#what if they were just characters and they stayed stagnant and every time I saw them I knew what to expect?!

[emeryhiro]

Part 2: My Thoughts on The Book Of Carol Episode 1 - Panel

-Spoiler-free edition-

This continues Part 1 of my thoughts [link here], specifically focusing on the panel.

There seems to be some confusion that's also upsetting some people, so I feel like, as someone who was there, it's my responsibility to clarify things and share some new things. I'll also be including my transcript from different relevant portions of the panel that don't spoil the episode itself, and just to make it clear, this transcript is word for word with what was said and has not been paraphrased by me; the only portions I removed were the pauses and instances where a speaker stammered.

Incorporating Carol into the Story

Zabel has been in conversation with Melissa (about Carol) for as long as he's been in conversation with Norman (about Daryl), which is from before writing & filming even started for season 1, discussing what they each had to say about their characters in detail. Once they began to approching season 2, Zabel then began to have more detailed conversation with Melissa about what she wanted for Carol going into the future, which we could see had already started to be from episode 1 in a huge way, with almost every single Carol scene having intention and deep meaning behind it.

D. Ross: What was it like starting to think about how to incorporate Carol into the story? Did you talk about season 2? How was that discussion? S.M. Gimple: I mean, Zabel drove those discussions. D. Zabel: I think it came out in our early conversations to make sure that the first episode which you just saw really planted Carol back into the world. You know, that was a very conscious choice because we spent 6 episodes of the show focused exclusively on Daryl, and knowing that we're bringing Melissa into this show, we wanted to make sure that we started the story off in a very strong way. To sort of re-establish the character after a couple of years, we hadn't seen her. And also to make her drive to find Daryl very compelling, motivated, and active. That came out of our early, like our first conversations about how to do it.

Collaboration between Zabel, Norman, and Melissa

I said this before, but I wanna say it again that Melissa's voice was really obvious to me in the way episode 1 was done, and Norman has spoken many times about how he's worked really hard on Daryl's story in the spin-off. The below exerpt also shows that the collaboration was actually really there between Zabel, Norman, and Melissa, and that it had great influence on the direction of the show. Even Gimpel gives the credit to Zabel, Norman, and Melissa and greatly compliments their collaboration.

D. Ross: What were your discussions? Because obviously, Melissa and Scott have worked for a long time together, and obviously, Melissa and Norman forever, but this is, you know, your first time connecting David and Melissa, so what were those conversations like in terms of finding the character and getting the input and sharing new ideas? D. Zabel: Well, yeah I'm the new guy, and so as a result, I had to be hazed. It was great because I had a whole year with Norman working on the show, and part of that was my own learning process about the characters, the character specifically of Daryl, about all the show and the aesthetic of The Walking Dead universe, and so during that time I was also having conversations with Melissa and getting ready, so there was really a lot of leadup to when we brought the character back into the show and a lot of conversations that we had after those initial ones were really Melissa and me talking about how to advance the character of Carol and how to not let the character stay stagnant, same as the kind of conversations that Norman and I had in the beginning, how to continue to move the character forward and move the story forward and expand on the universe in general, and not let the characters and the world stagnate and say in the same place, 'cause it's easy to sort of keep going through the same things over and over again. So a lot of it was talking to Melissa and understanding how she saw the character, thought the character was and the things that she felt were interesting to play moving into the future. S.M. Gimple: And that is a huge thing with both Norman and Melissa. You know they have that executive producer credit, but that's the real deal, they provided a lot towards the narrative of their characters, towards the trajectory of their characters. This is them expressing themselves. And to watch this collaboration has been amazing.

Melissa's thoughts on coming back to the show and bringing her ideas

Throughout the entire panel, Melissa seemed incredibly happy. She constantly made jokes that made the whole room and panel laugh, and she spoke really proudly of the work she had done. She also seemed very comfortable collaborating with Zabel, Greg, and Norman and had nothing but beautiful things to say about them, and Manish (Ash).

I've attached a video below [link here] of the following transcript, which I recorded from my perspective. It's at a wider view and slightly longer than the ones previously uploaded by others, and it captures a lovely and respectful exchange between Zabel and Melissa.

D. Ross: What's it like from your perspective, Melissa? I mean you have so much ownership of this character for so long, so tell me about, like, in terms of coming to this new show and bring your ideas. Melissa MB: Oh, well, Scott, David, and I talked about some of the things that were really important to me, as far as what I thought Carol might want to dive into. Things you know… 12 years of The Walking Dead, there was a lot unsaid. I made a rhyme. But anyway, we picked some of the core issues, and we kind of built on that. D. Zabel: I think one of the things I'll add is building on that, things that were maybe not fully developed or resolved in the original series for the character and also and also making sure that Carol was coming because she loves and misses her friend and is worried about him, but also has a narrative of her own, that's about the things that she's dealing with herself. So, that was really important for us was that Carol needed to have a dual narrative. It wasn't all about just finding Daryl, although that's crucial,... Melissa MB: obviously. D. Zabel: but it was how is that somehow working through her own experience and what things that are still plaguing her.

Carol and Daryl as the core of every storyline in season 2

It's clear that they have made Carol and Daryl's story the centre of the whole season and that they will be heavily involved in all of the major storylines and resolutions. Using episode 1 as an example, it was already clear that even though Ash has a really interesting backstory, which they delved into in a very thoughtful and intentional way, it was still there to serve Carol's story and ultimately, Caryls story in later episodes. The same, I believe, can be said about the different storylines in France and how they're all ultimately going to come together to serve Carol and Daryl's story and development.

D. Zabel: Every episode is big, but the way that it resolves ultimately all these different stories and these different characters by the time you get to the end, I think that's the single thing I'd say was the greatest accomplishment of Season 2 is sort of the accumulation of story and character, how all the stories are resolved specifically through Daryl and Carol, of course.

Slight spoiler warning for what's below the line. This spoiler has already been shared and talked about for several days at this point.

Reunion episode.

Whether or not the reunion will be in episode 2 is up to personal interpretation. Below is the link* to another video I took from my perspective, where you can see everyone's expressions. I encourage everyone to come to their own conclusions on whether or not they think it's episode 2.

I personally lean towards it being true, firstly because Norman and Melissa's tone/behaviour seem genuine, while Zabel and Gimple seem to be more nervous and overcompensating with their counter comments (However, Norman and Melissa are so talented as actors that they could easily fool us 😅). Secondly, why tease/mislead the audience in that way? There's no logical reason, and they know that, ultimately, it would just leave us (the people who believe them) a little disappointed after building our excitement and expectations up.

This was everyone's reaction to Gimple saying, "You know what? Let's say it doesn't happen in episode 2. Let's just get into an argument now."

*Note: Tumblr only allows me to upload one video directly to the post, so unfortunately, the second video had to be a link. I know that the link may not work in some countries like Canada, so if that's you and you'd like to see the video, let me know, and I'll send it to you directly.

My final thoughts.

I know that there are a lot of concerns about:

How Carol and Daryl's joint story will fit into the season 2 narrative and whether or not their story will be handled with care

How will Carol be incorporated into the story, and will her character be treated justly (not overlooked/overshadowed)

Is Melissa being treated/billed fairly, and is she happy with the product that is Daryl Dixon: The Book of Carol

Based on all the examples above and my thoughts in the part 1 post, I'm confident that the writers, showrunner, and, of course, the leading cast, Norman and Melissa, are handling both Carol and Daryl's joint story and their individual stories really well and with a lot of care.

Regarding Melissa's treatment and happiness, none of us knows what's happening behind the scenes, but from what I could see during the panel, everyone on that stage was treating each other as equals; no one was undermining anyone, and they were all clearly there to support each other. As always, there was also that special connection between Norman and Melissa, who were having really sweet moments just between them, smiling and whispering to each other and making each other laugh, which really warmed my heart. In terms of the audience's reaction, we all clapped, cheered, and reacted the loudest for Melissa and Norman, but especially Melissa. Everyone was so excited to see her, and I even noticed some people wanting to give her a standing ovation and were halfway standing when she came on stage but were motioned to sit back down by someone who looked like event staff or security.

And lastly, regarding the billing order, I feel that it's wonderful how some of Melissa's fans are really speaking up and standing up for her on how she should be equally billed with Norman, just like Danai/Andrew and Lauren/Jeffrey, which I wholeheartedly agree with; however, I think (and bare with me here) that we should be patient, especially for the moment. The order of billing within the credits does seem strange to me as well; however, the season is still three and a half months away (110 days) from its actual release, and these are things that could have been done in error and can still be amended for the official release. If it's not, then it's also important to acknowledge that whatever the agreement is that was made between AMC and Melissa/her agents, Melissa is a very intelligent and capable of making rational choices that are in her best interest, and as long as she's happy with it, then we should be respectful of those choices because, ultimately, we are not part of that contract and therefore can't really know why certain choices were made unless we're told by one of the parties who hold the contract.

