#which already makes me feel weird bc impostor syndrome esp because i know i'm out of shape
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"the conductor said you can rotate parts if you want, decide amongst yourselves"
ACHIEVEMENT: NEW ANXIETY UNLOCKED
#i was contracted to play 2/contra but instead i've been assigned principal for both concerts with this group#which already makes me feel weird bc impostor syndrome esp because i know i'm out of shape#and on top of all that i've met the other bassoonist before but never played with her but i have gotten a weird vibe from her before :(#and she's heard me play a couple times but i've never heard her?#and i feel strongly about playing 1st on two of the pieces and i'm neutral toward the third#so i've offered to rotate for the third piece and since for the 'general assignments' i'm supposed to be 1st i think this is appropriate???#but also it is making my goddamn stomach churn fuck me#classical music is a harsh mistress#i am the worst#...... really the answer to this problem is that i need to practice enough to feel secure before the first rehearsal
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