#which are perfectly understandable emotions people deserve to work through!

[sixth-light]

I wish I saw more discussion about the kind of grief that can be felt about a media adaptation which isn't right for you, regardless of the adaptation's quality on its own merits. It's not a profound grief or a deep one, but the reality of the world is that tv/movie adaptations are expensive and generally singular, and if you come to them hoping to feel the same emotions you felt about the original and you don't...there's a grieving process there, a hope denied.

The way some people act about that grief is, um, wildly disproportionate and frankly disrespectful to adaptations as stand-alone works of art, especially when it crosses into the entitlement of Everything Should Cater To Me Personally, but it doesn't come from nowhere. I genuinely wish there was more space for people to be sad about what they didn't get rather than angry.

[xomaleyaxo]

Stolen Hearts → Blackpink 5th Member

Synopsis: As time passes and their hearts are forever stolen, they’re drawn deeper into an unbreakable love.

Part 2 to Stolen Glances

Wc: 2.3k

They say you have three loves in your life: the first love, which is intense and exciting, full of passion and youthful energy; the second love, which teaches you about heartbreak and the complexities of relationships; and the third love, which arrives unexpectedly, steady and enduring, and is said to be your true, lasting love. For Mirae, Mingyu was her third love, and everything she had heard about this kind of love was starting to ring true.

With Mingyu around, life seemed brighter, as if she had spent years in the shadows and now the sun had finally broken through. He was the kind of man she had been waiting for her entire life, someone she felt her father, if he were still here, would have loved for her. Deep down, she believed he was watching over her and had sent Mingyu her way. He was almost too good to be true, yet here he was, making her world feel complete.

Mirae had always longed for someone like her father, a kind soul, a musician, someone who gave everything for the people he loved. In Mingyu, she saw all those traits. She admired how he could connect with anyone instantly, forming a sense of comfort effortlessly. He was the kind of person who made everything better just by being there.

Initially, Mirae felt so different from him, her introverted nature clashing with his extroverted energy. However, over time, Mingyu’s openness began to rub off on her. He helped her break out of her shell and see life in a new light, while she grounded him, showing him the beauty of quiet, intimate moments. It felt as though they were puzzle pieces finally coming together, perfectly fitting for the first time.

Despite their differences, their similarities deepened their understanding of each other. Both had spent their youth chasing dreams, and now they were living them. They understood the devotion required to achieve their goals and how to support each other through their demanding careers. They knew when to prioritize their groups and fans but also when to remind each other to take a break and relax, finding balance in both their work and relationship.

As they spent more time together, Mirae realized she had never felt such ease before. It was as if they had been together for years, even though it had only been a short time. Mingyu saw her, truly saw her. Normally, this might have frightened her, but instead, he embraced every flaw and imperfection. He never made her feel like there was anything wrong with her, which made her feel validated.

Despite her efforts to seek help, Mirae carried a lot of baggage. These issues affected her daily life, accompanied by a nagging voice that told her no one deserved to deal with her struggles. She preferred to write out her feelings and leave them behind, a habit that negatively impacted her relationships since she struggled to express her emotions directly. Though she was working on it, Mingyu’s open expression of his feelings made her worry about her own inability to do the same.

Being an idol, she had an unrelenting drive for perfection. She pushed herself hard, always striving to meet impossible standards, as if achieving excellence could somehow make up for the absence of her father. The immense pressure she placed on herself stemmed from a desire to make him proud and live up to an ideal she had constructed.

She hated being vulnerable and crying in front of others, yet she was someone who cried easily, whether it was from seeing someone else in distress, frustration, or being yelled at. Her mind urged her to maintain a tough exterior, but her heart remained vulnerable, causing her eyes to betray her emotions.

One night after a cozy café date, she opened up to Mingyu about her fears and insecurities. He listened silently, deeply understanding the weight of what she was revealing. It was clear that opening up was a challenge for her, but he felt a profound sense of gratitude that she was willing to be vulnerable with him.

Mingyu didn’t care about her flaws; in fact, her imperfections only made him like her more. To him, her struggles were not obstacles but parts of her that he wanted to embrace completely. He was determined to support her through them, and when he conveyed this to her, it brought her a deep sense of safety and the realization that he was the one who could truly make her feel safe.

As summer was ending, their relationship grew serious very rapidly. Mirae, usually cautious about moving too quickly, felt herself drawing closer to the idea of love with Mingyu.

Their first kiss happened after their fourth date, inside his car as he dropped her off. The dim lighting, soft music from the radio, and the lingering warmth of their date created the perfect setting. As they sat there, sad their evening was ending, Mingyu leaned in slowly, his gaze locked with hers, asking a silent question. Mirae gave a gentle nod, and they shared a soft, sweet kiss.

When they pulled away, both were blushing, their smiles widening as they made eye contact and said goodbye. Mirae hadn’t expected to feel like a blushing teenager again, but the kiss with Mingyu reminded her of the excitement and giddiness of kissing someone for the first time. It was a small kiss, yet it left her yearning for more. As the days passed, they grew more comfortable with each other, and soon, they were in a committed relationship.

The changes in Mirae were noticeable to those closest to her. She seemed happier and brighter, a stark contrast to her past relationships where she kept everything private. Mingyu was different. She couldn’t stop talking about him, whether it was a sweet gesture he made or a funny moment they shared. He was a constant presence in her mind and conversations. Her friends and family often teased her about it, but they were genuinely happy for her. It was clear to everyone that she was smitten, and it was a rare and wonderful sight.

Mingyu was equally smitten, and his members playfully teased him about it. They’d play Blackpink songs, dance along, and sing her parts, which always made him blush and smile. He was thrilled to be with her after admiring her from afar for so long. Now that she was his, he took every opportunity to brag about her and praise her. While his members sometimes found his constant adoration a bit much, they were mainly just happy to see him so content.

Mirae wasn’t sure when she realized she loved Mingyu; it just happened naturally. She never pinpointed the exact moment, but somehow, she was the first to say “I love you.” One cozy night, she invited him over for dinner. As they sat quietly watching a movie, she felt an overwhelming sense of contentment and looked over at him.

He was gently petting her dog Luna, who had adored him from their very first meeting. Luna rested comfortably in his lap, while Mingyu’s arm stroked the dog, and his other arm was wrapped around Mirae’s waist, giving her soft circles.

Noticing her gaze, Mingyu looked back and smiled, his eyes lighting up at the sight of her. She returned his smile and leaned in to kiss him softly, making him giggle.

“What's up?” he asked.

“Mhmmm, nothing,” she replied softly, leaning her head into his neck and letting it rest there.

“Now you have to tell me,” he said, giggling as he gently pulled her away so he could see her face.

“Mhm,” she whined, trying to nestle back into his neck to feel his warmth.

“Stoppp,” he said, softly grabbing her face with his hands. “Tell me.”

She looked up at him, and he leaned closer to her lips. “I love you,” she whispered.

Mingyu paused for a moment, his eyes widening before breaking into a grin. Luna, sensing the shift, hopped off his lap as he moved.

“You love me?” Mingyu asked, still holding her face with one hand and giggling.

She nodded, her cheeks puffing out as she waited for him to say it back.

“Thank you,” he said.

“Uh!” she said, playfully pushing his arm away and giggling as he grabbed her back, laughing.

“You didn’t say it back, wowww,” she said sarcastically, pretending to move his arms away and leave.

“I’m kidding,” he joked, pulling her close again.

As they settled down, she looked at him once more. He pushed her hair behind her ears and said, “I love you too,” before kissing her deeply.

After their first “I love you,” their lives sped up. Weeks turned into months, and despite their busy schedules, they made time for each other. Mingyu flew out to see her during her tour and supported her at Coachella. Mirae used her limited free days to visit him. Their efforts to stay connected despite their hectic lives demonstrated their commitment and reassured them both that their relationship was serious and worth every effort.

Their first anniversary fell on one of her concert days in Australia, and Mirae was saddened by their inability to celebrate together. Both were very busy, but Mingyu reassured her that they could celebrate another day. True to his word, they found a weekend when they were both free and spent it away in Paris, the city of love.

Their first actual vacation together was both extravagant and wonderful. Mingyu, being the romantic he is, ensured every detail was perfect, and his efforts made Mirae swoon. She didn’t care about the expense; she just wanted to be with him and relax. Yet, seeing him put in so much effort to make everything special made her feel truly loved.

The trip felt like a scene from a movie, a story she would one day share with her future children. They went sightseeing, explored various bars, and connected with locals. They slow-danced to street musicians at night, spent their days wrapped up in bed, and cherished every moment together.

