#watch me make this doc and then not get any of this challenge done and hate myself for it lmaoooo

[izzy-b-hands]

Attempting to organise the our flag characters into levels for that complete cast challenge thing bc surely attempting this challenge on hard mode with a huge cast will help my writer's block/s

and checking imdb for all of it and just....there's a guy on here for a character named Dax, and it went uncredited and i'm just sat here like. Whomst in the fuck was Dax and where was he. How in the fuck am I gonna write for this guy and the huge list of other extras when I can't even place the fucking scene some of them were in. Like, some like Abshir I remember of course but others im just. fuckin' patrick looking under his rock like 'whomst the fuck are y'all????' I know I probably saw y'all but had no idea this is who you were meant to be playing and-

I make good decisions lmao

[changingplumbob]

Glenn Sutherland

Reworked for @cawthorntales's bachelor challenge. More below!

Tell us a bit about yourself.

Hey there, I'm Glenn. If I was to describe myself in one word it would be garden. I love getting into nature and getting my hands dirty. I have a wonderful garden with plants grown from clippings that have been in my family for generations. The neighbours like to say I practice witchcraft with how well my garden survives over winter. Rumors like that have done enough damage to my family tree over the years, all I have left is my grandfather. Any abilities I have are between me and the watcher, and hopefully Grayson.

Why did you apply?

Who doesn't want love? The world is full of beautiful people, me included. What good is a perfect flower if you have no one to give it to? I'm ready to branch out to new horizons and open my heart.

Outfits for my bisexual guy

What do you enjoy apart from gardening?

If I'm outside I like hiking, fishing, camping under the stars. At home I love to be in the kitchen. I cook up meals all the time. Cooking allows for a lot of experimentation with flavours, no magic required, although it can give it a nice kick... I have to exercise to balance out all the good food I eat, so sue for being proud of looking good. I do like to curl up on the couch to check out a movie, especially if the weather is bad. If we're watching a series together, don't be skipping ahead without me!

What are you looking forward to?

Meeting Grayson! He sounds like an interesting guy. What can I say? I like a guy with muscles. And they told me he has a dog! My grandfather and I had a German Shepherd called Doc Brown, you know after the inventor in Back to the Future. I miss that dog.

What are you dreading?

I have been told by some before that I'm an acquired taste. I'm really not looking forward to having to prove myself alongside a bunch of other contestants. People can assume I'm full of myself but I have the skills to back up my ego.

Do you have a message for Grayson?

Hey handsome, I heard you're looking for a special someone? If you like being showered in flowers then I'm your man. Give me a chance and I promise I'll treat you and Olive right. Lets make our own epic love story.

CC info ... Download (SFS)

@pralinesims: Skin detail lashes Temza, Left eyebrow studs, Earrings back in time

@nucrests: Bayside Shirt

@frenchiesimgirl: Jeans, Tattoo (whimsical flowers)

@helgatisha: Formal suit Recolour Vest Victorian

EA Content: My First Pet Stuff, Cottage Living

[idv-news-boi]

-> Questions for OCs that I’ve been brainrotting about-

{written by yours truly, Laurence :)}

Relations/Bonds

What kind of sibling would they be like, even if they canonly have siblings or not?

What kind of friend are they? Is their treatment the same as how they treat to a best friend and a relative? (this is a pretty deep question if you think about the pros and cons of how they are beneath the surface- don’t be scared to be honest.)

Put your OC and their familiar/friend/other person's OC/acquaintance/significant other/enemy and write a dialogue between them to show how they would tend to treat each other.

Describe OC and their family in one meme.

What are the OC's thoughts on (insert other person's name).

Take out a blank doc or canvas digital art, over the asks. Make anons mention an OC and you slowly reveal a net of relations/thought arrows with your OC as the center of the frame.

Anime

If they ever have an anime intro or outro, how would it look like?

What genre would their anime story show? What lesson would they try to teach their audience?

Would they watch animes about isekai stuff?/ih

What kinds of voice lines would they have? What are their signature quotes? Their Motto?roommates?

What kinds of anime tropes do they like? What kinds of tropes do they dislike?

Lore

What happens if your OC never had trauma or encountered a big life changing event in the first place?

Tell me their backstory but it's nutshell edition

Describe the first moment they were created/born.

Have they ever took out their first baby teeth? If so, how was it like? If not, did they ever have to take out one part of themselves to let something new grow back as a part of their growth?

What was the first story, myth, or Fairy tale they were first told about?

Would they have a happy ending, or bad ending once their story is over? Or it will be an ongoing lore over the years?

Item Psychological Test

Give the OC a piece of paper... what is their first thing they would do with it?

Give the OC an empty gift box... what would they do?

Give the OC a shoe... What would they do?

Give the OC a cardboard box... what would they do?

Give the OC a pocket mirror... What would they do?

Give the OC a coat... What would they do?

Give the OC a toy block... What would they do?

Scenario reactions (can be considered as 'What if' type. If muse never experienced that kind of stuff, just imagine if they have ever done it since it shows more about their character)

If they ever encounter their ex, what would they do?

What do they do if they ever encounter an old friend who have ghosted them along?

What would they say to a person's confession if they don't view them in a romantic way?

What would they do if someone tries to hit on them?

What would they react when getting bullied?

What would they react to a joke they dont find as funny?

How would they explain to a kid who asked "what is death"?

What is one thing they want in a society in order for it to meet their needs/interests?

Dress-up

What color do they think they like/best fit on them the most?

How would you rate the OC from 1-10 in terms of being a fashion model material?

What do they prefer mostly in a clothing; color, texture, or size?

(Challenge the OC to wear something that is opposite from what they usually or have ever wore. Like if they are often seen wearing pale colors, challenge them to wear neon/bright colors)

(Suggest the OC to try an outfit you can find on internet or magazine)

Domestic, Sleepover & Roomates AU

Would they be willing to step on a rat or get rid of it for their roomates?

What do they do in a sleepover? Any fun facts?

What type of drunk person are they?

Do they know how to clean a bathroom?

Do they believe it's necessary to put seat belt on before the car moves?

Are they capable to fix broken furniture?

Would they know how to fix a machine, electronic, or a computer in the household?

What rules would they like to set when living with roomates?

Horror Movie AU

If they are into horror movies, what are their favorites?

Would they make analysis and theories after playing a mystery game story? If not, what signs do they show that they actually enjoyed the game?

What kind of character stereotype would they be in a horror movie? (The final girl, the Jack, the entity, the pawn, etc.)

If a Halloween party prompts OCs to dress based on horror movies, what would they dress?

??? (Pins' horror fanatic oc reveal incoming)

School AU

How long can they handle remote learning?

What type of student would they be?

What school club would they like to join?

How would they react when a fight between students happen in front of the school?

What country can you imagine your OC would study abroad at? Or a different fandom world?

What gang would they be in; skip lunch, have school lunch, or bring their own lunch?

How would their desk setup look like? What's inside their school bag?

Dystopia (in honor of my nonfandom world :)) )

Would they survive in a zombie apocalypse? What would they do to do so? What will they bring?

What are their thoughts about the popularity of AIs and robots?

Based on their occupation, will they be able to maintain it in the future and not be replaced by machines? If not, what would they do to keep it alive?

What kind of dystopian story would they be most scared of? Which dystopian trope would fascinate them?

(I was thinking of having peeps put a 🌸 in this blog’s inbox so I can just randomly spill a Dyanthus dystopian story from different sect states, like Euphrasia’s Oxidanopolis)/ih

[sydsaint]

could you do something with matt jackson where the reader gets a minor injury from the bcc and he and the rest of the elite finally return to help her?

Love this idea! Heel/Protective Bucks r my fav. Hope you enjoy !

It was just supposed to be a routine night on Dynamite. You had a match against Julia Hart scheduled for the middle of the show after you and Julia had exchanged some words backstage a few days ago. Nothing you haven't done before. 

The trouble came after you managed to pull a win from Julia. You'd been minding your own business in the ring, enjoying your hard-fought victory when the BCC music hit. You've never had any beef with anyone in the BCC. But they descended to the ring like rabid dogs anyways. 

"Umm, can I help you?" You'd made the mistake of standing your ground when Moxley approached you. 

"You can get out of our ring." Moxley spits back at you. "Playtime is over. The men are in the ring now." He'd sneered at you. 

Never one to back down from a fight, even if it's one that you know you can't win. You stood your ground. "I'll leave when I'm good and ready thanks." You dared to challenge Moxley. And he didn't like that one bit. 

Before you even had a chance to get another word out, Bryan Danielson had already stepped up to the plate. He'd grabbed your arm and yanked you forward and onto your knee's before you even registered that he'd moved from Jon's side. Being half their side and caught off guard, Bryan easily kicked you around before dumping you over the top rope of the ring and sending you crashing down to the floor. You'd hit your head on the way down obviously, because the next thing you remember is being in the infirmary. 

How in the hell did you get yourself into this mess?

"Y/N?!" Matt's voice makes you open your eyes back in the medical room. 

"Matty?" You groan as you sit up, head throbbing in pain. 

You blink a couple of times in the harsh light of the infirmary. When your vision finally focuses, Matt is at your side and coddling you like his helpless baby girl. "Y/N? Oh my gosh! Are you alright? The doc said that you hit your head. What happened?" He asks you. 

"Matt." You groan again. But Matt doesn't shut up. "Matthew!" You warn again and this time Matt falls silent. "I'm okay, honestly." You assure him and push him back a bit by the chest to give yourself some space. "My head is just a bit tender is all. As for what happened. It was Moxley and all his dumb BCC buddies." 

"What?" Matt replies in a mix of shock and anger. "Why in the hell would Mox and his buddies want with you?" He asks you. 

You shrug, starting to regain your strength now. "I mean, I was kind of mouthing off in the ring. Just a little bit." You admit with a small laugh. 

"Y/N!" Matt scolds you. 

"What?" You reply. "They started it, Matty." You insist. "I was just minding my own business in the ring after my watch with Julia when they showed up. It's not my fault." You cross your arms in a pout. 

Matt lets out a sigh and shakes his head. He steps forward again and kisses your temple before he turns back to Nick and Kenny standing off to the side of the room. "Hey, you two want to help me defend my wife's honor?" He asks. 

"We've got your back." Nick nods and pushes off the wall.

"Anything for, Y/N." Kenny agrees with a lighthearted chuckle. 

Matt, Nick, and Kenny all gather up and head for the door. And, not about to be left out of the action, you hop off the medical table and walk over to them. Matt puts his hand out to stop you, but you swat it away. "I can defend myself, thanks, honey." You insist. 

"Baby, you're hurt." Matt reminds you. 

"It was one minor spill." You remain stubborn. "I'm fine. Right, doc?" You turn to the doctor to prove your point.

The doctor shrugs and glances down at his whiteboard. "There's no sign of a concussion that I can see. And you seem perfectly aware of your surrounding, Mrs. Jackson." He adds. 

"See!" You point at the doctor. "I'm fine, Matty. So let's go." 

Knowing that he can't stop you if the doctor says that your're alright, Matt grumbles to himself and lets you pass him. You grin to yourself and everyone heads out to find where the BCC is so you can get some revenge. 

With the gang all rallied together, it doesn't take long for you to find the BCC locker room. The boys stand at the ready and you knock on the door. A few seconds later, Wheeler Yuta is the one to open the door. "Hi, Wheeler." You flash a smile at the youngest BCC member before delivering a swift kick to his torso. 

Wheeler falls back into the locker room with a loud grunt and you step back to let Matt, Nick, and Kenny all rush the room and take care of business. Chaos ensues in the locker room and you help out where you can while the boys do most of the work. While you're busy helping Nick with Claudio, you hear Matt threatening Jon on the other side of the room. 

"You think it's funny to assault my wife like that?" Matt beats on Jon with a ferocity that you rarely see in him. 

"You got this, Nick?" You turn back to Nick and he nods. 

You hurry across the room to where Matt is still beating Jon senselessly and reach down to grab his shoulder. "Matty, it's okay. He's had enough." You pull Matt up and away from Jon. "Matt, come on." 

Matt's nostrils flare as he stands up straight. You step between him and Moxley on the floor and hug him tightly. "Keep away from my wife, Moxley," Matt warns Mox from over your shoulder as he hugs you back. "Come on baby, let's go home." He lets you go and grabs your hand. 

"One second." You nod and turn around to look at Jon just as he starts to pick himself off of the floor. You kick Mox in the stomach as hard as you can and he crumbles back down to the floor. "Alright, I'm ready." You turn back to Matt. 

Matt beckons Nick and Kenny to the door and everyone heads out, leaving the BCC a mess on their locker room floor. Matt kisses your cheek as you walk off and you intertwine your hands together with a smile on your face. 

Justice served. 

[vvmylove]

I can make you mine Pt.2

Okay it was NOT 10 google docs pages I apologize(im delulu)- Either way, here you go. I also got rid of the pole.

READ PART 1 FIRST

1,225 words

--

Y/N halts her movements, turning her head to the side. “Maybe you are like a damn puppy,” she seethes, already annoyed. Even though they had just met, he had already gotten on her nerves. Taking a deep breath, she continues walking down the halls. 

“Oh yeah? Wanna test out your theory?” Goo challenges with a smirk, pacing faster just so he could stop right in front of her. He found the situation amusing. “I could be a damn puppy, or I could take you on my lap and show you-” he begins to mention before being interrupted by his phone ringing. His playful antics were over. Goo clears his throat, taking out his phone. “Hold on-” he places a finger on Y/N’s lips as he takes the call. 

Y/N furrows her brows at the sudden change of atmosphere. “You whore,” she murmurs under her breath before swatting his hand away from her face. “Don't ever talk to me again,” she raises her voice this time, clearly annoyed before storming off. 

Goo lets out a light chuckle, thinking the girl would end up running back to him sooner or later. Who wouldn’t? He's Goo Kim after all. Or so he thought- He watches as the girl storms off and shrugs it off, but a minute later he quickly chases after her. 

“Hey wait a minute! We are NOT done talking-” he whines.

Y/N doesn’t stop. Of course she wasn’t. She makes a swift turn into an office and slams the door in his face. Slamming her back against the wall, she had forgotten to lock it. She huffs, catching her breath for a moment before walking over to the chair and taking a seat. Thinking she was successful, she leans back in victory.

That was until Goo had aggressively turned the knob on the door, thinking it was locked. The door had swung open and he had almost lost his balance. A small grin appears on his face, composing himself. “So is that how it is? Running away like a coward?” he playfully questions, shutting the door behind him. He walks over to the desk, leaning forward a little. 

