#was summer rose heavy? was being super mom heavy?

[rubyneo]

"a very simple understanding of what the tree is"

[punkeropercyjackson]

Red Hood and The Outlaws rewrite

The original post of this didn't show up in the tags but that turned out to be lucky for me as two major changes happened in mine @insomniac-jay @mayameanderings @refrigeratedboombursts @theautisticcentre @moonage-gaydream and Amrit's(sadly no longer on tumblr but still on discord)Rhato fixit we made because we love Jason and he deserves better!!Cw for super long and heavy post

It starts in 2010 and ends in 2020,runs for 120 issues and happens in-universe over 3 years

The lineup is in order of joining:Jason Todd(Red Hood and briefly a Star Sapphire),Eddie Bloomberg(Red Devil),Rose Wilson(Ravager and later Willow),Summer Kent(Ignite and briefly a Black Lantern),Thaddeus Thawne(Inertia),Pepper Jackson(Star Sapphire),Raveena 'Raven' Rothra(Blackbird),Duke Thomas(Robin),Kahali Roy(Blood Maker),Imani Javiera(Pantheress),Kyle Rayner(Green Lantern and later White Lantern),Artemis Grace(Artemis of Bana-Mighdall),Venus Parks(Star Sapphire),Mathew Kent(Superguy and briefly a Green Lanterm),Daisy Hilliard and Lilith Morningstar(Paradisia and Hex),Jennifer Williams(Batika)and Azriel Morningstar(Ghoul)

Jason,Eddie and Rose are the 'Original Outlaws Trinity' and them and Summer are the 'Dark Core Four'.Jason is the founder and leader and Summer his right hand man who takes over when he can't

Almost all of them are trans and audhd with Mathew as the token cis and Pepper as the token allistic.Jason is monoracial afro-dominican,Rose and Artemis are brownskin and browneyed,Summer is a half white afro-dominicana/afro-mejicana,Thaddeus is black/white mixed because Candice Patton is the only Iris West,Kahali and Raven are indian(tamil and sindi-bengali respectively),Imani is afro-puerto rican and Venus,Daisy,Jennifer and Lilith and Azriel are black.Jason,Summer,Pepper,Imani and Lilith are also fat and Jaysumm is tank4tank

Sometimes a found family can be 18 crazy ass vigilantes some of who weren't even vigilantes at first

The series is very goofy and silly often and in it's fundamental spirit but equally dark and layered in the same sense and is heavy on gags,jokes,violence and social talk.Putting the radicalism and intersectionalism back in comics

The canon couples are Jason/Summer,Eddie/Lilith,Rose/Pepper,Thad/Azriel,Duke/Luna Vásquez,Kahali/Tim Drake,Imani/Vicia López,Kyle/Venus,Artemis/Daisy and Mathew/Jennifer and Raven is aroace.The other adult Outlaws view eachother with very strong platonic love that can be taken as polyamorous love except Summer and Imani who are sisterly and Jason and Raven who are queerplatonic partners and the Kid Outlaws are seen as younger siblings by them with Thad also being considered their adoptive son-By Summer especially and he straight up views him as his mom

Jason is goth punk,Eddie is a metalhead,Rose is goth butch,Summer is pastel punk,Thad is skapunk,Pepper is y2k,Raven is pastel goth,Duke is a solarpunk fashionista,Kahali is whimsigoth,Imani is Aliyahcore,Kyle is losercore-i mean distinct,Artemis is a jock,Venus is ghetto fabulous,Mathew is weirdcore,Daisy is a softgirl,Lilith is scenemo,Jennifer is a prep and Azriel is kidcore

Summer is the Team Mom and Jason is the Team Dad and they're nicknamed 'Supermom and Dadhood' as a teasing joke that they only embrace post getting together(And yet somehow this dosen't stop Jason from saying Summer is a milf with complete honesty and zero hesitation).Raven is the boba aunt

Their base is called The Fortress-named by Summer obviously-and it's an old abandoned huge residence that they started living in after exorsicing it due to investigation leading them there and the moving in decision was made because the beings in it agreed to bless it with eternal running water and electricity as a thank you for helping them move onto the afterlife at last.Everyone has their own room with their own tricked out aesthetic but it's common for them to share their beds and Imani refuses to actually sleep alone,not that any of them mind after a while despite her unconventional sleeping habits

Small note:Kyle is in the same age group as Jason but because i feel he's even more interesting if he starts out being a power ring holder as a teenager and it adds extra tragedy and opportunities to his plots.And they don't actually meet until adulthood-Their mutual connection is Kyle and Summer having been a thing for a short time when they were both teens and Jason being Summer's childhood best friend since they were 11.This notion also applies to Artemis,she gets introduced as a teen hero too instead of that oversexualization bs and keeps her history but just adjusted so she's still Artemis Grace!!

As stated,Jason,Eddie and Rose were the original trio and Jason got them to become Outlaws pretty easily thanks to Eddie having been sidekick besties with him and Summer too and Rose is always up for moral grayness(and is coincedentally another one of Summer's exes-His first ever girlfriend in fact!)and Summer joined post Ember/Red Hood thanks to him and Jason reuniting in Utrh and the series being about them reconnecting as he unintentionally influenced him to become more sardonic and brutal like they were as a kid so the Metropolis media framed them as 'evil all along' and that hurt them so much combined with smear campaign Lex did against them as a kid he worked so hard to disprove for so long that they finally ran away from home and joined The Outlaws like Jason wanted him to so they'd be a team again.He gifted him a black domino mask as 'giving him a piece of himself' to finish off the new costume Summer made.After a decent while of just The Dark Four Core,Pepper came along as the fifth member because of her crush on Summer she'd gained due to their flirtatiouns back in Metropolis that he still returned and they accidentally rescued Thad from dying in a chaotic and quick incident and took him in since he had literally nowhere to go

And the Raven lore by Amrit:Her second ressurection takes place right before Under The Red Hood and the cult that did the ritual chose an indian girl's body because Azarath and Indian are closely linked.She dosen't rejoin the Teen Titans as she feels infantalized at the idea so she takes a year off but once it passes her life is still in shambles-She barely talks to any of her friends,most of her loved ones are dead and so many people are scared of her.Dick hires her to track down Jason and she loves and misses him so much she says yes so she's introduced as the first big Rhato villain but we actually don't know it's her at first and it's a grand reveal.Eddie is the only one who dosen't know who she is as Jason and Summer recognize her from their Robin and Sparks/sidekick days and her and Rose were actually friends during The Titans and the Dark Core Four help her accept her rage in a really cool fight scene,then she calls a true with them and basically becomes their field medic 2 issues later and teaches them meditation and such practices.She starts patching things up with the other people in her life but her and Dick still argue a lot and when he finds out about her teaming up with The Outlaws,they have a huge fight that ironically makes her decided to officially join them and change her codename but they do eventually repair their relathionship

Pepperose was just a natural thing that happened-They flirted on first meeting mutually and Rose was shellshocked Pepper actually hit on her back and then kinda became obsessed with in a non-creepy way her LMFAO She acts like a booktok bf💀Peps is very happy about it though and they're 'gal pals' for about 50 issues before sealing the deal and doing the official girlfriends thing.Rose calls her Pinkie Pie and Pepper calls her 'my favorite rose'.Pepper dosen't really change all that much other than improved self-eestem and getting stronger(and bustier and curvier as her hrt really hits)but she also kills Slade for good out of love for Rose and that's when Rose kisses her,no holding back anymore and they're married by the 2nd to last issue and Rose's 'Willow' mantle comes in at issue 91 and her arc is a heavy but good one that's all about her being human despite what others say

Kahali was gruesomely murdered by The Joker as he filmed the whole thing and sent a physical copy to Summer with a note that said 'history repeats are as sweet as you are,Dearie Em' because of them being intergenerational best friends and partners on the hero field as Ember and Bloody Mary and he'd even taken on the parental role in his life,not just a mentor anymore after his mom's death and his birth dad being an abusive shitstain and they kept in touch which is how The Joker found Kahali.Summer was catatonic but also stuck in his dragon/Kryptofang form and when he snapped back to conciousness,he flew to Gotham before his cremation ceremony to dunk him in the Lazarus Pit,knowing it's exact location thanks to Talia helping out The Outlaws now and then as Jason's adoptive mom and lead of Taliacorp,the reworked ex-Lexcorp she took over in her run of the same name.Kahali came back with Pit Powers much stronger than Jason's and he rubs it in his face,along with it turning his hair completely white but he still dyes it red and Summer mother hen's him more than ever for obvious reasons(well those and the additional one is Summer also got killed and ressurected by a Gotham Rogue as a sidekick)and Kahali updated himself from Bloody Mary to his current moniker.Tim and him were a very atypical couple on every level but that only made them happier with and better for eachother and Tim entered his villain era as 'Dove' over what happened because he believed Kahali was his soulmate and saviour and even had plans to marry him despite not asking him out yet and ironically enough they reunited on the battlefield without recognizing eachother at first until Tim did first and unmasked himself in shock just like Jason did to Summer in Utrh.Time stood still until they rushed up to kiss in relief and disbelief in Tim's case and they started a secret long distance relathionship after that

Artemis joined for reasons that're a bit complicated to match her origin story but the jist of it is she was living in the normal world and deemed them worthy of her companionhood despite how annoying she found them(especially Jason)and they helped her out with her emotions and better translating her mannerisms and she technically turned into a goddess permanently(and willingly)and Kyle had a lot of crazy ass Lanterns shit happen that had him be forced by his mentors to take a breather and he choose a crosscountry roadtrip and he met his teammates by almost running Eddie over because he was trying to eat freshly made ramen and it got in his eyes.He had a bit of a morals trip with his new friends and old ex boygirlfriend he's still mutually flirty with sometimes to say the least(and ends the run thee White Lantern).There's heavy featuring of his parents and past in this because hooooooo boy,he is a character of all time!!

Duke is the 5th Robin because of Summer's involvement and he got a year in pretty good but then him and Bruce nearly broke apart over a fight and he got so scared of being fired as Robin because of being only a 12 year old technical orphan(jokerized parents and Gnonom for a biodad)he followed Summer's footsteps by ditching Gotham and that was how he meet Jason,who introduced himself as his true identity to him because of Summer's positive talk of him and accepted Duke's ask for shelter and so Duke was now an Outlaw.He wasn't forced to kill but he did become pretty harsh in fights and this caused him angst only for a bit as he was reassured by the older members.In Issue 39,Jason snarks he was just 'The Replacement Robin' and Duke defensively says 'You were always my favorite Robin when i was little!I never even got to see you in action but you're my favorite for good now!' and Jason is taken back and stunned,completely clueless on how to process it and in issue 110,Duke says to Jason '.....I was never a real Robin.I've been with you guys way longer than i ever was with Bruce-' and Jason cuts him off with 'Yeah,no shit you were never Batman's Robin.You're The Outlaws' Robin-You're my Robin and you always have been and you always will be' and Duke breaks down so Jason comforts him and that's when Summer walks in with their Dairy Super and Batburger double flight orders and asks what happened but helps in further comforting him before either even get to explain with Duke thanking him for being the reason he got to take the first step to heroism to which he gets platonically bubbly and flattered and tells him he's the perfect Robin and Duke does a toothy happy grin that takes up most of the last panel in that issue.A text box reads 'Duke Thomas is happy.Jason Todd is happy again,thanks to him.They're eachother's Robin,on purpose and by choice'

All the direct longlasting exposure to so much super science-y and magic jazz and trazz made his power system escelarate and he went from light and darkness powers to straight up reality warping.He gets stuck in a pocket dimension for a hot sec but Summer and Jason pull him out with Thad's help as an expert on that situation.The universe is trying to create the N52 but Duke's Robinhood is stopping it and in an arc of 18 issues to symbolize the 18 core Outlaws,Duke,Summer,Jason,Thad,Kahali,Jennifer,Mathew,Imani,Kyle,Venus,Raven,Eddie,Rose and Pepper get the headfirst headons into helping completely erase even the slimest posibility of the N52 canonizing but ALL The Outlaws are in on it,including an unfringed Tam as our Batgyal and honorary Outlaw for two and a half months at the time!!Duke as our Robin deserves that dramatic ahh 'We love you and always want you with us,nobody else could be our Robin' storyline.Our Sunspot has earned it

Imani gets hired because of her reputation as a leathily effecient spy and she fits right in,crying herself to sleep a few times after they'd been together long enough to call eachother family.She's a gremlin from the start and influences Mathew to be the same and she's close to everybody but Summer and her are interdimensional sisters soulmates a la Percy Jackson and Hazel Levesque and he was the first one to break down her walls and they go out of their way to defend the other nonstop and this helps Summer's eldest daughter syndrome trauma.Catblooded/Vimani starts in a remastered Gotham War which is about them and The Watchers and lest to say they're perfect together and Jason,Kyle,Mathew,Lilith and Jennifer NEVER let them live it down.Lilith's intro is a parody of Batman 357-Instead of stealing his tires,she hacked Jason's computer to leak his old Undertale chats and he begged her to join in humiliating ways only for it to be revealed she only did it for fun and came to join because Summer and him were close friends in their teen years but got seperated due to Hell bussiness.She made sure to take pictures 'to send to Summie of his cringelord ass hubbie'.None of these words are denied by anyone at all

At the same time this was happening,Artemis,Azriel,Thad,Pepper and Duke were on a mission and Artemis was almost fatally wounded but Daisy came in as her angel with healing oitments made with her chlorokinesis and Artemis saw her with a glowing pink halo around her head,too enchanted by her to care about almost dying.Daisy was a duo with Lilith and had the same reasoning as her for being there but they got seperated thanks to a villain attack and they're the team hacker and team botanist.They picked Venus up at a party she was DJ'ing and she started as only an ally but joined them officially in a parallel to Teen Titans 2003!Tara Markov after an angst arc and it actually took her and Kyle a hot sec to get officially together due thinking their attraction was purely physical and her and Pepper did a toon girlypop squee sequence after she got the official Outlaw title as Star Sapphire solidarity.Mathew was having insecurities over not being as good as Summer because he's not as Clark-esque as him

This leads into 'Superguy's Breaking Out' arc,when Lor-Zod infects him with black kryptonite and it functions as an angstified mythology gag to the widely beloved Multicolor Raven Emotions from the Teen Titans cartoon as we get Superguy,Negasuper,Supernega and Guysuper in manifistations of Mat's kindness,anger,envy and creativity and a Krypton heavy arc follows as it leads to the dual swords Kaliodoton and Kryptoscade,the legendary kryptonian swords that were wielded by various kryptonian and kryptofang duos throught Krypton's history and now Mathew Kent and Summer Kent to complete their journey to fix Mat's self-eestem and uncover even more of Fantasma's backstory,the ghost of the last surviving Kryptofang that lives in Summer's head as a DID metaphor(with the following symptoms and required trauma to turn him into a system!).Their quest lasts three weeks and they return to The Fortress to the world's biggest group hug with Mathew especially misty eyed but in a happy way and have a huge cultural fusion dinner they all made together that includes previously lost kryptonian recipes

Jennifer was missing from Gotham because she'd been given Lian's teleported across time and space multiple times storyline due to an accident that happened while on a quest for Solana Banks to restore her lost home dimension Helioas because she thought she'd found an articifact that would but misenterpreted it's powers.Lucky for her,her journey only lasted 1 year instead of multiple and she crashlanded inside The Fortress literally in the middle of The Outlaws video game night.She wasn't ready to live normally again just yet so she stayed and became an official member as a result,from Batgal to Batika.And to complete our family,Azriel had the easiest and most simplistic one-Lilith asked Jason to let her join them because of how strong she is and not having many friends so he accepted and she's actually the goriest of the Outlaws beating even Thee Red Hood in it and this is part of her demonic nature and carries no secret undertones to it.Like Flowergrace,Thadzriel was love at first newbie sight and they have such a sweet middle school dating dynamic

Raven and Kahali take a trip to India to rediscover and reclaim their respective cultures and bond in the process,becoming siblings almost as close as Kahali and Summer.They get matching jhumkas while they're there!!The other ooc(Outlaws of color)all get to visit their motherlands too at some point in the story and Pepper gets a bonus with the Pepperose wedding taking place in Italy

Luna appears in a significant amount of issues but since she's Aquafam she sticks to her own territory most of the time and her and Duke are purely platonic,having met in Robin 2007,with love not blooming until Duke becomes The Signal and leads a new team he made called The Lights with Luna joining as 'Moonguide' and they have a slowburn that spans until their adults years as Eris(Duke)and Selene(Luna).Like Summer to Jason,Luna is the Starfire to Duke's Robin and an honorary Kid Outlaw

Jaysumm's dynamic is childhood best friends and sidekick partners > Enemies only in the technical sense > Best friends again but Jason flirting with Summer constantly and Summer not buying Jason isn't joking because of their history together > Being insuferably obviously in love and Summer's literally the ONLY one who dosen't know > Fwb who act like a couple already with Jason still only knowing it on his side and angst for him as a result > Sneaking off to take Jon off trick or treating in opposite costumes(fairy goddess princess and blood moon werewolf)and Summer's epiphany finally happens so he confesses when they make it home and Jason confesses back so they make out and sleep together literally > Official couple when exactly 11 issues remaining in a 120 part series LMFAO

🎶They don't give a damn about their reputation🎶 < Had to make that joke,mb kings.But yeah they generally don't care about perception from normies and ARE here to unteach propaganda as they fuck around and make people find out the systems are fucked.It's very embarrasing for certain superheroes that the eco-terrorists without the no kill code are better parents to their kids than they are to theirs and their legacy stays even post quasi-disbanment(They keep in contact forever ofc,it's just the plot needed them elsewheres and there's common reunions and video calls)

Culturally fused team,both race and species.Afrolatino and brown latino,kryptonian and amazonian,speedster abonimation and macabita demon,human and meta and so forth.Subculture fused too as they frequently participate in eachother's aesthetics and interests and they're all multilingual.Clashes between them occasionally but never too bad

The genre is like.Superhero comedy but also horror but also fantasy but also sci-fi but also urban fantasy but also surrealism but also romance drama but also psychological thriller????????It's the Homestuck of DC,everything ever happens in Red Hood and The Outlaws 2010-2020.This includes the catgirls and the hyperspecific lore and the weird ass art that's somehow good and the-

The covers always fuck NO exceptions,Summer does meta commentary telling fans to not buy their merch officially and to instead get it secondhand or they'll be dissapointing him but Pepper full on breaks the fourth wall and Jennifer gained the same power from the No N52 Mission and Lilith can too,it has it's own official opening on the official DCAU channel and a few shorts and this includes a pride video like the Bubbline one by Cartoon Network and it stars Jaysumm,Pepper is the most well-known and beloved trans DC character,they're SUPER popular in in Latin America and with latino-americans,it has multiple lego sets and The Outlaws Girls even got their own doll line and they have crossover mini series with Young Justice that's 24 issues and called 'Just Us,No Laws'

Live action cast:Aubrey Joseph as Jason,Booboo Stewart as Eddie,Chelsea Zhang as Rose,Amandla Stenberg as Summer,Lonnie Chavis as Thad,Nicole Maines as Pepper,Avantika Vandanapu as Raven,Jenna Qureshi as Kahali,Issac Ryan Brown as Duke,Trina Mcgee as Imani,Diego Tinocco as Kyle,Imaan Hammam as Artemis,Halle Bailey as Venus,Walker Scobell as Mathew,Teyonah Harris as Daisy,Ruby Baker for Lilith,Riele Dowds as Jennifer,Priah Ferguson as Azriel,Coco Jones as Tam and Shanina Shaik as Talia

The arcs names' in order:Ignite arc,In This City arc,Blood Maker arc,Cat got your tongue? arc,Man's World arc,Superguy! arc,Motherland arc,Speak of the Devil arc,StarWillow arc,Gotham-Hoods arc,Outlawed Robin arc and In with the Outs arc(finale)

There's a Scooby Doo crossover event since it's confirmed DC is canon to the Scoobertverse and it's 27 issues and titled 'Scooby Doo and The Outlaws',a graphic novel by Bryan O'Malley in the Scott Pilgrim artstyle and storytelling font called 'Jason Todd's After Afterlife' and multiple Rhato x Atsv official arts because of Summer inspiring Hobie Brown's recreation as Spiderpunk in the 2010s with Superpunk in the 1990s as a butterfly effect ala Donald Grover and Miles Morakes(and there's even one of Gayatri meeting Kahali and Jaysumm meeting Punkflower)

[yaboialbarg]

RWBY THEORY

Spoiler for Vol9 ep7

It will sound a little bit fanfictiony, but here it goes.

Summer isn't dead!!!!

But i do not think that it's in the way we think

she ins't in a hound, or a grimm, im starting to believe that Summer's last mission involved the Ever After

But the mission din't go wrong

I truly starting to believe that...

Summer may have choose to stay in the Ever After to run Away from Remmnant, hiding from Salem

Because we all know that She was Fighting Salem just like Ruby is, and in many ways, she might have experienced similar issues, traumas and challenges Ruby did. And just like Ruby, she would want to take the weight of her shoulders, to stop having her friends and the world relling on her

And so, when she was sent in a mission to this parallel unverse, she decided to stay, thus "forging her death" and abandonig all her issues behind....

This would change everything wouldn't it?

And it would, admitley, Paint Summer in an...pretty horrendous light

Like... this woman, who's suppose to be this legendery hero, a super mom an amazing person

Abandoned her friends, family, World, DAUGHTERS, Just so she could escape the heavy responsibility put on her

What if when Ruby ran off, somehow, she finds Summer? And instead of this emotional reunion filled with whinsical music and cinematography.

She just see her in a wooded cabin, living a pretty basic ass life

At first Ruby would be jumping with joy to be finally be metting her hero, her mother that she heard so many good things about...

But the more she learns of why she ended up here, the more she becomes dissapointed and Angry

This person she idolized for so long, the mother she wished was there in her worse hours, simply abandoned her to escape her responsibilities

She left an heart broken Thai

An Druken Mess that became Qrow

An older daughter that had to raise her own sister

An world that needed her help

An young daughter...

Aaah... an young daughter...

An younger daughter Who she left AAAAAALL the responsibilities that she carried on her...

Saving the world from an imortal monster?

Prevent an war from breaking bettwen kingdoms?

Prevent the world from ending?

Leave it all to Summer's little girl... The little girl that needed her the most, the little girl that was dragged into a war beetwen imortal beings, the little girl that NEEDS to Live up to her mother's name....

...AN MOTHER... THAT LEFT EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING TO DIE... ALL BECAUSE SHE ONLY CARED ABOUT HER AND HERSELF ONLY...

...AN MOTHER, WHO ABANDONED HER CHILD SO SHE COULD FILL HER ROLE IN THIS MADNESS...

...AN MOTHER THAT LEFT ALL THAT SHE LOVED, ALL BECAUSE SHE WAS A COWARD....

And that's all for now, i know that there are a lot of things that contradict this theory (Red like Roses part II being one of them) and that it honestly sound a lot more like a fic idea.

But it would be really intresting to have this twist when it comes to how we see Summer

That's is all

See ya

[ah-ga-seven]

Till’ The End Of Summer -  Chapter 11

>> series masterlist <<

Pairing: Choi Yeonjun x Reader

In a Nutshell: College!AU, Rich Kids, Friends to Lovers, Fuckboy athlete Yeonjun, Overprotective Best friend Soobin, contains all of TXT and other Idol cameos, Omnipresent perspective.

Synopsis: You and Yeonjun are caught up in a cat and mouse game because of unspoken feelings and endless pining for each others’ attention. With the summer break approaching and lots of college parties, will you finally get a chance to explore your feelings for each other; even though the world and Yeonjun’s reputation makes things complicated?

Word count: 12K

Genre:  Angst, SMUT, Fluff

Warnings: very descriptive mature content, read at your own risk, I put a bolded warning at the start and closing. I also didn’t proofread cause well...12k words. I’ll get to it asap!

“What are you waiting for? Come in. You’re all acting like strangers to each other.” Your mom snickered as she wiped her hands on a paper towel so she could greet them properly.

“Oh, y-yeah.” Mia says as she steps inside, walking past Soobin without a word to greet your parents.

Your frozen state vanishes as you make eye contact with Mia, and you automatically start to walk towards Yeonjun with big, confused eyes.

You looked at Yeonjun, and he looked at you. The corners of his mouth lifting up a little as he opened his arms for you. You didn’t think twice about launching yourself into his arms, though your confusion got the best of you, you were still incredibly happy to see him. Your whole body relaxed as he enveloped you into his strong arms, patting your head as he buried his nose in your hair. “Hi baby,” he whispers into your hair. Closing his eyes to savor the peaceful moment.  

You look up with glassy eyes as he cupped your face, caressing your cheek with his thumb before he planted a kiss on your lips, followed by a sweet kiss on your forehead.  

“Did you miss me?”  

You nod bashfully, burying your face in his chest once again and he just chuckles, tightening his hold on you a little. “Me too,” he hums as the feeling of being whole and loved washes over him.  

It’s like you forgot your parents, Soobin or Mia were in the room. It felt like time stopped. As if it was just you and him in your apartment.

Your father cleared his throat, cringing at the scene. “You didn’t hug me like that when I came in.”

The comment made Yeonjun chuckle and you felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment as you let go of him.

Soobin’s eyes were focused on Mia, but he snapped out of it as he heard your father speak. Putting on a smile at his comment. “Well, he was gone for almost two months,” Soobin says as he grabbed Yeonjun by his shoulders, smiling at him with love emitting from his pupils.  

Yeonjun chuckled, pulling Soobin towards him for a hug. “You could have given us a heads up.”

“He wanted to surprise you.” Mia chimed in quickly, giving Yeonjun a look that Soobin couldn’t read, and he didn’t like it. But maybe they did visit here to surprise you? All in all, he was confused at them showing up here together, but it seemed like you didn’t find it odd at all.  

“Let’s talk later,” Yeonjun says as his pupils dart from Soobin to your parents, nodding at them.  

Soobin immediately understood, since they didn’t need words to communicate.

It was still awkward for Soobin to see you interact with Yeonjun like this, he wasn’t used to seeing Yeonjun being more whipped than heavy whipped cream for a girl, and since you were that girl it made it all even more awkward to watch for him.

“Give me a second,” Yeonjun says as he let go of your hand, making his way through your apartment to greet your parents.

You gulped at the sight, suddenly the nerves in your body were taking a toll on you and you unknowingly grab a hold of Soobin's hand who was standing next to you.  

Soobin raised his eyebrows, looking at your intertwined fingers and he scoffed with a side-smile. Whispering an ‘it’s ok’ to you in the process.  

Yeonjun was a charmer, he could make anyone like him by adapting his energy to theirs. For some reason, he thought your dad would appreciate it more if he went to greet your mother first, and so he did. Receiving an approving smile from your father.

“Hi Mrs. y/l/n, I’m Yeonjun.” He smiled at her brightly, taking her hand with both hands as he bowed to her politely.

You saw your mother's breath literally hitch in her throat at the sight of his smile and you roll your eyes at her.

Mia chuckled as well, and so did Soobin. Really? All it took was a smile and a simple ‘Hello’ and she was already in awe?

