#what if i just stay home and don't risk my and other people's health

[tardis--dreams]

What exactly is the point of naming an album and a tour """Give Me The Future""" when you don't play "Give Me The Future"- I'm gonna fucking scream

[jmtorres]

i just saw a post about how we just have to "live with" covid and wanting more protections from our government is unreasonable because we'll never wipe it out, it jumps species and is in all sorts of animal populations (like, true ok) so why even try to

and apparently the argument was aimed at people (who I haven't seen in the wild) who are arguing we should still be in lockdown. and i have mixed feelings about the idea of extended lockdown or attenuating isolations; but my main feeling at this point is not that the government should keep us apart but that the government should be trying to make it safer for us to be together

things the government could/should be doing about covid:

we know that ventilation/air movement helps a shitton. we should be incentivizing upgrades to ventilation systems in all public buildings with shit like rebates or tax deductions, while phasing in eventual legal requirements. (and uh. it has occurred to me that the US might actually be doing this sideways by there's currently this decade enormous tax incentives in re energy efficient upgrades for slowing climate change and you know. energy efficient hvac does tend to improve ventilation. extra point to biden here.)

mandatory paid sick leave so workers aren't under social or economic pressure to work when sick

passing out RT-LAMP tests like metrix that actually work instead of the rapid antigen tests that have become less and less reliable as the virus mutates

i don't know how you'd write this law but like 95% or more of computer-based work can be done remotely and companies should not be allowed to force people to return to the office. I know there's people who want to be back in person and I'm not saying they should be forced to stay home but ffs I know of at least two people CLOSE to me who worked remotely before the pandemic and at some point their workplaces tried to tell them they weren't allowed to do that anymore despite the pre-existing contracts. stop canceling remote work for people that want, need, or prefer it.

for that matter, every college lecture that was an online class during covid should still be offered as an online class, there is no reason to force students into auditoriums in person. you got the communications infrastructure up and running, why are you tearing it down. give people the OPTION. it increases accessibility for everyone!

covid vaccine immunity lasts about four months. this should be well-publicized and everyone should be able to re-up for free every four months. "every year, like the flu vaccine" is demonstrably not often enough. actually "for free" isn't good enough start handing out $10 gift cards you will be shocked at how many people who are resistant to the idea of vaccines will fold for $10 a shot

are there already laws on the books about masks in medical settings that some medical professionals are blatantly ignoring because they forgot what best practices were before the plague and they're 'tired of masking'? if not, pass laws. if so, fucking enforce them

oh another incentives for upgrades phasing into legal requirements thing: brass doorknobs and railings over stainless steel or whatever. microbes do not survive on brass surfaces

i mean. i know this one sounds too extreme to a lot of people but. UBI.

most if not all of these measures will prevent or ameliorate other pandemics of different diseases that may arise in the future. and just. generally improve our health and quality of life for other reasons.

I haven't felt safe to go to a concert since 2020. Maybe if I knew a venue was legally required to have ventilation to a certain standard and that none of the ticket takers and ushers were on the job sick to avoid risking loss of paycheck or job, and knew a larger percentage of the crowd had up to date vaccinations--maybe if any or all that, I might ever feel comfortable going to a show again.

wouldn't it be nice if those of us who have been disabled, by covid or other conditions, had accessible remote options but also occasionally felt safe enough to interact with and participate in wider society?

one of the arguments on the post I saw was how isolation was massively psychologically damaging and various strata of society were affected in all sorts of ways, from undersocialized kids to increased depression in--well across the board, I think. and here's the thing: WE KNOW. PEOPLE WITH CHRONIC HEALTH CONDITIONS, LONG COVID OR OTHERWISE, KNOW ISOLATION SUCKS REAL BAD. because we, both for our own health and due to disability ostracism, are still isolating and isolated more than most.

what are you as individuals or societies, what are our governments, doing to help make it safe and accessible to rejoin you????

[eyecandyandbraincandy-blog]

Society for the last five years (and counting)

Public health: Hey, so we're tracking this new trend of ovens possibly burning people. It seems bad, we're gonna need more data.

Scientists: On it, we're gonna learn about the oven and what causes burns.

Government: Okay, here's what they're saying about ovens and how not to get burned. Let's shut everything down until this burning passes and then we can go back to normal.

Libs: YES! You can do your part and flatten the curve so we can reduce the amount of burns!

Conservatives: I'm sticking my head in the oven. Y'all don't own me, you libtards! Even if the oven can burn you, I'm wearing this super special glove.

Scientists: That glove is for checking horse prostates. Don't do that.

Government: Actually, if you inject yourself with gasoline, you'll clean that risk of burns right out of your skin.

Scientists: Don't. Do. That.

Libs: We trust science! We care about people! They don't! Let's stay strong, people!

*months later*

Corporations: Hey, so, our profits-

Government: Say no more, fam. We got this. PUT YOUR GRANDMA IN THE OVEN FOR THE ECONOMY.

Libs: Look how callous they are! We're the good ones.

Public health: Actually, needing to be careful when operating ovens has been SO hard on the American people. You can use the ovens without mittens for a bit as a break.

*a year of rolling back measures*

Corporations: BUT MUH PROFITS

Government: Okay, y'all. This is cute, but go back to work. Tell them to go back to work. Public emergency's over.

Public health: Look, some people are gonna get burned using the oven. Mitts are cute but it's really about your personal risk tolerance. So just let those people get burned, they'll die off and we'll be good as new.

Science: Actually don't do that. Our data's clear, here's all the ways to get burned and here's how serious those consequences can be. Wear oven mitts. But we have this vaccine now and it WILL HELP. But we're not sure what the efficacy is yet. So let's be cautious until we have more data.

Public health: You hear that? Vaccines. Yummy, get them so we can be done with this!

Conservatives: God damn it, they're all tryna give us the pokey-jabby-stabby to try and convince us the earth is ROUND, to be liberal femboy sissies and get gay autistic married transes. FAUCI PLANDEMIC HOAX KILLARY CLINTON AND SLEEPY JOE. DON'T DO IT.

Libs: We trust the science! We're gonna get the jabby pokey stab and then we're done! No more mitts.

Science: Well, actually-

Libs: SEE WE'RE DONE! All vaxxed and relaxed. We trusted the science and now it's over! Back to normal! I've been DYING to do some baking. My mental health was so terrible when we couldn't use the ovens!

People following the science who don't want to get burned: Hey, I actually really liked baking too. But I can't really do it safely since there's not oven mitts anywhere and now people are just cooking with flamethrowers. That's not really safe.

Society: BUT OUR MENTAL HEALTH WAS TERRIBLE WHEN OVENGATE WAS HAPPENING AND WE WANT TO BAKE. IF YOU'RE SO FREAKED OUT THEN STOP BAKING FOREVER AND STAY HOME.

People following the science: But you just said the isolation was bad for mental heal-

Society: YEAH MY MENTAL HEALTH. MY PERSONAL RISK. MY BODY MY CHOICE I TRUSTED THE SCIENCE.

Government and corporations: Excellent.

*A few years later*

Society: New mystery burns are popping up here and there and they seem to revolve around a kitchen???? What's going on???

Government: It's nothing, shut the fuck up and go back to work. We beat the ovens.

Society: Okay!

Science: Actually, the vaccine DOES significantly reduce the likelihood that the burns will kill you, but you can still get burned, others can get burned, and you can still have long term health-

Public "health": No, yeah, it's nothing. Some people are gonna get burned. And that's bad, but also like inevitable? Make sure you wash your face before operating an oven.

Libs: It's all about personal risk tolerance. I'm not going to live in fear with oven mitts anymore! I NEED TO BAKE.

*months later*

Society: Why's everyone getting burns constantly?

Lather, rinse, repeat.

