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plazmafields · 3 years

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“You asked to see me?”

Cullen lifted his head from his work to lock eyes with the mage in his doorway. He sighed as he gestured for Dorian to sit.

“Yes. I have a…problem, of my own creation, that I could use some advice on.”

Dorian lowered slowly into the seat across the desk from Cullen, curiously raising an eyebrow. “I’ll see how I can help.”

“Thank you,” Cullen smiled softly before clearing his throat to continue, “There’s…a person who I continue to find catching my eye, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’d really like them to know how I feel, but I don’t think I have the confidence to tell them with words.”

Dorian blinked several times, a bit taken aback that Cullen was so upfront with his ask for romantic help.

“Well,” he began, shifting forward in his seat, crossing one leg over the other, “I am certainly no expert in women—"

“I never said they were a woman.”

Dorian’s mouth still hung open from his comment. He shut it quickly and nodded, silently asking Cullen to continue.

The Commander sighed, running a hand through his groomed curls. “I’ll be honest: I’ve never really…courted anyone before, so we’re essentially starting from scratch here.”

Dorian gave a comforting smile, “That’s perfectly alright. Perhaps a blank slate is best.”

The mage pulled his chair up, resting his elbows on the desk. “Now, you don’t want to come off too strong too soon. So let’s start very basic: what is something almost anyone would like to receive?”

Cullen looked down at his hands, clasped and nervously twiddling. After a moment of thinking he replied tentatively, “Praise?”

Dorian chuckled, “Yes, that’s true, but let’s think most simply. Something superficial, to start. Something physical…?” he guided.

Cullen’s eyes bounced around Dorian’s features for clues. “Gifts?”

Dorian nodded encouragingly, making a rolling motion with his hand to encourage something specific.

“Such as…flowers?” Cullen said it like a question.

“Perfect!” Dorian Tossed his hands up. “Now the next step is easy, what flowers do they like?”

Cullen sighed, rubbing at his scruff, “No idea. And I’m not sure I have the nerve to ask them.”

“Well you wouldn’t want to do that anyway, you want to bring it up casually. Otherwise, they might catch on to what you’re planning.”

Cullen was still looking away, distracted with his own anxiety. Dorian offered a gentle smile and a friendly suggestion. “Why not get a bouquet? A little mix of everything? That way there’s bound to be something they like in there. After all, it’s the thought, not the gift, that matters here.”

Cullen nodded continuously, deep in thought of what to get for his muse. “Yes…a little of everything. That’s…that’s an excellent idea! I’ll go to Orlais, to a florist, pick out the most exotic things they have, the most colorful, most pungent. It’s perfect!”

Dorian couldn’t help the grin that stretched across his lips at Cullen’s excitement.

“Thank you, Dorian. You’ve no idea how much this helps me.”

“Glad to be of service, my friend.” Dorian rose from his seat, gave a friendly bow, and left Cullen to his plans.

__________

As Dorian sat in his little alcove, reading over a new study, the sound of quick and precise footsteps drew closer. Soon, the Inquisitor, ever nimble on her feet, ran into his nook, a massive smile on her face.

“Have you been out today?”

Dorian glanced over the edge of his book. “Not yet, no.”

She bounced on her toes, “So you haven’t seen the garden?”

The mage raised a brow, closing his book with one hand. “Should I?”

The rouge practically squealed as she gestured for Dorian to follow her.

They were in the main hall in no time, Vivienne calling down from her balcony, “It's simply exquisite, darling! Who knew our Commander had such taste?” Varric shrugging as if to say Not me.

Once outside, Dorian had to push through a wall of onlookers, all gawking at the sight before them. The Inquisitor slipped through almost effortlessly, turning to check for Dorian every few seconds.

Finally, they broke through the crowd and Dorian’s jaw nearly dropped. There were flowers everywhere; no patch of dirt in sight. Flowering ivy spiraled up and around the pillars and railings, columns tangled in vines. Each plain tree had been replaced with a flowering fruit tree; one apple, one cherry, one pear, and one orange.

The Inquisitor squeezed his hand to bring him back, saying in a sigh, “Isn’t it beautiful? Like a magic forest!”

Before he could turn to acknowledge her, the red head was already frolicking like a school girl, skipping and bounding through the garden, hoping to find every flower she could. Dorian watched her with a smile, shaking his head at how adorable she could be.

A sudden realization washed over him as he watched the young woman stand on her toes to reach an apple: she must be Cullen’s secret muse. Watching her enjoy every last bit of the garden, even the new insects that had been attracted by the plants, cemented this truth in his mind. Cullen was head over heels for Lyann Trevelyan.

After spending time with his friend amongst the flowers, admiring every scent, Dorian slipped away to consult Cullen on his next move. As he poked his head into the Commander's office, he saw Cullen excitedly pacing, grinning to himself.

“Do you know what a bouquet is, my friend? Perhaps something was lost in translation last we spoke.” Dorian teased, grabbing Cullen’s attention.

Cullen’s head shot up and he smiled widely, rushing over to Dorian to get his reaction. “Well? What do you think?”

Dorian chuckled at Cullen’ childlike glee. “I think you did an excellent job. Maybe a bit over the top, but I can certainly say it made an impression.”

Cullen nearly melted, “Oh, Dorian, I am so glad to hear it. Your advice was invaluable!”

Dorian grinned as he said lowly, “The Inquisitor especially liked it, might I add.”

Cullen’s eyes went wide as he blushed, straightening his back, “O-oh! Well, I suppose I should have run it past her first, but it’s a bit embarrassing to tell her my intentions. Josephine was good about keeping it confidential.” He rubbed at the back of his neck, glancing to the floor.

Dorian gave a hardy chuckle, “Oh I understand. Now, what did you have planned for the next step?”

Cullen froze. “Next…step? How many steps are there?”

Shaking his head, Dorian grabbed the blond by the shoulders and lead him to his desk.

“May I?” Dorian snatched a quill and paper.

“Step one: a sweet but generic gift to show your interest. Something to casually say ‘I might like you'. You already did that one. Following?”

Cullen nodded, leaning his elbows on the desk as he watched Dorian write.

“Alright. Step two: a more personal gift. Something you know they like. This shows them not only are you interested in them, but you’re interested in their interests as well.”

“Right…” Cullen chewed his lip.

“What is it?” Dorian sighed.

“I don’t know much about their likes. They aren’t very…direct. Ever.”

Well that doesn’t sound like Lyann… Dorian thought to himself.

Dorian had to restrain from rolling his eyes. “Well, in that case, an easy thing to get for someone indecisive is sweets. Candy, chocolate, biscuits, pastries. Things like that. Just get them sweets that remind you of them.”

Cullen looked utterly concerned. “Am I supposed to…guess what they…taste like?”

Dorian stared at him with a blank look, completely astounded. “No. What does that even—no, never mind, please don’t attempt to explain.”

After drumming his fingers on the desk for a moment, Dorian tried to be more clear—though he thought he had been plenty clear before. “Think of how they act, yes? Are they kind and sweet? Flowery and fun? Warm like spice?”

Cullen nodded along, seemly understanding this time.

Dorian smiled, placing a tender hand on the blonds arm. “I’ll leave you to it then."

__________

Several days later and not a word from Cullen, Dorian felt a bit anxious. Had he not been clear enough still? Did Cullen get too nervous to continue? Oh no, did he have a falling out with Lyann; she didn’t return his feelings?

Just as he began to lose himself in his nerves, despite having research to focus on, Dorian caught a subtle whiff of something delicious. It was warm and baked, but chocolatey and rich, and somehow tart all at once. Cullen must have asked the cooks to do their damnedest.

After a while the scent became too much, it was too intriguing, Dorian had to go to the kitchens and see for himself what was being baked. As he descended the stairs to Solas's area, the elf came from the main hall with a plate of goodies. Tarts and cookies and all sorts, laid out decoratively on a porcelain dish.

“My my,” Dorian quirked a brow, “Someone has a sweet tooth it seems.”

Solas didn’t look at him as he replied, “There is a spred out there. I would be a fool to turn down free food. Especially Orlaisian pastries.” He popped a fruit tart into his mouth.

Dorian exited to the main hall and was greeted by long dining tables over flowing with every dessert imaginable. Full cakes, cup cakes, full pies, hand pies, everything he loved and things he hadn’t tried before, but was more than eager to.

