#tuna are fucking strong fish

[scatterbrainedgremlin-writings]

More memes! More memes! More memes! Starring the dragon elders, aka the ones that raised Aizzayd

Don’t worry they’re all good at their jobs, which is protecting whatever villages are in their territories. Essos lives in a forest full of Dryads and the only ones she threatens to feed to her plants are abusive people

[echobx]

A Surprise Visit - JJ Maybank × fem!reader

summary: JJ goes to visit his long time girlfriend y/n at college in New York, but not all is like he had thought it to be and he makes it his mission to set things right between them. || this plays after s3 with both of them having the Eldorado gold money to keep them afloat

word count: 9.1k

warnings: hurt/comfort, fighting, swearing, jealous!JJ, lies and uncovering them, y/n being bratty established relationship, biker!JJ, smut, JJ POV

smut warnings: p in v (unprotected), dvp (with toy), fem!masturbation with toy, grinding, oral (fem and male receiving), squirting, body worship, switch!JJ (first sub leaning, later dom leaning), creampie, cockwarming (on a technicality), shower sex, back shots, slow sex, overstimulation (fem and male), hair pulling

author's note: originally written as an au to one of my fics I have decided to change this into a y/n fic and hope you like it

When I got to the address that she had texted me a few weeks prior, I was a little surprised. It was a townhouse in Lower Manhattan, and it had taken me quite some time to get there after picking up the rental bike, which was now parked right out front. 

Yet I wasn't surprised about the fact that she was living in a townhouse that was probably more expensive than some of the mansions on Figure Eight, or that she had joined a sorority. No, I was more surprised by the fact that there was a rager being thrown inside, and she had told me that she was “solely focusing on her studies.” 

My footsteps felt heavy as I stepped up towards the front door and opened it without anyone stopping me-

“This party is invite only. You don't have one. I know everyone who was invited. Now leave,” a girl with spiky black and purple hair was standing in front of me. She was tall and had broad shoulders and a very mean glare in her eyes. 

“My girlfriend lives here,” I smiled at her, but she just clucked her tongue.

“The only one here with a boyfriend is Theresa, and he's already inside. So, fuck off to whatever hole you crawled out of.”

“Who's that?” Another girl jumped next to her and placed her head on the shoulder of the first girl. Her fae-like appearance stood in stark contrast to the first girl, especially with the long blonde and blue hair that fell down over her shoulder and arm. 

“No one. He was just about to leave,” the first girl sneered. 

“I'm not leaving. And I promise you, my girlfriend will be pretty pissed if you don't let me in,” I couldn't help but hiss at her just a little, but the faery girl wasn’t bothered at all by me. 

“What's her name? If you can give us a name, we can check back, and then you can come inside,” she smiled politely.

“No he won't-”

I interrupted the first girl as fast as I could. “Y/l/n. Y/n y/l/n,” I told the faery, and she started giggling.

“You? You and Tuna?” 

“Tuna?” I was a bit perplexed. Why did they call her after a massive fish that wasn't even pretty?

“I think her boyfriend would know that that's her nickname,” the dark haired girl crossed her arms in front of her chest. 

“Oh, come on, Lou. Even if he isn't, look at him-” the faery gestured at me; armored pants, zipped open leather jacket with a plain black shirt peeking out and a helmet on my arm. “If Tuna isn't having fun, someone will.” 

Lou looked me up and down before raising her eyebrow. “If I go in there and ask her where her boyfriend is, and she's giving me any different answer than-”

“It's a surprise. I didn't tell her because I didn't want her to not focus on her work. I was trying to surprise her, but I guess she wasn't that honest with me either.” I leaned to the side to look inside a bit more, the party was still going strong and- Was that y/n dancing with some guy? “Are you fucking kidding me?” I gasped, the two girls were completely forgotten as I pushed the door open some more and stepped inside and right towards y/n. 

I hadn't even made half the way when she picked up her head and looked straight at me. It felt like time had stopped, and we just stood there and stared at each other as if it was the first time I got to lay my eyes on her. 

A tight sparkly dress that accentuated every single curve, a pair of high heels that could poke your eyes out, and the red lipstick that I loved so much. She looked perfect. She looked more than perfect. She was ethereal. How had I survived the last few months without being able to actually look at her? 

The guy had vanished, and she stepped closer, so I did the same, meeting her in the middle of the room, and before I could say anything she had her legs wrapped around my core and I did my best to hold her up with my left arm while my right one was still occupied with holding onto the helmet. 

Her lips were as soft as ever, and she tasted sweet and a little drunk, but not too much to be concerning. Her hands raked through my hair and I moaned into her while my tongue kept exploring her mouth just like the first time. 

“Upstairs, now,” she whispered before letting go of me and I placed her down on the floor just for her to drag me towards the stairs. It didn't escape me that a few more heads had turned to watch us, but I didn't mind at all. Especially not the single holler that sounded like it came from the fae-like girl while y/n kept dragging me upstairs until they couldn't see us anymore. 

We stopped in front of a room on the third floor and I watched y/n fish a key from her bra and unlock her door. 

“I don't want anyone thinking it's okay to have sex in my room, you know,” she mumbled after turning the key and opening the door. It wasn't a big room, but it was enough. A decent sized bed that could comfortably hold two people, a small closet, a desk that stood in front of the window and a bookcase on the wall opposite the bed. 

“Understandable,” I grinned at her and fully stepped inside, just for her to close the door and lock it again. I put the helmet down on the desk and turned around to look at her again. The dim light that came into the room from the moon shining outside was reflected in all the glitter on her dress. 

“You look stunning, y/n/n,” I rasped and stepped closer, my hand finding her cheek and holding onto it. With the heels on, she was only two inches shorter than me, which was something I would never grow accustomed to. 

“You too, dumbass,” she whispered and put her hands in the back of my neck, pulling me into a kiss that would've lasted longer if I had managed to take off my jacket without standing up straight. 

“Fuck it,” I muttered and ripped the jacket off as fast as I could, and immediately rid myself of my shoes too, just for her to pull me back in. 

“Let's not leave this room until tomorrow morning, okay?” she smirked and bit her lip, connecting her lips to mine as soon as I had nodded a yes. 

She started fumbling with my belt and I took her hands and placed them on my shoulders instead so I had more space to take off my pants. And as soon as they laid on the floor, she pushed me onto the bed and straddled my seat, kissing me still and not planning on stopping anytime soon.

“Feels like you missed me a lot,” she moaned into me and rutted against my erection. If she kept going, I wouldn't last long, but I also didn't want her to ever stop. I was so hard that it was hurting, but I needed to appreciate every single little moment of it because I dreaded the moment I would have to drive back home while she would be staying here to finish her degree like we had planned it. 

“Y/n/n,” I whimpered as she dragged her cunt over my dick another time. “I need you so fucking bad, baby.”

“Need you too, J,” she hushed against my lips and kissed me again, while pulling up my shirt and only letting go for the second it took to pull it over my head and throw it somewhere else in the room. 

“God, how I missed this,” she mumbled while kissing herself down my body, hooking her fingers under the hem of my boxer briefs and pulling them down as soon as I had lifted my hips. 

“Maybe we should wait and-” but my words were cut short as she spat on my dick and started pumping it. And with a last delicious grin, she dove down and started sucking me off like I had never felt before. I only managed to fist her hair so it wouldn't be in her way, but other than that I was a mess of curses and moans, and it would've been embarrassing if I didn't know how much she loved to hear me like that. 

Her tongue was swirling around my tip, head bobbing up and down so far that she let me hit the back of her throat every single time. Her saliva was dripping down my balls and onto the sheets. 

I wanted to hold on for some more, to not seem too desperate, but I couldn't and with a single thrust upwards into her hollowed cheeks, I spilled my cum down her throat. Panting, I let my head fall back completely while she kept pumping me and licking the last of my cum off my cock. 

“That was-” I panted, and she pulled me up to kiss me again. Tasting myself on her lips and tongue was another thing I would never get used to, no matter how much we did it. 

“I missed you a lot,” she giggled and hugged me tightly. 

“Fuck- Missed you more- Holy shit,” I was still rambling as I tried to come down from my high. 

Yet it didn't take me any more than a few seconds to be rock hard again as I watched her get up and take her dress off to reveal a black lingerie set that I had never seen before. 

“This is new,” I noted and held my hand out for her, and she took it, stepping in between my legs and nodding somewhat shyly. 

“Bought it last week. Want me to take it off?” she asked softly, and I shook my head. 

“If anyone is going to take that off you, it's gonna be me, princess.” And with that I picked her up and threw her on the bed. 

My lips connected to her soft, warm and sweet skin as I took my time to explore every single inch of her, just like I always did. I knew she was waiting for more. I knew she hated being edged on like that. And yet, I couldn't help myself. She was too perfect for me to not worship her the way she should always have been, from the day she was born until the day she died. 

“You smell like heaven,” I simpered and nuzzled into her lower abdomen, moving to her hips and softly nibbling on the flesh, making her gasp with it. 

“J, please,” she begged, and I smirked, crawling up to have my head level to hers and planting a kiss on her lips. 

“Will you let me do this my way, princess?” I rasped and she nodded quickly. “Good girl.” As a thank you I squeezed her nipple and she bit down on her bottom lip to not scream. 

I kissed her a bit harder, enough for her back to arch up and let me unhook her bra, but not yet taking it off. I rolled down the lace and cupped her tits while kneeling in between her legs. Y/n had gotten a new tattoo on her rib cage, right under her right tit. It was a small, very fine line of a stylized wave, but from a certain angle it looked like a J, and I let my thumb run over it.

“For you,” y/n breathed heavily. “I got that one for you.” 

“I figured, my love,” I chuckled and started kissing up the valley of her breasts before turning to each separately. Squeezing them and then taking her bra off. My lips and teeth closed around her nipple, and she moaned loudly as I flicked and tugged and basically tortured the small bud. Screaming even louder when I turned my full attention to the other side. My hips moved on their own account, and her hands gripped the sheets harder as my dick kept poking at her entrance. 

“Please,” she begged another time, and I stopped to move down and pull her slip off. 

“Fucking gorgeous. Look at you. All of that just for me,” I rambled and ran my fingers over her wet folds, dipping in between just a tiny bit, just enough to make her gasp. “You are dripping already, baby,” I praised her, and she mewled. 

She was right, though, and I couldn't deny it anymore. With a loving smile on my lips, I pressed my face into her seeping cunt. 

My tongue leapt at her folds, and I couldn't stop myself from moaning at how good she tasted. 

It didn't take long for her to spill out onto my tongue and scream my name while doing so, but I didn't even think of stopping anytime soon. 

My lips closed around her clit, sucking and tormenting it relentlessly, while my fingers curled up inside her and my own hips kept rutting against the mattress trying to find the tiniest of release for my aching hard dick that felt like it was about to explode just by the way she was squeezing my fingers. 

“J- J, is’ too much,” y/n moaned, but I knew her body, every little notion it gave me had been ingrained in my memory upon seeing it for the very first time. 

“Gimme one more, darling,” I groaned. “Cum for me, baby.”

Her back arched up, and she screamed curses and musings all the same while coating my fingers with her delicious cum. 

“Good girl,” I praised her and licked off my fingers just for her to pull on my hand and do it for me. 

“You're here,” she panted and pulled me closer, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug.

“Yeah, of course I'm here. I was starting to wonder if you were still real,” I joked, but the thought had haunted my mind once or twice before, especially at night. The nightmares had been the worst, and without my friends and the constant late night calls to y/n I wouldn't have made it out without going crazy. 

“I missed you, I missed this,” she whispered and kissed me longingly. “Touching you. Feeling you. Watching you closely.”

“Fucking love you so much, y/n/n,” I hushed and kissed her again, rolling herself onto me and rutting her hips over my hard-on. 

“Need you so bad, J. Please let me fuck you,” she begged as I reached my hand out to stroke over her tit. 

“What if I wanna do other things first?” I smirked, and she whined almost instantly, rubbing herself over me with more purpose. “Shit, I'm gonna cum,” I panted as I felt my balls tighten, and she moved faster, pressing her thumb to my tip and drawing soft circles on it as I moaned under her. 

“Look at you being such a good boy for me,” y/n mused and kept gently squeezing my cock just enough to get all of my release from it. 

“Your toy- where-” I broke out in between pants, and she returned my question with a pout. 

“Why?” 

“Fuck- Promise will be good- One more- Please,” I breathed heavily as she had her hand around my neck. 

“Maybe,” she whispered and pushed her fingers into my mouth, making me suck on them, and I did it without thinking twice about it. “Will you behave and finally fuck me if I let you do this one last thing?” 

I nodded diligently, and she pulled her fingers from my throat with a pop escaping my lips around them. 

Then she got up and opened the drawer of her nightstand, revealing not just one vibrator like I had imagined but a multitude of different toys in different shapes and sizes and colors.

“That's a lot,” I grinned at her, and she pulled out a bunny vibrator, it was about the same length as my dick, just slimmer. 

“This one's my favorite,” she smiled and handed it to me. “It's waterproof too, so I can take a bath sometimes.” 

“What about the rest?” I asked and leaned over to look at the different variations, but she closed the drawer before I could reach inside. 

“I don't use the rest much, they were more trial and error devices I guess,” y/n shrugged and sat down next to me. 

“Maybe we can still find some use for them,” I whispered and held the soft silicone device to her nipple before pushing the button to turn the toy on.

“God!” she yelped and jumped a little, but I held her in place, making her squirm under the pleasure the vibrations caused on her sensitive bud. 

“I want you to fuck yourself with this. I wanna know what you do to yourself when you think of me late at night,” I rasped into her ear before kissing her neck and holding onto the other side of it so she couldn't move away from me. 

