#unknown species: anon

[unknownspecies]

INSPIRED FROM A BINGE READ OF YOUR CONTENT, BUT I FOUND THIS ONE THOUGHT AND I NEED TO GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD BECAUSE

Ushijima likes to admit that he's handsome but only when it comes to you having some effect of it right?

Cue him actually starting to like to take care of himself better, just to have you more closer to him, if that's even possible. He went all out by getting new skincare, body lotions, the best sunscreen he could find, sheet masks and what not.

Just to push things randomly into your face and be flustered himself. like he would genuinely be fully flushed at the thought of you caressing his face, but on the outside, he shows that he is just interested in skincare. (bubby hasn't learnt how to effectively explain and communicate his latest addiction: you)

So when he brings you to the bathroom, let's you sit on the counter while you bite on your lip trying to figure out exactly how to use the product, he will stand there, just looking at you concentrate. Really just being glad that someone is taking care of him, since no one has really done that except a few people in his life.

And once you figure out and flash him that 'I did it' smile, a smile naturally extends to his face. Cut to him literally looking like a huge soft puppy when you touch his face to apply the clay mask.

"Why can't you use your fingers to apply instead of this thing" "Toshi this thing is made for applying the mask" "But your fingers are softer"

"No don't apply too close to my lips" "Toshi i need to cover your entire face hun" "No" "Why not" "I can't kiss you if that's on my mouth" (Has the most stoic face as he says this, but seeing you blush, he slips in his flushed side as well)

I have more thoughts and i need to turn them into a fic but YOU

NOW I SHALL BE THINKING ABOUT TAKING CARE OF TOSHI ALL DAY THANKYOU

MWAH

- SCREAMING ANON

OMG ANON SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG TO ANSWER 😭

but im here now so lets see >:)

dude. yes. I stand by the fact that Ushijima Wakatoshi visually takes care of himself only when he starts seeing you flustered. You know damn well he did a bunch of research on skincare before he bought a bunch of products. He asked his teammates, went on websites online, and even watched a few skin routine videos on youtube before he did a big haul.

AND OMG. him just shoving products in your face and pretending it's not because he wants you to touch him 😩. It's not that he's pretending to not care about you, just like anon said, its just that he doesn't know how to properly say that "I just want you to touch me" (i wanna love you, i wanna feel you, i wanna touch and kiss and caress you ! 💀)

Ushijima would definitely love being doted on by you as well. He's in love with the feelings of your fingers grazing over his face as you see which products to use.

You'd be sitting on the counter holding the box of some random face mask he bought, face scrunched in concentration as you're reading the instructions. And your other hand? Its resting on his jaw, thumb softly going back and forth. The moment you want to take your hand away from him, he'll lay his palm over your hand, keeping it in place.

Eventually you'll realize exactly why he bought a bunch of skin care products, but by then you'll already have a routine ;) mind you, this routine mainly involves you doing both your own and ushi's skin care.

He'll also fall in love with one more habit that you made: spa days. It started when he came home from practice super sore. You decided to do a full care routine for him. Face masks, a small mani pedi (it was just you clipping and filing his nails, and putting some of the nail strengthener polish on them), and the best part: a full body massage. You bought a bottle of mixed oils so that you could help him completely relax. And oh did he enjoy it.

He enjoyed how your hands felt on him, and how you helped him relax. He enjoyed how your face was red as you massaged his shoulders, his arms, his back, his thighs. He enjoyed how even though your voice was stuttering, how you were struggling to breath and even swallow you own saliva, you're hands never faltered and continued putting pressure on where he was sore.

The second time this happened, Ushi just wanted some attention 🥺, so he pretended to be much more sore than he was so that he could have you touch him again. Thus came the routine that happened once every one or two months.

Either way. Toshi is a sucker for you and your touch. Which is exactly why he'll never use the products himself. And the only way you'll convince him to put the mask on his lips as well is because a) you'll be doing the mask over your lips as well (despite him using some horrible reasons not to) and b0 you claim that his lips will be even softer for you to kiss. And well, he wouldn't mind waiting an hour or two (he would mind very much).

[eternity-has-seen-her-live]

How are you doing?

"Well enough. I'm adjusting to life on the Ygraine decently well."

[yaut-jaknowit]

Trio of bad bloods obsessed with their human mechanic. So much so that said human has no choice but to live on their ship because they'd be dammed if someone else touched you! (Not that the human is complaining, lol) The human is smitten :3 perhaps said human teases them to break the sexual tension?

Scared to come off anon still, but I adore your works! ♡

Not A Bad Sight

Pairings: Mai'tuiudh (Male), A'jiadh (Male), Zaikeh (Female) x Mechanic!Reader

Word Count: 2179

Summary: The same trio always shows up every month, sometimes even shorter. You've come to learn more about them both in contact and in passing. You work on their ship. They do ask for you by name. You get their craft operating every time. The longer this goes on, the less the trio wants to let you go.

Author Note: This is a fantastic idea! I loved writing this so much. Also, this gave me an idea for anons. For those who are using Anon, could you use an emoji or even a nickname to distinguish everyone. Another thing, I promise I don't bite! If you want to jump into my Dms and rant about Yautjas, I'll be right there with you

Masterlist

Ao3

Sweat dribbled down your forehead. The heat of the place nearly overwhelming if you hadn’t grown use to it day in, day out. A small electrical fan spun on the highest setting and blew slightly cooler air at you. Not too much of a difference. Someone would have to pry the thing out of your melted, sweat hands before you would give it up though.

With your forearm, you swiped away the offending salty drip of water and continued to tighten a bolt. This was such an easy fix, one any of those hunks of meat could easily do themselves. They are known to get their hands dirty.

Those large muscles you knew had to take years to perfect aren’t a sight you would turn away from. Said muscles could easily unlogde this moderate size space rock, pull the damage panelling up, then replace it.

Not even the hardware underneath the panel was damaged. But nope, the trio came sauntering and always asked you by name. Your boss could care less. It earned her money. Money in both of your pockets was a job well done. Though, you came by honesty with them and let them know this was more trouble for their pockets then it was worth to have you fix. All of them insisted you fixed it, trusting their ship in your hands.

