Me: After years of watching you and your brother gifting each other Amazon gift cards back and forth for every birthday, I asked if I could pick the next gift for your brother to...shake things up a bit. And you agreed.
Husband: Right, but--
Me: I knew I needed to pick something that would shock you both out of a decade of nothing beyond every-other-month, strictly-small-talk obligatory phone calls.
Husband: Please stop villain-monologuing for a minute.
Me: I had to find the gift that would force you to start a dialogue.
Husband: That still doesn't explain--
Me: Raccoon toe bones made perfect sense after hours of searching for a gift that would prompt a "Why?" instead of just a "Thanks."
Husband: ...Mark said there were also raccoon teeth.
Me: It sounds like you two had a very interesting conversation!
Husband: I wish you weren't so pleased with yourself right now.