#wait im having a mixed feelings rn hold tf on

[petrichor-reminiscence]

more restoration thots

so, this is me just copy-pasting my original notes i was taking while watching, and i took them on my phone so uh apologies for any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors lol ^^; i cleaned it up the best i could but if i missed anything uh no i didn't

note below the cut, spoilers!

the retro convention opening is WILD lmao, keepsake coozie

lmao box canyon bozos 8 love that

this convention is so funny

typing on my phone im dying

all mysteriously disappeared

???

undisclosed oooooooh lmao

Dylan Andrews hasn't met the reds and blues, confirmed retcon then?

KAIIIII

WOOOOOOO

her intro music? iconic

oh shit

"you bitches are on your own"

"epic" LMAO

OMFG IS THAT LOCUS

NO ITS META

OH FUCK

FUCK FUCK FUCK

IM DYING KFKGKKGKGK

why does this intro feel like a marvel movie

THE REDSSSSS

WOOOOO

WHERE IS DONUT

WHERE IS LOPEZ

SCREAMING

"that's me hi I'm grif"

IN CHARGE OF AMMO LETS GO HAHAHA

"I'm morally opposed to counting"

"I think counting is a gateway drug to mathematics" LMAOO

THE BACKWARDS ONE HAHAHAHAHA PHENOMENAL WAY TO SAY DIVISION

DND REFERENCE

"why are we even here"

WHERE ARE THEY

GRIF STOP GETTING META I WILL CRY

he'll have Lopez do the inventory BUT WHERE IS LOPEZ

BLUE BASE?!?!

SHEILA SOUNDS WRONG

so does caboose, but that's a given

I've gotta gonna stomach it jfjgkgkg

Lopez also sounds wrong

CABOOSE CAN SPEAK SPANISH?!?!

W H A T

HAH can only speak but not understand that is so caboose

okay Sheila is starting to sound a bit more normal

oh fuck is the light epsilons message?!

IT IS THEY PULLED A STARWARS

OH SHIT

OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT

LOPEZ SPEAKING IN ENGLISH WITH THE SPANISH SUBTITLES

IM DYING HOLY SHIT

is this after thirteen or seventeen? I'm thinking thirteen because Dylan hasn't met them but I can't fucking tell quite yet

unsc military hospital?!?!

IS THIS WHERE WASH IS

OMFG IT IS HE HAS A KITTY ON THE NIGHTSTAND

DOC

he's in pt bitch what happened

screaming

kfmgkkglgmf

"I think I've earned my issues with authority"

DOC KNOWS ABOUT HIS IMPLANTATION TROUBLES NOW?!

he doesn't remember a lot of that??

I'm screaming omfg

someone else's memories? man wash is goin through it

WASNT MUCH OVERLAP IN THEIR PERSONALITIES?!?!? SCREAMING

doc and omega are similar

wash DID feel everything alpha felt confirmed

where tf is tucker

shipyard?

WHOM

is this locus give me locus

NO ITS META TUCKER

theta sounds like apple bloom lmao

tucker is flashing?!?!

SIGMA SHUT

omfg poor tucker I'm gonna start fucjing crying

w h a t

omfg the ship charons ship

Simmons is in charge of zingers

Simmons stop saying sick burn ill cry

caboose sounds so wrong but I'll still have to suck it uppppp

tucker been missing for months again JDJKGKG

everything feels so off im gonna cry

why is grif so aggressive rn?!

oh shit here comes sheila lmao

grif holy shit what is WRONG with you right now?

the music is so evil omfg

CHURCH

he's still dead

lmao I love him

so the rest of the seasons WERE simulations!! gotcha gotcha retcon confirmed

Simmons oh my god you are going crazy

wait no wonder everything feels off

they've been going insane by themselves after everything at chorus ofc they'd act differently

"did you tell ALL the simulations they're real?" "... no?"

"I can't predict how to communicate with caboose" I love this

HAHA HIS WEIRD BRAIN I LOVE THAT

he's literally pyroland tbh

he's so off but I still love him

animated infographic LMAO

there better be fucking sand cutting or slime videos to the side lol

"I hope there's ads!"

OMFG DAVID CAMP CAMP CAMEO

lmao ofc sarge is in a political echochamber lmao

LMAO HE MADE A META JUMPSCARE CHURCH THAT WAS SO UNECESSARY I LOVE YOU

he added a bow-chicka-bow-wow for tucker

aw tucker :(

the visuals omfg

CRYING BABY NOISES IM KFKGKG

CHURCH ON A THERAPY COUCH

LMAO THE DIRECTOR IS THE THERAPIST

"I'm taking full accountability for holding someone else accountable"

oh shit tucker was the great destroyer! holy fuck!

destined to destroy their enemies, the humans

oh shit felix

he's a mix of fucking EVERYONE?!

even felix?

HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?!

lmao real tucker was the best soldier

he sells tshirts

fuck he withheld the epsilon fragment uh oh

uh oh potential alpha that's unpredictable and terrifying

lol the reds are gonna say no aren't they

this whole epic build up with the help us question? they're gonna say no

HAHA THEY JUST LEFT CALLED IT

LMAO

jesus grif be nice to caboose im gonna have to smack him

simmonssss cmonnnn

caboose noooooo

my heart is breaking rn

oh fuck meta tucker

HES BACK ON THE SHIP

the echo of tuckers actual voice im screaming

oh shit gammas time deception shit noo dont torture my boy

sigmaaaa you are so evil you bastard

oh shit omega

TUCKERS ECHO IM SCREAMING

I can't tell if sigma is actually elijah or not rn

oH shit ten years of torture??

NOOO!!

TUCKER NOOOOOOO

HIS SCREAMING IM GONNA DIE

oh fuck

i'm kfkgkfllskdogo this is more heartbreaking than i expected

YAY WASH TIME

the fucjing recording in the hospital i hate this

this feels like a containment situation not an actual hospital

DR GRAY

oh fuck them treating him like he's crazy

no I'm gonna

gray I will have to fight you

ADMIRAL DONUT?!?!

DOC YOU TOO?!

screaming

CALLING HIM DAVID OH SHIT

gray I wanna hit you

oh poor wash this fucking gaslighting I'm idkgkvkv

oh my god they need to get him out of there wtf

they're treating him like a crazy dementia patient

omfg there they go

there goes the reds in the warthog aka puma

omfg sarge shooting him while talking to him kdkgkvk

479er!!!

SC REAMING

cant tell if its her same va but at this point that's to be expected

omfg epsilon never liked her lol

haha serial killer caboose

THE SLOW TURN CABOOSE AHAHAHA

omfg they are going back to hargroves ship

oh shit they're going for the recovery unit!

his random shut up caboose moments lmao

uh oh pure stealth

lmao immediately abandoning it just like i expected

lmao sarge talking about blasting through everything for eight minutes

lmao even epsilons fragment memory message shit is sleeping haha

dammit sarge

omfg caboose still has his confetti gun

WHERE IS FRECKLES GIVE ME FRECKLES

caboose yelling pew pew omfg and him and sarge back to back im loving this

there's no one in the room

CABOOSE WINS THE PARADE

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

lmao command went to zoom LOL

THEM COMING IN THE ZOOM WITH THE FUCKING GREENSCREEN BACKROINDS AND POUNTING WEAPONS LMAOOO

THE CAT FILTER AHAHAHA

he muted himself

screaming omfg

SOMEONE SAID CHAT

HOLY SHIT

oh shit they're in the main room

grif better find the gridshit

*grifshit

fuck

whatever you get the idea

oh fuck the metas armor TUCKERS THERE

OH FUCK

they're so dumb

they're so fucking dumb

"we're so fucking dumb" EXACTLY WHAT I SAUD

SARGE SAID MONKEYING ABOUT AHAHAHA

oh fuck

chrome dome lmao

oh fuck they're getting their asses kicked

church's late warning lmao

LMAO HES BEATING THEM WITH THE HEALTH KITS

OH FUCK

aw simmons standing in front of caboose trying to talk to tucker

im gonna cry

I'm gonna fucking cey

I fucking jfjgkkgkvb

stop stop stop it stop it

simmons is just making him mad by talking about how shitty blue team i'm fuckin oasigjsdaoigj

NO NOT CABOS

OH FUCJ

NO NO NO NO

I swear to god

THE REDS FUCKIN LEFT

or well they tactically advanced

tucker coming through at intervals

"dont feel bad afterwords I forgive you" FUCK

TUCKER LETTING HIM RUN OFLGKBKH

IM GONNA CRY

did sarge go to save caboose?!

