#when did looking like a le$bean become a bad thing

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 17, Unanswered - Pt. 2

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, Pocket embraces her inner Karen (just a little bit)

Word Count: 1.1k

Previously On...: Word on the street is that you and Steve are a Thing. You try to give Bucky a head's up that it's all bullshit, but he's not answering his phone. That can't be bad, right?! RIGHT??? 😬

A/N: Time for Pocket to set the record straight! (ALSO! Surprise, besties: Three updates tonight! - 445, 5, 515 EST)

NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when I update, please enable notifications from my Blog page!

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Sadly, tag list is closed; Tumblr will not let me add anyone new. If you want to be notified when I update, please Follow me for Notifications!) @jmeelee @cazellen @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @blackhawkfanatic @buckybarnessimpp @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @pattiemac1@les-sel @dottirose @winterslove1917 @harperkenobi @ivet4 @casey1-2007 @mrsevans90 @steeph-aniie @bean-bean2000 @beanbagbitch @peachiestevie @wintrsoldrluvr @shadowzena43

Tumblr will not let me directly tag the following: @marcswife21 @erelierraceala @jupiter-107 @doublejeon @hiqhkey @unaxv @brookeleclerc

You’d never had an opportunity to meet Lisa Galvin, head of the PR firm that exclusively represented Stark Industries, but you figured that, if she could handle the public relations nightmare that was Tony Stark, you were obviously in good hands.

“Ms. (Y/L/N),” Lisa said, rising to shake your hand as you were shown into her office, “it’s so lovely to finally meet you. I’ve heard such good things.” Her firm’s suite was on one of the Tower’s mid floors, and was bright and spacious, but lacked any real sense of character or personal warmth. Given that Galvin & Associates represented all of Stark Industries, plus every Avenger, you kind of expected the space to be a bit more… colorful.

“‘Pocket’s fine,” you said, sitting down in the chair she offered you. “Thanks for meeting with me on such short notice.”

Lisa smiled. “My pleasure. Though, we wish you’d come to see us much sooner. In terms of a PR footprint, you’re practically a ghost! We could do so much for your public image, if you’d only let us, dear.”

You looked around, wondering who the ‘we’ was that she was referring to, as it was only the two of you in the room. “I actually prefer it that way,” you told her. “I highly value my privacy, and I took my job to create and innovate, not to become public property.”

Lisa pursed her lips, as though she could think of nothing more disdainful than wanting to remain out of the public eye. “Well, to each their own, I suppose,” she said, her voice betraying that she very much did not agree with you. “Now, what is it you wanted to meet about?”

“I’m sure that you’ve seen the articles by now,” you told her, something about her beginning to rub you the wrong way. “You wouldn’t be very good at your job if you hadn’t.”

“Ah, yes,” she replied, and if she heard the edge in your voice, she didn’t acknowledge it. “The ones about you and our very own Captain Rogers! Congratulations, I might add! Just delightful! What about them?”

“I want to issue a statement refuting them,” you said. 

Lisa looked at you as if you asked her if she wanted to go out and kill any and every puppy you could find. “But Pocket, my dear, why? You must understand that being romantically linked to one of the most eligible bachelors in the entire world– nay; throughout all of history can only increase your public approval ratings. Do you know how many of my clients would literally kill to have exposure like that?”

You widened your eyes. She was slightly scary, like a deranged Effie Trinket. “Well,” you began slowly, “first, there’s the fact that it’s not the truth. I am not now, nor have I ever been, romantically linked with Steve Rogers. And second, and most importantly, I’m deeply committed to someone else, and I don’t want him getting hurt by these lies.”

Lisa rolled her eyes at you. “My dear, in the court of public opinion, no one gives a damn about the truth. It’s all about optics. And given the public’s engagement with the articles that have been posted since the gala, the optics you and the Captain present together are divine.”

“Yeeeeaaaah,” you drew out, “I really don’t give a shit about optics. I’d just like the record to reflect the facts.” You leaned forward, putting your elbows on Lisa’s desk as you looked her in the eye. “And if you’re not going to do that for me, I’ll speak to Ms. Potts and Mr. Stark about finding a new firm for the company that can.”

You smiled your “did you forget exactly what my position was in this company?” smile; not one that you used very often, as it tended to give you the ick, but you felt it was more than appropriate, given the circumstances. It wasn’t uncommon for people to underestimate or dismiss you, or think they could intimidate you or bend you to their will due to your small stature or your relatively young age, or just because you were a woman. It didn’t hurt to give them an occasional reminder.

Lisa looked properly concerned. “Well, I – there’s no need for that!” she spluttered. “I see no reason Mr. Stark needs to be involved. It’s a simple matter of having you write out a statement, after all. From there, my associates will send it along the AP wire, and to the outlets that wrote the articles, asking for a retraction, or at the very least, that they publish your response.” She opened a drawer in her desk and pulled out a legal pad. Handing it to you, along with a pen, she said “Just write the basic sentiment you wish to get across, and my team will tweak it into something befitting a proper press release.”

You raised an eyebrow. “I’d prefer to have my statement in my own words, thanks,” you said, before bowing your head and beginning to write:

While Ms. (Y/L/N) greatly values her friendship with Captain Rogers and admires all he has done for his country, she would like to clarify that they are not now, nor have they ever been, involved in a romantic relationship of any kind. Ms. (Y/L/N) is involved in a committed, long-term relationship with another party and kindly requests that her privacy in this arena be respected, and she be left to continue living her life as a private citizen.

“There,” you said, handing her the sheet of paper. “That should do it.”

Lisa looked it over and nodded her approval. “It will do,” she said. “It’ll go out straight away; I’ll do it myself.” You nodded and, thanking her for her time, stood and turned to leave. “Oh, Pocket, dear,” she called to you. You turned, wondering what more she needed from you. “Just for the sake of curiosity, when you wrote you were already in a long-term relationship, who were you referring to? Is it someone in the Tower? I only ask because it may become a relevant issue at some point in the future.” “James Barnes,” you told her proudly. You loved him, and you honestly didn’t care who knew it.

Lisa clutched her chest as if you were attempting to steal her pearls. “The Winter Soldier?! Oh, my dear– you better pray that little nugget never gets out, because if it does, you’ll be running back here in tears, begging me to fix your ruined public image.”

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

[biggreenneatbox]

Tagged by @sadiemacoy -- list a favourite character from 10 favourite fandoms.

Now, do I even have 10 fandoms in ma brain *to* pick from.....

(Turns out, answer is "No". So I will be listing my favourite characters from what seems to be my brain's current fixations)

Critical Role - Caduceus Clay / Grog Strongjaw / Laudna

I couldn't pick individual people, so I've listed, in order, my favourites from each of the 3 main campaigns. We've got out of place asexual loner with a heart of gold and a penchant for reason in a world of chaos in Cad; No Thought, Only Heart and Instinct for Grog; and misunderstood weirdo with a love of both the arts and a strong independant woman what don't need no man (but wouldn't say no to a woman if she were to try and fill that void) in Laudna

RWBY - Neopolitan

I love this little shit so much! And now that I fully identify as Non-Binary, having my favourite character be someone who can alter their appearance at the literal drop of a hat makes so much sense. Also, Ice Cream Aesthetic

God of War - Kratos (Norse era)

I liked the overarcing spectacle of the Greek era, and TC Carson was a fantastic Greek Kratos, but Norse era Kratos is just a whole other man and I am here for his growth. Christopher Judge conveys so much with so little; he's like the father I never had

Star Wars - Anakin Skywalker (Clone Wars era) / Darth Vader

If you think about it, he's a Gifted & Talented Kid that got pushed to the point of breaking. Especially when we got Season 7 of The Clone Wars and we saw the overlap of it and Ep.III. And then there's Vader. I have never really seen someone command a presence in everything he's in just by being there. He literally needs to *breathe* and that's most people done. He just shows up in Jedi: Fallen Order and everyone *knew* that we were fucked

Sly Cooper - Bentley

(I have to pick Bentley because apparently "The track 'Paris Rooftops' from the Sly 2 OST" can't be a character)

Joking aside, Bentley overcame his nerdy social anxiety and thrived when he had to face the world alone. And then when Clock-la happens and he becomes paralysed, he didn't stop. He adapted. I thrive to be like that eventually. But also, turtle: things going bad? Just jump into your shell

The Last of Us - Ellie Williams

Ah, my little Les-bean. Reminds me of a close friend, what with the arting and the guitar and the singing and the gayness

Sonic the Hedgehog - Shadow

An even darker and edgier speedy hedgehog? Yes please! But also, Shadow (especially in the games I played as a wee lad - Sonic Heroes & Shadow the Hedgehog) had a whole lot of uncertainty in his life and had to discover and forge his own path. Being told he's so many different things and having to decide whether that's what he wants to do and listen to one of their stories, or become his own individual person away from the pressures of everyone else

Dragon Ball - Future Trunks

What's that? My favourite Dragon Ball character has a hero complex, wherein he tries to prevent any ill-fate before it happens by going back in time to change the past, hopefully making his future a better place, only to find out that protecting them did nothing for him and he ended up sad and depressed anyway? .........nope, can't relate ......to the time travelling part

DBZ Abridged also helped by constantly drawing Doctor Who parallels with him, and that was one of my many childhood / teenage hyperfixations soo.....

Dead by Daylight - The Dredge

Got to give thanks to HighKingMargo on AO3 for delving into some lore of DBD that I wasn't aware of in their amazing fic "This Hunger, It Isn't You", but when I looked and really paid attention to everything, I kind dug the vibe of The Dredge. Long story short - it's a SUPER fucked up amalgamation of cultish despair that manifested as a shadowy mass of limbs and general ick. I'm not much of a horror fan, but of all the (non-license) Killers in the game, I adore this disgusting thing

Marvel - The Hulk

A man with a curse to be the worst version of themselves when pushed, so decides to live a life of relative solitude and ease for fear that the less people are around them, the better? And with that, the absolute power fantasy of having almost free reign to be as strong as I need to be in any given moment. Hmm, I guess I'll focus on that one. Also, they're literally part of the reason my blog is named BIGGREENneatbox

BONUS 11th: Avatar: The Last Airbender - Uncle Iroh

It's Uncle Iroh.

Well, now that fustercluck and self-realisation journey is out of the way... @dvdson @geekg1rl3 @calxiyn you try

[perspectiveofaclosetedgal]

I am not stylish so a friend of mine has been helping me with my fashion choices

I ask, "how about paired with these shoes?"

Her, "no you have to wear heels, flats will make you look like a lesbian"

[butterfliesluke]

Hello so I was that you had you’re request open I was wondering if you could do a bsm imagine where Ashton has a 15 year old sister and she gets kicked out of the house by her mom because she gets bad grade but it’s only because she’s has a hard time learning things and it takes her a while so she calls Ashton and the boys for help and Ashton tells her to move in with him and do homeschooling and he take her on tour and they become closer then ever.

An: yes of course! I might add in some of my own ideas as well thank you for the request!

Big brother love- Ashton Irwin x reader

Warnings: some swearing and some angst. And bad relationship with parent?

Summary: the request says it all my friends^^

••••••••••••••••••••••••

You and your brother Ashton where always close when you were little and when you where 14 and he was 17 he started a band called 5 seconds of summer. You started to see Ashton les and less because of practices, and recording work they had to do. You were very proud of your brother but you missed the way you two used to be.

Now you were 16 and Ashton was 19. 5 seconds of summer had finally taken off and were making it big. He had moved off to England with the rest of the band because that’s where their record label was.

You were very lonely in the house now and all your mother did was complain about how Ashton was so successful yet you were a failure in everything you did.

You weren’t the best in school but you were trying your best and nothing was working. Instead of As and Bs you’d bring home Cs and Ds and you were really trying. You would spend hours on end every night studying for an exam and still get a bad grade.

“Y/n! Get down here!” Your mother said in her thick Aussie accent.

You knew this wasn’t going to be good so you very slowly walked down the stairs of your small two story house.

“Yes mum?”

