#trying to be cool but damn Michelle

[evendumbo]

Okay but why did Ted’s past wife and future wife both make terrible ethical decisions in their respective love lives after and before, respectively, they were with Ted? I mean, Rebecca gets a bit of a pass re Sam bc she’s trying to figure out her shit after a traumatic relationship. But one dating her 21-year-old employee and the other dating her past individual and then couples therapist are just weirdly coincidental hot messes.

[michellemisfit]

✨Weekly Tag Wednesday ✨

Thanks for creating the game and for the tag @jrooc thanks for the tag @vintagelacerosette

Today we’re talking fandom. Come play!

Name and A03 handle: Michelle, michellemisfit

Current Location: Living room, surrounded by feathers, as I’m currently fletching some arrows

Favourite picrew: This one is pretty fucking spot on. Or at least it was at the time. Hair is very different now. But then, hair is always different… lol

Also this one is spiritually VERY me

What's one thing you want in a picrew? Ability to add coloured streaks! And a wide selection of scars, or alternatively the ability to move them around the screen. Either is fine. But mostly the hair thing. My hair is generally 4 different colours. Don’t try and limit me to one!!

Favourite thing you’ve created (or seen created) for the fandom? Erm… 3 way tie between Mexico Gallacrafts, Fimo Gallavich, and Cookie Gallavich? Maybe? Argh. Turns out, looking back at my art tag… I’ve created some pretty cool stuff. Huh. Yay me.

Why is it your favourite? I don’t really do photography, and I’m really proud of the idea behind and the execution of that photo. And while I LOVE drawing more than anything, I don’t think I’m exceptional or anything. But I’m damn creative when it comes to silly 3D craft projects, so both Fimo Gallavich and Cookie Gallavich make me happy and feel like something not just anyone could do… I dunno.

Did it come easily or was it hard to create? It was LONG to create. Both cookie and Fimo Gallavich took several days in total. And I think that’s the other thing I like about myself. I am willing to put in the work, and it usually pays off.

Last ao3 fic you commented on? Hah! You’ll be able to corroborate this, I’m not just sucking up!! LOL I’m currently reading Camp is a Battlefield by @blue-disco-lights, @jrooc, and @mybrainismelted, with artwork by @creepkinginc, so that’s the last one I commented on :)

Biggest WIP heartache you’ve ever experienced? I mean… every single WIP I have ever started reading, only to realise that maybe there won’t be any more of it… 😱 Every. Single. One. They’re all special, and they all hurt in their own special ways. And I will remain subscribed to all of them FOREVER, because you never know!!

Also? Comment on WIPs. Tell authors how much joy the story brought you, how much space it’s occupying in your brain, how much you would love to see it continue but how happy you are to have read as much of the story as there is because it’s changed your brain chemistry… do NOT comment saying ‘next chapter when?’, cause that makes you a dick bag.

Favourite trope or head cannon you like included in a fanfic? I’m a sucker for fake dating, only one bed, and a soulmate AU 🤷🏽‍♂️

Least favourite? …not a huge fan of kid fic, but hey, all it takes is a great author to make it work.

Secret or surprising kink or trope? Again, do not kink shame, because you’re only ever one good fanfic away from discovering something about yourself you did NOT see coming…

Describe how you feel after you’ve created something new? Exhausted and antsy. Is it good enough? Are people gonna like it? Should I even bother anyone with this? Why don’t I just go and hide under a rock forever?? I felt okay about this when I finished it, why is it suddenly the worst thing to have ever been created??? …I wish there was a sense of calm and accomplishment. There is not. Brains suck!

Top hype man you have that always helps you get across the finish line: @deedala - I so appreciate how we’re on a similar wave length when it comes to art as well as ‘everybody wants to hunt me for sport’ vibes. I know I can always count on you for kind but honest words, and that’s so important!!

It's been a bad day, you turn to the fandom and you _____? Read comfort fic. Probably Like Real People Do or None the Wiser.

Edit: Also? Go and read comments and tags on old art posts. That’s a sure fire way to cheer me up!

This was fun, and made the 15 minute wait between fletching each feather pass much faster. Thanks!!

If you are currently making your own arrows and need something to occupy your wait time with… how about completing a tag game? lol

@heymrspatel @loftec @creepkinginc @deedala @too-schoolforcool @darlingian @iandarling @iansw0rld @ian-galagher @mybrainismelted @palepinkgoat @crossmydna @mikhailoisbaby @sickness-health-all-that-shit @rereadanon @rutherinahobbit @energievie @junemermaid @francesrose3 @deathclassic @faejilly @rutherinahobbit @gallawitchxx @look-i-love-u @jessij1997 @callivich @celestialmickey @wehangout @doshiart @lynne-monstr @the-rat-wins @blue-disco-lights @suzy-queued @sleepyfacetoughguy @spookygingerr @burninface @gallapiech

[yoificfinder]

In celebration of women, here are some fics centered around the great women of YOI! Happy international women's day! ♀️✨️

(Don't) Give a Damn by @forochel [T, 9K]

Mari, through the years,

an open door by tripcyclone [G, 8K]

Lilia never wanted children of her own, but caring for Victor gives her a glimpse into the life she chose to pass by.

and your feet will follow by @prinzenhasserin [T, 13K]

Lilia’s relationship with her fellow ballerinas wasn’t usually complicated. Usually, she knew exactly where she stood. Not so with Minako Okukawa who had disappeared from the ballet world some years ago to hide in the dance studio of a backwater town in Japan.

Lilia didn’t care about that, of course. Not at all. She just deserved a vacation, to Japan, incidentally.

another girl in another time by cityboys [G, 11K]

Wouldn’t it be cool if there really is another version of you out there?

Beautiful in Knowing by @val-creative [T, 1K]

Sara knew she was a girl, even if nobody else did or believed her.

She ordered Michele to call her "Lady Sara" from now on. He would roll his eyes and grumble, but never attempt to misgender her. She liked "Sara" — it meant "lady, princess, noblewoman". And she would never go back to her deadname.

if friends were flowers, i'd pick you by windupbirdgirl [G, 4K]

During the first two years of high school, Yuuko finds she barely has time to breathe. The sky seems very far away, the sea even more so. She hasn’t gone to the rink in months.

if love is king, who wears the crown by @crollalanzaa [G, 1K]

“Second is seen as nothing,” Christophe had derided.

“But that moment you glide onto the ice, that hush of the audience, and that expectation, isn’t that worth something?”

“You speak as if you know. You used to skate?"

Past tense. It still stung, even if it was expected.

Minako knows exactly what it's like to be at the top of your game, and she remembers the descent just as clearly.

if she wants me by renaissance [G, 6K]

Hiroko and Minako, then and now.

if the sea has any draw for you by weird_bird [E, 8K]

The first time Mila saw her dance in person, her power funneled down into elegance, the granite of her face transmogrified to marble, she almost gave her the password to her bank account, she’s that good.

kagura by night by seventhstar / @pencilwalla [T, 1K]

The world around her is like the mountains.

A mortal lifespan is narrow; mortals watch the mountain’s unchanging faces, unravaged by the same measure of time that takes a human from dust to dust, and think them immortal in comparison. But stone erodes, just as flesh decays. It just takes longer.

If she watches long enough, everything changes. Languages drift until all the words she learned before are meaningless. Technology changes until she ceases to believe in magic because human ingenuity is more infinite than the stars. What is beautiful, what is polite, what is wrong, what is right—time, given its way, reshapes all.

But Minako’s body remains as it has always been. That’s why she loves to dance, she supposes; it’s the one thing time cannot take from her.

Katsudon by @azriona [G, 8K]

Hiroko doesn’t need to see to coat pork cutlets in egg and panko. She has made this dish for her family for over thirty years; she’ll make it another thirty, if she’s lucky.

Now she makes it for Yuuri and Victor as they fly home from Barcelona, with silver around their necks and gold around their fingers.

keep me steady as we go by orphan_account [G, 3K]

When Isabella stood and crossed the room to where he sat she saw her notebook open in his lap, turned to the last page of their to-do list, all but three items crossed off with less than a month to the wedding date. License. Ceremony. Everything after. She saw the angle of his gaze, too, not on the words but straight ahead, staring blank and glassy and brittle into some invisible place she still wasn’t sure she could follow him to, yet. And yet she had been the one who’d promised to try—and to keep promising, forever and forever.

Kooks by BoxWineConfessions [G, 3K]

Mari clasps her right hand across her left hand and rests them both atop her growing stomach. “I guess you’re just lucky that your father, I mean your other father, my brother-“ Mari giggles. “God, it all sounds so weird, doesn’t it? Do you care? Do you care that we’re all so fucked up and we don’t care at all?” Mari laughs again. It’s all she can do when she hurts this much, and wants a cigarette this much, but can’t stop smiling despite the fact that her body seems to hate her so much. “Well he means the world to me. That’s why I have you.”

Living in the Maybe by @adrianners [T, 6K]

It wasn’t hard to spot a 180cm platinum blond in Fukuoka International Airport. Especially when he was the only person wearing sunglasses. Indoors. At night.

Mari picks Viktor up at the airport when he returns from Moscow. Without Yuuri there to play his usual role of interpreter, they learn to communicate around their linguistic, cultural, and personal barriers.

my better self by @spookyfoot [G, 1K]

Mila's the first friend Yuuri's made in Russia. Technically, Yuuri became friends with Yurio in Hasetsu, but he'd never say that to Yurio's face.

On his first day training in Russia, Mila stole Yuuri from the rink and showed him pictures of Victor and Georgi wearing Spice Girls t-shirts Victor had picked up at a consignment shop during Skate America in 2006, and a video of them skating a synchronized routine to "Stacy's Mom."

"Don't let anyone here intimidate you. I guarantee none of them are scarier than Yura." They watched Victor skate circles around Yuri on the ice, Mila's camera primed for blackmail material—just in case.

_________

Yuuri and some of the women in his life, through the years.

Variations on a Theme by BoxWineConfessions [M, 20K]

Mari doesn't like it when the past and the present overlap so easily. Mari knows the mischievous grin and the burn of eyes that linger too long. They're the trademark of girls who are still figuring out what they want, but want relentlessly. Mari is tired of letting people in, only to have to say goodbye when their vacation is over.

