#when in actuality their relationship with money has been so skewed from the start

[vibbybee]

“and then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like [it’s not enough]” cho

[fumifooms]

Marcille & Chilchuck contrasts & similarities

Yesterday in the Dunmeshi Discord we talked about narrative foils and I ended up writing a lot about my fave duo so. Informal character analysis time. I give some in-depth interpretations on aspects of Chilchuck’s character near the end as well, not just analyzing their characters in how they contrast each other

Marcille and Chil are so foils to me. "Has experienced loss through death and now clings onto the people around her and is overly interested in engaging in social gossip" vs "has experienced loss through rejection and now refuses to open up to anyone until socially starved", both are responding to their experience with loss in fully different ways, socializing and trying to learn all she can for the short time she has with others but trying to keep digestible enough that she’s not too attached if she loses them, vs refusing to socialize so the problem stops before it begins but eventually unable to resist the pull that comes with being a social creature. Like I guess what I’m trying to say is that Marcille engaging with social gossip could be a shallow way for her to vicariously experience social relationships if she feels like forming deep bonds is unsafe. Family is a core motivation and value for them but in different ways. Both want to keep the status quo but in different ways.

Divorcee who avoids love wether it be in the people around him or thinking about his own (past?) romance vs hopeless romantic that idealizes love without herself having been in a relationship or even in love herself as far as we know. Middle child vs only child. Emotional constipation vs emotional intelligence. Streets savvy vs prestigious academic, field experience vs book smarts. Crass vs prim. Overbearingly social vs private to a fault. Never externalizes his feelings and to a degree represses them vs wears her heart on her sleeve and her feelings on her face. They start out underestimating each other in different ways, one by assuming his age and the other by undermining her skills, experience and willpower. Both seeing each other’s motives as somewhat skewed (money and research of shady magic respectively) but growing to respect them.

They also both seek approval and validation from others, unlike Senshi and even Laios who don’t seem to care about outside perception as much, Marcille worries early on that she’s not helpful enough and slowing the party down meanwhile Chilchuck is almost always trying to prove a point early on that he’s capable and mature. Coincidentally enough, Chilchuck’s approval was both the catalyst and the key to resolving her arc about it in the mandrake chapter, meanwhile besides Senshi Marcille is the one whose perception of Chilchuck gets the most changed over the course of the whole manga. Something else notable is how they deal differently with their races being judged, while Chilchuck reaffirms himself as a proud half-foot, Marcille hides her half-elf nature and is embarrassed of it when it’s revealed. Something subtle yet interesting is also how they both are shown to prefer lying in a way that makes them look bad rather than admitting ignorance on something. Chilchuck says that he cheated on his wife and that’s why she left rather than just saying that he doesn’t know why she did. Marcille in the mandrake chapter says that she has used a dog to harvest mandrakes (thus killing it) before while in truth she never has, and everyone including herself is like "That’s horrible… The poor dog!"

Their dad dies. Chil is like "Hm. Cool. Anyways he died doing smth he loved right so haha lemme drink myself into an early death bed too yolo 🔥🤟" vs "He died and it shattered my world and I must devote all my life to wiping death out of existence".

"I am going to knowingly shorten my lifestyle through unhealthy habits actually."

Problem solving approaches

One thing I love about them is how they have complete opposite approaches to problem solving. Besides striving for workers’ rights and job stability for halflings with an union, he’s very "laissez-faire". He won’t do the righteous thing just because it’s the right thing if he doesn’t have an incentive or a safety net, like going to save Falin. He doesn’t chase after his wife to talk it out and make amends, he gives her space and either hopes she’ll talk when she’s ready or figures that he shouldn’t try to do anything about it. He doesn’t mention the mimic he noticed to the others to not make a big deal out of it and hopefully it won’t come up again. He’s a "if the glass is half-full that’s fine enough for me, I don’t need things to be as good as they could be" type, a "leave it alone until it figures itself out" type.

Marcille? Marcille is idealistic and in-your-face. If there is an issue you better believe Marcille will address it and try her hardest to fix it, will talk it out and attempt to understand & strive to make things as best possible for everyone involved. She will FORCE you to talk about your FEELINGS wether you like it or NOT. Leaving it alone? Keeping things as just okay when they could be great instead? No no no no no, that’s not right, she’s going to try and fix it now. She will make you stand up and fight for the best that your life could be, to be honest when something bothers you and do something about it, will make you stop suppressing yourself because you’re scared of things getting worse.

Which, you know, both methods certainly have their pros and cons, but they’re very complimentary in that way. He grounds her into a more down to earth mindset and teaches by example that it’s okay if things don’t necessarily work out and moving on is possible and not necessarily miserable, while she encourages him to not give up so fast or stay quiet on things that bother so much. He soothes and she emboldens 🔥 Funny, because you could have thought it would’ve been the contrary, which is not untrue either, but he’s the "has experienced the harshness of life and has settled for something comfortable but modest" while she’s the "wants to make the world better and goes to great lengths to change it while still trying to find herself & uncomfortable with some aspects of life like loss".

One overly focuses on dealing with issues by changing things around her while the other overly focuses on only changing himself.

——

Chilchuck leaves things alone if he thinks they’re best left unaddressed or thinks they’ll work itself out. Like the mimic he didn’t tell the group about but it backfired later. Like how he didn’t chase after his wife or seemingly tried to contact her at all. Like how he prefers not to dig into people’s personal issues in parties and be left alone to deal with his stuff on his own as well.

Meanwhile Marcille is overbearingly in-your-face and loud and "if there’s a problem we’re dishing it out right here right now. Your wife left you?? And you didn’t try to get her back?? I am going to write out a script and a plan for you to apologize and please bring these piles of presents."

She’s secretive about her fair share of things as well but she’s very proactive. While she seeks to research something that’s a core motivation and life goal to her + save someone she deeply cares for Chil is there for his job and to get money and "hey if something happens I’ll have done my part. I took you guys here now you guys figure out the rest and fight the monsters or something". They both like to have a say in the strategy, Chilchuck moreso as time goes on, but Marcille involves herself much more into almost everything.

Espescially early on, they’re always sticking by each other judging Senshi & Laios together and being like "Am I seeing this shit right. They’re crazy right? Tell me I’m not the only one here with common sense" and forming a 🤝 relationship over it and considering that, it sometimes feel… Contradicting? How they also have a lot of conflict together over time about how different they truly are. But it’s interesting and nice to see how even though they do have arguments it always gets resolved pretty promptly, like they’re truly hashing it out as equals and then when that’s done they’re back to being on the same wavelength. The exception would be Marcille taking a long time to come around on Chil being old, but arguments and debates like the one on dark magic and if it’s okay or wrong to use it, which was pretty serious and not just banter? They came to find a middle ground or at least understanding, and it didn’t seem to lower the respect they hold for another afterwards.

Chilchuck’s repressing habit

I do think Chilchuck has a repressed thing where he doesn’t WANT to think about it about his feelings sometimes, like with his wife- and maybe with his father? But the way he was so casual and nonchalant about his father dying has always struck me. I’m not sure if this is a "my feelings on my father were mixed and complicated at best" thing or a "I just don’t want to spend time thinking about it" thing or something else, but it gives food for thought.

When it comes to alcohol there’s this saying where an alcoholic parent will have 2 kids and one will grow to be alcoholic too while the other will never even touch a drop of alcohol and both when asked why will say "I watched my father". Chilchuck is def the first I think. He gives the vibe of "An alcoholic parent puts a strain on familial relationships?? Pshh, my father was and look at me! I turned out great!" Which is something I’ve heard irl lol which always makes you go like 👀 yes indeed you’re perfectly well-adjusted and haven’t been affected by your father’s alcoholism at all it’s clear as day. On that topic, Chilchuck’s family, both currently and when he was a kid, are very interesting topics to theorize about with the hints and cues we have, how his wife truly felt and what happened for her to feel unappreciated enough to leave, how distant is he from his daughters if they haven’t seen each other in the same year either and Flertom was the only one to send him a letter? But that’s a topic for another day

Chilchuck probably has such a complex…. Of like not being… Like allowed to take space I guess? And he does wish to affirm that right, he takes space and asks for it so very overtly, he formed a half-foot guild to demand better working conditions as one of the biggest examples of that. He grew up poor and undermined but he knows that he’s capable and someone worthy of respect and demands it, and takes every opportunity to prove himself. But on the other end, he doesn’t seem to want to keep his hopes up in general, like asking for something to be better is bound to fail, that it’d be too good to be true. He tries to keep out of where his job doesn’t need him, from a sense of efficiency that cuts down on unnecessary stops but also because he just thinks it isn’t his place to do so. It strikes me that it’s hinted that like… He doesn’t even really consider the possibility of going to his wife and trying to mend the relationship. Like it’s either she’ll decide to take him back on her own or he’ll be left out in the cold waiting, never knowing just where he’s truly at with her and if things are over for good. Like… Shooting his shot and making his case doesn’t even register as an option? Like he’s not worth fighting for, like whatever he did wouldn’t change her opinion anyways?

He def has a "life isn’t like a fairytale where everything goes well" philosophy where sometimes it feels like he just gives up on how things maybe could be better, especially interpersonally. Maybe it’s why he focuses on simple joys like alcohol instead of trying to keep up with relationships which can be complex and very fickle, in his own words. Something like alcohol is predictable, always there to fall back on, safe, gives him sensations without other emotional/social risks attached. Ironic for someone whose job is all about risks, but understandable

He contradicts even himself… Bro yes you’re capable, yes you’re great, yes you matter, now maybe speak about your feelings maybe??? Or do you not think your emotional issues deserve to get fixed and have closure???? Are you so used to being dismissed, overlooked and undermined that you think no one will listen even if you speak up?? And this recontextualize his "I’m not even gonna try and talk this issue out because I know (assume) that it won’t solve anything anyways" approach, doesn’t it.

"I must break my party members’ stuff or lie to them because if I just tell them my opinion and my feelings that I don’t want them to die they won’t care anyways and keep going"

In a way everyone is the glue of the party in different ways, Laios giving the group a direction and a plan, Senshi keeping them fed and grounded, Marcille making everyone more social and encouraging bonds to form, and for Chilchuck he’s the one most focused on actually keeping everyone alive I think.

Conclusion

Idk I’m not gonna repeat every point but have this as a parting contrast:

Guy with shortest lifespan possible who doesn’t mind knowingly shortening his own with an unhealthy habit, here for a good time not a long time, VS girl with longest lifespan possible who wants to lengthen everyone’s life, who focuses on how long she can keep something or someone rather than how happy her time with it has made her already. They’re both loud in their own way, and both are still insecure despite appearances. In a way, both of them focus on taking care of others while overlooking their own demons.

[waitmyturtles]

Final Thoughts on The Trainee! (TL;DR That Last 4/4 Quarter Was a Major Fumble, But It Didn't Ruin the Whole Show For Me)

I had promised my friends @lurkingshan and @shortpplfedup that I honestly wouldn't write too much about The Trainee while it was airing, because I was mad sus about the crew of this show. Many of the crew of The Trainee had worked on an ill-fated GMMTV het drama called UMG, which aired last year, and which starred Nanon Korapat, Namtan Tipnaree, and Milk Pansa in an unfortunate, chemistry-devoid love triangle. It was a flop and I never finished it.

I had thought to think about where this crew came from about four episodes into The Trainee, when I realized that the MO of this series was to center not Ryan's and Jane's budding romance, but the inner workings of an office, and the infrastructures of making filmed content instead.

UMG was framed in a similar way. While the show struggled to contextualize romance among its characters, the center of each episode was actually about describing concepts regarding extraterrestrial life -- things like crop circles and whatever. (There were aliens in this show.) (Dammit, I can't find a gif of the aliens!) (Here's Milk with some boogie eyes instead, whatever.)

As @lurkingshan wrote often during her watch of the series, The Trainee was ultimately a workplace BL, and I'd add to that that it was meant to serve as an educational series to GMMTV's unique audience. I wondered, early on in The Trainee, if I was just too damn old, as a working professional, to be an audience to this show. GMMTV's audience, of course, skews Gen Z and maybe very-late millennial -- GMMTV's shows are equivalent to shows airing on MTV or The CW by way of its majority audience market.

I certainly had a lot of experience by way of how interpersonal relationships mostly played out in this series (although I reeeeeally needed Judy to acknowledge her kissing Ba-Mhee and to talk about it, the way Jane acknowledged the power gap between him and Ryan after they started dating).

But, honestly? I ended up LOVING the breakdowns of how creating filmed content works, especially in regards to how viscerally and intensely these concepts were depicted.

And The Trainee stepped into some other territory, y'all! Many of us had intense discussions regarding bisexual inclusion and erasure once Tae and Ba-Mhee got back together. These concepts are sophisticated and important to ruminate on -- again, especially for a younger audience being fed most binary male-male and female-female queer media and concepts by a giant like GMMTV, which makes a ton of money on branding same-sex actors together. Queerness has a lot of spectrums, and bi inclusion was something I was glad this series unexpectedly took on.

