#wanted to make it look a bit imperfect/blurry

[larapaulussen]

[angelltheninth]

Coriolanus Snow Manipulates You

Coriolanus Snow manipulates you with sweet words and praise. You don't even ever get a word of doubt in because he already has words to reassure you with. You may make him want to be a better man but that doesn't mean that he won't still slip back into his sweet words to make you see things like he wants you to.

Coriolanus Snow manipulates you by overwhelming you with big events you have to attend together. If you're always busy planning for the next big thing you have no time to dwell on the little imperfections of the way he's running things. He lets you have as much control over what you wear and who you talk to during these events to make you think you're the one in control.

Coriolanus Snow manipulates you when he takes you on vacations with him away from the Capitol. Completely isolated and alone with him he has time to talk to you and uncover any seeds of doubt you make have towards him or his love for you. And get rid of them over the next few days all under the illusion that he just wanted some alone time with his lover.

Coriolanus Snow manipulates you every time he buys you gifts. They aren't things you've told him you want but things that will make you feel almost guilty about him buying. He says he only bought them because he wanted you to have them, and that all he asks for in return is that you love him and stay by his side.

Coriolanus Snow manipulates you when he kisses you more time then you can count in a single day. He's lovebombing you but you don't even realize it because he's been away and busy for a bit, leaving you starved for his love and attention, making you think that he's just trying to make up for lost time.

Coriolanus Snow manipulates you when he vows to make love to you any time you want, breaking that promise because of his duties and then fucking you so much you can't help but tell him how much you love him. It's this tactic of being away and then giving you all of him once he's back that keeps you torn between the two extremes, not seeing the middle at all.

Coriolanus Snow manipulates you as he fucks you with your wedding rings on. He makes sure to keep your hand in his and always in your field of vision, no matter how blurry your eyes get. It serves as a constant reminder that you are his and he is yours, that was the promises you made.

Coriolanus Snow manipulates you by making sure to look you in the eye when he comes, telling you about the family he wants to start, the better life he wants to build with you. He looks at your stomach, currently flat but in his eyes you can almost see the family he wants to make with you. You think of how wonderful it would be, to have him by your side as you raise your kids.

Coriolanus Snow manipulates you when he constantly tells you how good you are for him, how much he would love spending every moment of the day inside you and making sure you get that family you've talked about. He doesn't want there to be any room for doubt in your mind over how devoted he is to you, even when he's fucking you so hard you can barely understand what he's saying.

Coriolanus Snow manipulates you by inviting you into his office and having sex with you there. See nothing is more important to him then you and making you feel good. Not even his work. What you fail to notice is that most of those papers have already been signed, he didn't have to fuck you in his office but he chose to.

[linos-luna]

can you write something with chan where the reader is insecure about her body and chan has mirror sex with reader and he makes her look at herself but she ends up getting really uncomfortable and uses the safeword? if not that ok!! ty :)

Sorry it took forever! But I hope you like ☺️

———————————————————————

Perfectly Imperfect ❣️🥀

Bang Chan x Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+ smut, unprotected sex, ddlg, use of safe word, crying, body image issues

————————————————————————

Chan was taking you from behind, thrusting into your wet cunt as you buried your face in the sheets. He loved hearing your muffled moans and watching it all through the mirror in front of the bed.

“Come on babygirl…” he smirked while pulling your hair to have you look up. “You like being stuffed with my cock? You want more?”

“Yes daddy… yes daddy more~” your voice was breathy and eyes rolled back.

“Look how dirty you look, babygirl…” Chan grunted as he thrusted deep, hitting that sweet spot, making you moan out loud. “Dirty little girl…”

Although your vision was blurry, it soon cleared up a bit and you were looking forward.

You see yourself in the mirror. Your boyfriend looked hot and amazing, but you…

Well you hated seeing yourself. It took you out of the moment. Now you could see every part of your naked body. Every little imperfection.

Your mind was racing… have I always been that big? Ew what is that? He’s seeing me like this?? Ew, I’m so ugly—

“…. R-red….” You whispered as tears were forming.

Chan didn’t hear you and you started to panic.

“Red! Red! Stop!! Get off! Get off!!” You continued crying out as he quickly stopped and pulled out. He wasn’t sure what happened but you were practically shaking.

“Babygirl, what’s wrong??” He asked frantically

“N-no! No! Don’t look! No! No!” You cried while trying to cover yourself up with the covers.

“Okay! Okay! It’s okay!” Chan said while getting off the bed and looking away.

Your boyfriend put his boxers back on and didn’t turn around until he heard you sobbing.

“Babygirl?”

“I-I-… I’m sorry…” Your eyes were still glassy with tears as you looked down at the sheets covering you up.

“Don’t be sorry…” Chan said while handing you your underwear and one of his shirts. “It’s not your fault.”

You slipped the clothes on and hid under the covers in shame. This was embarrassing. You just wanted to disappear.

“Babygirl…” your boyfriend says as he sits next to you. “It’s okay… you did nothing wrong… I forgot that you… I forgot…”

You didn’t respond and Chan lifted the part of the covers obstructing your face to get a better look.

“Hey pretty girl… come out when you feel comfortable okay?”

You nodded and he smiled before putting the cover back over you.

Babygirl…” He sat next to you and gently patted you over the covers. “I think you’re beautiful… perfectly imperfect.”

You didn’t respond but he definitely caught your attention.

“I understand how hard it is… to love your body…” he said with a sigh. “It takes time…”

You lowered the covers from your face and wiped some tears.

Chan smiled at you and patted your head. “Are you feeling better?”

You nodded and sat up, letting the covers fall to your waist.

“Good.” Chan said while rubbing your cheek. “I love you, babygirl.”

“You say that too much.”

“Well I have to constantly remind you.” Your boyfriend chuckled and leaned in, giving you a tight hug. “I love you, pretty girl.”

[raina-at]

In Vino Veritas

Sherlock remembers having heard this somewhere, that wine brings out the truth.

He doesn't know if that's remotely true, but it does seem to have brought out something.

Moments ago, John's hand was on his knee, and the soft firelight painted him golden and warm. Moments ago, Sherlock felt all the ridiculous affection he has for John well up in his heart and spill over. Moments ago, he smiled and put his hand over John's.

Things got a bit blurry, after that, and now...

Now John is straddling him in his chair, John's hands are buried in his hair and they're kissing. Snogging, really. There's lots of tongue, and it's sloppy and imperfect and Sherlock wants to die, it's so good. John feels absolutely divine pressed up against Sherlock, and Sherlock lets his hands wander all over John's back. John tastes of whisky and desire, of forbidden fruit and every long-denied sensory pleasure.

John tastes of whisky.

John is drunk.

Sherlock is drunk.

Sherlock pulls back and pushes John away. "Stop."

John pulls away and Sherlock can see him blink himself back to reality. He looks at Sherlock, messed up and mussed from kissing and devastated. "I'm sorry," he mutters. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I know you don't... I don't know what I was thinking."

"You're drunk," Sherlock points out. "And so am I."

"I'm sorry," John says again, looking at Sherlock with such sadness, such heartbreak. "I'm sorry, I know you don't do this, it'll never happen again, I'm-"

Sherlock puts a finger over his lips. "You're drunk," he says, softly, because he can't let John go on thinking that Sherlock doesn't want this. He wants this more than his next breath. But he wants it to be real, and not just some drunken lark. "You're engaged. I can't..."

The expression on John's face is difficult to read, but his smile is soft and delicate and lovely. "And what if I wasn't? What if I was single, and stone cold sober and came back and kissed you again?"

Sherlock swallows, meeting John's hungry, hopeful eyes. "Then..." he says, leans up and presses one soft kiss to John's lips.

John smiles. "I have to go now."

*-*

Sherlock has a monstrous headache. He fell asleep on the sofa, in his clothes, and he doesn't quite remember everything that happened last night. But he does remember John kissing him. Or him kissing John. He's a bit fuzzy on the details. But he remembers hands in his hair and hungry eyes on his, and he remembers telling John he won't take John drunk and horny. He'll only take him sober and fully aware of what he's doing.

He makes himself tea and toast and drinks about a litre of water. Then he sits in his chair and contemplates his life choices. He doesn't feel very good about most of them right now.

The door to 221 opens and closes.

Sherlock would recognise John's tread on these stairs if he was deaf, blind and stupid. Well, he feels pretty damned stupid right now, but there's nothing wrong with his senses whatsoever.

He stands up, prepares himself for the inevitable. A gentle rejection, a plea to forget this ever happened. Or an angry accusation, a demand never to speak to John again.

There's a knock on the door. Tentative and hesitant.

"Come in," Sherlock says roughly, his voice not entirely recovered from the dehydration of the alcohol. At least that's the reason he gives himself for how unsteady his voice is.

John opens the door. He looks at Sherlock, an unreadable expression on his face. He takes a step closer. Another step. Another, until he stands right in front of Sherlock.

"So what were the criteria again?" he says, with a small, hopeful smile. "Single, and sober, and here?"

Sherlock feels his lips stretch into a smile as he feels the knot of anxiety in his stomach dissolve into relief and happiness. "Something like that."

"And what did you promise me in return?" John asks, his smile now tender and happy and positively glowing.

"This," Sherlock says, and leans down for a kiss.

Thank you so much @calaisreno for the tag and the prompt. Thank you so much for giving us prompts and writing lovely, beautiful, brilliant ficlets every day. 😍😍😍

PS I kind of hate myself for not doing a "It's a truth universally acknowledged" beginning, but I do owe you all two ficlets (I skipped two days), so I think I'll do a bonus one with extra fluffy Bakers.

Tagging a few people: @lisbeth-kk @keirgreeneyes @jrow @peanitbear @meetinginsamarra @thetimemoves @catlock-holmes @discordantwords @topsyturvy-turtely @helloliriels @fluffbyday-smutbynight and anyone else who wants to play.

[poraphia]

hahahaha angsty idea. Reader vigilante reveal but this time siren is furious. He starts fighting the reader— but they don’t fight back. They don’t move a single muscle as he pushes them into a wall. They sit there, and accept it

i just wanna mention i love writing for these little prompts they're like little warm ups for me hehesheehe

---

A vigilante and a supervillain.

One minute, they watched the moon rise with the stars. Their fingers near centimeters apart as they rested against the textured stone.

The next minute, screaming and loud thuds echoed through the night, yet not a single soul dared to approach the pair.

The vigilante fell back, their body sliding against the cold granite. Bits and pieces of their outfit tore from the friction. Siren stood a meter away, but his shadow engulfed them like flames. Tears stained his blindfold as he was forced into a blurry haze. His head throbbed, but it was nowhere near close to how hard his heart pounded in his chest.

"YOU'RE A FUCKING LIAR, (Y/N)! A GOD DAMN LIAR." He screamed in agony. Slowly, he stepped toward the limp figure. A figure so weak they coughed out blood as their head rested against an arm.

"Get up."

With his honey voice, the vigilante was forced back onto their feet.

"Look at me."

Their head whipped up. Tears and blood trickled down their face. Their body was scratched, damaged, and bruised, but Siren, you couldn't find a single imperfection on his body.

Siren pushed them against the wall of the fire escape. The same location where they had their first encounter. The same location where (y/n) decided to take Siren's heart before shoving it in a grinder. He slammed his hands on either side of their face, digging his palms into the tiny rocks that nearly pierced his skin.

But he didn't care.

No, he couldn't care less.

Siren stood there, near breathing down the vigilante's neck, while all they could do was stand there and take it. His heaving chset was consistent with rage. An audible and visual show to his confliction. He stood there, silent for a minute. (y/n) dare refused to say anything because they knew that any word, no matter how wrong or how right it was, would ruin the man even more.

After some time gathering his own words, Siren took one deep exhale before ripping off his blindfold, revealing puffy and horribly glossy eyes. His eyes searched their face, searching for any sign to tell him to cut this shit out, but instead, it filled him more with rage and sorrow.

