#urine drug screen

[mcatmemoranda]

Taking trazodone can cause a urine drug screen to pop positive for fentanyl. I didn't know that. Had a pt whose UDS was positive for fentanyl. Send out was negative. He takes trazodone.

[101mobilemedicalsolutions]

The Importance of Employee Medical Screening for a Healthy Workplace

In today's fast-paced and ever-changing work environment, the health and well-being of employees play a crucial role in determining a company’s success. A healthy workforce means higher productivity, fewer sick days, and a safer work environment. One of the most effective ways to ensure that employees are healthy and fit for work is through employee medical screening.

Employee medical screening refers to a set of health evaluations that help detect potential health issues before they become serious problems. These screenings not only benefit the employees by identifying health risks early but also help employers maintain a safer, more productive workplace.

At 101 Mobile Medical Solutions, we understand the significance of regular health checks and offer comprehensive employee medical screening services designed to suit various industries. In this blog, we’ll explore why employee medical screening is essential for a healthy workplace and how it can benefit both employees and employers.

Why is Employee Medical Screening Important? 1. Early Detection of Health Issues One of the primary reasons for conducting employee medical screenings is the early detection of potential health problems. Many serious health issues, such as hypertension, diabetes, and respiratory conditions, may not present obvious symptoms in their early stages. Regular screening helps identify these conditions before they progress, allowing for timely treatment and management.

For industries where employees are exposed to hazardous materials or strenuous physical labor, such as construction, mining, and manufacturing, regular screening becomes even more critical. At 101 Mobile Medical Solutions, we offer specialized screening services tailored to these high-risk environments, helping companies protect their workforce from occupational hazards.

2. Promoting a Healthier Workforce A healthy workforce is a productive workforce. By investing in regular employee medical screenings, companies can promote better overall health and well-being among their employees. Health screenings encourage employees to stay mindful of their lifestyle choices, such as diet, exercise, and managing stress.

Healthy employees tend to have higher morale, lower absenteeism, and better job satisfaction. This ultimately benefits the organization, as a happier, healthier workforce is more engaged and committed to delivering their best work.

3. Reducing Workplace Accidents In high-risk industries, such as construction and manufacturing, employee medical screening plays a vital role in reducing workplace accidents. Screenings can identify potential physical or medical conditions that may make it unsafe for an employee to perform specific tasks. For instance, an employee with undiagnosed vision or hearing issues may be at greater risk of an accident on the job.

By conducting routine health checks, employers can ensure that their employees are fit for duty and help reduce the risk of accidents, which leads to fewer injuries, lower insurance premiums, and less downtime due to work-related incidents.

4. Compliance with Legal and Industry Standards Many industries are required by law to perform regular health checks on their employees to ensure compliance with safety regulations. For example, in the construction and mining sectors, companies must meet occupational health and safety standards to minimize risks to workers.

101 Mobile Medical Solutions offers employee medical screening services that comply with industry-specific regulations, ensuring that businesses meet their legal obligations while keeping their workforce safe and healthy.

5. Enhancing Employee Well-being and Retention When companies show a commitment to their employees' health through regular screenings, it creates a positive work environment. Employees feel valued and cared for, knowing that their employer prioritizes their health and well-being. This, in turn, can lead to higher employee retention rates, as workers are more likely to stay with a company that invests in their well-being.

At 101 Mobile Medical Solutions, we believe that employee well-being should be at the heart of every organization. Our comprehensive medical screening services help businesses foster a culture of health and safety, which translates into long-term success.

What Services are Included in Employee Medical Screening? At 101 Mobile Medical Solutions, we offer a wide range of employee medical screening services tailored to meet the needs of various industries. Our services include:

Physical Examination Services: Thorough health assessments to ensure employees are physically fit for work. Mobile Occupational Health Services: Convenient, on-site health checks to minimize disruption to your business. Drug & Urine Testing: Identifying potential substance abuse issues that could pose risks in the workplace. Lung Function Testing: Particularly useful in industries where workers are exposed to harmful airborne substances. Vision and Hearing Screening: Ensuring employees' sensory functions are adequate for job requirements. Audiometric Hearing Testing: For industries with high noise exposure, we offer specialized hearing assessments. On-Site Clinic Management: We provide comprehensive on-site medical services, ensuring your employees receive health care when and where they need it.

FAQs Q1. What is Employee Medical Screening? A: Employee medical screening involves health assessments aimed at identifying potential health issues among employees. It helps ensure that workers are fit for their specific job roles and identifies any underlying conditions that could impact their performance or safety.

Q2. Why is Employee Medical Screening important for employers? A: Regular medical screening helps employers reduce absenteeism, improve productivity, ensure compliance with legal health regulations, and maintain a safer workplace. It also demonstrates an employer’s commitment to employee well-being, which can improve employee satisfaction and retention.

Q3. How often should employees undergo medical screening? A: The frequency of screenings may vary depending on the industry, the nature of the work, and any legal requirements. High-risk industries may require more frequent screenings, while other businesses may opt for annual health checks.

Q4. Can Employee Medical Screening prevent workplace accidents? A: Yes, regular screenings can identify health issues that may contribute to workplace accidents, such as vision or hearing problems, high blood pressure, or substance abuse. By addressing these issues, employers can help prevent accidents and create a safer work environment.

Q5. Why choose 101 Mobile Medical Solutions for Employee Medical Screening? A: At 101 Mobile Medical Solutions, we offer flexible, on-site medical screening services tailored to your industry’s specific needs. Our experienced healthcare professionals provide thorough assessments while minimizing downtime for your business, helping you maintain a healthy, safe, and productive workforce.

In conclusion, employee medical screening is an essential aspect of maintaining a healthy workplace. By investing in regular health checks, businesses can ensure the safety, well-being, and productivity of their employees. At 101 Mobile Medical Solutions, we provide top-quality medical screening services that help companies protect their workforce while promoting long-term success.

For more information or to schedule a screening for your employees, contact us today!

[laneworksafe]

Maintaining a safe and productive workplace is crucial for any business. One significant aspect of this is addressing drug and alcohol use among employees. Substance abuse in the workplace can lead to accidents, decreased productivity, and legal issues. Implementing a robust drug and alcohol testing program is essential to ensure a safe and efficient working environment.

[creativeera]

Drug Screening: Ensuring a Safe and Productive Work Environment

Types of Tests There are several different types of drug screening tests that are commonly used by employers to detect illegal drug use among employees and job applicants. The most common types include urine drug tests, hair drug tests, saliva drug tests, and breathalyzer tests. Urine Drug Tests Urine drug testing is the most widely used method for workplace drug screening. It can detect drug use within the past few days by identifying drug metabolites in urine. The turnaround time for urine drug test results is usually 1-3 business days. Employers prefer urine tests because collection can be monitored to prevent tampering with samples. However, urine tests only provide a snapshot of recent drug use and cannot detect drugs used further in the past. Hair Drug Tests Hair drug testing provides a longer detection window than urine tests since it can detect drug use going back months rather than just days. When a person uses drugs, metabolites from the drugs enter the bloodstream and deposit in growing hair follicles. Sections of hair are collected and tested to detect these drug metabolites. Hair tests are more difficult to tamper with than urine but cannot detect very recent drug use like urine or saliva tests can. Saliva Drug Tests Saliva (oral fluid) Drug Screening drug testing detects drug use within the last few days, similar to urine testing. A small sample of saliva is collected, usually via a swab that is placed under the tongue. Saliva testing is less invasive than other options and provides almost immediate results. However, saliva drug tests may have a slightly shorter detection window than urine tests for some drugs. Breathalyzer Tests Breathalyzer tests are used to detect recent alcohol consumption by measuring a person's blood alcohol concentration (BAC) through a breath sample. They provide results within minutes. Breathalyzers are commonly used for random alcohol screening in safety-sensitive workplaces and to screen for possible impairment due to recent alcohol use. However, they cannot detect long-term problematic drinking patterns like other drug tests. Implementing an Effective Drug Screening Program When establishing a workplace drug screening program, employers should consider factors like their needs, budget, and applicable laws and regulations. Programs typically involve pre-employment drug testing of job applicants, random testing of current employees, as well as testing based on reasonable suspicion of drug use. Employers must have clear, written anti-drug use policies that outline prohibited substances, testing procedures, confidentiality practices, and consequences for positive tests. Providing education about these policies helps ensure employees understand rules and available support resources. Chain of custody procedures should be followed to maintain integrity of all collected samples and test results.