Everyone in Skyhold, and a few visiting nobles, huddled around the tables making sure to heap their plates, and at the front of the room, with a towering plate nearly spilling down her shirt, was the ever graceful Inquisitor, shoving candied dates into her gob.

“Well aren’t you looking marvelous today,” Dorian laughed as he approached.

“Hm? Oh, Dorun!” Lyann mumbled through half chewed food.

She took a second to chew and swallow before nearly shouting, “Isn’t this amazing?! Cullen and Josephine planned this in only a few days! I don’t know how they got it all here and kept it so fresh! It taste like it just came from the ovens, or maybe the Maker's own kitchen.” She swooned as she crammed another treat into her mouth.

Dorian chuckled, picking up a plate to load up himself. “Cullen planned this, did he? Any idea why?” He feigned curiosity.

“No idea,” Lyann shrugged, nearly dropping a pudding, “He usually doesn’t care about impressing nobles, so I don’t know who he’s trying to impress. Maybe he just felt like the troops deserved it!”

“Oh, I’d bet he’s trying to catch someone’s attention...” Dorian hinted, but the Inquisitor was already going in for seconds. Well, more like fourths.

Dorian shook his head with a smile as she walked off to her chambers with a mountain of sweets. Just as he began picking out his favorite treats, a soft voice spoke up behind him.

“Have you tried the jam biscuits yet? They’re heavenly. I might actually die if someone doesn’t stop me.”

Dorian turned around just in time to see Cullen with a jam cookie half way to his lips. Just as it was about to touch his tongue, Dorian snatched it away, downing it in one bite.

Cullen looked at him in shock, mouth still open to receive the sweet. They laughed together as Dorian tried to chew the mouthful.

“So? What do you think? Did I hit all the right flavors?”

Dorian chuckled, “If everything under the sun reminds you of them, then yes.”

Cullen sighed dreamily, “Everything…”

Dorian had only seen that look a handful of times, but by the Maker, it was his favorite expression on the blond. That look of complete adoration, losing himself to a daydream. It looked beautiful. He looked beautiful…

Dorian shook his head, reminding himself he was helping the man court someone else. The Inquisitor, of all people. But they seemed like a good match, both very…Ferelden.

When he looked back, Cullen was staring at him with bright eyes, an innocent smirk lopsided on his lips. Dorian smiled back.

“Is everything alright?” Cullen asked so gently.

Dorian swallowed hard before clearing his throat, “Yes, of course. Just thinking about your next step.”

“What’s that?”

Dorian led Cullen to a less crowded area of the hall. “Well, everything you’ve done so far has been very…grand. You may want to think about doing something one-on-one with them, personally.”

Cullen sighed, rubbing his neck. “Right, one-on-one…If you couldn’t tell, I’ve been trying to take an indirect approach.”

Dorian rolled his eyes, “But how are they ever supposed to know it’s you?”

“Well, I thought it would be rather obvious.” Cullen gave him a very confused stare.

“Listen,” Dorian sighed and shifted his weight, “they know it’s you, but you have to show that it’s for them.”

Cullen’s eyes lit up, “Oh! Oh, of course, I should have—I’m sorry Dorian I didn’t understand—”

“That’s alright, I just hope you’ve planned for something one-on-one, because I can’t help you with this next bit.”

“What?” Cullen’s eyes seems almost terrified, losing his only advisor.

Dorian wraps his fingers around the back of Cullen’s neck, pulling him closer so he could hear the whisper, “You must make this personal. I’m always willing to help, but I can’t tell you everything they like and how to fit it all together. That’s up to you, my friend.”

Cullen sighed and let his head fall forward, forehead almost leaning against Dorian’s. “Alright. I’ll try to do you proud.”

The mage smiled reassuringly, “You will, Cullen. Don’t worry.”

__________

After nearly a week without any word, Dorian received a surprise visit just as noon struck.

“Glad to see you haven’t given up. I was starting to wonder if you had gotten cold feet.” Dorian teased, slapping Cullen’s arm playfully.

Cullen grinned wide and chuckled, “Well, I’m not actually here for advice this time. I was wondering if you might come with me. I think I’ve found the perfect place for a date!”

“Oh?” Dorian was shocked by the confidence in the Commander’s voice. “What are we waiting for then? Need I pack a bag?”

“No, it’s not too far.” Cullen eyed him up and down, considering his outfit. “Though I might wear something more casual, were I you.”

Dorian looked down at his attire, about to ask why, when Cullen called back to him, already on his way, “I’ll meet you at the gates in an hour. Don’t be late.”

So he dressed down and packed a bottle of wine to sip at on the ride there. Where ever “there” was; Cullen was being awfully secretive about their destination, only repeating that it was the perfect spot for a date.

Just as the two had run out of things to banter about on the ride, Cullen stopped his horse by a gap in some trees.

“Through here. We’ll have to tie up the horses, I don’t think they’ll make it through the foliage.”

Dorian sighed an exasperate sigh, “Are we in for much of a hike? You know I get more exercise than I truly want while adventuring with the Inquisitor.”

Cullen chuckled and held some leaves out of the way for Dorian to duck under. After a short walk, Cullen looked back and smiled, “I think it’s beautiful out here. Tell me what you think.”

Dorian stepped forward through the last bit of trees to be greeted by the most sparkling, clearest, gentlest lake he’d ever laid eyes on. The water rippled steadily with the slight breeze, waves barely formed yet still enough to rock the lily pads and fallen leaves. The sun was just visible through the trees, but not enough to blind them, slowly lowering in the sky, ready shine orange and pink light across the water when dusk came.

“I…” Dorian couldn’t find his words, “Cullen, this is gorgeous…”

He looked back to Cullen who leaned confidently against a tree, pleased with the mage's reaction.

But as he turned back, Dorian remembered who all this was for, and it put a heaviness in his heart. His eyes dropped as he said “She’ll love this, Cullen. I know she will.”

Long moments went by with no response before Dorian felt a gentle hand on the small of his back.

“Who?” Cullen asked softly, seeing Dorian was upset.

“Lyann, silly. She’ll find this all so lovely, I’m sure.” He had a hard time keeping eye contact with the Commander, curious eyes meaning no ill intent.

“Lyann?” Cullen pulled back slightly. “Why would I bring her—”

Cullen’s eyes went wide as he muttered, “oh no…”

He stepped away to pace, continuing his “no”s under gus breath, thinking of something to say or do to make it right.

“Cullen? I don’t understand, what’s wrong?” Dorian followed his pacing, trying to grab his arm.

“I’ve screwed this up royally, that what’s wrong! Lyann?! You thought this was all for the Inquisitor?”

Dorian stopped in his tracks. “Yes? I saw how much she enjoyed everything you did, so I assumed…”

It struck him like a charging druffalo. “No.” He whispered. “For…for me?”

Cullen looked over his shoulder sheepishly, waiting for a better idea of Dorian’s reaction.

“All of it?” Dorian’s words were hardly voiced, sliding out along a whisper of disbelief.

Cullen turned around fully and began taking cautious steps toward Dorian, trying to gage if his surprise was good or bad.

As Dorian continued to stare forward, slack jawed, Cullen placed a warm hand on his neck, the other finding the mage’s chin and tilting his gaze up to lock eyes.

“Everything. Every flower, every tart, everything. I wanted to give you the world, but I didn’t know how to start. I wanted you to see I would do anything for you, Dorian. You want flower, I’ll plant you a garden. You want sweets, I’ll bring the world’s best bakers to you.”

Dorian’s eyes only showed more confusion. Cullen leaned forward, stopping just before their lips touched to whisper, “I love you.”

“You—” But the words were stolen from his lips as Cullen pulled him in, chest to chest, arms around his waist, surprisingly deft lips making him melt into the blond.

He lost track of time. It could have been seconds, minutes, maybe an hour, before they pulled away, each out of breath and shaking from a single shared shiver down their spines.

“That was…electrifying.” Cullen sighed, hugging the mage close.

Dorian could hardly think straight, just hugging Cullen back as he gathered his thoughts.

After a moment of silence, Dorian finally relaxed against Cullen and said, “I…didn’t think I could be so dense.”

They laughed together, Cullen pulling back to plant a gentle kiss to the mage’s nose.

“But in my defense,” Dorian began, returning to his regular self, “who asks the person they plan on courting for advice on how to court them?”

“Well, you liked everything, didn’t you?” Cullen teased back.

Dorian shook his head, still feeling like this couldn’t be real. But those eyes, those golden eyes…

“I…feel strongly about you, Cullen. I’d dare say I’m smitten.”

