#whatever this was basically a warmup anyway

[itsdefinitely]

the way you draw ted makes me want to make out with him sloppy style

i doubt he'd be opposed

[snowblossomreads]

👀👀👀

Uhmm so I may have written some headcanons/bullet points whatever you want to call them about dark!Snape. Is a warmup for me to get the brain ready to finish writing my fic but also dark Snape has had a choke hold on me for a while. -coughs- anyways here are some dark thots underneath the read more if you're interested...

MDNI + Warnings/Tags: Slightly dark Severus, fem reader, slight hint at past dub-con, pet names, spanking, nondescriptive smut [oral (m receiving), multiple orgasms, rough sex, dismissive of discomfort], basically reader is his toy :)

Okay so like just imagine being Severus’ to use any way he wants, whenever and wherever. Like sure you protest at first but you change your tune oh so fast after a few sessions that have you cock drunk for him :) 

So for example did a dunderhead piss him off again by blowing up another cauldron, 30 points from their house but also after classes are done for the day you’re also about to get bent over his desk and spanked until you're dripping down your legs and crying. Bc hey even if you had nothing to do with it, he still needs something to take the edge off :)

Oh and don’t forget how much he enjoys sinking his fingers into you every now and then as he is ‘punishing’ you. There’s never a pattern to it; it could be after every other spank, or it could be after every five ^_^. It just brings him some amusement to see how wet you’ve gotten as he strokes your velvet heat enjoying the sticky sounds of his fingers exploring you.

“Absolutely dripping love, and here I thought you hated this.” 

He’s so cocky, but the way he purrs it in your ears has you whining as he pulls his fingers out of you with a wet sound before you’re yelping again as he lands another harsh stinging swat to your soaked opening.

And then him fucking your already sore pussy roughly, ignoring the way you beg him to slow down but that just spurs him on until your eyes are rolling back in your head and those begs of him to slow down are garbled chokes and sobs as you start pushing back on him because he is hitting that spot that makes ur belly burn and spasm.

You barely have time to react before you feel his fingers find their way on your clit and you’re just spiraling down into an endless hole of ecstasy as your legs shake beneath you, and all you can do is say is his name in broken whines as he groans into your ear as he keeps the harsh pace up.

You don’t even realize you’re sinking further against the desk, legs widening inviting him to make an even bigger mess of your cunt because  you’re barely being lucid enough to hear him call you everything from his ‘good girl’ to ‘filthy slut who can’t live without being fucked at least once a day’

As embarrassing as it is, it’s true. You can’t help the way you’re ready to offer yourself up to be debased by him. Used by him. You crave him the moment you wake up and go to bed, and especially now when he has you spread for him, dripping down your legs with the juices of your first orgasm as he gets ready to rip another one from you. 

Granted you’ll give him all of your orgasms if he tells you to. Whatever he wants you’ll give it to him because no one can unhinge you like this

And then when you do come again with a sob of his name as he paints your insides with his seed you briefly wish it could stay inside you all sicky, wet, warm. Maybe you’ll ask him to plug you next time so you don’t ever have to be without him because the whine you make as he pulls out has him chuckling considering how pitiful it sounds. You already miss him in you, but you still have something you have to do for him.

So like clockwork, you’re already turning and dropping to your knees in front of him looking up with tear stained eyes waiting for him to acknowledge you like the good pet you are for him. And when he does you’re leaning forward lapping his cock clean from the mess you’ve made on him and before long he’s already hard again and well why waste it.

It’s not long before he’s fucking your throat, your jaw slack and open wide as you let him choke you with how thick he is. There are no noises of complaints, no protests from your lips, only the sound of him using you again, claiming another part of you for his.

“On your knees with those pretty lips wrapped around my cock, it suits you.” 

Those are his only words to you but they make you moan and it makes his body finally shutter as he comes with a loud groan pumping his seed into your mouth right before pulling away causing some of the warm liquid to splatter against her cheeks, lips, and chin. 

“Now what does my good girl say?” 

The way he towers over you as those words drip from his lips in that dark, possessive voice, and the way he stares at you with glinting eyes only makes you shiver. You're not frightened, though oh no not anymore not like how you used to be.

“Thank you.” 

A little smirk plays at his lips as he kneels down to press a harsh, possessive kiss against your damp lips. And if there is one thing you know as you sink into him ready to do what he wants you to do, it’s that

You love being his good girl.

:D :D :D :D :D

[villainessprefect]

~Tell It to My Heart~

title: Colors of an Apple

Prompt #8: Dancing together while one person falls, the other lands on top of them and the fallen one laughs. The other confesses.

Epel x gn!reader

Read on AO3

Pomefiore's ballroom is a grand yet private stage. It can hold many students although its magnificence shines when smaller groups are present. There's more room and more freedom for those to practice when a crowd isn't present. And it feels more personal when it's just two.

Like you and Epel, for example.

While you are no stranger to the dorm or this room, it feels different without the SDC group. Even if the competition has long passed, you have hardly stepped foot in here since then. With your role as the manager over, so was your time in this part of the dorm. You nearly forgot how imposing it felt just to stand in here.

"Sorry for draggin' ya out here," Epel lets out a huff.

"It's okay. We were supposed to hang out today anyway," you reassure him. You tilt your head to watch as he fiddles with the speakers.

"I know, but we coulda been doing somethin' better."

For a moment, he considers just leaving and escaping this damned dorm on a blastcycle. As simple as that may sound, it's not. With Rook keeping an all-knowing eye on him, breaking free would be impossible. So, he has no choice but to bend to Vil's whims and do as he commands.

This week, the housewarden seemed intense on getting Epel back into dancing. Something about posture and keeping up appearances and knowing the basics so he doesn't make a fool of himself or whatever. All the first year knows is that he has to learn the waltz and show his skills off to Vil before being granted some freedom. Or move onto the next course of beautiful torture that Epel can't wrap his head around.

Surprisingly, Vil grants him a choice of partner. He does have duties to attend to, so he allows Epel to choose someone to practice with while he's out. Of course, he expects the best from both him and his chosen partner, but that's something he leaves out, more so because he knows that you would give it your all regardless of Vil's watchful eyes or not.

You were his first and only choice for a partner. He couldn't tell if it was due to the burning feeling in his chest or the fact that you were one of the only decent people in this school. Sure, you're a little odd, but he knows that he can trust you. You wouldn't make fun of him for being forced to learn a cliche dance nor run to his housewarden if he tried to run off. If he slipped into his real self, you wouldn't laugh at him either. You're definitely strange but in a welcoming way.

Crystal blue eyes glance your way. His gaze lingers on you as you begin to stretch. While you may not have been on stage for the SDC, the warmups were drilled into your head just like the rest.

Maybe dancing wouldn't be so bad after all. He does get to be with you, dance with you. He does have to kinda teach you too, but today is just the basics. It's easy enough and he won't bark at you as Vil does to him.

"Alright. The song is going to be on loop so we can just keep on going. Pick up wherever we leave off and all that."

He doesn't sound enthusiastic and his lack of excitement doesn't fit with the music that begins to fill the room. Yet, it still pushes him towards you. Epel takes your right hand with his left. His right hand is placed against your back and you put your left hand on his shoulder. Space is kept in between you both and he can't tell if that's a good or bad thing.

"I'm ready whenever you are," you chirp, unlike him you're filled with zest. Perhaps it's a little infectious. He can feel his heart begin to drum against his chest. He can't back out now and look like a shy, dainty little thing. Even if this is some prissy and proper dance, he'll commit to it.

Epel takes in a breath and recalls what Vil has taught him. He repeats it to you, although in a less wordy way. He instructs you on the steps and how it's one foot first and then the other until you get the hang of it. You have to move in a 'box' for this dance.

Starting off is relatively easy. One step. Pause. Another step. Pause. Repeat. You pick up on it fairly quickly and he's glad. This lesson won't be taking all afternoon at this rate!

There's just one thing that irks him a little. And that's your height. It doesn't normally bother him and you're not that much taller, but when it comes to this, he feels inadequate. If he's supposed to be the lead and does cool things with you, how can he when he's shorter than you? If he swings you around or does some fancy dip, can he even hold you? Would you even trust a small, weak thing like him?

He hates that feeling bubbling in his chest. He wants to be cool for you. And he wants to ignore the voice of his housewarden scolding him in his mind for getting wrapped up in roles again. He just wants to be manly, damn it.

Those seething feelings begin to pile up more and more. The repetitive movements aren't helping with his growing temper. If only this was more exciting, more fun.

Epel is about to ask if you're enjoying this or if you're bored like him, but he doesn't need to when he catches your eyes. They sparkle with such determination that it's hard to believe that these lessons were for him and not you. You're lost in the dance, muttering out the timing to help as you continue to move. While you have a lovely gaze, Epel wants to see it break into something better.

"Wana go a bit faster?"

"Huh?"

Epel sneers, his true colors showing as he frees himself from his quiet persona. His grip on you tightens, he closes the gap between you both and quickens the pace. The tempo is lost, but he doesn't care. Now you're both dancing outside of the box and going at a racing pace. He likes that you can keep up with him and the fact that you're smiling and trying to hold back a laugh.

Now comes the cool part.

The videos make it look so easy and he's certain that he can pull it off. If he can, then he can rub it in Vil's face after impressing you. All he has to do is dip you, hold you steady, and let you bask in his glory.

Unfortunately, that does not happen. Lost in his hype, he takes a misstep. His feet collide and he does dip you, just a little too much and unintentionally. A squeak escapes from you and your hold tightens. Epel does his best to save you before you fall, but instead, you bring him down with you.

Colliding with the ground isn't pleasant nor is the extra weight pressing down on you. You wince and groan in pain. You're pretty sure nothing too serious was injured, maybe a little bruise, but nothing major. As you try to shake off the pain, you look to Epel. He's hovering over you, hands resting beside your shoulders almost as if he were pinning you down.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

You blink and stare up at him. Somehow, in the depths of your mind, you find this scene quite funny. The entirety that led up to it too. It just felt so...natural. Just like Epel to do this. Even more so with the weird mix of worry and sparkle that shone in his eyes. He finally had fun even if it all ended up like this.

So, you laugh.

And as you laugh, Epel is caught off guard. The sound of your voice echoing throughout the room wasn't something he expected to hear today. It's charming and makes his heart beat even faster. He's always loved the sound of it and knowing he was the cause makes him proud.

While he's not one to dwell in the spirit of his dorm, at this moment he'd say that you're the most beautiful thing in this world. Your smile, your laughter, your everything.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Sorry about that." Your laughter dies down but giggles still linger. It disappears once your eyes meet with his. And as you try to catch your breath, you find it to be stolen away. Lips press onto yours with the taste of apples. He doesn't keep your breath for long though.

"You're really beautiful," he mumbles, cheeks burning. He does his best to keep a confident stare on you but even you can tell that he's nervous.

