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eulangelo · 3 years

Text

callout for @genderfluidlucifer

google docs

tw for transmisogyny + TERFs + emotional manipulation

Transmisogyny

Lucifer is a huge transmisogynist who will complain 24/7 about how TERFs hurt the ace community, but the moment @randomclustermissile , a trans girl (who is not an exclusionist at all) tries to point out transmisogyny in inclusionist circles (in the most vague and general way possible, without pointing fingers nor calling anyone names) Lucifer will immediatly jump to block her and so they did with me (another inclusionist) and i have to suppose to everyone else who agreed with that post, even arriving to vagueing about us in private group chats to suggest that we were “sympathizing with exclusionists”. all because we dared point out transmisogyny in inclusionist circles. lucifer is TME but apparently they think they’re the authority on TERFs and their talking points but actual trans women are not, according to them, since this is the stuff that they would go and spew to other people. (screenshots from @enbyoctoling)

here’s more examples of Lucifer (again, a transmasc person) going deep in detail about how according to them, TERFs/SWERFs hate aro/ace people and are an active threat to us

1. link

[Image ID: Three screenshots of a post by Genderfluidlucifer. The first screenshot is of a paragraph that reads, "Hey. So I can actually answer this. Anon your commentary about how you thought terfs would approve of sex repulsed aces is sort of it. Except...not. Basically terfs hate ace people for not wanting sex in the approved by terfs way. Terfs are actually extremely interested in [forcing] amatonormativity onto everyone. Because for as sex negative as terfs are...they don't want to actually acknowledge or change the fact that amatonormativity is at the root cause of rape culture and misogyny."

The second screenshot is a zoomed in section of the post that reads, "So yeah no I have NO idea where exclus allies are getting this idea from that terfs would even remotely care about the sexual rights of ace people. Terfs generally hate any sexualities in the LGBTQ+ acronym that aren't LGB because they can't force a gender binary onto those sexualities. At least, not as easily. That's why it's actually a massive sign of someone who doesn't call themselves a terf being a crypto terf if they use the term LGB in a positive manner. Along with the term SGA, as it is deliberately exclusive of nonbinary and not inherently SGA centric queer-aligned sexualities. /END ID]

link to the full post, these are just excerpts but the whole thing is just a very long rant about how TERFs hate ace people and so on (i think it’s worth noticing that although the actual post is kinda long, trans women are never once brought op in a conversation about TERFs issues and the only time transmisogyny is mentioned is not relevant to the conversation)

2. link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblog by genderfluidlucifer. The original poster is nothorses. It reads, "Because apparently I have to say it: Testosterone is not a 'violent' hormone. It doesn't make you 'more aggressive' or a worse person, it doesn't make you 'dangerous,' or 'toxic.' Transmascs do not need to be 'warned of the dangers of T.' We do not need to spend our transitions terrified that we're going to become a danger to those around us - that HRT is going to turn us into a monster.

Everyone experiences mood swings during hormonal shifts (pregnancy, menstruation, menopause, estrogen HRT, etc.) and while you might have grumpy moments or feel anger/frustration that you need to learn to handle differently, that doesn't make you a bad person.

Testosterone can change the way you access/process emotions somewhat, but if you're already thoughtful about how you handle your feelings and treat others, you're going to be fine. It's normal to lash out on occasion, by accident, then apologize and work to do better. It doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone on HRT is prone to this, and everyone experiencing hormonal changes is prone to this.

Getting HRT should be positive and affirming; you should not have to spend your entire transition terrified of becoming a monster."

The post then has a reblog by captainlordauditor that reads, "The big danger of T is that needle ouchy." /END ID]

here’s them reblogging from known transmisogynist user @nothorses (once again, the irony that a post about how testosterone is seen as the "aggressive hormone" does not mention transfem at all which are literally the main victims of this rethoric in the first place)

3. link (1), link (2)

[Image ID: Two screenshots of posts by genderfluidlucifer. The first screenshot reads, "Queer exclus: We're not repackaging terf rhetoric! Saying that is transmisogynistic! Also queer exclus: Remove the plus from LGBT!" and has tags that say, "I will pay these people to grow some god damn self awareness. Imagine being this dense. Queer discourse." The post has 15 notes.

The second screenshot reads, "Honestly it is so stupid and frustrating to see ace exclus continue to deny that the ace discourse was started by terfs. Proof was given countless times. And a big name terf like galesofnovember even admitted to starting it. Those of you who demand proof but ignore all of this never wanted proof to begin with." and is tagged with, "ace discourse. The post has 38 notes. /END ID]

heres another two post of theirs conflating TERFs with ace exclusionism

4. link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblogged post by furbearingbrick. The original poster is boxlizard, Lucifer's old account. The original post reads, "By the way for people still in denial about it, here's galesofnovember, a terf, admitting that she intended to start the ace exclus movement. She's taking credit for it. Normally if the victims of this behavior weren't ace/aro or other queer identities y'all be ready to rightfully lynch her. But since it's us, y'all just still wanna stamp your feet and go, 'Nuh uh!' instead of acknowledging facts." The part that says, "admitting that she intended to start the ace exclus movement" is a link to a galesofnovember post.

There is then a reblogged addition from furbearing brick that reads, "archived versions of the receipts" and has two links to the webarchive. The tags read, "Bringing this back since it's apparently still relevant. Terfism mention. Aphobia mention. Queerphobia mention. Blocklist." and has 1,455 notes. /END ID]

this is their post that ive already talked about but basically they found a 52 notes post made by a TERF in 2012 and this one person said "i dont know why i dont get to be the princess of the anti-ace-brigade" and apparently they are convinced that this means TERFs started the ace exclusionism movement and that this is one of their goals. which is insane when TERFs in real life only care about making life miserable for transfem people first and foremost.

5.link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblog by genderfluidlucifer. The original poster is yu-gay-fudo. It reads, “Just in case you happen to be unaware, some of the “radfem lite” they post to warm you up to their rhetoric, just off the top of my head:

- Ace/aro exclusionism

- Bi exclusionism or claims that bi people are “less queer” bc of “straight passive privilege”

- Saying you have to be dysphoric to identify as transInvalidating nonbinary people

- Calling queer a slur regardless of context, saying people can’t identify as queer, and saying that it can’t be reclaimed

- “Mogai hell”, “kweer”, or otherwise mocking less common labels and claiming they are “just cishets who want to feel special”

- Excluding sex workers from feminist discussions or claiming that sex work is inherently evil

- Basically anyone who thinks they can determine what other people identify as”. The tags read, "queerphobia tw. twerfs tw. no id." and has 70,727 notes. It was reblogged on March 22nd, 2021 /END ID]

another example of conflating radfems to things that, while wrong, have little to nothing to do with them because being a radfem, again, is something very specific that has all to do with transfem oppression.

Emotional manipulation

Lucifer has done nothing but block, break boundaries, spread lies and vague about people, some of which were even mutuals with them knowing they would see the posts. when confronted about it Lucifer's only answer was "just say you hate me and block me" but they actually ended up blocking everyone first, making it impossible for anyone to set some boundaries with them or even just to calmly confront them about anything.

[proof: Io(popncourse) and Lucifer had a disagreement in a shared discord server, which prompted Lucifer to vague Io in a vent post. Io confronted them, as being vagued is one of buns triggers, to which Lucifer initially agreed to delete the vent post, but then proceeded to victimize themself and immediatly blocked Io. later on, Jude(malewifedeckard) was confronted by Lucifer, then after Jude told them “I’m worried that you’ll vague me just like you did with Io” they proceeded to block Jude and vagued about him too. when Io made a post (which was not a callout, it was just bun setting buns boundaries) explaining what Lucifer did, Lucifer immediatly jumped to victimize themself, acting like they were being called out and straight-up lying, even going so far as to say that no one tried to hear them out, which is a blatant lie if you consider the aforementioned Io and Jude’s attempts at doing so, with Lucifer immediatly blocking and cutting ties with the both of them. ]

(screenshots taken by @popncourse and @malewifedeckard)

as seen in the proof above Lucifer’s behaviour is not ok because they don’t accept any kind of confrontation and immediatly jump to blocking, and after blocking, they'd immediatly go and vague about the people who confronted them pacificly, spreading more lies and painting themself as the victim and even arriving to say “no one hears me out at all” which is simply not something you can say when you block people who are trying to hear you out in the first place.

this is by no means an invitation to go and harass them, send them hate or anything like that. i absolutely don’t want anything even remotely hateful or negative to be sent their way after this post.

this post was only made because:

1. as an ace person who fully supports the inclusion of aspec identities in the lgbt+ community i don’t want to support an enviroment that costantly downplays transmisogynistic oppression in order to be taken seriously. there are hundreds of ways to make aspec activism without acting like we(as in TME aspecs)are the victims of a system that seeks for the annihilation of transfemenine people in real life everyday. i especially don’t want to support TME individuals who act transfem-friendly but then block any transfem who tries to speak on transmisogyny without a second thought.

2. Lucifer’s behaviour has hurt two friends of mine and i don’t want to associate with someone who actively breaks people’s boundaries without taking accountability when messing up.

3. i cannot associate with someone who spreads lies about me accusing me of sympathizing with exclusionists all while having me blocked so that i can’t see it nor defend me. they complain about people not hearing them out but they’re the very first person who does not try to hear people out, and instead jumps to spread baseless rumors. this is not someone i can nor want to associate with.

(image descriptions provided by @malewifedeckard)

#genderfluidlucifer #transmisogyny tw #terfs tw #ask to tag #txt #long post #ok to rb

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we-love-imagines · 4 years

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I love your blog!! Can I get some Giorno bf hcs?

Aw, Thanks! While this post doesn’t contain any major spoilers for part 5, these hcs are set after it ends when Giorno is a little older. I tagged for spoilers just in case! Enjoy!

Giorno Boyfriend Hcs

~Giorno is definitely the type of guy to know what you’re feeling before you do. He is so comically good at reading your emotions, it’s baffling. There’s also no hiding things from him; if you have a secret or surprise in the works, he’s gonna sniff it out in no time.

~If you work within Passione, Giorno will use his power as the Don to straight-up fire you. Don’t worry, there’s no malice behind it- he’s doing it to protect you. He knows being the significant other of the Don puts a massive target on your back, so he tries to remove you from any situations that could put you in danger. He’ll even send security detail with you if you go out into town without him. He’s so fiercely overprotective of you that it can be suffocating at times. If you get huffy about no longer being able to go on missions, he’ll let you help him out with paperwork. If you insist on staying in the line of action, he’ll let you be a personal bodyguard of his. Though, secretly, he does it keep his eye on you.

~Such a big cuddler! After a long day or at the start of a lazy morning, Giorno loves to curl up and hold you close. He’s also very touch-starved, so if you hug him back in any capacity, he’ll eat it up. He tends to take on the big-spoon roll, but on especially hard days, he just wants to put his head in your lap and sleep.

~The first time you big-spooned him, he probably cried.

~Giorno finds it hard to accept that he was wrong. He’s a natural leader, and usually makes the right call when it comes to tough choices, but it’s difficult for him to admit that he made a mistake. He’s just so used to hearing “Yes, Boss,” and “Right away, Don Giovanna,” after proposing an idea. When fights occur, he tends to dig in his heels and deny any wrongdoing on his part until he truly sees how much he’s messed up. The one thing he will never budge on is your safety- as strict as it may be, it’s all for your sake.

~Giorno is not a talkative person- unless he is with you. He sees his partner as a confidant of sorts, someone he can be himself around and share his thoughts with. While he’ll certainly try and hide the more traumatic and shady parts of his life, he’ll definitely come vent to you after a busy day. He’d also be more inclined to speak on his interests around you, and he’ll rant and rave about various plants and animals he finds fascinating.

~Look. Giorno has had crushes before, but becoming Don of the Mafia at age 15 keeps you busy. He’s never had the proper time for a relationship before. While he’s certainly charming, with his well-kept appearance and calm voice that would put anyone at ease, he isn’t very smooth. While Bruno can make you melt with just his words alone, Giorno definitely needs some practice. It’s not that he’s bad, he’s just new to the game and tends to go overboard a bit!

~Giorno loves the domestic lifestyle. When you two decide to move in together, he’ll be over the moon. His childhood was rough, and he never truly felt like he had a happy home to go back to, but having someone to do cute little household activities with changes that. You show him what he missed during his lonely childhood- sticky notes on his desk reminding him to not work too hard, longing kisses before long trips away, and the warm feeling of snuggling together in PJs. While it’s hard to live the more traditional, homey domestic lifestyle when you have waitstaff and chefs at your beck and call, it’s truly comforting knowing that you two have made a home together.

~The type of guy who would be thinking about marriage a month into a relationship. It may be that he’s a tad naïve and new to romance, but he falls hard! He’s not stupid enough to propose that soon, but know that he’s more inclined to rush things with you. At least you know he’s in it for the long haul!

~When it comes to kids, Giorno would be frightened- he doesn’t want to repeat the mistakes of the people who brought him into this world. However, after seeing how well you two adjust to domesticity, his strong convictions will kick in soon enough. He wants to prove to the world that he’s more than his lineage; if he brings someone into the world, he’d give them the best life he possibly could despite his own family’s failures.

~Spoils you rotten. Why wouldn’t he? He’s probably the wealthiest man in all of Italy! While he definitely takes you on expensive dates and trips, he loves giving you pricey clothes and jewelry. He knows he’s got style, and he likes the ‘power couple’ aura you both give off when you both enter a room looking like royalty.