As her tour came to an end and she returned to Korea, Mirae found herself increasingly immersed in Mingyu’s world. His members became her friends, and she enjoyed joining in on the playful teasing of Mingyu. Wonwoo, who lived with him, became a big brother figure to her. She often saw him during her visits, often cooking for him, and would invite him to join them for shows and games.

Mingyu also became more involved in Mirae’s life, growing close to her siblings and mother, as well as their significant others. She loved watching him laugh with her brother and sister and help her mother with cooking. His presence was refreshing, and her mother often praised him to Mirae, appreciating how he seamlessly fit into their family.

Their circles began to intertwine effortlessly, and both of them loved how seamless the transition had been. Her friends adored him, and his friends embraced her, all recognizing how well they complemented each other. It was clear to everyone around them that they were truly good for one another.

However, their growing closeness did not go unnoticed online. Observant fans and followers began to remark on how Mirae seemed particularly close with some of Mingyu's band members at various events. Speculation and curiosity about their interactions sparked discussions, with many wondering about the nature of their relationship.

Additionally, fans noticed how Mirae and Mingyu often wore similar clothing and posted similar styles, which fueled more speculation about their connection. While she tried not to let it bother her, the constant scrutiny and unfounded rumors occasionally made her resent her life as an idol.

At times, She longed for the freedom to stroll down the street with Mingyu without worrying about paparazzi. The only moments they could truly roam freely were when they were out of the country.

Though they loved each other deeply, the fear of their relationship being discovered loomed over them. She wished it didn’t have to be this way, but the reality was harsh, male idols who sought happiness and the women they chose to be with often faced judgment and scrutiny.

It wasn’t everyone, but even small rumors and fan ships had brought unwarranted hate her way in the past, simply for being close to someone. Despite her efforts to stay unaffected, seeing such negativity was disheartening. While she was content within her private bubble with Mingyu, the constant fear of their relationship being exposed weighed heavily on her.

Both of them worried about the potential exposure of their relationship, but they knew that if it ever came to that, they would never let others’ opinions force them to break up. They were deeply happy and in love, and they both had a strong sense that this was it, that they had found their forever person. Their hearts were irrevocably intertwined, and they knew they would never let go.

This was the love she had waited for, a love that had not only lifted her off her feet but had also left her heart soaring in a way she had never imagined. It was the kind of love that felt both exhilarating and comforting, the kind that made every moment with him feel like a dream come true. He was her forever boy, the one who had come into her life and made her believe in the magic of true love. With him, every day felt brighter, every challenge seemed manageable, and every moment was filled with a sense of deep, unshakeable happiness. This was the love she had always yearned for, and now that she had found it, she knew it was worth every wait, every tear, and every heartache she had ever experienced.

Mingyu was hers, and she was his. This was it. And she couldn’t wait to see what the future held for them together.

[delinquentluvr]

Knuckle Bine, Hakoware, & The Importance of An Informative Power System.

I think a lot of people would agree with me if I said that Hunter x Hunter is a great manga. I also think a lot of people would agree if I said a large part of that is because of its stellar character writing. Togashi is really intentional with the way his characters speak, the actions they take, and how their personalities/beliefs influence the way they fight. In a manga where so much fighting is happening, it's super necessary. The decisions a character makes leading up to them throwing hands are just as important as who they're throwing hands against, why they're throwing hands, etc. Of course, these things are all portrayed through the way the main cast (Gon, Killua, and Kurapika mostly) develops their nen abilities alongside their continual character development, but my all-time favorite example of this is Knuckle Bine. He's in an arc that is perfectly set-up to portray morality through fighting, and all of his limited screen-time is used to show what he believes and why he believes it. So. Knuckle's entire character is this: He is a heart-of-gold delinquent. He comes off as a brute but is actually very kind behind that (paper thin) mask. He is driven by his emotions, but these emotions are very noble. He leads with his fists, yes, but not with anger.

Knuckle Bine (despite what everything on the surface might tell you... his intimidating looks, his insulting speech, his punch-first-think-latter attitude) is a pacifist and a good guy. He fights because he wants to understand others, and make sure no one gets judged unfairly. He’s explicitly stated his reasoning for being a beast hunter is so he can make sure that creatures that we can’t explain aren’t just destroyd because they’re “dangerous”. He wants a conversation; he wants the most peaceful solution. Hakoware is a really fucking good representation of these beliefs.

A friend of mine said that nen abilities are a manifestation of the restrictions one places on oneself, which is definitely true, but I also want to add that they're also a reflection of what you believe to be true about the world around you. Knuckle believes that everyone deserves a chance to explain themselves. Knuckle believes that fighting with another is a way to understand them. Fighting, to him, is a way to communicate. When he fights and loses to Youpi what saves him, Morel, and Meleoron is the fact that his beliefs were shown to Youpi through his determination.

The fact that Knuckle's goal is communication-- through fighting, yes, but not with the intention to kill (explicitly the exact opposite of that actually)-- is what forms the basis of Hakoware. And it's also what allows Hakoware to be so powerful. Hakoware activates when Knuckle lands a hit on his opponent, initiating his "conversation". It doesn't hurt, because Knuckle is lending his aura to his opponent. Pacifism proven upfront. Now, the opponent will accumulate a 10% "debt" based on the amount of aura Knuckle's lent, adding it every ten seconds. If the debt equals or exceeds the opponent’s total aura capacity (which will naturally go down over the fight as the opponent uses their own nen abilities), they go into "Bankruptcy" and become unable to use Nen for 30 days. Hakoware remains active until the opponent pays off the debt by attacking Knuckle with enough aura. These return punches also won't hurt Knuckle, because they're simply passing back the aura that is owed. Pretty neat, right? I'm sure you can see where I'm going. So, let's go back to the idea of nen abilities being restrictions on the self and reflections of your own worldview. Knuckle's Self-Imposed Restrictions

Hakoware only works if he's confident enough in his own ability to have a conversation. The ability wouldn't be useful if Knuckle couldn't logically think or understand his opponent during his fights.

Knuckle's Worldview

The 30-day nen lockdown is a direct representation of his character. It's an incredibly powerful ability, but it has no limits on who it can be used on in the way Kurapika's nen is. Why? Because Knuckle's conviction, his dedication to peace and understanding, is strong enough that it is baked into his ability.

Knuckle wouldn't use Hakoware on someone if it was not absolutely necessary. He wouldn't strip them of the ability to defend themselves unless the situation absolutely called for it. And even then, if he did win, we know that Knuckle is not the type of man to use that advantage to stamp his enemies down.

It's incredible that the ability can inform so much about his personality. It's incredible that his personality can make you understand the reasoning behind his ability's structure and use-cases. Good fucking manga.

[bridgerteon]

Bonus Polin Week: Luke (Newton) Appreciation Day. :)))

[Still suck at making creative gifs, mood boards and stories, so I'm gonna do another essay to support Polin Week 2024]

I've seen many people praising Nicola Coughlan (who is awesome as Penelope Featherington and Claire Devlin in Derry Girls, which I watched while being bored overseas) who I admire, but not much with Luke Newton. So I volunteer to write an essay why he is one of my inspirations (and current crush this year). So here's my personal explanation why I like Luke Newton:

It's rare to see an actor/actress that has dyslexia and ADHD be part in a major role. That speaks volumes of the pain, suffering, persistance and hard work Luke did. I'm impressed with how he persevere in doing acting roles and then landed a role in playing one of book fans' favourite Bridgerton boy, Colin Bridgerton, which the book is now a global phenomenon. His acting journey from an unknown actor no one cares about or doing menial acting work, to being part of a global sensation and as internet's next new boyfriend this year is a major shift on his career. I'm glad that he gets the recognition he deserves, and has inspired me to improve myself and to be patient until a new opportunity arrives.

Though i don't know any actors who are in Bridgerton, Luke is one of the actors whose name I recognised before, in Disney's The Lodge. He was in a Disney show which involves a lot of singing and teen adventures. It's cool that he has a singing talent as well as acting skills. Sadly, I never get around to watch it as I was too busy studying at uni during that time.

When Luke plays as Colin Bridgerton, I can actually see the emotions he displays throughout Season 3. Though it's hard to show what Colin's thinking (which is where the book explains well in learning his inner thoughts), Luke displays facial expressions and body language that helps explain what he's feeling. He's one of the actors who can emote very well in any TV show and film.

How Luke protrays Colin Bridgerton (in the show) reminds me of... myself. We are both sensitive and emotional, wanting to feel needed, wanting to be respected as ourselves, listens to people - regardless of gender - without judgement, and wanting a love match. We also think changing our personalities or masking ourselves would help make others respect us, but become mentally draining overtime. We also feel that no one would ever love us as ourselves. Luke playing Colin actually makes me feel seen as an introvert but passionate loser who just wants to be loved. It actually makes me elated to see myself through Colin, and that Luke performed him perfectly.