“Lonely mornings and bored afternoons and so very horny nights with no one here to take care of me,” she moaned quietly as I set the intensity to the second level. 

“How many times do you make yourself cum, baby, tell me,” I rasped again, and she sighed, her hand coming up to grasp into my hair. 

“I lost count,” she answered, and I nipped at her neck. “Until the sheets are soaked. I only stop to clean up.” 

“You won't have to clean up this time, princess,” I whispered and pulled her earlobe between my teeth. 

“I won't stop until you tell me to?” she asked, a bit raspy, and I nodded, my nose brushing over her ear. 

“No stopping until I say so,” I repeated, and she took the vibrator from my hand. 

“There's lube on the bedside table,” she said, and I grasped for it, watching her put a miniscule amount of it on the tip of the toy before moving it down to her entrance and swiping over it once or twice to spread the product.

She turned her head to look at me, batting her eyes and biting her lip, a small gasp leaving her as she thrusted the device into herself for the first time. 

My thumb got caught on her bottom lip as I gazed into her glossy eyes, pulling it down before leaning in to kiss her, swallowing her moans as I did. 

“Now pretend like I'm not here, like I'm just in your head, darling,” I whispered and moved away to sit at the foot end of the bed. 

It was a show for a lifetime to see her make herself cum over and over again, moaning and squirming, throwing her legs up high one moment, and closing them harshly around her own wrist as she kept fucking herself, in the other. She was squirting so much that I feared we would need to buy a whole new mattress once I was done with her. 

And there she was, her legs propped up and the toy slipping from her fingers, drenched in her juices, and it was impossible to hold out any longer. 

With a quick move, I pushed myself between her legs, holding her hand fast on the toy that still remained inside her pussy. 

“You think you'll manage two?” I asked with a smirk, grabbing for the lube that was still lying next to her. 

Tears had started to stream out of her eyes at the overwhelming pleasure she had already brought herself, but her eyes were filled with an intriguing confusion. “What?” 

“I'm gonna fuck you while this pretty thing stays inside you,” I hushed and covered my dick in lube. It was a stupid idea, but I had always wanted to try it, and I certainly wouldn't share her with anyone else. No chance. 

“What if-” 

“That's what save words are for, cupcake,” I hushed against her lips before kissing her. “Just relax, baby. It's all gonna be fine,” I tried to calm her down as I lined myself up, the tiny vibrations of the toy against my tip were already overwhelming me a little, so I decided to turn it off until I had managed to fill her out. 

“Ready?” I asked, and y/n gave me a nod and a hushed yes, making me smile proudly. 

She started gasping and cursing me out the farther I pushed in, but she never once mentioned the safe word, so I kept going, slowly and carefully to not hurt her too much. 

“You're doing so great, baby,” I praised her, and she swatted at me in response.

“You have- Fucking hell, JJ! Such a stupid- God! Very stupid idea,” she cursed me out while moaning. 

"Want me to stop?” I lifted my eyebrow at her and gave her a lopsided grin.

“Don't you fucking dare stop,” she gasped, and I pushed in a bit farther. 

“Just a few more, princess. Fuck, you're so tight, baby,” I moaned. Maybe it was a bad idea to try this before actually fucking her like I had planned to, but my plans never worked out like I wished them. I hadn't been inside her since she had left for college a few months ago, and this was worse than anything I had ever imagined. 

“J, ‘s too much, please,” she begged, black mascara filled tears staining her cheeks. 

“Nearly there,” I mumbled, right before groaning louder than I thought possible while bottoming out. “Shit, this is tight. God, I love you.” 

“What now?” she whispered, and I leaned in to kiss her, the slight shift made her moan instantly.

“Now, I'll turn this pretty thing back on, and then I'm going to fuck you like never before,” I rasped, and she kissed me with even more passion than before, pulling on my hair and forcing her tongue into my mouth. 

As soon as the vibrations started, I felt like I was about to explode. The tip of the toy was nudging against my own and I lost all control over my body. I came with a loud groan and y/n took the advantage of my ineptitude and started to slowly pull the device out, just a little before forcefully ramming it back inside, making both of us scream. 

“Wanna kill me?” I asked jokingly, and she smirked through tired, glassy eyes. 

“You started this, I'm ending it,” she hushed and kept thrusting the device in between us. I could barely manage to hold myself up over her and not cum every time the toy pushed against my cock, which was made worse because she kept intensifying the vibrations until I came again, biting down on her shoulder, so I didn't wake all of New York by screaming her name. 

“Kiwi,” I breathed heavily, and she immediately turned off the vibrator and slowly pulled it out, laying it onto the mattress right next to our hips. 

“I won,” she whispered in my ear with a light giggle. 

“Next time, I'll be more prepared for it,” I breathed heavily, and she pulled my face towards hers, brushing some of my sweaty strands from my face. 

“Next time we'll use a better toy for it,” she whispered against my lips before kissing me harshly, and clenching around my semi-hard that was still nestled inside her. 

“Not done yet?” I asked with a smile, and she shook her head while biting her lip. 

“You promised.” Her hand traveled down between us until she reached my balls, gently rolling them in between her pretty fingers while I became an even worse babbling mess than just five minutes earlier. “Please, JJ,” she begged, and there was no way of denying her. 

I fucked her slow, never letting my eyes leave her own, sharing whispered musings and loving confessions. If there had ever been a place I called home, it could always be found in her; in the way she looked at me, or how she smiled, or the way she never questioned the importance of my interests and actions, but most of all it could be found in the way she had made me love slow, sensual sex more than anything else we ever tried. In the end, we would always go back to it because it was such a clear contrast to our daily life, and it was so much more than just calming and fulfilling; it was pure love like I had never experienced it before she came along. 

“I love you so fucking much,” I whispered and let my forehead fall back to hers after brushing through her hair. 

“I love fucking you so much, too,” she giggled, and I thrusted a bit harsher at her words. “Oh God!” she gasped and dug her fingernails into my shoulders. “Make me cum, JJ, please.” 

So, I fucked her harsher, still painfully slow but with more purpose, nudging at her cervix until she was screaming again, and then I watched her lose herself, and she drifted away a bit, her eyes went blank for just a moment until I connected my lips to hers, and she came back to me just as I filled her up and pushed my cum deeper into her for what felt like the millionth time that my night. 

“Thank you,” she panted and slung her arms around me a bit tighter before drifting off to sleep, and I didn't complain about it as I was rather tired myself.

We would get cleaned up the next morning, it wasn't that big of a deal and I really didn't like the idea of having to leave her as she was still fully wrapped around me. 

I woke up from the early morning sun shining through the half opened blinds, illuminating her perfect body that was curled up next to me. I sat up, planting my feet into the mattress and leaning my head on my knees as I watched her. Steady breaths that lifted her chest and belly, the glistening skin and smudged make-up from the night before, hair messy and lips slightly parted as small inaudible mumbles left her throat. 

I wanted to touch her, to kiss her and feel her body against mine just like I had all night long, but I refrained from it. She needed her sleep, and I wasn't going to steal more of it than I already had. 

On soft soles, I got up, pulled a fresh pair of boxers out of my backpack and made my way to the bathroom. It was 7am on a Saturday after a night of partying. I was the only one awake. 

After a quick shower, I made my way downstairs to the kitchen. Luckily the house wasn't as much of a mess as I had expected, so I started to clean up a little, just enough to make a good impression. 

When the trash was dealt with, I got to cleaning some of the dishes, because I needed something to eat out of, not because I was prone to doing the dishes. 

With a bowl of cereal in my hand, I leaned back against the counter, eating and wondering who these people were that y/n had chosen to live with. 

“Food only for residents,” someone yawned close by, and I looked up to see the dark haired girl from last night, Lou, in a crop top and boxer short sleep combo. 

“Good morning to you too,” I rolled my eyes and went back to eating in peace. 

“It's not. I couldn't sleep. You were loud,” she complained, and I huffed, but I didn't reply anything. 

“Isn't this a beautiful morning?” A girl I hadn't yet seen came in from the back door. She was wearing a full set of sports clothes and her light brown hair was fixed in a strong ponytail. “Oh, who's that?” she asked Lou. 

“Tess, asshole. Asshole, Theresa,” Lou replied in a monotonously annoyed voice. 

“JJ,” I said, and suddenly both their heads perked up. “What?” 

“Nothing,” Theresa squeaked and blushed. 

“I don't know why the fuck she even lives with you guys,” I mumbled to myself, but I wanted them to hear it and get annoyed. I didn't like not knowing what they knew about me, what y/n had told them, and I especially didn't like that they knew my name but hadn't known that I was her boyfriend. 

Half an hour later, the kitchen was filled by five girls and me. They had each introduced themselves politely, and each one had made a similarly high-pitched sound when I introduced myself. The eerie feeling in my gut wouldn't go away until someone might finally decide to fess up. 

The elvish girl from the night before was called Bella, and Louisa, aka Lou, was her girlfriend. And that was more shocking to me than the fact that they all looked at me like I was a ghost. 

Rebekah was just as tall as Louisa, but slimmer and with more hair, dyed red in her case. And Cara was British, and two whole heads smaller than me, which made talking to her a bit uncomfortable for the both of us, but we managed. 

None of them seemed to mind much that I had nothing but underwear on, but it became apparent that all of them had bore witness to how y/n, and I had spent the night. Even more so when she came into the kitchen, dragging her feet and heading straight for my chest. 

“Good morning, princess,” I smiled at her as her arms closed around me, and she planted a few kisses on my chest before laying her head against my shoulder. 

“Morning, dumbass,” she mumbled, and I held onto her, not planning on letting go anytime soon. 

“You look like shit,” Lou said, but there was a small laugh hanging in the air after the words had left her, and as soon as y/n had flipped her off, the laughter tumbled out quickly and quietly.

“Tired,” y/n muttered, and I let my hand run over her back. The black shirt of mine was loose on her body and I couldn't wait to wear it again just to bathe in her scent. 

“This was what the best sex of your life sounds like?” Rebekah asked, and y/n tensed around me. 

I took her chin in my hand and lifted her head to look at me. “The best one? Really?” 

“Who else would it be?” she whispered, and I leaned down to kiss her as softly as I could to not hurt her swollen lips anymore. She hadn't even thought about getting cleaned up at all. She looked just like she had when I had awoken two hours ago.

“Tuna and the secrets. Could be a quiz show,” Bella giggled and brought us both back to reality.

“Yeah, Tuna?” I looked at y/n and she rolled her eyes. 

“I just left out some minor details. It's not that bad,” she argued.

“Minor details being that you do have a boyfriend, and he didn't know you didn't tell us, and he's also very pissy,” Louisa countered. 

“I'm not pissy,” I complained, and y/n raised her eyebrow at me. “All right, I am, but you can't fucking blame me. You were the one to not tell them about us, and the only reason I got inside was because I had to force myself in after watching you grind up to some asshole.”

She let go of me and stepped back, her angry eyes locked down on me, but I didn't really care. If a fight was what it took, then I would have to take it. 

“I was not grinding up to anyone,” she hissed. 

“That's the part you are focusing on?” I huffed. “I saw you do it, don't fucking start and tell me I'm wrong when I know what I saw!” 

“That's exactly it. You're so fucking jealous all the time. Oh, the cashier smiled at me? The guy in the diner looked at me for two seconds too long? Get a grip, JJ!” she yelled at me. 

“That one didn't just smile, he wrote his number on the receipt while I was standing right next to you! And you don't even wanna know what the other one was doing, all right,” I snapped back and she laughed hysterically. 

“Why did you even come here if all you wanted to do was get your dick wet and yell at me?” she screamed, and a few tears fell down her cheeks, and I knew I had gone too far. I didn't know where or how, but it needed to stop. 

“Y/n/n,” I whispered and took a step over to her, but she backed away. 

“No,” she shook her head, but I took another step. 

“Papaya,” I whispered, and she stopped moving and let me hug her. Dumbest safe word ever, but it did the trick. 

“I love you, princess, and I missed you,” I whispered, and she looped her arms around me. 

“I love you too, pretty boy,” she replied just as quietly but pulled away a moment later. 

“That's not the only reason you came here, though. It's mid-season, on a good weekend, no storms coming in- Why are you here and not home?” she bludgeoned me. 

“Can I not keep a little secret to myself? I mean, you got some too,” I tried to get her to smile, but she didn't want to. 

“Low blow, dude,” Lou said from behind us, and I was reminded that all of this had been visible to them. All of it. 

“Don't comment on shit you got no clue about,” I turned a little to glare at her. 

“Don't talk to her like that, that's my best friend,” y/n snapped at me, and I had to laugh. 

“Oh, you gotta be kidding me. Is this it? The version of yourself you ‘hate’ so much?” I drew the quotation marks with a bit more gusto to underline how stupid she was acting. 

“There's no ‘versions’, there's just me,” my girlfriend countered and threw her hair to the side, and at that moment she reminded me of all the Kook chicks that I hated, the same ones she had hated with me. 

“Money changes people,” I said, and took for the stairs. I needed to leave. Coming here had been a mistake and a huge one at that because all I could feel was my chest getting tighter and tighter, something that hadn't happened in a long time when it came to y/n. 

“JJ, wait!” she yelled after me, her steps sounded heavy on the stairs, but I didn't turn around to look at her. I couldn't cave and forget all that I had just found out about her new little life in the city. 

“I'm leaving, I'll just stay in a hotel until I can go home.” I huffed and picked up the dirty clothes of mine that were scattered on her floor. 

“JJ, let me explain,” she begged while standing in the opened door. 

“No. You had months in which you could've explained it to me or to them. But you didn't. Instead, you lied. You lied about me, about the Pogues, and most of all about yourself,” I spat out and she winced. 

