#which i guess would be great but in retrospect it was like oh they probably meant do i have any idea what this notation means at all

[unproduciblesmackdown]

also looking close at the sheet music glimpse, i noted when i went "kiss me what?" and looked up the lyrics and it gave me that of those of a doris day rendition, that version apparently goes "down in lover's lane my dearie" instead of "lover's lane with you" despite that the latter creates a rhyme, and we do see the [my] rather than the [with] in the lyrics

the doris day version is a whole different arrangement certainly, and more downtempo

another thing that might suggest its arrangement, besides just its lyrics, being that that's three beats per measure in the sheet music, the doris day version sure is a waltz, and idk what time signature the kay starr version has but it's not 3/4....played out orville's line on a virtual keyboard too, definite harmonizing going on. now imagining it could go from this downtempo waltz and swing up into the kay starr version like whoa we gotta ease orv into this and he's never heard a song above 50 bpm in his life

[ladybender]

Jesus oh my god...

Futurama's second episode of this season "Quids Game" was a punch in the guts. In a good way! It goes right on par with episodes like "Cold Warriors" and "Game of Tones": an exploration of Fry's childhood, this time through the lens of mean aliens making him relieve his 8th birthday party games - this time to the death!

I have a lot to say about this episode so buckle up!

Let's start off with some minor complains I have for this one, which are pacing, stakes, and Leela's characterization (in a particular scene).

The episode really flew by so fast, almost at a break-necking pace, and the games felt too short and jam-packed because of that. The emotional weight of the end of each game hits hard because with every one a beloved character dies. There managed to find the time to get the reaction for the major ones (Kif, Leela's parents and grandmother), which is great, but the episode moves so quickly and there is little more time to absorbed it all.

Though, about this issue, I wanna say that I often feel like episodes are either going by too fast or too slow the first time I watch them and it usually doesn't feel the same from a second watch onward. so this is really a minor one that might not even be an problem for me later on, but I thought it was worth mentioning.

moving on to stakes, with this I mean that I originally thought, before the episode aired, that the end goal of the death dame was that the winner would get a prize. A birthday gift for example, and it would have incentivized everyone to go on and even play dirty (which, in retrospect, seems like a really smart thing to put in! compare everyone trying to get an advantage to Fry absolutely refusing to cheat, and pack an even bigger punch with that ending). I suppose playing to survive is motivation enough, but I think it undermines the "wants" of most other characters, and since this was a big coral episode (which is absolutely a strength! I can only imagine how hard it must have been to put together, wow!) I would have loved to see them striving to win, guess what their “birthday wish” would have been, maybe even learn a few of them along the way.

The third iffy thing I want to mention is Leela in the scene in the kitchen. There are seven characters left in the competition and only four baseballs to find to win the round. Leela is panicking trying to find one and she begs fry to cheat and find it for her since he already played when he was a kid and knows the house. Now this conflict was SO good and ALMOST perfect, but whyyyy oh why was Leela so ready to leave Fry behind??? doesn't make sense to me??? I know she was scared and upset bc she had just lost her family and that probably pushed her to act irrationally, but I just can't see her only wanting to keep herself alive and not Fry, especially when an easier and stronger solution is RIGHT THERE.

Have Leela go to Fry already with one of the baseball (that she might have found in some crawled and ridiculous place, to show how desperate she is to win and survive. if you have the wish giving stakes it's even better because you can imagine she'd use her gift to bring her parents back). in the meantime, the other characters find two other balls so there is only one left, and NOW Leela begs Fry to cheat to find the last one and win with her. It's even more emotional, Leela tells him she doesn't want to lose him too but Fry categorically doesn't want to cheat, and in the end tells Leela to win without him, sacrificing himself for her. Bender finds the last ball in the fridge and the episode continues just like we saw (with Bender tossing the ball to someone else right before being pulverized lol. like I said, Bender should be cheating like MAD in these games, really drive home the concept).

I wanna make it clear that these complains don't really turn me off from the whole episode, they are just my free flow of thoughts on stuff that i thought could have been stronger.

But now for the meat. This episode was phenomenal!!! so much good Fry's family characterization and SO much to unpack for Fry as a character. Cody Ziglar has such a spot on take on Fry, it was so validating seeing this episode and putting together all the little pieces of Fry's psyche I’ve picking out for years now, converging into one.

It seems superficial at first glance, but this really runs deeper than it looks. Fry has always been earnest but insecure, proven and proven again in countless episodes. You expect a person goofy and easygoing like Fry to go ham at his birthday and celebrate with all the people he loves, but we find out Fry doesn't like his birthday and feels bad about being put at the center of attention, and it all goes deeper and more upsetting from there.

Adding to all of this and speaking about Fry’s parents, especially his mom, I wanna add that it’s such a realistic conflict it was painful to watch – she wanted to give her son the chance to be a winner, she had no idea how the situation would turn against him. Sometimes a good day of parenting could be the kid’s most terrible experience of his life, and that’s brutal but the parent meant well even if they ruined things for their kid. It’s so sad Fry never got to see how much his mom and dad did for him, and she wanted him to feel like a winner, but this isn’t a story with an easy resolution. It’s bittersweet and it's insane and this last scene ruined me fr, like just look at this what the hell

This exploration of Fry goes hand in hand with everything we know of him. it seamlessly adds another layer of understanding that I’m honestly not even sure I can unpack in a single post, because there is so much to say and draw conclusions from, starting from the very first episode and ending with Meanwhile. From his relationship with his parents and his brother, to his love life and friendships, from his view of himself as a loser to the way he's always striving to better himself while always staying true to himself, trying to achieve his goals the hard way instead of finding an easy way out. Think the why of Fry, Parasite Lost, TKOS, the sting, godfella, my three suns, BBS, cold warriors, and on and on and on. It’s building together a picture of Fry’s character that’s so complex and worth exploring.

With this episode we have a new fundamental facet of him, and for this alone it’s an amazing episode.

I’ll mail my therapy bill to the writers, thank you

And thank you for reading, let me know your thoughts and opinion, I wanna know what y’all thought about this episode

[theromanticrationalist]

Catching up on Young Sheldon. . .

I can't believe Young Sheldon is almost over and Sheldon shall be leaving us for good! 😩 I just hope this finale with George's death and us seeing Sheldon and Amy as an "old married couple" will be worth all this pain!! I am hyping myself up for feeling A WHOLE LOT OF FEELZ. I AM NOT READY.

I was already getting pretty emotional in the A Fancy Article and A Scholarship for a Baby episode. Firstly my heart was aching for my poor baby who was under so much stress to choose which school he would be attending! I was feeling his distress at feeling pressure from all sides (especially since in retrospect we know the decision was genuinely a major life crossroads for him), and I was hating how everyone was manipulating him! It always upsets me a lot when people take advantage of Sheldon because of his naiveté or how his idiosyncrasies make him an easy target. I can definitely relate to some of that, having a similar naiveté as Sheldon and inability to read social behaviors, particularly of those closest to me (weirdly). I think I have gotten better, but mainly I feel like I've just gotten more insecure and socially awkward, but oh well. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

At any rate, I get so upset seeing Sheldon having to struggle with things in a way most people do not and having literally no one understand or acknowledge what he is going through. It might not be scenarios that seem important or vexing for others, but they genuinely and sincerely are for Sheldon, and that is valid. So many people think Sheldon is egotistical, and he definitely can be self-focused and arrogant many times, but come on! This boy is his only advocate! "Well, no one cares that you care," Missy said to Sheldon in episode 10. "I'm someone. And I care that I care. And I care that I care that I care!" To me pretty much sums him up perfectly! Sheldon isn't egotistical, he just knows how to self-advocate (which is actually very difficult for a lot of people) in a world that is difficult for him to navigate! Anyway, thankfully though, my heart was warmed by Dr. Linkletter and Sturgis finally coming around, turning against the awful and shameless President Hagemeyer, and doing right by our Sheldon. Dr. Linkletter loves the annoying little string bean after all! (Like anyone seriously couldn't!) I was very moved by their encouragement of Sheldon, that he had outgrown them, surpassed them, and was going to do great things in theoretical physics and advance science in ways that they never could! It was very touching. My little baby bean is all grown up, and off to destroy maths! 😭 But of course. . . that reveal of Sheldon choosing MIT! 😂😂😂 OMG! That was TOO PERFECT. I was DYING. I absolutely LOVED that twist! Sheldon Cooper is such a stink'in brat! This WHOLE time he was giving Howard (and others) a hard time about MIT, acting like it was a crap institution and that every other university is so far above it - and the only reason he himself did not go there was because of the weather! It was literally HIS FIRST CHOICE. OMG SHELDON LEE COOPER!! 🤣🤣🤣 And I loved how Sheldon Prime was just like "Wait for it. . ." like it was all self-evident his being justified in dissing MIT in the end. It is SO ON BRAND for Sheldon I couldn't take it! Probably the best story twist of this season!

It also made me want to scream because of George travelling with Sheldon to see him off on this new life adventure, and saying how proud he was of him. It is a beautiful parallel to earlier in Season 3 when George took Sheldon to visit Caltech to listen to a lecture by Stephen Hawking, and saying he believed Sheldon would fit right in there. To know that this is probably going to be the last moment that Sheldon and his father have together, and how fitting it should be his father to be the one to see him off, makes me just want to sob my heart out! UUUUUUUUUGH. 😭😭😭 Sheldon and his daddy! THIS ISN'T FAIR!! 😫😫😫😩😩😩💔💔💔 Final random thoughts: - I guess Sturgis and Connie aren't going to get back together. I'm really bummed about that. They were so perfect! No offense to Dale, but Sturgis is kind of the best. IT SHOULD BE STURGIS AND CECE HAVING CUTE GRANDPA AND GRAND BABY MOMENTS TOGETHER! - I go back and forth between being excited for the Georgie and Mandy's first marriage show, to being absolutely devastated that not only will Sheldon not be in it but neither will Missy! - to thinking it might actually be pretty cute. Ugh. I guess I will watch it, but I really don't know how they are going to make a whole show on the concept. I guess we will see! - I am noticing that Sheldon's "brain itch" and focus on organizing and optimizing spaces is developing right when the most change is happening in his family and within himself (puberty). Of course he was always this way, but he didn't used to care about the state of things outside of his own room or his own bubble, e.g. school/dorm/his computer. Now he is trying to order things beyond his immediate needs, and I think that is interesting! These are coping mechanisms and ways he can make himself feel secure and in control. Once again no one around him is taking note of this!!

Look at him! Look at this baby becoming a lawyer in 24 hours to help out his MeeMaw! My heart genuinely broke when Sheldon looked at his MeeMaw with the purest, most guileless, baby kitten eyes saying he didn't want to see her go to jail. DUDE. If I were Connie, I would shape up right then and there!

My Favorite Sheldon Cooper Quotes: Sheldon: "I finished organizing the religious items! I separated them by New Testament hokum, Old Testament hokum, and general nonsense!" Mary: "Also Sheldon couldn't sleep knowing that the room was only half-organized." Sheldon: "It's true! It was like my brain was itchy and I couldn't scratch it! Very irritating!" Mary: "It was. Very." Connie: "Well, I thank you both, but I should be doing this myself." Mary: "Yes, you should, but we are already here." Sheldon: "Great! I'm going to start with the books! I invented my own Dewey Decimal System, but instead of decimals I use fractions!" (The utter pure joy Sheldon gets from organizing things and inventing his own ways of doing it is the most precious thing. Be your truest self, baby!!" Sheldon Prime: "I'm not proud of this, but that night I relieved myself in Billy Spark's chicken coop. Until my wife, those hens were the only females I exposed myself to. . .I guess I could have left that part out. Oh well." (Me screaming and hollering and throwing popcorn at my screen!!)

[chzdavmpr]

Delicious in Dungeon Reading Diary Vol 5

Spoilers below, obviously

Oh so we are getting right into Falin weirdness off rip.

I called it that this person was the mad mage.

Hmm. So they recognize Laios, but know it's from within a painting that they recognize him. I'm surprised but I think that actually fully explains how the painting work. I guess it's time for a big rant on my guess as to how living painting work. If you don't care skip this paragraph. Ok so the mad mage made the paintings to trap people and it seems like whenever someone enters them a scene starts playing like a tape, except that people trapped inside can interact with things. These recordings are of things that actually happened, and the people within them act roughly how they actually did. However the mad mage is the exception to this. It seems that they can either perceive through the scenes of their painting counterpart or just know everything that happens in the painting. It also seems that they can choose to override their painting counterpart's recorded actions and take control of them, allowing them to know that laios was in all the paintings. This I'm a bit iffy on because if I recall they seem to think Laios is some kind of kingdom infiltrator in the painting which wouldn't quite line up but it's the best I got. Additionally you can draw/paint extra stuff onto the painting and it will be sentient but won't be in the painting proper, just kinda in a plane on top of the painting, or maybe that's just because Laios drew bad. Either way that is a lot, but hopefully this is the last time I should spend way too long talking about living paintings.

Very funny how the label follows them. I also love Senshi's face of "what the hell man those are my hams"

Oh so since Falin was made with the dragon's flesh and blood she is the dragon. Wait does this mean Falin is dead forever? I sure hope not.

I'm skipping over most of the next 3 chapters, I'll get to them in my final thoughts.

Wow this samurai guy is having just an awful time.

So senshi probably got the cheese from the orcs. But I should mention I've also been watching the anime with some friends as it comes out. And one of them has a huge pet peeve about every time they have oil in the dish, since he says they should've run out forever ago. I'm not bothered by it at all, and find it very funny how he reacts every time oil is on screen. The reason I bring this up now is if this cheese is seen more then just this once he is gonna blow his gourd and it will be very funny.

Senshi giving Chilchuck "the talk" is so funny that I literally got light head from laughing.

It's very cool that Laios is learning magic. I feel a lot of stories wouldn't do that just because he's "the fighter" and Marcille is "the wizard" and they would have to stay as those archetypes.

The art in this whole series is great. I love the way the cockatrice is drawn here.

It may have been fine if it didn't come right after another whole chapter where Chilchuck recaps the story so far like there's been a hiatus and they wanna make sure you remember everything.

Man this chapter is on a roll with these A+ panels

I somehow only just now, while taking the above picture, that the chapter called cleaners has the characters dressed up as cleaners. That's cute and I may be a little stupid.

Ok so I was gonna say this this guy may be Delgal hiding, since we saw that the mad mage is looking for him.

But then I remembered; isn't the whole backstory for the golden city that it's king told of the mad mage and then died? Cause that would make it kinda hard to find him.

But then now when I'm composing this I'm remembering that the dungeon doesn't allow people to die, so either he died right outside or that story was wrong. Hmmm.

Seriously every panel with Shuro has him look like the worlds most depressed man.

He's practically sinking into the earth.

