#vic michaelis when i get you

[la-principessa-nuova]

Hi i just got dropout and was wondering what to start out with, any nice tips? :>

Depends what specifically you’re into. I watch everything on there now, and I would categorize Dropout’s content into a few categories, so I’ll break it down by category.

Game Changer and Spinoffs

I started with Game Changer, and I think that is a very good first Dropout show because it introduces you to a lot of the recurring cast members, and since the game changes every show, you can either join in on the latest season or start at the beginning to get all the recurring jokes.

Make Some Noise I enjoyed more once I’d become familiar with the people doing it from other shows (plus it’s a spinoff of Game Changer, so chronologically it would come some time after the Game Changer episode it’s based on).

As a former theater kid, I very much enjoy Play It By Ear. It’s improv musicals, so i feel like you either hear that and absolutely must see it or you heard that and know you absolutely don’t want to see it, lol.

The D20 section

If you’re into D&D or think you could be, Dimension 20 is my favorite thing on there, and you could definitely start with that if you’re up for the long episodes. I’d recommend starting at the beginning with Fantasy High. Personally I really liked going through all the seasons in order so I didn’t need to figure out which ones were sequels and spinoffs of other ones.

If you’re going to watch Dimension 20 definitely use the “The Complete Experience” versions that have the adventuring parties (talkback) in between the regular episodes.

The order of the seasons has occasionally been flipped around in a way that puts one of the spin offs before the season it spun off from, so here is the order of the seasons so far, with some symbols I’ll explain after:

Fantasy High [I, F]

Escape From the Bloodkeep

The Unsleeping City [I, U]

Fantasy High: Sophomore Year [I, F]

Tiny Heist

A Crown of Candy [I, C]

Pirates of Leviathan [F]

The Unsleeping City - Chapter II [I, U]

Mice & Murder

Misfits and Magic

The Seven [F]

Shriek Week

A Starstruck Odyssey [I]

Coffin Run

A Court of Fey & Flowers

Neverafter [I]

The Ravening War [C]

Dungeons and Drag Queens

Mentopolis

Burrow’s End

Fantasy High - Junior Year [I, F]

The letters in brackets mean:

I - Intrepid Heroes season (the players are the main cast of players from the first season)

F - Fantasy High (this season is in the Fantasy High universe)

U - The Unsleeping City (this season is in the Unsleeping City universe)

C - A Crown of Candy (this season is in the A Crown of Candy universe)

I believe adventuring party starts during A Crown of Candy, so there is no talkback for the previous seasons. In general, you can watch the seasons that don’t have an F, C, or U in any order, but there are callbacks to previous jokes, especially in Adventuring Party, so I would say to watch any season with any letter above in order at least, and the rest it doesn’t really matter the order.

I watched them all in order except I gave up on Shriek Week because I wasn’t enjoying it and then came back to it when I was out of seasons to watch, and I saved Dungeons and Drag Queens until I was in the mood for a beginner adventure (plus Mentopolis started just after I finished The Ravening War).

Other TV-style shows

The first season of Very Important People just wrapped up, which is Vic Michaelis interviewing Dropout cast members who are improvising characters based on a costume they were put into without knowing what it was ahead of time. Like many other shows on Dropout, I got more into it the more episodes I saw. It could be watched first, but you’ll get more out of it from knowing who the person is that’s being put in costume to be shocked how different they look.

Dirty Laundry, which is a panel show where they share a secret/embarassing/weird fact about someone and then the panel members guess who it was, could be watched first, but the episodes with Dropout cast members as guests are more enjoyable if you know who they are.

Smartypants is a new show that just started. The show is them doing presentations, and I’m realizing I’m not going to be able to describe it in a way that doesn’t sound awful, but it’s good. This is a good one to watch earlier, I think. At least so far it hasn’t been highly dependent on inside jokes.

Um, Actually is very fun to play along with trying to find the mistake in statements about nerdy media. That you can watch whenever.

One of the first shows they did, Total Forgiveness, I would highly recommend. It’s only one season, but you might want to be familiar with Ally Beardsley and Grant O’Brien first.

I also liked Where in the Eff is Sarah Cincinnati

YouTube-Style Videos

Since Dropout got its start from CollegeHumor’s YouTube videos, there are some things that feel more like a YouTube video than a TV show (in the sense of less polish, shorter length, and/or the concept just being more like what you’d expect from YouTube)

The only ongoing one that I would describe that way (I think) is Breaking News, which is where they act like newscasters but they’ve never seen the words on the teleprompter and they have to try not to laugh as they say all the ridiculous things on there. Some episodes are funnier with more context on the cast, but most of them can be watched whenever, and there isn’t really any continuity to it, so any season can be watched in any order. I’ve only watched some of the past seasons and picked and chose the episodes to watch.

They also have all the old College Humor skits and stuff, and some of them have not aged well, but the Hardly Working series has a lot of good stuff in there, especially in the later seasons, that explains some of the running jokes across the platform.

Also all of Brennan’s A Message from the CEO skits are very funny (I think they’re all still on YouTube too, but they’re also on Dropout).

Early Dropout Content

The last category in my opinion is some of the stuff they tried to do early in Dropout where they were trying to grow out of the YouTube videos but didn’t yet pivot into what Dropout is now.

I already mentioned Total Forgiveness, which is from this era, but the only other thing I’ll mention is that they did some video podcasts during this time, and personally I really enjoyed Tales from the Closet.

There’s also just a LOT from this time and I’ve only seen some of it. They really tried some different things.

Summary

There is a lot of good content on Dropout, and it is the sort of thing where whatever you watch first you’re probably missing some inside jokes that you’ll then get next time they come up.

Having just thought about it all to write this, I’d say the best places to start are either Game Changer or Dimension 20: Fantasy High depending on what you’re looking for.

And then poke around at some of the shorter videos when you don’t feel like watching something long.

[cant-say-tomorrow-day]

I know that Vic has a little bit of involvement when the characters for VIP are designed, and they know some info ahead of time so they can "prep" for the interview (as is normal). BUT, I think it would be fucking incredible if there was an episode where the comedian was dressed in the same outfit as Vic, and they make their name Vic Michaelis.

They'd get the whole crew on board to essentially act like costumed Vic is the real Vic, and that real Vic is either the interview guest or is "gaslit" into thinking that they're costumed Vic's assistant named Kaylee who is about to get so, so fired for this. I say "gaslit" in quotes because real real Vic would know what was happening but the character real Vic wouldn't... And I think I've made too many Vics to keep track of. But you know what I'm getting at.

[lazerv4]

Thoughts on Game Changers Season 6

Just my raw thoughts not a review or anything We are back again with another season of Game Changer or maybe we’ve been here the whole time. Welcome to Game Changer Season 6 thoughts on which unlike the previous post covering 1-5 I hope is not 7 pages long but we’ll see as I’ve just started writing this.

One thing I mentioned in my previous thoughts on was that Game Changer started to be able to fully manifest it’s original concept around season 4 but now it has truly become a whole different beast, Season 6 includes one single game samer as well as the most ambitious episode to date but again like before we are gonna go through the episodes in order so on to the premier.

Game Changer Season 6 debuts with a very traditional episode in Second Place aka the let’s bully Brennan this episode, the concept is simple, second place always wins the point no matter what happens and this deeply upsets Brennan while Ally and Oscar find it incredibly funny as the monologues escalate and the ridiculousness of the episode escalates until it crescendos into a tie between Oscar and Ally which leaves Brennan in second place and thus the winner of the episode as he launches into another iconic mug monologue that I hope goes down in history as the I cannot win one did so many years before back in Season 4, this is pure unadulterated Brennan and one of the funniest Game Changer moments both on episode 1 of the season.