"Th-Thank you," you gulp, unsure of what to do now. Your heart is racing a mile a minute, your mind is unable to process what's going on. So much has happened and it's hard to believe this isn't a dream. "Do you...want to keep dancing? Or..."

"I'd rather just see ya smile again." And perhaps steal another kiss too. At this rate, he might just do it again.

[truedairship]

Tell me more about your horse, please?

Ooohh boy never ask someone about their horse or they won’t shut up. Okay. I have no idea how much you know about horses, so I’ll try to keep the horse terms to a minimum.

Getting her is a bit of a funny story really. And kind of relevant. But background info: Us mere mortals can’t afford horses competing at the higher levels. Your only chance is basically to buy a promising youngster, train them yourself and hope that the stars align and that in a few years you can compete at the level you wanted. But most of those horses are quite expensive as well. Everybody wants those with good blood for a reason (blood = lineage, breed, how reactive yada yada).

I wasn’t even gonna buy a horse back then because I knew I would be moving abroad a year later, and I already had my pony. (Whom I had considered selling to afford a horse but whatever). Anyways, I helped my trainer break in her youngsters, they got an extended summer break after, and come winter she called me and asked if I wanted C. Because they didn’t get along. She had been a… special cookie… to break in, but an incredibly fun one. So yeah. I got a good horse real cheap because she’s crazy.

She’s… well, she’s a brat. A stubborn, explosive bitch that’s too damn smart for her own good and the biggest goddamn drama queen the world has ever seen. She’s also one of the most hardworking, powerful and talented horses I’ve ever ridden. Her teenage years were eventful to say the least, and it has been a lot of work to teach her some proper manners. I could probably fill a book with all the stupid stunts she’s pulled over the years. But at the same time, that’s kind of the charm. You never have a boring day with her.

Despite her attitude and the drama, she’s genuinely very kind. She just doesn’t show it if she doesn’t have to😅 But she never wants to drop her rider, I’ve only fallen off because we stumbled over an xc-jump and she almost did a somersault. And while she usually is too impatient to stand still, whenever there’s small kids around she won’t move a leg, but you can see her literally twitching because that is tiny human. Must not move. Tiny human fragile, stepping on will injure. She was also the one who accompanied youngsters on their first forest hacks at my old job, because, while hacking out usually is a rollercoaster ride of jumping away from invisible monsters hiding behind stones (thoroughbreds in my heart<3), when the kiddos came with, she was super cool and they could even run into her and she didn’t even bat an eye. Because they are her adopted siblings now and Ohana means family.

So yeah. She has quite the personality but this is already getting long. And when it comes to riding, well, attempting to avoid using technical terms, you can teach just about any horse to move fancy, but riding a horse that does it naturally is just something else. She does everything with such ease and such power. And she loves to learn new stuff, which to me is the most important part. I’d rather ride an eager horse with zero talent than an unmotivated one. Because having to force them to work… nope.

Generally with horses, if you have a bad day, it’s 50/50 whether you’ll have one of the nicest rides of your life because the horse notices that you’re not at your best, or you’ll have what feels like the worst one ever because nothing works and the horse decides that if you’re not gonna try your best, they won’t either. 9/10 times, she’s the first type (and considering that we sometimes can spend the entire warmup discussing whether the chair in the corner will eat us or not, that’s saying something)

That’s also kind of why I’m selling her. I don’t have the time to ride her everyday. So when I do, she’s super duper happy and energetic and it makes me feel all guilty that I can’t ride her more. And it breaks my heart every time she comes running towards me in the field all eager, only for me to give her a pat and a carrot then leave (makes me feel like a parent that doesn’t have time for their kid so they spoil them with toys instead😅). I usually give her a kiss on the nose as a goodbye, but lately she refuses to let me do it unless I have ridden her first. And no, that’s not an exaggeration.

Tl;dr: She’s a bitch, she’s amazing, she drives me crazy and she’s my best friend. Being allowed to ride her is an honour. (and unfortunately she’s aware of that😆)

[workingforitallthetime]

hello, i would like to talk at you for a bit about girl!rutger and adam and the boys and girls can't be friends verse.

what if adam and rutger were still longtime best friends, but it was girl!rutger? never lived in the same place, but kept seeing each other at tournaments and CAA events and always hit it off, reflecting the same brand of goofy energy plus hard-nosed competitiveness right back at each other.

like, imagine every photo of rutger on adam's canonical instagram except rutger's a girl. rutger in a bikini floating in adam's pool. girl!rutger and adam arm in arm on the beach at CAA camp, towels draped over their shoulders. girl!rutger at the baggage claim, just a stupid little picture adam posted when he picked her up at the airport one time, but somehow years later it's still in his saved stories.

adam's friends are like "are you hitting that or what?" and adam's horrified. "she's my best friend!" adam protests. ok, his buddy says, then give me the inside track, you can be my wingman. and adam's like no, absolutely not, don't talk about rutger like that.

meanwhile rutger rolls her eyes whenever her friends ask if anything's going on with her and adam. "boys and girls can be friends," rutger huffs, swishing her ponytail over her shoulder. rutger considers herself pretty enlightened on that front. she can have a best friend who's a boy. she's cool like that. maybe other girls can't be friends with boys without falling for them, but rutger can.

and rutger already has a boyfriend, anyway. cutter's great! they're together all the time. and yeah, he's always hovering and draping his arm around her when the ntdp plays the steel and she and adam get a few minutes to catch up on the concourse afterwards, but it's not like cutter has anything to worry about. adam's just a friend.

once they're off at at college, long distance is hard though! like, rutger and adam have basically never lived in the same place but every time they see each other at a camp or a tournament or a hughes party it's like they pick up right where they left off. but cutter's not like that. now that he's in boston and rutger's in michigan, talking on the phone is so awkward. rutger keeps accidentally missing cutter's calls and forgetting to call back, and then he's mad the next time they talk, and that makes rutger less likely to call him, and it's just a whole big thing.

college is, like, so much fun though. it's great to finally be on a team with adam, and their teammates are awesome, and living in the dorms is fun, and there's just always so much fun stuff going on! cutter's just kind of... a distraction from everything else in her life that seems so much more immediate.

they'll probably straighten everything out at world juniors. they just need some time together, right? and that's exactly how it works out! it takes a couple of days but pretty soon she and cutter are right back to normal. everything's easier when they can just, like, make out in the back of the charter bus instead of talking.

wjc is such an intense little bubble. even with seamus rooming with her and gavin and duker down the hall, michigan seems so far away. after a few days rutger's not even texting her other umich teammates. adam's not texting her either. but whatever, it's different for him going to team canada than it is for rutger to just go down the road to usa hockey. she gets it.

she does look over at the other side of the ice during warmups before their game against canada. she's not, like, going to distract adam if he's focusing or whatever. but if he wants to say hi, she wouldn't want to miss it, is all.

"looking for someone?" cutter plows to a stop in front of the bench, blocking her view.

rutger plays it off like she’s not startled. she picks up the closest water bottle and squirts it at cutter’s jersey. "checking out bedard, obvs."

“yeah, sure.” he skates away and rutger hops over the boards, snags a puck, and wires it over trey’s helmet, so it bangs into the glass after missing the net entirely.

---

a couple of weeks after world juniors, cutter texts her. he’s been doing some thinking. long distance isn’t working for him. maybe they should take a break.

rutger immediately facetimes him, indignant. “you’re breaking up with my over text????”

“oh so now you pick up the phone,” cutter says.

“i…” rutger stammers. “fuck off.”

“have fun with adam.” cutter hangs up before rutger can protest that adam’s her friend.

rutger looks furiously around her dorm room. where’s seamus when she needs her? she storms down the hallway to gavin and johnny’s room and dramatically bursts through the door. “cutter and i broke up.”

“aw, babe.” seamus immediately gets up from gavin’s bed to give her a hug. “i’m sorry.”

“shocker,” gavin says.

“be nice.” seamus swats him. “we’re mourning.”

“what?” rutger demands.

gavin shrugs. “just didn’t seem like you liked him that much.”

“of course i liked him! it was almost our two year anniversary!” rutger’s lip starts to tremble. it feels like she failed.

“what’s up?” rutger hears adam’s voice as he walks into the room.

“rut and cut broke up,” gavin says, indifferently.

a tear trickles down the side of rutger’s nose. their nicknames always sounded so good together.

adam makes a sympathetic noise and offers her an arm. rutger gratefully wraps her arms around him and sniffles against his t-shirt.

behind her, gavin snickers.

“stop laughing at me,” rutger says miserably into adam's chest.

adam pats her back reassuringly. maybe she'll live. maybe this isn't so bad. maybe it will be nice not to worry about cutter anymore. and there’s so much else going on! the second half of the season is so much fun, and she and adam are finally playing on a line together and they’re killing it, just like they always knew they could. now she can focus on hockey. now she can go out and really dance with guys, not just her teammates. now she can...

rutger picks up her head. "hey, now i can hook up."

adam stops patting her back.

rutger flounces over to the bed and snuggles up next to seamus. "who should i hook up with?"

seamus pets her hair. "maybe wait a little bit?"

"or not." rutger pokes gavin. "who's moyle's lacrosse friend?"

gavin snorts. rutger makes him and johnny talk through the merits of the entire men's lacrosse team. she doesn't notice when adam leaves.

---

lacrosse players are... well, they're okay. they're fine. rutger hooks up with a couple of them, at a couple of different parties. the second one is ryan, or maybe justin. he gropes her tits like he doesn't remember they're attached to the rest of her. rutger shrugs her neck away from his mouth and straightens her bra out and tells him she's going to find her friends. maybe she should try football players.

she snaps the elastic out of her ponytail and redoes it as she walks down the stairs of the senior house. adam's watching her from the beer pong room. his eyebrows pull together when he sees her expression. "everything okay?"

rutger points at the solo cup in his hand. "can i have a sip?"

"take it." adam hands the cup over. he drapes an arm around her. rutger steps out of her heels so she's a little shorter, and leans against his side.

---

everything falls into place as winter turns into spring. holtzy gets healthy, frankie gets healthy, and they go on a tear through the playoffs. rutger makes out with a few more people at a few more parties, but mostly it's good to be with the team.

after the big 10 tournament, rutger gets pleasantly buzzed on watermelon truly. she trips going down the porch steps at the senior house and grabs adam's elbow. "fucking heels." she straightens up, shifting her feet in her shoes so her toes aren't so pinched. "ugh, i'm going to have blisters." the heels are so cute, though, and they make her legs look about a million miles long under her little skirt. worth it.

adam crouches down a little. "want a ride?"

