#tuliharja's musings

[tuliharja]

I should really, really translate my one fic about Kenpachi and the unnamed fifth seat of the Fourth Division. Who wouldn't love a sassy nurse who is extremely tired of Kenpachi's behavior when she has to patch him up?

[tuliharja]

What a great way to start my morning by checking my email and getting all excited about the fact someone left a comment in my one art collection in AO3. Just to realize it was basically "clever" advertisement spam. It started at first like a misplaced comment (it didn't have anything to do with my art collection and it started somewhat blaming manner toward my collection, but at least the fandom reference was correct), but once I read it till the end, I realized it was basically an advertisement. Talk about a real bummer to start one's morning.

[tuliharja]

I feel like that Picard meme when I'm trying to desperate write Star Wars Rebel's fanfic to my friend and my knowledge of Star Wars as a whole topic is based on that one series (and not even all seasons!) and some very shaky memories of the movies.

Like, I've so many questions related to the fact, how things are addressed in Star Wars.

Like, what are droid's wrench-like hands called? Are those just hands?

Do imperial troops shoot lasers? Bullets? Like whut?

Also, those white stormtroopers...does the rebels call them stormtroopers or bucket heads?

Hows do the Force work apart from the fact Jedis and Padawans can use light sabers and make things float?

Is there cussing in Star Wars? I want to Zeb have potty mouth.

What are the ships called? Like, imperial ships? Enemy ships? How I should refer to those from the rebels' point of view?

And all the other little details keep coming to my mind, even though I'm pretty sure my friend won't mind as long as I'll make enough 'kaboom' and 'boom' scenes. Or, they'll laugh their butt off for all the 'mistakes' I make or be super impressed I could actually write a Star Wars fic, despite the fact my knowledge of it is very...very...bad.

But hey. It's fiction! So, I get to make my own rules!

(Not really, because I'll dread all the 'mistakes' I might make, even though I'm sure they won't notice those.)

Haha, I forgot how fun writing fanfiction can be, but at the same time stressing.

Watch me writing A + Star Wars fanfiction, while circling around all the little details masterfully~.

[tuliharja]

Just got my first...

Just got my first hate note concerning my art on DA. The creativity level of it was zero and it was pretty mild from what I've seen other people get. Blocked the user and deleted their note as any sensible person would do. I suppose I'm finally starting to make some rounds in there. Even so...I'll draw whatever I want and if that doesn't align with someone's interest who sees my art, I kindly ask you to move on and allow other people who like my art to see it. We all have different tastes, after all. So, let's try to get along, alright?

[tuliharja]

Yosh!

The Star Wars Rebels gift fic to my friend for Valentine's Day is ready and I think it turned out pretty well, despite the fact I had to reach out to the community to help me and google tons of things.

But the important things got addressed which were: craziness, explosions, badassness, and chocolate!

I'm also proud of the fact I came up with a good name for it which is "Even Rebels eat chocolate".

Now I just have to polish it a bit the fic just so I can deliver it tomorrow to my friend~. Can't wait for it~.

Also, I'll tomorrow deliver to the rest of the people my Bleach x Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle crossover which will be filled with craziness, mishap, and chocolate-making! Plus, there will be a lovely small extra chapter as a side dish. 😊😄

[tuliharja]

Aaah, I had forgotten how fun it's just to edit pictures to your liking. The thrill of seeing how you manage to modify the original picture to your liking just so it's closer to your vision. Because at times just creating something from scratch isn't sought out, not to mention...just like being able to create art from scratch, it takes talent to really manipulate pictures in such a way it looks like 'yeah, it could have originally been like that'.

Or, watch me browsing thousands of pictures to find even one picture reference that would look even closer to the character I just made up for my friend's D&D, just to realize there isn't any and you don't want to draw the character, because it's faster and easier to edit an existing picture to do the job. (Not really. Good editing takes also time.)