[louisa-gc]

de-influencing you

from someone who gets overwhelmed any time she opens a social media application.

expensive cosmetics. keep it simple and stick to skincare, makeup and hair products you know and trust. i've tried it all from salon shampoos and high-end concealers to ridiculously priced face oils and praised nail polishes, only to realise my favourites are the affordable drugstore products i can easily repurchase. it's the ingredients that matter, not the prestige or popularity of a brand or the amount of products in your routine.

new clothes. of course you can and should replace your holey socks and the jeans you've grown out of, but i'm certain most of us have more clothes than we need. what if we tried to use up (and, when possible, mend) our existing pieces instead of getting new trousers and sneakers just because there's now a trendier option out there?

dietary supplements. unless you have a deficiency and have been told by a healthcare professional to take a supplement, you probably don't need one. with a healthy, varied diet, you can skip all those green powders, probiotics and multivitamins, that weirdly enough have become part of some internet aesthetics. if, however, you do need to supplement (as i need to with iron), make sure you know what is in the product you're buying and how it works best — iron, for example, should be taken on an empty stomach and with vitamin c.

internet aesthetics. your style, your whole lifestyle, doesn't need to fit an "aesthetic". it's tiresome to try and classify your tastes and attempt to stuff them into the narrow confines of these artificial ideals. do things you enjoy, decorate and dress according to what appeals to your eye and forget about the rest.

regular beauty treatments. if your skin is healthy, a normal at-home skincare routine should be enough to make sure your face is glowing. a (fake) tan, hair removal and manicured nails aren't and shouldn't be necessities either, but if your beauty routines are important to you, just do the things at home and save your resources for more valuable pursuits than the ever-expanding requirements of modern womanhood.

cosmetic injections or surgeries. i've always been of the opinion that we should all be allowed to do as we please with our bodies, without shame or judgement from others. however, the more i learn about the risks of cosmetics procedures and the rates of patients' dissatisfaction with their results, the more negatively i've started to view it all. with more and more people walking around with filler, botox and surgically enchanced or erased features, i worry about our ability to accept ourselves as we are. i worry about the class divide these procedures are creating (who can afford it at all? who can afford a good result?) and i worry about people spending massive amounts of money and time on what are essentially unnecessary health risks. so i say: don't do it.

anything designer. as we all know, price and quality don't always go hand in hand. while i'm all for choosing great quality lasting products, popular designer brands might not necessarily be the way to go. people haven't ditched designer goods just because the go-to style is now "old money"; they've just moved from gucci to céline. i personally don't think any designer brand is really worth it, but wherever you buy, at least pay attention to materials and construction, and stay away from counterfeit goods.

trying to look "expensive". while i have always had a more classic style and was raised never to show logos ("you're not a free advertisement, dear"), i find the "looking expensive" thing such a strange trend, one that returns whenever times are financially unstable. even though i wholeheartedly approve of buying timeless quality pieces (if that is a style you actually enjoy), i don't think anyone should do so in order to look wealthy. nobody will think you're the trust fund offspring of a centuries-old family if you aren't, and most of all, nobody really cares whether you are one or not. the thing is, you really cannot tell whether someone is wealthy based on their looks, so why spend time and money trying to look the part?

clothes that don't fit your lifestyle. it's difficult to resist cute athleisure, but as someone who only wears workout clothes to actually exercise three times a week, i know i only need two or three sets. buy pieces that fit your everyday life, not the life you wish you had. no amount of cocktail dresses will make your life a flurry of parties, if these events are already few and far between.

most stationery products. i love stationery as much as the next person: i love a good notebook, beautiful pens and all the related little knick-knacks, but frankly, i only use one mechanical pencil, a specific type of black gel pens, and three notebooks at a time. no matter how cute some highlighters, letter papers or pastel page markers may be, i have zero reason to buy them.

trending books. i know this might be a controversial one, but buying piles of books on the recommendation of social media influencers isn't a smart use of space and money. just last year i got myself half a dozen popular titles from a cute bookshop, but ended up regretting the purchases because i only liked one of them. borrow the trendy new books from your local public library, and if you really want to collect books, only buy ones that you really love.

[capricorn-0mnikorn]

More of my older writing on Monsters as Disability Metaphors (abridged, emphasis added to portions, to be louder for the people in back)

(Originally posted to LiveJournal/Cross-posted to Dreamwidth on 10 February, 2011)

The word "Monster" comes from the Latin for "omen" or "sign" (the same root as 'demonstrate'), and originally referred to human or animal offspring born with missing or extra limbs. Such births were interpreted by the priests and oracle-readers as a sign that the Gods were angry, and was taken as a warning to prepare for devastating punishments against the whole society.

I was struck, reading that, that it was not, originally, the monster itself (himself, herself, ouself...) that was angry or wished to wreak havoc, as we define the word today, but was simply the unwitting, and unwilling, messenger of the gods' anger. Blaming the monster for the coming wrath is like blaming the stop sign for the car that runs you over.

Human psychology being what it is, however, such transference is predictable. The ostracization of the disabled, the denial of our existence within a society, probably stems from a desire to deflect Divine Wrath:

"What? Who, us? Oh, no... We're not the people who're sinning... no, nope. You warned us, sent us an omen, Jove? You sure? 'Cause no such monster was born around here. You must be looking for that other village, over in the next valley."

*whistle* *eyedart*

That's the reason why I don't trust the medical model, or the medical industry. Doctors started out as priests, using magic and ritual to summon spirits and banish demons of illness. Scientific discoveries have changed the language used to describe phenomena, and have changed the way an illness or difference is analyzed on a physical level. But if you peel back the generational layers from teacher to student, teacher to student, it won't take long before you find the superstitious beliefs that link physical conditions to sin and/or righteousness.

Why else, when Christopher Reeve was recruited to help raise money for Spinal Chord Injury research, would all the attention be focused on "Getting up, out of the chair, and walking" instead of treating the invisible health risks of spinal cord injury that actually shorten lifespans (controlling blood pressure and body temperature, etc.), if not to hide the 'mark' of disability from the society?

Why else would people with visible disabilities be shamed for not seeking cures at the same time that people with invisible disabilities are shamed if they do?

Why else would Medicare (in America) only provide money for assistive technology if you need it to function behind the walls of your own home (and "function" being limited, here, to: eating, pooping, and sleeping), but would deny you the funding if you intend to use it to hold down your job, raise your kids, or volunteer in the community?

Why else would demands for inclusion be treated as if they were deliberately hostile acts?

It's almost as if people still believed that if Jove saw the "monsters" had indeed been born into our village, we wouldn't be able to dodge the floods and fires any longer... So that if a disabled person dares to go out in public, that person must want to invite the lightning bolts, and destroy our society. How dare they?! Why can't they just realize it would be better for everyone if they just stayed home, and focused their attention on being good cripples?

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

I've been struggling a lot with anxiety and depression about COVID. Only one person in my immediate family still regularly wears a mask, and even my friends and significant other don't often wear them. I feel like the most I've been able to do is continue to try to model good practice by masking most of the time, but I don't directly address the issue with anyone. I wonder sometimes if I should be distancing myself from friends and family that don't mask. I've felt really alone and hurt, because it seems like people don't care about making spaces safe for people who are immunocompromised. The most hope I get is from seeing people around me at the grocery store and on public transport who still mask. I've felt especially deep disappointment in the church, because I thought we were supposed to take care of each other and take care of those who society marginalizes, but so many people there have stopped masking too. I also feel a lot of anxiety that *I'm* not doing enough. Do you have any place you draw hope / comfort from when it comes to COVID issues? (I know this message is a lot of anxious thoughts, so no worries if you aren't able to respond.)

Ach anon, I'm sorry for the delay; this hits very close to home. I am with you in your frustration, your sense of isolation, your lament. This got really long, so my TL;DR is this prayer:

The Body of Christ has COVID.

The Body of Christ is immunocompromised.

Blessed are they who cannot go to church, because to do so would risk their health and lives, for God hears their grief; God holds them in their loneliness; God treasures their worship wherever it takes place.

Blessed are they who keep on masking — even when it feels useless, even when facing mockery or pressure — for theirs is the Kin-dom where the last are first, the oppressed are lifted high.

Blessed are they who mourn and rage against unjust systems, for they will be given the courage and strength they need to join God's revolution.

___

Now the long response. I feel your pain — especially your disappointment with faith communities that stopped requiring masks long ago — for so many of us (and it really is so many of us, even if distance and silence makes it easy for each person to feel like they're the only person hurt, the only person who gives a damn), that's been just the latest bead in a long string of disillusionment at human iterations of Church.

How indeed can we claim to follow the one who makes his home among those the world calls "least," when we fail the bare minimum steps at ensuring such people can at the very least enter our spaces without risking their health and lives??

It's a stark reminder that the Church as a human institution =/= the Body of Christ — and sadly, in fact, often makes itself hostile to that Body. We are called to prioritize, to center, to treat with greatest honor those parts of the Body that are most vulnerable (1 Cor 12).

It's no wonder so many of us end up seeking spiritual homes outside Church, when Church tends to center the very opposite kinds of people. Meanwhile, others stay, calling Church out for these failings and calling Church into a better way. (I personally find myself on a tightrope between those two options — taking frequent breaks from capital C Church to find spiritual nourishment beyond it, and to fuel myself to step back in and keep calling for that better way, as many times as it takes.)

