#wand maker

[we-are-the-apeiron]

This is not all the wands i have ever carved but it is my current lot, that i had carved by hand. All my lathe turned wands had sold, were given away, lost, or broken over the years. And a lot of my hearlier hand carved wands were sold. This is what rwmains.

Here you can see the varieties in my designs. I can do traditional, organic pieces, but i favor semtrical 'Handle & Blade' contemporary pieces. I'll post each one individually over the next two weeks. Two a day. Just feels like a good commitment for me, two a day and eventually more content in the future.

[kanapuro]

First Wand

[the--stag--king]

Runic wand I made this year.

[iloveschiaparelli]

This might come out a little bit late because my wrist is KILLING me but it's time for new garden update!!

I am, in fact, looking for advice for Spider Plant, African Violet, and random thing attached to my plants. This is a long post but if you are knowledgeable in any of those and would be willing to skip down to the section about those problems I would super appreciate it <3

First of all the spider plant is STILL flowering and making many new babies. I'm thinking about starting a plant section of my art business (which is usually inactive but I've been thinking of booting up again) so this is great news.

The two babies I propogated recently are doing well, for the most part. I didn't propogate them at the same time, so they are at different stages of progress. The first one went into a head-shaped pot with pebbles at the bottom for extra drainage and has found its home at the foot of my bed so that I can feel like I have some form of life in here besides Rookie sneaking in to take naps on my pillow or in my clean laundry when I'm not looking. The bedroom baby seems to have taken root, actually, judging by the fact that just now I pulled gently at it from the base and it didn't budge an inch from the soil, whereas when I first potted it it was looser than a 1900s social pariah (feminine). The leaves are also seeming to stand up straighter.

The second one however is just in a plastic container with no special drainage. The only reason I propogated it at all is because I was sitting watching My Hero Academia with my roommate and one of our friends when I looked Slightly to the right and had The Urge to Repot. I tried so hard to resist, I really did. I fought The Urge for at least 30 mins before finally, in the middle of an episode, i just stood up, went out on the balcony at 10.30 at night and propogated it without warning.

I'm pretty sure the only words I offered as explanation in the moment were "The plant was calling." I looked like a madman shoveling dirt into a cup in the middle of the night when previously I had shown zero indication that I would be leaving the couch until bedtime.

It's doing alright, the soil seems overly wet but that is probably because the plant is new enough that it hasn't yet developed the roots to drink up. I just need to give it time while I find a proper pot for it. I think I have one in my bedroom actually, I just need to paint it.

On the OTHER hand, the main spider plant is also turning brown at the ends which is kind of concerning. I don't know if it's the stem from the baby I just took off, drawing nutrients away (see blurry photo of long stem turning brown and dying) or if it's some kind of consequence of me accidentally overwatering her last week because I thought a water stake was a good idea (I'm never using water stakes again). If anyone has any insight on that, i would be thrilled to hear it. It's indoors so unless some nasty bug has gotten in, it's unlikely to be bug eating it.

One thing that I DO know bugs are eating is my BASIL!!!!!! I don't know if you guys are familiar with spotted lanternflies, but they're super invasive here in the US and in my state are actually considered "Under Quarantine" which means that affected counties/cities are kept track of and, if you live in one, you need a permit & training course on finding and eliminating spotted lanternflies before you can sell any kind of organic matter outside of the quarantine area. They eat grapevines like mad which is threatening to VA's economy (they're all big wine people)

Their main source of food is Tree of Heaven, which coincidentally is ALSO an invasive species from Asia. Including kudzu, bamboo and asian pear trees this is 4 plants and 1 HORRIBLE little bug that are wreaking havoc on Virginia's ecosystem because of being DELIBERATELY!!! introduced as an ornamental (Decorative!) plant. (bug hitched a ride) Unbelievable.

Anyway they also like to eat basil and I have my basil outside so that it can get a sufficient amount of sun to keep from wilting all the time, so guess what I find every time I go outside! This little PECKERHEAD (or his brothers) just hanging out on my basil sitting perfectly still just like I'm his dad and I just walked into the room and he's trying to pretend he wasn't just on his phone. Anyway today I went to get some leaves for cooking and like half of them were just absolutely emacerated with brown/black spots and holes because the lanternfly nymphs have been nibbling on them. Varmints.

Spotted lanternflies are vulnerable to neem oil (So are brown marmorated stinkbugs btw), tea tree oil, and peppermint oil. I mean to purchase whichever one is harmless to my other plants to spray the lanternflies with to kill them. They're also wildly attracted to milkweed, but it's actually toxic to them, so management strategies for spotted lanternflies often suggest planting milkweed on your property so that they will drink the sap and then die.

I intend to, once I am not struggling to pay bills, purchase a native milkweed plant and stick it allll the way on the end of the balcony AWAY from my other plants in order to draw the lanternflies away and hopefully kill them.

I'm not looking forward to cleaning up the bodies. In fact, a couple minutes before taking the above photo I actually leaned over to take a pic of another one and got a dead one in my hair. I was mortified when I sat up and realized. I'm really, really, really going to hate it when they start reaching maturity, because mature spotted lanternflies are HUGE. They're like 2 inches long, 1 inch wide, and fat-looking. I saw one smeared on the pavement last fall and wanted to throw up. I don't know if I have the strength to kill them myself, which is why I'm hoping neem oil spray and milkweed will kill them for me without having to deal with smashed moth remains,

Here are the life stages of spotted lanternfly, map of their invaded areas, and pictures of the Tree of Heaven for your information to kill/manage them <3

PEsTS aside, I have really good news! My wildflowers have all sprouted!!!!!!

Looking back, I wish I'd verified whether they were native or not. I hope I don't poison the landscape when they go to seed. Once they start flowering, I'll try to identify any invasive or harmful species and weed them out, I suppose.

They first started showing green on a day when i was feeling especially depressed about my recent breakup, so it was HUGE mood boost. It honestly felt like God was like "Yeah ya'll it's time to go green. Right now go go go go go!!"

Don't mind the plant water stakes, they're empty I just don't have a great place to put them right now. I intend to keep them only so I can use them when I go out of town for a few days at a time, so that I don't need to ask my roommates to water my basil daily, or whatever. The first two pictures I took when I first noticed the seedlings, and the third one is from today, along with most of the other photos.

One thing that I am concerned about is that I'm noticing these little banana-shaped things (pods? eggs? seeds?) that look like they've been clamped/clipped onto the leaves of many of the wildflower seedlings, especially the ones on the left end of the planter. They almost look like hairclips that have been shut onto the leaves? I'm really confused. They're pretty dry looking, and my friend James broke one apart and it just kinda disintegrated. (I was too wigged out to touch it) They can't have been there very long, a couple days before I noticed at least.

If anyone has ANY idea what these are, I'd really appreciate it. I'm worried that they're bug eggs. I really hate interacting with/looking at bugs, especially bug eggs, so I tried looking it up myself and had to stop because uhh... pictures of bug eggs. But they definitely don't look like part of the plant, especially since this planter is a mixture of different species and they're showing up on multiple types.

The beeblossom, which I've learned is also called a Whirling Butterflies or a Wand Flower much more commonly than it's called a beeblossom, is doing quite well! The leaves and stems have shifted completely from red to green, and it's showing signs that it might possibly flower for a second time. I really hope it does, the flowers last time only lasted a couple days and I don't remember if I got any good pictures but they were really pretty. I've repotted it into a neat woven-basket pot that I got at the local garden center (This garden center has a cat mascot! That lives at the store! I love him. He let me pet him.)

The lavender also went into a similar pot, to get it out of the rice pot that it was in before. Also at this garden center I found a catnip plant!!!! Rookie has been loving it whenever I give him a leaf, but surprisingly I don't think he's figured out the source plant because he doesn't go up to it and sniff it at all. I think he's more interested by the finches, cardinals, and robins that have (finally) found our birdfeeder. To give you an idea of how much the birds have been vibing, this feeder was full to the top only a week ago.

The Echinopsis babies are doing OK. Echinopsis generally do a terrible job of communicating how they are doing. They don't seem to be especially active in growing? Neither the babies nor the parent. I suspect know I repotted the parent into too-small of a pot, so I hope to remedy that at the next opportunity. Just.... large pots take up so much space!!! And they're much more expensive than small pots, especially since I'm so averse to plastic containers due to issues with overwatering plants in plastic containers.

The Echinopsis babies haven't been drinking as much as I'd like, but they HAVE been drinking, which is a sign that the roots are functioning just fine. They were each able to take a root or two from the parent when I propogated them about a month ago, so it's good to know that they're doing alright down under the soil. I'm thinking about selling each of them for $35, with the hand-painted pot, but I hate to part with them. I get so emotionally attached.

The Thyme, on the other hand, has shown ZERO signs of growth and it's been 12 days. I know they have a long germination time but between their complete silence and the fact that I planted them in the wrong soil (I should have used sandy loam but it's just Miracle Gro) and the soil has been wetter than a jellyfish since I planted, AND they're just from a dollar tree Herb Rocket, I'm starting to become suspicious that they're duds. I'll keep watering and watching them until after I hit the 28 days, but I'm definitely not feeling great about the thyme.

The herb rocket was supposed to be planted as just one roll, also, but because I was using a long container I took some scissors and just cut the rolled up seed tape in half lengthwise before rerolling and planting. The directions were also ambiguous as to whether I was supposed to leave the top of the rolls visible, level with the soil, or to cover them up with the 1/4 inch soil that I've begun to notice is typical of planting instructions.

