#unsuspectingness

[vroomvroomcircuit]

Do Not Enter is written on the Doorway

(A/N): A personal thank you to @foreveralbon for reading over certain parts and give feedback and ideas

Summary: Max helps his girlfriend through her anticipatory grief

Warnings: Talking about the future death of a family member, this is sad, but Max is the greatest comforter

Wordcount: 2.3k

🏎Masterlist🏎 ______________________________

Some news gives you this warm feeling in your stomach that slowly spreads over your chest and into your head and extremities. You smile, your brain barely able to keep up with the immense joy you feel. It’s like you could hug the whole world at once, this feeling giving you superpowers beyond imagination. That immense excitement, that’s a feeling you never want to lose.

This is what good news gives you.

But nobody talks about the stabbing pain you get in your heart upon receiving bad news. The sudden 100 pounds heavy weight settling into your stomach. The coldness you feel in your hands and feet never are mentioned. The spinning in your head, having to realize that after hearing what you have been just told, nothing will ever be the same.

You immediately wish to be the person you were moments ago, before your brain chemistry has been changed forever. Nothing is better than being in that beautiful bliss of unsuspectingness. But you can’t go back, you only get to mimic being that person in the first few moments after waking up, before the memory sets back in. The damage has been irreversibly done.

This feeling after receiving bad news is the one (Y/N) has been most familiar with during the last couple of weeks. One of her close family members is terminally ill and they are in a state where their symptoms are only managed after being taken into hospice care almost immediately upon receiving the diagnosis. They will be sick for the rest of their life expectancy.

For her, it’s like jumping through burning hoops with a broken leg every day ever since. She wants to be a good daughter to her mother, who relies on her for support. (Y/N) wants to be the good family member she usually is, spending as much time with them as possible.

But she also wants to be a good girlfriend to her Max. She wants to be with him at every race, cheer for his successes and support him through his losses.

Being all that and staying on top of her own feelings, that is not doable.

Max sees it. He sees the circles under her eyes grow. He sees the hunch in her back, yet the tension in her shoulder. He can’t remember the last time she smiled at him with those smiles that take his breath away and make him feel warm and fuzzy inside. Max misses her laugh, always sounding like music to her.

He sees it all, but feels helpless. Powerless. Something he swore to himself to never be again. This ever so disabling feeling, making your limbs heavy and your heart sink every time you think about it. And your brain never stops thinking about it. It’s going over and over again about the situation, trying to find an angle where he can finally get through to her. But everything he tries feels for naught.

In the moments where he hears her cry in the middle of the night, thinking Max is soundly asleep without a single worry, he is thankful to never have to experience what his girlfriend is currently going through. So he tries to make it better, even if it is just coming from a distant place, since she doesn’t let him close, neither emotionally nor physically.

During nights spent crying, Max turns around to her and hugs her closely to his chest, acting like he just needs his partner cuddled to him in his sleep. He takes over all the household chores, claiming “Oh, I just saw that we needed to wash a few clothes” or “I had some downtime, so I tried to make myself useful” not wanting to shame (Y/N) for lacking.

Because if your head is full of emotions, there is no strength left to do physical things. Max knows that out of personal experience, from a life where you are constantly under extreme pressure.

Still, he tries to get through to (Y/N), missing the person he fell in love with. “Hey, I thought about going out for dinner tonight? Just you and me at your favorite place with that dress you love so much?” Max asks her as she puts her shoes on to run off to work. He is hopeful, it’s an offer she never has said no to. On the contrary, he kind of expects her to let the second shoe in her hand fall to the ground to put her arms around his neck and thank him over and over again.

But to his shock, she does no such things. The young woman puts the other shoe on and shakes her head. “I don’t feel like going out at the moment. I will stay late at the hospice anyway after work, the doctor said that-” Her voice cracks. Max steps towards her, but she waves him off. “We don’t have much time left. And I want to take the time to prepare for, you know, it.”

Max nods, even though he does not understand her point. Not yet at least.

(Y/N) presses a quick kiss to his cheek before exiting the house in what seems like a great rush. She leaves a flabbergasted dutchman behind.

