#where we wanna pursue each other romantically and other ways

[waluigisgaybf]

not my S/O walking up while Im trying to draw more nsfw shit on a page already full of nsfw and other suggestive bg3 sketches and in a sarcastic tone going “Wow I wonder if you’re horny, like- your arts really saying some shit right now- almost like it’s influenced by you and your brain- look at all that.”

I DIDNT EVEN HAVE A REPONSE MY ASS JUST NARROWED MY EYES AT THEM AND WENT “Perhaps.”

[howtotrainabraincell]

Yandere Assassin's Creed Head Cannons (……bc I can)

AN: The AC characters are different levels of Yandere depending on where they’re at in their journey. (Except Evie lol. She seems pretty tame to me, very passionate, but not as crazy as the male yandere's)

Think that Altair would be a crazier Yandere when younger but when he gets older, he calms down, due to gaining more confidence in the relationship (and gaining control of the Apple). As a young man he would be paranoid of his darling being hurt as a result of all the enemies that he has and keep her close or well protected at all times. Then when he's older he trusts her not to leave him and also how to stay safe, plus he's honed his skills for all of those years at that point and even has the Apple at his command to use how he so chooses...

Advice: Don't run from him. She shouldn't even try it because it's like this man knows her every move before, she makes it! He doesn't trust easy, and even though he loves her with everything he has, Altair does not trust easy. He would expect her to run, and he would also expect her to try and fool him into letting his guard down ⚔️ so she could escape as well.

Altair would be an easy Yandere to fall in love with imo. He would reign in the crazy (he would show it from time to time but nothing too much & he would never scare her 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♂️) and just try to be kind and sweet. He would have a hard time at first with this as he's not very in touch with his emotions at the beginning, but his charm and sweetness would win her over in the end. Over the years he would show more and more emotion, and eventually when he begins to trust her, he's just- SO SWEEEETTT 🥹😭🥹. (Possessive - it's cute tho - and he'll kill anyone who touches you, disrespects you, or tries to harm you...but so sweet)

Ezio would be the OPPOSITE of Altair. He would be more laid back in his younger days but get clingy, possessive and paranoid about his darling's safety when he got older. After everything that he's lost in his life and all of the death he's seen, he becomes overcome with terror at the thought of losing her because he loves her so much. 💗💗💗

Like Altair he falls in love hard, but unlike Altair, Ezio would (just a little bit) be a bit easier to fool because he would love and trust his darling so much. So, escaping him would be a bit easier, but he will find her lol he ain't gonna stop until he literally drops. He will have her, or he will have death! 💀 😂

Think he would be the kind of passionate Yandere where it makes her pull away because it's too much at first, but he keeps pursuing her and eventually she's wooed by him. However, if we wanna make it more dramatic and juicy...she could rebuff his advances, and he would pursue her from afar, slowing but surely worming his way into her life.

Have a head cannon of his love running from him lol. How would he react? How would he pursue her? How long would she be able to stay out of his grasp? Don't believe for a second that he would ever get violent or use force. But a tight bear hug, with sickly sweet words, as he picks her up his hold never once loosening, as he takes her back to the home, he's made for her? YES. This man is tall and built like an Italian gondola (those things are hard to sink & they don't take damage easy either trust me) so he can be physically intimidating and wrangle her with no problem.

Could totally see Evie as a Yandere falling in love from afar and being aware of what she's feeling but choosing to keep it lowkey instead of pursuing it. She's aware that some Assassins have found their soulmate through these... feelings she's experiencing, but she's also aware of the darker nature of these feelings.

Passionate and shy at first Yandere. She just ADORES her love and thinks the world of her. She'll be very respectful and is quite the romantic, when she first starts courting her darling. The flame never goes out with her, no matter how much time the two spend in each other's company or how many years they're together. She's quite shy at first due to never having expected her darling to be female, so she's not quite sure how to navigate a romance with another woman. But she's a quick learner...😏😏😏

Personally head cannon Evie having a female darling. It just...fits. A Victorian London romance between her and her darling? HEAR ME OUT...but the idea of a historically accurate and forbidden romance? Just SENDS me, okay? Plus, Evie is already an assassin so you know that woman can be sneaky and discreet.

Imagine that one day she just so happens to be near where her darling is (read: she stalked them from afar bc she doesn't want to scare them) and she sees her down the street. They both stop: Evie in terror because her love is LOOKING.AT.HER, and her love in curiosity before smiling at her. They look at each other for a moment before her love nods at her and turns to go into the store she was headed for. The elder Frye swears that her heart is going to beat out of her chest from excitement and nerves.

[redjadethewriter]

My take on Blank The Series:

Age Gaps, GL, and Trauma

To make a slow-burn romance interesting to watch, especially with age gaps, regarding WLW relationships, we need many elements.

First, we need a decent cast pair. Second, we need believable performances from the actors who play these complex emotional characters. Third, we need drama. We need a reason behind each action and dialogue exchange between the characters. This is where the story becomes important. We have the characters' story and the plot of the major stuff going down. The back story of the two main characters is the most important to flesh out more than the side or supporting characters.

I'm just going to say it: I'm impressed by the performance of the two actresses who gave life to these characters.

Lately, I've had several coronaries because Thai GL has turned me into a Junkie for their content more than my own countries' versions of sapphic relationships. And they are making age-gap relationships so much more compelling to watch.

The premise is as basic as it comes in terms of story arcs. Actually, I agree with some people that "Blank" and "Gap the Series" were gender-swapped stories. Usually, a wealthy older man falls in love with a young girl. So, now we have an older prominent woman falling in love with the young girl instead, but they made it more tender and somewhat light-hearted. I understand this is an adaptation of a naughty novel, which is fantastic. I write naughty, too. But the series is more tasteful. It focuses more on the crucial aspects versus the naughty.

By the way, I enjoyed the playfulness in both the shows. It's nice to have playful flirting involved versus extreme seduction right out of the gate. Both shows remind me how a romantic relationship or even pursuing a special someone can have a silly, playful approach. It doesn't have to always be serious and get to the sexy stuff. As an older Lesbian, I have a similar playful nature when I'm allowed to express it. Thus, I feel for the older characters willing to become playful with their much younger romantic partners.

However, there's one thing I can relate to since I'm in my late 30s. Is the extreme insecurity of being romantically involved with someone younger than you? In Blank the Series, the age gap difference is 16 years. I'm glad they raised the age bar because it would've caused a lot of issues.

It's funny because I was the girl in my early 20s who hooked up and dated older women in their 30s. The age gap was not 16, but 13 years between me and the older women I had short-term relationships with. So, watching the interaction between Khun Nueng and Anueng, oh my gosh, right way, I thought Khun Nueng was in trouble in so many ways.

Now that my position in life has switched and I'm a similar age to the women I used to date, I understand the complexities they went through. You just only know once you experience it for yourself. Insecurities around age are an enormous factor in reality and in this story. More than the woman loving women aspect or even the drama of others accepting the relationship. Really, the destruction comes from the older woman who can't deal with falling in love with someone younger than them. When you sprinkle trauma on top, with a side of keeping a facade or reputation, it can get chaotic super fast.

Not only did Khun Nueng become attracted to Anueng quickly, but she couldn't resist turning Anueng away, no matter what. The actress performed those rigid responses really well because, in reality, I would have to visit a chiropractor to break my body. The tension alone of repressing my desires would turn me into a ball of knots. Especially if I had no willpower to turn away the person. Ugh... I don't even wanna think about that. Because knowing my karma, something would put me in that position in life. I even resist dating any women in their early 30s. In the late 20s, I will say to the sky, "F***...Why me?" I'm like that anyway each time I fall for a woman. "Oh, f***...Why me?"

I have to sprinkle some satire on this topic because I can already see that the root of every decision and action Khun Nueng makes is based on that insecurity. Internally, she doesn't want to believe Anueng when she constantly says she only wants to be with her and loves her. It doesn't matter how often it's said; it is something that Khun Nueng must overcome regarding age-gap insecurities.

In the ending scene of episode 6, I reacted, "You totally just wanna keep piling on the torment, don't yah?" It's clear throughout the six episodes that she's in love with the girl. She can't even admit that she gets jealous. And oh my gosh, older adults' actions regarding jealousy are more diabolical than younger people. Actually, the older you get, the more sinister it gets. The passive aggressiveness turns up. Believe me... The sky is the limit on tactfulness and mind-f***ing when women get vengeful. Oh, my gosh... I still love women, regardless. LOL! Sweet as poison.

Khun Nueng's stoic demeanor is just a mask. She represses her emotions and vulnerability. Khun Nueng abides by stoicism, which rarely benefits emotional growth. We witness this when she refrains from showing anyone her weakness, so she doesn't cry in front of people, even at her grandmother's wake. When she finally ends up alone and breaks down, Anueng shows up, and Khun Nueng feels safe enough to break down in front of her. Which is hard to do that. I also have a stoic facade, so I recognize that bullshit a mile away, and I know exactly how hard it is to repress grief. Once it erupts, it hurts like hell, but I knew Khun Nueng was fully F*** because there's really no turning back with that kind of intimate exchange they had.

I can't wait for season 2 to see how that bites her in the behind.

Obviously, I don't want Khun Nueng to suffer anymore, but through her mistakes and emotional and mental anguish, she will learn what or who is truly important to her because she's dumb. Just because we are in our 30s or late 30s doesn't mean we are free from stupidity. She definitely needs to make better choices and stop playing so many mind games to protect her ego. She needs to learn to be more upfront about her feelings and wants.

Hopefully, we get that.

I have faith they will.

[bigdsgirl]

Live thoughts of Doctor Slump Finale

Because I don't I have the capacity to do anything else

If you open the cut and go "damn heidi chill", here is a summary of my reaction:

Warning: this will not be coherent. :)

THEY MAKING ALCOHOL TOGETHER! He wants to celebrate every moment with her!!! I am in LOVE!!!

HE MADE HIS OWN NOODLES!!!! Ba-da!! I am so proud of you!!!!

