#while also giving some insight on how I build em up

[greenerteacups]

Hello GT, I absolutely love Lionheart!

I published my first fic and have been dealing with some criticism; it’s not anythjng super hateful, but it’s not anything meant to make me improve either. I’ve been feeling sort of down because of it. My question is: have you ever dealt with hate or criticism before? What is your attitude towards it?

I find your work and answers on here super insightful and inspiring! I hope you have a nice day ❤️

Fuck em. Like, seriously, just fuck em. There's a time and place for writers to take critique and be strict with themselves; it's necessary for any artist to grow. That place is with a chosen group of creatives whose work you admire and whose judgment you trust. A rando on the Internet, while they may in fact be the next Marcel Proust, probably isn't. And I was raised to believe that while it's appropriate and kind to pay compliments to strangers when they're performing — just as you'd smile at a busker on the sidewalk, and or compliment a chalk artist — it's not appropriate to criticize them when what they do isn't to your tastes. They're providing you with their art for free. No one forced you to read it; no one forced you to listen. If you don't like it, it costs $0 to shut the fuck up.

Also — that thing I said about artists taking critique? That assumes that you're doing this out of a desire to improve your writing, which, while noble, is not actually a thing you need to do if you're a hobby writer. I like trying to improve; it makes me feel good. But at the end of the day, I do this for fun. I do this because in my real job, I am ruthless and self-critical and try really fucking hard to do well, and you need parts of your life that Aren't Like that. You need parts of your life where you're not worrying about whether you're Doing It Right. And living without that anxiety of critique is, paradoxically, the only way you'll find the artistic courage to take risks and develop new skills. Everyone is a little bit rough around the edges to begin with. (Not saying you're a beginner — you merely said "publish," and I certainly wrote a lot of things before I started publishing! But every artist is always trying to develop new skills and techniques; in the grand scope of things, we're all beginners.) Giving someone blunt critique when they're in the beginning phases of their journey as an artist is about as helpful as screaming at your six-year-old kid because he can't swim the butterfly.

And the thing is, these people will bluster and say "well, I'm just being honest, I'm just trying to be helpful," but like: mmmmmmno, you're not! You're not. And it's disingenuous to say so. Because if you were actually trying to be helpful, you would introduce yourself, offer your skills as an editor/beta reader, and start building the relationship of trust that grounds any meaningful co-creative partnership. People do not just accept random critique that comes flying at them from the blue nowhere. And issuing it in that form is the best way to make them hostile, defensive, and unreceptive to it. Delivering harsh feedback without a context of care and support is almost sure to fail as a method of actually changing behavior, and either (1) you know that, and are doing it anyway — presumably because you want people to know how Terribly Clever and Better At Writing you are, or (2) you sincerely have never thought about the effect that context and word choice have on how other people receive your meaning.

Which tells me you are the last fucking person on the planet I want writing advice from.

[aucatgirl]

I'd like to hear your complaints about mha please. I think rei should've rolled her ex husband off a cliff.

SIGH. Here is my official diatribe against MHA’s ending. This is definitely not my first rodeo with a series I love and had hope for having a bad ending but wow this one stings harder than usual

What’s craziest about all this is how much I defended this manga up until the last ten chapters. I loved this manga so much and had such high hopes for it. My own MHA social circle was nothing but huge fans that also had high hopes, some criticisms about things but willing to give the benefit of the doubt… But then 420 happened and I snapped out of it (and then my mutuals also snapped out of it, one by one, lol). It was so rushed and baffling that it actually ruined my day when it released, lmao. Deku regaining his arms via Eri ripping off her horn via child mutilation was only the beginning and I was not prepared for the everything else that would happen

The biggest issue starts and ends with Deku, who apparently got a secret lobotomy during the dark Deku arc and has not been written the same since. He completely loses his ability to be introspective in any capacity. “I’ve been having these thoughts about Tenko too” where?? Where is it??? Where is literally any of your real thoughts on Tenko or losing OFA or anything??? This manga used to have such an interesting insight into Deku’s mind. And it’s just, gone. A big issue with Shigaraki’s death goes back to that. Where’s the reflection?? “Show don’t tell” doesn’t work that well with a protagonist that barely shows any emotion at all!!

When it comes to the saving Shigaraki plot, I saw some mutuals suggest that Horikoshi changed his mind on the ending at some point between the togachako fight and 423. I reread those chapters and disagreed. Deku being unable to save Shigaraki is a plot twist and it’s a BAD one. All of the build up leading to 423 is that Deku would save Shigaraki, not just his soul, full stop. Unless it really was a last minute change or pushed by editors/SJ, I cannot imagine that this ending was not planned the way it was, so I will criticize Horikoshi as such. The twist was ass. And now we’re left with an ending of “well we can try to prevent villains, but if they’re already villains, beat ‘em up!” which is just.. AUGH!!! Completely throws Twice’s death down the drain!!! I can’t believe we were left with “we’ll do better next time” when the whole point was that the next generation would do better than the previous… Deku’s generation was supposed to be that one!! Not to mention that All Might seemingly forgot about his personal connection to Shigaraki…

It’s also wild that the togachako plot was the best written tragedy while also being the most offensive of all of them. I don’t care how many people Toga killed 😭 she was explicitly queer. At least izuocha didn’t happen, that would’ve made things so bad I don’t think I would’ve been able to interact with the series anymore. It was a one-off line but Toga’s death had the most direct impact on improving society, however, it was a ONE-OFF LINE, there is zero indication that Uravity is as prominent of a hero as this line makes you believe, which sucks. Also, the fact that the cameras got retconned is ridiculous, just another knife twist of completely gutting the theme of rehabilitation and societal changes on how people view villains

And… that’s not even mentioning what the fuck happened with 3baka. I understand the rush. Horikoshi has health issues, there are time limits for endings. I would’ve been okay with just the rush. But the writing decisions that were made… why the fuck did Kurogiri die like that?? In the most baffling, inconsequential way possible? Aizawa wasn’t shown, Mic didn’t react, it’s never brought up again except for a tiny, tiny panel of Shirakumo’s grave. I guess the whole plot with nomu and how they’ve slowly been humanized was just completely scrapped, because Kurogiri’s death was more inconsequential than Hood’s. If you’re going to kill Kurogiri, make him die by AFO’s hands. It would’ve worked a lot better as a tragedy rather than random and unnecessary Bakugo moment

This is honest to god one of the worst pages in the entire series:

Finally okay I honestly don’t care for the Todorokis so I don’t really have any strong thoughts on their ending. The ending Dabi got is actually better than I expected after Shigaraki died lol. Though I do agree that Rei pushing around Endeavor in his wheelchair is a hilariously bad look and I don’t know why Horikoshi thought it was a good idea

Here is one thing I will say, though. One final word:

Foster brothers Shigaraki and Kurogiri never got debunked!! Can’t have your theories be wrong if you get no information about a character!

[grailfinders]

Grailfinders #337: Hai Bà Trưng

happy easter y’all, I hope you’re all enjoying your chocolate, eggs, chocolate eggs, and eggs in the shape of chocolate. we’re back at it again with a crisis, both a water monster crisis, and the fact that I can’t really spell the Trưng Sisters’ names right on this keyboard, so from this point on expect me to use the wrong kind of u.

spelling aside, the Trung sisters are a combo of Glory Paladin for their winning attitude and glowy weaponry, as well as an Echo Knight Fighter because… duh. there’s two of ‘em.

check out their build breakdown below the cut, or their characters sheet over here!

next up: “so what’s it like being split into a thousand consciousnesses?” “eh, it has its pros and Cons”

Ancestry & Background

the Trung sisters are probably human, unless you believe in that ascending to the heavens bit, but either way they’re close enough for it to work here. that means they get +1 Strength and +1 Charisma, as well as proficiency with Animal Handling for their elephants and the Ritual Caster feat to actually get those things. with this feat you get two first level wizard spells like Find Familiar and Comprehend Languages that you can ritual cast as many times as you like- the former one of your lil elephant friends, and the latter is the grail translating for you. you can even add new spells to your ritual book if you find them lying around in scrolls or other spell books, so keep an eye out!

also the Trung sisters are Nobles, so they get proficiency in History and Persuasion. if you took a shot every time we released one of these builds with a noble background the only thing that would save your liver is our update schedule. and again, we know noble is a big step down from king, but we do what we can.