Cullen smiled even wider before placing a quick kiss to Dorian lips, stripping off his shoes and tunic with impressive speed, and jumping like a cannonball into the lake. Dorian put his hands up to shield his face from the splash, but his casual clothes soaked up the water on contact.

“Looks like you’ll have to let those clothes dry. What should we do in the meantime?” Cullen called over smugly.

“You little southern…” Dorian shook his head before stripping down and diving in himself, making sure to get Cullen in the face.

They laughed together as they splashed the other back and forth, stopping only to share a passionate kiss.

#da #dai #cullen rutherford #dorian pavus #cullrian #dragon age inquisition #dragon age

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sintheyokai · 5 years

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El Día para La Glotonería y La Lujuria

Oct 19th: Food play || Sounding || Rimming/Analingus

Fandom: Ikemen Vampire

Suitor: Arthur x Karmick (OC)

Dedicated to: @alloveroliver

Additional tags: Semi public sex, orgasm denial, quickie, AU! (in which everyone makes it out the door, so we’ll call it modern AU for now), this is just fluff with a bit of a quickie at the end and I’m convinced it’s my worst one.

*Karmick is my OC and the female presenting form of Gluttony

**Y’all this is for Day of the Dead! Y’all I did more research on this to refresh myself!! Although I’m ashamed that I had to because I myself am half Mexican.

***(Bold writing such as this are translations. The title translates to: The Day for Gluttony and Lust)

He stared at the brightly colored paper cutouts that hung on a string above him. So intricate, perhaps Vincent would learn to make some. He suddenly heard his name.

“Aaaaaarrrrrrthuuuuuuuur!”

He turned to see his girlfriend, Karmick, running over to him, carrying a large sack.

“There she is, the love of my life! Why the sack?”

“Oh this? It’s cempasuchitl!”

“Se- Sem what?”

Mick drooped her head, but perked back up almost instantly, “Cempasuchitl! Sem-pah-soolt-chee! Marigolds!”

“Ah! Well, you could’ve simply said marigolds, Mick.”

“Yeah, but they’re very specific! This holiday only uses this specific variation of marigold.”

Arthur nodded as they began to walk down the crowded street.

“What is this holiday, anyway? You never did tell me in your call.”

Mick bounced up and down, running ahead to turn around and walk backwards with a huge grin plastered on her face.

“This, Arthur, is el Día de los Muertos!”

He grew puzzled but smiled.

“Muerto… That sounds like what Leonardo has said, morte.”

“Well they mean similar things! ‘Morte’ is death, while ‘muerto’ is dead. ‘Los muertos’ is ‘the dead’. 'Día’ means 'day’ as I’m sure you assumed.”

“So… 'Day of the Dead’?” He asked. Mick nodded, and he looked around.

“Why is everyone celebrating? You would think a holiday of death would be mournful and calm.”

“Well, in my experience, it’s calmer at night. But to answer your real question: People celebrate it because it’s the day their passed loved ones get to visit from the Land of the Dead-that’s what the cempasuchitl’s for!”

“Oh?”

“Yeah! Since they’re bright and pungent, they guide the souls to their ofrendas-their memorials.”

“And these… ofrendas, what are they decorated with?”

“Lots of things! The dead’s personal belongings, their favorite foods, candles, pictures, the like! C'mon, here’s a street with some.”

And sure enough, upon turning a corner, there was a small neighborhood, littered with the brightly colored petals leading to an assortment of equally bright ofrendas. He took a deep breath, various scents filling his nose.

“Smells good, right?” She asked, “Everyone on this street knows me, so I can stop by any house to grab some food in exchange for the cempasuchitl.”

“Then perhaps we can… try something new~”

“You’re implying something and I’m not sure I know what it is.”

Arthur put an arm around her shoulder as they walked down the street, “Well, a little angel told me about how you and him did this thing called food play last year on Hallow’s Eve. I like the idea, personally.”

Mick was silent for moment as they approached the first house and rang the doorbell.

“I’ll have to tell La Catrina why we’re late then. I always visit her-she’s kinda like the goddess of Día de los Muertos.”

Arthur smirked, “Fine by me!” he said, nipping at her neck enough to get her worked up as the door opened to reveal a rather short elderly woman.

“¡Ay, Karmick!”‘ she cried, pulling the demon into a near suffocating hug.

“¡Hola, Abuelita! Estoy aquí por la comida.” (Hello, Granny! I am here for the food.)

The old woman laughed and smacked Mick in the shoulder, “¡Gracias por ser honesto conmigo! Dios mío…” (Thank you for being honest with me! Jesus Christ…)

The woman walked in, with Mick close behind, but Arthur stayed outside. That is, until Mick turned around.

“Arthur, you can come inside! Abuelita says her door is always open to friends of mine!”

As he took a step forward, he heard an accent from the back, “Oh? Does he not speak Spanish?” Abuelita peeked her head out from the kitchen. Karmick shook her head.

“No. Es de Europa. Un gringo blanco.” (No. He is from Europe. A white foreigner.)

Abuelita snorted, “¡Callete, tú también una persona blanca!” (Be quiet, you are also a white person!)

Now it was Mick’s turn to snort, only much louder than Abuelita. The latter approached Arthur and hugged him.

“Hola, chico, my name is Rosita. But, as you’ve heard from Karmick, you may call me Abuelita.”

“Thank you, it’s nice to meet you, I’m Arthur. I’m one of Mick’s lovers.”

Rosita raised an eyebrow and turned to the demon, “¿Tienes más de uno?” (You have more than one?)

Karmick nodded before holding up two fingers. The old woman’s eyes widened.

“¿Dos?¿Quién es el segundo?” (Two? Who is the second?)

“Vincent, Abuelita. Te hablé de Vincent, él es un ángel.” (Vincent, Granny. I told you about Vincent, he is the angel.)

“Oh, the sunflower angel? And who is this then?” she glanced back at Arthur for a second before returning to Karmick. A mischievous smile crept onto her face, and Arthur suddenly feared for his safety.

“Es un hombre fácil coqueto.” she said. (A flirtatious manwhore.)

Rosita whipped around to look at him. He figured he was in trouble.

“What did I do?”

“I called you a manwhore. Don’t worry Abuelita, he’s changed since he met me.”

“I would hope so!” she cried, “Dios mío, come along now! You came to pick up food.” the trio made their way to the kitchen, “I assume you have the petals? I’m running low again this year- I think your sibling has been taking them.”

“Indi es el pecado de la codicia, Abuelita, tú sabes esto.” (Indi is the sin of Greed, Granny, you know this.)

“Sí, pero ojalá tuvieran algo de moderación.” (Yes, but I wish they had some restraint.)

A wave of different scents hit Arthur as he entered the small kitchen, both savory and sweet.

“You’ve never tried any verdadera cocina mexicana, have you?” Rosita asked. Arthur desperately wanted to answer, but couldn’t find the words to answer.

“No, he hasn’t. You don’t get true Mexican cuisine in America and Europe, Abuelita.” Karmick smirked. Rosita pulled out a basket. It smelled amazing.

“Hay tres pasteles de tres leches, empanadas, churros, pan de muertos, tamales, y calaveras. Y…” (There is three milk cake, empanadas, churros, bread of the dead, tamales, **sugar skulls, and…)

She discreetly put something in Karmick’s hand. She peeked for but a second before going red.

“Abuelita no.”

“Abuelita sí. Tomarlo. Necesitarlo.” she pushed Karmick over to Arthur, then proceeded to shove them out the house, “Now go! Go and have fun, you two!”

Now outside, the demon found herself being dragged off by the author to a back alley a few blocks away from Abuelita Rosita’s house. She nearly dropped the basket as Arthur pushed her up against the wall, immediately kissing her neck and moving her top and skirt out of the way.

“A-Arthur!” she moaned, managing to place down the treats, “C-Can’t you wait?”

“I think not, love~ We already have so much to use, I’d hate to wait and see what’s left- let’s use it now!”

With that, he opened the basket of goodies, pulling out a slice of tres leches cake and a spoon. Slowly, he took a bit of the fluffy, creamy icing and spread it over her rosy buds. As he took one into his mouth to suckle, he spread more down her stomach and over her wet slit.

