#what if every episode I didn’t have to worry about them changing or becoming something new or different or hating their character arch???

[literaila]

how do u think satoru would react to reader in a depressive episode, especially what do u think the kids would do

obviously, they’ve all noticed.

the past couple of weeks have not been lived through ignorantly. and you have not been acting normal.

the differences are just that, at first. tiny inconsistencies in your otherwise normal personality, your routine.

and then it becomes more than just a… change.

it starts off simple; megumi’s brows furrowing when you ask him a question—something about his teacher, or what kind of drink he wants in his lunch that day—and then forget what you’ve just said as soon as he answers.

tsumiki watching, smiling along idly, as you rub your temples, sighing with every other sentence and squeezing your eyes tight like you’ll be able to wake up if you try hard enough.

and satoru noticing when you linger in your room a bit longer, as the days pass. staring when you freeze looking at the wall in the morning, zoning out so hard that he has to shake you back to life.

just an accumulation of things that might indicate that something is up.

but as these moments—moments when you’re lost in your head, trying to conceal your entire being from all of them, and pretending that it’s all normal—increase, the three of them learn a little something about observing.

and lying to themselves, of course.

eventually, though, when megumi or tsumiki inevitably say something—usually when you’re not in the room, off hiding somewhere—satoru just shrugs.

(he’s going to lie his way through this, just like everything else, thank you).

“it’s a bad day,” he’ll say, like the two children will comprehend that. like they don’t know what a bad day means. “she’s just tired.”

he could make a million excuses for you. oh, you didn’t get enough sleep last night. oh, you’ve only had one cup of coffee today. oh, the world is a truly terrible place and it’s only natural that it runs you down.

but he leaves them with the simplest of explanations, instead. maybe it’s his subtle way of denying that there’s anything wrong. that you could be upset about something. it doesn’t matter, anyway.

and tsumiki, ever so trusting of all of you, listens to him. if satoru says that you’re okay, then so does she. she’ll draw you a picture at school or try to help you make their lunches in the morning, but you’re fine. her questions end with an answer.

megumi, on the other hand, has never believed a word that satoru has said.

so when the older man swears that you’re okay, that they don’t need to worry, megumi only begins to worry harder.

he sees that look on your face when you walk in the room, and megumi knows. maybe it’s because he’s the most attuned to you, out of everyone, in particular. maybe it’s because he’s observant, or too worrisome for his age (as you tell him).

but he knows.

and if satoru says one thing, megumi’s going to believe the other.

(plus the two of you have always had a symbiotic relationship. you worry about him, and he worries about you. you laugh at him, and he gives a little lip twitch in return).

so satoru is not surprised when megumi brings it up for the fourth time in a week.

“you want me to what, exactly?”

“you can talk to them, can’t you?” he repeats, giving satoru a bland look. something like ‘are you serious.’ “they know you.”

satoru snorts. “i don’t think my bosses will appreciate me telling them what they can or can’t do.”

megumi gives him another look.

and yeah, so satoru already does that. they still don’t appreciate it.

he sighs, smiling at the boy. anything to mess with him, really. he ruffles megumi’s hair. “kid, she’s fine. i can’t just tell them to give her a couple of weeks off. there has to be a reason. and,” he adds, cheerfully. “i’ve been told it’s impolite to speak on someone’s behalf without their input.”

“you don’t care about being polite,” megumi argues, crossing his arms.

satoru groans internally. he’s really not going to let this go.

it’s not that satoru necessarily disagrees, but anything he does to help you is going to be refuted with a “butt out,” or “leave me alone, satoru.”

“true,” he says, grinning as he mocks the boys stance. “but i do care about being yelled at. particularly by your mother.”

“she needs a break.”

satoru rolls his eyes. “she’s getting one. the next couple of days are free, and she’s taking a nap right now.”

megumi frowns, even deeper than usual, and stares satoru down until he breaks.

“megumi,” the man groans, childishly, pushing the boy out of the room. “you don’t need to worry about her. chill out. just go back to reading about rocks or whatever you were doing.”

“it’s geology.”

satoru waves a hand, indifferent.

(secretly trying to come up with a way to get you to talk to him. he can’t ask because you’ll just ignore him. he can’t force it out of you because that would get the two of you nowhere.

what other options are left, really? you’ve put satoru in a terrible position).

“then can we get something, instead?” megumi asks, almost pleading. “flowers, or… whatever girls like.”

“y/n already has flowers. i bought them.”

“buy something else.”

“who taught you to be this stubborn?”

megumi only scowls at him.

satoru sighs, scratching his head. he knows he should do something—but he’s so used to sitting around and waiting for you to fix everything.

yes, he does recognize that it’s a terrible habit, and completely unfair. he also recognizes that he is the worst person in the world.

eventually he sighs. “okay. how about i order dinner?” he asks, almost wincing. it’s the most natural response—everything can be fixed with food, in satoru’s sophisticated opinion. “that’ll be easy. want to go ask mom what she wants?”

megumi practically runs to your room, leaving satoru with no time to remind him that you’re probably asleep, knocking just briefly—from what satoru can hear—before going in.

he tip-toes up to the door, also wanting to check in.

satoru is nothing if not nosy.

and he might as well let megumi do all of the dirty work.

“um, i don’t care,” he hears you saying. “whatever you guys want.”

“it’s for you.”

there’s a pause. then, “really, megs, i’m not very hungry, so…”

megumi is frowning down at you when satoru steps in.

“good nap?” he asks, smiling and sitting at the edge of your bed.

“you don’t need to get dinner. it’s my turn.”

he waves a hand. “i feel like takeout.”

you frown, about to argue when megumi speaks up, glancing between the two of you with an almost furious expression.

“what’s wrong?” he asks, his voice soft but mad. like usual. satoru realizes that he’s been tricked into contributing to this.

“what?”

“why are you upset?”

“upset?” you repeat, eyes widening. “i’m not upset, megu—“

“are you sick?”

“no,” you say, immediately. “i’m just a little tired but it’s—“

“megumi,” satoru interrupts, trying to ignore the almost hurt look on your face—the glance you send his way, pleading and worried. he knows you hate this the most. “let’s let mom sleep some more, okay? tsumiki and you can decide what you want—“

“no.”

and neither of you can argue, or console the confused boy, before he’s climbing into your bed with a determined look on his face.

satoru tried to grab on to him, but megumi is having none of that, shaking him off before he can get a good grip. you’re looking at satoru anxiously, and this is the worst.

if satoru knows anything about you, it’s that you don’t want to be coddled. you don’t want to accept any help, even if it’s from your sweet, concerned son.

“megumi—“ you say, though, satoru notes, don’t make any attempts to move him when he struggles to get under the covers with you, or when he just sits by your side, barely touching you.

“i’m staying here.”

“really, bud, i’m okay. you don’t need to worry about me.”

“you’re sad.”

“i’m not.”

megumi looks at you, and satoru watches as you both share a glance. an internal conversation he’ll never get to be apart of.

for once in his life he’s not even jealous about it.

“it’s…” you say, but the two boys watch as your shoulders slack and your face drops. all at once, you lose color, life, and just sit there. “it’s fine.”

you say it to them, but it sounds more like a reminder to yourself.

satoru’s face falls. he has no idea what to say, what to do to help you—he’s spent so much time denying that there was anything wrong, that he could do anything to help, and now he’s got no answers.

he feels like an idiot, sitting there. megumi shouldn’t be taking more initiative, he should be the one worrying about you, the one to go to—

megumi doesn’t say anything though. he only moves closer to you, not complaining when your arm wraps around his shoulder and you hold him to you.

like a life vest. a support in all of the vastness.

he doesn’t need to say ‘it’s okay,’ or ‘i’m here for you,’ for the words to ring out across the the air.

and, satoru realizes, quickly, he’s only doing what you do for them. what you do best.

climbing in beside them and making sure they know that they’re not alone. being that support, no matter how unwanted.

megumi’s learned from the best.

“sorry,” you mutter to him. “i know im gross.”

megumi shakes his head and settles into you even further. and the boy doesn’t cuddle—or, at least, without being forced—but your face softens as he leans against you, allowing this kind of intimacy.

and, maybe, satoru thinks, that’s the problem with all of you.

no one knows quite what to say. what to do to help someone with something that they can’t understand. neither he or megumi is sure how to dig you out of this hole.

none of you are very good with words.

but, at least, satoru knows how to be good at this.

he sets his glasses on your bedside table, and he moves you both over with ease, smiling when you both grunt at his intrusion.

and then you’re a tower of people, all leaning against one another. building blocks stacked on top of each other.

you relax into satoru almost instantly and he kisses the top of your head, feeling some sort of pride—just at the fact that you’ll let him be here, with you.

maybe that’s the thing with families, he thinks. no one needs to say anything for it to be okay.

and the uneasiness sits there with all of you. the past couple of weeks—the distancing and disassociating—linger there.

there’s nothing he can say to make everything all better. he could destroy the entire world right now, save for your house, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

but this is nice. a hug might not fix everything, but it won’t make anything worse

and after a minute or two, you say: “where’s tsumiki?”

and she peeks her head out from your door, smiling at all three of you. it takes her three seconds to jump on the bed, having been waiting there the whole time, the final piece to your messed up puzzle.

[vroomvroomcircuit]

Drive all Night

(A/N): This is inspired by the song "Call your mom" by Noah Kahan.

Summary: Max is worried about the sudden shift in his best friends behavior. But he is willing to drive all night to get to the root of the problem.

Pairing: Max Verstappen x fem!reader (little childhood friends to lovers on the side with angst/hurt to comfort)

Warnings: Association to Max's shitty childhood, reader has depression/a depressive episode, implicit mentions of suicide, listen to the song and you get the vibe

Wordcount: 2.4k

🏎Masterlist🏎 ________________________

Max Verstappen is not a big worrier. Actually, he is no worrier at all.

When there is something to worry about, he just changes it. If he can’t change it, it’s out of his area of responsibility, so he doesn’t have to worry about it.

Thinking like that helped him focus through great challenges. But his mindset wasn’t the only motivator. Through all his highest highs and lowest lows, his best friend has been right next to him, either cheering him on or being the shoulder to cry on he just needed.

(Y/N) and him befriended each other in kindergarten, having felt this unexplainable pull to each other. Ever since playing with Legos together for the first time they had been inseparable if they could help it.

Of course, as they got older and Max’s career in karting took off and (Y/N) had to focus more on school, they started to shift to calling and texting more than relying on in person talking. But that didn’t stop them staying best friends. One might even argue that through their 24/7 updates to each other, they grew even closer.

Meeting in person in their adulthood had become increasingly easier. Sometime (Y/N) travels with Max to several races back to back, being blessed with a remote working job.

The young man starts to suspect something isn’t going smoothly during one of their daily face time calls with her being in her dark bedroom and him in a hotel room halfway across the world. “But enough of how annoying these marketing things are. What did you do today? Except for work of course.” Max just finished another yapping season about the last challenge the social media teams had him participate in.

(Y/N) just shrugs her shoulders while focusing on a loose thread in her shirt. “Nothing much. I reread pride and prejudice.” Max halts a bit in his rummaging through his suitcase, being on the look out for his charger. “I thought you had plans for lunch with a friend? And didn’t you read through that book last week already? You do know that no matter how often you read it, the ending will stay the same.” He jokes a bit.

While still not shifting her gaze towards the phone screen, (Y/N) answers in mumbles. “I canceled on her. I really felt icky today, but we will try to set up another meet up some time next week or so.”

At first Max doesn’t think of it as much. Everyone feels not like socializing every one in a while. But then something else changes. The frequency of their calls and texts.

“...here we can do- Max? Are you even listening to me?” Max gets caught off guard by that question. GP was going over some points with him before starting FP2. “Oh, uhm, sorry GP. Gimme three seconds, I just want to reply to (Y/N). It seems like she didn’t have a great day and I just want to make sure she’ll be alright until I’m out of the car.”

This makes his race engineer raise his eyebrows. “Oh, what happened?” “I don’t know. But she is rewatching one of her comfort shows for the third time in two weeks.” He blinks at the Dutchman. “And in what way is that concerning?”

Okay, voicing his worrisome thoughts out loud like that makes Max realize that the signs are not too obvious for outsiders. But he is talking about his best friend. The person that always makes sure that he won’t go without his needed amount of sleep. The same person he had been having phone calls that resulted in four out of the last seven nights with him getting not more than 5 hours of sleep, if that at all.

For an outsider it doesn’t seem bad for (Y/N) to reread the same books and rewatch the same shows over and over again. Or having her best friend, the person she became emotionally most dependent on, talk with her through her nights.

But for Max, it raises red flags. It hits his alarm bells, ringing out loud that something is majorly wrong. He can’t put his finger on it, not just yet. He is still looking for a way to get her to tell him what is bothering her.

There is a certain uneasiness to Max during that entire race weekend. He is just itching to seat his ass on a plane on his way back to his (Y/N), a friend that he might harbor more than just platonic feelings for. A person that had his back all the time.

To the person he loves the most, that is also struggling the most right now.

He wants to be able to pay her back for all the times she stuck through his darkest times.

But something in him is scared that he isn’t able to get to her in time. “Didn’t you want to go out with a colleague of yours for drinks last night?” Max asks into the phone while speed walking through the airport. Ever since leaving his hotel room on this fine Monday morning, he has been on a phone call with (Y/N).

A sigh greets his ears. “I wanted to, but I didn’t feel like dressing up or sharing a space with a bunch of strangers. I just ordered some food in and watched your race.”

There is another red flag. (Y/N) maybe was never a big socializer to begin with, but she liked going out every now and then. But for a couple of weeks now the only thing Max gets to hear about plans is that she canceled them.

Listening to her just cutting contact with the outside world like that, it doesn’t only worry him. It’s not even scary. It terrifies him.

