#was so weird bc about a year ago i burned out so hard that i never recovered and it just got worse and worse. i feel now that ive stopped

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[missingmark]

can’t wait for pt 3!!

― old habits die hard pt.3 (final part)

Picking up your sister from her own prom Matt takes the second chance he's been presented to tell you all the things he never said.

‧₊˚ matt x fem!reader

‧₊˚ warnings: reader has nails done again and makeup on! also not proofread bc im tired and its 2 am :c ill do it tomorrow tho (?)

‧₊˚ word count: 1.4k

‧₊˚ masterlist - part 1 | part 1.5 | part 2

‧₊˚ want to be on the taglist?

Matt thought about holding your hand.

This has been a recurring urge for the past 3 years now but for the first time in weeks he couldn’t act upon it and it was really taking all of his self control to not reach for your fingers that were resting on top of your thigh, drumming a mindless pattern into the material of your pants as you looked out of the window.

His hand would sometimes inch a bit towards yours, but everytime they even so much as grazed your fingers you would suddenly reach for your water or for the phone to change the song.

All the signs were pointing towards the fact that you’re mad at him or that your feelings about him have changed in some sort of negative sense over the last few days.

He tried not to sigh too loudly but he was growing more and more frustrated and worried with how distant you seemed lately.

The call from your sister, asking you if you could maybe pick her up from prom was an opportunity for Matt to get some time alone with you, in the hopes of discussing this sudden tension that had formed seemingly out of nowhere between the two of you.

He parked somewhere in front of his old school, the familiar building seemed much different tonight, but in a whole other way than it did during his own prom night.

The music was still softly playing on the radio and every once in a while Matt would glance towards you, one of his hands resting on the steering wheel, the other on his thigh.

“I texted her we’re here, she says she’ll say goodbye to her friends and will be out in a minute,” you mumbled, your eyes trained on your phone, not once meeting Matt’s eyes.

He just hummed in acknowledgement, a silence that was so unusually awkward hung in the air and it physically pained him that for the first time in Matt’s life he didn’t feel as though you and him were even friends at all.

“I hate this,” he murmured, his head finally turning towards you, burning holes into the side of your head as he waited for you to reciprocate his stare.

“High school?” You questioned jokingly, knowing exactly what he was actually talking about but hoping that he wouldn’t start this conversation. “You know what I mean,” Matt murmured, this time he reached out for your hand, a sudden bravery overcoming him that he wasn’t aware he had.

Your eyes fell onto his hand, resting on top of yours, tracing mindless shapes into the back of your hand as he waited for you to speak.

“You wanna sit on the bleachers for a bit while we wait?” 

It wasn’t what Matt had expected you to say, but any words that were directed towards him with your full intent were cherished and appreciated by him at this point and so he hopped out of the car as quick as he possibly could, walking around to open your door and pulling you towards the familiar field with a hopeful smile on his face.

The bleachers looked just as strange and unfamiliar as they did two years ago, only this time there was some sense of melancholy mixed in between, it was weird seeing this place again after you had spent almost every day of your life for 4 years here.

“Isn’t it weird?” Matt began, “to be here again, I mean.”

You thought back to your high school self, how much effort and time you put into wearing your hair the way that Matt had complimented it once when the two of you were twelve, the way you did your Makeup and practised slow dancing over and over again just in case he might ask you that night. 

In more ways than one you were here again.

“Yeah, I guess so,” is the answer you ultimately settle on, your eyes staying on the floor as you tried to distract yourself from the fact every glance at his face made you want to kiss him.

“You called me pretty that night, for the first time after 3 years of friendship,” you spoke, no real emotion behind your words, you spoke it like a fact and there was a bittersweetness to the memory.

“I think that was the only time you called me pretty, actually.”

It was in this split second that Matt had realised something so crucial and life-changingly important, he was almost embarrassed he didn’t think about it sooner.

As the light from inside the building illuminated your face, that was just as beautiful now as it was then, in the same way that it had during your own prom night Matt noticed that this might be the second chance he had been wishing for ever since to say what he didn’t get to say the first time around.

“But you know I think you do,” he scooted a bit closer to you, his hand taking yours into his, “I always think you’re pretty.”

Matt has never seen you blush before, or at least he hadn't noticed, but the sight, even in this darkness, was one he couldn’t get enough of and he suddenly saw how good it feels to speak his mind.

Neither you nor him could have expected his next words.

“I should have kissed you that night.”

He scoots a little closer

“And every night after that.”

His voice softening.

“I should have asked you to dance and I should spend my time telling you how pretty you are instead of just thinking about it.”

Your heart had never beaten this fast and the more he spoke the more you were convinced you were dreaming all of this.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I should have told you I like you. Because I do, still and the thought of not being your friend, at the very least, has killed me the past few days.”

He waits for you to speak, clearly noticing you still needed some time to process all his words.

“I never knew…,” you began, leaning onto your hand to get even closer to Matt.

“I didn’t think you felt the same.”

“Wait…the same?” 

It was Matt’s turn to blush.

“Obviously, you goof.”

“I thought you were developing a crush on Chris.”

“Ew.”

“My thoughts exactly,” he giggled along with you, your shoulders touching at this point as he glanced towards you again when your laughter died down.

“So…what now?”

Subconsciously his tongue darted out to slightly wet his lips and at this point Matt had already said too much to hide the blatant glance towards yours.

“I guess, you could make up for all those times you never kissed me,” you mumbled, your lips hovering over his before finally feeling the softness of mouth against yours, his hand finding its way to the side of your face as he kissed you so delicately you could barely even recognise him. Pulling away his eyes searched for yours, looking for permission to do it again, which you gladly gave.

The second kiss was much more passionate, eager in a way that made it really clear to the both of you just how long you had been waiting for this.

Your hands found their way into his hair and you thanked all your stars for this truly perfect-

“Gross,” the disgusted comment from your sister made the two of you jump apart, looking towards her in embarrassment.

“Once you two are done, can we go home?” She mumbled over her shoulder, walking towards the car. 

As much as you tried to hide your giddiness, the smile on your faces told your sister all she needed to know as the two of you followed after her.

“So, does that mean I get to hold your hand whenever I want to?” Matt mumbled, trying to hold back his smile.

“I guess it does.”

“Good, because I was honestly planning on biting my nails again just so you'd let me hold yours…speaking of, does that also mean I can bite your-”

“Don’t push it,” you mumbled back before slipping your hand into his.

“Fine, fine, I won’t.” 

He gave your hand a reassuring squeeze as he reached for the car keys with his other hand.

With a smile, you spoke.

“I’ll hold you to that.”

taglist

@stxrniqlo @jvdethirlwall @yoongoboongo @maddymaddie @blondiexx1 @insane-fangirl @gingerbreadgodofhyperdeath @becicamina @l0v3r0fr0ck @f3ssss @taking-a-footnote-in-your-life

ill write 1 last side part this weekend but the story is done :)

thank you all for the kind feedback i really hope you enjoyed this! know that the series im working on rn is the one that i've been planning for a while and is the reason i made this blog in the first place!

i promise i wont disappoint you! :)) and it will be so much cooler than anything ive ever written! :D also ill try to upload that new series every second day, so i hope to prewrite it over the next few days :))

i hope you enjoyed, luv u soooo much<3

[spacelazarwolf]

As an aroallo who’s been involved in the ace/aro discourse from a few years ago, I’ve read the manifesto and found the blog behind it, and… yeah that’s not a psy-op, that’s just aros replicating political lesbianism on accident because they’re frustrated with amatonormativity and conflating it with romantic attraction in general, but I also feel kinda… weird about seeing it sent anonymously to someone who isn’t aro and idk if you’ve ever openly said if/that you’re aro or not. Even though the original creators of the manifesto were being completely genuine about it, that wouldn’t stop someone who thinks aromantics are homophobic freaks who need to be pushed out of the queer community from using it to create rifts by sending it to alloromantic queer folks to subtly say “look, this is what those heartless monsters think of you!” And since they’re anonymous, I have absolutely zero idea what their intentions are and cannot examine them more closely. It seems so far the reactions have been to criticize it while maintaining the stance that aros as a whole are fine, which is great, but I still can’t shake my suspicions of the original anon. I dunno. Maybe I’m still too burned by the discourse.

(This is not me saying you’ve done anything wrong, I get that you get a lot of unhinged anons and cannot control what people send you. This is me side-eyeing the anon who sent that to you really hard).

if it makes you feel better, this was the original message i got:

have you ever read the aromantic manifesto? (link here: aromanticmanifesto + tumblr ending) I'm not in very many aro-centric or aro-informed spaces IRL and tumblr is a cesspit so I'm very curious to hear what other queer people think of it, as an aroqueer person (genuine) feel free to ignore this!

in case that kind of helps to contextualize it, it wasn't like. someone just dropping a link and leaving, it was someone asking what i thought. i just couldn't read the pdf that the blog had linked bc it was formatted in a way that was hard on my eyes. but also i get a ton of ppl "asking what i think" and then it's just bait so it is so fucking hard to tell which questions are ppl who are genuinely curious and who is just trying to set me up :)))))))

but yeah, i think it's a pretty common anxiety for all types of queer people to worry that any time one of us does something stupid that we're all going to get punished. i'm monitoring my notes in case anyone uses this as an opportunity to be a dipshit abt it.

[lesbienyu]

people have this Image of what brain damage/traumatic brain injuries (TBIs) look like and it's always one of these:

-basically the same as before, but with amnesia for dramatic effective

-vegetative state

-"brain of a child," or an adult who draws with crayons and speaks in monosyllables.

and like, yeah, that can be it, but there's a lot more. when I tell people I have brain damage, they usually think I'm joking because I seem pretty normal and I am! I was lucky - my brain bled, I had seizures, I shattered my skull, and, with the damage that was done, I'm very, very lucky that I'm as close to normal as I am thirteen months later.

but, at the same time, I do struggle with my symptoms a lot. I forget things and it's frustrating. and being frustrated with frontal lobe damage is different. it's less "ugh this is annoying" and more "I can't figure out why I can't get this, god am I stupid? what's happening? what was I trying to find?" for hours because I don't feel like forgetting things happened as much back then. I couldn't find a tube of paint today. before, I would've been annoyed and given up and moved on, but now it's this "if I can find it, that means I'm not as forgetful and I'm getting better. if I can't, there's gotta be a way to remember it." so I searched for three hours, even cleaned the basement, because maybe finding it would be proof I'm better.

and same with skills. I used to program. I had to go back to Hello World type stuff after. and it's hard, because I'll see the lessons and suddenly know it, but it's all stuff I used to be able to do without even thinking, let alone checking. I have pages of coding I wrote that I can't read, and I'm not sure I ever will be able to. I'm okay with that- relearning it is fun, and faster than learning it the first time, but it's like looking at a poem in an unknown language while knowing you were once the author.

or like, I love cooking. when I got my TBI, the majority of the damage was in my occipital lobe, which I'm told helps you see. everything was so bright for months. I had to learn to cook in the dark before it got better. I kept burning everything because I couldn't stand the lights on and it made me so mad because I've always been a great cook and it was suddenly gone.

I also lost my verbal filter with the frontal lobe damage to some degree. it's mortifying, being unsure if you thought something or said it out loud. imagine having a really nuanced, complex question that needs delicate phrasing and then just blurting out the bluntest possible version of it while still trying to think of how to phrase it and not realizing til after that you'd said it before you're ready. and it always comes off as so weird bc I generally have great social skills, I've been called charismatic and sociable, but then every once in a while it's like some robot with no social grace launching off random words and feeling mortified.

or just work. I love my job, I feel passionate about it, but I had to take almost a year off because I couldn't do basic tasks like look at maps or train new employees or even be able to comprehend what someone was asking me, let alone answer it.

I feel like I'm missing most of my life. it feels less like memories, and more like a book I read long ago or a movie I saw as a child. I couldn't tell you what the woman I spent half my adult life with looked like, just how I felt about her back then and that she had a dog and bad music taste. or what my childhood friends looked like, if they were in band or choir. I couldn't remember much about high school, or college, or the few years after- most of what I know is from memories so vague they feel like a dream several hours after waking, otherwise all the details of my life come from my journals and my loved ones. it's not a blank, just a vagueness, a fog. and it's terrifying, to hear stories about a self you don't recall being. I also used to be meaner, more serious and more negative, so there's some good that come out of it.

It just feels strange having a past self I won't meet or remember the same as most. and none of this is what I expected out of brain damage. overall, I don't think I feel different, but I don't remember well enough to say.