I'm not saying we shouldn't speak up if we believe she or anyone else is being treated/compensated unfairly; however, we should still keep celebrating with her for her return as Carol to the series, her incredible performance in season 2, and all the hard work she has put in, alongside the rest of the cast and crew, to give us this new season.

~~~~~

There will probably be more parts to this as more information comes out, but for now, a huge thank you to those who read this ♡♡♡ I'd love to know your opinions if you agree or disagree with anything I've said. One of my favourite things about this community is how passionate everyone is, which allows us to have some really deep and meaningful conversations about the show and characters we love.

If anyone has any questions about the episode or panel that I haven't addressed yet or would like further information on anything I have shared, please feel free to leave me an ask, anonymous or not, and I'd be more than happy to answer and discuss it. However, I will refrain from giving away any spoilers that haven't already been released.

[fromtheboundlesssea]

Never thought a show could get worse with their writing decisions till now, because literally what are they doing, so many characters are different from who they were in the first season, their motives are all over the place, I honestly don’t care what aemond did to aegon if it wasn’t for the fact it was in the midst of the war, they now literally only have one dragon on their side to fight, they should have made this a mistake like in the book instead of trying to change and go on a whole diff arc that doesn’t make any sense.

I feel like this might be my last season. It’s just getting so bad. I feel like all the things certain people wanted in game of thrones (Starkbowl, as in Dark!Sansa and Arya actually following through on her threats to Sansa, savior Targ vs villainous redhead) plays out in this show. And every episode just gets worse and worse.

The thing about GoT is that while the last couple/few seasons of the show were not great, D&D had at least built a sort of rapport with the audience so we trusted them to a degree. When they had books to adapt they did a decent job and it’s only when they had to make things up that they started messing up, but even then we initially didn’t think it was *that* bad because we got episodes like Battle of the Bastards and, until they cut their seasons shorter, they did at least attempt to give opposing sides even amounts of intrigue that let you cheer for them even if you did not really want that side to win. LOVED the Lannisters despite I knew they would be doomed.

We had YEARS with the cast. We watched the younger cast grow up and saw the older cast age.

We don’t have any of that with the GoT cast despite the cast being excellent here. We glossed over so much time in season 1 and we’re told off handedly about what happened without any indication of how this affected the characters. I honestly don’t think the writers contemplated what the characters were actively doing between timeskips. They either change drastically (Rhaenyra going from not wanting any marriage or children to suddenly popping out three bastards, or Aemond being proficient at swords) or remain so stagnant that nothing has apparently changed in the near decade we last saw the characters.

The writing, while bad last season, was at least somewhat entertaining with the cast really being able to shine through in quite a few of the scenes. This season is more sparse with its quality scenes that are then thrown away in the very next episode so they don’t really matter anymore. Season 1 characterization goes out the window. Where we left off characters is not where we pick them up. We miss very important scenes that would help us establish things.

Again, this might be my last season and it’s making me even less hopeful for the Dunk & Egg show. They really should have stayed away from characters that we have more set understandings of.

We should have gotten the Starks and the Long Night show as we know they would win, but we would know nothing about these characters or their motivations. Or that show that had Naomi Watts (I think) as a Lannister. Those could have been interesting shows where Condal could have made up crap to his heart’s delight.

It gets so annoying when shows that are based on books become inspired by instead. I understand Fire & Blood is a history book, but they could have fleshed the characters out more. We could have done dual historic perspectives like The Last Battle (not a great movie but an intriguing premise) or a dual timeline where we could see the past and the present intermingled.

It’s just… bad. This truly might be my last season for HotD to watch intently. I might watch next season, but not with any excitement. I would be surprised if we get a fourth season at the rate they’re going.

[studentofetherium]

it's been about a month so here's new thoughts on the state of weekly shounen jump

i wanna try doing one of these at the start of every month :) oh and since it's the start of the year i'm including the average ranking from last year because i think that's neat (golf rules, a smaller number is better)

Akane-banashi (avg: 3.2)

Akane-banashi continues to be really good. i'm a big fan of the ongoing training arc. i know quite little about rakugo but i'm incredibly invested in seeing her continue to grow and learn about the medium, especially as she's pushed to her limits. Akane-banashi has consistently been among my top three for well over a month and if it continues at this pace it's definitely going to stay there

Ayakashi Triangle (avg: 4)

there were only two Ayakashi Triangle chapters released in December, and one of them was prior to my previous write-up, so i don't have much new to say about it. the most recent half-chapter was good, but the last arc was quite not, especially considering how long it was stretched with breaks. i hope this isn't a sign of Yabuki's health taking a turn for the worse. but all that said, the anime will be starting soon, and i'm looking forward to that

Blue Box (avg: 3.5)

the pattern for Blue Box is that it often has a series of great chapters all at once, followed by a few weeks of more laid back and atmospheric chapters. i think this format really works for the series, but on a week by week basis, it does cause some problems. all that said, the series is always quite good and i'm invested in the slow burn of this relationship

Cipher Academy (avg: 2.5)

Cipher Academy is beginning to disappoint me. the first several chapters were a great introduction to the series, but December saw the series begin to grow stagnant. i'm still enjoying it, but it feels directionless, with more focus being put on the ciphers being solved than any sort of story. it's an unfortunate direction for the series to go and i'm hoping it picks up soon

Elusive Samurai (avg: 5.6)

Elusive Samurai certainly is. the series isn't wowing me and it usually sits somewhere around the lower middle of my rankings. definitely not bad by any stretch, but the series often has peaks followed by long stretches of being just okay, and it's certainly been just okay recently

Fabricant 100 (avg: 9.25)

Fabricant 100 is something i didn't have a lot to say about last time, with only one chapter having been released. now, a month later, i can confidently say the series is fine. i'm enjoying it plenty and i'm looking forward to where it's going, but it's also far from my favorite series in the magazine. its average is a little deceptive since it has the least number of chapters to build an average from. if it gets the chance to keep going, it may win me over even more, but that remains to be seen

Ginka & Glüna (avg: 1.4)

Ginka & Glüna is the best thing in Jump right now and it's not even close. i love everything the series is doing, from the art to the characters to the story to the action to the designs and everything else. nothing in December changed this. it's wonderful. read it

Ichigoki's Under Control (avg: 11.8)

Ichigoki's Under Control is the worst thing in Jump. it broke Mashle's three month streak as my least favorite manga in Jump. i await cancellation

The Ichinose Family's Deadly Sins (avg: 5.5)

as Ichinose has moved past its introduction, it's not really setting up a status quo. the cast continue to learn more about who they used to be, but only briefly. the world is still cruel to them at all points. i don't see the direction it's heading in, but it's continuing to be some definition of entertaining, at least

Mashle (avg: 10.2)

Mashle, surprisingly, is no longer the worst thing in jump. the protagonist finally returned and there were breaks, however brief, from the constant stream of meaningless action. the series still isn't good, but slightly better than worst is better than nothing

PPPPPP (avg: 6.2)

PPPPPP's art continues to be great and the story continues to be ??. i'm not really sure what the series is doing anymore but i'm happily reading more every week because it continues to look gorgeous

Tokyo Demon Bride Story (avg: 4.9)

i love this series. it has a great batch of characters. it can be a little inconsistent on a week to week basis, but it's never worse than "okay". December didn't change much for this series, except that i'm growing confident that it'll survive its third volume and keep going after that point

Witch Watch (avg: 6.5)

Witch Watch can be really good or really bad and lately it's been really really bad. i'm losing faith that the series will get better. the series is all but removed from its initial romcom premise which is unfortunate. i don't hate the series as it exists now (its average is pretty good, all things considered) but i don't think 2023 will be a good year for the series

[troofless]

update on how i wasted 5h on the new xbc3 dlc story, new grips come to light:

feels a whole lot of the story was hinging on nostalgia bait rather than solving the plot holes in the main story, which is just peachy

matthew is not an interesting protagonist and is only there to represent the family feud in n’s long bloodline of fuckery. i thought matthew and a would have more synergy since they are literally the two faces of the game but they are just surface level friends with banter. a continues holding herself at arms length like alvis does for obvious reasons but this means matthew feels so isolated

nice loredump on xbc1 and xbc2 tho, i like the throwbacks to past places like colony 9 and uraya and prison island

i almost laughed when i saw the joran-looking guy die the first 10 minutes in lmao

the sharla and pandora reincarnations/children were pretty neat ig

shulk’s design in particular looks ugly af come at me bro

was it ever stated what happened to pyra/mythra? did they just die or revert back to the core crystal form? idk i didn’t watch the community stuff. also ig there are multiple green core crystals on glimmer and the fists of the end which is not confusing at all :/

i liked the detail that malos/logos is now the sword of the end and mythra/pneuma is fists of the end which is later noah’s gauntlet thing

confirmed that ghondor is n’s son and no wonder ghondor (main game) was pissed at her name lmaooo

i also liked the throwback to the gem crafting lmao

no explanation for lucky seven because of course

no explanation for riku either

no explanation for how shulk and rex and the others are still unassimilated but some of the other people get sucked into the cycle of reincarnation (i guess z is clumsy ha ha)

some explanation for how the city people don’t get fucked over by the two world merging at the end of main story ig

i literally said ‘what the fuck’ out loud when a said n wasn’t matthew’s enemy. like what the fuck. no.

oh wow imagine trying to justify n’s biggest crime of massacring an entire city of people ha ha wouldn’t it be funny if he didn’t actually murder them, absolving him of all crimes (bruh)

the dlc tried to hard to make n look sympathetic but i ended up hating him more. same for z man. like who invited you to the dlc party gtfo you didn’t even do anything

idk man i think na’el/alpha made a lot of sense in going for the new world esp with what happened in the end of the main story

a: yo but you saw what happened to klaus’s world! they decided to split it up and destroy it like dumbasses! that’s why your plan is bad! she says, literally ignoring that a world of peace is much better than whatever the fuck was the stagnant world of xbc3

also can i question why did alvis. just not leave without matthew. he had to fuck it up by showing himself in his physical form so that everyone could beat him up ten times over. cmon alvis

i feel like nikol and discount mythra could have been taken out of the story and nothing would have changed. what did they do other than be fanservice bait for the xbc1 and xbc2 ppl and have some bullshit ‘i promise to rebuild the city and carry on your legacy, dads :(’ like lmaooo

literally the ending of the main story was them deciding the future for themselves and them not wanting to stay in a stagnant world, something that contradicts the ending of the dlc like wtf

they went all the way, fought the god, just for a conclusion that didn’t matter because the two worlds merged anyway at the end of the game :)

i went into the dlc in the hopes of being able to complain that they locked the best part and best lore of the game behind a paywall but now i’m just disappointed. torna dlc was better. it had better pacing, better protagonist duo with lora and jin, started off stronger, didn’t have stupid flashbacks every three seconds same problem with xbc3 main story, better characters and character-synergy and humour. 

tldr it’s a waste of time not worth it, just play fire emblem engage instead goty fr

[thenorsiest]

Sometimes I wonder if Star Trek really became less Star Trek because science started to become more well known.

Like during the 1960s the idea of going to a planet full of gangsters was Wild but also possible?! To the average person. (The undereducated American that is)

Now it’s like “space is vast, cold and unfeeling” and that’s actually reflected in the filming. It’s like the writers forgot that the exploration of space was about possibility. To some extent that’s probably why they keep moving backwards in their shows and why anything forward feels nihilistic.

Or maybe it’s midnight and this was the last thing I decided to post while half asleep…

[arndylevinbarber]

THE ENDING OF SUNFLOWER I GASPED

can we please get a prt 2 on how the reader dies?

love your work as always 🫂♥️

A/N: Yes you can!!! Also thank you so much for appreciating what I write <3 That means so much to meeeeee!!!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Pairings: Lloyd Hansen x Reader | Robert Pronge x Reader (past)

Warnings: Fluff | Stalking | Major character death

WC: 929-

Part 1

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Lloyd kept his promise. He laid off work for an entire month to take you away in a secluded location near the beach and it was the happiest you have ever been in your entire life. Every morning was composed of him pulling you closer, whining and mumbling “Five more minutes sunshine…” as you tried to get up and get ready for the day. Honestly, could you ever say no to him?

However, secluded didn’t mean privacy for just the two of you. He insisted that he keep his men with him at all times just in case an emergency happens with the reassurance that he did not have any clients to tend and you had him all to yourself.

“Sunshine, you wanna go scuba diving today?” He asked as he took a bite of his breakfast, watching your every move as he realized that he missed the feeling of domestic bliss. He saw a future with you, a family even and he couldn’t wait to watch you walk down the aisle and have you hear his vows.

“Yes please! I’ve never done it before and those Tiktoks make them look so fun and interesting.” Beaming at your lover, you nod eagerly at his suggestion. In all honesty, you two could stay in the entire day and your happiness rate would stay at 100%. It seemed like Lloyd was everything you’ll ever need in your life and throughout this vacation, he kept proving your thoughts right.

“I’ll go make a quick phone call then let’s go, okay? Finish your food.” He says before getting up, placing an airpod in his ear as he taps away on his phone. You really didn’t care about his business because that’s not what entirely defined Lloyd. He had another side to him, a side that he only shows to you because you were the only one worthy of his vulnerability.

As you were almost done with your breakfast, you heard three faint knocks on the door followed up with: “Housekeeping! Complimentary breakfast for Mr. and Mrs. Hansen!”

Lloyd was out on the balcony and you knew you were safe in his presence so what was the harm in answering the door, right? Rising up to your feet, you make your way towards the foyer before opening the door to be greeted by an old lady holding a push cart. She made her way towards the dining room before leaving and you muttered a soft “Thank you.” just before you closed the door.

Being a naturally curious being, you lifted off the silver lid that was covering the food and your mouth instantly watered at the sight of different pastries plated nicely on fine china. Picking up a bagel that was already cut in half, you excitedly spread some cream cheese onto it before taking a big bite, letting the flavors register into your mouth.

It was only a few seconds before Lloyd heard a thud and when he walked back in the dining area, there you were laying down on the ground lifeless and quickly turning pale.

-

“Hey sweets.” The long haired man planted a sweet kiss on your cheek as he entered the kitchen, placing his apron down on the island, he then made his way to the fridge to retrieve a beer.

“I want to break up.” You spoke directly as you kept your head down, refusing to look at the man as you were terrified of how he’ll react.

“Okay.” It was all that he said out loud. Silly girl, you’ll always be mine.

The relationship you used to have with Robert was stagnant. What you felt when you got together was that you didn’t really love him to an extent of seeing a family with him and you stayed because he was enough to fill the void in your heart. He never did you wrong nor did he see you as just a toy for him to play with. You felt cherished and important and you really were. If only you found out what he really did for a living back then, you would know that you have major issues when it comes to being attracted to men who murder like it’s a sport.

After gathering your belongings and loading them into your car, you give Robert a goodbye hug and thank him for everything, even offering to stay friends. He only gave you a sad smile and one final kiss on your cheek.

“I’ll be here when you need me sweets. You don’t even have to ask if I’m busy.”

But you didn’t have to know about Robert putting a tracker in your phone as he watched where you were going every day. You didn’t have to know that Robert watched your entire first conversation with Lloyd and you definitely didn’t need to know that Robert’s target wasn’t you in the first place so you can only imagine the look on his face when you fell down on the ground.

-

“Cyanide poisoning?! Who the fuck got into that resort?! I need answers, now!” Saying that Lloyd was angry is an understatement. He was beyond furious and there were only two things that he wanted to do:

Have you back and alive

Kill the one who killed you with his bare hands

“We checked the CCTV footage and there was a man who snuck into the kitchen and added a substance into the pastries, sir.” A man showed him a tablet containing the video and as Lloyd took a closer look, he felt his blood boil even more.

“Fuckin’ Pronge… god fucking dammit! I need him here and alive, move!”

[hotdamnhunnam]

Congrats again on 2K. i’m so happy for you ❤️

For the emojis: 🔥☕️🚧

For the character: Jax, i feel like those emojis have a Jax vibe

Thanks for your request for my Emoji Fic Fest! And thanks for the congrats! 💗

..................................................

Roadblocks Don’t Suck

Pairing: Jax Teller x F!Reader Warnings: smut, swearing, car sex (quick & rough, light choking, Jax’s leather gloves (they’re a whole kink)) Word Count: ~1.4k Emoji Prompt: 🔥☕️🚧 (key words are in bold)

Jax Teller is a lot of things. Pussy-whipped isn’t one of them, but somehow when you ask for things he gives in to a ton of them. On some level in his alpha male soul that sort of stings.

He’s in the driver’s seat grumpy and grumbling like a five-year-old. You’re really in the driver’s seat with all the power that you hold, over the prince of Charming, destined to be king.

He lights a cigarette. The little flame matches his mood flickering sharply with resentment and regret, that he had caved to what you said.

“How’s your goddamn coffee,” he snaps, bitter and full of sass. Gruffly, to hide the fact that you can turn him into such a goddamn softie.

“It’s fucking lovely,” you proclaim, taking another sip and gloating without shame. This morning you’d asked Jax to drive your car to where the two of you are headed, rather than taking his Harley as he typically prefers instead. You wanted to sit comfortably with your coffee and finish up the book you’ve almost fully read.

He doesn’t know yet you were also hoping you could give him road head.

“Fuck!” Jax suddenly rasps as he steps on the brake just when you reach the end of your book, causing you to look up out the windshield in shock. It’s just a bit of bad traffic but your man sounds as furious as if your car was hit by a damn truck. “Ugh, there’s a fucking roadblock. This shit fucking sucks.”

Jax really just can’t deal with traffic at a standstill. He is seething, heavy breathing, living proof that looks can kill.

Glimpse flashing lights and obstacles with slanted black and yellow stripes to mark construction that’s in progress up ahead. Prince Fuming grits his bright white teeth around his cigarette like he wants someone dead. Possibly you. “See, bitch if we were on my bike I could’ve just driven right through…”

“Would you just stop? Here, I’ll give you a handjob,” you decide, casting your finished paperback off to the side. Sometimes—a lot of times—you’d rather make Jax Teller cum than hear him talk. “Shut up, just sit back and enjoy your smoke and let me stroke your cock.”

“What are we, fifteen-year-old kids? You’ll grab my dick and let me grope your tits?” he laughs, as you reach in his jeans to grip and squeeze his massive shaft. “Get down and suck.”

You take your hands out of his pants and cross your arms over your chest tightly, to tell him no such luck. “Maybe I would have if you’d asked nicely, you bossy little fuck.”

“You love it when I’m bossy.” Jax is well aware that his dominance gets you wet and juicy. “Know it hits you in your kinky little pussy.”

“You don’t know shit about my kinks,” you lie.

“You think?” he challenges with a dark glimmer in his eye. The heat of hell behind his smile. Glances out the window at the standstill traffic and decides to put the car in park so he can make this goddamn ride worthwhile.

Asking nicely isn’t really Jax’s style.

You can act like you don’t want it but there’s no point in denial. Every goddamn thing about him drives you wild.

When he wants something he takes it—bends your will to fight him off and fucking breaks it—snaps a finger and you’re naked—he makes sure you want it wholeheartedly too—but that shit’s never hard to do.

He always has you spouting off a senseless stream of oh God Jesus Christ Jax yes fuck yes in two seconds or less. Knows he’s your ever-living weakness. Face you see when you scream Jesus. Knows you’re his to play with any way he pleases. Knows just what buttons to press, to get his girl to be a wet whimpering mess.

Has you spread out on the backseat, shaking in heat, as he strips off your summer dress. Stays fully clothed because he knows it’s fucking torture when he doesn’t let you cleave against the smooth skin of his chest. Settle for clutching at the leather of his vest. The leather Jax Teller wears best.

Or is it…? Though you’ve never mentioned this before, Jax saw the sparkle in those pretty eyes of yours, when you watched his hands on the steering wheel clad in his leather gloves and thought that shit’s fucking exquisite.

To be honest it’s ridiculous that he’d wear leather gloves to drive a car. Today’s ride isn’t even far. You know it’s just so he can feel more like he’s riding on his Harley and it’s dumb as fuck but you don’t care about that given what a slut you are. Jax in the leather of his kutte is hot enough—but these damn gloves… they have you seeing fucking stars…

You’d wanted him to push your head deep in his lap while you bent down to suck him off. Feeling the smooth warmth of the leather in your hair and on your cheeks as you devoured his enormous cock and showered it with love.