Mila has experienced this before, this knowing little smile that implies that they know something about her body that she doesn’t. It comes across as cocky, and arrogant on men, and gentle with Mari. Mari looks like she's just told her some kind of wonderful secret.

Together, they reshape their expectations.

[hannahssimblr]

After a freezing, wet trek along the Clontarf seafront I turn into Michelle’s estate. All the houses have warm, yellow light spilling out the windows onto the grey, rain beaten pavement, inviting, yet it only reminds me of how grim this damn country is in the winter. It's been eight years since we moved here now and yet I still don't understand how people are supposed to cope with the winter. I suppose they don’t. I suppose we just accept that we will be a little bit sad for a while. 

They always leave the door off the latch for me on Tuesdays, they know I’m coming, and I let myself into the warmth of their home. It always smells good here, tonight like seafood and lemongrass, and whatever is cooking sizzles enticingly on the pan. I won’t ask for food, I never dare to, but if they offer I have yet to refuse them.

Rahim Tengu peers into the hallway as I shut the door. He is cooking in a suit. He’s always wearing one, even when doing things like mowing the lawn in the heat of summer. 

“Jude,” he says, “Wet outside, eh?”

“Yeah,” I take my shoes off and leave them by the door, “Whatever you’re making smells good, like always.”

“Nasi Lemak,” He says, “I’ll leave a plate for you when you're finished”

“Oh, thank you.”

He hesitates, “So how are your studies?”

“Yeah, good. Trying to get back into the swing of it since the new year. Fifth year is tough, you know?”

“Yes,” Another pause. Rahim is the most awkward of all the dads, he never knows what to say to me, but I let him think on it for another moment, brows knitted, spoon halfway to the pan, before I decide to put him out of his misery. 

“Jen upstairs?”

“Yes, yes, in her room.”

“Cool, see you in a while then.”

She’s sprawled out of the duvet with her earphones in, laying still like a corpse with her hands clasped on her stomach and white socks stacked on the pillows.

“Oh, you’re here,” she drawls. She doesn't even have to open her eyes to know it.

“You sound thrilled.”

“Ugh,” She flips to her stomach, pulls at her iPod cable and tosses the whole thing towards the head of the bed, “Come on, then, make me feel like a dumb bitch.”

“I bet you say that to all the boys,” I dig my maths notes out of my school bag and join her on the bed, “You been practising your trig?”

“That the one with the protractors?” 

“I’ll take that as a no.”

She lays still for a long moment, just staring into the middle distance before gathering the energy to learn. She falls onto her back and pulls the book I have opened toward her. “‘In the diagram, [AB] and [DC] are two parallel roads, where [AB] = 800m and [DC] = 500m. By measurement, it is determined that [<ABC] = 75° and that [BC] = 600m. Find [AC] to the nearest metre,’” She looks at me, eyes filled with hopeless despair, “How am I meant to know?”

“Well, do you remember what we went over before Christmas? The cosine rule?”

“Before Christmas? You might as well be talking a decade ago. I don’t remember anything that happened before last week. My brain is mush.”

I pull out my ruler, “Well, look, let’s start by drawing it out so we can visualise it, like this, then, we know that A² = B² + C² - 2BCcosA…”

“Do we know that? Are we sure?” 

“Jenny, yes. C’mon, we’ve done this.”

“I don’t think you understand how much I hate maths.”

“It’s not that bad, look, based on the cosine rule and the information we know already, we can write out the formula, right? x=(600)² + (800)² - 2(600)(800)cos 75°, so all you have to do is work that out.”

“Oh, is that all.”

“Yeah, so c’mere, hand me your calculator, it’s-” A shriek from the next room almost rattles my skeleton free from my flesh. 

“Why are you always like this?” It's Michelle. “I’m old enough! Just let me go!”

I glance awkwardly at Jen who is ignoring it, diligently punching the formula into her calculator and kicking her feet in the air. 

“When you demonstrate responsibility,” her mother screams back, “I will give you freedom, but until then…”

“Don’t look so shocked,” Jen says when she catches sight of my stricken expression, “You and Collette are like this.” 

“Not really. We don’t scream at each other.”

“This is just the volume they speak at here. It’s not as dramatic as it sounds. They're kind of just... having a conversation.” 

“Okay but you’re being such a bitch about it.” Michelle bites out, and I wince. 

“I don’t talk to my mom like that.”

Jen shrugs, “It’s not that serious, really, they don’t mean it. They'll be all lovey-dovey-happy-families again tomorrow. You get used to it.” she scribbles something onto her copy book and pushes it toward me “X equals 751533?”

I frown, “I don’t know, let me check.”

“Well you’re a nightmare of a daughter sometimes, do you hear me? I don’t want to be like this, I don’t want to be up here shouting at you, but you drive me to distraction with all of this carry on!”

“Um,” my fingers hesitate on the buttons of the calculator, “So… it was… (600)² which is…”

Something clatters to the floor and they start shouting even louder. The corners of Jen’s mouth curl up, “Let’s take a break, yeah? We can drown it out with some music.”

“Good idea.”

She scrambles to fetch her iPod again and hands me one earbud. We lie back on the pillows while she puts on some whiny emo track about a guy who is either dying or wishing he was dead. 

“Are you traumatised by Michelle and her mam because it reminds you of your parents?” She leans over me and sweeps my hair from my forehead. I laugh, “You trying to therapize me?” 

“You said they fought when you were small.”

“Yeah but I only heard it a handful of times, I wouldn’t say I am traumatised.” 

“Still, I think there’s something lodged in your psyche about it, it’s why you hate conflict.”

“Nobody likes conflict.”

“Yeah but most people don’t avoid it like you,” She pokes my arm because I've looked away, “Hey, would you say that you’d rather run away from your problems than face them?”

“Did you steal that question from your counsellor?”

She pretends to be shocked, “Um, no! Excuse me.”

“You’re excused. Hey, would you like it if my voice sounded like this guy’s?” I tilt the iPod screen to her and point to the album cover guy who has blood pouring down his face. 

“First of all, that’s not the guy singing, that’s a cartoon. Secondly, I don’t know what you even mean.”

I lean into her ear and put on the whiniest voice I can in imitation of him “Hhhhwhat’s the worst that I can say… hhhthings are better if I stay…”

She snorts and shoves me off her, “Go away, you freak.”

“hhhAND IF WE CARRY ON THIS HHHWWWHAYAH…”

Jen’s bedroom door opens and I jump. Michelle stands there frowning. I hadn’t even realised in the midst of my caterwauling and our hysterical giggles that the shouting had stopped.

Beginning // Prev // Next

[violettduchess]

Hello! Congrats again on the big 1k! May I request #14 kissing to try it out + Gilbert in your Wild West AU, with a side of enemies to lovers? Or if you just wanna photoshop Gilbert's head onto a scantily-clad cowboy, that's cool too. Totes up to you! Thank you and happy writing! Yeehaw 🌵🤠🖤

A/N: Here you go @atelier-the-atelier 💜 I love that you love AUs as much as I do and I hope I did our boy proud in his first role as a cowboy 😉

A contribution to @xxsycamore and @queengiuliettafirstlady's Different Universe Same Love CCC; an entry for my 1k First Kiss Celebration with the kiss prompt: "Let's try it out"

Warning: Spoiler for Gilbert's route ⚠️

Gilbert x female Reader

WC: 2.8 k

It’s a long way from town to get to the hot springs on the very edge of Rhodolite County, but every aching muscle in your body is telling you it’ll be worth it. You would ride as far as Benitoite if it meant you could have some peace and quiet and time to recover from today. 

Sheriff Michel had been pleased with you. Single-handedly stopping a stagecoach robbery by a band of Obsidian ruffians is no small feat. Add to that the fact that you’re a woman and half a head shorter than these varmints? Hot damn. When you had shown up with the three men tied together, several with missing teeth and black eyes and one with a bullet hole in his shoulder, the sheriff’s lips had lifted in a cool smile before he nodded for them to be taken away to the county jail.

“This is why you’re Chief Deputy,” he said, offering you a satisfied nod. “Now go and take the rest of the day to recover.” It was an order, loud and clear.

And the best place to recover from an ordeal like tussling with bandits is the hot springs. You can see them now up ahead. Nestled into the narrow gap of a rocky ravine are several small pools of dark water, each one right next to the other. Above you the sky is a bright and brilliant blue, the sun shining high enough that you know you have plenty of time until nightfall. 

You slide off your horse with a grunt, then turn to pat his neck affectionately. “Go on now, Luke. Find yourself some grub.” He snorts, shaking his mane of red hair, and then wanders towards the side of the ravine where taller, darker grass is growing freely. You never worry about him coming back. He’s one of the most loyal creatures you have ever known.

Soon your clothes are folded, resting on top of a smooth, flat stone, warmed by the sun. Your worn boots, with their scuff marks like battle scars, rest on the ground beside it. You consider moving your holster and gun to a patch of ground right behind you but decide to lay it across your boots so it won’t get wet. Your hat is the last thing you remove, tossing it with casual ease so that it lands on top of your clothing, perched there like it was on display. 

You pause a second, stretching your arms up towards the endless blue of the sky, enjoying the feel of the wind as it ribbons itself around your bare body. If someone asked you what freedom feels like, it would be this. Just you and the world and nothing in between. 

Carefully you step towards the edge of the dark blue water and then lower yourself in, inch by inch. The heat engulfs you and you sink down until only your head and shoulders are uncovered. 

Good lord, if this ain’t heaven.

The warmth kneads its way across your sore muscles, untying knots and soothing aches. Your eyes fall closed and you allow your head to tip back, your throat exposed and vulnerable but you don’t care. You don’t need to worry about protecting yourself 'cause there isn’t anyone here but you and the water and a whole lot of nothing for miles.

“Now this is a sight.”

Like a bullet through muslin his voice tears through your peaceful relaxation. 

Several thoughts, wild as runaway trains, collide in your mind at the same time: No! Why? Go away! Fuck!

