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#vampire lisa
alethianightsong · 4 months
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Ok, so in the original Bram Stoker novel, sunlight is not lethal to Dracula. He just loses most of his powers. I'm bringing this up cuz I want a horror comedy where the hero, sensing dawn, tears off the curtains as a last-ditch effort only to have the vampire go "Aw shit, there goes most of my fancy powers. Guess I'll have to beat your ass the old-fashioned way" then proceeds to just deck the hero cuz a vampire at half-strength is still a fucking vampire.
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goryhorroor · 5 months
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horror sub-genres: comedy
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zegalba · 6 months
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Grillz by Lisa Michalik
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lovewitchdoll · 3 months
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Darling, only you are the life among the dead
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izzylimon · 25 days
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viccerys · 11 months
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Shadows of the past
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comfortablynumb · 3 months
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An incomplete list of characters that are trans because I said so:
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Luke Skywalker from Star Wars
Dipper Pines from Gravity Falls
The Creature from Lisa Frankenstein
Gomez and Morticia from the Addams Family
Claudia de Lioncourt from Interview with the Vampire
Daniel Molloy from Interview with the Vampire
Pandora and Regulus from Harry Potter: The Marauders Era
Will Solace from the Percy Jackson/Rick Riordan Universe
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killingdoll · 1 year
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I made a meme 😂
Happily excluding Lenore/Hector bc that relationship—if it qualifies as a relationship at all—is toxic from the very beginning
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excitementshewrote · 2 years
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ranmagender · 3 months
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We need more horror films directed/written by women
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crimsontangerine · 13 days
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Dr. Tepes is teaching his future wife monster vet care!
We also need a name for the poor goat
I would also like to introduce you to my Discord where you can read the comic easier!
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zegalba · 6 months
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Grillz by Lisa Michalik
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oliversrarebooks · 3 months
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The Rare Bookseller 90s AU: Lily's Rental
This came to me in a dream. I don't know how much of it I'm going to write, but I love the late 90s as a setting and couldn't resist.
Masterlist
tw: hypnosis, kidnapping
September 12, 1998
Lisa shook her can of Mountain Dew, dismayed that there didn't seem to be any more in it. She'd had three sodas tonight and was still struggling to stay awake.
She was working the late shift at the video store again, and she was really more bored than she was tired, the endless preview reel playing on the TV above her head doing little to hold her attention. She'd grown tired of the book she brought with her, she'd already restocked the candy and cleaned out the returns, and as she lived in a city that very much slept, there weren't a lot of customers so late on a weeknight.
Maybe no one would notice if she rested her head on the counter for just a few minutes and…
The sound of the door sliding open had her jerking back awake. "Welcome to Blockbuster, can I help you find anything?" she said on instinct.
"Well, you're a helpful one!" said the customer in an annoyingly cloying voice. "But we're just looking to browse the movies. Don't mind us."
She was wearing a floral sundress and tights, and looked a little too put-together for someone looking to rent a video at 11:40pm on a Tuesday. Trailing behind her was a man with a purple flannel shirt, a long blonde ponytail, and sunglasses perched on his head for some reason.
Far from the strangest people she saw in this job, of course.
"I'm feeling something with a lot of action," said the man as he walked deeper into the store. "What are you thinking?"
"I was thinking of -- ooh, no one told me Titanic was out on video!" The woman had stopped in front of the cardboard Titanic standee, apparently having lived under a rock until today.
"Did you somehow miss the nonstop ads on TV?" said the man, echoing Lisa's thoughts.
"I don't have time to watch that much TV. Some of us work for a living, you know," she said. "We have to rent this."
"Isn't it supposed to be four hours long? You know my attention span sucks."
"It'll be fine. I'll let you know when the interesting parts are happening."
Normally Lisa would mind her own business and not be especially interested in the usual chitchat of customers picking out movies, but right now it was the only thing keeping her alert. She idly flipped through a catalog as they talked.
The man picked up one of the many rental copies of Titanic and flipped it in his hands, a dubious look on his face. "I guess. And Lex might like it, he loves tragedy. It's cute when he's trying not to cry."
"I don't know, does Lex watch movies with color? You might blow his mind."
"I'm pretty sure he's still getting used to talkies."
"Anyway, I'm definitely getting this," said the woman. "And I think there's something else I'd like to take with me…"
Her tone of voice was a little strange. Lisa's brows furrowed in confusion as she pretended to be interested in winter fashion.
"Oh, right," the man said. "Brian wanted some video game. Ah, shit, what was it? I should've written it down. Final something."
"That's not what I'm talking about. Come on, Fitz, I want to show you something."