Ability Scores

going off the standard array, Charisma should be your highest stat to start out with. it’s literally one of your abilities, and it makes all your paladin stuff extra juicy. second highest is your Strength, since you kill things with spears and swords. R.I.P., Infinitiger. your third highest stat has to be Intelligence since that’s how we qualify for ritual caster, and you definitely know your way around a battlefield. this means our Constitution is lower than I’d like again, but it’s okay for now. the real problem is your low Dexterity making your outfit choices a little difficult to work with, but at least that’s better than your Wisdom. half of you is too busy being a siscon to pay attention when they’re on watch, and you died because your underlings betrayed you. rough.

Class Levels

1. Paladin 1: starting as a paladin gives you proficiency in Wisdom and Charisma saves, as well as Athletics and Insight. despite dumping their wisdom, the Trungs are good leaders and judges of character. paladins also start out with a Divine Sense, letting you pick out extraplanar creatures nearby. you learn their location and what they are, but not who they are. I don’t think the kons are extraplanar, but if they were that would make them so much easier to round up. also if they get chomped on by a fishman you can patch them up with Lay on Hands- you get five HP per day per paladin level, and you can touch someone as an action to either heal them or use five HP to cure a disease of theirs. real useful when you live on a deserted island with no casters.

2. Paladin 2: second level paladins get a Fighting Style, and while Defense would be the smarter choice for +1 AC your spear and sword are both one-handed weapons, so I’m getting the Dueling fighting style instead. that gives you +2 to the damage done with a one-handed weapon every time you hit with it! extra armor might protect you from some damage, but killing will protect you from all future damage!

you also learn Spells which you cast and prepare using your Charisma, but the only spell I really want at this point you’ll get permanently next level so I’ll cover it then. for now, you can also use your spell slots for some Divine Smites- burn a spell slot, deal extra radiant damage when you hit something, deal extra extra damage when you hit a demon or zombie.

3. Paladin 3: third level paladins have Divine Health, so now you can never get sick. anime characters don’t get sick unless they do, and if they do it’s plot related anyway so your DM probably won’t let you off the hook even if you have this.

more importantly, you are now fighting for the Glory of your people, so you get some oath spells! they’re always prepared and they don’t count against your prep limits- Guiding Bolt hits a guy and gives the next person to attack them advantage, and Heroism is the spell I was talking about in level two. with this spell, you can give a creature immunity to being frightened plus some bonus temporary HP every turn for up to a minute!

you also get two Channel Divinity options, and you can use one of those each short rest. you can either become a Peerless Athlete for ten minutes to make up for how spread out your stats are, or you can use an Inspiring Smite to give temporary HP to nearby creatures after you make a divine smite. both of these options use your bonus action, so you can squeeze them into your turns pretty easily right now.

4. Paladin 4: now that you can cast spells you can become an Eldritch Adept using your very first Ability Score Improvement- technically I should save you getting your Armor of Shadows for later to coincide with your third ascension but I’m not going to leave you at 10 AC for the whole dang build. now you can cast Mage Armor on yourself for free, adding 3 to your AC total while unarmored.

5. Paladin 5: fifth level paladins get an Extra Attack each action, so now you can hit twice a turn! I mean. there’s two of you, that tracks. you also get 2nd level spells, including your freebies Enhance Ability, again to overcome stat spread, and Magic Weapon, to make your weapons all glowy for your NP.  they also get +1 all attack rolls and damage rolls.

you can also Find Steed now to give your elephant the boost it needs to be ridable! sure it’s still not elephant sized yet, but you can get it up to a warhorse, that’s pretty neat! also you can use Gentle Repose to keep those water monsters from doing their con-eating trick. they might not be undead, but it keeps them from getting up again so it’s close enough.

6. Fighter 1: we’ve got plenty of Trung now, so let’s work on the sister part. bouncing over to fightergives you a Fighting Style, which means we can take Defense after all! or Dueling if you were smart and took the AC first. speaking of AC, you also get a Second Wind once a short rest, letting you heal up as a bonus action!

7. Fighter 2: second level fighters get an Action Surge, so now you can make a second action with a second attack for a total of four in a single turn!

8. Fighter 3: third level fighters can become Echo Knights, letting them Manifest Echo as a bonus action. this creates a copy of you with better AC and 1 HP that you can move around the battlefield as you wish, as long as it stays within 30’ of you. you can attack from its position as well as your own, and you can even swap places with your sister as a bonus action too!

you can also Unleash Incarnation up to Constitution Modifier times a day, adding an extra echo attack to your attack action! right now that’s only once, but it’ll get better as we go.

thanks to the echo knight’s funky splitting, we can use buffing spells like Magic Weapon and it will improve both sisters’ weapons at the same time!

9. Fighter 4: fourth level fighters get another ASI, so grab the Slasher feat to round up your Strength score as well as protect the precious cons! once a turn you can slow down a creature you hit with slashing damage, and your critical hits force disadvantage on the attack rolls of whatever you sliced through! if you’re going to bring marshmallows to the front lines, it’s best to make sure they don’t die.

10. Fighter 5: fifth level fighters get… nothing! extra attacks don’t stack like that.

11. Fighter 6: as a consolation prize, sixth level fighters get a bonus ASI, so bump up that constitution for 11 points of health (remember that +1 each level is retroactive) and for more unleashed incarnations! now you can attack up to six times in a single turn! that would use up literally every spell slot you have right now, but you can!

12. Paladin 6: sixth level paladins have an Aura of Protection, so everyone around you gets a +3 bonus to all their saves! now your cons won’t get blown up by a fireball… as much. I’m sure a successful save would still get the cons knocked out though.

13. Paladin 7: seventh level glory paladins get an Aura of Alacrity, so everyone around you gets a movement speed boost. again, it’s keeping the cons out of harm’s way!

14. Paladin 8: at eighth level you get another ASI, so bump up your Strength for stronger attacks!

15. Paladin 9: ninth level paladins get third level spells, and you get Haste and Protection from Energy for free! I’m sure you could argue a D&D build would have to be perma-hasted to even stand a chance at keeping up with a servant, but really the only third level spell I want here is Elemental Weapon. in contrast to magical weapon, you still get a +1 bonus to attacking, but the bonus damage is a little stronger, and you can make that damage an elemental type like acid or fire. I’d use cold damage here for their demon slayer-esque water sword attacks. or you could use something like Crusader’s Mantle to give everyone around you mini-smites for up to a minute.

16. Paladin 10: at tenth level your natural leadership abilities give you an Aura of Courage, so nearby creatures can’t be frightened while you’re around. it’s a shame it only has a range of ten feet, that would’ve really come in handy while you were alive.

17. Paladin 11: I hope you like radiant damage, because an eleventh level paladin has an Improved Divine Smite, adding a d8 of the stuff to every melee attack you make. that basically doubles your damage output most of the time- there’s a lot of doubling going on in this build, almost like you’re two people or something.

18. Paladin 12: twelfth level paladins get one last ASI, so bump up that Constitution again to not die! not dying’s my favorite hobby, and I bet its yours too, we have so much in common.

19. Paladin 13: our last level of paladin gets you Compulsion and Freedom of Movement and a bunch of other spells but who cares because it also gets you Find Greater Steed, letting us finally have an elephant-sized elephant. well, actually a rhino-sized elephant but it’s waaay closer than a horse.

