Childhood Crush
Chapter 19: Vanadium
Killer x gn!reader
word count: 2.8k
a/n: hopefully releasing two chapters will make up for the cliffhanger eheehhehe
Working with Myra was hard at first. Mostly because all you could think about was what she had done - the pain she had caused. Slowly, she became tolerable. You treated her like a colleague, nothing more. You didn’t talk about anything else except work. She had tried to talk about something else a time or two, but you shot her down. You were uninterested in anything she had to say unless it pertained to the research at hand.
“You’re making it difficult to act civil.” You turned to look at her with a blank expression. “And why would I want that? That has nothing to do-”
“With the research yeah, whatever. I’m trying to make amends and you’re making it impossible.”
“Why would I want to make amends with the likes of you?” Your blank expression slowly turned into a glare. You weren’t in the mood.
“If we’re going to work together - we might as well get along.” She looked annoyed and you couldn’t believe the gall of her.
“Get along? Did you forget what you did?” You felt like pulling your hair out. How hard was it for her to just fuck off? Things are going just fine without trying to ‘be civil’. “Why can’t you just get the picture? You left me bitter.” You let out a hollow laugh. “All that’s left is bad blood.” You’d never forgive her. She had completely destroyed your crew and your brother lost an arm because of his recklessness thereafter. It was a pipeline that she caused.
Myra looked at you with an expression you couldn’t quite make out. It seemed like a sea of emotions on her face. “I thought you’d be able to understand where I came from. You and I were like two peas in a pod. Two of the same mind. I figured if anyone could figure out why and forgive - it would be you.”
Your eyes widened and you still just…couldn’t wrap your head around whatever the fuck she was on. “What burns the most, Myra, is that you lied right to my face. All that time together - two years, mind you. Was any of it real? Were you just nice for the experiment? For your research? Cause that was one hell of an act that you put on.” The domestic bliss of it all - was it all just a lie? The extent she was willing to go to manipulate you was astronomical.
The scientist looked at you before shrugging. “I cared about you, yes. I needed you to succeed in my mission, so your wellbeing was important.” You just stared at her, dumbfounded. What kinda card was she trying to play now? “That’s not…” Did this woman care about anything? How were you so blind to it before? This was a completely different woman than the one you knew; the one you knew was warm, inviting. She was cold and calculated; heartless.
“What, y/n, can we do to help you move on from this? We need your complete focus. Obviously your feelings towards me are too strong for you to operate properly. Would yelling at me help? Would letting all that anger help aid you in this mission?” You just stared at her as she spoke. You head was spinning from the sheer audacity of this woman. Once again, you felt like an absolute fool for ever having liked this woman in any capacity. She was worse than Kese. She had no remorse in her actions.
“You…you can’t relieve these demons, Myra.” You felt your eye twitch as you tried to keep yourself calm. You were so…you didn’t even know. You felt so many things that they all just conflicted with each other. “You can’t make this okay for me. You’re the one that caused these feelings.” You shook your head, closing your eyes and took a deep breath. You just needed to calm down. She wasn’t worth it. She wasn’t worth your anger. You had a task at hand that needed your attention. You needed to finish this so you could get back to your crew. You had so many things you needed to do.
“But your efficiency-” She stopped short as your dagger flew towards her, slamming into the wall right next to her head. Her head slowly turned, looking at the blade - her eyes meeting with her logo. “You’re the one impeding my work right now.” You looked at her, your breathing ragged as you were now worked up. You were trying with every fiber of your being not to absolutely throttle the life out of her. “Now, no more chit chat - get to work.”
She swallowed hard, nodding with wide eyes. You seemed to finally pull some kind of emotion from her. So, she wasn’t a robot after all, huh? It was just an act. It seemed whatever facade she had was starting to fall. She started crumbling.
“I’m sorry,” she said in a strained voice. You looked at her - this time your face was void of emotion. “I did care. I cared about you so much - that’s why I sent you back with your brother. Because what I did was wrong and I…I wanted to repent for what I had done.” You just looked at her as she slowly slid to the ground - you only let her live because she had Lily. You kept her alive for her. You weren’t going to rob her of a parent.
