#truthful to her that she doesnt want to hear

[fagrights]

today was so difficult and the thing is i dont think its going to get any easier any time soon

[rwby-confess]

Confession #170

[kuwupikaa]

Looking through musical tags and saw people saying dear Evan hansen is bad because Evan is a bad person? Like isnt that the point? What he does isnt good and he pretends to be this perfect guy for others and mostly to convince himself that what he's doing is genuinely a good thing while deep down he knows its not and that someday he'll have to come to terms with the consequences of his actions. Like yeah I understand if you don't like the musical yknow like what you want but genuinely thinking it's bad?

[zorkaya-moved]

" you are always on about helping me," for someone whose voice usually comes in a subtle, warming tone, it has taken the turn for something more heated today as their debate, nay, argument had come to blossom as a result of long nights and dreadful projects. in the aftermath of the disagreement, kaveh will find himself in a pit of embarrassment and guilt for having stood his ground, but he couldn't accept it. he wouldn't accept it.

" to say that it's pride is only a portion of it, but i have never had to rely on anyone in my life --- i couldn't. there was simply no room for me to rely on anyone, let alone ask for it and --- that's why i can't stand by and simply allow you to help me, when you clearly do not wish me to help you in return. are we not equals ? do we not share a mutual form for respect, do you think less of me because you see yourself in a position to protect me and support me ? because i won't have you in such a position, zarina. "

it's not anger , per say , simply frustration. he is frustrated with how she puts up a mighty act of a stable, strong woman, for while she is ( archons know she is, she is so strong, and kaveh looks up to her in so many ways / had he been one for prayer, her feet would be the ones he'd find himself bowing to in seek of grace ) she remains as human as him at the end of the day. the pain and hurt he felt certainly were no strangers to her. does she not think he feels the way her face tends to drop the second he turns, or notice how her thoughts wander in the corner of his eyes when he find himself occupied by the desk ?

" let me look after you the way you look after me. let me take care of you the way you take care of me --- for it seems too long ago since anyone did the same for you. " crumbling in his stance ( is my love not enough for you ? ), the heated tone has come to falter in favor for a softer and honest one, as hands seek out to her cheeks, pleading to hold her tenderly in his grasp. " you are my life , zarina. how do you expect me to allow you to be my foundation when you refuse to accept it from me in return?"

@avaere

Their argument breaks out and nothing feels real for the first second. They’ve never argued like this before, it’s never come to this. It’s unusual for the architect to look at her like this and speak to her like this. It confuses her, it makes her wonder, and it makes her question exactly what brought this out. And the more words leave Kaveh’s mouth, the more confused and puzzled she becomes. It doesn’t make sense. It simply doesn’t make sense to her. Is he… not happy? Is he upset that she offers her support? Is he upset that she wants to keep him safe? It doesn’t seem logical nor does it seem like something he should be so frustrated over. The questions circle in her head and Zarina tries to search for an answer, but instead she’s met with a wall. She slams into it mentally as Kaveh keeps talking. 

—That's why I can't stand by and simply allow you to help me, when you clearly do not wish me to help you in return. Are we not equals?—

“We are…” Sokolova whispers to his question, still finding herself at a loss for words simply because she cannot fathom the reasoning for his upsetness, frustration, and fiery anger. It makes no sense for him to be hurt in her mind. 

 —Do we not share a mutual form for respect, do you think less of me because you see yourself in a position to protect me and support me?—

What are you talking about? Zarina asks internally, eyes empty and hollow at those words. Suddenly, his words echo in her head and she can’t find the will in herself to really suppress them. To her, everything he says right now simply doesn’t fit in her understanding. Is she not supposed to help him? Is this not proof of her love? Is this not enough for him to understand how much he means to her? Is this now what love is supposed to be about? 

Finally, Zarina isn’t weak to keep those she loves unprotected. She gained everything she needed to keep these important people safe. She has power, she has influence, she has money, she has it all. She has information on each and every important person in almost all of Teyvat. She has customers and clients who are of noble birth and who would beg for her to take a look at their cases. She has it all to ensure those she loves have a comfortable life. 

Because she, a woman who lacks any humanity behind her void gaze, can only feel human while being with them. They keep her a person. They keep her away from the numbness, void and hollowness. They keep her away from losing the joys and colors. They are her colors. Kaveh is her Sun and the person she wants to keep happy the most. 

But… 

—Because I won't have you in such a position, Zarina.—

…I’m strong enough to be in that position, am I not? Why don’t you just let me do it?  

She isn't weak. She isn’t weak anymore to have others fuss over her. She doesn’t have anyone to worry over her and try to keep her from harm’s way. Now she can take care of herself, she can protect others like she always wanted. There won’t be laughs of men cruelly kicking her and calling her a little princess, there won’t be Victor hurt while trying to protect her, there won’t be Aleksey who they fret over as her parents are gone, and there won’t be any other people they’d be indebted to who can use them for their own ridiculous schemes. 

No, she’s climbing to the top and it means she won’t have anyone look at her or her family the wrong way. She can tear apart anyone who dares to mistreat her or her family. She has everything to keep herself occupied, interested, away from the deafening silence and frigidness. 

Ah, but that’s not it. That’s not what Kaveh says and that’s where the dissonance happens. Her past clashes against her present.  

Why do you look at me like Victor did? I’m stronger now. I can protect you. I won’t be hurt anymore. There’s no need to worry, no need to try and protect me, I’m fine. I’m…

—Let me take care of you the way you take care of me --- for it seems too long ago since anyone did the same for you.—

His tone crumbles and she can see him reaching out. After all, she had no second to input any of her words into this conversation. His stream of words hit her a bit harder than she’d ever expected. It makes her confused, all too confused and lost.  

This means that she hasn't been successful or what does it mean? It makes her think of Victor who’s been trying to take care of her when she was rescued. It makes her think of how when she came to Sumeru, she was looked down on by Scholars and those who were against Snezhnaya. Now they love or hate her, seeking her out despite pride and prejudice because they know she’s stronger. Isn’t it fun to see those people crawl to her? 

It makes her think of her selfishness, her indulgence, her sick satisfaction with reaching the top and watching people who underestimated her crumble before her feet. But then it all dissipates, she’s grown bored and sought out more. Like a ravenous beast in the body of a beauty. All hedonistic indulgences fade with time aside from sex and planning. The long-standing plans hold her interest for a little while longer until she’s left disappointed or satisfied for a medium period of time. It all fades, but not the warmth she feels when she’s with those she loves. Not with Victor, Aleksey, Kaveh… Not with them. Not with him. 

Oh, but Kaveh reaching out to her both emotionally and physically almost makes her feel fear. Almost, if not for her control over the internal state. It’s a titanium hold, but when his hands touch her cheeks, Sokolova feels something inside start to crack. The whispers in her mind say over and over again how he’d find her revolting, tyrannical, and cruel. He doesn’t know how little care for the world and its riches she has. 

She’s always lived selfishly, so giving to her loved ones feels like what she can do. After acquiring everything because her selfish self wanted to see how far she’d be able to reach, this development seems to be… baffling. 

His touch and his last words bring her out of that stupor. Still, confused and puzzled over these confessions within the argument, she feels at a loss. Emotions aren’t her strongest forte. Nay, genuine emotions aren’t her strongest forte. Zarina knows how to use them, manipulate them, and twirls them for her own benefit, but right now? It’s not about manipulation and malice. It’s not about shadows and darkness. It’s not about survival. It’s about… love, trust, and communication. 

Everything she wanted to protect since childhood yet never surrounded herself with until return home or when Kaveh was by her side. 

“What do you mean you don’t help me with anything?” She suddenly asks, her voice coming out genuinely puzzled but her eyes… Her eyes are bleak and cloudy, no, they’re hollow and empty when she begins. His hands against her cheeks feel so hot, her own body feels so cold. Is it because of her vision or is it because she remembered everything from that past? She doesn’t understand him, or does he not get the amount of things he does for her without knowing? “You always do. You’re the only one here who does.”

No one in Sumeru matters. No one in several regions matters aside from Snezhnaya where her brothers stay. Kaveh doesn’t know. He doesn’t know the ‘survival of the fittest’ rule she lives by, rules by, orders by. 

Zarina brings her left hand up, touching his hand but she doesn’t yet grasp it. Her fingertips grave over the fabric covering his wrist. She worries that if she grasps it, she’ll break it. Zarina recalls her first hunt in the snowy plains of Snezhnaya. She doesn’t want to break him.

“You make the nightmares go away. You make me feel safer than I’ve ever felt since…” The agonizing pain, the loud screams, the laughter of those who had control. “...since I was hurt,” Sokolova looks away for a moment, her words feel like they’re spilling out as if in desperation to get him to hear, to understand, to give him enough to have an idea but not dive into details (not yet). “You indulge me, you give me your time. There’s no silence, no hollowness, no void. You make me feel…”

Clarity returns to her golden eyes. The silverette takes a second to breathe, finally letting her fingers wrap around his wrist (tenderly, carefully). Her shoulders drop, her expression is one of light exhaustion and still flickers of bewilderment. 

“You make me feel human.”

It must be so strange to hear, isn’t it? To feel human. Isn’t she almost the most beloved in all Sumeru for her scholarly achievements, for her charismatic nature, for her connections and for her being the strongest candidate for the Amurta Sage? And yet, Zarina knows better than anyone that those achievements are not done for the sake of gratitude or betterment of the world. It’s selfish, it’s ambitious, it’s all out of boredom and pettiness. 

“You never ask for anything. I have power, I have money, I have connections, I have it all, but you never ask for anything,” she starts off. “You are my equal, if you were not…” She lets out a soft chuckle, but it’s sharp and cold. “...I wouldn’t fall for you, love you, treasure you, want to give you as much as I can. If you were not my equal, you’d be lost in the sea of faces I meet.” 

Golden eyes return to look at him, but she doesn’t smile nor show any emotion. If anything, she’s stone cold, but not guarded. She doesn’t hide, but there’s no bright light in her gaze and in her behavior.

“Do you… really think that I’ve reached all of what I have today through honored and honest work, Kaveh?” She gives his hand a gentle squeeze, but her golden eyes are growing colder the more she thinks about what she’s done… and how she feels no guilt or remorse or regret over everything. The people’s screams, the Abyssals’ pleas for mercy, the blood, the merciless ends, the survival. “Do you really think that I don’t see you as my equal? If I didn’t care about you or saw you as my equal, you would’ve never even gotten a glimpse of who I am. Like everyone else in Teyvat.”

A hard hitting sentence, isn’t it? Especially said with that razor-sharp gaze and a voice that got deeper as if she growled it out. But instead of showing the same cold-hearted ferocity, she presses her lips together and looks away from him as if ashamed. It’s not that she’s ashamed of who she is, but she is unsure of how much more she can say. 

“I… don’t know how to let others care for me,” she admits. “I don’t know how to stop protecting who I care about. And I don’t think… You’ll look at me the same if you learned the things I have to do to survive…” But also because when you’re not here, the boredom and silence come back in full force and I return to those frigid days. “What if the person you love is only kind to you, Kaveh? Will you hate me for it?” 

There’s a glimpse of cracks, of a weight no one ever expects someone to carry. But she doesn’t mind that. If it means she’s indulged and her family is protected, it means nothing. Is she really human when she does not feel any remorse for all the things she’s done? Perhaps, the only remorse and sadness comes when it comes to Kaveh. What if he fell in love with a phantom? What if her sharper and crueler sides will scare him away? There’s no fixing that. It’s simply who she is. 