"I... I fucking loved you." He choked. "I loved you before we started talking. I loved you when we were running around being silly teenagers."

Siren forced both his hands back on either side of their head. "I loved you EVEN WHEN YOU WENT MISSING FOR YEARS BECAUSE I HAD SOME TYPE OF HOPE." (y/n) remained speechless and only stared back with the most pained expression on their face.

"AND TO THINK--!" Siren backed away now, running a hand through his hair as nothing but manic chuckles escaped his throat. "To think that I was finally getting over you?! That I had found someone new," He whipped his head back to face them. "THAT I CAN FINALLY HEAL, (Y/N)."

Chuckles turned into giggles, giggles turned into laughs, laughs turned to harrowing cries of pain as he crouched down onto the ground, hugging his knees.

He had fucking lost it now.

Siren's noises of distress soon died down. He stood up straight again, staring straight through the vigilante.

"I'm going to make sure you are never in my life again." He uttered softly.

"They don't call me a super villain for nothing."

(y/n) nodded, closing their eyes. If this was the relief Will wanted, and if this promised him to be happier in the future, then by all means, he could do whatever they wanted to them.

"(y/n)," His cold, icy stare pierced through their heart like an icicle. "jump o--"

"WI- SIREN! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

[merakiui]

I had a dream... even in my sleep I'm a slut.

Squid game au where you and Scaramouche are the last two players alive. You don't know what tomorrow's game will be, but only one of you can leave there alive.

Scara's a mess. You're an easy picking for someone like him. No matter what the game is, he can definitely beat you. He's older, smarter, and despite his small stature, he's much, much stronger than you.

Scaramouche is hungry.

He's guaranteed the win. All that money is his. He can pay off his debts, get that pesky doctor off his ass. He can purge the past, he can start life anew with enough money to grant him endless power. He'll be akin to a god!

This is what he's always wanted... isn't it?

Then why does he feel so... dissatisfied?

Scaramouche is starving.

He keeps bleeding through all the tissues pressed against his side in a makeshift bandage. No one knows he's injured. Especially not you. He could never let you see how fragile his imperfect body can truly be.

But the bleeding just won't stop, and the suit hanging on the door of the bathroom stall seems to be dancing to and fro in his blurry vision.

He thinks of you, waiting for him at the dining table for your last meal together. If he pretends hard enough, it's almost like he's getting ready for a date with the girl he won't admit he's obsessed with.

So he rips his track suit to shreds, pulling out as much of the stitching as he can. He'd kept the needle from the dalgona challenge, just in case, but never thought he'd need to use it like this. He bites his lip til blood runs down his chin, salty streams stain his doll-like face as he stitches the gaping wound shut.

A short nap on the cold tiles should quell his fever. You'll understand if he's just a little late to his date.

Scaramouche is famished.

When he finally arrives at the dinner table, he sits across from you. He'd never seen you all dressed up before. He deeply inhales your soothing sight, he drowns himself in your beauty, allowing it to wash away the memory of all the blood that stained the bathroom floor.

He doesn't talk much. It's never been his thing, and you've never minded. Maybe you even liked it. Why else would you cling to his side for the entirety of the games?

Scaramouche is ravenous.

He devours the steak in front of him. You're a bit hesitant, and he knows it's because your stomach churns at the sight of it. It's a sick game, really, he'll admit that. Making you kill each other and then feeding you a huge slab of meat? He has to persuade you to eat.

"You need it for tomorrow. If you don’t eat, you'll feel even sicker."

It almost sounded like he cared about you.

Even after he's done, his appetite isn't soothed, so he just sits and watches you struggle with the meal, playing with the steak knife to occupy his hands.

He's not as grateful as he thought he'd be when the organisers announce that he'll be allowed to keep it.

That night, Scaramouche approaches your bed. The knife is in his pocket. He'll make quick work of you. It will save him the time and effort of playing another game tomorrow, and it truly is the kinder option. After all, you hate these games. Why not save you from it all. It won't hurt. You'll be dead before you even realise you're in pain. He truly has a kind and benevolent soul, taking pity on you like this.

It's the right thing. It's what you need, and more importantly, what he wants. It's right.

Then why can't he do it?

You're not asleep. You feel him over you, a menacing aura consuming you. And then somehow, vanishes just as quickly as it appeared. The bed dips.

"Scara?"

He doesn't respond.

You sit up, looking at him. There's hardly any light in the room, but if you look hard enough, you'd swear his eyes were glowing.

"Scara? Are you okay?"

"No one else knows the name Kunikuzushi. You should thank me."

"Maybe I should just go back to calling you the hat guy."

Right. He slides the knife under your bed, the clinking sound lost under the chuckle he lets out. He forgot you were a snide little shit.

That night, the two of you talk. You talk and talk and talk, about anything and everything. He has a beautiful voice, you realise, and he tells you everything. He doesn't mind. His past will die with you tonight after all.

You tell him everything, and Scaramouche decides that you're the most tragically beautiful character he's ever read of. He loves you.

That knight you and the hat guy, Scaramouche, Kunikuzushi, tangle your legs and desperately fuck each other, swallowing each other's moans and whimpers as he kisses you senseless.

At one point, you manage to choke out, "Are you gonna fuck me til I'm too tired to fight back and then kill me?"

"Maybe I should."

Somehow, you're not scared.

That night when you're fast asleep, Scaramouche sits on the edge of the bed, watching you.

He's no longer hungry.

He kisses you, whispers an "I love you" that will never reach your ears and then fishes the knife from under your bed.

He goes back to the bathroom. The blood is gone. No matter. There will be more soon.

ANON, OMG.... SENDING YOU ALL MY LOVE AAAAAA!!!! SQUID GAME!SCARA IS MY BELOVED AND I CHERISH HIM!!! THIS ASK HAS ME CLAWING AT THE WALLS AND BITING MY FIST WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

[macaronnya]

I never noticed this but the background is kinda........wonky. I've been around half-timbered houses (i think that's the name) for all my life so I knew something looked a bit off.

The wood beams(?) look like a mess. All of them but here some specific examples. They don't have to be all symmetrical but it is more typical, logical and prettier. The spacing is irregular and so is the thickness of them. Even factoring perspective and the usual imperfections, these are a bit toooo wonky to be intentional.

Here is a picture from the (german) wikipedia page about half-timbered houses to compare to. Obv there are different types of houses depending on a lot of factors but i chose the one most similiar to the ones in the drawing.

Some things don't even make sense bc what is that thin string on the window? A curtain? Outside? And the timbers have white stripes for some reason. Also, why is the roof next to it reflecting the sky or whatever is happening to have this blue space/line. The flowers and plants are so mushy and blurry you can barely distinguish any details.

I know it's just the background and people usually don't pay any attention to it but it's just so weird and noticable, for me at least. I don't wanna say they used....a....i....but how else is this possible? If you draw something, whether you like it or not, there is some amount of thought or vibe behind it. How was anyone OK with drawing this? Even amateurs wouldn't make such decisions. I'm not trying to bash prettybusy but with the rampant disease that is called "AI Art" and the growing disrespect against art(ist), I wanted to mention this somehow. If I'm wrong (I hope) and it's really just some poor overworked lad, then I feel bad for roasting the artwork so much 😭

[wysteria-clad]

The Space between us

paring: Jake Lockley x fem! reader; established relationship with the moon boys

a/n:

no plot, just vibes

wanted to write something angsty with papi, but not too much angst

genre: fluff but also bit angst

------

"I'm weak," he lies down on the bed, lying comfortably between your legs, resting his head on your tummy. He was tired. He was tired of being strong all the time. And wanting to put that shield down for a while, made him question his strength.

Why did you even love him anyway?

"Hey, wanting to rest is not weak," you stroke his hair, you feel him relax under your touch immediately.

He turns his head down, avoiding looking into your eyes.

"It's okay to want to live and not to be on survival mode all the time."

He avoids your intense gaze. You are right. But he didn't know how to live outside of the survival mindset. And that sent fear into his being.

"Baby, look at me," it wasn't a command, but your tone is firm, yet gentle enough to encourage him that meet your eyes. "You deserve to be happy too."

Before you came into the picture, he never realised he couldn't even fathom that he can live outside the protector role he assigned himself. But with you, he learned there is a better way to live, and not just simply exist. But he didn't want to voice his fear out loud, he was afraid of taking up space, to want things for himself, and not only do things for the sake of keeping the system safe.

"Just because you are strong enough to endure the pain doesn't mean you have to," you lift his head up gently making him meet your eyes.

How long was he waiting for someone to utter those words to him, especially by someone who genuinely cared about him? His vision becomes blurry with tears as blinks them away.

It was a simple truth, but hearing you say was everything to him.

The vulnerability he shows to you in that moment, makes your heart clench with love for this man.

He can rest for while, he can want gentleness and good things too. You loved him, all parts of him—the good, the bad and everything in between. He can experience and feel your love without guilt or pain gnawing at him.

"I love you," your lean down, your nose almost brushing his. You voice is soft. "It's my choice. I choose to love you," you stroke his cheek with your thumbs.

You didn't love him cause you took pity in him, like an unwanted, broken doll hidden and lost on a farthest shelf in a store. No, you choose to love him, you saw every broken lines in him and it didn't make you flinch.

Your confession sent a welcoming serenity to Jake's heart—it's quiet and puts his entire being into a warm and safe bubble of love.

He would always admire your patience, your gentleness with him. It was one of the things he loved about you. You provided him the safe space to be vulnerable, to be himself. He didn't put up a shield around you. He can just be himself and exist all in his beautiful, imperfect glory, and you loved him for it with your entire being.

Jake realised that even though he didn't know how to let his guard down, he had you. He doesn't have to do this alone. You are with him to show him how. And for now that was enough for him.

----

Taglist:

@twwcs @friendlyneighbourhood-parker @fayes-fics @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @devilish-mirage @syrma-sensei @gaymistakeboi @scarabgrant @mintpurplemnm @kittiesluvyou @luke-o-lophus @nana1000night @this-is-me1 @thatdummy-girl @vinsevena @hot-mess-express1 @hotbisexualmess @fandxmslxt69 @beaxtrice @ninebluehearts @moonknightwifey @i-still-dont-like-your-face @toracainz @damnzelsoul @bitchyglitterfox @21stcenturycirce

[sixosix]

Finally have a chance to throw my thoughts together! And boy do I have them!!

Just ahshshs- lyney you’re so smart and cunning but also pretty dense my guy. I’m so glad you have moral standards but the fact your first thought when thawed!reader wants to kiss you is that ‘oh she is just drunk, :(‘ as opposed to ‘Ah! I may actually have a slight chance’ says something. I know you’re basing your thoughts on imperfect information and past experiences but please- I’m begging you- I know you have a big brain please use it-

But honestly, my heart goes out to him. In his half of the pov his pinning is so clear to see. I’m willing to bet money that Lyney would just happily accept the fact that he can interact with t!reader on some sort of positive level again, no matter if he is just a friend forever because she’s back! She’s real again, not just rose-tinted memories and this silent secret between the twins and Freminet. He is going through these extra and at times inconvenient steps just to keep her safe, even going against his own desires (letting Childe keep an eye on her while he goes to father) and even against his own loyalties to an extent ( i mean, the sensible loyal fauti thing to do would be to immediately report that the previously awol/MIA solider was found, wouldn’t it? )

ALSO THE ‘MON LAPIN’ NICKNAME!?! So many thoughts AND feelings on that!! *insert the cork board meme*

It fits so well!! I looked up some rabbit information just to see and rabbits are so skittish! I checked it out and so many things can set them off- bad experiences, new lotion smell, smelling like a different animal like a cat!! Like they not recommended to be children pets cause you gotta be gentle. But they’re so active! Not to mention herbivores!! Lyney may not know the truth but I’m sure he knows where his gift was delivered too! Thawed reader is a rabbit confirmed.