“Papaya,” she mumbled, but I shook my head. 

“No, not this time. The only way this is ending is if you let me leave right the fuck now, or if you finally tell me the truth.” I was almost begging her to tell me why she had done it, but she was stubborn, even more stubborn than me. 

“You got what you wanted then? A good fuck that'll last another few months? Is that it?” she sneered, and I scoffed and shrugged.

“Yeah, exactly, that's all I wanted. That's why I drove up here for hours on my own, because I needed to get my dick sucked by some bratty little-” I stopped her hand before it could land in my face, and she stared at me in shock. Verbal fighting was our thing, but we had never purposefully tried to physically hurt each other, so this was a first for both of us. 

“I'm sorry. I don't know what- why- I-” she started babbling and then crying and sobbing. 

“I just wanna know why you put up this fake whatever the fuck it is, because I really hate it. I know it's not you,” I whispered after pulling her into a hug. 

“I love you, I do,” she mumbled into me, but I couldn't say it back, not unless I knew what else she had lied about. 

“We should sit down,” I noted and pulled her towards the bed and made her sit down.

“What happened?” I whispered and brushed over her cheek so she would look at me. Her beautiful y/e/c eyes were filled with tears, and the day-old makeup was running down her cheeks. My eyes searched the room and landed on a pack of makeup wipes on her nightstand. With the wipes in my hand, I sat back down and started gently cleaning her up while she collected herself enough to be able to speak without breaking out into tears again. 

“I don't know. I wanted to be honest, but then- It's complicated,” she muttered. 

“I think I'll be able to follow, I'm smart, remember?” I whispered and she smiled a little. 

She spent the next half hour explaining to me how she had first lived with Louisa in a dorm and how they had both applied for the sorority and had managed to get in without many issues. How she was quick at making friends with the other four, and how good it felt to have real girl-friends that didn't judge her all the time because they didn't know every little dark secret. But that was where it ended with the truth. She had switched up quite a lot when it came to her backstory. 

For example, she had told them her mom was dead, not her dad, but that he was always on business trips and never home. And that I was her summer love, not her boyfriend of nearly three years. They knew about Kie, but not about the rest of the Crew. But they did know of her ex-girlfriend, all about her actually, more than I knew. 

“So, they don't know anything about what we went through? Nothing?” I asked for probably the millionth time, and she shook her head. 

“If I tell them that I lied, they'll hate me, J,” she whispered and started crying again. 

“Guess we have to take that risk, ‘cause I'm not going down there and pretend like I'm just your summer love, cupcake,” I smiled at her. 

“What about the rest?” she whispered. 

“Maybe you should mention your mom, in case she plans a surprise visit too, but other than that, I can hold up a lie,” I winked at her, and she threw herself into my arms.

“Thank you,” she squealed and started kissing me all over. 

“Princess, I have something else to say,” I managed to press out, and she lifted herself off me after having pushed me into the mattress. 

Her wide doe eyes would’ve made me cave, instantly, always, but this time I had already planned to tell her, so it didn't do much but make my dick twitch. 

“I’m not just here because I missed you. I'm also here because I'm picking up a bike, a new one,” I said and she bit her lip. 

“A pretty one?”

“And fast too,” I smirked, and she leaned down to kiss me again. “I have the rental out front if you wanna go for a ride.”

“I'm not even cleaned up yet, and I didn't have breakfast,” she mumbled and tipped her index finger against her cheek while pretending to think hard about the decision. “I think I have time.” 

“Oh, you think?” I gasped and turned us around and started tickling her a little until she screamed and squealed and laughed so much that I heard someone run up the stairs to see what was going on. 

“And here I thought he killed you,” Cara was standing in the doorway, leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed in front of her chest. 

“Yeah, as if I could ever lose you,” I mumbled and kissed y/n as passionately as I could. My hand that had been holding onto her cheek, slipped down to hold her neck, squeezing just enough for her to gasp a little. 

“I'm still here,” Cara reminded me of her existence, and I pulled out of the kiss while leaving a few dozen more pecks on y/n's soft lips. 

“J, please,” she whispered, and I let off completely, standing up and running my hand through my hair. I hadn't felt this all over the place ever since we had decided to settle down together. Ever since the treasure hunt had been finished. And I was sure she knew exactly what she was doing to me. 

“Cara, can you ask the others to meet me in the garden in an hour? I think I have some explaining to do,” y/n spoke softly, and Cara nodded before giving me another narrow eyed glare and then leaving just as fast as she had appeared.

“Okay, now I should really get ready,” y/n sighed, and I pulled her up and into my arms. 

“We had a fight,” I whispered with a smirk on my lips. 

“We did.” 

Perhaps my implication wasn't strong enough, so I cupped her cheeks and whispered, “maybe a part of me did come here solely to get my dick wet, but you're so good at that. The best, actually. Who could ever blame me, darling.” 

“Not me, not even a little. Just be upfront about it next time,” she stuck her tongue out at me and slipped away from me and towards the bathroom. 

The door wasn't locked. She was basically inviting me in. And as soon as I stepped inside and locked the door, I heard her groan. Deep and raspy, and it sent a jolt of desire through my body. 

“If you don't get in here- Oh god- I'll be done before you can start-” Her words were cut off by gasps and moans, and I had no other choice but to step into the huge shower. Maybe it was too much to ask of her to not play with me like she did- As if I actually ever would've said no to her, but I should at least keep up the facade. 

I watched as she played with herself, the strong water stream pointing straight at her clit, while her other hand was occupied with thrusting her pretty fingers into her perfect cunt. Her head was thrown back against the tile, mouth agape as she moaned through a smile and her eyes fixed on me. 

“So close,” she panted, and I stepped closer, taking the shower head from her hand and putting it away. The whimper that left her upon the sudden change and her glossy eyes made my dick even harder, if that was even possible by now. 

“You’ve been a real brat this morning, baby,” I rasped and pulled her hand from her pussy, sucking every single finger off individually until there was nothing of her arousal left on them. 

“You should put me in my place,” she whispered and looked at me with hopeful eyes. 

I twirled a wet curl of hers in between my fingers before tucking it behind her ear with a smile. “Oh, I plan on doing exactly that.” 

“Ahh!” she gasped loudly as I thrusted my middle and ring finger into her core, curling them just like she loved it. 

“That's it. I'm the only one who gets you to make all those pretty noises. Isn't that right, cupcake?” I asked as she dug her fingernails into my shoulder and biceps, trying to hold onto literally anything while I brought her to her orgasm. 

I slowed my movements after she still hadn't answered, and she whimpered in response.

“Please, JJ, so close,” she begged, but I shook my head, just to have her whine some more. 

“Gotta answer my question first, princess. Who's the only one for you? The best you ever had? Tell me!” I demanded, and she cried out my name as I thrusted my fingers harder into her seeping cunt. My thumb was caught on her clit, drawing harsh circles and making her twitch with it. 

She kept clenching around my fingers, refusing to let go. My lips connected to her neck and her hand went to my head almost instantly. Tugging on my hair as I kept kissing and licking her soft skin. 

“Don't you wanna cum for me? Make me proud, baby?” I whispered with a light growl swinging in my voice, and she moaned a little louder at it. 

Moving my fingers became increasingly more difficult with the hold she had on me while cumming, but I still pushed her through it until my whole hand was covered in her juices. 

Usually I would've helped her stay up and recollect herself, but I was too eager and it was still a punishment. 

“Kneel,” I ordered, and she followed on wobbly knees, holding onto my thighs as her head became level with my hard dick. 

I spread her cum over my cock with a few purposeful strokes, trying my best to not moan over what was to follow. 

“Open up and stick your tongue out,” I told her as she kept looking up at me with her doe eyes. And once her tongue lay flat, I placed my dick onto it, spraying my precum in her mouth and pulling away again to see her swallow it like it was the most normal thing to do. 

“I'm gonna fuck your throat now, princess, and I won't stop unless you use the safe word,” I told her, and she gave me a cocky smile. 

“Don't you mean safe slap?” 

“That just granted you another round of not being allowed to do anything but follow orders. You really into that shit, aren't you?” I huffed, but she didn't reply and simply opened her mouth for me. 

I started gentle, testing the waters because we hadn't done this in a long time and I needed to be sure that she was okay, but she kept on massaging my butt and swirling her tongue for me to indicate that she was more than okay with what was happening. Slow thrusts became harsher as I grew closer to my orgasm.

My eyes were fixed on her while my arm was propped up against the tile to make me not lose my stance in the process. And there was something to it. To seeing her completely at my mercy, tears staining her cheeks and saliva trickling down her chin, while her eyes were wide as she looked up at me. I was being rough, maybe a little too rough considering that she wanted to be able to talk later, but it was a punishment after all. Her mouth was warm and wet, and she looked like a goddess, moaning around my cock and trying not to gag too much as I kept pushing farther. Her tongue lapped at my tip, pressing against it every time I pulled back and then instantly giving me space again to thrust into her throat another time. Y/n’s lips were past swollen. They were red and strained, and I couldn't wait to kiss her and hear her tiny whine after. I thought about how I had to wash off the lipstick stain she had put on my cock the night before, and it made me jolt a little. Her nails dug into my ass, and it made me even more feral for her, nearly cumming already, but I restrained myself. 

“Want me to stop? Had enough?” I asked, and she moved her eyes from left to right, signaling a no. I knew she was as much into this as I was. Maybe it was even worse like this because she wasn't even the one receiving anything from it, not that I considered it an unfair deal, but at least when I got to eat her out I could do much more to her than she initially asked for, and she wasn't always capable of saying no to me. 

“You're so perfect. Fuck, princess-” Y/n managed to hollow her cheeks some more, putting so much pressure onto my cock that I had an even harder time pulling out, but the thrust in was like heaven and hell combined. She moaned around me, and I threw my head back, pushing my dick so far into her that I was scared she wouldn't be able to breathe. But before I could check on her well-being she started moving her head, taking me even faster than I had managed, and with a few more pumps I was shooting my cum into her, and she swallowed it all while gazing up at me. 

“Did I do good?” y/n whispered and gave me the most innocent look she had in herself while her hand held onto my cock, softly stroking it and hitting her lips with it. 

“Fucking gorgeous,” I panted and pulled her up to kiss her. “My perfect little cock slut,” I hushed against her lips, and she squirmed instantly. She was mewling, tiny delicious noises leaving her throat as I held onto it and forced my tongue into her mouth.

“Punish me, J,” she gasped, and I smirked before spinning her around, my hand still fast around her throat while the other slid down between her legs and toyed with her pulsating clit. She always got so riled up while sucking my dick that it was hard to not want to eat her out in return every single time. 

I took a step back and pulled her with me, her ass pressing harshly against my semi-hard dick. She seemed to notice it and started pushing against me even more. 

“Don’t,” I hissed, and she whimpered in response to my fingers closing a bit harsher around her throat. “For that, I won't let you cum,” I growled before letting go of her throat and pushing her down, so her head could lean against the tile. 

“‘m so sorry, J, won't do it again,” y/n cried softly and reached for my hand that was still between her legs. 

My eyes fell to her back for the first time since I had arrived, and I was surprised to see a tattoo adorning her spine. The fine lavender flower bloomed on her lower back, right in the center of it. 

“When did you get this, princess?” I asked while my index finger traced over the ink. 

“The first week I got here, Lou came with me, that's why I lied because I didn't know how to-” She started rambling, and I put my hand over her mouth. 

“Doesn't matter. All good now,” I whispered and leaned down to kiss her back right below where the stem of the flower started. 

“Do you like it?” y/n asked as if it wasn't already clear to her that I loved it, and had always loved the mere idea of it. 

“Fucking perfect, and the small bumblebee,” I kissed the small insect that was placed right next to a few leaves.  “Love you so fucking much,” I murmured against her skin. Then I pulled my head back up and pumped my dick a few times before lining myself up and slowly pushing into her, with a groan leaving both of us.

“I get to take you like this every time you act like a bitch towards me, but maybe that's just what you want,” I breathed heavily while she moaned and gasped in response to my heavy and fast thrusts. I hoped the running water was and had been enough to dampen all the pretty sounds she gave me, but I also didn't really care about it. If they had heard us last night, they might as well hear us now, was all I could actually think of. 

“So deep,” she moaned and pressed her cheek against the cold tile. 

“You feel so good, baby,” I grunted, slamming into her, causing her to yelp. The sounds she gave me filled the room just as much as my skin slapping against hers. It was hot and heavy, and I was so close, but I knew I couldn't hold up my promise. I knew I wouldn't be able to go on with the day if I didn't let her cum. 

My hand found her neck again, and I pulled her up, flush against my chest. I started nibbling on her earlobe while my other hand was putting some more pressure on her clit until she screamed and begged. 

“It's okay,” I whispered into her ear. “You can let go now, my love. I want you to soak me, baby.”

And her orgasm hit me like a ton of bricks. It felt like she was trying to rip my dick off, that's how hard she came, and I couldn't move anymore, not until she was done. 

“Y/n/n- Fuck- Relax, princess,” I cursed, and she slumped in my arms, her cunt lost the grip it had on me and I managed to keep on fucking into her until I finished. But I didn't grant her the satisfaction of feeling me cum inside her, instead I pulled out just in the right moment to spray my seed all over her back, especially on the new tattoo. 

“That's how it's supposed to look like,” I grinned and let my hands run over her perfect perky tits, and she just nodded, completely exhausted by all of it. 

“Can I turn around?” y/n mumbled, and I spun her around and wrapped my arms around her back. 

“You good?” 

“That was a whole lot for how long you've been here,” she giggled lightly, and I let my forehead fall to hers, smiling at her. 

