#we all went our separate ways once we hit like. 16. but still!! the similarities go a lot deeper and it’s so strange (in a good way)

[sentientsky]

how did every single one of my elementary school friends end up being queer, nonbinary, and neurodivergent?????? i know we have a tendency to unconsciously herd together, but ALL OF US???

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: None

Word Count: 1,727 Words

Summary: Touya’s first class in 1-A is a bit more complicated than anyone thought it would be.

Warnings: Food Mention, Child Abuse Mention, Cursing, Anxiety Attack Mention, Death Mention, Burn Mention, let me know if I should tag anything else.

Notes: Yes, I made Touya, Natsuo, and Fuyumi triplets. No, I won’t apologize.

Hair Dye Buddies: Chapter 2

In the morning, Kirishima lent him a uniform and he got breakfast with him and his friends, Bakugou, Sero, Kaminari, and Ashido. Breakfast was fun, he got to have whatever he wanted so he got to eat curry. He'd never been given options at home. He wondered if the lock was still on the fridge at home and how Shoto was doing with it.

When he followed the group to class like he assumed Aizawa wanted, he and his group had gotten there before everyone but a blue haired boy.

"Your hair looks good, Bakugou." Aizawa greeted the loud boy.

"Thanks, Kirishima did it pretty good. I look more like my dad finally." Katsuki grinned slyly as he sat with his feet on his desk.

"Alright, Touya. Your chair is next to Hagakure, the only chair by itself." Aizawa told him.

"I wasn't aware we were getting a transfer, Mr. Aizawa!" The blue boy exclaimed.

"We're not, Iida. I've personally taken Touya temporarily into the hero course for his own protection until we can find him a suitable housing arrangement." Aizawa told him.

"So he will not be here permanently?" Iida asked.

"As far as I'm aware, it's not permanent." Aizawa told him.

"I wonder how Todoroki will react." Mina smiled.

"How I'll react to what?" Touya asked her.

"No, your brother. You know, Shoto?" Mina reminded him.

"But what will he react to he's just-" The door opened and a guy with green hair came in and headed right for Iida but the brunette girl talking to the kid with split hair stopped his sentence. "What the...?" And that was the conversations downfall. "What the fuck prank are you pulling? What the fuck is this, Aizawa? Is this some kind of joke!?" He demanded.

"What's wrong, kid?" Aizawa asked.

"Why does he look like that!? Why is he so old!?" Touya was shaking, he knew he was shaking. What was happening? Why did Shoto look his age?

"What do you mean, Touya?" Aizawa asked and Shoto's eyes got wide.

"Touya?" Shoto asked.

"Why are you so old!?" He insisted.

"Mr. Aizawa, if this is Touya, he's supposed to be either 21 or dead." Touya felt his breath shorten. Dead? He was supposed to be dead?

"Shoto, how old are you?" Touya asked suddenly.

"I'm 16." Touya felt the world crash. Shoto was sixteen? He was supposed to be eleven.

"This isn't real. This is a nightmare and I need to wake up." Touya muttered.

"Touya, what's happening?" Aizawa asked.

"He can't be sixteen! He's supposed to be eleven! This isn't real! This can't be real!" Everything felt too much. Everything was too much. He didn't know how but he ended up on the ground, back against a wall, with Aizawa holding his arms. He knew he was crying but he felt like he couldn't breathe.

"It's okay, kid. Breathe slow. Everything's fine, I promise." Aizawa calmed him.

"What's happening? What happened to me!?" Touya choked out.

"I don't know but everything will be okay. I'll make sure of it." Aizawa promised.

"Mr. Aizawa, what's wrong with Touya?" Iida asked.

"He had an anxiety attack. Do you feel okay now, Touya?" Aizawa asked Touya. He slowly nodded and took some deeper breaths.

"I'm sorry, I worried you all. I shouldn't have-" Touya began.

"Don't apologize, it happens to the best of us." He assured him. "You seem to have been deaged five years."

"I lost five whole years?" Touya asked softly.

"It seems like it." Aizawa told him softly.

"What's gonna happen to me now?" He asked breath fast and shallow again, slowly realizing he would probably be put under his father's custody.

"Well, you'll stay here and I'll try to figure out if this is permanent or not. If it's temporary, I'll help you readjust when you grow up. If it's permanent, you'll stay here in UA and graduate with your brother and I'll take your custody to ensure your safety. Regardless, you'll get your final two years of schooling even if you age back up, since you didn't graduate in the first place." Aizawa assured.

Touya immediately tackled his teacher in a hug. He was scared, devolving into another anxiety attack at the overwhelming emotions. He needed someone close, something Aizawa reciprocated easily. He felt other arms soon and looked to find Shoto hugging him. His lungs loosened slightly at the comfort that nearly identical body against his brought.

"Sho?" He asked in confusion. Shoto was never allowed near him before, so why was he so close willingly?

"Deep breaths, you'll be okay." Shoto assured him. "At least we can pretend we're twins if this is permanent." He let out a watery laugh. Him and Shoto, twins? He never thought he'd see the day him and Shoto spoke without their father around, hovering, training.

"Joint birthday or separate?" He laughed out.

"Whichever you want. Maybe we can convince Dad you were a cover up by the nurses." Shoto, always the mastermind of a scheme.

"He'd believe that, the thick bastard." He smiled, wiping his eyes and totally smudging the eyeliner Mina had insisted on painting on his face.

"Mina, our emotional support emo messed up his makeup!" Bakugou complained.

"Gosh dang it, Touya!" Mina whined but Touya just smiled at his new friends and his newly appointed 'twin' brother.

He was okay, everything would be fine. Between Shoto and Aizawa, everything would be alright. Shoto and Aizawa got him up and Mina forcefully fixed his makeup for him whilst everyone slowly filtered in.

"Where's Hagakure?" Aizawa demanded.

"She's having issues with her insulin levels this morning and Recovery Girl insists that she stay in her office to be monitored." The raven girl in the back told him.

"Thank you, Yaoyorozu. Someone will need to fill Hagakure in when they see her next because we have a special announcement today." Aizawa began. Touya had been told to not speak until the end. Not hard given he was a bit overwhelmed and talking didn't quite come naturally to him anyway.

"As you can see, we have a new student with us. Some of you already know these circumstances and the situation surrounding the decision to allow him here today. I expect you to treat him like any other classmate you'd have here in UA." He threateningly lowered his voice, garnering nods from his student body.

"The new student is in limbo of becoming a permanent student due to his situation. He was hit with a quirk that deaged him five years, losing his memory and reverted him, either temporarily or permanently, to a sixteen year old once again." Some gasps from the room.

"I will be seeking his custody and he will be an honorary student come the end of today's school day, due to the limited knowledge of the quirk that hit him while he was older." Aizawa finished his speech. "Class, I'd like you to meet your new classmate, Todoroki Touya." He drawled tiredly and Touya had to wonder if he was actually physically tired or just emotionally tired.

"Hello Touya, we're very happy to have you here!" Announced Yaoyorozu.

"Thanks." He felt awkward with focus on him now.

"Todoroki? But we already..." The brunette girl began.

"He's my brother, yes." Shoto confirmed and everyone went about chattering about how similar they looked and how they seemed to have been meant to be twins what with Touya having cotton candy pink hair, a mix of Shoto's red and white. He always was the odd sibling out, he supposed.

"So now we have two of them!?" A girl he'd heard being referred to as 'Jirou' exclaimed.

"Yes. Sorry for any confusion that may occur around this due to our names being the same. If you'd like, you could likely refer to Touya by Himura, our mother's maiden name, or just begin calling us by our first names." Shoto told them as everyone looked to Touya for confirmation.

"Touya?" Yaoyorozu asked.

"It's fine by me." He quietly replied.

"Okay good, I'll call you Touya since you seem rather comfortable with the idea." She announced and he smiled.

"Thank you." He meekly hid in his chair. He wished for the focus to go elsewhere, like a lesson Aizawa was likely supposed to be teaching.

Eventually, Aizawa began to teach his lesson and Touya was asked to accompany them to Gym Gamma and to show them his quirk once they arrived so they knew what they were facing in later classes.

"I um...I don't know what it is anymore." Touya admitted.

"What? Anymore? What do you mean?" Aizawa asked.

"That guy, he thought my quirk was dangerous so he changed it. That's his quirk. He can change other's quirks. That's why I ran away, he changed my quirk to something else." Touya was quiet, afraid of his own new power.

"Well what was it?" The scruffy teacher asked.

"Strong fire. Like, really strong. Burn myself strong." Touya admitted.

"Well, whatever he gave you, try to use it. I can stop you if it gets out of control." Aizawa assured him.

Touya took a few deep breaths and tried to call his fire as he'd had it with whispy movements. No luck. Odd but expected. He tried something more rigid and geared toward Shoto's ice he'd seen once. Still no luck. He tried to call something more fluid like Natsuo's water. No luck. Minimal movements to change temperature like Fuyumi and still no luck.

Just when he was about to give up on hoping he still had the family quirks, he tried one more way, combining the rigidity of Shoto's ice with the whisp that was his own fire. And it was like a whirlwind of snow suddenly hit Gym Gamma and he gasped at the flakes falling on the brisk October day.

It was beautiful. He had a new quirk. No longer would his fire eat him up from the inside out, but this new quirk also had a beauty to it that truly combined their parent's quirks.

He looked up to find half the class playing in the snow of his own making, others smiling awaiting their training, and Shoto and Aizawa smiling proudly at him. He smiled and made some more snow at the demand of Kaminari desperately trying to make a snow angel on the ground.

Taglist: @lgbtforeverything @rin-tanaka @everythingisstardust 

[subaruthegamer]

About My OCs (Colby and Jack)

This is my fantasy, so bear with me here.

Colby Roberts

“Colby... I can’t do this...” - me, a few weeks after we have an argument

“I still want you anyway... because I’m madly in love with you...” - Colby

For those who don’t know, Colby is Jack’s son, so if you wonder where he gets those looks from, here’s my answer. 

Colby was born to a extremely wealthy heiress, who’s father was practically unknown because, he just vanished off the face of the earth, and since he was born to a wealthy family, it didn’t take long before he starting falling into the wrong crowd... with his drug habits starting to catch up at his adult years. His drug habit, oddly enough, didn’t affect him as much as the doctors thought - because they were thinking, surely, he’d have either died from an overdose, or somehow turned into a vegetable. But yet, that didn’t happen. And there was nothing conclusive with his bloodwork. Since he was filed on charges, they gave him two options (which, as far as I can tell, seem to be the mother’s choices) - either rot in prison for possession, or go into the military.

You can pretty much tell which option he went for.

Colby enlisted at the military, which at 18... he had plenty of time to start shaping his body - and he was a genius too. His scores were practically almost record breaking - considering the record was from 16 years ago! Colby is an expert tactician, and when you added hand-to-hand combat training plus all the muscle he gained from training... he was practically a Spartan.

During his time, he met Randy when, by chance, he was a captain - and Randal was a second lieutenant. In fact, Colby and Randal felt something between them. In fact, at one point, Colby once told me that if you put him and Randal in a room all alone at some point during the night, you might be able to hear Randy’s pleasuring at taking Colby on. However, it wasn’t just at a relationship level - they really were an unstoppable force.

Rather disappointingly, Colby resigned from the military after serving 8 years - and ended up heading back to Riverview... and somehow, relapsing again.

A year later, Colby ended up in my care as I was his sober companion after his relapse, and to be honest, when I met the guy, he was honestly more intimidating than I ever imagined. Sort of like the Hulk, but scaled down, and human.

To be completely honest, the first 2 weeks, he had been avoiding me since he insisted he didn’t need my help - but I stayed - because I wanted to get him to open up about himself. But - when you live with a 230+ lb man, you’d kind of want to stay out of his way when he simply won’t budge. Didn’t stop me from trying though. Sure enough, I gradually got him to be able to quietly strum his six-string guitar on the occasional night.

Our relationship took a little bit of an unexpected leap, because one night, Colby was invited to the family dinner, and this being a part where the father walked out on him... it lead to them being quite verbally abusive to him about it. Of course, we walked out and headed home with them still being pretty abusive... and hearing his mental health shattering into a million pieces. By that time though, I’d been his companion for what was stipulated, but because I didn’t want to leave him in that state, tried to renew the contract.

The lawyer said... no. So I ended up lying much to the bemusement of my therapist. 

I was wondering if I was going to get away with it when I still accompanied him to his musical composition job (guitars and pianos are his favourite) but I had to remind him at the end of the day that I still was his sober companion.

“Like hell you are.” Colby shouted. “You sure as hell haven’t been for at least a few weeks.” Much to my shock, I thought I had had it for a moment.

A sigh came from him shortly after. “I knew you lied when I called her lawyer the next day after you said he had extended the contract.”

I tried to figure out what I was going to say next. “Colby, I...” 

“I’m not angry over this.” Colby inched forward towards me to corner me between him and a wall. “I’m actually quite touched... since you saw the state that I was in after that... so for a while after that I adopted a more... aggressive mood.”

I was actually frozen stiff because he had cornered me between him and the wall with both bulging arms at the side of me.

“Until I found out you had been lying last week, I started to pull you along a little to see if you would realise that I was fine and moved on... but instead... you stayed. Didn’t occur to me that at the same time you were also having feelings for me... and I was still in denial until I gave into your feelings...”

Colby gradually moved his left hand off the wall and started feeling my back down.

“So... I want to offer you something... you stay with me... and we’ll see where our feelings for each other go... sound good?” Colby whispered.

At this point, I could hardly control myself, and Colby knew I was begging to be given the treatment that I’ve sorely needed. I was still gay at that time, but my love life had gone nowhere... and I was fidgeting a little because this was practically a dream come true for me.

“I’ll take that as a yes...” Colby later leaned in and gave me a rather sloppy lick on my face. And the next thing I knew he had leaned even closer to start making out with me.

“Why did you think I was this aggressive with you... you are so damn cute...”

After work, we gradually continued to have feelings for each other much to the disgust from my classmates with that lick.

So, we dated, we laughed, we cuddled, we had our idea of hunter and prey... which I have to say, was one of the very sexual relieving moments we’ve had together. When that happened, Colby flew up the ladder to being a hit movie director, and I wasn’t trailing far behind with my (slightly stalled) career in journalism as I was being promoted, and transferred to Lucky Palms.

Sounds perfect, you might think. Actually, in a way, it wasn’t. Because Randy showed up asking for Colby. More on that in his side of the story.

Jack Winter

“I wasn’t expecting myself to be this... swept away with you.” - Jack, slowly leaning into me for a spot where he has the advantage on me

“Yet... here you are, wanting me as much as everyone else we know.” - me, trying to find a way for him to stop but realising I’m going to be doomed

With Jack, complications turn into one story, so trying to analyse him is almost easier said than done - simply because: he’s a pure-bred demon. 

How demons work in my world, is that demons are in a world separate to ours - they have their own world much like fantasies. How they go into human bodies is through the sort of capsule that is a remote link to a human body. Some demons don’t use the bodies at all because they’re more nature demons, but the human demons - those are a different story. Jack is the latter, and one of the more emotionally manipulative kind. It works like this: he takes a body - steps on anyone’s toes and makes them make terrible decisions or suffer a embarrassing (but not fatal - he’s not that cruel) fate. All targets are random, so one day, a wealthy bachelor might suffer an a problem one day, and then the next, it could be someone like me. 

When Jack just “appeared” (what Randy and I joke about how he was created), he was one hell of a rollercoaster to deal with - he was having a hellva lot of fun slowly manipulating people into doing stuff they couldn’t realise. A hell of a time for him, after all, with all the powers he had access to, the fun was going to keep rolling like a Bugatti Chiron with an endless supply of fuel. You wouldn’t run out of it, you’d keep going.

That changed when Jack met Colby’s mother - when Jack was about to ensnare his powers on her, for some reason, she fell in love with her. Why that happened, we may never know, but the next morning, she saw a gorgeous hunk of a man sitting at her desk - which took some explaining on Jack’s part (that old charmer) to what was going on. Thankfully, she decided to not alert anyone, and allowed him to stay in her house - and getting to know that mysterious man who had suddenly appeared. Over that time, they both got together, had long walks, and spent a few days being intimate with each other - and satisfying each other as well. The only people who knew the truth about Jack were; Colby’s mother, the staff at the house, and a lawyer handling her estate. The romance didn’t last as long as she hoped - because one day, Jack was summoned to go back into the demon world, much to her sadness (the one time she was in complete love, according to Jack). Until she was unwell one morning and found out she was pregnant - and decided to keep the baby.

So 30 plus years later, when she died, he came back hoping to continue everything... instead, she died of an untreatable cancer tumor... with a son that had grown up to be living in Lucky Palms after moving from Riverview. The lawyer had a moment alone and discussed what had happened in those 30 years - her death, and her son... as well as some last letters to him about getting him to “finish what she started.” With that said, Jack had no idea what to do on the day he knocked on the Lucky Palms door - at that time, we were just engaged, and I was quite shocked when Jack said he was Colby’s father even though he looked quite young.

Obviously, it wasn’t without it’s shortcomings. Since Colby practically had so many questions, it really did beg the question... who was this person who looked, in age, practically close to a point where it wouldn’t make any sense?

So, at dinner, the three of us (in a rather tense manner) had dinner that I had decided to cook. While we were discussing it, we started to notice a few similarities in habits and preferences. Except on Jack’s side, they were much more prominent when he managed to somehow tempt me to get close to him. 

When he was planning on spending the night in Randy’s old room (which was empty since at the time, Deacon and Randy were experimenting with sleeping together), Jack started to tempt himself with me. He started to get closer and closer, and before we knew it, Jack had me pinned on the bed and began his near identical and significantly rougher (sloppier kisses, sloppier licks and so on) but then, he also backed off thankfully 10 seconds before Colby walked in. Before you asked, I did tell Colby about the similar interactions he did in that one move, but obviously, we were still skeptical. So, with Jack’s permission, we managed to withdraw blood from him and using Adam’s futuristic DNA sequencer, managed to get a father-son match with Jack and Colby.

Before you asked how the two finally settled their differences (and have Colby get all the questions he needed), Deacon suggested we put them in a rage room to settle it. Sure enough, I had to pay for damages, because, well, they did put a “few” holes in the wall when they were done. And a new set of clothes.

[junker-town]

Josh Giddey is the NBA draft pick who almost slipped through the cracks

How Josh Giddey went from being cut by his Australian state team to a potential NBA draft lottery pick.