Now it was Y/N’s turn to whine. “Leave me alone! What are you doing here?” she pouts, attempting to somehow shoo him away by her charm (doesn't make any sense, but in her mind it did.) 

“I'm asking myself the same questions” he sighs to himself. He rolled one of the chairs over to where she was, sitting right next to her. Placing an elbow on the chair and the other hand under his chin, he faces her. 

“So you really wanna test out your theory?” Goo reminds her, wriggling his brows teasingly. He smiles sweetly, snaking his hand from the chair over to her thigh out of nowhere. “Like I said, I could be a damn puppy, or I could-”

“That's all you can do?” Y/N blurts out, interrupting him. She snickers, raising a brow at him as she looks down at his hand. She may have been annoyed before, but now she wasn’t phased. Maybe she could play his game after all. 

"Yeah I'd like to see you try," she challenges, smirking as she stands up. "You know Charles wouldn't approve anyways" she finalizes, sticking her tongue out at him.

Goo’s face lights up seeing Y/N take the bait, “Looks like i'll have to put you in your place then.” He adjusts the glasses on his face, standing up. He basically towered over her, looking down at her in admiration at her words. 

“And who said I give a damn about Charles? You think I can't have a little fun~?" He teases, glancing down at her. 

Y/N giggles before extending her hand out. "I demand 5 billion dollars then," she says confidently. She wanted to know how far he would go. 

“5 Billion? Hmm… What do I get in return?”

“To be yours”

“And ill be yours? Sounds like a good deal to me” He whispers, his tone sweet and enticing. Goo takes a step closer, his hand slowly creeps towards her, caressing the side of her cheek. 

Y/N slaps his hand away once again. “Nuh uh- I said, give me 5 billion first,” she tilts her head to face out the window, placing her hands behind her back. 

“5 billion? Charles’ had never even offered me that much. You know I can do something better instead,” he suggested, taking another step forward. “I can give you all the attention and love you’d ever want-” He suggests, trying to convince her with his charm. He leans in a little more, slowly placing his hands around her hips. Sounds like a good deal to me, idk why Y/N’s playing hard to get😭

She places her hands on top of his for a moment, before moving it off her hips. She grips onto his wrist with a smile, “I said, 5 billion won and ill date you.” She knew the guy would never give up money that easily. It was an easy win for her, hopefully he would stop bothering her. 

Goo chuckles at her words, taking out his phone. “5 billion for a pretty girl huh?” He shakes his head. Just because Charles had not paid him that much, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have other ways of earning money. He chases money for a living, and is willing to spend it. 5 billion won was easily replaceable, but a girl like Y/N wasn’t. He enjoyed the thrill of chasing her, the idea of having her as his. It's not like they were serious anyways. Goo clicks another few buttons and Y/N’s phone notifies her that the transaction was completed.

Y/N was dumbfounded, bringing her phone to her face. She thought asking for a high amount would send the guy away, not bring him closer. But still, she took a good look at him. Goo was handsome, there's no doubt in that. She stares at the bright screen, verifying the amount. She had not expected him to actually pay such an amount. 

She raises her head up to look at him, maintaining eye contact. Her eyes never leave his, as she seats herself on one of the larger couches, looking over as to invite him to join her. She couldn’t resist him anyways. Me when i realize I indeed control the story 

She takes a seat on one of the couches, making herself comfortable. Goo doesn’t hesitate to join her, immediately placing his hands on her with a smirk. Not knowing where to start, he places his hand on her sides. “It's settled then right? You're all mine,” he states, answering his own question. 

This time, Y/N doesn’t resist any of his touches. Instead, she leans in with a nod. Goo doesn’t waste any more time as his lips attach to her neck, placing soft kisses. She tilts her head to the side, as to give him more space to mark. She brings her hands up to play with his soft locks, gripping onto his hair. She yanks his head back a little, ”Already huh?” she smirks, looking into his eyes for a minute before crashing her lips onto his. She had to admit. Goo was hot. He definitely made Y/N his. 

----

why is this only 2 parts damn😭 I thought I would be able to go for about 4 chapters.

man ive been all caught up with school work- I couldn't find the proper time to write this. Sorry if its you know, not up to standard.

[thylacinetears]

@dronepikachu's GeminiTay Appreciation Week Day 2: Interactions with hermits

Buying Books and Bullying Bdubs

In which a tour of iBuy allows Gem to engage in her favourite activity - annoying Bdubs.

I basically never do these challenges but I love Gem and I figured I'd give it a try for once! No guarantees I'll do any more past this day - I prefer to take my time writing things. But who knows?

I'm also not sure if I'll post this to ao3, because that would mean everyone on tumblr would see my account and vice versa… But oh well. Hope you enjoy it!

~~~

"Alright, welcome to iBuy!" Impulse exclaimed with a smile. He opened the door and stepped aside. "After you."

"Thank you!" Gem replied. "I'm so glad you were able to give me a tour, I would be so lost in this place otherwise."

"Hey, anything for my upstairs neighbour. Now, the elevator is over here... What was it you needed again?"

"Just some enchanted books. My tools are looking a bit worse for wear with the latest additions to my base. I've been building up a bit of a chest monster, too!" she said, with a self-conscious laugh. "Please don't tell Pearl, she won't be happy."

"Wouldn't dream of it. Now, books are on floor 2, that's… already selected, so you don't need to spin the selector or press the button."

"So I just go in?"

"Yup! Except, oh, watch your head, it's only two blocks tall-"

"Oh, thanks for the warning. Yeah, that's a little too short for my antlers, they're at full growth at the moment."

"I'm so sorry, I didn't think about that when I designed it… I thought it just had to be tall enough for Doc and Mumbo! I can try to-"

"Oh, it's fine, I just have to duck a little. See? It's all good."

Gem ducked into the elevator and felt the bubble current bring her up. She held her hand above her head to stop her antlers from hitting the top, and then stepped out of the elevator. Impulse followed her a few seconds after, coming out of the elevator with a practiced jump.

"Ah, what good timing! Impulse, I think I may have broken your redstone," shouted a familiar voice from the other side of the room.

"Hey, Bdubs," replied Impulse, fondly shaking his head. "What have you done this time?"

"A 'Hello' might have been nice, Bdubs. Didn't your mom teach you good manners?" asked Gem in mock offence.

"Okay, sorry, sorry! Good afternoon Gem, good afternoon Impulse, can you please fix your shop, I've been trying to get it to work all morning."

"Alright, let me see. Be with you in a moment, Gem." Impulse walked over to observe his machine, and Gem sidled up to Bdubs.

"Hey, Bdubs. I have a question for you," she said, a cheeky smile forming on her face. She could sense an opportunity forming, and if there was one thing Gem was never going to do, it was miss out on an opportunity to annoy Bdubs.

"Sure, what is it?"

"So, when we talked about your height the other day, you mentioned that you sometimes count your shoes and hair in the equation. Is that correct?"

"Uh, yeah. Doesn't everyone? It's a perfectly normal thing to do."

His voice had taken on a slightly defensive tone, as it always did whenever the topic of his height was mentioned. The fact that she could faintly hear Impulse chuckling in the background probably didn't help things. Gem made sure to speak in her most innocent voice - no point getting him riled up before she could say her point.

"See, I had to be a bit careful when I was using the elevator before, as Impulse didn't quite make it tall enough for my antlers at full growth. So, I was wondering - if you count hair and shoes as part of height, you've gotta count my antlers, right?"

"Yeah, that makes sense, I guess." Bdubs looked at Gem suspiciously, but before he could say anything else he was interrupted by Impulse.

"I think I found your problem, Bdubs." Bdubs and Gem moved closer into the shop, and Impulse continued. "So, unlike the other shops, you don't actually put the diamonds in the same place as the items. You put the diamonds in this barrel here, and then get the books. You see?"

"Oh, right. Like that shop Doc and Ren had last season, I remember." Bdubs picked up three enchanted books, and grinned. "Thanks, Impulse. That's all I needed. What about you, Gem?"

"I'll just take some efficiency and unbreaking books," replied Gem, depositing her diamonds in the barrel. "It'll take me a while to get through those, I think."

"Take an extra one if you like, as a 'welcome to iBuy' gift. Anyway, what was all this I heard about what counts as height?" asked Impulse.

"Well, you said the elevator was tall enough for Doc and Mumbo. So, wouldn't that make me the tallest Hermit, counting my antlers? Right, Bdubs?"

"I mean - yeah, I guess it would..." Bdubs acknowledged.

"So, we might just have to crown Gem as the tallest Hermit, is what I'm hearing," said Impulse.

"Yeah, I think so," agreed Bdubs, nodding his head. "Hey, I could even try to get you an actual crown if you like, I'm sure I've got a spare one hanging around. I've got some experience in crowning people, y'know."

"Sure, I'd love that!" Gem smiled sweetly, and tried her best to hold in her laughter before delivering her final blow. "If you could reach my head."

"HEY!"

~~~

Hope you liked it! If you're wondering what I headcanon their heights as for this fic: Impulse is 5'7-8 ish Bdubs is 5'10, and almost 6 feet with shoes on and his hair spiked up (I think that the short jokes are even funnier when he's not actually that short!) Doc is 6'5 if you count goat horns, and 6'3 if you don't Mumbo is 6'5 Gem is 5'6, but her antlers make her 6'6 and technically the tallest hermit!

Also, Bdubs really has (jokingly) insisted that hair & shoes count as part of his height, I think it's somewhere in here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lj1iI7djozY

[girl4music]

Another thing that Wynonna gets right that Buffy didn’t. I say “right”. What I mean is it’s what I prefer to see. Moral greyness. Without stipulations. Just the simple “I’m a better person than I was before” even when they’re not technically a “person” anymore.

“I do what needs to be done ‘cause I’m a hero. And you know what, yeah, sometimes that makes me a killer.”

“‘Cause I would die to save my sister. Or kill. Anyone. Everyone… I just want to keep my family safe.”

“You can't keep doing this. Killing people and pretending like it doesn't affect you.”

“Right would’ve been shooting that thing and us running for it!”

“He wasn't always a thing, Doc. And if I'm gonna keep killing them and not go crazy, then I need more than revenge!”

“God damn it, Wynonna, they’re bad people!”

“So I’m just supposed to ignore that they’re people at all?”

“You would be dead before you drew.”

“This whole ‘fastest gunslinger in the west,’ that something you proud of? Shooting people who don’t have a chance to fight back?”

“Some people deserve to be shot.”

“Who decides that? ‘Cause the history books say one thing; my family says another. So you tell me, do you deserve a bullet or do I? Maybe, I’ll let fate decide.”

“Whatever side we fight on, the blood we shed to win the war, will damn us all.”

“It’s not a war, Holliday. It’s just a town filled with women who would have us both fight to the death.”

Moral high ground is annoying and preachy. And there’s nothing really to learn from it other than good vs evil. But real people who have experienced both sides know that it’s not that simple or easy. Not at all.

Buffy touches on this a few times. But the problem is they don’t really explore it properly. And they keep to the moral high ground of a hero is always the law. And what that does is it prevents any real moral greyness because the heroes are always the heroes and the villains are always the villains: it’s not how it works.

So in this way - I actually prefer ‘Wynonna Earp’ because they properly explore what should have been explored in ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ but never is. They have the conversations - the conflicts - but they don’t have the “am I really a hero for killing them”? And the reason why they don’t is because the canon lore is “demonic possession” rather than demonic corruption. Yet the arcs themselves show otherwise.

Wynonna leans into what is shown in the arcs.

They don’t reinforce the canon lore when the canon lore no longer makes any sense because of the arcs.

With Wynonna I get good AND evil and the fluctuation and the questioning of which side is which…

With Buffy I get “I am the Law and that’s that” when the other characters are challenging the hero on this. But the hero doesn’t learn anything from that conflict.

Because the hero always has to be the hero in the end.

There’s a mountain of war veterans that will say this isn’t realistic. It’s not the way any of that ever works.

So in this way - yes, Wynonna is better than Buffy. And I would even say Wynonna is a better lead protagonist because her flaws are on display and are addressed as flaws rather than just qualities and skills that she has to have to win a supernatural war that she never really gave any true consent to be the collateral damage for. I don’t think anyone realizes that Buffy isn’t a militant. She’s not a trained professional like Riley and Sam are. And she gets a Watcher to “train” her who isn’t either. She pretty much learns to deal all on her own which is inspiring but isn’t realistic. And is - in reality - illegal.

And I don’t know. Maybe there’s some kind of appeal in watching that very nihilistic point of view. But I would have preferred it if this woman got to retire and let everyone else that could and would fight take over. And I would have preferred it if they addressed that maybe not everyone on the side of “evil” had to die ‘cause if you make that damning call then you’re not really on the side of “good” either. You just play god. And I’m not saying Buffy did that but there was no real exploration of whether that is how she’s ending up even when it was revealed that she was part demon. Made from a demon. Whatever. You know what I mean. Belonging to the dark as much as the light.

And so Wynonna did what Buffy was too afraid to do.

And in the end - for me - it just leaves it all empty.

The Chosen One is a difficult concept to work with. But it’s compelling to watch because it’s difficult.

And I just think ‘Wynonna Earp’ did it better in the end. I think it ended the “right” way that it should.

I think it comes down to the differences in the creators/showrunners. Joss Whedon VS Emily Andras. Whedon took the nihilistic approach because he is nihilistic man. Andras took the realistic approach.

So the point I’m making is nihilism is not realistic. And it’s not realistic because there is meaning in the world. It’s just that you have to be brave enough to make that meaning. To determine that reality for yourself without being the arbiter of everyone else’s fate or destiny. Otherwise you just end up being what did that to you. And in all honesty I just think Joss Whedon gave up. You can say that he was always a monster anyway - and obviously cast confessions have testified to this - but I think it’s more likely that he just turned into one because he stopped believing that heroes are corruptible and villains are redeemable eventually - which is the reality of real people. Real human people. And then you have Emily Andras writing the complete opposite to that. Showing the complete opposite of it. That morally grey is the nature of everything that exists. It is only our choices that define who we are. And we step into the role of either hero or villain depending on which it is we choose to do in the moment. It is never inherently the only way to be. And this same philosophy goes for whether human/mortal or not because conscious beings are still real people.

Good VS evil isn’t a good story to tell if there’s no point to it that is actually relatable to real people. Everybody loves the metaphorical unpinnings of Buffy. There’s been books and thesis after thesis written on the cleverness of the metaphors used to tell the story. The deeper aspects to the teen supernatural concept. And it is clever. Absolutely. I’m not denying that at all. But I just think it fell flat as far as the final season goes because Whedon and Co just seemed to stop caring. And it’s just sad to say that others have done it better precisely because it ended better because they cared.