This was the first kiss he hasn’t initiated for several weeks now (22 days to be exact, although who's counting?). But the subject of preparing for someone’s death still doesn’t let him go. Not when he feeds the cats and cleans the kitchen. Not when he trains for the upcoming race on the simulator and in the gym.

The thought of trying to prepare for the inevitable is unfathomable to him. Isn’t the fear of getting stuck in your head greater than missing the current moment with that person?

His mind still circulates around this topic when he unfreezes some pre-made meals that are with his diet and to (Y/N)’s taste. He knows not to warm hers up already, he made that mistake quite a few times, just for the food to turn cold while it is waiting to be consumed by her.

Their habit of eating all to most meals together diminished to one dinner once every other week. That’s something else he misses. Just spending quality time with his partner. Still, he does not want to be demanding towards her. He is understanding of her situation and knows that it won’t be like this forever.

He already sits at his computer set up, playing a few rounds of a game to calm down before going to bed when (Y/N) enters their quarters. Max immediately greets her, clocking in the exhaustion in her face. “Hey, welcome back!” He softly says. “I’ll heat up your dinner. You can take a shower or a bath. Or sit down in the living room and put a show on. I’ll bring you your food.”

But (Y/N) just stares at him. He halts in his tracks, waiting for her answer. But he never gets one. Instead, his girlfriend bursts out in tears, sobs and snot.

Quickly Max gathers her in his arms, gently rocking her while drawing circles on her back with his fingers. He tries to maneuver them onto the couch in the living room, getting her sat in his lap with her legs straddling his thighs.

Now, to say the Dutchman is shocked by that outburst would be a lie. He has seen how much (Y/N) ran herself into the ground. It was just a question of time when all of the built up emotions found their way out. Between wanting to be the perfect daughter and the perfect family member, she forgot to be her imperfect self.

Yet, Max hasn’t expected today to be the day. Today has been so unassuming. There were no visible signs during their morning that could have prepared Max for the breakdown.

Not that he needed to prepare in the first place. Max has every tool he needs for this exact situation in close proximity. He throws a heavy blanket over them and hands (Y/N) a stuffie that coincidentally found its home permanently on that couch a few weeks ago. The plush lion itself is weighted with beans, being a nice pressure on her chest.

He continues to rock them back and forth and murmurs sweet things into her ears. His hands draw soothing circles and other shapes on her back. At one point he starts to trace letters.

“I love you too”, (Y/N) mumbles into his hair, her voice still tear stricken. “I love you so much, I can’t imagine a world without you or your support or your love or your… everything.” Max tightens his hold on her. She knows how to interpret that one. It’s his non-verbal way of saying how much she means to him.

They sit there for several more minutes in silence with Max listening to her breathing evening out. “Do you want some tea? I stocked up on your favorites. I can heat up your dinner during that.” The young woman nods yes, sliding off his lap and cuddles into the corner of the couch.

Max quickly puts the tv on, leaving on some random show to stop the eerie silence and quieten down the thought spiral in (Y/N)’s head.

He tries to be as fast as possible, until his phone rings. His girlfriend sent him a message, asking if they can share that frozen meal. Max’s heart clenches, realizing they finally have another dinner together. Of course, he obeys her wish and brings two forks along with two mugs on a tablet to the living room.

“Here is the food and drinks and I got some of your favorite chocolate earlier”, he says in a soft voice. (Y/N) smiles, his thoughtfulness is enough to change her mood.

In unity they share the meal and catch up over peas and carrots. With mugs in their hands they cuddle close to each other and pay attention to the movie that’s playing as soon as the food is gone.

“I’m scared to lose them. But I am even more scared to forget to cherish the time we still have together.” (Y/N) starts speaking into the dimmed room. Max looks down to her, showing his girlfriend has 100 % of his attention.

“You know, it hurts to see them hurting. And I know they will only get worse, which is weird to know. I am already hurting from an event that hasn’t even taken place. We also know that they will die soon. And I am already grieving them. I sit in the same room with them, talk and laugh and think ‘this will not be possible very soon’ and it is so… fucked up. Because I don’t want to think about this, they are still here. But I already miss them. I miss the old version of them, I will miss the current version of them and I’m dreading their future version. And I am hurting all the time and I kind of don’t want to see them, because how they are right now is the way I want to remember them. I feel selfish, because it’s all just about me meanwhile they are literally dying under our hands.”