The left roll you can see is a little bit messed up, because the other day in a fit of disappointment I pulled it out of the dirt and unrolled it to check for anything, ANYTHING, ANY!!! SIGNS OF GROWTH! I found nothing. But that, not before, is the point when I googled the germination time of thyme, then I felt like an idiot and did my best to stuff it back into the soaking wet soil.

God help me with this plant.

My roommate pulled out a little mushroom decoration (she loves mushrooms) for the garden, initially intended to go in the wildflower planter. It was there for about an hour before I took it out, because I didn't want it to kill any of the wildflower growth. Instead I put it between the two thyme rockets. Hopefully, when (if?) the thyme actually starts growing, it will look like there's a little mushroom home nestled between the two shrubs.

Another plant whose performance I am currently dissatisfied with is the African Violet. It's wilting again. At this point it's like, "What am I doing wrong now?" What makes it even worse is that this is the only plant that was given to me as like a, "nurture this plant as a metaphor for nurturing your spirit!" so it's even more depressing that I'm having difficulty keeping it alive. I feel like this plant's survival is tied to my success as a human being (Not really, but that's the vibe).

The leaves are just totally limp. Not really mushy, but I could see them getting that way if it weren't for the fact that they usually just dry up and wither away first. The soil is very wet, which I don't understand because I've been doing my best not to overwater it and it's been a week since it's last douse. The leaves have lost their yellow tinge from overwatering, but only on the topside. The bottomside of the leaves still look brownish, as if they're dried up (except that they arent) If there are any African Violet experts in the crowd, I would LOVE for you to lend me any advice you can give me from the picture <3 I love you.

I've been pruning off dead sections and kept it indoors with a stable temperature in a spot where it gets plenty of indirect light, so I don't understand what the issue is. I'm beginning to blame plastic containers for all of my problems due to all of my Problem Plants being in plastic. (Spider Plant momma, new baby Spider Plant, African Violet, Thyme, Basil in the early months, Beeblossom, probably the catnip soon too).

I desperately want to move all my plastic planted plants to ceramic/terracotta or woven containers, but the issue is just that plastic is the cheapest material for planters, and since I've been upsizing, I genuinely do not have the budget for terracotta right now. Maybe in 2 months, but by then the Basil & Echinopsis will already have had their growth stifled, the Thyme will be drowned, and the African Violet will be well and truly dead.

I wasn't able to get any good pictures of the snake plants in this lighting, but they are doing alright also. Their roots haven't quite put down in the new soil, but I think they're kind of growing anyways??? I dunno.

Finally, here is a photo of the Potted Plant Empire as it is today, excepting the indoor plants and the wildflower planter being cut off:

That little pot at the end is my roommate's rosemary, and the orange glass pot is her lavender. Mine is in the woven basket next to it.

I feel like that guy in the recent Drive Time app advertisement. "I FEEL STRONGG!!!"

[emsuemsu]

Among Ancient Pines by @graymatters & art by @cambiodipolvere and @onlytheheartknows

Words: 73,981

Every day, Draco Malfoy tries. With every fiber of his being he tries. But he doesn’t much think about what he’s trying for.

In his final term of Healer training, Draco is unfortunate enough to find himself on a plane, the only means of traveling to a small, magical town in rural Alaska. Years of hard work have culminated in an opportunity to work with an experimental wandmaker to study the intersection of Healing and wand theory. When Draco arrives, he doesn't find the wandmaker, but does find his apprentice, who happens to have ridiculously messy hair, a lightning bolt scar, and a definitely-not-charming smile. But Draco isn’t going to let Harry Potter get in the way of him becoming a successful medical researcher, even if Potter is stubborn, hot-tempered, reckless, surprisingly gentle, has bizarre taste in music, and likes to leave his shirts unbuttoned. How hard could the next few months be?

A fic about challenging assumptions, discovering self-worth, the silver lining in failing to meet expectations, and finding friendship, love, and purpose in a small Alaskan town that’s steeped in magic.

Soooo pretty and allllll the vibes I'm looking for. Harry was written in such a good way, and I feel like I should move to Alaska. VERY well written OC's. Magic lore was insane in this fic. AND THE ART oh god the art

[tommarvoloriddlesdiary]

Harry: I want to do bad things to you.

Tom, smirking: Oh, really? Like what?

Harry: Break your fucking neck.

[silvercitysuperstore]

[serpentandflame]

I always want my candles to smell like I've walked into a cursed book store. It's my general vibe.

[deisbookofdemons]

Crap..

"You don't need to worry about Smasher though. He's using his current magician magic pretty well."

[ochmir]

A raw amethyst set in a black cherry staff, with a coil of copper to help with focus. It is 36 inches long. Call it a magician or wizards staff. 

[missilin22]

FLYING BUBBLE MAKER MAGIC WAND

💗 Automatic Handheld Bubble Wand Beautiful, lovely, Butterfly bubble machine will appeal to girls of all ages! They can press the button to activate the flashing lights and beautiful music and hold the bubble machine like a girl princess waving a..

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for more information visit

[punkpandapatrixk]

🧜🏻‍♀️What’s Your Signature Style? ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

I promise you that you can be “THE” SLAYEST when you rock a style that is your own. A style—or styles—that is your own is one that reflects outwardly the core essence of your Soul Expression.

If you know yourself, and acknowledge your unique Light, there is not a trend or fad in this mortal realm that could ever shake your confidence in what you’re already doing!

Remember, trend-makers are never individuals known to follow trends to begin with! Are you a satisfied with yourself for being a trend-follower? Gosh, that's such loser NPC behaviour. I know you're so much more than that, you su-su-su-Superbeing❣️❣️

SONG: Supernova by aespa

MOVIE: 千年女優; Sennen Joyuu (Millennium Actress) (2001)

[PAC Masterlist] [Part 2] [Part 3]

[Patreon] [Paid Readings]

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – Bitch Barbie

VIBE: Jackie (2016)

core spiritual essence – Knight of Wands Rx

YOLO, Spiritual Gangsta! You’re a badass bitch who’s actually a lot nastier and vainer than outer appearances may give LMAO You’re such a drama queen, too. You wake up in the morning and ready to stir up some shit. You’re naughty. You’re playful. You’re creative and a bit of a prankster to the detriment of some of your closest friends. And if you have an enemy, you’re the type that’d pour gasoline on their motorbike and let them catch fire on their own!

You really like colourful stuff. Since you were a kid, you’ve always been interested in cute or weird shapes and bling knickknacks. Colours and shapes are integral to your fashion expression as a means to let your passion through. From another angle, this is also how you show people not to take you lightly. You’re attracted to weird or bold shapes and vibrant colours because they also send word to the outer world that you’re not one to mess with.

You LOVE being seen as a weirdo. It benefits you to be seen as a BITCH, too. This is a form of self-preservation AND protection. You want to weed off boring people who are only there to feed off your precious spiritual creative aenergy! You’re the school’s boss bitch who says, ‘You can’t sit with us,’ to practically everybody because you value only strong and weird, high-quality bitches who are just like you. Deep at your core, you keep to your tribe and will protect them with your Life <3

people’s first impression – XIV Temperance

You’re an enigmatic character who’s admired and feared at the same time. Because you have such a strong presence, unbeatable charisma, people can’t help but be attracted to your aenergy. And for the most part, you’re really somebody who has a pleasant smile and good manners. People’s first projection of you might be along the lines of being a good gal LMAO You seem at first glace a temperate person who adheres to social protocols. I mean, that’s only because you’re chill~

But try and get on your bad side? The psychopath takes over. You’re very serious when working towards your goals and you don’t like it when people bother you with unwarranted criticisms or unsolicited advice. You like figuring things out yourself unless you ask for other people’s opinions. When people see this side of you, then they understand you’re not all that friendly or welcoming and that they’ve been blinded by their own expectations.

From afar, people can tell you’re meant for great things in this Life. Since you’re quite unapproachable to many, they may never say this to you but they gossip amongst themselves and speculate about what such a unique person like you could achieve in this world. They shudder when thinking about all your potentials! How can such a smart badass even be real?? It feels so unfair…

fatal attraction! – Ace of Pentacles

You’re the type that should never buy fake designer items. Buying cheap-ass things that are your style is one thing, but buying fake luxury items? NAH, NO. Your Venus will cry. Check out what your Venus sign says about your values as a person and try to match your fashion style with that. For the majority of you tuning into this Pile, being bold in all the ways that suit you is the way to go. Price is not necessarily key here, it’s boldness that plays into your self-expression.

You’re the kind of person who can wear colours and accessories that usually will make other people look like clowns XD People wonder what enables you to pull off those strange colours, shapes or combinations, not knowing it’s your CONFIDENCE in yourself being able to pull them off that makes them work. It’s the RIZZ, baby~ No matter what you look like, no matter your size and skin colour, you have the power to make WHATEVER you wear on you look like something they show on the runway.

I betcha you get a lot of requests to model for your photographer friends? XD Some of you reading this have even modelled casually before. And some of you are meant to be scouted into the modelling or fashion industry in general! If not to that degree, you’re still the kind of person who could make occasional appearances on fashion magz or insta or have your face be a poster for something quite creative. You should charge good prices for your contribution to people being able to sell their shit! v$o$v

A MILLION DOLLAR STYLE~🔻💙

vanity – Silver Geographer (Francis Drake)

sassy – Priestess of Integrity

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – Brooding Maniac

VIBE: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011)

core spiritual essence – 4 of Cups

You one spooky bitch XD But truly, your Soul is full of colours if only people could see it! It’s just that these are colours most people won’t understand or even approve of. You possess the ability to feel and process immensely complex emotions as well as thoughts. It’s more like you think in feelings even if you identify as someone very logical. Your emotions often get heavy if you don’t learn to control them. And…you’ve really taken it to quite an extreme how well you can control or suppress your emotions now.