Lol Jeong woo, you know how to be too honest

omg y'all reliving the magical evening - same girlies, same

Ba-da's first PAYYYYYYYYYYYCHECK!!!! Proud of our lil worm <3

he wants to buy her meat!!!!!! stop!!!! as an elder sister, this is a MOMENT! and the photoshoot is everything. a plus.

boy time boy time! these two crack me up. truly besties forever

let's fight! fight to the death! ah yes, never change

I've been watching too much dune, that's all I could think about when I saw the patient

look at our girl! being a supportive professor <3

thoughtful boyfriend (husband of my heart)

oh no this man thinks she is gonna say yes

the HAIR FLIP I LOVE HIM!

oh wait wait wait so what was she gonna say if she found out about the US stuff AFTER talking about their date!!!

he is so babygirl <3 my PRINCESS i luv him

the honesty about his nerves! let's communicate!

SO SHE WAS GONNA SAY YES AJGKFLGDJALKGJd

oh fuck that's an amazing opportunity - she's gotta do it! she's gotta!

I want you to always follow your heart - I am deceased they are so amazing together

most mature drama (in the best fucking way ugh this makes me so happy)

and I know he is still stressed and freaking, but that his first move is to make sure she goes! gah!

LOL the VASE! THE STEAK! this man is dying a bit inside

he was made for this role, his monologues kill me! every time!

the worming on the bed LOOOOL

bestie cheer jeong-woo up! right! now! <3

the leave and let me be in the elevator and Dr. Bin's response -- i am in stitches!!

LETS FREAKING GO HONG RAN!! Baddie of the century!!! fuck yeah! the wink agjdlkfgjalkdfg

wait! girly! please! don't resign! where you going I love you putting Dr. Bin in his place! wait never mind she wants to travel, I support this <3

I am leaving to pursue my happiness! that's RIGHT!

sad puppy jeong-woo is everything to me. i just wanna squish his cheeeeeks!

oh the perfect words, just what he needed to hear.

these two are just giving me cavities LEFT AND RIGHT!!!!

they are so supportive of each other! they talk it out! they love each other! i LOVE THEM SO MUCH!

my dramatic prince - omfg they are sobbing together already lkajfgaldk;fgjadfklgj

oh wait they TOOK BACK THE OFFER???? oh wait that did not go where I thought it would.

oh girl you gotta blurt it out. TELL HIM NOW.

Jeong-woo is a water sign right ? as a big three triple water sign, he's GOTTA BE!

THE PARTY JAKLDFJGLKAF - this is gonna be hilarious. i love the flower on uncle's head hehehehe

the sad singing oh my god this is so funny

wait he SAW! omg! what! and the dramatics, silly gooses

I am so glad she advocated for herself - even if she didn't go her way and she was just expressing her frustration.

god they have grown so much, it's so beautiful to see

he took classes! my beloveds!

oh she's taking the test! and it's improved! oh I am so happy for her. what a beautiful journey we have been on together.

i love the message that getting better is not being happy again, it's about building strength and confidence that you can step through the difficult moments

oh Dr. Bin, don't dig yourself into a hole ya dumb dumb (love you though)

mother son bonding! love this

I am going to miss Ha-neul's mom so much. she is such a beautiful soul. 😭😭😭😭

I was wondering when my Kopiko ad placement would arrive, and A+ work

Hong-ran please, I can't take this romantic speech now. I am weak.

omg! Jeong-woo is opening his own clinic! omg HE TOLD HIM TO GO! I adore you sir.

these two have my heart.

FANCY CAR FOR MY FANCY MAN! Love it and him. ooooooooo sir you look fab in the fancy suit. bahaha, i love the switch to reality and how much happier he is! <;3

oh my, what a gorgeous clinic (working at a FQHC, our clinics so different lol)

WAIT WHO IS THIS GIRL???????????????????? omg. omg uncle get the girl let's freaking GO. wait. wait. oh my fucking god he opened this for HER? someone hold me, I am going to faint.

the little wave at her husband's grave, I am unwell.

Dr. Bin -- i'm sorry but oh my god what are you doing. his daughter just staring at him, i love it.

oh my god the photo of the four of them on her desk!!!! *screaming*

is the anesthesiologist gonna be a private detective?

aw man, he's gonna go work for our king jeong-woo, still dope tho.

WELL GO SEE THE SUNRISE NOW YA CUTIES!

*sobs at all these beautiful moments*

Jeong-woo, you are a better man than I, I would be spitting on that grave : )

what a gorgeous sunrise, what gorgeous beans!

WEDDING PHOTOSHOOT IS NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!! JGKLDAGFJDLAKFGJ

he's so excited to get his answer i love them

running on the beach??? bye. I will be dying now from all this love.

oh my god the photoshoot at all the spots important to them AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

in conclusion: i love them and i adore this drama.

[infuschia]

idk

hi guys i am so sorry for totally ghosting :/ i know that's the worst feeling with a fic you love and i'm so so sorry. i'm gonna be so straight up, i have had a WILD life from even before i started this fic up until right now - and although things are finally starting to take shape and calm down to say the least, i lost a lot of myself during that time. i grew in many ways as well, but i think there's just been a lot that happened to me over the past year or so that held me back from goals i have or the type of person i wanna become or whatever, and without going into detail, i cannot lie alot of it has been really really hard. i definitely used writing as an escape/coping mechanism of some sort for the negative feelings i was experiencing - and that can be super helpful for real plus i've BEEN in therapy lol, but i also still found myself retreating away from parts of my life that would have been good for me and my growth to pursue, and i can't be doing that anymore. as much as i fell in love with writing all this for you guys, it ended up taking up a lot of space in my mind as more of a distraction from my own setbacks and issues instead of being something wholly good for me, if that makes sense. unfortunately - THE MOST PAINFUL MIC DROP iamsosososorry - that distraction has had to end. some lowkey rock bottom moments forced me to take a better look at my life for what it really is AND for what i want it to be, and at this time i do need to step back from the false life i created in this story and step back into my real one. not that i was like living in my bedroom on my laptop or nothin LMAO i'm just sayin there have been some things i know now i can't continue with in the same way that i did before, in terms of what i spend my time and energy on. i can't say for sure that i'll never be back but i don't wanna be making any promises i can't keep. I LOVE AND APPRECIATE ALL OF THE LOVE SO MUCH OVER THE YEAR I SPENT WORKING ON THIS FOR YOU ALL i NEVER EXPECTED like anyone to read it so just every split second you even spent CONSIDERING this fic was just music to my soul and i again can't begin to describe how wonderful it's been hearing from you all and knowing that at least in some small way i was able to add a bit of joy to your lives. it's not goodbye, it's see you down the road - LMAO IGNORE MY MELODRAMATIC ASS SO SILLY but fr. over the summer i fell in and out of love and back again (MAYBE I SHOULD NOT SAY LOVE LMAO maybe lust and some feels LOLOL BUT MAN IDEK AIFSHJABJHD) with an old potential guy of sorts (have talked on and off for the last three years bruh hometown crush), and after all this time of never actually being upfront about what we thought of each other we were FINALLY honest with each other about how we felt on things, just before having to go back to school in different parts of the country - with a hope to see each other again down the road #romantic? #idek. i hope it works out with him, maybe my romantic ass is just bein delusional asf but i also just have that feeling that we'll find each other again when the time is right. and maybe just maybe i'll be back at this when the time is right - but all i know for sure is that, just like with this man-whos-not-my-man-but-may-just-be-one-day, right now i gotta focus on loving myself above all. THIS IS CRAZY SO MUCH WRITING I KNOW but i know how it feels to have a fic you like just drop off the earth so i guess better something than nothing, better late than never. SO so so much love forever and always. you guys all have my heart no matter who you are, where you are, or whenever you're reading this. LOVE YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH YOURE AMAZING AND KEEP ON BEING YOU CUZ THATS INCREDIBLE ON ITS OWN <3 <3 <3 see you down the road my friends xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[sugar-omi]

no bc i wish we did get more jealous Cove, bc he's relatively unphased by your relationship w/ Baxter, even if you have him at Crush for multiple steps and flirt w him at every opportunity. and maybe that's bc Cove would want mc to be happy either way, but like come on. i wanna see tension between Cove & mc when they start spending their 'final' summer together (last summer after high school) w/ Baxter instead of Cove. My fav route in the game is having Cove at a Relaxed/Crush for S3 (after hitting on him aggressively for ten years) only to then pursue Baxter randomly. Like I know that Baxter's path was written after the fact, but it's interesting to consider a route where the mc is too afraid of losing Cove to pursue a romantic relationship, if it feels like an overwhelming inevitability rather a choice, so they start to push him away a little more. I think Baxter in this light attracts the mc bc of the freedom and possibility he represents, something outside of the context of Sunset Bird & defined as Cove's other half. I'm a Cove truther, but Baxter!! There's something about him being a selfish choice for mc; where it's maybe lighthearted and less heavy in theory when you both know it's temporary/just for fun until they start in fall a little bit in love with each other by the end. Like Baxter being into MC's small town charm and sense of community when he's ghosted himself from his own past; being caught off-guard by how good it feels to be acknowledged and also how terrifying to be seen. Baxter knowing that's when he needs to leave less he disrupt the narrative where Jamie and Cove are soulmates and he's not supposed to be important in their story. I know this started off being about Cove, but Baxter!!! I wanna top him

first of all, same, that's my lil babygirl

and secondly YES

baxter being a bit in love with Jamie/reader and wanting to continue this outside of this one summer, but he sees the way cove looks at you with melancholy longing and looks at baxter distantly, painfully, sometimes it's more of a glare or sharp distaste.

so he leaves and let's you continue what you have with cove. after all you said you've been crushing on him for the last 10 years, and cove moved in first, baxter was always a temporary piece in your life. at least, he's suppose to be.