[futureplayboibunnie]

Reader being turned on by Stephen being good with kids or just being a dad and baby making kink and whatever else? Bc man who is good with kids makes me FERAL

Thank you💕

‘Messy’

Dr Strange x fem!reader

- never in a million years would i have imagined myself writing about breeding but here we are. i genuinely think this is my filthiest one yet, i had to just stop and think about what i was doing a few times and how my life got to this specific moment. i love possessive Stephen so much, gah damn. anyways, enjoy this filth xo

Stephen had been looking at you funny all day, not badly but just...strangely.

He was wearing himself differently than usual, head tilted back and eyes gleaming in a wicked dimmed sparkle, his conscience was heavy with something and you were keening to find out what his beautiful mind held. You let it sit with you throughout the day, letting him come to you for once.

He was sat in his big, antique chair that was nooked in the corner of his room, the night bleary with frost whisped air as his window showed him the New York lights like a cinematic experience made just for him; but the neon lights weren't enough to shred light to his thoughts. When Stephen saved America from the eternal torment of the Scarlet Witch, he grew a weird sort of attatchement to the idea of having someone he needed to protect. Of course he had you he needed to keep safe, if anyone laid a finger on you or looked at you the wrong way he'd enjoy torturing them for weeks on end before sending them to burn in a dimension of fire and darkness but he wanted more with you. Stephen couldn't imagine letting anyone else in let alone imagining a life with them, a life with kids and then you walked into his life and turned everything upside down and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't rid himself of you, an itch that couldn't be scratched. Now he was so in love he was sure he was replaced by a lovesick fool, not the hard and arrogant neurosurgeon he was eons ago.

Stephen needed you to have his kids. He wanted you dripping with how much he needed you.

You on the other hand noticed the way he was with children. Fucking hell, he was just a natural with them and it was surprising to you. The man that was once so egotistical it blinded his whole worldview is now a man that held children as if they were his own, able to calm them down in just a few seconds. It was easy enough to fall in love with Strange, seeing through all the hubris and insecurity he never let himself be free of, you haven't really been the same since then. You hated being treated like a damsel in distress, you could take care of yourself perfectly fine but Stephen was overprotective of what was his. He didn't have time to rationalise, no rhyme or reason to why he did the things he did. Stephen didn't like sharing. Not now. Not ever. It was so damned attractive, so mature in a way you'd never seen him.

You walked into Stephen's room, darkened and gloomy but only the light of the street outside serving as an ambient lamp. He was staring outside intently, fingers grazing over his lips completely lost in his own thoughts, clouding him grey like the night outside. He wanted to breed you, make you have his kid but he knew you well enough that you wouldn't even think twice about it. Stephen let out a shaky breath when he heard you padding slowly in the room.

‘’What you thinkin' about?'’ Your voice was honeyed, slow; a means to tease him out of the walls he was building up, he's been quiet all day, moving in silence in a way you hadn't experienced since you first met him. It took you a while to get him to open up to you.

‘’Nothing.’’ He finally said impassive in tone.

‘’Then why do you look like you're about to kill someone?’’ You smiled slightly and he let out an almost unreadable scoff.

Stephen's face was blank when you caught up to his chair, he was holding a stiff drink in his hand trying to absolve himself of something that you couldn't quite place your finger on. His brows were furrowed and his lips contorted into a hard line and his mouth fell dry, his free fingers were tapping away at the arm rest of the chair. He was restless. Impatient. Stephen's eyes finally looked up at yours and they were darkening with every moment he looked at you- wearing one of his button downs that hugged all the right places, legs bare, no panties. Fuck if he could just have you right now, stuff you full of him, have you leak for him.... heaven would rest on his shoulders and prick the tips of his ears.

‘’You just gonna sit there all lonely? You haven't been all doom and gloom in a while.’’ You breathed with your head cocked, looking down at his stern face. "You gonna tell me why?’’

He was still radio silent, his mouth not loosening at your voice alone so you opted for another way to get him to talk. You slowly climb onto his lap, eyes still unwavering from iced blue when you nestled between those massive thighs.

You shivered a little when your bare pussy met with the roughness of his jeans. God it felt good. Stephen’s chest caved a little as he huffed at you impatiently, trying so hard to not give into you, he was actually a little nervous telling you he wanted to knock you up, fuck you so hard you were reeling from how full you felt.

‘’Come on, baby. You know you can tell me anything.’' You muttered as you slung your arms around him, playing with little tufts of his hair. You weren't even teasing at this point, you were tired with him and his mopiness. Stephen was stifling a moan when you clambered onto him, he felt himself harden against you. You had grown tired of his shit, to your dismay you let go of him and stood yourself up. Letting out a little annoyed "fine' you started to walk away.

Stephen twiddled his thumbs for a moment, very certain of the next move he was going to make but it was like he lost control. Before you could leave the room he followed behind you and pulled you by your hair. You let out a yelp and struggled against him before he grabbed you by the back of the neck to face him, other hand wrapped around your waist, pinching so hard on the skin through the fabric it made you let out a breathless whine.

‘’Stephen! My hair.’’ You both stilled against each other. He was so close his breath was fanning against your face but it felt like you weren't even breathing.

‘’I want to put a baby in you.’’ Stephen muttered so casualy as he tugged onto your hair even harder so your chin jutted up towards him. His hold on you was ironlike, his grip industrial.

‘’You do?’’ Your eyes were wide in surprise. Fuck. You thought that this was a lucid dream, him telling you all the things you wanted.

‘’I want to fuck you dumb. I want to fuck you so stupid you're just aching for me to fill you up, make you leak down those bare legs you flash around so carelessly. You know I love you sweetheart, but I need to fuck you like a slut, my slut, a mindless whore until I put my kid in you.’’ He gritted out breathlessly but so certain on every single word he uttered. Your mouth was agape in his filthy words and you drank it all up. He had never been this rough with you, ever, and dear God you were begging for more.

You can't remember the last time he creampied and it made a small smirk appear on your face.

‘’Do it then.’’ You whispered against his lips, eyes heavy as you gawked into his.

The air was dense with need, so humid that if you made a fist in the air water would fall onto your lap. The extent of his need was stretching so thin it was wrapping his brain up and suffocating him.

Stephen smashed his lips against yours, practically devouring the taste of you off your tongue, your mouth so sweet and potent like a street drug- begging for hit after hit. Your tongues banded together to create a symphony of erotic sounds and when Stephen pulled on your hair even harder than before, you moaned into his mouth and he swallowed the noise in its entirety. His free hand travelled to your ass and squeezed mercilessly, he spanked it as his mouth melded to yours. He wanted to spank you until your ass was a bruising shade of red. He slowly unbuttoned every single button on your shirt at an atagonsingly slow pace, a major contrast to his heavy and fast paced words from before. Your tits fell free and you shivered at your bare skin against his.

‘’You're mine.’’ He grumbled possessively and it made your head spiral.

‘’I'm yours.’’ You hummed against his lips.

With those words alone, he pushed you on the bed facefirst by your hair and it made a broken moan fall from your raw throat. You could feel Stephen reach behind his back and he pulled off his shirt, then you could hear the clank of his belt. Your ears pricked up at the sound, eyes covered in a glassy wicked sparkle as your tongue licked at your teeth. You heart was thundering with excitement, giddy off of the high he was going to give you, the anticipation in the air driving you crazy. You grunted when he grabbed your arms and pinned them behind the small of your back, using his belt he looped around your wrists multiple times and the leather pinched your skin delectably. He tugged to tighten them up and you whined at the sensation.

‘’Gonna have you drooling for me.’’ Stephen promised as he spanked your ass again, the sound cracking through the air. It was a lazy hit but still hard, he revelled in the fact that he was leaving his handprint on your ass, his mark on your skin indenting him as a claim on you. His finger prints dug into your skin and you felt your body squirm under him.

Stephen flipped you over so he could look in your eyes while fucking you, arms still tied behind your back as you recoiled. Your eyes were alight with a demanding fire, a heady cyclone swirling in desire and whatever twisted thing he had in mind next. You knew he had an aggressive nature, his bouts of arrogance showed that but this was the best extention of that. God, it was like you were his own fuckdoll. He wanted to fuck your hole sloppy and wet, your arousal was insurmountable. His mouth was on yours, saliva and spit covering all over your lips and down your chin, his teeth bit at your jaw and neck, he provided you with those bites you loved so much, it was like the man was made for you.

‘’You wanna put your cum in me? Make me have your baby? Do it, Stephen.’’ You practically whimpered. stephen groaned when he wrapped his lips around your nipples and bit hard.

‘’Wanted to fuck you like this for weeks.’’ He sounded exasperated and needy, a mess just like you were. Stephen discarded of any remaining clothes and he was as hard as a rock, aching and desperate for you; so willing to dump his cum into you and use his cock like a plug.

You were a mewling mess. A bitch in heat. Face etched in that pathetic pampered pain as tears pricked in your eyes. It was like sin. All of it.

‘’So wet. And it’s all for me?’’ He stared you down as the tips of your noses touched, he bit down on vour plump lower lip glazed in spit and tugged it back. You nodded but it was difficult to differentiate if he was mocking you or not.

‘’You’re so generous.’’

He dragged his leaking cock through your folds before ultimately sliding into you, you made it so easy for him. Stephen didn't give you any spare moment to adjust as he rutted in and out of you as your chest heaved and your cheeks were blush bitten. Your brows tensed with every stroke, knot after knot so close to being undone. You were going to make all of his wildest dreams come true.

‘’You're a bad influence on me Strange.’’ You flirted with a smirk and all your peripheral could view was his shit eating grin threatening to slice his face in half.

‘’You love it you slut.’’ Stephen slapped you ass again. It felt divine.

‘’I'm offended. You dirty dog.’’ You giggled and tutted at him, scolding him like an irresponsible child and he was loving it.

‘’My slut.’’ He tried to acquiesce and it worked when your lips met his again to make him shut the fuck up. Sweat was falling out in dewdrops down his forehead and across his brow, the growls he let out with every stroke inside of your warm wet pussy was only fought with your sweet lust sprinkled moans. He was serioulsy tearing up and destroying your cunt like it was all his to live in, he made his mark and now he wanted to stay there.

‘’Cum inside of me. Show me you want me.’’

You breathed so sensually and Stephen had to do a double take, his patience was wearing thin and he needed to fill you to the brim. You felt the bulge of him nudge you so deep, he placed his large palm on it when he was appearing and disappearing out of you.

‘’You feel that? That's how deep I am inside of you.’’ He grinned and kissed you sweetly this time, you were sure you were blushing like an idiot. ‘’Dear God, you're so perfect it drives me insane. It's like you were made for me.’’

A moan erupted out of you, your high just visible and you were a few more footsteps to the top, that final rut into you made you see specks of euphoria in your eyesight, the look of primal desire on stephen's face made you finish that much harder, you bit your lip to stifle the louder screams about to raw your already sore throat. You were sure Stephen's dick was made of magic, you wanted him inside you forever and knowing how fucking hard he was, he did too.

Stephen let the waves crash to the shore, he let the ecstacy wash over him and he had never came like that in his entire life. Filling up your sloppy pussy to the brim and he got what he wanted, you were leaking all down your legs, eyes wide and panting with the air that barely satiated your lungs. He was giddy. Glee was all he could feel. He just loved you so much. sex was alwavs such a dream with you and this was the most memorable moment of it yet. He stilled inside you for a while before he sadly had to let you go, it pained him because you always gripped onto him so tight.

‘’Stephen…?’’

‘’Mhm?’’ He mumbled out when he flipped you over and undid the harsh knots of the belt, you sighed in relief at the freeing sensation. He threw his belt across the room.

‘’Why are you always right, goddamnit. I-I'm leaking. It's gonna take forever to clean up.’’ You blurted out, mildly annoyed at the mess he made of you.

‘’You're so messy for me, I can’t control that.’’

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

Alright I can’t sleep so it’s time for OJV headcanons that only myself will probably care about but who’s turn is it? Surprisingly not Kenny yet, but

Cartman.

• OrangeJuiceVerse Eric Cartman is an abrasive fuckwad, but he’s not actually Evil.

• He genuinely cares about his friends in his own fucked up way, but he will deny it every goddamn time. Like in hs he’ll give kenny a ride home when his shitty death trap car won’t start but he WILL insult him the whole way.

•this hasn’t been seen in the fics yet, but this mf starts a WEDDING PLANNING COMPANY called, you guessed it, CUPID ME. Marj actually got her degree in hospitality and helps him with it. Both the Style and Kenjorine weddings were GORGEOUS and so personal.

•he didn’t go to college himself but still lived with the group in their weird little house close to campus, and was the one to dubb the place “SP Survivors Safehouse” and named the EXTREMELY dangerous staircase the Widowmakers.

