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physicalturian · 3 years

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[18+] Undisclosed Desires - Miya Atsumu x Fem!Reader

[She/Her pronouns used for the reader, no physical description; Everyone +18]

Words : 9480

Archive of our own

Tags : Frennemies to lovers / Cunnilungus / Drinking / Partying / Fluff / Wholesome / Hickies/ Oral sex / Vaginal sex / Blow jobs

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Summary : Pulling an all-nighter with Atsumu leads to both of you realising you've been wanting one another for far too long or...

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A date night? Was this a date night? No, that would be weird. Just… two newly-friends, hanging out together because their drunk, chaotic, friends were out and about without giving any news. Nothing more, because Miya Atsumu being handsome shouldn’t make a difference to the type of hanging out that was happening, right? Yes. I’m right. Hope he doesn’t think it’s a date. It’d be flattering though…

Throwing him a glance, I watched carefully as he grabbed the order from the person at the drive-through, thanking them. I don’t know why he had removed his jacket the moment he got in the car, but right now he was just flexing his muscles and I couldn’t care less. No matter how good it looked. I didn’t care.

“What, do you need something else?” He asked, catching me off guard.

Catching myself, I quirked a brow, knowing he was talking about my insistent look, but I played it off “Are you sure there’s everything?” I asked, nodding at the order bag in his hands. His reply was to drop the burning paper bag on my lap, grinning, then saying “Check if you’re so worried, but have a little faith in the people,” “Faith has nothing to do with this, it's late and I’d understand if they forgot something that’s all.” I shrugged, checking that everything was in there.

“Right, right, what’s the report chief?” He did ask, but before I could reply he had started driving off. I rolled my eyes and closed the bag, “All good, Atsumu. Let’s go back to your place so we can eat that,“ He nodded but I continued, smirking mischievously. “Actually… I could start eating now, I’m not the one driving,” I purposely made more noise when I opened the bag, earning a complaint from the player as he slapped my hand off the package. “No! Not in my car! That- that is not fair! You don’t get to torture me with the smell when I’m driving, come on,”

Chuckling, I pushed his hand away. He was gripping the bag closed and did not seem willing to let go. “I promise I’m not going to eat in your car, you can let go,” I said, trying to pry his hand open, but he was not budging. “Right, I’d let go but it’s kind of cute seeing you struggling, so I don’t know,” He trailed off, this time he was the one in the mischievous mood as he threw me a side glance. I felt my cheeks getting slightly warmer but ignored it. “So that’s what it’s all about, ah well. Hold the bag then, it saves me from doing it.” I shrugged, stopping everything and looking out the window.

“That’s not fun!! You’re not fun, you should try harder, make this-“ “I’m sorry, was I supposed to entertain you?” He let go with a long sigh, focusing back on the road. Both his hands on the steering wheel, a pout adorning his features. I was never going to admit that he was kind of cute like that, and if he asked anything with that face, I might just let him do anything. What? No, the man is just handsome. That’s it, good for him.

“I’ll find something that ticks you off, one day.” I heard him say. It earned him a very confused look from me as I faced him fully, now. He didn’t add to that until he was finally parked in front of a building and the car was off. “I mean, you’re always composed and all, like Omi-Omi actually! His thing is like, germs, and well… Me, but in a good way, you know? But you…” He squinted his eyes, pursing his lips as he made a thinking face. “I’ll find out soon enough,”

Grabbing the bag, I unbuckled the seatbelt and opened the door, “Yeah… Sure, have fun? I hope you’ll be successful in your-“ I waved vaguely at him, “Whatever this is,”

Laughing loudly, he got out of the car too, the jingle of his keys stopping suddenly when he dropped them on the ground after having swung them around his finger. Swearing under his breath, he grabbed them from the ground, then lead us inside, to his place.

We had to climb a flew flights of stairs, and when we arrived, he ushered me inside. “Go, go, the table’s right there, we’re eating this while it’s warm,” He said quickly as he locked the door behind us. He slipped off his shoes easily, so I handed him the bag before struggling a bit more with mine as I tried to stay balanced. Once I had slipped them off, I let out a sigh of relief when I finally freed. I always loved walking around in socks, I loved the muffled sound it made on the ground.

Looking back up, I took a bit of time looking around and taking in the display of the room. It wasn’t as small as I thought it’d be, but it was clearly a one-person apartment. Surprisingly, he hadn’t lied when he said the place was clean, the worse I could find was an empty bowl and a mug on the counter. Probably from this morning.

“It’s a nice place-“ “I actually cleaned it in case I brought someone back from the party, you know…” to fuck, was the underlying statement. I hated the way my stomach churned when he said, it was stupid. Instead, I laughed. “Did I perhaps ruin some plan of yours?”

“I mean, I brought you home, did I not?” I was confused upon seeing his expression. It seemed serious, darker… Less cute, sultrier. But it quickly dissipated at my lack of answer, or perhaps my face did all the talking. He suddenly laughed as he handed me my food and placed his in front of him, the drinks too. “I’m kidding! I mean, I did bring you home, but we’re going to pull an all-nighter and have fun, right?”

“Sure, if you think you call that fun to be worried about that idiot Bokuto- who even forgets their phone? I just-“ I threw my hands in the air, sighing. “A moron,”

“You really are worried, but he’ll be fine!” Atsumu took a large bite of his burger, but that didn’t stop him from talking, mouth full. “If we don’t get a call from Shoyo or Kuroo, then it’ll be the police because they arrested him, but they’re not gonna die or anything.” I think he understood how it did not help at all by the way I paused mid-way bringing the food to my mouth.

He slammed his hand on the table, hurriedly justifying, “I’m saying that because it happened once, but they’ll be fine! Trust me, if anything they might just be passed out on a parking lot- like, at worse.” “I think I don’t really feel reassured, and I’ll just bear through my worry. Nice try though, Miya, thanks for the food,” I nodded before starting eating.

The blond seemed dejected from failing in cheering me up, and for some reason I couldn’t bear seeing that silly face of him without a smile. Every time I’d seen him, he was grinning widely at whatever his teammates were telling him, now it felt uncanny to see him sad.

So, I bumped my foot against his, I had nothing to say that’d make him smile, so I changed topic, “Do you like the food?” This was bad. And if I knew that, he did too. A small smile drew itself on his lips, it slowly but surely grew, no answer from the man just yet. When he did, he threw his head back, “That’s your way of cheering me up? You’re bad at this!” He laughed.

Feeling my cheeks flush in embarrassment, I rolled my eyes and focused on my own food. “I wasn’t trying to cheer you up, I was simply asking a question,” I quickly looked up at the blond when he hooked his foot with mine, under the table, “Come on, I’m kidding-“ “Stop that, oh god it’s gross-“ I interrupted him when he tried to tickle my foot with his, our socks rubbing against one another in a way I did not like one bit.