___

I wish I had more comfort to offer, places I find encouragement. I'm definitely with you that seeing others masking out and about is huge balm to my soul. It's so easy to feel utterly alone in this, but we aren't! There are others who care, who are dong their small part, and it does matter!

...But mostly I just have shared lament — which is the soul's outcry that this is not how things are meant to be:

"[Lament is] an innate awareness that what is should not be. As if something is written on our hearts that tells us exactly what we are meant for, and whenever confronted with something contrary to this, we experience a crumbling. And in the rubble, we say, God, you promised. We ask, Why?" - Cole Arthur Riley, This Here Flesh

Make space for lament. Hold on to the truth that this really is not how things are meant to be, that God has promised something better — and that therefore, something better is coming! It is unfolding right now, every time one small person, one small community, chooses to believe that a better world is possible, and acts on that belief.

This truth in a better world is not shallow progressivism, the idea that the future will automatically be better than the past — we can look around and see how false that is! Assuming that things will just magically work themselves out lulls us into passivity.

No, this is a truth with teeth, with a loud voice, with feet and hands ready to join the Spirit's movement in making the arc of the universe bend towards justice, dammit, because it sure as hell won't bend that way by itself.

___

...Whoops, I'm rambling far beyond just masking lol— but the failure to keep masking seems like such a stark example of everything that is holding us back from justice that it's hard for me not to start thinking bigger!

When it comes to masking, you are doing your part. It's our wider communities that are failing — and I don't just mean individuals within those communities.

When I find my rage and despair about COVID directing itself towards individuals — whether that's churchgoers and colleagues, or close friends, or strangers I pass at the store — I try to remind myself that my anger and lament are better directed towards whole systems that are keeping us trapped in this horrific cycle of intentional ignorance or despair and isolation.

It's absolutely okay to feel hurt and frustrated by loved ones who don't hear us when we ask for their support. It does hurt! I wish it were easier to convince people to just wear a dang mask! And also, at some point we have to focus on what powers hold them captive, influencing their decision to go about their day as if COVID isn't still happening.

Why have people stopped masking — if they ever masked at all? Who profits when misinformation runs rampant? when people isolate for a couple days tops before heading back to work, still sick with a potentially disabling or deadly disease? when elderly and immunocompromised people, and people shoved away into nursing homes and prisons, and immigrants, etc. are left to die of COVID in private as everyone else goes about their day in a public with no room for such people?

And most of all, who profits when everyone feels so helpless about it all, resigned to COVID continuing far into the future, that they decide there's no point in them being the "only ones" to keep masking?

This isn't the post to carry on about those systems lol, but I do want to briefly name them so that no one can misinterpret what I'm saying into some conspiracy theory:

I'm talking about capitalism and fascism, about neoliberalism and nationalism and hyper-individualism. The systems that have allowed billionaires to become even richer during a global pandemic; that have allowed politicians to gain further control with an anti-vax agenda or by blaming one foreign entity or another for all our troubles; that have keep everyday people so exhausted and isolated and feeling so helpless that they don't have the time or energy to research fact over falsehood, or to take even small steps to protect themselves people they care about.

The failure to mask is a symptom — a major, deadly symptom, but just a symptom nevertheless — of the oppressive forces holding us all captive. I honestly don't know if remembering that just leads to more anger and grief, or whether it can motivate us to keep fighting those bigger evils. I think for me it depends on the day.

Sometimes I have a little despair session; I rant and rage against anyone and everything.

Then I pull myself out of that despair — or, more often, I allow someone to pull me out of it, with a suggestion for one tiny way I can make a change.

___

Sorry this is so long. Not sure how helpful it was, but I am with you, anon. I feel and respect all you are feeling.

And I'm so grateful for your continued masking, even when it feels like you're the only person left doing it — you're not, and it's not useless. Maybe someone who sees you masking will think about pulling a mask back on themselves; or even just that they're overdue for their next COVID booster. Maybe someone will see you and remember that some people do care about chronically ill people like them.

Keep on going; you are not alone. Solidarity forever <3

[lucius-morningstar]

Just want to share a little (Lucius Morningstar Info)

Hey, so I don't know if everyone on here likes Lucius as much as I do. If you're here for him and the snippets, and you genuinely love him as much as I do. Thank you. It means a lot that people are enjoying it. The fact some people view me as a favorite in any aspect is honestly touching and I've never had it happen before. So I want to explain a little more about my AU please. Also sharing this art done by ArtinandWritin

Lucius and Charlie are twins, ya'll know that but in my AU Lucifer and Lilith don't split up at a young age, in fact they go through a big strain through Charlie and Lucius's older years. To the point where Lucius just shuts it out and Charlie smiles through the pain. When they (Lilith and Lucifer) started to get strained, they began avoiding each other in hopes the feelings would calm down so they could have a conversation. That never happens, due to avoiding problems they basically make it worse. In my AU basically they leave the care to imps, Razzle and Dazzle and others. Lucius decides ya know what fuck it. Let them be the way they want and he'll do what he feels he was meant to do. Be there for Charlie. So he puts it into his head that his purpose is to make sure his sister is safe and happy. To anyone whose watched RWBY I am trying to give them a similar relationship to Yang and Ruby. The parents lose themselves in depression and accidentally block out their kids feelings in the matter. Lucius ends up teaching himself to cook and helps his sister with daily tasks becoming a pseudo parent/guardian without actually meaning too. He genuinely loves his sister and does everything to keep her spirits up even at the risk of his own mental health. Even when shit gets hard and he loses friends due to the exterminations. He goes into such a low place and nearly leaves. This happens when his parents are basically separated and doing their own thing. He basically put himself into a fatherly role but in doing this, he also sheltered Charlie from a lot of pain. She has done her best to be there for him, don't get her wrong especially during his ultimate loss did she try her best to keep his spirits up. Nearly leaving his sister begged him not to go and in that moment he basically shut down. He openly chooses to stay in his demon form (Horns and all) as a way to warn people not to fuck around with his family. He has killed, many sinners. Sinners he believed could not be fixed nor wanted to be fixed. He didn't get them all but he got enough to make a name for himself where most sinners are careful enough to avoid Charlie at all costs. Lucius is not healthy by any means, he is basically drowning in his own grief which is preventing him from really moving on and being happy. His only real goal in his eyes is to protect his sister. Nothing else matters. Not the sinners, not his home, not his needs or life. He realizes it's not healthy and he is slowly learning to be better but that process is far longer then he'd like it to be. If you have questions please do not hesitate to ask. I'd love to answer.

[dreameroutofthewater]

I'm Ukrainian. I'm not sure how long I'm going to live. I'm not sure how long I will be able to see my home. I'm not even sure I'm really safe at any point, and at nights I'm listening to any sound, awaiting for a missile to hit my home and then for the sirens to blare across the city. This had happened before to other people in my city and I'm not safe from a sonic missile either.

I can't read news well anymore. I can't be carefree either. When I'm serious, I see how hostile governments of other countries are, and even when our people are dying, they don't feel the pain from it in their hearts. They can accept our loss and mourn our country if it falls, they're not fighting with us in a battle of life and death. They help but not enough, never enough. Then I see that my people can accept this life, they can allow themselves to relax and make mistakes, like they have forgotten that our lives are at stake. Then, when I try to relax, I see brain-dead and ignorant privileged people from places that had never seen war claiming they are the supreme justice and that everyone else is simply wrong. I can't trust anyone these days.

When I come to chat websites during air raids to at least make sure someone knows if I am killed during one, everyone there only offers me prayers and condolences. That's not what I need. I need money for my army, I need smart people, I need compassionate people, I need everyone to help fight this terror off. No god can save me like action of people can.

My nerves are torn, I'm losing sight of my life and my future. I don't know if I'm going to be alive. The thought of actually dying, in real life, after so many troubles and events, after existing and fighting and hoping to have a meaning...

I don't want to die. I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want to watch how others let my life be destroyed. I don't want to be killed by missiles, by bullets, by smiling ignorant faces and consumerism, by prayers and condolences, by inactivity and ignorance of those who know they're going to live a full life, when mine is going to be taken away from me.

I'm Ukrainian and I don't know why I was born if I'm going to die in this way.

My hands are red with blood and I don't know anymore if it's mine, my people, blood of other people, or just a hallucination produced by endless stress and fear. I cursed this world before, I cursed fate, I know everyone has this blood on their hands since the beginning of times. I wish I never existed at all if I had to be a part of this.

I'm alone and I'm overwhelmed and I'm mutated from each day of this war. How scary it is to lift your eyes from the ground and see true death staring at you from the way your future should have been. You hope it's a mirage and keep going forward with all the strength that you have, but it's still there, still keeping you in its claws of fear. I wish I could get high or drunk to the point I would forget about it, but my mind is far too strong to let go of all the risks that it can't control.

