#unfollow and block buttons are right there for use at your disposal

[doberbutts]

vilkasdaina replied to your post “Is your new puppy really healthy? She looks sickly and thin”

How is that puppy unhealthy looking?

The answer is that there are people who actively don’t like me or my blog or how I run my life and have nothing better to do than be inflammatory for no reason. Can’t stand to see me living my best life happy and unconcerned about what people I’ll never meet think of the choices I make.

[soopersara]

I looooove Zutara so much. But I’m exhausted by how much the Zutara fandom focuses on salt and hate on Aang/Mai/Bryke/ATLA so much rather than celebrating Zutara, I can barely find 100% Zutara positivity blog spaces. Even in the Zutara Discord there’s never-ending activity in the salt tags. Like, I had no idea it was possible for a fandom to be so consistently angry, but that’s what a lot of Zutarians literally are like. 1/2

The Dramione fandom in contrast is never like this, Dramione shippers just love to celebrate without hating and dissing on canon events so much. Who cares about canon when we know what we love? Why spend so much energy thinking about something they hate? 2/2

I really don’t have any frame of reference for what other fandoms or ships are like. The ATLA fandom (and Zutara specifically) is the first fandom I ever joined, and it’s still my only fandom. I had to stare at your asks for a minute before I even knew where to begin, so bear with me. 

The thing is, people enjoy things in vastly different ways. While you may not enjoy analysis and criticism of the show (which is perfectly valid!), the fact that a lot of people participate in criticism doesn’t mean that they’re always angry or dedicating all of their time to things that they hate. If we genuinely didn’t like the show, we wouldn’t be here, it’s that simple. But a lot of us (myself included, at times), find it satisfying and even fun to pick apart and articulate the things that fell short for us. 

When I first watched the show, there were parts of the ending that niggled at me, and it was frustrating not being able to express what bothered me about it. It wasn’t until I spent time digging around some salty/critical blogs that I started seeing some of my problems with the show being pointed out in ways that helped me figure out how to articulate both what bothered me and the ways I wish they’d been done instead (which, incidentally, has fed into all of my fics). But I wasn’t angry about the show. I didn’t (and don’t) hate the show. It’s like I told an anon who asked if I hated Aang... oh, god, it’s been MONTHS ago now: It’s possible to like/love things and still wish that they were better. And that, for me, is where critcism of the show, characters, and relationships comes from. I love so many things about this show and its characters that I really notice the things that bother me, and I like talking about them because I care about the story, and discussing the things that could have been different has helped me improve as a writer. 

Now I’m not a mind reader, so I can’t say for sure, but I’m almost positive that the vast majority of Zutara shippers are coming from the same place. We love the show and its characters, and yet we wish that certain things could have been better. It probably looks like we’re angrier than we really are when we get into deep discussion mode, because... honestly, it would be exhausting to preface every statement with “I love _____, but I wish they’d done ______ instead.” So we don’t say that. Probably ever. Because most of us who do engage in critical/salty discussions come into the conversation with the base assumption that that’s where all the criticism comes from, and it’s easy to forget that there might be people in those spaces who don’t know that.

Of course, there are people who genuinely dislike certain characters or whatever, but of everyone I know, I can think of maybe... two? -ish? who truly hate the characters that that Zutara fandom is most critical of. That’s fine! Those people don’t have to like things just because they exist in the show! But the vast majority of us criticize because we saw potential that wasn’t realized and we want to analyze that, not because we hate the foundation of the show/character/whatever else.

I’m glad that you’ve had a positive, salt-free (or low-salt) experience in the Dramione fandom, but like I said, I’m not in any other fandoms, so I don’t have personal experience with how they work. I’ve heard from other people that there’s salt to be found in every fandom, but I’m guessing that Harry Potter is such a massive fandom that it’s easy to avoid if you don’t want to see it. The Zutara fandom is medium-ish, so there’s fewer niches to carve out within the ship itself.