“Don’t ask me for forgiveness - I’d rather watch you bleed,” you said before walking out of the lab. You needed some time away from her. You needed a breather.
--
After that…incident, Myra didn’t try to make any more small talk. She followed your lead, letting you order her around as needed. It seemed that she realized who was really in charge now - that you weren’t to be pushed around like some helpless, insecure person anymore like you were when you were staying with her. You were your own and strong. Shit, you almost rivaled with how you used to be.
Eventually, you were ready for human trials. You weren't going to make Toko try yet; she was just a child. You took some willing adults, having them try your samples. None of them died, luckily enough. The most that happened was…nothing. Most of them were duds.
You were irritated. Everything was right but why wasn’t it working? You tweaked and tweaked and tweaked it but nothing seemed to be changing - no matter what you did. You wanted to pull your hair out.
“You should head to bed. A fresh mind will help.” You just glared at Myra who held up her hands. “I’m just saying. You’ve been tweaking it for hours. Besides, all the subjects have gone to bed so you can’t even test it right now.” Without another word, or waiting for a response, she left you to your thoughts.
You sighed, leaning back in your chair, letting your head fall back with a long sigh. You supposed she was right. Everyone was asleep, so you couldn’t even test the new formula anyway. You stood up, stretching as a yawn escaped your lips. You were exhausted. You were working from sun up to sun down every day - it was starting to take a toll on you but…
You couldn’t give up now.
A nap. All you needed was a nap. You walked over to the loveseat that was in the lab and in moments you were passed out.
Crash.
You bolted upright, squinting in the dark. You saw a small figure over by your desk. Your heart stopped as you ran over to the light and turned it on. Toko was standing there, beaker shattered at her feet. “Toko!” You ran over to her, sliding on your knees - not even paying attention to the glass that was imbedding itself into your knees.
You took her face in your hands. “Toko! Answer me!” You searched her face and she looked at you with wide, confused eyes. No, no, no! What was she doing here? Why did she drink what was in the beaker?
“T-Toko thought this was the kitchen…” Fuck! You should’ve locked the door. Tears began to line your eyes when her face started to move. “T-Toko?” you whispered, emotion clear in your voice. You couldn’t live with yourself if anything happened to her. At this point you heard voices coming from down the hallway, heading towards you.
Shit. If Toko died, you might die. You told your brother not to die, but here you were - probably going to die. Though, you’d gladly accept the fate because you made a mistake and hurt someone so innocent in the process.
The twisted smile on Toko’s face began to shift; corners of her mouth uncurling and slowly sliding down. Her large smile slowly closed and her face slowly relaxed. Your own eyes widened. Was it working? Or was she dying? You weren’t sure. “T-Toko?” you asked, your voice cracking.
Suddenly, tears appeared in her eyes and she started wailing. She threw her arms around you as she cried and cried, and you held her there in disbelief. Did it work? Did it really work? You held her close, looking up as Hiyori appeared in the doorway, stopping dead in her tracks as she saw the scene before her.
“Wh-”
You looked at her, tears rolling down your own face as you held the crying Toko. You slowly stood up, still holding her as she continued to sob into you. “Is she…crying?” Hiyori’s voice was full of disbelief and you nodded, smiling through your own sobs.
All those years of being unable to unleash those negative emotions properly were coming forth all at once. You knew she was never able to properly grieve for her father either, so…it was all coming out now.
Tears began to fall down Hiyori’s face as she watched Toko. It was clear that she wanted to hold out and hug her, but she was holding onto you so tightly and her body was shaking so much that she didn’t want to interrupt her. She needed to get all of this out. You had a feeling that these next few days were going to be absolutely exhausting. You were going to have to do this one at a time - to give people a moment to collect themselves.
Though, Toko was a small child compared to the adults. They might be able to hold better, but for now, you were just going to let her do what she needed to do.
It wasn’t long before the small child was passed out against you. All that emotion had taken its toll and wiped her out. You slowly handed her off to Hiyori. “She should at least sleep good,” you said with a small smile. Hiyori nodded, smiling at you. “Thank you so much, doctor. I-I don’t know how to thank you.”