So, against all this good stuff, that last 4/4 quarter sucked. I felt terrible for Ryan's 20-something hormones. Jane went to get a masters', and didn't even *call* his.... his boo? (Ryan wasn't Jane's boyfriend, obviously, maybe we could call Ryan his crush, his boo-boo, whatever.) Like. Jane didn't even come back to Thailand to visit, ever? Come awn now. If a show is feeding realism to a young audience by way of how corporate workplaces work, and how the art of an industry is made, at least please make the final romance a little more realistic!

(All y'all 20-somethings who were watching this show and wondering if you should wait five years for a potential boo to come back from overseas, please listen to your auntie here, GO DATE OTHER PEOPLE. Don't be like Ryan. Focus on *YOUR* NEEDS. This has been your reality-based PSA.)

But the rest of the finale was lovely for me. Jo, to me, was a realistic boss. He had a priority in keeping on Jane as an assistant director, because Jane was a great assistant director, and served well in that role, which served well for Jo's company. When Jane expressed an interest in growing, Jo knew that Jane couldn't do it in Jo's shadow -- and Jo said so. Jane taking a risk to LEAVE is a kind of risk I've had to confront time and time again in my own career, as I grew out of a workplace, and grew out of what that workplace was demanding of me. It's a wonderful notion for young people to contemplate on -- that movement in one's career must be first and foremost driven by the individual themself, for the sake of their own accountability to their growth.

I was thrilled to see Sea Tawinan in them white pants Ba-Mhee and Tae's engagement, Tae setting guardrails for himself to focus more on Ba-Mhee, and omg Pie's and Ba-Mhee's breakdown had me howling. Poon's a new fave as well. The Trainee confirmed my continued deep love and appreciation for Piploy, I think she's cute and great-great.

I truly enjoyed this show. The crew ultimately de-centralized romance for most of the show to focus on how work lives and personal lives realistically intertwine. We are the same people at work as we are at home, with all of the messiness we bring to those tables, including unrecommended romances that may traverse age and power gaps. Things can get messy, but I think, other than the whole Judy thing and Jane ghosting Ryan for years (wtf man), The Trainee handled that messiness with empathy for the young people who did a lot of growing up during the course of this series.

[itsmeanyango]

ASTROLOGICAL TIMELINES: AGE 23-66

The information I'm sharing will put you YEARS ahead. If you'd like a personal reading, just reach out to me in my DMs or reach out to me on my WhatsApp business here.

I was writing reports for clients who wanted to know how Pluto in Aquarius would affect them and this inspired me to write the following.

Initially this was going to be life transits from age 25 to 65 but I've decided to start from age 23 because I know how HARD that particular year is.

I won't touch on every particular thing each year, I'm just touching on the events(astrological) that will make or break you given your personal choices.

Since you have this information now, please don't break you❤️.

I am also just copy pasting things from different readings I have done because source tells me someone booked a reading for a client who paid them a lot. In short, someone stole my reading to masquerade as their own work. I hope one day someone googles particular words from their reading and comes across my post then wonders, “hey, why are you using the exact same words from a reading I had done yet I never booked with you?”

I want to start by saying that although I've chosen age 23 as the starting point, age 17/18 is where the shift usually begins because that's the first “real” taste of freedom experience because you've just finished highschool + feel like an adult. The snare here is drugs, alcohol,sex and or romance. It could be all, it could be one or it could be some. Different circumstances make one fall into those snares, not just being idle.

If you get into substance abuse it tends to get out of hand and interferes with your relationship with money and even your education (university/college).

If it's sex, it greatly interferes with your relationships + attachment style(this is a good opportunity to work on your attachment btw). You will grow to be in dysfunctional relationships of all types from friendship to romance to work/professional relationships. Your perception of relationships will be skewed.

If it's romance, well that's where most people actually go downhill real quick because they let love get the best of them.

Are you doomed for any of the above three? No. However, it takes a special kind of someone to turn their wheel around and fix it all(especially in record time, which is before 23 or your first Saturn return). You can come back from all your poor choices, so many people before you have done it and so can you. It just takes extra strength and determination ESPECIALLY when you are in an environment that's set to be your number one enemy.

Age 23

The major event here is your 12H profection year. I have a deeper post for each element(fire, earth ,air and water) on 12H profection years here, go read it.

12H transits are not fun. 12H profection years are usually the longest 12H experiences unless one has planets in their 12H. The shorter the 12H transit, the harsher it is because you have a short timeline to deal with so much. That's why some months you wonder why everything is working against you. Some people already have particular months marked out as their worst months because they have noticed a pattern (this does not mean 12H transits are the main astrological reason why).

Let's say two people of the same age(maybe even twins), present with the same burn degree on the same body part. One is writhing in pain, screaming and crying. The other is just there, even eating a pack of crisps as if nothing is wrong. It may seem shocking and one may say everyone has their level of pain tolerance.

Then you find out that the one who is not flinching has been living with chronic pain and now this new pain is nothing new to them, they are in pain almost every day and without painkillers anyway.

That is how 12H transits are. Some people just shrug off the harsh experiences like nothing. Or share the most life stopping experiences like it's nothing because those experiences have been the order of the day. Everyone else is like, “are you okay?” and they are oblivious.

However, to those who have never experienced earth shattering things, 12H profection years and transits feel like they have been walking in circles in hell. People with 12H placements don't feel that 12H transits and profection years are all that bad. They feel it in their 1H profection year, because it's more quite and peaceful yet this(quiet and peace) is something they are not used to.

Next is age 24, which has the 1H profection year.

1H profection year Jupiter return. This is your first significant Jupiter return. Your actual first one was about 12 years ago but you were too little to understand. Chances are you had some good luck that year or you went through absolute mental anguish. This may have also manifested through your parents having some great financial fortune or opportunities. That fortune was supposed to be used on you, if misfortune ensued then it's because they did not give to Caesar what belongs to Ceasar.

Anyway, at 24 most people are graduating from university or have graduated from university. They wonder about the next step and it's usually in hope of employment and financial gain. However, what tends to happen is a magnitude of misfortune because whatever Jupiter touches expands.

It's really just a huge big tower moment that's meant to wake you up to who you really are, to shake off societal beliefs and values that have been drilled into you through different systems like your family and educational institutions as well as religion. If you handled your 12H profection year without resistance, this may not be as harsh of an experience. You will probably be in a state of Por qué? Not in dejection, but acceptance to learn the lesson or let whatever is next come so that you can move to the next chapter already.

Some people however, are very fortunate. This is because their parents married well(spiritually) or the nature of their birth chart is favourable for this astrological life event.

However, Jupiter has power over both money and the psyche. Money makes man mad. So whatever happens this transit, your psyche is impacted and it's up to you to be grounded or not.

Between age 28 and 30 you have already started your Saturn return, although some people begin to feel the shift(tends to come with challenges) at 27.

When religious leaders say “the day of judgement is very near”, they mean hell but what the day of judgement being very near means is your Saturn return.

Your Saturn return is the day of judgement, but it lasts way more than a day You became an adult in most places at 18, but this doesn't mean you are ready for the adult world. You are just learning. By the time you are 23 you have been five years an adult. A five year old child can talk, walk, feed themselves but bathing not really. They also can't go anywhere on their own. Five years as an adult, you are just finishing university and now wondering about the way forward. At age 12 you are almost a teenager and looking ahead thinking that high school is nearby. You are also probably wondering if your peers will like you, especially the gender you are attracted to.

Twelve years as an adult, at thirty you are wondering if you have made the right choices in your twenties and if the choices you currently carry with you from your twenties will be good or bad for you. Just like how at age 12 a child starts following the crowd to fit in, you might do just that at age thirty because everyone else turned out fine…but that's just what you see, or that's just what they show you.

Now when you followed the crowd at age 12 or watched people follow the crowd, how did that work for you/them?

At age thirty when you are before Saturn answering for the twelve years of adulthood (keep in mind that it takes the sun going round twelve zodiac signs to count as an astrological year), what do you think will happen for having followed the crowd? What about following Yourself?

Following the crowd looks like keeping the peace by not addressing what bothers you, looking the other way in the face of injustice when you know that what's going on is wrong( i.e being an enabler or perpetuating abuse) not standing up for yourself.

Saturn does not just punish you for being a bully to others. Saturn punishes you for not respecting and loving yourself. Sad but true, that's why people get baffled when the sweetest kindest person goes through horrendous things.

If you are the sweetest kindest person to others but an absolute horror to yourself, Saturn will punish you for that. So you better start self loving yourself!

At around 36 you get your Jupiter return.

It's your second one, the first one was around age 24. Jupiter returns are seen as the return that brings you luck. But why would luck come to your door when you don't make space for it?

Jupiter returns to see if you learnt your last lesson twelve years ago and prepared a space for the gifts he bears. It's like not putting milk and cookies under your Christmas tree for Santa yet you have the capacity to. So Jupiter simply tears down everything you consider fortune and this time expects to have found you ready in 12 years time.

At 24, Jupiter returns to see if you decentered your caregivers and the systems you have been through. If not, that tower had to come down like the London bridge song.

At this same age you have your Nodal return and Saturn opening square. Your Nodal return is the North Node simply returning to remind you who you are and where you are going. This transit is not harsh, it's like a reminder in your phone to make that call. It's up to you to follow the reminder or ignore it.

For your opening Saturn square, Saturn is back to see if you are getting it together or using his rewards well. It's slightly challenging and will remind you of a time you went through something similar. All you have to do is learn from your history, apply the relevant lessons and you will be okay.

Between age 41/42 and 43 you have your Saturn opposition and Uranus opposition.

Uranus is the planet of change. Change and transformation are very different. When someone says you have changed, it's because they recognise you but you are somebody they used to know. When you transform, you can slowly walk past people you used to be close to and they will not even stop to say hello because that is now a total stranger they see.

Uranus type of change is revolutionary. Consider how the coca-cola bottles have changed over time. Even without the logos you can tell that those must be coca-cola bottles. Uranus opposition manifests as midlife crisis. At this age you find families having issues when the parents are 41-42. If someone had their first child at 28, when they are 42-43 the child is now 14-15. The parents are going through a crisis and the child wants to be heard but nobody at home was there to listen. Then when the child grows up they talk about how it all started when they were 14. 15 and pregnant sound familiar?

Saturn opposition on the other hand is feeling like being selfish. You know you have responsibilities and people depend on you but you are just so tired of doing the right thing. “I feel something so wrong doing the right thing, I feel something so right doing the wrong thing”. That's counting stars by one republic. But is it worth it? Is it worth losing all the hard work you have put in so far because of a "short" stint in the sky that is simply calling you to discover uncomfortable parts of yourself?

The next transit happens around age 46 and it's your Pluto square and Nodal opposition Let's start with the nodal opposition.

Remember that Nodal return ten years ago that came as a reminder? Well, now whatever that was is facing some opposition. This is also happening after the quarter life crisis has been building up. You probably have a child who is now turning 18 and leaving home. Maybe there are other children but if not, you may be too distracted in your vices to even start feeling empty nest syndrome. So now you decide to do exactly what you wanted to do because your child isn't there to judge you, but you say that your reason is that you didn't want them to see the mess and get hurt.

The most destructive period of ones life is between age 41 and 48. Seven years a slave. This is why one should strive to start getting it together by 25 then thirty and ultimately at 35 so that all these challenges don't shake their foundations because they already did the inner work. When you are young and have the energy, use it wisely because when you grow older and your body just wants to rest you will find it easier to become everything you said you would never be than to be the version of yourself five year old you wanted to become.

At 48 you have your Jupiter return again.

At 24 Jupiter wants you to detach from your parents so that you can have some “wealth” of your own to start your life.

At 36, Jupiter returns to see if you'd like something to help you through 41 to 48 or you are still living in the past.

At 48 Jupiter returns to see if you have the capacity to be a custodian of generational wealth or if you have decided to live like you're in the tower of Babel that is built and falls over and over again.

I want to add that Jupiter rules Pisces but also Sagittarius. When you look at the pisces symbol, the fish are swimming in a circle. That's a loop. Infinity is a loop. If you don't learn from the past, you will forever be in a loop that will make you loose your mind. Sagittarius in this sense under Jupiter means, “you should have known better”. So everytime Jupiter returns, Jupiter expects you to have known better.

From here at 48 you now have your Chiron return coming in from age 49 to 50.

If you have done the work, nothing will scare you. Especially you being someone whose weakness has always been visible. Own your weakness and nobody will ever use it against you.

Age 54 is your nodal return,

it's not the first one you've experienced but this is a good time to look at memories back then. Good or bad memories. At 54 you are also looking at all the relationships you've had in your life so far. They can act as guides to the question, “have I been true to me?” That's a good journal prompt. You don't have to wait for 54, you can start now so by the time you are 54 you look back with fulfillment at your life choices. Your relationships are a direct reflection of who you are.