Forcing yourself to remain calmer than you feel, you open your eyes.

In front of you stands The Trampling Beast himself, the outlaw Gilbert von Obsidian, leader of the Obsidian gang and a wanted man from here to the Acroite territories. The gold accents on his signature black leather boots and belt buckle gleam in the sunlight. His leather-gloved hands rest casually on narrow hips, but the deadly LeMat revolver at his side is just inches away. He tips his beautiful onyx Diamond cowboy hat in greeting, smiling at you with his perfect, white teeth. He reminds you of the drawings you’ve seen of tigers in those science periodicals the schoolhouse gets delivered. 

Beautiful and dangerous as hell.

“Goddamn it, what are you doin’ here, Gilbert?”

Your voice is steady and you’re deeply grateful for the water’s opaqueness. You’re also deeply aware of how vulnerable you are, naked and trapped in the water while he’s standing there in all his black and gold glory.

He watches you with his brilliant eye, red as sundown. A black leather eyepatch covers the mystery of his left eye. All kinds of rumors live around that eyepatch: the outcome of a deadly knife fight, a childhood accident, a science experiment gone wrong in his country of birth. Part of you wonders if it isn't just a ruse, a scare tactic to intimidate his enemies. Maybe there's nothing at all under that eyepatch but a second, perfectly healthy crimson eye.

His smile never falters as he shrugs, the motion far too performative for your liking.

“The same thing you are, I imagine. Looking for a place to recover from an arduous afternoon.” He catches your gaze and holds it. His eye gleams. The tiger has you in his sights. “You see, three of my men were accosted today. And then brought to jail.” He shakes his head. “Freeing them was……strenuous.”

Anger snakes its way around your spine. “God DAMN IT!” You slap the surface of the pool in frustration, water splashing up harmlessly. When you finally meet his gaze, his smile is still in place and absolutely infuriating. “Did anyone get hurt?”

He raises a hand to his heart, pretending to look wounded. “What kind of man do you take me for, Deputy?”

Your voice quakes with fury, glows with an anger hot as a blacksmith's forge. “A varmint. A dirty, no-good, black-hearted-”

“I see.”  Something crosses his face, a fleeting moment where his smile falters and it surprises you enough to quell some of your outrage. Have you made a dent in that armor of his?

“Let’s talk. I believe if I explain some of the situation, we may be able to come to an agreement. Save us both the burden of our rivalry.”

You raise your hand to your forehead, squinting at him. Even the sun seems to be in love, lovingly outlining his body in gleaming gold. But…..if he wants to negotiate, it needs to be on a level playing field and not one where you are vulnerable in the water and he’s fully dressed and armed.

“Fine.” You jerk your head towards the hot spring next to yours. “Get in and we’ll talk.” 

You’ve surprised him. He glances from you to the pool and the expression on his face sends a thrill of satisfaction through you. It’s not often Gilbert von Obsidian is thrown for a loop like this. It takes him a moment before he comes to a decision.

“As you wish.” 

He reaches up, removing his hat and places it carefully on the smooth, flat rock next to yours. His hair is dark, like the sky at early night and looks shockingly soft. Next he removes his black leather gloves, slowly, finger by finger. Have you ever seen him ungloved before? Somehow it feels almost indecent, the sight of his strong hands and bare fingers. Next comes his holster and gun which you note he places as far away from the spring as yours are. He’s playing fair. He bends down, moving his boots and socks and again, the sight of his bare feet shakes something loose inside of you, some part of you that you wish would stop reeling and be still again. Those naked fingers unbutton his black and gold shirt, revealing skin as pale as cream and when he removes it, your breath hitches. He’s long and lean, the lines of muscle cutting through him as if made by an artist’s brush stroke. You don’t realize you’re staring until he grins slowly.

“Like what you see?”

God damn it. This man is the enemy.

With an agitated exhale you turn in the water, facing away from him. What you don’t realize is that now he can look without restraint, his gaze running freely over the slope of your shoulders, the curve of your neck. Water beads and slides down your skin and some primitive part of him wants to catch them with his tongue, sink his teeth into the delectable place where neck and shoulder meet. 

With a start, he realizes where his thoughts are going and why he very quickly better reign them in. He strips off the rest of his clothing and lowers himself into the neighboring pool of warm water, sending the same prayer of gratitude for its dark opaqueness as you did earlier. 

“You may turn around, Deputy.” 

You turn around slowly, one hand still close enough to cover your eyes. But he is in the water up to his chest, resting his forearms on the rocky shelf between your two pools. 

Oh for fucks sake. 

He looks so…..

So…….

Your heart is racing and the heat that rushes through you has nothing to do with the springs. 

My God. He looks so…..

You build a dam to stop those thoughts from forming. A dam of anger, outrage, cold hard logic. This man is dangerous. He is your enemy.

“Well then spit it out, Gil. What did you wanna tell me?” Best to get this done as quickly as possible. 

He leans forward, resting his chin on his forearms in a move that is endearingly child-like. He’s left his eyepatch on but his one eye is focused on you intently.

“Did you ever stop and notice who my people have been…..relieving of their goods?”

You arch a brow. “Innocent victims.”

He frowns slightly and you can see he is disappointed in your flippant answer. Even more surprising is how much that bothers you. You clear your throat and try again.

“Your gang stole from a merchant family from Jade County, a visiting Tanzanite noble and the mayor of Rhodolite, all within the last three months.”

He nods slowly. “Yes. And what do they all have in common?”

You scoff. “They’re all rich.” 

He makes a gesture with his hand for you to continue. 

“They’re…..very rich.”

“Go on.”

While considering  you absently reach up to adjust the pins in your hair. His gaze darts to the curve of your arm, the water running in enviable rivulets down it, the way your shoulder hikes up and exposes the elegant line of your collarbone and a few tantalizing inches of skin below that. He licks his lips. The tiger lowers itself inthe tall grass, haunches tensed.

“So wealthy….,” you murmur, “that they can afford the loss.” Something clicks into place as you look him in the eye. Obsidian is a poor county, home to a lot of desert and rocky hills. Hot days and freezing nights. The people who live there have a reputation for being a hard folk. You hear someone from Obsidian is around, you tend to give them a wide berth. It’s a tough place to live, often populated by people who have nowhere else to go. It’s a wonder they manage at all, if it weren’t for……

He sees you have connected dots and realized that what he has been doing isn’t for him, but for the poor people of his county. The ones who took in an abandoned foreigner after his parents died and made him one of their own. 

“You’re using the stolen goods to help the people,” you say out loud, searching his face for the confirmation you know will come.

“Good girl.” 

Those words, almost a purr, nearly send you to the bottom of the springs but you manage to grip the rocky ledge between you and remain upright. You mirror his body language, resting your forearms on the same ledge. There are mere centimeters between his arms and yours. Your faces are closer than they have ever been but you need this, you need to look him in the eye and see if he is sincere. Has he really been playing Robin Hood this whole time? And if yes, does that make his actions any more excusable?

He sees the questions in your eyes, the way you are scrutinizing him. He’s told you the truth but he can see you need something more. A gesture of trust. It comes to him after a second. He reaches up and slowly removes his eyepatch, resting it on the ledge you’re both leaning on.

Your lips part but no sound comes out. What you see under the eyepatch isn’t scarred skin or a milky eye or even another crimson one. What you see under the eyepatch is an eye that echoes the sky in summer, the bluebonnets of the prairie, the bright feathers of the bluejay. 

You don’t even realize you’re holding your breath until it starts to ache and you’re forced to inhale.

“Why….why do you hide it?” You tilt your head, slowly adjusting to the sight of his mismatched eyes, both arresting, both magnetic.

“A lot of locals feel if you look like me….it’s a sign of being cursed. And minds steeped in superstition walk more easily down paths of violence.” 

You nod slowly. It wasn’t too big a stretch of the imagination to see someone who looks different being blamed for a drought. Or a wave of illness. You’ve heard stories of people run out of towns for it. Sometimes even worse. 

You hold his gaze, letting this new idea of Gilbert von Obsidian settle over you. It coats your previous conception of him as a ne'er-do-well criminal, remolds him into something….if not exactly noble, something certainly more…understandable.

You take a moment before speaking.

“Alright. I’ll make a deal with you. When you…..liberate….the very wealthy of their goods and it happens to be around the border between Rhodolite and Obsidian, I’ll turn a blind eye. But if you attack anyone, wealthy or not, clearly within the boundaries of Rhodolite County, you’ll be pursued.”

He considers this. There is a major stagecoach hub in Rosewater, the Rhodolite town right on the border to Obsidian. It also happens to be a busy train station where the wealthy often switch to stagecoach when traveling to the capital city. What you are offering him is, in fact, quite a gift. 

He smiles slowly, truthfully, devastatingly beautifully and you stifle the urge to gasp, stung by twin emotions of dismay and excitement. 

“I’ll take that deal,” he says. You clear your throat, lifting a hand. A handshake to seal the deal and then you would have the entire ride back to the sheriff’s office to figure out how to explain this all to Chevalier.

Gilbert looks at your hand, then looks you in the eye and his smile sharpens. “Oh there are better ways to finalize a deal.” His gaze drops to your lips. “Let’s seal it with a kiss.”

What the hell did he just say?

“I……that’s…..what…..”

He tilts his head and it is so roguishly charming you could scream. 

“Why not try it? Hmm? Or am I really so repulsive?”

Oh no, no you’re not and that is the problem, you think as you stare back into those eyes, those beautiful crimson and azure depths that seem to actually twinkle in the sunlight as they regard you.

But you can’t show weakness, right? It would reflect poorly on the sheriff’s department. At least that's what you're telling yourself. 

“Fine,” you mutter, ignoring the wild fluttering of your pulse. “Let’s just get it over with.”

Now he laughs and good God almighty it is nothing like the harsh, sharp-edged laughter you’ve heard from him before. This is soft, almost breathy, dreamy with anticipation as he leans forward, forearms pressed against the slick rocky ledge and presses his lips to yours.