•was the drum major senior year but was incredibly lazy about it, just wanted a “position of power” (only got the position bc he’s an okay clarinet player and his mom slept with the assistant director)

•definitely fights with Kyle growing up ofc because as a child, he WAS truly evil. Like sociopathic. In 6th grade he FINALLY gets some mental help and is surprisingly good about keeping up with the cocktail of antipsychotics and various other shit, plus therapy and trying really hard to empathize with others.

^on that note he still ACTS LIKE A TOTAL DICK most of the time because he thinks it’s funny, but also because he is terrified of anything changing in their group and ya can’t teach an old mr kitty new tricks

• has the most OUT OF POCKET INSULTS ever and is SHOCKINGLY good at naming things. He coined the phrase “Sadsack” too.

• most of them are to mess with kyle of course. Some of his favorites are “pack it up, Fiddler On The Roof”, calling him a burning bush, prince of Egypt, things of that nature. HOWEVER!!!

•the rest of the gang accepted long ago that Cartman was always just gonna call them names and be a general jerk, but they SET UP RULES AS TO WHAT HE CANT DO/SAY!

• in high school, they implement the “Fuckwad Jar”.

• the rules of the jar are as follows: he can rip on his friends, but the SECOND something he does or says genuinely hurts someone, he has to put a dollar in. No exceptions.

• for example, he can roast Stan for being a “tree hugging hippie” and call him a buttplug, “photosynthesizing dildo”, but he CANT call him an alcoholic or try to bring home a taxidermied dog

• he’s not ACTUALLY for real transphobic, but if he tries to make a joke about Marj for shits and giggles, JAR!

• since his favorite target is Kyle, he has the most shit. He DOES still make fun of him for being Jewish, but ANYTHING GENUINELY ANTISEMITIC and ESPECIALLY ww2 “jokes” get the Jar. He’s also not allowed to say SHIT about his body, eating habits, or make ED jokes (this was a rule Stan made on his bfs behalf). Once, he made a concentration camp /ed joke COMBO while only Kyle and Marj were in the room. Kyle completely froze, but Marj went over and FUCKING DECKED HIM. When the other two got home and Kyle got over the initial shock, they all forced him to cough up his entire wallet lmao

• he can call Kenny a perv and rip on him for being poor and “pocket sized with nothing in his pockets”, he’ll call him McWhoremick but the Kenny jar rule is that you DO NOT SUGGEST THAT HES DISLOYAL

•sry I just enjoy the concept of the jar lol

•has a lot of fun living with the gang during his gap year, holding on to that last little bit of childhood normalcy, but eventually he does have to move on. He winds up traveling for a while and eventually settles in Nevada and sets up his business

•has a cat and that thing is SPOILED AS HELL

•tries to send Stan one of those beef jerky club memberships every year for Christmas lmaooooo

[mieohmy]

sticky situations | prologue.

PAIRING: spiderman! mark lee x sidekick! afab reader

GENRE: superhero! au, f2ls, romance, action, SLOW BURN, angst, fluff, humor

WORD COUNT: 8.2k

NOTES: profanity, depictions of violence, weapons, blood/injuries, all around obliviousness, not proofread im sorry i write at like the peak of dawn

SUMMARY: you never thought you’d be partners in crime with the red and blue spandex wearing hero who is not only your friend mark, but also the guy you secretly have a crush on. 

author’s note: hihi! for the first time i decided to write a prologue for one of my upcoming wips (mainly bc it would be too long if i included all the backstory into the original fic lmao) anyways this serves as a sort of teaser so hopefully its alright :) - jae

all throughout highschool, you didn’t really classify your life to be ‘exciting’. you lived in one of the biggest and busiest cities in the country and yet no long lasting love interests, cutthroat drama between your friends, not even a social life to begin with. you supposed it was your choice, after all. you were the one who chose a simple and mundane life and now you had to stick with it. 

the pace didn’t really pick up until you turned eighteen and obtained an internship at the newly reformed octavius industries. it was your choice to go into the stem-based field and you did not regret it one bit. the environment was always friendly and you felt normal- as normal as a human doing whatever they wanted to do could be. and surprisingly, it wasn’t hard to form a friend group among the other interns who had similar aspirations (and social anxiety) as you. 

lee donghyuck was the first person you met at the labs. entering the company as interns together on the first day, you classified him as the annoyingly bright guy that needed to fucking chill sometimes- and he agreed when you told him that. next was chenle and jisung. they were the two peas in a pod and to be honest, they needed to chill more than donghyuck. nevertheless, they were a breath of fresh air in your stress-filled life. 

last but certainly not least, was mark lee. you won’t lie, at first you struggled to connect with him. he was already close friends with donghyuck, chenle, and jisung from high school, so you were actually the newcomer. it wasn’t anything like he gave off ‘weird vibes’ to you, mark was just a lot quieter than the other guys and you didn’t know as much about him. when you asked jisung, that boy just shrugged and said he started acting like that about a year ago but the subject was touchy so they dropped it. apparently, it’s been fine ever since. 

to you, mark was just the mysterious guy with a secret. oh for sure, that man was hiding things from the rest of you and you especially were determined to figure out whatever it was. all those cuts and scraps decorating his knuckles and face that came from his “hobby” when you questioned him, yeah no- you didn’t believe any of that bullshit. 

and yet, your group just worked. you got closer with all of them- to the point where you actually considered them your friends. they were the people forced to suffer with your 10 cups of coffee everyday (a joke, mostly) and constant, “wait a second, i need to pee.” 

it wasn’t for a couple of months into your internship that something shifted. for starters, you had the energy to greet everyone at the lab that certain day. after scanning your badge to enter your assigned lab, you grab a pair of gloves and slip them on. 

“hey, y/n,” a voice greets out of nowhere and you almost jump. placing a hand on your now pounding chest, you turn to see mark. 

“oh my gosh, mark,” you call out, “you fucking scared me.” 

he giggles and you eventually find yourself letting out a small smile too. “my bad,” he apologizes, and you can’t help but note the dark circles under his eyes. he had them on occasion, but you thought yours were bad, and the more you looked the more it seemed like mark was staying up most if not all nights. even more than you- and that was saying a lot. 

conversation comes easily, even when the rest of the guys hadn’t shown up yet. “those lazy butts can’t even set an alarm? pathetic,” you murmur while peering down into the microscope. 

“i know. they’re always late when we plan group hangouts as well,” he remarks. “oh! and that reminds me, are we still on for that new movie?“ 

you hum. “that depends on if it’s good or not… and if the others are willing to suffer through another shitty movie. i don’t mind, though.”

you can’t see, but mark smiles unconsciously. “yeah, you’ll just fall asleep if it’s that bad. just like last time.” 

you let out a snarky laugh, recalling when you went to watch a film called freaky handshake or something like that. man, you swear it was filmed by two guys who were bored and created the whole plot in less than an hour. 

when the five of you went to watch it at the theater, you ended up passing out in the first ten minutes. it wasn’t your fault you were already feeling sleepy when the ads were playing before the start of the movie. mark was kind enough to place his jacket over you, you remember fondly. 

focusing back on the specimens you were studying in front of you, you look up at mark. he’s busy dropping a clear liquid on the glass swatch. you politely ask said person to pass you the dropper when he’s finished and he nods. when he hands you it, your fingers touch for a split second and you jolt slightly at the almost electric feeling. first of all, where were mark’s gloves? and second of all, was it just you who felt that? glancing at him, he seems to be unbothered as he continues his work and you’re left to fumble over his lingering warmth.

that’s weird. 

so one lovely afternoon, perhaps a week later, mark takes a seat next to you at one of the empty tables with a friendly smile and your stomach actually flutters. maybe it was just the food you ate earlier, you brush it off. but the fact that he chose to sit next to you instead of across from you, or at any other empty table makes your thoughts wander.  

over the course of the next week, you can’t help it when linger your eyes on him- when he shrugs on his lab coat, when he loses his goggles and you have to remind him that they’re on his head, when he… 

shit. why mark of all people? 

what in the actual world, you thought yourself to be way closer with donghyuck than mark. you thought you were perfectly content just being friends. in fact, you weren’t even searching to be in a relationship- especially not one with a co-worker. your only goals were getting enough sleep to survive the next day and working hard at the lab (which so kindly paid you for your internship), so why did mark have to get in the way? you just prayed that the others didn’t notice your sudden weird behavior. 

what are feelings and why do they suck? you didn’t want to do anything about it because, to be frank, you were a coward. if mark didn’t like you back- which is what you believed to be true because you didn’t get any of those vibes from him- then it would be so awkward if and when he rejected you. you didn’t want to mess up your good friendship as it was and for the rest of the group as well.

walking into the building one fall morning, you overhear people talking about the news last night. you frown at the recalling of events, it sucked to turn on the tv and see a failed bombing attempt at brooklyn bridge. apparently, a number of escaped convicts stole firearms and took it upon themselves to start chaos on the bridge. it took spiderman and the police to finally get the situation in control. but still, you shivered at the idea of the bridge possibly collapsing with all those civilians still there. 

strolling into the employees lounge with a fresh cup of coffee, you tap donghyuck on the head. “what’s up, loser?”

he spins around and his eyes fall on the object in your hand. “let me guess, number four?” you softly smack him on the head as he lets out a sound in protest. “it’s my first, thank you very much.”

you pause, taking a sip as you glance around. “where’s jisung and chenle?”

“they went to the lab first,” he answers dutifully. “and mark?” you ask with a frown. 

he sends you a look and you stick your tongue out in retaliation. donghyuck doesn’t say anything though, only answering your question with a shrug. 

mark didn’t show up for the whole day. you found yourself wondering what happened to him, if it had anything to do with the almost accident last night. was he stuck on that bridge when it happened and needed to recover the day after? ugh, you hated how much you spent the day worrying about him. 

as you leave work to get home that night, you send mark a quick text asking if he‘s alright. as you turn the corner, shutting your phone off because it was new york and you were alone by yourself at night, you keep an eye out. some of the stuff you were lucky enough not to be involved in but witnessed… you shivered. 

all of a sudden, a body comes flying out of the store in front of you, completely shattering the glass with a horribly loud sound. you let out a silent scream, hand raising up to cover your mouth as you attempt to discover more about the situation. 

spiderman comes flying out a few seconds after, shooting what you think are his webs at the guy and effectively trapping him. 

you stare, as still as a statue as spiderman finishes his task successfully and swings off into the night, leaving who you guess attempted to rob the poor store webbed up for the cops to handle. 

shaking, you take a few seconds to recover before taking another safer route home, one with more people and less glass windows.. what the actual fuck.

straight up, you didn’t really care for spiderman. sure, you admired his efforts to stop crime and help the city. but all his crypticness got on your nerves a bit and you kinda sorta wished spiderman would stop popping in and out before disappearing again as per usual. but who cared about your opinion, you were just a random civilian in a mid-life crisis. 

mark shows up the next day at work like nothing happened. his sheepish response to your text the day before was that he had a weird one-day cold, and didn’t want to spread it to anyone. obviously, you knew he was lying but you had no choice but to accept it in the moment. one day, you promise with resolve, you’ll find out more about what that man’s hiding. 

even with all his “manly” mysteriousness, you still liked mark. you just didn’t get it. it was just mark. just the same awkward mark who makes the worst jokes at all the wrong moments and is too scared (or too much of a softie to admit it) to kill a fly. as the weeks passed, your feelings only grew stronger- and not weaker as you desperately hoped. and luckily, the only one who seemed to notice something was going on with you was donghyuck, but everyone knew he said the most random shit at times, so thank goodness no one believed a word of out his mouth. 

“i’m heading out, bye guys!” after packing up your stuff, you start to head for the exit after a long day at work. 

“wait!” a familiar voice calls out, and you abruptly stop. mark catches up to you, handing you your jacket, and your eyes widen. 

“oh no, did i leave it? thank you mark,” you grin gratefully. “yeah yeah, no problem.”

he scratches his head. “oh, and be careful going home. the crime reports at night have been rising lately…” 

you nod, feeling a warm sensation fill you. “i will. be safe too.” you could always count on mark to be the caring and thoughtful one. 

as the door shuts behind you, you don’t notice mark quickly say his goodbyes to head out as well. as you stroll down the cracked sidewalks of new york, you note the chilly weather. it’s been getting colder lately, you frown. 

looking up at the night sky, you see a flash of red and blue pass by. immediately you can recognize the pattern. it was strange, after witnessing spiderman at work that one day, you noticed how often you saw him after that. especially at night when you walked home alone, most times when you really stopped to study your surroundings, you swear you would spot him. whether it be out of the corner of your eye or passing by right in front of you, just out of normal speaking distance, spiderman was always there. 

but you never thought you’d have a face to face encounter with the spiderman. on a nice cool saturday, you went walking out to meet up with your science gang for dinner. 

when you hear the oncoming noise of police sirens, you feel the hairs on your arm raise. from somewhere in front of you, sounds of hushed clamor and commotion fill the air. you can’t see much due to a crowd of civilians in front of you, and you determinedly push past to observe the scene. 

it seems you were too late. the police were there and lingering effects of smoke fill your senses. but out of nowhere, a slim figure swings out of nowhere. pleased cheers arise from the crowd around you, and you realize it’s spiderman. 

he speaks to the police for a brief moment before turning to the crowd. you study him up close for the first time, his build and gestures. he turns to the crowd, and you don’t pay enough attention to what he says because his voice is so familiar? 

perhaps not exactly, but the way he spoke reminded you of someone you couldn’t put your finger on. your thoughts are cut off when you realize his eyes are on you (or at least with his mask on you think he was looking at you) and you look around to see that most of the crowd has dissipated while you stood there like an idiot. 

