#twst crack

[twstwhore]

Calling them by their full name as a prank part 2

Warning: none

ft: Riddle, Idia, Malleus, Ruggie

Part 1

Don't plagiarize my shit please <3

[randomshenaniganery]

Rook Hunts

we only need one person with straight cut bangs /j

[loveydovey-leviathan]

malleus is beautiful (also he purrs)

x gn!reader

.

beautiful couldn’t even begin to describe how ethereal malleus always looked. he was otherworldly- from his ghostly pale skin to his enchanting green eyes. no one would ever compare.

and with the sunset elegantly draping its warm light across his features as he lies on your lap? it seems that the seven were trying to give you a heart attack, you’re slightly afraid that if you looked for even longer, you’d be struck. that would be a nice way to die; the last thing you see is a pretty dragon whose heart belongs to you.

but nothing happens and you continue petting your precious hornton as you were before. the comfortable silence continues and it looks like malleus has fallen asleep. you wonder what you ever did to deserve this- when you suddenly hear a deep rumbling.

you look around for the source before you quickly realise that it’s coming from malleus. he was… purring? do dragons purr?

but you’re immediately distracted by how cute he’s being. he’s comfortable enough to purr around you, and if grim has taught you anything, it’s that this is a major accomplishment. you have to physically restrain yourself from audibly cooing and rousing him from sleep, so you continue petting his hair, minding his horns. maybe you’ll be able to touch them someday.

for now, everything is perfect, as it should be for you and for malleus. if only people could see this side of him, but you selfishly want to keep this soft and cute side of your dragon to yourself.

[mrs-schoenheit]

Adeuce : We are not paying for that

Floyd: *annoyed* why not? you ordered 42 coffee

Adeuce: We said 4 tea 2 coffee

Floyd:

[vtoriacore]

Yo! It's me! I was wondering if I could request Ruggie, Idia, Riddle, and Malleus with a significant other who fights people for just breathing in their direction. Like Crowley opens his mouth and their already like "SHUT UP!" And throws chairs at people. I think the comedic potential for this is exponential

✧ alla stocatta (this chair)!

note: this is such a funny fucking concept LMFAO😭 gremlin MC agenda has gotta be my fucking fave they have the power to be so unhinged and i live for it also not proofread because it's low-key 12 am BUT. it's readable so-

characters: ruggie, idia, riddle, malleus

people who reblogged here is a special heart and a kith y'all do the most and ily 💞

♡ RUGGIE

ruggie finds it both amusing and kind of intimidating (and kinda hot but he'll die before he admits this yk) how you literally defend his honour (even when it doesn't necessarily need to be defended) but is he complaining? fuck no! 

half the time he is laughing and the other half is him cheering you on and maybe even encouraging you to do something just a little overboard (nothing that will get you into trouble, and if it does he's usually happy to take the blame) 

the first time he witnessed you literally throwing your broom at leona in joint flight class because he wouldn't stop bitching to ruggie was just about the most hilarious fucking thing he's ever seen and oh- there he goes falling off because he couldn't stop laughing (he stops when you catch him and ask if he's okay though - this mf may think he's slick but is literally reduced to a blubbering mess once he finds himself in a position considered a little too intimate with you) 

the second time he saw you trip someone up because they looked at him wrong, and your silly, sly self simply gave them the most unimpressed look you could muster with a "watch where you're going" 

the hyena was too stunned to speak 😮 no but seriously he found that both hilarious (as always) and admirable because holy shit, you did it so nonchalantly and it looked so fucking cool- he questions how he was even able to pull you (dw ruggie, you've got rizz!) 

he absolutely loves when you stand up for him for more serious stuff though, like if someone's insulting him for his status or for having to work etc. because your no-bullshit attitude actually works so well? you just casually throw a chair at the mf even daring to look at him and his heart goes ✨✨✨ all the while he's laughing and cheering you on from the sidelines. 

.