Episode 2 is The Newlyweb Game, a very Dropout take on The Newlywed game in which 3 couples all at different stages of their relationship as Ify and Emily are dating, Tao and Alexis are engaged and Raph and Haley who are actually newlywed compete to assert dominance and prove they know their partner the best. The prompts in this episode are out of control as a main source of the information is the participants phones and they take full advantage of this asking about selfies, search histories and really strange phone notes that lead to one of my favorite jokes in the entire season, it’s a very fun episode with some great (probably) one time participants that pull their weight and enhance the episode greatly.

While the finale of the season had the most hype and work put behind it, if I had to pick the crowning jewel of this season it would be Episode 3 aka Sam Says 3. This is it, since Game Samers don't repeat more than 3 times (stated by Sam in cut for time and bts) they pull all the stops with this one, the cast consisting of Vic Michaelis, Jacob Wysocki and Lou Wilson is the ultimate chaotic theme of maniacs perfect for how off the wall this episode gets, frankly this is the episode I want to talk about the most but also the one that benefits the most from going in blind so we are doing this again SPOILERS START you can tell the episode is going for the fences right of the bat with the “do something cringe” which then leads to the incredibly pointless and funny swear jar which through the episode makes for some of the most hilarious moments as well cursing is very much a part of the show and since it had never been restricted it leads to many points taken, Sam then begins to fuck with them as he stops saying Sam says and also adds the freeze rule to just make it even more confusing, then we have really bizarre prompts like the fetish challenge which leads to the new supreme insult they try to use constantly “cum” which also leads to some of the most unhinged moments increasing the ante before quickly going for some more normal prompts to chill out the contestants like the slow mo and the do something for the trailer or the traditional special effect insert as well as some less convencional stuff like the don’t look at the little pig with a hat, the dedications and the how big is the hog prompt which do keep some edge on the contestants while still having their guard lowered so that when Zam the puppet comes out it can just completely confuse the contestants before jumping into insanity with both the cowboy clothes and the call everyone daddy or you lose points rule that just makes everything terrible before finally paying off the predictions made early in the episode. The front is now fully united as they agree to equalize points to have more fun before the final prompt (take a shot every time I wrote prompts) which is just having fun in a party bus that is just a dupe to have them lose points to swears and calling people by their name instead of daddy, Vic suffers the most from this part as equalizing the points just completely murdered her chance at winning as Jacob’s control of the daddy prompt made him lose the least amount of points and gives him the win, Lou was a lost cause as soon as he got inside that van even with the points equalized. SPOILERS END The episode is just so much fun and it will probably be remembered as one of the best episodes in the history of Game Changer, let alone this season.

Episode 4 is rather experimental as it’s more of an art contest for artist to show their creativity and flexibility which is very fun but doesn’t quite engage with what makes Game Changer unique from in this case a random youtube challenge rather than a game show but it’s still a fun watch and has some great prompts like the designing a cereal mascot segment.

Episode 5 the Deja Vu episode is the pinnacle of Sam fucking with his contestants which is really surprising after Sam Says but it does get increasingly confusing as the episodes continues to repeat over and over in a weird puzzle concoction that takes the team of Trapp, Ify and Siobhan quite a while to figure out but the payoff is just so much fun and the wenis is a great bit.

Episode 6 is one of the most unique episodes in the series as the whole concept is challenges to even get a buzzer to well buzz in and answer the trivia questions, the places where the buzzers are hidden get increasingly ridiculous as the first couple easy ones are taken until we eventually end up with stuff like one hidden inside a cake, one you have to convince someone outside to press through an audio only set up and interrupting a very intense make out session to get the buzzer on the other side of the bed. The cast of this episode is also rather fun with Erika and Rekha bringing their usual strengths to the show as well as the return of Becca Scott with foot jokes included. Overall the episodes take full advantage of the strengths of Game Changer and is just great television and a fantastic conventional finale to this season before jumping into the two parter which actually ends the season.

Episodes 7 and 8 consist of a single show split into two parts, The Ratfish which I’m told is very similar to The Circle but I haven’t seen that show so bear with me on this. The episodes also come with the most stacked cast in Game Changer history as we get Ally, Jess, Grant, Brennan, Katie, Zac, Rekha and special guest Eric Wareheim (from Tim and Eric) all participating in this bizarre role play texting clue among us type game.

The premise of the episode is that everyone is playing a character in a group chat text and little by little as prompts happen each contestant has to figure out who is playing every other character while keeping their identity hidden, this makes for a fantastic first episode as the stakes are high and the game is very close from the looks of it and then the episode ends leaving you wanting more during that grueling two week wait between episodes which well kind of led to disappointment as the game begins to fall apparent quickly since unexpectedly Rekha figured out the game way earlier than anticipated which breaks the tension but then Katie also figures out everyone which just complicates things further as well as losing both Zac and Brennan which lead a lot of the funniest segments of the episodes it just sadly couldn’t work as well this time around but the concept is solid enough where a Game Samer with more experience could go incredibly hard and I wouldn’t mind it even if it came in season 7.

Overall Game Changer Season 6 is more of the same but taken to 11, things get really hectic in the best ways possible and it continues to be the pinnacle of Dropout as a show only they could produce and make as excellent as it is. It is such a massive L the Emmys didn’t accept the nomination but nominated the currently terrible season of Jeopardy. Game Changer deserves all the recognition as some of the best television of the streaming era and this season just keeps showing why the Dropout team is one of kind and why it’s so worth it to keep this subscription above all others.

[velvetvexations]

I feel horrible for my nonbinary friend who was AMAB but I'm worried that transradfeminism might turn them away from the trans community, they've already basically started hating when people default to she/her pronouns for them (he uses any pronouns as far as I am still aware) and feel incredibly jaded about being seen as transfem when before that they used to feel joy from being on estrogen and seeing all the changes. I'm one of their best friends and I'm transmasc so they've feel more comfortable telling me this over their transfem friends, I'm worried for him and his wellbeing, they've been there for me when I explained my gripes with transandrophobia and exorsexim and I just don't know how to help them feel better about the fact that he gets seen as "supposed to just fully transition already" by a lot of their community (they live in Portland for school). also ik I said he uses any pronouns but afaik they don't really feel comfortable with "she" anymore so I try not to use that one for them

if it helps your friend feel any better, I think multipronouns are often stressful in this exact way for more than just AMAB enbies being pushed into the transfem box. Like, Vic Michaelis uses they/she, but everyone always 'corrects' people who use she, and it's been said someone who worked on Dropout stuff clarified they prefer they/them but even if that's the case if they have she included you probably don't need to be hopping on every instant of them being she/her'd, right? I think people have a habit of defaulting to the "most" trans, out of either the well-intentioned urge to be better safe than sorry or unconscious bias, and sometimes conscious bias.

I don't want this to come off as me saying your friend's experiences aren't valid or that no transfems are being weird about AMAB enbies, but I think they can find solidarity with AFAB enbies on this problem as well, and that could be of some comfort.