Some of you reading this probably have strong Earth placements, especially Capricorn, but could also have some Scorpio and Aquarius influences. The way you feel your emotions is quiet and almost…jaded. I think your Soul gets easily tired by Humans for their lack of intelligence but also for their lack of appreciation for different varieties of Beauty. You think most people are narrow-minded; just thinking about it is super exhausting.

That’s why you don’t easily show your colours to everybody. People’s disapproval of the depths of your emotions could kill your spirit on a daily basis. You’d rather not deal with that, so then you chose to sport a lot of black in your outer appearance. You could also be the type that chooses solid or ‘dull’ colours like grey or white, essentially to just…not tell people anything. The only other way you actually show your emotions, in a subtle way, is through some colours that could be found in your accessories and…HAIR <3

At least some of you dream of having colourful hair if only your society or workplace would allow that XD

people’s first impression – 8 of Cups

Instantaneously, people get this impression that you’re elusive as fuck. Like, you’re not exactly unapproachable—no, no—it’s more like, even if people try to talk to you, they already think you’re the type that won’t respond too well. You seem like you don’t talk much if at all, and people get this feeling that you’re uncomfortable with being talked to. Kinda feels like, you’re ready to flee the scene the moment someone comes up to talk to you BUHAHAH Most likely because you give off this nervous/awkward energy in social situations XD

As for your fashion, you dress so uniquely, out-there-ly, alien-ly, and people simply can’t catch up. They know they won’t be able to copy you, at least not properly. You possess a strong and unique aura that shines through your fashion sensibility and you don’t even try that hard if you’re being honest. And yet, anybody who tries to emulate or copy you will 100% look like a cheap knock-off of whatever style you’re rocking.

There is something about you that screams ORIGINAL. And yet, this is mostly caused by your lack of interest in other people’s business. You have this cold, detached aura that makes you stand out in a crowd exactly because you don’t give a fuck. At first glance, people think it’s your fashion—your clothes and accessories, your hair or nails that make you look ORIGINAL. Maybe even you think that. But no, it’s your brooding AURA that says so. You’re a maniac who ain’t interested in mingling, that’s why~

fatal attraction! – Queen of Wands

You’re a divisive character who’s either despised or admired, to an extreme. There’s no in between. Seems, indeed, like some Scorpio/8th House aenergy or some harsh Plutonian aspects XD To varying extents, and depending on your mood on a given day, people’s extreme reception of you could be mentally draining. The way I see it, you yourself don’t even understand why people are damn drawn to you. You kinda wish people would leave you alone. At least the ones you don’t care about.

But…you definitely are incredibly pretty. You have a very attractive face, you know that? And then there’s your fashion sense that tells the right kind of people that you truly are a creative/artistic person who has many stories to tell because you feel very deeply. And yet, you don’t talk to people at all and that’s mystifying. Meanwhile, the haters are also attracted to your aenergy because something about your originality is a direct insult to their lack of AUTHENTICITY ho ho ho~

You give people a reason to connect and unite in their petty hatred and that’s very refreshing for those types of people to talk about LMAO Ain’t you a hero, my dear? Anyway, this may sound so random but I’m getting that you might wanna hang out at some art gallery or library? You could meet someone or see an ad/announcement for an event that could change your Life for the better! Your brooding style could get you some unique opportunities that could potentially make you very happy <3

A MILLION DOLLAR STYLE~🔻🧡

vanity – Silver Alchemist (Ramon Llull)

sassy – Priestess of Inspiration

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – Plutonian Siren

VIBE: Flesh and the Devil (1926)

core spiritual essence – 8 of Pentacles

Daym, you’re a total hustler babe, aren’t ya? For one, at the core of your being you know that you were born into this world with a strong purpose. When you were a kid, you probably didn’t have the words to describe this knowing but it was clear to you that you weren’t supposed to fit in or be ‘normal’, whatever ‘normal’ meant within your norm XD You’ve always been the kinda person who deviated from your mainstream society. You couldn’t help it; you just had to be an anomaly.

Truth be told, you’ve a strong Sirenian spirit (if that’s even a word). You’re like a combination of a bitch barbie and a brooding maniac. You’ve a strong dark Plutonian and chaotic Neptunian aenergy about you and this is SCARY to a lot of people. If you grew up in a toxic household, I betcha an adult in your ‘family’ despised you for just being you. Could be a mean uncle or auntie as well if you had a good relationship with your own parents ;P

Did you know that in some literature Sirens were actually not mermaids? They’re more akin to evil harpies? XXD You’re an evil harpy at your worst and a singing mermaid at your best. I tell you people shouldn’t mess witcha. The karma will be heavy on them because you essentially come from a strong lineage of powerful witches! <3

people’s first impression – 9 of Cups

Wherever you are in the world, when you walk, you’re like a dream come true. You possess a natural charm that transcends race, culture, localised standards or whatever. In every situation and all nations you are beautiful, magnetising and charming. Your sheer existence makes people daydream. I’m sure you’ve heard this a lot, ‘You smell really nice.’ ‘Y/N always smells nice.’ ‘When you’re around it always smells nice.’

You’re so fucking unreal for this mortal world. Due to your Neptunian aenergy—could also be strong/significant 12th House placements—people project on you without a care for your feelings. Or should we say, they project on you without a care for their own safety? When somebody crosses the line, you snap like a sea dragon and they’re done, forever LMAO

As much as people are intrigued by you they are afraid of you. There is this depth to you that makes people suspect that once they’re in they’re never gonna be able to crawl out of your aenergy field. You’re kinda like Tomie now that I think about it. So the ones who are able to sense this swirling darkness in you will try to steer away from your charm~ Good for them because most of the time, you don’t even like it when people are up in your ass non-stop XD

fatal attraction! – 5 of Pentacles Rx

Of all the Piles, your natural charm is definitely chaotic. It’s almost demonic! Yours is a fatal attraction for sure because you will cause insanity in the minds of whoever tries to get a taste of your aenergy. And you’re out here chillin’, completely clueless as to what’s going on with the idiots around you. Why’s everybody simping? I ain’t even do nothing.

For whatever personal reasons, most people have this fantasy about you saving them from whatever boring Life they’re living. Some really sick minds could expect—even demand—you to be their stupid little Pixie Dream Girl when in reality you’re the FURTHEST thing from that. People could get SO dangerously unreasonable when it comes to desiring you.

I’ve got to say that you’d better protect yourself good, girl. Do everything in your power to steer away from bitter and jealous aenergy, because the people under your involuntary spell might indeed endeavour to cause you harm. Beware of men who could assault you and women who would trick and tarnish your reputation. I’m reminded of this quote by Claude Debussy:

‘People don’t very much like things that are beautiful… they are so far from their nasty little minds.’

For being such an unrealistically beautiful creature with an aura of mysticism, lots of people are attracted to your magnificence because they want to make it their own or destroy it, not because they appreciate your existence. Be selective with who you allow to get to know you~ <3

A MILLION DOLLAR STYLE~🔻💚

vanity – Green Astrologer (Robert Fludd)

sassy – Priestess of Love

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

[PAC Masterlist] [Part 2] [Part 3]

[Patreon] [Paid Readings]

[willtheweaver]

More reasons why the characters cannot fix everything with magic

• Children all have access to magic, but as they get older, their powers fade away.

• Mastering even the most basic spell takes years of training.

• “We killed the gods. Turns out that doing that destroyed magic.”

• The amount and strength of magic is inversely proportional to the level of industrialization.

• Characters don’t know what kind of magic they have and must embark on a long and arduous journey in order to find out what they can do.

• “We can use magic, but only on the microscopic scale.”

• The reason why magic doesn’t work is that no one believes in it anymore.

• To cast a spell, one must play the correct tune on a specific instrument.

• Only maker of staffs, rods, and wands has a 10,000 year long waiting list.

• Magic comes from the stars…and it can go no faster than the speed of light.

• The power of magic waxes and wanes. Right now is the part of the cycle where magic is at its weakest.

• People once had a symbiotic relationship with organisms that gave them the power of magic. The organism has been extinct for centuries.

• As the use of magic has a destabilizing effect on the universe, a secret society exists with the sole purpose of killing all magic users before they destroy the universe (some of whom have deliberately attempted to cause an apocalypse).

• “You must sacrifice a part of you in order to use magic. It could be a part of your body, it could also be your identity, or even your very soul.”

[yyouzip]

FS pick a pile!

————>>> ★ this reading includes…

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them

- a description of your FS

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them

-what the relationship will be like

-songs with the vibe of you and your fs

-random things that may resonate:

+ a mini mood board :)

CW: very very very brief mentions of sexuality (sexuality as in things about sex and not orientation.)

