#which ok im probs about to be on my period

[lunarheslwt]

How dare Louis sing "the friends we make, the love it takes, it's worth the pain" as if it doesn't make me want to sit down and breakdown at the sheer poetry, emotion, and sentiment to it. How dare he. Because he's RIGHT. It's what makes the world go round. It reminds me of the 'with freedom, flowers, books and the moon, who could not be perfectly happy?' quote by Oscar Wilde.

It really is about the little things and human experiences.

[yonpote]

ok heres how i split up the dnp eras (loosely based on dan's timeline in his interview w anthony)

2009-2011: the Sillies era :3 dan refered to it as being a dumb teen just posting cuz he was bored, which is like, thats what all of youtube culture was at this time. they met and like fell in love or whatever you know the lore dont you. phil moved from his parents home to his first apartment in manchester, and dan technically moved to uni but really he moved into phil's apartment to take advantage of his washing machine and ps1 and. yknow. other stuff. they officially moved in together in 2011 yippee hooray, the phanchester apartment holds a special place in my heart

2012-2013: THE SHIFT. they started getting Serious about youtube as a career, doing more stuff w the radio, superamazingproject started in 2011 but THE SHIFT is very easy to observe when you compare the first season of sap to the last season. ALSO. they were NOT A DOUBLE ACT AND NOT GAY 🙄. it could also be called the No Homo era lmao idk this is when a lot of shitty things were happening wrt leaked information, harassment of their families, and just generally becoming more in the spotlight especially while still in the closet being a horrible experience. but also, they moved to london and got cool opportunities with radio stuff and were starting to actually make a living on this shit.

2014-2016: Peak Dan And Phil™ Era. at the height of their popularity. they realized oh shit, we ARE a double act and not only does everyone enjoy us best as a double act, WE enjoy working together. tabinof, tatinof, dapgo, still doing the radio every month up until they start touring, 7 second challenge app, gamingmas, what the hell DIDNT they do during this time period (what they didnt do was uhh take care of themselves and not overwork and not blur their work and personal lives so much to the point where they felt like the whole apartment was a film set.)

2017-2018: Gay Softlaunch Era (aka post-baking aka glass closet) the baby steps toward authenticity, moved to the double apartment to separate work and life, ii's whole theme, dan talking abt depression, phil getting the quiff, both of them being gay as hell in every way other than saying it explicitly. important things of note: TRUTH BOMBS dropped, Interactive Introverts happened, still uploading gaming vids and honestly by the end you could feel their fatigue. and then they hiatused dapg.

2019-2022: ok these four years each feel like whole eras in themselves, but also theres an overarching theme. THE GAY ERA.

2019: im gonna futher split this year in half. first half- dad left to buy milk so other dad is taking care of us. rough six months for dannies im sure. important phil thing of note- he changed his film set from his "bedroom" to a fairly basic but cute shelf backdrop. honestly prob didnt wanna keep pretending that was his bedroom considering.... second half- DAN AND PHIL GAY. dan uploads his magnum opus. phil comes out via tweet. they go to japan and its really gay and it's The Trip to japan for them like yes they first went in 2015 and again in 2023, but Japhan 2.0 Was The One. what does this mean? proposal? anniversary? idk exactly but it was gay as hell dude and theyve talked about that trip with such love in their hearts.

2020: Phandemic (sorry that was bad) but also where tf is dan again? even with the big C-word happening, it was business as usual for phil, regular vids but make em gayer, caught a pigeon nbd, and end of the year introduces the Stereo app show Phil and Phriends where he's had chats with pj, louise, his brother, seth everman?????, and finally. dan reappears. they reveal that they bought and FULLY PLANNED a house together and are ready to move!

2021: they don't move house for another like six months! basically their house was (and is??) still being worked on AND they were in lockdown AND turns out at the end of last year, they were kicked from their Life apartment and were now living in the Work apartment so you can imagine what all of this can do to their psyche and lowkey they were getting sick of each other like it wasnt just bordering on phivorce it was nearly Phurder. Phidow. but to fill the time so that DOESNT happen, my favorite fucking thing ever happens: Lockdown Lads (and all the other names). the first taste of what a dnp podcast would sound like, with the added bonus of chaotic listener interaction. oh yeah also dan wrote a mental health guide book whatever (IM KIDDING I REALLY LIKE YWGTTN I WROTE LIKE TWO REVIEWS ON IT NOW) and they finally become Homosexual Homeowners. theres quite a bit more dnp content this year, dan being on phils channel a bit more, the phodcasts, dan's gay and not proud special.... oh yeah and hometown showdown i guess AND TEXT VIDEO 2!!! my favorite and my namesake!!!!!!!

2022: Prophecy Year..... but they didnt get married. dan returns with another longass video to say: hey i hate being a youtuber and also youtube majorly fucked me over. but also fuck that im gonna do a weird talk show and ALSO GO ON TOUR WITH THIS APOCALYPSE THEME! phil actually... slows down this year. more dan uploads than phil somehow??? but also Dan Is Leaving me is posted and i go completely insane and become the deranged individual you see today. WHICH FINALLY LEADS US TOOOOOO

2023-present: The Unhinged Era. dan's tour was a huge Emotional success for him but uh not without its hiccups due to management and all that and i think he and phil finally realize. Fuck It Who Cares. dan flies back to england FROM AUSTRALIA to make sure he can be with his future ex-husband on his birthday. CAKE HEART EMOJI. YELLOW PLAID SHACKET. they go on a gamer date and post a picture of playing footsies in a cab. THE PHUDE HAPPENS. they go to japan again and while this one will never be The One it was still a well earned holiday this time with bryony! and they took a bunch of very cute film camera pictures.... THIS IS ALL JUST THE FIRST HALF OF 2023 BTW. in phil news, he talks about going to therapy and figuring out how to manage his anxiety!!!! he changes his hair again!! he hires an editor, phan is his otp, he teases about the gaming channel a couple of times but so many of us already dropped any hope of that returning- OH WAIT WHAT THE FUCK?!!!? HUH!??!? they returned, and more chaotic than ever before. the gayness upped to the max, the Weirdness on full speed, the Horniness at Very Scary Levels Oh God Stop Talking About Dogging, phil can swear uncensored now???? and this energy has continued into today...

