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#truly me 24
eightw · 3 months
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jamie and her american girl doll :)
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Still. Not. Talking.
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thepersonperson · 1 month
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Do you know how funny it is that Sukuna is literally suffering from Gojo brainrot?
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This may be an illustration of Gojo's brain damage from forcefully resetting his cursed technique, but since Sukuna is copying him (pose included), this is what his brain looks like too.
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medicalunprofessional · 5 months
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never change, man !
#phantom of the paradise#potp#swan potp#nightmaretheater#65 layers and about 24 hours . Eeeyyuppp#Look into my beautiful mind boy#Its a bit unusual to what i usually draw#but i had to push a specific look for this piece#hopefully you all are picking up on the corperate look . the advertisment look#Sneeze. Anyways my point is industry destroys creative people. This includes swan#I feel like phrases like these ; how he was put on a pedistal…. it lead him to be Like That#as awful as he is he desperately needed help#it might seem like vanity on the surface#but i think its… more than that#long story short: we need to destroy the beauty industry. the skincare industry. the anti-aging industry#It ruined his psyche forever and he cant let go of the ideal version of himself he will never truly be again#i dont think he can at this point. hes in too deep and hes suffering for it no matter how much he feels hes fixed his problems#he cant accept a version of himself that isnt that perfect young man. because he never confronted his problems. he just ran away#anyways . Hi swath *punches him**kicks him*#i dont care if nobody gets me lalalalla my truths and headcanons are awesome forever and i live in my own reality lallaallal#sorry i think im gonna be posting about swan alot for a few months hes making me sick#i wass gonna post this earlier but my internet was real bad#*lays down in my pile of pillows* eat up boys. haha#sidenote: drawing white blond people is horrifiying. Boy your skin and hair are the same color. Introduce some contrast to yourself. Please#adding on: its inportant to note this focuses on him looking st himself in the mirror alot on purpouse#to remind himself what he ‘’’’really’’’’ looks like#the 4 middle pannels all represent that too . u have to be in my brain ri get this#sorry for unleashijg another swan essay in my tags. will happen again lol
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houseswife · 9 months
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I love how neferiously hugh laurie delivered his lines in that 5x1 scene where house is blackmailing wilson. because the dialogue could’ve been conveyed in a manner that was obviously facetious and unserious (like the way RSL was playing the scene: “You’d jeopardise a patient—? 😒🙄) but he literally chose to go “If it keeps you here😈👹” in the most deadass, diabolical tone. so the result is that we have house sounding like a genuine psychopath as he threatens to let a woman die and then wilson proving he’s an even BIGGER one by responding with, like, mild exasperation at best. 10/10 dynamic no notes
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sneez · 3 months
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when you are here heaven is by my side [id in alt text]
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crazymecjc · 11 months
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a modern prometheus.
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rabdoidal · 6 months
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idk how to express it but like. my mum asked me earlier "do you have initiative? you need to learn how to do things without people telling you" and idk how to tell her like. 1. i am autistic and a HUGE part of that is not having motivation or initiative in the traditional sense because its harder to read what people want from you, 2. i also have executive dysfunction with my depression, and 3. she is the reason why i have a lack of motivation! because my whole life when i Try to do things to help out, i either get confused or i do it wrong, and shes not patient with me and also doesnt explain things to me - and the worst part is 4. i dont know how to explain stuff to her without it feeling like an excuse, because when i speak plainly, she thinks im dodging blame, when im actually just trying to communicate my default settings and how im working on overcoming them because i live in a neurotypical society. when i dont contribute or help out because im scared of messing up, i am ridiculed and shamed, and when i do contribute, im not allowed to ask clarifying questions or ask for support, because then i am an idiot. and y'know what? its annoying to be told i have no motivation when right now is the time where i have the most self-driven motivation ive ever had
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ratatatastic · 3 months
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I'll tell you a story. I get to work early in the morning, so when I come in—Yesterday morning we had this big back of six TVs, and one of them has a network on it... and the banner is: If the Florida Panthers lose, is this the Biggest Collapse in Sports History? That damn thing is sitting on the TV and you know, you're waiting for—to roll it, people, let's move it! Fifteen minutes!...So I'm waiting by the door for my video guy to come in and say—...We have these banks, it's a new rink, right? All over it—"Get that network off our TV!" 'Cuz I'm sitting there going, "I don't like it!" and I'm 57! Well, what happens if you're 25? And you're going, "I gotta live 50 more years of being a part of the 'Biggest Collaspe in Sports History'..." So from the loss to the drop of the puck, something has to change, something has to get better, and that would be where I think, I worked. Once the puck's dropped then I was done working. And I liked our first [period] so that was good. That was good, I was at peace with it. I wanted to win, and—but we weren't scrambling around in the first [period] trying to find our game.
paul and his way with his words aka he felt exactly the same way i felt with the leadup to game 7 and how media reacted to it like yeah i was very upset at some point i just started sighing like eeyore till someone put me out of my misery
edmonton oilers @ florida panthers game 7 postgame | 6.24.24 (x)
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eightw · 1 year
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my beach girl, ms. jamie 🫶 too bad there’s no beaches around here for her lol
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risingshards · 5 months
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"Oh man this season is AMAZING so far." —me, who grades anime seasons by how much yuri is in them
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thepersonperson · 3 months
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Sukuna’s Loneliness Part 4 (Sukuna’s Negative Rizz)
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Some warnings before we start.
1) This analysis deals with sexual topics.
2) I will be mainly using the TCB scans because of their accessibility. Raws are from mangareader(.)to.
3) This was written as of JJK 262 266. (I'm just going to keep updating this until I stop finding things I should've noticed earlier.)
4) The raws broke me in ways you cannot possibly imagine.
(Click images for captions/citations.)
Fighting as Communication
Baki the Grappler. This is a manga where men destroy each other’s bodies as a test of strength. It’s poorly written but the art is terrifying and I love it so dearly. Between fights of extreme violence and body horror the characters eat. And that’s it. That’s the manga.
I bring Baki up because Gege is a huge fan of Fujimoto Tatsuki, the creator of Chainsawman. Fujimoto is a fan of Gege too, but more importantly, he is a huge fan of Itagaki Keisuke, the creator of Baki. (His daughter made Beastars btw.) In a way, this means Jujutsu Kaisen has been influenced by Baki. But that’s not a surprise, a lot of manga is.
Itagaki’s work is so massively influetial on Japanese media that it’s kind of hard to grasp since it’s not as popular overseas. When listening to interviews from various Japanese creators, Baki will often be cited as a major influence. And the thing is, you can tell when a creative has read Baki. There’s nothing quite like it. If you’ve read Baki and consume Chainsawman, you will see its bones everywhere. I feel the same about Jujutsu Kaisen.
The main antagonist in Baki is Yujiro Hanma. He is the strongest creature alive. So much so that he has no one to call a rival. He’s bored. He causes trouble. He kills his wife to motivate his son, Baki into becoming stronger. His son, Baki, who he grooms into becoming a fighter that might beat him in combat one day. Kind of sounds like Sukuna, right?
But that’s not my point here. My focus is how Baki doubles as a discussion about strength and manhood. It’s aggressively bisexual. Men love each other with their fists. Straight up the main character says having sex with women is the same thing as fighting men.
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And it just doesn’t stop there. The homoerotic nature of the fights is never shyed away from. Here’s an example of my favorite.
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He grabs his balls and compliments their size. That’s pretty gay, right? Well there’s this reanimated prehistoric caveman called Pickle that fights Baki’s brother Jack. And how do they fight? They kiss.
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I didn’t call it a kiss. Itagaki did. I didn’t say they melded together. Itagaki did. This mangaka overtly calls attention to the homoerotic nature of men fighting men, and how men communicate their love for each other through violence. And yes, it’s sexual. Itagaki wants you to read it that way.