!! the future is destined to change depending on you, so don’t take this as absolute truth. this is just for fun !!

look at an image, and pick whichever resonates. (it’s totally fine to pick more than one.) take what resonates leave what doesn’t.

pile 1

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 9oC, 8oS rx, kingoW. (9oW knightoP 4oW 6oP the world all rx)

so for starters, you might end up manifesting the FS of your wishes with or without realizing. with the 8 of swords rx and king of wands, it looks like you’ll be manifesting them intentionally. after a long journey of manifesting and looking at the big picture with optimism and knowing that this person will come into your life, you’ll be able to sit down and watch them come in without any shock or surprise. you’ll be feeling immense joy and gratitude at their presence. it might have a bit of a kdrama vibe if anything. very cheerful and happy.

your first impression may be/may have been that they are someone who is reserved and unwilling to take risks. they may seem a bit defensive and paranoid and a bit of a perfectionist. as well as someone who comes from a difficult/traumatic background full of conflict and instability. you may get the impression that this person didn’t have a good childhood or home life. they also give the impression of someone who is more worried about taking care of themselves before others. because of this, they don’t give the impression of a generous person. they seem very insecure and as if they are seeing closure or peace somehow. they don’t seem complete as a human and seem to have been broken by their life or the world. :(.

- a description of your FS 2oS, 7oS, 6oC, 4oP, QueenoCups ex, 8oW, 9oS., 8oC

they may seem like someone who wears/has more cool tones? emphasis on the eyes (mb glasses or peculiar/alluring eyes?) someone younger/young looking who wears dark clothing or has a more “edgy” fashion sense. their young look and style of clothing may contrast a bit. they’ll visually have very mysterious and alluring vibe. the kind of person who wanna know more about because they just look mysterious and unique. they might look wealthy and smell very good.

they’ll be very possessive and reserved. unwilling to share with others and refrains from admitting things freely or even speaking a lot. they hide a lot of pain and it overwhelms them. they’ll be very sensitive and dependent on you and break easily when any pressure is placed on them. they’ll still be very exciting and a fast decision maker. who enjoys doing fun things on a whim. just for fun. they might be very fearful and anxious, maybe even to the point of a mental disorder enhancing those issues. the 9oS and 8oC literally popped up out of nowhere and they were hiding in a weird spot, like i don’t even remember pulling them out? makes me think your FS could be the kind of person who hides these issues in particular. they are plagued with the horrible memories of the past and may be prone to nightmares and the idea of abandonment and loneliness is what scares them the most.

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them the moon, the magician, 10oP, the fool, kingoP, 4oW

your FS feels like you’re a bit uncertain, and possibly hiding something. this “something” may have to do with something in the realm of loa, shifting, tarot, etc? they see u as someone very very complex and magical. they feel like there’s a bit of an illusion with you and you may be putting up a front. they feel like you’re someone with so much willpower and desire. very great at manifesting and getting what you want and hard work. they think you’re very wealthy and well connected with others. you’re a family person (biological or found family, whatever resonates.) and a loving and kind person with an abundance of wealth and resources at your hand. they think you’re very beautiful and so loving as well as hard working. they love you so much!

you’ll see them as someone who’s very spontaneous and free. they may be younger than you btw. they seem willing to take new chances and a very free spirit. like a wanderer or a traveller innocently stumbling around and enjoying what they run into and willing to accept the world presented to them. you see them as a good business person and an ambitious person. you feel like they are hard working, very rich, and smart. (i feel like you two will be very wealthy..) they seem attractive and sensual to you. they give me sort of of kdrama bf vibes. we’re u trying to manifest yourself a kdrama style romance and fs? hahaha. you feel like they’re a bit unstable and unable to really ground themselves. you feel like they feel unsupported and it makes u rlly sad.

-what the relationship will be like knightoW rx the emporer 6oW, 4oP 8oW

despite the previously stated issues, the relationship will be very healthy and stable. you might be a more authoritative figure in this relationship. w the emperor and the previous cards abt ur fs i’m getting like “daddy/mommy issues” and one person finding comfort in the other for being more mature or a bit older as well more structured. still, energy may be a bit scattered at times and frustrating. it may be hard to communicate with each other and see eye to eye. as well as arguing with no feeling of achievement or recognition. you or they may get a bit egotistic and you’ll seek personal achievement in winning arguments. still, you’ll love each other a lot and want to be close forever and always. you guys may be a bit clingy and very very close. probably possessive of each other. you just love each other a lot and want to be emotionally, mentally, and physically close 24/7! you may propel each other to your goals a lot faster and feel very aligned. overall it’ll be a very emotional but loving relationship.

songs with you and your fs vibe: cool with you by newjeans, either way by ive, basically the whole soundtrack from all about lily chou chou, snooze by agust d, julia and green mile by sza, velvet ring by big thief,

things that may resonate: cats, cars, gaeul from ive (?), the ocean, the sunrise at 6:00 am, the sea again, the number 34, teenagers in love, falling asleep during a long drive, white rooms, accubi fashion, metaphysical stores, stepping into a body of water and its cold for a second

Pile 2

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 10oC, 7oS, the empress rx, QoP, AoS rx, KnoW

for starters, your meeting will feel like fate. like an act from the divine and absolute alignment. your meeting will likely be a random coincidence. w 7oS, i see it being the result of sneaking around? maybe you were sneaking our or meeting up with people you weren't supposed to. very "right place right time" kind of situation. you definitely weren't supposed to be in this situation and you likely felt nervous. maybe skipping school/work? you felt on edge and happened to meet this person very coincidentally.

immediately, you thought this person was a practical and smart person. very kind, gentle, and nurturing. they seem very clean and almost luxurious. very goal oriented and sooo gentle. despite this, you likely had a negative first encounter. i think there was alot of bickering and because of this they came off as someone who was greedy and selfish, unwilling to hear from others. they seem very adventurous and passionate with leadership qualities. this is kind of screaming YA novel hahaha.

- a description of your FS PoS, 6oW rx, AoP, PoW, 4oW, KnoW

they have a very unique style of dressing and a heavy feminine energy for sure (that doesnt mean they are female, they just carry a significant amount of feminine energy.) they seem to be a fashion person who is able to creatively make their own unique and beautiful outfits. like the kind of person youd see on pintrest or trending on tiktok. veryyy unique fashion sense with an airy and dreamy sort of feel. like those frutiger aero playlists vibes kinda. and ditto by newjeans if that resonates? they like how they dress and look and dont care what other people think at all. alot of people may dislike their style and even tease/make fun of them for it, but they like it so its fine. their unconventional looks might land them alot of modelling jobs or things akin to that. they also look very dreamy (like their features) and sorta surreal. they give me a y2k vibe.

they're very extroverted and willing to speak to people without any fear or worry for judgement. they're very cheerful and joyous with positive energy all around them. they're well balanced and harmonious, clicking with others very well. also very relaxed and relaxing to be around! they can be very passionate and willing to take a lot of action. i get very smart vibes from them. like extrovert, popular, probably going to harvard kind of person. they really just happily enjoy their life and being alive.

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them 5oP rx KoP 8oP rx QoS judgement rx 10oW rx wheel of fortune rx 8oS rx

they feel like youre someone who welcomes them with open arms whenever and wherever. they think you are their recovery or ailment when they loose something. and they feel like you are a positive change to their life/world. you seem very reliable to them and like a stable force in their life. you're very protective to them as well as a strong intelligent being. and to them you're very safe, kind, and sexually attractive. they find you to be very forgiving and independent, able to follow ridgid principles and and be fair and critical when needed. but still, you seem harsh on yourself. they feel like you need to learn to love yourself better and stop doubting yourself as well as stop self loathing.

you feel like they lift a burden off of your shoulders. like they release your pains and worries by being with you. but sometimes, they feel overwhelming. maybe you like to be alone often? so as much as you love them, you can get a bit overwhelmed and fatigued. they make you feel like youre a bit of a babysitter at times and not a partner. you feel like they try to micromanage things and control what can't be controlled, and it's a bit troublesome. regardless, you adore them. it feels like they can be a bit too spontaneous and it feels like you have sudden, unwelcome changes in your life that are a result of them. with them, you think you can release your negative thoughts and embrace the positive. they make you feel like you can run away from the harsh realities around you and be embraced by freedom. when you're with them, you feel like you're dreaming a bit, in a good way. like you're in another reality where you don't have negative self thoughts and your inner critic shuts up.

-what the relationship will be like KoS 5oS rx the heirophant death

itll be mentally empowering, like for the first time the both of you will have your feelings validated. one of you will be more authoritative, but itll be mutually agreed upon so dw. being w them feels like understanding absolute truth almost. like you dont need to think about other things when you're with them. you just need to love them and enjoy it. in a way, its like being with them was the death of your past pain and negative cycles, and reconciling with love as you grow a love for it. you're arguments wont even be like real arguments, just constructive conversations leaving everyone happy in the end. v v mature. you both may be very spiritual/religious and your relationship might be very traditionally. maybe you're both from the same culture or religion and bond over it.

songs w u and ur fs vibe: sex drugs etc. by beach weather, all night by beyonce, get up by newjeans, potage by tricot, future by paramore, mistakes like this by prelow, crying lightning by arctic monkey, promise by jimin, i need u and run by bts, luma from super mario galaxy

things that may resonate: the colour blue, hyyh/bts youth trilogy, running away from home, adventure, spray paint, youth, teenage years, kpop girl group leaders, rose quartz, a mature or older fs w a "sexy" image, friend groups, enemies to lovers ?, reading and intelligence, femininity and sensuality, shifting realities, academic validation, skateboarding in the suburbs during summer

Pile 3

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them AoC rx the empress rx 5oC rx 7oW the sun rx 3oW rx 10oW rx

youll be feeling depressed most likely, feeling gloomy and empty because of insecurities and self neglect. like very very low mood (i wanted to cry as soon as i pulled these cards bro. like my eyes keep watering wtf. like pile 3 are u guys good???iufyjidsuhy ily take care pls). your creativity may be blocked and you might be upset because of your depression/bad moods. because of this, you may be trying to find positives in life. like going out, self care dates, etc. trying to move on from this might end with you meeting new people. from this, looks like youll meet your fs. and fight your depression and sadness in the name of your love for this person. like for example, u may have no will to go on, but you push forward because of this person.

u might feel like this person is is pessimistic and gloomy. a bit dry too. yet, youll have high (semi unrealistic) expectations for them. like they themselves are supposed to fix you and your life. they seem like they arent punctual and maybe are a bit immature upon first impression. as well as someone who burdens themselves with alot of work. they seem like theyve burdened themselves with too much and now collapse.