OH ,my GOD

NO NO NO

TUCKER META IS MAKING ME WANNA DIE

SARGE HUZZAH

FUCK YEAH SARGE LETS GO

OH SHIT HE WAS BADASS FOR A MOMENT UNTIL HE RAN OUT OF AMMO

OH FUCK HES BADASS RIGHT NOW

YO

sarge is killing these one liners holy shit

OH FUCK THE SWORD

SARGE JUST GOT STABBED

NO NO NO NO NO NO

NONONONONONONO

FUCK OFF THAT ONE TUMBLR USER WAS RIGHT IM SO PISSED

OH FUCK DID THEY REALLY KILL HIM

FUCK

him holding simmons arm im kfkgkgk

grif on the verge of tears with his voice cracking nooooo

HES TALKING TO THEM LIKE THEYRE HIS SONS

HE SALUTED SARGE

HES GIVING SIMMONS HIS SHOTGUN

HE TOLD HIM HES PROUD OF HIM

"grif?" "I'm here sarge" like INSTANTLY

GRIF AND SRGES MOMENT

SARGE BELIEVED IN HIM

FUCK

NO THIS HURTS

"remember that for me" OH FUCK OFF NO

HES GONE I CANT I CANT I CANT I CANT

okay back to wash

let this man free ffs

doc with a medical mask as a disguise

omfg doc busting him out

BLOOD GULCH

THEY BURIED HIM IN BLOOD GULCH

this time they had to actually bury him for realsies

aw he's got a button for vaguely southern insults

them talking about sarge I'm gonna aklglgkhkb

aw he the official leader and his first decision is??

he's discharging grif

OH MY GOD HES SETTING HIM FREE

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

"come with me" !!!

NFKLGLGKGKGKG

they're together they love each other and they need to make out right now

omfg

simmons is gonna stay and help as a good leader

I love him so much OH my god

WHY ARE WE HERE KFKFKVKG

grif please don't leave please

OMFG YAY

FOR OLD TIMES SAKE

SARGE WOULDVE WANTED IT

he never gave up on grif im gonna cry

I'm already crying what am I saying

GRIF SALUTED SARGES GRAVE KDKFKKF

omfg is church gonna get his body back??

I KNEWIT

CABOOSE WAS GONNA DO HIS THING

I KNEW IT FROM THE MOMENT HE GRABBED THE OTHER MEMORY UNIT THING

HES GONNA TELL CABOOSE HOW TO BRING HIM BACK

we lost one leader in 13, then got one back kinda with his messages, then lost one AGAIN, then maybe gaining another one

omfg them trying to tell him they can't bring him back

him repeating memory is the key im fkkgkvf I'm screaming

aw their memories of blood gulch

them sitting there reminiscing on old memories I'm gonna fucjing cry

THE MUSIC DOESNT HELP FUCK OFF

FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF

they're all laughing and reminiscing I'm gonna jfkgkkgkg

omfg the memory unit glowing

THE FLASHBACKS I CANT

the three worst soldiers ever

it's so true though, they are The Worst and I love them so much

oh fuck metas here

oh no

HE HAS THE GRIFSHOT WOOOO

"ready?" "no simmons I am not" about sums it up

simmons fumbling with the shotgun

them charging so slowly with like no motivation omfg it hurts

DOC AND WASH JFKGOGOKGG

oh fuck wash is gonna do something stupid

lmao I love them

OH FUCK WASH

OMFG

"one last story to tell"

omfg he's telling the story about church and tex

kfkgolglglgkvk about og leonard and allison

I can't

"one last adventure grif"

i'm screaming

they're all gonna die aren't they

oh fuck meta is kicking their asses

please church or anyone come back im kfkglg

istg are they gonna kill off everyone except for church?? reverse season 13?

oh fuck there goes diamond arm

*simmons

caboose telling the whole story of church and alpha and the whole lineage is fucking beating me up

the memory shit

CABOOSE SHUT UP IM GONNA DIE

the best memories never die"

CHUR CH OMFG CHURCH????

[7:54 AM]CHURCH CHURCH CHURC H CHURCH?!

lmao grif calling him sir

SIMMONS A CC EPTING HIS LEADER ROLE

FUCK

someone stepped on him, meta?

oh fuck is meta

OH FUCK

omfg Simmons is being a badass

"cmon you dirty blue"

FUCK SIMMONS IS BADASS TN IM KFKKGKV

why is he showing off

OH ITS CUZ HIS ROBOT ARM BROKE HAHA

reminding me of why he was my literal first fictional crush- i mean what who said that

THE SHOTGUN NOOOOOO

WASH SHOW UP RIGHT NOW

WASH COME ON

OMFG CABOOSE

he got thrown?

THEJEEP?!

WHO THREWW THE JEEP

WHO TF THREW THE JEEP

CHURH OR WASH MAYBE

UH OH

TEX?!?!?!

TEX!!!!!!

TEX!!!

TEX IS BACK TEX IW BACK TEX IS BACK

HER IN CHURCHS BODY IM

HEYRE FIGHTING OMFG

jsjfkgkJGKVKVKKGKG

:because I wanted to win" I LOVE HIM

he brought back tex ON PURPOSE

OMFG THEYRE GONNA HELP

ope there they go, so helpful

fucking wash you're a dumbaaa

oh fuck recovery beacon?!

Oh FUCK

LMAO

wash is a dumbass he broke his leg

oh fuck what did he do

wash what did you do

NO HE PULLED A SEASON 8 TEX ON HER

HE BROKE HER BACK LIKE SHE DID TO META IN 8 NOOO

NOOOO

TEX NOOOOO

OMFG THE DROP POD MAINES DROP POD

MAINES DROP POD WHO IS IN IT

CAROLINA!!!!

CAROLINA SHES HERE SHES HERE

YES I MISSED YOU

"she's tex jr" LMAO

CMON LINA THE DEATH BATTLE PREDICTED YOUR WIN COME ON

at least I think she won the death battle vs meta ^^;

TEX!!!

OMFG SHES GONNA GO THROUGH THE PORTAL AND TURN BLACK

OMFG MOTHER AND DAUGHTER REUNITING

THE MUSIC HER MUSIC

JRJFJ B B JGKGI

"she's back in black... stuff" ICONIC

HOLY FUCK

KICK HIS ASS GIRLS!!!!!

THE MUSIC FOR ROUND ONE BULLFIGHT LETS GOOO

FUCK

omfg caboose wtf are you doing

caboose

holy shit

caboose what the fuck

I love him

oh shit

the wall is crumbling

oh fucl

oh fuck blood gulch is breaking

this is symbolic somehow to me but my brain is dead too MUCH

"not my fault, someone put a wall in my way" YES ICONIC YES WOOO

THERE GOES THE SWORD

FUCK

LINA NO

LINA NO

TEX FUCK YES FUCK HIM UP

Istg if they make washilina canon im killing myself

oh fuck tex!

NO!!!

I'm sad now

FUCK NO HE HAS HIS GUN META HAS TAKEN BACK THE GRIFSHOT

NO HE STABBED HER

SHIT

SIGMA HOLY SHIT

SHES IN A ROBOT BODY THO SO MAYBE SHE'LL BE OKAY???

stop calling her a shadow :( I'll cry

LITERALLY SEASON 8 REFLECTIONS HOLY SHIT

DAYUM SIGMAS CHEEKS

are they gonna use the car again

holy shit she's based on caboose and the rest of em

YES SHE ALWAYS KICKED THEIR ASSES

YES TEX LETS GO

SOME T ING SOMETHING ABOUT OTHERS MEMORIES INSTEAD OF DIRRCTORS SDAJGOIASDJ SCREAMING

HAHA SHE GOT HIS NUTS AND ITS NOT GRIF FOR ONCE LOL

LETS GO

"like some kind of ball? from sports?"

SARGE IS BACK LIKE MUFASSA

DONUT IS BACK IN A CHEERLEADER OUTFIT

YEAH

WOOOO

"that was the best throw... ever. of all time." SCREAMING

FUCK YEAH THAT NERD HAS A REALLY GOOD ARM

TEX GET HIM PLEASE

she got him!!!

[8:06 AM]OH ,fuck

THETA NO MY HEART HURTS :(

HAHA SIGMA FUCK YOU CRY ABOUT IT

TEX NOOOOOO!!!!

I mean she had to go too ig

:(

CHURCH?

tex!!

OMFG HIM AND TEX HIM AND TEX

THEYRE TOGETHER AGAIN FINALLY

THEYRE TOGETHER AGAIN THEYRE TOGETHER AGAIN

THEM WALKING OFF IOSADJGOASDJG

LEANORD AND ALLISON FJVKGKKVKBKVKVLGPPFOG

TUCKER PLEASE BE OKAY OH MY GOD

HES OKAY THANK GOD

OH MY GOD

FUCK YEAH

they're back home:) I'm crying

"ow-sicka-ow-ow

Simmons I love you

Simmons I love you so much

but tucker is right dont ever do that agai

lmao kept asking if there were hot nurses I love you tucker

aw them reminiscing about tex and carolina handling it well!

