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tessxomarie · 6 years

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Saving You - Part I

*Hi everyone! First, I need to shoutout @hellosupernaturaldoctor for giving me advice and the confidence to even attempt this. This is my very first time writing any fan-fiction and the first time I’ve decided to post any of my writing some place other than a word doc. I’ve had this idea for this story since mid-season of the Mayans, and after the finale I put all my thoughts into a story. It starts off slow, but I promise what I have in store next will be worth it! PS, Any feedback is appreciated! - This story takes place a few months after the season one finale. Ez is now a newly patched in member, Alvarez is still working for Galindo; things have been quiet as of late, well for the most part.*

It’s a Friday afternoon, I’m just getting off of work. It’s hot as fuck outside – guess that’s the price you pay when you live in the desert. I lazily gather my purse from the backroom, before I step foot outside, I redo my hair. What was once a cute pony tail this morning has turned into a mangled mess. As my luck would have it, my hair tie snaps as soon as I go to wrap it around a third time. “Fuck.” I mumble to myself. I always wear an extra hair tie on my wrist, but I cannot have a naked wrist. “Fine, a mangled mane I will have. It’s fine, it’s fine.” I whisper to myself. If I don’t leave here now, I will lose all sanity I have left. Man, what a shit show day today has been, this heat must be getting to the kids. Two broken wrists, a broken arm, a no helmet incident and a random summer cold. I didn’t get puked or shit on, and no kid attempted to kick or hit, so I call today’s shit show a success. Just as I’m about to leave, one of my co-workers stops me, “Leah, good work today. You kept that broken arm kid really calm. Keep it up.” Elena tells me with a smile. “Thanks, Elena. I’m just doing my job, but I always welcome feedback, so thanks again.” I say to her as I head out the back door. It’s 4:30pm, I’ve been on the clock since 6am, one would think I deserve to simply go home and use my complex’s pool – oh one can dream. But nope, I’m still on the clock but I guess you could call this gig more of an always “on-call” service.

I pull up in my old school blacked out Jeep Grand Cherokee about twenty minutes after I leave the clinic to the Romeo Brothers Scrapyard, also known as the headquarters for the Mayans MC.

Chucky greets me, per usual. “Greetings Nurse Aleeah.” He says to me with a big smile and a salute. I let out a giggle as I always do whenever someone says my full name…I rarely ever go by it, but around here, I hear it more than I have in years. But Chucky, oh Chucky– how does one describe a chronic masturbator who has a good heart and is part of the biker world without truly being a biker? I guess I just did, didn’t I? “Hey Chucky, how are you?” I ask as I park and exit my Jeep. “I am well, swell actually. I have no complaints today.” Chucky answers with a big smile. “Good, I’m glad to hear that.” I say as I give his arm a friendly squeeze. “The boys need your assistance, I don’t know details but clearly someone got messed up hence why you are here.” Chucky explains in typical Chucky fashion.I roll my eyes as I stand in front of the clubhouse. “It’s always something with these boys, huh?” I rhetorically ask. Chucky nods his head and heads back to the office. I walk up the steps and take a deep breath before I enter the clubhouse. This club is like a box of chocolates, you never know what the fuck you’re going to get so it’s best you just grin and bear it. Is it just a cut from a broken beer bottle? Did a fight break out and there is blood everywhere? A bullet wound? A stabbing wound? A rat bite? Like I said, you just never know. I open the doors and pray today is nothing major. “Have no fear, your favorite RN is here.” I announce as I enter the clubhouse and strike a pose in the doorway. “Umm, isn’t it RN BSN?” Riz corrects as he stands and greets me. “Have I told you that you’re my favorite?” I reply with a playful wink and smile, it does make me truly happy that these guys acknowledge and are proud of my accomplishments. “Hola Aleeah.” Riz says to me while we greet with a warm hug, per usual. “Hey, I spy my favorite nurse!” Gilly shouts from across the room. Creeper, Hank and Taza also wave from the card table. “Greetings gentlemen, you all seem to be in one piece.” I say as I mosey around the few tables between me and the guys. “Although that pleases me, who is the one who called up 1-800-Rescue Nurse?” I sarcastically spit, which receives some laughs from the guys. “They’re in church.” Hank points towards the door. “They? Plural?” I ask looking at Riz, and he nods to confirm. “Jesus Christ.” I say palming my face. “Lee Baby!” Coco shouts from exiting church and walking over to me with open arms. “Ah, Coco Loco.” I reply with a smile and we hug. “How are you doing, Coco?” I ask after we break our embrace. “A lot better than your next two victims.” He replies, him not making much eye contact and that just gives it away – I know automatically who my victims are. “You gotta be kidding me? They got into it again?!” All Coco does is nod and look down at the floor. “How bad?” I ask. “What do you mean? How bad do they look? Or how bad is it between them?” Coco asks me. I shake my head with disgrace. I angrily take my steps towards church and I aggressively open the door. “Damn, she is pissed.” I hear Creeper’s echo as I close the door, as soon I enter the room. Looking at the table, I see them. One is at one end, the other one on the opposite end. I drop my nurse’s bag on the table and cross my arms. “You two have some damn nerve - getting into it again. Jesus. You’re fucking brothers, you are blood – blood don’t do this shit.” I yell with anger and confusion. Silence fills the air as the guys look at each other and up at me. Bishop then looks over to me and quirks an eyebrow and half smile. “Excuse my poor manners, Bish. Your boys tend to make me lose all sanity I have left at the end of a work week.” I tell him as I walk over and give him a warm embrace. “Oh Leah, you’re fine. I know this shit has been out of control recently.” Bishop pauses and looks over to the guys. He takes a deep breath. “I’ll let you handle them now. I’ll be outside if you need a referee.” Bishop exits and I just stand there, crossed arms again. Both boys refuse to look me in the eye, but instead stare each other down. “Are you just going to stand there?” Angel seethes. I let out a sarcastic laugh. “Give me one good reason as to why I should fix the both of you up? Huh? Because as I see it, this is the fourth time this month…THIS MONTH! Angel, please, humor me and explain to me why the fuck I should tend to your wounds yet again? Maybe if I let you both be, you’ll learn these fights aren’t worth it.” I take a deep breath myself, and I run my hand through my tangled hair, which I then end up putting up in a pony tail right after, I’ll just have to remember to find another hair tie to wear on my wrist later. “Alright, I’m sorry I went off. You two, you two just frustrate me.” I say holding my hands up mimicking a surrender. I take another breath and look between the boys. My gaze is drawn to EZ, probably because he’s the easier one out of the two. “Okay, EZ, I see that nasty cut on your cheek, oh and your hand – good going big brother.” I say as I look over to Angel. He looks away the moment I look his way. “Shocker, EZ gets to be first yet again.” Angel chirps. “Seriously?” I snap. “I’m over here fucking bleeding, I could be dying but all you and anyone ever cares about is Ezekiel.” “Shut it Angel, just shut it, please.” I beg. I start to tend to EZ’s war wounds; some cuts, a nasty one on his cheek – I’m guessing Angel’s rings got the best of him this time around. EZ, he doesn’t say much this time I’m here. I know that he feels the same way as me – he’s tired of this back and forth shit with his brother. “EZ, no more. It’s one thing when you all call me to take a bullet out, or to give a rabies shot, but this shit – playground fights, I’m done.” I explain as I place the last bandage strip to his cheek. EZ doesn’t make eye contact, and his jaw is clenched. His knees shaking. “I know, Lee. I’m sorry you’re doing this again.” EZ tells me as he finally meets my eyes for the first time. EZ, he’s easy to read. He wears his emotions in his eyes, his eyes right now are filled with pain and sadness. This whole feud with Angel, it’s taken a toll on everyone in this club. It’s been almost eight months of this fuckery. “Remove the bandage Sunday night, it needs about 48 hours to heal. If you feel the need to remove it beforehand, clean it thoroughly. Have some of your favorite tequila tonight, and you will be good.” I tell EZ as I throw away the things I used to care for him. “Thanks, Lee.” He says as he kisses me on the cheek and walks somberly out of church. My heart aches for EZ, because the pain – physical and emotional is all over his face and body. Angel hasn’t taken his eyes off of the wall nor has he spoken. I slide my bag down the table as I slowly make my way towards him. Rubber gloves are on, and I grab his face. “Let’s see your damage.” I say, like a dog would when a human goes to check their mouth for something, Angel gives me a little tension as I touch his face. Again, no eye contact. A look of annoyance screams from his expression. I see a nasty cut on the side of his head, by his eye – a sensitive area which bleeds more than most. A black eye is also forming. “Jesus Christ, Angel.” I say examining the cut a little further. “This has to stop. I’m begging. I cannot deal with looking at you two like this, because my fear is that one day, I’m going to be too late to help any of you.” “What if it is?” He spews. I scoff, “No more.” Is all I manage to say. I take out an alcohol swab to clean out his cut. “This is going to sting, on the count of three – one, two, three.” I say as I then put the swab against the cut. A loud hiss comes from Angel and an instant reaction of mine is to grab his face and blow lightly at the cut, helping the sting not be so painful. Angel’s eyes then lock with mine, a look of shock and confusion fill his brown eyes. Angel and I, we’ve had a very interesting relationship since I first came to Santo Padre. He gave me an attitude and I gave it right back – he seemed more pissed off when I talked back than just walking away, and the more I talked back, the more tension built up between us. We started out on the wrong foot, and that’s how we have remained. He lets me care for him, depending on the time of day. Sometimes he lets his girlfriend, well I think she’s his girlfriend, Adelita, clean him up. Today, for whatever reason, he stuck around the clubhouse. I continue to blow on his wound, and I wince back in pain for him because I know it had to sting like a bitch. “Uhh, sorry. It’s a habit of mine, when I treat the kids, I have to do this; they hate it too, so that technique helps them...” I ramble and look away because I sense a bit of embarrassment, as I’ve never been “nice” to Angel. I look and reach back at the table to grab what I need next, just as I turn to face Angel again, I notice a very small smile on his face. “What?” I question, because seeing him smile legit concerns me. “It’s nothing, Leah.” He says monotone and lets me continue working on him. A few more minutes go by, and I determine that he doesn’t need any stitches, just a little butterfly work on one of his eyebrows. “Okay, that’s all. No stitches today, that cut on the side of your face, it’s a sensitive area that bleeds more than most. Your eyebrow cut, it’s an awkward cut – it’s ugly but not ugly enough for stitches. My only request is when you clean it out, could you please use both water and soap?” I emphasize. I know how these guys operate. They either use a dirty rag or tap water to clean themselves up. I turn to clean up my stuff and Angel lets out a minor laugh, which catches me off guard. I look at him and quirk an inquisitive look. Angel stands up, he turns behind his chair and lightly pounds his fist to the back of it. “You sounded just like my ma.” He tells me, in the softest voice I have ever heard Angel speak in. I offer him a small smile as I already know what that history is. Angel leaves church, and per usual no other words are spoken, no thank you’s, nothing. I stay behind a few more moments and collect my thoughts and belongings. I hear the door open, at first I’m startled but relieved it’s just Bishop. “How we doin’, sweetheart?” He asks. I let out a very deep sigh and my facial expression tells my feelings of this whole ordeal. Bishop can’t help but laugh, “I know, Lee. I know.” He tells me as he pulls me in for a hug. “I just need to go home and lay in bed and watch a trashy romcom.” I exclaim as I grab my bag. “I think you’ve deserved that, but before you go – you have a visitor.” He tells me. A look of a deer in the head-lights flashes across my face, who the hell could be visiting me? “Just come with me.” Bishop motions for me to take his hand and follow him. Nerves take over, with the Club, you never know what can happen. As I exit the room, I see the guys scattered all over the clubhouse yet all eyes are on me. “Your visitor is the biggest pain in my ass, so make it quick.” Bishop says, but I catch his playfulness I his voice and I look to the bar and I see who Bishop is talking about – Marcus Alvarez.

#Mayans MC #fanfic #My writing #angel reyes #ez reyes

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peakytoms · 6 years

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forgiveness~ tommy shelby

A/N: would you still be surprised if i said this was mostly smut. smut smut smutty smut smut, with just a hint of plot (just a hint since im a smut slut through and through). And i aint even the slightest bit ashamed. This lil piece (lel) features the great dommy tommy and if you got a dommy daddy fantasy then THIS ONE IS FOR YOUUU.

If you like (which i hope you doooo since i know i did) please lemme know, if you didnt....let me know that too but BE NICE THIS IS A RESPECTFUL FUCKING NEIGHBOURHOOD AND IM STILL SENSITIVE YA KNO?

Word Count: 6003!!!! 6003 words of mostly smut AND YES I KNOW ITS PROBABLY HELLA EXTRA @ nonnie SO DONT READ IF IT YOU DONT LIKE LONG AF SMUT PIECES (also who have noticed that my pieces get sunstantially longer and longer everydamn time i post?)

ENJOY!

It wasn’t unusual for Tommy to leave the city without telling you. Just as it wasn’t unusual that when he did, you would swear to the high heavens that you were finished with him and his antics. You knew that Thomas Shelby was not the most open man, but you thought maybe, maybe he would have the decency to keep you informed in what was going on in his life. After all, you were in his life, and when you were with him, he made you feel like you were a big part of it.

It was four days later when you heard he returned. The bastard probably too preoccupied with work to bother coming to tell you himself. You didn’t want to care that he was back. The man never bothered to think of you so why should you think of him. You didn’t want to care. But you did. Because no matter how insignificant he treated you 90% of the time, the 10% he did spend with you were the greatest times of your life. Never having felt as special as you did when you were wrapped in his arms.

You thought again to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it was some really urgent business, maybe he was kidnapped, held hostage. Maybe he was involved in a fight and lost his consciousness and his memory. You waited all day for Tommy to find you and give you an explanation. You waited and waited and he never came.

You were done with waiting.

The march toward Watery Lane did nothing to wane your anger or feelings of hurt. If anything your already strong emotions increased along the journey. You paused just outside the door to the Shelby residence trying to collect your thoughts so as not to forget any of the reasons you hated Tommy Shelby. With your head held high you pounded confidently and loudly on the door. It was only a few minutes before you could hear the tell-tale Tommy Shelby footprints descending the stairs from behind the frame. He was smiling as he opened the door, already knowing it would be you. However, the smile quickly fell from his lips after you marched straight inside the house without so much as a glance in his direction.

You made your way over to the living area, suddenly hit with a wave of nerves, no longer sure that you should be poking and aggravating the feared lion that is Thomas Shelby.

Feelings which quickly passed when you heard him clear his throat in annoyance.

“Have you not got anything to say?” You speak, trying to hold as much conviction as you can in your words, cursing yourself as your words cracked near the end.

In the brief hesitation of his silence you turn around to look at him. Shocked and hurt you watch him reach into his jacket pockets for his cigarettes and his matches, slowly inhaling the smoke and exhaling as if he had all the time in the world. As if your time meant nothing to him.

As if you meant nothing to him.

“You were gone four days Tommy? What? It didn't occur to you that maybe I would care to know where you were going? That you were going?,” you hurry the words out feeling your emotions starting to get the better of you. “What were you doing Tommy? Did it have something to do with Sabini?”

“It was business YN. And my business is not your concern.” He replied in a bored tone, taking another small inhale from his cigarette and letting the smoke slowly carry itself out of his mouth. His stupid and beautiful and irritating mouth.

“Not my concern,” you scoffed in disbelief. “Yes, well... what exactly can I be concerned about Tommy? I’m not allowed to know where you are half the time, not allowed to know who you do business with, I can't know what your business even is involved with! I can't know when you'll be around, if you'll be around… It seems that the only time I’m allowed to be concerned about anything to do with Thomas fucking Shelby is when he wants something warm to stick his cock into! You want a whore Tommy? You can find somebody else!” You scream out, surprised that despite the broken feeling you feel in your heart over what you just said your voice held strong.

“What the fuck did you just say?” He whispers back menacingly, finally making eye contact with you from across the room. “This is who I am YN! You knew that when you got with me. My business is my business, not yours. Coming here demanding what- that I tell you everything? Kicking off at me for BEING THE MAN YOU KNEW I WAS! You think I haven't got enough on?! Eh? Is that it? You think I haven't got enough on?! I’ve got my brother, the Italians, the Jews, the Irish, fuckin Inspector Campbell breathing down my neck, and what? Eh? You think I have the time to deal with all this? You want a fight, pick it with someone else, I dont have the time for your childish games.”

“Well don't worry Tommy, there's no need to deal with this anymore,” you said as you emphasized the space between the two of you with the wave of your hand. His eyes held yours, and as he slowly registered the meaning of your words they darkened with something that was different than anger, but undetectable all the same.

“Oh what?” he countered, his words and eyes hard as ice, “you gonna walk out that door?”

“Yeah Tommy. I’m gonna walk out that door,” you bit back, trying to hold your own under his intimidating glare.

“You are not fucking walking out that door Y/N.” His voice was a warning. Calm yet threatening. The aggression that was laced in his tone tantalizing, sending shivers racing down your spine to between the heating core between your legs.

“You gonna stop me Tommy?” you scoffed out with a laugh. Your eyes testing his.

“Oh I don't need to stop you princess. You're not walking out that door.” The manner with which he spoke was detached from any emotion, his voice as placid as ever, he face clear of any discerning expression. He kept his eyes on yours as he fished out another cigarette, lighting it up and inhaling it twice before he made any further move to speak. He held you there, frozen, as you waited for what was coming next. Knowing from the clench in his jaw, and the way he was fiddling with his cigarette that it would be a long night. He began to make his way over to you from across the room, walking slowly with the purpose to put you on edge...an effort at which he succeeded. “No...you see, you didnt need to come here tonight, but here you are. You wanted to come, and I’m willing to bet, that’s not the only thing you wanted by coming here,” he said slowly, each step bringing him closer and closer to you, forcing you back into the wall behind you. “Tell me why you came here tonight Y/N.”

