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#went fuck it and posted it anyway PLEASE DONT GET MAD I KNOW ITS PROBABLY OOC PLEASE DONT GTE MAD
zzoupz · 1 year
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"Cecil would want Sans to win" "Sans would want Cecil to win" you fools. you buffoons. Cecil would want his husband Carlos to win
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hello!! i hope your day has been well
i wanted to ask if you knew any daemon x reader fics thats concerned about reader being lonesome? and like its an angst-comfort? if you know any, could you please help me navigate them? feel free to include your own work as well if there is, your pieces have been very delightful to binge read, you are really talented!
HELLO MY LOVE. my tumblr crashed while i was replying but thats ok because it gave me the opportunity to be the complete yellow belly and rethink whether or not i wanted to tag anyone or just link their fics HAHHAAH (im so insane i was thinking if it was possible to tag someone but block them from the post AHHAHAAH)
anyway you can tell what i decided. tbh i honestly dont fucking remember reading any and i mean any of these. literally 0 of these T_T HAHAHAHAH it's not a slight on anyone its just a me thing im head empty all the time. also i mostly read freaky smut pieces of daemon because, well, im a freak (: that's probably why i dont remember any of these tbh. im rotten in the head T_T. i digress
Fury of The Dragon by @drakoneve (hello i love you) ok this one isnt exactly what you're looking for and i only vaguely remember reading it cos BONK🤠 it be like that. judging by my reblog i was mad petty after reading it and that's a me thing because im mad petty but im sure this is lovely and vivid because it elicited such a response from me.
Ānogar Hūra by @author-morgan ([heavy breathing] hi there) again have only white noise in my head dont remember reading this if not for the reblog BUT WHAT I DO REMEMBER IS LIKING HER STORIES SO MUCH THAT I OBSESSIVELY WENT THROUGH HER MASTERLIST HOPING SHE'S MAKE MORE FOR DAEMON. if you ever read this im not saying you should cos im not in the business of telling people what to do but if you do i would love to read it fyi lol
this ones untitled but its by @gay-dorito-dust (hello hi how are you) again dont remember a thing but judging by my reblog its soft... which in hindsight is the opposite of angst AHHAHA but it has some of those angsty comfort fics kinda so yuh you might like this one
Bleeding love by @blayresmuses (hihihi hi there hihih) once again HAHAHAH cant remember anything about anyone. judging by my reblog its really sweet in the end HAHAHHAA 404 BRAIN NOT FOUND. it does explore the whole child birthing aspect. idk what you feel about that nonnie.
this ones also untitled but its by @floweringfics (HI HAHAH) i also dont remember shit about nothing but i have a longer reblog for this, which is telling COS I KNOW FOR A FACT. A FACT. THAT ITS GOOD. SHE IS AN AMAZING WRITER SO LOVE HER SO MUCH
im just going to throw in @em-writes-stuff-sometimes (HEY *wink wink*) cos she a baby girl and i love her. she is so good at writing, get this, she made her own fucking universe (which most definitely has the themes youre looking for) and she also studies high valyrian and all that queen shit i can't wrap my head around. she's insane. im telling you a she's a hotd writer idc idc i will die on this hill.
@ewanmitchellcrumbs ([BARKING] HELLO) is also a really great writer although i dont think she does angsty comfort fics. she does make fics that make me gol feral after so theres that. interact with at your own discretion cos it changes your life fr and then next thing you know youre a barking dog.
that's about it i think T_T i hope all these lovely people just know i love them because i do i- HA:DHASFHLASFLASB
anyway next are my fics and wow i kinda feel weird by how many fics of myself i put HAHAHAH. but anyway you asked and you said i was talented and im flattered you binge them [pushes hair back] so i gave.
Want You Dead has that, but it's a three part series, so idk how you feel about that. part 2 in particular VERY much hits the nail on the head for this one (update: does it? i am questioning myself rn). also yn was a pirate for a while HAHAHH and it gets pretty graphic at a point so idk how you feel about those
Mine is also a p2 (to Ten & One) and the hurt/comfort is over yn being unable to conceive so there's and theres prett obvious smut so HAHAH
Lies Are Treason is very much hurt/comfort with some angst ig BUT IT HAS SMUT
Stone Cold is really angsty and im only adding it cos there's a smudge of like hurt/comfort there HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH but its imo one of the more tragic tales ive written AHAHHAAHHAHA
Cold Killer AHHHH I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THIS ONE THIS ONE IS PRETTY GOOD THIS ONE I THINK IS SMTH YOU WOULD LIKE YA KNOW ANGST + COMFORT YEAH THIS ONE THIS ONE
Kiss it Better... NGL I TOTALLY FORGOT I EVEN WROTE THIS HOLD ON LET ME REREAD IT RN HAHAHAHA. update HAHAHAAH I REMEMBER i wrote this when i had a bad day and i was like grrr i need the evil man to comfort me HAHAHAHAH THIS ONE IS ALSO REALLY GOOD
Moon Cycle kind of has a hurt/comfort aspect just a smidge ya feel. it's mostly, well, smut HAHAHAH also its a part four to a my stark!universe series lol
Waiting For A Lifetime has that in its p2 kinda but this is a modern au so idk how you feel about that.
thats all i think. off to go read some more daemon fics i think HAHHA
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etirabys · 2 years
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// please do not reblog with commentary, it will probably annoy/mildly-trigger me and I will block you
Hey, it’s 1:30am and I have no impulse control. I’m going to talk about body issues / weight.
I was composing a post asking, basically, “I’m going to be spending a lot of time swimming next month but I’m viscerally freaked out by the thought of showing a lot of skin or having the covered parts be covered by skintight material. What should I be shopping for?” Before hitting post, I googled the obvious query, “reddit what to wear to swim if you have body issues” (although my thing isn’t a body issues thing, it’s a “I feel like I’m naked and I don’t like that” thing).
The first result had multiple comments responding. Here’s a normal one that only mildly raises my hackles.
You can wear a rash guard- that’s what surfers wear. Honestly though, no one cares. Seriously- every body type you can imagine is represented at my pool. No one is looking or cares.
(OP, and good for them, replied: “i dont care its not about others its how i feel”)
And here’s one that makes me mad and actually does set off body issue stuff.
What if by wearing something abnormal made more people look at you? Wouldn't it be good therapy to go to a place where everyone is accepted and no one cares what your body looks like?
Which brings me to the actual thing I want to complain about.
For heaven’s sake, stop pressuring me to be okay with my body. Stop pressuring me to have therapy about my body. When I weighed X pounds I was extremely unhappy with my appearance and everyone I talked to about it had their “I’m dealing with someone with an incipient eating disorder” cultural programming activate. I felt like their fucking brain switched off. They weren’t dealing with a person anyway, they were Obeying Protocol. They dealt with me in what I felt were extremely invalidating ways – their attitude was that it was antisocial or sick to want to be thinner, and furthermore that if I went down the path of self modification I would never be satisfied.
And then I lost ten pounds (kind of by accident, I still don’t know if it was prescribed stimulant use or genetic digestive stuff) and I was perfectly happy with how I looked and had no desire to lose more weight or fuss about food or anything. I moved through the world without thinking about my body, because there was no minor proprioceptive mismatch. I think it was absolutely the right choice for me to “diet and exercise the amount” because, for me in particular, changing my body is (much?) easier than changing my mind.
(Incidentally, I gained those ten pounds back this year, had exactly the same experience of “my body looks and feels wrong” at the same weight point, and this didn’t go away until I lost about seven of those pounds, at which point it went away pretty completely. I would totally believe that most people in my life didn’t register this change. “i dont care its not about others its how i feel”.)
This is so dumb to get worked up about – it’s just language games and resource competition all the way down, there’s no truth or beauty to be found in analyzing this – but I have this natural-feeling, deep-value preference about what my body should look like, and I’m surrounded by people who pathologize having this preference. Like holy shit, if you want to help me, let me just fricking try losing ten pounds first. Try helping me with my object level preference of “I want to lose weight” first before trying to fix the problem you think I have. Try helping the redditor with “I want to be covered up at the beach” first. Jesus christ.
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souryogurt64 · 3 years
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sarah please indoctrinate me into stanning gabe pls provide me with some fun facts to make me like him ur the only one who can do it i think. also how is he a good influence on pete?
most of what i know about gabe comes from the pete orbit but
gabe immigrated from uruguay and he was undocumented growing up and his family shared a one bedroom apartment and his father worked as a street vendor selling scarves until he finished medical school. gabe got super into music, specifically hair metal, and would tape it from the radio. eventually his dad finished medical school and they started living an upper middle class lifestyle. then his parents divorced.
then he got more into music and his brother started a booking company and he joined his first band at 16, then got kicked out, then started midtown, then went to college (he studied philosophy and politics sci [pete also studied poli sci] and he was a very good student). he was apparently very business minded and focused on making it big.
then midtown got kind of strained and then broke up after pete dumped flour on them at a show and gabe thought it was cool and the singer of the band hated it. the fallout of midtown breaking up was very dramatic.
he also bought a ruined house and had it put together under the table by working directly with undocumented immigrants rather than going legally through contractors. he also owned a restaurant with his friends. and then played poker in clubs run by the mafia to make ends meet because he was really good at it. then cobra got its big break with snakes on a plane.
however recently on petes podcast gabe admitted he lied about the famed story of cobra forming by him taking peyote on a vision quest and angels telling him to start a synth pop band. like it never happened. so everything he says is a little suspect
a lot of cobra was an act, sort of like the beastie boys, and he really douched it up. “youre not in on the joke” is about this, the fake chain with his own face on the viva la cobra album cover, etc. bikini kill is one of his favorite bands. i do still think hes sexist (because every last band dude is) but for example he said he worked a job cleaning waste disposal chutes and his sleazy boss told him to treat women like shit and that inspired “nice guys finish last.”
however gabe has some serious issues with women. he has mommy issues from the divorce and alleges his mom was trying to suck his dad dry of money and planned the divorce in advance to fuck him financially. being mad at his mom triggered him getting into punk.
(TRIGGER WARNING) gabe also said on loveline that the first time he had sex he was raped by a girl a year older than him. he did repeatedly use the word rape but he also described it as an enjoyable experience and “awesome.”
i dont feel the need to go into cobras lyrics and how he speaks and behaves stuff but anyway i dont care, i have given up, i also think theyre really funny.
ANYWHO, pete cites gabe as a really good influence and the most famous quote is probably: ““Gabe taught me the idea that our lives are about service to others. The night I freaked out and lost my mind- Gabe Saporta got on a plane no questions asked and was at my house the next day. He hung with me through my lame freak outs and made me laugh when we free styled late at night in my living room. He never assumed shit about me and is one of the most fiercely loyal people I have ever met.”
he also seems like a very good friend, as mentioned before he flew out to help pete through a breakdown. i also feel like i remember hearing that he stayed with pete for a bit post-divorce to take care of him because pete was off the deep end BUT that may have been just travie and im misremembering, i also feel like i heard that gabe would fly with him because he had freakouts on planes but idk a source on that
there’s this story which i fucking loooove
“I was on the plane next to him, I saw him in the morning, leaving Seattle. I sent him a text, like, ‘Where you at?’ We didn’t even know we were on the same plane home. He was like, ‘You don’t want to see me.’ And I just thought he meant he was really tired or something, but … his whole face was covered and bandaged.”
The injury attracted quite a bit of attention from passengers on the airplane.
“And so I sat next to him, and he would not stop bleeding. I was cleaning the blood off of him,” he continued. “I think the stewardesses thought we were a gay couple, because I kept cleaning him up with tissues, very gently, because I didn’t want to screw it up. But that’s all I’m going to say about that right now.”
i cant figure out what happened to pete, petes publicist said he “fell” (LMAO) but based off what gabe said it was probably a little sketchier. i personally think he got in a fight (wouldn’t be the first time) or possibly had a freakout and hurt himself (wouldn’t be the first time)
im gonna conclude with some of my favorite photos
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works cited
https://href.li/?https://web.archive.org/web/20140802063021/http://www.mediabistro.com/portfolios/samples_files/88544_RM8g0Dgmnnq3yUID7N_FtiD7x.pdf (most of his past stuff, i really recommend reading this even just for the quotes lmao, gabe is very smart and also fascinates me even if half of what he says is not true)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FI6uNEmW8bQ (loveline, the thing about being assaulted is an hour and ten minutes in and then he mentions it again at an hour 29. trigger warnings obv)
https://falloutboyfan18.tumblr.com/post/650845408264880128/gabe-saporta-and-pete-wentz-talking-on-the-loud (petes podcast)
https://www.antimusic.com/news/09/dec/21What_In_The_Hell_Happened_To_Pete_Wentzs_Face.shtml (petes injuries)
https://idobi.com/news/gabe-saporta-knows-what-happened-to-wentz-face/ (plane article)
https://youtu.be/x65YJao7c0I?t=144 (more injury photos)
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peachiikawa · 3 years
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Fly | Route Selected: O. Tooru
genre: mafia au, choose your own adventure
warnings: honestly nothing too bad in this route
word count: 3.1k
Fly Masterlist
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“I choose--”
But before you could even finish your sentence, the front door opened and an arm draped around your shoulders
“They’ll be with me”
You looked to see who had just walked in and were stunned to see such a beautiful man
“Very funny oikawa, now let them go. This is a personal matter”
Daichi took a step forward and you could feel the tension in the air
But the silence was broken with a chuckle from oikawa
“Dont worry so much daichi. They arent just a threat to you theyre a threat to the entire community so to make your burden easier ill gladly take them in. you have better things to worry about anyways”
The smile on his face was far from a friendly one
Even you could tell it was a bit condescending and it made you a bit scared
He led you out the door but not before turning his head one last time
“Tell your old man seijou gives their regards”
With that he led you to his car and got you buckled in
“Now where do you live..?”
“My name is y/n and i live down the street and around the block”
He drove you home and made sure you got into your apartment
“Come in tomorrow whenever youd like, preferable before noon though. Heres my card if you have any questions. Goodnight y/n!”
He kept the conversation brief and didnt look back as he left
As soon as you closed the door you leaned against it and slid down onto the ground
Just what had you gotten yourself into?
You couldnt really sleep that night knowing that in the morning you were going to be working with the mafia
So you took an early shower and got to the address on the card oikawa gave you the night before around eight o’clock
You took a nervous breath before walking into the gigantic corporate building
‘Seijoh Industries’
The company had a long reputation of being in the modeling and fashion industry
It scared you to think that so many big companies were involved in who knows what else
You pushed the glass doors open and immediately got lost
Like how do you even navigate the inside of this building???
It wasnt long before you got stopped
...by some guy with blonde hair with lines in them
Was he trying to look like a tennis ball??
As he steps toward you you take one back until youre against a wall
“What the fuck are you doing here? Youd better leave. Now”
You feel like your stomach is about to drop before you hear that all too familiar voice
“Maddog what are you doing to y/n! Its their first day you shouldnt be so mean”
Oikawa grabbed your hand and led you down the hall to a pristine office
He sat down behind his desk and organized a few papers for you
“Youre here bright and early. I was half expecting you to just not show up”
His eyes glanced up from the papers in his hands for a brief moment
“But im glad you did it would have been a..hassle to find you”
The way that sentence came out of his mouth with that smile on his face sent a shiver down your back
He handed you a few papers and a list of tasks to do
Most of which consisted of you running errands and organizing some cabinets around the building
“Finish those and if you get done with that before the end of the day you can do whatever. Just dont poke your nose where it doesnt belong”
The smile on his face never left once your entire conversation and it left you with a weird feeling in your gut
As you turned to leave you just couldnt shake the weird feeling you got every time you saw it
But you went on your way, trying not to think about it too hard
You did each task with ease and you really thought that some of them were a bit unnecessary since most of the things on the list were already done
It was almost therapeutic doing normal things, it at least made you feel less nervous
It didnt take you long before you finished your tasks
“Hey you”
You jumped at the sound of someone’s voice and slowly turned towards a man with short and spiky brown hair
He held out a couple of papers to you
“I need you to make a few copies of these and then bring them to trashykawa”
Your eyebrows furrowed and he noticed your confusion
“I mean Oikawa. Sorry, force of habit. Im Iwaizumi by the way. I work over in communications''
You fumbled with the papers in your hands, trying to get a grip before he noticed how nervous you were
His sharp eyes were fixed on you which made you even more self-conscious 
You let out a shaky breath before introducing yourself
“Im y/n. Its my first day working here”
He nodded his head
“Yeah well just lay low if you want to survive this mess. Ill see you later y/n.”