CABOOSE DESTROYED IT

THERE THEY GO

ITS OVER

SHE SAID GOODBYE TO TEX

HE SAID GOODBYE TO CHURCH

NO

IM HURTING

it's over Lina is right

"the right part is the part that is the sad part"

me too buddy

lol wash breaking his leg, dumbass

doc being an actual medic? lets go lets go

OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK

HES BEEN IMAGINING DOC THIS WHOLE TIME?!?!?!

FUCK

HOLY FUCK

OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

"is the floating eye in the room with us right now wash?"

OH SHIT WAIT

NORTH!!!!!

YORK!!!!

FLORIDA FLOWERS!!!1

CT!!!

MAINE!!!!!

I'm screaming I'm actually screaming

omfg it was all Carolina talking

her and wash having the sweetest moment

if they kiss I'm killing myself

"am I gonna be okay?"OIASJGIOSDJGIOSDAJGOIAS STOP BEING ME AGENT WASHINGTON

MY HEART BREAKS FOR HIM OASIDJGSDA

"were gonna be it together" they better be siblings or I'm killing myself

oh shit it's 9er!!!

OMFG ITS ONE LMAO

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA AND THE FUCKIN MUSIC TOO

lol ofc had an entire room full of shotguns

grif is gone now? :(

he's leaving I cant my heart hurts

omfg there they are

"hey Simmons"

"yeah?"

"did you ever figure it out?"

SCREAMING

GRIF YOURE GONNA MAKE ME CRY

FUCJ GRIF IS REALLY LEAVING

THERE HE GOES

FUCK THIS HURTS

MY HEARTBHURTS

lmao caboose screaming at him

"beat it!"

lmao I love them

he's apologizing for the shitty war lmao

HAHA THEY WERENT GOOD CABOOSE YOURE RIGHT

that's it

it's over

everything hurts

it WAS og sheila!! i wonder why she sounded so off to me

META WAS MILES LETS GOOOO good for hm!

the pictures of their old stuff too

I'm so fucjijg

jfjgkkg

ouchies

like can you not

SECRET ENDING AYO?!

"bow-chicka-bye-now!" TUCKER IM GOING TO KMS

(after a good sob-sesh lol)

now that i am semi-alive and semi-coherent, here are some (potentially) rational thoughts and feelings

wash's ptsd? FUCK dude. doc being a hallucination the whole fucking time?! FUCK dude. i, that hurt me so much, i'm fucking OWIES. as a ptsd-having bitch myself, uh, hey OUCH. carolina reminding him that the memories will live on, that it wasn't his fault, and it all manifesting in the old freelancers i'm gonna oijdgoidasjg i'm gonna kms i swear to god i swear to gOD this is it this is the last fucking straw

and SARGE

fucking SARGE

that was fucking awful

i loved it and i wanna kms

the way he died sacrificing himself for a fucking blue

the way he told simmons he was proud of him, told grif he never gave up on him even when grif himself had given up, giving SIMMONS HIS SHOTGUN.

man.

them burying him at blood gulch, simmons becoming team leader and having a badass moment only to be instantly cut down by the meta is both so silly and so fucking aosidgjdsoaigjd hhhhh

badass simmons supremacy

missing season 15 knife simmons right about now :((

and the fucking GRIMMONS

FUCK DUDE

simmons finally getting everything ready and in order for grif to be free

if you love something set them free or whatever

FUCK DUDE MY HEART HURTS SO MUCH

and the new va for caboose was trying his damndest and i'm so proud of him

and caboose bringing back TEX INSTEAD OF CHURCH BECAUSE HE KNEW THEY'D NEED HER?! AND TEX BEING RESURRECTED IN THE MEMORIES OF THE ONES WHO SAW HER AS BADASS INSTEAD OF A FAILURE?1 CHURCH AND TEX FINALLY GETTING THEIR HAPPY FUCKIGN ENDING?!!??!?!?!

im

thank you burnie for that one at least

you did angry mom and angry dad a service

tex just being forgotten, being fucked over, that was never satisfying to me, it always just hurt so much, i'm so glad they got the ending they deserved

i'm screaming

i'm gonna fucking cry

AND SO MANY FUCKING CALLBACKS TO SEASON 8, CUZ LIKE AFTER THAT I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S WHEN BURNIE WASN'T WRITING IN THE FRONT SEAT ANYMORE

I'M ACTUALLY GONNA FUCKING OIADSJGOISDAJG

and poor wash, no wonder i felt so fucking sick to my stomach watching all of the scenes with him, just, the ptsd and everything like that FUCK dude

he just like me fr man :(

and can we talk about ADMIRAL DONUT?!

FUCKING ADMIRAL?! DONUT LET'S GO YOU'RE THE FUCKING BEST

and him appearing to simmons in his mind in a cheerleader fit was fucking phenomenal 10/10

everything feels so empty right now

fuck nothing has made me wonder 'why are we here?' more than this moment right now

my dread is gone, it's all over, we've reached the conclusion and i've seen it and i don't have to wait anxiously anymore

but everything hurts right now man :(

and the ending with wash and lina i genuinely could not tell if they were pushing romance or not

i think they were purposefully keeping it vague to keep shippers from going haywire, or maybe it was really just platonic sibling 'i'll be there for you' love

they are the siblings ever. of all time.

AND SIMMONS HAVING A DAMN GOOD THROWING ARM?! HELLO?!

WASHINGTON SAYING THAT WAS THE BEST THROW EVER OF ALL TIME?!

CABOOSE SYAING NOT MY FAULT SOMEONE PUT A WALL IN MY WAY?!

i'm

this is too much

idk i want him to sleep but i am so unwell right now i fucking dioajgoidsjgiodsjg

but tex and church got their ending and i'm gonna try to focus on that

plus, it's fictional, we can write all the fix-its or aus we want

i need to remember that

it's impactful to me, it's been my whole fucking life basically, but it's a story and i don't want to let myself suffer genuine consequences from stressing out over a story

it'll be okay

church and tex got their happy ending it HAS to be okay

aaaaand these were my brain-rot notes! lmao hope any of y'all enjoyed reading my reactions here to some scenes haha

[raamitsu]

you’re telling me this was the start of his journey as the time leaper i-

[beigejournals]

Season 5 Lucifer

welcome to my unsolicited thoughts about Season 5 of Lucifer.  

as an avid and veteran series binger AND a talker-while-watching-a-movie-or-series-but-does-not-want-to-spoil-anything-for-my-friends type of person, i have finally dedicated a space and found a good way to let all my thoughts out as i watch a movie or series when i am alone when i can’t bother a lot of people because (1) they don’t want to be bothered and (2) i don’t want to spoil things for them.

so here are my thoughts, and of course, SPOILERS AHEAD.

BTW, i LOVED all of Lucifer! but this season was a slow burn for me. 

ep1

drug scene at Lux; is Amenadiel mean now?

so is Lucifer himself in his own hell loop when he became the ruler of hell? his own guilt towards his father? idk (to be frank, i don’t remember the past episodes except for the fact that he is now back in hell)

the premise of the first episode is cute!

side note after the title card: i remember how much i loved the soundtrack for Lucifer!

Maze is still hot.

I love how Maze and Chloe’s relationship developed and how they don’t have to use words to communicate.

Amenadiel’s and the Psychologist’s house HAHAHAHA i love it.

is Charlie Jesus? His mom’s faith in front of Ella is like every mom plus every religious person ever haha

YES. ELLA. YOU. DESERVE. A. GOOD. GUY.

self-improvement is now a meme, huh?

Dan is me.

comment on drug scene: Amenadiel is still the same, haha!

Maze and the card, haha!

how was the guy in the mask face (did i just say mask face?) blurred but in the party, Los Angeles was in perfect accuracy. excuse me.

coming out of the dead: “oh sorry, that’s so gross!” LORDT HAHA

love you, Charlie! hope you don’t feel like you have to perform because your mom expects a lot from you and that’s so ironic because she’s a psychologist!

Dan’s speeches about parenting: i get it tho, parents try to love their child, sometimes, they just don’t know how

also, i think it’s the sister but Chloe’s just a softie

lol Maze is jealous that Chloe got to talk to Lucifer and trying to say that they don’t need Lucifer.

OOF MAZE.

i forgot about what happened with Eve.

GUYS THE MURDERER IS LITERALLY GOING TO ESCAPE.

the amount of projection as defense mechanism in this episode is too much it feels like it’s too on the nose.

but i do love the parallel between what’s happening on Earth and in hell.

the amount of layers in this question either it’s Lucifer’s or his or his sister’s (assuming it is his sister who was behind his murder)

ok apparently it’s not his sister.

me in law school:

sana all kaya kang mahalin na babalik from hell. kilig aq.

also, after all these years, Lucifer’s house has been so clean!!! wala man lang alikabok

if she’ll be fine without him then who tf is that?

ok i read the synopsis for the next couple of episodes. i don’t like spoilers. don’t make the same mistake.

ep2

i’m Ella when it comes to my friends’ special people HAHA

also, i love the slight lean to one side to show us that this is not the real Lucifer.

why does he have to be naked???

it’s so funny for me how they have to reestablish him. LUCIFER NEVER LIES HAHAHAHAHA yes we can remember now after you repeated it 3x.