- a description of your FS 4oS the devil 9oW rx 6oC 8oP rx KoP 9oC the world rx

they have very very heavy masculine energy (doesn't mean they are male, but they have a strong masculine energy about them.) they have a tired and sleepy kind of look, maybe 'senpaku' eyes. kind of like a billie eilish kind of tired/sleepy look. they look like theyre a song by the neighbourhood, if that makes sense. their fashion sense is dark and edgy, like kind of grunge, goth, emo, or a lot of dark colours and piercings generally. they are youthful looking though. with 9ow rx they might look a bit intimidating and harsh. very very edgy though like alot of dark colours. the image of silver rings and jewelry on slim fingers kind of at night comes to mind. they may like the occult and wear occult symbols.

they might be a bit lazy. maybe they currently work in a retail job or in fast food? but regardless they do not enjoy work at all. "i dont dream of labour" fr. they can rush things and might have a problematic reputation. but w KoP they dont really care. they are a reliable person with a good understanding of business and a secure self image. they are very kind and probably quite wealthy. with KoP and 9oC its like they come from a very rich background. they like to spend money often as they have alot of it and enjoy the pleasures of life. as well as spoiling their partner. they feel very content with their life and wouldn't change how things are, even negative things. still, they feel like something is missing and they haven't achieved much, especially for their age. this person gives me party vibes. somehow, theres a bit of emptiness inside of them, like a hole they just can't fill with no explanation as to why.

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them 8oS rx PoC rx 6oC rx the emperor the magician judgement rx

they think you are capable of more than you know, and they just really wished you knew that. you're like, incredible in their eyes. like a shooting star or something. they think you're getting way better and you're opening up to new, less harmful, perspectives. they think you neglect your inner child and they feel like you're using escapism too much. they feel like you need to open up and be emotionally vulnerable with them. they think you can be a bit immature at times. they want you to be more independent and move forward. they want to travel the world with you, and be with you, and love you.

you see them as someone with discipline and authority. someone who's smart, capable, and stable. you feel like they can protect you and be your shield when the world attacks you. you see them as a proactive person who works hard for their ambitions and for the relationship. they're exciting and experimental. you feel a bit 'in denial' about the relationship in some ways and like you've been ignoring or overlooking something in the relationship. its hard to say what, though. maybe you've been judging them unfairly?

-what the relationship will be like KnoP 7oP rx KoW PoS rx

you'll both take your time with it all, with no rush or 'skipping steps'. you may not realize they are the love of your life for a few years, or you may realize it but not take action. you'll both be insanely loyal. like, "slow and steady wins the race" kind of thing. you guys are perfect together and every moment is perfect, so there is absolutely no rush at all <3. but this "taking time" approach may leave one or both of you feeling impatient. at times, it might even feel like theres little or limited reward to this approach. regardless, with KoW, you can both look into the big picture and understand why you shouldn't be moving toooo fast. you or your fs will be very bold at times, romantically or maybe sexually. youll both be very energetic and taking the lead at different times. very cute and very romantic date nights. you both may struggle with communication at times and take pleasure in "being right" instead of agreeing.

songs that have the vibe of u and ur fs: colours by halsey, sweater weather by the neighbourhood but specifically the part after 2:19, born to die by lana del rey, no escape by health ft the nbhd, basically everything by the nbhd, tonight you are mine by the technicolors, we used to be friends by the dandy warhols

things that may resonate: the numbers 1218? victorian architecture, life is strange (video game), cyberpunk aesthetics, alita battle angels, college or late teens, pride, piercings, silver, gray, smoke, sneaking out to go to rock/punk concerts in the evening, beer cans, young adulthood, electric guitars, hobie from spiderverse

Pile 4

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 7oW the chariot the empress justice rx 10oS 6oC rx

you might have unjustly gotten into some trouble/accused of something you never did, but you, knowing yourself and what's right, stood up for yourself without shame. in this moment, you succeeded in defending yourself. your fs was likely present, and found you attractive and was amazed by you and your gracefulness as well as determination. you came off as the kind of person who knows what they want.

they seem like they have been betrayed and are exhausted. like they've been through alot and have been pushed around by others alot. the world turned it's back on them and those that love them have betrayed them. they seem like they have a heavy energy and carry alot of pain. with 6oC reversed they seem like they are older and more mature, someone who makes you think about the future, but seems stuck in the past. (iff that makes sense?). they seem like a very independent person who walks alone after being hurt by others.

- a description of your FS 3oW 9oW rx 2oC the moon 5oP rx temperance

they're very confident in their appearance, they may have beautiful eyes or glasses that make them look very nice. kfjshk idk y i get a big forehead vibe from them? haha. they might seem a bit emotionless and stiff, tsundere kind of look. they may look a bit tired and have eye bags. this person's eyes may be very significant. they might have a very symmetrical look to them and maybe pale skin? fs may be slim and have coloured eyes (like blue or green) and light hair. i get some masculine energy from them (does not mean they are male, but they have masculine energy.)

they're very secretive and prefer their privacy. theres alot that they hide and they are a very complex person. they follow their intuition and it often leads them in the right way. i feel like they have prominent pisces placements. they often feel a bit confused and may not be super smart. they feel welcomed by you and are in the process of recovering from alot of loss, greif, and pain. they feel more positive and like life is changing for the best. they're very patient, calm, balanced and relaxed.

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them the hermit AoW rx 7oS 9oC rx 7oP rx 9oP rx strength temperance

they might think you're a bit lonely and silent, shy but knowledgeable and deeply wise. they think you're someone who is endlessly growing and understanding themselves. you're consistently looking for new opportunities to grow and searching deeply within your soul for change and growth. they think you have alot of ideas and things to share, but you hold back and aren't saying these things. they think you're a bit sneaky and are good at lying or manipulating others. (not them necessarily) and you're incredibly smart and strategic. they find this (and you) very attractive.

you think they are a bit unfulfilled, and missing something in their life. you feel like they should try and achieve better things sometimes. bc w 9oC 7oP they seem to be a bit lazy at times and a little bit toooo relaxed. with 9oP, u may feel like they may spend money a bit too much and be somewhat superficial. they also may have issues with not being alone and independent, which they're a bit more accustomed to. giving them alone time is important. but they're insanely strong and brave to you. able to face the deepest and harshest of issues without breaking a sweat. you find this very endearing and they're incredibly caring and loving towards you even in your worst moments. you quite literally could do everything wrong and hurt them infinitely, but they'll always and forever love you and hold you gently. they seem very relaxed and balanced, tranquil and peaceful. very patient and understanding too. you feel very harmonious and tied to them.

-what the relationship will be like queen of wands 10oP rx KnoW KoS

the relationship will make you both feel confident and happy. you'll be very emotionally open and not clingy/attached the hip. you'll both have the independence you crave/prefer, and be confident in your love and relationship. you might argue/have disputes with their or your family over the relationship. it may be unconventional or controversial in your community. outside opinions may find their way to you guys and hurtful opinions will definitely cause hurt and discomfort. you may have an open relationship or something of the sort, or a very exciting and spontaneous period in the relationship. KnoW = this will likely be beneficial in the long run. you'll both have high standards for each other and expect the absolute best from one another. you don't argue often as you're able to control your emotions well.

songs that have you and your fs vibe: trash by alex g, advice by alex g, exquisite tension by youll never get to heaven, the man who died in his boat by grouper, blue city by nahee, to us by apro ft wave to earth and wavy, heavy water/id rather be sleeping by grouper, roslyn by bon iver

things that may resonate: the year 2002, liminal spaces, IT department of a company, marriage and kids, nuclear family, electronics, young love, first love, "nerd", napoleon dynamite, south and south east asia in the early 2010s?, "her", twilight

Pile 5

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 5oS rx 10oS 7oC 9oC rx 10oP KoW judgement < < < those 3 r all rx

for starters, youll be pretty upset in whatever this situation is. you were betrayed pretty badly and you're learning that winning isnt everything and sometimes situations can be lose-lose. you may be wanting to get revenge or sabotage someone over a hurt past. you may have gotten heartbroken and are now on the search for a new lover. with 9oC rx you may not be looking for something serious, but something that can make you happy for a while and supress your boredom and lack of fulfillment. maybe you want to make your ex jealous? with 7oC it looks like youll have alot of options at your disposal, but alot of these options are like illusions and are not what they seem.

you met in a non-traditional way. maybe a hookup? you think they're controversial and seem broke (compared to you, that is.). like your standards are too high for them. they seem unstable and like their wealth and success is limited or disappearing quickly. they give celeb vibes, and in your eyes they're on the road to being irrelevant. they seem power hungry but its a total turnoff as you can't see them being a strong leader. (you give the vibes of someone who watches the wizard liz haha). they seem like they don't learn from the past and aren't self aware.