Maybe Whedon drove himself to nihilism in the end 😔

[drabbles-mc]

Round-Trip Ticket

Steve Murphy x OC Cassandra Oliviera

For Day 12 of @narcosfandomdiscord's July Smut Challenge: lingerie

Warnings: 18+, smut, smoking, alcohol, language, light angst

Word Count: 7.7k

A/N: I woke up and decided to go insane about Steve Murphy in the docs today 😂 I know I wrote this for the smut challenge but this fic really goes go so far beyond that. There are so many feelings in this fic I've lost my entire mind over it. I love them. I already want to write more for them. No one look at me.

Narcos Taglist: @garbinge @winchestershiresauce @sizzlingcloudmentality @panagiasikelia @616wilsons @hauntedforsst @mirabee @buckybarneshairpullingkink @boomclapxox @nessamc @southotheborder @supersanelyromantic @padbrookcottage @mysun-n-stars @raincoffeeandfandoms @justreblogginfics @ashlingnarcos @proceduralpassion @artemiseamoon @narcolini @hausofmamadas @cositapreciosa @purplesong1028 (If you want to be added to any of my taglists, please let me know!)

Steve could hear her the moment that he stepped out of the bathroom after his shower. Cassandra was down the hall, a few rooms away, but her voice and laughter as she talked on the phone still carried down to him anyway. Just as warm and inviting as the water that had just been streaming over his shoulders and down his back.

His towel was tied low on his waist, the clothes he’d taken off beforehand balled up in his hand. It’d been a long day, and he had hardly set down his keys and taken off his shoes before making a beeline for the shower, hoping to scald and steam the exhaustion away. But, as he walked towards the bedroom, the thought crossed his mind that the sound of her voice almost did more to alleviate the tension in his shoulders, and she wasn’t even talking to him.

He stopped in the doorway of their shared bedroom, taking a moment to just soak in the sight of her. She was sitting upright on the bed, her back against the headboard as she held the phone to her ear. She sat on top of the blankets and sheets, one leg stretched out in front of her, the other bent at the knee so she could rest the arm that wasn’t holding up the phone across it. Her hair still had a slight sheen of dampness to it, some of the auburn ends darker because of it.  Her hair was so much longer now, the natural brown coming in at her roots and pushing the dye down to the lower half of her hair.

Steve was so busy looking at her that he didn’t even notice the way that she was also looking at him. She flashed him a smile, and a small wave as she listened to what her friend was saying on the other end of the line. Steve smiled back at her but didn’t say anything, didn’t make any move to separate himself from the doorframe that he was now leaning against.

She had on one of his shirts. It was one of his countless button-downs, a plain white one. The buttons on the sleeve cuffs were undone, and she’d only done two of the buttons in the middle, leaving a deep V open across her chest, the undone buttons at the bottom allowing the hem of the shirt to slide up so that Steve could get a peek of the underwear that she had on—the edges of black lace laying perfectly against her skin.

He couldn’t help but to think about how comfortable she looked. So at home. He didn’t even think that he felt that much at home when it was just him in the house. Not even when he was living there alone before he left for Colombia.

He still remembered meeting her all those years ago. It was what could have potentially been the worst timing in the world. The first time he spoke to her, him and one of his buddies chatting up her and one of her friends over a game of pool, he knew that she was something. She was beautiful, but she was also funny, sharp. Steve watched the way that she leaned against her pool stick, rolling her eyes at the both of them as they tried to smack-talk their way through the game.

The two of them stayed and talked long after their friends had left. They sat at the bar, only getting drinks to nurse so that they still had a reason to sit there and talk to each other. They didn’t leave until the bartender told them that they had to, and even then they lingered outside the door of the bar. She watched as he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and got one for himself. He offered one to her, tilting the pack in her direction, but she declined.

“If you’ve got nowhere better to be,” she started, taking a small step away from the door, “my place is only a couple blocks from here.”

There was a mischievous glint in Steve’s eyes, a flicker of something a little darker than that too, something laced with a little more want than curiosity. He pulled a drag off his cigarette, slowly exhaling as he weighed his options. He wanted to go with her, wanted to spend the last few hours between that moment and sunrise doing anything but sleeping. But he also knew that he was on a countdown. Sure, he could go back with her and let it be a one night stand, let her just be a woman that he was never going to call again. He had the perfect excuse, after all, the one-way ticket to Colombia sitting on his desk at home. A month sounded like a long time but it wasn’t, especially not with this.

“I want to,” he finally said, unable to hide his hesitancy.

She heard the words that he didn’t say, one eyebrow arching as she placed a hand on her hip. “But?”

“I, uh,” he tapped the ashes off the end of his cigarette, “I leave in a month. For…a long fuckin’ time.”

She laughed, stepping in closer. She easily plucked the cigarette from between his fingers, bringing it to her lips and inhaling, only handing it back as the smoke started to curl out from between her lips. Steve noticed the faint hint of lipstick around it, but he didn’t care as he brought it back to his mouth.

“I meant you could come over tonight. Not, you know, I wasn’t inviting you five weeks in advance.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “I was just tryin’ to be up-front with you so—”

“So I don’t accidentally fall hopelessly in love with you after knowing you for a few hours?” she finished the sentence for him, a joking lilt to her tone.

Steve smiled, simultaneously loving and hating the way she made it sound. “Somethin’ like that, I guess, yea.”

She rolled her eyes at him. “I think I’ll be okay.” Reaching out, she caught the tips of his fingers with her own, pulling him in the direction of her apartment. “Come on, before I change my mind.”

As the days and nights proceeded to tick by after that, Steve was caught between enjoying it, and waiting for the other shoe to drop. He was waiting for the day she cut the cord early, telling him that she didn’t want to keep putting time and energy into something that was, definitively, going nowhere. It was only a month. It wasn’t as though he was going to ask her to come with him to Colombia. On top of it being a ridiculous ask for someone he’d only known for a few short weeks, it also wasn’t something that he would’ve even wanted anyway. Whatever they had going on between them was good, but he was aware that it might’ve only been good because there was no pressure on it to be real. All it had to be was enjoyable.

Sometimes, when he would see her rooting through his refrigerator wearing nothing but one of his t-shirts, he’d get the urge to ask, to make sure that they were still okay, still on the same page. He knew that there was no changing what was going to happen at the end of the month, and it seemed like she was okay with it, but it was hard to tell. It was a conversation he’d think about having, but then he would think about how things had been so fun, and good, and simple.

She would come over, see the way more and more of his things were packed up in boxes. She never said anything about it. She would just set their takeout on his kitchen counter and grab two of the very few pieces of silverware that were still in his drawer. She never gave him the impression that she was hurt, or upset about any of it. Didn’t even seem like she was trying to hide the feeling. Steve had been so preoccupied with the worry lingering at the back of his mind that he overlooked one very real possibility, that she was just enjoying the month the same way that he was. Enjoying it while they had it, before it was gone.

It was the day before Steve was supposed to leave for Colombia. Cassandra had been extremely aware of that fact even if neither of them talked about it. There was no need to mention a reality that was present in the way that they did everything together. But because of that, she also didn’t know how she was really going to say goodbye. She planned on going over to see him after work, the way that she did more nights than not these last few weeks. He could be busy, though, or just wanting the night to himself. She didn’t want to just let him go without saying anything though.

He picked up on the second ring. “Hello?”

“Hey, Steve,” she said, lightly tapping her pen on the top of her desk.

He smiled, leaning back against the kitchen counter behind him. “Hey, Cassie.”

“You busy tonight?” She paused for a second. “I know you take off tomorrow—didn’t know if you had plans, or wanted plans.”

He thought about it for a moment. He knew he wanted to see her before he left, but the reality that tomorrow he was about to leave behind everything he’d ever known was hanging heavy on his shoulders. He’d moved around plenty over the years, but moving a few states away was a far cry from going to Colombia for an indeterminate amount of time.

His silence spoke volumes, and Cassandra tried to give him an out. “If you’re not up for it, that’s fine. Just, you know, just wanted to say goodbye and wish you luck.”

“You should come over.”

“Yea?”

He nodded before remembering that she couldn’t see him. “Yea.”

“Great! I’ll see you in, like,” she turned her wrist to look at her watch, “about an hour?”

“I’ll be here.”

A little more than an hour later, Steve heard her knocking at his door. Walking over, he slid the chain and flipped the lock before pulling the door open. She had on a cropped t-shirt and jeans with her boots, an outfit similar to the one she’d been wearing the first night Steve met her, one that he’d seen her in frequently since. Her hair was down, waves falling on both sides of her shoulders. Her motorcycle helmet hung loosely from one hand.

She stepped inside, greeting him with a kiss and a quick hello. When she pulled away, setting her helmet off to the side, she turned back to him and said, “I don’t have to stay long if you—”

“It’s alright,” he cut her off, but kindly.

She smiled, nodding. “Okay.”

The two of them ordered in, eating in the kitchen, Cassandra sitting up on Steve’s counter while he stood and leaned against it next to her. Most of his things were either in the process of being shipped to Colombia, or they were in storage. The house was bare bones, now. Neither of them commented on it.

“What time do you fly out tomorrow?” she asked as he threw their takeout boxes in the garbage.

“Flight leaves at eleven.”

“AM, right?” she said, mostly joking but also genuinely wondering.

He laughed, nodding. “Yea, AM.”

“You ready?” she asked, although maybe the answer didn’t really matter.

He nodded, certainty in his face when it had been lacking for most of the evening. “I am, yea.”

She smiled at him. “That’s good.”

Walking back over, Steve stood between her legs that were still dangling over the edge of his counter. Placing his hands on her hips, he pulled her a little closer to the edge. “You gonna miss me?” he asked, a little bit of humor in his voice even though he was actually very curious to the answer.

She laughed, resting her hands on his shoulders. “I’ll probably miss you a little bit, yea,” she said, her tone as sarcastic as it was warm. She saw the look on his face, and she knew that the conflicting emotions were about much more than whatever they had between them. “Good month though, right?”

His smile turned into a laugh as he nodded, kissing her quickly on the lips before saying, “It was alright, yea.”

She laughed, playfully pushing him away, punishment for turning the sarcasm right back on her. He gripped tighter onto her hips, making sure that she couldn’t push him too far without also making her slip right off the counter.

“You think you’ll come back to Miami afterwards?” she asked. He’d made mention of the fact that he’d bounced around a bit, that his family wasn’t in Florida.

“Why?” His thumb grazed the thin strip of skin that was exposed between her shirt and her jeans. “You gonna pick me up from the airport when I get back?”

“Only if you wanna take the bike,” she responded, laughing because she knew that he had no interest in any of that. Steve made it clear he had a four wheels only policy.

“Hard pass,” he said with a shake of his head. There was a beat before he actually answered her original question. “I don’t know, though. Guess I’ll see what the options are.”

“Makes sense.”

He smirked. “You want me to come back, don’t you?”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re so full of yourself.”

“Am I wrong?”

She shook her head, laughing as she said, “I’m glad that ticket to Colombia is a one-way.”

He laughed at that for a moment too before leaning in to kiss her. He was going to let it be brief, a pause to let them get to the next topic of conversation, but when he went to pull away, Cassandra cupped his face and pulled him back to her. He didn’t put up a fight, melting back into her without hesitation. Her fingers raked up into his hair combing back through it as his lips locked with hers.

He pulled her as close as he could without accidentally pulling her clean off the countertop. Her legs hooked around him, heels pressing lightly into the backs of his thighs trying to urge him to press his hips to hers. She felt his fingertips dig a little harder into her hips as he gave in to what she wanted.

Steve was only able to control himself for so long before he finally lifted her up off the counter. Her yelp of surprise melted down into laughter, which gave way to her putting her lips back to his so she could keep kissing him. She looped her legs around him completely, arms over his shoulders with her hands on the back of his neck as his arms braced against the backs of her thighs. It was a short walk from the kitchen to the bedroom, but it was just long enough for her to toe her boots off, leaving a trail behind the two of them. She could feel the way that Steve smiled into their kiss at that.

The bed was one of the only things that was still fully intact, and that was only because Steve was going to have to sleep on it before he left the next day. It wasn’t as though they needed the extra blankets and pillows for what they were about to do, but it didn’t hurt.

He was careful but still eager as he laid her down on the bed. She kept him pulled close by the collar of his t-shirt, breathless but still kissing him as he positioned himself over her. He reached for the bottom hem of her shirt, starting to push it up slightly, a wordless ask for her to let him take it completely off. She obliged, lifting her shoulders back off the bed so he could easily slip the loose shirt off and toss it aside.

When his gaze fixed back on her again, his eyes grew wide at the sight in front of him. His hands ran up her stomach, reaching the black lace edging of the lingerie that she had been hiding beneath her shirt. The lace was thin, laying perfectly on her body like it’d been made for her, leaving nothing to the imagination. His hand grazed across her breast, able to feel the warmth coming off her skin through the fabric.

“Look at you,” he finally said, the grin curling his lips and the darkness pooling in his eyes saying everything else that his words didn’t.

He wasted no time then, immediately going to undo the button and zipper on her jeans. She lifted her hips off the bed as he yanked them down, sliding them over her ass and down her legs in one smooth motion before dropping them on the floor unceremoniously. He’d forgotten about them before they even left his hand, his focus on the image of Cassandra laid out in her matching set, all for him.

Steve ran his hands up her legs, from her ankles to the juncture where her thighs met her hips. He trailed his fingers over the strips of lace that crossed over her hips and along her waist. Just enough substance to be able to pass as an article of clothing, but barely. Steve wasn’t complaining.

He peppered her stomach and hips with kisses, lips occasionally pressing against the lace. Cassandra was watching him with bated breath, propped up on her elbows. She was biting down on her bottom lip, just enjoying the sight of him like that, so enthralled with her. He slowly made his way back up, leaving a trail of licks and kisses in his wake until his lips latched onto her neck. He pulled the soft skin of her throat between his teeth, sucking a dark mark that would linger long after he touched down in Colombia. She brought her hand to the back of his head, arching into the sensation. The, “Something to remember me by,” went unsaid but she still heard it in his actions.

Steve’s lips rested by her ear, kissing the space just below it as he brought his hand between her legs. He ran his fingers over the strip of fabric that covered her core. She moaned quietly at the contact, already wanting more.