I'm Ukrainian and I measure the weight of my words. From me depends whether people will know the truth, whether they support Ukraine or not, whether they feel hope and motivation or fall into russian propaganda. I don't have the right for a mistake, a right to be upset or angry, because I don't know if me whining too much in pain will cost me my life. I was 17 when the war began, soon, if death is a mirage by then, I'll turn 20 in less than 2 months. I began caring about my mental health before the war began. I feel my brain rotting and the black gooey sap spreading through my soul. I don't have the right to die, because that's what russians want for me the most. I don't have a right to end my own life because then they'll win against me. I don't have the right to be weak, emotionally or physically, at any moment. I have no idea what can cost me my life, nor do I know how to protect myself.

I want to stay home. I want to wake up someday and know I'll see the sunrise for sure, and that I'll see my home once more. I want to wake up and see a hopeful future again, instead of a dark death in my dreams. I want to see my family and not to be worried whether they'll survive the next month. I want to build my life and not have ground fall under my feet into an abyss. I want to choose my path, and whine about so many choices, instead of running away from one choice russians made for all of us — death and stuff worse than death. I want to listen to one song I heard a day before the war and promised not to listen to it again until the war is over. I hope I can allow myself to make mistakes without weighing my life on them, and finally find strength to fight for others, like others had fought for me. I hope to never feel like a mutated monster again.

[gwemmieee]

Happy trans day of visibility. This is the first one I feel like I can really celebrate, because my life has finally started.

This year, having a real family that loves me unconditionally is new to me. Having a support network that puts effort into being there for me is new to me. Being able to meet other people like me in person and feel like we can all exist without fear is new to me, and amazing. Having a safe home where I can truly relax and stop feeling like I'm under attack by my family, by the world, by societal pressures, by lack of food/ housing security, etc., is new to me.

The fact is I didn't actually know what safety and love were until other people showed me. Despite a lifetime of obsessively studying it and trying to show it to others. It just doesn't sink in until you experience it firsthand.

2 years and 2 months ago I made the decision to stop suppressing who I really am. 2 years ago I made the decision to not unalive myself in the hospital after an accident resulting in permanent disability. 1 year ago I made the decision to leave the only home I'd known and the only family I'd known to go try to build a brand new life with brand new people in a brand new place. A few months ago I made the decision to stop turning all of the world's pressures inward on myself and finally allow myself to breathe. For my whole life, I've only ever made the healthiest choices available to me at the time. But these specific choices were the best decisions I ever made.

After 29 years of learning and knowing nothing but how I can best survive in the toxic masculine, misogynistic, transphobic, ableist, cruel, unfeeling, and downright predatory environment that I used to call home, how to survive when all of the closest people to me only value my usefulness to them and not my humanity, in 2024, I'm finally starting to learn how to do anything else. How to be anyone else. How to be myself.

Now, I get to start actually growing up and becoming who I've always wanted to be. And it feels amazing.

But it's not all amazing and good feelings all the time. 3 decades of trauma and a fascist colonialist capitalist state don't just go away.

Seattle is the safest place I've ever heard of for our people, and it's amazing how much better it is than anywhere else, but the overall treatment we get from society is still far below the bare minimum that less marginalized folks take for granted.

I still don't feel safe being outside by myself and carry pepper spray everywhere. I still feel alienated and unwelcome among my own people half the time simply because most people don't handle trauma very well. I still am objectively just one big financial hardship away from homelessness. I still am too burdened by trauma and stress and disability to actually work a full time schedule for all 12 months in a year, and working such a schedule at all still comes with severe mental and physical health risks, and there is simply not enough support from society to change that right now, but I'm having to make it happen anyway if I want to stay housed and fed.

I'm at the point now where for a few days out of the week on average, I get to actually feel happy and healthy on the level that most people take for granted. And it's amazing. But like clockwork, every time I feel that great for a few days, I inevitably have nightmares followed by a slow and heavy morning in which I just can't stop thinking about my past trauma. I'm trying to learn how to channel it better so that I can at least feel OK about times like these. Someday I want to be an accomplished author, musician, etc., but right now I'm only just learning from scratch how to begin to communicate my darkness in ways that are comprehended and healthy. With stuff like this tumblr post.

Ultimately, I think I'll be OK, but only because the people who can help me choose to help me, and I still need so much more help.

But most of all, I want you to have a specific takeaway from reading this. This might be starting to change now, but throughout my life, most of the people who got to know me enough to perceive all my scars, all the flaws and ignorances and miscommunications that still plagued my behavior at that time, would cut and run. They would make assumptions about me as a person and decide that they no longer wanted to have anywhere near as close a relationship with me. And without actually communicating a word of any of that, they would instead just flip that switch where they think of me as a person to the off position, and they would ghost me.

And I get it. I ghost people too. I stop giving eye contact to strangers on the street who gave me bad vibes. I cut people out of my life when they've knowingly crossed clear boundaries that I defined because I needed those boundaries respected to feel safe. These are safe and healthy things to do. I personally have seen most of the old friends from my old life that I still had, exit my life now in the past half year, simply because I put my foot down on boundaries I needed and they decided they liked their fictional version of me who didn't have such boundaries better than the real me.

But one thing I have never done and never will do, is get so close to someone that we start opening up to each other on some level, and then run away without a single attempt to clearly communicate boundaries and give them a chance to be better.

That shit is why I took so long to figure out what I was missing in my life. When you do that to someone, you leave them with every reason to suspect they've done something wrong, but no information to figure out exactly what it is they did that was wrong. So they start filling in the blanks with their own biases and misconceptions. Oh, I guess I scared her off by being too weird because I'm so autistic and effeminate. Oh, I guess he hates me now because I was too emotional. Oh, I guess they stopped inviting me to parties because of how annoying I am when I start talking about a subject I'm passionate about. Oh, I guess they're all doing better than me because they're better than me at just getting over all of these insecurities and being more charming and interesting, and that's why they're finally getting to marry someone who really loves them and have their happily ever after.

It's much worse when you're also brainwashed by your abusive family to think their conditional acceptance and inconsistent episodes of intolerance or hypocrisy are all normal healthy family behaviors. You start internalizing everything about you that they've ever disapproved of. You start burying everything about yourself that nobody has been brave enough to love, which in my case was everything about myself, period.

This becomes a source of trauma. It is literally a trauma trigger for me now every time someone who I've been given reason to think would likely understand me and want to get to know me, doesn't. It's the worst kind of trauma trigger, because just like when an edgy comedian singles you out for your marginalized identity, I do not get a chance to have any dialogue with the person who triggered me about how they hurt me and why, and if I don't have real love and support from others in my life, then the whole experience teaches me to be more selective and hypervigilant with who I let myself hope might treat me like a full person and how much of myself I let myself express outwardly. This is what it is to have abandonment issues and RSD.

And it is hard to go on living like this even after my happy ending. Yes, I have real family now. Yes, I have a support network and real access to my community now. But for the rest of my life, I will always be cursed with a harsh truth about the world. I will always intensely identify with a category of people who more often than not will hurt me given the chance. Because at the end of the day, most people are awful at handling their trauma in healthy ways without hurting others, and marginalization only makes you more likely to have more trauma that makes you more harmful. Marginalization raises the bar you have to cross in order to survive and have a positive impact on the world, based on how kind a person you are. It lowers your chances of ultimately being a good person. That's the biggest reason why marginalization needs to end.

I am fundamentally an amazing person. I'm tied with a few others as the most patient, kind, inviting, understanding, and compassionate person I know. But it doesn't always look that way to other people. I've spent so much time in hell that I have rough edges that I never asked for, that I wound never have had if it was up to me, that are a direct result of abuse and trauma. But sometimes, when people see those rough edges, and they can't fathom on their own that I have just been through that much hell that I internalized some of it, they choose to make assumptions and leave. And it's their loss, because if they'd stuck around then they might have noticed that my natural state is to bend over backwards to help someone else feel comfortable. I truly love learning new lessons about how to help people feel more comfortable and I'm really good at learning them quickly and permanently adjusting my behavior. And they miss out on all of that because they weren't willing to even try. But before now, it was my loss too. The primary reason I took 27 years to figure out my gender, 28 years to figure out my family was always going to be abusive, and 29 years to figure out that I can escape all of that and be happy, is because it simply took that long for less than a dozen wonderful people to find me and actually give me a chance.