Gilbert von Obsidian tastes like the coolest mountain spring, right before winter hits. Cool and clean, crisp and exhilarating. Never would you have imagined his lips would mold so perfectly to yours, that they would be so soft, so sweet. He's the first drop of cold wine, the first splinter of chocolate, the first spoonful of iced cream.

The water sloshes as he reaches for you, leaning further across the rocky shelf that separates your bodies. His hand slides over your bare shoulder, up the curve of your neck and lingers there as his mouth learns everything there is to know about yours: shape, taste, texture. 

And then, with his hand on your neck, your fingers gripping the rock for dear life, you part your lips in invitation. 

He accepts without hesitation and my God did that sound come from your throat? 

Your low, soft whimper sparks something in him and your whine is answered with a growl. The tiger is ready, springing from its hiding place, scaling the rocky shelf and plunging into the water beside you.

You welcome him with arms as wide as the western sky.

Tagging: @aquagirl1978 @alixennial @alexxavicry @rhodolitesrose @ikemen-writer @bellerose-arcana @thewitchofbooks @redheadkittys @dear-mrs-otome @firestar-otomeobsessed @curious-skybunny @tele86 @rhodoliteschaos @kpop-and-otome @writingwhimsey @mxrmaid-poet @silver-dahlia @wendolrea @otomefoxystar @nightfoxqueen @myonlyjknight @aria-chikage @queen-dahlia @aceuuuuu @scorchieart @joiedecombat @bubblexly

[lukabitch]

Could I get the trickster, Michael Myers, the ghostface and the legion reacting to the male reader who is also a killer who always wears a gas mask showing them his face for the first time

Omg I love this! Thank you so much for the request Anon! I hope you like it! :)

The Tickster :

He always thought the gas mask was a bit tacky so when you said you wanted to show him your face he was curious.

When you did show him your face he was more then ecstatic.

He thought almost everything about your face was perfect! Even all the little scars were perfectly placed!

After this expect to get more compliments from him, especially after you do well in a trial.

Expect to be call “pretty boy” or “my sweet little killer”.

He’s twice as affectionate then before good luck.

He’ll be begging you to take you mask off more often. “Come on show that handsome face of yours!”

He wants to do some light make up with you. Nothing to much he doesn’t want to push you too far yet. Just a lil something you know.

Though if you’d tried to show your face to anyone else he will get jealous.

Not because he’s that possessive over you but because he’s afraid you might steal the spotlight.

Michel Myers :

He doesn’t quite understand why you want to show him your face.

Though he’ll think it’s a sign of trust.

Once you’ve shown him your face he’ll give you a lil pat on the head.

Very rare thing for him to do he isn’t known for physical contact especially affectionate contact.

His behavior around you in front of the other killers doesn’t change very much. He’ll definitely be around you more then usual though.

He only really changes when you two are alone. He’ll be a lot more comfortable to the point he might take off his mask.

If he does take his mask off around you he probably wants some affectionate.

He has his own way to communicate with you considering he doesn’t talk. He’ll give your coat a tug if he wants you to fallow for example.

Though if he wants you to fallow that usually means he wants to see your face.

He’ll trace his finger over every scar and smile at you. If he’s wearing his mask he’ll trace a finger over the lips of it. Very cute.

Ghostface :

He wasn’t expecting you to come up to him and asked if you could talk in private.

And he certainly wasn’t expecting you to take off your gas mask.

“Damn you’re a handsome one aren’t you?” He wasn’t going to lie to you.

He took a picture with you to commemorate the moment.

He’s going to be more flirty with you expect to get the worst pickup lines thrown at you.

Congratulations you now have a very clingy stalker. Yeah he’s now trying to see you without your gas mask more often.

Of course this got annoying pretty quickly. You had to explain to him he can ask to see you without your mask.

He’ll make a fuss about how it isn’t fun like that. He will then pinch your face telling you he’s joking.

If you’re shorter then him he will steal your mask and hold it over your head. BUT if you’re taller he will run off with it into the woods.

When you two are alone he will just hold and cradle your head while rubbing circles into your cheek. How sweet of him.

Legion(Frank) :

He was more surprised you chose him to show your face to.

Not that he’s complaining he thinks you look rad as fuck.

The scars on your face even to the kind of mask you used made him geek out.

He’s your number one fanboy not like he wasn’t before but it was a lot more subtle.

He’s asking you a lot more questions wanting to know your story he wants to know everything about you.

You’re more then happy to answer and he’s writing it down.

Though when he’s done fanboying he’ll just hang around you a lot more often.

He’ll try and convince you to show off to the rest of the legion you would politely decline.

He wants to sketch your face out and show you exactly how cool he thinks you look.

Tried to convince you to get a tattoo of your gas mask on your neck so you could be matching with him. 

[ask-the-skirtz]

Oh damn, Regan, those are some good knots. Who taught you to tie that?

...also, good knots or not (heh) are you sure those will be able to hold you?

"...My uncle taught me that. He's my mom's older brother."

"We're...pretty close. He teaches me all sorts of things. Says i'm "his favourite" and...other things."

"He's a cool old man. I like him."

She finishes securing the makeshift rope around her window handle.

"And i've got like a 76% chance the rope will hold me."

"That's good enough for me. Can't use the front door or Michelle will give me hell for trying to sneak out."

[thatsparrow]

post-honor among thieves thoughts

a delight!!

truly, a fun fantasy film with all the right blends of serious stakes and goofy missteps that is so emblematic of playing dnd

one of the things I was most curious about going into it was—given that so much of dnd is a) collaborative storytelling and b) ultimately determined by dice rolls, how would those elements of unpredictability translate to a scripted story? (which I suppose is not new to dnd-based media, there have been novels and the 80s show, but those aren't things that I've consumed.) and like. yes the story was pretty predictable overall, but I did like that there were moments of abject failure scattered throughout that really captured the vibe of rolling a nat 1 (it was also very fun to half-watch it through a lens of, oh, this person would be rolling a deception check right now. this person is succeeding then failing on a bunch of acrobatics checks, etc.)

it is. so very fun to me that bards are categorically also spellcasters, and yet they did not let chris pine do one damn magical thing, that lute was a melee weapon only

michelle rodriguez barbarian my beloved (also like, in terms of balancing references to the game with still making the movie accessible, part of me was expecting/hoping to see some visual indication of her going into a rage, but I did like that they didn't tip the hand quite that much while still making clear during fight scenes that, oh, she definitely has some rage-fueled strength right now that is allowing her to yeet a dude across a courtyard)

seeing all the spells and wildshaping was incredibly fucking cool!! that may have been the bit I was most excited about, and it did not disappoint—doric's whole infiltration and then escape of the castle was so good. the displacer beasts. the mimics!

sir that's just a portal gun

the comp het was so funny. look, I really loved both justice smith and sophia lillis but cmon guys. there was nothing there

although speaking of, edgin and holga as determinedly platonic best friends raising a child together was an absolute delight—the bit when edgin says to kira like 'I'm not trying to bring back your mom but my wife' bc yeah!! kira's mom is already right there!!

halfling bradley cooper having a clear type of 'women twice my size who could break me in half' is so valid

god paladin regé-jean page be still my heart (although yeah, the paladin as a straight-laced LG humorless type is not the only way to interpret the class, but I thought it did make for a nice contrast w the rest of the party)

but also his armor! I thought the costumers did a great job of giving them all designs/looks that spoke to their classes. truly, the visuals of the whole movie were so cool—not just in terms of the aesthetics, but the framing and movement of the shots, too. very dynamic, very fun to watch

overall, a genuinely good time!!

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

lol the irony… you guys are the ones who take the relationship too much to heart. You are the ones who go onto the freaking tarot blogs asking if Evan is in love with Natalie or if he’s serious with her and asking for details about the “soulmate” so you can try to match it up with yourselves. You watch Natalie like a hawk. You guys are the ones who make up narratives and theories about the type of person Natalie is and her intentions. You guys are the ones who make posts on the subreddit like “Do you think Evan’s gf reads what is said about her?” “Why doesn’t Michelle follow Natalie?” “It’s seems like disapproval of Natalie isn’t welcome here.” Please gain some perspective and self awareness. Over here we just want Evan to be happy whether that’s with Natalie or not. You guys are the ones who are vindictive, jealous, malicious, and are actively rooting for them to breakup and rooting for Evan to be unhappy. Get help.

⬆️THIS ⬆️ Thank you !!!!! Anybody praying for the downfall of Evan’s relationship with Natalie, when there isn’t even any information available to condemn her, are NOT fans of Evan, do not have his best interest at heart, do not want him to be happy and are only interested in their own needs and wants. Period! Y’all are selfish and nasty as fuck! Evan doesn’t want your ass! Evan will never want your ass! You’re only thinking of yourselves and satisfying some fucked up fetish you have with him. What Admin and a lot of the sane, respectful people on this blog have maintained is a positive openness to Natalie, because we have no reason not to!! Until that woman actually does something for us to look at her crazy, be nice, be respectful and be happy for them! Even if they amicably split, I am not going to fall apart over it. It will have ran its course and there’s nothing wrong with that. All you pathetic, ignorant outsiders quit coming here and being so damn negative. If you just don’t want to hear about Natalie, go somewhere else!! No one told you that you had to park your bitter ass here! I personally happen to like Natalie, she’s a cool smart girl, even without Evan. Leave Natalie alone!

preach, anon. 🙏🏼 take your miserable asses somewhere else. i’ve made my stance clear a million times - you have zero reason to be on my blog if you feel this way.

and don’t come into my ask box on an alt acting stunned if you’re suddenly blocked and banned from my blog. i’ve been cleaning house. turn your self right around, and go back to one of the numerous blogs that welcome your negativity and unjustified gripes, because that’s where you belong. this is just not a place you’re welcome to be rude and unfairly hate on women. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[doggiewoggiez]

what is the reading list you’ve been doing

This meme. Got reposted from 4chan to Reddit to Twitter and finally to Tumblr. I'll update this post as I read each book. Here's the complete list:

1. Goosebumps #28: The Cuckoo Clock of Doom - R.L. Stine. Very middle of the road Goosebumps book not especially good but not terrible. 6/10 dead sisters.

