#tw vent

[crazylittlejester]

I’m gonna go on a crazy ass rant because I’m upset and also very tired

A huge reason as to why I characterize Warriors the way that I do, regarding his fear of being poisoned and his food anxiety, is a way to explain myself and my own anxieties caused by my allergies, because when I say to someone I don’t think I can eat the food at the party/function/their house EVEN IF it was specifically made to be free of my allergens, they just don’t understand why I can’t eat it. They just don’t understand that just because it’s ‘safe’ doesn’t mean I feel safe enough to eat it, because there’s always that lingering ‘What if’ in my mind that food made outside of my vision is contaminated somehow.

It is so HARD to explain to people the genuine fear that you are going to die because a food created an odd texture in your mouth and you gave yourself a panic attack over nothing. It breaks my heart every time I go to my friends house and her mom offers to make me food because I’ve been at her house for thirteen hours and haven’t eaten a meal with them, because even though she cleans everything and offers to let me watch her make it, there’s still this loud screaming voice in my mind saying that that food is not safe to eat. And it just NEVER goes away. I feel awful because her mom is so sweet and willing to help me, and I just can’t ever accept because I manage to convince myself it’s contaminated every time

I have been dealing with this for my entire life and never not once have I been able to get someone to understand what this feels like or seen it shown in a media form anywhere. I’ve had family and therapists both just tell me to get over myself, because I’m being ‘ridiculous’ and the craziest thing to me EVER is that for the first time in nineteen years, I have had an outlet to throw this frustration into. Warriors and the food issues I have given him are so important to me because for the first time in my life I can explain this fear through a character and even if people may not relate or really, truly get what it’s like, they understand. They understand and they recognize it as a valid fear, and it’s because of a fanfiction about a traumatized war hero. (which is INSANE to me that this is what it took for people to understand, but you know what, I’ll take it)

This rant was inspired because I opened a sealed container of ice cream and the allergen labels were incorrect and now I can’t eat it and I’ve wasted money and I’m so upset and it’s been a really long week, but also because I never saw anyone talking about this when I was a kid, and if I’d had someone there to represent me like this, or just be there for me to connect with, I would’ve felt a lot better. Understanding allergies and food restrictions is so important for so many reasons, the most important being that if you know how to help someone, you can save their LIFE. And for other people who feel the same way I do, it’s so GOOD to know you’re not alone and that there’s someone out there who gets what you’re dealing with

If I can make people understand what it’s like to live life this way, then that is so important to me. If I can explain to people what to do in an emergency situation because their friend is having a allergic reaction, I will, because not enough people understand how allergies work, and I’m sick and tired of hearing stories about kids with allergies who were peer pressured into eating when they didn’t feel comfortable and then suffering the consequences, and I am TIRED of seeing companies mislabel their fucking food.

Also do NOT be afraid to ask any friends or classmates or coworkers with allergies how to use an epi pen because You Could Save Their Life. If anyone is curious, I’LL tell you, or look up a youtube video I’m sure there are some on there

Anyways, this is why I give Warriors the food issues I do in my fics, for anyone else out there with allergies who’s ever felt invalidated by people telling them their anxieties were stupid, and so people who have no idea what it’s like to fear your food will kill you can try to understand that this is the irritating reality for some of your peers. (not that everyone with allergies has this exact experience, I have a friend with allergies who just eats whatever and prays it wont kill them, but I know now that there are plenty of people out there with allergies who DO have this experience)

Sorry for kinda ranting, (I’m just a little guy 🥺), but this is something that is so hugely important to me, and sorry Warriors but you had too similar of a problem so now you get my exact issues 🫶

[moonlightonme]

it sounds so stupid but i’m shaking so much right now. i’m so scared and i’m terrified after the movie release and all the media going out. i’m beyond scared right now. gosho, Kaishin has been my lifeline and my support- my comfort ship for YEARS now. i can’t leave them, i never can- but because of this i’ve become so scared of talking about them to people, i’m scared of being cancelled or talked down to for being so attached to them as characters and especially as a ship. they helped me to get through some of my hardest times and now at my lowest again this happens. i feel like shit and again have to watch people bash them and state “isn’t it obvious” when every dcmk character resembles each other?

i love kaishin so much. i love kaito, i love shinichi.

detective and thief dynamic has always been my favourite…

they’re my comfort ship. i have no one to talk to, roleplay with or share my love for them to. it’s so lonely and this only made it worse. i don’t want to be delusional and say the movie isn’t canon or what not but please… if there’s anyone who’s still staying please reach out. again it’s so stupid but they’re my comfort and attachment and i’ve been crying for an hour straight because i’ll still love kaishin with all my heart. i thought i’d have enough time to reach out and gain friends from the ship and fandom but i guess not!

this made me feel alone all over again.