And again, I get it. This shit can be scary. If you're seriously considering ghosting someone without communicating first, then I'm willing to bet they hurt you or scared you so much that you're struggling to empathize with them as a person. That's why it's so easy not to think about what ghosting them might do to them. I have had so many moments where I was so afraid of communicating with that person that I was shaking from fear and belaboring over it for hours. And let me be clear, nobody should ever have to feel that way. If a situation like that is scaring you that much, please consider your own safety first. But that doesn't mean you have to ghost them. These kinds of situations are exactly why we've invented practices like mediation and setting boundaries. These are fair and rational ways to come to an understanding when we're so scared that empathy isn't enough. Take a break from thinking about it, if you have to. Nobody needs to hear from you immediately. There is nothing wrong with taking some time to ground yourself and separate yourself from that situation until you can come back to it from better place. Just remember that if you've made them feel like you're a friend they can trust, then you owe it to them not to break that trust. All you have to do is communicate clear boundaries one time, and then if they keep being awful, then they've broken your trust and it's fair to ghost them.

So please, be safe, and set boundaries, but also, please communicate those boundaries and give others a chance. There are so few of us out there who are kind enough to respect every clear and fair boundary we know of, and every single one of us has very little hope of survival until someone else like us gives us a chance. There are too few of us. We are too valuable. Please lift a finger to help each other.

This, I think, is the biggest lesson that everybody needs to learn next if the world is going to become safer for us anytime soon. Happy trans day of visibility!

[flightfoot]

I know I’m in the minority of people who like Hermes in the original PJO series so I’m staying on anon here because of it. To be honest, I always saw him as morally gray.

My take on the ‘gods can’t change’ statement; isn’t him justifying his mistakes and saying that he’s unwilling to change. If that were true, he wouldn’t give Percy a list of his children and ask him to bring them to camp or even admit he was wrong about how he treated Annabeth and Luke at the end of TLO. I think he feels perpetually trapped. Forced to go through the motions and then dealing with such a difficult situation. That regardless of the actions that he takes; others are bound to get hurt. His family especially. He doesn’t want to risk that. He doesn’t want them harmed and he knows that he’s a bit of a coward for not being able to stand up to Zeus. I think the idea that gods can’t change is more like I am beginning to think that my family will never change. That despite all my best efforts and my own changing; it still won’t make much of a difference. He’s basically nihilistic in this situation and has given up hope. As the god tasked with keeping the peace without Hestia’s help; he may feel helpless. I think he loved Luke but at the time he believed that no one could go against the Fates. Not even him. That by protecting him, it would make his relationship with Luke worse or doom everyone involved to a worse fate. He lost his lover Krokos to a tragic fate. His mother too. Same with May and others. I doubt he wants them to suffer like that. To grieve again. It’s always better for him to be the bad guy to those hurt by Olympus than for people to blame his family or themselves.

tw. racism and mental health

I guess I was the one weird kid who kind of understood where the god was coming from. My home life wasn’t great and I was forced to be my family’s peacekeeper. I had to be what everyone wanted me to be otherwise I lost opportunities. I wouldn’t get a job, have friends etc.. I had to be a model minority being Asian American. I protested and fought. Had quiet rebellions, but no one ever listened. I needed someone to listen. Not necessarily agree but hear me. I see that with Hermes.

I can understand people disagreeing. I respect differences in opinions. I am just tired of seeing Hermes as only pure evil and irredeemable content. He’s an important god and I feel like I’m the only one who likes this character. I think maybe it’s best that I stop engaging with the RR fandom for a bit. I am just too invested in something that should just be fun and easygoing.

...most people don't like Hermes in the original PJO series? I did, quite a bit. Like, he wasn't perfect, but he really DID care about what was going on with Luke, and he seemed self-aware about how shitty the situation was for demigods. His attitude in TLO reminded me of Apollo's in the later TOA books (there's a reason I made him and Artemis allies in my Gods' Eye View series. Well, that and because he and Apollo are besties in mythology).

And yeah I mean, Hermes isn't the only immortal to espouse the view that they can't change, Apollo and Bob claimed the same thing (which was especially laughable in Bob's case). It seems pretty ingrained in immortal thinking, even with how clearly wrong it is.

I ascribe to your view of Hermes' thinking and attitude. He seems bitter and helpless at the end of TLO, honestly believing that things won't change, and just... he seems like he's given up. He cares, but he doesn't expect to be able to change anything.

And yeah, stepping back from the RR fandom may be good for a bit, in this case, since sadly in my experience, fandoms tend to continue happily vilifying characters. I haven't seen a lot of people being all that serious about it with Hermes, but I haven't really seen much Hermes content for PJO more generally, since I'm mostly in the Trials of Apollo sphere and he only gets a cameo there.

[tadpolesonalgae]

i like that we finally got to see reader with the ic but it always leaves me feeling even worse for her because they are overlooking her like crazy. i like that nesta came back to invite her to day court with her but the fact that eris knew about the trip before she did? i get that she doesn't really ask or care much for what they do (i think it's more she doesn't think she deserves to know which is even worse) but i mean at this point it's safe to say she barely knows what's happening with her family and even if she likes to isolate herself and all that it's not a good thing. i like the way she was thinking during the dinner because i have that problem too even with family so it really felt realistic but im sorry to go in on the ic again but mor was the only one who tried getting her to talk and mor is also one of the ones that isn't really related to her. it's also a bit weird that rhys doesn't really try talking with her because one thing about rhysand he likes the sound of his own voice, also cass especially when nesta was talking to her, cass is the friendliest one so even him kinda ignoring her is a bit.. all i'm getting is they don't trust her, whether because they don't think much of her or think she'd fuck things up or even they just genuinely don't.

and i mean the part with eris was nice but it just shows even more how out of it she is at home and doesn't really leave any indication that she should stay there. like she was dreading being with her family but she was excited to speak to the dude she barely knows and is kind of an asshole and that part "I don’t get to spend my days simply lying around to pester the only person who’ll give me a scrap of attention." like he's right and it sucks tbh. her family really doesn't give her any attention. and even how he already has her figured out by a couple interactions and no one in the ic even knows shit about her like i get that eris is very observant but so is literally everyone else in the ic and you can kinda see az starting to observe her and try to figure her out (he was observing her way too closely like i love him dearly but i know for a fact mr spymaster over there can be less obvious to the point she has to tell him to stop staring and he doesnt). idk i just wish the ic didn't treat her like a child that can feed herself so they don't even have to check on. and as mean as eris was being he's right so many times like this part "It’s a little embarrassing that you don’t already know. What are they teaching you over there? How to be an emotional burden?" too like it was so mean but it's true, they're not teaching her literally anything and it is embarrassing to watch like i just want her to speak up for herself. i get that she doesn't want to be like nesta probably because she was on the end of her sharp words way too often but it's so frustrating seeing her hide herself like that and i refuse to believe no one in the ic noticed she's holding back, unless they're really not even giving her a single thought or maybe they don't care enough to try to get her out, i dont know which one is worse

also this is still before the 2 weeks were up i'm guessing? so they still don't know about her powers? that's probably going to be a shitshow but i can't wait for her to stop trying to do everything herself at the risk of her own health and mental stability at this point. i'm also guessing after that she won't get overlooked as much because they could see her being useful but then it would leave a bitter taste to see them only care about her after thinking she could help them instead of being because they genuinely care about her, which i can't really see from that many people here i'm sorry, elain and her are the only ones who actually look like they like each other, feyre and even nesta just look kinda tentative (is that a word) with her like they don't want anything bad for her but as long as she's breathing and healthy i guess they don't look like they care and the rest of the ic probably can't even tell if she's there on most days or not, shoutout to mor for trying again though. really can't wait for her to stop pretending and just let her emotions out and tell them she's been feeling like a burden and it's their fault for not giving a fuck about her. i hope she gets her little trip with eris too because 2 weeks with eris and she'd get her claws all the way out but idk how she would manage to go to autumn in a peaceful way like as much as i'm going in on the ic, i still want them to fix things with her because like i said before if the endgame here is her getting together with azriel and staying in the night court a lot of things have to change and it's not just with azriel

is this going to be a really long series? because since it's chapter 8 and reader still honestly hasn't had much of a development i'm guessing it's going to be long right? i mean i kinda hope so because the more the better lol

also i'm glad mor is taking her shopping because the white cotton nightgown that goes down to her ankles told me everything i needed to know about her style and i'm glad she's getting an upgrade

i feel like this was mostly me rambling about the ic but it's really frustrating to watch her making herself look dull like eris said and pretend everything is always okay so she's not a burden but it's also frustrating that no one even cares enough to realize that she's quite literally a mess mentally or pretend they don't see it - 🧶

‘i get that she doesn't really ask or care much for what they do (i think it's more she doesn't think she deserves to know which is even worse)’

We love a low self-esteem girlie 🫶

But yeah, arguably part of the whole problem links back to her not wanting to bother anyone, so it comes across as blatant disinterest which perpetuates the issue :/

‘i like the way she was thinking during the dinner because i have that problem too even with family’

On a separate note, I’m so glad you have this problem too (that sounds so mean 😭, I’m glad it’s not an isolated issue) because it’s honestly so bizarre? Like all you need to do is say something like “hey, would you mind passing the [Dish X], thanks!” And you’re basically golden but it’s so difficult for absolutely no reason.