2. Call of the Crocodile - F. Gardner. This book is a meme on /lit/ cause the dude's batshit and is constantly trying to promote his books that are extremely poorly written. He calls himself a famous author, doesn't believe gorillas or giraffes are real, and advocates chainsmoking cigarettes to help with the writing process. This book is the funniest thing I've ever read and made me so fucking angry by being so awful. 10/10 misplaced commas.

3. No Longer Human - Osamu Dazai. A semi-autobiographical story published before the author's suicide about a severely mentally ill character named Oba Yozo through his life of addiction, women, suicide attempts, and so on. An incredibly depressing read. His whole inner life is laid bare and it's disgusting and grotesque and you see yourself in him and you wish you could hold him and cry for him but even if you could you would never have the power to make anything okay. Beautiful fucking book, genuinely 100% no fucking joke changed my life. 10000/10 shitty cyberpunk adaptations.

4. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoevsky. I cried hard as fuck dude. Another life changer for reals. Dostoevsky had such a deep understanding of human nature whether it be the lowest, most base and vile instincts or the unending capacity for love and compassion that exist in us all. All while being the blueprint for like every heady crime drama like Death Note, Breaking Bad, etc. The shit all you fags like. Most people just remember it as maybe required HS reading and definitely something people are pretentious about but it 100% deserves all the love it gets. Fan fucking tastic. 100000/10 years in Siberia.

5. Becoming - Michelle Obama. A bit too heavily ghostwritten, but when Michelle's voice shows through it's not terrible, it's kind of interesting to hear the inside scoop on White House life. It's kind of sad that Barack is the most interesting part of the book, and book-Barack seems like an extremely interesting and cool guy. But the book doesn't address all his dead civilians. 5/10 drone strikes.

6. Ulysses - James Joyce. The modernist novel, from what I understand. Half retelling of the Odyssey in 1900s Ireland, half a troll on literary critics, all around a pretty damn fun read. Not very far yet. Definitely the most difficult thing I've ever tried to read. Unfinished/10 Agenbites of inwit

7. 48 Laws of Power. This is like, THE sigma bro self help book as far as I've heard. It's pretty iconic, but I'm not especially excited for it.

8. Frankenstein - Mary Shelley. We all know it and love it, I'm interested to read the OG story.

9. Catechism of the Catholic Church 2nd Edition. Book from the Vatican that lays out what the church's official opinions, rules, shit like that are. Will be boring but interesting.

10. The God Delusion - Richard Dawkins. One of the biggest atheist dude books there is and probably by far the most influential. God is bad people who believe in God are stupid etc etc. Hopefully it has something interesting to say and isn't just a jerk off. It might just be a jerk off.

11. The Love Hypothesis - Ali Hazelwood. Some booktok romance schlock afaik. People make fun of it.

12. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole. All I know is it's about a guy in New Orleans in the 60s. Might be good, people seem to really like it.

13. The Art of War - Sun Tzu. Im gonna get so good at surprising my enemy.

14. Kodomo no Jikan - Kaworu Watashiya. Pure pedoslop, I don't think there's even an official English translation so we might not read it but I'm preemptively giving it 0/10.

15. The Iliad - Homer. The story of the Trojan war. All I know is Helen, Horse, and that's about it.

16. The Odyssey - Homer. It's the Odyssey. I think it's funny that it comes after Ulysses since I don't actually know the whole story of the Odyssey itself.

17. Ted Bundy: Conversations with a Killer - Stephen G. Michaud and Hugh Aynesworth. This is that thing they made a Netflix doc about a while back.

18. The C++ Programming Language 4th edition - Bjarne Stroustrup. Exactly what it says on the tin, by the guy who wrote the language.

19. Empress Theresa - Norman Boutin. A classic, it's a weird self-published story by a guy who's extremely unwell, usually referenced in the same way Sonichu is.

20. The Sound and the Fury - William Faulkner. His most difficult to read work, about a Southern family at the beginning of the 20th century.

21. Black Future #1 - Whitney Ryan. A very racist BNWO sissification porn story that was probably written as a joke. Possible skip definite 0/10.

22. The Cat in the Hat - Dr. Seuss. You know this.

23. The Trial - Franz Kafka. One of Kafka's most famous unfinished works, about a guy who's on trial for something and he doesn't know what.

24. American Psycho - Bret Easton Ellis. Supposed to be way darker and more fucked up than the movie, really supposed to chill you to the bone afaik. VERY excited for this read.

25. Gravity's Rainbow - Thomas Pynchon. One of those famous "Really Fucking Long And Hard Books" like Infinite Jest or Ulysses, incredibly autistic foray into WW2 rocket science. Classic Pynchonery.

26. Magick In Theory and Practice - Aleister Crowley. Thankfully it's not the entirety of Magick Liber ABA Book 4.

27. Minecraft Jokes for Kids - Steve Minecraft. Not a real book but we'll substitute Jokes For Minecrafters by the Hollow family.

28. The Jews and Their Lies - Martin Luther. One of the most notorious antisemitic texts, right up there with the Protocols. It's going to be a pretty apalling read but it has pretty damn significant historical value so it's probably worth reading.

29. Dianetics - L. Ron Hubbard. The scientology book. It's way longer than you'd expect.

30. Everyone Poops - Taro Gomi. I don't understand this because girls don't poop.

31. In His Own Write - John Lennon. His writing and art, mostly just a bunch of absurd bullshit. I want to remain neutral and not just hate the book because I hate the guy. We'll see if it deserves that.

32. Bear - Marian Engel. This is that Canadian novel where the woman has a romance with a bear.

33. How To Get A Girlfriend - Chad Scott Nellis. Some bullshit self published thing. I'm gonna be swimming in punani.

34. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck - Mark Manson. Some self help schlock afaik.

35. Gabriel Dropout (vol. 3) - UKAMI. This is that cutesy manga about those angels and demons in human high school.

36. 120 Days of Sodom - Marquis De Sade. Old story of elite sex cults, I'm pretty sure it's the origin of that being like a thing that people conspiracy theory about.

37. Phenomenology of Spirit - Hegel. You probably know Hegel from either Marx or Fallout New Vegas. I know Hegel because a chick at my friend's co-op talked at me about him for like ten minutes while I was way too shit faced to know what the fuck is going on around me at all but I nodded along.

38. Star Wars: The Ultimate Sticker Collection. I bought this used for a buck fifty with half the stickers gone. All the new trilogy ones were still there.

39. The Anarchist Cookbook. Vom hard at the idea of "buying" this but I want to make sure I get the version as it appears in the meme so I guess I'll drop a few bucks on it.

40. An American Life - Ronald Reagan. Practical applications for previous book.

41. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger. Had to read this in high school, hated it, maybe it'll be better this time around.

42. Finnegan's Wake - James Joyce. An early postmodernist work about uhhh fucking whatever it was about. I'm not gonna lie if Ulysses is this hard for me this one will kill me.

43. The Charles Mingus CAT-alog for Toilet Training Your Cat. I'm not in the know when it comes to music but apparently this guy is like one of the gods of jazz. And he wrote a book on teaching your cat to shit in a people-toilet.

44. Am I Disabled? - The Simpsons S7E7. This is the book Homer reads where he learns obesity is a disability and gets really fat so he can work from home. Story of my life.

45. Serial Experiments Lain: An Omnipresence in Wired - Yoshitoshi ABe. The Lain artbook, with the short manga The Nightmare of Fabrication. Will be very expensive to get ahold of.

46. Pounded by the Pound - Chuck Tingle. We've heard enough about this guy the bit was holding onto the last molecule of funny it had like five years ago but I now had to buy a compilation paperback of his work for this.

47. Ford Capri II 2.8 & 3.0 Owners Workshop Manual 1974-1987. Had to order this from the UK couldn't find any in the US.

48. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov. We all know what this is. Of all things when my mom saw this list this was the book she pointed out as being really good, which I thought was funny.

49. Man's Life Magazine, September 1956 issue. "Weasels Ripped My Flesh." Good god it will be difficult finding the actual magazine, but the weasels story itself has been reprinted.

50. Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs (2nd Edition) - Harold Abelson et al. I like when people make anime girls have it :)

51. Shiver - Junji Ito. Never been a major Ito fan but a couple of his works I really liked are in this compilation.

52. Neon Genesis Evangelion (vol. 2) - Yoshiyuki Sadamoto. The Eva manga was really good I've actually read it before.

53. How To Avoid Huge Ships - Captain John W. Trimmer. Classic meme because I guess the cover and premise is very funny but I don't really get the joke. It's not that ridiculous sounding of a book, it's just niche.

54. Spice and Wolf (vol. 1) - Isuna Hasekura. Light novel for that manga we've been seeing around. They put a generic cover on it and replaced the anime girl so it could sell to non-weebs.

55. Atlas Shrugged - Ayn Rand. My sister read this in like middle school and unironically no joke started bawling crying sobbing because poor people are so evil and awful.

56. The Very Hungry Caterpillar - Eric Carle. Oh Boy I Sure Hope This Little Wiggly Guy Eats Something Normal! Oh no.. oh dear ...

57. Glow In The Dark - Kanye West. Very very hard to get a physical copy but we'll try. Photo book of his tour of the same name.

58. Mein Kampf - Adolf Hitler. Now obviously this wasn't included on the list for the genuine important historical value this book has but that's what I'm going to be reading it for. In reading it critically afaik it really paints a picture of how pathetic and unwell he was.

59. Higurashi: When They Cry. I hear it's really good.

60. This is a naked photo of Daniel Radcliffe posed with a horse.

61. Aberration in the Heartland of the Real - Wendy S. Painting. This is a book on the life of the OKBOMB guy, Timothy McVeigh. I hate how true crime shit has become so polarized as either sensational dogshit to make women walk with their keys between their knuckles or some awful horrible thing that's not worth looking into because "they were just racist/misogynistic/etc" I think it's all very reductive so this promises to be a good read.

