#what abt everything weve been through :'(

[cursedzucchini]

Danny and Jason meeting each other for the first time like:

Danny, pointing at Jason: baby???????

Jason, who just walked into the kitchen for cookies: baby!!!!!!!

Danny: what the fuck is a baby doing here???????

Jason: who left the baby unattended?????? Where are his parents????????

Bruce: i adopted both of you wh-

Jason & Danny, screaming on top of their lungs: BABY!!!!!!!!!!

---

Idk I'm just imagining Bruce adopting Danny, not telling anyone, bringing him home and Jason was just in the mansion. And their stupid dumb ghost brains go

Danny: not even filly formed baby in pain!!!!!! He's been suffering for so long.... Need to protect!!!!!!!

Jason: a fucking two years old baby!!!! (Wait what) very very young, very dumb, need to protect!!!!! (Who tf is this kid)

And when put together, they immidietly adopt each other. I feel like the scene that follows is Jason force feeding Danny a cookie, rambling Abt how thin he is and how he should eat more, and Danny fighting him while trying to give him ectoplasm so his core can fully form, cooing and telling Jason how he doesn't need to worry, Danny's here

[homophyte]

it is interesting to me that ive seen lately (n yknow this is subjective and likely not any real social force just what ive seen) many queer people simultaneously talking about taking back and embodying unpalatable and ‘unmarketable’ queerness (the recent return to the terms faggot and transsexual come to mind) which i think is pretty evidently shaped by the conservative moment were in of demonizing queer ppl and especially gnc and trans people as predators--it reads as a return to queer isolationism in the face of external hostility, imo--while at the same time ive seen a lot of rallying around the “original” 6 stripe rainbow flag as opposed to any of the purportedly ‘factional’ flags of different queer identities, with the assumption being different identity flags divide us while the rainbow flag encompasses everyone and its kinda fascinating to me bc the rainbow flag is probably the single most marketable and palatable and uncontroversial symbols of queerness which has been seamlessly uptaken by those who wish to sell it back to us as gets pointed out every pride month with all the cringey pride merch.... i dunno you could maybe take that as a point of hypocrisy and claim the queer community is itself in a conservative moment rn where its returning to a sense of history and historical continuity (perhaps even out of that sense of external threat) or even that the queer community has for some time been in a conservative moment given the like, decade of identity discourse and lashing out at any people deemed to not have a sufficiently established history or however we should categorize the bihets/ace discourse/transtrender-tucute discourse/pan discourse/bi lesbians discourse (because lets be frank its essentially all the same discourse just keeping up its momentum by leapfroging from one target to the next) which i think is, like, SOMEWHAT true but not entirely? its more interesting to me, in any case, as an expression of a conflict the queer community is facing given that current state of affairs RE antitransness and that very recent history. like, the simultaneous need to retreat to a safe sense of community which is welcoming to the very things the outer world is demonizing ie mutable gender, complex or contradictory experiences of gender, gender expression which is hostile to the cis binary, but also the ways in which it has to grapple with those discourses which have largely defined the community infighting for again the past decade. its queer people begging the question ‘how can we make the queer community welcoming to the girlfags and genderfucks and tboys who are being threatened when we have spent so much time making the queer community a hostile place for anyone with a non-conventional or not easily (or even just palatably) sortable sense of queer identity’. and the answer it seems to be grappling with at the moment is like, welcoming all that diversity of experience but being absolutely averse to naming it. yes we love all the fuckery with gender and sexuality never be marketable but like, ew, why are you calling yourself [insert microlabel here]. you can be genderweird but you cant call yourself genderweird. you can only exist as queer in the broadest possible way (the all-inclusive gay pride flag!) but if you try to name the specifics or use those identity labels weve been fighting over for years youre doing it wrong (the progress pride flag is now ugly and cringey and ‘too much’). i think theres something also to the way (at least on this site) transmisogynistic discourses have really taken hold as legitimate (though yknow i wont downplay how much a problem transmisogyny has like. always been in queer spaces no matter what) in the name of protecting n defending trans people. like its just regurgitated transmisogyny but its being mobilized supposedly in the service of helping trans people. idk its definitely getting a little late for me to string this together fully coherently but theres a throughline there, in the ways certain ideas are being consolidated and reified as ‘yes were more progressive now!’ when i think theres definitely something to question there in terms of like...are we? are we actually? are we doing better by the people were trying to help or are we setting strict standards and forcing ppl to adhere to them again?

[daedalusdavinci]

I love, love, love your Twobats fic with college!Bruce and Two-Face-but-not-yet-called-that. It's so fulfilling to see Two-Face and Bruce interact before the whole acid shebang.

(Side note...do you have any headcanons on college TwoBruce?? They've wormed their way into my brain and just won't leave.)

thank you!!! ;;;;;;;; i have a lot of very passionate feelings abt bruce knowing 2f before he became 2f ykwim

college bruharv is so important to me and college twobruce is perhaps even MORE important to me. yes yes we all KNOW that harvey and bruce spent their college days entirely wrapped up in each other in a tentative space between friends and something more wrestling with homophobia and their personal demons alike and i COULD talk about that for ages but LISTEN. LISTEN.

first of all i think most people dont realize that its incredibly unlikely that 2f just suddenly popped up after the incident. i think 2f is more likely one of the first alters and has been around for a long time, though due to how hard harvey has tried to suppress his did (and continues to try) they have a very complicated relationship that leaves 2f spending most of his time before that point pretending to be harvey and feeling unsure about who he is (and probably suffers from extremely low self esteem due to being a trauma holder with no support network). so, then, when theyre in college, weve got them at a point where theyve done some therapy (in multiple canons harvey knows he has did and was diagnosed with it relatively young, and went to therapy to address it (btas), tho his therapist was..... not great) and theyre living away from their father probably for the first time which any victim of child abuse knows is a whole thing. which is pretty much the perfect time for them to meet bruce

bruce in college is starting his plans to become batman. hes figuring out how to act like a playboy, planting the seeds of the brucie image, and simultaneously trying to learn everything he can without looking like thats what hes doing. hes sorting through trauma in a big way and trying to figure out how to turn it into something constructive, or make it "good damage." harvey is doing much the same thing, albeit less crazy, and for bruce its almost too easy to latch onto this guy who 1) is a huge egghead and helps him study and 2) understands. so they become friends (and a little more), and 2f is suddenly in a position where hes fronting around this guy who believes that hes his best friend in the world

and its bruce. hes a good friend, a safe friend, and when harvey quietly admits that he has did and theyre struggling to get through school life, hes supportive. hes there for them. he doesnt know when 2f is there, but 2f sees him getting books on did, sees him trying to learn, changing his language, trying to understand and support them. he doesnt get all of it but no one has ever even tried before and for the first time in his entire life 2f feels like there might be a person he can be himself around. so slowly, carefully, he starts letting bruce know when hes fronting

i think bruce is 2fs first friend thats his. i think bruce is the first person outside of a therapist who gets to meet 2f and he regularly stops 2f in his tracks just because he knows and yet somehow he doesnt hate 2f. he doesnt blame him when things go wrong, he doesnt think theres anything wrong with him, he just loves him unconditionally the exact same way he loves harvey. its the first time 2f really gets to be himself and explore the ways hes different from harvey around another person and having bruce is huge for him. harvey has so much resentment for 2f and yet bruce just has none, and its the first time anyones really loved 2f and i think that sits with him for the rest of his life. like, years down the line, when 2f is pissed at batman and tearing around the city, hes still got this little soft spot somewhere in his heart for bruce wayne.

this wound up basically being a huge dump about how i vaguely think of their relationship in college in overarching terms but if you want specific headcanons i can do that too alskdjnfsdf just probably in a different post bc this is so long and i got so carried away

[yanderes-galore]

Yandere Mir! Naib pls! Its been so long since weve talked abt that evol gremlin >:3 and i loved the backstory u wrote for him

I used the backstory I wrote for him to make a concept :) Sorry for the long wait, not into IDV rn.