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But sometimes he doesn’t want you to read it that way. Sometimes the fights are a dialogue, an emotional conversation. Like one between father and son.
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Itagaki is a master of narrative framing. When he wants you to feel a certain way, you will feel it. He also tells his readers that there’s more to the fights than just fighting.
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Those are the ideas that help me see the bones of Baki in other works. Men loving men with violence. Men communicating with men through violence. I see these ideas in Jujutsu Kaisen too.
Jujutsu Communication
I’ve gone over how Yuji commucates with other people on their own terms. And a lot of it is through fighting. A conversation without words, learning how someone works. Yuji is good at using fights as tool of communication.
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But he’s not the one who tells you that there’s more to the fights than just fighting. Maki does in her spar with the sumo guy.
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Just like Baki. Fighting is a means of communication. Gege has told you that there can be more to the fights than fighting. It's a tool used to understand the self and others.
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With that in mind, I want to reexamine a particular fight under the lens of Baki rather than Umineko.
Sukuna vs Gojo
Baki tells you that homoerotic readings of its fights are intentional. If you ask me, this probably stems from historical stances on masculinity and homosexuality in ancient Japan. Men loved men and women differently, but both were ok. That’s how Baki can have a girlfriend and his gay fights. Peak bisexual optimization.
What does Jujutsu Kaisen have to do with this? Well it has been extremely queer friendly. We have a multidue of canonical trans characters, non-binary characters, and other flavors of queer characters not disparaged for their identities, Gojo Satoru included. It may not be stated outright, but Gojo and Geto do love each other in a gay way. The subtext is so persisent it’s basically text.
In other words, Gege has already told us, yes please have queer readings of this text. It’s the same way Baki tells you, yes this is straight up convoluded gay sex. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to reread the Sukuna and Gojo fight as some ridiculous mating display between two men who are fighting over can miscommunicate their intent the hardest.
Framed as Courtship
Let’s start with the framing. The pre-fight set up. How does text tell you queer readings are allowed?
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Kenjaku does. It’s romantic. It’s a date. This reading has been made valid explicitly. And if there’s room for doubt because of the sarcasm? There’s still additional support for it.
We already know how badly in love Gojo is with Geto. The fight is on the 24th of December, the most romantic day in Japan. And in a fun little Geto parallel, who declared the start of war on this day, violence underlines this new romantic venture.
That doesn’t include Sukuna who recalls Yorozu’s words about teaching love in the context of marriage.
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Gojo never heard that conversation which is why the next point is absolutely insane.
The outfit Gojo initially is in resembles that of a groom at a Shinto wedding.
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Shinto weddings were implemented after the Heian era. Part of the ceremony includes a priest and a shrine maiden who respectively stand to the right and left of the altar. A purification ritual will occur, lead by the priest, to cleanse the shrine before vows are exchanged. Gakuganji is the priest and Utahime is the shrine maiden. To the right and left of Gojo respectively.
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The bride at a Shinto wedding wears mainly white. After the 200% Hollow Purple cleanses the area, the dark shawl is removed and Sukuna remains in mostly white.
How interesting that this battle has been framed as one between groom and bride.
The thing is, marriage in the Heian era was far more lax. There were no major ceremonies. If a man was interested in marrying a woman, he would visit her for 3 nights after receiving approval from her father. Upon the passing of their 3rd night together, the family would have an informal celebration of their union in private. Even after marriage, multiple partners were allowed and sometimes encouraged.
Yorozu’s big celebration proposal to Sukuna and banning of concubines was quite improper by Heian standards. Though it is in line with modern marriages. If Sukuna did not consume any Shinto wedding literature, he probably didn’t recognize that Gojo was dressed as a groom.
But did Gojo dress this way for Sukuna intentionally? The Toji fit served an entirely different purpose. It’s the robes and pre-fight ceremony that catch my attention. So I propose the following:
1) Gojo dressed up as a groom to die and be wed with his one and only Geto in death.
2) Gojo dressed up as a groom in part as an offering to Sukuna. And because Sukuna is from the Heian era it went over his head entirely.
3) Gojo intended for both of these things at the same time and left who he would end up with to fate.
Regardless of what Gojo was going for here, it’s a visual cue combined with the knowledge of it being Dec 24th that encourages the reader to perhaps consider the fight as something other than just a fight. A date perhaps? Kenjaku made the connection and neither Gojo or Sukuna really denied it. Gojo gave the weak excuse of a death anniversary confusion. But much weirder, given how hostile he was to Yorozu, Sukuna did not object to the romantic framing in any capacity.
Am I reaching? Is this reading intentional?
When I start getting this confused by how a translated work wants me to read it, I try to refer to the original language text and anyone who knows it for missing context. Sometimes localizations add things that weren’t there or push readers towards one interpretation. So for the rest of this analysis, I’m going to be focusing on the raws.
I’m going to be honest. My Japanese fudging sucks. I can barely read kanji and can’t reliably translate anything. Feel free to correct me if I got something wrong. That being said, with what little I do know, I have discovered something interesting.
In this post I talked about how weird Sukuna’s manner of speech is. I focused on his you pronoun usage of お前 (Omae) for everyone else and 貴様 (Kisama) for Gojo since this is a strong indicator of how a character views their relationship to someone.
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Here's a summary of the two points I made in that post:
1) Omae is informal and either a casual thing amongst peers or indicates the speaker's higher status. Since Sukuna is arrogant, we can reasonably assume he's talking down to people.
2) Kisama historically was a formal show of respect, but in modern times it is a hostile insult, much more rude than Omae. Since Sukuna is 1,000 years old and hates Yuji (who he uses Omae with), we can reasonably assume Sukuna was being friendly to Gojo when he used Kisama.
With that pronoun usage in mind, while examining the raws for the infamous “You Cleared My Skies” speech I found this:
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Kisama. Sukuna is very happy and lavishing Gojo with praise. The assumption it was formal from the start seems to be correct. It's hard to read this any other way.
Though Japanese can easily be dubious in its interpretation, there are instances where context can cut off all other readings. I truly believe this one of those cases.
Now, to confirm Sukuna is still only treating Gojo this way I started looking at his you pronouns as he got excited post-Gojo death. Maki is the person he seems to admire the most.
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He’s still just using Omae. What does that mean? Gojo is in his own fudging category for Sukuna and he has been there since the start of the manga. (For more on why this is significant, refer to this post.)
Wow ok. That’s pretty intense! We’ve got Gojo dressed up as a groom on December 24th and Sukuna treating Gojo different from anyone else. I read their fight again under the lens of explicit courtship and focused in on these specific panels.
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Satisfaction. Now that’s a word that can easily carry a sexual connotation. Love as well. The parallel syntax fascinated me in English. So I decided to look at the raws and see how close they are.
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Pretty much the same except for "the one who will teach you love" and "the one satisfying him now". Since the one being satisfied is Gojo by Sukuna, it really seems we can assume the one being taught love is Gojo by Sukuna.
Time to learn some Japanese again!
Kanji has multiple readings. Most have at least two. The Onyomi (Chinese) reading typically used for nouns and the Kunyomi (Japanese) reading typically used for verbs. (This is not always the case but it’s the basics.)
That’s probably why 満 is read as まん (man) when Gojo and Geto are talking about “satisfaction” using the On version and み (mi), the Kun version, when the narrator is talking about who “satisfies” who.
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However 満 on its own does not mean satisfaction. It means full. To be filled. Or fullness. 足 (zoku) is added as a modifier after 満 to be read as satisfaction 満足 (manzoku). 足 usually means feet, but it can also mean to be sufficient. Manzoku therefore has a direct translation of being sufficiently full. It’s not a surprise a lot of food places in Japan use Manzoku in their names or advertising.