For whatever reason, they always wanted you to make all the repairs on their vessel.

Said vessel was sleek, clean, a speed class with just a hair of defense to take a hit or two. The speed came with its downfall when it came to space junk or debris. That’s why it’s here right now.

A grunt surpassed your lips once the last bolt was secured. You proudly smirked down at the completed work then hoped off the wing.

This ship was a beauty to work on. Yautjas rarely let anyone work on their ships. So, to have an opportunity like this fall into your hands. It would be stupid to pass it on to someone else. Especially seeing all three of them walk out of the shop to pass the time. You hated to see them go but the sight was beautiful.

Like the countless times before, you send a ping to Mai’tuiudh. He’s the leader of the bunch. Well… ‘leader’. He takes charge during the transactions but it’s A’jiadh who chats you up. Then, there’s Zaikeh. The lumber giant even to the other two. A female from the pieces of information you’ve been able to pull about Yautjas and their societies.

Due to the day winding down, you stayed up at the front desk and waited for your familiar customers to walk through. A tablet in hand to keep yourself busy until then.

It’s a rarity to see a female, that you know of from personal experience and the universe wide web. The reason is unknown to you but maybe you could pull the information from one of them one day.

Of course, who knows if the Yautjas are purposefully removing knowledge of their inner workings. They don’t actively seek out other species and stick to their own. A forward going species with a serious attitude that hung to the very depths of their DNA.

A soft ding pulled you from your device and glancing at the only door in and out of this place. In walked the trio you’ve grown to know. You stood up and dipped your head in greeting. “Well, if it isn’t my favorite customers,” you greeted with a knowing smirk, your eyes finding Mai in the front.

Said male strolled into the front area and stopped at the counter dividing the four of you. His partners in crime followed in after him and paused at his sides. A’jiadh leans onto the stone tabletop and pushed closer to your personal space. There was a glint in his eyes you’ve grown to learn. He’s a cheeky little fucker and loves to see you act in any submissive way. You didn’t know if this was him personally or a trait among the Yautjas being such a dominant race.

The others showed the same trait but less of an amount. Just in causal passing, you guessed.

Before Mai could have the chance to speak, A’jiadh beat him to the punch. “So, dollface, everything fixed up for us or were you wanting to see us again for encouragement? Because I can give you all encouragement you could ever ask for,” he teased and leaned even closer to you.

Countless times around the forward Yautja, you’ve learned to just stay where you at. You huffed and rolled your eyes. “You know you could’ve fixed this yourself. You have all the right tools. Nothing was damaged,” you voiced the situations details again with a helpful tone.

Despite not falling into his tricks, A’jiadh wasn’t discouraged at all. No matter how many times you ignored the flirty comments he would throw at you.

Mai shoulder checked the mottled olive green Yautja to the side and fully stepped up to the plate. “How much?” His voice was gravelly and sent a shiver down your spine every time.

You grabbed the tablet off of the counter and scrolled through the list of customers until landing on them. The price was something you would never be willing to pay for something so simple that a child could do… if they had the strength to get the bolts off. But these are Yautjas. Probably the strongest known species that traveled the universe.

Labor and materials do cost a pretty credit around here though. You’re the best known in the system.

A heft sigh pushed the air out of your lungs. You set the tablet on the tall counter in front of him. “Well, it’s gonna be a pretty five-hundred and six credit repair,” you said and pointed towards the bottom of the page where it was typed out.

A’jiadh ‘oo’ed then lifted one of his upper mandibles, resembling a human-like smirk. “Pretty like you.” You raised a single brow at the Yautja before you put your hands on your hips, jutting one out.

“Love, you couldn’t handle me,” you said and shook your head to feign discouragement to the Yautja. It’s not like you wanted them to give up. No, instead, you wanted them to chase. Predator vs prey.

Fire blazed to life in his teal blue eyes. You weren’t oblivious to their intentions. Far from it. You knew their game as the hunters their species is known for. A game you were more than happy to play along with. But it’ll be a hard game. No easy mode.

“Is that so?” he purred out, muscles tensing as if he was readying himself for a hunt.

Before the game could continue between the two of you, Mai handed back the device. “All paid,” he interrupted and rested an elbow on the high counter afterwards. Your gaze jumped over to him. You took the tablet back and set it off to the side.

“Well, come on folks, your chariot awaits.” They’ve been back here so many times that you didn’t necessarily needed to lead them but decided to anyhow. Again, you would love to be on the other side of them. All of them walking away.

The door opened to reveal the massive hanger with many other vessels in here for repairs. Always busy, always working here. A shop that does good work always has an influx of customers. That’s this shop.

Closer to the front of the line up, sat their beautifully crafted ship. You loved to work on it every time they brough it in. Stunning in style and sleekness. You could never get enough of it. A smile worked its way onto your face before you stopped and about faced. “Here’s your beauty. Everything checked out. I got bored and ran a check on all the systems to ensure they were working properly. No issues. I’m happy to say she has a clean bill of health.”

Zaikeh stopped at your side, facing the ship. She looked down at you. Like usual, the black scaled Yautja stayed quiet and observed you within the silence. It freaked you at first but you have come to learn that’s just how she is.

“Got any questions for me?” you asked the trio before fully releasing the ship back into their care.

A’jaidh chirped and crowded into your space. You didn’t back down and enjoyed his heat brushing against your skin. A better feel than the sweltering heat the hanger gets on average. “What would it take for you to come with us?” he questioned.

Out of all the times you’ve interacted with them, these words surprised you. Your brows shot up to your hair line. Your mouth sputtered for a moment to find the right words. “W-what do you me-an?” Come with them? In what way? You don’t travel very often. The shop keeps you busy and happily wealthy to live in a comfortable apartment by yourself in a safe area on the planet.

He moved closer, your chest to his midriff. You didn’t see it happen before you felt another source of heat trap you to A’jaidh. “I think you know what he means, little one.” The smooth voice of Zaikeh met your ears. You could melt into a puddle from the heat inside of you, boiling your blood to steam.

“Like go with you guys?” you needed clarification before agreeing to anything. All this talk, this game you’ve played was in its last quarter, you had to make the last goal to win.