“Y/n, where the hell did you find him?” Your mother chimes giving you a shocked look and you curse at her through your teeth for embarrassing him and yourself

“Mom!” you whine, rushing to his side to grab his arm for comfort.  

Heat rose to Yeonjun’s cheeks as he giggled softly at the not-so-subtle compliment. “We actually kind of found each other.”

“Okay, stop before I throw up my lunch.” Soobin says as he plops down next to Mia on the couch, putting an arm around her.

Everyone chuckled lightly, and your father made his way to the kitchen as well to talk to Yeonjun.

As everyone was getting acquainted with each other, Soobin leaned into Mia.  

“You ghost on me for days and now you show up here with him? What’s going on.”

Mia’s mouth went dry, not wanting to ruin the moment given how happy you were to see Yeonjun and your parents together. She eyed your facial expression and melted. She hasn’t seen you this happy in weeks. She sighed, averting her attention back to Soobin. “I’m sorry…I had deadlines and stayed up all night, Yeonjun called me up to surprise you guys that’s it…”

Soobin’s hard demeanor softened and he wrapped Mia into his arms tightly as he pouted. “Oh no, my baby. Did you work so hard?” he cooed, babying Mia to his best ability; similar to how he baby’s Hueningkai from time to time.

Mia giggled, relaxing in his touch. “I missed you, I’m sorry. It was a really important deadline.”

“It’s ok…I understand,” Soobin says as he pecked her lips softly, staring into her eyes lovingly before pulling her closer to him on the couch. “I know I should’ve just trusted you, I’m sorry.”

Mia avoided Soobin’s eyes, feeling guilty about lying yet another lie but this just wasn’t the time.

“You’re on the team with Soobin?” your dad asked suddenly intrigued by the revelation.

You lean against your kitchen counter and watch your dad like a hawk, but he seemed to like Yeonjun already, especially if he’s this interested.  

“Oh, yeah. I like to believe I’m their star player.” Yeonjun states cockily, huffing out his chest while nodding to Soobin who just rolled his eyes at him.

“He’s good. Sure.” Soobin admits bitterly, making your parents laugh in response.

You smile at Yeonjun adoringly for being able to win over your parents so easily, something you didn’t think was possible given your track record of dating incompetent men. The two other boyfriends you brought home weren’t necessarily approved of. They were tolerated but not liked, and you could already sense that this was not the case with Yeonjun.

With every ‘I told you so’ you heard from your mom whenever you broke up with an ex, she made you realize that mama indeed ‘knows best’ but given the way she was looking at Yeonjun with stars in her eyes as he conversed about this and that, you already knew she’d see him as a keeper. Which made your shoulders drop in relaxation.

“I’d love to talk some more but this dinner isn’t going to prepare itself.” Your mother chuckled pointing to your kitchen area. There was literally no space left on your counter because of all of the ingredients and Yeonjun’s eyes widened.

“Do you need help miss?” Yeonjun offers politely, putting a hand on her shoulder as he smiled at your mother softly.

He couldn’t help but notice how similar you looked to her, how you have the same mannerisms and the same twinkle in your eyes. She smiled at him and shook her head. “No, that’s really nice of you to offer but I think y/n, Mia, and I will have it handled. Right?”

Mia got on her feet immediately and that’s the exact moment you notice her presence for the first time. Your eyes widen and you burst out laughing, giving her a clumsy hug as you cling to her. “Oh my god dude, I had no idea you came.”

“It’s ok,” she scoffs. “I know where I stand.” You playfully hit her arm as she rolls her eyes, and Yeonjun smiled at both of you, giving Mia a look you couldn’t quite read after he kissed your temple.

“I’ll be with Soobin and your dad.” You look back at him and give him an awkward smile while your brows furrow with concern. “Tell me when my dad’s being annoying ok.”  

He chuckled, crossing his arms in fake defense. “If I can handle you, I can handle anyone.”

The comment made your mother snort to herself as she cut up some veggies, and you just give him a kittenish angry face as he makes his way to the couch, plopping himself down between Soobin and your dad.  

He watched you for a while, the corners of his mouth curling up into a slight smile without knowing. He noticed how content and happy you were to be with a room full of people that you love, and his heart did a thing at the view.  

As he was getting lost in thought, his smile faltered while he thought of the reason he came here in the first place. Seeing you like this made it so much harder. He didn’t have the heart to wipe that pretty smile off your face and neither was Mia from the looks of it.

“Right Yeonjun?” Soobin cooed, snapping him out of his daydream.

Yeonjun’s head snapped back to reality, looking at Soobin and your father with big confused eyes. “Ah…sorry I wasn’t paying attention.”

“I know. You were looking at my daughter.” Your father chuckled, patting Yeonjun’s thigh, which made Yeonjun freeze in place at being caught. He nervously smiled, rubbing his neck awkwardly.

“Well, at least it’s super obvious he cares about her.” Soobin chuckled, putting his arm around Yeonjun to pull him back and trapping him into a hug.  

“You two seem pretty close too,” your dad remarks with a smile.

“Oh yeah, we live together,” Soobin says as he snuggles his head into Yeonjun’s shoulder.

“Stop that. I’ll get jealous.” Mia pouts waving her knife around as a warning and Soobin immediately let go, making everyone laugh in response.

Yeonjun looked back at Soobin with an amused smile. He furrowed his brows at Soobin as he something odd about his attire. “Are these my clothes?” he asks pulling on the black bedazzled Vetements shirt Soobin was wearing.  

“Oh…yeah about that…”  

“That’s more than he was wearing when we came in here, so be glad.” Your dad jokes, not noticing the damage he did.

Soobin coughed, basically choking on air, shooting your dad a look of desperation.

“What?” Yeonjun asks raising his eyebrows at Soobin. He was trying not to sound too annoyed given the presence of your father, but it failed miserably. If Yeonjun can’t hide something it’s his jealousy, he fucking hated it about himself but there was nothing he could do at this point.

“Ahh, hyung. It’s nothing. Seriously. She told me to change into your clothes since I crashed here but I couldn’t find your shirts, so I walked out and at that exact moment her parents were in the living room…I had no idea.”

Yeonjun squinted his eyes at Soobin but didn’t want to say anything else since your father was right in front of him. He didn’t want to seem possessive or jealous, even though he was. So, he decided to let it go for now. “We’ll talk later,” Yeonjun says through his teeth, which made your father laugh out loud, enjoying taunting Yeonjun a little too much.

When Yeonjun looked back at your father he saw a smug grin on his face, and Yeonjun knew enough. He was doing it on purpose to test him; and luckily, he passed the test.

“Honey! We forgot the honey.” Your mom says in panic as she rummages through the grocery bags.

“Are you calling me honey or…” your dad asks looking back at your her.

“Yes and no, go be a good husband and get me some honey.”

“Ok, honey.” He sighs exasperatingly, getting up from the couch with reluctance.  

Yeonjun chuckled, enjoying the dad jokes a little too much and you roll your eyes at him. “Oh my god.” Mia sighed. “I guess they found each other.”

You smile at them both lovingly but your smile falters quickly. You catch yourself being way too giddy and positive about life right now. You were so used to everything going completely wrong all the time that you wouldn’t let yourself have this moment of peace, serenity, and happiness without overthinking.  

Mia noticed, nudging your shoulder. “You ok? What was that?”  

“Nothing, I just…I’m really happy right now,” you say with a million kilo-watt smile, which made Mia’s eyes twinkle.  

You deserved this more than anyone after all the shit you’ve put yourself through to make your relationship with Yeonjun work. Guilt consumed Mia again as she averted her attention back on the task at hand, peeling these damn potatoes.  

“At least someone in this house appreciates my humor. I guess I’ll go get it then.” Your dad says as he retrieved his jacket from the coat rack.  

“Let me come with you.” Yeonjun volunteers as he got up with determination. “I can drive,” he offered, and your dad just nodded at him in response.

You blinked a couple of times to check if this was really happening. Your dad let Yeonjun come with him?  

You were taken aback by the fact that your dad allowed Yeonjun to come with him, and even more taken aback by the fact that Yeonjun volunteered to get grilled in the car. Knowing your dad, he’d probably lynch him alive with questions, and you felt bad for him already.

You give Yeonjun a look, mouthing a ‘Are you sure about that’ but he shrugged it off, giving you a reassuring nod.

“Ok, well…have fun you two, and don’t take too long.” Your mom nags as she continues to stir into the large pan on the stove.

“Yeah…hurry back.” You pout at Yeonjun and he chuckled, pecking your lips.

“Don’t worry.” He whispered into your ear, patting your head before he followed your dad out of the house.  

“This is your car? A Range Rover?”

“I-uh…it was a birthday present,” Yeonjun said opening the door to the passengers’ seat for your father.  

Your dad got in, looking at his surroundings with big eyes. “That’s some birthday present. What do your parents do again, son?”

‘Son’ wow, that’s a first.

“Uhm, they operate in software and applications, well my mom does. My dad is well….dead.”

“Oh, Jesus. I’m so sorry. I completely forgot.” Your dad quickly apologizes as he fastened his seatbelt.  

Yeonjun bit his lip, starting the engine. He wasn’t off to a great start. He wanted to keep things light and airy, but he should’ve known that a 22-year-old, driving around in a 50.000+ dollar car would raise questions with heavy answers.

“It’s ok. Well, I mean it’s not Ok. We had a complicated relationship. My parents were never really around so they compensated that with…gifts such as these.”  

“You seem well mannered though.”

“Yeah, my housekeeper raised me.”

“Housekeeper?”

“Ok, I’m sorry.” Yeonjun chuckled nervously. “Can we please start over sir? I’m starting to sound like a brat.”

“Only if you stop calling me sir” your dad says with a smile, patting Yeonjun on his shoulder which made him relax in his seat as he turned the corner on his way to the nearest supermarket.

“What do you think they’re talking about.” You nervously say as you munch on a rice cake.

“You.” Soobin shrugs, stealing a rice cake from the pan which made your mother slap his hand away.  

“Use a spoon!” she nags, making Mia laugh in response.

“I knew you guys were close, but I had no idea Soobin had a second mother,” Mia says comforting a pouty Soobin by rubbing his back.

Your mom smiled at Mia and looked back at Soobin adoringly. “Well, he basically grew up in our house, the same goes for y/n in his home. His mom and I went to college together, and never parted ways since.” She explains as she fishes a rice cake out of the pot with a spoon, handing it to Soobin so he could try it.

“Ahh, that’s gonna be us!” you giggle excitedly, smacking Mia’s arm.

Mia gave you a half-hearted smile. “Yeah…” she says lost in thought, trying not to make things too obvious.  “I hope so…”

“A guy as well off as you should have his options open. So why y/n?” your dad questions as Yeonjun and him walk down the aisles of the supermarket in search of the secret ingredient to your mothers famous stew.

Yeonjun chuckled. “She saw me for me before she knew who my parents were. We just really clicked. We share the same interests. We just get each other. Also, I did most of the chasing, she was not convinced at first.”

“How come?”

“Let's just say I didn’t make the greatest decisions. We really had to work on the way we communicate and though I’m still working on it…I do feel like we’re finally getting somewhere.” Yeonjun carefully explains as he skims the aisles for pots of honey.

“Can I tell you a secret about my daughter, Yeonjun.” Your dad starts lost in thought as he stopped in front of a shelve filled with different types of condiments.  

“Y-yeah…of course,” Yeonjun states standing behind him, putting his hand in his pockets as he waited for your dad to speak up.  

“y/n tends to see the guys she dates as projects. She wants to fix them and when it doesn’t work out, she’s the one left broken hearted, because she puts all of her soul and energy in trying to make things work…even if they don’t want to work.”

Yeonjun was taken aback by your father's statement. Projects? Men? What now?

“I...I don’t think I fully understand.”

Your dad turned round after having retrieved the biggest pot of honey he could find on the shelve, looking at Yeonjun seriously.

“You seem to care about her a lot. I can tell. By the way you look at her, talk about her. It’s evident that your heart is in the right place and that your intentions are good, but the last two guys she dated were similar to you, and I actually like you, so I would hate for you to end up as some failed experiment.”

Yeonjun blinked a couple of times as he followed your dad to the long line behind the cash register. “I never even asked her about her exes, are you saying she sees me as a project?”

“Oh no! God. No. She’s going to kill me.” Your dad quickly jumped to his own defense, looking at Yeonjun seriously.

“She’s never looked at a guy the way she looks at you, trust me. I’d know. She doesn’t even look at me like that.” He jokes to lighten the tension but Yeonjun furrows his brows in concern, which made your dad sigh at the sight.

“Y/n wants to fix people; it’s basically embedded in her DNA. I used to serve in the army, I wasn’t around as much, and her mother had a hard time with it. So, y/n took care of her from a young age. When I got back, she was hesitant around me, not knowing what it’s like to have a father around and all. Although we’re good now; it somehow scarred her in ways I don’t think she even knows about herself.”

“She…never told me,” Yeonjun says as they moved forward in line, he was too lost in thought to even comprehend what was happening around him, and just followed your dad like a lost puppy.  

“I think it’s because she doesn’t think it’s an issue. My daughter only knows how to take care of others, she neglects her own needs. You could call her somewhat of a wounded healer. She’ll do anything to make your relationship work Yeonjun, what I’m asking of you is to take care of her when she’s taking care of you.”

“Of course,…I’d do anything for her.”  

Yeonjun sighed dramatically. Of course, it takes two to tango. If he’s going to tell you that he wasn’t planning on going back to college, you’d probably blame yourself. He had to think long and hard about how he was going to break the news. For once he has the advantage, and he was going to do it right.

“All in all, it’s kind of my fault she’s like that. The fear of abandonment, not knowing how to put herself first, it’s because of my absence in her childhood.”

“So, to summarize this, she has….daddy issues.” Yeonjun blurts out without thinking.  

Your father snorted, holding in his laughter as they made it to the cash register, Yeonjun was too lost in thought to even pull out his card, though your dad would never let him pay, he wanted to make the gesture.  

It was already too late as the lady at the register handed the receipt to your father. And he turned to Yeonjun, looking at his fallen facial expression.

“See it as something you have in common with her.”  

Yeonjun’s eyes turned from serious to playful at the out of line comment your dad just made and he couldn’t help but laugh. “I guess so yeah, I guess we’ve been too focused on me and my past. This was really helpful thank you.” Yeonjun says as he took the bag from your father, carrying it to the car.

“Fix your flaws together, not separately.  If it works it works, and if not and you break her heart…I still have my gun from the army.”

Yeonjun’s eyes widen, and your dad laughs as he opens the car door. Enjoying his empty threat, a little too much. Yeonjun nervously chuckled as he got in the car again, biting the inside of his cheek.

“Got it.”

Your dad and Yeonjun walk in, and your heart finally started beating again. They looked fine, and your dad was even laughing with Yeonjun as they stepped foot into your apartment.  

Your eyes grow in size and Yeonjun immediately makes his way over to you, standing between your legs since you were seated on top of your dinner table to watch your mother cook.

“I’m back,” he says with a soft smile, pulling you in for a hug.

“What did you two talk about?” you whisper, your eyes follow your father as he hands your mom the bag with a quick kiss on her cheek.

Yeonjun looked at your parents, and then back to you with a smirk.

“Oh, nothing. He told me all about your ex-boyfriends that’s all,” He says nonchalantly letting go of you, but you hook your legs around his thighs to keep him from leaving.

“He what!?” you whisper-scream, but Yeonjun just shot you an amused wink, untangling himself from your hold to compliment your mother on her cooking.

Dinner was served pretty quickly afterward. Soobin and Yeonjun had to move your desk from your bedroom to extend your dinner table since your place wasn’t made to have 5 guests over.

Your parents sat across from each other as Mia and Soobin sat next to each other on one side, while Yeonjun and yourself sat next to each other on the opposite side.

The setting was intimate, candles were lit, and soft music was playing in the background as all of you made light conversation about your studies and how you all met.

When your dad and Yeonjun were gone, you instructed your mother to keep from asking deep questions to Yeonjun about his family for the time of being. You didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable or burdened to answer, especially since you didn’t have time alone with him since he returned, meaning you couldn’t really check on him given his unexpected return.

You could tell that Yeonjun was trying his best, but he kept zoning out and suddenly you feel yourself worrying about what your father might have said to him, so you decide to distract him.

Your hand found his under the table, and you intertwine your fingers, squeezing his hand while placing your intertwined fingers on your thigh just above your knee.

He didn’t think much of it, continuing to listen to Soobin ramble about their first encounter in the locker room during freshman year.

He was laughing, listening intently. He looked relaxed and you couldn’t help but stare. You start looking at his features one by one. At his honey skin and eye smile. At his cushiony lips as he chewed on the food your mother prepared.

Yeonjun looked down at you, feeling your eyes on him and when he caught you staring, he giggled shyly. “What is it?” he asked with a smile, but you just shake your head, guiding his hand up your thigh a little more, passing the fabric of your skirt which made Yeonjun’s eyes widen.

“Nothing,” you say innocently, raising your spoon up to your mouth with your free hand to take a bite as you guide his hand even higher up your thigh.

He basically choked on his food and started coughing, trying to untangle his fingers from yours. He grabbed a napkin, covering his mouth with it to muffle his coughing sounds.

“Yeonjun? Are you okay?” your mother asks in concern which made Yeonjun’s eyes travel to hers as if he got caught.

“Ah..y-yes, I need to chew more.” He chuckles apologetically.

“It’s delicious, the best kimchi stew I’ve ever had.” He compliments, which made your mother smile proudly.

“Yes! Completely agree.” Mia says.  

“You should all come over for Christmas, bring the other boys too. I can cook you a real dinner then.” Your mother proposes which made Soobin gasp. “That would be amazing!”  

Yeonjun smiled at your mother and Soobin, but you weren’t done taunting him.  

You ‘dropped’ your chopstick, the noise alerting everyone in the room.

“Oh, sorry. Let me just-“

“I’ll get it,” Yeonjun offers quickly, but you stop him.

“No, It’s ok, I can see it from here.”  

The attention of your dad, Mia and Soobin was quickly averted back to your mother so you took your chance. Grabbing Yeonjuns thigh, digging your nails into his jeans for leverage as you bend down to grab the lost chopstick between his feet.

He froze but knew exactly what you were doing and when your head dipped down, his eyes widened. This could NOT look right from the outside looking in.

He couldn’t believe you, first the whole shirtless Soobin ordeal, then the revelation of your ex-boyfriends you never told him about and now you are provoking him at the dinner table? What the fuck has gotten into you.

You come back up, letting go of his thigh and you innocently set the chopstick aside, raking your hand through your hair as you give Yeonjun a questioning look.

His eyes were burning into you, but you just shrug with a sly smile. “Keep this up. I dare you.” He whispers through his teeth, counteracting his threat by sweetly tugging a strand of your hair behind your ear.

He dares you? Ha. Ha. Ha. He should know by now that you’re crazy.

It didn’t take long before everyone was finished, so when you cleaned the table you made sure to reach for Yeonjun’s plate over his shoulder, brushing your arm over his chest and touching him subtly whenever you could.  

You could tell he was losing his patience with you but frankly, you didn’t care. It’s the least he deserves for basically ignoring you for the past few weeks and showing up here like nothing ever happened. Of course, you were happy to see him, but you were bitter, and you were going to make him suffer the best way you could.  

After dinner, dessert and tea you were completely stuffed and low on energy. You wanted everyone out of your apartment and your father was quick to notice the way you dragged your footsteps around your apartment. He proposed to leave not long after, and to your relief your mother agreed.

Soobin and Mia left first with a lousy excuse of finishing schoolwork but judging off the looks they were giving each other all night you knew better than that.  

“It was so nice to meet you, Yeonjun!” your mother exclaims pulling him in for a hug. He stiffens in surprise at first but relaxes in her touch instantly. As he let go of her, your father patted Yeonjun on his back and shook his hand firmly. “I guess we’ll see you at Christmas.”

“Yes. For sure.” Yeonjun smiles, and it in unknowingly made you giddy inside that he made plans to be with you and your parents so far in the future.  

He really wasn’t going anywhere this time, and you couldn’t be happier.

After exchanging hugs with your parents and promising to contact them more often they leave, and you sigh in relief.

_  WARNING: Heavy Smut ahead. Soft Dom!Jun, oral/finger play, size kink, choking, rough sex, playful banter, sweet/dirty talk and aftercare. _

When the front door closed the air got thick. It’s like your breath hitched in your throat and you knew the endless diner table teasing was about to get you in trouble.

You were almost afraid to turn around and meet his eyes. You halted your movements for a few seconds before you found the guts to do so and immediately regret it.

He stared at you through hooded lids, the dimmed lighting in your apartment was accentuating his features perfectly and romantically. He walked closer to you with slow strides, backing you into your front door as he trapped you between his arms on each side of your body.  

“In front of your fucking parents' y/n?” he starts, letting his fingers ghost over your bottom lip before he tugs at your chin, making you look at him.

You gulp with wide eyes, lust filling your senses as you basically see him undress you with his eyes.

“You’ve given me multiple reasons to completely wreck you today.”

Without a warning he parts your legs by propping his knee in between. Bending down to curl his strong arms around your thighs so he could lift you against the door frame. Your legs instinctively wrap around his waist as your back hits the door frame with a loud thud.

You moan at his sudden actions and he was quick to shut you up by kissing you roughly. Trapping your lip between his teeth, tugging lightly before he started to pepper your neck with wet kisses and love bites.

He moaned against your skin, nails digging deeper into your thighs as he tightened his grip, making sure not to let you fall.  

“Did you miss me that much baby?”

You nod furiously, your fingers tangling into his hair as he kept kissing your neck.

You feel his teeth graze over the sensitive spot below your jaw that he just ferociously sucked on. A breathy moan escapes your lips as you tug on his soft locks a little harder to let him know you wanted his lips back on yours, but he didn’t budge, grinding his hips into yours as he kept sucking hickey after hickey into your delicate skin.

“Tell me you want it.” He growls, grinding his hips against your clothed core once more. He grins smugly against your skin as your legs shudder at the barely-there sensation against your heat.

Your body was reacting to him in ways he had only fantasized about and he was going to take his sweet time with you. The number of times you almost had sex was infuriating, and he was sure to go through with it this time, swearing to himself that the only thing that could stop him right now would be a fucking fire in your apartment building.  

“P-please,” you pant, throwing your head back as you feel his tongue glide down your neck, going straight for your breasts.

The anticipation was too much. You hold onto him as he pulled his arms from underneath you, hiking up your shirt enough to where he could expose your tits.

He licked his lips, approving the sight; skillfully unclasping your bra with one hand.  

A string of curses and praises left his lips as he started to litter your chest with kisses, sucking on your nipple while he made sure not to neglect the other by rubbing circles onto the sensitive nub.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful” he cooed, placing you back on the floor.  He hooked his arm around your waist to stabilize you as the other found the hem of your skirt all while his mouth was still busy alternating between kisses and bites on your neck, lips and tits.

Lewd moans left your lips as his long fingers make contact with your clothed clit. “Right here baby?” he asks sweetly as his middle finger starts to rub slow circles against the fabric of your panties.

“Yes, baby please.”

“Please what?”

“Please, more.”  

His fingers pushed the fabric of your underwear aside, making contact with your bare skin for the first time. Your slick surprised him; it didn’t take much to get you this wet so he could only imagine how juicy you would sound with him buried deep inside of you.

He licked his lips at the thought, your moans only becoming less controlled as he spread your wetness between your folds with his long, cold fingers.

You whine at his teasing movements, hooking your leg around his waist to give him better access.  

At that his eyes found yours again before he pushed his ring finger inside of you completely while still rubbing circles on your clit with his thumb.

The sudden filling sensation made you gasp. The hunger in his pupils only amplified as he listened to your wetness being fucked by his finger. You were tightening around him already making him smirk to himself. “Not sure if I should let you cum after all that.”  

You whine in response and grab on to his wrist down there while your head fell back, enjoying him pump a second digit into you at a faster yet steady and comfortable pace.

It felt good, too good, and you knew that he knew exactly what he was doing to you.

“You’re so fucking tight, and wet. Fuck” he compliments before he pecks your lips again.

“ahh, Yeonjun, I’m close.”  

He curled his fingers inside of you, fastening his rhythmic tempo as he kept thrusting his fingers deep in and out of you deliciously.

God he was good. He didn’t lose his rhythm, giving you something to concentrate on which only brought you closer and closer to your orgasm.

“I-I’m gonna cum” you whine, biting down on the skin of his neck to control yourself.  

He wanted to deny you your orgasm, he really did. But he was too whipped for you to care all of a sudden. Having you cum for him is something he fantasized about for months now, and he wasn’t going to pass up on the opportunity. At least not now.

“Let go baby, go to heaven.” He encourages you, lacing the fingers of his free hand through your hair tightly as he rested his forehead on yours while the speed of his fingers thrusting into you started building a little more.

Your legs start to shake as you feel euphoria approaching and with a few more hard yet controlled thrusts, you come undone.

You fall quiet as your orgasm washes over you. A squeal escaping your throat as he slowly pulls his fingers out of you, maintaining eye contact before you see him do the hottest thing you’ve ever seen him do in your life.

He brought his fingers up to his lips, sticking out his tongue and curling it around his fingers, licking your wetness off of it while maintaining eye contact with you.

Your chest was still heaving up and down as you were trying to compose yourself from the first orgasm Yeonjun has ever given you and your mouth goes completely dry at his beauty. You’re dumbfounded by his dirty actions as he smirks again, grabbing your face with both hands as he kisses you once more, a lot slower and more passionately this time.

“You taste like fucking candy baby.” he smiles against your lips and you giggle at his lewd compliment. Shying away from him as the embarrassment of your loud moans from before suddenly washes over you.  

“Don’t hide that pretty face,” he says as he makes you look at him again, placing both hands on your shoulders before blinking at you intently.

He smirked again, slowly pushing you down until you were on your knees for him. You placed your hands on your thighs, submissively staring up at him with big eyes, waiting for him to tell you what to do.

The sight made him groan loudly in approval, tugging on your chin with his hand while his fingers pinched your cheeks together.  

“Are you going to let me fuck that pretty mouth of yours?” he asks licking his lips, rocking his hips forward a little.

Your eyes land on the tent that had formed in his pants and you gulp given his size.

You look up at him again, nodding sweetly as you start to undo his belt while keeping eye contact with him as he tightened the hold he had on your face.

He helped you fasten the process by aggressively ripping his jeans open, helping you pull his jeans and boxers down simultaneously all while staring at your naked body.

His eyes averted back to yours, and he looked at your bewildered facial expression when his cock sprung free. He was huge, fully hard and he had pre cum leaking from his angry tip. He grabbed the base of his cock, laying himself across your cheek to compare his largeness against your small face.

It got him off more than he liked to admit, and he caressed your cheek gently, love emitting from his pupils as you lick your lips, waiting for him to push himself into your mouth.

You take over from him, spitting into your hand to slick him up. You start to slowly pump him, making sure to twist your wrist to cover his whole base while applying the right amount of pressure.  

“Fuck. Yes. Baby,” He groans in approval, throwing his head back as he enjoys your skilled hands pump his shaft steadily.