That said, if you still want to cut back on the salt in your Zutara fandom experience, don’t be afraid to use the tools that social media platforms put at your disposal. If you notice someone whose posts bother you on ANY platform, it’s okay to unfollow or block them so you don’t see their stuff. On Discord, you can mute and hide any salt channels or categories that are bothering you (or depending on the server, have the whole salt role taken away completely if you’re sure you’re not going to use it). And it’s totally okay to redirect people to salt channels if they start geting off topic in other places! I do it fairly often when people start slipping into NSFW content in general channels. On Tumblr, you can filter tags (I admit that I suck at tagging reblogs because I’m LAZY, but the OPs generally tag correctly, and Tumblr’s filters use the OP’s tags too). “Anti-character/relationship”, “character/relationship salt”, and “character/relationship critical” might be good tags to start with, since those are fairly common. I wouldn’t recommend following the Zutara ship tag on Tumblr, because there’s sometimes mistagged stuff from other parts of the fandom (*cough* antis *cough*), but following a small number of blogs you do like and letting them sort your content for you is pretty nice. And... that’s probably all the advice I have, since I’m only on those two platforms. But remember that the block button is your friend and you’re fully within your rights to customize your social media experience any way you like!

...wowza, I got chatty. Anyway, I hope you’re not too discouraged by your experience in the fandom. The criticism really does come from a place of love and wanting to be able to create better fan content, and as proof, I think I’m going to squeeze in one more writing sprint before I fall asleep so I can bring more Zutara content into the world. 

Hugs, anon! I hope you can figure out how to make your time in the Zutara fandom what you want it to be.

[thedoublycursed]

// Okay, listen.

Instead of attacking people for producing content you don’t like, you know what would be a better solution, for everyone? Taking advantage of that really awesome, totally useful unfollow button! 

Because, I hate to break this to you, but. It is no one’s responsibility to make your dash a place that makes you 100% comfortable. It’s your responsibility to use all the nifty tools at your disposal to cultivate a dash that you enjoy, by follow/unfollowing, blocking, blacklisting, doing whatever you need to do to make things exactly the way you like them. 

So, my friends, the next time you feel like laying into someone for what is on their blog, consider this: the world doesn’t revolve around you. The rest of us are not NPCs in your crappy story. You can worry about your safe space, but what about theirs? Each person here has a right to talk about whatever they want on their own blog; you are the one who decided to follow them. 

Easy. Fix! I promise, it’s so easy. 

[son-of-skarmory]

((I'm noticing a LOT of people getting anon hate and/or rude/insensitive anons recently. As someone who's been in this community nearly 3 years, let me make something clear: This is not okay. Period. To anyone getting bad anons: please do not take it personally. I have a feeling it's either a) someone very new to the rp scene who doesn't understand boundaries and such yet, or b) someone who gets off on hurting others. What they're saying has nothing to do with you, and you are wonderful and loved and please don't let them taint your rp experience. Don't hesitate to block people, and if worse comes to worse I think there are a few people here who know how to block IP addresses or something like that. If you are sending these types of anons, or you're noticing you're being blocked by a lot of people: STOP. No one in this community owes you anything, and don't you dare try to force your insecurities on someone else and make them feel guilty. You control the content on YOUR dash, and while you can ask people to tag things that bother you, you have no right to tell them what they can/cannot or should/shouldn't post. You have this great thing called the 'unfollow' button at your disposal, and if you aren't able and mature enough to use that them maybe you should re-think your presence on tumblr. I am a soft soul, but I will not tolerate seeing people-even those I don't interact directly with and only watch from afar-be harassed. Everyone out there, please keep safe. I'm sending my love to those who need it.))

[fesahaawit]

Why I Finally Decided to Do a Spending Cleanse

Hi friends! For the month of October, I’ll be publishing a new post every Monday talking about work + my slow work experiment. As part of that work, I want to share stories + the results of experiments other people are doing. These are guest posts that have been sent in from online friends all around the world, and my hope is they will remind you that it doesn’t matter when you begin a new experiment. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s always worth changing things up and trying something new. This first post is from Chelsea in Vancouver, BC.