“Have to hold up the good reputation,” I hushed, and her lips got caught on my own, chasing them in a hot and mind-boggling kiss. 

please don't copy and/or post my work onto other platforms! ~e©ho

taglist: @redhead1180 @spideysimpossiblegirl @drwstarkeyy @princessmaybank @ijustwantttoread @kys4-20 @immyowndefender @julczimozart @m2m2m2 @mochimms

[nevermeyers]

All CB4 character info

» info could be updated or corrected in the future

More info!

Takeomi

Failure story: I was their father figure. My father was busy because we are a motherless family. I was strict with Haruchiyo because he's a man. He cut my face with a knife one day and left the house. He's a hell of a fucking brother. I vowed that one day I would let Senju punish him.

Favorite place: the first black dragon hideout

Wakasa

Failure story: I drank until morning in Shinjuku, lost my memory, and found myself sleeping on the yellow Braille blocks at Hachioji station, trying not to stick out from the top of the blocks.

A day on his life: I had a one-week holiday, so I went on a quick trolling trip to Okinawa.

I wanted to enjoy fishing alone, but Takeomi and Benkei came along. The aim this time was yellowfin tuna. Takeomi got tired of not being able to catch anything after 3 hours on the boat and said he wanted to go home, while Benkei was seasick and exhausted. I knew I shouldn't have brought them along.

Senju

Failure story: I found a girl being bullied by a kid in the park, so I kicked him from behind and saved her. But they were Baji and Emma just practicing karate. Sorry about that time, Baji.

Favorite place: amusement park

Kisaki

A day on his life: Hanma came to visit me with Momotetsu (game) and said, "I wanna go around Japan." We bought some snacks and juice at a convenience store and started playing it. He was so annoying that he kept putting King Bomby on me. After playing for a while, "Hey, Hanma. Momotetsu is boring with just the two of us. Call someone here.”

"How dull, you should call someone, I don't have any friends.”

“I don’t too, idiot!”

"I’m starting to cry."

Benkei

Failure story: Whenever I go out for a drink with Waka after a workout at the gym, Senju always comes along. She and I always start arguing about who is stronger, Inoki or Baba. when Waka gets drunk, he imitates Tiger Jet Singh by using a skewer as a saber. I really hate him at this point.

A day on his life: The gym is closed today. Takeomi persistently invited me out for a drink. I usually don’t go, but we went to an izakaya together. His drinking is long. At first it's fun, but as we get deeper into it, he starts to brag.

He talks about the Brahman Senju created as if he created it. He has always been like that. I remember he used to brag about Shinichiro's achievements as if he himself had done them. Shinichiro liked him including such a bad part of him.

Favorite place: gojo gym

South

Failure story: When I beat Kakucho, his heart was empty. I wanted to fight him when he was called brawler

Ranking of people I felt strong in fights

1. Sano Manjiro(no doubt)

2. Draken

3. Kakucho

4. Senju

I wanna play(fight) with Izana and Taiju!

Favorite place: tokyo when it's snowing

source

[yeastinfectionvale]

The boat rocked gently, waves pushing it side to side.

Casey looked at the man sunbathing on his left. Enea lay on a towel, blissfully unaware of Casey's gaze. He didn't usually go for Italians, his history with them being more trouble than it's worth.

He also didn't go for men.

But Enea, he was something else. He was the feeling of warmth, tangible under Casey's fingers. He was a reminder that not everything had to be fought, instead something's were worth fighting for. So here he was, on a boat off the coast of Australia with his Italian lover. A boat trip they both looked forward to, a long list of fish they could catch together.

Casey lay down on his side, fingertips drumming against his mouth as he watched Enea stretch. He let his eyes wonder over his tanned chest, his strong thighs and shorts that covered barely anything. They were out far enough that nobody could see their boat. Just enough privacy without the fear of being lost at sea.

"Are you going to stare or come lie down with me?" Enea said, eyes still closed. Casey huffed half a chuckle, tossing his hat off his head as he strode over. Enea lay with an arm over his eyes and the other flat against the boat, open for Casey to lay his head on. Casey complied, a million thoughts flying through his head, all of them consisting on Enea beneath him panting his name. "What fish do you think we could have caught if we had poles?" Enea asked, moving his head so his nose rested against his lover's.

Casey's mind blanked, the blood from his brain rushing down to his second head. "We forgot the poles?" Enea laughed, pressing a kiss to Casey's cheekbone. "We forgot the poles, most of the food we packed and only have one towel." Casey shuffled to straddle Enea, his face tucked into the crook of his neck, "well let me make it up to you."

The waves lapped against the boat as Casey held his wrists in his hands, mouth pressed flush against Enea's warm skin. "You can catch a few different types of fish here." He said, mouth moving back on Enea's neck, leaving a bruised splodge. He dragged his lips down, pulling a whine from Enea.

"Breem." Casey said, sucking on Enea's collarbone.

"Snapper," he said into the dip of his pecs.

"Trout," Enea arched his back as Casey let go of his hands to hold his waist.

"Tuna," Casey's upper teeth tuck beneath Enea's shorts, pulling on them.

He didn't move, just looking up with his shorts between his teeth. "Do you want to hear the other fish?" Casey asked, thumbs dipping under his waistband. Enea gasped as Casey pulled his shorts down and off. "Fuck the fish," Enea said, hands in Casey's hair. "Didn't know I was named fish now." Casey said, nose tucked against the base of Enea's dick. Enea shook his head with a smile, his laugh cut short into a wobbly sigh.

He didn't take his time, spinning Enea's moan and whines into pleads. Not today, not when the sun was shining down. Not when Enea was under his fingertips, patiently waiting. There was time for that later but now, now was the time Casey wanted nothing but his pleasure. He pumped Enea, sucking on the skin where his hip connected to his thigh. Casey listened to the sharp gasps as he pressed his tongue flat against the vein on the underside of Enea's cock. He trailed up, resting his lips around his head.

Enea bucked up, back arched and off the towel as Casey tucked his hands onto his butt, pulling him back down. He dragged his hand from beneath him, resting on his hip. "Let me take care of you." Casey whispered gently, taking Enea filling into his mouth as he began to bob his head. "Oh fuck. Casey oh." Enea began, the words quickly flowing out of him. He pressed his head down, turning to the side as his head began to spin. Enea became louder, jaw slack as he pleaded and moaned, squirming under Casey as he came down his throat.

Casey swallowed, resting back on his knees as his own boner was making itself known. Enea lay still, eyes closed as small tears dotted his lashes. Casey grabbed his phone, taking a quick picture before laying down next to Enea. They both turned onto their sides, one on Casey's legs resting on Enea's thighs. Enea snaked a hand down, palm resting pressed against his balls. "What other fish can we catch?" He asked, biting softly on his earlobe. Casey hummed, thinking as Enea dragged his fingertips up.

"Mackerel is pretty common," Casey said as Enea wrapped his hand around his length. "There's Saratoga," Enea flicked his wrist faster, pressing his lips against Casey's. As he moved his hand faster, Casey groaned, Enea slipping his tongue into his open mouth. He tasted himself on his tongue, on the side of Casey's mouth and on the roof. A cloud blocked the sun, Casey's eyes screwed shut as he came, cum splattering over both their stomachs and Enea's hand.

They lay in silence, Casey pulling Enea closer, their breaths in sync as the sun came out, bathing them both in light.

[imustbenuts]

Actually I think I sent Lumera twice one of those was supposed to be Sombron

this is ez

so, you know how sombron has his domain both above ground and then deep underwater in the ocean for like 1000 years

this means sombron is a deep fish sea creature which happens to be absurdly big and pathetic and a bit alien. so probably something like a tuna crossed with an octopus from space with a crazy strong reproduction track record.

BUT hes carrying an expired milk and a carton of cigarettes with all his kids left in the cars in a carpark outside of some supermarket. and when upon questioned, he says he wants to fuck off into some foreign country and find the twin of his old bestie from elementary school bc he peaked there. not even high school.

and he doesnt even have the decency to wear any shirt.

in short, he probably tastes awful. cant even say thank you for the meal before meal or give an amen bc he genuinely inedible and theres no way to respectfully serve him in a way that does him any love or justice.

because cooking food properly is a form of RESPECT for what we are about to eat!

this guy doesnt even have a proper ethos i respect!!

my prep for him is to put on the disguise of his old friend, get a voice changer, contact him on his burner phone and lure him to a secluded place out of sight. next ill smash a beer bottle on his head, give him a nice little chokehold, then slap him with the force of a thousand kids, and drag his body and bury it under a farm as fertilizer. return him to earth. force him to be part of the world and cycle.

Namu Amida Butsu. 🙏

[the-trinket-witch]

Cottage core asks: every third one?

(Cottage Core Ask) Cause ya didn't specify which characters you wanted...Ya get'em all.

Pond: can they swim? What’s their favorite water activity (swimming, fishing, boating, etc)?

Albert: Yes-he is more of a 'float along the surface and get dragged under to bump unfortunates with one of his eel boyfriends' type

Yuu: They can dogpaddle, but their favorite activity is...was fishing with their late abuelo.

Tidus: He's a merman...I'd hope to fuck so XD He loves swimming, but he is enamored with the concept of boating

Laz: He does not, actually.

The Janitor: They have no experience, but being an animated plastic skeleton model, They are surprisingly buoyant.

Aadesh: He can, but doesn't have a preference one way or another as far as activities. Has been on Mr. Khan's private yacht once or twice.

Queen Anne’s Lace: do they have any good luck charms?

Albert: He doesn't carry any, but he has some mementos left at home.

Yuu: They wear a cross as a gift their parents had gifted for their confirmation into the Catholic Church.

Tidus: I am gonna say no, currently. May go back on this later.

Laz: His Family's Guitar. Passed down to the oldest sibling in the youngest generation, it serves as both a symbol to remember the past, but also a reminder that luck can turn around when you least expect.

The Janitor: They don't have so much a lucky charm as a magicless pen only good for writing. It helps them feel included.

Aadesh: Why bother with luck when you are always 2 steps ahead of everyone around you?

Banana bread: how patient are they? Do they do well with waiting for something to be done?

Albert: They are almost infinitely patient.

Yuu: They are...much less so. They can be short when their patience is wearing thin

Tidus: His patience is relatively high-he has to because the only time he's lost his patience made him realize how strong he physically was.

Laz: He's rather average, patience-wise. He of course finds it annoying when being interrupted in making his music.

The Janitor: They have relatively low patience, but the most they do is quietly seeth when being made to wait.

Aadesh: Patience of a saint, which is ironic. He can wait as long as needed for something to bear fruit.

Teapot: how do they relax after a long day?

Albert: They prefer Cleaning to relax, along with having some tea. Even just sitting in front of the fireplace with a cuppa is fine.

Yuu: They like cooking to get their mind off of the day

Tidus: Most of the time he likes just going out for a swim, or reading more on human culture and sketching it down in his notebooks.

Laz: Just listening to music, playing music, anything music related he can dive into is his way to unwind

The Janitor: There isn't much need for rest or sleep for Them. So this is kind of a boring answer but nothing?

Aadesh: He usually is at the gym at the end of his busy day.

Apron: are they a good cook?

Albert: Very-He likes to pride himself in being able to cook for his dorm. Necessity is the mother of invention, and this has led to him being a wiz at making dishes incorporating tuna.

Yuu: They can cook about as well as most teens can. They don't care about making anything Michelin-star, but they know how to make some big-batch food that keeps very well in the fridge.

Tidus: Rather good-He is another mainline cook for the Monstro Lounge. Though, he wants to get better at making Human dishes.

Laz: His most proud dish his pan de muerto, which he's got just the touch to make the perfect batch.

The Janitor: They do not eat. Nor are they required to work the cafeteria. Sadly they also don't make a very good taste tester for Sam or any other big cooks on campus.

Aadesh: His cooking skills only really extend to a bachelor's palate, just simple foods to satisfy hunger between work.

Fireplace: do they prefer to wear plenty of warm clothes or wear less clothing and warm up under a blanket?

Albert: He's a Wool AND Blanket guy. Not that he gets cold easily, he just likes the additional weight around him.

Yuu: They're the type to wear minimal under the thickest blanket and wear it around the dorm like a cloak. It's fun, okay?

Tidus: He doesn't ever really get cold, so he's kind of the opposite. He's quick to shed layers especially in dorms like Scarabia.

Laz: He 100% has one of those plush throw blankets with tigers printed on it.

The Janitor: No skin, no muscles, They don't have a concept of cold.

Aadesh: Being cold blooded, it's one of his only real weaknesses. He needs layers, and his bachelor sofa is more or less the Blanket Burial Ground, for him to nest in when it gets cold.

[megacross-ground-zero-rated-r]

*Wakes up at 10 AM.*

"I'll start cooking right away to get it done quick!"

*Stumbles out of the kitchen five hours later covered in flour.*

That's a triple batch of panfried, yeasted flatbreads, a double of Pancakes with turmeric and curry powder for that beautiful yellow, some tuna-white bean salad spread for tuna melts, a single of cookie dough... That I decided to melt the chocolate into for some reason. It's good as part of an ice cream sundae, which is the intended use. And a shrimp and fish puttanesca style sauce over rice.

I used a whole, straight can of Tomato Paste thinned with smoked fish stock, I also boiled the shrimp shells in a separate pan and put the liquid in instead of frying them, then having to pick the shells out. It tasted way too condensed and artificial last night but sitting overnight let all the strong flavors marry really well.

Cooking takes me a long time 'cause a lot of it is improv. I wasn't planning on building a Puttanesca but my basil was going, I needed a topping for some rice I couldn't use for rice balls, and my frozen shrimp were past their use by date, so.

No smut this weekend.