The two of them continue talking the whole plane ride until (Y/N) falls asleep. Even then Max doesn’t hang up. He still lets the call continue, not wanting her to wake up and feel alone. She doesn’t deserve to feel alone.

No one does. But especially not her.

When he was in karting, some kids gave him grief for winning most of the time. It was difficult for little Max to understand. So do people not want him to win?

It became more confusing to him since some people around him wanted him to win desperately. It hurt him, not understanding the difference of who wanted his best and who wanted to see him fail.

He felt isolated from his peers, especially those who should understand under what pressure he was, because they must feel the same. Right?

During these days, where he rather stopped driving in circles in a very fast manner and just continued playing football, (Y/N) was his only footing. She talked him out of ending his career in motorsport. She painted a picture of his future in the prettiest colors with her words. She gave him something to look forward during these trying times.

And when it got harder before it got easier, she held his hand and reminded him that she will always stay by his side.

Now it’s Max’s turn to show her that he will always stay by her side.

He opens the door to her apartment slowly, trying to make the least noise possible.

Every room is shrouded in what must feel to her like a never ending darkness. The blinds are drawn in front of every window, hindering the tiniest bit of sunlight to filter through. Even to Max it feels like the despair that is in the air will never stop. It is all consuming.

He tiptoes towards her bedroom. There she lays, illuminated by the low light of his phone screen. Curled up tight under a bunch of blankets and between a mountain of pillows and stuffed animals.

The MV lion, the first one that has ever been produced, the original prototype before giving the go for mass production, is held tightly and close to her chest. It pulls on his heartstrings, seeing the comfort it must have brought her while he was absent.

Max kneels down at the head of the bed, gently shaking her awake. “Schatje, come on. Wake up. We got a day of new adventures just in front of us outside the door.”

It’s something they started to say in elementary school. They once read a book in class with the premise that every day is the start to a new adventure. You just have to welcome it in. Back then, when inviting something unknown in your life was considered exciting, not scary or life changing.

“The adventures can wait a day longer.” She mumbles and turns around, trying to shake his hand on her shoulder off. But Max is having none of it.

“The darkness is fooling you. Every light that has been turned off can be turned on.” He gets up and opens the blinds. Sunlight floods the room, and even at the messiest state the young man has seen his best friend, she still is the most beautiful woman on earth to him

(Y/N) lets out a noise of unpleasantness. “Please Max, I can’t deal with it today.”  “No, you will. We are going to deal with it, whatever this it is, together.” He marches over to her dresser and produces a clean set of clothes out of thin air. That is what it looks like to her in this mess at least.

“You are going to shower. After that we will take a drive with no destination.” His words are final and in a tone that makes the young woman drag her limbs and body out of the bed and trudge towards the bathroom, even when the unwillingness is evident by her groaning.

Hearing the shower is Max’s cue to sit down and take a deep breath. He doesn’t know what he expected, but seeing the light of life missing in (Y/N)’s eyes isn’t on that list. It feels like a punch to his gut, witnessing her wither away without knowing from what.

It doesn’t take long and they both sit in the car. A drive without destination is exactly what it says. Just Max driving with (Y/N) sitting in the passenger seat. Usually they used these trips to catch up, to talk about everything and nothing. To voice big philosophical thoughts and dumb brain farts. They started this tradition, that usually includes some sort of fast food, when Max got his drivers license.

But sitting in complete silence for five minutes straight. That is something new.

“You know,” Max breaks it after another seven minutes. “Not talking about it won’t make the problem go away. It also doesn’t hinder it in its existence. Instead it will just get heavier and heavier until you break under the weight.” His dry tone isn’t something she anticipated.

(Y/N) looks out the window, seeing the colorful sunset for the first time in weeks. It’s easy to forget the beauty of the world when your inside thoughts feel like a graveyard. “I don’t want to worry you.”

That admission nearly has the Dutchman emergency breaking in the middle of a street through the fields. “So you play cat and mouse with your feelings because you don’t want to worry me?” (Y/N) nods.

Max lets out a laugh. “So what exactly makes you think that me witnessing you just becoming a shell of who you once were won’t worry me?”

She shrugs. (Y/N) didn’t expect him to catch that something feels wrong in her.

“Schatje. I will always worry about you, You are too important to me to not worry about you. Seeing you wither away in yourself, it made me scared going out on these tracks, sitting down in the car, and wondering if you still breathe while I’m driving another mile. Not knowing what you feel, that worries me more than the truth. Because then we can work on getting you better together. But when you don’t let me in, I can’t help and feel like by just standing and witnessing without intervening that I’m at fault for anything that happens to you. It hurts more seeing you hurting than knowing what you hurt from.”

She turns towards Max, mustering his side profile. She hasn’t thought about how her actions are perceived by her surroundings. (Y/N) just fell into that hole of darkness unexpectedly. While sitting at the bottom of that somber pit, she thought that trying to reach out for help would mean another person gets pulled into it.

If there was one person she doesn’t want sitting next to her in that dark hole, then it is Max. She harbors too much love and affection for him to want him to suffer the same fate as her. So not talking about her darkest thoughts seemed like the best way of keeping him far away from the hole.

But it just drew him in closer.

(Y/N) finally sees what he saw the whole time.

“You know, it’s hard to explain what happened. It takes time to really understand what goes on in me right now.” Max puts a reassuring hand on her leg. “We have all night to talk about it. Help me help you. Let us find a strategy to get you better. May it be medication, meditation, punching me or falling in love with someone. I need you to find a reason to stay with me, physically and mentally.”

She puts a hand over hers and looks Max in the eye for the first time since he arrived. “I already fell in love.”

He doesn’t need to hear more.

Max keeps his promise. He drives through the night, holding (Y/N) to the best of his ability while she cries, curses and explains.

By that not everything is picture perfect again. But it’s the first step. The first one to a future they both want to share with each other. For now and ever, that is enough motivation for (Y/N) to keep going, to continue turning every light on that was off.

[aureliqs]

Burn-Out

Pairing : Remus Lupin x f!Reader

fluff, comfort, some angst I suppose

Warnings : Burn-Out, depressive episode, anxiety, feelings of emptiness etc. Heavy topic

I want to help, to comfort and give hope to everyone who sadly had to experience (still is experiencing ) this like me <3

Content: Your boyfriend Remus decides to say something about the state you’ve been living in, as he is extremely worried about you.

Authors note: This one is a comfort story based on my own experiences, so you might experience burn out or any other mental health struggles very differently. Your experiences are valid. You deserve to rest and heal. Take breaks. Nothing is as important as your health and happiness! I know it’s hard, but it’s worth it <3 (I’m still learning that too :3)

The finals are killing you. There is no other way to describe it. No time to waste. You’ve got a study plan to use your time efficiently, and if you stick to it you might even get ahead of it too. Everything’s going according to plan. Still, you don’t really feel anything anymore. You don’t think you even really have time to feel. You’re always up in your head thinking about what to do next. Every point crossed from your to do list gives you this rush of adrenaline, only to instantly feel empty after ready to chase the next high.

Reading a romance book before bed, while giggling and slightly swinging your feet happend less and less. Even if you wanted to, there’s just no energy left at the end of the day, or any time of the day if you were honest. Besides, what’s the point of reading anything like that. It’s not really useful in any way. Entertainment isn’t helping you with the finals.

Yeah, it’s just not “useful”

That has become your main excuse if you were honest deep deep down, but you aren’t. How could you ever be? There is just no time. If it isn’t potions, it’s charm. If it isn’t charms then it’s transfiguration. There is always something.

Something to avoid thinking. Now it’s just doing. Doing what you’re supposed to do.

Piece by piece it chipped away your personality. At first it wasn’t as apparent. No one noticed, especially not you. Gradually though, you’ve become an empty shell of the person you used to be. There’s no use in these things, like reading, drawing or just having a chat with people.

Even if you wanted to chat with others, you didn’t have a lot of energy. Can’t say you haven’t tried for their sake, to not disappoint or worry anyone. Still, you’re just different.

Not yourself.

But also not anyone else.

You just became empty.

You weren’t always… but you are now.

Your friends stopped asking you to hang out, as you’ve always declined anyways. They just assume your always to busy for them. The marauders also stopped chatting up with you from time to time, since you were always liked up in homework, and no one dared to disturb you. Especially since you got very snappy most of the time.

Your boyfriend Remus was the first one to grow really worried though. Your date rate dropped slowly but surely down. The random chats about each other’s life’s declined as well. Everything is just so serious now. What hurt Remus the most though was that you stopped laughing. By Godric you even stopped smiling. It was Remus most favourite thing in the world. Seeing you happy. It just stopped. You just stopped being you.

Remus and you studied together in the library a lot. You still do that now, but even that changed. It’s barely chatting now, as you’re always so sunken into the topic you’re studying. You barely listen, and give shorter responses than ever before. After studying, you usually rush to do the next thing on your to do list.

Remus misses you.

Remus misses the actual you.

Once again, Remus and you were piled up with books in the library late at night. You were all alone, as most people would rather sleep this late. Not you, you were focused on your goals, and Remus tried supporting you. As you were scribbling down on your paper, lost in thought, Remus finally had it. He couldn’t bear it anymore. Missing you is one thing, but seeing you this miserable was another. Another thing he’s not able to tolerate.

“Y/n?” He muttered. He looked to his left, where you set next to him still lost in thought.

“Y/n?” Remus repeated. You came to your senses and looked at him, fairly confused.

“Yeah, what is it Rem?” You looked blank, waiting for a response.

Remus looked deeply into your eyes. “I am really worried about you y/n. You’re always stressed. You don’t enjoy anything anymore. You’re always tired. There’s no happiness left in you.”

This hit you like a train. You just thought to yourself after the finals everything will be alright. This is just a phase. Now, it hit you. You’re not okay. You look at Remus, frozen in anxiety. You don’t know what to do, or even say. You’re stuck in freeze.

Remus goes on “please, we can talk about everything. I can help you. I miss you so much. I don’t even know who you are anymore. You don’t laugh, by Godric you don’t even smile anymore. I’m just so worried.” The last sentence came out all wobbly, like he was choking back tears himself.

That made you realise how much your behaviours where not just impacting you, but also him and likewise your friends. Everything that made you happy you’ve chipped away yourself. It was all in favour of a “greater good”, your achievements. But was it really for the greater good? Or did you just sacrifice yourself?

Tears starting to form in your eyes. The growing feeling of sadness in your chest was growing heavy. So, so heavy. Everything you’ve repressed lately boiled up all at once. You never took time to look at your feelings once, since you could always distract yourself with more things to do. It’s like a rabbit hole. You go deeper and deeper, until you realise how incredibly deep you actually are.

Tears started streaming down your face.

You’ve felt them running down your cheeks, to the point where they even dropped down your chin and onto your clothes.

Remus eyes widened in shock. To him this reaction made it all the more serious. You were suffering silently. Drowning in this ongoing state of stress. Working day and night to keep down the pain you were feeling behind your achievements.

Remus put his arm around you, and pulled you in close. His other hand found its way behind your hand, gently pulling you into his chest.

As more tears streamed down your face, all you could produce was a wobbly” I’m sorry… I’m so so sorry…”

“Don’t worry… you’re not alone. I should have said something earlier.” Remus stroked over your back, while giving you a kiss on your head. Regrets filled Remus heads, about how far he let you go down this hole. You just can’t look into someone’s head.

“I’ve been so anxious about the finals. I thought if I do enough I can make it.” You continued to sob.

“I understand, I really do y/n. You’re not alone”

“I just feel like I need to do all of this. If I don’t, I will fail.”

“Y/n..” Remus looked deeply into your eyes. He has the most compassionate eyes you’ve ever seen. “You’re more than what you achieve. People love you for who you are. The way you speak, the way you laugh, the way you are”

Remus always had a way with words. What he said felt like it reached the depths of your heart.

“We’ve been missing you. I’ve been missing you.”

“Thank you Remus. I’ve been missing you too” you replied while a tear was rolling down your cheek.

“I love you”

You felt something. Love. Love for your boyfriend who tried to hard to help you.

“I love you too”

You forgot how it is to feel. You forgot to just be, and not plan every next thing to do. You’ve missed to live in the here and now with Remus.

“I promise I won’t let you alone with this.”

“It’s just so hard. How to I even begin to…to be less stressed.” Your voice was still shivering. You felt so fragile.

“I’m not exactly sure either, but we’ll figure it out on the way” Remus grinned at you. This smile could melt the entire North Pole, but right now it just melts your heart.

You just nodded, still processing everything that just happened.

“For starters, let’s go to sleep. No ones studying besides us right now, and to be fair we seem quite nuts to do so”, Remus said with a chuckle.

You’ve laughed. You’ve laughed again. His sarcastic remarks were always the best. Maybe you didn’t loose yourself after all.

“You’re very much right” you gave back with a slight smile.

Remus saw you smiling again. He couldn’t contain his excitement.

“See y/n, you’re smiling again”. His sweet grin broadened. “ I know we can fix this together.”

Remus kissed you on the cheek. After that, you’ve started packing up your things to go back ti your dorms.

As you are walking down the halls, you decide to ask Remus something. “Can I sleep at your dorm tonight? I don’t want to be alone.”

Remus was more than happy to do so, especially since the lack of couple time was eating him alive. “Of course honey, but I warn you. James, Sirius and Peter haven’t cleaned up the room. To be fair, I haven’t really either”

You just laughed.

“I really don’t mind. I didn’t expect anything else Rem.”

You’ve both got ready, and laid down in Remus’ bed. All the other marauders were deep asleep, and to be fair very heavy sleepers. James only rolled around once, when you kicked a lamp on the floor, which gave Remus a heart attack.