You shook your head. “No need to. I’m just doing my job.”
Hiyori let out a small laugh, knowing it was going to be pointless arguing with you. “I’m going to tuck her in, you should rest as well, doctor.”
You nodded, waving as they left.
--
As you predicted, the next few days were rough. There was so much crying, touching, and wailing. You didn’t like being touched all that much by people you hardly knew, but you knew they couldn’t really help it; overcome with emotion and you were the nearest person to them. It was draining what little social battery you had past its breaking point. You were slowly realizing that you only had a social battery with your crew.
“On behalf of Wano, we cannot thank you enough,” Momonosuke said, inclining his head to you. You shook your head, holding up your hands. “I mean, you guys provided free room and board, not to mention all the other shit that I needed so…we’re even?”
He looked at you with a surprised expression. “Even still, you are so humble. Is there really nothing else we can do for you?”
You shook your head before you realized something. “Actually, yes. Could you, perhaps, lend me a boat and supplies? I’m going to need to take a bit with me since I’m pretty sure my brother doesn’t have anything that I’m going to need on his ship.” At least for now. You’d eventually be able to restock and everything would work out in the end.
Momonosuke nodded and smiled widely. “I would be more than happy to provide you with a ship and provisions!” He looked to one of his retainers who nodded at his silent command and headed off. He turned to look at you. “Thank you again.”
You held up your hands. “Please, I’m begging you. If I hear that phrase again, I might go insane.” You heard it so much over the past few days, you weren't even sure if it was a real expression anymore. Momonosuke only laughed and put his own hands up. “Fair enough, doctor. I will mind my tongue in the future.”
When you headed out, Hiyori popped up with Toko. They were both smiling, a genuine one from the smaller. “We’re going to miss you!” Toko chimed, running over to give you a hug. You knelt down, wrapping your arms around her. “Oh, I’m going to miss you too. I’ll make sure to call and write, okay?”
Toko looked up at you with a bright expression and nodded. “Okay!” She ran back over to the other woman, holding her hand.
“Have fun with your hunkidy do of a man,” Hiyori chimed on your way out and you stopped. “My what?” The woman just laughed, leaving you absolutely confused. Who the hell says that? What does that even mean?
--
Surprisingly, it didn’t take long for them to gather the things that you had requested. You were double checking things on the port when you heard someone say your name. You grimaced, turning around to see Myra. C’mon, couldn’t she leave you alone? She stopped as she saw your face. “You…are still mad at me?”
You just looked at her and she frowned. “I-I said I was sorry. I never meant for it to go as far as it did I-”
You just scoffed, shaking your head as you looked at your clipboard. “Spilling every lie you’ve spilled before,” you said in a dismissive tone. You shook your head. “Still, I’m not forgiving you.” You looked at her with a determined stare that bored into her soul. “And I never will.”
Her eyes widened at you as you radiated sheer anger from your very being. She took a step back as you took a step forward, towering over her. “I hope that you never hear my name without your chest in flames.” Your tone was resolute and full of venom as if you were placing a curse on her. You could tell it already was. After all, she had sent you to Wano where your brother had been. She was obviously feeling guilty. She had tried the tough act and you tore right through that.
You were on a warpath - not to be fucked with. You had a mission and you’d be damned if you were going to let Myra get in your way. Though, you were leaving now and you couldn’t be happier. You just wanted to see your brother again. To see the crew again. To see Killer.
Man, you had so much to tell him. You had made the decision to confess your feelings, no matter how it ended up; you just couldn’t keep it a secret anymore. Though, Hiyori made it clear that it wasn’t as secret as you thought. If your brother had caught on, who the hell else had?
--
After bidding farewell and more tears being shed, not from you - you were pretty sure you were all out, you finally sailed off. Unlike your brother, you weren’t going to dive off the side of a fucking mountain, you were going to take the official port.
It didn’t even take that long and you weren’t sure why your brother made a fuss about it. Though, when you thought about it, he was just showing off anyway. It checked out actually. Constantly in some kind of dick measuring contest with someone.
Once you were out on the sea, you took your brother’s vivre card from your pocket, getting ready to set course.
Your heart stopped as it burst into flames.
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