20. Fighter 7: our true final level is going back to fighter to become an Echo Avatar. now you can transfer your mind to your sister and basically play as her, with the max range of the echo increasing to 1,000 feet while you do so. this also doesn’t prevent you from switching places with her, so you can trivialize a lot of traps by just sending the more expendable sister ahead of you.

obviously I don’t think this level’s in character, but it’s at least slightly moreso than the next paladin level where you can break curses by touching people, so here it is.

Pros & Cons

Pros:

while I didn’t go over it much in the build itself, Paladin has some nice spells, and unless you’re super dedicated to playing in-character I highly recommend you look at the full spell list before committing to just using spell slots for smiting and elephants. also, ritual caster doesn’t look like much on the surface but if you play your cards right it gives you access to a ridiculous amount of Utility, giving you plenty to do outside of combat. with ritual caster you have access to spells no paladin would ever be able to cast like drawmij’s instant summons, and you can become the party’s communication hub with spells like Contact Other Plane or Skywrite.

you can attack way more in a single turn than a paladin really should be able to, which means you take the paladin’s burst damage potential and crank it all the way up to eleven! with action surge and unleash incarnation, you triple the number of attacks a paladin should ever be able to get, making you a burst damage machine. assuming a regular longsword with elemental weapon on it, you deal 6d8+36 slashing + 25d8 radiant + 6d4 cold, for an average of just under 200 damage in a single round.

 I know this last one isn’t much, but. riding an elephant is so cool y’all, it gets its own section.

Cons:

pretty much all the damage you do is either radiant or physical, so the second you come across something that can handle those two your damage output is completely neutered. I really hope there aren’t any celestial monsters on the islands…

I know paladin spell slots are really, really good for smiting, but as written we aren’t using them for anything else. okay yeah there’s summoning elephants, but that’s still a very small part of what paladins can do- they’ve got plenty of healing spells and defensive buffs they can offer, and while that might not be in-character, it’s a smart tactical decision.

your AC is bad. but you can just wear heavy armor if you feel like it. yeah two of these are just “if you deliberately kneecap yourself, you play worse,” and I’m sorry, but paladin’s a good class, fighter’s a good class, they’re just two great tastes that taste great together. their biggest real weakness is a lack of area of effect spells, but that’s not super punchy, and even then you can slice through six guys like it’s nothing with the only area you’re really affecting being your sword!

[theghostbunnie]

How do you see Max and Nikki’s relationship?

As siblings

I know that's like sometimes what ppl say when there's a straight pairing popular ship (makki) vs a gay popular one (maxneil) and they don't really mean it they just mean they have a uncomfortbilty or hatred towards one of the ships, but in my mind they're literally twins/hj

I have AUs where they're twins, half siblings, step siblings. I love them sm..There's even a line in one of the end credit rap songs that goes something like "we may not have the same color skin but imma treat em like my twin" and I'm like ah yes,,, something to feed into my delusions/j

((on a more srs note I feel like more ppl should look into the end credit lyrics alot of it seems specifically written to fit Max and might give people a better insight into his characterization))

But enough of my fannon delusions n self indulgence they're obviously not actually siblings they're best friends BUT they didn't start off that way no matter how sweet the "you now have three little bastards to deal with" line is bc in the first season, earlier episodes he's more of an asshole to her bc they're still getting to know each other.

He broke her instrument, quicker to basically tell her to shut up on multiple occasions, ect.

Back to the first episode, Max operates BIG on first impressions. Off the bat he's touching Neil's shoulder, he's impressed by his disrespect to authority, he wants to hotwire the bus with him. But Nikki? Hardly addressing her. Even says "why would you help us?" Bc despite biting him, she appeared to be just a 'little more violent, mini-David.' THAT was his first impression of her. Nikki didn't have his attention or respect technically until he learned her willingness to seek and cause chaos near the end of the episode. There's times at later points where she's clearly getting on his nerves.

I'm pretty sure I already wrote out a whole in depth thing about how Max has issues getting attached to people and will fight it off and deny it once it happens even at the cost of their feelings (points at camp corp episode) where as Nikki is a social person who has been denied a real friend til she came to camp campbell same as Neil, who is NOT a social person. They both start off clingy towards Max for this but Nikki works past it and makes 2 other friends while Neil doesn't.

So recap: Max builds a team of two other kids he can just share a common goal with at first, is a bit of a jerk to Nikki initially at times, but she grows on him and now he really values her as a friend n cares for her deeply.

But now onto NIKKI'S POV: She'd been bullied before, it was a traumatic experience for her yes but that's also the ONLY information we have on any past relationships she's had with peers, kids her own age. Any other time she's talking about someone she knew it's often just her mom. sometimes her dad (often not painting a good picture of him but through a childhood innocence lense) or an animal she knew.

So when she makes her first friend group in camp campbell her only prior experience with one is in the flower scouts. Nikki picked up bad habits from them bc she's a kid and doesn't have the emotional maturity to analyze her every behavior.

So when Max is being the type of person who was being quick to shut her down, who (in her own words) was micro managing her, and only ever seemed like he was having a good time when they were doing what HE planned to do, ofc she's gonna start harboring some complaints. Nikki isn't gonna sit down and talk about her feelings to him like an adult she's gonna do what the flower scouts taught her and you talk shit about the problem to OTHER friends.

This isn't to say she secretly hates him, no I firmly believe she deeply cares about him too but they're both flawed people so their friendship has flaws too that doesn't make it void of care for one another.

You can't unbiasedly hate on Nikki for that scene she's mocking him if you're not even taking into consideration WHAT her original issue was. Nikki shit talks, Max has control issues.

As episodes progress I think they really seem to work past it and become better people AND I THINK THAT'S RLLY SWEET I LOVE THEIR FRIENDSHIP ❣️❣️

The way they interact with each other throughout the series really shows that their differences might cause some clashing but they have FUN together and I think their differences and problems just make them more interesting characters

[direwombat]

what dnd class are you[r ocs]?

tagged by @alexxmason, @voidika, @socially-awkward-skeleton, @cassietrn, @jillvalentinesday, and @deputyash to do this fun little uquiz!

tagging @purplehairsecretlair, @aceghosts, @adelaidedrubman, @madparadoxum, @locustandwildhoney, @testyfestyenthusiast, @strangefable, @inafieldofdaisies, @josephslittledeputy, and anyone else wanting to give this quiz a go!

f;lakfdjaf I had this post all ready to post last night but then. accidentally hit my chromebook's power button instead of backspace (they're right on top of/under each other) and uh...had to do it all over again. so here they are

ROGUE. You are a Rogue, a skilled adventurer who uses guile and expertise to your advantage. You are often seen as stealthy and precise, aiming for your opponent's weakest points, but you can master various other skills to aid you on your journey. While you tend to be underhanded and greedy, you can also be daring, clever, insightful and charismatic.

*considering rogue (assassin) is one of the classes I would build syb out as (the other two being gloomstalker ranger and battlemaster fighter), yeah...accurate. she's very much a "hit 'em fast and hard" kind of combatant. dex/str/con are 100% her top 3 stats (followed by an ok wisdom score, meh int, and nothing higher than a 10 for charisma a;lfdkjadf). and of course she'd have the soldier background :)

WIZARD. You are a Wizard, the most learned of the spellcasters. You pursue both knowledge and power with great zeal, but tend to neglect other aspects of life, such as your social life and physical fitness. However, when you do open up, you have as much to offer to the conversation or party as anyone else.