He’d like that very fucking much, without a doubt, but in this moment he would rather see your gorgeous glowing face than have it buried in his crotch. More in the mood to fuck your pussy than your mouth. He wants to watch, the way your inner slut is spinning out—surrenders to his touch… the way your features melt, descending into ecstasy past anything you’ve ever fucking felt… as he traces his thumb across your bottom lip with one hand while the other frames your hips—taking you in his leather grip—tight as a belt, sharp as a whip.

And it’s insane the way it makes your pussy drip. Your brain is on a fucking trip. Can leather get you fucking pregnant? On the road the traffic’s still completely stagnant, but your man will have to get back in the driver’s seat again soon once the cars begin to move. There’s not a lot of time to get into the groove. No time for fun and games and foreplay—just a frantic feral fuck here on the freeway—love and lust one and the same to make and take when you two have nothing to prove.

Outside of sex, you know that it’s your job as Jax Teller’s old lady to continually kick his ego down a couple pegs. But it’s a different fucking story when he’s hovering above you and all set to shove his meat into the aching soaking heat between your legs.

A piece of prey for him to eat. To read your body as it breaks and burns and begs. Jax is the undisputed king when he has you spread in his bed or the backseat. And as his leather-clad hand wraps around your throat you gasp at how it feels so sweet because you know what’s coming next…

He applies just the perfect pressure and oh fuck you’ve never felt such perfect pleasure.

You can feel his power pouring through the leather. You can feel it pounding through your blood, as he plows deep inside your pulsing cunt, that fucking instant, with a savage fucking grunt, rock hard as he drives home and hits a flood, ‘cause you’ve never been wetter. You’re his fucking slut. Forever.

Two or three bucks of his hips—he sucks the prayer of his name off of your lips—tightens that leather fucking grip—your grip on consciousness begins to fucking slip…

Just came undone, though this had only just begun. He spills inside you that same second and you’re both sprawled on the seat sex-dumb and drunk.

Two seconds later all the cars outside decide to fucking honk.

He really doesn’t give a fuck. You’re both so bulldozed by the love you made you probably wouldn’t notice if this steamy little car of yours got totaled by a truck. Honk all they want for all you care—the two of you are far beyond the world out there—you’re stuck in heaven with no plans to come unstuck.

Maybe try fucking one more time to piss off everyone outside and push your luck.

Jax reads your mind because it’s his. Leather glove soft around your throat now as he smiles through a cigarette-and-coffee-flavored kiss. “Maybe roadblocks don’t suck.”

..................................................

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[inamindfarfaraway]

Peter Pan in Ever After High

Years ago I made some rough draft Ever After High OCs for Peter Pan years ago but then deleted them because they were too cringey. This was before I learned to EMBRACE THE CRINGE (you know, online and anonymously). They were exchange students from Neverland. I can’t remember much, but from what I do I have reconstructed this AU fanfic concept and accompanying OC cast.

Peter Pan is the Peter Pan. His whole character is the Boy Who Never Grows Up. He wasn’t planning to grow old, let alone have kids, anyway, and once the legacy system was implemented he was bound by destiny not to too. So while the Hooks and Darlings and (made unisex early on) Lost Kids and his fairy sidekicks come and go, Peter never changes. At least, he’s never supposed to. So he’s just been reenacting the events every generation for hundreds of years (the system has to be a good few centuries old) and doing whatever in between, and he thought he was fine with this because the thing a lot of adaptations forget about Peter is he isn’t a straightforward good person. He’s childhood incarnate. Eternally immature. In the original story he doesn’t understand the weight of death; not just his own, simply saying dying will be “an awfully big adventure”, but others’, thinking nothing of murdering pirates and risking the Lost Boys’ lives in battle on a regular basis. He ambiguously ‘thins out’ the Lost Boys who grow up on him, unable to stand them becoming what he so hates. In the darkest versions he kills them, in others including this one he just expels and disowns them, but either way it gets the point across. It’s all a game to him. That’s why the Darling kids need to leave him and face the future in the end: the harshness and responsibilities of adulthood come with a much more sophisticated theory of mind, sense of empathy and general grasp of reality. It isn’t that he’s malicious, he just can’t really understand that his actions have consequences and sees everyone as side characters or antagonists in his story. Peter doesn’t have good and evil, he has fun and boring. The closest he comes is ‘nice’ and ‘mean’. This is all JM Barrie’s characterization. Barrie explicitly says young children are ‘heartless’ by adult moral standards and gain hearts as they grow.

Were Peter to evaluate the legacy system for a few seconds, with all the decidedly un-fun strict repression and burdensome duty, he’d absolutely despise it. He distantly remembers life pre-scripting and it was fine. He’s pretty sure Ever After was fine. He should realize more than anyone how artificial it is. The trouble is that he’s a hyperactive, selfish, impulsive preadolescent boy to the power of a thousand, thus very easily distracted and bribed by Ever Afterian authorities into compliance before he can do that. All he needs to do is keep living his dream life and act out what he essentially already saw as a game over and over, after all. They even let him throw in a couple of small twists each time! Another factor is that he signed the real Storybook of Legends way back when the first signing event occurred (he doodled little stick figure Lost Boys and pirates on the page). And based on how it gave Raven access to the full depth of her magical power, this book, unlike the one Apple signed, is supernaturally effective. So Peter’s inability to learn from his experiences or emotionally mature has partly been enforced by the book. He doesn’t think too hard and stays stagnant in his childishness.

What changes is that the current Captain Hook sees an opportunity. Though he hates Pan, he hates the thought of his daughter Scarlet losing her hand and being tormented by a crocodile for the rest of her days even more. Peter is naive and malleable enough to be swayed against the legacy system and powerful and influential enough to possibly get their story removed from the list. Give him a selfish investment in rebellion, and not even Milton Grimm and Snow White may be able to stop him. Hook doesn’t care for Peter or anyone else outside his family though. Well, maybe the Smees. But he’s still a villain. Swallowing down the urge to stab the boy on sight, he encourages Scarlet to become Peter’s friend at a young age. The island is pretty insular between the retellings of the story, so he gets away with it. For comedic effect, he instructs Scarlet on how to hide her heritage, painfully aware that Peter is cleverer than he looks, and then Peter just never asks her last name. She’s soon practically a Lost Girl. She eventually starts to wear pirate clothes again and phase in pirate slang and lead sailing trips around the bay and expertly fend off jealous mermaids with her cutlass. Peter never bats an eyelid.

Until Scarlet is called for the generational transfer of story-important kids to Ever After High for their legacy year.

Peter: You’re a Hook?!

Scarlet: You didn’t know? I just thought you were being cool and non-judgmental!

Peter: How was I supposed to know? You didn’t say anything!

Scarlet: I do pirate stuff all the time! I literally wear a smaller version of the Hook heirloom coat every day!

Peter: A lot of pirates like that kind of coat, I assumed you were some average, background pirate’s daughter!

Scarlet: But you still made me an honorary Lost Girl.

Peter: I’m pert - perpetu - purpley - I’m innocent for forever, duh! Why would I not like you because of how you look and where you’re from? That’s a stupid thing grownups made up.

Scarlet: Then… why do you care?

Peter: (crying) Because now we’re gonna have to not be friends anymore!

Scarlet: Why?

Peter: (furrows brow and stares in intense thought) Because… well… the grownups from the mainland…

Scarlet: Because they said so?

Peter:

Cut to Milton sipping tea in his office, ready to commence the school year.

Milton: I suddenly feel something is terribly wrong.

So the requested Neverlandians arrive and, to everyone’s surprise, living legend Peter Pan tags along! They convince Milton that he’ll be a positive influence on the students. Who knows more about following the script than him? He’s actually lived every rerun! The inherent PR boost of the fabled Pan approving of the school and students’ excitement to meet him don’t hurt. Peter is given lodging and exemption from most school rules and, at least on paper, social norms. Unbeknownst to anyone else, this is all according to Operation: Get Scarlet Off The Hook. Raven Queen is meanwhile having defiant ideas of her own that set her on a collision course with both Milton and the conservative students and Peter and Scarlet’s personal agenda. From there, things spiral. A lot.

Starring:

Peter Pan, professional chaos gremlin. Biologically, he appears to be about ten, it’s kinda hard to tell. Mentally, he’s… complicated. He has tanned, freckled skin and brown hair matted and spiky with mud, full of leaves and twigs. He will not wash. That’s both a statement and a threat. His forest green eyes are wide and bright and almost always have a smile in them. His outfit resembles a crude green, brown and black scout leader uniform, cobbled together out of rough organic fabric and fur, complete with a sloppy Lost Kids insignia badge (his teammates have their own, each insignia a unique, unrelated design). He’s a force of nature, capable of being stopped only by emotional tactics and his own hubris. Freedom is his most fundamental and initially basically sole value. That and friendship. As impatient and temperamental as he may be, with push coming to shove for the first time in centuries he ultimately proves an incredibly loving and loyal friend. He has never been formally educated, so though his intelligence is sharp it manifests as cunning, disarming social skills provided whoever he’s talking to humours his quirks, and borderline supernatural intuition. He loathes school with a passion. Move over Hook, Milton Grimm is his new nemesis. He’ll make him beg to just have his hand cut off. Unless you’re branded a villain in his story, which you do have to be actively, repeatedly cruel to earn, Peter genuinely doesn’t have a mean bone in his body and is quick to trust and forgive. Part of the reason the harm he causes doesn’t register at first is his assumption that everyone shares his lighthearted worldview and is playing along with him. Over the course of the story he’s dragged kicking, screaming and in utter horror into being able to take things seriously; properly listen to and empathize with people, even when they oppose him; understand philosophical nuance; respect others’ perspectives and judgements; and admit when he’s wrong and work to fix it. All the while he must overcome the devastating identity crisis of ‘I’m the Boy Who Never Grows Up! If I grow up, who am I?’ and learn how to preserve the good qualities of childhood and balance them healthily with his new maturity.

Scarlet Hook, daughter of Captain Hook. She’s fifteen years old. She has light skin, the Hooks’ trademark long black curls in a high ponytail, piercing blue eyes and wears stereotypical pirate attire, sometimes with a modern twist, mostly in red, white and black with gold accents, e.g. a white T-shirt with a ruffled neckline, red jacket with gold buttons, short, brown rigging-like mesh skirt, crimson shorts, and black leather trainers with gold buckles. She’s a Rebel. Her stated reason is that she doesn’t want to get dismembered and all that, and being a talented athlete who would be set back by the loss of her dominant arm helps, but less vocally she couldn’t bear to betray her playful, teasing yet strong bonds with her friends. She’s a big sister to Peter and his accomplice in morally neutral self-serving chaos. She has a shrewd pragmatism that offsets his fancifulness. Her favourite sports are fencing (obviously), tennis, British football and hockey. She loves her father, who’s a really good parent if you discount his teaching her ruthlessness and spite, and the thrill and power of a pirate captain’s life. The more violent aspects of it do secretly disturb her, having inherited the family fear of the sight of only her own blood. Plus having a conscience and empathy deep down. But overall, taking the Jolly Rodger’s helm someday excites her. She admires Raven Queen for her courage in directly challenging the legacy system, whereas Scarlet is more comfortable working from the shadows, using subterfuge, pulling strings and manipulating people. She learns to value others’ rights and fight for the overarching Rebel cause to give all free will, coming into her own as a leader. She simultaneously gradually loses her aversion to open displays of affection.

Meghan Sylvia Beatrice Darling, daughter of Wendy Darling. She’s fifteen years old. She has fair skin, straight, dirty blonde hair in a neatly combed bob and brown eyes. Her clothes are in light shades of purple, pink and white, and their style, soft fabrics like cotton, relative lack of shaping and common themes of lace trim and solid colours or geometric patterns/animal prints (she’s particularly associated with deer) imitate pyjamas. She has several younger siblings affectionately nicknamed the Darling Horde, busy parents and is widely expected to be mature due to her destiny involving becoming a mother figure to the Lost Kids and later turning down endless youth. This has made her responsible and caring to a fault. She’s on the surface an archetypal ‘mum friend’, but a very exasperated one and actually rather sick of carrying others’ problems. Her overzealousness is just her trying not to let that show. Her de facto supporter status has left her highly sensitive, easily stressed and with fragile self-esteem - she isn’t as levelheaded as people assume she is. To compensate for her worries, she’s developed an escapist side. This is why she’s a Royal in the destiny debate, because she can’t wait to visit Neverland and have unbridled, fantastical childish fun, even if she knows she’ll need to leave afterward. She hopes her experiences there will give her whatever the key to proper maturity is that she doesn’t currently have. Meghan is friendly and sociable and tries to show kindness to everyone. She’s also an academic bookworm and massive nerd on the topic of magic, especially magical wildlife and nature. Her favourite subject is Science and Sorcery. Her growing romantic feelings toward Fire Lily stress her out at first, but she comes to embrace them just in time to see the destiny debate resolved.

Fire Lily, son of Tiger Lily. He’s fifteen years old. He has light brown skin, long black hair in two braids and blackish brown eyes. He wears traditional Navajo clothes primarily in blue with orange details, and silver and turquoise jewellery. He is quiet, reserved, dislikes expressing anger and is often misunderstood in Ever After; however, in Neverland he stands out for being sensible and logical (it’s notably different from Wonderland eccentricity, but mainlanders agree that there is something off about most Neverlandians). The truth is that he simply has a steady enough core of self-confidence that he doesn’t feel much need for social validation. At his worst, he can be prideful. That said, people usually either listening to him blindly because of his status or dismissing him as a side character without bothering to get to know him does grate on him; he wants to earn every ounce of respect he receives and is a Rebel out of distaste for judging people based on the roles they’re supposed to play rather than their individual personalities. He’s intelligent and perceptive. Being the heir to the Native American community, therefore an important figure in the island’s internal politics, Fire Lily’s life has thoroughly exposed him to human and supernatural drama, leading to a sharp sarcastic streak and expecting himself to be able to take new information in stride. When he can’t understand or adjust to something, he tends to panic and want to avoid it. He has a creative spirit and loves to paint and draw. This is when he’s most content. Another childhood friend of Peter’s who’d previously lost touch with him to focus on his duties, he ends up being a second sibling figure to him and Scarlet - the responsible variety, to their dismay but reluctant respect. He slowly reciprocates Meghan’s feelings and they get together at the concluding party of “Way Too Wonderland”.

And here’s some extra worldbuilding, because I’m fanatical! Neverland has a series of small port towns spread around the coastline for the pirates to sail between, visit and casually raid (everyone knows the stuff will be returned by the Lost Kids or someone else eventually; it’s no big deal, pirates gotta pirate). And of course, the people that get raided, run the inns and taverns the pirates stay in and supply the other inhabitants with seafood actually live there, having a much better relationship with the rest of the population. These people collectively have an uneasy peace with the merfolk. Merfolk can be found anywhere off the island’s coast, but their permanent underwater settlement is in the appropriately named Mermaid Bay. For reasons of a matriarchal culture, most merfolk that have the time and freedom to come to the surface at least of this community are female, so in the past it was believed there were no mermen. There are, they just tend to be shyer. Merfolk are mysterious, temperamental and unpredictable - their morals mostly don’t align with humans’, much like Peter’s, so caution is advised lest they suddenly try to drown you. Further inland is the Native American tribe, which I’ve made specifically Navajo here to avoid a vague stereotypical depiction. It has stable relations with everyone except the pirates and mermaids. But those two groups are always the antagonizers and the tribe has won impressive battles against them. It’s well-respected and its members can travel pretty much as they please. Then right in the heart of the landmass, nestled deep in the densest, wildest forest, is Peter and the Lost Kids’ hideout. They are ungovernable. They can go anywhere and do anything they want. The rest is all forest and wilderness, with some hills and dells and clearings here and there. This does contain many miniature fairy towns and cities (unlike Farrah and Faybelle’s kind, Neverlandian fairies are truly tiny), but they blend into the natural surroundings. Pollution and ecosystem disturbance is kept to a minimum. One of the benefits of the island’s seemingly mystical disinclination to major change.

Search ‘peter pan au’ on my blog for more!

[fanfictiondreamscape]

Alternate Endings (Pt. 2)

Title: Alternate Endings (Pt. 2) 

Genre: more angst, possibly more than the last part. this is your warning. 

Pairing: Victor Nikiforov x GN!Reader

Notes: This is a part 2 to the previous part, and I still used the angst prompt list from the aforementioned previous parts to form this piece.

With that said, I think that this will be the only part following the first unless I can find some way to continue the storyline. I intend to keep the ending somewhat depressing and sad, so I guess proceed with caution due to such. 

If you want something similar to this for any other character, please let me know, though! I may also mention that this went from a drabble, to a scenario, and now borders on an imagine - I can’t help that I got caught up! 

Part 1

Below the cut! 

You practically fell off the face of the Earth as soon as you left. 

Harboring all of the money you saved and deciding upon negotiations to make with your employer, you left Russia. You left Japan. You just...left. 

Travelling became a huge part of your life afterwards, and though many people had tried to regain contact with you, you ignored most of them - save for a few. Only Yuri Plisetsky and Yuuko Nishigori were available to your whims, but they were still advised to stay as quiet as possible regarding your whereabouts. 

You changed your whole appearance, changed your mindset, and even changed something as generally miniscule as your wardrobe. Still, as much as you did change and throw away, you couldn’t rid yourself of the many frivolous gifts that Victor had given you over the years. 

Some things you just can’t give up, but you knew that it would be fine. At the very least, you had something that would never let you forget about him. 

Victor, on the other hand, fell off the deep end. 

He had come across the note you’d slipped under his hotel room door and for the first time in a long time, he cried. A true mess was what Yuuri had come across, and as many times that he was able to help him through unconventional methods, this was nearly impossible. 

Victor didn’t leave Japan, but he did become so reclusive that even Yakov was extremely worried upon finding out about the occurrence from an offhand comment that Yurio made when talking to Yuuko over the phone before practice. 

Everyone around him saw the typically extravagant man become so dulled by misery that it became painful to watch. 

He didn’t even know where to start since he’d already tried to find you - looking everywhere that he knew you loved, everywhere that he knew you were often obligated to be at - but had failed to do so. 

It wasn’t until, when Yurio was free, that he overheard him and Yuuko talking at the front desk of the rink as Yuuri was warming up and he was getting his skates on. 

“Yeah, they’re in America right now. They just got a raise, actually - they were even thinking of dropping in when they get enough saved up,” Yuuko recollected, excitement dripping from her tone. 

“Well, they’d have to come by when Victor isn’t here. That would also mean that I’d be gone, but at least you could update me,” Yurio responded. He seemed more nonchalant about the whole thing, but Victor became hysterical. 

Granted, he did suppress what he could to eavesdrop further. 

“Of course! I am still a little worried about them, though - you remember how Victor had gone crazy trying to find them?” Yurio grunted in response. “Well, what if he decides to do something impulsive again and leave mid-competition?” 

The light-blonde teenager in front of Yuuko flinched at the thought. “That’s a good point...but we’ll never know unless it happens when it does.” 

A solemn chill fell upon the two, but the conversation split onto Yurio’s next routine and Victor left it to them. He stared wide-eyed, in pure disbelief, at the wall of lockers in front of him. 

“So they’re...(Y/n)’s in America....”

Ideas began to run through his head as the room became eerily quiet. Even Yuuri, who was sat in the corner and preferred a calm and quiet atmosphere, was perturbed by the sudden shift. 

“I know what I’ll do! Yuuri, skate if you want - I’m going to be out for a while,” Victor announced, generally resembling the flamboyant figure skating icon that everyone knew. 

He took his skates off and capped the blades, putting them into his bag and reaching for his cell phone and scrolling through listings. Katsuki was left dumbstruck, but he went on about what he was doing and decided to run through his routine a few times. 

Yurio had left by this point, and Yuuko was too far in the back to catch the tall man’s outburst. 

It wasn’t until the next day that he was extremely prepared and anyone who understood his issue was suspicious. Victor had hunted for every listing to America from Japan, and memorized the closest ones. Yuuko was the one person who was going to be there that he had to ask. 

“Yuuko, I must ask you something! Would you mind?” was Victor’s burning introduction, shocking the normally upbeat mother. She was a little taken aback at the bold attention grabber. 

“Mmm, yeah?” She tried to be as ‘typical’ as possible, considering that her suspicions were up now. She knew what was going on, she knew what Victor was burning for. 

“You said that you’ve been in contact with (Y/n), yes?” 

Yuuko deadpanned, eyes blank and dropping the facade that she was going to attempt to maintain. “I knew it. Listen, I know that you’ve been troubled since they left, and that they have been as well, but please - give them some more time.” 

Victor visibly deflated. He didn’t think it would work, really, but it was worth a shot. Maybe, just maybe, though.... “How about a hint? Is it hot? Cold? What is a landmark?” 

“No, Victor. Sorry.”

And he was back to his dejected being by the next hour. 