When I wasn't busting my ass cooking or doing dishes I started a Pokémon Gold file with Cyndaquil, Pidgey, Sentret, Spinarak, Geodude, and Bellsprout. I know Rattata can be a beast but I wanna see how Sentret does. And I've raised too many fucking Caterpie, give my the spider instead. I wanted Ghastly but nobody's at the right level with the right moves to catch the ones in Sprout Tower. I have Silver on the same emulator so I might do a parallel run with Totodile.

[queennicoleinboots]

Mourning Again

Captain Joebearcow and I were delivering a meal kit to a random person when he received a text message from his sweet cousin, Sarah. It read:

"Hey Joebear. It's me, Sarah. I have some terrible news. Please call me as soon as possible."

"Always something," Captain Joebearcow said. Then he did a great impression of his Mama Bear. "If it's not one thing, it's another."

I laughed.

We arrived at the dock of the random person. I dropped the meal kit off at the lighthouse and took a picture. Then I got back on Francesca, our new and improved sailboat.

"Hey what's going on, Sarah?!" Captain Joebearcow yelled in his strong voice over the phone.

"I... Uh... Have something to Uhhh... Tell you... It's..." Sarah said sadly over the phone as Captain Joebearcow drove the boat on Baseline River. We were now stationed at the Gulf of Gilbert.

"Sarah? What's wrong?" Captain Joebearcow asked.

"Angelina..." Sarah started to say as she was choking on her own tears. Angelina was Captain Joebearcow's much older sister.

"What happened, Sarah?" Captain Joebearcow asked.

Sarah was hyperventilating and sighing as she was trying to breathe. She couldn't talk out of sadness. Her mind was too heavy to form words. She sounded like literally cracking in pieces.

"Sarah ummm... What's going on with Angelina...?" Captain Joebearcow asked as concern saturated his voice.

"Angelina... is dead," she said as she choked on her own words.

"Oh shit! I'm sorry," Captain Joebearcow said. Angelina was a pirate on the high seas out in the Pacific Ocean. She was known as the Black Beauty of the Sea. She was a Captain in her day. Captain Joebearcow was slightly afraid of her. To tell the truth, he was surprised that Captain Angelina lasted that long on the seas.

I felt a wave of sadness hit Francesca.

Sarah sighed. "Yeah, me, too," she said as her breath was heavy out of her throat.

"Whoa whoa whoa! What happened?" he asked.

"Apparently, she had gotten THE JAB," Sarah answered dramatically. Sarah also avoided the jab like the Plague. She was a kindred spirit. Captain Joebearcow considers her a sister.

"Yeah, fuck modern medicine. It's nothing but trouble!" Captain Joebearcow yelled with a growl. He slammed the steering wheel with his fists.

"Yeah. Very true. Why she was jabbed twice is beyond me," Sarah said.

"I don't know. It was just stupid. I honestly don't understand what was going through her head when she was jabbed," Captain Joebearcow said as he threw his right paw to one side.

"I don't know, either, Joebear," Sarah said softly.

"Where will the funeral be held?" he asked.

"Either in Ohio, Arroz, or Neverland," Sarah said. "Uncle Ricardo is supposed to arrange it, but we have no idea who is paying for it. I'm broke."

"So are we. I'm going to go make some fish to deal with the news," Captain Joebearcow said.

"Yeah. That is a good idea," Sarah said absent-mindedly.

Captain Joebearcow and Sarah were both black bears. They were trying to distract themselves by thinking about food. None of them spoke for a good minute and a half.

"Do you need to stay on the phone?" he asked.

"No. You go make fish, and I am going to go into the kitchen and make myself some albacore tuna," Sarah said in a voice that sounded like she was a ghost from Christmas past.

"Are you sure?!" Joebear asked as concern shouted in his voice.

"Yes. I'll be fine," Sarah said. Yeah right! Her cousin just passed away. How the actual fuck could she be fine?!

"All right. I'm sorry, Sarah. This sucks," Captain Joebearcow said. "Love you."

"Love you, too, Joebear," Sarah said weakly.

There was a pause on the line before it disconnected. Captain Joebearcow drove, but he wasn't paying attention. He stared ahead and was on autopilot.

And... then the phone rang. A random number called.

Captain Joebearcow answered, "Hello?"

"Hello, brother Joebear. I just wanted to say goodbye. I'm proud of you," a woman said. A dog barked in the background.

"Angelina?! How did you get my number? Are you still alive after all?!" Captain Joebearcow shouted.

"I used your seaside delivery number, you dumbass bear. Haha. And no, I'm not alive. I am a spirit. My dog Miracle barks a hello," Angelina said.

"Oh. Um..... Is Miracle still alive?" Captain Joebearcow asked.

"Yes. He is on his way to see you. In my will, I gave him to you," Angelina said.

"Me?! Why me?! I saw you only like ten times ever!" Captain Joebearcow shouted.

"You're the best of the brothers clearly, and the most adorable," Angelina said with a chuckle.

"Well... ummm... Thanks. I feel honored?" Captain Joebearcow raised his eyebrow at the phone.

"Look. I don't have much time, so before I pass into the after life, I wanted to tell you how much I love you, Joebearcow. Tell your wife I say hi," Angelina said.

"Oh. Nice to meet you, Angelina," I said.

"I'm dead, you dumb bitch. You can't meet me. But if I were alive, it would have been nice to meet you. Goodbye Joebear. Goodbye Nicole," Angelina said.

"Goodbye..." Captain Joebearcow said as tears flooded his eyes.

"I'm seeing spirits around me..." Angelina whispered.

Captain Joebearcow drove, and we both started sobbing. My mind wasn't registering anything around me.

---------------------------------------------------------

"Oh Em Gee! That's sad! That's terrible! I'm sorry to hear that. We must schedule a Zoom Call about this!" King Bruce Ice shouted over the phone as I heard him slam his fist. He growled like the brown bear he was.

Captain Joebearcow growled in response as he heard the bear growl.

"I agree! Should I schedule the call or you?" I asked.

"I'm up to my ears in work. Can you do it? Invite all the beeeeearrrrrrs!" King Bruce Ice yelled. He growled "beeeeearrrrrrs."

"Even the gray bears?!" I asked.

"Yes even the gray bears! Invite Count Vanilla Manilla!" King Bruce Ice yelled. He sang a song of growls.

Captain Joebearcow sang in harmony with the growls. Bae Whuhhhhhh!!!!

"Bae Whuhhhhhhhh!!!!!" I sang before I spoke again, "Yes. I would love to hear the wisdom of Count Vanilla Manilla."

"Then invite him to the Zoom Call! And convince him to sing at the reception!" King Bruce Ice spoke with vigor.

"Will do!" I shouted as I opened up Zoom. My father knows how to handle Zoom better than I do.

"Put me on speaker. I need to practice the opening song for the meeting," King Bruce Ice said.

"You're already on speaker, King Bruce Ice. Sing!" I commanded.

"Please please please sing a song of commemoration!!!!" King Bruce Ice sang.

"Please please please sing a song of inspiration!!!" Queen Megara Ice and the Ice Princesses sang. King Bruce and Queen Megara Ice had four daughters.

Duke the Ace of Dodging and Riley the Ace of Riddling howled. Duke the Ace of Dodging was a pitbull mix. Riley the Ace of Riddling was a purebred Black Labrador.

"Please please please sing a song of retribution!" Captain Joebearcow sang loudly.

"Retribution!" We all sang.

"We need a meeting!!!!!" King Bruce Ice sang.

"We need a meeting!!!!" Queen Megara Ice and the Ice Princesses sang.

"Are you sure?" Captain Joebearcow asked. "My family is holding a funeral for her at some point."

"Yyyyyyyyeeeesssssss!!!!" the royal Ice family sang.

"Dude, couldn't we just call the Sexually-Frustrated Kool-Aid Man and ask him to pay for Angelina's funeral?" I asked. "We're mother-fucking broke."

"Yes. That's another reason for the meeting," King Bruce Ice sang.

"Really? Wouldn't a family member be responsible for paying for it?" Queen Megara Ice asked.

"I just got an update from my uncle Ricardo that my young cousin, Terry, and he are coordinating the funeral arrangements. They don't exactly know WHO is paying for it still. They think it's going to be split, but we should still consult the Sexually-frustrated Kool-Aid Man about payment options," Captain Joebearcow said.

"So... how did she die?" Queen Megara lce shouted.

"Kryptonite by Three Doors Down," King Bruce Ice answered.

"Oh Shit! I'm glad I didn't get the boosters. I don't see how becoming a super heroine is worth it," Queen Megara Ice said.

"It isn't," Captain Joebearcow said. "Being an average Joe is much better. This is what happens when you have too much power."

Riley the Ace of Riddling barked. Duke the Ace of Dodging howled.

Captain Joebearcow growled.

"THE SEXUALLY-FRUSTRATED KOOL-AID MAN IS PAYING FOR THE FUNERAL, AND THAT'S THAT!" King Bruce Ice announced.

Holy Shit! King Bruce Ice has spoken!

[ground-zero-idiocies]

What the Fallout 4 Companions Teach at High School

twist on a classic post! just my opinions.

Cait: Physical Education. It lets her be insanely unhinged and keep a job.

Codsworth: Beginner Mathematics. Arithmetic, Pre-Algebra, and maybe Statistics. He loves his students, who are usually on the younger end (Grades 5, 6, and 7).

Curie: Biology, Chemistry, and Organic Chemistry. She’s a fantastic teacher, too. Always offers extra credit assignments.

Danse: Phys Ed, just like Cait. He’s a huge hardass though, and is a fucking nightmare for his students. Don’t miss a class.

Deacon: Drama!! He’s an amazing drama teacher too. Not enough money in the show’s budget? Sure, he’ll rob FBI headquarters for more!

Desdemona: She also teaches English, with an emphasis on the higher grades. Much like MacCready, she’s an almost absurdly harsh grader, but it’s all for her students’ betterment. And a college recommendation letter from her is unmatched.

Father: He teaches a course in psychology, and the course is ok. The source material is fascinating, but his lectures are often just insanely long ramblings of a nigh-insane old man.

Hancock: Chemistry. He’s an ok teacher, just fine. He wastes a ton of time talking about his Walter White days, but most of his students still pass the class with decent grades.

Gage: History. And he suuuuuuuuucks. No one is passing his class. 50 question true or false where every answer is true except for questions 8, 9, and 11? Absolutely. What a dick.

Jack Cabot: AP Chemistry and AP US history. He’s an expert in both and is an alright teacher, maybe slightly above average. His students usually don’t understand his 1800s slang though.

Longfellow: He’s that gruff history teacher who no one really loves but no one hates, either. He can be really weird and always smells like fish, but he’s an ok teacher. OR AT LEAST HE WOULD BE IF HE DIDN’T KEEP MICROWAVING TUNA SALAD IN THE TEACHER’S LOUNGE!!

MacCready: Woodshop. It’s not a graded class, but he’s hard on his students anyway. It’s not a Gage kind of hard though, he genuinely wants to see them succeed. Most of them end up pretty ok at woodworking by the end of the semester. And hey, he still has all 9 fingers!

Maxson: The bad Elder teaches US history because he refuses to pick up a book and read about any other country. Fuck him.

Nick Valentine: He would teach a Robotics class, obviously. In reality though, he would probably be Principle. He’s fair and just, but isn’t hesitant to suspend students who hurt other people. He’s generally well-liked though.

Piper: Ms. Wright is the school’s best English teacher. She only assigns good books to read, goes on impassioned rants that actually relate to the topic at hand (looking at you, Hancock) and never gives too much homework. She also runs the Journalism elective and works with Deacon on the plays in her spare time. Oh and she’s the one who keeps leaving those passive-aggressive post-it’s to Longfellow about the fish microwaving.

Preston: Mr. Garvey is a well sought-after teacher of civics and economics. He’s not the best in his department, but no one would bat an eye if yo said that he was your favorite teacher. He’s a kind man at heart and it shines through in his teaching.

Strong: Doesn’t work there anymore after kicking a kid in the ass when he fell in Dodgeball. His defense? “WEAK LITTLE MAN NO NEED LEGS.”

X6-88: Advanced (Insane) math. Calculus 2, AP trig, probably teaches grad student-level classes as definitely not mandatory for a decent grade electives. No one likes him, but he’s by far the most efficient teacher in the school, so he slides by. BUT HE’S A TOTAL BITCH. He doesn’t even eat fish, he’s allergic but he microwaves fish and blames it on Longfellow. Don’t get him wrong, Longfellow’s still responsible for like 70% of the fish incidents, but it’s not all him.

Moral of the story: STOP FUCKING MICROWAVING FISH IM GOING TO KILL YOU

[shemarmooresfedora]

Sugary Sweet Apologies

Summary: You and Reid never really got along but when he saves your life, you decide to be the bigger person and thank him and hopefully start over. Unfortunately, it isn’t that easy.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Content/Warnings: light to mild angst with fluffy ending, swearing, spencer reid being an annoying bitch, brief mentions of case stuff (if you watch cm, you should be fine)

A/N: this is for @willowrose99 ‘s 1 year anniversary on tumblr writing challenge!! congrats! i literally wrote and edited this whole thing in less than one day because i got so excited, anyways i hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 1.8k

“Reid and Y/L/N, go to David Whitney’s house. He was the therapist of two of the three victims. He could have some insight into the victimology and know of any overlap between them. He has no criminal record of past aggressive behavior but we can’t rule him out as a suspect entirely,” Hotch stated.

“Hotch, you stuck me with her yesterday for the geographical profiling. Send Prentiss with her instead,” Spencer whined.

“I don’t mind going with Y/L/N. She is a great partner in the field,” Emily glared at Spencer.