I just wonder if you can get over baxter, is every day waiting for cove worth more in one summer? mmmm

[dameronswife]

sometimes i just think about poe and it's like. i can't believe you mean this much to me? literally ahead of tfa i just kept scoffing at the descriptions of him, completely expected to be benevolently annoyed with him or meh at best and didn't understand why everyone went off abt how oscar was attractive (like i could tell objectively, but it's rare that i find someone subjectively attractive on a deep level), and then i just. saw poe for the first time on screen in theaters and that was it. instant attraction, and then a few minutes later realizing that oh, no i'm genuinely in love with this man. instant ride or die, we just clicked. i got him on a deeply intimate level just from those few minutes of screentime he has in the movie, that nothing about him following that ever surprised me? just. yeah that's him this makes sense.

and i remember writing what was absolutely self-insert masquerading as canon where r.ey was his best friend and i genuinely meant for it to be platonic but i kept accidentally writing a little bit something more and i genuinely think looking back on it that i probably had a crush and a squish on poe? and he may have started queerplatonic, leaning on alterous (if i'm understanding the term right). like it wasn't straight platonic because i genuinely had/have such a crush on him but it definitely wasn't straight romantic at the time either (and i still have moments where i'm like. yeah i'm definitely feeling qp feelings for him and not romantic ones). and then sometime in 2017, something I guess shifted and I wrote in an oc into that same fic who had a history with him and they both still had feelings for each other and they kissed at the end of the story but didn't wind up with each other, and then i started reading reader fic for him that same year and was like. oh I actually don't mind the idea of kissing him....i kinda wanna. and i also don't mind the idea of a relationship if it's with him, i even want it?

and like ofc things went sideways from there. i stopped reading fic bc my friend made fun of me for reading it and i felt like i was doing smth "wrong" and then the gaslighting of everyone hating him in t.lj when i didn't also severely impacted my ability to be able to enjoy him properly without trying to fold up my actual opinions to 'fit in' more and feeling anxious and not getting to enjoy it, but he was still such a cornerstone of comfort for me at the time. i even wrote my first reader fic in late 2018 to get some comfort from how awful things were in my personal life and it was of him. and then t.ros happened and the fandom got so toxic along w some friend stuff that my spin in poe almost broke (or so i thought), but like?? i spent the whole next year constantly drawn to things that reminded me of poe....read a book that was compared to the st and him a lot....bought a lot of orange things without thinking about it, developed a crush on a character that's like. basically poe with the serial numbers scratched off. all until i found my way back to him at the end of 2020 🥰 and after that i started embracing reader fic again and my romantic feelings for him and then lmao the physical/sexual attraction came in like a wrecking ball shortly thereafter which was New To Say The Least, but.

eeee i don't know i ended up gushing a lot about him but i just. sometimes i really think about the journey i've had with him, and how much good he's genuinely brought into my life. i get to feel all these emotions i never thought i would!! because of him!!! i get to explore new avenues that i wouldn't be interested in or comfortable in pursuing even mentally bc of him!!! he's helped me work through various triggers for my trauma bc they feel safe with him involved? and most importantly - i wouldn't know any of my lovely friends or partners if it wasn't for him? i stuck around in the fandom bc of poe, and that lead me right to my queerplatonic partners and family. i genuinely would not!! be the same person today if i had not fallen in love with that silly flyboy december 20th 2015!!! and isn't that just love in a nutshell?

[ladyxskywalker]

I'm glad we brought up Obi-Wan and celibacy into the discussions because i am well aware that George stated that Jedi do not have to be celibate at all, and that they are free to have fun and pursue their attractions. What i wanna mention though is that it doesn't really apply that every person is SW or Jedi thereof would indulge in this. I will go as far as to say one nightstands/hook-ups are not for everyone and that is totally fine. Obi-Wan in particular is interesting here because he really does seem like a person who loves very deeply, is extremely compassionate and caring almost to a fault!

I think it's not wrong to imagine him as someone who was celibate or has felt attraction of some but never acted upon it because it wasn't as important to him as his life missions and his life as a jedi thereof. Imagine Obi finding the right person but tragically as SW is, never being able to reach that next level of intimacy because such is life? cruel. But yes, i do think he would only allow to lose himself with the one he loves and then wonders how it really is to truly love someone and be free/. That's it, that's all i wanted to share, i do enjoy reading your thoughts on him so much, i think you write him so serene and true that i can never get enough.

Hope you're having a great day or night! <3

hi friend ! 🌸🌼✨️

hope you are having a nice relaxing weekend ☕️ xo

you are absolutely right, one night stands or hook ups may not be for everyone, (similarly when it comes to celibacy). abstinence may not be for everyone either. I think it all comes back around to personal individual choice, comfort level, mutual trust/respect, & responsibility. 🌸

when it comes to obi wan, I can't even begin to imagine how hurt he would feel if the possibility of ever sharing love or intimate affection with someone else never happened for him. thinking that maybe it would just be 'too late' or too risky because of the ongoing wars, or feeling like he's just 'too old' by then, or even the stigma surrounding trauma that our spirits are just 'too broken' to be even worthy of true love.

but for me personally, in life, & in this fictional sense as well, I firmly believe in love having the power to conquer all. whether that be in a romantic soulmate/life partner or a bond as strong as genuine friendship/companionship.

& maybe there is a world in the star wars universe where he is living out the rest of his life (semi ?) freely - perhaps prior to the events of a new hope ?

kenobi era obi or even old ben could have very much lived with a kind partner out on tatooine up until meeting luke !

they were just very good at staying hidden, doing their best each day to lead humble lives, loving each other in however way feels most right for them

nothing is really that impossible, when it comes to matters of the heart, the unexpected can surely happen wherever you may end up or go.

... 💌

[goodtimesyana]

continuing to think about why i find polyamory so insidious outside of the historical revisionism. like okay great dakota chiefs had multiple wives and that wasn't about sexual and romantic gratification or chauvinism it was a practical arrangement. and for mohawk the chiefs had to be married to demonstrate that they were capable of nurturing relationships. marriage is a sacred thing right. and polyamorists are generally incurious, and at the core of that model of relating is deficiency. they'll say, well, one person can't possibly meet all of your needs, so let's have multiple relationships with people, all of whom fail to meet needs that others do, and that's fine and that's human- but it almost always comes down to sexual needs. emotional needs and intellectual needs are easy to meet by having friendship and family and community, but sexuality is about connection, it's about the consideration of another's personhood. it's not just a thing that feels good, it's not like a handshake. i resent the neoliberal sex-positive outlook on sex as a physical act rather than an emotional one. i dislike the "queer" outlook that sexual novelty is integral to one's identity. i don't know why the polyamorist reaction to an unmet need is to urgently seek to have the need met with another person, rather than to investigate the need itself. is it a need at all? in seeking to meet this need, am i pursuing the most loving outcome for everyone involved here? can i meet this need myself? i don't think sexual needs are inseparable from emotional needs. if they are i think there's something wrong with you. at its core i just have the sense that contemporary polyamory is about evading connection and responsibility to each other. it's pure hedonism, it's all about sexual novelty.

in the world we used to live in, people were responsible to each other. we took care to preserve the things that we had and to mend them and to alter them, we were more cognizant of the craftsmanship of our clothing and our artwork, because we usually knew the craftsmen, and we loved them. there was not so much paranoia about connecting with and depending upon our neighbors. nobody was really looking at leaving relationships that "no longer serve" them as a viable option, and now we are, and maybe it's better that way sometimes- but i can't bring myself to see that idea as absolutely true or good. we have a responsibility to serve ourselves, and each other. that's a way that makes human beings distinct from other animals, is a sense of responsibility. if you've grown in a way your partner hasn't you don't have to look at it as outgrowing a relationship, that's only an issue if you see a relationship as an absolute arrangement. i think people should be committed and intentional, but we shouldn't be fixed in our expectations, they can change, they can expand and contract like breath, and that's something natural. it's like saying i'm gonna be with you and all of the people who live in your body with you until the end of the line if you'll let me. and if you don't wanna let me and you wanna shove me away and hurt me i'll love you anyways and i'll always be willing to look again. i'm not gonna punish you.

and it's a lonely way of looking at the world, because people are usually firmly in one camp or the other- either relationships are vessels for pleasure or they're solemn commitments. and the truth is that they're the center of the world, and they're living things, and they need a lot of care and a lot of patience, and we also have to relinquish control. that doesn't mean relinquishing hope or giving up on them when they become difficult, it just means that you can't become attached to specific outcomes, because you'll always be surprised by what you find. i want a life with you but i'm not attached to where we live or who we become. i just wanna be close to you. when i think about the future i wanna feel safe and warm and i want there to be quiet and comfort and curiosity. i don't wanna have to deal with your mistresses and have you thinking your infidelity is spiritually liberating.

[gravityfallsrewritten]

Chapter 12: Sacrifices for Your Sibling

"Whoa, what happened to you?"

Y/n let out a huge yawn as she trudged towards the living room. Even a single cup of coffee was useless to the hours of sleep she lost, so now she was on her 8th one. She faced Stan who was giving her a concerned look. "I had to stay up."

"And do what?" He raised an eyebrow at that.

"I was trying to come up with plans– you know, we really shouldn't talk about this in plain sight. Someone might hear," she said, lying on the yellow recliner as she closed her eyes. She placed the white mug on her lap, the heat not even affecting her. It was already 12 noon because she fell asleep at 7am.

Stan gave up. "Alright, fine. We'll talk about it later. Just look alive, your old man's trying to run a carnival around here."

Oh, yeah. The Mystery Fair.

A week after Pioneer Day, Stan realized that throwing a party wasn't enough. He needed more money, and what better way to get it than to entertain the locals with an amusement park? Not only were half of the games rigged, but the majority of the rides were rickety and scuffed, so Stan is taking a risk here because an accident could result in someone suing him, causing him to lose a lot of money.

Speaking of Pioneer Day, the event was excruciatingly painful for both Stan and Y/n, but the twins kept it interesting. Dipper was determined to humble Pacifica's entire family after she made fun of Mabel in front of everyone.

It was difficult to remain clueless, and Y/n had no idea how she managed to do so in the first place. She accompanied them as they investigated the clues and deciphered the codes that Mabel's silliness had unintentionally solved. It eventually led them underground, where they discovered Quentin Trembley, the 8th and 12th President of the United States.

The bunker held secrets that Y/n had never known about. After years of being uncrackable, the historical document was cracked thanks to the twins, until they were pursued by cops. Y/n was terrified by the sight of the police. She doesn't want anyone, especially the government, interfering with her portal plans.

