Kalim: Prefect? What are those bite marks?
Jamil: Kalim, no. *sigh* Don't mind him, senpai. Though you look severely injured.
MC: Malleus and I were biting each other for fun. But I've had underestimated him and now I'm in this condition with a slight teeth pain.
Kalim and Jamil: ...
Jamil: You need to be sent to the clinic right away.
Kalim: Yeah. What if you suddenly become a dragon?
MC: If only that was possible.
Kalim: *grins* Right?
MC: *got bandaged like a mummy*
Malleus: Isn't this too much?
Professor Crewel: You should've seen your friend looking like a zombie walking into my clinic.
Malleus: *removes the bandage around their head*
MC: I feel like I'm in a cocoon. It's surprisingly comfortable. I always thought that being bandaged like this would feel like you were in a condom.
Professor Crewel: *stern* MC.
Malleus: This is out of curiosity, but how could you tell?
MC: My dead brothers and sisters who failed to reach the final destination had told this to me in my dreams.
Malleus and Professor Crewel: ...
Professor Crewel: How are you still sane with this person?
Malleus: I've been asking that myself.
Staff with a scrawny and bitey Child!Yuu
A/N: thought I might as well get the rest of the staff introductions out of the way cause of some asks.
[Bitey child!Yuu Masterlist]
You first officially met Professor Crewel when you walked into your first class with Grim
he was about to start his lesson when he just saw a small child and some type of fire cat thing sitting at one of the desks
just to give you a lil picture, you were prob sitting down on the seat with only your head making it over the desk, same situation with Grim.
so he paused his lesson and brought you two out to the hall to ask what in the ever loving fuck you were here and not with either your parents or the authorities, and why Grim is allowed here
Grim tries to explain, but Crewel just takes you to Crowley to clear things up.
Let's just say Crewel is none too pleased that the headmaster is having a child stay on campus until he can find a way to get them back
but he begrudgingly excepts it.
He allows you to sit in on his lessons but when its time to make the potions he has you sit behind his desk, where you'll usually take a nap
when he first found out about your biting habit it was when a random student walked into his class to talk to a friend or smth, and out of nowhere you just lunged at the poor kid
he quickly pried you off the kid's leg and scolded you.
He hates this habit
but a small part of him finds it funny, especially when the person you bite is being an asshole
is one of the ppl who tries to stop this habit you have.
He's almost like a strict uncle or smth like that
random but, he always fixes your clothes and hair when there messy
he'll always re-tie your bow around your wrist when Grims not around
you will sometimes come to him at random times to help with an untied shoe, he'll sigh, pick you and sit you on his desk then tie em for ya.
Overall, he almost treats you like an untrained puppy. He has a feeling that the reason for your habit isn't as random as most ppl say, but he feels its not his place to ask.
also, you may sometimes take naps on his jacket when he takes it off.
Train has conflicted feelings about you.
First time you met him you didn't bite him, but you did stare at him for a long while
he was so confused by you for a minute, but eventually realized you were staring at Lucius in his arms
so he kneeled down to your level and let you pet the cat.
Most of the stray cats you ran into weren't very nice, most would bite or scratch you
so your not very fond of them, at least not as fond of the as you were dogs
but this cat seemed especially friendly since it was all cuddled up in this old guys arms
after that you'll usually waltz into his class at random times to hang out with Lucius.
He found out about the biting from overhearing a couple students complaining about getting bit
at first he thought they were talking about some animal but then he heard your name
he heavily scolds you the next time he sees you, which you didn't even listen to, just stared at him.
Train isn't pleased by this obv and tries his best to get you to stop, spoiler alert,
You remind him slightly of when one of his daughters was little, so he grew a small soft spot for you
and when he realized how big the uniform was on you and that you didn't have anything else, he was happy to give you some of their old clothes, he was meaning to get rid of them anyway.
Overall, he and Lucius enjoy your presence. He finds it almost adorable how invested you are in his lectures and like having you there. He might be one of the ones who hates your biting the most.
