#which of course leads us back to xena always being right

[keyofjetwolf]

These little interludes are a great way to keep both plots moving, and this one is a particularly lovely segue to next flashback, AND the “It’s not about hate, it’s about love” sets us up for the later reveal that Lao Ma is Ming Tien’s mother (and not Xena and Borias as you’re led to believe).

But also it’s fantastic as a way of reinforcing how bad Gabrielle is at truly seeing the Xena of the past. She’s barely scratched the surface and she’s considering noping out. This AFTER Xena’s said that to understand why she has to do this, Gabrielle needs to understand how she got there. Gabby’s insistent on getting answers, but simultaneously she can’t allow for those answers to be this complicated and unpleasant to chew through.

[geshertzarmeod]

Favorite Books of 2020

I wanted to put together a list! I read 74 new books this year, and I keep track of that on Goodreads - feel free to add or follow me if you want to see everything! I’m going to focus on the highlights, and the books that stuck with me personally in one way or another, in approximate order. Also, all but two of them (#5 and #7 on the honorable mention list) are queer/trans in some way. Links are to Goodreads, but if you’re looking to get the books, I suggest your library, the Libby app using your library, your local bookstore, or Bookshop.

The Faggots & Their Friends Between Revolutions by Larry Mitchell, illus. by Ned Asta (originally published 1977). I had a hard beginning of the year and was in a work environment where my queerness was just not welcomed or wanted. I read this in the middle of all of that, and it helped me so much. I took this book with me everywhere. I read it on planes. I read it on the bus, and on trains, and at shul. I showed it to friends... sometimes at shul, or professional development conferences. It healed my soul. Now I can’t find it and might get a new copy. When I reviewed it, in February, I wrote: “I think we all need this book right now, but I really needed this book right now. Wow. This book is magic, and brings back a sense of magic and beauty to my relationship with the world.” Also I bought my copy last July, in a gay bookstore on Castro St. in SF, and that in itself is just beautiful to me. (Here’s a post I made with some excerpts)

Once & Future duology, especially the sequel, Sword in the Stars, by A.R. Capetta and Cory McCarthy. Cis pansexual female King Arthur Ari Helix (she's the 42nd reincarnation and the first female one) in futuristic space with Arab ancestry (but like, from a planet where people from that area of earth migrated to because, futuristic space) works to end Future Evil Amazon.com Space Empire with her found family with a token straight cis man and token white person. Merlin is backwards-aging so he's a gay teenager with a crush and thousands of years of baggage. The book’s entire basis is found family, and it's got King Arthur in space. And the sequel hijacks the original myth and says “fuck you pop culture, it was whitewashed and straightwashed, there were queer and trans people of color and strong women there the whole time.” Which is like, my favorite thing to find in media, and a big part of why I love Xena so much. It’s like revisionist history to make it better except it’s actually probably true in ways. Anyway please read these books but also be prepared for an absolutely absurd and wild ride. Full disclosure though, I didn’t love the first book so much, it’s worth it for the sequel!

The Wicker King by K. Ancrum. This book hurt. It still hurts. But it was so good. It took me on a whole journey, and brought me to my destination just like it intended the whole time. The author’s note at the end made me cry! The sheer NEED from this book, the way the main relationship develops and shifts, and how you PERCEIVE the main relationship develops and shifts. I’m in awe of Ancrum’s writing. If you like your ships feral and needy and desperate and wanting and D/S vibes and lowkey super unhealthy but with the potential, with work, to become healthy and beautiful and right, read this book. This might be another one to check trigger warnings for though.

The Entirety of The Daevabad Trilogy by S.A. Chakraborty. I hadn’t heard of this series until this year, when a good friend recommended it to me. It filled the black hole in me left by Harry Potter. The political and mystical/fantasy world building is just *chef’s kiss* - the complexity! The morally grey, everyone’s-done-awful-things-but-some-people-are-still-trying-to-do-good tapestry! The ROMANCE oh my GOD the romance. If I’m absolutely fully invested in a heterosexual romance you know a book is good, but also this book had background (and then later less background) queer characters! And the DRAMA!!! The third book went in a direction that felt a little out of nowhere but honestly I loved the ride. I stayed up until 6am multiple times reading this series and I’d do it again.

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon. I loved this book so much that it’s the only book I reviewed on my basically abandoned attempt at a book blog. This book is haunting, horrifying, disturbing, dark, but so, so good. The character's voices were so specific and clear, the relationships so clearly affected by circumstance and yet loving in the ways they could be. This is my favorite portrayal of gender maybe ever, it’s just... I don’t even have the words but I saw a post @audible-smiles​ made about it that’s been rattling in my head since. And, “you gender-malcontent. You otherling,” as tender pillow talk??? Be still my heart. Be ready, though, this book has all the triggers.. it’s a .

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender. This book called me out on my perspective on love. Also, it made me cry a lot. And it has two different interesting well-written romance storylines. And a realistic coming-into-identity narrative about a Black trans demiboy. And a nuanced discussion of college plans and what one might do after college. And some big beautiful romcom moments. I wish I had it in high school. I’m so glad I have it now! (trigger warning for transphobia & outing, but the people responsible are held accountable by the end, always treated as not okay by the narrative, and the MC’s friends, and like... this is ownvoices and it’s GOOD.)

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern. My Goodreads review says, “I have no idea what happened, and I loved it.” That’s not wrong, but to delve deeper, this book has an ethereal feeling that you get wrapped up in while reading. Nothing makes sense but that’s just as it should be. You’re hooked. It is so atmospheric, so meta, so fascinating. I’ve seen so many people say they interpreted this character or that part or the ending in all different ways and it all makes sense. And it’s all of this with a gay main character and romance and the central theme, the central pillar being a love of and devotion to stories. Of course I was going to love it.

Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl’s Confabulous Memoir by Kai Cheng Thom. “Because maybe what really matters isn’t whether something is true, or false. Maybe what matters is the story itself; what kinds of doors it opens, what kinds of dreams it brings.” This book was so good and paradigm shifting. It reminded me of #1 on this list in the way it turns real life experience and hard, tragic ones at that (in this case, of being a trans girl of color who leaves home and tries to make a life for herself in the city, with its violence), into a beautiful, haunting fable. Once upon a time.

I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver. I need to reread this book, as I read it during my most tranceful time of 2020 and didn’t write a review, so I forgot a lot. What I do remember is beautiful and important nonbinary representation, a really cute romance, an interesting parental and familial/sibling dynamic that was both heartbreaking and hopeful, and an on-page therapy storyline. Also Mason Deaver just left twitter but was an absolutely hilarious troll on it before leaving and I appreciate that (and they just published a Christmas novella that I have but haven’t read yet!)

The Truth Is by NoNieqa Ramos. It took a long time to trust this book but I’m so glad I did. It’s raw and real and full of grief and trauma (trigger warnings, that I remember, for grief, death (before beginning of book), and gun violence). The protagonist is flawed and gets to grow over the course of the book, and find her own place, and learn from the people around her, while they also learn to understand her and where she’s coming from. It’s got a gritty, harsh, and important portrayal of found family, messy queerness, and some breathtaking quotes. When I was 82% through this book I posted this update: “This book has addressed almost all of my initial hesitations, and managed to complicate itself beautifully.”

Anger is a Gift by Mark Oshiro.  I wasn’t actually in the best mental health place to read this book when I did (didn’t quite understand what it was) but it definitely reminded me of what there is to fight against and to fight for, and broke my heart, and nudged me a bit closer to hope. The naturally diverse cast of characters was one of the best parts of this book. The romance is so sweet and tender and then so painful. This book is important and well-written but read it with caution and trigger warnings - it’s about grief and trauma and racism and police brutality, but also about love and community.

The Prey of Gods by Nicky Drayden.  This is a sci-fi/fantasy/specfic mashup that takes place in near-future South Africa and has world-building myths with gods and demigoddesses and a trip to the world of the dead but also a genetically altered hallucinogenic drug that turns people into giant animals and a robot uprising and a political campaign and a transgender pop star and a m/m couple and all of them are connected. It’s bonkers. Like, so, so absolutely mind-breaking weird. And I loved it.

Crier’s War and Iron Heart by Nina Varela.  I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVED the amount of folktales they told each other with queer romances as integral to those stories, especially in Iron Heart. A conversation between the two leads where Crier says she wants to read Ayla like a book, and Ayla says she’s not a book, and Crier explains all the different ways she wants to know Ayla, like a person, and wants to deserve to know her like a person, made me weak. It lives in my head rent-free.

Queen’s Shadow by E.K. Johnston @ekjohnston . I listened to this book on Libby and then immediately listened to it at least one more time, maybe twice, before my borrow time ran out. I love Padmé, and just always wish that female Star Wars characters got more focus and attention and this book gave me that!! And queer handmaidens! And the implication that Sabé is in love with Padmé and that’s just something that will always be true and she will always be devoted and also will make her own life anyway. And the Star Wars audiobooks being recorded the way they are with background sounds and music means it feels like watching a really long detailed beautiful Star Wars movie just about Padmé and her handmaidens.

Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story by Jacob Tobia. I needed to read this. The way Tobia talks about their experience of gender within the contexts of college, college leadership, and career, hit home. I kept trying to highlight several pages in a row on my kindle so I could go back and read them after it got returned to the library (sadly it didn’t work - it cuts off highlights after a certain number of characters). The way they talk about TOKENISM they way they talk about the responsibilities of the interviewer when an interviewee holds marginalized identities especially when no one else in the room does!!! Ahhhh!!!

Bonds of Brass by Emily Skrutskie. Disclaimer for this one that the author was rightfully criticized for writing a Black main character as a white author (and how the story ended up playing into some fucked up stuff that I can’t really unpack without spoiling). But also, the author has been working to move forward knowing she can’t change the past, has donated her proceeds, and this book is really good? It has all the fanfic tropes, so much delicious tension, a totally unexpected plot twist that had me immediately rereading the book. This book was super fun and also kind of just really really good Star Wars fanfiction.

How To Be a Normal Person by T.J. Klune. This book was so sweet, and cute, and hopeful, and both ridiculous and so real. I had some trouble getting used to Gus’ voice and internal monologue, but I got into it and then loved every bit after. The ace rep is something I’ve never seen like this before (and have barely read any ace books but still this was so fleshed out and well rounded and not just like, ‘they’re obsessed with swords not sex’ - looking at you, Once & Future - and leaving it there.) This all felt like a slice of life and I feel like I learned about people while reading it. Some of the moments are so, so funny, some are vaguely devastating. I have been personally victimized by TJ Klune for how he ends this book (a joke, you will know once you read it) but it also reminds me of the end of the “You Are There” episode of Xena and we all know what the answer to that question was.... and I choose to believe the answer here was similar.

You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson. I wish I had this book when I was in high school. I honestly have complicated feelings about prom and haven’t really been seeking out contemporary YA so I was hesitant to read this but it was so good and so well-written, and had a lot of depth to it. The movie (and Broadway show) “The Prom” wants what this book has.

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth. I never read horror books, so this was a new thing for me. I loved the feeling of this book, the way I felt fully immersed. I loved how entirely queer it was. I was interested in the characters and the relationships, even though we didn’t have a full chance to go super deep into any one person but rather saw the connections between everyone and the way the stories matched up with each other. I just wanted a bit of a more satisfying ending.

Honorable Mention: reread in 2020 but read for the first time pre-2020

Red White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston. I couldn’t make this post without mentioning this book. It got me through this year. I love this book so much; I think of this book all the time. This book made me want to find love for myself. You’ve all heard about it enough but if you haven’t read this book what are you DOING.

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan @sarahreesbrennan​ . I reread this one over and over too, both as text and as an audiobook. I went for walks when I had lost my earbuds and had Elliott screaming about an elf brothel loudly playing and got weird looks from someone walking their dog. I love this book so much. It’s just so fun, and so healing to read a book reminiscent of all the fantasies I read as a kid, but with a bi main character and a deconstruction of patriarchy and making fun of the genre a bit. Also, idiots to lovers is a great trope and it’s definitely in this book.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book is forever so important to me. I am always drawn in by how tenderly Sáenz portrays his characters. These boys. These boys and their parents. I love them. I love them so much. This is another one where I don’t even know what to say. I have more than 30 pages in my tag for this book. I have “arda” set as a keyboard shortcut on my phone and laptop to turn into the full title. This book saved my life.

Last Night I Sang to the Monster by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book hurts to read - it’s a story about trauma, about working through that trauma, healing enough to be ready to hold the worst memories, healing enough to move through the pain and start to make a life. It’s about found family and love and pain and I love it. It’s cathartic. And it’s a little bit quietly queer in a beautiful way, but that’s not the focus. Look up trigger warnings (they kind of are spoilery so I won’t say them here but if you have the potential to be triggered please look them up or ask me before reading)

Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine.  When asked what my all time favorite book is, it’s usually this one. Gail Carson Levine has been doing live readings at 11am since the beginning of the pandemic shut down in the US, and the first book she read was Ella Enchanted. I’ve been slowly reading it to @mssarahpearl and am just so glad still that it has the ability to draw me in and calm me down and feels like home after all this time. This book is about agency. I love it.

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman @chronicintrovert . I’ve had this on my all-time-faves list since I read it a few years ago and ended up rereading it this year before sending a gift copy to a friend, so I could write little notes in it. It felt a little different reading it this time - as I get further away from being a teenager myself, the character voice this book is written in takes a little longer to get used to, but it’s so authentic and earnest and I love it. I absolutely adore this book about platonic love and found family and fandom and mental illness and abuse and ace identity and queerness and self-determination, especially around college and career choices. Ahhh. Thank you Alice Oseman!!!

Leia: Princess of Alderaan by Claudia Gray @claudiagray​ . I have this one on audible and reread it several times this year. I love the fleshing out of Leia’s story before the original trilogy, I love her having had a relationship before Han, and the way it would have affected her perspective. I also am intrigued by the way it analyses the choices the early rebellion had to make... I just, I love all the female focused new Star Wars content and the complexity being brought to the rebellion.

[mejomonster]

knew each other in childhood to lovers is always a trope on thin ice for me because i hate the idea of first love being the only true love when like, often in life luck isn’t perfect and we are messy and might need to move on from messy imperfect relationships in youth and learn to make healthier choices and not settle for ppl mean to us like. generally we are not often lucky enough for our 9 year old, 12 year old, 15 year old crushes to actually care the same way back (or us to even care lol) or anyone be mature enough to care about anyone for 2 decades. like if we get lucky some lifetime best friends, if we get Real lucky maybe first love works out. but i like a lot better in stories when its X times of love and finally cause people found good fits who choose each other actively and it works out. i’ve only seen a few shows where that trope has some rights for me lol (tho if you enjoy the trope have fun cause there’s a lot of i imagine good thorough stories with it) ToT:

Till Death Tear Us Apart: money man sugar daddy was deeply in love with childhood friend. Other friend moved on from friendship that had regular value to him, became a spy, only is interacting again cause rich man is so desperate to reconnect and adores him and the spy mess kind of draws them together. they basically fall in love in real time since its the first time knowing each other As rich shady businessman and teacher/SPY. since they changed a lot. also only really a childhood crush on one side. Also the side couple just brand new met each other so even if i had hated the trope in this, it gave me something else too lol

Guardian: BARELY fits into this category, and only for the same reason as above. I realize i’m ok with the young-first-love trope IF and only if it was one sided and basically is still starting from scratch in the present. Shen Wei fell in love with Zhao Yunlan 10k years ago, presumably his first and only love (does he get a pass since he’s an immortal? no but it does make it a bit more cute). But by the time he meets Zhao Yunlan again, he’s GRIEVED and now he’s a new person basically. He’s suspicious and doesn’t know if this even is his lost love (in which case Kunlun used and lied to him and abandoned him), or if its a stranger with his face (ripping his heart open by reminding him of his lost love). For both of them its a cat and mouse of figuring out who each other are, and for Shen Wei its really falling in love anew with this ‘Zhao Yunlan’ for the first time who just happens to bring up complex emotions about his loss - later its an added benefit this is truly Kunlun. (At least in the show, in the novel I think he knows its always Kunlun? Its just still falling in love with a new incarnation). Also very fun that their story is basically an exploration of always one falling in love for the first time, and one already deeply in love for a while. Which is more like chosen soulmates running into each other in any time and place rather than childhood crush to lovers. Feels more like watching Xena/Gabrielle than a childhood crush to lovers. Only applies on a technicality since Shen Wei is sappy and refused to ever try to love besides Kunlun which... I understand, bro is extreme And went through a lot. Like. In a way yes Shen Wei only ever has one first love. But also for him, the process of falling in love with Zhao Yunlan in the present IS him risking falling in love with a new stranger, so its still kind of second love and all the caution of what being hurt/having lost something in the past leaves with you. And of course Zhao Yunlan has had many failed searches for love (in the book baby .... ;-; .... Zhao Yunlan i’m sorry you have such bad luck finding love ... honey). 

Bromance: thin ice ToT. I love this show a lot but was kinda mad about it when i realized the two leads ran into each other as children because one saved the other’s life. Truly the only thing in the show’s entire writing that wasn’t my jam lol. It would’ve been fine if one had just saved the other, but our romantic lead feels kind of like he just imprinted and always wanted to find the person who saved him. While this is mitigated by our lead wanting him to give up looking, letting him know his rescuer feels repaid, and generally both of them just falling in love in real time as adults. So like, its not that bad. Assuming it doesn’t dwell in their childhoods too much more. I get why they wrote it in - one its a super common trope in these shows, two it gave our romantic lead a reason to be INTENSE about trying to find the childhood identity of our other lead (which needed to be happening for certain angles of this plot that aren’t even romance related). So I get it. This show is definitely also given a pass because its setup is so unique and explores some issues romance shows rarely do regarding identity (I think Bureau of Transformers is one of the only other shows I’ve seen do this much regarding exploration of one’s gender identity). also like a bonus our romantic lead is bi, thank you taiwan. You gave me history 3 trapped and now Bromance, i appreciate more bi guys in media. (Bureau of Transformer also managed to give an explicit bi guy lead despite being a cdrama so again, shout out to one of my fave shows!)

 The Guest: ?!!!! Shockingly this ALSO did “knew each other in childhood” as a trope! It has rights though, because NONE of these kids fell in love at the time! They literally just ran into each other during a big murder disaster, got traumatized, went their separate ways. Then as adults minding their own business by luck happen to run into each other and all get mixed up again with the same monster who was responsible for that awful murder night. More a case of ‘coincidence in childhood.’ So not annoying at all. I get why they did it. Also this show is Not romance, so can’t fall into said trope. Though if you see inherent romance in found family, or like me kind of pick up some priest/psychic vibes, then well the trope is just the slightest touch visible lol. 

Word of Honor: Now, apparently lol??! Again, not that annoying, since based on scenes no one had time to fall in love. It was more a case of both kids getting traumatized by having a moment of calm safety then people died (so kind of the Guest vibes but over a period of days/weeks instead of one really sucky night). at a stretch, it might be slightly like Guardian just because Wen Kexing definitely extends more trust than he normally would due to recognizing familiar Four Seasons Manor fight moves and having fond memories of the place. Then having safe memories of kid Zhou Zishu. Likewise to Shen Wei having so many fond memories of Kunlun’s face he cant help but want to do anything to keep Zhao Yunlan alive even when he’s not sure yet if ZYL would kill him/kill his people/if he’s got malicious intent or not in this life or the past in retrospect. Unlike Shen Wei, neither Wen Kexing or Zhou Zishu fell in love in their younger days. Which is why they’re both so excited and over the moon they click so well with someone (considering Who they are and how hard it is to find someone compatible to that). And how they’re both CLINGING now that they think they’ve found a soulmate, and how bitter they are whenever each other’s actions make choosing to be soulmates harder. Oh you know like Wen Kexing going off the rails - Zhou Zishu like fuck can i really decide to make a life with this time bomb, or Zhou Zishu admitting he’s dying - Wen Kexing like damn even if i get my revenge i might not have my new soulmate long and he wasn’t even gonna tell me. Clearly they fell in love as adults, all the childhood stuff is just ICING on the cake of Wen Kexing’s “he already is who i wanted now you tell me he was also the HONEY in my sucky childhood he was that kid i played with the few days i was safe? god really hates me i have to lose this safety TWICE” and Zhou Zishu like “wow not only did i not manage to protect like i was told, thank fuck he is the ONLY disciple i didn’t get killed, i’m even more greatful i didnt destroy him too fuck me i CANNOT lose him he CANNOT get destroyed not even by himself i have ONE good thing and its him please” just some added nails of angst to add to the pain these bitches were already going through circa ep 13. They’re each others hopes and dreams, and to realize they also might be the only things that SURVIVED of their naive childish hopes and dreams as symbols, just makes it that much more terrifying they could lose each other who are literally the Epitome of Hope for decent lives for themselves. With of course their kids. Who are also intensely tied to their hope for a better life and the ability to be good.

[sierraraeck]

Xena (Pt.1)

Aundreya Chambers

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Summary: Her attempt to fix things leads Aundreya directly to one of her greatest enemies, and to some of her greatest friends. Story nineteen.