♡ IDIA

at first, idia is fucking terrified! bro is borderline crashing because how the fuck did you have the strength to haul that heavy ass cauldron at the person making a snide remark about him? he was going to say he's NEVER coming to class again but after this, he changes his mind so quick

like, you looked so badass doing that? the savannaclaw loser who tried insulting him barely got two words out and you just- oh wow! he just got the "in love" status applied to him again! 

nah but fr he is literally fucking grinning as he stares at the poor, poor fool laying on the ground and is so fucking smug about it too! 

"that was an ez no scope, didn't even have to be 360 lol'

"idia ily but what"

"it's a roundabout way of saying this bozo stood no chance, you pulled up on him too quick lmao"

at first, he is a bit concerned that you might end up in trouble with someone for doing all this but . . . yk, his money speaks for itself and if something does ever happen covering up wouldn't be too hard so he lets you do as you please

this hades-rapunzel secret love child thinks its low-key hot too, but he'll never admit it and he literally turns bright fucking pink anytime he even thinks this. you tried prying the answer out before, but he pulled out his secret trump card - fainting on you so he wouldn't have to say a thing

idia is another mf to absolutely egg you on as you cause some more chaos, it's getting to the point ortho had to warn you of nearly breaking someone's arm before you stopped. idia was just standing there, the most villainous, evil grin to have ever graced his face; "no, no! let them cook!"

.

♡ RIDDLE

riddle. fucking. FAINTS! 

he was NOT ready for that strawberry tart to end up lodged down someone's throat as you victoriously shrugged your shoulders with a "what? they had it coming."

"oh great heavens what have you- where is the decorum? what could have possibly compelled you to-" aaaaaaaand man's down!

when he awakes, he's frantically shaking your shoulders and asking why you would even think that nearly suffocating someone (not really, you pushed the tart far enough they could swallow) was appropriate 

but let me tell you, when he hears it was because they've insulted him and brought his mother into it, he low-key feels light headed and oh wow his cheeks are getting pretty warm huh? 

riddle, in his own spiteful way, actually doesn't probe you on this any longer and makes you promise that you won't do this in his vicinity again

you of course, nod along. you won't do it in his vicinity, but will be perfectly fine exacting your revenge straight after he's out of sight

when you actually end up having a . . . a chair duel. yes, he read that right. (he wasn't about to even question how that came about but nontheless) he ends up both impressed at you exploiting a loophole you've found within his statement and at the fact the person you've just beaten (both literally and figuratively) is miserably sitting on the floor apologising for giving riddle the wrong look at 12:34 AM on the 3rd of march. very specific 

riddle doesn't even chastise you for this one, he is exasperated but does actually pull you away from the scene and thanks you for defending him. this time, he makes you promise to resolve your fights for him verbally, but he won't be stopping you from this point on (it's because he doesn't want to and enjoys you standing up for him)

.

♡ MALLEUS

the student walking away from malleus makes him feel a bit bad. so naturally, to remedy this, you end up shouting at them! now they're backing away from you instead, isn't this the meaning of true love? (no)

this silly little very capable of looking after himself fae is fucking over the moon! absolutely smitten! completely in love! when you come to defend him and angrily shout at people for not treating him like a being worthy of respect and love.

he low-key debates proposing to you on the spot after you also somehow manage to get a student to apologize to him for fearing him for no good reason! he appreciates the sentiment and you caring for his well being, isn't that basically marriage already? no? he'd like to digress immediately

malleus does get a bit concerned when things get physical, not that he doesn't trust you to take care of yourself or anything but he worries that you might end up hurt. oh, did you think he'd care for the person you're fighting? or you getting in trouble? nah, he could literally BBQ anyone who even dared harm you anyway and if crowley even thought to step in, he'd soon be reconsidering because he doesn't want to end up an elaborate crow dish

however, on the occasion that you do outsmart your opponent (aka the savannaclaw student who just rolled his eyes at the dragon fae) he feels hella proud and is very amused at your antics. i mean, the way you just psychologically destroyed the fool in front of you for their comment on malleus not even being that good at magift is very sure to leave them questioning why they even bothered coming  out the womb for the rest of their life. 

he is another one that finds it low-key 😳😳😳 like damn, did you always look this badass when flipping someone off for even breathing wrong near him? sane thoughts just weren't made for malleus

[aririkasama]

Ace: Yuu, I just have the funniest moment happen to me earlier.