Get more insights on Drug Screening

Alice Mutum is a seasoned senior content editor at Coherent Market Insights, leveraging extensive expertise gained from her previous role as a content writer. With seven years in content development, Alice masterfully employs SEO best practices and cutting-edge digital marketing strategies to craft high-ranking, impactful content. As an editor, she meticulously ensures flawless grammar and punctuation, precise data accuracy, and perfect alignment with audience needs in every research report. Alice's dedication to excellence and her strategic approach to content make her an invaluable asset in the world of market insights.

(LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/alice-mutum-3b247b137 )

[amhnationwide]

How to Get a Pre-Employment Drug Test

New Post has been published on https://amhnationwide.com/drug-testing/how-to-get-a-pre-employment-drug-test/

How to Get a Pre-Employment Drug Test

categories: #DrugTesting tags: #BloodTesting, #HairFollicleTesting, #PreEmploymentDrugTest, #PreEmploymentScreenings, #SalivaTesting, #UrineTesting

[currentnewsofmarket]

Bulk Up Your Drug Testing Game: How to Score the Best Deals on Drug Tests

If you're looking to buy drug tests in bulk, you'll want to make sure you're getting the best deal possible. After all, drug testing can be a major expense for companies, schools, and other organizations that require it. In this article, we'll share some tips on how to score the best deals on drug tests, with a focus on 12 panel now drug tests.

Compare prices from multiple vendors

One of the most important things you can do when buying drug tests in bulk is to compare prices from multiple vendors. This will give you a sense of what the market rate is for drug tests, and help you identify vendors who are offering good deals. When comparing prices, be sure to take into account any additional costs such as shipping or handling fees.

Look for discounts and promotions

Another way to save money on drug tests is to look for discounts and promotions. Many vendors offer special deals to customers who buy in bulk, or to customers who are purchasing for the first time. Keep an eye out for these promotions and take advantage of them when they're available.

Consider the shelf life of the drug tests

When buying drug tests in bulk, it's important to consider the shelf life of the tests. Some drug tests have a shorter shelf life than others, which means that they may expire before you have a chance to use them all. Make sure you're aware of the shelf life of the tests you're buying, and try to choose tests that have a longer shelf life.

Buy from a reputable vendor

Finally, when buying drug tests in bulk, it's important to buy from a reputable vendor. This will ensure that you're getting high-quality tests that are accurate and reliable. Look for vendors who have a good reputation in the industry, and who offer guarantees or warranties on their products.

At 12 Panel Now, we offer a wide range of drug tests at competitive prices. We're committed to providing our customers with high-quality tests that are accurate, reliable, and easy to use. Whether you're looking to buy drug tests for your business, school, or other organization, we've got you covered. Contact us today to learn more about our products and services.

Source: https://drug-test-kits-wholesale-supplier.blogspot.com/2023/05/bulk-up-your-drug-testing-game-how-to.html

[wescreen]

Drug & Alcohol Testing Service

Website : https://www.wescreen.net/

Address : Miami, Florida, USA

We screen provides Drug and Alcohol testing services for all needs including employment, DOT, court-ordered, and school.

We offer a variety of drug screen panels, by collecting urine, and hair specimens. Our alcohol testing is done by BAT machine, and/or urine and ETG testing.

We collect DOT compliant drug and alcohol testing for all of the industry categories; FMCSA, FTA, FRA, PHMSA, USCG and FAA. We abide by the Department of Transportation rule 49 CFR Part 40. Our specimens are sent to a SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) certified laboratory, and reviewed by a MRO (Medical Review Officer).

On-site/mobile testing is also available, contact us for fee and availability. If your needing same day results, we offer rapid/instant tests as well.

We service the surrounding areas of Miami-Dade County; Wyndwood, Miami, North Miami, North Miami Beach, Opa-Locka, Miami Gardens, Aventura, Brickell, Sunny Isles, Miami Beach, ETC.

Our Services:

Fingerprint Testing

Parternity Testing

Drug/Alcohol testing

Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/wescreen1/

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[relevantdrugtestingsblog]

What are The Benefits of Urgent Drug Testing?

An instant drug test, as the name suggests, provides results immediately after you provide a sample. It is called immunoassay screening, and its purpose is to detect the presence of drugs. It will show either negative or positive results that clearly define whether the sample involved a drug substance or not. The test specimen for urgent drug testing is oral fluid or urine. This rapid test usually screens different drug substances like cocaine, marijuana, opiates, amphetamine, methadone, and others.

The goal of a drug test is to detect drug use or misuse. Moreover, drug screening is effective in preventing accidents, costs, health issues, and litigation. Before delving into the various methods of instant drug testing, consider the advantages. It will give you an idea of why you should opt for rapid drug testing.

Benefits of Instant Drug Testing

1. Reduced Drug Use in the Workplace: Instant drug testing is an effective deterrent to workplace drug use. It serves as a warning to employees that drug use will not be tolerated and may result in disciplinary action.

2. Quick Results: Urgent drug tests provide accurate and timely results. If drugs are discovered in an employee's system, employers can take immediate action.

3. Cost-Effective: They require fewer steps and less labour, and are less expensive than traditional drug tests. It will increase the productivity at workplace and reduce the cost of accidents and injuries.

4. Easy to Use: Urgent drug tests are simple to use and require very little training. This makes them ideal for employers who want to test their employees quickly and accurately.

5. Accurate Results: Instant drug tests are highly accurate and provide results that are difficult to falsify. This further reduces the risk of drug use in the workplace.

6. Safety: Employers can ensure employee safety and detect any potential for drug-related accidents or injuries by detecting drug use in the workplace.

There are different types of drug testing methods, but all of them don’t deliver rapid results. Following, we list two main tests that give you drug detection results in urgent situations. Although it is less accurate than other tests, it can provide results with 99% accuracy.

Best ways of Urgent Drug Testing

1. Rapid Drug Screening: Most drugs have rapid drug screening tests that can provide results in minutes. To detect the presence of drugs, these tests use saliva or urine.

2. Instant Drug Test Kits: Most drugs have instant drug test kits like breath analyzers that can provide results in minutes. These tests detect the presence of drugs in urine or saliva.

Final Thought

Hopefully, you now have a better understanding of immediate drug testing results. If you still have queries, then you can connect with us at Relevant Drug Testing Solutions. Since 2002, we have been providing comprehensive solutions to complaints in Drug and Alcohol Management Programs throughout Australia. Our experts also help you develop policies to protect your organization. If you need help regarding urgent drug testing, you can reach out to us for a confidential discussion. Let’s visit our website.

[relevantdrugtest]

Drug And Alcohol Testing Sydney | Relevant Drug Testing Solutions

Are you looking for the best Drug And Alcohol Testing in Sydney? Your search is over. At Relevant Drug Testing Solutions, we are Australia’s premier provider of alcohol and drug testing services. We are professional and unique in all alcohol and drug testing matters, which you can trust. Our services are comprehensive, reliable, and designed to minimize operational downtime on your work site. Browse our website for more detail.