You keep eying his facial expressions and you feel yourself getting wet again at the sight of his enjoyment.

You open your mouth, sticking out your tongue to lick the precum off of his tip. The action made Yeonjun’s had snack back in response, but he was quick to avert his gaze back to you.  

He looked at you part your lips even more so you could take more of him, and you nod; blinking a couple of times as a silent okay for him to start pushing his cock down your throat.

He loved how you knew what he wanted, and how well you were taking him despite his size. To be really honest your experience kind of baffled him. He secretly wanted to teach you everything he knew, to corrupt you and make you his personal slut – in the most loving way possible – but given the way his dick was almost balls deep down your throat without a single gag or whine, he knew that you knew what you were doing.

“Holy fucking shit baby.” He hissed through his teeth, slowly thrusting his long and veiny length in and out of your mouth.

You were taking him like a champ, keeping your eyes on him as you stabilized yourself on his thighs. You hum in approval and the vibrations almost drive him insane. He bucked his hips, and you lean back, letting him pull out of your mouth completely before he came too fast from your mouth alone.

Watching him was the best part. He’s never been so riled up for sex and that was purely because of the fact that it was you pleasuring him.

He crouched down, giving you a sloppy kiss on your lips and you grin back at him, enjoying the amused glisten in his eyes. “Condoms?”

“Bedside table.”

“Then let’s fucking go,” he huffs, picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder. You squeal and start laughing loudly, wiggling your feet around in protest.  

“YEONJUN!” you scream, smacking his back but he wasn’t having it, giving your bare ass cheek a loud smack before he swiftly opens the door of your bedroom, dropping you on the bed roughly.

As both of you were still laughing, he hovered over you, giving your neck a quick kiss before taking off his shirt and throwing it on the floor.  

He was completely naked now and you just stare at him, in awe of his physique. In awe of the fact that this toned, milky skinned man is all yours.

He noticed your gaze and the way your eyes were doing a full up and down analysis of his body. He stood before you confidently, snickering as he pulled you towards him by your legs, situating himself between your thighs.

He reached down to open the drawer of your bedside table as he leaned back, pumping himself with his free hand. The show he was giving you was one of heavenly proportions, and you weren’t sure if he realized just how hot he looked in the moment.

He scoffed, ripping the condom package with his teeth and discarding the rest of the foil on the floor.

“Why the fuck is the last one in the packet.” He scowls at you, rolling the condom onto his shaft without breaking eye contact and you can’t help but roll your eyes at him.

“I had a social life before we were a thing Yeonjun, now shut up and fuck me.”

“You’re gonna roll your fucking eyes at me while you’re lying in front of me like this? Bold move baby, I don’t think you know what I’m about to do to you,” he threatens as he leans into you. His hand now wrapping around your throat as he used his other hand to spread your wetness between your folds with his tip.

He silently aligned himself with your entrance, but you were too busy to notice, your mind completely occupied with his burning stare and the tightening hold he had on your throat.

Fuck you loved this, you loved him, and you were more than ready to feel him stretch you out.

“Don’t hold back.” You challenge him and he inhales sharply at the way you look under him, absolutely beautiful and bare. He pulls you even closer, making you rest your legs on each side of his shoulders.

“I won’t.” he smirks at you smugly, pumping himself a few more times as he kept staring at your body.

He didn’t ask confirmation for what he was about to do next, since he couldn’t wait any longer and honestly, the answer is pretty obvious. He pushed his tip inside of your tightness and eyed your reaction to him.

The stretch was intense yet heavenly, you licked your lips and watched his tip disappear in and out of you with ease.  

If his tip alone was making you feel this good than what the fuck was yet to come?

As you arched your back in pleasure, he knew he could continue with pushing his length into you a little further and so he did. You gasped simultaneously at the immaculate feeling of your walls tightening around his grit and he groans, being on the other receiving end of the sensation.

He slowly pulled out of you to do it again, and again, and again until you were comfortable enough to take all of him. He took his sweet time, enjoying your moans and mewls. He was nice enough to let you adjust to him, taking note when your body started to relax more with every thrust.

“S-so…fucking…big.” You were grabbing on to his wrists with full force, trying to take him without being a little bitch to your best ability but he was a lot to handle.  

You could easily take him in your mouth but since it’s been entirely too long since you’ve had sex with anyone it started to feel brand new, and his size wasn’t helping.

“U ok?” he asks as he kisses your temple sweetly, brushing your hair back with his fingers as he watches your face contort in both pain and pleasure.

He was sure to wreck you for your smart mouth, but the most important thing to him was your comfort, so he couldn’t bring it upon himself to live up to his threat.

You nod, burying your face in his neck as he starts to thrust into you a little deeper, agonizingly slow so you could adapt to him completely before he’d start to build up some speed.

“I…ah…I’m,” you start, but you’re unable to complete your sentence, too concentrated on being fucked by the love of your life.

Again, his rhythm was steady, almost robotic which gave you something to concentrate on other than being ravaged by his monstrous size. You were moaning, trying to form words but your mind was hazy. You were unable to tell him how well he was fucking you and how good he felt as your eyes roll back while he kept thrusting in and out of you with slow and deep strokes.

“Use your words baby. Tell me what you want.” he says in a whisper as he caressed your cheek with his thumb, finally releasing the hold he had on your throat this whole time.  

“More,” you moan, tugging at his grown-out hair on the nape of his neck and he growls in approval. Wanting nothing more than to be buried balls deep inside of you.

He silently caressed your thigh, taking one of your legs off of his shoulder, bending your knee up to your chest so he could plunge into you fully.

He watched his cock disappear inside of you completely and a low, yet throaty moan escapes your lips as you grip the sheets tightly, your knuckles turning white at how hard you were gripping at the sheets to deal with the stretch.  

He growled as he felt your walls contract around him, your tightness only edging him on to thrust into you faster and harder.

“Yes, baby. Yes!” you moan loudly, throwing your head back on your mattress, and he fastened his pace. Pounding in and out of you as he sucked on a newly found sweet spot on your neck.

“Ahh, so fucking tight,” he mused. “You’re sound so beautiful baby, fuck.”

He was praising you with every thrust. His pace steadily increasing, and you were just about to lose it.

You hated yourself for comparing him to your previous lovers in a moment like this, but you already knew that he took first place without a doubt. No one you’ve ever fucked came even close to how Yeonjun was making you feel right now.  

Your mind focusses on the steady pace of his thrusts again, your wetness combined with the dirty skin slapping noises edging him on to continue to fuck into you mercilessly.  

Your second orgasm of the night was approaching fast as you felt the knot in your stomach starting to form, and by the way you tightened around his cock even more. He sensed how close you were as your moans started to sound like pleading mewls.

He gave you a kittenish grin, biting down on your earlobe as he panted, moaning into your ear while his thumb found your clit, rolling delicious circles onto the sensitive nub. Applying more pressure with each of his thrusts.

“Y-yeonjun.” You gulp for air as you moan his name. “I can’t.”

“Yes, you can baby, yes you can. Come on. Do it for me.” He encourages you with a low voice, wanting nothing more than to see you cum on his cock.

His thrusts were getting erratic, the mix of your moans, his grunts and skin slapping sounds filled your room and he bent your other leg to your chest, exposing you to him completely as he fucked into you harder and even deeper than before.

You watched him bulge in your stomach, the feeling being just as intense as it looked and Yeonjun could swear that he had never seen a more arousing sight. He bit his lip, watching you completely lose it under him as you throw your head back, letting him have you the way he pleased as you grabbed on to your sheets again for some type of leverage.

Somewhere inside of you, you found the strength to lift your head to look up at him and the view alone of watching him fuck into you animalistically was enough to make you come undone completely.

Your orgasm washes over you so intensely that your whole body starts to shock around him, your legs shake uncontrollably, and he leans into you, muffling your noises with his hand so your neighbors wouldn’t start complaining to you the next day.

With a few more thrusts, you tightening around him even more and the visual stimulation of your extreme orgasm, he came. His liquids filling the condom to the brim after he pulled out of you completely.  

You whimpered at the sudden loss of contact and squeal.

He was panting heavily, watching you like a hawk as you bring your hand to your forehead, panting as you press your thighs together tightly, hoping it would subside the tension.

_ end of smut _

You were trying to calm down, but your chest was heaving up and down so quickly that it almost felt like hyperventilation. You closed your eyes in order to concentrate on your breathing, trying to get your heart beating at a normal pace.

He was quick to notice just how fucked out you were and speedily discarded of the condom, wrapping you into his arms as he held you tightly, patting your head in an attempt to calm you down.

“Shhh, it’s ok, it’s ok.” He kissed your temple, and then your forehead, and then your nose, followed by a quick peck on your lips.

“Baby talk to me. Are you okay?” Concern was evident in his voice as you stayed quiet, still trying to catch your breath at the overstimulation you just experienced.

“I need a minute,” you manage to say, your voice hoarse and barely audible but he understood.  

He caressed your back in comfort, letting his fingernails graze your bare skin in up and down motions to calm you down and you did, your lashes fluttering as you open your eyes slowly.

He just held you, pulling the sheets over the both of you so you’d feel less exposed and warm.

“That was incredible.” You finally speak up, completely calmed down from your adventure.  

You were tired though, unable to do and say what you wanted since your brain didn’t allow you to.

All the muscles in your body were finally able to relax after being in a complete state of flux for over half an hour.

“Damn right it was.” He kissed your bare shoulder, massaging your scalp with his fingers, applying just the right pressure, making sure to help you relax even more.

“Stop, I’m going to fall asleep like this,” you mumble into his bicep, your eyes closing involuntarily at the divine feeling of his warm embrace in combination with the massaging motions of his fingers on your scalp.

“Then sleep baby.”

“But I wanna talk. I missed you so much.” You pout against his skin, blinking slowly to fight the heaviness of your eyelids.

“Me too, but we can talk tomorrow, and the day after that…and the day after that.” He lowkey reassured you of the fact that he wasn’t going anywhere, and his words made you smile to yourself since the confirmation was something you didn’t know you needed.  

You nod, a small yet cute yawn escapes your lips with a squeal and the sound has Yeonjun’s heart doing martial arts in his chest. “You’re adorable,” he remarks and chuckles as he covered your shoulder with the duvet, making sure you were completely covered and warm.  

“Goodnight baby, I love you.” He hums into your hair, tightening the hold he had on your waist while brushing your hair back as you rest your head on his chest comfortably.

You close your eyes overwhelmed with his sweetness and the love you felt for him.

This is where you belong, in his arms. Safe and sound.

At the moment you felt as though nothing could ever change the way you feel about him. That there was nothing in the world that could tear you away from him. You were his and he was yours, and you were sure your neighbors knew that by now too.

“I love you too, Yeonjun.”

You’re awake and happy, despite the soreness in your body.  

You already showered, got dressed, had a coffee but Yeonjun was still asleep. You figured he’d be spent given the trip from home and the sudden family reunion at your place followed by the sexy stuff that happened afterward; so, you let him sleep in. Not having the heart to wake him.

You collected all of your scattered clothes throughout the house and made sure to fold them up for Yeonjun as he slept.  

When you got out of bed you replaced your own warmth with a pillow that he was clutching on to as his lips were parted slightly. Breathing slowly with your sheets covering his manhood while his chest was covered by the pillow he was holding.

You adore him some more before you find something hard in the pocket of his pants as you fold the piece of clothing, retrieving the item from his pocket.  

Ah, his phone.  

The screen lit up automatically, and you didn’t mean to snoop; but her name on his display was enough to make you frown, using his asleep face for facial recognition to open up his phone.

[Mia, 9.21 AM]: Last night was a blow.

[Mia, 9.21 AM]: We need to tell them today.

[Mia, 9.22 AM]: Or else I’m going to lose it istg.

[Mia, 9.23 AM]: How tf did you manage to pretend like everything was okay last night?

You’re….so….confused.

You look over to Yeonjun and bite your lip.  

Stop overthinking.

Just ask him when he wakes up….it’s probably nothing.

Your eyes dart from him to his phone again and you sigh, hating yourself for what you’re about to do.

You check his recent call list, and your eyes widen. All you see is Mia’s name.

Missed calls, calls that went through, calls from him to Mia and calls he had with her in the week he was ‘too busy’ while ignoring you.

‘Don’t. Freak. Out. Play it smart, play it safe.’ you tell yourself. You quickly put his phone back on the nightstand and put the pile of clothes next to it.

Walking out of your bedroom and closing the door behind you.

Yeonjun woke up about half an hour later. He looked around your room, but you were nowhere to be found. He frowned, discarding of the pillow in his arms that he was hugging tightly and as he did, so he found his phone on your bedside table, on top of a pile of his folded clothes from last night.

He didn’t think much of it, thinking you were in the living room or something but when he opened his phone and saw Mia’s already opened texts, he sits up immediately in shock.

“Fuck,” he curses, kicking the sheets off of him. He put on his boxers with the speed of light while making his way to your living room. Empty.

Kitchen, empty.

Bathroom, empty.

“Shit baby, where are you…”  

“Hey, hey, hey. What’s wrong?” Soobin rushed over to you. You were seated on a bench in the park in front of your apartment complex, reading the screenshot you took from their texts over and over again to make sense of it all.

You told him it was an emergency, so he hurried to your side as quickly as possible.  

He hugged you tightly and your lip starts to tremble as you bite down on it harshly, trying not to cry.

“Soobin, I hope I’m wrong, I really fucking hope I’m wrong,” your voice was shaky and laced with sadness as you looked up at him with big and confused eyes.

“Y/n…you’re scaring me,” Soobin says as he rubs your back, sitting down next to on the bench.

You hand him the phone in silence, and he smacks his lips in confusion as he read it, his pupils darting back and forth in disbelief.

“What is this?” He manages to ask, not understanding what was going on.

“You said she was acting weird since school started, they have been calling each other all throughout summer even when the semester started. When he was too busy to reply to my texts, he was on the phone with her…” you stop yourself from rambling and look at Soobin.  

He looked completely hurt. “This…has to make sense somehow. Don’t think the worst of it. Mia would never do this to me,” he tells himself in reassurance. She wouldn’t. He had to believe it to stay sane.

Soobin’s last relationship ended with the girl cheating on him and if it was to happen again, he wouldn’t be able to take it. Especially with Mia. He has never had a relationship that he was so sure about before, but this…and with Yeonjun? Nothing made sense to him.

“I’ll call her over.” Soobin says through his teeth... “They’ve got some explaining to do.”

Your phone was blowing up with calls from Yeonjun but you didn’t pick up, waiting for Mia to get to your apartment. You lured her in the same way you told Soobin to come, hoping that she would race to be by your side just as quickly, cause if not; you’d know enough.

To your surprise, she arrived in no time, her face full of worry as she approached, but when she saw Soobin beside you with an equally fallen facial expression to yours, she stopped in her tracks.

“W-what’s going on?” She asks as she made her way to you, putting a hand on your shoulder but you shrugged it off, making her step back in shock at your coldness.

“Soobin…” Mia started but he sighed. “Let’s go inside first.”

Yeonjun sat defeated on your couch after a quick shower and a change of clothes, waiting for you to return home. He sighed, rubbing his forehead but when he heard your door open, he got on his feet in a split second.

He made his way to the front door watching you walk in with sad eyes followed by Soobin and Mia.  

Oh…no.

“Baby…let me explain.” He starts, taking a step closer to you but you took a step back as he did. Hiding behind Soobin who stood between you two protectively.

Mia’s eyes dart from you to Soobin to Yeonjun and suddenly everything clicked to her.

“You saw the texts…” Mia speaks, her eyes looking down at the floor.

“Someone better start talking, or I swear to god.” Soobin says clenching his fists.

“It’s not what you think. I swear. We came here last night to talk to you both, but your parents were here and y/n you were so happy…I couldn’t do that to you..” Mia says she gets teary-eyed.

“Do what to me!? What are you talking about? Stop being so fucking vague.” You yell at them, your gaze lingering on Yeonjun.

Mia sighed, throwing her head back, emotion getting the best of her.  

“Yeonjun…please…after last night…I can’t…,” you didn’t finish your sentence because he already knew what you meant.

“It’s nothing like that. I swear. Y/n believe me.”

“Then what,” Soobin speaks averting his gaze to Mia.

“I was keeping tabs on y/n through her.” Yeonjun says with sad eyes, and Mia slowly walked over to Yeonjun’s side so she could look at both you and Soobin clearly.

“What?” you say confused as ever, why would he do that? Why would he need to consult your best friend instead of talking to you personally when he had the chance to.  

“That night of the funeral, I noticed something weird about him.” Mia chimes in. “He was looking at all of you as if he was trying to remember your faces and something didn’t sit right. I walked into the kitchen to talk to him and…”

“I wasn’t sure if I was going to come back.” Yeonjun says, finishing Mia’s sentence.

Your heart dropped, looking at Yeonjun with disbelief.

“Y-you weren’t coming back?” you question in horror.

“And you knew?” Soobin says averting his attention to Mia.  

She avoided his gaze, playing with her sleeves.  

“Y/n…you don’t get it. There are so many secrets, so much baggage. So much pain. I didn’t want to come back to you unable to give you what you deserve. I needed to make sure my past didn’t haunt me back to school.”

“So instead of talking to me about it…you were going to ghost on me?” You were past being just hurt. The fact that it was so easy for him to turn his back on you was beyond your comprehension; and the fact that Mia basically aided him in doing so only amplified how damaged you were by the revelation.

You couldn’t even be angry. You were just sad, disappointed, and broken.

“Y/n…being in the know could get you hurt. If malicious people were after the company, or if my dad had enemies I didn’t know about… I could never forgive myself if something happened to you because of me. If I told you, you would never leave my side. You know that.”

“Of course, I wouldn’t have left you!” you sniff. “You told me you loved me for crying out loud!” you yell at him as tears spill from your eyes and Yeonjun broke at the sight.

“Please…please don’t cry.” He stood in front of you, grabbing your face to make you look at him but you push him off of you. “You could have told me before you decided to fuck me last night.”

Yeonjun gulped. “N-no, y/n. Please. It’s not like that.”

Soobin glared at Yeonjun, anger filling his senses until his eyes landed on Mia, his anger turning to sadness as they made eye contact.

“What he does is his business. I get why he’d want to handle his business before he returned. I do. He could have handled it better, but we already know that Yeonjun hyung is fucked up. But you…lied to me…for two months…you lied to me so easily…Mia…that’s…” Soobin’s disappointment was evident.

“I was just…trying to help.” Mia sighed wiping the tears from her eyes.

You couldn’t even look at her. All the heartache you went through, venting to her about how much you missed Yeonjun all while she knew that he had no intention of coming back made you sick to your stomach.  

“When will you stop choosing other people over our relationship?” Soobin says, his sadness turning back to anger as he raised his voice a little.

“That night when Yeonjun hyung and y/n fought…you rushed to be with her instead of staying with me to go together. You left me that night and I needed you.”  

“Soobin…don’t…please.” Mia was sobbing by now. The empathy in yourself felt bad for her, but she did this to herself, and frankly, you were still too mad at her to jump in her defense.

“Why did you do it? Why did you keep it from me?” You sniff as you look at Mia, her heart breaking into a million pieces seeing your distressed state.

“Because I didn’t want you to be hurt…” she replies through her tears.  

You can’t help but scoff, aggressively wiping your tears from your eyes with your sleeves. “This hurts way worse,” you say as new tears spill from your eyes. You were trying to breathe normally through your tears, but you couldn’t manage to calm down until Soobin grabbed your hand.

Yeonjun was looking at you, defeated as ever. He lost. Again. “Y/n…”

“No…” you stop him from speaking. “Please, shut up. I hope you had your fun with me last night. If I’m such a joke to you then please grab your shit and leave.”

“Y/n, stop. You know how much I love you.” Yeonjun pleads. He needs you to understand that he felt like he didn’t have a choice. That it was an either-or situation to him, but you were hurt and angry. You weren’t going to listen to him now and he knew that.

“No, no I don’t,” you say looking down, and Yeonjun’s heart shattered.

“I don’t think I can be with someone who can’t seem to get her priorities straight. I was always afraid I loved you more than you loved me” Soobin states looking at Mia with hollow eyes.

Yeonjun, yours and Mia’s eyes widen simultaneously at Soobin’s cold words.  

You swallow harshly, looking up at him. “Soobin…”  

He didn’t look at you as he bit his lip, tears filling the brims of his eyes as he kept staring into Mia’s tearful eyes “I need time,” he says raking his hand through his hair. “Alone.”

“N-no, Soobin. I-” Mia starts, but Soobin was already on to the next.

“And you,” he says diverting his attention to Yeonjun as he pulls you behind him protectively as if he was hiding you from him.

“You hang up this sad story about wanting to work on yourself, making sure y/n gets what she deserves from you. Wanting to keep her safe from god knows what. But you return just as fucked up as you left? Maybe even worse.” Soobin snaps, taking a step in Yeonjun's direction but Yeonjun didn’t budge though.  

You pull him back by his arm, giving him a pleading look to contain himself.

Yeonjun was looking at his best friend with sad eyes for a second until he avoided his glare, looking at Mia on your couch with her face buried in her hands.  

“You can’t be mad at her. I asked her to keep quiet.”

“I don’t give a fuck what you asked of her. She’s her own person, making her own decisions. As are you.” Soobin strikes back.  

“Was it worth it? Did you at least find something useful about your family?”  

Yeonjun shook his head in disappointment and looked at you. You were still looking down, clinging onto Soobin’s arm for leverage. You were sure your legs were going to give out on you if you didn’t hold onto him, so you held on for dear life.

“I couldn’t find anything. I came back because Lita helped me realize that my happiness is here. With you, the guys…with y/n.

You glanced up at the mentioning of your name.  

“Nothing back home outweighed what I have here... My mind was clouded by loss and sadness. I couldn’t think straight and completely lost myself in the company and dealt with grief the wrong way, but I promise, I’m getting help. I’m going into therapy, I’m going to be better.”  

Soobin scoffed. “Seeing is believing,” he states as he tugs on your arm.

“Let yourselves out. I’m not staying here to look at your faces.” he says as he pulls you with him

You stop in your tracks, your eyes darting from a lost looking Yeonjun to a broken looking Mia.

Leaving them in your apartment while you left felt odd, but you didn’t know what else to do at this point.

You lock eyes with Yeonjun and quickly avoid his stare, sadness washing over you as you see a tear spill from the corners of his eyes.  

“Let’s go y/n.”

The halls of the massive Vila were completely empty.  

Yeonjun’s mother had left for a long day at Choi Enterprises a few hours ago. Leaving Lita on her own in the house.  

Lita’s heels were ticking on the marble tiled floor as she made her way through the endless halls.

Her stride slowed as she approached Daniel’s old home office, looking over her shoulder before she retrieved a key from her pocket to unlock the door.

She walked through, closing the door behind her, making her way to the bookcase in silence.

Her fingers grazed over the shelves, looking for the 13th book from the 9th shelf, Yeonjun’s birthday.

Lita pulled on the book and stepped back as the bookcase folded inwards automatically, revealing a staircase to a hidden bunker in the house.

She looked over her shoulder once again, calmly making her way down the hidden lair.

It was dusty and dark. The only things left in the room being an old desk, a computer, a phone, and some vaults.  

She waited patiently before the clock strikes 5.53 PM.

The old phone on the desk rang, just like they agreed on and she sighed contently, clearing her throat before she accepted the call.

“I did what you said. The boy isn’t a problem anymore. He went back to that college.” 

She took deep breath. Relaxing at the thought of Yeonjun no longer butting in to her business.  

“We can proceed with our plans, I still have people shadowing him just in case.” she says as she smiled to herself.

“It will all be ours soon honey. We’re closer than ever now.”

Chapter 12

[jjmaybanksbaby]

Where It Leads (Rafe Cameron)

Summer III

Part 06: Round And Round

series masterlist | previous part

summary: It seems like the stars have finally aligned to give Rafe Cameron and you a summer of blissful happiness.

a/n: This got a little longer than I expected but I'm not mad at it. I had to give them at least one summer of being cute together before the other shoe drops. The final part to this series will be out Thursday!

word count: 3.2k words (warning this gets decently smutty 18+)

The Island Club had a special glow to it as the sun sunk below the horizon and the thousands of fairy lights strung up around the yard flickered on. A breeze rippled through the warm summer air, making the perfect kind of weather. You took in the sight. The people mingling on the lawn, all dressed in their best clothing. Waiters dashing around, keeping everyone's drinks filled. Bits and pieces of conversations floated up into the night.

You'd finally settled on a long, black satin gown with a deep v-neck that’d you'd found hidden away on the sale rack. Your mother had fussed over how plain it was and how much skin it showed but you were sure it was the right dress from the moment you slipped it on. You'd agreed to let your mom twist your hair into a single braid that fell down your back and she’d stuck bobby-pins with tiny rhinestones in at random intervals. You had painted your lips a deep crimson red to pull it all together.

You were starting to understand the appeal of the whole thing. There was a certain feeling of glamour to the night. Your eyes roamed the lawn noticing Cleo and Milo snuggled close together on the dance floor, swaying to the soft music playing. That was new. Good for them. They looked happy together.

Most people were already here since your Nonna had insisted on being fashionably late.

The hair on the back of your neck stood up as you heard Rafe's voice from behind you. You turned around and the sight of him made your mind go blank. You'd let yourself picture how Rafe Cameron might look in a suit but the real deal was so much better.

Rafe cleared his throat snapping you back to reality. "You look nice," he said, the compliment bringing a smile to your face.

"You too, Cameron."

"Hey, come with me. I wanna talk to you." He reached down, taking your hand and you slipped your fingers between his, letting him lead you back inside. Almost every person you passed seem to know Rafe and smiled at him or stopped for a quick "hello."

He pulled open a heavy door and ushered you inside. It was the same bathroom where you'd meet Sarah for the first time while trying to escape boring lunch small talk. What were you doing here? Rafe leaned down, checking that all the stalls were in fact empty before turning the hatch on the door to lock it.

Rafe smiled at you widely. "Hi," he muttered as he brought his hand up to cup your face, running his thumb over your cheek.

The butterflies sprung up in your stomach almost immediately.

"Hi," you said back quietly, afraid of breaking the moment.

He walked you backward gently until you felt the cool wall against the exposed skin of your back.

His mouth was dangerously close to yours. His other hand landed on your thigh and he slowly slide it upwards. You weren't sure if you cursed buying a dress with such a high slit or were grateful for the easy access.

“Rafe, we can't do this again. Not here,” you warned but you were sure he could see right through your words. “We were both drunk last time.”

“And I’m completely sober now.” His hand inched closer to your core.

“Do you even remember it?”

“Do you really think I would have dragged you in here and have you pressed up against this wall if I didn’t? Yes, I remember it y/n. I remember the whole very clearly.”

Rafe dropped his voice to just above a whisper. He smoothed his thumb over the sensitive skin of your inner thigh. “Tell me to stop. Tell me you don’t want this.” But you did want. You wanted it so badly it was killing you. Every bit of you turned to jelly under his touch and you wanted Rafe’s hands all over your body. You had zero interest in telling him to stop. His fingers ghosted over your underwear and you let out a whine without realizing it. “See, I’m barely even touching you and you’re already whining for me.”