Being in such close proximity to him was paralyzing. His scent overwhelming your senses, his steady breath fanning down across your face. Your mind became hazy as you tried to remember why and how you have ever been mad at him. His eyes mesmerizing any rational thought from your mind.

“I didn't come here to tell you any else than ‘fuck you’,” you dared, keeping your voice firm and chin high as you looked him square in the eye.

“Fuck me eh? Well...you could have just asked sweetheart. I would have been happy to oblige,” his lips quirked into a smile. A stupid and beautiful smile on his stupid and beautiful face. You wanted to scream looking at him—so beautiful and stupid.

“You know that’s not what I meant Tommy. God, I mean, you don't ever listen to me!”

“Oh I’m listening sweetheart. And you know? You almost had me. I almost believed you—coming in ‘ere, guns blazing, screaming at me for what? Not giving you enough...attention? That’s what you need right? Need daddy to give his princess some more attention? Hm?”

“Fuck you,” you spat out. The tone in your voice may have implied one thing, but the way that your back arched into him as he brought his face down to yours said another. Tommy kissed you with a hunger that could never be satiated, his mouth devouring your every exhale, his air the only one your could breathe. When he pulled away moments later he left you gasping, fighting against your lungs need for breath when you were desperate for more of him. You watched in confusion as Tommy took a small step away from you, his hands finding his cigarettes in his pockets and fishing another one out. He watched you under squinted eyes as he lit up and sucked back on the stick, purposely making your squirm under the intensity of his gaze. You could hear the embers of his cigarette burn with each inhale that he took, the smoke billowing out and fogging your vision along with your other senses.

“Oh how you frustrate me princess,” he began, sucking in his teeth as he spoke. His lips quirking back into that infamous small smirk of his as a hint of a chuckle escaped past his throat. “I am… I am a reasonable man. And I want to make sure that you are satisfied... that your needs are well-taken care of. I have treated you well, and yet, despite this, you flip me off—you disrespected me. Am I just supposed to give you what you want? Reward this poor behaviour you’ve exhibited this evening?”

You knew he wanted an answer. Knew that it would make for an easier night if you just opened your mouth and told him what he wanted to hear. But you were frozen. Held captive by the ice in his eyes as he looked at you expectantly. Bringing his hand back up to his lips, he took a slow drag as he waited, his eyebrows raising along with his impatience. Tommy reached his breaking point sooner than you expected, his free hand grabbing hold of your shoulder, pinning you against the wall on your stomach before reaching for your neck and squeezing lightly. The aggressive way he handled you frightened you just as much as it aroused you.

“You really think it’s a good idea to continue to test me? Do you not think you’ve gotten yourself in enough trouble today my little one? I expect an answer.”

His fingers loosened his grip as he waited for you so speak. You could feel him hardening underneath your ass, his hips pressing firmly against you to keep you in place. The delicious sensation of it all making it difficult for you to suppress the smile threatening to fall on your lips.

“I’m sorry daddy,” you whined, grinding your ass deeper into his hips, your body in wanton need of his. “I didn't mean to make you mad, I just–you were gone for so long, and I– well– I missed you. Missed the way you feel… please forgive me daddy.” Your voice was sincere as you continued to speak, hoping that Tommy would take some pity at the thought of how you struggled in his absence.

“Hmm… you poor little bird. I’m sorry to hear that, though you should know there are better ways of asking for my attention. Ones that don’t involve disrespecting me.”

“I know daddy, but this way was much faster. And...well… effective.”

The haughty laugh that escaped his lips made your lower lips quiver licentiously, the heat in your core burning with white light from the anticipation of what was to come. Tommy moved his body so he was level with your own, his mouth biting down into the space where your shoulder and neck meet, sucking back the skin with his lips. Making sure to leave his mark.

“Well princess, you’ve certainly got my attention,” he murmured deeply into your reddening skin. Tommy dragged his teeth along the line of your neck up to your jaw, kissing and sucking his way up to your lips. With your bottom lip between his teeth, one of his hands found your ass— a harsh slap raining down on your cheek. “Careful what you wish for little bird. Upstairs. Now.”

Tommy pressed hard against your ass for a second more before stepping back to allow you to move, wanting you upstairs as quickly as possible. As you turned to look back at him, his stare alone was worth any number of the punishments he was conjuring up behind his cold and hard expression. Your feet ran up the stairs without any further instruction, the anticipation over what was to come something that was tangibly evident between your heated legs. At the sound of his heavy footsteps behind you, you turned around, smiling devilishly coy at him as you walked up the stairs backwards, tripping a few times which earned you a few small smirks and chuckles from his lips. He caught up to you rather quickly, his strong arms enveloping you with ease as he hoisted you up over his shoulder. You squealed with glee at his exuberance as he threw you onto the grand bed that was in his room. Tommy sauntered over across the room, resting his body against his wardrobe as he waited for you to undress, a command which he gave with just a look in his eye in lieu of actual words.

Your hands made quick work of your dress buttons, knowing that teasing him would not be in your favour tonight... no matter how fun it would be. Tommy turned away from you for a moment, placing a record in the gramophone to let some soft music fill the room. You halted you movements in confusion, unsure of where he was going with this. Tommy was not so much of a music man— the gramophone in his room present only to humour you on the days he had kept you alone in his house while he went to work. Your eyebrow was quirked up curiously when he turned around to face you once more.

“I want to watch you princess. I want to watch you dance for me.”

You looked back at him in shock, the request that he made so far deviated from any of his usual ones. Even though he purchased and kept the gramophone for your use, Tommy has never seen you danced, never seemed to show any interest for that matter. A sly grin forming on his lips as he walked toward the bar he kept in the corner and poured himself a healthy glass of whisky in his glass. He moved to hand the glass over to you, gifting you his offering.

“Some liquid courage little bird?” he teased, his eyes growing dark as your hands slipped around his to grab the glass.

You licked your lips before downing the drink without a second thought, desperate for some more to further ease your inhibitions.

“Can I have another daddy? Please?” you asked, your voice small and sweet.

Tommy nodded curtly as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed. Walking slowly over to his private bar, you poured yourself another liberal shot and tipped it back your throat in one smooth motion. Despite how long you have known Tommy, you never really got used to the taste of whiskey—finding the taste much to astringent for your own liking. You refilled his glass once more for him before walking back over to the bed. He retook possession of the glass and settled in on the sheets, leaning back on his elbows and tilting his head for you to continue with his demand.

“Go on little birdy, start dancing.”

Willing the alcohol to work its magic, you closed your eyes and breathed in deeply. You felt like the room was spinning, though we're not sure if it was because of the alcohol or the embarrassment from the task at hand. Your hips started to sway side to side as soon as he cleared his throat in annoyance, obviously having grown impatient with your stalling.

Raising your arms above your head you turned your back to him, twisting your waist as you swayed your ass in his view. You could hear Tommy maneuver behind you, and as you craned your neck over your shoulder, you watched as he licked his lips and palmed himself through his trousers. His eyes clouded with lust, his mouth practically drooling.

“Take off the rest of your clothes darling, but keep dancing,” he muttered out absentmindedly, most of his attention focused on his throbbing cock that he was palming with his right hand while he tried to loosen his shirt collar and buttons with his left.

With the rest of the buttons on your dress undone, you shrugged the fabric off from your shoulders, allowing it to billow around your ankles before stepping out. Untying your brassiere and shimmying out of your knickers, you threw your intimates to where Tommy was on the bed, eliciting a low growl which turned to a chuckle to escape from his mouth. You watched as he grabbed hold of your panties, his fingers tracing along the lacy edges, inspecting the evidence of your desire you left on them.

He commanded you to touch yourself, his eyes widening with amusement at the sight of how your cheeks blushed red. You could feel the wetness seeping out through your legs as you cupped and massaged your own breasts. Where once you felt nothing but embarrassment, you now felt erotic and sensual, the hungry look in Tommy’s eyes spurring you on further.

“Would you care to join me daddy?” you asked, trailing your fingers down to where you needed them most.

His eyes drank you in but he made no move to get up or join you. You continued your frilly dance as you waited, turning back around away from him as he seemed to contemplate his next move.

“C’mere,” he commanded, his voice sounding as strong as ever. “On your knees.”

Blushing a deeper shade of red now, you sunk to your knees and crawled on your hands towards Tommy, swaying your ass slowly from side to side as he looked on ravenously. He removed his right hand from his groin and took off his shirt, letting his suspenders hang off the side of his waist before he moved to unbuckle his pants.

When his cock was pulled, you found he was already leaking, the tip red and beading with his pearlescent precome. You mouth opened as you reached him, the need to have him between your lips completely overwhelming. Tommy collected his desire with the tip of his thumb and leaned forward on the bed to slip his thumb on your tongue. You sucked on him ravenously, swirling your tongue around the tip of his thumb as if it were his cock. With his other hand, Tommy finished off his untouched glass of whiskey, discarding the emptied tumbler on the floor so he could harshly grab hold of your hair.

“I shouldn't even let you touch me after the way you behaved this evening. I should be teaching you a lesson, but christ Y/N, that mouth is just begging for it isn’t it? And you need this don’t you little one. Need daddy to give you some extra attention eh?” His voice and expression looked sweet and loving, his eyes and lips crinkling into a smile as he indulged you.

Nodding enthusiastically, you hummed around his thumb, Tommy swirling his digit around in your mouth as you did.

Pulling his thumb out with a wet pop, you spoke. “Please daddy. Please let me–.”

“Best get to work little girl, before I change my mind.”

Leaning forward, you took his hot cock into your mouth, humming with assent at the slick feel of his velvet skin against your tongue. As your mouth closed around him, you could hear his breath hitch aggressively, his teeth holding back the guttural groan threatening to escape. Leaning back on his left forearm, his right hand fell behind your head, guiding you however he wanted by the roots of your hair. Your own hands rested on top of his thighs, trying to push back as Tommy forced you to take him deeper.

“You will not fight me little bird. You asked for this remember? Don’t be ungrateful now.” His grasp was painful as he pulled on your roots, ramming the back of your head onto him again and again. You tried your best to relax your throat, to focus on your breathing, but Tommy’s ferocity gave little leeway for any of that. He wanted your mouth, and Tommy was a man who always gets what he wants.

Tears were filling your eyes as you looked up at him, humming a few grunts to get his attention back on you. As his eyes met yours, he loosened his grip slightly, allowing you a brief respite. Emboldened with the ferocity of your passion, you took your mouth off of Tommy, blowing cool air onto the wet mess you left behind. Tommy groaned out a frustrated laugh, his lips forming a grin that flooded warmth straight between your legs. You took him back in, gliding your tongue up and over his veined shaft before he did so. His hands find their way back to your hair, pushing you down once more with no time for adjustment. You throat began to burn as he shoved himself further in. Moans of desperation building but no room to escape.

“That’s it sweetheart, take it all like a good little girl. I bet you’re feeling extra special right now aren’t you?” he teased, his voice raspy and deep and delicious.

At the pace he was setting, it wasn't long before you could feel his muscles twitch under your tongue. His grunts coming out quickly as he fell down back on the bed, knowing you to be more than capable of finishing him off.

You felt it before you tasted him. The warm liquid spurting to the back of your throat in gushing bursts, the overflow oozing wetly against your tongue. Tommy strained to look at you, his orgasm prolonging as he looked at you with his come frothing around the sides of your mouth. Swallowing him back, you revelled in his taste against you tongue, making sure of lick up every last drop as it continued to spill from his tip.

“Thats it my girl...clean up the mess you made. Good girl.” Tommy moaned out, his voice still heavy and breathy from his recent undoing.

Licking up the sides of his veined manhood, you decided to take a risk, helpless against your own ego and wanting to tile him up yet again. Baring your teeth with a teasing smile, you grazed them lightly against his veined and aching skin. Tommy lurched forward, grabbing hold of your face harshly with his deft fingers. His eyes looked wild when they met yours, his own teeth dazzling bright against the animalistic smile he was wearing. An arrogant laugh came up from his throat as he pulled out of your mouth and slapped you across the face. The impact was not exactly hard, but it wasn't exactly soft either. Tommy knew what he was doing. He wanted you to feel him, to be reminded of his strength, his power, his dominion. He wanted to make you think twice about going against him again. But as you began to laugh in his face— taunting him— he knew you didn’t quite get the memo.

“Watch yourself little girl,” he warned, his voice as icy as his eyes.

“Make me,” you countered back, garnering another slap across your cheek, his hand exhibited far more strength this time than the last.

“Christ...you missed me that bad huh? You know, if you want something princess, you need to ask for it, I am a rather busy man.”

“Am I being bad daddy? Maybe you need to... punish me?” you said coquettishly, hoping that would be enough.

Another slap. This one hard enough to move your face even though his other hand holding your chin firmly in place.

Tightening his left hand even more around your jaw, his brings his head in closer, forcing you back up straight on your knees.

“I said you had to ask for it sweetheart. Now tell me... what is it that you want?”

Shivers ran down your spine as you looked at him, pooling the warmth of your desire down your core. With his hand still tight around your chin, his thumb traced the line of your bottom lip. Granting him access you pulled in his digit, holding his thumb between your teeth as you sucked. You pulled him out with a pop, kissing the tip of his thumb between sentences.

“You. I want you. And this hand.... And I want marks all over my body to remind me of you in case you leave me again. I want to be yours daddy. I want you to make me yours. Please sir.”

“Ask and you shall receive princess. C’mon, get up, lay down on the bed and let daddy take care of you eh?”

Giggling enthusiastically, you grabbed on to Tommy’s outstretched hands as he helped you stand and kept you stable on your stiffened legs and joints. Tommy moved you against the edge of the bed, laying you down on the stomach and spreading your legs apart with his foot, shifting your hips upwards with his hands to force your ass in the air.

“Count them out for me little bird,” he said before bringing his hand down on your bare backside, the sting of the impact instinctually tensing your muscles.

“One,” you moaned out, trying your best to wiggle your hips to bring some friction on you aching cunt.

When his hand came down again on the opposite cheek, you groaned out from the pain, each subsequent slap being counted out through gritted teeth.

“Nine–oh god...nineteen. Please daddy,” you begged, trying to find the strength of move one of your hands under your stomach between your legs, stopping when you felt his gentle caress trace over the reddening bruises on your arse.

“Yes my little bird?” he asked back, the smile audible in his voice.

“Help me daddy–please.” Given the position you found yourself in, you had no qualms over the shameful way you begged for him. You couldn't be bothered to think of what you must look like, sound like— not now. Not when you needed him as desperately as you did. All you could think about was the budding fiery sensation building aggressively in your core and nothing else. You needed him, and you didn’t care what you had to do to get him.

One more slap rang down on your skin, forcing a choking gasp out from your throat as you struggled for breath. Before you could count off this one, Tommy forced two fingers into your sopping cunt, thumbing your clit with small circles. With his other hand he held you down, stopping any chance you had of pushing back on his fingers to bring him deeper. When Tommy removed his fingers so soon after shoving them in, you cried out actual tears, struggling against his strong hand on your back as you tried to grab on to him.

Your mumbled moans became muffled as Tommy brought his two fingers to your lips. You sucked them back eagerly, mewling against him as your tongue swirled against him. When he took his fingers back, he replaced them with his lips, kissing you passionately and biting down on your bottom lip.

“Oh how I love you my sweet little bird. Always so good for me...So receptive. I’m sorry for not giving you the attention you deserve princess, but let me right that wrong now eh? Does that sound good angel”

“Oh God, yes daddy–ye–yes it does.,” you moaned out in a breathless whisper, too preoccupied by the thought of his cock deep inside of you to register the words ‘I love you’.

From the corner of your eye you watched him stroke himself with one hand while stroking your back with the other. Tingles radiating from his fingers where they connected with your skin, making your back arch up to meet his touch. You wiggled your hips eagerly, a desperate groan rolling off your tongue as you heard and watched Tommy spit onto his cock. He held himself against your entrance for a few excruciating moments— ever the tease that man.

“Is this what you want little bird? Hmm? Is this what you’ve been waiting for ever since I’ve been away? My cock here inside of you? For me to fuck you?”

He slowly began pushing in, exhibiting impressive control considering how easy it would have been to just slide right in to your sopping cunt.

“Yes! God daddy please, please let me feel you. I want to feel all of you please!” you cried out loudly, your breaths coming out in short, hard pants— you were a bitch in heat.

“Oh you’ll feel me sweetheart. You’ll feel me tomorrow, and the day after that, and the next day. You won’t be able to spend a second this next week without feeling me…”

Trailing off, he pushed in, sinking deeply into you with a guttural groan. Tommy wasted no time as he began pounding into you from behind, his balls slapping against you ass from his vigor. Even though you were laying down on your stomach, the ferocity with which he fucked you sent you bouncing on the plush mattress. Hands gripping tightly around his expensive bed sheets, you tried to push back against him. Needing him deeper— harder. Needing everything he had in every single way he could give it.

Tommy was grunting loudly behind you, digging his hands into the skin of your hips hard enough to bruise you even more, his fingernails leaving large half-moons all over your waist. He knew you were close, hell he knew you were close long before he was even inside of you. Your body tensed up from the minute you walked through his door, desperate and yearning for some relief.