ALSO WHY IS EVERYTHING TO ON THE NOSE. EVERY SECOND IS A METAPHOR FOR SOMETHING. was it always like this?

Oh Michael. Nice. Was he an archer? We love the American accent.

how can Amenadiel not know that was Michael? GANON KA IDENTICAL SIZ?

we love the unnecessary car chase just to  reinstate the fact that this is a crime show

that slomo with the wings!!!

also everything is so slow with this show!!! idk why but everything feels just a little bit slower (or maybe i just want lucifer and chloe to be together? idk)

gwapo ni lucifer nung nagmomol sila ni Maze pls

cringe ng elevator scene

ykw. i think it’s because i like the lucifer character that’s why i’m impatient. he hasn’t been appearing the way i want him to.

see. you don’t have to remind me so much about the show because i know he was supposed to say “what is it that you truly desire” not fear. I FEEL LIKE THIS SEASON IS DUMBING THE PEOPLE WHO LOVED THE SHOW FOR SO LONG. okay sige.

either she knows it’s not him or SHE’S REALLY THAT NICE AND POWERFUL OF A HUMAN BEING.

oh i’ve been questioning whether they had sex already and this episode answered my question

CRINGE coffee scene: the spoon???

random question: are angels virgins? so is Michael a virgin?

what kind of a person would just go deep on someone else’s pocket just because they ran out of money?

knew it Maze won’t do Chloe dirty like that!

thanks Chloe. u know better than that. (full disclosure: I THOUGHT SHE WAS ACTING BADLY APPARENTLY A GOOD ACTOR CAN ACT BADLY TO PROVE A POINT?)

literally just liked it and now there’s a new secret that was said too soon.

God baka naman pwede mo ko gawing Chloe Decker char.

AH so interesting. Lucifer = Desire. Michael = Fear. Too on the nose again but that time, i needed the guidance because i am a dumbass.

God ain’t raising his children right!

ep3

yes explain everything to me it’s literally not like we have been binging this show for 2 hours straight

see, the Lucifer character is really endearing. i’m enjoying myself again hahaha. (well, i guess Lucifer when he’s with Chloe?)

can i just say that Tom Ellis was born for that role. he fits is so well that him acting as his own twin doesn’t sit well with me.

i just feel like this show was written by a psychologist who liked watching murder shows.

it’s Lucifer, Chloe!!! siya yon.

ep4

love Lucifer-Chloe tandem!

we love how the actors can sing and the show gives them a chance...

one thought: is everyone going to play a double of who they are?

also is Maze the daughter of Lucifer?

i love how they’re transcending mediums, reminds me of Community with their random episodes.

there you go, Chloe’s doing the double acting too.

Now it’s Linda. (so maybe this is the episode i was asking about earlier).

Now it’s Ella.

omg is this why i loved fleabag, it took forever for the Priest and Fleabag to finally do it? no. i just love the Priest.

Charlotte’s back! and the distance from the table shows how not okay they are. okay.

green screen while driving i love it.

now, Daniel!

we love gender fluidity? i guess. i’m not sure how you call it but i appreciate.

Lilith’s dress for the second song. OMG.

there again to make us dumb. after we just watched the whole thing happen, they retell the whole story again. damn. they think we dumb.

literally this season is making every girl kiss Chloe.

why did she blow the ring? was that her life?

what’s that song in the end?

OH that was the reason why she was retelling everything.

damn celestial beings are the worst parents.

ep5

i wanna be Dr. Linda Martin please.

i appreciate Lucifer wearing the bracelet until now. (but i expected nothing less)

i’ve always loved how people reacted to Amenadiel. he always seemed nerdy but these are times where he truly shine and im so happy.

i forgot.  i think i was showering that time that Michael and Lucifer fought and theyre hella dumb. ok lets go toxic masculinity mixed with daddy issues.

i know they’re too on the nose ABOUT EVERYTHING but i do like the debate about free will and predestination

honestly i don’t know what’s Chloe’s issue is with being made by God probably just because i’m lazy and i just want to lay everything in His hands but coming from a very atheistic perspective where she comes from i kinda get it. i guess my only reasoning why i’m okay with God’s reason is with her is because of my fear of the unknown; my current fear with not knowing my true purpose. at least she got hers! what is she complaining about?

oh i get it now, but that’s why there’s free will Chloe (or idk, idk how God works; there’s currently no electricity in my house rn. i don’t get how that works even if we pay for our electricity all the time, how am I suppose to know God’s plans?)

but aren’t well created for something else? looking at a selfish perspective, maybe He created all of us just because He wanted to.

wow. literally when the nun kissed Amenadiel, the lights in our house opened up. if that ain’t God. idk who that is.

wow that’s so interesting.

“There are no shortcuts.” 🥺

he exposed himself i’m interested. what if i were the one to whom that was exposed to... how would i react?

another sample of them explaining to us WHAT WE ALREADY CAN INFER FROM THE SHOW (the conversation actually continues to dumb it down for the audience) but i get it. it’s religion and fiction built together.

oh i just cringed i almost vomited with this 

also can i just share these. these are the funniest thing Chloe said on the show.

ep6

OOF what a horrifying way to start the episode (after the beach fiasco)

they’re holding us. that’s so adorable!!!

ugh. im still cringing.

yes jowa for ella yes pls. ELLA YOU SAID YOU WANT A NICE GUY!!! HE’S THERE!!! i’ll take him if you won’t!

Chloe if you don’t want Lucifer, i’ll take him too!

can i say how proud i am of Chloe and Dan’s relationship. it’s very healthy for what they are. add Lucifer and Dan to that too! we love men.

also the women in this show have bad taste in men. (except for who Linda married, i guess)

we love the seasonal girl’s night!

that whole charlie thing being amused by lucifer’s devil face is the best bit

was it Michael calling? and oh noooo ;(

FUCKEN MICHAEL

ngl i could have waited for another season for them to have sex on season 6 episode 6 but sure have it at season 5.

ep7

we love a person who wakes up and is not pretty. princess anna who? (i mean she is wearing full on make up, but we’re okay with that snore)

Deckerstar!! they made a word for it

our mojo??? does it only work on lucifer or does it work when she does it to others as well, we shall find out.

oh no! Lucifer’s isn’t working at all HAHAHAHA

it’s currently 2:19 AM. i am tired and sleepy.

Dan talking to Charlotte 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Fucking Michael

oh he emphasized archangel Michael. with my limited knowledge being raised Catholic, i was going to ask earlier if he was an archer because he had crooked shoulders. AND I JUST CHECKED. ARCHANGEL MEANS HIGH RANKING ANGEL NOT AN ANGEL WHO’S A FUCKING ARCHER. me being raised Cathlolic means nothing. HAHAHH

now i’m realizing if i see an angel, maybe i won’t be in the situation where i’ll see Amenadiel but Michael

NO NO NO AMENADIEL

i love this HAHAHAHAHA

knew it. called it! worked on lucifer ONLY. HOW CAN TWO PEOPLE BE THAT MADE FOR EACH OTHER. LORD BAKA NAMAN.

i’m ella shipping them.

THEYRE SPEAKING TAGALOG HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH and HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

what song was that? “When it hurts, just to breathe” same

The Shining reference no thank you pls

NAAAH i really can’t do horror things especially not with things i truly fear and when i don’t have a curtain on. No thanks.

14:54 and i’m watching again open the lights bro, it’s easier to find clues that way   also i do get that they’re closing it to ensure that the killer is not there but theyre also moving like the killer is not there anyway so better open up the lights! tho i really know nothing about crime solving (i just typed crime solving instead of solving crimes didn’t i)

we stan ella’s healthy relationship!!!

can i just say there was a time where i can’t even say serial killer out loud so this is really hard for me to watch alone

i know that he’s vulnerable around the detective. BUT SHE SAID HE CHOSE TO BE SO BY NOW HE SHOULDN’T BE AFFECTED BY WHAT HE DID.

Fucken Michael.

ep8

how attractive can you be that even in slow motion, you look great.

oh apparently he did not die.

ALSO OO NGA CHLOE. US2 MO SIYA MAMATAY TEH.

CHLOE THE OVERTHINKER but i get it. BUT STILL.

you know that montage of people just studying and it’s now happening to chloe trying to solve a crime. that’s my cinematography goal HAHAHA. it’s been awhile since i’ve been invested in studying like that.