Looking outside of lyney and t!reader’s interactions though, it’s always so interesting to see t!reader’s other interactions. The obvious joy she has when she realizes Lynette showed up, and Lynette’s instant care in asking if t!reader has anywhere safe to go to. The tense somewhat friendship forming between aether and her, where a slight misstep could mean destruction of her life but there’s enough going on for minor banter and to try and help recover from a hangover (the water, and my current guess is that is the reason why her drink is different at the end) and now the beginnings of co-conspirators between Childe and her; the former laughing and seems to be almost excited while the latter is even more tense and nervous because it’s about to get a whole lot more complicated

ALSO CHILDE! SMART MAN, SO GLAD YOU’RE IN THE KNOW! Welcome to the peanut gallery of lyney and t!reader’s relationship! Hope you enjoy the show! But now that childe is officially an active player in the story, it’s making me think about the current time line and how different it’s gonna go from the canon game. As of right now, the only confirmed event from the Fontaine archon/various other quests is Lyney and Lynette’s trial since Childe has yet to be accused of anything (so we can assume that the missing people case is still ongoing) and aether is specifically doing this to see if he can trust the twins (something you can argue about him realizing via/during Lyney’s story quest). Especially know with the knaves early arrival to push things along

I should stop myself at this point so imma just leave off with the fact Lyney is starting to feel something as wrong when faced with Childe at the party AND the fact that t!reader remembering a fair bit of what happened, but the key point being that’s it’s very blurry has me kicking and freaking out. It’s gonna get much more messy real soon.

-deadman aether anon

HI DEADMAN AETHER ANON!!! its so wonderful to have you back AND ITS SO WONDERFUL TO ME TO SEE THIS ASK I AAS LIKE WHOAAA HELL YEA

i didnt really think too much about the bunny nickname even i was so shocked by that info!! i just heard from my friend that its one of the common french nicknames—and i thought it fit because of lyneys whole magician thing,,, like magicians and rabbits…. BUT THATS SO COOL!!!! makes the nickname so deeper than whatbi initially thought 🙏🙏

AND YEAAHHH its definitely overwhelming for our mc to be exposed so suddenly to so many people who seem to be willing to be friends w her! its been rosalie and its only been Father before 😢

the canon game event is gonna be veeeerrryyy detached from the game bc im going to be ignoring it for the sake of not copying it and just inserting MC in. if i did that, THAWED woukd just be a longer version of my other fic, Sleight of Hand HAHAHA. either way, since im writing this before arlecchino’s official release, i think i might end up mischaracterizing her…..so im a bit nervous about that. i think in THAWED shes definitely going to be a bit more evil than what she might be in-game

[shionu27cosplay]

Before and After, Cosplay Editing Tips. (Klee)

Since people seemed to have found my Dawn editing tips useful. I wanted to make another post sharing more tips! This was all edited once again on my phone so there is a bit of lack of quality imo, but the results made me happy enough to pos them.

This was all edited using the Meitu application.

Editing Steps

🍀 Remove acne and any bigger blemishes, I also used the "firm" tool to remove my smile lines and under bag lines.

🍀 Next I used the "acne" tool again to remove my ear piecing, and to start to remove the hard line of my nature ear.

🍀 Then I used (very little) the "smooth" tool to blend in my ear colour to the fake one's. Finally I used the "slim" tool to reshape the shadows on the ear. The key is to zoom in super close and used the "restore" any time the lines start to bend.

🍀 I used the "skin" tool on "cream" to even out my skin. I upped the concealer level a tiny bit more, because my skin is very uneven.

🍀 My face looked pale so I added blush, using the "makeup" tool. (I used the "first love" filter)

🍀 I did not like how my jawline looked, just due to the angle of the photo. So I used the "contour" tool; then very faintly using a neutral brown, I added a tiny bit of shadowing to my neck and jawline.

🍀 Finally, I thought the hat on my head looked a bit small, so I used the "slim" tool again to make the edges slightly bigger. This was easier todo because the photos background is blurry. Always keep in mind the edges and straight line details that might be in photos. If they end up getting bent then it could make the image look weird.

I wrote this in my last post, but I'm also going to write it again here... Most cosplayers edit their photos. To me it's part of the hobby and creative process. Cosplay for me is a stress reliver, fun, and a confidence booster. I edit my skin because my 15+ years of skin issues make me fill insecure. So having the opportunity to edit beautiful photos and have my skin look the way I want it to, is just a step in the creative process for me.

Many cosplayers edit their photos to add extra colour, fix imperfections, or even add more fantasy elements. This shouldn't be judged or criticized, in my opinion. The limits are endless!

I post these tips to help beginners cosplays, because when I first started out there was no tips for cosplay edits specifically. Hints to way I really only share my phone only edits. Because most people have access to a phone, and can step up their photos with some simple edits! 💪😊

[inkdemon-whore]

What if Favorite is the favorite because she was made. in relation to Henry? Like, either based on him, on Bendy's feeling about Henry, or Bendy made her with Henry in mind/for him, instead of Joey?

It's like 2 at night, but

...

Bendy getting just, so, fucking fed up, wondering why the hell he's even trying this hard when the only thing he wants to do is leave, but by this point it's just habit.

He pulls ink from his chest, shapes it, is imidiatly pissed with how it turns out, and eats it to reincorporate it and start over. He does this several times, before pacing around like an animal. For a moment he thinks of taking it out on someone, mostly just Henry. It's "his fault" after all. He's the one that left. He's the reason Joey is using him like this. But then again, does it even matter if it's not the real Henry?

... The real Henry...

He sits on his throne, twiddling his thumbs... He wasn't always in here... He was outside of this damned machine once... Not for long, but for long enough to realise what his body was made of, and that it could feel things from miles away.

Every dip of the pen, every stroke on a page. It was always so loud. So itchy. It burned sometimes, and he couldn't explain why. The only time it never felt like that was at night, but even then, at least one person would stay, working late into the night.

This ink, made to be easily molded and manipulated. Made to stretch under the lens of a seeing tool, felt the cold nib of a pen dip into it, and so slowly and meaningfully be drawn upon a page. No pull. No tug. No seeing tool. Just meaningful, deliberate strokes of someone, perhaps a bit too focused on his craft.

Or was he ever focused? Was he lost? The ink, feeling the pen, the vibrations of the man's hand as he readjusted or turned the page.

All the while he was chained up, tormented, forced to smile, and shocked when he failed to comply.

Those quiet, lonely nights. Stuck in a cold cage, while he can hear the scratching of an old pen to paper, or papers being flipped up and down, simply hearing the process of one rather than the cacophony of many... Was soothing...

He look to his hands, and for a moment, thought of that man... He can't recall if he'd ever truly met him, or if he made it up... Or if this world messed with his head. Some, hopeless dream, of finally being seen, of being... That man... Why did he work so late at night?... Why did he so stubbornly avoid using this wretched ink the way it was intended, with its tools that pull and itch? Why where their nights where he seemed so aggressive in his creation at first, only to calm and sooth as the night dragged on?

Why... Why can he still feel it in his ink? Like it was only yesterday? Why can he still, so faintly see his blurry face though the inks eyes? Why can he still hear him, gently humming to himself, pleased with his work? Talking to himself. "Just a little more, Henry. Just a little more." Hearing his fingers pop, his neck crack, he sounded so tiered...

His hands clench into fist, and with a deep breath, he reach inside himself. Digging around, taking calming breaths, and pulls out a small piece of himself. No bigger than a human eye. For a moment he worries and wonders if he should dig again, hesitating as he looks to the ink, seeing himself faintly reflected into it. He's hideous, but... If he could make something as beautiful as that man, then, perhaps. He can also find the strange calm in creation. He could take relaxed, deliberate strokes. He could see the beauty in the imperfections, just for a moment... For a moment... For a moment....

...

OOPS~!! I wrote a fanfic blurb you're welcome, I need to go to bed niniiiiiii~!!!!

[frostedclock]

Shadows Under the Peach Tree

Chapter 3: Dreams and Creeps

-------

A garden, gorgeous and lush. Everything was green and perfect. Not a single petal out of place nor a leaf. One would say it was heavenly. A massive peach tree stood in the center of it all, blossoms blooming and would be for the next hundred years till it bared fruit. Ladies dressed in jade green robes with gold adorning their body and hair, most looked so similar to the other that it seemed like they were part of the garden as well. A delicate flower with no petal out of place.

Boredom. That's what emotion fills you as you look on to this scene, no real control over your body. And barely any thoughts of your own. It was happening again. The dream.

You, or at least the person you were looking through the eyes of, did what you did every night. You walked across the soft grass beneath your bare feet all the way to the trunk of the peach tree. You could hear the whispers between the other women around you. Jade eyes on you, cold and judging. Stern. Like the eyes of....

Always the same.

That's the thought that overwhelmed your mind, sinking it's claws into you. It made you irritated. You just wished for some excitement. You wanted to leave these gardens and beyond the palace walls that held you and your sisters -that felt right - within, no one but the occasional stuffy guard to talk with besides themselves. Your hands clench and unclench the fabric beneath your fingers. The fabric too soft, to silky. It wrinkles beneath your fingers.

Something different.

Whispers always the whispers. But the words feel different. Your eyes shift up to your sisters. Pale faces hidden behind hands and tilted to one another's ears. You shift your eyes up to the tree when you realize that you were not the one being stared at today. A tail waved and poked through a thick cluster of leaves. A single leaf falling and landing right on your lap. It was halfway crumpled and and a cut in it. Imperfection. A different sight then you had seen before here.

Your eyes shoot back to the tail as it disappears, a single blossom falling from the sudden movement. It fell in front of you, your hand reaches out and cups it softly. Your ears hear a loud thud of weight landing in front of you. Your eyes drift up from the black and gold inlaid shoes.

"I've never seen anyone like you before..." You spoke up, eyes fixated on this being in front of you.

Gold eyes.

You wake up clutching at your pendent. Your breaths are shallow and you blink the blurriness from your eyesight. The sun hadn't come up yet, so you assumed that it around four in the morning. You slowly sit up and look at the peach pit with a few bite left around the pit. You sigh, rubbing your eyes.

" Fuck.... " You mutter to yourself, swinging your feet out of the bed. " Might as well get up..."

You stretch and get up. You were still dressed from the previous day, and you had no desire to change, at least not yet. You brush your hair out, pulling it back in a low hanging ponytail before slipping on your boots. You had to clear your head. You couldn't remember most of your dream but it was making you feel... Restless.

Like you wanted to get out of this small house.

So you did. You slid on your extra thick jacket and stepped out. The cold pre-dawn air bit at your nose but you looked out the cliff side your home was built on and towards the horizon. You could see the morning trying to peak through. You might have an hour before dawn you decide. You hum as you walk over towards the cliffside and to one of the oldest peach trees you had.

You rub your fingers over the monkey pendent on your necklace, your eyes watching the sun breaking up the morning clouds, sparking the world from blues and blacks to wonderious colors of orange, pink, and reds. You kept trying to recall your dream, but to you it was like catching smoke with your bare hands. At least it was different. Maybe that's why it was so stuck in your head today.

Golden eyes instead of Jade.

Warm.

Curious.

You still felt anxious but that was different too. It was like the anxiety you had before you went on your first rollercoaster or when your parents had taken you to the arcade for the first time. You take in a deep breath and release your pendent as the warm days of sun hit your face.

You better start your day. Pigsy's Noodles would be the best place to begin, you need to quit forgetting to take the pig-man your leftover stock. Otherwise they will just rot before you can get them eaten. You turn on your heel and walk back inside your home. Your hands go to the basket, gripping the handle a little tightly.

You take the basket with you into the morning air, quiet and still was the world, a handful of cars on the road. Only soft chirping and the breeze could really be heard. It was nice to be in the bustling city when it was like this, like you could feel the whole town relaxed and sleeping. A calm before a storm of people rushing to work and to their lives.