Category: Angst, but it’s basically just like Aundreya working a “case.”

Warnings: Cussing. There is a knife fight and someone gets stabbed.

Word Count: 3.5k

A/N: I know this one is a little Aundreya-centric, but we will get back to the whole squad in a moment. Also, if this means something to you, I want you to think Dauntless from Divergent as far as building and overall vibe.

I got a lead.

I was coming up on the end of month five of being on the run, and I finally had what I needed to put the final nail in the coffin. A location and leverage. But I wasn’t going to be able to do it alone.

“Deen?” I confirmed before he could even say anything.

“Alion-”

“Shh!” I hushed. I didn’t want my name on any cellular transcript or recordings. You could never be too sure. “Are they ready?”

“Yes,” he answered without hesitation. I could hear how giddy he sounded when he asked, “Now?”

“Now.”

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

I’d been away from my ring for far too long. They’d been in good hands with Deen, for sure, but I was itching to get back to them. I’d wanted to for so long, but it wouldn’t benefit anyone. If anything, I’d draw attention to us again, and we’d have to go on a temporary hiatus until things cooled down. And that was bad for business. But I guess so was having your leader away, not like that was the primary reason I was returning. Added bonus, maybe.

I showed up to the bookstore I’d come to adore, sneaking in the back door after dark. I moved soundlessly towards the “Employees Only: Storage” door in the back that opened up into a massive storage unit that we used for training. Normally, meetings are held in the back of a club and bar on the other side of town, but I wanted to make sure this was more discreet and unexpected.

The whole room was pitch black, and besides the one emergency light that faintly glowed above the center mat, I couldn’t see anything. I cautiously approached the light which was over 50 feet away, and the moment I landed right under it, the rest of the lights in the warehouse rapidly turned on. I was blinded for a moment but quickly adjusted, scanning the massive room around me. There were multiple stories in the warehouse, but they all opened up to overlook the first floor, where I was currently standing. Lining the walls and all of the walkways on the four stories up were filled with all of the members of my ring. All just standing there, in dead silence, staring at me. And it made me feel right at home.

I spread my arms out wide and did the most dramatic bow I could. When I looked up, I saw a couple faces smiling, and announced, “I’m back.”

Then all 500 or so of them started cheering. They were clapping and hooting and smiling, and I was laughing and basking in the feeling. Deen and his two new right hands approached me, dramatically clapping.

“Well, well, look who it is,” Deen said, shaking his head.

“Aww, did someone get too comfy on my throne?” I playfully sneered.

“I wouldn’t dare. You know I can do the whole ‘leader’ thing-”

“But it’s just not for you,” I finished, “Trust me, I know.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” he arched an eyebrow.

“Speaking as the one coming from prison, I don’t think I’m qualified to judge,” I winked.

“As someone who’s escaped a supermax, I think that gives you more than enough qualification,” he said. He opened his arms and I rolled my eyes with a smile on my face as he pulled me into his infamous bear hug. When he let me go he asked, “You remember Mateo and Niko?”

“The twins?” I asked, looking over at the two of them, “Of course I do!” They were both tall, like 6’4” and they looked like two of the most ethereal people you could imagine. They had rich umber skin, shoulder length corkscrew coils, and brilliant smiles. Nearly everything about them was identical except for their eyes. Niko had almond shaped, black eyes, but Mateo had round eyes, one the same deep brown like his brother, the other a piercing ocean blue. “How could I forget them.”

“Well, they are my new right hands since…” Deen trailed off. Since Corbyn.

“Right, right,” I quickly filled in. They were both a couple years younger than me, 17 at the time they joined. No one knew anything about their background or why they were joining a ring, and they were vastly underestimated. Deen questioned what they could do for us since they weren’t an ‘expert’ in anything, but the first day of training changed that. They were both amazing fighters. They kicked everyone’s ass their age, and the two ages above them. After a week, they were training with everyone at the top, including me. Throughout that time, I got to know the twins very well, and Mateo and I became close. Like, close. He finally kissed me the night I got sent to prison, before everything went down. Of course, I was in there for four years, then came to camp out at the ring once I got out for a little while before going off to the FBI, so we hadn’t really talked about it or revisited it at all. Not like I was going to bring it up. We were great friends before that, and I didn’t really have time to deal with figuring that out.

I extended my hand to Niko, “It’s great to see you both again. How have things been with this guy,” I joked.

Niko accepted my handshake and replied with a smirk, “Oh you know, the usual bullshit. Him pushing us around, doing his dirty work and such.”

“Oh is he now?” I raised an eyebrow at Deen.

“Don’t look at me!” he said, eyes getting wider, “I know I’m a handsome guy, but these two just seem to get more done as the faces of our deals. I still can’t figure out why…”

I snorted, “Yeah, me neither.” Both boys suppressed a smile. I extended my hand out to Mateo, and before I knew it, I was on the ground. Instead of shaking it, he flipped me.

“Damn, okay,” I said, laying on my back and propping myself up on my elbows, “Hello to you, too.”

“You weren’t prepared,” he smirked down at me. Wanna bet?

I hooked my feet around his legs, reached up to grab his arm, and yanked him down to the right side of me. I moved one leg across his body, while the other still hooked the leg closest me, keeping it in place. I reached down with both hands and tugged lightly on that leg. “Snap! I just broke your leg.”

“Oh, sure. I wonder if you still got it in you,” he challenged. In response, I pulled harder, almost to the point of dislocation and he suppressed a wince. I stretched it just a bit farther for my own satisfaction, and he gave me what I wanted: three fast taps on the mat. An eruption of cheers echoed around us, and I almost forgot we still had an audience.

With that ego boost, I held him in that position and wondered, “Anything else you’d like to add?”

“No,” he said, releasing a sigh when I finally let him go. I got up, offing him a hand, which I was surprised he took.

I turned toward the rest of the warehouse and announced, “Thank you all for being here, and an enthusiastic, typical,” I shot Mateo a look, “welcome. We are going to discuss a few final logistics, then present you with the necessities. You are dismissed.” On cue, the lines of people broke up and started moving around. The four of us walked toward a small table in a more secluded corner office.

“Congratulations, brother,” Niko mused as we entered the room, “You’ve waited three years to finally beat her, and you failed.”

“Shut up,” Mateo hissed.

I had to laugh, “You always were one of the most competitive people I’d ever met. Good to see that some things never change. Including which one of us is better,” I winked.

Mateo huffed, “Yeah, and which one of us is still a bitch.”

“Ow, watch it,” I replied, “or maybe I’ll decide to really teach you something.”

“Oh I’m counting on it,” he smirked.

I mirrored the look but got back to business, “So are you all caught up on what’s happening?”

“Yeah, they know,” Deen spoke for the first time in a while, “Of course, they saw you when you came back for a little bit after the first prison break, and I filled them in on your deal with Archer. They know you’ve changed your mind about going through with it, and that Xena and DeLeon are back, and that you plan on killing them, framing Archer, and getting out alive without cuffs on.”

“That’s plan A at least,” I raised my eyebrows. I heard the door to the office push open, and spun around to see who it was.

“So what’s plan B?” a thin girl with long, shiny black hair questioned as she entered the room. I looked over at Deen for an explanation.

“She’s great with strategy and logistical planning,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

“She’s new,” Niko jumped in. I slowly nodded.

She extended her hand to me with an introduction. “Roman.”

“Right,” I shook her hand, with a confused look on my face. I knew her. We’d met. Actually, she, Sydney, and I were very tight a long time ago. Once I took over the gang, she and I had a falling out. It was like she just disappeared, and she hated me for starting the ring and getting careless. She didn’t even check on Sydney’s family when she died. Needless to say, I knew who she was, and she knew who I was, so why wasn’t she acting like it? And last time I checked, she actually wasn’t that good at planning, granted I’d been away for a while, but can things change that drastically?

“There are a variety of things that can go wrong and too many variables, that’s why we are going to have to use as many top people as possible to control some of them,” I started. I didn’t really have time to figure out Roman, either.

“Right, like your team, Z and D, Archer, and the meeting place,” Roman graciously pointed out.

I tried to brush her off, “Exactly. Since I found Xena, I already sent her a message about meeting me, and I told her to come alone, but I’ll need someone to keep watch in case DeLeon shows up.”

“What did you tell her you had?” Deen asked.

“The one thing she can’t resist is information on her grandfather and why things ended the way they did. In my message, I let her know that I’d tell her everything I knew, and give her a letter he left for her that night.”

“Is that true?” Deen questioned.

I shrugged, “Mostly.”

“So what are the specifics?” Roman asked.

“I told her to meet me in the alley next to the old gym where I met her. My plan is to go inside so that there can be at least one or two other people in there for backup in case DeLeon shows up, and another outside for the same reason. I would then need people to track Archer and the members of the BAU and report back to Deen,” I offered.

“No way. I’m going to be there,” Deen insisted.

“No. You’ve been able to handle all of this organizational stuff for so long and you’re good at it. They need someone they trust to report back to, and I need someone I trust to keep track of all of the information,” I gave him a stern look, “That’s you.”

“Okay…” Roman looked deep in thought, “And how is he going to get the information to you? And what if one of our people gets caught by the FBI? I think they’ll be pretty good at recognizing if someone is following them.”

“Well logically-” I was cut off.

“You’re never logical,” Roman stated.

“Oh, so you do remember who I am,” I spat.

“How could I not?” she rushed on, dropping a stack of paper on the table with a thud, “Look, logically that is a terrible idea and never gonna work. Even in theory that doesn’t make sense. There are too many loose ends.”

“When have I ever worked logically? I’ve never worked logically and look how that’s worked out for me?” I thought for a moment and followed with, “Actually, that’s a bad example. What I’m trying to say is that what I’ve done has always gotten me out of situations like this. That’s all that matters, and I trust our people to be able to pull this off. Do you not?” I put both hands on the table and pushed aside a chair in my way with my feet, essentially inviting her to take a seat, and a step back, the legs screeching across the floor.

We stared each other down while the three boys exchanged looks. Mateo put his hands up in a surrender and slowly backed toward the door in a dramatic way. “Well while you two clamor around-”

“Hold up. I do not clamor,” I said with air quotes. Mateo just shrugged. “You do remember I am in charge, right? Like, I’m your leader and boss?”

Mateo stopped in his tracks and gave me a small smile, “Yeah, but, you’re a cool ring leader.”

I deadpanned and then turned to Deen and Niko, who just stood there. Niko acted like he didn’t care and Deen was clearly enjoying himself. “You’re all fired.”

“What? Come on! What did we do?” Mateo tried to act all innocent.

“My reputation of being terrifying and untouchable cannot be tainted by you running around calling me cool!” I let my hands fall to my thighs with a slap.

“Well can’t you be terrifying, untouchable, and cool?” Mateo asked with a sheepish smile. I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed.

I glanced over at Deen, who now had a shit-eating grin across his face. “I mean, you are a cool ring leader.”

The corners of my mouth twitched up slightly as I agreed, “I am pretty cool, aren’t I?” I got collective nods around the room, except for Roman who looked like she’d rather die. “Okay, can we please refocus on the task at hand? And, at least for the next couple days, pretend like you actually are terrifying and untouchable like the rest of the world thinks?”

“Sure, I think we can manage that,” Mateo said, all too giddy as he practically bounced back over to the table. Not a good start.

“Jesus christ. You get together the most dangerous, elite criminals the nation has ever seen and they act like eager teenagers who just discovered porn for the first time. This is why we never get anything done,” I huffed, “Anyways-”

“How did we ever get anything done?” Roman asked, and it was the first time her face looked like it had an emotion besides analysis. Kinda reminded me of Hotch.

“You were less cool,” Mateo chimed in. I eyeballed him. “What, am I wrong?”

“Your face is about to be,” I raised my eyebrows.

For the next two hours, we kept going over variations of the plans and solidifying ways we could get out of them. Actually, it mainly consisted of me throwing out ideas, Roman rejecting them, and Deen and Niko occasionally finding ways to get over minor errors with each. Mateo was blissfully unhelpful as usual. Granted, he was the kinda guy that threw out a dumb idea as a joke, and having it actually be something we could use.

“And then we kill them,” I completed, satisfied with our work.

“Wow, Alionth, you really are brutal. I mean, does every plan have to end with death? Haven’t you ever heard ‘kill em with kindness’?” Mateo sarcastically asked, fluttering his eyes at me.

“Yeah, but just outright killing them is so much faster,” I gave him a wicked smile.

“Remind me why we all missed her again?”

I reached out to whack him over the head, “Remind me why I wanted to come back and work with him?”

“You know you love me.” Mateo flashed me that brilliant smile that crinkled his two different colored eyes. We were lucky that he kept the mood positive, even when he was more of a distraction than anything. But his stupid pretty face, and his identical brother’s, was bringing in more clients than ever, so what’re you gonna do?

“Mateo, I will kick you in the back,” I remarked.

“I always knew you liked it rough,” he jeered. I enjoyed our banter, but I was not going to let him make that comment without repercussions. Plus, I like our ‘physical banter’ as well, if you could even call it that. In one move, I swept him off his feet, flipped him over my hip, and he landed with a thud.

“That I do,” I laughed. I knew it was coming, so I let him pull me back to the ground with his legs tangled in mine. He was hovering over me before I could lock him in place, flipping us back over, so I was on top. I pinned him down and I felt him struggle against me for a moment before relenting. I was strong, don’t get me wrong, but he had at least six inches on me along with a healthy amount of muscle mass. He was stronger, and if he really wanted to, could’ve probably gotten out of my grasp, but he didn’t. He let me pin him. “You’ve gotten better. But I don’t ever want you give up like that again.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he whispered. I realized we were still in a very precarious position, me sitting on top of him with his hands pinned over his head, and I quickly stood up.

“Mateo, you need to stop,” Niko said, sending him a look only they could understand. They passed eyes for a few seconds, an entire indecipherable conversation no one else was privy to happening before Roman cleared her throat. Niko apologized, “Right, yeah.”

We got back to work and finally had a plan fully put together. “This is going to work,” I said, almost astonished. “I think we’ve covered just about everything.”

“I think you’re right,” Roman agreed. Finally.

“I just need you all to remember that you are also protecting them.”

“You keep saying that, but why should we care about them so much?” Mateo asked me. Deen hit him in the arm. “Sorry.” But his voice was anything but apologetic.

“Just do this for me please,” I pleaded, without trying to sound as desperate as I was.

“Yes of course,” Niko nodded. He was always so level-headed and loyal. Never pushed. Or at least not like his brother.

“And while I’m happy that everyone is here, not everyone can be involved in this. It’s delicate and needs to be handled with absolute perfection and I know not everyone is capable of that,” I acknowledged.

“We know,” it was Deen this time.

“And if it comes to it, you are protecting them first,” I proceeded. I held my breath, waiting for a reaction.

Then I got the one I was expecting. “What? We aren’t going to do that!” Mateo sounded betrayed.

As calmly as I could, I looked him straight in the eyes and commanded, “Yes you are.”

“No, no way! You are our leader. All these people need you,” he said, shaking his head.

“And the rest of the country needs them.”

“That doesn’t even make sense. I am not going to go along with this,” Mateo pushed away from the table and headed toward the door. I’d call him childish, but I knew his reaction came from a good place, and I couldn’t be mad at him for that.

I quickly followed, calling, “Yes you are.”

As he opened the door, I slammed it shut again, preventing him from leaving. He grabbed me by both of my shoulders and held me against the door, the knob digging into my back.

His eyes were wide and frenzied when he hissed, “No.”

“Yes,” I bit, venom in my voice. He flinched back slightly, and I reached up, hooking my hand behind his neck. I pulled him to me and whispered in his ear, “Please don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

“Or what?”

“You know what.”

“You wouldn’t,” I felt him shake his head, “Not to me. Not to us.”

“I’m telling you Mateo. I wouldn’t want to. It’d hurt me as much as it’d hurt you, but I would. That’s how important this is to me.” Despite my best efforts, my voice cracked. “I need you … and as a part of this operation.”

I could tell he noticed the emotion in my voice by the way he pulled back, looking me in the eyes, his much softer now. “Okay.”

“Thank you,” I released him from my grip, and he let me off the door. I turned my attention back to the group, “We have to make sure not to underestimate Z and D because there’s two of them and they are dangerous, especially together, so we have to be careful. There are plenty of things that can go wrong, and if we have to, we kill them. No matter what.”

Part 2

Series Taglist (open)

@justanothetfangirl @kris-stuff @blameitonthenight21 @wooya1224 @unded-bride @swiftingday @dezzxmx

[lemonietrinket]