"Oh, Y/n," Stan spoke, taking her out of the flashback. He took out a clipboard of papers before tossing it in her direction. "I almost forgot, go slap these certificates on the structures outside at the fair. The twins are already doing that."

"If they're already on it, why do I need to do it."

"Because they might suspect that you get a free pass at everything. Act like you work with them."

Y/n grumbled something under her breath as she used the clipboard to cover half of her face. She closed her eyes for a brief moment once Stan left the room. She let out a deep sigh as she mustered the strength to follow through Stan's advice. With one final exhale, she stood up and walked outside the backdoor to see the ferris wheel. Now where did he get the budget to get that? She thought they were out of money.

"Y/n, hey! Did you just wake up?" Mabel ran towards her with a huge smile on her face.

"Can you tell?" she answered. She had already washed her face and all, but it all really fell into the deep bags under her eyes. She yawned. "What's happening?"

Mabel gleamed. "Oh, well the fair is about to open! Wanna come with me and buy some cotton candy?"

"Sure. Where's Dipper?" she asked while the two were on their way at a cotton candy stand.

"Oh, you know. He's with Wendy, getting all romantic at the fair," she replied, wiggling her shoulders.

As if on cue, Y/n saw Dipper and Wendy talking with mystery dogs in hand. The way they laughed and enjoyed each other's company made her feel something she's never felt before.

"Could you be any more obvious?!"

Y/n snapped out of her thoughts, face turned to Mabel who was giving her a look. "What?"

Mabel didn't even pause or hesitate. "You have a crush on my dorky brother over there!"

"I don't think he's dorky. I actually think he's really intelligent," she noted, not even noticing the way she's speaking or acting right now.

"Oh, Y/n. You're head over heels in love with him!"

"What does that even mean?" Y/n asked, "I just said that he's smart. It's not like I spend most of my time thinking about him! and his eyes... his unkempt hair... and his... unwashed clothes...."

Mabel laughed uncontrollably, wiping the tears that were coming out of her eyes. "Oh, you're too sweet, Y/n! And for the record, Dipper is a dork! He's as dense as a rock for not even seeing the way you look at him."

She felt her knees going jelly. Slight panic went over her. "It really is obvious, huh."

Reassuringly, the other twin draped her arm around her shoulders. "Yeah, but not to him! Guess he's obsessing over someone else for him to notice."

The two watched as Dipper and Wendy laughed at another joke, making Y/n hum.

Mabel frowned. "I'm... I'm sorry, Y/n," she said dejectedly, patting her back. "It's gonna be alright, but cheer up!" She leaned down and brought her voice into a low whisper. "Don't tell anyone this, but you and Dipper are a more perfect match than him and Wendy anyway! You both share the same nerdy interests!"

Y/n wanted to shake away Mabel's futile attempts of trying to cheer her up. She doesn't like this emotion that felt so foreign to her. "Thank you, Mabel, but it's fine. It's just a silly summer crush. I'm sure I'll get over it soon."

She didn't believe that statement for one second. "Don't worry, Y/n. Whatever happens, I'll be right here, supporting you every step of the – OH MY GOSH, A PIG!" Mabel screamed in delight, quickly sprinting towards the sign and following its arrow, leaving Y/n in the dust.

"But what about the-?!" Y/n called out to her, but she was long gone.

"Your cotton candy, miss." The man handed her two orders, but the other was supposed to be for Mabel who has since disappeared. She can't eat all of these by herself, not when she hasn't even had a proper breakfast yet.

Her feet led her to Dipper, who, after dealing with Robbie's annoying attitude, was feeling a little bit shaken. "What was that about?" Y/n asked after Robbie made his leave. Wendy was nowhere to be seen.

"Ugh, it's Robbie," he spat out his name like it was venom. "He kept blabbering about his new ripped jeans like it's worth a Nobel prize. I got to get him away from Wendy somehow."

Y/n pondered. "Well, I'll leave you to it then." She handed him the other cotton candy. "Good luck, Dipper."

She left him alone after that. After walking a few steps, she saw a toddler walking around and decided to give him the other stick that she had. Her appetite wasn't in the mood for sugary sweets anyways.

Meanwhile, Wendy finally returned from cleaning the mustard stain off her sleeve. The two walked around the fair, until the redhead noticed a huge stuffed toy by one of the game stands. It was one of those hit the bottles kind of games, but Wendy was more interested in the prize. "I don't know if it's a duck or a panda, but I want one."

Dipper's brain geared at the sound of that. The thought of him getting Wendy something would sound as sweet as the cotton candy that he just ate. That really gave him such a rush. He brought out a ticket and gave it to the man. "One ball please."

"You only get one chance."

He turned to Wendy, who gave him a thumbs up, and that's all he needed to want to win this game. He couldn't wait to see her smile after he got this prize. "And a-one, and a-two, and a-" he threw the ball with all his might.

It didn't hit any of the bottles. Instead it bounced off the wooden table and flew towards Wendy, hitting her right eye.

"OW! My eye!"

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Wendy, are you okay?"

She breathed. "Does it look swollen?"

Her eyelids were closed as it formed a bruise, giving it a painful dark purple hue. Dipper tensed up, panicked. "Everything's going to be fine!" He didn't know whether he was assuring Wendy or himself. "Don't worry, I'll– I'll go get some ice!"

Dipper ran in the other direction, going to where he knew there would be ice, which was at the entrance of the gift shop where there was a cooler beside the door. He quickly opened it, taking a bag of ice and was back to running again.

He glided around the crowd. "Where is she, where is she?" He muttered under his breath. He finally saw her within meters, until he suddenly bumped into a rather large man wearing a gray jumpsuit. The two collided against each other, making Dipper drop the bag. Ice scattered all around as he scurried to pick them up. He glared annoyingly at the man he bumped into. "Hey- watch where you're going, man!"

The guy didn't say anything, just picked something up before dashing away.

It took a moment for Dipper to pick all the ice back into the bag before lifting it up and carrying it towards Wendy, but she wasn't alone anymore.

"Alright, ease your eyeball into that freezy cone."

Robbie's voice filled Dipper's ears, making him freeze.

Wendy smiled gratefully. "Robbie, thanks. It's really sweet; the gesture, and the flavored syrup."

"Yeah, I was just here in the right place and the right time."

Dipper felt immense guilt upon hearing that, and he clutched the ice bag tightly.

Robbie began fiddling with the string of his hoodie. "You know, I've been meaning to ask you. We've been spending a lot of time together, and I was wondering if...maybe... you wanna go out with me?"

The boy was trickling with anxiety. He felt cold; not just from the ice bag close to his chest, but also the nervousness that coursed through his veins.

Wendy contemplated for a bit before answering with a, "Yeah, I guess so."

"Sweet!"

Dipper was frozen in horror as he felt his heart-shaped balloon pop, which was the game behind him. "One more balloon, miss!" Someone said, but Dipper couldn't hear anything. It was deafening silence as his pupils dilated and his mouth was agape.

"Look, Dipper, I won my pet pig!" Mabel arrived with the chubby mammal in her arms. "His name is Waddles. I call him that because he waddles! Waaaaddlesss!"

"Everything is different now."

Mabel, who was always unconscious to what else is happening around her, asked, "What are you looking at?"

Dipper weakly pointed at the new couple who were on their way to the Tunnel of Love and Corndogs.

"Oh..." she trailed off. She looked at Dipper to see if he was okay. He was pretty much still out of it. It felt pretty devastating to watch your crush accept your rival's halfhearted confession.

He had laid at a slopey toss game for the whole afternoon, sighing defeatingly every once in a while. Mabel was the opposite, raving to her brother how she was so lucky to have won her new playmate (and soulmate) Waddles.

"I mean Wendy only went out with Robbie because he was there with the ice," he began to ramble, "and she only needed ice because of the baseball, and I would've had the ice if it wasn't for..." he gasped once he saw the familiar guy from earlier, "that guy!" He walked towards him. "Hey, you! Toolbelt! You ruined my life!"

"Huh?" the man turned around, acting confused.

Dipper pointed an accusatory finger. "Don't 'huh' me! I've seen you before! What's your deal? Are you following us around?"

"And why are you bald? What's that all about?" Mabel asked, following suit.

The gray jumpsuit-wearing man was startled, panic settling in his veins. He screamed momentarily. "My position has been compromised! Assuming stealth mode-" he started pressing buttons on his watch, making his suit change into different backgrounds. "Color match! Initiating color match!" His suit glitched, and couldn't seem to follow what he wanted. "Come on, dang it!" He gave up, taking out a red screwdriver, and tried to fix it.

"That's amazing!" Mabel said with a large grin. "Are you from the future or something?"

The guy introduced himself as Blendin Blandin, Time Anomaly Removal Crew year twenty sñeventy-twelve. He was here for the mission to stop a series of time anomalies that are supposed to happen at this very location, but he couldn't seem to find it.

Dipper eyed the tape measure looking device that was supposed to be Blendin's time traveling mechanism. He wanted to borrow it, but he had been rejected, so he had to find another way.

He watched as Blendin tiredly wiped the sweat off of his bald head. His hair was burned off from traveling through time too much.

"You know, you sound like you could use a break," Dipper suggested.

Thankfully, Mabel understood what her brother was trying to do. "Definitely, definitely. Might we recommend one of the various attractions at the Mystery Fair?" She presented two tickets.

After much contemplation, Blendin stood up with pride. "You know what? What the heck! I'm worth it!" He was still eerily suspicious of the twins knowing that they're after the time tape.

He approached one of the rides. Rusty Barrel Rodeo. Blendin gave his ticket to Soos, but Soos stopped him from going. "Uh, sorry dude, but you're gonna have to take your belt off for the ride. One of your tools might fly off and accidentally fix something."

Blendin felt slightly aggravated having to leave his utility belt to this random guy, but he really wanted to ride this so he took it off and placed it on the barrel. "Guard it with your life."

"I will watch it like a hawk, dude."

Blendin got on the ride, having the time of life, while the belt that Soos was supposed to be guarding had disappeared.

Meanwhile, Dipper and Mabel were at the dining table, gazing at the gadget laid on it.