Victor was willing to annoy both her and Yurio, but gave up once they stood their ground with firm hold. “No. (Y/n) is fine, and they will come when they want.” It was always the answer, no matter who he asked. 

Daily, Yuuri would keep him company and skate to the best of his ability. It seemed to quench his troubles just a little bit before the up and coming competition season. 

Eventually, the Grand Prix rolled around again. Yurio was competing, as well as Yuuri, and Victor was there to maintain support for his ever-promising prodigy. 

Amongst the drama that had ensued, the two of them decided to take a break romantically and focus on the practice rather than devote too much issue to their worryingly stagnant relationship. 

It wasn’t until Yurio had pulled Yuuri aside when Victor was getting changed that he was let in on soem information that, had Victor heard, would send him into a frenzy. 

“(Y/n) wanted to me wish you good luck and let you know that they are here to watch. If you wanna talk, they’ll be waiting in the lobby.”

Yuuri almost faltered and told Victor, but decided against it. Your wishes were still high up, even if you two weren’t amazingly close. 

Sadly, Victor was still shaken and hurried. It was a large competition, and as much as he wanted to focus on the task at hand, you never left his mind. 

Over the year that you had fallen out of reach, he began to realize where he screwed up. Maybe he did like you at one time, but he let his own fears get the best of him and he fell to putting more of an interest to Yuuri. 

He truly loves Yuuri, but he truly loved you (romantically) at one point, and you slipped from his reach before he could manage to comprehend anything. 

So, upon making eye contact with a familiar pair of (e/c) eyes and an eerie copy of a blazer that he had given you as a birthday gift years ago, he was left idle. 

“(Y/n)?”

You sucked in a breath and shrugged, sighing afterwards and shaking your head. “Yep, it’s me. Hello, again, Victor.” 

Tears flooded his eyes as he ran to you, arms open and tight as his hug enveloped your frame. You didn’t reciprocate, not immediately at least. With obvious hesitance, you returned the hug, but pushed him away only a couple seconds later. 

“You’ve got a skater to support. We can talk later, okay?” 

“But, you’ve come back and-” 

“Victor. Go support Yuuri.”

He bit his lip, but nodded nonetheless and embarked to the rink. 

After the free skate, the next day’s events were prepared and everyone was sent out for the day. Yurio had caught up with you before heading to his hotel room, and Yuuri had popped in before he changed out of his costume, but Victor was most eager to meet you.

Upon seeing each other, yet again, in the lobby, the two of you parted ways but decided to meet at a restaurant in town. Yuuri would be dining with Phichit and some other competitors, and Yurio was with Otabek going sightseeing, so this was a prime opportunity. 

Silence loomed over the two of you, slow walking and sounds of nature overwhelming your senses. 

“So, you’re probably curious as to where I’ve been,” you began, breaking the tension as calmly as possible. You could have sworn that your heart was going to burst out of your chest if you let the quiet settle any longer. 

“Yes, (Y/n). I really have been.” Victor, for once in the time that you have known him, was quiet. He was never really afraid to speak to you about anything, but the way he was acting now let some of the more obvious pain show. 

“I’ve also been extremely worried. I never realized that you felt like that.”

You stopped upon the sentence, eyeing a nearby bench. Victor followed suit and looked down at you, eye contact being maintained. His gorgeous blue eyes were glassy and he appeared on the verge of tears. 

“(Y/n), darling, I never realized how much you actually meant to me. I was stupid. I- I really, truly did love you. I always thought that you were too good for me, though, so I tried to make the ideas disappear. It worked, but only for a while. I love you, (Y/n). Honestly, I really do, and...

“I don’t know how much longer I can endure this.” 

Your brows furrowed at his proclamation. The thought had never really crossed your mind, but you had always been drawn to his personality and how driven he was. You knew that he would do this, though, as he could also be notably daft regarding certain things. 

“Victor, I-.... Listen, I loved you at one point, but you found Yuuri. You found your match. You made your decision. Out of respect for you and him, I left. But I also did it to respect myself.

“I know my habits. I know that I can fixate, so I needed to get out of your hair if I wanted to feel better. So I did. I’m engaged now, Victor, and the person that I met is amazing. I thought that could have been you. But it wasn’t, and I’m okay with that now.” 

“You- you’re engaged?”

“Yes, yes I am. We haven’t planned our wedding date quite yet, but it is being discussed. The fact of the matter is simple: I knew what would happen if I were to stay, and as much as I love you, - platonically - staying here wouldn’t do me any good. Life comes, things change, and sometimes we just gotta give up.”

Silence fell on you two yet again, but it was interrupted by the slight sniffling coming from the tall Russian. 

“Victor, I came back not because I wanted to fight for your affection, but because I’ve been worried about you. I just want you to know that...I still do care for you, and I have still supported you and Yuuri. But what you want, what I wanted...that’s not possible anymore.” 

Pausing, you thought over your next words. Nothing was ever going to completely repair what was broken, but at the very least, you could try. 

“How about this? Here’s my new number,” you handed him a small slip of paper with the nine digits printed on it in your handwriting. “Let’s start talking again, and you can meet my fiancee sometime. Sound good?”

His mood nearly took a 180, but his demeanor was still sullen and sad. A weak smile crossed his face, and he responded in kind, “Of course. How about we go back to the group and enjoy dinner, though? You’re here again, and it’s more than I could ask for - but we have a lot of catching up to do.” 

[theadventurousdork]

Dani Clayton and Jamie Taylor: A scene by scene study on the dynamism of a queer romance

by theadventurousdork

Well, here we are! An unnecessarily long essay breaking down Dani and Jamie’s scenes together that I decided to write purely for the fact that they have taken a hold of my queer little heart and haven’t given it back yet. Grab some awful tea or coffee and take a read, if you’d like! 

Episode One

In this episode, we see Dani and Jamie meet for the very first time. This is the beginning of them and their story. It all starts in the kitchen of Bly Manor where a dirt covered Jamie walks in just in time for the residents of Bly to gather for an afternoon lunch.

“The gardener didn’t even introduce herself to the new au pair. She barely acknowledged her at all. Simply treated her as if she’d always been there. The others in the room just assumed they’d already met, which, if she were honest, was how the au pair felt when she first saw the young woman.”

Jamie walks in without even batting an eye to the new guest meanwhile, we see a soft eyed Dani looking over at the gardener with a gaze that gives the audience the first look to the gravitational pull that seems to be set between them. With Dani explaining her belief that she has seen someone on the parapet of the old wing, Jamie’s reaction is cold. She looks down at the table with a hardened look. She looks almost hurt. We learn later on that Jamie was the first adult resident of Bly to find the dead body of Rebecca Jessel floating in the lake of the manor which has probably resulted in trauma for Jamie as she remembers her late friend. With Owen and Hannah also finding the possibility of someone being on the balcony to be slim, the residents carry on with their meal. As the introduction to Jamie’s character, we are able to see her cold and guarded exterior. However, we also see her wit and humor as she comfortably pokes fun at Miles and Flora. The space she takes when she walks into a room isn’t empty for she fills it with her bold personality and Dani immediately takes notice of this yet she doesn’t show any hint of openly acknowledging it. 

Episode Two

Episode two sheds a different light on the pairing. This episode gives us the first look at Dani’s trauma and the weight that she’s feeling on her conscience. But first, we see her changing the tide at Bly as she puts Miles and Flora to work in the garden as punishment for locking her in a closet. As Dani and the children pull weeds, a relaxed Hannah and Jamie watch from a distance just as Owen offers them drinks. As the trio sip on their gin and tea, they discuss Dani and how her presence is a nice addition to the grounds of Bly. This is where something I call “testing of the waters: part one” occurs. Jamie asks Owen if he thinks that Dani’s pretty before continuing to poke fun at his inability to answer. Now this seems rude, especially considering Hannah’s negative reaction to it even going as far as to remind her that romances don’t fare well at Bly. However, I feel like Jamie does this purposefully to see if Owen would provide any reaction that would indicate that he would have any intent of pursuing Dani, which he quickly shuts down as he states that he only has eyes for Hannah. Jamie’s choice to do this can boil down to a simple poking of fun or maybe something more in terms of her trying to understand, and maybe even deny, the gravitational pull that she’s feeling towards Dani by deflecting it to Owen. 

This episode also offers the first glimpse into Jamie’s humanity and her deeply empathetic nature. As a distressed Dani storms outside in tears after being triggered from seeing her dead ex-fiancé’s glasses, our favorite gardener comes to the rescue with buckets in hand. Now this is probably the first time that Dani has physically seen Edmund’s glasses since she packed them away before leaving Bly which can explain her intense reaction to finding Flora wearing them. The part to highlight about this interaction between Jamie and Dani isn’t the fact that Jamie tries to console her but is the way that she does so. First and foremost, the gardener tries to make au pair laugh. She makes multiple attempts in her dialogue to make Dani crack the slightest smile. Jamie’s dialogue saying, “there we are,” after Dani finally gives into the attempted jokes shows how laughter was Jamie’s initial goal. 

“How else do you think I keep all these fucking plants watered? With my endless well of deep inconsolable tears. That’s how. It’s what got me the job in the first place.” 

After she accomplishes this, she goes on to relate to Dani by telling her that she cries several times a day in an effort to make Dani feel normal and not alone in her vulnerable state. To see someone as cold and guarded as Jamie admit to something like this quickly humanizes her and puts her in the position of becoming a dynamic character. Finally, Jamie tells the au pair that she’s doing a great job and leaves a smiling Dani to watch her as she leaves. This offers insight to how Jamie doesn’t like seeing people in distress. She radiates a grounding energy and puts it upon herself to ensure that no one feels like they’re in over their head. 

Dani is able to return the favor as she finds an angry Jamie kneeled over a massacre of her rose bushes. Jamie’s hotheaded attitude is shown as she wastes no time getting up to confront Miles for cutting her roses before they were ready. The point to highlight in this moment is that Dani hears her out. Dani listens to Jamie’s grievances and not once tells her that she’s overreacting. Dani hasn’t known Jamie for long but she knows the importance of plants to the gardener and she doesn’t give Miles a pass at ruining something that matters so much to her. Having two separate scenes showing that each half of the pair have the power to talk each other down regardless of having known each other long, serves as a taste as what’s to come for their journey together. 

Episode Three

Here we see “testing of the waters: part two” as the keepers of Bly watch over a sleeping Miles and Flora by a crackling fireplace. A tired Hannah rests her head on Owen’s shoulder as Dani and Jamie watch from across the room. Jamie goes onto ask Dani if she wishes she were leaning on Owen instead of Hannah and explains how every woman in town fawns over Owen without him even knowing it. This key moment goes hand in hand with Jamie’s testing of the waters in episode 2 when she tests Owen’s potential attraction to Dani to now testing to see if Dani would be interested in Owen. Jamie’s subtle comments allow her to see the odds of Dani liking Owen without risking any awkward interaction that would potentially be too invasive. With Owen being the only man in the house, it’s understandable for Jamie to want to see if Dani would pursue him which in turn would signal that Dani may not be interested in someone like her.

What comes next is what I like to believe is the moment that Jamie begins to fall for Dani and I mean really fall for her. The conversation about love and possession is beautifully done and sets the distinction that will go onto separate Peter and Rebecca from Dani and Jamie. After a vindictive history lesson on the toxicity of Peter and Rebecca’s relationship, Jamie mentions the idea of loving someone versus possessing someone to which Dani replies that she doesn’t believe should be possible. The effect of this is seen on Jamie’s face as she looks at Dani. It’s a face that says that she’s staring at someone who understands. Understands the fragility of love and the thin lines that separate healthy versions of love from toxic ones. It happens in the span of a second but we can see a switch click in Jamie’s mind just before she breaks her gaze. From what we collect of Jamie’s past a few episodes later, we come to understand that she has always been owned. Stemming from a broken home and growing up in the foster care system, Jamie has always been someone else’s possession to claim ownership of but never was truly loved and nurtured. To hear someone finally understand that there’s a distinction between loving someone versus feeling like they have the right of possessing them, must feel like a moment of overdue comfort. 

After a restless night due to seeing Edmund’s ghost again, Dani wakes up the following morning to see Jamie asleep on the couch. This scene lasts merely thirty seconds so why make the choice to keep it in? What significance does it really hold? Is there any significance at all? For me, the significance is comfort. I feel like there’s a level of comfort that Dani feels when she realizes that Jamie was just down the stairs as she laid awake the night prior feeling as if she were alone in the depths of her own shadows. 

The new day ends in the tragic news that Owen’s mom has passed away. After a sympathetic Hannah sends Owen off and leaves to light a candle for the deceased, the gardener and au pair are left to give their own goodbyes to each other. As Dani voices that she’s glad that Jamie stayed on the grounds throughout the day and the night prior, Jamie agrees and the two share an uninterrupted gaze at one another. Here is where we see Dani’s first advance as she takes hold of Jamie’s hand. Ever so slightly does Jamie latch back before Dani quickly pulls away. 

“Who the hell knew?”

Those words leave Jamie’s mouth as a mixture of relief and shock paint her face as she gets into her car. Dani watches her drive away with an expression that reads “did I really do what I think I just did?” This moment is cut short as she turns around to see Edmund’s ghost staring blankly from behind her. Fear overcomes Dani and a scream is let out as Edmund gets sucked backwards by an invisible force. Up until this point, Edmund’s ghost has remained stagnant, either appearing in a reflection or in parts. This extreme motion of getting pulled backward into the manor can be read as a way to reflect the intensity of the emotions that Dani is feeling in that exact moment. The amount of tension that Dani must have felt to muster up the courage to reach for Jamie’s hand must have been extremely intense which in turn would evoke an intense manifestation of Edmund’s ghost. 

Episode Four 

Episode four is what I call the episode of guilt. In this hour, we delve deeper into Dani’s past and the darkness that she’s been holding in her heart. Dani’s life just before Bly is revealed and we see snippets of her life with Edmund. From childhood best friends to teenage lovers to getting engaged, Dani and Edmund almost seemed like the perfect set up to an 80s romcom. Almost is the key word here as it’s revealed that Dani breaks up with Edmund just before he storms out of their car into the path of an oncoming truck, killing him right in front of her thus revealing why Edmund is haunting her. Flashforward to Bly, Dani has begun to see Edmund’s ghost more and more. His first appearance in the episode is in Dani’s bedroom mirror just as Jamie helps unzip her dress. If it weren’t apparent in the episodes prior, Dani holds an immense amount of guilt. This guilt doesn’t only stem from being the reason why Edmund was killed but also lies in who she is. Edmund’s presence is symbolic for the guilt that Dani feels whenever she is just on the brink of exploring her sexuality. We see that every interaction that Dani has with Edmund’s ghost occurs just after she shares a moment with Jamie. With Jamie being a tangible representation of what Dani desires, her visions of Edmund become more intense and more frequent as her guilt increases. 

The episode continues to show Dani experiencing Edmund’s haunting again when Jamie arrives back to the manor after attending Owen’s mom’s funeral. Here we see Dani catching herself staring at Jamie from across the table. When Jamie catches her gaze, Dani retreats to the sink where we see a mixture of nervousness and excitement across Dani’s face as she looks over her shoulder to take one more look. This moment filled with butterflies and yearning is cut short as Edmund’s hands slide across Dani’s hips as she sees him in a reflection which causes her to panic. Edmund’s presence is growing closer and stronger as Dani has begun to navigate her feelings for Jamie.

In a flashback, we get a glimpse into possibly one of the first times that Dani’s internal conflict of her sexuality crosses her mind. As Dani gets a dress fitted, the female tailor makes flirtatious passes at her. We see Dani acknowledge these advances and isn’t opposed to them occurring. The scene switches to a guilt stricken Dani, her eyebrows furrowed above saddened eyes that wander upward to Jamie who’s helping prep the table for dinner. This quick glance up to Jamie holds so much. The internal turmoil that Dani is feeling in this moment is palpable. To think that all of her moments of repression have led up to this. This feeling of wanting. This feeling of yearning. To live openly and authentically as the person she’s always been.

Later that night, the keepers of Bly hold a bonfire to honor those that they’ve lost. A weight can be felt on the four as they remember their late loved ones by the warmth of the fire. The concept of found family lies in the heart of those who find a home at Bly and can be seen through Hannah and Jamie’s odes to the late Rebecca, Dominic, and Charlotte. 

“Because from here on in, the shadows get deeper… the nights get longer. We’re heading into the dark and we have to hang onto each other. So, we can only carry so much.”

As they commemorate who they’ve lost, Jamie mentions Dani and how she believes that Dani is the key to getting Miles and Flora back to themselves. A moment of pain rushes across Dani’s face as Jamie states how she believes that Dani is stronger than she thinks. To be in the midst of an internal conflict yet hear how someone believes in your strength can be something so painful to hear as you struggle to believe it yourself. We see Dani in a battle with herself as she fights to live authentically regardless of the guilt she’s carrying. 

Eventually, the gardener and the au pair break away from Owen and Hannah to go to the greenhouse. A pivotal moment in the growth of Dani and Jamie’s relationship occurs here when Dani makes the decision to lay everything out on the table for Jamie and finally explain her history with Edmund as well as sometimes seeing his ghost. 

“I’ve never told anybody that.”

These words that leave Dani’s mouth are so intimate and so vulnerable. Jamie takes what she’s being dealt and handles it with such a level of care that ensures that Dani knows that she’s being heard and respected. As we’ve seen Jamie talk Dani down from a breakdown in episode 2, we see a parallel here where Jamie takes it upon herself to make Dani laugh in an effort to console her. This moment is cut short as Dani musters the courage to ask the heartbreaking question that allows Jamie to make the decision whether to take or leave Dani and all of her baggage.

“Think I’m crazy?”

The pain in Dani’s face as she asks this shows just how scared she is to be rejected by the one person she wants the most. Without even a hint of hesitation, Jamie reassures her that nothing has changed in her view of Dani’s strength. A wave of relief comes over Dani as she’s hit her tipping point of acting upon the feelings she’s been suppressing all this time. She kisses Jamie and a moment of vulnerability is shown on Jamie’s face as she gets the confirmation that Dani is sure in her decision to do this. This moment is short lived by Edmund’s ghost appearing just behind Jamie, causing Dani to retreat in a panic. This is probably the worst cockblock in the history of cockblocks. Dani quickly retreats as Jamie mirrors her actions and immediately puts her walls back up as embarrassment sinks into them both in different directions. As the pair make it back to Hannah and Owen, Dani is visibly disappointed with how things ended up. Jamie’s comment of “it’s all good” as she guides Owen away from the bonfire shows how she would prefer to move on right away instead of confronting the confusing messages she’s just received from Dani. 

The final scene of the episode is what I like to call Dani’s last straw. Dani’s guilt has turned to anger as she makes the decision to confront her own shadows by throwing Edmund’s glasses into the bonfire. Flashbacks of kissing Jamie intercut the scene to really solidify Dani’s desires to move on and be able to freely love her without the burden of her past. 

“It’s just you and me then.”

Dani is tired. She’s waited for this moment. She’s finally accepted this part of her and she stares straight into Edmund’s ghost without any more fear. She’s found the strength to move on. 

Episode Six

The sponsor of this episode is cement as Dani and Jamie cement their relationship in this hour. The episode begins with Dani’s attempt at reconciliation after the unfortunate cockblock of a certain dead ex-fiancé in episode four. Dani wakes up at the crack of dawn to visit Jamie in her greenhouse. Dani’s entire existence in this moment is ridden with nervousness as she puts on her best “everything is normal” face. Jamie is quick to notice how out of character waking up this early is for Dani to which Dani dismisses. We see that Jamie’s cold and guarded exterior is back and for good reason considering the unfortunate events at the end of her and Dani’s last interaction.  Dani’s eagerness to patch things up puts her through several attempts at getting a reaction out of Jamie, each of which ends up being shut down. First is the gesture of giving Jamie coffee which results in her gently spitting it back into the cup. Next is Dani’s attempt at voicing how lonely she’s been.

“No Owen. No you.”

Dani’s voice drags on a little longer here to emphasize how Jamie’s absence the last few days have created a noticeable emptiness at the manor. Jamie responds with a simple “sometimes people wanna be alone” which seems like her own personal choice. However, Dani finally gets a reaction through Jamie’s icy exterior when she makes her laugh after a terrible attempt at a British accent. This mirrors the other instances prior where Jamie has made the effort to make Dani laugh in order to ease any emotional tension. After the ice has been broken, we see Dani’s first wind of confidence as she asks Jamie out to a boring ol’ date at a boring ol’ pub. We can see relief and a sense of pride strewn across Dani’s face when Jamie catches her drift. This marks the beginning of a fresh start for the two. 

The next time we see the pair is in the kitchen as Jamie surprises Dani by coming back to the manor after initially leaving.

“Made it halfway home and I thought ‘rough day, maybe Poppins might fancy a little boredom.’”

Dani’s shocked excitement quickly turns into awkward nervousness as Hannah and Owen wave them away to spend time together. Jamie gently takes Dani’s hand and guides her out of the room. This presents the reaffirmation that Jamie still cares enough to try again with Dani.  