Josh Giddey knew he was down to his last chance. As he arrived at a multi-day basketball jamboree known as the East Coast Challenge, Giddey was one of 60 youth players competing from the Australian states of Victoria, New South Wales, and South Australia hoping to be selected for the prestigious state team.

State basketball is the pathway to a brighter future in the game in Australia, but it had alluded Giddey to this point. Three times he had tried out for state-level basketball, and three times he had received an email at the end of the event telling him he’d been cut. Only 16 years old and already realizing he was at a crossroads in his career, Giddey was determined not to let it happen again.

He had the benefit of a recent growth spurt this time around that taken him up to 6’8 as a point guard. The added height only accentuated the gifts that always made him stand out: his passing and playmaking, and perhaps more importantly his ability to think one step ahead of the next defensive adjustment. After shining at the camp, the anxious hours waiting to hear if he was selected turned into a quiet confidence.

“I kept promising myself I wouldn’t get cut, I wouldn’t get cut, and the last opportunity I had to make the state team I didn’t get cut,” Giddey told SB Nation. “I finally got that one email I was waiting for.”

Giddey’s life has been in overdrive ever since. After shining at a subsequent national event, he was offered a scholarship by the NBA Global Academy at the Australian Institute of Sport. Giddey moved across the country to Canberra, where he would spend the next 18 months developing his game and his body while competing against peer-aged competition around the world. The accolades he earned at the academy eventually led Giddey to become the first Australian player to be tabbed for the Next Stars program in the country’s domestic professional league, the NBL.

After one season with the Adelaide 36ers, Giddey is now on his way to the 2021 NBA Draft. The same player who couldn’t separate himself from his peers in Victoria only two years ago is now projected as a likely lottery pick.

Giddey is at once on a meteoric rise and still just scratching the surface. He’s one of the youngest players in the draft and has a case as one of the most accomplished given his production in a pro league against seasoned adults. He is still growing into his body and refining his jump shot while already possessing the type of mental processing gifts that can’t be taught. It has been a wild ride to bring him to the precipice of his NBA dreams, but Giddey isn’t the type to get overwhelmed by the moment.

“It’s just good to see the work paying off,” he said.

Photo by Kelly Barnes/Getty Images

Marty Clarke remembers the first time he identified Giddey as a future prospect to watch during his days as a college assistant coach at WCC power Saint Mary’s. A fellow Australian, Clarke was a former teammate of Josh’s dad, Warrick, who enjoyed a long professional career with the NBL’s Melbourne Tigers and had his No. 6 retired by the club. He saw the traits that could eventually make the young guard the type of player Saint Mary’s would one day want to target, but he knew it was going to be a while before they could do so. Giddey was only 12 years old.

“When I first went to St. Mary’s in 2013, I said coach (Randy) Bennett, there’s a kid I want to put on the board but it will be like seven years before we can get him,” Clarke recalls. “He can really pass with his weak hand. He can pass full court, off the dribble, or from penetration. He was kind of doing a lot of that stuff as a 12-14 year old. Now he’s a 6’8 person who can do that.”

Clarke would eventually get his chance to help develop Giddey in a way neither could have anticipated. When the NBA partnered with the Australian Institute of Sport and Basketball Australia’s Centre of Excellence in 2017 to launch the NBA Global Academy, Clarke left Saint Mary’s to take a job as its technical director. Clarke was the perfect candidate as someone who previously had experience as a coach at the Australian Institute of Sport, and now had familiarity with American college basketball.

The same place that had produced almost every Australian player to reach the NBA — Andrew Bogut, Matthew Dellavedova, Dante Exum, Joe Ingles, Luc Longley, Aron Baynes, and Patty Mills among them — was now further investing in its connection to the league. Clarke would oversee all aspects of player development and coaching for the 12 high school-aged players who were offered a scholarship to the academy.

“We have a really good blue print,” Clarke said. “The Australian academy has been here for 40 years. This is what this place has always been doing, producing Olympians and future NBA players.”

The NBA launched academies in India, Senegal, Mexico, China over the last 10 years as a year-round development initiative for elite youth prospects. Australia’s Global Academy takes teenagers from around the world. In its partnership with the AIS, players with the Global Academy live in dorms and attend classes while preparing them for life as a professional athlete. Instead of trying to win as many games as possible and compete for championships like a college team, the main goal of the academy is individual development.

The players at the Global Academy go to school and training six days per week with only Sundays off. In a typical week, players will be put through regular full team practices, as well as smaller group sessions that focus on things like connecting the bigs to the smalls by drilling pick-and-rolls and post entries. There’s shooting and skill training every morning before school, as well as weight lifting three times per week, and mindfulness training. Spliced in with all of that is education on nutrition, physiology, and personal learning like financial literacy and social media courses.

“Our goal here is when they leave here, they have lots of options,” Clarke said. “We make sure they’re eligible for universities. We want to make sure every door is open when they leave.”

The Global Academy also plays games against peer-aged teams, and that’s where Giddey continued to raise his profile. Giddey would lead the academy to the championship at the prestigious Torneo Junior Ciutat de L’Hospitalet tournament in Spain and was named MVP of the event. He followed it up with a strong showing at Basketball Without Borders during All-Star Weekend last year in Chicago.

“His development since he got here has been off the charts,” Clarke said. “Because he missed that state-level development, he skipped up to another level and had a lot to learn. He jumped a stage, really.”

Giddey’s time at the academy had given him multiple avenues to explore on what he should do next. That’s when he faced the next flashpoint decision in his burgeoning young career: Was he better off going to college in America or staying home to play in Australia?

Photo by Kelly Defina/Getty Images

Giddey had a long list of American college basketball programs who wanted him. He had standing scholarship offers from Arizona, Colorado, Rutgers, St. John’s, and more. After one college visit in particular, Giddey felt like he was ready to commit.

“I was 99 percent set on college,” Giddey said. “I took a visit to Colorado sometime in 2020, when I left there after my two-day visit, I was ready to commit there. I was about to commit there but my parents said just wait to we get home and we’ll talk about it.

“So I went home and we started talking to some people and they started talking about the NBL Next Star pathway. I met with Jeremy Loeliger, who is the CEO of the NBL, and they really sold it to me. The way they take care of their kids, the opportunity you’ll get to play against grown men at such a young age, I thought that was better for me personally than going to college to play against other kids.”

On April 16, 2020, at just 17 years old, Giddey signed with the Adelaide 36ers of the NBL. He had become the first Australian to take advantage of the league’s ‘Next Stars’ program, which was originally intended to lure top American prospects who didn’t want to play college basketball. Former McDonald’s All-Americans Terrance Ferguson and Brian Bowen were two of the first signees of the program, but it was a decision by LaMelo Ball and R.J. Hampton to sign in Australia that helped convince Giddey it was the best path for him.

“They surprised everyone with how good they were, especially LaMelo,” said Giddey. “It was good to see because it was something I wanted to do. I wanted to be an NBL player and eventually an NBA player. To see those guys come through gave me the confidence to think I could hopefully do something similar.”

Going from youth tournaments against peer-aged competition to playing against grown men was an enormous adjustment. Giddey struggled with it at first. The ambitious passes that defined his time at the youth level were often becoming turnovers in more meaningful games. He was ice cold as a shooter to start the year, hitting just 2-of-20 shots from three-point range over his first seven games. The biggest issue was playing through contact on both ends of the floor.

“I was struggling with the physicality of the league,” Giddey said of the start to his time in the NBL. “You don’t realize how physical the league is until you actually play against guys that are 35 years old and strong, athletic, and quick. It was just a completely different level to junior basketball. I was playing at a fast pace the whole time. I was rushed, I was nervous.”

He points to his second game as his initial breakthrough, when he finished with 16 points, 11 rebounds, and seven assists against South East Melbourne, and was trusted to take the final shot in regulation. Even though he missed, the 36ers would win in overtime, and Giddey started every game the rest of the season.

Giddey was masterful at times as a facilitator, firing passes to open shooters in the corner with either hand and finding unique angles to get the ball to the big man near the basket. Starting center Daniel Johnson had one of the best seasons of his career at age-33 with Giddey at the controls, and fellow teammate (and former Kentucky big man) Isaac Humphries turned into a dependable scorer, as well. Giddey’s three-point shot also started to come around eventually, hitting 36.7 percent of his shots from deep those first 20 attempts.

“The big thing for me early in the year was I was so down on confidence,” Giddey said. “I was so worried if I missed what people were going to say, what scouts were going to think. There was a point where I spoke to one of my teammates and he told me all of this doesn’t matter. Just shoot every shot like you think you’re going to make it. That was when it switched for me.”

Before season’s end, Giddey had run off three triple-doubles over a four-game stretch and had firmly established himself as a first round NBA draft pick. Given his age and the level of competition, Giddey was remarkably productive: he averaged 10.9 points, 7.4 rebounds, and a league-leading 7.5 assists per game on 51 percent true shooting.

Those numbers stack up reasonably well to what Ball did in the same league a year earlier as 6’8 playmaking guard at 18 years old. Ball scored more, but slightly less efficiently (47.9 true shooting) while their rebound, assist, and steal numbers were similar. It is worth noting that while Ball was often deemed reckless as a lead decision-maker, Giddey’s turnover rate was significantly highly at 23.7 vs. Ball’s 12.4.

Giddey isn’t as flexible and shifty as a ball handler as LaMelo, but the baseline similarities and statistical profiles in the same league, at the same age will be tempting for teams, especially following Ball’s run to Rookie of the Year after being the No. 3 pick in the 2020 NBA Draft.

“To see how (Ball’s) game translated to the NBA, it’s made me feel even better about my decision,” Giddey said.

The appeal of Giddey for NBA teams starts with his intersection of size and passing. Giddey is an impressive facilitator off a live dribble who will fire passes with either hand while on the move. Against a set defense, Giddey is able to make quick decisions with the ball, and loves to zip a two-handed, overhead pass to his big man in the paint. His interior passing is particularly impressive thanks in part to his ability to leverage his length to find creative angles in tight spaces. The big question for his offensive game will be if he can make opposing defenses respect him enough as a scoring threat to fully unlock his playmaking gifts.

There will be serious questions about Giddey’s athleticism and strength, particularly if he has enough standstill burst to beat his man and force the opposing defense into rotation. Even if Giddey can’t put enough pressure on the rim to be a primary creator, he should be custom-made as a ‘connecting’ piece who can be a secondary facilitator and floor spacer as his jump shot comes around. In Clarke’s eyes, it’s Giddey’s overarching feel for the game that will help him overcome the challenges he sees at the next level.

“He’ll often have quiet first quarters or first halves, and then he’ll have monster second halves,” Clarke said. “He can figure things out on the run, and that’s a skill a lot of players don’t have. He can fix things in game.

“It’s not just feel for the game, it’s feel for the opposition and what they’re trying to do to you. A lot of people have feel for the game when the game is mundane and vanilla. He has feel for the game when it’s chaos going on. He can figure things really quickly.”

As the NBA moves into the pre-draft process, Giddey is widely projected to be taken in the lottery. We had Giddey going No. 14 overall to the Golden State Warriors in our mock draft, while ESPN has him going No. 10 overall to the New Orleans Pelicans.

Giddey’s entrance into the league is also an achievement for the academies the NBA invested in around the world. He’ll be the first male athlete to be drafted into the league after being a full-time academy student. Clarke sees Giddey as the type of player the Australian Institute always dreamed about developing.

“He’s kind of the guy we thought of 30 years ago when we started the program,” said Clarke. “Imagine if we had a whole team of 6’8 guys who are multi-dimensional and can pass, dribble, and shoot, defend multiple positions. We’ll stick one big guy in the middle with four guys like that. Josh is kind of exactly that.

“Coaches always ponder what the future is going to be. I think Josh is what we thought about when I first came here 25 years ago.”

If Giddey embodies the dream of what the AIS always hoped to produce, he also came dangerously close to slipping through the cracks. In the course of just over two years, he has gone from a player who couldn’t make it out of his home state to a possible top-10 NBA draft pick. For a player on such a rapid rise, the next question is the most exciting: how much room to Giddey have to grow from here?

[dawnwave16]

Not what I expected

#1; 2 (here); 3

Chapter 2:

After all one of his contacts had the same eyes, identical in colour, shape and depth. Aaron Hotchner. 

A little known fact about Aaron Hotchner or “Hotch” as he was known to most people was that he had blue eyes. You might think it should be obvious but Hotch had decided early in his career at the FBI that to better protect those he cared about he would wear brown contacts. Only those that worked closely with him or had been around him at work parties knew his eyes were a clear azure blue. Matt was one of those that fell into that category.

“Hey, what is it that has you so distracted? You've been out of it since you went out for that walk. Weren't you trying to clear your head?” Mae was only trying to tease Matt but stopped seeing that he truly wasn't listening to her. She clicked her fingers in front of his face. Matt blinked.

“Did you say something?” he asked, still trying to get his head back in the game.

“Yeah, look are you alright?”

“I need to talk to everyone as soon as this case is done and before we even think of leaving for home.”

“Alright then.” Mae shook her head in confusion. “In the meantime can we get back to the case?”

The evening quickly faded into night and yet another body was found. By the time they made the connections and had a solid lead on a suspect they had a fourth victim and they all felt they were running out of time. When Clara made the connection about it being about love it seemed to trigger a landslide of good news and lucky breaks. The butterflies from the stomach of the fourth victim were linked back to a Butterfly House, which had lead to them finally getting the break they needed and enabled them to finally catch the unsub. It seemed like everyone was glad that the case had finally resolved itself.

As they were making sure they had all their things together, Matt spoke up.

“As you've probably all noticed I've been slightly distracted since I went for my walk to clear my head. Anyway, there is a good reason for that.”

“Oh?” Clara asked, “You sounded surprised when I called you to ask where you were, it was as though you'd lost track of time.”

“I had” Matt admitted. “I was sitting in the park when I heard screaming, I went to get up to go investigate but a local teen, Marinette, advised me not to and sent me to her parents' bakery to make sure I was safe. She said it was an Akuma attack and that her mom would explain what that meant.” Before he team could ask Commissaire Clement, walked in.

“Did you just say that you were near an Akuma attack? Were you hit or affected in any way? We try to keep track of them all so I'm guessing the attack you referring to was the one in the 21st arrondissement.”

“Yes, I was near it but as I've just said to my team I was sent to a bakery to seek shelter and the woman who runs it, Sabine explained what was going on. How did you know that it was the one in that area? Are they not all that common?”

 “It's a fairly common area for them as the high school, Collège Françoise Dupont, is across the road from both Tom & Sabine's and the park. The attacks are fairly common but the only other attack we've had has been “Mr Pigeon” who is a regular one and that one as become so common we bearly noticed it anymore.” Commissaire Clement explained. He seemed almost resigned about the attacks. “We are working with Ladybug to try track down Hawkmoth but so far we seem to be hitting a dead end.”

“Wait, back up a bit.” Jack said, his voice telling everyone he meant business. “what are Akumas, are you using some kind of code so that no-one can understand you?” Matt and Commissaire Clement glanced at each other, sighed and gestured for the team to sit back down.

They then explained what was going on in Paris to the team. Clement even added information that Matt hadn't known, such as the fact that they had an active trace for Akuma butterflies running through all police cameras around the city. They even had a database of victims and flags got raised if the same person got hit more then twice, outside of mass events like Hero's Day and Miricle Queen.

Soon after explaining as much as he could Commissaire Clement was called away leaving the team to think about what they had been told. Since none of the team was making a move to leave now and they hadn't been kicked out of the room, Matt decided to contact Monty. As usual, he answered promptly though he did seem a little confused.

“Hey Matt, I thought the case was finished and that you would be on your way back. What's with the call?”

“Hey Monty is it possible for you to see if Garcia and Hotch are around?” Jack and the rest of the team instantly looked at Matt.

“If you going to drop another bomb on us can you at least give us some warning?�� Mae didn't sound happy as she growled at him.

“I don't know if it is a bomb I'll be dropping. I have a suspicion but no proof and don't want to make a mess by speaking out of turn. The only reason I'm even doing this with everyone here is the person it concerns may need our help.”

“Our help with what?” Hotch had just been linked into the video chat as Matt spoke and he seemed just as confused as everyone else.

“Hi Hotch, I'm probably going to seem like an insensitive idiot for asking this especially around so many people but I have to ask, did you at any stage know a woman named Sabine Cheng?” Matt was nervous as he asked this but he didn't know how else to explain the similarities he had seen in Marinette. Hotch took a minute to reply but when he did it was clear he had never expected to hear her name ever again.

“I did meet a woman with that name, but it was about 16 years ago. I remember she and her husband met Haley and me at a bar one evening. We were in Las Vegas as Sabine's family didn't approve of Tom at all and had some political clout in Paris where they lived. They'd come out to Vegas to get married and have a quick honeymoon before heading home to open a bakery. I don't remember much of that evening as the four of us hit it off pretty well and went drinking together. We all woke up in the same bed but with no idea of how we got there. There wasn't any indication of anything other than sleeping happening so we just shrugged it off, went for breakfast and then went our separate ways. We didn't exchange numbers or anything so there has been no further communication between us. Why do you ask?”

Matt closed his eyes then took a deep breath and spoke as calmly as he could. “Garcia please pull up a photo of one Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”

“Okay,” Garcia's reply was extremely confused but she was used to weird requests. Monty was doing the same thing and Matt knew the second her picture was shown. Hotch let out a choked gasp, Garcia and Monty seemed stunned and once Monty had sent the image to the rest of the team their reaction was equally telling.

“Oh, my” Clara and Mae seemed to murmur in unison, while Jack groaned softly for once grateful that they didn't have to book any flights and that they had their private jet.

“Now I know nothing is confirmed but I think you can all see why I needed to ask if you knew her. I think we should confirm if she is your daughter with a DNA test but I thought you should see why I wanted to talk to you first.” Matt tried not to shock anyone further, understanding that they needed time to process what they had seen.

“How old is she?” Hotch's voice was soft as he asked.

Garcia was the one who answered, though her voice was equally soft, “She's just turned 15 Hotch, I'll send a request to the labs to run a paternity test to confirm it but it seems like you have a teenage daughter.”

“Well,” Hotch said looking up at the IRT through the video chat, “Is there anything else I should know about before I meet her?”

Matt just sighed knowing it was going to be a long day.

[nerianasims]

Billboards #1 1964

Under the cut.