“Be our mechanic. Only ours. We’ll keep you safe, fed, and pampered,” Mai whispered into your ear, surprising you from his sudden appearance. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to escape. They caught their prey.

You.

“All you have to do is stay with us,” Mai muttered softly in your other ear, somehow moving around quickly. He was showing off his prowess and abilities as a hunter. “Be our mechanic. We’ll take care of you, little ooman.”

Your heart stuttered in its bony cage. You swallowed down the lump in your throat and gave the idea a thought. The ability to reach for the stars, go anywhere with them. Yeah, the shop was fun, the money was good. But this here, was an opportunity you would die for. Kill for even. Three Yautjas wanted you. You wanted the three Yautjas.

All the plays you endured while playing this game with them is paying off. You swallowed your nerves and straightened your spine before looking to the side at Mai. He was the leader after all. “I’ll go with you,” you accepted, couldn’t deny the way your body vibrated with anticipation and anxiety.

A Cheshire-like grin spread across his alien face. “Good, because it wasn’t a choice. You’re ours. No one is allowed to touch you or even look in your general vicinity,” Mai growled and brushed his knuckled against your cheek.

“Yeah, we aren’t below kidnapping you. But, we’re glad you’ve decided to come willingly,” A’jaidh joined the conversation.

Kidnapping?! “You were going to kidnap me? That doesn’t seem very honorable. Wouldn’t that break your honor code?” you questioned and tilted your head.

The hand that brushed against your cheek snatched your chin to lift up your head. Mai’tuiudh stood up tall before your form. “Honor? Oh sweet thing, we don’t care about honor. We are Bad Bloods after all,” he admitted. Your eyes widened at the realization that these Yautjas aren’t part of the majority of their species society. Instead, they’re the rouges who’ve broke their promise and honor. There was nothing holding them back from killing you.

And you loved it.

The two Yautjas pinning you between them finally backed off and allowed you to have some breathing room. Mai kept his hold on your chin and dragged you closer to him. “You’re ours now, ooman.” Then Mai let go and motioned towards the ship. Without complaint you happily skipped towards the belly of the ship.

Just like them, you knew the ship like the back of your hand. You tapped in the code to lower the ramp and waited for it go fully down. A glance behind you showed they were following you into their ship. Nothing could wipe off the smile on your face. A new, exciting chapter in your life.

[simplyreveries]

Hi I'm back lol (The person that requested the autistic reader that likes lights thing lol)

Can I request one of an autistic reader who's special intrest is like all things Wonderland related (like talks obsessively about it and relates everything back to the topic) with Riddle, Jamil and (platonic) Grimm?

Ngl I'm tempted to do one of those "(fill in the blank emoji) anon" thing lol

hii ty for the request!! and i totally would love to have another emoji anon, you should do it if you want to!<3

riddle rosehearts

riddle can understand your piqued interest in this world, as you're not even from it-! he is happy to see you absorbing and trying to take in and understand everything about twisted wonderland. the species, cultures, lands, magic- there's simply so much. He would be happy to share about all he knows, though he has held more of a sheltered youth, he still has spent his life here if you want to listen to any of his stories and history that he knows of.

he will always listen to you quite intently whenever you're talking about this world, he really finds it admirable how much you’ve gone into learning about this place. sometimes he adds his own comments as well, he enjoys discussing it with you- and even seeing your own side as a complete foreigner to this world. It's interesting seeing your own perspective. he has a gentle smile on his face as he listens (trust me he is 100% paying attention,, he loves listening to you ramble and talk).

notices your knack for collecting things, you tend to enjoy telling the story and fascination of trinkets and souvenirs you've kept along your time in twisted wonderland and he asks about the ones he finds set in your room at ramshackle quite often. it seems you've been able to gather things from everywhere you've visited!

jamil viper

he sometimes forgets that you’re completely unused to this world and are so interested in and learning more. jamil has grown so used to it he doesn't believe things you’ll be amazed at are shocking- he finds it cute. he likes seeing you light up and tell him about something new you learned and more you want to find out. he will talk a little, but he enjoys listening to you as he hums and nods, he loves your interest and desire to only learn more about this unknown world to you.

jamil will totally plan a trip to his homelands with you, he is more than willing to be your own tour guide as you follow him around and he shows you everything there- especially regarding his own culture and way of life in scalding sands. he will share the magic and myths that tend to lie around those parts and have an amused smile on his face when you only want to see more.

he is a little surprised to see you watching so intently and curiously when he's doing something such as potion making, once again it's something that feels normal to him. he'll raise his eyebrow and smile gesturing you to come over and ask if you'd like to help him get the ingredients he needs. you already seem like you know exactly what he'd need anyway, as you light up and remember the kinds of plants you were learning about in this world as of recently! haha

grim

grim gets so confused on how you find trein; history class so intriguing and fun, he practically complains and almost falls asleep most of the time. not going to lie though he was a little surprised at first when you're usually the first to answer questions regarding twisted wonderland and getting them right- you're just a magicless human?? from another world?? and yet you easily surprise students around you.

he may groan a little when you take so long to pull away from places like the school's library or the botanical garden. sometimes you may hear him make some comment like "eh? i heard trey talking about these..." or something because he himself is learning too.

when you're talking excitedly to the ghosts at ramshackle about their experiences and their lives grim finds himself perking up and listening as well. he also notices your love for the ghost camera crowley gave you, as you tend to take pictures of anything you find interesting in this world. when he's looking at all the pictures you've taken, he finds himself reminiscing and laughing with you as you tell him all about them.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

I HAVE A IDEA SCOTT PILGRIM SUBNAUTICA CROSSOVER

Can I request Matthew panel accidentally finding something or managing somehow randomly to summon like Y/n who’s a Sea emperor or a Ghost leviathan headcanons? ((Ofc they’re like his demon lady friends like corporal)) this huge unknown sea creature floats before him,kinda swimming in the air majestically and they stare down at him..but turn out to be a gentle yet firm giant and become his friend,they let him brag and stuff but will step in when needed lol

Anon you just put my two current fixations into one and ily forever for that /p

Also I feel like a Ghost would suit him better

.........

Honest to god, Matthew had no idea how he managed to summon you.