62. KUBARK Counterintelligence Interrogation. CIA document on breaking a prisoner and interrogating from the 60s.

63. The Game - Neil Strauss. The Bible for pickup artists.

64. Identifying Wood - R. Bruce Hoadley. Yep, it's wood.

65. Fresh And Fabulous Meals in Minutes - Ainsley Harriot. Lots of memes about him but this is just a regular cookbook.

66. The Turner Diaries - Andrew Macdonald. Far-right racist book that inspired terrorism and hate crimes. People who read it and didn't already agree with it going in have said it's poorly written and just blows, and in the peek I took that seems to be true. It's too influential to not read if I'm going to be reading about Timothy McVeigh. Hard to get since it got pulled from most online stores following Jan 6th.

67. The C Programming Language (2nd Edition) - Brian W. Kernighan & Dennis M. Ritchie. Gonna learn to code I guess.

68. A Little Life - Hanya Yanagihara. It's a story about a group of mentally ill gay men living in New York. Has been described as trauma porn written by a woman fetishizing gay men and is on there because channers like making fun of it, but it was also shortlisted for a Pulitzer.

69. The Rose of Paracelsus - William Leonard Pickard. The author was the victim of one of the largest acid busts and he wrote this in prison.

70. The Book of Mormon - Joseph Smith. Interested to learn what the fuck Mormons are actually all about.

71. Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone - J.K. Rowling. Like most people I read these in middle school. They were mid then and they're ass now but I'm not gonna tryhard about how bad they are because you've probably heard enough at this point.

72. A Critique of Pure Reason - Immanuel Kant. As someone who doesn't know shit about philosophy I'm excited.

73. Autobiography - Morrissey. Notorious for being published through Penguin Classics which is NOT for Morrisseys. Bad Morrissey. Go to your room.

74. Official Final Fantasy 7 Strategy Guide. I'm gonna get so good at FF7 dude.

75. My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness - Kabi Nagata. Think of the most annoying bpd she/they you know and then imagine a really mid book that she'd become way too annoying about. You've imagined this book.

76. Children of the Matrix - David Icke. The origin of the reptoids conspiracy theory.

77. Anti-Oedipus - Deleuze and Guattari. Mario and Luigi for your leftist roommate who won't do the dishes

78. Infinite Jest - David Foster Wallace. It's a book about a person place or thing I know that much.

79. Sonichu #0 - Gonna be near impossible to source a physical copy from its short Lulu run.

80. Uncle Tom's Cabin - Harriet Beecher Stowe. Obviously of great historical importance but I get a sneaking suspicion that's not why they put it on the list.

81. Bronze Age Mindset - Bronze Age Pervert. This is... Well, it's sure something.

82. Drilled By My Two Cowboys - Aurora Sommers. BBW Cowboy porn 😋💦

83. The Brothers Karamazov - Fyodor Dostoevsky. People say it's his best work and if it's anywhere near as good as C&P was it'll blow me away. Also the Godfather was inspired by it.

84. Spare - Prince Harry. Really unfunny inclusion I can't imagine there's much value in it.

85. Da Jesus Book. That's the Hawaiian Pidgin translation of the New Testament. So basically I'm just reading the bible with extra steps.

86. Elon Musk - Ashlee Vance. Biography on Elon Musk apparently, not especially interested cause good chance it'll just suck him off hard.

87. Where's Waldo (Deluxe) - Martin Handford. Oh god I hope I find him.

88. Dracula - Bram Stoker. Shoulda subbed to Dracula Daily......

89. Bart Simpson's Guide to Life. I'm excited to see what Bart has to say about what I need to do with myself.

90. Bakemonogatari (vol. 1) - Nisio Isin. I've heard of this in passing I don't really know anything about this light novel except there's like girls and they're monsters maybe?

91. Business Secrets of the Pharoahs - Mark Crorigan. Fake book from S8E2 of the show Peep Show, which I've never heard of. It's British.

92. Industrial Society and Its Future - Ted Kaczynski. All I really know about Ted's ideas in the end is that everyone on here says he's based. I definitely want to read him and formulate my own opinion but I will probably also end up agreeing that he's based.

93. My Twisted World - Elliot Rodger. This is the manifesto of that incel shooter, probably a pretty worthwhile read in the same way a lot of this stuff is, a look into a deeply troubled person's mind.

94. Wash Your Penis - Jordan B. Peterson. This doesn't exist so we'll just read 12 Rules for Life.

95. Andrew Tate's Exegesis of the Quran. Unfortunately he did not actually write one though I bet it would be soooo terrible and funny. But we will read the Quran.

96. Art of the Deal - Donald Trump. Time to find out why people respected this guy.

[trollprincess]

So I’ve been watching Wolf Pack because I am a glutton for punishment, and so far it’s been fine. I’m sure that won’t last, but let’s go with it.

Anyway, a few things I’ve been thinking on:

Look, Sarah Michelle Gellar is either the one making the calls or the alpha. Can we just get there already? Or reveal anything about her other than that she seems to be the only sensible investigator there? (Still creepily everpresent, however.)

The sharing powers when they sync up thing is cool. Let’s do more of that.

Okay, but are we SURE that’s their biological dad? Because I’ve been down Jeff Davis Road before and it turned out to be the crispy uncle.

NGL, at this point I’d be fine if Everett and Blake’s parents got bumped off by the werewolf and the Briggs family adopted them. And Danny. Actually, Everett’s dad can live. He seems cool.

Harlan is very pretty. He also annoys me. Sheesh.

Okay, I know Luna and Harlan have every right to be upset about the silver bullets but also they need to think with their common sense for five seconds. (Well, Luna does. Harlan doesn’t have any when it comes to Garrett.) Their father is still out there. They know next to nothing about themselves. What happens if they grow up and become violent? How’s he supposed to fight that? It says a lot he’s got that stuff stashed away in the stable and not in the house. He needs it, but man, does he not want to use it.

Mr. Garrett Briggs and his very obvious Brazilian accent. Okay, sure.

Look, I’ll freely admit that I am forty-five and therefore an Old, but I also find myself genuinely curious if teenagers are having nearly as many raves as Jeff Davis seems to think they’re having.

I am perfectly okay with Luna’s wardrobe choices but I’m not sure donating all of her midriffs to the Salvation Army is helping anybody.

I’m sure there’s some simple reason as to why Blake doesn’t carry a phone other than “It’s a thing,” especially considering she has a special-needs brother only she seems to give a damn about, and I have a bad feeling the term “revenge porn” is going to come up.

Look, I can’t do this arson investigation for the whole season. I need more. I need school. I need social interaction. I need something these kids are being distracted from because of all these changes and threats. I need Harlan deliberately ignoring Everett in a hallway and Luna trying to befriend Blake with itty bitty careful baby steps the way you approach a lost dog.

[tyforthevnm]

My Chemical Romance Interview - August 12, 2003

Source: x

My Chemical Romance

The Interviewed: Frank Iero, Matt Pelissier, Ray Toro, Gerard Way, Mikey Way

The Interviewer: Jessica Zietz, with occasional input from Michelle Cavallo

The Date: August 12, 2003

Jessica: Okay, I'm gonna pass this around so you guys can introduce yourself.

Frank: Hi, my name is Frank.

Jessica: And you play?

Frank: Oh, I play guitar and I scream.

Mikey: I'm Mikey and I play bass.

Ray: Hi, I'm Ray and I play guitar.

[Gerard, who's on the phone, waves.]

Matt: I'm Matt and I play drums.

[Gerard approaches]

Mikey: And Gerard sings!

Frank: Hello, what do you do?

[Laughter]

Gerard: I sing.

Jessica: Okay, your album was produced by Geoff Rickly, correct?  How did that come about?

Gerard: Basically, he offered to do it for us when he heard a demo that we did.  He really liked it.  I had known him for a couple years, since they first signed to Eyeball.  That's kinda how we hooked up.  I designed a t-shirt for them and we just kinda became friends.  He heard the demo and liked it and he's like, "Can I produce it?" and we were psyched.

Jessica: Cool.  I think he should run for president.

Gerard: [laughing] You think so?

Jessica: I do.  Is he gonna be involved in your next record?

Gerard: Um...probably not, only cause every record, people usually...I'm sure he'll be around, hopefully.  I'm sure he'll be on the road which kinda sucks, but hopefully if he's around we can have him come by as much as possible just to give us input and everything.

Jessica: Your music definitely has a dark tone to it.  Do you try to get on tours with bands that have a different sound so you can expose yourself to all different crowds and scenes?

Gerard: I think generally we end up on tours with different bands because we don't really fit in one place.  I think that's how that happens a lot.  We like to play in front of as many different types of crowds as possible.  We're usually the darkest band, you know what I mean?

Frank: We only tour with bands that we like.

Gerard: Yeah, yeah.

Jessica: That's sort of what I was going to ask next.  Have you done tours with bands whose music you don't like just to kinda get out there and play for a different group of people?

Frank: No, definitely not.  You want to play with bands and experience a tour with a band that you can respect.  If there's a shitty band out there that we really don't like or respect, we're not gonna take a tour with them.

Gerard: Usually, it should be any band's choice.  It's always up to a band if they wanna go out with somebody.  It should not be a problem for any band.

Jessica: Okay, I know that being on tour, all kinds of crazy shit has to happen.  Give us a really crazy/exciting/funny story.

Ray: We don't really have any crazy stories. We don't really do anything.

Jessica: Damn.  I wanted vicarious excitement!

Mikey: Um...we ran out of gas once...and...

Ray: We're really, really boring.

Jessica: Give it a couple years.

Frank: Oh, one time we got held hostage!

Mikey: That was sweet, though.

Jessica: I imagine that'd be a lot of fun.

Mikey: We had a lot of fun.

Jessica: I read that you guys shot a video about a month ago.  What song was it for?

Frank: It was a week ago.

Jessica: Oh.  I'm just making stuff up.

Gerard: We shot a video for "Honey."

Jessica: Which one is that?  See I know your music, but I don't know song titles.

All: First song on the record.

Jessica: Ohhh, okay.  I just never know song titles, but I know track numbers.

Frank: I do that too.  I put a CD on and I don't pay attention to the song names.