But what’s this? Why is this sentence written as 満たして or Mi(tashite) instead of 満足して or Manzoku(shite)? The addition of Zoku is what transforms Man into "satisfying". Without the Zoku, it’s just "fill". The means this sentence can be read as “The one filling him up now is—”
We’ve already established that the blank is Sukuna. The new problem is that he’s filling Gojo up. And boy, does that sound homoerotic to put it lightly. But perhaps I am reaching.
So I did what any sane person would do in this situation. I read hentai.
Surely if the phrase 満たして (mitashite) can carry a sexual connotation I will find it in hentai.
...
I immediately found a yaoi doujin called Fill me with your Big Love aka おっきな愛で満たして (Okkina Ai de Mitashite). Honestly, I found too many doujins about creampies specifically. (You have internet access verify this yourself.) When you search Manzokushite the results are much more in line with life satisfaction than sexual satisfaction. ...So Gege decided to use the more frisky phrasing.
Manzoku is also the name of an active sex toy manufacturer (I’m not linking them use a search engine.) and a discontinued adult entertainment news company. So the satisfaction Gojo and Geto talk about, along with Geto using 妬 (ya), the jealous kanji often used between lovers, is definitely probably carrying a sexual connotation too.
So, I’m not reaching. What the fudge did Gege mean by this?
Now that we've established that I am NOT reaching. What do we do with this information?
Well, we ruminate on the fight with the knowledge that Sukuna, of his own volition, decided to get Gojo off, probably.
I have forgiven Nanami for calling Gojo a pervert. If I watched someone bust a nut after being cut in half by his sworn enemy instead of saving the country, I too would be like what the fudge.
Anyways, the typical phrase used for an orgasm in Japanese is 行く(iku). It translates as to go. And yes it can mean to die, as in going to the other side. To die and go to heaven if you will. Which is what Gojo did with a big old smile on his face.
There’s also the term 心天 (tokoroten). It refers to a dish were a semi-opaque white substance is pushed through holes to create noodles. Literal translation using the kanji for heart 心 (kokoro) and the kanji for heaven 天 (ten). (Don’t ask me why them being smack together turns the Koroko into Tokoro. I don’t know.) Which in slang refers to prostate orgasms. This has nothing to do with this analysis I wanted to drop this fun fact in here. …And this image of Sukuna clutching his heart while looking at someone he sent to heaven.
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(This is a reach but the idea of this being an elaborate gay pun amuses me greatly.)
I have another fun slang term: 賢者タイム (kenjataimu) which directly translates to sage 賢者 (kenja) time タイム (taimu). This refers to post-nut clarity sending someone into a meditative-like state.
Oh that’s a bit familiar. Sukuna was giving sagely advice to Kashimo and reflecting on satisfaction and love.
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And what’s this? Mitashite has made a reappearance! Sukuna is saying “I’ve never thought about needing another person to fill me up.” Which 1. further supports the 'The one satisfying/filling him (Gojo) now is—Sukuna.' reading and 2. suggests Sukuna is a top suggests Sukuna really doesn’t have sexual interest in people. (Since the context of this convo is relationships and love.)
By the way. Acts of eating in Japanese can be modified to carry sexual meanings. It’s a bit more suggestive than English, but it carries over pretty well I think? 肉食系 (nikusokukei) refers to someone who aggresively pursues romantic or sexual relationships. Composed of the kanji 肉 (niku) for meat, 食 (ta) for eating, and 系 (kei) class. If you noticed, 食 isn’t usually read as Soku. It becomes Soku when paired with Niku for some reason. (I don’t know why someone please help me.) Side by side the kanji 肉食 (nikusoku) means meat-eater.
食 is still interesting on it’s own. The 食べる (taberu) reading is normal eating. The 食う(kuu) reading is an innuendo. It can mean to devour someone, like a cannibal, or devour someone sexually.
Sukuna has made it very clear that his eating of people is literal. There’s no innuendo. In fact, if you read into it, he’ll kill you (rip Yorozu and Kashimo).
Gojo, however, appears to be his sole exception to this rule. When Sukuna tells Kashimo not to spoil his pleasure he uses the kanji 興 (kyou). This of course can be directly translated as pleasure, but the Chinese reading of it can also indicate intense excitement or sexual arousal.
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Sukuna is pretty good at double-entendre wordplay if his earlier stunts with the kanji for Enchain doubling as Megumi Activities if read a different way is anything to go by. He's a fan of Chinese literature. It's not a stretch to assume there's more going on here.
And if notoriously homophobic Reddit dudebros are posting things like this. Maybe there's a lot more merit to this reading than I can currently grasp.
I’m still pretty convinced Sukuna is aroace. That of course doesn’t bar him from pursuing romantic or sexual relationships. Sometimes there’s the one exception. Sometimes the desire to be with and please an allo partner allows for engagement of activities they aren’t into. Sometimes the actions are pursued without the emotional attachment because they physically feel good. There’s also the gray-scale and demi labels to consider.
With that in mind, I want to emphasize this all points to how important Gojo is to Sukuna regardless of sexuality. He tried to engage with and understand Gojo on terms he won’t for anyone else. And he’s been pursuing this connection relentlessly since the start of manga.
Sukuna’s Negative Rizz
Ok I established that reading the Sukuna vs Gojo fight as unhinged courtship is supported by the text. That doesn’t really say anything about Sukuna sucking at it.
But, my dear reader, that in of itself is proof of his negative rizz. I had to sit down. Learn about Heian era and Shinto wedding rituals, learn more Japanese, splice seemingly unrelated manga panels together, read hentai, and know that Gege is into yaoi to come to this conclusion. I had to rip every little shred of characterization and context apart and rearrange it into something comprehensible.
You know who can’t do that? Gojo.
As far as Gojo is concerned, Sukuna hates him. Kisama is an extremely hostile you pronoun in modern times. And if Gojo can’t tell Shoko (his closest friend after Geto) is stressed over him being used like a meat puppet by her visibly falling back on her addiction, he’s going to default to the assumption Sukuna hates him just as much as everyone else.
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And Gojo does just that. He assumes he failed to reach Sukuna. Despite how often they did hand to hand combat and weaponized their knowledge of each other, Gojo believes they never had proper conversation through fighting. He dies not understanding Sukuna, convinced the other was not trying to communicate with him at all.
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And if you recall, all of this fight occurred while Sukuna was wearing Megumi’s face. That boy is pretty much Gojo’s adopted child. From my experience, most single parents do not go looking for clones of their kids as partners.
If someone wore the skin of my family member I would assume they were trying to torment me. And torment Gojo Sukuna does. He draws attention to Megumi’s soul being used as collateral and attacks him with the 10 Shadows. We as the audience know this is all for the sake of getting past Infinity using his Shrine. Gojo doesn’t know that. He’s fighting an evil dude who is puppeting the body of his son for god knows what reason.
Seriously, Sukuna sucks at communicating intent.
In Part 3 of my examination of Sukuna’s loneliness, I said Dismantle is a tool Sukuna uses to understand. And that him upgrading it by making Gojo the center of his world was indicative of his desire to reach him. I also said his refusal to use it on Yorozu was him expressing how little interest he had in her.
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Yorozu is pissed by this. She sees it as Sukuna rejecting her and I don’t think she’s wrong. Sukuna saved his special Cursed Technique (CT) for Gojo while turning Yorozu down. If we’re considering all the wedding imagery and references that started with Yorozu, I’m certainly allowed to read that as him saving himself for Gojo. (Think of how he lied to Gojo about being the first one he killed.)
There’s also the fact that Yorozu saw their battle as an expression love and lust—that the usage of CT is a type of foreplay under certain circumstances since it is an extension of the self. Combine that with the established premise that fighting is a type of a communication thanks to Maki vs Sumo Guy and you can start to see the courtship logic behind Sukuna’s treatment of Gojo.
If we are to read “The one who will teach you love is…Sukuna” there’s another adorable caveat. Yorozu uses the you pronoun あなた (Anata) for Sukuna.