“are you alright, miss?” he speaks with a slight tone of worry, and you blink, startled. you weren’t expecting him to acknowledge you, let alone talk to you. 

the only thing that can come out of your mouth is, “is your suit really spandex?” 

he softly laughs and that laugh makes you frown. it’s slightly muffled but you think it sounds somewhat like- 

“that’s a first. to answer your question, yes and no? it’s actually made up of biogenetically modified synthetic fiber, so i don’t know if you know what that means- wait no, i wasn’t trying to assume your intelligence- um, l-let’s just say a special kind of spandex?” 

gaping, you can only nod in response. since when did spiderman sound so awkward? that wasn’t even a word but it’s the only one you could use to describe him attempting to talk to you about that ‘cool’ suit of his. 

“sorry about that…” you think you hear a hint of embarrassment in his voice and almost chuckle. he cocks his head before asking you for the time. when you respond, he groans, “ah, i gotta go. maybe ill see you around, miss…?”

you fumble, “uhh, y/n’s fine?” why in the world was he asking for your name?

he clicks his tongue, “nice to meet you then, y/n.” in a split second, he’s up and gone. just like that. 

you stand there, staring at the spot he was just in for a few seconds. then you curse. shit, you’re going to be late. 

you arrive at mick’s diner 15 minutes late. after getting caught up in spiderman stuff, you ran to the nearest subway station in hopes of making it on time and obviously, you didn’t. huffing and puffing, you push past the door and look for your friends. 

chenle’s the first to spot you and raise a hand in your direction. the rest follow his action to you with curious eyes. 

“there’s our sleeping beauty,” donghyuck teases and you scowl, sliding into the booth next to jisung. “funny, but this time i didn’t fall asleep. just got caught up in some stuff.”

“stuff?” mark inquires. you cough, “yeah. nothing important.” glancing down at the menu, you fail to notice his tiny frown. 

“anyways,” chenle speaks up, “now that you’re here we can discuss who’s going to present to doyoung for our next monthly update.” 

a series of groans follow, including yours. you steal a sip of jisung’s water before replying, “i did it last time so it’s not going to be me.” 

jisung sighs in disappointment. “when is it, anyways?” 

“the sixteenth,” mark affirms. jisung’s eyes widen, “shoot, i can’t be there that day. can you guys cover for me?”

you glance at him, “what’s going on?” 

“it’s my mom’s birthday. can’t miss it, you know..” he says sheepishly. donghyuck nods then. “alright. it’s between chenle and mark.”

chenle sits up indignantly. “what? why not you?” 

donghyuck leans back in his chair with a relaxed grin. “it’s also my mom’s birthday.” 

you start off with narrowed eyes, “you fucking liar don’t-“ and you stop yourself abruptly. “wait, that’s right. your mom and jisung’s mom share a birthday.”

the table sits in silence for a few seconds. 

jisung clears his throat. “i guess it’s up to rock paper scissors to decide.” mark and chenle glance at each other. within a few seconds, the loser is clear. chenle lets out a dolphin-like shriek in happiness. 

mark looks around the table nervously, “wait guys, i really don’t think you should choose so hastily, maybe we should choose a back up person in case i can’t make it-“

donghyuck shakes his head in disapproval, “nope, nope. sorry but we’ve never done that before. that’s your problem, bro.” 

you know what he means. mark’s always been like that. you wouldn’t describe him as flaky, but he was indeed like that. sometimes he would right next to you and then the next second he was gone without a single word. most of the time, there was no definite reason and if you did happen to ask, he say some dumb excuse on why he had to leave. it happened so much that you supposed everyone got used to it, regardless of how much he apologized after.

it didn’t mean mark wasn’t trustworthy. in fact, he was incredibly hardworking and studious. he did all his work with the rest of the group and showed up on important days, which is what mattered the most. (yet you still wondered what made you fall for him.) 

“it’s alright mark,” you smile comfortingly. “i bet we can pull something together if you can’t make it.” chenle opens his mouth to protest but you shut him down with a glare. 

“if the rest of us got caught up in something, i know you would come through.” mark shoots you a disgustingly sweet smile before reaching over the table and squeezing your hand in thanks, sending a jolt down your spine. the other boys share looks, which you pointedly ignore. 

“you’re the best, y/n. you’re such a great friend, unlike some other guys i know,” he jokes but suddenly you don’t find it funny. 

friend? 

· • —– ٠ ⧗ ٠ —– • ·

at your apartment, you spend your (rare) free days lounging around and binging shows. but after that one encounter, you couldn’t resist a google search. who knew what the internet would pull up about spiderman? 

as you scroll down the search results, there’s doesn’t seem to be much on him. except for the fact that he saved countless lives and the authorities either seem to love or despise him. is there nothing about his personal life? the true identity of the spandex wearing hero? 

you stay up investigating (a normal for you, anyways) but there’s not much you can gather. maybe it’s a project you’ll have to investigate in your own free time. 

funny, how spiderman intrigued you. literally like two days ago, you cared less about him. but after seeing him in person, there was something off. you couldn’t pinpoint a certain thing like you usually could in test results and experiments- it’s almost like everything was so indistinct about him. 

you enter the building with an already half-drunk cup of coffee. your results yesterday night or rather this morning, proved to be fruitless, so you put your side project away for now. 

time to focus on more important stuff… like your team’s latest experiment. why jisung chose amoeba and the rest of you listened to him, you have no clue. 

while examining the latest specimen through your lens, you reach out for the next vial when mark lets out a tiny shout of your name. it’s too late and you partially knock into the beaker of boiling hot water instead of the vial. 

immediately, you yelp as some of the water splashes onto you and mark rushes to your side. he grabs your burned hand, and you feel your face growing hotter than your hand that literally just got burned by boiling water a second ago. 

“are you alright? how bad does it hurt?” he stares at you with such concern in his eyes, it throws you off. you think someone else asks a question in all the commotion, but you either tuned it out or imagined it. 

“oh-um- it doesn’t hurt that much yet,” you mutter helplessly and he frowns while inspecting your hand which was growing increasingly red. 

“come on, let’s get some first aid. it’s going to get worse if you don’t treat it quickly.” 

stunned by his sudden orders, you allow him to basically drag you out of the lab and to the lounge, leaving the rest of the guys to shake their head in disapproval of your idiocy. 

you didn’t even know there was a first aid kit under the kitchen sink, and you make a mental note to tell jisung the next time he causes an accident with that clumsy body of his. 

mark focuses intently on treating your burn, and you focus on not internally combusting at the sight of him caring for you. you really shouldn’t take it the wrong way- he literally addressed you as his friend not long ago, but you really couldn’t help it when his face was two inches away from yours. 

mark finishes with a light smile and scolding. you look down at the floor, half embarrassed and half ashamed. “i was being stupid and not paying attention to my surroundings… sorry for getting you involved in this,” you gesture to your newly wrapped hand. 

he shakes his head firmly. “i should’ve warned you about the hot water beforehand. it’s my responsibility to take care of you. just be careful from now on, alright? you almost gave me a heart attack,” he jokes and you appreciate the switch to a lighter atmosphere. 

“not as bad as the time chenle almost set the entire building on fire,” you add and he laughs. fuck, you couldn’t get enough of making him laugh.

you spend the rest of the afternoon in a daze, constantly fiddling with your wrapped arm and wondering how mark learned to treat burns. throughout the day it takes the others several repeats of your name for you to respond, and donghyuck sends you weird looks (which you ignore as usual). this causes you to stay behind for a little to catch up on your work, but you manage to finish soon after the others. 

locking the door to your lab, you casually stroll down the hallway before hearing familiar voices. you’re about to turn the corner and join in, but you stop when you pinpoint exactly whose it is. 

“i don’t know. i’m just way too busy nowadays.”

mark lee? 

“doing what? come on, are you sure? that’s what everyone says but-“

and a fucking piece of sh- you shake your head, donghyuck? 

“listen, dude. in my current situation, i will never be in a relationship. i just don’t want one, not now and probably not for a while- maybe even forever.”

standing there and overhearing just the tail end of the conversation, his tone of finality was weird- mark never sounded like that to others, especially to his friends.  

and more importantly, the meaning of his words hit you. mark’s single, and he he isn’t interested. not in you, and not in anyone. and there’s a chance that could be forever. 

you quietly grab your stuff and leave through the back entrance, not stopping to hear anymore or give your goodbyes to anyone. 

· • —– ٠ ⧗ ٠ —– • ·

you think the change in behavior is pretty obvious- to everyone including him. 

that night after you overheard mark and donghyuck’s conversation, you stayed up thinking. thinking, more thinking, probably overthinking. you felt numb replaying mark’s words over and over in your head. 

honestly, you should’ve expected it. why would mark be interested in you, anyways? 

and why were you interested in him? the more you thought about it, the more you tried to convince yourself that you didn’t want to be in a relationship either. 

your focus was on your studies, then your work, and it always had been (perhaps that was the problem). your parents raised you with high expectations and you did your best to fulfill them, not get sidetracked by gossiping friends and boys. 

you convince yourself that you’re officially on the track to get over mark, even when you know it’s useless. 

to help your wounded heart, you build an invisible barrier between you and him. sure, you still talk to him and hang out as friends, but the distance was there and the others saw. even if they did notice, no one said anything. you weren’t actually expecting mark to ask you if he did something wrong, looking disappointed and even a little hurt. 

you being you and not ready to tell him the truth, give the lame excuse of being stressed from work and life in general. which, in fact, wasn’t wrong. you had the unhealthy habit of shutting people out when everything got overwhelming. 

then the day of monthly presentation shows up, and doyoung wasn’t in a good mood. donghyuck and jisung take the day off, understandably, as faithful sons to their mothers. 

it’s just you, chenle, and mark. that was the plan- at least, until mark doesn’t show up at the planned time to present. no mark, no presentation, no excuse. 

luckily for your group, chenle was able to make up an impromptu presentation on the spot. it wasn’t good but it was something and you both left feeling somewhat accomplished of your spontaneous work. 

the messages sent to mark are left on delivered. you aren’t surprised. 

when you go to use the restroom before heading home, you faintly overhear your fellow coworkers mentioning spiderman and a prison breakout, couple of hours earlier- and you wonder if it had anything to do with mark’s disappearance. 

it’s only when you leave the building that you see the striking red and blue silhouette perched on the scaffolding next to the oscorp building. what was spiderman doing so close nearby?

most people wouldn’t have spotted him but you realized that you must’ve been gotten so used to seeing him that you subconsciously looked for him every time you left work. suddenly remembering the news from earlier, you clear your throat and approach the masked hero. 

“so…. prison outbreak tonight, huh?”

the figure almost starts as if surprised that you noticed him, and you stifle a laugh. “yeah, yeah. it’s all a part of the usual. new york things, you know.” you nod in agreement and spiderman jumps gracefully down to a lower perch, giving you a better view of him. 

“hey, um, y/n? right? i remember you from last time.”

your eyes widen in shock, you didn’t expect him to remember you but it leaves a satisfied feeling in your gut. “yes- that’s me. funny seeing you here outside my work place.”

he stiffens. “i-i see. this is where you work? 

you examine him in his entirety, never having been so close to spiderman before in the entirety of constantly seeing him on the news and now in front of you. you don’t grasp why you feel so comfortable in his presence. 

you look down, shoe scruffing the pavement. “do you, like, always have conversations with random people in the middle of the night?”

“you’re not a stranger,” spiderman protests, “i even know your first name.” he says it so proudly that you allow yourself to let out a laugh. 

“you’re cool, unlike some other guys i know,” he jokes and it takes a second to process his words before you feel your heart stop. no fucking way. 

no way- it sounded way too familiar to be true. it can’t be. 

but you’re really not stupid.

as all the possible conclusions run through your mind, you feel your heart begin to race- you need to get out of there. 

you clutch your stomach, suddenly woozy. “i-i need to go,” you weakly stutter, not even caring if he heard or waiting for his response before making a run for it. 