The gardener leads the au pair somewhere off on the grounds of Bly to a secret area where moonflowers have bloomed. She explains how difficult they are to grow in England and how fragile their lifespan is. 

“That’s a lot of work for a flower that only blooms once.”

“That’s what people feel like to me. Exhaustive effort, very little to show for it.”

“All of them?”

“All of them. Even you. Even me… especially me.”

Jamie’s emphasis on herself shows her insecurity of not being enough after anyone makes the effort to break down her walls and gets to know who she really is. What follows is a tear-jerking speech that gives insight on Jamie’s past and her painful upbringing. From the details of her childhood like growing up in a broken home, being forced into foster care, and serving time in jail, we begin to understand why she puts such a strong, guarded front. The absence of a family unit in her youth and young adulthood has resulted in her feeling like she may be unlovable. Like she might not be worth the effort of loving. Just as Dani did in episode four, this is Jamie laying everything out on the table for Dani to decide whether or not she will take or leave Jamie and all of her baggage. After Jamie finishes her monologue, Dani gets up and doesn’t say a word. She takes hold of Jamie and kisses her. No words can alleviate the pain that Jamie’s endured but the effort of loving her can be a start. Dani pulls away for a brief moment to reveal a relieved Jamie smiling back at her after she has realized that Dani has chosen to accept her for everything that she is. 

The next scene they have together is the morning after Dani finally gets her first restful night’s sleep. 

“The au pair could not remember that last time she’d slept this well. And she thought perhaps she never had.”

The moment to highlight in this short scene is Dani stopping to look at herself in the mirror. She is finally able to see her truest self without being haunted of guilt. She smiles as she looks at her reflection and to a sleeping Jamie in the bed next to her. She’s finally made peace with herself. 

The final Dani and Jamie scene of the episode occurs at the end of the day just as Dani puts Flora to bed. Here we see the purity in the relationship that the two are creating. We see Dani unapologetically long for Jamie as she says she’s going to leave for the night. The au pair’s subtle look at the gardener’s lips as she speaks and the inching closer and closer to her shows just how high Dani’s confidence levels have risen to after being able to finally love freely. To see Dani in such a smitten state of mind is a breath of fresh air for not only herself but for us, the viewers, who have seen her in such a trapped state of mind when it comes to loving someone. The innocence of longing, in tandem of making the promise of spending other nights together, show how much care and caution they are taking in order to ensure that they’re building their relationship in a healthy manner. What they are both experiencing shows a trade off of what they each have to give to the other. Dani has accepted her sexuality, which is something that seems like Jamie has already done long ago. Meanwhile, Jamie is being loved and wanted, potentially for the first time which is something that Dani has already experienced in her past. Each half of the pairing offers support and guidance to the other as they begin their journey as a couple. 

Episode Nine

This final episode of the season was an absolute doozy in terms of Dani and Jamie’s relationship. I’ve watched all of these scenes a solid million times over and I bawl my eyes out every. damn. time. But I mopped up my tear-soaked notebook and carried on for the purpose of this essay. The episode picks up action as Flora sacrifices herself to save Dani from being dragged and choked to death by Viola, the Lady of the Lake. As Jamie and Owen arrive back at the manor after both having awful dreams, they briefly see Hannah as she says that they’re needed at the lake. Jamie bolts the second she hears Dani yelling. She knows Dani’s in trouble and wastes absolutely zero time trying to find her. Jamie yells Dani’s name and you can feel that her sense of urgency has one goal in mind: save Dani. 

“It’s you. It’s me. It’s Us.”

Viola has accepted the au pair’s offer. Besides Flora, Jamie is the only witness to see Dani’s last moment of belonging to only herself. From this point on, the darkness begins to fester deep within Dani’s soul and Jamie must live knowing that there was nothing that she could do as she watched Dani let part of herself go to let Viola in. Jamie runs into the lake as Dani’s trauma starts almost immediately. Her breathing is quickened, and she can’t stop repeating those final words that she felt deep in her bones. The gardener holds the au pair and takes one look at her as she already notices the effects of trauma. Dani’s darting eyes are panicked as she struggles to register that Jamie is there with her. Her breathing finally slows as Jamie holds her close in her attempts to calm her down. Jamie is Dani’s grounding force in this moment. Dani has finally freed the ghosts of Bly but at the cost of her own self. Her own life for the souls of the others. 

The following scene highlights the days following the incident at the lake, immediately starting with Jamie and Owen looking into the well to find Hannah’s dead body. I wanted to highlight this moment just for the sake of Jamie for she has been there to witness all the deaths of her loved ones firsthand. She was the first adult to find Rebecca in the lake, one of the first to find Hannah in the well, and the first to see Dani die in more ways than one. She just can’t seem to catch a break but after all… death is beautiful, it’s natural.

Jamie finds Dani as she packs away her things however, Dani’s mind appears to be somewhere else. Darkness has begun to burrow itself into Dani’s soul. She’s shaking. She’s terrified. She’s mourning the loss of herself. 

“I feel her. In here. It’s so quiet, it’s so quiet, but she’s in here. And this part of her that’s in here, it isn’t… peaceful.”

Dani explains how Viola’s presence feels like a beast waiting for her in a thick jungle. She feels hopeless again but this time feels heavier than all the rest. She has something to lose here now. She has a relationship with Jamie to lose, she has an entire life to lose. It isn’t as simple as feeling the guilt of losing someone or the guilt of loving someone. This feeling isn’t human, this feeling of dread goes beyond what the stages of grief entails. Where is she to go if she can’t go within herself to find peace? 

“She’s gonna take me.”

A tear falls down Jamie’s face as these heavy words fall out of Dani’s mouth. This is the first hint of Jamie losing Dani. The fear of the inevitable fills the room with such a weight that no words can alleviate Dani’s pain. Yet Jamie tries. She tries her damn best. She offers her company with the seal of a pinky promise. She gives all that she can offer: herself and her love. Dani’s feeling of darkness doesn’t have to be lonely this time. 

After a final goodbye to Henry, Miles, and Flora, the gardener and the au pair set off to start their lives together as the image of Bly fades away into the distance. Their life together starts at a diner as Jamie plans their course of action, hoping to end up in Vermont to see snow by Christmas. Here we see Dani looking at her own reflection in the tableside jukebox before stopping Jamie as she worries that they’re planning too far ahead. Dani’s cautious. She doesn’t want to get either of their hopes up. 

“One day at a time is fine by me. As long as those days are with you, Poppins. One day at a time is what we’ve got.”

There’s a brightness in these words which in turn reflect onto them. There’s a light in this moment that shows that they haven’t lost their footing yet. And thus begins the final climb to their highest point before the tragedy that lies ahead occurs. We flashforward to a year later to The Leafling, the flower shop that the pair have opened up together. Dani is still Dani and Jamie is still Jamie but more in love this time than the last time and the time before that. 

“You see, I’m not sick of you. At all. I’m actually pretty in love with you, it turns out.”

Here we see the reintroduction of the moonflower. The symbol of Jamie and Dani’s love. The last time we saw the moonflower was back when the pair finally made the choice to accept one another and start their relationship. This time, we see the moonflower one last time as Jamie chooses to solidify their love by finally breaking the big L word. 

A montage ensues of the gardener and the au pair’s life together. Years have passed and peace was just finally in their grasp. Or so it seemed. This feeling of fluttering innocence is put to a halt as Dani sees Viola’s reflection in the door of the flower shop. Dani stops in her tracks as she stares at the reflection, her face is still as she stands in a quiet shock. That is until she sees Jamie through the door, smiling at her with such a playful gaze. This instance shows yet again that Jamie is Dani’s grounding force even after all this time and Dani’s own reflection returns not even a second later. This is a moment for the audience to take a peek into Jamie’s importance in Dani’s life, especially at a point that something so vengeful is making its way to the surface. To see Jamie’s smiling face cut through the image of the beast in the jungle, we can’t help but feel the same pain yet also the sense of relief that Dani must feel in this moment. Although Dani returns to herself, we can’t help but feel Viola’s presence looming. 

The scene that follows is another significant milestone in Dani and Jamie’s journey together as Dani comes back home with a dying plant that’s concealing an engagement ring. Above the surface, Dani has put the ring in a dying plant because she knew that Jamie would waste no time investigating how to save it. But this can also be interpreted in relation to Jamie’s moonflower speech where she says “every living thing grows out of every dying thing” to show how their relationship is taking the next step of growth as she pulls the ring out of a dying plant. The ring itself is a traditional Irish Claddagh ring, which shows how Dani did her research and chose a ring specific to Jamie’s northern heritage. The hands that make the band of the ring represents friendship, while the heart representing love, and the crown representing loyalty. These representations are fitting for the relationship that the pairing has created and for Dani’s proposal speech. 

“Here’s the thing - you’re my best friend and the love of my life. And I don’t know how much time we have left but however much it is, I wanna spend it with you.”

The thing to highlight about Dani and Jamie’s relationship is that it runs on Dani’s timeline which is something that is so important to showcase, especially considering how Edmund had made almost all the choices for her in her previous engagement. Jamie understands this and has always insured that Dani felt comfortable before progressing further into their relationship together. In this moment, Jamie finally has a promise of love while Dani has security in the person she loves the most. As Jamie accepts her proposal and the two share a moment of celebration, Dani’s face of worry as she hugs Jamie shows that she feels an inability to be fully happy. She’s unable to fully give herself to Jamie in this moment which in turn shows how Viola’s presence is getting closer and getting darker. 

We jump slightly forward in time to the pair visiting Owen’s aptly named restaurant, A Batter Place. After a moment of remembrance for Hannah, Dani looks into the reflection of a metal water pitcher to see Viola’s reflection yet again. Dani’s face is surprised by this sight, but she keeps it quietly to herself as to not ruin the moment of reunion. If we compare this instance to the first time Dani looked at her reflection at the tableside jukebox at the diner years prior, we can see that this moment is filled with much more darkness. The light that used to be inside of her is dimming. Although Jamie is holding her and is physically next to her in this moment, she doesn’t cut through the darkness anymore. Jamie’s power as a grounding force is dimming as well. 

“So, they’re all happy?”

The inflection in Dani’s voice here is so subtle that only Jamie takes notice of it. Jamie looks at Dani and senses that something has gone off in her. Owen continues to explain how Miles and Flora have no recollection of the events that took place at Bly. No recollection of the sacrifice that Dani made to save them. 

“So, if they don’t remember Hannah…they don’t remember…”

Dani’s voice trails off here. She looks down and is caught in the bitter realization that her sacrifice has been forgotten. This feeling of a looming darkness, this feeling of living a life that’s ticking down to her own demise… was it worth it? Jamie can feel Dani’s pain immediately as her eyes stayed glued on Dani who’s trying to see if there would be any way to remind Miles and Flora about what she did.  The gardener stares at au pair without breaking away and in this instant, we can see that, along with Dani, Jamie is breaking too. Breaking under the burden of knowing that she can’t take Dani’s pain away.

The scene that follows shows Dani washing dishes where she sees Viola again in the water. She panics and finally admits to Jamie that she’s been seeing her more and more. The tension that was present between them moments earlier immediately fades away as Jamie wastes no time in trying to console Dani. Jamie’s blind optimism here has a slight tinge of desperation as she refuses to let Dani slip away into the abyss that’s growing stronger and stronger. Dani’s interaction with Viola’s reflection in this moment sets off an alarm bell within her, unlike the other times where she sat quietly and dealt with it on her own. This is Dani’s tipping point. The highest level of fear is felt as the reality is beginning to sink in that the beast is coming for her. Another thing to note here is that even after all these years, Jamie still makes the conscious effort to make Dani laugh. 

“I’ll do the washing up from now on, yeah? You’re shit at it anyway.”

Dani can’t help but give the smallest laugh, but it’s more than enough for Jamie. Through Jamie’s optimism, we have begun to see that she’s not only consoling Dani but also herself as she tries to convince both of them that they can have so much more time together. The episode continues on with the train of heartbreak as Jamie comes home after receiving civil union paperwork for her and Dani. What comes next is what I feel like is the most heartbreaking Dani moment in the entire series. Dani stares deep into an overflowing bathtub where an ominous Viola stares back at her. Jamie is quick to bring Dani back to reality but Dani has lost her footing. Her hold on Viola has flipped to Viola having a hold on her. 

“It’s like every day I feel myself fading away, but I’m still here, and… I don’t really understand how that is.” 

The fear has withered away into emptiness as Dani struggles to stay afloat. We see Jamie so pained as she watches the light fade into a grey nothingness as she listens to Dani talk about how she is beginning to lose herself to the beast. 

“I’m not even scared of her anymore. I just stare at her, and it’s getting harder and harder to see me.” 

To listen to the love of her life slip away through her fingers has Jamie in a phase of denial as she continuously refuses to let Dani break apart. We see the gardener’s optimism wavering as she tries her best to help the au pair hold onto herself. Dani’s voice as she says Jamie’s name is filled with nothing but pure hopelessness and despair as she dips further and further into uncertainty. Yet Jamie doesn’t lose hope. Jamie would never give up on Dani as she repeats the words she told Dani in the diner all those years ago. 

“One day at a time.”

However, Jamie has run out of answers. She can only offer comfort now. 

Next we see Dani hit her lowest low as she is taken over by Viola and awakes to see that she almost strangled Jamie to death in their sleep. Dani is shocked and broken as she sits in the disbelief of what she almost did. The time has come. The beast has arrived. Viola has waited years until Dani was so broken down and so vulnerable, that she would finally be able to take her. However, we can’t help but believe that Dani fought off Viola this long thanks to the love her and Jamie shared.

The gardener wakes up the following morning to find an empty space next to her. She reaches to the empty space in the bed and then for the note left on the bedside table. It can only mean one thing: her biggest fear has come to light. With her strong will and determination, Jamie gives one final push and flies back across the pond to Bly to face what she’s been in fear of all this time. The amount of immense grief that is felt in this moment, to be at the same place that the love of her life began to be taken away from her all those years ago, must be incredibly damaging. The manor holds so much of Jamie’s life. She found her family there. She created a beautiful garden on those grounds. Her and Dani’s love blossomed on the same grounds that she first began to lose her that night at the lake. Jamie storms off to the edge of the water. Her face is so tired. She already knows what she’s going to find and yet she still doesn’t lose the hope that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be true. 

“The gardener said the words she’d heard those years ago; she willed it with everything she had. You, me, us. Us. ‘Take me with you,’ she cried in her heart. ‘Take me. Drag me down like you did the others.’ But the lady in the lake was different now – the lady in the lake was also Dani. And Dani wouldn’t. Dani would never.” 

The agony and desperation that we see Jamie endure in the moments that we see her find Dani laying at the very bottom of the lake is a type of pain that is unmatched from any other moment of pain that we’ve seen this season. Her muffled screams as she takes a hold of her heart, only to let her arms go in despair under the water is something so haunting yet so unbelievably moving to see her love so much considering how far she’s come from the cold and guarded gardener we saw all the way back in episode one. She would’ve given up everything. Absolutely everything to take Dani’s place. Given up everything to join Dani at the bottom of the lake. Unlike Peter with Rebecca, Dani could never take Jamie down to the depths. Dani could never harm a single soul, let alone the one person that mattered the most to her. By letting Jamie go and taking Viola’s place as the lady of the lake, Dani has broken the cycle of violence that’s haunted the grounds of Bly for centuries. As Jamie was the hero of Dani’s story, Dani will always be the hero to Jamie’s. 

The final act of the season ends with an older Jamie finishing her story to the wedding guests. 

“She would know nothing of the gardener, nothing of their life together. The details, the specific moments would all fade away. More time will pass, and the water will wash away the delicate features of her; of her beautiful, perfect face. But she won’t be hollow, nor empty. And she won’t pull others to her fate. She will merely walk the grounds of Bly, harmless as a dove, for all of her days. Leaving the only trace of who she once was in the memory of the woman who loved her most.”

We see an older Jamie comfort a teary-eyed Flora who is afraid of the time when she would also lose the love of her life. Jamie comforts her with advice that we can only ever assume she learned in her time with Dani. The final scene shows the gardener’s nightly routine as she stares into reflections, hoping to catch one last glimpse of the au pair. As she drifts away into sleep, a hand wearing a golden wedding ring rests gently on her shoulder. Our haunting love story has come to an end. And the rest? Well the rest… is confetti.  

[the-dragon-hearted]

Dream and Technoblade

So, the Dream and Techno villain duo - a breakdown of their characterization:

Get yourself a rival who will bond with you in prison, laugh at your jokes, argue with your shared torturers, and then leave you hidden Blueprints under the block where you two formed your first alliance. Get yourself someone who is your opposite in many ways, but your equal in so many others.

__________________________________________________________

Technoblade and Dream have always been the epitome of strength for the server. In that way, they're equals.

They've always been the tanks, the aces up the sleeves, the be-all-end-all. Equals.

They're similar in how they are quick to resort to violence as it's what they're best at. They're similar in how they very easily forget about the innocents they hurt to achieve their separate goals. They're similar in their basic characterization.

In other ways, they're completely different.

Take, for instance, their selfishness:

Both Dream and Techno have always been selfish. Dream's selfishness has been shown in his quest for power, for godhood. It's etched in the exile arc and brought to light in the final showdown where he finally meets his match; Punz's betrayal and the unexpected unification of the server against his, said, greed and selfishness.

Techno's selfishness on the other hand is shown when he sets a goal and sees it through because he is right and no one else can matter. It's seen in how he destroys L'Manburg two times; both times he sees himself to be in the right and pushes aside anyone else's opinion. Both times he takes action based on what he wants.

Dream's lust for power and control pushed everyone else he ever cared for away. He's always been self-serving with a flair for the dramatics (very different for dry-cut Technoblade who's never been impressed by anything thespian or dramatic). Unlike Technoblade, Dream is never happy where he is - he's always wanting something more. He's always been searching for the next big power, the next revival book, the next puppet to manipulate.

Techno's selfishness is different. He's never aspired to be anything more than what he is; Technoblade. All he's ever wanted is to exist without someone hurting him. He's correlated governments and anyone with 'power' to be something that can hurt him or those he cares about so he strikes out at them and destroys them without a second thought.

This basic character trait seems two-dimensional until you see how it's applied to the characters. Dream's selfishness isolated him from any support system and alienated him from his own friends, his own trusted mercenary. Techno's selfishness led him to do anything for those he cared for, even at the expense of others; it created a staunch loyalty that cemented his support system in Philza and now in the syndicate.

They're opposites to one another in how their selfishness formed them, but they're on parallel paths.

Furthermore, there's how these rivals interact with the plot:

Dream's always climbing up the next mountain. Yearning for the next battle. Every time we've seen Dream, except for the prison arc, he's always ready to fight. Always picking, poking, prodding, urging the plot to move along because he is never happy where he is. This is partially due to the fact that the audience never sees Dream except for when he is in a lore stream, whenever he's on the stream he's always turning the gears in the scene. He's either one of the main players or he's a constant threat watching from the sidelines.

Techno, on the other hand, was happy staying stagnant with the plot. The most motivated he saw him was while he was helping take back Manburg, and even then all he was trying to do was tear down the government and establish what he thought would be the next sense of normalcy; anarchy. After he tore down the government himself he took joy in staying stagnant. It almost felt like he was being unwillingly pulled along with the plot that he wanted nothing to do with (not the content creator, but the character) in how he was forced out of retirement by the people he hurt. He always seemed to like the norm. He was happy with Philza, with his house and his farm. He was happy with his crimes and his guilt. He never aspired or wanted anything else except to keep himself and his friends right where they were, without changing because changing could mean pain and Technoblade has made it clear that he does not like to feel pain, especially in the emotional sense.

The prison is a brilliant arc and I will stand by it because it did one crucial thing for these two villains; it brought them back into action. It brought them together.