“Ah, it’s so sweet, Mick! Your Abuelita must be a master at baking: the icing only makes me want you more~”

She flushed, moaning as he sucked her other bud clean before lapping up the cream further down. Down, down, down until he was breathing heavily on her warm folds

She didn’t have time to register his tongue sucking and licking furiously at her heat, as Arthur suddenly spread her lips and put a churro in between them. Karmick’s hand flew to her mouth as she gave a loud moan. But it was out of her almost as soon as it was in, and she whined.

“Arthuuuur~ Come o-ah!”

Arthur had shoved his tongue deep inside her, pumping it in and out, making sure to not miss a single speck of cream or a grain of sugar.

She was so close, she could barely stand the pleasure, she felt the pleasure grow, and grow, and just as it nearly tipped over the edge…

His tongue was out.

She cried out in frustration, not caring if anyone heard. She pouted at him, sticking out her bottom lip. Arthur chuckled.

“Now Mick, don’t give me that look!” he smirked, picking up the basket and standing over his girlfriend, “I’ll give you plenty more after our visit to your friend, La Catrina.”

She nodded in agreement, albeit still giving him a pouty lip. He handed her the container that held the now nearly naked slice of cake.

“Care to finish this off, dear?” he asked. She nodded, taking the whole thing with her hand and practically inhaling it. Chuckling, the duo exited the alley, making sure no one came and spotted them. As they did, Arthur felt the need to ask.

“What is my primary sin?”

Mick raised an eyebrow, but answered anyhow, “Well, it’s a tie between Greed and Lust. I’d kinda have to go with Lust.”

“And what, might I ask, is the spanish word for Lust?”

“La lujuria. Or simply lujuria.”

And how do you say Gluttony?” he then asked.

“La glotonería. That’s also a way of using the word Greed.”

“So we are Lujuria y Glotonería!”

Karmick laughed, and a they continued on their way as she said:

“Sí, Arthur, la lujuria y la glotonería están caminando por la calle.” (Yes, Arthur, lust and gluttony are walking down the street.)

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikevam #ikevamp arthur #ikevam arthur #ikevamp oc #ikevam oc #AllOverKinkTober #kinktober #my smut #smut

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galfridus1 · 5 years

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Happy Birthday Elizabeth!

Happy Birthday!!! I’ve had a full-on time of it at work the last couple of weeks so this is just a quick thing, with many thanks to @kuronekotchiiiiouu for her brilliant ideas :)

This is set just after King joins the Sins.

“We need to clean this place up.”

Meliodas grinned broadly as Ban shot him a bored look. It was good to be back with the immortal misfit. “Do we have to?” the man groaned as he looked round the room. The Boar Hat was indeed a bit of a mess: the place smelled of sweat and pungent hops, chairs were upturned, the table surfaces were sticky and there was some sort of weird substance in one of the corners, spread out like gloop over the cobbled stone floor. A normal sight for a morning after he and Ban had been at the ale.

Without answering his friend, who was sprawled out like a rag doll over one of the tables, Meliodas sprang to his feet, picking up empty dishes with an energetic clatter, not even caring as Ban winced at the noise. “Everyone has to help, even you King,” he called up to the ceiling, where the fairy was floating loftily on his pillow. King gave a wide yawn, before drifting sedately down to the ground, looking at Meliodas with bleary eyes.

The fairy was evidently on the point of making some sort of a protest when the sound of trotters heralded Hawk’s entrance into the room, his snout held proudly in the air. “Did someone say clean? Way ahead of you!” he snorted before running to the corner and making short work of the mysterious stain. Ban cackled and King turned slightly green as Meliodas resumed his task. “Come on,” the Captain said more sternly to his companions, who were still, he noticed, doing nothing at all.

“What’s going on?” The sound of Diane’s voice at the window made King fall off his pillow. “D-Diane,” mumbled the fairy as his face turned red. “G-good morning.”

“And good morning to you!” Diane said with a bright smile, and Meliodas could not quite suppress his smirk as King’s face grew even redder. “But Captain, why are you cleaning up so early?” Diane asked as she peered into the bar, her head too large to fit through the opening. “Elizabeth’s not even down yet.”

“It’s her birthday. Today. I want to give her a surprise,” Meliodas declared as he started wiping down the surfaces. “I thought we could clean up and throw her a party. You cook, Ban, and make her a cake and I’ll take her to get a present from the nearest village.”

Diane squealed, her face lighting up with a smile, the noise almost drowning out King’s retort. “But why do we have to celebrate her birthday?” asked the fairy. “It’s just a day like any other. It’s meaningless.”

“Humans like celebrating their birthdays.”

Meliodas moved on to the glasses, polishing them with the same cloth he had used to wipe down the tables. He considered changing it, then shrugged his shoulders. The patrons would never know about the shortcuts he took.

“Speak for yourself~” Ban fluted, but he sat up straighter on his stool, pulling his long body off the table. “But I’m in, I guess. I’ll bake her a cake. She is a princess.”

“Come on, King! Please!” Diane whined as she practically quivered with her excitement. “Elizabeth would love a party, I know she would.” King looked at Diane, turning a funny shade of puce before collapsing back onto Chastiefoil, a slight nod his only sign of assent. Meliodas grinned as Ban moved to the kitchen, the sounds of pots and pans clanking together as he worked. Operation party was well and truly underway.

***

Half an hour later, Elizabeth came down the stairs, feeling a cold dread in the very pit of her stomach. How could she have slept in so late? Meliodas was relying on her to be his eyes and ears and now she had failed. She blinked rapidly, trying to suppress the urge to cry, so agitated she nearly missed the sight of her blonde saviour standing at the foot of the stairs.

“Yo!” Meliodas’s face was as sunny as ever, his head cocked a little to one side. “Glad you’re up! You ready to go out? We’re going shopping.”

“Um… okay!” Elizabeth smiled, her fingers playing with the hem of her shirt as she looked nervously around the bar. It was a lot cleaner than she had expected. Normally she spent the morning righting the wrongs of the previous evening, wiping down surfaces and straightening furniture before tackling the mountains of washing up the Sins and the bar’s customers generated. But she could see there was nothing for her to do, and that thought made her miserable. It was not until she felt Meliodas’s hand in her own that she looked up and saw that he was still smiling. “Come on,” he said again, and, relenting, she allowed him to tug her out of the Boar Hat.

The pair moved through the countryside, stepping lightly over lush meadows and jumping over brooks. The air was fresh and clean, the smell of grass after rain invigorating her senses almost as much as did talking to the man beside her. Meliodas seemed in an affable mood as he spoke of the places the Boar Hat had traveled, telling her of the dark peace of deep caves and the sight of the sunrise from the peaks of the mountains.

Time passed quickly until they arrived at the village, with its whitewashed walls and roofs of thatched straw. It was almost too perfectly pretty, trails of honeysuckle and ivy crawling lazily over the buildings, almost swallowing some of the shuttered windows. The pair moved through the streets and Elizabeth gazed into the shop windows, laughing as children ran past her, chasing one another in a game. It was very removed from her life in the palace and she was surprised she felt quite so at home.

As they meandered around, Meliodas spent money, in a way that made Elizabeth gasp. The princess raised an eyebrow as her companion paid for an extremely large bunch of flowers, perfect yellow roses and fragrant sprigs of lavender set amidst a sea of green leaves. “They’re beautiful,” she exclaimed as Meliodas handed them to her with a flourish, her cheeks burning red as she stuttered her thanks, her heart thumping wildly in her chest.

“They’re for the bar,” Meliodas said proudly as he grinned, his green eyes sparkling in the sunlight. “They’ll brighten the place up a bit. We need to attract more customers if we’re going to track down the others. Hawk and I cleared up this morning, King and Diane are looking for interesting ingredients and Ban is cooking up a storm. Hopefully that’ll do the trick.”

“Oh! Or course,” Elizabeth said with a smile that covered up the crushing blow she had felt. She wanted so much to be useful, to do anything that would repay Meliodas for his kindness, for his bravery. Swallowing hard, she trailed behind as her companion slipped down the street, procuring bright, red strawberries and thick, yellow cream from the vendors. It was unusual to see him spend so freely and she bit her lip as Meliodas cheerfully handed over fistfuls of gold.

Finally they came to an abrupt stop outside of a small boutique. Elizabeth gazed and gazed at the colourful display of dresses in every style and every fabric imaginable, pressing her hands up against the glass. “Let’s go in,” Meliodas suggested and before Elizabeth could even begin to protest she found herself being pulled into the shop.