Traditions ||| Prince!Yeosang x Princess!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Fantasy, a bit of angst but a happy ending Warning(s): inferences to death (succession) and natural disaster tragedy  Word Count: 4005 AN: Happy Birthday Yeosang blessed elfin prince. Just thinking about how princely he appears was the only inspiration for this entirely. you can tell i find yeosang beautiful and i will not apologise for that. feminine-presenting Reader Royalty AU

~~~

Wind whistling outside the murky visage of dark stained glass, you made your way through the long corridors to the dining hall. The cold air that nipped at your cheeks was only rebuffed by the delicately carved firebrands that lined the walls, hooded by rouge. 

Even though you wished you had taken Beatrice up on her suggestion that you wear a dress that would match one of your several coats, you couldn’t say you entirely regretted your decision. The way the silver tresses that entwined across your waist was worth the goosebumps beneath long draping sleeves. The amaranthine shine gave you the firm yet free light that reflected in your eyes, gracing all who could see with not only your true colours but also a sight for sore eyes. You’d always suited the soft violet silk, for years having been a private signature that made you feel unique behind closed doors. It did not provide its own form of stability to the people, however, quite like the vermilion did. Knowing that in these times they needed it in every capacity, you garbed yourself in red for the world, while violet remained a treat.

Besides, you knew there was another benefit to the tremors of shiver that ran up your spine and pooled at your exposed shoulders.

Taking the last corner you could finally see the large oak doors that led into the hall in the dim light. They were closed, but a thin sliver of gold broke through their seal, its promise of food inviting you in. However, a few feet away from the corridor’s end, something else stole your attention entirely. A shimmer of auburn in the thick of the night.

Distracted you slowly made your way over to the nearest window, excitement pooling in your chest and fluttering like a bird wishing to be set free.

one pair of small but intricate heels that had been clicking against the rich wood behind you suddenly slowed. Peering back without hesitation, you saw your second lady in waiting’s grin glimmer in the auburn light as she skipped to the nearest window.  Forcing yourself to look beyond the hazy reflection of yourself, you chased the lucrative gold that pierced the night. Your eyes began in the wrong place, too high, where the road began to sink into the distance, but they quickly trailed down to the castle-side, where you spotted, far below, a carriage flickering beside firelight. A warm smile you’d come to know well warmed upon your lips.

“He’s early,” you announced to the air, feeling slightly guilty when the guard stood firmly by the door offered you a startled look

“Who is, Your Royal Highness?” he stuttered, a panicked undertone as he assumed that you’d been talking to him.

You chuckled, feeling relieved as he visibly relaxed, “Why, Graves, my husband of course!” It was clear that he tried to hide the surprise in his expression, not realising that he shared with you.

“I know, absurd right?” you said, sweeping over to the door as he returned your grin at last, before imploring to him in a whisper, “I won’t eat you, Graves, I promise. I’m not like my father.”

“Yes, Your Royal Highness.” He bowed in acknowledgement.

Praying that the interaction would dispel any residing fears, you passed through into the dining hall, tall and imposing. You hadn’t liked it all that much, it was too tall and grand, with chandeliers the size of sleeping quarters and columns whose cracks were filled with molten silver. It was a bit much, especially just for a place to eat, but you knew how much worse it could be. You’d seen your older sister’s, you’d seen the drapes of handwoven silk cast in bright crimson and the intricacies of the hand-carved floorboards, dictating the legends of the early days. As vulgar it was, it was how your father built castles for his kingdom, and it was no wonder that it would be the one you would inherit. 

Ignoring the painted ceiling you ran your eyes along the long mahogany table at the numerous platters dotted across its surface at both ends, lids retaining heat and disguising the beauty inside. You wondered why they always made so much for you when you never ate it anywhere near it all.  The firelight from the large hearth that filled the room with a homely scent of warmth and tranquil danced across the varnished floor, painting it with muffled shades of gold and pink. And there, on the other side of the hall was a shadow that disjointed said light.

Tilting your head up confidently, your fingers interlinking at your waist, you found the man who you had waited for every time, waiting for you.

Having shed his onyx coat and draped it across the back of his chair, you were blessed with just how well suited the deep azure of his kingdom. The satin across his back almost glittered in the light, adorning his neck that craned to let him look off to the left. His shirt was tucked neatly into black leather trousers, that you caught yourself staring at for way too long for the ‘checking for stains’ excuse to run even now (you were pretty sure he hadn’t believed the excuse in the first place anyway, but he hadn’t asked you to stop nor ever brought it up again, and you were pretty sure you’d caught him a few times staring at you so, who were you to complain?) that then slipped into comfortable laced boots. He had to have changed, he couldn’t have possibly worn them outside in such poor weather, and the thought just added to how your heart fluttered—he didn’t have to dress up at all, especially since he would have to go out again tomorrow.

His hand lifting from his hip, he removed his sword in its scabbard and leant it against the wall, before finally turning around.

Even at such a distance you were awestruck. Those gorgeous eyes that stared so knowingly at the world now gazed over at you, leaving you feeling a new shade of vulnerable that had taken a while to get used to, but now you weren’t sure you could live without. As with that vulnerability came his gentleness, the curve of his full lips that uttered sweet things despite his stoic nature, and the touch of his hand that rose to meet yours when you addressed the people. He had confused you at first, worried you the next as neither of you spoke. Now you understood his insecurities and threw any misinformed regrets to the side. Now you could see how his hair seemed to effortlessly curl to frame his face but also to carry a crown. 

His fringe then was mottled with damp, his hat adorning the chair with his coat having had only so much success protecting him from the rain. But he still looked ethereal as he always did, and sounded it too.

“Your Royal Highness,” he greeted as he was taught, a deep bow with his hand pressed to his heart. Even though the awkwardness had subsided between the two of you, you still greeted each other like this, despite what you’d discerned. 

“Your highness,” you returned, unable to hide your wince. Why couldn’t you greet each other like you wished you could? Ignore the rings on your fingers and the arrangements made by family and do it all properly.

He smiled at you and waited for you to take your seat, deep eyes following your every move. You sighed mentally, feeling the small doubts begin to regrow in your mind. Perhaps you’d misjudged entirely and your affections led you to just reach into the dark and cling to the first light that appeared.

Taking your seat, your eyes not leaving his, he at last drew his chair back at the opposite side of the table. You let him get comfortable before removing the closest lid to reveal a huge portion of neatly sliced venison seasoned with a variety of spices and coupled with copious vegetables—half of which you didn’t recognise. It smelt delicious and you took the cutlery into your hands, but with your mind preoccupied with another important matter you didn’t feel like eating at all.

While you ran the sharp edge of your knife across the tender flesh, Yeosang tucked straight in, not that you blamed him. His journey home had been long, sustained mostly on fish that would only remind him of home—that and your cooks being truly something special.

“So, dear husband,” you announced across the long table with a coy smile, timing your words just right so he would have his mouthful when he had to answer you, “how was your trip outside Cresciel’s borders?”

“Hmm...” He noticed the mischief in your lips, opting to take his time mulling your question over as he chewed even slower than before. It was moments like these, where he played along with you and teased in return, that questioned whether doubts should be sown. “It was long, mostly tedious. Earl of Blouze is an utter nightmare.”

“As usual,” you chuckled, the same mix of sympathy and humour bubbling in your chest as when you had found out who he would be travelling with. Yeosang hadn’t found it amusing and had sulked for the rest of the afternoon while the packing began. He looked adorable with a pout on his lips though, and you only cooed at him six times. “And Caillteo?”

He nodded. “Recovering well for how much damage was done. The mines are back up and running again, a good harvest this autumn and they’ll be back on their feet without aid. The people are still on edge but they seem hopeful, and you were right, Caillteoans are tough: they’ve leapt into construction and sharing resources between themselves fairly.”

“That’ll be Xena’s example,” you noted, taking a sip of your drink. Surprised at the sweet kick, you coughed before laughing at yourself, “they’re always leading by example—I’m fine Yeosang, really.”

You spotted the worry in his expression through how it turned blank. He’d explained it to you, bathed in the gold of the afternoon sun that did little to ease his mind. He didn’t want to panic the person in concern anymore than they perhaps already were. That had been the day where you’d run your fingers through his hair, locks smooth as silk and scented of the roses found on the mountainsides. He had softened in your embrace, letting you hold him delicately in the peace of the royal garden, closing his omniscient eyes that were cursed to catch too much. It had proven that just trying to be the stable option for the nation resulted in a chaos of the mind.  You wished he would rely on you more. You were used to it, your sister confided with you her plans to disappear, your mother on the will, your cousins when they visited. You didn’t get the choice in some of those circumstances, but you were willing to take on what Yeosang needed. 

You felt heat flush to your face. Since when had you become so attached to him? This hadn’t been what you had expected to happen at all.

“Yes, they truly are. I listened to their grievances, they were furious at how little respect they had received from Cruter, and extremely thankful for the aid we sent them. It was vital for them to get the waterways up and running again, otherwise it would have flooded the sewage system further and...” he came to an unexpected halt, as if a weight had rolled onto his tongue and forced it still. You placed your knife upon the plate quietly, inclining to listen to what finally followed. 

“Yeosang?” you murmured, though due to the distance you couldn’t be sure he even heard it.

“...Xena was glad to see where my allegiances laid, that seeing me gave them and Caillteoans hope. They wanted me to make it clear to you that their kingdom’s alliances are with you—us—alone.”

“They’ve turned away from your grandfather completely?” You couldn’t hide the surprise that filtered into your voice, but watched him carefully as you spoke in response to it. “He’s turned his most loyal—?”

“It’s what he deserves,” Yeosang interrupted, eyes turned towards his food. He’d paused eating, a cut of meat levied on his fork and he stared it down as if it were Cruter himself, “and I think they know how my father’s reign is going to go.”

He took the bite as if out of spite, digging in thoroughly once again. Meanwhile you were left frowning. “Have they managed to predict Idina too, do you think?” After he didn’t respond, you straightened your posture, worry beginning to sink in. “Yeosang? I don’t rule Cresciel yet, and if the plan falls apart I won’t have much power at all! A-as far as anyone else is aware, my sister is going to inherit the—”

“I don’t know,” he finally replied with the shake of his head, his frown mimicking yours, “that’s all they said.”

With eyes met across the vast mahogany dotted with silver and the firelight, silence seeped into the room, only dispelled momentarily by the crackle of flames. 

Your thoughts gathered in your brain, clustering and talking over one another, interjecting and splitting, producing more and more like a disease.  If others could work it out then it would only be a matter of time before your father would, and that would put both your sister and you in danger. Even being a beacon of calm for the future to the people and surrounding kingdoms wouldn’t be enough to hold your plans together, and if things went truly wrong, not only would you be at huge risk of losing your husband and all the arrangements your marriage made, but there would also be mayhem for the innocents you had subtly promised would be safe.

Your breath came out ragged and you swallowed it to steady. The situation was sticky, but you would pull through. You’d make it work. The King of Caillteo was on your side, and that strengthened what you had. Cruter could hardly have endeared himself to his subjects through his ignorance towards the tragedy—especially since word carried that the angered storm had affected the outer towns upon his Siyanirean borders too. With that in hand and your plan just in the waiting process, it wouldn’t be long before Yeosang was King in his grandfather and father’s stead and the kingdoms were united, working peacefully instead of warring like they always did.

Digging your nails into your palms, you wondered why your nerves wouldn’t simmer down. You’d gone over the plan hundreds of times, and things were moving in your favour—both should have eased the sudden attack of worry. But they didn’t, and you were left with bruise-purple divots in your palms, and quivering fingers. You wanted them to be held still, you didn’t like the sight of them fragile. You wanted to be held, by Yeosang—no other would do, as no one else understood it all. He was the only one who knew the details of the full plan, knew what the pressure was like. But he was on the other end of the table.

It seemed ridiculous that a table and a (comparatively) short distance was holding you back. There were no physical barricades, the grandiose chairs tucked in neatly, the food too cold to even eat and get you to stay. Yet, even though your feet twitched, your body didn’t move to go to his side and ask for comfort, like you’d given to him that golden afternoon before.

“Did you miss anything,” your mouth spoke out of the blue, “while you were gone?”

Had your husband looked up he would have noticed the disjoint between your calm tone and your stony expression. But he didn’t, not yet. 

“Not my ship if that’s what you’re asking,” he retorted, assuming you were teasing him once again. After finishing another bite you stared as his face softened, “Though I guess I missed some company.” When you didn’t speak up, voice trapped in your throat as your brain ticked over what he meant, he continued, “The nights were cold, so I thought I missed the warmth of here. They were also quiet, and so I thought I missed the sounds of here but... the more I thought about it, the more I realised that this castle is just as quiet as the other ones I stayed in, and when I added blankets it made no difference. 

“And then I had to speaks to others and, well... every time I met with the nobles, it felt as if they looked down on me, as if I wasn’t really one of them despite my claim. I knew it shouldn’t surprise me, as my grandfather is, well, my grandfather and no one knows just how poor my father’s health is but... even the people didn’t believe I was the real deal, and they were the nice ones. Others I’m sure couldn’t comprehend I was capable of making a difference at all.”

As he trailed off, with your eyes hazy you countered plainly. “And you wanted me there so they somehow wouldn’t? If I was there they wouldn’t look at you at all.” You would have winced at the harshness of your words, consoled him with an apology and the distraction of food or a change of scenery, but you didn’t. You cursed yourself for being selfish.

Yeosang however didn’t seem to take it to heart, trying to explain clearer. “No I mean... it’s easier to chase the doubts of my own abilities away with you at my side. Because you believe in me.”

After cleaning his plate his pretty eyes flicked up to take you in at last, only to become flecked with worry. “Why aren’t you eating?”

Debating and answer in your head you remained silent, gaze dropping to your lukewarm food without a single chunk missing. Clutching your hands together in your lap in an effort to control the quiver in them, you avoided his stare. “I really mean that much to you?”

Out of your peripheral you caught his nod. “Of course. You’re my closest friend, my rock, I don’t think I could have ever succeeded like this without you.”

You peered up at him at last, to catch the sincerity on his features. The apples of his cheeks had a blushed hue, so did the tips of his ears. But you couldn’t make out the etches upon his lips, or the birthmark adorning the corner of his eye. He was too far away, all because of stupid rules. “Then why are you so far away?” you poised.

There was a heavy silence that seemed to even mottle the crackling in the hearth. Your gaze trailed over to the dancing flames, warm and dynamic like the flushes of first love—like your heart.

“Because I didn’t think you wanted me any closer.”

Your head whipped up to him as soon as his words graced the air and the creak of wood scraping across wood resonated through the floor. Yeosang, with footfalls cautious, was making his way across the dining hall towards you. You straightened your back, mouth agape but with no words to fill the space.

Even though it felt like the journey took hours, he was suddenly at your side, brow creased with concern as he placed one hand tentatively on the back of your chair. 

“Y/N, I...”

“I missed you too.”

Chin tilted up you took in the sight of the man you had married properly. How his jaw curved, how his chest rose and fell as he breathed, how his hair slowly fell out of place to cover his eyes while he peered down at you. Months of past worry trickled through from your subconscious as you remembered the anxieties you’d had about your marriage. You trusted your mother’s decision, but that didn’t mean you didn’t interrogate yourself nightly on whether you could be happy being married to a man you didn’t love romantically, one that you didn’t desire sensually. 

You hadn’t slept the night before the castle doors opened to welcome in your chosen suitor. You’d been informed it was a tough and arduous selection process but you had blanked most of it out. With a stone-set face you had been helped into a dress of your sister’s—flowing scarlet with gold lace at the neck—before adorning your neck with an amethyst necklace despite the advice you were offered. Then you took those wide grand stairs down to where your soon-to-be fiance waited, arm interlinked with your sister’s. She had smiled and said something to you, but you hadn’t paid any attention—this time for a good reason.

After days on end of worrying, you were confronted with a meek young boy who could easily have been mistaken to be years younger than you. Garbed in rich navy, he stood prostrate at his father’s side, his posture displaying confidence as he was instructed while his stare flit upon the engraved ground.  When you had taken the final step and swept across the varnished pearl beneath your feet your families greeted heartily while you stared at the boy who eventually worked up the courage to stare back. ‘He isn’t real’, had been the first thought to flash in your mind. After all he had full cloudy cheeks and wide set dark eyes that made him look as if he was borne of another realm. You wondered if the pink blemish upon his temple was a sign of that: a deity’s way to prove that he was in fact human and not an angel. Eyeing him up and down you had found a body just out of proportion to be considered finished, but you guessed he would grow, and fit his elfin face one day in the future.  Overall, he had washed your worries away and replaced them with a newfound curiosity that you hadn’t mentioned to him before.

Of course, you had been right, he did grow. His shoulders broadened and chest filled out while his cheeks retained the majority of their softness. He grew then to become more open, a smile flourished on his lips and once that happened it was only a matter of time. Regardless, despite all his changes that young boy was still there, still watching carefully, even now.

Yeosang stood at your side quite like he had done all those years ago—back rigid, eyes trailing away from where he wanted to focus them. And it softened your heart, practically turned it to pulp, when he finally spoke in a voice completely different to the boy from your past, “I think I might be falling in love with you.”

You watched as he bit his lip disappointedly, as if he’d admitted something wrong. 

“Me too,” you breathed, dispelling his worry and turning it into a startled expression as you stood with him. Your fingers came up to his collar, straightening it out absentmindedly as you met his eyes properly this time. “Forget the rules, forget the traditions, Sangie?” you suggested in a whisper.

He nodded, a smile rising to his lips so bright that you couldn’t hold yourself back anymore.

Cupping his cheeks in your hands gently, he dipped in to let your lips finally meet, a hum bubbling through your chest in satisfaction. He was finally close to you, and he felt so different from what you’d imagined. His embrace pulling you close he radiated warmth. His lips tasted of the berries that he had drank and his touch was so fluid and soft across the skin of you back. You didn’t mind, you liked how wrong you were. 

Because he kissed you just like the tradition didn’t dictate, and though it had been the arrangements of others that brought your love to you, it was time to do it your way.

~~~

AN: I was going to make yn a duchess bc like princess is overdone and then i got confused and like shite just bc im british doesnt mean i understand the royal family one bit, let alone the hierarchy of titles

so yeah yn is a princess wbk

also this is much longer than the other presents only bc i got carried away i realise i like royal aus and this just wrote itself i promised myself i wouldnt do this with bday presents but oop

any names of the staff at the royal household were randomly generated place names were made using various words put into indifferentlanguages.com +  the word combiner on wordunscrambler.net (so any resemblance to rel places is unintentional)

