#where i didn't change my mind two days later was when i was 12. but fell/were in love before s1 and started liking each other in

[maddy-ferguson]

The way people think mike and will fell in love prior to s1 or they were in kindergarten... i am asking again, why do you guys read fanfic too much and want bad writing.

lmaoooo when they were in kindergarten is not serious AT ALL like that's BAD fanfic writing

[hidden-poet]

Commander Snow; 9

Commander Snow

Summary; Under the advice of Dr Gaul Coriolanus returns back to district 12 where without blinding light of lucy-grey he could see you.

Warnings; dead dove to do not eat, stalking, unrequited love, breeding kink, violence, possessive!Snow, unco/dubco, sexual content, she/her pronouns, explicit, violence, death, sexual assault

Editor: @hotline-to-hell

chapter one

Chapter two

Chapter three

Chapter four

Chapter five

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

chapter 9

Chapter 10

When you woke in the morning, the feeling of crushing weight had been released from your chest. The cold mountain air was easy to breathe, and you were now at ease with your loved ones so close. 

It had been three weeks since you had escaped. Not a soul had bothered you here. The mountain was too steep and difficult to search. 

You felt safe with Edmund here. Like the nightmare was finally over. 

Each morning when you woke, Edmund was the first you would look for. You often found him just outside your cabin door by the campfire.

This morning was no exception. 

“Good morning,” he greeted. He was chopping large blocks of wood into smaller pieces for the fire.

“Hey. Did you need a hand?” You walk down the steps of the cabin to where he worked. 

“Sure. Can you make a pile from the wood?”

You trip over the sole of your broken boot. They were too old to survive the mountains. Edmund stops his work to watch you trot over, trying to kick your shoe back in place.

“I was going to go down later this morning to pick up some more flour, and fruit. I’ll see if Vincent’s daughters have any spare shoes.”

You hated when he went down the mountain to get more supplies. Always sure that he wouldn’t return.

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t,” you comment.

“Even if they’re not your size, it’d be better than what you got.”

“I meant to go down. It’s dangerous. Peacekeepers are still looking for us.”

“Ah, I’ll be right.” Edmund takes up his work again, swinging the ax down, “They’re looking in the wrong spots anyway. I had Frances tell a guard you were hiding in the canal beneath the wash house. They’ll be searching for weeks.”

You imagine Coriolanus wading through dirty water and laugh at the thought.

“In any case. My shoes will be fine. I don’t want you wasting your money on me.”

“My money? It’s you who got Snow to send the money to your mother. Boy, was I glad to get that letter!”

He stands tall and pulls an imaginary letter out of his pocket, pretending to read it.

“Dear Edmund, I think of you every day. Wishing, wanting, waiting for you to come to me. I dream about how handsome you are. Strong and smart too.”

You laugh at him. 

“I think Snow wrote that one.”

He laughs with you but all too soon the mood turns back somber.

“I was really worried about you, you know? We all were."

He reaches out to take your hand into his. 

“I was so worried about you!” You twist his hand so you can place a kiss on the back of it. 

“I kept thinking about you trapped with him. I had no idea what he was doing to you.”

You knew what he was insinuating and the thought of it made you shudder. You were his. Would he want you less if he believed that Coriolanus had already touched you? Was that why he had reverted to treating you like a kid? He hadn’t touched you like lovers do since you have been here. Was it because Coriolanus had already marked his territory?

You push his hand away, irritated at the thought. 

“He didn’t do anything to me.”

He reaches back and brushes over the almost healed bruised spots on your neck. You recoil in embarrassment. The night in the kitchen fills your mind. You felt a pool of embarrassment form in your stomach. You should have hated it all but as you remember it, your legs squeeze tighter. It felt good, and you didn't feel like  a victim because of it. 

“You know it doesn’t matter. What he did or didn’t do. It doesn’t change anything.”

“Shut up,” you beg. “Let's just agree to never talk about him again. He’s gone, or will be. Dead to the district and to us.”

“Okay,” Edmund agrees. “I am sorry.”

 You felt bad for lashing out at him when he was only trying to help. You had promised yourself just days ago to be the best thing that had ever happened to him. 

“I’ll go cook breakfast, alright? ‘’

Edmund had caught some fish just yesterday. Even scaled and prepared them for you. And this is how you repaid him?

You go back into the cabin and start to warm up the hot plate in the corner. Coriolanus was far away, yet he still seemed to haunt you. Sometimes you felt his fingertips graze your skin. 

He came to you at night mostly, when Edmund wasn’t around to distract you.

You would wake up swearing that you could feel his weight on top of you. You would wake up checking for bruises from where he held you down but your skin was clear. 

You thought the clear air would push him out but he was stuck and you couldn’t shake him out. 

Would it always be like this? Would your life with Edmund be plagued by thoughts of Coriolanus?

 No. You just need to focus more on Edmund. Time would take care of the rest.  

You push any other thought apart from cooking the fish out of your head. Preparing the food to perfection would exonerate you from your earlier thoughts. 

—- 

Nights were colder up in the mountains then at the compound. Edmund lent you a jacket but it did little to keep out the cold. It added to your sleep troubles. Some nights you would only get an hour or two. Some nights you wouldn’t sleep at all. 

You toss and turn next to your mother, trying not to wake her. You felt unsettled. Too unsettled to sleep. 

Edmund slept on the floor beside you thinking that it might help you sleep. 

You found yourself wanting to be held. After nights with Coriolanus you had gotten used to being coddled. 

You move off the bed and onto the floor next to Edmund. 

“Hey, stranger,” he whispers. 

A lazy arm is thrown over you but it isn’t enough. 

You push closer. “Tighter,” you demand. 

He obliged but it still wasn't enough. Coriolanus would hold you so tight, you felt like it was hard to breathe. You used to hate it but as it turns out you can’t sleep without it. 

Edmund smelt nicer. A soft woody smell. 

He treated you nicer too. Let you choose what you did. You could be angry with him if you chose to. He wouldn’t seek to punish you for it. 

Coriolanus tried to buy your love. Edmund tried to earn it. 

You would learn to sleep without needing to be held in time. 

In the meantime Edmund would be there to support you.

—-----

You sit with Edmund by the campfire while the others sleep. Edmund had paid a informant handsomely to relay District information. He came once a week, late at night to avoid being caught. 

You throw a stick into the fire, your boredom and irritation building the longer it takes. 

“Do we have enough money for him to keep coming up here to tell us the same thing? Peacekeepers are still searching, Snow’s angry. I could tell you that.”

“Roger has his use.  He only needs to give us one piece of crucial information to make the money worth it.” 

“And if we run out before he gives it to us?”

Edmund throws his own stick in the fire, watching it burn. 

“We’ll be right. We still have the three panams from Snow. I have a little left in savings, by the time all that runs dry, it’ll be mining season again.

“Mining season? Surely this will be over by then. We can’t hide here amongst everyone.”

“What choice do we have, Y/N? The Peacekeepers haven’t let up. We can’t go back to the District. When you mine together, you become family. They wouldn’t betray me.” 

Betray him, sure. But you were no one to them. You open your mouth to argue this point but the sound of kicked rocks draws your attention. 

A little man in gray, worn clothing and a cap covering his bald head is lightened by the fire. 

“You’re late.” Edmund comments. 

“Yeah well, Peacekeepers have doubled patrolling the area at night. I come late or I don’t come at all.” 

“Well?” Edmund pushes. He stands up with the coins in his hands. 

“Ravenstill’s dead. Snow’s gone back to the Capitol,” the man spits out on the grass before continuing talking, “Saw him get on the train this mornin’ myself.” 

You sigh in victory. He was gone. Now all that was left was to wait out the attention span of the Peacekeepers. 

“Hold on now. I didn’t say he was staying away. Peacekeeper tells me he’ll be back by the time the week is out with the new Commander.”

“But then he’s gone, right? District 12 can’t have two Commanders?” You rise next to Edmund. 

The older man shrugs his shoulders. “Maybe. He’s offering a large reward for your capture.” 

“Yeah, well I’m offering your life.” Edmund’s voice is hard and threatening. He throws the coin pouch at the man who catches it. 

“Settle, boy. I ain't no traitor. I am just saying it seems unlikely that he would offer up such a price only to walk away.” 

“Keep us updated on the movements of Snow and the areas the Peacekeepers are targeting.”

The man opens the coin pouch to look inside before nodding his head and turning back the way he came.

You take hold of Edmund’s arm. You worried for his fate if you were found. You worried for your own fate. He was unbearable when you failed to escape. Now you have succeeded, what laid ahead if you were to return?

—------

You began to have nightmares of Coriolanus finding you. You would wake with your mother's arms wrapped around you, and Edmund calling your name. 

The dreams always ended the same, no matter how they started; with everyone dead at your feet. 

You would run and hide from him in the forest like the night at the cabin. He would find his way into the cabin late at night and crawl on top of you while your protectors slept. One time he dropped from the sky. 

But you woke to find he hadn’t found you yet.

You avoided going to sleep. Your mother joined in solidarity, despite your protests. She would stay up with you to chase the bad thoughts away. 

Edmund's mother stayed up too. She didn’t want to be the only adult asleep. 

You all wait for the update Roger will bring. 

You sit next to Edmund watching the flames. You don’t hear the man approaching until Edmund's mother greets him. The man offers a head nod back but his attention is for Edmund. 

“Peacekeepers are still searching. Mainly in the city blocks. Rumor that she was seen selling cupcakes in town.” 

You scoff at the thought. At least it kept the Peacekeepers preoccupied. 

“Alright,” Edmund throws the money to Roger but the man doesn’t disappear, “Was there something else?” 

“Her brother,” your heart stops beating. “They got him locked up in the Capitol jail.” 

You shoot up from the log in a panic. 

You feel Edmund grab your hand but can’t hear the words that he is telling you. 

“It’s alright. It’s alright,” he finally breaks through, “They won’t hurt him. He’s all the leverage they’ve got.” 

“God. Edmund, what if they do? It’ll be my fault.” Your tears choke you as you speak.

“They won’t. He’ll be safe, okay. He wouldn’t kill him unless he knew you knew.” 

“What are we going to do? I have to go back. He’ll let him go if I-”

“Don’t be stupid. If you go back now, he’ll use Archie to keep you in line forever.” 

“We can’t leave him there.”

“We won’t. If he wants the presidency he’ll have to go back to the Capitol. We wait him out, and when the new Commander comes, he’ll see Archie was kept for no reason and we will buy him back.” 

Your mother sat sobbing and you joined her. 

Dear God, what have you done?

“From what I was told, they ain't hurt him.”

“See?” Edmund says, “So long as you stay hidden, there would be no point in hurting him.” 

Edmund’s mother comes over and wraps her arms around her elder son. Archie was special to her too. 

You had put all her sons in danger. In her heart, there was no more room for you.

—------------

The news of Archie’s arrest had dampened spirits. The days were long and everyone was irritable.

Edmund feared for his friend. You feared for your brother.

He had spent all his life protecting you, now only for you to get him killed. You wished you were still a little girl waiting by the door for your older brother to come home from work. It was a similar feeling to now. The dread of him not coming home filled you.

You wondered how Coriolanus got him on the train. Was it under threat? Did he beat Archie into submission? Or did he lie and deceive Archie?

Your mother was adamant that his capture was not your fault. Even if that was true, Archie’s detention was. You knew Coriolanus would let you trade yourself for your brother. But Edmund was right, if you folded now your family would always be ready for capture to be used against you.

Edmund’s mother was less sympathetic to it all. You had dragged her family into this and now the boy she considered a third son was rotting in jail because you were too precious to submit to the Commander like the rest of District 12.

She was cold to you, never speaking directly to you and only offering glaring stares. Being treated so terribly oddly felt validating. People should be angry with you. You had put them in danger.

You look at Edmund's little brother across the other side of the campfire. He clung to his mother's skirt, resting his head on her lap. He was just a boy, you couldn’t bear it if a hair on his head was harmed. And yet you have asked him to hide in a mountain with you. Leave his school and his friends behind.

No one had spoken for hours as you sat together around the camp, so when Edmund moved suddenly it caught everyone's attention. 

He shoots up from where you rested upon him on the log to gaze out as smoke ringlets circle the sky. 

“Get your things. Make sure to leave nothing behind.”

None of you move, perplexed at his outburst. 

“Now!” he shouts, “Move!” 

His anxiety caused you all to jump up and follow his command. He kicks dirt over the campfire to make it look unused while the rest of you pack what little you have. 

 You came with nothing so you focused on the pots and pans, and stripping the beds. 

He joins you as you work with his mother and brother to clean their room. 

“What’s going on?” His mother demands but doesn’t stop her work of shoving clothes into a sack held by her youngest son. 

“Peacekeepers are searching the mountains.” 

“Where are we going to go?” you panic. They would search all of the mountains. 

“The mines. They won’t search there. Too unstable for people who don’t know what they are doing.” 

He takes the bag of pans off you and throws it over his shoulder. 

The mines were a dangerous place to hide, and there was no certainty that the Peacekeepers wouldn’t search them. If they did you would be trapped. They would just keep pushing forward until your group reached a dead end.

Nevertheless, Edmunds leads the group to the trail that leads into the mines. 

You couldn’t decide what would be worse, dying by a Peacekeeper or in a mine like your father. 

But with Edmund’s hand in yours, at least the rocks of the mountain would let you keep him. The Peacekeepers would tear you from him only in death. 

Even with the bags of stuff, the trail is tread quickly.

The cave is dark and so, so cold. You hide in the shadows with your group. Edmund stands to the front once he has herded the group into safe standing. 

It is completely silent for what feels like a lifetime. Nothing but the birds in the trees and the wind. It lulls you into a false sense of security. Maybe Edmund was wrong. Maybe his source on the other side was mistaken and blew the smoke prematurely. But soon a distant sound of heavy tire treads could be heard rolling up the hill.

You ignored the first sign of people approaching. But as they got heavier and the talking got louder, it got harder to assure yourself that you wouldn’t be found.

You clutch Edmund's arms. You feel it move to reach for the pocketknife in his pocket. 

Peacekeepers call to each other. They were close, you could hear clearly as they spoke. 

“Hey, let's go.”

“Commander Snow said every inch”.

“You lookin’ to get killed? Those mines collapse all the time.” 

You hold your breath waiting. Should you walk out now to save everybody else?

“Come on, man. No one’s here. We’ve still got half the forest to get to. Come on.”

You feel Edmund relax under you as the Peacekeepers walk away. 

None of you move. The threat remains in the woods. None of you were safe until the Peacekeepers were out of the woods and had reported to Coriolanus that nothing was there. 

The mountains were large, you wondered how many Peacekeepers had been spared to search it. Even if thirty men, it would take a whole day at least.

It was a whole day spent in the cave, waiting for the Peacekeepers to come back. But no sound was ever heard.

Night falls before Edmund makes the call to investigate. 

His mother kisses him before he leaves. 

You cringe under her stare. You had put her baby boy in danger. It was your fault that she now had to hide in the mountains away from her home. 

It will be a rocky start once all of this is over. How could you work to earn back her affection after all the pain you have caused her? 

Edmund's little brother had taken over the role of protector. He stood at the front of the cave, tall and fierce like his brother had. He clutched his knife and looked out into the night with a hunter's eyes.

Edmund was gone for hours but his little brother never tired of his role. If Peacekeepers turned up, the little boy was ready.

You watch over him as his mother makes what little she can from the food.

A dark figure cast into the cave, and you grab the little boy, pulling him back against you to protect him. It was too tall, too broad for Edmund. You shrink back into the shadows as it approaches, reaching down to pull the knife from the boy. On instinct, you open your mouth to scream but it is Edmund's voice that calls you. 

“They are gone. Cars are gone, and there are no markings to pick up the search. They won’t return.”

You shake the fear out of you and release Edmund's brother from your protective hold. 

Coriolanus had weaved himself into your mind. Every shadow; every sound was him. 

You needed Edmund to take his place, but he often acted like a ghost to you, touching you only in reproach. 

You wanted to keep something from Coriolanus' reach. To give some shred of you to Edmund that could never be given back. 

You started by hugging him tight. 

—---

You had decided to sleep with Edmund at the first opportunity after the scare yesterday.

It was hard to pin him down between his hunting, working around the camp, and his family. 

You felt like his shadow as you lingered, trying to single out his attention. 

He would offer you a smile every time you saw him but wouldn’t stop his work. 

You followed him into the woods but his brother would insist on coming to learn how to shoot. 

Back at camp, his mother blocked you from his attention. It seemed impossible to gain an audience with him. 

You tried to tell him what you wanted but the words would never form in your mouth. He was always too busy to hear them anyway. Telling you to wait until back at camp to tell him what you were trying to say. But camp was too crowded so you always pretended to forget what you wanted to say. 

It took three days of pining before the mothers took the washing to the lake. It would take them all day to rinse and dry the clothes and sheets. Normally you would go and help but today you had a goal in mind. 

You hide Edmund’s catch from this morning and tell Edmund’s brother that another animal had run off with dinner tonight. You had asked him to go catch fish but he was determined that he could catch actual prey. He was a hunter like his brother, he insisted. 

Whatever got him lost for a couple of hours. He didn’t actually have to catch anything but you hoped he did. You would boast about him at dinner. He was a good kid and deserved more attention. 

“Hey,” Edmund greeted you. He had gone to collect more firewood and you had grown impatient waiting for him to get back. 

“Where is everyone?” 

You don’t answer him. He looked so handsome, slightly covered in dirt from his work. 

You wanted this to be the moment you remember forever. If Coriolanus did find you, you wanted to at least have this memory of Edmund. 

He looks confused as you grab his arm and pull him into the cabin but follows your direction. 

You slam the door shut and push Edmund up against the wall, cementing your body like what had been done to you on so many occasions. 

You kiss him hard, letting him know how badly you need him. 

He stills you with a firm grip on your shoulders, tilting his head higher out of your reach. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I want it to be you. Not him.” Even on your tippy toes, you could not reach him. 

“Not now,” he scolds. 

“Yes now,” you refute, “I can feel him getting closer every day.” 

Edmund looks down upon you, taking your face gently in your hands. 

“You’re safe. He’s not going to get you. I’ll keep you safe.” 

You knew he would try but you felt Coriolanus in your bones. You knew he would catch you. 

“Please,” you whine. Your hands reach for his belt but he traps your hands. 

“You are not going to give me this under threat. He’s not going to persuade you to do something you’ve had the past few years to do yourself.” 

“I want to,” you protest. You manage to capture his lips again and he mercifully kisses back. 

His barrier was weak. You were sure you could break it down. His hands held your hips and not your wrists, almost giving you permission. 

“Edmund! Edmund!” The sound of his little brother's voice was heard only seconds before the door opened. 

You separate. Edmund looked almost relieved. He eyes you by his side but gives his attention to his brother. You had broken down his wall but he was saved by the bell. 

“Look!” the little boy proudly held up a small dead rabbit. You wished you insisted on the fish. 

“Good job, buddy.” Edmund moves from you to his brother, straightening his jacket as he walks. 

“I’ll help you dress it.”  Edmund doesn’t look at you as he leads his brother back out to the open. 

“I can do it!” The little voice demanded. 

“I know, buddy. But we can’t afford to lose any meat.”

You could cry at the sense of rejection. Edmund wouldn’t give you another opportunity. You had just wanted to show that you loved him but he would have to settle for words. 

—----

You were cold to Edmund the following days, even as you tried to let it go. You wouldn’t look at him as you passed him his meals. Would only speak to him to answer a question. You wouldn’t say more than what was needed. 

He still slept on the floor next to you despite your behavior.

You knew he was trying to protect you by his rejection but it stung. 

Coriolanus had made you feel desirable.  He performed extraordinary measures just for a kiss. And here you were throwing yourself at Edmund, begging him for just that, only to be tossed aside. 

Was Edmund's affections real or just a product of Coriolanus interference? 

You felt stupid for making the first move. You should have just forgotten the whole thing. Edmund was loyal. He just got confused, and you played the fool. Now you had put him in an uncomfortable situation that could risk any relationship with him after this ordeal. 

 You loved him but you should have stayed silent about it. 

Half of you hoped that Coriolanus would find you and take you away. Maybe Edmund would feel guilty about his rejection, and regret it. 

You roll over in bed towards where Edmund is lying on the floor. 

No, that’s not true. 

You’d rather be Edmund’s doormat than Coriolanus' bride.  

—---------

Coriolanus stood backstage at the presidential show. They would perform now for the audience. Answering questions, and charming the crowd. Coriolanus should feel on top of his game. He was known for being charming. It was all he had for the longest time. 

Augustus stood at the other side of the stage, Coriolanus could see him through gaps in the curtains talking to his campaign manager.

Coriolanus couldn’t bear to talk to anyone until he was forced to. 

His thoughts were occupied with you. All of the District was searched, and all he received from it was rumors. A few whispered leads but nothing to truly go on. 

He needed to shake you out so he could focus on his night. 

He hated you now more than ever. It was one thing to betray him, it was another to interfere with his presidential campaign. You should have been here now to support him. 

But instead, you had run off with another man. He should have killed Edmund when he had the chance. Coriolanus had kept him as a pawn but Edmund had turned himself into a knight. 

Lucky was warming up the crowd to introduce the candidates. Coriolanus couldn’t be thinking of this now. You were here. You had gone back to the apartment and he found you there. There was no hole in the fence Peacekeepers failed to find, and Edmund was dead. 

When he went back to the Snow penthouse tonight, he would find you there. Drinking tea with Grandma’am and Tigris. 

Coriolanus hears his name being called and he enters the stage with a smile.

District 12 was a small place, you couldn’t hide forever. Coriolanus would take the first train back tonight and follow every lead himself. 

—----------

You were adding spices to the stew when wildflowers popped up under your face. 