“Hey! I’d like to buy a dress for the lady,” Meliodas called and at once a shop assistant had made her way to them and immediately began fussing over Elizabeth, measuring, examining, and finally ushering her over to one of the dressing rooms. There she tried on outfit after outfit. The experience was a little embarrassing but it mostly fun, and soon Elizabeth began to relax. Then all of a sudden the assistant cried, “Oh! Oh my. This is the one!” and the princess let herself be led out of the changing room to stand before Meliodas, who had gone a bit pale.

“D-do you like it?” asked the princess tentatively. She checked her reflection in the full length mirror, and she sucked a quick intake of breath. She had seen herself in formal gowns before but none had made her look quite this radiant.

Meliodas nodded. “You look amazing,” he murmured, before his eyes trailed to the carpeted floor. The shop assistant came over to him and they talked price as Elizabeth stared into the mirror, marvelling at the strange beauty of her reflection. The white gown was fitted and flowing, hugging her curves, the lace pattern of the straps which travelled across her back resembling a pair of dainty wings. “Doesn’t she look like an angel,” the assistant said proudly and Elizabeth saw the colour bleed a little from Meliodas’s cheeks.

“Yeah, wear it home,” Meliodas said with a gulp. “You look… you’re beautiful.”

***

She wanted to ask him about his reaction on their walk back to The Boar Hat, but the pre-prepared sentence which played over and over in her mind kept getting stuck in her throat. They moved in silence, the humming of insects and the faint rustle of leaves in the gentle summer wind failing to drown out the doubt running through Elizabeth’s brain. Would he tell me? she worried to herself as the wandered, or would he just brush me off, like he always does? It was with a heavy heart that she saw the glow of The Boar Hat in the distance, knowing she had forfeited the chance to ask her question.

But her melancholy did not last for long. As they crested a hill and looked down at the bar, Elizabeth let go a low cry. The place was aglow, every lantern lit, the warm light mingling with the golden rays of the setting sun. The outside of the bar was strung with bunting, pink, blue and purple triangles that swayed a little in the breeze. On the ground was spread a large, red and white chequered tablecloth laden with cheese, roasted meat, rosy apples and dark crimson cherries, bread sliced ready with butter placed in a dish at its side. There were also pies and a warm looking stew which rested in a steaming pot atop an old tree stump, and an enormous cake set in the middle of the spread, the tiered confection slathered liberally with icing and cream and decorated with black berries and sugared violets. Elizabeth stared and stared, unable to speak. She had known it was her birthday of course, but had not expected any form of celebration.

“Surprise!” Diane yelled as she bounced excitedly up and down on the balls of her feet, the breeze created enough to make King drift into the branches of an oak tree.

“Yeah, happy birthday princess.” Ban handed Elizabeth a plate, then pulled the cork from a bottle of ale with his teeth. Meliodas handed her the flowers, with a mumbled “Happy birthday,” before shooting off to join Ban in what swiftly turned into a drinking contest. Elizabeth allowed Diane and Hawk to sweep her into the celebrations, blushing a little as they pressed food upon her and cooed over the presents Meliodas had purchased. The air grew colder as the sun sank below the horizon, the cool of the night settling over her skin. Meliodas sprang up to her, pulling a shawl from his bag and draping it carefully over her shoulders. He opened his mouth as if to speak, then flashed her a smile, before shouldering his pack and walking away from the party.

“I’m just going for a walk,” Meliodas called over his shoulder. “Back in a tick.”

“Wha-- where--” Ban staggered a little, then fell down to the ground, his head resting in what was left of the cake. Diane rolled her eyes, then pulled his face from the confection, letting the pig do what he did best and clean up the mess.

Elizabeth turned Ban over onto his side, checking he was comfortable before straightening up. “Um… thank you all so much,” she stuttered as she looked at King and Diane. “This is the best birthday I have ever had. But, um… can I ask? How did you all know it was my birthday?”

“The Captain told us, silly,” Diane said with a grin.

“But… um… how did he know?” asked Elizabeth.

King frowned at this, then floated over to the princess. “Well, we Sins did live in Liones when you were a child,” he said thoughtfully. “The Captain must have remembered. But it does seem unlike him. He doesn’t normally hold on to these sorts of details.”

“Oh, of course!” Elizabeth said, the confusion she had felt fading away. She had felt something odd, some edge of an image, rain pattering down on a gloomy street, a large monolith of a monster standing before her, spear in hand. On hearing King’s explanation she felt her lungs expand, breath coming more easily as the vision drifted to nothing. The Sins had lived in Liones; Sir Meliodas would have known her family; no doubt they had celebrated her birthday before. He would be back soon, and she could always ask…

Meliodas gazed at the landscape before him. The night was cloudless and the silver light of the moon shone with unrelenting clarity on the ground below. The pleasant green of the grass suddenly stopped at the deep scar on the earth he himself had created. “Danafor,” he murmured to himself as he stared into the hole that had swallowed the kingdom he had once called home, and the life he had shared with a beloved holy knight. He swallowed hard, suppressing the sudden wave of fury and pain. Seventeen years had passed, but Liz still burned bright in his hearts, as did the rest of the women he had seen ripped away from him.

“This is the last time, Elizabeth, I promise,” he whispered to the wind as he closed his eyes, blotting out the sight of the dark chasm before him.

#nnt #fanfiction #elizabeth #meliodas #diane #king #hawk #ban #happy birthday elizabeth

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doihaveanaccentyet · 7 years

Text

Il Ritorno

It’s been three years and I’m back. Back to Europe, back to crying on a transatlantic flight, and back to writing about it. It’s a little bit weird, I think, to resurrect my college study abroad blog, but it was kind of a condition of me being invited on this trip. A promise is a promise! So here goes:

To provide some back story, my parents let my brother and I know in the fall that they were planning a two-week European trip for Memorial Day weekend. At the time, Corey was a few months into college and couldn’t think of anything worse than spending a week+ with his family, when he could be wasted in the desert (I assume) of El Paso Texas at some horrible-sounding music festival. My parents told me they wouldn’t be taking me unless Corey came too. So, thank you Corey for realizing what a colossal mistake it would have been to miss Italy for EPT.

We left on Tuesday, May 23rd, at 5pm to land in Rome at 7am. This is a horrible time to fly overnight and why my mom thought giving me a quarter of a 0.5 milligram Xanax dosage would suffice is unclear to me. After 8 hours of in and out naps, we landed in Rome. A family friend told me before we left that the Rome airport was the worst airport he’d ever been to. And he was right! There was absolutely NO rhyme or reason to customs there. The lines were really just crowds that zig zagged through the airport until we reached the 3 working customs officers, who barely paid attention to our passports and made us feel EXTREMELY secure. It smelled AWFUL; college kids arriving to study in Rome for the summer after an overnight flight should be required to spray themselves down before exiting the aircraft.

When we finally made it through customs, we ran to our rental car and got on the road to begin our trip: 6 nights in San Donato, Tuscany with two day trips to Florence, and finally an afternoon and evening in Rome before Corey and I fly home and my parents continue on for another week relaxing in Positano. Three hours of sleep later, my mom had driven us to the quintessential Italian village of San Donato. It was literally the most Italian place on earth. We stayed at an adorable bed and breakfast run by a woman named Maria who baked a delicious olive oil cake every day. At the corner store – where you could buy lottery tickets, limoncello, and a freshly sliced prosciutto sandwich – three old men sat outside smoking cigarettes day and night. And old ladies walked up and down the streets yelling to friends in their apartments above. The view from our rooms overlooked the many, many vineyards of Tuscany and was just gorgeous. It was all out of a movie.

We spent that first afternoon walking around the 700-person village (we’re fairly certain this is a major exaggeration of the population of this town). And we ate dinner right outside our door at La Toppa, an adorable “Michelin star” restaurant. Let me begin by saying yes, it was delicious. Especially the Ribolita, which was an important find for our family (this traditional Tuscan bread and vegetable soup was a big hit among the soup-obsessed Joskowitz clan). But what we quickly learned was every halfway decent restaurant in Italy had a sticker saying it was Michelin rated. So while it was a delicious and reliable dinner during our days in San Donato, it probably wasn’t as special as we first assumed it would be.