He was just reading up on demonology and how to do stronger summoning spells...

And suddenly you were floating right in front of him: a giant blue bioluminescent sea monster--a species of leviathan class known for their aggressive disposition.

You're the only hybrid of your kind, but it makes no difference. You still have quite the territorial temperament.

But since this human somehow called upon you from Planet 4546B when you've done nothing but swim in the endless void for thousands of years...you kinda like this change of scenery.

So you forego any hostilities, instead following him wherever he may go.

It felt strange being out of the water, but you got used to it quickly.

Despite your colossal size you can easily phase through surfaces and make yourself disappear if need be.

You exist more as an intimidator than a monster who eats divers.

The demon hipster chicks aren't all that crazy about you (not just bc your element is water and theirs is fire, but also bc you were getting more attention from their master now), although they'll work alongside you if you gotta protect him.

Anytime Matthew rolls up to a LO7EE meeting, he likes showing you off and saying "this is [y/n] and they're gonna totally crush Ramona's crush".

Meanwhile everyone else is fucking horrified bc where the hell did the "first boss" get such a powerful beast as a weapon????

If Gideon ever says anything to insinuate experimenting on you or keeping you for himself, Matthew's ready to throw hands IMMEDIATELY.

He doesn't get very far though as you often intervene, assuring them all that you're nobody's trophy or weapon.

But you ARE his voice of reason, however.

The demon chicks certainly aren't.

[mammoth-clangen]

Do you like Clangen and Sabertoothed cats? Great, me too!

My name is Pav and this is my clangen blog! <Start reading here>

Important Things

🧓 Im a '99 bby so please don't DM if you're a minor (actually would prefer no unexpected DMs period tbh, im anxious)

⛏️ I work 12hrs 7 days, week on/week off, meaning I will completely vanish 50% of the time and there's nothing I can do about it

🦘 I'm also an Aussie, so my time zone is weird even when I'm not at work (So if I don't reply, im not ignoring u! ;v;-b )

❔️Asks and Anons are turned on! Please read the FAQ below before asking to avoid repeats c:

😻 I read all the tags and replies even if I don't reply. Tysm everyone saying nice things, it makes my day ;v;

😵‍💫 My focus changes like the weather lately, so while I'm Hoping I'll be able to keep this up, please don't get Life Or Death Invested c':

Tags

#mammothmoon -all chapters are tagged with this

#moon (1/2/3/etc) -each moon is tagged by number, and in-character asks from given moons

#mammothask -asks sent to me (will also tag who asks them)

#paleo stuff -anything where I'm nerding about paleo biology etc

#ooc -Pav updates about Pav!

FAQ

This will be added to as I get more asks and replies to go off!

How often do you post pages?

I try for at least once every 2 weeks, as I spend 50% of my life in the outback with no ability to draw!

Where/ when is Mammothclan set?

In late pleistocene North America, around 12ka ago, during the Younger Dryas!

What species are the cats?

They're Homotherium serum, a scimitar toothed cat.

How paleo accurate is this setting?

Relatively accurate? There's not going to be any species out of their time and place, but I'm not super bothered by, say, exact plant species and how realistic certain story aspects are.

Can I ask the characters' questions?

You can, but I can't promise to answer all of them!

Are we allowed to include characters as cameos/ draw fanart?

Yes definitely absolutely!!!!

You are also welcome to change them to regular cats if that fits better cx (please don't humanise them though, I find that specifically very uncanny)

What mode are you playing on Clangen/ what toggles?

Expanded mode, mass extinctions on, cheating on, "pregnancy ignores biology" off, unknown second parent pregnancies off (bc in my trial run every queen was constantly spawning kittens at lightspeed, no ty)

How far ahead are you from the pages you've drawn?

Currently 40moons ahead, cause I like playing the long game with foreshadowing >:3c

Where do you download Clangen?

Here!

Could you elaborate on/ explain content of (page/panel/speech bubble) that confused me?

Sure! If something is unclear, but it seems like it should be explained, please ask and I'll make sure to clarify c:

Can you tell me about (character backstory/spoilers/ aspect of lore not touched on in comic yet)?

No! I don't want to spoil those kinds of things, I'd rather they come up naturally in the comic than dump them under an ask.

I'm a firm believer that if it doesn't happen in text, it's not cannon.

[sinful-lanterns]

What would Dreyha be in the monster au? I think the MGE hakutaku would be interesting give her desire to know everything.

🥀-Anon

Hmmmm. I’m not really sure on any solid monsters for Dreya tbh, but if I had to put my input, I would say she’d be an Alien.

Hear me out, I know aliens are technically separate from monsters when it comes to our own pop culture, but in my Monster AU, the term “monster” refers to any entity or being that humans are afraid of/don’t understand. Since Aliens are something foreign to humans and are definitely something that many are afraid of, Aliens are classified as monsters and therefore Dreya would be an Alien in my Monster AU!

I can see her coming to earth after a small asteroid hits the ground with Dreya clinging onto it, so upon receiving news of something from space hitting a nearby field, the Researcher decides to go check it out. Needless to say, she’s very much intriguied by the foreign “monster”that isn’t from earth 🤭

It is unknown what kind of Alien Dreya actually is (there’s definitely multiple species), but the Researcher is already taking out her trusty guidebook to note down everything she can find about Alien! Dreya.

[cobragardens]

God Is a Creepy-Ass Meta Mfer:

A Good Omens Essay

This essay features fan theory and speculation. DO NOT TAG NEIL GAIMAN IN ANY POST THAT INCLUDES OR REFERENCES THIS ONE.

The rest of this depends on accepting the premise that God's Plan is not always inscrutable in hindsight, i.e., that parts of that Plan can be discerned or identified as such once they have happened, even if the next moves of the Plan and its ultimate Purpose remain ineffable.

If you are willing to accept that premise, then I suggest we can conclude with reasonable certainty that Thesis Statement 1: Aziraphale's act of giving Adam the First Man the flaming sword is part of God's Plan, and so was Eve and Adam eating the Fruit.