Anyway reader has that fun little struggle too, which someone’s taking a notice of🍜

‘it's also a bit weird that rhys doesn't really try talking with her because one thing about rhysand he likes the sound of his own voice,’

😭😭😭 Poor Rhys

I think that point (as well as the Cassian one) is more an insufficiency on my part—I just didn’t want to write a conversation involving the whole table one, because I couldn’t think of a way to make it seem organic and two, I think reader would have genuinely had a mental breakdown right then and there if she had to be involved in a full-scale conversation 😭 (kinda funny, kinda not but oh well)

‘all i'm getting is they don't trust her, whether because they don't think much of her or think she'd fuck things up or even they just genuinely don't.’

So, I’ve already started on Part 9 (since there was something near a whole month between part 7 and 8, oops and sorry) and a while ago someone suggested writing something from Azriel’s pov so at least his actions might be understandable? Also since reader’s perspective on things is slightly skewed by her poor perception of herself 😬

Anyway, hopefully in Part 9 you’re going to get to see things from the IC’s view point which might clear somethings up and make it more believable? Idk, I like having some of the confusion of not knowing what’s going on but I suppose after a certain point it might become a little deus ex machina? I like miscommunication but I think it would be a bit of a stretch to put everything on “hey they didn’t know”, so I’m going to begin sorting that out :)

‘and is kind of an asshole and that part "I don’t get to spend my days simply lying around to pester the only person who’ll give me a scrap of attention." like he's right and it sucks tbh’

I think part of the appeal of Eris for reader is that while what he says is sometimes hurtful, he does treat her like an adult and doesn’t really pull his punches at all? 😭

But then obviously there are moments like in part 8 where he strikes a raw nerve which triggers a bit of overthinking (only a bit)

‘(he was observing her way too closely like i love him dearly but i know for a fact mr spymaster over there can be less obvious to the point she has to tell him to stop staring and he doesnt)’

I’m going to expand on this part later (maybe in Part 9 if I get the plot together) but he was connecting some dots in that moment (bless him 🫂)

‘like i just want her to speak up for herself.’

Personally kinda scared for that moment but you do you—I’m sure she’ll manage to express herself in a totally calm and concise manner 😌

‘also this is still before the 2 weeks were up i'm guessing? so they still don't know about her powers? that's probably going to be a shitshow’

Yeah I realised I didn’t put that in at all, but part 9 is set about a week after that initial agreement is settled on, so halfway to the end!

‘i'm also guessing after that she won't get overlooked as much’

Something along those lines… 👀

I mean, it would be a bit bizarre if they ignored that mess?

‘is this going to be a really long series? because since it's chapter 8 and reader still honestly hasn't had much of a development i'm guessing it's going to be long right?’

I’m awful at guess series length but I’d say we’re coming up to the halfway point? Maybe another three or four chapters then we’ll be halfway through? There’s still a lot of stuff to happen and a lot to be resolved, so yeah, it’s going to be a while—hope that’s okay 🧡💛

‘also i'm glad mor is taking her shopping because the white cotton nightgown that goes down to her ankles told me everything i needed to know about her style and i'm glad she's getting an upgrade’

Yeah, Erie was completed right when he made the comment about readers fashion sense—there’s a lot to be desired 😭

Also, the shopping trip might happen in part 9 but I don’t yet know if it will fit in so we’ll see what happens and where it goes :)

Hopefully Mor will work some of her magic with reader and get her to be a little more comfortable around Velaris :)

‘i feel like this was mostly me rambling about the ic’

I think your little rambles are one of the things I’ve missed most about updating CBMTHY 😭

It’s so enjoyable reading through these and it also helps me know what needs to be mentioned in future chapters 🧡💛🫂

[sunshine-tattoo]

i think a pretty big pet peeve of mine is people who don't dress for the weather/ climate and then complain when they are uncomfortable.

like the obvious one is early 20s white girls going clubbing and then freezing their asses off going home because there ain't a jacket among them.

but there are quite a few that are honestly worse.

example: a few summers ago I worked at a kids outdoor camp. for many days it was over 30C (90F) with over 80% humidity.

in other words HOT.

we also had very limited shade and were usually in the full sun for most of the day.

so i made it very clear to all the parents and caregivers that every child was required 4 things:

1. Sunscreen

2. Sunglasses

3. Water

4. Weather appropriate clothing like shorts and t-shirts

for the most part I didn't have any trouble.

kids came with what they needed and I made sure they took plenty of water breaks and applied sunscreen every hour.

but there were two instances where things got bad.

Instance One

a mom refused to have her child wear sunscreen. I don't know if it was a fear of chemicals thing or her just believing that because their family was slightly olive complexed but whatever.

either way this kid went three days in intense UV with no sunscreen.

can you guess what happened?

he got so badly burned that he had to miss the rest of camp.

I was furious.

this kid had to stay home and be miserable all because his mama didn't listen to me about sun safety.

darker skin tones might protect you a little compared to paler ones but at the height of summer it don't matter what shade you are.

You. Will. Get. Burned.

my family is mixed and my auntie always said:

"Black don't crack but it does fry."

so me (white as fuck) and my cousins (50 shades of brown) wore the same amount of sunscreen every summer.

Instance Two

the camp being in Toronto we had a lot of first generation kiddos from a wide variety of cultural backgrounds.

which was awesome. we all learned so much from one another.

except for one family.

they were from Saudi Arabia and had only been in Canada for a few months.

they sent their little girl to camp in full traditional clothing.

- long dress

- legs and arms covered

- head scarf

which in air conditioned spaces or ontario's frozen winters is fine.

but NOT in the middle of summer with no place to cool down.

I tried to talk to the parents about it, telling them that their girl was gonna be hella overheated all day and that was a health risk.

the dad just scoffed and said "our country is much hotter than this and everyone dresses this way she will be fine."

yes its hotter but its also a DRY heat.

I may live in Canada now, but I grew up in the swamps of the south eastern USA.

if there's one thing I know, it's that you can't treat humid heat and dry heat like they are the same thing.

in dry heat, flowy layers like traditional Saudi clothes are perfect. they keep the sun off and encourage breeziness.

humidity don't work that way.

layers will only suck up moisture like a sponge and lead to burns and rashes.

the key is limited clothes (like shorts and t-shirts) and then coating yourself in sunscreen and chugging water to keep up with the sweating.

I tried to explain this to the parents, but they didn't listen.

And you know what happened?

this poor girl passed out from heat exhaustion and we had to call a fucking ambulance.

then. because the EMTs told the parents directly that this girl needed different clothes. the parents took her out of camp entirely!

they would have rather wasted a few grand and not let their kid go to camp all because they refused to dress for the weather.

like I understand dress and tradition and faith are important but not to the point of risking personal safety.

bottom line of these stories: I need people to be less dumb when it comes to how they dress and what they do in extreme weather.

either dress for the day. or have a plan to keep yourself safe like going inside regularly to cool off/ warm up.

temperature-caused aliments are no fucking joke and they can easily be avoided if you actually use your brain.

[mshroom1e]

Hi♡ it's my first time making a request but first of all how do you feel lately? I do really hope you are good! I don't know if you still take any request but I wanted to request (if you want to) a story between a fem reader and Thoma who doesn't know how to cook :)

The reader doesn't know how much condiments to put,the proportion and its getting her mad not knowing that 😂

I mean something fluffy and happy a Thoma that stay with the reader teaching them how to cook ♡

Thank you so much again for reading and have a lovely day/night ♡

Yes. I love this plot so much honestly. I got a little carried away while writing so I hope it isn't nonsense that I'm about to post. I hope you have a wonderful day/night too!! Thank you!♡♡

quick a/n: I know it's meant to be fem! reader, but there really wasn't any need for using pronouns or anything since it's just moments between the reader and Thoma. [Name] is intended to be fem but can be read as gn too. I hope you enjoy!!