It gave them both a reason to fight and it gave them sympathy from the audience. Now - before we get into the "abusers should not be given sympathy" argument we have to remember what we're watching here. It's a story. It's a special story in the sense that every character wants their voice to be heard. There's not one narrator behind it who can slight certain characters as the characters are all individually controlled by actual people. Of course, the plot lines are not going to be moral or necessarily 'good' in a moral sense - but they never had been. Dream has made it clear that he's a villain and the prison arc wasn't meant to make everyone go "ohhhhhh poor green bby :( " - it was meant to showcase Sam and Quackity. The prison arc was Quackity's time to develop and grow comfortable in the power vacuum that Dream left behind. It was Sam's time to fall from grace and lose himself. It was Dream's time, for the first time in his character's life, to stay still.

The prison arc poised the question: "What would happen if one of the biggest powerhouses was pulled from play?" What would happen to the plot if the big bad villain wasn't around?

The answer; a new villain/issue rises. Quackity, Wilbur - these people that the audience knows are not truly evil people were able to play around in the sandbox without Dream there to overshadow them.

But what about Technoblade? Well, funny enough the prison arc did for Techno the exact opposite thing it did for his rival. Technoblade gained more power, he made more friends, his syndicate - while not very active (which is fitting for the man who wants nothing more than for everything to stay the same) is still a support system. Dream became less of a threat but Techno remained the same threat he'd always been, just as distant as he always had been, with no reason to throw himself back into the fray.

Until, of course, they were both imprisoned. Now I could go on and on about how Techno's willingness to walk into a trap really spells out the interest he holds for his rival and the trust he holds for Philza. I could go on about how shoving those two rivals together was lovely for these antagonists to grow. But for now, let's focus on what the prison did for the characters in a fundamental sense.

Time in prison taught Dream fear. It taught his character what it felt like to be stagnant. What it felt like for nothing to happen. Now, it remains to be seen what the plot will do now that Dream is free. Will he continue to push it forward just as he had before or will he be more discreet, warier? Perhaps the time in prison will finally teach Dream to be more cautious - but who can say? All that's certain is he will not forget Quackity for what he did, just as Tommy won't forget Dream.

Time in prison for Techno, on the other hand, taught him nothing. All the prison did was reaffirm what Techno always thought; any large institution, anything with power will try to hurt Technoblade. The prison had the same effect on Techno as the Butcher Army did - it pulled him back into the plot kicking and screaming because the greatest warrior on the SMP cannot be allowed to sit idle. What the prison was meant to do was give Technoblade an excuse to come back into the plot, reluctant as ever because that's who he's always been.

So now the two are free, and they have the same goal. History does indeed repeat itself.

Their first alliance was formed in shadow, where Dream refused to outwardly say if whether he supported Pogtopia or not but his actions towards Techno made it clear that he would assist, albeit secretly. They didn't need to share words for both to get what the other wanted.

Their second alliance came after L'Manburg was won back from Schlatt, also forged in whispers. A whisper and an answer that resulted in chaos and destruction for which the two needed no rehearsal.

Their third came to finish off what they'd started, tearing a young country apart. They've never needed to plan, they're so similar that both Dream and Technoblade had prepared to annihilate L'Manburg on their own. All their alliance did was spell absolute decimation.

Now, it begins again. Only fitting their next alliance will go back to the hill where it began, with few words and an equation that spells destruction.

The prison may change Dream. It will not change Techno. Now, they're both out, closer than ever. Two loners, strong in their own right with a vendetta against the world.

It's almost guaranteed that they will be back for vengeance. Either together or on their own. Another similarity they share; they can be vindictive

[sxpphirehexrt]

"ash sucks bc he always loses at leagues" he scored high in six different leagues and won two "but orange islands and alola league aren't canon" yes they were different from the others, but they are canon to the anime. remember that anime =/= game so what's the problem. because the qualifications were different? it's still impressive for Ash to have won against Gladion AND Kukui + Tapu Koko). i'm not saying him winning a tournament league earlier than Alola wouldn't have been a better thing i wanted him to win the sinnoh one myself but claiming he's a terrible battler is just plain wrong. it's been noted by multiple characters that hes a good battler, and even if it weren't, actual bad trainers would've never been able to qualify for all these leagues, let alone scoring this high in most he's participated in.

"ash sucks bc he always releases his best pokemon/doesn't force pikachu or others to evolve against their will" so what'd you rather him to, force them to stay/evolve against their will? do you think that would make him a good trainer? no. training pokemon isn't just battling. it's also caring for them. "but the anime is too sweet and rainbow and sunshine" you won't solve that by making the mc an unlikable piece.

"ash sucks bc he doesn't catch a legendary/mythical" firstly you can't have him catch most of them because they have a role in balancing the world the journeys suicune incident doesn't exist ok- no but seriously you saw the backlash, do you think it would've been better if it were ash. they aren't meant to be caught! he can only catch minor ones which won't be any stronger or different than his other strongest pokemon like sceptile, infernape, greninja, lycanroc etc. for example let's say he caught a melmetal- wait. if you count ultra beasts he has naganadel too.

"ash sucks because he doesn't have a girlfriend" fuck off with that amatonormative bullshit! liking a ship is one thing you're free to do, but claiming a character is a failure bc they don't have a romantic relationship is absolute bullshit! i don't want to spend any more time refuting this dumbass argument but i'll do it anyway. what do you think it would accomplish? seeing ash cuddling his lil gf uwu every episode? this is a show abt POKEMON, we don't want to see that bullcrap. seeing him marry her and retire? i doubt they'll retire him after +20 years. if they do want to retire him, they do not need to force him into a ship. they can just make him achieve a big step of his goal, or leave to train/travel but we won't follow him anymore or whatever. something more in line with his character than reducing everything to uwuship and "yes finally he's ~normal~ he has a gf!"

yes the anime has been stagnant for 20 years at least until the debut of SM. yes the special with Jimmy was really good, as was the Mega Evolution Special with Alain. yes Brendan, Lucas, Hilbert, etc, could have been good characters to have animes based on in their respective regions. key word could, because they could've been handled atrociously for all we know

but would making Ash an unlikable jerk who forces Pokemon to evolve and stay with him, who breezes through all his battle easily by just saying "go Arceus use Judgement" and who's cuddling and kissing his girlfriend every episode make a better anime

hell no.

[nightklok]

Kloktober Day 1 Prompt

Prompt: Favorite Character and OTP Pairing: Picklegail (Pickles the Drummer/Abigail Remeltindtdrinc) Title: The war is over and we are beginning Characters: Pickles the Drummer, Abigail Remeltindtdrinc, Eclair (cat), band members and charles are only mentioned Trigger Warnings: Very slight angst, very slight mention/discussion of trauma/PTSD. Tags: Some dark humor, mentioned trauma, discussion of trauma, fall, post galagtikon 2, hopeful/happy ending Summary: It's the first fall Pickles has realized he's lived through in years.

Author's Note: Yes this is...6 days late-But i still wanted to publish this anyway so enjoy :')

Read this fic on AO3 or read below!

The first day of fall fell on a Saturday.

And Pickles would realize it was the first time he had actually been aware of fall in years.

He couldn’t remember the last time he saw the leaves change or pumpkin picking or any of the fall activities he sparingly went to as a kid. He simply had no time, family, or desire to do any of those things as he grew older. He had the sudden moment of sadness that he had missed another fall but told himself fall was gonna come back next year and he’d just look at the leaves harder next fall. But he never did.

But now, he had the time. A lot of it. And a fresh perspective on life and just how wonderful living a quiet life was.

Getting to sleep in on a Saturday morning with the person he loved the most and having nothing else to do for the day was one of them. Normally, Abigail was the one who woke up earlier but for the weekend, it got to be the opposite. He could get up in an hour, make some breakfast and they could see about doing something together. Whether it’s going outside or staying in and watching something. But at the moment, he was content enough just sleeping.

But it wouldn’t last long sadly. Despite nothing important needing to be done for the day, he was woken up by the sound of meowing and a cat smacking his face.

Éclair, their beautiful cat they found outside a K-Mart, happened to like going on walks in the morning. And she was very persistent about her walks being exactly at 7:13 AM. It was 7:13 AM.

“C’mon, it’s Saturday,” He murmured as he pulled the blanket closer to his face, hoping that he could sleep for just a few more minutes.

But Éclair had no concept of time and would continue pawing at the sheets and when she began whining, he knew that his time sleeping in was already over. He didn’t want to wake her up and figured she deserved the extra hour of sleeping.

“Okay, okay, I’ll take you on a walk,” Pickles finally answered as he used a hand to gently push her away just so he could sit up. He was careful to not disturb Abigail but he saw her move and murmur something he couldn’t quite hear. He had to assume by the tone that she meant she was gonna do it. She always tried to even when he told her to sleep in on weekends.

“Just go back to sleep, babe, I’ll take care of it.” He answered quickly as he got out of bed but she was already sitting up.

“I’ll come with you.” She answered, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes., “Just give me a few minutes.”

There was no convincing otherwise and he was too tired himself to argue. He quickly snuck in a kiss before he got out of bed, “Alright, take your time.”

By the time he had thrown on some clothes and made himself look presentable enough, Abigail was already by the front door, kneeling down to leash Éclair. Despite them taking the same time to get ready, she looked like she had spent much more time doing it. Then again, she always looked beautiful to him regardless of how much time she spent.

He really did save the world to get to see today huh.

She stood up once she leashed the cat and turned to look at him with that small smile he always loved, “Ready to go?”

“Yeah,” He answered as he made sure he put the house keys in his pocket before opening the door to let her out first before himself. Éclair already began wandering around the front lawn, as far as her leash would go.

They were hit by a cool breeze that gently swayed the trees surrounding them, causing some of the red and orange leaves to fall gracefully onto the ground. The trees weren’t entirely turning their leaves yet but the appearance was showing much more by the day. And each day only meant another normal day. The worst was behind them.

“You sure you don’t wanna get a jacket?” She asked.

“Nah, I’ll be fine. Got my own body heat.” He answered before he pulled her slightly closer enough to feel her skin heat up by the touch, “Besides I know how you can warm me up if I get cold.”

She wanted to mention about the neighbors or anybody seeing them but there was no one around at the moment. It was just them enjoying the early morning fall, the cool breeze and quiet excitement for a new season that just begun.

“Well, are you cold now?” She asked as she pulled him a bit closer.

He didn’t say anything else but reached up to kiss her, feeling her warm lips as they pressed against his. It felt as compassionate as the other thousands of kisses they must’ve shared in their lifetime. Honestly, he could probably find the same feelings he felt kissing her when he got a first kiss; the excitement, anticipation and pure love that he got to kiss someone he loved.

Their kiss was interrupted when she felt her leash getting tugged by Éclair who had grown impatient of them. She sat as far as the leash would let her, looking up at them expectantly. Amused, they walked past their front lawn to the sidewalk but felt the leash being pulled once again. They turned around to find her sitting still, meowing impatiently.

“C’mon, wanna walk a bit more? No? Okay.” Pickles answered with a laugh as Abigail went to pick her up. Almost immediately, she climbed up on her shoulders as she always preferred.

Her idea of walking outside was to walk a few steps and one of them had to pick her up for the rest of the walk. Walking around a block required too much energy. Did they expect her to actually walk alongside them every morning? Yes. Did she never fulfill that dream? No. But they also fed into her routine and nature, it wasn’t just their house anymore after all.

There was no use in arguing with a stubborn cat. She had made her territory in Abigail’s shoulder and they simply had to go along with it. She adjusted the leash so the other end of it would hook onto the inner jacket pocket that had a small sewn in hole meant for earphones. Once she made sure that the leash was secure inside, she reached over to hold his hand who quickly took it.

They took the usual route around the block. Shoes crunched against freshly fallen leaves, the wind picked up slightly again causing the leaves around them to move gently against the wind to a new area. If Pumpkin Spice Lattes and Apple Cider weren’t a symbol that fall was approaching, it was the leaves.

Pickles did try to remember when he last fall. Was it when he was a kid? A teen, maybe? He always fled before fall approached somehow. Always ended up in an area where he could not see the seasons change and everything remained a stagnant season the whole time.

But there was nothing to run from anymore. He could stay and watch the seasons change and turn forever if he wanted to now. Is this what freedom really feels like?

“Do you wanna go grab some coffee at the coffee shop?” She asked, interrupting his thoughts.

He quickly snapped his attention back to her and nodded, “Yeah, actually, the one two blocks from here, right?”

“Yep.”

He knew she knew that something was on his mind but she thankfully didn’t say anything. She already knew enough that he would speak when he was ready and he was always thankful for being able to fill in the gaps when he couldn’t speak. And she would always be thankful when he knew what she meant to say when she could barely get a word. It was a secret language between the two that no one but them knew and it was one they were both incredibly fluent in.

The coffee shop was a mom-and-pop one located on the end of the corner. LGBT friendly (Did he ever find those kind of coffee shops growing up?) and even had a small corner of the area for younger kids to play with. It was one of the places that they always loved frequently going to-if they weren’t well known to the world, they would’ve been known pretty well to the baristas.

“I can take Éclair, you can go order for us.” Pickles said. There were seats outside and given the weather, it wouldn’t be so bad to just sit outside and drink coffee while enjoying nature.

“Alright. The usual?”

“Surprise me.”

Pickles managed to take Éclair off her shoulder and set her down when he found a seat with decent shade. He tied the leash to the pole of the table but she seemed uninterested in exploring and instead jumped on his lap, presumably to take a quick nap.

He checked his phone while he waited, trying to catch up on whatever missed emails and posts from friends he had missed. Admittedly, going from seeing his friends everyday to now once a week at most was one of the toughest things to shift to. From knowing everything that went on in their lives, his knowledge of their whereabouts now came from whatever they posted in the group chat or social media.

Toki’s selfie with Magnus over the Eiffel Tower during their backpacking in Europe route. Nathan’s blurry image of a kid playing with a gator from the alligator rescue/children’s daycare he had started with Rachel. Skwisgaar’s video of one of the songs he was working with Nathan. A prototype rollercoaster blueprint from Murderface for the Dethklok amusement parks he and Knubbler were in charge of. And Charles not sending a photo but reminding him through text about a meeting regarding his solo album.

It was a crazy feeling to have looking at the boys he had lived with for more than a decade suddenly doing their own things. Did he feel left out? Maybe things were moving too fast? Miss the old times? He didn’t really know.

He found himself staring at his screen for far too long until Abigail came back taking a seat in front of him, “They’ll be coming over in a few minutes.”

He set the phone down, “Alright, what’d you get me?”

“You did mention you wanted me to surprise, didn’t you?” She answered with a playful smile that was clear she wouldn’t go easy on him.

“C’mon, I gotta know if I’m allergic to it or not. Could very well be allergic to milk today and might not even know it.”

“Guess it’s up to you to find out then; I’m sure there’s an EpiPen somewhere.”

Of course, she wanted to ask what was wrong but she didn’t want to press him. She knew he would budge eventually, he always did, but it was just a matter of patience and hoping to catch him at the right time.

Eventually, the barista came with the tray of coffees and food she had ordered, including a puppuccino for Éclair who woke up and hopped down to get her treat when Abigail set it down to get everyone’s orders.

She set the pumpkin spiced coffee, cinnamon rolls and a breakfast sandwich in front of him. She had ordered the same pumpkin spice coffee and breakfast sandwich; she always tried to avoid desserts for breakfast but he quickly shoved in a cinnamon roll in her plate anyway, “Here it can be your cheat day.”

“But you made me macrons yesterday.” She pointed out.

“It was sugar-free. And you can’t just pass off on a warm cinnamon roll. It’s bad for the environment I saved.”

She contemplated not even long enough before agreeing. They were pretty good cinnamon rolls…, “Guess I’ll need to pay for your contributions. Alright, I’ll take it.”

Pickles grinned as he took a sip of the coffee. It was still hot but he refused to even express he burnt his tongue for the sake of looking cool, “Great, glad my hard work paid off.”

For as much as he joked around, he didn’t mention anything about what was bothering him for the rest of their breakfast.

He would mention it on the walk back home when it was Pickles’ turn to let Éclair lay on his shoulder and Abigail holding a bag of free treats that the baristas insisted they take home. A few desserts as payment for saving the world. It was well worth it.

“I forgot what fall was like.” Pickles finally said as he looked at her. He didn’t downplay his feelings by joking

“You did?” She asked.

“Yeah. It had been too long since I last saw leaves and everything else and whatever. I guess it’s making me realize how long I missed out on some things, y’know?”

She had to wonder how he even forgot about fall. Or the fact that his hair color always reminded her of it. It was the color of vibrant red autumn leaves, not quite ready to fall yet but when the sun hit it, it showed the intricate details and would even shine as bright as it sometimes. And how could she ever put that into the right words? Maybe it just wasn’t the right moment, “Nostalgia?”

“I-I guess it’s that. Yeah. Nostalgic for the old things I guess. I was too used to that life. And I’m very happy with you, I really am! I’m doing more of the things now than I did before, but it’s hard to just completely let go of the past.”

Of course, he thought she would get offended which is why he didn’t look at her. Here he was clinging to his past again like some spoiled brat. If only he didn’t open his mouth. He probably seemed so ungrateful-

But he was met instead with warm hands taking his and he looked up to a very understanding Abigail, “I understand. There’s some things I miss and feel nostalgic for too. I don’t expect you to not miss those things. These things just end up happening, it’s part of natural life.”

“I guess…it’s just a lot harder to adjust than I thought. I’m sorry if I’m just dumping this on you, though. I know that this hasn’t been easy for you either.”

It wasn’t easy when Abigail could barely sleep without getting horrific nightmares that he had stayed up most nights worrying about. It wasn’t easy when Pickles ended up getting horrific nightmares too when he came back home, and he had yet to tell her all that he dreamt about. Their future kids, grandkids even, and even the current neighborhood kids would ask for stories of their heroism. Do they even dare talk about the price that was paid for it?

It couldn’t even be said that they had overcome it. The nightmares were less frequent, yes, but they were there. All it took was one bad night to ruin a week or month even. The horrors of their past would most likely be there for the rest of their lives, looming over and ready to strike when things seemed to be better.

But they made it so far together too. What’s another mile anyway?

“It hasn’t been easy but we’re both getting there.” She paused her walking to look at him, “We made it so far together, after all. I don’t expect you to be okay the same way you don’t expect me to be okay either, right? I’m not gonna ask you to do anymore than you already are doing and what you’re doing is enough.”

“And if it’s not enough? God, what if I’m just fucking up right now? There’s no way I can just…I don’t even know what. It’s just terrifying to be falling down that dark path again.”

She watched as Éclair looked up to the leaves around them, eyes completely dilated to look at the world around her. A leaf would just brush past her, failed to be caught and it fell to the ground.

Of course the leaves would eventually be raked. Whatever wasn’t thrown out or burned would eventually become mulch for the soil. Would help provide for the soil when spring rolls around. Then everything will grow again. Everything will be okay.

“If we fall again, we start over and flourish.”

—

“What was your last memory with fall if you don’t mind my asking?” Abigail asked that evening. They sat in the living room couch, sharing a blanket as they watched Knives Out. It would quickly become a tradition for them to watch whatever fall-related movies there were just to get in the spirit.

He paused for a moment, before finally coming up with an answer, “I met you, didn’t I? We were at that fall event Cornickelson used to host. It was probably a few years before you became Dethklok’s music producer? But anyway, we were paired at the same table and I was probably awkward as fuck right then and there but you still wanted to talk to me. We went to the garden and we just ended up talking about everything. God, I felt like a teenager with their first crush when I was with you. I never got to say that your hair color reminded me of the leaves.”

[onisamu]

couch surfing

toxic Hanamaki Takahiro x fem!reader

wc: 1.6k

18+, all characters university aged

warnings: dubcon, stealthing, toxic/manipulative behavior

It wasn’t uncommon for you to walk in your living room to find Makki, nearly always stinking of alcohol or weed, crashing on your couch. You’d complained countless times to your landlord about your broken window, but he always brushed you off since you were on the fourth floor. 

“Jesus fucking christ,” you shoved his arm from covering his face. “What are you doing?”

“Mm,” Makki blindly tried pushing your hand away. 

“Makki,” you snapped, ripping the pillow from under his head. 

The back of his skull hit the hard armrest of your couch with a thump. “Fuck, Y/n! What does it look like I’m doing.”

“It looks like you broke into my apartment for the third time this week, why?” You dropped the pillow on his face. 

“Mattsun has another girl over,” he yawned and positioned the pillow back under his head. 

“If you keep doing this I’m gonna start making you pay rent,” you scowled, moving to the kitchen to continue your morning routine. “And you better be fucking gone by the time I’m back from work.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he waved you off. 

“I’m serious, Makki.” 

“Sure you are,” he mumbled, rolling over. “Turn off the lights.”

You flipped two more on. 

“Hey, what kinda pizza do you like?” He asked. 