"oh, for real?" rutger swings a leg over his back. "awesome!"

adam straightens up and she wriggles into a decent piggyback position. he tucks his hands under her knees and starts to walk them back toward south quad. the night smells like springtime trees, everything blooming. rutger rests her cheek on adam's shoulder.

adam carries her all the way into the lobby and leans forward so she can reach the elevator button. as the slow dorm elevator makes its way up to their floor, rutger tries to slide off his back. "i think i can make it from here."

as soon as she says it, she stumbles over her heels on the dismount. adam catches her around the waist, and impulsively kisses her.

rutger's not expecting it and the kiss only sort of lands on her mouth. it's bad.

adam lets her go. he's looking at her, aghast. "sorry, i..."

rutger's aghast too. she and adam are winners. they can't have a bad kiss. that's just not who they are. "we can do better," rutger says, firmly, and kisses him for real.

the elevator doors open. they close again. adam backs her against the elevator wall as the slow descent to the lobby begins. this is great! why hasn't she thought about kissing adam before? he's actually a really good kisser! rutger smacks blindly at the elevator buttons, trying to get back to their floor while adam's tongue is still in her mouth.

by the time rutger's lying on her back with her tiny little skirt flipped up and adam's tongue tracing a path up the inside of her thigh, it occurs to her that maybe cutter was right about some stuff after all. well, whatever. cutter broke up with her. she can hook up with adam. it's not like adam's in love with her.

---

rutger thinks that adam and his tongue make for an ideal friends with benefits situation. because she and adam are friends, so this must be friends with benefits. boys and girls can be friends! rutger is determined to prove it! friends can hook up! even if it's like every weekend, and at the frozen four, and rutger isn't hooking up with anybody else! even (especially) if they haven't really talked about it! every time rutger thinks maybe she should clarify that this is absolutely definitely friends with benefits, she gets distracted by adam's tongue and she decides that there's no reason to disrupt a perfectly delightful status quo where her best friend also loves going down on her.

i want all of this to come to a head when gavin and seamus hook up and it immediately blows up in everyone's faces. luca and johnny are team "how could you do this to seamus" and gavin expects adam and rutger to have his back, which rutger absolutely does.

"like, how were you supposed to know she thought it was a whole thing?" rutger hangs her head over the edge of gavin's bed and kicks her feet up against the wall. "like, you can hook up and still be friends," rutger pronounces authoritatively. "it doesn't have to change anything." she looks upside down at adam, sitting in johnny's desk chair on the other side of the room. "right, adam?"

"...yeah." adam says slowly. "i guess so." the legs of the chair scrape against the floor as he stands up abruptly. "i'm gonna... go... find luca, i guess."

anyway i don't want to get into act 3 where everybody's sad. eventually girl!rutger realizes that clinging to the principle of boys and girls can be friends is much less satisfying than admitting that a best friend who you also have amazing sex with is actually just a boyfriend. idk how it all goes down but there's definitely a scene where a chastened rutger shows up on adam's doorstep, full of tears and dramatics.

[nicholsroy]

November updates & December goals

Blog | Monthly updates

It's nearly December (which, side note, is wild - does it feel to anyone else like this year, in particular, just flew by?), a time where things tend to slow to a near-halt in terms of productivity as we prepare for various winter holidays. In terms of the personal writing schedule I maintain in my head, however, it feels a bit like things are busier than ever. Without further ado, updates and follow-up on November's goals are as follows:

November updates

NaNoWriMo: Absolutely blew this out of the water like a boss.

Nah, I'm totally kidding. I'd be lying if I said I was upset about this, though, because I "failed" for the best possible reason - I regained my full motivation for putting together LIFE IN BLACK AND WHITE's final manuscript, and have been fully focused on that for about the last 10-15 days. That being said, I did count all new words from scene editing toward the NaNoWriMo goal. Here's my (approximate) breakdown:

Warmups/drabbles: ~1,098

THE DOTTED LINE reoutline: 2,036

SUPERNOVA zero draft: 6,700

LIFE IN BLACK AND WHITE scene editing: ~3,000

I extend my encouragement and congrats to everyone else who took part, regardless of whether or not you "won". As an old curmudgeon who's participated in the challenge most years since 2008 (won five times, excluding one Camp NaNoWriMo win), my philosophy about this and similar challenges is basically: even if you don't "win," you've probably written more words this month than you would have otherwise. I know I did.

Query preparations:

I still can't believe I'm seeing this low of a chapter/WC discrepancy for this novel.

Goals for the final version of the manuscript, other than line editing/playing around with prose, fixing plot holes/inconsistencies, addressing beta comments, and fact-checking, include making the novel more marketable/more of a "typical" thriller in any way I can that doesn't affect the overall story. This has included things like restructuring the novel to make it "truly" dual timeline (ie. chapters now alternate consistently between THEN and NOW segments across both Acts), choosing strategic areas to end chapters and to split the Acts and main story arcs, and limiting individual chapters to 5,000 words maximum. This has resulted in more and shorter chapters, but it's also, weirdly enough, allowed me to more easily incorporate content about core story messages and themes, address some kind of unfinished/potentially unsatisfying plot threads, and develop parts of Gabriel's story that were previously lacking without completely obliterating the word count. I am very excited about this, especially because some of the aforementioned plot elements have been major headaches for years!

With the new structure, I've set myself a WC goal of 50,000 words per Act (bringing the total to 100,000 words). My actual goal is 110,000 words for the novel, but I want to try to leave myself as much wiggle room as possible for whatever new scenes/partial scenes/bridging scenes I need to add to close gaps with the dual timeline structure.

After this process is finished, I'll need to do a final readthrough for consistency, and then it's capital-D Done (until an agent asks me to edit it again, anyway)!

In terms of preparations for the actual querying process, I added one agent to my query list this month (and am considering adding a second).

Reading: I'm now 10 books (83%) into my reading goal for 2023!

Read this month:

The Keeper by Jessica Moor

December goals

Currently, my only writing priorities for December are:

To finish the line edit and re-assembly of LIFE IN BLACK AND WHITE, Act I;

Get at least a good chunk into the line edit and re-assembly of Act II;

Finish my query letter (finally).

I may also participate in another NYC Midnight challenge this month (a 250-word flash story this time), but this will depend on a few different factors.

I will also read at least two books in order to finish my 2023 reading challenge. These will most likely be A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara and Angels Before Man by Rafael Nicolás, unless something else comes up prior to the end of the month.

[the-laridian]

9, 20 & 27 for the Fallout asks 💙

9- What was your favourite quest? Genuinely drew a blank on this one at first XD Fallout 76 - I enjoyed the daily Biv quests (mostly for collection / getting the recipe for Rad Ant Lager) because Biv the Lovable Drunk is such a throwback stock character and he's always happy to have visitors. Rad ant lager was a lot more critical before the carry weight boosters arrived. Willow still has a couple dozen in storage. The formic acid adds a real bite to it. I liked the Order of Mysteries quests, but the ending was a real letdown. There was a period of a few months where I farmed Monster Mash because it had 1-5 legendary enemies, lots of sellable loot, loads of xp.

Fallout New Vegas - the White Gloves arc is the closest thing to an actual mystery as opposed to "kill everything that moves" Poking around Vault 22 (the plant vault) is cool too.

20- Which is your favourite faction? Why? In 76, it's the Enclave, because I want to know more about what these knuckleknobs were up to, and they do have a very cool uniform. I wish 76 would do more with them (and maybe they will, with Orlando and the Whitespring). In FNV, it's the Legion. (Mandatory disclaimer: yes, they are awful, horrible factions that, if they were real, I would stay far the hell away from them and avoid them. But they are fictional, I do not subscribe to their fictional beliefs, etc) The Legion is because I look at the attempt (in-universe) to recreate a really warped version of the Roman Empire and say : how the heck does that actually work? They had to get buy-in on this from a whole lot of people. There is an entire culture that has to back the war machine (I wrote a whole essay about logistics for the Legion for Fannish50, ask if you want the link), and somehow that entire culture at least partly follows through on this. How? Not to mention that there have to be local influences, it can't be monolithic, so you likely have all kinds of local, non-Roman stuff going on, because Edward Sallow isn't going to bother trying to recreate everything. He's cherry-picking the parts of Roman history he likes and forcing it on everyone. OTOH he's had, what, thirty years to institute this, so, a whole generation of time in which it has become the way of life. Anyway, yeah, they're interesting to take apart and see "how does this work, really?" I also think the Followers of the Apocalypse have an interesting history and some good goals, with the added problems of "relying on donations and patronage from whoever's in charge to get the work done", because good intentions don't pay the bills and fill your stomach.

27- Weapon of choice? 76!Rowan would use the crossbow at all times if the game didn't basically outlevel it. It's kind of a shame that by game terms, you need to constantly escalate the weapons because the enemies are escalating, when a more realistic take is that you don't have "takes more bullets to kill" enemies as you get more experienced. Anyway, that's what he would use. Raider Max, in story, uses a shotgun. Willow in story specialized in, and uses, rifles. But for game purposes, all of them use whatever big gun is handy, and each of them has a set they rotate through: gatling laser, gatling plasma, minigun. Which one is used depends entirely on how much of each ammo I have. Since I save up the ammo in storage, sooner or later I end up with enough 5mm to make using the minigun viable, then by the time that's out, I've accumulated some plasma cores, etc. I've tried using the gauss shotgun and idk, everyone swears by it but I can't figure out what's so great about it. Oh! And they all have the Cold Shoulder because the cryo effect and it's fast (no warmup/spinup like the big guns) and can do 8 shots at a time. That's honestly a fave for me.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary211

4/13-14/2024

saturday - sunday

worked hard today, unexpectedly.

i didn't expect, when i listened to the album, to have a batch of relatively easy to correct mixing issues, but still, mixing issues that make me look at songs and change more than just that, i think they all sound better now, because the bass is way more present and they're a lot more level + punchy and stuff i think. one song i am basically wanting to remake, though, sorta, or go back into the guitar sounds i have and just slot new ones in from other songs. the one i tried today just doesn't work how i'd like i guess.

i also did some other funny stuff, with the mixing, like shelf off high end on some tracks just so i can unity gain everything up to the same point relatively speaking, which sometimes sounds really good actually. and then it lets you slowly reintroduce the necessary amount of high end over the normal level to get the tone right. maybe i need to do that on some of these other songs, we'll see i suppose. i am just happy that there is more of a bass presence now on these faster songs. just realizing there still was space for that, very nice i think.

anyway since i worked so much and stuff, and stayed up so late, and since i woke up feeling crazy already today, i am just kind of coo coo right now . so i should not listen to the album again until tomorrow, and stuff. uhm yeah.

i also put a bunch of my clothes into this little plastic dresser my gf got me, which makes the bedroom look a lot nicer, which is you know, nice, and stuff. it's getting so hot here, i was doing that and ssweating a lot. which annoyed me but my bangs were okay after so it's not that big a deal i suppose.

i also drew but just doodles. i think i need to relax when drawing cuz today was the first time i was like, so unhappy with just studies/warmups that i just didn't save a couple tries at things. that is dumb of me!! i should just keep it all, i should also remember to make the thing bigger so i can draw more random stuff / whatever i want.

here's these doodles though, i like them but they are all just faces/heads:

dddumb stuff.

anyway i really really really am exhausted, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[keefwho]

September 04 - 2023 Monday

7:17am

Yesterday taught me that something drastic needs to change in my life. I knew that already, thats why I'm trying to "improve" whatever that even means. But I mean I need to take more aggressive action because I've basically caught myself thinking a lot more than doing. I need to try more action I can take that will encourage positive changes in my life/mentality. I don't know what kinds of things yet so it's about trying lots of things until I find what works. I will try to use my schedule so I can actually stay on top of anything I decide.