Lucifer can be just so immature some times

is KillShare based off of SkillShare?

also i’m thinking that Chloe was either taken by Michael or Dan or the SK.

that ring of Lucifer on Maze is probably the longest ring someone has waited for.

i love Maze’s eye make up! ALL THE TIME!

if the lady here is not detective and they’re relieved. that’s just fucked up, man. they were slightly relieved. that’s good acting HAHAHAHAHA.

I’M JUST PRAYING TO GOD THAT PETE REALLY IS A GOOD GUY AND NOT THE SERIAL KILLER COZ I CAN’T HATE THAT GUY PLEASE. the key and the research!!! WTF. stop trying to be smart, show!!!

his mojo is back, does that mean Chloe is gone? 😢

OH AFTER THE TAPES, I THINK IT IS THE BOYFRIEND. DAMN SHE’S REALLY INTO BAD MEN, ISN’T SHE?

I’M SO SCARED. THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME.

THE FLOWERS ARE FRIGGIN KILLING ME.

kamukha niya pa si Penn Badgley, nice.

DOES HE GENUINELY LIKE HER OR IS THE KISS TO THROW HER OFF GUARD.

AH NO. i think he genuinely likes her. except that she... you know found that he’s a fucking murderer

HAHAHA PETE

right??? why does this show have to say everything out loud like don’t already know.

oh he just used her but then he liked her. idk. the way he speaks too, so nonchalant.

preach, ELLA!!!! shout out to those who had crappy childhoods and are not serial killers! that’s the bare minimum i guess.

go, Ella!!! know your worth!

lol made me love Pete, he’s funny.

ok my assumptions were right-ish.

HAHAHA, his american accent.

his choosing to be bot vulnerable around her anymore, Michael, i think is a way of him staying alive for Chloe but ofc Chloe will think that Lucifer would rather have his vulnerability than to be with her.

baka di lang love language ni Lucifer words of affirmation, okay! HE SAVED HER LIFE SO MANY TIMES AND NOW SHE’S DOUBTING BECAUSE HE HASN’T SAID I LOVE YOU YET??? SIZ. HE LITERALLY LEFT HELL FOR YOU.

MICHAEL STOP. Michael the shit stirrer. we all have that one friend.

awa me kay Maze. she’s like a lost dog throughout the show.

does Michael want to be God?

skipped thru the speech. cringe.

what’s Amenadiel’s problem with his child having a normal cold? what’s wrong if he’s a mere mortal?

WHY IS EVERYONE IN THIS SHO’W SO INSECURE. i get so annoyed every time Chloe’s mad that Lucifer doesn’t get what he wants

it’s just that i resonate with Lucifer. it’s hard for me to say i love you and now i think Amenadiel stopped time.

oh. i thought Amenadiel’s fears about Charlie being mortal was superficial, i just realized that he was afraid that his child was going to die. but, he can take him to heaven like what he did with Charlotte, right?

oh Michael.

MAZE! MICHAEL IS A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR!!!! you’re fine! i don’t have a soul either.

celestial beings and their daddy issues and inability to communicate with one another and the desire to fight it out as if that’s the solution

HOTTEST BROTHERS EVER DAMN.

itong si God ngayon lang magpapakita anuna siz.

WHY ISN’T HE PLAYED BY MORGAN FREEMAN BUT OK.

CLIFFHANGER!!! IM MAD.

ep 8 should have been called blueballz tbh

[abiik]

@vhsgf replied to your post “this song made me realize i've never written about jason missing zoe”

heather this might be too forward and angsty of me to say (pls lmk if is) but now i am curious about zoe reacting to jason's death and then mirroring w jason coming back from the dead and then finding out his best friend is dead. like it sounds so PAINFUL but like. also i wanna know about it. heather what have you done i-

i had to put my hair up for this. im literally so emotional about this rn,,,like when am i not but STILL OKAY IT MAKES ME VERY [SCREECHES] (also a read more because this is fucking long im so sorry)

okay let’s start with zoe because jason’s death is a traumatic thing for her on like multiple points all relating back to when she was like elementary school aged (im pretty sure i have it where she’s like 8 ish when this happens). before jason and before going into the whole vigilante business – no matter what version of zoe you prefer – she loses her two younger brothers in a joker related accident. he kills them. and zoe… zoe is so,,, well she’s angry. because no one does anything. no one. not that fabled batman, not the police, not the fucking government – NOBODY. and she’s just supposed to keep living her life like everything is fucking fine because oh that’s just the way gotham is. and like why the fuck would she just keep living her life when her barely out of toddler aged little brothers are now dead?? why wouldn’t she want to do something about that?? why the fuck should she just let it roll off her back like no biggie?? (of course, this is a catalyst for her mother’s downward spiral and eventual disappearance, and then keme’s).

then of course, there’s zoe’s powers. at that age she didn’t really understand the extent of them, what she could do with them and all that, but as they develop and her own awareness of them develop, she is faced by like intense guilt and remorse. if only she’d been able to do something. if only she’d been there. if only she could’ve stopped the joker. if only, if only, if only. and like, realistically, there wasn’t much she could do. it wasn’t like she knew fully how strong she was; she’d barely gotten flying down at that point, but then she’s growing up and she realizes she never really had a limit. and she kind of has this complex, i’ve said it before but she really does try to bear the weight of the world on her shoulders, so everything that has happened to her up until this point after the twins die, it’s partly her fault; if only she could have been better, she could have saved them, she could have her mom, she could have keme – she could have her family back.

then, of course, there is in all of this her intense hatred of the joker. and by correlation to the whole fucking issue, gotham city and batman. (ive said that they kind of grow to like each other more, but when z and jay become friends and through their teen years until his death, it’s kind of like whenever youre gay and your bff is gay and you both kind of hate the other’s really fucked up parent who’s okay sometimes but isn’t all the time and you would totally like throw down with them if only there weren’t like,,,repercussions)

anyway, so when jason dies, it’s a big fucking deal. like he’d already been acting weird, bruce was worried about him, z was worried about him, and then he dies okay. and zoe… bruce doesn’t tell zoe right away. he doesn’t tell her and when zoe does find out, she. is. pissed. all of the shit with her baby brothers comes back. she wasn’t there. she wasn’t able to save him – because she sure as hell KNOWS that she could have at this point. and now he’s GONE. AND THIS ENTIRE TIME, SHE HAD NO FUCKING CLUE BECAUSE BRUCE DIDN’T TELL HER!!! she couldn’t even go to his funeral!!! and then, AND THEN, on fucking top of that – it was the joker who killed him. so jason’s death was like a fucking quadruple blow to her.

after finding out the details, zoe goes binary for the first time. and it’s… well it’s scary. it takes a whole lot of coaxing from old teammates and being physically restrained by diana (who lowkey is kinda like why?? are?? we?? stopping?? her?? from?? killing?? the?? joker??) and clark and donna, and they can’t even really knock her out because when she’s binary, there’s only really waiting out the duration of the high until she passes tf out from using too much energy. which she DOES and then after a good long talk with gran-gran, zoe’s going on a much needed retreat with diana to themyscira.

during that time, zoe’s super depressed. like reasonably, so. she’s so exhausted and she’s still angry but she’s also just like,,, so tired. she lost her best friend dude. like she loves jason so much, she loves him so much, and then he was just gone. poof! and at least, at least with atsa and ahiga, she got to like, be there for their send off. jason ends up being another hole in her life, like her dad and her mom and keme. he’s added to this list of people who all were just…g o n e. she didn’t get to mourn them. like obviously, she can, but every time she thinks about jason, she begins to spiral. (this is kind of when she starts drinking,,,, human alcohol can’t really touch her but she does therapeutically – which is!! not good!!) she also begins to distance herself – from jason’s titans (connor holds on with an iron grip and eddie still checks up on her, but rose was just as distraught and kyle is still kind of numb), from the original titans, from bruce and alfred, from diana, even from gran-gran and uncle bell. she fills the void with work as well as the alcohol that doesn’t really do anything to her except make her mouth taste gross and weird and she hates it but it’s become a habit. if she isn’t out doing some reckless thing while saving the world, then she’s at a bar or just sitting by the ocean.

she has bad dreams too, like horrible dreams. and like,,, they’re not necessarily horrific or anything,, she usually dreams about good times, memories with jason or with atsa and ahiga, sometimes some weird mixture of all three of them hanging out together and it’s the worst fucking thing because she wakes up and she wishes she was there too, that she could stay with them, because she misses them so much. she just wants her family back, she wants the family she had before jason and dick and alfred and the titans, but she also wants them too – she wants all of it.

and then it all comes to head with her dad’s sudden involvement with earth and shit. zoe sacrifices herself not only because she carries the fucking world on her shoulders and has a stupid martyr complex, but also because she thinks she’d be okay dying like this. she doesn’t. die that is. she doesn’t die but she also doesn’t come back.