~Golden Experience (and by extension, GER) are gonna be all over you. The Stand itself suits itself well towards romantic situations- making flowers and butterflies appear out of thin air helps Giorno create an instant amorous atmosphere. When he was first starting to woo you, he made so many roses with GE that you weren’t able to carry them all! His Stand doesn’t appear often, but it’s very sweet with you if you can see it. It likes to make things easier for you, like transforming something heavy you’re carrying into cute little dragonflies.

~If you can’t see GE, I don’t think Giorno is ever going to tell you about his Stand. He might just tell you he’s a magician; Giorno loves seeing the awe on your face whenever he does a little ‘magic trick’ and makes a bouquet appear from seemingly thin air. Eventually, he may come around and tell you- but for now, your boyfriend is a magic man.

~Giorno may be a little inexperienced, but his overabundance of care and affection for you makes up for that in full!

More JJBA Boyfriend HCs!

Jotaro

Rohan

Bruno

#jjba x reader #jjba headcanons #giorno x reader #Giorno Giovanna #giorno #jjba #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure #Jojo no Kimyou na Bouken #Vento Aureo #vento aureo spoilers #Golden Wind #Golden Wind spilers #jjba part 5 #inbox is open!#Don Giorno

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spicycreativity · 3 years

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Yooo I’ve been reading your fic Intertwined and it is super good and giving me major moceit brain rot! Since you’re thinking about taking prompts, mayhaps moceit with something enemies-to-lovers and/or secret relationship?

Ah yay my first ever request! I wrote this as a series of vignettes because I knew if I gave myself half a chance I would go waaay overboard with it. Thank you so much 🥺🥺🥺❤❤❤

Length: 3.5k

Content Warnings: N/A; ask to tag

Oh also I did try to make it obvious, but just in case it isn't, I is post Can Lying Be Good, II is post SvS, III is post DWIT, IV is immediately post PoF, and V is later after PoF

Some nights, Patton's head felt like a pressure cooker with no vent valve. The weight of his covers seemed to crush his chest, forcing him to hyperventilate as he desperately tried to pull in a full breath. Emotions swirled in his head like hot steam, a sickening mix of betrayal and shame, anger and guilt and fear. The knowledge of what Deceit had done, had tried to get Thomas to do, sat heavy in his stomach and brought the temperature up, up, up, until Patton was forced to move. He had to do something, dispel some of the steam before it boiled over into-- Well, something. Sometimes he felt on the verge of something scary and wholly out of his control, some kind of terrible explosion that would liquefy the support joints in Thomas' psyche and send all of them crashing down.

But not tonight. Tonight, Patton would scream into his pillows or pace the halls or talk to the mirror, anything to slow the roaring boil in his mind. He threw himself out of bed, bare feet touching down on the carpet, and was out the door before he could even think of grabbing something to cover up with. Not that the others had never seen him in boxers and a T-shirt, but Roman preferred to sleep in the cold and dropped the temperature accordingly.

Patton had smiled when Virgil had pulled him aside to explain what had happened. That Deceit had impersonated him and, like the Pied Piper, paraded the others behind him with a beautiful song. Thinking about it made the world tilt a little, but Patton had smiled and would have ruffled Virgil's hair if he'd thought Virgil would let him. Because it had turned out okay, hadn't it? And Patton was stupid for still feeling the way he felt. It was stupid to feel hurt that the others hadn't noticed right away. Deceit was a good actor and they had eventually noticed anyway. It was stupid to be scared. Thomas had rejected Deceit's temptation.

And then all Patton's thoughts vanished like a bursting soap bubble, because Deceit was in the hall. His look of wide-eyed astonishment was already morphing into a much more familiar expression of contempt.

"Oh," said Patton, once he'd recovered his own wits.

"Fancy seeing you here," said Deceit, who, Patton noticed with a jolt, was also in his pajamas. It was hard to be scared of someone wearing sweatpants decorated with little cartoon snakes, but it didn't entirely ease Patton's trepidation. It certainly didn't slow his pounding heart.

"What are you doing up?" Patton asked.

Deceit rolled his eyes like Patton's question was unprecedentedly stupid. "I was on my way to kill you in your sleep so I could take your place permanently." He shifted awkwardly as he talked, and Patton realized he was trying to gesticulate with his hands jammed deep in his pockets.

Patton didn't know what to say to that, so he did what he did best and smiled. He needed a way out. Forget feeling like a pressure cooker, he wanted to run back to bed and hide under the covers. He wanted Deceit to go away.

"Anyway," said Deceit, glaring, "I could ask you the same question."

Evil. He was evil. And here was Patton making small talk with him. Abiding him. "Are you sorry?"

Deceit's snake eye caught the light and almost seemed to glow under it. "Am I sorry?"

"For doing wrong." Patton scrambled to find confidence, find righteousness, conviction, faith. Anything he could use to keep Deceit at bay. "For encouraging Thomas to do wrong."

Deceit smiled, but not the way Patton had. This was cruel and mocking. He shook his head slightly as though in disbelief and almost seemed to laugh, his hands drawing the fabric of his sweats tight as he clenched them into fists. "Oh, yes, Patton, I'm so very sorry for trying to help. Yes, I repent! Shall I get down on my knees for you so you can forgive me for looking after Thomas? Hm?"

"I…" Patton took in a shaky breath. "I don't think we have anything more to say to each other. And I don't think I want to see you again."

"Don't worry," said Deceit as Patton turned his back on him, "you definitely won't."

II.

"I'm not angry," Janus said for what felt like the billionth time. He adjusted his arms where he had them crossed over his chest, huffing out a breath through his nose.

"You," said Remus, pointing at him, "have been throwing a tantrum ever since you got back. 'They're too stupid to manipulate, Remus! They didn't even listen, Remus! You're so sexy and well-hung, Remus!'"

"The are too stupid to manipulate! Is that my fault?"

"I'm just saying, you're kind of harshing my mellow."

"You've never been mellow in your life and you know it."

Remus only grinned and shook out the contents of another matchbox to add to his pile. He was planning on building a life-sized Roman out of matches and burning it in effigy. Janus remembered with a twist of guilt that Remus had seemed remarkably at ease in the two seconds before Janus had popped up and started ranting.

"Alright, since you're such a zen master," Janus huffed, "what do you suggest I do? Burn Patton in effigy?"

"I mean…" Remus held out a matchbox. "We can take turns with the Krazy Glue."

"Oh, forget it." Janus took the matchbox more by instinct than anything. "I'm going for a walk."

"You could burn down Virgil's door," Remus suggested.

Janus just shook his head and continued to stalk away. A few hours had passed since the courtroom disaster. It was now early evening and the matchstick of rage still burned quietly in Janus' chest. They were all so stupid! So naive. And it was all Patton's fault.

Janus turned the matchbox over in his hand, careful not to drop it. Scorched earth had never been his preferred modus operandi, but if Patton kept pushing back at him like this, Janus was going to shove, consequences be damned.

Oh, and speak of the angel. Janus didn't much feel like playing it coy, but he forced himself to. He leaned because against the wall, the matches still in his palm, and looked Patton slowly up and down. "We've got to stop meeting like this."

"Deceit!" Patton stopped dead, the smile sliding from his face. "What are you doing here?"

Janus brandished the matches, barely controlling the furious hiss building in the back of his throat. He'd already slipped once today, lost control of his temper. He couldn't allow that to happen again. "I've come to burn it all down."

Patton's eyes went wide, his gaze hot on the matches. "You should know better than to play with fire."

The knowledge of Patton's fear burned hot and triumphant in Janus' veins, filling him with the idea that he could still win something. He got closer to Patton with measured steps, slipping behind him when Patton tried to back away. "No, Patton," he purred, silky and cool in Patton's ear. "You're the one who's playing with fire."

"What…" Patton's voice shook and he cleared his throat, turning his head to try to look Janus in the eye. Janus was momentarily distracted by the freckles' on Patton's neck, the soft pulsing of his jugular vein. "What do you mean?"

Annoyed at himself, Janus backed up. The paper matchbox felt feeble in his grasp now, as feeble as his pathetic little display of power. He could bully Patton all he wanted and it wouldn't change a thing. "The Duke and I, we're the one thing you can't control," he boasted. Might as well see this through, since he started it.

"I have to try," Patton said. "My friends trust me, Thomas trusts me to keep him safe from the likes of you. I won't let you make Thomas into a liar. I won't let you lead Roman astray. But Deceit?"

"What?" Janus growled. His frustration was directed inward now, that he had thought any of this might make him feel better. Right. He should just go read Hobbes in the bath with his fire extinguisher handy.

"If you ever decide you want to… Well, be good. There's room for you at my table."

Janus crushed the matchbox in his clenched fist. If Patton applied his arbitrary standards fairly, he would see that Janus was good. But no, he was quite content to wear the blindfold of his own hypocrisy and leave Janus out to rot. "You're impossible," Janus said through clenched teeth. Before he could change his mind, he palmed the ruined matchbox into Patton's hand and turned to go.

"What's this for?" Patton asked.

Janus paused and gave his well-practiced supervillain smirk. "A promise."

Time to unleash the beast.

III.

Now more than ever, Patton was certain he was in over his head. He sat on the kitchen floor, hot chocolate untouched beside him, and stared at the crumpled matchbox in his palm. 'A promise,' Deceit had said. Patton hadn't been sure what to make of that, but he had an idea now.

Deceit was right. Patton couldn't control Remus. But that just meant he had to try harder. So now what was he supposed to do? Thomas was looking at him for guidance, but… He was supposed to ease up on judging Thomas for having evil thoughts, while simultaneously not letting Thomas be evil. Was he being too harsh or too lenient? And why did it feel like both?

"Well, well, well." Deceit's voice grated on Patton's ears. He made no effort to bolster himself, no effort to look anything other than despondent. Deceit must have been feeling truly bold to venture so far into enemy territory.

"Did you get what you wanted?" Patton asked, still staring at the matchbox. He didn't want to see that smirking face.

"Obviously not," said Deceit. "Chaos for chaos' sake was never the endgame."

"Then why are you here?" Patton asked, finally looking up. The angle and the brim of Deceit's hat kept his eyes in shadow, so all Patton could see was the mouth housing that forked serpent tongue.

"I'm here to offer you one last chance, Patton. Get out of my way."

"You can't put this on me," Patton said, looking again at the matchbox. "You said you were going to burn it down. If you're willing to hurt Thomas to get your way, then you shouldn't get your way."

Deceit twitched slightly and Patton could tell he was rolling his eyes even if he couldn't see it. "Have you heard of prescribed burns?" He didn't wait for Patton to answer. "It's when humans deliberately set fires to destroy some of the forest underbrush. Now, it seems counterintuitive, but regularly burning parts of the forest actually prevents wildfires from raging out of control. Does it hurt the underbrush? Yes. But sometimes things that seem harmless or even good are actually quite deadly if left unchecked. So a little bit of destruction actually serves the greater good. Do you understand?"

Patton furrowed his brow, trying to navigate this. "So you are willing to hurt Thomas to get your way."

"Why," said Janus, flexing his hands, "do I even bother?"

"Why do you bother?" Patton asked. He had never thought to wonder before. Evil was just evil and there was understanding it. But something in him had broken a little today; he could feel the edges of it poking at his chest.

Deceit sighed and shifted his weight. For a moment, Patton thought he might sit or kneel so they could talk at eye level but no, of course not, Deceit would never give up an advantage like that. "Because!" he said, agitated. "Because I know I'm right. I know Thomas needs me. I can help."

"If you truly loved him, you wouldn't be willing to hurt him," Patton said with conviction. That, he could be sure of.

"This is precisely why I've had to take such drastic measures!" Deceit actually stamped his foot, and Patton watched as he balled his hands into fists, the knit of his gloves straining at the knuckles. "None of you ever listen to me! You decided what I am long before I made my entrance and you only hear what supports that illusion." He took a slow, deep breath, and his voice was back to its usual silken glide when he spoke again. "I am asking you, one last time, to get out of my way."

"And I'm telling you" --Patton got to his feet so he could look Deceit in the eye-- "no."

IV.

They found each other in the aftermath, both their worlds shattered and still on fire. Janus, for once in his life, didn't know what to say. The walls around them flickered from the force of their combined imagination, showing crumbling drywall and collapsed framing, the smoldering ruin of everything they could have sworn was truth.

Janus had known that Patton was wrong about him, but he had never suspected that he might be wrong about Patton. The realization buzzed through his veins like electricity, along with a fatal determination that he and Patton were inexorably linked now.

Janus never thought he would say the words now coming out of his mouth and mean them, but Patton's magnetic draw seemed to pull them out as it pulled Janus closer and closer. "I was wrong, Patton. Maybe not about everything, but I was wrong about you."

"I did this," Patton said, gesturing at the broken-down walls. He seemed to feel the pull, too, if his gentle shuffle toward Janus was anything to go by.

Sarcasm seemed far beyond Janus' reach tonight, but perhaps not a few well-placed lies. "It's okay, Patton. Everything is okay." The flames moved in closer, consuming some of the wreckage, but Janus knew they were safe. It was all made-up, all of it. He could put the fire out if he could just focus on something other than Patton's tear-streaked face and oh, they were still getting closer and closer together. They'd be chest-to-chest soon. "I think…" said Patton. He wasn't crying now, thank God, because Janus didn't know what he would do. "Is it bad to find something beautiful in all of this?"

And there it was. The contact. Their foreheads touching, their hands intertwined. The two survivors of the wreck, drawn toward each other like magnets. "Very bad," Janus murmured, and he knew that Patton knew he was trying to talk himself out of what he did next.

He kissed Patton.