Edmund stood behind you with a shy smile. 

“I am sorry. Please stop being angry with me,” he begs. 

You take the flowers from him to show you are not hostile. 

“I am not angry. I just-” you pause your words unsure on what to say, “You haven’t kissed me or even really touched me since I’ve been here. If you don’t feel the same way that's fine, Just-”

“You’re really stupid. You know that?” he cuts you off. He takes a step towards you. You take it as an invitation to place your hands on his arms. 

“I’ve loved you since I can last remember. And you take me giving you a little space after you’ve just spent a ridiculous amount of time as a hostage to a man who thinks torturing is the same thing as courting, as a sign I ain't interested?”

You kiss him gently and he allows you to. Your heart swelled under his words. He loved you. 

“I meant what I said though. I ain't touching you under threat. When the time’s right, and it’s just the two of us, I’ll give you anything you want. But allow yourself to heal first. I don’t want you to regret anything.” 

You kiss him again to show your gratitude. 

“Thank you. I am sorry, Edmund. I love you.” 

“I love you too, stupid.” 

Coriolanus shakes Lucky Flickerman's hand as the crowd cheers for him. Presidency was close even if you were far.

—------

Despite not having a choice, camp life was agreeable. You worked closely with Edmund, helping him where you could and supporting him where you could not.

Your mother seemed happy too, despite her son being in the Capitol jail. But plans were already forming to get him out. And he was safe, or at least relatively safe. You had no idea what he faced but you knew it would not be death. Not yet. Not without Coriolanus knowing that you knew what had happened to him.

The new Commander of District 12 was sworn in yesterday. Coriolanus was there to hand over the title. Roger had said he seemed uptight and disinterested in the affair. You were sure Coriolanus would be gone soon.

Back to the Capital where he belonged. An air of victory floated around you. He would be president and you would return to District 12 where you belonged, but as Mrs. Flair.

You no longer had nightmares of Coriolanus. Soon this memory would fade into a distant dream.

But it all happened so fast; a loud banging noise woke you, and dozens of pairs of boots stomped across the floor. Edmund woke too, tried to fight them off but there were too many of them. All in protective gear and all with weapons. 

They drag him and your mother out. None of the Peacekeepers touch you even as you hit and yell. 

It was early morning, the sunlight had just been cast over the mountains but the ground was still frozen and wet with condensation. 

Edmund and your mother were thrown on the ground and held down while their hands were cuffed behind their backs. Edmund's mother and brother soon followed. 

You grapple with a Peacekeeper trying to cuff Edmund's hands. He does his best to avoid you but no one pulls you away. Your hands remain free and none of the Peacekeepers make a move to trap you. 

“Please,” you beg amongst the crying and Edmund’s yelling. 

You almost don't recognize him. His hair had grown out, and he wore an expensive red coat instead of his Commander uniform. 

But his eyes remained the same. Blue and fierce they gazed down at you. You had run straight past him without noticing.

You rush to him in panic, falling at his feet and grabbing his black pant leg in a tight hold. 

“Coriolanus, please,” you beg him, “Please I’ll go back. Just release them.”

He ignores you. Nodding to a Peacekeeper who takes a long length of rope from his belt and throws it over the branch of a tree. Another two bring Edmund to his feet, pushing him as he resists.

His mother wails, joining your begging. 

“No! No! Wait please!” They continue to set up the rope. 

“Coriolanus, please!” you had time to beg as the Peacekeeper does the knot. 

He continues to watch Edmund, listening to Edmund's insults rather than your cries. 

“Commander, please. I won’t ever do it again. I’ll be perfect.” 

He still ignores you. Not even glancing at you as you beg him from the dirt. 

“No, no.” The Peacekeeper finishes the knot and fastens it around Edmund's neck.

You go to reach him. You would hold him up if you had to, but Coriolanus caught you by your hair and held you in place. 

Edmund kicks like a fish out of water as the rope is pulled by two Peacekeepers on the other side. 

You pull against Coriolanus' hold, almost yanking your hair out trying to reach him.

Edmund looks at you as he struggles. His hold body shook, and he kicked at the air in hope. His lips half form your name but it never quite parts from his lips.

Coriolanus does let you go but it was too late. Edmund had stopped kicking. Stopped blinking. Stopped breathing. 

You run to him anyway, dropping where he hung. 

You reach out and touch his foot as it sways. 

“Kiss your mother goodbye, and let’s go.” His voice shoots ice down your spine. 

You wanted to scream and yell and cry, but you could do nothing but stare at the dirt in front of you. The sound of crying filled your ears. Dear god, this was all your fault. 

Coriolanus doesn’t ask you again, just grabs a fistful of hair and yanks you to movement. 

You felt too disorientated to fight back. 

He drags you past Edmund's crying mother and brother who couldn’t tear their eyes away from the tree. 

You wanted to reach out to say something, but Coriolanus was in a rush to get back to the Capitol. 

“Mum,” was all you could call out as you pass her.

He drags you along to a parked patrol car and throws you in the cage used for rebels. 

It felt as if the earth had swallowed you whole. There was no fight left in you. All you felt was despair.

Coriolanus had no pity for you. He barely glanced at you as he locked the cage and closed the door. 

You lay in the back in your borrowed nightdress and Edmund’s jacket. You bring it up to your face as you sob. He was dead. All hope of a happy future was gone with him. You would remain Coriolanus’ slave until the day you died.

The journey throws you around as they speed down the hill and back to the city section of the District. 

You sob the entire way. Edmund was dead because of you. Your brother was in jail. Your mother is now all alone in this world. You wanted to die too. It would be kinder than this existence. 

Edmund was dead because of you. His family left without their provider because of you. Your heart ached. Your grief suffocated you. You gasp for air but your sobs block any from reaching your lungs.

What have you done? Why did you think you stood a chance of escape?

You begged the universe to turn back time. You wouldn’t go to the jail. You were trying to do the right thing but your kindness had led to your world being ripped apart.

Why did you have to do it, you thought to yourself. Life could have been so sweet if you weren’t so foolish.

What would your life be like now? Coriolanus wouldn’t be taking you back to the Compound now there was a new Commander. Were you going to the Capitol so soon?

You had a hard time adjusting to life at the Compound. How would you ever survive the capital?

Would you survive the Capital? After Coriolanus had finished with you, would he keep you around after you had betrayed him?

He seemed a different man. Could he still say he was in love with you? Or has that game now ended?

The car stops at the train station. Talking and car doors slamming cut through the business of the station.

The harsh light enters when the door is yanked open by Coriolanus.

You don’t want to get out, hoping to get shot for your resistance. 

Coriolanus drags you out by your ankle, taking a tight hold of your arm as he gets you upright and pushes through onto the train. 

You don’t struggle against him as he leads you through the busy station. What would be the point?

You enter first class, and the doors get locked by maids behind you. 

The only word you can say is “no”, over and over again. 

This couldn’t be happening. Was this just another bad dream? Please, just let this be a bad dream. 

Coriolanus shoves you into a booth, and you slump against the window. He sits next to you trapping you in. You had no energy to move. Only sob against the cold glass. 

You should have just saved yourself the trouble and stayed. Why did you have to anger him?

With the most important passenger on board, the train moves out of the station. 

“Enough,” he tells you. But you couldn’t follow his command even if you tried. 

You watch the District shoot past you. How you wished you could open the window and throw yourself out. 

The rocks pass, and the trees begin to blur into one another. Coriolanus is silent for hours as you cry against the window still. 

You could feel him sometimes looking at you but otherwise, he just sat there. Fixing the jewelry he wore. A gold pinky ring with your ring stacked on top of it. His coat buttons were dipped in gold. He had a new watch, a present from Tigris for returning home. 

It was only when you shifted from the window and slumped over the table did he speak. 

“We were supposed to be in the Capitol weeks ago.” 

The Capitol. His presidential run. You had just lost everything you had ever known and he talks about being behind schedule.

You sit up to face him. He was no longer the Commander you knew but something far more fearsome.

“You think I care about the Capitol?!” You cry, “You took everything from me! You ruined my life,” you scream at him.

He grabs your jaw in his hand and pushes your head back against the glass. The glass is solid and cold as you are pressed against it.

“Your mother has joined your brother in the District 12 jail. I would be very careful what you say to me. Did you think this was a game? Did you think I wouldn’t search for you? Wouldn’t find you?” 

The door slides open and Coriolanus releases you. A servant walks in with breakfast, and another behind her with juice and pastries. 

They set the food and cutlery down in silence. You notice they don’t look up or around, only at what they are doing. 

Coriolanus doesn’t thank them as they leave. He doesn’t eat either. 

“Coriolanus, are they going to be okay?”

“We could have just left, Y/N. No one had to get hurt.”

You turn back to the window as you speak, “I know.”

The food sat at the table for five minutes untouched before Coriolanus called for it to be taken away again. The servants come quickly and the food is taken away in the same manner it was delivered; quickly and silently. 

“It’s three days to the Capitol.” he stands up as he spoke to you, “Two days after that they will announce the new president of Panem. Whatever this is, it’s finished. You do the slightest thing to displease me and your family will follow Edmund.” 

You flinch at his name. Edmund would haunt you for the rest of your days. You hoped he would. 

“Do you understand me?” he asks.

“Yes, Commander.” 

He flinches at the name but doesn’t comment. He clears his throat and walks away into the other carriage. 

You pick up on your crying again. You should have known that your rage only ever backfired on your loved ones. 

Your throat ached and your eyes were puffy, soon you had no more tears left to cry. 

You try a door to see where it leads but it must have a sensor on it because it didn’t open as easily as it did for Coriolanus. He had trapped you in the room. This was your life now. Waiting for Coriolanus to decide what to do with you.

You curl up on the seat and let the train lull you to sleep.

The servants must have come back in during your nap for when you woke the table was filled with food again. A large jug of water sat on the table. You finish all of it and lay back down again.

Coriolanus returns much later, around dinner time. 

“You’re still there,” he observes as the door lets him through. 

“Where else could I go?” 

His hand presses a large button and what you thought was a wall slides to reveal a bedroom. 

“You should wash up for dinner. You have dirt all over you.” 

You did want to take a shower, but you didn’t want to lose Edmund’s jacket. 

Coriolanus steps forward to grab you, but you rise upon seeing him move. Nothing he said was ever a suggestion.

The room was large, with a queen-sized bed decorated in a rich, heavy fabric of deep blue. There were four large pillows and a set of smaller ones with the Panem emblem on them.

A wall was built to hang clothes. You could only see three sets of Coriolanus’ clothing and a dress and a nightgown for you.

On the other side, there was door to a spacious bathroom. You had thought the commanders apartment bathroom was impressive but now you could see why the Capital looked down at the districts.

This bathroom alone was almost as big as the bedroom in the Commander's quarters. Beautiful gold and white titles lay across the floor. A white marble sink with a gold tap. You reach out to touch it.

‘‘Take your clothes off.” Coriolanus demanded. He reaches for the buttons on his own shirt causing the panic to rise in you again.

What would it matter what he did to you? But still, you felt too frozen to move.

He gets halfway through the buttons on his shirt to see you still dressed. His eyes darken as he reaches out to you.

You shrink back against the marble countertop as he yanks Edmund's jacket from your shoulders and throws it to the ground. Your eyes follow it there, as Coriolanus slips your borrowed nightdress off.

You expected more of a reaction from him after all this time. But he seems uninterested in your naked body. He takes your arm and pulls you to the shower head where he fiddles with the tap until the water is to his liking.

He throws you under the hot water while he finishes undressing. The clothes are left on the floor as he joins you in the shower.

You move out of his way to let him have the water but he pulls you back under and reaches for a soft sponge hanging against the wall.

“Look at you,” he mutters. He scrubs the sponge under your nails to get rid of the dirt that had caked under them.

Satisfied he scrubs the sponge up your arms to your neck and down your back. He scrubs too hard. It feels as if he is peeling off your skin.

He is quick along your stomach. Not spending too much time before moving on.

You flinch when he crouches down to scrub at your legs but he stops mid-thigh and returns to full height, dragging the sponge up your leg and resting on your left hip.

“Are you going to do it now?”  It was important that you were clean for him, you supposed.

He drops the sponge, using his hand to wrap around your throat and force you back into the glass.

You don’t look at him as he stares at you. He steps closer, wrapping his arm around your waist and bring you against him.

He rests his forehead against your collar bone, the steam filled the air and fogged your view. He is so still and silent. He had made no move to grope you. You couldn’t tell if he even looked at you. He just held you close and breathed deeply. 

The room became hard to breathe in as the water turned into steam. But you were too scared to voice even that complaint. He moved from your collar bone to rest his chin on your shoulder but then went still again. 

“Coriolanus?” His name was barely a breath on your lips. 

“I am so angry at you,” he said softly. You feel the hand on your throat tighten.

“How could you do that to me?’’ He lifts his head off of you to look you in the eye.

“Augustus has been opening hospitals and amongst the Capitol people, while I have been chasing you around District 12. Do you have any idea how that made me look?’’

You think of your family in jail as you speak. “I am sorry.”  

“You’re sorry? Not good enough.”

He looked so different with his blonde wet hair pressed down on his forehead. The ends curled slightly towards his face.

“You won, Coriolanus. What more do you want from me?”

“I don’t feel as if I have won. I feel as if I have been betrayed.”

Your eyes twitched with irritation. He felt betrayed? You were astonished you that he felt like the victim after causing you so much pain. He was the only bad thing to have happened. The cause of his own misery.

“You killed Edmund,” you sobbed, “You killed him.”

You bring a fist against his shoulder, but it landed without true force.

“I let him live once. Remember?”

The memory of target training at the train station flashes through your mind before you could block it.

“What made you think I would make the same mistake twice?”

He releases you to turn off the tap. You stood frozen as he dries himself.

His anger had lit yours so when he exited the bathroom, you followed, wet and dressed only in a towel.

“Edmund was a good man.”

Coriolanus was readying himself for bed. He spared you a irritated look.

“And now he’s a dead man.”

His sentence stung you.

You wiped the running tears off your eyes. “He was a good man,” you repeat.

He was the only man for you. The love of your life, now dead and gone.

“How did you know? Did Roger rat us out?” you ask.

“You did,” you wait for him to elaborate as he dresses in his pajamas, “Your letter to your brother. People disappear all the time up there.”

You feel your heart drop at his words. A new wave of guilt comes crashing over you.

“He was smart hiding there. He knew the area well. And the smoke signals? Very good. I never did find out who was sending them, but what use are they if you don’t see them.”

Was. Knew. No more.

 “Well enough to fool my Peacekeepers, but I thought, why would she put that in a letter to her brother? Unless it was to warn him. Why else tell him not to come back? You love your brother, of course you would want him back.”

Tears well in your eyes again.

“Is he okay? Have you hurt him?” you accuse.

“It would serve me no purpose to hurt him.”

His movements are hard and sharp as he puts on his satin button-up shirt.

“So you’ll release him? Both of them?” They served no purpose to him in the Capitol.

“When I can trust you again.” He spat.

It could be years before a paranoid Coriolanus decided he trusted you.

“You can trust me. I promise. I’ll make it up to you, just please let them go.”

You walk over to him, reaching out to touch him. It normally worked to disarm him. He is receptive to you, taking a hand and placing it against your face.

“You know why I can trust you? Because I have your family locked in a cage.”

He disappears along with his touch, going over to the cupboard and throwing a deep blue matching nightgown on the bed.

He says nothing else before returning to the dining room and leaving you in the bedroom alone.

You cry as you dress, and don’t stop as you throw the small pillows across the room and sink into the mattress.

Everything you did was wrong. People were hurt because you weren’t smart enough to protect them. Your mother and brother sat in a dirty jail cell, and you had put them there.

They bore the consequences of your stupidity.

Your mind ran and ran with your anxiety. Images of your mother and brother being beaten in a small cell. Edmund’s family slowly starving to death without him. The memory of Edmund as he swayed from the rope.  

You wallow in bed for an hour before Coriolanus rejoins.

You feel him slip into bed beside you. He wraps his arms tightly around you and for the first time in months you fall asleep easily.

You woke the next morning with the feeling of crushing sadness.

Coriolanus was awake next to you. You could hear him practicing a speech as he laid beside you. You don’t move. You weren’t even sure if you could.

A knock on the door stops him, and he bids the person to come in.

You don’t have to look to know it was a servant with a breakfast tray.

Coriolanus reaches for your shoulder to turn you over. You follow his direction and he props a pillow up behind you so you could sit up.

You thank the person as they put a small table over your lap.

You felt nauseous just looking at the food. But asking them to take it away may cause trouble for them so you wait until they leave to reject the food.

You place the table on the floor and roll back onto your side. Your bones felt like cement, and your eyes welled with tears but you didn’t have the energy to cry.

Coriolanus said nothing to you as he eats.

He mutters his speech between sips of coffee. Soon that was finished too, and he rose for the day.

He crosses your eyesight as he approached the wardrobe, and you watch him dress. It seemed odd to see him in anything other than his Commander uniform.

You had never seen Capitol fashion before. It was full of layers and tiny details. The buttons on his shirt had a silver swirl design that caught the light. His shirt was crisp and white with a design of two black flowers on either side, reaching from the end of the shirt to his shoulders.

“I have some work to do. Interviews and thank you letters. So, if you decide to come out be quiet.”

You had no plan to leave your spot, but you nod in understanding.

He doesn’t look or speak to you again as he leaves the room.

You felt as if you had died too. There was no life in you anymore.

You lay for hours in the same spot. Occasionally you could hear Coriolanus as he spoke.

The weight on your shoulder caused it to ache but you couldn’t make yourself move.

The only time you shifted during the hours was when the servants returned to serve you lunch. They took the dirty dishes but also the dirty laundry.

You lunch up to stop the women carrying out Edmund’s brown coat.

“Wait, please!” you grab the worn material off her, “Not this. Leave this.”

The two women look between each other, unsure.

“Mr. Snow said to take everything.”

You swing the jacket over you, positioning yourself in it.

“He didn’t mean this.” Edmund’s faint scent lingered on the fabric. He gave it to you to keep warm at night. You had come to associate it with the feeling of protection.

The young girl bows to you and the other follows suit. As they leave, you know it’s to tell Coriolanus.

You sit and wait for him on the bed.

Coriolanus storms in not moments later.

“The jacket,” he demanded.

“No, Coriolanus. Please let me keep it.”

He launches at you, tearing at the jacket trying to pull it off you. You fight against him, cementing your arms to yourself and trying to wriggle free.

He gets it half off your shoulders. But he grew too frustrated to finish the job. He pulls you up towards him by the collar of the jacket.

“Take the jacket off or I’ll tell them not to bother feeding your mother tonight.”

Edmund was right. Coriolanus was always going to use your family as a weapon.

But the needs of the living overtook those of the dead. You had to make sure they were as safe as you could make them.

He gets off you and you get up to give him the jacket.

As he takes the jacket with one hand, he smacks you with the other.

You make a startled sound but Coriolanus is gone before you finish it.

You return back to your spot and sob into your pillow.

With the jacket now gone, you had truly lost every piece of Edmund.

And with him, you have lost every piece of yourself. Only Coriolanus remained.

 ————

 Three hours after lunch, Coriolanus came to sit on your side of the bed next to you.

“I’ve brought you a cup of tea.”

“Thank you. I don’t want tea.”

Coriolanus’s face is tense as he places the cup on the table next to you.

“They tell me you didn’t have lunch either. Is that your plan? To starve yourself to death before we reach the Capitol?”

“I have no plan,” you admit.

 “Well I do. I have lots of plans, and you’re through with delaying them. So Sit up and drink your tea.” 

He reaches out to your neck to help you sit up. The tea is placed into your hands but it is him you stare at. 

“You look so different.” 

His hair was a soft white color as it grew out. His clothes were fashionable and colorful. Nothing of the District 12 Commander remained. 

He runs his fingers through his hair, combing it back. 

“I am still the same.” 

“I don’t think that’s true.”  You didn’t think it was possible but he was colder, held himself with somehow more confidence. This was the new leader of Panem. 

“What would you know? You never bothered to get to know me.” 

“I think I know you better than anyone else.” 

He showed you parts of himself you were sure he hid from others. The nightmares. The secret yearning to be taken care of. The heartbreak he carried from the loss of his mother. 

“Think, think, think. What have I told you about thinking? You’re no good at it. I’ll do it. Now drink your tea.” 

You take a sip of the scalding tea. It quenches some of your thirst. 

“Will I ever go back to District 12?” you ask. 

You weren’t really sure you would want to. 

“No.” 

“What’s going to happen to me once we reach the Capitol?”

He sighs, ‘‘That depends on you.” 

“Will it be like the compound?”

He laughs humorlessly, “Nothing is like the compound.” 

“I meant being locked indoors.”

“Will I let you roam free around the Capitol? No.” He doesn’t look at you as he speaks. His eyes move around the room, looking at the subtle details. 

“But if you are well-behaved, and do enough to earn it, I will show you all the Capitol has to offer.” 

His eyes move down, back to you. 

“You’ll grow to admire the Capitol. You won’t hate it forever.” 

You go to refute his statement. Nothing in the Capitol could fill the gaping hole left in you from being torn from your home and family. But a servant knocks on the door, taking Coriolanus’s attention. 

He commands them to come in but the small girl only steps upon the threshold and never through it. 

“Sir, you have a call.”

“I’ll be right there.” He answers back. 

She bows and doesn’t rise until the door is shut again.

“Duty calls,” you taunt. 

“Yes.” His eyes are back to being everywhere but on you, “I want that tea finished before I get back.”

As soon as he leaves, you get up and pour the tea down the bathroom sink. 

—----

The next morning was the same. You laid in bed for hours, unmoving. 