jason’s revival story arc thing is all a bit murky for me bc I kind of like mix the whole waking up and clawing himself from his grave and also the under the red hood storyline (and like correct me if there is a version like that bc like,,, idk I can’t remember). anyway, so jason comes back, and like it’s kind of messy bc of timeline shit but he doesn’t really come back, come back, until z’s gone. like gone gone. like they held a funeral and everything for her. jason didn’t get to go and THAT is SHIT. like yeah, he wasn’t fucking alive, nobody fucking knows he’s alive anyway, but it still hurts.

and like,,, you know what else kind of hurts, is like he kind of thought that after he came back, if no one was on his side – if for some reason literally everyone was against him – he’d still have zoe. that’s the worst fucking part. he hears about what happened. he hears that she literally went ballistic. and like,, jason KNOWS that zoe would have his side, that zoe would be there for him, that even if she might not have agreed with some of the things he’s done, that she’d be right by his side, showing she cares. because like. like I know bruce is kind of stunted with emotional expression, but it’s really hard to feel like you’re appreciated when someone else’s love language is so fucking hard to translate, when you need constant validation, to be told you matter to be shown you matter to them and they can’t accommodate even a little bit, because of their pride or because they have to deem that you deserve it all of a sudden. and like I love bruce, but they way he treats his kids is shit. so yeah. jason feels hella alone when he comes back and his best friend, his rock, his ride or die (literally wfkejvnk) is fucking gone.

jason definitely has nightmares too. he doesn’t know how zoe died, like really know – no one does, because there hadn’t been a body. and jason’s mind can be a pretty dark place already, add on top of that the nightmares about his best friend dying the same way he did, or being like dick, who actually witnessed the explosion that ‘killed’ zoe. he can’t even fathom what zoe went through with his death, but eventually, as jason kind of comes back into the batfam and shit, he also kind of gets to be with the last of zoe’s family. gran-gran and uncle bell are much warmer than bruce wayne and that too big mansion and that cold fucking cave. jason goes to the ranch a lot, or finds himself at uncle bell’s antique shop whenever he needs a breather, to just be alone with something that close to zoe.

they literally both go through that period where they’re extremely reckless with mourning and regrets and fuck i never got to say this and fuck what could I have done differently, what could I have changed if I’d been there? but where jason is able to recover more effectively, zoe doesn’t do so well in space.

really, that song had triggered thoughts about jason going through her things, the things she left in his bedroom – that bruce refused to touch or move or anything – and just thinking back on their life together. it was definitely shorter than they expected and when jason thinks about it, it’s a whole bunch of salty anger and throat swelling sadness that has him kind of crippled. because like,,, he also knows how the twins died, he knows how it happened, not only did he have the firsthand accounts from those most effected, but also like, he read the reports. he KNOWS, and he feels kind of guilty, just a little bit, that what he did put her through a similar version to losing her baby brothers.

NREJKVNERLFEWLFJNEKR FUCK OKAY I THINK I NEED TO STOP LIKE THIS IS OBVIOUSLY JUST A BIG DUMB BUT BFJKERNFKJEN F   U   C   K  OKAY

[dcathwithoutglory-blog]

it’s jay. again. my browser just crashed. so i’m just gonna copy and paste my old intro. there’s no time to try and make it better. rip !

⌊ priyanka chopra, cis woman, antigone ⌉ ⏀ have you spoken to ALEXANDRA “ALEXA” MEHRA recently? the THIRTY-FOUR year old who’s been in seneca for SEVEN YEARS or so? either way, they always seem to remind me of FLOWERS PLACED ON A GRAVE, A RUSTY COMPASS, STORMS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT whenever i see them on main street. on a good day they’re pretty MORALISTIC, but they can also be RESISTANT. ⌊ jay, 19. est, she/her ⌉

the story of antigone that y’all probs already know but jic.

triggers: brief implication of incest but like wbk, brief mention of suicide, death, creon bein a bitch

brief overview of antigone (character + eponymous story):

antigone was born to oedipus and jocasta.

we all know what happened there. after that, oedipus was like “see no evil feel no evil” and jocasta yeet’d out of living.

her brothers went to war against each other. when creon ascended to the throne, he allowed burial for eteocles with honors, but was like “lmao if u bury polyneices i will kill u”

but antigone was like ‘lmao SURE JAN’ and tried to convince ismene, her sister, to help her bury polyneices. ismene was like ‘ok that’s a rly bad idea like good luck but count me out tbh.’

antigone is rly bad at digging graves tho so polyneices’s body was found and creon was like ‘oh my GOD’ and she’s like ‘fuck the government viva la morality!’

then creon was like ‘ok anyway rmr when i said u wld die if u buried polyneices so ig now u have to be buried alive in a tomb’ then antigone was like ‘actually i’ll be hanging myself before u can do fuck the government’

then he was like ‘at least u’ll be dead! oh wait -

Y’ALL GO SAVE EVERYONE’ but then it was too late

antigone and his son had both killed themselves and everyone, including himself, were just like

“get WREKT creon!!!!!”

alexa ( play despacito ).

triggers: suicide (x2), death (x3), mental illness implications, war, brief mentions of torture and murder

ok now onto alexandra ! so, like i did for valda, i looked up names that shared the same meaning as ‘antigone’ (which essentially means “against”) and one of the suggestions was alexa but i also wanted it to sound. super valiant. but at the same time. i wanted it to be something that could have a conversational nickname. so im already hc’ing that she has ‘despacito’ saved on her phone. also alexandra is my middle name so like?? stan list?? OK ANYWAY.

alright, so alexandra was born to a very upper-class family. her father was a politician and her mother was a successful lawyer. they provided well for the perfect nuclear family –– two sons, two daughters, a golden retriever, two cats in the yard life used to be so hard now everything is easy cause of-

like... her early life, say birth to age 14, was... nice. actually normal and nice. have i ever done that before? has my own edgelord ass ever done that before? i don’t think so.

which is why things obviously took a turn for the worse

but yeah. when she was 14, she was like “hey mom idk how to do pre-algebra” (a mood) but there was no response from her mom. so shrug city, you know? she just went to her older sister instead. but like... so much time passed.... and nothing....

finally, this nosy bitch decided to be like “ok i’m gonna go see what tf she’s doing” and that was just... a terrible idea. instead of finding her mom doing her nails or talking on the phone or any number of reasons she may not have come out yet, she found her mother hanging from the ceiling fan.

she tried to get her brothers’ and sister’s help, and they tried so desperately to help (you know, while also calling 911 and their father), but it was to absolutely no avail.

after this hella traumatizing experience, the children grew closer as the father grew farther.

he began getting lost in his own mind, sometimes accidentally mixing the past with the present, a la willy loman style. he would hold slight conversations with their ‘mother’ while at the table, then began holding them with various others from the past. it was pretty clear that his mind had just been looking for an excuse to snap, and the death of his wife had been the perfect scapegoat.

although it had originally just affected him in his home life, he began holding said conversations in the presence of people outside his family.

this is not good for a politician.

i mean it’s not good for anyone but...

his support immediately began dropping. his team gradually left him, finding there was no way he would ever be able to gain another victory if he kept on living in a limbo between the past and the present. given that he’d started ‘talking to his brother’ during one of his speeches... 

rest in peace to his career.

alexa (play despacito) was 18 at the time, her sister - 20, one of her brothers - 21, the other - 24.

they were all legal adults! some of them had even moved out! so their father figured his next move would not affect him in the way their mother’s death had!

so he shot himself.

the only people who showed up at his funeral were alexa and her sister. her eldest brother proclaimed that flying across the country would be too much of a hassle for that, and the other brother simply did not respond.

her eldest brother did, however, enlist in the army after setting legalities in place that would allow him to send money back to his siblings. he had joined simply because it was an easy opportunity (what with all of the propaganda), but his decision prompted the other brother to do the same –– this time because he was talented at ‘the art of fighting.’

and bc more money but like... get wrekt.

alexa’s sister dropped out of college to work a full-time job –– one that paid fairly handsomely. alexa took some odd jobs.

aka, everyone was trying to make money.

creon was right when he said “money! nothing worse”

so things kind of dipped when the eldest brother was killed. after an accusation that he’d become a traitor, their other brother had taken it upon himself to ‘anonymously’ torture and shoot him. but the other side did it!

which everyone knew was a lie.

because of the accusations, he was not only not allowed a military funeral, he was also not meant to be buried in any honorable fashion. instead, his body was returned to his hometown to be buried there following a quiet and uneventful funeral.

his grave was left unmarked.

nonetheless, the grave was visited every day, new flowers laid atop.

meanwhile, their other brother was considered a newfound military icon. he’d gotten rid of a ‘traitor’ (they continued to pretend it was someone from the other side, of course), he’d killed many an enemy, he’d done this and that and this and that and it all made him look so morally grey to alexa and her sister (who, granted, had yet to find out he’d killed their other brother), but like such a white knight to his fellow soldiers.