Bobby Vinton – “There! I’ve Said It Again” -- January 4, 1964

*sob* This song is so bad. Is there even a beat at all? It's so slow. It should not be so slow. Vinton sounds both self-satisfied and whiny. It's a love song, I suppose, but this doesn't sound anything like love to me. It sounds like it was created by the Moral Majority. Help, I need someone.

The Beatles – “I Want To Hold Your Hand” -- February 1, 1964

Yeah, I did that on purpose. It's fashionable to hate on The Beatles these days, but I will not be joining in. "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" is not one of their best songs, but if I'd been there at the time, I'd have been screaming my head off for them too. After going through the past couple years of hits, I feel ready to scream for them now. There's a beat. There's forward motion. There's understanding how to sing a song. That wasn't totally lacking on the charts until them -- Ray Charles, after all, and some others -- but what a wasteland it's been generally. The bad stuff has been so very, very bad. Anyway. "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" -- okay song today, but pure oxygen in 1964.

The Beatles – “She Loves You” -- March 21, 1964

This is one of my favorite songs. "Hey idiot, this great girl you thought you lost due to your idiocy still loves you." Implied: Either you go on her knees to get her back or I go after her. And it doesn't sound anything like any #1 I've covered so far. Major interesting bassline, great harmonies, good drums, guitar, everything lines up perfectly.

The Beatles – “Can’t Buy Me Love” -- April 4, 1964

What else is there to say at this point? It's good. It's true. It's romantic. It's fast. McCartney knows how to sing. Notice that none of these three hits in a row are heartbreak songs? There have been way too many of those on this list, and most of them were bad. These songs are happy, and not fake happy. They're driven. They're alive.

Louis Armstrong – “Hello, Dolly!” -- May 9, 1964

The person to finally kick The Beatles down the charts was one of our greatest homegrown artists. It's like people had finally woken up after Bobby Vinton's horrible song in January. Not Louis Armstrong's best, but it's Louis Armstrong. So it's thoroughly enjoyable.

Mary Wells – “My Guy” -- May 16, 1964

Motown is well and truly here. I adore this song. It's sweet without being cloying, the beat is fun, and of course Mary Wells is amazing. And as a woman whose taste in men has never matched up with what I'm supposed to find attractive, and has taken a lot of crap for that, I connect with the song personally.

The Beatles – “Love Me Do” -- May 30, 1964

I think this is the worst of the Beatles' hits so far. Which doesn't make it bad. The harmonica's great. But the lyrics are kinda, well, dumb. Thankfully they're dumb and cheery, not dumb and doleful like so much I've covered.

The Dixie Cups – “Chapel Of Love” -- June 6, 1964

Earworm alert. That hook is a killer. The song gets at the overwhelmed, slightly stunned happiness that comes from getting married. We went to city hall, not to the chapel, but the feeling's the same. I can't say whether I like the song exactly -- the hook is so overpowering, it doesn't really give you a chance. It's in your head now, forever.

Peter & Gordon – “A World Without Love” -- June 27, 1964

The narrator doesn't have a girlfriend so he's going to hide in his room until his true love shows up. Or maybe he was dumped by his true love and therefore is going to hide? It's not very clear, which is unusual for a song written by Paul McCartney. But there's a reason he gave it to someone else. It's actually a fine song, good harmonies, good beat, very teenage sensibility without being annoying. Not too special after the last six songs though.

The Beach Boys – “I Get Around” -- July 4, 1964

I can never hear this without picturing the 1986 film Flight of the Navigator. As usual with Beach Boys songs, the music is excellent and the lyrics are deeply dumb and repetitive. So it's a fun song, but not one I go out of my way to listen to.

The Four Seasons – “Rag Doll” -- July 18, 1964

Gah Frankie Valli's falsetto again. Also it's overproduced. This guy loves a poor girl but his father says nope, she's a poor so you can't marry her, and he just accepts it. I really don't like anything about The Four Seasons.

The Beatles – “A Hard Day’s Night” -- August 1, 1964

My mom and I once rented the movie A Hard Day's Night, and were surprised at how fun it was. (She was a little young to experience the full force of Beatlemania when it hit.) The song written for the movie: Also very fun, and good, and sexy. "But when I get home to you I'll find the things that you do will make me feel all right." Things sure changed fast in 1964.

Dean Martin – “Everybody Loves Somebody” -- August 15, 1964

Dean Martin was constitutionally incapable of being serious. Sometimes his smarm worked. Not here. It could be worse, but it could be a lot better. I'd have been much happier if it had been just about anyone else's version, though Peggy Lee's is my favorite.

The Supremes – “Where Did Our Love Go” -- August 22, 1964

Have you noticed how good pop music suddenly got? It's not just The Beatles. This is a heartbreak song without a hint of schmaltz. It makes you feel better, not worse, and you can even dance to it. But it's still sad. Motown was amazing in its heyday.

The Animals – “The House Of The Rising Sun” -- September 5, 1964

I've loved this song since I was a kid. And I understood it; "gambling causes ruin" is perfectly comprehensible to an 8-year old. It's dark and real, and Eric Burdon's voice and singing give me chills. The keyboard is like nothing I've heard on this list before. I think this might be goth. It's something great, anyway.

Roy Orbison – “Oh, Pretty Woman” -- September 26, 1964

I hate the movie Pretty Woman. A lot. This song became a hit again when the movie came out. Obviously I associate this song with that movie. So I don't have an opinion about the song that's separate from a movie I hate and that Roy Orbison had nothing to do with. I'm passing on this one.

Manfred Mann – “Do Wah Diddy Diddy” -- October 17, 1964

Two number ones in a row about a pretty woman walking down the street. They sort of sound similar in parts too. Anyway, pretty woman walking down the street singing nonsense, narrator ends up making out with and then getting engaged to her. It's silly, and it's okay. "Okay" has a much higher bar than it did just last year.

The Supremes – “Baby Love” -- October 31, 1964

I have a problem with The Supremes, and it's that their first four #1 hits have exactly the same subject matter, and that subject matter is being in love with a man who no longer loves them. After this list, I'm sick of heartbreak songs, and they were never my favorite anyway. Four love songs in a row and I'd have been happy. Dance songs, ditto. But if we must have heartbreak songs, can we have a little righteous anger too? Not just plaintiveness? Anyway, "Baby Love" is a Supremes song, which means if you hear it far apart from their other songs, it's great. When I hear them together like this, though, the formula gets painful.

The Shangri-Las – “Leader Of The Pack” -- November 28, 1964

I hope this song was meant to be funny, because I find it goddamn hilarious. How'd she meet a bad boy whom she knew was sad at the candy store? I like the message that you shouldn't dump your boyfriend solely because your daddy tells you to. But I don't think there's any intended message here. I think it might be a song making fun of the 50s motorcycle bad boy aesthetic and all those "girlfriend/boyfriend died" schmaltzfests people suffered through.

Lorne Greene – “Ringo” -- December 5, 1964

A baritone spoken word piece about a Western outlaw. I doubt it would have gone anywhere if Ringo Starr hadn't been named Ringo. It's probably good for its genre, since Lorne Greene was a good actor, but I can't tell.

The Supremes – “Come See About Me” -- December 19, 1964

It doesn't sound like a heartbreak song, but of course it is. And a super severe one; she gave up all her friends for him, and then he left her too. But she still wants him back. Eesh. Of course Diana Ross doesn't sound sad singing it, because she never sounds really sad singing these songs. The technique obviously worked, but the more I think about it, the more I don't like it. It's a really good song. And not for me, now that I've actually thought this much about it.

The Beatles – “I Feel Fine” -- December 26, 1964

A sitar has been spotted! Anyway, he and his baby are in love, and he brags about buying her diamond rings. The Beatles never had any shame about buying the women in their songs stuff to make them happy. I like that. And I like this song.

BEST OF 1964: "My Guy". Yep, not a Beatles song. This is thoroughly subjective, after all. But what a lot of great songs there were this year, and how relieved I am to be able to say that. WORST OF 1964: "There! I've Said It Again", overwhelmingly.

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

Click, Click

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4 , 5 , 6 , 7, 8 , 9 , 10 , 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20

Chapter Twenty-One:

You were starting to think that maybe you just didn’t really know how to function as a human again without Jihoon being right there. As soon as you got back into the lull of your life it was kind of hard to keep yourself on rails.

You were trying to recommit yourself to everything, but for some reason, it was a little difficult to remain motivated to do everything that was on your plate. Even if everything was only a handful of things. You weren’t sure exactly why, but classes were such a chore to go to, even if you enjoyed them, and loved to learn what they were teaching.

Even clocking in to work was a bit of a hassle. Which was always a surprise to you as work tended to be a bit of a breather from your otherwise complicated life.

Either way you still pushed yourself.

It was easier to motivate yourself to just… Do what you needed to do when you remembered that Jihoon cared about you, even if you didn’t get to see him a whole lot. Even if you didn’t understand why he did, or what you had done to deserve his affection.

Somedays, honestly, it made you a little worse, to wonder too much about why he wasted his time with you. Sure, you were great in a lot of ways… But you were awful in a lot of ways too, and that wasn’t something that could be easily overlooked.

One thing that you tried to do- as a distraction, was throw yourself back into work. You picked up some extra hours- ignoring the way that Jeongin chided you for that- and fell back into a lull of your life.

It was interesting, to find a balance that fit everything. Your friends, work, the club, and Jihoon… If you weren’t careful, didn’t perfectly run all of your activities through your mind to make sure nothing conflicted and you had factored in all of the things you ought to good done, then everything could come crumbling down.

You wondered how you managed to keep this busy when you were in a foreign country. You felt like it should be harder, considering when you had first arrived you hadn’t really known anyone.

“Hey, so for the performance tonight, do you think you could help walk everyone to the venue?” Caitlin asked, glancing up at you from her phone. You hummed and nodded uncertainly.

“Should be fine. Wouldn’t want anyone to get lost,” you agreed. You thought over who all was performing that night and silently counted of in your head everyone you would need to keep accounted for.

“I’m excited that we are doing a collab with Kwangsun’s busking group,” Cailtin commented. “It was so nice of them to ask us to do this with them.”

“Their Youtube fans will really appreciate it,” you commented softly, but you couldn’t help the smile that spread across your lips. “But I’m really excited to see Sunny again.”

Jubilee had come to class one morning with a boy in tow, the largest smile on her face, only mirrored on everyone else’s when they recognized who it was.

Kwangsun was fairly popular with you and your friends, because he had a group that did busking on the streets in Korea. He, in particular, was your favorite in the group due to his sunny personality and his duality- So when he had walked into the classroom, you almost couldn’t believe your eyes.

You didn’t trust yourself to talk to people you looked up to- famous or not- and somethings never really changed no matter how long you spent in Korea, literally meeting your idols at every turn. So, when the taller, and objectively attractive boy walked into the room you had buried yourself in your own scribbles, copying your notes down from one notebook to another to keep your mind busy, and to make it look like you were busier than you really were.

Of course, you hadn’t been able to stay distracted by your own handwriting for too long.

“Well, we could try to do a performance with you guys, that would be so much fun,” Caitlin was saying excitedly. Julia had squealed, and you could hear the shuffle of the two grabbing one another’s hands. You risked a glance up, regretting it as soon as you made eye contact with Kwangsun.

You looked away from him, your grip tightening on your pencil. You didn’t want to be a part of the conversation, but you knew that if you didn’t speak up- make it happen- it never would.

“What about a month from now? I’ll help arrange the collabs too.”

“We should do a duet together,” Kwangsun had suggested immediately after. It was so sudden that you looked up in surprise, your eyebrows raising towards him. “As the two leaders of our respected groups of course.”

You honestly hadn’t been too sure how excited you were to do a solo with a guy alone, but of course, you had agreed. How could you say no to him? That sweet smile, the eager squeals of your friends at the simple suggestion. You should be excited after all. It would be fun to dance with him! You knew you would enjoy it. Well, you were fairly sure you would as he got your phone number, saying he would think about what you two should do. But you only became less sure when he texted you that night:

What about Now by Troublemaker?

But let’s do the beginning Dahye did since we won’t have backup dancers.

You looked up the performance he had been talking about and your mouth nearly went dry.

Had you ever been that sexual in your life? If you had, then you were positive you had never done so for a performance before. It was a lot and required a lot of trust in the partner.

Of course, you didn’t think Kwangsun was going to do anything to you, but god it definitely required you to be good at being sexy, and you weren’t nearly that confident in yourself.

Even so, you had tentatively agreed, figuring this was just another instance of you letting your own insecurities get ahead of yourself. You should push yourself after all, do things you weren’t comfortable with so that you could be more comfortable with them in the future.

So, you started to learn the dance.

You practiced on your own in Japan between… Everything else and tried not to think too much about having to actually perform this with Kwangsun.

“Y/n!”

You jumped slightly when the older boy popped around the corner, his signature sunny smile spread over his lips. You smiled back at him uncertainly.

“Ah, Kwangsun-”

“Call me Sunny,” he stated off-handedly. “You ready for practice?”

Kwangsun was similar to Jeongin in a way that made you think maybe you had a type. They were both insistent on spending time with you, weirdly patient, and would jestingly criticize you for not taking enough care of yourself or for running late… You figured that if Jihoon wasn’t an idol, spending time with him would be a lot like spending time with them. Except… Different.

You knew where you stood with Jihoon… For the most part. And you were positive of your relationship with Jeongin, but Kwangsun. He was a whole different story.

The difference between him and Jihoon was simple. Jihoon was an idol- untouchable- whereas Kwangsun was like, someone from your high school who was really popular. He walked among you every day, knew the names of everyone in your class, and invited everyone out for dinner because we just don’t hang out enough.

It was like he was everybody’s best friend, and on top of that, he was a celebrity. In essence, at least. In some senses, people held Kwangsun above that of other idols, because they could be friends with Kwangsun. But the idea of befriending someone from, say, Seventeen was some crazy pipe dream.

Maybe that was why he wasn’t such a big deal to you. Sure, you had never been one to idolize idols too much more than yourself, but you figured that you probably still wouldn’t have been that impressed by him.

But what made it all even more… Interesting was that Kwangsun was particularly interested in you. Even though everyone during group practices should be a focus, Kwangsun always tended to gravitate towards you. He asked you when everyone should separate for a break, or what you wanted to do next. He messed with you during stretches and dragged you with him to find water.

Sure, some of it was just… Leader stuff. But when he texted you every day just wanting to know what exactly you were up to, but never responded to anyone else in-class when they messaged him, it was a bit more difficult to say that it was just a leader thing.

Still, you were feeling yourself get more comfortable around it- it was after all easy to convince yourself that it was all in your head when you got to know him better. Sure maybe someone could glance at you and think you were attractive, but once they got to know what you were like around other people, you couldn’t imagine they would ever deem you as a dateable person.

You listened idly as Kwangsun counted off beats under his breath, you humming along to the song as you moved. Right foot, left foot, shimmy, hip, shoulder, spin. This choreography was pretty heavy on the hips and the amount of time that you had spent just watching yourself sway your hips from side to side in the mirror was ridiculous. Any time that Kwangsun called for a break of any sort you just, turned your attention to your reflection, hands above your head, trying to make your movements look as fluid as possible.

Then it was back at it.

The worst part about the dance itself was that you were a clumsy kid and being this close to Kwangsun you were just constantly worried that you would hit him. He placed his hands on your hips and you ran your movements through your mind at super speed, trying to make sure you didn’t mess up a single part.

“You okay?” Kwangsun would mumble, his breath huffing softly against your cheek as you both ran slowly through the choreography. His hand always hovered just over yours when you two went through it slowly. You knew he was worried about stepping over any lines with you. He was considerate, wanted to ensure your comfort above all.

It sort of annoyed you. If he wanted to do a sexy choreography with you- you placed your hand over his, pushing it against your body- he needed to just commit.

“Maybe we should call it a day,” Kwangsun mumbled with a laugh after you two ran through the dance at full speed once again. “We’ve been at it for hours.”

You nodded, breathing in soft pants as you stopped doing the dance move you had been quietly running through.

“You think it’s good enough?” You murmured.

“You look great,” he replied and honestly you could almost see the stars in his eyes.

You rolled your eyes to pass off the compliment and shifted your shoulders, stretching out your arms distractedly.

“I’ll practice some more on my own,” you stated. He came up behind you, placing his head on your shoulder. He smiled at you two’s reflection in the mirror.

“You don’t need to practice at all,” he mumbled. “You are perfect.”

You snorted again, not sure exactly how to react to that. So instead of reacting, you pushed away from him.

“I’ll be perfect, with more practice,” you stated softly. You leaned forward and brushed your hair out of your face as you started the video once again, intent on figuring out exactly what steps you were missing. You did your first move, only to be stopped by a hand being placed on your shoulder.

“Wow, you truly are intense,” he mumbled. You looked over at him, your eyebrows furrowing.

“What?” You asked.

“You’re intense,” he replied pointedly. “That’s what everyone always says. You don’t stop practicing until you drop dead.”

You ignored his words and started to go back to the dance, jumping right into the choreography, murmuring the words under your breath as you moved. Kwangsun shook his head and whistled.

“What would your boyfriend say?”

That caught you off guard. You stumbled in the middle of your steps and looked at him with wide eyes, trying your best to keep any semblance of cool that you could.

“What?”

You wondered who told, what you needed to say next…. But, of course, before you could think too much about it, Kwangsun raised an eyebrow.

“Well, you know… Unless you don’t have a boyfriend.”

Maybe it was worse, that you were relieved to hear him say that instead of mentioning that he knew that Jihoon was your boyfriend. You laughed- maybe a little too aggressively but you were just so relieved that you weren’t outed.

“What even is a boyfriend?” You asked you waved your hands through the air. “Boyfriend, that was funny Sunny. That was funny.”

Kwangsun snickered at your violent reaction, putting his hands on his hips.

“You sure are defensive about this aren’t you?” He asked softly. You shrugged and straightened up.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you stated pointedly, crossing your arms over your chest.

He hummed and nodded, coming closer to you, his face getting close to yours. When you guys practiced this in the dance, it was a whole other story. A completely different set of circumstances. You guys were dancing after all. In essence acting.

It wasn’t real life. It wasn’t like you thought you guys would actually kiss. You knew you never would.

And yet, here in this moment, the closer that Kwangsun got to you…

“You know, I really like it when you say that nickname,” he murmured. Your breath hitched, but the action was in surprise, not in anything else.

