#which they admit to but it’s disappointing

[adelliet]

Wolverine x f!reader

STRIP-TEASE SECRETS

Summary: You work as a stripper at a local club. It's a normal busy Friday, but fate has other plans for you, when you spot a handsome man, sitting at the bar.

Warnings: MDNI 18+, strong language, anxiety, nicknames, stripper work, inappropriate touching, fingering, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected sex (p i v), creampie, flirting, sensitive themes, aftercare

A/n: Hi pookies! I want to apologize for any grammatical mistakes or nonsensical sentences. English is not my native language! Thank you and enjoy <3

"Come on dude, when was the last time you had a good fuck?" Wade asked with a bit of curiosity in his voice, but all he got was a frown that instilled horror. "Ugh come on sugarbear! You'll enjoy yourself for a while and then you'll be out in no time!" Wade didn't take Logan's warning look seriously and still tried to convince his annoyed friend to go to the strip club with him.

"This is not for me" Logan finally answered, although it was a very cutting and strict voice. Wase sighed again, but decided to keep trying. "Okay, well, at least walk me in and then do whatever you want. You know I'm only going there for Vanessa" Logan knew how much that asshole loved the stripper. He talks about her all the time. Although Logan had seen her just few times, he felt that she was a perfect match for Wade, the two complement each other and, after all, opposites attract.

"Fine, but I'll just accompany you, nothing else" Logan hated when his roommate brought out his kind and helpful side. He hates to admit it, but he really likes that bastard. As soon as Logan said that, Wade’s eyes lit up and he formed a huge, slightly terrifying, grinning from ear to ear. He looked like a kid that got a lollipop.

He recklessly lunged at Logan and hugged him tight, really tight. Logan grunted in annoyance and held his hands to his sides as he was trapped by the male body of his roommate. After a few seconds, Logan tried to break free from the hug, but it wasn't that easy. After a few more stronger attempts, he finally jerked and pushed Wade away from him. It was a bit of a personal move, but Wade didn't mind, he was still smiling like a clown.

"Okay, I'm going to change and then we can go" Wade said contentedly and immidiately disappeared into his room. Logan sighed and shook his head. Wade is really a teenager trapped in an adult body and everybody knows it.

When they both arrived at the parking lot right next to a small building with a pink glowing sign that has a silhouette of a naked woman on it, Logan was already fed up. Even if you were blind, you could tell by the loud music coming from the bulding, that this was some kind of club. Women's laughter added spice to it and especially the last hint that it was a strip club.

"So, we're here " Wade excitedly pulled out the car keys and checked on Logan, who didn't look thrilled twice. "Come on, don't be so grumpy" He nudged him lightly with his shoulder, which only made him angrier. Wade just let out a disappointed sigh as he still tried to talk Logan down with his puppy dog ​​eyes.

"There's no fucking chance you're going to get me there" Logan growled angrily, looking away from Wade, so he couldn't manipulate him anymore with his stupid face. "Sure, of course…only that there is a bar with drinks and many types of beer” Wade smirked, knowing the alcohol would work on Logan, and it really did. "Seriously?" Logan jerked his head and looked at Wade. "Yep, there's ale, lager, stout, porter and many more. There is also way more stronger liquids and-" "5 beers and I'm leaving" Logan made a statement and left the car in rapid speed. Wade happily pulled down a fist and quickly ran after Logan.

Loud music tickled your ears while you were backstage, getting ready to replace your colleague on the stage. “Girl be careful, they are quite…aggressive today” Vanessa advised you while you were adding last details to your makeup. You looked at at Vanessa with worried expressions through the reflection in the mirror.

Fridays were always the roughest. The club was full of men of all ages, married or single, no one really cared till' they paid, but you kinda did. Whenever you saw a guy with a ring on his hand while his tongue is almost falling out and his eyes are full of lust, it made you disgusted, but you can't just get out of the role and stop dancing. This is just one of the negatives of being a stripper.

The positive thing is money, lots of money. Plus, there are specific rules there that customers must follow, otherwise they will be kicked out by security guards. One of the biggest and most important rules is not to touch the dancers. You'd be lying if you said you've never been touched by a guy while dancing, but luckily, it wasn't anything serious and when it was, security always took care of it. You and other strippers kind of came up with this rule and it was a damn great idea. It gives you a little peace in your head, knowing that your back is guarded by massive bodybuilders.

"Like every Friday" you sighed and pressed the lid back on the lipstick. Vanessa just nodded in agreement and gave you a supportive look, as you got up from your chair and walked over to her. "Oh and my boyfriend is picking me up today" "Wade?" you added and Vanessa's eyes immediately lit up. You've never actually met or see Wade on your own, but you heard about him a lot. Vanessa just won't stop talking about him and even tho it annoy you sometimes, you find it sweet. She is so in love and you hope that one day, you'll have what she has.

"You remember!" she smiled and you chuckled. "Of course I remember, you talk about him every day" Vanessa nervously laugh and blushed, as you accused her of something, that is clearly obvious. She then gave you apologetic eyes. “Don't worry Van, I don't mind” she immidiately smiled and breath in to say something, but before she manage to do that, you heard your name and command to go on stage.

You took a deep breath and gave Vanessa one last warm smile, before opening the curtains and revealing yourself. You put on your typical sexy smirk and slowly walk over to a shiny pole with grace. During your cat walk, you already obtain a lot of whistles and creepy growling.

You looked around, smiling at the men sitting around you, staring at you like hunters for their prey. When you got to your pole, you gracefully turned around it, showing your back and your ass, receiving another wave of whistles. You always loved this beginning, when everything was just getting started, but you adored the dance itself the most. It didn't even matter that all the men admired you and wanted to fuck you, you lived for pole dancing and for money.

The music slowly started to pick up, and so did your movements. You wrapped one leg around the pole and turned slightly on it like a swan. Your hair fluttered softly with the movement of your head and body. On every beat of the song, you made some sexy move, rough and nimble, that drove all men crazy. Your confident face was the icing on the cake for the whole dance and before long, you had a pile of cash on the stage.

Your dance moves were getting hotter and hotter, your facial expressions were extremely flirtatious and you were enjoying it as much as you could. Money poured in to your feet, some of the men stood up and reached out to touch you, just a little. You played with them, the power on the stage always gave you plenty of confidence and the sight of the males beneath you, made you feel mighty.

All the stress and fear of men was gone and the whole area, where you were present, smelled of feminism, strenght and bitter sex. All signs that gave men erection in a second. You yourself noticed that some of them already had a tent in their pants, but you couldn't decide if you were flattered or disgusted. Either way, there was no time for this, there was no time to think. When it comes to striptease, thinking always goes by wayside.

The song was approaching an end, your choreography was slowing down but still had some sort of passion and spiciness in it. You bite your lips as you were laying on your back, your hand traveling from your neck lower and lower. When your hand was close to your sensitive spot between your legs, your eyes quickly flicked at the bar. It was a natural instinct to find out if the men at the bar were also looking at you, or at your colleague, that was dancing on the other side of the club.

Your eyes caught a target. There was only one man sitting at the bar, middle-aged with long brown hair and a beard. You didn't have time to analyze him in more detail, but nevertheless he stuck in your memory, because he was really looking at you, but not in a creepy hungry way. This guy had a neutral expression, not moving a single muscle as he watched you. This was not usual.

You had to admit that he caught you off guard, but you still had a few seconds left to complete your choreography, which you did perfectly. In addition to loud applause, whistles and male deep shouts, you also received another avalanche of money. You smiled as you bowed and went to grab the money, but one of the men crawled onto the stage and aggressively grabbed your hair.

You immediately dropped the money and gasped loudly, trying to break free from the man's grip, but luckily the security guards stopped him, before anything worse could happen. You moved away from the edge of the stage with lightning speed and when you saw those hungry faces, your confidence disappeared and was replaced by fear again. Anxiety began to besiege you and you quickly ran backstage in a panic.

"Hey hey hey darlin' what's wrong?" Vanessa immediately took care of you and stroked your back while you still had terror in your eyes. "You were right, they are aggressive" you said and Vanessa hugged you, rubbing your hair and calming you down. Sometimes you think you weren't made for this. Yes, you love dancing and yes, pole dancing even more, but you also have these anxious moments whenever something like that happens. Being a stripper means having courage, strength and not being a pussy, but you don't exactly have these properties.

"It's okay, I'm fine, I just had to calm down a bit" you broke free from the hug and smiled softly at Vanessa, who didn't quite believe you, but didn't want to burden you with questions. "'Kay but you know what would help? A really strong drink." you rolled your eyes and shook your head in disbelief, as Vanessa tries to make you an alcoholic again.

"No I'm serious! You will relax and it'll help you!" you knew she was right, she is always right. Whenever you get this anxiety attack, or whatever that is, alcohol is the best cure. "Thanks Van" she gave you a warm smile and then checked the clock. "Shit! I gotta go" her eyes widened and quickly grabbed her purse. "Bye darlin' be safe!" she shouts at you as she was disappearing into the distance.

You were shaking your head as your lips left a soft giggle and decided to take Van's advice. You just quickly check your make-up in a mirror, if it's not ruined and then change your clothes into a less revealing suit. There is another, kinda strict rule, that dancers are not allowed to change into non-striptease clothes, until they left. It was a little uncomfortable, walking around all those men in the sexy revealing fabric. You were little too close to them and since almost everyone were higher than you, even though you were wearing heels, you felt like a sheep among wolves. Easy to catch and security wouldn't even notice you among the heavy crowd.

Still, despite the danger, you decided to risk it and go to the bar for a drink that would boost your energy. You were already thinking which one you'd choose, when you noticed that there was no one sitting at the bar, not even the guy whom you saw during your seductive dance.

You felt little dissaponted, because he seemed fine, even though you saw him just for a second from a distance. You wanted to get to know him, but fate apparently had other plans. You didn't bother with it for a long time and sat down on one of the barstools.

"One martini please" you raised a finger at bartender Kevin, who is a gay therapist for strippers and a very good friend. "Someone attacked you again?" he asked as he was cleaning glass with a cloth and analyzed your frustrated face. You felt chill down your spine, as Kevin said again. The worst part was, that it was true, this isn't the first and probably not the last time some asshole touched or attacked you while dancing. On the other hand, this is the best reason and excuse to get drunk.

“Okay baby don't worry, I'll double the gin shot for you” he smiled and you smiled back, even though you were completely bushed.You turn around on your seat and by the time Kevin was preparing your drink, you watched your colleague dancing on the stage you were just standing on few minutes ago.

She was breathtaking, her moves were graceful and delicate and her make-up perfectly suit her dress. She was your inspiration and you watched her not only because she danced amazingly, but to catch some of her moves and add them to your own choreography. She dazzled you so much that you didn't even realize how quickly time passed and Kevin already slide your glass to you.

“Thanks” you whisper to him and nod your head while you took a sip from your glass. Woah, it was really strong. You winced, squeezing your eyes as you felt the burning liquid sliding in your throat. When it finally reached your stomach, you put the glass back on the bar table and breath out. This was exactly what you needed. But before you could take another sip, you were interrupted by a large male hand on your waist. You jumped on your seat and looked behind you, surprised and confused at once.