“No. Reid, go with Y/L/N or be taken off this case. I’m a unit chief, not an elementary school teacher. I don’t have time for temper tantrums,” Hotch chided.

“Fine,” Spencer grumbled as you grabbed the keys to an SUV.

You don’t know what it was but ever since you started at the BAU four months ago, Spencer had never liked you which resulted in you disliking him as well. Everyone else on the team was super friendly and welcoming but Reid always was jabbing snarky remarks your way like “I don’t have time to explain it to you” or “This was in the FBI handbook. God, you need more training.”

Luckily, the others were quick to defend you. Once Garcia even heard him snip at you over the phone and as soon as you all got off the elevator after the case, Reid was being dragged by his ear into Garcia’s lair with him going “ow ow ow” behind her. So, you didn’t really pay much mind to him because you could deal with one annoying know-it-all to have such an amazing job with great coworkers minus the one.

“Look, I’m not happy about this either,” you said as you climbed into the driver’s side of the SUV, “But at least I’m not being a whiny bitch about it and being rude to the other person’s face.”

“Oh wow, I’m so sorry that I hurt your feelings,” Spencer mocked.

“Fuck you, Reid,” you shook your head.

-

David Whitney was on edge the second you arrived and showed him your badges. He was bouncing his leg up and down, he couldn’t sit still, and he kept avoiding eye contact.

He knew way too much about the other victim that wasn’t even one of his clients but you didn’t have anything solid on him. His house seemed very neat so you doubted he kept anything incriminating here. Organized offenders usually have a secondary location. So, you decided to push his buttons a little.

“I mean blitz attacks, leaving the bodies on the side of dirt roads,” you combed through the crime scene photos, “This guy was a real coward.”

Spencer picked up on what you were trying to do and his eyes widened, he was subtly shaking his head and mouthing “no”.

“Excuse me?” David asked.

“Well, I’m just saying a real man wouldn’t cower in the bushes and blindside a woman. He must not be very strong,” you stated, “He probably can’t even get it up.”

Before you even had time to react, David pulled out a switchblade knife from inside the couch cushions and put you in a chokehold, pressing the cool metal up to your throat. You closed your eyes tightly.

“David, you don’t have to do this,” Spencer stood with his gun pointed at you both.

“This bitch insulted me,” he snarled.

“She insults me too. That doesn’t make you any less of a man,” Spencer spoke carefully, “Just put the knife down and I’ll escort you out.”

David sighed, dropping the knife to the floor and releasing you.

Spencer put David in handcuffs and walked him outside as reinforcements came running in.

“Are you okay, Y/L/N?” Hotch asked.

“Yep, a little shaken up but fine. Thank you,” you stood.

“Let’s get you to the medics,” Morgan grabbed your arm to support you as you walked over to the ambulance.

Spencer never checked on you.

-

You knew your decision in the field was a little rash and you wanted to thank Spencer for essentially saving your life.

However, there was no way in hell you could verbally get out an apology while staring at his smug face, but you could bake. You settled on a note tucked inside a tupperware container of your Grandma’s special recipe of chocolate chip cookies. It was a good peace offering, maybe even a chance to start fresh.

During your lunch break, you took the tupperware from your desk drawer and approached the break room where Reid had entered about 5 minutes ago.

“I’m just saying I could not have been more clear in my message to her that it was too dangerous but of course, Y/L/N didn’t listen cause Y/L/N is going to do whatever she feels like,” Spencer stirred his coffee.

No one had noticed you standing in the doorway yet.

“Reid, you’ve got to be nicer to her. She earned her spot here just like the rest of us,” Emily defended you.

“Did she though? How much do we really know about her? She couldn’t even tell me how many pages the FBI protocol manual was,” Spencer said.

“That’s not a normal thing people know,” Morgan retorted.

“Well, I’m just saying the team was perfectly fine before her and it would probably be better off if she left,” Reid finished.

Garcia looked up from her yogurt to see you standing there, “Oh, Y/N”.

Spencer turned around in his chair as you angrily stormed up to him.

“Here’s your cookies, asshole,” you seethed, grabbing the note from inside and crumpling it up into a little ball and tossing it into the trash.

“Y/N!” Emily called after you but you were already gone.

The whole team glared at Spencer and picked up their lunches, leaving him alone at the table.

Spencer retrieved the balled up paper from the trash, having to fish through Rossi’s week old pasta and Anderson’s half eaten tuna fish sandwich.

Dear Reid,

Thank you for saving my life, I guess. These are my Grandma’s secret recipe for chocolate chip cookies so I hope you enjoy. I think we got off on the wrong foot and I would like to start over. I think cases would be a lot less miserable for everyone if we got along.

Thanks again,

Y/L/N

Spencer, you’re such an idiot, he thought to himself.

You never came back after your lunch break ended and Derek made Spencer go tell Hotch why it’s his fault you were missing the rest of the day.

He tried to call you multiple times but they always rang out before going to voicemail.

Spencer hesitantly knocked on Penelope’s door at the end of the day.

“Is she okay?” he asked softly.

“You don’t get to ask that as the person who hurt her in the first place. Also, she told me to tell you that don’t you dare go to her apartment to ‘check on her’. I’m headed over there myself actually,” Penelope collected her things and shut off her monitors.

“Will you at least tell her I’m really sorry?” Spencer followed her to the elevator.

“Absolutely not. I’m not doing any apologizing on your behalf,” Penelope huffed as the elevators shut.

-

You came in the next morning, keeping your head down. You grabbed a pen from your cup holder and the first folder on your stack before getting to work.

You were on the second page of the file when your clean, empty tupperware was placed in front of you plus another baking dish with aluminum foil over the top.

You glanced up to see Spencer guiltily looking down at you and you returned your eyes back to the file.

“I-I made you cinnamon rolls,” Spencer broke the silence.

“Are they poisoned?” you asked, not sparing him another glance.

“No, they’re not poisoned,” he assured you.

“I’m just saying how can I trust you as you have made it very apparent you would like me off this team.”

“I didn’t mean that,” Spencer was quick to reply.

“Then why the hell did you say it, Reid?” you slammed your pen down.

You grabbed your empty coffee mug and briskly walked to the break room but unfortunately, Spencer was right behind you.

“I didn’t eat any of your cookies by the way. Not that I didn’t want to but I felt like I didn’t deserve them so I handed them out to everyone else.”

“Oh how kind, taking credit for my work,” you tried to close the door in his face.

“I told them that they were from you,” Spencer insisted.

You rolled your eyes as Spencer grabbed the coffee pot before you could get to it, pouring your mug of coffee for you.

“What do you want from me, Reid?” you asked defeatedly.

“I want you to try a cinnamon roll and let me explain.”

“Fine but only because I didn’t have breakfast yet and I want to critique your baking skills,” you huffed, walking back to your desk.

Spencer gingerly placed one of the sticky frosting-coated rolls on a napkin and pushed it towards you. You tentatively bit into it. Damn it, it was actually delicious.

“It’s okay,” you understated.

You knew Spencer hardly ever used his kitchen let alone be up baking all night. He even chose a recipe that required more time and effort because the yeast dough would have to rise for a few hours.

“That’s good. The first batch didn’t come out as great...or the second,” he smiled softly.

“Well, the floor is all yours, Reid. Please explain to me why you talk shit about me to my co-workers when I’m in the other room,” you leaned back in your chair and crossed your arms.

Spencer muttered something incoherent.

“I have to hear the apology, you know,” you said, enjoying watching him uncomfortable.

“You’re intimidating to me because you’re intelligent, beautiful, and courageous. I think I was a little jealous that my spotlight as the ‘kid’ of the BAU was coming to an end so I said some harsh, completely untrue things and I’m sincerely sorry.”

“Oh my god,” you smirked, “Hotch was right, you are an elementary school kid.”

“In what way?” he curiously asked.

“You like me like like like me. You don’t know how to talk to the girl so you pull her pigtails on the playground,” you giggled.

“I take it back. You’re a horrible profiler,” Spencer was getting up from his seat, completely flustered.

“Awww,” you were laughing at Spencer’s bright red face as he went to go to the break room to fill his coffee mug.

When he got back to his desk, a sticky note was placed front and center.

In typical elementary school fashion…

Will you go get coffee with me?

Check:

Yes

or

No

Spencer smiled before picking up his pen and checking one of the boxes, crumpling the sticky note up into a ball and throwing it over to your desk.

“Good choice. See you Saturday at 9 at the cafe down the street,” you grinned.

“It’s a date,” he smiled.

[littleaxebad]

Thursday: Venomous

Inspired in parts by the wild energy of Olaf and Paul by PacoVolume (forbidden relationship), the magnificent genius of Thalasso Hobbyist (sea monsters) and dedicated to @writtenjewels as a thank you for one of my favourite fanfictions “Catch of the Day”...

(Go into this knowing that Jason is a fucking monster looking thing. He’s not pretty (maybe a little in the face if you cover all the spikes), he’s a fucked up monster looking thing. Ain’t nothing wrong with fucked up looking monsters. Fucked up monster supremacy.)

Yes, this is supposed to be funny...

Jason looked up at the science vessel. He’d been around long enough to know what was a science vessel and what was a fishing trawler and what was a cruise ship full of rich old people who thought he was a dolphin. He had no idea how a centuries old sea monster could be mistaken for intelligent tuna, but he’d never full grasped most of humanities obscurities in his long life. For one thing, they kept changing, and for another - he didn’t fuckin’ care.

His mother was a mermaid. His father had been something else. He’d never met the creature responsible for his nightmarish silhouette but he’d heard nothing but good things. He suspected it was a teenage crush elongated over hundreds of years into a form of hero worship on his mothers part… and a one night stand for a wandering Eldritch Horror on his fathers part. But whatever concoction of oceanic mistakes had been involved, Jason was more or less a 12 foot long eel shaped mer-creature, with a smooth, humanoid upper torso, long twisted vines sprouting from a horned face; powerful muscles and fins, and sharp teeth and claws for fighting and eating. Not to mention the venom he was capable of injecting if he felt so inclined. 

A fuckin’ dolphin indeed. 

Jason was swimming under the science vessel for one very particular reason. A scientist named Salim Othman who spoke with a strangely erotic accent, was basically covered in hair, and had absolutely captured Jason’s tiny heart over the months he’d been at sea, researching whale migration patterns. The actual science bored Jason to tears, he was far more interested in the technology they used, the alcohol Salim could provide, and the frankly mind-blowing sex they frequently engaged in. His mother was beyond furious - fraternising with someone who would probably be dead in 40 years, and then what would he do? Mourn for the rest of his life (probably)? Couldn’t he have picked a nice Kraken to fall in love with?

Absolutely the fuck not. He knew a few of those deep sea fuckers and they were all weird snobs. Jason preferred getting shit-faced with his hot human boyfriend and then eating Salim out until the man couldn’t even stand. Which is what he was waiting to do when another aquatic abomination swam into his vision. He didn’t know this fish, but he’d seen it around. A great big manta ray looking thing, with too many teeth where it didn’t seem physically possible for teeth to be - but what the fuck was it doing around here?

Jason’s question was answered quickly enough when, without warning and moving faster than something its size should have been capable of, the monster ray attacked Salim’s science boat. Jason’s body froze for an instant and then he was darting forward, his powerful tail cutting through the water like a bullet from a gun. He wasn’t about to let whatever this fuckin’ thing was kill his human, size be damned he was going to hand its ass to it, and he couldn’t even see an ass.

Suddenly the ocean was disturbed over to Jason’s left as a weight hit the water. At first he couldn’t see what it was, but it seemed that the monster ray didn’t care - all it could see was potential food and it dove for the falling shape. The bubbles cleared and both of Jason’s hearts stopped - Salim! Salim had fallen off the boat. Jason jackknifed through the water, changing direction in an instant. The thing was on Salim but the man was strong, he had a hooked knife and was going at his attacker for dear life. But his attacker was fuckin’ huge; dwarfing Salim, its long thin tail rising up to wrap around his frantically struggling body. 

‘It’s going to fuckin’ drown him!’ Jason’s brain screamed at him as he launched himself forward, latching onto the rubbery skin of the monster ray and sinking in his teeth and claws. It was as if he’d done nothing at all - the thing didn’t respond and Salim was jerking in its grip spasmodically, running out of air. Panicking, and without a thought to whether or not the creature was poisonous, Jason sank his teeth in again, this time aiming for the softer underbelly, and releasing a deadly injection of venom. 

The water stilled, and Jason wasted no time in chewing Salim free and hauling ass to the surface - he probably should have checked over his shoulder but getting the human some air was priority number one. They broke the surface in a shock of cold water, to the frightened yells of Salim’s crew mates. Jason didn’t bother to explain - if they thought he was big enough to do that much damage to a fuckin’ boat, they didn’t deserve to be scientists. 

He dragged Salim onto the deck and slammed a fist against the man’s chest. Salim sat bolt upright and vomited sea water all over himself and Jason. Jason just casually rubbed him on the back - it was not like he’d never been wet before. After long moments in which Salim got his breath back and the other, less active participants retreated from Jason’s imposing form, Salim turned to him.

“You OK?” “Not really.” “That’s fair.” “You’re uh… you’re venomous, then…?” “Yeah. But don’t worry, hotshot, I won’t use it on you.” Salim responded by nodding sagely, and then passing out.