“I’m not the only one who calls you that,” you stated, stuttering nervously over your words. You started to back away from Kwangsun, unsure of what else to do. Kwangsun smiled, not seeming to realize that you were backing away because of uncertainty.

“Yeah, but you’re the only one who makes my heart skip a beat when you do,” he replied.

Your back hit the dance room mirror, and in surprise, you placed your hands on its cold surface. Oh god, how had you gotten into this situation? How had you been so careless? You knew better than to let yourself be in a room alone with a guy. You knew that it could get you into bad situations, and you were dumb and susceptible to outside influence.

You swallowed hard, your heart racing as Kwangsun grew closer to you. He placed a hand on your wrist, his thumb soothingly caressing your wrist.

“I, uh, I know it’s probably a bad time to say it, but when is there ever a good time? Y/n… I sort of have a crush on you,” he murmured softly. He got a little shy as he spoke. “It’s just that… I don’t know. You’re really nice and passionate. Your smile lights up a room- when you decide to smile- and I kind of want to have that smile around for as long as I can.”

His face grew closer to yours, his gaze meeting yours once again.

“Is that… Is that okay?” He asked. You nervously held his gaze, unsure of what you could possibly say to him.

“I, uh-”

Jesus Christ. You had literally never rejected anyone properly before in your life. You were so nonconfrontational. So incapable of expressing emotions or letting people down or anything of the sort.

“Kwangsun, you’re nice and I, uh-”

He just kept getting closer, clearly not expecting a rejection. His mouth came closer to yours; his lips were so close to yours that you thought for a moment that it would happen. Just a few more millimeters and his lips would-

“I can’t kiss you,” you blurted, almost frantically. Kwangsun froze, his eyebrows furrowing a little bit in surprise.

“Wh-”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you exclaimed. “I just, I’m in love with someone else and I wish I didn’t because you’re a really great person…”

As you rambled, Kwangsun started to back away from you, his hands leaving your body entirely. This time, you were the one following him a bit.

“And I really want to be able to return your affections. I mean you’re attractive and kind and-”

“But you like someone else,” Kwangsun interrupted. You were expecting hate in his eyes, but instead of that, you were met with something… Almost scarier. Understanding? “It’s okay, it really is. I mean, we don’t control the wills of our hearts, do we?”

He chuckled and raised his hand to the back of his neck. You knew he was trying to reassure you, but…. It really just stung more. You felt your face beginning to warm, tears stinging at the back of your eyes.

“I am so sorry.”

A confused expression spread over his face.

“Why are you sorry? Don’t be sorry. You’re doing nothing wrong.”

Tears started to roll down your cheeks, a wrecked look spread over your face. You did nothing wrong? Nothing? How could that be true when you weren’t able to return feelings to Kwangsun that he was feeling.

Kwangsun looked absolutely wrecked when he realized you were crying. He surged forward, his arms wrapping around you tightly, pushing your face into his chest.

“Why are you crying? Oh my god, don’t cry. It’s not your fault.”

And now you were even worse. Why were you crying? When Kwangsun was the one who should be crying, or upset, you just rejected him. You just rejected someone else and you were the one crying.

God you hated yourself. Were you really this self-centered? Were you crying for pity? So that Kwangsun just couldn’t be mad at you. He should be pissed at you, not hugging you. Oh my god, why were you crying? And why was it so hard to stop?

“Stop crying y/n, it’s okay, you have no reason to cry. I can’t force you to like me,” he murmured softly, his nose brushing your hair. He pushed you back after a second, giving you that sunny smile that made you like him in the first place. “Don’t stress about being what I want you to be okay? Just be yourself.”

You smiled and nodded slowly.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll try,” you assured softly.

Jihoon. God, you really needed to see Jihoon. More than literally anything else you needed to see him again, and hold his hand, and kiss his lips and know that you were loved, and you loved him and that things in the world made sense. Because when your hands were on him things just made more sense.

But you couldn’t be with Jihoon right now. You weren’t sure when you could see him next and that stung almost as much as this did.

“But know,” he mumbled softly. “Know that I won’t stop trying to win your heart.”

You were shocked back to the present, your eyes widening as your gaze caught his again.

“I like you. A lot. I won’t let you just slip away because you like some mystery man.”

He gave you a large bright smile and patted you gently on your head.

“You should get home,” he told you softly. He turned away from you and grabbed his backpack, swinging it over his shoulder. “I’ll see you okay?”

You watched in silence as he left the room, unsure of what you could say. In the end, you just smiled unsurely and nodded once.

You groaned as soon as the door was shut behind you. God, you couldn’t believe this.

Fuck it, you needed to see Jihoon. You needed to see him now.

Chapter Twenty-Two

[birdlord]

Every Book I Read in 2019

This was a heavier reading year for me (heavier culture-consumption year in general) partly because my partner started logging his books read, and then, of course, it’s a competition.

01 Morvern Callar; Alan Warner - One of the starkest books I’ve ever read. What is it about Scotland that breeds writers with such brutal, distant perspectives on life? Must be all the rocks. 

02 21 Things You Might Not Know About the Indian Act; Bob Joseph - I haven’t had much education in Canada’s relationship to the Indigenous nations that came before it, so this opened things up for me quite a bit. The first and most fundamental awakening is to the fact that this is not a story of progress from worse to better (which is what a simplistic, grade school understanding of smallpox blankets>residential schools>reserves would tell you), in fact, the nation to nation relationship of early contact was often superior to what we have today. I wish there was more of a call to action, but apparently a sequel is on its way. 

03 The Plot Against America; Philip Roth - An alternative history that in some ways mirrors our present. I did feel like I was always waiting for something to happen, but I suppose the point is that, even at the end of the world, disasters proceed incrementally. 

04 Sabrina; Nick Drnaso - The blank art style and lack of contrast in the colouring of each page really reinforces the feeling of impersonal vacancy between most of the characters. I wonder how this will read in the future, as it’s very much based in today’s relationship to friends and technology. 

05 Perfumes: The Guide; Luca Turn & Tania Sanchez - One of the things I like to do when I need to turn my brain off online is reading perfume reviews. That’s where I found out about this book, which runs through different scent families and reviews specific well-known perfumes. Every topic has its boffins, and these two are particularly witty and readable. 

06 Adventures in the Screen Trade; William Goldman - Reading this made me realize how little of the cinema of the 1970s I’ve actually seen, beyond the usual heavy hitters. Ultimately I found this pretty thin, a few peices of advice stitched together with anecdotes about a Hollywood that is barely recognizable today. 

07 The Age of Innocence; Edith Wharton - A love triangle in which the fulcrum is a terribly irritating person, someone who thinks himself far more outré than he is. Nonetheless, I was taken in by this story of “rebellion”, such as it was, to be compelling.

08 Boom Town: The Fantastical Saga of Oklahoma City, Its Chaotic Founding, Its Apocalyptic Weather, Its Purloined Basketball Team, and the Dream of Becoming a World-class Metropolis; Sam Anderson - Like a novel that follows various separate characters, this book switches between tales of the founding of Oklahoma City with basketball facts and encounters with various oddball city residents. It’s certainly a fun ride, but you may find, as I did, that some parts of the narrative interest you more than others. Longest subtitle ever?

09 World of Yesterday; Stefan Zweig - A memoir of pre-war Austria and its artistic communities, told by one of its best-known exports. Particularly wrenching with regards to the buildup to WWII, from the perspective of those who had been through this experience before, so recently. 

10 Teach us to Sit Still: A Sceptic’s Search for Health and Healing; Tim Parks - A writer finds himself plagued by pain that conventional doctors aren’t able to cure, so he heads further afield to see if he can use stillness-of-mind to ease the pain, all the while complaining as you would expect a sceptic to do. His digressions into literature were a bit hard to take (I’m sure you’re not Coleridge, my man).

11 The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences have Extraordinary Impact; Chip & Dan Heath - I read this for work-related reasons, with the intention of improving my ability to make exhibitions and interpretation. It has a certain sort of self-helpish structure, with anecdotes starting each chapter and a simple lesson drawn from each one. Not a bad read if you work in a public-facing capacity. 

12 Against Everything: Essays; Mark Greif - The founder of N+1 collects a disparate selection of essays, written over a period of several years. You won’t love them all, but hey, you can always skip those ones!

13 See What I Have Done; Sarah Schmidt - A retelling of the Lizzie Borden story, which I’d seen a lot of good reviews for. Sadly this didn’t measure up, for me. There’s a lot of stage setting (rotting food plays an important part) but there’s not a lot of substance there. 

14 Like a Mother: A Feminist Journey Through the Science and Culture of Pregnancy; Angela Garber - This is another one that came to me very highly recommended. Garber seems to think these topics are not as well-covered as they are, but she does a good job researching and retelling tales of pregnancy, birth, postpartum difficulties and breastfeeding. 

15 Rebecca; Daphne du Maurier - This was my favourite book club book of the year. I’d always had an impression of...trashiness I guess? around du Maurier, but this is a classic thriller. Maybe the first time I’ve ever read, rather than watched, a thriller! That’s on me. 

16 O’Keefe: The Life of an American Legend; Jeffrey Hogrefe - I went to New Mexico for the first time this spring, and a colleague lent me this Georgia O’Keefe biography after I returned. I hadn’t known much about her personal life before this, aside from what I learned at her museum in Santa Fe. The author has made the decision that much of O’Keefe’s life was determined by childhood incest, but doesn’t have what you might call….evidence?

17 A Lost Lady; Willa Cather - A turn-of-the-20th century story about an upper-class woman and her young admirer Neil. I’ve never read any other Cather, but this felt very similar to the Wharton I also read this year, which I gather isn’t typical of her. 

18 The Year of Living Danishly: My Twelve Months of Unearthing the Secrets of the World’s Happiest Country; Helen Russell - A British journalist moves to small-town Denmark with her husband, and although the distances are not long, there’s a considerable culture shock. Made me want to eat pastries in a BIG WAY. 

19 How Not to be a Boy; Robert Webb - The title gives a clue to the framing device of this book, which is fundamentally a celebrity memoir, albeit one that largely ignores the celebrity part of his life in favour of an examination of the effects of patriarchy on boys’ development as human beings. 

20 The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will be Glad that You Did); Philippa Perry; A psychotherapist’s take on how parents’ own upbringing affects the way they interact with their own kids. 

21 The Library Book; Susan Orlean - This book has stuck with me more than I imagined that it would. It covers both the history of libraries in the USA, and the story of the arson of the LA Public Library’s central branch in 1986. 

22 We Are Never Meeting in Real Life; Samantha Irby - I’ve been reading Irby’s blog for years, and follow her on social media. So I knew the level of raunch and near body-horror to expect in this essay collection. This did fill in a lot of gaps in terms of her life, which added a lot more blackness (hey) to the humour. 

23 State of Wonder; Ann Patchett - A semi-riff on Heart of Darkness involving an OB/GYN who now works for a pharmaceutical company, heading to the jungle to retrieve another researcher who has gone all Colonel Kurtz on them. I found it a bit unsatisfying, but the descriptions were, admittedly, great. 

24 Disappearing Earth; Julia Phillips - A story of an abduction of two girls in very remote Russia, each chapter told by another townsperson. The connections between the narrators of each chapter are sometimes obvious, but not always. Ending a little tidy, but plays against expectations for a book like this. 

25 Ethan Frome; Edith Wharton - I gather this is a typical high school read, but I’d never got to it. In case you’re in the same boat as me, it’s a short, mildly melodramatic romantic tragedy set in the new england winter. It lacks the focus on class that other Whartons have, but certainly keeps the same strong sense that once you’ve made a choice, you’re stuck with it. FOREVER. 

26 Educated; Tara Westover - This memoir of a Mormon fundamentalist-turned-Academic-superstar was huge on everyone’s reading lists a couple of years back, and I finally got to it. It felt similar to me in some ways to the Glass Castle, in terms of the nearly-unbelievable amounts of hell she and her family go through at the hands of her father and his Big Ideas. I found that it lacked real contemplation of the culture shock of moving from the rural mountain west to, say, Cambridge. 

27 Dead Wake: The Last Crossing of Lusitania; Erik Larson - I’m a sucker for a story of a passenger liner, any non-Titanic passenger liner, really. Plus Lusitania’s story has interesting resonances for the US entry into WWI, and we see the perspective of the U-boat captain as well as people on land, and Lusitania’s own passengers and crew. 

28 The Birds and Other Stories; Daphne du Maurier - The title story is the one that stuck in my head most strongly, which isn’t any surprise. I found it much more harrowing than the film, it had a really effective sense of gradually increasing dread and inevitability. 

29 Someone Who Will Love You in All Your Faded Glory; Raphael Bob-Waksberg - Hit or miss in the usual way of short story collections, this book has a real debt to George Saunders. 

30 Sex & Rage; Eve Babitz - a sort of pseudo-autobiography of an indolent life in the LA scene of the 1970s. It was sometimes very difficult to see how the protagonist actually felt about anything, which is a frequent, acute symptom of youth. 

31 Doctor Fischer of Geneva or The Bomb Party; Graham Greene - Gotta love a book with an alternate title built in. This is a broad (the characters? are, without exception, insane?!) satire about a world I know little about. I don’t have a lot of patience or interest in Greene’s religious allegories, but it’s a fine enough story. 

32 Lathe of Heaven; Ursula K LeGuin - Near-future sci-fi that is incredibly prescient about the effects of climate change for a book written over forty years ago. The book has amazing world-building, and the first half has the whirlwind feel of Homer going back in time, killing butterflies and returning to the present to see what changes he has wrought. 

33 The Grammarians; Cathleen Schine - Rarely have I read a book whose jacket description of the plot seems so very distant from what actually happens therein. 

34 The Boy Kings: A Journey Into the Heart of the Social Network; Katharine Losse - Losse was one of Facebook’s very earliest employees, and she charts her experience with the company in this memoir from 2012. Do you even recall what Facebook was like in 2012? They hadn’t even altered the results of elections yet! Zuck was a mere MULTI-MILLIONAIRE, probably. Were we ever so young?

35 Invisible Women; Caroline Ciado Perez - If you want to read a book that will make you angry, so angry that you repeatedly assail whoever is around with facts taken from it, then this, my friend, is the book for you. 

36 The Hidden World of the Fox; Adele Brand - A really charming look at the fox from an ecologist who has studied them around the world. Much of it takes place in the UK, where urban foxes take on a similar ecological niche that raccoons famously do where I live, in Toronto. 

37 S; Doug Dorst & JJ Abrams - This is a real mindfuck of a book, consisting of a faux-old novel, with marginalia added by two students which follows its own narrative. A difficult read not because of the density of prose, but the sheer logistics involved: read the page, then the marginalia? Read the marginalia interspersed with the novel text? Go back chapter by chapter? I’m not sure that either story was worth the trouble, in the end. 

38 American War; Omar El Akkad - This is not exclusively, but partially a climate-based speculative novel, or, grossly, cli-fi for short. Ugh, what a term! But this book is a really tight, and realistic look at the results of a fossil-fuels-based second US Civil War. 

39 Antisocial: Online Extremists, Techno-Utopians, and the Hijacking of the American Conversation; Andrew Marantz - This is the guy you’ll hear on every NPR story talking about his semi-embedding within the Extremely Online alt-right. Most of the figures he profiles come off basically how you’d expect, I found his conclusions about the ways these groups have chosen to use online media tools to achieve their ends the most illuminating part. 

40 Wilding: The Return of Nature to a British Farm; Isabella Tree - This is the story of a long process of transitioning a rural acreage (more of an estate than a farm, this is aristocratic shit) from intensive agriculture to something closer to wild land. There are long passages where Tree (ahem) simply lists species which have come back, which I’m sure is fascinating if you are from the area, but I tended to glaze over a bit. Experts from around the UK and other European nations weigh in on how best to rewild the space, which places the project in a wider context. 

FICTON: 17     NONFICTION: 23

[i-am-not-anon]

Under the eye of an institution

Part 10 (we have come a long way..)

Summary: Logan and Patton (both 16), as older students, are expected to look after two groups of freshmen in Watersouth boarding school for boys. Both of them despise the tradition of bullying that is subjected to the newcomers by older students in their school. The two respectively get a student in their groups who is a little different from the ordinary crowd: Roman and Virgil (both 15).

Author’s note: Hey, I’m back! Special thanks for those who pre-read this chapter and commented on it, you really helped me finish this chapter! There’s going to be some new conflict between our students, but don’t stress about it... or should you?

Triggers: General bullying, abuse and violence, violent punishments, panic attacks, self-deprecation, name-calling, i n s t i t u t i o n 

Other parts here

...

“So, what did Simons exactly do to you?” Logan questioned, shifting his legs as he stood before the two younger boys. His emotions rarely affected his body language, but now he kept pacing around and fixing his glasses, which already were perfectly standing on the bridge of his nose. And he wasn’t the only one, whose nervousness was noticeable. 

“Don’t ask me, sir,” Roman squeaked, taking a step back that he was almost hiding behind Daniel. “I wasn’t telling you anything. He was,” Roman pointed at his friend.

Daniel sighed. “He’s afraid because Simons made him swear he won’t tell this to you, sir.”

Logan nodded. “I see. So I have to pose as if I never heard any of this? Makes things more complicated to a degree, but I’m sure I can handle it. Roman, I assure you no soul excluding the three of us will find out if you disclose that information to me.”

Roman let out a breath. “Um, he told me how much he hates me and how disgusting I am, then took a grip of my hair and flipped me around in the air.” The poor boy lifted his hand to his curls, gently brushing them to not hurt his sore scalp. 

“I see.” Logan frowned, trying to remain calm. “And what for did he punish you like that?”

“For, because I was the goalie and I missed so many times and then we lost, and he was in my team,” Roman rambled, looking at the ground.

“What kind of atrocity!” Logan was shocked. “That has nothing to do with the school rules whatsoever!” The older student straightened his collar in a frustrated movement. “Did any other person in the losing team receive similar treatment?”

“No, sir,” Daniel answered, being the one who had been able to observe the situation better. “After being done with Roman, Mr. Simons walked back to the field and seemed to have no intentions to punish anyone else.” 

Logan leaned his hand on his desk, trying to regain control over his feelings. Why was he suddenly so taken aback by a punishment fairly common in this terrible school? Well, at least common for the tutors that were the most violent. He sat back on his seat, where he had been interrupted from doing his homework a few moments ago. “Please, take a seat both of you, I need a moment to contemplate this,” the older student advised, gesturing the boys towards his neatly made bed.