As you looked at Remus in the darkness of the dorm room, you could only feel so thankful to have him in his life. Finally, you felt some of your feelings return. It’s still a long way to go but you were sure with Remus by your side, you’ll make it.

You kissed Remus, and just started at him for a second longer.

“Remus, I love you”

“I love you too, y/n”. Good night”

“Good night”

A yawn creeps it”s way up to you. After that you cuddle up to Remus. You drift away in mere minutes, and finally get the rest you deserve

Once again, take care of yourself. Take breaks. You deserve to rest <3

I hope you all enjoyed this. Leave me other writing prompts if you want to <3

[mysteryanimator]

Myst rambles about animation longer then they should + their love for Nocturne whoops

I keep thinking about the animation industry as of late again, all the layoffs, all the animators looking for jobs. So I might just be speaking to a void right now. I have not experienced any of the drought so I just may look doe-eyed trying to break into a disaster zone but I’m just here to offer that newbie perspective, as naive as it may seem. I’m gonna try and keep this short (whoops a lie) but if you can see where this is going, this is just going to be me talking about the impact Nocturne has on me, aka rewriting the abhorrent Twitter thread/Instagram post where I free-formed without checking my grammar. 

As someone who is pursuing animation, I have watched A LOT of animated shows growing up, I swear it was the only medium I did watch growing up. I made scuffed animatics and animations of the current show I was watching, not realizing they counted as love letters to the media. Yet, the animation industry scared me. It was so elusive and mysterious. The bar seemed too high, even when I decided to choose to study it at university. It seemed so out of reach.

Until Nocturne. 

Castlevania Nocturne practically humanized the industry to me. These people were fans of their own creations. They breathe life into them. All the character sheets that popped into my timeline, the rough cuts, all the silly memes. Something that seemed impossible became possible within an instant. My skills at the time were not what they are now by any means, hell even now I could be better, but, I looked at that show and went “I can do that. If they can do it, maybe there’s a chance I could do something like that.” I think it helps I am at a stage of my life where I can consciously consume content and have the ability to break it down.

Also, let's be so honest, it's combined with the fact that I fell in love with Mizrak and Olrox's plot... you get a very insane person. Passionate but insane. Who spends their entire day going frame by frame reanalysing 10 minutes of an episode? ME. Despite this, I have learned so much more than all my years at university have given me. I have become a genuinely better animator and a better artist. My understanding of animation finally clicked. I knew I was built for animation but didn’t know how I fit into it. I’m constantly on YouTube, absorbing information from YouTube channels like Dong Chang, wandering around Discord Sakuga servers/twitter, and taking notes. I'm still worried about bothering other people in the industry/more technically skilled than me but I think I'm getting slowly better and going "Hey I love your work! How did you achieve x/y/z? OH!? Can you explain what this means?" because again, these are just people like you and me.

So every single Mizrak and Olrox animation I’ve made has not only been a love letter to the show, and crew of people who put their heart and soul into making this, but these animations have been a testament to my skills. Take it like a capsule of how I’m improving every month. I will admit I sometimes get weirded out of the fan content I make, albeit a combination of low confidence, and imposter syndrome, and now my animation style has just become very synonymous with the nocturne style. These ‘cons’ however do get outweighed by the pros of it all. Finally finding a style that I find goes hand in hand with my illustration style (and I can't wait to see how I can evolve it into my own) and the bouts of self-doubt are vast and temporary. I am super grateful that I can look at my work in times of doubt and go “Literally anything is possible, let me put on a show that explores this certain animation principle/story beat in a particular way, and let me study it!"

It's super embarrassing to admit but Nocturne has genuinely changed the trajectory of my life. I am genuinely a whole new person with such a different outlook on animation because of this show. Yes, I am creative through and through, you cannot separate that from my blood, but Nocturne solidified that “You are exactly where you need to be”. The industry is in shambles, with people now reaching a year+ jobless, and contracts are ending, yet, if Nocturne genuinely wasn’t released at the end of September, I do not think any of this would've clicked.

(Backed up by the very fact I am/was directing a short and running a genuine studio when Nocturne came out. I was very unconfident at the time and doubted myself a lot in private since it was my first time doing any of this. This show helped me solidify a new perspective on how to run things! How to be a stronger animator!)

Now again, this is such a crazy thing to say now. I'm watching people from the show I love have their contracts ending/being laid off since last year. I swear every second tweet on my tl is of an animator desperately looking for a job or on the verge of giving up. Me, Mystery, is an animator with no skin in the game, so I don't truly know what the Western animation industry looks like from the inside besides what I get from social media. Let’s be honest, for all you know, I just animate two characters kissing constantly. That is merely the surface of its impact. HEY, I MAY DELETE THIS B4 ANYONE SEES BECAUSE THIS IS KINDA EMBARASSING, the industry sucks right now. People are losing their jobs, so what I’m saying may not matter, but also I think it does maybe? I think this is just a unique perspective to where people are losing faith and hope in the animation, I re-sparked my thanks to Nocturne. Who knows, I may lose this spark as I go further into trying to break into the industry once I'm out of uni, but I’ll take what I have now and ride this new bout of inspiration and creativity. I want to tell stories. I want to bring life to still images. I know it's possible because Nocturne exists. These are real people who exist, who put their love and care into this show. Passion like that is inspiring.

I also somehow can't escape these people reading this, so if you have made it this far- thank you for making this show the way you have! Thank you to all the people both still in it and to others who have had to part with Nocturne. I will admit I have gone through the credits and made sure I could try and learn from everyone's work despite how unique/different each role is.

I hope my grammar is better than last time HAHAH, the technicality of English isn't a strong suit of mine but fingers crossed that the ideas/content are still passable.

[gallierhouse]

So after reading Sam’s words we are supposed to believe Lestat’s apology was true? I mean, I think he came to take his revenge on them and he wanted them killed, so Idk exactly how truthfull he was or if this was just a s1ep6 situation, Lestat apologizing but not changing a bit and continue to being a top notch liar and dick,Louis doesn’t seem to believe him so idk what to think

Lestat’s apology was real. He loved Louis. He didn’t want to hurt Louis, but he did. The apology was real. It’s just that his words are worth nothing. What is an apology worth when it’s already done? It doesn’t take anything back, it doesn’t change anything. Being sorry, loving someone, even loving someone more than life itself, isn’t contradictory to cruelty. You can love someone and do terrible things. You can do terrible things and still be sorry. Lestat wouldn’t have hurt Louis like that if he didn’t love him. He did it because he was frustrated that Louis rejected his affection for the last seven years to worry about Claudia instead. It’s envy, spite, and hurt. Emotions that only arise from love for someone. And he is sorry, really. Like he said, he broke Louis because he couldn’t have him. Possessive, territorial, cruel, selfish, but still love. You really only react that violently if you love someone. It’s a rational response. Cruel, but rational. If I can’t have you, no one can. I’m punishing you for not loving me enough. I’m anguished that I’m not enough for you, and it hurts so much I’d rather hurt you than let anyone else have you. I want you, and you don’t want me, so I’m punishing you for not wanting me enough. In the trial, Lestat is genuinely hurt and sorry. He’s hurt that he was pushed to that point, he’s hurt that he was that cruel, he’s hurt because he’s hurt Louis, he’s hurt because he regrets it. It’s a selfish apology, but it’s still real. He really is sorry. It’s just that sorry means nothing when you drop someone out of the sky.

Re: Sam, he’s an actor. He’s paid to play Lestat. Every actor is in their character’s corner because you have to empathize with a character and understand their motivations to play them well. That doesn’t mean Sam excuses Lestat’s actions or that he believes Lestat is a good person; it means that he’s an actor employed to do his job. He would be worse at his job if he couldn’t empathize with Lestat and justify his actions. Lestat’s a complicated character; he’s not one-note sadism and abuse and nothing more. Understanding his complication and how his love, insecurity, devotion, and sensitivity to rejection drive him to violent abuse is key to playing Lestat well.

Finally, I don’t think this was Lestat’s revenge. When Louis asks him if this is his revenge he looks genuinely hurt. It’s probably a more complicated than the episode let on. The thing is, Louis is the love of Lestat’s life. Everything he does he does from love of Louis. That’s the fucked up part. It’s not that he doesn’t love Louis. If he loved Louis less, he wouldn’t hurt him. If he loved Louis more, he wouldn’t hurt him. But he loves Louis just enough for all that love and hurt to become cruelty and possessiveness and desperation. It’s sad. If he can’t have something he breaks it. It’s the psychology of a child. He cuts the wings off butterflies so they can’t fly away. He ruins them by trying to keep them. He realizes that in the trial, and so he’s sorry. He’s sorry for being selfish. He’s sorry for being cruel. He’s sorry for not loving Louis enough. He’s sorry for making himself a monster. Maybe he even resents Louis for pushing him to that point. It’s not Louis’ fault, but he was the cause. Sometimes want twists into madness. It hurts Lestat that he went that far. It hurts Lestat that he hurt the one person he was supposed to care for unconditionally. His lover, his fledgling. And the apology is still worth nothing. It’s worth nothing. What good is an apology when it’s already done?

[icee133]

Hi! This is part 7 of the ongoing Marionette series (yes I've decided to call it a series). Remember when I said part 6 was the longest? Lol nah it's this 1 now. Have fun! Sorry for any writing errors 🤍🤍

If you would like to be added to taglist let me know!

The Marionette

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7🤍

Word count for this part: 2875. Enjoy!👻👻

Synapsis:

A new overlord has manifested in hell seemingly overnight. One that overpowered many if not all of the current overlords in all the right ways. Will this overlord use her powers for good to help the members of the hotel? Will she fall in love with a man and end up in a loving gentle relationship? Or will she get her heart broken and turn against them all, burning each bridge she meticulously made. 

The Marionette is a heart wrenching fic with many turns you won't see coming. Stay tuned for each of the episodes as they are released.

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Nette was walking down to the kitchen to prepare her and Lucifer’s dinner when she ran into Charlie. “Hey I need to talk to you… alone, quietly…please” Nette turned to her realizing Charlie seemed a little jostled and nervous. “What’s going on?” She couldn’t help but ask. “Just please follow me.” Charlie began pulling at nette’s overcoat leading her down the hallway. Nette followed her a bit concerned due to the amount of emotions that seemed to be running through the princess’s mind. She gave off an aura of someone who was hopelessly terrified of whatever she was walking towards. Nette had become quite protective over Charlie in the time they had been living together at the hotel. She had begun to see her as a daughter of a sort. Always checking on her and listening to any worries that Charlie might have about the sinners and redemption plans. Nette had never seen Charlie like this. She was always positive and bubbly, lighting up every room she walked into with a sense of compassion and pride. The charlie in front of Nette wasn’t the one she was used to seeing. Nette could only assume the worst at this moment.

Charlie pulled Nette into a room and roughly shut the door behind them before locking it. Nette looked around the room. She spotted Vaggie standing by the bed, and upon further inspection saw a male laying in the center of it. One who looked strangely familiar yet Nette found herself being unable to place where she had seen him before. “Charlie, what is going on?” Nette asked carefully not wanting to assume anything, but fearing the worst. “Okay… so I need you to promise me you won’t tell anyone. Not until I can figure out how to tell them. Honestly I don’t even know how this happened, and when I realized what had happened I didn’t know who to tell. You always listen to me anytime something happens-“ “Charlie” “-and I know it’s probably a bad thing that I’m doing this, and hiding it too, but I can’t help it. I know that sinners deserve second chances, and I think it includes this one too. Despite everything that he has done I think he deserves a chance to change and-“ Nette interrupted her nervous rant to try and calm the situation. “CHARLIE! Take a breath. I’m not upset, just a bit confused. Why do you want me to not tell anyone? Tell me what’s happening, who is he?” Charlie looked at Nette then slowly turned towards the male still on the bed before walking towards him. Nette carefully followed her not wanting her to freak out again. “Ok.” Charlie took a deep breath before continuing “This is Adam. The first man Adam. The Angel who Nifty killed in the last extermination. I don’t understand how he’s here, but I’m guessing by the looks of it he is a sinner now.” Nette looked at the man laying on the bed. Caramel skin, brown hair, with a bit of facial stubble. He was tall, a bit on the chubby side -but still muscular- with horns protruding from his head. He had bright red wings, and wore a robe similar to the one Nette had seen the Angel wearing before only it was open. He had on a white shirt and black pants under it. Nette took a deep breath. Quickly trying to process the information she had just been given. This changed everything as they knew it. If a winner could fall, if a human soul that proved themselves worthy to be in heaven could fall to hell that would mean a sinner could rise to heaven. But this also means the chances of heaven helping them speak to a winner would plummet. If they found out that a soul with divine ordainment somehow fell and ended up in hell as a lowly sinner they would do everything in their power to shut down this operation. Who knows what they would do, who they would send to put a stop to it all. This was dangerous, extremely so. Nette realized Charlie was right. They had to be careful who they told and when, telling the wrong person could lead to angry sinners banging on the door of the hotel trying to kill the Angel who once hunted them for sport. Or worse, angry angels knocking on their door for ‘causing an Angel to fall from grace’.

“Is he alive?” Nette couldn’t help but ask the obvious considering the information they knew about nifty killing him. “Yes, but I don’t know how. He was killed by an angelic weapon.” “Okay we need to be careful, I was going to tell you about this later, but it seems a better time to do it now. I spoke with your dad about getting heaven to allow us to speak to a winner. He said he thinks it’s a good idea to at least try. With the idea of the possibility of a sinner having been redeemed before and them not telling us being a factor in the decision. We were worried that they might be a little iffy about allowing sinners to speak with a winner due to the fear of ‘corrupting a soul’, but now I’m sure they won’t let us if they find out the first soul in heaven is now a sinner in hell. But I don’t think this is something that can be hidden from the hotel members. Sooner or later they’ll find out, and I’m sure they are pissed due to this man being the very reason that member of the family you mentioned ended up dead. They will likely try to seek revenge on him for that, and you can’t blame them for it. After all, he took a friend from them.” Nette explained. “Okay so dad was okay with that idea, but…yeah you're right they will be upset and rightfully so. When I found him I was going to leave him there, but something inside me wouldn’t allow it. I’m beyond angry at him. We lost a member of our family in that fight because of him. But- I don’t know… I couldn’t just let him suffer, as much as I wanted to.” Charlie had started to tear up while talking about pentious. He was a good friend to them all.