(also none of yeosang’s relations are based on any of his real family of course, theyre just made up. i imagine yeosang loves his family very much and so this is just creative license)

~~~

Masterlist

[swanqueeneverafter]

Sins of the Past Pt.6

Camelot. Past. Forest. Night. (With the help of Arthur, Morgana and Mordred have successfully escaped the castle grounds. After riding a short distance, they meet the Druids in the woods.) Iseldir: “We are forever indebted to you, Morgana Pendragon, for returning the boy to us.” Morgana: “You must not let it be known that it was I who brought him to you.” Iseldir: “We will tell no one. You have my word.” (The Druids turn to leave.) Morgana: “Wait, please! I need your help. There have been incidents… I fear I may have…“ (Morgana is unable to say the words.) Mordred: (Telepathically to Iseldir:) "She is like us. She holds great power.” Morgana: “Did you hear that? (To Mordred:) How did you do that?” Iseldir: “We don’t always need words to speak to one another.” Mordred: (Looks to Iseldir, who nods. Holds out his hand to Morgana:) “Now I can take care of you, like you did me.” (Taking the boy’s hand, Morgana allows herself to be lead deeper into the woods, towards the Druid’s camp.) Storybrooke. Swan-Mills House. Present. (Emma prepares breakfast in the kitchen when her phone rings.) Emma: (Answering:) “Hey, Lily. What? Seriously? No, of course I’ll cover you. (Disappointed:) Yeah, I’m coming in. Bye. (Hangs up:) Dammit.” Bedroom. (Placing the food-laden tray on the bed, Emma walks over to the bathroom and opens the door.) Emma: (Calling out:) “Gina, I’ve got to go in to work. Lily’s been called to Arendelle.” Regina: (From the shower:) “What?! (Turns off the water:) Today’s your day off.” Emma: “I know, but Lily’s covered plenty for me since the baby and- (Regina pulls back the glass partition to glare at Emma in all her naked, wet glory:) Oh, Jesus.” Regina: “Get Hook to cover you. God knows he likes playing cops and robbers lately.” Emma: (Averting her gaze:) “They can’t find him. Lily thinks he went on some drunken bender with Rumple.” Regina: (Muttering:) “I knew those two becoming best pals would bite me in the ass someday.” Emma: (Glancing at her wife then quickly closing her eyes:) “I’m sorry. (Backing out of the room:) I’ll try to be back as soon as I can.” Regina: (In a softer tone:) “Emma, look at me.” Emma: (Opening one eye slowly:) “Oh, you don’t play fair.” Regina: (Pressing herself up against the glass:) “Are you sure you have to go?” Emma: (Her mouth suddenly extremely dry:) “Yes. (Closing her eyes tightly shut again:) Yes. I’ve got to, I’m sorry. (Emma turns and leaves the bathroom, immediately stubbing her toe on the armoire, which causes the sheriff to hop on one foot. Losing her balance, Emma falls backwards, making just enough contact with the bed before hitting the floor to send the food tray toppling over on top of her:) Great. Just great.”

Storybrooke Free Public Library. (Mulan gently deposits Merida on a makeshift cot at the back of the library.) Belle: "Wouldn’t the hospital be a better place to take her?” Mulan: (Shaking her head:) “You know how delicate the political landscape in Dun Broch is. If anyone gets word that Merida is sick, there’ll be a power struggle.” Belle: “So you brought her here?” Mulan: (Holding up the petal:) “This was in the goblet she drank from. Anhora claims to have no knowledge of how it got there, but I know you’ll have a better idea than Whale of what flower this came from.” Alice: (Feeling Merida’s forehead:) “She’s burning up.” Belle: (Taking the petal from Mulan:) “Fetch Alice some water and a towel.” (Mulan nods and does as she’s told while Belle pulls out a book.) Alice: “Is she going to be alright?” Belle: “I won’t know until I can identify the poison.” Alice: “Her brow’s on fire.” Mulan: (Returning:) “Here. Keep her cool; it’ll help control her fever.” Wonderland. Morning. (Will is asleep against a tree as the sounds of chopping can be heard.) Will: (Jumping awake as a branch lands on him:) “What the bloody hell!” Ella: “Oh good, you’re up.” Will: “What are you doing?” Ella: (Continues practicing her swordplay on a defenseless tree:) “I’m getting ready. I’m a bit rusty.” Will: (As another tree limb goes flying:) “There. Now you’ve gone and hurt the tree. Happy?” Ella: “I’ll be happy once we find my mother. We need to get moving. We’ve been in Wonderland for too long. Our enemies know we’re here.” Will: “Our enemies? Who would they be?” Ella: “Excellent question. (Holds out her hand:) Come on. (Pulls Will to his feet:) I have a plan, Will.” Will: “Of course you do.” Ella: “Our biggest problem is we don’t know where my mother is. She could be trapped somewhere, or captured.” Will: “Look, is there any chance of a coffee? I can’t really think until-” Ella: (Continues:) “But then I realized we don’t need to know where she is.” Will: “Oh, we don’t?” Ella: “Because we know something. Something nobody else does.” Will: “I’m not sure you’re clear on what the word ‘we’ means.” Ella: “Come on, Will. Time to get going.” Storybrooke. Dragon’s Lair. (While Xena sits picking the olives off her pizza, Henry sits talking with Gabrielle about writing.)

Gabrielle: “The best advice I can give you is to write what you know.” Henry: “But that’s just it. I’ve already written everything I know. I was ‘The Author’. I’ve written three storybooks. I even wrote my own happy ending and still…” Gabrielle: (Nods:) “Retirement not turning out to be all it’s cracked up to be huh?” Henry: (Scoffs:) “I’m working more now than I ever have.” Gabrielle: “Some would argue that’s not a bad thing. For the longest time traveling with Xena, all I wanted was for her to find a sense of peace. For us to settle down somewhere and grow old together. But now, since coming to this land where everyone seems to have found their place in the world… I don’t know how to put it into words. It’s like-” Xena: “It’s god-damn irritating is what it is.” Henry: (Turning towards her:) “Thank you! (Xena nods before devouring her pizza:) Everyone around here seems so settled and happy. Meanwhile Ella and I are still struggling. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s great that everyone’s together and at peace but-” Gabrielle: “You feel like you’re playing catch up to everyone else’s happiness?” Henry: “Honestly, sometimes? Yeah.” Wonderland. (Ella and Will travel through the forest. Ella uses her sword to cut through the tree branches as Will follows a short distance behind.) Ella: “Keep up, would you? We’re making good time.” Will: “You’re thinking about what happens if we find her?” Ella: “When. When we find her.” Will: “What if it’s nothing like you thought?” Ella: “Meaning?” Will: “Well I just think to protect yourself, you should consider the possibility that things may be different. You’ve been apart a long time.” Ella: “My mother is waiting for me. She needs me.” Will: “Then why hasn’t she contacted you?” Ella: “The only reason she hasn’t contacted me is because she must be in trouble. That’s why we need to pick up the pace.” Will: “Or she’s moved on.” Ella: “Not a chance. Nothing will get in the way of us being together. (They finally come to the end of the tree line:) Except possibly this. (A large lake sits before them:) I suppose we could swim across.” Will: “No, we can’t.” Ella: “If you’re afraid of dangers lurking beneath the surface, I can handle-” Will: “I can’t swim.” Ella: “How have you lived your whole life and never -” Will: “I was doing other things.” Ella: “Like what?” Will: “Like being afraid of water. When Alice almost drowned in that frozen lake, it was the last time I got anywhere near the water.” Ella: “Fine. We’ll just have to wait for the ferry.” Will: “How do you know about the ferry?” Ella: “Alice told me.” Will: “Hm. Or better idea, we walk around it.” Ella: “Walk around the entire thing? That would take two days at least. We’re taking the ferry.” (Ella walks onto the beach and begins to clap.) Will: (When Ella glares back at him:) “Oh, for…” (Will joins her on the beach and together they begin clapping. In no time at all, Ella spots something in the distance and waves.) Ella: “There she is. Over here, Fairy.” Silvermist: (Landing before them:) “I am the fairy Silvermist. Where may I… I.” Will: “Heya, Silv. (She slaps him:) How’s it going? (She slaps him again:) There it is.” Ella: “I take it you two know each other?”

Silvermist: (To Will:) “Awfully bold of you to show your face in this part of Wonderland. Do you know how many people are looking for you?” Will: “Might be easier to figure out how many aren’t.” Silvermist: “You think you’re funny?” Will: “I think I’m buggered no matter what I say right now.” Ella: “Perhaps you two might continue reminiscing while we make our way across the lake.” Will: (Whispers:) “I think we have to walk.” Silvermist: (Composing herself, to Ella:) “Not at all. I’m happy to take you.” Ella: “The both of us? Are you sure?” Silvermist: “Of course. It’s my job, and I’m a professional. I don’t let feelings get in the way of my work, especially old feelings that I’ve completely moved on from.” Ella: “Okay. Thank you very much.” (Ella nudges Will in the side.) Will: “Yeah, thank you very much.” Ella: “Excellent.” Silvermist: “Don’t worry. You can trust me. I’m here to help.” (Waving her wand and showering them both with fairy dust, Silvermist turns and heads over the water, Will and Ella flying through the sky behind her.) Camelot. Past. Morgana’s Chambers. Day. (Servants clean up the burnt fragments and glass scattered across Morgana’s floor.) Guinevere: “I came back in with some extra blankets. There was a candle, but I put it out.” Uther: “Are you sure?” Guinevere: “I blew it out, I swear.” Uther: “She could’ve been burnt alive.” Arthur: “Lightning struck the castle roof last night, that could’ve started the fire.” Uther: “No, this was no accident.” Arthur: “What other explanation is there, My Lord?” Uther: “Last night my daughter attempted to return the druid boy to his people and this morning I find her window broken and the curtains torched. The answer is simple. The Druids saw Morgana as easy prey. They used their powers to break into the castle, retrieve the boy and take my daughter hostage. (To Arthur:) We’ve long suspected that the Druids are hiding in the forest of Essetir. Take no prisoners. It’s time we rid ourselves of these Druids once and for all.” (Uther leaves. Guinevere starts to protest when Arthur stops her.) Arthur: “Listen to me. You must leave, find Morgana and warn the Druids. I cannot go against Uther’s orders. I’ve done all that I can. It’s now down to you to save them, Guinevere.” Druid Camp, Morgana’s Tent. (The Druid leader Aglain enters.) Aglain: “I trust you slept well?” Morgana: “Better than I’ve done in days.” Aglain: “Here, this might make you feel more at home.” (Aglain hands her a druid cloak.) Forest. (Leading the King’s soldiers, Arthur pursues Morgana’s trail with dogs.) Druid Camp. (Aglain walks with Morgana.) Aglain: “They are surprised to see you here, if not a little afraid. Your father would have us killed.” Morgana: “They have nothing to fear from me. I do not share Uther’s hatred of magic.” Aglain: “No. I imagine you wouldn’t. These forests are dangerous. What brings you so far from Camelot?” Morgana: “I’m searching for answers. I hope the Druids might be able to give them to me.” Aglain: “Come.” (Aglain ushers her into his tent.)

Aglain’s Tent. (Guinevere sneaks into the Druid camp and listens in on Aglain’s conversation with Morgana.) Aglain: “What would you like to know?” Morgana: “Why I can see the future in my dreams. Why I’m able to start fires with my mind.” Aglain: “People who are able to do this are few and far between. You have a gift.” Morgana: “Is it magic?” Aglain: “Of a kind, yes. But it will be many years before you’re able to understand it fully, let alone use it. This isn’t something to be afraid of.” Morgana: “It is if you have Uther as your father. If he found out, lord only knows what he’d do.” Aglain: “He won’t.” Morgana: “But if he did…” Aglain: “We won’t let that happen. You’re safe here. You shouldn’t be scared of Uther. You should pity him.” Morgana: “Pity? Why?” Aglain: “Because he’s a broken man, consumed by fear. His hatred of magic has driven goodness from his heart.” Morgana: “I’ve always been taught that magic is evil, that it corrupts your soul.” Aglain: “Uther told you this. Just because he decrees it, doesn’t make it so. In time you will learn that magic isn’t a dark art that must be shrouded in secrecy. It can be a force for good.” Storybrooke. Present. (Emma pulls into a seemingly abandoned alleyway in a police cruiser. Getting out of the car, she looks around before reaching through the window for the radio.) Emma: "Sheriff Swan calling base, there’s nobody here, are you sure this is the right place.” Regina: (Stepping out from around the corner:) “Oh, I’m sure, Sheriff.” Emma: “Nevermind. (Replaces radio:) We got an anonymous tip there was a ‘street walker’ down this alley. I’m guessing that was you?” Regina: (Smirks:) “You didn’t think there would be an actual street walker in my town, did you, Sheriff?” Emma: “Well, now that you mention it… where’s Maria?” Regina: (Leaning against a chain-link fence:) “I got a call moments after you ran out of the house this morning from Anna of all people. She apologised for messing up our plans and offered to take Maria for a few hours.” Emma: “And you let her?” Regina: “She said I would be doing her a favour. It seems her ice-farming husband needs a little warming up to the idea of having kids of their own.” Emma: “Speaking of warming up. (Stares at Regina:) You look incredible.” Regina: (Smiles:) “Seeing as you were so eager to go to work, I’d thought I’d stop by and make sure you do your job.” Emma: “Do my job? (Regina nods:) Well as far as I know, there’s no law against looking sexy in a public place, Madam Mayor.” Regina: “No? (Running her hands down her sides, slowly draws up the bottom of her dress to reveal her black stocking tops before drawing a familiar pair of red panties down over her thighs and stepping out of them, much to the Sheriff’s delight. Holding them up:) How about now?” Emma: “Is that my underwear?” Regina: “Mmhmm. By my count that’s theft and indecent exposure.” Emma: “Oh I see nothing indecent here and since we’re married, what’s mine is yours anyway.” Regina: “Is that right? Hm, well I guess... (Begins to climb on to the hood of the car:) I’ll just have to get more creative.” Emma: “So you want me to arrest you, is that it?” Regina: (Nods:) “Mmhmm.” (Regina turns her body so that she is now sitting on the hood of the car, allowing Emma to stand between her legs.) Emma: “In that case, you have the right to remain silent. (Regina wraps her legs around her waist:) Although I really wouldn’t object to you screaming just a little bit. (They begin to make out:) Anything you say, (Kiss:) can be held against you.” Regina: “Mm you promise?” (Regina’s hands travel to Emma’s jeans and unbuckles them, lowering them to her knees.) Emma: (Feeling Regina’s hands running over her body:) “Oh God, we can’t do this here. Hold on to me.” Regina: (Now sucking Emma’s neck:) “Not a problem, Sheriff.” (With some difficulty, Emma lifts Regina into her arms and walks, or rather waddles, towards the back of the car. Somehow opening the door, she manages to gently deposit Regina in the back seat and close the door. Pulling up her jeans as she hurries around to the front of the car. Emma gets behind the wheel and turns on the engine.) Emma: “I’ll radio ahead and tell everyone at the station to take an early lunch. (Looking to see Regina perform a few more public indecencies in the back seat:) Good God woman, control yourself! Better let people know to get out of my way. (Flicks on the siren:) We’re coming in hot!”

Storybrooke Free Public Library. (With Ruby having now joined them, Alice & Mulan continue to care for Merida while Belle searches for a cure.) Belle: (Finding something:) “Ah. The petal comes from the Mortaeus flower. It says here that someone poisoned by the Mortaeus can only be saved by a potion made from the leaf of the very same flower. It can only be found in the caves deep beneath the Forest of Balor. The flower grows on the roots of the Mortaeus tree.” Alice: (Pointing to a picture of something:) “That’s not particularly friendly.” Belle: “A Cockatrice. It guards the forest. Its venom is potent. A single drop would mean certain death. Few who have crossed the Mountains of Isgaard in search of the Mortaeus flower have made it back alive.” Mulan: (Intrigued:) “Sounds like fun.” Ruby: “Mulan, it’s too dangerous.” Mulan: (To Belle:) “If I don’t get the antidote, what happens to Merida?” Belle: (Reading:) “The Mortaeus induces a slow and painful death. She may hold out for four, maybe five days, but not for much longer. Eventually she will die.” Mulan: “I won’t fail, I promise you.” Ruby: “Well you’re not going alone no matter what you think. Look what happens when I let you have all the fun.” Mulan: (Smiles, to Belle:) “We’ll find the antidote and bring it back.” Camelot. Past. Forest. (Arthur and the guards reach the woods near the Druid camp and see the smoke from their fires.) Arthur: “Remember the King’s orders! (Hesitantly:) No prisoners!” Druid Camp. Morgana’s Tent. (Guinevere enters.) Morgana: “Guin! What are you doing here?” Guinevere: “I’ve come to take you back to Camelot.” Morgana: “Then I’m afraid you’ve had a wasted journey. I’m never going back.” Guinevere: “I’m sorry, but you have to.” Morgana: “Why? You’re the one who said I should seek out the Druids.” Guinevere: “I never realised what the repercussions would be.” Morgana: “What repercussions?” Guinevere: “The King thinks you’ve been kidnapped. He won’t stop until you’re found. He’s arrested dozens of people. He’s gonna execute them all.” Morgana: “If I return, the same fate awaits me.” Guinevere: “Uther doesn’t need to know about this. I won’t tell a soul.” (Arthur and guards approach the camp.) Morgana: “I’m sorry. I’m never going back. These are my people. They’re like me. I don’t feel so alone here. Do you understand?” Aglain: (Enters:) “Morgana, we must go. Who are you?” Morgana: “I–it’s alright, she’s a friend. What’s wrong?” Aglain: “Arthur and his men are coming. Your friend has led him straight to us.”

(The Druids run, trying to escape Arthur and the guards. Arthur sees Mordred and Aglain helping Morgana run away.) Arthur: “This way!” (Guinevere runs with Mordred, Morgana, and Aglain through a rock valley.) Aglain: “We’ve got to keep moving!” Morgana: “My ankle, I think it’s twisted. It’s too painful!” Guinevere: “I’ll try to create a diversion.” Morgana: “No, Guin, you can’t!” Guinevere: “You carry on! It’s my fault they’re here! Go! Go!” Morgana: “I’ll never forget this.” (Guinevere picks up a large tree branch and uses it to dislodge some precariously positioned rocks, causing a blockage in the path. Pulling up her hood, Guinevere runs.) Arthur: “There!” (Arthur pursues the hooded figure. Guinevere jumps and hides under a protruding rock. Arthur and his men jump right over her. Guinevere runs back. Guards spot Morgana’s party anyway.) Guard: “Over there!” (Morgana slumps to the ground.) Morgana: “I can’t go on.” Aglain: “We’re not leaving you behind.” Morgana: “Please.” (Morgana faints.) Mordred: “They’re coming!” (Aglain is shot with a crossbow. Mordred runs.) Guard: “Arthur! We have the Lady Morgana!” (Mordred runs, but is surrounded by guards. Guinevere stops running and watches Mordred use his powers to throw three guards backwards then run off into the distance.) Storybrooke. Present. Sheriff’s Station. (Anna, with baby Maria in her arms, enters the station.) Anna: “We’re back, Emma. You can call Regina now and tell her you’re coming-” Lily: (Entering the room:) “I think she already knows.” (Directing her attention towards the cells, Lily smirks as Anna gasps and covers the baby’s eyes.) Anna: “-Home.” Emma: (Emerging from a jail cell, sheepishly:) “Hey. Did you guys have any luck?” Lily: (Peeking around Emma to get a look at her cell mate:) “Not as much as you it seems.” Emma: (Standing to block her view:) “I meant did you manage to find a singer for Elsa’s party?” Lily: “Yep, and by mutual agreement, which is rare for us.” Anna: “Not that rare. I mean okay we don’t agree on everything, but neither do me and Elsa and she’s been my sister a lot longer than you have.” Emma: “Not officially.” Lily: “Cool it, Emma.” Regina: (Stepping out of the cell with a handcuff dangling from one wrist:) “We’re glad we could help.” Anna: (Staring at Regina’s bare legs, catches herself:) “Ah, yeah. Well this is yours. (Awkwardly hands Maria to Emma:) And we should be going.” Emma: “Oh no, you guys stay, we’ll go. (Over her shoulder to Regina:) You got everything?” Regina: “And then some. (Smiling to Lily and Anna:) Feel free to call us, anytime.” (With a wave of her hand, Regina poofs herself, Emma and Maria out of the station, leaving a blushing Anna and a very amused Lily in their wake.)

[olderthannetfic]

It’s International Fanworks Day and also the 30th and final post in this series. If you follow my tumblr, you know that my true fandom isn’t buddy cops or Highlander or any of those things. No, my true fandom is...

WANK

No matter which bitchy piece of fujo-course nonsense you’re looking at on tumblr, no matter which debate about WNGWJLEO or women in slash or fanfiction vs. media you're reblogging, your grandma was having that fight in a zine somewhere in 1985 and at Escapade in the 90s.

Here’s a vid review from 2002:

"History Repeating," [...] was an Amanda vid. In-fucking-credible. Who knew? Who knew I could like Amanda? Who knew there were fresh HL clips I hadn't seen a thousand times before in HL vids? (Of course, as someone pointed out, she had her own spin-off.) This rocked--sharp, fast cutting and pretty, pretty shots, with a hot bisexy vibe running through it. And, you know, people like to say that there's all this self-hating misogyny in fans--you know, that women hate shows about women, hate women characters breaking up the OTP, etc. But when you see a femme-centric vid like this bring down the house, you really have to wonder. Is it misogyny, really, or is just that we usually see a bunch of crap representations of women in media and resist them?

So on the theme of There Is Nothing New Under The Sun, here is a selection of past Escapade panels on gender, representation, and problematicness:

1993 - Anti-Feminism in Slash Fandom (Or, how 'it was never this good with a woman' syndrome... where are the women, and why do we care?)

1995 - Why Lesbians Read Slash - (What's the attraction? Why do they care? Why do they write it?)

1996 - Character Bisexuality: Convenient fiction or character trait? (Is this a good compromise between "We're not gay, we just love each other" and "I was gay all along and just faking it with women"? Or is this too easy? Special mention for the stereotypical bisexual villian who's evil, sexy, and can come on to everyone.)

1996 - Female Heroes: Female Empowerment, or male power in women's bodies? (Give a woman a gun and make her really tough. Wow, cool! yes, or no? Are we celebrating women, or are we merely putting breasts on male action heroes? Heroines under discussion may include (but not be limited to) Sara Connor, Ripley, Vasquez, Thelma & Louise.)

1997 - Gender Astigmatism (The Gender Continuum: in what we read, in what we write, and what we are, there is always a connection with a point on the gender continuum. How do our definitions of "feminine" and "masculine" influence our creativity? Where do bisexual characters fit in? (besides there, you dirty-minded person!)

1998 - Xena: Does Girl-Slash Get Us Going? (Xena is the first show with a feminine couple to be really popular. What kind of slash fans are interested? Does gender orientation matter? Or do slash fans love slashy couples regardless of their gender? Can m/m fans be 'converted' to f/f fans?)

1998 - Bastards & the Women Who Love Them (When Methos says, "you live to serve me," any normal '90s woman says, "I don't think so!... or does she? A happy contemplation on the virtues of handsome thugs.)

1998 - Slash: a Continuation of Women's Writing, led by Constance Penley (In case you didn't know, in her recent book NASA/TREK (yes, the slash is intentional), she addressed slash as a continuum of women's writing, combining women's romance, and the male quest romance. Join her for a discussion of slash -- where it was, where it is, where it might be going.)

1998 - The Trauma of Slash Fans in Het Fandoms (Or, what to do when find women doing all that cool, tough-guy stuff you love.)

1999 - Male Slash Fans - Welcome Voice, or Infringement? (Slash is written by women for women — or is it? The Internet has attracted new fans, including the "male slash fan". Who is he? What does he think of what "we" do? Do we care?)

2002 - Femslash (General discussion on female/female slash fiction. If Buffy wanted something cold and hard between her legs, why didn't she just choose silicon?)

2003 - Slash: Feminist political act or really good porn?

2005 - Where have all the lesbians gone? (When some slash lists explicitly state m/m only, where do you go for femslash? Are there any hot femslash couples? Pimp your femslash fandom here, or bemoan the lack of strung female characters in the current conservative social climate.)

2007 - Femslash: The Other Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name (Femslash. It's a work that makes some of our hearts leap for joy and inspires complete and total disinterset—or even dislike and disdain—in others. Where can we find the good stuff? What makes it good? And what's up with the haters?)