One of his large hands moved across your back as your upper body started writhing beneath him. Bending slightly on his knees, Tommy changed the angle of his thrusts— gasping audibly out at how your body clenched around him as a response. Your screams were filling the room as Tommy kept hitting you from behind, the sounds bouncing on the walls as you came around him. The violent pulses of your orgasm roaring through your body to every single one of your nerve endings. Tommy did not let up, his thrusts never waning even as you clenched and yelped around him.

You were struggling with your arms behind you to touch him, to feel him in some way to ground yourself back down to him. With your hand splaying wildly behind your back above you, Tommy grabbed one. Using his grip on your hand, he flipped you over, sliding out of you far more easily than he slid in. Tommy held you tight against his chiseled chest, quickly finding his way back into your cunt and resuming his pace. With one hand holding your weakened body, he used his other to hold your face up to look at his, demanding that you kept your eyes on his as he fucked you.

Despite his previous confession, there seemed to be no love in the way that Tommy claimed your body with his. His darkened pupils bared no affectionate glow toward you but only a possessive dominance. He fucked you like you were his toy, one of his dolls, but it didn’t matter, so long as you were his.

“Oh god daddy…,” you moaned out. A soft exhale that was but a whisper in his dimmed bedroom. A pledge of submission that echoed loudly off the walls, reverberating back to his ears and to his cock.

Tommy moved to kiss you, his lips hard and rough against yours as his rhythm became more erratic, his legs starting to shake under him. He took everything you had to offer him— your breath, your moans, your tears, which had begun to spill from your eyes from both the exertion and the delicious painful pleasure you were experiencing this moment. Pulling away from your gruffly, he brought his hand back down on your face— the unexpected slap dragging your attention back onto him from the transfixed haze you were falling in.

“Look at me princess. I want you to watch my face as I come inside of you. Keep them open sweetheart,” Tommy said through strained grunts, trying his best to stave off his own undoing as he waited for you. His free hand grabbed hold of one of yours, pushing it down to where your bodies met, knowing even in your blissed-out stupor your primal instincts for pleasure would take over.

Without seemingly any conscious effort, you started manipulating the hot bud at the apex of your thighs, bringing you closer and closer to the edge of another orgasm. Tommy was practically drooling as he watched. His eyes shifting down from your own to the spot your bodies met— watching you as you desperately pinched and rubbed against your swollen clit, your body practically limp and lifeless were it not for his arms holding you up.

The warm pool inside your core suddenly became a flash flood as Tommy wrapped your legs around his waist, granting himself access to drive even further into your body. He held you tightly as you convulsed around him, his eyes wild as they forced and maintained contact with your own. Frantically thrusting into you, Tommy suddenly stilled, milking around her walls. Despite how high you were, you were still able to savour the feeling of his warm seed jolting within you, still able to notice and feel the way his body twitched inside you as he came.

“Christ girl, fuckin’ hell,” he groaned out.

Tommy fell forwards on top of you, your spent bodies collapsing down on the edge of the bed. His teeth bit down on your shoulder as he finished coming inside of you, grunts quietly subsiding as soon as he kissed his way up to your lips.

“You're mine Y/N. All mine,” he murmured gently into your lips, his body still attached to your own. “And I’ll make sure you never question that again my sweet girl. Daddy’ll always take care of you.”

“Hmm, thank you sir. ’m sorry for before, I shouldn't have yelled at you the way I did... forgive me daddy?”

“Nothin’ to forgive you for girl, I should be the one apologizing. I took you for granted. But I’m going to make up for it now sweetheart...if you’ll let me.”

“I don't think I can go again daddy…” you trailed off, your voice coy as can be. Your hands finding his hair and gently massaging his scalp with your nails.

“Oh yes you can my girl, you can't deny a man seeking forgiveness can you?. Plus my tongue has missed you, am I’m fairly confident you’ve missed it as well.”

“Well I guess if you put it like that…”

Using what strength you had left, you tried to push his head down, meeting resistance from his much stronger body.

“Give me a minute little bird. You've worn me out just then. I’ll start my atonement soon don’t you worry”

Tagged: @prettieparker86 (if you want to be tagged just lemme know and I’ll try my best to remember!)

#im not too happy with this ending since i just kinda dropped it #but i was at 6000 words and felt like it was time #plus i was dehydrated wink wink #omg kat stop being inappropriate #tommy shelby #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby smut #tommy shelby x reader #peaky blinders #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders smut #SORRY FOR IT BEING SO LONG BUT ALSO IM TOTALLY NOT SORRY #call me satans slutty mistress #satan is my daddy

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rqs902 · 6 years

Text

qcyn ep 8 aka the loss of some real talent..... (but also, thankfully, some needed recognition was given as well)

psa im probably gonna be posting stuff involving some spoilers soon, so ill tag them as #qcyn spoilers and you can feel free to block those posts if you dont want to see them!

awwwwwww shi mingze helping mingming get people’s attention is the cutest friendship!!! mingming is so quiet... i love a supportive mingze!!! also thank you iqiyi for giving him more screentime!! i can notice it already!

LOL sun zelin in this rap heavy group..... but this group is already the most fun group hahahah omg ye ziming talking about the fact that he knows he’s not likely gonna make it so he needs to help those kids who are more popular get better......... UGH WHY DO PEOPLE NOT RECOGNIZE THIS AMAZING CHILD. oh my goodness this is so sad.... the fact that THE KIDS WHO KNOW WHAT THEYRE DOING had to make a club dedicated to helping the kids who dont.... bc they know theyll make it instead of themselves....... that just means that they all know the next elim is gonna get rid of a whole lot of real talent. thats so messed up.... this whole montage is like iqiyi being like “thanks for helping our kids look nice on stage, once you’re done, you’re gonna be forced to leave. byeeeee”

OMGOMGOMGOMOGMOGMOMGG LIN MO IS A CANDIDATE FOR CENTERRRR YESSSSSSSS I CANT BELIEVE!!!!! AMAZING!!!! also look at all the tyger members together aww

LOL lian huaiwei is just so funny just talking LOL. wait. so about that clip of lin mo helping chaoyuan and youwei that came out earlier this week. chaoyuan and youwei arent even in his half of the group. that means lin mo went out of his way to help them even tho he hasnt been practicing with them as closely as like huaiwei. wow he not only helped his own group but he went out to make sure everyone in their larger group got special help, AND youwei still called him “teacher” which means lin mo is probably regularly helping him. wow. man,, they didnt show any of lin mo’s group’s practice wtf........ i swear iqiyi is about to drop jia yi or something bc i thought theyd at least wanna show some of him.... but the small bit we saw of their dance wow lin mo is gonna do sooo well ahhhh he looks so good already, even in these lumpy practice clothes, im so excited to see him on stage

lol yaoyao (yao bolan) is in the super cute grouppp hahahhaha but ahh him talking about every faking their happiness really.... shows how observant and sensitive he is to his friends’ feelings, which is aw....

OMG THEY JUST SKIPPED ANNOUNCING the lower ranks ???? i mean i get u gotta be time efficient, but thats a little too efficient??? omg but sun zelin!!! and wu chengze!!! and wu zelin!! omg wang jiayi dropped so much. iqiyi has seriously just dropped him like a hot potato wow. CHEN SIJIAN WENT UP WHOOOO lol the creativity is real in this one hahahaha his speech

ok im sorry but wtf how did these three (14-16) get in front of lin mo, excuse me???? sigh.... oh well, at least hes still within top 20, i just want him to at least make it to top 20... lol they only let like 3 kids talk...... this is just too efficient yall.....

omgosh........ shi zhan and yaoyao........... ahhhhhhhhhhhh my heart ;;;;; yaoyao’s smile......... another bg project boy is gonna leave ahhh

yao chi’s speech omg..... the child has seriously been through a lot of mental trauma look at how much he’s shaking goodness

omg i cant believe jia yi dropped so much...... wtf.......... are people blind???? iqiyi is really about to drop him omg i really think they havent been giving him enough screentime alskdjlk wow way to randomly cut off jia yi’s thank you to zhan yu.... wtf i need more jia yi + zhan yu time.... zhan yu is like jia yi’s favorite gege.... omg zhan yu’s tears ahhh zhan yu may say that he wishes he could be the maknae but he honestly cares so much for jia yi, even tho he’s not much older than him, its so aw.....

omg i just looked up ye ziming on weibo and hes friends with guanguan, changbin, zhu zijie and zhong yixuan??? omggg fandom clash wowow

this segment with these kids with disabilities........ i dont know how i feel about this...... it feels problematic to me....... the trainees dont know what theyre doing, so how is this benefitting these children? if anything its just to make the trainees look like theyre doing some great charity work or something, but i dont appreciate the attitude some of them have towards these kids... i get theyre frustrated and werent properly prepared to interact with them, which i dont blame them for, but its like why is this segment even a thing, iqiyi??? theyre just coming in and using these kids as a backdrop to make themselves look nice, and not actually doing anything sustainable or meaningful to help them... what good is it to get these kids to like them and get familiar with them just for them to leave within a few hours? its just another person who came and left........

omg guan yue is second omg good for you, child!!!!!!!!!!!!! good good good im glad, he deserves it!!!!!!!

lol they better show the other rounds of this basketball tournament in the extra clips..............

these ads are getting more and more ridiculous im ??? cowboys ??? ?

NOOOOO ZHAN YU!!!!!!!!! 37!??!!?!!! I CANT BELIEVE THEYRE SO CLOSE AGAIN!!!!! ALSKDJLKJLK FIRST ZHEN NAN 61 AND NOW ZHAN YU 37 AGHHHHHH ok but i cant even be mad at yuzhi bc i know he deserves it too.

OMG WHY THE FRICK WOULD YOU CHOOSE WENHAN /?!?!??? AGAIN!??//!? THEY SHOULD BE PICKING KIDS THAT NEED TO GET PICKED!!!!!! WENHAN IS THE LEAST OF YOUR CONCERNS GOODNESS GRACIOUS ALSKDJLASKJDL

omg boyuan!!! they really like boyuan hahah but he deserves it too and zhuo yuan being so so happy for him is the sweetest ahhhh and junjie crying ahhh i love these 3 roommatesss

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS ZHAN YU!!!!!!! YESY YESYEYS YES!!!!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?!??!? THAT MEANS WE HAVE A CHANCE TO SEE ALL 3 TYGERS ON THE SAME STAGE!!!!!!!!!! ALKSDJLAKSDJLAKSJDLJK YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS OMGOMOGMOMGG THANK YOU SO MUCH i was thinking “they really like zhan yu hahhaa they picked zhan yu last time, maybe theyll pick him again”---- THANK GOODNESS AHHHHHH ok but im kinda disappointed they literally didnt show lin mo’s reaction... only jia yi’s.... which i feel like is bc they enjoy playing off of jia yi’s emotions more.... which makes me feel (again) like theyre using the other tyger members as backdrop for jia yi, rather than respecting their friendship and group as a whole? like theyre all really amazing friends and people, theyre not just “jia yi and his friends”, if you get what i mean... but jia yi being so so happy i love!!!!! im so so so happy for them ahhhh yessssss you go zhan yu, you are amazing!!!!!!!!! get that recognition!!!!!!!

omg zhuo yuan being so happy for his friends is honestly the cutest. im sad that he didnt make it... yao chi and mingming being so happy i love!!!!!! good for yechen! his voice is honestly really nice and very unique!

frick i cant believe they didnt notice ye ziming.... and su yuhang.... they deserved better......... cheche crying ahhhh li you and kou cong deserved better too... ahhh seeing guan yue crying more than cheche or mingming crying more than kou cong, or ye ziming comforting others... its like the kids who are left are so sad for them, the kids who were actually eliminated.. this friendship is ahhhhh

man, i was just getting to know and like yaoyao and cui shaopeng too...

this is so sad for zhuo yuan and jiahao tho, like all the kids around them, physically and also in the ranking, went up, but not them.... i wonder if jiahao had been given screentime during his last stage, he wouldve gotten more votes... but bc of the hair thing, he got cut out of the ep even tho he was center......

man, fangzhou is the last core one member left........

oh my goodness.......... that ending................. oh my goodness.................. why does this have to happen to huo zhong.................... oh goodness thats gonna be such a drastic change from huo zhong to the super cute song...... i hate to say it, but i feel like none of them would want to go there LOL ahhhhh how will guan yue choose???? laskdjlaskjlk ok im hopeful that he at least wont choose zhan yu (because hes not cute LOL) but i really really hope lin mo can stay too oh gosh.......... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh guan yue....... (i know ding feijun is also there but im guessing guan yue is gonna be the main decision maker) but if hes smart he wont choose kids who will have trouble learning a whole new dance, which means.... he is likely to take more skilled trainees....... UGH IM SO WORRIED. but tbh i guess.... even if lin mo goes from super cool handsome center to a super cutesy backup dancer.... i guess... he’ll get to challenge himself and try a new style.......... which i guess... isnt terrible........ he’ll be cute, im sure.... so as long as he can still make it into top 20, i wont be terribly distraught. honestly i feel like im being rather reasonable as a lin mo stan, like I’m not asking for him to get as much screentime as like wenhan, just at least enough so that we can tell that he exists and was there (COUGHepisode7COUGH), and I’m not asking that he be center every time or that he get into top 9, i just want him to get recognition, respect, and into at least top 20. I think he can do it!!! hes working so so hard, despite being injured, and hes helping so many other kids..... i just wish his work can be acknowledged.

oof now thats its down to 2 votes a day... its time we see who people’s real biases are... im guessing theres gonna be some drastic changes in the rankings from here, bc the kids who are just well-liked by everyone but not actually “biased” will be dropped like crazy. i know who im gonna vote for, but im sad it means i wont be able to vote for some kids who i know will really need votes too..... but i believe you can kinda tell which kids are “bias” material and which are more just generally well-liked. that’s all im gonna say about it, but for everyone who’s voting, just choose wisely bc some kids will need your votes more than others, just saying....

lol guan yue’s psa to eat more fruit..... okay guan yue, okay hahahahhaha

wow i cant believe chen you and li you both got clips in the ending credits and also ye ziming even got 2 clips......... i swear they only started giving ye ziming screentime after it was too late??!!!? like they finally realized hes super funny and talented and #amazing and felt bad but ITS TOO LATE IQIYI laksjdlaklklk ill say it again ye ziming deserved better. on his weibo he says he’ll be coming out with new stuff soon tho!!! so im super excited and will def be keeping a lookout bc im sure itll be legit c:

#rants #WELL thats over with #still annoyed at how quickly they sped thru everyone but top 10... lol iqiyi can you pls try to hide your bias for once???#qcyn spoilers

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quackspot · 5 years

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imagine someone just going 1-200 and you have to answer 200 questions for a stranger

well u better strap up becuase im about to do it

200: My crush’s name is: i dunno who do u think my crush’s name is199: I was born in: a year which is 2004198: I am really: a homo sapien197: My cellphone company is: i think its samsung196: My eye color is: brown195: My shoe size is: 9 or 9.5 i think just 9194: My ring size is: WAIT RINGS HAD SIZES????? i dunno193: My height is: 5′4 ISH but i just say 5′4 because im actually really sensitive about my height and the less than an inch that brings me to 5′4 makes me somewhat happier with myself192: I am allergic to: maybe dustmites 191: My 1st car was: not yet190: My 1st job was: NOT YET189: Last book you read: technically a book called Dad Jokes theyre really funny jokes but if you mean story with plot then probably Grand & Humble unless if you include everything then yesterday i peeked in some books188: My bed is: a bed which i sleep in and that’s pretty much it actually i havent really made my bed in a while 187: My pet: jax and nibsy r the family pets jax is a shih-poo shihtzu poodle mix and nibsy is a cat186: My best friend: my brother185: My favorite shampoo is: shampoo184: Xbox or ps3: hard choice there’s xbox overall and little big planet this is actually a very hard choice lksiiro3jedsklmf,gsda little big planet is great........................183: Piggy banks are: piggy banks. theyre great182: In my pockets: I DONT HAVE POCKETS IM A WOMAN181: On my calendar: whats a calendar lol!!!!180: Marriage is: marriage 179: Spongebob can: dodod od odo dodooo178: My mom: IS GREAT i lov her shes a good mom177: The last three songs I bought were? i dont buy songs i listen to them176: Last YouTube video watched: i mean im listening to boyfriend big time rush on youtube right now but if you mean actual watching its snufkin saying “hi moomin” to moomin a quick 6 second clip175: How many cousins do you have? i duno174: Do you have any siblings? yeah173: Are your parents divorced? yeah172: Are you taller than your mom? probably not :(171: Do you play an instrument? i play the trumpet i did it today and it was really boring i dont want to go to any more graduations not even my own170: What did you do yesterday? things[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: not really but somewhat and i like it because its a fun little thing to put in fiction 168: Luck: yea im very lucky167: Fate: its my destiny to die someday . . .. . in the futuuuuuuuuuuure