· • —– ٠ ⧗ ٠ —– • ·

you can’t sleep. 

and you don’t even know how to explain it, it’s like the missing puzzle piece is finally solved. everything finally makes sense now, and you don’t know if you’re relieved or angry or upset or feeling everything all at once. 

you sit up for the nth time, probably with horrible bed hair and bloodshot eyes.

mark lee is…

spiderman. 

thinking back through everything- from the first day you met him until now, statistically it does make the most sense. it has to be. there’s literally no other explanation or reasoning. 

and you hate yourself for figuring it out. after days of convincing yourself that mark wasn’t all that, that he wasn’t worth your time or feelings, that man was out saving the entire city. risking his entire life for people who don’t know and maybe don’t even care about him- people like you. or at least, until you figured out his identity. 

unless… it was just a complete strange coincidence. unless it wasn’t true and mark was just a part time asshole. but all the times he was “absent” or when he had all those unexplainable bruises, was it actually spiderman business? 

you silently scream, the urge to rip your hair out was so tempting at this point. your poor alarm clock reading 4:32 am acts as witness to your concurrent loss of sanity. 

you called bullshit on mark before, you just didn’t expect him to be such a fucking idiot. 

now that you know, or you think you know, you’re not quite sure what to do. do you… ask mark? no, you wave away dismissively with your hand- that would be stupid, especially if he wasn’t spiderman. 

you decide to pry it out of him. after all, the truth always came out. 

even if it was a little harder than expected. not to mention the fact that things were a little rocky between you and him. 

“hey guys,” you greet while walking into the laboratory. “still up for movie night? it’s been a while since we’ve all gotten together.”

the boys voice their agreement and you squint. this is your chance. 

“what about mark’s place?”

he turns to you, eyebrows raised in slight surprise. “m-mine?” you feign innocence, shrugging with extreme casualness. “i mean, why not? it’s been a really long time since we’ve met at your place.” 

jisung nods, “y/n’s right. i don’t even remember the last time we went to mark’s apartment.”  

“oh, i dunno. it’s super disorganized and messy… at least give me a chance to clean if you guys want to come over.” he scratches his neck and you let out a breath in disbelief. what was he hiding? 

and as much as you tried that night at his place, there were no signs of “spider” activity. 

the next couple of days at work, you bring spiderman up randomly, make spiderman jokes- 

“no offense y/n but it’s kinda like you’re obsessed with the poor dude. i thought you didn’t like him, what happened?” 

you roll your eyes, missing mark stiffening at donghyuck’s statement. “mind your own business, hyuck.” what you really wanted to say was, i think our friend is freaking spiderman. 

but every time you brought him up, mark barely even flinched. either he was really good or you were just being an idiot and your hypothesis was far from reality. 

you’ve just about given it up and called it a day with your whole spider-mark agenda when you exit from the back door of the building. sometimes you took the back way to avoid traffic (and creeps).

huffing out into the chilly air, you don’t even pay attention to your surroundings until shuffling in front of you catches your eye. 

it’s partially hidden by the shadow, but you think you can make out a person-

a shuddering gasp escapes you. 

mark, in all his glory, half changed into that familiar red and blue spiderman suit? 

you were so shocked you completely disregarded the fact that he was half-naked (and luckily for you it was the top half). the noise that sounded from your mouth alerts him, and he scrambles to face you. it looked too legit to be a fake cosplay. 

you gape at him, utterly shocked. no way your guess was actually correct? 

mark fumbles for words, while you find yours. 

“h-how long has this been going on?” you try to keep your tone even, but you feel your hands shaking. when mark doesn’t reply, only opening his mouth wordlessly and looking helplessly back at you, you cross your arms. 

“wow, thanks. great to know.” for some reason, you feel disappointment swirl inside you. you scramble to leave, mind and heart racing probably just as much as his was. 

the more you walked further from mark and the longer you thought about it, the more angry and frustrated you got. how long was he going to keep it from you guys? weren’t you- you swallow- weren’t you friends? didn’t he trust you guys? 

you wish you could feel angry, but that was never an emotion you directed towards mark lee. 

· • —– ٠ ⧗ ٠ —– • ·

the next morning, a lovely saturday morning, your doorbell rings. and it never does. 

groaning, you throw on a comfy nyu sweatshirt and attempt to tame your wild hair, you didn’t want to scare the person at the door. 

you freeze once you peek through the peephole. well, shoot. 

you dash halfway toward the bathroom in hopes of quickly fixing your appearance before thinking, what the hell, this is not the time for that. 

sucking in a deep breath, you open the door for the waiting person outside. you start off awkwardly, “hey…. mark.”

why is he here? you can barely function as he shoots you a sheepish smile, gesturing in towards your messy apartment. he lived in the apartment complex a block down from yours, so seeing him wasn’t uncommon. but in your current situation, you didn’t really expect mark to show up on your doorstep. 

“y/n- hey- i just, uh, wanted to apologize.” you almost choke. “to me? wait, no, what?”

he firmly places a hand on the doorframe next to you, leaning in like he was trying to trap you but there was plenty of space for you to back up into your place. you feel your heart skip a beat. not now y/n, you scold yourself. “listen, now that you figured…” he hesitates and you swallow, 

“now that you know, i realize i owe you an apology.”

you fall still. “im really sorry for not telling you. i haven’t told any of the other guys either, mainly because i’m a coward and didn’t want to see your reactions. but now,” mark shuffles around and his fluffy black hair falls into his eyes, “you know. and i feel a lot better that you do. that, at least someone else does.”

you don’t know what to say. suddenly, you understand him. how hard and scary it must’ve been doing like a five person job as one mere human, constantly in the fight for life or death. you reach for him, softly wrapping your arms around him. you pray he doesn’t notice your pounding heart but knowing mark, he probably did (except he was too nice to tell you). 

“it’s okay mark,” you murmur into his shoulder. “i forgive you and i won’t tell anyone if you don’t want. you don’t have to do this alone.” you note the action of his body slightly tensing before relaxing into your touch. 

you couldn’t help but stay up that night. just thinking. the fact that mark was glad you knew- you clutch your chest. it was stupid, you shouldn’t get your hopes up. you felt like a lovesick teenager again, having a secret just between the two of you. 

what you didn’t realize though, was that mark never planned on telling you. and that was obvious through how he acted towards you after you figured out he was spiderman. it was just that. nothing changed and mark acted as if nothing happened. and you didn’t know what to do. it’s like you raised your expectations to only get crushed again. 

you couldn’t even bring it up, ask mark more about his spider activities because he would always give you that “not here, now now” look. you felt like you were stuck in an empty room with no way out. if not now, then when? 

you asked him to hang out- no response or the ‘sorry, im busy’. and the rare times mark did accept, he was late. sometimes, didn’t even show. you understood his spiderman duties, but you thought conveyed your trust and support in him. isn’t that what he wanted? someone to lean on, someone to be there for him? 

or were you just delusional? 

· • —– ٠ ⧗ ٠ —– • ·

you needed some kind of answer, and if mark wasn’t around to spill, you would find the closest person. literally. 

tapping your pen on the desk, you turn around in your spinny chair to face the only other person in the room. 

“hyuck,” you whisper, tapping his shoulder. he grunts in response. you exhale, “can we talk?”

he doesn’t break focus on the lab reports in front of him, but you can tell he’s paying attention to you by the way his body is slightly turned your way. “depends on what.”

you huff, scooting closer to him. “it’s about mark.” that gets his attention. he sits up straight, eyes narrowing at you. “oh really?”

“not like that,” you respond in exasperation. “don’t you think,” you pause to reevaluate your wording, “that he changed? i’m asking you because you’ve known him way longer than i have, and to be honest i don’t even know him that well.” 

donghyuck raises an eyebrow. “um, sure? why are you-“

“don’t ask,” you interrupt, “just please think about it.” he frowns in contemplation, chair squeaking occasionally in his spot. 

“i guess he did. maybe around a year or two ago?” you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding. he continues, “it wasn’t anything major. mark is still basically the same mark i knew since we were young,” he adds and you nod. “it’s just that a couple of years ago he suddenly- how do i say this- withdrew within himself.” 

“you know about the bruises and stuff, but you might not know about his personality. he was still the same, but it felt like he wasn’t always there 100% anymore, you know? all of a sudden he became so private and busy, doing stuff he wouldn’t tell any of us about. he was either constantly late to our plans or didn’t even show up,” donghyuck muses. “and it’s not like we didn’t try to help. mark just insisted he didn’t need anything, it was some personal stuff that he just had to work through. he’s always been like that, brushing off our help.” 

“and you guys didn’t question it? maybe, try to like figure out what was going on?” you attempt to act as innocent as possible, shrugging and sending him a seemingly curious look. he sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “of course we did try. but that man is so secretive we couldn’t get anything out to him. eventually we just gave up and things are as they are now. he seems okay and we trust him, so...”

you frown unconsciously. then how did you figure it out? to be honest, it didn’t look like mark was that good at hiding it…

you don’t know what to say. a silence fills the air before you clear your throat. “wow, i had no idea. thanks, hyuck.” he shoots you a weird look before nodding. 

“no problem, y/n.” 

· • —– ٠ ⧗ ٠ —– • ·

feeling nervous, you wait outside mark’s door, laptop and research papers in hand. on the contrary, it wasn’t your choice to work with him, it just randomly ended up with you two working together. ignoring donghyuck’s teasing, you and mark made plans to meet up today and get some work done. 

you frown. he hasn’t answered the door, you ring again. and then a third time. 

still nothing. you check the time, yeah it’s the right time you agreed to meet up at. 

you’re about to knock harder when you hear a sudden clamor, crashing and shuffling sounds coming from inside the apartment. “coming!” you hear mark’s faint voice. he sounded frantic, and tired. 

mark opens the door, and you’re greeted by his disheveled appearance. “hey,” he greets, breathless. you want to ask him if it had anything to do with spiderman, but fear holds you back. 

“hi?” he invites you in and allows you to get settled on the couch. “are you gonna sit?” you ask, watching him pick up messy tidbits scattered on his floor.  “yeah-yeah, give me a sec.” 

you open your laptop, starting your work. so far, things seem to be natural between you two and you’re not complaining. soon, mark sits across from you. thirty minutes go by, and when mark shifts for the hundredth time in his spot you let out an irritated sigh and shut your laptop screen. 

“how long are you going to pretend you’re okay?”

mark’s head shoots up, his large eyes blinking back at you. “w-what?”

shaking your head, you get up and stalk over to him. caught off guard, mark only watches as you softly place a hand on his chest and he lets out the tiniest hiss. 

your eyes flash. “you may be a good spiderman but you’re not a good actor, lee.” 

“im fine-“ he starts off, but you shoot a look and he shuts up. you soften, scooting a bit closer. “what happened, mark?”

he grimaces. “do you really want to see? i didn’t have much time since i kind of forgot you were supposed to com-“

you cut him off by asking for the location of a first aid kit. you assumed he had one, and of course you were right. letting out a sigh, you ask him to take off his shirt. you didn’t know much about first aid but…

“whoa- are you sure? it’s not-“

“just do it mark. you’re obviously in pain and im trying to help you.” 

hesitantly and slowly, mark peels off his shirt with your assistance. you barely hold back a gasp at the deep gash across his chest, decorated with bruises of all colors. 

“m-mark, who did this to you?”

he winces a bit at your touch, “i’ve been through worse, and really it’s best not to ask.” you help him lay down on the small couch, the fact that he was shirtless (and to be frank, ripped) was the last thing in your mind as you raced to figure out to treat it. 

while cleaning the wound, you couldn’t help but let curiosity win the upper hand. “does this happen every time? and you treat it yourself?”

mark shifts. “…yeah. sometimes it’s not as bad, and sometimes it’s worse. it always heals fast though,” he reassures. 

you shake your head in disbelief. “but still, how do you do this? and by yourself?”

he lets out a groan when you touch a sensitive part, and you quickly act to soothe him. 

“it’s hard,” he whispers some time after. “it’s a lot and i honestly don’t know how im doing it still. by now, i thought i would be de-“

“don’t say that,” you speak up sharply. he falls silent and you focus on treating the minor cuts and bruises last. 

without any prompting, mark tells you the whole story. how he got started working at oscorp, how he got bit and started as spiderman. you stay there and listen, through all of it. 

it’s not until hours later with lots of reassurance from mark and his supposed advanced healing? that you can finally get him to his bed and rest, wiping the sweat from his head and yours too. 

you sit at his side for a little, just watching the rise and fall of his chest. “i said this before, but you’re not alone.” 

he glances at you. “im here, and i can help. willingly,” you insist. he frowns, “what are you saying, y/n?”

you look around his room, seeing all his tech and data sprawled across the walls and all over the floor. so this is what it was like being spiderman. “i can help you. like, im pretty good at computer hacking and data...” you trail off, unconfident. mark tries to sit up but you won’t allow him. 