- a description of your FS 7oP KnoP the sun KoW KnoW the world 4oW rx 5oP 3oW

very very veryyy strong masculine energy. (doesnt mean they are male, just their energy!) (also, sorry if i use he/him pronouns to describe this person. again, doesnt mean theyre male but the masculine energy is strongggggg here.). they look like they work very hard and are put together and wealthy looking. they alwaysss look good and smell good, youll never catch them lacking ever. idk how to explain it but they look very like wattpad rich guy kinda energy haha. they doesn't need to go all out to look good. wearing designer and kinda semi formal attire? they look stoic and doesn't express his emotions frequently. the looks very wealthy and successful, may have dark/tan skin and has very good skincare and hygiene. they look incredibly intimidating and has a resting bitch face. looks mean and scary but also sexy and alluring. looks like the "strong silent type". i also feel like they have a bts jungkook vibe (this doesnt mean jungkook is gonna be ur fs at all btw they just have his vibe so please dontldksfjhdjsf)

he feels like they belongs where they are, which is almost on top of the world. they've achieved a lot in their life and are prideful in themselves. they've travelled alottt in their life and met many powerful people. their home life was rough and they had a troublesome childhood. they welt unwelcome at home and probably still do to a degree. they may be undergoing hardship when you first meet them, and feel lost, cold, and alone. with the 4oW and 5oP, they may have somehow disgraced or embarrassed their family. i think this has to do w a family business and losing assets/money. i see this family being rich and wealthy (like chaebol kind of thing). they feel restricted and alienated. things aren't moving forward fast enough for their liking and it's frustrating to them.

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them judgement QoW wheel of fortune the empress death rx page of wands temperance

they see you very very well. they see you as someone who can take care of business, and change what needs to be changed. in your professional life and love life. you're a hard worker who people always listen to. they think you're charismatic and very confident in yourself. no one can ever deflate your ego or break your confidence. they're very attracted to this and find you passionate and an incredible socializer. i see you as some kind of business person in the future?? they think unexpected things in your life happen constantly and you're very fortunate and lucky constantly. you're extremely physically attractive to them and incredibly disciplined and hardworking. they find you very nurturing and sexy.

you think they can be afraid of change and repeat negative patterns alot. they are unwilling to take risks and let go of the past, which you feel is a source of all of their problems. you want them to come out of their shell and stop living in the shadow of others who you feel are unimportant. "you're the main character of your life, so act like it." you think they're very lively and expressive despite what others think. they're spontaneous and fun. they're balanced and calm and patient with you, which you adore. what was once spontaneous and a fleeting romance/fling (PoW) turned out to be something beautiful and meaningful thats going to last for a very very long time. (temperance)

-what the relationship will be like 10oW AoP the lovers rx PoC rx justice 6oP rx the magician

it's not going to be very easy, alot of work will need to go into it. with 10oW and the lovers rx it looks like you two may be prone to arguments and butt heads often, meaning alot of effort will need to be put into maintaining the relationship. you both are very very physically attractive, and im getting a young vibe here, and alot of money on both ends (esp w AoP) so you have alot of options as far as other partners goes. and with PoC you're prone to getting bored of one person. therefore you'll need to make sure to work hard on both ends to keep things health and even monogamous. with AoP i see even more financial abundance with this union. as if this relationship is a financial investment. you'll be an incredibly privileged couple, able to pay for expensive dates, gifts, and trips. if you don't put in the work, itll be disharmonious and boring. if hard work is put in, romantic attempts and efforts will be rewarding and both will be treated fair and with immense love. one of you may be controlling or overbearing as far as power dynamics may go. and gifting the other alot while getting nothing in return. this might not be bad though. the magician = being proactive and manifesting your desires, so this excessive gifting and power dynamic may be mutually agreed upon.

songs that have the vibe of u and ur fs: closer to you by jungkook, pray for me by the weeknd ft kendrick lamar, los angeles and crown by seulgi, i am by ive, unforgettable by french montana ft swae lee, famous by french montana, escapism by raye

things that may resonate: extreme wealth, jungkook vibes (i promise this doesnt mean its jungkook its just the VIBES so..😭😭), city at night, sportscars with lights in them, the colours purple, red, and green, the wizard liz, manifesting money, rich networking parties, feminine ceo energy, wealthy business people, shanghai and beijing, qatar and dubai, wonyoung

Pile 6

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 4oW poW AoC rx the world poS 6oP

you met this person at some kind of gathering, like a wedding, baby shower, party etc. or a reunion of sorts. you were feeling extroverted and spoke to them completely out of the blue after experiencing a series of emotional instability and emptiness. as well as creative losses/blocks and difficulties. you likely flirted with them out of nowhere for the sheer "yolo" feeling. love that for u tbh.

they seemed like they really belonged and were having a good time at this event (im getting wedding tbh.) and they were a very achieved, successful, and strong individual with a sense of harmony and fulfillment. they seemed very witty and funny, alert and smart. able to make a great and pleasant conversation, v fun to talk to! they came off as very generous and kind as well as someone helpful to their community willing to give away their fortune for the good of others.

- a description of your FS 10oW AoW rx 2oS rx AoS justice rx 10oP 6oC rx

they look strong, muscular, rugged and hardworking. they have a larger frame and some masculine energy (masculine energy doesn't mean your fs is male, just their energy is masculine.) they may have prominent facial hair (eg. beard, strong bushy eyebrows, etc.) they appear a bit nervous and anxious. despite a muscular build they look passive, timid, and nervous. they have a gentle and cuter face.

they're smart and constantly have new ideas and breakthroughs. they have an incredibly creative mind and may be an author? they often avoid accountability and can be dishonest and unfair. they have family issues and dispute with others about finances and assets. they are mature and move on from the past rather than living in a nostalgic past 24/7.

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them wheel of fortune rx PoP the magician rx 3oS rx 3oP rx KnoC

they feel like you can be unfortunate at times and find yourself in unfortunate scenarios. you try to cling onto control but fate often has other plans for you. they would like you to just accept that some things can't be changed. they feel like you're incredibly talented, but dont use your talents when it'll make your life easier. they feel like you're incredibly diligent though, and have an incredible sense of loyalty and duty. they see you as an incredibly intelligent person who's going to do incredible things one day. like, they see you and think "they'll change the world". they're incredibly in love with you and feel like their world revolves around you. they love u sm.

you think they're a bit emotionally repressed, but you for some reason feel extra compelled to forgive and accept them and their faults or wrongs. you feel extra forgiving towards them. you think they can be a bit competitive and uncooperative, which may be the source of pain and arguments? but still, they're great at mediating arguments and are incredibly skillful and smart. they're diplomatic and resourceful. they're an overall joy to be around and are loving and thoughtful. they're extremely romantic and flirty!!!

-what the relationship will be like QoC strength QoP 2oW rx

the relationship will be extremely therapeutic and loving. a strong sense of comfort and mutual trust will be built, creating an extremely healthy environment. the relationship will not only be deep romantically, but platonically. you'll be the absolute best of friends as well as loving union of partners. the people around you are likely to be admiring your relationship, too enamoured with your love to feel envy. you hype eachother up 24/7 365 and are the source of each others overgrowing confidence. like this is peak healthy relationship. you live comfortable and luxurious lives and are wealthy, especially in emotion and love. with QoC strength and QoP you're likely to live as a happy and comfortable married couple and grow old together. the relationship is stable and comforting with both sides being madly in love with the other and their presence. goals may be reached spontaneously rather than with slow effort and intense planning.

songs with the vibe of you and your fs: rip tide by vance joy, the astronaut by jin, moon begins by florist, everything stays by olivia olson (adventure time), good habits (and bad) by saba lou, butterfly (prologue mix) by bts

things that may resonate: the 80s, backpacking across europe and south east asia, travel, charity, travel to hot climates, suburban homes, adoption, 2 kids and a pet, wealth, hiking and outdoors, forests, 2nd grade, settling down, summertime memories that feel like pixie dust

I hope you enjoyed !! take what resonates, leave what doesnt :p.

[ginevrapng]

𝐈'𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔

pairing: fwb!james potter x reader

word count: 2.1k words

(18+ / contains sexual content - fingering)

you and james have no official title, you don't even know if you'd consider yourself friends but you makeout a lot. you're very different people, so different in fact, james is the the popular gryffindor chaser trouble-maker prankster, while you're completely opposite, not a trouble maker and definitely not popular or well known.

whenever james sees you he walks the other way, you'd be lying if you said a bit of you didn't hurt when it happened but it's not like you don't understand it, if james in public ever came up to you in front of your friends and started talking to you your friends would definitely have a lot of questions the difference is you don't walk the other way when you see him and pretend not to know he exists.

you come from completely different social circles yet you can't stay away from him. you know you probably should. none of your friends would understand it, to them they see the arrogant james potter who use to bully first years and sometimes you think it would be easier if you saw that too.

instead though you see the cocky james potter in class who borderlines on arrogant like it's a sport, always supporting a cocky grin or smirk to go along with it. you see the james potter that laughs so loud everyone looks at him and he doesn't even care that everyone's watching. james potter with all his messy black hair that he must never style and muscles from quidditch that you definitely haven't spent years admiring. james who half the time is out of breath running from or to something, still laughing and smiling, calling his friends stupid names and pushing the teachers patience. james who doesn't terrorise first years anymore but still has a bone to pick with anyone that hurts his friends or anyone who goes against all things he considers good. the james potter who kisses you like you're the only source of oxygen he has, james who compliments you every five seconds you're next to him and always puts a smile on your face.

you're on your way to potions when you're suddenly getting pulled into a tiny dark cupboard. before you can even scream and get your wand out you smell the familiar scent of petrichor and pine and broom polish and a scowl appears on your face as you turn around as much as you can in this small space to face your kidnapper. "i have potions potter, i'm going to be late."