*if Paola got anything other than wizard I would have been astonished. i think order of scribes with the sage background is how i'd class her out. also...I enjoy the idea of her partnering up with a version of charlie that's a monk/barbarian or monk/fighter (ie, I like the idea of mr. cutter being a bare-fists brawler. she is casting spells to help him win <3

STEFANO VESTRI (DND npc in the game i'm running...just for funsies)

BARD. You are a Bard, a spellcaster whose magic comes from artistic expression. While you aren't strictly the best at anything, you can easily be second best at whatever you put your mind to. You are creative but somewhat cowardly compared to most adventurers, but with the right party you can shine as a supporting player.

*al;fkdjafds dragged for filth. stef is indeed a Bard (which I'm sure is shocking to my players lmao). not good at anything. kind of a coward. some how charming nonetheless. he's just a floppy and foppish little guy <3

[variousqueerthings]

ok well, I’m well into s11 and so it’s time to talk about s10

Edit: talked so much about Margaret, that now I’m gonna divide it into individual posts: this one Margaret, then Klinger, then Charles, and maybe some closing thoughts

it’s funny because I’m reading back on the episodes and they were really solid + had some overall favourites in them, but I think my head has been in a “rapidly approaching the end” kind of mood, which has made it hard for me to go into watching episodes that are following the same patterns as before.

which is interesting, because obviously it’s syndication, and so that’s what the episodes are meant to be doing, I’m just being more and more subjective in how I engage with that format. I instinctively want these episodes (and the s11 ones) to give me character insights and building stakes, but of course it’s not going down like that 

(on that note I wonder if the backhalf of s11 will have some of that -- not the stakes so much, but big character moments that affect them throughout the rest of the season, or if it’s not until the last episode that these things occur)

I think my main (subconscious?) comparison while watching this is deep space nine -- I’m drawing lines across the two that aren’t at all intentional, but just come from how deeply these two shows have affected me, but of course one of the things that makes deep space nine special is that it resisted easy categorisation by making a series of arcs that continued throughout the whole show and continuously affected and changed the characters, even as it was technically meant to be in syndication (and airing things out of order was consequently a mess) 

watching MASH for the first time, what surprised me was that it threaded in long-term character arcs into the syndication format, with Margaret’s arc being the one that I think is the most obvious. 

so speaking of Margaret I think that arc culminated in “stars and stripes,” in season 8, which gave me one of my favourite interactions between any characters on the show (the final one with her and Hawkeye). 

In s9+10 she’s had “father’s day” and “the birthday girls” which both give us things (in particular was interesting to finally see her father and be like... “yeah, you’re exactly the kind of man I imagined... a dick” + whenever Potter especially stands up for Margaret I’m warm and fuzzy -- “birthday girls” sees a rare Klinger and Margaret bonding moment, and I just rewatched “aid station” way back in s3 in which he and Hawkeye both tell her she’s their favourite, so am glad they got this moment)

but I would argue, especially “the birthday girls” isn’t so much taking her character new places, so much as polishing up some things we already know + giving a few neat character interactions

beyond that she’s been far more of an ensemble member, and not in a way where she gets to have narratives in conjunction with others, except for in “give ’em hell, hawkeye,” in which she’s specifically in charge of the garden + speaks with the Korean kid who’s struggling 

In “that’s show biz” she fades a bit to the back after the first half, but it does have one of my favourite things about Margaret, which is her bonding with another woman (and me feeling some kinda gay way about it)

-- I’m also personally very fond of the dressing-down she gives BJ in “wheelers and dealers” -- she and BJ and Hawkeye don’t share as much space as during the hey-days of s7. (There’s also “oh, how we danced,” in s9 when she dances with BJ, but she’s not so involved with the plot beyond that, which is similar to her space in “wheelers and dealers” and generally how I’ve felt her character to exist in s10).

EDIT: actually as with so many others, one of my favourite Margaret moments in s10 came from “where there’s a will, there’s a war,” and it’s the scene where she and Hawkeye are laughing in the supply room. have talked a lot about how she and Hawkeye have one of my favourite dynamics as a particular kind of misfit finding one another, and that scene highlights it so well!!!

EDIT EDIT: I cannot BELIEVE I forgot her scream in “follies of the living” it’s one of the top ten Margaret moments of all time! I feel like that really contained some of the tensions I’ve been missing from her character in s9+10, and it didn’t need that much episode space!

what I’m getting at is that she’s not much of a plot-driver, either on her own or in coordination with one or a couple of other characters. She’s in the main ensemble, but she’s not getting to do much that tells us about how she feels or where she might be going next. there’s a little bit of plateauing going on in my opinion

lastly wanted to mention “sons and bowlers,” in which I felt kind of bad for her the whole way through, which was at odds with the intentions of the episode I feel. I think she deserved to be angrier at the way she was being treated in it, rather than “just” desperate for a chance to prove herself, and I think that was a good example of where I feel like I’m missing something from how she’s included this second-to-last season, in connection with what I was saying above (that is, as childish as it comes out, I want there to be some lasting deep character exploration to take me towards the end of the story. I think my expectations are unfairly higher, because I’m sad)

It also features this one sweater I have mixed feelings about, which she wears reeelatively often these days (I am going to figure out how often on this next watch I’m doing). On the one hand, it indicates a freer Margaret who isn’t so bound by military conventions in order to create her sense of self, on the other hand, I feel like it acts as a softening characteristic, similar to (more ds9 parallels) how Kira Nerys went from being a stompy butch to growing her hair out and wearing dresses in order to allegedly not alienate fans. 

so whenever I see it I feel a bit... suspicious. 

It’s a hard balance for her to pull off the abrasive, perfectionist a-student with a chip on her shoulder characteristics with the person who has softened, because she now trusts the people around her and doesn’t have to put up so much of a front all the time. And I imagine this is all so subjective, and back in “stars and stripes” we got some of the core of Margaret’s conflict and it relates very much to what I’m saying -- everything that she is is balanced precariously and constantly expected to perform in one way or another for men around her. In a lot of ways that performance relates to how an audience views her as well. She has a lot more to pull off than the other characters, and has from the get-go

It’s nice to think that maybe her character has let go of some of those expectations, but at the same time I feel like there’s so much more depth to get out of the questions and conflicts her character has, and I don’t think a looser sweater can solve them

[hargrove-mayfields]

Back when things were still easy, Billy and Max used to have sibling days on the weekends when Neil wouldn’t be home, setting aside their issues to have just one day that was meant for doing something fun together.

The tradition had been dropped after the move to Hawkins, and Max thinks that’s where a lot of the strain on their relationship comes from. Without those designated times to let go of some of the tension building between them, they fall to pieces.

There’s one day in particular where it’s just Max at home all by herself, her mother and Neil having gone on a trip to the city she opted out of, when Billy shows up much earlier than he said he would be back, ruining the calm when he slammed the front door so hard a picture frame fell off the wall.

Neither of them say a word to the other, all she gets is an apologetic and glossy looking glance for the noise as he storms past her like she isn’t even there.

She doesn’t see Billy again for a long time after that, just hears the angry music blaring in his room. By now, she’s wisened up enough to know that meant he was probably crying in there, and though she doesn’t know what happened, she feels bad.

It’d been far too long since they acted anything like real siblings, not that they were actually related, but they used to be just as close, so after her brother’s been brooding for literal hours, she knows she wants to do something.

Her opportunity to bring it up comes when Billy makes his grand appearance at her door, stopping by to ask if she ate dinner just so he, quote ‘wouldn’t get any shit for it.’ She nods in agreement and asks, “Do you know what day it is, Billy?”

He shrugs, “28th of June.”

“Well, doy, but it’s also Friday.” Billy raises an eyebrow, missing the point, and Max rolls her eyes. “Friday. You know, like, the one day we get to hang out.”

Too cool for that stuff anymore apparently, he scoffs and leans against the doorframe, and she just knows he’s going to say something snarky, so she turns the puppy dog eyes up a notch, “Please? It’ll be fun.”

It works, Billy sighs way over dramatic and steps into her room, throwing himself down onto her beanbag chair. She can’t contain the smile on her face when he asks with fake defeat, “What did you want, shitbird?”