[kisses4lao]

Ok so I was thinking about a smut with a leech and wanted to ask you to do (i love how u write)

What about a AFAB!reader that likes to open her mouth and sometimes you do it without realizing it.

I read somewhere that eels have it like an invitation to mate or something like that (dont remember so much)

And about if is jade or floyd… well, both are my favs so I cant choose. What works better I guess

EEK TYSM!!! I feel as tho floyd would fit this better bc jade is a smart boy, probs knows that humans just open their mouths wide for random shit but floyd

...

Hes a lil stupid when it comes to these things(I love him I swear)

10/10, would fuck in the VIP room again

-floyd probably lmao(also the name of the fic)

♧CW!!! fem reader, breeding kink yas slay, unsafe sex(wear condoms kids), degrading(? Floyd calls us a slut for yawning around other men but he loves us 🤞), little to no foreplay hes too hawny, semi public sex, pwp?, mentions of jade but light, none that I can think of right now but floyd is such a silly little goose(im terrified of him)

NOT PROOFREAD

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

♧ you were originally here to study.

Seeing as your boyfriend, Floyd, was nowhere to be seen. Sitting in the mostro lounge while waiting for Floyd to be on break was a normal occurrence.

Since it had been awhile with slight glimpses of him taking care of customers, you decided to start studying on your own. Opening up a text book and starting to read and take notes, Jade comes over with your order.

"Apologies for my brother taking so long. The customers he has are being seriously rude, we're trying our best to have him not squish them." Jade says as he places your tea on the table in front of you.

"How long will he be?" You ask as you take a small sip of your tea. Jade rests his chin on his hand as he closes his eyes, seemingly in thought.

"Soon." He simply says as he walks away.

Although odd, you've gotten used to Jades strange behavior. As you were about to return to studying, you spotted Floyd waiting on the table across from you. He shoots you a smile before turning back to his customers.

You took that as a sign to go back to studying. Flipping open your text book, you begin to take notes again. As you get further into the book, your eyelids begin to feel heavy. Resting your head on your hand, you start to close your eyes for longer periods once blinking.

As you began to drift off to a light sleep, you felt yourself yawning as you began to shift in your chair.

Having finally settled in a comfortable position, you begin to get lulled into a peaceful sleep by the surround sound of calming music in the lounge.

Drifting off, you get woken up by a sudden loud noise. "Boo!" It was Floyd, creeping up behind you just to scare you awake. Playfully punching his chest as you complain about how you just fell asleep, he takes your hand, leading you off somewhere.

"Floyd, where are you taking me?" You say between giggles. "Somewhere, it'll be fun, I promise." He says as he gives you a wink.

He leads you to the VIP room, which usually isn't occupied by anyone, like now. Just the two of you. He turns around to lock the door, he turns back to you, eyes widened with an unpleasant look on his face.

"That thing you did out there, I cant believe you did it infront of other men. Do you understand what they may think now? Think im not your boyfriend? Think I dont treat you well enough?" Confusion. All you felt in the moment was pure confusion.

"Floyd, what the fuck are you talking about? I was just studying, nothing happened." You could tell he was getting frustrated. "That thing! Where you opened your mouth wide!"

"You mean yawning? The.... thing people do.... when they're tired?"

"You can't do that around merfolk." Oh. Oh? This seems like something you can tease him on.

"Oh? And whys that, Mr eel boy?" You say as you chuckle. Somehow, floyd got even more pissed at this, he slammed both your arms above you and against the wall behind you, eyes still wide, and very much angry.

"You don't understand what you're doing. You're making a mating invite by doing that, what if the other merfolk saw? Or worse, what if Jade saw?"

"Floyd im sorry okay, I didn't mean to, seriously-" you were cut off by him smashing his lips onto yours, you fed into it, not resisting in the slightest.

He began to sink his head down to your neck, making soft bites on it and licking up the semi bloody aftermath. "If you want to act like a slut, then I'll fuck you like one." He says before digging his open hend into the flesh of your thigh and biting down on your collar bone.

You choke out a groan at the sudden pain as floyd slowly kisses the bite, making it feel more pleasurable than anything.

Once hes done, he looks up at you. "You're okay with this, right?"

"Yeah, just don't do anything stupid." You're able to say between puffs of hot air. Giving you a smile, he hooks his finger under the strap of your panties, taking his other hand off your wrists. Sliding down the peice of fabric while biting off his glove, he starts to suck on your neck as he begins to work his fingers into you.

Taking his thumb and rubbing it over your clit as he slowly sinks two fingers inside you. You moan out as he begins to curl them in you, sucking on the bite mark you made earlier.

"F-fuck... I cant take it anymore." Floyd groans out as he unbuckles his belt. Lining up his thick cock with your hole, "You're sure you're okay with this, right?" He says one last time in a panted breath.

"Yes just... don't do anything stupid-" and you were cut off once again by him doing something stupid.

He thrusts his whole length into you at once, earning a low, throaty groan from him as you were just trying to find stability. He takes both you thighs and wraps them around his waist, being able to hit much deeper in the position.

Mere seconds later, all the pain you felt turned into pure, absolute pleasure as he started fucking you against the wall.

Filling the room with moans of utter bliss from the both of you, having Floyd come completely undone after minutes. "I'm gonna fill you up so fucking good- make everyone know you're mine- have those other eel bitches know if you're gonna be a slut, you're gonna be mine, understood?"

You're barely able to make his words out as you start to feel lightheaded from the pleasure. His grip on you tightens as you feel him twitch inside you. "Fuck, im gonna-" he was cut off by a powerful moan as he came inside you, slowing down his pace in the process.

Floyd slowly sinks down to the floor as he places you down on it, leaving you for a moment as he grabs a wash cloth. He starts to clean you in silence, waiting for you to say something. You were too tired to speak, however.