8:40am

I'm having the thought that I can't achieve my goals. I'm having the thought that I'm going to tire myself out and inevitably fail. I'm having the thought that I'm an obsessive person and cannot stop. I'm having the thought that I won't be able to get all my work done today and be proud of myself. I'm having the thought that I can't respect myself. I'm having the thought that people are always judging my flaws. I'm having the thought that trying is pointless.

2:29pm

My heart pushes back against me so much. As soon as I start feeling like maybe I can feel good about my life, it feels CRINGEY. Deep down I'm rejecting it very strongly to the point where it feels like it's just a temporary feeling I'm experiencing on the surface and eventually it'll go away so I can feel like shit again. Its all rooted so very deep. It really feels like at the very center of myself is a cynical, self destructive being, thats what my core is made out of. I don't know how to change that if it's true. Or maybe I'm exaggerating and this is a temporary assessment.

The book I'm reading that is based on ACT is good but has been employing some concepts and techniques that don't really work for me. A lot of it is more abstract mental exercises than I'd like, it probably works for some people but it's not my thing. I'm still following the book anyways but trying not to do it as religiously as before. Right now I'm supposed to schedule 3 events for the next week that will directly challenge some of the thoughts/feelings that hold me back. To me this means figuring out things to do that I wish I could. Basically I'm going to roleplay a 'better' version of myself that can do these things I want to try. Or something I already do but in a different mindset.

10:56pm

This morning I made eggs with corned beef hash and toast. I watched some Chris Chan before stream.

The warmup went well and I mostly finished up the commission I was working on. ('Mostly' because the guy had a bunch of changes to make later, really stupid ones too.) With my spare time I started a new YCH and worked on a goofy drawing drawing intended to be for business growth. That basically means it's an idea utilizing a popular character from media as opposed to mine or someone else's OC. I could have ended early and I wanted to but my main goal is to stick to my work schedule so thats what I did. I also worked on a YCH because instead of having dedicated YCH time 2 days a week like I did, I'll just use spare commission time to do it since I have enough of it.

After stream I replaced my iffy extension cable I use for my heater, I cleaned up the toilet with one of those scrubbing stones, disposed of a mouse I caught, and vacuumed. I also used Pine Sol for the first time to clean the windowsill. I figure bleach based cleaner is not good for it, I know it's not but that's all I had before. I'm doing it properly now. Lunch was tuna spaghetti while watching more Chris Chan, which is always a bad idea. He's gross.

I was a little bit late with getting afternoon work done but I did do it all. The request went well and I finished my friend's birthday gift finally. Also worked on a real old sketch finally of the mane six travelling through a snowscape.

I played some HOI4 today and made more progress in my interesting campaign. This evening I streamed that and some Mother 3 with my bestie and had some really good conversation before bedtime. We also peaked at BOTW and how simplistic it is compared to TOTK. Crazy how we can always talk about Zelda and it's fun. Tbh we can talk about anything and it's fun but especially Zelda.

Tomorrow I'm not looking forward to the commission because it's by someone who I historically have a hard time drawing but it'll get done and be fine I'm sure. I'm also trying to change my mindset from "what will I lose if I don't do X" to "what will I gain if I do X". I think it's a more positive way to view things.

[myfriendfaust]

for the artist ask game: 11, 21, & 27!

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what?

I find it difficult to draw without listening to something, actually! I used to listen to Welcome to Night Vale a lot, but nowadays I mostly listen to music or rewatch a show that doesn't require much focus. For whatever reason I can't listen to audiobooks, though!

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways.

I try and involve little pieces of most of the art I like, so this one is a tricky one. I think that the main one for me is impressionist art - I don't really draw landscapes, and tend to use unnatural colours, but I'm a huge fan of Sorolla especially...

The second image of his wife and child in bed is one of my favourite paintings. In person it almost bleeds love, it's very moving. Other than that I like a lot of contemporary and sculptural art, and try to go to as many art exhibits as I can in general. :)

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with?

More and more lately: I think it's a good habit! I usually draw very loosely for warm-ups, and either noodle out some basic creature designs or experiment with various compositions. I also go back and forth between drawings in my sketchbook a lot, so the ones below are more finished now than they would have been when I first drew them. I rarely ever work directly on the computer, as I find it a lot easier to draw or begin a sketch on paper - most of my work these days begins as an older warm-up I've gone back to.

Below are the beginnings of some composition ideas that I've been using as warmups recently: the very light drawing in the top right is usually what I'll do for the first pass, and you can see the darker areas where I'll go back and change things when I feel like it. This is partly why my lines have a lot of variation in strength; I quite like the effect!

[dykeblade]

in celebration of my buddy getting a diagnosis for his bipolar i stole his joke. is this anything tntduo enjoyers

@captainwestchester

the original

[with-the-same-tattoos]

what brush do you use for your lineart? it looks so good ;;

AAHDSHD;;;; TYSM FOR ASKING IK THIS IS A SIMPLE QUESTION BUT I WILL USE ANY CHANCE I GET 2 RAMBLE ABT ART TECHNIQUE & WHATEVER BC ITS MY FAVE FUCKING THING IN THIS WHOLE WIDE WORLD

My brushes r actually quite simple !!!!!!! I built them to compliment my very freehand/sketch style. If someone is interested, feel free to ask, I can check how to make them downloadable/whatever, but really I have just a couple things that I focus on when it comes to them!!!

Square tip. I use one in CSP called quadrado, I think its in the original set, I'll have to check that out later? But yeah I feel a square tip allows for some fun angular spots to really come through !!! This is also super popular in painting I think, angles & sharp edges r super important there

Shape dynamics. The super basic stuff. I have two main brushes; my basic square, which is for draw flow stuff, and a rough square, which i mostly use to fill in bigger areas / do some extra shading with. My basic square has more flexibility (a bigger range, a lower minimun value) and the rougher one is less flexable and most of the time chunky.

Density. I find density options more appealing to me compared to opacity, but I cant tell why? exactly???? yk???? But yeah. Again, basic square has more flexibility, and rougher less. I find the flexibility & range in my basic brush SUPER important, since i like sketching within my linework and erasing it away/cleaning it up. (difficult to explain- if someone wants a video feel free to ask)

Basically:

oSoOther settings go a bit more into semantics. I also use a blender tool to sometimes soften areas, and often my eraser is set to erasing on all layers so I can kinda build my linework ON my sketch layer and use it in the back as some extra flow.

My current style of drawing is inspired by som rly specific artists that I can talk abt if someone wants 2 hear. I do intend to experiment w stronger lines, im just a wuss and like all... squishy stuff ; v ;

U DIDNT ASK, but again bc i just loooove rambling abt this shit, some additional things that have personally helped me w linework!!!

Those super basic linework practices !!! Just drawing straight lines endlessly, drawing a squicle and trying to replicate it now w a slower stroke

Forcing urself to sketch fast; croquis !!!! I recommend croquis cafe for anyone looking to do this kinda stuff online, its GREAT. Just focus on the time, not how good the sketch is. Croquis is FANTASTIC. it helps u develop muscle memory for unique strokes, develop understanding of what u need to pay attention to (are you paying attention to shadow, light, where the weight of the body is, the squished parts, the stretched out parts, the skin, the muscle, the hair, etc) (ive personally done sessions just focusing on darkest shadow, midtone shadow etc, or light, or the stretched out parts, or just like, a few lines to give the idea of the pose ((eg 5 sec croquis)) ((tho i havent seen those in any web stuff, i had a class where we had those and they were fantastic))) anyways DO CROQUIS AND ALLOW URSELF 2 SUCK AT IT DO IT UNTIL UR HAND HURTS AND UR HEAD HURTS (dont actually do that please) (drink water, take breaks, stretch ur hand)

Warmups !!! before i take on a serious linework, I ALWAYS DO WARMUPS. Some lighter line stuff, flowier line stuff. I often do croquis for this. If i dont do this i get more severe hand cramps, because.... yeah

Traditional sketches w different pens. Preferably ones that u cant erase. Kinda similiarly to croquis, this is super good to just develop more confidence w ur lines. U cant go back and erase them so... U just have to learn to get them right. Im bolding this bcs this is probably the one tip i heard that has helped me the most. All my traditional sketches w pens r ugly as hell but they seriously have helped me so much to get some more freedom and have more fun when drawing & not worry all the time, and its made the process way more enjoyable !!!!

Also please take breaks and stretch ur hand !!! THeres a lot of good guides for artists to stretch their hands :> Seriously. Take care of urself.

[carcinized]

Zoom Cuddles

Ship(s): Romantic Prinxiety

Words: 1376

Warning(s): Quarantine, Zoom, basically just all the sucky stuff of 2020, cuddles, kissing

AU(s): Humans in 2020, college

Notes: This is literal tooth-rotting fluff. I don’t even know how I made this so fluffy—

Summary: It’s literally just Virgil being extremely clingy during Roman’s classes until Roman gets revenge and makes out with him during his math lecture.

Psychology was always Roman’s favorite lecture to attend in these trying times. Not because he enjoyed learning about the mind, but because it was the only class he shared with his boyfriend, Virgil Black.

In fact, he saw Virgil during nearly all of his classes, since they lived together, but in this class, they could share a computer and cuddle through the whole lecture.

That was what they were doing now, in fact. Virgil had propped up his laptop on a desk he’d dragged in front of the couch. He was now sitting in Roman’s lap. Roman had one hand wrapped around Virgil’s waist, keeping him and his warmth close, and the other was in his hair, gently stroking it. Every once in a while, Roman would lean forward to press a kiss to Virgil’s hair and Virgil would sigh happily and melt back against him.

This was why psychology was Roman’s favorite.

•

Roman closed his eyes as he did his best to get his voice up the scale. His choir had already gone up an octave or so from where he was comfortable in his chest voice and was now attempting to sound decent with his head voice, which took all of his concentration.

Roman felt forearms rest of his shoulders and hands clasp behind his neck as someone hung off of him, pressing their body to Roman's.

Roman opened his eyes and stopped singing, frowning at the man hanging off him. "What's wrong, love? I'm on camera, you know.”

Virgil didn't seem to care. He buried his face in Roman's neck. "I'm tired, RoRo."