Anyway, the sight did not satisfy you at all. An older man around 40s with a long beard smiled at you like a creep. He walked around you and sat right next to you at the bar. Unfortunately, Kevin was on the other side of the bar, far away from you, talking with someone and it looked like a long conversation. "So babygirl, how much?" he scurrilously asked you and stroked your shoulder with his finger, which you jerked instantly.

“Excuse me?” you offendedly furrowed your eyebrows and checked the guy up and down. When you notice a golden ring embracing one of his finger, it made you sick. "Come on sweatheart, I got the money just tell me how much" his deep voice makes your heartbeat quicker, but not from excitement, from fear.

"Sir I don't know what you're talking about" you knew very well what he was talking about, you just hoped he meant something else. "Come on, don't play dumb" you knew it's getting serious when you felt his hand on your thigh, squeezing and massaging it. Your whole body was surrounded by goosebumps, your hands and legs started to shake.

"Sir, get your hand off me" you still tried not to fully panic and convince the guy, but you slowly started losing hope. "Or what?" he smiled mockingly, sliding his hand upwards. You breathed in and closed your eyes, still trying to stay calm and act formally. "Or the security guards will kick you out" this warning didn't scare that creep at all, on the contrary, it made him laugh even more. "Oh really? You think they'll see you through all the people in here?" the answer was clearly no, you knew that and that made you feel even more stressed.

You nervously look around, trying to find even one security guard nearby, but it was in vain, everyone was paying attention around your fellow dancers and not others. "Don't be scared, we're going to have a good time together" he squeezed your thigh again, really hard this time, making you gasp. "Sir, I'm begging you for the last time, take that hand off me and go away" you voice was shaking, clearly showing that you're afraid, but there was also a clear warning in your voice, which he still didn't take seriously.

"And I'm telling you for the last time, be a good girl and do what I tell you" he hissed through his teeth. You could notice he was getting angrier that you were still refusing him and you've already thought about a plan how you're going to ran away from him. Suddenly, you heard another man's coughing behind that bastard, who was still holding your leg tightly.

You both looked after the sound and reacted differently. When you realize it was the guy that watched you during your dance, your eyes lit up with hope and a tiny smile appeared on your face. That idiot next to you just gave him a nasty look and groan. “Get lost” he turned his head back to you. "I'm afraid you're sitting in my seat" Your hero snarled, still standing behind the creep. "Not anymore, now leave us alone" you just watched them with anticipation.

"You know you're breaking a rule?" this was the last straw for that asshole. He swiftly turned around and stood up, so that he was on the same level as the pretty looking guy, except he wasn't. The married one was smaller and he just embarrassed himself by this move. You tried your best not to laugh. "I'll repeat it for the last time, get lost" the creep growled angrily, as if it was supposed to instill a fear.

"I'll also repeat it one last time" that handsome suddenly grabbed the other man's shirt and pulled out iron claws from his knuckles, making you jump in shock. He was almost touching the tip of the claws by his neck, just a centimeter in and he would cut his throat in a half. "You broke the rule, don't touch the dancers" that idiot was shaking and sweating in fear, you'd bet he just pooped his pants.

"So it'll go like this bub, you'll apologize this lady, you'll leave and you'll never come back" you couldn't help but smirk and blush a little, his voice was strong and low, he sounded like a wolf and when you were thinking about it, he kinda looked like one. His haircut was formed into ears and his jawline was surrounded by beard, it really gave him that wild-animal look. You had to admit it, it looked really hot.

"Understood?!" he jolted with the guy, when he still didn't receive a response. "Y-yes" that bastard quickly nodded and as soon as he was released, he quickly and quietly apologized to you and bolted from the club in lightning speed. All fear and worry washed away from you, when that wolfie, who just saved your ass, sat down next to you.

You admired him for a sec, before you finally gain enough courage to talk to him. "Thank you" you beeped quietly but he heard you very well. "Sure thing, these guys are disgusting" he looked to the direction that creep ran away and then, without any warning, looked into your face, making eye contact with you. You got lost in his coffee brown eyes almost instantly. For a while, it felt like there was nothing and no one but just the two of you. The music was muffle, vision blurry except from him.

You shook your head a little when you notice his lips moving, clearly saying something to you, but you were too lost in your thoughts. He had to repeat himself again. "You're pretty good dancer" he waved at Kevin to take his order. His simple compliment, which definitely wasn't your first one, made you butterflies in your stomach.

"T-thank you" you stuttered a little, earning a small scuff from him. "I'm Logan, by the way" he finally introduced himself and before you could say your name too, Kevin interrupted you. "Okay Logan, what would you like?" "One beer" Kevin nodded and handed him a green bottle. It took Logan one swift move to open that lid, you knew you would struggle with it for at least fifteen minutes.

You watched him drinking from that bottle, his head slightly threw back, his adam's apple sticking out of his neck and whenever he swallowed, you could hear it and even felt it inside you. Now you felt like a freak. You tried to remember him, analyze every detail on his body and face, because even though you had barely met, you wanted to engrave his sexy face in your head, just in case. Who wouldn't want to remember such a handsome man, that you don't see every day.

"What's your name?" Logan caught you lost in your thoughts again and brought you back to earth. Fortunately, you finally heard his words and answered him. "Y/n" you smiled proudly, when you finally manage to say something without stuttering. "That's a lovely name" he smirked and took another sip from his bottle, while watching you. God this guy was something else.

"I haven't seen you here before..." you break the eye contact out of nervousness and start making circles around your glass with martini. "Maybe because it's my first time here" you look at him surprised. "Really?" he nodded. "Yeah, no offense but this is just not for me" well, you felt a little offended but you also knew how he meant it.

"Right, then why are you here?" "I'm just waiting for my friend" you paused for a moment, squeezing your eyes until you put puzzles together and realized. "Wait, are you Wade?" he looked at you with confused look and furrowed eyebrows, like you just said the nastiest insult that exists.

"No? Why on earth would you think that?" his sudden change in voice caught you by surprise, but when he realized the impact his words had on you, his eyes softened and he cleared his throat before explaining himself. "Wade is my friend, the one I'm waiting for..." you formed your lips in an O shape, when you realized. This made much more sense, not that Van wouldn't pull out this beast, but he's definitely not her type at all.

"...well, was waiting. He texted me few minutes ago that he's goin' to sleep at his girlfriend's house, so I don't have any reason to stay here anymore” he took another sip of beer and you gave him a disappointed expression. "Right..." you sigh and finally took a sip from your own drink too. "Well, maybe I could find a reason to stay" you harshly turned to face him and had to smile, when he clearly indicated that the reason was you.

"So, tell me something about yourself" he asked, trying to keep the conversation flowing. You were already red as a tomato when Logan showed interest in you, even though it was just a normal question without any other intention. It was hard to describe what you felt, but it was some kind of excitement, joy and, above all, safety. You don't even remember how long you felt like this with a man.

"What would you like to know?" you raised your eyebrows flirtatiously and took a sip from your martini, while maintaining eye contact with him. It was a pretty hard task, but you managed to do it ravishingly. "Everything you want me to know" he gave you something between cute and devilish smile, that sends incredible waves of pleasure right between your legs. You placed your glass back on the desk and moved your ass a bit, to lower the vibration in your panties.

“Well I suppose you're wondering, how I got…here” you motioned to the club around you and Logan nodded in agreement. You clear your throat before starting to tell your life-story, which almost no one knows, but you feel a special energy from this man that directly forces you to confide in him.

“My dad left me when I was five and my mom died two years after, so my uncle, who happened to own this club, took me into care” you were too nervous to talk about your difficult childhood and looking into Logan's face the whole time. But whenever you looked at him, he gave you one hundred percent attention and his eyebrows were a little furrowed, how much he concentrated on your every word. "A few years later, I got acquainted with pole dancing, which I started to enjoy and I even won many awards" you giggle as you remembered your cups and medals lying in your room. "But then we had a problem with money, mainly me so I started working here and since then, I was hooked and never let go"

After your lifestory-telling, you finally worked up the courage to look at Logan, who was giving you sad expression. "I'm sorry..." he dropped his head with a deep voice, before an awkward silence appeard for a moment, where only the background music could be heard. "You don't have to, I'm fine!"

You smiled at him and you were truly having a good time right now. You were sitting next to a handsome guy, who saved you from a creep just few minutes ago, you're telling him about yourself without being afraid or regretting it afterwards, you don't need anything more. "Fine? Working here is fine?" he was looking at you through his bushy eyebrows, little frustrated. You didn't know what to say. "Look, you look like a beautiful and talented girl, who has much better potential than parade around in front of horny guys"

"It's not just that..." you lied to yourself, it was exactly about that. That pole dancing was only a bonus, that actually keeps you in this career. “Oh really?” he angrily propped himself up on his elbow and watched you deeply. You looked at him cautiously. "Come on, you know there are much better places than this" he confronts you and you already knew everything he was saying, but it was just hard to suddenly leave when you've already put so much into it. "I know, but it's hard to throw away a thing that's been a part of your life for such a long time" you played with your glass and felt tears creating in your eyes.

"I see..." he sighs. "But change is nice sometimes” he gave you a comfortable smiled and you returned it to him. Maybe he was right, maybe this was all fate and a sign that you should pack it in and finally do something more formal and finally have some pride. "And what about you Logan? What's your backstory, hm?" you turn your whole body towards him, making him scoff at your question. "Well...this is gonna take a long time”

A few hours passed and you knew Logan so well,that it felt like you had known him for years. You told each other stories, trite and funny, told some basic facts about yourselfs and drank one shot after another. Your head was spinning a little, but you still managed to speak and hear clearly.

"You know, you're the first mutant in my life" "Oh really?" he gave you a cocky smile and you nodded. "Yeah, it's great" Logan was already noticing the effect the alcohol had on you, that's why, when you reached for another shot, he grabbed your hand quickly, before gently putting it onto your legs. "I think that's enough" you whined and gave him puppy dog ​​eyes, which did indeed work, but Logan cared about your health more.

"Do you have a ride home?" you shake your head. "Alright, come here" Logan stood up from his seat and offered you a hand for help. You refuse it at first, but when you almost fell down as you climbed off from the barstool, you actually appreciated his help. "Easy baby, easy" you heard his subtle addition of the nickname very well, but you were too drunk to react to it.

Logan held your waist tightly to keep your balance, as you slowly but surely pushing your way through the crowd towards exit. "Do you have everything you need?" Logan looked down at you and it was this moment you actually realized, how tall and big he was. You looked up at him and nodded your head in amazement. His hand on your weist was massive, and so was his body, that entirely hide yours. This was the security you always wanted.

When you finally made it out of the club and into Logan's car, you were asleep within minutes. You didn't perceive your surroundings, nothing at all, all you had in front of you was darkness and dreams. Logan watched you for a moment, before he started the engine and drove away from the parking lot.

A ray of sun shining right into your face woke you up. You groaned and rubbed your eyes until you opened them. Surprisingly, you didn't have a hangover and felt fresh, but there was a small issue, you had no idea where you were.

The blanket you were covered under was not yours, the bed underneath you wasn't yours and last but not least, the room you were in was definitely not yours. Where the fuck are you?!