“Does that mean you’re ticklish?!” He quickly looked under the table, trying to grab my foot but I stood up faster than he reached for it. Food in hand, I stood behind my chair with a deadpanned expression, “You’re a man child, I don’t have enough words to express how exhausting you’re going to be,” I scoffed as I continued eating, earning a frown from Atsumu. He shoved the rest of his burger in his mouth, without saying much. In awe, I gauged the speed at which he chewed that shit and swallowed it. For a second, I’d even say he gobbled it down instead of eating it.

“You’re not fun,” He huffed, opening another box. “Once again, I had no plan of entertaining you for the evening, Atsumu,” His answer was to throw a chicken nugget my way, it hit the table with a terrifying silence when I looked up at him with as much disdain possible. “Tell me you didn’t just throw me a chicken nugget,” I trailed off, sauntering closer to the table, grabbing the nugget with tip of fingers I was going to put it back in the box when Atsumu opened his mouth wide.

Pointing at his mouth, he tilted his head backwards, “Here,” was what he said, although it sounded unarticulated with his mouth open like that. I had to do a double take at the man’s request, “Why did you even think I’d consider that, after you launched that shit at me? Feed yourself on your own,” While I did try to keep the contempt on my face, I quickly turned around when I let a short smile slip when he took it from my hand and ate it quickly.

A fucking dog, that’s what he was. “So that means, if I hadn’t thrown it at you… You’d have considered it!!” Sitting back down, I put my hand in front of me to stop him, “That’s definitely not what I said,” although it was right. “Oh you said it, you did!”

Sighing, I finished my food without answering him. When I leaned over the table to take the empty bag next to Atsumu, I saw him handing me a chicken nugget, “An offering for forgiveness,” He said. “No thank you-“ “Come on, I’m full, if you don’t take it, it’ll go to the trash, come on,” He dragged his words in a pleading manner. It’s with a roll of eyes that I was about to take it from his hand, breathing out a “Sure,” but he shoved it in my mouth before I could take it, a manic grin on his face.

Through gritted teeth, I said, “I’ll bite your fingers off,” he quickly let go, his eyes never leaving me as I ate it, nonetheless, throwing him a side glance. Without losing more time, I grabbed the trash from the table. I was left standing in the middle of the kitchen when I turned around and looked at Atsumu a bit lost. He was leaning on the back of the chair, his elbow supporting his head as he looked at me with a smirk.

“Yes?” He inquired in a sing-song voice, knowing full well what I needed. I ignored his attitude and nodded at him, “Where’s the trash?” I know I could have the opportunity to make a joke about him, being the trash, but we were not on fighting terms anymore. And he was not a trashy man… Yet.

Pointing at me with his hand extended in front of him, palm up, he said, “In your hand-“ “-can, the trash can, the bin, the little box for the trash, I knew you’d be a little shit even with the simplest thing,” I rolled my eyes before turning around and putting everything on the counter. When I looked back, Atsumu was right behind me. Startled, I snuck under his arm and moved away from him, frowning. “What’re you doing Miya?”

“Chill, relax, I was going to throw everything away,” He opened the cabinet closer to the ground and pointed at the trash, “There,” then did as he said he would. For a moment I felt bad at my sudden reaction, but I also was aware that the man could come up behind and surprise me. May it be by tickling, as he tried earlier, or maybe poking my side. And I was not in the mood for either of those.

Humming, I kept an eye on him. Not only because I didn’t know what to do now that we had eaten, but also because part of me enjoyed the view of him as he reached for a glass in the pantry. His black shirt lifting ever so lightly, the side of his hip peeking from under the fabric. The tightness of the sleeves around his biceps, I never realized how defined his muscles were. Then again, it came with being a pro volleyball player, and it wasn’t uncommon. He wasn’t special, just annoying. “Ground control to major killjoy,”

Blinking out of my daydream, I met his eyes and noticed he was handing me a beer. I took it without much thinking, but didn’t move, “You good? Do you need me to open it or something?” He asked as he brought the glass bottle to his mouth, ready to uncap it with his teeth. I quickly took his from his hand and went on a scavenging hunt to find a bottle-opener. “You send goosebumps down my spine with that stupidity, do you often uncap bottles with your teeth?- No, actually, I don’t want to know,” Opening them, I handed him his with a sigh.

“Come on, it’s a cool party trick! I can also do that thing where-“ He pulled the side of his mouth in a wide smile and stuck his tongue out, making it look a lot longer than it was. For some reason, part of me found it kind of lewd, the way he moved his tongue up and down, his back teeth showing. A party trick wouldn’t be what I’d call it, he looked like an idiot doing it, but a pretty one. “Right, a party trick. It makes one wonder if there is one thing that mouth can’t do, right?” I quickly regretted it when he stopped his silly display and looked at me with raised brows and a huge smile.

“Oh, it can do a lot more, are you curious?” He brought the bottle to his mouth and twirled his tongue around the tip, his eyes never leaving mine. I clenched my jaw and forced myself to look away, hating the way he was getting to me. Only hours ago, he was hating me, and right now the animosity was completely gone, and the man was feeling a lot more confident being flirtatious than spurring complete bullshit about me. “You don’t know how strongly I wish to shove that bottle in your mouth,” I rolled my eyes, turning away from him and walking to the living-room.

I heard the muffled sound of his footsteps on the parquet as he hurried behind me, “You’d be surprised by what’d happen, for your info I don’t have a gag reflex,”

Turning around, I quirked a brow, “Ok? Good for you!” He pouted as I continued, “That doesn’t mean I want to watch you slut yourself out in front of me though,” For some reason it made him laugh. Walking in front of me, he disappeared in a room and returned with his laptop in hand. “Deep down I know you want me,” A huff escaped my lips with how convinced he was and how much energy he still had this late.

“If it keeps you going, sure!” That kind of banter was interesting, but I was curious of how far he would go with his words. Joining him in the living room, I sat down on the couch and watched him as he installed the computer on the low table. He had gotten changed and was now wearing shorts instead of the cargo pants he had at the party. Probably for comfort, although it did make his ass look good like that. I quickly shook the thought away when Atsumu dropped two blankets on the couch along some pillows, purposely throwing the pillows at my face.

I took a deep breath and threw him a serious glare. “Do you ever, not? Or are you constantly trying to start shit?” His reply was a huge grin at first. He wasn’t fully facing me, and even crouched in front of the table as he unlocked his laptop and started looking for the movie. While I did roll my eyes at his reaction, I did not mind much. It felt like the man needed a lot of attention and was not satisfied with my little to no reaction to every shit he had done.