Roman wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, two fingers rolling a strand of his hair back and forth between them as Roman picked up the singing again. At least Virgil brought warmth on the cold winter day, Roman thought.

Soon, the choir organizer finished warmups, and asked, "Roman?"

Roman gave a sheepish smile and waddled forward to unmute his computer. "Sorry, my, uh—My boyfriend's a little clingy today."

"Am not," Virgil mumbled.

"They can hear you, you know," Roman informed him. The other members of the choir were all either laughing, smiling sweetly, or looking away awkwardly, and Roman couldn't blame any of them for their reactions.

"Well, are you going to be able to sing with him clinging to you like that?" the choir organizer asked.

Roman shrugged and Virgil protested the movement a bit with some incoherent grumbling. "It'll compress my chest a bit, but I'll be fine."

The choir director stared a little longer before giving a shrug. "Whatever, so long as you can follow along."

Roman beamed and adjusted Virgil so his feet were on top of Roman's, then waddled forward to mute himself again.

"Well, everyone, open your documents for 'Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas,'" the director instructed, and Roman did so.

He returned to his spot where he was standing, Virgil still hanging off of him. Sometimes, in between phrases, he'd press a kiss to Virgil's ear and feel Virgil readjust himself with a content sigh. Other times, Virgil would whisper a small "you sound good" and make Roman blush with pride.

At the end of the last note, once Roman had stopped his vibrato, he wrapped his arms around Virgil's waist tighter. "Aren't you glad we lived together during this?"

"What, this Zoom?"

"No, I mean... All of this. 2020."

"Yeah," Virgil said, nuzzling deeper into Roman's chest. "I am."

•

Later that day, Roman was in drama, working on a read-through of a stage version of Clue they hoped to be able to livestream. Virgil simply walked over and straddled Roman's hips, sitting in his lap and laying his head on Roman's shoulder.

Roman couldn't keep the grin off his face as he reached up to stroke Virgil's hair without a word. But the warm feeling in his bones made it a bit hard for him to sound ominous in his role as Mr. Boddy. His line came out in a high-pitched tone when he said, "In your hands you each have a lethal weapon. You all showed up here tonight because you believed the evidence against you was so terrible that you would do almost anything to—"

"Hold it," the director said. "Roman, are you—?" He cut off when he looked up at his screen. "Oh, you've got someone there."

Roman blushed. "Yeah, uh, this is my boyfriend. Virgil, say hi, since you interrupted us!"

Virgil raised a hand and, before he could raise a certain finger, Roman grabbed his hand and pulled it back down sheepishly. "Sorry, he's, um... He's tired."

"It's quite alright, this is just a read-through, after all. Just make sure that he doesn't crash our actual rehearsals as well."

Roman lifted Virgil up a bit by the underarms, intending to look into his eyes as if he were a naughty puppy, but Virgil kept them closed as he scowled sleepily.

"You hear that?" Roman asked. "No crashing rehearsals."

"Yeah, yeah," Virgil murmured. "Let me sleep, now."

Roman rolled his eyes with a small laugh and looked back at the screen, where the entire cast was smiling at him. Roman felt himself go red. "Uh—"

"You guys are adorable!" the woman playing Miss Peacock announced.

Luckily, Virgil didn't protest or make any moves to flip off the cast again.

"Um, thanks," Roman told her. "Anyways...."

And that was how the read-through went.

•

Later, Virgil was in his math class, and Roman was ready to get his revenge.

The other boy was innocently leaning back in his chair when Roman sat in his lap. Having his boyfriend's face right in front of his own seemed to wake Virgil up and his eyes widened in surprise.

Roman didn't give him time to say anything, though, simply leaning forward and brushing his lips against Virgil’s before capturing his lips with his own, knowing the other couldn't resist.

Roman was proved right as Virgil kissed back, pulling him gently closer by the waist. Roman smiled and rested his arms on the back of Virgil's chair. He touched his feet to the ground and gently spun the chair back and forth as they kissed, perfectly happy to get lost in the moment.

That was, until the teacher cleared her throat. "Mr. Black?"

Virgil's eyes widened and he shoved Roman off of him. "Uh—Miss, I can explain—"

"You're on mute," the teacher told him. Roman just rubbed his head from his new spot on the ground.

"Oh, um, Miss, I'm so sorry—"

"Don't worry, I've seen far worse than a boy making out with his boyfriend on camera this year," the teacher informed him.

Roman got up from his spot and rested his head on Virgil's knee out of the camera's line of sight. Virgil reached a hand over and lightly slapped Roman before caressing his face gently. Roman leaned into his touch, only slightly worried about more possible slaps.

"Um... yeah. Thanks, I guess?" Virgil said to the teacher.

"I just want to make sure you're paying attention for this next part, as I'm going to be going over finals material."

"Oh, okay. Yeah, um, thanks."

Roman felt Virgil lean forward and mute himself once more.

Once he'd leaned back, Roman asked incredulously, "You thanked her?"

"What else was I supposed to do?"

Roman looked up at Virgil and broke into a fit of laughter at how red his face was.

"Hey, you never answered me!" Virgil protested once Roman's giggles had started to die down.

"Oh—Um, I don't know. I do know, however, that you're a teacher's pet."

"Shut up."

Roman climbed back up into Virgil's lap, resting against him the way Virgil had earlier. "Fine. I'm going to sleep on you."

"Fine." Virgil's tone was harsh, but when he kissed Roman's hair, he was gentle and caring, making sure Roman knew he wasn't angry. At least, not too much.

After a silence between them, with only Virgil's teacher speaking in the background, Roman heard a tiny whisper.

"I love you, y'know," Virgil said quietly. 

Roman heaved a happy sigh and snuggled closer. "I love you too."

Check out my other works (forgot to put this here at first oOpS-)!

[duhragonball]

Janwum Update: 11,545

I’m further behind than I wanted to be, but I’ve still got 12 days left to cover 18,455 words, so I’ve been in tighter spots, I think.   I still need to get my butt in gear, though.    As a warmup, I’m going to discuss Cryptoland, which is some sort of scam based on the flimsy premise of crypto-dorks buying an island.   It got a lot of attention recently because they made their own cartoon to promote the idea, and it’s really really lousy.   You can watch it here.

A lot of people have already mocked this thing into the ground, so I won’t waste your time repeating their observations.   There’s really just two things that I can’t get out of my head.

The first is this shot of the main characters, Christopher Adams and Connie, embracing when they meet up on the island.  They’re just blinking here, but this is the freeze-frame they use at the end of the cartoon, which shows this as the photo in Christopher’s “wish you were here” postcard to his friend.   It really implies this deep, tender friendship between the characters, except one of them is a cartoon coin, so it looks ridiculous.

The “plot” of the cartoon is that Christopher bought a property on the island, and he’s finally arriving to check out his investment, so he’s basically a proxy for the audience.   “See how much fun he’s having?  This could be YOU!” But it seems like his favorite thing on the island is his pal Connie.  That’s what he put on his postcard, right?

And I can’t stop thinking about it, because what the hell does it mean?  Christopher is just a stand-in for the viewer, but Connie isn’t even pretending to represent a real thing.   The people running this scam are selling NFT’s of him, but that’s it.  You’d never meet the “real” Connie on this island resort.  I don’t think the Cryptoland people are delusional enough to expect this, and yet they sort of imply that you would have whatever Christopher gets when you invest in the island, and that seems to include a long hug with an old friend.  

It reminds me of when I was a kid, and my family went to Disneyworld for the first time, and in the 80s they ran all these ads that made it look like Mickey Mouse would just hang out with you the whole time, or whatever.  I knew it was bullshit even then, but I was really into Pinocchio at the time, and I thought it would be pretty cool if he and I could just cruise around the park, exploring tunnels or something.   That still sounds pretty awesome, actually.   But it’s a theme park.  Disney tries to market the thing like it’s Toontown from Roger Rabbit, but it can’t be.   Cinderella’s Castle just had a gift shop or something, and you couldn’t go to the top and look out at the view or anything like that.  

Anyway, this Cryptoland cartoon reminds me of that childhood realization of marketing vs. reality.    Except who is this for?  They’re trying to buy a private island, and selling plots of land on it.  Christopher had to be a millionaire just to get a piece of this thing, but he’s presented like a child. 

Because there’s really nothing on Cryptoland that you can’t get someplace else.   Christopher eats pizza for lunch, he checks out a cybercafe, plays a pinball machine, and he gets an extra hour in the ballpit.  Everything is named after a bullshit cryptocurrency reference, which he finds brilliant and hilarious, but I feel like that would get old after about a week.    He could have just bought a house in Branson, Missouri.   But no, he had to come here, because that’s where his best friend Connie lives.  And that’s fine for him, because he lives in a world where he can hug a shitty cartoon mascot, but the people watching this video can’t.  

It hit me that what they’re really trying to sell with this crap is the community spirit, which isn’t exactly something you can put in a bottle.   This is like Dashcon or those other conventions organized by people who don’t know what they’re doing.  You’re supposed to go and support it because you can hang out with like-minded people and talk about Superwholock or whatever.   The hug is a metaphor for the experience you’re supposed to have as you swap Bitcoin memes with your fellow jackasses in real life.  They’re selling a fantasy, where you get to be rich and all your friends are rich too and you live in a paradise where you can have whatever you want.   Christopher meets a girl in the cartoon, and they’re probably selling that fantasy too, which is amusing because they can’t deliver it.   Even if they bought an island and set up a pinball machine, you’re not guaranteed to get laid, sorry.   But they want you to think you could, so they use it to hide the fact that this is just a hotel.  

The other thing that I can’t stop thinking about is that the cartoon is set in the future, a future where the Cryptoland resort is already bought, paid for, and developed.   The idea here is that they wanted to show off all their “cool” designs and plans for the resort, but they haven’t bought the island yet, so they made a CGI model and did a shitty cartoon with that as the set.    But it’s a real scummy move, because none of it exists, and yet the cartoon presents it as a finished product that you can go to right now.   So the whole thing is Connie and Christopher doing a victory lap on a racetrack that hasn’t been built.   At one point, Connie congratulates himself for how well his plan has come together, except it hasn’t happened yet.  It’s this weird mix of past, present, and future, manipulated to trick people into sinking money into a pipe dream.    It sickens me.

I bring this up because I’ve been trying to come up with ideas for Time Patrol stories, and I had once considered making up an original villain, but I couldn’t think of a good angle for a time-themed bad guy.   Towa wants to harvest energy from historical figures, Demigra wants to rule time itself, and Cell just wants to go back in time to fufill a program that was obsolete before he was born.   I’m not saying I would repurpose Connie into a time-villain, although that’s not the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.   No, I just mean there’s something intriguing to me about depicting a possible future to deceive people in the past.  And people would fall for it, not because they want a fancy resort, or a beachside mansion.   In the end, all they really want is that hug with a friend who may not exist...