Pigsy's Noodles neon sign was a bright beacon amung the still closed shops. That was one thing you had always loved about Pigsy, he always opened his shop without fail and it was always right at dawn - much to MK's dispare but delivery didn't start until nine in the morning so you never saw why he complained. You push open the door, a smile on your lips as the fresh scent of simmering broth and cooking meat filled your nose.

"Tang, what have I told you - oh Y/N, sorry thought you were my other customer. The one who never pays." He grunted, a puff of air escaping his snout. Then he cracked a smile. " You are here early, what is it market day already? I thought that was a few days from now. "

" Oh yeah, it is. But I had leftovers from last week. " You then made a nervous laugh as you set the basket down on his counter. " I just forgot to stop by. Well... I HAD planned on coming yesterday and watch the race and give these to you ... But well you know... Monkey King kinda -"

" Took ya off to watch the race with him yeah? What's up with that guy lately. " He grunted as he stirred noodles into a pot of boiling water to par cook for the day. " He even showed up this morning, telling MK he had to get up and had to go with him. " Pigsy obviously upset dumped a few vegetables into the broth pot, not to kindly. Hot broth splashed out with every toss. " Kid was barely awake and I have no delivery boy!"

You smile, you knew Pigsy was just worried about MK, not so much on the deliveries... MK barely did those to begin with. " I'm sure it's just some monkey training stuff. MK will be back in no time. " You sit down at the counter in one of the barstools. " I can help around the shop today if you want. "

Pigsy gave you a smile, his eyes softening. " No, it's okay. But you can always hang around the shop and keep me company. Without the kid around it gets... Quiet around here."

You chuckle gently and nod. " Sure Pigsy, at least for a while. "

It was mid-afternoon when MK came back, absolutely covered in dirt and bruises. You watch him collapse right as he came in the door. You stood up to go to his side and he didn't even look up from the floor as he put a hand feebly up, stopping you.

"Mm mmkmm" he mumbled into the floor.

" What? MK... I'm not inside the floor. I can't hear you."

He turned his head away from the floor just enough to talk. " I'm okay... Just.. give me a second."

Pigsy sighed. " MK get off the floor. If your tired your bed is literally upstairs...Customers are going to step on you like your some fancy doormat." He didn't have an angry tone though.

MK crawled to the hardest next to you, pushing up with shaking arms till he made himself get into the seat. " No no... I just need some super special noodles and I'll be, " he yawned. " Golden. "

" Sure, Mk... " You chuckle and pat his back gently.

He stretched out on the counter. " Monkey King said he wanted me back to Flower Fruit Mountain tomorrow for a week of extra special training now that I've gotten a hang of making clones... Sorta." He laughed gently, looking up as Pigsy set two bowls of steaming noodles soaked in broth.

You swore you could hear MK's stomach from here. It made you smile as he started to scarf down his bowl of noodles. " Slow down kid, your gonna choke. "

MK mumbles something through his bites but you had no clue what he said. So you just smiled and nodded. Pigsy cleaned up a nearby table and made a small sigh as Mei came storming in, tracking in more of the dirt MK had left behind on the ground.

"MK! MK! Guess who I met outside?" Mei said, shaking MK quickly.

You glance back at the door as Mei and MK start talking excitedly, their voices becoming more like buzzing noise in their excitement over whoever Mei brought. You raise an eyebrow at a well dressed man with wierd white eyes.

Kinda creepy...

You stand up, your skin felt like it was crawling the longer you. You set a few bucks on the counter and give a look to Pigsy. " Hey um since MK is back, I'm gonna hit the road."

"Oh alright, Y/N. Don't be a stranger now." He gave a half smile then shot a look at Mei and MK. " Settle it down! "

You walk past the man in the suit, it felt like his white eyes never blinked and his smile twitched as you passed by. You shiver, goosebumps raise to your flesh and they don't go away until your more then three blocks away from the shop. You didn't know why but you knew you had to get out of there. You shake your head, it was silly of you. He just gave you the creeps. Should you have left the others alone with that guy?

Your feet keep carrying you away from that creepy feeling that had clawed st you. What was with that guy? What had Mei said, you racked your brain to remember anything that excitable dragon girl had said in her massive speal to MK. What had she called him? The Mayor? You had a feeling he really wasn't the mayor but then again, you have never seen the mayor before. Maybe he just gave you the creeps like all politicians kinda do.

Yeah.

You made your way down the street and paused at an intersection. Then why did you book it as soon as you felt his presence in the restaurant? Your hand touches your pendent. Something inside you said that guy was bad news. Maybe even the worst kind of news.

Yeah.

You slowly turn back to the direction of the restaurant. You thought of MK and the others as you slowly start walking back. Your feet pick back up the pace and you slam open the door,. Just as their was a puff of smoke and MK and Mei were standing near a podium. First off.. where had that come from and second... What the fuck was in their hands? Well that is an ominous looking key.

" Hey um... What did I miss?" You manage to say, eyes on the skull key.

Pigsy looked over. " Oh did you forget something?"

You smile and rub the back of your neck. " Oh you know, I meant to grab some grub to go?" You make the excuse up.

MK came running over, now suddenly full of energy. " Look this cool evil key the mayor gave me! "

He shoved it near your face and waggled it. It made your skin crawl. But you gave a half smile and take a step back. " Oh um... Nice? " You glance at Pigsy who just gave a shrug as he got a to-go bowl of noodles.

" But are... We sure sure that was the mayor?" You ask as you look between the MK and Mei. Both of them just gave you a shrug. Yeah that made you feel better. Totally.

[idlingworship]

i am not afraid of storms, for i am learning how to sail my ship.

432 words on jihye's thoughts about the antifragile album.

the hydra: starting off very strong, it's a challenge from the very first line. 'do you think i'm fragile?', jihye's credited as the sole producer & lyricist on the track. in line with the theme of the album, 'antifragile', she borrows the title from the greek myth of the lernaean hydra. for every head cut off, the hydra'll grow two more heads in its place. a very direct message to those trying to cut them down for the feminist message of 'tomboy', it's a bold declaration that future/femme are here to stay.

antifragile: their title track! for their first-ever comeback, jihye wanted to cement their voice and message and let everyone know f/f are the ones to watch. with partial production credits, it's a thrilling, upbeat earworm instrumental that sticks around in your head even if you just pass by a store playing it. the lyrics, which jihye co-wrote, are also unabashedly confident, with lines like 'i'll climb higher' showing her greed for success. even if they've been hurt in the past, it's only strengthened them.

impurities: and look, they're not perfect. they've never claimed to be- even if jihye'd like everyone in the world to think otherwise. she co-wrote this one, and for the bridge, possibly one of her favourite lyrics she's ever written, are the lines 'power stronger in adversity / i'm not afraid of the overwhelming shadow / i'll have it all, what i desire / just because it's what i am.' she's the most honest when she makes her art, and this is very much who huh jihye is.

no celestial: very, very special song to her! it's the first full song she's released that's ever been totally hers, in term of both production and lyrics. a little bit contradictory to her actual self/image, the song talks about being imperfect and embracing that, using celestial imagery. cutting off your wings, and falling down to earth with no fear, jihye personally thinks it's the song that describes f/f's the best. whenever asked what her favourite track is, it's this! no competition.

good parts: easy listening, with very straightforward lyrics. jihye's a cowriter, and one of the lines she wrote, 'everything's so blurry, but i hope it's polaroid' is a callback to one of their previous songs off i never die. self-love is easy to write about for her, because jihye loooooves herself, even the less-than-ideal parts. is it a good or bad thing if she's aware that she's not a good person all the time but chooses to keep those bad traits? who knows. she'll love herself regardless.

[prilovity]

Phew

What a ride it has been. Crazy highs and rock bottom lows. I’m stuck in between where there is no energy. The eye of the storm - fake security. But it gives me time to breathe. To reflect. To regret. 

I don’t even know where to start. My perspective on life has changed significantly. For better? I cannot say. Irreversible? For sure. Is it over yet? I really hope and fear so at the same time.

It’s like my mirror shattered and behind it there’s a new one, that was covered. And now I see for real where my flaws, where my annoyances, where my wounds are. It’s not as shiny and not as stable. It has cracks here and there and the glass is blurry. I try to recognize myself, but I’m ugly, tired, and a shadow of myself. I take the shards as if to glue them back. My old me looks at me with pity and contempt, am I now the incarnation of nothing I ever was. A worse me.

I motivate myself by affirmation, some things need to break to heal, but in the end, I don’t believe myself.

I’ve been in those emotional states before, but without power. Now I have too much at hand and don’t know what to do with this rifle of emotional load, mean thoughts, and destructive energy.

What do I have to prove? Where is all this ballast from? And how do I get rid of it for good?

When I was younger, I didn’t speak, I swalloed everything and lied to myself, by convincing myself I knew all the answers. By being the fucking samariter. Not gossiping, smiling, and giving without wanting anything in return. But inside I was so detached until I decided to write, insult, and destroy. And I made other like-wise decisions just now. I decide to be mean, to feel empowered. I decide to hurt to see my worth. I let myself be provoked and accuse others for my emotional state. I’m self-centered. What kept me in balance these last years?

I thought I had life figured out. I had all the answers. And now? I have nothing but unresolved questions, efforts, circles of thoughts, path endings, doubts, and despair of ever finding back or anything comparable.

How though? Was I really out of love? Have I decided wrong? Did I convince myself again? Was I blinded by hormones, love, or past emptiness?

My values are:

- honesty

- fairness

- warmth

- tenderness

- humor

What exactly does this translate to?

Honesty - I want to will talk about my emotions, thoughts, behavior. I want to will tell when I’m not okay, when I don’t feel like going. I want to will speak up to my friends, make myself visible with my flaws and imperfections. I will have difficult conversations and share my doubts.

Fairness - Once I’m honest with me and my life, others have the chance to see me as I am, turn away or stay. Just as I don’t want to be fooled, I won’t fool anybody about my intentions, thoughts, and motivations.

Warmth - I will give my heart to the world (we live in a beautiful world), I will love others (show them their worth), I will love myself (’cause I’m pretty awesome), and I will care and show up.

Tenderness - I will be gentle with people around me. I know life can be hard, and I won’t be adding to that stress. I am tender and will make the world a better place.

Humor - This world is absurd. I will remind everyone how absurd. And I will create laughter and ease. Life is hard enough. I will be remembered by making it a bit lighter.

[rolliwo]

Movavi photo focus review

#Movavi photo focus review how to#

#Movavi photo focus review for mac#

#Movavi photo focus review full#

#Movavi photo focus review windows#

When you have opened the image on the Movavi Photo editor, go ahead and click on the ‘Adjust’ tab in the upper panel of Movavi Photo Editor’s interface. If you’ve already downloaded the editor you should launch it and open the image that you want to fix by either clicking on the ‘Browse for Images’ button or dragging and dropping the image file into the main working area.

#Movavi photo focus review how to#

Learning how to fix blurry pictures using Movavi Photo Editor is a lot easier than you might think – as you’ll see right here and right now. Steps To Fix Blurry Images Using Movavi Photo Editor If you’re interested in trying to fix one (or more) of your blurry images, you should see how Movavi Photo Editor can help you to do just that. Regardless of why your images are blurry before you discard them you should know that in many cases it is possible to fix them with a bit of editing. There are a lot of reasons why this could happen, and poor lighting, motion, or focus issues are normally the likely culprits. Also, please, let us know if you have faced any issues.It can be completely frustrating when you line up the perfect shot only to find out later that the subject looks blurry and lacking in definition. Have you used this photo editor? If yes, please share your experiences with us. With its extensive features and intuitive approach, it won’t take you long to start editing your photos and making sure that they look great.

#Movavi photo focus review for mac#

Insert text and customize its appearance to create unique captions, titles or watermarks.īased on that it should be clear that Movavi Photo Editor for Mac contains everything you could want from an image editor for Mac.