All the possibilities lie on this very simple accessory. If they change the past, they can change the future. Even the slightest amount of revision can result in a disaster– or a good thing. Is it a risk that they're willing to take?

For Dipper, his sole focus was to prevent Wendy from going out with Robbie. Mabel, however, plans to spend more time with Waddles, and if possible, string Y/n with her.

It was easy operating the gadget. You just pull the tape to a number of hours you prefer, and let it go– like a common measuring tape. Dipper did exactly that, and the two were sent back to 6 hours ago, when the carnival was recently opened.

The two blinked their eyes, adjusting to their surroundings. Nothing changed. They strided to the door and opened it, the sun shining on their faces. Stan had just announced over the megaphone that it's 12 o'clock. Dipper and Mabel looked at each other with knowing grins.

"Do over?"

"Do over!"

They both ran off to their respective goals; Dipper's being wanting to win the game for Wendy, and Mabel's being wanting to win Waddles.

Meanwhile, Y/n glanced around her surroundings, trying not to appear suspicious. She's been winning games easily, giving away the prizes to little children. She had been eyeing a particular stuffed animal for a while now, but she's saving it for later.

The coast was clear, and she made her move. As casual as possible, she walked back to the Shack. She could still hear Stan's mocking laughter echoing in her ears when she entered through the back door.

Her eyes wandered around the rooms. No one had an appropriate reason to be here anyway, so she nimbly tip-toed up the stairs until she reached the second level. She gazed at the wooden door that led to the attic, her palm wrapped around the knob.

Opening it, her look immediately fell on the twin's bed. Naturally, it should be lying there, specifically on Dipper's bed, but it wasn't. Y/n stepped inside completely, closing the door. She glanced back briefly, hoping that no one barged in.

That would be embarrassing.

She quickly scanned the entire bedroom, careful not to touch anything. Mabel could care less if her side was messy, but Dipper could be different. He could be very observant, he could notice the slightest change.

Y/n crouched down, peeking under the bed. She wondered if it was there. If she was Dipper, where would she hide it?

After minutes of searching, she figured she should make her escape before someone would notice her. Before leaving, she looked around one last time.

She closed the door with a sigh. The journal wasn't there, her search was thorough. Unless there was a secret hatch in this house that she doesn't know– which is unlikely. She's the only one who knows the insides of this Shack.

Dipper's heart soared as he and Wendy laughed, having finished another round of The Tunnel of Love and Corndogs. "That was even more awesome the third time around!" She gasped and pointed at a random stall. "Funnel cake! Let's go get some, Dipper!" She ran off. Dipper began to follow until he heard screaming from a distance.

"AAAAAAA!" Mabel frantically waved her hands.

He paused. "What's wr-"

"AAAAAAAAAA!"

"Mabel, wha-"

"AAAAAAAAAA!"

"I'll just wait until you're done."

"I'm done." Mabel frowned.

"Okay," Dipper started, "what is wrong?"

"We messed up the timeline! Pacifica saw the flier and won Waddles before I did!" the other twin rambled, "she took Waddles, Dipper!"

"Oh, Mabel, I'm sorry." Dipper genuinely felt bad. It's a rare occasion to see her sister getting sad as she always managed to fix everything with a scratch-n-sniff. But this is something even a sticker couldn't fix.

Mabel sighed, feeling tense. "It's okay. We just need to go back-" she grabbed the time device from Dipper's hands, "-and do things differently."

"Mabel! Wait," Dipper snatched the time machine back. "Look. I did the math. In any other timeline, Wendy ends up going out with Robbie. I can't mess up this day again!"

"But if we don't go, then I'll lose Waddles forever!"

The twins fought for the time gadget, trying to pull it apart, causing the tape measure to fall and get caught inside the moving corndog car. The tape was pulled a long way before it was withdrawn back to Dipper and Mabel who fell on the ground.

It brought them back to the early times, approximately 150 years, and the next destination was an even earlier time when dinosaurs were still alive. Still fighting for the time machine, the two accidentally sent themselves to the future where there was this great apocalypse. Mabel got a hold of the time gadget, finally, and tried to run away from Dipper.

She pressed the buttons and it only sent them back to previous occasions in the summer. One was when they went fishing, the next was the wax museum, and the next was the gnome tragedy. The same shack with snow falling around it was the last place they landed in when the time device was overheating.Mabel juggled it around like it was a hot potato.

"What did you do?!" Dipper accused.

"I don't know!" Mabel answered honestly. The tape measure emitted sounds like it was about to explode, and suddenly bright blue electricity had burst, zapping the two back.

Someone went to his front door after turning on the lights. He opened it to find nothing but the same expanses of snow that covered the woods. He took another look around before closing the door completely.

The twins found themselves in a very dark place. All they saw was black. They began screaming, panicking because they thought they were transported to the end of time.

"Wait, why does it smell so bad in here?" Mabel asked out loud.

She reached in front of her and felt something. She pushed the wall and it opened. Turns out, the twins were inside a porta-potty all this time.

They adjusted their eyes to the bright sun. "Hey, look, we're back in the present!" Mabel said.

"But which present?"

Looking around, they saw Wendy still gushing over the stuffed creature. "This is the best present ever!"

Dipper beamed, "Yes!"

Meanwhile, Pacifica was struggling to pull poor little Waddles by the leash as the pig squealed and thrashed around.

"No!' Mabel exclaimed before attempting to get the time machine back. The two ran around until Dipper stood on top of the porta-potty and Mabel was unable to reach him. "Give it back, Dipper!"

"It's over, Mabel! Give it up! I've worked too hard to lose this!"

"But what about Waddles? He was my soulmate!"

Dipper pulled his brown hair in frustration. "You said that about a ball of yarn once! Do you really want Wendy to date Robbie?"

Mabel looked up at him with a conflicted expression, her eyes brimming with tears. "I don't know," she muttered weakly. Shakily, she brought up the polaroid of her and Waddles before silently walking over to the giant totem and placed her forehead against it.

"You're not guilt tripping me, Mabel. Not this time."

She didn't pay no heed, just continued banging her head against the wooden pole.

Dipper tried to pull her out of it, tried to coerce her, but nothing had work. Even if it took a day, a week, an entire month! (He used the time machine to prove it.) Mabel was still found standing there as her body was slowly getting crawled with weeds and vines.

He watched with furrowed eyebrows. The pig really means this much to her. He could stand missing this chance with his crush but not so much seeing his sister get depressed for the rest of the summer.

So with a defeated sigh, Dipper pulled back the tape, stopping at the specific time before letting go.

Dipper and Wendy walked towards the fated game.

"I don't know if it's a duck or a panda, but I want one!"

He sighed, anticipating the expected outcome. "Wendy, I just wanted to say that," he began. He wanted to utter his final words before he lost her, "well I just wanted to say that people make mistakes, and when they do, you should forgive them. And also that tight pants are overrated."

"Dude, you lost me."

"I know," Dipper sighed out again. He turned to the carnie and presented his ticket. "One ball, please."

"You only get one chance."

This time, Dipper lamely tossed the ball without any effort. Because no matter how many tries, it always ended in the same result.

Wendy yelped again, the ball having hit the same right eye. "Ow, my eye!"

And right on cue, Robbie the disease entered the scene. "Hey, Wendy, are you okay? You know this is the perfect time for me to ask you something..."

Dipper looked away. He couldn't bear to watch. "It is done."

Someone cleared his throat behind him. He turned around and saw Y/n with her hands behind her back. "Hey," she said, smiling.

"Hey," Dipper replied, trying to mimic her smile, but with the heartbreak, he just couldn't have the strength. "How's it going?"

"I won you something."

She brought her hands from behind and tossed a stuffed animal his way. He caught it with ease and gazed at the creature. "A stuffed owl? I- I love owls." He looked up at her. "Y/n, you shouldn't have."

"Well, considering I've been winning the rigged games for the sad kids who couldn't win... you don't have to thank me."

She had seen this exact scenario in her mind. Her giving this stuffed owl specially for Dipper In fact, she's imagined it over and over. She always meant to give the toy.

All of a sudden, Dipper was tackled by his twin's brutal hug. "Dipper! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!" Waddles was sitting beside them, letting out a happy sound. "He's saying thank you in pig! Aren't you, Waddles?" Waddles repeated the same noise.

Y/n watched with an amused grin. They could be so silly sometimes, but no one could mistake that they are the sweetest pair.

"I couldn't break your heart, Mabel," Dipper said. He kept the owl from touching the dusty ground. "Besides, there's no way Wendy can date Robbie all summer, right?"

"YOU TWO!"

The trio looked at the bald guy who was pointing an accusatory finger specifically at Dipper and Mabel. His yell was so deafening that it made them scream in fear. He snatched the time machine back.

"Do you have any idea how many rules you just broke?! I'm asking; I wasn't there with you... it was probably a lot, right?"

"Blendin Blandin..."

Two men appeared behind him in a flash. Their outfits looked high-tech, like they were from the future.

Blendin let out a hysterical shriek. "The Time Paradox Avoidant Enforcement Squadron!"

"That's right, and our phones have been ringing off the hook! There were settlers high-fiving in the 1800's and calculators littered through eight centuries!" The guy, whose name was Lolph, scolded.

Dundgren spoke next. "You're under arrest for violation of the Time Traveler's Code of Conduct."

The two grabbed Blendin, who was scrambling for an explanation. He shakily yelled, "I-It was those kids! And their leader, Waddles!"

"That's a pig, Blendin."

Blendin turned to the twins with vengeance in his eyes. "I'll get you for this! I'll go back in time and make sure your parents never meet!"

Dipper clutched the owl closer to his chest as he grinned to his sister. "Well, we're still here."

Mabel smiled back. "Guess he forgot to go back. Aww, look, Dipper! I'm booping Waddles' nose to your owl's nose!"

"Hey!" He pulled back, wiping the residue off the felted toy. "Aw, man. Now his nose is wet."

Mabel narrowed her eyes. "Wow, this stuffed animal really means a lot to you, brother," she said, raising her eyebrows knowingly at the person behind him, who was slowly getting flushed.

Y/n repeatedly made a 'cut it out' motion as her gaze was tense.