A few weeks go by and it seems to be the same thing filling your days
This place wasnt as scary as you first thought and everyone seemed nice enough
The beeping from the copy machine brought you back to reality from your daydream and headed back to oikawas office
Though you had been here for almost a month now, it never got easier to be around him
Something was just too off putting about him
You took a deep breathe before knocking on the door to which you got a muffled “come in”
He didnt look up as you set the papers on his desk and only looked back up at you when he didnt hear your leave
He took off the glasses he was wearing and set them down in front of him
“Can i help you with something?”
Again, that smile on his face just...didnt feel right
“I was done with my work, is there anything else I can do for you?”
He just shook his head
“That should be it for me! Why dont you go see if iwa needs anything?”
You could tell that he wanted nothing more than to have just a moment to himself
And the constant flow of people probably didnt help
“This might be bold of me to say but that smile you wear around people...you dont need to put up any false pretenses around me. I know my situation and I know it isnt all sunshine and rainbows so feel free to be yourself around me. So one last time, before I go, do you need anything?”
His eyes were wide at what you just said
You had only been here for what? A few weeks? With minimal contact as well
So how did you notice?
The only other person whos ever called him out on it was iwaizumi
And he hated being read like this but he kept that smile up
“Nope im fine”
You nodded and left, closing the door behind you
And as soon as you did he threw his pen down on his desk and held his head in his hands
How...how did you see through him
He had carefully made this mask of his so that no one would be able to see how he was feeling
Emotions were a weakness
He didnt need them
And he sure as hell didnt need you
The next week he made it his mission to completely ice you out
No contact at all
And it made you kind of frustrated
The man steals you away from the other mafia you almost became affiliated with and just throws you to the side?
So you went to him after him doing whatever he could to make sure he avoided you
The man literally had tennis-head outside of his office to scare you away
“What are you doing”
The sudden voice behind you almost made you scream
“Oh iwaizumi! Dont scare me like that!”
You smacked his shoulder as you two hid around the corner from oikawas office
“If you must know im trying to get into oikawas office. I'm sick of his avoiding me like im the plague”
Iwaizumi let out a deep sigh
He knew why oikawa was avoiding you
And he also thought it was a little much
Wasnt it about time he stopped being scared?
“Tell you what y/n, ill distract kenta and while i do you can sneak into oikawas office”
Your eyes sparkled and he almost wanted to laugh
“Really?!” 
He nodded and patted your head
“Get that idiot out of his funk”
He then walked up to kenta and walked off with him, giving you a thumbs up behind his back
And when they were out of sight you knocked on oikawas door and didnt wait for him to respond before barging in
To say he was shocked was an understatement
“What are you-”
“Stop. Before you go on about how youre busy just please listen to me. I dont know what i did to deserve this amount of avoidance but if its about what i said that day, i dont regret what i said. And i wish you would stop avoiding your problems and just confront them”
Confront his problems?
What the hell do you know about his problems
“So you came in here to tell me that? What the fuck do you know about me? Youre just some street rat that poked their nose where it didnt belong. You dont know me so stop trying to tell me what to fucking do! Emotions make you weak and i dont need that”
At this point he had you backed against a wall
And when he realized what just happened he pushed himself away from you
God what the hell was he even doing
Hes spent years perfecting his facade
And then you come barging in and it just breaks?
You slowly approached him and put a hand on his shoulder
“See? Was that so bad? Honestly, seeing you like that was refreshing. Feel free to keep the mindset that emotions make you weak, i wont try to convince you otherwise. Thats a realization you need to make on your own but for now please dont hold back around me”
For the first time in a while oikawas heart stood still, almost as if he could feel himself again
“Whatever. I still have paperwork to do so leave or make yourself useful”
He shrugged your hand off of him and went back to his desk
You just smiled and nodded your head
“Ill be back with a coffee for you!”
And when you exited you bumped into the back of kentarou
“Ah sorry! Ill be back!”
As you ran off kenta took a step toward you
“What the hell..get back here!”
But before he could take another oikawa cleared his throat
“You can leave your post mad-dog. Youre no longer needed here”
Kenta nodded his head but was too shocked to move for a moment, caught off guard by the small smile that lingered on his boss’ face
The couple weeks after that you were allowed back in his office and he even started to request your presence at times for no other reason than he just wanted you to sit in the room with him
And that smile he used to give you was now replaced by a soft, genuine smile that made your heart flutter
Little things started to become more noticeable to you
Like how cute it was when he pouted his lips when he was really focused
And honestly he was too
Your smile was maddening
And your laugh made him feel like he was being swallowed whole, unable to breath
It scared him
Nothing good has ever happened when he became emotionally attached to someone
“Oikawa, are you okay?”
You put your hand up to his forehead and checked for a fever
He could feel his cheeks heating up and gently swatted your hand away
“No im fine. Dont worry about me”
He watched your face fill with concern and his heart lurched forward
This feeling...it scared him. But for now, if its you, hes willing to see where this goes
“Good morning oikawa!”
You walked into his office with his morning coffee which he gladly took from your hands
“Good morning y/n”
He had a job later and needed all the energy he could get
But not before having his morning conversation with you
“I'm leaving around noon with maki and mattsun. Iwa’s in charge till i get back so if you need anything ask him”
You could tell by the way he was talking that it was something serious and therefore probably something to do with the mafia
Sure you had done a few things for Seijoh like fax some papers and have oikawa sign a few things but nothing to where oikawa needed to leave has ever come up
He could see anxiety cloud over your face
“Hey”
He grabbed your hand and gave it a small squeeze
“I’ll be fine. You have nothing to worry about, okay?”
You nodded your head
“Please be safe”
Worry reflected in your eyes and it made him almost go weak
All he could do was nod and give a half smile
The entire time he was away you sat at his desk anxiously waiting for his return
...
“Cough up the money oikawa. We had a deal”
Oikawa looked at the man in front of him with his trademark empty smile
“That wasnt our deal. Now give us what you owe”
The room was tense but nothing that oikawa hasnt dealed with before
But his world soon turned upside down with what was thrown on the table that stood between them next
The color drained from his face as he looked at pictures taken of you without anyone knowing
“Where the hell did you get these”
The man in front of him just laughed
“Now thats an interesting expression oikawa. Never thought id see the day where that smile of yours wasnt on your face”
His knuckles were turning white from how hard he was clenching his fists
“You know, it would almost be a shame if something were to happen to them”
Oikawas eyes widened in fear
It felt as if time around him had stopped for this one moment
And it made him want to puke
“Dont you dare lay a hand on them”
His jaw was so tense that he thought he was about to pop a blood vessel
“Then give us the money”
He wasnt left with much of a choice
So he did what he was told
“See? Was that so hard?”
“Are we done here?”
He was itching to get back as soon as possible
To make sure you were okay
He couldnt rest until he knew you were fine
“Yes now leave”
The car ride seemed to last forever, maki and mattsun had never seen their boss like this and exchanged subtle glances the entire ride
As soon as the car stopped he ran into the building and to your desk
And when he saw you werent there his heart dropped
‘Where are you, y/n?!’
The only other place you could be was his office
He slammed his door open only to see you jump up from his desk, the sleep in your eyes still evident
He let out the breath he didnt even know he was holding as soon as his eyes landed on you
He went straight over to you and pulled you into his arms
The tightness of the hold around you was comforting yet alarming
You brought your arms up to wrap around him and you swear you could feel him slightly shaking
“Oikawa?”
You voice was soft and made him feel weak in the knees
“Just…let me stay like this for a moment”
After that day you were moved into his home and he never left your side
He never fully explained what happened that day
But you knew it had shaken him
Especially since you havent seen his smile since then
You were escorted everywhere
And when you asked why you were only given the short answer of “i said i’d guard you so i'm doing that”
You didnt mind being with him, really
If anything you liked being able to be with him all the time
You just hoped you werent being a hindrance
So one night as you laid in bed while oikawa sat on the ground next to you leaning against the bed frame, you turned towards him
He had been doing this lately to “guard” you and you knew he wasnt sleeping much
“Oikawa”
His eyes immediately met yours
“Am i being a burden on you?”
Though it was dark, he could hear the sadness in your voice
“I just feel like ive been holding you back lately and thats the last thing i want to do”
He cupped your face with his hand and gently stroked your cheek
“Not to mention that you havent smiled once since coming back that day and it just all feels very distant and lonesome. I hope you know that you can talk to me, i’ll never judge you for anything”
And in those few simple words the gate that had been holding back all of his emotions back suddenly broke
“y/n im scared”
His head hung low as his lips trembled
“Im scared to lose you and im scared that ive become weak since being with you but i just cant let you go. Losing you makes me feel more terrified than anything else”
The thought of losing you made it feel as if he was drowning and the water was filling his lungs with a burning sensation
You sat up in your bed and took his hand in yours
“Then why dont you turn that fear into strength? Hiding me...putting me under 24 hour surveillance...its no different than running. I dont want to be away from you either oikawa”
How did you always clear his head? It was like your words just made everything make sense
He made his way onto your bed and started to kiss you, soft yet hungry for more
He could never get enough of you
You made his heart full
And you became his strength
You made him strong and he could never forget this debt
taglist:  @the-ironic-me @multisun @my-mass-hysteria @sugawsites @youbloodylegendyoudidit @sinthxy @celamoon​ @tinymouth @fait-de-fleurs @tsukifanbase​ @69owo​ @laglyssage @hearteyeskags​ @ntngann​ @shnnn​ @fukuro-dani-ace​​ @exponentially-tired​​ @soy1melk​
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Pink Chains
Pt 3
Kyotani owns a grunge /punk apparel shop after leaving the Sendai Frogs after a incident with the Black Jackals. He designs his own clothes and hires Oikawa & Iwaizumi as his employees. Everything goes smoothly for awhile, till you walk in; pink dress, big smile , and bubbly personality. His whole life stops in that moment. 
Punk! Kyotani x Bubbly! F! Reader. ❤️
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Kyo had walked you to school after the both of you had calmed down. He hated seeing you cry jesus christ, it hurt him to his core. All he could think about was those tears running down your pretty face down to your fake smile. He was really falling for you, this was a first for him so he had no idea if what he had been doing was right or what.
You skipped ahead of him, he glanced up a couple times and got a big smile on his face. You had on a blue dress with flats and his jacket on, it was too big for you of course but you insisted on wearing it. And that's when he knew he was doing it right. Seeing you in his clothes and having that big smile on your face that was just for him.
“Kyooo!!! I gotta go!”
He shook his head walking to you and putting his arms around your shoulders. “Do you? Skip sweetie.” He teased looking over you to see people staring.
“Kyo!” You gave him an angry face and he just laughed kissing your head. “I'll turn you into a rule breaker yet. Have a good day sweetie.”
“Not uh!” You squeezed him tightly for a minute. “Dont sweat this morning kay?!? I can fight with you, are you working today?”
Your words cut him deep, sure his friends had his back but this was .. different. You were willing to defend him from anything . Hopefully you never had to do that. He ran his fingers through your head and swayed a bit whispering in your ear. “People are staring,”
You giggled just squeezing him more and Kyo smirked , he placed a light smack on your thigh stepping back chuckling at the little yip you did .
“Kyo!”
“Yeah sweetie i work today but im closing early, beach volleyball with friends . Ill text you when i close up shop okay?”
“You better!!” You placed a kiss on his chest and ran off into the school looking back and waving before disappearing.
Kyo waited till you were in the school before leaving. He shot everyone a smug ass grin too as he made his way down the street. Fuck his car was still at the store.
Kyo was not in any rush to get to work. Hell it was his store whos gonna rage at him? No one . Hes the boss. And besides Iwaizumi is most likely there already opening up the store anyway. The heavy rings on his right hand clicked all around while he made his way down the boardwalk strip , hands in his pockets while he eyed all the shops.
Buncha no good stores. If it didn't cost so much to get his brand up and running he could have a bigger building , or at least a better location-… he stopped walking and shook his head. “That's a terrible idea. Kyotani cmon get it together.” He sighed, rubbing his sleeve. “I would never had met her..”
Bbbbbbeeep
“Mad Dog chaaaaaaan!!!!” A car zoomed up to him skidding to a stop . Oikawa peaked out the window grinning.
**
Meanwhile, you were just getting into the first class of the day. Everyone was sneaking looks at you because of the jacket but you had no idea. You were too caught up on last night to really pay attention. Trying to take your mind off it you pulled a red notebook from your bag to doodle while listening to the teacher.
Soon enough the blank notebook page was full of design ideas; red pandas with hats , clothes and big fluffy tails. The designs were really cute , your teacher even complimented them from time to time . But you really just wanted a brand to pick you up, graduation was soon and you did not want to not have a job lined up.
“Y/n.. hey y/n”
A voice next to you alerted you to look up and over to see Kio, the girl who sat next to you in class.
“Oh hey Kio, whats up?!?”
Kio placed her hand on her head with her elbow on the table looking you over in this jacket. She never really talked to you unless she needed notes and was only taking this class for the credit she needed .
“That jacket is so different from what you wear y/n. Where'd ya get it?”
You were about to answer her but heard a snicker behind you , must be Yukio, Kios friend, also in need of credits for graduation. Would probably be best not to mention the store, Kyo did not need the harassment.
“Its my boyfriend's jacket!” You told them pulling it close with a big smile on your face.
Kio and Yukio locked eyes then looked at you .
“Boyfriend?” Kio asked.
“Looks like he has the opposite style as you y/n.” Yukio chimed in , leaning over her table. “Was he that guy with you this morning?”
“Yep!!!”
“He looks.. familiar..” Kio said tapping her pen on his lips.
“He does huh?” Yukio said leaning closer. “Whats his name hm?”
“..Kyo?” You were starting to get uncomfortable with all the questions.
“Oh!!!” Yuki yipped looking at Kio. “Kyotani! The Sendai Frogs!!!”
“..the Frogs? So hes..” Kio shot you a look. “He beat up Bokuto. For no goddamn reason.”
You shuffled around in your seat sneaking glances at the clock hoping it would somehow speed up so you could leave. It was not their business to know the reason behind it. Kyo was a very sweet guy , you had only known him a day but in those hours together you had never been happier; he opened up to you, cried even. Kyotani genuinely feels bad about that incident. He helped you through the tattoo instead of getting upset and brought you around his friend. The smirky smile he threw you always gave you butterflies in your stomach and sent your heart a flutter. He was just a misunderstood guy trying to start over with his friends.
You pulled the jacket off as soon as you heard the sweet sound of the bell and gathered up your bag standing up with the jacket over your arm close to your heart.
“Where do you think youre goin?” Kio got up following you out of the classroom along with Yukio. “Were not done y/n.”
Yukio grabbed your bag yanking it back and You spun around with a big smile and a sweet but slightly angry voice. “Kyo is a good guy and i really like him. I don't care if you two don't. You dont know the whole story either. And please stop following me, its not nice.” You waved at them so they could see your tattoo and you left in a quick pace down the hall . You pulled your phone from your bag texting with shaky hands.