“All this for me?” he asked, his tone smug but she was too wrapped up in it now to even be bothered by it. He could’ve been asking that about the lingerie, could’ve been asking about the wetness already pooling between her legs. It was anyone’s guess, but regardless, the answer was yes.

She reached to grab the bottom of his shirt, wanting more and more of him with every second that passed. He stopped her, though, grabbing her wrists and easily pinning them above her head. She huffed, putting up a small fight against him.

He shifted, holding both her wrists with one hand as he looked down at her, his other hand trailing down the side of her face, down her neck to her chest. “Just let me look at you,” he said, gravel in the low tone he used. His fingertips dragged tantalizingly slow down her stomach until they were pressing over her panties again. He applied a brief moment of pressure, friction as his fingers traced along the thin lace. Each whimper she let out only made him want to drag it out even more. “I like you like this,” he said with a salacious grin on his face.

“Please, Steve,” she begged, the fleeting touch of him not enough.

He kissed her hard on the lips, tightening his hold on her wrists as she tried to slip his grip. “Do all this for me and you don’t want me to take the time to enjoy it?” He kissed her again, tongue sliding to meet hers for another moment that didn’t last long enough before he pulled away. “That doesn’t seem fair.”

She huffed out a breathless laugh. She tried not to get too distracted by his lips on her jaw, tried not to let it knock her off-course. “Know what else doesn’t seem fair?” she asked, a rhetorical question if ever there was one.

He chuckled at that, breath hot against her neck. He kissed the column of her throat as he gently pushed her legs wider. She followed his lead with no resistance, breath hitching at the back of her throat when he started to pull her panties to the side.

His touch was featherlight as he ran his fingers along her folds. She tried to lift her hips into his touch but he didn’t let her get quite close enough. He kissed her, reveling in the way that she pushed hungrily back against him.

“This feel a little more fair, baby?” he asked as he pushed his fingers into her.

She moaned, body trembling at the contact. She only managed a nod in response as he started to pump them in and out of her. She kissed him hard, letting it say everything that she couldn’t with her words. Her heart pounded inside her chest as she lost herself to the rhythm of his movements. He had her figured out, and it took no time for him to get her to come undone from just his lips on her neck and his fingers between her legs.

Bringing his hand up, he slid his fingers into her mouth, letting her taste herself off of them. He couldn’t stop the moan that came from the back of his throat at the sight of her doing it so readily, eyes fluttering shut as her tongue ran over his digits.

“Jesus, Cassandra,” the words were somewhere between a whisper and a moan as he pulled his fingers from her mouth, instantly pressing his lips to hers once he did. “You’re incredible.”

She smiled at that, at the fact that he was already losing his mind and she hadn’t even touched him yet. Looping her legs around him, she pulled him close, pressing and grinding herself against him over his jeans. “Steve,” she murmured against her lips, saying nothing else as she gave a little pull against the hold of his hand that was holding her wrists.

He smiled against her lips, hesitating for a moment before finally letting her arms go. She wasted no time, instantly reaching, grabbing his shirt and pulling it off over his head. She tossed it aside, nails raking down his chest and stomach until she reached the buckle of his belt. She pulled out of their kiss just long enough to see what she was doing, quickly undoing his belt along with the button and zipper of his jeans. He got off the bed, hurriedly discarding his jeans and boxers before climbing right back over to her.

As much as he hated to do it, he reached down and started to pull Cassandra's panties down and off her legs. He left them at the foot of the bed, not tossing them haphazardly like he had everything else. He wrapped his hand around her thigh, was about to pull her leg and hook it over his hip so that he could slide right into her. Before he could accomplish any of that, Cassandra got him onto his back beneath her.

He let out a breathless laugh as he looked up at her. Her hair was falling over her shoulders as she leaned over him, straddling his hips. He ran his hands up her thighs until they settled on her hips. He looked up at her, perfectly dazed. He was about to say something, whether it was going to be sweet or smug Cassandra would never know, because before he got the first syllable out she sank down onto him. Whatever he was going to say was replaced by a string of curses and praise as Steve reveled in the way she felt around him.

Her palms rested flat against his chest as she started to move her hips against him. His grip on her hips tightened, spurring her on. Leaning down, she kissed him hard on the lips before she kissed the spot just below his collarbone. The moan he let out turned into a hiss as she bit down on the sensitive skin there. She sucked a dark mark of her own into his skin. He wasn’t the only one who didn’t plan on being forgotten easily.

The closer Steve got to the edge, the more he held onto her, thrusting up to match her rhythm. Her nails set into his skin, leaving crescents and red trails behind where she dragged them. She watched him, reaching and pushing his hair back out of his face before leaning down to kiss him again. When she went to pull away, he didn’t let her, wrapping his strong arms tightly around her he pinned her to him, kissing her hard on the lips as he thrust harshly up into her, urgency abound as he went tumbling over the edge.

The two of them laid there for a few minutes, neither of them saying anything as they caught their breath. Cassandra didn’t make any move to climb off of Steve, and he didn’t seem to mind, relishing in the ultimate closeness while he still could. His hands lazily traced up and down her back, over her smooth skin and the ridges of the lace.

Lifting her head from his chest so she could look him in the eyes, Cassandra smiled. She carefully wiped the sweat from the side of his head as she said, “Not a bad send-off, right?”

He laughed, shaking his head. “Not bad at all.” Taking a deep breath, he gently grasped her hips and carefully lifted her off of him, rolling them both so that they were laying on their sides before getting off the bed to search for his boxers.

Cassandra flopped back on the mattress, staring up at the ceiling while she waited for her heartrate to return to normal. “Grab mine too?”

He chuckled, swiping her lace panties off the foot of the bed. He situated himself next to her on the mattress, dangling them in front of her. “You mean I don’t get to keep these?” he joked.

She laughed, snatching them out of his hand and shimmying into them as she said, “Only if you’re gonna wear them in Colombia.”

He rolled his eyes as he slung his arm over her, pulling her against his chest as he laughed out a soft, “Fuck you,” that had no malice behind it at all.

The two of them eventually got themselves situated under the covers. They laid facing each other, noses nearly touching as Steve’s hand rested on her hip and Cassandra's rested against his chest. Each of them felt like they should say something, but then again they both went into this knowing that they were going to keep it so that there wasn’t that type of pressure there.

Still, Steve couldn’t quite help himself. He wasn’t in love with her, and he knew that she wasn’t in love with him either. There was still the nagging thought in the back of his head, though, that if circumstances had been different maybe they could’ve loved each other.

“Cassie?”

She pulled away so she could get a better look at him. “Mhm?”

“Thank you. For the last month.”

Her smile was warm as she nodded. “We had fun, huh?”

He chuckled. “Yea, I think so.” He paused for a moment before pulling her in close, murmuring a soft, “C'mere,” as he tucked her head beneath his chin. He felt the way that she melted into him, and it wasn’t long after that until he heard her breathing shift, the steadiness she had when she was asleep. He closed his eyes and tried to follow suit.

When he woke up in the morning, his arms and the bed were both empty. He blinked a couple times to try and get his bearings. He didn’t think that Cassandra would just take off without saying goodbye, but maybe she thought last night was their goodbye. Maybe she wasn’t good at goodbyes. A million other maybe’s went through his head, and then she appeared in the doorway. She was just in her shirt and panties, hair frizzy from sleep. Steve couldn’t help the sense of relief.

He watched as she grabbed her jeans off the floor and stepped into them. He saw the lace peeking out over the waistband of them, and his mind instantly went back to the night before. She walked over and sat on the edge of his side of the bed. Reaching, she ran her fingers back through his hair, every bit as messy as hers.

“Be safe down there, okay?”

A small smile curled the ends of his lips. “How dangerous could—”

She cut him off with a kiss. “Don’t jinx it before you’re even on the plane,” she said with a soft laugh.

Steve chuckled as he cupped her face, the pad of his thumb grazing along her bottom lip. “Alright.”

She kissed him again. “If you come back to Miami when it’s all over, maybe I’ll see you.”

He nodded, liking the thought although it was hard to picture being back when he hadn’t even left yet. “Maybe.”

She kissed him again, hard and lingering to make up for all the rest of it. “Take care, Steve.”

“You too, Cassie.”

He watched her walk out of the room, listened to the sound of her striding through the house. He let out a deep breath when he heard the door shut behind her, only to be followed by the sound of her motorcycle a few moments later. Running his hands down his face, he tried to mentally prepare for the chapter that he was now in. A fresh page started once the sound of her bike had completely faded into the distance.

The days in Colombia had seemed endless when he was in them. Each year feeling like a decade. He was so deep in it, that it didn’t take long for Cassandra to fade from his mind. He couldn’t even wonder if she still thought about him because he was too busy thinking about everything else. By the time it was all over and he got to leave, he found himself going back to Miami, not because of any particular reason, but because he couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. Everything, including him, felt so different now after all that had happened.

When he got back, he knew that Miami was more or less the same. Some things changed, but anything would when that much time had gone by. But it was more the same than not. He had changed more than the city had, more than his house. It took a couple weeks before he even tried to go out and live some semblance of a normal life. He’d holed himself up inside, acutely aware that he was wasting his leave.

Finally one night he decided fuck it, he was going to pick a random bar, go have one beer, and if it was that awful of a time he would come back home. It was a simple plan. No way the fallout could be that bad.

He was nearing the end of his second beer. It hadn’t been as bad as he pictured it in his mind, but he was still already prepared to call it a night and go home. He was about to flag down the bartender to square up his bill, when he could’ve sworn he heard a familiar voice.

It all came rushing back as he looked around the bar for her. It would be a long shot. So many years had gone by, and who was to say that she hadn’t moved, hadn’t gone and settled down with someone else while he was chasing drug lords through the jungle.

But then he saw her, a few stools away. Her hair was pulled up into a bun on top of her head and it almost made him fail to recognize her. But then she laughed, shaking her head as she jokingly told one of her friends to shut the fuck up, and Steve nearly found himself falling out of his seat.

“Cassie?” he blurted out, not thinking it through at all.

She turned to look at him, confusion and annoyance on her face as well as the faces of her friends. Her tone was harsher than usual, the type of tone meant to keep strangers at arm's length. “Sorry, do I—” she stopped herself short when she saw who it was that said her name. Her eyes went wide and she smiled, immediately leaving her seat to walk over to him. She threw her arms around his neck in a hug, pressing her face into the crook of his neck for a moment, not caring about the heat and sweat of the bar. “Oh my god,” she said with a laugh, finally pulling back to look at him. “Holy shit.”

There was a smile on Steve’s face as he looked at her, but it didn’t reach his eyes. It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy to see her, but it was hard to feel things the way he used to when he wasn’t the same man he used to be.

Still, he looked her up and down with the most genuine smile he had. “You look great.”

She chuckled softly, wanting so badly to caress the side of his face but not knowing if she was allowed that anymore. “You’re back in Miami.”

He laughed, only a small trace of mirth in it. “I am, yea.”

She looked at him curiously. “For good?”

He shrugged. “Don’t know yet. Still…still figuring it out.”

Cassandra tried not to be obvious about the way she was studying him, taking note of all the things that had changed. She could only imagine. “When did you get back?”

“Couple weeks ago.”

“That’s good,” she said with a nod. She glanced around. “You here with someone?”

He shook his head. “No. Was actually just about to head out.”

“You got plans?” she asked, as curious as she was hopeful.

He nodded towards her friends. “Looks like you do.”

She shook her head. “They’ll understand.”

“Cassie—”

“Steve,” she stopped the argument before he could start it, “come on. What,” she laughed, “what are the chances?”

He smiled at that, unable to refute it. He also remembered enough to know that she wasn’t one he was good at winning an argument against. “Alright, alright.” He tossed his money onto the bar. “Remember how to get to my place?”

She laughed and shook her head. “How about I just follow you?”

He nodded. “That works.”

He waited for her to go and say goodbye to her friends and then the two of them made their way out of the bar. They walked side-by-side into the parking lot, and Steve started laughing as she pulled her keys from her pocket. He instantly clocked her motorcycle parked only a couple spots from his car.

“Still got the death trap?”

She laughed and shook her head. “You’ve been chasing drug dealers across Colombia—you don’t get to call anything I do dangerous.”

He was halfway through a snarky comment when she leaned in and kissed him on the lips. He froze for a second, but he didn’t pull away. She apologized as she toyed with the keys to her bike. “Sorry, I just…it’s so good to see you.”

He nodded. “It’s good to see you too.”

He could see the apprehension still lingering on her face, so he kissed her again. It was soft, almost calculated in a way. His lips moved gently against hers as she finally brought her hand up to cradle the side of his face. His whole body relaxed at her touch—it was the most normal he’d felt in years.

When he pulled away, he saw the smile lingering on Cassandra’s face, the nerves completely gone at least for the time being. He cleared his throat, getting his own keys out. “Follow me, then?”

She laughed softly, nodding. “Yea, I’ll follow you.”

When they rolled into Steve’s driveway, everything started flooding back in snapshots in Cassandra’s mind, and Steve’s too. Some memories were clearer than others, but there was definitely a shift in the air as they walked up the driveway.

Once they were inside, Steve grabbed them each a beer. He didn’t need it, really, but it was something to do with his hands. He watched as Cassandra looked around the house. He doubted she really remembered all that much about what it looked like before, but she was certainly taking it all in now.

She made her way back to the kitchen, finding her place beside him as they both leaned casually back against the edge of the counter. She was close enough for the outside of her arm to brush against his. She tapped the side of her boot against his shoe, the action getting him to look over at her instead of at the beer bottle in his hands.

“I don’t even know where to start,” she told him honestly, a nervous laugh tumbling from her lips.

He chuckled, nodding. “I know the feeling.”

She wanted to ask about all of it. She wanted to hear every detail that he would be willing to give her about what he’d been up to in the years since they last saw each other. There had been nothing but radio silence between them and she so badly wanted to know what life had been like for him in the meantime. She knew that it wasn’t easy, and she could tell by the weary look that still lingered around his eyes that some of Colombia came home with him. How could it not?

They meant to catch up. Steve meant to be good as ask her how she’d been, ask her what was new. She seemed like the type of person to always keep herself busy, and he was sure that that didn’t change when he left. He genuinely wondered what she’d been up to. He was planning on asking her about it but somehow the two of them never got around to it.

It was just too easy to fall into the old song and dance that the two of them knew so well. There would be time for talking in the morning, they both reasoned. It was late, and her fingertips kept brushing against his, and he kept thinking about how good it felt to kiss her, thought about how long it’d been since he’d kissed anyone like that and felt like it meant something. Some things about her might have changed but she was still just as funny and smart, just as beautiful as the day he’d left. And it felt so much better to think about her standing next to him now instead of the hell he’d been through in Colombia.