You'll also find yourself wondering what you are here for and you'll hope you have accomplished your purpose. This is not like the existential crisis of the mid twenties or the adult realisation of the thirties. This one comes with peace or bitterness.

Between age 58 to 60 you have your second Saturn return.

This is heavily about self judgement. It won't be Saturn on your case like at your first Saturn return. It will be you against you, Like Jekyl and Hyde(read this story).

Thinking about your choices in life. Wondering if you should have done better. Feeling like you have been in the same place forever.

You're looking at all the lessons you've learnt, all your accomplishments and deciding if they were beautiful or vanity.

Most people have soul eating regrets at this age and these regrets start manifesting as disease.

Finally between age 63 and 66 you have your closing Uranus square.

Remember that rebellion that started boiling up in you from age 21 to 24? The one especially if 23 was a tough year and you felt like you wouldn't make it through? That's what's coming in this age.

Now, is it(rebellion) worth it? That's the question you'll need then.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hey, big fan of the blog. Hoping for some advice with a developing situation i find myself in.

I made a new friend recently and we hit it off really well. We've been talking pretty much every day since then, and we're starting to realize we might have some mild Feelings for each other. We're both ace, they are allo and I am aro (or I thought I was; this may change some things). We're trying to figure out how to proceed and the possibility of a QPR has been raised. I think it would make us both pretty happy and I can't deny that I really want to see where these feelings go.

However, there is a catch.

We're both adults, but in very different life stages, with me being the one with much more life experience. I don't want to mess them up or skew their perceptions or otherwise do anything to hurt them inadvertently. That said, I know that QPRs are different than dating and can be whatever you want them to be. (And can I just say how frustrating it is to finally understand what i actually want from a relationship only for that relationship to have a strange complication) I'm looking for any kind of guidance with this, because if I do the wrong thing, I could really mess them up. And yes, we're talking honestly about where we see the relationship and we're both aware of the huge gap in life stages between us.

Do you have any thoughts or advice on how to approach this?

So these types of things can be really complex, and a lot is going to depend on the details. Not every relationship where one person has more life experience is necessarily a bad one, though it is a good idea to take an active look for potential power imbalances and be aware or correct them where possible. It's also a good idea to think about boundaries and if there's any you need to be aware of. One common example of this is if you're at a place in your life where you're making more money (note: this is just an example, I'm not saying this is or isn't the case for you), if you end up spending a lot more on them than they are on you it may make them feel more beholden to you, even if that's not your intention. So it might be a good idea to create a boundary where you're both spending about equal amounts of money on each other based on what they could comfortably afford.

My biggest no-gos would be if you're in a position of authority or trust (for example boss/employee, medical professional/patient, etc). If there's an age gap, those can be really complicated, but I would say in that case it matters less the difference between your ages than it does how young or how emotionally mature they are in general. And if you feel like you're in too much of a position of authority based on their age/maturity level, it probably won't be a good idea.

But if it's more an issue of you're more established in your life and career, have had more experiences, etc. but they're a mature adult, I would worry less.

One question to ask that may help too is if you do have a relationship and it ends, do you think it's likely they'd be in a better position for having had the relationship or no?

QPRs are also highly variable and can affect things too. For example a QPR where you're both more independent is less likely to cause issues than one that's more codependent. But it is one of the advantages of QPRs that they're heavily customizable and you can purposefully aim to set something up that you feel is less likely to cause issues. Remember there's no rules with QPRs, it can include or not include whatever you want. And as always good communications, and making sure both of you feel free and open to discuss any concerns, to voice when you're uncomfortable, etc. will go a long way too.

Hopefully this is helpful. I'd also encourage doing your own research as well on power imbalances in relationship to get a better idea of what those look like and how to create a healthy dynamic.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[hecksupremechips]

giving u a lil friend smooch and permission to talk about whatever crosses your mind MWAH

Whale ain’t that sweet 🥺

Time to talk very long in an incoherent way cuz im out of meds and sleep deprived and having issues rn so its. Not gonna be. Words gonna go silly

I’m never not thinking about shinji this is known this is truth I think shinji and ryuki have this shared problem of being my favorite characters ever but the game theyre in sucks and is Bad so bad lol but shhhh I don’t wanna talk about that part rn I’ll get really bitchy. I’m very insecure that when I write the shinji and akihiko relationship during the 2 years separation that I’m making aki look like a fucking asshole on accident liek I’m worried my biases are skewing things cuz like okay. Main conflict is aki wants shinji to come back to sees and feels like he’s blaming himself too much for the incident with kens mom to the point of not doing ANYTHING like just wallowing in self pity. And shinji doesn’t wanna come back cuz guilt + trauma has ruined everything about sees and he doesn’t have a clue how to control his persona so he doesn’t wanna risk another casualty and he’s sick of being asked to come back to that shit and starts destroying himself yayyy. And its a very real conflict like it hurts cuz neither of them are WRONG but they’re horrible at communicating and they have so much bullshit to carry that they should t have to carry on their own but they don’t have anyone to rely on, especially not shinji. But sometimes I think like in both the canon and in fics akis perspective is shown waaay more and he’s made out to be like. Correct? Like I’m supposed to think shinji is being unreasonable or something or that he’s an asshole and it’s like. No??? I think he’s actually very reasonable like he really shouldn’t have to come back to sees it’s not the end of the world like yes, he shouldn’t be isolating himself it’s not good for him but that’s not like. A moral failing he’s literally just traumatized and suicidal and like. Of course he’s isolating! Of course he’s being secretive and hurting himself and feels at fault like he isn’t a regular persona user his persona is literally actively dangerous which would obviously translate to him as “im dangerous” and hes also literally been told all his life he’s a failure he’s literally the loner with “behavior issues” and no family no money treated as a burden by all the adults and being in sees was his one chance to be a part of something where he finally wasn’t a failure and then. He failed at that too. And he loves his friends but like, their lives aren’t the same. Mitsuru has always been rich and beautiful and smart and akihiko came from the same place but he got adopted by a nice rich family and is a star athlete and smart and well behaved and then theres shinji the drop out freak and I think that’s also what leads him to connect with strega and get the suppressants is just like. The feeling of being misunderstood by the people who SHOULD understand but they just like. Literally cannot because of their different roles in society. It’s painful! It isn’t something he wants to address but it’s undeniably there! And it’s painful for aki just like. The realization that he alone cannot move shinji he alone cannot make him happy again and theres parts of him he’ll literally never understand it’s horrible cuz they’ve always understood each other and been able to pick each other up but the world is getting too complicated and they’re both so damaged and can’t do it alone anymore and punching shadows just. Won’t fix it. They need so much love and support and therapy and cookies many cookies and shinji lives in my pocket

Okay now that I’ve gotten the bulk of that ramble out of the way let’s get cute okay. I really wanna write halloween fics rn even though it’s July like it’s actually a need and of course it’s about my favorite tsundere family trio so basically basically basically October is a horrible month for them but they and the rest of sees decide to get really into Halloween just to have something good to look forward to and I like to imagine shinji in an attempt to find a will to live gets like REALLY into sewing like hes always been able to sew just like basic stuff like he always mended clothes and made miki a stuffed animal out of old socks (it was really ugly she loved it) and he could stitch up wounds but he never really got too skilled at it. And then one day he notices koromarus costume is a little wonky and this spirals into I MUST MAKE A NEW COSTUME FOR KORO and before he knows what’s happening koro is dressed like a clown fish and a month has passed and he hasn’t tried to hurt himself once so FUCK this is now something he’s become deeply invested in. So he decides he’s gonna make Halloween costumes for Ken and (sigh) himself cuz yeah. There’s obviously gonna be a halloween party costumes are required. Ken I think would like trick or treating but also he’s like IM NOT A BABY I DONT DO THAT and I think aki and shinji would respect that but also they kinda really wanna take him trick or treating cuz a) it’s fun and they need fun memories and Ken needs to have childhood fun before he’s too old b) they didn’t really get to have much halloween fun as kids and c) candy free candy. Still undecided if they’ll go or not BUT they will at least have the party to go to and they’re all like oh noooooo (secretly very excited). So back to sewing shinji tries to engage with kens interests and with great great effort he promises Ken that they’ll dress up as his favorite characters and Ken sooo wants to act cool but he’s over the moon and the idea of shinji dressing up with him is just. Sobs I’m actually gonna cry JUST THINKING ABOUT IT STOP. So shinji gets some shitty ass discount fabrics and is gonna hand sew them but he’s starting kinda late and his hands are a lot weaker now so he’s forced to use 🙊 the sewing machine. And he is very bad. With the sewing machine but he cannot destroy it with his ax because it was a gift and he doesn’t have time to struggle with this and he wants to call fuuka for assistance but he’s a little shit who hates asking for help and also it’d ruin the surprise if she knew his costume plans obviously. So basically enter aki who walks in on this and he’s like hey did you know you can read the instruction manual for help and shinji is like FUCK YOU OF COURSE I KNOW THIS and aki is like then hwhyyy are you nOT DOING IT and so they have to take a night to figure it out (date night goals) and it’s literally so difficult cuz the instructions are total gibberish to shinji but at least he knows how sewing works while aki is the opposite he can read the manual but doesn’t know shit about threads or fabric so they have to work together it’s atrocious it’s like diffusing a bomb and then other conflicts come up aki is like. Am I getting a costume too and shinji is like lol no and aki is like but I wanna be part of this joint costume thing it sounds cute and shinji is like ….did….did you think you weren’t gonna be part of this???? And aki is like YOU NEVER DISCUSSED IT WITH ME???? So poor aki just thought he was excluded from the big costume moment cuz shinji forgot to explicitly tell him that it was a thing they’d both do cuz he just thought it was obvious and this changes EVERYTHING SHINJI so they discuss their costumes and shinji is like okay cool but I’m still not making your costume for you that’s something you gotta figure out for yourself lol and then they get the machine working and shinji makes a third costume and it’s sweet but also he does get scolded for overworking himself but it’s fiiiiine it’s literally fiiiine and Ken is happy even though the costumes are really wonky cuz he thinks he looks JUST LIKE his

Blorbo and also he honestly didn’t think shinji and aki would actually go through with dressing up with him cuz he’s just so used to empty promises and not getting good things BUT THEY FOLLOWED THROUGH and they look really dorky and stupid but they match with him and they did it for him and they look like a family and oh god im crying again hold on. And they get a lot of candy obviously and side note akihiko would be that bitch who gives raisins to everyone because it’s the only candy he likes and he genuinely thinks kids would want it because ITS LITERALLY NATURES CANDY and their apartment gets egged

[dykeomania]

some things about this college hockey blahblahblab!au that i just personally like because it's actually super nice to write it idk i love this little world i've created i've deadass been thinking about this in flickers since like, last year. don't come for me my perception of college is skewed i go to a liberal arts college anyways

cat is a visual arts major, and is the first person that ellie hooked up with once she got into college. she's an only child and lowkey she would've went to art school or just not go to school at all and start tattooing or something, but college was honestly cheaper than art school and her parents are chill about a lot of things but her dad is some finance dude that actually allows her mom to be an artist so if she didn't go to college she was Lowkey going to get kicked out of the house (that's a dramatization but she literally wouldn't hear the end of it). Anyways. they went to the same prep school and played on the same hockey team, but didn't start to get close until around freshman year of college. this is around the time where cat had started to settle into her own skin a little more and ellie was kind of refinding her footing due to. Events.

ellie broke up with riley at the end of her senior(~) year, because Events and she had a moment and cut her hair to shoulder length because someone on tiktok told her to. it happened over a phone call. riley sounded civil, but ellie could tell things changed from the moment that they were flying back home from vancouver (for a hockey tournament) and riley didn't sit next to her, or even look at her. they're cool, ellie guesses. riley also plays on the same team as ellie. (riley is an anthro/philosophy or gov/philosophy double major (but she probably takes a lot of psych classes) (that's awkward so does ellie) and she makes fun of ellie for saying she's from boston. riley is actually from boston. ellie is a j-o-b (just outside of boston).

ellie's entire friend group from prep school made a pact to commit to the same college and it's extremely messy and extremely rewarding

ellie's technically adopted. she, joel, tommy, and maria all live together in the same house. everyone works. it's consistent, and hectic, and fights over money and petty shit are pretty frequent. ellie had to fight for it, but they've invested a lot of time and money into ellie's athletic passions. joel is begrudged and honestly is a shitty father figure to ellie. their relationship is like only able to be somewhat tied together through hockey. and the rest i can't tell you

ellie deadass needs to go to therapy. and it Shows.

she also has issues with intimacy. and it Shows.

she's also aaaaa.... im not sure what her major is, honestly. she might like humanities + stem double major. i wanna say she majors / minors in physics and astronomy because she thinks its cool but at the same time she probably like doesn't really fuck with the math at all (and it's not like she can't do it, she's one of those assholes that just writes shit down and somehow is able to reason her way to the right answer, but like shes usually hungover / sleep deprived but she's disciplined so she just half-asses shit instead of not doing it at all). but i feel like she definitely takes a lot of anthro or history courses and maybe that could be, like. her minor. double major. something. Or Honestly, Honestly. Honestly. maybe psych. she does take a lot of psych classes regardless though but then probably stops showing up for them when they hit too close to home Lol

ellie lowkey started her beef with abby because she was just one of those people who she just decided she hated (for a variety of reasons and all of the reasons were projections of her own personal problems. abby's life is ssoooo perfect cause her dads a dooooctor and her moms a zoooologist and they live in a gaaateeddd commuuuniityyyyy and she has expensive skaaaatteeessss and the best stiiiiiickkk and gets eveything she waaaants and ellie can't talk to her dad anymore and her mom is dead and she grew up where theres like heroin needles scattered on the ground and wore the same pair of shoes throughout her entire high school career because she didn't feel comfortable asking for anything else).....

it just solidified it when abby did one petty thing some day on like a wednesday or made some snide comment during a practice, so then ellie's friend group started talking shit about abby's friend group, and so abby's friend group started talking shit about ellie's friend group. their respective like groups of people kinda sorta let it go after a while .... but the two in the center are Still standing. ellie Fucking Hates abby. and Abby fucking Hates Ellie. for deadass no reason

anyways i'll tell you about abby another time im still figuring out what to do w her but there's. gesticulates w my apple pencil. History. there. (not Fucking history but.)

and you're there too, i guess (we'll get to you later)

and the rest i'll withhold because it's probably not much but. shrugs. just some basic things that are playing into this story that i like. my Silly Little World. my Silly Little Messy Hockey Women.