166: Yourself: as far as im aware no165: Aliens: yeah probably164: Heaven: i know it probably isnt real but i cant help believing163: Hell:i know it probably isnt real but i cant help believing162: God: only to blame them for stuff161: Horoscopes: yea theyre fun to read160: Soul mates: ehehehehehhe fun in fanfiction and would greatly b ok with it irl159: Ghosts: who else would hold my hand at night...... not even a ghost :) (but yea i do believe in them when i grow up i wana be a ghost)158: Gay Marriage: why wouldnt i believe in gay marriage 157: War: what is it good for156: Orbs: borb155: Magic: i like magic so i will believe in it [ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: yes153: Drunk or High: probably high i guess152: Phone or Online: ONLINE151: Red heads or Black haired: black haired 150: Blondes or Brunettes: BRUNETTES dude blondes r ok but i personally like darker hair149: Hot or cold: hot148: Summer or winter: SUMMER I HATE WINTER SO FUCKIGNT OASJKU*($@IRWJKOSDIUOKLJEZUDIFLK:LDSK:LKF:LJIODSKZVDJFKL mostly becuase i hate being cold and i hate snow becuase i have to shovel snow and its so cold147: Autumn or Spring: either one 146: Chocolate or vanilla: choc o late145: Night or Day: night144: Oranges or Apples: apples143: Curly or Straight hair: curly but i guess straight is ok142: McDonalds or Burger King: burbger king good milkshakese141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: idk uhh milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: pc139: Flip flops or high heals: neither......138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: ugly and rich i can just buy surgeries to make me prettier lmao137: Coke or Pepsi: coke136: Hillary or Obama: i dont wanna answer this :(((((( i dont like being bullied135: Burried or cremated: cremated babye put me in the flames ;3c134: Singing or Dancing: i like singing i like dancing i like trains 133: Coach or Chanel: what132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who are these people131: Small town or Big city: im just a mere small town babye ;3c big cities sound scary 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target has the good cheeseballs129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: i only know adam sandler128: Manicure or Pedicure: i dont do my nails 127: East Coast or West Coast: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh both are coasts126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday i get more gifts then uwu125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: disney because idk what six flags is isnt it a restaurant or something123: Yankees or Red Sox: a baseball bat [ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: what is it good for!121: George Bush: idk 120: Gay Marriage: yeah gay rights119: The presidential election: im not that into politics so i dont understand the elections and i dont think their fair since i get all my facts from adam ruins everything this isnt even a joke118: Abortion: pro choice i dont giv a crap about some lifeless baby. its only alive if it can properly move its arms or cry or feel.117: MySpace: haha dead116: Reality TV: idk 115: Parents: theyre parents 114: Back stabbers: ow my back113: Ebay: website.... money112: Facebook: lizard man111: Work: what110: My Neighbors: idk who they are but my old neighbor was one of my best friends i should talk to him this summer109: Gas Prices: probably too high108: Designer Clothes: clothes107: College: something i dont plan on going to any time soon106: Sports: something i dont plan on doing any time soon105: My family: a family104: The future: spooky. very scary. idk what my job will be[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: idk (update it was today)102: Last time you ate: 4:13 ish i made ramne101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: i duno100: Cried in front of someone: today i suppose i almost cried???? maybe my dentist appointment a few weeks ago??99: Went to a movie theater: lego movie 2 i think98: Took a vacation: 6th grade im in 9th grade now its been like 3 years97: Swam in a pool: over 1 year i dont go to the pool anymore96: Changed a diaper: NEVER AND I NEVER PLAN ON IT95: Got my nails done: i duno94: Went to a wedding: i also dunno its been too long93: Broke a bone: not that i can recal92: Got a peircing: never and never will91: Broke the law: i duno90: Texted: just now i told my mommy to pick me up it wasl ike 1 hour ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: me88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my momy and nibsy and jax and probably zach but he’d already move out by the time i leave87: The last movie I saw: i dont remember probably lego movie 2 or osmething on tv86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: next year drama club85: The thing im not looking forward to: dying?????? idk man 84: People call me: moto moto (not really idk what they call me)83: The most difficult thing to do is: the most difficult thing82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never though i probs will someday81: My zodiac sign is: aquarius sun leo moon aries rising80: The first person i talked to today was: probably kiley79: First time you had a crush: kindergarten i think78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: myself77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: idk76: Right now I am talking to: nobody 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: *has a crisis over my future plans as i do not know*74: I have/will get a job: im gona work at target or burger king next year maybe it depends on if they like me73: Tomorrow: 5/20..............72: Today: today71: Next Summer: in a theater near u70: Next Weekend: my first summer weekend 69: I have these pets: I ALREAD YSAID WHAT PETS I HAVE I LOVE NIBSY WITH ALL MY HEART and jax with some extra parts of my heart68: The worst sound in the world: a sound67: The person that makes me cry the most is: me66: People that make you happy: me65: Last time I cried: ealier today64: My friends are: online63: My computer is: on62: My School: is a school61: My Car: nonexistent 60: I lose all respect for people who: are really mean and seem to hate people for being happy. people who make jokes that make me uncomfortable. i generally avoid them.59: The movie I cried at was: all of them58: Your hair color is: brown57: TV shows you watch: idk56: Favorite web site: idk probs youtube55: Your dream vacation: nowhere 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: A FEW WEEKS AGO I GOT STITCHES IN MY MOUTH AND IT REALLY HURT UGHGTUERIJOKFLDc53: How do you like your steak cooked: edible52: My room is: a room51: My favorite celebrity is: myslef..... just kidding idk any celebs 50: Where would you like to be: where i am 49: Do you want children: no 48: Ever been in love: hoo ha hoo ha i duno how love feels exactly47: Who’s your best friend: MY BROTHER46: More guy friends or girl friends: guys i think 99% of my friends are my brothers friends so45: One thing that makes you feel great is: being happy44: One person that you wish you could see right now: nobody right now but sometimes kiley43: Do you have a 5 year plan: 5 years??? haha no i only plan on using savings accounts to make a bit more money and MAYBE moving to kiley but idk for sure since i like my parents and my brother and my parents plan on driving around in an rv but idk man moving to another state would be HARD and im kinda lazy and i’d have to get a whole new driver’s license 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no41: Have you pre-named your children: lmao all my ideas are jokes40: Last person I got mad at: probably myslef39: I would like to move to: my bed???????38: I wish I was a professional: personer. talker. socialer. [ My Favorites ]37: Candy: probably snickers or a salted nut roll36: Vehicle: big car. tahoe shape. tahoe size. idk. something like a tahoe thats my only reference35: President: I Don’t Care34: State visited: probably florida its the only one of 3 states i’ve been to33: Cellphone provider: what32: Athlete: WHAT31: Actor: idk 30: Actress: idk29: Singer: not me? me? idk28: Band: taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally hall??? ? ?? ? ?? ? ? ? I DONT KNOWIJ DSKJZLFKSJKLDSHDLfjklskl;fdkl;sfk;laf 27: Clothing store: i legit have like no faves god this is the hardest part26: Grocery store: target probably25: TV show: maybe the simpsons???24: Movie: idk ive seen a lot of movies23: Website: one of them22: Animal: one of them21: Theme park: universal studios20: Holiday: none of them theyre all ok but ??? meh19: Sport to watch: none.18: Sport to play: idk i dont like being competitive but??????? gym class is a fun sport! :)17: Magazine: none of them16: Book: one of them15: Day of the week: wednesday sounds like a good day. maybe sundays. 14: Beach: what13: Concert attended: frankly the only concerts i’ve been to are my own12: Thing to cook: probably ramen11: Food: cheeseballs??????? burger king milkshake, a drink?10: Restaurant: buuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrger kiiiiiiiiiiing?9: Radio station: 101.9 kelo eff emmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm8: Yankee candle scent: what7: Perfume: what6: Flower: what5: Color: red or purple4: Talk show host: wha

3: Comedian: i duno2: Dog breed: one of them1: Did you answer all these truthfully? yeah i tried but i kinda gave up slightly after i came back from a graduation party though i also kind of gave up from the start so

#ohrat

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ko2vo · 7 years

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THIS BLOG IS THREE YEARS OLD TODAY HOLY SHIT (edit: i started this post months ago and forgot about it, this blog was 3 years old on Sept. 7 pffffff-)

Anyway, its been a long time since i last did this, here are a bunch of OCs of mine and, below the read more, is some context for each of them. Probably gonna get long and rambly ‘cause i love them all. You dont have to read about them but please read about them i love them.

Guess the first thing to know is that these aren’t my only OCs. These are kinda the ones that I’ve had around the longest and kept coming back to. Plus, I have some for specific projects that I don’t really elaborate on cuz they exist in a game/writing/something self contained and to say anything would be to say too much, I guess?

Yeah. Overall, I guess these guys are either so developed or underdeveloped that it wouldn’t be spoiling for me to say things about their personalities/relationships! And some of the stories have changed so drastically over the years, I don’t even know what kinda canon will be canon when i get around to making it.

SO they’re categorized by their different worlds/purposes. ALSO if you want to see more pictures of a particular OC, I made their name clickable and it will bring up their tag (some.... won’t have a lot of drawings tho criesss).

CANDY HERO has been my dream comic project since I was 14 oh man. It’s a superhero story, about homeless kids that have to save the world. The reason for saving the world has changed a lot, from alien invasion to robot uprising to super virus subtly ruining everything. But the plan has always been like a grungy futuristic city setting and long term ideas where each chapter would be a self contained episode.

Soda is one of the main characters and the only person that has superpowers. However, his super powers are candy-based and wicked unstable. He could intend to create crystal rock candy to make a barrier of some kind but accidentally whip up a cotton candy tornado. His superhero origin story has changed a lot, but I usually stick to the idea that he swallowed some nuclear experimental bubblegum and it unexpectedly manifested inside him in a way that gave him these capabilities.

Why would he eat questionable chewing gum?? Well, he’s pretty young when he does so most likely he didn’t realize gum wasn’t for eating at that point. He’s also homeless and isn’t picky about what he eats. He probably ends up on the street when he’s around 7 or 8 and his story takes place when he’s 14 or 15. So, somewhere between there is when he acquires his powers.

His personality is basically relentless positivity and optimism. Always looks on the bright side and can be counted on as a morale booster. Super loyal and supportive of his friends. Believes in ideals and hopes to make the world a better place, believes the world can be changed for the better. It’s very difficult to upset him. However, his outlook often jars when he has to deal with an emotionally sensitive situation. His general response is “everything will be okay and I believe in you and support you” and, for a lot of people, it doesn’t work like that and it just makes them more upset, especially living among the homeless. Even though he can relate to suffering, his way of dealing things has always been to repress or move on since it couldn’t be helped and that’s usually what he subconsciously advocates.Depending on the person, it can be reassuring or it can feel like a rehearsed script.

All in all, he has a lot of issues he’s left unresolved and ignores in favour of smiling and focusing on the positive and he doesn’t really understand why people will fixate on the negative. So he’s not really good at handling any kinda negative emotions. ALSO his trusting nature makes him a victim in gullibility too. Even with someone that’s been a complete dick to him twenty times over, he’ll always give the benefit of a doubt and allow them second, third, fourth chances.

SOME EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT SODA - His real name is Felix but he’s only ever gone by Soda. Rafter was the one that gave him the nickname cuz he’s bubbly and too sweet. - When he’s actually sad and can’t force himself to be happy, he isolates himself. - He’s always wanted to be a super hero! His earliest memory is running around with goggles on and a blanket tied around his shoulders like a cape, playing pretend. - He has an evil doppelganger named Seltzer; they look exactly alike, except Seltzer’s eyes are orange instead of blue. - He smells like a carnival’s trash can.

Rafter is Soda’s best friend. Both of them have been on the street for a similar amount of time, but Rafter’s circumstances for getting there are a lot more harsh. Soda ends up there almost by choice, but Rafter is forced onto the streets. He’s really mature as a result and pretty cautious. Generally, he prefers to be a lone wolf but Soda persisted in helping him cuz they were both kids and logically he understood that it was safer to have someone around. Most of the time, he appreciates Soda for his overabundant friendliness but it also makes him super nervous because jeezuz Soda, don’t talk to that shady dude behind the dumpster what if he harvests your kidneys or something plz exercise some self preservation.

Rafter is relatively quiet, thoughtful, and skeptical. He doesn’t trust people very easily and he tends to keep his circle of friends small. But when he does trust someone, he’s very dependable. Even though he doesn’t have superpowers, he’s got a keen eye for details and analysis. If he were older, he’d probably be a detective. More defensive than offensive, and a strategist.

He ends up in contention with Soda sometimes, because of Soda’s instinct to jump into things indiscriminately (where Rafter likes to plan and evaluate) and also because of his inability to deal with emotions. Rafter is pretty stable emotionally, but when he does feel upset he goes to Noyal or TOI for support rather than Soda. Rafter needs to work through his feelings with someone else and understand why he reacts the way he did in order to feel better.

Overall, Rafter is very level headed. He thinks realistically and practically. But his caution borders on paranoia sometimes and prevents him from making many meaningful connections for fear of being hurt. And, when in contrast with Soda’s positive outlooks, he worries that he comes off as less realistic and more negative and jaded by comparison. It’s a thought that eats away at him sometimes.

SOME EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT RAFTER - He plays piano and its the best way for him to relax. - Rafter isn’t his real name but no one knows it. - His dream career is to be a psychologist and help kids like him when he gets older, in order to help them avoid being homeless. - Dogs make him nervous. Especially big dogs. - Even though he lives on the street, he’s very careful to stay as clean and hygienic as he can. Can’t stand feeling grimy or dirty.

TOI is an illegal android. She was a young boy as a human who was dying and her father was a scientist that transferred her consciousness to a robot. There is a law that states that any person under the age of consent cannot have their consciousness transferred because androids are not subject to the same laws as humans. It is completely legal for an adult to choose to become an android but there are really fucked up, blurred moral lines with the production of androids. Even if they have a living consciousness and not an AI installed, the only real law they’re required to follow is to be registered and have an owner.

Short of that, anything that happens to androids is damage against the owner, not the android. Because android parts are replaceable and, even if a consciousness is human or a highly developed AI, they are subject to selective memory wipes and can be transferred to other vessels. So androids are kind of resented by some people, able to forget their traumas with the push of a button and recover from damage that would be irreparable for something organic. There have been a lot of attempts at acquiring self ownership and more protection for robots in general, but overall it comes down to “if you can choose to forget, why are you remembering.” It’s a system that kind of works, but only for robots that have owners and owners who care about their well being (which logically they should, because an android costs about as much as a new car would and, if they are spending that much and the consciousness is someone they know, the assumption is that it’s an act of love).

ANYWAYS I could ramble about the messed up robot-human relations of this world all day, but essentially TOI is illegal for many reasons. For one, she was about nine when her consciousness was extracted. Though her mind does continue to age, it’s still morally grey because the public assumption is that all robots are considered consenting adults, even when they have a body that appears younger. It’s a means of avoiding fucked up shit that developers know would happen anyways by at least making it fucked up shit that only happens to adults??? If that makes sense??? im avoiding specific words, cuz its too dark for how PG i want the story to be and its not something i would really explore in canon, its just something i think about when considering TOI’s choices.

She’s also very illegal because, when she turned 15 her father died and her father was her ‘technical’ owner. She wasn’t registered but she had some protection with him around as his ‘scientific property’ but with him gone, no one faces any consequences for damaging her. It leaves her in a very vulnerable position should anyone find out she’s an android and unregistered. And she can’t advocate for robot rights because without an owner, she can just get wiped and no one could do anything about it.

Personality wise, TOI is very snarky. She likes to sass and tease and outsmart people. In canon, she’s about 32 years old, so she also takes a sadistic pleasure in making adults think they’ve been outwitted by a child. She is highly intelligent but operates under the radar because of her situation, usually relying on her human connections (Noyal) in order to save money or sign important documents.

In Candy Hero, she currently isn’t planned to appear for a handful of chapters. Soda and Rafter have a few adventures themselves, then they meet her when she is visiting Noyal. She trusts them as Noyal’s friends and sticks around, their antics amusing her. Plus, since they all look around the same age, TOI feels more secure moving around in public with them.

SOME EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT TOI - TOI doesn’t need to eat or sleep as a robot, but she does need to recharge every other week depending on her exertion, and she needs regular maintenance. - She was a trans girl even before her consciousness was put into her robot body but socially closeted, except to her father and Noyal. - She loves cats and her favourite clothing items are cat themed. - Whenever she’s able to, she attends art galleries and musical events. - SHES GONE THROUGH THE MOST DESIGN CHANGES like, she used to be a super sexualized animu lady with big boobs and no pants (i want to fight 15 yr old me when i think about it honestly) then she was skinny dude with a gas mask and hood, then lost the mask but became purely a program, then a virus trapped inside a phone Soda had, and now she’s where she is and I’m happiest with her newest design

Noyal is a quiet guy that lives on a boat. He doesn’t say much but he’s empathetic toward Soda and Rafter as street kids. I haven’t really thought about how they meet but my guess is that Soda and Rafter are jumping around different places for food and shelter during the winter and Noyal notices them since he jumps around to the different places for his work. He doesn’t approach them though, it’s Soda that approaches him offering to help him with something (much to Rafter’s horror cuz holy shit Noyal is scary looking) and they all eventually begin to talk. Well, Noyal mostly listens but he talks more with them than he does almost anyone else (TOI being the exception).

Eventually, he offers them a place to stay for the worst nights. They can’t stay with him all the time cuz his boat’s pretty cramped as it is and Noyal likes his solitude. He can’t handle the idea of being a father figure to Soda and Rafter so he makes sure they understand that he views them as friends, not as children he needs to be responsible for. Even though Rafter was nervous about him at first, it turns out that he and Noyal have very compatible personalities and the equal ground he offers in defining that “I’m not an authority over you just because I’ve lived longer” ironically makes Rafter really look up to and respect him.

I’ve not really thought out Noyal’s history to the same extent I’ve thought out TOI’s. He’s always been quiet, somewhat mysterious, but willing to help a friend in need. I imagine he’s been helped through a lot of things when he was young and that’s what makes him willing to extend altruism and sanctuary when he encounters someone that needs help. However, unlike Soda, he doesn’t go out of his way or beyond what he’s comfortable with. If he wants to help and is capable of doing so, he will.