[okay-j-hannah]

That’s My Wife

Harry Potter : Fic

Charlie x Reader

Word Count: 3049

Warnings: SEXY TALK! Charlie is just all over you and your quidditch uniform 😂 Also I know I keep using different gifs for Charlie fics... I just look up ‘hot ginger man’ and pick one I like 🥰

Request: “Hey could I have a story where you are Charlie Weasleys wife and a professional quidditch player? In goblet of fire when they go to the world cup instead of Ireland vs Krum it's your team versus Krum and Charlie is so proud to have Weasley on your uniform and is showing you off to everyone and idk I really just think of Charlie as a very proud guy but humble. Thanks so much!” - Anon

A/N: There’s nothing quite like having your husband be your biggest supporter, especially with the Quidditch World Cup fast approaching

Shifting beneath the covers, (Y/N) sighed as her brain began to wake up. There were a number of thumps happening outside their bedroom and she groaned.

“Charlie?”

Thankfully, a hand came sneakily around her waist, pulling her to him, “What’s the point of apparating if we don’t even get to sleep in?”

“They’re excited,” (Y/N) replied in a quiet voice, keeping her eyes closed as she turned towards her husband, “And people are a bit careless when they’re tired.”

Footsteps could be heard going down the creaky stairs and (Y/N) peered behind Charlie to see that the moon was still basking their window. It had to have been nearly daybreak for the others to be up and about.

“I’ll have to get ready anyway,” she mumbled, resting back into Charlie’s embrace, “The team wants to do warmups and standard procedure before the majority of the crowds…”

Charlie suddenly held her tighter, silencing her with a grin, “Later, sweetheart – I won’t be able to see you all day. I want to hold you for a little while before you fly off.”

She couldn’t help the giggle that escape her with him cradling her against his chest. Though the World Cup was hours away, she knew her captain wouldn’t let her out of his sight until the game started. With the narrow win England made to be entered into the cup, there was immense pressure to deliver a swift and skillful victory for the team.

Being the rising star of “Quidditch Weekly,” there was a lot on (Y/N)’s shoulders to carry the team. It was that thought that began to swell within her when a sudden shout came from downstairs.

“George! What is that in your pocket?”

Charlie laughed low in his throat, his grisly morning voice doing it justice, “Looks like mum found those joke shop toffees.”

“Nothing!”

“Don’t you lie to me!”

(Y/N) took a deep breath, allowing Charlie’s natural scents relax her; worn leather, old newspaper, rain-soaked grass. She wasn’t quite sure what she was going to do without him giving her pep talks between penalty shots and time outs.

More than anything she wished he could be on the grounds with the referees instead of up in the stands.

With the anxiety filling her up as it usually did before a big game, she reached for his hand wrapped around her. Lacing their fingers together, she could feel him lean into her neck and plant a kiss behind her ear.

“You’re going to be incredible, sweetheart.”

She sighed into a smile, closing her eyes once more and allowing a few more moments of peace.

“Accio! Accio! Accio!” Came from downstairs, and she laughed out loud that time.

~~~

The sun crept higher and higher as the team lay on the pitch, doing stretches. Their captain Edric Vosper was pacing along the team benches.

“England hasn’t been a part of the Quidditch World Cup since 1981,” he intertwined his fingers in front of him, “And with us scraping that win against Transylvania last month… there’s too much at stake.”

“We know, Vosper,” came the voices of some of (Y/N)’s best friends – the beaters of the team, Dawn and Indira.

“We’ve had this same speech at every practice since that win,” (Y/N) added, smirking and straightening her arm braces, “I’m not sure there’s much else you can say to prepare us.” Her fellow chasers Avery and Keaton snickered behind their hands.

Vosper seemed at a loss of a comeback, finally sitting on one of the benches, “You’re right, of course. I just had a talk with Ludo Bagman and have basically every coin in my account betted for England being the winning team.”

“Why would you do that?” Dawn cried, slumping onto the grassy ground, “I’m worried enough about the game without knowing you’ll be broke if we lose.”

“And will probably have to crash at my place for the rest of the year,” Avery rolled his eyes.

Vosper put his face in his hands and took a deep breath, making the team all refrain from smiling sarcastically. (Y/N) stood and folded her arms, leaning forward slightly to speak.

“I say we take a break before the match starts – go enjoy some time with our families until the whistle blows.”

Keaton flexed his fingers, “Yeah, if I have to practice another quaffle pass I pretty sure my fingertips will snap.”

The team all laughed, evidently trying to make it as lighthearted as possible with the amount of pressure all nestled on their shoulders. (Y/N) secretly believed that a pep talk from all their close friends and family would motivate and improve the teams morale.

But she also knew that if she voiced that much of her opinion, then the players would just tease her about becoming the next great captain for the team. And she was too good of friends with Edric to make him doubt the authority of his position.

“Hey, guys, we’ve been practicing every day for weeks,” Indira stated, pulling a knee to her chest for a stretch. “Maybe enjoying our last meal with our families would relieve some stress.”

“Why are you saying it like we’ve all got death sentences? Our last meal?” Avery laughed, leaning over to push her away playfully.

She shrugged her shoulders, “Way to improve the mood, Hawksworth.”

The rest of the team laughed again, waiting for Vosper to lift his head from his hands. When he did he focused his attention to the opposing team across the quidditch pitch. The brutal Bulgarian team was conducting a number of routines with quaffle passes and snitch spotting.

They donned scarlet robes with black and gold lettering, which reminded (Y/N) of her Gryffindor house back at Hogwarts. It made her frown to see them arrogantly flashing those colors as they sped on their similarly tinted Firebolts.

Peering down at her own uniform, she relished in the bright white and complementary cherry red accents. The proud emblem of golden dragons blazoned the front and brought a fiery desire to beat Bulgaria with every bit of will power she had.

“I think we are over exhausting ourselves,” Vosper concluded, resting his elbows on his knees. “How about this – you all are free to do whatever you please until the match, as long as you deliver the Rowntree Counter.” He stared pointedly at (Y/N), saying, “If we can execute that as perfectly as you did with Transylvania, we’ll have this game in the bag.”

With slight hesitation, she gulped and nodded. She knew there were scouts in the crowd, recruiters that were looking for talent. If she could make a spotlight of their team, they could go far in quidditch history.

It was this thought that dwelled with her as she left the pitch and made her way through the crowds to find the tent grounds the Weasley’s had rented.

She quickly found herself distracted by numerous fans; now, with the sun newly risen and the mist lifting, she could see the city of tents that stretched in every direction. She made her way slowly through the rows, staring eagerly around.

Many of the campers were starting to wake up. First to stir were the families with small children; a tiny boy no older than two was crouched outside a large pyramid-shaped tent, holding a wand and poking happily at a slug in the grass, which was swelling slowly to the size of a salami.

“Excuse me, miss,” came a timid voice nearby, “Are you (Y/N) Weasley?”

She turned her shoulder and saw a young girl and boy standing on their tip toes and wringing their hands excitedly.

“Yes, ma’am, that’s me.”

“The chaser for England’s National team?” the boy added on, somewhat disregarding her previous response.

(Y/N) peered down at her uniform and shrugged her shoulders, “I’m pretty sure that’s what my robes say.”

There was a squeal behind her, and then another and another. Whispers, then shouts, began appearing all around her as exclamations said:

“Is that…?”

“Mum! It’s the England chaser!”

“She was on the cover of Quidditch Weekly yesterday.”

“Do you think I could get a signature?”

“Wait… (Y/N) Weasley?”

“I don’t have a quill… would she mind using my body paint?”

And it was twenty minutes before she was able to extract herself from the growing crowd. She had signed robes, arms, books, tents, and English flags with everything from paint to lipstick. There was even a little girl that bought a miniature figurine of (Y/N) that padded along her palm, even laughing the same full body laugh that (Y/N) usually did, which she signed the back of.

She had to apologize to everyone as she pushed through, saying she’d like to get to her family before the day was through. It didn’t stop the stares, gasps, and waves, but she was grateful for not being followed as closely anymore.

A short way farther on, she saw two little witches, who were riding toy broomsticks that rose only high enough for the girls’ toes to skim the dewy grass. Here and there adult wizards and witches were emerging from their tents to claim a breakfast. Some, with furtive looks around them, conjured fires with their wands; others were striking matches with dubious looks on their faces, as though sure this couldn’t work.

As she neared the other side of the fields, she noticed the colors changing drastically from black and scarlet to white and cherry. This new patch of tents were all covered with thick clusters of dragon themed décor; blue, red, and white flags flew all around the campers. Dragon kites, dragon statues, dragon emblems, dragon puppets, and even dragon hide was covering most other surfaces.

It really showed the loyalty, as well as the increase of more fans trying to get her attention. One began waving a moving poster of herself crossing her arms and smiling broadly. But just beyond she noticed the exact family she was looking for.

“Charlie!”

One of the redheads sitting around the morning fire stood and whipped around to see who was calling for him. When he spotted his beloved, he called out, urging her forward.

The nearer she got, she noticed that it wasn’t just the Weasley’s, Harry, and Hermione – Ludo Bagman and Mr. Barty Crouch were there too.

“I thought you were going to be on the pitch all day!” Charlie cried, reaching her and pulling her into a bone-crushing hug. “I wasn’t expecting to see you until after the game.”

She giggled happily as he lifted her enough that she was on her toes, “We convinced Vosper that we could use a break to gather our senses.” She nuzzled into his shoulder as they continued to hold each other close – that calming smell of rainfall and old, weathered book pages whelmed her again.

Charlie moved a hand to the side of her face where he could direct her attention to his eyes, “God, you’re so beautiful.”

She smiled, her eyes suspicious, “Even in this sweaty updo?”

“What can I say? I can’t resist a woman in uniform.” He gave her a seductive gaze and bit his lip, leaning his forehead against hers.

She moved her hands up his torso and around his neck, sighing deep in her chest, “Not until I knock Bulgaria on their ass.”

Charlie closed his eyes and breathed deeply, “You just got a whole lot sexier.” And he practically growled as he dipped for a kiss, a hungry kiss. The intensity took (Y/N) slightly off guard, accidentally pulling a moan out of her.

“Okay, woah, woah!” came the boisterous voices of Fred and George, “Lock it up, this isn’t your honeymoon.”

They could hear Ginny laughing with Bill, and Percy was muttering things like, “Right in front of Mr. Crouch,” under his breath.

“Now, Charlie,” Mr. Weasley stated in a nervously loud tone, “We’ve got guests.”

(Y/N) had to be the one to pull away, finding her breath was taken away by the moment. Charlie grinned and waved a hand over his shoulder.

“Paparazzi,” she muttered, “We’re surrounded by witnesses.”

“It would be ridiculous to hide my feelings for you, (Y/N). Why shouldn’t the public know we have a perfectly wonderful marriage.” He held her by her shoulders, “I’m proud to have you by my side, so what if the Daily Prophet knows we kiss… guess what? We’re married!”

She couldn’t help but laugh, “Still I’d like to keep a few things… hello!” Behind Charlie’s shoulder she could see the entire Weasley family, and guests, watching them closely.

Charlie twirled around and put an arm around (Y/N), “Mr. Crouch, Ludo – may I introduce my wife, (Y/N) Weasley. THE best chaser that England has known these last few years.”

Ludo Bagman, a jolly man with rosy cheeks and a boyish charm, stood immediately and came to shake hands, “An introduction long overdue I’m sure you feel as well. You know I’ve got a pretty penny on your head to get England the win tonight.”

“Us too,” Fred yelled over the many heads, “So don’t fall off your broom.”

“Oh, you’ve seen nothing until you’ve seen (Y/N) play on the pitch,” Charlie stated, leaning towards the group, “She’s like a snitch herself, whipping through the air.”

“Yes,” agreed Ludo, “The biggest hope England has had in over a decade.”

Charlie beamed, moving his loving gaze to his wife. He simply stood there admiring the praise and talent, silently wondering how it was possible she had chosen him to be her husband.

“Thank you, Mr. Bagman,” (Y/N) replied, “Though you should look at England as the team it is – I’m just one person; it takes all of us to win the cup.”

Charlie grinned even wider if it was possible. Admiration wasn’t enough to describe how in awe he was of her. It was like she was in total denial that she was plainly the one carrying the national team. Though it was incredibly endearing and only made him more in love with the fact that she was with him.

“Oh, please, don’t neglect your talents,” Ludo exclaimed, “We all know you were the one that got the qualification from the Transylvania win!”

“Even with that illegal shot by the bludger,” Ron interjected, sneaking the rest of Hermione’s breakfast sausages, “Those scheming, biased referees.”

Bill clapped his hands together, “This is exactly the problem, if we can’t find the right people to observe the field, then what’s the point of having good players? They’ll be disregarded completely with a biased referee!”

And the family continued the conversation of the prospects of the upcoming game. Percy and Mr. Weasley tried to continue remarks with Mr. Crouch before he left and shortly followed by Bagman.

And all Charlie could do was stare at his wife and wonder… wonder how he got so lucky.