[as8bakwthesage]

Sage is a college student who lives by themselves. They are an aspiring poet and painter who makes decent money off of their work. They are also super into occult and scary shit and learning about these potentially real creatures called Alternates has always fascinated them. However, ever since Sage was very young, their parents have noticed that their fear response is very skewed. They will get scared of things, but it doesn't always happen. They have always been a weird kid as a result.

Sage and Gabriel met by complete happenstance, as Sage started having dreams about him and found him absolutely gorgeous. So they started writing poetry about him. Gabriel started taking notice that someone has been “spying” on him and investigates. He quickly discovers who Sage is and decides to try and scare them one night in their dreams. His attempts are fruitless as Sage is hardly scared by what he does and is seemingly happy that their muse of sorts finally interacts with them when he previously didn’t.

Every night, the two see each other in their dreams and actually talk to each other, with Sage being the one to pester him with questions about Alternates. They very quickly actually piece together what Gabriel is. It’s much more of a scientific curiosity than anything else. Gabriel also takes this time to ask about humans too and Sage answers to the best of their abilities. One day, Gabriel finds out where Sage lives and tracks them down, and does successfully manage to make them jump a bit when he appears from behind. Sage’s quick jumpiness is quickly brushed away by happiness to see him there which confuses him immensely. It further complicates things when after a few weeks of both dream and waking visits that Sage realises they are starting to develop feelings for him. They do their best to bury these feelings and sticks to the relatively tame friendship they have going on.

I ended up writing a one-shot where Gabriel and Sage kiss for the first time, but its brought about when the two end up having a discussion about Sage’s past lovers and how fucked up they’ve been. Gabriel ends up taking Sage into his arms and holds them closely as he reassues them that he would kill anyone who hurt them, which then leads to the two making out. Their relationship is relatively sweet and tender as Gabriel starts to participate in more human activities with them and Sage reads to him the poetry they write. Sage is notably a morally grey character as they don’t seem all that concerned about what Alternates are actually doing to people.

[malinelle]

the thing with the breakdancing dad thing is like . for clarify i am in almost the same situation as ppl think shes in i was raised by my mom who was financially neglecting me and cutting my dad off from me when he wanted to see me and she was taking the child support money he was paying her to spend on herself i am the person who is the most in a position to sympathize with him but like i just dont. bec okay

that wasnt that many videos and the fact that its all holidays and special events isnt at all contradictory with 'he was there for some big events but he wasnt There in our lives', and the fact that this is also just like how home videos tend to work makes them really not convincing "evidence" of a happy childhood. like were u expecting to see videos of her saying she fucking hates her dad and hes never there for her To The Camera. when i was with my moms side of the family obviously you smile for pictures and act cute in front of the camera bc they get mad at you if you dont! also hes REALLY invading their privacy by posting videos that arent even of her and are instead of his other kids who literally have nothing to do with this. ALSO childhood evidence is always going to be skewed in the parent's favor bc the kid straight up isnt old enough to rly be able to advocate for themselves. notice how the videos switch to photos as she gets older meaning we have no idea how they interacted when they talked and the one text message she shows is them interacting rly awkwardly like two distant acquaintances

man fuck this dude for calling it "brainwashing". like Again it literally happened to me my mom was lying to me to steal money that was meant for us but he could just. say that. the concrete thing she did wrong. instead of being like It Was The Genders.

theres no proof that he paid anything. he said millions but like he just said that. people can lie. very silly and quirky that he has video evidence of his 10 yr old kid talking about youtube as definitive proof he was a loving father but he cant figure out how to censor one of the bajillion emails they send you when you pay medical bills. tbc i dont rly think he shouldve posted either bc again sensitive information but if youre gonna doxx your kids at least do it in a way that looks less like youre trying to use unreliable footage to make an emotional appeal over the Factual Innacuracies. same thing with screenshots of all the insane bitchy things your daughter and wife are totally saying

the most damning thing: dude you have your daughters phone number. if you really had a good relationship and she was exaggerating to make a story funnier you wouldve messaged her like "??? we made lasagna together last week why didnt you tell me i abandoned you at your mothers doorstep" and she wouldve been like "im sorry father i sold you out for views" and then she wouldve made a video breaking keyfabe. personally i dont believe women are insane gender-brainwashed lunatics so i figure she had her reasons

he stresses their politics differ a lot so my actual projection is that i figure madi as a kid was fine with her dad only showing up for holidays and not really being around and wasnt really thinking about money stuff but then as she grew up she started re-examining their relationship and drifted away from him as he became a sexist bitcoin breakdancer and so eventually she had a negative enough view of him to make a pretty uncharitable video bc if you and your dad had a huge argument over him being a sexist bitcoin breakdancer and then you saw a tiktok challenge about funny trauma you might very well think "oh man. the fact that my dad divorced my mom and then started a breakdancing career is funny as hell. im going to flatten this fairly complicated family history to fit into a tiktok" and then when her dad who she doesnt like anymore made a public response she doubled down bc fuck that guy he hates women. its not like shes sending hitmen to his front door she made a mean tiktok. ppl are acting like this has destroyed his reputation but im gonna go out on a limb and say that the ppl making fun of him for being a deadbeat dad are probably not ppl who otherwise wouldve been fans of a sexist bitcoin breakdancer. i think his core audience was never gonna be shattered by this which i am more sure of bc even before he posted a reply bitcoin bros were gathering around him like protective mother birds. if he didnt want his daughter to disrespect him and re-examine his treatment of her as an adult with a more critical eye, personally i would suggest he be nicer to his daughter and not call her brainwashed or talk about how its all genders fault. i think that would really help convince her to have a more positive view of him

[hannahsmusings]

Matt

*Matt couldn’t believe that you were defending your stupid boss, knowing he had gotten to you and brainwashed you somehow with the riches and the glamour of his lifestyle, making you feel like you belonged in that world when you didn’t, shaking his head as you spoke* Be the bigger man? I’m sorry, Hannah, but I am not going to let some prick flirt with my girlfriend right in front of me and just take it. Watching him show you off and prance around with you on his arm… it made me fucking sick, do you understand that? *his voice was getting louder now too, so confused by your stance on everything, all the hope of this ending happily was fading into oblivion, his anger and jealousy making him see everything from a skewed point of view, not able to see it from your side at all* *he scoffs when you say it was a work event, setting his mug down on the coffee table since he was afraid he’d smash it, so much anger coursing through him right now* If I knew it was a bloody work event, I would’ve stayed home. You know how I feel around those people, with their stuffy personalities and vapid shallow conversations… you never should’ve invited me in the first place, especially if you were just there to work and galavant around in a room full of people you don’t belong with. I got drunk because my girlfriend was choosing her boss over me, yet again. *he was staring down at his hands as he spoke, his jaw clenched as he spits out the last few words, his heart pounding so loudly in his chest he could hear it in his ears* *his head whips up to you as you say you didn’t want to be part of the relationship anymore, his resolve breaking immediately, all that bitterness and resentment boiling to the surface* Are you fucking kidding me? Hannah, you can’t be serious. We only started fighting when you took that goddamn job! Before that, we were bloody perfect! We were talking about our future, then you went and worked for that prick and ruined everything! *he was staring at you as If you had 10 heads, having no idea where you were coming from, not believing that you’d actually leave him* That man has done a number on you, hasn’t he? You defend him at every turn yet can’t see him for what he truly is… if his plan to make me look stupid last night worked, then his plan to take you away from me and turn you into his little puppet is working quite well for him too. *he spits out those words, hating how you protected and defended a man who meant nothing to you, he was just your boss, yet Matt was your boyfriend, your partner, your best friend, and you so easily tossed him aside* You can’t seriously think you’re better off without me, can you? Over one stupid night, you’re going to throw it all away?

__________________________________________

*the way you were reacting, your anger and words filled with venom told me everything I needed to know, this was who you were and my heart broke for the soft shy man I first met, not sure how I’d ignored this other side to you for so long* *your face when you looked at me made my stomach twist with guilt, you blaming everything on me taking this job and it was so so hard for me not to fall into that trap and agree with you, realising how often I just agreed with you to keep the peace* Matt, you’re wrong. We’ve not been the same in months and you know that, this job has just made it clear to me. We want different things. *my voice was lowering to a whisper as yours was raising, going in on myself and remembering how frustrated you’d become with me and my art in that you got annoyed with mee always around the house, you hated my things being out and you hated that I wasn’t making any money, and now it was the opposite you hated that too, knowing you’d never be happy unless I was under your control* *tears fill my eyes as your words get nasty* I-I don’t want to fight with you about this. We’re not the same, I’m not happy. I just want to be happy. *the tears begin to fall thick and fast, hating that I was crying but knowing I needed to be honest*

[sineala]

How would you say fandom culture has changed over the years? What are some differences you notice between older and younger fandom folks?

I’ve been thinking for a while about how to answer this, and I’m not sure I have a really good answer, but I’m going to try.

I’ve been in fandom since approximately 1995. Maybe 1994. At that point, the world wide web was a relatively new part of the internet, and the fandoms I was in had most of their activity on privately-hosted mailing lists (predating eGroups/OneList/Yahoo Groups) and on Usenet newsgroups, with fiction beginning to be available on websites as part of either fandom-specific or pairing-specific archives as well as authors’ individual pages. Fanfiction.net did not yet exist. LiveJournal did not exist. AO3 definitely did not exist. If you wanted real-time chat, there was IRC. I was coming in basically at the tail end of zine fandom; zines were no longer the only way of distributing fanfiction, as fandom started to move online. So I have a selection of zines from 90s-era Western media fandoms but even by then zines weren’t where I was doing most of my reading.

I think in terms of generally “what it was like to be in fandom,” the big-picture stuff hasn’t changed. Fandom still produces creative fanwork and likes to, y’know, get together and talk about fandom. Also, almost every fight or complaint that fandom has about something is a thing that has been going on for actual years. People complain that, say, the kudos button is ruining comment culture because back in the LJ days the only way you could comment on a story was, well, by leaving an actual comment, or sending an email on a mailing list, and this might mean that people who would have otherwise commented have left a kudos instead. But back in the LJ and mailing list days, people were complaining that commenting was going downhill since the days of zines, when in order to comment on a story you had to write a real paper letter and mail it and because you had to do that, the quality of feedback was so much better than you got nowadays because people could just dash off a quick email or comment. You get the idea. Top/bottom wars are not new either. Pairing wars are not new. If you’ve been in fandom a while, you will pretty much have seen all the fights already. I think one thing that is new, though, is the fandom awareness of things like privilege and intersectionality and various -isms, as well as things like “providing warnings might be nice” (do you know how much unwarned deathfic I have read? a lot!) and I sure won’t say we’re perfect at any of this now, but I think fandom is trying way way more about all that stuff than it used to.

There are some fights we actually don’t have anymore, as far as I can tell. I feel like it’s been years since I’ve seen the “real person fiction is wrong” battle, but also I don’t hang out in a whole lot of RPF fandoms, so it’s possible that’s still going and I just don’t see it.