Dipper ignored Mabel's teasing as he gazed at the owl's purple eyes, a dorky grin on his face. It was such a rare occurrence that he received a gift, yet his heart skipped a beat at the thought. He'll cherish this gift forever.

***

CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 13!

MASTERLIST

BLF NZWV NV UVVO ORPV Z DRMMVI.

[vsa-pieldepapel]

how do you picture Dess and Asriel?

I don’t think of them much yet cause we know very little aside of the fact they exist and I dont wanna get too attached to imaginary ideas of what they may be like but I like dessriel purely because the idea of holidays and dreemurrs being drawn to each other (dessriel, kriselle, asgore and Rudy’s bromance) is so funny to me

I do see Dess as an interesting posit for an analysis I make that ties directly into The Suselle Rant I Avoid Doing Cause I Don’t Want To Deal With Unhinged People, and it’s here:

I hc the holidays exemplify one of the quintessential difficult family dynamics, going merely off rudy’s dialogue about noelle and mama holiday, and noelles dialogue about her mom when she gets locked out of her house. And with Dess being gone for whatever reason, noelle is left in this weird position where she assumes both the role of the golden child and the scapegoat. I don’t think mama holiday is aware of how hard she is by the way, nor do I think she doesn’t care about her children that honor is for Susies mother but she does, accidentally, pressure them and act in aggressive ways to them, especially Dess being the older kid. With her gone the difficult dynamic and her inappropriate behaviour reach boiling point, because grief does things to people And this leads to a pattern of repeating behaviour which would make Susie and Noelle have a really dysfunctional relationship because of the coping methods each of them has adopted to survive with their dysfunctional families growing up- and Noelle, because of her mother and father, is set to be an enabler to violence like her dad, since her trauma defense mechanism is fawning (this is so obvious) and she has her father as a model for how being hard on your partners and children is ok and normal, romantic even. We already see her idolising and desiring being degraded by Susie, who uses intimidation as a protection/defense mechanism, aka the fight response, not the fawning response. They would spiral, destroy each other and break up spectacularly after a honeymoon period Let’s get back to Dess!

I think when Dess and Asriel are hanging out as tweens, kris and Noelle are nearby all the time. As I said I enjoy dessriel kinda and From what we know in canon about Dess I like to believe she confides in Asriel thoughts that are quite similar to those she shares with Noelle about the big city, and that in part excites him about the idea of college. I see Dess as more adventurous than Noelle, referencing scapegoated children lashing out and fighting back rather than fawning and pleasing like golden children do. She just wants to go away very far, escape it all, somewhere better. (Teen angst probably makes the feeling even sharper)

I think as the older child she also felt responsible for Noelle and getting her out of the toxic nucleus and that’s why she also told her she wanted to go far and go to the big city and have adventures… and that’s about all I have on Dess. Im waiting for canon to tell us more about her and Azzy. I do think the grief hit Asriel pretty hard, and college is a way he honours her, as well as pursuing his own dreams, but again this is like purely headcanon timeline stuff. Maybe he is over the grief at this point simply because whatever happened was years ago, but he still thinks back to their time together fondly.

[thefanficmonster]

Deep Breaths

Valkyrae x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Panic Attack, Mentions of past domestic abuse, Mentions of alcohol and drug abuse, Swearing

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst to Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having received a call from the correctional facility where their alcoholic/drug addict mother is being kept, Y/N gets some intense nightmarish flashbacks to a time that still haunts them despite a decade having passed. Luckily their girlfriend Rae is there to comfort therm.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your lovely request, I hope I captured what you wanted to read! Sorry it has taken me so long to complete and post the fic, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Love, Vy ❤

“Hey Y/N, I-“ One step in the living room and that’s all it took for Rae to pick up on the melancholic mood in the room. 

Her partner hasn’t even noticed she’s entered. Instead, they are sitting hunched over on the couch, elbows on knees, hand seeking their hands’ support to stay upright and their eyes hiding a thousand yard stare that’s got Rae worried sick.

“Babe, what’s wrong?“ She asks softly, inching closer to the couch to take a seat next to Y/N, “You can tell me anything, you know that, right?“

Through the fog surrounding their brain, they somehow manage to catch onto Rae’s words, forcing themself to give her at least a nod in response as to not scare her with their unresponsiveness. They can’t bring themselves to speak, it’s too hard on them to even think of what to say let alone spit it out, especially when their chest feels like it’s caught fire and their mind is still going haywire, heartbeat thumping in their ears as the adrenaline rush refuses to cease.

“Hey, look at me...“ Instead of sitting down, Rae ducks down in front of Y/N, taking their hands in hers, almost wincing at how cold they were. “Tell me what’s bothering you, baby.“

The girl is trying her best not to freak out or lose her cool, despite her already quickened heartbeat she can hear in her ears. She has every right to be reacting the way she is. Her permanently happy, bubbly, optimistic and cheerful partner who always seems to be as energized as though they’d just had a gallon of coffee is now a pale ghost sitting statue-still, staring off into the void with eyes that look empty yet terrified simultaneously.

Y/N’s mouth falls open as though they want to say something but the words die out somewhere along the way, refusing to leave their mouth and give them the relief of sharing their pain with the only person they trust limitlessly.  “I-...“ They finally manage to find their voice though their gaze is still avoiding hers, “I got a call from the correctional facility where....” They trail off, a bitter taste forming in their mouth, making their stomach turn and bite the inside of their cheek as they feel the urge to throw up start to become unbearable. “She wants to s-see me...”

They don’t need to say anything else, Rae’s already connected the dots and her complexion has gone just as pale as theirs. She knows how sensitive and triggering this topic is for Y/N, how many bad memories are tied to this one person in their life. To make matters worse, they’re the one person who was supposed to take care of them yet she couldn’t even take care of herself - Y/N’s mother.

Rae distinctly remembers the night Y/N told her the truth about their family life - or the lack thereof - almost a year since the two had started dating. Rae never questioned their secretiveness and respected their privacy enough not to ask about it, patiently waiting for them to tell her on their own time and own terms. It was no secret even from the very start that Y/N had a very hard time connecting to people and trusting them. It took them maybe two or so months to be able to call their now-girlfriend a friend instead of an acquaintance. Rae didn’t question that too, didn’t push to pursue a friendship with them since, from her point of view, they were already her friend, so she patiently waited for them to come around and start trusting her enough to accept her within their tightknit circle of trusted people called ‘friends’. 

Things progressed from purely platonic to sweetly romantic a little more quickly which pleasantly surprised Rae. The two were quick to grow to be inseparable though that didn’t mean Y/N gave up all their secrets. The darkest one, which happens to be this one regarding their mother, is the one they hid the longest and the last one they had to share with their girlfriend.  The night they did tell it was a very emotional one: plenty of tears were shed by both Y/N and Rae but luckily they had each other’s embrace to seek comfort in and protect themselves from the ghosts and demons of a past Y/N spent so much time running away from.

An abusive parent is not a bit of baggage you can just get rid of. It’s something that weighs so heavy on you and is such a big part of who you are that you can feel it as a part of you. It haunts you no matter how much you try to run or hide. It’s not something you can shake off or forget. You might have physical and visible scars from the time spent with said parent or the trauma can be entirely psychological - regardless, it lives within you. Follows you around, raises questions you’re not sure you want answered, degrades you - making it seem like what happened was your fault in one way or another - it destroys you slowly very time something triggers a memory of that time, be it a simple conversation that has nothing to do with the subject or be it the glimpse you accidentally catch in the mirror of a scar on your body - a scar you remember being inflicted on you like it was yesterday.

That’s how Y/N’s been living. Feeling responsible, feeling unloved, feeling chained to their past. They’ve done all in their power to appear unbothered and let it be visible, not even when around Rae since they don’t want to worry her.

But seeing as their past has caught up to them now and they inevitably have to face it, they’re forced to let it show, they couldn’t hold it in even if they tried. Although they don’t wanna play the unbothered, unfazed part any longer. They have been strong on their own for far too long and it’s taken a toll on them. If they keep up with the act, they’ll be completely and utterly crushed.

Not that they’re feeling any better at the moment.

“Stay with me, Y/N. Stay with me. Keep your eyes on me, ok? Take deep breaths. Deep breaths, baby. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. It’s ok. You’re ok.“ Their short-circuiting brain has been spasming under the influence of the adrenaline, anxiety and panic brought on by the memories of every time they felt small and helpless while at the merciless hand of their alcoholic, drug addict abusive mother, begging to be spared the pain of being hit with whatever object the deranged woman could get her hands on - yet somehow, Rae’s voice still reaches them through all that messy dark fog. “Come on, Y/N, stay with me ok? Please don’t do this, I’m right here, there’s no need to be afraid,”

“I...“ they can barely hear their own voice over the racing of their heart, “I don’t...I don’t wanna go....“ is all they manage to say, a tear falling from their eye.

“It’s ok, we don’t have to go. We won’t go. Your mental health is the most important thing here, Y/N. We’re not going and that’s final.“ Rae replies vigorously, tightening her hold on Y/N’s hands.

Despite the state they’re in, Y/N can’t help but take notice of the use of the word ‘we’, Rae’s reminder that they are not alone, that she’s there for them and will not let them go into this alone. That brings a small smile to their face, calming their heart and panic ever so slightly, “N-no, I have to. It...it’ll help me.” They sigh before attempting to express themself again, “It’ll give me...closure, I guess.”

Seeing that Y/N’s doing a bit better, Rae’s hand move to cup their face instead, pushing the stray strands of hair away for their features to be full exposed to her, especially their eyes, “Are you sure you want that? Can you handle it? It’s not supposed to be your obligation, Y/N. I mean, the woman’s a monster and she hasn’t even thought to contact you in half a decade, and now she suddenly wants to get back in contact? She has the audacity to disturb you after all this time? You don’t have to agree to this, Y/N.”

Y/N shakes their head, “No, no, I want to. I want to agree to this. I want to live a normal life, Rae. I want to leave her and all she did to me behind. And I can’t do that if I keep running away. What happens when I stop to catch my breath? It still catches up to me like I made no progress whatsoever. That’s not a way to live, not the way I wanna live, at least.”