[oddygaul]

I Watched Three Time Loop Movies in a Row

Round and Round

I mean, it’s wild that Vic Michaelis is the star of a Hallmark movie, right? My partner and I had to watch it.

yes, they really do just let her do Vic Michaelis stuff the whole movie, it’s quite good

Round and Round almost immediately breaks what I consider a rule of time loop movies: establish building block events ASAP. These are the bread and butter of your time loop - a strong visual series of repeating events that reinforce the existence of the loop, establish reference points so the viewer knows what part of the loop we’re in at any given moment, and provide opportunities for the time loopee to demonstrate their learned mastery of the world around them.

This… doesn’t really do that? We have Rachel dropping the donuts, yeah, but then… I dunno, the curtains catch fire at the very end, I guess? Outside of that, things happen differently enough each loop it may as well be a sequential narrative. They use that time pretty well - the movie feels like it has more fresh interactions with non-looped characters than average - but this trope is a trope because it’s innately satisfying to watch, and it feels weird to just skip it.

My favorite thing about Round and Round is that when the time loop concludes, the male lead’s memories of each loop are restored, meaning the couple, in the end, have fallen in love on more or less equal footing. Time loop media is often about falling in love, but the way it’s usually only happening to one half of the couple presents an inherently creepy power dynamic. It was nice to see deliberate steps taken to rectify that flaw of the genre.

Palm Springs

Palm Springs fuckin rules. I’m not someone that rewatches movies often - I don’t know why, my brain is weird about it - and yet, I’ve watched Palm Springs at least four times now. It’s just rock-solid start to finish. The premise of starting after the protagonist has already been stuck in the loop for ages is great, the way they examine what that would do to someone is great, the acting is great, it’s funny as hell… I love it.

Unlike Round and Round, this movie goes for all the Time Loop Classics and knocks them out of the park. Repeating events? We got em: “that’s a good leg”, the jump into the pool, the wedding speech, etc. On top of that, though, Palm Springs introduces a unique twist - the time loop has multiple people stuck in it simultaneously. This immediately changes the tone of the movie - rather than the grinding, solipsistic loneliness that typically defines being stuck in a time loop, it’s about people coping differently, and the friction that creates. It also gives the ability to see how different people cope with the situation.

And the different approaches are great - Nyles’ nihilism, Sarah’s drive to move forward, Roy’s wanton violence and eventual zen. Some special attention to Roy, by the way, because what a great subplot - it lampoons the way some time loop protagonists immediately lose all sense of morality* and commit depraved acts because they know there’s no consequences, never stops being funny, and still ends up being poignant when all’s said and done.

*see: fuckin Groundhog Day, apparently

can we really do this, Sandy?

Meanwhile, Nyles and Sarah get to have their time loop fun in more wholesome ways - they really explore the space here and come up with a bunch of fun scenarios that usually are more centered on their joy, even if they are a bit at the expense of the non-looped folks.

Palm Springs also nails home a really interesting theme I’m surprised I haven’t encountered more in this genre - that you can’t change the past. No matter how much you as a person change during the loop, no matter how differently you do things that day, you can’t change what you did even one day earlier, even if it feels like years ago subjectively. In other time loop movies, the protagonist often succeeds in changing their whole outlook on life - from everyone else’s point of view, they woke up as a changed person and lived happily ever after. Palm Springs acknowledges that even if you change inside, the perception of you that exists in the minds of others can’t be changed in a day - and yet, that's no reason to quit.

Groundhog Day

We decided to finish off our time loop binge with Groundhog Day, since neither of us had seen it and it’s pretty foundational.

Well, it’s foundational alright, but woof.

I know this was the era for it, but BOY they do not stop with the sexual harassment in this movie. I mean, Phil being an asshole is the premise of the movie, sure, but there’s only so much aggressive verbal non-consent you can watch. Particularly after watching two modern time loop movies that took a lot of care in balancing their romantic relationships, it was jarring and creepy. A lot of the ‘comedy’ is based around it, too, so laughs were surprisingly hard to come by in Groundhog Day.

Also, it’s wild how quickly Phil goes off the deep end - my man is already committing wildly hazardous acts and putting innocent people’s lives at risk on loop THREE. Bro’s not even a week in, and he’s already ready to throw lives away? Clearly he was in a pretty bad place to begin with. It was a big contrast having just watched Palm Springs - some of the characters do some pretty debauched things there, sure, but that’s after the characters had been stuck for decades in the loop. Phil, meanwhile, wakes up on day 3 and chooses violence.

I guess it’s good to know where the modern American time loop movie all came from, though. It seems to inform some of the thematic focus of the other two we watched, honestly - why focus so much on consent in a time loop romance, or the value of a life amidst a world clouded by nihilism, respectively? Probably because the writers grew up watching something so unbothered with either.

Conclusion

So after three of these, it feels like I should have some deep thematic conclusion on what time loop movies say about the human condition, right?

Nope!

[astoriacolumnstaircase]

meme game!!!

tagged by @overnighttosunflowers thank you abby!

last song listened to: Pumpkin Cowboy by Brian David Gilbert. Okay. The song is great, but also it's the one thing my son will reliably calm down to when he's having A DAY so we had that on repeat this evening. poor kid was having a big ol' day. Last song I chose for myself was Wet Dream by Wet Leg and maybe that was on repeat too for a bit because it's only two and a half minutes and the drums kick so much ass

currently reading: I just finished Bookshops and Bonedust by Travis Baldree and it was delightful. There's an important skeleton construct who wants to end his servitude to the necromancer that made him, and a very cute summer romance between a hot orc lady and a hot dwarf baker. It was all so cute. I hope Travis writes five more books in this world it's the exact gentle I want.

currently watching: Very Important People with Vic Michaelis. It's already a great premis, putting comedians into wild makeup and making them invent a character then go through an interview, but the best part is watching Vic's character get more and more unhinged with every interview they do. I love it. Partner and I watch it every week it comes out, right when it shows up.

currently obsessed with: still Laudna. I'm making a postcard series of all the fanart I've done of her. I have a type and she's it idk what else to say.

tagging: i think abby tagged the people i know and I am so sorry for doing this, but my brain is bad right now! If you see this and want to play, consider yourself tagged!

[innocentapparently]

Obey Me - Dub Voices HC

Here me out, this has been rolling around in my head for a while and need to get it all out there. I even cited some sources. I’m i n v e s t e d.

•Lucifer - J. Michael Tatum

~examples: Sebastian Michaelis (Black Butler), Kyoya Ootori (Ouran High School Host Club), Erwin Smith (Attack On Titan)

https://youtu.be/Yj-znysjcys (Do I really need to specify? *sigh* Sebastian Michaelis, that is all)

•Mammon - Jerry Jewel

~examples: Kyo Sohma (Fruits Basket), Russia (Hetalia), Viktor Nikiforov (Yuri!! On Ice)

https://youtu.be/7cYmb0p6-ns (Best one I could find, honestly I can only picture Mammon with Kyo’s voice in English)

•Leviathan - Christopher Bevins

~examples: Hanta Sero (My Hero Academia), Yasuhiro Hagakure (Danganrompa), Japan (Hetalia)

https://youtu.be/WRqclKFJ17E (Hear me out on this one, Levi is just Japan without the Japanese accent)

•Satan - Brandon McInnis

~examples: Mirai Sasoki/Sir Nighteye (My Hero Academia), Patrick Phelps (Black Butler: Book of Murder), Sohnosuke Izoyoi (Danganrompa 3)

https://youtu.be/FhkKHXJAO_c (Specifically Nighteye’s voice here like DAMN)