“I don’t know, it’s fun. ‘Should have thrown it back at me,” He shrugged while settling down on the couch. He set his feet on the table, then threw the blanket on his legs. I had thrown mine over my shoulders and was sitting tailor-styled on the couch, cocooned. “Right, and with your great reflexes you’d have caught it and definitely not spilled the beer, right?”

“I play volleyball, of course I’d have caught it! Did you forget or something?” His eyes were wide open in confusion, he looked at me a bit longer while I felt like an idiot for forgetting in those few seconds. I bit the inside of my cheek, feeling my face heat up, “Just start the movie already,” I huffed, checking my phone to see if I had received any text or call from Kuroo or Bokuto. But there were none.

An annoyed sound escaped my throat when Atsumu pried my phone away from my hand and kept it away from me. I tried to get it from his hand, but he placed a hand on my stomach to keep me from leaning further in. After less than a minute I grunted, “You’re a child, give it back to me when you’re done checking if I have fun games for you to play with,” I winced at my own words, sensing I was more annoyed than I actually thought I was. Before he could reply, I played the movie and crossed my arms over my chest, focusing on the screen.

“Come on, I’m playing with ya,” He nudged my elbow, I looked at him from the corner of my eye but did not say anything.

“You named me by my full name in your contact list? That sucks, I’ll change it to something cooler-“ Before he could do anything, I snatched my phone out of his hand and locked it. I didn’t even look at his face when I dropped it back on my lap, but I could guess he was surprised and, or, frustrated. Knowing this, I felt like gloating but as much as I tried to hold back my proud smile, I felt the rictus on the corner of my lips.

I was glad to not hear anything from him, it meant I could enjoy the movie while he was pouting in his corner. The quiet was welcomed. Leaning forward to grab my beer from the table, I put my hand on my lap to hold my phone from falling down but didn’t feel it there. Looking down at my lap, it wasn’t there, nor on my sides, I started patting the couch and everywhere around me then I felt Atsumu grab my hand and put it on my phone that was now in his hand. “Looking for this?” He asked, a smug smile on his lips.

“You can’t do shit if it’s locked, so, hand it over,” I wrapped my fingers around my phone, and his fingers in the process. When I tried to grab it out of his grasp, Atsumu moved my hand and managed to get the camera opened. “Look at us, being friendly and stuff,” He pulled the phone up to take a selfie of both of us, wrapping his free hand around mine to stop me from going for my phone. Putting our clasped hands in front of him, he made sure we could see it on the screen and took a few photos.

When he was done, I pried his hand away from mine, “Are you done? The moment I’m alone, I am going to-“ “you’re going to put them as the background for your phone, or just really stare at it ‘cause you love me that much, I understand.”

“I’m going to delete them, more than anything,” I said with a smirk, loving the puppy look in his eyes when I said so. It did not last long, only seconds after he handed me my phone back and said, “You wouldn’t dare, we look too good for those to go to the trash,” He made sure to show them to me, but I only chuckled.

“I always look good, no need to show me,” I waved him off, focusing once more on the movie. What caught me off guard was the blonde’s reply, which was said in an almost genuine tone, “Yeah, you’re right, you’re always hot,” He did not add anything else. I would have expected a joke following it, or an addition saying that he was also hot, but nothing. Instead, he looked at the screen without a word. Seeing how relaxed he was, I probably got too much in my head when feeling like there was some tension between us. So, I took a few deep breaths and calmed my flushing cheeks.

Nothing much was said, so I made sure to comment here and there. Part of me felt like I couldn’t stay silent the entire time, knowing Atsumu like the movie. Or so I thought.

“Wait you’re telling me his name is Wall-E is an acronym for like, little trash worker? For real?” I said, confused. Then quickly added, “Here, if he’s collecting those trinkets that means it has sentimental value, right? That doesn’t make sense, he’s a robot, is he like sentient or something?” The moment I finished talking, Atsumu paused the movie and looked at me with a frown.

“You shouldn’t be allowed to watch kid’s movie, it’s for kids! There is nothing like, sentient or something, it’s just, a little robot trying his best, okay?”

“But it’s stupid, I mean sure it’s been programmed for that, but there isn’t anyone else on the planet, so he shouldn’t keep doing that shit, right?” I inquired, earning a loud sigh from the player who seemed more than exhausted by that question.

Putting both his hands in front of him, he started gesturing, “Hope’s what keeps him going right now, alright?” he un-paused the movie, and only seconds after, a little white robot appeared on screen, “And love! Look, he saw her, and he likes her, so he was right to be hopeful all that time,” I rolled my eyes and slumped deeper in the couch, my arms crossed as I mumbled, “It doesn’t make sense to make robots fall in love though,”

Atsumu made sure to sigh louder, more dramatically as we both turned silent once more. As the movie continued, he was the first one to speak again, “Tag yourself, you’re the violent rampaging robot and I’m just a little fella,”

“I’m not violent, you’re the one who punched a dude Atsumu, not me. You should remember that,” I told him, earning an ungraceful huff as he tried to find the proper words to express himself. I faced him with raised brows, waiting, then something hit me. I grabbed his right hand to take a look at this fist but let go the moment I held it, feeling like I shouldn’t be this familiar with him. He looked at me confused, I was fast to say, “I just realized we never checked your fist, and since the dude seemed to-“

I paused, feeling the intensity of Atsumu’s gaze on mine. For some reason, it wasn’t as light-hearted as seconds ago, which led me to believe I had done something I shouldn’t have. “But you’re a tough guy, and an adult, so you can take care of that yourself, right-“ I cleared my throat and continued watching the movie.

This time I was sure there was some tension between us. If I were to leave right now it would look weird, and I was the one who had made it all strange, which left me with the only option left: staying in an awkward silence, my heart beating faster in embarrassment. If it had been Bokuto, I would have led that idiot to the kitchen and took care of his bruising knuckles then got it over with; But here, I wasn’t nearly as friendly with Atsumu as I was with Bokuto, and yet it felt sort of comforting to be around him.

Perhaps because I knew he had proven himself to be reliable when I felt bad, or maybe I thought: he’s already seen me cry my eyes out, what’s left to see? Whichever it was, now it wasn’t as comfortable as before, my hands felt hot and cold at the same time. I brought the blanket closer around my form and paid attention to the story but was still tempted to look at the man on my right. Was he mad that I had stepped over his boundaries? Or annoyed to have invited me at his place out of pity, or perhaps even-

My train of thought was interrupted when I saw a hand enter my field of vision. I leaned back a bit to get away from it, then heard Atsumu say, “It’s gonna bruise, but it ain’t bleeding or anything,”

I hummed, reassured, breathing a weak “Ok, good,”

“I think it’ll heal faster if you kissed it better, though,” He said playfully. A relieved laugh escaped my mouth as I faced the man, there was a mischievous smile adorning his features. My eyes never left his. His left mine a few times to glance down and look around nervously. “I’m not doing that, it’s not going to change shit about the bruises,” Placing my hand on his extended one, I pushed it down and out of my sight. “Alright, then I’ll just,” He took the opportunity to thread his fingers with mine like before then proceeded to shut his mouth and look straight ahead.