Max realizes three important points at this moment.

He is very lucky to have never lived through her situation, watching a loved one dying. This must be another kind of hell on earth that he does not wish upon his greatest enemy. Seeing how his girlfriend, who is the strongest person he knows, struggles to the point of a mental breakdown, shows Max that he would not be able to live through these circumstances the way she does.

(Y/N) is under too much pressure, trying to be a good family member, a helpful co worker and an attentive girlfriend. He feels like he failed her by elevating more of that pressure, making her take some time off from work and reassure (Y/N) that he can support them financially as long as she wants him to, so she can spend more time with her family.

He voices his third conclusion out loud. “Several emotions and feelings can be true at once. You can be thankful for the time you got left and still feel bad about their current condition. You’re allowed not wanting to see them to protect yourself. Sometimes, being selfish sounds like the worst thing you could do to outsiders, but the best decision for yourself. It’s up to you entirely. Don’t feel bad for your anticipatory grief, it is normal. Your brain wants to prepare itself for the end.

And no matter what you will do or where you are going, I’m always at your side and support all your decisions. In this house we support (Y/N)’s rights and wrongs.”

Her laugh makes Max’s heart lighter. He knows the upcoming weeks and months will not be easier than the previous ones. But he is aware that they will get through it together.

“Will you read to me?” (Y/N) looks at him with her puppy dog eyes, something they both know he can’t resist. “Ok”, he says after letting out a sigh, ”Get your Faye smut book. But only because you had a hard day. Next time, you will read to me ‘how to build a car’.”

Before Max even ends his sentence, (Y/N) launches herself from the couch and runs to get her book from her bedside table.

After an evening like this, none of them wants to have it any other way.

[andrewweldon]

Shhhh....

[voxvulgi]

before - bed routine, concept of home and family, fighting style, talk about one person your muse loves, describe your muse’s laugh, something your muse could never forgive- warrioroflondonbelow (For Hailey, if that's oki? :> )

* CHARACTER HEADCANONS || @warrioroflondonbelow

before - bed routine

Hailey doesn’t have a fixed bedtime routine other than brushing her teeth. Sometimes she uses facial wash, sometimes she doesn’t. Sometimes she drinks a glass of milk, sometimes she doesn’t. It all depends on the moment and what’s available to her, especially in her canon verse where she doesn’t always have every kind of home resource on hand. Her biggest non-hygienic constant would be hugging Jace goodnight and making sure the door is locked.

concept of home and family

Hailey will quote Lilo & Stitch at you. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. Home, consequently, can be anywhere because it’s wherever family is. Canonically, Hailey’s family is Jace and Xander, but she recognises and is more than willing to accept anyone she isn’t related to as family. Family is the people you love, those who make life worth living and hell worth walking through. They’re the bright side of every situation and the outcome for every sacrifice you make.

fighting style

Hailey tries not to fight, but she has to on occasion. Her fighting style is very surprise-oriented, as she uses her weak and harmless appearance to land a calculated blow or two. Of course, she’d rather not hurt anyone if she has to and always tries to make conversation and compromise first, but enemies are lethal more often than she’d like. Other than exploiting her unsuspectingness, Hailey is quick. She had enough prowess to avoid impact and damage and to escape the area when necessary. Usually, when she couldn’t land a good blow in the first try and escape isn’t an option, she’s likely to use her environment to hide and think and often confuse her enemy.

talk about one person your muse loves

I feel like I should talk about Jace because he’s the closest person to Hailey in the world...but let’s talk about Xander, shall we? He’s a biased guy. His prejudice against supernatural beings is undeniable, but so is his protective and calculating nature. To be honest, Xander probably wouldn’t have made it on his own for very long -- not without Jace and Hailey by his side, no matter how much of a burden the were initially and how they slowed him down. He is aware of this: That he won’t do too well on his own. Still, if he had the opportunity to convince of force the twins to stay behind, he would. Xander is cold, but all the ice came from years upon years of blaming himself for his mother and older brother’s deaths. He doesn’t want Jace and Hailey to face a similar fate, and he’s damned for letting them come along on his hunts, but he’d be even more damned if he didn’t watch over them well enough.