[knoxious-poet]

@therealchrisnoel

chris you are very beautiful

but you keep saying you're a lesbian

that's too bad for you

because this dick would've been celestial

instead of a romantic like me

you chose a fucking jock

chet was the name, right?

send me his mom's adress so i know at what door to knock

i wish i wouldn't have wasted my time on a girl name chris

smal titts, no ass, 0 personality so what exactly did i fucking miss?

there's no point in denying you regret rejecting me

cause after all the only thing you're after is dick and designer things

dick i can give you, designer i'm not so sure

call me when you realize chet comes in five seconds and then he starts to snore

i remember when you kissed me and your breath smelled like fish

now that you're lesbian i realize- it wasn't due to a tuna dish

speaking about your little girlfriend, whatever was her name

make sure to keep an eye on her, she was checking me out the other day

we can keep things in the past if that's what you wanna do

i won't tell anyone how you loved my hands choking you

cause a bitch got daddy issues and that bitch clearly ain't me

all i wanted to do for you is make you live comfortably

so next time you call me a pussy for "not being strong enough"

go back to the mornings you couldn't walk because "knox hit it too rough"

[sunnyoldbear]

Luca Headcanons Part 3!

I can’t fucking stop please someone help me

Luca:

All seamonsters have a lot of fish qualities and different sea monsters take on different fish qualities, even within a family.

While Luca isn’t as equipped to handle the deep as his uncle is, his father does have some traits that would help him out. Luca doesn’t know this, but he can survive deeper pressure than most others can. Like, significantly deeper, but not to the point of the Deep. He’s have to get accustomed to it and he might not have even survived.

His species can also echolocate! He also doesn’t know he can do this even though it’s from his mom’s side. He just thinks he clicks and squeaks when he’s happy, he doesn’t know he can also echolocate. Since, again, he hasn’t been to the Deep, the ability is very diluted and he can’t locate things very far but… he can, if he tries hard enough. He won’t, though, cause he just thinks his clicks and squeaks are just that.

He loses his shit when he finds out about dinosaurs. He loves them.

If you even mention a museum he will practically beg to go and he will be in there from opening to closing and still come back for more. He takes in every bit of information he possibly can

He doesn’t flip people off, he just sticks his tongue out

Cloud watches! He thinks it’s cute :)

Is cold blooded. They found this out when he passed out in the middle of class one day during the winter. Winter months are very hard for him at school because of it, so he treasures the break and stays under a bunch of warm blankets.

Talks with his hands a lot

One day when he was swimming to the surface after seeing his family, a fisherman who wasn’t too approving of sea monsters tossed their harpoon at him. It grazed his arm and it hurt like hell, but he still tried to hide it. Of course, since he was clutching his arm and there was blood between his fingers, the Marcovaldos panicked and healed him tot he best of their ability, but Luca simply smiled, turned to Alberto, and said “look, we match now!” (If you see Alberto standing beside Luca so that their scarred arms touch since they’re on opposite arms, no you didn’t)

He finds out about bubble wands and thinks they’re the coolest thing!

Avoids every kid named “Bruno” at school like the plague because he doesn’t want them to think he hates them

Whenever something cool happens he instinctively turns to tell Alberto and his face drops when he doesn’t see him

Definitely the kid to accidentally say “mom” (and)or “I love you” to a teacher and then stare in horror

Grabs Alberto’s arm, wrist, or hand when they’re doing something together if he’s not grabbed first just so they don’t lose each other. It’s just instinct.

Once sobbed for an hour because he saw a dead frog in a pool

Falls asleep if his hair is played with

Still gets made fun of for smelling like fish but due to being a fish he can’t really bathe so Giulia and her mom just spray him with perfume. It makes him feel better.

Forgives Guido and Ciccio with no hesitation, will never forgive Ercole. In fact, he’s terrified of Ercole.

Technically canon, but he is the biggest mama’s boy. She learns from her mistakes and fixes her relationship with him and he becomes super close to her

Only lets those close to him call him “Bubble” like his grandma does

Loses his mind when he sees fireflies

He keeps his hair pretty short

Refuses to eat fish

Is more of a prey fish

That being said, he develops a few survival markings, such as a spot on one of his fins to look like eyes

For some reason I feel like he’d be like clownfish and be able to swim through anemone without getting zapped

Was never good at making friends. The Branzino kid often tried to befriend him but he was too scared of disappointing his parents since Daniela and Mrs. Branzino don’t get along

Wears a seashell anklet

His grandma taught him to read secretly when he was little

Never stops talking. Never.

In class, he’s always the kid raising his hand, even if he doesn’t know the answers, just because of his eagerness

Calls Alberto all the time, more than he calls his family

Carries Alberto’s drawing with him everywhere. Used to be in his pockets and then transferred to his wallet.

Is definitely more of a writer than an artist! With his vivid imagination he can write for days, and Alberto is more than happy to draw them out for him

Lets his hair grow out a bit towards the end of his final school year. The stress of school means he doesn’t quite care for his appearance

Can’t sit still. When he’s at school he’s always fiddling with something but when he’s in Portorosso he just grabs Alberto’s hand and plays with his fingers

Definitely a teacher’s pet

Gets bullied a lot. You can’t expect the world to just be okay with sea monsters overnight. A lot of the world will never accept him. There are kids that make his life a living hell at school.

As much as he loves school, he aches to be free sometimes

Gets super flustered super fast

Sits at Alberto’s side and talks about anything and everything and Alberto will sketch it

His scales are more like a duck’s water-resistant feathers. Water rolls right off.

Loves taking Nerone for walks

Definitely wears skirts and dresses in secret! He just thinks they’re neat :)

Loves romance movies but will never admit it

Literally bites his tongue to hold back from rambling. Giulia and Alberto constantly have to tell him it’s okay and he can talk all he wants, but he’s bullied so often for talking too much that he still holds back if he catches himself

Alberto:

Similar to a Betta Fish! His kind of sea monster aren’t known for bonding well and tend to fight.

When healthy, his scales are long and gorgeous just like a Betta’s! (Giulia is mesmerized by them)

You know how dolphins get high with puffer fish? It’s not just dolphins.

His teeth are a little sharper than most other sea monsters. Yes, he bares them at Ercole every time they see each other. No, he won’t stop

Definitely the “he ask for no pickles” friend

No one knows what he’s talking about half the time except for Luca, Giulia, and (sometimes) Massimo. They just kinda go with it.

Has his own words for everything. Only Luca and Giulia know what he means.

He’s actually super, duper close to Giulia, but they do fight pretty often. They’re siblings.

Likes to put his hat on Luca

Everyone thinks he’d be a bad flirt/get flustered super easily but the opposite is true! He’s a big flirt! He just knows what to say to make others fluster around him! Even if he’s not into you, if your his age or he’s trying to charm you, he’ll flirt up a storm. Living on your own from such a young age means you need to pick up survival tactics, and charm and streetsmarts were the ones he picked up.

Sometimes he faces small boats he sees just for the fun of it

He also sometimes grabs a rope or a net from Massimo’s boat when they’re fishing and just zooms to land to get them there quicker

Loves playing games with the kids when he’s on lifeguard duty, even if it can get him in trouble with his boss

You better bet he makes fun of those school uniforms. He laughs his ass off. He thinks they’re the funniest things.

If he sees or hears even a hint of danger, he is shoving his loved ones behind him and will protect them with his life.

Prefers to be barefoot

Heals surprisingly fast. Something about them fish genes.

When he’s fifteen he jokingly tells Luca he should become a teacher and then Luca’s eyes get all big and excited and Alberto regrets opening his mouth. But he still supports him every step of the way.

Whenever he hears Luca click or chirp, he calls out for him if he’s a distance away or grabs his hand since he recognizes it as echolocation before Luca does

More of a predator fish

Keeps his hair long and growing

I think he’d probably grow a mustache. Giulia hates it so much which is why he keeps it. Okay, he kept it to annoy her, but then he actually started to like it. But when Luca said he liked it, that solidified it

He’s so strong it’s kinda scary. Definitely stronger than the average fisherman, but was stronger even beforehand.

Sometimes just eats fish live and terrifies those around him

He’s super fast! Since he’s based on a tuna or swordfish, he’s pretty quick

Unlike Luca, he’s warm blooded. So when he heard Luca has to keep really warm during winters, he offers most of his clothes

His father abandoning him may seem cruel, but for his kind of sea monsters, it was what had to happen. Still, Alberto is a child and it shouldn’t happen.

Mainly a night eater

Can see further than most of his fishy friends

Good night vision too!

Was taught to read and write as a kid by his father but it’s not perfect so he asks Massimo to do it

Loves playing cards

Fins are sharper than average

Squishes Luca’s cheeks

Sword fights with Giulia except they’re sticks

Whenever Luca falls asleep on him (often), he just stays still and refuses to move

Scoops Luca up sometimes

Grabs Luca’s face and blows raspberries instead of kissing it. (Can be interpreted as platonic or romantic!! Italians kiss on cheeks as greetings)

Protectively wraps his tail around those he loves

Water clings to him a bit more since his built-for-speed scales are less water repellent

Every year he gets scared Luca won’t return

Paints the Hideout to look like Luca’s dream fish-stars after he’s told about it. The ceiling, anyway. Don’t ask how he did it, no one knows.

Changes his last name to Marcovaldo

Thinks pet fish and aquariums are hilarious and will poke fun at the fish (“haha, losers! No freedom!” “Alberto!” “What?!”)

LOVES DINOSAURS

He and Luca share a bed when Luca comes over!

The Vespa poster hangs in his room on his door

Calls Luca’s nightlights “light fish” as a nod to stars

Has Giulia and Luca’s names tattooed onto him because they’re his best friends

Tried to take Caligola and Machiavelli on walks… yeah that goes as well as you think

Giulia:

Is a fast reader

Isn’t a massive poetry fan but does have a few favorites

Also keeps a few drawings from Alberto in her folders

Also scoops Luca up randomly

Can and will bite you

Wears dresses as much as she does shorts

Ties her hair up when serious

Rubs her nose against her family’s as a sign of love. It’s just something she did as a kid, so sometimes she’ll just rub her nose against Alberto’s and he gets really confused

Is low key a little jealous of her brother and best friend being sea monsters

Is a bit of a builder! She makes a bridge from her room to the treehouse

Rarely starts fights with Alberto, but she’ll sure finish them

Half regrets teaching Alberto to swear

Though she seems pretty calm, she’s gotten into her fair share of fights at school. Mainly punches kids who bully her and/or Luca. Also sexists.

Although this is 1950/60s Italy, I imagine she’d be very accepting of homosexuality and not hide it, even if rumors of her being one start spreading and she gets hurt. She has a strong sense of justice and she doesn’t care about consequences.

She’s the only person allowed to make fun of Alberto. No one else is. She’ll quite literally attack anyone who dares.

Her parents were surprised she didn’t take after them in fishing or painting

Honestly I can see her mentoring the kids for the race every summer! Once she hits 18 and is no longer able to compete, she holds practice sessions and loves seeing the kids have fun

She definitely runs the race when she’s older. She moves to Portorosso since her marine biology career is helped by her sea monster brother and the town’s closeness to water

Teaches the boys to make sandcastles

Holds such strong resentment for Alberto’s father and Daniela. Lorenzo and Luca’s grandmother she’s fine with, but Alberto’s biological father abandoning him pisses her off more than she can put into words, and Daniela manipulating her son and sending him away makes her want to break something.

Her “santa (cheese)!” comments slowly change into “Santa (fish)!” exclamations. Like, “Santa Goby!” for example. 

Is more close to Alberto than he wants to let people know. She can read him like a book. He’s honestly her best friend. She tells him everything, they go to each other after nightmares, they share everything, all the fun cute stuff that Alberto would rather die than admit.

Still has no idea what “Silenzio Bruno” and “Piacere, girolamo trombetta” mean and at this point she’s too afraid to ask

Though she loves the Portorosso kids, she’d rather die than be a mother. Her parents understand, but secretly hope she changes her mind so they can spoil a grandbaby. 

Begs Massimo to coverup his sea monster tattoo, which he does

Also a “he ask no pickles” friend!

Is super patient with Luca and Alberto’s adaption to the human world (though she doesn’t like it when Alberto shoves his feet on her-which he loves to do because it pisses her off)

Secretly saves money up for the boys to get a Vespa

While she isn’t the best cook, her pasta meals are pretty damn good! 

Has the trophy from the Cup in her room next to a picture of the three of them on the Vespa

[laurits-is-loki]

I’m really craving a Greek salad tonight so here’s Ragnarök characters as foods I tend to crave when it’s late at night and too late to order takeout/make something but I’m not letting that stop me (savoury edition):

Magne: Ham & Cheese panini from the corner store. It always hits the spot but it tends to be a little weak on its own, must get a bag of crisps to support it (salt & vinegar is my go-to) Good snack altogether though. 7/10

Laurits: Mixed meat durum with chips and a can of soda. An absolute must-have after or during clubbing. Truly the best taste to an afterparty. Incomparable. A classic. Extra hot sauce on those fries please. 10/10

Saxa: Any type of Greek food that has Feta in it. Lamb gyro in particular because there’s this Greek place run by a guy from Thessaloniki that sometimes gives you free baklava if you order go-to food. The feta adds character to the meal because it’s a strong and empowering cheese and the baklava is fancy and delectable. Also the restaurant is a little off the beaten path for me so it’s a luxury item. Perfect for Saxa. 9/10

Iman: MacDonald’s Filet-o-Fish. I don’t know what they put in this but it’s surprisingly good for a MacDonald’s burger. I don’t even like fish that much but I’ll gobble it up. I like to have mine with wedges instead of fries, chili-mayo sauce or maybe curry if I’m feeling adventurous (their curry sauce is a hit or miss for me…). 7/10

Oscar: Chicken nuggets. They do the trick and they are reliable. I always have some in my freezer but ordering them is also fine I guess. Sriracha and mayo on them and I’m ready to fucking party. 8/10

Fjor: Tuna pizza. It shouldn’t work but it’s not as bad as it seems. Still pretty unsatisfactory. The only reason I’m putting this here it’s because my girlfriend always has some in the fridge we can microwave and gobble up in a hurry. Garlic sauce for dipping the crust makes it a 6/10

Gry: Onion rings. More of an appetiser than a full meal but I’m always down for them. Best served with barbecue sauce. Plus, onion is a vegetable, so they’re somewhat healthy. 7.5/10

Isolde: Mozzarella sticks. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. This is my actual favourite thing in the entire world. Get out of here with your cheap ass shit. I want the good ones. Not the dollar store ones. I want the ones they sell at the supermarket. If I have to take a detour to go to the furthest shop available to get them I will. I fucking will. This shit is bussing. 12/10

Harry: Fish sticks. The working man’s meal. Not delectable but easy to make and filling. Great with tartar sauce. You can either fry them or bake them. Endless possibilities. Put some fries in them and you got a bastardised fish and chips. What more could you ask for when you’re in a tight spot. 6/10

[encyclopika]

Animal Crossing Fish - Explained #171

Brought to you by a marine biologist with a fish and some chemicals...