“Another bad grade?!” She holds up a letter from your school. It’s the letter they send when your in danger of failing the year.

“I- mum I’m trying really hard. You know I have learning disabilities. I’m trying everything!” You get upset.

“You obviously aren’t trying hard enough! Why can’t you be like Ashton and be good at school and be successful!” She fired.

Ever since Ashton left the house you had been compared to him and called a failure and you were so sick of it.

“Why am I always compared to him! I’m sorry I can’t be your favorite mom because I know you cherish Ashton! I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment to you and the family, and I’m so fucking sorry that according to you I was a mistake!” You yelled referring to another argument you had with your mother. Her face looked as red as a tomato. You had never seen her this mad and it was starting to scare you.

“Well look at you finally talking some sense around here!”

You were silent at her comeback...hurt to say the least.

It was quite for a few moments until your mum spoke again.

“I can’t be see with you as my child. Get out.”

Her last two words made your breath hitch and your eyes whell with tears.

“You don’t mean that mum you’re just angry.” You go to touch her shoulder as she leaned on the kitchen counter but she slapped your hand away.

“I said get out! You aren’t my daughter! My daughter would be worth keeping!” You let out a sob. Her words were like a bullet to your chest.

You couldn’t live like this anymore. You ran up the stairs and grabbed two backpacks from your closet.

You ran around your room grabbing clothes and nesesities. You turned to look at the desk in the corner of your room seeing a picture of you, Ashton, and yours mom all together when you where happy. You took the picture and put it in your bag and started walking down stairs.

You didn’t even bother saying anything to your mom as she watched your every move. You just threw the house key at her and help up the middle finger as you left.

Having no where to go you wandered the streets thinking. You had no friends who would take you in and you and Ashton’s dad left right after you where born. No family live by ,so you were stuck.

Your brother would more than likely take you in but he was busy and probably couldn’t be bothered with you at the moment. At least that’s what you thought.

Vibration ran through the phone in your hand. Speaking of the devil, it was Ashton. You had no choice but to answer or he would call your mom.

“Hello?” You voice shook.

“Hey jelly bean! Everything alright? You sound shaken up.” He used your nickname he called you ever since you were born which made you smile a bit.

“Um yeah everything is fine.. how are you?”

“No ma’am don’t change the subject what’s wrong?” He fought into your lies and you knew if you kept lying to him he would find out what was wrong either way.

“Mom kicked me out.” You bluntly said.

There was complete silence..

“She what?!” Ashton yelled in fury.

“I got a bad grade again and-“ you started but Ashton interrupted you.

“She- that’s it you’re coming to like with me.” Ashton said and you could hear him typing on a keyboard.

“No ashton. You’re busy with the band I would be a burden!” You let more tears slip down your face.

“Are you kidding me?! I’m not leaving my little sister on the streets! And no you wouldn’t. I miss you so much y/n.” He soften his voice towards the end of his little rant.

Ashton bought you the first plane ticket to London. He wanted you there as soon as possible because he wanted to make sure you were safe.

.....

Mad soon as the plane landed you were ready to be hugged by your big brother you really needed it and once your were finally in his arms his first words were.

“I’m here forever jellybean”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

An: sorry it took so long! I’m also sorry if it did not meet expectations. Please if any of you lovely people have a request leave it in my ask box! I would be more than happy to do it!

Much love xx

[vgckwb]

P5R: Rebel Girl (A FeMC Story/P5R Rework) Chapter 14: Guidance When Scared to Death

Ren walked into Le Blanc. She was feeling better, but still worried about Kasumi. She took a deep breath to calm herself down and remembered that she lived in a coffee shop. It’s not like she forgot, but it still felt a little surreal. She saw Sojiro was still here. “Hey” she said. “Could I have some coffee?”

Sojiro looked up. “You seem troubled,” he said. “Are things going well at school?”

“Well, I haven’t gotten in trouble, if that’s what you’re asking” Ren said.

Sojiro seemed puzzled. “Well, I don’t want you to be miserable,” Sojiro said. “Don’t act out, but don’t become so much of a wallflower that you can’t even say what you feel.”

Ren was equally as puzzled. “Um, OK.” She sighed. “One of my friends passed out at school.” Sojiro was shocked. “Her dad told me she’s getting better, but she hasn’t been to school since. I dunno, I’m just kind of worried. I feel like I can’t focus that well until I know she’s OK.”

Sojiro smiled. “I know that feeling.”

“You do?” Ren asked.

“Of course,” Sojiro said. “Once upon a time I had friends. I understand being worried about them.” He smirked. “Tell you what. I know my coffee is good enough to ease your nerves, but why don’t I teach you how to brew some tonight?”

“Really?” Ren asked.

“Yeah” Sojiro said. “That way you can have some whenever you feel like. Well, I mean, don’t go crazy with it.”

“Right, otherwise I wouldn’t have a home,” Ren added.

“Precisely,” Sojio said. “Now, get changed, put on an apron, and wash up.” Ren went up to change. Morgana stayed in her room. She came back down, washed up, put on an apron, and joined Sojiro behind the counter.

Sojiro instructed her very carefully on how to make a good cup of coffee. “Alright, you think you got the hang of it?”

“I think so,” Ren answered.

“Alright then. Let’s see” Sojiro said. Ren followed Sojiro’s instructions and made some coffee. “Alright, now let's see how it tastes.” Ren poured out two cups. They each picked up a cup, clacked them, and took a sip. “Ah. Not bad for your first time.”

“Thank you,” Ren said. “Although, I think it might have more to do with the beans than my skill.”

“Ah yes, the beans” Sojiro remarked. “I’m going to let you in on something. While it’s true I do have high quality beans, a true test of skill is how you bring out the flavors. Don’t get me wrong, you’re not on my level yet, but you have potential. More than most first time coffeee makers.”

Ren smiled. “Thank you again.”

The bell rang out. “Huh. It’s odd that I get a customer this late” Sojiro said. “Welcome to…” he turned around to see a man in a blue jacket and cap. “What’ll it be?”

“What? No hospitality?” the man said.”And you call yourself a restaurateur.”

Sojiro glared at him. “What will it be?”

“Heh. Nothing” the man said. “I just wanted to check up on you. For old time’s sake. This seems like a nice little place you got here. I wonder if it’s enough. It has to be, right? You even have enough for a part-timer. And a cute one at that.” Ren winced.

“If you’re not going to order anything, please leave,” Sojiro said.

“OK, OK” the man said. “But I will be back. And who knows? I might come when you have customers. So maybe you should practice being nice to me.” The man left.

“Who was that guy?” Ren asked.

Sojiro sighed. “He’s an acquaintance of mine. I thought he would have been satisfied. But I guess people like that never are.” Sojiro was shaking a little.

Ren put her arm on his shoulder. “Do you want me to make you some more coffee?”

Sojiro looked at Ren. “I still need to finish this one. But thank you.” They both continued to drink. “Listen. If you see that guy when I’m not here, don’t say anything to him. If he tries anything, don’t be afraid to run or call the police. He is bad news all around.”

“I see,” Ren said. “I’ll be careful.”

Sojiro looked at Ren. He smiled. “I hope your friend gets better soon.”

Ren smiled. “Thanks. I hope that guy doesn’t come back.”

“Ah ha ha ha!” Sojiro said. He sighed. “You know, I’m starting to like you more. Or at least I’m getting used to you.”

“Same,” Ren said.

Hierophant-Sojiro Sakura: Rank 2

They finished their coffee, and Sojiro headed home. Ren headed upstairs and went to bed.

The next day at school, Ren got a message from the group chat.

Ann: You feeling up for it yet?

Ren: Not quite.

Ren: I just want to make sure Yoshizawa is alright.

Ryuji: Yeah, she’s still not back yet.

Ryuji: And the crap I hear is ridiculous.

Ann: Well, I know how you feel.

Ann: But we do have a deadline to meet.

Ren: Right. If she’s not back by then, we’ll go for it.

Ren: It’s just…

Ann: I get it.

Ann: Still, just keep calm.

Ryuji: Yeah, we’re here for you if you need anything.

Ren: Thanks.

“I’m here too” Morgana said as Ren put her phone away.

“Was that a cat just now?” the teacher said. The students seemed confused. “Pheh. Must be my imagination. Anyways…” they continued with the lesson. Ren sighed, relieved about not getting caught with a cat.

After school, Ren was walking around aimlessly. “Hey” Morgana said, poking his head out. “Do you wanna talk?”

“I’m good,” Ren said.

Morgana looked concerned. “Are you sure you’re up for this? We’re probably going to be facing worse stuff.” Ren stopped. “It’s not like I don’t care about Kasumi, but if you’re acting like this now, if things get worse…”

Ren smiled. “I’m doing this now in case things get worse.” Morgana was confused. “I’m taking the time I need to breathe now because who knows if I’ll get the chance later on.”

“I guess I see your point,” Morgana said. “I guess reflection is healthy when you have stuff to reflect on.”

Ren scratched Morgana’s chin. “You’ll find something.” Morgana began purring. “I mean, you’re always thinking about the job.” Ren stopped.

Morgana noticed this. “Um, why did you stop?”

“I just thought of something,” Ren said. She started walking. “If things are going to be getting tougher, we need to prepare now, right?”

“Uh, yeah?” Morgana said.

“Well then let’s go!” Ren said

“‘Go’? Go here?” Morgana asked to no avail, as Ren went on the move. Soon they ended up in front of the Takemi Clinic. “I see.”

Ren grinned and walked in as Mrgana hid in her bag. Takemi saw her. “Ah. You’re back. You need more medicine?”

“Well, kind of,” Ren said, concerning Takemi. She glanced around to see no one else was here. “I’ve heard rumors that you’re working on a special medicine.”

“Hm” Takemi said. Step into my office.” Ren did as such. Takemi locked the door. “Alright. Which conversation of mine did you eavesdrop on?”

“Uhhhhh” Ren said, concerned.

“I could probably guess,” Takemi said. “Well, it doesn’t matter. What you heard is correct. However, it’s not ready for general use. Though there are a few exceptions.”

“Exceptions?” Ren asked.

Takemi nodded and giggled. “Don’t worry. It won’t be anything too extreme for the most part. But I need absolute confidentiality on your part.”

Ren decided to think of this as a test. She was feeling a little intimidated, but if she was going to stand up to Eris and whatever she threw her way, she needed to face this doctor head on. “OK. What did you have in mind?”

“Hm. You’ve got guts kid” Takemi said. “I like that. It’s just what I need. As for what you’ll be doing, this special medicine. It’s true that I’m developing it, but it’s still in the process of getting made. Which is where you come in. I need someone to test the medicine to see if it works as intended. A guinea pig of sorts. Are you up for that?”

Ren thought about it. This special medicine could be really useful for future Phantom Thieving. Plus it sounds like a good way to get back at that jerk she heard before. And it wouldn’t hurt too much, right? “Alright. I’m in.”

“Heh. Very well” Takemi said. “In exchange for helping me, I’ll help you even further with the medicine I have. Does that sound fair?”

“Of course” Ren said.

“Hm hm. I can tell already that I’m going to like having you around” Takemi said.

I am thou... Thou art I… Thou hast acquired a new vow...

It shall become the wings of rebellion that breaketh thy chains of captivity.

With the birth of the Death Persona I have obtained the winds of blessing that shall lead to freedom and new power.

Death-Tae Takemi

“We’ll start the trials some other time,” Takemi said. “They usually take a while.”

“OK” Ren said. She started to leave but then stopped. “Hey, I have a medical question.”

“Hm? What’s on your mind?” Takemi asked.

“See, my friend passed out from a fever a few days ago, “ Ren explained. “I immediately took her to the nurse’s office. And she hasn’t been to school since.”

“Worried about them, are you?” Takemi asked. “Well you shouldn’t be too worried. You did the right thing by taking her to get help right away. And unless you're a certified professional, that’s all you could have done.”

“I guess…” Ren said.

Takemi laughed. “I’m sorry. It’s just you remind me of another doctor I used to know. You seem willing to move the Earth to help people. It’s commendable for sure, but you have to be careful. You can’t help people if you’re alone or dead.”