Only this morning they didn’t bother to bring you breakfast. You wondered if you would have eaten it, if it was offered, but your guilt still felt so heavy. 

Lunchtime came around and Coriolanus disrupted your wallowing. 

“Get up. We reach the Capitol soon.” He orders. 

He plucks a dress off the rack and lays it across the bed, just under your feet. 

It was a blush pink satin gown that tied in a low ribbon at the back. Matching heels that wrapped around your ankle were placed on the floor below. 

You sit up to touch the fabric of the dress, and Coriolanus sneaks behind you with a hair brush. 

He begins to untangle your hair but he pulls it too harshly. You could feel the tender spot on your head from where he had pulled it just two days before. 

“There will be cameras when we step off the train. Fashion is very important in the Capitol. You’ll have to get used to not wearing the same dress every day.” 

He pulls a knot too harshly and you let out a cry of pain. 

His hand moves yours from the spot and massages it gently. 

“That wouldn’t have happened if you had gotten up at some point.” 

He returns the brush to the carry bag and returns to you, holding out his hands. 

You take them and he pulls you up out of the bed.

His hands move to your nightdress and he pulls it off to place the pink satin gown over your head. He spins you around so he can tie it in the back. 

“Put on your shoes and meet me outside.” 

He places a kiss on the back of your shoulder before leaving you. 

The shoes are hard to walk in. While not overly tall, the heel itself was narrow. Trying to walk felt like a balancing act. You could only manage small steps. 

Coriolanus sat at the booth looking out of the window. 

The landscape had changed from long stretches of dry dirt to tall buildings. 

You sit down opposite him and gaze out the window at it all. 

It seemed unreal. 

Every building shined. The Panem flag was hung wherever possible. The sky seemed extra blue. 

You had never felt homesick but now you realize why Coriolanus was so eager to get back home. 

The scenery disappears as you enter a tunnel and stop at your destination. 

Your hand is tugged as Coriolanus heads to the exit with the servants and the bags just ahead of you.

You could hear a commotion as you got closer. Voices overlapped and snapping sounds of flashing cameras joined the noise. 

The lights were blinding as you exited the carriage. 

Coriolanus seemed in his element. He waved and smiled as he lead you through the sea of cameramen and reporters. 

They all shouted at him as they held microphones up to his face. But he didn’t stop to make a comment. 

More people surrounded the outside. Peacekeepers made a path to a sparkling black car with their bodies blocking the crowd. 

He was hailed a king here, and a tyrant back in District 12. All for the same thing. 

The scene was overwhelming. Not only were you in a foreign place without your family, but you felt yourself suffocating amongst the crowd. If one were to break through, the rest would follow ending in a catastrophe. 

You were a stranger, an enemy. You did not belong here. 

You wanted to turn back to the train but Coriolanus’s hold prohibited such action. 

Someone opens the car door for him and he lets you enter first. 

The silence that greets you helps to settle your nerves. With a final wave, Coriolanus joins you in the car, and it takes off from the crowd. 

He sighs and readjusts his jacket so it falls in front of him. 

Your hands shake so you keep them clamped together on your lap.

Coriolanus doesn’t speak to you as you peer out the window. 

You felt as if you had stepped onto another planet. 

The streets were colorful, both in design and people. Cars gilded next to you and in front of you. There were statues and water fountains on every corner. 

All gained from the hard labor of the Districts. 

Still, you couldn’t take your eyes off the passing scenery. You are hypnotized for the 20 minutes that the car drives. But it soon stops in front of a large brick building. 

“Do you live here?” Was this your new home? You wondered. 

“No one lives here,” he answers shortly. 

He exits the car, holding the door open for you. Following him out, you hear the voice of a man greet Coriolnaus. 

“Mr. Snow. Welcome.” 

The man was a little overweight in a suit that was finely tailored to him. He had bleached his eyebrows and mustache, and wore many pieces of jewelry.  

“Thank you for meeting with us.” Coriolanus shook the man’s hand but returns it to yours as soon as it ended. 

“Of course, Mr. Snow. We were happy to accommodate you. Please, follow me.” 

The man leads you both into the building and through the halls but only talks to Coriolanus about the history of the building. 

It was a beautiful building that housed artwork and portraits along the walls. 

You could tell Coriolanus didn’t care but remained civil. His fingers squeeze yours as he is ushered into a room. 

Like everything in the Capitol, it is unnecessarily large and grand. Gold candle holders, rows and rows of pews made of expensive wood, oil painted artwork of important men loomed down at you. 

“Just over this way, if you would please.” 

The man leads you to a table on a small front stage. There was only one chair in front of it which Coriolanus pulls out for you. 

The man passes Coriolanus a pen and tells him where to sign. 

He does so quickly and elegantly. 

“And now for you, Madam.” 

Coriolanus passes you the pen but only small writing covered the page and you were hesitant to sign it. 

“What is this?” You look up to the man, who rocked slightly side to side.

“It’s a marriage certificate.” Coriolanus answered for him.

“Marriage?”

Did marriage in the Capitol have the same meaning as marriage in the Districts? What did marriage in the Capitol truly entail and why was Coriolanus so eager to have you sign it?

“Yes. Marriage. Now sign the paper.” His hand curls around yours so you don’t drop the pen.

“Coriolanus-” Your words are cut short when his hand latches itself under your chin and yanks it up, keeping your hand directed at the paper. He forces your hand closer to the line.

“Sign the paper,” he commands. With his hand enclosed around yours, you sign your simple signature next to his cursive.

He releases you once you do.

“If you wanted a wedding then you shouldn’t have run off.” He spat at you. 

Your hands shake uncontrollably and your eyes water but no sympathy is given by either man. 

“You’ve robbed the Capitol of the wedding of the year, truly!” 

“I think the Capitol will survive.” You feel Coriolanus tug you up, and the man follows his lead out the door. 

“I am sure you are eager to get home and rest before election day.” the man spoke. His voice echoed through the large halls. 

“May I just say what an honor it was to marry you two today! You two kids will set a trend. I’ll have young lovers knocking my door down to elope.” 

You sob at his words. 

“Forgive her. The journey was long.” 

“Of course.” 

With only three more steps until the door, the conversation died. 

Coriolanus is quick in pace, and propelled you to move faster than you could in your heels. 

You could hardly see through the tears in your eyes, so you reach blindly until you feel the car underneath your fingers. 

“Thank you, sir.” He shakes hands with the man once again. 

“Anything for our future president.”

Coriolanus opens the door and guides you inside as he says goodbye to the man. 

He allows you to cry until the car pulls up outside of the apartment, at which he tells you to stop. 

He pulls a handkerchief out of breast pocket and wipes the tears from your face as they fall. 

From the outside you could hear the driver collecting the bags from the boot. 

“You need to stop crying. We are home now.” 

You take the handkerchief off him and dap your own tears. He longingly stares out the window. 

He almost bounces in his seat. Eager to get up the stairs and back home. 

Marriage is not the worst thing to have happened to you, nor the worst thing he could do.

It didn’t really mean anything, you told yourself. The Capitol probably wouldn’t even recognize a marriage between a Capitol citizen and District. 

You push his patience as far as it would go before you are able to collect yourself. 

“Ready?” he asks. 

You give a curt nod and he swings the door open. 

The driver passes the bags to a servant dressed in the same white dress as the ones on the train. They take them back into tall metal building. 

It reached the sky in height, and a whole community of District 12 in width. 

Coriolanus knew his way well. With all the wall ways, and feature spaces of the hotel, you were sure you would get lost escaping the building, yet alone the Capitol. 

An elevator you knew as you stood in front of it. They had them in large government buildings that you would sometimes ride as you delivered material from work. 

The elevator door opens and he hits the top floor. 

 As it goes up, you feel your stomach drop. Once you reached the top floor, would you ever go down again? Was your life now confined within this building?

It reaches the penthouse too fast. Your feet refuse to move as the door opens. 

Coriolanus tries a gentle tug but as the doors try to close again, he motions turn into a pull. 

“We’re almost there.” He digs in his pocket for a key. 

His key ring that used to carry so many keys now only held three. 

The sound of an opening door is met with a loud pop of streamers. 

You flinch as the colorful tissues attack you.  

A high pitch scream precedes a weight being thrown at Coriolanus but he catches it easily and with great joy. 

You take the chance to jump back out of the way. 

“Hey,” he laughs.You watch the cousins embrace. You had once promised yourself that letters would be as close as you got to Tigris and now she stood in front of you. 

“Coryo! You’re finally home,” she captures his face in a loving embrace and he smiles back. 

A crooning sound overtakes the moment and an old women takes the spot of Tigris. 

“My boy. Future president of Panem.” 

He leans down and kisses her on the cheek. She turns her head for him to do so, coming eye to eye with you. 

She turns to you as Coriolanus releases her. 

“Don’t just stand there, child. Come forward, let me take a look at you.”

 Grandma’am eyes you, causing you to curl further into yourself. 

Coriolanus clears his throat and places his hand on your lower back to move you forward. 

“May I introduce Mrs. Snow.”

“Mrs. Snow! Oh Coryo!” Tigris gasps, “How could you?” 

“We had too. The media would never have left us alone if they knew. But-” he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small jewelry box, “We saved the most important part for you: the rings.”

He takes a ring out of the box. Your hand shakes but he holds it steady as he slides the ring on. 

Fifty small rectangular diamonds cover a gold band. It was shiny and heavy on your finger. 

Tigris gasps upon seeing it but you have no reaction. 

He then passes you a gold band and holds his hand out to you. 

You push the ring on his finger quickly. 

It was enough for Tigris who claps and jumps. 

She wraps her arms around your neck while her grandmother lifts your hand up to inspect the ring. 

As they give you space, Coriolanus takes it, bringing you back into his arms. 

“I want to hear everything!” Tigris says.

She walks to the living room table and takes a bottle of champagne out of a bucket of ice.

It could have been the lack of food and water over the past three days. It could have been the pure overwhelming feeling of it all. But as the cork of the champagne is opened, your knees give way and you collapse unconscious. 

Coriolanus manages to catch you and you feel his hard arm under your head. 

You hear him call out to you before the darkness fades your vision. 

—----------

You wake at midnight in a fright. 

You knew you were in a bed but everything was pitch black. 

Was everything a dream? Was Edmund alive and just below you?

The answer was no. Coriolanus woke with your fast movements and worked quickly to pull you into his arms. 

“Hey, you’re alright. You’re alright.” 

You struggle against him in a panic. 

“You’re alright. You’re safe,” he consoles. 

“No, no, I’m not.” You feel his face under your fingertips and push against him. 

He retaliates by capturing both your wrists in his hand, pulling them down. 

“Stop it. Calm down now. You’re alright.” 

His weight tugs on your wrists as he leans back to flick on the bedside lamp. It cast a yellow light in which you could see him clearly. 

He had gone to sleep in only his underwear again. His old Commander ways were still clawing on. 

You register that you had been re-dressed into cotton pants and a large top.

“Please, Coriolanus. Let me go. I haven’t done anything,” you cry. 

He pulled you closer by your wrists so your body was leaning against his. 

"Please, I am sorry,” your tears soak his bare chest but he doesn’t move, “I am so sorry.”

He moves his arms around you so you were cradled but it did nothing to help soothe you. 

“No, no, please,” you struggle but his hold was tight. “I never did anything wrong.” 

You tried so hard to be good. Now you were being punished for it. 

“I know. I know that,” he insisted, bringing you closer. 

“It’s okay. Just go back to sleep.” 

You can’t. The image of Edmund swinging in the wind haunted you. 

“Oh Edmund,” you cried. It wasn’t his fault. He was only trying to protect you. 

Coriolanus made no comment given your state. 

“It’s alright. Everything is alright,” he repeats. He hums softly, a song that his mother used to sing when he was a child. He was surprised he still remembered it, or most of it at least. 

He used to hum it during his school years when academic pressure hindered his sleep. 

It rose his anxiety levels just from the association with those years, but it worked to settle you so he continued. 

Your mother used to hum you to sleep as well. When you had bad dreams, she would sit on your bed and run her fingers through your hair as she hummed. 

It was easier to pretend that you were only a child back in your bed with your mother next to you, protecting you from all the horrors of the world. 

—--------------

 The next morning you woke as Coriolanus finished dressing for the day. 

Your movement gains his attention, he finishes putting on his coat and comes to sit next to you on the bed. 

“Hey, how’d you sleep?”. 

He runs a warm hand over your face. You sit up to brush him off. 

“I’ve told Tigris and grandma’am to leave you alone today so you can rest.”

Your stomach drops at the thought of being isolated again. You couldn’t be left alone with your thoughts today. 

Already it’s racing with guilt. 

You latch onto his arm. 

“No. Coriolanus please, don’t lock me in here.” 

He looks to weigh up his options before deciding.  

“I won’t. But you need to show me that you can behave. I won’t have you upsetting Tigris or Grandma’am.

“I won’t,” you promise. 

“They don’t need to know the full extent of us. Only that we are happy to be here together.”

“Ok, Coriolanus.” 

You shove the thick blanket off and swing your body off the bed. 

You follow Coriolanus to the kitchen table where Tigre’s and grandma’am sat eating breakfast. 

Tigre’s rises as you enter into the room. She keeps her distance so not to overwhelm you. 

“Y/N, how are you feeling?” She asks. 

“Much better now. Thank you. I am sorry if I offended you yesterday. I wasn't feeling well.” 

“No! Of course not.” Tigris exclaims, “God, you’ve been through so much. I couldn’t even imagine how you are feeling right now.”

Your eyes flick to her. Coriolanus had made it seem like her and Grandma’am knew nothing of the truth, but could she know at least part of it?

“You must have been so frightened when those rebels took you to the mountains,” Grandma’am commented between a scone. 

Your eyes shoot at Coriolanus, who was already looking at you, silently telling you to be quiet.  

A twisted truth is as good as the truth itself in his books. 

“Yes, I was. Everyday. But I knew Coriolanus was coming.”

“Our Coriolanus isn’t scared of coward rebels!” Grandma’am exclaims. 

Coriolanus was quick to change the subject at the first sound of silence, “Tigris, she hasn’t had breakfast yet.

The breakfast table is near silent as everyone ate. 

It was a relief when Coriolanus kissed you goodbye. The company of Tigres was much easier to keep. 

—-----‘

Coriolanus was busy now that he was home. Interviews and meetings took most of his time now that the elections were coming up. 

You saw little of Grandma’am, but Tigris almost always was in the apartment. 

She tried to be kind to you. She often went out of her way to check on you. But you avoided her. Staying in the room you were placed in. If you said the wrong thing to her, it was sure to make its way back to Coriolanus, and your family was to pay for it. 

Your days before Coriolanus returned home were filled by looking out the window, or preparing an item of clothing for Coriolanus. He always wanted to have at least one thing on that you had some part in preparing. 

He tore off his buttons so you could sew them back on, you shined brand new shoes that didn’t need it, ironed shirts that had already been ironed for him. 

You didn’t argue when he asked you to do it. 

If you performed an action in the way he wanted, he would give you updates on your family. 

From what you gathered, they were fed and allowed an hour outside together. 

 The day of the election came fast. 

It felt as if it happened overnight, but it had been three days since your arrival in the Capitol. 

The election was called at eight o'clock which meant the entire day was filled with buzz.  People came in and out all day. Coriolanus spent the entire day on the phone, or in between breaks talking to the people in the room.

You sat in his chair as he worked standing. You watched the people as they came in and out. They looked different from people back home. 

They all had something unusual about them. Funny color hair, a piercing that stuck out of their face. One thing they all had in common was their high quality clothing. Nothing like the sacks District clothes are made out of. 

Grandma’am and Tigris had gone out to prepare themselves for the election. It was nearly night but they had been gone since the morning.

Coriolanus was in the middle of getting a haircut when two females came up to you and requested that you followed them. 

Coriolanus told you to do so from where he sat. You didn’t ask why as you followed them to the bedroom. 

With the door shut, they tell you to shower and come back so they can dress you for the election. 

The news causes you to tense. You were not ready to face the Capitol. 

But with no choice, you take a shower and return for them to do their work. 

They only talk to each other as they work. 

They dress you in a white strapless gown that split up the side to show more white sparkly tulle, and white heels that were shorter and easier to walk in than the pink heels that you had at the train station. 

They gossip about elite members of the Capital. Who was cheating on who. Who wore what. 

One burns you with a hot iron as she curls your hair because she leans forward to laugh. No apology is given as she continues to talk. She pins small white roses throughout your hair. The pins scrape your head as they enter your hair but you make no complaint. 

You were grateful when they finished dressing you. As soon as they begin to pack up, you exit the room without a goodbye.

You run into Coriolanus, still with his team in the living room. He stood in front of a tall mirror as you had taken the main bedroom. 

He matched you in white. Admittedly, he looked gorgeous in a double-breasted suit with his white shirt peeking out from it. The first few first buttons were undone and a silver chain with your ring hung around his neck. 

He was fixing a white rose to his chest pocket when his eyes caught you in the mirror behind him. 

“We are finished here,” he tells the room, who pack up immediately. 

He looked nervous, and you supposed he should be. All his life had been leading up to this moment. 

He talks low to you so the others don’t hear as they leave, almost whispering in your ear. 

“Just a few more hours and you’ll be looking at the President of Panam.” 

Your hands shook, and you flexed them to try and shake the nerves out. 

Coriolanus, always hyper-aware, noticed, capturing your hands and bringing them up to his face to kiss. 

“Shouldn’t I be the one shaking?” he jokes. 

“I don’t want to go. You don’t need me there.” 

“I do need you there.” He releases you, annoyed at your resistance. 

You sit down on the couch as the people make their way to the door. 

“Do I need to remind you that your performance tonight is crucial to your family's survival?” 

“No,” you say softly, “That’s never left my mind.” 

He crouches down in front of you, resting his hands on your waist. 

 “Good. Now people know you are District, but you’re not to mention it. If anyone mentions it to you, you tell me straight away.” He flicks your chin up so you are looking at him and not at your lap. “Hey, straight away.”

You nod your head in understanding. You had no plan to talk freely with any of the Capitol brood anyway.

“As first lady of Panem, you’ll be required to attend performances like these from time to time. I need to know I can trust you not to embarrass me when you do.”

You nod your head once again, “You can.” 

You remember Ravenstill’s wife. All she did was smile and sit pretty. You could do the same, regardless of the pain you felt. 

He raises himself slightly to press his lips against yours before rising entirely. 

“The car is waiting down stairs.” You rise with him and he takes your hand in his through the walk. 

The car ride is silent. Coriolanus began to practice his speech again as you stared out the window. 

The Capitol seems quieter than usual. No car buzzed around as you drove. One or two passed but they seemed to be in their own rush. Not a person roamed the street.

All of the Capitol held their breath as they waited for their new President. 

The car stops in front of a huge fountain surrounded by a large field. It was out of place amongst the sky scrapers. It was filled with people, all wearing peculiar colorful clothing. Nearly all of them wore a white rose upon their chest.

They surrounded a large stage lit up with bright lights.

Rows of chairs were lined across the back of the stage.  People hovered around them, all wearing white like you. They greet Coriolanus as he walks through. Some of them even greet you, but you hate them all the same.

You see his grandmother and cousin sitting directly behind the podium. He seems to be trying to make a beeline to them, but people keep interrupting them.

He keeps his temper, politely dismissing them as he wades through the crowd. 

His grandmother jumps up to kiss him. He uses his spare hand to bring her in close.

“President Snow, we salute you,” she says sincerely.

“I’ve not won anything yet, Grandma’am,” but his smirk told that he knew he was about to.

Grandma’am wore a hat of white roses but a simple white dress suit and pearls.

Tigris rose as well to hug her cousin now her grandmother was out of the way. Her strapless white dress hugged her curves right down to her ankles where the dress dissolved into white tulle. You could see the outline of white roses on her dress too. Her makeup was centered around the pale pink eyeshadow that was blown out towards her temple.

Finishing with Coriolanus, Tigris turns and hugs you, but you couldn’t manage it back.

Coriolanus leans down to whisper in your ear, “All you have to do is sit down next to Tigris and smile. Can you do that?”

Your families life depended on it, so you smile back at him to show that you could.

The Panem national anthem began to play bringing a hush over the audience as they all go back to stand in front of their seat and sing.

Coriolanus stood next to you, still holding your hand as he sung. The camera flashed in your face and you decide it was better to sing along.

The song finishes and the large screen behind you switches to a man with a microphone on one side and another man in a field similar to Coriolanus. You assumed the latter was his political opponent.

It was the cue for the people on stage to take a seat. You take yours next to Tigris and Coriolanus walks up to the podium.

Smaller screens are prompted up along the front of the stage so that no one on the stage was facing backwards.

You watch as the man with the microphone gives his introduction, introducing himself as Lucky Flickerman before the screen flashes to Coriolanus, and then cuts to Augustus.

You eye the open field. The guards were all focused to the front. There were a few people off the side but they looked mostly like stylists and operation managers. They would hardly put up a fight for you.

You could make it. At least on to the street. But how would you make it back home? How would you free your family? How could you live with yourself in District 12 without Edmund?

Tigress reaches out and entangles your hand with her in comfort. It brings you back to the election.

Lucky performs a few magic tricks as the final votes are counted.

“Now for the moment we have all been waiting for.'' An assistant runs up and places an envelope into Lucky’s hand.

“The results are in people! Who has Panem chosen to be our new leader? The savvy businessman or the fearless Commander? Let’s find out!”

Not a word was spoken as the man opened the envelope. It must have been the result he wanted, for he broke out into a grin and began to shake his head.

“Just as I predicted. Ladies and gentleman, the new President of Panem: Coriolanus Snow!”

The crowd erupts in cheering around you. Loud popping sounds precedes colorful confetti dropping from mounted cannons. Tigris lets go of your hand to clutch Coriolanus.