However, before you could analyze the environment and form an opinion about where you might be at, your answer came, knocking on the door and then slowly opening it. The cracking sound was killing your ears. "Hey, did I wake you up?" Logan asked softly, as his eyebrows rised and he was half out.

You were too stunned to speak, so you just shook your head and gave him a cute little smile. "Good..." he whispered silently and walked fully in. You watched him as he approached you, with a glass of water in his hand. "Here, though you'll be thirsty" he handed you the glass and stood in front of you, waiting until you hydrate yourself.

"So um...you were pretty drunk yesterday" you almost choke as those words tickle your eardrums. "D-did I say something…inappropriate?" you asked cautiously with concern in your voice. "No....no" he scoffed and shook his head, making you exhale from the relief.

"You just kept telling me how handsome I am" your eyes widened and you immediately started turning red. You gave him an are you serious look, but unfortunately, he wasn't kidding. You put the glass next to the bedside table and dropped your head into your hands. "Sorry" you whined into your palms, earning another scoff from Logan.

“Don't apologize darlin'-" he cut his sentence with coughing, which helps you think about other things than how you totally embarrassed yourself yesterday. "Um…it's pretty late for breakfast, what do you want for lunch?" he quickly changed the subject, but you didn't forget that nickname he just called you by. "Lunch? No wait I don't want to bother you" you got out of bed and only then you realized, you were still in your sexy outfit and forgot to change at the club.

Logan's eyes quickly checks you out before looking away like a gentleman, even though he literally saw you in this dress yesterday. He cleared his throat to ease the awkward situation, but that didn't really help. "Um I'm just gonna-" you wanted to walk past him but he grabbed your wrist tightly and pushed you back in front of him. "I won't let you out with hungry stomach" he said while directly watching into your eyes. It felt like he hypnotized you, so you agreed.

"There are some of my t-shirts in the closet..." he said, scratching his neck as he made his way to the door. "Then come to kitchen" these were the last words before he closed the door behind him. You stood stiffly in place, trying to process this whole situation.

It felt like a dream, yesterday you were at a bar with a funny, gorgeous man and in the morning, you wake up at his house, dressed and safe. What kind of fanfic is this?

Putting on one of Logan's dark green shirts, that reached your knees, you carefully walked out of the room into, what appeared to be the kitchen. Logan wasn't there though, but you quickly turned behind you, when you heard sounds of fabric and floor creaking. Logan stood up from the couch and checked you out again. He don't even try to hide it.

"It suits you better than me" he pointed at you, making you blush and giggle. You felt like a 10 years old again, the most comfortable feeling. Logan walked over to you, not too close but close enough. You were glaring at him, your neck hurting from keeping your head up, looking into his coffee coded eyes. "What do you want for lunch?" "W-what?" you got a little lost in your thoughts and had to recap what Logan just asked you.

“Oh…I don't know, anything” you didn't want to look demanding and at the same time, you didn't want to busy yourself with talking, when you could watch this handsome guy. "Have you ever had sushi?" you furrow your eyebrows, trying to remember the taste of it. "No..." you shake your head, surprised by yourself that you haven't had that before. "Really? You have to try it" Logan raised his eyebrows in disbelief and made a decision.

He walked around you and picked up the phone, ordering a sushi and some sodas with it. During his call, you had plenty of time to admire him again, how small that phone looked in his hand. How did his hair look so silky and divine, what kind of shampoo is he using? And his eyes? God his eyes are your new favorite series.

When Logan hung up, you had to come back to reality and act like a normal person, not some creep who constantly admires him. "Now we'll wait" his corners lifted up and you had to lean on the counter to keep your balance. Does he even realize what he's doing to you? Or is it just a hangover from yesterday...hard to say.

“So you're telling me you've never had sushi before?” Logan leaned against the counter you were also leaning on, making the distance between you smaller. "No!" you laugh out, making Logan shake his head in disbelief accompanied by a tsk tsk tsk. "I can't believe it" he dramatized the situation and you made an ironic-offended expression. You were holding eye contact for a few seconds, before both of you broke and laughed.

"Um...by the way" you said when you calmed down a bit. "I wanted to thank you for everything, actually" you nervously played with your fingers, waiting for Logan's reaction. You were stressed over nothing, because Logan used a warm smile to let you know, that you had nothing to be thankful for.

Suddenly, his phone rings, announcing that the food is here. "And now you gonna find out how heaven feels like" he winks at you as he leaves the apartment quickly. You giggle and cover your face, feeling the heat coming from your cheeks. You must look like a tomato right now.

It wasn't long before Logan returned with a brown paper bag. He looked so excited. Without any further words, he quickly came to the counter, unwrapped the sushi and opened it. Before you blinked twice, he was already holding one roll between his fingers. "Open your mouth" he guides you, waiting for your lips to part away.

You obediently did as he told you. Logan slowly pushed the roll into your mouth, his eyes twitching between your lips to your eyes. You wrapped your lips around his fingers, sucking the remains, until a pop sound came from you. He jerked his head to get over his dirty thoughts and eagerly waited for your reaction. You kept him tense for a while, chewing loudly with a focused expression.

A proud smile started forming on his face, when you close your eyes and groan in pleasure of the taste. "How's it?" he asked to make sure you 100% liked it. "It's...delicious" he clapped his hands and screamed in excitement, right after you said that. He was satisfied and glad, throwing one sushi in his mouth as a reward.

"Damn it's really good" you giggle as you keep chewing. "I know!" Logan happily shouted and grab another roll, waiting for you to take it from his fingers. You did, sucking on his fingers again and couldn't lie, teasing him a little by that move. “Mhmm” you grunted and threw your head back. Logan watched you, taking a deep inhale, trying really hard not to create unchristian scenarios in his head, but you were making it really hard for him.

“Come here, you have to try it with this sauce too” he waves at you, giving you a signal to come closer to him. You didn't hesitate any further and spawn right next to him in a matter of seconds. Even though you were already close enough and able to grab the sushi roll yourself, Logan took it into his own hands anyway.

He grab the roll, dip it into sauce and put a hand underneath it, to not soil the floor. He turned to face you. "Mouth" Logan ordered again and you opened your mouth with a smirk on your face, keeping eye contact with him the entire process. Once again, when his fingers touched your lips, you cupped them and sucked everything off them until you pulled away and made a little POP sound.

You hummed in pleasure again, the taste tickling all the taste buds on your tongue and you absolutely loved it. "That's my favorite food from now" Logan chuckled and watched your hand reaching for another roll and effortlessly put it into your mouth. You looked up at him, smiling as you chewed.

Suddenly, Logan stopped smiling, so did you. He slowly and gently grabbed your chin and used his thumb to wipe a bit of the sauce that was left on the corner of your mouth. He sucked the finger, grinning as your eyes were full of lust, anticipation and hungry.

"Fuck" he groaned before grabbing your jaw and kissing you. It was passionate and long kiss, just to test how you'd react, but you responded very positively. You kissed him again, wrapping your hands around his neck while tasting his thin lips. His hand slides around your body, stopping at your hips, giving them a gentle squeeze. You rose on tiptoes and moaned into his mouth, as he squeezed you again.

"You have no idea how long I've been craving for this" he growled between breaks in kissess and pounced on you mercilessly. The kisses were hungry, rough, and he even bit you from time to time, which only made you much more hornier. You could already feel the wetness in your panties during the kissing and your need for Logan was becoming unbearable.

Your fingers slipped into Logan's hair, finally feeling the softness of his hair. Sometimes you tugged them, as revenge for Logan squeezing your waist. After a long make out session, he lowered himself down, so that he could grab your legs and wrapped them around his pelvis. You giggled and gasped a little as you felt Logan's already hard cock trapped in his pants. It automatically excited you that much, that your wet core started pulsating.

Logan put you on top of the counter, messaging your thighs while still passionately kissing you. You were already whining silently, because of the incredible vibrating you felt between your legs. You instinctively started moving your hips against the flat surface, but you were literally longing for any friction.

Logans hands started exploring your body, squeezing some spots, since he couldn't control himself anymore. He stopped kissing you and moved his mouth to your neck and at the same time moving his hands underneath your, actually his, shirt. You petted and scratched Logan's head as he left purple bites on your neck.

His hungry bites forced you to throw your head back, leaving more space for Logan's teeth and tongue. Your whining started getting louder and you had to bite your lips to keep your voice quiet, but that didn't help much. "I wanna hear you darlin'" Logan grumbled and slid his finger under your panties. You instantly threw your head back and looked down, unfortunately didn't see his hand under your t-shirt, so his next moves were surprise for you.

He really did want to hear you, because without any warning, he quickly put the fabric to the side and started rubbing your wet folds. Your passion got the better of you and you couldn't keep quiet any longer. Your jaw fell open and your hips were keeping moving to the rhythm of Logan's fingers. He couldn't help himself and pulled away from your sore purple neck, looking into your pleasent face. Your voice and the way your body react to him sends countless hits to his twitching dick.

"You like that baby?" he devilishly smirked and inserted one finger in, making your breath catch in your throat. You had to drop your head and close your eyes to keep your senses, but Logan just made it harder for you. "Look at me" your nails were digging into Logan's hair, his finger twirling inside you in a rapid speed. "Look at me" Logan's voice was way more strict. He didn't relay on his voice anymore, so he grabbed your chin with his free hand and made you look up at him. "That's it...just like that" he bit his lips, seeing you like this is making him leaking with precum already.

Your eyes were keeping closing and opening. You were trying so hard to look at Logan but also wanting to enjoy the pleasure this man was now giving to you. If that wasn't enough, he added another finger, stretching your walls even more. You wanted to throw your head back so badly, but Logan wouldn't let you. He wanted to see your face when you'll come onto his fingers. He giggled as your moans started getting louder and your legs were shaking. He knew you were close, you both knew that.

But this guy was a complete monster, because as soon as your walls began to clench against his fingers, giving clear sign you are about to cum, he removed them. You gave him a confused and disappointed look while he just grinned devilishly and licked all the juice off his fingers. "You taste so fucking good" he mumbled and closed his eyes. "I need more" he got on his knees and chuckled slyly, watching you through his eyebrows.

The realization, what he's about to do, made your core pulsate even more frequently. You inhale deeply, tightly holding the edges of the counter to get ready for what's about to happen. He grabbed your panties by his teeth and elegantly take them off, revealing your wettness. His eyes widened a little and a devilish grin appeard on his face.

"Bet you taste better than sushi" you giggle and shake your head at his question, but that laugh of yours didn't last long. Your soft laugh transformed into a loud moan in one second, as Logan disappeared under your (his) shirt and you felt his hot tongue against your folds.

You finally had the freedom to throw your head back and give in to your body's natural response to Logan. You grabbed his head and gently scratched him, as he was softly licking you. Whenever his nose accidentally bumped into your sensitive clitoris, you tugged his hair and strongly bit your lips. Logan was attentive and therefore his "accidental" bumping into your clit started being more frequent.

You moan his name, tug his hair and tense your legs, whenever he made any interaction with your clit. But he also added his skilled tongue, which he subtly inserted into you. In that moment you drop your hat and shut your eyes, already aware that you won't last long. His tongue was twirling and curling inside you, moving up and down and tickling your walls. Your hips started ridding against his face, not beacuse you wanted to, but rather needed to.