Your forehead dropped to his shoulder as he moved your underwear aside, dipping his fingers into your folds.

“Ah, ah, ah. Look at me, baby.” Rafe said, pushing your head back upright before he moved his hand down to wrap his fingers around your throat. His eyes meet yours. This was a different side of Rafe. Rougher and wild but incredibly sexy.

Another moan caught in your throat as he pushed two fingers inside of you. “Fuck, Rafe.”

Your back arched off the wall and a loud moan tumbled off your lips as he hit the sweet spot inside of you. “Good girl,” Rafe praised. His words turning you on even more.

Rafe could tell you were nearing your climax and slide his fingers out suddenly.

“Fuck you, Cameron,” you spit.

He laughed. “Please, it couldn’t be more evident that you want to,” he replied, hiking your dress all the way up to your waist, pulling your lacy underwear down to the floor before undoing his belt and kicking his own pants off. Your fingers fumbled with the buttons of his dress shirt, desperately pulling it open to run your hands over his beautifully chiseled abdomen. 

His clothed dick, bulging out of his boxers, rubbed against your clit and your hips bucked up automatically, craving the friction.

Rafe ran his thumb over your bottom lip, slipping it into your mouth as it naturally fell open. “God, you look so fucking hot right now y/n. So so pretty.” He pushed your hips back against the wall, harshly. “But let’s remember, I’m in charge here.”

“Please, Rafe,” you begged. You knew he was going to keep teasing you, loving the way you squirmed under his words.

Rafe pushed his boxer down this knees freeing his hard cock before pulling a condom out of the jacket, unrolling it over his dick. He lined it up with your entrance, pushing into your slowly. The pace almost making you cry out.

“Jesus, Cameron. Fuck me already if you’re going to,” you hissed, annoyed with the ends he was pushing you to.

Rafe chuckled, his eyes locked with yours as he slammed his whole length into you. You bit down on your bottom lip trying to stay quiet.

Rafe reached down, hooking your leg around his waist so he could enter you at a new angle. Your arms wrapped around his shoulder, holding onto him for support. Your breath hitched as his thumb began to rub small circles on your clit.

"Fuck, you feel amazing," Rafe said, his own breathing uneven. "I needed to do this again."

His mouth attached to your neck, kissing and sucking and you were sure you would find a hickey there tomorrow morning. He rested his forehead on yours, your mouths an inch apart.

You could feel your release growing closer and closer. Rafe's own movements were getting sloppy and desperate. He closed the distance, landing his lips on yours, catching your moans as you came undone. He continued to kiss you, slipping his tongue into your mouth, finishing just seconds later.

Neither of you moved for a few moments, savoring the feeling of just holding each other. Your lips met again, the kiss was sweet and slower but still full of passion.

“That was a super productive conversation, Cameron,” you joked.

“I didn’t come here to have one.” He smirked, moving away from you to slip back on his pants. You walked over to the mirror to evaluate how disheveled Rafe’s impromptu due need to fuck had left you. Some piece of hair had sipped out of your braid but they framed your face nicely making it look almost intentional so you could definitely get away with it. Your red lipstick was noticeably gone. If your mom got suspicious, you’d have to blame it on not being able to find a straw. Though the stain on Rafe’s own lips might give you away.

Rafe came up from behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder. You watched his movements in the mirror.

With a face like pretty it really was no surprise you found yourself in situations like this. Not that you were complaining. But Rafe had this pull on you that was truly indescribable but impossible to resist.

“Should we get back out there?” You asked. “People might start wondering where you went.”

“Let them,” Rafe replied, placing another kiss on your neck, just below the edge of your jaw. It was your favorite place to feel his lips on you. That spot in particular sent a shiver through your body whenever he kissed it.

“I’ll go first and you follow in five minutes.”

“We can just leave together,” he countered.

“Phoebe might see.”

Rafe hesitated, picking up on the double meaning of your words but wanting to avoid a fight over it. “Okay. You go first.”

☼☼☼

You let yourself get pulled into Rafe Cameron’s orbit for the remainder of the summer. You became a regular figure at the group’s parties, becoming especially fast friends with Riley as you spent more time together and bonded over the world that was high school theater. Milo had claimed you as his beer pong partner from the beginning and the two of you had managed to remain undefeated. The evenings usually ended in you and Rafe sneaking away to his house or yours, the culmination of sly glances and flirtatious winks you’d been teasing each other with the entire time. You left your window perpetually unlocked and learned how to dart across the Cameron’s front lawn without making the motion-sensor lights go off.

One summer night, near the middle of July, you were standing on Rafe's front porch having slipped out quietly when the light clicked on illuminated the yard, You froze, fearing you'd been caught by Rose or worse by Ward but instead, Sarah stepped out of the shadows, her eyes equally wide with fear of being caught.

"Shit, she cursed, half giggling. "I usually don't make that go off."

"Where have you been?" You asked her playfully.

"I meet a boy," she confessed.

Your features contorted into a smile seeing the happiness radiating off Sarah.

"Aw Sarah. I'm so happy for you. Just be safe, okay?" It was hard to believe but Sarah was now the same age you'd been when you and Rafe had first meet.

"Don't worry, y/n. Nothing's even happened. We just sit in his room, talking for hours," she paused, finally realizing the strangeness of you standing on her front porch in the early hours of the morning. "Oh my God. Wait? Are you and Rafe...? It’s about time."

You held out your hand to shush her. The look on your face giving away all your secrets.

"You're good for him," Sarah added. "You're good for each other."

The light clicked off again, the darkness of the night enveloping the two of you.

"That's my cue." You reached out, pulling Sarah in for a quick hug, placing a loving kiss in her blonde hair.

"Bye." She squeezed her arms tighter around your waist before letting go.

☼☼☼

You knocked on the door of Sawyer's pool house, the location the group had decided on for the night after a rather fierce argument in the group chat, one you had pointedly stayed our off. Rafe opened the door, smiling at your presence before stepping outside, pulling the door closed behind him.

He leaned down for a kiss. "Hi," he said.

"Hi," you replied, your lips meeting his.

His hand automatically reached for yours. "C'mon. I wanna do something fun tonight."

"But isn't everyone in there?" You pointed behind him.

"Yeah, but it's just gonna be the same boring thing. Sawyer's drunk already because he can't hold his alcohol for shit. Phoebe thinks we should hit up some touran's party. And Cleo and Milo are no-shows. So let’s go do something else."

You shrugged. You'd much rather have Rafe all to yourself anyway. "Okay, where are we going?"

“It’s a surprise.”

Ten minutes later and Rafe was pulling into the desert parking lot of his high school. “Welcome to the Kook Academy. That’s not it’s actual name but everyone on the island just calls it that since none of the pogues can afford to go here.”

The lofty walls of the private school loomed above you. It looked like a fucking castle that belonged in the rolling heels of Europe, definitely not in the middle of North Carolina.

“C’mon. You can see practically the entire island from the roof.”

“How the hell are we gonna get up there?” You asked.

“The lacrosse team pulled this sweet prank last season and I still have the keys to the roof. Plus, it’s summer. No one’s even here.”

“You’re gonna be the death of me, Rafe Cameron.”

He leaned across the middle console, sliding a hand being your neck and pulling your face close into his. “I promise it’ll be worth it,” he said before landing his lips on yours.

Soon you were climbing into his lips, straddling his hips. The roof-top adventure temporarily put on hold. You gripped his blonde locks as his hands worked their way under your shirt.

"I thought we were breaking into your high school?" You tesed.

"We are. Right now, I'm just trying to break into your bra," Rafe answered.

"Okay." You shoved his hand away. "On account of the fact that that was the worst comeback I've ever heard, let's go."

"I can't help it. Your tits were distracting me," he answered, trying to reach for them again.

You swatted his hand away "Rafe."

"Party pooper," he replied with a frown.

"You're such a drama queen." You leaned down for a quick kiss, tearing your lips away before he had the chance to pull you in deep.

Rafe hadn't lied. The view from the roof was breathtaking. You could see all the way to the end of the island from the top of the fourth-story building. The cars moving below were tiny dots, the people even smaller. You stood at the edge, your eyes fixed on the churning ocean stretching beyond the horizon. The whole thing felt eternal.

Rafe's eyes watched your own, the glint in them growing as you took in the sight.

"Holy shit, Rafe. This is amazing," you said, wrapping your arms tight around his neck, not looking away from the skyline.

"I thought you might think so."

The two of you stayed like that and watched the sun disappear below the horizon in a blaze of orange and pink glory before the dark night sky littered with brights stars replaced it.

The wind nipped at your skin, fiercer up here than on the ground. It made you snuggle into Rafe's side, stealing his body heat to stay warm.

"Ready to go back down?" Rafe asked.

"Not yet." You weren't prepared for this moment to end. You longed to stay in it, here, with him, for as long as you could.

"Okay," Rafe answered, pulling your back closer into his chest and wrapping his arms tighter around you to fight off the cold. "Okay," he repeated. He let a few more minutes pass before breaking the silence again.

“I bought you something.”

You turned to face him, eyebrows raised in surprise. Rafe had money, obvious, but you never knew him to be much of a gift-giver. Mostly, because he was hyperaware that the money belonged to Ward, not him. Rafe reached into his back pocket, producing a small black velvet box. You took it from his outstretched hands and opened it. Inside, lay a beautiful gold necklace with a single dainty star.

You look up at Rafe tears welling in your eyes from the romantic gesture. Your heart swelled. “Oh my God. I love it, Rafe.” I love you. You stopped yourself before those three little words, three words more explosive than dynamite, had the chance to slip out as well.

“Don’t cry, baby. It’s only a necklace. Want me to put it on you?”

You nodded, handing Rafe back the box. You lifted up your hair up with one hand and he carefully draped the necklace around your neck, fastening the clasp in the back.

Rafe smiled at the look of it hanging around your neck like a reminder that you always had him, that you would always have him.

“Thank you, babe. I seriously love it.” You took the necklace between your fingers peering down at it.

“Anything for my girl.” 

☼☼☼

Hours later, you were back in Rafe’s room, laying on top of him, your naked stomachs pressed together, your head resting on his chest, your legs intertwined beneath the comforter. Rafe ran his index finger lazily up and down your arm, goosebumps springing up in its wake. You lifted your head off his chest to look at him.

“I think we should maybe talk about what happened last summer," you started.

“Why?” He asked back.

“Uh, cause you told me to pick and I didn’t pick you. But then I get back to the Outer Banks and we sleep together within the first week.”

“But you’re not dating Evan anymore.”

“Right.”

“So what’s there to talk about. You’re free to fuck anybody you want. Preferably me, right now, again.” He eagerly moved you so that your already sensitive core, from the night's earlier activities, was straddling his thigh. You groaned at the contact, quickly shifting away as not to let him distract you from the conversation.

“What about Phoebe?” You asked.

“What about Phoebe?”

“Well, you took her to Midsummers.”

“Cause we’re friends and I knew it would make Ward happy.”

You paused. “But we’re friends.”

“Baby, trust me. Phoebe and I are not the same kind of friends me and you are.” His palm landed on your back, rubbing small comforting circles.

"Meaning you're not sleeping with her?" The words came as a question, though you’d meant it as a statement.

"Definitely not." Rafe paused. "It's just you."

This was the closest you'd come to having the 'What are we?' conversation. You had suspected the two of you had been exclusive for some time but it was refreshing to hear Rafe say it aloud.

"Yeah, it's just you for me too," you replied.

You started to move off Rafe's warm body. “Where are you going?” he asked.

“I gotta get home. My mom’s started going on these crazy 6 a.m morning runs and I’m afraid she’s gonna catch me sneaking it.” You leaned down to kiss him again. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Ward and I are leaving for those college visits tomorrow.”

Oh shit, you had forgotten about that. “And my flight back’s the week after that.” The implication of your words hung in the air. The summer was coming to a close and you couldn’t stop it.

“It’s okay y/n. We’ll call and text during the school year and next summer you’ll be back.”

“Right,” you agreed, trying to ignore the sinking feeling growing in your stomach. You had the summer-fling of your dreams with Rafe and here he was promising to stay in touch so why didn’t it feel good? Why didn't it feel right?

“I gotta go. Have a good trip.” You took Rafe's face in your hands hoping to kiss away the uneasy feeling. Rafe's hands wandered down to cup your butt, pulling you back on top of him.

“Rafe...” you trailed off as his tongue slipped into your mouth.

“Shhh,” he mumbled back.

You knew you should probably pull yourself away from him, staying would cut it too close with your mom but the way his hands roamed your body was making it hard to think about anything rationally. He rolled your hips against his already hard-again dick. Fuck, the things this boy did to you were dangerous. Besides, maybe this would distract you from that achy feeling you had about the future so you let yourself kiss Rafe back desirously.

But two weeks later, as the tires of your plane lifted off the runway, en route back to Oregan, that feeling hadn’t gone away in the slightest.

taglist! @oreoenthusiast13 [drop a ☀️ in my inbox or messages if you want to be added]

[razorblade180]

Always there

Inciting incident here!<-

After a long mission, Ruby Rose had finally made it back to her warm and cozy home. The seasoned veteran walked in with her tattered cape in her arms and removed her shoes from her sore feet. It would be nice if grimm stood still for once. The lack of pattering feet must’ve meant Garnet was napping. Her assumption was confirmed when Jaune came from down stairs with a story book, his eyes a little droopy.

Jaune:Hey beautiful. How was your mission?

Ruby: subterranean grimm is a crime against humanity. More so than regular grimm. What about you? Those eyes look like they need sleep.

Jaune:Don’t I know it? I only got back yesterday night with Carmine from camping, when distress call happened right as we were packing up.

Ruby:Was it bad?

Jaune:It....sigh, we were in desperate need of more people. A town got bombarded by a hoard, a big one. If that wasn’t bad enough, weather got ugly and the grimm were aggressive enough to track all the way to Ren and Nora’s orphanage.

Ruby:Are they okay!?!

Jaune:They’re perfectly fine. So were most villagers.

Ruby:Soooo is this just a tired face or is there something eating at you? *rubs his face* Did Carmine not listen out there?

Jaune:She did. Things were just heavier than expected for her.

Ruby:Heavy how?

Jaune:She....lost someone. Her room door has been shut ever since. This really hit her hard.

Ruby:Oh. Sigh, I’ll go talk to her. You go get some rest.

Jaune:You sure?

Ruby:Even super dad needs to take a breather. Give me several minutes and maybe you can start a bath for the both of us to float our stress away?

Jaune:Sounds like a plan, super mom.

Ruby:Pfft, not even, but I appreciate the compliment.

She kissed Jaune’s cheek then walked outside. Closed doors were a pain to get opened. Knowing her daughter, it was locked with things right on the other side of the hinges. Ruby took the faster route, petal bursting up around the Carmine’s balcony. As luck would have it, the balcony door was actually opened and the young Rose laid on her bed with her eyes locked onto Ruby’s. Knocking may have been less awkward in hindsight. Ruby opened the screen door of the balcony to let herself in. Unprepared for this actual talk, Ruby sorta....stood there aimlessly. Her daughter looked just as tired as Jaune. Ruby brushed the hair in front of Carmine’s face with a single finger, swirling the strand around.

Carmine:.....

Ruby:Ummm hehe, I’m home?

Carmine:The door was unlocked ya know?

Ruby:I never know with you. Plus I figured you weren’t in the mood to move. Umm, may I sit?

Carmine:*pats bed* Be my guest.

Ruby:Have you slept any since being back?

Carmine:Nope......talk to dad?

Ruby:Yeah but no specifics. Care to fill me in, if you want to that is?

Carmine:Not much to say. Arrived on the scene to help evacuate the people. I had a clone make a path of roses while several more started killing grimm. One of them had came across this girl who was crying for her mother as she bled in the mud, so I tried saving her. It didn’t work out.

Ruby:And?

Carmine:....

Ruby:Carmine I know there’s more.

Carmine:I...she....the path I made wasn’t safe. I had to take a longer one which ate valuable time. It may not have been my actual body but it felt like I could feel how cold she was getting. All I can do his sing her your lullaby; meanwhile me, the real me, found the mom after cutting down wave after wave of beowulves and several stupid monkeys. They got really aggressive, and I got so, so tired. I had to use my eyes; dad’s permission of course. It saved my life but that mother...I was too tired to save her. Apart of me wanted her to yell at me. To just give some kind of anger, but she didn’t. All she could is tell me that I’ve done enough and how thankful she was that in her time of need, Ruby Rose’s daughter saved her own daughter.

Ruby:Carmine...

Carmine:*trembling* I looked that woman in the eyes and told her that little girl was safe, but I don’t know if I did that for her comfort or my own. I just know a woman thanked me when all I did was fail her and the daughter. All because I wasn’t good enough.

Ruby:And that’s where I have to stop you. I’m no stranger to losing ones I wanted to save. It hurts, but sadly it’s unavoidable. The point is to never stop trying to save everyone. I didn’t have to be there to know that you tried your absolute best; there’s no shame in that. Only perseverance.

Carmine:....

Ruby:....Do you wanna be alone?

Carmine:No. Not really. I just...I can’t stop thinking about that mother and seeing you; or how that child looked so terrified. Like how I was back then, like....I still am.

Her entire body tensed up. Carmine could feel the fear carved into her back begin to manifest. The only comfort keeping the memories and tears away was her own mother positioning Carmine so her head laid still on Ruby’s lap; where she continued to feel gentle fingers run through her hair.

Ruby felt her own heart ache. It was rare to see her daughter waver. Carmine always stood firm in the face of tragedy. Ruby knew well that a person could only do that so much before they needed to break. It happened to her family, to Jaune, and even herself. It’s why having people to lean on was so important. Even the brightest sparks had to be rekindle now and again. Ruby didn’t need a long winded speech to say right now. Even she could tell right now that all her strong baby girl wanted right now was to be a daughter with her mother.

Ruby: Dream of everything. I’ll make it all come true. Everything you need, is all I have for you~

The tears couldn’t be suppressed any longer. Carmine hated it, but she began crying in frustration.

Ruby: I'm forever, always by your side. Whenever you need a friend I'm never far behind.

If the stars all fall, when there's no more light; and the moon should crumble. It will be alright.

Don't you worry about the dark. I will light up the night with the love in my heart.

I will burn like the sun; I will keep you safe and warm.

Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day. I will be there to take all your fears away.

With a touch of my hand. I will turn your life to gold~

Ruby looked down to see her daughter gripping the hem of her dress, eyes shut tight but crying nonetheless. Gently, Ruby rubbed her thumb across Carmine’s face not to wipe tears, but add the comfort she needed; to reaffirm an undying oath as a parent to her child.

With a touch of my hand, I'll turn your life to gold.

[sailingintothenight]

“HAPPY.” T.H. Imagine.

Tom meets a little angel and you, her mom.

A/N: After reading some stories about single mom x Tom that were totally adorable, I wanted to write my own story that ended up being longer than expected. I hope you like it, please give it a try. Thank you! (And If you have time, listen to Kim Taeyeon and her song Happy :)

With a long sigh, Tom closes the door to the room and falls to the floor, because the pain on his shoulders is as heavy as the whole world.

The melon-colored walls and wooden flooring gives the hospice a warm touch, but the air in his lungs is cold when Tom takes a deep breath that comes in, trying to find spaces to fill in his soul and empty body. There is no one around him, no paparazzi, no interviewers, no fans screaming his name, no excitement of being a movie star who shines for his talent and charm. His heart beats fast against his chest, like an animal that hit the cage's bars that keeps him prisoner: it is fierce because he is afraid, and he feels as if he were falling into a spiral of madness in complete solitude. His hands tremble because the self-control slips from them like the sand between his fingers, fingers that he uses to brush his somewhat long and wavy hair, pulling on the ends because the pain is a reminder that he is still alive.

"Why are you so sad?"

The world lets him hear a voice that seems covered in cotton candy, as sweet as the 4-year-old (soon to be 5) girl in front of him. Tom blinks, confused, watching the infant's small face and the way her eyes look back at him until it finds his sad soul. Her eyes are dark blue like the calm waters of the sea, blue like the summer sky, alive and full of curiosity behind her long lashes: two hidden treasures that were a gift from her father. But the color of those eyes contrasts beautifully with her chocolate brown hair that falls past her shoulders and her white jacket with bunny ears hanging behind, while a melody is heard from the headphones hanging around her neck, a feminine voice that sings in another language, but whose voice is of a warm color that even Tom can perceive.

"Hello there, angel." Tom smiles feigning courage, and stops being a defeated body on the ground to change his posture and squat to be at the (emotional) level of a girl. "What are you doing here alone? Where is your mum?"

Marley smiles sideways, the corner of her lip curling up as her right eyebrow sinks in with the depth of her thoughts: she's skeptical, because she knows something is wrong with him.

“My mom says that if you smile very, very big, you will feel happy immediately. It is a psych... psychological fact.” Marley struggles to say that word, because she is still 4 years old and her bag of words, as she calls it, is still limited.

Tom smiles slightly, not with happiness because something is pressing on his chest still, but because he’s amazed at the intelligence of a little girl who wasn’t older than 5 years old. And suddenly, a tiny, positive feeling runs through him with a super speed and leaves him as fast as it came, but Tom discovers what it is right away and clings to it with firm hands while his eyes, that are like chocolate, shine with the curiosity of a small child, too.

"Oh yeah? Your mommy must be very smart then.”

Marley shrugs casually.

"She reads a lot." She says it as a fact, and her clasped hands in front of her make her look like someone bigger's action, or so Tom thinks, taking in every detail of her without realizing it. "Would you help me with something? I can't reach the vending machine and I want a yogurt.”

"Oh, sure." He replies, still a little surprised by a baby's choice of words, and soon as he gets up, he feels ashamed of himself as he remembers that vocabulary seemed like a difficult word for him. "I'm Tom by the way. What is your name, angel?”

"Marley. Marley Rose."

Marley smiles at him, throwing her head back so that she can look him in the eye, because Tom is taller than she is. Tom can't help but smile, and can't help but feel the tickle in his left hand as Marley catches his to guide him - which gives him a warm feeling. She leads the way down the hallway that is quiet so late at night, towards the empty living room and to the gigantic machine that is challenging for her and her short stature.

"Marley, where's your mum?" Tom asks again, because although he’s a good person, he can't help but feel concerned about seeing a little girl alone.

Standing next to him, Marley looks at him and the light from the machine makes the corner of her face shine.

"She is with my Grandma. She gave me this dollar to buy something downstairs, but the machine doesn't have chocolate yogurt!”

"No way!" Tom says, speaking a little louder, making a slightly high-pitched voice to imitate her: and it makes her laugh a sweet tune, like the sound that keeps coming out of her headphones. "Let me help you get your yogurt."

Tom takes the bill from her small hand and inserts it into the machine, he presses the number indicated on the screen, and then the machine pushes the yogurt bottle towards the opening at the bottom.

"You did it. Thanks, Tom!" Marley presses herself against his body in a quick hug before reaching her prize, happy.

Tom smiles; he cannot help it when he sees her open her bottle, because she is so sweet, so innocent, and because something is recomposed inside him by feeling the pure aura of a girl who seems to hide in her words, the wisdom of a much older person.

"Come on, angel. Let's go to find your mum."

Marley nods, the bottle still against her lips as her small hand reaches for Tom's, and again, she guides him down the hall to the gray-door elevators on the other side of that floor. But the questions that Tom has in his head disappear the instant those metal doors open under the sound of a ding, announcing the encounter with a person on the other side, a young woman who looks at him under the seconds that seems eternal to him, as if the world had stopped in his favor only to make that moment last more than a few seconds.

"Mommy!"

Marley's voice is even sweeter because she recognizes her mom, the being who gave her life and, who loved her, more than anything in the world. Tom watches you get out of the elevator and it's then that new questions appear in his blank mind, questions that, while are quite obvious, are quite difficult to assimilate.

"Marley Rose Daniels, you had me worried." But you sigh in relief, because your fears leave your body the moment you see her again. At that very moment, it is when you realize who is the young man who is holding your daughter's hand, because you know that he has been walking those hallways for a while, but that is a story for later. "Hi, thanks for taking care of her, please don't think I'm a bad mother."

"No, I could never-" Tom says, and then, he realizes he's speechless: because you look so young, so pretty too, and right there, Tom understand why Marley got such a sweet face. "Don't worry about it."

"That's good. Thanks." You say, slightly embarrassed, and your gaze that falls to the ground meets your daughter's eyes. "You pinky promised me that you wouldn't go away too far, Marley."

"But mommy, there was no chocolate yogurt downstairs." And at that moment, Marley lets go of Tom's hand, her head held high as she approaches you because she is not afraid of you, nor the reprimand that never comes, and instead, her hand takes yours and she looks at you with her warm gaze and her eyes with the color that some considered cold. “Sorry.”

"Stop obsessing over that yogurt."

"Never!" Marley pretends to be upset and frowns, taking a firm stance that makes you chuckle, and that makes Tom chuckle, too, because that interaction between you and her makes him happy when he realizes that you two are only joking, as if you were best friends. "Mommy, this is Tom, Tom, she is my mommy."

And you chuckle again, because, although your name is not mommy, it makes you feel proud to be called that way.

"I'm her mommy, but my name is (y/n)... Daniels." You extend your hand towards him, and a tickle runs down his hand before taking yours.

"Tom Holland."

"I know." You smile, rocking his hand in yours, because his hand is still closed, still intertwined with yours.

"You know? Oh.” Tom chuckle shyly because the movie star title still makes him blush, and is a thought that prevents his brain from noticing that his hand is still taking yours while his heart is still wrapped in the warmth of your fingers tips. "Oh, sorry."

"Don't worry about it." You smile, giving him his past words as you clear your throat, so that your next words don't tremble under your shyness. "Well... I think it's time to go home."

"Yeah." Marley and Tom respond: he, in a whisper coming from between his lips before he can stop it.

You chucke, but pretend not to hear it as you press the button on the wall, the metal doors opening instantly under the usual sound. With Marley's hand in yours, you walk in with Tom behind you, taking his place inside the little spot next to her, but when you try to push the button to the basement parking lot and he, the button to the first floor, your hands meet inches away from touching again, bringing nervous laughter.

"Sorry." You both say at the same time, and the timing makes you giggle again.

But with the floors selected, the doors close and your chest clenches painfully, as if the closed doors cut off the air that you can still breathe.

"Don't be scared, mommy." Marley says sweetly, but her hand on yours gives you courage.

"Thanks, baby." And when you look up, Tom is too slow to take his eyes off of you, and they reflect the question you can easily see in his tender gaze. "I'm scared of elevators."

"It's okay." Tom smiles, as if he wants to give you courage, too. "We'll be out in a sec–"

But his words are cut off like the lights that suddenly go out when the elevator stops abruptly, giving way to the emergency lights that only project their light on your most absurd fear after seeing so many accidents on television. Your throat closes painfully, as the air becomes hotter than normal, and for a second, you stay where you are, your hand holding your daughter's as Tom approaches the wall to press the emergency button.

"It must be because of the rain." He says, in an attempt to keep you calm. "Don't panic, the lights will come back in a moment."