Also very concerned about who taught you this, or why your guardian allowed it to continue.
This mf LOVES you!
Your so strong for a child your age and size.
yeah you bit him
but he gave no reaction
I'm not sure he even felt it to be honest.
You decided to stay in his calf for some reason and he didn't even notice until someone pointed it out
to which he laughed and pulled you off.
Vargas is one of the few that encourages your biting, even giving you tips on how to strengthen your jaw to have a better bite force
he also finds it pretty funny, but he still pulls you off the person when he sees you biting someone
every time he laughs around Train or Crewel they hit the back of his head.
During gym class he does child-friendly exercises with you when he doesn't need to watch the other students,
Overall, thinks your a cool kid and is impressed by you. He doesn't rly care about why you do it tho, just thinks your a weird kid.
He thinks your quite interesting.
The first time he met you was when Grim dragged you with him to get tuna
he heard of you from the students when they were shopping around
so he also heard of the bites
was a lil cautious of you the first time he met ya, not wanting to get bit, but after like a half an hour of you and Grim looking for the tuna and not being able finding it it was on a top shelf
he relaxed and helped you two.
From then on you would come in to get things and he'd have you help around a lil bit to pay for it
minus the occasional biting, you were a good little helper
he even gave you a small pin that said
you loved it so much, that you wore it the whole day on the days you were going to help Sam
and would show it off to your friends
which he heavily much encourages a lot since that time you told Cheka about Sam's Shop, and his dad made a very big purchase.
Overall, he likes having you around, thinks your quite adorable and funny. He's neutral about the biting, as long as you don't bite him or too many customers then he doesn't care all that much.
Slightly curious about who taught you to do it and why they did, but doesn't think its important.
Just hold me
A large Lychee Latte, with cheesecake and cookie dough
Divus Crewel x Gender neutral!Reader+”Hold me” +Fixing them up (Tie,hair,clothes etc)
Your husband was always so on top with his looks,which is why seeing him looking messy made you extremely concerned. You didn’t want to approach the situation too forward,but you knew that he’d talk to you whenever he was ready. On top of that he looked a bit tired,maybe he wasn’t getting enough sleep. You always tried to stop him before he left and fixed up the button he missed or the hair that was out of place.
Tonight there was a fashion show which he had been invited to,of course he asked you to come along,you of course agreed. You had gotten ready but you quickly noticed that he was still a bit tired,his tie was a bit crooked and his hair wasn’t parted completely.
“That’s it,I can’t do this anymore. Are you alright?” You put your hand on his cheek,his expression faded soon replaced by tears streaming down his face. There wasn’t anything you hated more than seeing your husband cry,but you could tell that he needed this.
“No,I’m not. Could you just hold me?” You wrapped your arms around him as he cried. Soon you were both on the floor of your living room,him crying in your arms as you kissed him,brushing away his tears. You had never seen him like this before,it made you feel powerless since you wanted to help but didn’t know how to,all you could do was sit there and rub his back as he cried. He calmed down after a while,he was still holding onto you.
“Wanna talk about it?”
“No,I-I” He heisted before he shook his head “Not now,maybe later but not now”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
“You’ve already done more than enough”
"You know I'm not gonna let go,just because you said that" He just laid his head down on your shoulder "How about we stay home?" He just nodded,and you stayed in that position for a while.
Here's another commission for the wonderful @verticalsea continuing their last comic commission!
You know Ace is going to be in even more trouble now
These guys definitely aren't cut out for taking care of babies 😔
twst Incorrect quote #295
MC: “When you see him, please don’t freak out, ok?”
Crewel *cough* father figure *cough*: “To think you think so lowly of me. I’m not going to freak out. Whoever you’re dating, I’ll accept him.”
MC: “Ok... You can come in.”
*Floyd enters the room*
Crewel: “Leech get out of the way. I am about to see who MC is dating.”
MC: Sooooo I did a thing.