Ace: So, As I was working at burger king.

Yuu: 💀💀💀💀

Ace: I haven't even told the story yet.

Ace: What the fuck are you laughing at.

[married-to-google-translater]

Malleus introduces Mc to his castle

Malleus: And here is our national treasure's

Mc: Wow they are great

Malleus: *smiley* Here are the crown jewels, and here is the rye, and here is the invitation card you made for me.

Mc: Wait what?

Malleus: Yes. I saved every invitation you gave me.

Mc: That is very sweeet

Malleus: And I can't wait to see your collection *smiley*

Mc:........ Yeah about that

Malleus is very upset when he hears how we handle invitation cards

[honey-milk-depresso]

Hi hi Honey! I hope you're doing well and taking care of yourself!

how about crack headcanons for Malleus, Silver, and Lilia reacting to hearing reader shouting "they've had it with Adeuce and Grim" then chasing them with a broom. 😭 Idk it was just something that randomly popped into my head. Take your time <3

TW: Slight swearing, I will now put that as a warning as my friend's sister saw a cuss word and I will never forgive myself for letting her read my fics-

TWST S/o's had it with Adeuce + Grim

Malleus Draconia

It's a beautiful day outside.

Birds are singing, flowers are blooming,

On days like these...

Wait-

Well, on a nice day like this, Malleus was strolling merrily down his way to see you in Ramshackle.

The thought of you greeting him with a sweet, cheerful smile warms his heart and it made him more hurried in his footsteps, walking towards your dorm as he anticipated your cordial greeting.

And as he knocked on the door...

"I SWEAR TO GOD YOU THREE- WHAT THE FUCK-"

Malleus blinked, as he peered from behind the opened door. There he found you standing above with a broom in hand, the two first years and tanuki he had learnt about from you, kneeling with their heads bowed and hung with shame. Were those... anemones on their heads?

"YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU MADE A DEAL WITH SOME SHADY OCTOPUS IN OCTAVINELLE FOR AN EXAM?? YOU SHOULD'VE JUST STUDIED WITH ME AND JACK-"

Malleus quietly closed the door; thankful you had not noticed. He had definitely stepped in at the wrong time and to see you so unruffled and... fierce. No, that might be an understatement.

The dragon fae never would have thought you'd be a completely different person when you're upset. Whatever those three might have done surely had you erupt.

He doesn't want to know why you had a broom in the first place...

Lilia Vanrouge

He had met those three troublemakers during their first week of college, and he could already tell they were bound to create trouble.

Lilia went to Ramshackle on a particularly normal day. He was quite excited for you to try the dish he painstakingly made, and this time he finally had Silver's approval as he did not spat out the whole thing (at least).

He was proud of it, and whatever he had learnt from his Master Chef Class, he hoped you would be impressed by it.

On his way, he knocked on the door. "S/o-"

"YOU FUCKS- WHAT THE HELL- WHO ATE MY LUNCH"

"IT WASN'T ME- I SWEAR-"

"ASS TRAPPOLA, YOU BETTER GET ASS HERE OR I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP-"

"PREFECT, PLEASE CALM DOWN-" "NYEHH- HENCHMAN'S SCARY-"

"BACK OFF-"

Lilia was cut short by the muffled screaming behind the door, and he wondered if what happened. He peered from the window and saw the chaos unfold: you chasing Ace with a broom, who was backed in the corner. Deuce and Grim were holding you back, as you almost gnawed on Deuce's arm.