The argument for the latter has been in circulation making even the beardiest of old Christian men scratch their heads for centuries, and in Good Omens, Crowley is the first being ever to make it:

The presence of the Tree in the Garden placed by an omnipotent being with literally infinite orchard space and security technology is a clear indication that God intends humans to interact with the Tree and sets humans up in a divine entrapment operation, giving God the opportunity to curse humanity and evict them from the Garden.

Diversion onto Thesis Statement 2 bc the Essayist Got Distracted: This establishes both the Bible and Good Omens as works of literature in the cosmic horror genre (not that Good Omens doesn't do plenty of its own work in so establishing itself).

In both these stories God is a being beyond humanity's understanding, functionally omniscient and omnipotent, who first creates and then interferes with humanity for unknown reasons and who does not necessarily have humanity's best interests in mind at any point. His/er reasoning and objectives for humanity are opaque, and S/he manipulates circumstances to create excuses to do humanity as a species and sometimes specific humans harm.

If you're not already familiar, go read all the shit God curses humans with when Eve and Adam snack on the Tree's Fruit. It's frighteningly cruel, if not outright psychopathic. So is God's behavior the Book of Job, His demand that Abraham sacrifice Isaac, Mosaic Law, and the sacrifice of His/er Son. Human lives are no more significant to God than the lives of ants are to humans. This whole history of Earth? It may not even be about us. Our entire species' history may just be part of the backdrop to something else, like two angels falling in love and reuniting Heaven and Hell, or like raccoons. It could all be about the raccoons. Who knows! All of this is absolutely 100% pure undiluted cosmic horror.

Right, okay, so back to Thesis 1: In Good Omens, Aziraphale's gift to the first man of the flaming sword is an objective God wants. Here's my chain of reasoning:

The Eating of the Fruit and God's punishment were both objectives of God. See above.

2. Once those objectives had been accomplished, humankind would not have survived outside the Garden of Eden without the sword. They literally would not exist at all.

Adam the First has to kill the lion, either to keep it from killing him and Eve or to keep him and Eve from starving. No flaming sword = no humanity.

3. We know "no humanity" is not God's Plan, because--

--God says her Plan is Armageddon and the Second Coming in 6,000 years. So humanity needs to exist for either of those to occur (or for there to be any reason for adventures about averting them to occur). And God does a whole Crucifixion and Resurrection of His/er Son. So God wants humanity around and is even prepared to welcome them back into His/er grace, providing they meet certain conditions.

4. We know God is not displeased about Aziraphale's gift of the sword to humans because God asks Aziraphale about the sword, and Aziraphale lies and says he's lost it, and God, who is omniscient and therefore knows this to be a lie and knows exactly where the sword is, lets the entire thing pass unremarked. (More on this anon.)

5. It is not a reach too far to suspect this of God. She tells us Herself that she is a trickster and that we can't trust her not to deceive us:

She also tells us

i. The universe is a game she is playing for her own amusement:

🎵cosmic horror alerrrrrrrrrt!🎵🎶

ii. No one, including angels and demons, has been told the real rules of this game:

"FOR EVERYONE ELSE." Not just humans.

That's why Crowley and Aziraphale each have to wonder if they've done the right or the wrong thing: nobody's told them what the rules are. Aziraphale even thinks that Crowley's temptation of Eve is "all part of the Plan," i.e, that Crowley did the right thing by doing the wrong one. They have no way to tell, and it may be both right and wrong at the same time. (Wrestling with impossible moral conundra raised by a brief look into a story happening on a much greater level than your own? You could be suffering from our old pal Thesis 2: Good Omens is cosmic horror!)

So Aziraphale's Promethean gift to humanity was one of God's objectives, just as cursing humans and yeeting them out of the Garden with the knowledge of Good and Evil and maybe a couple apple seeds in hand was His/er objective.

BONUS! Thesis 3: So why does God bring up Aziraphale's misappropriation of the sword at all? To show us, the audience, that Aziraphale lied to Her and that his gifting of the sword to Adam is part of Her Plan.

Remember from her whole deal with the Tree: God likes to set up situations so that She can react to them. Here she lampshades her awareness of what Aziraphale has done, listens to him lie to Her about it, and then very pointedly does nothing in response to that. She wants everyone watching--i.e., Aziraphale and us--to note that she has noticed the transfer of the sword and is not displeased by it and has noticed the lie and is not going to do anything about that either.

Remember as well, God is the one controlling the narrative we see in S1 of Good Omens. She introduces and concludes the story, and she narrates the scenes of the baby-swap. She's in control of which scenes we see and the order in which we see them. Since she is the one who asked Aziraphale the question about the sword, she's also responsible for this scene's existence.

So why do I think this scene is meant for us and not Aziraphale? Two reasons. Firstly, the conversation with God doesn't do Aziraphale any good. He worries about eventually getting in trouble about the sword until 2019, around 6,000 years later.

God is both omniscient and omnipotent, so it's not possible that She failed to communicate to Aziraphale in such a way that would ease his anxiety. Therefore the conversation was not for his benefit. Again, she's omniscient, so it wasn't for Her benefit either. That leaves the only other party to this conversation: us. The audience.

The next obvious question is, Why does God want us to know that Aziraphale's gift of the flaming sword was both of his free will and part of Her Plan?

I don't know. But I think it may become important, and here is where we delve into hypothesis territory: I think Good Omens is going metafictional. I mean this in a Doki Doki Literature Club, Black Mirror: Bandersnatch way: God, the character in Good Omens, is telling us, the audience, a story.

This metafictional aspect has been with us the whole time---more precisely since 01:13 of S1E1, when God switches from third-person to first-person and addresses us the viewers directly:

And there are several more metafictional; notes in S1 and S2 that I've found so far:

Season 1

That giant eyeball up there floating in space with a bunch of arcane shit around it is a reference to the opening credits sequence of The Twilight Zone, a metafictional show in which an omniscient narrator introduces and concludes each story by addressing the audience directly.

S1E1 27:20

Season 2

1. Maggie and Nina are fictional characters, but the characters share their names with actors Maggie Service and Nina Sosanya.

2. The final credits sequence, with the split screen showing Crowley on one side and Aziraphale on the other, references David Tennant and Michael Sheen's previous/simultaneous lockdown tv series project, Staged! which is intensely metafictional and in which Tennant and Sheen play characters based on themselves and with their names.