I'm not used to making a concept from a scenario ^^; usually it's the other way around. I pull from my fic "Wither" a lot in this so I recommend you read it.

Yandere! MIR! Naib Subedar Concept

Possible Trigger Warnings: Obsession, Vague explicit behavior, Kidnapping, Murder, Violence, Blood, Forced relationship, Dehumanization, Manipulation, Sadism, Cults, "Marking" mention, Power dynamic.

- First, a small summary of Wither.

- Naib, before he was known as Man In Red, most likely met you in the town you both grew up in.

- He fell for you and that's where his obsession first rooted.

- Except at the time is wasn't really an obsession, it was just a crush.

- You two would send letters to each other and grew close.

- Then you turn him away for another man, just like in the backstory.

- Leading Naib to slowly (and painfully) morph into a demon through hanahaki disease and some odd otherworldly force.

- Now, when you meet Naib again, he is no longer himself.

- He is now known as the demonic leader, Man In Red, or MIR for short.

- MIR's Possessive, Sadistic, Flirtatious, Manipulative, Cold/Cruel, and Obsessive over you.

- MIR lost his memory since he became what he is now, so when you come back into your old town with your new spouse, Runaway (Real name Edgar), he isn't sure who you are just yet.

- (Honestly, rereading the Wither fic gave me RE8 vibes before I knew what it was, lol)

- The demon feels some sort of familiar connection to you but can't figure it out.

- Leading to MIR to subject you to his sadistic games until he figures out who you are.

- You can bet Runaway's being put through hell, too.

- "Welcome to my town, I'll be sure you're both given a warm welcome."

- Once MIR remembers who you are over time, it's all over.

- MIR is possessive, once he knows you were his beloved, say goodbye to Runaway.

- He'd make everything a game, too.

- Taunting you about how Runaway will be sacrificed in front of all his followers.

- How Runaway is a parasite in his prospering ecosystem.

- He can thank the guy for one thing, though.

- Bringing you back to MIR, where you belong.

- Think about it, Runaway caused all of this, it's only fair he pays what's due?

- His blood splattered across these city streets....

- MIR is also not normally one to share.

- But as this town runs on a cult dynamic, only his most trusted followers can speak with you.

- He won't let them get too greedy, though.

- This shows his sadistic behavior, too.

- Murder or kidnapping doesn't phase him, he'd kill in front of you and even make a big deal out of it.

- Taunting all the while with a grin.

- "What's wrong, my butterfly? Scared of a little blood~?"

- Flirting and lechery is also what he subjects you to.

- MIR is disgusting at times.

- Always making little comments towards you.

- Feeling you up and maybe even marking you.

- He's capable of such dirty things... he is a demon, after all.

- MIR can also be cold and cruel.

- He doesn't care if his followers die.

- He doesn't care if he has to hurt you.

- MIR is an evil creature and mortal life doesn't concern him.

- Although if you're dying he refuses to let it happen-

- He has powers, if he wanted you back, he could get you back.

- Yay for otherworldly entity powers, right?

- Lastly, obsessive.

- MIR will not leave you alone sometimes.

- More like most of the time... as he still has cult leader duties.

- He sees you as a pet, something to pester whenever he wants.

- His transformation made his crush turn to obsession.

- You made him like this.

- Your presence alleviates his yearning whenever near.

- Fate has brought you two together again.

- Now you'll never leave this demon's clutches.

- "I became this when you left. Do you really think I'd just let you walk out, butterfly?"

[lovestrucksuggestion]

hey, sorry if this is too much or smth, but i really don't wanna tell anything to my friends i fearike it'd be "too real" AND OBVIOUSLY I WANT IT TO BE REAL BUT, i don't know, i feel like i'll jinx or fuck it up somehow if i tell it;;

hello, again, okay so, a few weeks back we had this thesis project 6 per group and ive had converstaions w all of them except for 1.

by this point i was lamenting over a past love, we werent necessarily together since we were like, idk 14 or smth when it happened and its been 7 years, we kinda drifted apart after graduation since i thought 'it wouldnt last anyway' and i kept rejecting their advances for a year or two, but i still liked them;;; anyway back in 2020 we got in touch again and i told them that i still liked them and i was just dumb and all that and they seemed to return my advances and ofc i asked if they were comfortable and not just going w the flow yknow and they said yes so.

i confessed and they said not yet cause of school stuff but they do like me still and so i said id wait, THEN it was all okay since we joke and all that but they always seem to reject when i ask them directly about us or like even just to meet up or smth, and ofc i get it so i try not to bother them too much until valentine's rolls in and they post smth on ig with them and their friends and theres this girl with a solo shot of her being goofy and smiling and i just.

idk i took it as a sign to stop since he always used to do that w me before so yeh.

and then like with school i just got lost in all it and directed every ounce of my passion so we finished some stuff quite early, theres only 2 big ones of them we needed to do so a member suggested to split the work between us six. one of thems easier than the other so i got grouped with the guy i havent talked to, kinda scared abt it but all was fine. i added him (lets call him graham) on facebook so we could talk in messenger about planning what to do and all that, then after i found that he's friends with another group member who happened to be someone im close with, kinda AND they messaged me so i asked whats up cause i thought it was abt the project and they reply with smth along the lines of "nothing, graham's just rlly overjoyed since u addrd him cause he likes u" AND IM WHAT CAUSE IM P SURE WEVE NEVER MET then he follows it up w "ure his type, smart and hardworking" AND I DONT HAVE THE HEART TO TELL THAT IM A FALSE ADVERTISEMENT CAUSE IM RLLY NOT ALL THAT AND IM SCARED OF DISAPPOINTING ANYONE

anyway they let it be and i didnt think much of it cause maybe theyre just messing around yknow so nothing much happened, we finished the project and everything's all right until we were grouped for another thing through our society/club whatevr and i was kinda nervous since its my first time meeting them and everything was fun actually turns out it was graham's bday last tuesday so i greeted him and we joked a bit cause wednesday's the club thingy, i didnt even know what he looked like since his pfp's from when he was a kid

wednesday rolls in and im in the library with a friend, a mutual friend of ours and he said hello to me and i was so happy somehow??? I DONT REALLY GET IT MYSELF I USUALLY TAKE SO LONG TO ACCLIMATIZR TO SOMEONE BUT LIKE THE CLUB THINGY WENT WELL AND WE WERE JOKING BY THE END OF THE DAY AND I JUST, i think i like him as well?? he even asked to take a picture with me he seemed so nervous i wanted to hug him I ACTUALLY THOUGHT ITD BE OUR WHOLE GROUP IN THE CLUB but it turns out it wasnt so !!!!!!

thursday comes and we messaged a bit (he chatted first, abt the thesis) we were in a seminar and i was a bit late that day so i was at the back and our other classmates r upfront w him so never really met, until a friend of mine and i were going home and we MET THEM ON THE TRAIN ISTG MY HEART WAS JUMPING UNTIL I GOT HOME SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT WHILE WALKING

okay sorry but like, tldr, im a bit afraid that i only "like" him cause he liked me first, yknow after i waited for the previous person and evrything for so long and receiving little to nothing ++ i think his expectation of me's kinda high im neither smart nor hardworking im just anxious all the time so i have to do my work quick or else i'll die and some part of me's still doubting his feelings for me as just a prank cause nsjdhbf idk im not really pretty too so whats up why is this happrning but he's so fucking cute (generally) and i am falling as well and im scared cause we'd be graduating in a year so what if this also doesnt end quite well and i end up losing a friend?

i kinda also wanna just come up to him and invite him for a date but yeh :( and yesterday my phone died and i was stoked to meet him but he wasnt at uni so i was kinda sad then i find out the previous person i like messaged me and idk they were kinda flirty and i feel bad if i leave them again cause ive done it once and i was only left with regrets so what if im just repeating history aaaa its so hard to like manage everything too if graham and i somehow manage to be together im not great at balancing things what if i let him slip away or smth

again sorry for this i just wanted to know what other people think i really wanna shoot my shot at the same time i feel like im a people pleaser so yknow what if im just doing this cause of attention or smth idk huhu thanks in adavmce if u answer this but no hatd feelings if u dont thank u boo

Hello, you seem very stressed out! Please take several deep breaths, put on some calming music and remember that none of this is life or death.