She sprang up from her seat and captured his head between her arms. His grandmother is next up to crowd him. He brushed off people quickly, he had a speech to make.

You wonder if you should get up but there were already too many people around him. You would only be in the way.

He makes his way to you, bending down to place a kiss on your cheek before turning back to shake hands with those around him.

The win came as no surprise to him but he wore a large smile, and seemed almost giddy at the news.

He turns back to the podium and people quieten as he gives his speech. You heard him mutter it a million times. You could almost recite it for him.

“Today is a new day for Panem,” it began.

You eye your freedom just down the stairs but remain seated and smiling.

You’re not sure how long Coriolanus spoke for, but the applause and cheering told you he had stopped.

Before you knew it he was standing in front of you with an outstretched hand. You take it and he stops to kiss his family, giving them instructions as to where they should now go before he leads you down the steps and into the crowd.

You shrink back as they gather around him. His grasp hurt. Your bones in your hand felt as if they were about to pop out of place. But it was too easy to get lost in the crowd, so he wouldn’t loosen it.

Too many voices overlapped to hear any single one. A few pats on your shoulder was all the attention you received while Coriolanus was drowning in a sea of people.

You couldn’t make out his words over the people and the music. You let yourself be overtaken with the senses.

You smiled and nodded at people as you passed them. It was Coriolanus’ big night, you couldn’t even fathom the punishment if you were to make a mistake tonight.

You stay close to him, just over his shoulder.

He looks back to check on you one or two times but never opens his mouth.

Confetti had been hidden in his curls. You focused on counting the pieces.

The whirl-pool of people seemed to never end. As soon as one person faded another took their place.

It must have been half an hour before Coriolanus made the small distance to the apartment block.

It was 30 stories with a roof top bar that was pumping with lights and music.

The rest of the people would mingle down below with food and drinks. Huddling around the colorful glass standing tables.

You reach the entrance, guarded by two peacekeepers, and Coriolanus leads you in front of him as he presses the button for the elevator.

It was quick to come and Coriolanus pushed your hips to make you move inside.

He lets go of you as you enter and gives a wave to his fans as the door closes.

The elevator is dead quiet. Only the faint sound of pumping music could be heard.

You think he is too wrapped up in his victory to pay you any mind now you were out of sight of the public.

You were relieved almost to be out from under his attention. But he moves quick to push you up against the wall and smash his lips onto yours.

His hands steady your face as he assaults your lips.

He leaves you out of breath and grins at you widely for it.

The door dings open, and he pulls back from you. Only taking a loose grip of your hand.

Another cheer for the President was heard over the music as he steps out.

You look around the room at all the people in white. Supporters of a maniac.

Tigris and Grandma’am were offered a lounge chair as they ate and drank.

“Look,” he spoke to you, taking a green drink off a tray offered to him, “The apple pie drink you wanted. I requested it especially for you.”

He passed you the drink as a man approached him.

You managed to get a “thank you” out before the stranger began to talk.

Coriolanus paid you no more mind the rest of the night. He spoke and joked freely with the party goers while stringing you along behind him.

A few spoke to you about mundane things but Coriolanus was quick to end any longer talk then a few seconds.

The drink did taste like apple pie. A low rate apple pie. You could bake one much better. But for a drink it was fine. You ended up drinking three before Coriolanus snatched the fourth and placed it on a nearby table.

Tigres caught your eye a couple of times. You knew she was making sure you were alright. She was kind, and so ‘un-Capitol’.

Grandma’am was more true to her up-bringing. She insisted on teaching you the ways of the Capitol, and training you out of your ‘District ways’.

“It'll be our secret,” she told you over breakfast this morning, “I’ll defend you against the District rumors.”

In a way you supposed it was sweet of her. Although her intentions could very well be for Coriolanus' benefit rather than yours.

The later it got, the quieter it got.

People began disappearing. Others passed out on sofas and lounges.

Coriolanus' energy never seemed to drain, but Tigris’ and Grandma’am’s did.

Tigris had come over and interrupted Coriolanus' conversation. She offered to take you home with her and Grandma’am but Coriolanus was resistant.

“She’s fine, Tigris. I’ll bring her home with me.”

If you had been on equal standing with Coriolanus, you would have protested and just left but you were mud under his shoe, so you smiled at Tigris and told her you would see her in the morning.

Tigris kissed both of you goodbye. You hold on to her for too long. You could tell from the way Coriolanus squeezed your hand.

The party continued long after she had gone.

Your legs hurt from standing in the heels and your dress was too tight to have eaten all you did over the course of the night.

Coriolanus could sense that you were nearing the end of what you could take, so he began his final lap of victory around the room.

You were beyond grateful when he ushered you into the car.

You sighed as you sunk down into the plush leather seats, taking off your heels instantly.

“Thank you for tonight,” he said as the car entered the main road which had returned to its normal state of business even late at night, “You were very well behaved.”

“Congratulations on your win,” you return.

“Snow always lands on top,” he talks softly as he gazes out to the city.

The car rolls through the city smoothly. Coriolanus watches it pass from the window.

You feel half-asleep resting your head back on the seat.

You feel him move you down to a lying position and your eyes shoot wide open. His fingers brush your skin as he slides the skirt of your dress up.

“What are you doing?” You catch his hands and he lowers his head.

He hushes you as he slides your panties off your hips, “All the drivers talk.”

Trapped in a car in a city that kills your people for entertainment, you lay back and don’t make a sound.

You clutch the back of the seat in a tight hold as Coriolanus begins.

Edmund was barely cold in the ground and here you were, being eaten out by the man who killed him.

You try not to focus on it as Coriolanus' lips and tongue work. It pulls a moan from you and Coriolanus hits your thigh.

You press your tongue between your teeth to avoid making noise. A hand makes its way into Coriolanus’ curls and tugging on them gives you a sense of satisfaction.

It encourages him however and his movements become more targeted and passionate.

The car pulls to the curb in front of his house by the time you had made a mess in the backseat.

You lay back with your legs spread as you come down from your high.

A chill shoots through you as the door is opened by the driver but Coriolanus pulls it closed before he could see the scene.

You get up despite not being ready too. Coriolanus grabs your shoes and pockets your panties, taking your hand when its free.

You both emerge from the car as if nothing had happened.

It was late and cold. You thank the driver as you pass him.

The building was huge. Nearly all the floor was covered in titles and your feet made a sound against them.

You try to slow your walk to quite the sound, but Coriolanus was eager to get up to the apartment.

He storms across the lobby, and courtyard before reaching the steps that lead to the elevator.

He presses the button too many times. It doesn’t make it come any faster.

The house is dark and silent as you enter. The women went to bed hours ago, and you were hopping to follow suit.

Coriolanus leads you to his bedroom which is large and not yet decorated.

You pull free from him as you enter. Immediately you tear all the pins and roses from your hair.

You hear Coriolanus drop your shoes.

He clears his throat to gain your attention.

“Your brother and mother have been freed from the compound.”

Your fingers freeze in your hair. It felt as if he had lifted a great weight off your chest. You turn to him in gratitude.

“Thank you, Coriolanus.”

He smiles down at you before stooping down to your height and placing a firm kiss to your lips.

You push back against his shoulders after the kiss continues past a normal amount of time.

He pushes back, bracing you against the bed with him on top of you.

His lips turn to your neck as he unzips the back of your dress.

“Coriolanus, please don’t,” you beg.

He slides the dress’s straps off your shoulder as he responds, “Please, just give this to me. Don’t make me take it.’’

The dress is taken off you, and Coriolanus strips it off with kisses.

Only when a kiss is placed on your hip do you begin to struggle.

This man had tormented you for months. Starved you. Robbed you. Killed the man you loved. You would give him nothing freely.

You kick and push him away, but he is stronger.

“Hey. Hey, it’s okay.” He pulls you upward by your wrists to the pillows.

“No! Get off of me!”

“Y/N, please. Please,” he pleads.

You continue to fight but he persists.

 “Please, don’t make me do this.”

“No. No. Edmund! Mum!”

“Shut up,” it was less of a command and more of a plea, “Please, shut up.” 

You do. What would your resistance gain you? A few more seconds until the inevitable. 

His grip loosens as you are still beneath him. 

With only a weak hold of your wrists, he pulls off his clothes. You can hear the movement but can’t force your eyes to open. 

Tears leak down your cheeks but you refrain from making a sound. 

“It’s alright. I’ll take care of you.” 

He lines himself up and pushes in with ease. The pain was subsided due to your wetness from the car ride but the first slow thrusts felt slightly painful and uncomfortable. 

You whine slightly as you adjust to the intrusion. You fight to release your wrists from his hold, you wanted to push back on his shoulders, feeling as if he was too deep. 

“It’ll only hurt for a little bit,” he promised, continuing his slow movements. 

He kisses you as you let out another whine. 

Soon the pain did stop, and an enjoyable sensation began to form. 

Coriolanus tried his best to remain slow, but as he got lost in his own lust, he forgot about your pain. 

It felt as if he was bruising you. But his mouth never left yours so you couldn’t voice a complaint.

Your hips jerk away from him, trying to ease the pressure but his spare hand stills your hip, making you take the full brunt of what he wanted to give you. 

He pulls his head back from yours and groans.

“Ah,” he grunts. 

“Coriolanus-” you had wanted to ask him to slow down but you feel yourself tightening around him as you come. 

His hand moves from your wrists and intertwines with your hand. He presses his weight down as he picks up his pace to chase his own high. 

“Wait, wait!” you were through. Every second after was too much. 

“It’s okay. You’re okay,” he grunts. 

You groan from the pressure as he continues. 

“Almost there, darling.” 

His last few thrusts are hard but the pressure turns into a warm pool between your legs. 

Coriolanus is still as he rests his forehead upon your shoulder. You don’t move either, unsure of what to do. 

A few moments later and he raises his head, repositioning himself so his arms cage around your head. 

 He drags a finger down the bridge of your nose and it runs off your cheek like a tear. 

“Welcome to the Capitol, Mrs. Snow.

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[josiesullysblog]

Please don’t Say You Love Me

~Aged up Neteyam x female reader

~angst, slow burn, eventually smut, toxic relationship???

~proofread?- yes

~Summary-As children, Neteyam and [Y/n] were the closest friends until they weren't

~Miss me😝?

Your mother and father weren't around. It was always you and your older sister, but it didn't bother you because your sister was everything you needed. Your parents were drunks who would leave for months at a time, which nobody ever noticed.

Your sister was busy most of the time trying to cover for your parents leaving you alone, but that's when you met Neteyam. “Hi!” you turned around to see a toothless smile from the boy. You stood up and looked at him, “Hi,” he giggled before trying to grab your tail, “i’m Neteyam, wannabe friends?”

You stopped the boy who was chasing your tail, “Sure, but i’m in charge!” he nodded, and from then you two have been nothing but best friends. You spent your days with him, doing whatever till your sister came and got you. “[Y/n], mom’s home!” your sister smiled ear to ear. “Coming!” you hugged Neteyam, “I’ll see you tomorrow!”

You walked hand in hand with your sister till you saw them, “Daddy!” you ran into his arms, “Wow look how big you’ve gotten!” you hugged your mother next, “I can do a lot now that I’m taller!” you beamed at them, “are you guys going to stay this time?” your sister wasted no time in asking.

“Yeah about that, we just wanted to grab a few things before we headed out,” your sister’s smile fell, “what,” you noticed the tension, “it's okay, you’ve been taking great care of [Y/n] and it's like nobody even noticed we were gone!”

Your mother patted your head while getting closer to your sister, “i’m twelve, Mom I can't take care of a five-year-old,” your father sighed, “Yes you can,” you felt tears in your eyes, “I can barely do the jobs your suppose to do what makes you think I'm capable of handling a child?”

“You're leaving again?” your father picked you up, “it won't be for long we just wanna travel, see the world,” he looked at your sister, “you get that right?” she started crying, “We didn't ask to be born, the world is always gonna be there, we should be the priority!”

“Don’t you talk to your father that way,” your father put you down, “maybe when you're older you’ll understand,” he grabbed his bag and your mother followed him, “No, when i’m older I'll be a decent person and not have children I don't want.” as if they didn't hear they still left.

“Why don't they want us?” you walked to your sister, “I don't know, but you it doesn't matter.” she hugged you, “We have each other and that's all we need.” you smiled into the hug, “I love you, sissy,” a tear fell from her eyes, “I love you.”

Your sister was your everything, if you didn't know what to do you went to her. Neteyam always asked questions like “Where's your mommy?” To which you always said, “She's right there!” it always confused him because how could someone so short be a mother? “That's not your mommy,” you frowned, “does your mommy cook for you?” he nodded, “does she play with you?” he nodded again, “So does mine which makes her a mommy.” you smiled big before getting up, “My mommy is just a little younger but she's mine so I don't mind.”

Most people noticed the absence of your parents and tried to help, your sister always knew if help was needed she could get it, especially from Neteyam’s family.

The older you got, the more closer you guys became and it was like nothing could ever separate you from him. You were now 12, you hadn't seen your parents in years but it wasn't like you were missing them. Neteyam started becoming busier and you didn't mind it in the beginning, but he started changing. Any time you wanted to hang out it was like he didn't want to be seen with you. “Teyem,” you waved at the boy.

He rolled his eyes, “hey, [Y/n],” he said as he kept walking, “I wanted to know if you wanted to come over later and we could have a sleepover!” you smiled but it seemed like Neteyam didn't care, “I don't think I can,” you nodded, “maybe tomorrow?” he sighed, “[Y/n], don’t you think people might think something?” you shrugged, “think what?”

“That were together? We aren't kids anymore, it’s weird for us to hang out alone,” you frowned, “oh, I see,” you looked at him, “So, we can’t hang out anymore?” he groaned, “i’m trying to be nice [Y/n],” you stopped walking, “I get it.”

You turned and ran straight home, you had never cried as hard as you did that night. You weren't going to beg for someone’s attention if he didn't want to be your friend, fine by you.

You grew up, it took you a while to get over the loss of your friendship but you did. At least you forced yourself to. You became a beauty, something everyone wanted but you were more interested in healing. You spent most of your time learning and if you weren't you were getting lost in the forest. Always finding things to make bracelets for your sister. You were 22, your sister was 29, and mated. You liked him he was nice, but you knew your sister wanted you to find your own mate. You couldn't care less as you walked deep into the trees, you hadn't noticed the eyes that followed you.

Neteyam watched as you walked, he wanted to talk to you but fear stopped him. He knew you didn't want to talk, and he knew it was his fault. He had let other boys' words into his head. Making him believe you two couldn't be friends. You were his first crush and at the time he didn't want people knowing but now it was like a curse that plagued him.

You hummed as you walked, and Neteyam kept staring. He regretted everything he said to you the minute you turned away. He wanted to say sorry but he felt like it was too late. Ever since that day, you have been waiting for an explanation, you thought at least he owed you that, but it seemed like he couldn't even muster that.

“His loss,” is what you said but you still waited for him. As you kept looking at the flowers, you heard a tree branch break, “who's there?” you turned looking for something. Neteyam wanted to run but he decided last minute to try and mend things, “hey,” he said showing you a small smile.

You let your guard down before scoffing and turning, he hasn't said anything to you in years, and now he follows you into the woods? This man is trying the wrong one, “[Y/n], please I wanna explain!”

You kept walking, “Explain that you are nothing but a piece of shit who deserves nothing?” you faked a smile, and gasped, “Wait we already know that, so what is there to talk about?” he sighed, “I understand your anger, I really do but please let me apologize.”

“Please, what daddy figured out what you did and is forcing you to do this?” you stopped walking finally facing him. “Listen I don't want your sorry, I am not trying to fix things, I don't care for you, and I refuse to hear you out,” Neteyam’s ears fell back, “leave me alone, teyem.”

You turn to keep walking, but Neteyams grabs you, “You're the only person who still calls me that.” you look at him, “It was a mistake,” you go to take your arm back and step back but trip and fall into one of the flowers that surround you.

It releases a juice before you sit up and start coughing. Neteyam soon hit with the pheromones and started coughing himself, “I know you don’t want to hear me out, but for what it’s worth I am sorry.” you stood up before walking away, “whatever.”

This time he didn't follow you, but a fuzziness filled his chest. A calmness overtook him as he walked back, what the hell was that flower?

You rubbed your chest as you walked home, nobody was on your mind the way Neteyam was. You groaned annoyed why were you thinking of him, “[Y/n], good news Jake invited us over for a special dinner,” you groaned, “what?”

“Yeah, he said he had good news, maybe you and Neteyam could maybe rekindle,” you rubbed your eyes, getting hot thinking about Neteyam. “good,” is all your able to muster out, “really? Good I assumed you wouldn't want to go but I'm glad to hear you are!” you nodded as she spoke. You never told her how you and Neteyam fell out, you were to embarrassed, and didn't like thinking about it.

“Go get ready!” is all she says after pushing you towards your space, “wear something flattering,” you sighed as you rubbed your legs together, she knew something you didn't. You couldn't care less to think much about it though so you got ready and sat on the floor thinking about your day.

It dawns on you when you fell, you must've fallen on an aphrodisiac flower making you sigh. Tonight was going to be very interesting.

Meanwhile, Neteyam sat in utter silence his mind just waiting for you to appear. He couldn't wait to see you, he looked creepy staring at the opening and waiting for you to show. “Looking a little creepy there,” Lo’ak cracked a joke before sitting down himself, “huh,” was all he could say. His eyes were low and he spoke very calmly, “Bro you high?” Beteyam shook his head, “Dad kill me if he thought I did that shit,” Lo’ak laughed, “Well you sure as hell look like your high.”

“I’m not,” was all he could say as you and your sister finally walked in, “hello welcome!” Neytiri said as you both sat down. His eyes burned into your skull while everyone else spoke. You felt the slick between your thighs knowing he was watching you.

You scolded yourself as you adjusted yourself, “he isn't your friend, [Y/n],” you said to yourself as you felt Jake’s eyes, “I hear you are the best healer after Mo’at,” You nodded slowly, “I try,” is all you could say.

“Well if everything goes smoothly, Neteyam will have an amazing tsahik,” you blink hard then mutter some words, “Huh,” your sister hit your leg telling you to shut up, “you know we were hoping you and Neteyam could hopefully make the bond.” “Oh.”

Neteyam didn't tell his family you guys had fallen out, you nodded as everyone kept talking and the more you said down the more you started becoming uncomfortable and the more you wanted to fuck and hit Neteyam. The feeling started becoming too much, “I'm sorry can I use the bathroom,” was all you said before getting up.

Tears fell from your eyes as you walked, fuck Neteyam and the way he made you feel. The way you couldn't stop thinking about him, or the way you saw him come your way. “Neteyam, please,” was all you could say before you kissed him.

Your body connected to him perfectly, “why are you doing this to me,” was all you could say as you hugged him, “I hate you.”

“I know,” was all he said as he kissed you, “I don't deserve you,” you frowned before finally pushing off him, “You ruined my life and you didn't even tell your family.”

“I don't need you Neteyam, I have my sister that's all I need,” you felt tears fall from your eyes.

“but I still want you.”

***

Omgg hey guys!!! I know I've been inactive but I just kinda fell out of it but recently decided I wanted to write!! Let's hope I can keep up with it this time😍 thanks for reading!!!

[justanothersanjilover]

One Piece Modern Gym Au Wip (Part 12)

“What should I wear? A casual shirt…or something formal…or…”

“Zoro, honey,” Nami went over to cup his face so she’d finally get his attention - after he rambled on about clothes for the last twenty minutes. “I don't think he gives a fuck what you wear. Just wear what feels comfortable. You aren't going in a restaurant, you meet him at home.”

“I know…I…” Zoro grabbed Nami's wrist, seemingly holding onto them for dear life. “I can’t remember a time I was that nervous.”

“Well, I don't think you have to be.”

“But it’s Sanji!” Zoro closed his eyes.

“I know and that's why you don't have to be nervous! He sees you all sweaty and gross almost every single day! You don't have to impress him, dumbass!”

She squished his cheeks a bit before letting got and walking back to her desk. Zoro stood there like he didn't know what to do or say.

“Look, if you want I can come over to yours and help you pick an outfit and do your hair,” she offered. “Sounds good?”

Zoro nodded furiously and went in for a tight hug.

“Fuck,” he mumbled against her hair. “Thank you! Thank you!”

“Don’t mention it.” Laughing she patted his back.

~ a few days later ~

Nami stood in front of Zoro’s wardrobe and looked through his clothes. She searched for a specific shirt Sanji had said he liked and found it after a few moments. It was black pants with huge pockets on the side of the leg and a simple white shirt, short sleeves and three buttons in the front. It actually looked really good on him - made his muscles pop out by the way it stretched over his body. Nami smirked to herself as Zoro walked back into the room after changing.

“Sit down and let me do your hair.”

Zoro obeyed within a blink and Nami styled his hair with some quick moves and a bit of hair wax. She combed it back to give him that “mafia boss style” she always had loved to see on him.

“Sanji is going to love this!” Nami smiled as she watched Zoro taking a closer look of himself in the mirror.

“You think? I look like we both are going on a date,” Zoro mumbled, throwing a glance over his shoulder.

“Nope, if we would go on a date you’d wear that expensive as shit suit hanging in your wardrobe and catching dust!”

Zoro made a face like he was in physical pain by the sheer mention of the suit.

“You, my good Sir, look perfect for going to Sanji’s.”

Zoro took another deep breath and nodded. Then he gestured for the door and Nami walked out of his bedroom.

“Is it even a date? Or just two friends hanging out?” Nami wanted to know, looking Zoro up and down for a last time.

“I don't know…we didn't specify it.”

“Either way, you look good. So don't worry! And if it gets weird, just crack one of your stupid jokes.”