“Okay, I think we should start with telling your dad.” Nette started before Charlie yelled out “NO!” Nette turned to her “As much as I’m sure you don’t want to Charlie, it’s for the best. Your dad is one of the only people who could protect the whole hotel if something happened. He cares about you a lot and I know he would hear you out if you talked to him about this.” She explained. “I know but I only recently got him back into my life, we started getting closer and I don’t want us to get pulled apart again over this. But I can’t just let him die out there, or worse end up selling his soul. He’s one of the only ones who has spent time- a lot of time- in heaven, he knows what winners need to do to get there. He’s seen the people who’ve made it into heaven and has seen the ones who ended up in hell. He’s valuable not just for being redeemed, but also for information. Just-“ “I understand. If you want I can talk to him about it. I’m sure he won’t want to hear it from me, but it’s probably better to let the idea slip into his mind before throwing him in the deep end about it.” Nette chuckled trying to lighten the mood despite the situation at hand. “Okay, yeah that’s a good idea maybe” Charlie laughed. “I’m supposed to have dinner with him tonight, I’ll bring it up to gauge his opinion on the matter. Test the waters.” Nette pointed at Adam “Keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn’t run out of here. Try to keep him hydrated and well… alive.” Nette said while walking towards the door. She grabbed the door handle when she heard Charlie say “you're eating with my dad?” “Yes, as friends. He often forgets to eat and when I offered to bring him food he asked if I’d join him so I said yes. Is that okay?” Nette was suddenly hesitant on the matter quickly realizing Charlie might not be okay with it due to their current relationship. “Yes, of course it is! I’m just happy he’s opening up a little more. And even more so that he’s doing it with you.” Charlie was smiling. Nette felt herself release the breath she didn’t know she was holding. “Oh, okay… yeah I’ll just- yeah? Nette was suddenly a bit flustered. Quickly trying to leave the room.

Nette walked out of the room quietly closing the door behind her before walking down the stairs towards the kitchen. She was stuck heavily in thought about how exactly she was going to tell the king of hell that the man who almost killed his daughter was now in hell, and his daughter was tending to him. And wanted him to stay in the hotel…to be redeemed. The very hotel he destroyed. The hotel he attacked. Yep that was going to be a blast to have to bring up. (sarcasm) Pushing aside those thoughts to focus on cooking she went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Luckily she had set aside some preparations for food that she had made a few days ago. So she could easily cook something for the two of them. She began pulling out the ingredients for the meal before noticing Angel walking into the hotel. Immediately Nette could feel that he was upset. The very way he carried himself told her that much. He was wearing big sunglasses that covered his face. She felt her blood boil at the very thought of the asshole moth demon that Angel called a boss putting his hands on her friend. She felt her worries about telling Lucifer about Adam quickly shift into worry about her friend who was obviously injured, but trying to hide it. Angel had walked towards the entry way into the kitchen silently. Not speaking to Husk or Cherri who were both seated at the bar alongside nifty.

“Angel.” Nette said as he went to pass by. “Yes toots?” Angel said, trying to sound like his usual cheery self. “Would you mind coming in here for a sec?” Nette could see his hesitation. Almost like he dreaded the thought of her trying to ask questions about what had happened. But Nette had learned a long time ago when it came to Angel she couldn’t ask him directly. If he wanted to talk about it he would come to her. She never wanted to push his boundaries about anything. Especially when she knew his boundaries were constantly being ignored when he was in the studio with Val. “Sure” he said before walking in and sitting at the kitchen island. “Do you want to talk about it now or later?” “Talk bout what?” Nette looked pointedly at Angel before deciding whether she would push him on the matter. Ultimately she decided she didn’t want to ask him directly as she could tell that would probably end poorly. “Why you’re wearing glasses when you never do. You’re hiding your pretty face Angel.” Angel looked towards her before sighing. Realizing Nette was one of the few people who he couldn’t hide things from. She could always see through him no matter how thick he tried to make his walls. He took off the glasses and placed them down on the island before facing Nette. As soon as he did Nette could see the deep purple bruise that circled his right eye. She immediately felt her blood boil. How her very fears from earlier had materialized right in font of her. She began thinking of 101 ways she could end that fuckers life as he fucking knew it. How she could kill him slowly with intent and make him rue the day he ever put a hand on Angel. She was deep in thought about offing a particular moth demon that she hadn’t realized Angel had started to cry. This was something Nette had only seen a few times. Upon them getting closer Angel got drunk and spilled everything about what was happening to Nette. All the way down to how he ended up in this situation due to falling in love with the moth demon, and thinking if he gave away his soul that he would be with him forever. In love. In a loving relationship, but that all changed almost immediately after signing away his soul with Val laughing in his face about love. Snapping back into reality at the sound of Angel’s sniffle, Nette immediately turned off the burner and removed the pot from the stove before walking around the counter and gently pulling Angel into a hug. Nette knew she could only offer so much comfort to the spider, but she’d rather offer some than ignore the way he felt and pretend he’s okay. She knew he always wore a mask. A mask to cover up his pain, his suffering, his anger, guilt, lies, fatigue, and even worse to hide his love. As he had been shown too many times in the past about what happens when you love someone. They become your weakness and having a weakness means someone can use it against you.

Nette let Angel cry into her shoulder. Listening to him try to speak in between sobs about what Val had done that day. About what Val had made him do that day. The words Angel said made Nette even more upset about the matter, but all she did was continue to hug him tight. Refusing to be the first to let go. After a bit Angel’s sobs turned to quieter sniffles. Cherri had walked into the kitchen seeing Angel upset and joined into the hug. She had seen him at his lows and highs. As he had done the same for her. As Angel calmed down a bit Nette could tell he was tired. Cherri offered to take him to bed after having a bath which he obliged to while attempting to apologize to Nette. Nette looked at him before gently telling him off “don’t you ever apologize to anyone for having feelings. You don’t ever have to apologize to me for feeling any way. Not even if you're sad, happy, angry, disgusted, fearful, anxious, or even surprised. You have every right to your feelings and have every right to express them.” She continued “ You hold onto too much. Try to let someone share the load. Think of your experiences like rocks. And you have a backpack. Each thing you go through adds a rock to your backpack. Some things are easier and add a rock the size of a pebble, others are harder and add a boulder. Either way holding things in causes your bag to fill up. And eventually the straps snap. No matter how strong you think your bag is, and how much you think you can carry, it will snap. And when it does you will blow up on someone. Someone you care about, and you’ll say something that you can’t take back. No matter how many times you try to, you can’t. Believe me I know. So express your emotions, and stop trying to carry everything on your own. Let your friends help you. You always try to help them so give them a chance to return the favor. Okay?” Nette smiled at him. “Ok, thank you” Angel sniffled “of course, go get cleaned up and head to bed. I can tell you're tired.” Cherri grabbed his hand and walked with Angel towards his room.

Once they had left Nette turned back towards the counter. She made her way back to the other side of the island. To in front of the pot before switching back on the stove going back to cooking. She sighed quietly to herself happy she was able to finally tell Angel something she had wanted to for awhile. She was smiling to herself before realizing she still had to talk to Lucifer about Adam. It was like whiplash how fast her mood changed. Before she realized it she had dropped her head down into her hands. She sighed to herself before deciding she would think about that later and just try to focus on cooking for now. She quickly found her mind wandering to how long it had been since she spoke to Lucifer, and she started worrying if he thought she had forgotten about dinner. She quickly finished up before plating everything and tried to start cleaning up the pots before nifty came in and shooed her away from it saying she would do it. Nette quickly thanked her. Deciding she would let her handle it without arguing she quickly picked up the plates and grabbed a bottle of wine from the bar fridge before walking up the stairs. Making her way back towards Lucifer’s office.

Taglist:

@popamolly @preciousbabypeter @amberforest08

[soujux]

How to Develop Side-Characters: A Guide by My School President

I’m a sucker for great writing. And although My School President doesn’t exactly have a groundbreaking plot, it just does everything completely right! This is a show that knows its genre and embraces it. It gives us great characters with real flaws without turning them into unlikeable people---which I find refreshing, because when was the last time I watched a show and didn’t hate a single character? 

I’ve been praising this series from the get-go, but I’d like to dwell a little bit more on EP7, also known as Yo’s catfishing adventure, because it does something that not every writer does right for BLs. At least, not much on the shows I’ve seen before. 

EP7 earns itself a new opening and closing. Particularly because this is a new arc, the second half of the show per se, and we can see this change in Tinn’s unhinged flirting. 24/7. Non-stop. As if he wasn’t struggling to make eye-contact with Gun in EP3.

For the most part, we see Gun as hesitant, more reluctant. He turns down most of Tinn’s advances, and we can understand where this is coming from. After all, it’s Gun who’s subjected to this no-dating policy, not Tinn. For all we know, the only thing keeping Gun and Tinn from being official boyfriends is that stupid club rule!

So, imagine my surprise when Gun said something akin to “love hinders dreams.” 

Specifically, Gun said, “Love is a dream’s worst enemy,” to which Tinn replied with “Do dreams carry any meaning without someone thou share them with?”

And in a way, it sums up to what EP7 will be all about, because even though this exchange was fleeting, it does change things.

The question was laid before us: does one become intemperate and distracted because of love? Is the club rule necessary?

Well, apparently, Gun thinks so. That’s why he doesn’t cross the line with Tinn in EP6, that’s why we see him barely giving Tinn the same enthusiasm since the episode began, and that’s why he doesn’t even try suggesting that maybe the rule is kinda stupid---maybe it’s so irrelevant---because he truly believes that that’s not the case at all. And we see him struggle through this turmoil.

The ambiguity of their relationship probably bothers him too. Although Tinn is utterly in love with him and literally made it his mission to remind Gun of the fact every second, Gun still easily gets jealous. More on that later. 

Yo.

This stupid little bean catfished Nook with Tinn’s picture. Unfortunately, this does happen in real life and it’s not flattering at all. However, Yo does a fairly good job at making us understand why he did that, and he also got a well-deserved slap (with two nipple attacks from Gun) and did that cute dance number with his BFFs to make it up to Nook. It doesn’t justify his actions, but he makes it easier to forgive him. 

Somehow, Yo and Gun are stuck in the same predicament here. Except, Gun is living his E2L while Yo is suffering from his star-crossed lovers trope. Nevertheless, both seeing someone in secret. 

Yo managed to alter the rule for just a small time, but that’s more impact than Gun and Tinn on that freaking rule since EP1! And this really gave Gun an epiphany that not only developed his character, but also developed the relationship he has with Tinn. 

“Though the rule still remains, something has changed. I think love is not always bad. Maybe it will encourage Yo to practice harder. Maybe it can help me sing love songs better.”

Gun realized now that love is never the enemy. He realized now that love is why he can do music the way he does. I wonder how terrifying must it be to just have it all come crashing to him like that? 

He asks Tinn if hitting on him was dull, that if he’d rather just court someone else, and these are realistic worries that he probably already had from the beginning. The difference now is the catalyst of these questions: he now knows that Tinn possibly means so much more to him than he expected. 

He is no longer angry at, or even afraid of, love getting in between his dream.

But going back to what I mentioned earlier, the ambiguous labels is still frustrating him, and he doesn’t want Tinn to get tired of waiting. No, scratch that. He doesn't want Tinn to wait for too long.

So, he crossed the line. 

I’m dedicating so many words to this because I really, really love how MSP writers managed to develop Yo’s character in a way that also develops Tinn and Gun’s characters. If they failed to do this right, this could have easily been seen as a filler episode, but everything was necessary for the story. 

It was necessary for Tinn and Gun. 

Can we also talk about the Chinzhilla members being the greatest friends ever?

They unanimously scratched the rule for a friend, and not only that..

Did all of this?! Tiw and Tinn too for always being there for them whenever they need support??

[daemour]

Transitive Property Best Friend (Hoseok x Reader)

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader (open-ended)

Genre: Fluff, light crack

Word Count: 1341

Warnings: Light cursing

Summary: A questionable halloween party gone wrong lands you with your best friend and his best friend. As a result, you three start a new tradition to spend your halloweens doing something new (and equally as dumb) each year. But one year, one of them can’t make it. you’re stuck dealing with halloween with your best friend’s best friend (who is your best friend by default).

Written for @btswritingcafe‘s Horrorwood exchange! @meirkive i hope you like this lackluster fic T-T i really wish i could have done more but october was so crazy i wasnt able to. Next time!! Here is the playlist i listened to while writing this!

-

“I don’t like this idea,” you say unsteadily. But of yours, your idiot friends don’t care that they are basically breaking and entering an abandoned, publicly condemned, and forgotten building (and yes, you know the irony of those two statements) to find ghosts. A highly improbable idea that you know will only end badly.

You need to find new friends.

You aren’t particularly close to almost all of them, but you decide that maybe the sanest person, Yoongi, will be your new buddy. He seems just as excited about this idea as you are, only coming along to be entertained by the idiotic actions of your mutual friends.

This is how you ended up with the most annoying best friend you’ve ever had in your entire life. But that’s what best friends are for. Sure, he sleeps through your calls. Sure, he makes fun of you for needing a step stool to reach the napkins. (But honestly, who the hell puts napkins above the refrigerator? He needs a step stool too!) But he’s also there for you at your worst and always checks in with you.