You know in retrospect, if the Dungeon Gormet Guide was a bunch of lies and guesses it's awfully lucky that it's happened to be right about what is and is not poisonous. (Or which tentacles' swelling can be reduced with vinegar)

To conclude my thoughts on this volume, that first chapter is great. I was a little worried about what the next plot hook would be but it delivered. They just show straight up that the elf is the lord of the dungeon. And they introduce the mystery of "what is going on with falin." But then it spends 2 whole chapters just telling us stuff we already know. Like it was kinda cool seeing the B Team piece together who A Team is with limited knowledge, but other then the stuff about Shuro there wasn't much new or interesting.

And then the party is just trapped on the 5th floor the entire volume, I imagine because next volume their plans will change and they won't want to go back to the surface and the author wanted to avoid too much backtracking. Which I get, but it ends up feeling like a bunch of these chapters are just kinda killing time until the B team shows up.

That being said, still a great volume of manga. Probably the weakest so far, but only because it's a like a 4.5 instead of a 4.75 or 5.

[vanillaxoshi]

Ignore the first one, decided to write the whole thing instead of making it a 2 parter

(I would like to add that each scenario has more than 1 issue but the title for each is the "focused" one)

Tremors and poor motor skills control:

He was excited. Actually no. He was BEYOND excited; he was ECSTATIC.

After months, soo many months.. sooo long, tanah finally lets him in on a mission. Albeit it was a simple and easy mission but a mission nonetheless!

Not only that but it went amazingly, the only thing he feels a bit sad about is the fact he couldn't stay long enough on the planet to learn more about it.

Tho thankfully that planet is written thoroughly in one of TAPOPS library files (he researched before the mission)

And the mission after that also went well, he didn't really do anything but it felt great to be on the field. Good exercise too!

So of course he gets invited again tanah felt bad putting him on the sidelines for so long, its just him, tanah, petir, air, daun, and the rest of kokotaim; api isn't here because he broke his arm from punching a rock. He didn't even try using his powers.

Angin isn't here to keep api company, and to also keep an eye on him.. who knows what api would've done if left alone.

He shivers from being reminded of a particular.. explosive incident

Anyway

He fiddles with something in his hands, playing with it simply for the stimulation.

Their current mission brought them to a colorful planet, not only that but there is very little known about this planet (him, y&y, and fang did research together)

Which is great! He could make new discoveries, solve all the mysteries of this planet.. maybe he could convince Nut and Fang to research this planet with him. Heck the double y's could join them if they wanted.

That is if they had time and wanted to of course, hes fine doing it alone otherwise.

The planet from the outside looked a but dulled but its very beautiful when they actually landed.

I mean look at the flora of this planet, Daun had already tried a couple of times to recreate some of it (having a success rate of 75%)

He was currently holding and looking at one of the flowers Daun had summoned, it looked somewhat like a mix of a begonia and a black rose with its light red-pink and black pedals. But through his visors he could tell there is some toxins inside the flower, reminds him of a rhododendron, they should not eat this flower.

He feels a hand on his shoulder and realizes that the others have in fact stopped. Why? He has no idea

He was about to ask Fang and/or tanah when the former suddenly pulled him with his shadow hands. Millimeters away from his face getting absolutely stabbed with what appears to be a knife... or dagger

He should research weapons

They saw the knife-dagger thing float into the air and going through the leafs of the trees, probably heading back to its owner. Which is.. really not a good thing.

Oh no

In retrospect he should probably start assessing the situation, but he is more focused on the fact that his fingers had gotten pricked by the flowers thorns. He write down how sharp those thorns are... and that he should probably check if they're poison tipped.

Who could've guess his distractive mind would be his undoing, really he shouldn't be surprised; he knows about the whole "curiosity killed the cat"

"-OOK OUT!!"

The screamed brought him back to their current situation and oh. He was.. surrounded by leafs? Oh Daun is protecting him

Fang's shadow hand is still tightly rapped on one of his arms as if hes terrified of letting it go. Its a comfort thats currently both protecting AND grounding him.

It was also dragging him from the knifgers (he decided to calling it that instead of knife-daggers).

But being basically cocooned and dragged around is starting to feel very uncomfortable.

He hears Air telling him something but with everything going on he really cannot focus to what he was saying and everything all at once.

He wanted to help tho

A knifger was dugged into the ground next to him as he freed himself from the cocoon.

He observes the fight thats happening around him to figure out who the leader of their attackers are.

"-E would never give it to anyone unworthy!" He heard someone screamed, he turned to the sound of the voice and sees the spoker.

Said spoker seems to have a different weapon than the others. While the others threw their knifgers, this one seems to shoot them with a.. gun.. thing.

It had an intricate design that kinds matches his patterns but had more crackish patterns instead of futuristic swirls.

'The leader' his mind supplied for him

He dodges an incoming knifger by following Fang's shadow hand lead.

It seems he wasn't the only one thinking the same tho

Air and Petir seemed to figure out the same conclusion, but Air is more on the defense while Petir is on offense.

Sadly they were unmatched with the attackers light speed reflexes and blinding knifgers thats basically as fast as a light bullet.

In other words, both are losing.

But their assailant is no match to HIS light speed

He stopped to focus and study his opponent, ignoring the earth shield that protected him from being skewerd

Ground. Branch. Trees. Ground. Branch. Trees. Ground. Branch..

TREES

He collected the light into his hand, to make it into a small oneshot finisher. Making himself be a sniper of somesort

He readies his hand to shoot only for it to start shaking. It was only a himor thing, but his heart dropped.

'No.'

No.. no not now. Not now of all times

Despite knowing the implications. He grabbed his arm to steady it and shoots

But it seemed that was the biggest mistake he could make

3 things happened at a very short amount of time. But enough to cause him nightmares

The first was that his hand shook at the last second making him miss his aim

The second was the realization that Air figured out the pattern as well, and was attacking in close combat (for an element of surprise he guessed since he never done that before)

He was in the direct line of his light blast

The third was the sound of ripping clothes, burnt flesh, and screams

A direct hit to Air's shoulder

'Its his Ice shoulder its fine' his mind tried to ease him..

Everyone seemed to stop after that

He can see Daun and Petir rushing to Air

Their attacker also stopped and lowered their weapons.. why..?

"-the same power he did, i knew he'd have a successor," the leader spoke

"With how much light you condensed to make that clean of a blast, your power is astounding!" The leader is right infront of him now. Smiling. With a.. glint in his eyes

He doesn't know what it means

"Hopefully you'll be as great as he was, tho it seems you might be more powerfull than he was." The leader chuckled, "We will stand by your side when you decide its time, Successor."

.

.

.

What?

What are they talking about?

He feels Fang dragging him and getting infront of him, hes angry and shouting at the leader

Cahaya can feel Petir and Tanah's eyes on him after hearing the leader's words

They know he shot Air

Cahaya feels nothing tho

.

.

.

This is so wonderful, the characterization is so on point.

Cahaya still being the persistent, observational analyst and his smarts showing

I love his personality still being there and shown and i love how the symptoms presented, its focused and shows it affecting him through an important situation and it made such a big problem

Those whatever cult guys, pretty obvious there worshippers or smth to retakka and now i want to know more about this story because now its super interesting

This could be such a good plot for an episode or arc like this is an awesome set up

I love this so much entirely

[thewertsearch]

Asks Compilation 23/10

Done and done. I'm surprised I didn't already have a tag for them, to be honest!

Oh, fun! I always wonder if people are reading for the first time along with me. I'm sure you've overtaken me already by now!

I don't think I'd have as much fun with the blog if it was less blind. Even the knowledge that the trolls existed was enough to heavily influence my theories.

Aren't they thirteen?

Granted, we don't know if trolls mature at the same rate as humans, but they certainly seem to be in that age range to me.

Nepeta, resident matchmaker, seems unsure about the current status of the Sollux/Aradia relationship, but she'd definitely drawn a heart there before. Plus, Aradia immediately identified the '8oyfriend' as Sollux, so there is something going on with them.

If it does, and he did, then that's pretty clever - but unfortunately for him, it's probably futile. There are surely a million other ways she could manipulate his desires.

I know Homestuck is controversial, but I always had the vague idea that, like Undertale, its reputation had a lot more to do with the fandom than the property itself.

I'm surprised there's that many people who say the comic is bad. The comic is great. Even if, worst-case-scenario, it jumps the shark on the very next page, there's still so much to love.

I guess this is a good explanation for why his name is so close to Lord British - thus, their similar invincibility schticks really are coincidental.

The former works well - although, I've just noticed on reread that he hasn't actually referred to himself as a doctor. He's just 'Doc'.

That said, I have reason to believe that he is, in fact, a real doctor.

Maybe he really is a gambling man.

Well, Terezi is referencing his comic before Earth even exists...

So it's like the SBaHJifier gag, but for the whole comic?

That sounds ambitious, but interesting, especially if it's doing everything you say it is. Any fanwork that people think was written by Hussie must be something special.

It's fun, getting both of these messages in the same week. Glad you're enjoying it!

Yeah, I didn't consider Equius as an option, back when Aradia was talking about this. I don't think I'd have picked him at the time, though.

Both Equius and Vriska convinced themselves that they had an arrangement with Aradia.

In retrospect, her own statement - which came after the two above - was, indeed, deliberately vague. It's supposed to make you wonder which of the two options she was talking about. As far as I can tell, there was no reason to assume it couldn't be Vriska - she'd even told Karkat that she was going to be the 'real leader', so we knew she was planning a power grab.

Anyway, I defaulted to her, since she'd talked about her co-leader arrangement only a couple of pages beforehand. I don't think I even remembered Equius was an option until he spoke to her later. Can't catch 'em all!

Pop! Team! Nepic!

Thank you! Yeah, Vriska's attitude is completely understandable at this point. Would she really have survived if she wasn't cruel?

I was skeptical about that line initially - but Vriska honestly doesn't seem to be much of a liar, so I think part of her really did see Aradia as a friend.

I personally doubt Aradia ever felt anything positive towards Vriska - she's a blue-blood, after all, a hateful sn0b - but that doesn't stop them being friends. After all, the same could be said about Karkat, towards Gamzee. Trolls just seem to see friendships differently.

I try to avoid queueing stuff - gotta put the live in 'liveblog', after all!

There are occasional exceptions, though. For example, if I answer a lot of (non-compiled) asks at once, and don't want to fill up people's dashboards, I might queue them to space them out a little - but never more than an hour or so in advance.

Really, the answer to your question is 'neither', since I don't have a schedule. Lately, I've been posting about four days a week, and each liveblog session will last for two to four posts - but that's all subject to change, depending on my mood, my energy levels, random life stuff and, frankly, the phase of the moon. Properly scheduling this blog has proved impossible, so I'm just embracing it at this point.

If there's one thing that Aradia and Vriska can agree on, it's that an Equius-made arm is good for only one thing - rippin' out hearts!

Sorry - no breaks longer than a week? Since Act 1?

I suppose if your website pays your rent, you don't really need a day job - but still, I'm surprised that no life stuff got in the way in all that time. Hell, it's already happened to me - and this comic is surely way easier to analyze than it is to write!

Well, I'm only on 2300 now, so I haven't seen much!

I'm just curious as to why he's seeking out Karkat, specifically. Jack seems to work independently, not taking orders from his Queen - so what's motivating him, this early in the game?

No reason it can't be both, right? This is probably one of the most emotionally intense things to happen to her since her death, and it just so happens to coincide with her 'resurrection'. Frankly, I'd have been more surprised if she didn't lose her shit.

Also - damn, I didn't notice he was mirroring her '0k' catchphrase. No, Equius. No one was 0k with that.

Welcome! You can thank a few of my readers for helping me optimize my tagging system, too. I think it was @krixwell who first suggested I add a tag which included asks!

[alexiethymia]

realization

summary: [Post-TYBW] Momo falls in love. It’s messy business.

[read on ao3]

part 1 / part 2

Renji was having a strange night.

It started with an innocent enough invitation, to come drink with the fifth division lieutenant. Now, Rukia might call him an emotional blockhead enough times, but he was confident that he was nowhere as bad as Kuchiki-taichou. So he had enough ‘sensitivity’ to note that it wasn’t so much the invitation that was strange considering who it came from, but the activity proposed, considering who it came from.

He joined Hinamori once or twice to some ikebana classes she’d invited him to, but he wasn’t such as insensitive buffoon that he wouldn’t understand that wasn’t exactly the best option now (he did listen to that second voice inside his head sometimes - and if it had the same voice as his wife, well that was no one’s business but his own). Even so, drinking wasn’t exactly Hinamori’s first choice of activity, neither was it her second or third, so he guesses that this must have been Rangiku-san’s idea, maybe another one of those informal lieutenant get-togethers.

Imagine his surprise at the scene he finds when he ducks down the low awning of the local izakaya Hinamori invited him to. It’s not that he’s surprised to find Hinamori there – tucking her hair behind her ear and taking delicate sips of her glass of water – since the invitation came from her after all, but rather he’s surprised at who he doesn’t find.

Hinamori sits alone at the table, surrounded by boisterous drunkards enjoying the end of a working day. It’s an incongruous sight, and though Renji knows that as a seated officer Hinamori could beat anyone in the room, it’s still jarring to see the normally sweet and demure girl in a place like this one. He rubs his hand through his hair sheepishly. Rukia would probably hit him for that thought. Rangiku-san is nowhere to be found; neither is Kira which is weird if this was supposed to be some sort of reunion.

Strange doesn’t mean unpleasant, and it’s been a while since Renji talked to Hinamori last, so with a wide wave, he catches her attention, “Oi, Hinamori!”

-

Renji’s night continues to become even stranger.

It’s not so much that Hinamori wrings her hands (which in retrospect he should have recognized as her habit when she was anxious about something), as she asks him, “Are you really sure Kuchiki-san won’t mind?”

Renji snorts. In the privacy of his mind, he remembers Rukia lecturing him about making sure “to take care of Hinamori fuku-taichou” before he left. He was miffed, “I get it already. Why’re ya so worried?”

“Baka Renji! It’s you I’m worried about.”

At that, Renji’s eyes softened. “You have nothing to worry about, Rukia. You know Hinamori and I are just friends…”

Rukia’s eyes widened before she laughed with tears in her eyes. Clutching her hands to her stomach, she chortled, “I’m not talking about that!” His eyebrow twitched. See if he was ever going to reassure his wife again after that.

Wiping away the tears from her eyes she stood up from her bowed position, still chuckling. She then fixed him with a serious and solemn gaze. “I’m serious, Renji. If anything happens to Hinamori fuku-taichou while she’s with you, drinking,” she emphasized while grinning, but then she paused and looked at him with a hum. “Well, your tolerance to cold has always been good. Maybe you’ll be just fine.”

Remembering Rukia’s mischievous gaze, Renji shivers in the present. That better not be a premonition. “Yeah, Rukia wouldn’t mind,” he mutters.

“What was that?”

