#well its complicated but yk. i just dont know how to situate it

[tojisun]

my dad just said he likes my playlist. im gonna stop listening to music actually

[ohh-fiddlesticks]

pinned post thingo… pt 3 !

hiii my name is 💥 micah 💥 and this is my selfship sideblog! i use he/him and im a certified transsexual 🔥 aroace and gay as well. its a complex and wondrous thing yk how it is ‼️ i’m also australian 🎉

i tend to see my selfships as more on the fictional side; i like to explore the relationships like any other relationship in fiction, meaning that it wont always be the healthiest, so… keep that in mind i guess 👍

i dont like to associate this blog too closely with my main but if you get notifs from a blog with a url starting with d and a rainbow pfp of castiel, thats almost definitely me! if u wanna know the exact url feel free to ask and i’ll let you know 👍

you can also check out my strawpage for some general info about me and an f/o list, etc. :^)

i draw sometimes ‼️ i tag all my art with “#my art”

my main f/os are dave s.trider & c.handler bing but ive also got a couple more in the bag!

proship and closely associated please kindly don’t follow 🙏 strictly nsfw or 18+ blogs preferably dni too closely also . generally tho i’ll just block people i don’t want interacting

f/o list, sharing boundaries, etc. below the cut!

for romantic f/os, my general policy is that i’m not particularly comfortable with sharing and while you’re free to follow or interact if we share f/os, keep in mind i’m less likely to follow back— this ofc does not apply if i follow first. platonic, familial, etc. f/os im totally fine with sharing, in fact i think thats awesome

also! i have no tagging system— that being said, if you want me to tag a certain ship for filtering purposes or similar, i’d be happy to do so

characters i talk about in a romantic manner (some are f/os, some not, it’s complicated):

dave strider (homestuck) — f/o. thats my boyf riend . basically my first proper f/o i heart him lots 💗

chandler bing (friends) — f/o. thats also my boyf riend. my beloved sarcastic repressed boring yet not boring guy. this may come as a surprise but i also love him lots

hitch (ruby redfort) — f/o. i dont talk about him as much but i do love him. middle aged secret agent who’s afraid of crocodiles and is secretly silly :-)

prismo (adventure time) — f/o. also dont talk about him as much but i love him i prommy. idc that he’s 2D i will find a way to give him a kiss 🫡

jonny goodman (friday night dinner) — fictional crush or something i dont even know. i was briefly obsessed with him during my fnd interest period and i still hold him dearly and sometimes rewatch some fnd episodes and think of him

bernard black (black books) — i truly dont know tbh i just love black books and am a little obsessed with him. manny & fran too but i dont have gay little crushes on them so

jeremy usbourne (peep show) — practically an f/o atp but im in denial. side effect of my recent peep show obsession was developing a secondary obsession with this freak

characters i have some sort of weird little qpr situation with

foxy (fnaf) — idk how to explain it he was one of the first characters i started selfshipping with in some variety and i like him :-)

the nice cream guy (deltarune) — he’s a developed character 2 meeee. we’re gayass boy best friends

red guy (dhmis) — who knows but it’s not a normal friendship folks

characters that are my friendssss my familyyy etc. you get the idea

toriel & asgore dreemurr (deltarune) — my parents:)

kris & asriel dreemurr (deltarune) — my siblings:)

basically the entire rest of the main characters from the other medias ive already mentioned — my friends:)

THAT’S ALL FOLKS!! THANK YOU FOR READING :^)

[cloudcountry]

SHAKING U GIVE ME ALL THOSE THOUGHTS DUMP THEM ON ME AUBURN IM TREMBLING RN URE GONNA KILL ME

ELLIE OMG PLEASE BOOK FOUR GAVE ME LIKE,,, A HEADACHE BECAUSE THERES SO MUCH GOING ON AND ITS USCH A COMPLICATED SITUATION AND WHHWHGGFWAWFGH

literal essay under cut (oops), book four spoilers just in case!!

im gonna start w kalim because i've ranted about this to my irl friends like SO MANY TIMES BUT. he's canonically super observant (book five if yk yk) AND LIKE,,,,,, he's well meaning. kalimd oesn't WANT to hurt anyone but he's so comfortable with jamil that he feels like he can trust him with anything. because of that he ends up taking advantage of him time and time again. he doesn't think about how jamil feels because kalim thinks he understands jamil. he's the only person kalim can trust because he's been with him through everything, but in doing so he dumps everything on jamil's shoulders and assume that hey, you can carry the entire world for me, right?

but like i said, friends are not people you take advantage of. whether kalim knows it or (and i dont think he does) he just assumes jamil will always be there and never appreciates his worth. its so so so important to remind people in your life that you appreciate them but kalim does it so half heartedly that it doesnt even sound genuine.

and its not kalim's fault that jamil doesn't have the freedom to go as he pleases, at least not completely. it's kalim's entire family that put jamil in that situation, to trap him in the asim family and make that his entire life. jamil is his own person but he's only treated like an extension, and he had to act like he was okay with that for years.