3. Sloppy plot synopsis or something more sinister?

4. An interviewer points out that Good Omens references Doctor Who as an extant concern in-universe, which obviously stars David Tennant in the past and currently.

If you find more, please drop them in the comments!

We the audience, are meant to understand ourselves and our reality as being indirectly involved in this story. And God wants us to know 1) that Aziraphale lied to Her about giving away the sword, knowing it was futile, and 2) that his gift of the flaming sword was part of Her Plan. The former is a major character note, and probably a foreshadowing one; but I have no guesses about God's purpose in showing us that the gift of the flaming sword was also to Plan except that whatever it is will probably make me dislike Her approach to parenting even more than I already do.

What I do love about this though is that it suggests that Crowley and Aziraphale both did the right thing by doing the wrong one, i.e. achieved a kind of Schroedinger's obedience, which is nice and disturbing and surprise! pretty cosmic horror. More sweetly, though, it suggests that the two foundational gifts to humanity from the divine were motivated by Crowley's low-effort mischief and Aziraphale's kindheartedness, which is lovely to think about.

DO NOT TAG NEIL GAIMAN IN ANY POST THAT INCLUDES OR REFERENCES THIS ESSAY.

[nonhumanhermitheadcanons]

Everyone is all "Vampire Mumbo" "Watcher Grian" "Whatever the hell Doc is today" but what about False? As with Tango (I'm the anon who put the Fallen Tango headcanon), X put her as a human.

But how could a human move dozens of blocks in the 0.1 seconds a blink takes? Appearing behind people whenever they call for her, False has seemed... off to most Hermits.

X has run tests. It's mandatory, after all. But like Tango, Grian, and a few Hermits no longer on the server, species data came up as three question marks. Everything on it said either unknown or human.

Joe has confirmed she's not of the End. Doc has said she's not of the Overworld. Tango has confirmed she's not from the Nether. Mumbo, an entity of the void, has said she's not from there either. But those are all the known dimensions.

But there is one. One that could be compared to D&D's Far Realm. A place beyond imagination, out of Lovecraftian horror, worse for the sanity then Watchers.

But False is human.

Isn't she?

May I suggest a Farlander.

the far lands are to Minecraft explorers what the edge of the earth are to human sailors. but who's to say that no one traveled that far and returned. the stories had to come from somewhere after all

[kirbyssharkfacts]

kirbyssharkfacts i am feeling down. will you give me a kirbys shark facts?

sorry to hear you're feeling down anon, but i hope this fact will help cheer you up! did you know some sharks can glow in the dark? bioluminescence has been documented in multiple shark species: the kitefin shark, blackbelly lanternshark, and southern lanternshark.

the exact purpose of this bioluminescence is unknown, but scientists have made several hypotheses. it’s possible that the sharks use this to communicate with each other, to disguise themselves when hunting prey or evading predators, or to illuminate the ocean floor when searching for food. a research paper on this subject was published in the frontiers in marine science journal in 2021, which you can find here if you're interested!

[unknownspecies]

do you like toes too?

😐

[eternity-has-seen-her-live]

What's the strangest thing you've seen out there?

"Oh, the strangest thing...? I still think the bandits who took the moon are the strangest thing."

[death-by-moth]

What's your favorite type of moth and why?

THANK YOU ANON THIS IS THE BEST QUESTION!!!

If I had to choose a singular species, my favorite is Bombyx Mori - the Domestic Silkmoth! These tiny fluffballs were domesticated about 5200 years ago in China, and are the only fully domesticated insect. They are one of the most popular moths, and for good reason. Just look at that chubby body and those beautiful eyes!

Chances are you may recognize this moth, though have heard it called by a different name: the Venezuelan Poodle Moth. This incorrect label is due to their resemblance to the aforementioned poodle moth, which is actually an unknown species that has only ever been documented once back in 2009.

I also really love these little guys because they’re super fun to draw! I love doodling silkmoths on my notes or when I’m waiting between classes. They are composed of such lovely shapes that are easy for me to draw and pose in interesting ways. They just look so sweet and I love them so so much.

[pomplalamoose]

now i keep imagining how utterly amazing honeymoon with luke would be 🙈🫣

Somehow I never thought about this before but you are absolutely correct, anon🤝🏻

• celebrating your honeymoon with Luke would be such an unique and adventurous experience 

• or at least if that's what you're into 

• alternatively, if you prefer to take it slow, you could opt for something more simple and romantic instead 

• of course you would plan this out together and Luke is more than content to let you choose the pace 

• he's happy when you are happy 

• depending on what you lean towards I have some ideas 

• you could go on an intergalactic cruise together for example, visiting planets both of you haven't been to before 

• exploring the unknown and encountering various alien species can be a great little adventure

• it would really deepen your connection and the trust you have in each other as well

• I think it'd be so fun even beforehand, picking the places you want to go either by chance or based on stories you once heard 

• you'd definitely spend many nights together looking them up and thinking about all the fun you will have

• especially with Luke it's very easy to get giddy and nearly childishly excited for something 

• or maybe you want to go revisiting planets that played a keyrole in defending the Empire 

• just to have the chance to appreciate them as they are, to take a closer look you didn't have the chance to take before 

• I don't think the order matters here

• you could start on Tatooine and especially if you've never been there before, Luke would be overjoyed to show you where he grew up 

• because as opposed to Anakin I really think he connects many positive aspects of his life with this place, despite Tatooine being Tatooine 

• if you're feeling up to it you might visit the Mos Eisley Cantina, dressed like farmers or thugs to not catch anyone's eye

• you would sit very close together in one of the booths and with his arm around your shoulders, Luke would tell you about his first encounter with Han and Chewie

• and about Obi-Wan who pulled his lightsaber and cut off a man's arm like it was nothing 

• you could visit Endor next, share a few days with your Ewok friends and relax in their cozy village 

• it is also the place where Luke said his last goodbye to his father and I believe that it would hold great significance for him to spend time there 

• also he could take you on a speeder bike tour 

• imagine enjoying a nice trip through the forest together, maybe stopping for a nice picnic 

• I think he'd love to have you clinging to his back while he races through the towering trees though 

• you could do both of course but maybe don't let him drive after you've eaten 

• Luke is a very capable pilot but he'd definitely drive a bit more recklessly if it means you're holding on to him for dear life and screaming your lungs out 

• I'm convinced he thinks it's the funniest thing ever 

• you could also take a trip to Hoth and go on a tauntaun ride together 

• (on second thought maybe don't)

• okay this could totally end up with one of those scenarios where both of you are set to go but only because you think the other one really wants to

• maybe you're the one who speaks up first, like "Luke, are you sure we have enough warm clothes? I'm honestly not sure if I'll be able to withstand the cold."