It was a terrible thing to do, probably his most selfish act to date. Here was Patton, devastated and willing to take whatever comfort he could find, and Janus was taking advantage. Even he had morals, but, oh, this was nice. He hadn't realized just how tense they had been with each other until it all suddenly snapped. And Patton was kissing back and had released his grip on Janus' hands so he could wrap his arms around him. Janus pulled away. "I shouldn't have done that," he said. "You don't need that. "

"Am I that bad at kissing?" Patton asked innocently.

"You didn't want that," Janus explained. "You're upset and you're not thinking straight." Patton was still holding him and despite the tear tracks still gleaming on his cheeks, he looked amused. Something ached at the back of Janus' tongue. "You don't want me."

Patton kissed him again, sweet and chaste this time. "Tell more about how I feel, Janus."

"I--" Couldn't think, couldn't think. "You--" Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Short-circuit. "But I-- You don't--"

"I didn't learn anything today," Patton said, "but I think I realized something that I've always known. Does that make sense?"

"This doesn't solve all our problems," Janus said. This couldn't be real. He couldn't allow himself to delight in this, not when it was going to go away. "You still don't approve of my methods and I don't agree with yours. We're going to disagree."

"You think I don't disagree with the others?" Patton asked and was that hope in his eyes. Here in the fire and ruins, here at the end of the world, Patton had hope. "I want to make this work."

Janus kissed him. This felt like less of a decision and more of a necessity, like breathing.

"So you believe me?" Patton asked when they parted. "You trust me?"

The answer was already yes despite the fear eating away at Janus' insides. It was more like a thrill than existential terror, and on some level he knew he must have been high on endorphins and adrenaline. "I trust you. But Patton?"

"Yeah?"

"What do we do now?"

"We make it work."

There was something undeniably thrilling about seeing Janus in secret. But mostly, Patton just felt awful about it. Sneaking out of his room at night like a teenager was fun, tip-toeing down the hall to hide away in Janus' room definitely had a sort of teen movie appeal to it. It was the pretending that made Patton feel all sick and guilty.

"You look tired," Roman said. He still wasn't back to his vibrant self, but Patton had vowed to be gentle with him until he found his footing again.

Patton was tired. He and Janus had spent most of the night just talking, innocent as could be, both tucked beneath the covers of Janus' bed. He tried and failed to think of a good pun, something that might distract Roman. "I was up kinda late, I guess."

Roman nodded. It was just the two of them that morning, Virgil being a late sleeper and Logan having been increasingly reclusive as of late, despite his reconciliation with Patton and the others. "I'll make you a coffee. Something fancy. Dare I say, the best coffee you've ever had."

"Oh," said Patton, cheeks heating up. "You don't have to!" Guilt flooded his chest at the idea of taking advantage of Roman.

"I'm offering," said Roman. "But if it makes you feel better, I'll make one for myself, too."

That did make Patton feel better, if only a little. He sighed as Roman got up from the table and started bustling around in the kitchen. These days, Janus was always on the tip of his tongue. He didn't want to risk ruining Roman's good mood by bringing up such a painful subject, but… Patton couldn't keep going like this.

Hiding the relationship had of course been Janus' idea, but Patton couldn't deny the safety of it. For the first time, he realized how Deceit and Self-Preservation could share an identity. And while Patton knew his reasons were noble, he also understood that lying hurt. His friends would be devastated regardless of how they found out, but the destruction would be much worse if they found out accidentally.

"Something's bothering you," Roman said when he got back, holding two mugs piled high with whipped cream covered in chocolate shavings.

"I don't want to talk about it," Patton said.

"C'mon, Padre, we've talked about this. Sharing your feelings doesn't make you a burden. Especially if I'm asking."

Oh, Patton really didn't deserve Roman. "I know, kiddo, I just-- I'm not ready yet."

"Is this about J-- Him? Because I swear, if he hurt you, if he did something--" Roman cut himself off, and Patton appreciated that he looked a little embarrassed. "Sorry."

"I promise I'll tell you when I'm ready," Patton said.

"I suppose that's all I can really ask," Roman said with a nod. "Well, I'll be here when you're ready. It's the least I can do."

"Thanks, Roman." He was still having issues with negative self-talk, but Patton didn't feel like nagging him about it today. So he smiled and picked up a spoon to scoop up some whipped cream. "You're a good friend."

When Roman wandered off to go work on a new creative vision for Thomas, Patton booked it to the Other living room (he was no longer comfortable thinking of it as the Dark Side). While he wasn't exactly on friendly terms with Remus yet, he might be able to navigate a conversation with him if required.

But thankfully, Janus was sprawled out on the couch reading a book of blank verse poetry and Remus was nowhere in sight. “Everything okay, angel?” he asked, tilting the book down so Patton could see his eyes. He sat up so Patton could sit next to him, cuddling closer when Patton put an arm around his shoulders.

Patton fidgeted with the hem of Janus’ capelet. “I’m thinking I want to, um…” He paused, looking for the right words. “Bring you up? See what the others think about you coming around every once in a while. Or all the time.”

Janus stiffened. Patton rubbed his arm. “I’m sure they’ll be thrilled at the idea of having me around.”

“I wouldn’t leave you alone with them!” Patton said. He had learned, more through hints and inference than anything Janus had outright said, that Janus was deeply afraid of rejection and guarded his heart closely. “I just want… I want to stop lying to them and I want to stop sneaking around.”

“It’s safer this way,” Janus said, nudging Patton.

“But it’s not fair to them or to us to keep going like this,” Patton said. “I promise I won’t let them hurt you.”

“Oh, yeah?” Janus asked archly, one hand inching up Patton’s thigh. “You’ll be my hero?”

“You don’t need a hero,” Patton said, putting his free hand down on top of Janus’. “If you decide to go off on them, what you’ll need is a referee.”

“That is true,” Janus said, and Patton noticed with a rush of affection that he was trying not to smile.

“So can I?”

Janus turned and kissed him softly on the forehead. “Yes, angel. But only because you’re cute.”

#moceit #spicyanswer #spicywrites #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #i wrote most of this on my phone so let me know if you catch any typos or formatting errors!

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sexydreamgirl · 3 years

Note

this might come off as mean but tbh your whining tag is kind of rude. some of the ppl on there are prob new to law of attraction/manifesting and instead of actually paying attention to them, you’re writing it off as whining.

also it’s kind of weird how you say in ur bio people can vent/trauma dump but then write off people who do that with LOA as whining. imo its just rude and invalidating. dealing w that all the time is probably frustrating but instead of saying they’re whining just don’t answer the ask 💀

It isn’t kind of rude. It is rude, that’s the point, so it can discourage y’all from sending such messages in the future. I cannot bring myself to delete the questions because I know they want help otherwise they wouldn’t come to me. I’ve stated that I answer everything I receive including that dreadful spider man incident so I just choose to post these asks I get anyway so people know I’ve received them. I love talking to my followers and I especially love my anons. I receive about 50 questions a day, +250 if I’m online and I’m always happy to help people (so long as I don’t have to repeat myself hence why I have a FAQ and # my answered questions). However, if you do not provide a question I cannot help you.

Also, vents/trauma dumps are not the same as whining imo. A vent is more of a rant or just a need to let out strong feelings about something while a trauma dump is usually a long dump pertaining to trauma or other overwhelming predicaments. Whining is just complaining. But you provide a fairly valid point that I have previously considered and I completely understand what you mean, I was kinda iffy about it too because I know it’d be a cunt move to pass something off as whining if it’s a vent/proper frustration which in case then you’d be right, that’d be invalidating and I’m sure I must have been unable to differentiate the two on a few occasions.

I consent to receiving trauma dumps and vents because other blogs aren’t okay with receiving them and I know I can take on them (I’ve done it multiple times). My answers range in length depending on the question because repetition becomes tiring and I can’t keep writing customized prescriptions but I still do what I can when I can. I let people send whatever they want on here whether it’s to pour out their frustration (which would be a dump) or whatever it is because it can be a cathartic mechanism but if I’m receiving nothing but when I receive something like “the law is such bs it doesn’t work for me” with NO question? That’s straight up whining and nothing else. It’s like... okay... what do you want me to say? You’re here vaguely telling me about your problem which I would assume is for the sake of soliciting help but I’m gonna need you to come with a question because I’m not gonna sit there and take my time to pry it out of you, I’m not your therapist. I’m intentionally making myself available to you all so in order for us to meet in the middle be reasonable with what you send if you actually want help.

Anyone who follows me knows that I love helping people and if that weren’t the case my blog would cease to exist. If you read what I write back, I always validate the feelings and struggles these people are feeling and I aim to be as mindful as possible when sensitive topics are discussed (because empathy is required when running a blog like this) and you need to tread lightly. I always advise with the best intentions and when the chance presents itself, I will dedicate extra time to the answers I provide because I love you and I want to give you what I would consider the best advice/answer that I can give you. What I’m trying to say is I’m always here to help you for whatever the case may be but if you’re not actually doing your part so I can do that, then you’re wasting both of our times. I have a huge, huge tolerance for this kinda thing and call it rude, call me a pos, but I also need to set some guidelines in place if you’re gonna be sending me something with the expectation that I respond to it. I pour my heart into the answers I provide when I am up for it and while I do understand that people struggle, receiving something without substance is just annoying.

(+ for future reference you don’t need to be like “hey this might be mean but” just send girl I can handle it)

#this was way longer than intended but #i hope this addressed your concern <3 #i'll retire the hashtag eventually but i'll leave it there so people get the memo and stop

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starryeyedrogue · 3 years

Text

mental health & vent

again, a long one. please stick with me here.

tw: depression, anxiety, ptsd, epilepsy diagnosis, suicidal thoughts mention

hey everyone, like I said in my last post, I won’t be as active on here. this doesn’t mean I’m quitting by any means, I’m here for the long haul! I just need a break for a little bit.

side note: I am not in any way suicidal or practicing self harm. this is just to vent and act as a PSA for my mutuals/followers.

now onto my main message.

I’ve seen lots of posts about mental health lately, and I’m so incredibly proud of those who have spoken up. They’ve inspired me to make my own post, actually. normally I’d keep it to myself, but this time has been rough and I want to get it off my chest. I’ll probably delete this later, but still.

I’ve been depressed.

long story short, I had a very traumatic experience a couple years ago with an ex boyfriend (not going into it on this post, for details just dm me. not something I’d want to post publicly, this is just an explanation) and I was deeply depressed. I was never diagnosed “officially” because I was afraid to speak up, as this would expose what I was going through. I had really bad anxiety at that time too, and I still do. I also have PTSD flashbacks from it now and again. none of this was diagnosed, and I still don’t want to bring it up to my doctors/family. my irl friends don’t even know, at least not most of it.

I have monoclonic epilepsy, which means my seizures are fairly small. my arms, legs, feet, hands, and fingers twitch, and I lose control for a few seconds. it doesn’t hurt, and sometimes I don’t even notice or remember it happening, but my family does. epilepsy in general runs in my family, and it can be triggered by a great deal of stress, lack of sleep, and of course flashing lights. in my case, I never “had” epilepsy or seizures until the “experience” I mentioned before, as it caused massive amounts of stress for about 2 years straight. it’s gotten better, as I now have medicine and am out of that situation, and I haven’t had a seizure since September, which is amazing and a huge blessing.

writing has helped with my depression and anxiety a lot, as I can write out what effects me the most. honestly, some of the characters are based off of myself (before vs after) and the person from the “experience.” this is just for therapeutic reasons, as I don’t really want to go to real therapy (I’d be too embarrassed to ask for it or talk to someone anyway, though I probably need to go eventually and plan to when I’m on my own).

however, when I stopped posting it, I started feeling bad again. I didn’t think I needed to post my stories to feel better or to make a childhood dream into reality, but not posting it made me feel somehow worse. I’ve stopped writing as much, and I’ve lost motivation to do just about anything. I’m working on a couple things to help myself get out of this “funk,” but any tips would be greatly appreciated!

this may seems stupid, but I’ve been depressed and very anxious about my schooling. I started in cyber security and got about halfway through, but I became depressed and had other issues so I didn’t finish the degree. now I’m starting in psychology, after praying for months and months for help with figuring out what to do for school. I finally got an answer, and that answer was to be a Christian counselor! I want to help as many people as I can, especially since I know how it feels to be anxious, depressed, and have PTSD.