Daniel and Roman sat down, the former still protectively holding the latter. Roman didn't mind that, leaning his head on Daniel's shoulder while waiting for Logan to figure something out. It was nice to have one good friend, at least. They had known each other for barely two weeks but it felt like a much longer time. 

….

Virgil sat in the second most comfortable sofa of the library, reading a collection of short novels while listening to a relaxing playlist. He had finished his homework already, and tried to focus on the story instead of the welling homesickness inside him. Oh, how he missed his brother. Why did he have to be exactly three years older than Virgil, so that he just had finished this school when Virgil came in? Emile was in university now, studying his beloved psychology. He had been the one to support Virgil when he had felt his worst, and helped him to get the therapist he had urgently needed.

The young boy sighed, putting his book away. Emile was the person he loved most in this whole world. He also was the only person excluding his parents who he was comfortable getting a hug from. Virgil felt the tears coming, but there was nobody watching so he let them fall. 

Because there definitely were people who cared for him and who he deeply loved, but why did they have to be so far away?

…

Logan almost felt steam coming out of his ears as he wrote notes about which teacher would be the most likely to actually take action in making sure only the respective tutors took care of their students. That was part of the school rules, but in reality nobody really made sure it was practiced accordingly. Once again, the teachers didn’t really care as long as it caused no interruption to their classes. 

List of teachers 

Mr. Brass- would only encourage more punishments

Mr. Wilson- would scold the culprit for a minute, but not make big enough deal about it

Mr. Houston- is always too tired to care

Mr. Higgins- has little authority

Mr. Atkinson- very lawful, might actually be irritated about Simons not following the rule

The list went on, but no better choice was presented than Mr. Atkinson. Logan sighed quietly, remembering Roman and Daniel were still sitting on his bed, chatting quietly to each other. 

“Boys, you can go continue your afternoon. It will take me a moment to figure this problem out in its entirety, and in the meanwhile I would instruct you to stay away from Simons.” Logan scratched the back of his neck. “I know it’s not solving anything, just a temporary solution until we get him actually responsible of his actions. I hope you a relaxing rest of the day.”

Daniel and Roman glanced at each other, then getting up and walking to the door. “Thanks, Mr. Andrews,” Daniel nodded his head as they got out of the room. 

“You’re welcome, boys.”

...

The next morning began with chemistry classes for both Roman and Virgil. The latter waited further away in the hall until the others had entered the class. That way, he hoped, Roman would not see him and therefore forget to insult him. He still had to think which would be more effective way to get past it when leaving, though; leaving earliest or latest. He could think about it during the class. 

“Alright, boys,” Mr. Houston called their attention. “I’m giving you a group project that will be presented next week-” He shot a frustrated glance at Roman, who had cheered in a hushed voice, “and I’m assigning the groups.” Mr. Houston payed no attention to Roman’s groan, but became naming the boys who had been paired together. 

“George and Matts, Isaac and Daniel, Roman and Virgil...” 

Virgil crushed the piece of paper he had been holding in his hand. This was so unfair. And Mr. Houston wouldn’t bat an ear to any compliments about the pairings because “You have to learn to work with all kinds of people for your future” He ignored Roman, who moved his desk next to his and greeted excitedly. 

What an idiot.

Roman kept trying to get Virgil’s attention, talking to him or sometimes poking his side. At first he tried to be nice and work with the quiet boy, but as his partner kept turning his back on him and not answering on how they should start the work, Roman began annoying him more and more. 

“I thought you stuttered, and wasn’t mute, stupid,” 

poke to the side

Roman whispered to Virgil’s ear, leaning way closer than Virgil preferred. “Or did you go deaf, too? We gotta do this project!”

Virgil moved slightly further away, continuing to look at the textbook page but not being able to concentrate. He hated Roman So. Much.

Roman stretched over to smear the face Virgil was looking at on the book with his pen. He grinned victoriously, as Virgil finally turned to look at him. 

“L-l-l-eave m-me al-a-al-alone!”

Roman tilted his head, still grinning maliciously. “O-o-oh? S-s-so no-no-now you can s-sp-s-s-pe-spe-speak?”

Virgil striked Roman on his face, and Roman’s chair crashed loudly on the floor as he fell down more out of surprise than the power of the punch. “Ow!!” In a second, he lunged on Virgil, who had stood up and almost managed to dodge the other boy, sending them both tumbling on the floor, where they continued fighting. Mr. Houston shouted at them, and when it didn’t seem to cause any kind of reaction, he had to separate them by force and held them up by their collars. 

“WHAT was that?”

The teacher shouted in such a volume, that Virgil held his ears. Mr. Houston began dragging the boys to the door, handling them roughly. He muttered something along the lines of “Hasn’t happened in three years” And quickly instructed the rest of the class to continue working and better behave while he was gone.

…

Mr. Wilson, having been teaching the older group Linear Algebra, opened the classroom door after hearing the angry knocks. He looked confused for a second, finding his workmate holding two yonger students apart by their collars, but stepped to the side to let him look inside. Teacher Higgins stepped one foot in the class, looking around with annoyance, as if he had been the one getting in trouble. 

“Logan Andrews, Patton Sawyer! Your students started a fight in my class and interrupted it greatly. I reckon you two do something about this, I need to get back to my work.”

Logan and Patton glanced at each other, and quickly collected their things to get outside. Mr. Wilson gave them the rest of the exercises to complete later, and now they were faced with two pouting students in the hall. 

“Virgil?” 

Patton looked so betrayed, that Virgil finally felt the guilt stinging in his chest. But it didn’t stop him from glaring at Roman with all the hate he could possibly gather.

Logan frowned at the two. “Roman, why did you hit Virgil?”

“Oh!!!???? I hit the poor Virgil?? He started it!” Roman screamed, pointing at the boy. There was about 3 feet between them, and Virgil didn’t bother to look up.

“Did you, Virgil?” Patton stepped closer, but Virgil stayed silent. He wouldn’t say a word when the Idiot was present, because he refused to be mocked again. 

Patton sighed, taking a step back. “Alright, boys. I think we need to find a place to sit down and talk this through. I don’t want anybody getting in any more trouble, and it’s not cool to hate others for long.”

“I agree,” Logan nodded, and they began walking to get downstairs.

“It’S nOT cOoL To HatE OtHeRs” Virgil mimicked to himself behind the tutor’s backs. He didn’t remember a time when he had been this angry towards everybody around him, but in all honesty, it made him feel powerful in a situation where in reality he had little to no control.

Roman sticked his tongue out at Virgil as they walked behind their tutors, and Virgil tried to slap him but the boy dodged it, so Virgil kicked him, to which Roman cried out loudly. That guy is way too good in making all of this look like my fault, the boy thought to himself, as Patton turned to scold his student. He really had to do the rest of this carefully and not fall in Roman’s traps like he just had. 

There’s only one thing good about all of this, Virgil thought. It all goes just like my worst, anxiety-filled thoughts had assumed, so I feel like I’ve at least seen this coming.

[hsmtmtsnet]

“Do you see why we love the theatre, people?” an over-serious drama teacher once exclaimed. (Her name was Ms. Darbus and she is an icon for High School Musical lovers.) Well, Disney+ has given us a new reason to love the theatre: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series.

The Disney+ series, created by Broadway scribe Tim Federle, takes place at “the real” East High—where the original High School Musical was filmed. The students there have never put on a production of High School Musical: The Musical, but the new drama teacher, played by Broadway’s Kate Reinders, rectifies that toot suite. Filmed mockumentary style, the show features confessionals with the teens in the cast and teachers in the halls about the drama onstage and off.

Joshua Bassett and Olivia Rodrigo, play Ricky and Nini—the most shippable couple since Cory and Topanga. When HSMTMTS kicks off, the students are just back from summer break and Ricky and Nini are back from their own break. You see, Nini told Ricky she loved him (in the earworm of a love ballad “I Think I Kinda Ya Know”) but Ricky, reeling from his parents’ separation, couldn’t say it back and instead said they should take a pause. Nini went off to drama camp and found a new leading man; but now Ricky wants her back. When Nini sets out to audition for Gabriella in East High’s High School Musical, Ricky decides to win her back by auditioning for Troy.

The new series, which wrapped filming in Salt Lake City in August, has transcended the original—and its musical stage adaptation—with its purity of heart and musical theatre excellence. The cast, including Bassett (now 19) and Rodrigo (now 16), often sing live and give new meaning to no marking full out in showstopping dance routines. Over the course of nine episodes thus far, HSMTMTS has proven ridiculously relatable and sharply witty.

Before the Season 1 finale hits the streaming service January 10, Playbill spoke to Rodrigo and Bassett about life on set, creating fresh characters, writing original music for the series, and what to expect in Season 2.

Did you grow up with High School Musical or was it something that you were actually too young for? Olivia Rodrigo: I totally grew up watching this film. I had High School Musical lunchboxes, and I had Troy and Gabriella Barbie Dolls and the whole shebang. I went back and re-watched all the movies once I booked the role with fresh eyes and a new mature perspective. It’s really amazing. I was just always such a musical kid and so watching Troy and Gabriella burst out into song on my TV was just such a magical experience. Joshua Bassett: I was so young when I first saw it that I do not remember. I honestly started seeing it before I was capable of making memories. Josh, were you always drawn to musicals as a kid, or more drawn to music? Bassett: Definitely both. The music was my favorite part of the musicals, but I did everything from obviously High School Musical [as J.V. Jock #2]. I did Peter Pan, I was Peter Pan, but I also was Chip in Beauty in the Beast. I was the White Rabbit in Alice and Wonderland. I was a random tree in The Wizard of Oz. My dad is a musician, so that’s pretty much in my blood. My sister started doing musical theatre before I could even remember. When I was old enough to do it, there was no question. It was like, “Well, of course I’m going to do it.”

In the beginning of the series, Ricky’s friend Big Red says to Ricky, who is clearly a musician—carrying around his guitar—”I thought you hated musicals.” You are the kid who scoffs at musicals, but loves music. Do you think about the gap in people’s minds between music and musicals and how this series might ingratiate them towards musical theatre? Bassett: I love that question because I think there’s a stigma in general about musical theatre, but specifically for guys. A lot of guys probably think, “Oh, musical? That’s lame.” But musicals are pretty awesome. One of my favorite things [was when] two eight and nine-year-old boys ran up to me and they were like, “Oh my gosh. I love your show. I sing all the songs all the time.” I just thought that was the sweetest, most awesome thing—to be inspiring younger boys to do it and not be afraid. What’s really cool is how people can see Troy Bolton, who plays basketball, who’s also in musical theatre, and now Ricky Bowen, who’s a skater and “Oh, he’s too cool for musical theatre,” but he does it for love and then finds out he loves musical theatre just as much.

Was your audition like a musical theatre audition? Bassett: Well, the walls [were] paper thin. There’s like 10 people before me. You can hear them all belting out these insane showtunes. I was just like, “Oh, boy. Everyone’s going to have to hear me sing when I go in there.” [On my final audition] I actually sang three songs in that one: a Bruno Mars song [“Count on Me”] and then I sang a song that I wrote, and then I actually sang a another song that I had written for this girl to ask her to homecoming, on the ukulele. Rodrigo: I went in and did the sides, and sang “Price Tag” by Jessie J, and they had me sing a song with Joshua, to test our chemistry, and we just love each other so much. So it was electric from that first audition. Bassett: “Count on Me” ended up being the song that—once I got the role—they had Olivia and a bunch of girls come in and sing and read for the role of Nini. I was like, “Do you know this song?” She said, “Sure.” We literally stepped inside an office and I stole a guitar from a girl in the waiting room and we just worked out a quick rendition of “Count On Me” by Bruno Mars. She just figured out the harmony in literally one minute in a random executive’s office. Olivia knocked it out of the park and I think that’s when everyone knew it was the right fit. Rodrigo: We really got to know each other after we auditioned, we spent six months in Utah together and that’s really great. He’s my best friend. To be able to work with him every day and sing songs with him, and write with him, and act with him, is just amazing. And he inspires me as a performer as well as just a person. I wouldn’t rather do it with anybody else. Bassett: I don’t want to say it was fate, but honestly, part of me feels like there was something that just got us in the same place at the same time. We just instantly connected on multiple different levels. There was just magic in there. Rodrigo: Funny story. I knew Joshua before, but he claimed that he didn’t remember meeting me, which he did many times, and I still give him crap for it.

What was it like to discover and form these new characters over the course of the season? Bassett: The description of Ricky is basically me. I read it and I was like, “What? Who’s following me around and writing about my life?” The way he operates things and how he has problems with saying he loves people and all that stuff. I definitely can relate to that in my life. Rodrigo: Nini was a character that was so similar to me already. It’s written very authentically. I actually think that the writers though, have taken some bits of my life and put it into Nini’s. If not, then they’re just like psychics and they are just good at writing and doing their job. I was on the phone with my best friend talking about how unconfident I had been feeling and she was talking to me and she said, “Oh, Olivia, you’ve never felt this way before you started dating guys.” Next week, Courtney goes [to Nini], “Oh, you wouldn’t have been this unconfident if you didn’t let guys have such a monopoly over your brain.” And now, Tim was asking me about some experiences that I had with growing up in creativity and he said that he was going to have Nini experience that in Season 2.

Josh, what do you most commune with in Ricky? And, Olivia, for you with Nini? Bassett: He comes up with this outlandish plan to win [Nini] back and to last-minute go and audition for the musical and everything. Obviously, that can tie back to the homecoming thing. This girl that I wanted to ask to homecoming, she rejected three guys who asked her prior. I was like, “Okay. I’ve really got to go big or go home here.” So that night, I stayed up all night and I wrote the song. Then I bought her flowers. Me and my friends drove over to her house. I knocked on her door and sang the song. I just went for it. That mentality is what I definitely connected to with Ricky. Rodrigo: Nini is very confused throughout most of the first season and I was definitely very confused filming the first season, as well. Growing up is just hard. And being a girl in the 21st century, not knowing what boys are good for you, and how to communicate your feelings, and if you’re good enough to have received all these opportunities that you have been given… I think that me and Nini are just sharing these experiences in real time, so it was really an honor to play that.

We grew up with princess movies and women who needed the man to rescue them and then we swung so far the other way with “I don’t need anyone,” so to see Nini negotiating relationships was refreshing. Rodrigo: It’s definitely more realistic. It’s like, “Oh, I don’t need a man.” But it’s like, “Are you really going to do that?” Or is it, “I’m confident with myself and a man”? Is just like to be able to augment my amazingness? What have you learned from inhabiting Nini? Rodrigo: Nini handles tough situations with a lot of grace, and I think that I want to try to be more like her in that regard. She’s always kind to people and always knows what she wants and not afraid to say it. That’s a great thing to be confident in yourself that whatever life throws at you, you can handle it with love and respect.

As a musical series, you guys have experts in Tim Federle and Kate Reinders. What have you learned from working with them? Bassett: Fun fact. Me and my siblings went to New York in I want to say 2016, maybe even 2015. We saw Something Rotten!. My sister saved the Playbill—they save all the Playbills. It turns out we saw Kate Reinders in Something Rotten! on Broadway years and years ago. Didn’t find that out until about halfway through the filming process. Rodrigo: All of my cast members are teaching me about musical theatre. We did a press tour in New York and we all went to Dear Evan Hansen together and Jagged Little Pill. It was Matt Cornett’s—who plays E.J.—his first Broadway show and so all of us kind of got to teach him this is what happens. He was just so in awe. Bassett: One of the really unique things about this show is it feels like we’re in a musical in the sense that we have the same kind of spirit, we’re this team effort. I think that mirrors the theatre community that you don’t often see in Hollywood. I always say Kate Reinders is the mother of the show. She is the emotional backbone for all of us because she has so much spirit in that world. [HSMTMTS] has the heart of musical theatre with the scale of a TV show.

And you guys often sing live! Was that nerve-wracking? Liberating? Bassett: That was a thousand times more liberating. It’s funny. I booked the job and then my first session, I talked to the head of music at Disney and was like, “Are we going to sing live on the show? Because they did that for La La Land. They did a lot of live scenes and stuff, and I just think that it’d be really cool.” I was already pitching the idea. Tim is actually our biggest champion in that.

The chemistry crackles when you guys sing live—just like it did in Episode 8 during that emotional scene where we learn the origin of Nini’s name. What was it like shooting such an intimate moment? Rodrigo: I actually have always been curious about the origin of Nini’s name and Tim had always been coy about like where it came from, but it’s one of his friend’s sister’s names, I think. This bond that Ricky and Nini have is just so sweet and loving and they’re with each other as friends forever. You know they’re friends first and they are there for each other.

What was your favorite scene to shoot in Season 1? Bassett: My favorite scene to shoot in the show so far was in Episode 10. It was one of the best moments I’ve ever had in my acting career. It was liberating and exciting. Tim actually gave me the freedom to improvise. They kept the tape that I improvised on, so I’m expecting a writer credit. No, I’m just kidding. That scene was very special to me. I think people are going to love it. Rodrigo: I love doing group scenes cause I get to hang out with everybody and we’re all just such a big family. There’s so much laughter and love. Filming “Born to be Brave” was amazing and all the other cast members came to watch and it was like 11 o’clock at night but they came on their day off to come watch us film this number and my best friend was in from L.A. She flew in for this number and afterwards it was 1AM and we all went to IHOP. It was one of the most magical days of filming.

What this teaches me is that it is a universal truth that after you do a musical you go to a diner. Rodrigo: They actually make a joke about that as the last episode.

You both wrote songs for Season 1. Olivia, I came across that song that you wrote when you were six and I’m like, “She was writing songs when she was six?” Was it always second nature to you both? Rodrigo: I have old notebooks, just chock-full lyrics that I’ve written when I was super young and you could barely read and write. I love singing and expression and emotion. It’s really cool that I get to write for the show on such a large scale. I can’t believe they let a teenager do that. Bassett: I was constantly creating ... Most of them were just jokes and me and my sisters being goofs, but I was constantly at the piano, coming up with these dumb short snippets of things. Just allowing myself to do whatever I wanted. It didn’t matter. No one was going to hear them. I did not know what I was doing. I could fake it enough, although I still don’t know what I’m doing, by the way.