You poured two cups of coffee before answering. “Why?”

“Just answer the question.” He rolled his eyes. 

“Veggie, now sit up.”

“Aww, you remember how I like my coffee,” Makki crooned, grinning up at you. 

You stuck your tongue out at him, kicking his feet. “Move.”

“Fine, fine,” he sat up slowly, pink hair sticking every which way. 

Cute, you thought momentarily, before frowning and shaking your head. Scumbag. Makki was a useless, mooching scumbag who flitted in and out of your life, sleeping with you whenever he needed a place to stay. 

“I’m serious about being gone.” 

“You always are,” he smirked into his cup. “Can I at least shower before I leave?”

It was tempting to tell him no, just to have some control over the situation, but you were always weak when it came it him. He knew it, just like he knew your window would always be broken. 

“Yeah,” you sighed. 

__

Predictably, he was still sitting on your couch munching on a slice of pizza. 

“You’re back!” He sat up. “I got veggie.”

“And you were also supposed to be gone.”

“Aww, don’t be like that. Mattsun still has that loud ass chick over,” he held out a slice temptingly. 

“Maybe you should try setting boundaries with him. Since, you know, you both fuckin’ live there.” You dropped your bags and accepted the slice. 

“He’d do the same thing if I brought a girl home,” Makki shrugged, eyeing you shamelessly from where he lounged comfortably. “I like that little business woman look. You look good in a pencil skirt.”

You shot him a dirty look. “Don’t.”

“Whaaat?” He slid closer to you, now bumping shoulders. “C’mon, you always end up sayin’ yes. Isn’t it exhausting puttin’ this front every time?”

“I’m serious, Makki. Finish your food and leave.”

“Sure,” he smiled, sipping his beer. “How was work?”

You debated answering for a long moment. He knew exactly what he was doing. Buying you food, acting like he cared, all just to get in your pants. He was good at it, and sometimes you’d let yourself believe he actually cared in his own fucked up way. 

“Fine.”

“Your boss still being an asshole?” Makki opened another beer and offered it to you. 

You accepted it, taking a large sip. “Always.”

“Been sayin’ you just need to quit,” he frowned sympathetically. 

“And do what? Smoke weed, couch surf, and drink beer all day?” 

“Ohh, so mean,” he pouted. “At least my soul isn’t getting sucked out by a stagnant nine to five.”

Not bothering to respond, you finished off your beer and stood up. “Whatever. I’m going to shower.”

Makki watched you leave, his irritating little smile practically mocking you. 

He was poking around your room when you walked in, just a towel wrapped around your body. 

“If you’re looking for cash to steal, I don’t carry it anymore,” you said, picking out a large shirt and panties.

“Do you really think I’m still a shitty little teenager?” He frowned. 

“Yes,” your eyes dropped to his ‘Thrasher’ t-shirt. 

He rolled his eyes. “Borrowed it from Mattsun.” 

“Sure,” you started to leave. 

“Hey,” he caught you by your bicep. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“So?” You glared, shaking his arm off. 

“Can you stop being a bitch for five fucking seconds?” He asked. 

“I’m being a bitch?” You asked, then laughed. “I’m sorry, but if me setting boundaries with you is bitchy, you’ve clearly never had someone tell you no.”

“Jesus Christ,” he grabbed your arm again, this time hauling you over to the bed. “I think you just like pissing me off.”

“Hey- stop,” you stumbled into the edge of the bed. 

Makki’s lips met yours in a bruising kiss, his fingers yanking your towel down. “Stop being obstinate.”

Rough fingers caressed your ribs, any protests disappearing with your soft shivers. “Makki.”

“Shut up,” he crushed his lips to yours and pushed you back until you were flat on your back. 

“Wait,” you pushed on his shoulders. “Condom?”

He held up a foil packet, tossing it next to you. “Open it.”

While you fiddled with the wrapper, he quickly stripped naked. Impatient, he snatched it from you and ripped it open, putting it on in one fluid motion. You took the brief break to reluctantly admire him. His broad shoulders tapered into a narrow waist, and lean muscles flickered in movement under his pale skin. His cock was long and flushed, not as thick as some but enough to need foreplay. 

“You’re cuter when you’re quiet,” he grinned, two fingers pushing at your entrance. 

You squirmed at the slight burn as he pressed in. “You’re such an asshole.”

“You like it,” he curved his fingers, cooing when you moaned. “Yeahh you do.”

“I’ll kick you out,” you said, an obviously empty threat.

He ignored you in favor of pressing his thumb to your clit as he scissored his fingers. You grabbed at his shoulders, biting back moans. 

“Don’t do that,” he pulled your lip from your teeth. “Wanna hear you.”

He pushed deep, eyes on your face as he found you sweet spot with ease. Within minutes you were dripping down his knuckles, teetering on the edge of an orgasm that he purposefully kept just out of reach. 

“I hate you,” you moaned, tugging at his hair. “Fuck me already.”

“Aww, whats that? Are you sure you don’t want me to leave still?” He pulled back teasingly. 

You glared up at him, grabbing the back of his neck to stop him. 

“Say it,” he tilted his chin up. “Say ‘please fuck me, Hiro.’”

His thumb pushed expectantly at your lips. 

You swallowed down the last bit of your pride. “Please fuck me, Hiro.”

A sickeningly satisfied grin spread across his face. “Aww, so needy. I guess I will.”

“Hey, you’re the one who came here beg-“

Makki easily flipped you onto your stomach, slapping your thigh sharply. He nudged your legs apart with a knee before climbing up the bed and straddling your thighs. He dragged the tip of his cock through your slick, watching you closely. You were too desperate, wiggling your thighs needfully, to notice he slipped off the condom and tossed it under the bed. He was pretty sure you were on birth control anyways. He pressed in slowly, grunting as you eagerly clenched around him. 

Reaching up, he placed his hand on the back of your neck for leverage, enjoying the way your face looked smushed into the covers. He didn’t bother letting you adjust, fucking you so roughly your bed frame knocked into the wall. Without a doubt you’d be receiving another noise complaint.

“God, you’re so fucking annoying,” he hissed, leaning down to bite your shoulder. “Acting like you don’t want me.”

“H-hiro,” you moaned into the sheets, drool smeared messily around your lips. You arched your back into his thrusts, eyes rolling as his tip relentlessly met your cervix with sharp bursts of pain. 

He littered your shoulders and neck with dark hickeys, and yours hips with marks from his fingers. He wanted you to think of him every time you saw them. He liked stringing you along like this, indulged in the hopeful looks you’d send him when he was occasionally nice to you. It was cute, in some fucked up way he didn’t feel like lingering on.

He could tell you were close, your body wracked with twitches. Normally he wouldn’t care whether or not you came, but he’d recently become addicted to the way you would tighten up around him and how your walls would flutter periodically for a while after. He reached under you, two fingers rubbing your clit arrhythmically until you squealed and creamed on his cock. 

“That’s it, yes,” he grunted, watching your ass jiggle each time his hips met yours with slippery noises. 

He drooped himself over your back as he came, grinding against your ass until his cock was achy with overstimulation. He sighed belatedly, kissing your shoulder.

“I’m going to fucking kill you.”

He barely caught your elbow from smashing his nose. “Hey, hey! What the fuck?”

“You better have plan b money,” you kicked at him until he rolled off of you. “You fucking prick!”

 “Yeah, of course I do,” he tugged a blanket loose, pushing you down to wrap you up in it so you couldn’t hit him. “Fucking calm down.”

You glowered at him, relaxing warily against his chest. Despite being a raging douchebag, he did give good post sex cuddles. 

[life-rewritten]

Tharn and Type 7 Years: The duality of TharnType and LeoFiat

Okay, let's crack on to episode 4. This is going to be Looong! Strap in.  Another episode that yes I enjoyed. This show is like returning back to an old love, it feels nostalgic, it's the best thing in the day to end with, you're excited but also scared at the same time because you've become so attached that any issues that ruin this will break your heart into pieces. And I wasn't expecting it, but I became pretty attached real fast, I fell hard again. I am so grateful for this show for bringing back that excitement, and longing because waiting for the episodes is beginning to start to hurt. 

Addressing the Complaints 

In episode 4, fans have said that this episode was another filler episode full of nonsensical scenes and purely another LeoFiat storyline, fans were upset at the lack of screen time apparently for MewGulf (who play TT).  I say apparently because that's rubbish, they still have more screen time than others. Fans also thought the plot had started to be stagnant and nothing was happening. Hmm, I can see how fans may think of the last one, because I too even after watching episode 4, felt the story was on hold; however, I wasn't angry, I was intrigued. I know that the writer of this show leaves clues, information for where her plot is going right now; Tharn and Type are on a roller coaster, everything right now keeps building up, moving up waiting till it reaches that pause before we all fall and lose our minds. Because of the angst and drama. Because it will be painful. On Today's analysis, we're going to break down The dichotomy and duality of our two prominent couples this season in episode 4; LeoFiat (LF) and TharnType (TT)

Now, this is an example of the duality of LeoFiat and TharnType. We get two scenes at the beginning of episode 4, both associated with the making of or eating cake. It's funny when I analyse some shows as sometimes I hate looking deeper into scenes that may not even be planned or aren't actually that deep. But I got irritated because people stated that it was pointless having the cake scene; one because it was censored and we didn't get a kiss from TharnType, and that's what the scene was for to them, two because why the hell is Fiat eating a cake happily so important for TharnType? 

Well, I'm here to tell you that it is essential, every dialogue in these two scenes with cake is needed as much as the shopping scenes and the long focuses on characters doing mundane things. It's actually again telling you and building up the story in subtext. TharnType the show has always been a show that uses subtext to build up the tension and show what's going on secretly below the surface, in season 1 we saw this happen the opposite, we saw the angst and the fights and the pain on the surface, but we realised the depth, the meanings, the actual psychological links of our characters in subtext. In season 2 we have this reversed, we're getting the angst and the conflict being built up in the subtext. On the surface, we see ordinary moments that seem like they hold no meaning.

 Except they do: Take the cake scene, for example, we are again shown the mindset of our characters and behaviours towards the plot of the story: The marriage conflict with TT and the Fiat's interference with TT as the villain of the show. We're shown hints again to their personalities, mindsets and behaviours. 

Let me break it down even further: 

THE MESSY THING ABOUT CAKES

Cake Scene Number 1: Tharn has woken up to make a cake for Type because it's his day off in a while. Tharn isn't a great cook, so he's made a mess of the kitchen, in order to prevent more messes and Tharn getting hurt, Type distracts him with his body and intercourse. Type then proceeds to ask Tharn out for shopping, and a date and they tease each other. 

Cake scene Number 2: Fiat is happily eating cake, Leo shows up and berates him for his messiness, and Fiat pushes it off. Leo continues to complain whilst babying Fiat, Fiat and Leo then discuss Leo's family and how Fiat likes being seen as the favourite son in that family. Fiat then convinces Leo to take him out to go shopping for shoes he wants. Leo says he'd go alone, Fiat disagrees and manipulates him into letting him go by being more baby and cute. 

Tharn and Type: 

Messes and Destruction

So why is this cake scene so important? The dialogue and behaviour! Tharn is shown to be impulsive and rash. This is repeated throughout the whole episode. It's a warning, Tharn is spontaneous; ready to do new things, step out of comfort zones despite the mess and destruction it could cause to him and his safe space. With cooking he does it because he promised Type, it's to make sure Type is comfortable on his day off because he worries about him overworking (this is also repeated for the plot of this episode). However as much as he promised to cook always for Type, we've seen twice with his cooking, that Tharn is prone to making more of a mess than something useful. We even see a pan of the camera to the counter to show how much chaos he had caused. There's a reason for why it panned out. We've seen his battles with the eggs, the first time he hurt himself and Type was over-worried, and this time he messes up and destroys the kitchen to get one egg broken for the cake. It's cute but look at the dynamics:  

Type's Protective and Reactive Nature

Type is more reactive to Tharn's hurt, mess and destruction, and he's protective over what they have and is more on the watch for the damage rather than the gesture. Tharn wanted to be romantic, but he ended up ruining it by rushing, by being impulsive, by not slowing down; the gesture is for Type and to make Type happy, at ease and comfortable but it doesn't end up like that. This is foreshadowing; the cake making is the marriage plot. The reason why Tharn wants them to be married is so he can have a stable and secure relationship with Type, to make them happy and feel safe. Still, Type is more worried about the results of marriage, the 'mess' of their relationship if people get involved with their relationship or if the marriage doesn't work out because of society's laws.  This again shows how much both of them are doing things for each other but not actually not seeing each other and understanding each other. The more Tharn pushes the more Type will be worried and overreact. This was foreshadowing.

Leo and Fiat:

Messes and Obstructions

This is the one everyone said was a waste of plot except it wasn't. Look at the first details, we see Fiat happily and messily eating a cake, he's so happy, peaceful and joyful. This is the first scene we've seen him this way so far we've seen him anxious, mean, grumpy, loud, obnoxious and just overall unstable. The reason? Because Leo wasn't there. His friends mentioned it, he himself said it to Leo in episode 3 that he was losing his mind without him there, but he didn't want to bother him since Italy was so important to him. That one minute of him eating cake and smiling peacefully is there for a reason; its to show him blissful and different, the effect of Leo on Fiat. 

He's not meant to be a devil or evil he's just a kid who is spoilt and bratty.  Fiat knows how he is with Leo, and he appreciates it, he enjoys all that Leo has done for him, and it makes him love Leo. Yes, Love, Leo. He knows about his feelings, but he pushes them down because Leo keeps pushing them aside and seeing them as nothing. I wrote a post previously (here), detailing how both Fiat and Leo have feelings for each other, Fiat has been forced to let go of those feelings because Leo keeps rejecting and sweeping past his feelings because Leo sees his love as fickle or part of his spoilt personality; for example with this scene when he replies to Fiat's confession, 'You always say you love someone to whoever pampers you all the time'. 

Leo doesn't take Fiat's feelings seriously because he thinks Fiat plays too much with people, and he doesn't want to be that to Fiat (just a game to distract him so he won't get bored). Fiat just wants to be with Leo and to be by his side at all times. For Fiat, if being friends is the only way to do so, then it is better to stay friends. That's what this scene is showing you with their dynamic and with their dialogue.

Fiat's spoilt persona

Which brings us to Fiat's childish personality. I said in my previous post, Fiat felt neglected by the people around him; his parents, his friends who see him as an annoying brat and Leo, who didn't take his feelings seriously. We find out this episode that Fiat is close to Leo's family, he's like their son they take care of, but because they live far, he still feels neglected and alone. His actual family definitely don't show him care and emotional support, but they do spoil him with materialistic stuff probably. Hence why Fiat has embraced this spoilt child persona because it gives him what he wants; his parents attention, Leo's family's attention as the favourite 'son' (basically he's babied by them and spoilt by them) and Leo's care and affection.  

In fact, this is the reason why he proceeds to eat messily like a child, he knows Leo will clean it for him, and this is why he proceeds to whine and cry and complain because it gets Leo to baby him. Fiat embraces this childish, immature, spoilt personality because it makes it easy for him to be taken care of by Leo. See the cake scene for example; his mouth got wiped by Leo, Leo brought him water and then proceeded to accept Fiat's wishes to go with him to the mall because of him acting like a baby. 

On the other hand, Fiat just wants to spend as much time as possible with Leo; it's why he was so determined to join him at the mall despite coming up with other reasons. Fiat knows he loves Leo, probably knows what it means, but Leo's constant rejection and blindness make him think it's unrequited and failed.  But one thing most important to this plot, Fiat gets what he wants by being a baby. He doesn't like when he's being neglected, so he becomes manipulative, stubborn and immature whenever he wants something. This is why he becomes our villain. Leo can calm him down, but Leo is also the person who's making Fiat more of our villain because he refuses to accept Fiat's feelings; if he had taken him seriously, we wouldn't get this conflict. Fiat needs Type to distract him from his frustrations with Leo.

Plot: Fiat and Leo have known each other for a long time, are close to each other's families, and Fiat is used to being spoilt and babied. 

IT’S A DATE!

Shopping scene Number 1: It's a date, Tharn and Type eat and Tharn tries to get the marriage conversation in again, and Type becomes a bit possessive when he notices Tharn on his phone, changes the subject and we get Tharn's work philosophy, Type tries to warn Tharn to slow down, but it ends with Tharn proceeding to hint to marriage again, Type smiles whilst rejecting it softly. 

Shopping scene Number 2: Leo is possessive and jealous about Type, he wants to ensure that Type is just a fling to Fiat, Fiat doesn't get why Leo is acting this way and proceeds to say its because he gets what he wants, its a conquest basically, Fiat distracts Leo by complaining about his legs and then Leo continues to put shoes on Fiat as Fiat stares at him lovingly.

Tharn and Type.

Tharn; The hasty and rash

Again we get a repeat of this motif. Tharn wants to rush out some plans for his work, but Type is worried about him not slowing down and waiting to see the results. Again we see this misunderstanding of each other's perspective. Tharn wants to rush work stuff because he wants to make things stable and secure for him and Type fast, so their future is safe. Type doesn't understand why Tharn doesn't focus on the now, and take things slow and be protective of his work more carefully. Tharn's business is a metaphor like the cake for their relationship. Again the reason why he's being impulsive is for Type, and again Type doesn't see the reason for it. 

This is repeated again with the shopping scene, Tharn is rash and likes to spend money without thinking, because he's used to being wealthy and spoilt, (like Fiat). Again Type is protective of finances, he's their financial planner, he thinks of the big picture. He protects their relationship from any potential signs of harm, stress or issue. We actually see him do so this episode once he discovers Nana sneaking around in Tharn's life. It's him being protective and preventive. This date scene dialogue also foreshadows what will finally get Tharn and Type to the end of the conflict; possessiveness, communication and understanding.  These are three things that get Type willing to accept the proposal;

Possessiveness

Because Type finally realises that many people are still trying to ruin him and Tharn and marriage will help him get security and stability. Because the reason why people keep doing this is that they think he and Tharn are single. He realises he needs them to be exposed to the world to avoid these minor issues. 

Communication

It's only after Tharn explains why he rushes his work style for their relationship that Type finally gets his point of view, it makes him understand more why Tharn is more eager and trying to push things, it's for their security and stability, its for Type, so he also starts to feel grateful and happy at the thought of the ring on his finger. Hence the smile. 

Understanding

It's not yet happened but its losing Tharn that would make Type understand why marriage was needed. It's through them finally reaching a breaking point that will eventually push him to accept it despite his fears.

Leo and Fiat:

Leo: The oblivious and the envious 

Fiat basically says again the reason why he acts spoilt is, so that Leo pampers him; he doesn't like the idea of Leo not doing so. Obviously, the shopping scene is vital to the plot, it introduces Leo to Type, and at first, you seem him react uncomfortably because he's guessed it's one of Fiat's 'fake' relationships, people who he flirts with and sleeps with and gets bored of quickly; a quest. He still doesn't notice Fiat asking for his feelings; Fiat asks him if he thinks he's handsome Leo walks away (again pushing his feelings to the side/overlooking them). Fiat also explains why he likes Type; because he's hard to get, and a quest, it excites him, and it makes him determined to win his heart. 

We get even more clues to this when Fiat tells Leo he's always gotten what he wanted, but he had one thing he could never get. If the audience pays attention, you'd see him pause on Leo. Leo's feelings are what he couldn't get and what he had to give up on, but he diverts it to a lie, which he says that it's wanting Leo to stop nagging him. Thing is this shows Fiat's mindset again. Leo's requited feelings are something he's tried to get, but he didn't have a chance according to his perspective. Again Fiat knows he loves Leo, you see it again when he looks at him lovingly as Leo puts the shoe on him. These two aren't seeing each other eye to eye. But yes, shopping for shoes is important to the plot.

Plot: Fiat sees Type and proceeds to be eager and ensure he can keep texting him. Fiat admits he wants to be with Type to Leo. Leo isn't happy. Tharn notices Fiat and worries but gets distracted by Type so forgets about him. 

PHONES, SOCIALS AND PICTURES 

Scene 1; The social media scene: Type and Tharn discuss Tharn's worries for Type's work and how much energy he puts into it. Tharn wants Type to be more comfortable and at ease, and sends a picture on Instagram showcasing his ownership for Tharn. Type feels happy when seeing people's reactions to Tharn until he sees that Nana has liked all of Tharn’s picture, he's worried there's a homewrecker upcoming, and asks Techno for what he knows. Techno reveals he saw Nana and Tharn together. Type becomes possessive, looks through Tharn's phone and proceeds to go confront Nana.

Scene 2: The gym scene: Fiat is happily on the phone texting Type, he sends a picture (just like Tharn) to Type and discusses his behaviours and attitudes since he started getting physical therapy. Leo gets jealous and tries to get Fiat's attention, finally asking Fiat if he sees Type as something serious, Fiat says Yes. Leo loses his cool and becomes upset. Fiat doesn't notice as he's distracted happily texting with Type. 

Tharn and Type:

Possessiveness and Preventiveness:

We see Type again lean towards marriage when he notices how happy he is when Tharn declares his ownership. But also they communicate, and Tharn tells Type he's worried about him overworking, he wants to be the one taking care of Type. Type is happy and grateful, he understands he's Tharn's number one priority. And he likes seeing people react to Tharn as a good boyfriend. But we see his fears come back, because the reason why he hates being exposed to the public, why he keeps refusing to involve people in their relationship is because of people like Nana.