•Asmodeus - Todd Haberkorn

~examples: Italy (Hetalia), Death the Kid (Soul Eater), Hikaru Hitachiin (Ouran High School Host Club)

https://youtu.be/IuYZXvibPUI (A ~classique~, honestly to really get the Asmo feel of his voice, you have to watch Hikaru [specifically the way he speaks to Kaoru, in the fake twincest moments] or Italy when he finds pretty ladies)

•Beelzebub - Travis Willingham

~examples: Colonel Roy Mustang (Full Metal Alchemist/Brotherhood), Takashi Morinozuka (Ouran High School Host Club), Cell (Dragon Ball Universe)

https://youtu.be/c-cpbRn1AfE (Listen, I’m no coward. I will tell you I picked this voice actor specifically because almost every character he’s voiced, I have a crush on. And Beel should be no exception)

•Belphegor - Austin Tindle

~examples: Ken Kaneki (Tokyo Ghoul), Karma Akabane (Assassination Classroom), Marco Bodt (Attack On Titan)

https://youtu.be/0dOBcQN10YY (Ken Kaneli immediately popped in to my head for Belphie because not only could he be soft spoken and also scary as hell, but listen to how much of a little shit Karma can be; that’s straight Belphie)

•Diavolo - Christopher Sabat

~examples: Yagi Toshinori/All Might (My Hero Academia), Vageta (Dragon Ball Universe), Ayame Sohma (Fruits Basket)

https://youtu.be/JXU6v4ri1Zg (The true voice of an old man trying to stay hip with the kids *chefs kiss*)

•Barbatos - Benjamin Diskin

~examples: Ban (Seven Deadly Sins), Joseph Joestar (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, season 2), Sai (Naruto)

https://youtu.be/godLNT6HypI (He’s also Nigel Uno from Kids Next Door and I can’t stop hearing Numbah One in all these characters now)

•Solomon - Eric Vale

~examples: Yuki Sohma (Fruits Basket), Tomura Shigaraki (My Hero Academia), Kisumi Shigino (Free!)

https://youtu.be/yDzZfahnu3Q (Definitely more of a Yuki vibe until he does some shady shit and then you get a splash of Shigaraki)

•Simeon - Micah Solusod

~examples: Tsunagu Hakamata/Best Jeanist (My Hero Academia), Yuno (Black Clover), Soul Evans (Soul Eater)

https://youtu.be/2muiy5SRxs8 (Just like, all the times his characters are soft bois™, that’s Simeon talking)

•Luke - Vic Mignogna

~examples: Edward Elric (Fullmetal Alchemist/Brotherhood), Tamaki Suoh (Ouran High School Host Club), Broly (Dragon Ball Universe)

https://youtu.be/bvpJjbphJWQ (SPOILER WARNING: if you haven’t watched Fullmetal Alchemist [Brotherhood or otherwise], just listen to the first like 30 seconds or so, the way he does Ed’s kid voice is so Luke. I figured Japan picked a male actor to play Luke, so even though his character could be dubbed by a woman and have an equally as amazing performance, if I had to pick a male kid voice, young Ed hits the nail on the head)

[Side note, I would NOT be mad if Luke was played by Maxey Whitehead, who plays Alphonse Elric in FMA: Brotherhood, AND Crona from Soul eater. She would also make an amazing Luke]

[thewhumperinwhite]

Just for fun: Soulmate AU

I was reading a fanfic about an au where you’re born with a mark representing your soulmate somewhere on your body and i was feeling sappy, and this uhhh.... got WELL out of hand;;; So I’m gonna post it in two parts because otherwise it’s longer than I’m comfy putting in one tumblr post. (i’ll put it as one complete piece in ao3 when it’s complete, though.) Also, i wasn’t even sure this would be that whumpy when i first had the idea but UH

Please note!! This oneshot contains a fairly graphic suicide attempt. I’m tagging it accordingly, but please err on the side of caution and be safe.

TW for: suicide attempt, gore, implied parental abuse, drowning, mild internalized ableism, underage whumpee (at this point Kent is 17, Sol is 19 and Pax is about 21).

@whumpitywhumpwhump

----

Sol Michaelis has two soulmate marks instead of one—an eye with a slash through it sits just under his collarbone from the day he’s born, and then when he’s two a second one slowly filters in, twin patterns of three lines around each of his wrists, just above the veins, in delicate summer-sky blue.

To be honest, Sol doesn’t think about it that much. He’s got too much to do, always—he’s in every sports club where they’ll let him play on the right team, and he always has to force himself to study if he wants to do good in school; he doesn’t tell anyone because his dad’s a genius so he can’t let anyone know he’s stupid, but it takes him three times as long to do anything as he knows its supposed to, always. It doesn’t leave any time to think.

About three times a month, he has nightmares about drowning, where he braces his hands and tries to push up out of the water but there’s a big hand around the back of his head and it holds him under, and he wakes up gasping for breath, pinned down against his sweaty pillow by the feeling that it’s his fault, that he deserves it somehow, that it’s only justice.

He honestly believes they’re just normal stress dreams, and they usually don’t stick in his head that long. And he’s always so busy. He’s busy in high school and then all of a sudden he’s busy surviving instead, busy finding jobs he hates and doing them as many hours as he can, and just barely making rent and food money, and he really doesn’t have time to think about soulmates.

And then in the middle of a workday he drops an entire tray of dishes because his wrists are on fire.

----

With the caveat that they have never met, Pax Field sometimes resents their future soulmates.

There’s a specific flavor to feelings when they aren’t yours—you’re not quite feeling them, you just know they’re happening, in some room and brain you aren’t actually a part of. But you can’t ignore them, either, no matter how much you try. And Pax always tries. Their own feelings are plenty without worrying about the feelings of absolute strangers, thank you very much. And they’re never good feelings, or at least hardly ever; always cold prickly sorrow-embarrassment-shame around their wrists and hot itchy anxiety-fear-loneliness over their heart.

Occasionally at night, when Vic is out doing unethical science or whatever and they’re alone, they put their hand over their heart and rub the skin there, or they massage their wrists as softly as they can, and try to—feel outward, which they’re not sure is even possible; whisper into the skin of their wrists that this stranger should fucking relax, fucking lighten up a little. Once they woke up from a nightmare—unrelated to soulmates, presumably, since it prominently featured Vic—and rolled over onto their stomach so they could press both wrists against their heart and bury their face in their pillow and cried, hard, because they didn’t know what was happening but they knew it wasn’t fair and they also knew there wasn’t anything they could do about it. Then they woke up in the morning and did their absolute best to forget about it, because they don’t know these people and anyway they aren’t going to waste their time on things they can’t change.

But they’ve never felt anything like this.

It’s a Friday evening and they are, by the grace of god, alone in their apartment, which means no one has to see them stagger and then fall hard onto their knees in the middle of the hallway, staring at their wrists.

The little blue marks there don’t look any different, which seems insane, because they have never ever been more sure that something is wrong.

It isn’t like being in pain—it isn’t like being in their own pain. It’s like seeing a car accident on the news and hearing your phone ring at the same time and knowing you can’t get there fast enough, but you run out the door anyway, because you can’t do anything else, you can’t do this, you can’t lose him, he can’t do this.

Even though Pax knows while they run into the bathroom, slipping and sliding on nothing and having to catch themself against walls and doors, that whoever “he” is, he already has.