Everything was connected, Logan's tongue makes you ride his face, while this made Logan groan against your pussy and that sends pleasent waves of pleasure right into your clit. His sideburns were tickling and prickling your delicate skin, which added even more adrenaline to your blood.

"Logan" you whine and moan his name, feeding his need to fuck you properly. His tongue picked up incredible speed and when he felt your walls clenching again, he added even more. He hold your thighs, to hold your body still in one place. It took a few more flicks with his tongue to make you shake, throw your head back and release all the tension you've been suppressing in yourself until now. You came all over Logan's face, before shame washed over you, as you came back to your senses.

You've had sex with men before, but none of them ate your pussy like Logan did. When his face found itself in your vision again, you started turning red as you noticed your juice remaining on his lips. "Don't be shy honey" he cupped your cheek and smiled. "You definitely taste better than sushi" You laugh and shake your head, the awkwardness disappearing when Logan said these things.

After that, he didn't even let you breath in and glued his lips to yours, making you taste yourself. He immediately wanted to fight with your tongue, so he gently squeezed your leg to make you moan, thus you improved his way into your mouth. Your tongues battled for dominance in which Logan was clearly winning. Your saliva and the remnants of your cum made a strange salty mix, that you both couldn't get enough of.

You wanted more, you wanted to see him in his full glory, so you grabbed the edges of his shirt and pulled it up. Logan helped you take it off and when he did, he didn't even give you a chance to get a good look at him, before starting to stuff his warm tongue inside your mouth again.

Still, you wanted to feel him somehow, that's why your hands explore his upper body, whining as you felt the muscles and sixpack, which unfortunatel, you couldn't see yet. Your fingers prints sends shivers down Logan's spine, breaking his last straw by that. His instincts began to prevail over his mind from now on.

You started being more excited and your pussy started throbbing over nothing again, when you heard a sound of unbuckling belt. It didn't take long before you heard the impact of not only the belt, but the fabric as well. You immediately realized that Logan had also taken off his pants as his erection began poking you into your inner thigh, dangerously close to your, once again, wet core.

"You're driving me crazy" he said between the pauses in the kiss and you couldn't properly answer, so you just moan softly. The feelings were from both siides, he was also driving you crazy. His disgustingly massive hands surrounded you almost entirely and his body was like a gigantic shield. You wanted nothing else, than to be fucked by this beast.

Although Logan is quite patient, your moaning and body language bothered him so much, that he decided to finally relieve you both and do what he had to do. He gently grabbed your hips, pulled out of the kiss and checked his way into you. Your heartbeat was racing and whole body shakes with impatience.

Suddenly, he looked at your face and without any warning, he started slowly pushing into you. Your jaw immediately dropped and your eyes tightly shut. The stretching was painfully pleasurable, finally feeding your hungry core. Your nails were digging deep into Logan's skin and you were worried about hurting him too much. However, you didn't know about his healing factor. The truth is that you should be the one who should be scared, because Logan's dick was nowhere near as small as the others.

"Good girl, breath for me" he was holding your body in place, while incredibly slowly pushing into you. If he could, he would've thrust himself aggressively into you a long time ago, but he didn't want to hurt you. He read from your face that it wasn't twice as pleasant, but it was just the beginning. The flow will be much better.

He was almost balls deep. You were hissing through your clenched teeth pretty loudly, trying hard to ignore the pain and focus on the pleasure. “Just like that princess…you're doing so good” he kept praising and supporting you to make you feel more comfortable and it worked. You felt your cheeks getting hotter and your breathing kept getting stuck in your throat.

Logan groaned intensely, when his balls finally touched your ass and he was fully inside you. It felt unreal. His dick was already touching your cervix. You knew you won't last long again. You stand no chance to ever last long with a man like Logan, it's just impossible.

"Good girl...my good girl" he put his forehead on yours, his hot breathing pleasantly shimmered on your nose. Before long, you got used to him and your natural reaction forced you to create some pressure. That's why you started moving your hips, giving Logan a clear sigh you are ready for him.

"Oh? Someone's eager huh?” he chuckled. You gave him a hungry eyes, full of lust. Logan therefore didn't wait for another signal and slowly moved his hips, as he squeezed your hips firmly. You were so tight around him, so wet, just absolutely perfect. You both felt incredible passion and heat coursing through your blood.

"God you're...fucking perfect" Logan cursed under his breath as his pace quickened and so did his pulse. The wet juicy sound began to surround the entire apartment. The atmosphere around you started to harden and the kitchen smell like sex. Your moans rhythmically mixed with Logan's grunts, creating a wonderful melody.

You hissed as Logan was hitting that perfect spot, deep inside you, that you could never reach on your own. You throw your head back, the sound of Logan's balls clapping against your soft ass only made you both more excited and eager to reach your climax.

"Yeah, just like that babygirl..." his voice was low as husky, his hands still firmly attached to your weist. He felt his cock twitch inside you while you felt your core tighten around him. Physics was no longer a burden for Logan, as he rammed into you with incredible speed and force, making your eyes rolled back. He quickly found your back and pressed you closer to his body, sniffing your honey scented hair.

"L-logan I..." you tried to warn him, to tell him that you are on the edge, but your mind was out of order to focus on words. "I know...I know" Logan dropped his head as he lost his control in his hips. From now on, he was just trying to catch up his orgasm.

Your lower belly started to rumble and you suddenly felt the outrageous urge to pee. You tensed up, every muscle in your body tensed until you relaxed and let it all out with a loud gasp. The relief was indescribable, but Logan hadn't reached his time yet.

When he felt and saw that you came all over his dick, he tried intensely to reach his climax. It only took a few hard merciless thrusts, before he pushed himself as deep as he could and growled loudly. He squirted into you, making you so full, that the white mixture was dripping from your core.

Logan moved his hips few more times to ride off the intense orgasm, before his forehead collapsed on yours. You both breathed heavily, trying to catch up your breaths and calmed your pulse down a bit. “You're amazing" he breathed out and you giggle, turning even more redder than you already were. He put a gentle kiss into your soft hair, giving you a great feeling of safety.

"You two..." you manage to let out two words, but all your energy was drained by saying that. Your legs were vibrating, evidence of a post-orgasm, feeding Logan's ego by showing him that he did an amazing job.

"C'mon baby, let's clean you up and then we'll enjoy that sushi" you laughed and nodded in agreement. Logan was still holding you, making sure you won't fall as you slowly jumped off the counter. Unfortunately, your legs were so weak that you couldn't keep your balance and Logan had to hold you really tight and really close to him.

However, you barely take a step forward, before you heard the door open. Logan quickly hid you behind him to cover you, thus sacrificing himself. After all, you had your shirt on, he was fully naked. You held tightly to his hands, which he held behind him as a support for you. Luckily, the counter was covering his most intimate part, so it wasn't that big of a sacrifice.

You froze in shock and waited to see who entered the apartment. "Oh Jesus Christ cover yourself! We indulge in this every Wednesday, remember?" you heard a man's voice, quite annoying, but you deduced from the sounds that he wasn't alone. "Is this how guests are greeted pookiebear? I didn't teach you that" you kept hearing the guy speak but your curiosity got the better of you.

You peeked a little, seeing a tall man with weird skin, but who was standing next to him shocked you more. "Vann?!" you couldn't hold back and shouted quite loudly. All attention was now on you. "Y/n?!" she surprisingly shouted back, her eyebrows rose and her jaw dropped. "Wait wait...there's a lot going on at once" that weird-skinned guy spoke again. You realized that he definitely loves talking and being the center of attention.

He ponited at Logan. "You had fun here with a random girl?" he moved his finger to Vanessa. "And you know that girl?" Vanessa nodded. "Yeah, she's my coworker" you awkwardly kept hiding behind Logan's back, which was so huge that it covered every part of your body except from your head.

You were all anxiously waiting to see what the guy would say. "Wait but you work at strip-club-" When he finally put the puzzle together, he gasped dramatically and turned to your direction. "SO YOU HAD FUN AT THAT CLUB AFTER ALL!" he excitedly shouted. "No that's not-" Logan tsk's and tried to explain himself, but it worthless, because that guy wouldn't let him talk. "You took it so far that you bring her here and fuck her in your own shirt?! WOW!"

"It's not like that-" Logan shook his head and you could tell from his tone, that he started getting furious. "Oh hell yeah it is! C'mon just admit it-" "Wade, stop it" Vanessa placed her hands on the chest of the guy, you just found out was the famous Wade Wilson. You imagined everything under his name, but definitely not this guy.

"Fine fine sorry...oh my god you guys had sushi! Have you shoved them up your ass-" Vanessa slapped Wade a little to finally shut him up and made him move forward, so that you and Logan would finally be alone. As she walked past you she quietly whispered "we'll talk about this" and went into one of the rooms with Wade.

Logan sighed in annoyance and dropped his head as he shook it. He turned to face you. "Look, I really don't want you to think I used you" he hold your hands but this time romantically. He gave you the cutest and most honest puppy eyes that a man ever gave you. "I...like you. I really do and I want to get to know you better and-" he didn't even finish his monologue, before you stood up on your toes, using all of your newfound strength to put into your feet. You kissed him, deeply, with love and with passion.

It was slow and soothing, so Logan reciprocated and you would have kissed longer, but you had to think about Wade and Vanessa. You also had to think of the cum dripping from your core and of Logan being completely naked. "Let's go" he smiled and nodded his head in the direction you were headed. Logan was the perfect man for you, he was mean and cruel to everyone while he had that sweet spot in his heart only for you.

You couldn't wait to spend much more time with him and get to know him much more deeply…

[starboye]

starring: tate langdon x male reader

request: omgg can u do a tate langdon obsessive boyfriend fic

warnings: smut, cursing, flff, bondage, kinda sub!tate and dome!reader at times, mentions of offing someone, jerking off, some pervert actions, jealous!tate

he'll never actually say it but you know he's an obsessive boyfriend and that's why you love him, he'll do absolutely anything for you, just name it and he's one it, you want him to get you something to eat? done. you want him to give you a massage? done. oh you want him to fuck you till you can't walk? well he'll do that without you having to ask.

but one thing he will never admit even over his dead body is he's jealous, he doesn't know why but when he sees another man even make a small compliment about you he's thinking of the many ways to hide a dead body, only calming down with your words and soft touches across his face.

and damn it was he a sucker for you, putting up a immovable wall in front of everyone else but the second it's just you two alone he's begging you to let him be little spoon during cuddling and pleading for some head scratches, most of all becoming a brainless dildo the moment you take charge in bed, ordering him around makes his knees go weak.

he will occasionally bring you little trinkets or gifts just to show his appreciation for you or even smother you with kisses once you're alone, sometimes even gifting you pictures of yourself that you have no idea how he took them but you still never minded.

if you do the right things he'll become a whimpering mess under you, starting off with slow kisses that turn into making out while you detail everything you love about him, he doesn't even realize you're on top of him while he's laying on the bed, to drunk off your lips and the sudden feeling of your slipping your hands into his pants and jerking him off moaning and whining out your name the whole night like he's high out of his mind.

he would definitely make a playlist about which songs remind him of you and you treasure each and every one of them like they're gold because to you both they are.

he would definitely try bondage if you beg hard enough, like how could say no to those cute eyes and you didn't disappoint, tying his hands to the head board and teases him over and over knowing he couldn't do anything, it was fucking torturous as hell but why was he so turned on by it, maybe because he liked the feeling of being used by a pretty boy like you.

he's to shy to admit it but he jerks off to picture of you, some nights when he can't sleep due to the overwhelming thoughts of you riding him he'll bring out his phone and scroll through your instagram, jerking off to the mere sight of your face, so pretty for him and those lips look so cute he wishes you were the one jerking him off.

taglist:@mailmango@spermeboy@ghostking4m@gayaristocrat@addictedtomalepits@staarb0y@crispysoup318@its-ares@gargoylesworld09@kadenvatsune@fuckshft@mindyonastybusiness

[pinejayy]

╰➤ This is Goodbye...

featuring: trafalgar law

summary: law knew the dangers of being in a relationship, but he dread the day when your life was going to be put in danger...and when that day comes around he's shocked..not wanting to hurt you ever again he decideds to put an end to things...

warnings: angst!! established relationship, law is kind distance, blood mentioned , getting stabbed mentioned, law says some mean things in the end, break up..