Olivia, you wrote “All I Want” on your own. Were you given the context of that song before writing it? Rodrigo: We filmed that song as a reshoot, so we filmed all 10 episodes and then Tim came up to me and said, “I think Nini might need a song in Episode 4.” They let me do it because nobody is going Nini like I know Nini.

Do you start from lyrics? Do you start from music? Rodrigo: It changes from song to song. Usually for me they come at the same time. I’ll find the chords that I like and then put lyrics to them and maybe a thought. You wrote “Just for a Moment” for Episode 9 together, but I know you wrote it early on in the season before you knew where the song or the story would go. How was that, writing blind? Rodrigo: We were just shooting in the dark a little bit and it was a strange experience. That was the first time either of us had co-written a song. I would kick out stuff on the piano and send a voice memo to Josh, and he would do the same. We finally decided on a melody that we liked, and then came together and camped out in my apartment for a day and wrote all the lyrics. He wrote his character’s lyrics, and I wrote Nini’s lyrics. We were a little bit stubborn and it was hard to work with each other sometimes. It was such a great learning experience. I’m so inspired by Josh and I learned a lot from him and I hope that he learned something from me.

What skills have you been honing in the songwriting process now, working in a professional environment? Rodrigo: It’s definitely a whole different ballgame, writing for Disney and I’m writing knowing that the song that I write is going to be consumed by people. Writing something with that knowledge is a little bit daunting, at first, and it’s kind of hard to be vulnerable when you know that people are going to listen to it. Bassett: I think the important thing is to just not take it too seriously. I think people put this expectation on themselves. “I need to write a hit. I need to be honest.” Just be honest and be yourself. Don’t put any expectations on the product. Everything will work out.

Looking back at season one as a whole, what is most important for you to carry in to Season 2? Rodrigo: We filmed Season 1 in such isolation and we didn’t really know what was going to happen to the show. We knew that we felt super passionate about it. After seeing the response, I love seeing people really resonate with the themes that I find really important, like LGBTQ representation, truthful teenager stories, with people that might not look like she’s the average movie star but actually look like a real teenager that one would see at their high school. Bassett: I think what’s really neat about this cast is that you would not believe the hidden talents that everyone in this cast has. It is mind-blowing. Every single day on set, we’ll find something out about someone. Like, “Wait. You do this, too?” So I think as Tim and the writers found that out more, I think they’re going to write more things that cater to us as actors that we can incorporate into our characters. I’m really excited to help shine the spotlight on everyone else.

As the next chapter of the High School Musical anthology and canon, what does that feeling and what do you hope the impact of it is on other kids now or other audiences in general? Rodrigo: High School Musical and musical theatre, in general, has always been a safe haven for people who have felt like outcasts or felt weird or different. This show acts as just yet another place for people to feel they belong and for people to feel represented. I think that’s a really lovely thing and I’m really happy that we get to portray that.

[shadowed-dancer]

I'm really bad at math, and curious. How old would Jushtin have been around the time Festivia came around? (I've seen alot of people hc that he died when she was 14-)

Short answer: Jushtin was probably around 58 when Festivia was born, and would have turned 59 a few months later. If you care about how I got to this, enjoy the freaking essay I wrote bellow (you can skip to the end if you want to know about death dates).

So the issue with this is that we don’t get a clear timeline in the book of when things happened (like births and stuff) so the best I can do is a really good estimate. I went so in depth with this... I promise everything I did bellow helped me reach a point. To make it easy to read, I’m gonna break it down based on which princess we’re calculating the birthday of.

- Solaria -

We can assume that Solaria was born before Jushtin’s 15th birthday because his chapter doesn’t make any indication that a year has passed (he calls both his entries “Year of the Jushtin”). I’m not sure how Mewni months work, but in terms of Earth months (assuming Mewmans are pregnant for 9 Earth months) Solaria was born between 8 and 9 Earth months after Jushtin turned 14. It depends when her birth actually is (is it earlier or later in the Lion Dragon time) but either way, it’s possible Skywynne was pregnant before Jushtin even got the wand, but waited a few months to tell him.

So that’s a long, convoluted way of saying he was 14 when Solaria was born.

- Eclipsa -

It’s not very clear when Solaria had Eclipsa because Solaria’s chapter doesn’t specify how it’s counting time. She has a table on contents that divides things into “Books” and “Chapters” but neither of those seem to suggest a timeline. Eclipsa is first mentioned in chapter 5 and is said to be very young, and the photo would suggest she was definitely not younger than 3. Even if “chapter 5″ meant “5 years after getting the book” that would make Solaria 19, meaning she had Eclipsa when she was (at most) 16. Now I’m not saying that’s impossible, but the Solaria we see in the show with baby Eclipsa does NOT look like a 16 year old. I’m going to guess that she actually started writing when she became QUEEN, not when she gained the book (we can assume this because, in chapter 1, Solaria says it is her reign, and Alphonse calls her “Queen Solaria” in the letter on the next page).

So when did she become Queen? Skywynne had Solaria when she was 42 (she was 28 when she had Jushtin, 28+14=42) so she would have been 62 when Solaria turned 20. Skywynne probably didn’t die at this age since it’s still pretty young, but it’s likely she gave Solaria the throne (remember, Skywynne had been reigning since she was 17. It would have been 45 years of being Queen, plus 5 years mentally from her messing with time. So yeah, Skywynne was probably tired of being Queen). 20 seems like a good age to pass the throne to your kid. However, there’s still more.

In Eclipsa’s chapter, Eclipsa says that she’s dated all sorts of monsters, but she’s already in a relationship with Globgor by the time she starts writing (“several” months after turning 14). We see that she knows Globgor during Solaria’s “chapter 5″ so she must have been old enough to date. That means I’m going to have to assume that that photo is from when Eclipsa was way younger. Maybe Eclipsa was around 12 when that incident happened. That would mean the chapter numbers are meaningless but hey, sometimes you need to hit a few dead ends before reaching something good.

Ok, so either way Solaria was 20 when she became queen. Let’s guess that she was maybe 22 when she had Eclipsa. That would make her 34 during the Globgor incident, still young enough to be fighting wars! So if she was 22 when Eclipsa was born, and Jushtin was 14 when Solaria was born, then Jushtin was 36 years old upon Eclipsa’s birth (14+22=36).

Hurray! We’ve got... an estimate. Hey, I warned you at the start we wouldn’t get an exact answer.

- Festivia and Meteora -

So now let’s move on to Eclipsa’s age and when she had Meteora. I’m going to assume that Meteora and Festivia were around the same age, separated only by a few months (we see they are similar ages during Eclipsa’s trial). Either way, it wouldn’t affect Jushtin since his birth seems to be near the end of the year.

Just like her mother, Eclipsa sucks at documenting dates, so we have no idea how long she was writing for (she writes numbers at the top of her pages, but I don���t know what those mean. Are they related to dates? Are they her entry numbers? Who knows?!) Anyways, we actually get a good guess at how old Eclipsa was based on some stuff Moon tells us.

Moon reveals that she was around Star’s age when Comet died. Star, at this point in the show, was 14 (we’d see her 15th birth a few episodes later). However, I found a gem in Moon’s chapter (which I admit, I haven’t read in it’s entirety yet) that says she had just turned 17 when she got Lil’ Chauncy! 2 pages later she reveals that Comet was killed and she has become Queen. Since we know from the episode “Moon the Undaunted” that Moon made the Eclipsa deal not too long after Comet’s death, we know she was 17. What does this have to do with anything? Eclipsa makes a comment and says she lost her mother when she was “not much older than [Moon]”.

We get no information from Eclipsa’s chapter because our girl doesn’t know how to document time, so we have to interpret what “not much older” means. Judging by Moon thinking 14 and 17 are close in age (it’s a 3 year gap) I’m going to believe that Solaria died when Eclipsa was 20 (also a 3 year gap). Why 20? Because why not? Actually, it’s because I don’t want to think that Solaria was setting up her 17 year old daughter for marriage, so I’m gonna say 20 and leave it at that.

We don’t know how long it took for Eclipsa to get sick of Shastacan and leave with Globgor, but judging by the fact that Eclipsa had a few entries between “I’m marrying Shastacan” and “I’m running away with Globgor”, I’m gonna guess 2 years. Why 2 years? Please just let me make my estimates.

So Eclipsa is now 22 and has run off. For the MHC to say “Eclipsa and Shastacan had a baby despite Eclipsa being away from him”, she either had to already be pregnant with Meteora, or she had to get pregnant shortly after (the MHC could have some leeway if Festivia was a few months older than Meteora). Either way, Eclipsa was around 22 when Meteora was born.

Back to our boy Jushtin. He was 36 when Eclipsa was born. 36+22=58. Jushtin was 58 years old when Festivia was born! AND since we know his birthday, he would have turned 59 shortly after.

- Death - 

As for Jushtin’s death… I know people like to headcanon that he died when Festivia was 14. 58+14=72. The average male lifespan right now is 71 years, so it’s possible he died at that age. I personally love the headcanon that his death is the reason she went travelling for a year (and I use it in my au). HOWEVER, we’re talking canon here, so we need to consider something else.

Festivia does not bring up Jushtin ONCE in her entire chapter. Isn’t that weird? She says that the MHC raised her and affecionatly called Heckapoo “Auntie Heckapoo”. Is it possible Jushtin was just off with his own family? Of course it is! But we see how close Jushtin seemed to be with Festivia in the afterlife, implying they knew each other in life (they are the ONLY queens we see actively make physical contact with each other). So my personal guess is that Jushtin died when she was still pretty young maybe around 5 or 6? She’d still remember him, and she’d have fond memories, but it wouldn’t have been long enough to say “My Grunkle Jushtin raised me”, so the MHC would still have a good 8 or 9 years to raise Festivia. So if you want to believe that Jushtin died when she was a kid, he would have been around 63 or 64. If you want to believe he died when she was 14, he was 72.

Hope you enjoyed! This was a lot of fun to write, hopefully it was interesting to read (well, as interesting as math can be).

[kzspbrak]

What this week has taught me about homophobia and racism within my school

This might get long, it’s been a messy week and this situation is a big one, but I feel like I should share it? I’m not using real names obviously, except mine. And also trigger warning; homophobia and racism.

So for some context, I’m 16 years old (year 11/a sophomore), female and bisexual. I’m only out to my only other openly LGBT friend, (a trans dude we’ll call Greg) and my—now ex—boyfriend who we’ll call Jake. This is also the first week back after Easter holiday, and we started school on Tuesday.

I’d also like to point out that I don’t know if the issues I personally recognised are general, but based on things I’ve seen online and the fact that my school is very liberal (pride clubs and assemblies, many people are out across all year groups happily, the teachers are also all supportive and it’s in the policy to respect pronouns, etc) I assume issues like this happen a lot.

So, on the Saturday before we all came back to school there was a party at someone’s house. I didn’t personally go, but Jake (who I’m still good friends with) did. The party was a normal party, nothing was inherently different about it. It was just a party.

At this party however, two of the boys in my year (for this they’re called Alfie and Ryan) were seen kissing/making out in one of the hallways by a few people (I don’t think they intended on people seeing, according to jake it was an empty hallway or something) I’m not sure what actually happened, and Jake didn’t see, but I’ve heard everything from they kissed to they sucked each other off to they were fucking. I’m assuming they were probably making out in an empty hall and then were caught.

This should in theory be fine, people kiss all the time at parties. There are gay couples at my school who kiss at parties as well as at school, and straight girls always make out for fun at them too. So, there shouldn’t be an issue. Except, there was, and I’m assuming it’s because Ryan and Alfie are both two of the ‘popular jock’ types. Alfie also happens to be a person of colour (his parents are Greek Cypriot), but that comes into it more later.

So, the two are caught kissing (I’m not sure what happened after that at the party, Jake didn’t see them) but on Tuesday everyone was talking about it, and Ryan didn’t show up to school. This meant that Alfie was getting looks from people in all years and going through it all by himself. Tuesday I’m pretty sure was fine, people were just talking—no one was actually being actively rude to him about it. Although, he did avoid his friends at lunch. On Wednesday Ryan came back in, and everything got a lot worse.

Ryan and Alfie completely avoided each other Wednesday, but at this point the rumours had escalated to they were caught fucking, some people were genuinely arguing over who was the top and bottom, and Greg even heard some people making stupid AIDs jokes. It wasn’t a great situation. Wednesday afternoon my half of the year (which includes both Ryan and Alfie) has English, so we were all in the English department at the end of lunch. This is when who we’ll call George approached Alfie—I was at a nearby table and just about saw the whole thing. George and Alfie are/were in the same group of friends, and I always assumed they were decent friends. But, instead of being nice, George went up to Alfie and called him a f*ggot, and then upon not getting a reaction said it again louder, and again, and again. Two others from their group were with George too and they were joining in.

After a few minutes of being shouted at by his ‘friends’, Alfie tried walking away, but George pushed him into the wall before he could really move. This is when people started crowding around the four of them so, I lost sight of what was happening, but I could clearly hear George using slurs and insults against Alfie and he was beating the shit out of him. Eventually teachers came, separated the two of them and sent everyone to class. Alfie had a black eye, bleeding nose, a generally beaten up looking face, and I’m assuming his body was hit a few times as well. Alfie didn’t come to English at all, but half way through George reappeared (he was in isolation the next day though).

I want to point out that Ryan still spoke to his friends (excluding a few- including George) a bit when he was in school, and didn’t receive nearly as much homophobic comments from people, people still called him gay and asked if he liked sucking dick, but it wasn’t bad compared to what Alfie received. The group who attacked Alfie are also all fine with the openly gay guy in our year who’s had various boyfriends out of school and brought them to parties. Both Ryan and this other guy happen to be white as well, and the other guy is really good friends with all the ‘popular’ girls.

Greg also hasn’t really received any transphobic comments from around school, occasionally someone will call him Caitlyn Jenner or a he/she (and once George did call him a tr*nny), but generally, nothing.

Thursday and Friday were similar to Tuesday, George was in isolation and Alfie and Ryan just ignored everyone, minus each other (I’m not sure what happened between them Wednesday evening, but basically after Alfie was beaten up they stopped ignoring each other). Alfie was also taken out of various classes to be separated from George’s two friends who were calling him a f*ggot and stuff like that. Rumours were still escalating though, and I assume the two of them still felt equally shitty.

Jake told me that both of them were on Alfie’s bus together on Friday, so at least they definitely still talk/hang out and get along. But that’s the last I’ve heard on the situation.

I don’t know why George chose to attack Alfie the way he did, but the only obvious difference between Alfie and every other lgbt person at my school is that he is a poc. Ryan still got shit and obviously didn’t feel safe/comfortable talking to his group of friends, but they didn’t seek him out either.

I’ve seen online a few times now how members of the lgbt community who are also poc still haven’t been fully accepted within society, and as a white member of the community I never really cared about it as much as I should. Like, I knew they faced that extra obstacle in a sense, but I never truly realised how much harder it is for them? I don’t feel fully like I’m allowed to voice an opinion on the topic, and I’m not here to claim I do—I’ll never understand what poc go through as a white person. But I do think that if what happened to Alfie this week is normal for poc within the lgbt community, something really does need to change.

Obviously white lgbt members face oppression too, and will get beaten up in a similar way. But what I’m trying to say is if the contrast between how poc and white lgbt members at my school are treated is a general thing, something really needs to change. I don’t know what that is, and obviously I’m not making a breakthrough by suggesting we all should have equal rights, but this has all really opened my eyes this week, and I hope it has for someone else too.

I don’t know how to end this, so I’m just going to here? Sorry it was long, I just felt like I should share it.

[greencrusader13]

OC Interview - Terasas Feldspar

The rules are simple: pick an OC, and then answer these interview questions in-character for them. Then tag five more people to keep it going!

I got tagged again by @melissagt​ so I wanted to do two more: one for Terasas Feldspar, and one for Tyar Kiht. Since I don’t think people know a lot about Terasas other than what I’ve vaguely mentioned of him in previous posts, I thought I’d start with him.

Like with the Raz interview I picked a particular point in time in his life to answer these questions, which for the sake of clarity I’ll make it the same as when I answered Raz’s questions. Terasas would be 33 at this time.

Tagging: @the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond @athiefswarwriteblr @nusaran @kunoichi-ume @francestroublr

1. What is your name?

I’m Terasas Feldspar.

2. Do you know why are you named that?

It’s similar t’ my pa’s name, which was Tessir.

3. Are you single or taken?

I just got married t’ a wonderful gal named Mynai. I’ve been infatuated with her since I met her back when we was teenagers, but she was with my best friend back then. It’s really something else that not only is she back in my life, she’s now my wife.

4. Have any abilities or powers?

I’m a pretty decent swordsman, and good enough with a bow t’ go hunting on occasion. I don’t really fancy myself as being anything particularly special.

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

I don’t know what that is.

6. What’s your eye color?

Green.

7. How about your hair color?

I in’t got any hair, but my fur is sorta this reddish-brown color.

8. Have any family members?

I’ve got my daughter Ariya, whom I had with my late wife Valika. My little girl is my world. I’d do anything for her and t’ protect her. She was a surprise definitely...Val and I weren’t married when she was conceived, but I can’t think of life without Ariya. The first time I held my daughter I... I can’t even describe the sort of love I felt.

My parents aren’t around any more. I wish Ariya could’ve met her grandparents. She looks so much like my ma, and I think the two really would’ve gotten along well.

Like I said before I just got married t’ Mynai, and I consider myself a really lucky man. I didn’t think I’d find love again after Val died, but here I am... here we are. I’m not sure if or when we’re gonna have kids of our own; it’s come up, and we’d both like t’, but right now Mynai wants t’ just adjust t’ being Ariya’s stepmother.

I’ve only got one sibling: my half-sister Dirna. She’s also Raz’s half-sister, so we’re kinda like brothers in that way too. My ma was her mother, and Raz’s pa was hers too.

Speaking of Raz, he’s like my brother. He hasn’t always been there when I needed him, but he’s getting better about it. He helped Ariya and I get t’ safety when true night returned t’ the world, and came back when there was a killer here in New Coalfell and helped put a stop t’ it. Even with small things he’s getting better, like he helped watch Ariya while Mynai and I were off on our honeymoon. My friend needs t’ stop being so hard on himself. He’s a better person than he thinks he is.

9. Oh? How about pets?

I in’t much of a pet person. Besides, until recently I was a single father, and I couldn’t’ve handled looking after my child and a pet.

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now, tell me something you don’t like?

I in’t a big fan of most alcohols. Wine just about does it for me.