Once you're clean, he makes himself presentable again as he picks you up and walks you back to your table. Once he sets you down, he walks off and brings back a bottle of water and some snacks.

"Dont worry, they're on me." He says with a wink.

As he turns to walk away, you grab onto his sleeve to get his attention. He leans in close to hear you over the bustling crowd. "Floyd, I didn't get to fini-" he places his index finger over your mouth.

"Now, now, I didn't forget my dear, I promise. If you're good today then I'll double it tonight, hm?" And with that, he walks off and returns to his job where jade and azul kept yelling at him for bailing.

As you sit in silence while occasionally looking over at Floyd, he makes eye contact with you while being yelled at. Going back to you table, you realize something, your tea has gone cold.

Oh dear, whoever will you call over to replace it?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/n: i had no clue how to end this fic wiwhwihsiwow im going insane

[stealingpotatoes]

askposting except its just one ask that was 924 words long

which i think is internet-jesus getting me back for the obscenely long ao3 comments i leave LOL

(also for the sake of my own screenshots im not. putting the whole paragraphs of text in but i did read them!!!)

@thedynamicworm thank u!!! ur idea of them meeting on coruscant is fun but leia doesn't sneak away on any missions!! she may have her father's inability to follow orders, but she knows where to draw the line and draws it pretty solidly at "things that will get me killed and/or grounded for a year". she sticks to tatooine and rebellion bases and the few planets her family takes her to for jedi training or little trips!

the closest she gets to meeting luke before age 15 is thru force dreams and the like

gaslight girlboss gatekeeping! Padme is VERY quiet about Luke's birth for the first few months (is just on Naboo w her family) and 1. pretends Luke was the result of a secret Naboo husband and 2. manages to hide when his birthday is so it looks a Bit Less Suspect. the handmaidens create this insane papertrail so convincing that Palps, had he not known otherwise, probs would've fallen for loll.

so deep down he does sorta know that Luke's Anakin's son, however comma he can't prove it for shit and Padmé never lets him get close enough to try prove it loll. + he can't rlly openly act against such a popular senator so theyre essentially fighting a shadow cold war

Luke meets Rex (eventually)!!! the closest there ever would be to codywan would be Obi-wan wistfully staring at his commander like he's in a period drama remembering before remembering he's not a hussy and thats forbidden lol. cody's just up to his canon shit unfortunately ):

same as canon, being a spiteful bastard, yelling kenOOOBIIII, and blinding dilfs <3

again same as canon (or potes-brand-canon) lolll she's out there vibing w quinlan!!!

they meet after the reunion when Padmé and Luke are staying on a rebel base w the Skywalkers and the Ghost fam visits! Ezra obvs goes to see his bestie Leia and she's like EZRA I HAVE A BROTHER NOW MEET MY BROTHER HIS NAME IS LUKE ISN'T IT COOL I HAVE A BROTHER and with a very fifteen-year-old twinge of worry that he's going to be replaced, Ezra goes to meet Luke. and the twinge of worry is replaced with a twinge of "oh no i'm gay" bc wow ok. he's cute. are people allowed to be this cute??

Luke's first opinion is "wow this guy's cool! and he has um... very uh... mm facial structure" the former of which is definitely ruined when Ezra does some stupid shit like 3/4 of a backflip and eats shit on the hangar floor

[cielles-random-vault]

random hobie brown headcanons!

all will be sfw the nsfw/spicy ones will be in pink

trying real hard not to delete this acc and kms bc of a sudden trigger

also this won't be proofread because im in the middle of a mental breakdown

he always looks for you when he performs

he's not the jealous "i show everyone who is my lover" type, more like the subtle "let's go" kind in crowded places to yk do unholy things

also small public demonstrations of affection <3 <3

like holding hands, putting his hand on your waist when you walk, small kisses both on your cheek and on your lips, small notes when he wakes up earlier than you since he's yk a spider man

he gave you one of his very own spike bracelets which i feel would be really dear to him

prob made you one esp for you

no matter how your styles differ he will still find a way to have something that reminds him of you on him whether it's a badge, a hair clip or even rings

taking you to the piercer as a first date!!

despite him being an anarchist he's actually very caring

you're sick? fuck capitalism he will make you his own medicine with some of his teas

unrelated but i feel like he's Jamaican or smth wait lemme check

ok i didn't find anything but ill js hc him as jamaican

so like yea when you're sick he makes you jamaican medicine

"take this shortcake! i know it doesn't seem yummy but i promise you'll feel better in a snap after!

you did feel better in a snap

(for fem aligned readers) when you're on your period he turns into the sweetest man ever

sometimes the two of you meet after his concerts - even though that's smth really important for him he makes sure you know you're his actual priority- you go on a rooftop and he tells you about his parents

feeling dysphoric because you're transmasc and on your period ? he makes sure you're the most handsome person he ever knew

when the two of you are doing it, he always makes sure he has your consent before trying anything new - or even before trying anything at all

he's not afraid to admit he's in love with you and he treats you like ROYALTY

you like this specific song? he'll post you to this song and even write love songs for you. remember that specific cat café you mentioned three months ago? he'll bring you there for your birthday.

going nonverbal and being overstimulated? that's no problem for him he'll sit with you in the dark in silence until you feel better.

THIS MAN IS A MAN OF AFTERCARE "you did so well for me darling <3 now what about we get some sweets and cuddle under the stars?"

he's a top most of the but yk he secretly lives when you're in control

HICKEYS HICKEYS HICKEYS ALL OVER YOUR BODY esp on your neck and in between your thighs

speaking of thighs whenever you feel insecure he turns into your girl best friend

having big thighs ? it's more comfy for when he has his head on his lap. big boobs?more comfy for cuddling. no/small boobs? it's ok clothes fit more easily. the list goes on but he always cheers you up.