“I want a makeover day. Like we used to do.”

“Not gonna happen.”

“Why?” She crosses her arms, “Just because that’s what I want to do?”

He fixes her with a look that says ‘seriously?’, and explains, an edge of frustration to his voice, “No, because you know what’ll happen if I’m struttin’ around in nail polish and shit when Neil gets back.”

“They’re not supposed to come back until like, Monday though,” in response to her excuses, he mimics her in crossing his arms over his chest, so she tries harder to reason with him, “And we can always just take it off when we’re done.”

“That’s just a waste of your stuff, then.”

“Come on, Billy, please?” she’s out of actual arguments and he’s winning, so she brings out the big guns, the little sister privilege, the one surefire way she knows will always knock her brother off guard, “I miss you.”

He squints at her, seeing through the attempted guilt trip, but he can’t muster a frown, and he must know it wasn’t all fake, because he says, “Whatever.”

She knows that’s his version of a yes and he’s just too proud to admit he caved, so she squeals and claps her hands together, taking off like a shot to dig under her bed for the stowed away beauty kit. It’s a little wicker basket filled to the brim with nail polish and makeup, the same one they’d used years ago before everything went wrong, and it makes her happy, bringing the old thing back out.

She stops to put a record in her player, choosing Queen as the closest thing to a middle ground between their respective music tastes, they at least both weren’t supposed to listen to it, and drops down into the other chair beside Billy.

On the latch-hook rug in front of them, she starts to empty the basket, lining up all her brightly colored bottles of nail polish, slightly dried out after months of not using them. “What color?”

“Why do I have to go first?” Billy asks. All Max has to say in response is a know-it-all “Because I said so.”

“Fine. You pick.” The moment he says it he looks like he regrets it, Max is notoriously bad at making decisions, but she ignores him and starts holding up bottles anyways.

First, after few minutes deliberation, she chooses a pretty dark green, and he scrunches his nose and doesn’t say anything. She picks a purplish color, which he tosses away on the bed, a very firm ‘no’ that makes Max giggle. Then she gives him a bright orange bottle, and he holds in front of his face, studying it before turning that one down too.

“God, if I knew you’d be so annoying I would’ve just painted them all the colors.” She remarks, lining up her polishes so she could do just that.

“That’s actually probably not a very good idea, kiddo.” Looking a little panicked, he digs through the bottles himself, settling on one he pulls away and stares at for a second before handing it to her and telling her, “Just do ‘em red.”

It confuses her, but she agrees regardless, and makes him turn in his seat so he’s facing her and his hands are flat on the floor. His hands are a little shaky, so her paint job isn’t the best, she even drips some on the carpet, which she hopes her mother won’t notice, but Billy doesn’t say anything about the mess.

With his nails done she moves onto his hair, she wants to do double braids like how he taught her to do in her own hair, so she shoves his arm to get him to turn around. “Scoot.”

He lets her push him around until he’s in the right place that she can reach his hair, but once he’s facing the far wall he tells her, “Don’t you dare use that brush on my hair, Maxine.”

“Jeez, relax. I’m not gonna mess up your princess curls.” She mocked, but she still went for the comb to run through his hair instead.

She waited until she could get it through without catching on any tangles before bothering trying to talk to him. When Billy was upset, he tended to clam up, but she didn’t particularly like feeling awkward in the silence, leaving all the talking to the record player. “Can we talk about why you were mad earlier?”

“Nope.”

“Would you tell me if I told you about my day?” She tries, but he shuts it down again with an “Unlikely.”

“I’ll tell you anyways.” Max didn’t know what had happened with Billy, but she knew she hadn’t had the greatest morning herself either. “I had to ask Lucas to bring me home early because me and Mike got in a fight.”

Billy snorted, and spoke with just as much sarcasm as Max had used on him. She learned that from him anyways. “You and Mike? No.”

“Yeah. He was being a total ass about El, trying to like, own her or something, so I told him to lay off ‘cause that’s totally not fair.”

She knew that Billy, having graduated and turned 18 now, was probably getting a little old for this type of drama, but he was a good listener, no matter how much he pretended not to care, always giving little bits of insight and saying things to make her laugh.

She continues, “Well, anyways he like, totally bit my head off for sticking up for her, so then I told him he was just a miserable mouth breather who’s jealous of El being happy, and he tried to kick me out.”

Billy laughed at that, muttering a little ‘ow’ when the action made Max pull his hair, “But you left before he could kick you out right?”

“Duh.” She sighs a little, the fun part of the story over. “Then when we pulled up outside, Lucas said something stupid about it being my fault or whatever, so I dumped him again.”

“Good. I told you not to take any shit from them anymore.” Billy had been less than happy with her friends a lot recently, when she’d come home from school or from hanging out upset over something they said. They never meant to hurt her feelings, but Billy didn’t like it all the same, and made her promise she’d stand up for herself a little more. Like she did to him.

“Yeah, I guess.” It makes her feel light on the inside, to know Billy was proud of her for following his advice, in his own way at least. “So? What happened to you?”

He shrugs again, and blows her off, “It’s nothing.”

“You were crying.”

“Yeah, and it’s none of your business.”

“Maybe not,” she fumbles with the braid and loses it, Billy’s stupid uneven mullet making it way too hard to braid so many different lengths of hair, “But I’m like, an expert now. El says she likes my advice.”

Under his breath, Billy mutters, “‘Course she does.”

Max purses her lips and pretends she didn’t hear that before continuing her offer, “Anyways, I can always try to help.”

“Listen, it’s just stupid dating stuff. Nothin’ you need to be worrying about.”

“But I’m a girl. I can give advice about that.” She thinks about it for a second, “I mean, I know more about being a girlfriend than having one, but it’s probably about the same.”

“Maybe.” Billy mumbles, focusing all his attention on picking at the nail polish that had missed the edges of his nails, and just from the way he tensed up she can tell she’d overstepped Billy’s boundaries in some way or another.

She finishes of the braid she had already started over twice now and puts a blue scrunchie on the end of it, giving him a minute.

When she starts combing out the rest of his hair is when Billy speaks again, not a drop of his distinctly Billy attitude in his words as he admitted softly, “You know, shitbird, I never said anything ‘bout having a girlfriend.”

That’s confusing to her at first, because he had just told her it was a dating thing, but Max’d been hearing all the nasty things Neil said about Billy for years now, and while she might just be a kid, might be the clueless and annoying little sister, she still knew the weight of what he’d just admitted to her.

It had always made her sad, to know Neil didn’t really like Billy, all the mean words he used, ones she wouldn’t dare repeat, to describe Billy and his friends, all the lies he told about him behind his back. But she doesn’t buy it, what her asshole step-dad had to say.

Her brother was cool, and she liked hanging out with him, when he wasn’t being such a jerk. The fact that he had a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend didn’t change that in the least bit.

She hums, trying to gather words and, her voice strained against the outburst of happiness, says “See? I can totally help with boy stuff.”

[magnumdays]

PI 4.16 - Evil Walks Softly review

This week was very serious. And sure the premises; a bomb going of that’s for serious, but it was serious in tone too. Which Magnum often isn’t. I mean even poisoned Magnum was cracking jokes. No jokes in this one. Magnum and Higgins were just 100% focused on the case (well Magnum was having some guilty-sad-regret-y feeling about his mom too). Which I liked but made the episode feel a bit different from normal.

I love that it got us the end scene which kept that tone but let us get a little bit more insight to what Magnum was thinking and feeling through-out as well as giving us soft Higgy. Both of which I’m here for.

I mean… Juliet not only saying yes to staying for beers, being all feelings=not running away but also a comforting hand squeezes?

How could I not be here for it?

Is just so nice when they have end of case/episode moments and talks.