he truly rose in the ranks. it was what he was meant to do.

but the more he killed, the more he tortured, the lack of grief towards his brother’s death...

alexa’s sister wasn’t buying her hypothesis. it wasn’t necessarily because she saw their other brother was some pure being, but because she simply didn’t believe he was capable of that.

the next time alexa saw her brother, she got confirmation enough. what to do with the information, she wasn’t sure, but she knew she had to do something...

murder wasn’t the solution... she didn’t have any military connections that would allow for her to spout some lie about why he needed to be dishonorably discharged... but what he did couldn’t skate by...

to this day, she is still wondering what she can do to fuck him over. his success in the military keeps growing grander and grander, thus rendering any fake dishonorable discharge excuses completely moot. her sister still doesn’t believe that there really is a solution –– that, while it is greatly harmful, there’s absolutely nothing they can do and ruminating on it is worthless –– trying to find some quest to defeat their own brother is absurd.

although she has since moved to seneca, attracted to its small town appeal, she continues to visit her eldest brother’s grave every week –– it’s about a two hour drive, so it’s worth it.

she’s taken up work as a cemetery caretaker

because of COURSE she would.

and, although its pay is.... lousy, she’s been making due. for the tombstones no one visits any longer, first she’ll look them up to make sure they weren’t slave-owners or anything, she’ll bring them their own flowers. the dead deserve just as much respect as the living, hm?

personality.

i just realized i didn’t do this for valda (aka, i’m about to update her intro with it), but a total enneagram type 2.

too empathetic for her own good, too ‘this person whom i do not even know deserves flowers’ for her own good, too ‘i’ve got to protect _______ by doing _________’ for her own good

a capricorn

so driven by her own moral compass, she does not CARE about anything that says she has to go against it

her moral compass can be super faulty sometimes tho

pretty quick to make assumptions tbh, but has so far been right abt most of them.

so also driven by gut feelings ig

dramatic tbh. i mean she’s the adapted version of a character whose first lines contained “there's nothing, no pain—our lives are pain” SO.

also p independent (as in i said valda was independent), but her vendetta isn’t against men in general, rather just her brother who is still alive

so like,,, that said,,, holds grudges.

im bad at personality sections!! as has been stated before!! but i think the gist has been gotten across!!

wanted connections.

so rn i only have one specific one which is her sister and can be found on the wc page

will come up w/ unique ones later but until then open 2 hearing urs/brainstorming!

tl;dr.

(refer to triggers listed before the bullets.) a lot of death? like mom kills herself then dad turns into willy loman then dad kills himself. brothers both join the army. one brother kills the other brother for being accused of being a ‘traitor.’ said brother doesn’t get a proper funeral and his headstone is unmarked. the other brother rises in the rankings and alexa knows what happened. convinced her sister of it, but her sister is more logical and let her know that she was very angry too, but making her entire life about it would do nothing but endanger herself and others. moved to seneca because she liked the small town feel. still visits her eldest brother’s grave every week to leave flowers. works as a cemetery caretaker bc WHY NOT. brings flowers to graves that are either unmarked or no longer visited. i hope you read all of that and just thought ‘oh my god fckin EDGELORD’ because you’re right.

alright ! fin.

like this or hmu if you’d like to plot !

[peachyhyvck]

some of my favorite pics of mark lee

author's note: yes bitches, I'm back with another!! this one’s a tad bit different from the last, and its got almost double the amount of pictures,,, but I hope you still enjoy it, nonetheless! this pic set includes waayyy too many categories to list off so you're just gonna have to look through them and see for yourself! (’; sO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERe are,, my favorite pics of mark lee:

cute mark:

okay, but mark’s selfies are always so damn precious and they never fail to put a smile on my face

I LOOOVVEEEEE THIS PICTURE WITH ALL MY HEART!!!!! THE WAY HE GRADUALLY COVERS HIS FACE MAKES MY HEART MELT HOLY MOLY

everything about this picture is just perfect... his smile is so facking cute, and do you sEE THAT LIL DIMPLE???? ADORABLE.

I honestly don't know what the hell is going on in this picture, but his facial expression is so fucking cute that I'm squealing like a damn pig rn so,,,,

never mind -  E V E R Y  FACIAL EXPRESSION HE HAS IS JUST SO PRECIOUS AND I REALLY NEED TO FIND SOME NEW WORDS CAUSE IM JUST REPEATING MYSELF OVER AND OVER AGAIN AT THIS POINT!!!

I remember watching this for the first time and,, I kid you the fuck not,, I actually threw my phone across the room

wow..... I've never been sO soft!! for someone in my entire life.......

these might just be my 2 favorite pictures of mark lee....?? I mean, I say that about every picture, but these 2??? utterly flawless.

candid mark

I looovveee his damn hair so so sooo much in these last 4 pictures and if sm fucks with it in any way, shape, or form,,, you best watch the fuck out........ (lmaoo this was before sm went and fried his hair aGAIN but tbh I expected nothing less from them,,,)

he looks so smol and innocent in this picture and I'm barely keeping my shit together!!!!

he looks like a motherfucking prince in these photos!!!!!!! I mean, am I right or am I right ??!?!?!!?!%@$^&

idk man I just really love his smile and it truly brings happiness to my poor, dysfunctional, bitter soul

these pictures are THE definition of ethereal!!!!!!

I'm gonna take a moment to interrupt the ““cute”” theme I've got goin on to insert this (?) gem because idk what the fuck he’s doin but it really made me laugh so I thought I'd share

I think I just heaved the biggest content sigh in history because I just really, really love mark lee

disrespectful mark

idk who gave mark permission to be this blatantly rude but it sure as hell wasn't me!!!!

alright I'm really gonna need him to stop because I feel all shaken up and I'm Not okay with this at all

props to the camera person for holding their composure cause I sure as hell would’ve dropped Dead under such an intense gaze

“mark” and “tough” don't really fit together all that well, but looking at this picture I'm absolutely, 100% positive he could beat the living shit out of me

I HATE THIS PICTURE WITH EVERY DAMN OUNCE OF MY BEING!!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF TORMENT AND CHAOS THIS FUCKING PHOTO PUTS ME THROUGH??!??!!?!? IT IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF DISRESPECT AND I DEMAND THAT IT BE PUNISHABLE BY AT LEAST 5 MORE YEARS IN NCT DREAM!!!!!!

dunno what he’s doin but veins really fuck ya girl up and his arm in this photo is really testing me,,,,,,

he looks so good???? but like,, too good?????? idk. I disapprove. NEXT

these polaroids are both a blessing and a curse and the fans who got these are honestly the luckiest bitches on earth cause damn y’all really snatched yourselves a couple of winners!!!!

no no non no on Ono nono. what do you think you’re doing. stop it right now and put the fucking jacket back on!! and no more tank tops..... my heart can't handle such things........

honestly, I don't even know anymore..... I'm literally speechless......... I just don't know how its humanly possible to look That FUCking gOOD!!!! everything about this picture is messin with my head and he’s reaalllllyyyyy startin to test a bitch,,

boyfriend mark

well, damn. he’s really out here just servin us these boyfriend looks, isn’t he???

tbh it might just be because his back and chest look so Broad in these photos, but I'm pickin up some major boyfriend-ish vibes!!!

awww boyfriend mark impatiently watching the clock tick by as he counts down the minutes until he gets to see your beautiful face ((((’:;;::;

oh damn,, boyfriend mark waiting to pick you up outside your job :^]

can you just imagine walking next to mark and looking up to find him staring at you like this I'd funking DIE!!!!!

boyfie mark carrying your backpack for you as the two of you walk home from school together (((((((’’:

boyfriend mark staring at you from afar while another guy shamelessly flirts with you ;o

tbh this is how boyf mark would look whenever the two of you get into a pretty heated argument... expect the silent treatment and some intense glares

“oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! I'm late for our date!! gotta run, gotta run, gotta ru-”

shopping with boyfriend mark!!!!! (peep dat arm doe,,,,)

yeah, yeah. I know it’s just a picture of his back - but like... just picture yourself walking up to that and giving him the warmest, tightest, most affectionate backhug you could......... cause same

boyfriend mark goin to pick ya ass up while trying not to draw too much attention to himself,,, shhhh!!

pre-debut mark

okay but mark was the cutest damn child, and like,, that's a fact

LOOK AT THE INNOCENCE IN HIS EYES!!!!!!!