describe your muse’s laugh

Hailey’s laugh isn’t quite as bubbly as a baby’s, but it sure would remind you of one. Most of the time, she laughs more out of happiness than amusement or anything else. Some joys are less genuine than others, but Hailey will always signal her good mood or excitement with a laugh. Just with the way she smiles, she laughs often. But unlike with smiling, she doesn’t laugh much when she’s by herself. Hailey likes to think that other than a means of communication, her laughter can also lift other people’s mood. Hailey’s laugh is a sound that was essentially made to remind others that life is good, that it’s easy to be glad to be here on this earth.

something your muse could never forgive

Hailey could forgive any damage you do to her. But if you hurt someone she loves? Well-- it depends on what you did, still. If someone got Jace or Xander killed (especially in cold blood and without remorse), forgiveness would be out of the question. Similarly, if someone severely harmed a child (even if Hailey didn’t know said child, but witnessed the harm), she would find it unforgivably cruel. The same could be said for pets and other helpless animals. Basically, something Hailey could never forgive is irreversible harm to someone she loves or a helpless being, particularly if it were done only for the hell of it.

[blackcoffeeandblood]

why the fuck has no one a fucking scale in this accommodation, it drives me insaneeeeelfksixb how the hell do they all live with this unsuspectingness?

[waiting-for-motivation]

black and white | part one

summary: In a world where you see everything black and white until you meet your soulmate, (Y/n) and Steve Rogers are dating because there was a small incident during their first meeting. The truth is that Thor is (Y/n)s soulmate but he doesn‘t tell her because he sees how happy she is around Steve. What he doesn‘t know is that she is even happier around him.

request: Thor request?? Reader and Steve have been dating. Yet reader isn’t sure she loves him. When everyone was drinking and trying to lift Thor’s hammer, reader is the only one to succeed. Thor knows that not only is she worthy, but also his soulmate. So he starts acting odd around the couple and even a tad flirty with reader. it is a sticky situation since she is dating Steve, but she knows she and Thor are meant to be. (Pre endgame please?) :)

pairings: Thor x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader, Avengers x Reader

warnings: soulmate au, cheating, fluff, angst

words: 1979

a/n: This idea is soooo good! Thank you @thoringaround! Oh and please don‘t get me wrong I LOVE MY GOLDEN STEVIE ps: sorry that this lasted soooo long :(

MASTERLIST REQUEST RULES PART TWO

Being together with your soulmate should feel overwhelming but still (Y/n) has this gut feeling that Steve and her aren‘t meant to be. Sometimes the way he talks towards her when he is angry feels the wrong way. Sometimes she is happy when he is away on a mission. Sometimes she doesn‘t like the way his lips feel on her own. Sometimes she doesn‘t feel completely happy around him, like something is missing. Something important.

They can‘t never be hundred percent sure if they are meant to be together because Steve found his soulmate back in the 40s. Peggy was the first person that let him see colors.

Nevertheless it‘s possible to have two soulmates if your first one died. So it could be that they are each other’s soulmate but this unsuspectingness unsettles (Y/n). Steve on the contrary is happy to have a second soulmate because after Peggy‘s death he felt like never being happy again. And here he is, in his arms his second soulmate.

In those moments like now when his arms are around her waist and she feels his warmth she is for once happy. And those moments let (Y/n) forget her bad gut feeling and believe that Steve is her one and only.

For a few seconds (Y/n) enjoys his warmth but then decides to do something good for both of them. Slowly she sits up and puts Steve‘s arms on the bed, always careful not to wake him up. As she leaves the room she grabs one of Steve‘s pullovers and puts it over her short pajamas so that she wont get cold.

With a smile on her lips she enters the hallway and walks towards the kitchen where she wants to prepare a breakfast planning to share it with Steve in their bed. To her surprise someone is in the kitchen making coffee. Thor stands with his broad back to her and waits for his coffee to be ready. In the moment he hears someone entering the kitchen he slowly turns around and smiles welcoming at the young woman.