[tuliharja]

Fandom: Star Wars - All Media Types / Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)

Rating: General Audiences

Genres: Romance/Sci-fi

Chapters: 1/1

Summary:  It's not easy to be long-living, especially if your partner's lifespan is much shorter. Luckily Eli knows just the right words to reassure his lover. One-shot.

Characters: Eli Vanto, Original Character, Thrawn (gets only mentioned) and Ar'alani (gets only mentioned)

Note: Also posted in fanfiction.net under the same name.

[tuliharja]

Possible spoilers concerning Bleach's 20th-anniversary one-shot and those who haven't yet read TYBW arc.

So, after I saw the sketches about current Gotei 13's captains and lieutenants, I couldn't help but think few things and also notice some things. Let me share some of my thoughts about some of them:

I think each person's individual styles are showing now more than before and I get the feeling it's thanks to Kyoraku. If we think back to the time when Yamamoto was Head Captain, most of the captains and lieutenants' uniforms were mostly always in their standard state, if we don't count few exceptions. (I'm looking at you, Mayuri.) There might have been few tattoos or piercings, but mostly there wasn't anything that gave off the individual's personality. Now, those seem more personalized -at least most of them.

I think it's very cool Kubo decided to highlight some details and how some outfits, hairstyles, etc. work. For example how Nanao's hairstyle works. That detail might seem very random, but considering the fact, her hairstyle would work in real life, kudos to Kubo about that.

Also, what I find interesting is Nanao's glove: that glove style reminds me of those archery gloves that we've seen used in archery. (At least in every manga/anime where there is an archery club, the characters usually wear such a glove.) It kind of made me think of Nanao using a bow and arrows...

I can't help but wonder why Soi Fon has that additional red ribbon around her waist... My one friend suggested it was probably a gift from Yoruichi.

Omaeda...he looks just...hmm, ever seen those anime series/movies where are those school bullies that try to act all tough, because their parents have money? Yet in reality, are weak? Yeah, Omaeda. Gives me that classical Japanese Gansta school bully vibes with his too many accessories.

Rose looks like some Victorian-era gay vampire... I'm actually digging his all-frills. Like, so many frills!

Izuru's looks are cool. I like that Assassin's Creed-type hood he is sporting. (Also, is his other hand now permanently black? Or, was that just a long glove he is wearing?)

Isane is just super-duper cute and soft-looking. Uwu. Makes me want to give her head pats and cheer her up, even if she would get all flustered! Precious baby.

Shinji's style is even more crooked if possible. I bet Death the Kid from Soul Eater would have a meltdown if he saw him...

Momo gives now this old-lady vibe because of the hairstyle she is sporting and that hair accessory. ^^'

I wonder why Renji has that army-type of vest under his normal shinigami robes... Also, kind of makes me want to see if something would hit (or shot) Renji's upper and if the vest would rescue his life like we see in cop movies/tv-series.

And did you notice Iba has miko bracelet? (I'm pretty sure it's miko bracelet.) And where he got that face scar on his face? I don't recall it at all?

Also, Iba's lieutenant Atau Rindō has that healer-type apron while he uses a high collar shirt which is cute. All in all, his looks are too very soft, yet sophisticated I'm also totally on board about that, he acts as a communicator between Iba and Komamura.

I bet Lisa's style got full marks from Kyoraku... I can imagine her just going to Kyoraku's office and be 'can I wear a mini-skirt and top?' while Kyoraku gave her thumbs up.

Also, I bet Lisa asked if her lieutenant could dress up.

Speaking of her lieutenant Yuyu Yayahara...she is just cute! I love her gyaru style~. Though, I wonder if she has a fake tan...? I mean, gyaru's usually had, but her skin color could actually be dark. Either way, she still looks super cute! I loved her girly badass appearance. The fact she wore cute nail polish, accessories, etc. yet was all badass? Yes, please.

Kensei gives this big biker dad energy... while his son (Hisagi) is too wild.