I’m dealing with a lot of changes right now, as I’m selling my first car, might have to move out of my first house/childhood home, and just a bunch of other stuff. this sounds trivial, but I hate change. it seriously stresses me out. my neurologist told me that if I have any more seizures, I won’t be able to drive for 6 months to a year to be safe (as I could have an “episode” as I call it while driving and hurt myself/others in a potential car accident). trust me, trying not to be stressed while being stressed, anxious, and depressed is not easy.

on top of all that, my irl friends have all but abandoned me. I never hear from them (all but one, she’s the best!), and when I do they ignore me or pretend to listen when they obviously aren’t. I try to make plans with them, but they ignore me or just say “definitely!” but never try to set up times to hang out. It’s been almost two years since I’ve seen them all together. I was able to hang out with the friend I mentioned earlier to go to another friend’s recital, but that was it, and that was months ago. I totally get being busy, but I miss them and I don’t think they miss me, which really hurts. one friend ditched us on graduation day and we haven’t talked to her outside of “happy birthday,” or “@___ look at this thing I know you like,” which she never responded to. graduation was 4 years ago. I miss them all, even if they aren’t really my friends. I miss familiarity and their chaotic personalities. I’ve known them my entire life. honestly, I haven’t made any other friends irl, even though I’ve tried (I’m very introverted and a lot of people don’t get my humor/personality. I’m very much a mischievous old lady that uses weird wording (li.e. using uncommon words for my generation mixed with modern stuff, basically I sound like a vampire that’s been around since the 50s and mixes the eras together in some unholy mixture) at heart and I have very niche interests that I cling to like they’re my last hope). basically, making friends and meeting new people is hard for me for various reasons.

tumblr is different though, which I’m seriously grateful for! the people I’ve talked to are all so nice and really fun to talk to, and they’re part of why I’m posting this. @elvish-sky gave me the courage to post this and @hey-its-nonny and @padawansofthejediorder have been amazing and super nice to me, and I couldn’t be more grateful. the reason I’m posting this is to let them know what’s going on if I don’t respond to messages for a while, and to let them know what wonderful people they are and how much it means to me that they care about me, even if we’re just tumblr mutuals. I love you guys, thanks for being here! it means more than you know.

my mom and dad both had health scares recently, which made me spiral even more. I honestly don’t know what I would do if one of them died. they’re literally my world and my best friends, as ridiculous as that sounds. my mental health was so low I honestly thought I’d die too. they’re both fine now, which is truly a blessing and a massive relief. when I say I thought I’d die too, I don’t mean I wanted to commit suicide, but I honestly can’t imagine a world without my parents, especially my mom (hers was the main health scare, it was a case of reaction to a new medication for her migraines). we’re insanely close and she’s my best friend, as cheesy as that sounds. I don’t know what I would do without her. it’s making me teary just thinking about it.

long story short, please be patient with me. I’m dealing with a lot right now, and I need some time to take a deep breath and focus on my mental health. if you have any suggestions/tips for dealing with depression, anxiety, and PTSD flashbacks, please let me know!

for those I’ve tagged, you don’t have to reply or even read this whole thing if you want, I tagged you because I thought you’d like to know about this and/or I wanted to show my appreciation for your kindness!

I love you all, thanks for sticking around and listening to my rants. <3

#roguespeaks #sorry that was super long #vent #mental health #roguesrambles

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let-patton-say-fuck · 4 years

Text

Hello and welcome

This post is going to be long and detailed, but here’s the gist:

I want to create a blog that will serve as a collection of Patton content in which he's portrayed as the extremely interesting character that he is. This includes angst, character studies, theories, discussions of gray morality, etc, etc. Also, I personally heavily identify with Patton, and whenever I see content of him being absolutely feral? Incredibly cathartic. I just think it’s neat. So, this is a blog for Patton content that presents him as more than the “innocent soft little puffball” he tends to be percieved as in the fandom. And, to be honest, more than anything I just want to inspire as many people as possible to join me in my #LetPattonSayFuck agenda. Let him do it. He deserves it.

None (or almost none) of the content on this blog is going to be mine. If you have content you want me to put on here, you can:

Tag me in it

Submit a post

Send me an ask

DM it to me

I will reblog the things people send me and try my best to organise them (more on that after the cut). You can send art, fanfiction, edits, rants, headcanons, memes, just related thoughts that come to your head, basically anything you want.

I will also sometimes reblog things to this blog just because I feel like they fit and I want to. If I reblogged something you created to this blog and you don't want that, please let me know, and I will delete it. Essentially, this is just a place for me to hoard (and navigate) any and all content about my favourite types of Patton characterisation. And you can join, if you want!!

And now onto the details:

About The Different Kinds Of Patton:

Different sides (ha) of Patton might be explored in the posts of this blog, so I think they will require some sort of classification. You can block or search certain tags based on your preferences.

The tags I will be using:

#let patton say fuck - any post where Patton swears (not necessarily “fuck”)

#feral patton - feral Patton. That’s it that’s the tag. Let my boy go feral. Whatever level of feral. From dying your hair at 4am to murder. Give me feral Patton

#angry patton

#patton angst - h u r t h i m (then help him pls. Not a requirement, just a personal request. Unhappy endings accepted but not without tears). This one will probably have a lot of subcategories

#flirty patton - I will be using this tag for any flirtatious actions from Patton, especially those that wouldn’t usually be seen as “typical” for him.

#suggestive patton - taking the previous tag a step further, this one is for any innuendos, sexual jokes/hints from Patton, whether in a flirty context or just for humour reasons.

#smart patton - any kinds of intelligence. Emotional intelligence, academic intelligence, strategic intelligence, musical intelligence, etc. Bring it on. If anyone wants me to make separate tags for different types of intelligence, please let me know exactly how you want me to do that, and I will, as soon as I can.

#BAMF patton - let him fuck shit up a little. As a treat

#mischief patton - Patton doing pranks, teasing someone, making fun of someone light-heartedly, messing with people. Sarcastic Patton. All that adorable devious shit. Gimme

#smug patton - smug bastard man,,,,,, sarcastic bastard man,,,,,,,,,, teasing bastard man,,,,,, (this one and the mischief one will probably overlap yeah)

#patton and morality - gray morality Patton. Being confused abt moral concepts because morality is hard, man. Patton being wrong, but learning. Patton making mistakes,,,,, I love him

#nsfw patton - I accept NSFW content, it will always be tagged. These posts will also be tagged with "#nsfw" and "#nsfs" (Not Safe For Sanders). This tag is for explicitly sexual things only. Sexual humour/innuendos/hints will all be in the "suggestive" tag. You can filter out one or both, if you want.

Once again, if anyone wants me to make a separate tag, I will.

About The Different Kinds Of Content:

As I’ve mentioned before, absolutely any form of content is accepted. Some tags that will help in looking for specific things:

#pat art - Some art,,, of the Pat,,,,,

#pat fanfic - More on ships later

#pat thoughts - any kinds of thoughts/rants. If you wanna share your ideas or just talk about Patton, this is probably how it will be tagged. Lemme know if you want me to change anything

#pat analysis

#pat theories

#pat hcs - any headcanons!! Ship headcanons!! Random headcanons!!! Vent “This is about Patton but I Am Patton” headcanons haha definitely know nothing about those!!! All headcanons are welcome

#pat memes - memes, shitposts, funny thoughts, incorrect quotes. Anything like that

#pat edits - Video, photo, audio, GIF. Once again, if anyone wants separate tags, I will add them.

Any other types of content will be given their own tags in the future, if they will be needed.

The tag for any asks is just "#asks". Anything related to this blog will be tagged "#blog stuff".

About Ships:

All ships will be given their own tags. More ships (poly ships, ships without Patton in them) will be added later as we go. For now here are the tags I will be using for Patton ships (tell me if anything needs to be changed):

#moceit

#logicality

#moxiety

#intruality

#royality

All characters will be tagged as “#ts *character name*”:

#ts logan

#ts janus

#ts roman

#ts virgil

#ts remus

If you don’t want to see certain characters or ships, please just filter the tags.

About Trigger Warnings:

If you ever need me to tag (or change) anything for any reason, please feel free to tell me, and I will do so as fast as I can and as thoroughly as I can.

Trigger warning tags are added to this post as content is being posted. Before posting anything, I will review it for potential triggers and update this post if needed. If anyone wants to add a tag for anything in advance - let me know, and I will do it.

So, let's start:

#pat discourse - any kind of argument against the way Patton is treated by the general fandom. While I think most people here would agree with those opinions, sometimes just the notion of an argument is distressing.

#tw cursing - I mean just in case

#tw murder mention - for references to murder with no details or visuals

#tw murder - discussion of murder with some details and/or visuals

#tw repression

#tw self-hatred

#tw anxiety attack

#tw threats

#tw alcohol

And finally!!!! This is a No Unsympathetic Patton Allowed zone. I guess it depends on how you would define "unsympathetic", but no content of Patton being abusive and/or anything similar to that will be posted, and please, please do not send it in. Please don't send Patton hate either, I won't post it, but it will hurt me quite a lot, please don't do that. If you don't like Patton, just go to another blog.

#tw arguing

#tw self-destructive behaviour

I'm sorry in advance if I ever forget to tag anything, please tell me right away so I can fix it! I don't really know how to run a blog, so I'm sorry if anything is wrong. I'm willing to try my best to keep this as organised as possible, since it's For A Good Cause. Thank you so much for visiting this blog, and I hope you enjoy it!!

#sanders sides #patton sanders #ts patton #let patton say fuck #tw cursing #long post #the length of this post (before the cut) is distressing me so ill look into what i can do abt that

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mystic-shadows42 · 4 years

Text

Against the Odds {Part 9}

Warnings: Smut, Drugged, Sexual Assault

You and Hvitserk were laying in bed together. He had a long talk with you after you confronted Katia.

He had ranted and paced as he talked. He worked himself up, but he needed to vent. Katia had put him through a lot as of late.

Ever since the scare with Katia, Hvitserk was all over you. If he couldn’t see you, he’d make sure you were by his side.

He had his hands on your waist as you tried sitting up. None of you said anything. Just being in each others arms was enough.

He had told you what he did to the man. It did scare you a bit that Katia had still sent a man to get rid of you. Though with Hvitserk here with you, made you feel safe.

Hvitserk nudged your chin to face him. He knew you were thinking about everything that had happened. He leaned in and kissed you.

He wanted you to forget the bad and only think of the good. His kiss was sweet, soft, and tender.

You placed his hand over your breast, emitting a groan from him into the kiss. You pulled back pecking his lips a few times, then you kissed his neck, sucking at his skin.

He dropped his head back sighing. This was the most relaxed he’d been in a while.

You had one hand on his chest while you slid your other hand down his trousers. He tried muffling a moan. It turned you on to be able to emit that from him.

You gripped him in your hands and stroked his length up and down. You looked into his eyes seeing that his eyes had dilated. He thrusted his hips up becoming impatient.

You pushed him back down smiling at him. You pulled his trousers all the way down and spread your legs over him.

Your dress bunched up to your waist as you hovered over Hvitserk. You were wet and ready for him.

Hvitserk looked up at you as if he couldn’t believe you were taking charge.

You pinned his hands down just like he does to you. You could feel he was excited while his eyes were wide in amusement.

You lowered yourself down on him, only allowing the tip inside. Hvitserk tried thrusting his hips up, but you pulled away, teasing him.

He groaned in frustration.

You could see the strain he was going through as his veins were prominent on his skin.

You decided to put him out of his misery. You lowered yourself into him completely, letting all of him in you with one stroke. Your body clenched around him.

You gave yourself a moment to adjust to him. Hvitserk’s hands roamed your body comforting you. He slowly thrusted up as you met his thrusts back.

Your movements were slow and steady to savor the moment. You let his wrists go.

As soon as you did Hvitserk’s hands were on your back sitting you both up as you continued to ride him.

He had his fingers in your hair, holding your head to continue to face him. He wanted absolute no space between the both of you.

Hvitserk held your waist helping you raise your body only to drive down harder on him. He grunted and licked his lips loving seeing you in this position, taking over.

You could feel your release coming soon and you could tell Hvitserk was holding back from his. He clenched his teeth, slowing his thrusts.

He couldn’t hold back anymore and released his seed inside you.

You moaned out loud, wiggling your hips a few times.

Hvitserk looked up at you, admiring the faces you made. He stroked your back and kissed you in between your breasts.

He looked back up at you with a defenseless look.

“I love you.”

That shocked you to the core. He’d never said the words to you. You had always wanted to hear them coming from his lips and now he actually was.

Your eyes welled up and your lip quivered. You wrapped your arms around him, hugging him to you.

“I love you too, Hvitserk. I’ve always loved you.”

He gave you a bruising kiss. You smiled into the kiss, loving this moment more than anything else.

You popped off the bed squealing with excitement. Hvitserk laid back in bed watching you. He put his hands behind his head, relaxing.

“I’m going to take Leif and Sif to see my mother.”

Hvitserk raised his eyebrows surprised.

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s a good day. They’ve been asking about her so I’ll take them to her home. Maybe cook something. Pretend we’re a normal family.”

“Sounds nice.”

“Do you want to come with us?”

“No, this needs to be about you all getting reacquainted as a family. I’ll send some guys to watch over you all, just in case.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For everything.”

You crawled on the bed towards him and kissed his lips.

****

Third Person POV

While you were gone, Hvitserk was in the great hall having some drinks with the guys.

It was strange not having you by his side, so he decided to call it night, but not without one last stop.

Hvitserk went into the room that was supposed to be his and Katia’s when they married.

He wanted to gift you with fine clothes and jewelry. Ones that were untouched by Katia. They were gifted to her, but Hvitserk didn’t care.

Katia was a spoiled brat that didn’t need any of it. He just wanted to see you smile.

He was feeling a bit dizzy which confused him since he didn’t think he drunk so much.

He shook away the feeling and ignored Katia when she entered, closing the door behind her.

“I’m glad you’ve finally visited our chambers.”

Hvitserk continued on, ignoring her.

“How are you feeling?”

He stumbled into a dresser which he held his hands out against to balance himself. He shook his head trying to shake off whatever has overcome him.

“I see it’s starting to take effect.”

Hvitserk looked over at Katia still dazed. In his line of sight, he was seeing double of Katia.

“What’d you do?”

Katia played with his hair.

“All I did was place a couple of herbs in your drink.”

Hvitserk was blinking his eyes trying to look at Katia. He made a move to her. He wanted to hurt her for doing this to him.

He was helpless. He had no strength in his body. He stumbled when he took a step towards her.

Katia smirked and pushed Hvitserk onto the bed. She started to undress herself. All Hvitserk could do was sit up in bed swaying as his vision of Katia began to blur.

He could see her undressing until she was bare to him. He could feel the effects of the herbs Katia gave him. He was starting to get sleepy.

She crawled onto the bed and started to pull down Hvitserk’s trousers. He tried to move her hands away, but there was no force behind it. His strength had left him completely.

“Stop,” he whispered.

“You’ll learn not to mess with me again.”

By the time she was able to pull his trousers down, he had passed out.