The one performance Luke did that strikes me the most is the Lady Whistledown reveal scene or the betrayal scene. Instead of just being angry, he cried in that scene to demonstrate that he is heartbroken that Penelope is LW. I actually gasped and applauded that both Luke and Nicola made this scene so much better than the book, Romancing Mister Bridgerton, and the other betrayal scene from my childhood TV show. I can feel the heartbreak, self-doubt and vulnerability Luke displays, which makes me deeply connect with Colin, and also one of the reasons why I understand and love Polin.

Additionally, I can see through past interviews that Luke has lack of self-confidence and feeling closed off. I'm actually glad that his 5-year friendship with Nicola Coughlan helps him become more open, and that he can always rely on her if he is overwhelmed. That is friendship, one which I always want to seek. I'm technically jealous he has that, haha.

Through his friendship with Nicola, Luke gets to explore other things that are unknown to him. Nicola encourages him to learn and understand, a statement that I always keep to myself. Because of that, Luke likes listening to Hamilton, become more accepting, and promoting more charity work. I was enraged for "fans" who berate or bully him on anything he does, which makes him feel pessimistic. I don't understand why no one likes him. I'm so grateful that Nicola and genuine fans motivate him and encourage him to be proud of himself.

What has attracted me to Luke is that he has no ego, his adorable and awkward personality, his willingness to learn and understand, down-to-earth, and being a gentleman. Something that is rare in many men these days. That's one of the reasons how I got a crush on him besides being handsome (sorry Jonathan Bailey). Because I'm a Pokemon fan (hence my profile pic), I am planning to nickname my starter Pokemon in the next game, in honour of Luke Newton.

I feel emotionally happy to see his journey as a former struggling actor to one of the best actors recognised in Bridgerton (alongside Nicola Coughlan, as she is also one). I look forward to hear his new acting career in a major role in the future. Thank you, Luke Newton, for playing Colin Bridgerton and being yourself. :)))

[completeoveranalysis]

[10]

More of what I was saying just before - the peak contrast of Kyle’s actual dying blood falling through the air, while Evil Wolverine smiles confidently in his very best All According to Keikaku face.

The cleanliness of him, completely untouched by the absolutely devastating battle we’ve just survived, entirely unaffected by the blood of his closest ally literally right in front of his face. 

And the look of it all! This is like the big expensive fancy portrait to hang in the drawing room of a noble estate. It’s gorgeous in a way that Evil Wolverine does not deserve but the Clamp of it all is fantastic.

Like I’m sorry Evil Wolverine, you weren’t even close to winning the villain poll the other week, but at least you get maximum CLAMP art attention! 

I mean we know better than to actually listen to what Evil Wolverine says, ever, but kind of hilarious that Kyle dies in front of him and all Evil Wolverine can do is say, “Well, he wasn’t even good at that then, was he?”

Ignoring the fact that if the job is “body double” he quite literally performed that task perfectly. He DID take the hit intended to kill Evil Wolverine. No-one saw through the illusion. Not Lava Lamp, not Kurogane, not Fai. It genuinely worked. 

Kyle did exactly what he wanted and Evil Wolverine is out here saying no he didn’t.  

The sheer desperation of this man to always be right, to always be in control, when he can’t be, leading him to lie when things actually DO go exactly to plan. 

Unless he was expecting Kyle Rondary alone to hold off the Tsubasa Family?

I suppose if he was counting on Syaoran by himself being enough to take them all out - which, FAIR, he absolutely did. But EVEN THEN he made Kyle sit in the disguise chair, looking like him, to clean up anyone left over? JUST IN CASE it didn’t work? Which is a lot left to KYLE RONDART of all people. 

In which case Evil Wolverine is admitting that ONCE AGAIN his plans suck and fail and he can never get them to go right. 

And all over again it’s because people love each other that his plans die and he never accounts for that. 

And all he can do is blame Kyle Rondart instead, who was just supposed to sit there and not know what was coming for him.

Which... again, he did.

BUT WHY AM I DEFENDING KYLE RONDART OF ALL PEOPLE, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER NICK

Meanwhile Lava Lamp sees Evil Wolverine sitting there calmly with Sakura’s empty body and just begins to LOSE IT. 

And honestly I probably would too if I wasn't so unreasonably THRILLED about the sudden Kyle Murder we were treated with

The triple use of Evil Wolverine's name? The SCREAMING as the background turns to static behind him?

UNDERSTANDABLE!

This would probably be devastating, to think it was finally over, just for a moment, only to find out that it was just a trick. To have Syaoran sacrifice his life to attack Evil Wolverine only to find out that he’s completely untouched. To see him still holding Sakura’s body like it's just another useful item to him, and wasting Kyle’s life almost needlessly and then insult him as he dies. 

It would be, as they say, not a very good day. 

And I’m absolutely FASCINATED by that last angle, with Kyle’s body in the foreground and Lava Lamp screaming behind it. As if even KYLE’S death is a wrong that Evil Wolverine has committed. As if even THAT has added to Lava Lamp’s distress in the moment, on top of the LIFETIMES of crimes he has committed against literally everyone in the universe. 

Justice for Kyle?

Emotional Justice for Kyle Rondart in MY Tsubasa Reservoir?

It’s MORE LIKELY THAN I THINK

[imightgetbetter]

might get better

this has been the most requested story on this blog pretty much since i started writing for this series-ish story. i understand how heavy this topic is, and very much understand the severity of it. i'm not writing anything to make light of it or to minimize it or romanticize it, which is why nothing is explicitly mentioned or detailed, it pretty much beats around the bush but you know what's going on, you know what's being talked about. with that being said, if you are not comfortable even thinking about addiction, don't read this. obviously, there is a happy ending, but don't put yourself through anything you don't need to. i encourage you to leave kind messages and thoughts, if you're going to be mean, please think twice. this is a longer piece, over four thousand words, so also keep that in mind. i hope i did this justice. thank you for reading. cw: mentions of addiction, angst

Matty is tickling Attie in your bedroom, you can hear her tiny giggles echoing around the room. He’s just stepped away from getting ready with you, nearly fully dressed, his hair perfectly curled and styled, hanging loosely on his forehead. Attie is off with Adam and Carly for the night, and you can feel your heart twisting thinking about leaving her when you’re about to celebrate something so amazing in your career. Matty will be by your side, but you want Attie to know that you’ve done this, that all those hours spend nursing her in front of the computer screen led to this, led to a moment that you pray she’s proud of you for. Matty’s laughter is what draws you away from the bathroom mirror and your thoughts, your head peeking around the doorframe and watching the two of them. His relationship with her is everything you dreamt of, and it’s hard to think about where you were so long ago, about what you said to him. Tonight is a reminder of those moments, of the darkest times in your relationship, and the way you and Matty had to work really hard to get things to where they are now.

“Attie, look at how pretty Mummy is,” Matty says suddenly, lifting Attie onto his waist and walking into the bathroom, the three of you standing side by side in the mirror. “You look so incredible, my love. I can’t believe you’re all mine, tonight.” His lips touch your hair as you blush, his hands gently setting Attie on her feet and telling her to go play before turning towards you. “You’re all in your head. Get out of there.”

“You have said on multiple occasions that you want to be inside my head,” you say, tilting your head in his hands and looking at him, your whole body relaxing under his gaze. “I’m scared.”

“Of?”

“Of everything,” you whisper, closing your eyes and leaning your head barely against his chest, afraid of getting makeup on his suit. “I wrote this novel in the worst time in our lives and I rewrote it when I was in the midst of all the postpartum emotions with Attie. I just, what if everyone thinks I don’t deserve it?” Matty’s eyes are burning into yours as you spill out every thought in your head, just as he always asks you to do. “I’m really scared that even with what I wrote, even with what I say, I haven’t done for our story what it deserves.”

“Gorgeous, are you listening to me?” Matty says, waiting for you to nod quietly before continuing. “That work of art you created, that tells the story of what someone goes through when they love someone that’s an addict, it’s something not many people could do. You,” he says with a wetness to his voice that makes you want to cry, “you told our story with such grace and love and care, and I couldn’t have pictured it being written any other way. You deserve all the praise in the world. I won’t listen to you say anything less than that.”

“I love you,” you say, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and hugging him tightly, his arms squeezing around your waist. Matty hums against you, holding you against his chest. “You look so handsome. I’m going to take advantage of you later.”

“Oh? You’re going to take advantage of me?” Matty smirks against your neck, kissing you repeatedly. He laughs when you nod against him, hiding his face in your neck as you sway back and forth for a moment. “Attie is too quiet. I should go check on her before we find her hanging from a chandelier with Mayhem.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” you laugh, reluctantly pulling away from him and patting his backside on the way out the door. “I love you.”