~~~

She could hear the sounds of thousands of people moving around them, shouts and laughter, snatches of singing. The atmosphere of feverish excitement was highly infectious; Dawn and Avery couldn’t stop grinning.

The roaring voice of Ludo Bagman could be heard magically magnified across the sea of people.

“Ladies and gentlemen… welcome! Welcome to the final of the four hundred and twenty-second Quidditch World Cup!”

The spectators screamed and clapped. Thousands of flags waved, adding their discordant national anthems to the racket. A huge blackboard opposite them showed BULGARIA: 0, ENGLAND: 0.

After a presentation of entrancing Veela and a few soaring dragon fireworks, Ludo began to announce the Bulgarian quidditch team members; next came England.

“Presenting – Vosper, Frisby, Choudry, Withey, Flitney, Hawksworth, and Weasley!”

Seven gleaming robed players came whizzing out of the stands on white golden Firebolts. The Weasley family cheered and shook their top box voraciously.  

“That’s her, that’s her!” yelled Charlie, waving his English flag and pushing into Bill and Ron. His brother followed her with his Omnioculars.

“Theeeeeeeey’re OFF!” screamed Bagman. “And it’s Weasley! Hawksworth! Flitney! Dimitrov! Back to Weasley! Hawksworth! Levski! Flitney!”

The speed of the players was incredible – the chasers were throwing the quaffle to one another so fast that Bagman only had time to say their names. Charlie reached over to fight Ron’s Omnioculars off him but failed as he heard the name Weasley again.

The chasers had fallen into their Rowntree Counter, their signature move. They flew into a straight dive as red, white, and blue colors came streaming out of the back of their brooms – signifying the flag of the United Kingdom.

They knocked two of the opposing Bulgarian players teetering on their brooms and distracted the beaters. Flitney passed the quaffle to Hawksworth, who kicked it around before passing it back to Weasley.

(Y/N) did a magnificent overhead kick into the hoop on the far left.

“WEASLEY SCORES!” roared Bagman, and the stadium shuddered with a roar of applause and cheers. “Ten zero to England!”

Charlie jumped and waved his arms, screaming himself hoarse, “THAT’S MY WIFE! WEASLEY IS MY WIFE!”

Bill reached over and stuffed his UK flag over Charlie’s face to shut him up, and Ginny laughed, giving him her white and red rosette.

(Y/N) did a lap of honor around the field and threw a kiss towards the top box where Charlie waved his hands toward her, “I love you, baby!”

The England chasers were superb. They worked as a seamless team, their movements so well coordinated that they appeared to be reading one another’s minds as they positioned themselves, and the rosette now on Charlie’s chest kept squeaking their names: “Flitney – Weasley – Hawksworth!” And within ten minutes, England had scored twice more, bringing their lead to thirty-zero and causing a thunderous tide of roars and applause from the white-clad supporters.

Charlie watched as (Y/N) performed miraculous moves toward the goal posts. The continuous overhead kicks, the usage of the butt-end of her broom like a beater bat, and the intense throw of her arm was mesmerizing.

Charlie yelled and screamed until his face turned red, shouting his praise for his wife. The other members in the top box had to accept the fact that Charlie wasn’t going to shut up about his incredible player on the field.

It was just a continuous strain of, “THAT’S MY WIFE!” with a splendid look of pride and admiration on his cheery face.