I wanted to make a joke, telling him that Wall-E was not a horror movie and that if he felt the need to hold hands maybe he should watch a kid show. But I was too thrown off to do anything. I did not move, but after a few minutes, I felt like I had to speak. I wanted to ask him what he was doing… But deep down I craved the slightest touch and wanted to keep this going as long as he’ll allow it.

I squeezed his hand a moment, then put my elbow on the armrest and rested my head against my fist. We stayed like this, in silence, only chuckling here and there at what was happening on the screen, our hands still clasped on one another.

Around the end of the movie, I realized Atsumu’s grip wasn’t as tight as before, and he was reacting a lot less. Lazily turning my head to take a look at the blonde, I held back a laugh when I saw his head was resting on the back of the couch and his mouth was slightly open, the slightest snore escaping his mouth as he breathed in and out. “Of course, you’d fall asleep,” I whispered, letting go of his hand and grabbing a pillow that had fallen on the ground at some point to put it behind his head.

Nudging his shoulder, I tried to wake him up, but he only closed his mouth and made a throaty sound as he moved to get in a better position. His head started falling towards the side opposite of mine, I had to quickly grab his shoulders so that he wouldn’t fall entirely. I forced myself to focus and not enjoy the feeling of his muscles under my fingers as I pulled him towards my side more. The resistance of his weight soon changed when he simply laid down on the couch, I had to put the pillow rapidly on my lap and let out a ‘oof’ when his full weight was on my legs.

“I’ll throw you off the couch if you don’t wake up,” I whispered to the sleeping man on my thighs. Of course, I did not receive any answer, he was passed out after a whole day of practice and a party he probably did not feel like going to. I mean… even tired he is kind of cute… I thought, taking a good look at his features. I never took the time to observe the man, but he was the perfect definition. If not for the fit body, even if his hair was dyed it looked good, and while I’d never admit it out loud, his smile almost made me want to kiss him.

What?

I rapidly looked away from his sleeping form and pulled out my phone, focusing on something other than the pretty boy on my lap. Seeing as he clearly did not respect my personal space, I was not about to respect his. I rested my hands on his chest as I started scrolling on my phone, waiting for time to go by. I did not want to fall asleep and miss Bokuto’s call, even if I was slowly falling asleep with the warmth Atsumu brought, I had to stay up.

The movie had ended a good while back and started playing something I wasn’t paying attention to. The sound was so loud I was surprised it didn’t wake up the sleeping idiot, “You could get robbed you wouldn’t even wake up,” I remarked out loud, not expecting an answer but making myself chuckle, “Actually I could rob you and leave, but your stupid ass is too heavy for me to move,” I mumbled, sliding my hands under his back to try to lift him but quickly gave up.

“You’re lucky I don’t hate you or I’d be trying to wake your sorry ass, although it’s still very tempting right now,” I muttered the last part, glancing at how much space he was taking. My attention was brought to the man once again when I heard something coming from him, but he seemed fast asleep. Shaking my head, I returned to my phone, but stopped once again when I heard him mumble in his sleep. “You’re telling me even sleep doesn’t make you shut up? How am I even supposed to-“ I cut myself off when he mumbled something again, I brought my ear closer to his mouth, trying to decipher what he was saying.

My eyes widened when I heard what he said, “All bark, no bite” Before I had time to react, his hands were on my cheeks as he pulled my face closer to his, pressing his lips against mine. The angle didn’t make it comfortable, but I felt my heart speed up and my cheeks flare at the suddenness of his actions. I dropped my phone and was gripping his shirt with little force, more in the hopes to calm my surprise than to hold him down.

I found myself returning his kiss after a short delay of shock, the beer taste was strong, but I couldn’t care less. His kiss was sleepy and lazy, different than my clumsy one, and yet I was enjoying a lot more than I was willing to admit. Slowly coming to my sense, I pulled away when he tried to deepen the kiss. My lips were still hovering over his, but I didn’t look at him. “What was that for?” I breathed against his lips, wanting an explanation.

“You use a lot of words to say you don’t want me, but you haven’t kicked me off you yet,” He grinned proudly, a hand tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I gripped it tight to stop him, but did not pull back yet, “You said you didn’t hate me, or you’d have pushed me off this couch, but I’m still here, a lot of words for nothing,” He trailed off, grazing his lips against mine, “All bark,” his teeth were now tugging at my bottom lip, “No bite,” He murmured before letting go and pecking my lips once more.

I pulled away with a huff, opening my mouth and closing it a few times, trying to find the words. All the words that came in my head were: little shit, sly bastard and arrogant prick, none of which were enough of a comeback to be said out loud. I looked off to the side, not saying anything yet, feeling the weight of his body leaving my lap as he sat up. My eyes followed each of his movement as he stretched, moaning how good it feels to take a short nap. “You didn’t sleep, how good of a nap can it be?” I asked rhetorically, aiming to avoid the topic of what had just happened.

After saying so, I tried to think of all that I had said when I thought he was asleep. From what I could remember, nothing incriminating had been said, it was a relief.

“I got to have my head on a pretty girl’s lap, I’d call this a win-“ “If you don’t go back to sleep, I’ll put you to sleep myself,” I spat, crossing my arms over my chest, not trusting myself to look at him just yet. The embarrassment from moments ago was still very present, even though Atsumu was completely unaware of it. “I thought we’d both agreed that you wouldn’t do that, that you were all talk,” He grinned then proceeded to uncross my arms and pull me towards him, I pulled back but faced him with raised brows, wordlessly asking him what he was doing. “Don’t know, waiting for you to do something about it,” He shrugged.

Sighing, I placed both of my hands on the couch to balance myself as I stood up, “There is nothing to do about anything, I’m going to wait in the kitchen,” I scoffed.

The twin laughed as he pulled me back to the couch, this time closer to him. I held his wrist tight to keep myself balanced and glared at him. “We just kissed, you can’t just leave, come on,” He tugged me closer, I had to hold onto his knees as I was now kneeling between his legs while he was stretching his legs on the couch. “Actually, I can. And I was about to do so,” I gave him a curt nod, trying to hide my blushing cheeks.

He did not take no for an answer and poked my side to get my attention, “I’ll let ya go if you answer two of my questions, alright?” He asked excitedly, his hands resting on my waist. It took all my will not to look down at his big hands on my body and push them anywhere but at this very spot.

Clearing my throat, I told him to go off. “Tell me you don’t find me attractive,” He said in all seriousness. Taken aback, I faced him quickly, “I’m sorry?” was what I asked.