✦•··········• 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐓 𝐀𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃 •··········•✦

Law knew the dangers of being in relationship, he knew the dangers of his life and what it brings to the people around him. But when he saw Bepo carrying you body...he couldn't move...this is his fault. He is supposed to protect you from the dangers of the world but he couldn't...

......

At the moment the Hearts Pirates were in a new island gathering supplies, while Law stayed back on the Polar Tang to finish paperwork, he told them he'll join them once he's done with his work. You tried staying behind with your boyfriend but Law didn't like that idea.

"You know… it's not fair for the others that you’re not bothering helping out." He mumbles, not looking up from his paperwork.

"Aw! Come on Law! I just want to spend time with my boyfriend." You couldn't help but pout at his words. "And I'm sure the Crew won't mind." Walking closer to him, standing next to him. Leaning down to where he was sitting and you began placing small kisses along his neck. "You know we have the ship to ourselves, you know what that means."

Law grumbles and shrugs you off. Basically shooing you away. "Come on Y/N-ya I'm trying to work here." He still didn't bother to look at you, he was too focused on his work.

'Do Pirates even have Paperwork?' You think to yourself. ‘What kind of paperwork does he even do?’

"Right...work." Mumbling and you stood up, your voice sounded defeated. Which made Law sighs and he puts the pen down, and his eyes finally meet yours.

"Come on, you know my duty as a Captain comes first. I love and appreciate you but I can't drop something I'm doing just to please you." He began saying, and he saw the frown and disappointment on your face grow even more. To which he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Please, don't take my words the wrong way."

You look away, trying not to cry. You didn't want to make this worse for him. "I know...but it's been awhile since we've had alone time and us time. I know your duties as a Captain comes first, but I'm your partner. And you need to start acting like it because right now you're doing a terrible job at it." You say, mumbling the last part.

To which Law eyes darken as he stares into your eyes. "Excuse me? I'm doing a terrible job at being a so called boyfriend." And he stood up, his tall frame towering over you. "Would a terrible boyfriend deal with your constant whining and constant annoying clingy attitude." Scoffing at you, and you were about to open your mouth to speak but he quickly beat you to that. "Would a terrible boyfriend give you expensive gifts, a roof over your head, a bed to sleep on and affection?"

"I...no....sorry I didn't mean to say that, I'm sorry it just slipped out. It's just been awhile since we've been on a date or something like that..." You began to ramble, your voice cracking slightly. Which made Law sigh heavily and he took a step closer and he grabbed your chin so you could look him in the eye.

"Look.... I can admit I've been distant-"

"Very distant!" You spoke up, cutting him off mid sentence and he tightened the grip on your chin slightly.

"As I was saying, I know I've been distant but if it means that much to you we can go on date later on." He said, and to which your face immediately lit up. "Really!?"

Law couldn't help but melt slightly as he saw your face light up. Letting go of your chin he nodded. "But on one condition. You need to help the crew gather supplies and what not. Now please get going, I still have paperwork to finish." He said and sat back down on his chair and went back to his work.

To which you smile slightly, and you lean in and place a gentle kiss along his check. "If you say so Captain. I'll see you soon." You teased slightly and soon after you walked out of his office which left him alone with his thoughts.

Now the more he thinks about it he has been distant with you. No wonder your needy attitude has been through the roof lately. Sighing to himself, he went back to work. Maybe if he could finish faster he can help the crew out and after that you two could go on a date and get that needed alone time.

......

Law spent the next hour in his office alone, he was about to finish until his office door swung open and he was about to yell at the person that didn't bother to knock but when he looked up he saw Penguin panting and trying to catch his breath. "Captain! Trouble!"

"What!? What happened!" Law yelled out and he stood up and walked over to Penguin.

"While the crew was gathering supplies, Y/N was with Bepo. Both of them were gathering medical supplies and well....uh a group of low life pirates jumped Y/N when Bepo wasn't with them!"

"WHAT! WHERE ARE THEY! HOW BAD IS IT!"

Before Penguin could get a word in Law ran past him, and ran to the deck and there he saw you. Bepo was carrying your unconscious body, you seemed to be covered in blood and bruises.

"I'm sorry Captain! This is all my fault! I didn't mean to leave Y/N alone! But those men came out of nowhere and jumped them!" He began to cry softly, and held your body close. "I'm sorry." The poor bear began to cry even more, Law looked at Bepo.

"Bring her to the infirmary." He said, and with that Bepo quickly nodded and they rushed over to the infirmary and once in the room. Bepo placed you on one of the beds.

Law didn't waste no time to check on you, first he checked on your breathing. Which was a bit slow but other than that normal, then he checked all over your body to see if you had any broken bones and so far nothing. Until his hand brushed against your side and he felt something wet, looking at his hand he saw blood and immediately lifted your shirt and you had a deep cut. Most likely a stab wound.

He didn't waste no time to patch you up. And the more he looked you he felt dread...your beautiful face was brusied up. You were laying here bleeding out.

Why didn't he just go with you in the first place? Why did he have to stay back to finish his work! Why didn't he just allow you to stay in his office! All these negative thoughts were running around his head. But he quickly pushed those thoughts to the side and paid attention to you.

And after what seemed like hell for him, he finally patched you up. He made sure to wrap your side well. He cleaned all the cuts you had around your body.

He just sat besides you, holding your hand. Bepo was there. He didn't want to leave your side. "I'm sorry Captain...this is my fault." And to which Law immediately cut him off before he could say anything more.

"No, it's not your fault. It probably happened so quick. Please don't blame yourself, and take a look at Y/N-ya, they are safe and well.”

Bepo frowns and wipes his tears and nods. "Okay Captain.. please inform me once they wake up please."

Law nodded. "I will. Thank you Bepo." He said and with that Bepo walked out which left Law alone with you. He looked at your body, and frowns. He couldn't help but blame one person for this.

Him...it was all his fault. If only he could be there for you. In your time of need and he wasn't there. He was angry at himself, and angry at the men who did this. Law grumbled and rubs his head. And he stood up and he was pacing around the room.

You could have been killed today! And it would have been his fault..he knew this life was dangerous and he didn't want to drag you close to death. He cares about you too much. Law let out a heavy sigh, his eyes carried a mix of irritation and resignation. He pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly conflicted. He needed to keep you safe no matter what...even if that means letting you go.

Yes...he needed to let you go. Right? That's right choice. To keep you safe?

He couldn't help but feel a few tears slip out. He didn't want to let you go but he had to. He didn't want to lose you. And if you were to die because he couldn't protect you he would never forgive himself. As he was lost in his thoughts he heard a small voice.

"Law?"

He quickly snapped out of his thoughts and wiped his tears and turned his head over you. And you tried sitting up but he quickly placed a hand on your shoulder. "Hey.. easy. Please take it easy."

"What happened?" You whimper and lay back down.

"You got jumped. But lucky for you I patched you up. So you just need some rest. Please get some rest." He said and stood up to which you tried to grab his hand but he quickly moved his hand out of the way. No he can't...it's only going to make things harder for him.

"I need to go tell the crew were changing plans. Heading to a new island." He said and stood up and just patted your head. Looking down at you, he can tell you were hurt but he didn't want to make himself weak to you. Not now.

"Please get some rest. You're going to need it." He said and began to walk out. You were calling for his name but he ignored it. Leaving you alone in the infirmary. While he went back to his office and buried himself into more work. And as he was working tears began to pour down and to his work. Making his paperwork wet. He couldn't help but cry to himself. He had to break things off before it's your life.

....

A few days passed by and Law didn't allow you to leave the infirmary. He kept on telling you needed rest but in reality he didn't want you near him. You'll only make things harder once he breaks things off.

But the rest of the crew kept you company. They were all so kind, everyone would bring your favorite snacks and gifts. But Bepo wouldn't want to leave your side. He still felt guilty. Bepo would sometimes even sleep on the floor of the infirmary just to keep you company.

While Bepo got your favorite snacks for the day, he was telling you that you guys landed on a new island. "Captain said we're landing on a new island!" He said with a smile across his face.

"Oh that's nice, I could use some fresh air." You say and there was a soft knock and Law walks in the room. "Hey Law." You say sweetly to him.

He just nods. "Bepo can you give us some time, I need to apply new bandages for Y/N." He said and Bepo nodded. "Sure thing Captain. See you soon Y/N!" He said and walks off.

Once alone Law pulled your shirt up so he could look take a look at your bandages. Sighing to himself, he took the time to apply new bandages on you and cleaned the wound itself as well.

"So. We docked the ship and I'm sure you want some fresh air right."

And you quickly nodded. "Please."

Law just nodded and without saying anything else he grabbed your hand and began to lead you out of the infirmary and towards the deck of the ship. And once you guys were out in the open you couldn't help but breath in. He was still holding your hand, giving it a slight squeeze. He couldn't help but look at your face, your beautiful face. This is the last time he's ever going to stare at those beautiful eyes, smile and your face.

He sighed to himself and helped you off of the Polar Tang. And you look around the Island and your blood went cold.

This was your old home...why would Law bring you back here. You hated this place…it brings up too many painful memories..

Letting go of your hand, you guys didn't move to far from the submarine. "You're going to stay here."

"What? No...I don't want to. Law what are you saying." You began to panic slightly.

He didn't answer your question and suddenly there was a blue bubble around you guys. "Room.... shambles." He mumbles and suddenly your bags and all your belongings were behind you. And you began to panic even more and tried to take a step closer.

"Keep your distance Y/N.." He growls out which made you stop in your tracks.

Tears began to stream down your face. "Law...what are you doing."

"Being in this relationship was a mistake, this whole thing was a mistake. You're no longer needed. I already got my use out you." He began to say, but deep down he hated himself for saying this, he hated watching your face react to his harsh words. The way you were crying. "So please do something useful for once and get out of my sight and leave."

"Law...honey.." Your voice cracked and you cried even more. Once he heard your voice cracked it took all his will power not to hold you. But he stood his ground. He wanted you to hate him. It'll make this easier for him and this break up.

"Are you stuipd!? I said you're no longer needed! I already got my use out of you!" He snaps out, which made you back away from him. "Good you're finally understanding. Look I'm a pirate. And all Pirates are greedy."

