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themian · 4 years

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What are the top reasons why men pull away?

Well as you commented, there are many broad reasons why a man will pull away. There is no doubt that it can be a very unsettling experience. Think about it, one minute he seems really into you, he may even have told you he loved you. Then literally overnight, he has pretty much disappeared, he has become distant all of a sudden.

Before I get into what I believe the top reasons why men pull away are, I will say this…

Some men are simply just jerks, some will run a mile when it comes time to settle down, and in some situations there is absolutely nothing you can do to get him back again. As hard as that is to deal with, just realize in the long run, you are better of without him!

However …. the good news is, that despite what media and Hollywood may tell you, most men aren’t jerks, and really do want to settle down with someone they can form a truly strong connection with.

To answer your question, in my opinion there are 3 broad reasons why a man will pull away all of a sudden. The good news is, that you can often change your behavior to help resolve the situation.

Being Too Emotional:

If it’s relatively early days in your relationship, then there is a risk that you can be too emotional too quickly with a man.

If you wore your emotions on your sleeve, or you became to needy or clingy with him, then you have very likely scared him off.

The good news is, if you back off a little, and don’t put too much pressure on him, he will most likely come closer again. Be cool for a while, and he will wonder whats going on, and come back.

2. Lacking A Connection:

Contrary to popular belief, men do actually want to meet someone, just like a women does. They like the idea of settling down with someone they can connect with (when they have matured a bit)

Men are actually looking for someone to have a strong emotional connection with. When they are young, they tend to go looking for it by looking for sex. But this matures over time, and they grow up. All they want is someone they can connect with on a strong emotional level. For a women who he feels like, will support him through thick and thin.

Just like you, most men have dreams, and they want to know they have the support at home, to have the guts to go out and chase those dreams.

3. Putting Too Much Pressure On Him:

This is common in couples who have been dating or in a relationship for a while. When you start putting pressure on a man to move the relationship to a new level, he will often pull away.

This may be a commitment for moving in together. Or to get married, or have children. Anything really. But if he feels like he is being pressured into something, he will pull away and become distant.

You need to make him feel like he is making a mutual decision with you, not feel like he is having an ultimatum put on him.

These are the 3 main reasons why a man will pull away. His specific behavior will be as a result of of one of these things. (Unless he is truly a jerk). The good news is this is completely fixable. For more information, on how to turn this situation around, check out our website Why Men Pull Away In Relationships

Men are strange creatures. With a few words or a simple sentence, you could have him pulling away for reasons you just cannot comprehend. If you have been in a relationship for a while and find that your man is pulling away from your fear not, it may be something you are completely unaware of. Here are three reasons that he may pull away from you.

Moving too quickly

This is a common reason he may get distant. If he has been single for most of his life except for the occasional relationship, then he is most likely a slow mover. If you have been dating for a short amount of time and by men's definition short equals in a year, then talking marriage and kids just might scare him off. If you are trying to move him along too quickly, he may pull away from you to protect himself. Ease up on the marriage and kids' questions so he can come back to you.

Past hurts

If your man comes from a home where divorce happened early on and happened messily, then he may suffer from those past hurts. Unbeknownst to many, we carry the hurts from childhood into our adult lives. Those hurts may manifest in funny ways. If he grew up in a home where the marriage ended badly, he just may be carrying those hurts with him and is afraid that getting married may bring back those hurts. Handle this with care as he may not be ready to deal with these kinds of issues just yet.

Insecurity

All men feel like they are built for something bigger and better. They feel like they have a big goal to accomplish ahead of them and until they get there, then they will be on that journey. If he has yet to achieve his life's dreams he may be feeling inadequate and just not good enough for you. If you make more money than him, have a better job, and drive a better car, it just may be his own insecurities that is causing him to pull away from you any time you mention marriage or anything long term. Starting an open conversation about his feelings is a start, but he may not be ready to open up fully just yet.

There are many other reasons why he may be pulling away from you, but from past experiences and talking to many male friends, these three are at the top of the list. If you have been moving too quickly for his taste then slow things down. If you know that he comes from a broken past, then you may need to ease up and move at his pace and be as encouraging as possible. If he is suffering from feeling insecure then you need to start showing him that you love him for him and not what he has. You can get him to be the man you know he can be and make a commitment.

If you are looking for ways to get him to stop pulling away or to get him to say "I Do" as quickly as womanly possible go to my profile.

Being clingy, crying a lot and giving yourself away too much, trying to change them, to name a few.

When girls start calling every hour, and the ratio exchange of messages between man vs women is “1:10”, you keep asking them where they are and why haven’t they called you back, what happened in their day, why aren’t they giving you importance, etc. it pushes a man away. Also, threatening to do something if they don’t do what you want them to do (like - if you don’t meet me, I will do ____) It could be anything - self-harm, blackmail, reveal info to friends, call up parents and tell them about the relationship, etc.

Also, wanting to change the man - you may think they are damaged and bad boys and that they need to change - however they won’t unless they want to. If they smoke, they will not stop if you keep nagging at them. You either accept it or stop nagging - they will stop talking to you but continue to smoke if it gets too much.

If you don’t like his friends, don’t tell him that. Don’t stop him from hanging out with his friends - give him the space to enjoy his guy time. Don’t isolate them from their friends thinking they should only hold you important and no one else.

Also, doubting them pushes them away - “who are you with, but you said this, are you cheating on me? Are you with a girl? If no, let me check your phone and prove your innocence” kind of shit

Let a man feel like a man and don’t do any of the things that are mentioned above. If he wants to be with you or meet you, he will. If he isn’t showing the same interest as you, calling him again and again, crying, threatening, blackmailing, won’t help in any way and it’ll only push them away further.