Tagged: @lol-haha-joke @geekandbooknerd @alexa4040

#Hvitserk #Hvitty #Hvitserk x reader #Hvitserk Imagine #Hvitserk Lothbrok #Hvitserk Ragnarsson #Hvitserk Fanfiction #Vikings #Vikings Fanfiction #Against the Odds

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thesaltyace · 3 years

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big rant/ramble below, you can safely ignore and move on to the next post in your feed.

Urgh

I shared the results of that autism screener with a quasi-friend who I thought would be "safe" (we used to work together and we connected over his being gay and me being visibly queer) but his response was blergh

Everyone has hints of autism.

okay yeah but this isn't just *hints* of autism. I'm answered yes to symptoms I've had since I was a kid that I've learned to mask or work around as an adult. But I still struggle with them.

He pointed out that he sees me as more ADHD than ASD.

Yeah, fair, and I'd need to see a professional to try to distinguish if my symptoms are ADHD, ASD, or both.

You don't hit the three prongs needed for a diagnosis.

But.... but I do. And the stuff I dealt with as a kid is still stuff I deal with today. I just mask it better. A short and not exhaustive list:

As I kid I had trouble interacting with peers. I didn't have friends, really. I didn't know how to make friends and I didn't try terribly hard to. I acquire friends when someone else "adopts" me and decides that we are friends. And once I became an adult, I have almost never had friends of my own - I share a friend group with my spouse who we're primary connected to through him. I'm okay with that. Maintaining a friendship entirely on my own power sounds impossible and exhausting.

I was okay with not having friends, I liked being alone, but my mom insisted on me being social. She made me join things so that I would have a list of people to invite to parties. I'd honestly have preferred a day of doing stuff I like or just a couple friends. As an adult, I want to be alone on my birthday. I will celebrate with certain friends, separately, usually over a quiet meal. That's it.

I had trouble understanding sarcasm and figurative speech. Like, I understand it now but I still think most figurative speech is annoying. I've been told the way I deliver sarcasm is weird, too.

I liked memorizing movies and quoting them start to finish, I thought it was fun but everyone else thought it was weird. I continued to do this into adulthood but I only quote aloud when I'm alone. Alamo Drafthouse quote-alongs are the BEST. I don't do this with every movie, either, just ones I really like.

Okay actually I also liked to listen to the same album or, in some cases, the same song over and over until I was sick of it (and sometimes even after that point). I mean, just endlessly looping on repeat. Not interspersed with other songs. I do this as an adult a LOT because it's easier with headphones to do this without annoying everyone else around you. Like, often it's fine for me to just put a playlist on shuffle, but I get into Moods where I just want the one album/song over and over. Yesterday I listened to Wellerman about 50 times in a row and only stopped because I had to get up and do something else and that song wasn't "good" for whatever I got up to do.

My special interest as a kid was cats. Literally everything cats, all the time - I sought out obscure facts and could tell you the difference between similar species, and wanted cats involved in literally everything I did. Adults laughed it off as childhood obsession. I was also pretty obsessed with the solar system. I thought asking my peers, as a trivia question, which of Jupiter's moons had its own asteroid (Io, in case you were wondering) was appropriate and interesting and was confused that they didn't know that. That was in fifth grade.

I watched the weather channel for fun. I would watch it for hours and absorb the weekly forecast info just... for fun? I never used it, could never tell you if you should dress a certain way or bring an umbrella or whatever. Everyone thought it was weird.

I was a know-it-all and literally could not stop myself from bluntly correcting people who were wrong. Didn't know or care that it was "rude". I'm still that way but I've learned how to sometimes swallow the urge long enough to find a more tactful way to point it out (but often fail).

I could read on my own before kindergarten, used vocabulary beyond what one would expect for my age, and had a special interest in spelling and grammar throughout my school years. I did not understand how other people weren't interested in learning about it and getting it right. I read at an undergrad level by 4th grade.

I hated loud noises and often covered my ears to block out irritating sounds. I could also hear high pitched noises that even other kids didn't seem to hear (or at least weren't bothered by them). Too much noise sent me into an internal meltdown, I'd just kinda shut down because I couldn't deal with it.

Textures and pressure on my skin bothered the absolute fuck out of me - sock seams, certain fabric materials, socks that weren't equally elastic, one shoe tighter than the other, tags.... all of that. (Also, fun anecdote I just unlocked - when I was 4 or 5 my grandmother started letting me use the soft silk sleep shirt she had as a young woman because I preferred it to anything else. Soft, smooth, no irritating qualities. Bliss. I wanted to wear it all the time.)

Don't get me started on food. Until I was in COLLEGE I mostly subsisted on pasta with either butter or alfredo sauce and chicken. I would eat other things, but pasta and/or chicken was (and still is) my biggest safe/comfort food. I'd eat other stuff mostly if I could control the balance of ingredients, get it made plain, or could confirm the texture wouldn't be offensive (so, like... plain burgers, plain cheese pizza, grilled cheese, mashed potatoes, etc.) I cannot stress this enough - from childhood through COLLEGE I did this. As a kid my mom had to make me a completely separate dish most nights to get me to eat something. My spouse was horrified at what little variety I ate. The only reason I eat so much variety now is that he knows what I do/don't like and tells me in advance if I'll find a texture or taste offensive. Of course, rather than wanting consistent texture like I did when I was younger, I now seek as much texture as possible (so long as they aren't Bad textures) so.... that's fun. But yeah most of my objections to Yucky foods is due to T E X T U R E. Even if I like the taste, the texture overrides it all.

I prefer animals to people. I will seek out animals and interact with them instead of people in the same room. And will pointedly focus on the animal to avoid interacting with people.

I'm perfectly happy with only myself for company. Being with just my spouse counts as me being "alone" though. Always has. I just realized last night that it's because I do minimal to no masking around him because he's a safe person to unmask with and always has been. Never batted an eye at the weird shit I do beyond asking questions about what I was doing or why. And then just "Okay."

Okay honestly just the fact that I want to vent into the void of tumblr instead of actually discussing this with a person - even my spouse! - pretty effectively shows how little it occurs to me to interact with other people directly. o_0

And there are so many more things that I won't list here because I could just go on and on. And like, sure, some of this may certainly overlap with ADHD but my point is that I have enough to point to ASD that it doesn't feel like having a "hint" of autism. And who knows - maybe it is mostly just ADHD and CPTSD stuff interacting in weird ways. Could be!

But just because I can make small talk and make eye contact and do the "normal" shit and I can interact "normally" doesn't mean I LIKE it. I had to LEARN to do those things to avoid having bad social interactions. When I'm by myself or with my spouse, I behave very differently than I do around anyone else. ANYONE. It's not just slightly changing my behavior depending on who I'm with - it's completely suppressing how I naturally would do things if left to my own devices.

Like, the things we recommended to our autistic students who wanted to know how to interact in ways that would help them blend in/be accepted by others ARE THE EXACT THINGS I ALREADY DO. Like, it did not occur to me at the time that neurotypicals literally do not have to think about doing those things. I thought, ah, these students just need to be told what the tricks are. Other people figure these tricks out on their own. It did not occur to me that other people, in fact, do not learn these tricks because they naturally do that behavior. They do not have to actively think about learning the trick, period. I literally thought other people also have to think as hard as I do about interactions. Evidently not.

So yeah, I'm feeling a little upset about the reaction I got from him because I'm like.... honestly, a diagnosis of ASD wouldn't change a lot about how I do things or think of things. But it would make me feel better about interacting with and participating in autism-related stuff if I am actually autistic. I realize I can use the resources and supports meant for ASD regardless, and for formal supports anything I can access due to my ADHD diagnosis likely covers anything I'd need for ASD. But having a diagnosis opens up more community. Right now I'm like yeah I'm ADHD but I totally relate to this ASD content. But I'm not going to interact much because I feel like I don't have the right to join in since idk if I do have ASD.

idk I have a lot of feelings. I had a bad email about the trans insurance coverage thing yesterday and I'm not in a great headspace, but finding out me and my spouse both scored very high on the autism screening stuff was honestly a high point because we ended up sharing a lot of how we view and interact with the world that was very eye-opening about why we interact the way we do, how we relate to others (and how other people think we're weird for how we relate to others), and just...everything. And having someone be skeptical after I've spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that I DON'T have ASD only to conclude that at the very least, I should probably be evaluated because I can't reasonably rule it out. Like, most people do not wonder if they have autism. The fact that I am spending this much time looking into it and trying to find examples to disprove it only to find I overwhelmingly can't in virtually every single diagnostic category.... just..... dismissing it outright is kinda hurtful.

Like, I recognize that ADHD symptoms overlap a fair bit, but seriously. My spouse (who definitively does not have ADHD) scored almost identically to me and we vibed on almost everything when we compared answers. We see most things similarly. We have similar areas of confusion about other people and for fundamentally similar reasons. I can't imagine all of the stuff that points to ASD for me is just ADHD in disguise, not when I vibe THAT HARD with someone else. Spouse does not vibe with me on ADHD content. At all. He can appreciate it since he does live with me, after all, and observes whatever's being discussed. But he doesn't vibe with it. He vibes with autism content, though. And I vibe with both.

idk this rant ended in rambling and I'm just going to go listen to Inside on repeat for a couple hours while I try to calm down a bit. o_0

#rant over #for now #I've actually been listening to Inside for the last twenty minutes already lol #maybe I'll try to nap #idk #blergh #yay Shit is playing now and I'm like LOL cause I did wake up at 11:30 feeling like shit #woot #what a bop #I'm like hell yeah you get it #let's vibe

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capo-cedes · 4 years

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Michael

INVOLVED: Mercedes D’onofrio, Nicholas D’onofrio, Al Mazomonie, Donna Mazomonie, Rebecca Mazomonie, & Michael D’onofrio TIME FRAME: LOCATION: -; New York City, New York NOTES: After the house is invaded and Mercedes goes into labor, everyone regroups at the hospital.

Mercedes rested against the hospital bed comfortably. This was the part of becoming a parent that she hadn’t prepared for, the labor and delivery. She exhaled softly as she breathed through a contraction as it wrecked through her. One hand gripping the beds railing for dear life as she laid there focusing on something other than the pain or the fact that there was no home to take their child to. The entire hospital was empty from top to bottom, police and guards circled the entire building.

After everything Al decided that by no means could they trust anything and anyone. The price didn’t matter; he had to protect Mercedes, Nicholas, and the unborn child safely if his own life depended on it. He paced the halls, down its entire length were men armed and ready for battle. He looked to his wife sitting beside Mercedes door before he placed his hands in his pockets and paced in the opposite direction.

Freddie stood even in his current state right by Mercedes door. He could hear the clicking of Al’s shoes from behind the closed door. His eyes darted at Mercedes as she exhaled into the room. Pain wasn’t an easy thing to watch on her but it was inevitable. There was nothing he could do there, outside of standing by her door with a loaded rifle in case anything happened within his control.

Head of Cosmetic Surgery Gregory Aronld. Or at least that is what his name tag read. Nicholas glanced down at the running gash on his leg that was being steadily closed. He rose from his chair and moved over closer to Mercedes’ bed, causing the surgeon to scamper holding the needle at the ready. “Mr. D” Dr. Arnold argued feebly, setting back to work as soon as Nicholas was still. “Do you need me to call the nurse?” Nicholas asked his wife, rubbing the back of her hand.

Mercedes groaned softly to herself and when Nicholas moved over towards her she looked up at him. “Would you please let him stitch you up?” she asked in an exasperated sigh. “I’m fine” she said in a low growl as she twisted her body “I don’t need a nurse” she told him, exhaling slowly through her plump lips.

“He knows what he is about.” Nicholas said looking down at the Doctor. He ran a restless hand back through his hair. “We both know you’re lying. But I guess this is a part of it. Can’t they give you something?”

Mercedes looked at Nicholas again calming down as the pain subsided. “I am not” she said to him tiredly as she licked her full lips and looked up at the ceiling. “I don’t need anything,” she replied back to him easily. Women before her had done this time and time again without assistance. She would be no different. She was strong, she was Mercedes Francis for god sakes a little baby could not break her.

Nicholas stretched his eyes, shaking his head softly. “All right.” He was restless. There were so many things that needed to be sorted out. He wanted to be at home combing over the bodies himself. They had to have left some clues. God help Paul if he didn’t come in with some good news. “Ouch” Nicholas groaned, slapping Dr. Arnold against the back of the head as he finished his work. “Watch that shit! Are you finished? Damn.” The doctor nodded, holding his head and moved away from the couple.

Bernice hurried up the hall, each room she passed was empty save the beeping of machinery. Turning a corner she almost ran bodily into Al. “Al!” She blurted. “How are the kids? Has the baby arrived yet?’

Mercedes blinked slowly as she looked over at Nicholas and the doctor in the room. When the man was finished he scurried away, leaving just her, Nicholas, and Freddie in the room. She shifted again in the bed straightening her posture a bit. “My water broke and he left…” she breathed looking back up at the ceiling. “I would have taken the shot” she said confused “why didn’t he do it? Why didn’t he kill me?” she breathed.

Al looked at the men down the stretch of hall, he needed to get some serious shit done and fast. Despite his pending grandchild, he needed him, Nicholas, and Freddie out and about. He wondered if he could leave Mercedes in the care of his wife as they did so. No, Mercedes needed their support right now she could have lost her life, they all could have and he didn’t know what he would have done truly. As a body bumped into him he turned around seeing Bernice “Bernice” he replied. “Fine, Nicky barely had a scratch. They stitched him up” he said. “No, the kid isn’t here yet. Two hours in, we know how long these things can take…”

Nicholas wandered back to his chair and sat down. “They were definitely there to kill you.” He signed, “Doesn’t make any sense why the deed isn’t done. They knew about the safe room. You two didn’t even know about that. And Luis won’t be giving us any clues. They killed him already.” These guys were connected that is for sure. “The soldiers in the kitchen were definitely Russian.” He said, looking over to Mercedes. “Baby, please tell me this isn’t the Russian mafia?”