One thing that I marked was the fact Kubo hadn't sketched Mashiro. In fact, she didn't appear at all in the one-shot. While I didn't at first think that much about it, but the fact Kubo sketched Genshirō Okikiba (Kyoraku's other lieutenant), yet not Mashiro was odd. I mean, in TYBW Mashiro told Hisagi she is super-lieutenant (co-lieutenant) and it's obvious from the sketches we saw Kubo sketched just captains and lieutenants (plus Yumichika. Then again, he and Ikkaku are a set, so yeah), so leaving Mashiro out felt just...weird. Maybe Kubo forgot her?

It appears Toshiro's sheathe now scatters like Senbonzakura? As far as I remember that didn't happen at least in the manga.

It seems Rangiku healed from her broken heart as her hair is once again long. Good for her! Also, she has now tied that pink cloth around her waist, which is actually very cute.

Yumichika is as stylish as ever. I especially liked the feather details in his sketch.

Mayuri's additions to his robes make me think spotted jelly. Sorry, but especially the captain's robe's ones make me think that.

Akon's necklace-thingy looks just...odd...but I suppose it's handy? I mean, it looks sturdy and it should be because I can imagine a lieutenant's badge must weigh at least a little bit. It also appears he has some vitals in his necklace...

The funny thing with Rukia is that, if you would remove her ponytail, she would have basically her old hairstyle -just uneven.

[tuliharja]

To draw or not to draw that's the problem

To put it lightly, I'm super excited about the upcoming drawing that I'm drawing at the moment. Haven't felt for a while as excited as I'm at the moment. But the worst thing is it comes with a mental package of anxiety. After all, I would just want to draw, draw and draw it, but I'm supposed to do other things too, so my time to actually draw is limited...plus, each time when I feel like this when drawing, I also feel like 'this will become epic if I succeed' which creates anxiety over the fact 'what if I mess up it royally?' Which makes that, while I want to draw, yet at the same time...I unconsciously and consciously avoid drawing it. It's like some sort of paradox.

[tuliharja]

When I finally managed to write something after such a long time and got it even finished, comes the most dreadful step in the whole progress. Finding a beta reader.

I mean, finding a beta to specific fandom is already hard enough, but finding one who is willing to beta crossover? Next to impossible. I understand the beta readers want to be familiar with the fandom they're betaing for as it'll be easier to beta it (not to mention understand what is going on), but because of that, it's hard to find one who is willing to beta crossover fics. I especially find it unfortunate since I'm usually looking more technical beta (checking if my grammar is alright, did I spell everything right, are my tenses correct, etc.), because, despite the fact many people have told me my English is pretty good, I'm still not confident enough just to hit that 'post' button when it comes to my fics.

I can easily ramble like this on Tumblr or any other social platforms and not be that concerned if I ended up messing my text here and there, but when it comes to a fic it's a fully different story. I have this crippling anxiety if I end up posting unpolished, un-betaed fic online I'll be called out. (I've been called out in the past, which probably has made me like this.) I know these days people are more laidback about any technical errors as long as your text is at least readable. (At least in some platforms.) That change is a good thing since I remember how in the past you would get mercilessly called out if your fic's grammar wasn't top-notch. I know all that, yet even so...I can't help but worry. Each time I've written a fic, I just want someone, an English speaker to check my fic to make sure it's at least readable. Because while I could justify my grammar/spelling/etc. isn't top-notch because English isn't my mother tongue, I feel like at the end of the day it's just an excuse. I've studied English, so I should know basic grammar rules and other things. Yet even so...each time I look at the version the beta had sent to me, I'm surprised to see just how bad my English is even after all these years. Just like I'm surprised if they actually end up praising my skills. I mean, I've had my moments when my English writing is good, but I've also had my moments when it's just...not so good.