Side plot wise… while they are helping out at the disaster site TC gets to make things right with fire fighter lady he ghosted a year+ ago.

It too felt really both funny and serious because Rick and Kumu are so amused but TC was clearly feeling bad about it even after a long time and was super awkward. It was a bit of a random thing to throw in too, she super stunning and seems cool (fire fighter!!!) though so I guess I’m not complaining.

Especially as she did agree to go out with him again. Wait? Are they’re pairing everyone up this season? Why does this make me worried? Like are they scared they’re not getting a season 5 and wants to give everyone HEA? (Also why does HEA always require a BF/GF?)

The case this week…well, I guess it was interesting. I like cases where the person in question really can’t got to the police because they have (or in this case that someone they love have) done something slightly shady.

Magnum and Higgins once more think it’s a good idea to lie to Gordon and get chewed out for it…

(But he forgives them, as always. I mean they so pretty I’d forgive em too…)

Bad guy being the neighbor using the kid to rob a bank and threatening his mom felt like a bit obvious. I mean, not the robbing a bank part, but because no one else was introduced in his life as a possible red herring it was him or no one. I guess better obvious than totally out of nowhere random stuff though.

This scene where Rider is all confess-y when Bad Guy (who was threatening to kill his mom) was right there cozying up to her, well, I think just maybe-just maybe a slightly unstable mourning teen whose just been through some serious shit would have said or lashed out or done something. But maybe not. Maybe he was sure it would all go wrong and his mom would die, so he confessed. That might have made sense to a teen brain as well… (Or was just more convenient for him not to speak up… because Magnum and Higgins needed to solve the case and save the day.)

Anyhow, the solving of case was not really the focus, it was all about saving the kid even if it was from his own actions and words. But I liked it. I felt pretty bad about it all. At least they got the bad guys and hopefully a lawyer got Rider some sort of deal.

Least favorite part of the episode was the start; Higgins run with Maleah. IDK but to me it felt very disjointed from the rest of this serious episode, also while it’s funny with Juliet going “why is everyone shipping us these days” those are def. not words I imagine coming out of Juliet Higgins mouth.

Further there was no real call back to anything related to their little chat, which just made it feel strange… I guess someone just wanted to have the line “We gotta talk about Miggins…” in an episode and they’re building up to something Miggy for the finale so they’re add little bits like this in. But I mean for as much as we got out of the interaction, we could have had Maleah asking Juliet for tips on yoga studios or new computers or healthy smoothie recipes!

(If she had show might have finally passed the Bechdel test… because I’m frankly not sure we have and it’s been 4 seasons, but I could be wrong maybe we have some scene with Kumu and Higgy or a client and Higgy talking about something not to do with a guy?)

Juliet not giving an inch or sharing any of her actual thoughts or feels was in character though. And it was fun. BUT it would have fit better in another episode IMHO.

Or if there had been some little call back to Kumu asking Maleah “how’d it go?” “my ass is sore” and Kumu going “not that part” and then Maleah smiling and the scene ending, so it’s hinted that Kumu is the one to have pushed her to ask. Because does Maleah spend enough time around Magnum and Higgins to notice? Maybe… it’s pretty obvious at this point.

Anyways, this despite the banter (?) with Maleah and spending the whole case together and then having a moment there at the end (still smiling about the whole “my mom would have really liked you”) this was not an overly Miggy episode to me.

Like even when she stays for beers, it’s not actually (as much as I’d like it to be) her being ready to take a step forward in their relationship. It’s her seeing that her friend and partner is hurting and wanting to stay for him, to comfort him and help him. At least that’s how I read it. It was still a super nice moment and shows how much she’s grown even in just like the past year when it comes to reading his feelings.

So, low on the UST in this but high on the BFF/best partner energy and this is why they’re my OTP. I love them just as much when they’re just being there for each other as we’re they’re giving each other fuck me eyes for 42 minutes (I mean there is one or two hungry eyes in this too, but not nearly as many as some episodes).

Looking forward to 4.17 but also sad because dang, we only got what? 4 episodes to go? But my birthday is the 31th so I’m going to pretend 4.17 is a special late birthday gift to me and thus very much worth waiting for!

[tedturneriscrazy]

A surprising number of people seemed to like what I had to say about Separate Tides, so let's do it again with Escaping Expulsion! Again, no profound insights or deep analysis here, just some of my thoughts.

Wow, Odalia, it only took you two minutes to make me hate your guts, bravo!

Incidentally, after hearing Odalia call Amity "Mittens," that nickname is officially ruined for me.

The fact Amity keeps the Grom photo on her at all times ❤

Luz giving me flashbacks to the Avatar intro

Of course Lilith is a teacher's pet. And of course it's adorable.

I didn't know "tool" as an insult was allowed on kids' shows, but then again Gravity Falls did get away with "McSuckit," so...

My boy Gus is becoming a man! Love that for him!

As disturbing as that fairy pie is (can't wait to see what @dtdynasty does with that, btw), it's a very sweet gesture, especially if Amity made it herself.

The fact Odalia had Amity come along just to witness the expulsion 🤬

Ah, Alador, you're almost endearing enough to make me forget you're a terrible father.

I know it's mostly played for laughs, but Bump does seem genuinely heartbroken about having to expel Luz, Willow, and Gus.

Willow watering the tree with her tears 💔

I can empathize with Amity in this situation. Gathering up the courage to stand up to a domineering parental figure is hard.

The animators knew exactly what they were doing putting Luz in that pose. Prove me wrong.

More Lulu and Hootcifer! Fuck yeah.

I do appreciate that Luz encounters the abomination butler and almost immediately gives it a cat face. By extension, I also appreciate that Amity sees the cat face and immediately knows who stopped by.

I had heard the comparisons made between the Blights and Tony Stark, and considering their main business I can see it.

Considering how much Odalia is enjoying tormenting poor Luz, I think the show really wants me to hate her. To which I shall oblige.

I never knew or even thought about what the Hexside uniform looked like without the cowl until this episode.

Happy to see Willow's dads have more screen time. Maybe more than a few seconds in future episodes?

At least we know that Glasses Dad is the Cool Dad.

"Luz is in trouble!" "Again!"

The way they argue about how to break into the building is a nice moment. Ironically, the way they bicker actually makes me believe their friendship.

Ed and Em coming in with the assist (and "Hex me" signs) is likewise a good sibling/family moment.

The whole "Stay away from my Luz!" moment...I have further words, but I'll need another post (and some screencaps) for that.

That said...LUZ BLUSH LUZ BLUSH LUZ BLUSH LUZ BLUSH LUZ BLUSH LUZ BLUSH LUZ BLUSH

Also, Amity, goddamn-ity! Be the badass you were destined to be!

Overall great Lumity content in this one.

I saw a few rumblings about Luz not being the one to figure out the whole combining glyphs thing, but I'm honestly okay with it. As smart and clever as Luz is, it's important to remember that Eda and Lilith still have 40+ years of experience using magic, and they were both shown to be strong academically, so it makes sense for them to make such discoveries.

As weird as it sounds, seeing Odalia and Alador talk post-demo, I think they actually genuinely love each other. It would be more endearing if they weren't such shitty parents.

While I wasn't charmed by the Golden Guard in the last episode like everyone else seemed to be, I actually liked his presence here. The veiled threat wrapped inside the gift of financial support was rather brilliant. It somehow hadn't occurred to me that what Blight Industries was doing was tantamount to building a private army, but in hindsight that's actually quite obvious.

One last thing: I find it interesting that Blight Industries, as successful and lucrative as it is, is, in fact, a subsidiary of the Abomination Coven. I wonder how that'll come into play later...

Okay, that's it for now. I think later I'll talk about Amity's dramatic entrance and why that was the perfect moment for Luz to realize her crush on Amity.

[costellos]

Got any blogs you recommend?