(shina // vent)

[bioluminescent-tetractys]

Being aroace can feel lonely. Being aroace isn't bad, its just all my friends fall in love and I don't. In a way it kinda feels like they are all leaving me behind? Sometimes I wish I wasn't aspec. Sometimes

[chiyeko-kurea]

-kurea:)

[pretty-luxie]

I was gonna get ice cream but then I realized nothing tastes better than being thin. ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ ❤︎

[zieanna]

When the fp isn't messaging and you don't want to bother them so you just sit in pain forever until they remember you message you

[borderline-culture-is]

I wish he gave me his adress so i could crash my car into this house

🫂 /nfta

[nell0-0]

Too tired to draw, what is this curse. I wanna draw so badly but can't even focus on the screen, augh

[noisymentalitypirate]

Wanting to recover is all fun until some people around you get invested in your recovery and you start to develop frustration and hatred towards them because they prevent you from self-destructing.

Obviously you don't tell them because it would destroy your relation, but you really want them to SHUT THE FUCK UP

[catchthattherian]

TW: ED & fatphobia

Tumblr just recommended me an extremely triggering account. One of those “Thinspo” accounts. This persons ENTIRE account was romanticizing starving yourself and actually trying to motivate people like them to do it???? Not only this, but also some of the posts they reblog is fatphobic. Some of their posts they reblog say stuff like “Take care of yourself!! 😍” and then show pictures of unhealthy and unrealistically thin people to be like. People to be as skinny as by starving themself. Wtf. I’m not upset that they have a ED (as I’ve struggled w/ one for awhile in the past and still struggle with body dysmorphia and still haven’t gained that weight back) I’m upset they are romanticizing it AND being fatphobic? They’re posting pictures to motivate and feed into it. This absolutely angers me. I won’t reveal their account but here’s a few pics of posts they’ve reblogged.

If they truly are trying to get better, then I’ll be right by their side to help because I know what it’s like.. but some of these stupid posts don’t look like it. This is extremely triggering for me and I bet other people who’ve recovered or are still struggling. Hey, just remember, constantly starving yourself will only lead to death. Yes, you’ll be skinny, but skinny and DEAD. Your body needs food to function and survive, without it.. it’s gonna go downhill. I really do hope this person gets their thoughts together and try to get better instead of worrying about being so thin and being unable to live their life because of it. Again, I'm not hating on this person or other people like them. It’s just infuriating that they’re making it seem so cool and then being fatphobic towards people who aren’t so focused on being thin. I’ll admit, I’ve struggled w/ thoughts that sound a lot like some of their posts (not the fatphobic ones) but I wasn’t ROMANTICIZING it. I wasn’t encouraging myself or other people to get so unhealthily thin. I wasn’t being fat phobic to other people. Like, wtf?? Even when I was getting worse I was trying to get better. I get it, they may be trying to get better, but the tone of their posts do NOT sound like it (as in they’re posts are rude towards other people and what not, not as in they’re trying to get worse and I’m just encouraging them to, because I’m not.)

sorry for any confusion I’ve caused because of my bad explanation skills, I hastily made this rant/vent out of anger. (Doubt this is gonna get much attention and if it does it’ll prob be people accusing me of being anti-recovery.)

[ihatewhoiam6]

I hate who I am

[souldisgrate]

Tw vent, sex mention

I'm so freaking down right now... I can't even explain how dull and sad and unhappy and dysphoric and bad I feel

I'm back to thinking... I feel so bad when I start just thinking. 'Cause every time I do it my thoughts keep on leading back to who I am.

I desperately want to have a partner (or partners) and have romantic AND sexual relationship, I've fell in love pretty recently but... I also feel like NO ONE could really ever love me back at this point.

Who am I? A closeted transgender person with lots of weird kinks, interests (even fixations) and lots of triggers and nuances, with complicated as fuck identity and also so fucking hypersexual

I don't wanna spend my whole life lonely. I wanna love. I wanna be loved. But is there an actual way that's going to happen? Maybe that's really just my fate?

And I don't wanna give myself up. I don't want to stay in closet forever. I don't want people to see me as cis woman. I don't want people to see me as binary trans man. I want people to see AND accept AND support me as a nonbinary person who presents masculine AND feminine.

I don't want to stay in closet forever. I don't want my partner to think that I'm okay with just vagina-and-dick sex. YES I do have WEIRD desires. And I don't also want anyone to be uncomfortable with it. And I don't want myself to be uncomfortable.

So the only one fucking way is to actually find a person who's not queerphobic AND queer themselves, who's not anti-kink AND have weird kinks themselves AND THEM NOT BEING ONLY BINARY WOMEN

WHAT'S THE ACTUAL CHANCE OF SUCH THING TO HAPPEN...

[thecorvidforest]

boy it would be nice to be able to google something related to personality disorders, psychosis, intellectual disabilities, autism, DID/OSDD, etcetera without finding majority articles that are like “how to deal with a person with X” “how to cope with your child with X” “how to spot someone faking X” “can people with X be cured?”

[beebboopbop]

to be thinner than the people that called you fat

[borderline-culture-is]

( kind of a vent sorey )

bpd culture is thinking that no one cares for you nd you have no real worth nd splitting on your friend because they got more attention nd likes than you even though you try so so hard ,,,, i wish people liked me it isn ' t fair

.

[vixensofdeath]

the urge to die and become nothing becomes stronger every day