"But ..I thought we had something..." You continue to cry.

He scoffs. "Oh please did you think you were the one? My true love? You thought I was gonna settle down with you?"

You couldn't even form a sentence, you always thought Law was the one for you...and he sighed and turned around. "This is goodbye.." And with that he began to make his way back to the Polar Tang not even sparing you a final glance.

You stood there, watching the love of your life walk into his ship and slowly the submarine began to emerge underwater and slowly the Polar Tang began to disappear from your vision. And once it was gone you drop to your knees and began to cry your heart out.

"Law....please come back..."

Crying to yourself and you crawl towards the water, wanting to throw yourself in the deep ocean, to follow Law but you couldn’t.

“Law….LAW! PLEASE COME BACK!” You began to cry out….but nothing.

You were left alone…the love of your life just broke your heart and you didn’t know what to do..

[m0chisenpai]

lestat x black female reader

inspired by ep 1 where lestat invites louis and lily, but here it would be reader and lily where they are friends and lestat just uses lily to finally have reader 🤭

fascinating

˚｡⋆ lestat de lioncourt x black!fem!reader

in which you are the most fascinating being of the night

You were a fly on the wall when it came to Lily and her business.

You were a…muscle of sorts. Though you could hardly overpower the men who she saw all you needed to do was scream for someone and the men would be set right.

You did not partake in the business of pleasure, it was not something that drew you in.

Truth be told the touch of a man made you feel ill. Not that you preferred the company of women, but the men who came in for Lily wanted one thing merely and that was to waste their seed and forget about their problems at home.

You could see right past their imported rings, their custom tailored suits. It was all a facade, but tonight Lily insisted you enjoy the music out on the patio while she handled her ‘business.’ This was typical, you kept her clients company while she got ready or wrapped up a previous one. She offered a portion of her earnings to you but you declined.

“I need you to keep an eye out for my next appointment love please?”

You hum turning your head rested int he palm of your hand to look at her.

“Not Lawrence again he is such dull company.”

“No now if he were coming I’d tell you to pick your book up and come. No this ones a french white,” she whispers it like a scandal and you will admit your interests are peaked.

“A french man Lily. What’s his name and what’s he look like?”

“Oh he’s got these dreamy blue eyes, golden locks. He knows to meet me up here, but keep I entertained for me love won’t you?” When she holds your hands and pouts her lip you sigh and agree and she’s squealing and promising a treat on her next night.

When she’s gone your eyes return to the book, the light music spilling from the night sets the perfect ambiance for you to read from the tattered pages. You enjoy your little bubble in peace, oblivious to the man who now sits in front of you.

It isn’t until his cane knocks int the table that you pick your head up to meet the most beautiful of eyes. This man is unlike the others. No, he is special. When you tilt your head ever so slightly he mirrors it back.

“I hope I am not of a disturbance, madame.”

“No,” your wet your lips finding your voice. “You must be looking for Lily. She should be ready for you in a moment I can alert her-“ When you go to stand his hand comes down upon your hand atop your book. But it is gentle, and it stops you.

“No please, I would prefer your company tonight.”

Oh now this was new, your eyebrow raises but your hand does not move from beneath his own. It is cold, but it is comforting in the humid evening. “I do not warm beds sir, if you’d like I can find you another woman to provide you the company you desire?”

“I think the company you offer surpasses any woman’s here, please sit. I will even pay you for your time.”

You hesitate for. A moment, but the extra money could provide you just enough for the new novel you’d been in search of. So you sit, crossing one leg over another.

“Where are my manners, what am I to call you madame?”

You offer your name and he whispers it back. “Lestat De Lioncourt, but for you my dear, Lestat.”

His answers are vague to your questions. She comes from France, from money passed on from a father. His mother travels the world since the passing of said father, and he finds himself in love with New Orleans.

“But enough about myself what-“

“Mr Lioncourt!” When Lily comes the tiniest bit of disappointment fills you. But a Lestat’s eyes do not move when you dearest Lily returns by your side.

“Lily you did no tell me you had such interesting company around here.”

“I told you she is, she would rack in a fortune-“

“But I do not like the feeling of a man. It makes me…” you shake your head but Lily’s hand on your hand provides you comfort. Cause she knows.

“Well I will leave you both to it, I’m gonna check in with Madame, Lily, you fine by yourself?”

“Of course, Mr Lioncourt is my last o the night then we can go to that new cafe.” You stand, book in hand to walk past but Lestat’s hand holds your elbow. Had it been any other man your instinct would be to step aside out of their grasp.

But his hand does not feel like fire on you. And he drops a ring in your hand, a fortune which he lays his hand atop.

“Will this suffice?”

“Yes, thank you Lestat.” You smile and move to leave. Yet his gaze does to leave until you are completely out of sight.

Lestat begins to buy up Lily’s time, to the point whee she hardly can see others. She wasn’t comparing the man paid her extremely well from what you could tell, enough that she was giving you some o her earnings.

“I just feel bad, dragging you to and from. But I think he is sweet on you love.”

“He is not.” You giggle as she bumps int your side as you walk to the mans home.

“He is! You know….” She leans up to speak into your ear, “I think he pretends it is you some nights.”

“You and your imagination Lil,” she giggles right until he is meeting you at the iron gates and letting the both of you in. It was always the same, he offers you both a drink, you speak for a bit, the two go upstairs, then Lily walks you back home.

But tonight it was as though the two knew something. Because when she passes Lestat the gaze they exchange is mischievous. Lily pauses i the doorway cursing beneath her breath.

“I left my compact at Lawrences love I’ll be right back!” And she’s dashing out the door before you can run after her. Lestat closes the door just when your door reaches for the knob.

“I hope is am good company,” he holds his hand to you. And you lay your hand in his, letting him lead you into the parlor. Two glasses await you before the lit fireplace.

The record plays the softest of music.

The setting feels too intimate, especially as he sit beside you, closer than most do. But you attribute it to his heritage. He was always more touchy.

He deposits a glass, half filled and clinks your glasses together. You take a slow sip. It’s a smooth red that warms your bones and you set it back down. When you look up at him, his gaze is settled on you, almost loving. Too kind for your linking to you settle on looking at the spot between his eyes.

“Do you find my company a nuisance?” He tilts his head, and a furrow creases the perfect marble of his skin. “Because I can’t offer you what Lily has. I’m sorry.”

“Au contraire my little love,” his hand slips into your own, lifting it to press a kiss to your hand. “ Your company offers me something hers does not.”

Now it is your turn to be confused and you tilt your head. He continues, “Your questions. Your thoughts. Your hunger and desire to know the things beyond man and God. You hunger for something more.” As he speaks his hand rests across your bare chest, where your heart beats beneath his cold palm.

”It is here. And I too had such desires. Until it brought you to me. My answered prayer. The one who alone can satisfy this hunger.” You don’t realize how your body seems to draw closer. Your own hand resting where his heart should beat.

You should feel sick, you should be broken. No man can fill the void of your heart. “You were never broken, your soul knew what your flesh knew not. It needed me.”

When you go to move back his hand rests at the back of your neck, but it is gentle. His hand are always so gentle. “How did you know.”

”Because my love. We were meant to be, to be companions for a lifetime, no, for lifetimes to come.”

You don’t know why it feels so hard to breathe. But he is sliding another ring from his pinky, and he drops it into your hand, curling your hands around it to hold between both his hands.

“Be my companion, my love, let me fulfill every desire these mortal men have neglected. Please,” he whispers your name like a prayer. Tears fill your eyes, sliding down the slopes of your cheeks. You can only slowly nod.

And he is devouring your lips, the flames burn higher.

”Oh love!” Lily squeals seeing you at your normal spot. Your back to her, hair pinned up in a gorgeous frown braid with silk ribbon. It had been some time since you returned. Whispers spread that you eloped, that you ran off to France, hopped a train to New York with some man.

but Lily long since told you needed a break.

“Lily,” your voice is so smooth, had you always sounded like that? When she is able to see you, you look up at her.

Golden eyes, stare into her brown ones.

[maybe-boys-do-love]

The On1y One dared to hope for a second season. How else can you explain it's deliberate slow and steady pacing throughout its run? The show made a bold choice not to rush. You certainly won't hear me criticizing that choice. The show was consistently mesmerizing. It gave the environments, the characters, the performances, and the poetry time to breathe, because it's about deep, intelligent thinkers and asks us to reside in their world for a while. Isn't that what drew us in? Watching it often felt like watching wisps of cirrus clouds move across the sky, not for a purpose but just to observe.

As it stands, The On1y One is not a BL but an elegiac queer coming-of-age tale with BL trappings. Many will feel disappointed and cheated by that. The last episode, which would have made for an impressive penultimate episode if the show was aiming for a classic BL structure, gives the audience only a sliver of hope about these boys' queerness and their relationships to one another. It will depend on your taste whether that is satisfying (and, it's okay if it's not to your taste; The On1y One readily admits picky eaters exist).

I definitely hope the show receives a second season. There's a lot to develop, and a strong response from audiences and the directors' public statements suggest we might get one. I know the downsides for audience's experiences when shows are structured with the hope but not the promise of a second season. For me, though, with its thorough investment in the themes of ephemeral pain and beauty, The On1y One is a rare instance where the intangible hope for a future story we can't see lies at the very foundation of the series itself. It chooses to look at the moon instead of the coin.

[codename-adler]

when you cannot handle class discussion;

a non-aftg post still addressed to the aftg fandom because i know the aftg fam got me.

CW below: Harry Potter and JKR.

TERFs et al. not welcomed, fuck off.

one of my uni classes this semester is called Children's Literature in English. i will abstain from relating my whole life background, but here is the issue: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone is on the syllabus, due to be discussed for the next 2 weeks. other works on the program are: both Andersen's and Grimms' fairytales, Enid Blyton's The Twins at St. Clare's, The Catcher in the Rye, A Little Princess, Gene Luen Yang's American Born Chinese and Neil Gaiman's The Wolves in the Walls. (the latter is a whole other issue in itself that is not the point here)

the objective of the class is worded as followed by the professor in the syllabus:

This course will involve a critical study of children’s and young adult literature (in English) by analyzing historical and cultural connotations of childhood, adolescence, and related subjects. By analyzing a variety of texts students will explore several dimensions of children’s literature including children’s education, questions of race and identity, children’s understanding of abuse and trauma, young adult adventures and more. Literature in this course will range from the eighteenth-century concept of children’s texts, twentieth century popular school stories, as well as contemporary popular fiction including picture books and graphic novels. Students will be expected to critically engage with the texts and appreciate the sophisticated themes present in them. Children’s literature is often considered to be repositories of cultural values and deemed as agents of socialization—students will be encouraged to dissect these texts from their literary and political perspectives.

now. i've known about HP as assigned reading since the summer. initially i was very, thoroughly disappointed. and pissed. and helpless, because i did not know who the professor would be. therefore i had no clue as to how it would be handled, from what angle it would be approached. from the list of texts, i could assume a certain theme around school as a major setting for children's socialization and growth. fairytales is also always the starting point. but apart from that, no clue.

then the syllabus came, and it was grief all over again. because as you can see, nothing indicates that HP will be discussed with current events in mind. moreover, the thematic section under which it is to be read, in the syllabus, are: coming-of-age stories, adventure, YA fiction. so... nothing, you know. and so since August, i've been nursing this weird wound?