„Morning Thor.“ (Y/n) returns the smile and opens the fridge to take some jam, butter and the strawberries she brought yesterday out of it. „Why are you awake? Couldn‘t sleep?“ She puts the strawberries into a bowl and places it together with the jam and butter on a small tray.

„Sleep is for mortals. I‘m a god.“ Thor grabs a spoon out of one of the drawers to mix the milk with his coffee and in his movement he slightly touches (Y/n)s hand. Both of them feel a tingling but ignore it. (Y/n) keeps telling herself that it‘s nothing, while Thor knows the truth.

Still they look into each other’s eyes and right then and there (Y/n) realizes that Thor is flexing his biceps. Is he trying to impress (Y/n)? Probably.

„How could I forget that.“ A small giggle leaves (Y/n)s mouth and in that moment Thor can‘t ignore the engaging happiness he feels in every part of his body. For a few seconds he is completely happy but that must get destroyed by a certain super soldier who is entering the kitchen.

Immediately Thor turns towards his coffee and stares at the brown brew.

(Y/n) puts two toast into the toaster and smiles at her boyfriend who is walking right towards her and as he reaches her, embraces her in his arms. Only then (Y/n) realizes that Steve isn‘t wearing a shirt which makes her a little bit flustered.

In the moment they kiss, Thor decides to leave the room because he can‘t stand watching someone kiss what is actually supposed to be his. Unintentionally he slams the door behind himself with a loud sound that brings Steve and (Y/n) to interrupt their kiss.

„Is he okay?“ (Y/n) stares at the door through which Thor left. Her boyfriend only shrugs his shoulders and eats a strawberry.

„He is Thor. He will be fine.“ He kisses (Y/n) once again but this time on one of her cheeks before he puts the tray with their breakfast on the table. With a sad expression (Y/n) stares for a little longer at the closed door, thinking about Thor‘s behavior and then joining Steve for breakfast.

A week later all of the Avengers are having a small party in their common room to celebrate their last mission. Everyone is a little bit tipsy so they are all having the time of their lives. While (Y/n) sits right next to Steve and plays with his big hands, everyone tries lifting Thor‘s hammer Mjolnir to see if they are worthy. It‘s kind of a ritual now for the Avengers because every time they have a party at least Tony tries lifting it.

„Why don‘t you try it, honey?“ Steve looks up from their entangled hands and into (Y/n)s beautiful eyes. For a moment (Y/n) truly thinks about standing up and try lifting Mjolnir but then she shakes her head.

„I don‘t want to make a fool out of myself.“ The Avengers that sit next to (Y/n) and Steve laugh because right now Tony tries lifting the hammer in his Ironman suit. „Like Tony.“ A small giggle leaves (Y/n)s mouth and turn Thor‘s attention from Stark to the smiling (Y/n) who has her head on Steve‘s chest.

„If anyone could be worthy enough to lift Mjolnir it‘s you, Lady (Y/n).“ Everyone looks at Thor who is grinning at a rather unwell and kind of ashamed (Y/n). Her boyfriend looks a little bit angry at the god of thunder because his words sound like flirting in Steve‘s ears.

„Well, if you say so, Thor.“ Slowly (Y/n) stands up and walks over to the hammer. At first she stares at it because she is unsure how to grab it. Then she grabs it and as she takes a deep breath the hammer rises from the table. It‘s like no one even breathes in the common room because it‘s so silent (Y/n) is afraid everyone can hear her heartbeat.

A small smile creeps on (Y/n)s lips. Only she does know if it‘s because of the impact the hammer has on her or because she is proud of herself.

„Now you are welcome to come to Asgard whenever you desire.“ Thor is the first one to speak again and he stands up to get his hammer back. „But this is mine.“ As their fingers brush against one another they both feel a weird feeling deep in their stomachs. Like a week before they ignore it.

„Should we call you queen now?“ Tony grins over his beer bottle and relaxes the mood with his words. Everyone laughs, except for Steve. He looks with a jealous expression towards Thor and (Y/n) who are staring into each other’s eyes as if they were alone in the common room. This makes Steve so angry that he stands up, puts his empty beer bottle on the table and walks out of the room.