Crewel: Oh dear-
MC: Nonono-it’s completely harmless I promise! Lemme just..*removes hat*
MC: *reveals a white streak they dyed in their hair* U-Um, I just thought it’d be a cool idea for us to be matching. Ya know like a..father-child thing.
Crewel: *crushing you in a hug* Oh pup, you look wonderful.
MC: *hugs back* So am I correct to assume you like it?
Crewel: *chuckling* I love it.~❤️
Trein: Kids these days are such wimps.
Crewel: It's not their fault that back in your day, you had to know how to defend yourself from dinosaurs.
Trein: How old do you think I am!?
Househusband Au HC'S
Summary:Crewel/Crowley/Vil/Rook/Malleus/Idia x gn!reader
Requested by @stygianoir
A/N: my tag list is still packed so hopefully you guys find this 😂
CW:sus gardener Rook, discussions of Idia's depression and fear of death, but I think that's it
Most well dressed parent at the PTA meeting. Puts everyone to shame, and makes all the other parents and teachers jealous.
Cooks five star meals exclusively , and makes sure you get your proper intake of nutrients. He can't have his favorite pup lacking in proper nutrition!
One hundred percent coordinates your outfits for you everyday. You're the best dressed worker, all because your husband hand sews you outfits designed to blow the competition out of the water.
Pretends he's not snuggly, until nighttime, then he gets pouty. He'll be aggressively folding laundry, and not speaking to you until you come to bed and let him hold you.
You own twelve dogs. Each dog has an individual diet it is on, that is hand made by him everyday. He knows exactly what every dog needs, and makes sure to memorize what each dog needs.
If you want kids, you will adopt/birth at least three. He likes a full house. Majored in alchemy before he settled down as your househusband, and is more than happy to tutor not just your kids, but also their friends, in alchemy.
Sings like Roger from 101 dalmatians because I said so. Also he plays the piano like him. Because I said so. I'm weak okay!
They say he had an illustrious career as a model, then he met you. That's only half true though. He was planning on retiring anyway, and just happened to meet you around that time. He likes to let the tabloids believe it was all your fault. It makes him laugh. Vil Schoenheit bows to no one! Now drink your smoothie!
Healthy meals constantly. He somehow managed to make them all taste good though. It's a little suspicious honestly…what does he put in that smoothie? You never liked smoothies for breakfast before…
He likes to do your nightly routine for you. It's his love language. At 7 pm sharp, he clears his throat, and gestures for you to sit down. Then he brushes out your hair, does your skin care routine, dresses you in pajamas, and tucks you in, making sure to give you a kiss on the forehead before he joins you.
If you aren't home in time for your nightly routine, he goes to bed early, turned away from your side of the bed. He will not speak to you, even though you know full well he is awake. He knows deep down it's not your fault, but he has simmering rage and no one else to take it out on.
That said, when you do fight (which you do a lot) he'll storm out before he can be particularly nasty. But you'll wake up to a single rose on the pillow next to you, and a new pair of shoes to wear to work.
You have one fluffy white cat, or one child. It's one or the other in Vil's pristine house. This isn't a barn, for seven's sake.
Cooks, cleans, gardens…. he's made for this life. You don't even know where he gets the time for it.
Rook prides himself on having the best garden in the neighborhood. Your neighbors asked him what fertilizer he used, and he wrapped an arm around you and giggled about how it was "the most organic around". Considering the last time you had to do laundry there were red stains on his clothes, you choose not to ask questions.
If you have kids, there are three of them, each two years apart. He makes the perfect paper bag lunches for them everyday, with little french notes in them (raising bilingual kids in this family). As he drops them off at school he kisses each one on the top of the head, and jovially waves them off.
You have two dogs that he takes hunting with him on his solo weekends (they aren't often, because he can barely stand to part from you!) But you also have a rabbit. He gave it your name, and likes to tease you by saying how he "caught his lapin" and never saying whether he's referring to you or the rabbit.