"i haven't seen you in ages though." he whines and grabs hold of your hand holding it in his before lowering his voice, "i've missed you."

your face heats up at his words and his close proximity, "i really can't i have potions james. i really want slughorn to like me, i wanna get in the slug club."

james leans even closer to you so that you can feel his breath against your face and can feel the frames of his glasses slightly pressing against your forehead. "i know slughorn already likes you, lily told me. i'm sure you'll get invited. please," he puts his hand under your shirt and holds onto your soft waist and draws patterns on it with his callus thumb that he has from playing quidditch, "i need you."

you're so close to giving in. "of course evans would have told you that."

james moves his hands further up your body. "aw, you jealous love?" he teases with a smirk on his face.

"no potter, that would mean i'd actually have to care and i-" your sentence is cut off with a whimper when james reaches your breasts and gently circles around your nipple. "you're such a tease potter."

james looks down and you with hooded lust filled eyes before whispering in your eye, "yeah but you like it."

you refuse to answer and james grins, still playing with nipple. you push your body against him more trying to get more stimulation, you know what he wants, what he always wants. "please james," you whimper. you've feel like he's been doing this forever and you're on the edge of tears by now and you know he can do a lot worse, you hope he'll just give you what you want.

you start undoing the buttons on your shirt before he pushes your hands away and starts undoing it himself, "it's okay, i've got you." you know that his way of saying that he won't tease that, that he'll give you what you need, he feels kind of guilty for making you miss potions so he'll make it up to you. he wants you just as bad, even more. he places a delicate kiss of your shoulder, "missed you love."

after your shirt is off it starts getting heating. more heated than ever.

you're already cramped as is but james is pushing you against the wall and he's almost feral with how heavenly you feel against him. james is gripping your plush waist so hard that it'll bruise.

you would normal feel self conscious shirtless with a guy but with james that goes away as you get a confident boost when you see him fest his eyes on your body. his hands are placed on your love handles where he can feel your plush pudgy skin in his hands.

he's placing hickeys down your neck which is unspoken rule of you two not to do but right now you don't care and afterwards you find that makeup will cover them up anyway. it just feels so good and james desperately needs you to remember him. if you don't see each other for a couple weeks again he wants to make sure you know that he's the one that makes you feel good, a deterrent on any guy who comes close to you and a reminder of him every time you look in the mirror.

you're trying to be quiet, you have no idea if james casted a silencing spell but moans and groans and whimpers escape from your mouth every time his lips aren't pressed against yours, you're biting down on your own trying to keep from drawing attention.

james' face is buried in the crook of your neck, "god, you feel so soft. so fucking good." his breathing heavy like he's trying to control himself. you're getting fuzzy as he's kissing every inch of you and playing with your breasts.

"more," you breathily say, your pupils dilated and you're out of breath. james immediately stops and pulls away from you, causing you to whimper again from the loss of contact.

"what'd you say?" his voice hitches as he looks at you, trying to keep eye contact with you to make sure he's understanding. you've never gone further than this.

"please jamie." his gulps. he doesn't say anything for a moment, like he's frozen in time, he's contemplating something. you're about to ask him again, getting more needy.

"yeah. yeah. i can do that." he grins at you. "what'cha need love?" he doesn't know what to expect. he didn't expect some eloquent essay but he did expect some kind of full sentence.

he didn't get though, all he got was you holding his hand, "fingers." his eyes widen at your simple ask and he's so very close to having a heart attack or having his heart burst out of his chest, he didn't know which one, he couldn't tell.

"okay love, i've got you. need your skirt off, is that okay?" you hurriedly nod your head and james hopes that he's the only person who's ever made you feel like this.

he knows he doesn't really need your skirt down but he so desperately wanted to see all of you, he's never seen you completely naked before and he's close to drooling as your skirt pools to the floor and your thick chubby thighs are on display. he forgets what he was doing as he admires you, every inch of you, and god does he want to fuck your thighs. he shakes his head to get the idea out of his head as he feels you pull on his arm. he smiles sweetly at you before kissing you gently, you and james have never kissed like this before, you've never kissed anyone like this before, soft and gently, he's brushes your cheek with his thumb so delicately that it makes you need him more before he kisses you one more time.

james grazes his fingers over your knickers and blushes, "you're so wet." he says in awe.

"f' you," you whimper and look up at him.

he groans and pushes your underwear to the side. "pussy's so pretty love." he tells you while his fingers rub at your clit. you have no control over the noises that you're making at this point. he's complimenting your body while you're falling apart on his fingers.

you want more and james can tell by the way you grab hold tightly on his arm and at the same time his hair. you've always stayed away from touching his unruly hair, the main reason being that up close it looks so soft and you worry touching it would cross a boundary but now you're pulling his hair and scratching his arm without abandonment.

james coos at you, all the while his eyes are still wide and his breathing is just as heavy as yours. "i know love." he plunges two of his fingers in your pussy while still playing with your clit. james is kissing you all over and he couldn't help himself but bite one of your tits causing you to squeal which makes him chuckle.

he knows the signs, he's been with girls before so when you start clenching around his fingers he knew you were close, it makes him dizzy knowing that he's the one who's doing this to you and he unconsciously starts rutting his body against yours.

"jamie- i"

"i know love, let go for me."

everything went white and your knees gave way. you felt fuzzy. luckily james was there to catch you, and made sure you didn't fall down, when you blinked a few times and came back to reality james was still gripping onto your waist with a huge grin on his face.

"was that good?"

"shut up potter." you mumble while looking away from him.

james gleefully chuckles, "i'm going to take that as a yes."

you reluctantly look at him, "you know it was good, i don't want to inflate your huge ego more than it already is." his grin widens as he looks at you.

your eyebrows furrow and james goes into panic mode, "what's wrong? was that not okay? did you not want to do?" you press your finger against his lips. he calms down knowing that you're not angry because this is definitely not angry behaviour from you. once you ignored him for a whole month, even though he tried to talk to you so many times, because one of your friends was a victim to one of his pranks..

"you didn't... you know.." you say quietly, embarrassed that you acted so selfish.

his face heats up, "it's okay, if you hadn't finished when you did i'm sure i would have come in my boxers and god that would of been embarrassing."

you burst out laughing and james feels so much pride because of it. "you got to see me completely naked yet you still had your shirt and trousers on, that's completely unfair."

james smirks as he wonders if you want to see him naked just as much as he wanted to see you, "that's just how the world works love."

you cross your arms and pout, "next time, james."

james thinks he might die, did you just suggest that next time you'll return the favour.

he has to tell you. he has to tell you. i love you. i love you. i love you.

the bell rings.

"holy shit, i'm going to be late for herbology, i can't miss another class. see you later james."

you run out the door and the words die at the top of his tongue.

you haven't seen james in a week, you've both been busy. you successfully make it to potions today and you're brewing amortentia. you smell petrichor, pine and broom polish.

[soaringwide]

Pick a Card - What is you Persona?

Today we're going to look at your persona, or as the definition goes:

"an individual's social facade or front that, especially in the analytical psychology of Carl Gustav Jung, reflects the role in life the individual is playing"

So this reading won't be about who you are from your point of view, but the role you play socially and lean into, and that others perceive you as. It's especially important for people in the public eye, but I think everyone can gain from being more aware of the mask they wear in society, whether you want to craft a mask of your choosing or desire to be more authentic.

If we're being technical, everyone has different persona depending on the social context (work vs friends, etc), but we'll look at one of them/the main one only.

As always, this is a general reading meant for multiple people so it might not apply to you 100%. Take what resonates and leave out the rest.

PILE 1

Cards: The Gem, The Thread, The Prayer, The Moon, 3 of Wands, the Empress, King of Cups, 8 of Pentacles, Justice, Knight of Pentacles, 4 of Wands, Ace of Pentacles, 2 of Wands

Let's start with a description of your persona, as in, the role you take on in society.

You role in society seems to be of someone who prioritize actions that assist and improve others, embodying the role of a helper. You are a path-maker and actively encourage people to follow along, and they do, because they sense that there is something you see or know that they don't. They see you as someone who has accumulated a lot of wisdom in their field of interest, that makes them some type of refined diamond that shines among common rocks. You are respected and admired for your abilities and people go to you for your specialized advice. They see you as a trailblazer, someone who is not afraid to take the lead and who people come to for their advice and knowledge.

The first impression people get from you is that you appear rather withdrawn and mysterious, secretive even. You don't seem to share a lot about yourself and they don't really get what's going on inside of your head. You might even come off as moody to some because they don't see the inner emotional tides that affect your behavior. This makes total sense after the last paragraph that highlighted that your role is someone who takes action, what you are on the inside you keep somewhat hidden and probably show that to only a few selected people. I'm getting internet persona for some, for others it has to do with work.

For the perceived qualities, people can see that you're someone who is a visionary, someone who has a higher perspective on things. They see you as driven, ambitious and a force to be reckoned with. You are able to communicate your energetic curiosity to others, which makes you a great team leader. Someone who's able to plan ahead and make the right decisions at the right time.