They saw this in a movie once, where someone had to warn their soulmate about a murderer or some fucking dumb thing. So it probably doesn’t even work, and their soulmate’s going to bleed to death on expensive bathroom tiles before Pax even gets to meet him.

But they can’t not do anything. They turn the shower all the way to hot, and the sink all the way hot too, and they close the bathroom door behind them and stuff a towel underneath—and the bathroom mirror still isn’t fogging up quick enough, so they breath on it, hard, too, even though that’s objectively dumb. Then they stand at the sink, staring at their own wild-eyed reflection as it fogs out, one hand clamped white-knuckled around the opposite wrist, which burns with pain that’s so much worse for not being theirs.

 ----

It doesn’t even hurt that much anymore, actually.

Well, it does—it stings like a really terrible papercut, except much deeper and almost the whole length of his forearm. But it’s getting easier to ignore, even when he makes fists and squeezes to make the blood come out faster.

Kent kind of thinks, at least based on the movies he’s seen, that you’re supposed to strip naked before you do this, and he knows that would make the least mess. But he’s in the bathtub, and he’s stripped down to his boxers and a t-shirt, so it shouldn’t be too hard to clean up, anyway. And the maids are mostly older ladies, or young ones working through college, and stuff, and he’s too embarrassed to let them see him naked, even if he never has to know about it. He’s sitting cross-legged on the floor of the bathtub, with his hands in his lap, so the bottom of his boxers are getting wet and sticky, but that’s getting easier to ignore, too. The blood is bright against the white porcelain, by far the most he’s ever seen, and it’s hard to look away from. Kind of pretty, even.

His heart is going a little faster, now, and he thinks he might be sweating. He squeezes his fists again. It’s taking longer than he thought it would.

Maybe he should make another—

People are looking at him.

Kent sits bolt upright, looking around the empty bathroom. He has a sudden urge to hide his arms behind his back, and he thinks he can feel an embarrassed flush in his cheeks.

“I-I,” he says, like he’s going to try to explain, even though he has no idea what he would say.

“Oh, god,” the brown-skinned boy with the round face and black hair says. He’s on the floor in the middle of a big kitchen. There are people around him but Kent can’t see them as well. It isn’t like looking through a window, or like the boy is here with him; it’s simply the new experience of seeing clearly into a room he is not in.

“Call for help,” the darker-skinned person says. Their hair is long and lose around their shoulders in tight waves. It’s dyed a violent pink. They’re staring into their bathroom mirror with more intensity than Kent has ever been looked at with, and they must be mad at him; he grabs one of his wrists and squeezes it with his other hand, makes blood bubble out and gush over his hand and onto his leg.

“Fuck,” the black-haired boy screams. He’s kneeling in front of a metal dishwasher with a foggy reflective surface and he throws himself towards it, grabs the sides of the dishwasher with both hands. “Don’t!”

Kent loosens his grip, panting. He’s staring straight ahead, seeing the blank tile wall of his own bathroom and the industrial kitchen behind the black-haired boy and the bathroom behind the person with pink hair. His heart is pounding now, rabbit-fast, in a way that’s starting to feel scary.

“Don’t do that, baby,” the black-haired boy says, and his voice is shaking like he’s in pain, even though Kent knows, somehow, that he can’t be, that Kent would know if he was hurting.

“Who’s in the house with you?” the pink-hair-person barks, and Kent shakes his head, because his father is home but his father can’t see him like this, he can’t, he’ll make sure Kent doesn’t die so he can drown him himself. “Call for help!”

Kent shakes his head again, harder, trying to scoot back away from them, except they aren’t really here so there’s nowhere to go.

He’s lifted his arms, now, holding one wrist in the hand, and now there’s blood down both his forearms and slick on his legs, soaking into his boxers and the bottom of his t-shirt, and he’s—beyond embarrassed, scared, doesn’t want them to see this, doesn’t want anyone to see it.

Kent doesn’t think of the golden sun that’s always sat on his chest, over his heart, and he doesn’t think of the smaller slashed eye beside it, because he is not thinking of much at all, but he’s always been glad they were easy to hide under his clothes. Not because he was ashamed of them, but because if no one else saw them they were his and nobody else’s. Sometimes those marks are the only parts of his body he likes, the only parts he never wants to hurt.

Both marks are warm, now, but the rest of him is becoming cold so fast that Kent doesn’t notice.

“Oh, god,” the black-haired boy’s voice says again. He hits his fist lightly against the dishwasher, like he wishes he could come through it, and Kent stares at him, because he’s lovely, and he’s sad, and it’s Kent’s fault.

“I-I—” he says quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“God damn it,” the pink-haired person says, and their voice is wild, almost a roar. Then they say, “Where are you?”

Kent shakes his head. “I—I don’t—”

“Are you in the city?” they snap. Their hands are braced on the bathroom sink, and they’re lovely too, and Kent didn’t mean—he didn’t think— “Hey!” they snap their fingers, eyes blazing, and Kent crashes back to earth with a start. “Are you in the city?”

Kent nods helplessly.

“Where?”

Kent blinks rapidly. Their eyes are so bright that he mumbles an answer before he’s even decided if he wants them to know or not.

“I’m calling an ambulance,” they say, diving for the pocket of their sweatpants.

“That’s near me,” the black-haired boy whispers. “That’s near me, that’s near me, I’m coming to get you!”

Kent balks, scooting back in the blood along the bottom of the bathtub, shaking his head rapidly. “You—you can’t,” he says, and then his mind goes blank with terror, because more than not wanting to be seen in bloody boxer shorts, “My father is home!”

 ----

Sol only kind of hears this, because he’s already scrambling to his feet and wrestling his apron off over his head.

“You can’t just run off in the middle of your shift—” his boss starts, and then cuts off because Sol’s apron has just hit him in the chest.

“Then fire me,” Sol says, and he takes off across the restaurant floor at a dead run.

The address is ten or eleven blocks away—the restaurant where Sol works is right at the edge of the fancy part of town, and the blue-eyed boy’s house is in the heart of it. Sol doesn’t have a car, but it makes objective sense to wait for a bus or run to the train station. He does not consider this for even a second.

Sol runs, hard, his work shoes pounding on the pavement in time with his breath, and it doesn’t occur to him that it’s a summer night, still hot, or that he’s wearing his binder, or that the sidewalk is crowded with strangers who yell and dart out of his way. He doesn’t see any of them, doesn’t feel his ribs aching, doesn’t feel anything except that the blue lines on his wrist are pulsing—warm one second, like he’s going the right way, and cold the next, because his soulmate is dying.

Sol is drenched in sweat by the time he grinds to a stop in front of the tall fancy apartment building—and he knows immediately which one it is, because there’s an ambulance parked out front with it’s lights flashing.

Sol rounds the side of the ambulance and the stretcher is halfway in, and he stumbles sideways and almost falls—but he can feel the warm pulse in his mark and the boy on the stretcher gasps and moves, arching his back slightly.

The EMT about to shut the ambulance door turns at the sound of Sol’s pounding footsteps, looking alarmed, and Sol raises his arm and waves it over his head.

“He’s my soulmate!” He pants, holding his arm out so the EMT can see the mark, pulsing and flickering in a way that makes panic burn the back of Sol’s neck, but definitely giving off a soft glow. “He’s my soulmate. We’re soulmates.”

The EMT frowns, and then opens the door back up and lets him clamber inside.

Sol’s never been inside an ambulance before; it’s cramped, with two EMTs hovering on either side of the stretcher, now staring at Sol, but Sol barely sees them because the boy on the stretcher is looking at him too, and there’s blood everywhere—they’ve put tourniquets around his arms, but only just now—and Sol loves him.