“I don’t understand you.” Her lips are pressed together in frustration. “I don’t understand what you mean by taking care of me more than you already do. I don’t understand what you want from me right now. All these riches, all these connections, all of what I have… They are nothing compared to what you’ve given me. You taught me that I can love, I can experience love, I can feel it.” She brings her other hand up to touch his, but then pries his hands away from her face to hold them instead. “And yes, it doesn’t make the world better and it doesn’t make colors seem brighter, but it settles me down. It makes me… think that a normal life isn’t out of the question for me.”

 Then, Zarina laughs. But it’s hollow and bitter and feels like shattering. 

“To accept your help, I must give up control… of everything I am. And if I do,” she lets out a soft exhale. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to pick myself up if you reject me.” 

Finally, she smiles but that smile is soft and careful. Not sharp, not hollow, not cold. It’s more familiar to him. It’s more genuine, it’s as genuine as she can muster when her mind remembers everything she does behind his back to remain on top. She cannot simply end everything she rules over, it’s already too late. Too many people want her head, too many people rely on her, too many people have their eyes on her, too many people wait for her word like their only prayer.

“You are my lifeline, Kaveh. You already give me so much, I want to…” She gives his hands a squeeze, gaining up courage to say the next words. He’s more important to her than everything she’s acquired. She’s lived her life selfishly already. “But alright. I don’t yet understand, and that’s why… Can you teach me… how to let you care for me in a way you meant?” Without this iron control over everything. As she holds his hands in her own, she bends down to press her forehead against his knuckles. A beast offering its leash to another, she hopes he won’t turn away the more she opens up. “But please, I’m begging you, give me time to tell you everything. My life belongs to you, you are my heart. I still don’t understand, I probably will struggle, but be my guide here. So please,” she straightens up and gives him another small smile. She’s trying. It’s obvious. She’s trying against everything she’s been taught by life, by experience, by struggle and torturous existence. But for him? She’s trying. It’s tense, but she’s trying. “Be a patient teacher with me. I’ve never… been protected… and I haven’t been cared for since my childhood.”

[fardf150]

fuck

[cameronspecial]

how about we go a lil angsty? the reader hadn’t yet told him about her being pregnant bcs she remembers Drew once said he doesnt know if he wants to be a dad and so she tried to bring the topic up with hypothetical questions and his answers not exactly the thing she wanted to hear so she went all silent and pulled herself away and stuff.

I dont wanna give it away, so please you decide the ending..either they communicate and Dad!Rafe rise or…

I Want This

Pairing: Dad!Drew Starkey x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of Abortions and Miscommunication

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 1.2K

Masterlist

Well… She doesn’t know what she expected the results to be, but this is definitely an answer. Y/N doesn’t even think she can focus on the opinion she has of this situation because all she can think about is Drew’s.

———

“Awww, Babe, look at this pic of Lils that Mac sent me,” he gushed, holding his phone up to his fiancée. She looked up from her laptop, “So cute. Ugh, I miss them so much. I mean look at those little baby rolls. I just want to cuddle the cutie.” He smiled and brought her head under the crook of his neck. “I know. We have to visit them soon. I’m so glad I have a niece. It means I can be the fun uncle forever and never have to be a dad,” he mindlessly thought out loud, going back to scrolling on his phone. This caused her to freeze; they never talked about having kids, but he was so good with them that she assumed he would want them. She should’ve asked him about it because she wanted them. She didn’t though. Kids were important to her and so was Drew. She wasn’t ready to cause a rift in their relationship because of something small. 

———

Staring at the positive pregnancy test, she has to figure out a way to gauge how he would feel about it before actually telling him the truth. Once she knows how he feels, it will help her decide how she wants to feel about it seeing that if they are on the opposite page, then she would have to make a difficult decision. She shoves the positive tests into the box and hides them in her makeup drawer. He never goes looking there. She exits the bathroom, lets out a deep breath, and heads to the kitchen to start getting lunch ready. Drew is coming home from filming in Morocco later today. The music blasting through the speakers makes her unaware of the new presence in the house. He smiles at the dancing silhouette cutting potatoes. His hand drops over her eyes and she sets the knife down with a grin. Her arms wrap around her neck to bring him down towards her. This allows her to pepper his face with kisses. “Hey, you weren’t supposed to be back until tonight,” she notices, turning the music off. His hand rests on her hip, “I was, but I was offered an early flight and I couldn’t say no to seeing my girl early. I missed you and I love you.” She sinks into his hold. “I missed and love you too.”

The couple spend the next half an hour cooking together before settling themselves at the dining room table. Since they talked to each other throughout cooking, silence falls over them. A chime comes from his phone and he checks it to see a text from his sister. “Mac is planning on coming down with Lils and my mom soon. They can stay in the guest room, right?” Drew confirms, reading over the text again. She nods, “Yeah, I’ll get it ready over the weekend and buy one of those travelling crib things for Lils. It is going to be fun to have a baby around the house. The guest room would make a nice baby room in the future. It has nice big windows and the closet is the perfect size.” The chuckle that comes out of his mouth drops her stomach into a furnace. 

“What’s so funny?” she questions. He shrugs, “Not the babysitting part. They could both use a break and I will never say no to spending time with my niece. It’s just the thought of having to turn the guest room into a baby room is funny.” 

“Oh, why?”

“I don’t know. It’s a guest room. I mean where would our family stay when they come over?” 

“Yeah, where would they stay?”

She should probably ask if he meant he can’t imagine the room as a baby room right now or if it was a forever thought; however, she is scared of the answer she is going to get so she shuts down the conversation. They sit in a new tension-filled silence that he pretends he can’t feel. 

———

After lunch, Y/N retreats to the backyard to swing in the hammock. This tells him that she needs some space and he knows she is upset when she is still outside at eleven p.m. The friction of the patio door sliding against each other makes her turn to him. She doesn’t acknowledge his presence, waiting for him to say something. He places the plate of pasta he made for dinner onto the side table beside the hammock. “I found the pregnancy tests,” he states, bringing one of the patio chairs close to her. She freezes and sits up. Her legs swing over the fabric to face him, “How?” “Maddie helped me pick out clay pot Moroccan lipstick for you and I wanted to surprise you with it. I was going to hide it in your drawer…” he explains, eyes falling to his fingers and trailing off at the end. Her head moves up and down. Her thoughts are moving around her head a thousand miles a second. He is going to break up with her. He is going to make her have an abortion. Or worse. He is going to make her choose between the baby or him on the spot. 

He grows nervous when she doesn’t say anything and his suspicions are confirmed. He understands why she is unsure about talking to him about this. The way he has spoken about having a baby in the past could’ve given her the wrong idea. He hesitantly reaches to place a hand on hers and does it when she doesn’t shy away. “I want you to know that the decision about what we do with the baby is up to you and I will be at your side during the whole process,” he assures. Her confusion causes tears to crop up in her eyes, “You don’t want the baby though. I know that, so if you are going to break up with me because I do, then just do it. But making me have to choose is kinda cruel.” His heart squeezes, hating that his words aren’t coming out as he means them to be. His head shakes like crazy and he sits beside her. He brings her head against his chest, “Babe, I don’t want to break up with you. I want to have this baby with you too.”

“You want the baby? Then how come you don’t think the guest room would be a good baby room?”

“Because my office would be a better one. The windows aren’t too big so it won’t wake the baby up in the morning and the closet there is even bigger, so when they get older they can have as many clothes as their heart desires.”

“Okay, you are right… What about when you said you want to be an uncle forever and never be a dad?”

“Honestly, I never really thought I would want to be a dad. I was content with being an uncle, but, Babe, when I found that pregnancy test, all I could think about was how happy I was to be bringing a child into the world with the most amazing woman in the world and I couldn’t wait to raise them with you.”

She leans back and rests a warm palm on his cheeks, trying to hold back her tears. “So you want to have this baby?” she verifies. He kisses the tears away, “I want this, Babe. I promise. We are going to do this. Together.”

Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @wickedlovely121 @thepatriarchykeychain @drewsmusee @starkowswife @maybankslover @forstarkey @loving-and-dreaming @magicalyoura

[bulbabutt]

okay. lets bite the bullet and talk about 2012. lets talk about child abuse, familial abuse, generational abuse, toxic family units, whatever you wanna call it. lets talk about it and whether it exists in this show. i actually encourage you to read this no matter what your take is, just to hear it out. let me be FUCKING clear: i love this show, but i get scared to talk about it seriously. everyone on every side is defensive all the time but i love every turtles show to no end.

this post is going to go over so well and not controversially at all.

precursor: every splinter is some level of shitty dad. he always has been. the fucking bare bones of the character is that he raised his children to kill the man who killed his own father. thats inherently fucked up. every splinter has some level of fucked up about him. maybe hes inattentive, or neglectful, or strict, or secretive, maybe hes just not very good at dealing with his kids. splinter is supposed to be far from perfect. thats what makes him splinter. maybe he grows over the course of a series, maybe he doesnt. maybe hes supposed to be shitty his whole life, maybe hes not. thats just splinter. each is adapted differently depending on the story being told.

and 2012 has a very interesting tone to its story.

lets start at the beginning, back in japan. this is season 3, was this story what they intended when they started writing the show back in season 1? probably not, theres probably things they would have written differently had they known this was where splinter's story started. thats kind of the way tv works, you add the details later. but for our sake of analyzing the character of splinter as a whole, it seems best to start here as if its all intentional.

hamato yoshi is a member of the hamato clan. theyre a very traditional old ninja clan in the modern world, they have old feuds and theyre trying to keep their culture alive. they're literally the last of a clan of ninjas like this, having (supposedly) defeated the foot clan (their generational enemies) back when yoshi was a baby. hes set out to lead next, and its very important to him. and yet hes married to a woman who works in the city, a modern woman who doesnt live the life he does. she even moved to be with him. i feel the need to compare this to how men in the real world who want traditional wives never go for women who are willing to be their housewives, always try to break down the independent ones. splinter seems unconcerned with how his wife wants to live. with how she wants their daughter to be raised.

im not necessarily saying this is how this comes off in the show, but i find it interesting to think about. this is absolutely the most rounded version of tang shen as a character (thus far) it stops her being just a name on a page "hamato yoshi's love and the object of his enemies affections who died" and turns her into a woman who has a stake in the story. gives her more agency.

its very interesting that this show implies an actual relationship between tang shen and oroku saki, albeit a one-sided one that didnt work out, but they do seem to have parted on equal ground. the pair of them discuss yoshi's inattentive duties as a husband and father, that he's too obsessed with the tradition and lineage of his clan. honestly, if this woman just took her baby and left no one would blame her! he has his priorities set, and it leaves no room for her and their newborn baby. if she ran away with saki at this point, the story would make just as much sense.

but then disaster strikes, saki learns the truth about his family, that he was actually a child of the foot clan (honestly i wish we saw this play out instead of jumping ahead in the story but thats not what this post is about) and he kills he and yoshi's father. revenge for him having killed his. cycles of abuse and revenge that never end. the pair of them were raised in this society that values lineage like this, that would kill for it. its no wonder they both grew up this way.

anyway, tang shen is killed by a blow meant for yoshi, and saki takes their child and raises her. based on splinter's lack of desire to be a father so far in the story, its honestly not one you can blame him for. its fucked up, but it makes sense. saki does to miwa exactly what his father did to him. cycles of abuse and revenge.

yoshi loses everything, and moves to america. he's turned into splinter the mutant rat, and gains four turtle sons.

so as established, he's not exactly grown up with a stable family life. he obviously, while human, wasnt acting as a stable father for the child he intended to have. so how good is he at this?

ive talked before about how the 2003 show treats the turtles as kind of one whole unit. they don't have individual relationship arcs, they dont have overarching storylines where they grow apart or closer, they're always in each other's corner.