“Nothing, nothing, just talking to myself.” He says to reassure the other girl. Swinging himself onto the seat, he orders sake for the both of them. Once he pours out a cup for Hinamori, and she does the same for him, they kanpai and he asks her how she’s been doing.

“Oh, we’ve been doing great,” she chirps, comfortable now and a slight flush on her cheeks after just a few sips of sake. She’s always been a lightweight, Renji thinks bemused. “All the paperwork’s done. Hirako-taichou’s really outdone himself this time. I even had enough time to visit the fourth division, Kira-kun, Nanao-san, Rangiku-san, and…”

“Hm?” He wondered why she suddenly trailed off, and at the sudden red that seemed to be creeping up her cheeks that seemed too much for a cup of sake no matter how much of a lightweight she was. She squeaked and covered her mouth with both hands, as if trying to prevent words from coming out, “Never mind,” she laughed, although it didn’t sound like her usual carefree laugh to Renji. Eyes growing softer, she asked him, “How about you, Abarai-kun? How have you and Kuchiki-san been since the wedding?”

It was Renji’s turn to blush. He told her about how they had started settling in the Kuchiki manor, but mostly how it was just the same old, same old. Her eyes seemed to be watery as she listened to him riveted.

“Oi, don’t cry on me now, Hinamori.”

“Sorry, sorry,” she sniffled, “I’m just…I’m so happy for you,” she exclaimed, voice full of sincerity.

He grinned at her. “So, what’s up? I thought this was one of Rangiku-san’s drinking sessions. What’d I do to deserve the honor of receiving one of your rare – previously unheard of – invitation to drink?” He was joking, but also more than a bit curious.

Hinamori grew even redder as she whispered, “As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t invite Rangiku-san.”

Worried at that statement, he was about to ask if Hinamori really was in some sort of serious trouble when she suddenly said, “I wanted to ask your advice, Abarai-kun.”

And man did that feel good to hear. Worry abated for now, he grins at her. “Of course. What can I help you with?” He remembered old days. Usually, both of them would turn to Kira for their studies. Both she and Kira were great at kido, but he’d usually ask her for advice since he remembers feeling that competitive spirit towards Kira back then. In a way, she was also more patient.

It’s not just that though. He remembers confiding in her about things he thought he’d locked away, an ease that could only be felt in talking to a female friend, since back then he was still foolish about keeping up a tough façade and what was expected of him as a man. Before, he would have just talked to Rukia, but he couldn’t exactly do that in the after, and when the topic in conversation was the girl in question.

“Trust me, Abarai-kun! I’m sure she’ll love it.”

Renji had scratched his head in confusion. “I don’t know about this, Hinamori. Y’see Rukia’s not exactly a sweet girl like you. She’s tomboyish and brash. She’s the type to just kick your head in when she gets annoyed.” Even so, he still held the bouquet of snowdrops Hinamori helped him pick out for her birthday, adorned with a ribbon patterned with rabbits which Hinamori insisted that he have. “She’d probably ask what the heck I was doing.” He wasn’t exactly the type of person to give flowers.

Momo sighed deeply. Boys. “It’s exactly because she won’t be expecting it that she’ll find it sweet of you to do.” A private smile curves her lips as she remembers a younger boy than her classmate, certainly much shorter, with mud on his knees as he presented her with a scraggly sunflower he scrounged up from somewhere. It is with a scowl and reasons that he had no money to buy anything that he presented the bedraggled flower. It looked like it went through an ordeal, with the stem rough in some places and leaves fallen off, but the bloom itself had been bright and yellow like a lion’s mane. She couldn’t help the joy that bubbled out as she tackled her friend to the ground in a tight hug even as she was careful not to crush the beautiful gift.  

Maybe Renji had seen something in that secret smile because it is with courage renewed that he resolved to give his gift to Rukia. That is until he saw the high-class silks being carried into the Kuchiki estate. One was even patterned with snowdrops. Forlorn, he looked at his meager gift. It is with understanding in her gaze that Hinamori decides to keep the flowers placed sadly in her hands.

The Renji from back then probably wouldn’t believe the life he led now. He was lucky enough to be surrounded by friends, new and old, and to have his best friend back again, with him, in more ways than one. If he could help one of those friends out, then he’d do whatever he could.

Hinamori wrung her hands again. “I don’t know who else to ask,” she bites her lip, “No, that’s wrong. It’s actually because you’re the best person to ask.” Renji raises a brow as he waits for her to continue.

Taking a deep breath, Hinamori suddenly says in a rush, “I just wanted to ask, how did you deal with falling in love with Kuchiki-san!”

Renji blinks. Once. Twice. And blushes as red as his hair. “Wha-“

Hinamori gasps as if remembering herself. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for!”

There were so many things Renji could say. Renji didn’t actually “deal” with it, as Hinamori would very well know. She, along with Kira, Ikkaku-san, and Yumichika-san, sat on the front row seats watching him cope and avoid during those aimless days. He doesn’t know himself when he fell in love. Does anyone, really? It could have been one moment. It could have been all moments. He could say all of those things, but instead, he turns around Hinamori’s question in his mind. Unlike Hinamori who seems to be gulping her sake like water, he still has his wits about him. As if a figurative lightbulb pings, he asks, shocked, “Wait, Hinamori, you’re in love with someone?”

Renji winces, realizing a second too late that that tactless statement did indeed come from him. He must not have been holding his alcohol as well as he thought. (Rukia would have hit him twice over for that stunt if she were here). It is however a second too late for regrets as Hinamori suddenly burst into tears.

In panic mode, Renji gathers all the napkins he can find and shoves them to her as he reassures the curious patrons suddenly looking over at their table, “It’s fine, it’s fine, just getting a bit emotional is all.”

Her sobs slow as she hiccups but Renji is far from relieved. She had always been a crying sort of drunk. Perhaps it was a good thing Kira wasn’t here else he’d have to console two crying drunks.

Wait, she said he was the best person to ask, probably because he fell in love with an old friend. If so, that means Hinamori had fallen in love with an old friend too. Inwardly he cheered, pointing at imaginary chibi figures of his wife and Ichigo. Take that, he thought, he could connect the dots well enough on his own. (Enough to say, Renji must have been drunker than he thought.)

Before he could feel preemptive delight on behalf of their common friend, he pauses, thinks. Old friend, huh? “Er…who exactly are you in love with Hinamori?”

Hinamori, sniffles, completely red now and Renji can’t tell if it’s the alcohol or the embarrassment. “Won’t tell,” she pouts childishly.

Seeing as she’s a bit calmer now, Renji decided to poke fun. Hinamori was fiery and sassy in her own right, though he rarely got to see it, so this was a rare chance. With a toothy grin, he prods, “Ha, serves you right for being so oblivious all these years. Now you’ll understand the agony of love just like the rest of us mere mortals.” Because this was a happier night in a happier time, neither of them dared acknowledge former captains. Betrayals had no place in a lighthearted moment between old friends.

Affronted, Momo firmly placed both her hands on the table with a bang. Hmmm, their table seemed to be a bit wobbly. “Oblivious?! Since when have I ever been oblivious?”

If Abarai-kun’s eyebrows went any higher, they’d disappear beyond his hairline and take all his tattoos with them. She laughs uncontrollably at the thought.

Renji looks at her weirdly and decides not to point out the obvious. One because he doesn’t betray the secrets of good friends, and two because he doesn’t want frostbitten fingers. He decides to list out other examples instead, “Hinamori, you’ve always been oblivious. Those kouhai? They weren’t just crowding around you because you were such a ‘good’ senpai,” at the pout he sees on her face, he amends, “Well yes, you were a good senpai, but it wasn’t only because of that.”

Hinamori still doesn’t look convinced. “I don’t believe you. I’m nothing like Rangiku-san. And anyway, no one said anything.”

“No one is like Rangiku-san,” Renji says solemnly in lieu of what he actually wanted to say which was to the effect of, none of our kouhai said anything probably because of another kouhai of ours, who funnily enough, ended up being our superior.

Ha, funny indeed.

He remembers when he first met Hitsugaya-taichou, or the kid who would become Hitsugaya-taichou anyway. He’d only been Hinamori’s ‘Shiro-chan’ back then.

She’d introduced them because Hinamori was the type of person who liked it when her friends got along. At hearing the nickname, he snorted and didn’t even try to stifle the laugh that came out.

It was like they were in their own little world as the newer student reminded her to stop calling him that nickname already!

At hearing him laugh though, the other boy fixed him with a cool stare. He took it as a challenge, “You wanna go, kid?”

He raised one white brow, unimpressed.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Abarai-kun…” Kira muttered off to the side. He turned away at the same time Hinamori was scolding the younger boy about using violence, who went back to fully ignoring the both of them to argue with his childhood friend. Genius or no, that kid really needed to respect his elders. And Kira didn’t have to warn him. It’s not as if he’d seriously beat on a kouhai.

Later on, he realizes that Kira hadn’t been warning him about being too rough on the other boy, but rather it was the other way around. This realization is stark as he lays down defeated in a practice match with the boy genius.

It was during that period that he lost touch – no that’s not correct, cut off his ties – with Rukia. So even if he was Hinamori’s precious childhood friend, with all that natural talent and genius, it was easy for Renji who was scraping at the bottom just to reach that lofty moon, to resent him. Geniuses could never understand the struggles of ordinary people.

It made him feel a bit better to know that Kira was also a bit wary of the younger boy, though it is later that Renji realizes that perhaps his friend’s reasons were a bit more complex than his own.

Once, Hinamori tells him, “No one knows just how hard he’s working. Sometimes, I worry that he’s pushing himself too much.” Not wanting to upset her, he gave a noncommittal hum. In the privacy of his mind, he scoffed. What did a boy genius like him ever need to work hard for?

He gets his answer, years later, in the worst of ways. Through a kido spell, through a hospital visit, through broken recollections from a common friend, as Kira gasped with tears in his eyes that Hitsugaya-taichou was cut down - bankai unleashed in a fit of rage at seeing her lifeless body, and ultimately rendered useless – trying to protect her, while she was hurt again because of him, the worst, he was the worst.

Although he tries to comfort Kira with alcohol, he also remembers the phantom weight of Rukia in his arms, there and gone again, helpless to stop her from being taken away.

He had been unfair to the Captain, only seeing what he wanted to see, a person with natural talent with everything handed to him on a silver platter - everything Renji couldn’t have for himself. They were as far apart as could be.

But as he sees Hinamori all wrapped up in bandages, and breathing on life support, as he feels the remnant of a chill signifying the presence of one who had been here before him, he realizes that he had more in common with that young Captain than he had thought.

He shakes his head to rid himself of memories and focuses back on the girl in front of him. Her eyes are drooping as if she was ready to fall asleep at any moment. Really, for Renji, there could only be two candidates in mind, and though Renji remembers old days, of forcefully nudging his classmate to finally make a move already (those had been simpler times after all), he also cannot help the odd sense of camaraderie he feels with the ice-cold Captain. He, better than anyone, understands the bond between childhood friends.

“So, what’re you so worried about?” At the very least if it was the issue of reciprocation, Hinamori had nothing to worry about on that score. One would probably die of shock if she confessed. The other had already proven he would die (and kill) for her. Sheesh, he doesn’t think he gets that intense when it comes to Rukia.

“I’m just...I’m worried everything will change,” she says softly.

Renji sighed, “Everything changes Hinamori. There’s nothing you can do about that.”

“It’s not like I plan to confess.” Wait, what? Renji double-takes at that. She smiles ruefully at him. “I want us to stay friends. I don’t want anything to change, but it’s like I can’t control myself.”

“Would it be so bad, to confess?” Renji has it on good authority that she’d have a good success rate no matter who it was she was talking about.

She laughs, most certainly drunk now. “Like I told you, Abarai-kun. I’m nothing like Rangiku-san,” a silly smile crosses her face as Renji once again looks at her confused, wondering what that had to do with anything, “I’m not good enough.” Her smile becomes more strained, and before Renji can berate her for that self-mocking display, she raises both her hands all of a sudden, “Ahhhh, it’s such a shame. Rangiku-san would be the best person to talk to about this. But, for the same reason, she’s also the worst person to talk to about this.” Well, that tells him nothing.

Deciding to act on a hunch, he suggests, “Well, maybe you can try asking Hitsugaya-taichou’s older brother?”

Hinamori narrows her eyes at him. She’s actually looking a bit crossed-eyed like that. Maybe it was a sign that he’d caught her out? “Silly, Abarai-kun,” he was expecting she’d say something like how could I talk to my crush’s brother, because honestly he understood the feeling, never mind that his briother-in-law and captain were the same person (at least now he’d know for certain who she was talking about), “Shiro-chan doesn’t have a brother!” And with that as a parting statement, she unceremoniously conks out and promptly falls asleep.

Wait, what?

“Oi, Hinamori!”

-

Renji hopes that this is the last of it, but the night is still long, and for some reason, he has a premonition that his night is about to take a turn from strange to bad.

It may have something to do with the whispers around him that he tries to tune out. He doesn’t blame them much as it may be concerning to see a man carrying an unconscious woman in the middle of the night. But he was a gentleman, damn it! He couldn’t leave a friend, much less a girl, dead drunk and alone. If Kira was here, the both of them could have carried her, but even after all that he still wasn’t sure who she was talking about so that was a definite no. He’d normally have called Rangiku-san, but Hinamori seemed to be avoiding her for some reason, so he’d respect her wishes, and anyway the fifth wasn’t that far from the sixth.

It may have to do something with how Hinamori kept muttering about how hot it was in his arms. Rukia always said that Renji tended to run hotter than most (and in her sweeter moments she’d say that was why she was perfect for him), and with Hinamori more or less the same, he imagines it would be doubly uncomfortable for her.

Or it may have something to do with how Hinamori was currently trying to remove one arm from the sleeve of her shihakusho because “Iwazz too hot!” while Renji frantically tried to stop her with one arm. Scratch that, Kira would be more of a hindrance than a help here. Why were his friends such outrageous drunks? “Nooooooo, Hinamori. You don’t want to do that. That is a bad idea.”

But really, it probably had something to do with the deathly chill he felt behind his back. He wondered what this must look like to an observer, Hinamori unconscious and one arm bare, while he held the sleeve of her shihakusho as he carried her in his arms. He closed his eyes and prayed to whoever would listen that it was his wife. He’d take a beating from her any day, as opposed to the alternative…But when he sees Hinamori calm and settle down at the breeze that caresses her face, Renji sighs in resignation as he turns and faces his doom.

A million paranoid thoughts run through his mind – did the patrons back at the bar report a crying girl and it reached him, did he have a tracker developed by the twelfth stuck on her by any chance, was he just that scarily attuned to the reiatsu of the sleeping girl in his arms because he sure appeared around her ‘coincidentally’ an awful lot- all to distract him from meeting an irate and frosty gaze.

“What the hell is going on here?”

Ah, shit. Renji was never drinking again.

[plantdad-dante]

The world is good, sometimes

So... I was getting pizza at this kebab joint today (Germany be like that).