They both laughed, knowing how much Sanji hated Zoro’s stupid jokes and how much he actually loved them. He chuckled because if he’d laugh, he would spill his very, not well-kept secret.

The ride to Sanji’s place was calm in the beginning. Zoro drove Nami home so he had to make sure not to go fast with his motorcycle. She didn't like it when he sped through the streets. But once she was off and the spare helmet was placed back in the tail bag, Zoro practically flew through the streets. He loved the speed and the adrenaline pulsing through his body and it was a good way to calm his racing mind. He got his navigation on so he wouldn't get lost on the way but actually managed to take a wrong turn twice.

Finally standing in front of the house complex for wich Sanji texted him the location, he checked again if he was at the right place. He was. Zoro blinked up to the last floor as he pressed some buttons on his phone.

“You lost?”

“Nami…do you know where Sanji lives?”

“No? He send you the address! I swear to all that's good, Zoro! Don't tell me you actually got lost! I put the easiest route into the navigator!”

Zoro pulled the phone from his ear, snapped a pic, and sent it to Nami.

“Hold on, someone…holly fuck! That's...that…”

“Yeah, it’s just the most expensive house complex in the whole town!”

Zoro heard Nami starting to babble on about that Sanji must be rich and that she’ll lower his income. Knowing she soon would go over to planning how to get some of the money Sanji - supposedly - had, Zoro hung up and put his phone back in his pocket.

He walked over to see where Sanji lived but didn't find Black on the list of names by the door. Raising a eyebrow he did see just the number three on the last floor. Would fit Sanji even if he didn't know why he would put a number instead of his name.

He pushed the button beside the number and waited.

“Yeah?” Sanji’s voice came through the intercom.

“Didn’t know you're rich, Curly,” Zoro said simply.

“Just…shut up and come up, mosshead!”

Zoro heard a buzzing and pushed the door open. He walked in and went over to the elevator. The ride to the seventh floor was a short one. What was interesting was the fact that the elevator door opened not to a corridor, but to what seemed to be Sanji’s living room.

“Damn, Curly! Never thought you’d live in a penthouse!”

prev/next

First Part

[roxygen22]

Still Here (Chapter 10)

Summary: Picks up after your steamy confession that you love Timothée in return.

C/W: NSFW-ish beginning (minors DNI); parent with terminal illness

Catch up on previous chapters here.

Timothée trembled on top of you, barely able to support his weight on his elbows as he came down from the high of his climax.

"You do?" he asked, his tone revealing an air of disbelief.

"Yes. I've known with certainty since the day we went to the lake. I thought I had pushed those feelings aside a long time ago, but obviously the embers never died. I've just been too scared to say it, like that would somehow save me from heartbreak if you change your mind."

He rolled to your side and propped his head up on his hand so he could still look at you. "I haven't changed my mind in 12 years, [Y/N]." He traced your jawline lightly with his fingertips. "Believe me, I have tried many times over the years to convince myself otherwise. You're stuck with me."

"Promise?"

Timothée nodded, nuzzling his nose against your ear. "Can I hear you say it again?" he whispered.

"I love you, Timmy."

His lips crashed down onto yours in response. His free hand landed on your hip, his fingers making indentations in your flesh as he pulled your body to press up against his. This ebb and flow of passion continued throughout the night. When the two of you were finally spent, Timothée clung to you in his sleep as if he were afraid you would disappear.

You stirred when a ray of light from the window hit your face. Waking up next to Timothée after a night of lovemaking was something you had yet to experience. As teens, you were never afforded the opportunity. You took advantage of the chance to take in the features of his peaceful face. In many ways he looked just like he did all of those years ago. The same recognizable jawline, sharp nose, and mop of dark curly hair. But there were subtle differences that you found yourself falling in love with. Laugh lines. Crow's feet. A tiny scar next to his nose. You wondered what story was behind that and made a mental note to ask him later. You found yourself hoping that you would get to stare at this face for the rest of your life.

Your thoughts were interrupted as Timothée began to stir. His eyelids fluttered open, and he smiled as his eyes focused on you.

"Good morning, beautiful," he said, his voice still thick and gravelly with sleep. He pulled you in for a quick kiss.

"Morning." You smiled and sighed.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

You gently shrugged. "I wish I could give you back all the years I wasted."

"Everything happens for a reason, love. The past is the past. What we can do, though, is have fun making up for lost time." He gave you a suggestive look and squeezed your thigh. He acted like he was about to lean in for another kiss, but stopped just short of your lips. "But first, breakfast."

You took in the view as Timothée threw off the blanket and walked naked to the kitchen. You wouldn't mind seeing that for the rest of your life, either.

<><><><><>

After enjoying breakfast in bed, the two of you got dressed and Timothée drove you back to your parents' house. Needing to get back to check on his dad and work in his shop, he dropped you off in front of the house.

Before you got out, he asked, "Hey, why don't you and Madison come over for dinner this evening? Dad would love to see you again and meet Madison. And it would mean a lot to me."

You paused to think through your calendar. "Sure, we can do that. Text me later about the time and what I can bring." You kissed him on the cheek and hopped out of the truck.

Madison was sitting on the couch in the living room when you walked inside. She crossed her arms and glared at you. "Where have you been?"

You found the juxtaposed roles amusing, but tried your best not to show it. "We watched a movie at Timothée's house and fell asleep." Not exactly a lie, but she didn't need the full truth, either. Madison narrowed her eyes at you, but she was satisfied enough with the answer to return to her book.

Your mother watched the entire exchange and covered her mouth to stifle a laugh. You walked past her to the kitchen with a knowing smile on your face. She followed you and asked, "Sooooo, how was your night?"

"Well, like I said, we watched a movie at his place and fell asleep." You laughed nervously and blushed.

"Mm-hmm. I wasn't born yesterday, child."

"It was....good. Really, really good."

She smiled. "Good. You needed to get some."

You scoffed. "Mom!"

"What?! Like I said, I wasn't born yesterday. I called it as soon as he said y'all were going to his place instead of out for dinner." She grinned.

"ANYWAY. Timothée invited Madison and me over to his dad's house for dinner tonight," you interjected, trying to change the subject.

"Must be getting pretty serious if he's bringing y'all home to meet the family," she quipped.

"It's not like I've never met Mr. Chalamet before," you replied insolently.

"Perhaps. But Madison hasn't."

You opened your mouth to rebut, but quickly shut your jaw with a click. She was right, though the realization did not come as a shock. "You're stuck with me" resonated in your head. Timothée was all in at this point. You ducked your head and smiled.

<><><><><>

You returned to the Chalamet's property later that evening with a bottle of wine in hand and daughter close behind you. Timothée met you at your car to give you a chaste kiss and Madison a hug. "Come on inside," he said as he guided the two of you up to the porch.

Mr. Chalamet was waiting at the front door with open arms. "[Y/N]! So good to see you again," he exclaimed as he closed the hug. "And who is this?" He looked at the girl who had half-hidden herself behind Timothée's leg.

You stepped back from the hug and waved her over. "Madison, come meet Mr. Chalamet." You heard him gasp slightly as your daughter revealed herself.

"She looks just like you did as a girl."

"That's exactly what I said the first time I saw her, too," Timothée agreed, setting a hand on Madison's shoulder in reassurance.

She looked up at you in disbelief. "Is there anyone in this town who didn't know you as a kid?" All of you laughed.

Unable to stand for long, Mr. Chalamet returned to his armchair in the living room. You accompanied him and caught him up on the highlights of your time in California while Timothée stepped away to put the finishing touches on dinner. Once Madison helped him set the table and bring out the food, the four of you took your places. Soon you were all reminiscing and laughing at the stories Mr. Chalamet told of Timothée as a boy. You could tell, though, that he was getting tired by the time dessert was served. You and Madison cleared the table while Timothée helped him back to his armchair, then joined them in the living room.

You knelt down in front of him and held his hand. "This has been lovely, Mr. Chalamet. Thank you for having us over."

"Oh, sweet girl. I'm so glad you are back." He nodded past you at Madison, who now stood by Timothée. "You've done a good job with her, my dear. Timothée talks about her all the time."

"Oh, she makes it easy." He gave you a soft smile.

"Will we be seeing more of the two of you, [Y/N]?

You looked at Timothée and smiled before looking back at his dad. "I hope so." You sandwiched Mr. Chalamet's hand between yours and squeezed before standing to leave. Madison shyly waved at him and followed you out the door. Timothée walked the two of you to your car and opened the door for Madison. Before he opened yours, he leaned down to give you a kiss.

"Thank you for this," he said quietly.

"He...seemed to be in good spirits."

"Today was a good day. Those seem to be happening less frequently. He rallied because he wanted to see you two."

You reached up and cupped his cheek. "I see now why you said this would mean a lot to you. I didn't realize he was so..." You were at a loss for words.

"Sick? Yeah. I know it may have seemed a bit premature for this, but I wanted to have, uh..." He looked up at the sky and cleared his throat to will the tears away.

"A family dinner?" you guessed.

Timothée looked down at you and nodded. "I know this is fast and you wanted to take things slowly, but there may not be time and I didn't want to lose the chance to be surrounded by the most important people in my life, those still with us at least. I can't explain just how badly I wanted my dad to meet Madison, especially. I know she's not mine, but I...I love her so much already."

"I know." You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him to you. He rested his head in the crook of your neck and cried.

<><><><><>

Chapter 11

Masterlist

Tag List: @croatianprincess, @bluizh, @jindongdongie, @groovyqueer

[whumpbug]

whumperless whump event day 12: it's going down (i'm yelling timber) @whumperless-whump-event

building collapse / trapped under rubble / “i can't move my legs.”

see this post for character information!

caretaker: Cassidy

whumpee: Gene

THIS FIC IS NOT CANON! I REPEAT, THIS FIC IS NOT CANON! i just wanted to try my hand at something very whumpy and angsty but for all intents and purposes, this is simply a dream cassidy had or something like that. GENE IS ALIVE AND WELL.

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

There was a fire in the schoolhouse. And it was spreading.

At the rate it was going, it'd reach just about all the buildings on the west side of town. One of those buildings happened to be the town jail.

Gene gritted his teeth and let his gaze flicker to the cell. Of course, there just had to be a certain outlaw locked up at the most inconvinient time.

Good ‘ol Silver.

As soon as Gene heard the crackling and screaming coming from outside, he knew he had to make a decision quick. If he left Silver in the cell, he would surely burn to death. 

On the other hand, releasing him could prove more dangerous if he decided to use the chaos as a distraction for his gang to come in and pick the place clean.

In the end, it was an easy decision.

Gene tossed his key ring to Silver, who blinked at him owlishly.

“You’re.. settin’ me free?”

“Yes. Now don’t just sit there lookin’ stupid, run,” Gene growled, stripping of his coat.

"Well, whatta 'bout you?" Cassidy's voice was small.

"Get outta here 'fore I change my mind."

He had more urgent matters to attend to.

He dashed over to the schoolhouse, where a frenzy of crying children crowded around their teacher, Miss Lowry. She looked positively panicked, looking around erratically. Her eyes finally landed on Gene and she all but collapsed at his feet in relief.

“Oh thank goodness you’re here! It’s Annie, she’s still trapped up there in the building! She was in the hall when it started-- oh lord mister, please help her!” She cried, clutching at Gene’s vest.

Gene steeled his resolve and nodded. "I'll get her, miss. Don't you worry."

He didn't look back as he headed straight for the flames.

The first thing he noticed when he entered the rickety doorway was how hard it was to breathe. He felt the familiar sense that his lungs were seizing up, but he could deal with it later. He had to focus.

“Annie! Where're you!” He shouted out, erupting into coughs.

“Hello?! I’m r-right here, mister!” A small voice responded, coughing through sobs.

Gene hacked even harder as he followed the voice. He ducked under charred wood and pushed school desks out of the way before eventually meeting the face of a terrified little girl, surrounded by burning rubble.

She let out a blubbering cry and launched herself forward into Gene’s arms. 

Gene let out a soft oof before hoisting her up over his shoulder. "S'all gonna be alright, sweetheart. I'm gonna get you out."

Once Gene actually finds a way out.

He held Annie close as he scanned for an escape route. The smoke was stinging his eyes, and his breaths were quickly becoming slow wheezes. One look at Annie and he saw she was dealing with the same thing. Her coughs were becoming louder-- more desperate. He needed to be fast if he wanted to save this girl.

Finally, he saw a sliver of hope. There were two beams resting against eachother, creating a pocket free of debris. It looked stable too, so long as it wasn't jostled too much. The only trouble was that it was entirely too small for Gene himself to fit through.

Oh well. I’ll figure something out.

He made a beeline for the exit, cradling the back of Annie’s head. His eyes were watering now. The air scorched his throat on the way down, and he looked down for a brief moment to see he was absolutely covered in soot.

As he finally reached the beams, he set Annie down very gently.

His voice was gravelling when he spoke.

“Alright darlin’, you have to head through this hole very carefully, okay? Don't touch the sides. I ain’t gonna be able to follow, but I’ll be right behind you. You hafta be brave, okay?” 

Annie’s eyes widened in pure panic.

“N-No! You have to come with me, mister! I’m too scared! Please!” She cried, clinging to Gene’s leg.

There was a sudden snap, and Gene saw a beam in the distance go down. Christ. They didn't have time for this.

“Alright! Alright. I’ll go with you. Promise. Just start walking, alright?” He reassured quickly, leaning away to cough.

She whimpered and nodded, holding Gene’s hands behind her as she inched her way through the beams.

Gene crouched, following her the farthest he could without disturbing the way the beams were balanced together.

She was about a foot from being out, when there was another sickening crack-- this time right above them.

“Shit!” Gene barked, and before he had time to think, he was shoving Annie as far forward as he could right as the beams gave way.

Right on top of him. 

All he felt was white-hot pain before everything went black.

••••

Cassidy watched from behind a tree as the bucket brigade finally started making a damn dent in the flames.

It had been nearly 7 minutes since Gene went in after that little girl, and there was no sign of either of them.

Cassidy was just about ready to head into the building himself. He was expendable. Deptuty Eugene Delaney was not. He rolled up his sleeves and took a step forward before--

He saw a soot-covered figure fall onto the grass, sobbing as hard as she could. That must be Annie, then.

So where the hell was the deputy. 

Cassidy took another experimental step forward, straining to look for any sign of a taller figure emerging.

All he was met with was the sickening sound of wood splitting, and a choked out scream as the building collapsed.

His legs were moving before he had time to think.

The bucket brigade, seeing the situation at hand, focused their efforts where the deputy presumably was. The worst of the flames had been snuffed out by some miracle, but the rubble was still creaking and falling all around. No one dared to get too close.

No one but Cassidy.

He crashed to his knees in front of where Annie escaped, ripping apart the rubble piece by piece, searching for any sign of life.

“Goddamn you, Delaney, always trying to be a goddamn hero,” He muttered, tearing away another plank of wood. The terror in his voice came out before he had a chance to surpress it.

His heart stopped when he heard a soft groan coming from below.

He wasted no time carefully, slowly lifting up a large scrap to reveal a soot-covered cotton vest, and just above it, a tuft of dirty blonde hair.

Cassidy felt his breath hitch as he lifted all the rubble he could hold in one go and.. Christ, it wasn’t good.

Gene was lying face down on the dirt, gasping for air. The entire left side of his face was blood-soaked, and more blood poured from his nose, seeping into his teeth. His lower half was obstructed by heavier rubble that Cassidy couldn’t lift on his own, and he wasn’t sure he liked what that meant for Gene. 

Still, he crouched towards the deputy, placing a steadying hand on his shoulder blade.

“Delaney? Delaney, you with me?” He questioned, voice tight with worry.

Gene made a pathetic attempt to nod, before erupting into a wheezing coughing fit again. 

“S-Still.. alive,” He rasped, gasping for air that would not come.

Cassidy urged his voice to be something gentle, despite his racing heart. “Alright cowboy, you gotta help me by wigglin’ out when I get this damn wood off’ya.”

Cassidy stood and got behind Gene, fingers hooking underneath part of the beam. Finally, some of the bystanders gained some sense and a few men stepped forward to help Cassidy lift.

They finally cleared out the crumbling beam, leaving Gene’s lower half lying limp against the dirt.

Gene blanched, sputtering out a cough as he tried to push himself up with his arms.

“C-Can’t.. can’t feel my legs..” He choked out, voice thick with panic. He clawed at the dirt in front of him. “Silver..”

Cassidy felt his heart sink.

“Sure you can. Don’t be stupid, Delaney, sure you can.” He knelt beside Gene. “It’s just the shock. Nothin’ more.”

Gene shut his eyes tight and shook his head. Tears were spilling freely now. It was the first time Cassidy had ever seen the other man cry.

“N-No.. s’like they’re not even there.” He wheezed, lowering his face to hide it from the onlookers’ staring.

Cassidy felt something akin to sorrow bubble up inside of him. He turned frustratedly to the group of bystanders. 

“Would someone please go get a doctor? Any time today?” He shouted, shooing off the crowd.

He turned back to Gene and ran a shaking hand through the singed hair on the back of his neck.

“You’re gonna be alright. We’ll fix this. I swear it.”

All Gene could do was sob.

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

[qipsir]

My thoughts on the friendzone

Original post is by wendycorduroy, can't find it, the account got moved and post deleted, and the image isn't loading properly so here's the link

And here's my story.

When I was 12, there was Stefan. We would walk every day in the mornings talking about Skylanders, my favorite game at the time. He seemed to be the only person who knew what they were and didn't think me childish for liking a game like that. We would walk in the mornings when my usual partner in crime wasn't there yet. We'd talk over lunch and during recess. About everything from games to psychology and heavy medical topics that would've gotten pity from really anyone else. We were sort of in the same friend group, both of us outsiders, but we found company in each other. He asked me if I'd date him one day when we were alone on a play structure, just sitting up high where it was quiet and I asked weren't we too young for things like that? He said no, that everyone else was doing it already. I was astonished to find out it wasn't all a joke, so I declined as gently as I could. The next day, I could've find him. In class, he didn't talk to me. He left a note in my locker saying he'd need time away from me to deal with his emotions. I was confused but let him do his thing.

When I was 13 there was Stefan again. It had been somewhere around a year after he last asked, wondering if I had changed my mind. By now, I was well aware of asexuality and declined his offer, explaining it to him and assuring that I wasn't doing this because i was upset with him or anything. (I didn't understand any of this stuff and I still don't, but I didn't know what words to use). Again, he left a note for me saying he'd need some time to get over his feelings.

When I was 14 there was Stefan again and there was our (his and my) friend Jason.

The day of our middle school graduation, they called it, we had a school dance. I had brought a notebook and pencil with me because I just wanted to sit in the corner and write, since reading books weren't quite allowed - I had asked - and i didn't have a choice not to go. For the past 6 years, I had never really been fond of him, but that year it seemed like he really needed a friend and I decided to give him a try. I would sit with him when he was alone, check in with him and let him talk about what was going on. if he didn't want me to be there, I'd leave. If he didn't want to talk, I'd just do my own thing and stay nearby. All through middle school, we were the only two during slow dances who were left standing alone and I remember the first time it happened, we saw each other, shrugged, and danced. We chatted a bit, it started rumors, of course, but we assured each other we were just friends. At the start of the event, he asked for my notebook and pencil because he needed to write a note for someone. I said sure, but please make it fast. I checked in multiple times if he was done and he kept saying 'not yet', 'not yet'.

Because of him, nobody left me alone. The student council tried to drag me up to dance, some people tried multiple times. It wasn't until I finally stood and just stared with the most annoying expression that they finally gave up. Some of the teachers even tried to get me to dance and I was getting more pissed by the minute. FINALLY at the end of the dance, right as he was leaving, he gave me a folded piece of paper and returned my notebook and pencil, instructing me not to open it until I got home. He then immediately left and I, being upset, immediately read it out loud to my friends. it was a confession, a Thomas Sanders pickup line ("they'll never find your body...more beautiful than I do"), and his email. Despite the overwhelming resentment over what happened at the dance, I sent a nicely worded email turning him down and he never talked to me again. A couple years later I found out he SA'ed the closest thing I have to a sister. he put together that I was reading their messages in real time - she wanted me to see - and he got extremely upset. I remember simultaneous rage and fear that he could've done it to me, but he did do it to someone I care about. The confusion over why someone would think that was okay.

Mind you, I was never touchy with either of these people.

When I was 15, there was Stefan again, and this time over text, asking if I had changed my mind. We shared classes in high school so avoiding me wasn't quite possible, but he didn't seem very hopeful this time anyways. I had changed my name and come out as trans at this point.

When I was 16, there was Stefan again. Somewhere between 10 and midnight. He asked if there was any chance at all that I had changed my mind and I agreed to date him because I felt so awful about hurting him, but the moment I agreed I was flooded with dread. I couldn't sleep, I felt sick, but I was giving it a shot on the basis that he knew and understood that this was an experiment. That I didn't feel the way he did, but I was willing to try. We would meet up before school and just hang out. One time my friends met up with me and pulled me away with an excuse. They made sure we were out of earshot and eyeshot then asked if I was okay because I "looked ready to run" and they had never seen me that on edge before. They gave me the courage to break up with him, assuring my wellbeing was more important than this, but that wasn't the whole story.

At one point, he asked if he could deadname and misgender me to his family because he wasn't comfortable with someone thinking he was gay. I was not okay with that. My deadname physically hurts me to hear - that was how I figured out I wasn't okay with it. My boss called my name and it felt like I was being stabbed in the heart. I felt sick and faint. I wasn't about to let him do this. I asked him multiple times what he wanted out of this. He said holding hands, walking around and kissing every now and again. I was fine until he said kissing, which made nausea surge against my throat. I hate kissing for two reasons. 1, I just think it's gross, and 2, I have been forced to kiss and forcefully kissed by relatives. It's not something I'm okay with.