I just wanna tuck him into bed and read him some bedtime stories )))’:::

k I think we can all agree that mark’s mirror selfies are LEGENDARY. NEVER LET THESE DIE. EVER.

why does his outfit remind me of something justin bieber circa 2012 would wear lmao

don't come at me but like,, why do these 2 pics remind me of seventeen’s vernon......... i mean im jus sayin........

this picture? is so? precious??? caN I JUST SWADDLE HIM PLEASE??????

oh look!! this must’ve been right around the time when sm stopped allowing mark to get even the slightest bit of rest!!!

he looks like such a lil man here dear lord

the many hairstyles/colors throughout mark’s career

starting off with the 7th sense debut, we have marks.... questionable.... black, choppy, bangs-cut-too-short hairstyle!! it truly is one for the books....

moving onto fire truck era, sm kinda dropped a bomb on us with the multi-colored hair. but as crazy as orange and purple hair sounds (and kinda looks) mark actually pulled it off pretty damn well???

buT THEN IN THE MIDDLE OF PROMOTIONS THEY DECIDED TO DYE HIS WHOLE HEAD PURPLE AND BLESS US ALL!! like, I have a hard time picturing mark with extremely bright and extravagant hair colors (like hyuck or chenle) but lemme tell ya mark looked so damn good with the purple holy shit sm brinG THAT BACK!!!

and then at the end of promotions (obvs prepping mark’s hair for dreams debut) they decided his scalp hadn’t been through enough, so they bleached it and made him blonde (((’::::

dreams debut!!!!! whoop whoop!!!! they dyed mark’s hair a rose gold tinted color and honestly?? he looked hella good???? idk what I was saying earlier about not being able to see mark pull off bright and extravagent colors cause my boy absolutely slayed orange, purple AND pink!!!

now we come across the holy period that was mark’s dirty blonde hair during chewing gum promotions,,,, let’s all just take a moment of silence because of how damn Good this look was..... the color and the haircut itself were so fucking nice and tbfh i have a special place in my heart for this look

whelp..... here comes limitless!!! the BOP of the century, but also the fucking disaster of the millennium that was marks perm........... sm did my boy so dirty with this one..... as if his hair hadn't been through enough torture, they go and do THIS? sickening.

NOW WE’RE BACK ON OUR GOOD STREAK!! after the perm settled down a bit they finally realized that they needed to make up for their horrendous mistake, SO they put a lil pink in the mix and BAM!! we got our lil cotton candy baby (^=

and then the pink started to fade )))’:: leaving him with cute little pink tinted curls!!!! (((’::

MFAL (what an era.....) if im being completely honest, mark’s mfal hair is my religion. it’s not nearrlllyyy as poofy and untamed as it was before, and the little blonde curls really worked for him rip...

not to mention when they straightened it and we got our royal prince lookin ass mark lee!!!!

head shot pop,, cherry bomb was another holy era for marks hair. it had been sooo long since we’d seen dark haired mark that it pretty much threw the whole fandom into a frenzy when it happened.

tbfh his we young hair took a little while to grow on me. i’ve always loved the longer, shaggier bangs on mark, and the short bangs were giving me war flashbacks to t7s era,,,, and the shaved sides were so!!! different that idk. it just took me a while to adjust...

but I would later come to Love his we young hair because it eventually grew into this fucking beauty - which is also my faVORITE DAMN HAIRSTYLE ON THIS BOY,, HOLY SHIT!!! HIS HAIR JUST LOOKS SO PERFECT AND I JUST WANNA RUN MY FINGERS THROUGH IT AND PLAY WITH IT AGGHHJJHBPWUEB

**sigh** but then sm went and did what they always do and fucked with something that was already perfect ///: I mean, although i am pretty distraught over the loss of quite possibly the best hair style of his career, he does look mighty fine with the honey blond color so its all good (((;;

anD THEN!! THEY LITERALLY BLEW ALL OF US OUT OF THE DAMN WATER WITH THE FUCKING BRIGHT, STOP SIGN, TICKLE ME ELMO LOOKIN ASS RED!!!!!!!! NAAaahhhh I'm just playin :”)) i’ve said it so many times already, but he really can pull off just about any color and i must say, the red is really workin for him,, uh huh, uh huh, yes sir!!

the lil duck face pout

idk why he Always does this but it’s fucking hilarious and it never fails to crack me tf up

cute stage persona

LOOK AT THAT BIG ASS SMILE!!!!!!! THIS IS THE KINDA SHIT I LOVE TO SEE!!!!!!!!!! HE JUST LOOKS SO FLUFFY!!!!!!!!

y’all, i dont even know. he’s in the middle of dancing but he just looks so cute and squishy!! i had to include it

again... I have no words other than his smile is fucking. flawless.

I SHOULD BE CRINGING (AND TBH I KINDA AM) BUT HE’S SO DAMN PRECIOUS THAT I DON’T EVEN CARE!!!!!

I can totally picture in my head the dorky lil dance move he did along with that face to whoever was taking the picture and honestly,, I can’t help but smile

WHY DOES HE DO THIS?? DOES HE WANT ME TO SUFFER??? CAUSE HE’S LITERALLY MAKING MY INSIDES TURN TO MUSH!!!!!!

I have no clue what the hell he’s doing, but i could care less!!! i’m just gonna go with it!!!!!!!

omfg he’s like that one nerdy friend who tries to act all cool but just ends up embarrassing himself ((and looking hella cute while doing so)) gaAAHHhHHH

rude stage persona

mark is always facking adorable!! but the few times he decides to act all rude, he makes sure to have absolutely zero fucking mercy on us, and its Not fair!!

don’t give me that face istg imma smack the shit outta ya!!!!

he’s literally just rapping but i feel highly offended and i would appreciate a sincere apology

mark is smiling 95% of the time, but the other 5% that he’s not, he’s making faces like these^^ and im real fuckin tired of the blatent disregard for my feelings!!

I don't approve! I don't approve at all!!!! the look on his face is throwin me off and I'm confused!!!!!!

BOIII THIS MIGHT BE THE RUDEST FUCKIN PICTURE I’VE EVER SEEN AND I SHIT YOU NOT MY DAMN STOMACH JUST DROPPED!!!!!!! MY ALREADY WEAKENED HEART CAN’T HANDLE THIS KINDA SHIT, MAN!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO GO LIE DOWN,,,,,

HE’S GOT NICER ABS AND NICER UNDERWEAR THAN I DO, GOD DAMN!!!!

THE FUCKING SLEEVES ARE ROLLED UP - ABORT MISSION! I REPEAT, ABORT THE FUCKING MISSION!!!!!!!!

mark + hats = A Look I'm here for

first up, we got them bucket hats!!!! if ya ask me, mark can pull off almost any hat, and he kinda looks adorable in the bucket hats (especially with his blond curly mops fallin out of em!!!!)

now onto the snapbacks! a very typical look, yet he still looks breathtaking ((’::::

and now we’ve got the floppy hats (?) and tbh he kinda looks adorable in them???

AND WE’RE AT BEANIES ALSO KNOWN AS MY FAVORITE FUCKING HEADWEAR ON MARK LEE!!!!!! BOY CAN PULL OFF A BEANIE BETTER THAN I’VE EVER SEEN ANYONE DO IT EVER!!!!!!!!!

and finally we've got..... whatever the fuck this thing is lmao kinda reminds me of a chef hat but my boy still looks hecka fly so its gucci!!!!

BONUS: MARK IN A HEADBAND!! HEY SM, PLEASE DO THIS LOOK AGAIN!!!!!

BONUS BONUS: THE HOLY LOOK THAT IS MARK WEARING A BANDANA!! HEY SM, MAYBE BRING BACK THIS LOOK AS WELL, K THNKS!!!!!!!

idk, but I need to rant about it !!

not only is ya girl emo as helllllll because he successfully graduated high school despite his fucking insane schedule, (yeah,, I'm lookin at you sm... fight me), but these grad pics are the definition of heavenly !!!!!!!!

this boy video took me for all that I'm worth.... he just looked so? fucking? good??? like I wanna know who the fuck he thinks he is just lookin all fine and shit,,,

y’alls..... i honestly didnt even know which category to stick this beauty under because i was honestly just?? blown the absolute fuck away??? with the perfection of not only this photo, but the boy in the photo, as well??????? like,, the dark, shaggy hair along with that lil smirk are really doin some fucked up shit to ya girl and i just dont know anything anymore (((’=

not much to say about this one.... I just think he looks hella adorable crouched down into a lil ball ((’:

maRK MOTHERFUCKIN LEE HIDING BEHIND RANDOM ASS OBJECTS WHENEVER HE GETS EMBARRASSED MIGHT JUST BE MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING IN THIS UNIVERSE!!! IT MAKES ME WANNA HUG HIM TO DEATH AND NEVER LET GO!!!!!

first of all: no

second of all: No

third of all: the hell you think you lookin at?

last of all: N O

(like for real, who gave you the right to look all grown and shit?? cause I'd like to have a few words with them......)

and last, but certainly not least, we've got this golden picture of mark dressed like a middle aged, white, suburban dad.... do with it what you will (((’:::::

**all pic creds go to their rightful owners