Stir and Mix | Thoma x Fem! Reader

type: fanfic

Summary: You suck at cooking. Not much else to say except the phrase, 'let him cook' can't be applied to you. Hopefully Thoma can help you with that problem.

1.6k words

Warning(s): nothing other than [Name]'s radioactive cooking.

"It's a start..." Thoma gave you a stiff smile, trying his best not to grimace.

On a plate in front of him sat what could only be described as an absolute abomination. Thoma had gotten sick and you took it upon yourself to try and make something for him to eat. Emphasis on the 'try'.

It was safe to say that cooking had never been your speciality. You were one of those people who had the ability to burn water by complete accident.

Thoma sighed, shaking his head lightly. He found it endearing that you put in so much effort to make him something, however, it usually ended up in him having to clean up after you without your knowledge, but he never told you or complained about it.

You were kind of proud of your work, and seeing Thoma's tense expression made your shoulders drop a little. This time, you were sure you thoroughly followed the recipe, but it's the thought that counts ig.

"It's a very good first try at making uh..." for the life of him, he couldn't tell what the dish even was.

"It's curry."

"Right."

"..."

"Why is it purple...?"

"Don't ask."

- A few hours ago -

"Leave it to me!" You grinned, pointing at your chest with your thumb.

"How about I do it once I get better?" Thoma protested, trying to get out of the bed you practically tossed him in before letting out a loud sneeze.

"But you're sick and you need to rest. Besides, you work too much." You pushed him by a hand on his chest, his back hitting the soft mattress with a little 'thump'.

"But it's just a light cold. It'll go away in a day."

"Rest."

There was then silence followed by a staring contest and Thoma blinked first, making you the winner of this argument.

He signed with a soft smile, "I really can't win against you. Can I?"

"Don't worry and just relax. I'm actually great at cooking, you know? I'll have something made in no time. Easy peasy."

Usually, Thoma was the one to do all the cooking while you would help him with cutting the vegetables or washing dishes and whatnot. He never let you near a stove after the incident where you accidentally gave poor Ayaka food poisoning when she offered to try one of your dishes.

You almost triggered a national conflict just with a plate of poorly cooked katsudon.

Despite your confidence, Thoma wasn't convinced and gave you a sceptical look, making you turn your head to the side as your cheeks grew warm.

"Fine, just please don't risk someone's health like last time..."

-

A rush of confidence ran through your veins. You were prepared. With a cookbook and all.

So here you were, in the kitchen of your shared home while Thoma was sleeping. Of course, for you to be able to even step in the vicinity of the stove, your significant other had to be unconscious. Out cold. Or else he would be anxiously pacing somewhere else in the house, hoping you didn't set his kitchen on fire.

Sounds of paper flickering filled the room as you looked for a recipe that would help someone with a light cold. A recipe for "simple, foolproof curry" caught your eye. The long list of vegetables and other healthy-sounding ingredients caught your attention rather easily, so you settled for it. You already had all the ingredients that you would need, well, kind of.

The recipe included beef, but you decided to use chicken instead since it was a healthier meat and added it into your cauldron- uh, I mean pot. It said to cook the onions until tender but never specified how, so you settled for boiling them whole. Next was to stir in garlic, ginger and grated apple into a pot. There were no apples in the kitchen so you chose a banana and an orange instead as they were under the same family as apples, in your opinion, and had potassium and vitamin c to help the immune system. The more fruit, the better, right? (this is incorrect. I do not condone this behaviour).

The recipe asked for flour, but you couldn't find where Thoma hid it so you added bread since they were technically the same thing. The last step said to add tomato paste, carrots, potatoes and other vegetables of your choice.

You then covered the pot and let the dish cook.

About an hour later, a toxic smell that you translated to be the delicious smell of your cooking wafted through the air. It seemed to wake Thoma up as a loud thud came from the bedroom as if he fell off the bed.

Opening the pot with a huge grin, you admired your creation.

Bubbles similar to what could be assumed to be from a witch's cauldron rose to the top of the concoction. Dead-looking vegetables and whole onions floated around the surface like dead fish in a lake. The pot screamed despair and bloody murder. Literal green fumes danced around and warped outside of the pot. A strange purple colour was blended in with the natural brown of the curry. Bits of banana and orange looked like they had been through seven archon wars as they seemed to be clawing at the metal of the pot, alive and begging to be let out of the putrid puddle that was your cooking. It deserved to be thrown away by waste control. Buried where no lifeforms could make contact with it. Encased in Liyuen amber for the safety of the public.

"Leave it to me," You said.

"I'm actually great at cooking," You said.

It was all a lie. Everything was a lie.

Thoma walked into the room with a diabolically flabbergasted expression on his face. When he made eye contact with you, he tried to play it off like he was yawning but his sweating and stiff face gave it away.

-

A few days later after Thoma finally got better, he decided to hold a small cooking class for you.

The first thing he would teach you to make was bread.

"The ingredients aren't too complicated and neither are the steps. It just needs a little patience," Thoma reassured you while gently holding both of your hands.

"I'll try my best," You returned, enthusiastic and confident.

Thoma laughed as you sneezed from inhaling flour while you poured some of it on the tabletop.

"Careful," he chucked.

Then, you 'accidentally' let some flour get onto his sleeve.

"Whoops," You replied, sticking your tongue out at him.

"[Name]..." He got closer to you, making your heart act funny.

Suddenly, your cheek was smeared with a layer of flour and you gasped. That sneaky sneaker.

Thoma mimicked you and stuck his tongue out at you, making you laugh at his antics.

After a few more of your shenanigans, you completed the dough and tossed it in the oven. You definitely, surely 100% weren't drooling over Thoma as you watched him mix and kneed the dough. Why would you ever even think that?

Soon, your confidence deflated after your first cooking lesson ended. Your loaf of bread looked dreadful and wrinkly, and even more so when compared to the fluffy goodness that Thoma put together.

You took off your apron with a frustrated sigh, "This really isn't working. I'm sure I did everything right too..."

"Maybe it was just your way of kneading the dough? It's quite difficult to master, especially on your first try," Thoma gently rubbed your back with a gentle smile on his face.

"But you said it was easy," You groaned.

"Then maybe I'm not the best teacher," he stifled a laugh at your pouty expression and puffed out cheeks, "Let's try another recipe tomorrow."

"Okay..."

-

The results were the same the next day, the day after that, and the day after that. Everything you made was diabolical. Sure, you were improving slowly with Thoma's tips but not enough for you to not get irritated at your still present lack of skill.

Thoma was patient with you throughout, cheering you on to the best of his ability and always trying to help you in whatever way he could.

You hoped today would be different. A new and determined glint in your eyes shined brightly as you walked into the kitchen with fire in your step.

"Let's do this. Again"

Thoma decided on a Mondstat staple, Mondstadt Hash Browns. He gave you instructions on what to do while he watched your technique and made sure everything was right.

You added the ingredients in the way that you were instructed, abandoning your own little additions that usually resulted in catastrophies and disaster. The potatoes were the correct texture, the outside was crispy, the broccoli was steamed to perfection, and everything looked great.

Now, all that was left was for your instuctor, Thoma, to sample the dish. You watched in anticipation as he took a section of a hash brown, the crispy outside giving a satisfying 'crunch' upon his bite. He slowly chewed, savouring the flavour as his eyes lit up with surprise.

"It- It tastes amazing!"

"Really?!" You practically squeaked.

"Yeah!" Thoma smiled and handed you a piece to try yourself. He was right. It tasted wonderful.

Your cooking was edible. And it tasted amazing on top of that. You laughed, way happier than you should've been before picking Thoma up by his waist and twirling around the small dining area, causing him to laugh along with you.

To someone on the outside, it would look like the pair of you were getting overexcited over such a little thing, but you were both so proud of your achievement. Maybe you weren't so bad at cooking after all.

[adollchild]

Hihi~! Recently as of now, I've been debating on whether or not I should become a caretaker/caregiver/etc. This thought first occurred to me when I first took a deep dive into the world of agre! And now has occurred once again, now that I am in a few discord servers with some littles/ageres.

--------------------------

I'd like/plan to be a long-distance/digital CG (if its possible ofc!)

But if I were to become a CG, I do not feel entirely comfortable with adult littles. I also don't really feel comfortable with in-person CG. (Being online will do me just fine!)

Reason; I am a minor, so I think it would be best preferred of me to CG other littles with big age's like, (eg. 13-17)

--------------------------

Yes, I have been flipping through your CG guide reblogs. I don't think there's any for new online CGs :{. (From what I found searching, maybe I'm not searching hard enough lol.)