There also used to be a recurring debate about whether gay relationships that were canonical were slash or not. When slash started, obviously this wasn’t a question because there weren’t canonical gay relationships in fandoms, period. But as gay characters began to appear in media, people started to wonder “does slash mean all same-sex relationships, or does slash mean only non-canonical same-sex relationships?” Now, you may be reading this and think that sounds like an incredibly weird thing to get hung up on, but that’s because what appears to have happened is that the term “ship” (originally from X-Files Mulder/Scully fandom) has, as far as I can tell, come up and eaten most of the rest of the terminology. Now people will just say, “oh, I ship that.” For any pairing, gay or not, canonical or not. Fandom seems to have decided that for the most part it no longer actually needs a term specific to same-sex relationships as a genre.

Similarly, there are a few genres of fic that we used to have also pretty much don’t exist anymore. There are also plenty of genres that are well-entrenched now that are also extremely recent -- A/B/O comes to mind. But there are some kinds of fic we don’t write a lot of now. Like, I haven’t seen smarm in years! I also haven’t seen We’re Not Gay We Just Love Each Other in a while. There was also a particular style of slash writing where you’d basically have to explain, in detail, what made you think that these particular characters could be anything other than straight. You’d have to motivate this decision. You’d have to look at their canonical heterosexual relationships and come up with a way to explain why all those had happened in order to reconcile how this one guy could have romantic feelings for another guy. When had he figured out he wasn’t straight? Who might he have been with before? How does he interact with people in ways that make you think he’s not straight? That kind of thing. You had to, essentially, show your work. And these days a lot of fanfic is just like, “Okay, Captain America is bisexual, let’s go!” It’s... different.

Fandom also used to skew older, is my sense. A lot older. I don’t know, actually, if it really was older, but I get the sense now that there are some younger people who are surprised that adults are still in fandom. I have seen people saying these days that they think they’re too old for fanfiction because they are not in middle school anymore. And I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that the barriers to access fandom are a lot lower than they used to be. You used to basically have to be an adult with disposable income (or know an adult with disposable income who was willing to help you out; but even then if you were reading explicit fiction you also had to swear you were 18+, usually by sending in an age statement to whoever you were buying the zine from or to the mods of the list you wanted to join, so a lot of fandom was very much age-gated). Internet access was not widely available. Even if you had internet access, you maybe didn’t have your own email address, so you couldn’t sign up for mailing lists; free email providers didn’t exist. If you wanted to buy zines, you had to have money to buy them. If you wanted to go to cons, you had to be able to afford the cost of the con, travel to the con, et cetera. If you wanted to have a website you had to know HTML. Social media did not exist. You want to draw art? Guess what, you’re probably drawing it on paper! You might be able to upload a picture to your website if you have a digital camera or a scanner, but both of those things are expensive, and also a lot of people don’t have the capability or the money to download pictures from the internet (some people have data caps with overage charges, and some people have text-only connections!), so they won’t get to see it. Maybe you can sell your piece at a con! You want to make a fanvid? We called them songvids, but, anyway, you know how you’re doing that? You’re going to hook two VCRs together and smash the play and record buttons very fast! If you want anyone else to watch them, you are either making them a tape personally and mailing it to them or bringing your vids to a convention. Maybe you can digitize them and upload them, but it’s going to take people hours to download them!

(Every three hours my ISP would kick me off the internet and I’d have to dial in again. If it was a busy time of day, it might take me 20 or 30 minutes to get a connection again. And that was assuming no one else in the house needed to use the phone line. Imagine if your modem went out every three hours now.)

And now, for the cost of my internet connection, I can read pretty much whatever fanfiction I want, whenever I want it. I can see all the fanart I want! I can watch vids! Podfic exists now! Fanmixes exist! Gifsets and moodboards exist! If I want to write fic I can write it with programs that are completely free, and as soon as I post it everyone in the entire world can read it. If I want to draw or make vids that may require some additional investment, but I may also be able to do it with things I already have. Do you have any idea how good we all have it?

There are a couple of kinds of fan activity that don’t seem to exist anymore, though, and I miss them. I know that roleplaying still goes on, but I feel like these days most people who do real-time text roleplay have switched to things like Discord. I know that in the LJ days, RP communities were popular. But I really miss MU*s (MUDs, MUSHes, MOOs, MUXes..), which were servers for real-time text-based RP with a bunch of... hmm... features to aid RP. There were virtual rooms with text descriptions, and objects in virtual rooms with descriptions, and your character had a description, and they could interact with the objects as well as with other characters, and you could program things to change descriptions or emit various kinds of text or take you to different rooms, and so on. Just to, y’know, enhance the atmosphere. It was fun and it was where I learned to RP and I’m sad they’re pretty much gone now.

I also don’t think I see a lot of fanfiction awards in fandoms. Wonder where they went.

Going back to the previous point, the barriers to actually consuming the canon you are fannish about are way, way, way lower now. You can pretty much take it for granted that if right now someone tells you about a shiny new fandom, there will be a way to read that book or watch that show or movie right now. Possibly for free! Of course you can watch it! Why wouldn’t you be able to?

This was absolutely, absolutely not the case before. I’m currently in Marvel Comics fandom. If there is a comic I want to read, I can read it right now on the internet. I have subscribed to Marvel Unlimited and I can read pretty much every comic that is older than three months old; the newer ones cost extra money. But I can do it all from the comfort of my own home right now. I was also, actually, in Marvel Comics fandom in the nineties. If I wanted to read a comic, I had to go to a comic book store and hope they had it in stock; if they didn’t, I had to try another store. Not a lot of comics were available in trade paperback and they definitely weren’t readable on the internet. I used to read a lot of Gambit h/c fic set after Uncanny X-Men #350. I never found a copy of UXM #350. I still haven’t! But I did eventually read it on Unlimited.

Being in TV show fandoms also had similar challenges. Was the show you were watching still on the air? No? Then you’d better hope you could find it in reruns, or know someone who had tapes of it that they could copy for you, otherwise you weren’t watching that show. It was, I think, pretty common for people to be in fandoms for shows they hadn’t seen, because they had no way to see the show, but they loved all the fanfic. The Sentinel had a whole lot of fans like that, both because I think it took a while for it to end up in reruns and because overseas distribution was probably poor. So you’d get people who read the fic and wrote fic based on the other fic they’d read, which meant that you got massive, massive amounts of fanon appearing that people just assumed was in the show because it was a weirdly specific detail that appeared in someone’s fic once. Like “Jim and Blair’s apartment has a small water heater” (not actually canonical) or “Blair is a vegetarian” (there’s an episode where his mother visits and IIRC cooks him one of his favorite meals, which is beef tongue).

Like, I was in The Professionals fandom for years. I read all the fic. I hadn’t seen the show. As far as I know, it never aired in the US, and it certainly never had any kind of US VHS or DVD release. I’d seen a couple songvids. I eventually saw a couple episodes in maybe 2003, and that was because my dad special-ordered a commercial VHS tape from the UK and paid someone to convert it from PAL to NTSC. I didn’t get to see the whole show until several years later when I got a region-free DVD player someone in fandom sent me burned copies of the UK DVD releases and then I special-ordered the commercial release of the DVDs from the UK myself. But if I were a new fan and wanted to watch Pros right now? It is on YouTube! For free!

I think also one of the things about fandom that’s not immediately evident to new fans is the way in which it is permanent and/or impermanent. There are probably people whose first fannish experience is on Tumblr or who only read fanfic on FFN and who have no idea what they would do if either site, say, just shut down. But if you’ve been in fandom a while, you’ve been through, say, Discord, Tumblr, Twitter, Pillowfort, Imzy, DW, JournalFen, LJ, GeoCities, IRC, mailing lists. And sure, if Tumblr closed, it would be inconvenient. But fandom would pack up and move somewhere else. You would find it again. It would, eventually, be okay. Similarly, if you’ve been in a lot of fandoms, if you’ve made a lot of friends, drifting through fandoms is like that. You’ll make a friend in 1998 because you were in the same fandom, and then you might go your own ways, and ten years later you might be in another fandom with them again! It happens.

But the flip side of that is that I think a lot of older fans have learned not to trust in the permanence of any particular site. If you like a story, you save it as soon as you read it. If you like a piece of art, you save it. If you like a vid, you save it. Because you don’t know when the site it’s on will be gone for good. I have, like, twenty years of lovingly-curated fanfic. And I feel like people who have only been in fandom since AO3 existed might not understand how much AO3 is a game-changer compared to what we had before. It’s a site where you can put your fic up and you don’t have to worry that the webhost is going out of business, or that the site might delete your work because they don’t allow gay fiction or explicit fiction or fiction written in second person or fiction for fandoms where the creator doesn’t like fanfiction, or whatever. Because all of those things have absolutely happened. But, I mean, I still save pretty much everything I like, even on AO3, just in case.

So, basically, yeah, fandom is a whole lot more accessible than it used to be. I think fandom is pretty much still fandom, but it’s a lot easier to get into, and that has made it way more open to people who wouldn’t have been able to be in fandom before. There is so, so much more now than there ever was before, and I think that’s great.

[terrence-silver]

What would Terry be like with an ex-wife who somehow managed to divorce him? Would he still keep an eye on everything they do? Would he try to find a way to regain control of them? Would he attempt to contact them often? Do you think he would pretend that he's a better and changed person after the divorce to try and get his ex partner to trust him and be with him again?

In some of your posts it has been discussed that it would be incredibly difficult to escape Terry so it got me wondering what it would be like if someone managed to at least legally separate themselves from him. But I imagine Terry will not let their separation last long.

I don't think one can divorce really Terry, like, I don't imagine it.

One can separate, but not divorce.

And even separation, actual separation is a difficult ordeal.

That includes running away.

I imagine Terry would be capable of deliberating a divorce and it's legal proceedings for years, if not decades, out of sheer rage and the need to have the upper hand, using all his money and influence to achieve just that, going through entire teams of lawyers, one group inheriting the other overtime, including pulling connections, buying off judges, managing the efforts to bribe and skew the law countless times and prolong the process of it to tortuous, impossible lengths purely to ensure his beloved's never, ever, ever truly free of him and that he stays in control, even when he feels himself mellowing out. He isn't letting go. He can't and won't. Not if he's genuinely in love, dark and possessive as his love may be. If he bothered marrying them in the first place --- actually marrying them and giving them the Silver name, which should be, in his opinion, an honor all by itself, he'll make damn sure that they keep that same name out of spite at this point, even if nobody knows, or people simply forgot he's actively married and currently being divorced because it just took so damn long. That being said, the divorce procedure might easily start around 1985 and still be ongoing in 2022 all while he pretends not to know a single thing on why it's taking so much and he might even act all tenderly apologetic and two faced about it, all while he very much personally influenced this bureaucratic nightmare and then just pretended to be all chill about it. He'd literally sooner be the type of person to make himself a widower, as morbid as that sounds, then a divorcee. Because, if he's a widower, his beloved is still his, in death. They're still the late Mrs. or Mr. Terry Silver and not an ex. They still belong to him, as such. Because, if they're an ex, it means all control is lost and they slipped away and he cant have that. Beloved must be trapped. I think he's used people before and he had relationships and affairs and adventures a plenty (some of these, during his marriage --- but god forbid you do the same), but if Terry actually bothers entering a marriage with someone, it's not a marriage that can be broken, separated or annulled ever and of course he'd watch them. He'd watch and collect information on them constantly. That's his spouse, after all. It's his job and right. He's devoted in his own way, even when not with them.

[unsaidholland]

roll with the feeling | h. holland

hey besties! this blurb was lowkey inspired by iii. telegraph ave. by childish gambino :) this has been in the works for a few months now but i hope you like it! 

warnings: none? reader is a bit of a bitch but it’s fine ig, rich kid!harry x reader au lolsies

“come over,” you said on the phone, and harry was instantly in the car and on his way. he was making dinner, but spending time with you was better than any dinner he could’ve made for himself, mainly because he was a shit cook. 

harry found himself speeding and almost running red lights just trying to get to you, but he still didn’t understand the hold you had on him. it was clear that there were feelings involved, but he wasn’t ready to settle down. that being said, he would do anything for you. whenever he’s at his house and he’s feeling lonely, he thinks about you. you were all that he wanted, but why wasn’t he ready to slow down?

with his hands at two and ten and his foot on the gas, harry found himself wishing away everything that was slowing his drive down. he never really minded the drive, but the more he thought about you, he wondered how bad settling down would be. maybe he wanted to die there with you - didn’t matter if it was of old age or being murdered in cold blood - but he realized if you were beside him everything would be okay. 

it was an odd type of love that he felt. harry couldn’t really describe it, but on the drive over to your place, he thought of things he never thought of before. harry never imagined growing old with you where you lived. you were only a town over, only thirty minutes away, but it never felt right. he was nervous knowing that if you asked him to stay with you forever in that tiny godforsaken town, harry would stay, because he’d do anything for you if you asked. 

the sound of the bell ringing at the train crossing suddenly made the ginger think about if the two of you got married. you both were still so young, he was sure it would’ve started something. he just couldn’t help but picture you in the white wedding dress, looking more like an angel than ever. he could see it all. the reception, the outfits, the first dance, everything. harry could picture you walking down the aisle, the biggest smile on both of your faces. maybe one day he would ask you to marry him, but he was sure that it wouldn’t be any time soon. he pushed the thought away as the rail lifted and he was able to drive through. 

headlights from the other cars passing shone in his eyes as they passed harry on the roads. though it was late on a weekday, the town was alive and bustling with people going into restaurants or coming out of shops. maybe the town wasn’t that bad, but it wasn’t where harry wanted to die.

you were ready to settle down. you and harry had completely different visions for the next five or so years of your life, and he knew that, but that still wasn’t enough to stop him from coming over. you had completely different lifestyles, and he knew that too. he grew up with an absurd amount of money, he was lucky in that sense, but what really was luck? was harry actually lucky for being rich and having a vacation house somewhere on a beach? or was he lucky that his parents were always going on business trips, leaving him with his brothers and their nanny?

you were well off, sure, but nowhere near how well off harry was. your parents weren’t struggling to make ends meet, but as you went into uni there was a little bit of fear surrounding that, your parents just never showed it. 

the radio was playing some old bruno mars song that worked to fill the silence of the car. his phone went off, and as he glanced at it he saw that you had tweeted.