[battymommastuff]

The Loop [Caution: Sharp Objects]

Batmom x Batfamily

Prompt: It was all a nightmare...simply a nightmare right? Right?

TW: DARK THEMES, NEEDLES AND DEATH

Masterlist Part 1

(GIF not mine)

You uncomfortably made breakfast as Cassandra stared holes into your head. Every Time you moved too quickly, she would flinch then reach out for you. As if she were trying to protect you from something. While you enjoyed spending time with the people you considered your children, this was making you weary.

You were still trying to figure out what happened earlier that morning. Never in your life were you greeted like that. Every single face that you saw had the same look of pure horror on it. It was like you had died right in front of them or something.

"She's just cooking...cooking breakfast." Barbara said as she watched you from the security cameras in the kitchen. Well it wasn't just her watching. "Every movement, and order she's cooking in was exactly the same." Barbara leaned closer to the camera, she wasn't going to miss any details. Anything that you do differently, she will document.

"A hallucigen?" Tim suggested grimacing when he felt the needle push into his vein. Alfred hummed in thought as he collected another blood sample to test, "We were all at the fight with the League, it's possible they used some invisible drug. Maybe us waking up was the drug leaving our system?" Tim asked as Alfred pulled the needle from his arm. After getting it bandaged, he stood up so Duke could get his blood tested next.

"That is likely, we should have done urine samples instead." Bruce mumbled as he analyzed their blood for any signs of drugs or anything that didn't belong.

"Bruce, all the blood is coming up clean. If we were drugged, I doubt something that strong would wash out that quickly. I mean come on, we were all there. We felt her dead body, I felt her blood soak into my pants. There was no way it was fake. It was too real." Dick snapped and ran his hand through his hair, "I felt her body get cold. How is any of this even happening?" He asked then walked away while weaving his fingers through his hair. Stephanie followed after him to try and console him.

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Okay, you were a little offended. You've just finished your famous breakfast, and no one is anywhere to be seen. Well except Cass, who was still watching you while she ate. After a few minutes of the silence, you stood up and stormed to the batcave.

The team was hard at work trying to figure out what happened when you made your way into the dark and gloomy place. "I made a delicious breakfast, and no one has come up to enjoy it. What possibly is so important that you couldn't wait?" You asked while crossing you arms.

They nearly jumped out of their skin when they heard your voice. They were so focused on finding a solution, that they didn't hear you coming down the steps.

Your eyes drifted from your family to the giant computer screen where you saw the results of their drug tests, "What is going on?" You asked then grabbing the nearest person who happened to be Damian. You turned his arm around to see the gauze and bandage wrapped around his arm.

"After the fight with the League, we wanted to make sure we were under the effects of anything dangerous. A simple precaution." Bruce said quickly as he made his way over to you. He rested his hands on your waist, but you noticed the slight hesitation as he did. "Now, let's go eat your breakfast." He said then started leading you out of the batcave, which only led you to ask more questions.

The surprise party was quickly canceled. Even if it was a dream, they didn't want to relive an ounce of those memories. Instead, they opted to take you shopping to your favorite places. Each store, they took turns buying you whatever you wanted. To you, it looked like a simple family outing, but to others, it looked like you were walking around with bodyguards.

Damian even went as far as threatening someone who glanced at you for too long.

After several stores, it was time to get a snack. Everyone managed to cram themselves into the outside patio of an ice cream shop. Bruce felt at ease being that they were in the safer part of the city. You ate your ice cream while chatting away happily. Everyone began to relax, and finally started to feel as if this was just a bad dream.

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Now fully relaxed, your family abandoned the protection formation. You were pushing Barbara and chatting with Jason casually. Though you didn't miss the sketchy person that had been following you. Your constant glances behind you didn't go unnoticed by Jason who alerted the rest of the family.

As soon as the stalker realized he'd been discovered, he lunged for you. Jason quickly intervened, but this man was clearly skilled. It wasn't long before your entire family was fighting to subdue this man. They had to do so as best they could without raising any suspicion as to who their alter egos were. After their success, they proceeded to question him. He could be linked to their dream...if it was real.

Though they would never think that this man could have a partner. He did. You let out a strangled scream when someone grabbed you from behind and a knife was plunged into your chest. The knife left your body, only to be plunged in again and again. Both men ran in opposite directions after the deed was done. This time, Damian was the one who caught you instead of your body hitting the ground.

The young boy watched as you coughed up your blood, and looked at you bleeding body in shock. You then looked up at Damian and your eyes went cold. "Ummi?" He called out while pressing his small hands against your wounds, as if that would help. How could this have happened? What the hell was going on?

Like the night at the party, everyone stood in shock. It was up to one of the Gotham citizens to call the police.

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Police cars, and news vans crowded the area as the family found themselves reliving the horrible night over again. Though no one was holding your body this time. A bloody white sheet covered it. Jason was currently handcuffed and in the back of a police car after he took his anger out on another one.

Gordon knelt by his daughter's side in an attempt to get her to speak, but she was quiet. All eyes were on your corpse once again. What did they do wrong? Was someone out to kill you? First a bullet through the head, then being stabbed in the middle of the street? It didn't make sense.

Dick sat on the ground with his head in his hands when he felt the urge to look up. Across the street where the massive crowd was, he saw a dark figure standing there. It seemed like no one could see it, but him, "Guys?" He called out as he stood up. Everyone looked at him, then followed his pointed finger. Like Dick, they saw the same dark figure.

They watched as it cocked its head to the side then held up an all too familiar music box. Slowly, it opened and the crank started to spin. Bruce started running across the street to try and stop this figure, but his body collapsed to the ground. Gordon caught his daughter when she fell into his arms. She was fast asleep.

Dick held himself up against the wall while trying to memorize every detail of this figure. Whatever it was, he was going to stop it.

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Damian woke up with cold sweat on his body. He wasted no time in getting out of bed to get to his parent's bedroom. He was wearing the same pj's as last time. He threw the door open, and saw that Bruce had just woken up.

Ignoring his father, he went right to the bathroom where you were rubbing some lotion onto your hands. "Damian, what's-" You were cut off when Damian collided with you. His arms were nearly crushing you, "Ummi." He whimpered out like he did when he was having a nightmare. You rested one hand on his head, and the other was on his back.

"It's alright little bird, I'm right here. Everything is okay."

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TAGLIST

@justafanficsreader @seaweed-orchid @O-n-1-x @jared-oranges

@cumbermovels

[feminist-space]

"Now, already experiencing the clawing pangs of contractions, she pulled out a frozen pizza and a salad with creamy everything dressing, savoring the hush that fell over the house, the satisfying crunch of the poppy seeds as she ate.

Horton didn’t realize that she would be drug tested before her child’s birth. Or that the poppy seeds in her salad could trigger a positive result on a urine drug screen, the quick test that hospitals often use to check pregnant patients for illicit drugs.

Many common foods and medications — from antacids to blood pressure and cold medicines — can prompt erroneous results.

The morning after Horton delivered her daughter, a nurse told her she had tested positive for opiates. Horton was shocked. She hadn’t requested an epidural or any narcotic pain medication during labor — she didn’t even like taking Advil. “You’re sure it was mine?” she asked the nurse.

If Horton had been tested under different circumstances — for example, if she was a government employee and required to be tested as part of her job — she would have been entitled to a more advanced test and to a review from a specially trained doctor to confirm the initial result.

But as a mother giving birth, Horton had no such protections. The hospital quickly reported her to child welfare, and the next day, a social worker arrived to take baby Halle into protective custody.