And it was in this wreck of an Eastern German town, with more skeletons of former shops than is probably healthy for a town, with the kebab shop nestled into the side of a big chain super market. The town itself, btw, is about as conservative as the rest of East Germany right now, which... it’s not great. Quite the opposite of great, tbh.

Anyway, I was getting pizza, and as I was about to pay, the woman behind the counter gave me this look. This once-over that my mind immidietly filed as “oh no, this person heard of trans people”.

For context: I was wearing a binder, an MCR T-Shirt, men's shorts, and shoes with rainbow-coloured laces. I also still have a mowhawk, and had managed to give my order in my best approximation of a male voice that I can do without T. I also have zero reference for how well I pass when like this.

See, I'm an idiot, who's (relatively) fresh out of the closet, and still relies on being able to fall back on the old "oh no, I'm just very flat and gnc, haha" trick when necessary (or panicking), because that had and has worked for years (even on myself). Only that the trick hurts more, now, and I'm a really shitty liar when caught unawares.

So the woman gave me this look and I hurried to get my defences up. In my mind, I had been clocked, and this would be the first time I would have to deal with a bigot directly, and I was not prepared.

She counted out my change, handed it to me and asked, in a friendlier tone than I expected, as if she legitimately just wanted to check: “You are a boy, right?”

And I hesitated for maybe half a second (”This town is way more dangerous ground than uni, But you’re out of here within the next thirty seconds anyway, and this is the least painful way to get to the end of this exchange, so fuck it, you can bluff being cis.”), before I gave a nod (which, in retrospect, probably looked a little too enthusiastic and relieved for plausible deniability, but what can you do when social anxiety rules your brain). And she smiled and nodded, and I thought the exchange was over, but then she said:

“You know, there is someone coming in here every now and then, looks like a boy but is actually a girl.”

And I kinda stood there like... 'huh?', and I didn’t say anything to that, just took my pizza, nodded, said “Thank you” and disappeared onto the street.

The reason I write this post is... Like, I know how that last sentence sounds? But I’m telling you, I’m telling you, her smile was so warm and nice, I legit think she was being affirming. I don’t know if she was talking about a gnc woman or a trans woman (or both?), but I am quite certain she wasn’t talking about someone like me. And I am that certain, because... because she kept smiling at me like that, warm and friendly, even as my stupid voice cracked on the first syllable of “Thank you”. See... I think she knew, and I think she wanted to be nice and not assume, and so she just asked me, and then tried to reassure me, and...

And...

Well. Do you know The Grin? If you're trans, you most certainly do, and if you're cis... I guess it depends.

The Grin is a thing that happens when gender euphoria happens. It spreads across your face, and you can't stop it, you can't escape it, and it will stay there, it will stay and you will grin like a fucking idiot ("like a honey-cake horse", if you're German (gods, how I hate that phrase)), and it is the most wonderful thing in the whole world.

I was grinning like that all the way to the car, and for a good while after, and as I am typing this now, it is coming back to tug on my face yet again. Honestly, I'm kind of suprised I even made it to the car, because it wasn't just my face that had to yield to the joy. My whole body felt light as a fucking feather, my legs were half-way to jello by the time I got to sit down again, my chest felt like I could breathe fully and freely for the first time in millenia, and the whole time, I was feeling like I was a kid again, like nothing was wrong in the world, like magic was real and I alone got to see it.

The world is good, sometimes.

The world is good.

[alovelyburn]

Rambles about the Conviction Arc Part 10

So we have arrived at the volume which contains the halfway mark of the series to date (at least in collected form). It’s kind of wild to think about, because Volume 20 came out in October 2000, which really drives home how much the publication speed slowed down.

I never really minded the waits honestly, but it is interesting. In retrospect, maybe the waits should have been even longer.

Anyway, lets get going. There’s a lot of cool stuff coming up.

Rambles about the Conviction Arc Part 10

So, Mozgus gets stung by the Behelit Apostle. Luca, Isidro, Jerome and Nina get corned by evil spirits that came calling because of Casca’s brand, Casca was suspended inside the jelly spirits being protected by the demon child, aaaand....

1. Mozgus shows up and burns through all the jelly spirits with his fire breath, which results in Casca being ejected but it also seems to be what ultimately killed the demon baby doesn’t it? Because it spent a great deal of its power protecting her and then Mozgus blasts the goo, and it falls away on fire and then later shows up in the behelit apostle’s cave, dying.

It’s just interesting – I never quite made that connection (or if I did, I don’t remember.... looking at old meta reminded me of a lot of things I noticed and then forgot about and then rediscovered in later readings, woops), but like... the behelit apostle gave Mozgus his power, he burned down the baby, and then the behelit apostle swallowed him to form Griffith and that is causality at work. I just imagine IoE out there with vein-and-artery-tentacles moving things around.

Okay so as usual: disclaimer that I rarely have much to say about big fight scenes or what Jerome and Nina are doing, so I may skip a lot.

2. That said I’M SORRY I JUST CAN’T WITH NINA I HAVE ZERO SYMPATHY FOR HER.

I mean let’s think about this situation right. Nina gets herself in trouble by being a witch, which I would have a lot more sympathy for if it didn’t involve eating stew made of humans, and bringing her boyfriend there because I guess she thinks eating humans is not going to bother him? BUT IT DOES, so she panics and takes off out of nowhere with Elainsca. They get arrested, she lets Casca get taken and then rats her out because of one pulled fingernail. Meanwhile, Luca is dragging her completely mundane backside through enemy headquarters to find and rescue them, and by total chance ends up falling from a building and Nina’s first thought is, SHE’S SO HEAVY followed by a powertrip about how she could just let go and Luca would die.

Now, don’t get me wrong here, I understand the psychology involved here. Nina feels helpless – that’s been one of her big issues this entire time. She’s helpless and weak and Luca is strong and protects her, she resents falling under the wing of someone so much stronger and kinder than her. I mean that’s probably why she fell in with the cannibal cult to begin with – that kind of group targets people who feel lost or sad or helpless. LIKE, I GET IT, but at the same time, oh my God.

And then Luca goes and proves that she is the best person in this manga, lmfao. I mean look, morally speaking there’s not a lot of truly good people in Berserk, but Luca is definitely one of them. 

Obviously Skull Knight agrees.

Anyway.

3. I  also think Luca is one of the best done female characters in the series. She’s consistent, she’s complicated, she’s charismatic and interesting, and she’s heroic on a normal scale that highlights the potential in humanity that is the other side of the horror that Berserk often focuses on.

That said, I’m curious as to why Skull Knight saved her. It doesn’t seem to have been a random act of kindness – I feel like he was interested in that seemingly self-sacrificial move and wanted to reward it or ask about it or something to that effect – it just makes me wonder if she’s reminding him of something or someone, or if he just likes people who stare death in the face, or something to that effect.

4. And here comes the next steps in the breaking down of Farnese’s world.

Trying to track where her head is at as the story progresses is pretty interesting. When she arrived at the Tower of Conviction, she had already been shaken by her encounter with Guts and the “miracles” that follow him around (or that he chases). She blames him for her doubts, she displaces her frustrations and fears onto him – he may not be the Hawk of Darkness, but he is responsible for her growing discontent and self-doubt, and she finds him distressing for it – later she calls him dreadful (an adjective also applied to Griffith but I’ll try to remember to hit that when it comes up).

And I mean every time she sees him the issue she has escalates even though he isn’t doing anything, right? It’s not too dissimilar to the reaction Gambino or his men had to Guts – he showed up and everything started going wrong, so its his fault.

Still she sees Mozgus and his followers transformed into these monstrous things, and they’re meant to be holy, aren’t they? It’s just another pebble in the wall between Farnese and her religion.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME, it does occur to me that a lot of the things Farnese is seeing actually are caused by Guts – or specifically by his brand – and that kind of is the reason her world starts breaking. If she hadn’t chased after Guts she never would have been there when his brand called all those spirits – hell, he wouldn’t have been in the situation to begin with given that she’s the reason he was there. She’d still be chugging along oblivious. I don’t know, it’s interesting because Guts actually is a walking disaster, isn’t he? And his presence, especially when Casca is also nearby, warps the world and shoots cracks through reality as your average person knows it.

And everyone who gets involved with them or anything around them gets dragged into it. I’m going to talk about that a LOT more next time, but for now...

Luca gets sucked into it too!  Because obviously, if Nina hadn’t run off with Casca, she wouldn’t be in this situation either!

5.Wait, did the behelit apostle just call Skull Knight a living human? I’m going to try not to overinterpret that, but it’s... interesting. I think I always assumed that he’s a spirit (or a corpse) possessing that armor or at least not a human anymore.

Also... I think the way the corpses are laid out is interesting – more on that in a hot minute.

Also I do actually feel really terribly for the behelit apostle. He has this horrifying backstory and he is one of the apostles that you can say has decent intentions even if some readers may disagree with his actual actions in bringing Griffith back to the world. All of which is just me saying that panel of said apostle shivering in fear made me feel bad for him.

6. And another take on the Hawk symbol. I’m still kind of struggling with people’s desire to separate half ot he Hawk identity from Griffith and give it to Guts or whoever else. Like I understand the impulse when it comes to the hero/villain separation, I guess. But I feel like the constant variations on the symbol and how they all fit into the mythos of Griffith kind of makes breaking them apart awkward at least in my mind.

So there’s the cleanest and most abstract take – the Holy See symbol of the Hawk of Light. And then there’s the Black Hawk on a Stick – a representation of the wings of darkness. And the white hawk on a stick which I think is a step closer to honesty than either of the others – being made of corpses and all that. And now we have this, which is probably the most honest of them all, isn’t it? The way it represents the way the sacrifice actually gives rise to Femto, or to NeoGriffith – a hawk made up of the corpses of the dead.  Even so, the shape it forms is that of the Hawk of Light symbol – a symbol of hope built from sacrifice. Whether you believe Griffith is evil or not, he’s still a symbol of hope and salvation to the people of Midland.

An idol made of the skin and bones of priests.

It tastes like old magic really.

7. I wonder who he was. The thing is, he can’t have grown up in that hole, you know? I mean this is kind of off the point and totally irrelevant and I don’t expect it to ever be relevant, but – if he had been born in  that hole he would have died. Also when he talks about his first memory being scrounging for things to eat in the trash, he’s not a baby or even a toddler, he’s at least a teenager judging from that build and musculature. So like, what’s he doing there? Who put him there? Where was he before this?

And I’ve said this before, but It’s not... possible for me to perceive Apostles and Godhand as inherently Just the Worst. Because the situations that give rise to them are so horrific, so painful, that I.... don’t blame them for their actions. It’s one of those situations where you don’t know what you’d do until you’re in the situation, and I feel like the people who insist they’d never ever under any circumstances ever don’t understand human nature, and I’m not saying that I think humans are evil. I just think.... it’s easy to say you’d never and you’d always and imagine that you’re above cracking when you aren’t, say...

Buried in the bottom of a hole being crushed under a pile of corpses. Or dying from the poison your son gave you. That kind of thing.

Kind of a tangent but I do feel for every single one of them, no matter how horrible their behavior is. Because wherever they landed, they crawled out of hell to get there.

“Five Angels.” So this is a relatively recent event, assuming he hasn’t been there since before the current Godhand.

8. So this is interesting to me – the sacrifice is the world around him, but he hasn’t actually delivered that sacrifice yet, and here he is... an Apostle. This reminds me of the flashback to the Count’s transformation – he appears to have killed his wife himself when he was already in his slug form, which....

Kind of makes me wonder, you know? Godhand are built from the deaths of their sacrifices, but with Apostles it seems like they change and then they have to  kill their sacrifices I guess? Or allow them to be killed as the case may be. I assume the consequence for not actually paying up is being dragged to Hell. Interesting.

Describing the Holy See as a deceit-filled system established to conceal the ugly chaos of the world hits different when you know Miura’s backstory regarding his father.

But I do think this is a pretty specific recounting, like he’s talking about how he grew up alone in the shadow of the tower, and then a bunch of new people showed up (the refugees that have been gathered around the tower throughout this arc), the indiscriminate nature of plague deaths and the panic it caused, followed by the Holy See sending their Knights and Mozgus there – the deceitful system controlling the area.

-the people caught between the plague behind them and the corrupt religion before them, and how that fear of death by sickness or witch-hunt gave rise to these death cults – that cauldron is the human soup, you know? They’re killing people out of fear of people being killed. The hunters (holy see) and hunted (witches/pagans), every one of the threatened (witches/pagans, holy see and the normals caught between these forces)... “was enthralled by the heat.” That’s interesting to me because, well it does come up a lot doesn’t it? The fire that is Griffith and the fires that represent dreams in the campfire scene. The burning corpses and the flames that Farnese fixated on.

It’s this sense to me that people take comfort and shelter and refuge in the literal and metaphorical fire but, like most things in berserk, there are two sides to it – the fire that comforts and the fire that burns. The fire that heals and the fire that kills.

And as for the behelit apostle himself...

He, an outsider rejected by the world, is left to be destroyed by the forces that have nothing to do with him. He’s just caught up in it as an innocent bystander as people are throwing the results of their suffering and fear down and killing him with it.

So what did he do after that – he took the corpses that nearly crushed him and laid them out individually like human beings.

9. Again, yet again, another statement on the nature of humanity, of their relationship with leaders, something that echoes back to Griffith and forward to Luca and so on and so forth. I’m a little braindead today as I’m typing this so bear with me if I’m less coherent than I’d like to be, but I feel very strongly about this so I’ma try it anyway.

I did a post a while back about the way Griffith seems to perceive (in his torture monologue) the people who bow and scrape to him and suck up to him. It’s kind of bouncing off of this:

Where he describes the way he affects people as inspiring either good will (which turns into trust or fellowship) or hatred, which turns into awe or dread. The best examples offhand of the latter would be I think Julius (dread) and Foss (awe) – the way they perceived him and the way their view of him evolves in relation to his actions around and toward them. It’s Julius seeing his face in the fire (MORE ON THAT IN A SECOND) or Foss turning into one of his biggest supporters after NeoGrififth returns to the world.

But if you think about that – the way he perceived “awe” when juxtaposed with the way the Hawks often reacted to him – he’s like a miracle, he’s like a saint, he’s like a hero from a storybook – it kind of tells you what he thinks of (some) of them, right? Like in the case of someone like Casca or Guts, these are people who more or less started out liking him (Guts needed a minute but you know) – that probably slots in his head into good will that turns to fellowship and trust. But someone like Foss, or someone like Corkus – people who begin with animosity and are kind of beaten into submission – they’re never going to really feel like they “like” him, I think. And this is kind of carried through in his relationship with the nobles who smile in his face and try to hitch a ride with him into glory but talk shit about him when he turns his back.