“Right,” Ren said. “My other friends keep telling me that.” She quickly placed her hands over her mouth. Did I really just say that?

“...’Other friends’?” Takemi said, confused. “Well, it’s nice to know I’m friends with someone so kind and understanding.”

Ren was no longer scared, but still a little embarrassed. “Uh, yeah… You’re a strange one, you know that?”

“Well you know what they say,” Takemi said. “Birds of a feather flock together.”

“Right,” Ren said. “Anyways, thank you.”

“Don’t sweat it,” Takemi said. “I’ll see you around.”

“Seeya” Ren said, smiling. She left and headed back to Le Blanc.

As she was getting ready for bed, she got a message. She checked to see that it was from Yoshizawa.

Kasumi: Um, Hi senpai.

Kasumi: I’m sorry I scared you like that.

Ren: Don’t worry about it.

Ren: I just hope you’re getting better.

Kasumi: I’ll be coming back to school tomorrow.

Ren: That’s good to hear.

Kasumi: …

Kasumi: Listen.

Kasumi: When we see each other, there’s something we need to discuss.

Ren: We can discuss it now if you want.

Ren: I don’t mind.

Kasumi: No.

Kasumi: This needs to be done in person.

Ren: OK.

Ren: We’ll talk about whatever you want.

Kasumi: Thanks.

Ren: See you at school tomorrow.

Kasumi: See ya.

Ren laid down on her bed. “Can you believe it?”

Morgana nodded. “I’m glad she’s feeling better.”

“Yeah,” Ren said. She stared wistfully into her phone. Morgana saw this and pouted a little. “Well, good night.”

Morgana was taken by surprise. “Huh? Oh yeah. Good night.” The two of them fell asleep.

The next day at school, Ren looked for Yoshizawa whenever she had the opportunity. “This is weird. She did say she wanted to meet with you” Morgana said.

“Yeah,” Ren said. “And she seemed pretty serious about it too.” She continued looking. She glanced around and saw something that caught her attention. It was Yoshizawa, yes, but it was Yoshizawa as Ren saw her in her dream when the clock struck midnight. Hair down wearing glasses. “I don’t believe it.”

Meanwhile, Sumire was agonizing all day. Why did I come back? Everyone’s looking at me weird again.

“Kasumi!”

I mean, it’s not like they weren’t doing it before. It’s just I had her confidence back then.

“Kasumi!”

Maybe I should have stayed home a little more.

“Kasumi!”

No! I can’t keep running. I need to go on. Even if it is hard. I just wish I knew how.

“Kasumi!” A hand was placed on Sumire’s shoulder. She looked up to see Ren. She was slightly embarrassed. “Kasumi. How are you doing? You wanted to talk?”

[musicalidiotthe3rd]

A bit of a rant, more of a concerned fan asking other fans to look at their behavior.

Before you read this, please bear in mind that I do not think these musicals are terrible, or the actors are untalented, or that anyone in the fandoms are terrible people. This is simply about something that has bugged me for a while and I’d like to bring to the attention of people.

I have loved musical theater from the moment I watched Idina and Kristin as Elphaba and Glinda from the computer screen at my grandmothers house. Since then I have inhaled Broadway like it was crack and I was an addict; my mind was full of POTO, Wicked, Sound of Music, Annie, Les Mis, White Christmas, Hello Dolly, Funny Girl, Mary Poppins, Cinderella and so much more. I fell in love with the storylines and the harmonies and especially the characters. I loved them so much I tried to emulate them; I drew them, I wrote about them, I fawned over them. But I also understood something vital that many people now tend to forget; my heroes on stage were not perfect.

Glinda wasn’t totally good, she sold out Elphaba for fame. Annie wasn’t a saint, she could be annoying and stubborn. Mary Poppins wasn’t a flawless woman, she could be stuck up and arrogant. Cinderella wasn’t totally a bean, she lay down and allowed her sisters to walk over her. Characters are people, they have flaws and dark sides and quirks that are not meant to be ignored, but to humanize the powerful and to open them up to be relatable to the audience.

Who would want to be so perfect, no one could ever stand to be around you? Who could ever relate to someone who could do no wrong? Who would want to be seen by everyone as a small child in need of constant protection? Nobody. To be held on such a pedestal or viewed as such a child holds stress and anger over the image you must keep and the chains you can never break.

And yet, that is what Broadway Fans, more specifically, new Broadway Fans have done. When I say New Broadway, I’m really referring to fans of musicals like DEH, BMC, Heathers, Hamilton (though my thoughts on Hamilton will be discussed in a later paragraph), and Mean Girls. These fandoms are notorious for many things, but the one I’m talking about today as you can guess, is glorify and deify characters.

Take for example, Evan Hansen. Many people in the fandom paint him as a smol uwu cinnamon roll who made one tiny mistake bUT LoOk hE JuSt wAnTEd tO hELp, or He GoT ScAreD, or hE diDnT mEaN tO hurT eVeRyOnE. Let’s dismantle that. One, Evan Hansen is not a childish, beanie, naive character. He very clearly understands what he is doing, and he knows what he’s doing isn’t right. Two, anxiety does not make someone a bean. It does not make them cute. It does not make them a child. Stop romanticizing Evan’s anxiety now. Three, he is manipulative. Don’t fight me on that, it is very clear and very not ok.

Then Heather M. She is often made to be a bean, portrayed as sensitive, fawned over as the kind one. First, she is not a bean. She is as harsh and cold as any of the Heathers. Second, depression and anxiety doesn’t a sensitive child make. No, her character is not a sensitive soul, she is a bitch with mental disorders all of us have witnessed or experienced. Third, she is not kind, she is cruel. She set Veronica up to be raped.

Our last example, Michael. I’m not going to be elaborate here, instead I’m going to get to the point. Michael having a panic attack in the bathroom doesn’t make him cute or smol or a bb. It makes him a stoner that is carefree and loud and supportive that has anxiety. Period.

One aspect of a character does not define them. To do so erases their relatability, their message, and their meaning. It vilifies characters that shouldn’t be vilified. I’ve seen so many people call Jared a dick or a douche for turning on Evan, seen people hate on Jeremy on account of Michael, seen people ignore Heather Duke’s pain and humanity in favor of Heather Mac. But that’s not the point these characters are trying to make.

Heather Mac serves as a reminder even cruel people can be hurting, everyone hurts. Evan Hansen is a lesson, you can’t undo what you did, and you damn well should not use someone’s pain for your own gain. Michael Mell is a glimpse at how someone’s actions can hurt others, with or without meaning to. To take these characters and define them with only one instance or trait is to ignore why they are the way they are, and not only is it ignorant to do, but it’s really annoying. And when someone romanticizes anxiety, or depression, it can be harmful, as then people start to think it’s cool or a minor inconvenience or even what defines people.

Then these new, deified characters are taken and eaten up by the masses, and people form unhealthy attachments or become extremely protective of them. They protect the idealized version, worship it and go to war if someone dares to challenge that. It’s not healthy.

Now I said I’d speak about Hamilton. Hamilton is almost an exception. It’s characters are difficult to take and make perfectly good or perfectly bad, and most people do recognize that Burr isn’t actually always a dick and Hamilton wasn’t the ideal husband or person. But still some people do tend to put the characters into boxes, and that also defeats the story Hamilton is telling you. None of these characters were heroes or villains. They were people. They were complex. They were walking oxymoronic statements. To put them in a box is to erase half the character.

In conclusion, the romanticization or in some cases vilification of characters in the mainstream musicals is not only annoying, but ignorant and unhealthy.

Thank you for reading and if you have any questions or concerns or comments, please reach out.

[lix-family]

Evil.....

The hallways are the kind of structure that, depending of where and how are, can say a lot about the whole building, about for what was designed, because while the outside of a building can tell you many things, is the inside what hold more secrets, and can even tell about the previous inhabitants of many places, changing with every place

But to the prisons, they always follow a path, and in this particular place, they were deadly silent, not even the guards with their steps dare to challange the silence, while the inhabitants whisper with what, even the more young of the guards, could hear, fear.

A new prisoner was brought, and there was already some rumors around it.

Eldrigo did not like rumors.

Maybe for that he had the good ( or bad) luck of find himself in a cell almost completely empty, except for himself and the new prisoner.

Lix Le Shade, the Rainbow Mercenary.

But being honest, Eldrigo was expecting something..... more, she not was tall, or threatening, or anything, she was just there, seated in silence in the same dumb gree clothes than him, but in a very more small size.

Even so, Eldrigo could not do more than swallow his own saliva with a little of difficulty, exposing to himself how dry his body was feeling.

Eldrigo did not liked rumors, but that does not mean that they could not put him a little more nervous than usual. Even more taking in count of who was the rumors, and of what...

Rumors about infinite evilness in every act of the Dragon Girl, rumors about abilities beyond anyone of them, rumors about dark armies leaded by her fury, and even more crazy ones, talking about her connections with people like....

Eldrigo feel a shiver across his body, but hide it the better he could, looking at his only companion on that big cell.

Again... she looked little, weak... even a little... cute?

It needed to be a fool to believe that the apparence can count in a thing like how much evil can someone make, but somehow, the little note about her apparence make Eldrigo feel less nervous.

Maybe Eldrigo could not trust his abilities to get out of there alive, but very well he could at least try to gives her a good impression, and for that maybe, just maybe, he could get across the night and live another day.

Eldrigo seat next to the his companion, that did not even bother in turn his eyes of the wall, like it was a very interesting TV show.

“Good”, thought Eldrigo, he did not was sure if he could have manage to look at her eyes, the rumors also say that her eyes were so Red, like you could see your own blood in them.

“ i have make a lot of bad things” start to tell Eldrigo, making his voice more deep, trusting in his big heigh, muscles and weight to make himself look bigger, sound bigger “ i have face the more horrendous assasins, and i killed them, i have bean a burglar in many places before they catch me, and even make 2 cities burn until become ashes at the same time.......” Eldrigo moves his eyes slowly to his companion, that again, was not even looking at him “ what did you do to get in here?”

Lix Le Shade, for the first time, shows a little of attention to Eldrigo, almost making him regret about his question, but so fast like it was showed, it disappeared, instead she just keep looking the wall.

“ i manage to infect their communications system...” Lix points with a finger to a place, when Eldrigo move his head, he discover that the Guard could only been seen since certain position.... the position Lix was using.

“uh”

“... and i make it play the song “ Despacito” over and over again... they still have not figure out how to turn it off” Lix Le Shade stop of talking after that.

Eldrigo stay in silence for a couple of moment, his mind, body and souls agree almost immediately, but was necessary handle the enough willpower.

Slowly, Eldrigo stand up of his seat and walked to the edge of the cell, facing the bars while his hand grab them with all the force his body could let him use, and finally, take the deepest breath he would take in all his life.

“GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Eldrigo screamed since deep inside of his lungs, his scream filled the whole prison and did not make more than scare the others residents....

But Eldrigo did not care about that “ GUAAAAARD!! GUAAARD! GUARD! GET ME OUT OF HERE! GUARD! PLEASE! SHE IS EVIL! EEEEEVIIIL!! LET ME GET OUT OF HERE!!!” Eldrigo screamed with every cell of his body, a deep shiver affecting even his bones, screaming to get out of that evil presence, not daring to turn back and look at her.

Because, without him to know, Lix Le Shade, the RainBow Mercenary, was slowly making a smile..... She really loved her job.

[fetishmael]

loftee coffee part 2 fanfic

Summary: Apostasia the socially awkward gargoyle returns in all his pink bunny umbrella glory. Executor isn’t sure if he likes this or not.

Pairing: AP x  LE

Executor very much wants to say that he’s surprised when Apostasia returns the next night, some hours after closing time as usual, but he can't, and nor can he deny that a part of him was hoping to see the other man again as well.