My oh my, s/o. Who knew you were so chaotic? He decided maybe now wasn't the time to... say hello, and he went off.

"What friends they are... Fufufu..."

Silver

Silver had decided to meet you after a long day. He was up from classes till club activities ended, and he just wanted to take a good long sleep in the comfort of your presence.

He was desperate enough to brisk walk his way towards Ramshackle, urgently wanting to seek rest and comfort in your arms. He pictured you embracing him while whispering to him about how much you love him as he loves you as he would slowly be lulled to sleep by your voice...

"ACE- GRIM-"

"OH SHIT-"

"PREFECT WAIT-"

"DEUCE GET OFF ME-"

Silver was pulled back to reality and his daydreaming was cut short by screaming in Ramshackle.

He looked towards the window, seeing Ace running at full speed as you hunted him down with a broom. Grim was clawing onto the redhead's jacket as Deuce hurriedly followed you, trying to stop you from committing further acts of violence.

He could hear from Ace: "STOP- DON'T HIT ME, I SWEAR IT WASN'T ME-"

"THEN WHERE'S THE LUNCH, HUH-"

"IT WAS GRIM-"

"DON'T THROW ME UNDER THE BUS-"

"PREFECT, PLEASE DON'T KILL US-"

Yikes... Not a good time to enter now, is it? Silver made a U-turn back to Diasomnia as he sighed, reminding himself not to make you upset. Ever.

"I'll just go back to my room..."

Reblogs help! ^^

[whateverdontgiveashit]

Yuu's hot habits and who is into them.

Warning:Gn!Reader,crack,simping,bad grammar.

When Yuu leans in a door you don't lean with one shoulder on the doorframe you instead put both hands on the top of the doorframe and lean in.

Cater Diamond:

He might be too into it

It reminds him of clickclack thirst traps

Cater always thought they were silly and even filmed a few himself as a joke

But seeing you do it so flawlessly and so

Genuinely!

Like that's just a habit to you

"Hey Cater,you done?The unbirthday party is about to begin!"

"Yea-a,Imma be with you in a minute!"

You smiled and left

He is way to into it...

Riddle Roseheart:

HE DOESN'T KNOW WHY HE IS INTO IT AND IS MORTIFIED

"Oh,Yuu excuse me can you tell Trey to start preparing for the unbirthday party?"

You were crossing the hall and passed Riddle's room when he saw you and called out.

"Sorry Riddle I didn't hear you can you repeat?"

You leaned in and suddenly he had a lump in his throat.

Fuck

He stared at you for a moment

"Ey,Riddle!What did you say?"

He snapped out of his thoughts as you snapped your fingers

"Ah-yes,ye-s.I was sayin-ing if you could inform Trey about starting preparations for the unbirthday party,Thank you."

He recovered quickly from his trance but slipped a bit at the end.

"Sure,no problem!"-You said giving him a closed eye smile as you continued on your way

'Riddle what is wrong with you?!Why are you thinking these shameful thoughts?!

Leona Kingscholar:

He knows why he finds it hot and is okay with it

But will never

EVER

Be caught dead saying that

Sadly he doesn't get that many chances to see you do that tho the few times he was there to witness were hot af

He had some business with you so he went to Ramshackle

And immediately plopped on your couch

You were changing and he was laying head on his hand as he waited for you

Suddenly you came out of the bathroom in white underwear and socks and in your unbuttoned button up

You noticed Leona and leaned in your bathroom door

“Sup!I didn’t know you’d come early.”

“Tch.”

He turned as he scoffed

“Make it quick herbivore,I got places to be.”

“Sure,sure just wait a minute.”

God damn herbivore

The only reason he turned is to hide his blush and to shove his tail between his legs so you wouldn’t see it sway

Maybe he should visit more often

[anintrovertedechoe]

riddle: shut up i do not show favoritism name one time i showed favoritism towards [name]

ace: bro not even going to point out the fact that i have a wholeass list of times you did just that but on top of that we never mentioned [name] you were the one that brought them up

riddle:

riddle: oh.