OH BOY DO I. before I begin, though, I know I have quite a few minors following me on this blog. I ask that you please respect these writers’ boundaries if they specifically state they’re 18+! it’s an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved, and by interacting with their blog, you’re violating the terms of their consent. I’ve included quite a few sfw blogs for you to look at, so by all means -- look all you like!

@densecloud | multi-fandom 

favorite piece: what else can I do, except adore you? | ryomen sukuna (jjk)

BOY OH BOY. I love Leslie and literally everything she puts out there!!! she tends to focus on fluff and domestic pieces. and I know this is a given with these genres, but everything she writes is soooo comforting. not in a traditional sense, though. like if I had to describe it, her work reminds me of falling snow, a rainy day, or waking up at 3AM and being completely at peace. I think her piece “Chrysalism” exemplifies that best. there’s just something so serene about her craft that’s so unique from most other fluff-oriented authors. 

please go give her work some love!!! Leslie is still relatively new to the tumblr writing scene and she deserves so much more attention on her work. (also she’s like. the funniest damn person I’ve had the honor of interacting on here. pls read her tags.)

@j0succ | multi-fandom, 18+

favorite piece: a well-rounded education | multiple (jjk)

Nat has SUCH a playful style and I can’t even begin to elaborate how much I love it. you can see this best with their “A Well-Rounded Education” series, especially in Nanami’s chapter! like everything in this chapter is just so fun, from the way they describe Nanami himself to how they highlight Gojo’s lightheartedness vs the Reader’s seriousness as teachers. plus! the tension in their stories!! so much sexual tension!!! Nat does a PHENOMENAL job at building up sexc scenes and I am so envious of their skill.

they’re also just a super open person. v non-judgmental on like literally everything. their blog has a lot of content on chubby!Reader, so check ‘em if that’s something you’re looking for!

@ddarker-dreams | multi-fandom, 18+

favorite piece: scarlet ribbons | bucci gang (jjba)

okay so Lock is most known for her horror content, but I feel like her fluff isn’t recognized enough. I am in LOVE with her Scarlet Ribbons series. each chapter makes me feel so warm. I also feel like she doesn’t get enough credit for her timing? like, there have been instances where I’ve literally laughed out loud to her pieces with Mista. ofc that comes to play in her horror content too, but she’s just a really funny person as a whole and I feel like that should be recognized.

overall - you know how you can tell when someone is smiling when they’re on the phone with you? that’s the kind of vibe I get when I read her work. Lock puts her everything into her craft, which is incredible considering she’s a full-time student!

@dear-yandere​ | multi-fandom

favorite piece: almost god | dio brando (jjba)

you’ve probably heard of Vanya if you’ve been on the tumblr fanfiction scene for a while! and for a good reason too -- her work is otherworldly. my jaw literally dropped reading her “Almost God” piece. she has this crazy ability to get into a character’s psyche and write it in such an insightful way. like. my pea brain can’t wrap my head around it; just check out “Almost God” to get my point.

Vanya’s also a huge advocate for recognizing and protecting content creators’ work on this platform. she’s a godsend, I love her and her ruthlessness, but she’s also incredibly kind and I have sosososo much respect for her!

@storiesthatneedtobewritten​ | multi-fandom

favorite piece: pining | ryuji sakamoto (p5)

Emmy!!! my love. Emmy is a literal machine, she’s amazing at coming up with such fun headcanons on the fly. hence, she’s always interacting with her followers! she plays so many ask games and it’s always a blast bouncing off of her and her big brain. her blog is different form these in that she focuses more on short n’ sweet content, and if you’re looking for that kind of stuff, look no further!!

also? also. Emmy is literally one of the kindest and most patient people I’ve met on here. her blog makes me feel like I’m in a swanky cafe / library, and she’s the barista giving me personalized content.

@bigwriterenergy​ | multi-fandom, 18+

favorite piece: kissing as a distraction | bruno bucciarati, giorno giovanna, guido mista (jjba)

fun fact, Goose’s writing is what actually motivated me to make this blog! they have SUCH a strong grasp on literally every character they write about. like, their headcanons tend to fair on the shorter side, and they make the most out of literally every word they lay out. I try to emulate that in my own work, so I take a lot of inspiration from them!

Goose is also in the midst of shifting to multi-fandom; be sure you support them as they do so!! it’s tough engaging a new audience and they deserve every damn person on this platform to read their work.

@moonbeamwritings​ | multi-fandom

favorite piece: realizations series | multiple (jjba, hq!!)

Maeve is an INCREDIBLE fluff writer, oh my GOD. she absolutely nails the pining part of relationships in her “Realizations” series. it’s bananas how well she can exemplify that shift from “haha we’re just 2 besties” to “oh lord I think I’m in love with his moron” and how those characters settle into those emotions. hence, she excels in writing actions and inner thoughts. it’s something I struggle with and she makes it look so easy!

Maeve is another writer who’s shifting to multi-fandom -- please go support her! she’s settling into Haikyuu!! as we speak, so if you’re interested in tender volleyball content, check her out.

@violettelueur | jjk

favorite piece: s/o with eczema | itadori yuji, megumi fushiguro

literally the Jujutsu Kaisen content queen herself. it’s unlikely you haven’t seen her pop up in the tags if you’re in this fandom, but my god does she deserve it. Violettelueur is another fluff writer who puts so much effort to make everyone feel included on her blog. like... my favorite piece, the “s/o with eczema” one, is such a niche topic (where my dry skin girls at make some noise!!!!) and yet. she tackled it nonetheless. I’m amazed with how much effort she puts into literally everything she writes, because good lord do I wish I had the drive she does.

Vio is currently taking a break from writing, but I highly recommend chilling out and having coffee with her (ie checking out her blog)! there’s a ton to content to skim through while you relax.

[citadelspires]

P1 - Given how great you're track record's been for doing hypothetical interactions of Amphibia kids with the Duck kids and Owl House kids, let's try doing the Duck kids meeting the Owl House kids and who they'd like the best. I'll exclude Violet for this for the sake of evenening things out 5 to 5. I'd assume Luz would get along best with Dewey (both jump into adventure), King with Louie (could see em teaming up for a scheme), Willow with Huey (eh, more leftover interaction but can work)

Screenshot of second half of the ask provided. Text: P2 Gus with Webby (would totally ask each other lots of questions about their species), and Amity with Lena (both got abusive figures they stood up to and would totally talk about their crushes on Luz and Webby LOL). Would love to see you take on Duck kids and Owl House kids interactions.

First of all I’m very pleased to hear you find my track record on these posts good, they’ve been really fun to write and it makes me really happy people like them! Second I am so sorry it’s taken so long to get to this ask, it’s a really in depth one and it took a long time to write, I hope you’ll find it was worth the wait!

Aight! Oh and one last thing real quick before I get into it. I hope you wouldn’t mind me adding Violet back in, partially due to the fact I love her, but mostly because there’s actually another owl house character I think works significantly better with Louie than anyone else and I really want the chance to talk about that. Saving that one for last hehe. This’ll be another long one, writing below the cut.

Luz and Webby So I do like a lot of the possible interactions brought up by your suggested grouping but my mind went in a few different directions. I’ll start with Luz, who would fit in best with another excitable adventuring partner, as pointed out, but I think the best fit for her in that regard would actually be Webby. While Dewey would no doubt get along great with Luz, there’s a special element to the potential relationship between Luz and Webby that really elevates the potential of their friendship to another level, that being: they both want to eat a hamburger.

An aspect of Webby I wish the later seasons of the show got into a little more, but is definitely something I would consider a core part of her character, is the fact that she got held up in the mansion her whole childhood, with no opportunities to interact with the world around her, have all the adventures she wanted, and most importantly to just be seen as the kid she wanted to be. And while Luz was technically able to go out into the world, the place she found wasn’t one that was willing to see her, or give her any of the chances she longed for. Both Webby and Luz fully understand that feeling of being trapped in your own life, of finally getting the chance to break out and just doing your best to make the most of it. I think there’s a lot the two could gain from spending some time together.