**
Oikawa had dropped Kyo off at his store so he could drive home to shower and change and then go back to start his shift. He was tired and thankful no one could tell he had been crying the night before. Iwaizumi probably knew but he did not say anything, not with Oikawa around.
Kyo had on his shops uniform shirt which was a red dog house on a black shirt that said The Dog House on the back wrapped in chains. The summer line was selling smoothly and Mattsun had let him know that Yahaba agreed to come to the beach volleyball . He helped Iwaizumi unload a shipment while Oikawa was manning the front .
“So how'd it go last night?” He asked, passing Kyo a box.
“I told her .. everything.” The box was set down
“Oh ..? You? You did? What she say?” Iwa got another box groaning from its weight and giving it to Kyo
“Fucking hell.. would it kill them to pack the boots in all the boxes.. she said she was not scared of me. Dammit Iwaizumi she said she would fight with me.” He set the box down cursing .
“Fuck.. Kyotani.” Iwaizumi closed the truck up patting the back watching it drive off. “I know you've only just met her but she seems- Kyo?” He looked at his friend and he was staring at his phone , he looked like he was going to punch something .
Y/n: Kyo.. these girls in my class asked me about my jacket so i said it's my boyfriends and they asked your name cuz you look familiar and I told them and they .. brought up the Incident .
Y/N: i uhm, i did not say anything else but they were upset cuz they like Bokuto i guess but.. i left and they followed me and.. yanked me back. I .
Y/n: i was tough like you would be and asked them to leave me alone and i left. But.. uhm.. can.. can you call me when you can please..
“Iwaizumi...”
“You dont gotta say it. I can watch the front for a minute. “ he put his hand in Kyotanis arm watching his friend huff and puff . “Relax. Take a deep breath. “ Iwaizumi left his friend and Kyotani sat down on a box outside looking at the clouds in the sky with his phone to his ear.
“Kyo…” you sounded shaky and panicked
“Sweetie. Take a deep breath.” He was surprisingly calm sounding. He wanted to explode on the inside though, march right back to that school and take you into his arms and scare the hell out of those girls..He heard you breath in and out a few times till it evened out.
“Alright. Where are you right now Sweetie?”
“The.. outside.. courtyard..”
“Is it pretty there? Tell me what you see.” He leaned back on a box with his back to his shop. He brought one knee up tracing his index finger around in one of the holes in his jeans tugging at the strings making it bigger.
“Uhm… magnolias.. an oak tree.. some students are studying. It is pretty..”
“Sweetie..”
“Yes..?”
“Everything is okay now. Okay?”
“I.. yeah.. I tried to be tough but..i don't know. I said your a good guy cuz you are and I asked them to leave me alone.”
He ripped a few strings in the hole maging it even bigger over his knee. “Do you want me to pick you up after school?”
“Yeah.. i .. i just.”
“Ill be there sweetie.” He suddenly got an idea. “Promise. Now hows my happy girls day going now?”
He heard you giggle and the both of you relaxed slowly while you talked on the phone. You told him about your classes and the doodles you did too and Kyo asked you to send him them, he did not say why though.
“I gotta go sweetie. Ill be out front okay?”
“Kay.. have a good day Kyo.”
“You too Sweetie.” He hung up the phone and got up feeling the fire in him grow again.
After moving the boxes in he went to the front pulling Kawa and Iwa aside to the register explaining what happened. They were both upset over what they heard. Kyotani smirked texting Mattsun then looking at his friends.
“So after beach volleyball you know what we gotta do right?”
“Ou im excitedddd.” Kawa said with a big smile
“I gotta say im excited too.” Iwa said smirking and leaning on the register . “Im sure Mattsun is eager too.”
Kyo looked down reading the text with a side smirk. “Fuck with my girl and see what happens…”
**
@squeaky-ducky @zoppzoop
@haikyuu-but-low-iq @mochababes @kozushiki. @milkbreadcat @derpeedoo
*
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beizhuo · 3 years
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alright folks , i made this post last night about amending my carrd rules . & now , after calming somewhat down from getting sick to my stomach about it , i must now make one final update post about this to make people really & fully understand where i stand . why ? because i am , once again , having / needing to finely comb through the people i want to follow & interact with due to some very , VERY toxic behavior & terrible , childish individuals that think its real cute to stalk , harrass , steal , & gatekeep folks . 
understand that i will NOT be namedropping anybody in this post . this is not my intention . i am not out here to isolate folks or make people ‘ chose sides ’ . making people do that is absolutely horrible ! i do not give a damn who other people interact with . i do , however have extreme issues with theft ( amongst other things ) . i can draw a god damn line at theft ! 
harassment ? don’t care . you’re trolling , i can ignore you . gatekeeping . you’e petty and attention seeking im here for friends anyway . but actual literal theft - i can draw a line there . please get out & OFF MY BLOG if you are so unoriginal that you haveta steal from me or my friends !
please know that you can interact with those thieves & gatekeepers , i don’t care ! but understand that i will most likely softblock you because i genuinely do not want them to find me . no hard feelings . ( they have found my other 2 blogs , and i am tired of them finding me ! especially for baizhu ! i don’t even follow some of my friends here cause of this ! ) i am not even in the genshin community to begin with . my group ? we don’t do communities for toxic behavior and people being so exclusive to the point of driving people out & away . its distasteful and mean ! do you know that i have some friends that were cut off from communities entirely all because they were a dupe ? tHAT is the kind of dupe drama i fucking hate . along with theft . anyway . i will start from the beginning of my rules that i deem important .
DUPLICATES . ( AND MIMICRY / THEFT )
the irony that this is the first point . it is like it was a wonderful transition . anyway . this is actually having to deal with two rule points . and i want to group them together cause they are related .
myself & a few other people have come to find out that .... there is somebody AT THE VERY LEAST taking inspo from us . i will start with dupes .
my friend has a character and was WHOLLY mistaken for another mun . which is fine . that happens , but things took a turn for the worse when they were then shunned / cut off because they werent ‘ good enough ’ . do you know how HORRIBLE that is ? to be told that you aren’t good because you weren’t the mun that they wanted ? this is the type of shit i cannot stand with dupe drama . DO NOT EVER COMPARE DUPES WITH ONE ANOTHER !!! i mean it . 
i follow different childes ! and you know what i adore them both . they are both amazing ! 
sure i may have my mains / exclusives ( and im not inclined to interact with other blogs of that same character ) but i still like portrayals . i do , in fact , just READ threads sometimes . i don’t necessarily follow for interactions . like ffs man . i like variety . jesus christ .
going to mimicry / theft . you know ... i have fucking seen this with a couple of friends . there is a difference between coincidental similarities , however ! for myself & for my friends , we have SEEN inspo taken from us . im gonna say this really loud for people .
MIMICRY IS NOT FUCKING FLATTERY . 
do not take inspo from me . especially without credit . absolutely do NOT do it . you are very unoriginal for doing that shit . 
now , you like something i make / made ? you are inspired to want to make something ? fine , that’s okay , you can ALSO fucking ask me , you can also credit me . as you fucking should ! you can notify me and go , damn , i really like your style , do you mind if i use it in xyz ? sure , go right ahead . do it . im begging you , go ahead and do it IF YOU FUCKING ASK ME . god im so fucking angry about this , but this is some vile shit . and im angry .
i am angry and terrified cause i literally cannot get away from these people cause they seem to be wherever i go . i DO NOT DO COMMUNITIES BECAUSE OF THIS .
as a good friend said : it’s like they are a virus that you cannot get rid of .
thats what happens with attention seekers unfortunately , but for the sake of my safety & health , i will not have it on my blog or dash . if i see these people on my dash often , i will unfollow .
and it isn’t like a specific person , its a GROUP of people . which leads me to my next point .
DRAMA / CALLOUTS.
imagine having beef with an individual , and then going around and gatekeeping that individual and getting people to unfollow / block them . im not talking about , ‘ hey this person is vile because they ship incest ’ . i am talking about ‘ i had a disagreement with this person & they hurt my feelings >:/ they are mean and will hurt you . etc etc etc . ’ 
i do not give a flying fuck about somebodies issues with another person . so you guys don’t get along . not my problem . i have people that hate me . i have friends where i hate their friends . shit happens . i am probably absolute scum to some people lol . i get mistaken for other people sometimes . it’s fine , hate me cause you think im that person . that person is snowflake repellent anyway , go choke on your kool aide that you are drinking ig . 
okay sorry i am angry but still . people claim and cry about wanting to talk & communicate . but then . guess what . sometimes shitty people are like , so this person said this to me , and they are mean . IF YOU ARE THE PERSON THAT GOES ‘ OH MY GOD HOW DARE THEY ’ AND BLOCK THEM THEN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM . i will give an example . of using my two names that i have .
somebody goes to amphy and says ‘omg ghost said this , and im frustrated and angry with them cause what he said was uncalled for . ’ if amphy goes ‘ omg ghost is shitty ’ and then unfollows / blocks them without any other discussion , then thats an issue cause ghost has no idea wtf happen . amphy got involved in YOUR relationship with ghost even though ghost has been nothing but kind and sweet to you . you also don’t know if amphy is just victimising or being emotional either . so why they fuck would you believe somebody who is venting to you about it and then block somebody who did literally NOTHING to you .
i dont know if i explained that correctly but i will give you something more realistic , again without namedropping .
i have a few friends that hate one another . i’ve known all of them for years . but they all , i kid you not , they ALL fucking hate each other . there’s three of them . and they cannot stand each other . i just happen to be somebody who gets along with all of them . you bet your ass that at one point , they all came to talk mad shit about the others . what did i do ? i went , oh okay . well im sorry that you have issues with them . sounds like a bad experience , but i can’t do anything about that cause i am not you and i am not them . if you are gonna change my mind , it isn’t gonna happen , sorry !
i have had people shit talk people i have no idea who they are , and i just sit here just being a source for them to vent , but i never NEVER EVER act on anything i hear . why ? cause its petty drama and gossip . if you do that , then damn , sorry kiddo , get some help on that alright ? maybe be nicer . i dunno .
now . racism ? pedophilia ? incest ? HARMFUL SHIT ? that’s different . but again , theres a lot of miscommunication . i have people coming and pulling the cards like they are hot shit  and that isn’t fucking cute . THAT ISN’T CUTE GUYS . you are the problem if you try to victimize yourself cause of something YOU misinterpreted .
i have a friend that has this on their blog .
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i am literally going off on a god damn tangent . anyway . :) 
fuck you if drink kool aide .
THERE ARE OTHER MENTAL DISORDERS! YOU ARE ABLEIST IS YOU ERASE THE OTHER (UN)COMMON ONES.
i know that autism is the ‘common’ one here . you are valid okay . but guess what . ADHD , BPD, DiD, and straight up depression and anxiety are also things as well ! there are MANY folks here that are also undiagnosed as well OR they lay on some sort of spectrum as well . I am once again not going to disclose my own things here cause again THAT IS PRIVATE INFO , but fuck you if you refuse to see other disabilities .
also there are physical disabilities as well btw .
if you are not understanding of any other disability , or you wanna mute / deafen other mental disorders , YOU ARE THE FUCKING PROBLEM .
end of story . 
treat other people how you want them to treat you and don’t you dare ever shove your baggage at them . thanks . 
please be more understanding that some people are not okay:tm: . 
i implore you to get help if you need help , but sometimes some people dont have to take your shit . and they most certainly do not need to sit and take your issues if they are not okay either . its toxic and very unhealthy behavior to expect others to help you . they can help you as best as they can , but you need to understand that everybody has their moments . do not guilttrip them . do not gaslight them . 
but also understand that sometimes , people are saying things cause they genuinely need help ! you can be there for them but as a friend , you need to also tell them your own boundaries as well and tell them that they need to seek professional help .
but also , if somebody refuses to get help , then that is on them . not on you . 
anyway another tangent , but back to the point . autism , while you need to understand is something you need to see and understand , is not the only mental disorder ! and you need to understand that some people suffer from really REALLY shitty things and are sometimes undiagnosed . i am really REALLY tired of depression , ADHD , BPD, and DiD getting brushed under the rug like they are not important . cause guess what , there are spectrums ! all mental health is important . fuck you if you disregard the other disorders , you are being ableist .
STOP HATE READING PEOPLE.
im really sick and tired of this . you don’t like something somebody said ? you can either : ask what they meant or block / unfollow them . 
DO NOT FUCKING STALK THEM EITHER . 
you have an obsession if you hover on their blog too .. do not do that . that is SO unhealthy for you . here is what a friend said on twitter . ( not name dropping them , just copy pasting them )
❛ i stg people need to fine a better hobby than to hate read a persons blog or profile. not a good look on you when you go and read what they post about just to get angry at something you think they said and then you go off spewing lies about it cause 'youre offended.'  
like you already hate them in the first place. you weren’t 'looking to see if they were a better person.' youre just looking to find another thing to hate about them. 
that is what hate reading is about. so you can read their posts and find just another reason to hate and laugh at how bad you think they are.
but it doesnt make you a better person. it just makes you a sad person with no life. stop hate reading people. grow tf up. go breathe on some plants or something idk.
i say this very loud and clear . if you hate read me , i live in your head rent free . not my problem . but it does become my problem if you begin to steal shit and start spewing lies about myself or my friends . grow up and move on with your life . sorry my life seems more interesting than you ig . idk .
anway this got long , and at this point i am going off on a tangent but !!!!
TL ; DR
read my rules ig . idk .
you can dm me for more info if you want . at this point i have blocked the problem blogs for myself. if you are curious you can ask . HOWEVER. i am not going to tell you to block or unfollow . why ? cause at the end of the day , it is MY beef . this are my issues . i am NOT here to gatekeep .
i will say that i will tell you IN private the for MY story . but keep in mind that it is MY story . not yours . not theirs . it is all about perception .
my perception is that they are scummy gatekeeping thieves . they gatekeep the people they dont like or are intimidated by . i am somebody who fucking bites and calls people out on their shit , because of this ? i make enemies . but my enemies are not yours . i dont care .  dont give a damn . i am intimidating to people who are cowards and i don’t care . 
if they feel bad when i call them out , if they try to go around and do damage control , then that means they are guilty .
and then you can ask yourself this : why are they reacting like that ?
i am once again going to bring up that other twitter user that i quoted before .
❛  you dont like hearing that because someone is holding a mirror up to you and it makes you uncomfortable because you know you . and you know the parts of you that are good . so in your heart you have to come up with a narrative that makes you feel better about the fact that somebody is asking your to confront the parts about yourself that you hate the most .
anyway . this got long . im so sorry for the long read . im so sorry i sounded hostile ad angry . im just volatile sometimes . im just really tired . and i dont need to come on this blog and have a panic attack . 
anyway . cheers loves ! stay happy , stay healthy . drink your fluids . take your meds !
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grxceblqckthxrn · 4 years
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hi @chocolatecarstairs came up with these post-CHOG questions and i really want to answer them because im sad that im finished reading it :((
MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW
what was your favorite part, 1 or 2?
Honestly I loved both parts, but I’d say I loved part two just a little bit more for the time that James wasn’t under the curse anymore and LOVED Cordelia
which scene in the book was your favorite?