...

To report this story, The Marshall Project interviewed dozens of patients, medical providers, toxicologists and other experts, and collected information on more than 50 mothers in 22 states who faced reports and investigations over positive drug tests that were likely wrong. We also pored over thousands of pages of policy documents from every state child welfare agency in the country.

Problems with drug screens are well known, especially in workplace testing. But there’s been little investigation of how easily false positives can occur inside labor and delivery units, and how quickly families can get trapped inside a system of surveillance and punishment.

Hospitals reported women for positive drug tests after they ate everything bagels and lemon poppy seed muffins, or used medications including the acid reducer Zantac, the antidepressant Zoloft and labetalol, one of the most commonly prescribed blood pressure treatments for pregnant women.

After a California mother had a false positive for meth and PCP, authorities took her newborn, then dispatched two sheriff’s deputies to also remove her toddler from her custody, court records show. In New York, hospital administrators refused to retract a child welfare report based on a false positive result, and instead offered the mother counseling for her trauma, according to a recording of the conversation. And when a Pennsylvania woman tested positive for opioids after eating pasta salad, the hearing officer in her case yelled at her to “buck up, get a backbone, and stop crying,” court records show. It took three months to get her newborn back from foster care.

Federal officials have known for decades that urine screens are not reliable. Poppy seeds — which come from the same plant used to make heroin — are so notorious for causing positives for opiates that last year the Department of Defense directed service members to stop eating them. At hospitals, test results often come with warnings about false positives and direct clinicians to confirm the findings with more definitive tests.

Yet state policies and many hospitals tend to treat drug screens as unassailable evidence of illicit use, The Marshall Project found. Hospitals across the country routinely report cases to authorities without ordering confirmation tests or waiting to receive the results."

Read the full piece here: https://www.themarshallproject.org/2024/09/09/drug-test-pregnancy-pennsylvania-california

[beemovieerotica]

if you feel comfortable with sharing, can you explain the process for the psilocybin trial? like what you had to do, who was with you in the room, the people involved, ect.

Oh for sure!

The whole process took about 4 months from the initial screening survey to the first actual treatment. (I still have another treatment scheduled for a couple weeks from now, as of writing this).

To get started, I filled out a survey online, sent an e-mail to their point of contact, did a brief phone interview, and then I was enrolled.

I had 2 big in-person pre-treatment events, and the first was a full 8-hour day of psychological and physical screenings (lots and lots of surveys) - including an in-person sit-down with a psychiatrist going through basically everything in my past. Adverse events, my childhood, life stress, relationships, anything that might come up during the psilocybin session and that plays a part in aggravating OCD.

I also talked with an OCD specialist, another remote psychiatrist, and did a full physical with their medical team, got a complete blood panel done, and an EKG since hallucinogens can cause spikes in blood pressure, and I would have been screened out if I had any cardiac conditions.

Once I got the all-clear on my blood panel and EKG reading, I was able to move on to he second in-person visit. It was a full day of EEG testing to get my baseline brain activity down - they hooked me up to a monitor with electrodes on my head, and I played a lot of very boring video games, did memory tests, and they showed me distressing, neutral, and happy images to see what my reaction was - again, for a full 8-ish hour day.

All of these in-person visits required urine drug screenings - I was not allowed to take THC or any other substance for the duration of the study. Specific prescription medications are also not allowed.

We then set the date for my actual dosing sessions and I was assigned two guides. One of them is an MD + psychiatrist, the other is a psychiatrist. I had three prep sessions with them, going in-depth and basically letting them know who I am and why I want to do all this, and they were there to answer any questions I had and help get me mentally prepared. Overall we wanted to establish trust & safety, because they would be the two people watching over me and interacting with me during my session.

I went in-person two days before my session to see the space where I would be tripping and meet my guides face to face. The space is a very soothing psychiatrist's office type place with a sofa, comfy chairs, nice carpeting, and peaceful pictures on the walls. My guides are awesome - they were selected for me by the point of contact who had helped me through most of the screening, who worked to match participants with study staff. There's always an open line of communication - I've been able to text and call them with concerns, and I was also notified that if I want to change guides at any point (or if I want to drop out of the study altogether) I can do so with no repercussions.

The dosing session was a full 9-5 day: I arrived at 8:30 to do a urine drug screening, fill out surveys, and then I took a blue pill and waited for the effects to kick in. The whole session was recorded for my safety and for accountability of the guides.

The sofa had been converted to a bed - I was asked, as much as possible, to just lie down, put on a sleep mask to block out any vision / light, and wear noise-canceling headphones with a pre-selected playlist of instrumental music on it. I really enjoyed the playlist (lol) I felt like it set the tone for a lot of the revelations I had, and they genuinely did a great job choosing tracks.

The whole point was to minimize outside influences and to have the participants look inward and work on themselves. The guides offered two options for physical reassurance: if I wanted, I could put my hand out and one of them would come over and ask, "Do you want your hand held?" and if I replied affirmatively, they would hold my hand firmly until I asked them to stop. They also offered a "shoulder touch" - firm pressure on the shoulder - but I only took the hand hold for about a half hour on the come-up before sailing off on my own.

They also said that I was completely free to remove the headphones and mask and talk to them at any point if it became overwhelming - they would engage with me as much as I needed to, but they would gently encourage participants to re-enter the "default state" (lying down, eyes closed, music on).

I ended up only talking to them when I needed bathroom breaks - they walked me over to the bathroom (no lock), waited outside, and walked me back to make sure I didn't fall.

They had a medical kit in the room, and I was told that if my blood pressure ever reached a concerning point, they had sub-lingual meds that could lower it and put me back in a safe zone. My BP was fine the whole time, and other than my heart rate being a bit high from initial anxiety, it leveled off as soon as the peak hit.

I was in it, processing and crying for the whole 5 hours of the trip and only responding when they needed to take my blood pressure and heart rate (at first every 5 minutes, then 30 minutes, then every hour - this was done with minimal interruption, I barely noticed it happening). After the trip, I came out of it and talked to them and processed a little bit of what had happened still on the video recording - they were really curious about big first impressions and highlights of the trip. I filled out a bunch of surveys. Spouse came and picked me up, and I was asked to do a full write-up at home capturing everything I'd experienced on the trip.

I'm currently in the "in-between" phase and am doing my check-ins and processing of the first trip before I do my second one next-next week. The full study length is six months long - I'm going to keep doing check-ins and surveys into next year to see if the positive effects actually stick around for that long. Six months is kind of the gold standard for a lot of clinical trials, and I think it's also about as long as they can usually retain people and keep them responding to surveys lol. I'm trying to think if I've missed anything, let me know if you have any other questions!

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[fortheloveofwonderland]

Rusty | Chapter 5 | SR

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Chapter Summary - Once you sober up, you and Spencer start to learn a little more about each other. But when things get heated between you, Spencer becomes distant.

Paring - Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - strangers to friends to lovers | angst | smut minors DNI

Warnings - this chapter goes into some gritty detail about a past sexual assault / rape in form of forced oral sex (please tread lightly), blood, injuries, hangovers, talk of sexuality, talk of break ups, past death of a parent, past physical abuse, swearing, tears, making out, brief suicidal thoughts, rape statistics, PTSD, brief mentions of past drug addiction, Maeve and Cat Adams, vomit.

WC - 6k

Chapter 5 - Gunpowder and Led

When the phone rang for a fourth time, Spencer felt himself relenting. It was sitting in the open palm of his right hand, vibrating against his skin. 

The first three times he’d seen the flash of his name on the screen he’d quickly looked away, ignoring the sound, ignoring the vibration. 

But it just kept ringing. 