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

I like t’ go hunting and fishing when the stars align. My pa used t’ take me if he ever won a big hand at cards when I was little when he’d have enough coin t’ be gone for a day or two. Fishing is really calming. I like just sitting by the stream for hours without much care.

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?

I try not to, but everyone’s made mistakes. I’m no exception.

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

Yes. Before becoming guard captain I was a guardsman like any other, and unfortunately that means sometimes I’ve had t’ use lethal force. There was a bandit attack when I was living in Brightscale that I helped defend against, and I killed some bandits during that raid, including the bandit captain leading the attack. That was my first really big battle. 

14. What kind of animal are you?

I in’t an animal...

15. Name your worst habits?

When I fall deep asleep I tend t’ snore pretty loudly. Val used t’ joke about smothering me in my sleep just so she could get some sleep of her own.

I’ve also been described as having a “savior’s complex.” Like, I just want t’ help people. I don’t mean it in a bad way, but some people’ve responded less than favorably t’ me tryin’ t’ help.

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

Raz. My friend is trying so hard t’ make things right that he doesn’t realize he has already. I’m not sure I would’ve been able t’ step away from the life he was leading if our lives were switched. It takes a lot of willpower t’ stay away from stuff like that after falling into it.

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?

I’m straight.

18. Do you go to school?

No. When Raz and I ran away as teenagers that was the last I’d gone t’ school.

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day?

I never want t’ marry again now that Mynai’s my wife, and I in’t losing her.

We’ve talked about having kids, and we both want to, but we’d have t’ be careful about when we do. Ariya’s normal has already been changed once in a pretty drastic way, and I’d want her t’ be ready and understand that she’d be having a little brother or sister. So, for now, Mynai and I are being careful t’ not conceive until everything’s right.

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?

None that I know of, but I do get t’ meet some grateful people around New Coalfell. They help the job feel rewarding.

21. What are you most afraid of?

Anything happening t’ my family. I went through the pain of losing one wife, and I couldn’t do it again. I don’t even want t’ think about losing my daughter.

22. What do you usually wear?

Just a white collared shirt and trousers at home. When I’m on patrol I wear my guardsman uniform with chain mail armor underneath. It’s good protection, but gets really hot in summers.

23. What’s one food that tempts you?

Okay, so Val used t’ own a bakery, and she used t’ make this one meal that I hadn’t heard of before her. It was, like, this dough that had tomatoes mashed into a sauce on it with cheese and some meats, all baked in a stone oven. Not really a pastry, and not really bread either. It was divine.

24. Am I annoying to you?

*shakes his head*

25. Well, it’s still not over!

Okay.

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?

Middle I guess? We in’t struggling with our money, but we couldn’t buy some of them nicer places out there either.

27. How many friends do you have?

I’ve got a nice handful of friends; a strong community around me here.

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

Val and I would make pie in her bakery on days where I was off-duty sometimes.

29. Favorite drink?

Apple juice.

...oh, like alcoholic? Red wine.

30. What’s your favorite place?

Our home back when Val and I were living in Brightscale. It was a total wreck when I first showed up there, and Val got a lot of people t’ help me rebuild it after the bandit attack. It was right by a river, so when we were drifting off t’ sleep we could hear the water rushing by. We were also separated a bit from the rest of the town, so it was like our own small piece of paradise as a family. I loved the walk back t’ it from work.

Unfortunately Brightscale became a ghost town after the plague hit, and Ariya and I were forced t’ leave it behind when all the survivors migrated t’ Boulder. Val’s ashes are buried there. Sometime I’d like t’ take Ariya back, but I don’t know what that area’s even like anymore. Could be bandits in the area, or predators, or anything. I’d want t’ make sure it’s safe first.

31. Are you interested in anyone?

*Terasas points to his wedding ring*

32. That was a stupid question…

A little bit, no offense...

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

Lake.

34. What’s your type?

Uh, my type? Honestly I in’t been with enough women t’ have a type, but if I had t’ say it’d be intelligent women who are outspoken. Confidence goes a long way for me, but not arrogance. She has t’ be kind too.

I tend t’ first notice a woman’s eyes first. I don’t know why, but a woman with beautiful eyes seems t’ be what catches my attention.

35. Any fetishes?

F...f-fetishes? N-no...I mean, everyone’s got things they enjoy doing in bed, but I don’t think it counts as a fetish...

Wait, what am I saying? None of this is your godsdamned business! No one needs t’ know I like doggyst...- wait, I didn’t say that before! Delete this part! Delete this p-

36. Camping or outdoors?

*Terasas straightens himself, brushing down his ruffled fur while clearing his throat* What was that? Camping or outdoors? Ooh, what a great, perfectly normal question like all the other ones you’ve asked so far.

Camping. When I feel like it’s safe out I like taking Ariya out for a few nights like my pa used to when I was little. She in’t a big fan of the hunting part of it, so I usually do that by myself along with the skinning and cleaning of the meat afterwards. We have a good time sitting around the fire afterwards eating together. I hope she enjoys it too. I know those memories of my own father mean so much t’ me, and I hope it’s the same for her.

[thequlturecritic]

QULTURE’S TOP 20 SERIES OF 2018

20.  BUSY TONIGHT

You guys! Good energy is, like, totally in right now. And it’s never going away. You may know her from Freaks and Geeks, but I know her from Cougar Town as CC’s fun-loving, super-supportive sidekick. When you watch Busy Phillips on her cheeky, positive-vibes only E! talk show, a sense of “we’re all in this together” and “being kind to one another” is definitely a recipe for demolishing disaster. Remember how major Chelsea’s career became because of what so many probably considered a silly little talk show… well. I’m not a fortune teller or anything, but I could totally see Ms. Phillips taking over the universe. I want to be one of her minions. Cheers to another leading lady of late night! 

19. THE VOICE

I’ve always been anti-reality competition shows when it comes to singing, only because I’m a total snob when it comes to what I subject my ears to. My musical tastes are versed and varied, but I still am pretty picky about who I let in to my drums, mostly because I need it to stimulate an eargasm and coincide with my life’s soundtrack. When American Idol launched, I definitely was enamored with Kelly Clarkson’s powerful vocals, but I still kept the close mind that an artist is discovered naturally, not “created” by producers with the backdrop and illusion that AMERICA gets to vote and pick the winner. Ah, who knows, maybe they do… I would just never take the time out to vote. HOWEVER. When I found out Kelly was going to be a judge on The Voice, which is a whole separate animal than Idol, I was shitting my pants with glee, because she really is such a goddamn force of fucking nature. Her spirit is overwhelmingly angelic and I simply love everything about watching her. Last season’s competition was magical, at least for me, perhaps because it was the first time I really got to experience the message and place the show has in the universe. It really is inspiring and lovely to see how much these artists themselves care for the teams they build and the individuals they want to see grow – regardless of whether or not it leads to fame. Alicia Keys and Kelly Clarkson’s dynamic was really something special that inspired me in so many ways.

18. COMEDIANS IN CARS GETTING COFFEE

I love nothing more than a loose format, sans makeup, realistic conversation between famous people. Talk shows rock and all, but there’s something to be said for two people we all know and (often) admire, getting together and doing something that, ya know, regular people do! Like… go out to breakfast. I was never a fan of the Seinfeld sitcom, mostly because when it was popular it was kinda over my head and nothing that interested me. I’d probably be more inclined to watch and enjoy it now because of how much Veep has made me adore Julia-Louis Dreyfus and now much Jerry Seinfeld’s Netflix series about him… getting coffee… with comedians… has made me adore his admiration for vintage cars, honesty in humanity and one of the most important things we all seem to forget sometimes – which is to LAUGH! We live in such politically charged times, and while I get how important it is to talk about the very things we were always brainwashed to believe were impolite to talk about, we also need to be able to make jokes and not be so sensitive about everything. Ya heard?

17. AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL

Oh how I love me some Tyra, but it seems the future is all about Ashley Graham. Yet again – another fucking beautiful superhuman. I am really starting to hate that people even think of someone as “plus size”, but hey, it’s the world we live in. All I see when I look at her is someone with a whole lot of personality, gorgeous features and a personality that you’d be crazy to not gravitate toward. She is living proof that good vibes, energy and kindness (in the fashion industry?! How dare you!) go a long way. Tyra and Co. are doing such a bang-up job sending young women empowering messages about feeling safe in their own skin by infusing all shapes, sizes, colors and archetypes. This cycle was full of hilarious moments and was totally unpredictable. Despite her Trump-loving, Republican ways and complaining about being transformed into a “fire-crotch”, I was rooting for Liberty, Rio and Jeana to compete in the Top 3. That certainly evolved as the season went on, mainly because Jeana’s insecurities were getting the best of her (she had alopecia and they convinced her to be the alien-like, bald beauty – which she looked 10X better as vs. wearing wigs) and Rio had the most off-putting temper tantrum that had me and my bestie Carlee yelling at the the TV, “Who da fuck you think you talkin’ to?!” as if we were speaking for Tyra. Be humble, girls! Beauty ain’t just skin deep. At the end of the day, I loved seeing Kyla take the crown, because her activism, big heart and growth really was something special at the end of the day. Keep up the good work! I want 1000 more cycles.

16. SWEETBITTER

Starz’s adaptation of the best-selling novel by Stephanie Danler is short, but bittersweet. Ella Purnell is a breakout star, headlining the cast of unknowns who are all as equally as fantastic. I think that’s one of my favorite things about it (Caitlin Fitzgerald, in particular, who definitely has that thing) – how naturally gifted the entire cast is. Purnell stars as Tess, an All-American girl from bumfuck who makes her way to New York City to chase the dream, even if she has no idea what it is yet. Any of you who have worked in the service industry as a waiter or waitress will appreciate the authenticity of how intimidating, grueling and chaotic the industry can be… but how much fun it can be once your shift is over.

15. MANIAC

What is Netflix’s limited, vivid, disturbing, funny, emotional rollercoaster about? My brain is exploding from trying to analyze. Typically, in each episode, I get so lost in the perfection that is Emma Stone, I’m completely enthralled by how inspiring it is to watch one of our most exceptional young talents only seem to get better and better. It’s also always a pleasant surprise to see someone like Jonah Hill continue to prove himself as truly versatile. Remember when these two were just getting into stoner cinema and taking over the shelves at Blockbuster, during their Superbad days? Justin Theroux, plus. Sally Field, super-plus. Julia Garner (also of Ozark), a star on the rise! It might make you feel a little crazy while watching, but hey, we all go a little mad sometimes.

14. SHARP OBJECTS

Gillian Flynn’s book to big screen success with Gone Girl made a lot of us anxious to see what would be translated next. Following the trend of mini-series, binge-worthy greatness and big stars coming to the “small” screen, HBO announced Amy Adams would star in Sharp Objects, a dark, sultry murder mystery set in the swampy south that co-stars the amazing Patricia Clarkson – one of my absolute favorite actors. I’ll never forget when I “discovered” her, in Lisa Cholodenko’s High Art, one of my all-time faves. There’s a similar hypnotism with the limited series which also features a deliciously naked Chris Messina, and, of course, the direction of the man I’d say is pretty much cinematic perfection these days – Jean Marc Valee. If you have not yet seen Dallas Buyers Club, and another all-time favorite of mine, Wild, you are missing out. I’m assuming you have watched all of Big Little Lies once or twice, and can’t wait for season two next year. Neither can I. These are the people doing AWESOME awesome things in Hollywood.

13. AMERICAN HORROR STORY: APOCALYPSE

So, I’m always back and forth with AHS. I always love how visually stunning it is, but some seasons either lack substance or are literally just too fucking freaky for me to engage. I can not even set my eyes on Freak Show, thought Cults was too gory and scattered (although fresh off of the Trump presidency was a possible prediction of the future if we don’t all get our shit together) and definitely didn’t even give that Roanoke one a chance. The first two seasons rocked, and Gaga slayed in Hotel, but being that I love witches (Hocus Pocus, Witches of Eastwick) I have to say Coven is my favorite season. I love every Farmiga in life, Precious’ Gaborey Sidibe always makes me laugh and Emma Roberts is a rock star. How gorgeous?! She’s also such a little asshole in the best way. She’s someone I can picture punching me in the face, and I’d invite her to. Apocalypse is the best infusion of boy/girl magic and the ultimate comradery casting wise – as what could make for a perfect finale for the series ties all of Ryan Murphy’s brilliance together. That’s just my opinion – because I think a great series needs to know when to wrap it up, but these days everything is all about milking everything to the last drop, so… idk.

12. THE CONNERS

Roseanne returning was definitely the best of the best in reboot land, until her big mouth got her fired from ABC and launched The Conners, which features the entire cast minus a dead mother. I still respect her as an artist and will always love when TV wasn’t so linked to the Twitterverse, but these days I guess everyone really does have to be super careful about the shit they say – especially when we should know better that racism isn’t cool. It’s such an odd thing, because Roseanne was always so controversial, brave with their material, and was one of the first shows to have an out lesbian comedian/actress and character (the great Sandra Bernhard)… so… idk. That Sarah Gilbert though… she’s somethin’ special.

11. THE GOOD PLACE

Kristen Bell!!!!!!! That’s all. Ok, well, that’s not all… because Ted Danson is equally as amazing. Who wouldn’t love someone married to a dame like Mary Steenburgen?! I’ve been a fan of his since Three Men (and a Little Lady!). The diversity, quick wit, modern spin on the classic sitcom and concept behind this hit NBC series reminds us of why the network is always killing it when it comes to delivering quality, quantity and maintaining its colorful edge. I’m surprised I didn’t get into this show when it premiered, as season 4 approaches and the Globes, and surely the Emmy’s now are getting into recognizing genius when they see it. This show is filled with all the good feels! Maybe Heaven really is a place on Earth.

10. WILL & GRACE

When the reboot of W&G first returned to NBC, I was a bit underwhelmed by some of the writing. It seemed forced and a bit insecure – but it just took a few episodes for them to really get back in the swing of things and season 2 of the return is really on point. Debra Messing is better than ever (congrats on a Globe nomination!), as are Eric, Megan and Sean Hayes – who I’ve always greatly admired because of, what I like to consider his “big break” – the film, Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss. Growing up gay, Will and Grace was a trailblazing, extremely important and relevant show to so many of us because there wasn’t much of that on TV. But I’ll always remember that adorable indie of Sean’s. He should make more movies! I love him in Pieces of April too!

9. I LOVE YOU AMERICA: with SARAH SILVERMAN

Sarah has always been my absolute favorite comedian. Jesus is Magic is probably one of the most brilliant stand-up comedy feature films I’ve ever seen (are there many of those) combining music, comedy, political satire, sexually inappropriate and explicit linguistics… nothing is off limits. From jokes about AIDS, Martin Luther King Jr. and the Holocaust, to her dead grandmother’s rape to pussy jokes about child lesbians she’s related to. On her new Hulu series, Silverman takes a tour of the great country we live in, United States of A, talking to Trump supporters, men and women of all colors, shapes and sizes and makes an honest, unbiased, non-judgmental effort to deliver an intellectual perspective on all things current and heated in the minds of many. I love her condescending approach, ability to keep her cool, remain true to herself and do something important with her career. It’s a humbled and divine dose of reality that I think we all need, as at the end of the day she’s basically trying to unite us and get people to understand that despite our differences, respect and kindness can truly inspire change.

8. POSE

First of all – watch Paris is Burning, if you’ve never seen it.

I remember when I worked for the super cool East-coast indie video chain, TLA Video, it was one of the most popular rentals in our Gay and Lesbian section, as it should be. It’s a classic documentary that captures the heart, sole and strut of African American LGBTQ culture during the AIDS epidemic, when being a queen and going to the balls would begin to define what FIERCE meant for a generation. (Play: Azealia Banks, Fierce). It’s one of RuPaul’s favorite movies and certainly inspiration for Ryan Murphy’s vivid and heartfelt FX series starring Evan Peters, James Van Der Beek, Kate Mara and a wonderful assortment of newcomers including the fetch, fierce, versatile and gorgeous MJ Rodriguez, Dominique Jackson and (MY FAVE) Indya Moore.

7. CAMPING

Ever since 13 Going on 30, I’ve known Jennifer Garner was a unicorn. She has that innate ability to charm, impress and entertain us with charisma and natural comedic talent. When it comes to the American adaptation of the Brit series Camping, developed for HBO (in part with Girls’ master Lena Dunham), the team surely arranged the most perfect blend of talent for both behind and in front of the camera. Garner brings the most complicated and hilarious nuances to her character and proves she is more than capable of leading a most diverse and perfectly perfect blend of talent.

6. OZARK

Janet McTeer!! OMG! This woman is amazing and really the force that makes the sophomore season of the hit Netflix drug smuggling/money laundering/gangsta livin’ series all the more bombastic. Sure, Jason Bateman continues to be awesome in every way, but the women on the latest season (even the creepy old meth lady who wants a baby at 99) really slay and own the show, keeping us on the edges of our seats and beyond impressed with how hard anyone with a vagina is proving that they are taking over the world these days. As if we needed more reasons to be obsessed with Laura Linney – she takes her character to new heights, getting more screen time and really being thrust into a more evolved dynamic – sort of how Robin Wright does on House of Cards. As though the audience was more drawn to the female than the male lead the series was built around. But Janet McTeer?! Holy fuck, Janet McTeer. She’ll make your skin crawl and keep you up at night… binge-watching.

5. THE AFFAIR

Showtime’s scandalous, suspenseful and intricate portrait of love, marriage and infidelity has been one of my must-see series since its debut. The entire cast is pure magic, especially the four leads – Dominic West, Ruth Wilson, Maura Tierney and Joshua Jackson. I’m constantly lobbying for Tierney, who continues to blow my mind with everything from those perfect, pouty lips to the way she can make my heart melt with a single tear. Last season, the twists and turns were so unexpected – something so refreshing these days when it comes to storytelling – that none of us could’ve ever seen coming what we now have to go into season five knowing (and grieving with, in my case). This is one of of those shows that stands tall from start to finish, and continues to inspire the way character and perspective is conveyed, as well as how we process it ourselves as an audience. I’ve always been fascinated by the same story being told through different goggles – kind of like in The Rules of Attraction, or Go. I can’t wait to see how this show wraps up, as I am pretty certain we move into the final act, which in itself is always a great quality for a series to know when to wrap it up.