Anyway the point is, it’s that same idea – a recurring theme in the series. It’s also how Farnese ends up following Guts-  she starts with animosity and it changes first into dread (she even describes him explicitly as dreadful) and then into awe as she becomes one of his biggest supporters as well. Hell, it’s even represented in Farnese’s relationship with the pyre flames – she starts afraid and then she embraces it as a means of self-protection.

So like, ok why am I talking about Griffith in the midst of this ramble that has nothing to do with him, it’s because he, and his relationship with the world, is the biggest and most far-reaching example of what’s being brought up here. And that’s reflected in things like the behelit apostle talking about how all these desperate people – the feared and fearful, hunted and hunters, all fixating on the fire- the light – the thing that Griffith is repeatedly compared to. It’s also the thing Luca represents to someone like Nina – someone who doesn’t have strength behind her own light, so she stands in Luca’s and tries to keep warm, all the while resenting that she can’t supply enough heat to survive on her own.

But also I don’t think it doesn’t have anything to do with Griffith and here’s why. That description – that statement to the effect of “people gather and fixate on the light...”

Isn’t that explicitly what Griffith’s relationship with the Hawks was meant to be?

I mean this is why Guts left the Hawks - he didn’t want to be Nina, gathering around Griffith’s light and feeding on his heat to stay warm and resenting it. He wanted to have his own light that could sustain him... because he believed that Griffith could only respect someone who had that thing. The misunderstanding was personal between them but its also specific to Guts, because his lack of self-esteem blinds him to the reality that he already has his own light - that’s much of why Griffith is drawn to him to begin with.

That was kind of a tangent but I really think this stuff is important to the series. But back to the topic...

To emphasize the Griffith parallel we follow up with the behelit apostle literally sitting on the symbol that represents Griffith’s return, staring over a scene that evokes the bonfire flames:

And then, of course, the comparison is made very explicit:

Everyone gathers around fire, they seek the heat and support of those greater than they are, but in the end, there is one thing that they all crave – the greatest light, the greatest fire, and that is....

The hawk made of human skin? Yeah, well. The hawk made of material that resembles the faces in the Abyss – the faces on the landscape of the eclipse. And the symbol that represents, as Guts said, the biggest light, the blazing inferno. The collective will of humanity.

I think when (some) people read this kind of thing, whether it’s in the manga proper or in analysis thereof, there’s this desire to rebel against the idea that this thing made of dead flesh – this thing that killed their own men and sexually assaulted one of the major characters in the series, can really be intended to embody light – to be a savior, a messiah, whatever. And I do understand that, but I think to really get what’s being implied (and more than implied) you kind of have to let go of a lot of assumptions about what those things mean.

Darkness isn’t wholly bad, light isn’t wholly good, humanity doesn’t exclusively want good things or bad things, not every good intentioned thing you do has a good result and not every horrible thing you do has a bad result. And really, one big difference I think between Berserk’s concept of the messiah/the desired and the real world’s catholic/Christian concept of the same is that in the real world a messiah is meant to be better than humanity, and in Berserk it is explicitly someone who is representative of humanity, in all its beauty and ugliness. The IoE says that Griffith’s actions will be appropriate for humanity specifically because he himself is human.

Now, two other things to note about this:

-the Behelit apostle has a sacrifice brand on its tongue. I take this to mean that even though it’s an apostle, it’s ... also a sacrifice, as it must die to give rise to Griffith’s new form.

And also...

-he calls Griffith “the definitive missing piece between the old world and the new.” Which I think strongly supports the theory that the incarnated Godhand is meant to kickstart the next era of humanity by ending the present one (sometimes quite aggressively as in the case of the world merger) and bringing it through to the next stage.

There are some other things to support that, but most of them are far in the future. I will say that the Godhand behind Void, during the eclipse that presumably birthed Void, are made to resemble gods and monsters from the ancient world (Ancient Greece and Sumeria, etc).

The apostle’s story genuinely just breaks my heart but before I get into that...

10. These sections of chatter about like the worldbuilding, the way the Berserk cosmology is built, the Berserk take on fate and angels and the way things interconnect with one another are genuinely... genuinely... among my favorite scenes in the series. This is kind of popping off a little I guess, but one of the things that saddens me about the Berserk fandom as a whole is the general disinterest in the world itself – the cosmology, the philosophy, the focus on balance and cycles. It may sound strange from me, a person who literally writes shippy fanfic, but even as the characters  and relationships are precious to me, the world itself and the metaplot that carries it are just as important. I mean one of the main reasons I love Griffith so much is that he embodies the story’s themes more than anyone else... especially NeoGriffith which is why he’s my favorite Griffith variant.

In a lot of ways the characters exist as an expression of those themes and aspects of the world. Like okay Berserk is “about” the Guts and Griffith relationship, but the Guts and Griffith relationship is, in itself, an expression of the core theme of the story which is about the balance of opposites. If you see where Miura talked about how as the story progressed it would veer into things like Tao and Qi and then you look into Tao, you can start to piece that together and I’m not saying that I understand it all either – what I know about Tao can fit in a Wikipedia entry. But like think about the reason that Guts and Griffith are referred to as one another’s “other halves,” you know? And then there’s Godhand cycle.

That was kind of a sidetrack, but anyway yeah, what I get from this is that the new age is starting – and I think it’s shortsighted to say YEAH THE HORRIBLE AGE, THE AGE OF DARKNESS, because that’s just a tunnel you move through.

Now, the Behelit apostle.

11. “It will appear in exchange for such a tiny... no... for something that never even existed in this world. My existence.”

His desire to be remembered, to be understood, is heartbreaking to me and this next bit is actually from the end of a later chapter, but it closes off the main part of the Behelit Apostle’s story and doesn’t fit as well in sequence for my purposes (fine for pacing, just not for analysis), so let’s finish his story...

As he faces his own death.

And his what ifs, his regrets, his pain. The absolute loneliness. The desolation.

Miura said in one interview when he was talking about what ifs, that he thought a lot about what his life would have been like if he hadn’t met Koji Mori. And Mori himself had said on other occasions that if he hadn’t met Miura he would be in prison or dead.

There’s a certain melancholy in that kind of thought – the way your life might have collapsed if not for the sheer chance that you happened to come across, say, the right person or the right opportunity or the right moment that allowed you to evolve in a different direction.

Then there are the other kinds of what ifs - the ones where you wonder if your life could have been, would have been, better – happier, more successful, whatever – if you had taken one turn instead of another. We all have those thoughts, I think. And for me, it’s almost impossible to shake off the sadness in this one person’s story because... for someone whose life never amounted to anything except pain, there’s nothing but what ifs, right?

But.

He still had room for compassion. To recognize someone with the same pain and same terrible outcome as him – misshapen, rejected, about to die -- and offer them peace in their last moments.

After all that, when the Godhand offered him his wish... he said he wanted to create a better world.

....

Anyway back to things being horrifying.

I love this visual for how much the rising spirit flood resembles an enormous behelit apostle for a second there. And then comes....

Holy shit.

12. So I guess I talk about this a lot, but the Griffith and Guts parallels always stand out to me. Because like, the world itself is breaking right now because Griffith is on his way back into it, right? But Guts carries a similar effect around, doesn’t he? He warps reality wherever he goes because of the brands – the fact that he and Casca are in the same general area is part of the reason the area is being overrun by spirits to begin with and of course at the moment he’s breaking Farnese’s world, too. And obviously, the word used to describe Guts’ effect on Farnese is the same as the one used to describe Griffith’s effect on... polytheism I guess is really what it was.

Love the image of the Holy See symbol going up in flames as the last remnants of Farnese’s grip on the world she knew starts to come apart.

I mean one of the things that comes up Farnese is how much she’s changed but I guess that doesn’t really bother me because... okay thinking in like writer mode here... her fire fetish/fixation is established as being part of her effort to protect herself from her fear by embracing the things that frighten her, right? She makes the fire dance with her, and so she feels safe. That being the case it makes sense to me that her previous persona and most of her coping mechanisms fall apart when she abandons that metaphorical flame (and for an extra level of oho – her flame was the Holy See, the Holy See is essentially a church built around IoE and Griffith and of course Griffith is the inferno, yada yada).

Anyway so like, I don’t think it’s... psychologically accurate, but I do think it’s appropriate in the context of fiction, because fiction is a metaphor for life not an actual recreation of it, so in that sense its not uncommon for major life changes to happen as the result of an epiphanic moment. I feel like if this series were about Farnese you’d see her struggle with it more but as a secondary supporting character you don’t.

Miura talked about how he approached Guts vs apostles (and by extension pseudo apostles who honestly are even more innocent), and one of the things he said was that as the monsters grow closer to death their humanity comes out while Guts becomes more monstrous. And there is a catharsis in that moment where Guts’s monstrousness surpasses that of the monsters he’s killing. And ever since I read that, I’ve been thinking about it, and especially in stories like these because like...

Mozgus himself is what I’d call a fairly obvious villain right, like there’s no mistaking him for anything else despite his having what I would consider a genuine heaping dose of nuance. He’s basically a media portrayal of an inquisition priest – he believes in what he does and believes he is doing good, yet what he does is absolutely horrifying. That makes him an interesting character to me – honestly much more interesting than I’d remembered before I undertook this reread – but hes still basically a dick, I mean he’s too excited about torture to be anything else.

Where the grey morality really hits, though, is in his followers – his apostles I daresay lol. Because these are people who were ostracized and tormented by humanity – regarded as freaks and monsters – who found a purpose and hope through meeting this person who treated them as humans and brought them into the metaphorical light.

And the cruelty of the way Guts treats them – while not unjustified because they are in fact attacking him – is even so highlighted by things like...

The childlike face of this guy...

Who cries as  he kills them. Or

The horribly mutilated corpses Guts leaves behind, or...

The soft humanity in the eyes of the bird-beaked one as he dies – notably the one we have the greatest connection to via Farnese having spoken to him and heard his story.

And again, it’s not like you can really condemn Guts for this – he’s trying to save Casca, and he’s defending himself, and they attacked him right? But at the same time, as @zombiesgohome just said as I’m typing this, you can totally see how Guts is the villain from their perspective. Which, of course, is what Miura suggested, too.

Meanwhile...

All hell breaks loose.

13. I’ve always found the implications that having two branded people in the same area kind of kickstarts all this destruction – and also contributes to Griffith’s return – interesting. Because Guts really... chooses to do that, right? He could have let Casca burn, but he didn’t. The Behelit Apostle notes that everything that happens contributes to that basically – even Luca accidentally contributed by bringing Casca there to begin with, and of course the jelly spirits are explicitly part of both the reincarnation and a side effect of Guts and Casca’s presence in the same general area.

Like I wonder what would have happened if Guts chose to let Casca die so that Griffith couldn’t come back. Would it happen anyway? I think the real answer is “Guts wouldn’t do that so it doesn’t matter” – that’s the real answer to most of these issues with “what would happen if destiny didn’t happen.”

But it’s interesting food for thought, like doesn’t that imply that Guts surviving really was part of the cosmic plan? That his refusal to bow to fate is part of Fate’s plan?

Chewy brain food, but in the meantime....

The wheel of fate keeps turning.

That’s where I’ll leave it I guess. This was a bit of a heavy one more in terms of my processing power (brainwise) than anything else, but....

Next up...CHAOS CHAOS CHAOS.

[crystalelemental]

Unit Viability Speculation (April 2023)

In retrospect, how the hell did no one piece together Zinnia as the antithesis of Steven?  She’s literally the only character who’s antagonistic toward him.  This was such an obvious pick and I saw 0 people worldwide guess her.  I think we might be dumb, y’all...

SC STEVEN Steven and Stoutland come in exactly as specified.  Tackle, SEUN, Buddy Leer drops Atk/Def/Spd by 2 but notably works as long as a rebuff is active at all which is pog, and a 2MP trainer move that stacks +3 physical moves up next.  TWO.  USES.  OKAY.  Passives inflict the Rebuff to the target’s weakness, raises team speed by 1 when the foe has No Evasion (Leer hits the foe with that too), and gives the Status Condition Shield when the trainer uses a move but only once which is limited for no reason.

Grid offers Flabbergast 4, MPR2 on trainer move which is ludicrous, Easy Target Staggering Hit 4 which...I’ll get to it, Mighty Friend on trainer move because fuck your entire life, Safety Tether and Sync Free For All and Trainer Sync Redemption to get back 1MP for its trainer each sync because god forbid we not be constantly at max power.  Oh, and Adrenaline 2, Team Debut Dash 1, Restrained Scope 9 to drop accuracy of a foe that’s restrained (oh yeah, Leer does this too), and Restrain Sync 9.

Holy.  SHIT dude.  Okay.  SC Steven stacks insane amounts of damage.  For an ally.  His own damage output is pathetic.  He has no DPS, and being Normal type, his sync isn’t going to be that impressive either.  Steven is a support disguised as a Tech.  Which...is kinda worse?  Because a lot of options from first sync would be stupid good as a support, but as a Tech with minimal damage, using his sync isn’t actually a great idea.  He has very few tools to encourage his own survival, so the Safety Tether aspect isn’t going to be especially helpful if using him as an off tank either.  And the biggest issue: he’s highly specific.  Steven gives up dual strike and any form of other support in favor of Rebuff and SEUN, which is all for on-type.  You get a single striker, who is working on type, and that’s it.  His trainer move and Buddy move are also wildly skewed toward the physical, meaning special attackers...well, they still get Rebuff and SEUN, but it’s less aggressive.  I think the bigger issue is stuff like Restrain application and requirements for No Evasion condition means Steven...is really bad in Gauntlet.  Rebuffs are removed between HP bars, and can’t be reapplied, so his Buddy move turns off forever.  Changing weaknesses in the mode can also render him wildly ineffective for long stretches, given his poor supplemental DPS.  This is a man who excels in CS, but struggles wildly in Gauntlet, I imagine.  That might wind up being untrue, I may be corrected, but I think that’s how he’ll wind up playing.  That said...probably the best value all month.  This is unreasonable levels of power being thrown around, and having an effective Omni Rebuff with SEUN backing it up?  There’s gonna be numbers.

SC SHAUNA Tackle, Potion, Mirror Shot, trainer move gives status defense shield, stat reduction shield, and +2 team crit.  When she attacks, a stat is lowered on the foe and that stat is raised for the team.  When she’s hit, she alone gains +1 in a random stat.  When a trainer move is used, raises both defenses by +1.

Grid gives Attack Trap 4, which is just Shauna’s calling card at this point.  It’s a good fucking card.  Trap is stupid good, and specifically answers things like Phase 1 Cresselia and Uxie stupid well.  Team Stat Steal 4 to double up her boosting, Endurance pog, Double Potion MPR, Mirror Shot On a Roll for 60% accuracy debuff, Team Gimme Five for a +1 spectrum buff to the team after sync, Debut Regen, another stack of stealing a stat when hit, and Team Grand/Fierce Entry 1.  She also got Unbending but not Stalwart.  Huh.