By this time it was dark, nearing ten pm and to say he was exhausted would be stark understatement. 

After getting you back to the ranch he went straight to the stable. It took somewhere in the region of a half hour to get down from his horse given the amount of pain he was in from riding to and from town. 

When he’d finally gotten down and freed Willow of her saddle and gear, he’d limped back towards his lodge where he’d left you with the key and told you to go sit down. 

He expected to find you on the couch or maybe even on the porch still. Instead he’d found you curled up in his bed, sheets tucked up to your chin as you snored quietly against his pillow. 

A cursory glance at the room and the clothes strewn around the floor told him you no doubt wore little more than underwear beneath the sheet.  

It probably shouldn’t be such a big deal, but Spencer’s mental hang ups had only gotten worse due to his social isolation. He was more of a germaphobe now than he’d ever been, at least with regards to humans. 

Horses, he didn’t mind. It didn’t phase him at all when Willow or Frank or Wilbur ate from his hand and left behind their saliva. He didn’t even blink at having to scoop up their faeces or clean out piles of urine soaked hay. 

But humans were another thing entirely. 

The most physical contact he’d had in two years was at the hospital this morning when the nurse had fitted his cast. She wore gloves of course, which alleviated some of his anxiety towards the situation. 

But now there was a person in his bed. His sanitised safe place for which no one else had ever breached. His cleanliness extended to the point he made a habit of changing his bedsheets every couple of days and he had planned to change them tomorrow in any case. 

He would certainly not be able to sleep between those sheets now another body had inhabited them. It played on his mind as he left you to sleep. He briefly considered waking you but the damage was done now. 

He tried to occupy his mind by going about his daily routine, which was made much more arduous given his incapacity. He started by taking the three horses out to their pen so he could clean out the stable. Usually he could take all three at once but his limited movement and use of only one hand meant he had to take them one at a time. 

He hitched up their reins and one by one led them up the hill towards the large, fenced off area which was located at the edge of the ravine which ran the length of the northern side of his land. 

Willow first. Then Wilbur. Finally Franklin.

The ache in his knee and the throb in his thigh multiplied with each trip up and down that hill and by the time the stable was empty he barely had the energy left to clean it out. But he pushed on, despite the pain and despite his lack of motivation.

It took well over an hour for him to successfully clean each of their paddocks but at least it meant his three horses had longer to strut around in the field because there was no way Frank and Wilbur were to be ridden today. 

Once he’d cleaned it out, filled their troughs and replenished their water, one by one he led the horses home. By this point he had to go and pop another couple of Tylenol and sit down for ten minutes with a mug of honey and lemon tea. 

After he did much the same with his six cattle. Their own barn was part of their enclosed area, they had access to come and go as they pleased through the open door as they spent most of their time eating the grass. 

All six, four cows and two bulls, were already outside which made his job a little easier. He cleaned the barn, replenished their foods and water while they meandered of their own volition. 

When he was finished he leaned against the fence and watched them for a while, smiling a little as he thought back to that conversation with JJ. 

“And what would you do with cattle?” 

“You know, look at ‘em, pet ‘em…I hadn’t really thought about that. But I’ll figure it out.” 

Looking at them and petting them was pretty much all Spencer derived from his cattle after all. He did take advantage of their milk supply every once in a while but didn’t particularly relish the milking process so it wasn’t habitual. Mostly he just liked to watch them. 

If he had a favourite it would be Cupid. She was the runt of the group, much smaller than her companions. He had named her such for the heart shaped black splodge around her left eye. Cupid’s brother Sampson was damn near twice her size and they fought like cat and dog. 

His other girls, Daisy, Annabel and Jasmine were also much bigger than Cupid but they were all amicable with each other. His final bull, Duke, was the biggest of them all, broad and thick and the darkest of blacks in colour. He looked terrifying and Spencer had been extremely reluctant in purchasing him. 

But then Duke had looked at him with large, doe eyes and licked Spencer’s hand in such a calming manner that Spencer had instantly fallen in love with the older bull. 

He stood leaning against the fence for some time, just watching them roam about, munch on the grass, interact with one another. 

As companions he preferred horses but to just sit by and watch he favoured the cattle. He found them mesmerising for reasons unknown to him. 

They were inquisitive creatures, majestic in their own right. And something about them just utterly fascinated Spencer. 

He missed another call from Penelope throughout the day and received another text from Luke which was much the same as the other. 

He would contact someone, eventually. He just wasn’t in the head space to talk to any of his old team after the past few days. 

After completing his chores he checked in on you and found you still asleep. Not wanting to wake you he grabbed a change of clothes before limping back up to the other lodge to clean himself up. 

He could tell you’d used the shower and so had to clean and sanitise the tub before he dared use it. He’d hold off on changing your bedsheets in case you decided to stay for longer but he did feel compelled to make the bed again to his standards. 

Once clean, he ran a bath, not having the energy to shower. While the tub filled he stripped out of his clothes, groaning in pain when he had to shimmy his pants off. 

Not entirely unexpectedly, the outside of the gauze was coated in blood as was the inside of the pant leg of his jeans. 

He sat on the toilet and unravelled the soiled bandage cautiously. He had another first aid kit in this bathroom so at least he’d have a clean alternative once he was bathed. 

He used a wad of wet tissue to clean the wounds before his bath so as not to be soaking in a pool of his own blood. It smarted and he ground his teeth in response. 

Lowering himself into the tub wasn’t an easy thing to do but he managed. And once he was down he relished the feeling of the warm water caressing his limbs. 

He kept his casted arm hanging over the side and lolled his head back against the porcelain, letting his eyes flutter closed and trying to force relaxation upon himself.

It must have worked because when he opened his eyes again it was two hours later and the bath water had long turned cold. 

He checked in on you once more after his bath, ate a small bowl of cereal for dinner and made another mug of honey and lemon tea which he sat drinking on the porch with his phone in his hand as it rang a fourth time. 

He inhaled sharply through his nose, slowly exhaling as he counted to ten. His hand shook a little as he raised the device, pressed the button to answer the call and put it to his ear. 

“Hi,” he croaked out the word and awaited their greeting whilst a throb pounded at his temple. 

There was a small stretch of silence on the other end, or maybe he just perceived there to be. But soon enough a voice he hadn’t heard in months flitted its way to Spencer’s ear.

“Oh man, it’s so good to hear your voice, pretty boy.”

***

You awoke with a start, your heart hammering diligently against your chest and gasping for air. You felt like your lungs had been filled with water, deprived of oxygen. 

Your eyes shot open as you sat upright in the unfamiliar bed. You blinked into the dark room, trying to focus yourself, find your bearings. 

Taking deep breaths to try and return your breathing to normal, shapes started to form. After a minute or so ascertained you were in Spencer’s bed. 

You rubbed your eyes, an almost gentle thrum in your head and the lingering taste of whiskey on your tongue reminded you of your precious activities. 

Images of the 11th Street Bar, of Cole and Boone and Butch came back to you. Spencer on Willow’s back, yelling, swearing, fighting. 

You groaned and let your hands fall back to the bed. You’d said some things to Spencer that would be hard to retract. You’d called him out on his medication, asked him about his mental health issues, trying to pry into an area of his life which was absolutely none of your concern. 

You’d called him a jerk, a self righteous asshole, told him no one wanted to know him. You’d projected your own anger and frustrations onto him, the nice, handsome man who in spite of his injuries had mounted his horse and come to get you when you were drunk and a danger to yourself. 

“You want to be a petulant child, fine. I offered you a place to stay. I can see you’re running from something, whether it be real or imagined I don’t know. But I was trying to help you because god knows I’ve been there. And no one helped me. 