SOME EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT NOYAL - He owns a dog; an elderly and blind Schnauzer affectionately called Old Russ, who sleeps on his bed with him. - I’ve always imagined him with a Newfoundlander accent. - He’s actually a year younger than TOI and she’ll never let him forget it. - He has a twin sister that he doesn’t like to talk about; she sends him a care package every few months. - He works at a million different jobs. One of the running gags I’ve established in my writing is that he’s just everywhere; Soda and Rafter go to a circus, he’s running the ticket booth; they go to a theatre, he’s a janitor; they head to the mall, he’s working security. HE IS A BUSY MAN. - Covered in scars not because he gets into fights but because he loves animals, regularly works at places with big animals, and would willingly get mangled by a bear if it meant he was able to help it.

PURE FLUFF isn’t the name of anything but I just have no other designation for these two OCs (I used to call their story Day by Day but I’ve abandoned that name). I made them with the intent of doing a really fluffy gay webcomic and I still want to! But it probably won’t be a linear storyline like i originally intended, more like random snippets of their time together. I also specifically wanted to focus not on falling in love, but staying in love. Like, usually the plot and conflict of romance ends with people becoming a couple. Yet, there are so many fun and ridiculous issues that pop up while being a couple??? LIKE COME ON??

Also, it’s a super pure and wholesome story overall so the issues aren’t anything really terrible (at least, between Evan and Love). Usually its like “i dont care how in the zone you are, you havent slept in over 72 hours and im forcing you to sleep” and “dude i know you wouldn’t cheat on me but your hot tutor is making me wicked jealous and possessive and i need attention plz” and “oh nooooo looks like they accidentally put pineapple on both sides of the pizza, guess you’re gonna have to eat pineapple too.” Y’know. Small issues.

Evan is the epitome of lethargy. He’s tired 24/7 and monotone in his speech patterns. Emotions are difficult for him. He experiences them but numbly and has trouble dealing with other’s displays of emotions, particularly in the extreme. He doesn’t really understand people with strong passions or hatreds but he tries to be supportive in his own way. And he really does try but when people don’t know him, they assume his muted reactions are out of disinterest. He can’t force himself to react the way people want so he struggles in a lot of social situations. A lot of the time, he ends up overwhelmed and exhausted if he spends too much time with a crowd.

He doesn’t have the best relationship with his parents and moved out the moment he turned 18 but he has younger siblings that love and adore him so he tries to keep in touch with them at least. Evan is in post secondary and is majoring in computer science and programming. Again, not exactly because it’s his passion but he understands it and it’s an independent activity that he can work on. He also is minoring in ancient history because he enjoys the mythology and guesswork of studying ancient civilizations.

SOME EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT EVAN - He is probably trans. Honestly, for a lot of my characters, I tend to keep things flexible unless it’s important to their story or I’m being self indulgent so most of them are like ‘maby they are maby they aren’t it doesnt matter’ if i dont say anything. I mention it for Evan cuz its been something I’ve considered as the reason his relationships with his parents being tense. - He is about 23-24, which is two years older than Love. They met in high school because Evan had to take a lower level art class to complete his diploma. Often, people think he is younger than Love because of his baby face and being so much shorter. The assumption tends to annoy him. - Evan is colourblind! Protanopia, or red-green colourblindness. - He has a history of self harm that only Love knows about and he’s since found healthier coping mechanisms. - His favourite thing is spending a lazy afternoon at home, reading a book while Love draws beside him

Love is an artist and an asshole. He likes to tease and press buttons, but generally doesn’t overstep boundaries (and feels terrible when he accidentally does). He is a positive person, looks on the bright side but he has a lot of feelings and not all of them are happy. He’s sensitive, gets disheartened at the slightest off tone. Conversely, he’s extremely easy to please too, the slightest praise sending him buzzing. His mood jumps around a lot depending on where he is, but Evan tends to keep him balanced because he understands and appreciates Evan’s tranquillity.

As an artist, Love focuses on painting and sketching. He loves to use a lot of colour and tends to lean toward impressionism and abstraction in his work. He likes deep thinking but he tends to lean toward making work that’s pretty and aesthetically pleasing to look at (which he gets shit for as an art student). However, a lot of the worst of his habits are associated with painting. He’ll go for days without sleep and eating if he’s in a good painting mood, usually much to Evan’s concern. In high school before dating Evan, he experimented with some hallucinogenics for the sake of artistic venture. He also used to smoke somewhat heavily. Evan helped him ease away from those habits, just as he helped Evan ease away from his.

Also, Love is absolutely enamoured with Evan. Evan loves him back of course, he wouldn’t be with him if he didn’t feel anything, but Love is way more deeply attached. He hovers and will do his best to accommodate Evan, he worries about Evan and tends to talk about him as a common subject in conversation, and he’s happiest when spending his time with Evan. Evan is a lot more independent in the sense that he doesn’t fixate on Love like Love does him, but Love is still the most important person in his life. Love doesn’t really try to tone down his affection either, he’d probably yell in a public space “GOD MY BOYFRIEND IS WONDERFUL??? IM SO LUCKY???” and get kicked out. But it’d so be worth it. He loves making Evan embarrassed.

SOME EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT LOVE - His name, Love Jaakola, is pronounced Low-vay Yak-oh-law. His father was Swedish and his mother is Chinese (she’s the only one he’s still in contact with). He is an only child. - His hair is naturally dark brown but he regularly dyes it blonde. The ‘streak’ in his hair is actually dried acrylic paint from pushing his hair out his face, the only way he’s able to get rid of it is to cut it off (but it comes back cuz he’s in the habit of running his paint coated hand through his hair at this point). - Love is Evan’s first date person, but Love has dated about 4 people before Evan. Two were girls, one was a boy, and one was nonbinary. However, most of those relationships only lasted a few months, he has been with Evan for about 4-5 years (they’ve known each other about 6-7 yrs). - Ironically, he’s a bit of a technophobe. Evan keeps telling him he should post his artwork online or that he should network with people more to expand his art career, but Love’s like ‘maby.... one day... not today.......’ - His favourite thing is to draw/paint on Evan’s skin. Nothing really planned or meant to impress, just lazing around in their underwear and doodling thoughtlessly.

BAD SEEDS oh god. this is... my sin comic. Sort of. Last year around this time, I was fucking ITCHING to make a webcomic. It’s been something I’ve wanted to do for a long time and like, in the time frame of Aug-Nov, my urge to make gore art goes through the roof (like, most people dont get how gross i am cuz i only draw it around this time, i tend to quietly absorb other’s gore during the rest of the year). So the plans for this comic came around. Psychological horror, gore, plants and flowers, bones, I threw a lot of self indulgent shit into this comic.

Bad Seeds is about two terrible high school kids that cause one another to do awful things by encouraging each other’s violent impulses (i say “kids”, they’re both 17 and would experience their 18th birthdays in canon, i literally just wanted a high school setting cuz bullies weeeeps). I did a lot of sketched out comics in my small travel sketchbook of really climactic, messed up scenes, then I tried to do an actual story line so I could do a comic. I made the first 14 ish pages and they’re still floating around but.... wow i hate the beginning. And need to rewrite it. Cuz I still like a lot of the scenes I made for the middle of the story and the messed up dynamics please me but, unfortunately, the main characters need to meet somehow.

Daniel is a nervous, paranoid boy. He’s very jumpy and always feels like he’s going to be yelled at for doing something wrong. He feels like an outcast and kind of makes himself out to be one by thinking that way. Doesn’t go out of his way to make friends, isn’t interested by sports or clubs, and his grades in school are average or below average. However, people that do know him would say he was polite, quiet, and accommodating. Even though he looks awkward, they’d insist he was just shy and warms up to you.

In reality, he behaves that way because he’s almost been conditioned and guilted into being selfless by his dad (his only family). He takes up extra shifts at work if someone asks him, he’ll lend someone he doesn’t know money if they ask, and he will help with cleaning/organizing after school if he’s asked. He doesn’t volunteer and generally doesn’t want to do a lot of things he agrees to but he just can’t say no unless it clashes with other things he’s agreed to do (usually, his job).

Other than that though, a lot of his internalized guilt stems from his fascination with the morbid and a fear of people finding out. In my old draft of Bad Seeds, he became fascinated after being exposed to guro on the internet, but I want the time setting to be late 90s-early 2000s, so I’m compiling a lot of texts and paintings that would feed that interest and be more time appropriate. I’m also trying to figure out if that would make him more interested in art history and specific classical literature but honestly, I don’t think it would; he’d probably fixate only on the most gruesome things and skim over all else haaah.

SOME EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT DANIEL - He is a masochist. Whenever he gets injured, it tends to take three times as long to heal as it should because he picks and scratches and makes things worse. He also self harms on his upper arms for this reason, to watch it bleed and heal (though, I’m certain a warped idea of atonement for his guilt also plays into the action). - Before meeting Poet, he’d been watching him from a far for two years. Not exactly stalking, he doesn’t go out of his way, but they’re in the same small town school; he stares at him from across the cafeteria at lunch and glances at him when they have classes together and listens extra hard when he hears people talk about Poet. - He works at a small cafe that doesn’t get a lot of traffic. - He sleepwalks and has really vivid dreams. Sometimes he self-induces insomnia to avoid them but that tends to have bad side effects. - He really enjoys his hair being played with/petted/pulled.

Poet is seemingly perfect. He’s one of the top students, with exceptional grades in all of his classes. He’s the president of the student council and he’s well liked by most of the student body because he’s humble and, though hard working and busy, he tries to treat everyone kindly and make good impressions. The only thing he could be considered average in is sports, but he stays active by gardening and hiking. He takes to positions of leadership well, he’s good at improvising, and speaks eloquently. All of his hard work is contributing to his career goal of becoming a medical doctor or surgeon.

However, he has the same morbid fascinations as Daniel. Though, while Daniel is exposed to creative sources like fiction and paintings depicting violence or gore, Poet is more grounded in reality. He uses medical textbooks and pays a lot of attention to real life surgery photos. There was a point where, with the mental excuse that he would need to be comfortable with the grotesque, that he would look for dead things in order to do mock autopsies. He’s killed animals before but always with his version of a justification; to end something’s suffering or in self defence. He rarely kills animals because of this need for a proper explanation. In the old draft of Bad Seeds, his and Daniel’s meeting is him trying to explain that he killed a wild dog that had backed him into an alley and struggling to come up with a reason for why Daniel found him elbow deep in its guts.

HE’S SUCH A BAD DUDE HONESTLY i hate him. Especially with Daniel, after they acknowledge one another’s fucked up impulses, Poet becomes really attached to Daniel but in a messed up abusive and jealous way. He begins to manipulate and gaslight Daniel, whose already isolated, to become even more isolated and only trust Poet and lets himself get talked into a lot by Poet. Well, they talk each other into things. Poet, at the beginning of their relationship, is still extremely preoccupied with appearances and knows what they’re doing is wrong as tempting as it is to have a willing participant and gives Daniel a lot of chances to say no to things. But the more Daniel says yes, the more of a power trip Poet goes on and god, they just make each other so much worse over time and it’s awful and unhealthy and i hate that I’m absolutely into this kinda psychological shit (ONLY FICTIONALLY THO i hate that i need to specify that; if this happened in real life, id fucking call the cops in a heartbeat).

But yea, if he and Daniel never met, they’d both be way better off in the long run honestly haha.

SOME EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT POET - Probably goes without saying, but he is a sadist. Like, he likes to think he is clinically scientific about everything he does, but when he gets the chance to act out fantasies with Daniel, he starts paying a lot of attention to expression and reaction when he does things. - I mentioned he enjoys gardening but he really likes gardening! He does all the gardening and maintenance of his parent’s home during the warm months, and keeps a lot of plants inside too. - I usually draw him with black hair, but at some point he dies his hair silver/white. - He has a fluffy medium sized dog named Styx, not sure about the breed. Probably a mutt but lots of collie. - Poet existed before Bad Seeds, as a character in Love and Evan’s story! He was still kind of awful but more harmless. He wound up having a crush on Evan while tutoring him in English, but Evan wasn’t interested and also is dating Love. Love had a small crush on Poet cuz he’s lowkey poly and super into intellect/glasses/charisma, which he talked over with Evan. Evan accepts it as part of him but personally wouldn’t be comfortable dating him if he were dating others, so Love compromises because hot damn he loves Evan. ANYWAYS Poet is still awful because, even after Evan says no, he pines and obsesses and tries to monopolize his time as a “””friend”””” (thankfully tho, Evan is not susceptible to his bullshit - which sadly makes Poet like him that much more criesssss)

Ray is a bit of an enigma. He’s technically in his senior year with both Daniel and Poet, but he’s actually two years older and is only back at the school to complete his high school diploma. But no one really remembers him as attending their school? Despite this though, he settles into the school atmosphere well. Even though he’s 19, he’s generally mistaken for younger. He has classes he does well in and classes he skips, but his passion is for music. He’s a skilled, adaptable guitarist who gets called into a few bars and clubs when a band is short and was practically adopted by the school band the moment they found out his skill level. Thing is, he’s also very lazy and wants to avoid things that feel like work, usually causing them to send the drummer to kidnap him in order to get him to attend practice.

He gives off an air of being laid back and aloof, but he’s rather observant. Ray is probably the closest thing to a friend that Daniel has, because Ray noticed he was a bit of a black sheep and decided to keep him company. At first, out of concern that he was being bullied, but after some time it was a little more personal because he realized that Daniel had a crush on another boy (since this story is set in a small town during late 90s early 2000s, repression and institutionalized homophobia are a concern but not really the focus). Personal because he is actually gay and trans and he becomes a little protective over Daniel, having figured this out. Though, his protectiveness doesn’t stop him from teasing Daniel (about having a crush, not about being gay of course).

Ray is also a little eccentric. He refuses to sit in seats properly, he wanders around the streets at like 3am and during rainstorms, and always packs a lunch but never eats it, usually giving it away to Daniel or some first year. He comes off pretty confident and he’s decent at improvising but overall he has no shame and no idea what he’s doing.

SOME EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT RAY - He has an ex who I haven’t developed but he’s also important, he’s a coworker of Daniel’s. Ray’s ex is actually a decent and understanding dude, but Ray broke up with him because he wanted to get rid of things that reminded him about being “Rachel” (his deadname). - He shares a basement apartment with like, five other lgbt people, but he doesn’t spend much time there and has a tendency to fall asleep where ever. - He’s an orphan. Dad died when he was young, and his mom was a police officer who died in the line of duty during the time he had disappeared. He has an older sister who’s moved a fair distance away. - Daniel thinks of him as a weird mom. Ray considers himself something of a big brother, since he can be a bit of an asshole. - Ray is driven by spite. His hair at the beginning of Bad Seeds is the fluffy mullet he has, influenced by other guitarists cuz he’s a nerd, but when he meets his ex again and his ex tells him his hair looks cute, he gets an undercut immediately after.

STAINED is a project I used to be passionate about but honestly, it’s kind of abandoned. It had something to do with tattoos and corrupt hierarchical systems and someone unknowingly supporting the status quo before learning how fucked up and inhumane it is and trying to change the way the world works. I think I was reading a lot of dystopian things that influenced my ideas. Some of the characters from this project will probably be redesigned and put somewhere else but this project itself is kinda dead to me.

ALSO, ITS GONNA BE JARRING HOW SHORT THINGS GET FROM HERE ON like, the rest of these characters are not as developed/ I don’t care about them enough anymore to try to adapt their personalities elsewhere criessss

Marz was what I considered one of the most complex characters at one point. Bare bones, he goes from being sheltered but curious to really vindictive and dark following his best friend/lover being martyred. At the moment though, he’s very much a blank slate and, even though he was the main character, a lot of the initiative and plot was driven by his lover. I... literally have very little to say about Marz anymore IM SORRY MARZ, I LOVED YOU ONCE MABY ILL LOVE YOU AGAIN.

Stone is a happy dude. He was in the same universe as Marz, working on the outskirts of the city palace town, dealing black market potions and magic in a shop he inherited from Iris (who is dead in that universe - probably another reason i don’t like Marz’s story anymore). In his current canon, he still works at a shop dealing in occult things, but alongside Iris. Prior to their meeting, Stone was a very proper, uptight man, overly concerned with etiquette and very polite. However, he was also really tired of denying what he enjoys (he is bisexual and more feminine than his posh family find acceptable). One day, he decides to explore the grimier parts of the city and ends up cornered in an alley cuz pretty boy doesn’t think ahead that walking around looking clean and expensive in a sketchy part of town will get him into trouble.

Thankfully though, he’s saved by Iris and, to repay her, he works at her shop. Stone is a quick learner and finds his niche in the dark arts that Iris teaches him. He’s happiest when he can sneak over and help and, eventually, stops going home. He and Iris are in a relationship but they’re not exactly monogamous; Iris loves him but also knows that he’s bi and has been sheltered his entire life. She wants him to be able to explore his interests and not feel restricted by his attachment to her, especially since she’s had so much more time to love and be loved. So essentially, an open relationship.

Stone is laboured with a lot of learned prejudice and a concept of tradition that Iris helps him identify, understand, and either overcome or work on in the means of becoming less toxic. He finds Iris fascinating and loves to learn from her, both about the occult and about himself (because most of the time, he feels like she knows him more than he does himself).

EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT STONE - After a few years of working with and knowing Iris, Stone accidentally blinds himself trying to make a difficult potion. This is the version of him I draw the most. Before the accident, his eye colour was hazel. - Eventually, he and Iris get married. - Following the accident, he’s immortal. Nowadays, I focus on him during his days with Iris, but in the past I focused on his life after her death as he becomes slightly deranged. She grows quite old and dies of natural causes and he tends to pretend that she didn’t, keeping her skeleton around and lovingly talking about his wife with his customers.