Remember, you don’t have to force someone to do anything. Let them be the way they are. If they show love and interest, they will be there for you. If you see they are distancing themselves from you, have a conversation of what’s happening and please let go if it isn’t working out.

Nagging, controlling, attempts to change the guy.

“I love you just the way to you are, now change”

Examples:

When we were dating, we always listened to the rock station while driving. Now we have a fight if I don't turn on NPR.

“You're strong enough, you don't need to go to the gym anymore”

You want me to get dressed like it's a “date” just to go to target with You?

I recall one relationship. I like to go to the show. I go to very specific types of movies. Ibwant my popcorn and cherry coke. I kike to sit dead center and at a distance wear the screen exactly fills ny field of vision. I like to show up early enough where I get the good seat and have time to get popcorn and use the toilet and not have to rush. But somebody wanted me to skip the popcorn and soda and show up late, get crappy aisle seats and miss the previews. So after the ditching the “hey, wanna go to the show?” routine, it became “hey, I'm going to the show and I'm leaving at 5:00 pm. If ya wanna go with, be in the car at 5:00 pm”. Caused a fight. So I switched gears again, lying about the start time, so we'd get there on time. Caused a fight. Then it just became a quick text that “I'm going to the show.”, which caused 40 texts during the show. Then it was “im gping to the show, gotta turn off my phone”, which caused a fight. Then I tried the “im seeing scavengers at 7:00 pm. Hope you meet me there.”. Eventually I just stopped saying anything but “I got stuff to do, call ya later.”

That's how it happens.

The premise, I presumed, was that if I really loved her, the time together would be more important than what I wanted.

And so forth.

Don't be that girl/woman.

I cannot answer for all guys, but the only times I have ever pulled away is when I have witnessed severely emotionally unstable behavior. Witnessing a woman start arguememts for no other reason than the fact that she created an issue that didn't exist, ran it all the way to a conclusion, and brought it into the real world to in turn, try to make it a real problem - is very troublesome… especially when emotion clouds their ability to see it.

In any case I have witnessed this behavior, I have left. Just to see more instability surface, which of course, proves my entire point to begin with. And, in these cases where more eradic behavior surfaces, (calling, emailing, stalking, texting, etc.) their emotions cloud their judgement so much, that they actually feel justified in what they are doing. Regardless of how crazy it really is.

It really is amazing how someone will be your best friend, support system, and lover, until they start shit that you call them out on. Then, they go on a slew of downright scary and sometimes illegal behaviors, thinking they have the right to do so.

Hell hath no fury like a person completely out of touch with reality and their own power to destroy themselves and others.

The sad part is, no lesson is ever learned. And they will soon move onto their next victim.

There is many reasons.

Things are moving to fast and he needs a breather from the intensity of his emotions. Common one for guys, women actually have better emotional comping ability then men. This is because women have a larger Deep Limbic System which is a part of the brain that’s responsible for emotional coping.

You are pressuring him by asking question about his feelings If he is experiencing an internal conflict, it can be good to not pressure him, this can make things worse

He’s falling out of love There is many reasons for this, what you can do about it to make sure you’re being the best person you can be. Make sure you give him time to get back in touch with his feelings for you before you start to question him on them. Here is a youtube video I made that may give you some more info:

Men pull way when the woman is way too draining and being with her is far worse than being alone, when she is never satiafied, annoying, drains his energy and acts as if he has no business in her life despite them both agreeing to be together then its time to go, and most men do just that .

If i have to chase a woman, to constantly prove my love or commitment then its time to dump her and i have done it in the past .

Women think men pull away because they are afraid of marriage, tell that to all those attractive, classy, nice and good women who have a man by their side, iam sure they would be more than willing to disagree with you .

You flake

Don't make plans and cancel or show up late. This is the fastest track to a guy losing interest.

Talk shit about your friends and other people.

It's okay to vent, but if it's constant, you look toxic and he'll wonder what you're saying about him behind his back.

Send mixed signals

If he's second guessing you all the time, you two are done. Every guy is afraid of being seen as a creep, desperate, or a possibile “R” word. Seriously, sit on the couch with him if you like him. It's a simple signal you're interested.

This is early day stuff, but it's usually when guys will cry uncle and decide you aren't worth his time.

Wow, in my opinion, there can be MANY things that push a man away. Men can be hard to understand and decipher for women, but mostly because women often do not pay attention to what a man says. Instead of hearing what the guy said, we tend to obsess later with our friends (“…What do you think he really meant by that?”)

So, here is a brief list of what I think pushes a man away. I’m not trying to be unfeeling or insensitive, believe me, I’ve experienced my share of heartache with men and relationships.

You have nothing going on in your life - but him. This is way too much pressure to put on anyone.

You are nagging and constantly “making him wrong”. No one wants to hang around for this type of treatment.

You have too much drama in your life. (Family drama, work/school drama, friend drama, Facebook drama…you get the picture…(At some point, it’s just not a coincidence anymore and you have to gain some control over your situation and actions).

You try to keep him away from seeing his friends, or doing what he wants to do when you aren’t together. (He is his own person, you don’t own him. Think about if the shoe was on the other foot!)

You are constantly texting him and checking up on him.

You act insecure and you don’t trust him. (If you truly have reasons to not trust him, then find someone you CAN trust!)

You are available every minute of the day and night. He never has a chance to “miss you”. This one relates back to #1. I’m sure there are more, but hope this list helps. Remember, if you are having trouble with keeping a man’s attention - he might not be the right man. There are tons of great guys out there. Don’t settle for someone who is not treating you the way you want to be treated.

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