“I know what it’s like to feel as though the world has turned its back on you and I thought, hey maybe we can be of assistance to each other. But if you’re going to be like this then you’re on your own.”

It was becoming clear that you and Spencer had a lot more in common than it would seem at face value. He wanted to help you because he’d seen himself in you. You had no doubts that whatever he was running from was far different to your own demons, but nevertheless there was a kinship between you.

And you’d gotten drunk and belligerent and potentially ruined what could have been a budding friendship. 

You got out of bed in the face of your growing headache. You noticed as you got to your feet you were wearing nothing but your panties and bra. Your clothes were thrown around the room in a very haphazard fashion and you scrambled to collect them and redress. 

Padding your way out of the room, there was a light on but no one to be seen. You went to the kitchen and poured yourself a glass of water which your dry mouth was thankful for. It went some way to extinguishing the taste of whiskey left behind. 

The kettle was on the stove and judging by the steam rising from its spout you could only assume Spencer wasn’t far away. Hugging your arms around your body, preparing yourself for serious grovelling, you headed over to the door. 

Through the glass pane in the wood you could see him sitting in one of the rockers on the porch, cradling a mug in his good hand, a cell phone balanced between his shoulder and ear. You held your breath, stayed extremely still. 

“Thanks for calling Morgan, it was good to talk.” Spencer sighed into the phone, not sounding as though he meant his words at all. “You can tell Penelope that I’m okay and I will try and call her as soon as I can. Yeah sure, thanks. Bye.” 

You watched his shoulders slump as he hung up the phone, sitting back in the rocker and closing his eyes. The moonlight bathed his skin, illuminating the slight sheen of sweat on his pinched brow. 

Swallowing thickly you gripped the doorknob and opened it before stepping out onto the porch. His eyes quickly opened again and he turned his head to the side, regarding you with what could only be described as disdain. 

You hesitantly walked closer, dropping down into the chair next to his. 

“Who’s Penelope?” You couldn’t help but ask. 

Spencer let out a dry chuckle, clearly not at all surprised to find you’d be listening into his conversation. 

“A friend. An old friend.” He brought the mug to his lips and sipped the tea.

“The same friend who’s text got your back up this morning?” You sat forward, leaning your elbows against your knees. 

“No,” he shook his head, looking out into the darkness instead of at you. “Part of the reason I ended up out here was because of an ex of mine. I was in a bad place and I was, uh…not good…not good. I pushed them away, I forced their hand. It wasn’t a shock when they walked away but it still hurt. And I knew if I hung around I would never get over that heartbreak and so I came out here, partially due to wanting to put distance between us.” 

His eyebrows were furrowed in his own confusion. He didn’t know why he’d offered that information so readily to you and in a strange way it felt something akin to nice to get it out. But it also made his stomach coil, hollowing his chest. 

He brought the mug to his lips again, not being able to look to see your reaction because he didn’t want to know what you were thinking. 

“So your ex is who texted you?” You drew the conclusions, watching the side of his face as he nodded gently. 

“Yeah, that was him.” He exhaled shakily.

“Him?” Your eyebrows pinched together. “Huh, I totally missed that about you.” 

Spencer slowly turned to you, your lip curled up in a wry smile. He puckered his own lips, wondering how much of himself he was willing to give to you. 

“I’m not…I mean I am, but I'm not?” He pulled a face. “I don’t really like defining myself. I guess if you had to put a name to what I am, the closest thing would be bisexual or pansexual I suppose. But I don’t really like to categorise it.

“Sexuality is just a spectrum, right? Some days I’m at one end and some I’m at the other I guess. He was my only serious relationship but I’ve had encounters with women too. It’s funny really, as someone who usually likes to have a name for things, to put into words exactly what things are, this is just one area of my life I’ve never felt the need to define.” 

You listened intently, nodding in agreement and offering him encouraging smiles. He took another sip of tea when he was finished speaking and rolled his lip between his teeth. 

“What’s his name?” You asked softly but then followed it up with, “only if you want to tell me of course, I don’t mean to pry.” 

Spencer nodded with a deep inhale, chest puffing out as he did so. 

“Luke. Luke Alvez.” He spoke wistfully.

Your brows pinched together as a strange familiarity accompanied those words. It was the same feeling you’d had when you’d seen the latino man in Spencer’s photograph. 

“Uh, is he one of the ones in the photograph on your desk? Dark hair, goofy smile?” You croaked. 

“Yeah that’s him.” Spencer nodded sadly. 

Interesting. 

You couldn’t place the feeling, couldn’t tell what it was about that face and name that was so familiar to you. But there was certainly something to it. For now you would park the idea, circle back to it another time if needed.

“I’m sorry that you broke up. You wanna, uh, talk about him?” You leaned further forward on your elbows. 

Spencer took another sip of his tea before bending with a small groan and putting the mug on the ground next to his chair.

“Not especially, no.” He spoke as he sat back up but then… “We dated for about two years I guess, all in all. Truth be told I thought he was the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. On our third date he told me he was gonna marry me one day. Being with him was the first time I’d ever felt safe in my entire life. I loved him, I have no doubt about that but I sometimes wonder if my feelings for him were partially formed out of trauma bonding. 

“He was an ex army ranger, most definitely still suffering some residual PTSD. I have suitcases full of my own baggage and I guess we became closer because of it. I was the first person he ever told about his nightmares he had about his days in Iraq. He was the first person I actively and freely talked to about my addic…that doesn’t matter. 

“He was like a bandaid in a way. I thought we were fixing each other's broken pieces back together but in reality we were both too far gone. And then something happened to me and there weren’t enough bandaids in the world to hold me together. And I probably destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me because of it. 

“I have no idea why I’m telling you all of this. I hate talking about myself and my past. But I guess you should know, if you were planning on hanging around or whatever at least you have a little glimpse into who I am. I’m not going to lie to you and say I’ll open up more in time if you do stick around because I probably won’t. But you’re the only person I have ever spoken to about Luke and I hope that’s enough.” 

You could see the slow swell of discomfort blossoming on his features as he spoke and you knew it had nothing to do with his physical pain but a mental one. Your heart was thumping against your rib cage, taking in each word with precision, mulling it over and storing it away. 

It was a nice feeling that he trusted you enough to tell you all of this. His confession was like a warm mug of tea on a snowy day, the sunshine at the end of a rain storm. You wanted to return the favour, to let him know how much you appreciated his candour. But much like him you kept your cards close to your chest and needed to pick your words carefully. 

“I, uh, I’ve been on my own since I was sixteen.” You sharply inhaled. “My dad died when I was a little kid, I barely remember him if I’m honest. And then my mom remarried when I was ten. The guy was a douche, a drunk, and beat my mom six ways to Sunday. As I got older I started standing up for her and in retaliation he turned his anger on me. I protected my mom from his beatings but had to pay the price of taking the brunt of them myself. 

“It was what it was, you know? It was never gonna change. A few weeks after my sixteenth birthday I ran away from home, never looking back. I got the hell out of dodge before I did something dumb like fight back. It was what I needed to do for myself but in doing so I’m sure he turned that aggression back on my mom.

“I still feel the guilt every single day of my life even all these years later. Few years back I found out my mom had passed away. Supposedly she suffered a brain aneurysm after falling down a flight of stairs. What a load of bullshit. He pushed her, I know he did. He killed my mom. If I’d stayed it might never have happened. That son of a bitch murdered my mom and I blame myself.” 

By the time you were finished a couple of tears were spilling down your cheeks. And despite his aversion to touch, despite his germaphobic tendencies, Spencer found himself leaning closer to you, cupping your cheek in his good hand and brushing at the tears with the pad of his thumb. 