Touch up portraits by applying digital makeup such as lip tints, mascara, or eye shadow while removing blemishes, whitening teeth, and much more.

Delete the background from a photo completely to create a transparency or replace it with a new image.

Remove any people, objects or other elements from the composition of your photos and ensure no traces or imperfections remain.

Transform the frame and orientation by flipping, leveling, rotating, resizing or cropping it.

Apply an array of different filters to transform the visual style of your photos.

Fix common issues with photos such as blurry or pixelated images.

Enhance the quality of images by manually adjusting the color settings or using the automated “Magic Enhance” feature.

When it comes right down to it the features in Movavi Photo Editor for Mac are nothing less than extensive, and will let you:

#Movavi photo focus review full#

If anything, you will actually be able to achieve more with its features, as you will be able to use the full scope of what they provide. While it may focus on being accessible, Movavi Photo Editor for Mac does not let that detract from its core function as a photo editor.

#Movavi photo focus review windows#

Similarly the features in Movavi Photo Editor for Mac themselves can be applied with little or no hassle, and often require familiar actions such as dragging and dropping, adjusting sliders, pulling on windows to resize them, and so on. All of its features are neatly organized into tabs and so users can find what they need by simply selecting the type of editing they wish to perform. In part Movavi is able to achieve this due to its clean and simple user interface. By adopting a more intuitive approach, it can be used by even those with little or no experience in photography or editing photos. Unlike other photo editors that tend to be designed for professionals who have considerable amounts of experience Movavi Photo Editor for Mac focuses on being much more accessible. Although you may have heard about how complicated editing photos can be OR even had some bad experiences of your own with various photo editors – you may rest assured that it will be different with Movavi Photo Editor for Mac. That is why if you want to make sure your photos look their best – it is important to be able to edit them. Due to the numerous factors that can affect how a photo turns out, it is difficult to ensure that everything is perfect – particularly when shooting outside of a studio setting. Most photos could do with a few tweaks or improvements after they are shot, no matter how much care was taken when capturing them.

[lubdubsworld]

⋆⋆✵ Perfect Imperfections ✵⋆⋆

Chapter 1

Genre : Arranged Marriage AU! Angst! Explicit Sexual Content.

Rating : 21+

Warnings : Ableism , Chronic disability. OC has limited use of her left leg, Emotional infidelity? Mild Cheating ( nothing very physical.. a kiss or so )

Summary : Marrying Jungkook is a mistake. Falling in love with him? Definitely the worst exercise in masochism .

~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 2

No one tells you how easy it is to imagine yourself in love with a beautiful man. Especially when you don’t have a clear understanding of what love actually is. 

When I met Jungkook, even knowing he was in love with my sister hadn’t done much to douse the flames of hope and attraction. He was a lot of things that other men in my life weren’t. Kind without being pitying. Concerned without being overbearing. He took care of me without making me feel helpless. And there was always such a thin line between these things that I found myself impressed by his ability to toe the line so well.

Jungkook took care of me without making me feel like a burden and I suppose, some part of me had assumed that this could, in due time turn into love. But I was clearly wrong.

Jungkook and Liza had been kissing in the hallway of their hotel room and someone had taken pictures. My father and his had managed to get them taken down but the news was already out, spreading like wildfire . My phone began ringing sometime around eight in the morning and hadn’t stopped. It was now a little past one in the afternoon and I felt queasy, despite the assurances that it was all being taken care of.

It was the pity in everyone’s face that I couldn’t bear.

I wasn’t hurt. Angry, yes? Upset? Of course. But I wasn’t hurt because there really was nothing to be hurt about. Jungkook didn’t love me. He was in love with my sister . He had made it clear, through his words and his actions, over and over again. At this point, I could see this debacle as nothing more than a possible way to get out of the marriage. Perhaps, my father would approve of a divorce?

I glanced at the article again.

The photo is just so annoyingly clear, I thought with a grimace. If it was a little blurry, I could convince myself it wasn’t him and her. But it was clear. That was my husband with his lips locked with my sister’s. Against my better judgment, I read the article again. It was a gossip column, of course there would be nothing good in there. But sometimes curiosity can be a persistent thing.

I felt my skin crawling as I realized that the phrases were all pretty true. There was no gossip here. Just plain facts.

And then my eyes reached the end of the article.

Of note is the fact that Jeon Jungkook’s wife is disabled and perhaps the virile young man is merely looking for pleasure he can’t find in his own marital bed.

I swallowed, quickly exiting the page and tossing the phone on the bed, away from me. I stared out of the window of our bedroom, the large doors left open to let air and sunlight in. There was a tall sycamore tree right outside out bedroom and the branches almost reached in and I stared at the rustling leaves, trying to scrub my mind clean of the words I’d just read.

But it was impossible.

It wasn’t something I hadn’t thought of. The stark difference between me and Jungkook, physically. He spent five days a week in the gym and they were right. He was a young man with healthy sexual appetites.

I’d never cheat on you. Jungkook’s voice from a week ago still echoed somewhere inside my skull.

I sighed, playing with my wedding ring.

I wasn’t a virgin when I married Jungkook. Hadn’t been one , when I got into the accident either. My then boyfriend, a tall strapping lit major had been a very sexual guy as well and our libidos had matched pretty well. But I’d been an athletic nineteen year old, able to bend like a pretzel at his whim and there was just endless time and endless stamina and just a whole lot of attraction . We had spent hours, exploring each other the way college kids do. Weekends in bed spent trying every possible permutation of sex positions and kinks and I’d discovered all the things I liked. All the things I didn’t.

But then the accident had happened and well, when you’re in crippling agony, sometimes sex takes the backseat. I’d been focused on my recovery, on making sure that I came out of this at least with the ability to walk and I’d succeeded. Burying the part of me that craved a man’s touch, it wasn’t easy but it was necessary.

And then Jungkook had happened.

Sex with Jungkook hadn’t been difficult. Not really. I wasn’t completely crippled after all but it was also nowhere near as exciting as it could be with someone who had full use of her legs. I knew that. It was kind of obvious. But I hadn’t dwelt too much on it because to be honest, Jungkook hadn’t looked like he’d minded. He had seemed to enjoy himself .

But then reading about how he probably hadn’t enjoyed it definitely stung.

Worse yet, probably half the country was reading it with me. I felt nauseous. Did no one think that they should have left the last part out of that article? It was terrible enough without adding that bit about me.

A faint buzzing made me turn to the bed.

I glanced at my phone as it rang, my father in law’s name prominent on the screen.

Showtime, I thought with a grimace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I suppose it was too much to hope for , expecting that boy  to keep his dignity. This is outrageous.” Mr. Jeon’s loud voice rang through the foyer of the house and I flinched, gripping the edge of the futon as Sana jumped a bit . She sat next to me, holding my hand carefully. Moral support I supposed but I was feeling entirely too blasé about the whole thing. None of this was unexpected, I thought miserably and I wasn’t feeling up to pretending otherwise.

“I still wish they’d talked to me about this.”

My brother in law’s voice broke me out of my thoughts. The man looked like he’d been dragged through hell and back and I felt a pang of genuine sympathy. He looked wrecked and it was obvious she was in love with my sister. Resentment coiled thick and deep inside me. Resentment and envy.

With no effort at all she had charmed both the Jeon brothers, I thought bitterly.

Jeon Jihyun looked absolutely stricken at the thought of losing his wife.  

“I’ve asked Lisa to take the first flight out. She called me this morning, hysterical. It was something done in the heat of the moment. She .. She’s very apologetic. I believe her and I’m willing to forgive her. We’re…. We’re thinking of starting a family together. ” He said softly and my stomach turned.

I felt my skin go ice cold as I wrapped my arms around myself. Shivering just a bit, I lightly squeezed Sana’s hand. She looked at me in askance and I had to swallow to get my voice out, throat dry. The words made me want to retch. I could imagine how Jungkook would take this news.

“Can you get me my shawl? It’s in the green room.” I said hoarsely.  She bowed before moving away from me and when I looked back up, Jihyun’s gaze caught mine.

“This must be hard on you.” He said softly and I flushed, staring down at my knees.

“Not like I can run from it. Literally or figuratively.” I smiled without mirth.

“Jungkook is …he’s just confused. He needs some time to sort himself out. I’ve asked him to take a break and come back to Seoul after a couple of weeks. The separation would do him some good.” Jihyun said quietly and I sighed before nodding. What else was I supposed to say to that anyway? There wasn’t much I could do, my influence on things almost nonexistent at this point.

“Are you going to give the boy a break, Jeon?” My father demanded, staring at Jungkook’s father who sighed.

“Yes. I’ve been trying to get these damned reporters off our back. They’re all over the place. And yes, I think Jungkook should stay in Japan for a while.  We’re starting a new distribution branch there and I wanted him to scout places and possible vendors. I’ll tell him to hash out all the details before coming back.”

His phone rang again and he excused himself . I watched him leave the room, trying to make sense of his words.

How long would it take to build a whole branch in Japan? I had no clue. But it could hardly be done in a few weeks, could it?

“That’s.. That’s a long time.” I said hesitantly and my father frowned.

“is that a problem?” he asked.

I sighed. There was no point keeping this to myself. I was supposed to go to the doctor’s tomorrow. And well, it would be better if they heard it from me first.

“I.. I’m pregnant.” I said quietly.

The silence that followed was deafening. I stared at the carpet, not able to bring myself to look up at them. I could guess, what I’d find there. It was what I always found in people’s faces.

“Oh, sweet child.” My father’s sigh made me look up and there it was. The pity. I felt sick to my stomach. Sana returned, settling the hand knit shawl over my shoulders and I wrapped it tight, before glancing at her in some desperation. She smiled reassuringly, settling next to me and gently taking my fingers in hers. The warmth grounded me for a second and when Jihyun growled, I stared at him.

“I… I didn’t know. Fuck, I’m going to kill Jungkook. This fucker…” Jihyung swore and my father sighed, clearly thinking hard.

“you can’t be staying alone now.” He said softly, sitting up and cracking his knuckles, and I swallowed. I wouldn’t bear it if they tried to take me back home. I had hated it there.

“ You must come back home with me.” He said softly but I quickly shook my head.

“ No.. No I won’t. I … Please.” I begged, the mere idea of going back to my childhood home a nightmare. My mother would kill me with just her sharp and vindictive words. I was in no shape to put up with her verbal and emotional abuse. It was one of the things that had made me agree to marry Jungkook in the first place.

“Well, you can’t stay here by yourself.” My father protested. I’ve been by myself my whole damn life, I wanted to scream.

“I’ll be fine. I have Sana and the others to help me.” I said tiredly. My father shook his head before turning to Jihyun again.

“Is Namjoon still working on his book?” My father asked him and Jihyun frowned. The name elicited a tug in my memory and I turned to stare at my father, confused.

“You remember him? He used to tutor you when you were hi High School.”

I had a brief flashback to dimples and almond shaped eyes. I remembered him vaguely. Very vaguely. But nowhere well enough to want him to live with me, alone or not.  

“Dad…” I protested but he held a hand up to silence me, nodding at Jihyun .

“Namjoon? Kim Namjoon? ” He shook his head. “ I’m not sure. Why?”

“I think it would be good if he moves in here. His father was telling me that he was looking for a place to stay, now that he’s moved back to Korea. ” My father said softly, staring at me and I stiffened.

“Father…” I began desperately and my father shook his head.

“Don’t argue. He was a dear friend of yours. I don’t think you should be alone at a time like this. And I think Jungkook would approve. Like Jihyun said, the kid needs some space to sort himself out. Let him finish whatever business is going on in Japan.” My father glanced at Mr. Jeon who looked at me with guilt.

“I owe you an apology , on behalf of my idiot son.”