10 likes and i’ll drop everything and move away

you always did this, tweeted your feelings. why couldn’t you just say what you felt? why did harry have to always find out on social media? he thought that he felt the l-word towards you, but this always made him second guess if he wanted to stay involved with you.

the phone went off again.

imagine always coming over but not moving in w your gf despite all her hints, could not be me

you always did this. you always tweeted everything you for whatever reason couldn’t say to him, and he hated it. but he loved you.

he shook his head at the tweets before turning down another street. for whatever reason, he hated your stupid town. he hated the stupid people in your stupid town, and he hated how far you were from him, but he wouldn’t change anything. the drive wasn’t bad, but he loved you and that seemed to make up for everything. 

harry loved you and you loved him, but somehow that wasn’t enough. one day it would be, and harry was determined to show you that.

•••

the two of you laid in bed. you were wearing his shirt, and he was shirtless. sporting nothing but his grey sweatpants, you laid on harry’s bare chest just listening to his heartbeat.

thump thump, thump thump, thump thump

your mind drifted off to the relationship. you always did this. for one reason or another, you seemed to always analyze every little piece of it. out of habit, you looked at everything on the internet - what they were saying about you, about harry - which made your analyzing worse. you couldn’t bear to just believe that he was putting this much effort, but maybe the internet skewed you vision of a relationship. maybe the internet skewed your vision of harry. 

he was rich, you knew that. he still had a regular nine-to-five job, you knew that. but he had a huge house all to himself and a trust fund. he had an expensive audi that he drove around, and he had staff to take care of the house. how could you ever compete with anyone who ever had him? maybe you closed yourself off from him emotionally because of that. maybe all your insecurities - which caused all the fights and arguments - were because you were so sure that he deserved better. at the same time though, all you wanted was him and you knew that all he wanted was you.

your mind drifted off from analyzing and onto planning. the future seemed so uncertain, but you wanted harry there. you wanted harry with you when you bought a house together. you wanted to have kids with him, you wanted everything. you needed everything.

“do you think we’ll ever have kids together?” you blurted out. you wanted him to say yes so badly. you wanted him to tell you that he’s thought about the future with you, but a part of you wanted him to say no and you weren’t sure why.

“darling, i’ll marry you if that’s what you want. i’d do anything for you and with you.” 

you looked up at him and he showed no signs of telling a fib. you knew he wasn’t ready to settle down, and you knew that he hated your town, but it was clear he loved you more than that. 

“really?” 

“yeah, of course.” 

the moonlight shone in through the windows, barely lighting up the room. his arm around you pulled you in closer as his thumb began to rub circles into your hips. you shifted so you could leave a kiss on his cheek, the small intimate act showing more of your emotions than your words ever could. you felt safe with him, you felt at home.

“we’re turning thirty soon,” harry pointed out. 

“hmm?”

he shifted so he was on his side and facing you. as he was figuring out what to say, you studied his face. you looked at the faint freckles on his cheeks, the birthmark by his mouth, the fluttering of his eyelashes as he blinked. without even realizing it, your hand moved to cup his face as if it wanted to make sure he was real and that he was there.

“don’t you think we should settle down? get a house together? maybe you could move in or something, but i think it’s time baby, i really do.”

a sharp inhale. a deep exhale. repeat. 

were you ready for that? were you ready to start the rest of your life with him? 

“you don’t even have to move in with me, we can find a place here or something,” harry nervously rambled. your eyebrows furrowed as you thought about it more. were you ready? 

you could feel harry studying your expression. you could feel his eyes trace every line in your face, the way your eyes couldn’t meet his and stayed on his shoulder. he studied the way you started biting the inside of your cheek, and quickly cupped your face in his hand.

“i love you, and whatever you decide i’ll be there.” his thumb caressed your cheek and you immediately melted under his touch. 

you weren’t ready, but you would roll with it anyways. 

“let’s be roomies holland.”

-

harry holland taglist: @euphorichxlland

anything and everything taglist: @hollanderfangirl @hxrryhxlland @ohmy-moonlightx @hollandscherie @notsosmexy @writertoo18 @icyhollands @petersasteria @lehmehgeh @call-me-baby-gir1 @cosmiccaptian

[psychicreadsgirl]

hi! i apologize for just chiming in here out of the blue, but i was just wondering; don’t you think that your currently hosted ask game will leave a tremendously negative and an extremely toxic effect on how these people will view their significant others in the future? chances are, majority of those (if not all) whom get their request answered will be subconsciously looking for those very particular issues in their partners when they will eventually get into a relationship. you bend the narrative and distort reality, and frankly, it’s disgusting. it’s clear that the “future spouse/lover” games have become immensely popular in the past few months or so and, admittedly, they can be fun and all, but you should know that is has its limits. i think you should be holding a lot more responsibility toward your followers. have a great day.

I give a balance on the good and bad for people's future relationships. Last time I did an ask game about future lover's talents and skills.

I don't see doing a negative ask game as not being responsible. It is unhealthy doing only the positives of a relationship. It gives a very romanticized idea of a relationship.

Relationships are tough work. There will be unhappy and sad moments. There will be happy times too. There will be disagreements too. There will be fun times too.

This ask game is merely to let people know what things they will dislike about 1 of their future lovers. This is done from the asker's POV. Many times the situations are not what the person who sent the ask are really like. A lot of it is perspective and I see this as a way for people to understand their perspective and to see potential problems that may arise between them and their future lovers.

I will give you some examples.

1. There are some people who are very particular about how things should be cleaned. Naturally they will run into issues a lot of times with their partners about their partners' cleanliness. To a 3rd person, that partner might actually be clean but to the person who asked me the ask game, their partner is too messy for them to handle. If I tell them that this is what they will dislike about their future partner, then they can be aware that this is where fights may start. Usually compromise will need to be made. Either 1 partner adapts to the other's way of cleaning, they both agree that 1 person does all the cleaning and the other does something else like cooking, they agree to hire a cleaner, or they come up with a different solution. Worst case, they just break up because both are unable to compromise.

2. There are some people who will have partners who are very passionate about some hobby or who will be good at a particular skill/interest like playing computer games or surfing. While those people may have been initially attracted to their partners' talents, these people may also feel that their partners may be too invested in those hobbies. The couple will need to work on this.

3. There are also some people who have partners who are workaholics yet they also want partners who can spend time with them, earn a lot of money, be hardworking, be fun, etc. Those partners who are workaholics will choose their work over their partners most of the time. It is hard for someone who is dedicated to their work, passionate about it, and is responsible to say no to a situation at work that calls for their attention. But then their partner (A) may have scheduled a special date and will feel upset about them cancelling it.

Back in the day, A may have fallen for B due to B's responsible attitude, dedication to work, and earning capability or position at work. Well for B to have gotten there, B likely had had to put time to their work and made sacrifices to get to where they are and will continue to put time to their work. But then A feels neglected and can't stand how they're so busy or how they choose work over them.

Well then what to do? Either:

a) A will have to accept that that is how B is and understand that if they want B to be able to keep their job and still provide for A, then A will have to be independent; or

b) B finds another job (likely having to take a pay cut due to a complete change in their job or taking fewer responsibilities) and starts to dedicate their time to A (usually the A ppl sort of personalities will then find B to be lazy or to be not rich enough); or

c) A and B break up; or

d) Other creative situation that the two can think of.

The problem with A people personalities (not talking about Blood Type A here) is that they want that perfect lover who can give them everything (fun, money, love, loyalty, time, etc.) Unfortunately that is impossible.

If I see someone has a very skewed perspective about a situation, I give them some extra notes about it. Sometimes someone might be too sensitive about their partner's friendships with others and think their partner is always cheating when they are not. I give them that word of advice. Whether they choose to listen is another story.

I would appreciate that you refrain from calling me "disgusting". Thank you. I hope you too have a good day.

[life-rewritten]

WE BEST LOVE  (FIGHTING MR 2ND) ShouZhen and The Acceptance of Feelings, Love and Self

Warning this was really hard to write, I tried to be as sensitive as I could but if I have said anything ableist or wrong, and I need to be educated please let me know. I don’t mean to do that but when it comes to these two, I do have a degree in Clinical Psychology but there might be parts of me that are still ignorant, uneducated or insensitive to the community I don’t mean to be that way. So trigger warning(TW) for people, there are some ‘ableist’ comments or wording that I have to say when talking about a situation from someone’s perspective, let me know if there’s anything problematic about this analysis and I will try and edit and change anything that is wrong information, or offensive.

Oh god. This was a journey for me. This show like stuns me, I mean I’ve always known I would be obsessed with Xuan and Shouyi from We Best Love because they remind me of like a lot of couples I watched last year (Korean Psycho but it’s okay which kind of deals with the same themes in a different way, Flower of evil a bit more intense but still the same themes about society and ableism etc), so I’ve been waiting to write about them and discuss them in detail. Episode 3 just made me finally crack and start analysing them. I think the thing with We Best Love is that I am very surprised  by how this season has just been so good, and deep, and mature but at the same time it’s very risky what they’re trying to do. It can lead to backlash and offense caused if its not done properly. So take that with a grain of salt, as much as I am enjoying these choices I do know it could change in the last two episodes, I’m holding out hope though that this show will stay the way I think it’s going to go, I don’t think the writers mean to be problematic or insensitive I actually they’re trying to do the opposite but we shall see. Let’s get into analysing these two. I promise you this is worth reading despite the length. Let me know what you think 😊

So small summary we have Shouyi from season 1, he’s our cold hearted doctor, he is insensitive to people, he says things and does things without care about how it affects others, he rolls his eyes at Shide’s suffering with love because he thinks it’s stupid. He’s funny but there’s something missing for him, he can’t help but be drawn to someone who he thinks is a problem and wants to avoid but actually he also wants to keep and protect forever. And we have Xuan that person he’s someone who is autistic, he is smart, indifferent to people, he is in his own world and he is very set on Shouyi. Xuan has been chasing after Shouyi since high school when he first met him, and he’s determined to not give up on his love and determined to make Shouyi see that he also feels the same way. At first it seems like a typical unrequited obsessive storyline we see in BLs but there’s so much more to it than that and that’s why I adore this couple. Let’s break it down

As much as Shouyi is misunderstanding his heart, he’s also misunderstanding Xuan’s heart. He thinks Xuan’s feelings/belief of feelings is stemmed from his diagnosis of Xuan’s situation, so he thinks Xuan is ‘childish’ due his autistic tendencies, his other disorders, but before we go into more detail  on this base about why he refuses to accept Xuan’s feelings as real or long lasting, let’s talk about all the other reasons that others including Shouyi himself has given for why even though Shouyi and Xuan are two people who are in love with each other, (it’s a requited but they don’t know trope oddly even though it’s formed like a unrequited pining one sided love from Xuan to Shouyi), Shouyi refuses to acknowledge Xuan’s feelings and his.

 Logic vs Feelings

Teacher/Student: Morals, Laws and Age

Let’s first look at the first reason: the teacher/student issue that Shouyi used as an excuse in his head for why they couldn’t be together 15 years ago. A lot of people when trying to understand or form reasons why they thought Shouyi ran away from Xuan 15 years ago say that it’s because they were a taboo situation because he was essentially an older adult with a minor? A teacher student situation right?  So he felt logically and morally that they shouldn’t be together so they avoided crossing that boundary. This may be why he gave Xuan that ultimatum of finding him when he’s older and if they find each other again then Xuan can have a chance to chase after him though it’s a lie. And logically that makes sense, the teacher and student trope in romance love stories and BL can somewhat seem predatory and bring up those issues of consent, age and other topics. So normally it’s an uncomfortable thing to deal with, it does seem like Xuan was very young if we’re thinking he’s 30? Then he may have been 15-18 when they first met so there was definitely an age gap between them and Xuan was definitely a minor who probably shouldn’t be in a relationship with a teacher. It’s very good of Shouyi to turn away from Xuan at that time even if he did have his own feelings for him. Shouyi was a teacher figure, a protective guardian that Xuan kept seeking help and guidance from. My guess is that Shouyi saw how Xuan had transformed from the first time he met him to someone more healthier and better and felt uncomfortable when Xuan confessed how he felt and made it known that he wanted Shouyi to see him in a romantic way. So yes, the logical/moral reason for why Shouyi pushed Xuan away makes sense but I feel like there’s more to it than just that.

