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#was the lone thing holding me back!!!
televinita · 2 years
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wait wait wait
I COULD HAVE BEEN CASUALLY USING EMOJIS FROM THIS WINDOWS DESKTOP THE WHOLE TIME?? (or at least since I switched to windows 10 last year)
ASLDLJSDFSDF why did WORK have to be the one to explain to me that you can “use emojis in any app by pressing the Windows key + .”  ?????
😂🤦‍♀️👀✨🌈 🎉👍
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pepperpixel · 25 days
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Initial drawings of that old man… I literally, I haven’t finished reading the book of bill yet!!! I had to stop and take a break for a week to feverishly draw fanart of myself petting fords floofy hair and giving him attention and shit…!!!! The urge was too great….!! I’ve literally. I had a crush on this guy the instant he was first REVEALED in the show, but I did not have the artistic prowess to draw good looking old men back then… but I do now… thank god… thank fucking god
#gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#self ship#self insert#si x canon#it me#doodles#I got a haircut! so my hair looks different now.. as haircuts tend to do lol#anyway… yeah… I LOVE HIM… GRAHHFJH#the confirmation that he rlly is just sad and lonely and insecure and craving attention and validation#OHH FORD BBY.. WE R THE SAME#like… ghghg i loved him already just w his prickly nerdy outer shell but knowing more about the vulnerable center is GREAT. ITS AWESOME#also hes a smart nerdy guy who can do science and expirements and shit which is ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS FOR A CHARACTER TO DO#u kno im all about scientists….#I couldn’t draw ship art back then 1 cuz I didn’t kno how to draw old men and 2 cuz I was like 13 lol… which would have been wierd#but I’m an ADULT NOW. GET OVER HERE FORD#also it didn’t even rlly cross my mind TO draw that stuff cuz even tho I did love ford#self ship and x reader sorta stuff was not NEARLY as popular back then.. like I specifically remember it like. booming in popularity#at some point. but being pretty rare before that. anyway. thank u passage of time and trends and new gravity falls book for introducing#me back to fictional man I love. so I can now draw myself smooching him and shit#hell yeah.#13 is probably not actually correct I do not remember exactly which year fords reveal was in…#but I was probably older then 13.. but still#the point remains lol.#also omg. the bit in the book w the goth moth. ‘ur probably into this sorta thing right?’#I AM INTO THAT SORTA THING FORD. thank u book of bill for being written specifically @ me. the immersion it’s great.#like ur so right ford I AM edgy and goth how’d u guess that tee hee. eyelash flutter#aLSO PLS IGNORE MY FINGER BEING IN FRAME IN THE LAST PIC. I was drawing in a tiny bound sketchbook#so I had to hold the paper down to keep it flat. and. I didn’t feel like censoring my fucking. pinkie finger out of the image
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naamahdarling · 5 days
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#fucks me up that there are two whole new animals in the house that i barely know#who depend on me for everything#barely recognize me as a friend or helper#and are so incredibly incredibly fragile#i got worried for junie today because her spay incision had some swelling#and it's normal to have some and i have seen it before#but after what we just wemt through i got upset and rushed her to the vet#who said it was fine and thankfully we have free office visits#but i was so upset even though i knew it was probably normal#i look at them and i see adorable cuddly sweet TEMPORARY things and i feel like something inside me got broken somehow#and i was right all along that after it was all over i would come back but not quite as myself#i just hadn't fully understood the extent#we are keeping them and it sort of had to happen when it did but i think it was too early for me#they are so cute and when they do cuddle it's so sweet and obviously i would fight for them as hard as i would for Fancy#because that's just how the deal works and it isn't about you at all it's about how they each carry a little world inside them just as we d#and that deserves equal respect and care regardless of my personal affections#but i look at them and i see little creatures that don't belong here and are foreign in some fundamental way#and that they will be gone in just a little while and things will go back to how they were#which is impossible#we will settle in and i doubt anything i am feeling is abnormal but I'm really struggling and i feel so bad about that#i don't know#it's just a lot to deal with#and i feel very lonely and sad about it#and under it all the sick feeling of having JUST held all three lads as they passed and the VISCERAL reality of it#and knowing one day if everything goes just right i will be holding them too#dear god life is so fragile and every living thing is just as mortal as any other
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moeblob · 3 months
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"It's lonely without Bernard..."
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tcfactory · 5 months
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Okay smartass how would you fix Bingqiu if you had your way?
If you actually want to know you could do to be less of a rude little shit about it, anon, but all right.