Bernice cupped her face in her hand and exhaled, taking a moment to gather herself and wipe away her worries. “Yes, yes… I know. But going into labor during an invasion is a surprisingly new concept even for us.” She inhaled dropping her hands. “I don’t know what happened. This is all so unusual” she said crossing her arms. “Nicholas is too careful. The boy is damn near a ghost. How they could have been so careless with a pregnant woman in the house.” She fussed, in disbelief.

Mercedes listened to her husband, her heart pounding in her chest all over again, in that moment she had never known fear. Al’s back hand was an easy pill to swallow but her standing there without protection, soiling her clothes was a fear she had never known. She exhaled softly “this is all my fault, I am so sorry” she expressed seriously. “All those people,” she said thinking about her staff. “I know how you feel about this, and I am sorry” she repeated. “Our son doesn’t even have a nursery to go home to now” she said rambling on.

Al folded his arms over his chest as he stood before the woman, taking her in and watching to worry melt away. “Well,” he breathed “when you think you are going to die, your water breaking in probably the least of your worries” he let slip. “This isn’t Nicholas’ fuck up it’s hers” he breathed.

“Al” Donna said, very close in range to hear what both he and his friend Bernice were talking about.

Al turned around and looked back at his wife, “it’s the truth” he said back to her before he turned back to Bernice. “Nicholas could have died” he told both women “she could have died” he breathed “the baby for God sakes” he added. “And I am not completely sure how I am going to clean up all of this mess and protect them,” he vented. “Can’t even find these dudes right now…”

Upsetting Mercedes wasn’t what Nicholas intended. Even if it had been the only thing he’d done consistently for the last few months. “Shhh…” Nicholas said, going over the bed again, he sat on the edge, laying her head on his chest. “Everyone knows the risk. They’re family will be taken care of and now we have more time to figure this all out. I’m alive and most importantly you are. We’ll deal with the rest later.” He rubbed her arm. “It’s been taken care of. Down to the last baby blanket.”

Bernice looked confused… “Surly not.” She said, shaking her head. “Still this doesn’t make any sense.” she rubbed at her temples. “You can though. Al. you’ve seen the family though more than this.” She looked around at the assembled guards. “Do they have any soldiers left?”

Mercedes looked at Nicholas as he moved over to her once more she laid her head against his chest. She rested her hand against her bump, nodding her head at him as he spoke reassuring her. “Really?” she asked him as she looked up, a bit of shock and disbelief in her voice.

Al shifted on his feet, dropping his hands and placing them into his pockets again. “The Russian mafia” he stressed to her. “She claims her dealings with them were unbeknownst to her. She did what she had to protect Nicholas in the long run but now look at this shit” he said, throwing his hands up and gesturing around them. “Everyone has to watch their backs now” he told her. “Down to you,” he said, wagging his finger at Bernice. “Five” he told her, seriously lifting up five fingers. “There was an all out war at that damn house, bodies everywhere. I had to pay the NYPD so much got damn money!” he said, his voice booming.

Donna uncrossed her legs and recrossed them “Bernice” she breathed softly to the woman. “Come over here and grab a seat” she said “leave that old man to his thoughts” she said cutting off Al’s rant off.

Nicholas nodded. “Don’t sound so shocked. Yes. Red we are who we are. Shit happens. We lost more of the primary staff then I should like...but, we have a place to go and a pretty good skeleton crew to start.” He smirked, “Hell, Freddie can just be the new cook.”

Bernice’s head was spinning. “The Russians.” She whispered the word as if it were holy. “She couldn’t have known. Tiny’s always been Tiny but she’d never put us all in danger for nothing. Al you know that.” Her eyes focused on Al as he put her on notice. “I’m always careful. This isn’t our first war.” She twisted her lips, her heart ached for the families of the dead. “I can send over my personal maid to take over for them,” she said more to herself. She moved away from Al taking a seat next to Donna she grabbed the woman’s hand holding it in hers. “At least the kids are safe. Right, Al?”

Mercedes looked back up at Nicholas and she smirked a little at his comment. “I highly doubt anything Freddie would make would be edible” she joked back to him softly. She looked over at Freddie for a moment before she laid her head back against her husband's chest.

Freddie overheard Nicholas and Mercedes, he didn’t crack a smile though the joke was actually very funny. Instead he simply stood there swapping glances with her and looking straight ahead once more.

Al looked at her and tilted his head “yeah she’ll do anything for your knuckle head son, including endanger us” he replied easily. “I think Nicholas is ahead of you in those regards” he breathed, when his wife cut in he sighed and went on to pace more.

Donna looked to the woman, holding her hand back lovingly. “Yes that is most important” she chimed looking at the back of her husband's head. “She isn’t due for another few weeks, but they say that both are fine. It was a little rocky at first” she breathed. “Which I could imagine, whoever these people are nearly scared the girl to death”.

“Of course” Al replied back to Bernice easily. Then being alive those were the least of his worries. It was keeping them alive. “Now to keep them alive…”

Nicholas chuckled, and nodded respectfully to the bodyguard. “He might surprise both of us.” He said quickly. Freddie was devoted to his wife, which in their current situation meant more than the money they had stored away. He rubbed Mercedes' shoulder, trying to wash away what doubt he could. “Red, are you feeling better? I need to step outside and talk to your father for one second.”

Bernice clicked her tongue. “Well birds of a feather.” She said, giving Al a knowing look. No matter what Al said the whole thing still didn’t sit right with her. “Yes.. but?” she said struggling with the puzzle in her mind. She turned, giving Doona her full attention. “Good,” she breathed sighing with relief. “I can’t imagine how she feels.” She said looking toward the door. “I bet she doesn’t want any company right now”. Bernice’s head looked to Al seriously. He was right and the bigger question was why were they left alive in the first place.

Mercedes chuckled a little at his comment, glancing at Freddie once more. She felt comfort in his subtle arm caress in the moment. “I’m fine, you can go,” she said, nodding her head at him. She knew her husband well enough to know that being out there on the streets would comfort him far more than being in this hospital room waiting for their son to make his debut. There was still so much work to be done and he wouldn’t rest until it was completed.

Al halted and turned around slowly, he didn’t want to act as he naturally would giving the woman’s comment however this was not the time or place he was too on edge.

Donna looked at Bernice and said “I was in there examining things not long ago” she chuckled lightly. “Mercedes is a bull after all, I highly doubt she needs us. But would also never turn us away” she breathed.

Al allowed his wife to finish her cute little banter before he moved towards Bernice and excused her. Grabbing the woman by her shoulder she stood her up and said “Bernice have a walk with me dear” easily as he gestured the direction with his hand.

Nicholas gazed into his wife’s deep green eyes as she gave him leave. “I’m not leaving.” he said plainly. “I just want to get an update status on what’s going on at the house and check in with Paul. Ten minutes tops.” He felt compelled to explain his actions to his wife, something he’d never felt before.

Bernice grinned. “You raised an amazing woman. I’ll be right here until we hear our grandbaby cry. Whatever Tiny needs.” She flinched, surprised by Al’s hand on her shoulder. “Of course.” She said as if she had a choice and rose. “Excuse me Donna.” she said respectfully.

Mercedes shifted in the bed again as the on-set of another contraction surged and she nodded her head “okay” she told him softly. “I’m okay” she reminded him, he never explained himself she didn’t know why he was doing so now. She understood the motive behind departing to seek her father even as she grabbed the rail again and inhaled deeply.

“Aw, thank you” Donna said before Al walked over, she looked at him before pulling her eyes away and turning her head. She didn’t bother to reply back to Bernice thanks to her husband’s intrusion.

Al offered a fake smile to the woman and began to walk, tugging her along with him. “Birds of a feather huh?” he asked her in a hushed tone.

Nicholas shifted as Mercedes began to cling to the arm rest. “Another one huh?” He asked stupidly, feeling helpless for the second time tonight. He stayed in place rubbing her back gently waiting for the contraction to pass.

Bernice walked quickly to keep up with Al. She huffed silently as schooling her face to calm as she realized what was bothering him. “Yes Al. It’s clear Nicholas and Tiny will do anything to protect one another. That’s all I meant.” she replied honestly.

Mercedes nodded her head at Nicholas as she tried to breathe through the contraction, arching her back a little. She closed her eyes for a moment before she opened them looking up at the ceiling above her. She released he railed and grabbed his hand instead squeezing it for dear life “mm” she grunted softly before she exhaled.

Al looked to the woman before he dropped his hand placing them in his pockets. “Is that so….” he said, looking at the side of her face again. “Don’t play with me woman, I am on edge right now” he told her. “I planned to pass the torch over to her as soon as this kid drops, but now I have all of this mess to clean up” he barked in a quiet tone. “The last thing I need is a smart ass lip from you or Donna!” he said screeched, voice rising with each word he was so angry.

Bernice’s head dropped. “I’m sorry if I misspoke. I didn’t think” She confessed. “It’s been a long day for all of us.” Her stomach fell. This wasn’t the time for Al to retire. The family would fall apart without him. “I know.. I am sorry. This isn’t what you wanted but this may be what Tiny needs to really prepare to take over.

Al looked at the woman “it’s alright” he said calming down. At her moment he sighed “I don’t know” he said to her seriously as he rubbed his forehead.

Bernice's heart pounded her chest. This was no time to piss Al off. Especially now that it appeared to be off of Nicholas. "You are the only person who lead the family right now. You know this is true."

Al looked at Bernice, “Mercedes was a lot of things and now in a few hours she would have gone and made herself a got damn mother. She doesn’t even want to be a part of the family anymore. Can you believe that?!” He said. “She doesn't want to be Don,” he said irritatedly.

Bernice covered her mouth in feigned shock. She had heard this before. Though at the time she did believe it was true. “You believe her?” She questioned genuinely interested in his mindset. She shook her head lightly, “I believe at some point in time all the kids dream of something different. Maybe she’s just experiencing those aspirations later in life?” Bernice did ponder another question… How did Rebecca feel about all of this? Since she was in the stew pot… “What about Rebecca. I mean right now she is the underboss?”

Al paused sighing “yes, because I know her” he told the woman “she’s determined and she gets what she wants” he breathed. “Rebecca will get over it, I just-“ he shook his head. “Mercedes is a better fit to lead, she knows what it means to rule with an iron fist… and” he sighed “carry a little care for those around her rather she shows it or not” he said.

"I see." Bernice nodded, deferring to the Don's knowledge of his children. Even if she held her own reservations to the contrary. He'd lead the family to long to doubt his assessment now. "I can see that. She was about to have me killed at their engagement party. " she chuckled thinking about the girl.

At the woman’s comment Al furrowed his brows “is that right?” he asked her, not having known about that.

Bernice actually giggled, dropping her head then shaking out her red curled ringlets. “Don't seem so shocked. I'm sure you've wanted to end my life from time to time. She is your child. Anyway," brush past her comments. “I can see what you mean about Tiny. I guess now only time will tell."

“I’ve desired other things, that was never one” Al corrected, looking back behind them and he nodded. “Yes” he sighed “time” he replied back to her as he moved to retrace their steps back towards his wife.

Bernice sighed and left the comment to hang in the air. Al was a very dangerous man even after all their years of acquaintance, she had to walk a line with man, the key was never be caught off guard or alone. She nodded shaking her head in agreement with the Don.

Nicholas glanced at the clock on the wall. Wasn't there a way to time contractions. He thought standing now by the side of the bed. "Ummm… you sure they can't give something? Freddie go get the nurse."

“I don’t want anything,” Mercedes said, blowing out a large breath of air. “Freddie don’t you move” she snapped. “I can do this without medical intervention” she said as she shifted against the bed again, dropping her head back against the pillow as her contraction subsided.

Nicholas stood dumbfounded, sighing heavily he shook head from side to side. "You are being stubborn." He smirked, then leaned down and kissed her lips. "I like it. I'll be right back." Nicholas strolled to the door, looking back only briefly as went. The door clicked softly behind him and he looked up shocked to see his mother. "I thought I told the family to lay low." He said, looking to his mother.

Bernice stepped beside Donna, when Nocholas emerged from the hospital room. She chuckled lightly, "You weren't talking to me." She said simply. "Can I go in to see Tiny?"

Nicholas' growled, jaw tightening. He didn't answer his mother. Instead he turned to Al. "A word," he asked, tilting his head in the opposite direction to where the women were seated.

Al looked towards Nicholas as he surfaced, he looked between him and his mother as they bantered before he nodded his head. He began walking hands in his pockets as he did.

Nicholas swept the hall with his eyes physically counting the men present. Shaking his head slowly, took to quick steps to catch up with the Don, ducking his head in deference. "Did they find anything we can use at the house?" He asked as he walked beside the man.

Bernice scoffed, "the joys of having a capo for a son never stop." He exhaled and looked to Donna, "Shall we. Tiny may believe she needs Nicholas, but we both know that a lie." She said, standing she moved to the door and knocked, slipping her head in, "can I come in?"

Al looked at Nicholas and shook his head “no” he breathed simply to the man. “Gone without a trace” he said honestly. “I am sure they left the same way they came, like thieves in the night…”

Donna looked to Bernice and smirked at the woman’s words “why not” she said as she looked to stand up, grabbing her hand bag.