“WEASLEY IS MY WIFE!”

~~~

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[chalkrevelations]

Huh.

Well, this is not the next episode reaction you were expecting, but a while back, in the middle of the night, while I was ready to cry from working on a pharmacology paper, out of nowhere, Youtube threw up Street Dance of China S3 Ep1 at me. And yeah. I am, admittedly, f’kn weak for a dance show. (There are enough SYTYCD episode reax on my old Livejournal that I feel there’s no point denying this.)

So – no, actually, wait. FIRST of all, I do NOT believe the “towel vote” we ended up being given for the opening routines from the four captains. That was the most blatant bit of bullshit chicanery I’ve seen in my LIFE, and I say this as a person with a ton of SYTYCD episode reax on my old Livejournal, and I also say this not because Wang Yibo ended up last (well, not entirely), but because I saw Wallace Chung’s routine. As someone closer in age to him than to the other three captains, I have to give him props for trying, but come on, man. The critique that Yibo got from random contestants – if the subtitles are to be believed, so I realize this needs a grain of salt - basically boiled down to “it was too good for the stage lighting.” :hands: Also, I saw your face at the reveal, Wallace, and you were as shocked as I was. No way you got more towels/votes than Wang Yibo. Not unless there’s some super wild undercurrent of nostalgia propping you up, which, I guess could happen, because literally all I know about pop culture in China, current or otherwise, is filtered through Tumblr and Youtube, both notoriously suspect, but … anyway. There’s got to be a TON of behind-the-scenes manipulation going on for Yibo to be rock-bottom with last pick of teams but then also to end up with THAT pool of possibles. Are you kidding me with this?

ANYWAY, what I wanted to say is that I actually really like Wang Yibo here, and it’s not just because he’s the only captain I have even a sliver of familiarity with, and it’s not just because Lan Wangji was banging Wei Wuxian. I do realize all of this is influenced by whatever edit they’ve decided to give a particular captain or contestant, but I’m impressed with the way Yibo immediately starts team building by getting his group into a warmup, getting them dancing together, getting them dancing with him before they have to worry about dancing for him. (I mean, come on, Jackson Wang. The way to get people to stop being nervous is not to say “Stop being nervous! It will make you fuck up!”) The way Yibo immediately recognized and responded to his group’s concerns about that one dude copying someone else’s routine probably also bought him a lot of return investment. He’s dressed to work it, in his sweats and his flannel (what IS that fake-leather TAC vest and random leg holster-looking thing, Jackson Wang?). He’s convincing me he really loves to dance, he can’t hold still while he watches the contestants, he’s wandering over into other captains’ turf when it sounds like there’s a dancer performing who he might like to see, he’s being the best Yibo he can be, and I’m grooving along, wind in my hair, totally down for this ride. He’s also adorable at the beginning when all the other captains are like, my goal for this season is to slaughter the competition and dance on their graves! And he’s like, well, I’d like to … make some friends? And learn some new stuff? I don’t know if the perpetual Humble Student schtick is natural or persona, or whether it’s general or specific to dancing, but it’s working for you, my dude. This is also made better (read: ironic), by the fact that it’s immediately before the towel reveal, when he flips over to utter disbelief and gets all sulky for a while over the “fact” that his dance routine got the least votes.

Also, OH WAIT. This is where that clip of Yibo dancing with his crew ALL OVER HIM came from that I saw floating around a few months ago, isn’t it? You’re telling me those guys had never danced together before and had like, three minutes to throw together that routine? I’m even more impressed than before. Meanwhile, the towels symbolize courage and challenge, Mr. Emcee? OK, fine, cheesy reality show blah blah whatever. Can we get to the dancing now?

I’m going to put the rest of this behind a cut, because it got super long, because it turns out, when you watch in 5-minute increments, it takes two and a half weeks to get through a single episode, but you actually can see and have opinions on all 5,328 contestants, plus every single one of the captains’ battles. Meanwhile, I’m trying to convince myself this is not going to be another series of episode reactions, but 1) I do have the benefit of not having a ton of hometown media giving me a next-day play-by-play, so even though this is six months old, everything’s a surprise; 2) I am, admittedly, f’kn weak for a dance show; and 3) it’s easy to watch in 5-minute increments between researching drug interactions in hypothetical hypertensive patients with stable ischemic heart disease, erectile dysfunction, and seasonal allergies. So, I guess we’ll see. It’ll be slow going, though, because I don’t ever have two and half hours to sit down and watch an ep cover-to-cover – if it happens, it will likely keep happening in 5-minute increments. Meanwhile, there is a metric shit-ton of nattering below the cut, so caveat lector. No, seriously, I kept adding to this little by little until it became a monster. Hashtag long post (remorseful).

OK, I am generally out of my depth here, as this is not at all my area of dance not-really-expertise, but some reactions:

Team Wang Yibo: I can see why he didn’t want to choose between Colin and Dian Men – Colin might have been a touch better technically and a better showman, but Dian Men didn’t seem to have a single wasted move – but, also, my dude. Yibo. You maybe should look a little bit less stunned and overwhelmed by the mere presence of Colin, it’s giving me ideas about your taste in men. Continuing with the powerhouses, I probably shouldn’t even attempt to critique Klash, but I did feel like he was a bit stiff in some of his footwork; that final V kick, though, shit, that’s what having that kind of upper-body strength is for. Bouboo … I mean, excellent flexibility and control, of course, but mainly I’m just terribly amused that Yibo got last pick of teams but somehow ended up with the guy who’s literal world champion, and who’s just as useful for getting into the other captains’ heads – without even trying – as he is for his talent. And then there’s a montage of Yibo giving out towel after towel after towel, and my dude, you cannot keep up this pace. There are still too many dancers to see, and you don’t have that many towels. AAANNNND Towel Battle #1 (See Footnote 1).

Team Jackson Wang: I do like Gai Gai, although that may be influenced by the fact she’s working in the twilight area between hip-hop and contemporary that I have more familiarity with - but also, I suspect she’s pretty good in her genre. I thought Xiao Jie was inconsistent and didn’t stick the landing on his initial attempt, so I have to give you that hesitation, Jackson, even though you’ve somehow ended up the villain in my inner narrative for this show, for no particular reason I can yet discern. Maybe it’s that you’re the direct competition for Yibo’s team in the towel battles. Good enough. Anyway, Xiao Jie definitely stepped up his game for the battle with Bingo, so I can kind of see why both of them got a towel, but we’re not even halfway through this, and most of y’all are giving away towels like you have an endless supply. Yang Kai is a fucking menace with fantastic musicality, and I’m just gonna say it and take the fallout - I think he gave a better performance first time out of the gate than any of Yibo’s powerhouses did. Whatever power Klash has got, whatever skill Bouboo has got, Yang Kai feels more explosive and engaging, at least in these initial showings. He’s going to be one to beat, I’d hug him too, if he was on my team and was going to help me WIN. Yibo’s probably lucky that happened during his little stroll over to check out the competition, so that he can see they’re definitely competitive and be prepared for it. Also, Jackson, I have to admit - that face you made when Chao really kicked in? That was the same face I made, because wt actual f, you have a literal secret weapon – secret because he CAME FROM NOWHERE and NO ONE EVEN KNOWS him, how is that even possible, how did he get that good – fluid, creative, controlled, incredible musicality - without anyone having any idea who he even is? And then there’s a montage of Jackson just giving out towel after towel after towel, and my dude, you need to slow down. You can’t just be like, “THEY LOVE DANCE WITH ALL OF THEIR WHOLE HEARTS!!!!1111!!!!11!” I get it, but everyone there loves dance with all of their whole hearts, and there are not enough towels to send all of them on to the next round. ANNNND, Towel Battle #1 (See Footnote 1).

Team Lay Zhang: lol at how diplomatic you’re being, Lay Zhang – your team’s fierce roar startled you, OK. At this point, I suspect you’re the street most likely to have a knife fight break out before this is all over. I do like Alex, I think he’s got a lot of interesting, super-clean details in his moves, and he’s engaging - I cannot BELIEVE you made him battle that dude whose moves were so mushy, Lay Zhang, it leaves me doubting your ability to judge this thing. At first I thought maybe you were just looking for an excuse because you wanted to see Alex freestyle, but then you actually said something about both dancers being equal, and my estimation of you plummeted, and also sadly, my sound dropped out for the actual battle, including the part where the clearly inferior dancer fell over and then accidentally POPPED ALEX ONE IN THE EYE, and I TOLD YOU SO. I do agree it’s a good idea to make dancers in the same genre do some battling, so you can kind of plan out your towels and put together a team with broad strengths, instead of giving out towels like you’re making it rain for the first 20 contestants, and then you have 1,375 more people to get through, with 3 towels left, as EVERYONE ELSE seems to be doing, so it’s nice that at least one of you guys is thinking – if not actually acting - strategically. That was clearly not even a contest, though, GIVE ALEX HIS TOWEL and send him to the next round. Xiao Bao is hilarious, with his concern that his team captain, who’s into krump, which is “beating,” isn’t going to appreciate his waacking, which is “slapping.” I also don’t know a whole lot about waacking, so thanks for the primer, Xiao Bao, and don’t worry, your performance is just as engaging for those of us who don’t know what we’re watching as you are generally. You deserve that towel for your ability to interact with and engage your audience, alone. Lingo is a good solid performance, although he’s got his team captain strategizing edited over some of it, and here’s the thing: we are 1:56:00 into this, at this point, with another half hour to go, and all of you are starting to disappear into the sea of dancers who are very good at what you do, but at generally the same level? Anyway, Lingo, I approve of your ability to interact with your audience (read: your captain) to ensure engagement, too, so keep that up. Annnd, we actually haven’t seen that much of you guys, but it’s time for Towel Battle #2 (See Footnote 2).

Team Wallace Chung: I’m glad Su Lian Ya insisted on performing, I thought she started off slow but warmed up, and that ending was creepily fantastic and had me spontaneously grinning at the screen in delight. Then we lose sight of this group for a really long time, actually. We go back to find Wallace putting through a couple of urban dancers who we barely see, but who apparently claim to have some choreography experience, and he really likes that. TI shows up, and they’re solid, but honestly, not as good in this performance as they were in some of the stock footage the show threw up to introduce them, but Wallace remains super-excited about the idea of choreography and sends at least choreographer Zhang Jiang Peng through to the next round. And then, we really haven’t seen that much of you guys, either, which maybe doesn’t bode well, but it’s time for Towel Battle #2 (See Footnote 2).

FOOTNOTE 1, aka TOWEL BATTLE ONE, Team Yibo vs. Team Jackson, 3V3 freestyle: First of all, I have to say, I love Yibo - Mr. I Just Wanna Make Some Friends And Have Some Fun - being all, “I have three crappy white towels I’m stuck with for coming in last place that I can’t use to send dancers to the next round and that I DO NOT DESERVE, and I am getting BACK the colorful towels that ARE RIGHTFULLY MINE. I am coming for whoever is in my way.” Team Yibo is Bouboo, Klash, Dian Men, and OK, given what we’ve seen so far, that’s the safe choice, but honestly, I think we’re just taking some things for granted right now, and I’m not sure they actually have given the best performances so far. Yeah, I said it. Team Jackson is Yang Kai, Chao, and Xiao Jie, and … ok, on that last one, I think you probably could have substituted Bingo, but all right. Yang Kai is a definite yes. Chao will be great if he can stay out of his own head and not psych himself out, but given what we’ve seen so far, he’s an obvious pick. First round, Yang Kai vs. Klash, and Yang Kai is still a fucking menace, with super lines. Klash definitely stepped up his game for the battle, and I can’t get over the upper body strength he’s got, to get that kind of airy bounce in his moves, but to be honest, I can’t even be mad the first round went to Yang Kai and Team Jackson. Second round, Yang Kai is still … y’all, the beautiful lines from this guy in his poses, I can’t get over them, but I think he doesn’t have the stamina, his footwork is getting sloppy. Bouboo also steps up his game for an actual battle, his fluidity and control is amazing, and yeah, round to Team Yibo. Round three, Xiao Jie gives it a decent effort, but the polish isn’t there; meanwhile Bouboo is still in champion mode, and I was kind of surprised this was a split vote and went to another round. Xiao Jie absolutely surprised me, coming back stronger on his second try, although I suppose a more familiar genre helped, but Bouboo continues in champion mode. Round four, Chao looks like he’s going to throw up right before he steps out there, and then as soon as the music starts, it’s like, he doesn’t even think. The music just moves him. I feel like his dance vocabulary is more limited than Bouboo’s, though, and Bouboo’s flow is amazing at this point, so I feel like the judges just want to drag this out and see more dancing when we go to one more round. Strong effort all around, but yeah, round four and two towels to Team Yibo. I can’t really complain about that. I do feel like Yibo’s powerhouses have been holding back until now, though, and I’m not sure how I feel about THAT.

FOOTNOTE 2, aka TOWEL BATTLE TWO, Team Zhang vs. Team Wallace, 3V3 w/ captain: lol, Team Zhang really wants someone to pick the Sailor Moon song because they know Xiao Bao and his waacking will tear it up. Anyway, Team Zhang includes Lingo and Xiao Bao, who does not get his Sailor Moon song and continues to be hilarious in his disbelief about being chosen to participate in this battle, when he’s not looking almost as sick as Chao from Team Jackson before HIS performance. Team Wallace includes Su Lian Ya – and honestly, despite how I’m getting ready to bag on him for the entire rest of this battle recap, I like that Wallace put one of his female dancers up there for the battle - and some dude named Ba that they haven’t given us any footage of, up ‘til now, at least that I can remember and who I … don’t even know has been formally given a towel and sent on to the next round, yet? Oh wait, he must have, because there’s talk in the pause for choreography about somehow using the towels during the battle. Wallace relies on Su Lian Ya and Zhang Jiang Peng to choose Ba, and then Ba ends up choreographing a lot of the performance, at least from the edit we see. I continue to feel you may be in over your head, Wallace. This feeling … is not assuaged by your performance in the first round, which is fine, but not really up to the level of almost anyone whose name I’ve bolded so far in this entire recap. Also, using the towels was a cute idea, but it doesn’t translate well, and Team Wallace has a lot of wasted time throwing the towels around instead of actually. You know. Dancing. Lingo gets a credible solo during Team Zhang’s performance, and even though Xiao Bao is clearly lost during a good bit of his backup dancer duties, he manages not to throw up, which – given this team’s general skill level – should be enough to give them the first round, EXCEPT SOMEHOW Team Wallace gets the point from the judges, who then try to justify this inexplicable decision by saying Team Wallace had better interaction, I guess because of the hot mess with throwing the towels around, but adding that Team Zhang was more scattered, which what? More scattered than the hot mess with the towels? I’m not buying this. I can’t tell if they’re propping up Wallace or fucking with Lay Zhang’s head, but I’m having bad acid flashbacks to the many and varied ways dance show judges will try to gaslight you, telling you that things you just saw with your very own eyes did not actually happen when it’s right there! On camera! Visible, despite whatever edit bs you’re pulling! ANYWAY, they’re definitely managing to fuck with not only Lay Zhang’s head, but Xiao Bao’s, and Xiao Bao still doesn’t seem to have his choreography down, but they manage to pull it together enough to take the second round, which to be honest is kind of a muddled mess on everyone’s part. The only one who really stands out to me on this go’round is Su Lian Ya, but OK, Team Zhang might have had it slightly more together as a unit. And then, yeah, OK, I think they were fucking with Lay Zhang’s head, because we then find out that, holy shit, the song the show powers-that-be chose for the tie-breaking third round is that gd Sailor Moon song, and we can all see the writing on the wall. Poor Team Wallace is no match for Xiao Bao, who frankly, carries this entire round on his shoulders without breaking a sweat and barely needs any backup dancers to do it. There’s some ridiculously dramatic reveal of scoring, with the judges dragging out their decisions like this was any actual contest - I’m beginning to suspect that some of them grew up with Wallace Chung posters on their bedroom walls - but finally, round and towel to Team Zhang.

Cut to a little bit of Next Time On, and wow, the first two-and-a-half-hour episode is over, and we aren’t finished with the initial round yet. It’s gonna be Christmas before I make it halfway through this season.