4. HERE & NOW

Alan Ball, oh how I love thee. In the evidence of his brilliance, my affection toward Ball’s beautiful writing and ability to conduct such a beautiful cinematic symphony began with Six Feet Under, as it did most. If ever there were a perfect start to finish series… Rare is the artistic bird who can take such a celebrated drama and weave the social and political issues into a horror series – which is what he did with the addictive True Blood, a show that I would find myself equally hypnotized and aroused by. Ball’s latest gem is yet again a celebration of why we love HBO, his observant mind and heart, and ability to recognize genius when he sees it, in regard to casting. The always wonderful Holly Hunter and Tim Robbins headline a cast of brave, beautiful talents – including the tiny miracle that is the birth-child of Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon, Sosie, who is one of my favorite actors/characters in this captivating new drama that celebrates all the feels of our current reality. It’s a mixed blend of understanding the human condition and how people of all walks relate to one another while truggling with matters of the heart and psychological warfare.

3. RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE

For ten seasons now, Queen of Drag, RuPaul Charles has been taking her dynasty and giving it a royal upgrade every season with eye-popping elements that consistently allow this groundbreaking competition series to be one of queer and pop culture’s most celebrated. From the guest judges (Season X premiered with a Farrah Moan-esque Christina Aguilera dolled up for all the queens to gag over, which they did – myself included) to Michelle Visage’s dazzling eyewear collection to the costumes to the casting and the challenges – which get more and more innovative – Rupaul’s Drag Race has become a small empire that has the promise to spinning into so many different types of series and assure celebrity drag careers are a thing of the future, now more than ever. I loved the queens this season, especially my future husband Kameron Michaels (beautiful inside and out, boy or girl) and the well-deserved winner Aquaria. This was the second season in a row for me (I haven’t seen a lot of the previous seasons) where Ru got it absolutely perfect. I’m also a huge fan of Vice’s The Trixie and Katya Show which you should get into as well!

2. THE MARVELOUS MRS. MAISEL

All of the hype surrounding the Golden Globe & Emmy winning Amazon Prime series starring the incomparable Rachel Brosnahan as Mrs. Maisel, is the type of perfection that isn’t all-talk. Everything you’ve heard about this hilarious gem of a binge-worthy comedy is true: the costumes, the production design, the brilliant performances, directing and top-notch writing is on trend with celebrating everything we love about women in the world right now, and the time capsule reminds us of how far everyone has come marching to the beat of optimism and fighting for equality. I’m so happy the great Alex Borstein has been honored and been receiving praise for her work, and rightfully so, as she steals scenes from the great Maisel herself in the latest season. It’s truly one of the best watches out there, so get into it!

1. SCHITT’S CREEK

What started out as a little Canadian sitcom from a then unknown Pop TV, has since become a pop culture phenomenon and one of the small screen’s most celebrated, quoted and adored comedies out there. In Season four, we continue to follow the Rose’s on their journey of personal growth, going from riches to rags in a small bumfuck town where they clearly stick out like a redneck tooth fairy for plenty of good reasons. We already knew Catherine O’Hara and Eugene Levy were totes brilliant, but every season I grow more and more enamored with how crazy talented Dan Levy & Annie Murphy are. Their nuances, the way the arcs of their characters have evolved… it’s like their learning from two comic legends and its working for them every step of the way. This is truly already an iconic, feel good show that is spreading such messages of love and beauty throughout society. Loves it!

[findsomeoneelse]

       This might be a very angsty thing to say but I kind of legit hate my dad. He complains all the time that my brother (who i think probably has depression or something rn) and I don’t help him around the house but 1) when we do he’s a huge asshole, literally calls me retarded all the time bc he’ll verbally tell me like 10 things in a row to do and my ADD ass can’t remember it like that and he often  threatens me as well (and there have been incidents with physical violence between him and me). 2) gives us the most useless and asinine tasks i.e. vacuuming a BRICK PATIO or WASHING ROCKS. 3) will ask us when it’s convenient for HIM, my brother and I are 20 and 21 and have either a job or school and for a while I was doing both. 4) he is NEVER satisfied no matter how much we do. 

        And concerning the physical violence shit I have so much pent up feelings about it. As far as I know he’s never come after my brother like that. He may have hit my mom before but I’m not sure. I just know that once they got into a bad argument or something bc he was being really loud bc of a football game and then suddenly my mom was crying (she doesn’t cry a lot) grabbed us kids and went to our grandma’s. He’s also kicked every dog we’ve ever had, literally drop kicked one through a small tree bc it chewed the blinds and then left him outside to run away while he took off to who knows where to sulk. But my point is he has NEVER treated my brother the way he has treated me and it shows. My brother gets away with avoiding so much work and a fuck-ton of lying. My dad almost never invades his space or commandeers his stuff. I’ve almost failed several big school projects in the past bc he’d randomly decide to punish me or that his stupid yard work was more important and that it was my fault for not accounting for his random chores. 

         I literally keep a bug-out bag in my car and a knife by my bed bc of him. I spent my entire junior and senior years of high school with a stomach ache every single day and horrible insomnia from anxiety bc if he wasn’t threatening me with violence he was talking about kicking me out of the house for no real reason. His response to my worsening mental health was to make jokes or just ignore me when I managed to finally muster up the determination to say something. If my mom hadn’t taken action and helped me get help I’d most likely be dead now. I’m still trying to rebuild my self esteem that he destroyed. Then years after I was on medication (that he was opposed to and mocked, my mom was the only one on top of that) and doing better he had the fucking audacity to ask me about how I was doing. Me being like 16 yrs old I lacked the vocab to say that I feel that he forfeited the right to ask me those things so I just shrugged it off.

          He insults and mocks every friend I have in some way shape or form. He also once told me that some older friends I was extremely close to at the time would eventually get tired of hanging out with an annoying little kid so I should get used to them not being around bc they would leave me. I mean he was right about that, and they were pretty toxic for me but that was really fucked up and I’ll never forget it.

          I finally have a good romantic relationship now, with a boy surprisingly, and he’s so sweet to me. Every time he tells me anything remotely kind I almost fucking cry bc I immediately assume he’s lying or somehow delusional. We had our first sort of disagreement, it wasn’t even that big a deal he had just made a few jokes that had upset me, but I was so terrified to bring it up and was so ready for a fight that when he simply apologized for his behavior and promised to correct it I immediately broke down in tears of relief. I’m so terrified for him to meet my dad bc I don’t want him to belittle and invalidate us, or try and take away all our privacy in a weird attempt at policing my sexuality (he has tried something like this in the past with my brother). I’m also so scared my boyfriend will just assume my dad is a normal nice guy and that I’m crazy, bc my dad is good at appearances. We’re well-off but honestly the only reason my brother and I ever see any of that money is bc of our mom, she handles the finances (and p much everything else around here). 

        That’s another thing I hate is that bc I turned out okay everyone assumes he must be a good parent. I had to work so fucking hard to become who I am now DESPITE him NOT because of him. I had to work so hard to become a kinder person, and learn to motivate, comfort, advocate, take care of myself. I’m an intelligent person (at least i’ve been told I am) bc I work to teach myself, both in school and life. I had to learn all my emotional intelligence and social skills myself. I’m working to make my life good and full of the love I never felt from him and to a slightly lesser extent my mom. I’m still working at it. Which is why I’m just as afraid that he’ll be accepting of my relationship and be “proud” or whatever. Thinking he raised a confident and smart daughter. That he has any right to be a voyeur to my happiness or take any credit for it.  

      I work hard so work through so many issues he caused in me on my own. I work so hard to keep myself from sabotaging my current relationship bc I feel unworthy or like it will just vanish. I still can’t fully grasp that this boy could genuinely like me and feel like I’m worthy of his time and effort bc of how stupid and ugly my dad has made me feel my entire life. I have so many things I want to tell my SO but in the moment feel like I physically cannot get the words out for fear of looking stupid when he finally leaves me. I still have so many walls up with him and I really don’t want to but I can’t get them down bc I’m so fucking scared despite all the evidence he’s given me that he cares about me and just wants to know me. It’s honestly incredible how just having someone like him has changed me for the better. He makes me feel smart and capable, like I can have the life I want. He doesn’t see any of the shit my dad seems to see in me and hate. Like fuck the fact that I only seemed to need one stable and loving relationship in my life to succeed really says something I think. 

       I hate feeling like I can’t talk to my own parents, well mostly my mom, but they really make it impossible. My dad bc you never know what will piss him off or if he even gives a shit and my mom bc she will probably tell him whatever you tell her. I have other adults, my aunt (my mom’s older sister) and uncle (tho he’s a newer addition to the family, they married last year.) but I’m so scared to talk to them in case they slip up and let stuff slip to my parents. My aunt also just doesn’t Get a lot of things like mental illness so she can invalidate ppl and be mean. She does encourage me a lot tho, more than my parents EVER have. 

      My SO doesn’t have much of an idea of my relationship w my family other than it seems strained and we barely talk despite all living together. He sometimes half-jokingly tells me I should spend more time with them or make an effort too, and I don’t tell him that I’m not the one who fucked that up for us. I try not to talk about any of this with him yet, and I honestly don’t know when a good time is or how to go about it. He’s gotten little hints here and there before I change the subject. He has a relatively big family that he regularly spends time with, so I don’t know if he’d understand all this. His dad is a little similar to mine in the sense that he always seems to have weird projects around the house that he drags them into but it doesn’t seem like he’s violent. I honestly don’t know what to say about the physical abuse. I’m so scared of how he’ll react. I’m scared he’ll brush it off, I’m scared he’ll get super concerned or angry for me. I just don’t want it to change how he sees me. People seem to get the impression that I’m confident and that I don’t take shit, and it makes me feel so embarrassed that I let myself be pushed around by my dad.

      If anyone actually reads this post and has suggestions for talking to an SO about this stuff (especially in the case of an abuser being good at manipulation/gas lighting) let me know any suggestions you have. I thought by this point in this rant I’d have some sort of clarity but I don’t really. My dad has been slightly better the last year or so, since we moved to a new house that’s bigger and we’re on opposite sides of it. After one of his worst outbursts (at the beginning of my senior year) I gave him a book about male abuse in an attempt at confrontation but I doubt he read it. He’s been better but I can’t let go of all these feelings. Older people tell me that eventually I’ll forgive him and move on but I honestly don’t want to. I don’t want him to just get away with treating us like garbage. Maybe that makes me petty and childish but I am barely 20 so. It be like that. Might make a separate post about my brother might not. I love him but dudes got issues rn.

[sicshootspeople]

My Christian Journey

This year (2018) has a been a rollercoaster ride for me; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. There are too many ups and down that, I couldn’t handle it myself (See my other blog: #DepressionAndAnxiety). I came to Church as often as I can praying and pleading for guidance during my hardships. But after going to Church I feel that something is missing, maybe my faith wasn’t strong as it was before or I became a Sunday Christian without even knowing it. So I started to have my spiritual journey.

Last August 2018 I started to attend CCF - Christ’s Commission Fellowship (August 5 to be exact). I’ve been watching their videos for the previous months especially Pastor Bong Saquing since my colleague/friend Paulo recommended it to me and I learned a lot from it and started to become curious what it’s like feels like to attend CCF. It was my first time to attend a non-Catholic Church, not culturally shookt (yes millennial) but I was welcomed with a smile from everyone; the Ushers, Church-goers, Pastor in CCF - Las Piñas was welcoming. Even though I was alone, I feel that the Holy Spirit is guiding me. The experience was intimate; from the praise songs, the discussion about the Series - Legit, everything hit me in the heart. After the service, I wanted to go to the Welcome Center but there’s no one there and out of my shyness, I decided to leave and get my coffee at my favorite Coffee Shop and re-read every Bible verse that was discussed during the service.

2nd Sunday (August 12) I was not able to attend the Service because I woke up in the afternoon (sarap matulog eh). 😅 But I watched the live broadcast of the Sunday Message Service entitled “By His Power Be His Witness”. Pastor Ricky Sarthou and Pastor Nett Gochuico discussed our purpose: Sharing the Gospel (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ivAkBh3hGg&t=5s).

3rd Sunday (August 19) I woke up late again but I checked the schedule of CCF - Bay Area and found out that they have a 3 PM service. I was anxious that I will be late because it’s already 2:20 PM and I was still not able to ride a jeep but luckily through God’s will there was no traffic at the expressway. 😁 CCF - Bay Area was a bigger center, the Ushers, Church-goers, Pastor was welcoming. The Usher (I forgot to get her name so I will call her Tita) greeted me and asked if this was my first time to attend the service, I answered no but I cleared that I already attended CCF at LP. The second question that she asked if I wanted to join a D-Group, I answered yes but I cleared that I was not a member yet and I’m still a Catholic; she answered with a smile and said: “It’s okay, everybody’s welcome here”. 😊 The service that I attended was in Filipino-English, but when the worship song was played I was singing along as if I know the lyrics a long time ago. The topic was a replay of last week but I was still amazed by the story of Pastor Nett. When the service ended, Tita ushered me to the Welcome Center and Bro Caesar welcomed me and shared the gospel with the 4 of us (3 are also new to CCF, sorry I forgot their names).  😅 Bro Caesar shared the good side and bad side of the gospel. I was intrigued by his sharing that I immediately searched for it after attending the service. After searching the internet I found a similar article: God is Just (https://www.allaboutgod.com/god-is-just.htm).

4th Sunday (August 26) I attended CCF’s 34th Anniversary at CCF Center, Pasig. Just a background, I was worried if I can attend anniversary at CCF Center because I don’t have extra money left (Yes, #PetsaDePeligro feels) but I remember that I have collected new 5 peso coins in my coin box. After counting all the 5 peso coins, I decided that I will attend the anniversary at CCF Center. I left our house before 12nn because I might encounter traffic heading north. I rode MRT from Taft to Ortigas, luckily my Beep Card still has P75 load so I have extra money for transportation. 😏 After arriving at Ortigas, I checked if I can ride a jeep going to the CCF Center but the route is away so I rode a taxi. The CCF Center was huge and state of the art and a lot of people waiting for the next service. If my memory serves me well, I think I arrived at 1:30 pm so I took a seat near the Welcome Center. After the 12nn service, I entered the auditorium and seated in the center row (3rd row to be exact). The auditorium was huge, I know that it’s huge watching it from live streaming but in person, it’s much larger than expected. Everyone was busy so I decided to take pictures. As usual practice, 30 minutes before the start of service is Prayer Time. The service started with worship and everything was magical, everything was prepared well. The worship was great, all the songs are like arrows strafe into my heart then the message of Pastor Pastor Peter Tan-Chi was heartwarming. He discusses the “Grow in Christlike Compassion” which is rooted in the bible verse Matthew 28:18-20: “And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” also known as “The Great Commission”. And Pastor Peter expounded that our mission is to be a Disciple of Jesus that will make Christ-committed followers. What also struck me is the quote of Pastor Peter: “The greatest tragedy is not death but life for a wrong purpose.” When Pastor Peter asked if someone wanted to promise to his life to follow Lord Jesus Christ, I raised my right hand with confidence. And that day I promised to Lord Jesus that I will surrender my life to follow Him just like a broken vessel, once lost but found, once blind but now I see the amazing grace of Jesus Christ for me. After the service, I patiently waited so that I could personally thank Pastor Bong and Pastor Peter about their impact through my Christian Faith, luckily I was able to take a picture with Pastor Bong but not with Pastor Peter because I was shy to take a picture because my turn was already over.

After the service, I went to the Welcome Center and was welcomed by one of the Ushers (sorry I forgot their names) and joined the group of 2 high school boys that are attending CCF - Elevate. He discussed "What is the Best Decision you've made in your life?" and "The 4 Important Truths that we must know". Truth #1 - God loves you and desires that you have eternal life with Him (John 3:16), have an abundant and meaningful life with Him (John 10:10). Truth #2 - Man has a sin problem that separates him from God; everyone has sinned (Romans 3:23) and the penalty of sin is death (Romans 6:23). He expounded that the Bible talks about Different Kinds of Death; Physical Death (Hebrews 9:27) and Spiritual Death or Eternal Separation from God (Revelation 21:8). He continues with a question “Since sin separates man from God, what is the solution to this problem?”, we answered one by one and he summarised that “We often think that Religion, Good Works, Good Morals are the solution. But there is only one solution from God” which lead to Truth Number 3. Truth #3 - Jesus Christ is God's only way to eternal life. Why? He is the only way (John 14:6), He completely paid the penalty of our sins (1 Peter 3:18), His resurrection proves that He is the Son of God, The Messiah, The Only Living Savior (Romans 1:3-4), He promises eternal life (John 3:36). Truth #4 - We must place our faith in Jesus Christ to save us; we are saved by God’s grace through faith in Jesus Christ alone (Ephesians 2:8-9). Based on Ephesian 2:8-9, if salvation can be expressed in a formula: Faith in Jesus + Nothing from us = Salvation. Good works are not the means to salvation, rather they are the evidence of your salvation. We show our faith in Jesus Christ by 1 - Accepting His gift of eternal life. 2 - Turning away from our sins. Surrendering our lives to Him (Romans 6:23, Matthew 16:24). God promised that you can know today that you have eternal life when you trust in Jesus (1 John 5:13). After the discussion he asks us a question “Are you willing to make a decision to trust and follow Jesus as your Lord and Savior” and we responded Yes and prayed in faith. He finally discussed if we have trusted Jesus Christ then the following things have happened to us: Your eternal life with God begins today (John 6:40). All of your sins are paid and forgiven - past, present and future sins (Colossians 1:13-14). You are a new person in God’s eyes, a new life has begun for you (2 Corinthians 5:17). You became a Child of God (John 1:12). And our session was ended with a prayer; I thanked him and my group-mates for the opportunity to share this wonderful experience at the CCF Welcome Center.

As of today, I’m still attending at CCF Bay Area every Sunday and already have my own D-Group with Kuya Glenn, John Rey and hopefully, I can serve through one of its ministry. My life is imperfect and I am not perfect, I still have my struggle until now. But as I grow, in my relationship with Jesus, He gives me the grace to resist and to overcome sin. I know that my discipleship is gonna be a long journey and my transformation is not yet complete but knowing that my entire being is not mine but God’s, my response is to give my all to Him (Yes all, even love life). Galatians 2:20 NIV says “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Hope that somehow you are inspired with my testimony. I am Lucky Salonoy, once lost but now found by Him who redeems, confirms, strengthens, restores and makes things all new. Soli Deo Gloria! ☝🏼