Jessica: Yeah.  If you say "Three" or "Seven," I'll know.  Okay.  Being on the road must give you a lot of time to check out new bands or movies or books, ya know, when you're between cities.  Is there anything you can recommend to us, whether it's CDs or movies or books, anything you've fallen in love with?

Frank: Yeah.

Mikey: Absolutely.

Frank: I'm in the middle of The Shining.  And I'm trying to think of new CDs I've heard.  See I'll just listen to Bouncing Souls over and over again.

Ray: Um, I'm reading Perks of Being A Wallflower.

Jessica: That's such a good book.

Ray: It's really Catcher in the Rye-ish.  Very good.  And music...

[All begin talking about The Muse's album.]

Gerard: We've got like half of their new record and that's all I've been listening to.  It's amazing.

Mikey: Yeah, it's the best thing ever.

Jessica: [To Matt] Anything for you?

Matt: No.

[Laughter]

Matt: I don't read.

Ray: Oh, no no no!  That book you've been reading!

Frank: Tell them about the book!

Jessica: Tell us about the book.

Matt: It's a strange deaths book.  It's kinda like the Darwin Awards.  It's just a book of embarrassing deaths.

Jessica: In the car, we were just talking about making a comic book of ways we'd like to kill each other.

[Laughter]

Mikey: So what'd you come up with?

Jessica: She wants to push me off a cliff and have me die on impact.  I wanted her to drive off a bridge and drown.

Michelle: You wanted to strangle me with barbed wire.

Frank: Oooh.

Mikey: You guys are good friends!

Jessica: We love each other!

Michelle: For what, fourteen years?

Mikey: Oh, I know something exciting that happened on the road.  I tried to quit coffee and I had headaches every day.

Frank: That happened today.

Gerard: Yeah, that happened today.  You almost bought coffee.

Jessica: Caffeine withdrawl.

Frank: Did you get the headaches?

Mikey: Yeah, I have a headache, really bad.  I was in a gas station and there was a pot of coffee and I looked at it for about a minute and then my brother [motions at Gerard] got a coffee and he taunted me.

Jessica: You guys are brothers?

Gerard: Yes.

Jessica: You look alike.

Mikey: Really?

Michelle: To a blind person.

Ray: You're the first person who's said that.

Jessica: Well if you changed the hair color.

Matt: We thought he was Travis from Piebald's brother.

Jessica: From the back, I thought you were Tyler. [From Midtown.]

Mikey: Oh, really?

Jessica: And then you turned around and it wasn't Tyler.

Mikey:  Oh, that's okay, cause he's a sweet little dude.

Ray: Were you disappointed that it wasn't Tyler?

[Laughter]

Frank: Oh, you got mugged.

Mikey: Yeah, I get mugged every tour.

Frank: That's kind of exciting.

Jessica: That's a fun story.  That's something to tell the grandkids.

Mikey: Yeah, totally.  In Rhode Island, some dudes decided to punch me in the throat and take my cell phone.  There were like ten of them.

Jessica: Are you serious? Those crazy Rhode Islanders.

Frank: And at gunpoint.

Mikey: Oh yeah, I keep forgetting the gun part.  The guy pulled a gun on me.  And he goes, "Give me your money."  And my first reaction was to lie about it like a moron and say I didn't have any money.  So the kid punches me and he goes, "Give me your cell phone."  And then our manager, with his powers of a deduction-

Ray: He's like a street fighter!

Mikey: He goes into the alley with his cell phone, so then they come back and try to mug him.  He pulls out a fucking switchblade and a baseball bat and a machine gun and a bazooka.  And he got my cell phone back.

Jessica: So he doubles as a bodyguard.

Mikey: He does, actually.

Jessica: That's pretty cool.  Aright, so you guys have been a band for what, a year and a half now?

Matt: A year and eight months.

Gerard: Yeah.

[Some crazy old man comes outside and starts bitching.]

Crazy old man: Can you take your meeting somewhere else?  There are people working in these offices.

All: Okay...

[The group relocates elsewhere and notices that 'people working in these offices' is really two men putting up a sign in an otherwise empty plaza.]

Jessica: It's a sign...

Frank: Wow...

Michelle: Nice.

Frank: What an asshole!

Gerard: Fuck, it's hot.

Jessica: Yeah, it really is.  Okay, so you've been a band for about a year and eight months.  You've come pretty far in the short time that you've been a band.  Can you give us a brief synopsis of the past two years, like how it all got started?

Mikey: Basically, we went to this evil magician and we told him to make us rock & roll superstars.  So he took a pint of each of our blood and put it in a cauldron.

Ray: Obviously he fucked up, cause look at us.

Mikey: We're not rock & roll superstars, but we're sweet little dudes.

Frank: It's been really good.  We're really lucky.

Jessica: What was the first song you wrote as a band?

Gerard: "Skylines and Turnstiles."

Jessica: I like that song.  My favorite song on the album is number six; I'm sorry, you know I'm really bad with the titles.

Matt: "Headfirst for Halos."

Jessica: That's the one.  Just cause that's my favorite song, I'm curious as to what the songwriting process was like for it.

Gerard: It started as a joke.  It was really funny.

Ray: We were stoned and we were jamming.

Matt: And we thought it was obnoxious and funny.  We were just like, "Oh my god, this is so stupid."   And Gerard's like, "No!  This is great!"

Gerard: Yeah; it was brilliant.  So I put really dark lyrics to it and it worked.

Jessica: That's what I like about it.  Cause the music is all upbeat and it sounds like it would be a happy song and then the lyrics are all dark and contrast with it.

Ray: We want to do that for the next album.

Frank: Yeah, we'll do that.

Jessica: So how do you think your music has progressed since writing your first song?  Has it changed?

Gerard: Oh yeah.  The heavy songs we used to write are a lot heavier.

Ray: Frank's been using his high E string too!

Frank: Yeah!  I never knew what that was for until like last month.

Gerard: The heavy songs we used to do are now a little more metal.  And then the different types of songs we do, like "Headfirst" or something like that, we're just starting to get into that now.  That stuff's really exciting because it sounds like us, but we're trying new things.  We're experimenting a little bit and taking risks, basically.  So that's what the new stuff's like.

Jessica: So when was the last time you guys wrote a new song?

Ray and Gerard: Last week.

Frank: This is our first day on tour since like two months ago, so we've been writing a ton of shit.

Jessica: Is anybody in the band doing side projects, any other music or clothing?

Mikey: A clothing line?!

Jessica: I don't know, it seems as if all these bands are starting clothing lines all of a sudden.

Gerard: Nah, we don't do any shit like that.  I'm running a "Dungeons and Dragons" game, though.  That's my side project.

Jessica: So when are you guys gonna record again?

Gerard: Hopefully January.  Hopefully the record will be out in like May.

Jessica: And my last question...you guys are one of my favorite bands.  If you were interviewing your favorite band, what would you want to know?

["Um"s and "Hmm"s all around.]

Mikey: I can't think of a specific band, that's the thing.

Frank: She said your favorite band. So what's your favorite band?

Mikey: Morrissey.  Hmm, what do I want to know from that guy?

Gerard: [To Frank] I think I know what yours would be.

Frank: Oh, go, go, answer for me!

Gerard: [Laughing] Why are you such a prick; why'd you like go get a sandwich when you could have talked to me?

Mikey: That's so sad.

Ray: I'd probably ask Randy Rhoads how it felt dying in a plane crash.

Mikey: He wouldn't answer because he's dead.  I'd probably ask Morrissey how it feels to be a sweet little dude.

Frank: He might show you too.

[Laughter]

Frank: I don't know.  I don't really know.  That's a good one though.  We've never been asked that.

Thanks to Brian Bumbery, Molly, Eddie, and of course, My Chemical Romance.  For more on this fantastic band, visit http://www.mychemicalromance.com

[thesevenwondersofawitch]

The Brothers Sun e3

For a sec I thought that Mama Sun was also a maid in her off time before I realized it was a way for her to break into Giant guy's room

The way she stood on a bucket to reach the key's hiding spot just reminded me of short she actually is

Ooo, did the guy have a cat? I hope it's ok

Well shit, there's an angry guy about to try and kill her👀

Are we finally gonna get to see her fight?!👀

No, she's just screaming to get the neighbors attention, that's so clever and hilarious 😂

Oh, Charles is trying to make churros 😂 I thought he was boiling fingers or something

Oh

Oh wow

He boiled Giant guy's head👀

Love how he's flirting with Alexis😂

Charles definitely can't handle spicy food 😂

Oh, she's a prosecutor not a detective

"I also don't work with people who work with cops."😂

Mama Sun: "I don't baby him"

Charles: "You literally carry baby pictures of him in your purse."

Mama Sun: "Because he's my baby."

I love that Alexis is pointing out whenever a mom says she doesn't need help with something, it means she actually does😂

Charles is a chef truly

The moms face when Grace came up to then saying that Bruce might've mentioned her😂

The way Charles could tell that Bruce is gonna be in trouble when he's safe because he lied to his mom about the improv thing

Poor Bruce and his friend

Oh no, someone's gonna lose their fingers

Oh May was her sister, uh oh they're totally fucked.

The passive aggressiveness of Charles and his mom switching the air and music in the car is fantastic 😂

I love that the mom is explaining how the women's network works

Damn, he's her nephew now😂

Ouch, her sick nephew 😂

I love that they're not talking about ulcerative colitis but they're talking about a collapsed butt😂

The way everyone is telling Charles what his mom wants him to do😂

"tell me where your brother is?"

"Can't I tell you anything besides that?"

Damn, Bruce definitely won't get picked up by any medical practices with a penis tattooed on his face😂

The way the mom keeps mocking Charles is hilarious 😂

"Cocaine makes me kooky." I love her so much

I'm willing to bet Charles hasn't gotten as much information as she has😂

The driver outside just being all confused as he says Hi

That poor guy and the other guys that Charles is beating up while his mom is peacefully getting the information 😂

The way she's stalling the guy so her son can leave safely 😂

Cool, she got a lobster 😂

I do have to say, I sympathize with Charles, because it's gotta be hard doing all this shit for a mom, trying to do everything right, but she still loves the son that hasn't done any of that

Rip to TK's thumbs but he was a snitch so no sympathy

Yeah, I doubt that they're gonna get the door open by kicking it from their seats in chairs

May's sister is awesome and I love her

Love that it was a Chick fil a that he sent her to😂

Charles saying she can keep TK is a mood😂

Bruce running with a chair stuck to him so he can get between May's sister and Charles is cool

Charles saying that May's sister helped him get a new record because people are attempting to kill him 5 days in a row.