Shauna is the exact opposite of Steven.  This kit?  This is gonna fuck up Gauntlet.  Massive recovery, boosting of all stats, Trainer Move denies gimmicks, natural debuffing answers a ton of threats.  This is going to have a respectable solo count.  That said, CS is a nightmare.  Inconsistent buffing means she’s only good for the most self-sufficient of strikers, and random debuffs means she’s not really helping with multipliers unless it’s Power Play.  I still really like the kit, I think it’s a ton of fun.  But she’s definitely skewed toward Gauntlet over CS.

SC ZINNIA My baby Thievul, I love you fox baby!  I kinda wish it was your pre-evo but his is fine!  Crunch and X Atk All.  Buddy Night Slash works as long as there’s a rebuff on a foe, and gives Sure Crit, steals buffs like Snatch would, and prevents the foe from buffing at all via field effect.  That’s interesting.  Trainer Move gives stat reduction defense, +2 crit, and +1 evasion.  It’s okay.  Tech nuke improves with higher stats.  Passives apply Dark Rebuff to all foes after her first use of trainer move, Free Move Next every time she hits an unbuffed foe, and...Vigilance?  Sure.

Grid gives Crunch On a Roll 2, Insult to Injury, Crunch Defense Crush 9 which is hilarious, Unbuffed Foe Staggering Hit 6 for a 70% chance to flinch a foe with no buffs, Buff Block Extension for her field effect, Rising Tide, Unbuffed Foe Sync Up 9, and Super Syncer.

I don’t think I mentioned this on Steven, but having your flinch rate be tied to having a condition up is never great.  For instance, this is a 70% flinch rate that doesn’t work on Moltres or Regirock.  So why even bother?  Double defense drops per Crunch is fantastic, she’s got some very respectable DPS for a Tech, and her sync potential is high.  The main question is whether the stat raise blocks all stat raising, or just manual.  Kinda like how Condition Shield and Status Shield are different, where one only blocks status moves like Toxic, but the other blocks any application including secondary effects of moves.  If Zinnia blocks all forms of buffs, including on entry, she can bop Latias no problem.  If entry skills bypass it, her Buddy moves only works when the foe has a rebuff.  She...cannot do that past Bar 1.  So her entire kit falls apart.  I’m going to assume it works the good way and say poggers.  But also she’s still really team reliant, needing +1 crit still and full offensive benefit.  Another that is much better in Gauntlet than in CS, I feel.

SC LYRA Lyra and Phanpy?  Okay.  Sure.  Ground support.  Mud Slap, Mini Potion All, Earthquake.  Trainer move gives team +1 Atk and +3 defense, then gives the user Type Resistance to the last attack type it was hit by a la Thorton.  It’s an inconsistent skill, I don’t really respect it.  Passives apply Ground Rebuff on hi-ARE YOU SERIOUS?  ON A SUPPORT?  OKAY.  Team Mighty Sync 9 for +1 physical moves up next after first sync only.  And Team Beef Up 9 for +1 team attack every time she takes a hit.

Grid gives First Aid 4, Focus Group 9 for +1 team crit each attack, Double Mini Potion MPR, Earthquake Trip Up 9 (sure), Team Wise Entry 2, Freevenge 2, Sterner Stuff 2, Berserk Bunch on trainer move, and BUILT-IN VIGILANCE THAT’S MY GIRL!  Okay nice, this is great.

I don’t like that it’s the Team Rocket outfit.  I know, it’s canon, but like...I hate it.  I don’t even like Team Rocket.  They’re like the least interesting villain group anymore.  And it’s super weird to do this while Team Rocket is an active menace on Pasio.  But that aside, this is a strong alt, if a bit specific.  Ground Rebuff means she wants to partner with Ground-types, but I feel like she’s not the best pick for half of them.  Like, she doesn’t work optimally with Cynthia in CS, and buffs the wrong attack for Naomi.  She’s great for Bertha, Courtney, Maxie, and SS Giovanni.  But as you may note.  Slow as shit.  Gauges.  I think she’ll be good for Ground-type CS, and generally really strong in Gauntlet thanks to Double Mini Potion and some great sustain tools.  Trip Up 9 is...a little awkward, but it’s an okay tool for the myriad Cakewalk users.

VARIETY LORELEI Rather than give her a special alt, they made her a Variety Scout.  I’m trying not to be salty about it.  They did give the Eevee alts really good tools, and whatever the fuck is up with Ball Guy seems to be going well, so maybe it’s worth it.  They did owe her an apology after the grid situation, so let’s see.  Ice support.  Icicle Spear, X Atk All, Protect.  Trainer Move gives +4 defense, +2 crit, and Endurance to all allies.  Yes, even Endure.  That’s...pretty nice.  Please have Team Sharp Entry...  Passives are No Quarter so Icicle Spear always hits 5 times, Recharging Strike 4 so 50/50 to recover gauges on each hit which is very good, and Restoring Strike 2 for a 30% chance to heal each hit.  Not bad!

Grid gives built-in Vigilance, which is fantastic.  Always a top tier skill to have built-in for a support.  Healthy Healing is nice.  Fleet Feet 1 on X Atk All is nice too, get a little H!Caitlin action.  Oh, and Shielded 1 too?  Interesting.  Natural Remedy and First Aid 4 are very nice tools as well.  Team Mighty Sync 9 for +1 physical moves up next on sync.  Initial Synchro Healing...why Initial?  I passed this over at first, but Emergency Barrier for Reflect isn’t bad when you have First Aid 4 pulling you back up and Gradual Healing sustaining you.  Revenge Boost 2, which...just take Fleet Feet.  Tripping Strike 1 and Punishing Strike 1, which have a 20% chance to lower speed and defense per hit, on a multi-hit move that always hits 5 times.  Speed is whatever without Cakewalk, defense dropping is poggers.

No Team Sharp Entry, she cannot cap crit, that’s...actually a pretty sizable problem for a support.  It’s not a death sentence, obviously, H!Caitlin gets along fine without it.  But it’s rough.  Her grid is packed full of incredible tools she will have be incredibly selective about.  Vigilance is a must, First Aid 4 is a must, I really like the potential defense drops and speed boosts on X Atk All, but we’ll see how the layout looks before finalizing judgment.  I think she’s got a lot of good tools for staying power, but may be plagued by energy issues and being unable to cap crit for those who really needed it.

VARIETY BRUNO Coulda been Bertha.  “But male characters don’t-” Don’t care.  Coulda been Bertha.  I will say, I do kinda like the tradeoff of “Two E4 members will get Variety scouts here.”  Like, that’s money in the bank for Caitlin, right?  It has to be.  It has to be...

Bruno and Onix!  Couldn’t be Hitmonchan, no sir.  Rock support!  Rock Throw, Dire Hit All+, Screech, trainer move is 1MP and gives +2 Atk, +6 Defense, and +1 physical moves up next.  Hey DeNA?  Why so many physically inclined supports this time around?  What’s up with that?  Anyway.  Passives are Endurance, Team Swift Reaction, and Sterner Stuff 2.

Grid gives Rock Throw: Flag Bearer, so he can cap attack over time.  Natural Remedy and Quick Cure are nice.  Screech: Charging Infliction 2 is nice, Sync Damage Guard is nice for a support man.  Trainer Move Pep Rally.  Adrenaline 1.  Trainer Move Team Hit and Heal, that one’s nice.  And Team Mighty Sync 9 for +1 physical moves up next.  They just love physical moves up next.

He’s...fine?  I don’t feel as strongly about him as with Lorelei.  They’re basically identical in core function, being physical walls with attack buffing support, but Lorelei has better control over attack while Bruno can actually cap crit.  The difference is passives and grid.  Lorelei has incredible sustain game, potential defense drops, and Vigilance on her side.  Bruno has Endurance and speed control.  Oh, except Lorelei has team Endurance, so like...just the speed control.  Except...Recharging Strike 4.  So...Screech, he has Screech.  That’s consistent.  I think the point was supposed to be that he emphasized consistency of certain traits that Lorelei doesn’t have, but I don’t think the trade is to his benefit.  I much prefer Lorelei’s kit.

LODGE STEVEN Cradily.  I was kinda hoping for Roxanne, but you know what this means?  Roxanne will get Golem.  She has to...

Acid, Ancientpower, Stealth Rock, Trainer Move gives +2 Sp Atk/Sp Def and Endurance.  That last bit means off-tanking.  He’s a Tech, and the nuke improves when Stealth Rock is active.  Passives are On a Roll 4, Catalytic Infliction, and...Water Guard.  Why?

Grid offers Swag Bag 3, Swag Bag 5 which is hilarious, Brute Wits, Ramp Up on Trainer Move to get to capped special attack in two turns, Sharp Entry, Staggering 2, and I cannot believe what I’m about to say, Follow Through and Super Preparation 9 on Stealth Rock.  Holy shit.

Okay, I like this one.  This is...this is good.  A little slow-burn with the Ancientpower situation and Brute Wits, but I actually like it.  You know what I especially like?  He needs the combination of crit and special defense.  FINALLY, there’s a specific target for Lodge Cynthia and Lodge Elesa.  Though admittedly, having Follow-Through on his tech nuke conditional is really powerful too.  I’ve talked at length about how good Kahili and Roark are because of that trait removing the specific need for crit support.  This is a great tool, and SEUN is wildly appreciated.  He is Lodge, so I don’t expect a ton.  But this seems like a very respectable tech nuker with some nice debuffs and a hilarious 90% to buff all stats if you want.  That’s so funny, I can’t.

STEVEN (GRID EXPANSION) Only the 5/5 grid.  Really?  Seems unnecessary, and also super shitty.  Why so few expansions this month?

To cut to the chase, I don’t like it.  Sync Defense Down 2 is cute, but it’s no fucking Rebuff.  Bullet Punch Staggering 9 for guaranteed flinch is, again, very cute until you realize finite MP so this isn’t really saving you against major threats like Moltres and Regirock.  Tough Sync 3 is...fine.  I guess.  Sync Damage Guard isn’t that useful.  Why did you get Vigilance?  They speced him wrong.  Like, half of this is offense, half of it is tank, and he excels at neither.  If you’re going to do shit like Damage Guard and Vigilance, my man needs First Aid and something like Sync Regen, he can’t live like this.  If you’re going with offense, a 30% sync buff and -2 defense per sync isn’t accomplishing much.  And Staggering 9 without MPR is cute, but it doesn’t remove the need for Aggravation in Gauntlet, which is a metric ton of energy to consume.  It kinda feels like maybe you didn’t actually try all that hard?  Maybe the 3/5 grid will save it.  But compared to Cynthia and Lance who went absolutely ballistic, this is...tame.

CAITLIN (GRID EXPANSION) AND SPEAKING OF TAME!  “Hey Crystal, what’s got you down?”  Caitlin’s grid expansion!  It sucks!  “Oh, I’m sure it’s not that bad.”  *Sync Power Flux, only gauge control is Free Moves Next on-type*  “Oh yikes, that’s pretty bad.  Well, uh...sucks to be you, you Psychic-loving loser!  Woooo!”  *cries*

Thanks, I hate it.  Furious Brain is a nice DPS multiplier, Sync Power Flux is...okay.  I think it’s a full 100% at full gauge, but like come on man, in CS that’s a dead condition that gimps her damage for literally no reason.  Fuck you.  Critical Eye 2 on trainer move is cute but it doesn’t cap all relevant stats so she still needs support.  And Super Freebie 9 is absolute fucking trash.  On-type it’s fine, but like...look, in CS, your sync multiplier fucks you for no reason, and in Gauntlet you’re almost always off-type so the gauge situation doesn’t help anything.  It sucks!  This is not good.  She didn’t get perfect autonomy in setup like Wally, she’s not the insane powerhouse I wanted (WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST GIVE HER BRAINPOWER?!), and she’s slow as fucking dirt and you gave her a multiplier that relies on her fucking move gauge being full!  On-type is not a sufficient condition for this!  All you did was change up her needs so Speed is a hard requirement!  Hell, you practically removed the desire for her to run Terrain at all, because you need Lucian!  Who is already pretty damned independent in Gauntlet as it is!  Sincerely, what were you thinking?  After all the fantastic general pool sync grid updates you handed out, you finally trip and make something half-assed in time for my girl Caitlin?  Really?  Really??  I’m actually upset.  How are you going to make this up to me?

“Boosting her own crit rate and needing speed makes Roxanne unironically one of her best partners now.”

This is actually the best update.

ROXANNE (EX) So we get one (1) new EX with colors this month, and it seems like they’re reaching back into the common pools.  It’s fine, but like...one grid expansion and one EX?  Masters Day sucks now.  We used to get three whole-ass grids, a PokeFair 3/5 expansion, and an EX, and now we get less than half that.  I dunno man, I’m kinda disappointed by-IS THAT FUCKING ROXANNE EX?!

Okay wow.  Just hand the winner of the Common Grid War even more power, why don’t you?  This feels like a form of nepotism.  Like sure, she’s friends with Steven, this is sensible.  Roxanne’s upgrade here is, frankly, tremendous.  As a spectacular buff bot who works with speed, she is one of the most effective DPS facilitators among your F2P options.  And she just got an EX support bonus.  Roxanne is going to go ham.  This is one of those upgrades that wasn’t strictly necessary, but I’m so glad she got it.  I love Roxanne.  This scratches an itch I had for like a week.  Coulda been an alt!  I’m just putting it out there.  When’s Golem.  But this is fine.

FINAL THOUGHTS If it seems like I’m bitter, it’s because I am.  Sorry, I’m not happy.

SC Steven is an interesting pair, though Stoutland is not my preference.  Shauna’s a cute alt, but it’s not like I have significant attachment to her or to Klefki.  She succeeds by having a neat kit.  Zinnia...I’m not a huge fan of, so the Thievul partnership hurts a smidge, but I guess better her than like a Team Yell grunt or whatever.  Lyra’s costume choice bothers me.  They had the opportunity to make something cute and novel and in the style of this investigation, and instead they went with a bland and annoying Team Rocket focus, and I legit hate it.  Lorelei and Bruno get alts as a Variety Scout, and they’re good, but like...variety scout (derogatory).  Steven’s grid is mid, Caitlin’s is functionally bad, and while my girl Roxanne got EX that is not sufficient for this to be a good month.  I’m upset.  I’m really, really upset.  Because we got to spend nearly a full week speculating about wow, what kind of things could they do, how exciting is it we might get a super interesting alt with the limited CS event?  Only to...not get that.  Because the champion is just...Serena.  And the other alts were a character I don’t care for, and a terrible costume choice.  And all of the scouts at 7% 5* rates, so like...have fun, I guess.

I dunno, man.  Two months in a row that feel kinda like stinkers for me.  We’re in a downswing, and I’m really bummed.  I guess the variety scout thing is an okay sign, means there’s hope for a Caitlin alt this year yet, but I wouldn’t have specifically wanted a variety scout.  I’ll take what I can get, I guess.  I dunno.  This is just exactly what I’ve been saying for days, about how letting anticipation sit too long inevitably turns caustic and disappointing.