„Steven!?“ (Y/n) watches her soulmate leave in worry and follows him.

The problem is that she breaks the heart of her real soulmate with her actions. Thor thought that maybe (Y/n) would realize that they are supposed to be together after lifting the hammer and seeing that she is worthy but that was just a hopeless thought.

The next morning everyone sleeps in because most of the Avengers drunk to much the night before. Thor is the first one to enter the kitchen. Because he is a god and can take much alcohol before getting drunk he feels physically good. Psychologically not. His heart is aching and it yearns after his soulmate. It‘s even worse that his soulmate is close enough to touch but he wont allow himself to do it. Thor can‘t take the happiness away (Y/n) has with Steve.

Thinking of (Y/n) she must of course come through the door and walk into the kitchen. She looks to her feet. As she hears that someone else is in the kitchen she looks up and Thor is greeted with a tired face. Not that (Y/n) looks tired, no, she also looks sad and exhausted. The bags under her eyes look like she cried through the night instead of sleeping.

„Hey, is everything okay?“ The young woman doesn‘t answer which is an answer to Thor. He thinks about asking her more questions but then he realizes that if (Y/n) would want to talk to him then she would.

(Y/n) opens the fridge and grabs herself a yogurt which she eats at the big table in the middle of the kitchen. Bored and with an depressed expression (Y/n) stares at the table and leads her spoon towards her mouth.

Thor who prepared himself a tea also makes one for the woman because that may be one thing that relaxes her. After the teas are ready he puts one in front of (Y/n) and sits right next to her.

This small gesture breaks the ice and (Y/n) starts talking.

„Steve and I had a fight last night. He said things that hurt me really hard. I can‘t tell you but they were really…bad.“ Tears begin to form in (Y/n)s eyes as she speaks of the fight with her supposed soulmate. Thor shifts next to her. He thinks about telling her and ending his and above all her pain. She can‘t live her life with a person that is not her soulmate.

„Can I ask you something?“ After Thor spoke his question out loud he swallows hard and closes his eyes for a second. (Y/n) looks confused into his blue eyes but then nods her head. One more time Thor takes a deep breath. „Do you really think Steve is your soulmate?“

Silence.

(Y/n) stares shocked into Thor‘s eyes.

„Yes, of course. I mean, he is the reason I can see colors so why wouldn‘t he be my soulmate?“ She raises her eyebrows and watches Thor who seems to fight with himself. He wants so desperately to tell her the truth but what if that makes everything worse? What if she doesn‘t want him after she gets to know he lied to her all those years?

„I need to tell you something important, (Y/n), and it‘s okay if you hate me afterwards.“ A small giggle leaves (Y/n)s mouth as she shakes her head. She could never hate Thor. „You remember the day we first met? It was the same day you discovered Steve was your soulmate. I stood right behind him and as you saw him you also saw me. What I‘m trying to tell you is…that I‘m your soulmate. The day you first saw colors was also my first day seeing colors.“

The spoon (Y/n) held in her hands falls onto the table and interrupts the silence. The young woman opens her mouth but she can‘t find the right words.

„I didn‘t tell you because you seemed so happy around Steve and I didn‘t want to take the happiness away from you.“ Thoughtlessly Thor grabs one of her small hands and looks into her tearfully (e/c) eyes. To his surprise (Y/n) puts her other hand onto his cheek and looks so deep into his eyes that he could swear she can see his soul.

(Y/n) knows that this isn‘t a thing everyone would do in this situation, especially because she actually has a boyfriend, but she can‘t resist and kisses Thor. They both feel overwhelmed and Thor can‘t stop grinning. The tickling in their stomachs gets more dominant but one feeling that describes this moment the best is: happiness.

Both of them never felt that fulfilled. It‘s like they can see the colors around them even clearer.

„I found you.“ None of them thinks of Steve and the problems their relationship will cause in the Avengers compound because all they want to feel right now is each other.