2012 makes this more dynamic. here we see that 15 years seeing no one but each other, growing under this splinter has come with its own quirks. these brothers dont understand each other that well. they get jealous of each others treatment, some are left out, some are misunderstood. raph resents leo, none of them appreciate what donnie does, mikey bothers everyone else for attention, etc. it creates a really good starting place for this show.

(the issue i have with this show is more that they never really open or close any of these beats, at least not in ways that last. but boy does it make for some good dramatic scenes)

we see over the course of this first season that splinter treats his children just as he was, as little ninjas more so than sons. he raises them to follow his traditions, the ones tang shen never cared for. but this is all he knows how to be! you cant really blame him.

most people bring up mikey as the quintessential example when they talk about this, i dont want to do that cuz i know you've all heard it. while i think his father does disrespect him and i think it is paid forward and his brothers do too, i'd rather talk about raph for a change.

in one episode, raph loses his temper. to teach him a lesson, splinter makes his brothers pelt him in training while insulting him any way they can, and tells him to just... not lose his temper. this is a terrible lesson in general. instead of trying to coax out why he might be angry, it just plays up that if he loses his temper bad things happen.

splinter in this episode basically encourages bullying. this comes up a lot when it comes to raph. to compare, in 2003 when raph loses his temper, hes told to blow off steam which he does. his brothers don't blame him for having emotional outbursts, they know thats just how he is so they know how he needs to cope with it. he's given the physical space to let it out.

im not saying this show needs to be like that show, im just saying thats a version of this story where the outcome is better for raph as a whole. since this outcome is not as good for him emotionally, you can tell why he's still got these emotional issues. splinter never helps him more than that. thats more why this raph differs from that one, if that makes sense. one has his family in his corner more than the other.

speaking of. raph has a pet turtle. this turtle is the only one he can talk to about how he feels. why might that be? it's the only thing hes kind and gentle to, and he refuses to let his brothers make him feel weak for being kind to it. where did he learn to be ashamed of being kind and gentle? thats a learned behaviour. in a house full of other men... yeah, that would happen. but whos values start that?

when this turtle gets some mutagen spilled on it, it tries to get revenge on his family. there is such a resentment going on here, its extremely juicy. the show chalks this up to "post mutation insanity", but its just as easy to think that everything raph has experienced has made him seem angry and resentful and perhaps scared to his pet, and that former pet wants raph to himself so they can be free. the frustrated venting of a child complaining about how no one understands him in such a big way turns slash into a vengeful monster, cuz thats all he's ever heard. it makes sense, he went from a little turtle to a fully cognizant adult aged being in an instant. emotionally no one would handle that well, and definitely not someone whos only ever heard the worst about people.

he comes around later. notably by being on his own, away from the hamatos.

again, im not saying the show is writing this intentionally, but i think tonally its in the zone where you could see this analysis as being canon. that these little pieces of narrative fit the worldview of a toxic family unit that isnt dealing with its problems in a healthy way.

there's other small aspects. leo slaps mikey early on, having seen it on his favourite show be used as a way of getting someone to calm down. mikey questions this behaviour, leo seems to feel bad about it when questioned. if we know that that behaviour was bad, what other things might he emulate in a similar way?

there's things like donnie's predatory behaviour towards april. in a world where all they ever knew was splinter's stories of the outside world (and perhaps television from decades earlier), hearing splinter's story of his love for tang shen, his rivalry with his own brother over her, you could actually see why he would behave the way he does, why he claims her the way he does. not as an excuse, but as a reason he learned the behaviour. and there's multiple opportunities for his father to tell him off. he never does. why would he? he knows no better.

this splinter, unlike every other, is not old or disabled. he doesnt require a cane (at the start, but also was never a good cane) and its interesting that despite being like... a 40 year old man in the peak of his life he does not accompany his sons on missions. he sits around doing nothing and disproves of his sons heroic actions. april literally calls him out for this at one point. the show is actually telling us some of this man's behaviour is wrong.

one of the more upsetting things that happens in this household is a lot of physical hitting. "theyre training" you might say. understandable. but when you see a lot of hitting come from the father in this show, played for a laugh, when you see splinter play the "drunk master" bit it makes you think. is that okay? isnt that a bit much?

the end of the muckman episode is a freeze frame of splinter (after having knocked out all of his sons to punish them for leaving while grounded) turning his anger on april and her running away. idk thats just not funny to me. this is a bit of the dating of the show, 2012 was a time where character's in shows were meaner, less affectionate, more bullying in nature. that was the sense of humour at the time. that isnt me making a judgment, it's just kind of the era. a pre steven universe world, if that makes sense. so many of the jokes that end in a hit aren't funny in 2024. especially not when they come from a parent.

when this splinter speaks about his kids to their brothers he often ends up insulting them. "you should be like mikey, he never overthinks because he doesn't think", this would be a big reason the boys speak about each other the way they do to their faces. puts forward a bit more of that bullying thing i mentioned earlier. if their own father talks about them like this, of course their brothers do too. so of course they join in and give payback.

again. splinter wasnt raised in a normal family. he was raised in a ninja commune with a bunch of murderers. he wasn't great with his wife and baby daughter. its not surprising that he's bad at this.

so, ive just said a bunch of things about what's wrong with this household as a whole. i think ive explained why the family unit behaves the way it does: generational teachings of feuds and traditional values. i dont think this makes the show bad! i, in fact, wish there was more of it. i think theres so much low hanging fruit that the show kind of wants to play with, but cant fully bring itself to.

specific example: during the space arc on a planet thats driving all the characters emotions against each other we get this amazing scene where raph screams at leo for being splinter's favourite. leo responds by hugging him. its really well done!

however its never brought up again, never actually getting into the nitty gritty of why raph feels like that is exactly what i think makes this show resonate with so many people

its dark! it pulls at your heart strings! it makes people feel seen! we go in mikey's head at one point and see such splintered (lol) personalities in his head. he has a huge anger problem (much like raph) in there. he retreats into imagination land when stressed. the show kind of toys with "these kids are fucked up!" but never lets those character moments go anywhere. i love how fucked up this family is. its so complex, it feels real. at least real to me. i wish it went that little step further and let the characters talk about these things a little more.

maybe you have a different experience, and thats fine! but i wouldnt brush off people like me who look at 2012 and say "these dynamics make me uncomfortable". to excuse it by saying "my family is like that and we're fine" sometimes i just wanna say... <:/ are you? have you talked about that? and if that's your read on it is that its fine, thats great. but some people notice patterns and those patterns can make them uncomfortable. i hope ive explained the patterns here.

i think thats why the fandom is as big as it is. this show would lead to the most amazing deep introspective fan-works youve ever seen, it lays the pieces out so perfectly for you to draw your own conclusions about why they are this way. you cant really blame people for talking about it as if its got a way higher rating than it does. it feels like it does.

i should say, i dont even know if i blame the show on its own for leaving those pieces laying there, it was on nickelodeon. i sense studio meddling in the tone. i mean, given that the show wanted to end with the big mutant apocalypse storyline, and yet the network wanted to end it with the big 87 crossover..... yeah i think its safe to say nick would rather they keep it light.

which is funny, because i think the most controversial thing i can say is i personally love the finale arc as the mutant apocalypse. it so encapsulates my favorite part of this show. to end this show in the darkest timeline and say "even though these characters are so far removed from who they used to be and even though the entire world is over they still have each other in the end" and i find that so perfect.

so. i understand that this is always a touchy topic. i know people want to brush it off as "people say the 12 brothers are abusive to mikey but mikey is fine", and i think thats a really skewed version of it from both sides. first of all. mikey is not fine, look in that boys head. look how he copes. he's not. but also, mikey is not the only victim. they all are. these turtles are victims of their upbringing, victims of generational war. of men who didnt know how to be good fathers in the first place. and thats good writing! it feels deep! it connects!

for more context: any fucked up way you can think of karai being raised by shredder? its probably the same way here. splinter and shredder were raised the same way.

i guess i think about this a lot, cuz i always see things like "oh, rise fans write crossovers where the rise boys love each other and have to teach the 12 boys how to be nice cuz they dont like 2012!" and i just think to myself:

guys. do you understand why a person might do that? why would someone (likely a teenager) want 2012 mikey to be treated nicely by a kinder more openly affectionate version of his own family? do i need to spell that out for you? why do we connect with media at all, why do we write our own stories about it?

if you genuinely dont. i mean, im glad for you. but sometimes you wanna imagine a world in which your own family is more openly affectionate with you. where they hug and tell you theyre proud and love you and you never have to question it, never have to look elsewhere for that kind of approval. its less that they're idolizing rise, and more that they're looking at the two families and saying "this one is emotionally mature and in touch with their feelings more than that one. how would that play out?"

doctor feelings ass response.

look, im not saying everyone understands 2012, that everyone likes or needs to like it. im just trying to say that i think these fucked up parts of 2012 are all around my favourite parts of the show. its an inspiring story about this fucked up little family that has no one but each other, and they're not great about it. they try, but they don't always get it right. i just wish the show would have talked about that part more. but i think that since it doesnt people get to fill in those blanks themselves, and they do it so beautifully. and i really wish people on the internet would be more kind to one another when they wanted to discuss these darker themes they find in it.

these are the reasons i love this show. i think its so very interesting that splinter dies this fucked up father figure who never really apologized for his behaviour. i like that raph needs to be held to stop punching his brothers. that leo doesnt have a good grip on what it is to be a leader, that he tries bad ways of doing it. i like that no one copes well! i like that their relationships are so complex! this show is messy! its good! i wish it was more messy!

and id love if we could be more honest about these things and how they make us feel instead of just brushing each other off as "likes the show" or "doesnt like the show". the things that make me uncomfortable are why i love this show and i'm pretty sure i'm not alone there.

[arcticzuko]

Spy x Family Ch 96 spoilers

Seeing people complain about Anya telling Damian that she can read minds before Loid/Yor is so mind boggling to me. Because even if we ignore the fact that Anya is scared of being abandoned by Loid and Yor if she tells them the truth, or the fact that Damian is someone her age/a peer, and it's common for kids to feel like it's easier to tell things to their peers then to their parents... even if we ignore all that, it was ALWAYS going to Damian. I feel like Endo has been hinting that for a long time. It's a recurring theme/gag that Damian questions if Anya can read minds... and I feel like Endo has also been building up the fact that Anya and Damian actually are in pretty similar situations... they both want to impress their father/make their father proud.

LIKE THIS PANEL... Anya isn't mind reading here. There are no sparkles around her head. She didnt need to mind read! She KNOWS that Damian loves his father!

And there have been many moments in which she seems to show some reflection/thought after hearing Damians thoughts about his father (like during the dodge ball game, or her apologizing when they were making their paper animals)

ALSO THIS SCENE...

Here Anya literally says she doesn't even know if Loid likes her, because he's so hard to understand. But she loves him, and believes in him. Isn't that EXACTLY what Damian is going through right now?

Perhaps people didn't completely register all these small moments bc of the gag/jokey vibe Damian and Anya moments have, but I feel like it's ALWAYS been there that Anya maybe relates to Damian in this way, which is why she has her moments where she tries to be kind to him.

Also I want to point out that, in a LOT of pivotal moments, Endo DOESNT tell us what Anya is thinking. Instead we have to guess or theorize... and we know that when Anya is doing a sobered up/serious expression, we should definitely pay attention. (Some random panels below to show u what I mean).