Another one who makes sure you look your best at work. But his favorite thing is when you forget your lunch, and he "has" to bring it to work for you. This is when he is at his most dressed up, and your outfits compliment eachother the most. He loves the gazes of envy that come his way as he kisses you and hands you your lunch.
When he's not doing chores at break neck speed, he wants you to either be in his arms, or him in yours. He doesn't care which! Please, his poor heart needs you!
Trust fund baby. Born rich, then married you. Tried to convince you not to work, but you wanted to, for whatever reason, so he "allows" it. (Who is he kidding? He could never deny you anything, what a simp) he sulks all day though, moping like a lovesick teen until you come home. Heaven forbid you forget something and have to come back in before you actually left, because he has your boss on speed dial, and will call you in sick. Oh, you just left your wallet? Too late, he assumed you had fallen ill and had chosen to stay home with him!
He's a little clueless on cooking and household chores (Lilia is no help) but he tries! Boy does he try! And it's not half bad. Not stellar, but not bad. You've only gotten food poisoning once, and he's only ever burnt a hole in two of your shirts with an iron.
Loves to serenade you with his violin on special occasions. You know the evening is going to be wonderful when he pulls it out. Oftentimes, it's a song he wrote for you, and sometimes he even sings along. His deep timbre will often have you so relaxed that you start to drift off. He's fine with that! More time to cuddle!
Speaking of, he starts the night out by laying on his side of the bed, and by the end of the night he is wrapped around you like a koala. He also gets very hot at night. You often don't need a blanket. You asked him about it once, and he said something about "draconic internal temperature regulation", whatever the fuck that means.
You had to put him on a budget because he buys you every shiny thing he sees. He always goes over budget, and always insists it's the last time and it will never happen again. This, friends, is what we call a lie.
He's only a househusband in name, really. He still has an income/job in the form of streaming and YouTube videos. But he stays at home, and likes it when you call him your househusband. He gets all blushy and smiley. He likes the idea of being the one you look forward to coming home to.
Ortho lives with you both, obviously. And he does all the cooking and cleaning. But he and Idia have an unspoken agreement that if you ask, he helped too.
Calls you at work at least once a day. It's always during your lunch break though, so that you can "eat lunch together" You know his mental health difficulties are acting up if he calls you more than once though.You don't have to come home, he'll be alright, he just needs to hear your voice.
His stream only knows you as player 2. When you get back from work, he'll say "Oh player 2 just got home!" And get so excited. He'll run off stream to give you a kiss, and won't come back until you remind him he's streaming. His followers have been there through the whole progression of your relationship, and despite not knowing what you look like, and only hearing your voice off screen every once in a while, they adore Gloomy Samurai and Player 2.
You always have two cats at a time, usually the ones at the shelter or humane society that are bonded or siblings. He doesn't want to separate a family, and also gets nervous about the inevitability of death. So you always have two cats. That way if something happens you always have one.
Yes. You get him to start telehealth therapy, and medication. Why do you ask?
He tries, bless his heart. His cooking is not bad, but his cleaning skills are subpar. To be honest, he's not cut out for the househusband life, but you've heard horror stories about how he handled his previous jobs. So for the sake of the world, you do your best to ensure he stays here.
"He's so generous" 🙄 Any time he goes a little bit above what you expected from him, he drops that line. A particularly good dessert? How generous. He actually folded laundry today? So magnanimous. But it hurts his pride if you don't agree, and you married him for some reason, right?
He has an allowance, and usually spends all of it. Sometimes it's gifts for you, but a lot of times it's for him. Which, it's his allowance, so that's fine. But he buys the weirdest stuff and doesn't use it. It just sits around your home.
If you have to work on something on the home computer, good luck to you. Home is for loving him, not working! He'll slip into your lap, give you a sexy pout, and start caressing your cheek, and tracing shapes into your neck. Then he'll start talking about how you're neglecting him, just put the work away and come cuddle with him.