I looked away, not sure what to say to that. I hated the man quite passionately. Jungkook wasn’t perfect… far from it. But this man had taken a sledgehammer to my husband’s mind and heart at every turn. The disdain, the condescension, the sick way he favored his brother over him, the way nothing Jungkook did was ever good enough. It had all taken a toll on my husband. I had watched it chip away at Jungkook’s self confidence, at his mental health.

“I think more than anything, you owe an apology to your son. You knew he was in love with Lisa and yet…. You forced him to marry me.” I said quietly and the room went eerily quiet. My father rounded on me , eyes blazing.

“Leah!!! Apologize, now!” He roared and I looked away.

“You’re all the same. Ungrateful and entitled.” Mr. Jeon said sharply, before turning to his son. “ I’m leaving Jihyun-ah. Tell me when that wife of yours get home. I want to talk to her.”

He shared a half hug with my father before stalking off and my father grabbed his jacket as well.

“I’ll leave as well. Your mother is being quite hysterical. Apparently, all her friends are hounding her about the article.” He sighed and I nodded , watching him shrug on the jacket before nodding at Jihyun and then following his friend out to the front doors.

Jihyun stayed standing , watching my father’s form disappear through the door before turning to me.

“ Are you alright?” He said quietly, moving to kneel in front of me. Sana stood up, bowing before leaving and I watched her disappear into the hallway leading to the kitchens. Jihyun’s fingers wrapped around mine, brushing my knees and I stared down at him.

“The question is, are you alright?” I brushed the hair off his face. He sighed.

“No. No I’m not. I’m angry and jealous and very much filled with resentment towards my brother.” He said honestly and I laughed, tugging on his hand and patting the seat next to me. He straightened before moving to settle next to me and I leaned on his shoulders, sighing as he wrapped on around me, the warmth of his body comforting .

“Are you going to give your marriage a chance?” I asked carefully.

“She told me she was going to break things off for good. We.. We’ve been talking about it. Starting a family, making this work.” He said quietly. I nodded. It was understandable. Unlike Jungkook and I , Jihyun had a responsibility. He would need a son and even though people liked to act like they didn’t care much about gender, like they didn’t care much about having children , it was sort of an unspoken rule. First son of the house ? You had to have a male heir to carry the family name.

I wondered how that conversation had gone between Jungkook and Lisa. It didn’t really match the photo I’d seen.

“I suppose Jungkook probably put up a fight. He genuinely wants to end up with her. He… He tells me often that he loves her and can’t love anyone else. ” I wondered if I ought to feel embarrassed or insulted.

But the truth was, I was numb to a lot of things that had once hurt quite a lot..

The conversation with Jungkook about my pregnancy had definitely cleared things up for me. There was nothing there worth salvaging. Chasing something that wasn’t real , that was foolishness. Especially when I had a very real baby to think about. A child that counted on me to make the right choices.

“I don’t think he did. She spoke to me last night and said that he agreed. Of course that was before the article came out. I’d like to think she didn’t lie to me but I’m not sure.”

I sighed, settling in closer to his chest. He was warm and firm, solid and reliable. I wondered if it would have been easier, if my father had just married me off to Jihyun instead. Jihyun and I …we were alike. We had been friends , even from childhood. Had watched with fond adoration as our younger siblings had fallen madly, wildly in love. Jungkook and Liza had been drawn to each other from the first. Inevitable.

Jihyun and I were more carefree. We didn’t feel things that intensely and perhaps that was why we could sit here in the calm of the afternoon air, quiet and introspective when we ought to be furious and raging.

“ Should we run off together? You and i?” He said suddenly making me laugh.

“Very much incapable of running.” I reminded him with a grin and he squeezed my shoulder .

“I’d carry you.” He said simply.

“Where would we go?” I asked curiously, indulging the fantasy for just a few minutes.

“Somewhere far away. Maybe India? There’s so many people there and we could get lost in the crowds.”

“That does sound appealing.” I smiled and turned to look up at him. His face inches from mine, not as handsome as Jungkook but strong featured and kind. “ But I’m not alone anymore. I have a child.”

His gaze dipped to my lap.

“Yes. Jungkook’s child.” He said thoughtfully.

“No. Mine. Nobody else’s . Just mine.” I said quietly. Jihyun’s gaze softened. He pressed a quick kiss to the top of my head.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, echoing his father’s words.” On behalf of my idiot brother, I’m sorry.”

And where Mr. Jeon’s words hadn’t made any sort of impact, Jihyun’s made my heart clench and ache in the worst way. Self pity was something I loathed but sometimes, being handed the short end of the stick at every turn in life makes it impossible to not feel sorry for yourself.

Tears stung, welling up in my eyes and spilling over my lashes like water bubbling out of an aquifer.

I blinked slowly, not bothering to wipe them as they traced a path down my face, dripping into the fabric of my shawl. In a moment of clarity I wondered what Jungkook must be going through now. Nothing good for sure.

It definitely said something, that I still worried for him. Sighing, I let Jihyun hug me closer. I would take advantage of his kindness for a few more minutes. It had been a while since someone had held me like I mattered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I called Jungkook that evening.

It wasn’t an easy choice but my heart ached and my mind raced with unanswered questions. I didn’t want to get lost in my own thoughts so I didn’t overthink it. We were still married. I was allowed to call him.

He picked up on the third ring.

“Where are you?” I asked quietly and Jungkook’s groan made my face heat up a little.

“I… Leah?” He sounded groggy. I glanced at the time. It wasn’t late.

“Are you sleeping?”

He didn’t reply for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry about what happened. We.. We didn’t do anything else. It was just.. it was a kiss. Just that.”

“Are you still in the hotel?” I asked quietly ignoring his words.

“ For tonight, yes. Dad wants me to stay with a friend of his. I’ll be going over to their place tomorrow morning.” He replied .

Silence followed for a few seconds.

“Namjoon is moving in tomorrow.” I said stiffly.

Jungkook didn’t respond for a minute or so.

“Yes. Father said it’s a good idea. And I agree. You shouldn’t be alone while I’m here. He’s right. Hyung’s a nice guy. He’ll help you out.” Jungkook said softly.

“Liza came home. She wanted to talk to me.” I said quietly.

Jungkook didn’t reply and I sighed.

“I told her I wasn’t going to talk to her before I talked to you. I don’t… I don’t want to say anything to her that I haven’t already said before. But I still want to know your thoughts on all this. Your plans, that is. I take it you weren’t happy with her ending things.” I said stiltedly.

Jungkook didn’t reply for a few seconds.

“Things between us ended a long time ago, Leah. It was over when we both agreed to marry other people. Maybe even before that, I don’t know… I … I guess I just didn’t want to acknowledge them.” He said quietly. “ She’s different, now. Even that kiss felt so wrong.  She’s moving on. I’m glad in a way. She deserves better than me. She deserves someone like hyung. He’s better than me in everyway and-”

God I wanted to strangle him.

“So why did you kiss her?” I snapped. “ If you’re so generously letting her go why would you…” I stopped.

“I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me. It was barely for a second.” He muttered. “ whoever it was must’ve been videoing us for a while.”

I had to remind myself that in the grand scheme of things, this little detail made no difference.

“Right.” I sighed. “ So, you won’t be home for a while?”

“Six weeks at least.” He said quietly.

I tried to keep the disappointment down. I still wanted to see him, just to make sure he was okay. But I knew that was just the pregnancy hormones talking.

“Okay.” I said simply.

“How are you? Did you go see the doctor?” He asked softly and the question surprised me. I was half sure he had forgotten.

“No, not yet. Maybe in a couple of days.” I scratched at a small stain on my skirt. Lime juice and baking soda, I thought absently. That should get the stain out.  

“Its pretty late. You should go see the doctor, Leah. I.. I looked stuff up. They say you have to be on pre natal vitamins, folic acid and iron supplements  and you have to have  a balanced diet. I called Sana earlier and told her to speak to our doctor and get a diet chart for you. She said she’ll do it soon. So , please take care of yourself.”

Jungkook sounded entirely serious and as always my brain felt muddled, unable to process why he did the things he did. He had looked things up about the pregnancy and that implied some sort of interest, didn’t it? But ….. he had also kissed my sister so what was I supposed to do with this?

“I’ll call you.” I said shakily, drained. I was done for the day.

“Right.” He said softly. “ Namjoon hyung will be there tomorrow right? Should I talk to him? He could take you to the doctor.”

“No.. That’s fine. I’ll manage.” I said quickly.

“You’re sure?” There was genuine worry there.

“Yes.” I sighed.

“Alright.”

Silence again. I exhaled shakily.

“Should I hang up?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah. Good night. ” He breathed.

“Good night, Jungkook.”

Click.

I stared at the wall, gently lowering the phone and placing it on the bed next to me.

She deserves better than me, his voice echoed in my head.

Well, so did I.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Namjoon looked nothing like the twenty one year old college student I’d seen a decade ago. I knew he was a successful novelist and I’d read all his books. They were mostly philosophical or commentaries on life and emotions. I enjoyed the way he wrote : melancholic and deep but also clear and easy to understand. It was like staring at a particularly deep pool, being able to see all the way down to the bottom because of how clean the waters were. But once you put your feet in, the depth  always surprised you.

“That’s a lot of books.” I laughed, gripping the edge of the door frame as I watched him stumble under the weight of a crate full of bound books. Namjoon’s messy brown hair peeked over the top, and when he adjusted the huge load to stare at me, I caught sight of his handsome face stretched in a dimpled grin, eyes glinting.

“Research.” He grunted, straightening himself up and I watched the flex of his muscles as he carefully moved to place the crate down in one corner of the large bedroom that I’d had cleaned for him. It was on the west wing of the house, parallel to my own bedroom that I shared with Jungkook . Namjoon had spent three years working as a professor somewhere in Indonesia. And I knew that he’d spent a year backpacking all over Scandinavia. I stared at his tall strapping figure, watching him set up his writing space carefully, sorting out boxes and electronics.

He had driven here in his Range Rover and I knew all his clothes were still there in the back of the car.

“Should I ask the footmen to get your clothes?” I asked and he glanced up at me, frowning.

“Footmen?” He looked confused and I rolled my eyes.

“Namjoon…” I said chidingly and he grinned again.

“I keep forgetting you’re filthy rich. Makes me wish I should have beaten Jungkook to the game and bagged myself a rich wife.” He winked. It was a joke but there was no mistaking the hint of interest in his eye. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part. Being married to Jungkook had definitely made me question the attraction I held for men so it felt good, having someone as handsome and whole and successful as Namjoon look at me like that.

“I’ll ask them to get your clothes. You should shower and settle in. We’ll meet for dinner tonight.” I said quickly and he nodded.

“You’re going to be okay heading back to your room? Let me know if you need help.” He pointed at my feet and I nodded. It was sweet of him to offer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dinner was surprisingly not awkward at all. Namjoon had a lot of interesting stories to share and I found myself clinging to ever word in rapt attention. He spoke about all the folklore he’d run into in different places, how he thought that no matter the culture, there were always some common things you could find in every one of them. He also talked a little about his next book, which he hadn’t named yet.

“It’s about second chances. Forgiving and moving on.” He said, taking another bite of his braised pork and moving to make another lettuce wrap.

“ Heavy stuff.” I said thoughtfully. “ Most of my writing is commercial. I just try to sell stuff to reluctant people. It’s not much but it keeps me occupied and it’s always nice to make money that you can call your own.”

“It’s because you don’t write for yourself. When you start writing for yourself, you can truly be who you are.” He said firmly and I nodded in agreement.

My writing in college had been vivid and bright and filled with life. But after the accident, it had turned grey and gloomy. The words seemed to drip with loss and longing and  I didn’t enjoy it, because it was a reminder that I was no longer the vibrant, attractive fulsome girl I once was.

“Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of.” I smiled. “ Being who I am. I would rather pretend I’m at least a little alright.”

Namjoon stared at me, thoughtful.

“You used to run track.” He said softly and I grinned.

“You remember.” I said, pleased.

“Of course I do and you were captain of the volleyball team as well. You used to organize all those hikes and treks and stuff.”