Rae nods slowly, fully understanding what Y/N is referring to. She maybe hasn’t said anything about it ever, but she’s always seen that little bit of darkness behind the happiness and excitement Y/N always displayed. Rae’s heart ached every time she caught glimpse of those little signs Y/N was putting on a performance while actually hurting on the inside. 

And if a meeting with their mother was what would help them finally fully embrace a happy life, then who was she to stop them.

“Ok.“ The girl sighs, “Ok, we’ll go see her, but only if you’re 100% sure you’ll be able to handle it.“

They shake their head again, sighing with unease, “I can never be 100% sure, my emotions have a tendency of being unpredictable so I’ll just have to pray I don’t have a breakdown or a panic attack.”

Rae swipes her thumb over their cheekbone wiping the tear that just escaped their eye, “If you do, don’t worry, I’ll be right there. You know the drill: squeeze my hand, take deep breaths and most importantly, don’t forget I’m there for you. Ok?”

Y/N nods their head, the small smile reappearing on their face. They squeeze Rae’s hand and take a long inhale. “Hand squeeze, deep breaths, noted.” They say when their eyes meet hers, “Thank you so much, Rae. Thank you so much for putting up with me and all my shit and thank you so much for never giving up on me no matter how much work I am or how hard dealing with me and my demons becomes.”

Rae’s heart stings at Y/N’s words, tears brimming her eyes when she raises a bit on her knees to press her lips against Y/N’s forehead. “Don’t thank me, angel. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you and I never want to get gratitude for it. Love doesn’t ask for gratitude, and neither do I.”

Y/N lets out a small laugh to cover up an emotional sob that escapes their lungs. “I love you, Rae.” They say with a trembling voice.

“I love you too, Y/N.“

This time, the Y/N’s lips met the lips of their girlfriend, reminding themself that their safe haven isn’t a place, it’s a person - their girlfriend who means the world to them.

[beewritings]

bought a dress n fishnets & they came in! so now it’s time for a little eren smut oneshot thing :’) 18+

cw: little bit of angst, public sex (bathroom)

thinkin of meeting up outside of a restaurant for dinner with your friends & eren, the guy you’ve been talking to for a while, is a part of the friend group! he thinks you look sososo cute! you’re wearing a black dress with white plaid, fishnet tights and white platform sneakers (that was my outfit hehe). he wraps one arm around your waist and kisses your cheek and whispers in your ear “you look so pretty, baby” and you give a little giggle and whisper back “there’s more”. you then do a little spin while your friends are talking amongst themselves and you stop spinning, back facing eren, and bend over just a little bit for him to see it and right back up, facing him again with a little jump and a giggle.

you’re not wearing anything besides the fishnets.

his face heats up and turns around to see if any of their friends saw, and turns back around it face you and leans down to whisper yell at you.

“are you out of your mind? what if someone else saw?? not only that, are you dressed like this to tease me or something?”

you giggle and with confidence nod your head, “yup!!”

“eren, y/n, we’re going in! let’s go!” you both hear jean say. eren scoffs and grabs your wrist, dragging you in with the rest of them.

as dinner goes on, everyone is catching up with each other and sharing stories about work, class, overall just their lives. but eren can’t really seem to focus since your hand keeps roaming his thighs, down to his knee and right up to his hips, and even sinking inside his thighs towards the seat he sat on. he tries to keep up with conversation, but majority of the time he keeps eating or drinking his red wine to try and not speak because if he speaks... well they’ll know what’s going on. you’re calm though, you can eat with one hand and tease him with the other. he even tries to put a hand on your thigh, and even to where your core is since there is no underwear or anything with the fishnets. but you somehow quietly yet harshly swat his hand away.

it was clear to say who was in charge. and it wasn’t eren.

“y/n, what about you? are you talking to anyone or dating someone? got a boyfriend, or a girl?”

you look at sasha when she calls your name and answer her question.

“hm? oh.. uh, yeah, i’ve been talking to someone for a bit. he’s nice, cute, likes small personal dates rather than going all out in public and stuff. but lately it kinda seems like it’s been a friends with benefits kind of thing? we were talking and flirting but then it got sexual and now it seems like that’s all it is.. not that it’s an issue, i’m a sexual person and i tend to start the sexual tension first. but i feel like we could be a bit more... romantic? even if it’s romantic sexually. i don’t know.. sorry it’s weird, haha.” you pull your hand away from eren’s lap onto yours, and continue to eat your food avoiding eren’s look.

and he looked shocked. he didn’t know you felt that way. you both communicated about a lot of things, you’ve talked about traumas and past relationships or past fucks, but you have this anxiety in your body that gets scared to talk to him about a relationship WITH him. and you’re shaking as you eat, and he sees that. and you’re nervous to continue on, so you excuse yourself from the table to use the restroom.

you half expected him to follow him, but you didn’t ACTUALLY think he was. he excused himself about a few minutes after.

(“it’s obvious they’re talking about each other. did they think we didn’t know they were into each other? the tensions been high since high school,” mikasa points out.

“to be fair, i didn’t really realize they were into each other until we graduated. they way they hugged was not a friendly hug. it was a FRIENDLY hug,” connie joins in.)

the restrooms were placed towards the entrance, women’s, men’s and the gender neutral one that for some reason only has two stalls unlike the other two. you used the gender neutral restroom, so when you left, you see eren standing there. you give a smile to try and steady your anxiety, but it’s clear your smile holds nerves

“hey!”

“were you being honest back there?”

“... i don’t lie, eren. especially to you.”

“y/n,” he holds your face so gently, “you know we don’t have to be so sexually active, i just. thought that’s what you wanted. and of course i don’t mind whether we are or aren’t. and if you want to pursue a relationship, i like you a LOT and i would love that. but i’d rather ask you when it’s just me and you, not surrounded by icky people and our friends. i’m not a public guy, and you’re not a public person. did you want to continue this conversation at my place after dinner?”

“... yeah, i’d like that.”

eren smiles and kisses your cheek. “was there anyone in the bathroom when you went out?”

“no, why?”

eren smirks and looks around before pushing you back in there, guiding you to the bigger stall. “i’ve been holding out in you this whole night, you not wearing underwear? come on, you’re teasing me. bend over against the wall baby, you’re not getting away from this.”

he unzips his pants and reaches in to grip his dick out. you bend over a little on the stall door, shaking your booty a little, your privates on display for him. he bites his lip and smacks your ass. he mumbles a fuck before going right in. he rips a piece of the fishnets off so he could shove his dick in without the fabric rubbing against it. he doesn’t wait for you to get used to his size, he just aligns his dick to your hole, grabs your waist and starts thrusting. you cry out, but bite your finger to try and silence yourself. he’s goin in FAST, all you hear is the slapping of skin echoing throughout the room, your struggling moans, and eren breathing heavily.

he’s been hard since he saw you bend over before entering the restaurant, so he’s already close to coming. you as well, considering since you’ve been horny since leaving the house with no underwear on was such a turn on for you. so all it takes is for eren to lean forward and mumble i’m going to treat you so perfect, i’m going to show you off to the whole world and they’re going to be so jealous that i’m with the prettiest person ever. fuck, we’re gonna be the baddest and hottest couple out there, and i’m gonna love you so much and his name is echoing in the restroom from you, clenching around his cock. you’re squeezing him so tight while breathing heavily that he knows he’s about to release. he pulls out, jerking it a bit and lifts your dress a little higher and comes on your fishnet tights, on your lower back. your twitching a bit still, so he gets toilet paper to wipe it off but you stop him. this has been one of your fantasies for so long, and you refuse to let him stop it. you stand up, dropping your dress down and rub your legs together, feeling your cum rubbing together.

you giggle, turn around to face eren and grab the toilet paper from his hands, toss it aside and go on your tippy toes to kiss his cheek. he smiles, leaning down to kiss your lips instead. you wrap your arms around his neck, to kiss him further. you really fell for him hard, and you’re glad that you know you guys might actually end up in a relationship. you will be telling him everything from there on, because you trust him. you both pull apart and give off big sighs.

“y’all done? we trying to get dessert, but we don’t now what you guys want.”

you both jump slightly in shock, and slowly open the stall door to see mikasa and sasha both there, sasha giggling.

“um... i’ll take a lava cake,” you quietly say.

“i’m good, i have desserts at home,” erens voice booms in confidence.

“okay, please hurry. it’s been over ten minutes and i’m sure every customer knows what y’all were doing so we wanna eat dessert and leave asap.”

you both nod and exit the stall, fixing yourselves in the mirror. you’re embarassed, but eren’s happy, especially since if anything then everyone knows you’re his.

after dinner and after dessert, you get told off by the host and get told that if you get do that again then you both and your friends will be banned from the restaurant. on a good note, you and eren talked about everything when you got to his place and even had slow yet sexy passionate sex.

[polyadvice]

I want to live in partnership with another couple, but my husband is unsure

My partner and i recently got married. We're really happy, but for the past half year I've caught feelings for two other friends. My husband feels the same way and these two friends are already in a relationship and poly. My husband has feelings but more platonic than my romantic feelings and doesn’t really wanna pursue anything. Every time i try to have a discussion about it he gets overwhelmed or jealous. But its like I just want them in queer platonic polycule?

I don't want to have sex or even kiss them but I want to go on dates and hold hands and live together and raise kids with them. My partner feels exactly the same way but he is still super hesitant. He was this hesitant when we started dating so idk what to do about my feelings. Am I a bad person for wanting to pursue this even though my spouse is lowkey jealous? And am I a bad spouse for even wanting another relationship while being just recently married? I don't want to weird my friends out but I don't like to just not tell people how I feel about them. It feels wrong somehow. And on another note, sorry for all the questions, if my partner and I did decide to pursue this kind of relationship, how do I even go about it?

The good news is that the arrangement you’re describing is as old as humanity itself, and in fact how most families have been raised over the course of history. The “nuclear family,” where only two adults live in a detached home and are expected to meet all of each other’s financial, developmental, emotional, physical, culinary, etc. needs - as well as those of any children - is a very recent concept.