“mark, it’s clear you can barely do this alone. think about it, i could help you on the sidelines. obviously not in action because there’s no way i could do what you do, but wouldn’t it make what you do much easier? just like in the movies, isn’t there always like a sidekick?” 

he furrows his eyebrows. “are you trying to-?“ you look away, the sudden confidence fading. 

“no way, y/n! this is completely different, it’s not like the movies at all. being spiderman is a dangerous job, and im not going to get you involved in it!” 

you look away, clutching the edge of his bedsheets. “it’s really late and i have to go now. but mark, please think about it,” you offer before slipping away. 

you had no clue why you offered that. you never even thought of that before, it just kind of popped up in your head and came from your mouth without you realizing it. mark was right, it was stupid. why would you ever want to be spiderman’s sidekick? 

but the more you thought about it, the more you wanted to do it. you were the only one that knew about his secret, his struggles. you wanted to help him- help the people of new york. 

you didn’t want to be one of those people on the sidelines anymore, only watching and never doing. 

· • —– ٠ ⧗ ٠ —– • ·

mark thought you dropped the subject. he saw you at work the next day, as if nothing happened. he felt a lot better, thanks to you- even if he spent most of the night staying up due to what you said yesterday. 

mark believed you were actually crazy. who in their right mind would want to be a sidekick, much less of him, spiderman?

he brushed it off, but you didn’t. at lunch, you brought it up. whenever it was just the two of you, you asked him. and every time, he said no. it was getting annoying. you kept coming up with more and more reasons for you to help mark. to be frank, you were too smart for your own good. 

“listen y/n, no matter how foolproof you think your plan is, the risk is just too big,” mark emphasizes. he was getting tired of putting up a fight against you, and he was tired of how stubborn you were. 

you cross your arms. “but i thought of all the backup plans. if i stay in a safe place with access to help and turn off all tracking devices used to locate me.” mark pinches his nose bridge. 

“since when were you so technologically advanced?” 

“since when were you?” you counter. smiling, you pull up data on your phone and show it to him. “at your place that night, i might’ve snooped through some of your spider tech and analyzed it.” 

his eyes practically bulge. “you what?”

you shrug innocently. “it was really cool, the software was nothing like i’ve seen before, but i have some ideas. only….” you draw on, “if you let me help you.”

it was only then that mark learned you never stopped until you got what you wanted. 

· • —– ٠ ⧗ ٠ —– • ·

“what do you think?”

you sit at the makeshift desk, a messy and dysfunctional one, but at least it worked. you watch the big screen, following the familiar icon.  

“…it’s not so bad.” the voice grudgingly sounds through. you grin. “great! you can hear me. oh, and take the next left around the block. i think there’s some sort of incident on the corner- some reckless guys with guns.”

you hear unfamiliar sounds, probably mark swinging through the air as spiderman. you would never understand how he got used to that. “not too shabby, y/l/n.” 

“does that mean it’s official?” you basically tremble in your seat, holding your breath in anticipation. 

there’s a pause on the line. albeit the reluctance in his tone, you can almost see the smile on mark’s face, underneath the mask. “i guess so.”

you can’t help but silently cheer in your seat, feeling the excitement coarse through your veins. 

“im ready if you are, partner.”

release: july 4 2022

send an ask/dm to be added to the taglist!

[d-dalladalla]

for one of your fics can you maybe write fuckboy! ryujin going over the top to win over the reader since she’s so skeptical of ryu’s reputation? like reader plays hard to get and that just drives ryujin crazy bc no one has ever turned her down?

I love this idea so much oh my god <33333

You had been aware of Ryujin and more importantly her reputation since you start college but it wasn't until later in the year that she noticed you.

Yeji had invited you to her frat party, she was nice, let you borrow a pen, and ate lunch with you so why not? you deserved a fun night out since it was such a hard semester.

You weren't even in the house for more than ten minutes, less than two drinks in you when Yejji excused herself to the bathroom and you felt someone tap your shoulder, turning and coming face to face with the girl everyone told you to avoid.

She complimented you, called you pretty, played with your hair and you swiftly shut her down and Yeji came to your rescue, Ryujin flipping her off for being such a cockblock her words not yours as she left.

You had only ever had one relationship before and he treated you like shit and you decided college would be a new start for you, you wouldn't jump into relationships so quickly, you indeed weren't built for one-night stands and you just wanted to be treated right. You were sure your knight in shining armour was not the resident fuckboy.

She went straight home after your rejection, she wasn't even in the mood to find another girl. You had set something off in her. She already knew you, Yeji was her friend too and would gush about how cute and smart you were, scrolling through your Instagram while Ryujin peeked over her shoulder.

She lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to build back up her shattered ego. She took her phone out and went straight to Instagram, typing in your username and clicking on your profile, she was enamoured with you. Your most recent post was a few minutes ago, Yeji and you at the party still, then she scrolled down again, you out with some people she didn't know, then down again and again until she was back nearly a year.

You were in your senior year of high school, at some football game and dressed in the cheer uniform. God, you looked good and she went to zoom in on you in the group photo and ended up double clicking.

She left a like, on a photo of you, from a year ago.

She didn't even follow you and knew you were going to see it, even if she unlikes it, she unlikes it anyway. Throwing her phone across the room and burying her face in her pillows.

You didn't see the notification for another few hours and you thought nothing of it, Yeji warned you about her friend, you could tell she was nothing but trouble. Yeji wanted the best for you and a quick fuck wasn't it.

It was a full month of Ryujin's flirting and you barely responded to her, trying to hide your blush successfully. She had begged and begged and begged down on her knees for Yeji to reveal your schedule. She is ashamed of that but she really wanted to see you again, she's Shin Ryujin, girls don't say no to her.

So after Yeji gave in and told her, there she stood outside your last class of the day, propped up against the opposing wall and waited until you came through the door.

You didn't even see her at first, glancing upwards and assuming she was here for another girl but when you started to walk down the hallway your wrist was grabbed and yanked backwards.

"Wow! what the fuck?!" You almost yelled and pulled your arm back like she was burning you. You went to turn back again when she just stared at you, 'What a weirdo' you thought to yourself but she panicked and stood in front of you.

"Seriously Ryujin? what do you want?" You groaned out. You looked up at her and she was blushing. This was getting so weird but you continued to widen your eyes and gesture your hands to get her to speak.

Ryujin was just trying to get over the fact you knew her name.

She composed herself and ran a hand through her hair, reasons being half for nerves and half being she knew girls like it. You did too but there was no way in hell you would give that away.

"Why did you tell me no at the party? You straight or something?" it came off as a joke but she desperately needed to know.

"first off I'm not straight and second off," you jabbed a finger into her chest, "I want an actual relationship and there's no way in hell I will be another notch in your belt."

'Oh god she's touching me' Ryujin didn't actually know what was happening to her.

But before she could pull herself together you had already walked off down the hallway and out of sight.

Back to your Instagram, it was, it was one in the morning, two months ago she would've been balls deep in some random girl right now, but oh how far had she fallen.

She was in her bed, scrolling through your posts, your likes, and your tags to find out what you liked. She got a few things already, you liked flowers specifically roses, you liked Autumn, dogs, and milkshakes and she kept adding to her list.

--------------------------------------------

She was outside your class again, a bouquet of roses in her hands as she nervously fidgetted with the cuffs on her hoodie, you stopped in front of her, it was quite adorable how nervous she was, so you thought you'd at least let her speak.

"Yes?" you spoke and her eyes flickered up to you from the ground, she took a moment before starting.

"Oh um, I just wanted to give you these," she pushed the roses towards you and you hesitantly accepted them, taking a step back as she took one forward.

"Ryu-"

"Go on a date with me." she interrupted you, her cheeks flushed red and her eyes looking everywhere but you. You just smiled to yourself, you could feel a blush creeping up your cheeks.

"I didn't think you were the type to date Shin." you teased.

"Well I am now, and I want to take you out. Yes or no?" She was more confident this time as she spoke, maybe it was the lack of eye contact.

"You got one date to impress me okay?" You took your phone out and presented your number to her as she hurriedly took out her own and dialled the numbers.

"Yes, thank you!" she ducked her head down to give you a quick kiss on the cheek before disappearing down the hallway.

[acedreamur]

I’m feeling silly and ima just- time to post about MY VER of “if Vincent survived the fire” or shortened to STF

STF vince has cut down on his smoking, he isn't addicted anymore due to having hospitalized for a while and unable to do any packs! He also wears layers over his body and hands so it's less uncomfortable Being his hands are burned - his hard to do things without it feeling weird He is working to upgrade his bistro, and im planning on like Adding a few other characters be he's gonna have a bigger waiting staff - bring its gonna be a bigger establishment His chefs still work for him

His chefs still work for him - cherrie is loyal as hell so definitely not leaving He never got over his love for rody,he feels resentment for what rody did to him- but he just couldn't let go of the man He hasn't seen him in ages- but he sometimes wonders what in the world he's doing now Thoughts lke "Is he happy with what he did to me? Does he think im dead and is happy with it?"

He wears his glasses all the time now- he is half blind so he just, does now. He can't afford to not see well,so he keeps them on They aren't used to Vince with glasses or-even the scars In the back, he wears long sleeved shirts instead and thick gloves-Vince stutters on his words and his voice is a little fucked up and raspy due to rody cutting his throat with a bottle

Talking for a long time hurts his throat, he is still trying to fix some things about himself He isn't as harsh on his employees Other than remmie. Remmie is remmie. He learned his lesson about keeping his house with his establishment He lives only a few minutes away from the new place He walks home Why?

Bc he thinks it's good for strengthening his mussles again And it is So he keeps doing it In the rain? Umbrella. But whenever he is out in the rain- he's reminded of the moment when he had to dry rody off and give him an umbrella-He enjoys the rain on his skin, it's cooling and nice He's taking care of himself only to try and get back to proper health to do more So he isn't as scrawny (He still hates eating but he forced himself to)

Vince involuntarily twitches out of random, his nerves are a little messed up and it's most likely the thing to happen 1 Like to believe rodys tie slipped off his neck during the struggle and Vince still had it even fit is a little burnt Complete opposites in healing omfg

Every Valentine's Day vince will mutter under his breath or think "happy birthday rody" and continue on with his day be he's a sad sorry ass He just wanted love man Hm.. How does rody feel that he killed a man over so hard that he needed to get hospitalized and almost died Bookie if anyone foudn that it was you you'd be put behind bars bookie i EVEN IF IT WAS YEARS AGO

Vince doesn't make an effort to style his hair much,he just doesn't care about his physical appearance anymore He knows he's already physically fucked up so he just, does the bare minimum He also sleeps a lot more,just - trying to stop himself from thinking about rody

-Vince keeps his head low when he's out, he doesn't like to be crowded- somehow- it works. And he's just glad he's short enough to walk without being spotted from a mile away. He still puts up a optimistic, really kind demeanor outside the bistro,but he drops it and just, he's kinder- but just- a little uptight He doesn't like getting into relationships still,he still has his heart for rody but is trying to push it back and away He mutters to himself something of the such when he starts thinking about him "he hurt you for a reason."