"I hope so." You whisper, suddenly weak, fearful.

"Don't be scared, mommy." Marley hugs you, and her small hands cling to the side of your body, like the heat that she shares with you as the courage she gives you to keep you calm. "But can we sit down? I'm tired."

"I'm so sorry, honey, you should be asleep by now." You say and take the bottle of her hand, sitting on the floor and placing yourself in a comfortable position so that she can sleep on top of you.

"Tom, come, sit next to us." She says, and Tom smiles, and although he feels shy, he sits next to you against the cold ground. Protected by her mom's heat, Marley smiles, her head resting at your chest height, and she hides her eyes behind her eyelids that close with the fatigue that her small body can no longer bear.

"She's beautiful." Tom whispers after a few seconds later, and his gaze stays fixed on yours so you can see that he's serious, and that he's somehow, he’s talking about her inner beauty, too. "She's really smart too."

"Thank you." You whisper back, maintaining somehow, the pleasant silence. "I do my best to raise her, I really do, but sometimes I feel like she raises me."

Tom smiles.

"She told me that smiling makes you happy, that it was a psychological fact. I didn't know that such a little girl could pronounce that word. I can't even say vocabulary.”

You chuckle.

“She is 4 years old but talks like a woman sometimes. And when she talks to my best friend on the phone, I swear they can talk for hours. I think it was not a good idea to teach her what Kpop was, because they both don't stop talking about it. Sophia even bought her an Ipod.”

"Oh yeah, I totally understand you..." Tom says, feeling a strange joy at noticing that you have one thing in common. "Danielle, my mate's girlfriend is crazy about kpop too.”

"Yes, I know..." You sigh, relieved to be accompanied in the dark situation. “It looks like we will be here for a while so... Yogurt?"

Your outstretched hand holding the bottle makes him see you're serious, and Tom smiles unable to refuse the gesture, so he takes it, his fingers brushing yours along the way, giving it an electrifying feeling.

"Wow..." He says after drinking a little. “I get why Marley is so obsessed with this. This is really good!"

You smile, and something inside you breaks: setting aside the pain, maybe it wasn't a bad idea to have moved to London.

[poetrusicperry]

hey! so i saw your lil post about wanting some inspo? i love your writing so i jumped at the opportunity haha

i’m terrible at describing myself buuut my name is rose and i go by she/her pronouns. i’m an intj and a gemini who loves to read, write, and listen to music at every chance i get!! i’m super organized and determined and my friends usually see me as the mom friend in the group who knows everything and is prepared for every situation lol. i also play the guitar and love playing sports (especially golf, fencing, and tennis!!). i’m really dedicated to school and cannot wait to go to college (hopefully in the northeast area of the us because i love the seasons and general vibes from over there!). i’m in love with the dark academia aesthetic but also love that cottagecore kinda forest witchy vibe (and i read tarot too!)

anyway, i hope you have an amazing day and don’t worry about getting to this!! i’m sure you’re very busy but i thought i might try to request something 🥰💕💕

@ your strike-through comment: thank you so much, that means everything <3(':

this one is for you. i had a lot of fun writing this, so i'm hoping you like it (:

ship:

i’ve decided to ship you with meeks because of how organized/driven you are (: and i’ve decided to switch up your hcs a bit to be about college instead of welton or high school

hcs:

college applications would be the most stressful experience, but with meeks’ help, it was not as bad (you both applied to about six or seven schools between massachusetts, vermont, new hampshire, and new york)

you getting accepted into all the schools you applied to, choosing northeastern university, and meeks getting into five, choosing mit !!!

a couple back to back weekends going dorm room shopping with meeks and his mom (he’d get a bit flustered at how “embarrassing” his mom was being while she would gush about how her baby was going to college and she was so proud of him)

meeks coming over during the summer to help you pack things to bring with you to college

this was a very long process (and would take all day) because you had a particular way of organizing what went into which box (you’d have to explain this to meeks like four times, and he’d still ask you before putting things into boxes, just to make sure he wasn’t messing up your groove). it would also take a while because half the day was spent queuing/picking music to play

after a long day of packing, he’d take you out to have a milkshake and cheeseburger (:

the next day you’d go over to his house and help him pack, being driven crazy by his nonchalance at just throwing random things into random boxes (“stop. take everything out. we’re going to organize this, or i’m going to organize this, even if you don’t want to”)

after separating all the things into labeled boxes, he’d feel pretty relieved that you were there to help him through this heh

before summer was over, the meekses would invite you to the country club a few times where you’d spend the days beating meeks in tennis and golf, drinking way too many arnold palmers, and taking long golf cart rides with meeks (:

helping him with move in day !!! (“rose, please be careful with my telescope !!” and “meeks, use the hand truck, you don’t have to carry three boxes all at once; you’ll never get up the stairs like that”)

he’d be amazed at how easy it was to unpack when everything was so organized in the boxes and made a mental note, striving to be more organized like you

meeks, of course, would help you move in as well (“meeks, please be careful with my guitar !!” and again, “use the hand truck ! those boxes are heavy, meeks”)

getting to know the people on your floor by doing tarot readings (:

when the poets came to visit meeks the first time, he insisted you be there, too (: you guys had a great night of exploring boston and sitting in boston common reading poetry

blurb:

things had been pretty quiet between you and meeks during the first week of term as you both were getting acclimated to your classes and new surroundings. on friday night, meeks would call you and ask to meet up, to which you, of course, said yes. he’d take a cab to northeastern and knock on your door after climbing the stairs to your floor. when you opened the door, he’d greet you with a huge smile and an even bigger hug,

“hey you,” he’d say, “how was your first week??”

“pretty busy, i’m sorry i didn’t call or anything,” you’d hug him tightly.

“yeah, i was pretty busy, too, don’t worry,” he’d laugh, and you’d notice he was holding a grocery bag.

“what do you have?” you asked, pulling him into the room.

“well, i figured we could both use a relaxing night in, and pitts said i could take the hi-fi, so i figured we could order in some dinner and listen to music,” he ran his hand through his hair and smiled at you.

“i’d love nothing more,” you’d return the smile and you two would spend the rest of the night eating way too much chinese food, talking about classes, and slow dancing to the songs on the radio.

[qlistening]

Is Now a Good Time to Become a Hippie?

Ha ha fun little opening note: I opened my iPad to write this and saw the Cornell notes template and now I’m wondering how the people who had to take Cornell notes to get through college are doing these days. Probably not well.

I’m cracking open the blog again this summer to really do some justice to the two month identity crisis that I, and maybe you, have been experiencing since graduation. I’ve been through the wringer, like most people, with the classic post-grad crises of “What am I doing with my life?” and “What am I even good at?”, and “Will I ever have fun again like I did in college?”. But honestly fuck those crises. That kind of shit is so cliche and boring to talk about. I need bigger broader shit on my plate. The type of existential garbage that can really wreck you. The types of questions that can’t be answered by your Mom saying “it’s okay honey”.

So the set I came up with is as follows: “What rules should I live my life by if I truly believe that our society will crumble to climate change in 1 - 2 generations?”, “How can I ever protect my soul from capitalism when I need the constant stimulation of city life to distract me from my depression?”, and “If I reconnect with my hippie childhood, will it destroy my chances of happiness and success later in life like it did for my parents?”.

I know what you’re thinking: “That’s an awesome list Ava. I wish I could have come up with that myself”. Sorry you can’t be me. 

It’s got just enough “this girl needs to lay off the acid” undertones to be dismissed by the common man, yet is valid enough to make any stoner or stoner+ (the + is psychedelics) a little itchy. 

Whithought further ado--I left this typo in here because I couldn’t stop laughing at it--, lettuce unpack these crises.

1. What rules should I live my life by if I truly believe that our society as we know it will crumble in 1 - 2 generations? I wish the answer was as simple as “more whippets”, but sadly, it just never is. There are actually a lot of sub-questions here like “Is enough change to reverse the course of climate change even possible at this point?”, “Does our species even deserve to be saved, or should we lean into the suffering and let the deer dance on our graves?”, “What the fuck are you supposed to be with your life when you can’t bring yourself to reproduce because the world is ending so you have to constantly invent a sense of purpose for yourself instead of just using your kids as a cop out?, and lastly “What if you’re making a mistake by not going to Mars with Jeff and Elon na d the vibes there end up being super lit?”

You see, I’m really good at coming up with these questions, but pretty bad at answering them. All I’ve come up with in terms of the rules and purpose part is just to vibe it out and focus my energy on good ol’ drugs, sex, and rock n roll till the end. But UH OH! Now I’ve become my parents. 

Perhaps I could focus on nature, gratitude, and spirituality? OH CRUD! Now I’m Rose, who has definitely reconciled these issues better than me, but has the advantage of being an introvert. Shorty don’t need that social stimulation like I do and can just go hermit mode when the going gets tough. Not I. 

How about a commune? Tempting, but I’ve heard about a lot of commune drama in my day and don’t really want to get whisked into some Midsommer shit by accident. 

Comedy? Can’t go monetizing my best coping mechanism, now can I? 

Pose your questions to a broader audience in folk songs like Bob Dylan? I think I’m too street for that and I can’t play the guitar. 

Focus on work and being successful? Nope. Work blows and I’m supposed to be protecting my soul from capitalism.  

I tend to treat this question like the hard ones on the EOGs and just skip it and plan on circling back later.

2. How do I protect my soul from capitalism when I need the constant stimulation of city life to distract me from my depression? And when I say I need that shit, I mean it. New people. New shit to do. All the time. I ain’t havin’ no baby, so settling down isn’t in the cards either. There is no scenario where I am going to move out to the suburbs just to stare at my husband every night for 30+ years or, in a more likely scenario, stare at the wall. I’m staying on the scene for a long time, maybe forever. 

That being said, the city is ripe with capitalism. Everyone works like a dog 24/7, switching back and forth between 2 - 4 Apple devices to accomplish God knows what in the grand scheme of things. Tech, finance, and marketing (the classic city trio) have to be the most pointless and cutthroat industries we have come up with to date. It feels like you have to have to have one of those jobs to live there. To afford it, sure, but beyond that, to know that you beat out someone else to get it and that you have successfully stepped on your first of many necks on the way to the top.

I’m moving to Chicago in like 2 weeks to work in tech/finance and sucking my own dick for having a management position so, clearly, I am not above any of this. But I sure wish I was. Even the first month of my soul-selling transaction feels like it has taken years off my life and dulled my flame quite a bit more than school ever did. So I am on the LOOKOUT for ways to get my mouth on some deep dish pizza and fine Chicago men without all of these bullshit side effects. 

And Finally…

3. If I reconnect with my hippie childhood now, will it destroy my chances at happiness and success like it did for my parents?

I feel like this one needs to be elaborated on a little more. For anyone who doesn’t know, my parents are both raging Dead Heads who practiced the art of escapism together on tour for 20 some years until Jerry Garcia died tragically in ‘95. In a desperate search for a new purpose, they popped out me and my sister and now we’re all living the middle class dream in a ranch house on the outskirts of Greensboro. “But at least they’re happy and they love each other right?” Nope. Ls all around.

Sadly, this isn’t just my parents. This seems to be the classic hippie timeline. You feel good, get high, get laid, and indulge your senses in your 20s and you realize that none of it is monetizable and come out the other end begging for capitalism to take you back and bless you with a mediocre career. I know I sound like Nixon right now, but I’m just reading off the data from what I’ve seen. 

Shit is really fucking sad man. I just want to think and feel and vibe and enjoy the world for what it is before it gets too crispy but I feel like I can’t. Any step away from my career feels like it will just land me at the bottom of the totem poll with a job that sucks even more than the one I started with. And yeah, I’m a lot smarter and slicker and decidedly childless than my parents, but it feels like a big fucking dice roll to do the same thing that they did and expect a different outcome. I mean they are the two most genetically similar people to me on the planet, after-all. I really do think I have to be careful and stick with the straight and narrow for now. Bummer because I would like to just bool before the world ends, but unfortunately, that’s going to take a little too long for me to avoid these problems. 

In conclusion: I believe the answer to the question I posed in the title is “Not really and I should probably start hashing these things out with a therapist instead of a tumblr blog sooner rather than later”.

And if you are wondering, no I am not high right now, but I am about to be because that shit was heavy.

[taeken-my-heart]

Moirai Chapter 16

Summary: On your 18th birthday a name appears on your wrist. The name of your soulmate. It’s a momentous day that everyone looks forward to, but you’ve always brushed aside; refusing to believe in a fickle mistress called destiny. But what happens when on the morning of your 18th birthday you wake to find the name of your mortal enemy? Jeon Jungkook.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader Genre: Soulmates au/ Enemies to lovers au. Angst, fluff, bickering, romance, eventual smut.

Word Count: 7995

NOTES: This is THE chapter so buckle in. You’re welcome and also…I’m sorry, hahahaha. 

Also, thank you so, so much to @johobi and @hobios for helping me with the draft of the smut scene. Your thoughts and critiques helped me so much and I’m really grateful!

**

You weren’t sure if people could smell like bus, but if they could then you most certainly did. An hour bus ride home with a small overnight bag was uncomfortable enough, but the guy next to you fell asleep about half way through and your shoulder became his unfortunate pillow. 

He wheezed in his sleep and you’d tried to wriggle your way from underneath him but he was much bigger and heavier than you and if you wriggled too much the bushy red beard attached to his face would have made its way into your own. 

Your dad was at the bus station waiting for you when you arrived. The sleeping man had yawned and stretched as if he hadn’t just been invading your personal space for the better part of 30 minutes before standing and disembarking. 

You smiled at your father in relief as he waved from beside the car before making your way over, slinging your bag over your shoulder. 

“Hey dad.” You smiled, giving him a big hug and he squeezed the air right out of your lungs with a laugh. 

“It’s been too long, baby girl!” He grinned, ruffling your hair and you frowned. 

“You should know to never touch a woman’s hair.” You huffed.

“Your mom likes it.” He shrugged with a wink and you grimaced.

“Ew, dad, too much information.”

The car was stuffy with late summer heat but your dad turned the ac on quickly and put the car in reverse. The scenery was all mostly as you remembered; the suburbs didn’t really change much, it seemed. A new house here and there, a restaurant you’d never seen before, but otherwise it seemed trapped in time. 

It was comforting and a little unnerving all at the same time. You felt like you were traveling back in time with a fresh set of eyes. A strange sense of déjà vu settled over you; like suddenly you had a do over. 

“Once we get home we’ve gotta get ready to go over to the rehearsal. Your mom and sister are already over there helping set some things up.”

“Sure,” you nodded, “I’ll just drop my bag in my old room and we can go straight from there.”

Your bedroom looked different these days. The bedding was the same and there were still some of your old awards and pictures hanging on the walls, but most of the things that gave a room personality and injected the feeling of being lived in had been removed when you’d gone off to college. 

You really hadn’t been back to this bedroom much in the last 12 years. Between your bachelor’s degree, medical school, and now working in the city, you hadn’t had the time or even the inclination. Besides, you’d moved in with Jimin not long after the two of you had started dating so it hadn’t made sense to go back home at that point. 

You dropped your bag on your bed, the blanket looking as though it hadn’t been used since the day you’d moved out. You didn’t have time to examine anything further or feel nostalgic so you left your room quickly, heading back out to the car where your dad was waiting. 

**

The wedding venue was large and bright; much like your sister. You could see her at the front of the dining hall, directing someone who was hanging fairy lights from the ceiling and looking beautiful in her daisy yellow sundress and white sandals. You felt underdressed in your jeans and tank top, but you’d only brought one other outfit and that involved sweatpants, so beggars couldn’t be choosers. 

“Oh, Y/N, there you are!” Your mother called and Ella switched her gaze to you, smile growing as she ran to you. You were surprised she didn’t break an ankle in those shoes, but she’d always been the more graceful of the two of you. 

“You made it!” She squealed, jumping up and down and you giggled into her hair as you clung tightly back. “I mean, of course I knew you would, but I’m so glad you’re here!”

“I wouldn’t miss this for the world!” You grinned, hugging your mom as she came to greet you. “So, where do you need me?”

“We’re almost done, actually.” Ella said, sweeping her hair over her shoulder and looking far prettier than was reasonable while doing so. “Michael is just with the caterer now making sure everything over there is sorted. We’re going to start the rehearsal as soon as Mindy gets here. She’s helping the florist bring the last of the roses.”

“Sounds pricey.” You grinned and your father clutched at his heart.

“Let’s not talk about it.”

Mindy made her way in a few minutes later, long blonde hair piled on her head in a messy bun that she made look classy and a large bouquet of red roses clutched in her hands. She’d been Ella’s best friend since beauty school and even though she was a little ditzy and filled with a few too many giggles, she was really nice and super loyal. 

“Hello!” She greeted enthusiastically, placing the bouquet down on a nearby table and blowing a strand of hair from her face. “It’s so nice to see you again!” 

She gasped, running to give you a hug and you smiled, patting her back gently. 

“It’s nice to see you too, Mindy. How have you been?”

“So good!” She smiled, “just doing hair and dating cute boys.” She giggled again and you smiled, squeezing her arm.

“Sounds like fun.” 

Ella’s wedding planner called everyone over, directing people to their places and the rest of the rehearsal went smoothly. The rehearsal dinner included the whole wedding party as well as the Jeon’s because they’d always felt like family anyway. 

Jungkook had just arrived shortly before dinner started and he’d sat with Michael and his groomsmen so you hadn’t had much of a chance to talk. Not that you had anything to say, anyway. You’d stepped into a weird part of your relationship that you weren’t sure how to navigate. 

You didn’t hate him anymore, but you wouldn’t call him a friend, either. It was like awkward teenage stumbling’s when you’re first trying to get to know your crush. You hated it a little bit. 

The end of the night brought with it warm goodbyes and promises to see each other tomorrow afternoon. You were filled with laughter, good food, and a little bit too much wine, but you were excited for the morning. 

Ella had decided to spend the last night of her single life back in her childhood bedroom and the two of you giggled and talked late into the evening before retiring to bed. You felt good and warm, wrapped up in the blankets of your childhood bed, but happy memories can only hold off the bad for so long and soon you were drifting to sleep with the thought of Jimin’s smiling face and a plus one spot that was now empty. 

**

The silent ache in your chest was persistent. As the sun crept through your old bedroom window and across your bed you sighed, staring up at the soft white curtains and chewing on your thumb nail. This was not how you’d imagined yourself feeling on the morning of your little sister’s wedding. You should have been overcome with happiness for her, but all you could feel was misery.

Sad that in the end, a man you’d loved so deeply, who had professed his own love for you, had decided that he did suddenly believe in soulmates. What was worse was that you understood and were now going to be stuck at a table with your own soulmate for who knows how many hours feeling sad, uncomfortable, and every other emotion that was far from joy on your sister’s big day.

You felt selfish; ruminating in the mess that was your current situation. You could hear the faint shuffling sounds of feet on the other side of your door and you listened softly as someone stepped into the bathroom, turning on the fan as they closed the door.

It wasn’t doing you any good just laying here, you weren’t going to fall asleep with such heavy thoughts so, heaving a sigh, you stood and trudged your way downstairs and to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee.

You were going to need the caffeine to even pretend that you were happy about anything this morning. Just as the button clicked off and you were removing the pot from its base you heard shuffling in the hallway behind you.

“You’re up early!” Your sister remarked as she stepped into the kitchen.

“So are you.” You mumbled over the rim of your cup. Too bitter. Where was the cream?

“I couldn’t sleep,” she gushed, “I’m just too excited. I can’t believe the day is finally here!”

You nodded, staring into the swirling amber of your cup as you placed it carefully on the counter top. “Yeah, it came crazy fast.”

“It’s amazing how this time last year Michael and I didn’t even know each other.” She hummed excitedly and you smiled softly at her.

“Life changes so quickly, right?”

“It seriously does! One minute you’re wondering whether or not you even have a damn soulmate and the next thing you know he’s there, completing your life in a way you never thought possible.” She looked at you and as if suddenly realizing what she was saying she looked down sheepishly at her hands. “I mean, not that you can’t be complete without someone, of course.” She mumbled lamely and you smiled.

“It’s ok,” you murmured, “I get it.”

“This is all such bad timing for you.” She frowned, “I’m so sorry, this must be really hard.”

“Don’t be sorry!” You sighed, stepping around the island to grab her hand. “Yeah, my life isn’t exactly how I imagined it but that should have no bearing on your big day. Today is all about you and Michael, it’s a really special time when you get to marry your soulmate. We should be celebrating it, not thinking about me.”

“I know,” she said softly, “but I feel bad. The Jeon’s are going to be at the table with us, Y/N, and you’re just expected to sit there with him and watch your little sister marry her soulmate while your own is…anyway. It’s just not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair,” you smiled sadly, “but we can either give up, lay down and die, or we can decide to be happy no matter what.”

“You have such a good attitude.” She said, lip trembling, “I’m not nearly as strong as you.”

“I’m afraid that strength comes from pain and I would never wish that on you. I hope you stay innocent and happy forever.” You grinned, pulling her into your arms and hugging her tight.

“I love you, Y/N, thank you for being here with me and helping me through this. It means a lot to me.”

“You’re my sister,” you replied, pulling back to look at her, “literally nothing could have stopped me.”

“Well, let me do something for you then. I want to do your hair and makeup!”

“Oh no, not on your wedding day!” You insisted. Your sister had gone on to become a very talented hair dresser and under normal circumstances you would never hesitate to allow her to fix the rat’s nest on top of your head, but not on her special day.

“I insist. Besides, I’m the bride so I can do what I want and I want to do your hair. I can’t have you disgracing my pictures with something simple just because you don’t know what you’re doing.” She teased and you grinned.

“Well, when you put it like that, it seems it would be rude to refuse.”

“Exactly!”

**

One hairstyle and your beautiful lavender maid of honor dress later, you were on your way to the venue with your mother and sister, your father insisting he’d help the groom with picking up his tux from the rental place. Your sister was lavish, her fiancé was not. She’d shuddered at the idea of a rental tuxedo but he had insisted.

After Ella had applied some simple makeup to your face, you’d stepped in to help your sister with her own. Not that she needed any help. Beauty school had taught her enough that she knew her way around a makeup kit.

The pews filled up quickly and Michael stood waiting, looking like the nervous groom he was. Ella was beautiful as she walked forward, a vision of white satin and lace. It was a bittersweet feeling, watching your younger sister marry; but you were proud to say you cried for all the right reasons.

Ella had hired a big band to play at the reception and they started off with an upbeat tempo jazz song that had people jumping up to dance. You grabbed a glass of champagne from one of the passing waiters, taking a deep breath and heading to your table. Jungkook was the only one sat there currently, both his parents and yours swinging eagerly to the beat in the middle of the fray.

You took your seat, which had of course been put right next to his, and took a careful sip of your drink. “They’re a beautiful couple.” Jungkook said and you nodded, humming.

“Yeah, they look good together.”

He turned to look at you, vision trailing slowly across your face and you resisted the urge to shiver. The pull towards him had been stronger recently, an inexplicable need to be close to him burned in your chest. You’d never heard of this sort of thing before; the burn of needing to be with your soulmate.

You’d always been told that you had the freedom to choose, that you would never be forced to be with your soulmate. No one ever told you it would hurt to not be with him, though. The ache that Jimin had left behind was becoming easier to bear but only because the pain of seeing Jungkook and not having him was somehow just as bad.

“You look beautiful, by the way.” He murmured softly. You looked over at him, leaning his forearms against the table and staring down at his fingers locked together.

“Thank you.” You mumbled. Clearing your throat, you looked away awkwardly, “you look handsome.”

You could see the heat in Jungkook’s face without having to look directly at him. His foot began to bounce awkwardly beneath the white linen table topper and you took a few large gulps of your drink to squash your nerves.

You weren’t even really sure why you were nervous in the first place. You’d known Jungkook all your life, seen him at his absolute worst and he’d seen yours too. There was no good reason for you to feel any nervous fluttering in the pit of your stomach. But it was there all the same.

Jungkook downed the rest of his drink before standing and turning to face you. “I would really like to dance with you…if you would let me.”

You looked up at him, smiling softly. “You know I’m a terrible dancer, I’d have to have a lot more champagne in me to set foot on that floor.”

“That can be done!” Jungkook insisted, holding his hands out in front of him to signal you wait before darting off to the open bar.

He returned a few minutes later with a small tray of liquor; two flutes of champagne and six shots of what you assumed was vodka. “To loosen us up,” Jungkook signaled to the shots, “and to chase down the taste.” A head nod at the champagne.

You chuckled, grabbing one of the shots and clinking it against his own before you both threw them back, hissing at the burn. “This stuff is awful.” He wheezed, eyes watering.

Nodding your agreement, you coughed. “It does the job.”

Two more shots down and one empty champagne flute later, you were feeling much less tension in your shoulders. The only thing that could have made it better was taking off your shoes and the relatively uncomfortable dress you were currently locked in. But even in your mildly inebriated condition you had enough decorum to know that was not cool at your sister’s wedding.

“Ok!” Jungkook said, slapping his hands together and startling you, “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling way more inclined to dance.” He stood, holding out his hand to you and waiting, confidently, as though he knew you better than you did and was sure you would say yes.

Maybe he did know you better.

You took his hand, allowing him to pull you up and into the swaying bodies as the band began a slow song and then you were sinking into his chest, one hand wrapped around his shoulder and the other held securely in his own.

“You look really beautiful.” He said and you smiled.

“You told me.”

“I wanted to tell you again.” He said softly, “you should be told you’re beautiful every day.”

“Wow,” you chuckled, staring down at your feet, “did you swallow a romance novel or something?”

“No,” he grinned, “the alcohol is just making my tongue loose; spilling all the words I’ve been meaning to say.”

“Thank you, Jungkook.” You mumbled.

“Well now you should tell me I look beautiful too.” He smiled and you laughed loudly.

“Oh, the alcohol really is loosening your tongue.”

Jungkook grinned, “Come on now.”

“You look beautiful, Jungkook.” You smiled.

“Thank you.” He said softly, looking down at you. You wanted to look away, his gaze felt too intimate, but you couldn’t. Brown eyes pulled you right into their center, scorching you.

His hand in the center of your back was too warm, tightening and pulling you closer to his chest. You could see everything up close, the small scar on his cheek, long eyelashes blinking down at you, and a perfect cupid’s bow that for some strange reason, you couldn’t take your eyes off of.

The music had faded into the background, the people all but disappearing. Your head felt fuzzy and light and you watched in a daze as Jungkook’s eyes flickered from yours and down to your lips. It was so quick you almost didn’t notice.

“Can we talk in private?” He whispered before pulling you gently from the reception hall and around the corner. You could feel the alcohol sloshing around in your veins as you trailed after him into a vacant hallway.

Leaning up against the wall you watched him as he rubbed at his chin and into his hair, pacing the floor in front of you. 12 years really had done him so much good. He’d been a good-looking young man in high school, but age had made him devastatingly handsome and there was no way you could deny it.

“I’m not completely sober,” Jungkook started, “in fact I’m a little past tipsy, I’ll admit. I know my mind, though, and I’ve had you on it constantly for…well right now I can’t remember how long, but ask me again when I’m sober. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I want a chance to make things right, to be the man that you deserve. I want a chance to be in your life and to be important to you.”