The two disappeared behind the rack of horror movies, their voices too low for Lisa to hear what they were saying. She was starting to get uneasy now. They were probably planning to shoplift, which was not at all the kind of excitement she was hoping for. Lisa ran her hand over the panic button on the underside of the counter, just in case.
The two split up and seemed to be browsing the movies. Lisa was keeping her eye on the man -- Fitz, what a goofy name -- who was over by the video game rentals, watching if he tried to slip one under his shirt. At the moment, he was staring at the video games as though they were some puzzle he needed to solve. This guy really didn't seem clever enough to get past our security, so maybe he was a distraction while --
"Hello, I had a question!" said the woman cheerfully. She had walked up to the front desk without Lisa even noticing, because she was too focused on the other customer.
It was probably part of their scheme -- the woman would distract the clerk, while the man stole video games. Lisa made a point of keeping her eye on Fitz while talking to her. "Sure, what do you need?"
"I was wondering if you have any good movies to help me sleep at night. Something calm… relaxing…" She yawned, and Lisa had to fight not to yawn along with her. "I have a hard time sleeping, and I take medicine that makes me so drowsy, so I could really use videos that will help me sleep."
"Um…" Lisa blinked slowly, feeling like her head was stuffed full of cotton. "We have some, um… some nature videos. Over there in the nature video section. Those are relaxing." God, she was way too fucking tired for this. She couldn't even think straight.
"Nature videos do sound relaxing. So, so relaxing." The woman's voice was very soothing, and her eyes were soothing too. "I think I might be able to fall asleep to a video of rain or waterfalls. Do you have anything else that would help me sleep? I get so tired this late at night."
Lisa yawned wide, and as oxygen hit her brain, she realized that she was being super unprofessional (not that she would get in trouble or anything) and that she had completely lost track of Fitz. Instead, she was gazing into this stranger's eyes, like that was a normal thing to do. "Well… uh…" she said, trying to tear herself away. "I think we probably have… like, lullaby videos for babies? In the kid videos. And we probably have some meditation videos over in the self-help section."
"Lullabies sound perfect," said the woman, a comforting smile on her face that made Lisa feel warm inside. "Lullabies are perfect when it's time for you to go to sleep. Don't you think so, Fitz?"
"I think you're right, Lily."
Lisa's hand was grasped by hands that were cold but incredibly soft. She realized that Fitz had also come up to the front desk, and was holding her hand for some bizarre reason. Before her sluggish thoughts could catch up to her and she could try to pull away, he began to rub a slow circle into her palm, and Lisa…
…just couldn't…
"There we go, sweet girl. You're so tired, aren't you? Tired and sleepy," said the woman. Lily.
"Mmm, she looks so drowsy. Like she could nod off at any second," Fitz agreed, as he stroked the palm of her hand so gently, a motion that seemed to steal away her focus and muddle her thoughts.
"Drowsy and docile. You'll be drowsy and docile for me, won't you?"
Fitz used his other hand to run his fingers down her jaw and tip her chin into his gaze. "You heard her. Drowsy and docile. Isn't that right?"
Lisa felt herself nod slowly. "Drowsy… and docile…" she said, her voice sounding like it was coming from a million miles away.
This wasn't right. There were alarms going off in the back of her mind, warning her of the danger. They were going to rob her. She was going to be in so much trouble. Why was she acting like this? Why couldn't she wake herself up?
"Shhh, shhh, just relax, dear," said Lily. "Everything's just fine. You're tired, aren't you? You just want to sleep."
"Go to sleep." Fitz's fingers traced down her neck. "Just go to sleep."
"I… I don't…" Lisa's vision was blurring, the buzzing fluorescent lights slipping in and out of her mind as her eyes began to close.
"It's okay, dear. Just have a little nap. You're safe with us. You can sleep."
"You look so, so tired. You want to shut those eyelids, don't you?"
"You do. You want to shut those heavy eyelids and go to sleep. It's time to sleep, dear. Sleep…"
Lisa, making a last ditch effort to resist whatever was happening here, pulled open her leaden eyelids. The new releases shelf was at an angle -- no, her head was tipped over, almost sinking onto the counter. Why couldn't she snap out of it, stay awake? It all felt like a dream -- not even the strangest dream she'd had about the shop.
"Poor sleepy girl," Lily whispered in her ear. "You're going to fall asleep now, all right? No more resisting, no more fighting, just a comfortable deep sleep."
The drowsiness was pouring into her from her hand and face where Fitz was touching her, like she was being drugged. Her thoughts strayed briefly to the panic button under the counter before her eyes shut and she slumped over completely. She just couldn't seem to stop herself from falling asleep…
"I've got her." Hands wrapped around Lisa's waist, and Fitz's voice was much closer now. "I can see why you wanted to take her. She smells delicious."