First of all, you're right to let this past love go, it's simply not in the cards and I'm proud of you for recognizing that. Throw the whole man away, if he makes you feel bad(even if he's not doing it on purpose!) you don't need that drama.

I'm not going to diagnose you with anything over the internet, especially not based on one interaction, but I will say that in this ask specifically, you are exhibiting pretty high levels of anxiety and worry that it might be good to speak to a professional about. Your university should have free mental health services, if you have insurance you can call and ask what providers they cover, and failing that, there are many therapists and psychiatrists who offer sliding scale coverage for low income patients.

Alright, now that's done, what needs to happen here is something that I know you will not like, but is pretty much mandatory-you need to have a conversation with Graham. It's okay if it turns out you only like that he's interested in you, and when you get to know him you're less into him. You're not asking him to marry you after all. It's also okay if you're not smart or funny or hardworking (I think you're being too hard on yourself, but even so, it's okay).

If you talk with him and express your interest, you can set a boundary on how you like to be complimented(i.e., low pressure compliments that don't comment on your abilities) and specify if you want something casual just to see how you vibe. Even if you graduate, you might stay together, or you might not. You definitely won't know unless you try.

Also, who cares if you want attention???? you're human, that's totally natural. You're not gonna go to Needy Jail for it.

All that to say:

go to therapy

figure out what you want (in general and from Graham specifically. You can do this in therapy)

stop talking to past love

start talking to Graham about what you want

remember that even if things end up less than ideal, it's okay

[soundscapesystem]

uh ok so we havent posted in a long time here, especially not anything abt a direct system update

so this is that. kind of. im uncomfortable giving out any real details, but we have uncovered a lot more than things than we initially ever thought possible

weve found at least 20 old alters we had no contact with, some we just know are there but still have no contact with. our current count is 51. im not sure where the threshold for polyfragmented is but im afraid were heading that way. were certain there are others, we just dont know how many and dont want to speculate until we have more evidence

weve uncovered at least 2 additional forms of trauma we went through. theyre all connected, but were different enough that were now using subsystem terminology. we think there are 4 subsystems at this point.

everything has been a rollercoaster lately. weve been dizzy a lot, extremely anxious, paranoid even. we have nightmares almost every night, and we dont its something strange and confusing that still makes us uncomfortable, and we wake up with a start every morning. i wish it would stop but we dont know how yet.

we dont know our current therapist very well. weve been unlucky enough to have been placed with 2 therapists in a row who left the practice within 5 sessions each. our current therapist is the 3rd therapist weve had in the last year. we havent told her anything really. were always worried we wont be believed, theyll think were crazy, or making it up because it sounds so insane.

i dont want to risk losing credibility. i feel like i can only discuss things that sound "more common" i guess. the full story is unbelievable, but "my neighbor molested me as a child" is perfectly believable. so thats what i say, and thats all i can say. im afraid to tell other survivors the truth. most days i cant believe it myself, so why would anyone else?

oh well. this is just how its going to be for now i guess. maybe when i finish my degree and i have insurance and money i can reconnect with my DID specialist I had back in 2018. She was the only therapist i feel has ever truly believed me and helped me. i really hope i can.

anyway. this is long. im sure almost no one read it but thats fine, it was nice to get out.

-dave

[moomoomooing]

mild rant? mostly thoughts :)

yk ive just not been a fan of how quickly my mood and possible depression is flipping from eberythings fine and im only a little stressed but its ok! to jesus fuck let me rot (projects and deadlines are suddenly piled up and its overwhelming, but i also feel like this when i have nothing i can do)

i try to keep on a shower schedule cause of my class times (i have night classes half of the days so i shower on my off days) but it means i gotta be nasty for a day on sunday till i shower that night. and i never have the willpower to go to the studio feeling nasty,,, even if it wouldve been great to get work done and satiate the restlessness i get from being in my dorm all day

but i didnt and now im plagued with guilt and more stress/ anxiety yippees

on another note my roommate is really REALLY good at finding ALL of my triggers for anxiety or fight or flight responses. so far they nailed using my mirror/being TOO close to my belongings without asking (they eventually asked and i gave permission out of being nice but i severely dislike it and it makes me hyperaware of everything she does when i hear her close to my dresser). they got my i will tense up and not breathe till its over response to alarm sounds (i hate them theyre incredibly anxiety inducing and i always wake up before my alarm usually out of fear. thankfully now my alarms a last resort/reminder of time if i dont wake up early). and!! they let the door slam (boo loud noises), are constantly on a call they often dont wear earbuds for and talk really loudly half the time, or is on call past 12 am (i feel intrusive and also please i cant sleep if youre on call)

theres also other general icks that are hopefully getting better? im noticing less of smth that i hate that they do (its a not cleaning after yourself type deal) but it could just be coincidence

oh also im trying to apply for jobs (remote part-times or internships) and frankly im scared. the reason it took me so long to get a job in highschool was also straight fear and anxiety lmao

i would love money tho (pssst i have commissions open :D)

OW SHARP RINGING NOISE WHERE DID YOU COME FROM????????? ALL OF THE WHITE NOISE DISSAPEARED AND ITS ONLY THAT

anyways i got another strike of hypersensitive skin??? no idea what causes it but it made the underneath of my forearm feel like i scraped it across concrete. 0/10 i didnt have a pleasant showering experience

oh on a better note being so far removed from my family and the fact we basically never call or text has been quite freeing

its like when i was actually at public highschool and had agency over myself in a way i didnt have when my mom was around (basically her presence was usually STRESS)

on a lesser note i havent been talking with my two other friends (ill call em the trio, them plus me) and its been kinda radio silence from everyone? i havent exactly been great either but my infrequent requests for vcs are usually ignored or not responded too which sucks. it makes me more paranoid than id like to be

our time difference definitely makes it way harder too tho, im ahead by a few hours. ik weve gone months without talking before then picked it right back up, but im always scared during the radio silence anyways

im always scared and curious abt other ppls opinions on me, usually the ppl i consider friends. ik one of my friends likes me? but their friends (the 4 of us will be rooming together next year, theyre also technically my friends but my usually point of contact with them is through my friend) i cant tell how much they like me? its probably my unfamiliarity with them but it makes me nervous for no reason

anyways if you actually read all of this, sorry for taking away your time? i reccomend soft gepard x sampo (hsr) fics to soothe the mind, theyre cute.

also hey haha if youre one of the two friends, literally the nickels, are reading this? erase it from your mind please and thanks

[leeyanyanyaaan]

my bestie has a boyfriend....... my bestie has a boyfriend!! AND I HAVE THIS UNEXPLAINABLE URGE TO PUNCH HER BF BC THE THOUGHT OF THE FACT THAT SOMEONE WOOED OVER MY BEST FRIEND IS UNACCEPTABLE!!!(/says in affectionate and overprotective of my beloved bestie)

sigh... but honestly, THESE TWO!! LITERALLY WENT THROUGH THE MOST WEBTOON SLOWBURN ROMANCE EVER BRUH 💀 literally it went from just friends to doing hugs for emotional support comfort to even more intimate hugging borderline cuddles

and then them not having romantic feelings for each other despite everyone shipping them to being emotionally attached to each other and then being confused af abt their relationship (bc obv it was over the line of friendship at that point and then it went to situationship to "intimate relationship w no romantic feelings") and then NOW they suddenly decided that okay were finally calling it dating!!!