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It’s an informal you pronoun used by people learning Japanese. Native speakers try to avoid using it as it can come across as rude. But in the context of love? This is colloquially called the wife pronoun as its often used by a wife to her husband.
If you wanted to localize its usage in the way Yorozu means it, Anata might become “you, dear”. So here we have Sukuna dressed in white, like a bride to Gojo’s groom, thinking of him as Anata.
The problem is, Gojo doesn’t know that. Sukuna never bothered to open his mouth and say this was an act of love. Sure he told Kashimo in the most roundabout way possible, but Gojo was the one who needed to hear that. If a courtship is going to be this diabolically complicated, there has to be clear hints for the other party. JJK is not Umineko where there’s a witch that can revive the dead over and over until the idiot finally understands this was all for them.
Gojo also doesn’t have access to the kanji Sukuna uses to describe certain techinques or words. He hears the phonetics and runs with whatever best fits the context. This means there’s no way for him to catch the double-meaning unless he’s a certain type of lingust, which he is not. His manner of speech and personal interests don’t line up with the flowery language of the Heian Era. The types of written works Gojo is into are historical war politics from the Sengoku period (known for violence more than the fine arts), Shonen manga, and physics/math.
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And what's this? According to CFYOW (the canon light novels): JJK Thorny Road at Dawn, Chapter 3 Asakusabashi Elegy, Gojo doesn't even like ancient poetry. You know, the thing Sukuna enjoys and tries to communicate with.
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The Kokin Wakashu Gojo off-handedly disparages is a compilation of Hiean Era poetry known as Waka. This was the primary means of communication amongst the noble class and spiritual leaders at the time. And the thing is, this poetry is supposed to be read into. Down to the quality of stroke and paper, not just the kanji written. Especially for courtship.
It’s not that Gojo is stupid. He just doesn’t specialize in the studies that would give him a more critical ear to Sukuna's words. And Sukuna doesn’t seem to understand that no one in the modern era communicates like this anymore.
If you didn’t know, this is why Japanese characters introduce themselves they often describe what kanji their name is spelled with. Take for example: Satoru. He uses the kanji 悟 meaning enlightenment. This kanji can be read as Go instead of Satoru. Additionally, the name Satoru can be written in kanji as 聡 for smart, 智 for wisdom, 知 for knowledge, 了 for understanding, 哲 for philosophy, 聖 for virtuous, or 暁 for daybreak. That’s 8 different kanji possible if you hear the name Satoru.
This is why Sukuna’s wordplay for everything else can be easily missed by other characters. They hear the words and cannot read the kanji like us. Context decides what Sukuna means for them. And since Sukuna’s context for most is violence and insults, it’s very hard for them to think about his words in any other way.
And boy howdy does Gojo miss it. Sukuna straight up calls him his husband and it took me several rereads to catch it. While mocking Gojo for being unable to open his domain, Sukuna calls him "painfully ordinary". This is localized from the word 凡夫 (bonpu) which can also be translated as unenlightened. (A layered insult! Sukuna is pretty much saying Gojo's sorcery is so boring he shouldn't even call himself the Honored One.)
The thing is...Bonpu is comprised of the 2 kanji 凡 for mediocre, and 夫 for husband. (Please note that there are many other ways to call Gojo a ditz without using the kanji for husband.) And an update from the Replies: Turns out there's layers to the gayness too.
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It's come full fudging circle. Gojo came dressed as a groom for a wedding and Sukuna thinks they're already married. The miscommunication is off the rails.
But wait! There's more...
Earlier I mentioned that the kanji for Enchain doubles as Megumi Activities. Let's break that down more. (Unfortunately the Twitter account of the person I referenced may or may not be nuked so here's this screenshot I've doctored.)
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So we have the translation of Enchain from 契闊 (Keikatsu), which might be better localized as Separation.
This term comes from a Chinese poem about lovers who are husband and wife in The Book of Odes, Section I (Lessons from the States), Chapter 3 (The Odes of Bei), Poem 31 (Banging the Drum). (Here's a link to the full poem and context of it.)
In summary, it’s about a soldier who is on the brink of death, having lost nearly everything after being abandoned by those in power, lamenting the happiest days of his life with his love are ones he can never get back. (Hey that sounds just like what Sukuna did to Yuji!)
Keikatsu specifically comes from this passage:
“Our vow is beyond death and life”, I and you are together I always remembered. I will hold your hand, And together we grow old.
Too pitiful we are faraway apart, The distance separates us to meet again! Too miserable this takes forever, And it does not let us fulfill our vow!
Keikatsu is used to exemplify how the physical distance between the husband and wife prevents them from fulfilling their wedding vows. And that's just what Keikatsu/Enchain does to Yuji and Megumi, it causes painful separation neither of them wanted.
Keikatsu also tells Yuji exactly how Sukuna plans to do it. 契(kei)闊(katsu) can be written as 恵(kei)活(katsu). The kanji 恵 can be read as Kei or...Megumi. (It's the literal kanji used for his name.) The kanji 活 (katsu) can mean "activities", which is how we get Enchain=Megumi Activities.
A two for one special! Sukuna mocks Yuji for being so close with Megumi while telling him exactly how he's going to destroy their relationship.
It seems this has nothing to do with Gojo until you consider the 3rd possible reading from wordplay with 契闊 (Keikatsu). The kanji 契 when read as Kei refers to a promise, pledge or vow. When 契 read as Chigi? It can refer to sexual intercourse, especially between husband and wife.
So we have 契闊(keikatsu, separation), 恵(kei Megumi)活(katsu, activities), and 契(kei chigi, spousal sex)活(katsu, activities). It's no wonder he erased Yuji's memory of it.
Keep in mind, that when Sukuna uses Keikatsu, the only vow that he has made at this point is his promise to kill Gojo. He eventually does that using Megumi's body during a fight framed between groom and bride. And for reasons beyond their control, Sukuna and Gojo have been unable to fulfill that vow through lengthy separation.
Notes from poem "Banging the Drum" Sukuna references include the following:
"And during the operation, he lost his horse, which was a desperate situation (horses in ancient time carried soldier supply and weapons, are life companion for soldiers in advance or retreat), he lost his horse, his supply, maybe his armor and weapons, and the road he was facing that we may lose his life so he may never go back. In all these mess, he started searching, and somehow at this hopeless moment he started to revisit his happiest moment, when he together vowed in marriage ceremony with his wife, and he was even afraid that he might never see his love again."
"And His last statement for his true value is his home, his love, his fulfillment of his vow is his true duty. Hero's duty is to pursue love."
In Buddhism, which JJK is heavily influenced by, horses are a pretty big deal. Horses can represent the path to enlightenment, especially since The Buddha's horse is what takes him on this journey away from his wife and children. They separate in the end though, the horse dying of a broken heart.
Remember how Sukuna called Gojo unenlightened? He sort of guided Gojo to enlightenment using Mahoraga, whose Eight-Handed title is a reference to the Eightfold Path to be followed for enlightenment. Buddhist enlightenment is centered around liberation from suffering. (Just check the wiki entry to verify this.) Infinity was the source of Gojo's suffering and Sukuna cut right through it.
Sukuna has been running around with a broken heart for a good chunk of the post-Gojo fight. And if you take that into consideration with this poem and all the other symbolism, he's somehow a Buddha, a Bodhisattva, the dying husband, the widowed wife, and the heartbroken horse all at the same time. Not unlike his wordplay taking on every possible meaning at once.
But my point here is that Sukuna might’ve seen his fight with Gojo as consummation of their marriage. (There's probably a joke in here about the husband reaching climax while leaving his wife unsatisfied.) Remember in the wise words of Itagaki Keisuke, "Fighting and sex are exactly the same!"
In Conclusion?