And in this panel, I feel like Endo is doing something similar... I mean look at Anya's expression!

So I feel like in this moment, where Damian is being honest, and kind, and true to himself-- it makes Anya want to be truthful too. And I don't think it came out of nowhere. I mean I was surprised LOL but I never thought it didn't make sense for this to happen.

I think people forget that Anya is probably the character we know the least about, and that a lot of her more "serious" thoughts are usually kept from us, but that doesn't mean she's not... thinking serious things lol!!

Anyway this was a long rant and idek if it made sense but if you got this far thanks for reading lol

[freshxsturniolo]

but, why? - NEW SERIES PART ONE. chris sturniolo x femreader!

based off of this request!

nick answered your facetime on the first ring, just as you had expected him too. you would have loved to have said you had not intend to keep your new dating life a secret from your three best friends, but you would be lying. you had never had a relationship that hadn't been critically picked apart by the three triplets. you know they did it in love, they were your best friends and none blood brothers, in a way, but this time you didn't want it. you were happy. you were being silly, you were having fun, you wanted things to flow.

you were going to tell them, you weren’t even dating the guy yet but you felt good about him, but in your happy bubble you hadn’t thought twice before posting your instagram story. nick had seen it within 3 minutes.

“hello baby girl” he joked, a nickname he had for you.

"hello baby boy" you joked back, an automatic smile washing over your face. nick chuckled as you watched him prop a pillow behind his head as he got himself comfortable in his bed, you too shuffling your position on your couch.

"so, you hate your best friend. what else is there to know?" he said, and you immediately rolled your eyes.

"not like you to be dramatic, nicolas" you said. "i love you and thats why i didn't tell you straight away."

"that doesnt make sense" nick said, and you sighed.

"because you boys are insufferable anytime another man enters my life. and i didn't want to argue with any of you about it." you explained.

"because we love you, so much" nick answered back. "we only ever want you to be safe and happy."

you smiled now, knowing his words were true. "i know. i know."

nick was about to open his mouth to speak again, when you heard commotion coming from somewhere in his room. his head immediately whipped up to where you could tell from the layout of his room was his bedroom door, and you watched as his eyes widened. you were about to ask if he was okay when a voice behind the camera spoke.

"is that her right now?"

chris. your best friend chris. your overprotective, sometimes overbearing best friend chris. but equal amounts your most favourite person on the planet.

nick looked towards you now, and you let out a sigh as you nodded your head, before nick turned the phone towards him. chris was walking over to the bed already, and it took him two seconds to grab the phone out of nicks hand.

"who is he?"

"chris-"

"no, y/n. who is that?"

you sigh, there was never going to be any winning. you had no idea what it was with chris that made him like this, but ever since you were young he had acted like a feral over protective brother whenever you so much as bated an eye at anyone else. it had saved you many times from make decisions you would later regret, but there was the few times, like right now, where you felt it unnecessary.

"its someone i've been on a few dates with, chris. chill out."

he was staring at you so intensely through the phone, you could hear nick in the background telling him to sit down and calm down, but he was pacing nicks room like he had a stick up his ass.

"okay, so is he your boyfriend?"

you roll your eyes again. "no-"

"oh." chris said, and you don't know if you were imagining things, but you swear you saw a moment of relief wash over him. but you were telling the truth, you weren’t dating him. but you could feel it going that way. it felt more than just casual. it felt nice. it felt exciting.

you had no time to say anything else before the phone was snatched out of chris' hands, and nick came into view again.

"so you're NOT actually dating him?" he almost squeaked.

"no. well,-" and then you stopped, because there was no use explaining over facetime, where you could already hear chris making remarks. you sighed before sitting up, grabbing your car keys from the coffee table in front of you and swinging them in front of your face. "i'll come over."

nick smiled, turning to chris. "she's coming over, dumbass, you can fucking chill out a second."

chris emerged behind nicks shoulder. "you can bring me a 7/11 slurpee on the way, for the stress."

you rolled your eyes, already walking over to your front door. "the fucking stress." you mocked. he was so dramatic, but you were already planning which route to go where you would pass by one for him.

you said goodbye, throwing your phone into your pocket as you left your house, knowing you were probably in for a long interrogation.

[iznyangwoni]

EASY TO LOVE | chapter nineteen !

You’ve been working all day on the outfits for the festival and honestly it’s been great at taking your mind off of Jungwon. This last week all you did was ignore him, thinking of how you should talk to him, what to say, how to say it. But all your overthinking did was just making you distance yourself from him, as if fighting wasnt enough.

You sigh, finally finishing one of the hundreds sketches you need to do before sunday. Its already getting late, but you need a few more people to come in for you to take measurements, so its gonna take a while before you can go home, not that you really mind, you like doing this after all.

You hear a knock on the door, so you tell them to come in, not really looking towards that direction since you’re busy choosing a color for the skirts. The door closes and you raise your head only when a grocery bag stops your vision. Your heart drops when you see Jungwon, you cant really read his expression, he looks both annoyed and relieved.

You take off your headphones and glasses, your ears getting red. “Sunghoon told me you haven’t eaten all day.” You gulp, not really knowing what to say, your eyes fall on the bag, then on Jungwon again. “You spoke… with Sunghoon?” “You’ve been avoiding me for a week, i did what i had to do.”

You bite your inner lip, you cant really imagine the two of them having a normal conversation, but you’re glad they’re growing. Jungwon sits in front of you, his eyes never leaving you, you’re trying to be tough, but its hard when your mind is going a thousand per miles and your heart is about to explode.

“I’ve been busy with the festival.” “Don’t bullshit me.” His cold voice makes your back shiver, and then you see it, that angry look he’s had since the fight, you run a hand through your hair, and then start tidying up the desk, you know he’s not going until you eat, so might as well get this over soon.

“I don’t like your attitude.” You say, and he laughs sarcastically, taking the ramen off of the bag, he already put the hot water in it before coming, the thought of him doing all of this for you makes you sigh. “Just eat and dont complain.” You roll your eyes and finally sit down again to eat, you only left your sketchbook on the table, just in case you get any ideas.

“You’ve been hanging a lot with Minji..” “Mh.” Jungwon didn’t think twice before digging into his ramen, meanwhile you’re still playing with your chopsticks. “Riki and Jake say that she’s been weird lately. So they dont hang much with us anymore.” “Ah.” This whole thing is awkward, the way you’re talking, the way he either looks into your soul or doesn’t look at you at all.

Still, maybe this is the right time to tell him the truth, to finally express how you feel and actually tell him what happened, but you’re still scared. Jungwon basically doesn’t hang out with his best friends only because of her, how delusional do you have to be to think he would believe you? “Jungwon… I’m scared.”

Finally his eyes meet yours again, your hand is slightly shaking, and you cant really stop it now. You bite your inner lip once again, meanwhile he completely stops eating just to hear you out. “Of what?” “Of you not believing me. Or of you choosing Minji instead of me.” “Y/n you can’t make me choose.”

That’s exactly what you were afraid of. Of course he doesnt want to choose, he’s known you only for a few months, meanwhile him and Minji have been friends since ever, he’s never going to pick you. “You’ll have to once you know what happened.” “Then tell me.” You take a deep breath, you really cant find the words to tell him, he’s looking at you patiently, but you dont know how long he can wait.

Just thinking back about it makes you feel ill and dirty, you want things with jungwon to work out, you want to be able to date him and call him your boyfriend but god is it hard to just say it. You look at him, your throat already hurting meanwhile he seems to be getting disappointed. “That video minji mentioned to you…” your mouth feels dry, meanwhile your eyes are the complete opposite.

You shake your head, you dont want to say it, you dont want him to think of you as low as you think of yourself for what happened. Jungwon hand reaches out to yours, wanting to soothe you. “Jiyoon was in Minji’s friend group last year, and we… we weren’t really friends.” You decide to start like this, its really now or never.

“And i was kind of dating this guy, Ricky.” “Kind of?” You give him a bad look, its not really the time to joke now, but you’re glad he’s making it less awkward.

“Well, turns out, Ricky was cheating on me with her, and they wanted me out of the picture.” You take another deep breath, you did have a little crush on Ricky last year, but it was nothing like what you feel for Jungwon, but thinking about what happened still hurts you like crazy. “So they.. they decided to take a video, something that could ruin the reputation of my family if it got out…i didnt know the phone was there when it was recording.”

Jungwon is listening carefully, caressing your fingers with his thumb, going through your jewelry so gently. “What was in the video?” You look at him again, you really dont want to say it, but you have to. “It was me, at Ricky’s house. And we were alone, and.. things escalated and we were-” “Y/n.”

The way he calls you makes you scared, is he mad at you? Does he think you’re disgusting? You dont even want to look at him in the eyes out of fear.

“Y/n, look at me.” Your bottom lip is trembling as he interlocks his fingers with yours. “Why didnt you tell me earlier?” “I was scared..” Your voice is breaking as you speak, Jungwon gets up and hugs you, you hide your face in the crook of his neck, you didnt expect him to act like this. But your friends were right at the end. Jungwon kisses your forehead before speaking, cupping your face.

“You’re safe with me.” You nod again, your eyes are watery, but you’re happy he doesnt hate you. You feel like you finally got a rock off of your back and you can finally breathe. You look at the table, the ramen is cold by now, but thats the last of your problems. “I cant believe she would threaten you with something like that i’m so sorry Y/n I-“ “Wonie you couldn’t know.” “Let me take you out to make up for it.” You giggle at that, and nod happily.

“yes, yes lets do that.”

prev | masterlist | next

author’s note we really are reaching the end 🥲 but dont worry i wont vanish, i already posted the masterlist for my next smau! it would be great if you can check it out hihi ily

TAGLIST @unhakki @firstclassjaylee @en-verse @mxxninthesky @onlyhyunjin @heeseungmyman @jiamini @yoonzns @wonswondrland @50-husbands @leaderwonim @aloloveswonie @f3rraribabez @jwonistic @ribbioniki @kyanmeai @ilovejungwonandhaechan @nat123c @yjwsgf @gyuvision @realrintaro @glxzillx @qettalos @rairaiblog @sakanelli-afc @onlyjungchan @haohaoshoe @vixensss @terryfiedgyu

[justagirlwholikesadam]

The American: Welcome Back!

Remus Lupin x American! Reader

Summary: Sirius slips out a name that Harry has never heard of before. He wants to get to the bottom of it and wants to know who is this so called, Yankee.

A/n: Not sure of doing more on this. It's up to the readers. I had this idea brewing in my head. Enjoy! -L

Warning: SFW, fuff, angst, tonks doesn't get the hint, Harry finds out he has a aunt, we are with remus because why not, saying the lord's name in vain.

Word Count: 4.1K

═ ≪ ❈ ≫ ═

The day was long and Harry was utterly exhausted. There were some days where he didn't even want to get up from bed. He was tired. Tired of everything that had recently happened. Voldemort was coming back and he had an army. He wanted to join The Order of Phoenix, Sirius had backed him up during dinner at Grimmauld Place. The place that once held the Black Family is now used for The Order to have their meeting.

Roaming around Grimmauld Place after dinner, Harry found himself in the room that held the family tree of the Black Family. That’s what Sirius told him when he found him inside looking at the walls.

“My mother did that after I ran away. She was a charming woman.” Sirius told him as he pointed at a burn mark above his name on the wall. Harry can see the sadness and anger in his eyes. Sirius hated his family for their wicked ways and their outdated ideas.

“I was always welcomed at the Potters.” Sirius answered Harry when the boy asked him where he went after he left home at the age of sixteen.