• you'll figure out quickly that neither of you wants to go and have a good laugh about it 

• later you'll wonder about how he was able to make his excitement look so real when you know for a fact how much he hates the cold

• I think Luke would like to explore places with a strong connection to the Force as well

• you could spend your time learning more about the galaxy and the life within it

• maybe you'd let Luke show you fighting techniques and have some lightsaber training sessions with him 

• even if you're far away from being as good as he is, it's thrilling to witness how he enters his teacher mode 

• (and also hot, I said what I said)

• now if you are more like me and prefer to take it slow, here are more ideas 

• imagine visiting different planets to compare their stunning sunsets, maybe ranking your favorites 

• and then stay for some time longer to stargaze 

• Luke would find you two the perfect spot, serene and remote 

• there you'd lie down together and either just enjoy each other's company or have heartfelt conversations

• he'll tell you how much he loves you 

• he'll show you his favorite constellations

• (did he look many of them up before this to seem extra knowledgeabel? Yeah absolutely)

• despite being literally married to you now, Luke still wants to impress you

• you could have a nice beach vacation too

• relaxing together in the warm sun and taking in the beautiful beaches and the blue (maybe it's another color, who knows) sea is something I think both of you would enjoy a lot 

• especially Luke, as it comes close to Tatooine but is a lot friendlier 

• maybe you can show him how to swim, introduce him to big amounts of water 

• he'd totally play mermaids with you if you wanted to

• he'd really like floaties as well 

• when he comes out of the water he shakes out his hair like a dog, with the droplets flying everywhere 

• also I think he'd like digging lots of big holes while you're taking a nap or reading 

• this depends on when your honeymoon is taking place of course but Luke just has these golden retriever qualities, he'd definitely have so much fun with this 

• he's on board with building sand castles too

• or looking for pretty rocks and colorful shells

• imagine waking up a few hours after falling asleep to find a little collection of those spread out over your shared blanket 

• and Luke is beaming and just so excited, like "look what I found, aren't they pretty???"

• you better show appropriate enthusiasm so he can say something along the lines of "but they are far from being as pretty as you, of course"

• okay but romantic picnics are a must 

• it doesn't matter where, you can have those in every place you'd like 

• I think they'd be a super nice add on for every trip you might want to take 

• if you're feeling especially fancy, you could also plan a super elaborate one 

• if that's something you like, Luke would be happy to put lots of planning and effort into it

• maybe he'd surprise you with one too

• imagine going on a long hike to do him a favor and when you're THIS close to giving up he makes you continue on just a few more miles

• until you round a corner and find yourself in a beautifully decorated clearing 

• dependind on how long it took you to get there you can also combine this with watching the sunset and then having dinner under the stars 

• maybe the ants in the galaxy far, far away are horrifyingly big though and you'd rather eat somewhere else other than outside 

• you could visit new restaurants on foreign planets

• I think trying new dishes you never had before might be very fun 

• especially if they happen to be a bit weird looking 

• imagine having little competitions about who is able to stomach the spiciest food

• or the slimiest 

• or the one with the weirdest color imaginable

• alternatively going to your favorite restaurants of all time and making each other try your favorite foods would be lovely too

• in the end though you could do all of the above 

• or nothing at all

• you could just stay on Coruscant, rent into a fancy hotel and not leave your room for like two weeks 

• with Luke you'd have fun either way

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Oooh! I think I got a fun one. Can I have some headcanons for the lamb? He was walking around one day and encountered a tall human who wears a cloak with lamb horns? He doesn't know their human until they remove their hood (Also the reader is nonbinary because gender gets boring sometimes :]) (Also I headcanon that humans are either nearly extinct or the all of them live underground.)

- Kneecaps Anon

Aw I adore this idea!!

Also this will take place in the early days of Lamb's cult (where they're still getting the hang of managing followers, rituals, etc...definitely long before slaying and indoctrinating all the bishops)

...........

While Lamb was crusading through an unknown part of the Old Faith, they came across the ruins of a village that looked most peculiar. Much unlike previous ones they've discovered.

The homes, although desecrated, were far bigger than ones Leshy's followers would live in. They could barely reach the doorknob!

So they continued to investigate, before noticing someone emerging from the bushes with a bag and bloody dagger.

It's you, a mysterious tall figure wearing a cloak and sandals. But what intrigued them the most were the horns that poked through your hood.

They were unmistakably a lamb's horns.

At first they were hopeful that another one of their kind survived the slaughter...although when they called out to you, you stopped and stared at them in bewilderment.

"W-Were you talking to me?"

"Of course! Are you a lamb, too?"

"...ah...I'm sorry to say this, but no. I am not." Realizing who this was upon seeing the Red Crown, you uncovered your hood, revealing that you were in fact human. "I can understand why my "horns" led to you to believe that."

"That's too bad.." They frown, before expressing surprise that a human was still living in these lands...believing that they've all gone extinct.

But you politely corrected them on the matter.

"There used to be a lot of us, living in villages just like this. My ancestors had treaties with the Bishops until they were attacked by the One Below. And for whatever reason they chose to take their anger out on us, demanding that we go live in their domains or perish. Obviously we refused and, well...now this little village is the only proof we ever existed here."

"I see.." Lamb grimaced. "I'm sorry to hear that. Are you the only one left?"

"Yeah. This place thrived for generations, invisible to the eyes of the Bishops, but all my friends and family either died off or fled to some other land, unable to cope with the constant feeling of danger all around us. Though I wanted to stay because I didn't want those false gods to scare me away from my home." You end your somber tale with a determined huff, still smiling. "But yeah...it sucks, but I've managed to survive for this long...so.."