CLICK HERE FOR THE AC FISH EXPLAINED MASTERPOST!

Tuna may be ubiquitous with seafood. Whether it’s sushi or a can of tuna you make into a salad for lunch, people eat the heck out of tuna. One thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of people don’t realize that there are many species of tuna - some are gigantic, some are medium-sized, and some you could call small. I spoke a lot about Tuna and how frickin awesome they are when I covered the Tuna from ACNH. It’s a long entry...mostly because I didn’t know I’d have another chance to talk about these amazing animals. That one was the Bluefin - one of the larger species, so today we’ll cover it’s smaller cousin, the Skipjack Tuna!

The Skipjack first appeared in AC Pocket Camp in May 2021 for Fishing Tourney #38 and the theme was sushi, because I guess when it comes to tuna, that’s all anyone can think about. -bitter-

The skipjack is named to species - (Katsuwonus pelamis) - and it has so many common names, it really depends on where you live. In Japan they are called Katsuo, while in English-speaking countries it’s called the Striped Tuna or Oceanic Bonito. But whatever you call it, the Skipjack is a small species of Tuna - it grows to be about 3 feet (1m) long. Compared to the Bluefin’s massive 9 foot (3m) length, this guy is tiny. They are really common fish in tropical waters all over the world and can sometimes be seen in school some 50,000 fish strong. They are an extremely important food source for many large marine animals, like sharks, dolphins, marlins, and bigger tuna species. Don’t let the small size fool you though - the Skipjack has the most muscle mass dedicated to movement of any animal.

Picture from EnviEarth.

It’s a tough little fish. However, like other tuna species, it is a predator. They typically feed on smaller fish, mollusks, and crustaceans. In the ocean ecosystem, we call fish like the Skipjack a meso-predator,  “middle” predator. They are a consumer of other animals but they fall prey to other predators. You may have heard that tuna has mercury in it - TLDR yes, they can. So can other species of animals. Due to chemical pollution in our seas, fish that live in polluted areas end up carrying a bunch of those pollutants with them in a process called bioaccumulation. When those fish are eaten by their predator, the predator then carries that accumulated pollutant, and up and up it goes in the food chain, a process called biomagnification. At some point, a predator gets such a large dose of this pollutant that they die or they get incredibly sick. As the apex predator of the world, humans need to be careful about what they’re eating. Large, apex predators like sharks and bluefin tuna can have very high concentrations of mercury, for instance, so it’s recommended that you don’t obsessively eat them every single day (I mean, that’s just unhealthy to begin with). The Skipjack is lower on the food chain, so it does not have as high a concentration of mercury as a Bluefin tuna might, Still, it’s recommended that pregnant people don’t eat them, because everything goes through the placenta.

Fucking. Everything.

And there you have it. Terrifying stuff, no?

[skypied]

OKAY SO I have some main things to dump thoughts about - fish scales and overall design/biology, some sea monster puberty, and hibernation and migration. Some of it is like “this is what I’ve decided I like” - some other stuff is like “what if this was a thing?” TBH it’s MANY THOUGHTS, FEW CONCLUSIONS. This is so fucking long, buckle up. (I’ll also do a second post more focused on culture and body language, bc I ended up rambling too much about a wip of mine in particular.)

General notes to start off -

re: sea/human form - I’ve heard someone talking about the human form being like just a? mask? an illusion that makes them look human, but they’re still biologically fishes. Tbh that makes my brain hurt trying to figure out. I think most of my thoughts are based on “how would these fish traits translate into human form”.

I tried finding like, at least a family/genus whatever of fish to base them off of, but that made me insane trying to cover all the bases so we're just cherry picking. It’s just dumb fish boys for dumb fics! Nothing will fit perfectly and that’s fine. And unless I have strong argumentation, the answer to the question “why?” will be “why NOT” because sometimes you just want something fun to play with.

Also some of this has been influenced by talking to friends, and some probably from other meta or fics I’ve read and soundly forgotten about. Sorry if I “steal” something, my brain is just one big soup, please feel free to @ me or whatever, or reply/reblog, shoot an ask.

Like I said very little of this is stuff I’m fully decided on - just what I think based on what research I’ve done. I also know extremely little around biology from beforehand, and often struggle with completely understanding reading science in English, but yeah. These are just thoughts! I like sharing thoughts.

Biology, particularly scales

So earlier things I've picked out that have just become vague background I dip into out of habit is is Alberto having spiny ray fins with bone inside them while Luca's are softer cartillage and slightly translucent.

For scales I landed on them both having types of leptoid scales, the attributes of which are: thin and translucent, aren’t very hard/armored and therefore flexible, their configuration reduces drag in the water. Which I think suits fish boys that have more limbs that need flexible hide/scales than just plain ol’ fish.

Leptoid scales are also very reflective! To quote Wikipedia - “highly reflective scales which function as small mirrors and give the appearance of silvered glass. Reflection through silvering is widespread or dominant in fish of the open sea, especially those that live in the top 100 metres. A transparency effect can be achieved by silvering to make an animal’s body highly reflective. At medium depths at sea, light comes from above, so a mirror oriented vertically makes animals such as fish invisible from the side”.

I like leaning into more silvery tuna and open-water Beto, and the silvering/mirroring effect would be very good for staying hidden in open water. I think the reflective qualities could also apply to Luca, but with him being green, it’s more suited to stay hidden in kelp and such, which fits for a reef fish boy!

For Luca, cycloid scales, which are a subgroup of leptoid scales, so all that ^ but they have a smooth, even texture and are pretty uniform in size and shape. Most common in fish with soft rays, like I wanted for him, too. They don’t seem to be very armored.

For Alberto, ctenoid scales, another subgroup of leptoid scales, so similar functions, but they have small teeth/spines on parts of them. Not over the whole body, but the parts that are spiny are thicker and rougher to the touch, providing some more defensive qualities (I think). So they change more in size and texture over the body, the spiny scales being larger, harder and less flexible, so more armored.

All this ^ i researched just bc I wanted to give Alberto underwater goosebumps, so now he has tiny spines that can, idk, magically fucking rise like the hair on the back of his neck :)

Bioluminescence

Okay first of all, no matter how much I read, I don’t fully get bioluminescence. So this is probably just a bunch of hogwash, but it’s fun.

This is from a WIP that dabbles a little with Luca having some bioluminescence thing going on - I decided that since Ugo seemingly developed into a deep sea dweller, that those are some genes that are just “sleeping” in them.

So Luca has some light remnants of those genes but they never developed? But they’re slightly noticeable in some respect - I settled in fish form, in that the places his skin/hide is thinner (like underbelly, inside of thighs, face, palms) it’s very slightly translucent, but only in direct, strong light and just revealing like the veins underneath.

Also with some … nodes? like bioluminescent sea creatures have like spots that are lighting up. For this particular fic I’ve decided that they don’t light up, because the sea dweller genes aren’t developed enough for that, buuuut they glow in the dark. The nodes aren’t everywhere, maybe running down his lateral lines, some on his face (his freckles? 🥺), and on his dick (yes for sexy times :))

Keep in mind that most of this with bioluminescence I’ve been thinking of I decided exclusively for fun sexy times, so, it’s not really something I’ve researched very hard or think makes a lot of sense. I just like it. I want Luca to light up like a Christmas tree under blacklights 😌 (and that fic is tbh close to finished, I just gotta buckle up and do it…)

Sea monster puberty stuff

Okay not a lot but I like the idea of them slowly changing colors as they grow, and slowly turn into colors that are easier to camoflague with. They’re pretty colorful, and in the movie they’re pretty easily seen from above the surface when they’re high up (like at the end of the swimming to Portorosso for the first time scene, and a boat spots them). I like to imagine Alberto turning more silvery, aka more easily camoflagued in open water, and Luca probably turning a darker green for hiding in kelp. (But then again re: being spotted from the surface - the mirroring/reflective camoflague works best from the sides).

And I also >:3 really like the idea of them having slightly more colorful skin/hide like a happy trail (this is directly influenced by this drawing by Lamb)

Imagine how cute it’d be with them meeting each summer and just sizing each other up and down checking out how their colors have changed!! They probably shed scales and stuff, so it makes sense to me they’d change colors.

(also dumb Alberto thought - every summer they play around and chase each other and stuff and he cries bc every year Luca gets harder to find in the kelp forests and he feels it’s a metaphor for how he feels Luca is growing out of their friendship.)

AND!!! I love the thought of how baby animals, I’m thinking of foals in particular, are super gangly and oddly proportioned and not in control at all because their limbs grow in the oddest, hodgepodge order. Teenage growth spurts. Suddenly tail is just too long to control properly until their bodies grow into proportion to it.

Hibernation/brumation/torpor/cold-blooded animals

First of all hmmmmm the cold-blood thing. When they become humans, would they become warm-blooded? Or stay cold-blooded? I have no answers - but I’ll come back to this a bit later, after covering other bases.

This is from an overnight “doing stupid fish biology research to avoid sleeping” rabbit hole lol, so some of it maybe doesn’t hold up, but it’s what I have. I wanted to see if hibernation is a possibility. It’s actually called brumation in cold-blooded animals, and they don’t stay resting the entire time - they’ll have days awake where they eat, drink and move around for a bit before going back into brumation.

Brumation in reptiles usually happens at 4-10C/40-50F. I couldn't find exact numbers, just a graph, but the temperature in Genova generally doesn't drop below ~42F/5C (checked w weather history from the 60s). so if they were biologically inclined to that, it's absolutely a possibility for dec-jan at least. (sidenote - the temperature range for brumation I've used here is a general recommendation for reptiles that prefer temps around 24-29C/75-85F in the daytime - so feels like an alright comparision to Italian temperatures, where it peaks just over 26C/80F)

But fish don't brumate. They do enter a resting state called torpor - basically all body functions slow down to conserve energy - because they don't have places to hide and fully brumate like animals on land do. They usually seek out warmer places under water to keep their body temperatures from dropping too much. For instance koi fish in ponds will stay closer to the bottom, because it bottoms out at around an even 4 C, while the higher up water is colder.

I feel like brumation would make life very difficult both in and out of the sea, so I lean towards just torpor - sluggishness and needing to seek warmth. When I mentioned hibernation in Trust Fall (which had Bitsy talking more about it, which is why I’m dumping this entire thing hehe), that was a semi-conscious choice of - I think hibernation is a concept that more people know about than torpor, so I just used hibernation for being easier to understand.

And I read some about reptiles, and it seems like some choose/feel the need to brumate even if they’re kept in terrariums (?) with an even temperature, because it’s such a deeply ingrained biological thing (at this point I was too sleepy to really follow, but this is how I understood it).

But I like the idea of that translated into fish boys, even in human form - like “my body doesn’t need to do this to survive, but it really, really wants to”. That even in human forms, they feel the need to go into torpor - not because they can’t handle the temperature drop, but because the brain still tells the body to engage in those behaviors - so they still get lethargic, and like to bury in bed to stay warm and sleep and conserve energy :3 (honestly, mostly just for cute snuggly winter boys)

SO back to cold-blooded - maybe if they technically become warm-blooded as humans, they still tend to do cold-blooded behavior, because those instincts stay with them?

I also really like the image of fish boys soaking in the summer sun. Like everyone else in Portorosso seeks shelter indoors from the midday sun, but the fish boys are stretched out on little rock islets out in the ocean, in tide pools, just sizzling and soaking up the sun for energy and comfort <3

Migration

Also talked some about migration, like fish who migrate for feeding or reproduction purposes, but not really fleshed out into anything to play with. Some thoughts though:

Maybe Alberto stayed on land bc he was scared to go underwater too much and end up migrating because he needs to stay put waiting for his dad. He probably doesn’t know about needing to migrate, that probably doesn’t help either. Just a small boy getting very antsy about being in the water during winter.

(this is directly from some chatlogs ahah, I won’t @ the people involved in case you don’t want to be, but raise your hand if you’d like):

Alberto, snapped out of his fugue state in a random street in Genova, because his physiological need to migrate to reproduce pulled him there because of Luca

Alberto stood at Giulia’s mom’s front door, dripping and skinny because he's not eaten for a week: WHERE IS HE. Luca's head popping out the window and Alberto's eyes whip to his and he tries scaling the wall like a lizard

This happens every time so Giulia's mom just starts opening the door and wrestling him inside and onto the stairs so he can run up them three steps at a time like a... slightly more sane person

Luca starts getting twitchy like half an hour before Alberto shows up so Stella and Giulia know they have to beat feet to avoid the carnage. Luca suddenly sitting up pencil-straight on the couch and staring rigidly towards the window sniffing the air and they just sigh and start packing for a night away

There’s no good way to end what’s just an endless ramble, but if you made it this far, I am petting your hair affectionately :)