“You heard me, tell me you don’t find me attractive,” He reiterated.

“That’s stupid, I literally told you earlier that you were cute, what’s your angle here?” The man seemed to be thinking, then made a sound at the realization that I had indeed said so earlier. He chuckled, his cheeks turning slightly redder than usual. “Right, I forgot that. I also find you cute,” “I didn’t ask, nor do I care,” I shrugged.

“Yeah? Then why are you all flustered and stuff? No, you know what? This is a lot funnier than making you angry! This is fun-“ “Just ask your second question so that I can go,” I cut him off, I felt my heart beat faster at his admittance but played it off. I didn’t care, right?

“Tell me you don’t like me, and I’ll stop flirting,” He said. Without thinking, I snorted in surprise, “That’s not a question, maybe you should check the definition in the dictionary-“ Clearly he did not want to waste time with my avoidance and pressed, his hands bringing me closer to him. I whispered, “Careful,” but didn’t think he heard me. “Just say you don’t like me, so that we’re clear and I’ll stop, it’s simple, you like simple right?” He smirked; The smug attitude was back tenfold.

“Do you have memory losses or something? I don’t hate you, I thought we had made that clear since we started over-“ “I don’t have time for those games, so,” He trailed off, this time he put more force into it as he pull me onto his lap and let his hands travel to the back of my thighs. I hated the ease at which at let him do as he pleased already, I wanted to, but I also didn’t want to see the satisfaction on his face when I’d give in. Bringing my hands on his, I held them on the spot. I don’t know why I was doing it when I so desperately craved for them to slide under my shirt.

His eyes traveled from my face to my stomach, then to my hands, smiling playfully when he saw how tightly I was gripping his. “Where’s the fun if you keep them in place, let go of my hands,” He said in a breathy tone. If I wasn’t already sitting, my knees would have been weak. While I did let go, I rolled my eyes and placed both my hands on his stomach. “I don’t need to hold them down, you’re also all bark no bite- actually, the reason you’re in such a good shape is because you keep running your mouth like that, for nothing,” I taunted, earning a smile at the corner of his lips as his hands slid under my shirt, his fingers brushing my skin very slowly.

I gasped silently, not expecting him to do that. The roughness of his skin against mine reminded me for that mere moment, when I had forgotten, that he was a pro player, which came with great strength in his arms… And hands for his serves. I shook the thought away. “Yeah? If you don’t like it, tell me to stop, tell me you don’t like me,” He taunted back, his hands crawling higher and higher on my stomach, grazing my sides ever so delicately.

The smile on his lips. The attitude that dripped off his arrogant person, his tongue brushing on his lips, the heat of his body between my legs. His thighs against mine… All of this made me more and more frustrated, I didn’t want to talk anymore, I didn’t hate him, it was true. But did I want to tell him I wanted him? “You’re very silent,” He was trying to provoke me, but I didn’t trust myself to speak. My fists tightened on his shirt, making it rise up on his stomach. A glimpse of his skin was shown but if I let my eyes linger there more than necessary, I’d succumb.

With his carefree tone, he said, “I’ll take it off if that’s what you want. I mean, you did find me cute since the day we met, you’re probably curious of what-“ Maybe I was more frustrated than I thought I was. Hearing his cockiness made me snap. Leaning over, I shut him up by pressing my lips against his quickly, followed by, “You keep talking and talking, it turns me on-“ His eyes widened, I was confused for a second and quickly corrected myself, “Ticks me off, it ticks me off, you’re annoying-“ “So that’s what ticks you off? Heard ya loud and clear,” He said enthusiastically.

Before I could say anything, he had taken his shirt off and was about to help me take mine off before I stopped him and gave him a warning look. When he was about to ask what was wrong, I held the hem of my shirt and threw him a side glance, “I’ll do it myself, I don’t trust your skills at anything,” I scoffed, throwing my shirt on the back of the couch and unzipping my pants. I stopped dead in my tracks when Atsumu’s eyes widened and felt like digging a hole to never come out of.

Getting off of him, I rushed my words, “Fuck, I read into this- forget whatever happened these past, whatever how long we’ve been at it, let’s just-“ “Oh we’re doing this, I was going for a heavy make-out but you clearly have something great in mind,” He chuckled, standing to take his shorts off. I couldn’t look him in the eyes, even though he said it was great idea. I felt like an idiot, “Flustered is a great look on you, but I think you’d look hotter without those pants,” I heard him say, very close to me.

Looking up to meet his gaze, I couldn’t help the smile that accompanied my scoff, the softness was quickly replaced by more ‘flattering’ words, “I mean, it does make your ass look good, but…” His hands trailed down to my zipper, tentatively pulling my pants down to grab my ass and bring me closer. I said his name in a warning tone, not stopping him, but holding his forearm to slow his adventurous hands from going further. “If you really wanna cover your ass, use my hands is what I’m saying,”

I snorted and pushed him down on the couch, still chuckling, falling down with him as he did not let go of my ass once. “Fuck you, that’s the worst dirty talking I’ve ever heard,” I told him playfully, letting my hands rest on his stomach as I set myself on his thighs at first. Atsumu was quick to pull me closer, right onto his growing bulge, “I’d say fuck me like you hate me, but I’m too sensitive for that,” He whispered half-jokingly, “And we’ve agreed there was no hate, so…” He brought my lips into a kiss that I returned with as much enthusiasm, this time letting him deepen it until we had to pull away to breathe.

“Right now, I want to make you lose your composure as you moan my name desperately,” He did not stutter, he did not play it off as a joke, no. He was assured, determined, and did not waste time. After letting those words hit me like a brick, he started attacking my neck, hands threading through my hair and pulling me to the side to get a better access. I held onto his shoulders at first but decided to no let him get anything out of me just yet.

“I think I can do that first,” I breathed as I pushed his mouth away from my neck and graze mine against it, my hands sliding lower on his body.

With the same cockiness he adorned daily, he brought me into a quick kiss and said with too much confidence, “All bark, no bite, let me do what I do best and get you riled up, while you enjoy it,” I laughed at that and pushed his head back, my hand under his chin as I kissed him down from his chin to his throat, to his chest to finally stop at his happy trail where I looked up at him with a smirk. “Careful what you wish for, and I hope for your sake that I don’t bite,” I threatened as I pulled down his boxers and grabbed his cock, giving it a few strokes.

I was surprised by how good Atsumu sounded with his throat tight, holding back his moans from the sudden touches I was giving him. His mouth was open, but he wasn’t letting everything out just yet. “Damn, don’t shut the fuck up, you’re so sexy…” I said mockingly, making him cover his mouth as I took his cock in my mouth and started sucking him off. Each time my tongue would brush his sensitive tip, a higher moan would escape his lips. His back was arched as he tried to meet my mouth to go deeper, but I held him down, my nails digging in his hips.