He’s locked the door this time, so Apostasia stands outside of the shop, thankfully dry on this clear night this time, clutching Executor’s pink bunny umbrella in his hands as he waits, or rather, expects to be let in. Executor briefly considers leaving him outside, but, upon seeing the look on Apostasia’s face, which was somehow reminiscent of that of a very large and sad dog, decides to fish out the keys.

Before he can ask exactly what Apostasia is doing back here, the other holds the umbrella out to him, tilting his head in a way that Executor interprets as a gesture of supplication. Apostasia is trying to return this most definitely unwanted pink bunny umbrella to him.

“Uh, I don’t want it...you can keep it, really!” Executor tries to push the umbrella back to Apostasia, but the man is both taller and evidently, much stronger than he is, and is quite adamant about giving him the cursed object. “I have other umbrellas anyway, and it’s not even raining today!”

“No,” Apostasia insists. “Bunnies belong with other bunnies.”

What?

Executor pulls away, self-consciously tucking his two longer strands of hair behind his ears and curses himself for not cutting them off when he’d had the mind to. He knows that he’s blushing, as well, and he hates it, and why did everyone have to say that his hair reminded them of stupid rabbits?

“But I like them…” Apostasia mumbles, reaching out and erasing Executor’s failed attempt to change his hairstyle, his fingers lingering in his hair for a bit too long and it is a true testament to the fact that something is definitely wrong here when Executor finds himself unable, or unwilling to stop him.

“W-well, I don’t! They make me look weird, and I was planning to cut them off anyway…” Executor looks away, folding his arms across his chest, oddly missing the warmth of Apostasia’s hand on his head. He really doesn't have time for this, anyways. His final exams are coming up in less than a month and the amount of information Executor has in his head about his schoolwork is about the same as the amount of common sense Apostasia must own.

“Anyway! I have stuff to do, so if you just came to give back the umbrella that I don't want, then you can go.”

Apostasia nods slowly, as if processing his words, before turning away and going to make himself comfortable at the same table they’d sat at yesterday. He settles himself in the seat, placing the bunny umbrella and two single dollar bills on the table before looking up at Executor patiently.

“Fine, fine.., “ he grumbles. “You know, you should really stop drinking coffee so late. You’ve probably already screwed up your sleeping schedule beyond repair…” But he makes the drink anyway, the same dark-black coffee Apostasia had seemed to enjoy last time, and finds himself sitting at the table again with the other.

Apostasia stares into his cup, swirling the liquid around with one of the cheap plastic coffee stirrers. “I don’t like to sleep…so this is good…”

“Well...you’re a weird one. You don’t like sleeping?” Between his classes and his job, Executor would quite literally kill a man, preferably the man beside him that did not enjoy sleeping, for a single extra hour in bed.

Apostasia shakes his head more stubbornly, the expression on his face settling into something more like a pout and Executor forces himself to look away and ignore whatever sort of foreign feeling was uncomfortably making itself known in the bottom of his stomach.

“No...I don’t like it when I have dreams...”

He frowns at his coffee with some of the most emotion Executor has seen on his face before drinking some of it, his hands wrapped around the cup like a drowning man to his lifeline.

“Oh. Sorry,” Executor apologizes stiffly, before realizing that he has actually apologized, something he rarely does to people. “S-so...you’re staying here again, then? Because...I have stuff to do.”

“Stuff…?”

Apostasia seems genuinely interested, tilting his head curiously as he plays with his coffee, poking the bubbles with his plastic stirrer, and Executor finds himself involuntarily answering him, rather than brushing him off as he’d like to do.

“Like...I’m still in school, you know! I have a life outside of what you see here. And I need to do this…um, I’ll be back.”

Executor awkwardly shuffles away to where he’d stuffed his backpack behind the coffee bean containers, pulling out his greatest foe--the dreaded and despised Calculus homework that also happened to be a few days late.

When he returns, Apostasia is on his phone again, similar to the previous night, but this time, Executor can actually see what’s on his screen, and, quite frankly, the result does not surprise him.

“Rabbit videos,” he remarks plainly, setting his homework papers and textbook down on the table.

Apostasia nods. “Bunnies are nicer than sleep.”

Executor isn’t too sure how to respond to this comment, and instead buries himself in his work, figuring that he has about three or four hours to finish it before he passes out and that Apostasia should be content with watching his bunny videos until then.

It isn’t until he runs into a particularly despicable problem filled with variables that he’s sure aren’t even letters in the alphabet that he realizes that he’s become Apostasia’s new source of entertainment, as the man has been watching him the other time.

Apostasia stares at his paper blankly, before slowly moving himself closer to Executor, until he’s practically squishing Executor into the wall with his own body. While this particular night and this particular man made Executor do things he would normally never do, there was still a line, no matter how thin and tiny it may have been, and Apostasia had essentially crossed it by a mile.

He’s about to shove the other away, either verbally or physically, but Apostasia simply takes the pencil from his hand and scribbles a lone number underneath the question he’d been trying to solve for the past thirty minutes. Executor takes his paper back, examining the answer a bit too closely, and to his mingled horror and amazement, the answer is actually correct.

“What.”

He turns to look at Apostasia, ready to demand an answer, but the motion makes him realize the sudden closeness of Apostasia’s face to his own and flusters him into silence. Apostasia blinks his dull green eyes rather owlishly at him, before patting his head in what Executor interprets as a gesture of pity.

“I-I’m not stupid, okay!” He protests, feeling rather stupid.

“No. You’re nice.”

The comment renders Executor quite speechless for a moment, and Apostasia takes the opportunity to shift away from him again. Oddly enough, Executor finds himself missing the gentle weight of Apostasia’s body against his own.

“H-hey, wait! I, like...need more help,” he latches onto Apostasia’s collar, feeling his face burn as the man looks at him in confusion. “So, like...come back here.”

Apostasia actually obeys him, his expression lightening into something that seems almost happy. “Should I...explain it?”

After a night of being called a bunny and being practically snuggled by a man he’d met the day before, Executor’s pride is essentially at an all time low, and he is in dire need of help on this worksheet. Also, a part of him very much likes the sound of Apostasia’s voice, and with how little the man usually spoke, this seemed to be rare opportunity to hear more of it.

“U-Um...yeah. If you can.”

Apostasia is a surprisingly skilled and patient teacher, but Executor has to admit that he is a terrible student, as he finds himself more focused on the sound of Apostasia’s voice and the feel of the other’s chest pressed up against him than on what Apostasia is actually trying to say, and in the end, he thinks that the other man eventually gives up and simply starts writing the answers with their work down.

“Read this later,” he says, before handing the pencil back to Executor. “You can do the rest…”

Executor examines the rest of the pages left in his homework and discovers that Apostasia is right--the problems are essentially the same as the ones Apostasia had shown him how to do. He decides to do them tomorrow, as a quick check of his phone reveals that it’s practically an hour past midnight, and he really wants nothing more than to lie in his own bed and sleep.

Executor turns to thank Apostasia, and to also kick him out of the shop so that he could go home, but Apostasia is actually asleep himself, his head resting on his arms and a peaceful expression on his face. He reaches out to shake him awake at first, but his hand stops as he suddenly remembers the “dreams” Apostasia claimed to dislike. The other man always seemed so unresponsive and emotionless, and Executor finds himself wondering how much Apostasia actually slept.

“You sure are sleeping peacefully now...so much for those ‘bad dreams’ you claimed to have,” Executor mutters, but it's not as much of a complaint as he’d like it to be, and he finds his hand moving from Apostasia’s shoulder to the top of his head. Apostasia’s absurdly long hair is softer than he thought it would be.

Executor settles himself back in his chair, flipping to a new page of the book to copy problems off of, occasionally turning his attention to the sleeping man beside him whenever Apostasia shifted in his sleep or mumbled something incoherent about bunnies or whatever.

He didn’t mind staying up that much, anyway.

Later, in the morning, Executor wakes, unsure of when he’d even fallen asleep in the first place, to find himself lying on the hideous green and gray couch that Erblu had bought and placed in his store in a delusional decorating frenzy, a coat that is too large to be his covering him like a blanket.

The room is empty, the coffee cups from the night before have been discarded, and Executor’s books have been neatly stacked on one of the glass tables near the couch.

As he sits up, the coat falls away from his shoulders, and Executor holds it up to examine it closer, its color and size confirming his suspicion that it was, indeed Apostasia’s, but the other man, along with Executor’s pink bunny umbrella is gone.

He’d return it to Apostasia the next time he came, whenever that was.

Executor begins to gently fold the large coat in order to fit it into his backpack, but as he does so, a scrap of paper falls out of one of the pockets, and despite himself, Executor’s curiosity leads him to reach down and unfold it.

The handwriting is the same as the one plastered all over his math homework, and it’s nothing more than a string of numbers, as well, but the sight of it makes him feel like he’d just drank the hottest coffee in Erblu’s store--oddly and pleasantly warm inside.

He haphazardly shoves most of his papers into his backpack with little care, but carefully tucks Apostasia’s phone number into his own pocket and makes his way outside. As he steps outside the door and locks it until Erblu can return to take over, he feels the beginnings of what is probably going to be a light rain shower against his skin.

Maybe he did need his umbrella back, after all.

[studytothehd]