“Jungkook, of course you’re important to me,” you started, but he lurched forward, crowding you against the wall and you looked up at him as he pushed your hair from your face.

“You don’t understand,” he whispered, “I feel like I can’t breathe without you. I feel so tied to you, like a marionette doll, all you have to do is tell me to dance. Being without you has started to hurt, and I don’t just mean like a broken heart. My whole-body aches when I’m away from you and it aches when I’m with you because in the end, I’m not really with you, am I? You still hate me.”

“I don’t hate you.” You murmured. “I’m afraid of you.”

“Afraid of me?” He questioned, eyebrows meeting.

“I’m afraid of the power you hold over me, how easy it could be for you to become my entire world and then shatter it; even worse than the last time. I’ve spent 12 years trying to forget the you-shaped hole you left in my heart. You’re not the only one aching, Jungkook.”

And just like that, the world caught fire, fingers sliding home into your hair as he pulled your lips against his. It was like a shot to the gut, an electric shock running through your veins. If you’d craved him before, you downright needed him now.

His mouth moved heatedly against yours, breathing you in as you wrapped your arms around his neck and his hands traveled down your back and over the curve of your backside, squeezing the supple flesh in his hands to elicit a much-appreciated groan.

You knew you should stop him, tell him that you were probably going too fast. There was a lot you needed to talk about and there was a lot of hurt that needed to be healed, but, honestly, you wanted him too.

This kiss felt different from others. It was filled with an undercurrent that was building, building, building from your stomach and spreading like water through your chest. It was too powerful how right it felt, his lips moving steadily against yours and his fingertips running along your lower back.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to kiss you.” He breathed, sliding his lips along your throat and kissing down to your clavicle. He sucked a bruise into the juncture of your neck and shoulder and you gasped, sliding your fingers into his hair. “To hold you.” A kiss against your cheek, “to touch you.” His lips pressed to your other cheek. “To just be with you.”

“In the biblical sense or the romantic sense?”

“All of the above.” He whispered against your lips before sliding his tongue back into your mouth and pushing you further against the wall. You felt him through his dress pants as he pushed his hips into yours and you felt like you’d been electrified.

Dizzy with desire, you pulled him closer to you, groaning into his mouth. “As much as I’m enjoying this, this isn’t exactly a private area.”

Jungkook pulled back slightly, looking around. “You’re right. Where can we go?”

“We can’t drive. Honestly, I’m pretty tipsy right now.”

“Me too.” Jungkook nodded, kissing along your jaw. “Let’s take a taxi.”

“Where?” You mumbled, kissing his chin softly.

“My parents’ place.”

**

You knew you shouldn’t, that you were very close to drunk and you’d likely regret it when you were sober again, but his lips on your body left you feeling even drunker than the alcohol.

His childhood bedroom was one you hadn’t seen since you were children, though you still barely saw it now as you were too busy stripping him of his suit and tie.

He was muscular, and you eyed him greedily wondering when he even had the time to work out with his schedule. You tried to run your hands down his stomach but he batted you away as he tugged your dress from your body and dropped it on the floor, pushing you down into the mattress.

“Eager?” You grinned and he looked up at you, gaze heavy.

“Like you wouldn’t even believe.”

You watched as he slowly undid his belt, eyes locked with yours before dropping it on the floor with a clink and returning to his zipper. He pulled it slowly down, pushing the fabric over his hips and onto the floor before stepping out of them and shucking them to the side.

“I like your Mario boxers.” You teased and he smirked.

“You’ve got a smart mouth.”

He leaned over you, kissing your lips before trailing a path down your chest and to the center of your breasts, fingers playing with your nipples through the lacy fabric of your bra. You sighed, eyes fluttering shut and back arching further into the warmth of his hand.

Jungkook moved his fingers behind you, pulling at the strap and slipping your bra from you, dropping it to the ground. He stared down at your chest; eyes wild with lust. “You’re beautiful.” He whispered, before kissing a path across it, over your nipple and to the other side before taking your nipple and sucking it between his lips.

“Oh!” You gasped, fingers digging into his shoulders and he nipped at your peaked flesh before kissing his way down to the line of your panties, rubbing his nose down the center and inhaling deeply.

You took a deep shuddering breath, watching as he placed a kiss and you shivered. There was no way you were going to survive this night.

Kissing his way to the waistband of your panties, he grabbed the fabric between his teeth and began to pull it from your hips. The tip of his nose had fire licking down your leg as it grazed your skin and you took a deep breath as he dropped your underwear over the side of the bed and returned to the middle of your legs.

“Open, please.” Jungkook murmured, pushing your legs apart gently before planting a kiss against your mound and you whined, heart racing.

His tongue flicked out, pushing through the seam of your lips and your hips lurched forward into the warmth of his mouth. He delved in further, holding your legs spread wide as he licked and sucked against your entrance, lips wrapping around your clit with a tug and you whined loudly.

He hoisted himself back over your face, flushed and panting and grinned. “Take off your boxers.” You said, watching as he happily complied, pulling the offending garment from his hips and dropping it to the ground with the rest of the clothes.

You wanted to pout at the sight. Jungkook was truly built to make all other men pale in comparison. He was impressive from his head to his toes and the thick appendage standing proudly between his legs was no different.

“Ready?” He asked, body crowding over yours in the bed and you nodded, feeling him prod your entrance with a whimper.

Jungkook wrapped his fingers around your thigh, pulling it high on his hip before pushing slowly into you. You gasped, skin tingling as he stretched your walls, Jungkook breathing into the side of your neck and kissing wet against your shoulder as his hips became flush with yours.

“Let me make you feel good.” He whispered, pulling out slightly before pushing back in and your whole body shuddered.

He swallowed your moans with his lips as he began to thrust shallowly, hand coming to greet your left nipple with a soft graze.

“Please.” You whimpered.

“What do you want? I’ll give it to you.” He whispered, nose skimming your cheek.

“Everything.”

You could feel his back flexing under the tips of your fingers and you ran your hands across his shoulders and into his raven hair, pulling gently.

He grunted, sucking on your bottom lip and thrusting a little harder and you shivered from pleasure.

“Jungkook.” You gasped, one hand clinging to the sheets beneath you as he pushed you further into the mattress with his hips.

“Say it again.” He murmured. “Say my name.”

“Jungkook.”

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say my name like that.” He panted, grinding his hips into yours.

“I didn’t know you ever thought of me.” You crooned, wrapping your other leg around his hip and lifting yours to meet his thrusts.

“You’ve been on my mind for years.” He admitted, kissing from the inside of your elbow to your shoulder. “Have you ever thought of me?”

You gasped as he hit a spot particularly deep inside you and ground against it. “Sometimes.” You admitted, seeking out his mouth and drowning in his taste.

“Can I go a little harder?” He whispered and you huffed a sigh against his lips as he swiveled his hips.

“Yes, please.”

He lifted himself up on the palms of his hands, pushing the hair from your face, “I wanna see your beautiful face when you cum.”

You blushed, body shivering at the notion just as he picked up speed, thrusting deeply into your center with groans and hisses of your name. You could already feel your orgasm building all the way down to your toes and the intensity scared you a little, but you could barely think about it as he kissed you sloppily, grabbing each rounded cheek of your backside and using it to grind himself heavily against your clit.

Your heart was beating wildly in your chest, fingertips tingling as something began to build in your chest. It was like nothing you’d ever felt before; an intense connection, a need to stay right here, with him. You could feel it around your heart, like a lasso, tethering you to him and it should have scared you, but in this moment, you realized you were falling for him.

You’d tried so hard to protect yourself from him, but no one had ever told you about this feeling; this need to be his and to have him in return. Jungkook kissed up the column of your throat, lips meeting yours once again as he gripped onto your thighs, pushing himself even harder into your center and you could barely see straight.

“Jungkook!” you moaned, body twitching. “You feel amazing.”

“So do you.” He choked, running a hand back down your chest and squeezing, “I’m not going to last much longer.” He huffed, breath stuttering against your cheek as he kissed it.

“Me too.” You admitted, running your hands down his back and across his thighs to curve under his ass and help him to thrust in harder.

Your skin felt hot, like sun baked cement in the middle of summer and you could feel your body starting to shiver in pleasure. Your toes curled, gasps of Jungkook’s name leaving your lips as he thrust in harder, and harder, and harder until you felt an explosion, traveling all the way up into your chest and out your fingertips as you called out his name.

You squeezed your eyes shut and saw only him behind tear filled lashes. Jungkook groaned one last time before shattering and painting your walls white. He shivered and slumped, laying still on top of you.

Just as your breathing steadied, he curled his arm beneath your neck, pulling your lips to his and kissing the life back into you, tongue swiping greedily against yours and you kissed him with just as much vigor.

“I’ll be right back.” He murmured, pulling from you with a wince before leaving the room and going into the hallway. You took a deep breath, shaky fingers pushing through your hair as you listened to him shuffling around in the bathroom.

A few moments later he returned, wet cloth in his hands and he kneeled between your legs. “Here, let me help you.” He said softly, and you watched, heart pounding as he cleaned gingerly between your thighs.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” You murmured softly after he’d tossed the rag onto his old computer desk and he nodded, sitting back on the bed.

After peeing and washing your hands you stared at your reflection. Aside from sex mussed hair, a few hickeys, and kiss bitten lips, you didn’t look any different. You felt different, though. The connection was stronger and you could feel it in your bones.

Your heart felt so full, but the pain was still there, buried somewhere in the fog of a love you hadn’t realized had started building. You wrapped your arms around yourself tightly before sighing and making your way back to the bedroom.

Jungkook was still sat on the bed, staring down at his hands when you entered. He looked up at you, cheeks flushed with emotion (and probably some residual champagne). “Please don’t leave.” He whispered. “Stay the night with me.”

You paused, biting your bottom lip before nodding and padding over to him, bending down and kissing him quickly. “Scoot over, then.”

He smiled, pulling the covers back before scooting next to the wall and you curled into his side, shivering as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling your body flush with his. He looked down at you, pushing the hair away from your face and cupping your cheek. “Thank you.” He said.

“You’re welcome.” You smiled softly. He leaned down, kissing you gently.

“Good night, Y/N.”

“Good night.”

**

The first thing you noticed when you woke was the pounding in your head. One too many flutes of champagne could do that to a woman. The next was the definite presence of a weight across your waist and someone’s chest pressed to your back.

You tried not to whimper as you squeezed your eyes shut tighter. Perhaps if you didn’t open your eyes, none of this would be real. A soft sigh greeted the skin of your neck, a nose running along the column and you shivered.

Glancing over your shoulder, you noted that Jungkook was still asleep and you heaved a sigh of relief. At least you didn’t have to discuss what happened right this second. You weren’t even sure yourself.

Of course, you remembered what happened, how every taste and touch was like fire, consuming you. You remembered the rush of endorphins, the feeling of all-consuming love. But now that you were sober and the sun was casting light over the fog of your thoughts, you mostly felt fear.

Building a relationship on lust alone wasn’t healthy or possible and so far, that’s really all the two of you had together. The feelings had been strong in the moment, but without even a basic friendship to build on, you knew this would only end in more heart break.

So, you steeled yourself, slipping carefully from his grasp and dressing quickly. You glanced back at him, still sleeping soundly, hand splayed across the space where your body had been, before closing the door and walking softly down the stairs.

“Oh, Y/N, I didn’t know you were here!” You gasped, spinning to face the kitchen, clutching at your heart and looking at Mrs. Jeon who stood by the counter with a coffee in her hands. She smiled at you, a knowing look in her eyes and you wanted to shrivel up and die.

“I-I-I, yeah, I’m actually going now, though.”

“You should stay for a coffee. I’m sure Jungkook will be up soon.”

“I’m sure he will be.” You nodded, playing with a string at the side of your dress.

“Everyone deserves a second chance; don’t you think dear?” She asked suddenly and you looked up at her, cheeks flushing with shame.

“I suppose it depends on what’s been done.” You mumbled lamely, not daring to meet her gaze.

There was a soft lull in the conversation before she continued, “that boy really cares about you, you know. I can see you care about him too. I know there’s a lot of pain in the past, but being allowed to move on from it would be good for you both.”

You could hear hurried steps from the floor above you and you looked up in alarm. “I need to go!” You said, walking quickly to the door just as you heard Jungkook call your name from the top of the stairs.

You rushed down the front steps and made a run for it across the garden before heavy footfall and your name were greeting you once more.

“Wait!” Jungkook called, wrapping his fingers around your forearm and forcing you to a stop, a whimper falling from your lips. “Where are you going?” His eyes screamed desperation and you couldn’t look at him.

“I need to go.” You mumbled, flinching as he reached out for your face, stroking a thumb down the side of your cheek.

“Where? Can’t we talk first?”

“I need to go home. I have work tomorrow.” You insisted, a little firmer.

“So do I. Don’t do this, Y/N, don’t run from me. We were both there last night, I know that you felt it too. It wasn’t just sex; it was more than that and you know it. It was like being completed; two pieces of the puzzle finally being put back together.”

“I’m not a broken puzzle, Jungkook!” You shouted and he took a step back in surprise. “Why does everyone treat you like you’re broken if you’re not with your soul mate? I just broke up with the man I thought I was going to marry; I’m vulnerable. That’s the only reason last night even happened.”

Jungkook’s face shuddered, bleeding emotion as he looked down at the ground. You realized belatedly that he was only wearing a pair of baggy grey sweatpants, as though he’d dressed in a hurry. Your heart clenched at the thought.

The grass poked out from between his toes and he sighed, a deep, mournful sound. “Are you ever going to forgive me?” He whispered.

You were trying to protect your heart, but at this point it seemed so futile. Just walking away from him was breaking it more than you’d expected. “I need to go home.” You said. “I’ll see you at work.”

**

Your apartment felt so empty when you returned. No Jimin to help you fill the darkened corners. You’d packed in a hurry, throwing whatever you’d brought with you back into your bag, doing your best to avoid your parents’ questions about where you’d been all night.

They’d find out at some point, anyway. You knew Mrs. Jeon wouldn’t keep this to herself for long. For years Jungkook had been “the bad guy” and now it was you and you couldn’t face it.

Guilt clawed at your insides the entire trip back and now, standing in your doorway, you decided that instead of facing any of your responsibilities, you would hide from them. Burrowing under the covers of your bed, reaching out for Jimin’s old pillow and clutching it to your chest, you cried.

You hadn’t exactly been lying when you told Jungkook you were vulnerable, sleeping with him was a rebound in a way…but it was also so much more than that.

You hated to admit it, but he was wearing away at your steely exterior. Chipping at the ice that had covered your heart when he’d rejected you all those years ago.

There was a part of you that feared if you pushed him away too much, you’d miss out again. A man could only take so much rejection before he gave up entirely. Another part of you wondered why that was something you were afraid of.

You’d both grown up; changed, and now Jungkook seemed so ready to just dive head first into the deep end. You couldn’t forget, though. You couldn’t let go. It was foolish, but the snub still burned bright in your memory and him wanting you now didn’t change the fact that back when it really counted; he hadn’t.

The doorbell ringing made your muscles stiffen. Had Jungkook followed you to your apartment? Was it Jimin; had he left something behind?

You stood slowly, apprehension building in your chest, and made your way to peer through the peephole of the door.

Lizzy was stood there, grin wide and arms flailing in a wave. You opened the door, peering at her curiously. “What are you doing here?”  

“Did you forget?” She asked, not even bothering to pause before walking straight into your apartment and removing her bag. “You told me to come over at this time before you left for the wedding. Said you’d be back by now. Guess you’re a pretty accurate measure of time but not so much in the memory department.”

“Oh.” You said softly, closing the door. Lizzy threw her bag over the back of one of your chairs and turned to look at you, eyebrows meeting in the center of her forehead.

“Something happened.” She stated matter of factly and you knew it was no longer a secret you could keep. To be honest, you really needed someone to confide in right now.

“Yeah.” You nodded, “Did you want anything to drink?” You motioned lamely at the kitchen. Lizzy only shook her head, grabbing your hand and pulling you to the couch.

“Spill the beans.” She said, folding her legs crisscross once she’d sat down.

You sighed, staring up at the ceiling. “I haven’t been honest with you the last few months. I hope when I tell you why you’ll be understanding.” Lizzy’s brows furrowed deeper together, but she said nothing, waiting for you to continue.

“I’m a pretty private person about my past; I don’t really like to talk about it because it hurts…but I can’t really hide it anymore, you’re bound to find out at some point and I’d rather it come from me.”

You slowly pulled up the sleeve of your sweater, displaying your wrist to your friend and watched as her lips parted in surprise.

“Jeon Jungkook? Dr. Jeon?”

You nodded and waited for the storm, but Lizzy only frowned. “Oh…wow. Ok, but I still don’t understand what the good doctor has to do with your past.”

Pulling your sleeve down, you linked your fingers together in your lap, pursing your lips in thought. “I’ve known Jungkook all my life. Our mothers have been best friends since elementary school and moved into the same neighborhood when they got married. We were practically raised together. For the first 18 years of my life I saw Jungkook nearly every day. We were friends as children but then drifted apart. He entered that mean little boy stage, you know what I mean.”

Lizzy nodded and you continued, “Anyway, we drifted apart for years but always acted like we were friends in front of our parents, didn’t want our moms to feel bad. He grew up to be really handsome and popular and all the girls wanted a piece, even my sister. They started getting really close and Jungkook had his birthday, got his tattoo but didn’t say anything. My birthday was 2 months later and when his name appeared on my wrist, I felt like I’d been punched.”

“He’d been pursuing my sister, acting like my name wasn’t there on his wrist. I confronted him and even after all of that I was still willing to make it work, he’s my soulmate after all. He didn’t want to, though. So, we cut ties, graduated high school, went to different colleges and didn’t see each other again until he started working at the hospital.”

“Wow.” Lizzy breathed and you nodded, frowning.

“It gets worse.”

“What happened?” She asked, eyes wide.

“We had sex last night.” You admitted; the words bitter on your tongue.

“Oh!” Lizzy gasped and you could already feel tears stinging at the corners of your eyes.

“We were both tipsy and I was still heartbroken over Jimin and he just kept talking about how he wanted another chance to prove himself; that he’s not 18 anymore and we just got carried away.”

“What was it like?” Lizzy asked carefully, “sex with your soulmate?”

“Fireworks.” You cried, “There are no words to describe it. It felt like going your whole life thinking you’re content only to find out you’ve been missing a giant hole in the center of your heart and now it’s been filled and you’re complete and in fact it’s spilling over the edges and there’s just so much love that you can’t possibly hold it all so it just goes to every corner or your body until you think you might burst.”

“So, what’s the problem?”

“I’m terrified!” You wailed. “He’s been my enemy for the better part of 20 years and now I feel like I can’t breathe without him and I’m afraid. Aside from the brief moment of the initial rejection, I’ve never felt like I was an incomplete person but now I know what it’s like to have him and without him I feel the broken pieces of my soul shattering again.”

“So, the solution seems fairly clear to me. You guys need to be together. I can’t deny that I’m insanely jealous. Honestly, really, really envious. Not only do you know who your soulmate is, but he’s criminally hot.”

“It’s not that easy.” You sniffled, wiping at your nose.

“Why not?”

“Because we have history, Lizzy, and not a very happy one. It’s a lot to try to work through.” You frowned, throwing your hands up in frustration.

“So then work through it.” Lizzy deadpanned.

“But then he gets what he wants. He always gets what he wants. He didn’t want a soulmate so I left him alone and now that he wants me, I’m supposed to just give in?” You soured.

“You sound really vindictive right now. You said your past was painful which means the rejection hurt. You were willing to try back then, what’s changed?”

“Why does he always get to win? He deserves to feel some pain too!” You complained.

“So, you’re holding a grudge?”

“No!” You insisted childishly.

“Really? Because it sounds like you are to me. He was a kid back then, probably scared out of his mind. He was staring his future right in the face and probably wasn’t ready for the responsibility. He’s a fully-grown man now, more established in the world and he’s realized what he threw away all those years ago. Don’t you think people can change?” She asked, frowning at you and you felt more ashamed than before.

“Of course.” You admitted softly.

“What you and Jimin had was beautiful and healthy and despite that, he was willing to push it all aside because his soulmate changed his world. He didn’t even believe in soulmates! Doesn’t that say something?”

“Please don’t talk about him.” You bit out and Lizzy sighed.

“I’m just saying. You have an opportunity at love again, and this time it’s the real thing, as real as it gets. Are you really willing to throw it all away because you can’t let go of something an 18-year-old boy did 12 years ago? Really?”

“He broke my heart, Lizzy.” You murmured, the tears starting all over again as you picked at the fraying edges of your second hand couch.

“And that sucks, it really does and I’m sorry about it…but tell me, how do you feel right now? Now that he’s changed his mind and you’re running away instead? Be honest with me.”

You paused, lip trembling before you choked out a soft cry, “Now I feel like I’ve broken my own heart.”

“Do yourself a favor, Y/N, let yourself fall in love with him. You deserve to be happy.”

“What if he breaks my heart again?” You whispered.

“He’s a man, he’s probably going to make you cry a few times over your life time; it’s just what men do. If a soulmate’s love is really all they say it is, though…it’s worth it.”

You huffed, rubbing at your face and Lizzy smiled, “Just think about it, hmm?” When you nodded, she stood, going back to her bag and reaching into the pocket, pulling out a DVD. “You up for a movie?”

“Sure, I could use the distraction.” Tomorrow was back to work and you assumed that you’d have to deal with Jungkook. You weren’t sure how, but somehow Lizzy had to be right, somehow, it had to be worth it. People wouldn’t keep seeking out their soulmates and living seemingly blissful lives if it weren’t worth it. Right?

**

I hope you enjoyed this long awaited chapter! Let me know what you think! <3

Chapter 15

Chapter 17 (Finale)

Copyright © 2018 by Taeken-My-Heart. All rights reserved.

[thatsamericano]

She Tastes Like Apple Juice and Peach

Pairing: Nyo America/Nyo Romano. Mention of Nyo Romano/male OC, mention of nyo Ukraine/nyo Canada. Human AU. 

Rating/Warnings: Teen. Compulsory heterosexuality and internalized lesbophobia from the POV character. Mix of fluff and angst, with an ambiguously sad ending. (The pining is mutual, but they’re not ready to talk about it yet.)

Word Count: 2337

Summary: Amelia kisses Chiara when she’s just 14 as “practice” for her future boyfriend. Amelia doesn’t even know if she wants a boyfriend, but she also doesn’t know how to tell her best friend the truth.

A/N: Title from “She” by Dodie. I use “Yuri” as the name for nyo Ukraine, which I got from this post by @feynavaley. This fic will be up on AO3 soon.

Amelia was glad to catch up with Chiara, and glad that she actually got to hug her and speak to her in person. She couldn’t begrudge Kiki for spending time with her family in Italy, and it wasn’t like Amelia had been completely alone with nothing to do this summer. But she had missed her best friend, and it was nice to spend the night together eating junk food, watching TV, and enjoying each other’s company.

Amelia liked hearing about Chiara’s cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents, but the one thing she could have done without hearing about was this boy Chiara had met. He lived in the house next door to her grandparents, and he was named Salvatore. Chiara’s eyes sparkled when she talked about how cute and nice Salvatore was, and her cheeks flushed a shade similar to the color of her ruffled rose pajama top. Amy smiled, but she felt a little queasy when she heard the name the special emphasis Chiara put on his name. Maybe she had eaten too much popcorn, or maybe it was the fact she’d never really felt like that about a boy. Gilbert and Magnus were her friends, but they were in the grade above her and treated her like a little sister. Tolys and Kiku were also fun to hang out with, but she never got butterflies around them, and definitely not like the overwhelming sensations Madeleine seemed to experience around her friend Yuri. Many times, Maddie blushed bright red as she shyly confided in her twin about something sweet Yuri had said or done. Amelia had never felt the urge to gush like that about anyone (except Chiara, which didn’t really count, since they were best friends and both girls).

Maybe it was like her dad had said, and Amelia was just a “late bloomer.” Or maybe she was weird for not getting crushes on people. She always felt strange whenever girls her age started talking about the guys they liked, because she never had anything to say. She felt strange now, because she couldn’t understand why Chiara was so impressed by stuff like Salvatore being a good soccer player. Amelia was good at lots of sports, including soccer. Even if he could beat her at soccer, she could probably kick his ass at baseball.

The bottom dropped out of her stomach when Chiara started talking about a date she and Salvatore had gone on. It wasn’t much, just a trip to the movies and a walk around town, but it was more romance than Amelia had ever experienced. That was why she had to hide her jealousy behind a fake smile.

Chiara giggled as she got near the end of her story. “And then when he was dropping me off at the house, Totò, he uhh… he kissed me.”

“He kissed you?” Amelia repeated. She was surprised, and her chest felt weirdly tight. Probably indigestion from all that popcorn.

Chiara nodded and tucked a strand of wavy hair behind her ear. “He did. It was my first kiss ever.”

Amelia nibbled on her bottom lip and looked away. She hadn’t been kissed yet, and she was sad that her best friend had experienced something so life-changing without her. “Was it nice? Did it feel good?”

“It was okay, I guess?” When she glanced over, Chiara was frowning at the memory. “Honestly, it would’ve been a lot better if he hadn’t pulled away after two seconds and sneezed in my face.”

Amelia laughed. “He sneezed in your face?! Who the hell does that?”

Chiara tossed a pillow at her. “Shut up, idiota! It wasn’t his fault! He was allergic to my perfume!”

Amelia took several more seconds to calm down. “Still, that sounds horrible, Kiki. I’m sorry.”

“It was kinda gross,” Chiara admitted with a shrug. “The second kiss was better. I was wearing a different perfume then.”

So, Chiara had kissed this boy multiple times. Amelia hadn’t kissed anyone ever.

“So is he your boyfriend now, or…” Part of Amelia really didn’t want to hear the answer, but she felt obligated to ask.

Chiara sighed. “He lives in Palermo, so that wouldn’t really work. It was a summer fling, and it wasn’t meant to last. We had fun, but we’re both okay with it being over now.”

Amelia nodded, even though it didn’t make much sense to her. She didn’t think it was possible for Salvatore to get over someone as beautiful and amazing as Chiara. No boy would ever be able to.

“Well, while you were breaking boys’ hearts in Sicily, my summer was much more boring by comparison. Just the normal stuff you’re used to.”

Chiara chuckled and nudged her side. “So no torrid summer romances for you?”

“Nah. I guess guys don’t see me that way.” Amelia knew that was supposed to bother her. It bothered her mom, who had repeatedly told Amy that boys would never notice her if she kept acting like such a tomboy. But Amelia wasn’t even sure if she wanted boys to notice her. She wasn’t sure how she would react if they did.

Chiara rolled her eyes. “Boys are stupid. I wouldn’t waste too much time worrying about what they think.”