In the Taiwanese wiki because I’m not sure if this information will show up in the show anymore but Shouyi’s character was written as someone who was resentful to his parents because they forced him to do medicine. He ended up studying medicine but to spite them instead of becoming a doctor he actually chose to be a teacher/high school doctor which provided less money and skewed their expectations. Later he’d become a university doctor before finally quitting all that and choosing to run a bistro/café. Shouyi did not really mean to become a protective figure in his highschool doctor role, we see him as well in university he doesn’t do the role of a teacher/helper, he’s just logically following  the rules/operations that the medical occupation does. He’s also very rough with how he takes care of his patients and he doesn’t bother to make them feel safe/or cared for or whatever, he’s abrupt, rude and cold. But as we start to uncover when we finally go into the past so I will be also using their trailer/music video to analyse with this essay, , once Xuan came to Shouyi for protection and nurture, (latched onto him like a baby bird) Shouyi did offer guidance and care and knowledge to Xuan helping him want to do more, want to learn more, want to be more and grow so he did essentially without meaning to ended up in a teacher role for Xuan which is why he sees Xuan as a child in need of advice, guidance and immature/naïve. This is why even after they reunite Shouyi still thinks Xuan has the same characteristics and childish actions as he did when he was 15.

The Doctor/Patient Situation: Healing, Obligation, Protection

 The medical aspect of their relationship is important as well because both are connected to psychological disorders and Shouyi is again a guiding role and Xuan is a patient. Shouyi thinks because he’s studied medicine about the scientific explanations as a doctor about the disorders that Xuan has, what it entails, what it could lead to, how characteristics may be described and he rationalises and kind of judges/ stereotypes in my opinion ideas about why Xuan feels the way he does, or acts the way he does. So instead of seeing Xuan as more than a patient, his mind automatically sees him as someone with his condition rather just a person with feelings.  I’m not going to lie I think there’s a bit of ableism from how Shouyi treats Xuan because he doesn’t see him as someone able to function without his disorder, he kind of rationalises and only sees him as one static stereotype and is constantly diagnosing him. But I do think that’s something the show may want to call out, when they show how Xuan is treated by people or seen  by people because it does look like people automatically see Xuan as his disorder instead of just Xuan as himself. They blame a lot of things it seems on their mindset of what they think his disorder causes which is ableist. I think this is something Xuan has had to probably deal with since he was younger, and that’s why he’s so protective and adamant in letting people know he’s not sick he’s okay, he’s normal, he’s okay being himself, he’s not a threat, he’s not an issue etc. So I think we may have a commentary more on this in the subtext. But Shouyi is ironic when he plays a role in this because I think he is also someone who people are ableist to, I think he’s also like that to himself, because he also has a psychological disorder that makes people see him as that. Shide does mention how he should have known Shouyi won’t do anything for someone’s good, but for his own selfishness since he has his disorder in season 1, and I think just like Xuan this is something he had to learn a lot and accept about himself hence his issue with romance. So Xuan is an antithesis to Shouyi he’s more aggressive and protective and doesn’t like how society views him but Shouyi seems to have embraced and accepted his disorder and has a mindset that he’s exactly that and has also accepted  how people expect him to act.

Anyway because of how he views Xuan (like how others do) he decides that the reason for why Xuan is into him can be explained psychologically; he’s a child in need of a figure to latch onto he’s somehow attached himself to Shouyi (filail imprinting) because he was overexposed to him. There is so many psychological theories on attachment and imprinting, but this reminds of the baby duck syndrome. This is an effect when someone gets exposed to something/they learn about it, they immediately latch onto this as the best thing compared to anything else and thus can’t change or move away from it. Anyway what I’m trying to get at is that Shouyi thinks Xuan’s attachment to him can be explained by psychology because Xuan is like a child who has latched him onto him as his only comfort/hope/joy whatever, because of that Xuan is deluding himself into thinking that’s love. With this syndrome the duckling is willing to be obsessed, sacrificial, just determined to be near that thing that matters to them so Xuan’s focus and determination to be with Shouyi can be explained in his head like that. So he sees Xuan’s feelings for him is seen not as love but as an imprint seeing him as a guardian figure, teacher figure, father figure etc. Someone who can take care of him.

With Xuan’s actions you could see how Shouyi who has no idea about feelings would think so. When they first meet, Xuan was very protective and defensive hence quite violent in order to protect himself, he was even very scared and distrustful of Shouyi at first, (my theories is that he was probably defensive because he was constantly bullied and treated badly because of how some people saw his disorder). But somehow Shouyi manages to calm him down and show him care by taking care of his wounds etc, and it causes Xuan to notice that he feels safe and he cares about being with this person.

So with all that said, obviously again in Shouyi’s head there’s a logical/scientifical reason for why he doesn’t want to acknowledge or believe Xuan’s feelings as long lasting or real. Again it makes sense, a doctor/patient relationship again borders on a lot of moral questions and lines that need to be discussed with/dealt with before they can be together. Xuan was seen by Shouyi as someone unstable, violent, self harming, depressed, etc He was seen as a patient in need of help so as someone playing the role of his care taker/ doctor that’s the only thing that he should be to him. But again I think yes logically he thinks this way but I also think knowing Shouyi these are all excuses for why he actually cares for Xuan. There is definitely a difference with how he pays attention to Xuan despite acting like he doesn’t care, there is definitely more feelings of protectiveness and worry for Xuan, and although he complains about not wanting Xuan near him, there is a lot of feeling lack, emptiness and discomfort without him there which I think he’s going to learn more about this season when he finally truly pushes Xuan away. In season 1, all Shouyi did was pine and think about Xuan, he held onto Xuan’s items and refused to let them go, he held onto them like a memory and its odd, he also gets very angry when Shide takes some of those memories and gets rid of them (the noodles) and it causes him to be spiteful but Shide thinks he’s being spiteful because of course he’s spiteful, he’s Shouyi with an emotional disorder he doesn’t care. Shide didn’t understand what those memories meant for Shouyi which is important. Because Shouyi doesn’t clock that, that’s a sign that he does miss and does want Xuan by his side.

So in my mind he is in love/or did have those feelings even after episode 3 when they kiss. But he reverts to using logic to explain why it’s happening, he uses logic to remove the importance and sentiments of emotions and feelings concerning how Xuan treats him and how he treats Xuan. Why they are connected. So as a teacher the moral obligation to guide and teach and help Xuan is why he cares. As a doctor the psychological consequences of not preventing Xuan from hurting himself or going too far is the reason for why he must nurture, and protect him/carry him. And the thing is they both really again compliment each other though like I said even if they had feelings, they shouldn’t have crossed that boundary 15 years ago, but I want to explain why they’re a good couple and why they fit.

Love and Influence, Growth and Companionship

First of all they both have an influence on each other to be better/ to grow/ to learn. So from Xuan it’s clear there was a transformation from his 15 year old self without Shouyi to who he is now. I’m pretty sure his job interests, his ability to trust, and have hope for the future is connected to him discovering all that when he was spending time with Shouyi. Shouyi clearly made him see things differently, helped him with some lifestyle enquiries like he wanted him to be proud of him, he wanted to protect both of them so he took up boxing (we see him always constantly boxing in the office, he just learnt how to be more healthier (not because being autistic is being unhealthy but his actions were unhealthy when he was younger because he was self-harming etc). We also get to see how different he gets when he’s with Shouyi, he’s more confident, calmer, happier, just very lively and excited and it’s so adorable but also makes sense. Xuan is no longer hateful of people around him (not because of his disorder but because of how people around him probably treated him), or violent (he’s only violent for protection and defense) and actually we see in episode 3 him feeling very upset and guilty when he fights and Shouyi sees him because it seems like Shouyi made him promise to stop using violence as his first reaction to things, so he felt upset because he didn’t want to disappoint him. But we see in the future he’s not only better, but he works along Shide and he is a actually in a big role in the company he works for.

For Shouyi, Xuan makes him learn about his emotions that he thought he couldn’t have, Xuan leads him on a self discovery journey, to understand more about who he is and not what society thinks he is, or not what some diagnosis claims he is, and for him to know that he can have love and he can be happy. Xuan also represents to him ease, comfort and hope not yet but soon despite the fact that on the surface he tries to push him away, I’m sure this season we see him also relax, trust and just be more open to feelings the way he hasn’t been able to want to be because of others. They both have this message of making the other know that there’s nothing wrong with who they are, they’re normal and live a happy life despite what people have said or treated them as.

Deyi vs Shouzhen; Mirrors of Each Other

In a way Xuan is a mirror image to another character we know who he thinks has Shouyi’s heart Shide. Because the reason why Shide fell for Shuyi young, was because Shuyi was someone who he felt safe with, listened to, cared for, (same reasons why Xuan fell for Shouyi), Shide felt Shuyi led him to growth and purpose and determination to be strong and hope (again same as Xuan and Shouyi) and so because of his feelings he was determined to be near Shuyi and now in season 2, show Shuyi his devotion and love (again same  as Xuan to Shouyi). The love that they have for their person is automatic, uncontrollable, unconditional but also passionate and it makes them determined to be something to that person, to be with that person and to be in a position where they can protect that person. They both don’t mind if it’s one sided or if the love is more on their side than the other because the happiness they feel is by being with them and seeing them happy.

On the other hand Xuan and Shuyi struggle to actually realise their feelings that are also there just not prominent because they have a mindset stuck on logic, judgement but also on perceived societal opinions/rules. Let me explain so for Shuyi it’s because of his determination to not fall for men (because he had  internalised homophobia (IH)  something that is a theme that runs with him and Shide, it’s because of IH he automatically thinks Shide would choose a girl over him and get married and have a kid, it’s because of IH dealing with his father and the shareholders situation and the position of being his father’s heir that made him also say that he didn’t want to fall for a guy when he first realised how he felt for Shide), because of this he never saw Shide’s actions as romantic even when Shide was telling him/confessing to him in episode 2 in season 1, he always misunderstood Shide’s actions and intentions. This is the same as Shouyi who isn’t because of IH but because of ‘ableism’/raised with an ableist societal mindset  that makes him misunderstand Xuan’s actions  and also his own feelings and also it’s because of his own position (teacher/doctor role) that makes him also avoidant of dealing his feelings for Xuan in season 2.

Which is why I adore season 2, again in my previous analysis of this season, the aim of this season is to focus on maturity, real life issues, discussions and commentary on certain things because the characters in season 1 were more naïve, immature and starting out into the world, so its more prone to happiness, and love and all that (this is why season 1 was so light, and less angsty) when our characters grow older, the issues/topics that were hidden in season 1, (Shuyi and Shide’s miscommunication and misunderstanding about their actual feelings and their views on sexuality, Shouyi’s disorder and his mindset, etc) now have to be dealt with, discussed about but also fought with. Now every one has to fight for their path and deal with more serious conversations surrounding these things. That’s why it’s not a surprise season 2 is more angsty, more dramatic, more serious, it’s meant to be a mirror image of season 1, but just more elevated and deeper and more severe than what they had or what they knew when they were younger. That’s how life gets the more you’re older. That’s why I adore this show because yes season 2 is very different and more risky (they really took a risk with how they did season 2 as you can see a lot of people felt blindsided because they didn’t see the subtext and hints in season 1 when it was always there) but I like that it’s risky, I like that it’s tackling these issues, I like it’s more mature and serious but it still is We Best Love, it’s still a story about the innocent love going to passionate love before becoming the real pure definition of covenant love (unconditional, soulmate, growth, self love, self acceptance, communication and understanding). This is seriously why I love this show, I’m sad for the people who don’t see it as this because it’s always been the aim of the script writer to make it this way.

 Nature vs Nurture

Back to Shouyi and Xuan. Actually back to the funny thing about Shide and Shouyi. So Shouyi and Shide are cousins it’s been told to us but every time there’s a plot with their love interests there’s a misunderstanding that leads to a growth/elevation in their relationships because their partners misunderstand what they are to each other. In season 1, Shuyi’s jealousy about them makes him confess out loud he knows Shide’s feelings this leads to them finally dealing with the truth and coming out to each other. Shide does think Shouyi acted this way because he was angry but its actually because Shouyi is protective and caring to Shide in his own way even if he thinks he can’t care about people. The reason why he did what he did is because he wanted Shide to stop suffering in an unrequited love with Shuyi, he wanted to help but he used another excuse to explain away his emotions/feelings which is exactly his character and what we see he’s doing with Xuan. So with Shouyi he does care about people, he does have emotions but because of his diagnosis/ people told him, he doesn’t believe he does because I’m sure he struggles understanding what he feels.  But Yes so again with Xuan and Shouyi there’s a misunderstanding by Xuan that Shouyi loves Shide, which is going to play a part in their relationship, Shouyi uses this lie to push Xuan away and he thinks it’s a solution of making Xuan stop loving him. Because he thinks love is painful from watching Shide, he thinks the results of love isn’t worth it because he sees Shide suffer constantly because of his own feelings but I think he also envies them whenever they’re happy like we saw in the finale of season 1, he goes to drink looking contemplative and sad. He’s lonely. So again on the surface Shouyi thinks love is over rated and stupid but actually inside he feels empty and wants it but he thinks he’s unable to have that.