Studyblr asks

I was tagged by @vceandtea, thanks zoe! 1. How long have you had your studyblr? About a year and a half, I think 2. Why did you decide to make your studyblr? Studying had become a chore, I was in real need of inspiration, motivation and a positive influence 3. Do you have any other blogs besides your studyblr? Yup, my main personal blog, @les-hamiltables . If you're looking for a mixture of art, activism, fandom and memes, you've found the blog for you 4. How did you venture into the studyblr community? I don't really remember, I just saw some posts and decided to get in on the action 5. Did you have good study habits before making this blog? Yeah, they havent really changed all that much to be honest 6. Have you made any friends through your studyblr? One or two, I think 7. What do you think about the studyblr community? I think it's great, really supportive and positive. The 'aesthetic' can be annoying but I also kind of don't really care. I'm in it for the tips and solidarity, not for the pens 8. Do you do your homework as soon as you get home or late at night? Both. Just, always studying (I have no life) 9. What is your favorite stationery? I love things for desk organisation! Like magazine files and stuff, even though there's not enough room on my desk for them :( but also notebooks and pens and STICKY NOTES 10. What is your favorite piece of stationery you own? Hmm I really like my Staedler (?) fineliners, as well as my sticky note collection 11. What kinds of pens do you prefer? Anything that lets me write quickly and without smudging, preferably black and quite fine-tipped 12. Favorite book you’ve read for school? The Great Gatsby or Macbeth 13. Favorite studying apps? Um I don't know... Forest is pretty cute I guess? I do recommend the chrome extension Tab for a Cause - for every new tab you open, you earn a heart which translates into money you can donate to a charity. It's not exactly study related but it's a really great extension 14. What advice about studying changed your life? Work as hard as you can, but not at the expense of your physical, mental or emotional wellbeing 15. What quote has impacted you the most? "Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?" - Hamlet 16. What do you do when you’re feeling unmotivated? I take a break and make a cup of tea le go for a walk. If I'm really not getting any work done afterwards, I stop, because there's no use trying to work when you're just wasting time. But that doesn't happen too often! 17 Have you ever felt not good enough? Yeah... but I'm working on some positivity! 18. What is your organization system for school? Well usually I have a binder for each subject divided into topics, with the topic outline, notes, exercises, summary and assessment inside. But this year I'm trying something a little different, using just loose leaf paper for notes and work, and only one binder across the five subjects that I'll empty after each topic 19. How has having this blog changed you? I feel accountable to someone now, like if I'm not studying I'm letting down not just myself, but also people here 20. Do any of your friends from school know you have a studyblr? One or two, I think 21. What is your dream job? I have no clue... I'd love to work at the UN as a humanitarian worker, or perhaps with a non profit like Médecins san frontières. Or even a lawyer for people who wouldn't normally be able to access legal support, or perhaps an LGBT+ inclusive sex educator. Lots of things hahaha 22. How do you bounce back from a bad grade? I grouch and sulk a bit. But then move on, because in the end it was one test or exam and i know that doesn't define my whole academic life 23. Biggest academic achievement? I've gotten a couple of my school's academic awards, and also a raw 40 for methods this year which I was absolutely thrilled about 24. Do you keep a bullet journal? I Yup, sure do! 25. What was the last entry in it? I think it was a list of what to pack for the holiday I'm currently on 26. What is your favorite subject? Legal studies! 27. What is your least favorite subject? I don't know, I can usually study anything if I put my mind to it. I hated music though omg, I was so terrible and had so much stage-fright 28. Are you athletic? My sporting talents start and end with yoga, so no, not at all 29. What colleges are you looking at? Any that offer a Bachelor of I Don't Want to Make Life Decisions at 17 30. Are you interested in the arts? Which ones? I freaking love musical theatre but I am an untalented bean so am destined to be audience only. Also I can't afford theatre tickets why the hell are they so expensive 31. What majors are you thinking about? Crying 32. What extracurricular activities do you take part in? Debating, various sports (volleyball, softball), future problem solving, choir, Amnesty, our GSA 33. Do you need coffee to study? Nope, but I do need tea! 34. Do you pull all-nighters often? Nah I like sleeping too much 35. Do you drink energy drinks? Nah 36. Who has been a role model for you in your academic life? One of my friends, and also my English and history teacher in year 10 37. Do you have a favorite professor? I definitely used to, but I'm not sure anymore 38. Do you prefer to study with or without music? It depends... if I'm doing homework, I like music, but if I'm revising then I don't 39. Do you prefer to study alone or with friends?Deepnds who, but usually alone 40. What is your ideal way of learning? I don't know... I like to rewrite and summaries material, but I also have to hear it taught as well 41. Do you do well with lectures? Hm I prefer a more interactive style class 42. What is your note-taking strategy? A mix between Cornell style and Linear 43. Do you like giving presentations in class? Yeah, they're alright 44. How do you feel about group projects? I hate them 45. Have you ever lost a friend because of something academic? Nope 46. What are some changes you would make in your school? Bigger emphasis on the Arts and languages 47. Are you friends with any of the staff at your school? Not really friends, but I would say I'm familiar with several 48. Do you go to the library to study often? Omg the school library, during spares 49. Do you usually do your research online or from a book? Online! There are so many more resources. But I do research from books as well, particularly for history 50. Are you taking the SAT or ACT soon? Nope, we don’t have it in Australia 51. What SAT subject tests have you taken? None 52. What APs have you taken? (+ scores if you’re comfortable) N/A 53. Are your notes usually color coded? If it's necessary 54. Does the Pomodoro technique work for you? If I'm feeling unmotivated 55. How do you feel about highlighting? Only for when I'm rewriting/summarizing notes 56. Do you read your textbooks? How often? Depends on the subject, but usually just as we go along in class and in review 57. How good are you at aesthetic shots of your studying? Not very! My desk is always pretty messy and i struggle to find good lighting 58. How do you feel about school dress codes? My school has a uniform with really strict rules. I like the uniform, but all of the rules are extremely annoying 59. Is your locker organized? For the first week of school 60. Do you use loose leaf paper or notebooks for notes? Loose leaf 61. Do you prefer to learn by yourself or through an instructor? Definitely through an instructor 62. What languages do you know? English is my first language, and I'm okay at French 63. How often do you ask for extra help from a teacher? Not very often, even though I should 64. Do you consider yourself responsible? Averagely so, I guess. I'm responsible for myself, but no one else really depends on me for anything 65. How do you keep track of important deadlines/events? My billet journal and calendar 66. Do you go out often during the weekdays? I 'go out' to yoga with one of my friends, and starting soon to the gym with some others. Um, but that's all. 67. How do you balance social life with school life? I fail at that. I try to be social once or twice a month but... yeah that fails. 68. Do you have a tutor for any subjects? Nah 69. Do you always do your homework? Even if it’s not due? Yeah usually 70. Do you use your school planner? Nope, my bullet journal instead 71. How do you file your papers at home? I have a folder split into 'personal documents', 'urgent documents', 'documents to file' and 'other' 72. Do you use binders or accordion folders? Binders 73. Has a relationship ever distracted you from school? A little bit, but nothing drastic 74. What’s a mistake you’ll never make again in school? Assuming that I'm naturally good at school. That backfired. 75. Do you do extra work for classes? Extra work? I don't really understand the question, but I usually go above and beyond before tests and things. Especially in 3/4 methods last year! 76. Do you feel like you have a teacher to ask for recommendations? Yeah, a couple 77. Do you prefer top or bottom lockers? Bottom 78. Do you get lockers by your friends? All of the year level is in one room, so while I'm not next to my friends, they're all nearby 79. Do you prefer having classes with or without your friends? It depends who. I love my friends, but some of them can be really distracting! 80. Do you consider yourself just smart or hard working? Definitely hard working 81. Does your school have uniforms? Yep 82. Do you wear make up to school? I don't generally wear much makeup, but I do if I feel like it. Though for me, that's mascara, tinted moisturizer and maybe lip balm, nothing heavy 83. Do you have enough time to dress up in the mornings? I mean there's not much you can do to my uniform... 84. What is your favorite breakfast food before school? I like making a mango, banana and passion fruit smoothie to drink on the train to school 85. Do you take the bus or car to school? The train! 86. Do you always write important things down? Yep, I always have a pen with me so it goes straight in my bullet journal or on my hand 87. How many alarms do you have in the morning? Two on my phone, and then my dad of my light is still off 88. Do you prefer studying in the morning or in the evening/night? Definitely the evening/night during the week, but the mornings on the weekends 89. Do you prefer having your hardest class first or last? Neither? Just in between haha 90. What is your school’s schedule? 8:30-3:25, with 55 minute classes, and a 20 minute recess and 55 minute lunch 91. Do you tend to skip out on parties or hang outs to study? Only if I didn't want to go in the first place 92. Do you legitimately enjoy studying? Depends on the subject, but usually I do! 93. What is your favorite topic to study? History or law 94. What is your favorite way to study? Practice questions or summarizing notes 95. Do you study in your bed? Nope 96. How do you feel about sororities? We don't have them in Australia 97. What is your rooming preference for college? I will probably end up living at home during uni, but in a dream world I'd love to live in an apartment bike riding distance to uni, with one or two other people 98. Does your desk face a window or a wall? A wall, with the window right next to it 99. Do you prefer natural or artificial lighting when studying? Natural 100. Do you use flashcards often? Not really, I find that linking information together and learning it is more useful than just memorizing individual parts. 101.What’s the highest grade you’ve gotten on an assignment you BSed? Every history assignment last year, oh my god. I got full marks throughout the year except for one exam (where I got 99%) and I barely studied and didn't deserve any of the marks 102. Some of your favorite studyblrs? @vceandtea @arielsstudies @vcestudyblog @theoverstuffedpencilcase Just any vce blogs tbh 103. Do you consider yourself lazy? A little 104. Are you a slut for stationery? yeah 3 things you like about school - Learning, the people and friendships, the opportunities and co-curriculars 3 things you dislike about school The pressure, the emphasis on STEM, the uniform rules Thanks for the questions zo! I can't actually be bothered tagging anyone, just do this is if you want to :)

[bluebookweb]

MRM Talking With: ACF’s 2017 Certified Master Chefs®

The title of Certified Master Chef (CMC), presented solely by the American Culinary Federation (ACF) in the U.S., is the highest level of certification a chef can receive and represents the pinnacle of professionalism and skill.

Today, there are 68 CMCs and 10 Certified Master Pastry Chefs® (CMPC) in the nation. To apply for the CMC exam, a candidate must be a Certified Executive Chef® or Certified Culinary Educator®, provide two letters of recommendation from current CMCs or CMPCs, and have completed education courses on sanitation and food safety, cost management, management and wine. The candidate must also secure funding for the cost of the exam process including the exam fee, travel expenses and practice materials.

The 2017 American Culinary Federation Certified Master Chefs are Gerald Ford, CMC; Joseph Leonardi, CMC; and Shawn Loving, CMC, CCA.

Gerald Ford, CEC®, is executive sous chef at The Everglades Club in Palm Beach, Florida. He is the winner of the Les Amis d’Escoffier competition in New York City. He earned the opportunity to work at Moulin de Mougins, a three-star Michelin restaurant in Mougins, France. He set out on his culinary journey opening the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in New York City and became executive chef of Château Robert in Montgaillard, France. Ford competes in both hot- and cold-food competitions, and is a gold medalist ice sculptor.

Joseph Leonardi, CEC®, is director of culinary operations at The Country Club in Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts. In 2009, he earned the title of U.S.A.’s Chef of the Year™ at Cook. Craft. Create. ACF National Convention & Show. Previously, Leonardi managed ACF Culinary Team USA 2016. In 2012, he served as captain of ACF Culinary National Team USA, earning a silver medal in the hot-food kitchen and a silver medal in the cold-food presentation at the 23rd Internationale Kochkunst Ausstellung International Culinary Exhibition, commonly known as the “culinary Olympics,” in Erfurt, Germany.

Shawn Loving, CEC®, CCA®, is Culinary Arts department chair and full time faculty at Schoolcraft College in Livonia, Michigan.  He has worked as executive chef for the U.S. men and women’s Olympic basketball teams in Beijing, China, and Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.  In addition, he was an executive chef for the 2010 FIBA World Championships in Istanbul and the 2014 World Championships in Madrid, Spain.  As a seasoned competitor, he is the recipient of numerous awards and medals from the American Culinary Federation, and was a member of the Michigan Culinary Olympic Team in 2012.

During the eight-day exam, candidates must maintain an average score of 75 out of 100 points to be eligible to continue. Scores are tallied based on kitchen skills, plate presentation and taste. Candidates are tested on the following subjects by ACF-certified chefs:

Healthy cooking

Buffet catering

Classical cuisine

Freestyle cooking

Global cuisine

Baking and pastry

Continental and Northern Europe cuisines

Market basket

In this edition of MRM “Talking With,” the newly certified chefs discuss the challenges they faced and why they felt this pursuit was important to them. 

 Why did you want to pursue the American Culinary Federation’s Certified Master Chef® (CMC®) certification?

 Gerald Ford: I once watched a CMC prepare a roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans and pan gravy, and the resulting meal was better than anything I’d ever had. That was at a point where I knew I loved cooking, and I realized that my passion could become my profession as well. That was why I became a cook. Working to accomplish that goal, that level of excellence, has consistently provided me with some of the deepest learning experiences and largest periods of growth through my career. The ACF CMC certification sets a standard, and it gave me a tangible path to pursue.

 Joseph Leonardi: It was all about a personal goal I set for myself about 15 years ago. I had accomplished great things in my career and in my personal life, but I was never satisfied. I needed to test my skills in the most notable culinary exam in the United States, some say in the world—the Certified Master Chef exam. I wanted to be recognized as someone who worked hard throughout his or her career, worked their way to the top, and that is what I did.

 Shawn Loving: Throughout my 30-year career, I have always desired to put myself in a position to present to the best in the industry. I knew that if I pursued this certification, with all that it involves, there was no way that it would not enhance my overall craftsmanship as a chef. It was also essential for me to set an example of perseverance through the pursuit of excellence for future generations of cooks.

 How did you prepare?

 Gerald Ford: I started preparing for the exam 15 years ago. Working for CMCs, apprenticing for the exam, watching an exam, interacting with Certified Master Chefs and developing really high-level habits were great ways to begin. For five months ahead of the 2017 exam, I spent 50 hours a week practicing and preparing. In order to put myself in the best physical condition, I exercised six days a week. As for the mental aspect, I meditated, listened to really hard metal music and ran myself into the ground every chance I got.

 Joseph Leonardi: I cooked, cooked every day that I was at work, and if I didn’t cook, I made sure I read or worked on a skill. So to be honest with you, I didn’t change my routine in many ways—this is what I do every day. That is what this exam is, a cooking exam. 