This is not about 'fixing' anything. Bingqiu is a wildly popular ship and a lot of people enjoy the exact kind of delusional insanity these two have about each other and that's honestly great. Love it for them. Not my cup of tea though.
I think the easiest and fastest way to make them sort their shit out and maybe put them in a position where I might actually be interested in what's going on with them is to take the protagonist halo away. Maybe the System short circuits, maybe it just gets automatically turned off after the extras, don't know don't care.
A lot of Shen Qingqiu's self delusions are fueled by his unshakeable belief that Luo Binghe, being The Protagonist, is Perfectly Fine the way he is. Binghe is the Protagonist, so when there are no character development or obligatory angst events going on he is happy and healthy and a slightly charred good boy and Shen Qingqiu is The Happy Wife who dotes on his hubby and Everything Is Right In The World. Endless honeymoon with their responsibilities only coming to bother them every once in a while. And it makes it way too easy for Binghe to cover up that he's still hurt, still unstable and still insecure by what went down because Shen Qingqiu is willing to take him at face value when he presents his insecurities as just being shameless neediness for his husband. Of course he happily indulges Binghe! But that isn't really helping with the core of the problem now, does it?
Like, Binghe takes steps towards ensuring Shen Qingqiu's mental wellbeing even at the cost of his own as soon as Maigu Ridge is over when he takes him back to the sect. Shen Qingqiu tries too, in his own way (the entire segment in the tombs is all about him putting himself in very real danger for Binghe's sake) but at the same time, this is a guy who completely missed the writing on the wall that Bingge was deeply unhappy in PIDW. As long as he can hold onto his internal picture that The Protagonist Suffered A Lot But He Is Fine Now I don't think he can really offer the right kind of emotional support for Binghe to actually heal from what happened to him and move on to a healthier frame of mind.
If you take the protagonist halo away, then first of all Binghe can, you know, suck a little. Or a lot, actually. The world not making excuses for him and him being a little defanged would be good for him. He gets really nothing he actually wants from being the protagonist - Shen Qingqiu will love him anyway. Mobei-jun will still stick around to back him up and help him out, because he's still Shang Qinghua's favorite fictional son and Qinghua is happy to see Binghe happy, just, you know, somewhere way over there where he can't get jealous tsundere over Cucumber bro and maybe murder him about it. Sha Hualing is still going to be his buddy because he's her best source of human trivia and the writing inspiration for her girlfriend. Not having to be demon emperor and getting more time to spend with his husband would be a relief.
But he would have to be more aware of other people because he's not above them anymore. Maybe even forced to make a few new friends to get by. And his mask will fail and Shen Qingqiu will have to see him for what he is: just Luo Binghe, still hurt and still confused half demon, who loves him very much, but can't make sense of him and is afraid that he will be left behind or pushed away without explanation again and that's kinda Shen Qingqiu's own damn fault.
And Shen Qingqiu can't hold onto his delusions about The Protagonist. He can't willfully ignore that things are not fine with Binghe because he's not the Protagonist anymore and the world only allows that special privilege for the Protagonist. Binghe is just a guy now and he has so many heart demons he needs help with. His trauma from the abyss or Xin Mo can't be brushed off with 'oh that's just part of his blackening he's fine now' anymore. And it might need a little bit of adjusting to internalize that these problems have always been here just below the surface, but Shen Qingqiu genuinely loves Binghe and would want to help him become happier and more stable in any way he can.
Binghe becoming part of the world in a way that's one person among many - building a support network! maybe befriending new demons or actually getting to know and making up with the QJ disciples or finding common ground with LQG and becoming sparring buddies - rather than a protagonist in a sea of NPCs is a lot more interesting to me than whatever he has going on at the end of canon. And Shen Qingqiu can be there with him on that journey, because he already started unlearning the sense of unreality the System conditioned into him, but he still has a long way to go.