It was the lady at the post office that did it. The packages from my online shopping sprees kept getting diverted to my nearest post office, and I kept having to trudge there, not excited about the package awaiting me but dreading seeing the post office clerk. Idle online shopping had become such a habit that I sometimes lost track of what deliveries I was expecting.

During my last pick-up in May, I had three packages to pick up at once. The clerk fetched them, then said casually, “Lots of new clothes, hey?”

Ugh. I left feeling disgusted with myself. I’m sure she meant no judgment; she was probably just making casual conversation. Much of the judgement I perceived was my own, projected onto her.  

But on the bright side, someone who shops that much must have an expansive and enviable wardrobe, right?

Wrong.

No one who sees me regularly would say that I have a particularly noteworthy wardrobe. I wear the same favourite items over and over and over. I have stacks and rows of clothes I never wear or wear a couple of times before I shrink them, stain them, or grow tired of them. Or they, being poor-quality fast fashion, look terrible after a couple of washes.

Clothes weren’t my only problem. I bought books like crazy – faster than I can read them. Until I was out of bookshelf room (I’d best be getting myself to IKEA to buy some more shelves, I thought) with a solid collection of books I’ve been meaning to read, but haven’t.

I had known for some time that I needed to change. But it was that casual comment from the post office clerk that finally made me do something.

That’s how my spending cleanse began.

The Rules for My Spending Cleanse

It was decided: starting June 1, I wouldn’t shop for six months. It started as three, but I quickly realized that to break my bad habits and recalibrate my relationship with stuff, I needed to make it longer and at least a little uncomfortable.

I’ve long been a reader of this blog, so I knew where to look for tips and tricks. Cait’s shopping ban resources helped me to plan my cleanse. I decided on the following rules:

Obviously, I could buy food.

I could also replace any health and beauty products that run out – provided that they’re ones I use daily: mascara, under-eye concealer, shampoo, moisturizer. No new nail polish or lipstick or elixirs or balms or anything that isn’t already part of my routine.

Per Cait’s practice, I also created a list of allowable items that I knew I would end up needing sooner than later, including a vacuum cleaner, a new sleeping bag (mine had a broken zipper), and a new blazer for my rare but important in-person meetings. The rule for these items was this: I had to do some research and buy quality. Nothing designed to be disposable – think fast fashion or Canadian Tire throwaway camping gear. (If you had told me five years ago that I would buy a $400 vacuum cleaner, I would have called you crazy, but I did and I love it. I’ve bought and discarded three $100 vacuum cleaners, and they suck – or don’t suck, actually.)

The Tricks & Techniques That Have Helped Me

I told everyone what I was doing. I wanted my people to keep me accountable – and to risk embarrassment if I slipped up, or (even worse) abandoned the cleanse altogether.

I unsubscribed and unfollowed. As I mentioned, my problem wasn’t too many trips to the mall. It was idle online shopping, often while I was at home on a rainy night watching Netflix. I would catch wind of a sale at one of my favourite retailers on Facebook, Instagram, or in my email inbox, and before I knew it I would have $250 of merchandise on its way to me (but it was $350 full price!, I would tell myself). So a big and important trick was to unfollow all retailers on social media, and to unsubscribe from their emails. I didn’t need to know about all the beautiful things they have in stock, or about the opportunities to get my hands on them for less. Goodbye, digital consumerist clutter.

I blocked my favourite retailers’ websites. For the companies that most tempt me to part with my hard-earned money – Madewell, Aritzia, JCrew, Everlane – I went a step farther and blocked their websites on my browser with a Chrome Extension called StayFocusd. (This extension also limits my time on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to a cumulative 30 minutes per day – great for a writer who’s prone to procrastination.)

I stopped carrying my credit card in my wallet. I still needed it for bigger travel expenses, but on a day-to-day basis it stayed at home, and I used my debit card (AKA money I actually have!).