On Thursday, my mother’s birthday, we spent the day in Florence with a tour guide who ushered us through our ONE day of museums for the trip. She was so sweet and not judgmental when we informed her she can leave us at Gusta Pizza for our one hour lunch break. Probably one of the most well-known dining establishments in Florence (by Americans) I was in all my glory. I think about Gusta Pizza almost daily since I first had it during my visit to Florence three years ago and it was just as good as I remembered. The spicy salami. The way the melted cheese, sauce, and olive oil meet in the middle of the uncut personal pie so you can rip off the crust and dip it into the little pool of perfection. I love it. And to make the experience even more sweet, One Direction was playing when we walked in. Meaningful.

We spent the rest of the day seeing the sights, buying leather jackets from Massimo (who probably rips off every American under the sun but no one cares) and listening to my mom talk about it being her birthday. We completed the day with an Aperol Spritz in one of the many beautiful squares in Florence and finally dinner at Trattoria Gobbi 13, home of the best cheesecake I’ve ever eaten. Many people accuse me of saying everything is the BEST or the WORST I’ve ever had/done/seen. But I can back this statement up: I literally have not eaten cheesecake since I ate it here three years ago because I no longer feel it necessary to eat a block of cream cheese knowing there is a heaping, messy pile of ricotta and crust and berries out there in the world. It’s simply THE BEST. My mom ordered mushroom fettuccini which was the highlight of the savory portion of the meal. And we got her an extremely decedent chocolate cake with a candle to celebrate her life, which we are all so thankful for. She only cried a little while we sang to her, which we were also thankful for.

We then proceeded to drive home. And by drive home I mean we drove into the city of Florence (from the outskirts where we parked) in 237407 circles because google maps kept telling us to turn the wrong way down one way streets. When we finally got out my dad and brother were fuming in the front seats while mom and I were hysterical in the back

I should probably take a moment to mention the beauty housed in the many museums of Florence. But, the most important one, the Gucci Museum was closed. So there was that. We saw many paintings and sculptures by Michelangelo, Da Vinci, and other artists that put me to sleep while reading history books in middle school, but the David was what really struck me.

About 7 years ago my mom and I went to Paris. Like most people, we went to the Louvre to see the great Mona Lisa. Like all people, we were outraged to find that it is about the size of a post card, and preserved behind a several foot-deep glass box. The David was the opposite. It was humongous, and we could get up close enough to take a decent selfie with his penis! It was really stunning and a wonderful way to end our day of pretending to care about the different art styles of the renaissance.

On Friday we visited Siena, which Rick Steves, author of many tour books, called the best square in Italy. It was a beautiful town high up on a hill full of beautiful castles, extremely boring museums, and many opportunities to drink an Aperol Spritz! We ate crappy pizza in the square that we regretted immediately after as we should never ever have settled for a tourist trap in the town’s center. We should have been more patient and eaten somewhere off a narrow side street that would have blown our minds. But we live and we learn.

Later that night we headed further into Tuscany for a cooking class at a lovely Dutch couples’ home. Why Dutch and not Italian? No clue. Did the teacher listen when my mom emailed saying some of us don’t like cheese (dad) or seafood (dad)? Absolutely not. Did we each go home with about 57 mosquito bites? You bet. That being said, it was truly a night I’ll never forget. From holding on for dear life as we drove down windy roads with little signage, to watching my brother and father have internal breakdowns upon seeing tuna roll ups and lemon ricotta gnocchi on the menu, to getting yelled at twice for almost ruining the one saving grace of the meal, flourless chocolate cake - it was so much fun. We all participated in cooking various parts of the meal, while the teacher, an older woman, told us about her days of being a doctor all over the world, and finally settling into retirement with her husband on this insanely gorgeous farm in Tuscany, where they grow fruits and vegetables all spring, summer, and fall, and retreat to the city of Florence for the winters. Her husband popped in and out of the kitchen close-talking to each of us at one point or another. He toured us around their property to show us their chickens, olive trees, rose garden, infinity style pool, and herbs growing in the backyard. The inside of the house was completely modern, with stainless steel appliances and a marble countertop in the kitchen which was boxed in by floor to ceiling glass windows and doors. It was truly one of the most stunning properties I’ve ever seen, especially as we ate the tasteless mean during sunset.

A fun fact we learned about Tuscany is way back when, other cities didn’t like Florence, (this is the abbreviated version of history) so they didn’t deliver salt to the Tuscan region. And boy was this true! No one in the area cooked with much salt, if any, so all three dinner courses – tuna and olives wrapped in grilled zucchini, lemon ricotta gnocchi, and herb grilled turkey (extremely random, yes) – were basically tasteless. Well, the tuna tasted like olives, the gnocchi tasted like nothing, and the turkey tasted like herbs. But everything was salt-less. And if you know me, you know my love of sodium, so we struggled. Still, we obviously licked every plate clean, including the rich chocolate cake topped with homemade whipped cream and fresh raspberries. Then we spent the whole car ride home talking about how bland everything was. At least we were polite!

Saturday morning after breakfast we headed to Radda, another small town in Tuscany full of cheese and salumi shops, lined with bags of colorful pasta and pungent truffle oils. We stumbled upon a restaurant below a medieval castle, where my mom and I shared a wine tasting of 8 wines, and we all ate lunch. I was healthy and had spaghetti with fresh veggies, Corey attempted to find a spicy, salty dish in a spaghetti arrabiata but failed, and my mom had truffle ravioli. Going into this trip, the smell of truffle could ruin my meal. I live in fear of sending food back in restaurants but if my meal ever came with a touch of truffle oil I had to ask for a new one. I am a changed woman! One bite into my mom’s ravioli she was crying. This time, because it was simply the best lunch she’s ever had. And this woman eats at all the top restaurants in New York City, but said this was the best lunch she’s ever eaten. So I had to taste. And it was incredible. Mostly because it was smothered in butter, my favorite condiment, but the truffle was delicious so long as I didn’t take a huge huffing smell of it. My palate became sophisticated right before our very eyes

We spent a little while longer walking around the tiny town, but these photos will probably never be seen because I wore a semi maxi dress with sneakers and looked extremely religious this day. My dad NEVER tells me I look bad in anything but he probably told me 12 times how weird/fat/religious I looked in this get up. It was true.

We then visited a little winery town called Volpaia where we walked uphill for maybe 2 minutes and then had to sit for an hour and drink an Aperol Spritz. When I say we are the laziest sack of shit family I do not lie. Any time during the entire trip we spent more than 4 minutes in the sun or traveled up more than one flight of steps we proceeded to sit for double that amount of time afterward.

We ended our Saturday night in San Gimignano at a family owned winery, Tenuta Torciano, for a tasting and dinner. As they usually host larger groups, we had a private tasting for 4 in a room lined with barrels of wine. The meal was absolutely delicious, which none of us were expecting. It began with a small salad with salumi and home made pecorino cheese drizzled with 30 year-aged balsamic vinegar, and was followed by grandma’s lasagna with just the right balance of meat and ricotta. My dad and brother then shared a Florentine style steak while my mother and I shared wild boar, which was the most perfect love child of pulled pork and short ribs. It was so tasty and reminded me what it’s like to taste salt. It was the best thing my father ate (he finished mine because I ate his lasagna because I am gluttonous) during our entire trip. The meal ended with vanilla gelato drizzled with the aged balsamic, which was the perfect combination

We tasted unlimited wines, about 10 in total, and by tasted I mean my mom finished all of her tastings and most of the rest of ours. One can assume how this night ended. (tears, falling, blackout, etc.)

Sunday morning we visited another tiny medieval town (that’s basically all Tuscany/Chianti is. A cluster of wineries and tiny, steep towns with delicious treats and stunning views), Val di Pesa. Here we had lunch on the side of cliff where I had my most mediocre meal of goat cheese ravioli in a roasted red pepper sauce. Corey on the other hand had an incredible skirt steak smothered in shaved black truffles. It was so delicious and rich.

And then we traveled to an extremely modern winery right off the highway, Marchesi Antinori, which sticks out like a sore thumb in a country of old, basically ancient buildings. We took a 30-minute tour and tasted their nasty chianti (we simply do not like chianti) and sweated our asses off as we roamed the rolling property. We finally retreated to the mediocre air conditioning in our rental car and drove back to the town of San Gimignano to visit the actual town square and taste what the kind people from Tenuta Torciano told us was the best gelato in Italy. They did not disappoint! I had a cone with mint, stracciatella, and cinnamon. Random combination, yes, but each was as delicious and flavorful as the next. We stopped in many little shops to admire the cheeses and purchase a red pepper flake grinder (important). We finished our day at La Toppa next door and ordered all new things. We ate outside and had an easy, tasty last dinner in San Donato until everyone’s allergies acted up and we caused a scene with our sneezing fits and had to go back to our B&B.