AFTER a long series of "why do people ship us we dont even like each other!" plus me helping them try to deny shipping allegations LMAO like idk if its the partially aro in me but if they said they didnt see each other that way then id just agree w them LOL

despite the fact that i, as her best friend, knew abt all their intimacies compared to most others who didnt know (bc the whole cuddling thing was a secret thing of theirs and still is) but still shipped them anyways LOL

although as a writer i did warn them abt how they were quite literally reenacting a typical slowburn romance and that if they were to be written in a story everyone would be shouting at them to kiss already LMAO so yeah even i acknowledged the romantic tension in a way but i just went along w everything and however their relationship developed

so was them starting to date and become a thing a surprise to me? no not at all. the moment my bestie told me she had smth important to tell me and the fact that 95% of our conversation revolves around him i immediately knew what the news was. but does that mean i accept it? NOPE 😃 I AM READY TO COMMIT MURDER AT ANY MOMENT and hes well aware of that too so hes been hiding from me AHAJSMDNMANSKS

but in all seriousness, i am friends w him (like friend of a friend type situation) and he is pretty chill. an honest (altho blunt) guy, so ik he wont be some bastard asshole that could break her heart any time, so im not like actually against their relationship (weve talked abt this before, me and him, when he still didnt think he had feelings for her he asked me the what-if question and if i would genuinely accept them and thats what i told him)

but still, as her best friend, i cant help but feel the urge to murder him because DAMN someone is dating MY BESTIE?! HE IS DATING MY BESTIE?!?!?!?

[pinkseas]

GOOD EVENING NIGHTY TO U ALYYY I HOPE YOU'LL HAVE A NICE SLEEP SOON or now as i type this immediately after. ur answer because i am in the Mood like YEEHAW anyway FIRST OF ALL SIRMA'AMMX SHANNON i hope u have the bestest day too like that is both Embarrassing and an honest surprise theres someone else reading our convos at all and i did,... stumble on this one comment someone wants to read more of my xiao deadge brainrot weve been throwing back and forth that u replied (more like me crying u crying back i wipe ur tears still crying cus its all from me my fault i did this to myself) and im like SHYYY but its all out in the open on tumblr anyway so we just. yeah. YeaghHFHEHDKDJFHDHHFHDJDJFH dies in a corner cutely PATCHES THE ONLY EVER that we can trust in the most honest answers regarding blake rwby and xiao genshimpact her words only that we hold like the bible amen 🙏

"i have sm respect for it esp as like a genuine coping mechanism and i cant really speak on fics for it but the thought of xiao specifically as a character regressing is so ??? i get it in Theory but in Practice." NO BUT I GET YOU i think the interpretation can still. maybe. be put into a good way though I Cant Really See It but if whoever does esp the fics then u cant rlly debate their reason its like any other screwed up hc ppl do so yknow!! "sometimes u just gotta write fics where you baby the fave and i look away from those in general out of personal preference but i am especially looking away from ones where its xiao" with all u wrote after like i can see the point of Babying Xiao but not him going actual baby and das not good at all,... cus all i do think abt esp if zhongli treats him is those two fics i told u that gets me so hard of the old man's willingness to care for him and how hes so gentle and patient and akfkfjshhxhshdh like THAT is the type of babying but not babying i can get by like YKWIM

"there's a difference between treating someone gently knowing their strength and capability and choosing to be soft regardless in a good, respectful way, VS flat out ignoring that persons capability and strength and treating them like glass and truly believing that they could shatter at any moment if thought of any differently." im gonna be fr i did use the second option but OFC ZHONGLI DOESNT IGNORE its the fact he Knows xiao can still be,... so fragile. like (skids back like im wearing socks sliding on marble floor) ur fic where lumine holds him like shes holding the world and he cries and cries and she holds him regardless,... that type of fragility. i dont know if you rmb me talking this but i mentioned abt some other brainrot abt xiao trying to move on after the events of the chasm and how the crew And lumine And zhongli play a part of it but i didnt say that while everyone has at least a piece of their worldview given to him abt grief and loss its ultimately abt xiao and zhongli going through their conflict of each other way back since rex lapis' death,... and in the end when they resolve it, xiao had been so. so fragile. like everything reaches his breaking point and he breaks. he misses the past he misses devoting his only purpose to rex lapis whos not rex lapis anymore he misses bosacius he misses his siblings he misses the adepti he couldnt even mourn properly. and zhongli lets him mourn. and its that moment where he cries it rlly shows how small he is to the world yknow. THAT kind of guilt of acting like a child but for a person like xiao that he genuinely doesnt realize nor have the power to stop it. (and all ur comments after it jsut hits so HARDDD SO REALL)

"I JUYST WROTE LIKE A WHOLE PARAGRAPH but it was super fucking rambly in a way that made NO sense whatsoever so it is gone now goodbye </3" NO WAY…. NAUR WAY U CANT JUSR DO THAT I WANNA SEE UR WORD VOMIT TO MY WORD VOMIT TOO u said it urself sumtimes u cant get entirely what im saying I GOTTA BE CONFUSED TOO SUMTIMES EQUIVALENT EXCHANGE shakes u like a piggy bank (and like yknow every single i wrote here is unfiltered. like. i just leave in all my nonsensical rambles cus fuck it its not like i can come back to it and it perfectly encapsulates how Not Sane i am in my thoghts and i must Let you Know)

i do not have the words or thoght to respond on the xiaolumi xiao and lumine one bc everythings there already ITS ALL THERE SO BASED SO REAL so. i cant say theyre perfect for each other for the exact reason i see flaw that theyre not. i think. pettiness flowing through me that i personally see their development slow that i dont vibe with others' praises abt how glorious they are as a couple but not in how i see it KFHSHFHEHFJJEJFJ "made for each other" "their souls are fated to be together" can be so Eck to me its funny that it sounds like i hate xlmi too when i can go 30k words on it WAHAHKDJHSH am thinkinf abt ur latest post instead when the two are brought up bc my brain goes fast melts fast like putty i cannot Bother going back sumtimes but i Will Try

"idk how they put up with me fr" NO BUT. NO i also cant believe how you put up with me especially with that many paragraphs and over explaining and extremely specific views of xiao and lumine and zhongli and everyone else i drag in bc i do doubt if i am being so nitpicky abt it when i mention the gnsn commu's common views on it KFHSHFHHSHFH like, being around the community in twt or at least trying to be at the sidelines can be so. draining. that u see sm stuff that contradicts how u think and it makes u a little irritated if not scared u feel like ur the only one with this thought u feel left out. so like. its kinda ironic i found who can get me outside of twt HAJFKSJFJ

"it takes xiao and lumine a long time to develop a very close friendship" has been important to me for a long time since i knew their potential, and ive been doing this even before them like 😭😭😭😭 exploring love in a way that it isnt romantic love. that it doesnt have to be them kissing to make them official, that their close friendship is that fruitful result they grew which makes it personally hard to me that them being a couple and doing sims woohoo feels like its lost entirely for that "new stage in life". and i do take them realistically i do try my hardest to make them make even a little sense bc i want them to be as human as they are, although they were never human in the first place. not just exploring abt live but exploring abt how humanity works in teyvat,... about how to live,... and that matters sm to me ughghhdh post-teyvat where they do kinda maybe be 'official', but thats after all the hardship all the misunderstandings they went during teyvat. during conflict. and once everythings peaceful do they try to let go and make their bond simply work and THATS SO IMPORTANT TO MEEEE

though dont take my pov too heavily bc i did have my moot who knows abt my xlmi views and how i speak them so delicately and aggressively (gentle) passionate that theyre even cautious abt speaking their ideas to me i felt legit bad 💔💔 like SURE THEYRE SUPER IMPORTANT TO ME i would fight anyone who wants to rebuke my ideals but not those who just wants to be around and share the sillies with me like AUGH I HOPE THAT THIS IS EVEN A LITTLE BIT COHERENT TO U SKSKHFJSHFHD 