Vince has a mini heart attack when he sees male gingers - He wishes he could get another hug like he did once before Sooo He hugs himself to sleep He always has something in the background when he's trying to rest, usually a song

Baby I'd give you a hug

[deathsbestgirl]

so some of my medical history:

lyme disease when i was 10

mono right after (one kid i was never near in the county had it)

a weird ass contagious skin disease that was very contagious so i couldn't go to school (easily treatable) that no one else in the county had

diagnosed with a type of arthritis when i was 15 (the "treatment" didn't help)

i've had 4 surgeries for cysts (ganglion cysts both wrists, left side lypoma, cholestiatoma in my left ear)

tubes in my ears 3 times

2 surgeries to replace the bone in my left ear (i'm HOH)

MRSA my freshman year of college (not allowed at school)

junior year? i started getting treated for chronic lyme (controversial) was on multiple antibiotics for 4 years, went gluten free, no sugar, very little caffeine, got cdif (colitis) (almost died) had to stop that route. tried chinese medicine (garlic & herbs) was taking chlorophyll with too much copper, got copper poisoning & almost died (when my dad was first diagnosed with cancer no less) stopped that course too. (also did a whole miserable diet that i can't even talk about bc i really like food & that also almost killed me bc i didn't want to eat ever)

did acupuncture for years, that was the MOST helpful. she improved my period, helped make my diet tolerable, improved my pain & migraines by leagues, etc etc

pretty sure i have pots, maybe eds but i haven't tried to get diagnosed because ... i hate doctors with a burning passion. my biggest problem now is fainting & allergies lol and liquid iv & compression socks have actually made the biggest difference. used to survive on gatorade & pedialyte. and i need to go back to acupuncture

i'm always in pain (muscles, joints literally all of them) but you learn to live with it. and my very helpful doctors told me to ignore that pain when i was 15 & said fatigue was normal. so um. yeah

i feel like i've buried most of the memories, like they were years ago at this point but they feel like another life sometimes.

it's so isolating and if i didn't have two really good friends at home when i left college, i don't know how i would have made it. they would come over basically everyday and we'd watch tv & hang out, they'd make sure i ate & help me clean etc etc (i had the downstairs apartment if my parents house most of the time and *thankfully* my family was always helpful & understanding, my mom fought so hard for me) my mom & my friends could tell how i was feeling without my having to saying a word about it.

it absolutely kills me every time i read about what others deal with when they have chronic illnesses because that just. is not how anyone should be treated when they're sick & in pain. i remember being 15 and the whole world telling me "you can't be sick all the time" like literally yes you can you dumb fucks. again, thankfully i had some great teachers who made so many allowances for me (letting someone leave class early with me because i couldn't walk or carry my stuff but i had no aids or plan with the school. sometimes teachers that weren't even mine let a friend leave their class. one teacher didn't make me read a tale of two cities because i missed the whole unit) i had another friend going through hell. she has crohn's disease and she almost went blind and it took a long time for her to get diagnosed too.

one of those days i'm just mad at the world. this post doesn't really have any purpose other than to say listen to disabled people, especially the ones in your life. and if you can help them then you should. it's isolating & exhausting & painful in so many ways. people shouldn't lose friends because of their health. they shouldn't be guilted because of their health. health isn't an achievement, it isn't something you can control even if you do everything you possibly can. some things we just have to live with.

[thekuraning]

Waaah, could I please have 8, 24, 25, 33 and 38 for the writing ask? 😍

XHAJHSDGHA thats SO MANY 😭 (ty friend!!)

I dont know when to shut up so im puttinf them under a readmore

8. How slow is a slow burn?

I am so bad as accurately pacing a fic so this is something that. Is hard to say. But I think there's no hard limit to how short or long a slow burn actually is. What makes something a slow burn is a combination of 2 criteria: a) the length of time the story takes place over, and b) how long it takes for the reader to get from plot point to plot point. If you consider something like Romeo & Juliet, it takes place in-universe over the course of like a couple days, and you are constantly moving from story beat to story beat since the work is meant to be enjoyed in one presentation. It's complex and moving, but I think we all can agree it's not a slow-burn, more of a sudden explosion lol. Some people may think that sitting around 20k words it's not a short work, and for a play it's average (about 2 hours) but it's only 1/5 the length of a standard novel! (100k)

But if we imagine Romeo & Juliet taking place over say 4 months, and each 5000 words is a moment where he's come to Juliet's window one night each month, and nothing else about the story is different, the entire tone changes to something longer and drawn-out. In fact, I think it's probably possible for a skilled author to write a convincing long burn in 10k words or less if the internal and external pacing of the story is right. I also think it's probably possible to write a slow-burn that takes place within one universe day, but I think the pacing for that would require more words.

In reality, slow burn just needs to feel long, even if it isn't actually long.

24. Thoughts on flashbacks/flash forwards.

GO. FUCKING. WILD. Make time your bitch. Laugh at the linear progression of cause and effect. Storytelling is this weird abstraction where all of time exists at once and won't ever exist again. A well-placed flashback or flash forward will enhance the story by revealing hidden motive, establishing dramatic irony, or building anticipation. Be fucky with time. It's already fake and gay—with your help, we can make it faker and gayer! 🫵

Naturally, like any trope or tool, there's always a time and place when a flashback or flashforward is most effective, and sometimes it won't be. But as long as it doesn't feel pointless, as long as it feels like it's a scene we need, they're great to use! I started really playing with time and flashes in Maelstrom fic because of the villain, and it's the funnest thing even in relatively minor jumps of minutes or hours. DON'T BE AFRAID TO USE FLASH JUMPS THEY ARE GOOD AND FUN!!! 👍👍👍

25. Is writing the whole thing beforehand better or worse than writing it as you go?

I wish I was the kind of person who could write the whoke thing beforehand, because I think that + careful editing really is the best way to create a cohesive, well-balanced narrative but right now i just... dont work like that lol. I feel like i have to be extra diligent in keeping track ofnplot threads and potential holes and such. But on the other hand I think I prefer it this way because I get a lot of good feedback on what's working via comments! Especially in long running fics like Maelstrom or Zubat Fangs I refer to comments a lot when trying to decide how hard to hit certain plot points. I'm always open to (polite) constructive criticism on my fics bc of that!

33. Give your writing a compliment.

I think my writing brings people joy :) in all sorts of ways! My silly writing, my angsty writing, my gorey writing.... it all makes someone's day a little better at some point, and I take a lot of pride in that. I can also look back over the years and see how much my skills have improved since I uploaded my first fanfiction decades ago, which I think I still have on a floppy somewhere lol.

I've gotten so confident that I'm starting to more and more seriously consider working on my original fiction and well 😬 I'd like to publish something professionally. Even if I only self-pubklish an e-book or smth. I think I'm about there!!!

38. "This never happened" fix-it fics or "this happened but" fix-it-fics.

Definitely "this happened but" fix-its. I got my start in pokemon fics naturally and one thing you never see the end of are "Ash is a better trainer and never got pikachu" fix-its which. I mean. Eh. Sure. There's nothing wrong with that per say but like. To me it's the same as writing a coffee shop AU. You're telling a different story conpletely. And of course there's degrees, because sometimes the change is smaller and what that means is the story is basically the same. Idk. There's nothing wrong with that but it doesn't make me excited. "Yes BUT" feels like its adding onto something, not just altering it. 🤔

Thanks again friend!! This was fun!! 🥺

[mandareeboo]

Courtney looking up instead of down when dreaming about hell could just be a joke on how people usually look up when singing about their dreams, but what if Courtney’s just subconsciously reaching towards “home” instead of hell. Meaning heaven since she might be a fallen angel

I've been thinking about it a lot, and the more I think the more convinced I am that Courtney is from heaven, or purgatory, or one of the above, and she's simply lying about it to avoid endangering herself. Evidence:

Episode 1: she keeps referring to everyone around her as "fellow demons" but is clearly in another league. She can speak human language, smth we've only seen royals and Hox do. She tries to keep a running commentary with Temeluches. When Temeluches is sealed she's scared of retribution; but why specifically her? There's a whole house of demons. And we see in-show that no one seems to notice Temeluches is gone- they know he's in the neutral plane, but that's it. Could be bc her sealing didn't work tho.

Episode 3: her greatest fear is "not getting home". But she IS home in the vision. She's in hell. In a cage, granted, but in hell. Gives me vibes that she's going to hell to serve out her "punishment" before going Home-Home.

Episode 4: her cuffs block her from the elevator entirely. She can't go up or down. Why would a banished "demon" need to be locked away from Upstairs? If anything, you'd think they'd WANT her up there to get obliterated by angels. Forcing her onto the neutral plane when we know purgatory exists is weird.

Episode 8: Courtney roots for villains, but never Temeluches. You'd think her loyalties would lie with demon royalty, but she never shows interest in global domination. She admires Pauline for cheating the system and is quick to believe her when she says she can take her home.

Episode 9: Whoo boy there's a lot um. The entire song? Courtney clearly doesn't know what demons get up to- she wonders if how they dress and what they eat in her books is REAL. She claims she's "every sin", which if you were a born demon really shouldn't matter- also says demons (like her) deserve to burn. Reaches for the heavens, but that might've been a gag. She tells Barney and Pugsley she "belongs" down below. Her understanding of hell seems very limited, assuming it's one big punishment fest, when we see it's more like a city with extra fucked up nonsense on the side.

There's also the fact that Courtney's wish to go home seems to skyrocket after meeting the gang- she was waiting for Temeluches for 1,000 years, but once she makes friends it's like she can't leave fast enough. It reads as self-punishment to me. Or maybe she wants to speedrun her punishment. Upon realizing it's not what she expected, she gives up and returns.

"I can't go home ever!" when she's been promised to return to hell also feels sus.

(Not episode related but is the only creature we've met seemingly able to seal a possession and do the teleport thing. Idk about the first but we saw the angel do the latter).

When Zagan reveals they're angel cuffs Courtney is confused, not surprised. If she wasn't aware of her background you'd think that'd be a shock and terror moment. Gives me the vibe that when they were placed they lied to her so she wouldn't try to get revenge.

Episode ten: Temeluches offers her diplomatic immunity. Why??? She didn't attack Zagan OR Temeluches. She barely spoke to the first and talked down the latter. But Courtney seems to consider it for a moment, so it's not just bullshit.

This is reaching but the emphasis on the "Pugsley, trust me" also makes me think Courtney might have said smth along the same lines a 1,000 years ago, and either failed or didn't fulfill that promise.

"Families are hard. Don't worry about it." seems to refer to Courtney HAVING a family. The case could be made it's towards Norma, Pugsley, and Barney, but Courtney's never been able to call them family before with her own emotional issues.

TLDR: yeah I'm buying ham-fistedly into this theory. My working idea rn is that the reason the angel is wearing that weird suit in the finale is less of a "be not afraid" concept (it wasn't talking to humans after all) and more bc angels are easy to corrupt when exposed to things outside of their plane. Aka if their suit breaks they turn into what Courtney is. And smth happened that busted Courtney's suit, so she was banished and told they were demon cuffs to keep her busy.

[flowering-thought]

Ah yes, procrastination! Hehe, I also deal 🤝

Anyways, I shall now detail my painfully awkward stories to you lol:

(I don't really know how to put these in order, so it might come out as a jumbled mess (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧)

1.) So, this one comes to mind first as it is unfortunately burned in my brain *cries* So! I used to have a HUGE crush on this guy that I worked with (I was wondering at a subway at the time) and because I had a crush on him, I happened to be shy and somehow kinda clumsy around him. And because of that shyness, I would find it hard to talk to him without stuttering or blushing. Normally, it wouldn't be so bad but he just so happened to also be shy and socially awkward like me. (Usually I always shy and quiet at first, until someone talks me out of my shell. Then I'll gradually open up and become more "extroverted" around them) Anyways, as you could imagine, there was a lot of terrible awkward silences. AND, bc we worked together, I had to deal with it. There was this time specifically where we got a large online order, and it was just the two of us, so I come up there to help him. Because the store we worked at was so small and cramped, we didn't have much room so we had to work side by side. Bc of that, to me, it felt like we were uncomfortablely close, and I kept accidentally bumping into him. Compare that with awkward silence, and I just wanted to disappear all together. He got a better job somewhere else not long after, but I always wondered if he thought I was some weird quiet kid or if he felt the same way I did. Idk

2.) Oh! So a few years ago (around 4) I went down to the lake that was kinda local to where I lived during summer every day for like a week straight. I happened to meet a boy who was two years younger than me (I'm only 21 now so I was a lil bebe then hehe(17)) He came up to talk to me, and was really polite and chatty too so I actually felt really comfortable hanging with him while there. He coincidentally happened to be there almost every day I was there. So it didn't take long for me to open up. Anyways, summer ended (obvi) and I continued about my life as it was. Time Skip! Up until fairly recently, I had completely forgotten about meeting him at all. Haha yes, so I was going grocery shopping when I met him again since he worked there. Only, I had NO IDEA who he was. (I found out he was also a local lol) Anyways, I walked in and he was kinda staring at me. And I felt super uncomfortable bc I felt like I was supposed to know him or something. So I kinda glanced over and ignored him until I had to check out. I didn't recognize him because he apparently hit a major growth spurt. Well I got to check out and he was like "do you really not remember me?" and I awkwardly shook my head no. To which he replied "we met at the lake a few years ago remember?" I felt so bad for not remembering lol. But luckily he was super nice, and all ended well.

3.) (This one isn't a story, but just a compilation of my ✨anxious habits✨)

*I can't tell people no, instead I talk circles around a "maybe" or a "next time"

*I genuinely worry if I make people feel uncomfortable bc I'm always a little awkward

*I can't stand awkward silences, so that leads me to ramble

*Crowded places are draining

*I'm always fidgeting with something when I'm nervous like my hair or necklace

*During the rare times I do actually have guests I'll anxiously spoil them with treats like food, drinks, etc.