Monday morning we headed back into Florence for a day of shopping and eating. We drove directly to Piazza Michelangelo, skipping the hundreds of steps required from the city, to see the breathtaking view of Firenze. It is truly the most picturesque city and we were lucky to have perfect weather every day of our time in Italy. After taking 80 pictures of the same view, we drove closer into the city and began the feeding frenzy at l‘Antico Noe, a delicious sandwich shop that I had also visited during my last trip. We each ordered a different variation of prosciutto on bread and ate them with smiles on our faces and crumbs falling out of our mouths at a small table outside. When I ate at the same table three years ago I was hit by a man on a bike and I’m happy to report this did not happen again. (I’m sure I don’t need to mention this but for anyone wondering, no I did not drop my sandwich when I fell off my chair after being hit by the bike.)

Shopping was our main goal of the day and that goal was accomplished. All 4 of us left with treats (mostly leather), some larger some smaller. And we were all happy. We also returned to Massimo where he threw in free keychains and a free wallet probably because he feels a little bad for scamming us and everyone we know whose ever gone to him (everyone we’ve ever met whose been to Florence). La Giostra was our final dinner destination. I had eaten here 3 years ago as well but was not a fan. At the time I was apparently not the champion eater I am now, and after 3 days in the city I was sick of eating. I don’t even think I ordered my own dish, but tasted a few others and was not impressed. Nonetheless, this place was recommended by both locals and friends from home so we luckily got the last reservation available. And wow did I feel like an idiot. I don’t think words were spoken once the first morsel of food hit our table. The free appetizer plate of marinated mushrooms and celery, bruschetta, mortadella and ricotta potato puffs was gone within seconds. The pecorino and pear ravioli mom and I shared was so deliciously mild and perfect. Dad tasted his 4th soup in Italy and it was by far the best. Minestrone is always a crowd pleaser but this one was smothered in herbs and veggies. And Corey had a great pappardelle Bolognese. I ordered shrimp scampi over linguini which was so buttery and perfect with fresh prawns. Mom had a filet with a balsamic glaze so thick it looked like a layer of chocolate ganache. Corey had a wildly spicy and perfect spaghetti arrabiata and dad had a lemon veal. And we cannot forget the lightly breaded and fried veggies on the side. There were literally no words spoken. Just chewing and moaning. We then walked back over the Ponte Vecchio during sunset on the way to the car and took in the last moments in this wonderful part of the world.

Tuesday morning we woke early to get to Rome, where we were flying out of. I had never been, and while my parents and Corey had, they were kind enough to hurry there so I can see the city for the 18 hours I would be there. We rushed out of the hotel upon arrival and by 1pm, after not eating all day, we were famished and got trapped again at an awful tourist spot. My favorite pasta on earth is cacio e pepe, and this dish was born in Rome. But this shitty restaurant fucked up my pasta and painted Rome in a negative light already. We then took a smelly public bus to Vatican City and St. Peters Square, which was grand and beautiful and meaningful. It was also slightly depressing with homeless and injured people everywhere, men selling water screaming at each other, and selfie sticks whacking people in the face. We left and walked down the river and over to Piazza Navoa where I had a nice afternoon Grom gelato (crema de grom – so good) and then visited the Pantheon. It was definitely beautiful but after 7 days of walking non-stop we really just sat there “admiring” to rest our feet for 20 minutes. We finally rallied to head to the Trevi Fountain, which like the David, impressed me beyond words. It was so gorgeous and made me a little emotional thinking about how many people from all over the world visit this monument to make a simple wish. My mom and I both threw coins behind us with smiles on our faces and it was a moment I won’t forget.

We walked 30 minutes back to the hotel to rest for a bit and then headed to our last family dinner before we departed for home, and my parents to the real vacation (from us). We first had drinks at an American Pittsburgh bar, that my parents and brother had fallen in love with when they visited years ago. It was on a Soho-like cobble stone street and was lined with restaurants and bars with al fresco seating in the perfect 70-degree evening weather. We ate just across the street at a place called Saltimbocca, which is what my father ordered. He first started with cacio e pepe potatoes, which we shared as I was too traumatized to get the pasta version again. And wow, were these little fried potatoes coated in cheese and black pepper PERFECTION. My mom got a heaping pile of fried anchovies, and Corey got an even bigger heaping pile of fried calamari and prawns. We easily could have been full after our appetizers, but Corey ordered a monstrous amount of miscellaneous seafood linguini, which came steamed in a foil swan, my mom ordered rigatoni puttanestca, and I ordered eggplant parm. All three were incredible. My eggplant was perfectly cooked and mushy and smothered in tasty bright red sauce. Of course I shared this with my dad, who never turns down a few bites of anything parm.

Now as I write this from the plane Wednesday morning, I cant help but feel not emotional, but complete. My family is close. Extremely close, really. But with Corey at school and me in the city and my parents having a very busy social life that barely includes me (I’m not bitter), it was so special to have this week together with no interruptions. We discussed on several occasions how amazing it is that we are older now and can travel without whining (too much) or crying (only mom) or needing to be carried (though dad probably would have preferred to be held). We all appreciate the beauty of exploring a place we’ve never been. We all drink semi-responsibly and can enjoy an al fresco cocktail together every night. We all truly enjoy food and have intelligent commentary to make about each dish. And most importantly, we all like each other. So much. As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned it’s pretty rare to have all members of an immediate family enjoy each other’s company, but we do. There is no one I’d rather travel anywhere with (except probably Vegas, dad can keep that boys trip to himself every year) and not just because I didn’t take out my credit card the entire time I was there. I am incredibly grateful to have this relationship with my family and hope they know how much I appreciate their love, support, money, and willingness to let me con Corey and I’s way onto this adventure.

Ciao again for now!

Dylan

P.S. A few random thoughts from our trip

- Bread in Tuscany is ASS. The no salt comes back into play here and the bread is truly inedible. I am grateful for this fact or I’d probably be 50 pounds heavier than when I left

- They don’t put screens on windows in Italy, so cue the infinite mosquito bites I got while inside the bed and breakfast

- Bed and breakfasts really are as cute as they seem in movies. Maria put out a wonderful breakfast spread of ham and cheese and croissants and fresh fruit and tomatoes and fresh juices every morning. She would also visit the breakfast room periodically to help people map out their days and give recommendations of where to visit. Aww!

- Chianti is disgusting and I give up on driving to enjoy it. Super Tuscan is a red I can work with. But if we ever do a wine-centric trip again, I hope we’ll be going to France for whites.

- I know on 34th street and other tourist spots in NYC there are people hocking you to buy tour tickets or souvenirs. But goddamn, is it a million times worse in Rome. People literally walked up to us at every meal shoving stuffed animals or flowers in our faces and just stared at us as if this would be a successful sales tactic. It was just too much.

- Portable Wi-Fi is the most important invention of the 21st century. On a scale of 1-10 this family as a whole is at about a 3 when it comes to reading maps. Having google maps was so vital to our happiness and livelihood. Amen.

- Regular Coke (and Fanta) from a can in Europe is just so delicious and makes soda at home taste even more toxic than we already know it is

- Every single person we met in Italy was kind and helpful and knew at least a bit of English which was obviously incredibly helpful and appreciated

- This trip was my parents first time in Florence. Yet when we walked in to Massimo leather he went up to my dad “AH YES! I remember you my friend! Tell me your name! You send friends to me!” We played along and got the “friends and family discount” but it’s important the world know the Massimo is just the best salesmen we’ve ever met.

- Finally, overall thoughts on the places I visited are as followed: Florence is incredible. Tuscany is stunning and full of endless little villages to visit and taste. Rome is kind of gross and dirty and overwhelming and their airport is bullshit.

#travel #humor #blog #italy #vacation

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jesseneufeld · 4 years

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23 Easy Keto Snacks

Our 20 Keto Snacks All Under 5 Minutes has become so popular that we realized that many of you might enjoy a snack or two here and there, whether you identify as intermittent fasters, keto, Primal, Primal-keto, low-carb or other real-food eating ethos. In lieu of fasting when there aren’t any Primal- or keto-friendly food options available and you’re hungry, bringing a snack with you can get you through that long wait at the DMV, the long flight made even longer by delays, or the kids’ football game that went into overtime. Some of the snack ideas we recommend below are pre-packaged (Remember: We’re not anti-convenience here so long as the food inside the package is real and high quality.), and some are quick and easy to whip up on a moment’s notice.