Physically, about a year ahead of the exam, I changed my way of eating and started an exercise routine.  This was to help build endurance and, of course, shed some pounds. It is important to not only be physically fit to take the exam, but also to be mentally fit. Something is going to go wrong in the kitchens, most likely more than once, and you need to be able to talk yourself through it. 

 Shawn Loving: I prepared with a deeply rooted self-discipline, focusing on both physical and mental elements. This test requires an endurance much more complex than cooking calls for alone. Time spent at the gym early in the morning before work, long research and development sessions winnowing down details of recipes, timed sessions after my typical work day—these were just some of the tools that I employed to get myself into shape. By keeping to these daily habits, I did not allow myself to veer from my goal. When something did not turn out quite right, I would refocus and reevaluate, holding myself accountable while keeping my sights on the end of the journey.

Why do you feel this is important for your culinary career?

 Gerald Ford: I feel that reaching for greatness is about a process, developing great habits and then keeping to consistent action. Successful completion of the exam reinforces my belief and my confidence in what I do every day, and in the standards I hold my team to.

 Joseph Leonardi: I personally chose a certification route to serve as a validation of my skills in my career. I looked at it as a stepping stone as I grew professionally. Employers look to certified chefs for leadership, expertise and dedication to the industry, and because I believe in those standards, I felt it would be important to become certified. Young cooks also see you striving for your goals and working hard toward something good. It makes you a better chef and mentor to these young culinarians.

 Shawn Loving: I was not focused on how the certification would be important for my career for personal accolades, as much as how it would encourage me to develop a continued drive toward never becoming complacent on the highest standards of my craft.  Overall, I will remain a student first. I will also remain committed to excellence and to giving back to hospitality in its many different forms. You must remain in love daily with your craft so that it does not feel like a job.

What was the exam like?

Gerald Ford: The Certified Master Chef exam was the hardest challenge I have ever ventured into; every aspect of my ability was tested, every day. There is no time to be anything other than what you are as a chef. Mentally, the test pushed me right to the edge. I think that the mental aspect is the hardest part to deal with. The test puts you in a position to question things you are normally confident in. Ultimately, though, it’s the greatest process I have ever been a part of.

 Joseph Leonardi: I have competed internationally for many years and have over 25 gold medals from the international stage. But by far, this was the hardest achievement I have earned in my professional career. Putting yourself out there, in front of some of the most recognized chefs in the USA, is simply stressful. You’re mentally, physically and emotionally challenged every day for eight days (nine cooking baskets), and you have to perform at the highest level of your abilities. You are consistently striving for excellence every day.

 Shawn Loving: The eight-day exam felt like condensing 30 years of my professional cooking and presenting it to the CMC judges for approval.  Thousands of hours and many thousands of meals were compressed and presented as my life’s work in the daily windows.  The intensity of this exam is not to be taken lightly, for example by calling it a cooking competition or by comparing it to television shows. It is most certainly at a different level.

 What was the most challenging aspect for you?

Gerald Ford: I think the most difficult thing for me was looking at each day as its own day. It became necessary to move on very quickly from the day just completed, good or bad, in order to put the focus where it was most needed. That was a real challenge for me.

 Joseph Leonardi: Before the exam, it was the anticipation of it—it felt like it took forever for the start date to arrive. Once the process began, the hardest thing was the fear of failing; I didn’t want to let my family and friends down. I would remind myself every day why I was doing this and the outcome I so badly wanted. However, making a mistake knowing that you could have performed better was mentally tough on me.  Sometimes, you are your own worst enemy, and I needed to control that throughout the exam.

 Shawn Loving: Staying strong and believing in myself was the most difficult part for me!  As I trained for the exam, I would hit a roadblock in concept or in flavor, and I would force myself to power through, to continue developing, and to not allow my mistakes to control my destiny. The mental strength needed for this test is truly something that can’t be found in any book or social media post.

What would you say to other chefs who might learn from your experience?

 Gerald Ford: I would say that there is simply no shortcut to passing the exam; don’t waste time looking for one. Spend your time cooking properly and learning from the right people. Get feedback from chefs who have passed the exam, and fail as much as you can in preparation so you don’t have to during the exam. Set the goal and stop at nothing to get there.

 Joseph Leonardi: Be true to the style of cooking that is being asked of you during the exam; don’t over complicate things. Have fun while you’re cooking and it will show in your food. Respect your apprentice; stop and think about how they feel and put yourself in their shoes. A true Master Chef will guide that apprentice throughout the day. Show confidence in your cooking ability, butchery skills and how you represent yourself in the kitchen. Pass or fail, learn from the experience, as you will come out a better chef no matter the outcome.

 Shawn Loving: I would advise them to strive for excellence, not only in cooking, but in their daily routine. It is so important to stay committed and mean it, even when you are disappointed. If you mess something up, do it again—remain hungry. I continue to stay hungry for more even now, after my success. Those who are my mentors will remain so because they were the masters before I was.

    MRM Talking With: ACF’s 2017 Certified Master Chefs® posted first on happyhourspecialsyum.blogspot.com

[daysofnikki-blog]

The next, next Sunday.

Holy SHIIIT. Two weeks? It’s been two weeks since I was on here?! Holy balls guys, do you know how much has happened since then?

So the party that Vadim took me too was full of Dungeons and Dragons nerds, but they were really cool and we got along soooo well. Vadim left me to talk to his friend and give him a Christmas present as soon as we got there, so I made friends with a guy named Igan who was cool af. When I take someone to a party, I expect them to mingle and not stay by my side; that’s why we came to a party vs staying at home alone, to hang out with other people. So I did just that. Usually I’m nervous around people I don’t know, but I was jiving with these people. Made consistent eye contact with Vadim as a sign to say we were cool. At one point we both went to go outside and he said he didn’t want to because people were smoking. I said okay, see you later, and went on outside. It was hot and I wanted to cool down. Ended up staying outside. Met the birthday boy’s sister, who works tracking loggerhead sea turtles (awesome) and got into a long chat with guy named Phil who designs dresses. He let me swipe through his designs and they are gorgeous!! He told me I could have a red one if I wanted, and I would’ve said hell yes if Vadim hadn’t come outside. He looked agitated. Asked me why I hadn’t been talking to him at all. I said I thought that we were mingling and that it wasn’t a big deal. He starts yelling at me, in front of everyone, who are now staring, watching us as he berates me for not coming inside when he didn’t want to come outside because of people smoking, “Oh could you not understand that? Really? You couldn’t understand to come inside with me, huh?” It was mortifying.

I tried to play it off. Followed him inside to the food table, where I grabbed some Doritos and listened as he still ranted (albeit quieter this time) about how he couldn’t believe I had barely talked to him at the party. It wasn’t so much what he was saying... it was the way he said it. Belitting me. When he walked away from the table the sea turtle girl was sitting there. She looked at me, shook her head, and said “Damn... I remember when I was in an abusive relationship.” Really?? That’s what we look like to people??

30 seconds later he came over and asked if we could leave.

On the car ride home he was still mad about it.

At his place he wanted to fuck. I’d have went home but I was too drunk to drive. I told him I didn’t want to fuck him with the way he had acted.

The next morning he tried to fuck me again. No.

I left. Haven’t heard from him since. Not even an apology.

The rest of the week I was so sad about it. Told Rachel from work about the situation and she said that she had been in a controlling relationship, and that it was a good thing I had gotten out of it. I’m still so disappointed. I had really liked him.

It was a 2-day workweek because of Thanksgiving. Monday at work was amazing. We had a potluck and the entire part of that building smelled fucking amazing. Ate like a champ. Drowned my feelings in calories.

When the food was done, I went to see Daniel in his office. Went in there for a hug, cause Daniel hugs me when I ask. Sometimes I need a hug. This week I needed a lot. Stayed there for an hour while we talked about his love life and he told me thanks, that he isn’t often able to open up like that. Said we’d get together the next day for drinks. The next day he cancelled.

I went to dinner with Nara at Atlantic Station instead. We were supposed to ice skate, too, but turns out she’s a little bitch with the cold lol. So when I saw the look on her face I told her we could just eat instead.

This date was was different. She wasn’t nearly as flirty. When we left she didn’t kiss me goodbye. Just went to her car. Made me feel very sad, and confused.

The next day was Thanksgiving. FML. Drove 2 hours to Elberton. When I arrived I was chilling for a minute in the car to ready myself when I heard a SLAM into my passenger side door. It was my little brother, Deuce. He had decided to fucking body slam the side of my car. What a douche. Dad was standing on the other side of my car and of course said nothing to him.

Went inside, already in a bad mood. At lunch no one asked about anything but traffic; not how work is going, not who I’m dating, not about my trips. Just traffic. I feel like there is no point in me even coming. April and Dad didn’t even invite me to her mom’s for Thanksgiving this year. They went straight there after Mama J’s; they just didn’t invite me.

Deuce kept interrupting every.fucking.thing I said to order me outside to watch him on the bicycle. I kept telling him in a minute, wondering why the hell no one is chastising this damn child for interrupting an adult constantly. Certainly would’ve happened to me when I was little. At one point he followed me into the kitchen while I threw away trash, asking again and again for me to come outside. Frustrated, I told him in a minute. He then asked, repeatedly, “Nikki why are you angry? Why are you so angry?” Only because he heard it at home, I’m sure. At the table he says really loudly, with a big smile, “That’s my sister!” with a big smile at Dad when I tell him hello, yet when Dad isn’t around he yells at me to shut up. I can’t stand that damn kid. The little girl is cool though.

Outside before leaving we finally watched them on their damn bikes. When I wasn’t giving him enough attention he rammed his bike into me before saying “Oh sorry! I’m sorry” with a big smile on his face. He knew what the fuck he was doing. Can’t stand him. He’s a little shit with no manners who going to grow up to be a big shit with problems because he never learned that the attention doesn’t have to be on him 24/7. And when he’s older and not getting positive attention, he’s going to act out for negative attention instead. He needs a damn whooping.

So I stayed for about 90 minutes, then drove to Atlanta and straight to Claire’s for Irish Thanksgiving. Which was AMAZING. The spread was beautiful, the people were nice, the accents were adorable, and the food was fucking fantastic. I love Mama J, but damn she can’t cook. These people though had turkey, lamb lollipops, ham, green beans, just everything you can imagine, and it was all perfect. And booze. Lots of delicious booze. Best Thanksgiving I’ve ever been to. After everyone left, Claire and her husband Ronan played their favorite game with guests, where we each take turns playing a song on Youtube. Funny enough I was with an English girl and and Irish man and their favorite music is old country lol. Claire has a major soft spot for Dolly Parton, so I introduced her to the duet of her and Rod Stewart singing Baby It’s Cold Outside. She loved it. They said I was the best person they’d ever played that game with. I had the best time :) Such a good time, and so much alcohol, in fact, that I stayed the night in their guest bed. Woke up and they made me breakfast cause they’re adorable.

When I left I was supposed to meet Sam (an old co-worker) for brunch. Drove out to our meeting place and he cancelled on me, so I went and got Claire a thank-you gift instead; an essential oil diffuser and oils, because she’d said she wanted one.

Saturday I can’t remember what I did.

Sunday I had another date with Brian, a lawyer I met on Bumble. He’s okay. Not fantastic, but okay. Has a cute dog. Had a decent date, not sure he’s for forever though. But I enjoy his company. We went to dinner at Anitco’s, split a bottle of wine, went ice skating at SunTrust Park, and then grabbed a beer there after. When I broke out into hives from ice skating, he ran to his car to get me some Claritin :)

Monday I met a guy named JP at Second Self Brewery for their comedy show. Holy shit was that a bad date. It was small, like twenty people in the venue, five of which were performing, and most of them talked on stage about how awkward they felt. JP came in late. When I asked him what kind of beer he liked, I told him that I had a flight if he wanted suggestions. He said “Oh okay so we’re going to share yours?” “No,” I explained. “This is MY flight. These are mine.” He laughed but I was serious. I went to sit and he got his beer. (The flight was only mini-pours.) During a few of the (obviously nervous and bombing) comedians’ sets, he said “Whomp whomp.” It was low, and under his breath, but there were only a couple dozen people there. I was mortified. Halfway through he offered me his marijuana pen. I said I smoke but didn’t want to right beside everyone. He kept pushing it. I said no. He kept pushing it. I ignored him.