UNLABELLED THEY/HE HOBIE‼️‼️‼️‼️

p sure he love when you ride him

like you're on top of him in some way but he somehow keeps control

probably likes to asset his dominance by putting a hand around your neck (wdym i don't have a choke kink i do)

BUT HE ALWAYS MAKES SURE YOURE OK THAT MAKES HIM LITTEALLY SM HOTTER OMG

he's always down for ditching class but he somehow has the best grades

which upsets you bc you're the one who always want to ditch class but your grades ain't following

omg it's giving academical rivals au

so like he sometimes comes at your place to help you w the subjects you have trouble with

eventually you end up pinned down on your desk passionately kissing

+ seeing you in a school uniform makes him go feral

fucking you in your school skirt? boy he sure is turned on

quickies in the school's bathroom ? man he loves danger so he's obviously down

+ he loves the way kissing you makes his piercing feel (idk but if i had healed piercings on my lips id love the way it'd feel)

SLOW BURN MAKE OUT SESSION IN THE RAIN

can you tell i love rain? bc i do

he makes sure you feel loved and says it to everyone he knows

"hey that's (reader's name) did you know they're my partner i love them sm"

he notices small habits and picks them up when he misses you (idk how to explain bit for example i sometimes twitch my nose because of my allergies- in that case if you did he would too)

HIGH PATTERN RECOGNITION even though he won't force you to tell him why you feel bad he instantly notices the changes in your behavior

"can you repeat, darling? i didn't hear what you said"

he makes sure you use your words despite you being overstimulated

+ his hands. they make you go crazy.

he's actually a lonely guy, give this poor man a big hug :(

no but fr tho he went through sm his backstory made me cry

OK bit of a vent now🕺🏻 but first tysm for reading ily ! <3 /p

i suddenly lost all motivation to post full fics bc i keep comparing me to others, most well known posters and it really triggers me so i guess i'll make the lonely series go on a hiatus. also working on requests! but it's getting harder to not kms bc of the pressure im putting on myself 🫠

anyhoo, kaheri there,back to dreamland! see you in the next dream! (new outro who dis?)

[skadream]

happy ummm 8th month on t? (9th if i were actually on t continuously but i ran out for a month that one time) i used to do monthly t updates on tiktok but i dont rlly feel like doing that rn so i'll yap about it here (its actually wild how little stuff i have about my transition on my tumblr generally speaking? as if this isnt the website that transed my gender in the first place)

it really is hard to notice such gradual changes from month to month, especially if its just me lookin at myself, compared to seeing a doctor in person which, i am getting rx'd T thru telehealth currently as my nearest planned parenthood or even a neighboring one does not actually do gender affirming care which is. insane and whack. esp when i do live in a pretty populated county maybe second or third to nyc and albany area. and i have to call in to a pp THREE HOURS BY TRANSIT from me. but like, its been working for now ok!

mentally and emotionally ive been very up and down overall but i think thats largely due to my medication changes rather than hormones. ALTHOUGH. when i ran out for a month in november and my period came back... dude it was so horrible like genuinely the worst period of my life. its one of those things where i didnt realize just how dysphoric something could make me feel until i had a taste of being able to alleviate said dysphoria. so mentally speaking testosterone is probably pulling the mental train even more than the wellbutrin lol. and im trying not to account too much for circumstance/environment cuz like OBVIOUSLY if things were going smoothly for me there a lot of my emotional issues would be at least somewhat relieved, but im working with what i got.

physically, since starting t in july i have lost weight. at first i was very scared it was my medication, and i think a part of it was at least a little, like two of my meds can cause some weight loss, but i am no longer losing weight in a concerning way but just yknow the regular amount of daily fluctuation. so i do think a lot of my weight loss was due to hormones just shifting around my fat and all that, or something idk lol. everyones so diff with hormones, i know some trans guys gain weight on t and not necessarily from muscle training, i know girls on e who have lost weight without any changes to diet or exercise, it really depends so as always, this is just my experience etc etc

i do have more facial hair but its still quite patchy, i think i might start filling in my stache tho. with my shitty goatee, its not my fav so i shave it off when im not just sitting inside all day, but also idk it makes my chin feel less. round. or smth. i do always think of my one friend telling me ill look like the lead singer of a nü metal band and honestly maybe i should start giving that energy more anyway! embrace goatee lifestyle!

oh yeah my voice dropped in like the first two months and has gotten deeper since, and on timtom i talked a lot about wanting to maintain the vocal range i had pre-t? i dont think thats fully possible like i think the highest notes i used to reach are just inaccessible to me, but i think if i did some like vocal singing warmups i can get back up to reach those higher notes. in retrospect the way ive sung my whole life has actually prob been destructive on my voice, partly from lack of proper training and partly intentionally trying to sound deeper and more gravelly, but now that i can access deeper sounds more naturally i really do wanna work on singing in a better way where i can reach some of those notes.

overall yea im liking whats happening so far, i do wish it was happening faster but i understand that some people dont get the progress ive gotten for like, YEARS, and new progressions will be happening to me for years after today. if you think about "real" puberty, it is a gradual shift its not like you suddenly grow a chest as soon as you Bleed or whatever its different for literally every person and since im the only one in my family that i know of who has done this, im kind of a guinea pig. but like im okay with that! anyway yeah really recommrnd testosterone if u want it i like it :)

[munamania]

just truly feel like garbage rn and well it's prob the impending period among a million other things but some of the most pressing are how badly i dont want to talk to my dad and how much it stresses me out that he calls me constantly and then tries to like. talk down at me and be like 'if u cant answer u cant its fine if u can only answer for a few mins it's fine etc' and u have to hear the way he says it to understand why it's making me so mad he says it so slowly as if im an idiot as if he's normal about it and doesnt constantly make comments and jokes about how little i answer every fucking time we talk (when really frankly for a college student. a senior at that. i talk to my parents or at least update them a lot) or keep me on the phone most times for a while after i say Alright well i gotta get going.. so then i dread saying anything bc it'll just keep the convo going on and on. and also i think rn if i had to hear him say some ignorant shit id end up cutting him off officially and causing a family upheaval. which well might be in the works. and also my mom while i love her is just constantly constantly saying how much i dont talk to her and how little she feels like she hears from me and i feel like im going crazy cause yeah yk it's been a minute since ive had time to do a real long call/chat with her i text her like every day or almost. and do my best to tell her at least little bits abt whats going on and send pics and etc. and i say this stuff all the time and theyre like yeah no we understand and im like you very very obviously DONT! and it makes me sad that theyre both so pathetic really and dont have anything else going on and are miserable and it makes me pissed off at my dad obviously cause he's mostly at fault here. but anyway. ok i had other things i was feeling ugghhhhhh abt but now im mostly on this