I gave more than half of my clothes away. I can thank Cait for this somewhat counterintuitive tip. It’s a lot easier to feel like you have nothing good to wear when your favourites are hidden amongst a bunch of items you hate/don’t fit/never wear. Get rid of them, or at least store them somewhere you don’t see them every day. My closet is mostly empty now, but I love and regularly wear everything in it.

The Results (So Far)

Now more than halfway into my cleanse, most of the results are spiritual/mental/emotional rather than financial. I’m a freelance writer and consultant, so my income is inconsistent, and I happily slow down in the summer. Plus, summer life is rather pricy. I’ve been on a number of trips, including to the budget nightmare that is New York City – so my bank balance certainly hasn’t climbed to where I would like. This is making me wonder if I should extend my ban through the winter, since those are the months when I’m most tempted to shop.

Me + Netflix + a glass or two of wine = unintended shopping sprees.

The main benefits I’m noticing are internal. Shopping hasn’t been something I’ve missed; in fact, not doing it has oddly felt like a relief. I don’t miss that walk of shame to the post office, or the feeling of buyer’s remorse I used to experience sometimes just moments after hitting the ‘Complete Purchase’ button, knowing I’d broken yet another promise to myself. For the last four months, I’ve kept this promise to myself on a daily basis, and it has felt really good.

I’ll be back to write more about this experience in December, when I either finish my cleanse or decide to extend it another three months. The way I’m feeling right now, I think the latter is likely.

In 2015, Chelsea (somewhat impulsively) quit her agency job to be a freelance writer/strategist/digital nomad, and she hasn’t looked back since. Her homebase is Vancouver, but that’s just where she gets her mail. You can read more of her work at Chelsea Tells Stories or chelseaherman.com.

Why I Finally Decided to Do a Spending Cleanse posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

[fesahaawit]

Why I Finally Decided to Do a Spending Cleanse

Hi friends! For the month of October, I’ll be publishing a new post every Monday talking about work + my slow work experiment. As part of that work, I want to share stories + the results of experiments other people are doing. These are guest posts that have been sent in from online friends all around the world, and my hope is they will remind you that it doesn’t matter when you begin a new experiment. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s always worth changing things up and trying something new. This first post is from Chelsea in Vancouver, BC.

It was the lady at the post office that did it. The packages from my online shopping sprees kept getting diverted to my nearest post office, and I kept having to trudge there, not excited about the package awaiting me but dreading seeing the post office clerk. Idle online shopping had become such a habit that I sometimes lost track of what deliveries I was expecting.

During my last pick-up in May, I had three packages to pick up at once. The clerk fetched them, then said casually, “Lots of new clothes, hey?”

Ugh. I left feeling disgusted with myself. I’m sure she meant no judgment; she was probably just making casual conversation. Much of the judgement I perceived was my own, projected onto her.  

But on the bright side, someone who shops that much must have an expansive and enviable wardrobe, right?

Wrong.

No one who sees me regularly would say that I have a particularly noteworthy wardrobe. I wear the same favourite items over and over and over. I have stacks and rows of clothes I never wear or wear a couple of times before I shrink them, stain them, or grow tired of them. Or they, being poor-quality fast fashion, look terrible after a couple of washes.

Clothes weren’t my only problem. I bought books like crazy – faster than I can read them. Until I was out of bookshelf room (I’d best be getting myself to IKEA to buy some more shelves, I thought) with a solid collection of books I’ve been meaning to read, but haven’t.

I had known for some time that I needed to change. But it was that casual comment from the post office clerk that finally made me do something.

That’s how my spending cleanse began.

The Rules for My Spending Cleanse

It was decided: starting June 1, I wouldn’t shop for six months. It started as three, but I quickly realized that to break my bad habits and recalibrate my relationship with stuff, I needed to make it longer and at least a little uncomfortable.

I’ve long been a reader of this blog, so I knew where to look for tips and tricks. Cait’s shopping ban resources helped me to plan my cleanse. I decided on the following rules:

Obviously, I could buy food.