[mee-op]

malleus says that he has a friendship bracelet for you so you hold your hand out to him but then one of your wrists is in a handcuff and you see malleus putting himself in the same handcuff you're stuck in.

[twstwhore]

Real world reader gets teleported to twst with their phone and accidentally sends memes

warning: cursing, embarrassment

ft: almost all the students

Context: Y/n shared memes from their original phone to their twst phone which somehow worked and had a picture to send to the groupchat but it's easy to send the wrong pictures on the twst phones.

Don't plagiarize my shit please <3

This is probably so shit compared to my other fake texts

[randomshenaniganery]

Tristan’s uniform issue

Rollo is ranting but my hand hurts too much to put it there so u can just imagine his tirade

[seraphni]

I honestly REALLY don’t like the fact that there’s magic so the characters can understand each other with no problem because I think that there would be way more funny scenarios with having the characters learn different languages before attending NRC.

Leona pretending he doesn’t understand anyone when he doesn’t feel like talking, he even does this to people who literally speak his native language (Swahili or twst equivalent)

Ruggie: Hey Leona—

Leona: Samahani sizungumzi Kiingereza.

Ruggie: We are from the same country.

Leona: Bado nyamaza.

Jamil throwing a basketball at Ace and acting like he doesn’t understand him when Ace confronts him about it.

Ace: Dude! I know it was you!

Jamil: عن ماذا تتحدث

Ace: Why are you acting like you can’t understand me!?

Jamil: ماذا تقول حتى عربة إطفاء !؟

Floyd: Wow Ace, you’re harassing someone who doesn’t even understand you? Bro get some shame.”

Ace: Oh shut up!

Cheka visits and the SC trio are just translating everything he’s saying.

Cheka: Nimefurahi sana kukuona Mjomba!

Ruggie: He says he’s happy to see his-shishishi…uncle.

Yuu: Aw how cute.

The average Pomefiore conversation

Vil: Epel! Was habe ich dir über das Verfolgen von Schlamm hier gesagt!?

Epel: Oi tule yksi! Se on vain vähän!

Rook: Oh la la! Vous avez même réussi à en obtenir sur la magnifique tenue de Vil!

Vil: WAS!

Kalim asking Jamil a question

Kalim: Jamil…

Jamil: Yeah?

Kalim: what’s the English word for شجرة?

Jamil: *sighs* Tree Kalim, it’s tree.

Kalim: Thanks.

A funny little conversation between the NRC staff

Sam: Mwen mande ki lè Crowley pral ban nou salè nou an?

Crewel: Sam I can’t understand a word you just said.

Sam: Kòmanse aprann kreyòl ayisyen lè sa a.

Vargas: You can speak English tho.

Sam: And you can speak Russian, French, and English.

Vargas: Хорошая точка зрения.

Trein: What?

Vargas: I said good point.

Malleus and Leona arguing

Malleus: 王者! 你绝对没有资格这样对未来的国王说话!

Leona: Sielewi chochote ubongo wa joka!

Yuu: Why are they arguing like that?

Lilia: I don’t know but it’s funny.

Idia going full mother tongue when insulting people in a game he’s playing.

Idia: Αυτοί οι καταραμένοι ερασιτέχνες, ξέρουν καν τι κάνουν;!

Yuu: Uh…what yo bro say?

Ortho: He said “these damn amateurs, do they even know what they're doing” in Greek

Live footage of Riddle lecturing Heartslabyul students

Riddle: くそったれ！ルール三十八を破ったな！

Heartslabyul student: ???

Riddle: ベルトがちゃんと調整されてないぞ、この異教徒め!

HS: ??????

Yuu: What’s he saying?

Deuce: His belt isn’t adjusted on properly.

Jade…Just Jade

Jade: Yuu, hai visto Floyd da qualche parte?