Seeing as your views aligned with theirs, Lamb immediately invited you to join their cult, promising you safety and better living conditions in exchange for your devotion.

But unlike the more simple-minded animal followers they've wrapped around their finger, you weren't so easily convinced.

Although you admired lambs, you didn't like how this one was basically giving you the same ultimatum the Bishops once did to your ancestors: Join or perish. It seemed quite hypocritical.

In the end, you request to see the cult first and decide for yourself.

They oblige..but unfortunately for them, that means they can't just warp you there and use omnipresence to return to the temple grounds quickly.

But they knew they'll have to earn your respect and make a good first impression--and dropping you through a demonic portal's not exactly the best way to do that.

When you finally arrived, you were impressed by the architecture and the temple...

As well as all of Lamb's followers who flocked to you, awestruck at a newcomer like yourself. Some were familiar with your species, others have never seen anything like you before.

Regardless, they shook your hands in greeting, being fascinated by your cloak and how your hair looked, asking you so many questions that they nearly overwhelmed you.

You haven't gotten this much attention in years!

Lamb was lowkey jealous and pushed them all back to give you some breathing room.

The adorable creatures won your heart over, and you agreed to follow Lamb's teachings faithfully.

They simply changed the colors and symbol on your cloak to match those of the followers. You still kept the horns, as they found no reason to get rid of them.

Afterwards they showed you around, only to realize that you'll need some major accommodations if you were going to spend the rest of your life here.

You couldn't exactly take the mattress from your village here, and the little beds/shelters were too small for you to comfortably sleep in; and grassy gruel and berry dishes weren't going to sustain your hunger for long.

Nevertheless, they vowed to meet your needs, though they also worried about how well you'll fit in and get along with everyone--considering you're the only human.

Later around sundown, you noticed one follower (the only one who didn't greet you this morning) sitting in front of a makeshift grave with a depressed expression.

Lamb explains they've been stuck that way since their indoctrination several days ago, being the sole survivor of a massacre. The grave was that of their lover, who was murdered right in front of them by one of the Bishops themselves.

The sheep learned what happened via mindreading..but apparently it was so traumatic, they spared you from the details.

However, they expressed frustration in failing to convince this follower to move on and start contributing to the cult.

They've exhausted every possible effort at motivating them: inspiration, random gifts, even a funeral service was conducted (and for someone who wasn't even in the cult)..but nothing worked.

Lamb was starting to get angry, but quickly calms down and just reassures you not to worry, instead trying to show you where you'll be sleeping.

"Wait, do I have permission to approach them, Leader? Maybe I can help them out."

"....I doubt it. It's like talking to a piece of stone....but you have my permission to try." They allow you to go, wondering what you'll do differently.

You just went over to the follower and introduced yourself, sitting beside them for a few minutes in the hopes your presence would comfort them.

At first Lamb thinks you're wasting your time, but somehow....you got that silent follower to actually talk about their lover and all the good memories they had together, getting choked up by the end.

You offered them a hug, which they accepted as they buried their face into your chest, sobbing their little heart out and wailing over the cruelty of the Bishops.

It filled you with both sorrow and anger, wanting nothing more than to see their blasphemous empire crumble because of the grief they brought upon this one follower alone.

Meanwhile, Lamb's standing there just..completely shocked, especially after you calmed down the follower and bring them over to them.

"F-Forgive me, my Leader, if...I was being a nuisance by not listening to you." They apologize. "If you want me to start working right now, then I shall. I feel okay enough to do so. Whatever you need, just say the word."

"Wha...??? But....n-never mind. You're forgiven, [F/n]. For now just get some rest." Lamb dismissed them, and only after they've gone to bed do they turn to you with comically-wide eyes. "By the One Below...how did you do that???"

"Dunno." You shrugged. "I guess all they needed was a hug."

"...then why didn't they just ask me for one???"

"They probably didn't know they needed one until now. But I figured your mindreading powers would've anticipated that."

"...are you insulting the might of the Red Crown!?"

"I mean no offense, Leader." You chuckle, patting their wooly head. "Now, where will I be sleeping?"

Although a little irked, Lamb quickly got over it, relieved that you were able to help that follower...how ever you managed to do it.

You had a selfless heart, and that was a good asset to have in the cult.

Why were they ever worried? You'll fit in just fine.

[diamond-of-purity]

"Just call me Diamond."

"Anything important? just make an appointment with me. I appear to be quite busy right now. or just ask one of my fellow stonehearts if you need anything."

Diamond, the head of the Strategic Investment Department which specializes in major business and investment deals across numerous planets. A determined man and the Emanator of Preservation, he lent part of his power into ten cornerstones for each member of the Ten Stonehearts. Strict in business sometimes but easily becomes soft when with his fellow stonehearts

Cornerstone: Diamond of Purity Alias: Diamond Name: [Unknown] Rank: P47 Species: Human Age: 20+ Pronouns: He/Him, They/Them

Location: Pier Point Path: The Preservation Element: Physical

Voicelines: [classified] Character Stories:[classified] Lightcone:[REDACTED]

Notes from Mod Veneris

this entire format is not mine! it belongs to the wonderful @amethyst-of-the-stonehearts <3

(I also asked permission to use it)

Guidelines

Asks should be SFW as mod can get uncomfortable with NSFW asks! but suggestive is alright

You may send links, but tell me what they are for

please don't be rude, if you have nothing nice to say please don't say it at all

No racism, sexism, homophobia, ableism, ageism, and transphobia please, if any of this is given in a comment above, you will be blocked

Shipping is fine with me~ Diamond doesn't have a preference

Avoid DMing me unless you are a fellow mod

Anons are most welcome and appreciated!

Key

" " ~ Dialogue { } ~ Actions {" "} ~ Thoughts // \\ ~ Mod Speaking

Tags

#Business Dealings 💎 - general posts

#Jade of Credit 🍷 - Mentions/Interactions with Jade

#Topaz of Debt Retrieval 🔸- Mentions/Interactions with Topaz

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#Sapphire of Negotiation 🔹 - Mentions/Interactions with Sapphire (a wonderful mutual's OC!)

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Masterlist of OCs and RP Blogs linked here