“I love you more, beautiful,” Matty grins, winking at you as he walks out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, searching around for your daughter. “Attie James! Are you hanging from the ceiling, again?”

Matty’s voice echoes around the house, and you can hear Attie’s tiny, mischievous giggles filtering in after him. He is the best father. Quite honestly, better than you imagined him to be when you found out you were pregnant a few years ago. Attie adores him, and you are certain you’ve never been more in love with him. And yet, Matty somehow challenges that idea, every single day. Hearing him, seeing him with your daughter, it’s hard to believe there was ever a moment in your life where you questioned being with him, where you said that he wouldn’t make a partner and a good parent. It’s hard to believe that there was a time where you had left.

All the things you said all those years ago still linger, albeit in a different capacity, but the reminder of what was is weighing heavily on you as you prepare yourself to giving a speech about the very worst moment in your life, the moments you told Matty that you were leaving.

Only ten feet stand between the base of the stairs and the front door. Only ten feet stand between where you are and where the jingling keys are making noise from outside. Only ten feet.

Only ten feet that feels like twenty, especially when it’s been hours since Matty was meant to come home, hours since your meeting with your agent and editor – a meeting he was meant to be at – and hours since you got home alone to an empty house.

Matty stumbles in over the welcome mat, swearing under his breath as he tosses his keys on the side table and toes off his shoes. He brushes his hair back away from his forehead before looking up and seeing you. He jumps, “Fucking hell, YN. You scared me.”

“Don’t lie to me,” you say first, your eyes cast on your arms folded over your knees. You never thought you’d have to say these words, not to him, and they feel heavy and foreign on your tongue. “Are you cheating on me?”

Matty rubs his hands over his face, “What?”

“Are you cheating on me?” you say again wiping the tears from your face and standing upright, your arms folded over your chest. He is standing too far from you, but you need him to stay there, you can’t give in, you can’t forget how you’re feeling. “Just tell me.”

“No! I’m not cheating on you. Why would you even say that?”

“Why would I even say that,” you laugh sarcastically, shaking your head as you climb off the stairs and stand in front of him. “You missed a really important dinner, tonight. Did you forget that?”

“Shit.”

“That’s all you have to say? Shit?” you say angrily, your eyes welling with tears as you watch him try to collect his thoughts. He’s been different for a while, you knew this, you were just getting painfully good at pretending he wasn’t. He reaches out to you, and you know what will happen. You know you’ll give in. You turn away, storming up the stairs, the tears falling freely down your cheeks as you rush into the bedroom and quickly grab a bag from your side of the closet. Matty follows you, quickly and panicked up the stairs.

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t know,” you lie, trying desperately not to tell him. He’ll find out eventually. Everyone knows where you’re going. Everyone but him.

“All because I missed your dinner?”

“No, Matty. Not because of the fucking dinner.” His eyes are welling with tears when you turn to face him, the clothes thrown into your bag a messy array of things you could pull from your dresser. “You’re lying to me. You’re lying to everyone. You come home late. No one knows where you are.”

“I’m not cheating on you. I swear.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I had a long day. Can we please do this tomorrow? I have a headache,” Matty grumbles, walking deeper into the bedroom and reaching for your bag. Quickly, you pull it away, zipping it up and tossing it towards the door. “Don’t start driving now. It’s late.” Matty grabs your wrist and turns you around, and the words bubbling in your throat escape before you can stop yourself.

“You would make a terrible father, Matty.”

Matty’s hand suddenly goes limp around your wrist. “Hold on a second.”

You grab the duffle bag quickly, slinging it over your shoulder and walking towards the door, stopping momentarily to say, “If by some chance I am pregnant, and you better pray to a god that I am not, you are taking me to take care of it and then we’re done. I’m done with you.”

“You think you’re pregnant?”

“Oh my god,” you laugh wetly, shaking your head and drying your eyes quickly, “you are such an asshole. You are such an asshole and I can’t believe I love you.” Your eyes are hazy when you hurry down the stairs and grab your keys from the side table, his footsteps hurrying behind you.

Matty follows you out to your car, holding the door open when you get into the driver’s seat and start the engine. “Can you pause for just a second? You think you’re pregnant?” His eyes are returning to their typical softness, to the honey color that you adore. “Why do you want to get rid of it? Why didn’t you tell me? Why can’t we talk about this?”

“I can’t talk to you,” you cry, harshly wiping your cheeks and trying to stare in front of you, not daring to look at him.

“YN, we don’t have do anything drastic. Having a baby is something we talked about, you know? Okay, so, we get married and all that a bit earlier than we planned. Why’s that such an issue?”

“Wow,” you whisper, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth, nodding as you swallow back a fresh set of tears. “My big proposal is because my strung out boyfriend might’ve gotten me pregnant. Very romantic.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m tripping over my words.”

“How did you mean it? Getting married because you think I might be pregnant. That’s pretty much it, Matty. I don’t know about you, but that’s not how I pictured us getting married. Especially not with you out of your mind like how you are, right now.”

“Come inside and we’ll go to sleep and wake up and talk about this,” Matty says softly, gently laying his hand on yours on the steering wheel. “Please, baby.”

“No, I can’t even look at you,” you say, and you can know what you have to say, you know the words that need to be said for him to get his head on straight, but you don’t want to tell him, you don’t want to say a thing. “Maybe losing me doesn’t matter, but maybe losing your friends will.”

“You can’t tell them, YN. It was only one time.”

“Why not? Why can’t I tell them? Especially since you just keep lying to me.” Matty pulls his hand away from you, and for the first time, you look at him, and you see that he’s crying, too. “I already told them. Maybe you don’t give a fuck about me, but I know you care about them.”

“Don’t do this. I thought you were on my side.”

“No, I am not on your side for this, Matty,” you say, the words on your tongue feeling like bile in your throat. “I’m not on your side, because whatever is going on is making me fall out of love with you.” Matty steps back, and you take the opportunity to shut the door, the tears on your cheeks blinding you as you reverse out of the driveway and pull away as fast as possible.

Matty is standing at the edge of the driveway as you pull away, his figure growing smaller and smaller as you watch him in the rear view mirror. He doesn’t take long to rush to his phone and start calling you, and you have to force yourself to turn off your phone. He’s going to find you eventually, it won’t take very long to figure out that you’ve hidden yourself at George’s, but you need time to think, and to sort out what you’re going to say to him when he finally reaches out.

George gets a call rather quickly, as you both anticipated. He says that he doesn’t know where you are, that he hasn’t heard from you, all while you’re sitting in a pile under blankets on his couch. He offers you a sweatshirt, but you decline, taking one of Matty’s out of your bag and bringing it over yourself. His is bigger on you, warm around your body. His smells like him, like him before all this. George’s words are drowned out in your head, a mess of syllables as you listen to him argue about why Matty can’t come over. He must’ve agreed, because George hangs up the phone and comes and sits beside you, patting your knee soothingly.

“I think you should go into my room, love,” George says softly, his hand held out for yours and encouraging you to stand. “I don’t know how ugly this is going to get. Adam and Ross are coming, now. I just, I don’t know what he’s going to say and I don’t want you to hear something you shouldn’t. He’s not all there right now, you know? He probably doesn’t mean half the things he’s saying.”

“I don’t want to hide,” you say brokenly, a voice coming from you that you don’t even recognize. “He should know that I’m going to leave, if he doesn’t listen to you, to us.”

George nods and stands, walking towards the front door and letting Adam and Ross inside, the stars shining through the drawn curtains. All of you look like you haven’t slept in days, and you wonder if they haven’t, if this has been affecting them the way it’s been affecting you. Adam sits with you for a while, for the time while they wait for Matty to knock on the door. His knocks are loud and angry, startling you from your blanketed cocoon on the couch.

Matty and George’s voices are loud from the entryway, and you can feel Adam stand on his feet and Ross move closer to you, standing in front of you to block you from here Matty presumably is storming in.

“What the hell is this?” Matty asks exasperatedly, his curls limply clinging to his forehead with sweat. His looks around the room, staring into the faces of George, Ross, and Adam, and he knows exactly what is happening. “You lot are ridiculous.”

Matty’s reaction is exactly what you anticipated, the denial, the anger. His shouting amongst everyone else’s is deafening and you can feel your head wanting to explode with every raised voice. His arguments and harsh words broke your heart, especially knowing that he doesn’t really mean it. Matty looks between Adam and Ross, addressing you, “You think all this, too? You’re against me, too?”