Iris is a very ambitious woman. She doesn’t have much of a history at this moment, but she runs her own business, fends for herself, and has developed some very powerful connections. People that know about her but don’t know her personally tend to call her a witch and a sorceress and sometimes she plays it up to scare kids away from the dangerous area that she’s located. She’s intelligent and very down to earth, growing an indoor garden with plenty of plants that have magical properties.

She can be brash and spontaneous sometimes though. She’s had some close calls with death by picking the wrong fights and mixing the wrong ingredients while experimenting. She mellows out a bit when she has Stone to focus on, but she can disappear for weeks on end with only a last minute notice for him to take care of the shop while she runs her errand. There are a couple of times that she lets him tag along but he’s really not in his element with fast action and near death stunts so he stops asking and just wishes for her safety.

MISC is OCs that I’ve always had but have never really settled into their own world. I honestly have tons like this oh man. But these three are ones that show up a lot.

Cinnamon and Chowder are two gay gals I started drawing way back. They’re both alien pop stars who came to earth and no one knows they’re actually aliens. Cinnamon is much shyer than Chowder, self conscious of her height and general... everything, but Chowder is super supportive and smitten and protective. Cinnamon is an alien from a planet where her entire species “identifies” as male; its a toxic, hyper masculine planet and, when she met Chowder, her entire world kind of expanded and she decided to escape with her somewhere that they wouldn’t be found. They found earth and made their place in the fashion and music industry.

I drew a comic for class once, where Cinnamon tells Chowder that she feels ugly, but like, she knows she doesn’t look ugly, but she feels the anxiety like an itch and can’t get over it. And Chowder’s like “Oh! Like a Kiwi right? See, they’re all fuzzy and brown and probably feel ugly? But look at how nice and bright and lovely they are inside!” and then they eat a kiwi together PFFF yea that’s the extent of how much development I’ve put into them.

Liko is my baby. He is a chinchilla hybrid human and was created purely for self indulgent things. His personality for the most part is mischievous and absolutely hates clothing. For how much I draw him, he is embarrassingly underdeveloped as a character. I began to think of him as a splicing experiment that escapes from a lab somewhere but not super deeply... Honestly, his purpose is art trades, requests, and commissions. He’s the only oc I usually ask for art of because I like his design haaah

AND YEA THOSE ARE MY BELOVED OCS i honestly love you if you read through all this or even a little, please talk to me about your own ocs !!! I’m more than happy to do OC art trades and bounce world talks anytime !!

#korvo draws #oc #EVERYONE #i... wrote so much omfg you dont have to read if you dont want BUT ID APPRECIATE IT criesss #skip Bad Seeds if you arent about gore and psychological horror but maaan #i forgot how much i loved my ocs #PLEASE TALK TO ME ABOUT MY OCS and about your own ocs because fuck #i love ocs and i dont have any friends that consistently do oc shit aaaaaaaaaa

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undeademoprincess · 7 years

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82 Truths

rules: once you’ve been tagged you’re supposed to write a post with eighty-two truths and then tag twenty-five people.

tagged by @hoseokjinns bruh this has been sitting in my drafts for how many eons????

name: Dawn blood type: b nickname(s): Celeste (cousins mainly) and then anything else is adding an e or i sound to the end of my name (tho i have noticed dawners is a frequent name) r/s: dead inside zodiac sign: libruh pronouns: she\her favorite tv shows: dude, i havent seen any tv shows since i was 8, that was well over a decade ago. i collect the dvd/blurays of tv shows but not often. my mother and i are really into futurama but other than that its usually animes that i collect long or short hair: literally lopped my hair off myself like 3 days ago height: 5′5″ do you have a crush on someone: if fictional characters count then yes, the husband list keeps growing and i need another closet to shove them in but real life im fighting a “battle” what do you like about yourself: i have yet to be called annoying or that im an ass to those i love and i support them with all i can, so ive got that going for me right or left handed: right, tho i am ambidextrous over weird ass shit. like gymnastics im left dominate in??? idfk either man list of three favourite colors: literally any color associated with fall/autumn and ill be a happy camper

right now: eating: just ate a cracker that had peanut butter on it cause im munchin hard drinking: sweet h2o man i’m about to: probably go to bed or i might work on my drafts for my writing blog, havent decided yet listening to: a mix about cats, love, breakfast and being tired by in love with a ghost (on youtube) kids: hell no, unless i know i can support the damn thing with all i can while living comfortably along with someone i KNOW wont leave both me and the kid and help me then maybe, but its still a really strong no. pets are fam tho, so technically i have like 5 kids already get married: down for that, annoying someone all the time as a “job” sounds fun, especially if we get late night adventures and do weird ass cooking class shit for fun. ITS IN THE CONTRACT YA KNOW career: i really want to travel the world and get paid to do so, but at my own pace

most recent: drink: water????? idk what you want from me man im a thirsty hoe for livin phone call: been on discord all day today with 2 of my best friends and listening to music with my bot the other half on it song you listened to: lauv reforget (literally just came on)

have you ever: dated someone twice: no been cheated on: nope, and im not the type to let them get away with it if they ever did kissed someone and regretted it: no lost someone special: yes been depressed: yes, began at a very young age due to the death of my father. literally had a midlife crisis when i was 4 cause of his death been drunk and thrown up: hell no kissed a stranger: no had glasses or contacts: glasses had sex on the first date: no, not really my thing broken someone’s heart: i think so, never really ask how they felt about it afterwards turned someone down: yuuuup cried when someone died: yes fallen for a friend: mmmmm, not really??? i usually crush on an acquaintance and my friends drag them in and somehow become friends later???

in the last year have you: made a new friend: uuuuuh, maybe 3??? i dont like leaving my house nor do i like wasting my time on strangers, especially if theyre rude fallen out of love: yeah laughed until you cried: many times, MANY FUCKING TIMES met someone who changed you: uh, i think so??? idk, i kinda find my own flow in life and people either respect it and enjoy the ride with me or fight it, and i dont have the energy to deal with pointless shit found out who your true friends were: ooooh yeah found out someone was talking about you: humans talk, its natural. i dont really do anything but i can see why someone WOULD talk shit if thats what this is asking about kissed someone on your fb list: ew no

which is better: lips or eyes: eyes hugs or kisses: hugs, i like being warm shorter or taller: both have pros and cons romantic or spontaneous: both? both sensitive or loud: idk what the fuck this is asking about but if its about being around people who are loud or sensitive then neither, im sensitive to headaches so loud people irritate me and trigger the pain and ive had bad experiences in person with sensitive people where they dont leave me alone and wind up stalking me???? i love being alone so neither hookup or relationship: relationship troublemaker or hesitant: one can be kinda fun but also a pain in the ass if they get you into trouble a lot and the other might not be as constantly fun per say but at least you shouldnt be in trouble as often

first: best friend: Samantha surgery: thankfully nothing yet sport i joined: badminton vacation: everything my parents did was while i was literally an infant soooooo yeah, greaaaaat memories

do you believe in: yourself: not all the time, but i rely on myself more than anyone else. i dont trust anyone for shit when i know damn well i can do it myself and know that if something goes wrong i myself fucked it up and can probably fix my mistake miracles: yes and no, i believe theres a reason for things to happen the way they do, and there are times i see it as miracles love at first sight: i believe in attraction at first sight, not immediately seeing someone soul or some shit heaven: im more for reincarnation and spiritual aspects in life and death

extras: how many people from your fb list do you know irl: 90% of them do you have any pets: im not counting my outside pets because there are too many to even keep track of to count so my children are 5 cats, toto my conure, oz my dog, tubby my gecko, and a beta fish and a catfish do you want to change your name: if i ever did, which i dont want to do, it’d be either Celeste or Aurora (my mom actually debated on calling me aurora after like the disney princess if you will and funny enough shes always been my favorite princess) what did you do for your last birthday: 2 of my friends kidnapped me and took me to dinner and we drove around and looked at interesting things. this years its during ren faire and im so damn happy what time did you wake up today: 9 pm. im sick atm and its really fucking up my sleep schedule what were you doing last night at midnight: just got out of a call with one of my best friends and sat on my own server for a bit chillin with my music bot before my other best friend joined my after like SIX HOURS, DAMN YOU SIMON something you can’t wait for: ren faire, getting married cause then i get to sweater slap someone and get away with it, and being comfortably happy in life last time you saw your mom: a few hours ago? i went to the kitchen to get my cat to love on her and saw her then what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish i had more determination to see things through and not be scared to take the leaps to see it through have you ever talked to a person named tom: i worked in retail, so probably what’s getting on your nerves: a lot of things, mainly petty things. kinda wanna cut a toxic person out of my life but we all know thats easier said than done especially seeing how he talks to literally all of the people i talk with on a daily basis save one soul and he treated her like shit when he talked to her sooo yeah, dunno wtf is his problem but im tired of being the object of his frustration and anger, idk how the rest of my friends deal with his shit but im just so damn DONE

man im not taggin 25 people. if youd like to tag me as a “i found it from so and so” then go for it man, let youre dreams run free friend. im just a lazy sack of shit and am tired and im amazed im still up and that its TAKEN ME A MILLION DAMN YEARS TO DO THIS IM SO SORRY LEANNE

#my post #tagging meme

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ilygsd · 6 years

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200918: 1

someone fuck me in the asshole honestly im shocked how can this dude NOT UNDERSTAND??? hes really good at cognitive empathy, he has a nice moral compass he follows ”be kind, be nice” but he cant fucking FEEL what hes doing

and like....... thats important to me??? and apaprebtly NO ONE has ever criticized him for it or whatever? like his ”intentions”?? ofc he cant help he doesnt feel emotional empathy but he literally cant spot the DIFFERENCE!!! he’s like ”as long as im kind and a nice human being” like bitch NOO!!!! i like you!!! you ”like” me, but you like me bc u think im interesting and you think we can learn from each other. which also is important OF COURSE!! but BITCH I LIKE YOU BC I FEEL FOR YOU THATS DIFFERENT

we’ve known each other for like 3 weeks, met 5 times and we’ve already had 3 major fights??? mainly over text/phone but still.... he’s so fycking mean? he really tries to manipulate me that ugly fucking whore!!! he guilt trips me all the fuxking time i cant say anything he’ll explode and i need to apologize or some shit otherwisw it would never end. and i know what the fuck he’s doing because i used to be the exact same. honestly we are similar in many aspecrs EXCEPT for the ”feel”-part. i feel TOO MUCH. and the difference is that im not manipulating him.... because i KNOW i cant. i know he’d see right through me, there’s no POINT

like i used to be like that too, maybe i still am. i ALWAYS win fights, no mercy. its like i turn off my empathy during fights but AT LEAST i feel AFTERWARDS!!! he doesnt. he realize he did wrong bc of his ”morality”. bitch i could CRY, because he literally scolded me over phone when i was on the bus and there was NOTHING i could do to stop him. i tried to talk to him but he only continues cus i fkn refuse to oBEY HIS ORDERS??? but i cant hang up either cus then he’d never talk to me again and i’d feel like shit......

he’s pretty calm irl, ive never seen him angry irl and i hope i never will holy SHIT!!! he’s so good at hurting, like he turns everything youve ever said to him against you. he’s so fucking good at it cus he’s so god damn good at reading people. thats what makes him so charming. i DONT UNDERSTAND how can his precious girlfriends not have CARED??? apparently i’m the first to criticize him and one of the few to trigger him and im like..... bruh how?? i literally dont say anything and you fucking explode?? are your family and friends blind??? are you doing this to me because you THINK the manipulation will work??

also...... he sees it as something positive that sick bastard. hes like ”well i think this could be good” and im like ”uhhhh bitch it is I who get scolded???” and hems like ”but i feel and too :((” he’s such a fkn dumbass. this is his politics too. he believes in reverse racism and is probably sexist too smhhh. i was like ”are u dumb, u hit me in the face and tell me its bad for you too bc u feel vad abt hitting me??”

i am impressed by how he chose to ve ”kind” or whatever instead of psycho even though i still think he’s selfish and does it for his own gain aka he LOVES to learn things, experience things. he’s very ambitious, energetic and curious. but he doesnt understand. he’s like ”well im kind to you thats all that matters?”

the thing is, he’s not even kind??? he basically forced me to taste his disgusting vanilla coffee OTHERWISE he would take the blanket away??? he sees it as teasing and it kind of is yeah..... if i didnt know that his 1000% serious?? he honestly think its a ducking compromose?? im lile ”uhh a improvisera would be for me to taste a little coffee and then you to give me another blanket or AT LEAST stop nagging”

and when i finally tasted the ugly coffee he wanted to know if i thought it was good and i said ”yeah its ok” bc im not a liar, it was better than expected. and hes like ”thats all i wanted to hear” I KNOW BITCH, YOURE NOT THAT FUCKING SLICK ITS PRETTY FKN OBVIOUS

also he always adds rules??? everythings always on his conditions? also he kinda thinks i should be thankful for him not being an asshole??? or maybe its that i actually VRITICIZE his intentions. yeah i think that brothers him. i think he thinks it entertaining because he doesnt care when he get angry. i didnt use to either. i could just forget te fight and move on, it wasnt important to me. but fuck now when i KNOW what its like......

im like ”ur threatening me to drink coffee” and hes like ”arent u happy i put extra much vanilla for you?? i usually drink much stronger but i didnt for u? arent u happy i gave u the blanket? i actually was goong to put it on the couch and leave u cold but i didnt?” BUT HE ONLY PUT ECTRA VANILLA SO I WPULD TELL HIM IT TASTES GOOD SO HIS EGO CAN BE BOOSTED

calso he kinda forced me to drink alohol?? i was like ”im feeling like shit if i throw up its tour fault and you will have to clean up” and he’s like ”no you’ll have to clean up” BITCH I SONT EVEN WANT TO DRINK YOURE PUSHING ME

soooo many red flags fuck i really SHOULD leave now when i can and now when im not too emotionally invested. but oMG IM SO CURIOUS!!! we’re so similar yet so different!!! we can relate to each other in some ways the bad thing is that since he actually cant FEEL empathy, he doesnt BELEIVE me even when i tell him the truth. im not sad bc i want to manipulate him. im not even sad that his words are huetful even though they are, because i know he’s fucking weong. im sad because he treats me lile this. im sad because i like HIM!!! i genuinely LIKE HIM!! but he doesnt fucking understand?? he doesnt understand the difference between LIKING someone and LIKING to HANG OUT with someone. i like him because i like HIM I FEEL HIM, he only likes to hang out with me.

he talks about this as ”his way” and ”bot traditional” way of feeling. his version and definition of ”love” and ”affvtion” is so fucking weird??? we were cuddling and he said ”wow u make me feel more” LMAO BULLSHIT. I CALL FUCKING BULLSHIT YOU ONLY SAY THAT CUS U THINK THATS WHAT I WANT TO HEAR

im partly okay with him being low empathy, he cant help it and i actually genuinely believe he believes he’s doing the RIGHT thing. like he believes it so much and... i guess he is?? like what choice does he have? he cant fucking feel, the least he can do is be kind anyways. he cant help that its not genuine and i guess i’ll have to accept that, but i al NOT GOING TO FALL FOR THOSE CHEAP TRICKS. i didnt say anything but i bet he would even understand if i pointed it out. he’d be like ”but its true!! i feel more with you” no bitch, you only say/think that because you WANT to be with me and now when you know thats what i want to hear thats what you say. smhhh

also i remember in the beginning when i kinda confessed and he was like ”it takes time for me to like someone” and in like???? uhhh okay? and i was anxious abt it cus i really didnt understand what the fuck we were and he just kept ”it takes time for me to like someone” to i was like ”okay but its not like im super super deeply in love with you or anything?? like.... i can like people??” BUT NOW I FUCKING UNDERSTAND HE LITERALLY MEANS BASIC ASS EMPATHY. IT TAKES TIME FOR HIM TO FEEL BASIC ASS EMPATHY FOR OTHER PEOPLE

i just dint understand how the fuck he’s able to still have a family and friends and stuff. how..... how can no one care??? i said ”theyre being manipulated” and hes like ”no i just dont think they care. they just like that im kind and dont think much abt it” but both youre not kind??? but when i tell im its not genuine he goes with the ”well we’re all egoists anyqays, we’re all doing things for ourselves, ur egoist too” yeah but i can still FEEL

i dont wanna be a dick. maybe its just me?? maybe its just because i feel so much and thats why i really NEED that genuine feeling?? no, i know why...... fuCK ME!!! i CARE because i like him 😔😔 bc i think hes so smart and interesring and i see him as someone potential and thats why i keep test him like this 😔 and its for no use because i cant change who he is 😔😔 would i care about these things with some other guy??? no. because i sont care abt them, but i care abt him and thats why 😔😔

hes not even guilt tripping me for it (wow ”yay” ) he just doesnt understand. he doesnt understand the difference or why i find it important. he just sees it as ”him being different” and ”him feeling in another way”. thats not it. this is not normal. this is because of childhood trauma and im so fucking sad for you, no offense, youre doing tour best but thats so sad

well anyways, even if i were to accept his WEIRD ASS DEFINITION OF LOVE he STILL needs to fucking stop with his abuse??????!!!! out of the 3 fights he has told me 2 times he’s going to ”try” but bitch WE KNOW HE WONT. HE CANT! HE CANT BECAUSE HE CANT FEEL WHEN ITS ENOUGH. IF HE FELT EMPATHY HE WOULD KNOW WHEN TO STOP. BUT HE CANT. im just waiting for him to explode someday. i literally asked him ”what should i do next time” and he’s like ”idk, i cant tell you what to do”. omg its true. theres nothing i can do, he’d still be so pissed at me no matter what. and me just asking him is such a BIG RED FLAG like we ALL KNOW.... or not him. he’s like ”maybe we wont fight” LMAO HAHAH YEA BITCH NICE TRY BUT WE WILL BC U START IT

hes so fucking sensitive. we had a misunderstanding, he started to scold me, i got mad and he kept gaslighting ”no i didnt scold you” and when i called him out on gaslighhting..... oh boy...... he got SO FUCKING MA, accuses ME of gaslighting him?? accuses me of ”starting” it with my ”passie aggressiveness” ok maybe i was passive aggressive but i WOULDNT IF HE DIDNT SCOLD ME ABOUT IT. i cant ever criticize him because he goes bananas. ok maybe im not the best to criticize others, im very....... bold. BUT I KNOW IM RIGHT??