This is possibly one of the most bizarre and elaborate expressions of love I have lost my mind over. Sukuna gave everything Gojo ever wanted from Jujutsu violently. He did it in such an unpleasant and cruel way that the target of his affection thought there was nothing between them. Sukuna also hid his intent under social norms that no longer exist. Unless Gojo happened to be into ancient literature, there was never a scenario where he would catch onto this. Sukuna's failure is critical on multiple levels.
It’s impressive. It really is. No one knows how Sukuna’s strange little brain works so he’s stuck being loner without anyone that fully understands him. (I’m still thinking about how Uraume didn’t know Sukuna was a twin for over 1,000 years.) He’d have to let people in and tell him outright, but he’s just like Gojo so I guess that’s never happening.
#cactus yaps#I need to have my weeaboo license revoked.#How on earth did I miss this?#GEGE WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THIS.#Hi yes I will dress as a traditional groom on Dec 24th the most romantic day in Japan after someone else called the arrangement a date.#Is this even subtext at this point?#Why can’t these men use their got danged words instead of Umineko levels of psychological warfare.#Sukuna: ''Gojo is clearly driven by lust. How do I have s*x with him without actually having s*x?#Fighting and death are basically the same thing as s*x so I’ll do that and hopefully he sees that I love him.''#Gojo to Geto: ''Sukuna gave me the best *rgasm I've had in years. I think he hates me.''#Geto: ''Huh.''#Absolutely fascinated by girlfailures Sukuna and Geto horribly fumbling Gojo in completely different ways.#I want them to fight over him in the most passive aggressive way possible.#Gojo was meant to be a romcom harem protagonist.#Though Sukuna should be way more ok with poly given Heian rules on relationships.#But you know Geto was also ok that someone else was able to make Gojo feel good.#I like that prioritization of his pleasure. Even if it came a little too late.#Much to think about.#Consider this my Sukugo manifesto part 2.#Update 8/14/24: One of these days I'm just going to have to make a new post.#Update Cont: Sukuna calling Gojo his mid unenlightened husband wife spouse all at once using two kanji is truly insane.#Update 8/19/2024: All according to Keikatsu.#sukugo#ryomen sukuna#gojo satoru#jjk spoilers#jujutsu kaisen#lemons
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8 days till more Wilmon moments to make us scream.. ❤️❤️
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weregonnabecoolbeans · 7 months
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Obi-Wan's look of exasperation when Anakin starts flirting with Padme the second he sees her will never not be funny
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malarkgirlypop · 5 days
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MEDIC! Part 41 (Donald Malarkey x Fem!OC)
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It's been a year since I started this story. I posted last year on my birthday and I do the same again today. I want to thank everyone who has stuck with me while I write this, all your love and support is greatly appreciated, I love you all so much. So here's a birthday present from me. Thank you all again!
Based on the HBO show and the actors who portray the characters, not hate to anyone involved.
Tag list: @imusicaddict, @b00ks1ut, @mstiemountainhop, @awaterfalls, @lovememadly92, @lucyfromtheoldhouse, @blueberry-ovaries, @next-autopsy, @saintmalosunsets, @anaso12 anyone else please let me know.
I rubbed my eyes, blinking hard and then staring at the shimmer that mocked me. After everything that had happened, now it was back. 
It glimmered in the sunlight. The oil slick transparent film didn’t move as I approached it. It was just as I had remembered. I stopped a metre away, too scared I would be sucked in if I walked any closer. The whole time my heart never stilled, it thumped in my ears as I glared at the film. 
“Really you’re back after all this time?” I chastised the insentient object. 
“Fuck you!” I screamed, I was far enough away from the base that no one would hear me. I picked up handfuls of stones and hurled them at the shimmer. 
“Why did you do this to me? I didn’t ask for this!” My voice cracked as I yelled. 
“I never asked for any of this! You brought me here, why are you back?” Tears slipped down my cheeks. 
I didn’t know what I expected, that someone would magically pop out from inside the portal and explain to me why on earth it was me that was taken. That they would say it’s fine if you want to stay, this is just an offer, or, if you do not come back through the shimmer life as you know it would cease to exist. 
But no, no one was here to answer my question. It was only the shimmer that sat perfectly still as I screamed at it, as I launched stones and debris its way. It didn’t cry out and ask me to stop, only mocked me with its silence.   
“I hate you!” I screamed before I turned on my heel and sprinted away from the provoking portal. 
—------------------------------
I sat on the floor packing and unpacking my bag for hours. Each time I packed the bag an overwhelming panic took hold of my chest and only eased when I took everything out of my medic bag. 
“What are you doing?” I heard from behind me. I swivelled around in panic. 
Don stood in the entrance, his brows knitted together in concern. 
“How long have you been standing there?” I asked, swallowing the lump in my throat. 
“Long enough to know you’re leaving. Why?” He started forward to where I sat criss-cross on the floor.
“Where are you going?” Don demanded when I didn’t answer. 
“It’s back.” I uttered, not knowing what else to say. 
“What’s back?” He stood looking down at me. 
“The shimmer.” My voice was so quiet as I told him the truth. I watched his face fall and then his eyes flicked over my belongings that were scattered in front of me. 
“You’re leaving.” It was a realisation that fell from his lips. “You can’t!” 
“Don please don’t make this harder than it already is.” I begged, feeling tears spring to my eyes. It was hard enough to make this decision myself but for Don to beg me to stay was going to make it impossible. 
“Why are you leaving?” Don genuinely asked. 
“Because I have to!” 
“Said who? The shimmer police?” His tone was serious. 
“No. But why would it show up again if I was supposed to stay?” I was out of answers for him, I was just as confused as him about this. My heart was torn, I wanted to stay but I didn’t know the cost of that decision. 
“What if I don’t leave and then everyone dies ‘cause I fucked it all up?” I let him into the thoughts that had been racing through my mind even before the shimmer had shown up again. 
“If I stay and the world falls apart because of me and people die. I could never forgive myself.” I didn’t need to be the cause of anymore death, and if that meant giving up the one thing that made me happy then it was a sacrifice I would have to make. 
“You know what I would do?” He asked joining me on the floor and taking my hands in his. “I would say fuck everyone else and choose you.” 
“That’s easy for you to say you're not the one with this decision. I can’t say fuck everyone, that’s not me!” Don nodded he knew it wasn’t in my nature to put myself first. 
“Why are you making this decision based on other people?” Don’s thumb rubbed absentmindedly over the back of my hand. 
“Are you running because of what happened?” His eyes flicked up to meet mine. 
I shook my head, my mouth twisting at the thought of what had happened only last night. The scars were still fresh, literally. 
“No, I am doing what’s right, and that means I can’t stay, even though I want to!” I was already at my wits end without the appearance of the shimmer. Tears fell down my cheeks. 
“Be selfish, for once in your life Em! Choose you!” Don pleaded, his hands tightly wrapped around mine as if I would disappear in a blink of an eye. 
“I can’t!” I yelled, rising to my feet and pacing back and forward across the small room. 
But Don continued, standing up as well to grab me as I passed by him. His hands firmly gripped on my shoulders. Don shook me as he spoke, as if trying to shake his words into me. 
“Because other people would choose themselves, in your position they would choose to stay, not because of the greater good, but because they wanted to.” He was right, a lot of people would choose the outcome that would better accommodate them. But when have I ever put myself first? 
“You deserve to be happy.” I wanted to be happy, after everything I had been through in life all I wished for was to be happy.
“I can’t be the cause of other people’s deaths.” I couldn’t have that weight on my shoulders, I couldn’t live my life knowing other people suffered for me. It just didn’t seem fair. 
“Fuck everyone else Em. If you staying meant the world was going to end tomorrow, you know what I would choose, you I would choose you, because I love you.” 
“That’s not fair Don!” 
“I would die for you. I would choose my demise to spend one more day with you.” I choked back my sobs. 
“So I would die for you, but you wouldn't die for me?” Don questioned. I understood why he was wandering. From his point of view I seemed to care about everyone else more than him. 