But in your honest opinion, do you feel comfortable and think it's alright for minors like me, to become a CG? Do you think minors should only caretaker other minors? (Sorry for the complicated tie breaker question here!) Uhh Thank You so much if you do answer this ask, it means a million from me~! I've just been doing a lotta thinkin at the moment and self-discovery typa stuffs.

Cheers!

Hi there ♡

I fully understand why you aren't comfortable taking care of adult regressors. I think it’s a really good idea to only engage in this type of relationship with someone your own age, rather than someone way older/younger than you.

I am in no way an expert on the subject, but I’m worried that having the full responsibility of another person’s safety and well-being over an extended period of time might negatively affect your own mental health when you’re still very young yourself.

While I can definitely see the appeal of taking care of a regressor over a longer period of time, I would recommend waiting until you’re older before engaging in that type of relationship and taking on that huge responsibility that comes with it.

If you want to get started as a caretaker as a minor, I’d recommend starting out by looking into being a babysitter for a regressor around the same age as you, since taking on babysitting gigs is something that is also common for teenagers to do outside the context of age regression. It’s still a big responsibility, I’m pretty certain that the risks of it having long term negative effects on your well-being are generally smaller, especially since babysitting occurs during a shorter amount of time as opposed to taking on a full time caregiver role.

Also, remember to be really careful when engaging with people online that you don’t know irl. You never really know who’s on the other side of the screen. I’d recommend not sharing pictures of yourself until you have verified that the other person is who they say they are. Some ways to do this is either by having a video call or meeting up at a crowded public place (like a café or a pet store), and staying there during the first meeting(s) (this option might not be a possibility if you live far away from each other). Another good tip for meeting in person is to bring someone else along with you, preferably a trusted adult.

As a final note, don't share things like your full legal name, social security number, passwords, home address, the name of your school, etc. online. This is sensitive information that can easily be used to hurt you very severely and pose a great threat to your safety in the wrong hands. (You probably already knew this, but better safe than sorry! I don't want you to get hurt.)

I hope you could use my reply. Sorry if it got a bit long ^-^

[bisexualamy]

Transition Update #67: 1yr post hysto and 3 months post meta-as-phallo-stage-1

last update: hysto, phallo

Happy 1 year post hysto to me! This was the surgery I was most worried about getting. I had a lot of misconceptions going into my hysto consult, and really only did it to get bottom surgery. I thought I'd have to remove my ovaries (I didn't) and that T is a significant ovarian cancer risk (it isn't). I also had a very, very kind surgeon who was experienced working with trans patients.

Emotionally the hysto was the hardest for me, as the risk of getting pregnant and my cycle were the two things that made me most dysphoric. The recovery for this one was worse than my meta surgery, not in a pain or fatigue sense, but I was constantly checking up on a part of my body that I hated and the immediate post-op symptoms made me very, very dysphoric.

I didn't expect to feel much more comfortable in my body and my maleness when I got my hysto but I was wrong. I've had chronic lower abdominal pain for years because my discomfort with that part of my body caused me to involuntarily tense those muscles. I feel more relaxed in my body than I have been in a long time. Feeling my muscles slowly let go in the months after my hysto was really wonderful.

Before my hysto I was incapable of dating cis men (even though I'm bi) because of the pregnancy anxiety. It was so all-encompassing that I wouldn't even agree to dates with cis men I found attractive and I stayed away from gay clubs that mostly catered to gay men. Now I feel much more comfortable in those spaces and it's shown me what a lot of my cis gay friends have already been telling me which is that I always belonged there. My hysto also made me more comfortable enough in my body to explore trans-exclusive kink events and spaces. For the first time in a very long time I was able to see myself as attractive and not be skeptical of other people's attraction to me.

Phallo Updates:

I'm about 3 months post op the meta stage of my phallo. My next stage is being pushed back a few months so I can get my health and my graft site in better shape to lower complication risk. I had a lot of hair on my stomach and I didn't get enough laser sessions in, and currently my adipose tissue in my graft is too thick to support blood flow to the phallus post-op. I'm working with a nutritionist and lifting more weights to address this issue without focusing on weight loss, because that's better for both my physical and mental health.

All my minor complications went away except for my two-streaming. The surgeons say this is a very minor fistula that they'll patch next surgery. Fistula is another word that gets tossed around a lot when people fearmonger about phallo, and I was definitely scared of it before I went under. But, like everything, fistulas exist on a spectrum and only the extreme cases get spread around. I technically count in the percentage of people who had phallo complications, and all that meant for me was an extra month of at-home healing time, where I could still walk and perform all bodily functions, and my former urethra not closing full after UL. Neither of these affected my day-to-day life, they're just part of the larger process of understanding my new body and adjusting to it.

Anyway, all I'm saying is if phallo is something you want but you're scared by the information you've read online, some of that information is not giving you an accurate picture of reality. People don't usually write reviews for things that were fine but not incredible. Please pursue what's best for your transition and wait to talk to a doctor before you make any conclusions about how safe phallo is for you.

[practical-herbalist]

About

Hey there, I'm H (they/them) and this is my side blog focusing on (practical) herbalism and herbal medicine.

There's also a lot of content relating to: medical chemistry, foraging, healthy recipes, cultivation and harvesting, bushcraft, and hunting/fishing.

There will be some content relating to: ethical/humane omnivorism, locavorism, animal welfare, worker's welfare and rights, anti macro farm / intensive farming, land stewardship, and environmentalism, though my blog specifically for ethical omnivorism is ethical-omnivore-h.

My main is homo-adaptionem. My witchcraft blog is grotesque-grimoire. My youTube channel is H. adaptionem. You can see all of my playlists at h-adaptionem.tumblr.com/ytplaylists. Misc Series, including Practical Herbalism: h-adaptionem.tumblr.com/miscseriesytpl.

I'm a witch, a home cook, a novice herbalist, a novice forager, and a newbie ethical onmivorous flexitarian. I am NOT an activist, just a dipshit with opinions!

Currently researching: practical-herbalist.tumblr.com/research Currently growing: practical-herbalist.tumblr.com/garden Disclaimers: practical-herbalist.tumblr.com/disclaimers FAQ: practical-herbalist.tumblr.com/faq

Foraging in: the Ozarks of the USA Ontario of Canada

Stay safe and stay weird!

Blog info below; I recommend reading before you view the rest of the blog; definitely read before following. Enter at your own risk.

TL;DR:

disabled, LGBT, an adult

EXCESSIVE TAGGER; most trigger tags have "CW" before them; tags all slurs

doesn't mind like/reblog spam

doesn't check mentions or replies; send an ask if you need to get my attention

OG tags: Answered - asks I've answered Face of H - pics of me pracitcal-herbalist - refers to this blog H. adaptionem - refers to my YT channel of the same name Homo adaptionem - all og posts

Like/reblog spamming is fine, I don't mind at all.

If you want my attention, you have a better shot if you shoot me an ask, as I rarely check my mentions/replies. I have a shit ton of stuff blacklisted, so I may not see your asks/mentions/posts if they include slurs, content triggering to me, etc. It's not that I'm ignoring you, I'm just trying to take better care of my mental health, Y'know? Gotta police my own intake of content, etc. etc.

Most things are tagged, so block what you need to using tumblr's own blocking function, Xkit, or Tumblr Savior. Slurs and triggering content usually have a CW before them, even if the OP doesn't consider the content triggering. I tag excessively, deal with it.

DNIs/DNFs are useless and performative; I just block (& report if needed) who I dislike/etc, and I block liberally, for any reason. I respect most other people's DNIs, if they're accessible. If I can't read it, I won't bother. Don't like me? Block me.

I block anti-vaccine, anti-science, anti-chemo, anti-recovery, anti-medicine types, and those who promote quackery and fake "treatments" or "cures" on sight. This includes: New Agers, starseeds/indigo children, crystal healers, energy healers, faith healers, etc.

I block radfems of all types (febfems, perfs, terfs, tirfs, twerfs, swerfs, etc.) because their underlying rhetoric & theory goes completely against our understanding of biology, neurology, sex, gender, and DNA. Also they're sexist and LGBTphobic lmao

I also block trad weirdos (not trad goths, you are loved here <3) for reasons I hope are obvious. I'm a bisexual tranny they/them who hates organized religion, hugs trees and despises big oil, loves weird ass porn & kinks, and loves bodily autonomy & thinks abortion, tattoos, piercings, & transitioning is cool. You like natural medicine because you're under the delusion that it's a part of your (bigoted) heritage. I like natural medicine because chemistry is cool and plants are neat. We are not the same.

Stay safe and stay weird!