He and his other best friend who also was at that haunted house break-in as you all affectionately call it (who is also technically now your best friend through some transitive property bull that you vaguely remember from math class) make up your small circle of close friends. Although you have to admit, you don’t know his best friend as well as you should.

But that didn’t matter, because when Yoongi is around the three of you have enough fun that the slight awkwardness between you and Hoseok isn’t palpable. He was like the glue holding you three together, and none of you minded that.

Every Halloween, the three of you would gather and do something completely unrelated to Halloween. Maybe it was a fuck-you to the party that brought you three together, or maybe you had never really thought about doing anything festive.

But this year, that changed.

“What do you mean you can’t make it?” You’re upset, and Yoongi can hear it through the phone call. “Are you not feeling well?”

“No,” Yoongi says, voice crackly over the phone. “I just…have a preoccupation. I’m really sorry, I know this is like…our thing. If you want, you can still do something with Hobi. I’m sure he’ll be happy to.”

You sigh. “It’ll be fine. We can just do something next week to make up for it. Don’t worry about it.”

He makes a sound of disbelief. “If you’re sure,” he says carefully. “I’ll see you guys later then. We can plan something on the weekend.”

"Fine by me, I'll see you later." You hang up the call and immediately collapse onto your couch. You’re grumpy now.

Okay, sue you, you don’t like when friends bail last minute, especially when it’s something that has been planned for well over a month. But Yoongi is your best friend so you can let it slide this time.

With a groan, you roll onto your side and make a grab for the tv remote. If nothing exciting is happening then you’re just going to become a couch potato for the night and watch some Netflix. And then you’re going to eat that s’mores ice cream you saved for a rainy day. If you can’t hang out like normal, then you’re going to have a fun night at least.

You get through three episodes before a knock sounds on your apartment door. A quick glance at the clock tells you that a good few hours have passed and it’s just about time for the trick-or-treaters to start their route.

“Just a minute,” you call out, detangling yourself from your blanket and grabbing the pumpkin bucket you have for the kids in your apartment.

As you swing your door open, the words “happy halloween” die on your tongue as you stare at Jung Hoseok at your door in a…questionable Dracula costume. You’re pretty sure the cape is made of duct tape.

“Trick or treat!” You stare at him and Hoseok’s smile falters just a moment before it’s back and even brighter than before. “Hi! Surprise! Yoongi cancelled on us, so I thought we’d just hang and have a fun night and show him what a loser he is.”

“Extremely tempting. Come in,” you laugh and step aside. Your place is a little messy, but not so much that you’re embarrassed about it. “Make yourself at home. You can help yourself to whatever‘s in the fridge or cupboard.”

Hoseok had been over so many times when your house had been picked for hangouts that he looks almost at home. You can’t blame him either, you’re exactly the same way at his and Yoongi’s shared flat. Speaking of which… ”Do you know why Yoongi cancelled? Since you’re his roommate and all.”

“Mmh, looking for that juicy tea? Unfortunately, I’m sad to report that I haven’t been told any more than you have. Hey, do you have any of that yummy fruit salad cup things that you had last time?”

You laugh at his unfailing ability to jump from conversation to conversation and you walk over and point at the side door. “In there. I always keep myself well-stocked, you know me and my fruit salad addiction.”

While he occupies your kitchen, you stand there a little awkwardly. You don’t know what to say, what to do. You’re glad for the company, of course, but it’s just so weird to have only Hoseok here that you’re socially freezing up.

“So, what were your plans on Halloween before I showed up and blessed you with my presence?” Hoseok asks before popping a spoonful of fruit into his mouth.

You hum, finally taking a seat on your kitchen island across from him. “I was just watching my favourite Halloween show. So nothing too important.”

“Ooh, which show?” And he’s opened a can of worms.

“The Haunting of Hill House! It has great storylines and the characterisation is amazing. I watch it every Halloween. And the soundtrack is phenomenal. I didn’t think it would be my cup of tea since I don’t really watch a lot of movies or shows, but the opening really drew me in and I’ve been hooked since.”

Hoseok smiles. “You could be a rapper with how you said all that in one breath. I’m honestly not the biggest fan of horror movies, but it sounds like you really enjoy it. What else are you into?”

“I absolutely love Hank Green.” You can’t help but giggle, slightly embarrassed. “Not something you’d expect, but his science videos are always so interesting, and since I don’t know a lot about it, his videos are always easy to follow. I could spend all day just browsing his videos. And libraries! I’m completely obsessed. I’d love to work in one someday.”

“That sounds cool, though. It’s cool that you take such an interest in that. I think furthering one’s knowledge is an admirable quality.” Hoseok punctuates his sentence with another spoonful of fruit. “I’m glad we’re hanging out. I feel like we don’t know each other that well even though we see each other far too much for that.”

You purse your lips. “That’s true. I guess we only really hang out when Yoongi’s here too, and I’m sure we hang out with Yoongi separately a lot too.”

“We do.” Hoseok nods and silence prevails again. It’s still awkward, but not like before. “Well. This has been great. He’ll be totally jealous of me eating your fruit cups.”

For some reason, that makes you laugh more than you should. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you be this sarcastic, to be honest. We should definitely hang out more.”

Before you can respond, the doorbell rings and you make a leap for the candy bowl that lay forgotten on the coffee table. “Holy shit I forgot it was Halloween” you hiss and Hoseok almost falls out of his seat laughing. A great start to your (actual) friendship.

[chronicallymargaret]

the beginning

One morning in February of 2012, my mom had knocked on the door to wake me for breakfast and I told her I didn’t feel well. She went and grabbed the thermometer and it read 102℉. There was a sickness going around the high school at the time, so she told me to take some meds and rest. The next morning, my mom woke me up again to check my temperature and it had barely gone down. I stayed home again and followed the same regime. After my fever finally broke, my body didn’t feel right. I thought maybe I was just overly tired from being sick or maybe it was just the cold medicine wearing off. Eventually, I got to the point where I really didn’t think about the pain because I didn’t want to worry anyone. The family wounds were still healing from losing my first best friend, my grandpa, six years prior to cancer. Plus, I never liked people worrying about me because I knew that no matter what, I would always be okay - or so I thought.

High school was hard enough - let alone having a medical condition that not a single doctor in the tri-state area knew a single thing about. I kept my symptoms away from my parents for a very long time. Eventually, like most parents, they caught on that something wasn’t right with their kid. In December of 2012 along came the typical parental questions: “Margaret, are you doing drugs?” “Come on, kid, just tell me what’s going on with ya.” “Kiley Mae. Sit your ass down and start talking.” And then the never ending conversations and tears started to flow. I explained that, no - I was not doing drugs (I really was quite innocent here, Ma and Pops. Only a couple of times, I swear.). I finally broke down to my parents and told them the truth: Ever since that February morning in 2012, I’ve had a headache and chronic pain nearly every day.

Next thing I knew, my mom started researching and researching and more researching. She tried countless times to get clinics/doctors/specialists - you name it, she called them - to even listen to her. She called Mayo Clinic nearly EVERY DAY - practically begging on her hands and knees to fit me in to be seen by someone, anyone. She was my voice because no doctor or person took me seriously. I was “craving attention, a drama queen, drug addict/seeker, hypochondriac, lazy, not good enough, problematic, selfish, waste of money, time, and space.) I watched my dad’s hair slowly turn more and more gray as he worried about whether he should go to work to make money for the never-ending medical bills or go with his wife and daughter to find out the answers. (I hate how corporate America works. Since when has money become more important than one’s health? It’s disgusting and I wish we could change the system.) I watched my sister lack the attention from my parents that she deserved because they were constantly worried about me. (I am in no way, shape, or form calling out my parents. They have ALWAYS done their best in EVERY situation and that is why I am so proud to call them my parents - my heroes.) My high school friends secretively raised money to buy me a miniature pet pig to try to help make me feel better - my parents appreciated the kind gesture but said no because I needed to focus on my health. (I WILL own a pet pig one day - Dallas has already approved.

I have had a majority of my POTS symptoms under control over the last 10 years, but 2023 really screwed up my body. Due to all of the trauma and stress from not only everyday life, but miscarriages, surgeries, and mental health episodes as well - my body has been in FULL overdrive. I've been struggling trying to keep my life going and trying to ignore my health because I don’t want to give in to the fact that my POTS is getting WORSE and not better like I had been telling myself - and everyone I know - since the day I was diagnosed in July of 2012. Back then - yes, this was a frickin’ decade ago .. totally gross, I know. [“POTS was only seen in approximately 500,000 Americans. (https://www.aafp.org/pubs/afp/issues/2012/0901/p392.html)."] Imagine being 15 years old and you're a literal drop in the ocean of people who have something medically rare. What in the frick are the odds of that?

Flash forward to now, February 2024, I have nearly every symptom back plus new ones. My chronic symptoms are headaches - different intensities and locations, lightheadedness and dizziness, severe brain fog - I try not to drive on these days as I typically forget everything, insomnia, anxiety (omg .. I said the BIG “A” word), and depression (oooopps, I did it again bahaha). My new symptoms are: chronic abdominal pain - intensity and location has varied over approximately three months now, dry heaving, hot and cold intolerance (I told my work mom’s I feel like I’m going through menopause with how many hot flashes I have .. they giggled and said “Ohhh Kiley Mae, you have no idea what you’re in for - this is hardly nothing.” Also, can we talk about how important work relationships are? I love my work moms and work family - I’m very blessed on that front.), and vomiting.

The news that I learned today was that due to the dry heaving and vomiting, I now have a large hiatal hernia - part of my stomach is on top of my diaphragm. I’m currently waiting for a call to schedule a barium swallow test and I have a referral in with the University of Nebraska Medicine with a POTS specialist. I personally believe that I’m going to have chronic headaches and abdominal migraines - but I’m holding onto a little bit of hope that the doctor I currently have is going to confirm that the abdominal discomfort is from the hernia, not POTS. I plan on keeping this updated regularly because after I figure out what’s going on with me - I want to share my path of life so no one has to go through the medical trauma that I have.

Medical trauma is a huge part of not only who I am as a person but talking about it is the therapy that I am working through right now. I will eventually spill all of the emotions, but for today I’m going to talk about today. Because today was a very good day and I deserve to celebrate it.

My parents have become “snowbirds” and fly to southern Texas for the winter. Unfortunately, my endoscope ended up being scheduled while they were gone. I told my parents they didn’t have to come back home because it was a simple procedure, and everything was going to be okay. (Yes, I’m 27 and still take my parents to certain medical appointments because I’ve been hurt - I’m working on it.). I don’t know if it’s because I finally did it by myself or if the staff was told to be extra careful with me or what - but I had the most relaxing experience ever. No one looked at me like I was weird when I stated that I had POTS and would need an extra bag of saline. The first anesthetist actually shared with me that she also was diagnosed with POTS. I immediately got a smile on my face and asked if she was kidding. Coming from a small town, not very many people understood what my diagnosis is and again - I’ve been used to being a single drop in the ocean.

The anesthetist made sure to mark my charts and inform the rest of the care team my condition, what to expect, and what I would need after I woke back up. Anesthesia tends to send me into a flare up - especially with cutting off food and water after midnight. Once I got taken into the operating room, my actual anesthetist started asking me questions about POTS. He stated that he had heard of it, but only until recently. I started to explain how long I’ve had it. Then I just started word vomiting because this was a whole new experience for me - how I just want some answers but I’m sure they wouldn’t find anything. I had already come to terms with the abdominal migraines starting. He looked at me in the sincerest way and said, “Wow. You’re a strong woman. You’ve been through a lot but you’re so cool about it.” That statement right there hit me. I realized in that moment that, holy shit, I’ve persevered. I’ve climbed a huge hurdle today and I can’t wait to keep climbing.

If you've read this long - just know that I see you and I love you.

[ecargmura]

Dog Signal Episode 3 Review - Nature Vs. Neuter

This episode takes a bit of a serious tone compared to the previous two episodes for it talks about an interesting topic: neutering. Because Miyu is a first-time dog owner, he’s unsure whether or not neutering is okay for dogs, so he spends the entire episode pondering about whether he’s being selfish about taking away Singe’s natural instincts or if he’s doing something beneficial for his health later on. I love that this topic is shown through the eyes of a novice pet owner’s perspective and through an experienced one’s.

Nature vs neuter, what’s best for dogs? I’m sure dog owners ponder about this all the time. To be honest, I’ve never gotten my dogs neutered and spayed. The poodles I have right now had already gotten surgery when I adopted them. Before my poodles, I was raising a Shih-tzu that didn’t have surgery. I was planning on getting him neutered, but he had a heart murmur and other health complications that he died rather early. At first, with my Shih-tzu, I was thinking about neutering him because I thought it was the natural thing to do since all dog owners do it. Watching this anime made me realize that it’s actually something that requires much thought, even as an experienced pet owner.

I feel like Miyu struggling on whether he should let Singe get surgery or not really shows how much he cares for his dog. He’s really asking thought-provoking questions understandable for a first-time dog owner. I’m glad that Niwa is there as a neutral ground of sorts. He understands Miyu’s struggles, but he’s also telling him that having Singe getting surgery would be more beneficial for him in the long run. He’s not chiding Miyu for being selfish about his dog, but he’s not supporting his indecisiveness either. I really like that he’s neutral in all of this.