“No, I am. If I go, I’m dying. I don’t think I could ever be happy again. But if that meant that you got to have a long and prosperous life, then I would die a million times over for you. And going home and living my life will be that.” 
“Then live for me!” Don bargained. “What are you going back to there anyway, you have a family here!” 
“Doesn’t mean I belong.” 
“Emily, ever since you have arrived all you have done is belong. You fit right in, you were meant to be here. The shimmer brought you here for a reason, fate itself!” Don was right I may have been brought back to this time for a reason, but then it could've been random all the same.    
“But what if it was only for a moment, only for a short while. What if I stay and everything falls apart because of me?” The lingering doom haunted me.  
“There are so many what ifs, but what ifs don't answer your question. Where would you rather be?” Don gazed down at me with his intense brown eyes. 
“Don’t make me answer Don, this is already so hard.” I hiccuped, I shook my head as I pushed away from him, turning my back on the man I loved.  
“Which would you pick if there were no consequences?” His voice strained as emotions flooded through his soft tone.  
“Here.” I whispered, still not facing him.  
“So stay, there are no consequences, you can’t think of the what ifs that will only haunt you. If you go back and regret your decision, don’t you think that will tear you apart?” Don rounded me so he stood in front of me again, his hand finding the underside of my chin and tilting it up to look into his eyes. They shimmered with unshed tears. 
“Yeah but what if I stay and the world ends and everyone I love dies! That would be even worse.” I emphasised my point over and over again, but still he fought against me.  
“It wouldn’t matter if we were together!”
It would be an agree to disagree.  
“I hate to break it to you Em, but everyone you love will die eventually. You can either be here for it or not.” 
“The difference is I don’t want to be the cause.” I stood my ground. I would not be the reason for the world turning to fire and ash. 
“I can’t face that. It will fucking kill me.” I would become a shell of myself if that was to happen. There would be no one for him to love anyway.  
“So I can’t talk you out of it? After all this time you are going to choose everyone else over me?” Don’s hurt radiated down his body, his hand fell away from my face as he took a step back. 
“Please Don don’t say it like that.” I begged stepping forward into his space but he kept his distance.  
“It’s fine you have made your decision, I clearly can’t stop you. Even though I hate you right now, just know that I love you and I hope that haunts you till the day you die!” Don’s bitter tone was harsh as he stomped out of the room.  
“Don!” I called after him as I chased him down. “I can’t leave with you hating me. If you love me you will let me go. You will respect my choice.” 
He only looked down at me, anger and pain etched into his features. 
“I will let you process this, while I say my goodbyes.” I kissed him gently on the cheek before turning to head back inside to pack my bag for the final time. 
—---------------------------------------
I took a shaky breath before entering the mess hall. The men noticed my arrival waving me over to the table. I kept my own emotions at bay as they all smiled at me. This would be the last time I saw their faces. 
“Hey boys!” I cooed to the men. They all stood from their seats as I rounded the table. 
“Em, are you alright?” Lieb asked me as I sat beside him. I resisted the urge to reach up and brush my fingers through his hair. 
“I’m ok.” I uttered softly. 
A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. I leant into him, my hands coming around his bicep as I lent my head against his shoulder. 
“Em?” Lieb asked, craning his head to look down at me. “Why do you look like you have bad news?” 
“Because I do.” A sombre tone fell over the table. I straightened myself from my position and stood. 
“They have ordered me back home. Due to the events of last night, they don’t feel I am fit to continue my service.” I broke my lie to the men. Their faces fell as a groan of protest rippled through the group of my fellow Easy men. 
“It’s ok Em, we’ll see you when we get back home.” Babe chirped as he grinned at me. 
I could feel my heart ripping in my chest. He wouldn’t see me again. None of them would. 
“Yeah!” My voice cracked as sadness seeped into my tone. I quickly righted the mistake. “We will all have a big party when you guys get home.” Lieb reached up, taking my hand in his, giving me a reassuring squeeze. 
“But I’m going to miss all of you-” I had to pause to take a shaky breath before continuing. I laughed as the men looked up at me with concern on their faces. 
“I’m ok, just sad that I won’t be able to see you guys for a while.” My other hand was taken by Bull. The man who had saved me right at the beginning of this mess. 
“I want to come and give each one of you a hug goodbye. And then I’ll be off!” Complaints and offeres to were raised by the Easy men.  
“Don said he wanted to have me all to himself before I left, so you all have to do as he wishes!” Malarkey hadn’t agreed to anything yet, but I couldn’t have the men sending me off through the portal. 
The men thankfully agreed to my terms. 
I went around the table taking each man into my arms. Tightly squeezing them one last time. 
Lipton pulled me into his embrace as he whispered into my ear. “Be safe, Em.” I pulled back and his hands cupped my cheeks, brushing away the tears that slipped down them. 
Perco grinned widely at me as I stood blubbering in front of him. “Hey, don’t cry! I’ll make you eggs anytime, and we won’t even have to get it from the source.” His arms wrapped around me rocking me side to side in a boisterous manner. 
Martin hugged me like the dad I never had, pressing a soft kiss to my hair. 
Luz opened his arms, tears glimmering in his own eyes. “Don’t cry George or you’ll make me cry more!” 
“Who’s gonna laugh at my jokes?” His voice broke as he tried to be funny. I didn’t answer his question, only holding him closer. 
Webster and Tab both gave me kisses to the cheeks, wishing me safely on my journey. 
“Thank you for fixing me up Gene.” A bittersweet smile formed on his lips as he pulled me close. 
“Thank you for being the best medic Em. I didn’t tell you enough but I think you make a wonderful nurse.” I buried my face into his shoulder as his hand stroked down my back. 
Babe and I didn’t utter a word to each other, he only crushed me to his chest. We both quietly cried into each other's shoulders.
I pulled back, using my palm to wipe his face clean. “You’ll see me again Em.” He promised as I nodded tearfully.  
Bull enveloped me into his arms like I was a small child who had curled into his lap. He pressed kisses to the top of my head. I listened to his thick twang as he spoke, “I’ll miss you little lady. Don’t be a stranger.” 
Finally it was Lieb left. Only once in my life had I seen the man cry, but here he was looking up at me with tears in his eyes. 
“Can’t believe you’re going.” He said as he rocked us back and forward. “What am I gonna do without you?” 
“You’ll be fine Lieb.” I pulled back so I could memorise his face. He shook his head and took me into his embrace once again. 
I waved goodbye to them all as I left the mess facility. I still had to find the rest of the officers. 
I found Nix and Winters first. “Em are you doing alright?” Dick took in my appearance, my blotchy cheeks and bloodshot eyes. 
“I came to take up your offer. I would like to leave.” The men looked shocked, glancing from me to each other. 
“When would you like to leave?” Nix asked. 
“As soon as possible.” 
The men again looked even more flabbergasted. 
“We have one at 1300hrs, a jeep can take you to the port and then you ship back home.” Dick reported, checking his watch. It was 1130am, I had a couple hours before my departure. 
“Is that soon enough for you?” Dick’s eyes flicked up from his wrist. 
I nodded. “Thank you both for all that you have done for me. Richard, thank you for taking me in, and trusting me. Lew, thank you for caring for me and keeping me safe.” 
“You guys don’t know how much you mean to me. I never really had a male figure in my life. The love and support you have shown me in this small amount of time we have known each other, will fill up the rest of my lifetime and even after my death.” The men looked even more confused than before. 
“Emily you’re only going home, we will see you again I’m sure.” Dick surged forward to bring me into his arms. His hand smoothed down my curls soothingly.  
“I hope so.” I whispered into his jacket, latching my hands around his waist. 
Pulling back I found Nix now at our side, I went from one man to the other. I flung my arms around Lew's neck as he nuzzled into me.