EVERY scene that had Matthew and James being wholesome parabatai in it!!! my favourite chapter in this book was Blue Ruin, the one after Grace takes the bracelet back from James  (aside from the whispering room ofc).
what scene (or scenes) made you cry the most?
ok ngl i didnt spend much of this book crying, but the only scene that actually made me tear up was when james was dying and matthew could feel it and jesse (WHO I FUCKING LOVED MORE THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD) gave him his last breath :(((((
what scenes were unsatisfactory?
there were not enough Christopher scenes (but to be fair, even if the entire book was just Christopher it still wouldnt be enough for me)
but fr, i cant think of any off the top of my head but i’ll edit this if i do later
what made you laugh the most?
matthew!! james!! thomas!! christopher!! also some of the things Jesse said
what bored you?
this wasn’t boring, but the whole charles/alastair plot line didn’t have me very invested. I did love the alastair/ cordelia scenes tho, so it was just charles that was the problem
also no offense to james bc he was my first actual fictional crush after reading TMH/NBS but like whenever he talked about being in grace i would literally zone out lol the bracelet curse makes him so boring but whenever he isnt in the curse/ is with someone who is NOT grace i just!! love him!!
what disappointed you?
cassie honestly had me kinda shipping matthew/cordelia for a solid FIVE SECONDS there when he stepped in to dance with her after james left her standing there, but that was one of the only scenes that made me feel like they had natural chemistry (along with the scene where he drops her off at her house). I felt like the during the rest of their interactions in the book, cordelia was kind of uncomfortable, which made me really sad because even tho she has every right to feel that way, i felt bad for matthew. I kind of want him to fall for someone else completely and for it to be reciprocated. also, i just really want for matthew and cordelia to become good friends because i feel like they could have such great natural chemistry if matthew didnt love her.
what is the top thing you wish had been done differently?
see above.
what things did you predict that came true?
JAMES BURNING DOWN BLACKTHORN MANOR I FUCKING SAID HE WOULD DO IT TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO IF YALL WANT ME TO LINK THE THEORY LMK
what are some things that were really unexpected?
ok there’s quite a few things here so bear w me babes:
- James genuinely loving cordelia from the start. I wasn’t expecting him to naturally feel nothing for grace at all, so i was expecting a slow burn jordelia, but finding out that he actually loves her makes me so happy but the end where cordelia thinks he was just pretending breaks my heart :(((
-matthew liking cordelia lol definitely was not expecting another parabatai love triangle but i hope it doesnt last. i do think it adds to the plot and i love it, it just hurts to see matthew so emo :(((
-I was expecting to like cordelia as a character, but i ended up LOVING her so fucking much???? she’s so three dimensional to me, and it’s interesting to see how her personality adapts around different characters as people adapt around different social circles irl
-liking jesse as much as i did
-ok so james’ entire character was a surprise to me. it’s so fascinating to see how the bracelet actually affected his personality.If you recall him in The Midnight Heir from TBC. he’s like an entirely different person. i still loved him in TMH but i went into CHOG thinking that if he was gonna be like that the entire time i’d probably get over him really quickly. i was pleasantly surprised by how much i ended up loving him even more tho
-i didn’t expect oliver hayward to die and im going to stay emo about it
- Christopher is so much more clear headed than he was made out to be prior?? like there were so many scenes where he was fully there and when he defended anna to alastair i just kfdsnfkld i love him
are there characters that you didn’t like before that you like now?
yikes umm... Alastair, maybe? he’s somewhat okay to me now, I dont dislike him as much as I used to. ooh and Hypatia Vex. the only scene i remember liking her in QOAAD was when she helped out kit, ty and dru (me, going a whole TSC post without somehow mentioning kit? not possible)
are there characters that you liked before that you don’t like now?
I started CHOG ready to give Grace the benefit of the doubt, and I was surprised by how timid and shy she seemed at the start, but it was interesting to see how it was all an act and how she doesn’t have an actual personality yet. one could argue that she actually does love james, but i doubt it at this point. i dont hate her yet, even tho she IS fucking up james’ life, but she’s on thin fucking ice.
who was your favorite new character?
does new character mean completely new or just never been in a novella new? because for the first, it would be Cordelia (i LOVE her sm!!) and other wise it would be james, matthew and co. also!!! jesse!!
what places in the book would you like to visit?
that hell dimension sounds pretty lit ngl
did you like the ending?
ok so. we KNOW that jordelia is gonna be endgame. cassandra clare always takes the hardest path to get there, but when has she not delivered? it’s just a matter of waiting. so, yes, i did like the ending in sense of the plot because it was a great twist, but i also feel really bad for all of them even tho ik they’re eventually gonna be together :(((
what did you think of the epilogue?
i wasnt surprised, since we alr know that Tatiana is shady asf, but i just really wanna know how she partnered up with a GREATER demon like lol wtf. again, im really happy in terms of plot with this
what are your thoughts on the engagement?
i feel so. fucking bad. for cordelia. and james too, even tho he’s under the bracelet’s curse so he doesnt even KNOW he’s being manipulated. but i love how even through the curse, james still loves cordelia in his own way.
what did you want to see that didn’t happen?
matthew getting therapy periodt
umm honestly i just want more “merry thieves” content like i just love. all of them.
what do you wish had been resolved that wasn’t?
i really want matthew to tell james or cordelia what happened because i just need him to be loved and supported lol i want to give him a hug. 
what is your favorite pairing as of now?
jordelia!!! and lucie and jesse are kind cute rn, and i like them if theyre gonna be pining after eachother but i feel like if they actually get together i wont like the relationship as much.
which characters would you like to see more of in the next book?
CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER 
ANNA!!! i lovED reading about her she’s so badass
matthew!! jesse!! also i wanna see more of those bitchy girls lol just so we can see anna or cordelia tell them to stfu
what is one character whose death you would undo if you could?
ok i know that jesse is still very much a conscious character despite being dead but like,,, i want him to be the way he was before and also i want him to come back to life
and barbara!! she seemed so sweet 
which characters got bad/unsatisfactory endings?
ummm barbara? i cant really say much on this yet bc its still only the first book and when has the first book ever ended up with anyone being happy.
oh but also can we sign a petition to make cassie let matthew actually survive the series because my heart aches just at the THOUGHT of eventually having to read a scene where he dies
which characters got what they deserved?
literally. none of them yet. :(
who should have died but didn’t?
Tatiana lol also lowkey charles but i also feel pity him to an extent 
what plotline are you most excited to see in the next book?
okay the entire jesse plot has me hooked because i LOVE his character. also i love the bracelet plot but its making me MAD because i just want james to be happy but
what is one scene that you wish hadn’t happened, but you know was unavoidable?
THE ONE WHERE GRACE PUTS THE BRACELET BACK ON JAMES. i mean obv there was no way he was completely done with grace, but i literally got so sad at that part like why HIM of all people smfh let him be happy
which pairing do you like the least?
alastair x charles, grace x james, lucie x matthew bc neither of them actually like either imo lol
what are some theories you have for chain of iron?
- not necessarily for COI but i think matthew is gonna get exiled and turned into made into a mundane
- the bracelet will break (?)
- jesse will come back to life (like actual life) at the end of the book
-grace is gonna do something to help the main characters, making it hard for us to hate her.
what characters do you think should have gotten more plot time?
lol are yall gonna hate me if i say christopher again (also anna)
anyways this was really fun!!!!! PLEASE ASK ME STUFF ABOUT MY OPINIONS AND STUFF OR JUST SAY ANYTHING ABT THE BOOK BC IM DESPERATE TO TALK TO PPL ABOUT IT
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r4mm5tein · 4 years
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While lookin at this lil gem by @becky-the-frenchie , I got an idea for a fanfic, the plot taking place in the early Rammstein days. Them being still soo young and careless, because its the best era😎.
It would start as a Paulchard fic at first, them already being boyfriends, just casually dating eachother,being young and wild. And then,our of nowhere, we get the Schneider's POV some chapters in. In which we find out,that basically he is actually secretly (and pretty hoplessly) into Paul. And theres all this angst going inside his mind. The mood shifts to a bit more depressing one :D
After the night of drinking he accidently spills his secret to Till, who doesnt show any specific for some reason ,just kind of 'well im sorry about it,it really sucks' vibe. But something weird flashes behind his eyes for a sec.
The tour begins. At first, everything is fine. But... Some events happen that lead to Schneider finally slipping and coming onto Paul somehow. Ofcourse Paul cannot resist him immediatly and this situation starts some serious sneaking around and cheating, while still bein with Reesh, as Paul falls for Schneider too...
The angst returns. They fight because he tells Schneider they cannot go on like this. Paul tries to be happy with Richard and ignore his urges concerning Schneider. Richard gets the feeling, that something is off about Paul.
Then, once again, something happens again where Paul and Schneider sneak off together and do some nastiesz (while probably drunk) and Flake accidently sees them sercretly. Then he emotionally gets involved into the situation as he now has to decide if he should tell Richard about what happened or keep his mouth shut ,which is not a good decision,he feels.
Weeks pass, and on the surface everything seems 'kind of' fine, but Flake cannot hold it any longer. He tells Till about it. Till confesses to him that Christoph has told him that some time ago that he likes Paul. But Till just has been keeping the secret, because he just thought its not his place to get into it.
They tour,they party. The attraction between Paul and Schneider is not leaving anywhere, it really gets bad. It gets harder foe Paul, he is mad at himself. He starts punishing himself mentally for messing up this bad... He doesnt want to hurt Richard. But he does. He starts being more snappy with him. They start to fight constantly. He and Schneider also start fighting. Everybody is suffering. Poor Richard is lost and depressed because he doesnt understand what the fuck is going on.
One night they all are drinking together in a hotel room (best scenary for things to go down,lol). The more they get drunk the more things get outta hand, as Paul and Reesh start snapping at eachother. Another fighting fit breaks out between them. Drunk Till gets furious. He stands up for Reesh against Paul. And accidently spills everything that Flake has told him about Paul cheating on Reesh with no one other than Schneider, who is just sitting there with complete shock on his face
Flake tries to stop Till, but he just goes off, also telling everyone that Flake saw them. Richard is a mess. Paul just storms of to god knows where talking absolute frantic nonsense and Flake and Oli take after him. Schneider locks himself inside the backroom (luckly they are inside his room) and does not leave. Till drags Richard to his room to calm him down as best as he can (which means Richard crying in his arms for half of the night until they fall asleep, just like they always do when one of them gwt hearrbroken by someone).
Things are pretty sour after that. It goes without a word,that Paul and Richard are no longer together. Things are just overall weird. Flake comes to Richard and says hes super sorry he did not tell him immediately after he saw it ,as he did not want to hurt him. Richard weakly answers 'its okay,flake'.
Totally depressed Richard starts spending most of his time with Till, who helps him every way he can. But Till feels extremely bad, cause, it was kind of his fault Richard had to find out the worst way possible. But Richard assures him,that it had to be done sooner or later. They talk about things. And fall asleep snuggling together. Night after night. At this time Paul and Schneider almost do not talk as well. Paul is angry at Schneider reassuring himself that it was his fault Paul had lost his way. Schneider feels guilty and ashamed as well. They both just kind of stay on their own, not talking much with others,or eachother.
Oli and Flake,are the ones who try to get things back to normal again,fearing that if they dont the band will fall apart soon. They slowly get people to talk some things out.
Things get somewhat better . But Paul and Schneider do not communicate much. Also Richard avoids Paul for most part as well. He gets real close with Till, always going to sleep together as he needs someone next to him to not go insane. Till understands and he just stays by his side.
This leads to them kissing one night. Till starts apologizing for it immediately. But something shifts in Richard and he tells Till that its okay,and he wants it. They do some light nasty-nasty stuff. This leaves them a bit weirded out at first, but they start feeling mutual attraction fe one another. They kind of start dating secretly.
After sometime Richard realizes that he is ready to talk to Paul as the feelings inside him start shifting towards Till. They talk it out,they cry. Paul says hes sorry a million times. And then says that hes even more sorry that he doesnt feel bad that they are no longer together. Richard just says its okay. Paul thinks that this went smoother then he thought it would. They make up finally.
As time goes by Paul and Schneider stay silent with one another for some more time. Paul still made at Schneider for making him cheat and feel like a complete scumbag. Schneider not daring to try and do anything to make things better as well, he feels super guilty. Both of them wanting eachother but feeling its not right somehow,after everything.
The overal atmosphere in the band is much better. Even Paul and Schneider start talking from time to time. But only if there is others in the room with them.
Till confesses to Richard that he was in love with him for years now, but just learned to live with himself not being able to have Reesh (opposite of what Schneider had done with Paul lol). Finally they tell others they started dating. Its a bit weird at first, but nobody really minds.
But it still leaves other two love birds broken and not knowing what to do, crying about it to others. Finally after much encouragement from others one of them works up the courage to go to the other one (maybe it should be Schneider, Paul seems like he has too much pride, plus Schneider feels too guilty about dragging Paul into this mess). After some weirdness ,then shouting and then somehow working things out- they finally make up. Some dirty things follow after that. Everyone is finally happy. But who knows for how long?...
Hm... So as you can see Im in LOVE with realistic fics that usually take place on tour or something other band related and overall just doesnt go into any crazy fantasy AUs. And babystein is what makes me weeeak,haha.
When I started writing this little fic plot idea, didnt think I will write half of the fic.. haha (its far from something one could call a fic, but it is more than i could ever imagine myself writing ever lol. Soo.. From now on Im a prompt writer...i guess?? Call me! 😅)
Since i could not sleep, cause its DAMN HOT HERE! I just put myself into this fun distraction and went into this lil nonsense headfirst and let my mind go wild without any real reason to, at all, lol... Just had to let it out of my system, probably 😅😅 I dont even know if its somewhat interesting as an idea or just a complete dog shite. Probably no one will read this anyway😄 But if they do.....I mean, if someone wants to take this as an prompt/ idea for a fic feel free haha. I will be more than glad to pass it to anyone who is interested. Or just ignore, if u think its pointless, cause it probably is. Its midnight and i feel high from humidity and lack of sleep...
Also there's a post who inspired this weirdness for me somehow😃 :
Please check it out and also other posts from this user. Their art is soo good!
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bi-dazai · 4 years
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a summary of the whole contrapoints thing from someone who has been spending most of her time on twitter and seen it first-hand throughout
(im using screenshots, some ive downloaded from trusted twitter mutuals and some ive made myself. since i have the shinigami eyes extension and many of my twitter mutuals dont, some scs will be inconsistent. i have checked each downloaded sced tweet to make sure theyre real.)
please dont try to start an argument on this post, im just summarising whats happened. ive already argued myself out over on my twitter and whatever point youre trying to make has literally already been said 20 times before.
Basically in late august/september natalie said some inflammatory shit about pronouns and nbs and “binary transes” which she’d said stuff along the lines of in the past. both nb and binary trans folks have criticised her lightly for this kind of attitude in the past as well. she has a pattern of behaviour (including being very...lenient towards terfs) but the stuff she was saying and the bad takes were tolerable, if incorrect and a little ignorant. what she said this time was basically “asking for pronouns in trans spaces is good i guess but it hurts passing/semi-passing transes like me” which is a take that makes no goddamn sense and is extremely ignorant towards both nb folks and trans folks who do not have the luxury of even trying to pass. she exaggerates the actual effect it has on her as well. basically the entire tweet reads really badly (the discussion was about asking for pronouns in trans spaces):
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peter coffin made some batshit crazy takes (as usual) including inventing the term “enby cultural capital” which he refused to actually evaluate on past asking people to read a book (if you cant clarify your point on your own then you have an issue). he started tweeting like a madman and making it painfully clear how hard he will go to bats for natalie despite him being nb himself (many people joked/suspected  that its because he wants to fuck her, same with philosophytube, and honestly looking at how they see her that isnt hard to believe).
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natalie went off twitter for a while, eventually leaving an apology that was actually alright and made me and several others believe she would return a little more understanding of trans intra-community issues, especially in terms of class because she has always had an issue with ignorance from that angle. she said she had a friend called gwen taking over (nobody knows who this is nor had they ever heard of this friend, leaving some people suspicious that she may have made her up. im not going to confirm or deny this because i have no clue.)