Sol holds up his arm, still panting, hard. The paramedic on the boy’s left frowns at him, then down at the boy, and then tugs the collar of his t-shirt down.

There’s a big yellow sun over the boy’s chest, glowing bright and steady, like it’s mocking the weak stutter-pulse of the glow at Sol’s wrists. Sol flushes, feeling almost embarrassed, like his mark is showing off.

The EMT sighs and gestures for Sol to sit down.

The boy on the stretcher gives a little gasp. His eyes follow Sol when he awkwardly arranges himself on the little bench next to the stretcher, bright blue and reflective as glass. The EMT on his right leans over to scribble something across the boy’s forehead with a black marker—“TK” and the time—and the boy blinks at Sol around the EMT’s arm, his lips slightly parted.

“Hey,” Sol says softly. He wants badly to take the boy’s hand, but it’s covered in blood and he’s worried he’ll hut him. He pats his knee awkwardly instead, and the boy gasps again, sounding punched-out and rough but not pained, exactly. “My name’s Sol. I’m one of your soulmates.”

“I’m sorry,” the boy whispers, staring at Sol, and it sinks into Sol’s belly like a punch, and he gasps, hard, because he can feel it, not like it’s his own but still so strong he can taste it: shame and guilt and heart-fluttering panic.

Sol folds forward, the wind knocked out of him, and lowers his head to touch his forehead, as gently as he can, to the back of his soulmate’s bloody hand.

“I’m not mad at you,” Sol whispers, and he hears the boy gasp again, his breath starting to come in hard quiet sobs. “I’m not mad, baby, I’m not mad, I’m not mad, I’m not mad.”

[thewhumperinwhite]

Should You Fight My OCs, thewhumperinwhite edition

Thorne. Armed with several years of training and a borderline-pathological desire to prove himself by beating you. That said, he grew up with a bunch of assholes who don’t fight fair so if you do win he won’t hold a grudge because he’s Used To It. You decide if that makes it more worth it or less.

Andry Fourshield: Not as easy to beat as you might expect. Will lose if it’s politically expedient, but can absolutely maim you given the proper incentive. Also, he’s been through enough, god.

Asher Fourshield: while you will probably win, he's fourteen, and also Andry will murder you. Not worth it.

Raven: I mean, the good news is her primary interest is torture so she's not at her best in, like, a fist fight, but it WILL NOT remain a fist fight if she can help it, and she fights very dirty. Watch your back. For knives.

Morden Crane: Morden can fight, but is of the firm belief that he shouldn't have to. This is to your advantage. Go for the hair.

Solemn Michaelis: not much fighting experience, but pretty big muscles and even bigger feelings. Unlikely to engage unless you really deserve it, and then it could go either way. Arm wrestle him instead. He'll win, but it'll be a bonding experience.

Kent Graves: I mean, yes you will win, and no he will not be mad at you, but what have you gained, really? Two permanent enemies, and nothing else. Leave the sad twink alone.

Pax Field: On the one hand, you will lose. On the other hand, Pax thinks low stakes fist fights are fun, so they'll probably help you up and buy you a drink afterward. Its honestly not a bad way to introduce yourself to them. Go nuts.

Sam Rochester: Okay, if you lose, she will shoot you in the head, and if you win, you'll have punched a twelve year old. There are no good outcomes here. Do not engage.

Russ O'Brien: Russ is a big dude, but he's also a forty-something gay doctor. I can't imagine why you'd want to, but you could probably take him in a fight if you really try. Don't know who'll patch you up afterwards, though.

Vic Michaelis: Vic is, at his core, a big nerd. Please fight him. Please do it, for me. He wears glasses, it'll be so easy, PLEASE fight Vic Michaelis

Karim Mun: I mean, depends on when you catch him, honestly, but most of the time Karim will probably thank you for punching him in the face, which I guess you can count as a win, but not a very satisfying one. Also, Art will come for your blood.

Art Lange: Don't. He bites.

Micah Trent: Oh, fuck yeah. He's just a dirty old man, plug your ears so he can't gaslight you and go the fuck to town, my dude. GET IM!

Simon Blake: A solid choice. Simon is a himbo with all the strengths and weaknesses that entails, and also emotionally equipped to handle being beaten in a fight, unlike almost everyone else. Do your best. Avoid the busted shoulder, its unsportsmanlike.

Rona Cowl: I mean, she's photosensitive, so you can try shining a flashlight in her eyes are something if you're determined to fight Rona. You'll still lose, but she might take a moment to respect the hustle before she brains you.

[thewhumperinwhite]

I'm sorry I don't know your OCs very well but I absolutely adore tma so I'll ask: slaughter, buried and desolation (my favourite entities) for any OC of your choosing :) -S

HILARIOUS BC THOSE ARE LEGIT THE THREE THAT SCARE ME THE MOST LMAO

🔪 the slaughter - what’s the most violent thing your character has ever done? how did they feel about it? have they ever killed anyone? what would/does it take to get them to act violently, or take a life?

I'm gonna answer this for Art because in a very bleak way I think his answer is the funniest?

So Art and Karim met when Karim was on his initiation meeting for the Coven (i.e., Bring Me Back Proof That You Killed Someone) and Art happened to be on the same deserted part of the city docks For The Purposes Of Killing Himself, and Karim was like ‘.…..there’s a mutually beneficial arrangement in here somewhere,’ but then can’t actually go through with it because he’s, you know, Not Actually A Murderer, so after they sleep together he just drains about a pint of Art’s blood to maybe give to Micah later and let’s Art sleep it off.

So Art wakes up miserable and dizzy and not dead, and draws the conclusion that Karim was lying to get Art in bed. And he really expected not to wake up-- was kind of depending on it, in fact.

So, the most violent thing Art has ever done was throw a heavy ceramic lamp at Karim’s head the morning after they had sex for the first time. Which could have done some real damage, if it’d hit him. Thankfully he was too dizzy from blood loss to have good aim :)

⚰ the buried - when had your character felt the most trapped? How well do they handle confinement?

Sol Michaelis Does Not Handle Confinement Well.

This is my official assurance that the problems Sol has with his father are not in any way related to him being trans. Vic Michaelis didn’t.... necessarily seem to hear Sol when he told came out? But he certainly wasn’t mad. It’s just that Sol’s dad is, uh... a mad scientist strict about his work hours and unwilling to be interrupted during them, even by his children. And Sol was a rambunctious kid, and probably too neuroatypical to reliably remember to be quiet, even when he was punished for making noise. 

So, partly as a punishment and partly as a way of Keeping Him Quiet, Vic would routinely shut Sol in the hall closet for increasing increments of time.

Which is... bad, admittedly. He always hated it, every time; by the time he was moving up into the sixty-minute range he would often be in tears by the time his dad unlocked the cupboard and let him out. But it’s also bearable. And it also Doesn’t Fucking Work, because Sol doesn’t usually realize he’s being loud until he gets yelled at for it. It almost feels like routine after a while.

Then, when Sol is 11 and his sister is 9, Vic has an important breakthrough in his home lab and runs off to tell his colleagues about it, forgetting that Sol is locked in a very small storage closet and the key is in Vic’s pocket.

Sol’s in the dark for over six hours, him screaming and crying inside the closet, his sister Karine and their nanny apologizing and trying to jimmy the lock on the outside, and Sol has an extended panic attack when he realizes it doesn’t matter if he begs or if everybody forgives him, the key just isn’t here.