“Yes I did. I loved the outdoors.” I stared out of the window.

“Loved? Past tense?” He tilted his head. I stared at him, shaking my head.

“What kind of question is that.” I shook my head. “ Look at me. I’m not trekking anytime soon, considering how the last time ended.”

“You can still go out.” He frowned. “ When was the last time you went somewhere?”

I shook my head.

“Oppa…”

“Listen. You know me. You’ve known me for more than a decade. Do you honestly think I’m going to let you rattle around this old house like a ghost when you should be out there taking in all the sunshine you can get?” Namjoon placed his chopsticks down and linked his fingers together, staring at me.

I stared at him, and it was definitely there. The concern, the affection. Not that different from when I was sixteen and struggling to understand what pathos meant.

But now there was a definite undercurrent of attraction. Back then it had been childish, the wild crush of a teenager on her hot tutor but now, now I knew that he was so much more than just a hot guy.

“I’m pregnant.” I said softly, more a reminder to myself than anything else.

Namjoon grinned.

“We’ll steer clear of horse riding and alcohol. Anything else you can just let me know.”

“Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack.”

“I think I’m getting one now.” I deadpanned.

“Because you’re nervous.” He grinned.

“Because your dimples look too adorable.” I retorted.

He laughed.

“I’ll talk to Jihyun and we’ll go see your doctor first. Then we’ll go out and have  a nice picnic.”

“Namjoon, I can’t…”

“You don’t know that.” He said firmly.” You don’t know if you can or can’t because you’ve never tried. Listen I love picnics and I love going out and I want company. I’m agreeing to be stuck with you for a while and the least you can do is  give me company at a picnic. You know how big a loser I’d seem like if I went by myself?”

It was like I was sixteen again getting brow beaten into things by a tutor who just hated the idea of not getting his way. I shook my head fondly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fourteen weeks. Three and a half months.

I stared at the ultrasound, feeling a multitude of things, not all of them good. The baby was growing well and I had all my prescriptions filled. Namjoon had offered to come with me but I had refused. It was too intimate and he was still a stranger. I did take a photo of the ultrasound and sent it to Jungkook.

/Jungkook called me back almost at once.

“You went to the doctor?” He asked, sounding a little breathless.

“Were you running?” I asked, surprised.

“Not really. I’m supposed to be meeting one of the vendors for lunch and I thought I could walk to the restaurant but its farther than I thought.” He huffed.

“Everything’s fine. Baby’s due in July.” I said quietly.

“Summer. That’s good.” He replied. “Right?”

I hesitated. What did that mean? What did it matter when the baby would be born?

“Because winter would mean it being too cold . Summer we can take the baby out and stuff without worrying too much.” Jungkook said softly.

Oh.

“How’s work?” I asked awkwardly. The non conversation was getting tedious. There was just so much to talk about and it was obvious that both of us weren’t in the mood to actually ask or answer anything worthwhile.

“Did dad say something?” Jungkook asked quickly and I frowned.

“No. Why?”

“He wants me to join hyung in the corporate office. Leave the smelter units.” Jungkook sounded subdued and upset and I felt sympathy well inside me.

“Join him? As what?” I asked quietly.

“Head of the marketing department. I’ll be reporting to Seokjin hyung.” Jungkook had clearly started walking again, breath coming in little exhales.

“You don’t want it?” I asked confused, not sure if this was a good or bad thing.

“I mean… I have a degree in Business and Finance. Hyung’s the CEO , I was hoping I’d be the CFO.” Jungkook sighed, “ But I suppose I should be grateful he didn’t disown me altogether after what happened earlier.”

I stayed quiet and so did he.

“We need to talk . When you get back. You … I know you don’t like sharing about what you feel but you owe me an explanation.” I said firmly.

“I know. But I meant what I said when I left. I’m going to be there for you and the baby. You’re still my wife. That’s not going to change.”

I ran my fingers over the ultrasound.

“Did you also mean the part where you said you can’t stand me.” I said bitterly .

Jungkook didn’t reply.

“I… You know I didn’t. That was just something I said on impulse. I’m sorry. You’re… You’ve been nothing but good to me. And honestly, just the fact that you’re carrying my child is proof that I can definitely stand you.” He sounded just a little hoarse.

I bit my lips, staring up at the door when I heard a knock.

“Leah? I’m going to have some tea in the garden … You wanna come with?” Namjoon’s voice rang through the room and I froze.

“Oh.. Oh.. yes. I’ll be down.” I said quickly, nodding . Namjoon pointed at the phone and gave to thumbs up before moving back out.

“Was that Namjoon hyung?” Jungkook’s voice came over the line.

“Oh… yeah. Yeah, he’s… he wants me to have tea with him in the gardens.” I said awkwardly.

“That’s nice.  You should go. Get out of the house once in a while.” I didn’t know what to say to that so I stayed quiet.

After another minute or so of silence, Jungkook cleared his throat.

“ I got that form you sent in for me to fill, about my medical history. I’ll fill it up and mail it to the doctor’s office. Is that alright?” He asked hesitantly. “ If not I can fly back home. If they need me in person or something.”

I frowned a bit.

“They don’t need you in person, Jungkook of course not. Mail it, that’s fine.”

Another pause.

“This is really happening huh? A baby. We’re having a baby.” The exhaustion in his voice was palpable and I wondered.

“Yes. We are.” I said simply, not having anything else to elaborate on. It was happening. I was torn between pleasure at having something to look forward to and guilt at forcing Jungkook into a role he wasn’t ready for. But , for better or for worse we were married. The child was his. It would be a Jeon.

“ I’ll do better.” He said quietly. “ With the little one. I’ll be better.”

Tears these days, sprung up out of nowhere I thought miserably, furiously swiping at my face.

“Leah?” His voice came over the line. “ Leah are you there?”

“I need to go.”

“Alright.”

“Take care of yourself too, Jungkook.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loneliness .

It’s such an odd sort of feeling. Sometimes you get used to it so much, that you forget all about it.

It stays , a part of you that doesn’t make much of an impression on you until one day, suddenly it becomes unbearable,

Until you get a glimpse of what it’s like to not be lonely.

And then suddenly it’s like a deep chasm of longing and desperation just opens up inside you, craving love and warmth and company with a hunger that feels like it can never ever be satisfied.

I’d never paid much mind to the fact that my life revolved around myself, my writing and the flowers in the garden. Not until Namjoon had come, demanding to be felt and seen and heard .

 Namjoon hadn’t joked about not letting me rattle around the house. Our days were spent sprawled on the lawns of the Jeon estate, each of us occupied with our own writing . Namjoon typed away on his laptop while I preferred my leather bound notebook. It was oddly soothing, lying there on the clean cut grass, the sharp blades rubbing against my bare legs, as I leaned back against a tree trunk, watching Namjoon’s furrowed brows as he wrote.

Namjoon had changed in a lot of ways and yet he was still somehow just as I remembered, focused and often lost in his own head. He was a contemplative man and seemed to spend as much time reading as he did writing.

“There’s a poetry club that meets every Tuesday in Gangnam. Would you like to come with me?” He asked casually, about a week after he’d moved in and I considered it. The paparazzi had finally stopped hanging about the estate and Jungkook had called the previous night with a ETA for when he would be back.

Four weeks at most, he had said firmly and I wasn’t sure if I was feeling all that excited for his return anymore. Days spent with Namjoon were more exciting. He included me in every little thing and I was addicted.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew this was probably wrong. Namjoon was sweet and kind but I was still married. But on the wake of that thought came the bitter reminder that there was nothing between Jungkook and I. He was in love with someone else. Why should I deny myself the joy of Namjoon’s company over a relationship that really wasn’t a relationship at all.

Namjoon treated me as an equal, teased and flirted like there was nothing wrong with the two of us living like this, together and away from the rest of the world and I liked it. It made me feel like perhaps happiness wasn’t such an abstract, unreachable thing after all. That perhaps I could find happiness like this. In friendship and mindless conversation with a man who didn’t see me as a burden.

“I’d love that.” I said with a smile, letting my fingers knit together with his.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Scorned wife getting even? We spotted the recently cheated on Mrs Jeon getting cozy with a strapping, buff hottie in a private restaurant last Friday and we can’t help but wonder if perhaps the reclusive lady is trying to get back at her husband by flashing her own boytoy.” Namjoon read cheerfully from his phone, looking way too entertained as he showed me the zoomed photo of us holding hands over the dinner table .

“That’s quite the description they’ve put for you.” I grimaced, sipping my chamomile tea slowly. My father and Mr. Jeon had reacted with their usual anger, threatening to sue the gossip rag for libel but it was pointless. They would keep being intrusive rats. There was nothing much to be done beyond enduring them.

“My agent’s losing his mind. He’s been at me trying to get me to agree to book signings and public appearances and he’s pissed that this is the way I get introduced to Seoul’s High society. Poor guy.” Namjoon chuckled and I felt guilt churn.

“I’m sorry, Namjoon. I really didn’t think they’d be following me. I mean… usually they’re only tailing Jungkook but I guess with the whole thing with Lisa , they’re just looking for ways to make things worse.” I said hesitantly.

Namjoon hesitated, staring at me for a few seconds.

“We never really talked about how things are.” He said quietly. “ Between you and Jungkook, that is.”

I ran the edge of my chopsticks on the brim of my soup bowl.

“ There’s not much to say. He’s…. He’s still sorting things out. With my sister.” I smiled a little. It ached a lot less, I realized with surprise.

“They loved each other deeply.” Namjoon said softly. “ that sort of thing doesn’t go away that quickly.”

I nodded.

“Of course. And I’ve been …understanding of that. I like to think.”

“But its unfair to you. You deserve to be loved too. Fully and well .”

I leaned back to stare at him.

“Are you offering?” I laughed, teasing.

Namjoon didn’t smile, leaning forward instead.

“Depends. Will you ever consider leaving him, for me?” He said seriously.

My heart turned over inside me.

“Namjoon…” I choked out and he reached out and lightly touched my palm.

“I know how marriages work with people like you, so I think I should draw boundaries now, if I want to keep myself safe.” He smiled a bit.

“I’m pregnant. With his child.” I swallowed and Namjoon’s brows went up.

“I thought it was your child. Yours and no one else’s.”

I felt torn, staring at him and wanting to say that I didn’t consider Jungkook as the child’s father, not in the way most people did. But I also remembered my husbands determined voice, the way he kept insisting that he wouldn’t neglect the child.

“Its not about Jungkook or the child, Leah. Its about you. You married Jungkook knowing he was in love with your sister and that tells me that you listen to your parents. You don’t want to stand up against the rules set by our parents and I don’t fault you for it. But I can’t let myself fall for you, knowing you’re going to be bound by your obligations to yurr family.”

I shook my head.

“Don’t fall in love with me.” I said easily. “ You’re right. My family comes first. And whether I want to be or not, I’m bound to Jungkook for life. So don’t fall in love with me.”

He smiled and nodded.

“Alright then.”

“Do you want to move out?” I asked bitterly and he looked genuinely surprised.

“What?”

“You clearly think I’m trying to seduce you or something when really, I-“

“Hey. Hey, Leah…no. No alright, that’s not what I meant. These two weeks, it was amazing. I love your mind and you’re easily one of my favorite people on this planet. We’re friends. And we’ll stay friends no matter what but you must know why I said what I said. You’re a beautiful woman and I’m a lonely guy.” He smiled a bit, “ I just don’t want to make it hard for myself when you want me to leave.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook arrived back in Korea on a cold, rainy morning and against my better judgment I let Jihyun and Lisa drag me to the airport. It was some kind of publicity stunt, that much I could fathom but I didn’t know if Jungkook was in on it. I hadn’t spoken to him in a few days, he had been busy wrapping things up with the new branch in Japan.