"me sitting here like a small child drawing them as stick figures holding hands and smiling “and then they were BEST friends <3” I MEAN WITH ALL THE SHT I SAID I DO THIS TOO FR sumtiems u get super analytic like a scientist lookijg thru their science thingamajigs to cure cancer sumtimes you go goofy ahh my blorbos i think theyre very neat tgt and we're so real for that <33333

GOOD MORNING BESTIEEEEEEEE <3333333

"(more like me crying u crying back i wipe ur tears still crying cus its all from me my fault i did this to myself)" NO BC THIS IS SO REAL LITERALLY

"PATCHES THE ONLY EVER that we can trust in the most honest answers regarding blake rwby and xiao genshimpact her words only that we hold like the bible amen 🙏" patches says xiao genshin impact is the only man ever and honestly i agree

"like THAT is the type of babying but not babying i can get by like YKWIM" I KNOW WHAT U MEAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"im gonna be fr i did use the second option but" NO BC LIKE i didnt word that right i know what u mean and like. idk. u dont do it in a bed or weird or disrespectful way yknow ???? you do it Right you do it so fawking well it makes me so insane and for what

"and in the end when they resolve it, xiao had been so. so fragile. like everything reaches his breaking point and he breaks. he misses the past he misses devoting his only purpose to rex lapis whos not rex lapis anymore he misses bosacius he misses his siblings he misses the adepti he couldnt even mourn properly. and zhongli lets him mourn. and its that moment where he cries it rlly shows how small he is to the world yknow" o(-( crying shaking bawling sobbing GODDDDDDD i see it. i see the vision i get it i Understand dear fucking LORD im so. explodes. learning to live for yourself missing the simplicity of the past missing those youve lost it is all So Fucking Hard and for what !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"shakes u like a piggy bank" DORRYYYYYYYYYY next time that happens i wll just keep the paragraph i pinkie prommy <333333 just for u bestie anything for u bestie

""made for each other" "their souls are fated to be together" can be so Eck to me" BIGGEST HANDSHAKE EMOJI EVER its so weird like sometimes in writing specifically i really love it but its one of those like. i appreciate it when its Not Real but if it were ever real or if ppl ever truly believed that other ppl or any charactesr were 'made for each other' or 'fated' i would expldoea nd die /neg ITS SO WEIRD i cant Properly describe how i love it a lot in specific ways but then hate it so bad in other ways its soooo. man

"i also cant believe how you put up with me especially with that many paragraphs and over explaining and extremely specific views of xiao and lumine and zhongli and everyone else i drag in" are u kidding me ur paragraphsg and explaining are the Best Things Ever In The Whole Entire Universe i adore and cherish it every single time without fail. something something not "putting up with" or "dealing with" just love just care <- doesnt know how words work or how to describe things

everything abt the way u talk abt xiaolumi is so. pleading face emoji x1000000000 im just. smdnfmsdngnfdkg GOD

"like SURE THEYRE SUPER IMPORTANT TO ME i would fight anyone who wants to rebuke my ideals but not those who just wants to be around and share the sillies with me like AUGH I HOPE THAT THIS IS EVEN A LITTLE BIT COHERENT TO U" no i know exactly what you mean dw !!!!!!! and its weird for me specifically/personally bc like. on one hand im still working on The Thing where if Someone I Care About has an opinion thats different from mine my instinct is "oh, my opinion is Wrong and theirs is Right" and that used to be SAURRRRR bad and there's a little bit of influence still BUT!!!! character growth character development i am so much better at keeping my own thoughts and hcs now and not twisting and changing them the split second someone says otherwise...... like the past few months especially ive gotten SO good at it its unreal i feel like an actual person now. and like i fully understand the fear of "oh no what if i make them feel like they cant talk about THEIR thoughts" but w/ us specifically too its like. i love hearing about your thoughts So Fucking Much whther theyre super similar or super different from my own, and partially bc of that i am 100% ok with sharing my own thoughts even if i feel like they're silly or know they'll be different from yours. idk if you were like a Stranger stranger (which is so funny to say all things considered) id probably be all polite but in the bad way where i listened and then agreed and didnt give my own thoughts but its YOU so i give all of my own thoughts i give every thought ive ever had and i feel totally comfortable doing so <- word vomit paragraph bc im delirious but im also too delirious to reword it into somethign more coherent dorry </333

"sumtiems u get super analytic like a scientist lookijg thru their science thingamajigs to cure cancer sumtimes you go goofy ahh my blorbos i think theyre very neat tgt and we're so real for that <33333" REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL we literally are so real for that. man. i love that for us sm <333

ANYWAYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS i hope u have been doing well i hope ur day today goes amazingly i hope u get some good rest tonight or maybe during the day idk i hope school stuff is going well and finally if anything goes wrong or bad i am beating it up with my tiny baby fists peace and love goodnight <3

[3s-diary]

woah, its novemeber and i remember writing the holiday report posts in bio class after the holidays, then forgot to do the rest of it, which is okay however, that was a whilw ago but the quick recap is in week 5 i went to the netherlands which was partly really nice bc i hung with my homie there and partly really awful bc i. felt so dysphoric and lonely that i cried a lot and stared at the. wall or ran away from the restaurant once so no one would notice. overall i was happy to be gone from home tho and had a few happy moments, im really thankful for being able to go. since we both graduate next year, i hope the person i always meet there and me will see each other again at all. just one day after i went back home me and my friends left to go to a youuth hostel which was really just a fever dream. on the train ride there dipsy was anxious and nauseous all the time bc she gets like insanely scared of being late or anything. when we were there however we hung in the hostel, the food was okay(im a picky eater so that was a big worry) and we went to the store to get snacks and stuff to drink.the next day we tried to go to a nearby memorial, which didnt work bc we didnt get how the bus traffic worked at all, which is why we got really frustrated and me and dipsy wanted to gi home whilw pou wanted to keep trying and we just sorta went home pissed and did nothing afterwards and i was really depressed as soon as i had alone time and any thoughts passed my head. every "social break" we took, was sorta dipsys decision and she either went for a walk or watched shameless whilw pou slept and i listened to music and overthought. i didn't like them, but well come to that. im not quite sure anymore, but i think we went for a run afterwards which was really okay and then (after i almost had a breakdown over the community showers, but i lickily managed to shower when no one was there) went to dinner. i think during that as well as after pou started crying, which she did often (or had general emotional outbursts) which me and dipsy sometimws didn't know how to handle, for my part ir was especially because i was very deep inside my own problems and couldn't even care for myself. then we started drinking and after we got in a fight again we went for a huge walk in the middle of the night and i told them all the things ive never told noone before, like my eating issues and the stuff about my relation to men , and essentially all the stuff that happened with my ex bsf as well as every thing that happened with my dad and mom. (yeah, in the middle of the night, wasted, in a city weve never been before). i still dk how to feel abt that but they tried to understand, and pou told us about how she doesnt get along with her dad and about all the boys who were assholes towards. her. it was really,,, weird somehow how we just spilled everything we stfu about before all at once, I don't even know what else to say about that but it was just . a situation.