[treesap-blogs]

Aaa sorry it’s been a while! Here’s my review of The Gilded Ones by Namina Forna!

Hello, Tumblrians!!! It probably hasn’t been that long since my last post haha, but I was supposed to post it earlier (I finished this less than 24 hours after my Firekeeper’s Daughter post, but this is taking a bit to compile). I just ate this book up in the course of a little less than 3 days and had to get to writing my thoughts.

I enjoyed The Gilded Ones about as much as Iron Widow, even with its flaws, which is saying something if you’ve seen my last post!! Everything kicked off right from the first page (not with the inciting incident of course but it wasted no time introducing everything), as a result I didn’t have to go through the Dreaded One-Hundred Pages Of Exposition that appears in some other fantasy novels. From there, I thought that we got a great idea of this story’s world, and all of the different cultures and history part of it (especially because different backgrounds got to be discussed with the incredibly diverse cast of characters)! (I trust we’ll get more specifics on the regions throughout the series.) It’s a unanimous opinion that the first half of the book had the best writing in it, and I agree with that! It’s what hooked me in enough to completely blaze through this book.

I kind of got thrown around a lot by the amount of plot twists though, Deka had like..three other layers to her origin and heritage to unpack and I can’t say it was revealed slowly because you can notice those plot points when the “quirks” of her abilities are described(she’s just kind of in denial about it a bit so have those “oh that’s what that is??” moments several pages ahead of her), it seems that those parts of the story had more of a divided opinion among the readerbase but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Although, it didn’t really feel like a mystery? Sure, there was a lot that Deka wanted to know about herself, but we didn’t get hit with clues or that much buildup. 

Spoilers when I say this (sorry) but by the end, the deathstrikers felt a little bit like the Hunduns (but if they, yknow, had been given a chance to survive, and existed on the same planet at the same time. Both were written unexpectedly sympathetic by the end).

Impressively, the alaki were still given solid stakes, despite being almost immortal! You could still fear one of your favorites permanently being killed off, there was still that kind of threat there and the tension kept the story going–but I do feel like most of that was undone by the end. I’ll elaborate on it in the spoiler section.

SPOILER SECTION! Parameters listed if you do not wish to trudge through it.

OK ANYWAYS!! So. The alaki reincarnate into deathshrieks right after they die, therefore changing the dynamic of the fighting against them COMPLETELY. That takes away most of the worry of not seeing a character again after they die, because it’s possible, they’ll just…be a little messed up. And have to kill any humans that show fear against them? Obviously, there’s the whole thing of how they’ll likely die again, deathshrieks, if their name wasn’t any indicator, aren’t exactly protected by anyone else other than their kind(they’re meant to be these uncanny creatures). So while the stakes aren’t completely taken away..eh, it’s a thing readers will either hate or be okay with. (I know the readerbase is really divided about this, let me know your thoughts please!!)

I thought the romance between Deka and Keita was alright. I have a feeling it’s due to the kinds of tropes I usually enjoy, and while I thought in retrospect it should’ve had more time(although it was incredibly easy to guess it would happen), I thought they were cute. Keita couldn’t understand the kind of pain Deka’s gone through, but he had an idea of it, and although that kind of frustrated me at times I thought it was sweet that he still tried to help her.

Anyhow. I think that’ll be all I have that’s spoiler-y to say. I’m not in as much of a review-making-space as I usually am, for some reason. 

END OF SPOILERS!

While I’m a little puzzled as to where the sequel is going to go from here, as the ending left off on a note that seemed like it was opening up for one but it’s..kind of hard to establish another solid and consistent threat(think one mentioned in summary-to-summary) when the plot was flipped on its head(and the ending feels increasingly clunky the more I think about it), you just gotta pull out a new element at that point. Oh well. However, I do think it’d be interesting to see how the alaki process their new life and knowledge, as well as how everything is going to be wrapped up, really??? We unfortunately didn’t get to see a ton of that in the end. It was a little rushed, in the way that the alaki just immediately went along with Deka.

There’s a lot of openings for interpersonal and even political conflict left by the ending. I’m curious to see how Namina Forma adds onto that, or if she addresses it. (I have The Merciless Ones on my TBR and one of my local libraries just ordered it!) (Sidenote, please support your local libraries, readers! It’s less money deducted from your bank account, and with that you can read more books, + it’s just nice to support them! They need it.)

It’s predictable, and feels pretty trope-y(something that I have to admit I didn’t notice as much of due to being someone who just started reading and hasn’t consumed a ton of YA yet), and it gets to be a wild ride towards the end, but, credit where credit is due, it is a very interesting and engaging read (regardless of what direction the plot goes in). It’s a read I recommend, although I understand why others may think differently.

(Also, my rating style’s kind of wack because I choose to rate things based on perceived quality and not my enjoyment. This book’s one of my favorites for sure idc how many stars it is or the amount of plotholes.)

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5 Stars

Paz, signing off! ^^

(Book trigger/content warnings: Torture, gore, some experienced racism, PTSD and grief.)

[goldom]

AFoLiS author commentary Part 3-1

So I can't edit much of this story without rewriting everything by hand, and I'm not that obsessed. Still, let's see what I have to say about it.

Right, "is this some sort of curio" right from the prologue. I've explained in comments somewhere, but yeah I did not have the plot in mind yet at this point, that was just a lucky coincidence. However, I did have it planned out before I actually posted the first entry, as evidenced by the "seal" written in the corner of the cover. More on that damn seal and the trouble it gave me later.

"Stelle did not, as a rule, blush" so that was a lie. I'd say that was her being an unreliable narrator, except that this part is written in third-person. Well, Stelle, maybe you didn't before, but you're gonna be blushing nonstop from here on out.

Something you forget about handwriting when you haven't done it in years is that it is SLOW and takes up SO much more space than typing. I'd write pages in the journal and then type it up and be like, oh, it's three paragraphs. Huh. Or other times I'd type an entry first, then get completely sore having to scribe out page after page by hand. I have chronic hand pain issues. Among others. Honestly, this whole 'spending hours a day typing' thing is actually great for it, because those are hours I'm not holding a controller playing games, which is way worse on it. (Using a mouse is a total no-go. Controller's still the better option for me.)

Needless to say, my phonograph is in fact always tuned to Space Walk. And sometimes, when the game story has me down, I come home and stand by it to relax. I don't, in reality, actually like being in tight spaces.

WAIT WHAT omg I totally forgot about this. Firefly actually wrote "For my ☆" on the gift tag with Amber. I thought I only had her come up with that name in Planetshine. Well, I guess they both forgot they'd seen it before, 'cause I sure did. Anyway, I've told this story before, but yeah, my spouse wrote that note for me because I cannot do nice handwriting with any amount of effort. Finding the firefly sticker for her signature was one hell of a challenge. My spouse owns an absolute trove of stickers, and we dug through ALL of them and found exactly ONE firefly in the entire lot.

Here's another story I already told, but when I had Stelle say "I would set fire to the stars for you." I had NO idea how close that is to Sam's catchphrase. I play HSR with CN voices, so anything that isn't subtitled, like battle cries, I have no idea what they're saying. I did switch to English for a while to listen to a bunch of them, but I cannot stand hearing repetitive callouts in a language I can understand.

"If I did love her in my forgotten life, and she had to watch me leave, to forget her, and then see me looking at her without recognition��" Yeah this was probably the first moment I decided that would be the actual plot. And Stelle's hatred toward her past self for that abandonment fuels everything she does for the rest of Parts 3 and 4, until she learns the truth.

This part is even funnier in retrospect, having since 'learned' that Stelle had no idea what a vibrator was. Which, yes, is what I was implying Dan was thinking.

Screw the natural order. You should rip everything apart and put it back together right if you can. In this, Stelle is absolutely speaking my mind.

Ah, the other thing Stelle keeps saying to herself for a long time, Kafka's line about making a choice. At the time, I had no memory of where the line came from, I just saw it on the POV switch screen. Thankfully I thought to search it out and discover it was in the opening cutscene before I used it here.

Stelle is scared of space. Maybe a weird trait to give a space traveler. But it's mine. Same as her, it's not the thought of traveling space. I would love to. It's thinking about how big it is. How endless. Just like time. There's too much of it. But here's where the name Planetshine came from.

"But really that’s only deep space. Near space, with planetglow and the twinkle of life, the dance of satellites, ships coming and going, burning through the darkness. That space is soft, romantic. Hopeful."

Which is exactly what Part 5 is. Soft, romantic, hopeful. I was going for a word based off what I thought at the time was called Earthglow, only to later learn it's actually Earthshine, hence the discrepancy. Maybe I'll change it in the text even though the handwritten version won't match.

Last up for this post, Interlude 2. I think I've said this before, but I wrote this the night of the 2.3 leaks. Even though I'd never thought of it on my own, I'd been reading all the posts "proving" that Firefly would join the Express, so when it leaked that she wasn't, I was heartbroken. And I said – as Stelle – "I can't fix this." Because I couldn't do it. I couldn't write years of lonely letters on her behalf until the "some day" they find their way to the same destination. After calming down, I said – as Firefly – "I can fix this." By giving up on canon and writing my own story.

The next half, or maybe third, of Part 3 to come later.

[ramuneempiremtl]

Slave-kun's Happy Life in Another World: Chapter 19

I wonder how long I waited.

"Owl, it's over…"

It was my master who hesitantly opened the bathroom door, after I felt like a long time had passed.

When I walked to my master with my legs that had stopped trembling, my master hugged me tightly.

You don't have to make such a sad face. You look like a dog that has lost its favorite bone.

"…It's my fault. I'm sorry."

"?"

"Because I didn't respond properly when we met at the branch… I guess she thought she could get her way with me if she pushed, so she followed me to the inn… I should have turned her down firmly."

"Master…"

I knew he was weak against pressure.

Indeed, if someone pushed you hard, you would probably say yes, Master. Especially since you seem to have a hard time being assertive with women.

"But thanks to that, she's gone now."

"Yes, that's right. No one will hurt you anymore."

"It's all thanks to you, Master."

"I just called the guards."

In retrospect, it was because the master, who was after the 'powder', bought me that I was able to get rid of that woman. If I had been bought by anyone else, I would have lived my life in fear of that woman's shadow.

I have to praise him for this.

It's hard to do anything when the master is still so down.

"The master who called the guards is amazing."

"……Yeah."

"You're great."

"Yeah."

There you go, even my poor vocabulary cheers me up a bit. Even dogs cheer up when you praise them.

With that out of the way, the master's stomach began to make a pitiful plea.

"Speaking of which, we missed dinner. Let's go."

"Yes."

I was led out of the bathroom by the master's hand and returned to my daily routine.

……

"Tch, it's gotten cold."

"I'll reheat it and eat it."

"Me too."

"Aki prioritized food even in this situation."

"Of course. Is there anything more important than food?"

As if nothing had happened before, a lively and noisy dinner began.

I had soup. Unlike yesterday, it was a white soup like a cream stew. There was also a little bit of meat in it. Chicken, maybe. It was delicious.

During all this commotion, Aki had apparently ignored everything and savored his meal slowly.

Apparently, Aki cooks for this party in exchange for the 'right to eat first'. That's why it's allowed.

Hmm, the bread is also delicious. Did you buy this too? I don't see any equipment in this room that could bake bread.

I want to be able to eat meat soon.

After dinner, I helped clean up the dishes and watched Aki prepare tomorrow's meal.

"Owl, come here for a moment."

I was beckoned by Nove and went to where the masters were chatting.

I wonder what it is. Is it work?

"Can you show me how you do your laundry? Oh, it's not that I have any complaints. I'm just curious about what kind of magic you use."

Try this, and I was handed a piece of cloth.

Nove seems to be good at magic, so maybe I can learn something from him.

I nodded and brought a bucket from the bathroom.

On top of that, I floated a water ball like I did during the day and swirled the cloth around inside, 'purified' it, drained the water, and put the used water in the bucket.

It's perfect, don't you think?

I held up the sparkling cloth in front of everyone.

"Wha…"

"I told you, Owl is good at controlling it, so it's okay."

"It's not about being good or anything."

"Great job, Owl."

Nove had a shocked look on his face with his mouth opening and closing, the master looked proud, Daine had an exasperated look on his face, and the leader was smiling and patting my head.

What is this?

"Listen… First of all, normally you only purify it, and even if you wash it with water, you don't float it and create a current inside! And then you add purification on top of that, and you separate only the water cleanly! You don't do that much!"

Nove is talking really fast. I guess I did something wrong.

I did the same thing every day at the mansion, but no one said anything.

Maybe that mansion was just a different world.

"Besides, you used a spell to get drinking water, right? Normally it's like this."

Nove put down the cup and water trickled out of her fingertips…

The cup filled with water.

"Got it?"

I don't understand anything?

"He doesn't understand anything."

"Ahhhhh! The point is, you don't have to float it every time!"

"Don't shout, Nove. It's fine because he's good at controlling it. When it comes to control, I was said to be a genius, and I'm on par with…"

"Those with poor magic power should shut up."

Is control the problem?

Getting water, keeping it afloat, creating a current in the water, casting 'purification' at the same time, separating only the water from the laundry cleanly…

I counted the steps involved in control and understood.

Yeah, I think it's a bit much.

I didn't know because I was just doing it all by feeling!

[casspurrjoybell-29]

Forgotten Ties - Chapter 4 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Nim crept out of his bedroom late that night but a sniffle from the living room interrupted him on his way to the front door.

He poked his head in to find Marigold curled up on the couch.

"Oh, hi Nim," she said, quickly rubbing tears from her eyes as she sat up.

Nim shook his head and held up a hand.

"You don't have to put on an act for me. I know you're not as okay as you like to pretend."

She offered Nim a sad smile.

"Are any of us?" Nim walked over and sat down.

"I wish I was. It looks so much easier in the movies. Just be a tough guy who doesn't have feelings about things."

"Oh, Nim. Men like that still have feelings, they're just awful at expressing them which actually just makes everything worse. Then they become alcoholics and die at forty-five."

"Forty-five seems ambitious at this point, and alcoholism has nothing to do with it."

"It feels that way, doesn't it? There's so much hate, in both directions and it's only growing. I try to discourage the kids from blind hate because I don't think it helps no matter how reasonable a response it is but it's getting harder and harder. Some days it's hard to even believe in these things myself."

"I guess it's not great for them to hate all humans when we live with Joanne and Peter. They're not perfect but they're not evil, either."

"And don't forget, Nim, that most of us aren't like you. Most of us were born human. Some of the kids had only stopped being human right before joining the household. They remember being human and hating our kind and now that hate is gone and they think, well, there you go. Humans are inherently hateful. That's not really how it works, though. The really fresh ones come here and they're still afraid of our kind and they feel much safer around Joanne and Peter because they're human. They learnt to hate us and, over time, they come to realise that they've switched teams and their feelings change."