When I finally broke up with him, it was the week before Valentine's. Neither of us had plans, neither of us were fond of the day, and i couldn't take anymore. I want to say he had just gotten us matching bracelets, but every time I tried to mention breaking up the topic would switch to some kind gesture before I could even type the message. I finally broke up with him and I could've cried from the relief. Until he started accusing me of using him, that he was just an experiment to me, that I didn't actually care and didn't feel the same. One of the breaking points was I asked him if he'd ever go to one of my concerts - hearing loss doesn't stop either of us from enjoying music - and he said yes but he wouldn't enjoy himself. He'd just go because it was me.

It's been another 5 years since that happened. I have tried to stay in touch with him over the years because all through this we had stayed friends, and we stayed friends before so why couldn't we now. To date he is the biggest horror story nerd I know, and he's hard of hearing too so I never got dragged for not hearing properly. Every now and again, I'll miss talking to him. I'll miss his company and his friendship, but then I have to wonder if he really actually ever cared at all or if I was just someone he liked.

Would he ever genuinely be happy for what I'd accomplish or would it only ever just be because he liked me?

To everyone who has ever been friendzoned and complains about it, at least you know they genuinely enjoyed your company for who you were.

To everyone who has ever been romance-zoned, I am so sincerely sorry for the loss of your friend.

[lunar-years]

what are your headcanons about tartt sr’s abuse? did it start when jamie was a teenager? was he always physically violent with jamie and maybe georgie too?

the s3 the finale is so disrespectful to georgie now that i think about it

Hi! This ones not super easy to answer because i think the show leaves the specifics largely up for interruption. My own thoughts on it are all over the map (and often change). I can basically see a lot of different avenues to getting to what we see play out in Man City, and I've seen a lot of differing thoughts on this topic; to be honest I find myself nodding along to most all of them even though all of them could definitely not coexist in the same universe, lol. So this is far from set in stone in my mind but here are my (once again quite long oops) general thoughts on how it might have gone (obviously TW for discussion of abuse below the cut):

the abuse canonically did start when Jamie was a teenager, because we know the Amsterdam trip happened when he was 14; whether the abuse also took the form of physical violence at that age I'm less certain, but I lean towards the bulk of that coming later. At this stage James was still in his "Stand Up Father" routine

I think the early relationship when James Tartt Sr. first came back into Jamie's life would've been a lot of false promises and the "Fun Dad" shtick Jamie describes when talking about Amsterdam. We also know James tried to get Georgie back at least once, and the way I interpreted the tone in which that was said was that the trip was neither the first nor the last time that happened. I kind of headcanon that James was in and out of rehab during that time, swearing to do better, making the same mistakes, rinse and repeat

Jamie's thoughts on James were a jumble of juxtapositions. James could always sweet-talk getting them an extra scoop of ice cream for free at the shop, he took Jamie to City matches and showed up all the time with cool or expensive gifts his mum could never afford - official kits and the like. He taught Jamie "life skills" like picking locks and petty crime tricks that, to a 12 year old were fucking cool! On the other hand he was also taking Jamie to pubs and making him try beer when he was like, 12 or 13. He made Jamie hang out with him and his friends - who were crude and brash and kind of scary. He arranged for Jamie to lose his virginity in Amsterdam because it was "past time for him to grow up and be a man."

All of those latter things made Jamie at best uncomfortable, but they were always balanced by the fun stuff. The good stuff. The problem was he never knew which version of his dad he was going to get on any given day, so he could never prepare for it.

I think the physical violence started off "small" - shaking his shoulder aggressively, keeping an ironclad grip on the back of Jamie's neck, etc. When he hit Jamie the first time he showed up the next day with a grand apology. He always used "getting too drunk" as his excuse and said "it won't happen again" and Jamie always believed him until the next time, because it really didn't happen that often, and anyway the bruises were never anything he couldn't keep hidden from Mummy and the teachers at school.

there were maybe one or two "Bad Times" when James "lost control" (in his own later words) and got Very Violent with Jamie whilst he was still a teenager. These are the times when Jamie learned how to hide substantial injuries and bruises from his team, his coaches, etc. and stared at his Roy Kent hoping by some miracle for the man to come out of it and save him.

I also think this is an instance where a young Jamie might have ~fought back~ and/or purposely said things to provoke his father, only to then have the resulting beat-down framed as a "punishment" by James, which scared him shitless (because canon Jamie does not seem afraid of most anything, but he is definitely terrified of his dad and that came from somewhere) and effectively prevented him fighting back in future. These occasions very much stand out as formative in his memory because the violence was so not constant at that time; the biggest thing to me is that James was incredibly inconsistent and that was part of his manipulation. Jamie started wondering if he was somehow at fault for the abuse, if it was his failure to be good that caused his dad to hurt him.

"say goodnight son..." when he goes to kill Beard with a lead pipe sure says a lot. I think that level of beating on Jamie and physically abusing him really began when Jamie was an adult playing for Man City. Both before he comes to Richmond and after he is sent back to Manchester in s1. He "restrained" himself during the season, to keep Jamie fit enough to play. But the off season has been a historically bad time for Jamie.

this is the timeframe where I think Jamie has a very tense relationship with his mother and isn't really talking to her about anything, let alone James. The distance between them started when he was teenager keeping secrets, worsened when she began things with Simon, and are by this point at an all time low, and he's fallen back on his father, spending more time with him than ever. He's essentially isolated himself from any support system and this is when things are really very Bad.

As for Georgie -

yes, i do imagine she also suffered from James abuse, though I don't think the abuse would have looked exactly the same for her as for Jamie

I think the bulk of it was emotional/verbal abuse. I can very much see James yammering on about he'd "never hit a woman." meanwhile he's spewing constant vitriol about her, calling her a bad mother, calling her slurs, and of course beating on their kid. But (in his warped brain) slapping Jamie around isn't the same as slapping Georgie around, because Jamie should be "able to take it" and "be a man." Just all kinds of ickiness exuding from that man.

"your father is never, ever going to change" is definitely the consensus (to me) of a woman who has been deeply manipulated by James in past and let down herself by his false promises. i would not be surprised if she HAD gotten back together with James once when Jamie was a teenager and he was on a longer sobriety stint from rehab.

I do think Georgie knew on some level that Jamie was being abused but I also really believe she did not realize the full extent. Jamie kept secrets from her (Amsterdam included). Georgie sensed there were secrets, but didn't poke into them, in part because of her own james-related trauma and in part for paralyzing fear of what she'd find if she looked deeper. It was easier to believe Jamie was still telling her only truths. So she comforted him the best ways she knew how, and she did her best to limit the time Jamie spent with James, but Jamie adamantly always wanted to see his dad, and she had to work so often and couldn't always be around to monitor him, and what was she to do, in the end?

Jamie does tell Georgie all of it after they repair their relationship circa/post s2/s3, and the resulting bond is stronger than ever.

[notwarriorswiki]

Can we learn more about Heatherpaw and Breezepaw's relationship or just Heatherpaw in general? She's one of my favorite characters but I don't see her much on this blog :,D. How does she use her power? Is Breezepelt still an antagonist?

You're right Anon, I don't talk about her enough, especially compared to the other 12.

I write her with an adventurous and social spirit. She'll always put what's right ahead of the rules without question, unlike her brother Harespring who attempts to go about things in the most respectful manner. Heathertail is an act first ans ask questions later type of gal, a reflection of her power with how her mind seems to be moving at a mile a minute. She can't sit still, always needing to act and be doing something. She's very kind, though in her hastiness she can be overwhelming and fail to give others the space they need. She can be rather impatient, preferring to just go and get the job done rather than face a slow build up. This shines in her hunting where she has a terrible crouch and lacks stealth, yet her incredible speed makes up for this.

Her power though is that speed. Heathertail's gift from the stars is she can outrun anyone - cat or prey. She'll catch you no matter what. her tireless energy on the moor can leave even her fellow WindClan cats gasping for breath. While still a fast cat after losing her power post-Great Battle, Heathertail struggles to hunt for her clanmates as she can no longer rely on her sure-fire speed to net her the kill.

She's best friends with Breezepelt, who has had a crush on her since their days in the nursery. The two are very different, Breezepelt being more awkward and reserved while Heathertail always tries to push him out of his comfort zone. In efforts to impress her, he reluctantly agrees, which can often land the both of them in trouble.

Heathertail is close with her brothers Harespring and Kestrelflight. Harespring can be rather exasperated with her endless enthusiasm, but her optimism and tendency to bend the rules is an excellent compliment to his more strict and mindful personality. Heathertail and Kestrelflight both have very caring and kind souls, Kestrelflight often covering for her in situations. Kestrelflight can worry a bit about his sister as she can end up with injuries in her hastiness, leading to him having to patch her up and look out for her.

She initially insists on accompanying Kestrelpaw on the journey to find SkyClan because it "sounds like fun", a stark contrast to Harepaw who is worried about his brother journeying without him there, and with cats from other clans nonetheless. Heatherpaw and Harepaw stay in WindClan though, and await their brother's return. However, while Kestrelpaw and the others are away, that is when Sol and his group of rogues enter the Lake Territories.

Onestar, her father, at that point had been a leader who was difficult to work with - he was quick to fight, independent, and didn't cooperate with the other clans even when it may be beneficial. That is how Heatherpaw and Harepaw knew their father to be, as he had been this way ever since he succeeded Tallstar. Initially Onestar had been quick to try and drive out Sol's group, but rather suddenly changed his tune upon a fleeting interaction with the member known as Darktail. This doesn't go unnoticed by Harepaw and Heatherpaw though, even some of their clanmates questioning why Onestar was scared of these rogues now when he wasn't before. Onestar orders his clan to stay away from the group and cease their interactions with them, much to everyone's dismay. While confused, Harepaw does listen to his father and follows his orders. Heatherpaw on the other hand disagrees, and in her curiosity, she and Breezepaw sneak away to investigate the rogues for themselves.

Of course stealth isn't Heatherpaw's strong suit. While Breezepaw does his best to protect her, the two are taken prisoner and Breezepaw's ear is badly torn. Unable to speak with the other members while Jaypaw is absent due to not having his dream walking abilities available, Heatherpaw isn't sure what she can do. As Sol questions the two apprentices, Darktail takes interest in Heatherpaw upon learning who her father is. Sol believes they can use this to their advantage and the group decides to use Heatherpaw and Breezepaw as bait to lure out WindClan.

Harepaw still walks in the Dark Forest at this point, and begins to have doubts about his father upon seeing his hesitancy to rescue Heatherpaw and face Sol's group. This was so unlike the leader he admired so much and it had Harepaw questioning his leadership methods. In an act of desperation to save his sister, Harepaw confides in Lionpaw, Tigerpaw, and Minnowpaw, asking for their help. This is a pivotal moment for Harepaw as well as he is the most reluctant to work with other clans at this point due to his father's influence.

All the while in Sol's camp, Heatherpaw and Breezepaw are given food. Breezepaw is rather angry and ashamed of his own perceived uselessness, unwilling to talk to Heatherpaw. This gives her time to instead speak to the cat she was so curious about - Darktail. After all, what had he said that made her father turn tail and flee?

Darktail was surprisingly gentle with her, calmly asking her what her father was like and how he treated her. Heatherpaw spoke well of her father, as to her Onestar had always been a strong and loyal cat. It was at this though that Darktail would scoff, saying how his own mother told tales of a gentle and soft-spoken tom, a far cry from who Heatherpaw knew. Yet Heatherpaw recalled the stories her mother told - Whitetail recounting the once close friendship between Onestar and Firestar. Suddenly Darktail's words began to make sense, and Heathertail realized what he said was true. The pieces began to fall into place...

Lionpaw and Tigerpaw infiltrate Sol's camp together to try and get Heatherpaw out, but the WindClan she-cat refuses to leave - not without Onestar coming to get her himself. Stunned, Lionpaw and Tigerpaw are forced to leave or risk being captured themselves. They relay this back to Harepaw, who is shocked. The one who can really understand this rule following nature is Hollypaw, who Harepaw confides in. Heatherpaw has been a prisoner for some time now, and Onestar won't do anything. WindClan is eating itself alive and Harepaw is scared. Hollypaw, someone who too follows the code with diligence, puts herself in his shoes - imagining what she would do if one of her brothers was taken. There's a moment between the two of understanding, and the two agree to put the pressure on Onestar with the one cat who can light a fire under him - Firestar.

Once Firestar learns of this? Oh he's horrified. How Onestar could let one of his clanmates, his own daughter mind you, be taken prisoner as he fails to take action - he could never. Firestar puts Onestar on blast, the WindClan leader shocked since with his isolation he is questioning who told ThunderClan. Regardless, this challenge to his power is, unfortunately, what actually gets him to act.

Finally, Onestar enters Sol's camp. He expects a fight... and yet there isn't one. Darktail calmly escorts Heatherpaw and Breezepaw out, the two both downtrodden and broken. Heatherpaw knows the truth, and she looks at her father with anger and shame. She tells him to say it aloud - to tell her who Darktail's father is.

Seeing his daughter's earnest blue eyes, her pain, her sorrow - he tells her. He admits it aloud in the silence of the clearing.

That he is Darktail's father.

That takes place over the first portion of Po12 for Heatherpaw (would be like Book 2 content for her). I hope this gives some good Heathertail content :)

[dark-frosted-heart]

On Keith and his other personality

Officially Keith is kind!Keith and his other personality’s mean!Keith but I’m going to continue with Keith and Alter!Keith

I think I got everything, or at least all the important bits down. I also hope that this is understandable.

Origin

Alter!Keith was born one rainy night in one of the most traumatic moments of Keith’s life, when he failed to protect the one most important to him. More about that here.

Discovery

Keith is told by a doctor that his mind and body have yet to heal since "that day". People have noticed that Keith has been acting hostile toward some nobles, even if it was for the sake of the common people. He's told to rest and those feelings of days suddenly passing by without notice or of there being another "him" will go away.

One day, Keith had "woken up" with a sword in his hand and a noble who had a cut on their arm cowering before him. When Keith tries to ask if they're alright, the beg for forgiveness. He asks if he was the one that hurt them. He has no memory of this and apologizes endlessly.

It wasn't until some days later that Keith learned that there was another "him".

Some exchanges between the two in Keith's first diary:

Keith: "Who the hell are you? What have you been doing without my knowledge?"

Keith: "People are looking at me weirdly. They’re saying things I don’t understand."

Keith: "Don’t do whatever you please with my body!"

Alter!Keith: "I’ve done all the work for you, you failure. You should be thanking me."

Alter!Keith: "You don’t remember what happened? Then I’ll write it down."

Alter!Keith: "It’s only a matter of time before you’re recognized as a brilliant prince."

Keith: "Your achievements belong to you. They’re not mine."

Keith: "I’m afraid of your very existence."

Keith: "Get out of me, I’m begging you. This isn’t normal."

Alter!Keith: "You wanted to disappear. Then scram."

Keith: "Truly, you are better than me. You’re nothing like a failure such as myself."

Swapping

According to Keith's "More Love with the Beast" event, the frequency of swapping has increased over the years. It's gone from once a year -> once every six months -> once every few months -> once every few weeks -> once a week -> once every 12 hours. However, I'm questioning the actual frequency in the early years. I think it was more than once a year.

It used to be that Alter!Keith came to the front when Keith was either in very stressful situations or was exhausted. Also in situations that Keith just didn't want to deal with.

However, Alter!Keith has more freedom to swap in by taking advantage of when Keith has a moment of weakness.

Unless Keith's feeling too many negative emotions or is exhausted, or if Alter!Keith "locks" Keith in his mind (a recent development), Keith will "wake up" when Alter!Keith goes to "sleep".

Most of Keith's achievements as a prince can be credited to Alter!Keith.

Memories

Until recently, Alter!Keith was the only one that could see what Keith did and keep memories. Keith would not have memories of what had occurred when Alter!Keith was in front.

For the longest time, the two have communicated through notebooks or passing notes to Liam, their butler.

Along came Emma and things start to change

Emma has caused the swapping to happen more often than usual.

Alter!Keith doesn't fully understand the mechanics of it, but even when Keith isn't feeling any negative emotions, Alter!Keith's able to swap in at will. It's easier to swap whenever Emma's involved and he likes to get in Keith's way.

Keith's able to access what I call his "mental world". It's a forest influenced by his emotions. Alter!Keith accesses this world first after locking Keith away for several days. He wakes up in a dark and rainy forest. The floor is stained red. Most likely the exact spot where Keith's brother died all those years ago. Here, the two Keiths are able to converse.

When Keith and Emma were attacked, and Alter!Keith couldn't find a gap to swap until after Keith collapsed plus Alter not letting Keith out, there's concern about one of them never being able to come back.

Since becoming aware of the forest, Keith's been able to understand what Alter!Keith feels and has caught glimpses of him and Emma interacting. Just like how Alter!Keith's been able to freely swap since getting close to Emma, Keith's feelings for Emma may be allowing him to "see" through Alter!Keith's eyes and keep some memories.

As Keith's mood improves over the course of his route, the forest becomes brighter and more lively. It also reacts to his emotions at the moment, such as a strong gust of wind blowing through the trees when he's mad at Alter!Keith.

If Keith's ever kicked out of the forest while talking to Alter!Keith, he wakes up shouting his last sentence.

Current situation

Keith and Alter!Keith can now swap freely and "lock" the other personality up.

Keith now retains some of Alter!Keith's memories by getting glimpses through Alter!Keith's eyes. They get clearer over time.

The two fight for Emma's affections

Emma falling in love with them

To avoid Emma having to entertain Silvio, Alter!Keith as Keith has Emma be his guide in Rhodolite. As Emma and Keith spend time together, she grows to care for him a lot.

In contrast, she didn't like Alter!Keith because of how he hurt Keith. However, she soon grows fond of him after spending time with him too. He may seem mean, but he does have a kind side to him. Remembering the little things about both her and Keith.

She first tells Keith that she likes both of them, "as people" she clarified internally. Meaning, as friends.

She doesn't admit to herself that she's in love with him until a little later, after she's been avoiding him like the plague since telling him that she liked him. Every time she's with him, her heart races and she grows warm.

She loves Keith's kind and gentle nature. Like he went out of his way to go out at night find a hair accessory she had lost during one of their tours. Or whenever he offers his cape to her when it's cold. She loves Alter!Keith who teases her relentlessly but is also very open with her.

As for how the two fell for Emma? I believe it's because of how she accepts them both and believes in them when no one else will.

[kaylinlmao]

Hey! too shy to use my account but could i have platonic yandere tbp boys with mother figure reader (like the wanda one you did but without powers) if not that’s ok <3 have a great day/night and drink lots of water!

I'm gonna be mixing two requests together because they are very similar.

Request for TBP Boys and Gwen x Adoptive Parent Reader

They present themselves as "pure, sweet, innocent angels," but when Reader isn’t looking, they show their true colors

Reader genuinely has no idea

Preferably yandere TBP Boys

Preferably yandere Gwen

Preferably headcanons

I gotcha! I will not be including Griffin because I hc he already has a great mom.

You worked as a nurse at the hospital and one day, 5 boys were brought in. They were seriously injured, might I add. You were the best nurse at the hospital so you were chosen to take care of the boys.

You didn't mind at all. You thought they were super sweet. They all had wonderful manners, which you very much appreciated seeing as you don't often get thank you's and please's often, being a nurse.

They were all so kind. The morning after they were brought in, there was a shooting downtown so they needed more rooms to put the victims of the shooting in. So your manager told you to move all 5 boys into one room as to empty more space.

Shortly after the shooting, a girl walked in. Maybe 11, 12 years old. She said her name was Gwen and she was Finney's sister. As you led her back to where the boys were, she was very jumpy. You had an abusive childhood so you knew what all the signs were pointing to. You felt bad for the poor girl.

You got off of your shift the next morning. (You worked the night shift) After you got off work, you went home and changed but went back to visit the boys and Gwen. You sat down in a chair by the door and you all talked. For hours. The conversation went to their home lives.

Finney and Gwen told you all about their abusive father. Vance said his mother mistreated him and told him constantly that he would never be enough and that he was just like his dad. Billy's parents left after he got kidnapped. Robin's mom and uncle moved back to Mexico, thinking Robin was dead. And Bruce's mom had come to visit saying that she didn't want him anymore seeing as his swinging arm was damaged and might never be the same.

You felt bad for the poor children. You lived alone in a large house. You made a good 80,000-90,000 dollars a year from working as a nurse. You could raise 6 kids. You dealt with kids everyday. So, you walked out telling them you'd be right back.

You went out into the hall and called your social services friend, Sophie. Sophie said that she could get it all ready. And so, a week later, you were legally the mother of 6 kids.

Little did you know, they had planned all of this. They knew you were all meant to be a family the moment they layed eyes on you. And just because they snuck out of the hospital in the middle of the night to take care of their parents didn't mean they were bad people. Billy killed his parents and so did Robin. Finney and Gwen didn't have to do anything. Their dad sealed his fate all on his own. Vance and Bruce blackmailed their mothers into signing the adoption papers.

They got what they wished for. You were apart of their little family now. Forever.

I hope you like it! Love y'all! :) -Kaylin

[nobodysdaydreams]

Hello TMBS fandom. This is a request for a little help with some of my fic writing from any extraordinary education fans.

So I write mostly for the show, but am at the point where I want to start writing and referencing “show versions” for some of the book characters, and the one I’m working on right now is Violet Hopefield. Sadly, I have not read extraordinary education, and was hoping to get some character details.

I do want to preface this by saying that my intention is to write the character in a way that follows the plot lines I’ve set up, so while I won’t be writing an exact copy of the character, I do want an idea of what she’s like. Think the differences between book and show Noland and Canonball or even book Curtain and show Curtain. Are they the same? No. But you see the book character they are based on in them, while acknowledging that this is a slightly different story and a different version of them, while still enjoying both the show and book versions of the characters.