2007 - SGA: The Women of Atlantis (What do we like about how the women of SGA are written and portrayed, and what makes us wince? What do we think about how their issues are being woven into the show's narrative?)

2008 - Gay is Not Slash (...even though slash is sometimes gay. The current argument about m/m romances by women as taking recognition *away* from male gay writers, depends on m/m writing being intended as gay lit. And slash, for one, isn't, even if there can be overlap. What overlaps? What doesn't? What examples do fans like?

2009 - Female Character Stories: Halfamoon, Full Moon or Just Moony (F/f slash, and other stories centered on female characters, are gaining visibility in fandom. Are there things fens will write about women that we won't about men? (Given MPreg, *are* there?) Should f/f be like m/m, or is it unavoidably different?)

2011 - My ***** is Not Ideologically Driven, But is it Homophobic (Slash fandom often sees itself as a mostly liberal community. IDIC, right? But recently there's been a slash backlash: it's anti-feminist, a 'symptom' of internalized misogyny. We're 'erasing' the women characters after all. Is slash homophobic? Does slash fandom appropriate gay culture? Is it awesome and ennobling as it makes us happy in our panties, or is all that self-hatred bubbling just beneath the surface of our porn?)

2012 - Natural Woman (We've lamented the lack of strong, believable female characters (who dress appropriately). But now we have them: Gemma Teller and Audrey Parker; Salt and Haywire; we've got Bechdel-passing women who look like they can throw a punch. Still, most of them are in the sci-fi or action genre, so are we really seeing progress? And what are we doing with them, as fans?)

2012 - Don't Call It a Bromance (It's Just Canon) (TPTB are increasingly aware of slash, and bromance is regular fare on TV canon these days. Does overt bromance make the fic and art hotter or just vanilla? Is there an anti-slash backlash in our shows? Is the emphasis on men's relationships making women disappear? Inquiring minds want to know. If you have answers, theories, or just want to squee, join in the fun!)

2014 - (The End of?) Ladybashing in Slashfic (Slashfic used to regularly feature bashing of female characters. Now, blatant bashing seems less fashionable. If you recognize this trend, let's talk! Were most ladybashing fics ones for juggernaut pairings in megafandoms, or were they everywhere? What's causing the change: more women in leading roles/ensemble casts, fic writers being more conscious to avoid bashing ladies even if they're not their favorites, more willingness to blame show writers' bad writing (instead of the character being just bad/evil/stupid) for bad female characters, or something else entirely?)

2015 - Fifty Shades of Fandom (Fifty Shades of Grey has become the representation of fan fiction in mainstream culture. It’s bad fan fiction, and it’s being used to ridicule women while making millions off women readers and viewers. Can we connect with these women: proto-fans who would love to read, and maybe write, great fan fiction if they found it? Can we use the FSoG phenomenon to expand our community? Does keeping our doors closed and our mouths shut perpetuate both monetization of our fan culture and misogynist scorn?)

2016 - Who Are We? (How do we define ourselves in this age of so many OT3s and team orgy pairings? Does m/m/f count as "slash"? Is slash-only space slipping away? (And would that be bad?) Do m/m and f/f belong together more than they do with m/f? Is "Media Fandom" a valid term any longer? Who are we if we start shipping het?)

2016 - Ladies Loving Ladies. (There would seem to be enough queer women in fandom to write/want more f/f. Do lesbians write f/f, m/m? Both? Do straight women? Or are we still missing the iconic female characters and relationships that create a great slash fandom? Did they figure out the answer to this question at TGIF/F and if so, what is it?)

2016 - By Us For Us (Fic, even kinky slash, is practically mainstream these days. The ebook revolution puts publishing within reach of almost anyone. Sundance hits have been filmed on iPhones. So why aren't fangirls making more media? Or is it happening right under our noses? Is this a place where our women's gift economy does our community a disservice? Discuss what's out there, what we'd like to see, and what's holding us back.)

2017 - LGBTQIA+ in Slash Fandom (Queer fans have always been here. In a subculture often defined as "for" straight women, what do we as fans have to say about non-straight, non-cis, and non-conventional sexuality and gender in fanfiction, in fandom, and in the larger culture?)

2018 - Confronting the Tensions Between Slash and Queer Representation (Slash fandom thrives on homoerotic subtext. Many queer fans are unwilling to settle for this quasi-representation. Part of every slash fandom seems loudly invested in their ship becoming canon. Some are queer fans who want actual textual representation in their favorite shows, and some are fans using queer politics to fight ship wars. Then the “slash is not activism” posts make the rounds. Is slash activism? Is advocating for slash ships in canon the same thing as advocating for queer representation?)

2018 - Representing Slashers (What does "representation" in the media mean to us? We know what more gay or POC representation means, but what about slash fandom, which is largely female and focused on bodies that don't resemble our own? Would better female characters in media better represent us? Or male characters written for a female audience? Come talk about the intersection of slash, personal identity, and media representation.)

2018 - Anonymity in Slash Fandom: Choosing to Hide (Why do the majority of slash fans hide their hobby? Is it fear of blackmail? Embarrassment? Fear of losing employment? How does this affect your happiness? How does this affect your security? What would an ideal world look like? Who would/have you told about your interest in slash? Who would you never, ever, tell?)

2019 - Fandom Post-Slash? (In an era of "ships" and #pairing #tags on Tumblr and AO3, has the "slash" label lost its meaning? Same-gender pairings are as popular as ever and fans still ID pairings with a virgule between the names, but how many fans still call m/m and f/f slash or femslash? How many fans identify as "slashers?" Het and slash were opposing binaries which few fans crossed. Are these barriers breaking down? What purpose has the term "slash" served? Has fandom moved

past it and, if so, what does that mean?)

[kinsbin]

Cooking Lessons [SI/Canon - Platonic/Familial]

Title: Cooking Lessons Pairing: Xena[Batmom]/Damien Wayne [Platonic/Familial Self Insert/Canon] Rating: G Word Count: 1865

Summary: Damien and Xena have a relationship of mutual respect, and that’s usually about as good as it gets. A bonding moment between the two of them, however, leads to some surprising confessions from the youngest of the Bat Family. 

A/N: So anyways Damien Wayne is my son and this is literally just a pice where he calls me mom for the first tIME

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

The night at the Wayne Manor was quiet, the only sound a soft echo of a television set having been left on in a room somewhere further in the darkened halls of the ever-expanding home. Xena leaned on the granite counter of the kitchen island and took a long sip of her whiskey, exhaling through her nose as she tapped the edge of the fine crystal tumbler she had placed the beverage in. Bruce Wayne’s grandiose manor never failed to amaze her, no matter how long she had found herself a resident among its halls. 

Bruce was out on business. By business, of course, it was Batman stuff, as it always seemed to be this late into the night. The mission was a small one apparently, nothing he and Jason (with Dick as backup) could’t handle on their own. That left herself, Tim, and Damien to spend time in the manor together. The thought of being left alone with the two boys left Xena uneasy for most the night, causing her to seek solace in a small drink alone as the boys spared down in the batcave, as their normal routine seemed to place them into doing.

The boys had been suspicious of her, as they had a right to be. With their father’s history in women, to be regarded with such sharpness was nothing unexpected that was for certain. It was Dick who accepted her first, followed swiftly by Jason and then, lastly, by Tim. The three elder members of the bat family seemed to find her well suited to Bruce and sweet enough that they let their guard down around her long enough to confess that they appreciated the change she had made in the older man’s life. Xena could only smile with appreciation at the generosity they gave her when it came to the so called ‘power’ she had over Bruce Wayne.

But then, oh, but then... there was Damien. 

Considering what history she could gather from Bruce and the others, it was no surprise he was taking the longest. She didn’t feel like it was right to rush him in his ‘acceptance’ of her either, if she could call it that. It had gone from him detesting her to, at best now, tolerating her existence and behaving neatly around her when Bruce was in the same room. Alone was even more awkward, sure, but he maintained cordiality. 

Though he was young he was smart. Xena never felt the urge to look down at him when they talked, her words flowing natural as they would with any adult conversation. It was in one of those conversations, something about the development of multi-media industries and their basis on socioeconomic culture amongst Gotham elitists, that he had actually referred to her by her name and not simply ‘Miss Imperial’ or ‘woman’. The words were shocking enough to nearly send her fumbling with her statements as she tried ot hide a smile, which in turn brought a blush of annoyance to Damien’s cheeks.

It was small, she supposed, but it was progress. It was what she was grateful for.

Xena wondered now, though, if the situation in the night was going to be too much for them both. There was a mutual understanding now of treading carefully among one another, taking time to plan out situations and discussions as they met. Bruce insisted she didn’t have to be so careful with Damien, but Xena argued that it wasn’t ‘careful’ so much as it was ‘respectful’. She had known the annoyance of being a child and not being taken seriously by adults. She had seen the resulting trauma that could grow from such behaviors and vowed never to treat a child like something so delicate and breakable, or like a pet to be trained. They were human. Damien was human.

A very tiny, sometimes intimidating human.

Footsteps brought her from her thoughts and she could feel her back tense at the sight of the very boy she had been thinking of. 

Damien froze in the kitchen doorway as well, his eyes wide as he watched her back. Neither had been prepared to run into one another in the kitchen, clearly, and the suddenness of their proximity created an air about the both of them that wasn’t necessarily awkward as it was unsure. New and distinct in its presence as they were given time with one another and no on else.

It was... different.

“Hey,” Xena finally piped after another slow sip of her drink, “Did you and Tim wrap up training?”

“Yes,” Came Damien’s curt reply as he walked further into the kitchen, “I was just going to get something to eat before retiring for the evening.”

She smiled despite herself, his proper demeanor never ceasing to fascinate her as she put her beverage down and sighed, stretching a little.

“I can make you something.” She offered.

“I couldn’t ask you to do that, Miss Xena.”

“It’s no trouble,” She smiled, “I was about to make some food for myself anyways. No reason I can’t make a little extra. Chicken and rice sound okay to you?”

There was a hesitance in his form before slowly, surely, he gave a nod of approval. With a smile back at him, Xena turned to the kitchen to begin preparing the food she had planned on making anyways, taking out fresh jasmine rice alongside some herbs and digging through the kitchen for broccoli and chicken with a hum to her lips. As she gathered and prepared the food that was soon laid before her, Damien found himself sitting comfortably upon the bar stool of the island, leaning his chin in the palm of a hand as he watched the woman work in silence.

“Why are you so happy?” His question was sharp, even though it didn’t mean to be, but Xena was unphased.

“I like cooking. I’ve always have a bit more fun doing it for others.”

“It’s tedious.Having servants to do it for me was far more useful.”

“Which is why you don’t know how to cook anything.”

“I can cook!”

“Cereal and toasting things don’t count.”

Damien blushed and looked away with a frustrated huff and Xena laughed as she chopped up the chicken and set out pots to start boiling water for both the rice and broccoli, dipping the chicken in seasonings as the bite sized chunks formed on the plate before her. 

Xena finished chopping and set a few different food items aside as she looked over at Damien with a tilt of her head and a thoughtful pause. It ended as she finally spoke with a curious hesitance in her tone that made Damien perk upwards to listen to her more:

“Would you like to learn how to cook this? I can show you now.”

There was a long, thoughtful pause and, for a moment, Xena was afraid she had overstepped their boundaries. Her pushing may have been the sharp wedge that removed them both from their once comfortable spot in respecting one another. Perhaps she had put the relationship of her and the youngest wayne family member in jeopardy?  Her heart beat loud in her ears as she tried to swallow casually.

“... Very well, show me.”

When Damien spoke those words she couldn’t help the sight of relief alongside the twitch of a smile against her mouth as she gave a nod.

“Go wash your hands first before you touch any food.”

“My hands are perfectly-”

“Damien.”

“Okay, okay I’m going!”

---

Damien wasn’t as patient with cooking as he was with other things. He grew frustrated when he couldn’t cut the broccoli pieces evenly enough and nearly threw the knife across the room when a splash of boiling water hit his hand as he dumped half of the rice down in one swift movement. Xena could only stifle her laughs at his struggles and talk him through each movement with patience as she showed him the proper way to hold a knife and helped run his hand under cold water until the burning of the previous boil had ceased.

By the end of it, though, they had a meal. A real meal that looked edible and carefully crafted: piles of rice topped with broccoli and chunks of chicken, sprinkled with soy sauce and sesame seeds for added flavor. The dishes steamed with an enticing array of smells to them that had both members of the chef team drooling with anticipation.

“Now for the best part,” Xena grinned at Damien as she handed him a fork, “Eating what you make.”

Damien stared down at his food, wincing curiously at it before slowly bringing a portion to his mouth. He chewed with a careful cadence, judging both the meal and himself in the singular bite he had taken from it. Xena watched as she scooped a bite into her spoon and chewed carefully, her eyes widening and her smile spreading across her lips in delight as she chewed with renewed vigor. 

“It’s edible.” Damien observed in near disbelief in himself.

“Edible? It’s delicious!” Xena beamed with excitement, “You did really well Damien! I’m so proud of you!”

The words fell from her lips with delight and genuine pride. So much so that Damien felt a sense of his own pride welling deep in his chest. It bubbled fitfully under the surface as he bit back a smile through another bite of the food he made with her help. 

His words, though, fell without a filter. They fell without his permission:

“Thank-you, Mother.”

The silence now was thick as Xena stopped mid-bite of her food and stared down at the boy to her side with shock in her eyes. Damien, in return, felt his own eyes widen and a bright red streak of embarrassment coat his face in a vehement shade. He choked on what rice he did manage to keep in his mouth as he leaned forward and coughed.

Xena’s hand touched him hesitantly, rubbing his back to ease the rice out of his mouth. Damien’s shoulders tensed at the feeling and he sat up shortly after he stopped coughing. Grabbing his food, he made any and all effort to run from the kitchen. Xena watched him speed off with surprise.

“Damien, w-wait!” She called, reaching out for him, but by the time she stuttered out his name he was gone. Swiftly returning to his room and hiding away as the words of his mistakes echoed in the halls he ran through. 

He had... called her mother.

It was unintentional but so, so genuine that Xena felt her heart rise with an ecstatic delight that likes of which she had never felt before. Her lips curled into an excited smile as she rolled on the balls of her feet and tried not to giggle in delight as she sat on the bar stool Damien was previously occupying and ate the rest of her meal.

She would talk with him about it later. The poor boy, without a doubt, had a lot to think about in that moment.

All she could think about was how she couldn’t wait to tell Bruce when he got home. 

[idairsauthor]

Women On Fire reviews Once Upon A Time

So we have started watching Once Upon a Time and are midway through Season 2. PJ is very into it. It’s a bit weird for me for a specific reason: Because OUAT and WOF both use a lot of fairy tale/fantasy tropes, some things that I think of as very specifically WOF things show up sort of prominently in OUAT and...that’s weird. So when I watch it, I can’t help thinking about how this show would play with the WOF crowd. Behind the cut tag, some of them will be discussing their reactions. It’ll involve spoilers for seasons 1-2 of OUAT and basically all of WOF.

PLAIDDER: All right, so, for the sake of any readers who may remember this show well enough to care where we are with it, we’re about midway through Season 2. Emma and Snow have returned from the Bad Place, and Cora has followed them and has just faked Regina killing Archie, causing Emma et al. to turn on the partially-redeemed Regina, while actually keeping Archie captive on Hook’s invisible pirate ship. OK?

AINE: I suppose WOF’s plot would also sound pretty stupid if you had to summarize it in one paragraph. 

THEAMH: I don’t think it would sound THAT stupid.

PLAIDDER: ANYWAY! I just wanted to get your reactions to some of the...you know...correspondences.

THEAMH: Oh, you mean the whole reuniting the separated lovers thing? You know, “We will always find each other!”

ISTRIA: “But will we always lose each other? Is that our fate?”

PLAIDDER: To be honest I do kind of think that given that the show runs for seven seasons, it pretty much is gonna be their fate. The whole ‘waking the pseudo-dead beloved with true love’s kiss’ has already been done so many damn times and yet I fear it will happen with increasing frequency as we--

THEAMH: I’m sorry, you do not have a leg to stand on there. Istri, how many times have we--

ISTRIA: So let’s see...you lose me, you find me, you get taken prisoner, I find you. That’s all just up to Greenhaven. Then you get arrested by those traitors at Lythril’s old castle--

THEAMH: You lose me--

ISTRIA: Trial at Mypril--

THEAMH: You find me. Giant arani fight at Amranth--

ISTRIA: You lose me, you find me. 

THEAMH: I think that’s the last time. So that’s...

ISTRIA: No, no, we’re forgetting about “Homeswept.”

THEAMH: Oh FNAA. Idair’s HAIRPINS. Well I mean can you blame me?

ISTRIA: I cannot.

THEAMH: Yes. You lose me, I lose you, we manage to more or less find each other--

PLAIDDER: All right. Yes. I am a sucker for a good reunion. I mean as much as I bitch about it I actually sort of can watch that story line a fair few times before I get tired of it. It’s nice how reciprocal it is with Charming and Snow. 

THEAMH: Yes, that IS nice. Can I just ask though...why do all the men look the same?

ISTRIA: They don’t all look the same. There are two kinds. The blonde kind is a prince and the dark-haired kind is a dark user’s familiar.

PLAIDDER: Yes, I will say they made the Maerin figure a lot more interesting on OUAT. I actually kind of like both of them, which is strange, because I fucking HATE Maerin.

LYTHRIL: So do I.

PLAIDDER: Yes. Well, Lythril, since you’re here--

LYTHRIL: The reason you can...attach yourself...to Graham and Hook is that their dark users haven’t properly broken them. The bond is in the playful stage, where both partners are capable of enjoying each other. 

PLAIDDER: And...did you and Maerin have...a playful stage?

LYTHRIL: Of course.

PLAIDDER: I’m really glad I didn’t have to write that.

LYTHRIL: It was brief.

PLAIDDER: Well, as long as you’re here...I mean what’s it like for you watching Regina? 

THEAMH: Are you sure these people haven’t been reading your--

PLAIDDER: Yes, I’m sure. I’m very sure. Look, I saw Snow White just like everyone else and the evil Queen freaked me out just like everyone else and Lythril does kind of have the evil Queen’s vibe and that’s the transmission pattern. The film Snow White is the common source. WOF and OUAT aren’t borrowing from each other. I never watched the show while I was writing WOF, and I am 100% certain that nobody on the WOF distribution list ended up writing for a nighttime drama on ABC.

AINE: How can you be sure?

PLAIDDER: Look, I asked Lythril a question--

LYTHRIL: And because it will amuse me, I’m going to answer it: I find watching Regina EXTREMELY frustrating. 

PLAIDDER: Why?

LYTHRIL: It’s a very long list. 

PLAIDDER: Could we have the condensed version?

LYTHRIL: She doesn’t have the commitment. She doesn’t love the work. She doesn’t LIKE being evil.  

PLAIDDER: Oh, I think she does like it.

LYTHRIL: No. It looks that way at first, but then they give her this...

PLAIDDER: Backstory.

LYTHRIL: That simpering little girl with her stableboy lover--that was PAINFUL. There is NO way that girl grows up to be the most powerful dark user in the kingdom. 

TARIC: If I could--

PLAIDDER: Yes, of course, Taric.

TARIC: I don’t think I realized before that I was a...trope?

PLAIDDER: Yes, I did try to keep that from you. I’m sorry--

TARIC: Is that why I’m...you know...simple?

KEANRIH: Oh Taric. You’re not simple. You’re very complex. 

TARIC: No, I mean...not very smart, and not good with words, and generally...not really very interesting.

KEANRIH: Don’t SAY those things about yourself!

PLAIDDER: All right, look, there is this whole thing with girls and horses and even though I never had a horse I did sort of become fascinated with horses for a while and yes, you two were a trope, but so are Theamh and Istria. I mean there were people back in the day who categorized WOF as a Xena a/u. 

AINE: WHAT?!

THEAMH: Aine, just calm--

AINE: THERE IS NO SUBTEXT. THERE WAS NEVER ANY SUBTEXT. WE DISCUSSED THIS EXPLICITLY--

PLAIDDER: Aine, you cannot do anything about what people do with your story. You write, they read, what happens next is up to the gods. My point is: yes, Taric, you are a cheesy romance trope, I am very sorry, but I did do my best to give you the same kind of character depth that I gave everyone else, which is something that definitely DOES NOT happen with Daniel. So you are both the same trope but Daniel is a lot more...trope-y...than you are.

KEANRIH: Also I would never have turned you into a zombie.

TARIC: Thank you.

PLAIDDER: Look, speaking of zombies staggering around heartless, can we get back to Lythril’s take on--

LYTHRIL: Despite all the other fnaa you’ve pulled on me I feel almost moved to thank you for never giving me a backstory...if THIS is what it looks like.

PLAIDDER: Well...to some extent it inevitably does, because nobody’s just born evil. 

LYTHRIL: No, but not everyone has evil thrust upon them. Some of us chose it.

PLAIDDER: Well, Rumplestiltskin--

LYTHRIL: Do not SPEAK TO ME about that BLASPHEMY.

PLAIDDER: Well I don’t think they mean the same thing that you mean when they say “Dark One”--

AINE: Are you SURE they haven’t read your books?

PLAIDDER: YES I AM SURE!

LYTHRIL: She wants to be redeemed? She wants to be a better mother? WHY? Why does she want to be a mother at all? I didn’t want that for a steaming hot second.

PLAIDDER: Oh, you are obsessed with fertility. OBSESSED.

LYTHRIL: Dark magic and maternity are profoundly incompatible.

RENNA: My gleacha they are.

LYTHRIL: Your entire *existence* proves my point. Take Regina out of the Enchanted Forest and she turns into YOU. An idiot who would choose some child over magic and power. I hate Storybrooke Regina. Always weak, and incompetent, and--

RENNA: I was strong enough to kill YOU.

LYTHRIL: You had help.

PLAIDDER: I actually don’t hate Storybrooke Regina’s redemption arc. I mean I don’t know how it’s going to end, but--

ISTRIA: You call that a redemption arc?

PLAIDDER: Oh dear. 

ISTRIA: She doesn’t understand the FIRST DAMN THING about redemption. 

THEAMH: She yells at the screen a LOT when Regina’s on it.

ISTRIA: You’re all hurt when people don’t want to invite you to their parties. Of course they don’t! You ruined all of their lives! And except *sometimes* regarding Henry, you have done NOTHING to live it down!

THEAMH: Like that.