“We all were.” Sirius said as his eyes drifted to the end of the room, there was a faint smile on his face. “Your grandparents were so kind to everyone. Even to me and to Yankee.”

“Yankee?” Harry asked Sirius. His Godfather’s blue eyes widened when he realized he said it outloud.

“Another friend of the group. Remus hasn't mentioned it to you?” Harry shook his head.

“Another secret added to the list of secrets everyone keeps from me. How grand.” Harry said with a huff as he turned away from Sirius. He understood his godson. He didn't want Harry to feel that way. Before Sirius can speak out the front door opens and he can hear people walking inside.

“It's probably the Order. We should greet them. We will speak about this.” Sirius said, placing a hand on Harry’s shoulder.

Sirius walked, Harry was behind him as they made their way down the hall to the kitchen where they saw Tonks and Remus. By the look on Remus’ face, Sirius knew Remus was annoyed. He chuckled when he saw Tonks being a little bit too touchy to his best mates liking. Harry watched as he sat down on the kitchen table as Remus dogged a touch from Tonks and made his way to sit across from Harry.

“Harry.” Remus greets him as he sits down by the far end of the table where Harry sat. Sirius quickly makes his way to the only seat next to Remus.

“Tonks, I believe Molly wanted to speak with you about something.” Sirius said over his shoulder at her, who just then realized she was too late to sit next to Remus. She rolled her eyes but nodded before walking away from the kitchen. Harry kept his mouth shut as he looked at Sirius and Remus who were having a silent conversation with their eyes.

“This wouldn't be happening if you just told everyone the truth, Moony.” Sirius finally said putting his elbows on the table.

Remus took a drink of his tea and glanced over at Harry.

“Tonks is a lovely lass but she doesn't understand the word NO.” Harry knew too well about Tonks' crush on Remus. He had seen the girl fawn over his ex werewolf teacher before. Remus always lets her down gently, telling her he was too old for her and he doesnt think it's a good idea because he's a werewolf.

“Well her and Molly are in the same boat.” Sirius commented, making Remus agree with him since Molly was the first to add the idea into Tonks' mind.

“Maybe Yankee can help.” Harry mumbled as he looked down at the table not noticing how Remus' face changed.

“What?” Remus asked in a deep voice causing Harry to look up. Looking over Sirius who had a grimace look, his heart fell to his stomach.

“Where did you hear that name?” Harry cursed at himself, calling himself an idiot for throwing that name out. He wasn’t expecting Remus’ reaction. Remus' eyes darken for a second.

He did it because he had got annoyed by the fact that no one wanted to tell him anything. He knew it was true because of the look on Sirius’ face when he told them at dinner about what Voldemort wants. Molly had interrupted Sirius, telling him that Harry is just a boy and that he doesn’t need to know any of this.

“My fault, Moony. It came out when I told Harry about his grandparents.” Sirius said, looking over at Remus.

“Didn't we say-” “I know.” Sirius cuts him off.

Before Remus could speak again, Sirius waved his hand at Remus. “Do remember, I have kept it a secret for 12 years. That counts for something and Harry should know about his cool badass aunt.”

‘Aunt? Cool? Badass?’ Harry repeats to himself. Remus takes another sip and looks at Harry over the rim of the teacup. Looking over at Sirius, who is staring at him with pleading eyes to not be mad. Remus lets out a sigh.

“My wife is indeed a cool badass, isn't she?” Remus asked while giving Sirius a smirk. His pal smiled and bumps his shoulders with him before looking over at Harry.

“Wife?” Harry asked, looking between Remus and Sirius. “But you don't have-” Remus brings a hand to his neck and pulls on a golden chain under his sweater and shows it to Harry. There was a golden wedding band at the end of the chain.

“Is she-ddd-dead?” Harry asked in a stutter. Sirius shakes his head at Harry and he doesn't know why he felt relief. “I spoke to her two days ago. She made it safely to California after being stationed in New York for two years.” Remus said.

“In America? New York City, the states?” Harry asked, surprised. The two men infront of Harry nodded, smiling at the young boy's shocked face.

“Why would she leave? She's your wife.”

“She left because she is an American and they needed people. Hence the nickname, Yankee.” Harry still looked confused.

Sirius leans forward. “We aren't the only Order, Harry. Voldemort has gone as far as letting other Death Eaters go to the States to recruit more. Yankee is a member of our Order as well as the American’s Order. She is fighting as we are speaking."

“Wow.” Harry said after a few seconds.

“Does she know about me?” Sirius lets out a chuckle as Remus just smiles at Harry.

“Knows you?! She wiped your behind when you were just a babe. Remus here too.” Sirius smacks Remus’ back then turns serious to Harry.

“As the godfather, I had much more important things to do with you then wiping your behind.” Remus rolls his eyes at Sirius.

“Like buying him a broom when he was just a couple of days old.” Remus said with a laugh.

“Sirius would watch us change you as he stood by the door of your room. Harry, Sirius is willing to do anything for you but he just couldn't change your diaper even if it was with magic. The moment he saw we were done. Sirius would grab you and announce there were official and important things to do with you.” Harry just smiled bright as he listened to Remus' story.

“Yeah! They were important.” Sirius shouts playfully.

“Watching the telly with Harry isn't that important.”

“I would show him quidditch matches, like I said, an important matter.” Their laughter quicked down after a few minutes.

“She loves you so much. We both do.” Remus said softly, dropping his gaze from Harry after Harry caught it.

Years thinking he was alone and the only family he had hated him had taken a toll on Harry. There was so much abuse he had put up with and even when the world around him was crumbling down with everything that was going on. He felt happy that there were people who loved him. People he can consider his family. Harry thought it was only Sirius but he just gained an uncle and an aunt. His little family was growing.

“Why keep it a secret, then?” Harry asked. “It will help to get rid of Tonks” The young boy nodded.

“She’s wanted.” Sirius answered him, making Harry frown. Remus leans over the table. “Yankee is a powerful witch and dont think I'm just saying this because she's my wife but she might even be in Dumbledore’s level of magic. She had gone up with him once and almost won.”

“Who wants her so bad that it must be kept in secret?"

“The Dark Lord himself, at first it was the Death Eaters because she was in their house.”

“She was Slytherin?” Harry asked in a shout as he rose up from his chair. Sirius and Remus glance over at each other knowing all too well of this reaction when people found out what house you were in while you were at school.

“She wasn't like them. Different from everyone. She was the only American in Hogwarts in our time.” Sirius said.

“I don't believe it.” Harry said. Remus stood up and grabbed his empty tea cup.

“She was different from them. That we must say. We say that because she had so many reasons to turn bad. School and her home life back in the States weren’t a happy place for her. If she had gone bad, I wouldn't be angry at her.” Harry let Remus’ words sink in.

“You said she went up with Dumbledore once, they fought didn't they? She almost won.” Both men smiled at Harry.

“That fight was…” Sirius trails off then looks at Remus. “How old are you again?” Remus asked.

“Fifteen.” Harry answered. Remus nods at him. “You were a year old when your parents died. That was 14 years ago.” Harry rose a brow and pointed at himself.

“Fight was about me?” Remus nods.

“Dumbledore wanted to give you to the Dursley since they were your real family. I couldn't do it, I was broken and was sent to Azkaban. Remus and Yankee fought hard for you.” Sirius said looking over at Remus who held his gaze at the ground with the cup in his hands.

“They wanted to adopt you. Dumbledore refused and Yankee lost it saying that they were your real family.”

“She whipped her wand out and pointed it at him. Minerva almost fainted. Had to hold her as they dueled.” Remus said reminiscing the way he held the woman as he watched his wife duel with the most powerful wizard.

“Dumbledore, of course, won. He had more experience with magic and dueling. He was sweating though at the end and had mentioned to her that he hasn't done that for years.” Remus told them as he placed the teacup in the sink and walked back to the kitchen table.

“Wow.” Harry said once more as he smiled at them.

"What's wow?” Tonks asked as she walked into the room with Molly and a few other members behind them.

“Nothing, love. Lets have some tea, everyone.” Sirius said as the members walked inside while Remus put the kettle on with more water.

Harry found himself in Sirius' old room the next day. Sirius allowed him too, telling him to take any clothes he sees fit. Sirius had told Harry after the war they will be able to be a family again. Sirius was going to renovate the house, make it new and make it a real house to be filled with a loving family. Harry found some jumpers to his liking and folded them on the bed as he continued with his search. He looks over at the bookcases and glances over the covers. As he watches the books, he sees a paper sticking out between the hardcover books. The edge of the paper was out and carefully Harry started to pull it with his thumb and index finger, it was a black and white photo. He looks at the back to see black cursive writing on it.

Yankee and Moony’s Honeymoon - NYC 1978

Flipping it over, he saw Remus holding a girl in his arms. Remus looked so young and had less scars on his face. His hair was shaggy and he had a mustache.

Harry had to admit, you look beautiful in Remus’ arms. You were smiling and as the picture moved, you looked up at Remus who then gave you a kiss. Both of you looked ahead and the picture repeated itself. Hearing footsteps coming up the stairs, Harry quickly hides the picture in between the folded jumpers. He was sure Sirius wouldn't mind, if he took a picture of his uncle and aunt. Harry only had his parents’ picture. He would like to add this next to them.

After his charges were dropped for using magic out of school, Harry found himself thinking about Moony and Yaknee as he made his way back to Hogwarts for another year. He wanted to know so he found himself in the library, looking at old yearbooks and even wandering in the hallway of famous wizards and students. He was about to walk away when he noticed a case at the far end. Looking up he noticed it was a case of The Triwizard Tournament, 1976.

Harry thought they shut it down in 1971 due to the death toll being high. Perhaps, this was kept secret. He looked at the items on the glass case and stopped when he saw a familiar faze. It was you, looking at the bottom he read your name out loud. His eyes widened as he saw the picture moving. You were selected to compete in the Triwizard Tournament. He can see the green Slytherin uniform you wore and on the bottom, he reads the rest of the names of the competitors.

Looking at the rest of the photos framed in the case, he froze when he saw the trophy and right next to it there's a picture of you holding the trophy. You look like you've been through hell and Harry could see your clothes were dirty and ripped. Your face was dirty and he could see the dried blood on your forehead. He started to laugh when he saw you doing a rock and roll hand gesture while sticking your tongue out at the camera. It seems you had a happier ending then him. He feels himself down at the thought of Cedric's death.

Flying to London on Thestrals was the last thing Harry thought would happen but it worked. He and his friends, Dumbledore's army, made their way to the Ministry of Magic in an attempt to rescue Sirius Black since he had a vision of it. He had to save his Godfather.

Walking inside Harry recovers the object that Voldemort is after, a bottled prophecy with his name on it. Death Eaters and Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix, ambush them. Harry felt like crying when Lucius revealed that Harry's vision of Sirius being tortured was a ruse to lure him there, this was a trap and now all of them were being held captive.

“Give it to me.” Lucius snapped at Harry. He tried his best to ignore the taunting Bellatrix gave to Neville as she held her wand to his head.

‘DON’T!” Neville yelled as she grabbed a fist full of his hair pulling his head back exposing his neck.

Harry can hear Luna let out a sob as a Death Eater grabbed her by the neck. Harry didn't want to get his friends hurt because of him. So many people have gotten hurt because of him. Giving Lucius the prophecy, they heard a whoosh sound. Harry's eyes widen when he looks over Lucius’ shoulder.