Head canons or popular head canons are appreciated, but I'm mainly looking for what's canon so if something is "canon to you" based on how the character acts, I'll consider it, but please specify what's canon and what's not.

With that in mind, here's a rundown of what I know and what I'd like to know. I'll start with Violet, but I might include a few things for John too (and I'll have some questions about a few other book characters eventually, but I'll stick with them for now).

Violet Hopefield:

The biggest gripe I think people might have with the way I'd write her is her age. Apparently in the books, the ages are Nicholas (9), John (12), Violet (14). The fandom wikipedia stuff I found only said that Violet had an 8th grade education and didn't list her age, so in a book series about genius kids, I just imagined her being younger than John, around Nicholas' age. Obviously this was a mistake, and given that show Nicholas is 12, that bumps the ages at which he meets them to Nicholas (12), John (15), Violet (17). My question is, if I made her character younger, like...around Nicholas' age, would that completely destroy the character? I know this is a big ask, but please, it's for plot purposes, and you'll be grateful later. I just want to know if it's a situation where "yes the characters are technically different ages, but at the end of the day, they're all just friends hanging out and who the oldest is doesn't really matter" vs. "Violet is the older mature one of the group. This is one of, if not her main defining character trait and changing it completely changes the character." If it's option two, I might still make Violet younger, while being very careful to make her a younger but mature child, like what they did with show Constance where she's not a toddler anymore, but she makes up for it by being extremely violent and fighting falcons (or what they did with the twin's ages, and Number Two and Rhonda's ages, etc.)

I know Violet is deaf, and Nicholas learns sign language to talk to her, but she's extremely good at reading lips. Her disability would for sure be part of the fic, and I've already read tips on and thought about ways I can incorporate this (at the risk of finding false info on ASL signs, I plan on writing when signing occurs, but won't make an attempt to write out the exact hand motions unless I can verify that what I'm describing is factually correct). Her ability to read lips is interesting, and I'm not sure how it's done in the books or whether it's done accurately (It is estimated that only 30% to 40% of speech sounds can be lip-read even under the best conditions and extra information is usually required to understand what is being said. That's from google, but I've heard that stat a lot). I plan to stay true to the books in this regard, but will be highlighting the fact that this is unusual and extremely impressive on Violet's part. How will I be doing that? That's a spoiler so unfortunately, I can't share, but I do have that covered. If there are any descriptions of sign language or aspects of deaf culture included in the books that are also important to include in fic, please let me know (I am also aware that her mother is also deaf, more on her later).

I know she's an artist. Not sure what she likes to draw (people? nature?) or what style she uses (painting? sculpting? sketches?), but if there's info on that, I'll take it. I also know she had an interest in going to art school (the whole Nicholas thing isn't an issues anymore since he's adopted by the Glenn's), so I will have her doing art competitions and stuff like that.

And that's a summation of everything I know about her. Other details that are appreciated are physical appearance (though that's subject to change, the show certainly changed that a lot for some characters, but I'd like to know what I can use), any defining beliefs or principles she lives by or revolves her life around, the top adjectives you think describe her, character quirks (e.g., Kate's bucket), and if possible, some snippets of dialogue from the books that give a good impression of her character.

I'd also like to know if there is anything that falls under the "she would NOT say/do that OR she would not say/do that without very special circumstances. For example, book Curtain would never adopt a child. In the show, he does, and most of us are fine with that, because they explain and clearly show the differences between the show and book characters. In another example, they made show Benedict a more flawed or maybe a better word is relatable mentor. And most of us were fine with that too, again, because they showed us how he arrived at that point. However, if they made Mr. Benedict a mean or unpleasant person, that would totally rip apart his character, regardless of the justification you gave for it. Obviously, what falls into the "would never" and "under the right conditions" categories is subject to debate, so I'll use my best judgment, but would still appreciate a starter list to go off.

Finally, anything else you think is relevant about Violet or her relationships with other characters is appreciated.

John Cole:

I know John Cole is Violet's brother, and he is adopted. I understand this happens in the books and that Nicholas and John are in an orphanage together, but since this is a show version of the character, this will actually happen before Nicholas meets them, but John Cole is still adopted. What I don't know are the circumstances of his adoption. Did the Hopefield's adopt him because he was friends with Violet? Is that why they wanted to adopt Nicholas too? How did the Hopefield's meet him? Do we know anything about John's bio family and culture that differs from the Hopefield's?

I've seen a lot about John Cole and farms. And a post about he and his wife having a farm. Does he actually have a wife in canon? Do the Hopefield's have a farm? Or does John just have "farmer vibes"? Is getting a city job something John would do or did he declare himself to have a deep seated hatred of the big city?

I know John calls Nicholas "Nick" on at least one occasion. Is this what John normally calls him? Do the Hopefield's and Violet call Nicholas "Nick" too, or is this just a "John thing"?

Other details that are appreciated are physical appearance, any defining beliefs or principles John lives by or revolves his life around, the top adjectives you think describe him, character quirks, and if possible, some snippets of dialogue from the books that give a good impression of John's character.

I'd also like to know if there is anything that falls under the "he would NOT say/do that OR he would not say/do that without very special circumstances as discussed above.

Any of course, anything else you think is relevant about John Cole or his relationships with other characters is appreciated.

The Hopefields:

I know Mrs. Hopefield is also deaf. Can she read lips too? Is Mr. Hopefield also deaf?

What are the Hopefield's occupations? I read something about them being miners and poor, not sure if that's accurate.

Why are they interested in adopting? Have they always been interested in adopting? Why did they want to adopt John?

Are there any important aspects to the Hopefield's culture or family philosophy? For example, if the Hopefield's are, say, Jewish or immigrants, or some sort of culture is mentioned, I would like to know so I can represent that properly and not accidently write it out of the story.

Are there any other members of the Hopefield family besides the parents, Violet, and John? Any beloved pets?

Other details that are appreciated are physical appearance, any defining beliefs or principles they live by or revolve their lives around, the top adjectives you think describe them, character quirks, and if possible, some snippets of dialogue from the books that give a good impression of their characters.

I'd also like to know if there is anything that falls under the "they would NOT say/do that OR they would not say/do that without very special circumstances as discussed above.

Any of course, anything else you think is relevant about the Hopefields or their relationships with other characters is appreciated.

Thanks guys! Feel free to add to the post, DM, or drop by my ask box.

And yes, eventually with enough time, I might like to read extraordinary education someday, but I'd likely write this fic first, so I want to get some accurate info. Plot spoilers are fine, that won't deter me from reading it.

[jennay]

It's always been you

Request

If you're okay with writing smut, my love, I wanted to request one where Jamie's fucking y/n against the wall first and on the bed, then while she's wearing his t-shirt only, and he calls her his good girl

A/n: I did my best. Lol sorry if it's weird and awkward. I am an awkward human. It's not exact but it was getting soooo long. I hope you enjoy. Go ahead and send me requests if you like.

Warning: This contains smut.

Master List

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" Your voice shakes; you feel your lips tremble. "You've had how long to tell me this, and you wait till I'm about to get married?"

You had asked your best friend of 12 years to stand with you at your wedding, and he told you he had feelings for you at the last minute.

Jamie stares with watery eyes. He didn't mean to tell you, but he couldn't hold it anymore. You never expressed feelings for him, even if you did have them. Why he decided now was beyond you.

"I can't stand the idea of you getting married to him! He doesn't know you as I do!" He sighs, "You can't deny your feelings for me. I know that you're the reason Layla and I broke up. I know you drunkenly told her you wished you would have made a move sooner!"

You stand from the couch, nearly sticking your finger in his face, "That was a year ago, and you didn't do anything about it then, so why now, Jamie?" You take a deep breath and step back, "You know what? Don't answer that. You should leave." You reach the front door, but Jamie hasn't moved from his spot on the leather recliner. "Don't call me. Don't text me; I don't want you at the wedding if you can't be supportive."

Jamie stands and walks to you. He stops in front of you before exiting and says. "You and I both know he's wrong for you. You're marrying someone who hardly knows you. When you change your mind and admit to yourself the truth, you know where I live."

You feel like screaming at him. How dare he say such things to you and act like he knew what was best for you. "Fuck off, Jamie. You'll move on sooner than later. Look at your dating history; you get obsessed with someone and then move on. You like what you can't have and dump them in the trash when you finally get it." Your voice carries venom as you tell him, "I don't want to see you again."

Jamie laughs in disbelief. "Goodbye."

The conversation plays over and over in your head; three days later, you couldn't get the image of Jamie's disappointment out of your head.

"Hey," Your fiance says, "I got you your favorite." He enters the kitchen with bags in his hand. The logo shows it's from the local Barbeque restaurant. You loved barbequed food, but it was close to your wedding day, and you were dieting. Did he not remember?

"Thanks." You quietly say.

He hands you the drink that he picked out. It was not your favorite flavor of soda. Did he not know such a simple thing? Two things and two wrong choices.

Jamie's voice played in the back of your head. "He doesn't know you as I do."

You shake your head, trying to snap out of your daydreaming. "You know what? Go ahead and start without me. I need to go do something." You slip your shoes on. "I'll be back later."

His brow raises at you. "Is everything okay?"

You nod. "I just realized...this isn't working." You hurry out the door before he can ask you any questions. You send Jamie a text message. 'I'm coming over.'

When you arrive at his front door, you knock loudly and nervously wait. 'He's not going to answer,' You think. 'What am I doing here?' 'Why am I here?'

Honestly, you weren't sure why you came, but you knew you needed to talk to him. "Y/n?"

You turn around and are face to face with Jamie. His brows furrow, and he searches your eyes for answers.

"Hi." You quietly say, eyes falling to the ground; facing him seems embarrassing.

He doesn't say anything. He shifts the bag in his hand and unlocks the door. "Are you coming in?"

You bite your bottom lip and follow him. He sets his grocery bag on the counter and asks, "What's up?"

You feel your lips burning from how hard you're chewing on your lip. "I'm sorry." You admit. "I don't want to lose you, and I didn't want to admit it, but you're right. I broke things off." You turn to make a quick exit, "I just wanted to tell you. I'm sorry." Your hand lands on the doorknob, but Jamie's hand is on the door closing it before you can open it. You jump back, slightly startled.

"It's okay." He sighs. "I should've told you sooner. It's my fault, and I understand your reaction."

Swallowing hard, you watch his lips as he speaks. You feel nervous with him towering over you. Your back against the wall, and his hands lean against the wall on each side of you.

Your hands tremble, but you bravely bring them to his face and pull him to your lips. His arms drop from the wall and snake around your waist. 'What are you doing?'

His tongue traces your bottom lip, and you gladly open your mouth, allowing him what he wants. Your hands are entangled in his hair, and you slightly pull at his locks. He moans into your mouth, pushing you closer to the wall. Jamie's fingers find the bottom of your dress. Lifting it slightly, he wiggles his knee in between your legs.

"Fuck," You moan when his leg brushes against your heat. You lightly grind on him; your head flips back with pleasure. He moves your hair from your neck, leaving hungry kisses down your pale skin.

You sloppily unbutton his pants and pull them down along with his boxers. Love-sick eyes stare at you with lust as he pulls your underwear down. He briefly stays on his knees, kissing up your thighs. He forces your legs apart, and l gently opens your folds, placing his tongue on your bundle of nerves. He teasingly licks your clit; butterly float through your stomach, your breathing faster and your heart pounding violently against your chest.

"Jamie," You groan, "Fuck me."

He smiles against your skin and pulls your dress off your body as he regains his balance and exposes your breast. Completely naked, his eyes rake over your entire body. You shrink under his gaze, and as soon as he realizes, he says, "Don't do that."

He pulls his shirt off, grabs your hips, and pulls you to his body. "You look stunning." He softly picks you up with complete ease and balances your weight against the wall while adjusting, "Are you sure about this?" He nips at your neck.

"Yeah," You breathe heavily, "I want you."

Your breath leaves your lungs as he pushes his cock inside of you. Your arms wrap around his neck tightly to help hold your weight for him. "Fuck." You moan.

"You're so tight." He lets one of your legs down, thrusting deeper, your cunt clutching around him. You can't tell if you're in pain or pleasure. It seems equally pleasing. He softly pulls out, breathing heavily; he grabs both of your hands and leads you to his bedroom.

He leads you to the bed and forces you on your back; it only takes seconds before he crawls up your body. He bends your knees and brings his face in between your legs, fulfilling the urge of your soaking wet cunt. He wants to taste you, drink you, fuck you. Jamie waited a long time for this moment and would take his time with you enjoying every sound you made and every movement.

"Jamie." You moan, "Fuck. I need you inside of me."

He grips tighter on your legs, leaving fingerprint indents as he holds you. He's enjoying you squirming and twitching, begging for his cock inside you. Pulling his face away from your pretty pussy, he kisses the inside of your thigh and allows you to rest them for only a quick second.

Jamie adjusts himself; hovering over your body, he kisses your lips, his hand on each side of you.

Without hesitation, you bring your hand to his throbbing cock and softly stroke him. His eyes roll back, and he loudly moans. Bucking your hips at him, you gently guide him to your opening. "Please."

He doesn't budge; he wants you to use him. Annoyed, you wrap your legs around his waist and pull him to you. You push your hips to him, moaning loudly when his dick enters you. Hands run down his chest and grab onto his flexing biceps. He wraps his arms around your body and grinds against you giving you just enough friction to remain stimulated for him.

He pulls one of your legs over his shoulder and violently thrusts into your soaking-wet hole. "I don't know how long I can hold it, Love."

"Let me on top."

He refuses to pull out of you and pulls you onto his lap. He watches as you bounce up and down on him. Your head flings back as you continue you ride him. You feel a warmth in his stomach, nearly crying from how euphoric you feel. Chills run down your spine, and you hold him close to your body, burying his face in your breast. "I'm gonna," You moan. "Cum, fuck." Your body quivers, nails digging down his back. Your arms wrap around his neck, exhausted. You rest your head on his shoulder.

"Good girl." He moans in your ear, bringing you to lay on the bed; he lets you relax your body but spreads your legs and quickens his paces; you can see he's close, and you want him to cum. "Jamie, faster."

He moans, and his pace slows down; he holds himself inside you, completely melting. "Fuck. You're such a good girl. Letting me fuck you like this." He slowly pulls out of you, making you whimper when he collapses on your body. "Thank you." He kisses you, and you run your fingers through his hair. "God, that was good."

He gently lifts himself and rolls to the side of you. He sits up and leads you to the bathroom. He tosses you one of his shirts and a pair of boxers.

“Let’s shower, beautiful. We can watch a movie and order in tonight. Chinese?”

“You know me too well.”

[xoxoavenger]

Hiii can I please request Jack Thompson x female reader who has powers like Scarlett witch. You can decide what happens etc. thank youuu 💕

Terrified

pairing: Jack Thompson x Fem!Reader

word count: 3322

warnings: some angst but also the fluff

12 Days of Christmas Masterlist

main masterlist

Y/N woke up screaming. 

She woke up screaming most nights, which is why she sacrificed extra money to live on her own, why she almost ruined her friendship with Peggy because she couldn't accept the offer of living with her. It's why she was terrified to spend the night with her boyfriend, Jack. There had been countless nights over the nine months where she had caught herself almost asleep, about to spend the night, before she realized what the hell was happening and left, despite Jack's protests. 

"I can sleep in the other room," 

He thought it was about modesty.

She always made up excuses to leave, kissing him as passionately as she dared to try and assuage his mind. It didn't change the fact that at the end of the day, she was terrified that she was going to have one of those stupid nightmares and wake up screaming, and man would that scare Jack off. 

She knew everyone had nightmares. But not everyone had these kinds of nightmares. 

"You're not coming with me!" Steve yelled at her. They were in the plane on the way to rescue Bucky and the rest of the POWs Hydra had taken. Bucky's family had taken Y/N in when she was young, her father having never been around and her mother dying from some sort of illness. 

"Bucky is my brother! I'm not leaving him!" She knew he would never leave her, would never give up if it had been her in his place. 

"You're not apart of this!" Steve shook his head at her, and she frowned. 

"Just because I'm not in the army doesn't meant that I can't help!" She cried. "I've been with you guys since the beginning! I'm just as much apart of this as you!" Steve wasn't hearing it. 

In real life, she had grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane after Steve. In real life she had snuck into the compound quickly. In real life, she went straight to Bucky while Steve was left behind fighting. Her dream showed none of this. Her subconscious didn't care.

"Bucky! Oh my God!" She screamed, going to his side. He barely moved his head, and was quickly trying to free him. 

"Y/N?" He muttered, voice hoarse and body pale. 

"What did they do to you?" She questioned, still trying to free the restraints. 

"You have to go," He said as she got one arm done. He sat up, grabbing her hand. "Please, they're coming," He begged, but she wasn't listening. 

"Steve's taking care of it, don't worry-"

In her dream, every night, they shoot Bucky. In her dream, they take her and do unspeakable things. 

In real life Bucky wasn't shot, just electrocuted. In real life, she was knocked out quickly. In real life, she was barely conscious when these things happened. In real life, she can only remember these things happening when she goes to sleep.

In her dream she is vividly living through it. 

Sometimes she wakes up when they shoot Bucky. She wakes up and has to remind herself that Steve was successful a few months later. That they only had Y/N for half the time they had Bucky, that Bucky didn't die there, he died later on and now Steve is dead and-

It usually doesn't work. 

She knows Hydra did experiments on her. She's still finding out about those. 

~

"Good morning," Peggy smiles as Y/N steps into the office, putting her things down on her desk. They both know that the only reason they are the only two girls in the office is because the government felt bad about the damage that wreaked havoc on their lives. 

Welcome to the 40s.

"Good morning," Y/N tried to be smiley, but she wasn't getting enough sleep to do this over and over again everyday. 

There was no way she could tell people what she was going through. No one would understand. 

"Jack came in a couple minutes ago, went straight to the back. He seems to be a bit on the wrong side this morning." Peggy was still smiling, but this information made Y/N want to scream. 

Of course Jack was upset this morning. The fight they had gotten into at three A.M. was definitely responsible for that.

"What happened?" Peggy asked, mood immediately shifting as she took in the look on her best friend's face. Peggy was insanely good at reading people, and after all that the two had gone through she could read Y/N like a book. 

"Well," Y/N briefly thought about lying, but one look at her best friend's face told her she had to tell the truth. "It's a long story." She tired, but Peggy just glared. 

"It's a good thing our desks are right next to each other, isn't it?" Peggy questioned, already prepared for that answer. Y/N nodded, taking her spot across from Peggy. 

"Jack wanted me to spend the night last night, since it was so late. And as much as I want to, there's just too much going on right now." Y/N tried not to think of the look on Jack's face when she had slipped up, when her eyes went red and her hands began to glow. 

He was terrified. 

"That's not a long story." Peggy commented as she began to go through the paperwork stacked on her desk. Y/N took a deep breath and avoided Peggy's eyes.

"I'm having nightmares." Maybe if she told part of the truth, Peggy would let her off the hook. 

"You've had nightmares since you met Jack. What else is going on?" She looked at Y/N then, squinting as if she were trying to preform an X-Ray with her naked eyes. "Are you," She led off, eyes briefly trailing to Y/N's midsection. 

"No!" She shrieked, probably too loudly, because the other men turned to stare. "It's not that." Y/N looked down at her hands, the ones that had started to glow. The ones that scared Jack. 

She never wanted to hurt Jack. She knew he would never hurt her, that he would try and kill anyone for putting their hands on her, but she never thought she would see the look of fear in his eyes when he looked at her. 

"Then what is it?" Peggy asked, still going through the papers. Y/N began to copy the motion, hoping that if she were doing something normal this next part would seem better somehow. 

"Do you remember when I was captured by Hydra?" Y/N asked. Of course she knew Peggy remembered. They both knew that even though they never talked about what happened over the war, they remembered every detail. 

"Yes," Peggy answered, slowing her work. She knew that what Y/N was about to say was important, much more important than nightmares. 

"They were trying to recreate the serum. They tested it on Bucky, but we never found out if it actually worked." She took a deep breath, because she was about to drop a truth that she probably should have told Peggy, and Steve, when she was first rescued. "They tested it on me too." 

She had whispered the words, but she knew Peggy heard them. Even as she was silent, Y/N knew the sentence had gotten across.

"I'm sorry," She whispered, sounding confused. "I'm not sure I understand. You were tested on by Hydra?" 

"From what I remember." Y/N answered, not looking at her friend. 

"Why didn't you tell us?" The us in that situation was clear, and Y/N tried to block out the fact that half of that group was dead.

"One of you already knew." Y/N tried to be funny, but it was clear it didn't land. 

"Why are you telling me this now?" Peggy tried not to sound brash, but she was confused as to why Y/N was bringing this up now, when she was supposed to be talking about the fight with Jack. 

"Something has been happening." Y/N closed her eyes, no longer feeling the need to pretend she was doing work. "It started when the nightmares got worse, and then there was a tingling in my hands." She looked down, willing the red power to come to the surface just a bit. She lifted a hand to show it, pulling it back once Peggy saw. Her eyes widened, and Y/N couldn't look at her anymore. 

"Y/N,"

"I don't know what's happening to me." She whispered, tears in her eyes. "And last night, Jack was upset that I couldn't stay the night. I started to tell him about the nightmares, but I got too emotional and it happened." She took a deep breath, looking up and away. 

"What did he do?" She asked, and Y/N just shook her head. 

"He was terrified." She shrugged, as if that were the obvious answer. Her throat was closing with emotion and her eyes were beginning to well with tears.