Amelia frowned and stared down at the toenails Chiara had painted for her earlier. “Easy for you to say. You’re super pretty, like a 14-year-old version of that famous Italian movie star whose name I can’t remember right now. And I’m just… well, me.” She was chubbier than a lot of girls her age, had metal braces on her teeth, and had to wear glasses if she wanted to see worth a damn. Amelia didn’t think she was ugly, but she didn’t think she was particularly pretty either, and that made her feel bad for reasons she didn’t entirely understand. Why did it matter how she looked when she wasn’t even sure if she wanted boys to notice her as an attractive young woman?

Unless she wanted girls to notice her as an attractive young woman. But that couldn’t be true, right? Amelia was straight. She had to be. There simply wasn’t any other option.

“Cara, you shouldn’t talk about yourself that way.” Chiara reached out and covered Amelia’s hand, which made Amelia turn to look at her in surprise. “You’re gorgeous. Anyone who can’t appreciate what’s right in front of them isn’t worth your time.”

Her voice was soft, and her hazel eyes were full of conviction. Amelia’s heart raced inside her chest, but she didn’t think she was having a heart attack or suffering from some kind of illness. It felt too wonderful and bewildering to be unhealthy. Was this how Maddie felt with Yuri?

Amelia grinned. “You think I’m gorgeous? Really?”

Chiara’s face turned red as she huffed and pulled her hand away. “I’m not blind, okay?! There’s no need to be so smug about it!” She wrapped her arms around her knees, clearly embarrassed, and Amelia wanted to hug her. Or something.

She opted for the hug. “I’m not smug. I’m just… really flattered. You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen, so you saying that I’m gorgeous is kind of a huge deal.”

“G… grazie.” Chiara sounded shy and flustered, which was adorable. God, the guy who got to be her boyfriend someday would be so lucky.

Amelia frowned. Ugh, there was that feeling again. That heavy, sinking feeling in her gut. She didn’t want to think about Kiki with a boyfriend. She didn’t want to imagine her best friend kissing a boy, touching him, talking about him with the same gleam in her eye she’d had when she spoke of the boy she kissed on vacation. Or maybe a brighter gleam because her boyfriend would mean more to her than a short summer romance.

Amelia let her arms fall away from Chiara and gave her the brightest smile she could. “It’s probably for the best. I don’t think I’m ready for the whole boyfriend thing anyway.” She wasn’t sure if she’d ever be ready for that. “Especially the kissing part. I wouldn’t know what to do if some guy tried to kiss me.” She’d probably freeze or run away.

“Well as long as you don’t sneeze in the guy’s face afterwards, you’ll be doing better than Salvatore.”

Amelia laughed. “True.”

Chiara looked nervous all of a sudden. She started playing with her hair. “I could show you, if you want.”

“Show me?”

“How to kiss people.”

“Oh. I mean, yeah? If that’s not too weird for you.” Amelia wondered if it should be weird for her. The idea of kissing Chiara didn’t feel weird at all.

Chiara smirked at her, nervousness apparently gone. “If it was too weird for me, I wouldn’t have offered, would I?”

“No, I guess not.” Amelia tilted her head towards her best friend and squinted in confusion. “Should I?”

“Just hold still.” Chiara cupped her face, leaned in, and connected their lips. Her stomach swooped like she was on a rollercoaster, and Amelia was too stunned to move or even close her eyes.

Chiara pulled away. “You’re tense. Just try to relax. Close your eyes and pretend I’m someone you want to kiss.”

Not a problem. Amelia nodded and closed her eyes, waiting for Chiara to kiss her again. This time she was prepared, and when she felt that swoop in her stomach, she sighed and parted her lips against Chiara’s mouth. Her mouth felt tingly and kind of staticky, but in a good way? She liked it. She liked kissing Chiara.

Chiara moved her lips hesitantly, and Amelia tried to copy her movements. Chiara’s tongue flicked over her lower lip, and Amelia let out a startled whimper. Chiara ripped her mouth away suddenly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to! I got caught up in the moment and took it too far. Dio, I never got close to kissing Salvatore like that…”

Amelia caught her flailing hands in her own. “It’s fine. I didn’t mind.”

“You didn’t mind. You didn’t mind that I almost French kissed you? Are you fucking insane?!”

Maybe she was. She had been disappointed that Chiara stopped, but Amelia couldn’t say that, could she?

“We were practicing,” Amelia claimed, ignoring how her gut churned with guilt. “It doesn’t count.” Amelia hated lying to her best friend, but she didn’t know what else to do.

Chiara’s eyes looked troubled. “No, I guess it doesn’t count. But if you start to feel uncomfortable, just tell me to stop.”

Amelia nodded. “Okay.” She didn’t think she’d want to stop Chiara, so the promise was unnecessary.

Chiara slowly began to lean in, and Amelia closed her eyes.

The kiss was warm, gentle, and sweet. The tingly feeling in Amelia’s lips returned instantly, along with the roller-coaster swooping in her stomach. Chiara’s tongue shyly entered her mouth, and Amelia could taste the apple juice she had earlier along with her peach-flavored lip gloss. Amelia idly wondered if she should have brushed her teeth first or maybe put on some kind of lip balm.

Chiara pulled away a few seconds later, flushed and panting for air. “That… that was…”

“You taste like apples and peaches,” Amelia told her, too stupefied to say anything else.

Chiara giggled. “You taste like popcorn and soda. I kinda liked it, though.”

“Do you think I need more practice?” Amelia asked. She tried to make sure her voice didn’t sound too hopeful.

“Probably not. There’s nothing wrong with the way you kiss. You just have to remember not to freeze up at the beginning, and you’ll do just fine.”

It was the best answer Amelia could have realistically expected, but she still felt keenly disappointed. There was an ache inside of her that hadn’t existed before.

Chiara snuggled into her side and turned her gaze towards the television, so it wasn’t all bad. Amelia put an arm loosely around her and pretended to watch the TV too. If she breathed in, she could smell the remnants of popcorn and candy, along with a hint of lemongrass and oranges. It was coming from Chiara, and it might have been the perfume Salvatore was allergic to. She chuckled softly at the thought.

Chiara yawned. “What’s so funny?”

“Guess we know I’m not allergic to your perfume. I didn’t sneeze on your face.”

Chiara snorted. “No. No, you didn’t.”

Amelia felt the urge to confess the truth, but she pursed her lips and kept silent for the next several minutes. Only when she felt Chiara’s body growing heavier and her breathing getting softer did she dare turn her head to look at her best friend.

Kiki’s chestnut hair was tousled up against her shoulder. Her eyes were closed, and her eyebrows were slightly arched. Her nose descended in a straight line, and her lips, full and reddened from just kissing Amelia, were parted slightly. She was by far the most beautiful thing Amelia had ever seen, and that ache inside her grew. She felt the butterflies everywhere, not just her stomach.

“I don’t think I want a boyfriend,” Amelia whispered, so quietly Chiara probably wouldn’t have been able to hear it even if she were awake. “I think I just want you, and I think maybe I always have. I know you don’t feel the same way, and that’s okay, as long as I still get to be your friend.”

Chiara frowned in her sleep. “Amore,” she mumbled, but didn’t say anything else. Amelia had no idea who she was talking to. Probably not Salvatore, since that was just a summer romance she had claimed to be over now. Perhaps, a silly part of her mind whispered, she meant Amelia. Perhaps their practice meant something to her too, and she didn’t want a boyfriend either.

Amelia let herself bask in that delusion until the program she was only half-watching was over. Then she turned off the TV, closed her eyes, leaned into her best friend she loved more than she was supposed to, and fell asleep.

[nctsiren]

Thank you for turning on anon uwu for the ask game thingy can I ask these for all of the girls? daydreams, caress, ivory, golden, freckles, twilight, poppy, clouds, roses, lollipop, dimples, whisper, pencil, honey, velvet, strawberry, kiss, shampoo, lace, sapphos?

hewwo anon!!! thank u for requesting!! i’m sorry it’s late :(( hope you enjoy, nonetheless!! i enjoyed writing it 🥺

daydream-

hyeyoung: “i think i’ll say joan jett or debbie harry!! i admire them a lot, i love their music, and i think it’d be fun to be a rock singer.”

mila: “i think it’d be nice to be beetle. i’ve always wondered how his mind works. being a dog seems cool”

evie was answered in my other post!!

jimin: “seulgi unnie!! i’ve always wondered what it would feel like to be perfect ;)”

caress-

hyeyoung: “i love to snuggle... i like when johnny lays between my legs with his head on my chest. it makes me so happy.”

mila: “yes... but i play hard to get with some of the wayv members. i feel at ease cuddling with ten.”

evie was answered in my other post!!

jimin: “there are hundreds of youtube comps of me being snuggly and affectionate .. i just love my members”

ivory-

hyeyoung: “i wear matching sets. like the pants and the button up shirt? or the silk/satin shorts and matching tank tops. i love cute pajamas, i always have.”

mila: “i usually wear a sports bra and boxers or shorts.”

evie: “big shirt and my underwear.”

jimin: “usually a big hoodie and shorts!”

golden-

hyeyoung: “i cannot choose!! i own lots of stationary, and i scrapbook, as well.”

mila: “i’m not really a stationary person. just gimme some lined paper and i am all good.”

evie: “i love a good pen.”

jimin: “AHH i’m a sucker for the cute stationary cards. i like writing letters and notes”

freckles-

hyeyoung: “honestly, i have a pair of black cigarette pants that i love to pieces. i wear them often- they just go with everything and are so comfortable!”

mila: “i... honestly probably this hoodie i stole from lucas. it’s super big and comfy. if i don’t wear it at certain times i feel like something bad will happen ://“

evie: “i have this big, chunky grandpa sweater that’s striped and i wear it to the point where it might start falling apart.”

jimin: “it’s not really a clothing item, but i’ve worn the lily necklace chenle gave me every day since i got it. and my necklace that’s just my name, jimin, in cursive.”

twilight (this is their best friend outside of the other girls)-

hyeyoung: “i know it’s cheesy, but johnny, for obvious reasons... i’m also quite close to irene unnie, as well as jaehyun and taeyong. it’s hard for me to pick.”

mila: “ten.”

evie: “i legitimately cannot pick outside of the girls... maybe lucas... or yuta... or doyo... i don’t fucking know.”

jimin: “chenle- i’m stuck with him.”

poppy-

hyeyoung: “pink. i’m not even much of a pink girl, but pastel pink is lovely.”

mila: “is... pastel orange a thing? i see it in my mind, but i don’t know if anyone else can.”

evie: “green. green is my favorite color in general, all shades.”

jimin: “lavender and periwinkle are my favorite colors outside of grey and white.”

clouds-

hyeyoung: “it was me alone in a practice room, but the room had large windows in it and it was so light. i was dancing- there was no music playling, but i still was. i felt so happy, and i stopped after twirling because johnny had arrived and he just smiled at me with so much love in his eyes.”

mila: “i honestly don’t remember my dreams, but i remember how i felt during them?”

evie was answered in my other post!!

jimin: “all of my dreams are weird and i don’t have a favorite because they’re too bizarre to enjoy.”

roses-

hyeyoung: “red roses... my late grandma, who was the person i loved most in the world, loved red roses.”

mila: “i think... tulips.”

evie was answered in my other post!!

jimin: “lilies, but not because of my name. my loved ones give them to me because of my name, but i love them because i receive them from my loved ones LMAO”

lollipop-

hyeyoung: “lipstick is my favorite. nice reds and pinks. i never go dark with lipstick- only dark eye makeup.”

mila: “i love ALL makeup”

evie: “i kind of hate wearing makeup, but i guess i’d pick eyebrow stuff.”

jimin: “mascara and blush! i like the heavy blush look.”

dimples-

hyeyoung: “my favorite thing is when i see people’s eyes crinkle when they smile. smiles and lips- oh, lips- are so beautiful.”

mila: “i love the variety of expressions that people can show even in a matter of seconds. i love seeing the range of emotions and thoughts on people’s faces.”

evie: “i love noses. all noses. also, i think facial structures are so lovely and unique. everyone is different.”

jimin: “smiles and eyes. i think eyes are so, so beautiful. i’ve never met anyone with eyes that aren’t beautiful. and smiles are heavenly because seeing a person’s joy written on their face is priceless.”

whisper-

hyeyoung: “i usually get the amount you’re supposed to get. i tend to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier. my alarm is santeria by sublime, like johnny’s...”

mila: “i have horrible, horrible insomnia and only get a very little amount.”

evie was answered on my other post!! ++ she also will sleep through ANYTHING even her alarms

jimin: “i either get too much or too little.”

pencil-

hyeyoung: “i bullet journal to plan, and i also write down the things that make me anxious during the day so that i can reflect and see what i could do next time to sooth myself more”

mila: “lined notebooks full of songs that i keep in a specific drawer. if i need to get out anything, it escapes my mind in a song”

evie: “my journals are 10% words, 90% drawings.”

jimin: “i have my song journals, but then i have my jimin journals which hold every intimate thought or emotion i have ever felt.”

honey-

hyeyoung: “baby or love. those are what johnny most commonly calls me. he likes to call me angel, too, and that really gets me :) .. we also call each other chipmunk.”

mila: “i used to hate being called lala, but now i love it. it’s also cute when evie calls me baozi, because i call her shumai. i also like bun.”

evie’s is answered on my other post!!

jimin: “uhh... baby, minmin (thanks, jisung), i like when people call me flower too 🥺”

velvet-

hyeyoung: “my first crush? i saw kurt cobain when i was little and thought he was the most handsome man i’d ever seen- i listened to a lot of nirvana growing up. a lot of people don’t expect me to like things like grunge or rock, but it’s very much my style!! im just shy and don’t dress to reflect it.”

mila: “i watched hercules when i was really little and became obsessed with meg. yup. it was the classic ‘i just thought i wanted to be her!’ but nope. gay.”

evie: “i don’t remember?! i think it was when i was in secondary school, because i didn’t like anyone for a while. just this classmate... and i was a cringe little fuck.”

jimin: “the first notable one i remember was when i was in second grade... i was reading twilight and fell in love with edward. yes, i was reading twilight in second grade, yes when i got to breaking dawn my mom didn’t let me read part of the honeymoon. i also had a crush on bella, and to this day, i would be in a throuple with robert pattinson and kristen stewart.”

strawberry-

hyeyoung: “cherries and strawberries, because they taste best covered in chocolate.”

mila: “mangos are so fucking good.”

evie: “grapes are arguably the best fruit and gumdrop grapes are arguably the best kind.”

jimin: “watermelon, bitchesssss”

kiss-

hyeyoung: “i mean, my first kiss was with a boy i was friends with when i was in america. we had both smoked a cigarette before it (i just wanted to try it) so it tasted bad. the other guys i kissed i weren’t proper friends with, and then johnny.”

mila: “um, ive kissed evie, like, when we were dating. i havent kissed many people to be honest...”

evie: “i kissed mila, i’ve kissed lily (a friendly peck), i’ve ALMOST kissed hyeyoung, i’ve kissed some of my guy friends and girl friends predebut- so, yes, i have kissed friends. and people who aren’t friends. i just like to kiss.”

jimin: “... sigh. renjun, chenle, evie, The Ex We Don’t Talk About, yeri (friendly, like with evie), and probably a few other friends in a non-romantic way? i dunno”

shampoo-

hyeyoung: “my favorite scent is johnny’s versace cologne, his shampoo, and his skin. definitely roses. i also love my perfume smell, clean linen, and i love the smell of champagne.”

mila: “i like the smell of cigarettes... YES i know it’s bad, but it calms me down. i’d also pick the smell of rain, or beetle, because he always smells good.”

evie: “the smell of paint and pencils is so comforting. i also like nature smells. when the air smells cold, it’s so nice. and the OCEAN.”

jimin: “home-y smells? laundry, and warm smells... lavender and florals, my perfume, and the smell of summer nights and bonfires. also any of my members.”

lace-

hyeyoung: definitely a dress person, is definitely in love with the classiness and sleeves of that first one, and is definitely happy about how sexy she looks in that second one.

mila: is NOT a dress person and prefers dresses that she can go braless with and are comfortable

evie: this is just Evie and we all know it

jimin: the first one is cute on it’s own AND with a big sweater/sweatshirt over it, and the second one make her feel like she on a european holiday

sapphos-

hyeyoung: “jiminnie :) she writes such beautiful poetry- i’m very thankful that she chose to share some with me!”

mila: “i don’t think i have a favorite poet, to be honest... i like kate bush, though, and i know she’s a singer, but she’s truly a poet.”

evie: “michael faudet. he wrote a series of poetry books, his first is called ‘dirty pretty things’ and it’s really 18+ but i thought it was gorgeous. i have all of his books.”

jimin: “asking me to pick a favorite poet is like asking me to pick a favorite member- can’t do it.”

[forbiddenfantasies1]

Tagged by @twelvemonkeyswere and @samirant. I'm putting off adult responsibilities yet again so sign me up!

What is the color of your hairbrush?

I have a plain black one, and a bright yellow one my son bought me at Christmas.

Name a food you never eat.

Fish. None of em. And people always say "Oh but have you tried..." and the answer is yes. I've tried it, most likely. Saltwater fish, freshwater fish, grilled, baked, fried, stuffed. I don't like it. I will catch it, clean it,and cook it, but I don't want it.

Are you typically too hot or too cold?

Hot. I am so hot natured I keep blankets and jackets on hand for when my mom and sister visit because they freeze.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Watching the last part of Ender's Game with my kids. They had never seen it, and were losing their damn minds.

What's your favorite candy bar?

I'm not really a candy bar person, but I guess maybe a Kit Kat? Is that really a candy bar? I'm unsure.

Have you ever been to a professional sports game?

I have. I love going to games. I really miss sports. Like a lot. A LOT.

What was the last thing you said out loud?

In the spirit of honesty it was "His entire fucking face just annoys me."

What is your favorite ice cream?

My Uncle Vernon's homemade peach ice cream. It tastes like summertime and childhood and love.

What was the last thing you had to drink?

A sip of my husband's rum and Coke. He drinks Captain Morgan Black, and wanted to prove it didn't taste like spiced rum. He is correct. It honestly tastes like vanilla Coke.

Do you like your wallet?

I guess so. It is an arty, swirly thing my sister gave me.

What was the last thing you ate?

Zuppa Toscana and ciabatta bread.

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

I bought belly buddy 2.0 an outfit for part of her birthday gift if that counts.

What's the last sporting event you watched?

I rewatched the Rose Bowl game between Oklahoma and Georgia just because I was desperate. That game landed me in the ER after my BP spiked when we blocked their field goal attempt in the 2nd overtime, and left me with a migraine I couldnt shake. It was worth every penny.

What's your favorite popcorn flavor?

Just butter and salt, I guess. I mainly like popcorn at the movies.

Who is the last person you sent a text message to?

My Mama to see if she needed anything.

Ever go camping?

More times than I could possibly count.

Do you take vitamins?

No. But I get bloodwork done and my levels are excellent.

Do you go to church every Sunday?

No.

Do you have a tan?

Not overly much at the moment, but give it a few weeks. I am naturally olive skinned (but like a light olive) and tan very quickly.

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

Probably pizza. It is a comfort food.

Do you drink your soda through a straw?

If my almost 10 year old ever sees me with a straw he will be so ashamed so I try to avoid them.

What color socks do you usually wear?

None. I tend to be in flip flops or sandals. When I do wear shoes or boots, I usually wear smart ass socks. Exhibit A:

Do you ever drive above the speed limit?

According to my driving report...yes, very often.

What terrifies you?

On a deep level, losing someone else I love, especially one of my kids or my husband.

On a shallow level, I am such a punk bitch with really deep water. There are fish the size of my car. Bigger. That's creepy.

Look to your left. What do you see?

My shirtless husband reading a book with his stupid beard and reading glasses and tattooed arms.

What chore do you hate the most?

Folding laundry. I love cooking, my husband and sons clean bathrooms, and I dance while I mop. But fuck folding clothes.

What do you think when you hear an Australian accent?

The Thornbirds. I may have read that and watched it at too young an age. It left an impression.

What's your favorite soda?

Dr. Pepper, I guess.

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru?

Drive-thru pretty much always.

What's your favorite number?

I don't have one, but my least favorite is 12.

Who's the last person you talked to?

My 8 year old. He asked me if I'd rather be able to fly or to breathe underwater. He designed them after two of my biggest fears, the sadist.

Favorite cut of beef?

Like in butcher terms? I guess the sirloin. But I like tbone steaks the most. I think.

Last song you listened to?

Ain't Too Proud To Beg by The Temptations. It came on while I was showering. It was quite the concert.

Last book you read?

The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I'm doing a 2 person bookclub with my nephew.

Favorite day of the week?

Friday.

Can you say the alphabet backwards?

I sure can.

How do you like your coffee?

Literally half a cup with the other half being either heavy cream or half and half. Then an assload of sugar. I want it super light and sweet.

Favorite pair of shoes?

I hate shoes. I wear them out of necessity.

Time you normally get up?

It varies from 5:30 to 9:45.

Sunrises or sunsets?

Sunsets. Sunrises come so early.

How many blankets are on your bed?

One.

Describe your kitchen plates.

They're big and green, with a slight upward curve.

Describe your kitchen at this moment?

Dishes in the dishwasher. Pan of brownies on the counter. There's a loud kid at the table, eating cheese dip. Another one is sitting on the floor in boxer briefs, doing an occasional booty dance.

Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink?

It is summer so I like ice cold beer at the moment. In my bar days, I liked CPRs.

Do you play cards?

My kids have become obsessed with card games during quarantine so now I'm forced to play blackjack, 5 card draw, Texas Hold Em, and War.

What color is your car?

Black.

Do you know how to change a tire?

I wasn't allowed to get my license until I could do that and a handful of other things to a car. My dad was super laid back about a lot, but not that.

Your favorite state?

I like every state I've been too so far other than a big chunk of Florida and Missouri. And to be fair I only hated driving through Missouri.

Favorite job you've had?

It wasn't a job, but my internship at an elementary school was amazing. I also like my bullshit clerk job I had where I met my husband but that's because it was super easy, paid decent for what I needed at the time, and the hot older supervisor (not mine) let me shamelessly flirt with him.

How did you get your biggest scar?

I guess my csection scar is technically my biggest, and I got it by having 5 babies harvested out of me.

My biggest noticeable one is on the back of my forearm. I had a drunk woman put a cigarette out on me many years ago. The night did not end well for either of us.

Whew. That was a lot, but they were fun questions! Most of the people I would have tagged have already been tagged so if you have been, consider yourself tagged again. And if you haven't, consider yourself tagged if you want!

[samyalter354]

How to grow a beautiful garden?

Four experts tell you everything you need to know to get growing—even if you don’t have a green thumb.

1 Know Your Region

It may sound obvious, but not everything grows everywhere, so what you plant is determined by where you live. “Take a look at the characteristics of your garden area—from the climate to sun exposure,” says Brian Sullivan, Vice President for Gardens, Landscape, and Outdoor Collections at The New York Botanical Garden. “It’s the most important thing to start with because you’ll want to understand the limits and the possibilities.” Talk to someone who works at your local garden center about the best native plants for your region, says Chris Lambton, professional landscaper and host of DIY Network’s Yard Crashers. “These will perform the best with less maintenance.” dr pye's scanmask https://www.justhomegardening.com/how-to-get-rid-of-bugs-in-houseplants-soil

2 Test Your Soil

To get a thorough reading of your soil’s pH and nutrient levels, send a sample to your local nursery or cooperative extension, suggests garden expert Christy Dailey of christy gardens. (There are also at-home testing kits available at Lowes, Home Depot, or any gardening store.) The results will tell you how acidic or alkaline your soil is, which affects how plants absorb nutrients. Since different plants thrive best in different pH levels, this test will help you decide what to plant or indicate how you should treat the soil.

Examine soil texture, too. “It should be easily shoveled and crumble in your hands,” says Annette Gutierrez, owner of Potted in Los Angeles. “If your soil is super hard or clay-like, it will be difficult for most plants to grow roots. Add fresh soil, mulch, and compost, being careful to aerate as much and as deep an area as you can before planting.” How to Revive An Air Plant https://www.justhomegardening.com/how-to-revive-an-air-plant

3 Start With “Easy” Plants

“Growing vegetables is a fun introduction to gardening,” says Sullivan. They don’t take as long to grow, so if you make a mistake you won’t have wasted months and months of your time. Sunflowers are also a good option, since they grow quickly and tall, or try easy-to-grow ferns—both of these can be grown all across the United States. “Early success is inspiring,” he says. “It might make you want to move on to more complicated plants.”

4 Create a Plan

To avoid crowding, Sullivan suggests researching your plants first so you know exactly how big they will get and how to space them out accordingly. “Typically perennials, plants that live for more than two years, should be spaced approximately 18 inches apart,” says Dailey. “This allows enough room for new growth and will usually make the garden look filled right away.”

It’s also important to know how high your plants will grow, he says. “Shorter and creeping ones should be planted toward the front and edges of the garden bed, with the taller plants in the back.” This is where knowing about sun exposure comes in handy—be mindful of taller plants that would block smaller ones, or the varieties that prefer a lot of sun or shade. How To Get Rid Of Bugs In Houseplants Soil https://www.justhomegardening.com/how-to-get-rid-of-bugs-in-houseplants-soil

5 Keep a Notebook

“A journal is really about the big picture, so jot down your dreams for the garden or inspiration,” says Sullivan. “It’s a great way to keep track of garden activity. You can also use it to keep notes about the interesting plants you come across elsewhere, so you can make a reminder to include them in your garden next year.”

6 Set a Calendar…

…or have a general idea of your big gardening tasks each season. “In the spring, I start fertilizing all plants and do that every six-to-eight weeks throughout the growing season, which usually ends in the fall,” says Gutierrez. “It’s usually too hot to plant in the summer. In the fall, after the heavy heat has passed, I prune trees and large shrubs. If I want to add bulbs or any new plants for the next year, I add them at this time, but you can also plant in early spring. And winter is when I cut back woody plants and roses, usually before the first frost.”

7 Water Carefully

“Give a consistent and ample amount of water,” says Sullivan. “'Consistent’ means you’re doing it on a regular basis and ‘ample’ means enough, which varies from plant to plant. Make sure the water penetrates the soil as opposed to just putting a little bit on the surface.” Newer plants will need to be watered more frequently because their root systems aren’t completely developed. As for the best time of day, Lambton suggests early morning before it gets too warm so the plant can really soak up the water. If you water in the evening, your plants might be more prone to fungus and other diseases. Gardening Tool Set for Mom https://www.justhomegardening.com/best-gardening-tool-set-for-mom-delightful-gift-for-mom-gardener

8 Keep Up the Good Work!

You might not have to do a lot of work everyday, but “proper maintenance is the greatest thing you can give your garden and the most rewarding,” says Dailey. “Taking time to deadhead, weed, prune, and tidy up will get you in tune with what the plants need to thrive. You will inevitably see how each plant reacts to weather changes and how to correct issues like infestations before they become too problematic.” If you notice stunted growth, check what’s going on with the roots of the plant by carefully examining and digging around the underlying soil, Sullivan says—sometimes they will need to be gently opened or teased so that they can spread out in the soil.

“Gardening is a process,” says Sullivan. “It doesn’t just happen in one day—it takes time.” Sometimes impatience will cause you to overwater or fuss too much with the plants in the hopes that they will grow faster. Monitor them regularly, but unless something looks wrong, let them be.