[lovebvni]

Hi! This is Ani again. Just wanted to let you know that your reading was literally SO accurate. Istg you’re living my life

I’m gonna admit, I was expecting something much more negative. I usually expect negative things, which isn’t good, but that make the good things all the more exciting. This whole thing was also kind of new since this was my first intuition reading. My previous ask was also my first ask ever on tumblr so I was kind of nervous as well. It felt like I was writing an email lolol

But I’m so happy that I did do it because, you were right, I did kinda feel like I’ve been grazing rock bottom. I had this weird mixed feeling of being close to the void but also never getting in and holding both those feelings kind of drained me, on top of being burned out from school. This is the first time in a while where I’ve been truly excited for something.

Something that I recommend people do is something I did earlier this month, where I basically manifested seeing angel numbers and using their meanings as guidance on my void journey. I kept getting a lot of 444’s and 777’s which apparently both are related to seeking guidance from angels or something. I didn’t really know how to do that so I assumed that maybe I had to reach out to someone on tumblr, but even then I didn’t know who to ask. I didn’t even know what I should be asking. But this was really helpful and honestly, is making me so excited for my REAL new life instead of a daydream.

Also another thing is, I am a shifter! Or I’m planning to be one, anyway. The life I’m going to shift to from this one will be similar to my current one but better. But all my other realities after that, are pretty much going to be a totally different life with different people, like you said.

Also, can we talk about how in literally the beginning of the post I was called out in so many ways, like “Repressed emotions + feeling left out” 😭✋ Chill out man I can’t afford therapy rn ok?? Lolll all jokes aside though you are right, and I don’t really talk about what I’m feeling. I do think I am also very disconnected from people. I have a wide variety of interests so I can be part of multiple friend groups at the same time, which is why I feel so lonely, because I am never in one deeply enough to find true connections. I have a feeling I know who my new group of people are though!

Over all though, I am so excited to enter void. I have always known that I will, but it was just up to me to decide when. I’ve been putting in extra effort and I’m glad to see it’s paying off. And most of all, I’m excited to shift and be whatever I want to be! I don’t think anyone would be really, truly free until they experienced shifting, but then again, this is coming from someone who has never consciously shifted before (but I’m sure that’s still true).

Anyways, sorry this was so long, I think I kind of just went on a tangent with this one haha 😅 But fr tho, I can’t thank you enough for this, this has really helped me and re-inspired me a lot. I think everyone should give your intuition readings a try because it’s never bad to ask for help and advice, regardless of where you are in your void journey. This is also a great source of positivity for people who may feel stuck in their journey.

(Btw, I love how you complimented everyone in your response to the reading asks, it’s literally so sweet 🥹)

Thank you again for the reading! ♥️

OMG AAHHHH IM SO HAPPY WAIT

i literally read this whole thing during my lunch period and it made me so happy n smily (my friends probs think i have a new bf or something but no 😭😭 it’s this insane!!)

during my time in this earth, both before and after I shift i strive to be a guide. i want to help others reach their goals and get better in this life. every time i feel as if i help others, it brings new light and energy to my spirit. <3

im so glad i have you some hope and motivation, and i REALLY hope u get the help u need sometime!! i know financial issues r a real hinderance w mental health n to genuinely drives me insane 💀💀💀

i love u sm!!! i’m glad it helped!!

[freezi-drink]

Rant about medical issues under the cut (it's honestly tmi, and a very long post, feel free to scroll)

A couple Fridays ago (the 8th?) I went to the ER at like 7 in the morning for lower abdominal pain that I just assumed was from PCOS but it was bad enough to need ER grade painkillers, so I went and they gave me painkillers (which didn't do jack shit), and gave me an IV*, and did a blood test and a vaginal ultrasound, and they wanted to do a urine test too but with tummy pain obvs my first thought is to go to the bathroom just to rule things out so I couldn't give a sample when I was there and they Wouldn't Let Me Drink Water (ik this is probs what they Have To Do, but still annoying), so the Dr ended up canceling it and saying it was probs just the PCOS anyway. So he sends me home with a couple prescriptions and I'm like yeah ok whatever. I get home, the hospital calls, said I left my favorite flannel, my dad and I head out to get that, grab my prescriptions, and a smoothie to hopefully get some calories in me. Before he could even leave the smoothie king I made him pull over so I could throw up. Well I'm still laying on the bedroom floor in pain for several hours, even with my dad giving me the prescription painkillers as often as the pharmacist said he could, but I vomit from pain Twice (the first time losing my smoothie so I have No food in me)(also, the best way i found to sit to minimize pain was on my knees with my forehead on the floor, which was NOT helping the nausea lmao) and when I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom bc I was nauseous a fourth time and didn't really feel like throwing up on the bedroom floor, we decided to just cave and go back to the ER. So we go, it's super busy so I sit in the waiting room for probably 20 minutes, they put me in a hallway with reclining chairs and curtains (they had enough space to give me a room that morning) and by this point I am loudly sobbing in pain. I will myself into sitting still so the nice nurse man can give me a new IV in the other arm**, and they order me a urine sample and a CT scan with contrast. Luckily, though, the nurse I got was a saint and made sure I got my morphine shot before they took me for the CT. Anyway, I'm waiting, the morphine isn't working great, but it's there, but then, out of nowhere, the morphine STOOS WORKING so im back to Very Loud Sobbing, and this nurse, wonderful man he is, comes over and says "so I put your pain at a ten, cool?" And it's funny but I'm still dying so they give me toroidal (which helped A LOT btw, i was sleepy and giggling for a While) and once it had kicked in he wheeled me over to the restroom for the urine sample, which was all fine and good, we passed a girl in the hall that I went to highschool with, he even paused the wheelchair so I could say hi, and when they eventually finished their testing, they essentially said "our bad man, 👎it's actually kidney stones :/" and told me that I had already passed some, but that there were some still there that could pass anytime between that night and a year from now. So they give me a whole slew of drugs - antibiotics, prostate relaxer (for the bladder? idk), nausea pills, two different pain meds (one lighter, one heavier) and sent me home. Cut to now, it appears that the time has come for at least one to pass, and it FUCKING HURTS and i'm ON MY PERIOD***, screaming swears into the ceiling, and generally having a bad time, so basically my life sucks lmao