This episode also introduces a new character, Suzunosuke Kubo, a vet. He’s the craziest vet I’ve seen so far. What vet shows off a dog’s testicles to its owner? Though, he does seem to know his stuff, though. I did like how he mentioned the neutering bias present in the West, which shows how some things are viewed in some countries.Though, my only issue with the doctor is that he did NOT talk about stuff like pet insurance, pet protection plans, or anything regarding money with Miyu. I don’t know what vets in Japan are like, but in America, vets LOVE to charge everything (like every healthcare professional in the country). They’re always trying to persuade pet parents to take protection plans or insurance because vet bills are EXPENSIVE. I’m wondering about the money Miyu has. Pet items aren’t cheap. Veterinary bills are pretty much worth a person’s salary. If Miyu is okay with letting Singe have surgery, that means he got good money from working at the bar or he has pet insurance…does Japan even have pet insurance? Also, is it just me or does the vet guy look like Kanechika-senpai from Skip and Loafer?

Other than Miyu’s worries, I do like how there’s continuity in this story as Eguchi does become a customer and student in Niwa’s dog training course. I’m glad, though. I’m so happy that Eguchi does care for Leo and wants what’s best for him and for herself too. It’s nice see both her and her dog improving their relationship—one of my favorite things about seeing people with dogs. I also like seeing that even though Singe got neutered, it doesn’t mean an instant change in habits. I think Miyu should invest in pet pads if he doesn’t want Singe to pee everywhere.

One last thing I liked was how Dr. Kubo was teasing Niwa about hiring Miyu. Apparently, Miyu looks like a puppy and Niwa was denying that he was “interested” in him due to his curly brown hair. Oh, does Niwa have a type? Also, what’s with the sudden BL teasing in this episode? Not that I’m complaining…

I can’t wait for next week when our duo tackles the issues that the Border Collie and its owner has. Though, I think the subtitles for the dog’s name doesn’t match the audio. The subtitles say the dog’s name is Rexy, but the dog’s name is pronounced as Roche (Ro-shee-eh). How does one get Rexy from Roche? Anyways, what are your thoughts about this anime? I feel like I’m the only person reviewing this show, which has both its positives and negatives. 

[xion92]

TMMN: Masaya/Ichigo relationship, episode 12

 Hey people, I'm alive! Well, yes. I just had a lot of things to do and every time I started watching the episode for analysis I inevitably got lost in it, unable to write anything. But now, after two weeks, my heartbeat has passed a bit and I can write an analysis as it should be.

So where to start? This episode represents ichisaya culmination, as well as showing us imo the most beautiful scene of the season as a worthy ending. And did you notice this? in the rain scene they wear the same clothes of the theme song!

So, guys, in this episode I’ll have to make comparisons with the manga, because it’s something inevitable. Let's go first with the scene where he’s waiting for her. But before…

Lol. Masaya has Rau as a whatsapp profile picture. Hahaha! Ichigo, give up, Masaya has already chosen between you two! Nobody can separate a man and his dog!

And even in the middle of the battle, Ichigo can't avoid putting him first. So, RiP her smartphone. I guess she’ll have a new one with a new design in season 2.

Now let's go into this scene. In this episode a scene was reported that in the manga will only appear via flashbacks in volume 5. Not the whole scene, just a part. In the flashback it’s also shown what Masaya does and thinks after discovering that the Mew Mew are fighting, but here it stops before of that. However, we can understand why the authors have made this addition (in the manga at this point it only shows that he calls her and she doesn’t answer): to make us understand his state of mind when she reaches him at the end. Even if we’re not shown the whole scene, what we see is more than enough, the rest will probably be shown in the second season.

I also really appreciated this little detail. The series is full of details like this about Masaya, and that's why I repeat myself: best male character, very well written. Here we see him interacting with Moe and Miwa, they tell him that something strange is happening at the Tokyo tower, and he immediately gets alarmed. However, since he is still talking to them, here we see him trying to keep his mask of imperturbability and education, making one of the tight smiles he often did in the first episode even with Ichigo, thanking them, and then returning immediately to himself, worried, as soon as they leave. Yes, because, Masaya as a character is growing and changing, but let's remember that for now the change in his behavior has it only with Ichigo. It's not that while he opens up to her and becomes human with her, he becomes human with other people at the same time. With the others, for now he always remains the same, for the moment only with her he changes, and for him only she exists. Ichigo represents a bridge for him, first he changes with her, and only after her will he begin to open up more with others as well.

Here, even before having verified that the Mew Mew are involved, he immediately calls Ichigo to find out if she's okay, also a detail that I appreciated. And since she doesn't answer and he sees the photo of her fighting a monster, we can immediately understand the feelings he'll have for the next couple of hours: fear and anguish that something bad might happen to her. After all, he had already seen, in episode 9, her being badly hitten in front of him, and this battle is even more dangerous. Unlike the manga, where he had never seen her fight and therefore he couldn't even really realize the danger she was in.

Oh, I was almost forgetting: blue smartphone! Only after all these episodes in which every time he shows something blue do I understand why they didn't give him blue eyes like in the manga: because he already had so much blue that even the eyes would have been too much (and maybe it would have been too much similar to Mamoru).

And here we skip to the last scene. I really liked this change that was made with respect to the manga. In the manga, Ichigo forgot about the appointment after the battle, she even happyly said to go back to the café with the others, and it is Minto who reminds her of Masaya. In New, on the other hand, Ichigo never forgets about him, even once the battle is won she is not as happy as in the manga, she remains sad and aloof because an hour has already passed, she couldn't warn Masaya and she's sure it's useless to go because he would have already returned home and from now on he won't want to speak to her anymore. But thanks to her friends, she takes courage and goes anyway, presumably arriving an additional hour late, because when she arrives it's dark (so she probably arrives at 20:00 instead of 18:00).

Wonderful that they put My Sweet Heart in the form of a ballad for an important scene like this, but then the scene where Ichigo runs to reach Masaya has a great meaning: it shows her full of guilt for her constant lying to him despite him has shown several times that he cares about her, and when she slips and falls she remains a bit on the ground in her dark thoughts before getting up. She is already sure first of all that he has gone home, and in any case that he will no longer want to speak to her. Arriving at the stadium, she at first doesn't see him and she's about to start crying, seeing her fears confirmed. But anyway she, going all the way, she wants to at least tell him how she feels about him before ending their relationship. Poor thing, how much pain this image gives me. In these two days everything happened to her, yet she always puts him first.

Small thing: I believed that at this point something would happen that in the end did not happen. Do you remember this scene from episode 7? In which she thinks the same line that she says out loud in the rain scene in the manga. I believed that they had chosen the path "she first thinks it, then here she says it". But no, they didn't do that, they just moved that line. But that's okay, she doesn't need to say goodbye to him thanking him. Her worried look is enough.

Now… I could write an essay on this scene, analyzing every little detail. Let's start by putting ourselves in his shoes. How does he feel here when he sees her in front of him? Masaya had been in distress for her the whole time of the battle. As the manga shows us in a flashback later, his concern for her was so great that he even wanted to run up to the tower to help her, but then he stayed there because he realized he couldn't do anything for her. The only thing he could do was waiting for her, not knowing anything if something had happened to her, if she was injured or even killed. Think how difficult it can be for a guy with as strong a protective instinct as him to realize that he can't actually do anything for her (by the way: it started in episode 9 and here it reaches its climax. First requirement for the Blue Knight checked). When he finally sees her coming, imagine what weight he feels lifted off him. But in the meantime the feelings of fear, anguish and worry have worked in him, he finally sees her arrive so eager to meet him despite the tiredness and the rain, that at first she doesn't even understand what to feel. And from the initial non-expression of him we see it. He doesn't know how to behave or what to think concretely.

But reality snaps inside him when she looks at him in this upset way. At this very moment he manages to shift into rationality what he felt for her all season, which tormented him not understanding what it was and which has grown continuously (second requirement for the Blue Knight, checked: he is ready to enter the scene next season). The moment he realizes it, he doesn't wait any longer and doesn't leave her in doubt and fear, he snaps and hugs her. He finally realized how much he loves her and how precious she is to him, knowing that he could have lost her that day.

It is wonderful that when he embraces her, the greyness disappears and the lights come on with their colors. Blue above and pink below, mixing and merging. We can actually see him for the first time with blue hair. I've already said it, but I love their difference in height and size. That she is so small compared to him and he has to bend his back and knees to be able to hug her.

Small digression: when you’re translating a work for a foreign audience, the dialogues shouldn’t be translated literally, they have to be adapted to convey to the aforementioned audience the same feelings that the original dialogue would transmit to native speakers. In such a context, "suki da" literally means "I like you" but actually it means "I love you". Take this Quora answer as an explenation. Our case is clearly the third one. This is the meaning that is conveyed to Japanese viewers, and this is what a translator has to convey to Western audiences when he adapts the dialogues.

And also ... no, here Masaya doesn’t say "I knew you would come", but "zutto matteta", "I have always waited for you". What was done here instead isn’t an adaptation, it’s a distortion that also contradicts his character and what actually happened. Masaya had absolutely no idea if Ichigo would eventually arrive or not, that's why he got so anguished and scared, but he still decided to wait for her anyway.

Among other things, the dubbing of this scene is something spectacular: he talks to her in a hoarse, almost rigid tone, you can feel how much he had been in anguish all that time, how shocked he is to have seen her in front of him and for realizing he loves her.

Let's realize for a moment what it means, for him, to hug someone. He has probably never hugged anyone in his life, but his love for her has become so strong and the feelings he feels at that moment upset him so much that he no longer has any barriers. She can't even believe it at first, and in fact, before hugging him in turn, she hesitates a moment, but then her expression is wonderful: she believed that between them it was over, that he would not even want to see her anymore, that the last thing she had to do before parting was to find the courage to tell him what she felt for him, and instead not only he isn't angry with her, but he precedes her by declaring himself first. She no longer thinks about seeking justification or wondering why he's not mad at her, she just enjoys the moment. What a sense of relief transpires from this image.

And there’s the big change from the manga, a change that I really liked: in the manga, at this point Masaya says that Ichigo's hair is all wet, and this is clearly an excuse to be able to start touching her. In short, we understand that in the manga he wants to go further with her, maybe even kiss her if she gives him the chance. But Ichigo, who is nervous throughout the scene, runs away from him as soon as she feels her ears have popped up. There's the scene of the misunderstanding, as in the manga Masaya doesn't yet know about her ears, and he, showing great respect for her feelings, thinks he has scared her and is willing to leave, despite having just realized how much she's important to him. She stops him just in time using her handkerchief to cover her head, declares herself from a distance remaining afraid and fearful, when he hugs her again she simply leans on him, praying the rain to not to stop for fear of being discovered. It's at this point that Masaya realizes that she has cat ears, but he decides to ignore it. Furthermore, he begs her not to go away again and to let herself be embraced. It's clear at this point that his intention was not just to hug her, but he would have liked to go further with her, but he must be content with this to not scare her. It was a scene that had always left me with a sense of dissatisfaction, a "it could have gone a certain way, but no, these two poor lovers, due to external circumstances never manage to go through with it ..."

In the anime, the scene has been rewritten, as it has happened for many scenes between the two of them, eliminating any sense of dissatisfaction in me. Here, Masaya notices Ichigo's ears before her, and quickly, before she gets too nervous, puts the handkerchief on her head himself to make her feel calm and prevent her from running away from him as happened the day before (among other things, looking at that scene several times, I think Masaya realizes right here about her ears, in episode 10 he still hadn't noticed them). Telling her that her hair is wet here is an excuse to put the handkerchief on her head, not to start touching her and going further with her. What a sweetheart anyway, with this excuse... he just said the first thing that came to his mind hoping that she would believe it (and you can hear it from his uncertain tone), because it's clear that as an excuse in itself it doesn't hold: they're continuing standing in the rain, her hair is already soaked, and his handkerchief will get wet too, but the excuse works and she calms down. At this point we have a wonderful scene, and beautifully drawn.

Now she is ready to declare herself as well, and he shows that he is a bit worried and does not know what to expect. "Maybe she wants to tell me the truth about her identity?", he thinks probably. He's so uncertain that he even takes his hands off her shoulders. And here we see her tears, so important that they are mentioned in the title of the episode. "Me too ...", she begins to say, looking at him with intensity. He doesn't understand immediatly. "Me too what?". He clearly doesn't expect a declaration from her too, he has the same expectant expression that he had at the end of episode 9, it's clear he still expects she wants to tell him the truth.

Here Ichigo has a slightly different expression from the shot from before. She has an even more intense look, with a love in her eyes that she had never had before. "I love you too," she tells him, but notice the way she tells him, in a very poetic way. Using "watashi" instead of "atashi", "anata" instead of "Aoyama-kun" (yes, as you may have noticed, Japanese often use the person's first name instead of the second person singular even while they are talking to said person, such as if they were talking about a third person) and "desu" instead of "da". She uses the formal, this means that it's a very serious declaration of love, and for her it's of great importance. And the way she says it… Yuuki Tenma really let herself go in this scene, with that trembling, soulful voice. And unlike manga, she can tell him fearlessly, in front of him and looking him into his eyes.

Wonderful. Absolutely amazing. Masaya crying for joy as he watches her after she confessed to him. Look what a wonderful expression he has. Happy, relieved, moved, in love, especially considering how important she is to him, how her love warmed the cold heart he had at the beginning of the series, making him acquire that humanity he didn't have and making him discover those feelings that he didn't even think he had. Masaya has no one else in life but her. Ichigo is the only deep bond he has, the only person he loves and who really matters to him, so we can remotely understand his feelings for her when we see him with this face. The tears of the title are not only Ichigo's, but are also his. And also the sigh that he lets go ... of relief because he reciprocates him, happiness, emotion. This sigh says a lot. I also wanted to point out one thing: did you notice that the last time he blushes with her is in episode 9? In this scene, she blushes, but he doesn't. Even in this he has grown up, his relationship with her has changed and he's no longer ashamed and insecure with her. Now he's sure and certain of their bond, he transmits his emotions in other ways, with expressions and tears, but, as we have also seen in episode 10, he's no longer shy and no longer feels embarrassed with her.