the next day we went to the city and ate pitza as well as got funny little drinks and walked around. in the evening we (for WHATEVER REASON) decided to walk to the memorial we couldnt get to before so we started going at like 11pm. however when we already walked for a bit dipsy said we should return bc its like totally unsafe and we could break our legs(bc the route was really leading up a hill and through a forest) and i was really mad bc we just decided altogether to go there, however i was so emotionally drained that i had no energy to really even argue. pou got really pissed as well and they argued whilw i felt like just disappearing tbh. we ended up going, on the way there i started crying and when they asked what was wrong i tried to explain how ive been feeling to drained and lonely all along and thought it would get better here but it didnr and i cant do this anymore ans they hugged me but didn't know what to say so we kept walking vut i couldnt stop crying and didnr wanna talk to them. the 2 of them tried talking out some of our conflicts, which wouldve been nice to see but i didnr partake bc all i wanted to do was die and idk tgose 1.5 hours we walked in the dark were a huge fever dream, all i didn was wish i was dead and cry my eyes out .whwn we got there it was cool, i managed to stop crying at some point. we literally walked back on a street without a side walk so wehad to jump into the bushes everytime there was a car, which was so weird and dipsy was so anxious about it and the conversations we had were really weird kinda and idk what the hell was up. we found a few books on the street which pou wanted to take with her but we thought it was creepy (and nowadays everything is a sex trafficking method,so...) so we talked her out of it and we got in a fight abt that and then we got into a fight about ehich time we should get up cus we had to check out at 9 am. like. whatever the next day dipsy was anxious throuufhtout the whole trip again but yeah we got home. that was our trip together and its the weirdest thing thats ever happened to me, i also feel like it wouldve wenr a lot different if all of use wozldve been in a better mental state, we always sorta fuck up hangouts when at least one of us is doing bad, it just really ruins it. but yeah we were home.

[dyketubbo]

theres a lot of people who seem to think that c!beeduo will have some sort of giant argument abt ranboos or quackity will take tubbos last life or something and im just like. no i just want them to talk LMAO can we get a tubbo talking about his problems and have an arc of tubbo realizing that he shouldnt just accept mistreatment and that repressing his emotions is not the same as healthily moving on from trauma. i want him and quackity to be equals with mutual respect (which is where their relationship had already left off), i know realistically theres going to be conflict but like.

ranboo and tubbo both already know theyre keeping secrets, tubbo wouldnt be mad about enderwalk because its not dangerous, ranboo wouldnt be mad because tubbo didnt tell him about his past, at most ranboo would be upset *for* tubbo because like. theres no good reason for ranboo to get mad that tubbo didnt tell him about something incredibly traumatizing, and theres. no reason for tubbo to be pissed about sleepwalking, even *if* ew!ranboo has conmections with dream, tubbo has already expressed that he wouldnt blame ranboo for anything he couldnt control, and tubbo himself knows how easy it is for dream to get under peoples skin

also i feel like some people seem to lean wayyy too far into quackity being a villain to remember what *kind* of villain he is. he isnt like schlatt, who used political and perceived power to get his way. he isnt like dream, who slowly wittled down peoples defenses and convinced others that it was deserved and that he was in the right (to the point where people *still* believe what he said about tommy). he uses similar tactics, yes, but he's still his own kind of villain, and i truly do not believe quackity is going to kill tubbo when theres. not a very big benefit to doing so? at the least he gets the ire of ranboo and tommy. but its very likely that hes going to piss off a *ton* of people, because tubbo is like. very loved among the community, even most of the las nevadas citizens genuinely like tubbo (slime and quackity only being exceptions because we dont know exactly what their opinions are, but its unlikely that they dislike tubbo)

its unlikely for tubbo to permadie, and i think unlikely for beeduo and las nevadas' conflict to be much more than a moral conflict. hell, i think its more likely for ranboos focus on this conflict to cause an issue within the syndicate (ranboo and phil both focusing on tubbo and growing close with him, and weve been waiting for the ball to drop on technos response to it all, and it may come to a head with them all being apart of the las nevadas plot), or to even just tie up a lot of loose ends with various relationships (cough cough fundy and ranboo cough cough)

i also just dont think it works for the characters to have beeduo have a big fallout (or even really a big argument in general) or for quackity to cause such large harm to tubbo. like ive been trying to collect my thoughts on how beeduos relationship will develop for a while and i want to make a post about it but just as a general tubbo is canonically very loved and cared about on the smp, its very risky to cause harm to him and i feel like quackity would know that. also tubbo has never had a problem with people protecting him LMAO him and tommys entire relationship has been based around protecting each other, tubbo himself is very protective, i doubt tubbo would feel much more than annoyance at ranboos meddling and ultimately if he disagreed with ranboos morals i think he'd at least speak up about that (also tubbo honestly follows the "people not sides" thing in his own way, after all he and punz were always friendly, and hes friends with phil, literally married to ranboo, friends with sam, etc etc)

generally just like, i think tubbos story arc would be best if this led into a healing arc, like its very likely that someone will bring up him being a spy before and how it ended badly and tubbo wont be able to avoid it anymore, and with proper pressuring, yeah, i think he'd snap. but itd be cathartic, and also i do not think anyone around tubbo has the heart to just like, watch him break or even truly get satisfaction out of it. tubbo dying would only further his belief that his life doesnt matter, dream wouldnt revive tubbo, thats kind of just a given. canon wise, it makes sense for tubbo to survive (cough cough parallels to how tommy got out of exile, being the only president to live, also like he has a fucking son), and it makes sense for him to be able to genuinely get those around him to question their morals and how theyve treated him and others. i really do think tubbos arc is heading in a direction where hes gonna heal, and i think its absolutely going to be an emotional/moral struggle rather than a physical one

the people around tubbo have already encouraged him to be emotionally open before, just a bit more pushing and i think theres a chance. is tubbo going to break before he gets better? yeah, but i dont think its going to come in the form of him dying or even an argument with ranboo- which i just do not think will happen in the way most seem to think it will. they are genuinely good partners that love and care for each other, they consistently interact and work together on almost everything. yes they need better communication, but ultimately "i went/am going through a traumatizing experience and i didnt want to worry you by telling" is not a relationship breaker, neither of them are dangerous or harmful to each other. i understand the want to have a lot of action but thats likely going to come with the prison plotline, and tubbos relationships with the prisoners is a much different situation than his relationships with ranboo and quackity (INTENSELY different). hell, dreams in fuckin prison and is still a bigger danger to tubbo than ranboo and quackity could ever be

[rainstormfes]

Attack on Titan S4 pt2 Ep12 (2/2)

again SPOILER WARNING. now lets get straight to it

OH GOSH WHAT TO SAY ABT THIS WHOLE 'do they love each other in a more than family way' PART OF THE EP.

i WILL acknowledge that its heavily implied that eren loves her as more than family so lets just assume that sure, he does love her like that.

in the left pic, eren literally looks desperate to hear that she thinks of him as more than just family. and then the right pic is him knowing that even if she reciprocated nothing should even happen. he doesnt have that much longer to live; he most likely feels that he shouldnt get anymore involved w her otherwise itd just be more painful to leave her

putting focus on the beginning and middle of the ep w mikasa's monologue: we could see that she was blushing when he asked her what he was to her so that obvi might imply that she loves him more than just family. but she didnt say that w the "you are family" part. BUT IF EREN DID HEAR THAT where she said that she loves him more than family, that still begs that question that mikasa ponders in the middle of the ep: would he change course if she had said smth else at the time aka she loves him more than family? would he change his plans to protect the woman he loves (IF he loves her like that and IF he properly knew that she reciprocated?)

considering hes been shown to be a very idealistic man and we always see him strongly stick to his ideals no matter what, would it have even made a difference if mikasa's answer was different?

i honestly think no, nothing would change if mikasa's answer was different. i think he was just looking for that confirmation. what he would do with that information, most likely not a lot bc he knows he has stuff to do. i dont think he would throw away his ideals for a woman he loves, he just doesnt seem to be that kind of guy. YES he cares abt her so so much (and his friends whom he considers family at this point) but he just wants her and everyone else to live on happily and peacefully whether or not hes there with them as he says he wants them to.