When he gets home, Victor Michaelis unlocks the door, apologizes distractedly, and shuts himself back in his lap, and Sol never really forgives him.

🔥 the desolation - what’s the most precious thing your character has ever lost?

ggggg this is why I hate the desolation nothing freaks me out more than Losing Things That Can’t Be Replaced ANYWAY,

This might be obvious and kind of an easy out, BUT.

Andry has been learning to fence since he was eight years old.

His fencing master was a brittle, stick-thin old man named Toryn who taught with a heavy oak stick in his hand, which he would rap sharply against Andry’s knuckles or ankles when his form was poor. Asher, years later, would balk at the old man’s harshness and leave several lessons in a huff, but Andry appreciated his firmness. He rarely hit hard enough to bruise, just sharp quick jabs that were grounding more than painful. And when Andry could go a week without earning a single blow, the old man traded the stick for a foil and beat Andry mercilessly in every bout, holding nothing back, until Andry’s first victory, when he was fourteen, made him so proud and overwhelmed he had to shut himself in an empty room and cry for a few minutes afterward. 

By the time Andry was fifteen, he was routinely winning the fencing tournament at Colomur’s yearly festival, and by the time he was fairly certain the other contestants weren’t letting him win because he was the prince--but even then, he never won easily against Old Toryn, who sent him stumbling to the dust on the training room floor more often than not, and was the only man in Colomur whose smiles Andry felt he ever truly earned.

The old man was frail by the time the siege of Colomur House was really underway; he couldn’t survive on the decreased rations the blockade brought and he refused the food Andry tried to sneak him, sneering at the stolen bread and meeting Andry’s eyes to say that he was no longer the swordsman Colomur needed to survive these Northern invaders--and that Andry had better watch his footwork.

There is a moment, near the end of the siege-breaking battle, when Andry is surrounded by corpses, when he wonders if he’s made the old man proud, yet. That is, of course, before they cut off his hand.

[thewhumperinwhite]

Café: Roadside 1

Previous: Teaser 1, Teaser 2, Hospital/Squad Car, Empty Bar, Used Car Lot 1, Used Car Lot 2, Gas Station

TW for: Kent and therefore referenced suicidal ideation, Vic’s Creepy Vibes.

Between the medication-induced dulling of the pain in his wrist and the soft hum of the truck’s engine under him, Sol is kind of fighting to stay awake.

“You can check out for a while, you know, kid,” Paxon says, glancing at him sideways for a second. “I don’t mind.”

Sol shoots them a glare, but when he opens his mouth Paxon rolls his eyes and takes a hand off the steering wheel to wave dismissively at him. “Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m an untrustworthy shmuck and you’re ashamed to be working with me, I’ve heard the speech.” They sound— a little annoyed. They’ve been driving for a few hours now, Sol guesses. Maybe they’re grumpy. Repositioning their hands on the wheel, they glare out at the dark road in front of them. “Honestly, what do you think I’m gonna do, man? I’m driving.”

“I dunno,” Sol says, maybe a little bit petulant. “That’s why I wanna keep my eye on you.”

Paxon looks at him, out of the corner of their eye, just long enough that Sol has to fight down the urge to snap at them to just watch the damn road, already. Then they sigh and focus back through the windshield. “Okay, look, I’ll tell you what. If I try to act on whatever sinister intentions you assume I have, I’ll have to stop the car, won’t I?”

Sol examines their profile, to see if it looks like they’re trying to trick him. They mostly just look tired and irritated, though. “I guess,” he says doubtfully.

“And the sudden lack of engine noise will wake you up if I stop. Won’t it?”

Sol is— not actually sure about that. On the one hand, maybe not. He hasn’t had to worry about being able to leap awake at the slightest disturbance since he got his apartment, almost a year and a half ago now. On the other hand, there’s no way he’s going to admit he’s been spoiled by a year of living comfortable to Paxon Field, who clearly has no such disadvantage. “I— guess so. Yes.”

He still doesn’t relax, though, and Paxon, noticing, finally thumps their free hand against the steering wheel angrily and glares ahead at the windshield. “You know what? Fine. You wanna be exhausted and miserable tomorrow, you just go right on ahead, babe. I’m sure I don’t care what you do.” And then they reach for the radio and snap on an 80s pop song, though they keep the volume down, presumably out of respect for Kent, who’s been asleep for an hour at least and doesn’t seem to piss them off half as much as Sol does.

That’s what convinces him it’s safe to sleep, actually. At least for a few hours. The truth is, he can barely keep his eyes open.

He makes it through “Love Shack” and “Come On Eileen,” but halfway through “Every Breath You Take” he stops jolting himself awake and lets himself drift, finally.

This song’s so fucking creepy, he thinks, and sinks into uneasy dreams filled with teeth and eyes that drip with blood.

——

Pax waits twenty minutes after Sol’s breath has slowed to a steady rhythm, curled up in his seat like a little kid, before they pull their phone out of the pocket of their coat and send up a short, non-specific prayer to thank whatever deities might be listening that there’s still cell service.

It’s— actually kind of embarrassing how well they still remember the number.

“Hello?” The silky voice sounds kind of confused, and maybe a little sleep-heavy, so at least there’s that.

“You’re a piece of shit,” Pax says mildly, cranking the music just a little, so they’re voice will be lost among the synth riffs.

There’s a surprised intake of breath, but when the voice speaks again, it’s filled with a vindictive sort of pleasure. “My god, I never thought I’d hear that voice again. What’s the news, little Paxon Field? You don’t expect me to come to your rescue again after all these years, do you?”

Pax’s lungs empty themselves in a huff of mirthless laughter so hard they sort of half hunch over the steering wheel, the corners of their scarred mouth pulling up into a furious grin with the effort of not raising their voice. “No, I don’t,” they say sweetly. “In fact, just the opposite, sweetheart.”

“Oh?” They hear the smile in his voice, and remember what it looks like— all sparkling dark eyes and sharp white teeth. “Do tell.”

“I found something,” Pax says, trying to keep from snarling. “Something you’re looking for, if the rumors I hear are true.”

Silence on the other end of the line. Pax waited. They can’t fuck this up. They will not fuck this up. They’ve been waiting for an opportunity like this for too goddamn long.

“Have you,” the man says flatly. He doesn’t sound like he’s relishing the idea. On the one hand, the uneasy displeasure in his voice is like music to Pax’s ears, but on the other hand— 

“Yeah,” Pax says sweetly. “And I think I’d like to make a deal with you, old man.”

Another surprised silence. Pax wonders if they’ve been too forward. Fuck this espionage bullshit.

“You would.” The man is taking his sweet time considering it, and Pax hasn’t even set their terms yet, dammit. “I’ll be honest, Paxon— that surprises me.”

“I’ll bring you—what you want,” Pax says, looking straight forward through the windshield. “And you can start writing the check now and keep adding zeroes till I get there.”

They pause again. Goddamn the old man and his slow-ass business deals. ...Goddamn the old man just in general, too.

“You want money.”

Okay, moment of truth. Pax does their best to sound defensive and a little ashamed of themself. It isn’t very hard. “Hey, fuck you, man. The world’s ending. I need enough cash to get outta the country while planes are still flying, and enough to settle on after that. If anybody can understand that, you’d think it’d be you. Don’t think I can’t smell your brand of weird science all over this, you fucking freak.”