For the first time, as I mentioned earlier, I didn't feel dissatisfied in this scene. It is true, in a normal context, with such a declaration, a kiss would have been a must, but with the two of them, everything is perfect this way. Why? From Masaya's point of view: he just isn't ready to kiss her yet. In this scene he realized that he loved her deeply, he hugged her tightly, something that before now he probably hadn't done with anyone, and for the first time he cries with joy, letting go of his feelings, welcoming them without trying to hide them (as had happened in episode 3). For him there's a lot of stuff that happens in a few minutes, he's changing and becoming more and more human, but it happens step by step. He needs more time. A kiss would have been too much for his current development. He has already satisfied his desire for Ichigo that he had in episode 10, in which he wanted to be close to her and at least be able to touch her. And here he can do it, he can hug her and feel her hug without her being nervous and rejecting him. This is enough for him for now, he still can't go further. He will kiss her, sure, but that will happen later, when he'll be ready.

She, too, doesn't seem to expect a kiss at all at this point, and she isn't disappointed that he doesn't kiss her. She had arrived there, exhausted after two intense days of misadventures and fighting, thinking first of all that he wasn't there, then that he hated her and didn't want to see her anymore. Now he has embraced her for the first time, telling her that he loves her. She doesn't need anything else right now. She is tired, relieved because the situation has been resolved in the best way, after two intense days she has finally found peace in the arms of her love, and for now this is enough. It was the first time in which, in front of this scene, I did not really perceive that something was missing, unlike the manga where unfortunately it was clear that both could not let themselves go, she for fear, he for fear of frightening her.

And after the declaration, they hug again. Under the monsoons. A little longer there and Retasu would have passed by swimming next to them, in the same way as Snoopy here (seriously, I would have laughed so much if it actually happened 🤣)

They don't even think about going to take shelter somewhere before hugging each other again. At that moment there is no rain for them, there are only the two of them. They stay there, and their hug is different from both the manga and the previous hug. In the manga, Ichigo doesn't is in the moment, hugging him, but she stays leaned against him, here instead she hugs him tightly to make him understand even more how much she loves him. The way Masaya hugs her is different from how he did before. It's no longer a hug full of fear, anguishes of losing her. Now they have declared themselves, they are a couple, and he hugs her in a warm, tender and loving way. How much I love this screen. How much warmth and love it gives off. She who even stretching can barely reach his shoulder and hug him, and he who, in order to hug her, has to bend both his body and arms. Even if their faces are partially hidden, their expressions are clearly visible. Full of relief and happiness for having found each other and being together, now as boyfriend and girlfriend. She thinks "Please, please I need you to know how strongly I feel about you", and he is clearly feeling it.

His face is framed, eyes closed, completely lost in her, relieved, this time he whispers "suki da yo". "Yo" is a particle that serves to emphasize, so it’s a stronger "I love you" than before. It can be translated and adapted with "I love you so much". And he tells her in a really calm and happy tone, he has probably never been so happy in his life. And in a safe, loose way, without any shyness. By now he’s sure of the value he has for her and of the love that binds them, and he repeats it again. He too, like her, wants her to understand how strong he feels about her. Ichigo understands this very well, and emits a satisfied sigh and smiles happy and serene, close to him. Unlike the manga, there’s no nervousness from them, but they completely let themselves go to each other, without anything being able to interrupt them.

Think that this girl at the beginning of the first episode wanted to find a boyfriend only because she wanted to live an "high school love" experience. She certainly hadn't imagined that she would find the love of her life instead.

Another thing to point out: the fact that we have no way of seeing what happens after this scene. It's something I've always been curious about, I've always wondered: "but after the declaration of love, what happens? What do they do?" But the point is precisely this: whatever happens between them after the declaration, it is a private thing, which belongs only to the two of them. We don't have to see what they will do next, it's not our business.

A wonderful scene, a wonderful couple, a wonderful season. After so much effort, struggles, obstacles that have tried to separate them, these two lovers can finally be together and seal their relationship. I have no words, this TMMN has given me everything I wanted most, both for Masaya and for his relationship with Ichigo. I can't wait for April to arrive to be able to see what will happen in the second part of the story, which is so juicy and full of twists about the two of them.

[quodekash]

well that episode was freaking SOMETHING

Gun in Tinn’s imagination is always the funniest thing

WHY WAS POR’S OVERNIGHT BAG SO FULL

Also I thought that now they’ve both confessed we wouldn’t get anymore Tinn imagination scenes but we still get them and I deeply appreciate it because they’re so freaking funny

TIW THOUGHT SOUND AND GUN WERE SECRETLY DATING AND I WAS FREAKING OUT COS SURELY HE DIDN’T ACTUALLY SEE THAT AND WAS TIW TRYING TO CREATE DRAMA AND WAS OUR BESTEST SHIPPING BOY STARTING TO BECOME NOT THE BESTEST but it was fine, he misread the situation, and Tinn barely changed the way he spoke to gun and they communicated and solved it quickly so it was fine

When the characters suddenly speak English, if only for a little bit, it’s so startling. Like stop. Stop speaking our disgusting language pls keep speaking your beautiful flowing poetic lovely language I prefer hearing that, English is so jarring. Like I’m so used to neung sawng saam see not oNe TwO tHrEe FoUr

they said they had to run through the rain. no one saw it rain. and also they surely smell like chlorine. how is everyone so STUPID?? (INCLUDING Tinn’s mum)

“I slept really well in class, I’m ready to pull an all-nighter!” Ah, the classic high school experience

about halfway through I was getting very angry cos we’d gotten like five seconds of Soundwin

but then immediately that thirst was quenched

also HOW WAS WIN PUTTING ON SOUND’S HELMET MORE INTIMATE THAN WHEN THEY LITERALLY BASICALLY KISSED??? HOW DID THAT HAPPEN. WHAT IS THIS SORCERY??? I’m not complaining but HOW

“Save that hand to play guitar, let me be the hand for you” HOLY. BAJOOLIES.

WE FINALLY GOT THE MOTORBIKE SCENE

WIN WAS ACTUALLY BEING NICE TO SOUND AND SOUND WAS ACTUALLY GENUINELY HAPPY IN WIN’S PRESENCE

WIN FED SOUND WIN FED SOUND WIN FED SOUND

AND THE WAY HE DID IT- THEYRE LITERALLY JUST BOYFRIENDS AT THIS POINT

yes Tinn and gun you’re very cute and you’re the main characters and yadda yadda I love you but could we please get back to Soundwin????

“What musicians like me want the most ISNT advice or nice instruments. It’s the audience.” LUKE PATTERSON IS THAT YOU?

WIN OPENING AND CLOSING THE WATER BOTTLE FOR SOUND FJFJFJFJH

“I want to pee.” “Why are you telling me?” REFERENCES TO THE LAST EPISODE FJFJFJFHH

AND SOUND’S PURE ELATED SMILE- I CANT TAKE IT

“You want me to take you?” “I’m kidding. Thanks.” “How’s your wrist? Is it better?” “Why? Are you worried about me?” “…What? I’m worried about our band. I’m afraid you can’t play guitar.” “Don’t worry. I’m 100% fit to play. I got a very good caretaker.” “Of course. I’m a very good caretaker.” First of all: MY HEART! Second: they’ve never been so GENUINE with each other. Every time sound said a word, he was looking up at win, and pure joy, elation, happiness, ALL THOSE GOOD WORDS, were all over his face. He’s literally never been so smiley and happy, especially not in win’s presence. (My guess is he’s finally seeing that there’s a chance for his feelings to be reciprocated so he has hope and happiness and HE MAKES ME HAPPY OKAY?)

“let’s not waste all of the bbq pork we’ve eaten!” Out of context, that’s just a weird little quote. But if you’ve seen the show, it’s actually inspirational and lovely (i may go more into this another day)

HELL YEAH THEY GOT INTO THE NEXT ROUND OF HOT WAVE

they need to compose a new song which will be really difficult but it’s fine

I’d also just like to say real quick: I love guns mother with ALL MY SOUL. “*pinching his cheek* you did great, buttface” HOW IS SHE SUCH A PERFECT MOTHER??? AND THAT HUG. THAT WAS A PERFECT HUG.

this show may actually be the death of me.

I saw the nivea bottle. I smelt the sponsorship. And I made my predictions: Tinn was going to appear out of nowhere and clean gun’s face for him and they would have a sweet moment.

and then what happened? Exactly that.

and then they made it seem like they were FINALLY GOING TO KISS but it was only a flipping forehead kiss. Which like that’s fine I like forehead kisses they’re very cute but I got my hopes up for nothing

Tinngun’s hug at the end was a very nice hug

EPISODE 9 TRAILER

WE’RE FINALLY GETTING THE FREAKING BEACH SCENES AND I GENUINELY DONT KNOW IF ILL SURVIVE THE WEEK. AND IF I DO, IDK HOW IM GONNA SURVIVE THE EPISODE

why are Tiw and Tinn there. They’re not in the music club. Im not mad I’d just like to know please.

I THINK SOUND’S LOVE SONG IS GONNA BE NEXT EPISODE OH MY GOSH IVE BEEN W A I T I N G FOR THIS

”gun and sound, yoy two write a song for the final round.” “do you want to try writing a love song?” “I like that.” “…yOU JUST SAID-“ “HEY!” “DONT TELL ME…” I THINK GUN AND SOUND ARE GONNA FIND OUT ABOUT EACH ORHER’S TINN AND WIN IT’S GONNA BE GREAT

AND ALSO GUN IS TELLING THE GUYS ABOUT TINN????????? IM SO CONFUSED

[hime-memes]

                    * Danny Gonzales Sentence Starters *

God, I’ve been watching Danny’s content since the vine era and he’s super fun & goofy in his youtube videos, so I’ve compiled a list of dialogue starters from a couple different videos he’s uploaded. 

As always: These have been modified for cohesive and sensical use. Feel free to change anything within these that you see fit to make it work for your muse & the receiver’s muse !

Recommended For: Any muses/plots/timelines.

Trigger Warnings For: Swearing & slight innuendo.

“ I keep seeing this dude on tiktok who’s pretending to be a vampire, using special effects ... and, like, everyone believes him ! “ “ ... or you know, everyone would be thirsting over him because he’s a boy, and ... he’s not ... wearing a shirt. Or, he is -- he’s just wearing it wrong. “ “ ‘ He could actually be a vampire & no one would know ! ‘, uh, no, he couldn’t. He could not ... because vampires aren’t real ! “ “ Imagine if vampires really were real and this is how we found out ? From sorta like a thirst trappy tiktok of a guy just casually being like: ‘ Oh, I heard we were showing off our teeth ... Here’s mine ! ‘. “  “ What if they had to put this picture in every history book form now on ? " “ So, this is when we found out vampires existed, they’ve been around for thousands of years and we didn’t find out until this guy made a tiktok video without his shirt on ... because he wanted to show off his teeth. “  “ Still to this day it is the only evidence that we have of vampires, but I mean, you can’t dispute this ! “  “ Look, I don’t believe this yet, alright ? I’m not that stupid ... but, I swear to god, if you do this one more time -- I will believe you, I’m serious ! Post one more edited tiktok of you showing your fangs & I will spend the rest of my life believing vampires are real. “ “ ... and it’s not because you’re cute either; I don’t wanna kiss. I’m gonna spend the rest of my life trying to track you down and impale you with a wooden stake ! “  “ I like that he’s not just a vampire, he’s a cocky vampire ! “ “ Watching everyone I love die time and time again because I’m an immortal ageless being ... drifting through time becoming further convinced that nothing matters and life doesn’t mean anything because I sold my soul to the devil 200 years ago ??? Uh, it’s ya boy ! “  “ I like to think about this one and what it would look like without the effect. “ “ He jumps over his house ... so, don’t skip leg day ! “  “ I know a lot of people commenting on these tiktoks saying they think they’re real are either joking, or are literally one year old. ” “ I don’t think his intention was to deceive people into thinking vampires were real ... “ “ Welcome back to another episode of how to be a bad boy ! “ “ Don’t worry if you’re not a boy, because this applies to anybody ! You don’t have to be a boy to be a bad boy ! “ “ Bad Boys ... who doesn’t love a bad boy, am I right ? I mean, they’re strong, masculine, angry, violent ... what’s not to love ?! “ “ His IG stories are full of the worst, most painful to watch cringe tiktoks from super obscure accounts. “ “ I’ve noticed this uptick in bad boys. “  “ That’s a great question: Why do good girls like bad guys ? “ “ I mean, look at this dude: He’s clear bad as all heck ! “  “ One moment, you think he’s a doctor and the next moment he’s just a normal dude ? In normal clothes ? What the fuck happened to him ?! “ “ This is a bad boy right here guys, this doctor doesn’t play by the rules. “  “ I would not want this doctor to be my doctor cause he is a bad boy ! You can tell because his hair isn’t as neat as it was when he was just a doctor ... and he’s wearing a ring with a skull on it ! “ “ It’s possibly the skull of one of his patients who died because he was too busy making tiktoks to operate on them. “ “ What’s the opposite of swooning ? I just did the opposite of whatever swooning is ... “  “ Okay, so it looks like there’s this nerd and we’re roleplaying as his girlfriend, who left him or something to be with somebody else ? “ “ What could you possible have to show me that could change my mind now, you little dweeb ... that I used to date for some reason ... ? “ “ Now he’s some kind of ... kind of ... well, I don’t know what he is, but he looks different now ! “ “ Alright, it’s time to make her jealous ... “ “ Well ... look at me now. I’m a vampire ... so ... I bet you’re jealous of that ! “ “ Oh, you think I want you back now ? Well, I got news for you, bitch: I’m immortal & I can turn into a bat ! “ “ What is he at the beginning ?! An old man or a very stressed teen ?! “ “ Is this a tiktok or is this the plot of an early 2000s rom-com ? ” “ One day his silly old ass tripped into the fountain of youth ... “ “ I’ve fallen for you, ( and I can’t get up ). Coming this summer ! “  “ Did you just dress like an idiot all the time on purpose ? “  “ You think I’m a wrinkly old man ? Guess what bitch - I’m a greaser form the 1950s ! “  “ Are you just intentionally looking like shit to get her to break up with you ? “ “ ... Because nothing wins back girls like saying something badass really quietly into a microphone because you’re scared someone will you ! “  “ The bad boys on tiktok have values ! ... and one of those values is protecting women. “  “ He looks like he’s got absolutely no joint mobility ! “ “ Everyone knows that the badder the boy you are, the more your walk looks like a fuckin’ whomp, from Mario 64 ! “ “ It’s funny how this whole video was about respecting women, but then his girlfriend gets in the way and he’s like: ‘ Fuck off, babe ! I gotta go fight this asshole ! I have to protect your honor, babe. So, how ‘bout you get the fuck out of my way, you dumb bitch ’. “ “ This would be kind of menacing, if this dude wasn’t wearing the cutest tiny little cast on his pinky finger ! “  “ Dude are you really in any condition to be protecting women ? “  “ What the fuck ? This dude just barked ?! “  “ If you push a girl, you can catch these hands by all means. “  “ You couldn’t think of any less gruesome way to take care of this ? “ “ What are you ? A horror villain form the 80s ?! “ “ I don’t know what it is about grown men lip-syncing and then punching the air because they’re so mad ... “ “ The phrase ‘ asswhoopin’ in the parking lot ‘, I don’t know it just sounds like you’re not beating someone up, you’re just ... spanking them. “  “ You’re just, like, at the club - minding your own business and you accidentally bump into the girl standing next to you, and her boyfriend puts his hand on your shoulder and you turn around, and it’s fuckin’ Justin from Wizards of Waverly Place ... wearing what can only be described as the upper body version of a loin cloth ... ? “  “ He’s got that ‘ whispering because I’m recording a tiktok in my room and don’t want my parents to know ‘ vibe. “  “ Then he strangles you ? Is ... is that how you make a deal with the devil ? “  “ Is this, like, a sexual thing, or -- ? ... No one knows, it’s just what I do ! “  “ ... What I don’t understand is this creepy laugh followed immediately by that very weird moan. “  “ In what way is this supposed to be appealing to me as the viewer ? ”   “ I just feel like if I were a girl ... If that’s what this is guy is into: I mean, girls or guys ... demons or imps ? I don’t know what he’s into ! “ “ I feel like if we got into any small argument, he’d Darth Vader my ass ! Strangle me and then lift me up in the air by my throat ... just because I didn’t want to go to Chili’s™ ... “