It was another bad day for my leg and I found myself leaning heavily on my sister, her arm wrapped around my waist as we walked over to the waiting area. I could already identify a few men with cameras staring at us discreetly. Paparazzi . I saw them move their cameras down to the now obvious curve of my stomach and I swallowed. I could already imagine the articles wondering who the father was : Jungkook or Namjoon.

“You alright?” My sister asked worriedly and I nodded, not looking at her. Lisa hadn’t been discouraged by initial refusal to speak to her, keeping at it till I finally caved and let her visit me at the estate. She didn’t love Jungkook anymore, she insisted . It was over. They were over . She wanted to give her marriage a chance. Very sweet and nice, that. And it was obvious that she wasn’t lying, what with the way she and her husband kept

Jihyun and Lisa had made amends with each other and it annoyed me that they seemed to be madly in love with each other all of a sudden. Like the past couple months hadn’t even happened. I stared down at my wedding ring feeling stricken. Was it unfair that I resented them for this? Why hadn’t the two of them thought of this, of breaking things off and moving on before the damn wedding. And then maybe Jungkook and I would have had a real marriage too.

Bitter and hormonal was definitely not a good combination I thought with a wince, fingers splaying on the curve of my lower belly. It was so odd, being pregnant. The extra weight somehow foreign but also …so soothing. The last scan had shown that I had an anterior placenta and that meant that I may not feel movements for a while. I didn’t mind, having found comfort in just tracing my palm over the bare skin of my stomach.

“There he is.” Jihyun’s voice made me look up and ure enough there he was.

It wasn’t the longest we’d been away from each other and yet, I felt my heart leap at the sight of him. He truly was a very handsome man, I thought miserably. And no matter what people said, it was infinitely more difficult to hate your husband when he looked that good.

Jungkook’s eyes caught mine first and I saw the way his gaze dipped straight to the curve of my bump. Even from the ten feet between us , I saw hi lips part in surprise , eyes going wide. It probably hadn’t felt real to him till now, I thought biting my lips as he carefully handed his bags over to the two chauffeurs who had rushed to help him.

Jihyun wasted no time in bounding over and hugging his little brother tight.

I glanced at the man who had been taking photos, pleased to see the surprise in his face. Was he hoping that the CEO would punch his little brother in the face ? Idiots. Lisa stayed by my side and I exhaled shakily.

“ Dad told me something and I want to know if its true.” I said quietly.

She didn’t reply.

I took a deep breath, still watching the two brothers embrace each other, Jungkook’s face buried in Jihyun’s shoulders. I could see him shaking just a little and I felt my gut clench.

“He told me that …that you never told him that you wanted to marry Jungkook. That when he suggested Jihyun you agreed at once.”

She looked away.

“Lets talk about this later.” She said quietly.

“Does Jungkook know?” I demanded. “ Because he spent that first month of our marriage cursing our father out for forcing you to marry Jihyun. Forcing. And dad says that he did no such thing. So what is the truth.”

Lisa didn’t respond.

“Jungkook  knows.” She said finally, “ I told him… the truth. When we were in Japan.” and I laughed in disbelief.

“Was that before or after you kissed him?” I snapped and she looked genuinely pained.

“Leah, I never meant to hurt you or Jungkook.” She said shakily.

“My God.” I shook my head. “ I always knew you were a selfish, greedy person but I didn’t take you for being a liar and a deceitful coward. ”

She stared down at her feet.

“Yes. I’m greedy..”  She whispered “ And you may not understand it now but I did it for you and for Jungkook.”

She moved away and I watched as Jihyun pulled away from Jungkook, still holding his arm as he held a hand out to Lisa. The smile on her face seemed genuine as she took her husband’s hand and I shifted my gaze to mine. Jihyun and Lisa walked away to their car and Jungkook stepped closer to me, his face stoic and impossible to read.  

“Leah.” He said quietly, dark hair falling into even darker eyes.

I didn’t reply, merely stepping up to gently press my palms on either side of his face.

“Welcome back.” I said softly, before reaching up and kissing him full on the lips. Jungkook’s entire body went stiff as a board at the gesture but he didn’t pull away , thankfully. It felt cold and impersonal and barely lasted a few seconds but hopefully the man had gotten a few good shots. I closed my eyes for effect, running my thumb over the clean shaven curve of his jaw, before pulling away slowly.

I peered over Jungkook’s shoulder, just to make sure and sure enough, the man was moving closer to get better angles. I smiled a little. Good. That should hold these vultures off for a while. I turned back to Jungkook and his eyes followed my gaze catching sight of the man with the camera and his entire body seemed to go stiff with anger.

“Why did you do that?” He growled and I bit my lips.

“You know why.” I made to turn away but he gripped my arm, hard. So hard that I winced.

“What are you doing?” I asked panicking, glancing at the man who was still watching.

“Since when did you start pandering to those pigs?” He whispered angrily and I flinched.

“Your father wants to introduce you to the Board of directors this weekend.” I whispered quietly, “Most of them read the news Jungkook. The last news about us can’t be about you cheating on me.”

“That’s my business. And I’ll deal with it. We’re not doing this, Leah. I’m not putting on some kind of act just to please my fucking father.” He looked furious and the taut line of his jaw made me flinch.

“I’m sorry.” I said quickly, guilt churning inside me. He was right. I shouldn’t have done that without talking to him about it but I knew that the scandal with him and Lisa wouldn’t go down well with the Board. And the Board generally had a direct say on who got hired to top managerial positions.

“I just want you to get that job.” I said softly and he stared at me, stiff body relaxing marginally.

“Let’s just go home. Yeah?” Jungkook said tiredly and I bit my lips.

Less than fifteen minutes since he came home and we were already at odds with each other.

The most ill suited couple in the universe, I thought with a grimace as he stepped right next to me and wrapped a hand around my waist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had a very terrible tendency to forget taking my pills. So I generally left them by the bedside table. Stepping out of the shower, I found Jungkook sitting on my side of the bed, examining the bottle carefully. I tugged on the white t shirt I had on, suddenly embarrassed because it was Jungkook’s

I’d asked to borrow a couple over the phone,  simply because I no longer fit into my own and the ones I’d ordered weren’t here yet. Jungkook had agreed but still, it felt awkward when he was wearing the exact same t shirt himself.

He turned around when I moved to the vanity to put on moisturizer for the night and through the reflection I saw his gaze linger on my attire.

“Aspirin? Didn’t know that was part of pre natal vitamins?” He said seriously and I blinked., surprised. I turned around to stare at him, licking my lips nervously.

“How much research did you do?” I asked, genuinely curious and he flushed.

“I had a lot of free time. “ He said defensively. “ These six weeks.”

I frowned, before turning back to grab the small pot of night cream from the draw.

“My blood pressure is a little elevated. My mother had pre eclampsia with my sister and they just want to be careful.”

“Pre eclampsia?” Jungkook’s voice was fraught with nervousness and I turned back to see him almost white as a sheet.

“Jungkook…I.. its nothing serious.” I said hastily and his jaw went even more taut.

“What do you mean its not serious? Do you even know what it is?” He demanded.

“Do you?” I snapped back, annoyed at being treated like I was an errant child.

“I know that it’s the leading cause of maternal death during birth.” He all but shouted and I flinched.

“Okay…that’s only in extreme cases.” I held both my hands up. “ it’s a bit too premature to be panicking over that.”

Jungkook opened his mouth, as though to argue but then seemed to calm himself down.

“When’s your next check up?” He asked casually.

“This weekend. But its okay, Namjoon is-“

“I’ll come with you. I.. I want to come with you.” He said quietly.

I stared at him, feeling too awkward to outright refuse.

“You have the meeting with the Board. This weekend.” I said softly.

“So?” Jungkook shrugged. “ I’ll just tell them your appointment and health is more important to me. Besides isn’t that what you wanted? The reason you kissed me at the airport? You want the board to think we’re happily in love. I think that would be an excellent way to show them that. ”

Jungkook stared at me , head tilted curiously, daring me to deny what I had old him myself.

Sighing, I nodded.

“Alright.” I managed a weak smile. “ You can come with me.”

“Namjoon hyung left today, you said?” He asked casually.

I nodded.

“I should send him a bottle of his favorite wine for taking care of you so well. You look good.”

“He did it because he wanted to. Because he enjoyed it.” I retorted, his words rubbing me just a little wrong.

Jungkook smiled although it was more of a smirk.

“I’m sure he did. But I’m here now. And I did promise you that I’ll be there for you.”

“For the baby.” I said sharply, not liking the way he looked. The things he seemed to b implying.” You promised me you’d be there for the baby.”

“And right now, said baby is inside you.” He grinned now and I felt my pulse quicken at the sight. Jungkook didn’t smile with me. It wasn’t something that happened. At all. “ So I’ll have to take care of you.”

I stared at him, biting my lips.

“What are you doing?” I demanded. “My sister told you she never wanted you so now you want to start fucking me again?”

It was cruel. A terrible thing to say and I regretted it at once.

The smile faded.

“What?”

“ I…fuck Jungkook.” I groaned.

“is that what you think of me? Need I remind you that you were the one who came to me all those months ago? I never…. I would never force myself on you, Leah.” He looked like he’d been stabbed and I heart clenched.

“Jungkook , I…”

“I’ve been honest. Through all of this I’ve been honest to you. I lied to your sister, I lied to my father and fuck I even lied to myself. But I’ve been honest with you , Leah.”

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?!” I cried out, despairing. “ You were in love with my sister and –“

“And she wanted to marry my brother.” Jungkook yelled, standing up and turning to me, eyes blazing. “  All along. Know what she told me Leah? That it was never supposed to be me. That five years of us being together…it was because she was in love with my brother and she couldn’t bear the thought of being alone. She started dating me to make him jealous and when she saw that I spent so much time with Jihyun she stuck around . So she could spend time with him.” He shook his head.

I stared at him, horrified.

“Jungkook….”

“I thought I could never feel more pathetic than when I stood there listening her tel me how she never felt a single thing for me. But wow…. Thank you for proving me wrong. Because right now, standing here begging you to let me a part of the child we both made knowing you only see me as some kind of pervert just looking to get into your bed….” he shook his head,” I feel worse. I feel dirty.”

My throat went dry.

“You know what?” He moved to the closet and to my horror he grabbed a bunch of his clothes and a small suitcase. “ I’m going to go get a Hotel room.”

“What? No… Jungkook, wait!” I rushed to his side, grabbing his arm but he threw my hand off quickly.

“Ask Namjoon hyung to move back in. Better yet, tell dad the truth. That you think I’m disgusting. That the thought of me being in your life makes you sick. Tell him you want a divorce and-“

“It’s a girl.” I exhaled sharply.

Jungkook went completely still.

I swallowed, my heart racing so fast I couldn’t catch my breath.

I took a deep breath and moved to lightly touch his back, fingers splaying on the broad expanse of his shoulder blade .

He turned around at that and my heart lurched at the tear tracks down his cheeks. He looked wrecked.

“ A girl?” He whispered.

I bit my lips, nodding.

“We’re having a little girl.” He looked a little shell shocked.

“Yes. And hopefully, she isn’t as dramatic as her father.” I said softly, grabbing the dozen or so t shirts he’d pulled out of the closet and pushing them back into the shelves.

Jungkook didn’t protest, still staring into space, probably just taking the news in. I felt awful for one second because I hadn’t even cared all that much when the technician had told me.

I closed the closet door and moved back to the vanity trying to process all that had been said in the last five minutes, only to feel a headache come on. I would think about it tomorrow.

I finished braiding my hair when Jungkook’s voice came from the bed.

“If you don’t want me to intrude into your space you can tell me. I’m okay with only getting information about the baby.” He said quietly.

I stared at myself in the mirror.

I turned to him slowly. i took a deep breath, considered that what i was going to say would likely change everything between us. But i had to. 

I’ve always been honest with you Leah, He had said and I decided that perhaps he deserved some honesty in return.

“I think I’m in love with Namjoon.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : these two are such a mess istg. 

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