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idk what peter coffin was up to because at this point i and most ppl had officially stopped listening to him but i believe he was angrily tweeting about cancel culture. a lot of people were as well, even though the bulk of the criticisms of natalie had been written and expressed in a mature, appropriate way. some of my twitter mutuals who had been involved in discussing natalie’s past trends with these issues as well as her lack of class consciousness and (probably) accidental antisemitism began to get messages from what was very clearly alt-right trolls trying to doxx natalie. it was real information, which is extremely concerning, but no person published it and her criticisers that got those dms were vocal about not bullying or doxxing natalie. natalie wasn’t pushed away because of “cancel culture”, and “cancel culture” really isnt a real thing and many contra fans believed this too until she came under criticism, which highlights a pretty weird mentality but whatever.
anyway, she came back this week with a new video titled “opulence” which i dont care for watching so i just read about it from my twitter mutuals who did. since i didnt watch it ill only summarise its criticisms very basically. 
to put it simply the main criticisms of the video were that she conflated trans aesthetic with literal opulence and class again, which people weren’t a fan of. she talked about her experience over the last few weeks, spinning it her way because how else would she spin it, thats to be expected. it was mostly just the usual contra, flawed takes and a bit of class ignorance...except for one blaring massive issue which is absolutely undeniable proof for where she’s heading with her politics and her content.
on that video, natalie invited infamous transmed, the guy who outed lana wachowski for money, buck angel, to collab with her. this guy is infamous in the trans community for being a cis bootlicking bigot. he makes kalvin garrah look like a lovely guy. he’s been around for a very long time and he’s very famous for being a massive asshole. heres just a taste of the kind of attitude he carries:
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contra has previously spoken up about why you shouldn’t platform bigots. so her platforming a bigot has some very very obvious implications.
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needless to say, people were and are pretty mad and very disappointed. a large majority of her fans have been against this.
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 when oliver (philosophytube) promoted the video on his twitter many replies to his quote tweet were his fans begging him to be even mildly critical of contra. 
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on contra’s subreddit (for clarification, natalie isnt a mod there and im not sure about how involved she is on the sub) there was even a thread created in which MANY of her fans on there expressed criticism of contra’s views. the mods then locked the post, deleted comments, and banned the use of the word “truscum” because it was offensive i guess? it was a move very close to “terf is a slur” territory
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furthermore, some pretty infamous transphobes have been in support of her and buck angel in the past, including ian miles cheong which is...wow. some of these are scs from a twitter mutual, but the ones with red names are from me - i have the shinigami eyes extension, so basically any person with a red name is a known transphobe (im surprised buck isnt marked yet lol).
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finally, ill put some threads here that give a pretty good analysis and view of the situation imo
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5sosbitchfest · 4 years
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Alrighty, Nonsters.  We currently have 290 Asks in our box!  As much as we might try, I know there is NO WAY we’re going to be able to get through all of them.  Everything exploded this weekend when MessyGate went down!   I don’t want to ignore any asks just because I already answered a similar one.  So, I’ve tried to gather as many similar Asks as possible to let your your voices be heard.  Y’all are definitely NOT alone in your feelings.  Get ready for a lot of opinions on Messy’s Twitter Drama.  
Also, if you sent in an Ask and we haven’t answered it yet, please feel free to resubmit it!  I do try to scroll through all of them but it is a daunting task and personal stuff and work make it difficult for me to get through everything in a timely manner!
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Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I’m really disappointed in Luke and this band in general, the way they deal with things. “honest policy” with messy? So he knew all of this and it was okay? Or he confronted her on this and he is okay with what she has done? I’m not sure this whole thing would be a deal breaker for me, but it certainly would make me real mad at my SO and some whiny excuses wouldn’t be enough to make things alright. Radio silence would’ve been much better than that story he posted, made himself look like a fool.
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: These girls will sooner or later become their downfall if their management or them does not realise they should rely on other things than bringing relationship up front to sell their music. I find it extremely bad that they are behaving as if nothing happened, I hope there will be changes once touring will be possible again and we won’t see these girls tagging along everywhere or being brought up in interviews all the time but somehow I’m not counting too much on that.
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I wonder if Luke knows everything that Messy got exposed for or just the parts Messy wanted to show him. Bc Luke said in his Story that he wasn't online lately so maybe he wasn't on Twitter too and Messy just showed him the parts that make her look good and he still doesn't know that she spoke bad about Ashton or how she stalked the fans also after she knew that they didn't hack his email adress cause he wasn't on Twitter so he couldn't see the screenshots.🤷‍♀️
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm just waiting for the day one of them date someone who isn't a part of their circle. tired of them passing around the same toxic girls.
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: These girls are just digging a whole for these guys and they want be able to get out of it soon
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: It was a chicken move for Sierra to do it as a reply and no one has talked on twitter that she deleted it because they probably think her deleting it is saying it wasn’t true
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Am I the only one who thinks that guys really only heavily interact with us when they want to promote something or say something about the music? I do understand they have lives so being on Twitter isn't number one priority and with all the drama that surrounds this fandom its very easy to not want to be online a lot, I just can't help but feel that way
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm talking about this messy situation (no pun intended) with my friend and she said to me that Messy should consider changing her career if she can't handle that not all people are going to like her. (that ofc doesn't include any form of harassment bc that's not cool)
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I really don't know how to feel about the Luke situation. At first I was upset and disappointed of Luke but now I almost pity him bc real or not either the management would want Luke to defend her or Messy. And I think Luke isn't the kind of person who would stand up against the management or Messy (even though it would probably be better for him if he would). And most people don't realise when they're in a toxic relationship so I can't really blame him. I just hope this ends asap.
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I literally was so angry and frustrated with Luke and this whole situation yesterday that I couldn’t even look at him on my home screen, I had to change it. It’s really a disappointing thing to witness. Whether management put him up to this or he genuinely believes this toxicity is okay, I’m just very grumpy with him at the moment. He deserves better and WE (the fans) deserve better.
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I think Luke really needs to be in a relationship with sb who either isn't famous and doesn't want to be or with someone who is famous bc they have a successful career too and who doesn't need Like to be famous.
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I’ve only seen a few accounts on Twitter who are attacking Messy and Crusty to the core and exposing every bad thing they’ve done with receipts for the sossies defending them! I’m happy that karma is finally getting to those con artist who think they can get away with anything
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: that recent lierra picture is photoshoped lmao. if you look at Sierra's hand you can see color coming off from it and her arm looks hella weird.her forehead looks hella weird and look couldn't have taken the picture because I doubt that he could stretch his arm that far and make a perfect picture. also we haven't even seen Sierra's face so I still don't believe they're together
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: The Lemon pic was like a punch in the face (even though Petunia and Luke are looking cute there). But I've been asking myself lately if Luke has seen the whole drama going around on Twitter or just the posts Messy wanted him to know so the ones who make her look like the victim (and not the ones where she insulted Ashton or she made it clear that she stalked his fans). Cause Luke said he hasn't been online lately.
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I mean we dont know how much of the story he truly is aware of and how much s changed to fit her narrative and get L to feel bad for her. Plus he was under pressure from management to do damage control and not standing up for his gf is a very bad look for outsiders who dont understand why she's at fault. It was a pretty neutral statement and he was obviously told to make the post so I dont blame him and just blame her more for putting him in the situation in the 1st place
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I wonder how much toxicity happens behind the scenes, we know S is very manipulative and L is very much a people pleaser so.. and with how much they have to sell their "love" and "happiness" in the relationship. Minipulation is a powerful thing and it could explain why hes out of touch with reality, especially lately since he's isolated with her and doesnt have the voices of the band to raise any concerns and he's been getting skinny again and seems very "meh" rather than happy, idk
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I feel so disconnected with this fandom rn. I feel like no one is streaming CALM and that makes me sad bc it's such an amazing album. The boys aren't even online anymore, everyone is mad at each other and now Luke comes up with this shit... tbh I wish I would wake up tomorrow and see him tweeting something like yeah I'm sorry about my ig story I still love y'all lmao
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Wait wait wait wait ive been gone from the fandom for a little while now and what the fuck is going on with Luke and S? What did S do that she made a fake ass apology for?? I’m so lost please help me! 😂
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm seeing a lot of my mutuals unstanning and I'm just so mad bc Sierra started this drama and got Luke into it and I'm sad that people are leaving bc of this, it's just too much toxicity and it shouldn't affect the band and their connection with the fans but with Luke saying this he makes it seem like he supports the ugly things she does
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I am a Luke stan and I've always loved him bc he has inspired me so much through the years but when he does this things it's like...damn. I feel like he's invalidating the fans' feelings by being like "if you don't like my girlfriend, ur fake" like he has never noticed me on Twitter or anything but my biggest fear is to be blocked by him or just ignored bc I don't like her (although I never expressed it publicly) n yeah anyways :// It feels weird
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Going back and re-reading the DM’s messy literally confirms that she accesses Luke’s account by saying “we couldn’t get in” or some shit like that
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I hate being a luke stan, sometimes it just seems like he doesn't care? he always puts these toxic gfs before the ones who adore him and pay his bills. might just move into Cashton's lane. unproblematic kings.
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: He literally posted a picture of him cuddling her and petunia within the hour
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: The saddest part of this situation is it’s like a repeat of Arzaylea. Luke has no idea what a respectful, mature relationship is. We saw it with Arz and were seeing it again it’s just a little bit different. He stays being controlled and manipulated by toxic partners. I really think homeboy needs to be single for a WHILE and focus on himself. He needs to unlearn the things his past and current relationships have taught him about love because if I know anything, it’s that this ain’t real love.
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Is it bad that I just want the larzaylea drama back?? Like everyone could at least agree on their feelings then...
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Just checked messy’s insta and of course, everyone that still supports her filled her tagged with just the single picture
Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I feel like the reason Sierra is getting away with what she’s done is because she isn’t that known. Like yeah she’s associated with 5sos, but they’re also like not that big which is probably why it’s getting swept under the rug. I’ve only seen the 5SOS fandom calling her out for her actions. If this had happened with a well known celebrity, they probably would’ve been dragged and been trending on Twitter. I might be wrong but I feel like this is what’s happening which is just unfair.
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blue-eyedangel21 · 3 years
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I’m sorry..
So I wrote a whole essay yesterday only for tumblr to be really stupid and I lost it. Anyways, I came to write out my feelings and my thoughts before being done with this tumblr.  I've mentioned this tumblr to you before and you didn't care enough to even look at it for yourself. So I'm sure me typing all this is a huge waste of time but its worth losing this amount of time to let out everything I need to, to move on. It's time I put this all in my past. So we tried again recently.  And I fucked it up. Because that's all I've been doing for years now.  I'm really sorry, truly, for how i behaved and lashed out on you. It's not okay how I handled that situation.  But I have told people time and time again that I am NOT doing well mentally or emotionally. And I was not kidding nor exaggerating, as you had to find out the hard way. I did try to calm myself down when I was mad and said how I felt and what I thought at first in the most calm way I knew how then you proceeded to be an asshole and talk to me sideways. So I lost my shit. You had the opportunity to see my ugly"asshole" side.  You say I can't handle yours  when I dealt with it for a year, but you couldn't handle mine after ONE time of lashing out on you. I did NOT ghost you. I told you in the voice clip, that I was done. YOU said you weren't listening to it. So therefore it was your fault that you didn't know i was done. Your fault that you didn't take the time to hear what I had to say and went around saying I ghosted you. In that moment of anger, I was done with you. But of course like always after my anger and feelings have calmed down, I felt like shit and regretted how I behaved and the stupid decisions I make when I'm upset. So in all of that out of control emotion, I lost you. And IT IS MY FAULT. And yes I do regret it. But what is done is done. I admitted to being the problem.  But im not all of what was wrong in that relationship.  You too had issues of your own that you did not hold yourself accountable for. And I dont find it fair that I had no problem admitting I was the issue and holding myself accountable for that and my behavior. However I rarely ever heard you own up to your shit. So I'm not taking all the blame but I can take most of it because some of it was me too and not just you. But I bet you are okay with me taking the blame for all of it. The constant leaving you was not because I wanted to but because of how you made me feel. Yet I felt like I couldn't live with you, I also couldn't live without you. And that was the confusing part. Why i probably kept going back and forth. I never felt this way about anyone . I never felt like I couldn't live with them but I couldn't live without them either. You have disrespected me many times and I bit my tongue and said nothing. My whole life I've been around drama and bullshit and narcissistic abuse.. so I dont know how to be confrontational in a healthy way or how to communicate effectively without feeling like im always the problem or im wrong or my feelings are wrong. And etc. It's hard to explain but a lot of that has to do with what I had to deal with growing up and still somewhat dealing with it as an adult. So im trying to break myself from bad, unhealthy, toxic behaviors and habits. So thats why im still doing and reacting the way i am. I am 25 years old and still dealing with that shit, its not part of my past yet, but it will be. So thats just explaining why I'm like this, not excusing it.  So the times I left were mostly YOUR fault. But you also left at least  2 times too..so it isn't all me. Every time I would for sure leave you alone, youd come running back. Just when I thought I could move on here you were. And sometimes I was the one running back. Like I said i was confused. But im not running back this time. I'm not gonna reach out to you. I dont hate you nor do I love you any less. I still love you with all of my heart and that hasn't changed nor will it ever even if that has changed for you because of how I've hurt you. But for me this is speaking my truth. And thsts the truth. I'm sorry that i threw everything we were trying to build together, in the garbage over an argument and because of my emotions and my mental health being so terrible. If I could go back and change that I would but we are better off going our separate ways. I'm sorrh I had to block you but I had to block Sierra too. I do not appreciate her posts. Feel what she may but what I wrote was honest and wasn't just about you but about others I've hurt along the way. You are not the only one. I don't care that she feels that way or if she doesn't like me anymore. She's not in my shoes nor are you, to understand or try to understand. I already admitted to being the issue so if she didn't like what I posted on my fb she could've just deleted and blocked me. But instead of reacting in a bad way i deleted and blocked her because i dont need negativity when im trying to heal and move on. I dont need her judgmentYou sent19 minutes agoNor do I need yours. You are always gonna see me as the bad guy and that's fine. But im no longer looking at myself that way. I'm seeing a woman who is trying to break herself from toxic ways and toxic behavior but is struggling to do it while also going through a lot of shit. Im flawed just like you..I'm not perfect. Not even close to it. I've been understanding and patient and always trying to see your perspective and its never really been a two ways street with you. You expect that from me but don't expect to give it back. And I'm tired of that. Been tired of that. I put it in alot of effort to make shit work when I was trying to fix things but I got tired, Bee. I didn't take you seriously because every time I tried to i didnt feel like you were taking it seriously enough to change your ways and your lifestyle. I wanted you to work so you had an income to better yourself and your future and also to help tatianna with Julian. As a single mom it is hard to take care of a kid by yourself and I wanted you to try to help her financially at least.  And not only a job but to stop drinking because I don't want you to end up in a coffin at such a young age. And to leave behind your son. How fair is that to Julian?  I love you, bee. I never want anything bad to happen to you even if you don't believe that. You're the only one who doesn't see how much i love you or how bad you have had an emotional toll on me. For some reason you're blinded by all of that. You say i didn't love you but if i hadn't I would've been done with you the very first time we broke up in November . But no I fell hard for you and put a lot of effort and love into us only for us to fall apart. So.. I hope you know i wanted a family with you too. I wanted to wake up next to you and my daughter,  and one day maybe. Not just my daughter. But a child of our own. With big blue eyes and curly hair.. that looked like you. I wanted a lil boy that looked like you with my eyes and hair and your face.  I wanted that more than i could tell you. I never could tell you that because i got embarrassed.  But I wanted that, with you. Not anyone else and now i feel like that I don't want another relationship.  Nor do i want to even bother starting over with someone else and feeling like this again. I don't even care anymore. Im so drained and exhausted. You were the love of my life. I fucked it up and now the bed I made, I have to lay in. So yeah you get the satisfaction of knowing I'm hurting and regretting what I did. But I get the satisfaction of never allowing myself to make this mistake again with another person and to focus on my issues with myself so I don't bring this kind of baggage and problems into my future relationships.  So maybe it's for the better that we move on. Maybe one day you can forgive me  enough to not hate me and maybe if I'm lucky enough to at least call you my friend.  I loved you like I've never loved anyone and it is hard to write without crying but I know that sometimes life is pain and heartbreak and that if we were ever meant to be than maybe somewhere down the road we could rekindle a friendship or more but maybe the timing is off and you were my right person but wrong time. . Maybe you'll come back...maybe you won't but please know you had my heart like no others. I felt that in my soul.  I felt it when I looked at you. When I thought about you. When i talked about you. When I looked in your eyes. When you smiled or laughed. When you were doing whatever and I was just staring at you. With every kiss. Every moment in your arms. When you were sleeping so peacefully.  When you were being you, I felt like i was home and I cant tell you the last time i felt that way. It was when my grandma was alive. So to find someone who was even close to feeling like home is a serious misfortune to lose like this. And losing you and this relationship will be a grieving process for me. I had to lose the one thing that brought me happiness, wholeness and love. So I'm heartbroken it has come to this because of my actions. But I love you Bee. Please take care of yourself.