I could also replace any health and beauty products that run out – provided that they’re ones I use daily: mascara, under-eye concealer, shampoo, moisturizer. No new nail polish or lipstick or elixirs or balms or anything that isn’t already part of my routine.

Per Cait’s practice, I also created a list of allowable items that I knew I would end up needing sooner than later, including a vacuum cleaner, a new sleeping bag (mine had a broken zipper), and a new blazer for my rare but important in-person meetings. The rule for these items was this: I had to do some research and buy quality. Nothing designed to be disposable – think fast fashion or Canadian Tire throwaway camping gear. (If you had told me five years ago that I would buy a $400 vacuum cleaner, I would have called you crazy, but I did and I love it. I’ve bought and discarded three $100 vacuum cleaners, and they suck – or don’t suck, actually.)

The Tricks & Techniques That Have Helped Me

I told everyone what I was doing. I wanted my people to keep me accountable – and to risk embarrassment if I slipped up, or (even worse) abandoned the cleanse altogether.

I unsubscribed and unfollowed. As I mentioned, my problem wasn’t too many trips to the mall. It was idle online shopping, often while I was at home on a rainy night watching Netflix. I would catch wind of a sale at one of my favourite retailers on Facebook, Instagram, or in my email inbox, and before I knew it I would have $250 of merchandise on its way to me (but it was $350 full price!, I would tell myself). So a big and important trick was to unfollow all retailers on social media, and to unsubscribe from their emails. I didn’t need to know about all the beautiful things they have in stock, or about the opportunities to get my hands on them for less. Goodbye, digital consumerist clutter.

I blocked my favourite retailers’ websites. For the companies that most tempt me to part with my hard-earned money – Madewell, Aritzia, JCrew, Everlane – I went a step farther and blocked their websites on my browser with a Chrome Extension called StayFocusd. (This extension also limits my time on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to a cumulative 30 minutes per day – great for a writer who’s prone to procrastination.)

I stopped carrying my credit card in my wallet. I still needed it for bigger travel expenses, but on a day-to-day basis it stayed at home, and I used my debit card (AKA money I actually have!).

I gave more than half of my clothes away. I can thank Cait for this somewhat counterintuitive tip. It’s a lot easier to feel like you have nothing good to wear when your favourites are hidden amongst a bunch of items you hate/don’t fit/never wear. Get rid of them, or at least store them somewhere you don’t see them every day. My closet is mostly empty now, but I love and regularly wear everything in it.

The Results (So Far)

Now more than halfway into my cleanse, most of the results are spiritual/mental/emotional rather than financial. I’m a freelance writer and consultant, so my income is inconsistent, and I happily slow down in the summer. Plus, summer life is rather pricy. I’ve been on a number of trips, including to the budget nightmare that is New York City – so my bank balance certainly hasn’t climbed to where I would like. This is making me wonder if I should extend my ban through the winter, since those are the months when I’m most tempted to shop.

Me + Netflix + a glass or two of wine = unintended shopping sprees.

The main benefits I’m noticing are internal. Shopping hasn’t been something I’ve missed; in fact, not doing it has oddly felt like a relief. I don’t miss that walk of shame to the post office, or the feeling of buyer’s remorse I used to experience sometimes just moments after hitting the ‘Complete Purchase’ button, knowing I’d broken yet another promise to myself. For the last four months, I’ve kept this promise to myself on a daily basis, and it has felt really good.

I’ll be back to write more about this experience in December, when I either finish my cleanse or decide to extend it another three months. The way I’m feeling right now, I think the latter is likely.

In 2015, Chelsea (somewhat impulsively) quit her agency job to be a freelance writer/strategist/digital nomad, and she hasn’t looked back since. Her homebase is Vancouver, but that’s just where she gets her mail. You can read more of her work at Chelsea Tells Stories or chelseaherman.com.

Why I Finally Decided to Do a Spending Cleanse posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