“Get away from my godson.” Sirius said to Lucius before punching him straight in the face. Harry took a step back as one by one the members of the Order came to rescue them. They fought with the Death Eaters. Remus ran with Ginny and Ron, he lets out a shout as he disarmed the Death Eater in front of him.

“Good one, James!” Remus froze as Sirius yelled as he fought with Lucius. Time seemed to slow down as Lucius was shot back and Remus saw Bellatrix appearing out of nowhere casting an Avada Kedavra at Sirius. Remus can see the spell coming out of her wand as a light casted behind Harry. His mouth dropped when he saw you behind Harry with your own wand in hand.

Sirius was pushed by the spell you caused, Bellatrix’s spell passed him hitting the wall behind them. Harry felt a hand on his shoulder and was pushed back. He looked up to see you in the flesh. You let out a shout and pointed at Bellatrix hitting her square in the chest with a Stupefy.

“LET’S GO!” He hears you scream out loud as Sirius grabs him by the arm. Remus joins them with Ginny and Ron as the rest bring the children to the center while you hit the other Death Eaters covering for them.

Harry felt Remus grab his shoulder as the rest huddled together. You raised your hands up with your wand and shouted, “Traicere!”

Harry felt like he was flying for a second before he was dropped down on the ground like a sack of potatoes. He found himself flat on his face on the concert ground. Looking up, some members of The Order were standing while others were laying on the ground like his friends were.

“Blimey!” Ron shouted as he got on his knees and wiped his face. Everyone turned when they heard Sirius let out a laugh. Harry looks over to see you hugging Sirius as Remus walks behind you.

“Y/n!” Remus said as you let go of Sirius and hugged Remus. “The fuck?!” Harry hears Tonks' curse behind him as they watch you kiss Remus on the lips. Remus held your face in his hands as he kissed you deeply.

“They haven't changed.” Sirius said, walking to Harry and helping him up. Remus held you in his arms, laying his forehead against you.

“I thought you were gone.” Harry said, looking over at Sirius.

“I'm not. Thanks to Yankee.” Sirius said, wrapping an arm around his godson's shoulder.

“Yankee! I want you to meet someone.” Sirius shouted, making Remus pull away as he glared at Sirius for disrupting. Harry watched you cover your face and leaned against Remus’ chest. After a few seconds later and quick kisses. Remus smiled and grabbed a hold of your hand, walking with you towards Harry and Sirius.

“There is someone you should meet.” Remus said as he walked you to Harry.

Harry held his breath as he got introduced to his aunt. “Love, meet Harry Potter.”

Harry saw you smile when you looked at him. It reminded him of the smile you had when taking the picture of your honeymoon. Ron and Hermione watched happily as Harry hugged the you back. He had told them about his cool aunt who used to be in House Slytherin.

Remus quickly wiped the tears rolling his face when he saw you lean down to look at Harry. You cried as you ran your finger through his dark hair before hugging him again. Remus walked to you as you reached your hand out for him. Harry felt Remus hand on his shoulder as he hugged you and him.

Harry saw Sirius walking to them as well.

“We are a family again.” Harry hears you say and it brings a smile on his face as they give him a group hug.

The members of the Order of the Phoenix sat in the kitchen of the Grimmauld Place. That’s where you had taken them. Harry and Sirius sat across from you and Remus as you spoke to them while waiting for Dumbledore.

‘He called me saying Harry was having dreams. We both went to the Ministry of Magic, I help you lot escaped while he dealing with Voldemort.”

“How is it over there in the States?” Arthur asked you, he was sitting at the far end of the table.

“It was bad for a while. Voldemort numbers decreased here but in the States it rose and muggles were being killed left and right. Lost some good friends because of it.” Remus placed a comforting hand on your shoulder and you kissed it as you raised your hand to hold his.

“The last thing we found out were some Death Eaters, we captured in California. They said that their Dark Lord had spoken about mind controlling. He is going to use it on the muggles to think he is some sort of God, to worship and to do his bidding.”

“Jesus Christ, not to mention the dark creatures as well but now hearing about these dreams. I fear he wants something or..” Harry watched as you sighed while looking defeated.

‘Someone.” You finished looking at Harry.

“There was a reason why Barty put your name in the Goblet. They did it to me but unlike you to be killed. For me it was to show them my power. Powers I didn't know I had to begin with.”

“I saw it. You won it.” Harry said with a proud smile.

“Not many people were happy with a muggleborn being the champion.” You said and Harry knew why you had stuck your tongue at the camera when your photo was taken.

“Christ, I would do anything to look at their faces again.” Remus smiled at you. Harry liked the accent you had as you spoke. It was different and the way you pronounce the words was all new to him. He wondered back to Remus' words about having a hard time in school. He wondered if you were being bullied for being different like him.

“Who’s Christ? And what's Jesus?” Harry turns to look at Luna who was sitting with Neville. She looked at you curiously. Remus and you snorted a chuckle before looking over at Sirius who was lost for words.

Harry bites a smile as Sirius quickly answers who this man is and his name. “Muggle God, dear.”

“I remember the look on your father’s face when I taught him about muggle’s religions.”

Harry listened as you spoke when Dumbledore. Voldemort has escaped but the Ministry now knows the truth, Voldemort is back. Harry and his friends were going to go back to Hogwarts when Harry decided to say goodbye to Remus and you. He followed the direction that Kreacher gave him after saying how ridiculous is was to serve a werewolf and a mudblood. Harry just ignored it.

“You're staying, correct?’ He hears Remus ask you as he walks down the hallways to the bedroom were Kreacher said Remus was staying at.

“Yes, I am. I'm not leaving any time soon. I did my duty in America. I want to come back to be with you. With Sirius and Harry. “

“I can't lose you again, Y/n.” Harry hears Remus’ voice crack.

“Oh, baby.” Harry hears you answers and stands by the door. He looks at the opening and sees you hugging Remus, arms around his torso as Remus wraps his arms around your shoulders.

Harry looks away when Remus leans down for a kiss. He’s about to walk away when he hears a soft moan. His cheeks get flustered and he’s about to leave when he hears Sirius calling out for him. His eyes widened when he saw Sirius walking down the hallway.

“Harry!” He looks over at the sound of your voice.

“What’s up? Come to say bye?” Harry nods as Remus comes behind you.

“I was hoping we all get dinner before you leave for school. I’m sure you have questions and I’m willing to answer them for you.” Harry was glad you didn’t treated him like a child.

“I would love that.” Harry smiles as you wrap your arm around his shoulders. “Will you tell me about your time in Hogwarts?” You raised a brow at Harry before looking over at Remus. “It’s not all sunshine and roses, Harry. You sure you wanna know?” Harry nods at you.

“Alright! Fuck it! Let’s go somewhere where they serve beer.” You patted Harry on his back.

“Padfoot! Babe! We are out.” You shout over your shoulder as you walk side by side with Harry.

Both men stood behind, watching as Harry and you walked down the hall. Remus had a smile on his face with his hands in the pockets of sweater as Sirius had his arms crossed over his chest.

“This is going to be an interesting dinner, Moony.” Remus nods at him.

“Yeah but he should know about our Yankee.” Sirius agrees with him on that.

Chapter 2 ->

[blitzyn]

unintended effect

dottore x m!reader

request : none

Synopsis: Meeting a new stranger at your shrine didn't go as well as you had expected it to.

cw -> non-con, blood and spit as lube, anal sex, public sex, sadist dottore, kitsune reader, crying, tail pulling, face slapping, non-con drug use, choking, yall get caught but dottore doesnt care lol, brief ear pulling, not proofread

wc -> 3.6k

a/n -> i need him so bad omg. anyways super sorry if its shit. spoilers for the end of the aranara quest!

"It's not often I get new visitors."

Dottore instinctively peered up to face the voice, spotting a figure cloaked within the shadows the night offered. He could faintly see the way they curled atop the statue he stood in front of.

"I'm not visiting." He spoke with unhidden confidence.

"So what brings you here, then?" They questioned. Truth be told, finding the shrine was an accident. Although he read about them, he was far too busy with Scaramouche's ascension to "godhood". But he'd amuse you for a while longer.

“I’m simply taking a stroll,” he answered, placing his hands behind his back.

“It is quite the night for a walk, isn’t it?” He could faintly see something swish within the air. "Our village is well known for its night."

That was strange. He would have thought it would be a tourist hotspot for the sunset or sunrise - not the night. There wasn't anything noteworthy that he could see.

"Not here, of course." He could hear the amusement in your voice when you saw him slightly tilt his head in confusion. "I haven’t done anything praiseworthy yet.”

He quietly watched as you jumped down the statue, finally able to see your features. He was a bit surprised to see that you were not a human and had fox attributes. Your five tails swayed behind you, so he was able to surmise that you were around five-hundred years old. He heard about kitsunes before, though the only one currently well-known was the Head Shrine Maiden: Yae Miko in Inazuma.

He must admit, your species mildly fascinated him for a time, although the interest very quickly died out throughout his time in the Akademiya. Now that one was standing before him, that interest may have been rekindled.

"I am the guardian of the village," you spoke, ever graceful in your movements. Though, he did wonder what exactly what you were guarding against. As far as he knew, his agents informed him of the famed Traveler who adventured with the Aranara and defeated something called the “Marana Avatar '' which was the source of all Withering Zones. The only formidable enemies he saw on his journey here were the Fungi that mindlessly hopped around.

“It’s not the most interesting thing in the world, I admit,” you turned around to collect the offerings gathered within the foot of the shrine. “Not much to protect.”

You quietly laughed to yourself. “My mother would have my head if she ever heard me say that.”

“How so?” he questioned, watching as you organized a few things.

“She passed away during the Cataclysm. This village was her pride and found joy in defending it. I was but a kit at the time, so she was mostly on her own while she fought.” You sighed, though you didn’t appear the least bit upset.

It wasn’t a very thrilling tale, but he was able to surmise that you thought so, too.

“Do you enjoy guarding the village against rogue mushrooms?” The way he spoke almost made it seem as if he were genuinely asking, but the small, condescending smile that adorned his face told you that he was teasing your profession.

You laughed. “Oh, Gods’ no. I would very much rather be somewhere else right now.”

“Then why haven’t you left? I don’t see any benefits in staying,” he said. “I’m confident your villagers will be able to defend themselves if the Fungi wander around.”

“The only thing keeping me anchored here are the children that offer me some of their candy every so often,” you explained, motioning to the small basket in your hands. “They look up to me.”

“They want to become avid Fungi hunters when they’re older?” He was beginning to enjoy speaking with you, even if there wasn’t much to talk about. Maybe it’s natural Kitsune charm? 

You barked out yet another laugh. “I don’t see why, either. But, hey, free candy.”

Dottore uncovered an opportunity in your words. Various reports submitted to him reveal that children were far more likely to see the Aranara if they stumbled upon a dangerous situation. To ordinary humans, the Fungi posed a threat even to adults (as pathetic as that was), so if he managed to persuade you into leaving, one of the children could maybe encounter one of the fairies. But he was not opposed to taking you away by force, either. He would not let this chance slip by him - not after the majority of his agents stationed in Sumeru failed their mission.

“But other than that, what’s really stopping you?” Pride? A sense of responsibility? “It seems you’re not needed here.”

“Harsh.” You knew he was just saying it as it was. “Realistically? Mora. Ideally? The children.”

He hummed. “I am capable of providing you with sufficient housing and a generous amount of money.”

Your ears visibly perked up at his proposal. “But I do ask that you work for me in return.”

You looked off to the side, seemingly in thought before you looked back at him. “I’m no mercenary.”