ISTRIA: Redemption is not about getting people to like you. It’s about taking responsibility for the harm you’ve done and trying to undo it. Whether people *like* you again is irrelevant. It’s not about you and what you want any more, that’s the point.

PLAIDDER: Listen, this cannot go on forever, and I don’t want to quit without talking about the hearts thing.

LYTHRIL: Yes. The hearts thing.

AINE: I just don’t see how you can be ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that nobody who writes for that show has--

PLAIDDER: For the love of Pete, Aine, in the story of Snow White the evil Queen says she wants the huntsman to rip out Snow White’s heart and liver and bring them back to her and that is where ALL of these chest-punching heart-ripping evil women in black came from.

LYTHRIL: It’s HILARIOUS. Nobody needs THAT many hearts.

PLAIDDER: Well I think she uses these hearts for different purposes than--

LYTHRIL: Every time I watch her or Cora do that I have to pause it because I’m laughing so hard. Where’s the blood? Where are the screams? Where are the broken ribs and the--

THEAMH: Could you not--

LYTHRIL: And this glowing red Lucite thing that comes out--

ISTRIA: I know!

LYTHRIL: That’s not a heart. I don’t know what that is but it’s not...hearts are bloody, they’re warm, they pulse, they’re--

THEAMH: They’re messy. Really, really--

LYTHRIL: That’s the whole POINT of a heart, that’s why people miss them in the first place.  

THEAMH: Yeah, they’re like...that’s where the whole soul/body thing happens, at least if you’re heart seated, and it matters that it’s all squishy and misshapen and--

LYTHRIL: They’re flesh. Hearts are flesh. They’re meat. That’s the point of hearts.

THEAMH: ExACTly!

[high-five begins]

ISTRIA: HEY! Are you both INSANE?

[high-five aborted]

PLAIDDER: Can I at least get your thoughts on Regina’s fashion sense?

[Everybody laughs]

AINE: Who is MAKING all those gowns for her? Who is doing her hair? Where does she get the materials?

PLAIDDER: And why does she lead with her cleavage, even in battle?

LYTHRIL: Oh come on. I have seen your illustrations.

PLAIDDER: What? They’re nothing like--

LYTHRIL: Shriias, back me up here: does she or does she not have me doing everything tits out?

THEAMH: I do have to admit--

PLAIDDER: No! Your outfits are--

LYTHRIL: Very tight. 

PLAIDDER: Well sure but--

THEAMH: At least she’s never drawn you naked.

PLAIDDER: LOOK.

LYTHRIL: I don’t mind. Sincerely, I do not mind being the sexiest woman in this universe--

[confused and vehement shouts of protest from all assembled]

PLAIDDER: All right all RIGHT! There will be NO MORE discussion of costuming! Or hearts! Or competitive sexiness!

CHANDRA: Are we not even going to TALK about Mulan?

PLAIDDER: And another country is heard from.

CHANDRA: You know I heard there was going to be queer-baiting in this show and all through season one I was like, where is it? All the men seem very very straight to me.And then Mulan and Aurora show up and it’s like, oh, I see it now.

PLAIDDER: Yes. Well...

CHANDRA: “I promised Prince Phillip I would protect you and I will fight both of these other hot women to do it!”

PLAIDDER: All right, point--

CHANDRA: Mulan literally holds Aurora’s heart in her hands and actually PUTS IT BACK IN HER CHEST--

PLAIDDER: Sure--

CHANDRA: I mean even those two over there never got THAT close. And then the NEXT THURKING LINE: “Let’s go see if we can bring my useless dead boyfriend back to life!”

PLAIDDER: I did notice--

CHANDRA: You’ve got this intense, smoldering woman in armor staring at you with love beaming out of her eyes and--I mean if you’ve got Mulan, WHO NEEDS PHILIP?

PLAIDDER: You know, some women ARE straight, and--

CHANDRA: Everyone ELSE gets to bring their true love back with a kiss but Mulan and Aurora have to do it through open heart surgery?

PLAIDDER: OK, but the coding makes it more intense and more interesting. Admit it.

THEAMH: You didn’t code us.

KEANRIH: Or us.

PLAIDDER: Yeah, well your story was never published, was it?

AINE: You regret that?

PLAIDDER: No. I really don’t. I honestly don’t know what would have become of all of you if I’d had to really try to make you marketable.

CHANDRA: But that was the 1990s. This was freaking 2011.

PLAIDDER: All right, this has gone on long enough. Are we going to finish Season 2 or not?

LYTHRIL: I think your spawn has doomed us to it.

PLAIDDER: Well...are you enjoying any of this?

LYTHRIL: I enjoy imagining ways to kill Cora.

PLAIDDER: You know, Lythril, we never found out what your mother was like.

LYTHRIL: Thank the Dark One for that.

PLAIDDER: Or if you’d ever been in love, before...

LYTHRIL: Never.

PLAIDDER: You sure about that?

LYTHRIL: NEVER.

PLAIDDER: Because something did go on with you and Ulnach at scoil, and I go back and forth on what exactly it was, but I will tell you, sometimes in my mind it looks a lot like a Cinderella AU.

LYTHRIL: You’re not going to actually write that, are you?

PLAIDDER: Probably not. See, this is kind of interesting to me as an idea, but if I actually committed to it, I think I would--

LYTHRIL: Because that would be a GREAT way to lose a heart.

PLAIDDER: Well look. We complain, but we’re all having fun here, right? I mean you’re enjoying getting together and making fun of your...counterparts?

ISTRIA: I will admit, it is sort of fun.

THEAMH: It’s better than talking about American politics.

PLAIDDER: All right, let’s wrap this up before Conn shows up. Thanks everyone; I’ll see you at the end of season 2, maybe.

[itrashit]

How I think a reboot of Xena should really be

I know this is quite a controversial topic, I personally don't want a reboot of Xena Warrior Princess. Don't get me wrong, I'd love if we were blessed with new episodes, but the original show was already an epic and the cast was the perfect match. I can't see no one playing the roles of Xena, Gabrielle, Callisto, Joxer and etc other than the original cast. No matter how good they made the reboot, it would always be compared to the original show and it wouldn't be fair to any of the series.

On the other hand, it'd be interesting to have new Xena material, so after giving it a lot of thought, I came to a conclusion on how I think a possible reboot should be.

Since I don't want to watch a show without Xena and Gabrielle as the main characters, and I can't see no one playing their roles, I came up with this idea.

It's pos-FIN timeline. Gabrielle has passed a long time ago and now she's happily living her after life with Xena in the Elysian Fields/Heaven, whichever works. However, the Twilight of the Gods is happening and it's leading Earth into chaos. Which less people following them, the Gods start fighting each other for followers and power, while the humans are making a havoc now that they aren't under the Gods' protection and that they feel free to not fear the Gods anymore.

This catastrophic scenario become known to Xena and Gabrielle, who cannot interfere in this situation but feel like they need to do something to help. In trying to do so, for some reason that I couldn't figured out yet, they ended bringing their future modern-selves to the Known World.

Wait, let me explain.

The show was pretty explicit regarding reincarnation, Z and Gabby were soulmates and reincarnated many times, right?

My idea is, they have reincarnated in modern times (not that 90's version we saw in Déjà Vu All over Again, tho), unaware of their previous lives.

I even thought about what their backstory could be. Xena's modern self could be an ex-cop in her earliers 30 years old. Her father was killed during a robbery when she was a kid, then she grew up wanting to protect people from bad guys. After joining police she discovered that there were so much corruption and injustice among them, and that infuriates her, but she soon learns that there's nothing she can do to change that. So she decided to take matters in her own hands and became a sort of a "warrior", where she'd fight the wrongings of the world in her own way. Needless to say that it usually involves actions that can't be described as "legal". This, of course, eventually leads her to be expelled from the academy and be imprisioned. All this ordeal made her became a darker person, she lost her hope and trust in humanity and, by the time her sentence is finally expired, she had lost herself too.

Enter Gabrielle's modern self. She just turned 18 and is almost graduating high school. She is a happy kid, a bit clumsy and too naive for her own good. She cares for the others, being them people, animals or simply the planet, and always tries to help them... even if it gets her in trouble, with normally does. She's also a History and Mythology nerd and is part of the school's drama club. Her parents expect her to join a good College, so she'd become a succesful person, find a decent guy and start her own family. That's not quite what Gabrielle wants though, she actually doesn't know what she wants to do with her life but she feels like there's so much more to see and do in this world than this. She wants to learn more about the world and live a big adventure, so she's planning on travelling abroad before going to college.

So, it's prom day. Modern Gabrielle has never kissed anyone before, she knows this is a bit strange for her age but she doesn't care, she wants her first kiss to be with someone she really loves. Anyway, she's at her best friend house preparing for the big night, you know, doing her hairs and etc together. Then she realizes she forgot her dress in her house, she's that type of person, so she decides to go back home and finished getting read there. Only, in her way back, she's assaulted by a man who drags her to a dark alley. Modern Xena happens to be there and see the man trying to assault the girl. She stopped helping strangers after she got out of jail, for being nice to the others only messed with her life, but she acts on a relfex anyway and fight that man, knocking him unconscious. Modern Gabrielle's shocked and terrified, her brain isn't exactly functioning at that moment, so she's like "Jesus, that was so scary! What we do now? Should we call the cops?" while trembling in fear. But at the mention of cops, modern Xena decides it's better to leave the scene, "You are fine, right? So do whatever you want" and walks back to the main street. Modern Gabrielle is on her tail, "Wait, you are just going to leave me here? Please, I don't want to be alone with this creepy!". Modern Xena is already getting impacient, "Look, girl" she says "I already saved you, what happens now is none of my business". At that, the penny finally dropped and modern Gabrielle realizes that, if it wasn't for that woman, she'd probably be killed or worse right now. "You're right, you saved my life! Thank you, thank you so much!". She's following modern Xena while vigorously thanking her, but Z on the other hand is annoyed and wishing the girl get lost.

That's when original Gabrielle and original Xena makes that something that I still didn't figure out what should be, but it ended with modern Xena and Gabrielle being dragged through some sort of space-time portal that makes they go straight to the Known World.

There, original Z and Gabby explain everything to two very perplexed modern Gabrielle and Xena. Modern Xena isn't buying any of this, while modern Gabrielle is super excited with the prospect of living something so unexpected. The original ones explain to them that the the future of the world is at stake and only them, the modern versions of themselves, can save the world.

Such a predicament wouldn't be easy accepted by modern Xena, and would cause both of them a lot of angst of course. But they are stuck in this situation and during season one they'll learn that there's nothing they can do except to accept their roles and do the right thing, which is fight the bad guys (and bad Gods too) to help bring peace to the world (I guess original Xena and Gabrielle don't know how to bring them back to their time, or simply can't do it).

And you know what else I think that would be cool? If modern Xena and Gabrielle didn't get along at first. Like, they wouldn't see eye to eye and would always be annoyed at each other. This, of course, would change with time and, by the end of the first season, they would become very close friends that trully adore each other. That would be an interesting change in their relationship, and at each season their relationship would grow stronger to the point where they would considere the other as their soulmate.

Original Xena and Gabrielle would appear in some episodes to share some nice words and give them their advices, or maybe just to comment with each other about their future selves (things like, "your future self is just as a stubborn as you used to be" and "hey, did we used to have so many petty fights like that?").

Reincarnated protagonists means they are not the same we used to know and yet they keep a lot of characteristics in common with them. This way we won't risk messing up with the already existent plot and characters that we love so much. Also, it would allow us to be blessed with Lucy's and Renée's presence once more. ♡

What do you think about it? I personally would like this kind of reboot. I even have a few suggestions of people who could play their parts, but I'll leave it to another post because I want to post some pictures of them and Tumblr sadly doesn't allow me to upload more than 10 pictures per post.

[faveficarchive]

Nipple III - Twin Peaks

By Archaeobard

Pairing: Xena/Gabrielle

Rating: Explicit

Synopsis: Xena turns the tables on Gabrielle, and takes the bard by surprise.

The warrior grinned once at the hesitation in the bard's voice. Knowing where this would lead eventually, she decided to play.

"But I am giving you a hand Gabrielle...with your story."

The bard straightened up slightly, her cheeks flushing a delectable shade of rose.

"Right!" she said, stiffening in Xena's embrace, "the story."

"So, what's the plot?" the warrior asked, still running her finger tips leisurely over Gabrielle's bare flesh.

Gabrielle frowned and looked to her mug of port, as if that was where the answers lay.

"Ah...Lost it." she muttered absently, trying to dispel the slight fluttering in her stomach.

Xena smiled slyly before replying, "No you haven't, so far we have our two 'lovers' engaging in foreplay in a tavern."

"Yeah, um, okay," the bard squinted at her mug of port, "so, how did they meet?"

"You tell me, you're the bard." Xena said, enjoying the soft feel of the bard's skin beneath her hand too much to have to worry about thinking.

Gabrielle gave a long sigh and finally reached for her port, taking a couple of large swallows in an attempt to concentrate on something, anything other than Xena's hand and what it was doing. She should not have been feeling the way she was, after all, this was Xena.

"Well," the bard began, placing her mug back on the table with a shaky hand, "there are many ways they could have come together." she said slowly.

Xena raised an eyebrow and smothered a smile with determination, "Really."

"Yeah, but the most interesting bardically is under impossible or extreme circumstances."

"Such as?" the warrior intoned, dropping her hand an inch, so the side of her palm was brushing against the waist of the bard's skirt.

If it was possible for Gabrielle to be less relaxed than she was, she was giving it a good try.

"All sorts of things," the repetition was not lost on the warrior, "ah, after a battle, during a battle, one of the lovers is injured and has to be cared for, ah, one of them gets sick, after a raid-"

"Or rescued from slavers?" the warrior broke in, unable to help herself.

"Whatever, they are just thrown together by chance." Gabrielle finished.

"By chance?" Xena queried, hoping the bard would pick up.

"Yeah, you know, by accident, the Fates. You can't just have them growing up in the same village and marrying or anything like that."

"I know," Xena said with a nod, "descriptionless nipples." she smiled.

"Sorry?"

"Boring." Xena said flatly.

"Right, boring." The bard frowned and took a sip of her port.

"So, after they've been thrown together, what happens then?"

"One of two things." the bard said with a frown as she felt the tip of Xena's little finger snake slightly beneath the waist band of her skirt.

"Yes?"

The bard took a deep breath, "Well, they either get right to the point, regardless of injury or sickness because their love surpasses all that, or they get to know each other better."

Xena nodded, wondering if she should dare move her hand any lower, "Let's take the second option. How long would it take before they, you know?"

"Oh," the bard sucked in a breath, "it could take years."

"Uh-huh." was all the warrior said.

"Their love would have to...grow."

"Grow?" the warrior asked with a frown, "But what if they knew they loved each other from the start?"

"Oh that would be highly unlikely." The bard swallowed roughly as she felt another of Xena's fingers slip beneath her waist band.

"But one of them may have loved from the beginning." The warrior offered, shifting in her chair so the stiff bard was positioned more snugly against her side.

"Unrequited love." the bard mumbled, "One of them going through Tartarus because their love and desire for the other was not recognised?" she asked.

"Something like that." the warrior offered, looking down at her charge.

"Well, that would make for an interesting plot line."

"Indeed." was all the warrior dared to voice as she eased a third finger beneath Gabrielle's waist line. She felt the bard's breath catch in her chest.

"Xena?" the voice cracked slightly.

"Yes Gabrielle."

The bard closed her eyes as Xena's fingers shifted lower, "What are you doing?"

The warrior smiled warmly before answering, "I'm giving you a hand Gabrielle. You do want me to help you don't you? she asked.

Gabrielle swallowed harshly, "Gods yes." she muttered, shuddering lightly against the strength of the warrior.

Encouraged by this display, Xena prompted, "So, this...unrequited love must make for an emotional crisis on the part of the one who loves."

"I...I would expect so." Gabrielle shuddered again as Xena shifted her thigh against Gabrielle's leg, the warmth between them was torturous.

"What would they do?"

"Who?"

"The one who loved?"

"Ah...well, they'd most likely stay silent from fear." Gabrielle reached out to grasp her mug of port and almost lost it when Xena's hand completed the move beneath her skirt.

"Fear?" the warrior growled as her hand slid along warm flesh.

"Of...of...oh Gods, rejection." the bard groaned as she felt Xena tease her lightly.

"Why would the suitor be rejected?" Xena asked, barely keeping her own voice under control at the bard's reaction to her explorations.

"Maybe that they were not wanted that way." The bard closed her eyes and couldn't help but shift her hips on the chair, pressing herself closer to Xena's hand.

"That way?" the question was pointed.

Gabrielle breathed deeply through her nose, "Physically." she grated, shifting again.

"But how would they know if they never asked?" Xena suggested, glorying in the feel of the bard.

"That's the irony of it, the...the twist in the tale. If they never ask, they never find out."

"But surely," Xena began, lifting her other hand of caress the side of the bard's face with the back of her fingers. Gabrielle leaned into the touch, Xena's finger's searing a hot path along her cheek bone. "There must be another way for them to discover the other's feelings." she finished, drawing in the scent of the woman wrapped protectively in her embrace.

"Two options."

"Are there always only two?"

The bard nodded, her cheek grazing against the warrior's hand, "Otherwise it becomes too complicated." she sighed, slipping still further against the warrior.

"And the options?" the warrior asked, trailing her fingers down along the side of the bard's neck and across her shoulder.

The bard frowned deeply and licked her lips, aching to make more use of them than simply the formation of words.

"Ah, the straightforward approach and the well, diverted approach."

"Explain." the warrior growled deeply, bending her head slightly and uttering the word lightly in the bard's ear.

Loosing momentary function of her voice, the bard shuddered in response.

"Lost for words bard?" the warrior intoned, nuzzling slightly against the blonde's hair.

"Ah," breath, "the one who loves could...simply...pounce."

"Or?"

"Seduce."

"Which one would you prefer?" Xena took in a deep breath and ran he fingers lightly down the bard's arm.

"The pouncing might be considered too...forceful." The bard shifted again, this time against both the warrior's hands, loosing herself in the touch and sensations coursing through her.

"And the seduction?"

"Subtle."

Xena smiled at that, as subtlety never was one of her strong points, "So you would prefer the second option?" she asked, shifting her hand slightly lower beneath Gabrielle's skirt until she had cupped the bard.

Gabrielle let out a guttural sigh as if her entire being was being strangled with tension from the warrior.

"D...definitely." she croaked as her body moved against the warrior of its own volition.

"Gabrielle?" the warrior asked, the strain of remaining in control evident in her voice.

"Uh-huh?" the bard breathed as she eased against the warrior's hand.

Xena drew in a harsh breath and focused her attention one last time, "Are you willing now to really discover how much of a hand I could give you?"

[keyofjetwolf]

No Accidents, Only Destiny

“Destiny” would easily rank among the most pivotal Xena episodes, which is partly why it’s taken me a bit to get my essays on it in what I felt was worthwhile shape. There’s SO MUCH going on here, not only in the episode itself, but in how it lays the foundation for Xena’s entire character arc. Without a proper handle on “Destiny”, is it even possible to have a proper handle on Xena herself? The events of this episode (the actual meaty backstory events, anyway) and the choices Xena makes as she endures them are the heart of EVERYTHING. As Xena says herself:

There are three specific topics Neet wanted me to talk about, and oh, I SHALL. But I also wanted to talk about the episode set-up as a whole, and some of the more awesome ways it brings up things that are relevant and important, even while not being what the episode is directly about.

You know me, you know I love some tight storytelling.

So before we get to the full course meal that is “Destiny”, let’s start with this succulent appetizer!

To begin, we have the episode name itself: “Destiny”. This is a crucial theme for what we’ll see today, as Xena captures, befriends, and is betrayed by Caesar, who I think we could fairly say embodies destiny itself. He has absolute, unwavering faith in his own destined greatness, in a way that is itself worthy of an entire essay series. For our purposes right now, however, it’s enough to note that Caesar’s certainty in his own destiny fuels his will and ambition, to the degree that his desire and “fate” are indistinguishable. To Caesar, they’re one and the same. He doesn’t make choices so much as he marches boldly forward with the certainty that every step he takes is the correct one.

Our other key factor for the episode is M’Lila, a runaway slave who stows away on Xena’s ship. In a familiar trend, Xena captures and then befriends her as well. M’Lila’s friendship remains true though, and she gets super killed for it, so that’s fun.

M’Lila and Caesar are narratively opposing forces in “Destiny”, both representing a potential path for Xena that will dictate the course of her life (at least until she lands a guest role on Hercules). What I love about that setup, though, is how it juxtaposes the idea of Caesar’s destiny -- something fated, predetermined, and inescapable -- by showing us precisely how it’s Xena’s CHOICES that turn her into the monster she would become.

In a word where Gods are real and the Fates are literal (they’re characters! we’ll meet them eventually!), this episode makes it UNEQUIVOCALLY CLEAR that the things Xena has done, the lives she’s destroyed and the atrocities she’s committed, are HERS. It’s a real strength of the story, and something I truly love about how it was written, that Xena was never given a free pass. The show never backed away from how its title character could be a bad person. And as we keep “The Bitter Suite” firmly in mind (as that’s where Neet is ultimately leading us), how Xena STILL CAN BE. That capacity for anger, hatred, and violence never leaves her. It’s not a disease for which she can be “cured”.Fuck the entire concept of destiny, says the show. It’s a choice, and it’s always been a choice, and it will always BE a choice.

That in mind, I love how the episode uses Gabrielle in this. I’m not sure how much of it was changed from the original plan (next episode, “The Quest”, had to be massively adjusted to accommodate Lucy Lawless recovering from an injury), but if they pulled it out of their asses at the last second, that only makes it better.

Gabby’s role in this episode is, by necessity, fairly small. We watch and learn about Xena’s past, while seeing Gabrielle struggle through unknown, hostile terrain to help Xena and keep her alive, all while dealing with an agonizing and continually debilitating leg injury. I absolutely fucking love all that winds up contrasting against Xena’s reactions to similar shit, and how it again underscores the overarching theme of choices.