last time he got angry because i said ”ppl listen to you bc ur a white man” and he started to bring up his childhood, told me im insensitive, theeatened me to hang up, never talk to me again if i didnt ”respect” him aka ”obey” him, he guilt truppen me, told me no one would want to me with me blah blah blah

a part of me is happy u dont really fall for that bullshit. like yes if course im HURT!!! but as i said, im not really hurt because he really is trying to hurt me. he really WANTS to hurt me. he even takes pride in it?? ”im very good at making people feel very good, and im very good at making people feel very bad” it makes me so FRUSTRATED BECAUSE I LIKE HIM I WANT HIM TO SEE AND UNDERSTAND SO HE CAN GROW, THAT IS EMPATHY PEOPLE, THAT IS GENUINE LOVE

we’re so different. we use completely different tactics. when i used to manipulate my ex.... i NEVER did personal attacks like he does. i never used smth personal AGAINST them.... i was more about.... guilt tripping? more about ”u dont love me, pity me”. im not saying thats good, i was horrible but what he does is just MEAN. i dont understand how anyone can keep up with that kind of behavior. i even told him when we fought and he responded ”well i need to keep up with u”. he always does that and that actually hurts because i like him. and he knows that. he always says ”ive been sitting here, listening to you, been kind to you and....” etc. etc

WHYYYYYY am i the only one criticizing him?? WHY is he like this to me? is it because i see through his ugly acting?? is it even possible for us to ever be healthy together? we can learn from each other, no doubt. but is it healthy???

when i tell him i feel bad bc of horrible manipulative and emotional abusive things ive done he understand but hes like...... ”thats ok dont be so hard on yourself, just learn, everyone makes mistakes” but like no?? THIS IS NOT OKAY!!! he also keeps saying i’ll become like him and like ”stop caring” bc ”we cared too much before” but NO I DONT WANT TO BECOME LIKE YOU!! I ADMIRE YOUR THINKING SKILLS AND ID LIKE TO LEARN SOME OF THAT BC WERE POLAR OPPOSITES YOU THINK, I FEEL. YOU CANT FEEL, I CANT THINK AND HANDLE MY FEELINGS

i dont WANT to. thats the difference. im not satisfiera!!! i told him i dont want to apologize to my ex best friend (who i treated like shit) until it feels GENUINE and hes like ”pfft... its better than nothing. she wont know if its genuine anyways” and im like bitch.... i WANT to be genuine because i think she would appreciate it more and I would feel better about it and hes like ”oh so its cus u wanna feel good about it” OH MY GOD HES SO ANNOYING

i really should pack mt bags and run. why did i have to fall for him UGHHHHH. why do i let him treat me like this when i’d never let ANYONE else do it. its so weird, im very picku with guys. i dont fall for ANYONE. i ALWAYS pick nice and kind guys so why him? i thought he was nice, yeah fair enough, but i still like him even though he isnt? i dont think its me being awfullt desperate, i really wouldnt let anyone be like this. like BOY HE BEKIEVES IN FUXKING REVERSE RACISM DO YALL THINK I WOULD HANG IUT WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT??? or maybe i am desperate. yes i am. im desperate for the connection i feel. thats kinda sad. i feel a strong bond to/with him, i feel like we’ve been through some things and i still look up to him and how he has recovered. he gives me hope that i can also be happy one day. I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE HIM but i still want to learn from him. and i sont think i will ve like him because im not a sociopath. i just want to take the good stuff and then become better

omg i really am similar to him. im really here feeling superior. i do feel superior because i can feel. i feel superior and a part of me wants to use him. hes a real challenge. i dont think i can maniplate him, it would be amazing to have him feel something for me...... IH MY GOD THIS IS SUCH A FUCKING MESS. NO THIS IS NOT IT. I DO LIKE HIM IM NOT LIKE HIM. IM NOT THAT FUCKED UP

i get really annoyed when he claims im similar that i also want to control and manipulate and im like NO BITCH WERE SIMILAR BUT NOT HERE, like not when im trying to be calm and grown up and have us silver things, not when im crying because he huet my feelings but................ maybe hes right. or maybe hes just manipulating me??? maybe its both. ofc its both. i WAS HURT, i actually HAD anxiety!!!! if that bastard could feel, he would have known it was GENUIKE. AND HE WOULD HAVE KNOWN IM TRYING TO BE CALM AND AN ASULR BECAUSE HE SURE AS HELL FUXKING ISNT AND I ACTUALLY LIKE YOU BITCH I WANT TO SOLVE THIS FOR MY OWN SAKW TOO SO I CAN BE WITH YOU WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A CHEAP WHORE WITH NO SELF RESPECT.... BUT YES OF COURSE I WANTED HIM TO FEEL FOR ME TOO. IT DISTURBS ME SO MUCH THAR I DONT HAVE AN EFFECT ON HIM HEA LIKE A STONE AND OFC IF ANYONE SAW US FIGGT I’D LOOK LIKE THE CALM ONE. hes wrong though bc i used to think like that too with my ex bff. i used to think damn shes only like that so she can feel superior to be and humiliate me but no. she was right. she was more mature than me and she did what she had to do AND THATS WHAT IM DOIKG TO SO FUCK YOU

only way for me to manipulate him would be sexually. he’s that pathetic. a fucking horny dick, thats what he is. but it wouldnt even be manipulation because honestly if hes that fucking horny then its his choice. its not like i’d ever r*pe him, i dont even wanna have sex with him that guy has some HIGH STANDARDS i feel like a virgin next to him but since im not he would also expect more smh. i dont even dare to kiss him back. im only used to virgins so they dont have any experience lmao but... fuck i cant this time

he’s so cockt though for real. he brags about this and that all the time which is kind of his charm..... if it wasnt for the fact that hes always so competitive and serious LMAO. like it would really hurt his ego if i questioned him. imagine me telling him his sex, kisses, brain/psychology or smth was bad. i swear to god he would want to scold me and call me some real nasty things but he probably wouldnt

#diary #jo

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release-retrieve-blog · 6 years

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Chaos and disorder frighten me because I am generally a calm and delicate person. I get uncomfortable when my friends are upset, especially if they are crying. There is definitely a part of me that sees crying as weak. Crying also scares me. I think because I can feel the awfulness behind the years of a grief stricken person. I spent a lot of my childhood trying to make adults around me happy so they would stop crying, because it scared me. There is a story my aunt often tells about when her younger sister committed suicide and she was wracked with grief and crying, and I said to my mother, "why is she doing that? Make her stop, it's scaring me!" I was only maybe three when this happened, and I don't remember it well. I threw tantrums often as a child, so I'm not sure where this fear of emotion comes from. When my mom would dropstop me off at my cousin's house while she went to work, I would stare out the front door and scream and cry as i watched her walk away and get into her car and drive off. I would usually be left alone in a room until I exhausted myself from the tantrum and was able to fall asleep. I'm now remembering all the times with my mom as a child that could have contributed to my anxiety. I don't think i was born anxious. My dad always told me i seemed to be born "aware" and that i was extra sensitive to sound as an infant. The first fear i remember having was when we lived at the Plainville house, which we moved away from when I was about 4. I was always afraid to go upstairs by myself because i was afraid that lava would start spilling down the stairs. There was one time when i remember waking up in the morning and the floor being covered in black ants. Like couldn't see the carpet. I screamed for my mom and she called an exterminator and he never found anything. Im Not sure if i had a dream and then thought it was real, or if the exterminator was called first and inspired a dream later, but i have the timeline mixed up. I remember as a kid i wasn't really afraid of anything but i kind of wanted to be afraid of something, so in my new room at our new house, I thought of ghosts and i pictured a little white ghost that looked similar to the decorations you can make out of a sock and some white napkins. I pictured it hovering over my bed, being spooky, until it actually became a little spooky. The fear didn't last. The next thing was worms, I think. I remember my aunt Molly saying she was afraid of them and i think i wanted to be like her, so i tried to make myself afraid of them as well. I saw an episode of Goosebumps called Stay Out Of the Basement where there is a man who turns into a plant or something and there is a scene where the non-plant man sits down on his bed and it shows a tiny earthworm fall out from under the covers and wriggle around on the floor. After that, I would imagine that there were worms in my bed when i would be going to sleep at night and it didn't take long for it to become a full-fledged fear that I still have a bit of, now. It didn't help that my aunt Lorraine would tell me that the stuffing in my blankie would turn into worms if i didn't let her wash it (I never wanted her to wash it, even though it always smelled of smoke, because to me it smelled like home and reminded me of my parents). The next fear was clowns and i was about six or seven. I was never really bothered by them. I was kind of indifferent. They weren't really funny, but they also weren't scary. A lot of kids were afraid of them though, and I think i wanted to be afraid to fit in, but also because I was curious about what it must feel like to fear them. So i would imagine a clown in my closet at night or under my bed. I remember one time I was staying at my cousins' house for the night, and i was sleeping on the water bed in the guest room. I would lightly kick my feet to make waves, and I imagined a creepy clown climbing up onto the bed. That actually did freak me out and i think i slept with the light on. There were also other fears that started more naturally, I guess you could say. Like house fires. In kindergarten, the fire department came to our school and set up a fire simulation that looked like a house and we each had to crawl through it while it was "burning" (there were orange lights to simulate flames and i think a fog machine for smoke). We were timed and then told whether we "survived" or not. To say it was traumatic is an understatement. For MONTHS afterwards I was terrified of house fires. I would make my parents check all the fire detectors constantly. I remember one time, I heard this faint chirping sound, that sounded like a fire detector, so my parents and i searched the entire house and eventually discovered the sound was coming from a you with a low battery at the bottom of my toy chest. I was also afraid of tornadoes at this time, I think because the blue ash tornado had happened recently and a couple of my cousins were obsessed with the movie Twister, so I saw glimpses of it here and there. I also saw a Chucky movie that uncle dan was watching and I was honestly afraid of that damn doll until I was like 22 years old and finally stopped checking under the bed for it. As I got older, I eventually became afraid of ax murderers. I think after watching a Halloween special on the history channel about the Villisca ax murders or something. I still remember the narrator's voice, "on the night of June something, an unknown assailant crept into the family's home...". Aside from obviously giving myself a bit of anxiety, i think another portion comes from my mom. I remember being a pretty chill kid up until I started school. I can't remember if it was kindergarten or first grade, but the first time something bad happened was before ange was born. I think i was five. I came home from school, excited about a skating party that was happening that night. I don't know where my mom was, so i got some milk and oreos and laid down on my belly in front of the tv, probably watching Dragon Tales of something. A few minutes later, a police woman with a blonde ponytail came into the room and scooped me up. There were other officers and i could hear their radios. The woman carried me, kicking and screaming, across the backyard to our neighbor miss bonnie's house. I remember sitting on her kitchen counter, crying, while seeing bonnie's expression, a mixture of shock and concern, as the police woman (i assume) told her what was going on. I dont think I knew what had happened (I still kind of dont, because it all blurs together now, but I think my mom may have tried to overdose on pills) just that something was wrong and i didn't know where my mother was or why a strange woman had taken me from my home. I remember being too afraid to ask so instead i cried about wanting to go to the skating party, even though I didn't care about it anymore. I dont remember police coming into our house again, but I do remember several other instances where similar things happened. I would have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach on my way home from school, and instead of playing with my friends, i would run home from the neighborhood bus stop to make sure my mom was okay. She would often be passed out on the couch. She had to be taken away in an ambulance a few times, once for her "tonsils" and another time for her "gallbladder". I don't know if she really had a gallbladder attack or if that was an excuse given to me because my parents thought it would be less scary. I remember she had her tonsils removed a couple years later though, so that was definitely a lie. After ange was born, she went to "summer camp" (rehab). She wrote me letters about how she was happy and making friends and finally laughing again. I missed her so much. After that, she seemed to be doing better for a long time. Then, over the summer before i went to second grade, things got bad again. I remember now what actually happened. For a long time it was tangled up. I was playing at my cousin chelsey's house and we wanted to have a sleepover for the third night in a row. We were fixing to call my dad and ask if I could stay again, and then convince her mom to say yes, too. Then, Jen got a phone call. It was my dad and she seemed upset. "Oh my God! Of course she can stay." When she handed the phone to me, my dad told me in a serious tone that there had been an accident and my mom was hurt very badly, but was going to be okay. He told me she was airlifted to the hospital. I remember going to visit her there, and trying to make light of the situation by talking about "how neat it must have been to fly in a helicopter" because I was so afraid to acknowledge the heaviness I felt in my heart. I think i was told that she tripped while carrying a knife to the kitchen table, and cut herself badly. I later learned that she had shot herself in the side, with my dad's shotgun I didn't know he had. I was terrified of guns after that. And then the carpet being replaced in my parents room and the little closet nook wall being torn down made more sense. I wondered if my dad had to clean up the mess himself or if a crime cleaning crew helped. I never asked because i dont think I really wanted to know.

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celiacposterboy · 8 years

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Who wants (will listen) to a slightly bruised Pellagra Prophet AKA as Celiac Today?

Part 1 This was getting long so I broke it into two posts but both are still kinda long

Who wants (will listen) to a slightly bruised Pellagra Prophet AKA Celiac Disease today?

(I speak as a man)

I have taken a break from my Tumblr blog for a while because I have blogging/commenting on Celiac.com lately . . .. but I find I am often not wanted or my opinions anyway are looked on as suspect.

One commenter said it was dangerous to recommend a Vitamin for their health.

Quoting

“its not just those specific examples its the bigger picture no one is saying that Vitamin B3 is not important or that B3 deficiency doesn't exist.

The point is you may think that you are helping people but in reality you are giving people dangerous advice based on inaccurate information you have quoted from unreliable / questionable sources. then trying to present this information to us as facts by writing in an somewhat academic style when you clearly havn't even fully researched what you are repeating or who these crazy doctors making these claims are.

im not trying to be mean but it reads like you want to believe Niacinamide can magically cure celiac disease so much that you have convinced yourself its true.

taking high does of vitamin B3 can be toxic and cause serious side effects like liver damage or stomach ulcers.

your blog is on tumblr which is primarily used by teenagers, what if someone sees your posts (who isn't as informed as the people on this forum) and starts taking high doses of Niacinamide for celiac, DH, or acid reflux and gets seriously ill. you probably wouldn't ever find out about it or be held accountable.”

Note this is after I had quoted (unknowingly) a doctor who was being reviewed by their medical board (not in the US) for giving too much credit to Vitamins for their ability to heal/help our health issues.

This is known as quackery in the medical field or at least they would like you to think a Vitamin can’t help you.

But they have a rebellion in their ranks. Functional Medicine doctor’s first rely on Vitamins to restore your bodies functions before prescribing medicine when a Vitamin would do as well.

She might be considered (this type of doctor) who saw the “emperor” had no clothes if you will -- meaning giving medicines for a life time and more medicine when that medicine doesn’t work as failing her patients.

She got in trouble in part because she gave too much credit in (their minds of other doctor’s) who were prescribing the same medicines she had rejected or at least called in to question their effectiveness.

So it is no wonder they attacked her out of fear others too would stop using their medicines that would only lead to more medicines to mask the other/more symptom’s that would continue to develop because the underlying cause had not been identified – often a Vitamin.

Now I know there is a lot of confusion about this topic because it has not been seen in the U.S.A. for three quarters of a century (75+ years) but Pellagra THEN and NOW are causing people heartburn and in its advanced stages their life the fourth D of Pellagra.

I had written a book that might could help them . . .. so naturally they don’t want to hear about it (competition) that might unlock/freeze up their profit from medicines.

I don’t know if it (Niacinamide) will help you or not but I know it won’t you help if you don’t try it.

Here is the thread I am talking about if you want to read it for yourself (it is kind of long) so don’t link to it if you don’t want to spend the whole time reading the thread. https://www.celiac.com/gluten-free/topic/115445-relief-and-it-isnt-dapsone/?page=2

The dispute came to a head on the 2nd page so I have linked the 2nd page here.

So this prophet (I speak as a man) is not wanted by those who could use this information the most.

Sadly it doesn’t work that way. The people who could be helped most. Celiac’s or Chron’s etc that could be helped by the knowledge that Niacin treats digestive problems

http://www.yourhealthbase.com/database/a124b.htm

See my summary of how it could be Pellagra and the doctors have not figured it out yet in a clinical setting.

Quoting

“I was serology confirmed as a Celiac. It is true I was not "biospy proven" but there are others on this site like Gemini and I think Ironictruth who were only blood test confirmed but we are no less Celiac's. Than those who have had a biopsy proven diagnosis I believe.

we had a gluten antibody response while consuming gluten and our antibodies when down when I/we stopped consuming gluten.

I think Gemini said hers are still slowly coming down.

And why this considered controversial by some . . . the ideal that biopsy is required for a "positive" not false positive indication of celiac disease is beginning to take hold among research and experts in the field.

A noted author and I would say expert Dr. Rodney Ford of New Zealand the author of the "Gluten Syndrome" notes like squirmingitch that he believes celiac is actually a "Neurological disease" just as squirmingitch noted she had "neurologic aspects" and "psychosomatic reactions" and is what Dr. Ford says.