Because of that, I'm always dreading it a bit when I've to find a beta reader to my crossover fic. After all, it can take as much time as writing one fic, since finding a beta that suits your tastes isn't that easy. (Just like beta readers finding someone who suits their tastes.) But that doesn't mean I'll give up. After all, I already wrote that fic, and I'm proud of it. Even if anyone wouldn't read it (let's face it, not that many people read crossovers, especially if the other fandom is a very niche one), I still want to post it. And even if I know it would be more sensible to write just about one fandom, I can't help it if my heart beats for those crossover fandoms together.

Fingers crossed, I can find a beta to my crossover fic!

[tuliharja]

That satisfactory feeling when you've just finished an art piece and it's looking damn fine. ✨

[tuliharja]

Wohoo~! Finally cracked the method of how to post my art on AO3! So happy over the fact I now know how to post art on AO3, because no matter how much I tried before I couldn't do it...but now I can. 😌🤗

Though I'll still post mainly my art on DA, Pixiv, and Tumblr in the future as to me AO3 is a more 'writing' site, even though you can post art on it...

[tuliharja]

Okay.

Hum.

(How does one write once again coherent manner?)

So. I'm excited over the fact I'm starting to heal from a thing that happened in the past concerning fandom thing that kind of crippled me in a creative manner. Because of that crippling, I lost my writing voice which honestly sucked majorly butt. I'm still not writing as much as I used to, but at least I'm once again starting to brim from ideas.

The fact my newest fic received positive comments has also helped me a lot. It just feels nice when after such a long time I'm getting positive comments without any judgment or way too deep analyzing. Don't get me wrong -I absolutely love when I get comments where the reader tries to analyze my writing, but at times just fully positive comments are something every author (I believe) needs.

While I'm still not fully back in the game, I feel like it's okay. If not anything, I feel like I can start all over again with my writings.

The fandom will be probably one of my old ones which are ironic since I had kind of broken up with it? I even wrote a fic which was my way of saying to it 'goodbye'. But because of the positivity I've felt, I feel like I can include myself a bit more. If not anything else, it at least made that I've started to work on an old artwork of mine that had its deadline, yet because reasons I never finished it...not to mention, because other reasons I kind of ended up hating it which made that, I lost fully my motivation to finish it. But I'm now slowly working on it since it's a big art piece. I hope I can finish it and when I do, I'll post it on the internet. (It might not end up 'perfect', but even so...I hope other people will like it and I'll too.)

So excited about that, even though it's a lot of work. (I think that artwork will end up as one of those cathartic artworks.)

I also hope I'll be patient enough to just sit down and write some of those fics that are inside of my head because I've missed writing a lot. (And I want to share my thoughts and feelings through writing.)

But damn. Am I rusty when comes to writing or am I? Seriously, I feel like an elephant in a porcelain store, but I suppose that's a bit given when one starts to write once again. (That also includes thanking people for their kind comments. I feel like some sort of monkey that just hits the keyboard, not really knowing what buttons it's pushing. Yet I appreciate each and every comment I get.) If not anything else, at least there won't be (hopefully) that many restrictions when I try to write something when I do.

[tuliharja]

Just finished today two of my digital artworks. The other one has been in making for a few years and the other one got wrapped up in mere few days.

I think it kind of depends on how complex the art piece will be for how quickly I can finish it. Surprisingly, sketching and making lineart digitally takes pretty much the longest time. (I usually make sketches traditionally and then ink them digitally.) But that's because I like to procrastinate when doing the sketch and it has to be as perfect as it can be before I'll scan it. As for the digital lineart...haha, if the line will be even a little bit longer, it'll come out wobbly or just ugly, so I'll endlessly redraw it again and again, despite the fact in the finished result one can't even see it. (But I'll know it.)

Welp, I still have more art pieces that I should at the first plan and then make before June will end. (Once again I'll be busy-bee during June when comes to art-wise...well, hopefully, or I'll marathon those art pieces while crying 'why I didn't start sooner when I had time?!')

[tuliharja]

Blog theme update 2

Just wanted to let everybody know I updated my blog’s theme. Wanted something little bit different for the change.

[tuliharja]

I'm wondering if I should get Instagram to post my art there too... 🤔