After, we sat on the couch to talk a bit. I still wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. But he was a dumbass. He kept throwing names of cities in foreign countries around but had no idea what he was talking about. I’m sure he’s dated stupid girls who find mentions of foreign places attractive, but I actually know my shit. He told me that the best surfing was in Tamarindo in south Costa Rica. I countered that Tamarindo is actually in Northwest Costa Rica; was he talking about somewhere else? He said he’d gone to the best surfing locations in Europe. I asked if he’s been to Basque country in France. He said oh you mean in South of France? No, I said, it was in West France. Oh, you mean by the Mediterranean? No, west France touches the Atlantic Ocean. Long story short, he’d never heard of it, which is insane considering it’s some of the best surfing in all of Europe.

The real kicker was when he asked where I lived. I told him an approximate location because I’m not telling a guy I just met from online these three things: Where I live, where I work, or my last name. I have to trust them a bit more first before they get that info.

He continued to pester me for the exact neighborhood I lived in. I told him that I was becoming agitated at the fact that he couldn’t take no for an answer, and that I didn’t think it was going to work out. He left, I finished my beer, never spoke to him again. Good riddance.

On the way home I called Zeek, my Tuesday date, and we talked. Had the best conversation. Laughed constantly. He thought I was magical when I told him he was playing video games, because I heard the click of the controller in the background and recognized it.

Tuesday I had a date with Zeek (real name Zlatan, nickname is Zeek) at 3 Sheets. It was my suggestion, but turns out he used to DJ there often and knew everyone working there. They seem to like him, which is always a good sign :) Some ups and downs in the date. Mostly up. One down. We were talking about something… Crazy girls, maybe? And how all people live up to their names. And he said that, “all crazy girls are named like Nikki. Or Carol.” Record scratch. Those are my names. I keep a fake smile while thinking about the fact that he told me he got his job in cybersecurity from hacking people. That he hacked into this ex-girlfriend’s shit to find out she was actually a Playmate. I’m freaking out a bit at this point, and he can tell. He tells me that my name showed up when I called, which doesn’t make sense because when anyone calls ME it just shows up as a random number. He then said he had found me on Facebook with my name. Now I’m really sketched out because I know it is set to where strangers can’t look me up. And he can tell this is going south, quick. But I changed the conversation, we talked more; he seemed like a cool guy, we’d had a good conversation the night before, and I was enjoying our night together. We had five drinks each, for goodness sake. At the end of the night we made out for forty minutes outside the door like a couple of teenagers. His lips are soft and sweet and I loved kissing him.

Wednesday I started the evening with an Escape the Room game with a friend from high school, his girlfriend, and her friends from work. We made it out just in time ;)

After that I went to see Zlatan. Loved seeing him. I told him I was hungry so he ordered me pizza and remembered my favorite toppings. Also remembered that I loved cookies and jellybeans and had those waiting on me, too. We watched Pan’s Labyrinth, which was INSANE because that was the EXACT movie I was going to recommend. Watched it. Ate. He made me a drink and got me a tray to set it on. Cuddled. Movie was good. Cuddles were good. His place is amazing, a three story townhouse, and his furniture is bitchin. No red flags, in other words. He has three cars (really nice cars) and they are his hobby, which is good to see that he actually has a life and things he enjoys outside of work. We had sex that night and it was goooood. Just as rough as I like it, and good dirty talk. When we finished we did it again. He then turned on his fan to sleep which I LOOOOVED. That is my thing.

I woke up around 2 am though and I was alone. So I walked through the house, naked, looking for him. He came out of the spare bedroom when he heard me. Said I was taking over the bed and he wasn’t used to sleeping with someone because it had been five months since he had sex. I told him I was worried and missed him. He pulled the covers over me, but went back into the spare room. The next morning he came in to wake me up for work, and I pulled him into bed to cuddle but he wanted to fuck again so that’s what we did. Then I got ready. And he walked me to the door. And I left.

It’s a shame he wants kids. I really like him.

Thursday night I went to the Laughing Skull Lounge in the Vortex with Zach from work. It was a little awkward, but fun. We ran into a guy who used to work at Jacob’s Ladder, who’d had a huge crush on me. Obviously the guy saw me, and not Zach, cause I got a text from him saying “Are you here alone?” Night ended without incident. I think I talked too much at the bar, but it’s all good :)

Friday I made my way to Greenville to go to a sorority Christmas party. They’ve invited me for five years; I felt it was time that I finally went. Realized how much I’ve grown since college, because all of them have stayed the same. Kristen, the hostess, was one of the only ones I wanted to see. She stays at home, because her husband has a cushy job with his Dad’s company. He drives a new Mercedes, she a new Escalade. They have a six bedroom, three story house. And she tells me that she feels empty inside, she has no friends, she’s never happy. Shocking, since she even said in college she was dating him for his money. She wouldn’t even go out with him until she Google Earthed his home and saw that his family has two tennis courts on their property, among other amenities of course.

Moments of Southern… narrow-mindness, we’ll say, from the night includes;

Carly makes homemade necklaces now and was bragging about how she sources the silk material. She said, “I get it sent from India. The women who make the Sahara dresses there pick up the silk scraps from the floor and send them to me, so that they use every piece of the Sahara dresses.” Everyone oohed and ahhed, and I said, “Um you mean saree dresses? Because Sahara is a desert.” and she looked at me but pretended not to hear what I said. Way to brag about something that you don’t know shit about.

Later on she mentioned that she had watched a video in her class (she’s a teacher) on the Day of the Dead and was saying, “You know what’s weird though, is that when you learn about it it’s not much different than our holidays.” Like no shit Sherlock, you’re thirty something and just realizing that? We’re here celebrating a fat man in a red suit that climbs down chimneys to leave gifts, and you’re acting like people who are remembering their passed loved ones are the crazy ones?? How has it taken you so long to realize this?

Abby, seeming to need to one-up my short recap of my month of France, talked about her trip to Epcot Center and how she had tasted food from all over the world and omg it was so great. Like first off Abby if you’ve ever been out of the country you would realize that at Epcot you are eating the American version of foreign food. In France they don’t have to pasteurize cheese, which makes it taste completely different than the cheeses we’re allowed to get in America. I’m sure there are things like that for all countries, but France is the one I’m most familiar with. Whatever. My life isn’t so lame that I need to one-up people. I let her have her moment of bliss.

I walk into the living room and hear Chelsea saying that she can’t believe all of these women are coming up with sexual allegations that are 15-20 years old. That Matt Lauer is like her best friend and that if it was such a big deal those women should have spoken up earlier. Just…. are you fucking kidding me? Do I even need to state that these women were probably under the umbrella of his authority 15-20 years ago, that they would have lost their lifelong careers at the time, that multiple accusations means he likely could even be doing it today? I didn’t, but I sure as hell needed to cause those girls are stupid.

Then everyone left and Chelsea and I stayed overnight at Kristen’s. They went on to talk about how annoying all of the other girls were and how ugly their babies are. Then on Facebook everyone posts about how much they love everyone. Once a year is plenty for all of that.

Saturday I had bottomless mimosas with Brittany and told her way too much about my life. Then I went shopping alone for my NYC trip and didn’t find shit. Drove back home. Sunday I had a cold and I’ve been in bed all day. Ordered pizza. That was the highlight.

I haven’t mentioned my NYC trip, have I? Started talking to David, a Parisian who lives in Ile de France. We hit it off SO WELL. He is kind and sexy and sweet and funny and… everything I could want. We hit it off so well that he booked me a trip to NYC to meet him. He’s flying all the way over, just for me. I feel so damn special. We’re staying at Indigo LES for the weekend and he already has breakfast, dinner, and a trip to MOMA planned :) I just have to find a gift for him now. So far I have a pair of Happy Socks, a wine stopper made of a gold “D,” and two white espresso cups that I’m going to decorate for him at Megan’s tomorrow. One I want to draw the US and France on them, with a heart on Atlanta and Paris and a dotted line connected the two. The other I want to say, “Good Morning Babe” because he likes when I call him babe :) I’ll update you on how they go. I need to get to bed now. Good night :)

[unsocialspecies]

Jeffrey and his dear ol ma and pa find a sleepy little hotel in some small town on theyr way to see cousin randall up north young jeff has been against the trip from the start he says it interferes with his partying and he doesn’t really relate to people who sleep. As his parents drift off and he is left to his thoughts his mind begins to race. He finds the down time unbearable and hes nearly chewed a hole threw his tounge. Suddenly he bolts upright in bed He turns to where his parents are sleeping and yells “yo dad psssst pops where the party at?   what the hell you sleepin for are you a lazy fuckin bum or something??” His father a costumed to jeffs shenanigans calmly retorts back “Son shut your fucking mouth its 1 a.m” Damn … well I tried. Jeff says to himself as he lays back down. Thoughts of hoodrat shit le cigarettes honkey tonks and hangin with blue collar gentlemen and rollin bolo back home streak across his mind he remembers the good times digging through trash staring at radio tower lights all night with ol boy Jr all the lurpage that’s going on back at the trap without him and all the fun hes missing out on. Fuck it he swings out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom “ight pops get to sleep you lazy fuck ill be in the bathroom probably jerkin my gerkin till sunrise Oh  ill try to act surprised when you bust in at 3am to take a piss but no promises after the 4th time it loses its excitement and after the last one remember when I was trying to hit a bolo and slap my sausage at the same time well it just want the same . After that I kinda just put it off as one of those thing that happen Anyway if you ever decide to stop being lame and show some interest in the finer things in this life well you know where to find me I got the firest dope in the whole trailer park this shit will fuuuuuck your whole life it aint dope if it doesn’t make you regret all your life choices take a hit of this and you will come out of your zone 5 years later  you will notice your in an  r.v and theres pictures hanging up of you and a dog eating wedding cake together you are wearing a huge white  dress but whats this .. No it couldn’t be the dog is in a tux and you realize that dog in the picture that dog eating cake with you …That’s now your husband and that’s when it hits you … you realize how good that fucking dope was and your like duuuude im so glad my son let me party with him that night so dad in conclusion come on don’t you wanna have some good friendly fun with crystal meth . Jeffs father has become a bit triggered after hearing another weird fucking story that  probably came about from some fucked  hallucination jeff accidentally filed under reality  Jeffs dad says “Son im not and I never ever will join in on your weird fucked up activities iv seen enough I don’t want to dabble in anymore of your tweakery than I have to”              Well dad that’s on you and if those are the kind of selfish choices you want to make in life then I cant tell you what to do just remember im not mad im just disappointed now give me the wifi password so I can go set up  headquarters and get some videos buffered up its gonna be long night nuts don’t bust themselves it’s a lot of hard work and blood and sweat and tears. Jeff grabs the wifi password and locks himself in the bathroom. AHHHHH bliss I should get paid for this he chuckles to himself before getting down to business first things first he pulls out his pookie and blows the fattest cloud on record. Then its time. He is focused like hes on a mission from god. After he stretches and gets in the zone The suddle slapping of a monkey is the only noise heard throughout the night. Hours pass by but to jeff time is only made up it does not exist in his reality A thump against the door startles him out of focus and breaks the steady pattern of fapping goddamit jeff whispers . the door crashes open as his dad comes in rubs his eyes and realizes whats going on  “oh for god sake  son  your gonna rub your godamn dick off at this rate if you spent as much time collecting pennies off the ground  as you do peddlin on your pecker iv swear Iv become numb to all this shit I ll probably walk in next time and you will be bent over the sink reaching an arm back fingerboppin your asshole what do you wan… Dad …dad jeff interrupts his fathers breakdown to ask an important question  “WHAT???!!! JEFF what is it” uhhhhh I wanted to ask you if it was normal for a shaft to go numb…. Not me though my penis is healthy . Im asking for a friend. jeffs father has a distant stare on his face as he shakes his head slowly back in forth and scratches at his hair “OK YOU WIN JEFF never have I heard of anyone BOMBING THE FUGGIN universe as much as you have in one day every time I think it cant get anymore disappointing you proceed to bypass your previous shame by miles. You are the definition of a terminal illness growing like a godamn tumor. Don’t get up from your throne I wouldn’t wanna come between you and the only true passion iv ever seen you have for anything. Ill just piss outside oh and to let you in on a little something something your mom explained last night her growing dislike towards you its not about the drugs or trannies you brought to grandmas last month its “THAT stupid fucking look on your face  your always making she cant stand it   and if it continues to intrude on her life she will have to take a hammer and bash it until it caves in on itself the bright side is we can go to the Halloween store and pick you out a mask. Think of it like that show where they tear apart those shitty houses and make them look amazing…. But hey maybe it wont come to that just practice in the mirror son try really hard to not look retarded I know just be strong if anything just think about that Halloween mask you will get to wear. Jeff sighs…. Oh my good godamn I see how it is I figured something was fishy but didn’t look into it due to a mix up in differentiating between pychosis and  my incredible intuition. see I pick up on small things that the normal person would never even think about but due to paranoia and sleep deprivation sometimes I just confuse red flags as my own made up dellusion. Ya know whaa….But there was no point explaining the situation to his dad for the old man must of  lost focus and walked off right at the beginning…. Well some people just don’t function  on this high of a brain frequency  almost makes ya feel sorry for em. They cant help being fools. Oh well I got other shit to take care of important stuff . He quickly makes a calculation in his head and decides if he cannot climax by sun up he will go to the doctor but  150 google searches 300 different adult websites and an undetermined number of computer viruses Young jeff finaly got the sweet satisfaction he had set out to find he let out a sigh of relief although it was short lived  because as soon as his heels touched back down on the bathroom floor his legs both cramped and jeff let out a horrific scream as he crumbled to the ground. after dragging the lower half of his body across the bathroom and crawling over into the bathtub he dove deep into his mind body and spirit….. Bingo “ I should just sit next time im whoopin the worm that way my legs don’t get weak and I don’t lose feeling in my lower extremities  next time I bust a nut” suddenly he felt a lot better about things see most people wouldn’t take the time to figure out why life dealt such a hard blow but not jeff he took in every factor anlysed the situation and he aint gonna make the same mistake more than maybe 3 times .  So there he sat waiting for his leg muscles to return to the correct places. Hmmmmm “you like that you like it when people get injured while jerking off as you watch the whole thing and laugh about later with your no good hippie step son”!!!he began pondering the existence of god   he flipped his pecker like some toy from a souvenir shop it helped him think smarter he wondered if even though he had no faith in the holy spirit and was not a believer why it felt so good to talk shit to god  maybe im having a spiritual awakening or just need somebody to blame. Ah maybe I should pray perhaps prayer is just another  method of begging .The man upstairs sounds like the haggling type of son a bitch maybe hes into horse trades. Then jeff did something he aint never done before he bowed his head stopped playing with his damn pecker put his hands together and prayed “Lord I don’t know if your listening but im in some trouble nothing too bad but… just please if you hear this gimme some feeling in my legs back I learned my lesson I heard somewhere theres no choking the chicken in heaven I know it cant be true though because what would heaven be if you couldn’t beat your meat every now and again. Anyway maybe that whole leg cramp thing was a god given sign of some sort but it was totally unnecessary now Iv not been on too good terms with you because back a couple months or so when I lost that portable dvd player under a truck wheel in the driveway and getting crushed. I blamed joe joe bean for the longest time but considering the holy spirit in charge of shit around here is you I figure you’re the sorry son a bitch that put joe joe up to something like that.