*(insert general introvert things here)

That's all I can think of rn anyway. I hope it helps 💖

~🥀

Omg sorry I've been kinda hoarding this ask cause I relate wayyyy too much ʕ•ω•ʔ

🥀 I completely feel you with those anxious habits too 👩‍🦯👩‍🦯. If I feel like I somehow made someone uncomfortable I automatically go to apologize out of habit.. And a really bad habit of picking at my nails to the point it actually kinda hurts- but I've been trying to stop cause it kinda sucks after a while when your finger tips hurt yk?

But yeah social anxiety and just anxiety in general can lead to a lot of awkward conversations or interactions 😔 Sometimes I've been so completely oblivious to people attempting to interact that it leads to awkward silence lol- doesn't help I have a chronic RBF that makes people think I hate them ;-;

[papirouge]

More women are talking about the pain of iud insertion so I hope this brings up the topic of just why do girls have to do this in the first place. We don’t and shouldn’t honestly. I never had an iud but every girl I know who had talked about how they threw up, fainted, needed excessive pain killers. And no surprise, pain killers were denied to most black women. This isn’t right

Also babe, was that a screenshot from lolcow on your last post lol I was gonna say you’d probably like LSA too if you haven’t visited there

I remember (a long) time ago when I was considering getting contraceptives of an IUD. I've always been scared of pills (cancerigen) but non hormonal ones seems less harmful. Thankfully I had a classmate who has one and she told me she had struggled quite a lot with it (irregular bleeding, cramps even out of the periods time, etc) so I eventually gave up.

So yeah, contraceptives are a big no to me.

And yes, that was a screenshot of lolcow lol Touché !

I've been doomscrolling on it since yesterday day. I have a love-hate relationship with this website bc the most retarded takes coexist with the most hilarious & based takes.

For example they'll go off against aging scrotes dating younger women, but have a weird obsession with an actor (don't remember his name, he was the Scarlet Witch brother in Avengers 2: Age of Ultron) dating (and marrying) a 42 years old woman who groomed him on the set of a movie she directed when he was still 17 years old... For some reason they are simping hard for him and say how jealous they are of her and seethe at every comment saying how creepy this age gap/grooming situation was. These femcel truly believe female groomers is a progress towards sex equality/a dunk against patriarchy....smh Btw that predator got pregnant a year later after they 'started' the relationship (so he was 18). They call her a queen for leaving her husband and 2 children (who were around her new boyfriend age) and getting a hot new thing.... Typical femscrote behavior

Oh and there are also stupid Amber Heard stan who are still seething at Deep lmao who else is gonna tell them that as problematic and ugly Depp was, their deranged queen has still chosen to date him? 💀 Whenever they go like "DePp iS nOt gOnNa fUck yOu" we should clap back: "I know, Amber did it instead" 🙃 This self burn will never not be funny imo lmaoo

The tinfoil thread is interesting too. I got some new ammo about the Hunter Biden case (100% he's a pedo and a bunch of his files that are hidden are incriminating him on this). I got some nice tea and pics evidence so I like lurking on it to build up my #papiconspiracy archive. I had no idea he was rumoured to have preyed on Malia Obama 🥴 (in the leaked files, there are pics of coke lines with her Goldman Sachs card lol)

And yes I occasionally browse LSA but I this website can be so frickin stupid at times....

I remember that thread about the Smiths kids and OP asking why they weren't mainstream and ppl were like so weirdly defensive about them whenever ppl replied they weren't liked bc they were nepo kids and these girls were like "every other races is ok with nepotism so why is that a problem with Black people!!!" and I my eyes literally rolled out of my head at that strawman because THE HATE OF NEPOTISM IS SHARED BY ALL DEMOGRAPHICS. NO ONE likes nepo kids, period. Why are the Kardashians unanimously hated? the Hadids? actors from celebrities parents (doesn't one of Stranger Things girl gets crap for having a celebrity actor parent)?? That's the thing that irks me the most in LSA: whenever a bad behavior in the Black community is pointed out, there are always people who are like "bUt tHe wHitEs dO tHat tOo!!" k?? AND?? If the Whites collectively throw themselves out of a window does that mean it's ok for Black people to do that as well?? Truly shows the weird inferiority complex of these folks who use Whites as some sort of reference.... The people in the Smith thread were acting so smug pointing out that Black ppl were hypocrite bc we pretend rooting for Black people but were not here for these (nepo) kids.....as if someone Black was enough for us to blindly support them regardless of their background 🫠 they really took the Issa Rae meme a tad too far.....

So yeah LSA can be funny but is also super retarded in the same time. That's why I very seldomly go there. I like going there to know at what time US Black women are💅🏾

[skullshoal]

Very long post about reading don’t burn me on a stake please also

i read gideon the ninth (and harrow the ninth) last year bc people i follow were drawing stuff about it that got me interested and they were such good books and i remembered how much i love reading and how i hadn’t read in like. 5 years lol. So i’ve been trying to read more. I’ve really struggled with finding new books though. I used to just walk into a library and find something on the shelf and enjoy it but that feels impossible in the adult fiction section. Like half the adult fiction is boring. And my local library is organized...like a nightmare. idk there are just like all different types of fiction mixed together and it feels impossible to like wander into a subsection of a genre bc next to one book that seems ok is 4 about being like prairie farmers or some shit you know. I tried to use like online suggestions for books similar to gideon in genre but 99% of them the library doesn’t have and after checking out like 2-3 books that seemed really interesting but then i just couldn’t get into and stay interested in i just kinda gave up.

so anyway. I decided recently bc i really like reading to reread my fav children’s series since i own all of them, fablehaven. I read the first one and still really enjoyed it! It’s not...free of problems. I have been trying very hard to be a lot more conscious with how I read. When I was a kid i didn’t even know racial stereotypes put on fantasy races was like. a thing. I was very sheltered from fantasy writing and movies (raised catholic) and while i’m only half white my white mom raised me mostly in a white school in white southern american culture so like. I just. Didn’t even know. I didn’t know gay people existed until middle school. I didn’t know trans people existed until highschool. But anyway my point is like. racially charged and transphobic and homophobic depictions completely went over my head this is not excusing them obviously i have learned but like. idk. anyway.

So i’ve been trying to pay attention to how the creatures and people are described and decide for myself if it’s bad and I think the hardest part is trying to decide if a normal racial description is like. Weird? Charged? The books are written by a white person and centered on two white kids and their family. Their are supporting poc characters. I don’t think they are handled incredibly well to be honest. The first book has their grandparents house keeper Lena who is Asian and mostly its fine besides the occasional hmmmm that’s really weird! Example she just like offhandedly says her dead husband was of the “Asian persuasion” ie fetishizing Asians. I’m probably a third of the way into the second book and their is a Samoan character. I think I struggle with knowing what crosses a line and what doesn’t. The character is a potion maker and is generally treated with respect i think??? The descriptions of goblins are probably racist. They aren’t “greedy” but they do have close to the stereotypical goblin physical description. Most of the other fantasy creatures when they are “evil” or something are described as bad for not racially ambiguous reasons like inhuman limbs and sores and smells. I feel like even though I’m reading a children’s book i am literally terrible at reading subtext. It’s hard to come to terms with that. I have dyslexia and autism but i was always told i was good at reading until i became an adult and realized I am actually just kind of OK at reading. I am good at literary analysis according to school but I don’t feel like I am. Idk where this is going mostly I just wanted to get my thoughts down because they have been mulling over in my mind while i read these books. i Am still enjoying the books. I bought and read them a long time ago and have basically forgotten most of the plot. I like fantasy and i LOVE fantasy that says magic exists hidden in our world like fablehaven and percy jackson. anyway. If you read this thanks i love you. please don’t be mean to me this blog is my personal diary

[dragonsandvideogames]

hello! i am starting this blog mainly for art- i predict about 90% of it will be reblogged art, usually of animals or video game stuff. i'll also be sharing my own art and talking about video game stuff occasionally, mainly my genshin impact challenge runs. yes runs plural. i have 3 currently, alongside my main account. more about them under the cut further below.

my current art style is just space with planets. mildly cartoony i think? def not realistic, but i think it's pretty (im a sucker for space, though i'd be terrified to actually go up in a space ship or anything- im content to admire from afar lol).

planning to share art on a MWF schedule- i can make the space art p quick and easily, so i need some sort of limiter so i don't burn myself out, while also practicing sticking to a schedule and also just doing art more frequently- im extremely rusty atm. hoping getting into the habit of drawing more often will shake off the rust and bolster my confidence.

i also like to use free stock photos as a sort of cut-out guide to make animal shapes out of space. it's fun and pretty painless- im used to spending hours getting angry at myself for not being able to free-hand anatomy, to the extent i stopped drawing for i think about two years now? cause i just hated everything i tried to make. rn i just wanna get used to drawing again without getting so angry with myself, and then slowly work on free-handing again.

oh, and! if you're doing a genshin challenge run, feel free to ramble to me about it! i love genshin challenge runs- i've got several im keeping tabs of on yt, and several more i wanna catch up on. aand question- what's your pulling plans for this upcoming patch?

on my main, im at i think 53 pity on 50/50, gonna try to pull xianyun. my most hoped for result- lose 50/50 to tighnari (or jean, ill take jean too), then spend a few 10 pull to get xianyun while getting faruzan and noelle to c6. overly hopeful maybe! i'd also be happy to win 50/50 too, of course. not getting the 4 stars c6 would sting a little, but it's more primos for future banners (already have nahida so once i get xianyun im done pulling).

challenge run #1 is a standard banner only account. it's the furthest along by a long shot, having been started several months ago, but bc it's a more casual account, im thinking it'll get overtaken fast. currently post act 1 of inazuma, with level 60 characters, almost ready to upgrade them to 70.

originally planned to not pull at all til i got all the free characters up to 90 and fully built, and then had a realization that was kinda incompatible with how i was playing- there just keep being more and more free characters, and it's a slow paced account that im mostly using to replay story stuff when i feel like. so now i just do pulls whenever.

i feel like the game mildly punished me for that decision, bc out of 200+ pulls, i got. 3 5 star weapons and a diluc (who im not really interested in playing atm, though i DID get wolf's gravestone. so im on the fence). and then a little while ago, i got qiqi. i had been really, really hoping for tighnari, or at least. pretty much anyone else? keqing, jean, and dehya i'd have been fine with. don't really want mona, so i'll probably end up getting her next. or another weapon :P

next is dark hair only, where yeah. i only play characters with dark hair. i just started less than a week ago now, so very young account. i judge who has dark hair using medibang's color picker on the character' hair in their icon (ignoring shadows and highlights), since it's neutral lighting. any character who stays generally at or under 100 value counts as dark haired.

some characters were hard to judge bc gradients- shout-out to mona for being a weird edgecase- the purples in her hair are definitely too light, and most of her roots are in shadow or covered, so it's hard to get a good read. i'm thinking she will count though- if for no other reason than, there's literally only 13 other characters that count currently.

all who are currently allowed in dark hair only- amber (this one caught me off-guard ngl), beidou, dehya, kaeya, mona, tighnari, venti, wanderer, wriothesley, xiao, xinyan, yelan, yun jin, and zhongli. surprisingly, raiden shogun, xiangling, and kujou sara don't actually make the cut-off- they're all generally just a little bit above 100.

xianyun and gaming's icons aren't officially released yet, so while i expect they'll make the cut-off, im still not gonna count them quite yet.

last account, which i finally got going yesterday, is signature weapons only. simple enough for most of the limited 5 stars- and with xiao coming up, this is the best time to start, since PJWS is also a standard banner weapon. ganyu's also a must-pull for this account for similar reasons.

as far as four stars and five stars without signature weapons, my first thought was "whichever weapon they used in their character miscellany". and then i actually checked, and dear mercy, there is. 0 synergy with the weapons they chose for so many of them. i still haven't gotten over EM layla. it would be a severe power discrepency- 5 stars get a weapon that bolsters their abilities, while 4 stars often get a stat stick at best.

so im kinda at square one with them now. my next thought is just, scrub through the character miscellany, record all the weapons a given character uses, and then those are the weapons available to that character. repeat for the next character. which could give them much more flexibility. that's gonna take hours though, so ive been putting it off lol.

could also just keep it simple and say, if a character has a signature they HAVE to use it, if not, then whatever. or put a rule that i have to pick 1 weapon per 4 star, and they can't be shared (ie yun jin and yaoyao can't both have fav spear), with shuffling allowed when new weapons come. dunno, ill think on it some more while exploring new region on my main ;P

oh, and general rule for all accounts- trial characters and traveler are allowed for solving puzzles, if necessary, just not for combat. will try to avoid when possible of course.