His words make the air leave your lungs, your body shaky as you stand on your feet. “I have never once been against you, Matty. I love you. I love you and I don’t want to see you ruin your life, ruin my life with whatever the hell you’re doing. I won’t do this. I won’t. You’re making me not love you.” Matty’s eyes instantly wash over, and you grab the blanket to wrap around your body, to hide you from everything you’re feeling. “You have five minutes to figure out what you want to do. They’ll take you somewhere, if you want to. If you don’t, I’m moving out tomorrow and we’re over. I’ll never speak to you again. I mean it. I won’t watch you ruin your life.”

“I’ll go. I’ll go,” Matty says, not giving any option a second thought. His eyes are pouring into yours, seeing if you’re lying, if you’re just trying to trick him. “I’ll go. I’ll do anything.”

“George will take you in the morning,” you say quietly, cocooning the blanket around your body and moving around the guys, trying to make your way out of the room. “I’ll see you before you leave.” Matty is silent as you leave the room and it takes everything in you not to turn around and wrap your arms around him and promise him that everything is going to be okay.

Hours pass slowly through the night, and you’re sure that nothing has ever felt this horribly. Nothing has ever felt as bad as telling the love of your life that you don’t love them anymore. Nothing has ever felt as horrible as looking at the person you love most and knowing that you have to say the worst things imaginable to help them. Hours pass, and before you realize it, the sun is rising and you know that very soon, everyone will be back in the house saying goodbye.

George nods for Ross and Adam to walk out with him, leaving you and Matty by yourselves. Matty stands much too far for your liking, but you can’t bring yourself to ask him to come closer. Matty sighs, taking two steps closer to you, lowering his voice to a whisper when he says, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Yes.”

“Am I going to come back to all your stuff moved out?”

“No, not if you take this seriously,” you say, swallowing back your tears and meeting his red-rimmed stare. “I’m not going to do this, again. I’ll do it once. I’ll wait for you one time, Matty.”

Matty steps forward, and you immediately wrap yourself in his arms, holding him tightly against you. His tears wet your sweatshirt, and you can feel the reluctance and fear and shame in the silence. “Have I lost you for good? Can I ever come back from this?”

“You didn’t lose me,” you whisper, pulling away from him reluctantly and grabbing his cheeks. “I love you. Do you believe me?”

“I believe you,” Matty says quietly, the tears on his cheeks falling onto the pads of your thumbs. “Can I have one thing before I leave?” He waits for you to nod, knowing what he’s asking for. Matty kisses you gently, a kiss that says everything you can’t, and you savor it, savor it for knowing that when you see him next, things will be different, you’re both going to be different.

“And this year’s Pulitzer Prize goes to YN YLN for A Million Lifetimes.”

Matty stands with you, clapping loudly and whistling as you take a deep breath, holding your speech in your hands tightly, smiling against Matty’s mouth as he kisses you sweetly. “I love you, Sally,” he says with a smile, laughing when you shake your head and smack the papers against his chest.

Counting your steps carefully to the platformed podium, you hold the satin green dress by the hem, trying desperately to avoid tripping yourself. Matty is directly in your line of sight, smiling ear to ear, and you swear you’ve never felt more loved in your entire life. Out in front of you, your speech is laid out, a speech you memorized and repeated over and over again to your agent and editor, trying to perfect it. Taking a breath, you swallow your nerves, locking eyes with Matty and pretending that you’re saying everything to him.

“A Million Lifetimes is not a story I thought of randomly, nor is it a fictional story with no substance or background. A Million Lifetimes is a story close to me, because it is a fictional version of my love story. My love story is much like that of the characters. I fell in love at fifteen. I went away to university. I finally after years and years agreed to date the love of my life, after he had waited for me. I travelled the world with my best friends. I was so unbelievably happy. Knowing that this story is that of my life, also means addiction nearly ruined my relationship, my happiness. Addiction and Mental Health is so rarely talked about candidly, that we always see these stories ending in tragedy, in upset. Not this story. Not my story,” you say, looking away from your paper and looking into the audience, all the thoughtful stares and generous smiles making you feel more comfortable. Matty is staring at you with awe, and you want nothing more than to walk over and bring him on stage and say, This is the love of my life! This is the person that inspires me! This is him! He’s the reason I write and the reason I sing in the kitchen and the reason I want to believe in myself! It’s him! His hand over his heart says enough. “I learned firsthand what it means to love someone with addiction, and I learned firsthand what it means to not give up. Mental Health should be talked about more. Addiction should be talked about more. All of us have platforms and abilities to write and educate, and yet, so many of us don’t. I didn’t. I wrote this story in the height of my emotions when this was happening to me. I rewrote it when I was in the height of postpartum emotions, a few years back.” Matty’s eyes are beating into yours, you can feel it. “I used to think that this book wouldn’t do what it needed to. That I wouldn’t teach anybody anything. And yet, the longer the book is out, the more it’s talked about, the more I realize that my story is teaching people something, anything, and that to me is worth every tear I spent writing. I’ll continue using my voice to teach others, to inspire them to never give up. Most importantly, I want people to know, that the parts of ourselves that we deem unlovable, are always, can always be loved by someone else, even if you don’t believe it.” Matty stands and you lay your hand over your heart, staring at him with a smile. “Thank you to the love of my life, who I have loved since I was fifteen, who has inspired so many of my love stories. Thank you for inspiring my passion for falling in love, day after day. I wouldn’t have written this story without our story, and I am eternally grateful for you trusting me to tell my story.” Matty is crying, now, and you are, too. “Over a decade ago, I wrote on a very cheesy card, I didn’t say I was in love with you, but that doesn’t mean I am not fond of the ground you walk on. I’d wait a lifetime to walk alongside the ground you walk on.”

Ovations after ovations. Matty whistles and there are tears in your eyes and you’re holding your speech in your hand as you walk back to your table, hugging your agents and editors and your publishing house and soaking in every moment until you get to him, until the love of your life is standing in front of you, grabbing your cheeks and bringing your face to his, his nose brushing against yours. “You will forever have a much better way with words than I do, darling.”

“I’d like to think you can compare,” you hum, your eyes tracing his. His eyes are bright, wide, and you can see yourself clearly in them, you can see exactly who he sees – his wife, the mother of his children, his very best friend, his confidant, the one who makes him smile, his very first good morning and very last goodnight, his lover, his laughter, his muse, and inspiration. “I love you, from the very depth of my bones to the tips of my toes.”

Matty kisses you, your cheeks held tightly in his hands. He continues to kiss you, over and over, until he pulls away, only for a moment to say, “I need a million lifetimes with you. One is not simply enough.”

[urjustaguyonahorse]

LYDIA AND STILES

Not a shocker, their love is cosmic.

Lydia's relationship with Jackson was obviously NEVER going to last and was incredibly toxic for the both of them and I'm not going to count them as even a contender because I want them both to be happy. They did love each other and it was a huge thing for them to break it off after so long though.

Stiles relationship with Malia is a little more tricky because they were each other's first love and he was her anchor. They worked perfectly as a team even if together they were a little ruthless. But at least for Stiles, you always got the feeling he knew it was going to end. He loved her but when it came down to it, she was never his first choice. Which is something NOBODY, least of ALL Malia deserves in any relationship. Their lack of trust and lack of communication eventually tore them apart and it wasn't her fault but it was meant to lead to something better for them both.

Lydia's relationship with Aidan was shallow at best, and at worst it was simply them using each other.

Lydia's relationship with Parrish was -I feel like- not good, not the vibe at all, and not worth mentioning. If you love them together I'm so sorry this is not a personal attack.

STEREK. I am so sorry Sterek stans. Even if they were closer in age than Jeff wants us to think now when they first met, and even if he gave them a literally love child in Teen Wolf: T*e M***e, nothing about their relationship was even remotely healthy or an okay way to treat someone at the peak of their chemistry in the show. Towards the back half of the show their relationship cooled down more and they have what I think is a really beautiful friendship, but romantically they aren't well matched to last like that.

Lydia and Stiles have such a lovely relationship because they've been there with each other since the beginning. Stiles went from puppy love, to genuine respect and admiration, to faith and devotion, to being all in. Lydia went from cold and hardhearted, to caring and aware, to sincere affection, to absolute love and awe. Even at the very beginning, Stiles was the only one who saw through her bullshit facade and convinced her that the best version of herself was the one she was hiding. They both push each other to be the best versions of themselves, centering each other when things get tough and restoring faith in themselves.