Let’s discuss Shouyi’s ‘disorder’ because it’s still very hard to process what he actually has. We know he thinks he’s emotionally defective like he isn’t able to feel emotions, or care about people. He can’t form emotional connections to people, he just sees them as nothing important. The only way I could rationalise or understand is to kind of group it with another disorder even I don’t know if it is that because I don’t think he’s a sociopath, but I see some of his symptoms close to ASPD? Or I guess I also think it’s just Alexithymia which is lack of emotional awareness where he doesn’t know what emotion he’s feeling but he does have it. Either way what I see with his symptoms is that he’s not unable to feel emotions I think he just doesn’t know or understand emotions/ feelings, so it’s like an obstacle or like it’s a challenge for him to fully come to terms with the idea of emotions and all that so he withdraws from that and sees himself as unable to feel or care.

This is my guess because it’s quite hard to understand his diagnosis when there’s not enough yet explained about what he does struggle with. Either way its either he doesn’t understand what emotions he’s feeling or he has lack of them. I think it’s the latter because I can see that he shows care to people and he’s protective and helpful to people he feels close to. (this is just what I’m seeing). Either way the similarities with Shouyi and Xuan is that they have both been born with something that has made them be seen in  a negative way or misunderstood way (as much as not everyone is ableist I still think that’s kind of the environment I’m seeing from the show about these two and how they’re treated. I could be wrong) and told different things about who they are and what they have. So for example I keep repeating that one scene but when Shide speaks to Shouyi angrily in season 1 in a very insensitive manner about his disorder, Shouyi is defensive and angry about the way he spoke to him, what he said about him, so you see there is annoyance when people say stuff like that about him even though it seems he also has embraced those ideas  about himself.

In his mind he knows what he has because it’s something he struggles with but I think it frustrates him that he doesn’t can’t explain why he’s the way he is, he probably tried to form attachments and feelings for people but couldn’t so he gave up on the idea of ever being able to do that. But I think it’s just because those people aren’t Xuan. I’m not fully sure about what kind of environment Xuan grew up in but if he was little and people made fun of him, or bullied him, or mocked him he would have struggled with knowing there’s nothing wrong with who he is vs a accepting what people said about him that he can’t ‘function’ because he’s ‘sick’ probably. Because he’s really defensive he does not like people telling him that there’s something wrong with him, that what he’s feeling is not normal or real, and he’s able to take care of himself and have a good life with who he is.  I think you see this struggle in him when he thinks Shouyi has feelings for Shide. Like he immediately once he gets caught fighting walks away sadly because you can guess what he’s thinking, it’s probably ‘Ofcourse it’s Shide he likes, someone ‘normal’ ‘stable’ etc” You can see him in my opinion regress with those thoughts which is why he turned away in shame and says to Shouyi if I was him you would care etc I think yes he fights what people say about him and he knows he’s okay and what he’s feeling but if people keep on making him feel like the opposite he will later regress and accept what they say about him. If he really does get pushed away finally by Shouyi I think he’ll finally really accept that mindset he’s been struggling to fight and reject that he’s ‘abnormal’ to society therefore he’s not allowed to have love because he’s an obstacle to himself and his partner. That’s something I think the story will show for them which is heart breaking. Sigh.

Taking A Risk

Before I continue, let’s pause because let’s discuss the trailer for episode 4. Because yes the trailer does make it look like Xuan hacked the computer out of jealousy and pettiness because of the Shide situation. I think this is a misdirect or a warning. I don’t think the writers will make him be the one who did that, by making him be misunderstood though as someone doing that, brings up commentary it brings up a discussion about how people treat him. So in my opinion there’s a difference if they make him the one who did that because of vindictiveness and resentment then that’s problematic but if they’re trying to show how people have been treating him all his life, I think that’s okay because that’s exactly the aim of the show, to show what he’s struggling with because of how he’s seen in this environment. I can see the characters thinking he’s the one, blaming him, being ableist and I think a lot of people are going to be sensitive and annoyed and I get it; it’s a very risky move by the script writer if she wants to go this way, for me I will understand because I get what the show is trying to say, it depends on the consequences if our characters do end up doing something ableist how do they get taught that they’re wrong and that’s the only thing about this risk that worries me she may not be able to fully make people accept the characters apologies/ flaws with this issue.

It’s so risky and this season has tried so hard with its risks to bring up stuff but I am really happy because we have an autistic BL character, I love it so much because I think it’s incredible. The fact that this season is tackling this conversation about psychological disorders; the fact that we have one character more defensive and determined to be taken more seriously because he’s learnt to love who he is and accept himself vs his partner who has never had that chance to think about what he wants, who he is, what he needs because he’s constantly thinking he’s prevented by his disorder  is something that’s very fascinating to me, and I’ve been so excited to analyse and see it play out on the screen by these brilliant actors. I have been begging for risks in BLs to be made, for more stories to be told that border on the line of sensitive topics and representation, these stories should obviously told by people who are representative of the characters but I also like that a writer took a risk to discuss it more and show it on the screen. I like that we have conversations about mental health on the screen and it’s important to see how another culture/country treats the subject of psychological disorders so we know what needs to be changed/ learnt/ discussed. However I do get that the autistic community and others could be triggered by things with this storyline so far I’ve spoken to people about how they feel about Xuan so far, and a lot of people from the community isn’t offended by him but that’s not a full population of people, but people did say they understood Xuan’s character. But I can’t speak for the community. But for me I just would love to have a whole BL season just for these two, because I really commend the writers if done properly on the risk they took to show this.

As you can tell from this essay I adore We Best Love, I know it’s a polarising decision because people seem to think this season is worse or whatever, but for me I love this show, I didn’t expect this show to be so deep and bring up these subjects it’s the reason why even when I could have written about season 1 since I noticed the themes that are more dealt with in season 2, I didn’t cause I thought it was just be me overthinking it. We Best Love didn’t promise to be the outstanding different BL, it really is simple in season 1, which is why I am surprised at the comments of people who say that they are shocked it’s just a basic BL, like what were they expecting the storyline is very easy to understand, and it does have tropes similar to other BLS, it’s just written better and has interesting characters and good acting. But season 2 is when they really go deeper and start to tackle really serious conversations and I understand that it borders on the line of toxicity, problematic content, questionable ideas but for me I’m so happy the characters are being shown as flawed and problematic. Like Shide and Shuyi weren’t healthy they won’t be until the end of the show that’s what the writer wants to achieve; they are going to end up growing and maturing together to finally get their happy ending, and that’s the same for Xuan and Shouyi right now because of mindsets, and misunderstandings etc they are going to be questionable but they’re going to learn to understand each other and show each other how they feel and grow together from their flaws. The characters are just humans, they make mistakes, they do things but they’re consistent with their character outlines and goals, the writer has never changed anything about the characters, she’s making them learn and mature and go through consequences for their flaws, and I think it’s really important to notice that. I think that’s enough reason for me to love this show because I really enjoy how she’s made a simple BL be very deep and realistic in my opinion about how people are when they fall in love. I also adore the whole team, the actors, producers, writer I think they have done such an amazing job and put so much effort, energy and hard work to tell this story when others don’t do that all the time. Anyway let me know what you think about these two, about the show, about season 2. I’m really surprised by the BLs we are getting lately I’m not goanna lie I am obsessed with every one of them and like just stunned by each conversation and analysis they bring. Absolutely phenomenal start to the year.

[cannibalcaterpillar]

This means Carole had 9 years to get to know her sibling. Instead of bonding with him she had imaginary cat friends. Not HUMAN friends CAT friends. That isn’t bad on its own, but it matters when it’s on a list like this.

Had no friends.

Has gone through 4 husbands and this one clearly KNOWS he’ll die if he doesn’t worship her.

She only mentions having a kid like twice in passing .

She was the aggressor in her past relationships seeking financial control with homicidal tendencies.

Says she left cause her parents are trash but in the end her dad was “def on her side”??

She lies CONSTANTLY

THE MAILBOX SNAKES‼️‼️ joe threatened to do this on his show, but it was YEARS before he mentioned “finally finding where that bitch lives” she doesn’t say that the snakes were venomous just that “the mailbox exploded with snakes” I think she lied about that all together to make joe seem crazier. Like how joe poisoned 23 cubs and burned 7 gators alive and blamed it on Carole or animal rights people. They do crazy shit and lie and say their enemies did it.

She mentions how she envies cats range because they can go from to content to murderous in a second. Most people are like that. But carol has to emulate her emotions so she’s jealous it’s not that natural to her.

I don’t believe her story about how she met don at all. Carole doc and joe all lie CONSTANTLY. Even just in skewed wording like how joe and doc always say “this liger was born right here” instead of “I bred this cat cause I’m still breeding and selling cats” doc says he’s single and his wives all have their own houses cause he’d get arrested for bigamy if he pulled a Kody from sister wives. Constant lies! Carole is no different.

THE FUCKING SARDINE OIL????

The scene where her and her husband are discussing sleeping with guns he says “I woke up and saw Carole with a gun and it ended up being 2” and she cuts him off quick to say “DAMN NEAR SHOT THE NEIGHBORS DOGS” *nervous laugh* I don’t think they were dogs.

Her next line is “I don’t worry about the DOGS that bark a lot, I worry about the quiet ones, those are the PEOPLE you have to watch out for” this could be a metaphor for joe, or she could have shot two people that night. I dunno the wording there just is not right and Irks me.

She needs her volunteers to be there for like 5 years before she even notices they’re there. People that are there working with her animals every day. She doesn’t interact with people. Even her staff.

She said no one can get near Mario right before the documentary does. Maybe SHE can’t get near him and knows because she’s tired to use him for hits before? He made it clear he thinks she did it and she’s trash. Probably because Mario is the only one who at least appears to love and respect his animals. Carole is letting hers rot. Literally.

I totally believe there could be shit behind the scenes of her and joe exotic trading or selling each other cubs. Everyone in this has shown to be two faced self absorbed and willing to work with their enemies one week and destroy them the next. I bet doc wasn’t the only receipt they had in that storage shed. Do you think the lions mentioned in that clip are the ones he got raided for in 2019? Him and joe talk lots about how they have the only ligers and the whole issue was that the ligers were thought to be related and the tests proved they were, but more distantly than previously thought so doc got away.

Something about joe pointing out how much money they made off of each other and labeling them like cartoon characters really made me feel like it’s been YouTube drama this whole time.

I’m sure she worked with Jeff more than she lets on. I don’t understand how the cops didn’t see that after 10 years of threatening and hating carol, nothing serious happened to plan a murder UNTIL Jeff got involved. He deserves to be jailed for a lot but not the attempted murder of an actual murder.

Carole is soft spoken to appear harmless and her constant laughing is because she’s nervous. There’s a big difference between her doing her own videos and being interviewed. It’s because she isn’t in control of how that footage is filmed and edited or what she looks like at the end.

I just really feel like she’s antisocial. She gives me HEAVY Kathrine Knight vibes. If ya dunno her look her up, one of the WORST bitches ever. But she’s got a real familiar thing goin on. Kathrine also killed her husband and he also tried to warn everyone and seek protection before she did it. No one took him seriously until he didn’t show up for work one day.

Carole got away with murder.

Edit: I just wanted to add that I’ve been looking up so much shit abojt this case and Carole. Shes described her first interaction with don and the gun as enticing because “well this isn’t boring!” And she wanted to be a vet but feared the boredom that came with being an adult with a house and career. Constantly looking for a thrill so you aren’t bored to the degree of putting yourself in dangerous situations (handling big cats or holding a gun on a stranger or killing your fucking husband) is also very indicative of an antisocial personality.

Edit 2: I just found out Carole learned to fly to keep them safe since don was “losing it” so that makes pushing him out of a plane seem a lot more likely. If I can find a screen shot of her saying that I’ll add it too. But I think it’s interesting no one close to him says that he’s EVER crashed or that anyone was worried about his ability to fly. More lies!

ANOTHER ADDITION!! Caroles father was also a pilot and a flight instructor. That throwing him out of a plane theory is starting to seem real logical.

Caroles mother notorizes all of her insane paperwork, her brother was in the police force that let her get away with it, the sheriff has a really nice house almost like he was paid off and her dad can fly planes and is on her side.