Where he shines though, is if you guys end up with kids. He's a surprisingly good father, making sure they all are clean, safe, and well fed. He helps with homework, and is surprisingly good at it, he's good at seeing what their needs are, he knows immediately when one of the kids is sick, and is at the doctor right away… you don't know where these skills came from. But the second the kids are in bed, he's back to being your needy husband.
Mc/Y/N/Yuu meeting crewel in class for the first time:
Ace: WHY'D YOU RUN OUT OF CLASS LIKE THAT!?
Epel: YEAH, YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT
Mc/Y/N/Yuu: *looking at ace and epel like they just grew 2 heads*
Mc/Y/N/Yuu: you mean to tell me, you don't see a problem with the teacher!?
Mc/Y/N/Yuu: NAH, DON'T YOU ACT DUMB ON ME NOW LIKE ALWAYS
Mc/Y/N/Yuu: BC WHY IN THE WHATEVER WORLD THIS IS DOES HE HAS A F*CKING WHIP!?
Mc/Y/N/Yuu: WHY!? TELL ME THAT ISNT WEIRD I DARE YOU!!
Epel: ...ya know, now that I think about it-
Happy fathers day everyone! Have some Parent/Guardian Figure Staffs AU memes here!
When mc prefers Crewel more as their father figure than Crowley
Imagine this: Child! Mc fanfic part 2 is coming soon
Professor Crewel: *looking for MC*
Professor Crewel: Has anyone seen my rebellious DUCKING child?
Ace, Deuce, and the other first-years: ...
*points behind him*
MC: *in a duck suit* *waddling slowly*
Professor Crewel: *turns his head*
MC: *also turned their head at the same time*
Professor Crewel: ...
Professor Crewel: Stay there—
MC: *waddles away*
Professor Crewel: *runs after them* Halt! HALT!!!
Ace, Deuce, and the other first-years: ...
Crewel: *watches a shrunken Deuce run past* um did you see that?
Trein: was that a baby Deuce…?
Y/n: Did Ace spike the coffee again?
Crowley: Clearly he didn’t spike it enough
Crowley: You know why Yuu is still here and not on earth?
Crewel: Why? Bc your lazy to find there way home?
Crowley: No! It's bc they are orphan!
Crowley: Orphans are never wanted!
a drabble In which Yuu/Mc realizes Crewel has become their father figure.
Summer vacation is fast approaching and Yuu is...still there. It’s not surprising but also very upsetting. But right now the most pressing issue is how they will spend the summer. Because with the school being closed for the next few months, Yuu is kinda screwed and will likely be stuck as a grounds keeper for Crowley just so they have a place to stay. Luckily for them, the rest of the staff won’t let that happen. They all debate on who should act as Yuus guardian over the summer. Trein initially offers. He’s a father himself and raised two girls, what's one more child for a couple months? Crewel immediately shoots it down, and says he will gladly take Yuu in. He says it would be best for them to go with who they would be most comfortable with, and as their homeroom teacher they know him best. But truthfully Crewel has grown rather fond of Yuu over the school year. To simply pass them off on someone else felt wrong. Besides, a summer with old Trein? His pup would be bored out of their skull and he can’t have that. Other staff members offered up their homes, but Crewel refused to back down on the matter, and it was decided Yuu would be sent to live with him.
On the last day of school, after everyone had gone, Yuu and Grim packed whatever few belonging they had into the back of Crewels car before bidding campus farewell for the time being. The drive isn't very long, and they are soon pulling up to the surprisingly large house. A few excited dogs run up to greet them, and Yuu thinks this may not be so bad. Crewel shows them to their room. Grim makes himself comfortable on the bed as Crewel explains the house rules. Which isn't much, mostly the usual clean up after your self, if you're going out let him know, etc. For such a strict professor, he’s oddly lax as a guardian. As the next couple weeks pass, things are...normal. Yuu sleeps in a bit, plays with the dogs, maybe walk around with Grim to explore the neighborhood, is always back in time to help Crewel make dinner. This is the most stability Yuu has had in almost a year and it feels surreal. They keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never comes. Instead of Overblots and magical misshaps, they get lake visits and shopping trips.