“Just like that baby- fuck fuck fuck,” He whined, a higher pitch in his tone. His hand threaded in my hair once more, I felt him push my head more on his cock and didn’t like his rapid take of control, I pulled his hand off my head and grazed my teeth on his length as I slid his cock out of my mouth and stopped everything. Saliva was dripping down my mouth and onto his tip as I looked at his frustrated frown, “Why did you stop?”

Brushing my thumb lazily on the base of his cock, I smirked, “Mmh? I thought you’d like teasing? I’m guessing it’s a lot less fun when you’re on the receiving end, but I’m enjoying this a lot-“ “Oh, oh, that’s- you…” His look darkened as a toothy grin made its way on his lips. He sat up and pulled me over his hips once again, I instinctively started grinding against his dick to get some friction, holding back noises of pleasure from the little I could get from it.

Atsumu’s fingers trailed to my chin, his thumb brushing over my lips, “Open your mouth,” He breathed softly. It caught me off guard, the tenderness in his voice, I did as he asked with a bit of hesitancy. “Good girl,” He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear before shoving some fabric in my mouth, from the colour I guessed it was his shirt. When I tried to take it out to complain, he pushed me down, pinning my hands over my head, his hips straddling me, “If you can’t even put your mouth to good use, you lose the privilege of using it entirely, simple right?”

“It’s my turn then,” He smiled as he removed my remaining clothes and left me bare under his form. He started by playing with my nipples, his mouth on one, while his hand took care of the other. When I tried to push him away to take back the control, he placed both my hands on his back and said, “Since you bite like a bitch, use your claws like one too, don’t feel shy-“ I did exactly that, elating a deep groan from the man who smiled giddily at my action. I tried to match it with a smirk but couldn’t do much with the item of clothing in my mouth.

He started kissing down my chest, my stomach, to finally let his tongue trail down between my legs. Once he was there, he paused and licked my clit then blew on it, then did it again. Licking, blowing, making me feel the cold sensation and along too little friction. He would sometimes get me going longer by sucking it, elating deep groans from me, I could feel my body heat up more and more, getting higher and higher on the feeling of pleasure he gave me. He kept my legs spread, stopping me from closing them on his head, his nails digging inside my skin. I kicked my heel in his back, getting his attention. “What, you don’t like my teasing?” I shook my head. “That’s not what those moans are saying baby, I’ll keep it up some more-“

We were both startled when we heard Atsumu’s phone ring, he told me to stay there and picked up the phone. When he put it on speaker, I understood it was also my business. “Tsum-Tsum? Your place ‘t’s the number… sixteen right? I- the key it’s not working Tsum-Tsum, can you let me in…” My heart jumped in my chest when I heard it was Bokuto and he was alive and well, there seemed to be some groaning in the back. Kuroo then took the phone, “They’re this close to passing out, your place was the closest, so we walked- didn’t sober them much, just open the door Miya,” He explained. On the phone we heard some knocking but not on Atsumu’s door.

“It’s not number 16 though, it’s 36, it’s two floors up dude,” I was surprised by how composed he was on the phone when only seconds ago he had his face between my legs- Fuck, they shouldn’t see what was about to happen. “For fuck’s sake, you’re making me carry them two more floors? At least come and help out,” Kuroo said over the phone, Shoyou’s voice in the background was weaker than Bokuto’s but just as sluggish. “You put yourself in this situation, I’m being nice enough to let you stay at my place. So, take your time but I’m not coming to help,” Atsumu said before hanging up.

When I was sure he had hung up, I gathered all my clothes and rushed to put them on. “Don’t tell them anything, if they ask why-“ “I’ll simply skip over the part where we gave head to one another, don’t worry,” He finished my sentence. I paused in my dressing and threw him a glare, “Don’t say it so casually-“ when I was about to put on my shirt, it was damp under my fingers. Taking a good look, I noticed there was a spilled bottle of beer on the ground. “Shit, shit, why did you throw it there, I had put it on the couch!” I exclaimed.

“I considered using your shirt as a gag, be grateful I used mine, look,” He pointed at his shirt. There were darker spots on the black shirt, but he still wore it. “Then get changed, and give me a shirt too,” He quirked a brow as if something was missing from my request.

Rolling my eyes, I softened my tone, “Please,”

Standing up, he finally finished dressing up and asked me to clean the beer from the ground. I hurried to the kitchen to get everything and wiped the puddle just in time for Atsumu to get back in the living room and hand it to me. I put it on in a hurry, struggling to find the hole for my head only to have him help me off-handedly. “How about you calm down? They’re our friends, I don’t think they’d say anything. Weren’t they the one asking us to get along? I think we got along just fine,” He said smugly, his hand tugging at his shirt on my form.

“Also, it was entertaining to see you trying to take the reins,” He whispered right next to my ear before nipping it, then pecking my lips. I didn’t let him go so soon and pulled him back for a deeper kiss, earning a surprised grunt from him before his hands found my ass once again. “I think we should let them in the corridor and finish what we started,” He said against my lips. And while the idea was tempting, I couldn’t do that.

I pulled away from him at the same time the jingle of keys was heard outside, followed by the unlocking of the door. “Alright, now you can come help me Miya?” I heard Kuroo. Atsumu scurried off, I made sure to free the space on the couch for the two drunk he was bringing in. I was surprised to see Bokuto walking on his own. Maybe walking was a strong word, swaying was more adequate.

His face lit up when he saw me and pulled me into a hug while Kuroo and Atsumu carried Hinata to the couch. “You’re here too!! I missed you, did you have fun tonight? Are you hungry? I’m hungry, we should eat, I’m so thirsty too-“ With his arm around my shoulders, he led me to the kitchen and started rummaging around. I sat at the table, chuckling at his drunken yet pretty woke state until he turned around slowly and pointed at me, half crouching as he walked towards me.

“You… here? Why’re you here?” Just when he asked that, Kuroo and Atsumu joined us. Unfortunately, Atsumu spoke faster than I did. “You made the girl worried Bok, we were going to pull an all-nighter waiting for you,” He explained, standing behind me, his hands on my shoulders. I pushed them off, telling him to get away from me.

“Aww, I thought you were finally going to stop hating each other,” Bokuto whined, pulling Kuroo closer to him as he leaned his head against his shoulder. I laughed at his reaction, “I don’t hate him,” I kind of like him, was my second thought but I kept it for myself. Bokuto mumbled some more, I couldn’t quite comprehend what was being said but what I did know was that Kuroo’s eyes weren’t leaving me. He was observing.

Calling my name in a questioning manner, the black-haired man asked, “What’s that on your neck?” I placed my hands on my neck to cover whatever it was, pulling my phone to use the camera as mirror, I felt my cheeks heat up when I noticed the hickeys left by Atsumu. I started stuttering, trying to find an excuse, which was all in vain when Atsumu all but spawned behind me once more, his hands on my shoulders. He let them fall to my front, slumping over me lazily as he sighed dramatically.