"I know good merchandise when I see it," said Lily.
Delicious? Merchandise? Lisa tried to stir.
"Shh, don't worry about it," said Lily, brushing hair out of Lisa's face. "Sleep tight. Pleasant dreams."
Lisa could feel herself being lifted in the air and carried, but she was too much asleep to protest or do anything about it.
"So I'm guessing we're taking her to the auction house, then?" said Fitz. "D'you think the Blockbuster's going to charge us a late fee if we don't return her?"
"Very funny, and yes, let's take her to the auction house. We can run a background check to make sure we haven't picked up anything too dangerous. I'm thinking she's going to fetch a nice payday," said Lily. "Oh, is this the video game your thrall wanted?"
"Hell if I know, but it's probably close enough. Could you grab that for me? Thanks."
Cool night air hit Lisa's face, waking her up just slightly as she realized she must be outside. Someone needs to close up the shop, she thought in a bleary daze. She heard a car door open.
"Stay with her in the back and keep her asleep, okay?"
"You're better at keeping thralls asleep. Are you sure you don't want to do it?"
"No, because I'm also better at driving. It'll be easier to keep her calm if we don't have you slamming the brakes and pounding the horn --"
"Oh c'mon, I only do that to people who deserve it."
The next thing Lisa knew, she was laying down. Her legs were only halfway on the seat and her head was in someone's lap. A chilled hand stroked her forehead and combed through her hair, and Lisa couldn't help but sink into it, losing herself.
"…could just take her home, you know."
"…don't think she's…"
"…don't you think she'd be a good match for…"
"…but she'd be worth…"
The voices slowly faded away as Lisa slipped deeper into slumber.
Masterlist
Stay tuned tonight for your regularly scheduled Bookseller update.
@d-cs @latenightcupsofcoffee @thecyrulik @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @wanderinggoblin
@whumpyourdamnpears @only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are @pressedpenn @pigeonwhumps @amusedmuralist
@xx-adam-xx @vampiresprite @irregular-book @whumpsoda @mj-or-say10 @pokemaniacgemini
@sowhumpshaped @whumpsday @morning-star-whump @silly-scroimblo-skrunkl
@steh-lar-uh-nuhs @pirefyrelight @theauthorintraining @whump-me-all-night-long @anonfromcanada
@typewrittenfangs @tessellated-sunl1ght @cleverinsidejoke @abirbable @ichorousambrosia
@a-formless-entity @gobbo-king @writinggremlin @the-agency-archives @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi
@enigmawriteswhump @foresttheblep @bottlecapreader @whump-on-a-string @whumpinthepot
@cinnamoncandycanes @avvail-whumps @tauntedoctopuses @secret-vampkissers-soiree @whatamidoingherehelpme
@strawbearydreams @ghost-whump @tippytappytyping @natthebatt @fire-bugg14
@fuckcapitalismasshole @slightlydisturbedbeans @paperprinxe @demetercabingreen-thumb
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bellacardoza16 · 2 months
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Melissa Barrera, Delainey Hayles, Liza Soberano you will always be famous to me! 🫶🏽💕🦇🧟‍♀️⚰️🧛🏽‍♀️ every time they were on screen as their characters I ate it up every time!
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blond-jerk-tourney · 8 months
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3rd place battle!!
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tattletale illustration is by u/monkeyjay on reddit
Propaganda from submitters Under Cut
Tattletale/Lisa Wilbourn
The ultimate high school mean girl. Has the super power of ‘cold reads your biggest secrets then hurts your feelings with them’. Grew up rich. Constantly manipulates all of her friends. Is generally manipulative. Is blond. She deserves to win this, 100%
Literal superpower is bullying people. Pissed off a good chunk of the most powerful people in the setting by being targetedly mean.
She's blonde. She's very mean
She is blonde. She is a supervillain. She uses her power to make superhumanly accurate guesses about how to best f*k with people.
TATTLETALE, SUICIDEBAIT HER !
I think of "jerk" as being a level of "unpleasant to interact with because they're rough" as opposed to "awful person", so I've got to vote Lisa on this one.
Spike
He is a jerk. He is Spike. Of course he is a jerk. And he is a walking paradox. He was bad, is bad, but got better. No you can't fix him, but you can love him for his efforts.
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dionysican · 1 month
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"(the mona lisa) is older than the rocks among which she sits; like the vampire, she has been dead many times, and learned the secrets of the grave." walter pater
armand as the mona lisa
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