So they talked, but the conversation didn’t last long. Steve couldn’t stop letting his eyes flicker down to her lips, and Cassandra couldn’t keep pretending that she didn’t notice. So she kissed him, gave him the out of the conversation that neither of them knew how to have just yet. And for all his doubts and uncertainty about what to tell her, how to tell her any of it, the second his hands fell to her hips suddenly there wasn’t any more room left to second guess himself.

It was familiar, but it was different, the way that he held her and touched her and kissed her. The urgency was different now. The carefree nature of it all that they’d had before he left was gone, something much more mature, needier, in its place. Cassandra felt the way his lips grazed across her skin, the undertone of desperation in his movements that didn’t use to be there. But she took it all, not shying away from it. She kissed him with renewed purpose, fingers combing their way through his hair, holding him as close to her as she possibly could.

She stayed even after they were done. Steve gave her something of his to sleep in and she took it gladly. They fell asleep with her back pressed to Steve’s chest, his arms wrapped around her and their legs tangled up. She didn’t comment on how much more tightly he held her now than he did before, like he was afraid that she was one more thing that was going to slip away or get taken right out of his hands. She didn’t mention the tension in his muscles, tension she tried to ease as she ran her fingers up and down his arms.

When Steve woke up in the morning, it wasn’t to an empty bed. He couldn’t remember the last time that had happened. His eyes opened and the first thing he saw was Cassandra, mouth open just slightly in her sleep, her hair everywhere. Even in her sleep she had one arm draped across his stomach, and he couldn’t help but to thread his fingers with hers.

That one morning of not waking up alone was the start of the next chapter, and in the moment Steve didn’t even realize it. That first morning was all soft whispers and gentle touches, the first scratch against the surface of all the conversations that they’d missed, the ones that they needed to have if they were going to stay in each other’s lives. At that moment, though, Steve hadn’t realized that this time she was going to stay, that he was going to try his hardest to let her.

The weeks that turned into months that followed weren’t always easy, but they weren’t hard in the way that the years apart had been. There were nightmares and tears and arguments, deep sighs and ‘please talk to me’s’. But at the end of it, when the tears were dried, when the nightmares were over, it was still the two of them. It was Cassandra there with her hands on Steve’s face, telling him that they were going to figure it out. It was Steve with one hand threaded in her hair, the other on her back as he pulled her close and promised that he wasn’t going anywhere. No matter how tumultuous it got, it always evened out in the end. The storms receded, the waters calmed.

As time went on, the storms came less and less. The waves were manageable. They’d still argue, because Steve was still Steve and Cassandra still huffed and rolled her eyes in moments when it was less than productive. There were still nightmares sometimes, because no matter how much Steve loved his life in Miami, it didn’t erase what he had been through in Colombia. But it was all manageable, traversable in a way that at first they weren’t sure if it would be.

And now here the were. Cassandra had moved in, claimed one side of the driveway for her motorcycle in the process because no matter what Steve said she wasn’t ever going to sell it and give it up. The house felt like home for the first time in a long time once she’d unpacked all of her things. Steve used his camera now for softer things, framed photos of the two of them scattered around the house. And even though she had her own dresser and half the closet space in the place, there she was on the bed, camped out in one of his button-downs instead.

When Cassandra looked back up and saw that Steve was still standing in the doorway, she cut her phone conversation short with a goodbye and a promise to call tomorrow. Once she set the phone off to the side, she tilted her head as she looked at Steve, curiosity all over her face.

“You okay?” she asked, an overtone of concern in her voice even though she was giving him a smile.

He nodded, finally getting himself to step into the room. He had no idea how long he’d been standing there, thinking about everything. It must’ve been longer than he thought, hence the worry in her voice.

“I’m good,” he reassured her with a nod as he tossed his dirty clothes into the hamper. He meant it, too. He felt immeasurably better now than he had when he’d gotten home.

He dug a pair of shorts out of his dresser and put those on, hanging the towel up to dry. He walked over until he was on Cassandra’s side of the bed, sitting on the edge of it so he could rest his hand against her leg, thumb caressing her exposed thigh.

His eyes raked over her, unable to feel anything but the warmth that was spreading through his chest at the sight of her. “Look at you,” he said, the smile on his face reaching his eyes.

Cassandra laughed and shook her head at him like he was being ridiculous, but she could feel the heat creeping up her neck and into her face. Reaching, she tangled her hand into his. “What had you so deep in thought over there?” she asked, nodding towards the doorway.

“You,” he answered easily.

Her eyes widened for a moment. “Me?”

Leaning in, he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “Yea, you.” He kissed her again. “I love you.”

She hummed in approval. “I love you too.” She paused. “That what you were thinking over there?”

He nodded. “Pretty much.”

She chuckled softly. “I guess I’ll allow that.”

He toyed with the buttoned cuffs of the sleeves. “Looks good on you.”

She smiled. “You don’t make ‘em look too bad either.”

He laughed and shook his head before climbing up onto the bed with her. It was far from time to sleep—neither of them had even had dinner yet. But he couldn’t fight the urge to settle in next to her and pull her close. She gave into him easily, leaning the side of her face against his chest and draping her arm over his stomach as he looped one around her back to keep her tucked into his side. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and was rewarded with her pulling herself tighter against him.

[anony-man]

Writing here and there, but I’ve got some fun zombie stuff to present. @rust-bearer you might like this one. Long story short, a cow goes missing and nobody really cares. Well, that is until Vortex’s horse goes missing, too (her name’s Slim Shady :3). Very very short, sort of a what-if plaything, open to potential future edits and additions and what not. Ehhh, enjoy.

“We’re missing a cow.”

The morning had been rather uneventful prior to that statement. First Aid paused midway through another bite of his grossly under-seasoned eggs to stare up at Brawl, who stared at Onslaught. Seemingly unbothered by the statement, Onslaught merely grunted in response before flipping to the next page of his newspaper.

“You hear me?” Brawl said, kicking off his shoes and leaving thick globs of dirt and mud in his wake as he walked over to stand in front of Onslaught. “We’re missing a cow.”

“Unlikely,” Onslaught said. He hardly even looked up from the paper, his eyebrows furrowed and mouth stretched in a grimace.

“I’m not stupid, Onslaught,” Brawl said, this time reaching down to snatch the paper from Onslaught’s hands. He tossed it aside before crossing his arms over his chest and huffing, his eyes narrowed in an attempt at seeming intimidating.

It was a bit of a challenge, given the tight, wrinkled flannel that clung to his frame and the scruffy layer of beard hair that covered over half his face. Despite his otherwise approachable appearance, however, Brawl’s general aura of disapproval (mostly due to him literally forcing Onslaught to pay attention) demanded Onslaught’s interest.

“Brawl,” Onslaught huffed, “they’re *animals*. They do as they please. The property’s fenced in, so if one of our milkers decided to go for a little adventure, it’s not the end of the world.”

“You say that now,” Brawl said, already turning to leave. “But what happens when this shit comes up again? If those walking carcasses over yonder somehow figured out a way in—“

“Hey,” Onslaught snapped. “We’ve got company present, remember?”

Brawl, still grumbling to himself as he slipped his boots back on, paused. He glanced up at First Aid, who tried to make it seem as though he hadn’t stopped eating just to listen to the entire exchange.

“Oh,” he said, sheepish and sullen. “Sorry, doc.”

“No harm done,” First Aid assured him.

Happy to go back to eating, as it was the only thing keeping him from accidentally getting involved any further, First Aid quickly finished his plate. He took brief glances in Onslaught’s direction every so often, curious to see if Brawl’s impromptu statement had actually seemed to bother him. From what he could tell, Onslaught didn’t seem any less worried than he had been before—and he hadn’t even been worried before.

There was plenty to do that morning, and while First Aid almost wished he could spare the time to help Brawl sort his dilemma (if only for his own curiosity), his schedule was nearly full already. Hoping not to disturb Onslaught, First Aid moved quietly and began working to clean the aftermath of that morning’s breakfast. As he scrubbed at a few plates, he stared out of the kitchen window, watching as Brawl trudged back towards the barn.

Missing an entire cow… weird.

* *

By that evening, First Aid had all but put the whole “missing cow” thing in the back of his mind. He himself often worried about the possibility of something or someone making it over the fence and past the safe guards the Combaticon family had put into place, but he had to admit, the likelihood of an *entire animal* going missing overnight without any trace seemed unlikely. Nevertheless, Brawl was in and out of the house all morning, then all afternoon, muttering to himself about the numbers of remaining livestock and occasionally cursing Onslaught when the eldest wasn’t around.

By dinner, things had seemed to settle. At least, that’s what First Aid had originally assumed. He had been in the middle of carefully spooning hot broth into each of his young kids’ bowls when the front door burst open, revealing a frazzled Swindle on the other side. Given his tendency to “lose his shit over the small stuff,” as Blast Off once described it, First Aid tried to ignore it at first. That was until Swindle, too, brought up the exact issue Brawl had been trying to discuss earlier that morning.

“Where’s number 206?” He demanded, eyes wide and hair sticking up in all different directions as though he’d been pulling at the ends in his desperation. “Every chicken, every goat, even the goddamn *horse* is accounted for, but we’re missing a *cow*.”

From the far end of the table, Onslaught sighed. It was a long, heavy sound accompanied by the drop of his spoon into his bowl and his fingers rubbing at the bridge of his nose. Before First Aid could intervene, Brawl cut in, all anger and little calm.

“You believe me now? Huh?” He snapped, banging a fist against the table. “I tried to warn you, those zombies are getting smarter, Onslaught. You think I was joking?”

“Oh my *god*,” Vortex groaned from the couch, “not this shit again. They’re *animals*, dumbass! They do whatever they want.”

“I don’t suppose you think getting gobbled up by some rot monster counts, do ya?”

“Both of you shut up!” Swindle said, having already tossed off his shoes (neatly, and on the mat by the door, which First Aid appreciated) and stormed over to join the table. “Shut up and listen for just a few seconds, will you? This is a serious matter, and—“

“That’s *enough*!”

All at once, the three bickering Combaticons fell silent. Onslaught waited a few moments before he continued, taking time to study each expression with an intimidating glare. After taking a deep breath, he spoke.

“That’s enough,” he repeated, quieter this time. “It’s getting late. I’ll check the barn for myself first thing in the morning, but until then, I want to hear nothing more about missing cows or other ridiculous speculations. Understood?”

Silent nods were all he received, and with a satisfied huff, Onslaught returned to his meal. First Aid was more than happy to do the same, having been left more than a little unsettled by the altercation. As he went back to carefully filling bowls of soup for each of the children (thank god the younger ones were asleep, he thought; they didn’t need to be present for that awkward conversation), Vortex hopped over the back of the couch and took the seat next to First Aid’s plate.

“Missing cow or no, who the hell cares?” He said, reaching for an empty bowl. “I think we can all agree that as long as Slim Shady doesn’t disappear on us, everything will be *just* fine.”

* *

“Slim Shady’s missing.”

The room was still dark when First Aid finally managed to open his eyes, and at first, he almost mistook Vortex’s looming form for some sort of lucid dream. He stifled a yawn and rubbed at his eyes, blinking slowly to rid himself of the drowsiness from having woken up in the middle of a sleep cycle.

“Wh… huh?” He rasped.

“Slim Shady is *missing*,” Vortex hissed, having reached out to give First Aid’s shoulder a firm shake. “I need you to help me go find her.”

“What are you—Vortex, it’s…” First Aid squinted at the clock to his right, the ticking hands nothing more than a blur in his sleepy state.

“A little after three,” Vortex said, “I know. But she’s missing, Aid. We gotta go find her.”

“Now?” He asked, making a final attempt at avoiding walking out into the cold night air in favor of staying in his sleeping back. “You mean, like… right now?”

“Right now,” Vortex nodded.

First Aid hardly had a chance to let the information fully sink in before he was being tugged to his feet and stumbling down the hall. God, he couldn’t imagine what kind of mess it would be out in the town at this hour… not that he had much of a choice in the matter. Maybe, if he was lucky, they’d figure out where the other cow had wandered off to while they were out. Maybe, if things went their way, they wouldn’t be searching for more than an hour.

Maybe…. Likely not, but maybe.

[annekewrites]

"You're doing great! You're a real trooper!"

TMI medical/dental/etc. stuff and things that were traumatic for me adjacent to that beyond cut, jsyk.

Okay. So what you need to know for background sake is that I have not had ANY non-urgent/emergency medical anything done since...considerably before covid started, for Reasons that look like this, as I think of them:

Phone anxiety from hell - I can override it for work or in a real emergency but it's one of the worst mental spoon drains. Probably related to the days when phone calls not from family or my very closest friends were 90% bill collectors and 9% other stuff I really didn't want to deal with.

Fear of committing to an appointment, not being able to keep it for whatever reason, and then getting dropped by the practice - this happened to me once with the only endodontist who would take my insurance without, like, a six-month wait.

Multiple awful experiences taking kids to appointments and them not getting appropriate care, including but not limited to the time my son's former primary care doc wanted to prescribe estrogen-containing birth control pills to deal with menstrual dysphoria, the time we got kicked out of the ER with my daughter, and the time the other ER threatened to call CPS on us because we were supposedly letting our preteen kids drink hard liquor and watch porn (NO????????) instead of dealing with the reason we were there.

Multiple awful experiences my husband has had, including the time he had a hypertensive crisis but as soon as they heard he was on psych meds they assumed he was also using illegal drugs and possibly committing DV (no???), the time the "Wellness Management Clinic" told him to crash diet AND divorce me if I refused to crash diet with him, and the time the primary care doc's record office confused the Vicodin he got with his wisdom teeth extraction with an ongoing daily prescription.

The horrible unethical therapist I had 15ish years ago, yikes.

I'm a fat woman with adult-diagnosed ADHD, and my last primary care doc was all "you don't really need Strattera because your ADHD isn't that bad, you got to this appointment on time just fine!" (CLEARLY this woman had never heard of Appointment Mode. Sigh.)

Thanks to the above, I'm afraid of being seen as "doctor-shopping" or drug-seeking, as well as just getting yelled at for being fat and not having been to the doctor in way too long.

So yeah. I get my shots, I go to urgent care when something obvious needs urgent care (possible strep, the stress fractured foot earlier this year), but I haven't had regular anything done in way too long.