*I have been to the ER many, many times, and had many, many IVs before, but Not Once has it ever hurt, and this shit HURT. As soon as I took off the bandage, there was a massive bruise that has lasted over a week. :|

**this IV was wonderful, and didn't even leave a little baby bruise, barely even a mark, ily nurse that was assigned to me mwah

***also its not just period pain, I do in fact know the difference now :|

[csrnini]

23.01.14

i lowk intend on using this as kinda like a diary. mostly because i'm sick of using instagram and also bcs idk like no one uses tumblr really so i feel like it'd be more private. anyway yesterday was really funny. got to school and went straight to the rr to smoke and also just to chill. i've noticed that i'm by myself more than anything and i kinda like it that way.. i love being by myself but i mean it obv gets lonely sometimes but anyway i wasn't late to my first for once.. i think it's because i couldn't find who i normally hang with and then i was called to the office and my ass literally sank i was so scared.. but once i went into the office they were just talking to me about changing my schedule bcs i do not wanna do swim anymore.. like i only did it for one person and after her and i had that little falling out i was over it plus 3 girls in that class talk the most shit ab me so yea no im not tryna stay in there so yea now im not in swim anymore :3 i'm kinda upset tho bcs that was my free period but they were starting to take points off bcs people weren't swimming and i didn't wanna fail ANOTHER class..

okay anyway, uhm i honestly don't remember what i did during debate class.. i'm pretty sure i just sat there and looked at meaningless shit on my phone.. aileen and her friend were obviously either faking their high or actually high and they were laying on the carpet next to me. they weren't bothering me but like you don't talk to me normally why would you talk to me now yk? but anywho after that class during lunch i tried staying with londyn and sydney and them during lunch but idk tony was in there and i really just couldn't. it's not that i can't stand him but being around him just makes me feel sad and i don't like it. so i spent majority of lunch in the rr waiting for the lunch period to end. i couldn't find bree and i didn't feel like walking around to find her. so i went to the rr and just sat there for half an hour on my phone or listening to music. im surprised no admin came in and kicked me out. after that was history which i def should've skipped bcs i sat there stoned for 20 mins then passed out. and these white kids were laughing at me like im tired and stoned i honestly couldn't even tell where i was looking it was a great high but also terrifying. Anyway after that was alg 2 and i was not rolling up to that mans class high AGAIN plus the people in the period are so annoying so i totally skipped that class and sat outside. AND OFC tony and his fuckass friends were outside. i didn't really know anyone outside so i js sat there with naveah who was pissed asf cs some girl that she wanted her man and they wanted to fight each other but the guy wouldn't let nae idk smth like that and i was so stoned to the point where i could've even like make reading look normal i was so out of it and i vaguely remember don yelling at me and lelani laughing and i probs should've went outside the patio and sat on the school lawn but idk i didn't feel like moving at all i was comfy where i was at tbh anyway then i got on the bus and talked to this white girl and she told me all her problems and i honestly like rlly liked listening to her and then i got home and my gma was there to take me to her house bcs my mom went out of town. ok but like side rant, i hate whenever she just pawns me off to my gma instead of asking me if i'd want to go to my friends' houses or just stay by myself but every time she leaves i have to go with my gma which like i don't mind but i'd rather be with my friends yk? uhm so i got to her house and basically slept for a few hours and then i got up and made terrible ass pancakes like three times bcs i can't cook for shit much less cook high so yea no it was a disaster.

[highwaydiamonds]

💋🕊💒 for the asks please!

Thank you Kim - you’re a dear and I appreciate you so much 💖

💋- kissing in the dark or kissing in the rain?

Probably kissing in the dark? The dark can be so intimate and soft with someone. The rain makes for good movie scenes but unless we’re under a big umbrella we might end up drowned rats kissing lol. If we’re under a roof then kissing in the rain is good tho - but let’s say I’d rather kiss in the dark and dance in the rain

💒- which show would you want to live in?

That’s such a hard question! I love the color and quirkiness of something like Pushing Daisies - I loved the world that show was in - not just the characters. The wacky colors and sets and everything kind of half a bubble off plumb. There are period piece shows that might be fun but lbr I probs wouldn’t end up a well off heroine - and no thx to being a downstairs servant with just one half day off in who knows how long lol. It’d be fun to have lived in Jeeves and Wooster - the hilarity of it all. I don’t think I have a solid answer atm - but if I were picking a movie - probably austenland- it feels honest to choose it lol

🕊️- 3 habits you have? Ok - let’s try and be positive right bc I’m sure there are more bad than good ones I have BUT good habits….

1) Um I have been trying to be better with some semblance of a skin routine so I’m happier with how my skin looks.

2) I out on perfume everyday- I have several perfumes and I wear it even if im going to the gym- which I haven’t been good about at all the last few months - perfume makes me feel better about who I am feeling like today - it’s part of getting dressed to me

3) therapy- I try to meet with my therapist once a week or keep n contact with her by messaging- it’s something I’m doing for my mental health and brain y do I need it lol. Having by someone there to support you without. That vested interest- not pressuring you the way friends and family do has been good for me.

Thank you again Kim - you’re such a gem💎

[skin-slave]

Guys I know I suck, I know I've sucked for a few months, I am so sorry, idk what to tell you, I am prob not gonna stop sucking for a while, just pls know I lub u all so much and I miss you and it's not on purpose

[scorpiozun]

ive nearly never had an end of the year be this bad for me mentally

[robitherat]

..