TK being scolded by the mom for getting his thumbs cut off is great😂

Damn, poor Charles. 🥺 He has to watch his brother get all the love and care he never did🥺

I hope nothing happens to June

Mama Sun is being a bit of a dick to Charles(but I love Michelle Yeoh)

Oh shit! The police officer who's in charge of bagging up the sea food guy is the dude from the beginning of the episode who tried to attack the mom!

[themculibrary]

Uncle Happy/Happy & Peter Masterlist

Auntie Carol To The Rescue (ao3) - Ruez N/R, 4k

Summary: When Happy forgets six year old Peter at Blockbuster, a fellow half-Kree, half-human helps him return home.

Baby Giraffes & Overheated Spider-Kids (ao3) - Marvelous_Writer pepper/tony G, 2k

Summary: In which Peter faints during a family trip to the zoo.

(Alternate title: Too Hot, Hot Damn)

Does This Make Me Part of the Security Team? (ao3) - friendlyneighborhoodsecretary G, 1k

Summary: Peter loves the Stark Internship, but isn't a fan of corporate dinners. Thankfully, distractions are easily found.

Far from home, close to heart (ao3) - wolfypuppypiles mj/peter G, 5k

Summary: Peter misses Tony. He's tired and sore and sad and all he needs is for someone to take care of him. Lucky for our favourite spider Happy Hogan is on Uncle Patrol and just what Peter needs.

Basically, that bridge scene in Far from home after everything goes down but its just whump and fluff with MJ learning exactly what being Spider-Man entails.

Spoilers obviously.

Hold on to Me Now, You're Not Invincible (ao3) - justalittlemoth G, 792

Summary: Peter and Happy have a conversation about Happy and May's relationship.

If You're Happy and You Know It... (ao3) - friendlyneighborhoodsecretary G, 20k

Summary: Happy Hogan may not exactly be the cool uncle, but he tries his best. A collection of moments in which Happy looks after the kid his boss/best friend accidentally acquired and who Happy himself would definitely not/maybe/absolutely would fight a Titan for.

Just Lost for a Minute (ao3) - spooderboyandtincan N/R, 947

Summary: Peter has a notorious habit of getting lost, and it stresses Tony out. A lot.

Not About the Room Design (ao3) - friendofspiderman G, 367

Summary: Fictober Prompt #17: "I'm with you, you know that"

---

Peter’s less-than-enthused about staying at a safehouse.

Only Me (ao3) - KatinaMoon G, 1k

Summary: A guard at the entrance to Stark Industries doesn't recognize the kid coming to see Tony Stark.

He doesn't realize that he's just tackled Peter Parker to the floor.

Peter Parker's 3rd Identity (ao3) - juliette_1004 T, 25k

Summary: Peter? He can't be mine..

He is such a nice kid, innocent, smartest kid ever. He's way too good of a kid to be Tony Stark's kid.. he can't be a Stark..

"Boss.."

"Friday results!" Tony yells shaking as if he already knows what that tone from Friday was.

"It's a 99.99% match. You are definitely Peter Parker's biological Father."

Father? Father... Peter Parker's biological.. Father.. is me???

Petey (ao3) - A_Supreme_Overlord pepper/tony G, 7k 

Summary: “Mom and dad are fighting again.”

A broken father, and a worried mother. A house of tears, and heart-clenching screams. A tired offspring, and missing emotions. Mysterious responses, but questions unanswered.

The downhearted story of a child who was only trying their best.

Psych 101 (ao3) - TheDumbestAvenger T, 1k

Summary: Tony and Peter are attacked at what should have been a simple press conference revealing the next heir to Stark Industries

reassure me (just one more time) (ao3) - paperback92 mj/peter G, 2k

Summary: Happy finds Spider-Man crouched between two smoking cars on the London Bridge.

The Things That are Left (ao3) - harmonymotel G, 1k

Summary: Peter’s not doing so well. Happy is trying his best.

Tolerate it (ao3) - AimAim94 michelle/peter, pepper/tony N/R, 1k    

Summary: PROMPT 11: EMERGENCY ROOM/AMBULANCE ALT 3 CUDDLING ON THE COUCH. 19 Whining/crying

“You okay?” Peter asked MJ as he drove toward home from college. She had been unusually quiet lately.

“Yeah. Fine.” MJ smiled and reached out to squeeze his hand, “Sorry.”

“You could just tell me what’s going on, babe. I promise not to judge you—Whatever it is.” Peter squeezed her hand back, “I know you and I know something is off.”

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Don Carlo (Naples, 2022): Reactions, Part II

let’s continue!

ooh

gnc rights!!!

HELLO

they’re so adorable

she’s so stunning

love this lighting

accurate representation of me listening to Elīna Garanča

i want that look

the hat is full of secrets

i want it

his smile!!!

hyperfunctional gay vs “has the combined personalities of reputation and lover by taylor swift” bi

(i said what i said.)

let’s all do the two-step 

she has such a presence

she’s trying to flirt with him lmao

his voice melts me

oh éboli, thinking that he’s in love with you based on zero evidence…definitely will not bite you in the ass later

sad boi

i wanna give her a hug

and FAINT

WE HAVE THE POSE

just some of the most DIVINE music ever right here

TELL HIM OFF

she’s such a wonderful Elisabetta 🥺

MICHELE PERTUSI MY BELOVED

dick move

filippo: aight my wife is now gonna sing an aria so smoke break time

she took off her flower ring, looked at filippo like “i dare u to stop me” and then gave it to aremberg

“’kay i already smoked how long is this gonna take”

TELL HIM OFF (again, in a different direction)

:(

here we go!!!

“do NOT. fucking. mention. flanders.”

oh now so our silent friend is a flemish dude

point

his face lol

HOT DAMN

are the shadows huddled flemish? menacing priests? who knows?

“okay now let’s chat like besties”

“uh”

why are they here

the way he whispered that was so cool

“is my boyfriend cheating on me with my dad????????”

[rebelwheelsnycpoetry]

Sploot (Rebel!)

by Michele Sommerstein

brain, type: neurodivergent brain mode, loading, please stand by we will address your question in a second… (not literally) cue hold music improvised and multi-genre, chaotic jazz, cool (think Mingus) or super calm, soothing & with cats or silent songs with no static, for that is sensory disdain my brain… weird and fabulous and delayed in processing the, words details and their meaning in real time, this, information, perpetually coming, agh!

sometimes it feels like, I am performing human this, flustered alien divine exhausted from trying to translate, what this tone and that smile or that particular positioning of the eyebrows might mean & not getting it right. humans are so confusing and, I prefer the company of dogs.

sometimes inquisitive, philosopher, observing, questioning, refusing to go along with, social customs without reason or at least knowing why they exist while so many just go along without knowing why they exist and why? “Because” they said “that’s just how it is” and what?! kind of life is that?

Rhetorical questions answered accidentally chagrined but grinning, amused or mildly mortified ask me how I am doing, and I will tell you, honestly, potentially, failing to detect the presence of small talk, like a habitual waltz that's lacking sincerity or real connection, a waste of time preferring silence if the former is not an option.

Awkward (& with negative connotations) at times but only to the neurotypical. To the kindred brains, my people, weird and fabulous we are awkward but gloriously so This beauty, worth more than gold, to find your people like unbuttoning that top button and letting it all hang out Tongue out and relief this that can only be achieved, when you do not internalize the stigma maintenance daily for if you do not shine your light (but not for the ableds, not for their inspiration) if you don’t fly your sploot flag, your truth with pride (even if wavering) yellows, oranges, sequins and cats, blue-purples & soft textures or however your flag looks like, mine changes on mood then how will your people ever find you?

And I know Sometimes it’s hard. The ableism. humans. professionals who, despite having a degree from med school, who don’t get it, grossly, lacking, training, they call you, emotional & too much so as if they too, would not be overwhelmed in a world where everything, blaring at top volume hold your ears & take a look, for you are the only one in the room, bothered this sensory overload while those around, stink-face, judging what they do not know wondering what’s your problem? for their ears are not overly astute & in tune to the alarming the loud buzzing of the fridge the click click click of the clock on the wall, amplified their vision naturally dimmed to the screaming lights, those who have no need to shield their eyes saw no need to create a room of refuge for those of us who see and hear and feel it all.

those who, hold you to this standard of perfection or condescension as if they are perfect? they are not. they hear the word impairment and they think they know based on textbooks written by the neurotypical ‘she’s sweet but too slow to have an opinion of her own’ but oh, you are very much aware of the bullshit that is around you. but can not always process it in real time nor fast enough to advocate sufficient and frustrated and tears (inside)

and because all of this varies, fluctuates is not fixed or constant, but a spectrum that ebbs and flows (as if all things in life are fixed or invalid) they, who are supposedly wise and educated do not get it, even doubt it even though you are not the first of your kind and the burden of this, of being so damn misunderstood the consequences that ensue weighs on you, can wear you down but you must always remember: you are not the problem.

last night, my brain thought what if pigeons started a conspiracy theory group called coo-anon existing solely to promote pigeon supremacy based on the fear that other birds are trying to replace them even though pigeons are all around & a supervisor is just a beach hat with an obvious and fantastic upgrade

Headphones, on Sunglasses, round, retro, ready and black, worn stylish and eccentric ranging in protection from the fluorescent and not so fluorescent lights with rhinestones, cat-eye, glamour, & tassels like a cat toy, swish swish joy (for the days when I don’t mind things touching my face) for if I must exist in this world, that is sometimes too damn bright and loud then I shall do it with intention and in a way that feeds my soul (also great for hiding, like a portable form, of sensory fort)

brain type: neurodivergent. Squirrel! Sorry, what was your question? brain mode, loading, please stand by…