i'll admit, i was much, much, much more affected by the news than i ever thought i would. i haven't interacted with the texts and fandom for years. i actively avoid it. my ex-bestfriend who i've 'broken up' with in April was the only contact i had, because she is a die-hard fan that, although disagreeing with JKR, did not try to change the ways she engaged with the content. i rarely discussed HP with her, because i did not like it, and it was never as of major importance to me as it was to her; she has grown up with HP, whereas i only read the series around 14, never saw the movies in theatre, etc. that is not to say that i was not an ardent fan; i was immensely taken with the books, the world, that author herself. i was in awe of her genius. was.

all this to say, i have carefully curated what i'm exposed to and what i engage with. i've laid down pretty good boundaries. a little too good, perhaps, if my deep shock and perpetual grief are anything to go by. my surprise at my own feelings certainly does not help to lessen them and process them.

and now has come the time for discussion. i won't reread HP1, because i still have it pretty much memorized, and because i simply refuse to. i have so many other things to do and read and write for other classes and clubs, i cannot be arsed to give that book a single glance. but for the next 2 weeks, the next 6 hours of that class, everything will be HP and JKR. and i do not know how to handle it.

because. because the students of the class are, mostly, fans. still. and the professor too, i believe. i do not see a discussion on transphobia, homophobia, racism, antisemitism and misogyny in the cards. i'm really not getting the 'vibe' from the prof that there will be a portion reserved for those aspects. i hope i'm wrong. but i cannot prepare myself on hope.

just the discussion from some girls, during the break, about their favorite fanfics and eagerly and enthusiastically chatting about HP and the reboot and whatnot, i'm feeling awful. and, well, apart from me, these women are among the students that participate the most in discussion. (as it is, a discussion-/seminar- based course)

i understand, okay? i understand. that HP/JKR permanently changed the children's lit landscape and market. whether it was deserved/original or not, it remains that they have had a very important role in the history of kids' lit. it cannot be erased, though i wish it would. and that is, fine. nothing anyone can do about that. the mark (stain) is there to stay. i understand.

so i cannot change:

the syllabus

the professor

the students

history

i can only control the way i will handle this. i will try my very best not to engage in the discussion. though 15% of our final grade goes to participation, i have secured my full mark by now and know after HP i will pick up the work again. that is no concern to me. when i say try not to engage, i mean try not to waste energy and peace over whatever bs is bound to be said. i'm not afraid of outright far-right problematic 'opinions' or responding to them if be the case, but i doubt it will happen, which is a tiny bit of relief.

but i cannot skip those sessions. it remains that i must be present and actively listening. that is tiring and hurtful enough. and i do not know how to plan how to cope. i do have a dear friend i know i could talk to in person afterwards. and i have you guys.

so what i'm asking, after all this blah-blah, is advice, tips, ideas, to help me remain calm and well for the next 2 weeks suffering through the HP bs.

i sound dramatic af. i feel dramatic af. i don't understand why i am so affected. i don't even know for sure if the professor will skip over that crucial evil of JKR. i might be pleasantly surprised.

i'm happily open to provide any additional info if you have questions or need clarifications. i don't know how coherent i'm being. feeling real blurry rn.

yeah. that's all.

- Love, Adler xx

[hms-no-fun]

i have an intense love/hate with godfeels because it is beautifully written but it also makes me viscerally uncomfortable. something something disturbs the comfortable and comforts the disturbed probably. engaging with that discomfort teaches me more about myself and is definitely worth it for something like godfeels. any advice for constructively engaging with media that Pisses You Off, by no fault of the creator? what would you say to your haters in good-faith, if you could?

well, to be fair i have said plenty to my haters in good faith previously, but that was a very direct response. if you and i were having a polite conversation amongst the two of us, my first question would be "how far did you get?" godfeels has been going for six years now (!!!), and it's gone through many phases in that time. i'm at a point now in my life where if someone tells me gf2 didn't click with them, i'll probably nod and say "yeah it's rough around the edges, there's a lot of stuff i'd do differently today." the most vocal contingent of haters i've ever gotten were the handful of people who dipped at gf2.2 when june got superdrunk and accidentally murdered a bunch of people, assuming the story was going to be about how cool and based that decision was. anyone who's actually read gf2 to completion should find that misconception laughable. it also makes a difference if you finished gf2 and stopped there, or started 3.1 and fell off, or if you got through chapter 8 and fell off, or if you're currently reading Double Album. each of those is a slightly different conversation with its own pros and cons. whether or not i'd try to talk someone into continuing their read depends entirely on those questions (and also how self-confident i'm feeling in the moment).

i guess i would say to someone who is not enjoying godfeels that they should stop reading godfeels. it's an extremely heavy story that digs into a wide variety of traumatic subject matter. it is also deeply personal in a lot of ways, which is perhaps a weird fit for a Homestuck fanfiction. so i can understand someone from the wider fandom hearing about godfeels as "the June Egbert fic" being disappointed that it's not fluff. i've documented in the past how gf2 emerged out of my dissatisfaction with the image of "Hairclips June," whose transition exists off screen and whose acceptance by her friends is an obvious expectation. i kind of feel bad for how that shook out in the long term since, between the lengthy hiatus of hs2 and the broader strangulation of the post-canon movement during the pandemic, the canonical "Hairclips June" story (or at least "June Who Doesn't Suffer 100% Consequences" story) doesn't seem to exist. i don't mean literally canonical, i mean "seeped into the fandom's collective unconscious" canonical, like Detective Pony. there are plenty of fanworks that do a good or at least interesting job with June, but they're not *about* June in quite the same way godfeels is. it's entirely possible that such a thing DOES exist and IS popular (i freely admit to being out of touch with modern fanworks), but for better or worse godfeels still seems to be the thing that comes up most often-- and not always in a positive light.

for a while now i've been working on an "Author's Introduction" which on the surface is an attempt to contextualize the phases of godfeels for new readers, but in actuality is more of a history of/commentary on the post-2019 fandom and the so-called "Homestuck Renaissance." i see this as necessary because godfeels is an extension of that moment, in particular the loudly recuperative pro-Vriska boosters and their exquisitely galaxy-brained VrisRezi meta. then gf3.1 responded to the fandom backlash, chapter 8 responded to my experience watching every foundation of my post-transition life crumble during the pandemic, and then Double Album is an exploration of building yourself and community back up in the aftermath of tragedy.

it's not that this context is necessary to understand or appreciate godfeels, just that i think it helps put things in perspective. when i started gf1, i hadn't written fiction in nearly 7 years. today, the series is sitting just shy of the 500,000 word mark. at every step of the process, the quality and ambition of my writing has increased exponentially. there's a reason i've written Double Album as a jumping-on point for new readers-- besides being better in virtually every way that matters to me, it's also largely shorn free of the baggage that can make godfeels a hard sell for folks. whether or not it actually SUCCEEDS as a jumping on point is another conversation entirely.

so i guess all of that is to say, if we were having a private conversation just the two of us, i freely admit that godfeels is a wildly disjointed story on top of being extreme and often emotionally masochistic. i am proud of this work from start to finish, but it fundamentally is the process of its authorship in a way that a thoroughly drafted and edited novel simply isn't. i used to publish chapters the instant they felt done to me, with only minimal revisions. these days i let chapters bake a lot longer and put much more thought into how they fit into the larger whole. i kinda miss the old way but the new way results in much better work.

i'd be curious to hear what exactly it is that Pisses You Off about godfeels, and why you nevertheless feel it's a worthwhile reading experience. you ask me for advice on how to constructively engage with media that pisses you off, but i don't have any because in general i don't engage with media that pisses me off. i stopped reading fanworks after 2020 because everything that survived seemed to cater only to the sector of the fandom that harassed my friends out of their jobs and platforms. i found their interpretations/extensions of canon lacking, their tendency for straightforward fluff rather grating. i COULD have made that everyone else's problem, but what would be the point? i wasn't the target audience. i didn't enjoy the work, so i stopped reading it. i'd rather move on to media i enjoy than suffer through media i don't.

BUT. there's a fine line here, because it actually takes a lot to Piss Me Off. i don't really believe in rules or standards in art as Inviolable Laws Of Nature. my measure of whether something is good has a lot less to do with its inherent quality and a lot more to do with the balance between intention and execution. it rarely matters how amateur something is, if it meaningfully accomplishes the thing it set out to do then i'll probably like it (or at least respect it). i look for expressions of authenticity, moments where the artist and the medium are in perfect sync. there are plenty of critically praised pretty-looking movies and games with big production values that i don't particularly like. sometimes that's because they're a naked moneymaking enterprise disguised as art. sometimes it's a problem of too many cooks in the kitchen. and then sometimes an artist is just full of shit and doesn't really know what the hell they're talking about (i like to call these people "Californians"). mostly, i just embrace that art-making and art-viewing are inherently subjective experiences, and i find little value in numbered rating systems of any kind.

a lot of my favorite movies and albums underwhelmed me my first time through. they challenged me in a way that i at first interpreted as incompetence, but have come to see as brilliance. there's stuff i found alienating in high school and early 20s that i find deeply relatable in my 30s. as a film student i've had so many conversations with so many people who have wildly different takes on the same movie that i've completely given up on the idea that anyone is an objective arbiter of what's good and what isn't. the only real thing is if it works and if it works for you. i search for the best in everything, because at the end of the day i'm just here for the love of the game and i don't much enjoy hating things. for media to really Piss Me Off, to elicit a genuine I Hate You response, it has to be more than just, like, poorly edited or whatever. it has to embody a repulsive worldview, be a tool of jingoistic propaganda, or otherwise act as an extension of corporate greed and wealth extraction. these days i reserve my hatred for that which has connection to real Power and exerts a mass cultural Influence, or that otherwise blindly reproduces the same problems.

i think it's far easier to critically engage with work you don't like when you search for the things that work, rather than the things that don't. when it works, when it really clicks, you see what they were going for, and only with that perspective can you see why what doesn't work doesn't work. all i ever ask is for readers to take my stuff as it is, good and bad, and judge it on those terms. i find your use of "comforts the disturbed, disturbs the comfortable" funny and fitting. art that wants to be for everyone is art that cannot be for anyone. it is a perfectly round grey sphere that all who gaze upon it can agree "exists" and "succeeds at what it's trying to do." good art is imperfect, because it is the result of a perspective you may not share. i've never wanted to make art for the masses. i want to make the kinds of things that i wished existed when i was younger. there are a surprising number of people who feel that godfeels positively affected their lives, and i know that i have very little to do with that. godfeels is an object that exists in the world. i had ideas of what it was when i wrote it, but i can't control what anyone else sees no matter how much digital ink i spill trying to explain my original vision. if it truly comforts the disturbed and disturbs the comfortable, then on some level i must have succeeded in what i was trying to do even if the path to getting there was spotty and rough.

i did the best i could at every stage of writing godfeels. i would do things differently today, but i also wouldn't be here at all if i'd done it differently back then. i try to extend this grace to other artists as much as possible, that we're all just figuring it out as we go along. but i also know that everyone goes to art for different things, and finds value in different aspects of its expression. really, all i ever want is to have a conversation about the object without the looming specter of Respectability Politics and Moral Hazards. it's when people start acting like godfeels is Dangerous, and that i'm dangerous by extension, that i start having opinions about where critics are fucking up. tell me what it does or fails to do. point at the text and show me you've read and comprehended it by citing your sources and arguing through the text instead of around it. absolutely fuck off with the moral hand-wringing about Transgender Representation and Glorifying Violence and Perpetuating Toxic Stereotypes. it's a fucking Homestuck fanfiction, for god's sake.

but anyway you're not doing that, so, good job! i'm glad you find the experience of reading godfeels illuminating even if it pisses you off. i hope you found this lengthy answer enlightening, and maybe a bit annoying also. consistency is key, or so they say

[mangosaurus]

now that the trailer's been out for a few days let'sssss talk about how the rest of the camp fam might react to finding out ben knew brooklynn was alive (since kenji's reaction has already been made thoroughly apparent LOL):

SAMMY - denial denial denial. not over brooklynn, but the fact that ben would keep them in the dark like that. less so because she's a naturally empathetic and forgiving person but more so because it'd be hard to accept that ben couldn't trust them. especially after their whole thing in s1e05, sammy would have thought they'd be past this by now. still, i think her and ben might be able to get over that hill faster that him and kenji, for example.