Taglist: @xmarveled

[deviiantics--archived]

😘 ( for ralph~ )

Valentine’s Day Starters

😘- to give my Muse a Valentine’s Day kiss

Ralph had been isolated and withdrawn for so long that he almost never knew what holidays would return to the country, as many years seemed to pass without him. All the more it made him happier to be in company, because not so long ago he met another android, who treated Ralph so gently and nicely that it almost seemed untrue. The garden droid has long been no longer greeted with sincere friendliness, more from its own fear and paranoia, to be hurt and hated. Even from other androids. Simon was truly a blessing during his lonely time.

Today’s day of February turned out to be a less troubled one as Ralph decided to go outside to the backyard, offering Simon to join him, simply just to sit by him, to have a chat with. Much to his unsuspectingness of what Simon was planning on this special day. A short moment of silence came between the two synths as Ralph decided to face the blonde caretaker for a while longer before he could feel it… out of the sudden and unexpected. Lips gently pressed against the scarred pair of the gardendroid.

Ralph first didnt knew what to do, how to react. All he could feel right now was his system heat increasing but not drastically, his LED blinked between all three colour of Red, Yellow and Blue. A tremble appeared on his hands, not a nervous one like the usually ones. A tint of blue spread over the rosy skin of the gardener, nearly invisible as the thirium pump inside his chest went crazy. Of course Ralph knew the definition of kissing… just… he had never expected to be gifted with such sweet gesture one day, especially from Simon.

Seconds before the kiss broke Ralph actually managed to return some pressure of his own lips before it all ended far too soon. Nevertheless, quite taken aback, the android stared into these beautiful blue tinted eyes of the PL600, his entire system still working too much of what just happened before the scarred gardendroid turned his head, holding his two cheeks to somewhat hide the flush of thirium underneath. “Ralph… didn’t expect you would like him this much.” he murmured, a happy smile soon though crossed his mouth. “He didn’t expect to like it too...”

@pl923

[alhabu]

MORS VOLUNTARIA

when the end 

seems close enough to grab, 

we take the wind out of the sails 

and let ourselves drift on the open

rough sea

the almighty sun 

has already set 

and only the darkness of the night 

accompanies us on our last journey

the stars laugh treacherously down 

from the sky and light up the path of transience 

in a gentle white

inhale

exhale

thats all we’ve learned

but we turned our back on unsuspectingness 

and kept rowing

so that now

our flag slowly pans up and down 

in the rhythm of the waves

symbolizing our message

the night was too cold and too harsh

we did not complete the mission

we did not make it

[me-the-open-book]

Dear Diary

Friday, 26th of July, 2013

Two more days and we’ll go like usually every summer holiday to the old farm by my grandparents in the south of france. In all this daily wirld wind situations it’s always been a pleasure to spend these two weeks of in the middle of nowhere, enjoying a good book and caprese with the fresh baguette from the downtown bakery. I can’t wait to finally smell the country air, to swim all afternoon in the pool and watching fascinatet from nature, the summer-thunderstorms.

~

I recognize that my thoughts are coming back again about my sexuality. Once again I get doubts about my identity and I just don’t get why I’m not coming to a point. It seams like a big deal for my inner self so why I’m in such unsuspectingness? To have some laying next to me, that’ll take me in their arms when I’m falling asleep would outfill a big dream of mine at the moment. But in this scenario there is not a girl holding me - it’s a boy. I can’t explain why. It’s just that the thought of a loving boy is way more appealing to me than about a girl. I remember the thoughted about a possibility to change those feelings. No matter what - back then I would’ve choosen it. But for now I don’t want to change a think about that. I may be not for sure with which gender I’ll fullfill my life one day, but to be honest I don’t want to loose this doubts for this time right now.

I don’t think bad about homosexuals. To be honest I don’t really think bad about any may-be-minority. I’m trying to understand. To understand a religious, a mother, a lover and a fighter, the bully and a psychopath, the murderer and a traumatized victim. I’m trying to understand all this multifaceted possibilities about the human beeing. I wan’t to explore and take the best out of it. Even when I’m slow with that. So may this day end with another: Maybe Gay...

[beingonajourney]

Going in unsuspectingness might be the hardest thing to do, but if you want to build onto something this is the right and only way to do it. May you find your love back to me.