Mercedes shifted, pulling herself upright in the bed and tossing up her hand when Freddie’s foot moved. “I’m fine” she reminded him with a huff as she stretched her short body a bit, her back aching. When she heard the knock she looked to see her mother-in-law and she nodded “yeah” she told her.

Nicholas paused and sighed hand running through his hair, watching as his mother and Donna disappeared into Mercedes' room. "Dammit! All we got is the Russians. I'd say let’s set up a meeting but at this point we’d just walk into a trap." He said thinking more out loud than anything else. Frustrated the leaned against the wall, licking his lip nervous at what he was about to propose. "Al I think once the baby is born, I should take Mercedes away for a while." He said in hushed tones.

Bernice grinned as she moved into the room. Immediately she grimaced. "You need more pillows." She said shaking her head and moving to buzz the nurse.

Al folded his arms over his chest as Nicholas went off on a tangent, he didn’t interrupt instead he let the man speak. And then when he was done he nodded his head “I won’t fight you on that” he said shockingly. He expected her to drop her kid and get back to work however, that wasn’t going to happen obviously.

Donna followed behind Bernice, looking at Mercedes before she found her seat knowingly.

Mercedes looked at Bernice as she came into the room and she shook her head at the woman. “I’m fine” she told her quietly.

Bernice tilted her head quizzically backing away from the phone. "Okay…" she sighed. Hand going to the middle of her back she rubbed it in remembrance of old pain. Clapping her hands together, "Well, dear… ready or not. Is there anything you need?" She asked looking at Donna who had found a seat by the bed.

"Listen, I know it's not what you want but you didn't …." Nicholas cut his prepared argument, face shocked. "You agree?" He intoned in a voice mixture of shock, disbelief, and relief. "Good." He said exhaling, hands going to his knees. “Good. I think the fewer people who know we have left the better. We’ll start out at the safe house I’ve set up then move from there.”

As Bernice spoke Mercedes inhaled and exhaled evenly, shaking her head at the woman. “Uh, uh” she managed to exhale as another contraction wrecked through her. “I’m peachy” she growled, closing her eyes and resting her head back against the bed.

“Didn’t what?” Al questioned “see tons of bodies scattered across your estate?” he asked. “Pay the NYPD thousands to keep their damn mouths closed?” he pressed. “See the hide out you stuffed her in that didn’t do much hiding?” he glared. “Newborns are hard work just how do you plan to run off into no man’s land with one?”

Bernice nodded as she watched the girl clearly in pain. "First children are always the hardest. I'm glad you're up for the challenge. D’onofrio are stubborn son of bitches like to play rent in your womb." She said hold on to the bed rails.

Nicholas bite down on his hard enough to draw blood. The metallic taste of life and death serving as a calming agent against the onslaught of calamities his father in law hurled at him. He ducked his head and kicked at something imagined on the floor, "I have another safe house it's real off the books. It's in a quiet place homey." He shrugged "She'll like it there."

“Yeah well I am married to one so that isn’t shocking” Mercedes said to the woman before she leaned upright again. With her head of hair a mess of wild curls she finger combed them to one side and looked over at Donna with green eyes. Her eyes moved to Bernice again and she said “how long were you in labor with Nicholas?” curiously.

Al looked at Nicholas, turning away from him and saying “I see” with a head nod. “Nothing to fight you on here” as he moved to walk away. “Is that all you wanted?” he asked him “I’d like to go smoke a cigar now” he told him.

Bernice moved to fluff Mercedes pillows as the girl sat up. She sighed heavily after a moment tapping her finger on the bed rail. "Nicholas? I was in labor for 36 hours with him." She said, shaking her head. “In the end they ended up giving me a Csection."

“36 hours?!” Mercedes said back to the woman, the pain subsided and her body relaxed tension leaving it. “A c-section” she breathed as she looked down at her rounded stomach in the bed. She looked back up at her mother, worry in her face now.

“Well yes. You shouldn’t worry though everyone’s labor experience is different. Personally I admire you gusto. With my first the luxury of painkillers wasn’t offered. I learned better with the last of my children.” She patted Mercedes' hand softly. “How is the breathing going for you. Is it helping much?”

Nicholas turned towards the wall, holding himself off the surface with his knuckles. The pain in his leg was starting to spike despite his attempts to keep the pain at bay. One thing down and a hundred to go. He turned and looked at Al’s retreating form, for the first time in life starting to feel that another life was just what the doctor ordered. “Thank you for your time sir.” He said, standing up straight.

“Yep” Al replied, reaching into his coat pocket for a cigar. He flicked it upwards acknowledging the boy as he continued to walk down the hall.

Mercedes eyes left Donna and moved to Bernice again. “Uh” she said with a light shrug as she laid back “I guess it helps a little” she told her. “I don’t want to be here for 36 hours doing this dance with him but I guess I could” she breathed.

Donna looked between the two before she said “12 tops with Rebecca, no drugs, and no Al” she said, looking at the girl.

Slinking up the hall with an air of complete self possession Rebecca appeared. She glanced at her father who was moving towards her but did not stop. Yes she was here to report to the Don, but she want to see her sister. She moved past the guard and opened the door to Tiny’s room. She chuckled hearing her name. "What did they say about the devil?" She said standing in the doorway.

Nicholas’ scowl deepened then hit the floor. Ice cold rage entering his body as he saw Rebecca. He moved past Al, a deliberate stride, wondering what had happened to bring her out of hiding.

Donna looked up to see Rebecca and she smirked fondly “speaking of” she replied to the girl.

Mercedes looked to see Rebecca and despite her attempt the smile never reached her face. Why was she here out of all people? Yes, her acting at her wedding was pretty good but this. This happened to be different. She all but tried to destroy their marriage so why celebrate the birth of their first child.

The door shut as Rebecca moved over to her mother's side, laughing. "Well, I'm sure I was joy enough." She said She bending to kiss Donna's cheek lovingly. Straightening, "Bernice…" she nodded focusing on Mercedes. "This all seems fitting. You were the baby doll type." She committed crossing her arms over her chest.

Nicholas entered the room at full speed. circling the door he eyed Rebecca cautiously. "Anything to report?" He asked looking at his wife, then back to Rebecca.

Mercedes looked to Donna and then Rebecca, again she tried to laugh or smile but it didn’t reach. Instead she made it apparent how she truly felt by stating “the very dolls you stopped at nothing to destroy… I suppose dear sister” she breathed. Inhaling and exhaling, she finally looked up at her and peered into her eyes. When Nicholas showed she looked at him and shook her head “not really” she breathed.

Rebecca shrugged, “Kids will be kids. I was acting out.” She said, reflectively, “Forgive me, I went from being a spoiled only child to a big sister without warning. You can’t still hold that against me?” She asked cutting off when Nicholas entered the fray. “Brother in law…” She smirked, “Nothing. Outside of what you all already know. I was able to find out that most of the thugs were hired guns, with only the main group being Russian. They used them as cannon fodder for the most part. After that I thought it was only right I come here to support the family.”

Nicholas clenched his teeth, trying hard to relax. He moved to Mercedes placing a protective hand on her forearm, nodding as Rebecca spoke. “Do you need anything?” He asked quietly to his wife, brushing her hair back with his free hand. He looked back to Rebecca, “You should go give that report to Al. I’m sure he’ll want to know.

Donna shifted in her seat looking between Mercedes and Rebecca, she was deciding if she were going to speak up or be quiet. As long as she could remember the two had been at each other’s throats.

Mercedes raised a brow, before she scrunched her face in disgust “oh forgive me” she stressed agitatedly. “I forgot at 9 months old I asked your father to do that” she snapped.

“Mercedes” Donna breathed tenderly before she looked at Rebecca. “Rebecca, your sister is in active labor do you think this is the time or place to put on a show?” she asked her with a tilted head. “Yes, your father would love to hear that” she said agreeing with Nicholas, offering the room a smile.

Mercedes eyes rolled over to Donna, just mere moments ago she was facing death to then venture off into motherhood weeks before her actual deadline and here Rebecca was being the usual annoyance she always was. She took the time to sink in the bed, ignoring the contraction she was having. She wouldn’t give Rebecca that satisfaction right now. Looking at Nicholas she shook her head at him, looking down at nothing in particular as she inhaled sharply through her nose.

“And I did?” Rebecca countered in the space of a moment. “Contrary to what you think I’m not here to argue with you. I know I’ve been less than perfect. I’m trying to change.” Her hand went to her mother’s shoulder as her full mouth went into a sad little pout. She folded in on herself visibly in front of everyone. “Yes… I suppose you are right. Brother-in-law” She stressed tossing her hair lightly over her shoulder she quickly moved to the door and exited the room. Outside she took in a deep breath, the move to where her father was smoking. “Father.”

Bernice watched the going ons with the cool disconnection that was completely fake. Her ears were alert while her eyes studied Nicholas and Mercedes with a mother's concern on face.

Nicholas rubbed his hand down Mercedes back, "thank you, I believe talking to Al would be best. Underboss." He ended using her formal title. Despite the complete lack of respect he felt. Turning completely to his mother now. "Is everyone safe. We don't know what these people want… at least tell me you did that much."

At her words Mercedes raised a brow, her mouth twisted in disgust as she thought about the audacity of Rebecca’s lie. “Right” she said simply in response as she shifted her body again, still fighting against her pesky contraction. When the woman left she growled lowly to herself, releasing another harsh breath as Nicholas unhelpfully rubbed her back.

“Rebecca” Donna replied to the girl’s remark, as she went on she nodded her head. “That’s a good girl,” she said, patting the girl’s hip lovingly. She watched the girl go and she rested back against her seat again.

Al stood out front, just down the hall from everyone, he sighed in the cool air. Using his lighter to relight the cigar he heard Rebecca and looked up “the kid is here?” he asked, prepared to finish her statement as he turned to her, eyeing over.

Rebecca looked back at the door, shaking her head. “No the kid takes after his mother he will come when he is good and ready. Needless to say, I’m not exactly welcomed in there.” She shrugged softly then looked back to her father. “We’ve cleaned up as much as we could at their home and are running down the connection to local dead guys. We’ve got the Mitchel brother under surveillance. An easy amount of the hired guys were from their crew. Would you like us to talk to them?”

Bernice rolled her eyes. “Nicholas this isn’t my first war. Calm down. If they wanted us they would have hit us before you guys, or at the same time. Don’t be foolish.” She fuseed, She said, watching Mercedes struggle through a contraction. “Besides, do you actually think I would miss the birth of my grandchild. I’ve never missed one and I refuse to start now.” she said sheepishly, her eyes rose to meet Nicholas again. “Everyone but Paul has been placed underlock and key,” She finally said, moving around the bed to stand by her son’s side. “You just be here. At this moment. Okay?”

“Mother?” Nicholas fussed, not backing down. She alway thought she was the smartest of them all and that bothered him greatly. “You don’t know for sure what any of this is or what will happen. None of us do. Don’t be so flippant”. He relaxed only marginally as she finally offered the information he wanted to know. “Must you always be you.” He sighed, “I’m here mother. Can someone please go tell the nurse to give her something, or at least come in and let us know if everything is okay.” He said finger raking through his hair.

Al chuckled at Rebecca lightly, “why not?” he asked her “your sister needs your support now more than ever” he said honestly. “That shit can’t be easy, no matter the woman or her measured strength,” he said with a headshake. As she went on to tell him something he’d actually like to hear he nodded slowly “mhm” he said processing what she had said. “Yes” he told her with a head nod. “Do just that” he said exhaling a cloud of smoke.

Mercedes swallowed thickly and she shook her head “I don’t need anything Nicholas” she groaned, a whimper escaping her before the pain subsided. She exhaled slowly, one of her hands moving to her stomach pressing flatly against its roundness. “Okay” she said catching her breath “that was like a 9 out of 10” she said nodding her head.

Donna looked between the son and mother, much like watching a tennis match she only pulled her eyes and ears away when she heard Mercedes struggles. She stood up and moved a little closer “maybe you should have them give you something” she said softly. “It’s not a sign of weakness, just alleviate some pain” she suggested. “I’ll go get a nurse,” she told them. It was obvious why they were slow to budge, they knew who they were and anybody who did feared them.

Rebecca regarded her father for a long moment, the old bastard, wasn’t there even for her birth and now he had the nerve to expound on what his bastard needed. She kicked at nothing on the floor, then looked back up. “Old wounds die hard father.” she said simply. “Old wounds.” She waited dutifully as he mulled over her idea, then nodded quickly as he gave his approval. “Consider it done.” She said, already back away from the man. “I’ll let you know what we find out.”

Nicholas rolled his eyes grinding his teeth at his wife's continued resistance to medicine. “Baby... “ he said, trying to keep the base out of his voice. “I agree with your mother,” He said then added “Thank you Donna.”

Mercedes watched her mother disobey her and she looked at Nicholas “I can do this” she stressed to him. “All the stuff we’ve witnessed, we’ve done, like tonight for instance” she told him “I can push out this baby on my own” she said, if she said it enough she would convince herself of just that eventually. “And it is a sign of weakness” she corrected sadly lip quivering, turning her head from him.

Nicholas touched his mother’s hand, lightly. “Leave us for a moment.” he told the woman, eyes only on Red.

Bernice inhaled, then nodded knowingly to her son. “Donna wait up, I’d like to have a word with that nurse as well”.

Nicholas rounded the bed, and pulled over the chair sitting down to rest his leg. “Red.” he said restlessly, “what’s this about? We have the best staff in the world here to help you deliver this child. Why are you being so damn stubborn? Is this natural birth shit really what you want to do?” he asked, feeling a little guilty this was the first time he’d even thought about this aspect.