[amxndz-blog]

South China Normal University Team

Jinan University Team

  I procrastinated for so long before finally getting to this. I have been back from China for 3 days now and editing the pictures brings back great memories but I’m glad to be home! 🙂

Day 1    Our flight was scheduled at 8am which means we had to reach the airport at 6am for our group check-in. I took a GrabHitch at 5.30am, struggling to hold a conversation with the driver as I battle the Z-monster. All I could think about was “STARBUCKS SOY LATTE”. That morning I had also packed oats, bananas and cacao powder in an Adam’s Peanut Butter Jar. Little did I know, it was the last “healthy”/ “(purely) Vegan” meal I was going to have for the next 5 days. The warm oats with a tinge of chocolatey goodness mixed with the gooey leftover peanut butter that sticks to the roof of your mouth when you take a big bite made my morning so much better.

As a team, we checked-in our luggages and had time to kill. We settled at BurgerKing where some had their breakfast while Tin and I tried our luck on the Starbucks Goodie Grab. Tin, Bu and I shared a 2 for 1 promotion! We absentmindedly went for the Venti sized drinks which was a bad idea knowing that we had to board the plane in less than 15 minutes.. Our morning brain has not registered the fact till we arrived at the boarding gate with a Venti drink in hand, gulping down as much caffeine as we can. (Not a good idea, my stomach felt funny for the whole plane ride)

My very first (vegetarian) airplane meal was BeeHoon with Tofu and some vegetables. It was really delicious but the venti coffee was still sitting uncomfortably in my stomach. I also soon realised that I forgot to pack a book to entertain myself during the flight (3 hour 50 minutes) and I did not pre-download my Spotify playlist which meant I had ZERO songs to listen to. I alternated between sneakily playing iPhone games (they did not allow mobile phones to be switched on) and sleeping. I also played a few rounds of Big Two with Tin, Shan and Jing. My plane buddies, Bu and Yingjie (which will soon become my roomies for the next 4 nights) entertained me from time to time but we mostly slept.

Arriving at GuangZhou airport, we had to take a bus for an hour to reach Jinan University where we were greeted at the on-campus hotel by our exchange friends and teacher-in-charge(s).

Our hotel – the room with the blue shirt was ours

They blessed us with packet lunches which caught us by surprise because we each had 2 boxes (1 box of rice and 1 box of dishes). I on the other hand had 1 box of white rice topped with tomato and cabbage). The mountain of rice they provided was definitely a shocker to fellow Singaporeans.

Within an hour of resting and having lunch in our room, Yingjie wanted to leave the room to dispose of our lunch boxes but instead broke the door which left us in fits of laughter which echoed down the corridors. We tried to fix the door but to no avail. (We even thought of buying superglue/duct tape)

We then had a tour around their campus where we first visited the library which was huge and very spacious! The library was very technologically advance and the lady (I suppose she was a teacher) introduced us to the different rooms in the library but my command of mandarin left my interest in the hotel room. Next, we visited an on-campus history exhibit of Jinan University and surprisingly they were once located in Shanghai! (Semi Shanghainese pride because of Feng) It was only after 3 relocation that Jinan University is where it is today which I find so amazing!

They allowed us time to go back to our rooms to put our bags down but we decided that since our door broke, we would just wait on the rest. We then left for the Welcome Dinner. I cannot describe in words how generous the Chinese are! We had an almost 20 course dinner which consisted of prawns, chicken, mutton, coconut-chicken soup, and an abalone EACH. Obviously I had little to eat there but I was so filled with the delicious long grain brown rice with pumpkin, sweet potato and yam dish.

After dinner, we were able to visit the on-campus supermarket which sold SO MANY THINGS. Fruits were so cheap and there were so many interesting food items but I settled for a bunch of bananas and a 4.5 litre bottle of water.

Day 2   This day started early because we had training from 9am-11am. It was definitely too early to function.. They provided us with an indoor court which they painstakingly measured and stuck red tape on the floor to demarcate the court lines which they would then remove after our trainings. I am immensely grateful for their hospitality!!!

After training, with the lack of time, we had lunch in their campus canteen. I honestly, should be more grateful in the aspect of food, in no way am I complaining because some people do not even have the choice/opportunity to eat. BUT, well.. to the best of my ability I have tried so hard to stay Vegan. In China, it’s pretty much crazy to socialise and eat. They tell me the dish is fully-vegetarian BUT heck I ate minced meat and dried prawns which I then tried so hard to separate from the dish but probably failed… :’-( O WELL.

We then took went back to the sports hall for a friendly match between us and Jinan University Girls Team. I was still pretty disappointed with my performance.. it’s something about volleyball that I can no longer get. I just don’t know.

BUT HECK, DINNER WAS AWESOME. Since I was on a roll and had to “close-one-eye” for every meal.. we had Mala Xiang Guo. One picks ingredients and it gets weighed then stir-fried with Chinese spices according to the spice level. Tin and I shared a bowl and it was THE BEST THING EVER.

Our Mala Pot

That’s us being smelly in our jerseys!

Day 3  Training on this day was cancelled and we went for Dimsum instead. Another round of crazy eating and battling with sneaky meat. After which, Tin, Van and I spent quite a while in the arcade shop next to the Dimsum place. We raced cars, shot hoops and spent a fair bit of our time in the Mini K cubicle where 2 people put on earphones and can sing along karaoke style to the song of their choice.

We then had to walk 1.1km to a nearby mall which we found only when we “gave up” and wanted to cab back and settle for Starbucks but the Starbucks was connected to the mall we were looking for. It was not a mistake. We found our teammates in Miniso and…..

HAUL

HAUL

the rest was history.

Miniso was our go-to. We bought probably 90% of all their We Bare Bears merchandises and they were so worth it! We shopped till we forgot about the time and had to cab back to the sports hall where we collected our shoebags and boarded the chartered bus to another University for a friendly match.

For dinner this day, we had it at a restaurant called “Grandma’s Place”. Another meat battle which was lost. Initially, some of us intended to have Mala for supper but soon scraped the idea because every meal in China left us feeling SO FULL. We slowly made our way back to Jinan University and called it a night.

Day 4   REST AND RECREATION DAY. Van, Tin, Bu, Yingjie and I had breakfast at the same Dimsum place which was amazeballlls. (I grew numb to the sneaky meat..) We had so much to eat!

We then left to look for the rest. At the mall that they were in, there was Abercombie & Fitch but I stupidly forgot my associate card :’-( SOBBBS.

Taking the public train down to BeiJing Lu was a feat. If you ever think boarding the train in Singapore is difficult, think again. If you ever think that Bishan Platform is crowded during peak hours, THINK AGAIN. It was crazyyyyy and people were literally RUNNING to grab the next train so that they could board. Nonetheless, we managed and with no regrets because I had the best drink ever. I ordered a coconut milk with red bean after checking with the lady that no dairy was used.

We travelled by train to a massage parlour where Jia Le and I shared a room. it was her first time getting a massage. She was asking me how it was going to be like and I told her that usually the same gendered masseuse would be available but at that moment… 2 males came in. Shrugging it off thinking that every other pair had male masseuses as well, we laid down and had our massages amidst awkward conversations held in bad mandarin. it was only after did we realised that we were the only pair with males…. LUL

Dinner was across the road, the Mala restaurant we had on the second night. AMAZEBALLS.

fwens

walking the 1km

we tried on crazy dark lipsticks

Day 5   This day was mainly travelling and bidding our China friends goodbye :’-(.

Ah Jing

Ah Song

Their hospitality and generosity has definitely overcame all language barriers. They were amazing throughout that 5 days, trying their hardest to accommodate my diet (I was a burden, yes, whoops). I’m super grateful and I hope I’ll get to see y’all soon!!

MA ROOMIES

A picture with the roomies to commemorate our success in not having to pay for damages that we have caused on our short stay. We blessed the entire hotel (yes, block 1 & block 2) with our laughter and screams when we encounter gross friendly buggies.

8 of us wew

HongBin Coach!

And the eight of us that ate so much our stomachs ached, thank you for the trip because the 5 days were amazingly filled with so much goodness and love from everyone of you. We bonded and possibly will continue fighting in upcoming competitions together? 😉

This trip has been nothing short of amazing! Miniso was amazing :-p

Jinan Volleyball Exchange Trip I procrastinated for so long before finally getting to this. I have been back from China for 3 days now and editing the pictures brings back great memories but I'm glad to be home!