“Ah, guess the cat’s out of the bag,” He shrugged, looking at the two men in front of us. That’s all I could say from the little I could see, I think he may have mouthed something but wasn’t sure, then he pressed a kiss on one of the hickeys. This part was unnecessary, so I pushed his face away in panic. “Hey, hey! there was no hiding it, they were suspicious,” He told me apologetically. That tone quickly disappeared when he faced the two men once more, “We were having fun before you called, but there isn’t any hate here. Just some feistiness, but it’s all in good fun, right? We ain’t gonna fight like animals or anything,”

The two men nodded, a confused expression still on their face. Bokuto was falling asleep standing up, but Kuroo was still fully awake. “So, it’s like, all bark, no bite?” I nodded, at the same time Atsumu laughed as he grazed his lips to the shell of my ear, whispering without moving his lips much, “A bit of bite doesn’t hurt though,” I quickly stood up after that. No wanting to listen to any more of his teasing or innuendos. Pointing at Atsumu, I said, “I can’t deal with any more of this guy, I’ll go to sleep,”

The blond called out my name, “Come on it was good, don’t rush off like that,”

“I think you could use a muzzle, Atsumu Miya, that’ll keep your mouth shut,” I rolled my eyes, but it felt like a déjà vu. I had told him to shut his mouth way too many times already and had set myself up for what came next.

When I entered his bedroom, he closed the door behind us, “Then do something about it, kiss me, do it,”

And I did, if it brought me the quiet, I desperately needed and the warmth of his hands on my hips, then I’d do it over and over again. Now bathing in the darkness of the room, I felt safe telling him, “I don’t really want you to shut up, I like it when you talk, even if you talk a lot… But I still think your mouth could be put to better use…” Lifting me off the ground, the blond grunted, “You’ve read my mind,”

That led to a continuation of what we had earlier started.

I don’t believe our friends would remember much of what happened tonight, but I sure would. I never thought I would want a cocky, arrogant, impudent, little shit, to fuck me and yet, here I was.

My mind desired something that I’d been a fool to refuse, so I let myself succumb.

#haikyu x reader #atsumu x reader #atsumu miya #miya atsumu #fanfiction #fluff #physicalturian #masterlist #haikyu #AO3 #AO3 physicalturian #writer #writings #ao3 writer

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weltonreject · 4 years

Text

twenty, two ways

|| the long promised dialogue-heavy cigarette sharing fic; Theo’s emotionally congested (again) and Boris gets him to talk. Slice of life-- and Heaven. || ao3

Theo was laid out on the steps of Hobart & Blackwell. It was dramatic, he knew, but he was in his best jacket and scarf, and had just shined his shoes; no one would think he was in trouble or dead. He was just a weird twenty-something with a lit cigarette in his hand-- and an antique, purple glass astray brought from inside the shop. Theo was on his way through his second pack in less than forty-eight hours. He needed to slow down, but he just couldn’t find it in himself to want to.

He’d been in such a deep, molasses- type feeling for going on two weeks, it felt wrong to stop the one thing he was doing quickly. Theo was actually good at smoking quickly-- at making himself so sick he thought he’d pass out or throw up or do some combination therein. Why stop?

Well, one reason appeared at the end of the block, talking loudly into his cellphone in a slippery combination of English and Russian that Theo was too tired to grab tightly around. Boris hated how Theo’s cigarette’s smelled. He preferred any brand but Theo’s. Hell, he’d asked Theo if he’d start smoking cigars instead.

Theo didn’t, but for a different reason than just refusing to stop his escalating nicotine addiction.

“Okay, okay-- I call you back. Have gotten to meeting now. Have to go. Okay okay... I-- Am hanging up now.” Boris ended his call with a short sigh and tap of his heels on the sidewalk at Theo’s feet.

“Meeting? Is that me?” Theo asked, not sitting up. He tucked his chin down to look at Boris down to his feet. He was dressed well-- impressive but understated, per usual.

“Have to sound like am somewhere they cannot call back.” Boris shrugged. “Very pushing.”

“Pushy.” Theo said, putting his near-filter cigarette between his lips. “And in your line of work? I find that hard to believe.” Theo pulled quickly and harshly, flaring the red embers and finishing off the last of his eighth cigarette.

“Potter.”

Theo stubbed out the end and fished for another one in the box beside the tray. “What.”

“What are you doing outside? Like this?”

"Hobie won’t let me smoke inside, you know that.”

“Potter, you are... French Girl on steps.”

Theo furrowed his eyebrows, looking at Boris with a short grunt of confusion. It took for Boris to pretend to drape himself sideways, a hand pretending to touch a Heart of the Ocean necklace for Theo to cough up a laugh.

“I technically half own this shop; I can be... moderately weird looking on my own front steps.” Theo spoke around the cigarette, his lips pursed and hands cupping around the end and his lighter.

“Potter, what is problem?”

What was his problem? Rather, when wasn’t there a problem? Why did Theo have to be so disagreeable? Absolutely nothing made him relieved anymore. Every day was... well, it was nice: waking up and getting an improved Las Vegas experience with Boris. But it was looked at from behind a glass, from behind a refusal really be present. Theo was waiting for something to give-- for someone else to disappear-- he just couldn’t settle. Theo was waiting... but he didn’t even know where to look to brace for impact.

It was far easier to just sit and smoke, completing one three-inch task at a time.

“I don’t have a problem.”

“You are terrible at lying. You know this, yes? Are aware cannot lie-- and cannot lie to me most?” Boris laughed. He moved the ashtray and sat on the step with Theo. “You fight with Hoobie?” He mispronounced.

“No, it’s not about him.” Theo pinched his cigarette between his knuckles. In his denial, he’d implied the only other man present.

“Is about me.” Boris said. He grabbed the cigarette from Theo’s fingers, quickly putting it between his lips-- almost with a smirk. “I have done what now?”

“No, no don’t say it like that.” Theo groaned, pushing himself up onto his elbows. “I’m not trying to start an argument with you.”

“Can talk about being annoyed without starting an argument.” Boris said with a laugh. “Is this why you and wife never worked out?”

“Ha ha. Hilarious.” Theo slouched back, his spine ribbing against the rough edge of the cement steps. As if his quick-drawn, slowly-shot temper was the reason he and Kitsey had severed the engagement. As if Boris didn’t know rightly well-- making smoke rings and looking pleased with himself-- what and who the real reason included. “Asshole.” Theo took the cigarette back from Boris after a long few minutes of hypnosis-- watching him pull his cheeks in and then shape the smoke in front of him. He’d smoke it down to the filter already.