and kalim just smiled. he called jamil his friend and said he was the only one he could trust and yet kalim was blind to everything. he didn't see anything wrong with the way he was treating jamil even though jamil told him time and time again that running off and recklessly doing things isn't okay. kalim constantly shows a blatant disregard for all the effort jamil doesnt even WANT to put into taking care of him.

and even after it all, kalim is still like "but we're friend, right?" jamil doesnt want that. kalim is a constant reminder that all jamil is is an echo of the asim family. they don't see him as his own person and while kalim trying to cling to him may be a coping mechanism (since agian, jamil is his only true friend), it puts so much more pressure on jamil because why would you want to stay with the person that hurt you so much.

i can't imagine how resentful i would be if someone hurt me so bad and held me under their thumb for years, only to smile at me and ask if we're still friends. kalim should have given him space.

ALSO HEY, CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW KALIM IS LITERALLY ONLY A HOUSEWARDEN BECAUSE CROWLEY GOT PAID OFF??? that's corrupt authority sir (not that crowley being corrupt is any surprise.)

[one-abuse-survivor]

hi im just sorta looking for some reassurance/advice, ive started dating this guy and both his parents died when he was rlly young and he makes the occasional dark humour joke and stuff, but the thing is, my parents abused tf out of me so i just kinda shit talk them and despite getting a but closer to my mum she still rlly can stress me out and i cant even be close to my dad or i disosociate and feel insanely nauseous and anxious. it makes me feel really guilty cos ik i still have my parents but to me they dont feel like parents yk? they definitely didnt act like parents to me, but i just dont rlly jnow how to like act n think abt it if that makes sense. i vented anout my mum and he said, well at least u still have her. and dude i wanted to cry so bad at that. cos i have weird af feelings with my mum like idk i dont want her die. my dad? sounds awful but idrc haha he has done awful things to me and i hate him very deeply, but its awkward with my mum. i dont know if im doing the right things with him when it comes to my parents. he knows what theyve done to me and i think the xomment he made wouldve been one of those half honest half joke things, but idk it hurt hearing that lol. am i being sensitive?

I'd like to start by saying that being sensitive isn't necessarily a bad thing, and there's nothing wrong with having strong emotions about things that affect us.

That being said, I don't think you're overreacting by being hurt by what he said, nonnie. Even if it was meant as a joke, it was pretty invalidating. Like somehow having alive but abusive parents is less painful than having dead ones, or like you don't deserve to have complicated feelings about your mum because she's alive. Of course hearing something like that hurts.

This sounds like a complicated situation, with one of you having dead parents and the other abusive ones. I think the best thing you can both do is to allow space for both of your parent-related feelings to exist. They don't always have to be compatible. They don't always have to be pretty. But they do need to be given space to exist and to be treated respectfully. You've both gone through very different, but very deep, kinds of trauma, and I think it's important for you to create a space where you can both acknowledge that without inadvertently making the conversation about who had it worse or who has more of a right to complain.

I hope you can talk to him about how the comment made you feel and it goes well!

Sending a virtual hug ❤️

[aroaceconfessions]

Ive been aroace for a while, but recently ive been questioning if im sex repulsed.

I thought i was indifferent bc it never really bothered me and if i ever saw it id ignore it, but ive been thinking that if i ever had to do it and the idea of doing it with anyone, no matter how well or how little i know them, i strongly feel my reaction would be something like: euhegeueyheheyhseueuEYHDHUEGSHDGSHUFHFGSGAEH🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

Like id rather do literally anything else please and thank you. But the reason im confused is the idea of sex itself and other people doing it i kinda dont care but when it comes to me having sex or anything like that i get disgusted. Would that count as sex repulsed???

Sorry for sending two asks so close, im the one whose questioning being sex repulsed or not. I forgot to mention, that i enjoy songs like wap and cpr but only bc i like the beat and its just hilarious to me yk?? I dont actively listen to them, but its fun when it comes on the radio or something. music about sex is either a hit or miss for me, and i like the aesthetic of a lotta love songs and romance aesthetics, but please do not put me in a romantic or sexual situation. I think im just making things complicated, but maybe im just mad its not so simple when it comes to figuring this out. Its frustrating that i dont fit into a box that makes this easy to figure out, but then again idk im just tired.

There’s been several confessions similar to this lately, so I figured I’d chime in:

Sex repulsed: seeing/hearing sexual content, or otherwise hearing about other people having sex is yikes

Sex averse: the idea of yourself having sex is yikes

Sex negative: a political/social ideology where you believe most or all sex is bad.

The same goes for romance -

[thesnottedbrat]

The Difference

K-wave became more trending globally these years (thanks BTS), another culture also raise to the surface in reading section (manhwa and novel). Korean manhwa and novel popularity are quite significant these recent years, to the point the author and published take a legal action to protect their babies from ilegal translation. Hence, right know, we’re in the middle of their purgatory.

Back then, i dont really read manhwa diligently, but i know some people already fangirling about it. I was a devoted believer of manga, heck, my reading list was full of it. Fast forward, my hot list mangas been hiatus or the scans team being MIA (due lacking translator/staffs) or simply we waiting for the next chapter coming up which takes weeks/months (you know, some mangas published weekly, monthly or bimonthly, but some of them are publish every 4months! yeah right, talk about forever).