“Gonna miss ya kid.” Nix said softly into my hair. I could hear the thickness of emotion in his voice, as if he somehow knew that this was inevitably the end. 
I finally stepped back from the embrace, sniffing and wiping away my tears that seemed endless. 
“I don’t mean to be forward, but I love you both, so very dearly.” Both the men chuckled. 
“We love you too Em.” Dick’s charming smile appeared on his lips. 
“I’ve already said goodbye to all of the men, but there is just one more person I need to see.” 
Dick nodded pointing back over his shoulder, “Should be somewhere in the office.” 
I gave a thank you before scurrying off to find the said man. 
My fist knocked on the wooden frame of the door that stood open. Speirs sat at his desk with his head down filing through papers. 
“Come in.” Ron called without glancing to see who it was. 
“Sir.” I started, but the sound of my voice caused the man to look up. 
“Em!” He smiled at me. “What’s the occasion?” 
Ron set aside the task he was working on to give me his full attention. 
“I came to say goodbye. I’m leaving in a few hours, I’m gonna go home. I think it’s my time.” 
Speirs sighed but smiled still. “I can’t say I’m surprised. You need the rest, after-” He paused, having to look away as he continued to speak. “After everything you’ve been through.”
“We’ll miss you. But I’m glad you won’t be coming to the Pacific, it’s not something you should be exposed to.” 
I hummed in agreement. “Yeah, I think I just need to go home and relax. And don’t worry about giving me your treasures, I’ve got it all sorted out.” His brow pinched. 
“It’s a gift.” Ron assured me. 
“And I thank you for the kindness, but it isn’t necessary anymore.” I held my ground, there would be no one for him to send it to. I would rather he keep it. 
“Oh, so you’re going, going.” Ron corrected. 
“I’m sorry?” I asked, confused by his comment. 
“You think I didn’t notice?” Speirs peered up at me, confusion lined my face. 
“What?” My heart drummed in my ears. 
“I’m a smart man, Emily. I have done my research on you. I have done my research on everyone. But you stood out. No records, nothing. I have been watching you, I notice things.” The more he spoke the more confused I became. 
“You aren’t from here. I don’t know why or how, but I know you weren’t born during this time. And you’ve made the decision to go home.” Speirs stood from his chair and rounded the desk to stand in front of me. 
“You’ve come to say goodbye for good. Haven’t you?” He bent down slightly so that he was looking me in the eyes. 
I was speechless, all I could do was nod. 
“How? How did you even come to that conclusion?” 
“It doesn’t matter. It never mattered. But for some reason I assumed you would stay.” Speirs’ arms drew me in. 
“What does Don think?” He asked as I laid my head on his chest. 
“He hates me for it.” I admitted sourly. 
“I’m sure he’ll come round.” Speirs reassured me as he cradled my face to his heart. 
“I wanted you to walk me down the aisle.” My thoughts surged from my mouth before I could hold them back. I had thought about it when I was planning to stay. If I was to be wed to Don, Ron was the one I wanted to give me away. 
“Good. No one else would be allowed but me.” Speirs chuckled.  
My laughs turned into sobs as I clutched him closer. “Am I making a huge mistake?” 
“You are doing what you think is best Em, and I trust you.” He pulled me back to look down at me. “Follow your heart.” 
“Thank you for everything-” 
“You don’t need to give me a big speech Em. I know how you feel about me and you know how I feel about you. Let’s just have this moment.” 
I think I spent two hours with Ron. Most of it I spent sobbing, but to have those last few hours together before I left filled me with so much joy it hurt. 
I tried to find Don, but he was nowhere to be seen and it was getting closer to when I would have to be out of sight. 
Sobbing, I walked back to where I had found the shimmer. I walked faster before my selfishness got the best of me and I turned and walked the other way.     
“Stop!” Don called from behind me. 
“Don!” I pleaded, if he was here to stop me he was wasting his breath. 
“I thought about it. And you’re right. If you love something, let it go. I hope you do the same Em. I want you to live a happy life, and even though I hate the idea, find someone who will make you happy. I will think about you everyday, you will forever be in my heart."
"I wanted to do a lot of things with you Em. I wanted to marry you and take you home to meet my family who would love you so much, by the way. I wanted you to be the mother of my kids, and the grandmother to their kids and hell even a great grandmother! I wanted to get old with you and live a quiet life, just me and you, sitting on the porch drinking ice tea."
"And we would argue and bicker, but only because we loved each other so much. You will forever be the love of my life, even if I can’t have you. You will be in my dreams every night, until the day I die. And when I die, I hope to find you again in every lifetime, if only just to know you. And even when you’re gone I will look for you in every woman I pass on the street and in the stores."
"You will have my heart now and forever. I love you so much, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.” His speech was broken by his cries, but it was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me. 
“I love you Don. I wish I could choose to stay. I wish all those things could come true. You have captured my heart and I fear I will never love the same again. I will never love someone as deeply and as fiercely as I love you. I will never forget your laugh, the way you smile at me, the way you kiss me."
"You have seared yourself into my soul and I will carry you with me through every lifetime. I believe you are my one true love, and I will never find someone who makes me as happy as you do. Don’t think of this as goodbye, but see you again. I will find you, even if it’s only in my dreams. Thank you for coming.” I sobbed as he kissed my cheeks, then my lips. 
The most tender goodbye kiss. One that left me breathless for more but broken hearted at the same time. We stayed wrapped in each other's arms, head pressed together as our breaths mingled. 
I kissed him for the last time. “I love you.” I whispered softly. 
I turned and walked towards the shimmer. I stood in front of the portal as it shone in the sunlight. I didn’t look back, I couldn’t, it would stop me. 
Taking one last breath I stepped forward into the shimmer, before everything went black.
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wyvernquill · 7 months
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Another Dreamling Anastasia AU Snippet
So, this AU somehow gained some new traction over the past few days, and I remembered I still had this in my drafts! It's a direct continuation from the last post - the first time their paths cross, though I think I'll save their actual first conversation (already written!) for the next part. Mostly a lot of background and exposition, but I hope it'll be enjoyable nonetheless! Thanks everyone for your enthusiasm for this AU!!!
(Masterpost here!)
(Tag list, let me know if you want to be added or taken off: @10moonymhrivertam @martybaker @globglobglobglobob @anonymoustitans @sunshines-fabulous-legs @dreamsofapiratelife @malice-royaume @kcsandmanfan @acedragontype @okilokiwithpurpose @tharkuun @silver-dream89 @i-write-stories-not-sins-bitch)
(I don't know why it just won't let me do the proper tag sometimes... I hope the people Tumblr refuses to let me tag will see the post anyway, I'm very sorry...)
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There is a fight just about to break loose at the White Horse Inn.
It will happen because of a man; a pale, stick-thin skinny thing of a man, barely more than an ashen, grimy face under a mop of coal hair balanced on top of a ragged black coat, loitering close to the fireplace and trying not to be too obvious about soaking up its warmth. At his feet, half hidden beneath the torn hem-line of his coat, there is a bird, some sort of corvid, following the other guests - and their purses in particular - with its beady little eyes.
The bird’s master is watching, too, watching the inn’s staff collect coins and shove them into their pockets, watching the plates and bowls of food being carried about, hungry, starving-
And then he’s noticed watching, a barmaid muttering a word or two to the innkeep over by the beer caskets - and the moment the man’s eyes find the stranger, they narrow.
And in turn, the moment the stranger notices the hostile eyes on him, he seems to brace himself, something feral in the way his lips draw back from his teeth as the innkeep makes a beeline for him through the crowded pub.
Words are exchanged.
Words are exchanged, loudly.
An arm is grabbed - and the bird jumps up with an angry caw, beating its wings at the innkeep’s face, and the scullery boy runs over to help, as does the burliest of the barmaids.
(There’s that fight now.)