"Do you remember being human?"

"Oh, barely," Marigold said. "I remember I lived with my grandma and I remember everyone was scared because one of the Fae had been seen around the neighbourhood. Other than that, all I remember was the day I died."

She didn't look upset by that, so Nim asked...

"What happened?"

"My grandma had left me at home alone while she was out, which in retrospect was wildly irresponsible because I was four. The problem was that, like most four year olds, I was extremely stupid. My grandma was an avid knitter and I got hold of her wool and decided to decorate the tree outside."

"I'm sure she was thrilled about that."

Marigold offered him a smile.

"Fortunately, I died before she could find out. I climbed up into the tree and strung the wool all about in the branches and I ended up tangled up in it too. I slipped and the wool caught around my neck."

Nim made a face.

"Oof."

"Hmm."

Marigold looked away.

"It takes a long time to suffocate. Minutes of just hanging there, uselessly kicking your legs as you slowly grow weaker and more desperate. And then, right before you die, peace. Acceptance."

"Well, there's something to look forward to."

"I don't remember anything after that. Not for a long time. What I know is that I was essentially in a vegetative state to start with and everything came back very slowly over the course of years. I don't know if my grandma isn't in the picture anymore because she didn't want me or because I was taken away from her after what happened. I guess I'm too afraid to ask. I also don't know why I wasn't living with my parents to begin with. Are they dead? Were they abusive? Did they just not want me? Who knows. It would probably be healthy to ask these things and get closure but I never have the extra bravery to spare."

"Well, they're not here now, so unless they're dead, fuck 'em."

"It is one of those questions there are no good answers to, huh?"

"My dad's never really been in the picture," Nim said.

"I was an accident born out of a casual work fling and they mutually agreed that my mum would raise me alone. She said he wasn't a bad guy or anything, just not worth having around."

"Ouch. I think I'd rather be a bad person than one who's not worth having around."

"I think he was just young and in over his head. They both were. Maybe if my mum could have gone back, she'd have decided differently."

"Maybe if she'd known you'd end up here."

"Yeah, maybe," Nim said.

"We always thought we'd have each other and that was enough. She always told me to just be good and work hard and one day things would be different. Of course, she always thought 'different' would mean 'better.'"

"I try to think like that as well. To believe things can get better and to work towards that as much as I can. You can't rely on that, though. You have to be prepared for whatever happens."

"I try to be but... fuck. I'm seventeen, Marigold. You're, what, fifteen? What are we supposed to do?"

Marigold laughed and gave a helpless shrug.

"You think I know? At least you're big and fast and strong. You can fight or you can run. Me, I'm just a girl with silly hair. I spent years just building back to being normal. Or, well, intellectually, anyway. I'll never be normal."

"You're not normal intellectually, though, are you? You're top of your classes, you're wise beyond your years, all that. You worked your way back up to normal and then you kept getting smarter. Don't sell yourself short."

Marigold waved the compliment away.

"I probably just got used to working hard. I had to relearn how to think. How to do everything, really. Studying for a test isn't so difficult compared to that."

Marigold waved the compliment away.

"I probably just got used to working hard. I had to relearn how to think. How to do everything, really. Studying for a test isn't so difficult compared to that."

"I guess. I'm trying to keep up with school but I don't know if there's any point."

"Well, didn't I just tell you the point? Being smart is always going to be useful and you don't get smart by giving up on learning."

"Won't be useful if I'm dead," Nim grumbled.

"If you die, then none of it matters anyway."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just being gloomy."

Nim let out a deep sigh and stood.

"Thanks for the talk. Feels good to say all this shit even if it doesn't change anything. Guess you were right about the tough guys dying of alcoholism. I'm going to go get naked in a park and run around now."

[secretsofblackthornhall]

Emma To Bruce

Dear Bruce,

We did it! The curse is broken! Rupert is free! Long live Rupert!

In retrospect, it’s insane how much of this we tried to do by ourselves. We should have known that when we finally succeeded we would do it with a whole team present—in this case Jem, Tessa, Kit, and Magnus. (Mina assisted by raising morale and drawing all over everything with her toy stele.)

Everyone’s still here, too, and we can relax a little in a newly uncursed house. (It really is quite homey, now that it’s been cleaned up and, you know, had its demonic aura dispelled.) Everyone except Magnus, who left this afternoon in a great rush to get back to New York.

New paragraph to talk about this, actually, because I have a lot of questions that don’t have answers and I can only ask you, Bruce. So Magnus was in a hurry to get back because of a meeting Alec is holding with Luke and some other Downworlders about plans for negotiating with the Cohort. Okay, but I feel like the Cohort doesn’t have much leverage, right? The situation is way worse for them than for us. We should be able to wait them out—shouldn’t we?

I mean they have a symbolic advantage, I guess. We’re all Shadowhunters and we all miss Idris and Alicante and Lake Lyn and probably a lot of us left stuff there we can’t get back and oh right, also a lot of people lived there who have had to evacuate all over the world and want to get back. I get that. But, like…what are the Cohort even eating in there? Idris doesn’t really grow food. Are they all homesteading in there? Raising crops? Churning butter? It’s kind of hard to imagine Zara doing any of that. But you never know. I mean, there aren’t even any demons to fight in there. Which is a good reminder that Shadowhunters are definitely not meant to hole up in Idris where there’s no demons for them to fight. I feel like Raziel was pretty clear on that point.

They must be losing their minds in there. I hope they found some board games or something.

Maybe Zara has declared herself Queen for Life and she doesn’t have to farm because she just marches around threatening to kill anybody who doesn’t grow her a potato right this instant.

Or maybe we haven’t heard anything because they all ate each other in there. Or maybe they mutinied against Zara and someone else gets to threaten to kill people now.

Okay, end of pondering the Cohort. I’m in a good mood, or was before I started this entry, anyway. We’ve been hanging out with Jem and Tessa and Kit and it’s really great. We ordered in Chinese (delivery couriers are always a bit terrified to come up the driveway, but we tip them like crazy so they’ve started to know us while we’ve been here). We lit candles—for ambience instead of for dark magic, what an idea!—and ate dumplings until we were too full to move, a thing I haven’t done since Magnus and Alec’s wedding. Apparently if I am offered dumplings, I will eat them until I become a dumpling myself. To that I say: I would never reject becoming that which I love most.

Anyway. Even Kit was less broody than usual tonight! He was hanging out with Round Tom and they seemed to be getting on okay. Oh, and I almost forgot! How could I forget! The workers found a coffin buried in the garden. But there was not a horrifying dead body inside, but rather a bunch of old stuff! Using a coffin as a time capsule seemed like a weird choice to me, but Tessa and Jem made some faces and some noises that suggested there was a long-ish story there we’ll have to ask about later.

Anyway, in the coffin was A SCABBARD FOR CORTANA. I mean, right? Can you believe it? Tessa said it used to belong to Cordelia Carstairs, who was Cortana’s wielder generations ago. The scabbard needs a lot of cleaning (a lot of cleaning) but then it can be reunited with Cortana. (After all, I think it’s probably more Cortana’s possession than anyone else’s; perhaps they’ll be happy to be reunited.)

There was also a sword for Julian—what used to be a Blackthorn family sword, but this one is only a hilt, its blade is totally missing, I have no idea why. He’s talking about getting it reforged. Big shock, Round Tom knows a guy. Triangular Jerry. No, I’m kidding on the name, but Round Tom actually does know a blacksmith and he and Julian have started talking about getting that done. (Actually, what Round Tom wants to do is have a forge installed at Chiswick, which is a cool idea, but do we want another building project on top of all the others? I mean, maybe, having a forge here at the house would be pretty cool.)

Oh, you might be wondering about Rupert’s ring, since it’s not like he could take it with him, and he hasn’t come back for it in a ghost way. Magnus checked it out and said no magic any more, just an ordinary ring Tatiana must have enchanted to bind Rupert. But none of us is going to wear it, of course. So we put it on the mantelpiece in the drawing room. Where it will remain.

The Gray-Carstairs-Herondaleses are heading back to Cirenworth tomorrow. It’s been really great having them here, but you know, it will be nice to have them go and have it be just Julian and I here in the house, not feeling creepy all the time. That seems like good times for us.

#

Bruce, good times are canceled. Everything’s gone wrong. I guess I was a little too smug about how everything was going; the universe had to come and screw it up for me.

Mina is gone.

And by gone I mean kidnapped.

And by kidnapped I mean, the kidnapper left a creepy old-timey porcelain doll (with wide, dead eyes, ugh) in her place, and a note.

I had just finished writing the above stuff when I heard a horrible scream from upstairs and loud footsteps, and came out to find everyone gathered in Mina’s room staring in horror.

I immediately thought oh no, another curse, or the same curse, the curse isn’t over, and maybe you did too, but that’s not what this is. This is something else entirely. Something involving faeries. Something involving Faerie.

Tessa picked up the note, read it, and handed it to Jem with a bad look on her face. Julian was already opening the window to see if anyone could be spotted outside, and I read over Jem’s shoulder:

[recurring-polynya]

Kiki’s Delivery Service Pumpkin-Herring Pie Baking Adventure

LOOK AT MY PIE!! BEHOLD IT!!!!!!

Project was a big success, I am extremely proud of myself, would do (and probably will) make again.

Details below the cut

There are numerous recipes for this pie online, but I chose this one by Sylvia Wakana, because it seemed like a good combination of simple and accurate to the setting. The recipe is a little light on detail, and it’s missing a few amounts. I am a pretty good baker, but I am not a great cook-- nevertheless, I was able to make my way through easily enough, and I will tell you what my measurements were as we go.

I definitely wanted to use a kabocha squash, because it’s my understanding that is what a Japanese person would mean when they said “pumpkin.” I am lucky to have an enormous international grocery store near by, so it was easy to procure one. If you can’t, I found it to be somewhere between a pie pumpkin and a butternut or acorn squash. Of the three, I find butternut by far the easiest to work with, so that is what I would use if I couldn’t find the kabocha.

The recipe says to steam it, but I wanted to roast mine because I roast squashes all the time and it seemed nicer. A tip I found suggested that kabocha can be hard to slice, and recommended roasting whole for 10 minutes to soften it up a little, which I did. I honestly have no idea if it helped, but I was able to hack it open without too much trouble. I rubbed each side in olive oil and sprinkled with salt and pepper, then roasted face down for 30 minutes. It was still a little firm, at that point, so I re-oiled and put it back for another 15. At the time, I worried that I had overbaked it. I make roasted butternut lasagna a lot, and the longer you roast a butternut, it will just get softer, but the kabocha sort of dried out-- I am guessing it has less moisture. So, in retrospect, I probably would have only put it back for another 5 or maybe not at all. 

Oh, here’s another tip! Whenever I am making a recipe with a roast squash, I roast the squash early in the day. On one hand, it’s a bit of a waste of oven heat, but on the other, it breaks up the cooking, and it also breaks up a time dependency. My kid doesn’t like dinner to be late, and a squash that is taking too long to roast and push your entire timeline back. Also, if you roast it ahead of time, you don’t burn your fingers trying to get it out of the rind!

Anyway, so the next step was to sautee some onion and mix in the squash. The moisture from the onion helped a little, but it was still looking pretty grainy. When, I added the Béchamel sauce, though, it mixed up soft an creamy! Whew!

The recipe recommends Swedish-style canned herring, and I wasn’t able to find any. Sardines are technically just young herring, and all things I found labeled “canned herring” just seemed like sardines to me (you probably could use sardines, I am sure it would work). I had seen jarred herring before, and I just felt like it would work better than sardines. Now, at this point (this is earlier in the week), I told Mr. P that I was going to buy jarred herring and he insisted that it was pickled and I said I didn’t think it was. I went to the grocery story. I had a choice of herring in cream sauce or wine sauce. Neither of them had the word “pickled” on the label. I bought the cream sauce because I thought it would be better with the recipe. Was it pickled? Yes, as it turns out, which I did not know until I actually ate the pie. The ingredients on the jar are listed as “herring (herring, vinegar, etc)” so I guess you are just supposed to know (or possibly listen to your husband, but that seems awful). Anyway, it turned out fine, I’ll get to that at the end. FYI, the jar of herring + sauce was 12oz. 

I went for Swiss as my cheese. Now, I get these same packets of shredded cheese in cheddar and mozzarella all the time, and they are 8oz, but the Swiss was 6oz for some reason. 

At this point, I was ready to start assembling. I rolled out my puff pastry (I used storebought, I have never made my own puff pastry and I don’t like to have too many unknowns in one project). I thought the puff pastry would be 9x13, or possibly larger, and was planning to bake this in my casserole. It was not, it was a square. I pulled out my 9x9 casserole instead, and, as it happened, everything fit very nicely inside, so that was serendipitous. 

A note about puff pastry! The instructions on the box said to take it out of the freezer 40 minutes before using, but I was doing some reading on puff pastry this morning and every single webpage said to put it in the fridge the night before. I stuck it in the fridge at maybe 9 this morning, and I took it out at the time I was finishing up the Béchamel sauce (this is also when I started pre-heating the oven) and it worked out great.

I ended up using one sheet of puff pastry to cover the pie and about half of the other to make decorations (I baked up the rest to eat with strawberries and ice cream as dessert). My puff pastry didn’t stick to itself very well, so I used the egg wash as glue during the assembly, which worked like a charm.

The sheet of pastry was just a teensy bit bigger than my dish, just perfect for folding down the edge and doing a little decorative crimp. I drew the fish on paper (while looking at a still from the movie) and then cut it out and used it as a stencil. I did the fins separately, which I think was a good call, because I think they puffed more that way. I have some tiny cookie cutters for doing pie decorations, which is where the stars came from. 

The recipe said it would bake for 25-30-- mine took 35. I probably should have had the rack higher-- I had put it in low to roast the squash. Oh, well, it came out fine.

So, how did it taste? Well, let’s talk about that pickled herring. There aren’t that many strong flavors in this, and I actually think it would have been a little bland if I hadn’t used the pickled herring. My husband and son love vinegar (my husband notoriously drank pickle brine from the jar as a child) and they both thought this pie was delicious. I am pretty vinegar sensitive, but the squash, cheese and pastry worked pretty well to counter the fish, so the overall effect pretty nice. The squash was mild and sweet, and did not taste dry at all in the final product. My daughter, much like the grandchild in the movie, did not care for the pie, but that was not unexpected (she got a quesadilla). 

I would definitely make this again as is-- it might be nice to use a stronger cheese, like Gruyere, especially if I tried it with non-pickled herring. I also think it would be really tasty to make this with salmon instead of herring, swapping the squash for a leek and potato base, maybe with some dill. 

It took a long time to make, but nothing about it was particularly hard. I had intended to make it in the fall or winter, but the second best time to plant a tree is right now, as they say. It’s coming up on spring here, but it did get pretty chilly this evening and it was a warm and cozy meal. A+.