Their room is comfortable. The first week there Crewel helped them unpack and even offered to take them to get a few things to make it more to their liking. Like picking out bedsheets, curtains, maybe some posters. Yuu doesn't want to take advantage of their teachers' generosity, but Crewel won’t take no for an answer, and soon the room feels almost like Yuu had lived there the whole time. Even the dogs have taken to napping at the foot of the bed with Grim as if it's always been this way. Among the things Crewel got for Yuu was a new phone. He said the one Crowely gave them was no better than a cheap brick, and that they needed something that wasn’t going to give out on them anytime soon. Especially in an emergency. Yuu realized Crewel was serious when they and Grim got lost on one of their outings. They ventured farther into town and got completely lost. Every Turn seemed to make it worse and the streetlights had already come on. Not knowing what else to do, Yuu called Crewel who picked up after a couple rings.
“Hello, Pup, having fun out there?”
“Um…Crewel? I need help.”
His voice got very serious at hearing how worried they sounded. “What’s wrong?”
“Grim and I got lost in town and I have no clue how to get back to the house.”
“Do you know the street name you're on?”
“Um…White Avenue. And there's a cafe nearby called the Red Rose.”
“Alright, I’ll be there in about ten minutes. Just stay put.”
And true to his word, Crewel pulls up in his car soon after, asking if they're okay. Yuu felt an overwhelming sense of relief. They had gotten so used to dealing with everything themselves, that something as simple as being picked up when they're lost was refreshing.
As the summer went on Crewel continued to look after Yuu. From getting their back to school supplies. Taking them on day trips to visit friends. Even scolding them to stay in bed and drink their medicine when they got a nasty cold after getting caught in the rain. One night as they were video chatting with Deuce and Ace, Crewel came into the room and reminded them not to be up too late since they had a ton of errands to run tomorrow and said goodnight.
“He sounds like your dad.” Ace joked.
“Papa Crewel!” Grim agreed, knowing better than the boys that that wasn’t much of an exaggeration.
Yuu only rolled their eyes. “He’s just being responsible and looking after me.”
“Like a parent would.” Deuce said.
“Are you going to change your last name when Crewel adopts you?” Ace continued to tease. Yuu let him have his fun, but the thought of their professor being like their dad stuck in their head long after the call ended.
An old friend of Crewels was having a baby, and Yuu had tagged along with him to the shower. Everyone was nice to them, people were laughing as the new mother opened gifts. Parents were sharing stories and had their children running about. Yet Yuu had never felt so…alone. In school they had their peers and friends, there was hardly a chance to be lonely. But here everyone was so familiar with one another, family and life long friends. Yuu felt that familiar sense of hollowness they felt over winter break. They missed their friends and family back home. They tried not to dwell on the very real possibility they would never see them again. When it was finally time to leave, Crewel noted how silent Yuu was on the drive back.
Yuu can’t sleep that night. Not wanting to disturb Grim or the dogs, they slowly slip out of bed and wander the halls of the large house. Eventually they sat in the dark of the living room. Hugging a furry pillow, Yuu started to cry. All the loneliness and homesickness that had built up finally came bursting out in muffled sobs. They didn’t know how long they sat in the dark until a familiar voice interrupted.
“Pup? What’s wrong?”
Crewel sat next to them wondering if Yuu had hurt themselves or something. Instead they threw their arms around him and kept crying, the sound no longer muffled by the pillow. Through their sniffling, he managed to figure out what was wrong and hugged them back. Telling them that it would be alright. They weren’t alone. They had him, Grim, and all their friends.
As Crewel continued to comfort them, they realized Ace wasn’t really joking. Crewel had become a father to them in every way that mattered.
twst Incorrect quote #237
Floyd: “Do you know that we are made of atoms?”
Floyd: “And atoms never touch each other.”
Floyd: “So in my defence, I did not punch that guy.”
Crowley: “....What the-”
Crewel: *genuinely proud this boy understood something from his class*