Much like Willow did, you nuzzled your face against his hand, closing your eyes as you succumbed to the pain. 

You briefly thought over his own confession, specifically the part when he said, being with him was the first time I’d ever felt safe in my entire life and understanding in that moment exactly what he meant. 

As Spencer held your face and continued to wipe your tears as they fell, this was the first time in your life you'd ever felt safe. 

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” He whispered and your eyes fluttered open. 

“You’re the only person I’ve ever told.” You confessed. “Maybe it’s true what they say.”

“What’s that?” He regarded you curiously. 

“About misery loving company.” You chuckled dryly and Spencer did the same, hand still on your cheek. “If it’s okay, I think I might hang around a while. And I promise to be of help around here, I’m not looking for a hand out.” 

“Sounds good to me. My misery for one is certainly enjoying the company.” His hand was still cupping your cheek, he couldn’t seem to bring himself to tear it away. 

All of his aches, pains and gripes had faded away, both the physical and the mental. The only thing on his mind was how beautiful you looked and how he wanted to do everything within his power to make all of your own pain go away. 

When his eyes flitted over your lips it had been an entirely subconscious action. But once they had, he found himself chewing his own lip and inching his face closer to you. You mirrored the motion, leaning further forward in your chair as your eyes started to close. 

Within seconds you felt his chapped lips ghost over your own, barely touching you as though he was testing the waters. For a moment you thought he might pull back, not dare go any further but you were grateful when his lips then crashed heavily against yours. 

A moan escaped your mouth and Spencer was quick to edge his tongue between your parted lips. You wrapped your arms around his neck, holding him close to you as he deepened the kiss. 

He tasted sour like lemons and a hint of mint. You imagined you tasted like the remnants of whiskey but he didn’t seem to mind. He hungrily explored your mouth with a desperate neediness and you allowed him to. You’d allow him to do whatever he wanted. 

His hand that was on your cheek snaked around to the back of your neck and pinned you against him. His lips were rough and dry but you didn’t mind at all. His fingers threaded into your hair at the base of your neck and you moved even further forward until you were practically between his thighs.  

A muffled moan left his lips and was swallowed down in your own mouth as tongues and teeth messily moved together as the kiss grew more heated by the second. 

You sat back a little suddenly but kept your lips connected. You moved your hands to his shoulders and helped the both of you to your feet. Once standing he pushed you back up against the door to his lodge. His body flush against yours you could feel a hardness in his slacks pressing into your thigh. 

He caged you against the door with his hips, rutting into you slightly for the friction. He was hard, harder than he had been in a long time, not quite fully erect but he was certainly getting there. 

He washed his mind of any thoughts that didn’t directly pertain to you and how your lips felt as you kissed him. He didn’t want his intrusive thoughts to ruin this, he wanted the freedom to claim back something he’d lost in -

- Prison.

At the same time that thought washed over him, one of your hands manoeuvred between your bodies, over his chest, down his stomach and then finally pressed against the outside of his slacks. 

“It’s not…stop it, please? Please? It’s n-normal.” 

“He’s enjoying it! Hah!”

“It’s a-adrenaline. It happens when we-we’re excited or scared. S-sexual arousal and fear a-arousal have many of the same bodily f…please stop!” 

You felt him going limp in your hand almost instantly. And then he tore himself away from you, taking a shaking step backwards on the porch and slapping his hand to his forehead. 

You were still up against the door, panting from the lack of oxygen as you watched him start to pace, limping as he went.

“Uh, is everything okay? You weren’t, uh, enjoying that?” You asked, rolling your swollen lip between your teeth. 

“What’s wrong, Spence? What’s happening? Why aren’t you, uh…aren’t you enjoying this?” 

“I, uh, I just…I’m not ready.” 

“It’s okay, we don’t have to do anything. I’m sorry if I rushed you.”

“Spence? Did something…did they do something to you in prison?” 

“Fuck,” Spencer whined, shaking his head violently. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” 

You pushed yourself away from the door and came to his side, grabbing his shoulder to try and stop his pacing. His eyes shot up at you and he stilled, a look of terror in his eyes from your uninvited touch. 

“Don’t touch me! And don’t talk to me about that place.” 

“Spencer? You know you can tell me anything. This is a safe space, baby.” 

“Don’t touch me,” he whined, stepping out of your hold. “Please, don’t touch me.” 

“Did I miss something? What is happening?” You let your arm fall to your side. 

“I’m so much more fucked up than you will ever know.” He winced at his own words. “This is…I can’t…Friends. We can only ever be friends, okay?” 

It wasn’t strictly a question, you knew that. And even if it were it only had one feasible answer. You chewed on the inside of your cheek, wondering what on earth had happened to this man for him to react in such a way. 

You had your suspicions, it didn’t exactly take a genius to figure out why one might be so touch averse unless he was the one controlling the situation, why someone might panic when they were touched in such an intimate way. 

You would never ask though, and he would probably never tell. So instead you started to nod, taking a step back so as to give him the space he needed. 

“Friends, Spencer. Friends is just fine.” You agreed. 

He looked at you as though he didn’t believe your words but after a few moments he nodded too. 

“I should…sleep. I’m exhausted. Tomorrow? I’ll…tomorrow.” He struggled to get out a full sentence but you understood anyway. 

You stepped aside so he could get to the door and watched him open it and close it again behind you. You heard the click of the lock and within seconds the light was shutting off, leaving you standing on his porch, bathed in darkness. 

***

In spite of his mental and physical exhaustion, Spencer couldn’t sleep. How the hell could he sleep after that? 

He didn’t even try because he knew it would be fruitless. Instead he did what he normally did when he couldn’t sleep: he cleaned. 

He started by stripping the bedsheets and tossing them in the corner of the room to be washed tomorrow. He replaced them with clean ones and made the bed so neatly you’d be able to bounce a quarter off of it. 

He got a bucket of bleach water, a scrubbing brush and some rubber gloves. On his knees he meticulously scrubbed every inch of his wooden floors with his one useable hand.

The pain in his leg was excruciating from his knee to his thigh. It hurt so much he barely registered the ache in his back or the throb of his broken arm. 

But pain had been his goal. It was his own form of punishment to himself for his earlier actions. You’d been vulnerable and he’d taken advantage of the situation, almost letting himself fall over a ledge he swore he’d never go over again. 

Intimacy was not on his agenda, not now and not ever again. He didn’t need sex, he didn’t need the closeness of another body, not anymore. Not after what he’d endured in prison. 

By definition, he had been raped. By the FBI definition of the word, that is what he’d experienced. 

Oral penetration by a sex organ of another person without the consent of the victim. 

Two inmates had pinned him by each shoulder to a wall whilst he was forced onto his knees. A third had forced Spencer to perform the act of fellatio on him. 

And in his abject terror, Spencer had gotten an erection which was noticeable to them all after the third man pulled away from his mouth and ejaculated over Spencer’s prison scrubs. 

They’d laughed and jeered at the obvious tenting in his slacks which he tried to hide behind his hands whilst stuttering out his logical explanation. 

“Are you…oh my god he’s fucking hard! He’s enjoying this!” 

“It’s not…stop it, please? Please? It’s n-normal.” 

“He’s enjoying it! Hah!”

“It’s a-adrenaline. It happens when we-we’re excited or scared. S-sexual arousal and fear a-arousal have many of the same bodily f…please stop!” 

Two nights later they’d returned and one of the men holding him down the first night had forced himself on Spencer, using Spencer’s mouth as a means by which to get off. Again he also hadn’t finished down his throat but, like the other man, all over Spencer’s shirt. 

A week later, it was the third man’s turn to force himself upon their weaker inmate. 