YASMINA - hurt, confusion, but maybe ... understanding? i think after all the work she's put into healing her trauma, she'd try to see things from ben's perspective. not only have they always shared a sort of kinship with each other, but a big part of yasammy's strife in s1 had to do with yasmina pulling away from sammy, so she might be able to personally relate to ben doing the same thing to them (i.e. hiding the truth from his friends). i'd make reference to a plot point from s2e01 to further support this speculation buttttt i don't wanna spoil that for anyone who hasn't watched the recaps, so i'll just leave it at that for now!

DARIUS - this one is ... hard. darius has a tendency to shut down in situations where he feels guilty or betrayed: it happened in jwcc season 1 when ben fell from the monorail, it happened in jwcc s2 when brooklynn made that "cool dad" comment, it happened in jwcc s5 when kenji sided with his father, and it happened once more in jwct in the aftermath of brooklynn's "death" (which he admits himself circa s1e02, "you're right, i did hide!"). so i can very much see darius responding with ... cold despondence. a kind of deafening disappointment. but, i don't know if darius's hurt over ben hiding the truth from them would totally override the relief and hope he might feel at finding out brooklynn is alive, in contrast to kenji's anger. if they get more details on brooklynn's whereabouts, the kinds of things she's been up to, i can also see him being more willing to look past that, partially out of an obligation to make things right (still feeling guilty about standing brooklynn up the night she was attacked) and partially out of sentiment (being in love with brooklynn). meanwhile, kenji wouldn't have these same hangups, at least not to the same degree as darius; while i believe kenji still loves brooklynn, maybe even looks back on certain aspects of their relationship fondly, i think he's well past being deeply, truthfully in love with her. basically, i don't think there would be as much multiplicity to his emotions in this situation in comparison to darius, which is what makes summing up darius's potential feelings that much more difficult for me

[communistkenobi]

the religion chapter in auth personality is kind of a flop

[bloobydabloob]

Holy shit I love your Dirk interpretations, it's so true and I could talk about this shit forever. I feel like another part of his character that people seem to forget (along with Roxy for some reason) is that he's from the future in solitude in an apocalyptic wasteland. I just see that part of his character always removed which is disappointing because I feel like that's a pretty big part, especially regarding his themes around technology, his brother's theme of Time, his own isolation, and how he plays in the vastness of the universe and spacetime.

Art I drew related to the subject because I like to respond to asks with art.

But absolutely. I certainly understand where the lack of discussion over his isolation + upbringing comes from, considering a majority of the fanbase that I have seen builds their ideas based on their own version of postcanon. I’m not entirely sure how that would be fixed, but certainly even in the somewhat recent past I would see a lot more content regarding his upbringing both literally and symbolically. I don’t have much to add regarding the things you’ve mentioned, because they just are what they are. Dirk being confined to a singular room left to him by a father figure he never met, in a future where the only other person left on the planet is someone he cannot pursue a relationship of because of himself, with purely 3 robots to keep him companion, one being an exact replica of his own brain who is *also* trapped inside a pair of glasses, is about as literal as it gets to me.

The contrast to me involving the flooded, organic world in comparison to the little speckle of Dirk’s apartment packed with the dude and his technics is not only a representation of his isolation and entrapment within himself, but also of his lack of control. I think his obsession with & themes of control are a direct product in the case of Dirk specifically *of* this kind of upbringing. His themes of technology are also related to his themes around control. So much of his character is actually revolved around this to me like so much. Dirk is so deeply disconnected from humanity in every way and so much of his character + symbolism is based around that.

It doesn’t even have to be about the symbolism or anything though. It’s just pretty *interesting* in the literal sense that he lives in the middle of the ocean in the future. There’s not only a lot to theorise on to do with his young life there, but on how it might affect him in the way he acts for the rest of his life. The latter part is probably what I see mentioned the most by people talking about Dirk regarding this, I’m surprised I don’t see more discussion on the former too though. I really ought to actually talk more about Homestuck stuff on here. I will do it myself.

Roxy & Dirk’s relationship is largely ignored though because there is a narrative a certain demographic spreads that Dirk resented and blamed Roxy for her interest in him, and thus too many people believe that their relationship was or would continue to be an abusive one. Realistically, I believe it’s important to acknowledge that the way Roxy treated Dirk regarding his homosexuality wasn’t right while still acknowledging the obvious amount of respect and admiration Dirk had for Roxy. I mean we have a huge piece of dialogue from their post trickster mode conversations on the quest beds from Dirk purely stating how he feels about Roxy that people completely ignore somehow. I think this usually happens to characters that are women though. I know everyone says it, but it is true. Jane gets the exact same treatment of boiling her down to solely her negative aspects. The things I see completely mischaracterising both of them are horrific.

I mean how much more explicit can it get that their relationship is obviously very important to Dirk? But I digress. I think the best or I should say “most interesting” interpretations of their relationship usually come from DirkRoxy shippers actually.

I would be interested to hear about Dirk’s relation to his brother’s theme of time though. I don’t have any thoughts on this and I don’t recall ever hearing anyone talk about it before. If you or anyone else would be willing to enlighten me I’d be thrilled.

[goemon-fan]

This was easily one of the best Lupin episodes

[worflesbian]

nobody point out that i'm a parody of myself but i'm making a separate post for the klingon episode of snw (s2e8 under the cloak of war).

when i started this ep i was Convinced it was going to go one of two ways: ambassador dak'rah was going to turn out to be a spy or otherwise a traitor, confirming the bigoted suspicions of the crew, or he would be written as "one of the good ones" proving the crew's suspicions wrong while still painting the majority of klingons as barbarians.

so i was pleasantly surprised that it was neither, and even more surprised that dak'rah's flaw was dishonesty and hypocrisy rather than anger. having him take credit for killings that someone else carried out in order to begin his career in peacemaking was actually really true to how the klingons are written at their best -- the problem is not that they're "just more violent" than humans, it's that violence is the currency of their empire and they're very good at twisting words and ideologies to justify it.

which is where i was disappointed by this episode, because the federation are very good at that too. the episode explicitly shows us this, it shows the federation manipulating its soldiers into drugging themselves up to fight harder during the klingon war, it shows us the hypocrisy, violence, and disregard for life that humanity is capable of. and then it goes nowhere with it. the conclusion of the episode is unconcerned with any critique of humanity and i highly doubt snw will ever come back to that plotline in any meaningful way. all we're left with is another death and the ambiguous implication that federation war crimes are, if not justified, then more forgiveable than klingon ones by dint of how bad humans feel about doing them.

anyway i liked this episode a lot more than i expected to but it still fell short of adding any insight to such a frequently cited part of trek history

[marcsnuffy]

I don't think that differently about Kaiser now

[speedwayy]

Dickie Moltisanti, he was like my me to me.

[iffeelscouldkill]

OKAY WAIT I just came up with a crack headcanon about Shelly

What if even RJ doesn't know who she is?? 😆

Maybe Park mentions her once or twice in passing, and RJ is hoping to glean from context exactly who this is because they feel too awkward to ask 😅 (Park's going to tell them, right? Or does he think they already somehow know??)

And then Park says, "If Shelly calls, tell her not to expect me," and through the dread comes a new realisation - RJ is going to have to talk to this person they have absolutely no idea about.

-- But it must be in Park's file, right???

Cue RJ frantically (and guiltily) searching through their superior (former superior?)'s file only to find out:

Even the IGR doesn't know who Shelly is.

Maybe Shelly doesn't call - or maybe she does but RJ struggles to gather anything from her voice or her references to Park about who she is to him. And it's a really inappropriate moment to go "also, um, who exactly are you?"

Come Episode 10, RJ asks Park, "How's Shelly?" and inwardly thinks am I finally going to find out?? But Park's reply is non-committal and RJ is still in the dark 🙈

(And it's not exactly the most pressing issue, what with the whole "sparing the life of a Dwarnian" and "Park being a traitor to the Republic" and "RJ being a traitor to the Republic oh god")

But then they're on board the Iris 2, Shelly's name comes up, and Park looks stricken, so the Rumor crew obviously decide not to ask. Later, someone (Sana?) pulls RJ aside and asks about Shelly and RJ (in far far too deep to admit the truth) improvises desperately.

"She and Park were very close…" (Surely that can only be true, right?) "Park really misses her…" (Again, self-evident) "I think it's difficult because she can't know what's happened to him…" (That's just part and parcel of going on the run)

Sana nods and doesn't seem to detect that the key piece of information is missing.

ALTERNATIVELY, they're on board the Iris 2 and Shelly's name comes up, and both Park and RJ make confident references to her as if the Rumor crew already know who she is. Did Park mention this? Did Other Violet? It's been a crazy 48 hours, no-one has slept, and later on it seems almost… too late to ask (each member of the crew thinks they're the one who can't remember who Shelly is).

Which results in Park + a ship full of people all desperately trying to pretend they know about Shelly

[essayofthoughts]

There's this thing, sometimes, when reading fic - not shitfic, because I do read that and I know what to expect from it, but fic with actual thought and nuance, which cares about exploring trauma and fucked up emotional consequences, evenwhen when they're ugly and uncomfortable and awful -, when you realise that while the fic is willing to have the protagonists be angry but get over it with some characters, they just refuse to with others. And it can make sense to a degree - there's always one character that gets under another's skin, and there's gonna be some disagreements that just, due to individual perspectives, are that much harder to overcome. Even though having them work through it - having a character admit how and when and where they fucked up, and how severely, and the degree to which they recognise this, the internal complex, contradictory fuckery - can be fun! Can be nuanced and messy and delicious.

Then you see the fic says "[X Character] Bashing" and you realise you're never gonna get that. That those crunchy, messy, complex, fun scenes in your head? Will never leave it, because the author has decided that while they'll put in all this engaging messy nuance for (so far) literally every other character... for this single one, a flat one-sided view of a character is all they can be arsed to write.

I dunno, yeah, it's fic and you can write what you like, but bashing has always felt incredibly, astoundingly lazy to me.