#i feel like a lot of very real hurt and mental scarring Binghe suffered just get brushed aside as 'oh it's just part of his blackening'#like the aftereffects of Xin Mo alone would deserve a mention but Binghe Has The Love Of His Life Now So Everything Is Fine#also I think people really undersell how hard SQQ can delude himself when he tries#he already had practice in it convincing himself that he's absolutely het and not even a little gay at all#but then the System really fucked up how he sees the world#made him see things structured completely around the arc of a harem and then romance protagonist#and neither of those frameworks ALLOW him to see how mentally scarred LBH is by everything#like he would occasionally get a moment of 'oh LBH might actually need more friends he looks lonely hanging out with just me and NYY'#but then his idiot reader brain reasserts itself and he convinces himself that it's FINE because the protagonist can't be maladjusted#I joke a lot that Binghe is a red flag and that's Shen Yuan's favorite color#but it's more a case of “you say that it's a red flag but I won't see it because the narrative can't allow it to be red”#Shen Yuan's attachment to the source material and the roles he constructs based on it are actively harming both of them#and I don't feel like it really makes things better that by the end he moved himself from the role of the Villain to the role of the Wife#they are still roles that impact how he interacts with reality n still constrict how well he's able to understand or be understood by Bingh#tl;dr.: Shen Yuan needs to become less of a delulu millennial trashfire bc it's holding both of them back from healing#anyway these are my unfiltered Bingqiu thoughts take it or leave it
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steelycunt · 1 year
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starting 2 finish up research and move into trying to create some sort of plan and. this r is sooo. oh my. he is the loneliest girl in the world but like actually this time. he is so very. he needs a hug so terribly much he is such a sock in need of darning he needs a little kiss he needs. even just one single friend
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reading-writing-dying · 3 months
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Time to go to bed because the thoughts are thinking hahahaha
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obnoxiousarcade · 3 months
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I have a longing to be understood more than anything else i think
#someone very recently acknowledged something that usually goes unseen and it wasn't even that great of an acknowledgement but ive just been#staring at the messages every once in a while. its great. not really i sort of feel like a real weirdo#im very lonely. i cant say why but let it be known that i am very lonely#ok i have a question to those who lie their eyes upon this post: tell me what you know about me please?#so much lies in my social perception and i am just. not being perceived. at all. darn#i have a lot to cry about but morally i dont think i should-- specifics would mean being mean to the people i love#talking to anyone anymore just makes me feel horrible. doing anything anymore makes me feel horrible..tmbg has my back though ill live for#another.week or a few. and then my birthday will happen and rhen um#.Well. it sucks that sucks man. i dont want to disclose my age but to elaborate on why ACTUALLY HOLD ON#the thing i am about to say is not true; it is a metaphorical thing: it is my 21st birthday soon.#i decided that i wouldnt live past this age around 5 years ago and the only reason ive lived five years is being killed this year. i dont#think every thing ive been desperately clinging on to for the past 2 (?) years can keep me alive past then..i think im going to die. i have#to#NO MORE BEING A DOWNER#fox (vulpes vulpes) on the Internet for the first time#okay maybe a little more..i dont know who im talking to in this post. my friends do not read my tumblr and. i dont know anyone else.really.#uh#I'm listen to tmbg right now i love them#hey reader; i can only think of 3 people who see enough about me to check my blog. so i have separate questions for the each of you.#one of you likes (liked? school came in and i couldnt see your blog much past then; idk if its changed) tmbg. what do you think of The Else?#and uh you there... the guyyy. Google john flansburgh..i dont have a reason to this one ive just not been able to stop thinking about askin#you what you think of him.#um third person..... um#okay theres nothing iecan ask. i do want to apologize to you though: im sorry.#iThis is bullshit#im gonna delete this soon#Um also sorry if my wording here is. really wack. i tend to do that#i dont think anyones going to see this as is always#i think i just like talking to the hypothetical beast. yeah
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martianbugsbunny · 1 year
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I'm now experiencing the strong urge to alphabetize my bookshelves by opening line thanks a lot Jim
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fabulouslygaybean · 8 months
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i am once again overwhelmed by love for humans as a whole
#just. fuck#oh my god. oh my god. i love humans. i love humans and i love life and i love that i get to be a part of it#it sucks sometimes and there are awful terrible things that happen and im not going to deny any of that#but just. im thinking about all the strangers who've ever been kind to me and im overwhelmed with love#the girl ive never seen before who grabbed me to dance during my last homecoming with the biggest smile on her face#the kid who taught me where to dig for clay in a lake when i was 8 who told me he loved me when i said i had to leave#the stranger at the last show i went to who held onto my shoulder as we jumped and yelled and laughed together#the little girl who came into my workplace today that told me with the most starstruck face that she liked my hair#the older lady who helped me pick up all my things after i dropped them in a park after an incredibly hard day#the trio of teenage boys who played with me on the playground for hours one evening when i was 6 because they saw i was lonely#the random man who bought me the snack i tried to put it back when i realized i didn't have enough money for it#the teen girls who chased off some guy who tried to kick my head in and then ran back to hold my hands and make sure i was okay#fuck. i love people. i love human beings so much.#i love being alive and im so so glad i made it past middle school even though i thought i wouldn't#i get to look at sunsets and sunrises and i get to pet dogs and i get to wade around in lakes and pools and ponds#i get to hug and hold people and i get to laugh so hard my stomach hurts and i get to yell and scream in happiness#i get to eat good food and listen to good music and i get to run and jump and dance#i get to see beautiful things and i get to watch strangers live their lives around me and i get to be a part of it all#it's amazing!!! fuck!!!! i get to be a part of it all!!!!!#i love being alive and i love that ive made it this far#i don't know what the future holds but im just so glad im even here at all#sorry about the long sappy ramble and i know this probably looks weird but i could not care less#im just overwhelmed with love for everything