The first time he’d considered biting the man’s phallus. But of course he knew that would cause greater retribution and he would no doubt be killed. 

But by the third time a part of him wished they would kill him instead.

In his years at the BAU he’d had to deal with hundreds if not thousands of these types of offenders. The act of one man assaulting another man in such a manner was a way to assert their power by putting other weaker, beta males in their place. 

He knew the profile, he knew the statistics. He could recite them verbatim. Fourteen percent of reported rapes were committed against men. In the US, one in seventy one men are victims of sexual abuse. Thirty percent of gay or bisexual men had reported experiencing a form of rape in their lifetime. 

For the first time in his life, statistics didn’t help him. The autonomy of being just a number didn’t stop the nightmares, the eventual PTSD. His life had forever been changed by those three men who had made the conscious decision to inflict sexual violence upon another human being. 

He could still smell them, the musky scent of sweat that filled his nostrils, making it hard to breathe. He could still taste them on his tongue, feel the frantic thrusts as they hit the back of his throat. 

The tears that had seared down his cheeks as he was forced to comply, the ache in his chest of knowing he would never bounce back from this. 

They used him for their own sexual gratification and display of dominance. They’d ruined his life for some sick and perverse power play. 

Because of this ordeal, Spencer was no longer able to achieve or maintain erections without the guilt and confusion sucker punching him in the chest. When Luke had tried to initiate intimacy after his release, Spencer had panicked, dissociated and grown violent. 

And it didn’t get any better over time. 

Luke tried to help him despite the fact Spencer wouldn’t tell him what he’d dealt with in prison. But Luke knew, without having to hear it from Spencer’s lips. 

It was obvious in the way he wouldn’t let Luke touch him unprovoked, and if Luke did touch him, specifically his genitals, Spencer froze and whatever tumescence he’d been able to achieve instantly vanished. 

Eventually Luke couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted to help Spencer but Spencer didn’t want his help. And after the younger man had grown violent, Luke didn’t think there was anything he could do for him anymore. 

Spencer had almost grown content in the knowledge he’d probably never be able to have sex again. It didn’t really bother him that much, not until now anyway. 

Your kiss had reminded him what it was like to feel close to someone, to have an intrinsic connection with another person. It had made him feel wanted and not used. It made him feel worthy of human affection for the first time in a long time. 

Your touch had not been unwanted, not at first anyway. The simple gesture of your hand outside his pants had sent a wave of pleasure coursing through his body, like a jolt of electricity. 

But then he saw their faces. Those three men who had caused irreparable damage to the very fibre of his being. Those men who had used his mouth, the same one he was kissing you with. 

His walls had gone flying back up so fast he’d gotten whiplash. But he knew now, beyond all shadow of a doubt, that he was never going to get over what happened to him at Milburn. And the pain of that realisation was more crippling than any physical ailment. 

Over the years little pieces had been torn from his psyche. His fathers abandonment. Gideon’s abandonment and later his death. Tobias Hankel and his subsequent drug addiction. 

Maeve. Cat Adams. Prison. Rape. 

Piece by piece it fell away. Little by little until there was barely anything left holding him together. The string had frayed and weathered over the years and now it has snapped entirely. 

He continued scrubbing the floor through the pain. At some point tears started hindering his vision, rolling down his face and mixing with the bleach water. 

The longer he kept it up the more pain he was in and his stomach started to coil with the extent of it. Out of nowhere a wave of nausea hit him and he was suddenly vomiting all over his newly cleaned floor. 

He continued this vicious cycle for hours: scrub, cry, vomit, repeat. 

Eventually it must have gotten too much for him because the next thing he remembered was waking up on his bedroom floor to the distinctive smell of bleach assaulting his nose. 

@andiebeaword @muffin-cup @measure-in-pain @takeyourleap-of-faith @ssa-uglywhore27 @dreatine @thebloomingeagle @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm @justreadingficsdontmindme @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @spencer-reid-wonderland @kalulakunundrum @small-and-violent @voledart @katrina0-0 @bakugouswh0r3

[morbidology]

Jonathan Hoffman, a 17-year-old senior at Farmington Central High School, resided with his grandparents, Sandra Layne and Fred Layne, in West Bloomfield Township, Michigan. This arrangement came about as his parents, Michael and Jennifer Hoffman, navigated a divorce in Arizona, where they had relocated approximately a year prior.

Opting to remain in Michigan for his final year of high school, Jonathan had recently received acceptance to Eastern Michigan University. Upon the completion of the divorce proceedings, Jennifer intended to return to Michigan to reunite with her son.

Jonathan had had several minor run ins with law enforcement. On the 17th of March, 2011, 17-year-old Jonathan was pulled over in Farmington Hills and ticketed for possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia in the form of a grinder. He received a 93 day suspended sentence and was placed on 12 months’ probation.

Then on the 21st of March, West Bloomfield Township police responded to complaints outside the home. When they arrived, they found Sandra and Jonathan outside the home arguing. Jonathon told police that he was angry over a text message that his father had sent him. When Jonathan calmed down, police left and no arrests were made and no citations were issued.

At around 5:30PM the 18th of May, 2011, a 911 call was placed to West Bloomfield Township police.

The phone call was placed by Jonathan. He said that his grandmother had shot him in the chest and he was going to die. Around three minutes into the phone call, Jonathan is heard pleading “no grandma” before exclaiming to the dispatcher that he had been shot again. At one point in the phone call, a woman can he heard shouting: “Let go, let go. You’ve got to let go!” Towards the end of the phone call, the same woman can be heard calmly saying: “I will get you a drink of water.”

As officers pulled up to the upscale condo, they heard several more shots. They found Sandra standing behind a screened door. She was holding a .40-caliber handgun but placed it on the floor when ordered to do so by police. She came out of the door, raised her hands and screamed: “I murdered my grandson!”

Upstairs, the officers discovered the lifeless body of 17-year-old Jonathon Hoffman. He had been shot 5 times with 9mm glock. He was shot in the upper right armpit area, in the upper right chest, in the left arm near the shoulder, in the left lower chest and on the left side of the abdomen. Four of the shots had been close range. He was rushed to Botsford Hospital where he was declared dead.

According to Sandra’s attorneys, there were problems in the home and Sandra was afraid of her grandson. One of the attorneys, Mitchell Ribitwer, told reporters outside that drugs and drug paraphernalia was discovered inside the home that belonged to Jonathon.

He also said that in March, police had responded to a domestic disturbance call at the home. According to defence Ribitwer: “I spoke to the officer who responded, and he indicated this young man was totally out of control in the street. He was derogatory to his grandmother. He was yelling and shouting and almost got into it with police.”

Sandra said to detectives that Jonathan had been taking the synthetic drug, K2, and that it changed his character. She said he had become increasingly violent after taking the drug and purchased a gun because she feared that he would kill her. After Jonathan had been ticketed for marijuana possession and drug paraphernalia, the court had ordered him to undergo alcohol and drug treatment which was monitored by random testing.

According to Sandra’s lawyers, Jonathan had violated his probation on the day of his murder when he tested positive for the K2 drug. They claimed that this led to an argument during which Sandra had feared for her own life. However, Jonathan's autopsy showed that the drug was not present in his urine.

During the trial, prosecutors said Sandra had followed her grandson to the bedroom loft after shooting him once. But before this, she had gone into the basement, walking through Jonathan's blood, to retrieve more ammunition, showing intent.

Ultimately, Sandra Layne was convicted of second-degree murder and sentenced to 20 to 40 years in prison, as well as an additional two years for using a firearm in the commission of a felony.

[amhnationwide]

Dilute urine drug screen for SAP

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Dilute urine drug screen for SAP

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