Even though they're only actual lovers for less than half a season with about two minutes of screen time they've been lovers tHiS wHoLe TiMe. I'm a sucker for a good slowburn. He would go to any lengths to protect her, including sacrificing himself in the process. He understands her in a way nobody else does, and knows what he needs to do to bring her back when she's spiraling. She never lets him give up on himself and refuses to give up on him even when she's the only one who even thinks he exists. She stayed by his side and refused to let him go or let him panic. She grounds him. She's logical when he's irrational. He's firm when she's emotional. They're intellectually matched and understand each other even in complex problems that nobody else is putting together

They were (partially) unwilling dance partners. They were hesitant friends. They were partners in crime. They were detectives. They were trying to keep their friends alive. They were awkwardly kissing in a boys locker room. They were emotional tethers. They had sole faith in each other. They were the only reason the other was alive. They were a power duo. They were the smartest people you know. They were going to get back to each other. They were lovers. (They were breaking up because Lydia had a dream that Stiles died in a car accident???????????????)

They essentially have a cosmic love that transcends reality, which incidentally, I am also a sucker for. When he was entirely erased from every single person's life, she still remembered him enough to be committed to getting him back even if everyone around her thought she had lost it. And she eventually brought him back from a place nobody had come back from before. How could it be anybody but them.

[lurkingshan]

La Pluie and the Aftermath 

There’s something so satisfying about a story that pays off every beat it has set up, isn’t there? I am going to have comparably less to say about this episode than the last one, and it’s not because it’s any less masterful. It’s because I already said it last week, because this show’s writing is so damn consistent that after watching that episode I knew exactly what needed to happen to continue the characters’ emotional arcs. 

Shoutout to @wen-kexing-apologist, @neuroticbookworm, @bengiyo, and @fadelikeclouds, all of whom wrote relevant essays I’ve linked to here. 

So in this episode, we continue the arcs for our core four as expected:

Tien is sad, delivering truths Tai needs, and generally continuing to be an emotional rock even as he nurses his own broken heart

Lomfon has realized that he kissed the wrong brother, and is beginning to clean up his mess with a much needed apology to Tai

Patts is going through it (and lord does Pee continue to kill it in this final arc) and still upset with Tai, but because he’s Patts he still tries to compromise and reach out one more time (which the show smartly blocks with a well-timed misunderstanding) before he decides to pack up and try a change of scenery to nurse his broken heart

Tai stubbornly continues to passively wait for Patts to be the one to make amends, forgives Lomfon easily (because that boy never mattered to him enough to bother holding a grudge), and then goes and pitches a fit at his mother’s wedding because he continues to be entirely self-absorbed 

The grace Tai received from his family is perhaps more than he deserved given his extremely childish behavior in the context of those scenes, but we know how much he needed to finally understand what happened with his parents so that he could begin to heal and get his shit together about Patts. I really loved the direction the show took with this. As it usually does (episode 10's big explosion excepted), the show steered away from high drama and revealed that their breakup was entirely mundane - they realized their romantic relationship wasn’t working, and decided to split up even though they still love each other.

@sliceduplife and @neuroticbookworm pointed out to me that this episode is the first time we actually learn Tai’s parents names - Yadfah and Warun - and I think it’s because this is the first time we are seeing them as actual people instead of stand-ins for Tai’s hang-ups. And as we learned, contra to Tai's long held belief, it was Tai’s dad who ultimately decided to release them from this obligatory soulmate marriage, giving them the freedom they needed to live happier lives while keeping their platonic connection intact and sticking together through the rain. 

That’s fucking beautiful, and you could see how moved and shaken Tai was as he realized he’d gotten it all wrong. And his dad did us one better by making the point explicit: Tai done fucked up by dumping Patts, and needed a reminder that when you find a good love, you have to take care of it.

Tai needed to hear that so desperately. He did so much damage to his relationships, and for no damn good reason. Tien already made sure he knew that it was his lying that caused all the drama, and now he can see from the way his parents treat each other that his approach to his relationship with Patts has been wrong-headed from the start. And so we head into the finale where we’ll get to see him finally be the one to reach out to Patts, to use his words, and to make amends for the things he got wrong.

I want to end by just mentioning how incredible it is that this show managed to wind up to such a high drama emotional climax and then pivot immediately to such a quiet, calm release of tension while keeping everything emotionally consistent. This is only possible when the writing, acting, directing, and editing all come together perfectly. I have every confidence that La Pluie will stick the landing.

[otterandterrierwrites]

How about

33

19

14

14 Days of Scoundress 2024 ♥ February 13th

Making amends

‘I don't know what you want me to tell you, Han, you know I’m busy—I need to get this done today.’

She barely looked up at Han when she spoke, which more or less confirmed what he feared. Still, he persevered.

‘C’mon, you’re sayin’ you can’t take some time to have lunch with me? The galaxy ain’t gonna be saved in ten minutes, Leia.’

Her jaw tightened in clear annoyance. 

‘You know lunch doesn’t take ten minutes. A protein bar does, which I have right here,’ Leia said, patting her desk drawer.

‘Sweetheart,’ he tried in a softer tone, leaning back on her desk, ‘you’ve been livin’ out of those things for the past week. You need a proper meal, and to get outta here for a bit. I’ve barely even seen you home. What do I gotta do, make an appointment with your secretary?’

Leia slammed her stylus down on her desk, eyes flashing up at him under a frown.

‘I’m really sorry I can’t prioritize being your girlfriend the week before we’re supposed to put war criminals on trial, Han,’ she told him, her voice like burning ice. ‘I thought you’d understand more than anyone that I might not be able to do a dinner date—’

‘You don’t have to patronize me.’

‘Oh, I’m patronizing you?’ she hissed, an effort to keep her voice from spilling out of her office. ‘I think I don’t need you to take care of myself!’

Han grit his teeth. 

‘No, ‘course you don’t, what was I thinking. You’re perfectly capable of lookin’ after yourself. I’m sure you even find time to brush your teeth if you put it down on your calendar.’ He knocked down on her desk. ‘I’ll get out of your hair now, Your Highness.’

He stormed out of her office without looking back. There were often a million and one things on Leia’s plate, and people still believed they could fit in a million and two, so she did, too. Han remembered that Leia well: for three years, he’d watched as she wrapped herself up in her work so nothing and nobody could get through, convinced that she could work herself to the bone and still keep going. Rebuffing, then grudgingly accepting Han’s attempts to keep her alive as a person, not just a cog in a war machine. So he wasn’t hurt by her words—he was worried. He hadn’t seen that Leia in a long time. And he understood that the trials would be the one thing to bring her back out, but—he didn’t have to like it.

For now, he figured he’d give her some space, and hope that she came around in her own time.

------------------------------------------------

Leia found Han catching up on the Agrilat swoop races at home. After he’d left her office earlier in the day, she had stewed in her annoyance as she worked, blaming him for the distraction that would slow her down. As evening fell, she’d felt depleted. Her brain had replayed every one of her words to him—words he hadn’t deserved. She’d suddenly felt like she was back in the war, staving off feeling with action. The trials hadn’t even started yet, and she was already letting them take their toll on her and her relationship, just so she didn’t have to face all the emotions they were bringing up.

She wasn’t the same person she was during the war, though. Didn’t want to be. That person had been too angry and scared of ever feeling a pain as big as Alderaan again, so instead, she’d tried to numb herself down. If it hadn’t been for Han, maybe she would have succeeded. This time, it was on her to make the choice to break out of her shell.

Han looked over his shoulder at the sound of the front door opening, then turned off the viewscreen and waited as she sat down next to him on the sofa, tucking her feet under her.

‘I’m sorry,’ she started. ‘I do need you, it turns out. It’s just been so… so…’

‘I know,’ Han interrupted her, saving her from having to put all the overwhelm she’d been feeling into words. ‘But you don’t have to let it kill you. Don’t let ‘em have that kind of power over you.’

Nodding, Leia leaned forward, sealing their reconciliation with a kiss. Han wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his lap, and she settled in comfortably, fingers threading through his hair as she tilted his head back and deepened the kiss.

‘Do you have to go back to work tonight?’ Han asked, his voice a low rumble that vibrated through the length of her body as he trailed his fingers down her throat. ‘Or can I request Her Senatorship’s presence for a meeting about stress relief?’

‘Mm… that wasn’t on my itinerary today,’ Leia told him, pulling his bottom lip lightly between her teeth. ‘But… yes, I think I can fit you in, hotshot.’

******* Prompts:

33: as an apology

19: “That wasn’t in my itinerary today.”

14 swapped for 15: [bite] a playful kiss that involves some light biting

[signaturedish]

Hello, I've read perfectly alien completely over 10 times since 2017 and I don't think I'll ever get sick of it. (I like to listen to it in audio book mode through the FF app) I just want to say that I'm very grateful that you share your stories for free. I honestly am willing to pay for this because the story telling and emotions you convey through words always hit me. Thank you for making and sharing your work. If PA has no fans, then that means I am no longer on earth.

Hello biggerbagofsin!