I have had these same reaction of clinical depression I believe tied to my gluten consumption in addition the GI symptom's and most doctor's today don't connect the two diseases in these aspects.

but my "gluten brain fog" got better when I went gluten free but most doctor's won't agree they are connected even to this day.

Dr. Ford summarizes well what he calls the "Unmasking of Celiac" as reported in the Journal of Gluten Sensitivity. Link provided herehttps://www.celiac.com/articles/23853/1/The-Masking-of-Celiac-Do-Not-Ignore-the-Smoking-Gun/Page1.html

Please read the whole article for yourself but my point is the same as his.

quoting dr. ford "What an odd thing to say: “Do not mask the appearance of celiac disease.” Inferring that you keep on eating gluten, despite early signs of celiac disease, until you get enough damage to your intestines that it can be seen under a microscope. I (He) totally disagree with this concept—but this is still a common belief of medical practitioners.

I am actually glad my doctor was educated enough about the topic to diagnose me as a Celiac without a biopsy.

Dr. Ford goes on to say

"Have you ever heard of a doctor “masking” the diagnosis of heart disease by failing to treat high blood pressure or high cholesterol until the patient has a heart attack? Ridiculous! Have you ever heard of a doctor “masking” the diagnosis of depression so that the person is suicidal before given help? Ridiculous!" He says!

He admits it is contentious but I think it is high time we admit serology is enough to diagnose someone as a celiac before a biopsy can prove "well the blood test was right about you having celiac and not NCGI/NCGS phase of the disease where a biopsy proves what the blood test told us" my words.

Then dr. ford goes on to mention 12 different points about why only blood exams are rejected as proven celiac disease in the absence of a biopsy.

I will note two or three points that I think as he terms it is a "smoking gun" for a serology proven diagnosis.

Quoting Dr. ford

* 7) "The “masking” concept originated a few decades ago when biopsy was the only way to diagnose celiac disease;"

According to Dr. Ford but

8) "now, the blood tests for celiac disease (EMA, tTG, DGP) are more accurate than the biopsy, and can turn positive BEFORE there is any histologic evidence of gut damage;"

He capitalizes this fact but we still want people to use an archaic standard when no other method was available to "Prove" a celiac diagnosis.

Dr. Ford goes on to note

* 1) "Celiac disease is a progressive condition—it slowly gets worse the longer you eat gluten;"

* 2)"In the early stages of celiac disease, it cannot be diagnosed by endoscopy biopsy;"

* 3) "The biopsy test is inaccurate and relies on experts to recognize early disease;"

So I think it is high time like my doctor does and more enlightened researchers/practitioner's like Dr. ford and demand serology confirm a celiac diagnosis and stop demanding older more unreliable methods.

He (Dr. Ford) notes summarizing

quoting

"a) a Gluten challenge is detrimental to your health;

"b) A gluten challenge (to create serious bowel damage) can take years, during which time ongoing body damage (brain, skin and bowel) is ongoing;"

Now it should be noted I am not saying this I am just quoting what an expert in the field says about a "biopsy proven" celiac diagnosis.

Though I do agree with it because other dr's like dr. Mark Hyman said as much 5+ years ago in the Huffington Post

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-mark-hyman/gluten-what-you-dont-know_b_379089.html

quoting Dr. Hyman

"Many doctors consider elevated anti-gliadin antibodies in the absence of a positive intestinal biopsy showing damage to be “false positives.” That means the test looks positive but really isn’t significant.

We can no longer say that. Positive is positive and, as with all illness, there is a continuum of disease, from mild gluten sensitivity to full-blown celiac disease "

Quoting Dr. Hyman again for emphasis "If your antibodies are elevated" . . . Positive is Positive

according to Dr. Hyman and now the the noted author who was the first I know of to link neurological aspect i.e, gluten ataxia as a real component of the "gluten syndrome" Dr. Ford says blood serology is better quoting Dr. Ford again and "more accurate than the biopsy, and can turn positive BEFORE there is any histologic evidence of gut damage;"

He Dr. Ford thinks and I agree this day can not come soon enough for the Celiac's still suffering waiting on a "biopsy proven" celiac diagnosis that "Biopsy is not the Gold Standard" and he even dedicates' a page of his practice to educate people of this fact. It is very informative and should be read by anyone who has a positive blood test for celiac disease.

Here is the link

http://drrodneyford.com/extra/documents/236-no-gold-standard.html

IN summary he believes there will be quoting an "Ending of Endoscopy . .. to diagnose Celiac disease"

"Ending of endoscopy

In the next few years, blood tests (particularly the DGP tests) (Dr. Ford says) will take over the endoscopy and we will see the end of the endoscopy to diagnose celiac disease."

I just hope it comes soon before more people have to "ridiculously" endure eating gluten sometimes for years according to what 5+ years ago dr. Hyman concluded a "positive (blood) test is positive" for a Celiac diagnosis.

So please don't say I didn't have celiac disease. I had 30+ years of horrible GI problems from the time I was a very small kid. I developed Celiac disease no to mention the many IBS, constipation, diarrhea issues that go with such a diagnosis including early onset Arthritis in my late 20’s with a formal diagnosis in my early 30s by blood serology. I could not of survived as other on this site have said a "biopsy proven" celiac diagnosis.

I will be glad when other get it. "Positive is Positive".

I actually think I was as Knitty Kitty said on this site "I was/am a Celiac who developed Pellagra" and why I think Niacin helped her the way it did me.

The International Journal of Celiac disease notes this possibility concerning being a Celiac and a Pellagra sufferer Co-Morbid.

See this link http://pubs.sciepub.com/ijcd/3/1/6/

Note what they say about Celiac and Pellagra being Co-Morbid in 58% of Celiac's in paragraph

3. Celiac and Pellagra.

This is because it is not YET well understood that 58 percent of Celiac patients are Co-Morbid with Pellagra and it it might take years for people/doctor's to understand this.

See this link where Dr. Haney's discusses why this is so.

http://blogs.creighton.edu/heaney/2013/11/18/pellagra-and-the-four-ds/

Where quoting Dr. Heaney he correctly states “it is doubtful today that most health professionals would not recognize it (Pellagra) if a case happened to come to their attention” Today!

If you can believe the research in the International Journal of Celiac disease then "Pathology presumably would qualify the Pellagra patient as a Celiac Patient if the Pellgarin was first diagnosed as a Celiac first as often is the case TODAY!” in the majority of Celiac's quoting the Celiac Posterboy.

And why I keep trying to educate people of this fact before more people sufferer unnecessarily.

*** Remember as always this is not medical advice and should not be considered such. Always consult your doctor before making any changes to your medical regimen. But mine has taken/uses The Niacinamide Challenge /protocol in his practice and his patients digestive/GI problems are in remission i.e, they burp, their stool sinks and and they go once a day without distress after taking Niacin/Niacinamide 500mg 3/day for 6 months proving at least in the majority of his patients they are also Co-Morbid Pellagrins among his IBS patients at least and according to the International Journal of Celiac disease their is at least 50/50 chance a Celiac or/and I believe a Non-Celiac Gluten Sensitivity (NCGS) patient might be too or as cyclyinglady terms it talking about me Non-Celiac Gluten Intolerant - NCGI.

Your results might vary.

2 Timothy 2: 7 “Consider what I say; and the Lord give thee understanding in all things” this included.

Posterboy by the Grace of God,

I was posting (trying to help) someone who has DH and telling them someone else on celiac.com used Niacin to help their intense itching associated with a Celiac diagnosis and after I pointed out in the above referenced thread that Niacin helps dermatitis/skin issues too I was promptly run out of town and told to in their words . . .

“I will make this perfectly clear . . . GO AWAY!” and the thread ends soon after because I went away.

Will you tell me to go away too? Listen if you will Pellagra can and does in most people cases makes more sense.

If you get the correct diagnosis then you get better.

I summarize these things/findings in my post looked beyond celiac to Pellagra linked below.

https://celiacposterboy.wordpress.com/2016/02/16/look-beyond-celiac-to-pellagra-for-your-gi-issuesproblems/

I wrote Celiac Central too now “Beyond Celiac” and they too will not listen or have not heard the Celiac Prophet (I speak as a man) that Gluten Juneteenth has been proclaimed. https://celiacposterboy.wordpress.com/2014/07/16/gluten-juneteenth/

For over two year now and 200+ pages latter on my blog and still I have not convenience one Celiac they could have been diagnosed with Pellagra instead.

Quoting the Celiac Posterboy “Pathology presumably would qualify the Pellagra patient as a Celiac Patient if the Pellgarin was first diagnosed as a Celiac first as often is the case TODAY!”

And their own prophets agree see citation above in quote from celiac.com blog thread http://pubs.sciepub.com/ijcd/3/1/6/

Quoting the International Journal of Celiac Disease

“The two diseases can be connected in two aspects. 58% of pellagra patients were shown to have malabsorption and many had intestinal pathology on biopsies [36, 37]. Alternatively, Pellagra was described in CD [38]

58% percent people that is a MAJORITY!

A majority of the people reading this blog could get better if you have been diagnosed with the wrong disease as I was.

As I said above to celiac.com quoting “This is because it is not YET well understood that 58 percent of Celiac patients are Co-Morbid with Pellagra and it might take years for people/doctor's to understand this.”

Do you have the time to wait?

Some people discredit or question the good news when they hear it.

What have you got to loose (other than your bowels and your mind) it is just a Vitamin.

I do not have a USP (Unique Selling Position). You don’t have to buy my Vitamins.

I don’t sell Vitamins. I did write a book call “How to Fight GERD/Gluten and Win or How the Doctor’s Almost Killed Me” that summarizes this research but you needn’t buy it either.

Almost any blog post I write tells you what you can do and should do if you are experiencing undiagnosed or misdiagnosed Pellagra.

It is now up to you (class/reader) to believe it could help and take the Vitamin or not and continue suffering why the doctor’s keep giving more medicine to hide/mask the symptom’s.

If it is indeed the “Elegant” solution I propose/theorize it is you will get better in 6 months of taking Niacinamide 3/day UNTIL burping and your stool SINKS (where today it still probably floats) and your GI symptom’s go into remission. Or I was wrong. Then tell me and other’s so but I don’t see the point of criticizing what you won’t try?

But the test of a prophet/theory is what does it/they do or say come true! If you take the Niacinamide and you BURP then the Celiac Posterboy prophet has the right disease.

A witness of two is true! Did you begin burping and your stool sink after 3 to 4 months of taking the Niacianmide 3/day THEN it is true you have had Pellagra and the doctors have not diagnosed it correctly.

I don’t know what else to write any more.

I will include the key words for reference and easy search results. The blog comes up better on Bing but use whatever search engine you are most comfortable with.

As I have said before in this blog. A healthy child burps at 6 months of age and you can too in six months by taking the Niacinamide Challenge putting your Co-Morbid Pellagra (digestive) symptom’s into remission if indeed we can believe the International Journal of Celiac Disease and your Celiac Disease is presenting as Pellagra the majority of the time.

In case this is the only post you read I will repeat here for knowledge sakes ****** the number one mistake people make when taking Niacinamide is they don’t take it long enough. It should as I have said elsewhere in this blog it should be taken UNTIL you are burping and I might add burping without bloating. Most people will burp when taking Niacinamide in 4 to 5 months or less taking it 3/daily — ie with each meal.

It takes 3 to 4 months to overcome your dependency on this Vitamin for your mucus membranes (GI lining) to heal itself.

Once repaired you can maintain them barring some future stress/trauma depleting your reserves at which time Heartburn/GERD/IBS symptoms will return and you will lose your burp again.

And the cycle repeats and the Pellagra symptoms come back with a vengeance.

Remember **** This is not medical advice and should not be considered such. Results may vary. Always consult your doctor before making any changes to your regimen.

Then tell someone (share) is all I ask https://celiacposterboy.wordpress.com/2015/12/28/are-you-a-starfish-part-2-of-a-former-sufferers-journey/ tell others is all I ask – however that is (facebook, twitter, comment on my blog, email a friend this link or link this blog to yours, reblog on your site (cite your source) or review my book on Amazon when you are BURPING for the first time in years or (EVER) – tell a friend about this blog or my book is all I ask but don’t let the chain break with you.

Stop the Madness! Once you have the Correct diagnosis you get better!

I say admit it IJCD (International Journal of Celiac Disease (Pellagra my words)) (YOUR own research bares this out but you don’t believe it) (58% of Celiac’s at least) (and probably more) because they are not even looking for Pellagra they just note the Co-Morbidity as an oddity) 58% is not rare it is the (MAJORITY) can and will show improvement when taking Niaciamide UNTIL burping is induced (occurs) like Prousky proved scientifically 15 years ago that “Niacin treats digestive problems” and yet we (most of us Celiacs’) still are looking for a cure for our disease. Maybe as high as 90+ percent (I would say higher) are being misdiagnosed as NCGS/Celiac’s (or some other GI disease) because one disease has been confused for the other.

As always search for the “Celiac Posterboy” or “Celiac Poster boy” or “Fight Gluten Win” or “Fight GERD Win” if you want to read all my blog posts for as I have said elsewhere in this blog and it bears repeating “To Educate is to Free” Truly.

https://celiacposterboy.wordpress.com/2014/09/11/to-educates-is-to-free/ and once free from error tell others there is hope!

Tell your doctor even so he/she can have you tested for a Vitamin deficiency.

https://celiacposterboy.wordpress.com/2016/01/23/to-educate-is-to-free-part-two/

And you think they will listen and want to learn how to help their other patients still suffering.

The Celiac Posterboy (Prophet) by the Grace of God, if what I say is true and you get better and you burp like a baby in six months.

It will take courage and conviction on your part to take a Vitamin when all you hear these days’ that the “average” person doesn’t need a Vitamin. Or put another way why ‘all the hate” for Vitamins? these days” So much so the “average Joe” won’t take a Vitamin for their health?

Do some of the research of I have listed here and if you still feel the same way. I get it. But the power to change (knowledge) is now yours’ the question remains now what will do with it.

If I am right then I will be able to predict your GI future in a way (medically speaking) you will BURP!

When you start burping these other things go away as if by magic.

Either we have found the cure?/remission has occurred or CD/NCGS is the same disease by a different name aka one has been confused for the other Pellagra a Niacin deficiency is being diagnosed today as Celiac disease.

Quoting the Celiac Posterboy ““I hope my words and experience will be enough to convenience you that medical science has discovered the cause of most digestive disorder(s) but medical practice (clinicians/practitioner’s) has not (does not) digested/recognized it (Pellagra) (yet) in a clinical setting.”

And I can hear you now.

So let me verbalize it for you.

“NO that is not possible.” The doctor’s took 5 or 6 years (if you are lucky and not more) diagnosing me. They ruled out Lactose Intolerance, IBS, GERD, UC, Chron’s Disease and Non-Celiac Gluten Sensitivty etc.

Long before the vitamin age of the early 20th century. Smart people figured out Citrus fruits protected us from scurvy and why the British Navy were loving called Limey’s.

Several symptoms are as follows:

•Easy bleeding or bruising

• Fatigue • Frequent infections

• Frequent nosebleeds

• Inflamed and bleeding gums

• Painful, swollen joints

• Poor development of tooth enamel

• Slow healing wounds or bruises • Vasomotor instability

Taken together all very complex symptom’s but had ONE single source of disease –

Vitamin C

Let me say it another way the The Scurvy Syndrome had according the medical dictionary “a combination of symptoms resulting from a single cause or so commonly occurring together as to constitute a distinct clinical picture”

But you can’t compare Scurvy to Celiac Disease.

But you can Pellagra a Vitamin deficiency/dependency which the majority of times presents’ as NCGS/Celiac Disease.

That is too Elegant to theorize/propose/diagnose Vitamins’ (more correctly the lack thereof) as the cause of (Celiac) disease/GI/digestive problem’s?

Vitamins are the very definition of ‘elegant’ a nutrient needed in a minimum amount without which we become sick and develop malaise, disease and syndromes (like Pellagra presenting as Celiac Disease and Scurvy develop and Beriberi etc).

The question is why hasn’t the medical community hit upon this simple and elegant solution or more appropriately does no longer support or encourage the use of vitamins in their patient’s as practitioners of medical science seeking a simple (elegant) cause of why the body is not functioning properly.

As I noted above in the quotation from the introduction to my ebook “How to Fight Gluten and Win” The newly developing field of Functional Medicine doctor’s is the practitioner’s most familiar with the science of vitamins/nutrition.

These are doctors whom have questioned maybe all these messes I found my patient’s health in are not answered by drugs but a Vitamin instead.

Is this not TRUE for all Vitamins?

Remember **** This is not medical advice and should not be considered such. Results may vary. Always consult your doctor before making any changes to your regimen.

2 Timothy 2: 7 “Consider what I say; and the Lord give thee understanding in all things” this included.

I wish us all good luck on finding a solution that works for us all.

posterboy,

And I say this to all those who stumble across the Celiac Posterboy blog may God richly bless your health and your journey to truth whatever it might be.

If Pellagra is the true diagnosis then this will help you praise bee to God!

Celiac Posterboy by the Grace of God,

2 Corinthians (KJV) 1:3,4 3) “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; 4) who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble (starfish), by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.”

2 Timothy 2: 7 “Consider what I say; and the Lord give thee understanding in all things” this included.

Joe “Rock” Pen Name

#celiac #celiac posterboy #celiac poster boy #NCGS #IBS #GERD #gluten #gluten free #heartbrun #heartburn #vitamin #niacin #niacinamide

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