THE WAY THEY USED THE VERY FIRST LISTED OST TRACK 'attack ON titan' IN THIS FINAL SEGMENT AHHHHH IT WAS USED PERFECTLY. WHEN KOBAYASHI MIKA STARTED HER BEAUTIFUL AND POWERFUL SINGING, I COULDNT HELP BUT GET SO HYPED

THE BIGGEST THING THAT SHOCKED ME THIS EP. LOOK AT HIM. DADDY LONG ARMS RIGHT THERE. HE LOOKS SO MENACING. AND HOW LONG IS HIS BODY TF. CAUSE IF THATS THE HEAD HOW FAR BACK IS THE REST OF THE BODY. and how tf doES HE EVEN M O V E.

this is such a good frame of tiny eren. this is the moment that started his journey on finding out just how big the world really is

THIS FRAME IS ABSOLUTELY INSANE. AND AGAIN HOW LONG IS THE BODY.

call back to the first ep man. LOOK AT THAT PARALLEL. a colossal titan making its way into a city? AINT THE FIRST TIME WEVE SEEN IT.

So to go off of the very first line of ep 12 "Everyone says that Eren has changed.": In my opinion, eren hasnt changed one bit since he was a kid. this boy has made it abundantly clear that his mindset is always 'the enemy should be and needs to be removed' whatever 'removed' entails. theres him beating up the neighborhood bullies bc they were the enemy to the weaker kids they could pick on aka armin. theres him killing the bandits bc they were the enemy to the ppl that he and his dad were visiting. theres him wanting to kill titans bc he saw them as the true enemy of the walls (before he found out the full truth). and now theres him wanting to wipe out the whole world's population (except for paradis island) since theyre the enemy that views the island as the enemy.

ALSO CAN WE JUST TALK ABT THE ABSOLUTE TRAUMA THIS MAN HAS GONE THROUGH. first of all, dealing w finding out the future when he touched historia's hand. he found out about everything thats happening now and then also past this. AND HE COULDNT TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT IT EITHER. who would think that he wasnt crazy for saying that hes going to start the rumbling and kill of civilization outside of paradis island? SO HE HAD TO INTERNALIZE IT. THERES NO WAY HE'D BE MENTALLY OK AFTER FOUR YEARS OF THAT.

AND THEN THERE WAS THE SCENE AT THE END WHERE HE NEEDED TO FAKE BEING A WOUNDED SOLDIER SO HE COULD EVENTUALLY MAKE CONTACT WITH FALCO ETC ETC. THE ABOSLUTE A N G U I S H. i can see why his eyes look completely dead. he's gone through so much.

ANYWAYS. that concludes this season.

also YES im very happy that theyre making attack on titan the final season part 3 despite the terrible naming (they knew this would happen why the heck did they do this to themselves). i dont care what anyone says. this series is legendary. i cannot WAIT for the ending (despite manga readers saying theyre disappointed with it). i wanna see how this beautiful series (canonically) marks its end.

[lezarus]

season 14 would've been the perfect time to make destiel canon, it even had an episode of the guys getting into and looking through Dean's mind. 14x20 could've ended w/ Cas going to the Empty and then develop the relationship in s15, but instead they decided to kill jack twice in the same season, undo all of dean's character development in the end and also ruin deancas' bond... i mean, i find it hard to ship a guy with the man that tried to kill his son twice and didn't even apologize for it

i disagree for a couple reasons:

1. i think the ending of season 14/start of season 15 is some of the best the writings ever been on spn. moriah was an episode abt dean choosing to let go of the trauma inflicted on him by his upbringing with john and not allow himself to be blinded by the need for revenge like john was and to make the conscious choice to start to move forward with his new family.

also i love the destiel divorce arc. it shifted the dynamic between those two characters in a way theyve never done before and it could only have happened as a result of something so monumentally awful as losing a child. i think it was the thing that finally allowed cas to truly see dean as a flawed man as well as the thing that fundamentally shifted his entire life and worldview. and it was good for them! it meant cas finally grew some backbone and dean was able to be more emotionally vulnerable than weve ever seen him.

anyway obviously the last few episodes of season 15 really let down everything theyd been building. imo jack deciding to turn himself into a bomb in order to get dean (and sam but really dean) to forgive him should have been the final wake up call for dean and allowed him to see what his parenting has done to their child. and that should have been the catalyst for beating chuck. there should have been an apology to jack from dean and it rly sucks that there wasnt bc i too would have liked their to be a resolution to the jack/dean stuff before the confession and i do think that would have made more sense but oh well, supernatural is bad and i just choose to ignore the finale and pretend that the trajectory of s14 was ongoing.

2. i also really dont want to see what the writers of the cws supernatural think a compelling gay relationship looks like. if they had got together on screen i would have wanted it to be in the last few scenes of the last episode. i think if they tried to write dean and cas in an actual relationship it would have been Bad and boring and homophobic and not in a fun way

anyway i guess what im saying is for me personally the end of s14 start of s15 was as close to perfect as supernatural is able to get and i would much rather they concluded the arcs in a way that it felt like they were going to than have different ones. hope that made sense!

[materialisnt]

hebrew teacher sent us an email after finding out our beit din is coming up (our rabbi asked about who wed like on the beit din and we mentioned her) and it was just, the sweetest email. she wants to know about our hebrew name but doesnt know were plural (yet) so rn trying to weigh out how to broach that topic cause the name weve chosen isnt really the same like if u dont know, weve got the middle name being the plural of life and the third name is specifically plural symbolism (rimon: pomegranate, aka a single fruit containing hundreds of individual possibilities that all nurture each other). roe really wants to just tell her, shes a retired therapist and a hippie who cares about us likeshes not gonna be cruel n our beit din essay is like extremely explicit abt our plurality and how that manifests in our practice n understanding of judaism, but like, the rest of us wanna wait a bit n chew on how to articulate it to her before writing back.

honestly tho getting yhat emailwas really affirming, weve been working o our essay more n are trying to describe how we do jewish and its like........so hard not to worry about not doing enough. our shul is really really far left and there's no requirement of daily or even weekly prayer but we're still like... "what if it isnt enough? what if they dont understand praying in ASL? what if its too confusing to map out this journey for them? will they find our internal dialogue strange or endearing? what if what if what if?" its a bit nerve wracking. also, oli n brad have been reflecting recently, its been almost a year of sobriety now. weve been able to avoid meltdowns n panic-switching by communicating through ASL and using sound defenders, and its been almost a year since weve had to go to the er bc we cant breathe, which is great, but its also been really lonely. not a lot of sober ppl our age in the circles we used to hang out in/are drawn to. not a lot of ppl who can accommodate our environmental sensitivities either. our future is not gonna look anything like our past, our relationships will be fewer and we wont be able to bend our crip bodymind so far anymore.

but thats for the best isnt it, all of this, we have more to offer the world as ourselves than we ever did trying to be a singular someone else

well, roes excited, n even though its not easy for me to emote with roe its nice having a partner nearby who doesnt overthink everything like me. roes energy has been healing for oli and brad too as they try to cope w everything. n it helps me too knowing i have roe n others arou d for when im not able to "person" the way a "person" "should"

its also exciting knowing we're gonna be able to use our chosen/found name together soon, one weve cultivated together that represents us as we are rather than how one of us thinks they should be. olis going to change olis name after the mikveh too, which olis been wanting to do for a long time now, and thats gonna be powerful for oli.

now fingers crossed my headmates can help me catch all the run-ons before we send this to our rabbi 😅

[urmomification]

SWAG ANOTHER DREAM SMP AU FIC IDEA THAT ILL NEVER WRITE POG

this is a very long post please im so sorry my brain it just

(tw for like slight possession n shit)

(sorry its all jumbled i write all of these in discord to my friend and copy paste them here please if u have questions ask me im always willing to talk abt this shit please it haunts me)