That is one of the most incredibly kind things anyone has ever said to me and I just wanted to really thank you. I kind of abruptly abandoned this blog for a while and was really nervous about coming back for anything, but you and others in my asks definitely deserve responses. You’ve all been so amazing and I’m so glad I wrote even things I didn’t finish because of the people I got to meet in the process.

I’m going to go through my backlog right now so I just wanted to respond and say that you taking the time to read things I wrote years ago means so much more than money and I really do appreciate you for sticking through all my nonsense!!

I also wanted to officially declare Perfectly Alien abandoned, I won’t delete it and I noticed you left a really good idea for compiling some of the PA adjacent stuff here on ao3 which I’m going to check out- that’s a great idea. But the main story is over- it’s not something I’m excited about anymore, although it’s one of my favorite works and I have really fond memories thanks to all of you, it’s not something I look forward to.

And besides that, on a stickier note. HP used to be my crossover vehicle since the world is simple and the characters are easy to change, I have a ton of fics I adore from the HP fandom and every now and then I read one, but the author has thoroughly trashed my enthusiasm for engaging with that world any further. Death of the author is a messy subject when that author is alive and using their profits to actively harm others, and this discourse has certainly been discussed in better ways than I ever could multiple times over. But for me, I understand reasons people have for engaging anyways, this isn’t a place for judgement- I wrote PA during the Bayverse lmao- but it’s not fun anymore.

Anyway this response has gone on long enough and if anyone has bothered to read all of it, thank you so much. I’m going to go through all my asks, and then do some overhauls for this blog. I’m moving away from TF and HP and I fully understand and encourage jumping ship if that’s what you came here for, I’m going to be moving forward with more current interests now.

[howdiditend17]

THEO APPRECIATION WEEK

day 1 — emotions

you keep a casket buried deep within, you try to mask it, but fall back in sin, you want to shake it off, but you are stuck inside

— spillways, ghost

HELLO!!!!! i’m so so so excited to be doing this theo appreciation week because he deserves it so much 🥺 i’ll be posting an edit similar to this each day for the event, and i’ll, down here, explain my thought process a little for anyone interested.

so day 1 was emotions, and it was also the first day i worked on. i considered making a moodboard, so i went to pinterest. only i wasn’t finding what i was looking for. so i decided on a theme: song lyrics. i have SOOO many theo songs in my theo playlist (which i’ll share on here eventually) that i just had to turn to it for inspiration. and then spillways came on. and boy oh boy was i immediately struck with inspiration. the prompt is “emotions,” and this song to me covered them perfectly. i couldn’t decide which lyrics to use in this post, because the whole song just gives me such theo vibes. i mean here’s the beginning:

through benediction

you tried to rid your mind of malediction

but through all this time

you tried to peel it off, and it’s such a ride

your desolation led you into this

vile incarnation of consummated bliss

i know you need it now to make you feel alive

ISN’T THAT SO THEO??? this song is just wonderful for him post-hell. and so i chose the chorus for this edit, because i thought it fit wonderfully.

all your faith, all your rage <— i know he claims he’s an atheist, but i personally headcanon that he may have a complicated relationship with religion. i myself have one, so that may just be me trauma-dumping. but i can imagine he’d feel like there must not be a god if he’d allowed him to suffer so much. i can understand why he’s turned his back on any faith he may have felt.

all your pain, it ain’t over now <— and isn’t this just true? his pain didn’t all end post-hell. now he’s homeless and has no one who cares for him, and he canonically suffers from flashbacks. so his pain isn’t over.

and i ain’t talking ‘bout forgiveness <— i toyed with which scene to use here. i almost used the scene where mason tells him he can’t take pain if he doesn’t care, because that fits more aptly to the line. the line says i AIN’T talking ‘bout forgiveness. but . . . it’s theo appreciation week, and i wanted to at least *start out* not completely angsty (no promises some of these edits won’t be . . . y’all know me by now . . .). so i chose this scene instead, which i few as a forgiveness in a way since so many people are watching his redemption. it’s definitely a start in the right direction.

[eddiegettingshot]

hello again (personal opinions anon)

sorry you didn’t suggest otherwise! i just wanted to drop my two cents in as i see a lot of opinions going around that a queer eddie arc should be seasons-long

bi! buck was introduced in the last 5 minutes of 7x4 and the very next episode he was going on dates and coming out to his family. we didn’t even see him mulling it over by himself haha, the most we got of him thinking about it was a big sigh

i know this is all personal and subjective but i’ve spent hours over the years sitting at home alone thinking about what my queer identity could be. he literally got kissed once and then came out haha

while i agree that eddie does deserve a long careful arc and that it would probably take a lot more thinking by himself/talking it out with others when compared to buck, i don’t think it needs to be as drawn out as people are saying. this is a tv show after all, it’s not always perfectly realistic

ok good i was like that doesn’t sound like me but i wanted to make sure 😭

but YES i agree with you so much. i honestly… kind of don’t understand where the sentiment that it needs to span seasons comes from.

the thing is that like. i get it, why people want him to have this whole journey. but. honestly? it wouldn’t make for good tv. eddie’s ptsd arc was compelling because there was a lot of drama and emotion, we got to see him at dispatch, we saw him with chris and buck… but do we really want to spend an entire season watching him introspect over his sexuality? (i mean, i would, but most people would not). he’s not buck. there isn’t going to be an eddie version of 7x04 lol and if there is that… would be a shitty choice.

i understand that it’s real and important to some people to see the representation of this particular character figuring out that he’s not straight but if the ultimate goal is to get buck and eddie together (i honestly do not know why else they would even give him a coming out arc if not that at this point lol) then it makes way more sense for eddie to come to terms with it quickly so they can do more buddie relationship drama, which is what people actually want to see. and maybe he’d still have stuff to work through after that but it certainly would not be a completely independent self-reflection type thing.

[actuallyitsstar]

Maverick + 2, 21, and 22?

✨ send me a number and a character! ✨

2. favorite canon thing about this character?

i think that hands down i have to say that i actually really respect the writers/tc/whoever making the active choice to humanize maverick. in a lot of big Straight Man Macho Action Flex Movies (tm) i feel like this is hardcore frowned upon. but i gotta hand it to tc, because i feel like it's a through line for his films- my poor traumatized meow meow ethan hunt comes to mind- that his action hero characters are like. PEOPLE. with emotions. who behave in a way you can empathize with and unpack.

like even in the original movie, though they are obviously not explicit in discussing it, they do address the way a scare can shake you up, the way there's no shame in it. viper even says as much to maverick when he's thinking of quitting. there's no shame in it. that spin was hell, it would've shook me up. there's no shame in cougar quitting either- he still is a good man, as mav helpfully reminds the others. he disobeys orders to help cougar, (i'd like to get on my 'parallels to jake launching against orders to save mav and bradley' high horse here but its not relevant rn so i'm gonna refrain), and he defends cougar's honor to the others multiple times. of course there's the surprising (for an 80s movie full of cheese and needless romance subplots and sweaty men) amount of emotional intelligence in goose and mav's conversation at the housing, when mav apologizes for showboating and makes the ~promise~ to goose and goose gets to display his immense working knowledge of What Makes Mav Tick. for all of that famous ego we've seen in action, mav is perfectly capable of listening to what goose has to say and understanding his point and conceding without making it about himself. that right there is some surprising emotional intelligence (which never coping with losing goose will promptly destroy but i digress)

and then there's the post goose's death universe- they let it haunt him. as they should, but i feel a lot of films in a similar genre and style wouldn't be willing to dwell on it so. he gets to cry. a lot. he's literally in the jet in top gun '86 with just. tears running down his face. then there's tgm- there's the scene outside the hard deck and there's the scene with ice and there's the funeral and there's the fight with bradley on base and there's but you are here and the hug on the carrier. he gets to be genuinely emotional and heartfelt. he gets to express actual in the moment feelings that are not just anger and are not just with a ~love interest~. HE GETS TO BE HUMAN !!! HE GETS TO BE SOFT !!! THATS SO IMPORTANT TO ME. probably wouldn't be my number one blorbo man if it weren't for that.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

aaaaaaa i think my favorite (evil) thing about writing mav is the unreliable narration. it's rly great (read: painful) to sit down and just say the craziest shit that is not true as if it is fact and then know he that he really thinks like that. hes just like 'of course he can't expect the most basic human decency known to man from his closest friends and family because it is unreasonable to imagine someone as horrible as himself could ever deserve it' and he's just talking about like. needing somebody to pick him up from the airport. and you're just like wow. this little guy is fucked up huh

least favorite tho....... it's a two sided coin. it can't be too on the nose and it can't be too over-the-top. mav is great at being/seeming functional, on a surface level. it's only when you get inside of the one bedroom apartment with a bedroom he is not allowed to use bc that's for just in case his long lost son ever comes home or whatever that you realize something is wrong. his pov can't be too down or too depressed. it's mostly objective, with just a direct little splash here and there, just enough so the reader can be like 'okay. yeah. makes sense. alright. still making sense. and....wildest most untrue thing you could possibly say about yourself. alright yeah he needs therapy' <3