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andreacamille1 · 4 years
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Really love my friends house and all her treasures. She collects rocks too but her collection is so much bigger than mine🤷‍♀️😂 Her kitchen table and coffee table are both solid stone and carved. They're so cool. My favorite are the 3 huge white quartz rocks. I can't wait to go rock hunting with Aizen this summer. There's so much in Alaska that I haven't experienced and I can't wait to learn with Aizen. Theres Sheep Mountain that I never even heard of off the Glenn highway that's suppose to be real cool. Didn't do much today aside from look at my friends rocks, stay in bed and go to a fundraiser. I was suppose to go skiing for the first time with my friend at alyeska but I woke up feeling so yuck. Usually I always wake up around 6 but this time I slept in untell 10am😱😂 woke up, felt half dead.. cancelled on my friend like a douchebag, stayed in bed and finally went to this cool church fundraiser and silent auction where I won at bingo. Didn't win any of the silent auctions because I got.outbid on everything and didn't stand around at the end like alot of people. Next time i know what to do. Had alot of fun. I should of brought my grandma but I didn't know what I was doing untell I just kinda found it driving to starbucks😂 I was only planning to go to sb and then freds to get kale for my friends bunnies but I seen the sign and stopped. Man! My friends bunnies sure creep me out😂 I really thought I was going to like them but they are creepy!
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My son got sick today too and the nurse called so my sister had to take the rest of the day off. I feel bed about that and now just wish his dad would've brought him down yeasterday. We were just worried about him missing school because he missed a week for hawaii and then a few days here and there because we both kept getting sick... that ending up adding up to alot of absences and his school sent a letter home about it that made us both feel bad about it. Now it seems like he's still going to miss more🤷‍♀️ We can only do what we can. Just always thankful we haven't ever got seriously sick. In WA they had this reuse and recycle group and everyone in the neighborhood posts items they no longer use or needed.. I loved that group! Anyway, I went to pickup a couch and met a mom with a son around the same age as Aizen at the time.. only 4 and he was going through cancer treatment. It caught me off guard and like an idiot I started to cry😱 The mom was like what the hell! I made her mad! Suppose to always be strong for kids and not feel sorry for them 🤷‍♀️ Point is.. ever since then I'm always so thankful for my son's good health. I would rather have something go wrong with me than have to watch him go through anything. I hope my sister knows how to take care of him. When our baby brother was born.. we were all worried to leave him alone with renee😱😂 I think because she acted younger than she was? She was the baby for 15years before my mom had our baby brother. Now she's learning. Aizen gets to be her teacher.
Here I didn't even make it to fred meyers today because I forgot after the fundraiser so no kale for the bunnies. They have their dry food untell tomorrow. Can't let my uncle see the bunnies because he might try and make stew or something. Then I'll really cry probably ❤
and i hope everyone knows everything always works out. I used to worry all the time about everything too but as soon as I stopped... its crazy how my life changed. I can't really explain it to people because when I try to.. they don't get it. Whatever you really want to have happen.. probably will if you can just stop trying so hard😂 I know it sounds stupid because you see people everywhere who don't do shit... so nothing ever happens or changes. but it's like you have to keep trying to go for something.. but almost forgot what you're going for... or detach from what you want so bad and just concentrate on what you do daily. Like if you really want to lose weight or something.. don't fantasize about looking perfect all day (maybe I used to do that😱😂) .. detach from what you really want and focus on daily habits.. small improvements. Totally forget about the way you look and just worry about what you're doing everyday. Time will pass and all of a sudden you'll look in the mirror and be so surprised that what you used to dream about.. maybe even almost gave up on.. is right there and you already have it. ❤ Same with everything else. Whatever you hope for.. you probably can get.. if you can just figure out what to work on each day... without becoming upset all the time because it isn't coming fast enough.. or getting pissed off because someone else already has it when you dont. I can't believe how many people make their own lives miserable thinking about what other.people are doing all day long without worrying about what they are doing themselves. If that's you.. please stop whatever you're doing.. sit down alone at a table... think long and hard about what you really want.. then write down what you want.. and right next to it write down everything you do each day. If what you do everyday doesn't get you closer to what you want... you really aren't doing shit. It doesn't matter how many hours you work or what you say you are doing either. Point is you don't have what you want and aren't taking steps to get it. Do us all a favor and shut the fuck up untell you figure out what you need to do to finally make yourself happy.
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Shitty episode 49 notes
so this time its mostly dialogue. I’m not a fast typer so i definitely missed stuff and my spelling is atrocious, but I did use the break and until the live stream ended to fill in the gaps I could. This is pre and post break notes. Obvious major spoilers, lots of weird details i wrote down that matt said b/c we never know when something is gonna be important or come back/ be relevant.
Also I love Beau with all my heart.
Have fun ya nerds :) 
Episode 49 Notes:
Chair has replaced uktatoa for echoes
Matts wording in the summary are so careful
Short brown hair, green and black robes necklace with circular gems lots of rings, middle aged/ young for an elf
Nott knows a place--- river bank spot
They were noted by the locals
Pretty river with shaded trees
Beau checks to see if followed 21 perception, people aren’t keeping watch but the righteous brand are gathering at the southern fields where the operatives were coming from
“What the fuck”-Jester
thanks Laura for voicing not only Jester but the entire fan base
Nott doesn’t want to leave “you can leave but i need to stay” ouch that hurt
Nott doesn’t expect them to stay
“We are a target”- Cad
“Your son????” -Jester “is it your son or are you even a goblin??”
Nott “[we don’t need to pretend we don’t keep secrets]”
Nott feels chained and not able to move forward, is ok with being open and honest so ‘we can move ahead’
Rephrase from episode one broke my heart
Nott: “Well hi, my name is Nott the brave and I’m a little goblin girl. But, once upon a time i was Veth, a young halfling woman and before that, a halfling child who grew, um, up being told that she was pretty and not brave and not coordinated and not smart and just not..
Jester line
Nott: Yea, I was. And then, ya know, time went by and i got older, i was made fun of quite a bit. I had this um, Ppl thought i was strange, b/c i collected things, i collected lots of things, they were outstanding. They were wax seals,and pieces of colored paper, and some buttons and fabric,
Beau line
Nott: All kinds
Beau line
Nott: Well they didn't think so, i had brothers and people in town who would just ridicule me
Jester: that was here
Nott: Yes, and one day i um  i was playing a game with the other boys and they dared one of their friends to give me a kiss, and the boy was very nice and he actually seemed to like it and he and i became friendly and eventually did what people do and got married and he didn't mind my strangeness and i helped him get his apothecary up and running and he was a brilliant chemist and could make acids and potions and oils and bleaches for fabric for all sorts of things and he helped me. Eventually we had a baby named luke and he was a bright boy, very smart, he learned to talk very early and walk very early. Such a smart boy and that's who you saw back there is my son.
Jester: so was he right, did you die?
Nott: I think so, I think so, uh. We had a rough winter in felderwind, there were not a lot of crops and i think some of the animals had died that winter. This river i brought you to this sort of, it's a beautiful place i used to come here with yeza and it's an important place i used to come here with yeza… the goblins would come from over there, they would raid from over there [points]... They came into town and raided more and more, they took us. They took me and my husband and my child, they held us in one of their camps. I don’t know if it was days or weeks or months. Luke, he wasn’t doing well….. We ran, we ran in the dead of night, they were fast, i've been chased a lot… i told them to run… the goblins followed me and when they found me i fought, i had a vial of acid and i threw it in the face of the one trying to catch us, they took me back to the camp. I think he died from his wounds…[I think he was a type of leader] i think he had a wife. This goblin told the woman ‘make her suffer’ and they did. They brought me to this river and they drowned me in it. I can still feel the water in my lungs and in my ears and in my nose. And then nothing. Until i woke up and saw the hands.. The skin and i looked in a puddle and i could see what they made me. They made me into everything i thought i was. Not pretty, not good, just not. I'll be honest, i've started forgetting what it was like to be halfling. Just everyday just more and more goblin…. I'm sorry i didn’t tell u and im sorry i lied and i'm sorry caleb i didnt tell u. You would have understood and you could have helped me, i dunno. I feel like you're almost there like you're almost strong enough…. Anyways that's how i got to you, and that's why i got to you and why i can't be in this town. Well i only recently started signing the letters. I don't know what he would think of me. {Missed a lot here}
{nott was in the goblin clan kinda as a slave} I would clean out the messes and clean after the meals. The one [goblin] who tortured, i would help him, maybe six months. So maybe a year, no more than a year, a year and a half? I don't know exactly.
Cad can sober up Nott and Nott lets him via lesser restoration b/c alcohol is a toxin
First time we’ve seen sober nott in a while
They’re in the valley [la joke?]
The Goldfield Tavern and Lodge
Beau to Caleb: You puked all over that apothecary so something is definitely not right
Liam is so good
They headed south towards the woods for the chat
Fjord very pointedly asks if nott is ok leaving his son. He asks twice.
Caleb won’t talk in town
Edith is staying for now and nott gave her 200 gold.
No one in town knows that Veth is alive
‘I forgot what he looked like. He forgot what i looked like.”-Nott about Luke’ we need to know the ones we love.”
Beau: Nott you drowned, and you just spent three months underwater, that's incredible. I don't know if you realized that. Its incredible.
Fjord thinks Edith and Luke should leave town. Jester offers to send them to her mum. Possibly going just more west without crossing the border.
Letter to Bryce to get them somewhere safe and closer to border in case of speedy exit of the empire.
Nott  admimatly wants to find Yeza
Jester via sending: “Hello, its jester. Two people incoming, a woman and child, take care of them please. Were sending money with them, it is important. Please help.”
Byrce, not really surprised: “Um alright. Ill do my best. Please don't send too many more.”
Liam trying to stay in character and not laughing at jokes during Bryce chat
Most of the righteous brand have gathered and are heading north east, leaving felderwind. People are trying to pick up and move on
Chat in wagon in back, hidden, Cad. 60 yd radius of warning if someone is gonna pass them
Beau to jester b/c they’re telling the truth now: “I didn’t sleep with dyren. She wasn’t my roommate. She was my teacher.” and she taught beau “how to kick as and take names bitch”
Jester trying to be helpful and fjord trying to be supportive
Caleb: “Your name is Veth?” “it was.”My name was Bren Aldrich Emendroot. Was. and um… I uh, i uh
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Look at Laura
Jester: “Did you die too?”
Nott: “twinnies?”
Caleb: “I have been using you all.”
Jester, confused: How?
Caleb:I am from Rexingtrum. I attended Soltrace Academy. I was plucked by one of the cerborous assembly and was being trained to do the things that i fear were being done to [Yeza]. A lot a big plans for me that didn’t plan out- I went a little crazy and ran away, ran away. I have been on the run for long time. I was tired of starving. And I met you. I was a little less hungry for a while. I have been afraid for a long time, two of the people in that town are from the cerberus assembly. I don't think [the assembly members would recognise him] I walked passed that portrait many times. One of them is the head of the cerberus assembly. There's good teachers, it's everything they describe it to be. After going there for several months, one of the assembly  who also would teach on occasion, started interviewing me. Calling me in and asking me questions. He sorta put me in an advanced class, me and a few others. I don't want you all to be seen with me by one of them, they will use you to get to me. You met the man who trained me. His name is Trent Ikathon.
Jester: thats why you make that face all the time
Caleb: I’m not a very good person.
Jester: “I dont think out actions don’t define us all them time. Good people do bad things sometimes bad people do good things. I think you’re a good person”
Beau: “do you care about us? You’ve told us several times you’re not a very good person.”
Caleb: im worried about your husband.  I know the things that man can do.[unravels arm wrappings to show a series of small cuts going up the entirety of the right arm] He used to put crystals in… he he experimented on the three of us.
NottL what would they do? The crystals
He uhh was trying to strength us. The first time i ever saw that word was in your libraries, no explanation.
Beau: The dunamous?
Caleb: No, the first time i’ve ever seen that word was in your libraries. Haphazardly scrolled into that word. No, no everything was for the empire. We were being trained to serve the empire above all. He was mad himself, he was mad. He believed that the unwashed masses relied on their base instinct and the highest calling was to rise above the muck and control the cattlel. We were, are at war. Many of us, felt that way, feel that way.
Nott: Do you still that way?
Caleb: I don’t believe in anything, now.
Fjord: This Trent, does he know these two we saw?
Caleb: Oh yes, yes, yes. And I don’t want one more thing on my head to have you guys. Probably too late anyways.
Fjord: How powerful are these two anyways? Our normal tricks, would they fall short?
The Cerberus assembly are the most powerful mages in the empire…over 200 yrs ago a # of mages went to war in the streets of Restrum and um, it was bloody and awful and eventually came to a truce … proposed to the king at the time that they serve as an advising body to the throne.
Jester: Would they see if we were disguised? Or would they have to look for us.
Caleb: I don’t know for sure but there is a reason i didn't use something like that back there.
Fjord: So, we need to give the a very wide birth.
Nott: [why would they take yeza]
Caleb: I don’t know. It is something to do with the thing. But i don’t know why him.
[Jester reading the burned notes and meaningless stuff mostly they won’t kill Yeza]
Caleb: Was he gifted in his work? What is written about here but it does not seem like anything i ever learned about that.
[?]: It says there that they are looking for a way to achieve their ends w/o the object.  I don’t know what they need.
Beau: trent ikathon was looking at yasha....
Calev: I hope he is alive i really do but they will make his life a living hell. And the empire. They are as close to as powerful if not as powerful as the king. I used a lot of names. Caleb is just what i told you. I don’t know. Caleb, let's stick with caleb for now. Um i honestly don’t know if we can, if we are up to this. Unless they are on land, this is the might of the empire. Vestduragna is the arch mage of antiquities.. She's a historian, she has uncovered mysteries of the past. She's a history buff, she's awful probably. He is the head of the military, so if they are both here i would say he is here over seeing the military and she is overseeing what is in that bag.
Fjord makes a valid point about this might not being the only one. [dodecha]
Beacons is plural
Fjord is being cautious for once
[Caleb looks like he wants to cry about the ‘liking us’ comment]
Caleb: I uhh, ohhh jester, i'm glad you see good in me.
Beau: “Its too late now b/c we like you and are invested in your happiness and [stuff]”
Caleb: ok
Beau: dont run. You can say you don't believe in us, that's fine. Believe in us just a little bit, ok?
Caleb: I will consider it heavily.