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finished on earth we're briefly gorgeous. want to fucking throw up. i want a movie made out of this but just as abstract and non linear as the book with exactly as much detailed imagery and nothing left out. i want to cradle it in my arms and kiss it. i also bawled for an hour. read the author's discussions on the book reviews etc. im fucking losing my shit this reminded me of what poetry can do to a person. i had forgotten how words can make you feel. i have never seen a book about being born into survival like this and learning to build a life around it and ive never seen an asian person write it. people i am frothing at the fucking mouth.
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lovecolibri · 11 months
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Nobody look at me and the 4 new Drop Out shirts I ordered to go with the shirt and hoodie I already have and the 4 other D20 shirts sitting in my redbubble cart. It's FINE. I'm FINE. This is all FINE.
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maybemoonbeams · 2 years
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anyone wanna reblog this and tell me in the tags what your current hyperfixation(s) is\are becuase i
#am having a category 7 autism moment over pipe organs#i do not remember the last time i opened up the wikipedia page for something to read recreationally#i initially sought out the list of the biggest ones (because large)and had to step down to the main page first because theres all this ling#and i wanna know what everything does#the music itself has to be a pretty specific vibe for me to like it bc if theyre not played a certain way it gets really cacophonous for me#but the instruments themselves are fucking monsters and playing them seems less like performing on a instrument#and more like harmonizing with a great beast#you start it with a key??#it takes all of your limbs and the thing is constantly breathing#the sound will continue for as long as you hold the note it will not dissipate???#you can record things and play them back it will even remember stop settings it has memory??#stops control how the pipes sound if youve ever heard of pulling out all the stops this is that#theyre like orchestras able to be played by a single person some of them even have voice sounds#the people who play these things are also their own type of beast#pipe organists are wild because god there's just so much#it scratches my loner badass complex so acutely#a lonely person shouldering an entire symphony contrasting against scores of people playing a single piece together as one#you could write an anime about this#did everyone else just already understand about these things or#blake.txt#good tags
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united-under-skyfall · 10 months
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#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to#get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all#at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without#radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up#it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping#and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place#so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are#gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park#or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years#and it's only been a week.#and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold#super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking.#and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so#few options and i volunteered for it in the first place#and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises#of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block#just. what am i even doing here.#tag ramble
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tellmegoodbye · 1 year
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I've had some time to collect my thoughts after a couple of days so here they are even though nobody asked.
I really loved the finale. It was devestating, no doubt, but I think this is their best one yet and I absolutely loved how they handled it. There was so much grieving in this episode, not just from Carlos, but from Owen and Judd as well. But despite everything they chose happiness and the wedding ending up being beautiful and bittersweet and joyful all at once.
There has been the question of deleted scenes but there's really only one we've seen so far that I would have loved to see in the episode. Other than that, I'm just glad we get to have them all as extras. I don't think the wedding needed them though.
Another thing I'd like to add is that yes, sometimes storylines can feel rushed in shows where you have a lot of characters and especially if there are clear favorites within a fandom. There was a lot going on, but that doesn't necessarily mean any one character's storyline is less valuable than another's. I guess I'm speaking as less of a fandom member and just more as an enjoyer of the show if that makes any sense. I love all of the characters in this show, and while I would be lying if I said I liked every single storyline, that doesn't mean I wish they didn't happen. In this case, however, I loved all of the storylines and I think they all made sense together given the theme of this episode. I personally don't think any of them shouldn't have been there in favor of getting more wedding content.
Honestly, my only regret is not getting off of tumblr as soon as the final bts stuff started coming out. I'm pretty bad when it comes to guessing things so if I hadn't been aware of the theories I literally would have had no idea and it would have hit me so much harder. It still got me pretty good though.