Mercedes watched Bernice leave and she looked down at the bed she was in, when Nicholas pulled up beside her she looked at him as he spoke. She sighed softly and said “I did a lot of research and it’s better for the baby and I” she told him at first. Which wasn’t a lie at all if she were to be honest with him. However she went on “I don’t know” she answered back to him getting emotional, yet again. “It’s just, while he’s in here I can protect him from some things, but once he’s out” she cried “I don’t know” she said shaking her head as she wiped a few tears. “I’m scared” she admitted “I didn’t really know what to expect and I didn’t imagine it like this” she cried to her husband as a hiccup left her. “I-I-” she stammered working herself up “didn’t picture i-i-t going like t-this” she said her hand covering her wet eyes, her other gripping the bed’s railing as another contraction wrecked through her.

Nicholas sat back and let Red explain herself. He nodded softly, unable to argue against what she was saying. He didn’t know if it was true or not. As she came down to the heart of her feelings, he swallowed then looked to Freddie before he reached for his wife’s fingers, “Shhh,” He squeezed her hands. “Hey… this might not be your dream situation. But even you have to admit, having both your baby daddys here is a blessing.” He waited for her to gather herself, “We are leaving as soon as the baby is born. Far away from here and all the bullshit. You don’t have to be scared. Not anymore.” He promised.

Mercedes dropped her hand as Nicholas reached for her fingers, squeezing her hand and she sniffled hard. At his joke she looked over at Freddie and then “not funny” she said softly those I was amusing. As he went on she looked at him, she couldn’t tell if he was just saying that to her to calm her down or what. So she shook her head a little wiping her tears a little more “yeah right” she said quietly as she exhaled softly the pain subsiding, she laid her head back on the pillow shifting down a bit as she looked at Nicholas, lacing their fingers together.

“Yes it is. You and I both know he’s going to change way more diapers than I ever will.” Nicholas continued, not joking in the least. “No.. I told you we were going to leave the house and got raided. I almost lost you. I am a lot of things but a fool isn’t one of them. We are leaving. Just get our son here safe and sound and we’ll have a new house safe from harm.”

Freddie looked over to the both of them, wondering if Nicholas was actually telling the truth and what it all meant. As they went on he looked down for a moment before he looked back, raining a stone wall despite.

Mercedes held Nicholas hand close, chuckling a little at his words “Freddie has 3 kids, he should be a pro” she breathed looking over at him before she looked at Nicholas again. She dried her eyes a little more before she nodded her head at him slowly “okay” she said reasoning with him, her other hand moving to her stomach. “I can do that,” she said softly, calming down and letting some of the nervousness melt away.

Donna stood before the nurses station “my concern is the strain” she vocalized “and the fact that originally when he got here both her and the babies vitals were alarming” she added. “Remember, her blood pressure” she pointed. “She thinks she doesn’t need the drugs, but mother knows best,” she said with a small smile.

“Three kids…” Nicholas whistled looking at the silent man. “I had no idea. Wow.” He kept her hand in his and leaned back in the chair, “I know you can. Mercedes you're about to be a mother… The best mother. Strong and sure… quiet as it’s kept, I got the feeling you’re going to be a lot like my mother. Which I find sort of scary.” He said looking towards the hospital door.

Bernice stood beside Donna red nails clicking on the counter of the nurses station. Donna’s nice yet threatening approach was another feather in the ladies hat. She really did like the sweet woman. “You heard Mrs. M dear. Get off your ass while you still have one.” She add with a smirk.

XXX

Despite everyone’s protest hours earlier, now at the tail end of this never ending battle Mercedes regret choosing to ignore those protests. Her mother-in-law had jinxed her, or cursed her depending on who you asked. At a whopping 23 hours she still found herself battling with their unborn son. He was proving to honestly be just like his mother and father “whew” left Mercedes in a strangled groan as she huffed through the now excruciating pain. And as if 23 hours wasn’t far too long to punish someone she sat their 9 centimeter, just 1 shy of victory and her son hadn’t budged in an hour. She told herself in the moment sweat pouring from her forehead that if she survived this “I am never doing this again” in a deep growl, squeezing Nicholas' hand as hard as her body allowed.

Nicholas bared his teeth, trying to endure the pain this wife was inflecting on his hand. The time for witty exchanges had left hours ago. All he wanted was his son, a shower and sleep. And at this point, the order of those wants were switching by the second. With bloodshot eyes, that bore a hole in the nurse who stood at the foot of the bed, “This can’t be normal… isn’t there something you can do?”

The nurse's eyes peered past the man, she looked to check Mercedes vitals as well as their son’s before she looked back down. “He’s fine” she said tugging her gloves off “I can see the top of his head” she commented. She moved to page her doctor. After she had done so she grabbed a new pair of gloves. “Here let’s get you ready” she said to Mercedes, the girl assisted in getting Mercedes feet in the stirrups before she attentively dried sweat from the woman’s neck and face. “You are doing so good, a trooper to go this long with no epidural” she commented calmly.

Mercedes released Nicholas' hand and grabbed the beds railing, her back arching slightly as she released another loud groan. At the girl's statement and page, she looked down, releasing another groan. “I’m never doing this again,” she said shaking her head “never doing this again, never doing this again” her words a jumbled plea for help, laced with exhaustion, and agony. As the girl positioned her the way that she needed her Mercedes tried to regain some strength and sanity. “Oh” she cried as her back arched again, she continued to grip the railing on the bed as she inevitably fell into temptation and began to push. Bearing down she didn’t wait for further instruction truly, whatever she was doing came naturally and it was edging her closer to some relief.

“The head?” Nicholas exclaimed, trying to look and backing away at the same time. “Next time say something. Standing there all mute and shit.” Confused he stood by the side of the bed dumbfounded as Mercedes was helped into a new position. “Yeah, baby you are doing great.” He added lamely, feeling a nervousness that hadn’t been there two seconds ago. “I’m here. Just breathe okay… Should she be pushing?” He asked, wondering where the doctor was. “Doesn’t a doctor need to be in here?”

“His head” the girl repeated, rounding the bed the young girl proceeded to set up what was necessary for the doctor ignoring his other remark. She looked at Nicholas and then Mercedes “he’ll be here any moment, don’t worry. It’s fine, she’s doing what her body requires… naturally” she said calmly to him. When she was done she moved back to Mercedes and nodded her head pleasantly “you are doing amazing” she breathed happily offering Mercedes her hand if she needed it. Her eyes moved back down between the woman’s legs watching closely before she heard the door open behind them and the older guy rush in. She only parted ways with Mercedes to assist him, gearing him up.

Mercedes exhaled loudly as she laid her head back on the bed looking at Nicholas with eyes that screamed either be supportive or get your ass out. He told her she was doing good however it went through one ear and out the other “I” she breathed deeply “am going to make you go stand in a corner if you don’t leave her alone” she snapped at him, eyes deadly. When her doctor showed she huffed loudly, puffing her cheeks out. “I thought you were going to miss all of the fun” she told the man her back arching again.

The older guy moved into the room as quickly as his legs carried, truthfully somewhere down the line a nap was needed. Imagine being held hostage at your place of work for a full 20+ hours. Mercedes wasn’t the only person exhausted, was all he could say to this current situation. When he entered he geared up with the help of the nurse and rolled some gloves on. Hearing Mercedes he chuckled lightly “of course not, I was contemplating grabbing us some pop and pizza to bring to the party” he joked lightly as he sat before her. “You are doing good, next contraction give us a big push” he told her happily.

Nicholas raised an eyebrow, but let the girl slide as he focused more on his Mercedes words. He nodded quietly, feeling out of his element entirely. He took the off handed dismissal on the head and moved out the way to allow the newly arrived doctor and the nurse to do the job they had been paid for. Easing to the foot of the bed he stood near Freddie, and scrubbed his hand down his pants then thread his fingers into his hair.

“How thoughtful of you” Mercedes said back to the doctor before she beared down, her hand still gripped the bed’s railing for dear life. Her other slid to the back of her thigh as she pushed roughly against the contraction, a strangled cry left her before she pressed her lips in a tight line. “Oh my goodness” she said, her head falling back against the pillows behind it. “Oh” she groaned, looking down between her legs.

The older man smirk at Mercedes adjusting the mask on his face a little before he watched as the woman pushed with all of her might. He shifted on the stool a little arms extended as he helped to guide the newborn’s head. “Good,” he said cheerfully, “his head is out,” he said to her. “Next contraction he should be out” he told the woman as he reached for the suction, suctioning the boy’s nose and mouth carefully.

The nurse grabbed a blanket and gently laid it across Mercedes' chest carefully, when she started pushing again she made sure to have the examination area prepped for when the baby is born. She moved to grab a pair of gloves and she handed them to Nicholas, moving to push the man right back at Mercedes' side, a little lower even so that he didn’t miss the show or finale. After all these hours of annoying them to death over the woman he thought he was going to stand on the side lines? Oh no, he was going to be all in today. “He’s almost here…” she reminded him.

Nicholas could run the world. Kill a man without flinching, but standing in this room watching his wife give birth he was helpless. Taking the gloves hesitantly, he slipped his long fingers into the glove without prodding. Cutting the umbilical cord was a dad thing, at least in the movies it was. Gloved, he stood like an out of place rag doll while the nurse and doctor cheered Red on. The experience was too wild for him to take it all in.

Freddie’s eyes stayed focused straight ahead as Tiny along with the help of staff worked diligently to bring the child into the World.

Mercedes groaned softly before she beared down and pushed against her contraction once more. Using all the strength she had to muster, she gripped the railing extremely hard as pushed the child out in two tries. Mercedes rested back against the bed releasing the rail finally as she looked down.

Mercedes’ doctor sat there watching the child as his mother pushed him out with ease. When Nicholas' hands were gloved he shifted over a little to allow the man to catch the little boy. “Right here, just cup your hands” he directed.

Watching the tall man put the gloves on the woman brought him closer to his wife, moving him closer to the view of their son and when she did she gestured with her head. “Go on” she encouraged him without much thought.

Nicholas’ head swivelled away from the happenings, as his rooted feet struggled to remain in place as the nurse pushed him south of the Mason Dickson line. ‘Was this normal protocol.’ He thought wildly, now standing beside the doctor. Nicholas looked oddly at the doctor’s face. He wanted him to catch the baby? His eyes tracking down to the doctor’s cupped hands. Yep! That was the plan. Nicholas squatted slightly, for a better position, for a moment more a man taking instruction from a coach than a father to be. The doctor helped support the baby’s neck as he reached down to catch the rest of the body. Hand holding his son's tiny body the Capo, killer, looking up to Red’s haggard and speechlessly grinned. He went back to the baby’s face, hands sure now. He’d never drop him. He laughed out loud, what sounded like a half sob. And before he knew it, he had all of his son’s long body in his hands. He huffed out more laughing sobs, “Hey boy.” He said, still holding him tightly.

Mercedes shifted slightly, her eyes falling on her husband as he held the now screaming bundle in his hands. They swapped glances and she smirked softly to herself, a tear she was unaware of rolling down her cheek at the sight of their son. He happened to be the picture of perfection and far more magical than she expected, it was hard to believe even now that she had carried him for nearly nine months in her womb.

The nurse smirked at the man, she moved towards him with a warm blanket and gestured her head towards his wife. “If you hand him over you can help us with something else” she breathed preparing to offer the man the surgical scissors he’d use to cut the boy’s umbilical cord. When the man feet finally carried him to his wife she’d wrap the bundle up, clean him off a bit and let the doctor and new father do their jobs.

Nicholas beamed down at the little screaming bundle in his hands. The yells were strong and loud, everything a D’onofrio should be. Instantly, everything in Nicholas' life was changed. The nurse got his attention and Nichlas looked over the woman as if she was the novice. He laid the baby in her hands slowly, reluctantly then gave the woman a warning look. He took the scissor then followed the doctor's instructions cutting his son free from his first home, with steady hands. Comfortable in the role he’d play in his son’s life from this point forward. He handed over the scissors then took off his gloves, moving up to Mercedes side. He leaned in and kissed her softly on the forehead. “Thank you.” He whispered into her hair. “He is absolutely perfect.”

The young girl smirked at the dazed man, it was amusing to her. It was as if everything he needed in life was suddenly handed to him. She moved the crying bundle towards his mother, rocking him gently as he did. She rested him on his mother’s chest, which subsequently quieted him a lot. She made sure he was bundled, knowing how very important it was for a child to be in its mother's arms the second it breathed life.

Mercedes watched as the wailing child was placed on her chest and she looked down at him. His red skin as loud as his scream she pecked him sweetly quieting him down, her hand instinctively moving to his small back as she rubbed him lovingly. When Nicholas moved towards her, her sparkling eyes looked up at his. He kissed her on the forehead which only made her eyes close as she basked in it. He whispered thank you and she opened them nodding at him slowly, his statement made her look down at the boy again. “Did you hear that Michael?” she sweetly said to the baby “you are absolute perfection, mommy and daddy are so happy you are finally here” she said kissing his tiny pink lips.

Nicholas reached down stroking the tiny fingers of his son’s hands. “Michael…” He repeated, the shocked expression in his tone. He cleared his throat, and tried to speak, then licked his lips, steadying his broken and heavy voice. He fought back tears, swallowing a huge lump in his throat. “Michael.” He repeated once more, wrapping his arm around Red’s shoulder squeezing her to him closer.

Mercedes continued to watch the little boy, her hand rubbing his small back sweetly. She was in awe, she’d really birthed a baby and with Nicholas no less. She kissed the little boy’s forehead and smirked looking up at Nicholas again “mhm” she replied “Michael Nicholas D’onofrio” she breathed to him before she looked back down at the baby wiggling against her bosom.

#samcedes rp #thread: michael #thread.

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