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

aaaaaa so many amazing authors in this fandom do so much that i adore i don't even know where to start, but i guess one of my favorite things has to be when he's just very *shrugs* about the flyboys and they've already decided that he's one of them now. it's really great to know we just all agreed somehow that this is a found family group of aviators who barely have any screen time with each other, and that we all just agreed that mav probably doesn't understand the invitation to be as direct as they mean it because he is frankly unused to receiving such direct invitations period. there is nothing like watching an idiot who needs loved get roped into a found family. like !! yeah !!! get loved !! do it !!! it can't be stopped !!

and hmm something i don't like. very much the reverse again, in a way, but i think one of my least favorite things has got to be either over-infantalizing him into like, way too much of the "baby brother" in the group (i am not denying that this is objectively probably his role, just that this does not mean he is going to be acting like he is 5). he knows how to do the basics. he's an adult man who is technically capable of taking care of himself (though whether he feels he deserves the effort is a different story). you have to be hella fucking smart to graduate with the kinds of degrees and experience you need to do what mav does. he's a fully capable adult. he's just also a little dumb about the self care sometimes. they're not mutually exclusive.

[femmefatalevibe]

hi love! how are you doing? i hope you're well? your blog is one of my favorites and im absolutely obsessed with everything you have to say and all of your advice.

which is why i'd like to ask for some right now. i want princess treatment, but i'm not sure how to ensure that i get it. other than simply asking for it, are there any things i can do that just makes people subconsciously understand that i deserve princess treatment?

im looking forward to your response ♡

Hi love! This compliment made my day. Thank you for your kind words and support. You're so kind <3

Honestly, I believe the key to getting what is now called "princess treatment" is first giving this mindset/lifestyle to yourself – both through inner and external work and then finding a partner who matches/is compatible with you're evolved self. People treat you the way you treat yourself. You need to teach others how to treat you. This isn't manipulation – it's a way of setting boundaries as a form of respect and love for yourself (and ultimately, the other person).

On a more granular level, I will say that a lot of partners take pleasure in being generous – you just need to be upfront about the things that make you feel special/desired/cared for in a relationship. Share how a massage at night, weekly nights out, etc. help you feel closer to your partner and allow your needs to feel seen in your interpersonal dynamic. Everyone is entitled to their preferences, likes, dislikes, turn-ons, turn-offs, and priorities in life/any relationship. Ensure you frame your desires as your evaluation criteria/ways you experience joy and pleasure in a relationship – not vague expectations as a way to test someone to see if they "measure up" to your unspoken desires. If you're incompatible with someone in this way, it's perfectly acceptable (encouraged) to walk away and move on.

Everyone should feel as though they're getting their needs met in a relationship. Self-sacrifice is a dealbreaker on both sides. There's miscommunication and then there's emotional immaturity. Dealing with the latter is a headache and does neither party any favors.

Hope this helps xx

[countessrivers]

Yalex 14, 20, 28, 51

14. How do their personalities compliment each other? How do they clash?

Clashing moral codes is probably the big one, obviously (Yassen thinks it's fine if millions of people and/or children die. Alex would disagree), but I think that also speaks to interesting ideas about who they both are. Because Alex and Yassen have quite similar starting points, and while there is more time (and trauma) on Yassen's side, I think the outcome is/would be very different. Like, if this makes sense, I think Yassen is more of a survivor than Alex, in the sense that he'll bend, he'll change, he'll do whatever it takes to survive, whereas Alex won't to the same extent.

Alex is resourceful of course, he endures a lot, he's a fighter and he'll fight to survive, but not in the same way Yassen would/did. I mean, could Alex bend without breaking the way Yassen did? Could he stop fighting long enough to survive? Could he twist and change and smother himself enough to live through something like Sharkovsky? Or even Scorpia? Could he make himself kill, again and again and again, when not driven by emotional fueled revenge?

Part of me doesn't think he could, which brings us back to the clashing moral codes where Alex, I don't think, could ever condone doing or even allowing the things Yassen does, even for his own benefit/survival.

This is also something that we arguably do see clash in canon re: the bull thing. Throwing Alex into a ring with a live bull (not to mention allowing a man with a gun who very much wanted Alex dead to stay behind) is an absolute insane choice (Yassen you are insane!) and you can debate whether Yassen would have killed Alex directly in that moment had he been a more pressing threat, but the whole scenario is undeniably dangerous. However, I think, in Yassen's mind, there is a method to this madness. He wants Alex to prove he has what it takes. That he can, that he deserves, to survive. In Yassen's eyes Alex had been given an opportunity to walk away, and he hadn't taken it, so now, he has to prove himself, deal with the consequences, and show that he wants to live, that he's willing to push past pain and fear and humiliation to survive. The whole thing might seem like a cruel, crazy death sentence to Alex, but I feel like, in Yassen's mind, it's a test, a chance for Alex to demonstrate that he can survive, and that he wants it badly enough. Otherwise Yassen might as well get it over with now.

For Yassen, you do whatever it takes to live another day.

Beyond that though, were they to team up properly, no one would stand a chance. Experience to balance out the inexperience, brashness and youthful creativity (recklessness) and precision. Like, I think if Alex could convince Yassen to stop working for mass murderers, then they'd work well together. And purely relationship-wise, their similar traumas and losses, their experience in this world of spies and assassins, would allow for a really deep understanding and acceptance. They could be open with each other in ways they couldn't be with anyone else, understand why they act or respond certain ways

20. Choose one song that perfectly describes their relationship.

No, it's literally ‘Side to Side’ by Nicki Minaj and Ariana Grande.

I don't know if I have a definitive Yalex song (I might have a few Alex ones) but the closest would probably be the theme song, because what is 'The World Is Mine' about if it's not about Alex and Yassen running away together?

28. What are their thoughts on pet names? Do they have any?

Yassen would probably stick with the standard Russian diminutives - Sasha etc, and Alex itself is already a nickname. I feel like Alex would stick with “Yassen”, maybe “Yas” at a push, though he'd pull out over the top, ridiculously cheesy ones if he was trying to be obnoxious.

51. What’s a non verbal way they say I love you?

It's all about the life saving. The sparing, the refusal to kill or expose, the hesitating, the letting escape. The putting themselves in front of a bullet.

[dimestorefairytales]

Recent Reads - The Secret Society of Very Irregular Witches

I don't often write book reviews, but it is something I want to do more to discuss what I've read lately. Also, this book hit me very very hard. I got it off a library hold the morning of April 26th, which was a work day, but I still had it finished by noon the following day because I didn't want to put it down even when it was making me cry.

At its heart, The Secret Society of Very Irregular Witches by Sangu Mandanna is a story about accepting yourself, finding where you belong, and learning that you are absolutely deserving of being loved. These are things that are, essentially, a gut punch to me even at an age a good decade older than the protagonist, Mika Moon.

It is, however, refreshing to read a book with a protagonist in their 30s that isn't settled into their perfect life, but just the life that works and lets them get through one day after the next. In spite of the age difference, and very different public faces between myself and Mika, she was an extremely easy character to empathize with and as you get deeper into the story and her feelings I found myself in tears more than once because of deeply understanding those emotions.

The characters in this work are charming, and I appreciate how well the children are written. Each has a personality of their own that shines, without coming off as if they are miniature adults. The adults were also wonderful, with Ian being an easy favorite for his enthusiasm and desire to meddle, though Jamie runs a very close second. I do wish there had been more of Lucie, but then, a sign of a wonderful cast is wanting to spend more time with those characters and I would immediately take any chance to do that with these.

I've never been one to annotate books much, though I've been doing so more these days, and there were so many things in this that I found myself having to highlight through tears (and once through overjoyed laughter). The writing is amazing, and drives home the point with a simplicity that works perfectly in many cases, and artful metaphors that I found myself rereading three or four times just to experience them again.

One of my annotations, and a line I hope I never forget, though it makes me ache in sympathetic feeling.

"'People are usually like the sea, a constant, unerasable part of something bigger, but I'm more like a single wave that washes over the shore, ebbs away, and doesn't leave a trace behind.'"

This book has left far more than a trace behind for me. The story and these characters stole my heart, and I look forward to exploring more of this author's work in the hope that it happens again. As of now, this is easily my favorite read of this year and one that I will be buying to come back to over and over.