[megan-callitwhatyouwant]

What Taylor Swift means to me: An essay

Taylor Swift is not just another popstar - not to me at least, and I need to vent.

Taylor Swift’s debut self-titled album came out on October 4, 2006, I was 7 years old at the time, about to turn 8. I felt really alone, my parents were in pre-divorce meaning they were still trying to work through a failing marriage and living in my home was like walking on eggshells, it didn’t help that we had just recently moved from Kentucky to Illinois, hours away from any family so we were on our own. It was summer of 2007 that my mom’s dad and stepmother came to visit us from Kentucky. My Nana (my mom’s stepmother) really loved country music. I did not, I hated it, and was really disappointed to see that CMT was the channel she had chosen to watch (not to worry I have since grown and seen the light that country music can be in dark times, I also discovered old country which is honestly ~iconic~.) As I was actively bitching in my head about how much I hate country music Taylor Swift came on the screen with her super curly blonde hair talking to “Drew” in front of some lockers and I was of course intrigued, the next scene is her laying in a bed snuggling a guitar with rhinestones on her face and lip gloss on her lips  (which was and always will be iconic) and I was absolutely obsessed. I begged and begged my mom for the album and finally received it in November of 2007 for my 9th birthday, by this point my dad had lost his job, at the time I didn’t know why but I later found out he was so depressed about his relationship falling apart that he had just quit going to work, his options were to find a new job in Illinois where we lived or to take his old job in Kentucky back. He ended up doing the latter and moved away. We stayed in Illinois so my mom, who went back to school late could finish her degree, at the time the understanding was 2 years. It was like really really hard on me when my dad left, I fell apart a bit and was angry at my mom for keeping us in Illinois and angry at my dad for leaving but it’s hard to be angry at someone you miss. My dad always got me a white teddy bear on Valentine’s day and the most recent one had been easily my favorite and I started taking it to school with me everyday to still feel close to him, everyone knows how kids can be especially when you’re taking a freaking stuffed animal to school and you’re almost 10 years old. I knew it was going to happen, I knew I was going to get shit from other kids but it was so important to me to just have that little piece of my dad and to not feel alone but things got really hard with the other kids. Taylor Swift felt like my only friend and she sang about being an outcast in songs like “The Outside” and “A Place in this World.” She gave me songs to feel sad to when I was angry like “Invisible” and “Cold as You.” Absolute bops to make everything feel right in the world like “Mary’s Song”, “Our Song”, and “Should’ve said no.” This album had everything I needed when I was going through this as a kid and listening to it even now serves as a reminder that things eventually get better and the songs on it are all still absolute bangers. Taylor knows how to capture feelings that feel unmanageable and unexplainable and make them magically feel manageable and like a shared experience. This is I believe what has made Taylor such an unrelenting force in the music industry and why she so seamlessly was able to transition from country to pop. It was never about the genre it was absolutely always about her lyrical genius and the shared human experiences she has always been able to portray so well.

I am so lucky that I found Taylor at such a young age, dumb luck has had her releasing albums exactly when I needed them most. Fearless came out a little before my birthday in 2008, Taylor has a pattern of releasing albums in the fall which also happens to be when my birthday is so it works out perfectly for me. Fearless served as a healing album for me, it was one I danced around my room with my one friend to. It helped me cope with my first crush who obviously didn’t like me back and it made me feel normal despite how hectic my life was with my dad being gone and my mom being essentially a single mother with 2 kids while pursuing a college degree (which was an amazing feat for her but didn’t leave her much time to spend with my sister and I.) I absolutely adored Taylor Swift and every song she released just made me feel everything and I loved her. Fearless for me is like a time capsule to simpler times, I listen to Fearless and it makes me feel like everything is going to be okay and everything was for a while. I found out in Summer of 2010 that my parents were getting a divorce, I had thought that they were trying to work things out so this came as a shock to me, my mom wouldn’t tell me what happened. Me and my friend I mentioned earlier, Margaret-Rose, were on a spy kick we had just gotten our hands on the Nancy Drew movie that came out in 2007 and had recently watched Harriet the Spy so we came up with a plan to figure out what had happened. My mom is the type of person to tell every bit of her own and everyone else’s business to her friends on the phone so me and Margaret-Rose thought it would be an excellent idea to have a sleepover, put on all black and sneak downstairs and out into the garage where my mom would have private phone conversations, we snuck out and hid behind my mom’s van in the garage and waited for her to come out and call a friend, we knew she would do this because she did this every night, she still does. What we found out is that my Dad had cheated on her and she had already been cheating on him, in my little 10 year old brain this computed to both my parents are terrible people and I was of course extremely hurt. I didn’t know how to tell my mom that I’d heard her, I laid there venting and crying to my friend all night it just was all around bad.  Of course not too long after Speak Now came out and had the songs “Innocent” and “Never grow up” on it which were a huge part in my healing from what I’d heard. “Innocent” helped me realize that I didn’t have to be mad no matter how wrong the things they did were, I could be hurt and forgive them without holding onto the anger that I felt, I could see them as innocent people who just made some mistakes. This is of course easier said than done and I sometimes do still feel angry but it really helped me adjust my perspective and I come back to both songs frequently. The album also had, as always, a few bangers to help you forget and feel magical.  Speak Now is hard for me to listen to now despite being such a beautiful and heavy body of work just because it takes me back to such dark times, but I think sometimes it’s important to take yourself back there just to show yourself what you went through and know that you got through it. Speak Now for me serves as a testament to the strength it takes to get through that kind of emotional pain and broken trust.

Taylor’s album “Red” came out in the last half of my 8th grade year, this year was rough for me because I knew it would be the last school year I’d spend in Illinois with the people I’d been going to school with for most of my life and then I’d be moving back to Kentucky to be near my Dad, 5 years later than the initial plan. It was just too hard for my parents to be around each other so they chose to stay in separate states which obviously wasn’t easy for the kids involved. It just served as an escape from my usual life as all previous albums had, I loved how much raw emotion was involved in this album especially. With “All Too Well” I couldn’t relate to the romantic part of it, but there were so many lines in the song I could relate to easily which is an amazing thing about Taylor Swift songs almost exclusively, even if the entire song doesn’t quite fit your situation you can always find a line or verse somewhere that just hits you hard in the chest. For me anxiety about moving away was eating me up and the line, “Time won’t fly it’s like I’m paralyzed by it, I’d like to be my old self again but I’m still trying to find it” just hit home so hard the first time I heard the song, that line comes to mind every time I feel nervous or scared about anything for a while because it just embodies that feeling so well of just not feeling like you and wanting what you’re going through to be over. I’ve never been through a romantic heart break but I’ve had friends break my heart and parents and just life in general and Taylor just embodied that so well with this song. This album is one I come back to frequently as I get older, it’s amazing how coming back to the albums you can experience them differently with your new life experiences. I’ll get back to Red later.

1989 came out October of my sophomore year of high school and I didn’t listen to it. My parents were actually going through the legal process of a divorce and things were just bad. I lived in a hotel for 2 weeks bad and didn’t want another one of her albums to feel like a time capsule to terrible times so I was waiting for things to get better but they just got worse my junior year. I listened to a lot of My Chemical Romance those 2 years if that shows at all just how angry and unhappy I was, I’m not going to get into it too much but my junior year of high school was the worst year of my life hands down. I FINALLY listened to this album in its entirety my SENIOR year of high school. I’d obviously heard songs from it on the radio despite trying not to and they were amazing and the album won a Grammy for album of the year, I was extremely excited to hear Taylor’s first all out pop album. She’d experimented with pop on a few songs on Red and those were, of course, iconic bangers. 1989 will always be one of my favorite albums by Taylor. I was (am) in a happy relationship, I was (am) in love, and I was thriving as a senior. It was one of the happiest times of my life and I could finally listen to her love songs and actually fully understand what she meant. “You are in love” will always always always mean everything to me and be about my boyfriend. “Clean” absolutely brought me to tears after the years I’d had before, I was reminded how healing she can be. “Style” is THE bad bitch anthem, there is no other song you can hit a strut to like “Style.” Taylor really made the perfect pop album on her first try and I’m so glad I waited to listen to it despite missing out on following the tour and watching the press conferences because 1989 will now forever be a time capsule into one of the happiest times of my life.

Reputation came out when I was starting college and let me tell you I HATE college. I was hating life and in the midst of all the college hating I was doing I find out that my boyfriend had chosen to attend a college in Pennsylvania which, for reference, is a 12 hour drive away from me. Aiden is the actual light of my life, he is what is good in this universe. He’s patient with me when I don’t deserve it, he understands me, and is there for me when I need him and how I need him without fail. He, much like Taylor, just knows what to say and how to make things better, they are the type of people everyone should strive to be like. Aiden being there makes things so much better so finding out he wasn’t going to physically be here anymore was rough. Life was rough, and I of course had a fresh Taylor album right when I needed it. This album was different from the rest because she was happy and in love when she wrote it, she had overcome hardships and I had never been able to relate to one of her albums more. I knew what it felt like to be misunderstood and seen as the bad guy by the people around me and watching her rise from the ashes the way that I had to not too long ago made me feel so good, I was so glad to see her happy and I was so happy to have the love songs to describe what I was feeling to go with it. “Dress” reminds me of how I felt about Aiden before he was my boyfriend, “Call it what you want” reminded me of him still wanting me despite the rough years I’d had previously, “King of my heart” ,“New Years Day”, and “Don’t blame me” will always be Aiden songs to me, always. Not to mention the absolute bangers Reputation delivered in “Delicate”, “I did something bad”, and “Ready for it…” Reputation deserved album of the year hands down and I’ll leave it at that. Despite Reputation being Taylor’s most lovey album by far Red has some of the most iconic love songs on it as well, “Treacherous” and “Come back, Be here” fit my situation so well it’s scary and they really just help me a lot right now because long distance is hard and I don’t know anyone I can talk to who can relate to what I’m going through fully and Taylor really just is there for me, again.

My point in all this is that Taylor Swift will be an icon long after she stops producing music and writing songs. I’m confident that this generation’s children will listen to her music and their children’s children because she is timeless. The raw emotion that goes into her songs is timeless and relatable. Her music isn’t popular because it’s catchy (though she’s good at that too - see “Shake it off”,) Its popular because she captures those raw emotions that you don’t know how to put into words or cope and puts them into words, she makes them normal, she makes you feel like you are not alone. She not only does this with her music but in the way that she treats her fans, she invites groups of fans to her home to play the album for them before it becomes available to the public, she interacts with them online, her mother handpicks fans from the crowds at her concerts to meet her backstage. She feels like a friend more than a celebrity and that is the magic that is Taylor Swift. I can’t wait for the next chapter.

@taylorswift

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Vol. 5 The More the Merrier

This is a re-posting from October 9th, 2018 in an effort to get all my recaps fully on tumblr. Thanks!

Hello, moon.

Will we ever learn what happened to you? Not in this episode! That ominous shot (countered with the oddly soothing sound of crickets) is just to situate us before we pan down, revealing the gang making their way to the meeting with Lionheart. And honestly? I kind of love everything about this composition. Let’s tick things off:

We have Jaune and Ren mirroring each other with determined expressions and clenched fists. They’re ready to kick ass if need be.

Same with Ruby and Nora except they look like they’re out for a casual moonlit stroll—with the added bonus that Nora is manically thrilled about this adventure.

Yang is pretty blasé. Been there. Done that. Survived worse.

Weiss? The embodiment of “Ugh I could be home right now instead of walking around in this heat this had better not mess up my hair.”

Oscar looks way out of his depth and is hanging back from the rest, as we’d expect given that he’s a farm boy joining a group of elite fighters that have had years to bond without him. It’s Awkward New Kid Syndrome with a side of extreme danger.

And then there’s Qrow. Out in front. Suspicious looks all around. Iconic hunched shoulders. Really wants to put his hands in his pockets but the animation isn’t quite there yet. Behold, everyone. Our leader.

For real though, jokes aside I honest to god love this opening. It’s quick and from a practical standpoint sets up only that they’re heading somewhere as a group, but if you take the time to actually look you’ll see each of their personalities shining through. We might bitch about RWBY’s faults, but there’s a whole lot of love poured into this series and more often than not you can see it in the details.

Ruby pauses then to take in Haven tower—always one to appreciate beauty even when things are bleak—and then hangs back until Oscar has caught up. It’s a wonderful little moment between them because there’s no dialogue and ultimately none is needed. He doesn’t stop for reassurance, but he could. Ruby gives him that option and waits until Oscar passes her before continuing herself. The whole scene is heavy and poignant. There’s nothing but music until they arrive inside and Lionheart breaks the peace with, “Why hello. There… seems to be more of you than last time.”

Yeah. You can hear the fear in his voice. As if the rest of this setup didn’t already scream “TRAP, TRAP, TRAP,” He’s gotta be super suspicious in his greeting too. Leading them out here in the dead of night. Lionheart up on the podium—both figuratively putting himself above them and literally keeping himself out of harm’s way. Then the first thing out of his mouth is a worried comment on their numbers? Suspicious, suspicious.

Qrow: “Oh you know what they say. The more the merrier.”

He did the title thing! Love that.

Except the delivery makes it clear that Qrow is also suspicious as hell. No one has drawn their weapon yet, but the fight has already started. Qrow and Ozpin know that this is no simple meeting. Now Lionheart knows that they know. A quick shot reveals both his fear and the fact that he came with a weapon of his own:

Qrow tries to continue the charade by asking what’s up with the council and Lionheart is so bad at acting casual it’s actually painful to watch. He wants to know why they all brought THEIR weapons while hiding his own behind his back. As if they in any way failed to miss him standing there with it in full view for the last thirty seconds.

I can’t with this guy. He's just so bad at being bad I almost feel sorry for him.

(Although, as we in the U.S. have certainly discovered the last two years, the incompetent ones are often the most dangerous…)

As said, the fight has already begun. While Qrow and Lionheart trade subtext Yang checks out their perimeter, immediately picking up on the raven that just happens to be chilling on the banister. A simple, whispered “Mom?” and Qrow has his weapon out and a shot off, barely missing Raven as she swoops down beside Lionheart.

Can we appreciate that reaction time for a second? I feel like between Ozpin’s Super Secret Magic and Qrow’s self-deprecating drinking the fandom tends to forget that he’s easily one of the most powerful fighters we’ve seen to date. He demonstrated that in his playful spar against Winter, keeping Tyrian on his toes while also ensuring that the kids were safe, and here as he responds blindingly fast to a one syllable word. A few seconds later Raven calls him out for missing or, just as likely, deliberately missing since he doesn't want to kill her—yet. Which makes it all the more impressive that he can aim and achieve the results he wants in such a short amount of time. You 100% do not want to fuck with Qrow.

A nice cut using Lionheart’s back and Raven becomes human once more. In the realm of ‘artists paying careful attention to how their background characters act,’ Oscar is uncomfortable but isn’t even looking at the threat—almost like he’s listening carefully to something the rest of them can’t hear—while Nora looks downright floored. “They really are magic,” she says to herself, solidifying with evidence what they'd been told a few episodes back.  

Okay. Rant time. I still don’t buy these reactions. Really not great on the world building front here. I mean, we’ve had Pyrrha who controls magnetism, Ren who manipulates emotions, Yang has a Hulk mode that includes changing eye color, Blake can create clones of herself, Weiss is basically a necromancer, Ruby turns into rose petals, give him an episode and Jaune will straight up heal a girl, and Nora herself can store/release electricity. Why is turning into a bird so incredibly shocking? It would feel way more natural if they saw Raven and Qrow’s transformations and went, “Okay… so that’s their semblance?” and then Oz has to explain about the difference—being born with an ability vs. being granted it—which is cool and there’s surprise that that’s a Thing, but their reaction to the ability itself is still pretty meh. Because they’ve literally seen weirder.

We’re given no indication as to WHY a bird transformation instinctually reads as more impossible than transforming into rose petals, other than “one is magic and one is not because we say so.” There’s no justification behind the characters’ ability to recognize magic when they see it, especially given the incredibly wide range of abilities RWBY has shown us over the years. Either attach more overt rules to semblances (obvious boundaries where the viewer understands what is and is not possible) or make Ozpin’s magic look radically different. In this world summoning storms and turning into birds doesn't read as radically different. Hell, in many ways Dust, an incredibly common commodity, is more powerful than this supposedly gasp-worthy magic. Why be impressed with Raven summoning rain clouds when Weiss can create powerful winds in her fight against Flynt with just a bit of Daddy’s money?

But anyway. I digress.  

The verbal sparring continues. Oscar still isn’t making eye contact. Raven spouts more of her excuses, Salem can’t possibly be stopped, we're all out for ourselves, blah blah blah. Ruby emphasizes that they’ve already done the impossible, but they only achieved that because they were working together. Separation and a pessimistic attitude is exactly what Salem wants. Ruby wants Raven to join them.

And take a gander at that contrast between sisters. As I’ve said before, Ruby is the classic full-of-heart protagonist who believes that almost everyone can be redeemed. As we’ll see in a second, the exemption to this appears to be Cinder. Her murder of Penny and Pyrrha highlights her irredeemability in a way that overshadows Raven’s—and even Salem’s—more nebulous crimes. The bigger your actions are the harder they are to conceptualize. The smaller and more personal they are the harder they are to forgive. Paradoxically, it’s easier for someone like Ruby (and the fandom…) to shrug off Raven’s actions because as of yet she hasn't felt their repercussions as intimately.

Yang though? She has. And in this moment she’s not ready to forgive.

Raven refuses of course and tells Ruby she sounds just like her mother. (Give us flashbacks of Summer!) She summons a portal where a fireball flies through, hitting Ruby square in the chest and allowing the whole evil gang to join the party. We get a closeup on Oscar as he and Oz recognize Hazel, locking them inside while the White Fang sets up their bombs.

Hazel: “No one’s getting in… and no one’s getting out.”

Because RWBY, for all its dark storylines, is still hella cheesy at times lol.

Weiss: “So this was all just a trap?”

Ren: “It appears so…”

Ah, naive little children. If only you were watching from our fourth wall perspective you would have realized it was a trap more than an episode ago! Too bad.

We learn that Lionheart was the one who secured Team Bad a place in the Vytal festival. Not only that, but he’s been passing information about huntsmen and huntress whereabouts to Salem. That’s how they were all murdered and Qrow’s realization of this—after spending all that time looking for them and hoping against hope—is definitely a kicker. “I couldn’t find any of them… because you let her kill them.”

Keep in mind, most of those people were Qrow’s friends.

Jaune, as we’d expect, is at his breaking point. Pyrrha’s murderer is standing right there and, as he says, rubbing their faces in how many people she’s killed—“All with that damn smile on your face!” We’ve had all of two instances of RWBY cursing and it’s definitely needed here. I appreciate that his tears and his anger are basically a call to arms. Most everyone draws their weapon as soon as he's finished speaking. Qrow’s still trying to keep the peace, but Jaune’s very existence is a walking testament to exactly how much these people deserve to be brought to justice.

He yells that he’s going to make Cinder pay for what she did and then comes the most brutal line in all of RWBY.

Cinder: “Who are you again?”

Damn. They’re never gonna top that.

Perfect characterization though. As the audience it’s easy to forget who knows who in a big ensemble cast and, more importantly, who cares about who. From Cinder’s perspective Jaune is a nobody she's barely met. Why would she remember him? If she’d instead made a taunt about his dead girlfriend most of us probably would have just shrugged off the plot-hole, but paying attention to details like this is not only, a) satisfying but b) wonderfully vicious. Way to twist the knife here.

Jaune attacks as we knew he would but Cinder easily blocks him. Ruby joins the fray only to be stopped by Emerald—“You’re not getting near her.” (Love the devotion.) Yang pairs off with Mercury to settle an old score. Raven orders Vernal to take out “the heiress” (rude, she has a name) and in another excellent nod to the switcheroo that tricked both the team and a large chunk of the fandom, she casually throws out that Vernal doesn’t need to use her power to kill a kid.

Good excuse too. Considering, you know, she doesn’t have any.

No more fake outs. Qrow attacks Raven head on with the announcement that they’re not family anymore. Harsh, but deserved. Raven’s “Were we ever?” smells more like denial. We also get a good look at their similar, but differently balanced color schemes.

As their fight takes them out of frame we stay with a rather terrified Weiss. To her credit though she holds her ground against Vernal, assuring her that she’s “more than a name.”

Finally, Ren and Nora—ever the perfect duo—are left to fend off Hazel. He’s one of those real asshole villains who has a “code” that they follow. He doesn’t want to fight two kids half his age and power level… but he has to. Just like he has to keep pursuing his misguided revenge against Ozpin. And he, like Raven, feels the need to announce to the world that this isn’t what he’d prefer. It’s just how things are! Totally out of his hands, I’m sorry to say.

We’re seeing a trend with the villains and their justifications, yeah?

With everyone paired off Ozpin-Oscar (I need a portmanteau for them…) sneaks over to confront Lionheart. Lionheart goes from telling this supposed stranger to get himself out of the fight while he can to attacking him with a rock-lava-energy blast thing in like five seconds flat. Of course, our two favorite BAMFs block it with ease and we get the RWBY equivalent of,

(x)

Holy shit this kid blocked my hit??

Beautiful.

The second the cane comes out though everything makes sense and we get another stellar line of “Not quite” when Lionheart identifies him as Ozpin. I really love that they let Oscar handle the first half of this battle. Yeah, it’s a little flimsy that he’s able to take on an adult after just a few weeks of training, but we also don’t know how much he and Oz are already sharing. Fighting might come naturally to him now in a muscle memory sort of way. Regardless, he kicks ass and I’m loving it.

“You found Qrow,” Lionheart says. “How?” implying that he might have been doing even more work than we saw to keep those two apart. A voiceover from Ozpin wonders what happened to his former ally. The fact that Lionheart knows all the details of Ozpin’s reincarnation tells us that yeah, they were really, really close.

That knowledge is dangerous too. Realizing that Ozpin “couldn’t have had that form for long” Lionheart gets over the debilitating shock of fighting, you know, Ozpin. We hear him rationalizing in the wonderfully creepy manner of the desperate that this is just a boy in front of him, a boy soon to be Ozpin, and if he delivers the kid to Salem he’ll “finally be free" of her. Sounds a lot like Raven thinking that the relic will protect her; a lot like a hurt Tyrian muttering that she’ll forgive him.

RWBY does a good job of reminding us in small ways how utterly terrifying Salem is...and what that fear drives people to do.  

This would be the (supposedly) perfect moment for Ozpin to take over. Oh no! Lionheart is all serious now! Oscar is worried! But the only thing Ozpin does is tell him to “fight.” I’ve heard a lot of people in the fandom claim that Ozpin is a monster for his possession, culpable for something that’s outside of his control. But Ozpin has no desire to take over people’s lives like this and—unlike Hazel or Raven—it really is out of his hands, to say nothing of the fact that he does all he can to actually achieve what he thinks is right. He can’t keep himself from merging with Oscar, but he can give Oscar as much agency as humanly possible, including here. The only times we see Ozpin take that agency away is when it really is for the greater good (they can’t afford to hide on a farm forever) or when Oscar is well and truly in over his head, like after the fight with Hazel goes on too long. Taking over Oscar at that point is to save his life, akin to forcing someone out of the way of a blast.

But we’ll get to that.

We come back to the fight between Weiss and Vernal as Weiss tries to buy herself enough time to summon her knight. Vernal easily cuts through her summoning though… which is kind of a relief? In that RWBY (usually) knows when to limit new powers. If Weiss had no real limitations on her summoning—the time it takes, the energy it requires—we’d be wondering why she didn’t just summon a whole, super-powered army every time they were in a spot of trouble. Too many shows (Supernatural...) craft crazy powerful characters and then conveniently forget about that power when it would too easily solve a conflict.

Also, check out that smile from Vernal.

We segue to Cinder and Jaune. Kudos to Jaune for holding his own one-on-one! He really is Pyrrha’s student. Remember what other kid managed to hold her own against a freaking Maiden, at least for a time? 

Emerald won’t let Ruby get anywhere near Cinder. She “owes her everything" after all. But she’s willing to indulge her (so to speak) and summons up a mirage of Cinder to fly at Ruby. That and the resulting attack startles her enough that she sets off Crescent Rose, the bullet narrowly missing Weiss.

…Portent of things to come.

Because we’re back on Weiss and it's becoming clear to the viewer why we’ve been focusing so much on her in this battle. A shock from Vernal’s weapon rips out a scream from her, draws Jaune’s attention, and Cinder cruelly asks if he’ll “let her die too.”

Gotta have the fake-out first though. Deciding to take him seriously, Cinder charges with intent to kill and the head-on strike triggers Ruby into remembering Pyrrha’s death. Her silver eyes instinctually go off, blinding everyone and halting the battle.

Emerald knocks her out fast but even those few seconds was enough to effect Cinder. Apparently once you’re struck by that kind of power your body remembers it. She’s down on her knees, clearly in pain, and Jaune takes the opportunity to get a strike in, managing to clip the half-mask she wears.

And yeah. Cinder’s pissed.

Partly from getting caught in one of Ruby’s blasts again. Partly because a “nobody” like Jaune managed to hit her. Awful when that power you sought isn’t as perfect as you were promised, huh? Jaune makes the mistake though of declaring that he’s not important, only his friends are… and Cinder knows exactly how to make one of the good guys suffer.

Why just kill him when you can instead kill the girl he was worried about moments before? Why grant him peace when you can vividly recreate the trauma of Pyrrha’s death instead?

We have just enough time left in the episode to see the team’s shocked faces, watch Cinder’s weapon disappear, and then we cut with Weiss in mid-fall.

It’s a brutal combo of content and editing. Thanks, Rooster Teeth! I hate it!

We all know how things turn out though… so that's some kind of comfort. Until next time!

Other Details of Note

When everyone enters Haven tower we see this statue… and honestly I’m not entirely sure what to make of it. Something something it’s a maiden guarding a Maiden relic. Something something broken chains and freedom. Something something Atlas-esque imagery of holding up a world…you get the idea. It’s symbolic.

Cinder calls Qrow “little bird” and Lionheart “lion.” Always something wonderfully creepy about villains with a penchant for nicknames.

When Jaune first charges Cinder we pull back behind the chain on the statue and see it sway from the force of his attack. It’s quick and subtle, but an excellent visual detail to show us how strong he’s gotten. Pre-Fall of Beacon Jaune never would have managed that kind of force.

For all its faults in places, I enjoy how much this fight makes use of space, especially when it comes to Weiss using her glyphs. It’s not perfect or as complex as what we might have had with Monty, but I think the team is improving in their choreography overall.

Yes, Jaune is well over his schoolboy crush on Weiss---something I'm pleased about---but it still hits hard to have her as the victim here. Out of every team member Cinder could have targeted she chooses the one other girl Jaune might have had legitimate, romantic feelings for. In an alternate timeline, so to speak. 

So the whole “villain walks slowly towards the person they’re gonna kill and everyone who normally has superhuman reflexes doesn’t move an inch” trope is crazy annoying, right? Just putting that out there...