[cielles-random-vault]

meet the admin post (*^▽^)/★*☆♪

contains:

1- some things about me

2- my boundaries/ dni list

3- what i will write for!

☆ 1- some things about me !

im a lonely pal named kaheri online

my irl name is cielle- i don't mind being called this online but 🧍🏻‍♀️ please call me that only if i say so/ we are close

im a transmasc demigender/agender or pangender really struggling to find my identity rn but 🧍🏻‍♀️ im gay and go by any pronouns (neos included :D) except she/her

huhh im also autistic, have adhd and bpd so please bare with me ( ｡ﾟДﾟ｡)

i started writing ever since i was a kid and i crave online validation (/hj) so i decided to post online

atm i don't have a regular post schedule because if i did it'd be way too much pressure on my mental health so (　:ﾟ皿ﾟ) i try to at least post twice/three times a week but i ain't promising anything

+ don't be mad at me if there are any spelling mistakes im not a native speaker and ?? even though i was i wouldn't give a shit that's my blog 🤓 /lh

my requests are always open unless stated otherwise ! please refer to the third part for what i will write about :>

also speaking tones are very much appreciated 🫠 /lh

☆ my boundaries/dni

dni stands for do not interact which means well i don't want people who do things above

homophobic/"neos aren't valid" people

"only cis women have their periods" ppl

adults‼️ following/liking/reblogging my stuff is more than ok but i draw the line at dming me

UNTITLED/BOTS LIKE BLOGS YALL GO STRAIGHT TO BLOCKLIST /nm

uhhhhhh thats all ? i'll update it later

oh and also "self diagnose isn't valid 🤓☝🏻" stfu you stupid ahh ableist

☆ what i will write for!

i can write for pretty much anything but if it's not something from the list please provide me a little information on the characters because it won't be accurate if i do research on my own

SPIDERMAN INTO/ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE OMG PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REQUEST ME STUFF FROM IT

i can write for any characters except the spot because well.

uhhh i most likely won't do full fics on demand except i reallyy like what you're proposing. also i won't write anything with gwen don't ask why i just really hated her behavior.

uhhh i can write both nsfw and sfw js specify :D also this goes without saying but if i write nsfw it will be in an aged up au!

the amazing world of gumball!

i loved this series ever since i was a child so <3 <3 OBVIOUSLY NO NSFW?!?! and hum yea hcs only

overwatch !

it was my previous hyperfixation so >:)

mmm i'll only write stuff for hanzo, mc cree, kiriko and- i forgot

yea i can write nsfw with no problem 🙆🏻‍♀️

south park omg

it was also one of my previous hyperfixations

so 🙆🏻‍♀️ huh ill only write for the four main characters and prob wendy 🕺🏻

aged up au if nsfw 🦅

CHAINSAW MAN

uhhh yea any characters but i didn't read latest chapters so yea (　ﾟﾛﾟ)!!

nsfw ? idk i'll see

ok i think that's all? have a nice day ( ﾟ∀ﾟ)人(ﾟ∀ﾟ ) <3

[marengogo]

hi dunno if you had this question or not but do u think before jikook become a "thing" vmin and jihope messed around... cos if u ask other blogs they will beat around the bushes but aint nobody actually answering lol im saying this cos vmin are close as jihope hobi was his roomate tho (roomates) i didnt see jimin &hobi dynamic turn around like this until bv in malta or burn the stage..?

anyway it doesnt changr my opinion on jikook im just curious cos it looks like they prob messed around lol and

at some point i think rm had a crush on jimin too thats why sometimes jungkook had ?? a "problem with minimoni " monitoring jikook

Hello Anon,

Sure, let’s talk abou it.

No, I don’t think JM messed around with any other member in BTS before, during or after JK. Short answer; amongst other factors, one (not the main factor but  …) is it would take a person who actually thinks they are desired in such a manner to do so, and quite unfortunately, for the longest time, I do believe JM didn’t believe himself to be said person at all. As for the Long answer, let’s look at each pairing you mentioned, shall we?

Let’s start with giving some context to my thoughts: 

Not sure if you read any other of my posts, but I think 2015 was the year JK started “peacocking” so to say, at JM, and through ups and downs it took them 2017/2018 to actually enter a steady relationship and by steady I don’t mean they were in an open relationship prior to this. What I mean is that they both were trying to figure out things like, for example; what they actually were feeling for each other, or would them “being together” actually work, or could they really actually do this., etc, etc etc.  

Furthermore, I should add, that I believe JM “taunting” JK with requests of kisses and telling him he liked him and wanted to go out with him etc, as they already had a very good relationship off-camera (as proven by various interviews), was just an also quite naive approached mixing at an attempt to establish a connection with JK on camera, with feelings he still himself hadn’t quite properly acknowledged. In simple words: He was consciously kidding about feelings he subconsciously already had but never really took seriously. 

Last but not least, I’m team: JK made the actual first move, which is not to be confused with: he fell first, he fell harder, etc … whatever with all that BS. And yes, people are entitled with their own opinions, but yeah, I didn’t see none of that. I’m talking about moves. If you will, look at it as a chess game, at some point in 2015 JK impulsively/(frustratedly) moved a pawn at a game neither he or JM knew they were playing; and the “game” began. 

Ok … now that you have the pretext, let’s go back to our regularly scheduled program of the day: 

VMIN: We have a period between 2012 (when JM joined BH) and 2015 where JM supposedly would have had the time to be messing around with Tae. Because after 2015, JK’s not very well structured (lol) plan of action kept JM rather busy (added to the fact that JM was going through personal awakenings of his own). Now this particular friendship during and pre 2015 gave us pearls such as this:

JM and Tae have a very deep, unique and special friendship and  like every relationship in the world, context matters, but like every great relationship, theirs, goes beyond that (context). Their context was/is South Korea, being both of the same age bracket (‘95) they had a common ground on which they began to bond, as age is an important factor in SK, but then there was more. For example, they just so happened to fall into the catching up team. One (JM) arrived last in the group, and was playing catch up internally (with the members), the other had been there for a while, but was only revealed after debut, so he was playing catch up externally (with fans not knowing about him until debut). And please don’t think that one is harder than the other, particularly not on the scale of things they were in.  