I figured the first step in dealing with this was to get back in therapy. So I found a practice that would book new patients online, and there I selected a therapist who is queer and a parent, because (as I said to them) "there's a whole lot I just won't have to explain!" And I wrote on my intake form that one of the big things I wanted to work on was my medical anxiety, because it is actively causing Problems.

Next, while bringing my son to get dental work done and noticing that he seemed very comfortable with that practice, I decided "since I'm in the waiting room anyway, let's get me in and get this party started, I know there is a mess in my mouth." And I've had the botched-root-canal tooth pulled, which was apparently a challenged, and half of my mouth has had the periodontal deep clean with the other half to be done in two weeks, plus a couple of fillings and prep and temp crowns for a bridge to fill in where a tooth was pulled before.

And the whole time I keep hearing that I'm doing great! And that's helping so so much tbh when I expect to just be yelled at and treated with scorn and that's...not what is happening. It makes me feel like maybe I can go to the actual doctor and have it not be awful, too?

I'm trying.

[soclonely]

Now I’m curious. What are your current hyperfixations if you don’t mind sharing? If not totally ok!!

OHHHH boy so right now, I have them compartmentalized into various categories and its so fun to talk about.

> my gratitude journal and penny savings. i am doing this challenge to sort of wake up my brain and write down some positive stuff and its so fun and actually addicting. ALSO doing a penny challenge that started up on January first where you put a penny in your savings/piggy bank jar each day. So for example: Jan 1st (1 penny) January 2nd (add 2 pennies), January 3rd (add 3 pennies), etc, etc and at the end of the year you will have saved up $667.95. Its not much, but its fun and I can get myself a lil something nice on new years next year. I like me some goals and I am hoping the stamina isn't only because its a new year

> January no spend challenge. I am single, make a decent amount of money a month, and don't NEED to do this. But I have cut all spending out for the month minus groceries and any emergency expenses. I am biking to work when I need to actually go in, and I have been doing fun things at home and have a few "nights in" planned with friends in the next two weeks and for the first time in awhile I am actually excited for social interaction because lets be honest, going out is exhausting.

> The color Iris. Its so beautiful and pleasing to my eyes right now

>MEAL PREP CONTAINERS AND MEAL PREPPING. I have a bunch of new reusable ziploc bags, these nifty hook things that hold the bags, lunch containers, and recipe books and honestly love just having the challenge of making things for the week in one afternoon session

>Various obscure animes. Currently its Yu Yu Hakusho, The GetBackers, Beyblade, and Naruto. Its been a whirlwind of old anime and I might be able to get out of it soon but very doubtful because I have been pumping out OCs and stories for it in my docs that I can't get over

>The history of Monopoly pieces

>Crafting, specifically centerpiece making. I made an amazing one for the Fall and want to make one for winter and spring now that the holidays are over.

> Criminal minds. I finally decided to watch it and I am binging it so hard. S8 E12 right now and thats not looking to stop anytime soon.

> Vacation planning. This is the furthest west I have ever lived as an adult, and I am planning on taking multiple single person trips over the next 4 years. i am an avid backpacker/hiker and my dad and I want to do a few big ones. Not to mention a few self indulgent trips to places because I honestly deserve that. My pinterest boards are full of ideas and tips

>Cleaning and organizing. I have been watching too much Marie Kondo and as I unpack I have been donating clothes, household items, and other things I just didn't need anymore.

> Furniture building. I am pretty good with my hands and built a shelf recently and now I am looking at blueprints for a custom laundry basket holder I desperately need.

>Star Wars, a given.

>Listening to various police scanners as background noise. There was a guy riding a bicycle naked down a street in my grandpas hometown recently and that just made my day

>Welsh on Duolingo. I have done so much with it in the last week alone >The Same 3 songs on repeat: Du Hast by Rammstein , Leila by Jah Khalib, and Popular from Wicked

> Create an app like "sick weather" but it pulls and partners with doctors offices, schools, and local agencies to map out "symptom sicknesses" and not just like flu and covid and stuff. >Shoes. My god I fucking love shoes right now. Cleaning them, wearing them, organizing them. Help.

>Making furniture out of broken hocket sticks and deciding what to make. I have literally 26 broken sticks in my garage and I need to do something with them. I have gone back and forth for days and currently trying to decide if I want to make a bench or beach chair. that went to me digging deeper into the weight capacity of a chair and the flex of each hockey stick and a bunch of physics and engineering equations.

> U-2 planes. I work with these now and they are so funky. I dive head deep into articles and essays and reports

> Making lists. I have a list for everything right now

>Labeling stuff. I have been throuwing a label on everything in sight and at this point its just instinct

> Fancy beer cans. I have a mini fridge, a bottom fridge shelf, and a whole counter top full of different beer cans right now and I want one from each four pack to add to my empty can collection because I love the art.

[letstrywritingmaybe]

On the agenda for today: send out love letters cause I owe comments, irl stuff (I really need to do laundry…), read my library book, listen to the new twenty one pilots album cause I’ve been slacking, watch hockey (fuck the rangers all my homies hate the rangers. But also why is Krieder not the captain??? That man bleeds Rangers blue!), I’ve already replied to comments and wrote the next chapter of the fake dating fic so I guess any other writing will be considered a bonus to me… oh wait, I should work on CoAi week. Damn it. Okay yeah I’m not getting everything I want done today. My main priority should be CoAi week but realistically I need more fluff in my life

Update: love letters sent <3 hockey watched *sigh fuck the rangers but Wennberg is a cutie. Started my book and laundry! Now onto baseball and finishing irl things and maybe some writing. Idk I’m not really feeling any pull but we’ll see. I’m reading Rebecca, I think Tay read it? I think I saw a tumblr post about how she did or maybe it was in the long pond doc? Idk but yeah already I’m like girlie this is not it. You deserve a nice romance, you’re so young, I don’t mind age gaps but she hasn’t seen the world and gotten to experience so many things and to just settle down like this? And yeah he didn’t even say he loves you! What are you doing!! Omm I’m reading and filling myself with dread over this poor girl. I’ve only just begun and already I’m like you deserve better. I think I’m projecting my feelings for my queen onto her even though I don’t think Shiho is anything like her. Idk I’m feeling like I need to write now, but what idk, I just need to escape and I suppose that’s fitting given the book I’m reading

Update 2: Not to be annoying, (I always am) but I had some banger ideas with my year of the otp prompts. Like I would read most of these as actual fics. Which I mean I’m self indulgent so duh but damn. Since idk what to write I was hoping by I could expand on one of those verse but it’s not what I want to write. I’m feeling sorta royal verse vibes but more so in the arranged marriage scene? But not for shinshi like they’re betrothed to others but they meet and a whirlwind romance ensues and fuck it lets get married and deal with the fallout later. Yeah that’s what I’m feeling right now. Like two rebellious kids who are sick of being responsible, who cares about consequences and scandals? They know what they feel now and they’re going to go after it even though every one tells them it’s a mistake and when reality hits it does feel like it’s a mistake but then… they’re alone and all the doubts disappear

Update 3: I’ve gotten zero writing done but I went back through the year of the otp prompts and my American football AU still gets me!!! That is the absolute most self indulgent thing I’ve ever written and I love it! Literally I know no one else gives one single fuck but I love that verse! It is so me coded, rereading it I was like Omm yes football!! Dude I kinda miss when I had month projects like that cause they were so soft but also some were super challenging cause I don’t vibe with certain ideas. Like the shift shaper one? But that one was so freaking soft and they were so hopeless for each other. The bond between the moms and shinshi too like I can’t. More fics that mention familial relationships too please! But for real how did I manage to do that? I sometimes wonder how I can turn any situation into fluff? And maybe that’s why I made things super difficult with the fake dating verse. But also I didn’t do my usual here’s a massive dump of fluff to make up for the angst…. Maybe I should write an extra? I mean I thought about writing their rated moments as an extra already but I think we need to see their soft moments too. Idk. I hate when I feel like I kinda wanna write but then I also don’t? It’s very annoying

[oomisluvr]

ALL THE NIGHTS WE USED TO LOVE (HOW IT USED TO WAS)

synopsis: every relationship is bound to have arguments. it doesn't mean you love each other any less. angst. hurt/comfort. swearing.

Song: Childs Play (feat. Chance the Rapper) - SZA

“You’re neglecting your responsibilities as a girlfriend.”

You slide your bluelight glasses from your face, pinching the bridge of your nose to smooth out the indents you’re sure they’ve left behind. 

“Responsibilities?” You squint up at him from your place on the couch, eyes stinging from working on an essay the past four hours, “Like what? Cuddling? Back massages? A fucking handjob?

“Precisely all three of those things.” Though his height and overall demeanor allows him to loom over you, the facemask smoothed to his skin makes him look less than threatening, “Come to bed. It’s late.”

“Kiyoomi, it's barely eleven-o-clock.”

“Exactly,” He seethes, the facemask flopping a bit around his mouth, “I’m supposed to be in bed and asleep by ten-thirty!”

“Then get in the bed and go to sleep.” You snort, brushing him off and redirecting your attention to the unfinished google doc on your laptop. It sounds harsher than you intend, but you don’t have the emotional capacity to babysit his emotions right now. “I’ll be there in a bit.”

“You’ve been saying that for the past two hours.”

“And I already said sorry, alright?” You sigh, “Everything is just… a lot right now. Can you please just give me tonight to get this done?”

“No.” Something snaps in Kiyoomi, something ugly and childish stirring in his core. He reaches to shut your laptop closed, your fingers just barely making it out before being smushed. 

Furious, you turn to him, “What the fuck!”

“I’m trying to have a conversation with you and you won’t even look at me.”

“What conversation? I already told you,” You fume, “What part of ‘I’m working’ don’t you understand?”

“You’re always working, though.” he spits, looming over you, “It’s like you’re not even here anymore!” 

“I don’t complain when your job makes you disappear for months at a time,” you say, “I shut the fuck up and support you like a normal girlfriend does. Why can’t you do the same for me?”

“Watch it.” he damn near growls, and something about his tone has you standing to your feet to look him in his face.

“Or what, Kiyoomi?” you challenge, “Or fucking what? Are you threatening me now?” 

“I fucking miss you!” He explodes, “Is that so bad? Is it so evil to want to spend time with my partner?”

“You think I want to do this shit? I don't! I get treated like a doormat every single day, Kiyoomi!” You’re screaming, hot emotions overwhelming you and bubbling out, “But I do it because I’m building a career for myself, a future!”

Kiyoomi goes as still as a statue, studying your expression with a cold calculation you’ve only ever seen him use on the court. Finally, he asks, “And what about us? Our future? Does that matter at all to you?” 

“Are you kidding me? Is that a fucking joke?” You humorously laugh, “Are you giving me an ultimatum right now?”

He opens mouth to speak, but you raise your hand with alarming ease, dismissing him. 

“Actually, save it.” You decide, marching to the coat rack by the door, “I don’t need this right now. I have a fucking paper to write.”

It’s only when you grab your purse does Kiyoomi understand your intention to leave.

“Y/N, please. I’m asking if this even matters to you.” His voice cracks when he speaks, watching you toss on a heavy coat, “Because it feels like I’m more invested than you sometimes.”

“That is not fair.” You whisper, hand frozen on the door handle, “That’s bullshit. After all the shit we’ve gone through? Hell, after all the shit you’ve put me through, you don’t get to stand there and say I don’t care.”

“Can you stop putting words in my mouth?” he says, “Fuck, I’m not saying that’s what’s happening, I’m saying that’s how I feel.” 

You’re breathing hard, like you just ran a marathon. When you don’t respond, he continues, throwing himself down on the couch cushions.

“I feel like I’m… losing you; like you’re slipping through my fingers and there’s nothing I can do but watch. When was the last time we went on a fucking date? When was the last time we had a normal conversation without it blowing up like this?” He sighs, and you see the exhaustion in his eyes. You’re both tired. 

“I just…” He trails off, the last of his anger fizzling into something raw and vulnerable, “I just miss you. That’s it. I miss you, Y/N. All I wanted was to fall asleep next to you. I didn’t mean to blow up on you. I’m sorry.”

His honestly stings worse than if he would have just let the argument escalate. Communication used to be such a struggle for the two of you, and sometimes those old habits come back. You’re both in the wrong, and the realization feels like a slap in the face. The words you used, your tone, your volume–that’s not how you speak to people you love. 

And you do love Kiyoomi, despite everything.

“Don’t apologize when I’m the one who should be sorry.” You whisper, shrugging off your coat and hanging up your purse. You approach him on the sofa, shame heavy in your heart, “You were only trying to look out for me. It wasn’t fair of me to go off on you. You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry, Kiyoomi.”

“Are we…” He starts, staring at you with bloodshot eyes. He looks scared. Vulnerable. You wonder how many people had abandoned his younger self, what buried emotions you unearthed, “Are we going to be okay?”

The question hangs in the air, unanswered. Relationships were so much fucking work. They were exhausting, and took a real effort to keep both parties happy.

But they’re worth it. Kiyoomi was worth it.

He’s been there for you, and you for him. He’s seen all your good and all your bad, and still loves you the same. The two of you have struggled hard to create careers for yourself, fighting tooth and nail for even a shred of recognition in your respective fields. It’s been hard on the both of you. And as bills stack and debts pile, it only gets harder.

You grit your teeth. It’s been tough, but the two of you are tougher. You’ve come so far. Love bends, but it won’t break. You won’t let it. It was you two against the world. Always will be. These petty fights would never change that.

Sometimes difficult to like, but always easy to love. He’s fully, wholly, entirely yours. 

And you, his.

“Yes,” You say, and it’s not a lie, “We’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” He nods, eyes still glazed over with an emotion you don’t quite recognize, “We’ll be okay.” 

Your hands find his, pulling him up from the couch, “Let’s go to bed.”

“No, it’s fine.” He deflects with a breathless chuckle, “I know you really need to finish this. I can survive one night alone.”

“I just need to add my sources by noon tomorrow. I’ll be fine.” You say, and Kiyoomi knows you both need this, “Let’s go to bed, baby.”

He caves, following you to the bedroom. He helps you with your skincare. You two will be okay. You both apologize a dozen more times to each other. Kiyoomi laughs when he realizes he’s had a facemask on that entire time. You two will be okay. You tell him you love him, and he says it back to you. He promises to take you out for lunch tomorrow. 

You two will be okay.