The old man laughs. Okay. So far so good. “You flatter me,” he says, and he really does sound flattered, the psychopath. If Pax ever doubted that the bleeders really were some of his “creations,” this is all the proof they need. “Name your terms, puppy.”

For a second, Pax forgets themself. “First of all, you call me that one more time and I’m driving this fucking truck off a cliff with your cargo inside, you get me?”

Sol shifts in his sleep, just slightly. Pax winces, but the boy’s breathing settles back out quick enough.

The old man chuckles in his ear. Pax feels their lip curl into a snarl.

“Yes, yes, I’m sorry— Paxon. Your voice brings back such memories, a man forgets himself. Can you bring yourself to forgive me?”

Paxon’s hand tightens convulsively on their phone, and the other is growing white-knuckled on the steering wheel, but they fight very hard to keep their voice light.

“I think the fact that I didn’t kill your cargo the second I heard his name proves I’m the forgiving sort— to a point,” they say brightly.

“His— oh. Oh!” Pax frowns, bracing themself to hear whatever unpleasantness the man is revving up for, but then the voice in his ear softens. “That’s right, isn’t it? It’s been— too many years.”

“I always wanted a son,” the man says in a voice that makes Pax shudder all the way down to their toes.

“Want whatever you want,” Pax says through numb lips. “I want three hundred thousand.”

The old man hums. Pax has been real careful about that amount— high enough to sound real, but not high enough to be refused outright.

“What do you say to one-fifty, dear? I want what you’re bringing me, but there’s no reason to take an old man’s savings, is there?”

There’s an awful snakey smile in his voice, now, and although Pax fucking hates all these stupid mind games, they’re fairly confident that this is a test.

“Well fuck you too, then,” they snap, and make sure to brush their phone against the side of their face so he can hear them removing it from their ear.

“Alright, alright,” he calls loudly, laughing, and Pax releases the breath they’ve been holding and brings the phone back up. “I just wanted to be sure you meant business, old friend. Three hundred it is.”

Thank you, god. “I ain’t your friend, shithead,” Pax says sweetly, and allows themself a moment to celebrate their victory before the man’s voice pipes up in their ear again.

“Well, Paxon, dear,” he says. “Is that all? I know your— cargo— can be a handful. Tell me— is it giving you trouble? Perhaps I’ll have to scrounge up a finder’s fee by way of apology.”

Pax wants to squeeze their eyes shut. But they’re driving. So the most they can have is one extra-long blink.

“He looks just like you,” Pax says, and hangs up on the man’s happy sigh.

They drive in silence, faster than they need too, like if they press their boot down on the gas hard enough they’ll stop feeling dirty. It doesn’t work, or course— it never does— so instead they run over old memories like they’re picking at wounds instead, and then their hand tightens on the phone until the plastic creaks in their fist.

“Vic Michaelis,” they say, like a curse and also a promise. “I’m gonna take a bath in your blood, you fucking shithead.”

——

Pax almost jumps out of their skin when they glance in the rearview mirror and see Kent Graves staring out the window at the dark countryside, looking tired and a little ill but most definitely awake. 

They slip their phone into their pocket— it’s been switched off for only a little more than fifteen minutes now— and shoot a grin into the mirror, hoping it’ll look more genuine than it feels.

“Mornin,’ sleeping beauty,” they say softly. “You sleep okay?”

Kent blinks slowly, first up at Pax and then down to the clock on the dashboard. “Oh,” he says, his pretty voice a little scratchy with sleep. “I guess it is morning, huh? Have you been driving all night?”

Eyes back on the road, they shrug. “Guess so. No big deal. Not my first all-nighter.” They smile up at the mirror again. It seems fairly clear that he’s just woken up and didn’t hear a damn thing, and their spirits are quite high at the moment, end of the world or no. They kind of like Kent in spite of themself— the longer they can go on being friends the better, as far as Pax is concerned. “I’m in a hell of a lot better shape than either of you two kids, anyway.”

Kent shifts, winces, readjusts his position to put less pressure on his broken bones. “I— guess that’s true,” he croaks. “I feel like we’re taking advantage of your kindness, though. We can stop for a while anytime, if you want.”

Pax grins at the dark road ahead of them. This far upstate, there aren’t that many street lights, and they haven’t passed a single other car in hours, now. It’s a bit ominous. Pax grins harder. “Naw,” they say brightly. “Safer to be moving, anyway.”

Pax has their eyes on the road, but they hear the frown in Kent’s voice when he responds softly, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

There’s a pause. The truck rumbles along smoothly under them. They are getting fairly tired, actually.

“Hey— Paxon?”

Pax smiles up at the mirror. Kent is fidgeting in his seat like a little boy, his hands folded together in his lap. “What is it, sunshine?” Pax prompts, when he doesn’t continue.

“Can I ask you a question?”

Uh oh. Pax’s smile tightens a little at the corners, but they force themself to relax. “Sure, kid, shoot.” 

Kent examines his hands for a long time, and Pax watches him in the mirror, their hands tightening on the steering wheel.

“Do you know this part of the state at all?” he asks finally. “I’m, uh— I’m not totally— “

Pax blinks, and then laughs harshly, startled. “Sunshine, do you— do you not know where you’re going?”

Kent shrugs, looking up at the mirror through his lashes. “Not entirely, no.”

Pax shakes his head, grinning. “That’s fucking hilarious, sunshine. Yeah, I grew up upstate, but it’s been a long time. What do you know?”

“Uh.” Kent laughs awkwardly, picking at his face a little. “Well, I—PAXON!”

“Wha—” Pax looks back through the windshield just in time to see an unmistakably human form crouched in the road.

“Fuck!”

They yank the wheel to the side without thinking and their head smacks smartly into the steering wheel when the car plows into and halfway through the guardrail, which causes their vision to go bright and starry for a few seconds. They feel Kent’s weight slam into the back of their seat, and mostly just hear Sol jerk awake swearing.

The occupants of the truck sit still for a moment, a little shell-shocked, and then the front airbags deploy.

“Aw shit fuck goddammit,” Sol spits, shoving the fabric away from his face. “I am never getting in a car again—” 

“Did we hit her?” Kent croaks urgently, rubbing his forehead where it must have struck Pax’s seat.

“Did we hit who?” Sol barks.

“I’m not sure,” Pax says, reaching up to see if their head is bleeding. It isn’t, so far. “I don’t think so.”

“Hold on—what the hell are you doing?” Sol yells. Christ, that kid is loud. Pax winces— and then turns back to find that Kent is trying to push his door open. 

“Now you just wait right there, sunshine,” Pax barks. “Are you out of your mind?”

“Wh—” Kent stares from Pax to Sol, looking honestly confused. Maybe he hit his head harder than Pax thought. “Are you? There’s a little girl in the road in the middle of nowhere! I’ve gotta go see if she’s okay!”

He went for the door again, but Sol nearly leapt into the backseat to grab his arm. “Hey— hold your damn horses! She could be crazy!”

Kent shook him off. “We can’t know that from here,” he snapped.

“You don’t even have a weapon, dumbass! If you keep doing dumb-ass shit like this you’re gonna get yourself killed—”

“Good!”

Sol freezes like a popsicle. Kent yanks the door open and stumbles out onto the shoulder. Recovering, Sol yells “H—Hey, dumbass, wait the hell up!” and runs out after him.

“God fucking dammit,” says Pax, and reaches into the backseat for their sword.