“Maybe not, but don’t you crave a change of pace? To finally bask in what the rest of the world has to offer?” You were seriously tempted to accept his suggestion, but the chains of doubt wrapped around your wrists and pulled you back down to reality. You didn’t know if he was lying or not. While you were able to defend yourself just fine if anything were to go wrong, you preferred the safer option of just not letting it happen.

You shook your head in response. “That would be amazing, but I’ll have to decline your offer.”

He was confused. You complain, but you decide to stay? Where was the logic behind your words? Were you tied down by your mother’s legacy, perhaps? Maybe there was something else besides the weak reasons you so confidently spoke of.

A chill ran down your spine as he studied you. You were unable to see the majority of his face with his mask covering the top half of it, but it doesn’t take a genius to tell that he was unhappy with your answer.

While he wasn’t satisfied, he wasn’t left at a loss, either.

“Very well, then,” he said after a time. You smiled at his understanding, before turning on your heels to begin your trek towards the village. He watched your back for a moment before he felt his fingers slightly twitch. He managed to come up with a plan as soon as you declined; inject you with a type of drug that would make you pass out and tie you up in one of his laboratories. Simple, but effective.

He walked in your direction as his hand reached into one of his pockets to grab a syringe already full of the drug. He discreetly uncapped it before lunging towards you to tug your head forward and force the needle into the back of your neck. It was done before you could be given time to really process what just happened, but the sharp sting kept you grounded. You looked back in surprise and pressed onto the injection site in reflex while backing away from the man.

“What did you do?” Your voice was weak in shock, a pit of fear beginning to form within your chest. You heard the rustling of his clothes steadily grow louder, but you simply chalked it up as him on his way back to wherever he came from. He amusedly observed your ears flattening alongside the back of your head and how two of your tails wrapped around your legs while the others curled in a way that reminded him of a fearfully submissive dog.

“I gave you a dose of a simple knock-out drug,” he explained, leisurely striding closer to you. “It was originally for one of those forest fairies, if I ever got the chance to find one. They’re quite difficult to come across so I do hope using it on you is worth my time.”

He hummed and looked away in thought. He had heard they were relatively easy to befriend as long as you helped them out a little, so he hoped one didn’t show up right at this moment. Once he transported you to a well-hidden spot, he could create another drug and use it on a fairy. But he was slightly taken aback when he realized that you were still standing. It should’ve affected you by now.

It clearly had some type of effect on you, judging by the flushed look on your face. You were panting and your legs were trembling, it was a fight in and of itself just trying to keep yourself from falling over. There was a raging inferno within your body, and you felt like you were overheating. An arousing sensation arose in your abdomen. You quickly realized that this was no knock-out drug. At least not to you.

Dottore curiously moved so that he was face-to-face with you. He looked at the syringe in his hand to reconfirm the content that was once in it. He knew there was nothing wrong with it (after all, what use would having an aphrodisiac be?), so it was interesting to see the difference compared to his expected result and the current outcome. Your hands futilely tried to tug down your shirt now that he could see everything clearly since he was so close up, but you accidentally pressed them onto your aching cock, forcing a moan from your lips.

“Hm. This wasn’t what I expected.” He placed a hand on his chin as he began to circle you, inspecting your body. You were the one with the features of a predator, although you certainly felt like prey under his watchful gaze. You continued to display fear, as shown by your ears and tucked tails even though you so desperately tried to hide the lust that effortlessly overpowered your senses. He enjoyed seeing you this way.

He suddenly kicked your knees out from under you, forcing you to kneel as a pained expression briefly overcame your face. You had to hold back a groan when his hand found its way into your hair, fingers tightly curling around the strands to tug you around. He made you look up at him as he dug the sole of his foot onto your sensitive dick. You choked on a moan and ground your nails into his leg, weakly trying to pull him off of you.

“Aren’t you a pathetic little thing?” He pushed his foot harder, relishing in the noises you tried hard to keep from releasing. Shame squeezed your chest, making it difficult to breathe. But your mind was caught in a messy haze of arousal, confusion, anger, and fear. Each of their components only coerced you further into a stupified state, and you soon took the appearance of a babbling slut. You were fleetingly aware of the mortification when you began rutting your hips into the hard surface of his boot – just like the mutt in heat you were – but you’d be lying greatly if you said it didn’t feel relieving.

Your desperation only served to arouse Dottore as he felt his cock harden in his pants. He smiled, memorizing how quickly you were reduced into nothing but teary-eyed and stupid. Lightly palming himself, he thought of all the time he had left to spare. He might as well use some of it now.

You stifled a sob when he removed his foot, grunting when he kicked you onto your back. You were a bit disoriented due to the sudden change in positions, but as the fresh air of the night caressed the burning skin of your legs, an alarm rang through your head. It took you a moment to realize what he was about to do. Out of reflex, you attempted to sit up to try and stop him before he harshly pushed you back down from your chest.

“Fighting it will only make it worse,” he said, lining his cockhead against your asshole after spitting on it. “Relax, will you?”

“Wha–No…No..!”

You raised one of your feet in a last ditch effort to kick him away, but he simply held onto the underside of your knee and hiked it up on his shoulder. You squirmed futilely as he did the same to the other one, keeping you in place with a mating press. Now that he was finally towering over you, he used most of his body weight to force his cock deep into your hole.

Nothing could’ve prepared you for the pure agony that came with it. With his hands occupied with pinning your arms down, he had the audacity to place his lips over yours to silence your scream. You struggled to free yourself from his grasp, though the tense of your body made you tighten around him. He let out a satisfied, shuddering sigh.

It felt like he tore you apart, a burning sensation that originated from your hole reverberated throughout your body, pulsing in rhythmic waves. You hiccuped pathetically as he pulled off of you, taking away some of the strain in your legs. He noticed that the slide out was smoother than he expected, peering down to where the two of you connected. His cock throbbed fervently when he noticed that it was coated in your blood.

You bit your lip hard when he leisurely thrusted back into you. Tears rolled off of the sides of your face as you turned away from him.

A sensation akin to electricity traveled up and down his spine. “Oh, don’t cry yet. We’ve only just begun.”

He finally began his pace, irritating whatever he tore, and using you however he liked. The pain was dizzying. He refused to allow you a moment of respite as he wallowed within your agonized whimpers and grunts, thrusting hard enough to fuck the air out of your lungs. Your lower half was on fire from the tearing, the muscle strain, and the sting when his pelvis slammed against your ass. You didn’t know if you were going to be able to walk after this.

You were terrified to feel the familiar feeling of lust pooling in your gut, mixing in with the burn in your asshole. Though the drug was still hard at work, amplifying your arousal far more than you would’ve liked. Your cock weeped precum, to which Dottore gathered on his fingertips after releasing one of your numb arms.

“Look at how much you want this.” His hand was shaky on account of his relentless thrusts, but despite that, you were given a clear view of your shame. “Perhaps you were made to be my whore instead, hm?”

He groaned. “Instead of staying here for something so… ngh – insignificant. You’ll be much better off as my cum-dumpster ready to serve me at a minute’s notice. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?”

You shook your head, sobbing slurred ‘no’s’ and pleading for something, anything, just not that. He almost couldn’t believe how intensely he’s getting off to such a sight, and he decided, at that moment, that you were going to be his new pet. His good little dog.

He suddenly leaned backwards a bit, avoiding the sloppy attack you made.

Though, he was going to have to train you first.

You were aiming for his neck, so it’s only fair he gets to return the favor, right?

Your eyes widened when you felt his hand wrap around your throat, holding you so tightly your head began to ring almost instantly. You felt like you were going to pass out. You could feel your eyes roll back under your eyelids as drool escaped the corners of your mouth. Everything began to sound muffled when you were suddenly forced back into reality.

Agony shot through your face as your head was abruptly tossed to the side. He had slapped you. Fresh tears cascaded down your cheeks, trying hard to process everything that you were feeling. Pain, pleasure, pain, pleasure… which was it?

You unknowingly shivered when Dottore pulled out of you, but you knew better than to assume he was finished with you. He flipped you onto your stomach, a small smirk present when you didn’t put up a fight. You were far too disoriented to do so. A wince crossed your face when the cold concrete floor touched your cock, although you made no move to adjust yourself.

He placed you on your hands and knees, manipulating your body so easily you could’ve been mistaken for a fuck doll. He pushed the tip of his dick inside your throbbing hole before separating your tails in half, taking three in one hand and two in the other. Your fur may have been thick, but it was nothing a (very) tight squeeze couldn’t handle. Once he found his grip, he yanked you backward as he thrusted forward, a loud slap echoing throughout the forest. The tip of his cock pressed against your prostate, and you couldn’t help but let out your loudest moan of the night.

His pace was as punishing as before, fucking you hard enough to make your ass burn. You tried your hardest to quiet your moans with a bite of your lip and a cover of your hand, but not even that was enough to silence your noises. The ache in your tails prompted you to fuck yourself back on his cock. He let out a small grin, though he decided against commenting on it when he noticed something moving in his peripheral.

It was only a moment later when your ears shot up and swiveled in the figure’s direction, eyes widening when you saw who it was. “G-Go… ah – go home..!”

“Oh, don’t make them leave now, they’ve only just arrived.” You barely registered the firm hand on your thigh. “Let’s give them a show.”

Your back was suddenly pressed up against his chest as the thigh he was holding was held up high enough for the person to see. The new angle allowed him to target your prostate with more accuracy, fanning the uncontrollable flame in your abdomen. You shook your head – to Dottore or the person, not even you were sure of. You weakly held onto his wrist when he reached around your body to jerk you off, digging your nails into his glove.

You tried your hardest to stop yourself from orgasming, you really did, but it persisted twice as intense until you were no longer able to hold it. Your eyes rolled back in ecstasy as cum spurt out of your cock, back arching against him. You could’ve sworn you blacked out for a second. You tightened even further around him as he finally stilled, feeling uncomfortably warm as he came inside you with a deep groan. He held your thigh so tightly you were sure you’d have bruises.

You looked back over to the spot the person was at, but was relieved to know that they no longer stood there. The leg keeping you up burned in exhaustion from holding nearly all of your weight. You trembled due to your overwhelming emotions; shame, arousal, fear, anger, confusion, exhaustion.

You stared ahead, unmoving as he pulled out of you. You rested on your folded legs, head throbbing painfully. You winced when he yanked you to him by your hair, keeping you on your knees as you faced his softening cock.

“Good pets know to clean up their messes,” he said, relaxing his grip on you, but refusing to move his hand elsewhere. You swallowed nervously before reluctantly holding onto the base to place him in your mouth. “Though, bite me, and I’ll do more than just simply tearing out your teeth.”

You nodded. He smiled to himself. Good, he was getting somewhere with you.

An urge to hide away formed in your mind, but you willed it away with the fact that he wasn’t going to let you go. Not unless some miracle saved you. You ran your tongue over his cock, licking away the remnants of his cum and your blood. The salty, metallic taste raised goosebumps all over your body, and you had to stop yourself from throwing up.

Though, just as you got to the head, he suddenly grabbed you by the ears and pulled. You choked and gagged, completely caught off guard. He kept you there, watching amusedly as you drooled and sputtered over his dick. It wasn’t until he could feel your grip on his legs weakening did he allow you to push yourself off of him, coughing hard.

He composed himself while you had your fit, crossing his arms expectantly when you finally caught your breath.

“Hurry and fix your clothes. We’ll head towards the area I’m temporarily staying at where you’ll wait until the ship to Snezhnaya arrives.” You wiped your teary eyes and put the bottom half of your clothes back on. Your legs trembled as you got up, only able to take a few weak steps forward before you fell to your knees.