Now I just want to speak about Type and Tharn's possessiveness and irrational jealousy. Obviously, people would say this is the reason for toxicity of TT except if you know the show and understand them it isn't. The way they started their relationship is enough to show you why they are so jealous of people, it wasn't to do with them not trusting each other, or being toxic and controlling. It's not to do with any of that. 

It's to do with Long. Remember him? In Season 1 Type had to go through a lot because of people's interference; San kissing Tharn, (making him finally call Tharn his boyfriend) and Tar returning and chasing after Tharn ( making him also protective and find out Long's interference causing them to break up). Finally Long had been manipulating Tharn for a very long time psychologically, emotionally and physically. Type knows Tharn is easily manipulated and easily attractive to problematic people.

 Nana is one of them, she's a flashback to all these people who tried to ruin what they had, and both TT has shown repeatedly this season are extremely overprotective of their relationship. It's not a surprise Type looks into Tharns phone and answers Nana and goes to her, he's being protective and preventive not toxic. He knows Tharn won't cheat; it's not about him; it's about as I keep repeating preventing measures that could cause harm to their relationship. Same reason why Tharn wants to get married and declare ownership, its to protect and secure their relationship. They have the same goal, just different methods. 

Leo and Fiat: 

Possessiveness and Proclamations

If you guys didn't notice Leo was mirroring Tharn is season 1 episode 2 I think. Type showed attraction to Tharn shirtless and drinking water, and the jealousy seeing him text someone else. We’ve those scenes before because we’ve seen Tharn do all that is S1. First thing to notice is; Leo is confident, he can distract Fiat. This shows you he's been doing it before, he's used to getting Fiat's attention on his body,  and he's used to getting Fiat distracted from other people, this is why he hasn't bothered with others. Because Fiat gets bored and returns back to obsessing and flirting with him. 

The problem here is Leo is too late when it comes to Type; it's his lack of presence in episode 1, 2 and 3 that led Fiat to seek comfort and trust in Type. Fiat finally found someone else to be excited about, someone else to feel inspired by and someone who makes him not bored when Leo isn't around. Fiat likes that about Type, he wants that; he's being distracted from his own feelings for Leo, he doesn't see or understand why Leo is acting out. He's too focused on his quest. And I get it, he finally has a chance to move on from Leo and still keep their friendship intact. Type is the way to do that. 

 The Problem With the Unofficial Label

This is the danger of unofficial relationships. Leo thought his comfort zone was being in this unofficial thing with Fiat. He had feelings, but he also thought Fiat wasn't going anywhere or getting distracted because he always returned back to Leo probably whining and throwing tantrums, he probably also again threw his shot and flirted heavily with Leo.

 Leo was okay keeping what they had this way (like Type was okay with keeping him and Tharn hidden), but it's only when he realises that their relationship isn't stable or secure for him to declare ownership that he reacts, he's learning just a bit too late. Fiat's entire focus has shifted to Type, and it isn't going to change any time soon. Leo has pushed Fiat away too much that now he's going to be regretting it and being hurt because of this. 

To all the people who feel bad for Leo, Fiat isn't manipulative or using Leo, he has no clue about his feelings for him, he gets hints sometimes, but it's always pushed away once Leo rejects his flirtations. If you noticed this episode before Type showed up Fiat was saying how he felt to Leo repeatedly; 

'I love you the most in the world."

"I'm handsome don't you think"'

"If I stop, won't you pamper me anymore?" 

 Each time he got rebuffed by Leo, Leo assumed Fiat was saying I love you to anyone easily as long as he was spoilt by them, he believed it was fickle and interchangeable. He walked away when he was asked if he thought he was handsome because of jealousy, and he failed to see Fiat's fear when he said the last quote. Leo doesn't see Fiat's feelings and Fiat has stopped trying to see his. Hence fixation on Type. Again this is for the plot, Fiat is a villain. After all, he's started to want to win Type's heart because he likes how he feels with him, and he's never lost a quest before. 

Plot: Type is getting closer to the idea of marriage, Nana has come into the picture. Type is determined to prevent her from doing something and goes to confront her. Fiat is also starting to fall harder for Type and has decided to pursue him. Leo, on the other hand, is also getting jealous and losing his control of his feelings and Fiat's attention. 

‘A MUNDANE PLOT AND STAGNANT STORY TELLING’ 

Three scenes with immense depth to character building mirrors from season 1 and more plot building. The plot hasn't stayed still, Tharn is more determined and closer to getting Type to accept his proposal, but he's impulsive, rash and rushes things without giving Type room to think. His brother warned him about this in the episode and its foreshadowing he needs to stop and slow things down. Give Type time! Type is possessive of what he has with Tharn and is also closer to leaning towards marriage, but if rushed, he'll panic and lose his cool. 

Fiat and Leo's plot is building, both have feelings for each other, but because Leo refuses to tell Fiat straight up or take his feelings seriously both think it's unrequited; in response, Fiat finds distraction and excitement with Type and so proceeds to focus on that conquest, he's determined to win Type's heart, but he also likes being with Type because Type seems to understand him and is just like him remember.

 Leo, on the other hand, this episode realises someone has actually taken his place in Fiat's mind and is now panicking and no longer willing to keep their relationship unofficial.

 See? Is that not a plot? We get both information and a build-up to Fiat becoming the villain, whilst again making us feel sorry for him. We get the marriage plot still ongoing, there's more manipulation to get Type to say yes, and he's close to it, but if rushed, he'll stop. There's still miscommunication and misunderstanding of each other's perspective when it comes to both our characters. The plot has not paused; it's always moving, everything was needed this episode. So all those people who keep complaining, please for the love of god calm down. 

More Tharn Type Analysis: Masterpost Check under Tharn and Type Here

[babygirl06301]

When Did Dean Fall In Love With Cas?

tl;dr: S11

I’ve wanted to talk about this since the show ended and the Spanish dub that broke Tumblr came out. So, when did Dean Winchester fall in love with Castiel?

This is entirely my opinion of course, and I know there are some people that will say it was right away or that it never happened at all, but I wanted to put my thoughts out there so other people could tell me their thoughts, too. I’ll probably get off on some tangents here and there, so feel free to send me any Destiel thoughts you’ve got.

Also, it’s worth noting that, to me, there’s a difference between falling in love and actually being in love. I mean, if you’ve fallen in love with someone, every point in your relationship has been a stepping stone to that point, so I guess it’s all abstract, but still. Hence, S11 being my answer to this question.

Keep in mind I’m doing this without the benefit of a recent rewatch, so I may miss some behaviors from Dean that would change a few things.

Warning: sappy stuff ahead; read at your own risk (also crappy images).

S4-5

I don’t think it’s that big of a secret that Dean attached himself to Cas, like, right away. I mean, the dude never talks about his emotions, and yet, it took eight episodes of Cas being around for Dean to break down in front of him and talk about his fears. It’s almost like you could say that’s because they were always meant to fall for each other.

However, I don’t really the think the process of falling in love with Cas had started yet. I do think that Dean cared about Cas, but I don’t think it was anything extremely special. Reason being: it was the literal end times and Dean didn’t have that type of time. That, and I think there’s something to be said for being raised a certain way and believing certain things about yourself that affects how long it takes for you to notice that something has changed. So, yeah. I don’t think Cas had been around long enough at this point for Dean to start feeling anything more than kinship with him.

That’s not to say, though, that Dean didn’t subconsciously find Cas hot or get the warm fuzzies sometimes because:

I mean, come on.

S6-7

So, this era is weird because I do think something had begun to change in how Dean saw Cas, but I don’t think he got to fully begin the process of falling in love with him because: a.) Cas betrayed them and b.) Sam’s head was broken.

I’m gonna say something rude now: I think a lot of the Destiel moments in the beginning of S6 were born of Dean needing Castiel’s abilities as an angel and not of needing Cas. For example, Dean calling on Cas to help with the Staff of Moses or with Soulless!Sam. He was usually pretty demanding and sometimes curt with Cas and got irritable when Cas couldn’t help.

However, I think that Cas always being there despite his battle in Heaven began to shift Dean’s feelings toward him. I do think this change was almost imperceptible, but you can see Dean showing more and more concern for Cas as S6 progresses. Like this:

This is the primary reason I think Dean got so defensive of Cas when Bobby and Sam started suggesting that Cas was working with Crowley. It’s also why he got so hurt when he found out that Bobby and Sam were right.

Here’s my super abstract and vague take on it: he’d started feeling romantic emotions for Cas, but as soon as Cas’s betrayal was revealed, it got replaced with pain. Basically, Dean almost started to fall for Cas in S6, and then the Purgatory storyline interrupted it.

And then Cas died. Which didn’t help.

Here we enter S7, which has fuck all for Destiel content beyond the first two episodes—until Cas comes back. I know some people are going to say not to gloss over the trench coat thing, and fair enough. I think the keeping of the trench coat was akin to Dean trying to hold onto what he did feel for Cas, obviously not consciously. Almost as though Dean could tell he’d lost something special when Cas died, and not just in losing Cas, but in losing part of himself, a part that he didn’t know existed yet. I don’t consider the trench coat to be a sign that Dean was falling in love with Cas but a sign that he was about to or that he could’ve. Is that weak? Whatever.

Now, I do think that some shit got shaken loose when Dean saw Cas again because, for all intents and purposes, he should’ve been pissed. But instead he was... whatever this is:

I still, more or less, think that he was too preoccupied with Sam to really begin falling in love with Cas. I think that’s clear to see in how he treated Cas after he came back into the story for the final battle with the Leviathan. He did give the whole “I’d rather have you” speech, but all the stuff before that was more along the lines of “Nobody cares that you’re broken, Cas! Clean up your mess!” So, yeah.

S8

Okay, so this is where the Purgatory stuff comes in. In the words of the great John Mulaney, “we don’t have time to unpack all of that,” but this is where I believe Dean started falling in love with Cas.

Dean told Sam that Purgatory felt pure because he could only focus on the fight at all times... but he still had the emotional availability to worry about and search for Cas, so...

If I had to pick an exact moment, I’d say somewhere around here:

And thus, rather than just keeping a trench coat when he lost Cas, Dean literally rewired his own memories because he would rather think that he left Cas behind than think that Castiel chose to leave him.

From here, we can start seeing Dean paying attention to Cas more, noticing when he’s not being himself, and more than that, worrying about him in a more personal way. For instance, when Dean insists that Cas talk to him about what’s bothering him in “Hunteri Heroici.” Not to mention, Dean becomes a lot more emotionally vulnerable regarding his feelings for Cas. One example would be when he insists that he didn’t abandon Cas in Purgatory. Another would be, of course:

I would also mark this season as the season Dean’s prayers to Cas become more emotional and, at times, cathartic, as though he’s confiding in Cas. In “Remember the Titans,” for example, Dean prays to Cas to ask him to look out for Sam; the scene reads like Dean is asking for help but is, in equal measure, asking for Cas. This is also the first season an adversary pokes at Dean and Cas’s relationship in a way that specifically targets Dean and his feelings about Cas rather than Cas’s feelings about Dean as it had been before; this would be when Naomi says “You’re hoping Castiel will return to you.”

S9-S10

Well, these seasons are complicated to say the least because of Gadreel and the Mark of Cain. I don’t think, at this point, Dean ever stops feeling what he’s feeling for Cas. However, I do think that a lot of the hiccups throughout S9 and S10 made Dean step away from those feelings.

Of course, Dean is still stressing about Cas 24/7 in the beginning of S9 what with Cas being human, Cas being hunted, Cas dying, Cas working at a Gas-n-Sip—you know, drama. I think when Gadreel said that Cas needed to stay away if Dean wanted Sam to be healed, Dean had to let what he was feeling for Cas go—not that that means he stopped feeling it, mind you. No, I don’t think Dean consciously went, “Well, guess I’m done falling for this dude,” but I think he knew somewhere in his heart that it wasn’t the time.

Now, the Mark of Cain. The storyline that put the characters down on the page once and left them stagnant and unchanging until it was resolved. Now, as you might imagine, slowly turning into a demon that wants nothing but death would put a damper on any relationship. Finding Destiel in the B season for S9 and throughout S10 is hard. Especially on Dean’s end. 

There are moments when you can tell that Dean’s feelings for Cas are still there, and I would say, developing slowly, like the cheeseburger date. Probably the biggest Destiel moment in the entire Mark of Cain stretch is when Dean nearly kills Cas but resists, despite the Mark’s hold on him.

That’s really it, though. No backwards movement, but barely anything trending the opposite way, either.

S11

This is the Big Season™, the one I believe Dean fell in love with Cas in. Now, obviously, it isn’t like Dean lost the Mark, and boom, fell in love with Cas. Plus, there’s the whole pull-to-Amara thing. However, I don’t think falling in love necessarily has to be a big moment; I think it can just happen, and I think that’s what happened with Dean. At some point between the start of this season and Cas being released from Lucifer’s possession, Dean fell in love with Cas.

That being said—if I was really reaching for a moment—I wouldn’t say it happened during a happy scene. I’d say Dean fell in love with Cas when he lost him.

I know that sounds weird, that Dean didn’t fall in love with Cas completely until he realized Cas had been possessed by Lucifer, but in my head, it fits. I think it’s because Dean is so emotionally closed off and tries not to let his emotions show if he can help it that it took knowing that Cas was gone for that last switch to flip in his heart.

So, now Dean is in love with Cas, but Cas is Lucifer. I’d say this has something to do with the fact that, even though Dean is supposed to be attached to Amara, he still calls out for Cas even though Amara is right in front of him.

Considering the fact that Cas comes back in the literal last episode—at least, that’s when Dean realizes he’s back—there isn’t a whole hell of a lot of time to see how being in love with Cas has changed Dean. We do get the “you’re our brother, Cas” scene, but seeing as how that’s pretty inconsistent with everything that comes afterward, let’s just chalk that one up to bad writing and/or Dean being dense.

S12

Alright, so my post should be done, yeah? I’ve answered the question I’ve set out to answer. However, there’s still more to talk about here. When did Dean first sense that what he felt for Cas was different? When did he have an inclination that it was romantic? When did he know for sure?

That’s why we’re here in S12. Now, S12 is the most Destiel-heavy season in the entire series. In my opinion, while it does have many of the best Destiel scenes, it doesn’t have the best Destiel scene. However, as far as number of moments, S12 takes it.

This is where we really get to see how being in love with Cas has changed Dean. Realistically, I think this has a lot to do with S12 being the beginning of the Dabb era because this era marked a change in tone for both Castiel’s character and his relationship with Dean. Dean began to worry about Cas a lot more frequently and, as a result, got mad at him a lot more, too. I see S12 as the season that Dean moved away from simply being worried about losing Cas to being terrified of losing Cas. And that translated into anger any time Castiel put himself in danger. For example, killing Billie. Any other time, the threat of losing Cas translated itself into fear, like when Cas nearly died from being stabbed with the Lance of Michael.

Of course, the mixtape is also in this season, which is another example of how being in love with Cas has affected Dean. I could probably make an entirely seperate and very long post regarding Destiel in S12, but the general idea is that Dean’s newly found love for Cas made a big difference in how he treated Cas.

S13

Alright, S13 stands outs to me because I believe this is when Dean first realized that Cas meant something more to him than a friend and that he felt differently about him than he did about his family. Again, I don’t think that Dean actually thought those exact words, but I think his heart knew them to be true even if he mind didn’t. Reason being: Cas had just died. Which is the first time Castiel has died since Dean fell in love with him. Dean knew he needed Cas, in a way he hadn’t really realized it before. Which is why he demands that Chuck bring him back.

Then Cas comes back, and it’s like Dean forgets what hopelessness and misery are because Cas is his “big win.” After this, honestly, there isn’t much else by way of emotional development for Dean regarding Cas, but I see that as a good thing. It’s a sign that, though Dean hasn’t realized it yet, being in love with Cas is comfortable for him. There are still expressions of concern for Cas’s wellbeing throughout the season, but mostly, we just get to see Dean be content with Cas.

S14

Alright, S14 a.) mostly saw Dean’s feelings much in the same place as they were in S13 and b.) just kidding because Dean tells Cas that he’s dead to him in this season.

To be fair, if we’re talking Destiel, there’s more of it on Castiel’s end this season than there is on Dean’s because Dean is dealing with Michael. There are a couple moments that stand out to me as moments where Dean’s love for Cas comes through: when Cas asks Dean if his plan to trap himself in the Ma’lak Box means that they’re supposed to say goodbye and when Dean confides in Cas about how he’s handling keeping Michael trapped. In the former scene especially, I think it’s clear to see how much the idea of saying goodbye to Cas affects Dean.

And then we get to “Absence,” which is the episode where Dean tells Cas that he’ll be dead to him if Jack killed Mary. Now, going off on a tangent here to explain how this ties into Dean being in love with Cas, let’s talk about when Dean gets mad at Cas.

When Dean gets mad at Castiel, it’s always out of pain. I think that’s a very unique effect that Cas has on Dean that no one else does, and I believe it’s because Dean gets so overwhelmed with the emotion of betrayal that all he can do is push Cas away. Why a feeling of betrayal? Well, in this case, it’s because Cas knew something was wrong with Jack and didn’t say anything. I think that, as Dean fell more and more in love with Cas, his expectations and feelings for him grew, and because of that, when he feels like he’s been let down by Cas, it turns into rage. 

When Dean walks away from Sam, it’s usually because he’s either worried or angry. With Jack, he walked away because of anger, maybe even disgust. But with Cas, it’s always pain; it’s always because Dean feels like he’s been personally betrayed in a way that has nothing to do with worrying about Cas and everything to do with wanting to hurt Cas back. It’s almost a selfish sort of anger, which is actually a positive for Dean’s character since he rarely puts himself first.

To me, the way Dean gets mad at Cas—especially in S14—is so personal and unique that it serves as proof as to why Dean is in love with Cas. So, even though the “then you’re dead to me” line is so damaging, it’s still a result of Dean loving Cas.

S15

Last season. The hardest season by far, for a lot of reasons. I’m not going to get into the lack of closure the ending of this show gave us in terms of Dean and Castiel, and I’m not going to talk about this final season in conjunction with the Spanish dub—just what I, as an English speaker experienced in canon since that’s what was intended in the final cut—but I will talk about everything else. There’s three episodes/points I’m going to hit with this season, and I’m sure we all know them: “The Rupture,” “The Trap,” and “Despair.”

I’ve already discussed why Dean’s anger points to his being in love with Cas, but I think the important thing to note with “The Rupture” is that Dean still didn’t want to lose Cas, even in the moments when he was hurting Cas and pushing him away.

There’s still a couple questions I’ve asked that I haven’t answered yet, and one of them will be answered with “The Trap.” I think this episode—and really, the moment Cas told him he heard his prayer—marks the first time that Dean considered that his feelings might be romantic. I don’t know how clear those thoughts were or if Dean told himself he was wrong afterward, but I do think that that scene was the beginning of possibility for Dean and Cas. Had they had enough time, they would’ve decided to be together, and that scene is where they both really felt it for the first time—even if they didn’t believe the other felt the same way.

I’ll be honest: I really don’t want to talk about “Despair” because it’ll just make me sad. Alas, there is one question that still needs to be answered: When did Dean know that he was in love with Cas?

When it was already too late. Much like in S11, I think it took Dean losing Cas to realize how he felt about him. The difference here is: I think Dean would’ve realized it regardless; hearing how Cas felt about him and then losing Cas just forced it. Had Cas not died, I don’t believe it would’ve been too long before Dean realized it naturally, and that’s the most frustrating thing about this scene is that Dean didn’t have to learn how he felt through the trauma of losing Cas.

I’m not trying to diminish this scene because, had there been closure—and proper editing—I’d say this scene was the perfect avenue for Castiel’s character to go down because it would mean that, when he came back, he could be with Dean.

Again, I’m not getting into the semantics of the final couple episodes or how they handled Destiel because it’ll just make me mad, but I think Dean realizing he was in love with Cas was just as big of a factor in him seeing himself differently as Cas’s speech was. I think Dean wanted to honor Cas by being the person Castiel saw him as; I think Dean wanted to live as a man worthy of being loved by the man he fell in love with.

Anyway, that’s my take on when Dean Winchester fell in love with Castiel based on what canon gave us. As someone who had been very realistic about the possibility of Destiel over the years and had never truly hoped for it in canon because I knew better, I have never been more convinced that Dean is in love with Castiel as I am now, after the show has ended.

I don’t think I can say I believe he was in love with him all along, but I believe that his story, their story, of falling in love is real and true, however long it may have taken. I’ll never say goodbye to these two, but I’m happy that I can at least walk away from this show knowing that they found each other in the end, even if their ending didn’t do justice to their legacy.

Let me know when you think Dean fell in love Cas or vise versa. I’m curious to know what you see in their relationship. I don’t think I’ll be making a post like this for Castiel because, in my opinion, Cas fell in love with Dean rather quickly—his journey was just realizing what that meant. Anyway, thank you for reading this, and thank you for being a part of this twelve year long love story that is Destiel.