Boris fiddled in his pockets for his lighter as he pulled another one from Theo’s pack. “So what is issue? It is me, Potter, I am not present for very little of your day-- and in that time, you have gotten upset. Tell me-- ack fucking zapalniczka-- Tell me what has happened to you.” His lighter finally caught and his eyes darted back to Theo’s face. The protected flame flickered and twinkled across his face.

“To me? Why am I the object of this? Why are things being done to me? What am I just some--” Boris blinked at Theo. He blew all the smoke from his first pull directly into Theo’s face. “Okay. So picking a fight about your English maybe isn’t the right angle here.”

"Genialność.”

“Sorry.” Theo toss his cigarette butt down and stomped on it. He ground the filter across the rough sidewalk. He expected it to smear, but the white fluff tore and webbed on the emerging bits of gravel.

“So you need to talk, yes? Willing to pick bone with my sentence-- empty fight.” Boris held out the cigarette. “Something is bothering you. Can see it in your shoulders. You do not sit right when you are upset-- angry? Is it anger, Potter?”

Was it? Was Theo angry at Boris-- or whatever it was about Boris that made Theo’s entire world brighten, but also feel that much darker when he wasn’t there to distract him. “No. I’m not angry at you.”

"It is about me.” Boris wasn’t offended or surprised. He was formulating an answer.

“No-- No, it’s not. I just said it wasn’t-- Boris, can’t you just drop it? I don’t want to fucking talk about this right now.” Theo pinched the cigarette between his thumb and forefinger.

“What is this? You have not said anything! Have just said is not is not is not. What is it!” Boris leaned his elbow on the step above him, leaning his body back but also closer to Theo. He lowered his voice and furrowed his eyebrows. “Potter, can tell me. Is it something that happen at work? People come in? Cause trouble?” Theo expected there to be a joke-- or at least the comic relief of Boris thinking someone held up the shop or robbed it. But, Boris was seriously only inquiring about anything out of the ordinary. Out of the realm of numbness.

Boris wanted to know about what made Theo feel-- and today, it was just the slow phases of waiting, bracing, denying. Maybe Boris was asking to hear about those other feelings too, but Theo couldn’t speak them first. Not before he thought they were real and lasting. The ground was just starting to feel sturdy under him.

“No trouble.” Theo said with a shrug. He passed Boris the cigarette again. Boris took it with a slow hand.

Theo remembered, when Boris coughed and sniffled shortly, again just how much Boris hated his brand of smokes.

Theo watched Boris place the innocently damp end of the cigarette between his own lips. The dryness of Boris’s lips stuck to the paper gently as he pulled it back out of his mouth, resting his arm over his knee. Theo licked his own lips-- not sure what he thought he’d taste.

“Hm.” Boris hummed. He paused before taking another drag. “Okay.”

Theo watched his mouth again, knowing the vitriol Boris held for the flavor, for the smell and feel of the paper, for everything but the man who always smoked them. Boris inhaled slower than Theo had been feeling all week; it was a strange feeling of solidarity. Of being seen in the dark, even when Boris wasn’t looking.

It was like Theo could know he’d always be found.

“I’m upset about you.” Theo said, swallowing the thickness in his throat.

“About? I do not understand-- about me?”

“About you-- about what... what we’re doing.” Theo rolled his eyes at his own immaturity. “It feels...” He clenched his jaw and Boris waited, waving his hand in a circular motion to egg him on. “It feels weird still. It feels weird and kind of... weird, okay? I-I don’t like it.”

“Do not like being with me?” Boris said with far too much neutrality for Theo’s comfort.

“No! Not literally, Boris. It’s like... It’s not supposed to be like this. Things like this don’t last forever.”

“Since when is that rule?”

“Since we’re both addicts that nearly got arrested for-- God, you name the crime.” Theo said dryly.

“You mean to say,” Boris coughed and pointed at Theo, handing him the cigarette back. He waved his smokey exhale away from Theo’s face. “we are two men that are not like people here.” He smoothly moved his hand over and waved at the sidewalk. It was a surprisingly acute summation of Theo’s unarticulated turmoil. Theo blinked quickly.

"I don’t want it to crumble under me.” Theo muttered. “I can’t have that happen again... First my mom and then the Barbours and then my dad and then the Barbours again and--” Theo accidentally sighed before he was ready to exhale his smoke. “I just want one good thing to last, you know?”

Boris nudged Theo’s hand. At first Theo thought he wanted the cigarette, until he felt another gentle graze of Boris’s fingertips over the inside of his wrist, warm and slightly sticky.

“I know.” Boris said quietly. “Will last as long as we need it to.”

“What if I want that to be forever? Does that make me-- I don’t know? Does that ruin it?” It ruined it. It definitely ruined it. To want something to outlive it’s expiration date? To claw out one more year when the sun and gone down--

“No.” Boris grabbed Theo’s hand, looking as if he was catching him from falling. “Because I want end of time too. Want us to be dying or dead before we give up on what it is we share.”

The touch-- public and openly intimate without any confusion-- scared Theo. “Either way, you know I’ll find you in Hell anyway.” He diverted.

“Pfft, as if I am not going to Heaven.” Boris laughed, leaning in and gently pushing on Theo’s arm. “Have done great service-- gone all over God’s green earth for pure great things in life. I am good person! Straight to Heaven!”

"Promise to bring me with you?” It was hollow wish, asking to go to Heaven. Theo knew the futility of impossibility. It was nice to know Boris would be with his mom though--

“Potter, is no question. You are going to be with me.”

Even in death, even beyond his realm of knowing, Boris was so certain. Maybe he knew something Theo didn’t. Wouldn’t be the first time.

Theo wondered if Boris knew everything Theo did-- everything he was thinking, in that moment and always.

“Thank you.” Theo put out his cigarette on the railing, sitting up straight finally.

“Why? Have not said anything that is not basic fact. No need to thank me.”

“Thank you... for this moment of, uh, Heaven, I guess.”

“Will give to you any time. Am always yours.” The sincerity pushed down on Theo’s shoulders, slowing him down but if only to be able to wade in the moment. It was warm in a way his prickling fingertips could not be.

As Boris pushed himself up to stand-- and turned to help Theo do the same-- Theo licked his lips, still trying to taste the same nicotine and hesitation he could see glossing the swell of Boris’s bottom lip. It wasn’t time to know then what it tasted like. Later. Theo would find out-- ask-- when they were quiet, safely together, tucked under the awning of the basement door.

Bitter and sour, but pulling Theo with a taunting sweetness. Coarse under Theo’s fingers, but familiar to thread between them. All with heavy smoke circling their clothes that looked a whole lot like clouds in the bright shine of afternoon. Heaven that followed them wherever they went. Heaven that was them.

#boreo #theo and boris #tgf fics #boreo fics #my fics

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