"Of you?" Peggy asked, because she was sure there was no way Jack actually was scared of Y/N. She had seen the way he looked at her, like she was the only person in the world. Peggy would have never thought that Jack would even think about being afraid of Y/N in any way. 

"Yes. And who wouldn't be?" Y/N got up, not able to stay at her desk any longer. 

"Are you sure that he was afraid of you?" Peggy questioned, sure that Y/N must've been mistaken.

"What else would it have been?" Y/N asked. Peggy didn't have the answer, but soon the Chief was coming over anyway. They had to end the conversation quickly, but one look from Peggy told Y/N this wasn't going away.

"I need you two to go on a stakeout." He had said, and Y/N just stared, waiting for the rest of that assignment. "We need more information about one of the targets. Here's the file, read in the car." He dropped the file on Y/N's desk, and she just nodded, watching the chief walk back to his office. 

"Looks like we're going out today." 

~

"Where's Y/N?" Jack had asked when he had finally gotten out the the interrogation the Chief had made him do. He had gotten to the office early in the morning, hoping to catch when Y/N had come in. He desperately needed to talk to her, but he knew better than to follow her home last night. 

"Why, did you not get enough last night?" One of the guys asked, and Jack rolled his eyes. Him and Y/N had tried to keep their relationship a secret, but it was obvious after awhile. Although they weren't big on PDA, the boys still loved to give Jack shit. 

"I know you want to live vicariously through me, Jenkins, so I regret to inform you that I actually need to talk to her." Jack shot back, not in the mood for a witty comeback. 

"Chief sent her and Peggy on a stakeout." Daniel told Jack, knowing that his friend was going to be pissed. 

"Where?" Jack was packing his stuff when the Chief came out. 

"You're not going anywhere, butterfly boy." Jack tried not to show his anger at the nickname. "You didn't finish your paperwork." He nodded to the papers on Jack's desk. 

"You only told me to do the interrogation." Jack said, knowing that everyone was watching now. "You don't understand, I seriously need to talk-"

"I don't care," Chief Dooley admitted, making Jack have to take a deep breath. "You're at work, Thompson. You can talk to your girlfriend later." Everyone went back to their own work with a couple chuckles, and Jack walked to his desk, trying to forget about his personal problems. 

"Why do you need to talk to Y/N so bad?" Daniel asked as he walked over to Jack's desk. The two had gotten closer more recently, and although he knew he shouldn't ask, he wanted to be a good friend. 

"We got in an argument last night, and I did something I shouldn't have." Jack knew that it was miscommunication, that the look of fear he displayed was not received in the way he meant it. 

He wasn't afraid for himself. He was concerned for Y/N. It was clear she wasn't okay, that she was terrified, and he would do anything to take that away from her. He wasn't afraid of her. He was afraid for her.

But of course he couldn't tell Daniel about that. 

"And that's urgent?" Daniel didn't want to be rude, it just came out. He had never heard that the couple had gotten into an argument that couldn't wait before - they always put work first and figured their own problems out later.

"It's complicated." Jack muttered, starting the paperwork. 

"Sounds like it." Jack closed his eyes and cracked his neck, trying not to take a jab at Daniel. 

"How's Peggy?" He asked instead of saying something he knew he would regret. 

"Ha ha." Daniel rolled his eyes and walked away, knowing he wasn't getting the full story. 

Jack needed to talk to Y/N. He had to explain. 

~

"This is a fool's work." Peggy complained as they sat outside of the cafe. They were waiting to see Michael Carlye come out of the office, because as soon as he did they were to grab a file from his desk and leave. 

"Well, at least it gives us something to do." Y/N muttered as she took a sip of her drink. 

"Maybe you should talk to Jack." Peggy offered, staring at the door still.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure that terrified look on his face really meant 'I want to talk all about this.'" Y/N didn't wait for Peggy's response, because all the sudden Michael was walking out of the building, whistling and not even knowing that the SSR was out for him. 

Wordlessly, the two got up, leaving their drinks and a couple dollars before walking across the street. 

"Let's do this quickly," Peggy grumbled as they slid right by security. The only perk of being a woman in the 40s - no one suspects shit. 

"What were you saying about quick?" Y/N teased as they waltzed right into the unlocked office. "I can't believe he just keeps this shit out like that." She said, grabbing the file out of the first drawer in his desk. "I mean seriously, this guy is," She trailed off as she heard Peggy whipping out her gun, turning to see a man in the doorway with a pistol pointing toward them. 

"Drop the file, and I'll pretend I never saw you." The man said with a gross sneer. 

"Drop the gun and I won't shoot you." Peggy fired back, gun steady in her hands. 

"That wasn't an option." The man said. Just as he shot, Y/N dropped the file and put her hands up, not even thinking as she stopped the bullet just before it hit Peggy. 

"Shit," Y/N whispered, not even sure how she had done it. "What do I do?" Just as she had asked Peggy, the man tried to turn around and yell, but Y/N shot out her other hand and pulled the door shut. 

"What are you?" The man screamed, and Y/N just blinked, not sure how to answer that. 

"What do I do?" She asked Peggy again. They knew it was only a matter of time before someone came and tried to see what the commotion was. 

"We have to run!" Peggy said, but she was still holding the gun up. 

"He knows!" Y/N cried, dropping the bullet. There was no way to spin the tale of her stopping a bullet midair.

"You're the only one that knows," Peggy walked forward, standing in front of Y/N. "So if this gets out, I will find you, and we will ruin your life." The girls heard shouting and they knew their time was up. 

"Out the window." Y/N instructed, using her new found magic to flip up the window and was jumping out. Peggy jumped out as well, and just as she was about to shut the door Y/N remember the file. She quickly reached out with her magic and grabbed it, sliding it through the window as Peggy shut it.

"What a nice office view." Y/N said, realizing they were a foot away from a narrow alley. 

"Back to the office?" Peggy offered, slipping into the alley. 

"Do we have to?" Y/N asked, knowing what was waiting at the office. 

"Well," Peggy started, but they heard yelling from behind them. The girls turned to see some men coming at them, the dumbs who tried to shoot them in the front leading the group. 

"Shit," Y/N muttered, because they were trapped. She could use her powers, but she didn't know exactly what that would entail. 

"You have to do something," Peggy muttered, because they were very out numbered. 

"I don't know what I can do." Y/N admitted, but when the first gunshot went off she caught it, anger beginning to boil in her veins. Without thinking, going based off her rage, she pushed her other hand toward the group and let herself explode. The two girls watched as the men blinked before opening their eyes, pupils red. 

"What did you do?" Peggy asked, walking toward them.

"No idea." Y/N ran past them, not sure how long the men would be out.

~

"She's here." Daniel muttered as he walked past Jack's desk, trying not to laugh as Jack practically fell out of his chair trying to turn around. He got up and quickly walked over to her, feeling bad for thanking God that she was looking for the Chief and not looking at him. 

"Y/N," He called when she was close enough that he knew she wouldn't run. He watched her eyes widen as she turned to him. He was about to speak when he realized she was close to tears. 

"Jack, I'm so sorry," She started, moving her hand to grab his arm but then aborting the motion, looking in his eyes for fear. 

"What happened?" He asked, looking over to Peggy, who had a barely contained look of shock and something else that Jack didn't have the time for right now. "Why are you sorry?" That got her to stop in her tracks. Peggy continued on, probably to debrief the Chief. Y/N was thankful they had thought of their alibi in the car.

"What do you mean?" She looked genuinely confused and slightly scared, and Jack grabbed her hand and walked her to an interrogation room for privacy. "Jack, I'm so sorry, I-"

"For what?" He asked again, confused was to why Y/N was apologizing. He was the one that needed to apologize. 

"Everything," A couple tears fell down her cheeks and she quickly wiped her cheeks, not looking at him. 

"Sweetheart," Jack tried to smile to somehow make Y/N feel better. "I need to apologize." He admitted, putting his hands on her face and pulling her face up to make her look at him. 

"It's all my fault," She said as way of explanation, causing Jack to just shake his head. "I didn't know-"

"Y/N," Jack grabbed her hand, pulling her close and trying to get her to calm down. "I wasn't afraid of whatever is going on," He cringed at his word choice. 

"That's the problem; I don't know what's going on." She whispered, sounding unhinged. Jack understood why, but he was fighting not to tale a step back. Y/N would never hurt him - he knew this. He trusted her. 

"We can figure it out, I promise." He put a hand on her cheek, trying to figure out the best way to comfort her. "Whatever is going on, I'll be here." He hoped she believed him, because he knew he meant it. 

"Right," She smiled, but it didn't seem full. "About, um, that," She looked toward the door, knowing that right now Peggy was telling the Chief all about their fake story.

"We'll work on it." Jack smirked, reading her mind. She nodded, tilting her head up and letting him press his lips to hers.

//

tags: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @roxaya @iluvblueberrymuffinz @thefandomplace @punzoquack @icequeen1371 

[queenofbaws]

For the behind-the-scenes fic asks, could I get 12, 24, and 25 for The Almosts pretty please? I'm so insanely curious

heheheh aw man, any chance i get to rant and rave about t(a), you KNOW i'm gonna take it!! ;)c

12. Was there a scene you wished you could have included? Why didn't it fit in?

mmmmmmmmm this one's tricky. i wouldn't say there were any scenes that i wished hadn't ended up on the cutting room floor in the end (as the wordcount will attest, pffffft), but there are definitely some that i had sort of imagined going differently when first planning/setting about writing, and that ended up significantly different when all was said and done.

the two that come most readily to mind are: (1) the whole reason i had sam's dad scott be an er nurse was because i fully intended on him being the one letting her know about josh's hospitalization, and then there being a very, very awkward confrontation with chris about it later; and (2) the fight in ch17 was actually going to be, uhhhhhh worse, hahahaha. in the end, i decided i wasn't really feeling the direction of those decisions, and so ended up changing them. i for sure wouldn't say i regret that, though, or that i wish i'd stuck with my original plan, but i do think they could've changed the overall vibe of the story significantly.

EDIT: I AM A FOOL! THERE WAS A SCENE I WISH I COULD'VE INCLUDED, AND THAT WAS SAM AND ASHLEY GOING FULL PARENT TRAP ON THEIR PARENTS TO GET THEM TO DATE SDKLFJLKSJDFKLJSDF hahahaha, not exactly an important part of the story, nor a necessary one, but........i had plans for scott giddings and jamie brown, oh yes i did. oh yes i did. hehe.

24. Did you write every scene in order? What was the first scene you wrote, and what was the last?

god no, oh jesus, oh no. nonononono. i am like, pathologically incapable of writing things in order. i WISH i had that sort of discipline, my gosh. hilariously, the first scene i wrote was...well, okay, yeah, the first scene of the fic!!! hannah and sam having a little chat before The Big Party, but after that, all bets were off, babyyyyyyyyy. i jumped around.....everywhere, and the one thing i remember most about writing t(a) is that i was, at ALL times, actively working on 3 chapters. nightmarish. don't recommend it. absolutely the only way i found i could get my brain to work XD the last scene i wrote.....man, was josh and hill in that last session. everything after that had already been written, it was all set in stone, but that last session, man...that one took me.......a long time to write, hahaha.

25. Is there anything you would change now about this fic? Why or why not?

so, here's the thing. i feel like it's really easy to look back on an artistic endeavor and pick out all the stuff you don't dig about the final result. i have, in all honesty, not gone back and FULLY reread t(a) start-to-finish since finishing it BECAUSE of that. i am positive that if i really sat down and looked at it with a magnifying glass, yeah, there are some things i'd change - pieces i'd get rid of, segments i'd rework, commas i would delete by the dozens.................

but at the end of the day, t(a) is, was, and always will be my baby, something that not only served as my first step into the ud fandom, but something that introduced me to so many AMAZING people - writers and artists and readers and editors and gifmakers and not-so-silent lurkers all - and so looking at it and thinking about the things i'd change doesn't really occur to me. it is what it is, and i'm very happy to leave it as is :) <3

that being said, i would've loved to format some of the...stuff in the ending where they (starve) in a more house of leaves sort of way, but ao3 proved pretty tricky for that, alas!

behind-the-scenes fic asks!

[pbandjesse]

We got home from the Ren Faire about an hour ago. I have showered and eaten and feel very tired. But I did so good today. I had energy somehow and didn't feel nauseous until the very end of the day when we were back in the car. I honestly just had a lot of fun.

I wanted to sleep more. I ended up waking up a little before 8 and would spend most of the next hour just scrolling on my phone since I couldn't fall asleep again. I got up and took a shower. And was in a good mood.

I would braid my hair. I did two small braids on each side that I twisted and then pulled them to the back to add to the larger braid. And had an extra little braid behind my ear for fun.

I was slightly nervous about my outfit but it ended up working out so well. James would have our backpack with water bottles, snacks, and charger and would hold purchases as needed. And I would have my small hip purse with chapstick and all of the cash we were bringing.

James looked really handsome today. We still haven't been able to find our accessory box but we added some other belts and I think we did a good job pulling it together.

James made me an omelette and I ate it on the floor in our bedroom while I finished putting myself together. It was weirdly humid in here. Which was not comfortable when I had so many layers on. But it was fine. Eventually we would go outside and swing on our porch swing together watching TikToks until it was time to go.

I would have a little sandwich before we left. I thought it would be good for extra energy. And I'm glad I did because our travel time almost doubled what was expected and that was slightly frustrating.

We left a little after 10. James had cleared out the car so we could get the crib from Jess. And we started our journey. The original ETA was 1105. But slowly that time ticked up.

The gps kept changing the way we should go. There was an accident on the highway and we had to get off but it took off 12 minutes. The. We switched again. And again. I was trying to be chill. We had our own tickets. Things would be okay.

I let Jess know and she said their ETA was 1118. Which out was for a bit but then jumped to 1125. And we would finally get there, after being stuck in the line on the road to get in we would arrive at 1130.

We were going to try to link up so we could get the crib first but we were parked so far from each other so we would figure that out later. Instead me and James met Jess and her coworkers, Chuck and Emily at the gates.

I was feeling good. I was excited to just go and walk. And everyone let me just lead the way. Not that I had a destination in mind but I just wanted to walk and get the layout and see things. And it honestly worked out great.

It was warm today but not to bad. I was sweaty but it was the same sweaty I get at camp where I can mainly ignore it. Nothing to be done.

Jess, Chuck, and Emily wanted to get drinks. Chuck and Emily got mead and Jess got a bee sting. Which she shared with James. And we would go and find some snacks. We got fried Mac and cheese bites to share. We got 5 pieces so we each got one. Which was fun. They would have been improved by ranch dressing.

I think the one thing that would have improved today was more talking to Jess. But we were so much on the move and I think with the addition of the coworkers we were distracted. But I was just having a really nice time. Being with my favorite people.

We went to try honey. They had a cranberry one that was me and Jess's favorite. James would buy some buckwheat honey for cooking. And later when we went to pick it up (they let you leave it for pick up since it's glass and a little heavy) Jess would also get a jar of the cranberry honey.

I really wanted to find a new corset today. I've had the same white reversible one since I was 13. But I was slightly overwhelmed by options. I would check out every store that has them but I would wait until the very end of the day to actually pick one. We had a budget and I found ones much above and very below. But we ended up just in the middle which was really nice.

We would get fun drinks. James got a cherry limeade slush. I got a diet Pepsi. I would also get a broccoli cheddar soup bread bowl and Jess and coworkers got baked potatoes. Jess shared the baked potato with me. My soup was boring but her potato was great and I mixed a few spoonfuls into my bowl and that improved it greatly.

We would watch some shows. One was based off of Shakespeare but wasn't (?) Shakespeare. Unclear. But one of James's friends was in the show so that was neat.

I really wanted to play games today. I had given myself a little budget. And I would play the game where you smack a hammer to launch a rubber frog. I didn't get any points but I liked using the mallet. And then I played a game where I had to toss bean bag rats into buckets. I was also not good at that but I had fun.

I was in a great mood today. I was loving people watching. I was just having a lot of fun. We would take a cute little group picture. And walked the boardwalk. Me and Chuck went to the gem store to stick our hands into the buckets of crystals. It was great.

Eventually I found the place you can did the pan mining for gems and I got a bad of those and I ended up with some fun ones! A quartz. Tigers eye. Amethyst. Emerald. Some Jaspers. It was great. I'm going to frame those up I think. I may have another print box I can use in the studio.

The big thing we wanted to see today was the joust. Me and Jess usually go to the first joust. But today we were seeing the second one and that ended up being super fun for me. Cause it was different!

But we stopped for lemon sticks and fruit first. I got pineapple slices. Jess would give me the rest of her lemon stick once she was finished with it.

While we were getting our fruit James would go find some real food. They were the only one that hadn't had a real thing yet. They did get roasted cinnamon pecans, which they shared with me during the Shakespeare show. But they would go and get chicken on a stick and some potato wedges. And we sat on a bench near the joust to eat.

We would get a cute picture together on the lovers bridge. And I just felt so happy today. Secure in our relationship. I saw a couple have a screaming fight and it made me so sad. And I'm glad that our relationship has never been like that.

It was about 230 and the joust would be at 3. And we wanted to try and get seats in the shade. Which was a difficult task. The shade wouldn't actually come through until after 3 but I was able to lead us to the correct side of the field and they were pretty excellent seats. Even if the sun was killing us a bit for a while.

James would go and get us a rootbeer float to share. And Jess gave me her lemon stick. And soon the show started!

Our section was championed by Miguel. The forgotten prince of Portugal. And he did great. He won parts and it was very exciting. Keegan, who is our favorite, has better tricks in horseback, but Miguel was great and it was fun to cheer for him.

The game starts with large rings they have to catch. Then small. Then a course where they race each other. And then after a fake argument the joust starts.

But this is where it was different! The one rider plays dirty and cheats. And then everyone else leaves and came back very very dramatically on chariot! And there were sword fights on chariot! And then Miguel launched himself off the chariot onto the cheater! And then all of a sudden, during this sword fight, princess Luna comes back out and she has a gun??? And she shoots the cheater??? And I was like who gave Luna gun??!! And she sets up the storyline for the last joust of the day at 6 where there is a fight to the death between Miguel and the cheater. It was very dramatic and honestly the artistry of it was awesome. I loved the chariots. They kicked up so much dust but it was so cool looking. And by that time we were in the shade so we were all a lot more comfortable.

But the show was over. We would slowly make our way back to the markets. The main goals were to get the honey and find my corset. But we would do some other things too. We checked out the birds of prey. Jess liked the very small ones. I liked the one that sort of looked like a tiny vulture. She would also catch me up on some work drama. It was just nice to be together.

Jess wanted a juice. This would end up taking forever and I felt so bad that it was like the forgot about her order and then it ended up being mostly celery and it wasn't very good. Disappointing. She tried her best to drink it still but it was just not good.

While Jess was waiting with Chuck and Emily and James for her juice I went for a tiny walk to look at the corsets at a few shops over there. The first one was all Scottish stuff and they had absolutely beautiful pieces but they were all $345. And I would not feel comfortable with that at all. The other one I didn't like the textures and I felt like the staff was ignoring me.

I wandered a little and found a cart that sold hats and I decided I would get one when we were together as a group again. I wanted Jess's opinion on color and such.

I would get a pickle and brought it back to share with Jess. I only wanted a few bites. It was a very nice pickle but once I had had enough I gave her the rest and she was like amazing, I was trying not to eat all of your pickle. But that's why our relationship works so well.

I took them over to the hat cart and Jess and James helped pick the best color. And I felt very pretty in my new soft crown.

We would head to a book store that was next to the first corset shop. They had the best selection and I would have spent more time there when we checked it out the first time but it's very tightly packed and there were two many people in the way. But I got help from a woman who worked there this time. And she helped fit me and I found a black velvet one I really liked. I felt comfortable and like it could be used for lots of outfits and costumes. And it was way under my budget. I was very happy. And it went with my soft crown and I loved how my outfit came together today.

The last stop was to get the honey. James picked up their purchase and Jess got hers. But we were all done. Tired. Feet hurt. It was a long day. We were also all very dusty. So it was time to go. I made sure that me and Jess got a picture together. And then it was time to go.

We decided to meet at a gas station down the street to get the crib from her car to ours. And say final goodbyes.

We all struggled to get out of the parking lot. But we did beat them there. I had been pretty good all day but the walk to the car made me hotter then I had been all day and I stripped off a few of my layers. I was just very uncomfy. And pretty quickly I was not feeling the best. The air conditioning helped. Sipping water helped. But I was really excited to go home.

Me and James waited at the gas station. And when Jess got there we quickly moved everything and had hugs all around. She said she's excited to have me all to herself when we go to the beach in two weeks. And I absolutely agree.

We had a much easier drive home. James phone was almost all the way dead so we used mine and I was tired and just enjoying watching the scenery and listening to a podcast.

We got back here at 6. I was really happy to be back but when we got here poor Sweetp seemed so stressed he threw up right away. Just a little bit I was like. Poor baby.

I cuddled him for a minute. And James gathered themselves because they wanted to run to the grocery store and get gas for the car. But because their phone was dead they took mine and I had there's, just in case.

While they were gone I took a shower. Washed my hair. Noticed I had a blister on my foot. Ouch. Thankfully not to bad.

I went and got my tablet to watch a video and cut up a peach and sipped water. I was not feeling amazing in but I started to feel a little better.

James got home and I came downstairs to make a sandwich. They were doing some chores down there. They would make pasta. And eventually finished the laundry and came and joined me upstairs.

And that's where we are now. James is showering. I'm resting. I am very ready to go to sleep.

I am staying home tomorrow. And the plan is to have a nice lunch date with my husband and then we're going to the Halloween store. I really hope that all the energy I had today isn't totally zapped. We will see.

I hope you all had a great day. And that tomorrow is a beautiful one. I love you all. Goodnight!!