Out of boredom, i give several manhwas a try (its been on roll for months and many people in forum talked about it, so lets give it a try), and im hooked. 

I remember the first manhwa i read was a BL manhwa with silver hair guy with a super power as the ML (forgot its name), and the MC is his childhood friend with black hair. The artysyle totaly catching my eyes fast. Its colorful but i have a slight difficulties with how to read.

You know, manga are black and white page (ofc there’s one with colors as well), and 1 page are contained (normally) with 3-6 panels, and you read it from right to the left. But with manhwa you have to do the opposite. Its a long strip comics with lots of white area, and you read it from left to the right.

Im also check several manhua out there. My first manhuwa is 10 years where i loved you the most. DAMN MAN! i love this manhua so freaking much!! i even read the novel!!! totally a tear jerker!!!

And ever since, i imersing myself to read more manhwa and manhua (but not much) LOL. 

And i give the novels a reading too. But after some time, i found a patterns. 

This writing is based on my personal opinions, so no hard feelings, ok?

My preferences are:

something with heavy-twisted theme (but not too dark nor gorey)

easy fluffy romance is okay too

picky with omegaverse things (cus yk...)

family theme is okay (i loved it actually, as long as its not too childish)

comedy is fine, but too much are down for me

regular shounen/shoujo theme is acceptable

something full with angst/sad kind of thing is my fave!

war and strategy things are okay too

mysteries, detective/police theme is fine

supernatural stuffs is good once a while

Well i guess, my preference is okay, I mean, i dont like things that too complicated or too cheesy. It just blow the entire plot.

Im also fine where the MC is died, i mean, several stories are meant to do so (imo). We cant be perfect all the time, even fictional stories need some real life situation hard. I think this kind of ending is beautiful and more humane.

Korean Novel

Blame me for my limited reading list. But from what i read so far, the only novel i liked was Trash of the Count Family. Most of k-novel i read, were, how do i say this.. they’re just okay? 

Plot wise, i see no difference one from another, and i want more conflict happened. Maybe the author and published targeted the young audience, so i cant really blame them. 

But, from what i know, Shadow Queen had good characters conflict and the characters also develop by their own pace (quite slow, but i guess its the way supposed to be).

But come to think of it, i never found BL novel? Letme check on it again.

Korean Manhwa

Most of the artystle are cute and nice, but thats it. Most of published (popular) manwha in girls sections were novel based (adaptation), its a common things and sometimes they differentiate from the original plot. Meanwhile the BL sections apparently were original (not adaptation). 

I dont know why but instead cultivated more artists to make novel adaptation, why dont asked them to create their own story? I think its more interesting that way and to make more vast genre available out there.

Plus thing : they published it weekly, with hiatus schedule for several months and continue the next chapter (repeat). Needless to say, they can finished a book/projects fast.

Japan Novel

Well, i have a love-hate relationship with this. Most of them able to portray the deep of characters emotions well, and the plot development was. But what i hated is sometimes (or mostly?) they spinning in the wheels and using the same words for god knows many times. 

Japan Manga

Allright, old artifacts, who doesnt read this stuffs? Do i have to write it down?

My first book story, ever. And i still read it till now. The most vast collection out there, and the most easy to obtain book. Not every manga are colorful (they printed the colorfull ver as a limited edition/collection edition), they printed it in bw to reduce the production cost.

Manga is the opposite of manhwa in terms of creating stories. The mangka works as a story teller as well as the artist. Not everyone tho, but most of them. 

What i hate: their published date! URGH. As i stated previously, their published date is sucks! several publisher have different release schedule. Some of them published weekly, monthly or bimonthly. I can wait for it. For some of them publiisedh every 4months! 4 months for 1 chapter!! So it means, you only have 4 chapters A YEAR!! Emerald sucks!

I dont even bother to keep tabs with Super Lovers or Sekaiichi Hatsukoi.

Chinese Novel

imo, the only worth reading is their BL novel. If i were you, dont even bother to read other novels, it was just a long series of  cheap soap drama with evil cycle. Sooooo fed up i cant even say anything. Ok, maybe not everything,  To Be A Virtuous Wife is a good read, or my all time fave 10 Years When I Loved You The Most (BL), or every MXTX works is superb! I recommend this very much!

But i have to admit, i loved how Ch author using a flowery language, thats what hooks me the most.

The common things are mentioned below:

daddy CEO with super smart genius kid and superb beauty wife

imortal heavenly being, mostly reincarnated

harem life turns one devoted lovers

rape and violence

like normal occurrences

genius hacker

unmatched beauty

The thing is, the MC is way too OP (either physically or mentally) which i dont like. So i dropped several stuffs.

Chinese Manhua

Plot wise, i dont really like it. I mean, they’re just okay, but its not drove me to the point where i have to catch up with it. But, i must say, their artstyle is quite charming. The authors have a tendecy to make their artystyle into painting like, idk but i got that vibe.