(context: i saw a tiktok abt the hc that both dream and techno are gods of some sort bc theyre mentioned in the tales of the smp by karl a time traveller and my brain just ran w it)

going back to the techno and dream are gods thing right so dream is a vessel for the god dream xd (??? work in progress youll know what im talking about at some point its really funny tho uve def seen clips of it) and he was possessed?? by the god after the server started (when he started going from super friendly with everyone to control/power hungry) when he started sacrificing everything for power so no one could have power over him? that was the god making him do it bc the god was terrified of not being in control since theyd lost it all to techno in their past. thats why we never see dream and techno fight and why we see dream extend help and support to him at times as well as respecting his boundaries and such bc theyre scared of techno (again w the best of 10 duel reference, techno killed the god in a past life which is why the god has been forced to use a human vessel to get anything done on the mortal plane) but when something that powerful spends pretty much any amount of time in something mortal and mundane like a person, the host body starts to change (hence the mask) i like to think that the god would be akin to that of a biblically correct angel?? like the ones w multiple eyes n shit yk so after time things start to happen to normal dreams body he gets extra sets of eyes and he gets taller and overall his body seems just Too Small for whatevers inside of him and thats why he (hc) started wearing the mask in the first place he knew something was wrong w him but he didnt want anyone to know even tho they would most likely help him he was ashamed that he was different in the first place so he started wearing the mask once the other eyes showed up. and i think that the god would talk to dream similarly to how technos voices work yk? except its just the one voice instead of many many small ones. and again with the mask thing when he lost to tommy and they took him in, part of his mask broke to the point where u could see just a bit of the right side of his face but enough to see that it Wasnt Right there were two eyes where there shouldve been one and spots on his cheeks bright enough to resemble stars and where the color of his pupil should have been is just a sickeningly neon green with nothing else behind it. so they let him keep the mask even tho they already know something is wrong but it clearly makes him Very Distressed when asked to remove the mask or told to give it up. blah blah blah god harassing its host bc it got them caught and thrown in a prison and dream goes ever so slightly insane having to share a mind and body with a literal ancient god w a vendetta against everything hes built whos forced him to sacrifice everything he loved and cared for out of fear yk the usual prison shit and then techno comes a long and breaks him out or whatever but on their way back to his house he drops a really cryptic line abt how 'its nice to see an old friend again' and 'i thought i got rid of u for good last time' and dream is just ???? what are u talking about?? weve never been friends and youve never gotten rid of me? what. until techno spins around and just 'im not talking to you im talking to the thing inside u' or whatever and dreams eyes flash some brilliant gold or sumn and boom this is ur fellow god speaking how may i help you and dream xd (that feels so wrong to say but) and techno bond or well ig just talk abt how the past centuries have gone and ig while xd is fronting (??? i think itd kinda be like DID in a sense w multiple people being able to front yk?) dream is in a sort of semi conscious state but still hears everything going on around his own body until hes thrown back into the drivers seat (i think that xd would only be able to front for short periods of time due to the vessel n shit that makes sense right) and hes so confused someone please help him hes just a dude who happened to get possessed by a god someone help him so when they finally get back to technos house he sits dream down and explains the best he can without literally melting dreams brain. which would also play into the 'technoblade never dies' bc hes. literally a god. mortals cant kill him unless they have idk some sort of super weapon idk and blah blah blah xd gets what they want and finally has the ability to leave finally leaving dream literally the shell of a man with no home friends materials or anything with techno to basically take care of him until he reaches some semblance of stability again (which would take ages, realistically (wdym realistically) going from normal, to a god sharing a body with you and speaking in you brain living as a single being together and hearing their thoughts, to back to normal but with all the memories of what you did and what they made you do and also no more god speaking in ur head it would take a hot sec to recover from) so he lives with techno (whos, not to mention, another god) for a while until he can fend for himself again and after a good year or so passes and no one hears from dream they start to look for him and see what happened bc he went from the biggest threat on the server to just. gone. no one knows where he went after whatever he did and they want closure. is he dead?? who knows. so george and sap set out looking for him and decide to ask techno for help since hes good w directions n shit also he was the last person to see dream alive so he might have an idea of where he is and they walk up to his house and knock on his door and techno opens it and just stares at them he knows who they are, dreams talked about them before but hes never met them really so he talks to them, getting through the polite hellos how are yous before sap finally asks 'do you know what happened to dream? no one knows where he went and we just want closure' techno huffs and tells them to wait there he (this is the basement door im using his arctic tundra house in my head) goes down the ladder to the second basement, they can hear him talking to multiple people (ranboo phil dream) but cant tell who everyone is before coming back up the ladder, back to the door. he tells them to wait outside he needs to get something first (its dream hes getting dream) theyre standing out by carls stable when the door creaks open and dream steps out looking around for who the fuck could possibly be looking for them he betrayed everyone and most people thought he was dead who could possibly be here asking for himself and not ranboo or philza and when he steps out, his green hoodie (memento made by ranboo to help him cope w the loss of the voice in his head) catching the morning light off the snow and he was happy and then he saw them standing by the house hed grown to call home at least for now he breaks. he missed them so so much it hurt. he never expected to see them ever again much less them come looking to see him but hes scared he realizes he doesnt know what to say there is nothing to say he fucked them all over he ruined everything and then hes being hugged. they missed him too. they dont forgive him jsut yet but they missed him and thats enough for him right now. the three of them stand there just being in each others presences and techno creaks the door open to make sure they arent trying to kill each other and sighs and leans against the frame smiling. hes happy again and thats the best he can do for him. he invites them all in and offers to explain everything to them to try and ease the blame off of dream bc in all honesty it was his fault but xd made it far far worse that it should have been (a bit late but foot note abt xd i think that they would be an idle god until someone w intense feelings of powerlessness and insecurity like awoke them from their techno induced slumber and inhabited dream to help him fulfill his desires for power and control) and by the time he and dream are finished its late at night and sap and george are ??? so u were possessed by a god who techno killed centuries ago in a duel and it amplified ur feelings of insecurity and ur thirst for control to the point of isolating urself from us and destroying everything everyone cared abt?? also technos an ancient god who lusts for bloodshed but also makes turtle farms in his free time?? are we getting this right????? and techno and dream are just yea thats abt it glad this all made sense then they all go to bed (its a small house dream has a lil shack like ranboos and sap and george somehow slept over there for the night) and in the morning sap and george leave again but promise to come back, they still arent ready to forgive and forget bc even tho it wasnt all his fault his emotions getting away from him is what caused this all in the first place so they do need time to process now that they know he isnt dead and dream continues to live near techno in almost full independence and eventually moves back with his friends even tho many still hate him. hes happy and for now thats enough. another foot note; even after xd leaves his being, he still has the extra eyes, glowy freckles n is xtra tall n shit that cant just be reversed but now that hes himself again these things take their tolls on human bodies so i think hed have something at least similar to arthritis bc of how his bones were literally manipulated bc of how strong ethereal magic or whatever is. so he would still wear the broken mask but he takes it off now and is ok with it being off hes working on getting better now that hes himself again and everyone living w/by techno is helping him with that. also i think that he would get blinks of xd's memories like from when techno was killing them and have sumn like ptsd panic attacks from it and techno feels super guilty abt it but theres literally nothing he can do except apologize and after the first few times dream stopped him from apologizing bc it is his fault but he didnt do it to him so it doesnt matter to dream at least and they live in pretty much harmony until dream finally moves back in w george and sap the end. he also started wearing the mask in the first place bc of the extra eyes but he played it off as being uncomfortable around new people and not wanting them to know what he looked like until he trusted them (bc that literally makes sense irl how funky is that) so sap and george never pushed him and when they caught him without it on on the rare occasion they wouldnt pressure him to leave it off or anything even tho they already knew what he looked like (when they respect ur boundaries </3) they just assumed that it was insecurity (it was but also mans had like 3 eyes so) and just left him alone