[xoamandafrances]

S4 Ep:10 Four Foundational Truths Everyone Needs: Get Un-F*ed and Un-Stuck with Money.

Hello! Welcome to the And She Rises — TF Up — the podcast. We’re SO happy you’re here.

As you may know, MMM season came to a close last month and people have been asking what a good next step is for them.

If you were unable to enroll, don’t worry! This is for you.

Today we have four incredibly impactful teaching moments from one of our favorite programs: Drop the Money Struggle Bundle.

DTMS includes TEN empowering, high vibrational videos to help you lay a solid foundation in your relationship with money while clearing out the clutter that has held you back.

IT IS AMAZING. And, since this bundle serves as the pre-work for MMM, you get your money back in the form of a $444 off coupon code to MMM when you start with DTMS.

Check out the details + payment options + feedback: https://amandafrances.com/drop-your-money-struggle/

Without further ado…

Four Foundational Money Truths Everyone Should Know:

1. Un-fuck your money stories. The nonsense we heard about money gets stuck inside of us — as stories — but we can change these stories. Growing up, we sensed things in our household about who we are in relation to money and we heard things about money and people with money — and we accidentally believed it. We developed idea around money, that did not have to be true for us and are certainly not the *ultimate* truth for who we can be and what we can have. It’s time to remove stories that say it’s never enough, it’s hard to pay bills, that money is stressful, etc. It’s time to work through these limiting beliefs and see things differently. It’s time to form new thought processes and change our minds about money.

2. How to manifest + call it in, quickly. When I want to manifest something, I want to manifest it mother f*ing quickly. I ask God to do the parts I cannot do, but I am willing to be guided. I am willing to show up and do my part. When you’re willing to be guided, and you know you can have it, your next step becomes clear. I have friends who are great manifestors who prefer to let it come when it comes, but I don’t have time for that. I’m doing it now, and I’m going to do my part to move it forward. Here is what that looks like for me…

3. God wants good for you. God, Universe, Creator loves you. Is obsessed with you. And made you perfectly. As the Bible says, “You are fearfully and wonderfully made” with every hair on your head numbered and accounted for. That is the detail by which God knows you. There is nothing written in the cosmos that says you can not have all you want. Your needs are meant to be met. You are good enough. You are worthy. Anything that tells you anything different is a lie, and it’s only true if you believe it is, and to the degree you fall for it.

4. When it looks like it didn’t work. When it looks like your manifestation isn’t working, you do the steps again. You shift back into being a vibrational match for the thing you want. This is real, deep work. We’re forming new neuropathways in your brain. We are changing the way you think… forever. Until we do this over and over consistently, we will often go back to our old defaults. But here’s the thing: You get to incrementally increase what you believe, what you have, and what you believe you’re worthy of all the time. This is up to you, and I promise you, it gets easier as you go.

Okay, my loves!

I cannot wait to see you in DTMS.

Let the enrollment page answer all your Qs, and if you need us please reach out: support@amandafrances.com or DM me. :)

All the love,

Amanda + Team AF

Check out this episode!

[winderlylandchime]

2/2 ‘TED MADE IT! IM SO HAPPY! YAY TEDDY AND EMMETT ADVENTURE TIME!!! Damn it, so everyone is in couples except Brian and Justin. Why couldn’t Brian go with Justin to LA? This sucks’ ‘oh wow Lindsay is really a fucking bitch. I get the worry though but holy shit what the fuck happened to her? I hate this shit. Throw them both away’ he is so annoyed with Lindsay and Melanie that he is currently repeating the words ‘break up’ over and over. They break up: ‘I TOLD YALL THIS SHIT LIKE TWO SEASONS AGO. FUCKING FINALLY now lets go to Brian and Justin’ ben and michael got engaged ‘man, they’re really stealing the spotlight, huh? DUDE. THIS IS NOT THE TIME. Stealing Debbies shine. Rude.’ And Justin is officially in LA ‘so he went to LA? When? What? Huh? This looks like that party at that club dudes place. I still don’t like this director guy. I hate this. Okay be honest, who is this actor Connor supposed to be? Tom Cruise? Or? He better not get in a way of my two boys or I’m fighting every person who wrote this show.‘ and the gang made it to Toronto ‘so this is like a play on that toronto is like Gay Pittsburgh? This does look like Woodys. BRIAN! OH MY GOD ITS BRIAN! Okay pause *stops tv AGAIN* listen. Remember how Brian reacted to Hunters handjob thingy? Pair that up with Hunters reaction to Brian explaining planes to Mike. BAM! Uncle and nephew duo! I love these two. I can’t believe i didnt think he wouldnt go to canada with a plane. That makes the most sense in the whole show. HE’S RIDING! THE RIDE! Wait stop. *pauses tv AGAIN!* so let me get this right? He found out from Mike that Justin was wanted in LA and his immediate reaction when realizing that Justin is turning it down is to lie about not doing the ride so that Justin wouldn’t sacrifice his future? What the fuck? I mean i know he cares about his future *looks at me and smiles* thats kinda the hottest part about him. But this is UGH. AW BRI AND EM HUGGED! AND HES SMILING! I AM SO HAPPY THAT HE IS FINALLY HAPPY BUT HELL, BLONDIE IS MISSING’ ‘i forgot how much Brian hates marriages. Im kinda surprised that they went that extra with it. Id get if he hated it for himself but others? I feel like he would be more of a minding my own business kinda person. Like me. *looks at me like he’s really proud of himself* me and Brian are clearly the same person because i know my bri bri.’ And we are back to LA ‘i dont know why but i really hate this. Like it’s weird. I love Blondie and the idea of his career becoming huge is awesome but this is just eh. (Justin says his ‘fucking’ line in the meeting) OH MY GOD. I FUCKING LOVE HIM LIKE THIS! PLEASE BLONDIE NEVER CHANGE! This kinda reminds me of when Brian said to Debbie that being a true american is getting fucked in the ass when they went to vote. They really are made for each other’ Mikey/Ben’s wedding is on ‘WHAT THE FUCK?! ALREADY? Awww Brian is his best man! No matter how he feels about stuff, he still cares the most about his friends. *points to tv* BRIAN IS THROWING THE CONFETTI! HES HAPPY FOR THEM BUT HE HAS TO BE GRUMPY AT TIMES. MY BABY HAS GROWN SO MUCH!’ ‘I just realized that Brian missed lindsays wedding and Blondie missed this one. They really cant be together. What the fuck is wrong with writers? Why do they hate them?’ And the Ride has officially started ‘AW BRIAN IS GONNA KICK ASS! Debbie is his mother! Why am i getting emotional by this, i already knew it? This wouldve been better with Blondie but GO BRI BRI! I AM ROOTING FOR YOU!!! We should do something like this. You think its hard? We could have little pride flags on it like Ted! DID YOU SEE BRIS SMILE AT THE END? He tries to act tough but damn it, he really is finally happy, isnt he? If only fucking LA didn’t ruin it. But it’s okay, we got one more episode and all will be fixed!’ He is fully convinced that Brian will confess his love in the last ep. He is so sure that he sent a voice memo to family group chat AND friend group chat to let them know that the ‘i love you scene is coming up in the next episode! I’ll let you guys know how the fuck its gonna go down’

I’m with your brother - I love Brian getting excited for Mikey and Ben. He may not want marriage (loaded statement I know) but he wants to help others who do want it! Just like with Mel and Lindsay! (who are now broken up so that’s not a great example)

Brian has to go on the ride and not to LA for MANHOOD reasons. It’s stupid. It’s a dumb storyline. They could have done so much more with the history of the AIDS ride. Alas.

GAH! Work. More later!

[sarcazious-jimes]

Memory Blips

2 weeks ago, I had a scare.  It was Memorial Day weekend, ironically, and I had several “short term memory blips” while visiting the Englers.  I have felt myself “vanish” from conversations on several occasions before and started talking about whatever the original conversation made my brain start thinking about internally.  Often met with quizzical looks from strangers and “Oh Gregg” eye rolls from friends and loved ones.  I believe this is probably a little bit of a latent defense mechanism from when I was very hard of hearing.  I felt alone a lot so I would often go into my own head.  There is also...  age, long term daily alcohol use, and daily marijuana use.  Marijuana use definitely triggers “vanishing” because my creativity becomes almost uncontrollable.  My thoughts (usually about what kind of story/song/movie I would make) flash through my brain an incredible rate of speed.  If I happen to think of “a good one” and can start to really get going on making something, then reality has the tendency to disappear regardless of what reality I am in.  This is why I usually partake at the end of the day when I am alone.  I have done so almost every night for the last 3 years or so.  This time... weed was not involved.  For whatever reason I decided to leave my pen at home this time when we traveled.  I don’t know if my reaction was some kind of withdrawal symptom or what, but it frightened me.  I didn’t just vanish from the conversation this time.  I vanished from reality this time. 

We were out to eat on Friday.  I had probably had 2 light beers at the house and 2 IPAs at the restaurant.  Now, I realize that’s “not nothing,” but, it was stretched out over a time of 3-4 hours.  Dinner took forever because they got slammed right when we arrived.  The kids were done and bored by the time adult meals were just coming out.  My wife suggested that I take the kids home before everyone else left.  About 10 more minutes passed, I was able to ask for the check for my family, I paid, and we were ready to go.  My wife came with me and I drove her and the 3 kids back to the house.  Upon arriving, I opened another light beer and and went to start the fire pit in the backyard.  After it ignited, I went upstairs to change into a long sleeve shirt and walked in on my wife changing her clothes. 

I had completely forgotten that she drove home with me!  I said,  “When did you get home?”  And a look of concern came over her face.  It wasn’t until I saw that she was worried that I was jarred back into “the real reality.”  Her suggestion to take the kids home earlier... had been the thought that remained.

There were a couple more noticeable blank outs.  On Saturday, I had forgotten that a cat that once lived with me, went to live with my sister and then, on Sunday...once again... I had forgotten that Kimmy and Lou had driven IN MY CAR....WITH ME... to the pool.

Now, I know that “the party” lasts the entire time we are there when we visit the Englers.  This was 3 days of almost continuous alcohol use, but this felt “weed related.”  I don’t know if I’m right or not, but...

It is now 2 weeks without weed.  There is DEFINITELY withdrawal from weed.  Nothing bad...but wow...The dreams.  Some night sweats too, but mostly the incredibly vivid dreams...several ABOUT weed.  I have to say, many of them were entertaining, but wow...

That has now subsided.  I think I’ve been snacking less at night too.  I think it’s too soon to judge whether the weed was the culprit, but I haven’t had anything like that happen since.  I’m still not “sharp” by any stretch of the imagination, but at least there haven’t been any episodes like that since the first 3 days of quitting. 

I’ll be very interested to see how things go in Lake Norman next week because I will once again be “out of my routine.”  Honestly... Thank God.  I’m so absolutely sick of my routine that I truly feel like I need a vacation where I DO things purposely that are not in my normal windows of time and comfort.

I really hope that this is the last time I write about an experience like that and I REALLY hope that as I get older, I don’t ever look back on this entry and realize... The genetics and my behavior are washing me away.