Beau: I’m sorry for not hearing you yesterday… i heard that you were doubting me and us and our friendship
Caleb:‘i dont doubt any of you
Fjord ‘I swallow shit and make it appear in my weapons i'm down to throw down. You don't have to minimize my stuff’
Those elves two were founders of the Cerberus Assembly
Stabby stab
Fjord: You seduce one i'll seduce the other. I have a way with elves [nervous/embarassed laughter]
Its like you two have been reading tumblr - tal
Caduceus is a wild mom?- confused Beau
Shit shit shit that stuff was out of the bag and scry-able for so long
Samone is the innkeeper
‘Ruckus is a word’
War with the dominion ???
Travis being charismatic and info snatchy is such a difference from grog
‘Felderwind is not known for its excitement’ with jazz hands from matt
“I need something complicated to focus myself… preferably some sort of flower or living plant. The notion is that i'm looking for something that is a testament to the wildmother.”
Jester: “Honey!”
Cad: I’m not entirely sure what honey is made of
Beau: essence of flower and bee puke
Demi leric (female human) does not charge but accepts donation, general physician
Cricks left w/in an hour “a swift nightmare”. “Dark elf folk” “second one on the left that's burned down”
Demi leric’s house is across the street from a burned building, door partially open. Simple establishment, herb smells, chemical smells, ⅘ cots with 2 recovering crownsguard chillin. Human woman, late 20s/ early 30s, bright smile & eyes, business in the eyes,
Beau used real name    
“Taking statements”
A few strange complaints about 1/ 2 months back. Wave of nausea. All lived in a cluster, near the doctor’s office near a burned building
Attack around midnight
Detective beau?
Semi conscious guard, has burns, beau slaps a wound, ‘sup, names beau with the cobalt soul, what's your name?’ “Jeff” “good to meet you Jeff” jeff got Luke out of the flames “cricks got him and ran… life four of them.. I saw the fire they pushed me into when i tried to stop them… it was crazy, they came in quick.. I guess [they were targeting places].. Last place they lit was the apothecary…
TAL WANTS TO FIND THE CHAIR MAKER
Jester: What is the possibility that your mean people can change memories?
Caleb: Pretty good…
Tunnels--> North East side where the fields begin. Crownsguard near three sinkhole like entrances.
They didn’t dig them, something dug it for them. Something with big teeth dug it for them and they came out. This creature was 10 feet wide mouth. They collapse the tunnels when they left. They dug in the third one tunnel a bit. Each tunnel is 200-300 feet apart. The tunnel that was dug out was in the middle. Tunnel at a steep angle w/ rope hanging down. This tunnel kept gong 50ft before evening out at a steady downward incline. Looks organically carved tunnel rather than arcane. Definitely burrowed. Nothing on detect magic or undead.
‘Anything is possible in this world of magic and mystery’
Cad base chant to see if he can get vibration via thaumaturgy. Can very vaguely hear a gap at some point w/ very little detail.
Break
Gank
Rexintrum is the largest city in the empire
Worms
Fjord makes a valid point about the slowy thing being a great battle tactic
Fjord has limits on what he will poke/big red button comment
“The dragon poke sucked”
“Im here b/c i was out of options and i went looking for them.” - Cad
my detail oriented self is loving getting actual info from Cad
The magic that held the forest in place is fading away. Not the only site like cads but there hasn’t been communication
Cad family, bigggggggg, built the temple, they all left to look for answers, none came back, doesn’t know what direction they went in, didn’t ask wildmother about them and doesn’t really wanna know “have faith and not second guess”, Corin talked about trying to find some of the other temples. CORIN? ---> sister?
Jester “this is some serious shit… the empire is really fucked up. And everyone went through some horrible stuff
Nott: i promise if you stay with us you’ll also go through some horrible stuff
Jester:[too late already have].. I want nice again one day
Cad: I just want home back, I wanna know that its safe again
Nott: I want to be me again yes. Yes and i hope someday it can happen.
{what does Nott want to be called?}
“Or Vott”-Jester in response to Fjord prompting Nott v. Veth
Beau: Nott and Caleb it is. The mighty nein made of seven people. Works great.
Caleb “not the name not the group. I’m not it” {Not sure if i got the last part spot on the stream cut out before I rewatched/checked this}
“Their names are Chair, together they are chair.”
“I’m here to bring the awkward”- Tal
“What it Yeza’s destination pushing a few days forward?”- Cad w/ Divination to the Wildmother “Gordranas” via wind whispers
Yasha has heard the name, its far further north and the tribe avoided it b/c a lot of the beast folk lived that way ie others who wandered the wastes ‘men who are like bull warrior/bugbears/ other goblinoids’ some work with the crin.
The Luxum- something Caleb read about it having a negative effect on Gordraonas
Gordronas is important to the history of age of arcanum. When the gods walked the earth, both the prime deities and the betrayer gods there were areas of influence considered theirs. A # of those areas belonging to the betrayer gods happened to be in wildmount and Gordranas was the name of the center of their ‘tenuous union’ [betrayer gods] in the final years of the Clamity the b. Gods would go there to plot evil shit.
 What remains of gordonas is where the crin has established their dynasty. People in Yasha’s tribe said it was perpetual night.
Cad on how to travel 1000 miles through a war zone“We’ve got a cart, I’m completely serious.”
One of the garrisons has been lost to the Cryn. {Ash something or rather?}
Yeza- short, even for a halfling, bushy brown hair, long sideburns, big nose, not a great chin, narrow shoulders, not a looker,
IS (not referring to Yeza in the past tense ie Nott being corrected by Jester/Fjord?Beau)
They were married five years
THEY SHOULD KNOW VETH’S ACTUAL BIRTHDAY
To Jester’s message to Yeza: No response then a very faint “Hello?  I don’t know, its very dark, I have to be quiet. Thank you”
Nott being wingwoman Jester and Fjord
Jester is the best customer service person ever
Jordan and Jamenson are escorting Luke and Edith, Jeff almost kept Beau’s staff
Beau’s bo still has a bow
“I’m here to buy some pockets” “Money belts!” and the tourist necklace thingies
Secret tunnels
Fjord and Beau tag teaming it and fucking with that one guy’s pride with a few good checks
Caleb paying for a group expense
Polymorph into a honey badger (who doesn’t care)
LEVEL EIGHT
‘This won’t be a problem when I’m a president’- Sam
“Be an elk and kill all these fucking soldiers” -Travis or Fjord?
Dire honey badger? Yessssssss. Bony 6 foot honey badger, 5-6 inch claws
‘I’m gonna bless the honey badger’- Cad <3
Travis gonna kill Gil
The other side of the collapse was like 150 feet down further from where the empire stopped digging
Tunnel wides, drops off like a cliff 30-40 foot til another drop off 10ish feet later and a river that is cutting it’s way through. Crystle (quartz) stalactites from a 15’ tall ceiling
Same system as Zadash? Connecting aquifers?
“Do not send the cleric into the pit of unknown.”- Tal
Yeza and Veth never got a honeymoon and they wanted to go to Taledorie [Whitestone is great in the spring].
666
They’re going caving I guess
If Beau changes(ed) her name them all the Empire based people would have lots of names. (Bren-> Caleb ; Veth-> Nott ; Lucian-> Molly)
Also Beau and Bren are the names parents would name their kids if they wanted to have a matching letter for all their kids but the kids hate being a matched set.
Jester having the crisis of ‘I was lonely but y’all had some shit’ was really heartbreaking to watch. I hope she doesn’t stop that progression of showing more and more genuine emotion both positively and negatively.
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hoodthekiwi · 6 years
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Lie To Me
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Description: You and Michael have been broken up for a 2 years but have still remained close friends. And your new job at buzzfeed requires you to work with a lie detector; so you decide why not use it on your ex-boyfriend. What could go wrong?
Word Count: 4,356 Triggers: (((I dont think there’s any)))
“When did you stop loving me?” you asked, not looking him in the eyes and starting to fiddle with your fingers, something Michael recognized, you did this when you wanted to take back something you said because you felt awkward.Michael took a breath, his brain was screaming never, I could never stop loving you. You two were broken up was he allowed to tell you that
“Please? Please please please please” you begged into the phone before a tiredly mumbled, “I don’t know (y/n)..” Your boss, Mr. Reynolds, had given you an opportunity use a lie detector, and you had the perfect idea… Make a video using said lie detector on your rockstar-ex-boyfriend, who oddly enough, you still consider one of your best friends.
“Michael please? It’s for my job and I know you, you so wanna test it to see if you can beat it.” You challenged into the phone, stirring the–now soggy–bowl of cereal that was sitting in front of you.
“C’mon (y/n), why do you want me to do it? What about Calum, I’ll give you Calum.”
“Who am I being given to?” you heard Calum mutter offendedly from the other side of the line and then a large thud as Michael was hit by a pillow.
“Please, Mike? You love making videos with me. I’ll even bring you a pizza and-” “Deal” He cut you off. Well, that was significantly easier than you thought it was going to be. You thought it’d take longer to bribe Michael, the same person who stayed in the car once when you went to the grocery store because:
“It’s raining (y/n)! And the red dye is gonna run down my face. Can I please stay in the car?” He said putting the car in park and pouting
“Mikey, you’re the one who wanted to come and get ice cream at 2 in the morning” you replied back from the passenger side of the car.
“They’re gonna look at me like I'm a psycho though. Please? I’ll give you cuddles and share my ice cream with you when we get home” he said with a smile trying to convince you. “Fine, but only because of the cuddles.” you said before bolting out of the car and into the rain.
“Oh my god, thank you Mikey. Do you want to do it at the office’s set or my apartment?” You asked trying to get the last details before you had to lug the polygraph and it’s operator, Tim, to the wrong location only to have to pack up and relocate again.
“Do you think we could do it here, at the house? The boys and I are recording any chance we get and you could stick around after and we could finally have that lunch we’ve been talking about for a while.” You two had been trying to plan a lunch date–the term date was used loosely–for a while, but somehow something always came up and got in the way so you would have to keep pushing it back.  
“That sounds nice, I haven't seen the boys in a while how’re they doing?” You asked. When you and Michael were together, the other boys were like your brothers, and after you two broke up it didn’t seem right for you to hang out with them after metaphoricallyburning the bridge that brought you to them in the first place.
“They miss you like hell, andCalum here is trying to take the phone so he can talk to you… Apparently he’s having some girl problems and needs your help.” He chucked
“I do not! You have girl problems! Fuck you man, gimmie the phone.” you heard Calum huff as they started fighting.
“Can you just–dude stop! If you spill any of your smoothie on my guitar I swear to god I will not hesitate to throw your bass in the pool. You can talk to (y/n) when she gets here.” Michael threatened before you heard a door slam.
“Okay sorry, I’m safely in my room now. But Cal is probably gonna call you in a little so he can talk out his problems. I think he just misses you.. They all do.” He sighed before hearing you giggle from the other side of the line.
“I’m sure I’ll be a big help. So, when do you wanna do this?” you asked not wanting to press your luck.
“Well, what’re you doing right now?” he said looking at the clock. Currently, Ashton and Luke were having a writing session with the Madden brothers in the recording studio behind the house, so Michael and Calum were free to do anything they’d like. Apparently, that consisted of pissing each other off, playing video games, and seeing who could burp the loudest. (It was Michael obvi, haven’t you seen that celebrity juice episode?)
”Right now? Nothing, I guess.” You had just started talking to Michael again, and now you were going to see him and the boys again. Today.
”Is that okay with you? It’s just I thought you know, the sooner the better.” He replied calmly. There wasn’t a trace of nervousness in his voice, just the smooth ton of your ex-boyfriend.
“That sounds perfect. Are you guys still at the same house?” You asked not sure if they had moved since.
“Yeah but I’ll come pick you up babe, that way we can get food on the way.” Michael said accidentallyslipping in his old pet name for you.
“Oh thank you, I needed time to get everything ready and now I can.” You stuttered, taken aback by his slip.
“Guys?” Michael yelled into the house as soon as you made it through the door. 
“Okay, either they’re going to scare us, they’re all asleep, or they’re gone.” He muttered more to himself than to you.
“I think they’re gone.” You said walking over towards the counter in the kitchen.
“Why would you say that–” he was cut off by you holding up a note with girly handwriting on it–Ashton’s.
Mike, the boys and I went to the market because we have absolutely no food in this house and I’ve decided that we’re not going to starve. Text me if you want anything. -Ash p.s. The couch is wet so don’t sit on it. I mean it’s only water so if you could put a towel on it that’d be great thanks -A
“He really is the mum of the band isn't he...” you mumbled after reading the note aloud and sticking it back on the fridge which was filled with post-its, stupid polaroids of the band, and their daily schedules.
“Our dear mother Ashton always making sure we don't starve. That's honestly why we keep him in the band.” he giggled from the doorway before pushing himself off the wall and towards the living room.
“Oh of course, it’s totally not because he’s kick ass on the drums or anything, it’s his kind mothering nature.” You replied sarcastically.
“Well with the boys not here at least we can get something done right?” he asked just as the doorbell rang.
”That must be Eli and Tim” You said brushing passed him an towards the front door.
“Eli?” Michael whispered to himself, you had told him the polyographer, Tim, was coming but nothing about this Eli kid. Who is he and why didn’t his name come up before. He was nervous now. Was Eli your boss? Your friend? your BOYfriend? No, he couldn't think like that, you and Michael were friends, just friends.
Michael glared at the brown haired boy as you opened the door and greeted him sounding extremely chirpy…too chirpy in his opinion. “Eli! Thank you so much for helping. And thank you for bringing Tim.” He heard you said before pulling the boy–more like kid maybe–into a hug.
“Hey, I’m Eli.” the kid said sticking his arm out for Michael to shake.
”Michael” the red haired boy replied shaking it with clenched teeth trying to keep his cool. You two had broken up a long time ago and it wasn’t like you two couldn't see other people. So why was he so mad?
“Mike” you warned noticing how he was trying to size himself up to make himself look bigger, like he used to do...when you two used to be together. And as he used to, he glanced at you and calmed down.
“Okay.. So this is Eli, he works with me, and this is Tim… Eli’s boyfriend, the guy who’s going to help us with the polygraph.” You said gesturing to the two and looking at Michael with raised eyebrows and a smirk on your face. Oh, okay so maybe he could like this Eli kid, he seemed polite and nice enough. Now anyway.
“How the hell did you convince me to do this?” He said as Tim, pulled the machine you would be using out of its case and placed it on the table in front of you two.
“You so just want to see if you can beat the polygraph. Don’t forget I knew you better than you knew yourself.. Now are you ready?” you asked Michael, before leaning over as your co-worker handed you your pink index cards.
“Ready as I’ll ever be. You’d think that after playing sold out shows I would be totally fine with this.” There was something about you that always made Michael nervous, and now, after not seeing you for as long as he had, his hands were extremely clammy. Smooth Michael.
“Mikey you’re fine.” You said turning to him before motioning for the camera to be turned on.
“Hi guys it’s (y/n)! Today we’re testing a lie detector and I have Michael Clifford, from the band 5 Seconds of Summer, to help me out.” you said gesturing to the red head. “Hello! I’m so excited!” he shouted at the screen before laughing and looking back towards you. “So, I’m going to ask my questions first and then Mikey here will get his turn after. Oh, we also get one pass so if we don’t want to answer a question then we don’t have to. Some background info for those who don’t know: we were actually dating for–how long was it Mikey?” You looked at him, waiting for him to answer but only seeing small smile on his face.
“Oh, what?” He said after a second, snapping out of his day dream, obviously not listening to a word you were saying.
You laughed and rolled your eyes before continuing,
“Anyway, I think it was like 3 or 4 years, so we’ll see how this goes. Also, disclaimer: I had Eli and Tim make these cards for us so we don’t even know what they say.” You laughed looking towards Eli, your co-worker, who was smirking and manning the camera for you.
“Should I be afraid Eli?” Michael chuckled nervously as he got comfortable in the chair across from where you were sitting.