He sighed and swiftly made his way over to you, grabbing you by the arm to carry you bridle style. Everything hurt now that the entire ordeal was over (at the moment), and you watched with saddened eyes as the statue gradually shrunk the farther away you went. You blinked hard. You didn’t want to fall asleep in his arms, but the feeling was far too strong for you to resist. With a heavy heart, you closed your eyes and let your slumber take you.

cross posted on ao3

[tinrange]

I find it really interesting that a majority of romance fans have latched onto seunghyo covering seokryu in the rain with an umbrella, and 'hearing' her talk, as a signifier of their bond and blossoming romance. The show uses classic romance tropes, the wet shoulder and returning to places of childlike innocence, to set a scene and a situation easily lent to romance.

But its not a true reflection of their dynamic, hes not a moony eyed listener to her starry eyed talking, and the romance is the umbrella being discarded.

Love next door goes to great lengths to hammer in the point that theyre both lonely, and that they both exlress to it in different ways. While Seunghyo has shut himself off, become standoffish and seperated himself from those around him, Seokryu has responded by hiding herself in plain sight. She takes the abuse and the gossip, she laughs her way through everything and creates big moments to distract from the little hurts that have chipped away at her and driven her to running away.

Seungryounderstands this, so when hes listening to her under rhe umbrella hes not letting her get it out or being the calm rock she needs, hes frustrated at her posturing and tired for her.

Their connection and history allows him to be childish and mean, but it also lets him peer past what she puts up. And Seokryu has a vast interiority to her, shes aware of the structures around her and that her plight wont be taken seriously. She knows what will get her asked the meast amount of quesyions and shes willing to be misunderstood and judged, to recreate the hostile environments whether it be at work or home, to keep the pain veiled and under control. She has thought twelve steps ahead, and she's preparedly hurt herself to soften the blows.

When theres no covering all she can do is cry. She isnt just running away, shes lying and hiding in those misunderstandings so she doesnt have to come to terms with her own feelings and the unfortunate reality of where shes landed. She needs rest and time to work through it, but dhe cant do it if she wont allow herself to admit her emotions to herself. The romance is seunghyo wanting the sadness, wanting the truth, and wanting it for her instead of himself.

[rizsu]

BOO! gotcha~ gojo satoru.

sum. he meticulously planned the night out, she was busy with her routine. ( basically gojo trying to be bold and manly but the bold and manly doesnt want to be him )

"BABE! COME QUICK — NOW!"

voice louder than ever, gojo's curled into a ball, on the couch, diverting his eyes everywhere but the tv screen. it was movie night — or so it was supposed to be. you left him alone in the creeping dark. left him all alone to tend to your nighttime routine.

you see, truth be told, he's absolutely terrified of horrors. the setting, the music, the jumpscares, the plot — everything. poor gojo wanted to be a romantic "i'm here for you," man for his girl but it seems like that plan is screwed! he does not have a plan b in mind. there was one sole plan and it didn't consider the possibility of him being scared shitless.

you both decided on having a horror marathon. as the month of halloween dawns closer, it's only fitting to watch horror-themed stuff, right? not quite. there's one person who's covering their eyes with the blanket every time it gets intense and it's no one other than gojo satoru.

the plan was picture-perfect:

a) get the scariest horror movie.

b) watch to see when you're scared.

c) put his arms around you, bring you into his body, and whisper, "it's okay, don't fear."

d) become your knight in shining armor.

clearly, this plan was not properly thought out. he's shivering in fear, waiting for his knight in shining armor to save him from the misery — and also from the thought of some demon waiting to jump at him from behind the tv.

the movie's soundtrack quiets, only the character's hesitating footsteps towards the locked room can be heard. as they walk closer, the door creaks open. nothing's in the room..? "that's... strange," they whispered, stepping into the room with their oil-based lamp. the camera pans to the left: nothing suspicious. it pans to the right: nothing out of the ordinary. it goes back to the center and—

"FUCK no," gojo turns the tv off. he knew what was about to come, and he wasn't going to sit through it.

suddenly, as if the saying of art mimics real life comes true, he hears the same hesitating footsteps. strange, the tv's off. absolutely not, he thinks, balling up the blanket ready to leave. fastening his steps to the front door, he grabs the keys off the counter. the keys have gone in the keyhole, and so did a hand on gojo's shoulder.

he freezes. body gone stiff. breathing halted. heartbeat intensifies. what the fuck.

"babe? where are you going?" you questioned, confused as to why gojo's ready to sneak out in pajamas and a blanket.

gojo doesn't respond. he's watched that movie for long enough to realize it doesn't have to be you who's talking.

however, it is you, and you're very confused. after finishing your routine, you came down to watch the movie with him only to be met with a mess of popcorn, tv off, and a missing gojo.

"babe? you alright?" you questioned again, this time grabbing him with both hands and turning him to face you.

"who are you?" it's his turn to question. you look like you, but are you really you? a question that only makes sense to the man himself.

"i'm y/n, duh."

"then prove it," he demands. if it's truly his beloved, he knows how she'd react.

hands on hip, your face twisted into a mix of confusion, deadpan, and slightly amused. "what are you on about, satoru?"

"oh my god you're an imposter," his conclusion makes him turn back to the door, frantically twisting the keys to unlock the barrier that keeps him from safety.

without looking back, he walked out the door, tripping on himself as he sought his safety. all you can do is shrug. he'll be back in two minutes maximum.

[gfmima]

ex bf!kuni mini hcs bc he wont leave me alone </3

ex bf!kuni who tells his friends he moved on but keeps all ur pics in his photo album n the items u left when u moved out in the same areas u would place them when u still lived with him

(he secretly wears the promise ring he gave u as a necklace under his shirt. he nearly trashed the whole apartment after he misplaced it by mistake… it was on his bedside table the entire time)

ex bf!kuni who continues to buy ur favorite laundry soap, so all of his clothes and bedsheets smell like u. he won’t admit it but the familiar scent comforts him on a bad day. he even hugs ur pillow at night when he has trouble sleeping

the first night post break-up was difficult for him. he was so used to having ur body rest beside him, it didnt feel right to sleep without u. he forced himself to get used to the sudden change bc he didnt know when u will come back to him and if u event wanted to :(

ex bf!kuni who returns home after a long, tiring day at work and forgets you arent there to greet him anymore. his face wears a deep frown once he noticed how eerily quiet it was without u around. it was strange to yell “i’m back” and not hear ur voice reply w a cheery “i missed u!”

one time, he woke up and called out (whined) ur name, only to be met w absolute silence. needless to say, he laid in bed uncomfortable w ur absence

ex bf!kuni who acts like he doesnt care about u but goes “!” when he overhears a friend mention ur name or talks about ur latest ventures. he leaves the room after they move onto the topic of ur love life

ajax was the first person to catch onto his strange behavior, however, chalked it up to him seeing things. that was… until it happened again and again and again and again

he begged kuni to call u and get closure. ur ex would rather die than humiliate himself by listening to his friend

ex bf!kuni who looks through the photos u took as a couple whenever he misses u :( he changed his lock-screen but his wallpaper is still u

the neighborhood’s aunty caught a glimpse of it and teased him for being such a lovesick sap. she told him he was lucky to find his person at a young age and scolded him to treat u right and never let u go

sigh, if only she knew…

ex bf!kuni who convinces everyone he moved on from u and was doing well despite the end of your long relationship. his attitude didnt change, giving off the impression that he was unaffected by the break up and led many to believe he didnt love u as much as they thought

it was (hilariously) far from the truth—if anyone were to pay close attention to him, theyd spy his weary eyes and mellow demeanor and understand he was lying to save face

ex bf!kuni who goes undercover and visits the restaurants, cafes, and places u frequent in general, hoping to see u or accidentally bump into u

he stopped after it dawned on him how creepy it was of him to do this. he also didnt want to take his chances and see u w someone new. honestly, he didnt know what to do when the day comes and he spots u happy & well w another man holding ur hand

ex bf!kuni who didnt know what to say when nahida asked him why she doesnt see u anymore, why u dont visit her :(

instead of telling her the truth, he told her u were busy bc of work and that shed see u once ur schedule allows it. he was sent some knowing glances by his relatives because of his response. he knew hed be questioned about the status of ur relationship sooner or later and he wasnt ready

[charlessainzz]

Ellooo

I saw your recs were opennnnn

So i uave a request for cluless non-fan reader who attends a race for whatever reason and doesnt know anyone

Driver falls in love with them at first meet/sight

Like idk he saw them being all cute or something from afar or they bump into eachother or reader has to follow a friend whose a huge fan so they kinda look like a lost puppy following their friend around and driver finds them intriguing

Idk u can come up with that bit

But yeah basically clueless reader and driver

Idk which driver

Maybe max or lewis or oscar or even danny

But u can choose anyone ig

I just wanted some fluff cause why not

Thank u sm✨

I love ur writing🫶

thank you for the request!!! appreciate the love, and hope this is what you were looking for :)

Lost and Found

Could it have been any more of a cliche?

Here you were at the Miami Grand Prix lost and wandering around. And where do you find yourself? In the McLaren garage. How? You had no idea. You always seemed to get yourself into the predicaments.

Truth be told, you weren’t very interested in Formula 1. But your friends had an extra ticket so why not get a little tipsy and watch some race cars?

You had been walking with your friends when you decided to make a quick pit stop at the bathrooms. They said they’d wait for you but spoiler alert they didn’t. So here you were looking around the paddock for 3 blondes in Miami, you’d probably never find them!

Thinking you see one of your friends you begin shouting out to her as she entires the building wrapped in papaya orange. As you walk further into the building you can hear the machines and shouting men. That’s when you see the car. It wouldn’t hurt to get closer look. It’d give you something to brag about!

“Can I help you?”, a soft voice said behind you.

You whip your whole body around, “Oh! I got a little lost and was just admiring the car…” you say as your eyes meet his big brown ones. Your face going instantly red, you divert your eyes hoping he won’t see how flustered you are.

“It’s a nice car right?”, he says with a laugh. “We added some updates that’ll hopefully take us to RedBulls level but we’ll see”, he rambles.

You nod aggressively and say, “Never seen anything like it, very shiny!”. As you begin reaching out touch the tail end.

“Wait! No!”, he shouts and pulls you into him. “Unless you want hundreds of dollars worth of fines, I would not do that,” he says with a worried look. That’s when you realize you’re both caught up in each others arms.

Clearing your throat, you take a step back. “You seem to be very knowledgeable about all this stuff…” you say as you look around the garage.

He looks at you and begins to laugh, “you could say I’m somewhat of an expert”.

“I had a feeling. So are you a mechanic or pit crew?” you ask with sincerity.

His eyes light up at your question. Just as he’s about to answer another person calls out to him, “Oscar! Time to get in the car!”.

He begins to zip up his race suit. “You should hang around for the race and see why I’m such an expert in this stuff”, he says as he brushes his hands through his hair.

You look around the garage and find the guy who saved you from a million fines face plastered all over the walls. Oscar Piastri. Oh shit, he’s one of the drivers.

“What happens if I continue to hang around even after the race?” you ask with a smirk.

“Well then I might just have to take out to celebrate my win”, he slyly replies.

You cock your head as you eye him up and down. “Hmm…. sounds like a plan” you reply. “Don’t take too long then, I might get lost again.”

He starts laughing as he tugs his helmet on. “I’ll be back in no time”, he says with a wink and closes his visor.

Maybe your friends ditching you wasn’t so bad after all. A date with a Formula 1 driver, definitely something to brag about.