Finally, before I move to the stuff Neet ACTUALLY asked me to talk about, it’s so perfect that we begin this flashback journey in Cirra, hometown of The Ragin’ Callistos. Who better represents ~consequences~ than Callisto? And looping that all back around to Solan’s eventual murder, and how fucking bad everything gets for Xena and Gabrielle in that aftermath? IF XENA COULD HAVE JUST LET THE ANGER GO BUT SHE REFUSED AND YOU CAN DRAW DIRECT LINES FROM THOSE CHOICES TO THESE AND AAHHH

Anyway, I fucking love Xena, and sometimes it just hits me what a privilege it is that screaming at you all about shit like this is my actual literal JOB.

Onward to “Destiny”!

[kierongillen]

Writer Notes: The Wicked + the Divine 41

Spoilers, obv.

After last issue's formalism, this one just accelerates. And, as everything in this arc, everything is a big beat. If everything is a big beat, how do you choose what to spend your space on? What beats really matter? How do you pace it? What can be a grace note and what's a scene? That's what this issue, and the rest of the arc, tends to be about.

This issue has gone down very well. I'll admit that while I absolutely gasped when I got paged in, I suspect it's going to be least favourite of the whole arc. That more says how much I enjoy the rest of the arc. Also, as a friend put it to me, I may be allergic to making people happy.

Let’s get on with this.

Jamie and Matt's cover:

There is, to some degree, a "Who hasn't had a headshot cover?" to this arc. As such, Mimir finally gets his. This is a glorious one – the pinks and blues, work really well, and the circuitboards frame it well. Obviously, Mimir plays a big role in this issue, so it is thematic. As is…

Paulina's cover

I just love Paulina's covers, as her being the regular alt-cover artist on Thunderbolt should imply. This made me want to immediately pitch a kick-ass pop D&D bard comic to someone, Xena Warrior Princess as produced by Xenomania. The names of the swords are the chef-kiss, but there's so much to love. The expression is everything.

Page 1

One page scene, with a modified nine panel grid. The one page scene is something that happens a lot this arc. I did a two-page version, but with the right seven panels, we're sorted. Yes, this is all we see of the de facto antagonists of the series this issue – when last issue was all about them, it doesn't worry me too much.

Page 2

Standard music journalist concept. That the second album tends to be worst than the first. Hard to prove, though my old friend Peter's note that "you have your whole life preparing for your first album and have a year to do your second" does seem to imply an easy explanation.

Page 3-4-5

Stealth mission! It's Metal Gear WicDiv!

We actually forgot to add the flashes to the first panel until the very last minute. Monthly Comics is a hell of a time sometimes, stress the “hell.”

I love the determination of Laura in the second panel of 3. That's great eyes.

Looking at this now, that "I can't do much now" is in a panel smaller than 1/9th of the page says a lot about the scale she's working on. The background was Matt in full trippy mode – I had a friend note that this scene is a little akin to Kohl in Rue Britannia 5 (The difference being Kohl is using nostalgia for a performance, while Laura is just doing a performance) but the moving squiggle does remind me the use of optical illusions in Phonogram 3. Bugs in the optic nerve are our friend.

Panel 3 on 4 is obviously Clayton living large and conquering. When you ask for something like "Can you sample the background and use as a speech balloon" you have no idea if it's going to work.

We could have divided the middle panel into two, but I suspect it'd have been less effective. We've seen the trick before. Now we see the same trick, but different. Mix it up. We're performers.

Hmm. I realise the Norns string of balloons is something I'm doing more often now – it's not something I've always done. I'm normally a one-panel-one-emotion, which strings of dialogue rarely allow (as, if there’s any change of emotion inside the string, the image is rendered ludicrous). In a middle shot, and a strong emotional throughline with the dialogue and I'm more okay with it.

While this whole three pages is an action sequence, it's also exposition for Laura's current state. The best exposition is demonstration, I guess.

I mean, the last panel of page 5? That's how cut to the bone we are. Problem? Solve it. Problem? Solve it. We don't need to fuck around anymore.

Page 6-7-8

And after six whole trades, the reunion between Lucifer and Laura. I suspect a different writer would have played this bigger and more melodramatic, but when the reader knows this, a splash feels overkill, especially with the taut pacing of the rest of the issue. However... there are five panels here. That's a page's worth of content, and enough to give an emotional throughline.

Sometimes when writing it's all about trying to find an honest response which is also unexpected. Like, in life, you think you'll feel sad or happy at certain times, but when you live through it, you don't. Or you don't entirely. What other stuff is happening? That's what rings true to me.

Anyway – that's where Laura's Guilt comes from. Laura at her most Dionysus.

And then Lucifer shatters all that self pity with the wink. Did you miss me? Of course, you did.

Page 7, panel 4 is one of those "a comic panel is not a moment in time" bits of magic McLeod always talks about. As in, as we read across the panel time progresses. The Mimir/Cass conversation is getting on for... 10 seconds, maybe? The teleport signatures do not take that long to appear. It's only with Laura's interruption that panel kicks into high gear.

As Multiversity noted you can easily imagine another draft of this with a bigger fight scene. And it's true – but also lying around was a version which cuts it even shorter. Do we need to really give a whole page to Cass breaking out? I felt so. Without the big beat, it feels flat. And it's good to see Cass let rip.

The slight angle on Jamie's external shot with a Norns black/white plus golden thread from Matt is really interesting. We don't often see the Norns as combatants in WicDiv, so this is a rare chance to give Cass a "Hello, I am a bad ass too, in case you've forgotten."

Page 9-10-11-12

Cripes. Going this and making notes I can't believe how tightly we're winding this and (more so) getting away from it. We did all this in four pages?

Two panels to the escape – the right image and a handful of taut captions to hold you between scenes. The first is doing a lot of work, but the second is just elegant. What do you need but the broken doors? Great stuff by Jamie here.

(Laura's captions do a lot of work here in setting up the themes, and the return of Sakhmet's memory to the story)

If you're wondering "How on earth could we get the escape be quicker, it's to take the first two panels on page 8 and move to the previous page. That makes it a five panel page, which is entirely do-able. That's a cost, but it would have bought slightly more space in this scene. As it is, I preferred to cut mid-page and end with Lucifer's first spoken lines in ages.

Once more, a big reveal in a small panel. Chrissy's note on the script was basically hearts for Luci at this point. Like, the second she cuts to the chase and tell s people what to do...

...and then the page turn, and she just goes full Lucifer. I know you lot have missed her, but I have too.

Getting back to Inanna was also easy, the sweetheart... but it all leads back to Sakhmet. That Mothering Invention was as tight as it was didn't leave much room for Laura to think about Sakhmet, or mourn at all... or, most of all, make it clear the story (and Laura) considers her loss important and real. It's an awful sad panel at the end of the page.

Inanna's voice was easy to find again. He's such a sweetheart. Tara is a little harder, just as I wrote her less, but I've been fascinated by this arc in terms of writing her as an actual character. I think one of the ironies of issue 13 was that it put Tara on a pedestal, and the pedestal is an objectifying as any other cage. Getting her back as a character is wonderful, and she gets to be as messy and flawed as everyone else.

Inanna not knowing ANY of this is hard. That's the problem with most of this arc – there is so much information flying around, and secrets some (but not all) are aware of. Who gets to respond to what and when? What to remind people of? What to let slide? Inanna not knowing about Baal is so huge it had to be hit and hit hard.

And then... the bodies.

When plotting this and trying to work out how I could get the cast – oh god, this is not a deliberate pun, but it's also clearly a pun - back on their feet, I was thinking of the Morrigan Gambit. Three heads, three bodies. Perfect. Then I remembered Mimir, and swore. I started to think about how that would be a tense, dramatic situation and how the personal politics could play out and I realised that Tara would just turn it down. I then realised that's exactly how the scene would work too.

(In a "tightness" thing, I suspect in another world, this scene would have been two pages. The "and Tara then just butts in" is the key thing, but you could get the timing a little more intricate to sell the moment more – still, even in this page, I could have extended it more, but seeing Tara's elaboration and everyone else's response to it was just key work for them all.)

In passing – Mimir's glowing in the dark in the penultimate panel just wonderful. Nice work Jamie and Matt.

Page 13

From the Sisters of Mercy's song, Marian.

Page 14-15-16-17

Here's where you talk about spending space. What's important here? You need the scale to show what Baph has been doing – and Jamie turns it into something astoundingly gothic. The use of blacks, the use of light and shade. Just the right level of suggestive. It’s one of my favourite bits of composition in the issue.

As the pantheon are getting back together, this leads to an increase in crowd scenes, which are the eternal artist killer. As such, I'm looking for solutions which only involve the absolute minimum of the cast in a scene.

Thee was an awful moment earlier in the issue when I went – wait! Do I have too many heads to carry? Then I realised I was fine. That said, finding places to put them down so we can have chat scenes was also somewhat tricky. The shelf turning up on page 15 is an example. Clealry Baph planned to (er) have a place to keep heads.

Well, I say, Baph, but it's clearly Nergal now. The road from early Nick Cave to late Nick Cave has been a long way. It's a great shot.

To go back to the space, why spend it on this? We’re reintroducing Nergal and Morrigan, and we’re also showing the scale of them in the plot, and the actions of Nergal. Where we go with the bodies is such a big beat, it needs to come from something similarly large. That’s also the reason why so much (relative in the issue) space is spent on the Morrigan/Nergal scenes. Of course, it’s also a key scene for this subplot, so demands space for that. It’s rarely just one reason. Probably a useful time for my usual “these notes are only ever a selection of thoughts.”

This is also a serious pose panel by Jamie.

The “I could bring her back.” He’s an underworld god too. If she could do it, he could. This is something which I suspect some people thought implicit in the old scene, but the final manipulation of Morrigan is unpacked at length in the nine panel grids.

Nine panel grids are a natural rhythm for this – when I was planning the later bit the triple-goddess of it made obvious sense, so it expanded to the whole scene. Also, the cropped image reduces the possibility of a Jamie crowd scene.

I always thought that, given the amount of time the various characters get on film, Ladyhawke could more accurately be called Blokeywolf. I digress.

Page 18-19-20

As said earlier, the triple-goddess to nine panel grid is one of those natural ways to give a stress to each of the elements. You’ll notice the clicks are left then right then centre. I’d originally written it as left to right, before – after Chrissy’s Editorial urging – rewrote to end with the Macha section to go last. Gentle Annie may have been the kinder part of Morrigan, but Macha was the part he mostly dated.

Then, in a moment of weirdness, Jamie actually drew it in the original order, despite never having seen that script. Morrigan has powers, as does the logical necessity of a left to right panelling order. As a nine panel grid, just moving panels around to fix it is easy. Hail grids!

Like most of the big acts of magic, it’s all about emotional sense than anything else. Hence, it is inevitable as Nergal actually does this, the bleak temple he’s constructed starts to crumble. And, in perhaps the most ludicrous bit of me in the comic, The Temple Of Love Is Falling Down. Too much is the bare minimum.

Jamie’s triple-portrait of the Morrigan is pretty startling. I have no idea if Jamie will miss drawing Badb’s hair, but I’ll miss seeing it.

Re-reading this now I’m struck by how low-key it is. That was always part of WicDiv’s magic – the finger click, and then things happening. The Morrigan transformation was usually drawn to be instantaneous – one panel Macha, the next Badb and so on. This kind of keeps to that.

And then… the reveal. That the new bodies isn’t a splash page says everything about this issue, but it still gets the punching the air moment. We had to have one of those eventually. Lucifer in a black suit is one of the things I’ve been waiting as long to see as Nergal in his. I giggled with glee at seeing this. Jamie’s worked in elements of the Morrigan into each of the gods – Lucifer’s red hair is the most obvious one, but Gentle Annie in Inanna and Macha in Mimir also have their notes. Inanna’s netting top is the main one – and note the shapes on Mimir’s armour changing to mimic Macha’s.

Yes, writing Lucifer remains fun and easy. I recommend it to everyone.

Page 21-22

In terms of seeing chat, people responding to the small details in the issue is one of the bigger joys. That Jamie got the Inanna/Nergal hug in the background of this exchange between Laura/Lucifer/Cass is absolutely wonderful. Laura and Cass have come a long way.

This is arguably a small cliffhanger – the smallest of this arc, at least. However, it sits on the weight of the rest of the run. We’re promising a solution to one of the larger mysteries in the run, and I suspect we get by on that. Note how space is used – this is a dense panel layout, but we go to a thired of a page for Laura’s “I know how to end this” (so giving it weight” and then going to three panel page for the conclusion (which adds weight to each of these beats.) Jamie takes the framing to tight on Cass for the beat as well to sell it. Note Matt with the Norn-colouring creeping in – and how it goes from the fires in the first panel to this is just a joy.

Page 23

Interstitial, and obvious reference to the Jay-Z record, but everyone is just excitedly clapping over the adding stuff to the godwheel. Sergio outdid himself here. It’s certainly an example of how you can have storytelling and even hero-shot audience-cheers beats out of things entirely unlike a traditional comics panel. After all these issue,s we get to see something added to the godwheel. Of course people cheer. That said,  as I said to a friend, “Of all the things I’ve found to torture the WicDiv readership, hope is the cruelest of all.”

EDIT: Actually, I messed up here - Jamie did the tweaks. Nice work Jamie!

And that’s it. Next up – 42, wherein questions are answered. In passing – the letters we’ve been getting are amazing. I’m going to try and cram as many as I can in the issues to come, but issue 44 will be our last one with a letters page. So that’s a timelimit if you wanna try and get in. It’s wicdiv@gmail.com.

Thanks for reading.

[darkspellmaster]

Costume designs and the role of the Skirt in the Modern Female Hero.

With recent discussions over costumes in regard to not only She-ra but in the past few years in regard to Wonder Woman and several other prominent female heroes, I wanted to step back and take a look at why a skirt, in a lot of cases, is actually a better option for a fight then say a very tight leather outfit. 

I had this discussion with my male friend who had just started to read Wonder Woman with the New 52 and he asked why it was that people were upset over the redesign with the pants. My answer at the time was, they look like jeans, you can’t really fight well in jeans designed like that. They will rip and tear, and she is a warrior and shouldn’t have to be restricted by what’s on her legs for moving. A skirt or shorts would work better for her. 

He at the time replied that she should wear pants. We went back and forth for a while until I brought up the fact that having a lady wear a skirt isn’t meaning she’s a weaker fighter, skirts are actually less restrictive for movement and one of the reasons why the Romans and the Greeks wore them into battle, along with the Scots who wore kilts. The idea of the skirt as a  worn by a warrior predates a lot of modern conceptions as women and men wore the style when fighting. Lets we forget that part of the idea of armor during the time of the knights was because of the newer weapons that had supplanted the bronze age swords of the period with harder steel weapons, so they needed more to protect them than the light armor and leather that they were wearing. 

However this idea of the skirt still stuck around regarding fashion for women, because, well, people like legs (although for a long period showing any legs off was a bad idea). Women, and men, in the entertainment world tended at the time to stick to shorts and it was shown in how Strong men were used for the Superhero look (see DC and Marvel with the outside underwear) while ladies like Wonder Woman were given more of a swimsuit/athletic look. Now the change to this started around the time of the whole issue with the Comic book Panic that came about because of the book Seduction of the innocent came out and freaked people out about various things in comics. Women at this time were wearing skirts, though they were limited. 

This changed by the 1950s to Female heroes wearing skirts to show their feminine side. The idea had always been there that women could wear make up and look “dolled up” in comics way back in the days of Wonder Woman, because she wore make up all the damn time in the stories. Also a number of the female heroes were Girls, and seen as well teens and children. The reason being that girls in the period wore skirts. It was pretty much ordered by the schools that girls had to wear skirts at the time. It was the 50s. Into the 1960s things changed and you saw skirts replaced with pants, shorts and in some cases the start of the bathing suit look. The trend continued into the 1970s, and some what in the 1980s where the suits changed some, but were mostly one piece swim wear for the most part for costumes of some characters. It really wasn’t until the 1990s that you saw this “Overly sexy” look come about and I can point to the shift being by the late 1980s you had a lot of cheese cake showing up in movies, so to drive sales of comics (which the industry screwed up on it’s own) a lot of artist started to turn to making women look more desirable and wearing less. You can kind of thank Image Comics for a lot of that as well. 

So why talk about any of that? Well to give an idea of where the skirts came from. Most heroes that wear skirts were invented in the 1950s and the look was popular among the female population. So of course you would have the characters in books wearing skirts. This never though replaced the fact that they were strong and independent characters that had their own villains to fight and later on allowed for newer female characters to come in and stand out as leads. 

By the way for those that think that a strong character can’t wear a skirt and still kick butt, well here are a few characters that do wear skirts and are seen as iconic, independent and strong females that have inspired both men and women in all walks of life. 

Starting with Super Girl. 

Kara Kent, or Kara Zor-el is as strong as her cousin Clark and can pretty much take on anyone he can. She has the same set of powers that he does, and one version of her later became Power Girl who, depending on the writer, can in some cases lift twice as much as he can. She also almost single handed beat the Anti-moniter. 

Marvel Girl -aka Jean Gray

Early costumes for Jean was this green piece after graduation. Her reason for it came down to her wanting to look different than the other members of her team and fashionable as well. She is, bar Xavier, arguably the strongest mutant on the planet with her mental capabilities, and has been shown to have so much power that the Phoenix force stayed with her for many many years after the first Saga finished. 

Mary Marvel

Mary is the sister of Billy Baston, aka Captain Marvel aka Shazam. Like her brother when she calls down on the power of Shazam she can become Mary Marvel, who is just as strong and powerful as her brother, and blessed by the gods. This girl can do what her brother can, and, on top of all of that, has proven to be able to go toe to toe with Super Girl and Power Girl in recent years. She is a force to be reckoned with. (And Ignore the Black Mary Marvel stuff that Johns wrote for Countdown it made no sense.) 

Flamebird aka Bette Kane

The niece of Kate Kane, Elizabeth “Bette” Kane started her career as a wanna be side kick and a fan of Robin. She grew to be as good a fighter as her aunt, and pre -52, she ended up becoming a teacher who was a strong detective in her own right. Her Aunt has taught her various forms of martial arts and the two train together as Bette intended to become a person that could protect others the way that she saw Robin (Dick Grayson) protect people during his tenure. 

Bomshell version of Batwoman

Basically Kate Kane as a baseball player and wears the outfit that her team wears when she fights. It’s pretty much all the awesomeness of Kate Kane but just wearing a female baseball uniform worn in the 1940s. 

Ms. Marvel aka Kamala Khan

While technically considered a tunic, the top part of Ms. Marvel’s outfit is considered a dress and can be worn as such. Kamala added the tights and other aspects because of her preference for dressing. However, yes that is a dress she has on. Also let’s not forget how powerful she is and how cool she can be even when geeking out. See her meeting with Wolverine for the first time. 

The Sailor Senshi

When Naoko Takeuchi first created this group of girls she had one thing on her mind. Sentai. You know, Power Rangers. But she wanted to use fashion as it is one of her passions. So she created these strong girls who grow as the series goes on, but every one of them wears an outfit that is recognizable to the female population in Japan, that of the school girl uniform. Yes the skirts are short, but that allows for their movement and is part of the Sentai look of uniformity with color co-ordination. Also did I mention that Sailor Moon literally saved Earth and everyone from a darkness by the power of her love for it, and killed parts of Chaos, an entity that has existed since the dawn of time. Yeah, girls in school skirts can crush monsters. 

Jun from Gachaman

Jun, or princess if you go by BoTP, is one of the strongest fighters of the Gachaman team. Her skills as a master of  Kagaku Ninpo allow her to use her aglity to create powerful kicks and hits on her enemies. She also uses a Yo-yo as a whip and flail and it’s electric. 

Wonder Woman aka Princess Diana, Diana Prince

Do I even need to talk about her? I think not. 

Xena Warrior Princess

Played by Lucy Lawless until the early 2000s, Xena was a huge character, powerful and full of compassion. After being a battle hardened character who at one point was an enemy of Hercules, she later went on to spin off on her own show and became not only a mother, but also was seen as a gay icon for many women and men. 

The Female lead in Assassin’s Creed Odyssey. 

A Spartan by birth, our canonical lead here, as said by the development team and the books, sports the same fashion as her non cannon male counter part. 

Both run around in a skirt and are warriors trained by birth to do battle with the forces that are causing issues for their people. 

Chun li Street fighter

One of the oldest Video game heroines. Chun Li is an interpol agent and has many awards under her belt. A known master of various martial arts, she also is a sharp shooter. Her outfit is that of a Chinese  qipao, a type of dress made popular in the 1920s, which she wears in honor of her late mother, and which she modified for movement. 

So with that in mind I would like to Add She-Ra to this list of Bad -ass females that wear skirts when fighting. 

She-Ra aka Princess Adora

With a strong sense of morality, the same strength as her brother when he’s in He-man form, and the skills with a sword and a gun, (and a strong jaw line to boot) She-Ra fights in a war that has nothing to do with her directly and left home to help her friends in the Rebellion. Her transformation is much like that of Mary Marvel, in that she calls down the power from Gray Skull and becomes a more powerful version of herself capable of fighting off Hordak and his evil Horde. 

So, with that in mind. Anyone else know of any bad-ass female characters that wear skirts?  

[callie-the-snarky-geek-blog]

RvB16 Episode 7 Review: It Just Winked At Me