[tennelleflowers]

Rewriting “The Power of Three”-The Sight (text version)

Okay, I said I would attempt to organize a written version of my rewrite here for you guys, so here it goes! I know it’s been a while and I should’ve done this much sooner, but it’s just a lot to organize and go through. A lot of my ideas were written over several different docs before they went into the final script, so this will be an attempt to show you guys what I took down for notes, what I wanted to change/fix/explore, and then what I wrote in the end.

I’m gonna break this up by book because this is already gonna be long. Of course if you just wanna hear all of it, go watch my video: https://youtu.be/D0G_40Q4A_o

I know I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Feel free to use any of my ideas to write your own fanfic or whatever. I have 0 plans to ever actually write this, so have at it. My video was my way to talk about my frustrations with the arc and where I would’ve liked to see it go instead.

I also want to emphasize that my main goal with these “Rewriting” videos is to try to stay AS CLOSE to canon as I can, while still finding ways to make the books more enjoyable (to me, at least). Which was a huge challenge for this series because, to be frank, not a lot happens, and a lot of the things that do happen don’t add up to much. And that’s a big problem. So I had to invent more exciting scenarios/explanations of events to build to a climax that I felt would still be in the spirit of the original books and lead into Omen of the Stars without much changing. Of course, my version of PoT does end up making some big splashes to the canon by the end of it, but I think overall it is still in line with the general themes the arc presented us.

Let’s get started with some of my original notes when going into this rewrite for ‘The Sight’: 

Rewriting PoT

Goals/Things to keep in mind:

-Keeping the 3 as POV’s for each book. It’s their story, so Jay, Holly, and Lion should get equal development and screen time. Always ask: How does this make x character grow? How does this change their group dynamic? How does x’s growth affect the world around them? If I can’t answer these questions about each of them, I need to think about it more.

-Find a way to tie each story together by the end. Most books will be structured with the three feeling isolated or separated from each other, but the end should find a way to bring them back together: for better or worse. Each book should also feel like a milestone in them becoming more powerful. They need to level up at a consistent rate.

-Moving the plot forward quicker, with Long Shadows/Sunrise happening mid series

-Hollyleaf being “evil” for the second half of the arc, with Sol as the main antagonist

-Make Sol an interesting antagonist, somehow

-What the fuck am I going to do with the Tribe stuff for this arc??? Hhh…I’ve got plans for it in OotS, but I think scrap all but the bare minimum of it in this arc and use it as foreshadowing for OotS.

-Giving all 3 cats more authority so their powers actually come across as scary to outsiders

-Can’t keep this one as canonical as the Rewriting New Prophecy video, bc the problems with PoT are more of a direct result of the slow paced storytelling, verus NP where the main problem was *how* the story was told

-Will still try my best to keep things canonical, but events from Omen of the Stars can be used and shuffled in as well. Since these series are so closely linked, rearranging these events could help build narrative tension.

-Kill Firestar in Long Shadows. It would be much more meaningful here, especially if we build a relationship between him and the Three. Huge power dynamic shift and allows the Three to actually stand a chance at becoming “dangerous prophecy cats”

-No prologues, only epilogues. Making this a series that makes you ask questions at the end. You get a satisfying conclusion in each book, but the epilogue fuels the mystery and tension of anticipation for the next book.

The Sight

What happens canonically:

Jay, Holly, and Lion are apprenticed

Jay wants to be a Warrior but bc of his blindness is forced to be a Medicine Cat

Holly wants to be a Medicine Cat because of the power it gives her, but switches to Warrior when she realizes she’s bad at it

Lion is big dumb lad who wins fights, loves his dad, and hates Breeze

Graystripe comes back with Millie

Cat Olympics

*indicate who is the focal character of the book. Each book focuses on each character, but each book highlights 1 moreso than the others

How could we improve (?) this:

Jay*- Instead of wanting to be a warrior, Jaykit just wants to find a way to be an active member of the clan, because the clan has basically decided to keep him a kit longer than Holly and Lion, with the implication that he’ll be moved to the Elders den eventually and never be given the opportunity to train. Some clan cats (Thornclaw, Spiderleg) resent Jay and say things like “he’s using valuable resources” blah blah blah, but on the other side, Firestar and others say Jay is part of the clan just like any other cat but don’t allow him to do anything. Brightheart stands up for Jaykit and begins training him privately. After a while, Jay realizes he wants to be a medicine cat and Brightheart helps him learn the territory and how to care for herbs so he can prove his worth to Firestar and Leafpool for the job. Jay’s powers are starting to emerge. He can feel the emotions of the clan and how they resent and pity him and this makes him bitter. StarClan, at least, encourages Jaykit to continue pushing to become a Medicine Cat.

Holly- Mostly stays the same. Note that when she is a Medicine Cat apprentice, she feels ostracized from the other TC apprentices, this builds up as time goes on and she gets more frustrated with MC duties.

Lion- Focus more on the apprentice dynamics. The other apprentices are jealous of Lion for picking things up so quickly, and bc he isn’t humble about it. He also trains in the Dark Forest and loves being better than everyone else at fighting, although he feels guilty for talking to Tigerstar and Hawkfrost. He tries to find comfort in Holly and Jay, but both are bitter towards him as well. Holly wants to be better friends with the other apprentices and Jay is bitter about not becoming an apprentice at all. Lion could even be feeling pity towards his brother that Jay calls him out on.

Mid-book Graystripe comes back. (Maybe Graystripe and Millie come back during a normal day, Lion attacks them and expects to be praised for defending the border, but everyone is horrified he hurt Graystripe. This is part one of Lion’s wake up call.) This whole book is about figuring out where you fit in. After seeing the clan struggle with where Graystripe fits back into TC life, Holly and Jay finally get to do their switcheroo and Lion realizes he’s been a bit of a show-off/jerk to the other apprentices and stops that behavior but instead starts to become withdrawn.

End the book in a similar fashion, with the all day Gathering and the climax with Breeze almost dying before Jay and Lion save his ungrateful punk ass.

Epilogue: Firestar gets the Power of Three prophecy

Okay! So those were most of my notes specifically about how I wanted to handle this book and now here’s my actual script for the video:

So, in my rewrite, instead of wanting to be a warrior, Jaykit just wants to find a way to be an active member of the clan, because the clan has basically decided to keep him a kit longer than Holly and Lion, with the implication that he’ll be moved to the Elders den eventually and never even be given the opportunity to train. Hollypaw and Lionpaw get apprenticed while Jaykit stays in the nursery. Some clan cats (like Thornclaw and Spiderleg) resent Jaykit and say things like “he’s using up valuable resources” “He doesn’t contribute anything to ThunderClan”, which is horrible, but on the other side of things, Firestar and his family say that Jaykit is part of the clan just like any other cat but don’t allow him to do anything. 

In the midst of all this, Brightheart stands up for Jaykit and begins training him privately. After a while, Jay realizes he wants to be a medicine cat and Brightheart helps him learn the territory and uses her past Medicine Cat training to show Jaykit how to care for herbs so he can prove his worth to Firestar and Leafpool for the position. From the start of all this, Jaykits powers are starting to emerge. He can feel the emotions of the clan and how they resent and pity him and this makes him bitter and gives him all his angst that we know and love him for. StarClan visits Jaykit one night in his dreams and encourages Jaykit to continue pursuing becoming a Medicine Cat.

Now during all of this, of course, Hollypaw is training with Leafpool. For the time being, this mostly stays the same as the book. With a slight addition that when she is a Medicine Cat apprentice, she feels ostracized from the other ThunderClan apprentices. She doesn’t get their in-jokes and feels like she’s being left behind. This builds up as time goes on and she gets more frustrated with Medicine Cat duties. It’s not bringing her the glory, recognition, or satisfaction she thought it would.

For Lionpaw,  I want to focus more on the apprentice dynamics and give Lionpaw a bit more character development. Reminder: the apprentices around this time are Berrypaw, Hazelpaw, Mousepaw, Cinderpaw, Honeypaw, and Poppypaw. The other apprentices are jealous of Lionpaw for picking things up so quickly. And because Lionpaw isn’t very humble about his prowess either, they pretty quickly start to exclude Lionpaw and call him a show-off. Ashfur also turns out to be a hard mentor to please. (2 guesses as to why. And the second guess doesn’t count.) With no real friends and no Hollypaw or Jaykit to hang around either, he begins training in the Dark Forest. Tigerstar and Hawkfrost feed into Lionpaw’s ego, and in a way, are the closest things to friends that Lionpaw has made so far. As much as Lionpaw loves being better than everyone else at fighting, he does still feel guilty for talking to Tigerstar and Hawkfrost. 

At his lowest point in this book, he tries to talk to Holly and Jay about his problems, but both are bitter towards him as well. Hollypaw wants to be better friends with the other apprentices so she doesn’t understand why Lionpaw can’t just get over himself and be nice, and while Jaykit understands the struggle not getting along with their clanmates, he’s still bitter about not becoming an apprentice at all, and thinks Lionpaw has it easy compared to him. Jaykit’s powers also allow him to read Lionpaw’s emotions, and Jaykit is taken aback. Unlike most of the other ThunderClan cats, who Jaykit mostly feels pity from, Jaykit realizes that Lionpaw doesn’t really have any feelings towards him whatsoever. Only apathy. 

So the kids are all kinda being shitty to each other and going through A TIME.

My changes here are all done in the hopes of really putting our protagonists through some tough character development, but also hopefully foreshadow their roles for the rest of the series. Each character is going through their own problems with self-worth and handling it in different ways. Jay, Lion, and Holly start off as ambitious, but loving siblings to each other but then things quickly become complicated and messy, putting a strain on their relationship as each becomes more burdened with their own problems. They forget to care about each other.

As we get to the back half of the book, Graystripe and Millie arrive. Only this time, instead of showing up during a Gathering, Graystripe and Millie show up during a border patrol Lionpaw is on. Lionpaw is the first to notice the different scent and charges in after the intruders, attacking them without hesitation, just like Tigerstar and Hawkfrost showed him how to do. Lionpaw’s clanmates are horrified he attacked Graystripe, and this begins Lionpaw’s wake-up call that he’s been too brash and big headed. He begins to realize that the other apprentices were right about him and his ego is shattered.

As ThunderClan debates on how Graystripe and Millie are going to fit back into Clan life, this parallels Hollypaw and Jaykit problems as well. Through watching Graystripe reintegrate, Hollypaw realizes that she’d be happier training as a Warrior. And when Millie becomes part of the clan, this gives Jaykit the courage he needs to tell Firestar and Leafpool that he wants to become a Medicine Cat Apprentice and he can prove he’s capable of doing it. After all, if a former kittypet can walk into camp and become a Warrior, why shouldn’t he get a chance? Though he can feel his clanmates doubt and pity him, Jaykit also feels Brightheart’s pride and confidence in him.

Jaykit’s nerves do get the best of him a few times, and he makes a few unfortunate mistakes, but overall does the job. Firestar questions how Jaykit learned all of this, and instead of outing Brightheart, he tells Firestar and Leafpool that a StarClan warrior taught him everything. This half-truth seals the deal and Jaykit finally becomes Jaypaw, Leafpool’s Apprentice.Jaypaw feels strange, unfamiliar emotions from Leafpool and Firestar is also still strangely hesitant towards Jaypaw’s apprenticeship, Jaypaw doesn’t know what to make of these emotions other than assuming that they still don’t believe he can do it. Jaypaw burns with anger and determination but tries not to let it discourage him.

As we reach the climax of this book, the clans still go through with the all day Gathering, but this time Jaypaw, Lionpaw, and Hollypaw are enjoying the Gathering together. Before the Gathering begins the siblings have a heart-to-heart where they each apologize for not being there for each other. For the first time, Jaypaw feels his siblings look at him with pride. He confesses that Brightheart was the one who helped him learn everything. And while Lionpaw has recovered a bit from his shame of attacking Graystripe, he’s still a bit withdrawn, but Hollypaw and Jaypaw are just happy to have gotten an apology from their meat-head brother. 

Another thing to note is that throughout the book, we would still get introduced to Breezepaw and Heatherpaw. Lionpaw in particular has had a few confrontations with Breezepaw. And at the end, Breezepaw still nearly dies until Jaypaw feels his distress through his power and he, Lionpaw, and Hollypaw go save him. 

The clans celebrate Jaypaw, Lionpaw, and Hollypaw heroics and things end on a nice little note about finding where you belong, teamwork, and communication.

Only, now we get the epilogue. Ah ha ha! That’s right. There’s no prologue to this series, only epilogues. Firestar is receiving a dream from StarClan. Instead of any particular StarClan cat visiting Firestar, he can only explore a hostile and dark forest, and the words of a thousand ancestors cry out, “Beware. Three will come, kin of your kin, who hold the power of the stars in their paws.” Firestar wakes up in a cold sweat as he hears commotion outside his den. We, as the readers, now realize that this took place several moons ago as Firestar sees Leafpool and Squirrelflight walk into camp with Jaykit, Hollykit, and Lionkit as newborns and Firestar looks on with uncertainty.  

Okay, that was a lot of set up, and some definite changes, but I’m hoping that all of this will strengthen the narrative and characterization, AND give us some juicy foreshadowing of things to come.

[frogcraftingg]

Hello I have an account on tumbler but I can’t log in lol so for now I’m just asking anonymously but I’m a very big Minecrafter I love Minecraft and the endless adventures that you can do in game I also just started watching your channel and your honestly pretty amazing your let’s plays are super cozy and I was wondering if you can give me some tips on starting out in survival Ive played it but I have never really played survival through without getting bored so can you please give me some tips

Hi!

A few questions to ask yourself before you start a new world: Why do you want to make this world? What are you hoping to accomplish? Are there any challenges you want to take on (hardcore, progress in 100 days, all the achievements, etc.,)?

Then decide if you want to do a random seed or search for a seed. I've done both in the past and I'll be honest, when I search for a seed that has a spawn/biomes nearby that I really like, I feel way way way more passionate about my projects directly from the get-go. I don't mind a grind at all for resources or traveling for other blocks, but having a cool area nearby spawn to build in just really has made me happy!

Some good resources: Minecraft Seeds Subreddit, Seed Map Website (where you can generate random seeds quickly!), Minecraft & Chill on YouTube - lots of really incredible seed videos if you're a really visual person (and all of the seeds are in the description so you can copy and paste!)

I feel like I also really struggled with this when I first started getting into survival gameplay so here are some things that I did at the beginning that really helped me out: 1) Taking inspiration from other Let's Plays : Now I don't mean copying the build style or anything, but actually seeing how they progressed and what they prioritized, because I'll be honest, before I started making Minecraft content I'd only ever defeated the Ender Dragon once and I was carried by my boyfriend, lol. Before that, all I really did was try and build cool houses (most notably for some reason lots of sand castles or underwater glass bases). But building up farms, learning how to do trading with villagers, trying out different building styles and covering up my farms with builds all really inspired me and kept me focused!