Protein-Rich Keto Snacks

1. Teriyaki Meatballs

We love this recipe because it’s just three ingredients, and the meatballs are pre-made. Leftovers make the perfect snack to pop in your mouth, warmed up or cold.

2. Mini Crab Cakes

Pretty and posh for a cocktail party, and easy to dress down for a book club or game-watching snack, these crab cakes can be made with all the veggie and herb fixings, or simplified to a few ingredients.

3. Collard Green Tuna Wrap

Eat half for a protein- and nutrient-rich snack, or two to three halves for an easy-to-tote lunch. This handheld tuna salad packages protein, veggies, and good-for-you fats in one neat little package.

4. Egg Cups

These muffin-tin egg cups are part omelet, part frittata, and all flexible to suit your individual tastes. Eat two for breakfast, or one for a nutritious snack.

5. Bacon-wrapped Water Chestnuts

Crisp bacon, refreshing water chestnuts, and sweet-salty teriyaki sauce make one showstopper appetizer—or easy-to-make bites to stock in your fridge.

6. BBQ Chicken Skewers

Barbecue chicken never gets old—from pulled chicken cloaked in smoky, salty, sweet sauce to skewered and grilled chicken tenders—this two-ingredient combo provides a satiating snack.

7. Salmon Spread with Nori Chips

The unctuous flavor and silky mouthfeel of salmon is enhanced with olive oil and butter, then spooned onto brittle, briny nori chips for a Primal spin on rice-free sushi.

8. Caprese Salad Skewers

This salad and antipasto platter on a stick coats the tongue with the fatty richness of salami, soft creaminess of fresh mozzarella, sweet and juicy burst of tomato, and the palate-cleansing crunch of bibb lettuce. Dip in Primal Kitchen Italian Dressing for extra herby vinaigrette flavor.

9. Collagen Gummies

For a shot (or two) of collagen peptides, these collagen gummies provide a fun-to-eat way to get more protein. Stash them in a reusable bag or container in your gym bag, or bring them to work for an afternoon snack.

The Best Packaged Keto Snacks

10. Bone Broth

Salty, thick, and welcome on a chilly day, bone broth purchased online or from the store can be dressed up with herbs and aromatics, if desired, for a sippable or spoonable snack.

11. Primal Kitchen® Protein Bars

These four-bite squares deliver protein and healthy fats in the form of real-food ingredients like almonds, eggs, and flaxseed.

12. Keto-friendly Jerky

Chewy, salty, and portable, jerky without additives and sugars makes an entirely Primal and keto-friendly option.

13. Pork Rinds

Crackly, salty crisped pork skin… we’re just going to leave this recommendation right here.

14. Primal Kitchen Keto Collagen Lattes

These new tea lattes combine collagen with coconut milk powder and vanilla extract to make creamy, caffeinated ways to enjoy collagen peptides.

Sweet Keto Snacks

15. Keto Donut Holes

Redolent of cake donut holes, these two-bite treats combine macadamia butter with collagen and monk fruit to make irresistible sweets.

16. Chocolate Bacon

Dark chocolate and smoky bacon… do we have your attention? Dip crisped bacon in melted dark chocolate and try not to drool.

17. Keto Trail Mix

Who knew that three simple ingredients could combine to invoke a ballet on the tongue? Combine (salted or unsalted) macadamia nuts with dark chocolate and unsweetened coconut chips. Attempt to ration your portions.

18. Mark’s Vanilla Collagen Hemp Latte

Born from a desire for an epicurean way to boost magnesium, Mark added hemp hearts to his vanilla collagen latte. This warm, cinnamon-flecked brew can be concocted and enjoyed warm or refrigerated overnight to sip cold the next day.

Plant-Based, Vegetarian Keto Snacks

19. Nut Butter on Celery Sticks

Remember ants on a log: peanut butter-slathered celery boats dotted with raisins? Make a grown-up version by ditching the raisins and peanut butter with added sugar.

20. Keto Mozzarella Sticks

To make a keto-friendly version of this favorite bar snack, whisk an egg and dip mozzarella cheese (cut into 4-inch logs) into the egg. Coat the egg-dipped cheese logs in almond flour and place on a baking sheet. Turn your oven to broil (500ºF); bake mozzarella sticks for three minutes, or until golden brown.

21. Mini Bell Peppers with Cream Cheese

Sweet and crunchy, baby bell peppers make the perfect cups for a spoonful of cream cheese and a sprinkle of chopped chives.

22. Onion Petal with Melted Cheddar

Sharp and pungent, red onion mellows a bit when placed under the broiler for a minute. Top red onion petals with generous cuts of cheddar cheese, then place under the broiler for 30 to 40 seconds, or until the cheese melts.

23. Snap Peas with Primal Kitchen Ranch Dressing

Herb-studded, creamy, tangy Primal Kitchen Ranch Dressing upgrades any snappy veggie.

Photographs by Priscilla Chamessian, Janee Meadows, and Kali Meadows.

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lauramalchowblog · 4 years

Text

23 Easy Keto Snacks

Protein-Rich Keto Snacks

1. Teriyaki Meatballs

We love this recipe because it’s just three ingredients, and the meatballs are pre-made. Leftovers make the perfect snack to pop in your mouth, warmed up or cold.

2. Mini Crab Cakes

3. Collard Green Tuna Wrap

4. Egg Cups

These muffin-tin egg cups are part omelet, part frittata, and all flexible to suit your individual tastes. Eat two for breakfast, or one for a nutritious snack.

5. Bacon-wrapped Water Chestnuts

Crisp bacon, refreshing water chestnuts, and sweet-salty teriyaki sauce make one showstopper appetizer—or easy-to-make bites to stock in your fridge.

6. BBQ Chicken Skewers

Barbecue chicken never gets old—from pulled chicken cloaked in smoky, salty, sweet sauce to skewered and grilled chicken tenders—this two-ingredient combo provides a satiating snack.

7. Salmon Spread with Nori Chips

The unctuous flavor and silky mouthfeel of salmon is enhanced with olive oil and butter, then spooned onto brittle, briny nori chips for a Primal spin on rice-free sushi.

8. Caprese Salad Skewers

9. Collagen Gummies

The Best Packaged Keto Snacks

10. Bone Broth

Salty, thick, and welcome on a chilly day, bone broth purchased online or from the store can be dressed up with herbs and aromatics, if desired, for a sippable or spoonable snack.

11. Primal Kitchen® Protein Bars

These four-bite squares deliver protein and healthy fats in the form of real-food ingredients like almonds, eggs, and flaxseed.

12. Keto-friendly Jerky

Chewy, salty, and portable, jerky without additives and sugars makes an entirely Primal and keto-friendly option.

13. Pork Rinds

Crackly, salty crisped pork skin… we’re just going to leave this recommendation right here.

14. Primal Kitchen Keto Collagen Lattes

These new tea lattes combine collagen with coconut milk powder and vanilla extract to make creamy, caffeinated ways to enjoy collagen peptides.

Sweet Keto Snacks

15. Keto Donut Holes

Redolent of cake donut holes, these two-bite treats combine macadamia butter with collagen and monk fruit to make irresistible sweets.

16. Chocolate Bacon

Dark chocolate and smoky bacon… do we have your attention? Dip crisped bacon in melted dark chocolate and try not to drool.

17. Keto Trail Mix

18. Mark’s Vanilla Collagen Hemp Latte

Plant-Based, Vegetarian Keto Snacks

19. Nut Butter on Celery Sticks

Remember ants on a log: peanut butter-slathered celery boats dotted with raisins? Make a grown-up version by ditching the raisins and peanut butter with added sugar.

20. Keto Mozzarella Sticks

21. Mini Bell Peppers with Cream Cheese

Sweet and crunchy, baby bell peppers make the perfect cups for a spoonful of cream cheese and a sprinkle of chopped chives.

22. Onion Petal with Melted Cheddar

23. Snap Peas with Primal Kitchen Ranch Dressing

Herb-studded, creamy, tangy Primal Kitchen Ranch Dressing upgrades any snappy veggie.

Photographs by Priscilla Chamessian, Janee Meadows, and Kali Meadows.

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window.onload=function(){ga('send', { hitType: 'event', eventCategory: 'Ad Impression', eventAction: '84457' });}

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23 Easy Keto Snacks published first on https://venabeahan.tumblr.com

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