You may be well served by letting go of the concept of a “queer platonic polycule” and exploring language for what you really want that doesn’t signify a necessary departure from the monogamous marriage your husband feels committed to protect. What you’ve described may be well represented by other concepts, including family friends, kinship networks, close neighbors, chosen family, or non-blood cousins. Raising kids together, spending quality time together, supporting each other, and “doing life together” might be less threatening ways to talk about this, at least for your husband.

Talk with your husband about what he wants, and what he does not want. Be specific, using examples and real-world concepts rather than conceptual terms. What is his best case scenario, and what is his worst case scenario? What is he afraid of happening? Can he describe where his jealousy is coming from? What do you mean by “go on dates?” What kind of quality time spent with these other people would feel like “too much” or “jealousy-inducing” for him?

Talk through actual situations. Would you two want to plan joint vacations with this couple? How would you handle things like joint finances or individual healthcare costs? What does “raise kids together” mean for you? Are there any examples from books, movies, or your own lives that you can draw inspiration from? Do you know any neighbors, extended families, religious congregations, or other people who can help serve as a model for this kind of life?

Once you’ve figured out what you actually want, you can bring that up with the other couple. Instead of asking “do you want to form a queer platonic polycule,” ask them “what are your thoughts on co-living with us?” or “would you like to go camping with us next weekend?” Worry less about what words to put on things, and focus on how you want to be in relationship. In some cases, you might not need to have a Big Serious Relationship Defining Conversation, and can instead simply start intentionally living into the type of connection you want. Finally, you ask whether you are a bad person for having these feelings and desires, and my answer to that question is a resounding: absolutely not! Our thoughts, feelings, and desires are entirely our own business and don’t have the power to make us a good or bad person. It’s how you act on them that matters. If you’re pressuring your husband into doing something that he doesn’t want, or you’re acting manipulative or otherwise disregarding his boundaries, then those are not great things to do, but I’d still caution you against equating “did an unhealthy or unhelpful thing” and “is a bad person.” You are you, and you contain multitudes, and you’ve hurt people and you’ve helped people, and you’re just a person. Try to let go of this notion that anything you think or do can make you “a bad person.”

Completely unrelated: One of my Buzzfeed quizzes made it to the front page, which makes it the best contender for Maybe Actually Making Me Some Money. If you like this blog and enjoy my advice, would you be so kind as to click this link or even share it around to help it gain some momentum? <3

[thickness-protection-program]

Dear TPP,

I'll try to keep this as short as possible, I can ramble pretty bad. So I have a long distance friend, m/m both of us in early 30s, that I've know for a couple years. We mostly interact in a group dynamic (he's a casual small streamer and the regulars have become a group of friends).  Anyway it began as a normal "ooo cute stranger" crush, but now we've known each other for quite a while and my feelings have certainly grown. And I really think he has some very similar feelings for me (I have several points to think this but brevity).  And here is where the problems begin.

Both of us are more on the reserved/shy side and pretty much refuse to plainly say how we feel. So of course the solution is to just take the leap and say "boy I have strong feelings for you and what about it?" And I get that. And I'm working on trying to get that courage. BUT (here's the next problem) our relationship has a bit of an imbalance. I know what he looks like, since he does stream (on twitch) and the occasional selfie, and the most of myself he has ever seen is a couple "new haircut" pics that were only eyeballs and up, bcus that's the only part of myself I'm not afraid to show others. This is bcus I'm a midwestern 2-3 on a good day, and I have many times over had the app experience of "having a good conversation with a guy, then I finally send them my pics and get instantly blocked". Therefore I tend to refrain from sharing or even taking selfies. So I have an incredible fear of if I take the leap to express my true feelings, then I will of course have to show him who I am literally. And as I said above it's not a great presentation. I would I be able to continue to maintain the friendship if all the sudden things change after he sees me? And I know he's not enough of an asshole to just outright block and ghost me when he realizes I'm ugly so that will just leave us both in a terrible and awkward place.

Now on top of all of that if miraculously the feelings are reciprocated, and somehow he doesn't find me too ugly (since I know ppl always think of themselves as way uglier than other ppl think of them but I'm legit pretty bottom barrel) then we have our final major problem. That being I have so many problems and aspects that are often just flat out "deal breakers" for ppl. I think him getting involved with me is a huge mistake and for his own good I would not want to pull him into my abyss of issues or go through my laundry list of possible deal breakers.

All in all that basically sums it up. And I do apologize for dumping this on you (I just saw your post that said something like TPP advice is open), and I don't like discussing my personal matters with ppl in my immediacy (another problem of mine haha) so I have been wanting to discuss this with a third party. In a way I feel like I know what I need to do, but I just want to bounce it off someone for idea, and maybe what order to proceed and see if maybe I really am just THAT insane and I should just go live in a cave.

Sincerely,

Neurotic Sword

Hmm ok. First off I wanna say there is no such thing as being ugly and anybody who treats you poorly based off of how they perceive you is a reflection on THEM not you. And how you perceive yourself is much more important than how anybody else perceives you, so don't let anybody make you feel bad for taking selfies and loving yourself.

As for this specific situation, I can understand where you're coming from. I do think it is important though that whoever you're wanting to pursue any sort or platonic or romantic relationship with knows what you look like. Obviously you don't have to like send a picture every day or anything but I feel like knowing what you look like builds a base layer of trust since you know for sure who you're talking to. You don't necessarily have to outright be like "hey I like you" just yet but eventually he would have to see you. And if he responds negatively then babe you dodged a bullet bc everybody deserves respect no matter what you look like. I don't know any specifics but I do feel like if you guys have been talking for this long then the relationship shouldn't be broken by a face reveal.

Also, babe, it's not good to yourself to bring yourself down like this. Yes all your feelings and emotions are valid but you are not this horrible person you think you are. Getting with you is NOT a mistake but a blessing. But again I don't know the specifics so I can't really say anything in detail but ultimately you have to do what's best for YOU not what's best for anybody else. And trust me I know what it's like being shy but shyness has to take a backseat when it comes to doing what's best for your own happiness

I'm not sure if any of this helps or is useful but if you have anything else to say I'm here

[leannan-sithe]

Godspousing Terms

This is a suggested list of godspousing terms that have been developed and loosely defined by our 50+ person private discord. We find them helpful to make distinctions, so hopefully you do too!

Basic Compound Terms

I propose godspouse be used as a generic umbrella term for any non-platonic relationship with an entity that is not in our world / on this plane, or however you wanna describe it.

godspouse, god-spouse, god spouse are all the same term, but I find godspouse more distinct about the type of relationship happening (and, it is easier to use on places like tumblr, where the split god spouse shows up when you search god or spouse now)

This word structure can be used for any number of words, primarily god- and spirit- added to terms like -spouse, -partner, -consort, -family, -mate.

The first word can also be: fae-, hero-, angel-, demon-, or other-. Otherspouse is commonly used as a neutral pronoun when in mixed company, i.e. when addressing a group of godspouses and spiritspouses, "Who are your Otherspouses?"

Concept of Courting

What is courting? To new folks, it sounds formal and intimidating. In short, it's a term for dating or pursuing a romantic / non-platonic relationship. Depending on your Otherpartner, courting can be informal and casual or formal and structured.

Some entities have their own political or cultural norms, and they may require structured courting. To give vague examples, this could be like going on dates for a set time before calling the relationship 'serious' or like going through a set of rituals in your pantheon of choice before you can date the partner.

Each entity has their own courting requirements, much like people. Be sure to discuss this with them! Dating can lead to marriage or other vows, so it's worth having open, clear communication.

List of Flexible Terms

-spouse

Can be generic or can imply some form of marital status.

-partner

For relationships that are more than 'dating' but do not include marriage; often used in partnerships that emphasize equality between the human and otherpartner.

-family

Not strictly a godspousing term, but useful in-context; used for relationships with entities that are familial, i.e. this god is my godfamily because they are my brother.

-consort

Although it can be a boyfriend/girlfriend equivalent, this term is more frequently used for relationships where the consort status (unmarried, still courting) of the human partner is important to the otherpartner; Consort IRL was used as a name for romantic partners of royalty who would not carry on hereditary royalty or political power; for some entities, this distinction is important as these entities have lives of their own and may hold power.

-mate

Less commonly used, but seems to imply an intimate relationship with trust that doesn't require definition by marriage or other agreements; IMO, the vibe is informed by the concept of 'mating for life' heavily, in that animals don't need formal documentation, they just are together.

Godowned and Godservant

These relationships are structured around Ownership or servitude, in a similar way that nuns commit to the Christian God.

Godowned has many expressions, but in short: the human has agreed to be owned by the otherpartner, for any variety of reasons. Ownership is not necessarily a Master / sl*ve relationship, although that is one expression of it.

Godowned example:

Because I am Theirs, Deity has committed to taking care of my emotional and mental well-being, to the point of bothering me when I need to take medication or when I need to step back and take time to myself. I submit to the nudges when they are given, as I've agreed to this dynamic and it's helpful for me to have someone give me instructions.

Godservant can be similar if not identical to Godowned, although it implies more of a servant relationship with the deity in question, not always ownership. This relationship dynamic is often very formal and includes vows and explicit expectations from the human and the otherpartner involved.

The servant concept is often expressed through acts of devotion, like learning a new language as a devotional act to the deity or doing research about the deity's pantheon etc.

Although not required, this dynamic is frequently expressed by being a Devotee/Devoted/Dedicant of [DeityName]. There is a formal declaration that you are dedicated to this particular Deity, which is often used as your public identifier (ex. Hi, I'm Rook a Devotee of Fairge, not Hi, I'm Rook, a pagan.)

The term Godsl*ve is also available for use! I am censoring it here solely to avoid the term coming up when sl*ve is searched on Tumblr. There is no judgement that I'm trying to imply.

Godsl*ve can be all of the above, but is clearly much more explicit about who wears the pants and who does not wear the pants in this relationship. This dynamic tends to have Dom/sub components and often is very structured with rules and requirements to be performed by the human involved.

Alternative Terms

As to not muddle the water more than I have already, here is a list of other terms folks use but are either less common or not generic enough to be included.

-thrall, -bride, -groom, -nun, -sworn, -lover, -f*cker

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