2) Keep a 'to-do' list : This one can be really personal and you can do it in game (in a book, signs on a project board, etc.,) or you can keep one out of the game in google docs, notion, on paper, however you really want to do it! This can help you keep track of everything you want to do: goals, farms, builds, and give you a sense of satisfaction towards 'checking things off your to-do list'!

3) Try and work on one thing at a time : In the early game, don't overstress by looking at the entire to do list after you make it. Focus on one thing at a time, even if it means you'll be moving a cow farm or something later, get yourself set up with the resources you need and focus on them one at a time. Usually some early game projects for me are: getting a bed!, water bucket/shield, all wood types, diamond gear, renewable food source, finding a village, getting a house set up, making a farm, enchanting, etc., and those can be your projects if you like them to be as well, but work on them one at a time! Unless you're doing a 100 days challenge for yourself you're in absolutely no rush to get anything done that you don't want to do!

4) Later, when you get stuck : Work on something else or play something else for a while. This will help you *so much* in the long run as you won't be burning out on projects that are giving you problems or taking longer than anticipated to complete. I play Minecraft for content and for fun, but I also always make sure when I'm not recording or with friends I play some other games too to keep Minecraft not getting stale for me. And if and when I get stuck, I will simply move on to another project and leave a project partially finished. I've done this on my hardcore streams on Twitch, I'm rebuilding a village for my villagers and I'm a slow builder while I'm chatting up with everyone. In between houses, I work on building up farms for resources, go on silly adventures to find allays or all of the cat varieties, or simply shift my focus to another project in the village like pathways, streetlights, ponds, gardens, etc., to keep myself from burning out on building.

I know those last two points are a bit contradictory but I guess it sort of feels to me like writing, painting, or anything else. Don't force yourself if you're feeling burnt out. Minecraft for most of us is a way to have fun, so remember to keep it fun for yourself and not like work.

Remember it's a sandbox game-you can add mods, texture packs, play on any difficulty (including peaceful), and just really experience the game how you want to. Once I started to worry about what I enjoyed more in my world, and how I wanted to play, what I wanted to do, etc., I felt so much more inspired to start and stick with a world!

Hope that helps!

[warriorsfireandwater]

Warriors Analysis 2: A Breakdown of the Crow/Night/Breeze Family Dynamic

I said I would do it, so here we are. The big doozy. For this one, I’m going to putting all of the sourced scenes in a linked google doc, because I just don’t want to make this post a million miles long. Instead, for this post, I will sum up all of the conclusions made after reviewing every scene involving the family from Po3 through OotS, with other relevant information from other books included.

Context of this one: I’ve watched (and participated in) a lot of debate over this family. Just about every single argument I’ve seen tends to:

1) rely on a person’s opinion of a character overall to how they feel about the family (”I found Nightcloud annoying” often goes along with “Nightcloud is equally bad of a parent” or “Breezepelt was a bad person so I don’t sympathize with him in the family situation”)

2) misremember canon

3) rely on a person’s headcanons of what actually happened to shape their judgement of the family (”Nightcloud spoiled Breezepelt and told him Crowfeather is bad” when there are zero canon scenes of this happening)

Some ground rules: I’m relying on breaking down the canon scenes in the books. I am NOT inserting my own thoughts or beliefs as to what happened behind the scenes. If there’s anything bordering on that (”this behavior implies X”), it’ll be clearly stated that it’s an interpretation. I ask that if you want to comment or debate this analysis that you do the same. People’s headcanons shaping how they remember the family is the thing that frustrated me enough to spend hours digging this up. As a personal request, please don’t use this post to say “Nightcloud still sucks and I hate her”/”Breezepelt still sucks and I hate him”/”neglect isn’t abuse” - the latter is definitively incorrect and is upsetting to hear as a survivor of abuse. “X character still is bad” just takes away from the point of this - which is not to say “Breezepelt is a good person”, but PURELY to breakdown the family dynamic. With that out of the way, let’s GO:

After looking at literally every scene involving Breezepelt, Crowfeather, and Nightcloud and analyzing the ones that involve or mention them as a family, here’s some key points. The scenes that back these points up are included and detailed in this doc.

Breezepaw is introduced to us as a bit aggressive and rude, and his mentor, Whitetail, wishes to Crowfeather that she would teach him manners (earning her no response from him)

We first properly see Nightcloud during the dog attack in The Sight, when Breezepaw returns from checking the barrier. Breezepaw reports that there is no damage, and Crowfeather immediately questions if he actually checked all the way around. Breezepaw tells him “Of course!”, and Nightcloud says that Crowfeather should trust his son more.

This suggests Nightcloud is ready to defend Breezepaw whenever. However, as ThunderClan is leaving, Breezepaw mutters that WindClan can manage on their own. Nightcloud immediately scolds him and compliments Lionpaw for saving Heatherpaw during the battle.

Later, at the daylight Gathering, Lionpaw and Breezepaw are buried underground. Crowfeather and Nightcloud help dig them out, and Breezepaw is not breathing when he comes out. Jaypaw has to pull dirt out of his throat to save his life.

Leafpool says to Crowfeather that she would “give [her] last drop of blood to save [his kit]”. Nightcloud sharply retorts that “our kit was lucky that Jaypaw was here”.

Nightcloud carries Breezepaw away from the scene “like a kit”. Crowfeather offers to help, but she carries him on her own. She does not push him away/force him away/shout at him, she literally just chooses to carry him. Nightcloud spends the rest of the daylight Gathering curled around Lionpaw and Breezepaw and keeping them resting.

We learn these things from the Sight: Breezepaw and Crowfeather seem to have a tense relationship, but that isn’t fully developed. Nightcloud is willing to defend him from Crowfeather’s doubts, but notably does not defend him when he acts like a punk in front of her. She is bothered by Leafpool’s comment about giving her life for Breezepaw (which I personally find pretty reasonable to be bothered by), but counters by giving her gratitude to Jaypaw. She wants to carry Breezepaw after he nearly dies, but isn’t pushing Crowfeather away or denying him anything like many people claim.

In Dark River, Crowfeather encourages Breezepaw’s bias against ThunderClan, telling him that they “celebrate mixed blood” in a tone that implies it as a negative thing. (It seems implied he does this to get to Leafpool, who is upset by his comment.)

Jaypaw is able to feel Nightcloud’s jealous emotions on a few occasions, but she actually never says anything to Leafpool or Crowfeather about it.

In Outcast, Crowfeather is called to go on the journey to the Tribe. Onestar tells him to take Breezepaw, who has gotten in trouble a few times. Breezepaw makes it very plain he doesn’t want to go and worries that his Clanmates are just trying to get rid of him. Crowfeather wants to go, but “sighs” over the idea of taking Breezepaw. To me, he comes off as disinterested and possibly disappointed that he has to bring him. Crowfeather snaps at Breezepaw for asking to say goodbye to his friends, saying “There isn’t time!” even though literally no one is rushing them to leave. Nightcloud comes to say goodbye, but Crowfeather is distant and doesn’t respond to her.

Throughout Outcast, each POV character has at least one (if not many) moments where they think about Crowfeather/Breezepaw and feel pity for Breezepaw, despite really hating him. Hollypaw especially thinks often about how she appreciates Brambleclaw for encouraging and supporting her, and the apprentices all seem to realize that Breezepaw is angry because his father “doesnt seem to like him”. 

When questioning why they have to help the tribe, Crowfeather just tells Breezepaw “You’ll never understand loyalty.”

When they run into Purdy, Breezepaw is pretty rude to him. Crowfeather doesn’t interrupt a single time throughout multiple insults, then reacts by hitting him across the ear without saying anything, which is noted as “a hard blow”.

Breezepaw nearly dies falling off into a ravine after thinking he’s discovered a faster way. Crowfeather pulls him back and snaps at him, expressing no concern for his life. In Eclipse, Crowfeather pointedly does not compliment Breezepaw’s catch of the rabbit, which angers Breezepaw.

During the reveal of Leaf/Crow in the last book, Breezepelt and Nightcloud stand by Crow’s side and don’t publicly turn on him or say anything against him.

This journey gives us a lot of insight into Crow and Breeze’s dynamic. Breezepaw is pretty obviously a little punk throughout this book, but Crowfeather has no healthy way of communicating with him or discipling him. Instead, he snaps at him, hits him, or ignores him, all of which just feeds into Breezepaw’s anger. Nightcloud is not present for any of this and has no way of controlling their interactions here, which could have been a perfect opportunity for Crowfeather to build a relationship with his son if it were true that Night had prevented this.

Breezepelt shows up in Fading Echoes, training in the Dark forest. A few things are made explicit: he is being manipulated by the Dark Forest and Tigerstar’s words have an almost hypnotic effect on him. The cats present egg him on against Crowfeather, feeding into his belief that Crow does not value him. (Side note, I find it really interesting that in this book, Breezepelt has notable value in the warrior code [which encourages his hate towards Crow] and the DF cats encourage this, saying it is “strong” in his blood. Next time we see him, though, he wants to destroy it.)

Flametail randomly thinks about Breezepelt’s family while spending time with Tawnypelt, feeling glad he has nicer kin.

We get the infamous scene where Lion and Breeze fight. Breeze and Crow were both trespassing on ThunderClan territory and Lion caught the prey Breezepelt was about to catch. He intentionally eggs Breezepelt into a fight (rather than just attacking him himself). Leafpool interrupts, asking how Crow can watch this. Nightcloud then shows up and insists Crowfeather has only one son. Leafpool jumps in between them as Breezepelt is leaping for Lionblaze, and she gets clawed. Crowfeather hauls him off and throws him aside, then keeps talking to Leafpool, who tells him she loved him.

Nightcloud then comes over and pulls Crowfeather away from Leafpool. She sinks her claws into his pelt to do this. However, it’s worth noting that this scene contains MANY references to blood every time claws come out - she does not draw blood and he does not express any signal of pain. It’s likely she used her claws only as a means of holding onto him, not to cause him harm. Crowfeather turns on him, and Breezepelt wails before getting between them, telling Crowfeather to leave his mother alone.

Nightcloud doesn’t react rationally in this scene - but neither does any character. Lionblaze is an ass, Breezepelt is an ass, Crowfeather is an ass, and Leafpool is still walking around making declarations of her former love in front of Crowfeather’s wife.

Nightcloud is one of the cats to react rudely to Hollyleaf’s return, but she doesn’t directly attack/challenge her. (This is actually the last time we see Nightcloud.)

The final meaningful scene is in The Last Hope, when Breezepelt fights Lionblaze. Crowfeather intervenes and says he will not allow Breezepelt to hurt him. Breezepelt retorts he always knew Crowfeather hated him, which Crow denies.

“I never hated you!” Crowfeather growled. “That’s just what you were determined to believe. And Nightcloud encouraged you.”

“It’s not her fault!” Breezepelt spat.

“No,” Crowfeather hissed. “I should have done something much earlier...”

This is the first and only time this is blamed on Nightcloud. This is the only indication we have that this could be true.

Some other notable things:

Crowfeather took Nightcloud as a mate to prove his loyalty, not out of love. (This is said in After Sunset: We need to talk)

The Ultimate Guide also confirms the above, but is a questionable source given the many errors included in it. It states that Crowfeather resents Nightcloud (for not being Leafpool), and that Nightcloud coddled Breezepelt. However, the latter is never shown in the story (and the opposite is actually shown when she scolds him).

In Crowfeather’s Trial, Crowfeather is pushed to recognize his anger towards his son and apologize for his behavior towards him and Nightcloud. Even in an entire book from Crow’s perspective (which provides opportunity for memories, flashbacks, etc), there is no indication that Nightcloud actually pushed Breezepelt to hate Crowfeather. There’s a throwaway mention that Crowfeather was too strict or too rough with Breezepelt as a kit, but it’s never actually said that Nightcloud told him this/kept him away/etc. (IE: it’s impossible to say if Nightcloud screamed this at him or asked him once to be gentle. We just don’t know!)

With all this said, here’s my take on the dynamic:

Crowfeather was a neglectful father and an inconsiderate mate. The only scene we get where he seems to actually get along with Breezepaw is when he is encouraging him to dislike ThunderClan by feeding into hatred for “mixed blood” cats. In all other scenes, he: 1) ignores his bad behavior, 2) is unnecessarily harsh to him or dismissive of him, 3) questions and undermines him, 4) does not have healthy ways of addressing his poor behavior (IE, he ignores and turns away from him rather than discussing it when all the apprentices are in trouble and the other warriors are scolding them, he flat-out hits Breezepaw at one point after saying nothing to intervene in his rudeness), and 5) blames Nightcloud for their bad relationship. Crowfeather is provided plenty of opportunities to interact with Breezepaw while Nightcloud isn’t present (in fact, Nightcloud shows up very little - most scenes of the family have just Breeze and Crow, there are many books where Nightcloud isn’t even mentioned).

Nightcloud was literally just being a normal mom and was often pushed to feeling jealous around Leafpool, often because Leafpool doesn’t have any boundaries around hinting about loving Crowfeather for some reason. I was actually really shocked by how... absolutely fuckin brazen Leafpool is 24/7 about waltzing up to Crowfeather while his wife is standing right there and going “just so you know......... i miss you........... i’d give my life for you......” It’s just WEIRD. IMO, it’s pretty damn reasonable for that to make Nightcloud irritated! Most of the time, she never actually voices her jealousy, we just know about it because of Jaypaw’s ability. When she does, it’s sometimes done by complimenting someone else or giving credit to another cat, like when Jaypaw saves Breezepaw. There is zero text in the story supporting the idea that Nightcloud was overbearing or that she spoiled him: we have TWO SCENES where she has character moments around this. In the first, she is defending him from Crowfeather’s doubt, and in the second, she is scolding him for being ungrateful to ThunderClan for their help.

Breezepelt was a kid that grew up feeling unloved, unappreciated, and angry and resentful as a result. The Dark Forest, not Nightcloud, fed into this belief, but we also have a whole lot of scenes that show why that feeling of resentment towards Crowfeather is there to begin with.

The final hot take: If you believe Nightcloud ‘spoiled’ Breezepelt or that she was ‘overbearing and possessive’, you need to reread Po3 and OotS. It’s just not there.

(Bonus: I love Leafpool but god, girl, you need to read a room.)