Again these are just my opinions so feel free to ignore everything I say if you didn't feel the same. I'm happy though, and I'm going to continue being incredibly annoying about this show. ♡
#I'll just touch on this in the tags cayse more people have put this a lot more eloquently than I could#but in terms of the decision to kill of gabriel I know a lot of people feared two things#1) it was too close to the wedding 2) potential future storylines would take a hit#and if it had happened any other way I would have agreed with the second one#but the fact that we got that scene between him and carlos was really important#and they way it happened really opens the door for revisting this in the future#I would honestly be really surprised if they don't come back to this mystery because there's a lot of potential there#and speaking of potential I think we reallly started to see so much more of carlos and a side of his character that we've never seen before#him dealing with his grief and in the end chosing to allow himself to have his wedding#that moment between him and owen#I loved all of it and I know in shows like this it can feel like characters start to get stagnant but this is definitely not the case here#not just carlos but everyone else had moments this season that just showed us so much more of them#and it makes me excited for their character development and what future storylines will hold#anyway I think those are all of my thoughts#if you're going to say anything please be nice I don't really do well with negativity#I usually stay out of fandoms for actively airing shows because discourse isn't great for my mental health#but since y'all are like 90% lost shameless mutuals and 10% bots I feel safe enough to share my opinions publicly lmao#har rambles#911 lone star#weewoo rambles
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munamania · 11 months
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something that makes me feel guilty is the fact that seeing that persons face rn literally makes me angry. they walked into class and i nearly winced. and in all fairness they were quite kind to me. outside of the several kind of odd red flags. girl whatever. to be quite frank i am a horny bastard and vocal proud etc but few people interest me enough to actually want to hang out with and get to know And i have deep seated intimacy issues so it's like. we really dont have a shot unless the circumstances r exactly right on a full moon perfect thursday of a month etc like. well and tbh i probably would have fucked around with this person but i dont... care... about some big relationship w them.. and i know i could be a relationship girl like eventually i have it in me to have a muse that's what im built for i think idc but not rn... rn i need to hang out with my friends and do my film stuff and have people that maybe wanna make out sometimes is that so much to ask for. for a lesbian at a bar to want to make out perhaps. ** for there to be lesbians at the bars to potentially make out with.
#and i am quite lonely yes thank u for asking. yeah someday id love to get to know someone again in the context of falling in love#what about it. so what now. i dont think im meant for our understanding of romantic love but boy do i crave it#why am i having this moment rn. well ok consider im on my period all i could think about this morning was [redacted] and both parties#of my dyke drama were back in class today. and the one gay person that i think has a crush on me but we dont see each other super often#so im just. guessing based on the way awkward lesbians communicate. idk#and i feel really just mean but i quite literally dont have it in me to pretend to be nice to this person anymore#i wasnt like. some villain for realizing we were acting really coupley and being like oh shit because i didnt want to hurt them#. and trying to communicate and put some distance between us when i thought they were probably in too deep. it's unfortch it took me a sec#but jesus christ yk i cant walk around and feel awkward about it forever. and im frustrated by the fact that we're just acting so odd#but again frankly i think it's largely bc they have an unhealthy relationship with dating. THROWING HORIZONTAL PUNCHES HERE.#OK. STONES FROM A GLASS HOUSE. IM AWARE. REAL RECOGNIZES REAL.#and YET. despite my past insanity. ive been kind. i can understand disappointment and a little awkwardness#but jesus would you rather i pretend to be in love with you for months and then really break your heart.#this is where i get mean and make a joke like well hey if we couldve had weird really mediocre sad angry dyke sex abt it#that would have been cool with me. but alas. we're here instead and it's fucking with my friendships too#and like we were kind of ok friends too. what now. its just u me and this brick wall u built between us bitch#now was EYE not answering texts for a minute. we dont need to get into it.#because the thing IS if i dont play things exactly right. and im not good at that without prior planning. i will accidentally say or do#something that i know. again. from being insane myself. would be just enough for them to hold onto hope#and im not trying to do that to them you know. i was trying to help with the detachment. shitty as it may be. i dont fucking know dude#this post is going to make me look kind of. well. whatever u guys have seen me at my worst. mostly. and post#ok one last thing sorry if this makes me sound like i have a giant ego. like wow heres this person who really liked me and im just shitting#all over them. not what im meaning to do but whatever
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