Last time on Red vs Blue: O’Malley came back bitches. That’s it. That’s all you need to know. No need to go into how Grif is all alone with only a talking lens flare and all the potential angst that writers can dig up from that. Or that Atlus is a dork who obliterated Tucker and Sister into subatomic particles. None of that’s important at all. Only O’Malley matters.

Alright, so this episode has been hyped for awhile. Joe hyped it up. Kyle Taylor (the Machinima director) hyped it up. Even Gus hyped it up. Any of this can mean anything. So as we enter the shortest episode so far (only 7 minutes… I guess Joe couldn’t make the episodes longer unless he’s holding them back for later), what has all the talk been leading up to? Well… I can say it was like nothing I’ve seen before!

Overview

So good news, Tucker and Sister are alive! Yay… yeah I knew that was coming. There is no way that they’d kill a long-time character and a fan favorite character they finally made a main like that. Also it looks like the blast sobered them up. So there’s your lesson kids: if you are drunk off your ass, being blasted by God is how you sober back up! Atlus tries to kill them a couple more times before finally realizing that ‘his’ protection is making that impossible. Also we find out that Kalirama is his sister, which explains her being the Queen of the Cosmic Powers. So goign into some speculating, Kalirama mentioned being the Daughter of Time. My guess has been that the villain is Chronos, the Personification of Time. It can also refer to Cronus, the King of the Titans and father of Zeus. If Joe made Chronos and Cronus the same person who Atlus overthrew and he and Kalirama and his kids trying to keep him locked up… wow and I thought the Church and Grif families were fucked up.

Since Atlus can’t obliterate Tucker and Sister, he goes with the option of ‘let my mindless minions do it’. So he summons up a cyclopes… I am NOT joking. Some may find this too bizarre, but as someone who likes mythical shenanigans I do NOT give a shit! Plus it fits the myth theme since cyclopes’ are part of both Greek and Roman mythology. So the cyclopes obviously isn’t a Halo character, so what did they do? They… put Gus in a costume/a ton of makeup and made him do it. Yes, you read that right. The cyclopes was RvB’s very own Gustavo Sorola. It is also, I believe, RvB’s first implementation of live-action within the show, at least on this level. It’s pretty good! I mean the cyclopes is butt ugly, but I’m pretty sure that was the point… sorry Gus.

So Atlus sicks… Grugh, I think? Screw it, I’m calling him Gus. My blog, my rules. Atlus sicks Gus on the two Blues. They understandably, make a run for it. At least until Sister quips that Tucker could prove how great a fighter she is. Which she meant as sarcasm… but Tucker of course has to decide to be Mr. Macho and face Gus. The result? Both the time gun and the sword get knocked away from him. I should also point out that Gus is about 100X larger than Tucker. So he can easily crush him… yyyyeah… not your best plan Tucker.

Back in the 6th Century (not the 16th like I wrote last week, Past Callie is stupid), Huggins is trying to figure out what to do now that O’Malley has gotten away and both she and Grif are stranded. Grif is currently… I guess looking for mushrooms since he mentions eating them later. Guess since he can’t talk Italian, that’s the only way he can survive, I mean it worked on the moon! Anyways, Huggins contemplates her options. Now because she’s talking fast, it’s hard to make out everything and for whatever reason,t he RT site doesn’t have a subtitle option that I REALLY hope they fix soon. But anyways, Huggins comes u with three potential solutions:

Wait it out and let time move along until she’s back in present day. This is ruled out because it would take far too long. This one is declared a ‘maybe’.

MURDER! Kill Grif and prevent at least one dirty shisno from fucking everything up! This is also ruled out as it goes against Huggins’ code and it’s also forbidden. Oh, but Atlus can obliterate people? I sense abuse of power!

Talk to Grif and convince him to team up so that they can find a way out of the 6th Century. But if she does this, thee penalty is getting tortured int he Underworld for all eternity. But this is the only option that could work, so… ye, she risks it.

Alright, so reasoning! Huggins goes to Grif, who is pretty much refusing to believe anything that is happening. Huggins tries to convince him to help her since otherwise hey’re both gonna die. Grif doesn’t buy any of it, especially when Huggins reveals that the Gods sent her to spy on them. SO he just walks away and Huggins is probably re-considering the murder option now.

Alright, back to the moon! Tucker tries to shoot Gus… and of course fails. Stupid guns! Sister retrieves both the time gun and Tucker’s sword as Tucker himself ducks inside the base. He tries to think of what to do… and sees his old armor set, giving him an idea. Gus reaches in and grabs what looks like Tucker, eating his head. Eww, Gus! That’ll ruin your teeth!  Also is this an Attack on Titans reference? I’m positive that it’s an Attack on Titans reference. But of course it was really the empty armor which Tucker stuffed with grenades. Which go off, distracting Gus and Tucker drives in with the Warthog, driving it straight into hos face. It finally knocks Gus down and Tucker along with him.

So it looks like Tucker wins, right? Haha… yeah… about that. Sister points out that normally when you beat the boss, they come back twice as powerful. You’d think that Tucker, living in a video game, would know this but meh. SO yeah, Gus gets back up and he is not happy. Hey Tucker, tell him that they should go to Vegas! That’ll make him REALLY angry I bet! Tucker runs into the caves and seems safe since Gus’ hand is too big… until Tucker says he needs to do it one finger at a time. And Gus can understand English, so… yeah…

Fortunately before Tucker can get grabbed, Sister channels her inner Xena and attempts to use the sword, jump down form the cliffs, and stab Gus in the head. But Tucker informs her too late that the sword only works for him. SO she gets smacked away and when Tucker exits the cave to help, he gets knocked over to her. Sister points out that cyclopes’ have a fatal weakness, so Tucker goe sin and… attacks Gus’ groin. I… don’t think that’s what she meant Tucker… but it works as Gus finally hits the ground. Well… not the defeat I was expecting, but it was a defeat!

Unfortunately, Atlus decides to sick Gus’ wife on them who is rather peeved that due to this, they can’t do hanky panky and have kids. Having had enough, Tucker and Sister FINALLY do what they should have done before: open a time portal and get the fuck out of there. Where do they end up? Well remember the medieval scene from Episode 1? Well they FINALLY connected it to the main narrative as the two end up on the same tower as medieval Grif and Simmons. And the two get arrested… WELP.

Review

This episode has had a lot of mixed reception so far. I haven’t seen anyone hate it, but many were disappointing. It’s understandable why. After all the hype, it was really just about a dumb joke. A very well shot dumb joke, but a dumb joke. There’s still so little about he plot we know, nothing advanced any further here, the episode was incredibly short, and it’s still unclear what all of this is leading us to. We’re on Episode 7 and no progress has been made. I think so far Joe has the opposite problem he had last year. Last year, he rushed it because he only ha done season. This year he has more than one, but due to it he slowed down. A little too much maybe. This coming off the heels of last week’s O’Malley plot bomb and… yeah I don’t blame people in being disappointed and viewing this as completely pointless.

I didn’t know how to feel during the first viewing… but when watching ti again to write this review, I was laughing so much. I got a LOT more enjoyment out of it. To be fair, I am always like that. I always like stuff on the second watch than the first one since I knwo what’s coming and I can better process it. And watching ti again… I don’t think that this was pointless at ll. There’s no major progression with the plot, and I agree that it’s been long enough. But… I got a lot out of this episode, even form Grif’s brief scene. Not just with plot, but the work on this episode is truly impressive imo.

Before we talk about that, lets do Grif’s scene. It’s only about a minute long and the only machinimated scene. Yeah, 95% of the episode was CGI animated. But Grif’s scene, while brief, was good. I wish we saw a bit mroe follow-up on how he’s doing after O’Malley left him stranded, but him living off mushrooms I can buy. Him also goign into denial over everything I can also buy. So not as much as I was hoping for with him, but good stuff that matches his character.

The scene’s actual importance is mainly setup for what’ll happen later. It also FINALLY gave us some time with Huggins’ since Episode 1. And OMG, I absolutely love her. Her rapid fire dialogue is kind of hard to make out, but her actress did a good job at it. Huggins is cheerful, but serious about her job. She understands the importance of what’s coming, but has to resort to breaking law since she’s in a position where otherwise, everyone is doomed. She’s cute, but also sassy as evident with her response when Grif calls her Tinkerbell (is that gonna be his nickname for her when he warms up to her? I want it to be!) Seriously I am already loving the interactions between Grif and Huggins and I am really excited to see more of it! Now how they’ll get out of the 6th Century IDK, but we’ll just have to wait.

Okay, back to the res tof the episode. As I said, pretty much the entire episode is CGI animated. it’s the first major CGI fight in the season, and it was awesome. Okay it was mostly running, but it was fun to watch. Tucker plowing the Warthog into Gus was freakin’ badass. The voice acting was also on point. I have never laughed harder at Jason Saldana’s performance than I have today and Becca continues to crush it as Sister. Seriously, going all Xena with the ‘alalala!’ war-cry had me dying. An ProZD as Atus… OMG ProZD. He was fantastic in this episode and it added so much to Atlus as a character. Like he is just enjoying the show and is so unimpressed with Tucker and Sister even when they win. His animation where he’s just celebrating watching Gus winning was also so freakin’ fantastic and again, dds to the character. Seriously, I wasn’t sure what to think of Atlus before, but he has already become one of my fav RvB villain ever after this episode alone.

So onto Gus… I have no idea how Joe talked him into this. I mean he’s done worst and IDT anything will be as bad as when he did the Baby Gus RT Short. That short man… anyways! I think Gus did really well! It felt like he was truly interacting with the environment. He didn’t have to do much acting aside form grunting and going around wildly, but it felt like he was playing a monstrous cyclopes. Credit also to Joe and his directing. I don’t knwo what inspired him to do this, but OMG I am so glad he did. I mean it looks weird and it’s ridiculous.., but it’s RvB. It’s always been weird and ridiculous. Plus using live action again sells the effect that the cyclopes is a monster compared to what we’re used to with the machinima. It sold the effect really well. So kudos to Joe and to Gus because shooting this and then editing it in had to be a nightmare.

It’s why I don’t think the episode was at all pointless. I mean we DO have some minor things. We find out that Kalirama is Atlus’ sister, the villain si indeed a locked up time God, get a taste of how powerful the Cosmic Powers forces are, have some characterization for Atlus, setup for Grif and Huggins’ plot, an actual fight scene after so long, and it FINALLY ties in the medieval scene. It’s also huge on a cinematic scale, which is probably why it’s only 7 minutes. I mena Joe and his team had to fully animate the episode, shoot Gus’ scenes where he’s pretty much just interacting with air, combined the footage together, likely do re-shoots if the live action was even slightly off, edit it all together with the machinima, and… yeah. This was likely a huge pain it he ass to do for everyone involved. But I appreciate that they did. Joe is going above and beyond what he has to do. he could just do solely machinima and it would be fine. But he’s trying new things, implementing more CGI, and taking the show to the next level. Is it a hit? That’s for one to decide on their own. I think it worked here, but I don’t think they should regularly implement live action as they did. Special occasions are fine though. But I still appreciate Joe trying things and putting in the effort when he doesn’t have to. He wants to make the show as good as he can, and I can absolutely respect that.

Final Thoughts

Did they hype this one too much? Maybe a little. It was not what I was expecting at all. But I don’t thin that’s a bad thing. Again, I appreciate them going out of their way to do this. Plus the animation, dialogue, and voice acting were really good. Can I understand why people don’t like this episode and are getting weary of the season? Absolutely yes. I do hoe that Joe starts to speed up the plot soon. But I still had a fun time watching the episode, and in the end that’s what matters: having a good time. It was weird and ridiculous and I wouldn’t have it nay other way.

[shannaraisles]

Inquisitor As A Companion!

I was tagged by the incomparable @ironbullsmissingeye! Thank you, my precious! Thought I'd go with an actual Inquisitor this time around, although heaven knows I have plenty of characters to do this with!

(Side note - if anyone else has tagged me in this, or anything else, drop me a DM so I know; my notes are still wonky)

Inquisitor’s Name: Xena

Race / Class / Specialisation: Dwarf/Warrior/Champion

Gender Identity: Female

Varric’s Nickname for them: Killer

Short bio: Born in Orzammar to unknown parents, Xena was found exposed by Carta dwarves employed by House Dace, and brought her back to their surfacer employers. She was raised in a form of indentured servitude by Gavar Dace, used by him as an enforcer until she was fifteen. His punishment following her first mistake was brutal, and left her with a terror of him that fueled the way she determined to create an effective army from the houseless surfacer Carta mercenaries he abandoned her to. Her reputation precedes her - no surfacer dwarf has not heard of Xena.

What would their companion card look like? A view of her side from chin to hips, armored in typically rogue-like leather, a sword in the hand in front of her, a flaming torch in the hand at her back.

Recruitment mission: In Short Supply - A cutscene triggers in Haven when the Inquisitor leaves the Chantry after the post-Val Royeaux discussion cutscene. A small group of dwarves are arguing with Threnn - the leader, Xena, abandons the argument to waylay the Herald and put her case. She and her companions are Carta enforcers with a fearsome reputation, and have decided to join the Inquisition as a mercenary group. Threnn and the recruitment officers are making it difficult. The Herald can choose to allow them to join, or decline. In either case, Xena will remain as a companion, citing the fact that everyone and their nug-son wants the Herald of Andraste dead right now and she's got the reputation to at least put the dwarves off trying it.

Varric can be questioned about Xena's reputation, and will spin a tale about some exaggerated adventure from her childhood. Cullen can also be asked about her - he notes her dwarves (if accepted into the Inquisition) are rowdy and undisciplined, but that she has firm control over them. Krem will pass comment on some friction between the Chargers and Xena's band in Haven.

Where they would be in Skyhold / Haven: In Haven,  Xena hangs out at the fire where Varric can be found. In Skyhold, she can be found initially in the hallways between Josephine's office and the War Room, before settling in the garden beside the well.

Personal quests: Dacing With Death: A war table mission that activates once two of the major areas are unlocked. Gavar Dace, head of the surfacer House Dace, has sent a missive to the Inquisition, demanding that Xena is handed over to him to face punishment for undisclosed crimes. Josephine will suggest running interference; Leliana will suggest investigating Xena's past to ascertain what she is supposed to be punished for; Cullen is unavailable for this mission. Josephine's option will result in another missive from Gavar, reiterating his demands in more threatening tones; Leliana's will turn up a report on a broken attempt at an alliance between House Dace and House Gavorn, which Xena was responsible for. Both will present a monetary and influence reward, and will result in the next part opening on the quest list.

Sins Of The Past: The Inquisitor unlocks this by speaking to Xena and mentioning Gavar Dace. If approval is high enough, she reacts with open fear, and blurts out her version of events (she wasn't aware of any alliance, and dealt with what she thought were incursions in Dace territory under her remit). She will also hint at just how severe her first punishment was. If approval isn't high enough, she still reacts with fear, but will not share the details. Either way, she will request that the Inquisitor accompany her to Dace territory in the Frostbacks near the entrance to Orzammar, to face Gavar and his accusations.

At the location, Gavar and his heavies will approach openly and offer a deal - he will release Gabrael Harrick, a female dwarf in his custody, in return for Xena giving herself up. Xena will agree, but leaves the decision up to the Inquisitor, who can choose to honor this agreement, negotiate for better terms, or attack. In all cases, Gavar will stab Gabrael in the belly, and the whole thing will devolve into combat. When combat is over, Xena is frantic over Gabrael. If any mage is in the party, they will apply minor healing magic to the dwarven girl, and she will rouse enough to ask Xena to take her home to her husband, and to forgive her for not coming to her aid sooner. Xena will then ask the Inquisitor to make sure Gabrael gets back to her family, take the signet ring from Gavar's dead hand, and put it on her own finger. She promises to return to Skyhold when her business is concluded.

She doesn't return until either Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts or Here Lies The Abyss is concluded. When spoken to, she asserts that she has taken control of House Dace and has been cleaning out the brittle stone. An Inquisitor with high enough approval will come out of this conversation with an additional agent in the Secrets section of Perks, reducing the time it takes Leliana to complete missions by 5%.

How to get their approval/disapproval: Break down Approval Ratings for Major Missions(borrowed from @vivalaegghead):

Helping the refugees and people of Redcliffe will always lead to: Slightly Approves Gaining Allies(Skywatcher, Ritz, ect): Slightly Approves

Fate of the Mages: Conscript: Approves Ally: No change

Fate of the Templars Disband: Approves Ally: No change

Inquisitor’s Lead: A Dwarf/Elf/Qunari Stands for us all: No change Example as a Mage: Slightly Disapproves For Faith: Greatly Disapproves For Order: Greatly Approves For What’s Right:  Approves To Stop Corypheus: Greatly Approves For Personal Power: Slightly Disapproves For Vengeance: Greatly Disapproves

Fate of the Wardens Exile: Greatly Disapproves Ally: Greatly Approves

Ruler of Orlais Gaspard: Approves Briala: Greatly Approves Celene: No change Reunite: No change Spare Everyone: Slightly Disapproves Arrest Florianne: Disapproves Save Celene: No change Kill Celene: No change

Abelas Alliance Ally: Approves Reject: No change Inquisitor Drinks From the Well: Slightly Disapproves Romanced Inquisitor Drinks: Greatly Disapproves. Morrigan Drinks: Slightly Approves

Are they romanceable? Yes - all races, all genders.

Can you have sex with them? Yes.

Are they open to polyamory? Yes, in the right configuration. A male Inquisitor romancing Josephine, or a female Inquisitor romancing Blackwall - both would have the option of broaching the idea of polyamory with Xena to their respective partners with success.

If they can be romanced and are not, will they begin a relationship / relationships with other character(s)? If so, who? If unromanced, there will be gossip in Haven and Skyhold (prior to completion of the two mid-game main quests) about Xena's conquests among the soldiers, mercenaries, and staff. After the completion of Varric's personal quest, the gossip will change to start passing comment on the amount of time he is spending with Xena. By Trespasser, Xena is his "bodyguard".

Who are they friendly with? Varric, Iron Bull, Sera, and Cole. In party banter, she teases Varric constantly (with increasing affection, if unromanced by Inquisitor); compares notes on fighting and past accomplishments with Bull; compliments Sera on her skill and shares opinions on women they've both noticed; and gently teaches Cole not repeat everything he finds in people's heads.

Who do they dislike? Solas and Vivienne. In party banter, she will exaggerate her allegiance to the Stone and generally killing anything that annoys her with Solas; with Vivienne, she describes her favorite kills as though they were society tea parties. It's nothing personal, she just doesn't like mages, and she doesn't like anyone who looks down on her.

Special note: Cassandra and Dorian. She respects both, but is also wary of both. In party banter, Cassandra will often pass comment on her lack of a shield, and she will attempt to defend her choices; with Dorian, conversation stays almost rigidly within the lines of hairstyles, clothing, and food.

Companion card changes: (use a text descrip. if you have no images) Loyalty: Her figure facing forward, from chin to hips, hands clasped together around the hilt of her longsword. Romance: (with Inquisitor) Full body, on one knee with her forehead against the hilt of her longsword set in the ground before her, Inquisitor's marked hand on her bowed head.

Side Missions: If the Inquisitor manages to complete the collection Bottles On The Wall, Xena will invite them to crack open a bottle or two with her. If the Inquisitor engages in a drinking game, this will result in Xena sharing the story of her first love (Gabrael) and the pair of them lying in the garden, star-gazing.

Opinions on mages / templars / how the world is going to shit? Xena disapproves of anyone who holds power over others and misuses it. She doesn't trust mages in general, and she doesn't trust templars, either. The world going to shit is a problem, because once it explodes, who is going to pay her?

Something guaranteed to make them leave the party:   Nothing. She's stubborn like that.

Special Events:

Imprisoned at Redcliffe: How are they holding up in Redcliffe, being slowly infected with red lyrium over the course of a year? Singing bawdy tavern songs to pass the time, she seems unchanged by her experience at first, but her responses are darker and more violent than the Xena the Herald knows.

At the Winter Palace: Do they enjoy the party, any special events with them at the Palace? Xena spends her time at the Winter Palace on the stairs in the vestibule that lead to the royal apartments, ostensibly "keeping an eye" on the dwarves gathered at the foot of them. She despises the whole situation and just wants out.

In the Fade: Their reaction upon entering the Fade? Nightmare demon’s taunt, and their response? Fear on their grave?

Reaction upon entering - You know ... I've never much wanted to see this place. I could have died happy without it. (If Sera is there, she will offer to kill everything that even looks at her friend funny to calm her down; if Varric is there, he will reassure Xena) Taunt and response - The Nightmare demon will pass comment on the number of people she's killed under orders. Xena will not respond. Greatest fear - Disappointing everyone

Trespasser: What were they up to two years after Corypheus’ defeat? Any special events with them over the events of Trespasser? If romanced, Xena stays with the Inquisition. Her epilogue states that she was granted a pardon by the King of Orzammar for her efforts on the surface, and remained with the Inquisitor regardless of the status of the Inquisition. If unromanced, Xena goes to Kirkwall with Varric as his "bodyguard". Conversation with Varric during Trespasser throws up the comment that he really should think about marrying her at some point, if only to annoy Bran. Her epilogue states that she married Varric and became Viscountess of Kirkwall, a move that resulted in much tearing of beards among the Merchants Guild. If the Inquisitor has low approval with Xena, she does not appear in Trespasser. Her epilogue for Inquisition states that she took firm control of House Dace and eventually the Carta operations on the surface, and the only surfacer Dwarf House allied to her (not under her control) is House Harrick.

Other Major Events: Any other major events that happen with them over the course of the main game? (At the close of Varric's personal quest, if unromanced by the Inquisitor) A cutscene between Bianca and Xena in which Xena makes it perfectly clear in a very polite way that if Bianca so much as thinks about endangering Varric ever again, she will very much regret it. Bianca takes this seriously, and will also apologize for her comment to the Inquisitor in Valammar.