Yuu: I don’t speak uh…

Floyd: Gamberetto! Stiamo facendo una sfida per vedere chi sa parlare meno inglese, vuoi unirti?!

Yuu: ????

[mrs-schoenheit]

Hear me out …. Tighnari!Yuu x Jade Leech

A series of…

Jade : What do you think of this mushroom prefect?

Tighnari!Yuu : *eats the mushroom* *vomits* *pass out*

Jade : Poisonus it is ^ ^

[lemonmaid]

I'm liking having a mental breakdown and stuffing my fatass with popeyes anyways here is...

Chick Flicks that I think the Dorm Leaders have a guilty pleasure for.

Do to that this a different world everything that is popular reference is going to be different! I don't think TWST world has guns or bombs?? So Legally Blonds JFK reference could refer to a King in Port o' Bliss (since Sam is from there, which is a reference to New Orleans). Heather's reference to the Vietnam War could be an overbolt war between kingdoms (obviously for the very very wrong reasons) and JD could've overbolted and Veronica had to kill him.

And I think TWST do have its own fairytale, Enchanted is one of them like "omg what if magic doesn't exists and someone from our world goes there!"

Riddle Rosehearts : Legally Blonde

I feel like he was forced to 'catch up' on pop culture, Cater showed him ( this world's equivalent movie). Out of all the movies he was shown, he liked this one the most.

"So what what's you're favorite part?"

"I loved the fact she proved to everyone that she wasn't a bimbo. Like, seriously? Fashion merchandising is a business school, she wasn't taken seriously because of her greek fraternity? I'm sorry that pink is "too girly" to be taken seriously".

Leona Kingscholar : Heather's

He only watched it because he crashed moive night at Ramshackle. He actually stayed awake for the musical.

"I didn't take you for someone who liked musicals"

"I don't but this moive was enjoyable. You're not supposed to cheer for the cast but to see their flaws which I understand wanting to fit in"

"So you wanna see the live performance?"

"This is on Broadway?".

Azul Ashengrotto : Mean Girls

Azul wanted more guest to come into the lounge so he opened a moive night, Mean Girls was a popular request so popular it is played every Wednesday.

"You know what Azul, you remind me of the mean girls group"

"How so?"

"Well, you're not a fashion statement but you, Jada, and Floyd are kinda of the "It" group. As in "don't fuck with us".

Kalim Al-Asim : Enchanted

Kalim has forced everyone who befriends him to watch this movie, he is obsessed with this type of romance, the very naive and the smitten serious type.

"Oh Yuu! My favorite scene is obviously the dancing in the city!"

"Aww that's so cute Kalim!"

"Yeah! I love this moive! My parents funded the company to make a second one!"

"Oh... Kalim that's .. precious"

Vil Schoenheit : Crazy Rich Asains

This is definitely Vil's favorite moive, like, we've both cried to it. Because for real best romance movie in decades.

"Vil why are you crying?"

"Shut up, you're crying too! I wished I had someone who didn't care about my appearance or my background. I wish I had someone who stood by my side untill the curtain fell"

"STOPPPP YOU'RE MAKING ME CRY MORE".

Idia Shroud : A Slient Voice

I couldn't think of a live-action Idia would genuinely liked, but this counts. Anyways, we had to show him this movie.

"Idia STOP CRYING ON ME!"

"but he... and she....AHHH"

"You know this is rumored to be based off a true story but the guy actually died"

"ahhHHHHHH"

Malleus Draconia : Twilight

You wanted to try and binge watch this entire franchise with the gang one night for a goof, you happened to see Malleus outside and invited him to watch with the gang. To say he was very very interested in this series was a understatement.

"Child of man, explain to me this. Why is she choose the guy who wants nothing to do with her but stalks her?"

"Malleus, I couldn't tell you but don't be an obsessive dick who tries to have an off and on relationship. That's toxic".

"I think I see, but can you explain why the grown man imprints on a literal baby?"

"I cannot tell you".