And there were their personalities. What were the chances that two young men, so different in thoughts and actions could be so compatible in soul/Seoul? Tae standing up for JM at school, JM playing along with Tae’s acting passion, them allowing themselves to be vulnerable with each other. Making mistakes with each other. Taking the time to make it right with each other. We are never going to know how deep this connection goes between the two of them. And here is where you might think: “I’d want to give it a go romantically with such a connection!”. I’d want to as well, NGL,  if only I had realised it and if my preferences were also so inclined. 

But here’s what I think happened/ was(is) the situation:

1. Tae, out of all the members was/is the one member, who knew/knows exactly who he is. And I can’t assume people’s sexualities, but, in MY opinion,  from what I’ve seen, I feel like he is a very big ally, but straight (or at the very least queer-curious? Those that even exist?).  I think Tae is very secure in his skin and loves to test his limits constantly and not because it is fun to do, but because he can and it would possibly allow him to maybe gain something from doing so. Most likely, all the time spent being a secret member, also gave him the time to think about how he wanted to be perceived, which also eventually would have ended up affecting everything else positively or negatively. So when it came to JM, someone he started to feel really close to, he let his guard down, completely. So much so that sometimes he just would almost test him, or throw at him anything that he came across in his mind, just to see how far their relationship could go? And, even if at some point he did think to maybe try and give it a go romantically, the next point came up.

2. JM wasn’t up for it. Not in a mean way or dismissive way, not at all; you really got to care a lot about someone to end up fighting and being emotionally-drunk over fucking dumplings. Let that sink in. Another thing that needs to sink in is that JM does, and will do, what he feels and what he wants. Always (Ironically enough, so will Tae, another thing they have in common). At the time, JM was the last member to join, he was struggling with his identity, he was publicly struggling with JK (not irrelevant) and who knows what more. So his brain had to somehow work with processes of elimination to keep sane and in my opinion, if ever Tae made a move, it was shut down, because JM also needed friends. Friends are always needed. Friends are important, have them if you can. And I do think that Tae was friendzoned, early on, because he was a good friend at that. Tae was his ‘95 buddy, his “we are kinda going through the same shit” buddy, his let’s conquer the musical world together buddy. But all was very platonic, because, even though the subconscious may not be out there; it is there and JK was in it. 

JIHOPE: Jung Hoseok. The worlds’ brightest ray of light with a powerful little cloud hidden at the corner of his caring soul. In a way, just like JM a troubled soul (like every member really  … like everyone on this planet really!). But Hobi and JM had something else to bond over first and foremost: DANCE. That probably started the conversation with the two of them but then there was fashion, shopping, laughing at dumb stuff, the aching need to become the best version of oneself, the natural want to find and provide comfort to those who needed it the most. 

Hobi and JM connected on a nurturing level. One thing I feel strongly about, is that Hobi never had any sort of romantic thoughts towards any of the members in BTS and perhaps a part of JM picked up on that and allowed him to feel “secure”. Secure in the sense where he knew that every touch, every hug, every kiss (we are talking of friendly pecks) was out of caring love, and had no chance of being misinterpreted, ever. Reason why I think JM had singled out Hobi as the mother of the group at the very beginning, but now I do believe that Hobi is kinda like that caring brother, who would do anything to support his brothers.

Also, something that people seem to either not think about, or just really underestimate is that Hobi was spending quite a lot of time with JK as well. 3J get along, not only because they are good dancers. I’ve always felt that out of all the hyungs, Hobi was the one that truly treated JK like an actual little brother, allowing him to pester him, and not in the same way he did with Jin. Jin mentally also becomes a maknae (or even younger, lol) when he gets into it. Hobi just had that big brother vibe doting on a cute little brother, something that JM has tried as well, but was never quite like Hobi.

Another thing that Hobi does a lot is observe, he is a quick learner, he observes and quickly puts in practice. I can guarantee you there was a lot of that while he was hanging out with Jikook and part of me thinks that at some point, he observed and put in practice by questioning JM. Hobi has this way of nonchalantly bringing up pertaining/delicate points in any situation, without making a big deal out of it. This might have eventually made him become someone who JM could confide in and talk to about things he didn’t necessarily know how to with others.

And last ..

JK and MINIMONI: I’ve actually quite recently written about Minimoni, so please do read this if you would → CORONA BOREALIS - 1: The Emphat & The Intellectual - MiniMoni. Upon reading that (if you do) you’ll see why I think, neither ever had feelings for each other. So, no Joon never had a crush on JM. Now because of another very long ask (sent to me now an eternity ago), I just so happen to have to write about NamKook, so look out for it, it’s going to be called → CORONA BOREALIS - 2: WonderBoy & The Wanderer - NamKook, should be coming out pretty soon. 

But to answer your question, I don’t think JK has ever had a problem with RM monitoring them (neither did JM), I think he’d probably understand that Namjoon would have no other choice but to do so on occasion, particularly if things seemed like they were getting out of hand. If anything, at the very beginning JK has had moments in which he seemed uncomfortable with MiniMoni’s interactions, which was probably caused by unintelligible fears and projections, (which were directed at JM rather than RM) and as humans who have lived on this planet we all know a little bit about this don’t we? … But JK’s possible insecurities are a whole other story, isn’t it?

Currently, I think JK appreciates Namjoon’s presence more than we know, and because he knows him, and knows JM, he most likely understands why and on what level MiniMoni connect. I think that JK has been on a mission, for a while now, to have RM see him as a capable grown ass man, he’d like for the man he admires to look at him and think “yeah, you really do got this, don’t you?” (not that I don’t think Namjoon doesn't already think this of JK), but I also believe that deep down JK just needs someone to keep looking up to and not someone he has to beat, if it makes sense? But I’ll better discuss this in the NamKook post I’m writing.

Well, not sure that I’ve answered your questions but I sure did express my opinions in this long-ass post haven’t I? MY BAD.

Always very respectfully your 🫰🏾💜,

Marengo.