The stranger shouts and scratches and twists as he is dragged through the common room, towards the door, growling profanities in a hoarse, dark voice, while his bird squawks, wrapped in the scullery boy’s apron.
It’s a right mess, but perhaps not an unusual one - the White Horse makes quick work of unruly drunkards (and those who are here to pilfer money rather than spend it), and even as some guests are following the fight in fascination and with half a mind to join in just for the pleasure of throwing a punch, most of their clientele barely spares them a look. Soon, the stranger will be cast out into the cold and the night again, far away from the warmth of a fireplace, or the smell of food, or opportunities for thievery. Nothing special. Soon, it will be just a quiet evening, like any other…
If it weren’t for the fact that, over in the far corner, a familiar man, and a familiar something-altogether-else still managing a rather sound impression of one, have been nursing their drinks for a good hour already, trying to drown their failures in ale.
(The humans have robbed Destiny of his powers, torn his realm from him, burned his book - but destiny still shapes the lives of mortals and immortals alike; and it is that power, which makes Robert Gadling look up from the sad remains of his beer, and, for just a fraction of a second, lock eyes with the vagabond currently in the process of being removed from the premises.
That is enough.
With just one look, the wheels of fate are already set in motion, and our story can begin in earnest.)
"Hey, Gil." Hob nudges Gilbert's arm, not taking his eyes off the struggling, furious stranger. "Over there. Look."
"Hm?" Gilbert blinks owlishly, following Hob's nod to the commotion behind him. "Oh, yes, yes. Ghastly, isn't it? Disgraceful, that some hoodlums cannot conduct themselves in public houses with the appropriate decorum - in my days, I tell you, when the Endless were still-"
"No, look!" Hob cuts him off. "The hoodlum. Look at him, really look."
"Hrmmm," Gilbert makes a sound of polite displeasure, and fiddles with his circular little glasses, peering through them and across the room, where the haggard stranger is spitting abuse at the innkeep even as he is in the process of being shoved out of the door.
And then, "oh, good lord!" Gilbert gasps, and drops his glasses.
"You see it too, then?"
"I… yes. Gracious, yes. Like a ghostly apparition." Gilbert gropes for his glasses with one hand, eyes never leaving the stranger. "The physical resemblance - most uncanny. A good deal more malnourished and, ah… rather grimy, it seems… and yet, overall…"
"A dead ringer for Dream of the Endless, isn't he?" Hob finishes, nodding. “Better than any of the men that auditioned for us, certainly.”
“Heaven help,” Gilbert’s voice is weak with emotion, “even knowing it isn’t him, I feel like… ah, Robert, if he were only given a bath, some better garb… it would be as if His Lordship walked again!”
“Would be?” Hob’s grin is bright and hungry, like a hunting dog smelling his prey, as he pushes himself up from his seat. “Will be!”
“-and if I see either you or yer blasted bird thievin’ in here again," the innkeep snarls, tossing first the haggard stranger, and then a squawking bundle of black feathers, out into the snow. “I’m callin’ the coppers! Y’hear?”
The word the stranger spits back, gathering all his limbs and his dark coat around himself as he staggers to his feet and off into the night, is so filthy even Hob would blush upon saying it. A bit rough around the edges, this man, not exactly the model of a fairytale king - but such things can be taught, can’t they. Hob’s seen a production of Shaw’s Pygmalion, years ago, and if Higgins can make a fine lady out of a flower girl, then Hob and Gil can make a Dream Lord out of some vagabond.
“Begging your pardon, good man.” Hob leans against the doorframe, watching the stranger’s dark shape angrily stomp off through the snow, bird hopping along at his side. “Howsabout this, a shilling for anything you can tell me about the man you just tossed out of your establishment.”
“Whot, Murphy!?” The innkeep blinks. 
Holds out his hand.
Hob dutifully deposits one of his last few shillings in it.
“Thank you kindly, sir, much obliged.” A tip of the hat, and the coin disappearing in the innkeep’s pocket. “Murphy’s one of the local beggars. A filthy thief, too, and no mistake. He’s trained that raven of his into it - heard the city even pays him some little pittance to control the birds in the area! They wouldn’t do it if they knew what he was doing with ‘em. I don’t like seein’ him around the Horse, not with the trouble he’s causing. Stealing leftover scraps from tables I can forgive, might even give him a full meal now and then in the name of charity - but if he goes for the pockets of my regulars, the regulars don’t come back, understand? Can’t have that.”
“Course not.” Hob agrees readily. “Bad for business, a pickpocket.”
“Just so, sir. He’s been in the London area for… oh, eight, nine, maybe ten years? Hasn’t got a trade, not very willing to do an honest day’s work in any case, can’t hold down a job for the life of him as a result. Still thinks himself better than the rest o’ us, anyway. I’d leave him alone, if I were you - he’s vicious as all Hell, bit the kitchen boy once and the lad needed to get his arm stitched up afterwards. And that raven - the thing’s a demon, swear to God. A familiar, like witches have. If we were livin’ in a less civilised age, they’d’ve strung old Murphy up for witchcraft and devilry years ago!”
Hob hums thoughtfully. “Do you know if he has fallen in with that crowd? Not idle hearsay, mind, but facts. There’s still some men in London who practise the Old Arts, does he meet with them?”
(Hob has heard that the old Magus of Wych Cross died perhaps a year or two after his greatest accomplishment; for all his powers that tore Endless spectres from their lofty thrones, in the end he couldn’t defend himself against his own son finally snapping, smothering him in his sleep, and running off with the gardener. Good riddance to the old goat, in Hob’s opinion - but he had a good handful of supporters in every major city, and they can’t all have died with him.)
The innkeep takes his time answering, staring out into the softly-falling snow.
“...not that I know of, sir.” He finally says, cautiously. “He doesn’t meet with anyone, really, ‘xcept the birds. Solitary type, is our Murphy, with no family, and no-one to miss him if he freezes himself to death some night. But.”
A pause.
“There’s something wrong about that man, if you ask me. He has a look in his eyes… whatever it is, it’s not natural. Might be magic. Might be madness. I really couldn’t say.”
“I see.” Gears are turning in Hob’s head, puzzle pieces slotting into place, plans unfolding.
A man sleeping rough, with nobody to miss him or know much of him, fierce and angry and constantly on the brink of starvation, looking just like Dream. A diamond in the rough, and quite possibly desperate enough to actually agree to their mad plan just for a few weeks of guaranteed food and a roof over his head.
Dear God. He’s perfect.
“One more question, about Murphy.” Hob beams, half-giddy. “Where do you think I could find him, say… tomorrow?”
The innkeep’s eyebrows rise up into his hair.
“Can’t see why you’d ever want to,” he mutters into his beard. “But very well. On your head be it.”
He names a nearby small park, where Murphy often goes to feed his birds, and is rewarded for it with another tuppence; and then Hob saunters back to his and Gil’s table, already feeling like he can almost taste the promise of eternal life on the tip of his tongue.
(“We cannot know for certain that he will agree, Robert. He sounds like a most prideful young man - he is much like His Lordship in that regard as well, I suppose.”
“Oh, he’ll agree. I’ve been where he is, Gil, and there were times I would’ve sold my own mother to the devil for a warm meal and a bed to sleep in. Not that the devil would’ve taken the old bat even if I’d paid him, of course, but it’s the principle of the thing.”
“That hardly makes it much better. We’d be taking advantage of the poor man’s unfortunate situation!”
“Everyone’s situation is unfortunate these days. And we’d be improving his, on the whole, along with ours.”
“Let it be noted, dear fellow, that I am voicing my ethical and moral quandaries.”
“I really don’t think our plan to scam the Endless is very ethical in the first place, Gil.”
“...now that I cannot possibly argue with.”
“There we are then.”
“However! You will have to be the one to suggest it. I will help you instruct him and present him to the Endless if you do convince him - but for now, I wash my hands of the matter.”
“Fair enough.”)
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