”Well, I certainly wouldn’t want my ex to be reading me these questions” Eli muttered as Michael’s eyes widened and looked towards you. “Well with that, let’s get you hooked up” you clapped your hands and Tim secured all of the cords into their correct places on Michael.
“Let’s start off with baseline questions. Is your name Michael Gordon Clifford?” you asked as he nodded.
“Out loud” you pretended to whisper.
“Yes, my name is Michael Gordon Clifford.” he smirked and looked back at you, seeing the needles only moving slightly.
“Alrighty, now, is your birthday the 20th of November?”
“Yes, it is”
“Hmm, and one more: Did you actually like that cake I made for our second anniversary?”
“Okay in my opinion it wasn’t thatbad.” He laughed as the Tim shook his head and told you that wouldn’t be a credible answer.
“Well, thank you for sparing my feelings.” You said moving onto the first card.
“Are these all yes no questions or does it progressively get more difficult?” He asked looking at you. You just shrugged and turned to Eli.
“No, the first like 7 are straight answer but the other 18 kind of test your truthfulness, if thats a word, so you gotta explain those. We were originally going to give you each 50 questions too but it seemed like it would be too long so we stuck with 25 each.” he smiled and gestured back to the pink cards in your hand.
“Alright Mikey, Question 1: Where did you take me on our first date?” you said before putting the cards down and folding your hands on the table. “I don’t know which one counts as our first date though. The carnival or the park.” he laughed as the needles started going crazy.
“I don’t think the carnival counts! You ran into me in the house of mirrors and stained my shirt with ketchup!” you countered. You could remember that day like it was yesterday.
You were going to the carnival with a few of your friends and for some reason, they all wanted to go in the house of mirrors, and you got lost. It felt like you were wandering in circles for hours, and right as you were about to turn a corner you ran straight into someone’s hotdog. That someone turned out to be Michael and right when he realized what had happened his face turned as red as the ketchup.
“I AM SO SORRY!” He panicked peeling the hotdog off your shirt and stuffing his hand into his coat and pulling out 20 napkins, spilling a few on the ground in the process. “Sorry! I’m so sorry! I got scared.” he said trying to blot your shirt. “It’s fine but did you at least leave some napkins for everybody else?” you joked trying to lighten the mood.
Only then did he actually look you in the eyes and laugh. “I spill ketchup on your shirt and you’re concerned about the oncoming napkin shortage the other customers are going to have?” He shot back. “Well we never know, they could all launch their hotdogs at strangers.” you laughed and smiled at him. He was cute, and he didn’t make you feel embarrassed to have a giant ketchup stain along the front of your shirt.
“I’m Michael.” he said sticking out his hand. “(y/n)” you replied shaking it and smiling. “Oh dear” he groaned like a middle aged woman. “Here, take my hoodie and we can go get you a new shirt. That is if we can ever find our way out of here.” he said pulling it off and handing it to you. “Um, could you like turn around or something?” you said gesturing to your ketchup stained shirt. “Oh yeah sorry.” he said turning around. “You know what just occurred to me?” he said as his back was towards you. “We’re in a house of…mirrors. So like I–there’s not, umm–why don’t I just hold my coat around you and then you can” he said before gesturing to your shirt. “Okay” you agreed quickly trying to get the dirty shirt off of you.
When you two finally got out you saw three boys–and what looked like bodyguards?–sitting on a bench laughing and scarfing down food. “Come” Michael said grabbing your hand and pulling you towards the table. “MIKEY! Finally! You’ve been in there for like 20 minutes!” The curly haired one said finally noticing you two. “HA! 19:38! You owe me 10 bucks, Calum.” The blonde haired one said turning to the dark haired boy who looked like he was only half paying attention to what was happening at the table, too busy trying to balance two of the forks against each other. “Oh shut up you already owe me 20 for making that shot in the game tent.” he said looking up.
“Hey, I’m Calum. That’s Luke, and that’s Ash” he said smiling at you. “(y/n)” you feeling all of their eyes on you. “So Mikey… Do anything you shouldn’t have done in there?” The blonde one, Luke, said suggestively. “Wow mature Luke.. I ran into (y/n) in the maze and my hotdog kind of just..” he mimed spilling it to the boys. “What a you moment” Calum snorted before going back to playing with his forks. 
“Hey! You still make fun of me for the napkin thing.” Michael pouted as you laughed thinking about how it really was a Michael type of moment. “I’m sorry, it was just a very memorable first date” You smiled and giggled before picking the cards up and reading the next one.
“What song reminds you of me?” You questioned shooting Eli a questioning glance and then looking back at Michael.
“Well it used to be A Little Piece of Heaven by Avenged Sevenfold because of your facial expressions while watching the video.” He laughed as you interrupted him.
“THEY ATE EACH OTHER’S HEARTS MICHAEL! But I will admit, I do like the song.” You argued, not enjoying the killing and blood in the first minute and a half of the video.
“ANYWAY, before I was so rudely interrupted–excuse you–the song that reminds me of you now is Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.” He said as Tim gave you a face saying that if that question were to ever be used in a courtroom, well, it wouldn’t be a viable answer.
So far the questions had been relatively easy, nothing too difficult to answer, though he did try to lie through a few.
“Jeeze Eli this question though: ‘did you ever think about marrying me?’” You took a deep breath before you looked up at Michael and laughed.
“Well, yeah. We were together for four and a half years.. Didn’t you?” He furrowed his eyebrows before looking down towards his lap. Michael thought about it a lot actually, and to his dismay, sometimes he still thought about it. What married life would be like, what your wedding would loo like, what your home and your kids would look like. And god, did he want to make that dream a reality more than anything.
“I think a few times. You know on like our anniversaries and stuff, or when I went on tour with you and we walked around towns, I thought what it would be like if we were on our honeymoon or something. I don’t know, it sounds stupid now.” You felt your face heating up as he looked at you. But he reassured you with a, “It’s not, I did too.” and you felt significantly better.
“Alright onto something a little less sad, for your birthday that one year I made you that terrible cake and you said it was good. I knew you were lying but now you can’t so: was the cake shit?” You cocked your head to the side and looked him. You couldn't believe that he actually ate it, it was terrible. You had accidentally put two separate recipes together into one and it was a mess.
“Okay it wasn’t my absolute favoritecake in the world but…” he said scrunching his nose as Tim shook his head.
“I am hurt Mikey” you joked back at him. This was nice, it was nice to talk to him in general, your personality came out more and you had missed your best friend.
“It wasn't a total bust though, you sure made up for it after.” he smirked and gave the camera a wink as you sat there, horrified at what he had said. But to your embarrassment, it was probably one of Michael’s favorite birthday memories, coming a close second to when the boys surprised him by flying you out to see him on his birthday. And if they didn’t see you two for the next few days, no one except for them had to know.
“I cannot believe you said that, you butthead.” you said glaring at him, but laughing anyway.
“Did you love me?” you laughed still thinking about his last answer, reading the card and looking towards Eli and then back towards your red haired ex-boyfriend.
And without even skipping a beat he answered, “Of course I loved you. How could I not, I told you that every day.”
“When did you stop loving me?” you asked, not looking him in the eyes and starting to fiddle with your fingers, something Michael recognized, you did this when you wanted to take back something you said because you felt awkward.
Michael took a breath, his brain was screaming never, I could never stop loving you. You two were broken up was he allowed to tell you that? But out of the corner of his eye he could already see the needles moving crazily along the graph, and he could see Eli’s body stiffen from behind the camera. As he looked up, you wouldn't meet his gaze, your eyes were locked on the card you had just read.
“I didn’t write that card... Did you write that card?” Eli asked as Tim shook his head.
“I-(y/n) you already know the answer to that.” Michael huffed
“But do I? Michael our break up was so messy. I don’t even really know what happened.” You replied shuffling the remaining cards in your hand.
“What do you mean? It was pretty clear to me that you were tired of being with me. I come back from the jewelry store with a ring and you’re just gone. All I have left is a note that says don’t look for me. And when I got back to LA all your stuff was gone.” He was doing anything to keep from breaking down.
“You came from the what?” You replied still stuck on his response as Eli took Tim outside so you two could talk in private.
“You had to have known (y/n). We were together for so long I was so in love with you and I thought you were too. You had to have known that I was gonna propose. I was absolutely and utterly in love with you.” He was biting the inside of his cheek to keep from crying any more, still, a little over a year after it happened, it hurt like hell.
“I-I didn’t know I’m so sorry. You guys were just getting bigger and the fan base was too I just couldn’t take it anymore. I’m so sorry Mikey I never meant to hurt you.” You on the other hand had started breaking. What you two didn’t notice was the boys who had come in the door and were quietly standing in the entryway knowing exactly what Michael was talking about and knew that the very ring he was referring to was right in that house haunting him every single day.
“I wanted to more than anything go and find you I just didn’t think you wanted me to be there. I asked the boys to go see you to make sure you were okay. I dialed your phone every day but never hit call because I thought you were done. If there is anything I could do to go back and ask you to marry me I would. I would’ve booked that flight from New York to LA that night to fly home to you. I loved you, I still love you, I’m still absolutely head over heels for you and I promise I’d marry you in an instant.” He said scooting closer to you and lifting your chin to look him in the eyes. You were silent.
“Please say something baby” he tucked a piece of hair behind your ear
“I love you too. I’m sorry I ran I was so wrong to run away from the thing that made me the happiest.” You leaned your forehead against his before grabbing both sides of his face and kissing him with everything you had.
“I meant it when I said I’d marry you in an instant you know” he breathed against your lips.
“I know, I’d say yes in an instant too.” You breathed back before getting tapped on the shoulder.
It was Luke. “Hey sorry for interrupting- we thought you’d be done but we also thought you might want this.” He said handing Michael a small blue box with silver accents.
Michael laughed “Were you three listening the whole time?” He looked towards the boys. Luke standing with his hands behind his back leaning against the wall, Calum biting back a smile, and Ashton, with tears in his eyes but still trying to look put together.
“I’m fine, I promise. I just- I love you two and you know the pollen count is high and whatever you’re crying too” Ashton blurted, sniffling a bit.
“Hey Mike? Just a thought, ask her properly so we can celebrate!” Calum sarcastically says before dragging the boys to the living room, where Michael knows they can still hear you two but there’s a false sense of privacy for you two.
Michael looks back to you, tears in his eyes and the box still in his hands. As he opens the box there’s a simple diamond ring one that you remember seeing in some window over a year and a half ago.
“Now, I know that was messy, and we’ve wasted a year. But baby, I love you more than anything and I want to spend the rest of my life next to you and proving to you that this stupid musician kid from Australia is the one for you. So, with that, will you marry me?” He says as he unhooks himself from the machine and gets down on one knee.
“I love you Michael Clifford, yes of course I will.” Launching yourself into him for a hug and knocking you two onto the ground.
“Oh thank god it’s about time” you hear from the other room as the boys come out.
“Do you two need a room or are we gonna have to leave the house again for a few hours.” Luke says laughing before Michael grabs your hand, puts the ring on and drags you up the stairs towards his room.
“Give is a few hours okay? I just got my girl back and she’s crazy enough to marry me. Were celebrating! I mean you guys can do whatever you want, I don’t care I’m engaged!” He yells as you two make your way down the hallway to...make up for lost time.
Authors Note: It’s been quite a while since I wrote anything and well I’ve had this half finished for over a year so I thought I might as well take some time and see what I can come up with. I hope you like it! (There’s also a Deaf!Michael imagine that I have half written so let me know if anyone wants me to finish it) 
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ariesbilly · 5 years
Note
Tell me more about FP and Hiram fucking at the Halloween party because hermione was going out with fred!!!!
one of you just… had to ask… fortunately for you i already have the night mapped out. also i never specified it was halloween but ya know… tis the season so imagine what you want. anyway.
it starts off with fp standing back somewhere sulking and watching fred and hermione flirt with each other all night and kiss and touch etc and he’s clearly visibly upset and no longer into this whole party situation. cue hiram coming up behind him and following his line of sight and he scoffs, makes a comment about how pathetic fps being to which fp responds “please. like youre not sitting here plotting your revenge on fred” 
hiram puts on his best cars salesman smile and says “actually ive got other plans. got some candy upstairs if you’re interested. it’s fresh.” which is code for hiram went into the city that week to pick up more coke and its the good shit. 
now, fp isnt really that much of a partier when it comes to anything stronger than weed. sure, he partakes from time to time but in general its not really his thing. but he takes one look up and sees fred with his tongue shoved so far down hermiones throat he doesnt know how either one of them is still breathing and he thinks fuck it. might as well make the best of a shitty situation. so he downs the rest of his beer and follows hiram upstairs.
theyre a couple of lines in and fps got a good high going when hiram starts talking about fred and hermione and what they must be up to right now and fp does not want to hear about this. 
“dont you have anything better to talk about? better yet, how about you just dont talk at all.”
“what, youre still acting like it doesnt bother you?”
“it doesnt”
“liar.”
and fine. fp’s lying. but he’s not about to admit that to hiram so instead he gives a half assed “thanks for the drugs” and makes for the door.
but then hirams grabbing his shoulder and telling him to wait, crowds in to fps space which is really hilarious considering fps got a significant amount of height on hiram but he’s too high right now to think about that, also apparently at some point hirams hand has ended up on his crotch so... he’s a little distracted.
hirams massaging fp through his jeans and talking about how its not fair that fred and hermione get to have all the fun and they should be allowed a little something too, is taunting fp with “theyre probably already in the bathroom down the hall as we speak. hermione on her knees... sucking fred off...” 
and next thing hiram knows fps growling and spinning him around, bending him over on the desk and hiram has got the biggest shit-eating grin on his face cuz he knows he just fucking won. says “thats more like it” as he hears fp behind him undoing his belt and hirams scrambling with his own. 
fp fumbles around with the condom, asks hiram where he keeps his lube and reaches over into the desk drawer to retrieve it. 
theres a moment of hesitation on fps part where asks hiram if he’s done this before because for as much as he cant stand the guy, a coke fueled quickie probably isnt the best way to be introduced to anal and fps got a conscience ok? 
but hiram scoffs and says “you wish” and fp rolls his eyes but he’s got all the confirmation he needs to keep going so... he does. 
admittedly he probably couldve spent some more time loosening hiram up but they both know what theyve gotten themselves into and hiram wasnt complaining so.... it was what it was. 
which was hard and fast and angry. 
when it was all said and done and they were tucking themselves back in to their pants, fp couldnt help but feel guilty, which really pissed him off because did fred ever feel guilty about sleeping with half of their graduating class? no. 
but hiram still had that goddamn smile on his face like he was up to trouble.
fp couldnt deal with it anymore. he felt gross. he needed to go home and shower. 
hiram followed and as soon as fp opened the door to step out into the hallway he ran right into none other than... you guessed it... fred and hermione.
everybody was at a standstill. fred knows what a post-sex fp looks like, as does hermione with hiram, so it wasnt hard for them to clock what just happened. fp wouldnt meet freds eyes. fred actually had the nerve to look betrayed, and then pissed when he looked over fps shoulder to hiram standing behind him. hermione was just confused as to why and how this happened and hiram looked like he just won the goddamn lottery. 
fp mumbled something about going home and ducked downstairs as fast as he could and hiram simply said “great party, don’t you think?” before sauntering off without a care in the world. 
oh and you can bet this led to a giant fight between the four of them. fred was pissed at hiram for sleeping with fp. hermione was pissed at fred for being pissed that fp slept with somebody else. fred and fp had a big ass fight about fp sleeping with hiram specifically. hiram and hermione didnt really get into a fight cuz like... they were technically broken up. although she did get mad that hirams whole game plan with fucking fp was just to get back at fred. everybodys so goddamn sloppy i love my kids. 
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