As for your flaws, they see you as someone who has a hard time enjoying the simple pleasures of life, because you're so dedicated to your cause. All work and no play, so to speak. You are very action-oriented and the drawback of that is that you seem rather unreachable, someone who is affected by nothing and that people have a hard time connecting with on a deeper level. They have a hard time getting to know you on a friend or romantic level because you are so focused on your own path that you don't let people in easily.

What others think drive you in life is your desire to be a positive influence on people around you and your dedication to whatever career or cause you are involved with. To lead with compassion and fairness with your greater understanding of things. They also see you as driven by the desire to better your craft and work for your community tirelessly and almost egolessly. So I think despite your withdrawn nature, you still come off as empathetic, it's just very neutral and it doesn't seem to affect you personally.

Above all, as someone who values integrity, you seem to fear unfairness and facing unjust repercussions. There is a fear of being attacked for the wrong reason or by the wrong people and not being able to defend yourself or the people you protect. I'm getting that in our world, things are not always just, in social settings, or even and especially on the political and executive level of things, which makes you very wary of that and you do your best to shield yourself or others from that. There is also a fear of losing control over the situation, again for reasons that would be unjust and outside of your control.

Now getting back to you, your persona has developed within you with the goal of being a link to your community, to bring you together and create a fairer and happier society for you and the people you care about. To bring forward the ideas and values you hold dear to your heart. It allows you to be someone people can rely on to have a positive impact on them. A solid foundation people can go back to when they need to. I'm also getting the word armor, as in, your persona protects yourself.

And it seems its quite aligned with your relationship with your persona, which I intended as a way to see its level of healthiness in your psyche's landscape. I think you're quite happy with the way you work in society. You persona does allow you to grab greater opportunities and makes things happen for you and your community. It's also a way to protect yourself by giving you some type of distance between your core-self and the way you are among others. It brings you a sense of control and security (which I was getting in the previous section), which is the goal of the persona.

I would say, however, that it might feel a bit lonely at time, so make sure you do share who you are on the inside with your chosen people and don't stay trapped in your persona at all times. I really think you're a great person who does amazing things, but don't forget that you also need deep connection and authentic exchanges to remain balanced and happy. You just need to find the right context to allow yourself to do that.

PILE 2

Cards: The Vow, The Lover, The High Priestess, 5 of Swords, 6 of Wands, 4 of Swords, 6 of Swords, Death, the Magician, the Chariot, Judgement, 7 of Swords, the Fool

First let's look at the description of your persona, as in, the role you take in society and how you appear.

You're someone who appears to others as having a rich inner world that they can't quite understand, as if they could sense the ties that bind you to the realm of the mind and the spirit. On the outside, they can tell that you seek living things deeply and experiencing reality with all senses, but that it's not superficial but rather a way for you to reach the meaning of life, in the way of the poet. But there's also some type of almost ascetic vibe to you, as if you indulged in excess in a serious manner. I don't think you appear very grounded or emotional, as if you explored your social settings in an almost disembodied, experimental way; gathering information for a purpose people cannot comprehend because you just don't talk about it and keep it to yourself. They can tell you have secrets and they might not dare asking. You also appear fully committed to your individuality and unapologetic about who you are. It's like you are not grounded in reality/society but rather grounded in your inner world. I will develop more further but I just wanted to give a heads up that this persona is quite complex and layered.

The first impression you make on people is of someone who is proud of the battle they fought and openly talks about their past struggles. They can sense that you are strong and confident even if you haven't exchanged any words yet. They can sense you are a very resilient person who will not let anyone belittle them. You might come off a bit strong though for those who do not resonate with your vibe. However I do think you are aware of that but just don't care.

For your perceived qualities, you appear rather calm and composed, as if nothing and no one could break your peace. They see you as easy going and not someone who will create needless drama with others. You keep to yourself and if there's mayhem around you, you just don't engage. There is again this idea that you're very connected to your inner self and have a lot of personal integrity and always try to align your words and actions.

For your perceived flaws, people can sense you still have some baggage you are dragging with you. You may have had your heart or mind broken a few times and it's making you lacking trust in social interactions and it's blocking you from forming deep connection. You have a vibe of someone who's always a foot in the door, as if you were just passing by. It's like, they can sense your authenticity and you do share who you are on some level, but you're also metaphorically facing away from others, not letting anyone close to your heart. There are no cups in this reading at all, so, again, you don't really show any emotions publicly and would rather show the way you think and your philosophy of the world rather than being emotionally vulnerable. You are very guarded in that sense.

As to what you show as driving you in life, you display the fact that you are here to keep changing and evolving, mastering your self completely and not letting any setbacks get in your way of doing so. You take the saying that one must change themselves in order to change the world at heart and make it a core principle. I keep getting this feeling that you're always pushing and pushing forward without rest, all consumed that you are by your what you desire to transmute.

So it makes sense that your fear would show up as the fear of losing control. Sometimes, it's like the mask of your persona slips for a second and that people see you are terrified of losing agency over your own world. You are afraid of getting lost or trapped in a situation that you do not like and it can make you quite rebellious in sudden outburst, when that mask slips. You don't like when people put into question your way of living and are very protective of your life choices and your personality. You may snap back at people who try to break your balance by attacking your personality, or at least that's what you perceive it as.

Your persona developed as a way to help you communicate the deep and intense person that you are on the outside. I also get the idea of showcasing some aspects of your personality in a way that is intentional and powerful. I think you may have been rather shy and withdrawn in the past, or even as a child, and this persona allows a safe way for you to exist in society with as much authenticity as possible. You have a very soft heat on the inside and you want to protect it.

Finally, for what's your relationship with your persona, which one could also read as how healthy it is, I'm getting that you are fully aware of the mask you wear or the trick you play on people so to speak. Not that you are lying, but you're forging a very specific image and I think you're stealing yourself a bit here because you are not communicating the full depth of your feelings to anyone unless you are 100% sure of their intentions, and it's shooting yourself in the foot because some people will just not connect to you at all because they feel that they can't since you won't allow them in.

However, I do get that your persona is prone to evolving and shifting easily, so I don't think you are stuck in that, at all. I think your persona will naturally evolve as you transmute things within yourself and feel safer expressing other facets of yourself. You do have a deep poetic heart and it would be a shame to hide it behind a wall of spikes at all times.

PILE 3

Cards: the Tear, the Prayer, 3 of Cups rx, 2 of Pentacles, the Tower, Knight of Pentacles, the High Priestess, Page of Pentacles, 8 of Pentacles, 9 of Swords, the Devil, 10 of Swords, King of Cups, the Hanged Man, 8 of Wands, 4 of Cups, Page of Wands rx

Right off the bat I get the sense that you are quite young or at least not fully developed yet and that your persona is not fully formed and is some type of unintentional byproduct of what happens on the inside of yourself. You are probably struggling with mental health issues which may also be why you are appearing in such state, because you got pulled back a bit.

But let's start by describing your persona, of the role you take on and how you appear to others.

You appear as rather closed-off, quite disconnected from the people around you. You may be shy, reserved or even socially anxious. People get the sense that you are quite vulnerable and easily overwhelmed and not at ease at all in social settings. A bit of an antisocial personality as well that make you withdraw and dislike connecting with others, perhaps because you just don't have the spoons although it's hard for other people to understand.

The first impression you make on people is that you are quite unbalanced in the way you behave and react. I get the sense of a past traumatic event that affects your personality greatly and that you're trying to balance by trying to be composed and grounded but it's like you keep shifting between those two opposite sides of the scale. You might appear erratic and unpredictable or the complete opposite depending on the day. But on the good days people can tell you are trying to move forward steadily and carefully.

For your perceived qualities, people can tell that you have gained some type of inner knowledge on life and its pain and that you are committed to rebuilding yourself with hope and dedicated, even if it's in its state of infancy. They can tell you hold some wisdom about human nature and you might be quite intuitive. It's like you're holding this treasure close to your heart and you sometimes show it to others very briefly.

For your perceived flaws, the idea of being disconnected from others show up again, this time to show you are not invested in your community and are very centered on yourself. Can't blame you as I think you have your reasons, but that's definitely something people see. I really think you're just very focused on rebuilding yourself and you don't have the energy to invest in others.

As to what people think drives you in life, it seems you are dead set on overcoming your deep anxiety and just get better and get out of the hole you are in currently. You have your own demons to fight and you are determined to slay them, so to speak. Again, I think you are definitely struggling with mental health issues or substance abuse, perhaps you're even hospitalized (or have been), or are in a time of recovery and that's what's being shown out: this desire to get better and to break the chains that hold you mentally and emotionally.

So it's interesting that for your perceived fear, getting worse and losing mastery of your emotions come forward. You are afraid of losing your stability and not being able to ask or reach out for help. There is a deep rooted fear of further isolation and losing grasp of anything good in life.

Why you developed this persona is because, well, it seems you just didn't have a choice and it happened as a way to survive in some way. You felt stuck as a result of your past struggles and it got pushed outside of you for others to see, so that you could communicate your inner issues and perhaps communicate your need for support in an indirect way. It all came with a sense of urgency like you suddenly had to shift the way you appeared to others in an emergency reaction of sorts.

As I said in the very beginning, you persona appears as an underdeveloped defense mechanism and I don't think it's in a healthy state at all. It's definitely not intentional and right now you're just living in it because that's all you can do. I think you have a very passionate and adventurous core to you that got somewhat pushed back but that will totally emerge again once the crisis is over. Keep hanging on, try to communicate with others more directly and have faith that things will get better because they will!