(Also, to borrow the bit about gushing about their crushes but from the other end, these two would totally get sidetracked talking about their respective crushes and also trying to play wingman for each other. It’s a massive comic disaster in both cases, but somehow both Lena and Amity manage to find it endearing).

Amity and Violet Okay wait lemme explain. While the two of them don’t have a whole lot in common at first glance, I think they would genuinely get along extremely well. While a lot of Amity’s focus on school came at the force of her parents, you cannot honestly expect me to believe that girl isn’t a studious nerd on her own anyway. Heck even outside the realm of studies she throws her full dedication into literally every single thing she does. Remind you of anyone? Beyond just being extremely intelligent Violet is clever and ready for anything. She takes everything in stride and always has a plan, she can go from “we were sleeping over and you said everybody get on the plane, so we got on the plane” to “I brought an axe” in a minute flat.

I like to think the two of them would have a mutual respect for each other based on their respective intellects upon first meeting, but as they become closer friends they find they can move from more serious respect to a casual enjoyment of each other. I would go as far as to say that both of these characters really value dependability in a friend, and that they each provide a lot of that. To wrap back around to the stuff about intelligence I think Violet could provide a lot of insight to Amity as far as showing her that pursuing studies and academic heights of her own volition can be something that she can just do because she wants to, and that’s no excuse for unhealthy parental relationships. Getting along so well with someone like Violet only to see that her parents are actually really loving and supportive, that would be really eye-opening for Amity I think. For Violet’s part she could get a lot of help from Amity as far as her pursuit of the secrets of magic goes. I suspect Amity would be much more interested in the study of her magic than Violet would be able to get Lena to tolerate lol.

Bonus Round: Amity would absolutely be a senior junior woodchuck and she would love it you cannot convince me otherwise. She starts quoting the JWGB around the owl house kids and they all look at her like she’s crazy.

Lena and Willow I feel like this one might seem a little out there at first but trust me on this one. Initially Lena doesn’t think too much of Willow, being as close as she is to Webby she knows liking flowers and cute things doesn’t mean Willow is automatically to be taken lightly but she feels like she’s got a good read on her that she generally prefers to avoid trouble and turns down opportunities for violence, which isn’t really Lena’s deal. Over time Lena figures she was right about her first impressions as Willow doesn’t seem to take many opportunities to expose some hidden power, even when Lena knows the people around her kinda deserve it.

She learns to adjust her opinion when she finally does get the chance to see Willow in action and realizes that girl is more powerful than any of the other kids she’s met in the boiling aisles bar none(yes this is my genuine opinion of willow if you don’t think she could kick your ass you’re wrong). It’s at that moment where she starts to pay more attention to Willow and notices a lot more of the strength she puts into all the little things, how much she cares for everyone and everything, and it does a great deal to show Lena that maybe having super strong magic powers isn’t mutually exclusive with being kind and gentle. And maybe gentle isn’t her thing but still, it’s nice to know.

For Willow’s part she’s just happy to make more friends. Especially if the opportunity arises, as I like to think it would, when they’re close enough friends, that Lena would start to hint around asking questions about how Willow remains so casual and nice with the ability to do so much damage, and Willow takes the chance to help Lena figure out her magic a bit more, and learn how to better appreciate it as an aspect of herself she doesn’t have to be scared of. (I mean come on Lena never really learned how to do any of it except barely kind of from Magica of all people she could really  use something like that).

Huey and Gus Now there are some certain things about Gus that would drive Huey absolutely nuts. His lack of primary and reliable sources for any of his information being a big one, but at the end of the day I think he’d enjoy Gus’ desire to learn in the first place. Gus would probably be a little dubious about Huey’s “sources” and “citations” but if it helped him get more info on the human realm he’d certainly go for it in the end. In that way the two balance each other out pretty well. Gus is studious and intelligent but he’s a little off the wall, he’s got a big creative streak, and he’s really excitable. Huey is really really good at facts and analysis but he lacks the strength in imagination that Gus has. Huey is able to take all the grandiose concepts Gus is able to think up and help make them actually happen. Gus has that specific brand of an adventurers soul matched up with the fact he’s not actually the type to get into danger and fights, meaning he’s able to drag Huey out of his comfort zone a little and help him reach new heights with his mind that his struggles with creativity prevent him from reaching, while managing to not make him feel like he’s actually in danger. I actually believe the two of them together could get some really incredible stuff done.

What I’m saying is that with Huey’s help Gus could absolutely complete his tunnels under Hexside.

Dewey and King Now this, this is the pair who would go incredibly well together, at the detriment of literally everyone around them. If there is one person King “I Will Rule Everything” Clawthorne should not be exposed to its Dewey Duck. Within minutes of meeting each other the two of them would immediately have so many bad ideas. Between Dewey’s insistence on being the best and most daring adventurer while putting his name on everything and going down in history & King’s trying to rule everything and everyone, the attempts to raise the stakes would be constant and the two would spend literal hours endlessly trying to one-up each other. All in one day they search for legendary treasure, discover an entirely new civilization, try to take over said civilization, create a new species just to name it after themselves, and build statues of themselves in the middle of Bonesbourough. And that’s all before lunch.

Louie Here it is. The one I waited till the very end for out of sheer excitement. I even kept the second name out of the heading thing. That’s how secretive I’m trying to be about this. See, there’s one character in the owl house that works so well with Louie it’s practically canon. Their interactions have so much potential, they each bring so much to the table, I just couldn’t Not talk about it. And yeah, I know this ask was specifically asking about the owl house and ducktales kids, but I just couldn’t resist talking about the relationship between Louie and Eda.

A con artist from another world who was so successful she became nationally famous? There’s no way Louie would pass up an opportunity like that. For his part I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already managed to set up another underworld identity in the boiling aisles, or at the very least that Eda could totally have been to the ducktales realm and heard of his one there.

Either way I’m convinced the two of them would start planning a heist as soon as they figure out who each other are. Eda is a little prideful and wants to show this kid he can’t out-con her, but Louie knows what he’s doing just as much. Honestly with the two of them combined Eda wouldn’t have to worry about losing her stand for a long time. Over the course of their planning and seeing Louie in action Eda begrudgingly gains some respect for the  kid, and while Louie was definitely just using her as a learning/profit opportunity at first, he’s pretty susceptible to getting attached.

For Louie, it’s the fact that she actually respects him for being good at what he does. Even back with his family who all love and care about him and all that he still feels like most of them don’t really get what he does or see what’s special about him, so having someone who made a whole life of it be even a little proud of him feels really nice.

And of course, at the end of their heist when they finally have the money in hand, and Eda just casually hands over his half, he stares at her like she’s crazy.

“You’re just.. Giving it to me?!”

“Well, yeah. That was the deal wasn’t it kid? I mean if you really want I definitely have a few ideas for it.”

“No! Uh, no, thanks, I’ll keep it. It’s just that you really remind me of someone, I guess I was expecting something else.”

[taetaespeaches]

“I don’t want her looking at anyone else that way.”

taehyung x reader (or oc) (feat. platonic yoongi) genre: angst; fluff word count: 2.8K

a/n: Hi lovelies! I got a request a little while ago to write something for Tae and Peaches based on ‘Is There Somewhere’ by Halsey, so here it is, though it’s kind of loosely based. This takes place about two weeks after “You should call me daddy more often” and Tae is jealous that Peaches is still seeing the girl mentioned briefly in the above fic. This also gives you some insight into Peaches and Yoon’s friendship. As always, thanks for reading and I hope you all enjoy! :))

THE beat resounded through the studio for the fifth time in a row as you tapped along against the couch you were sat upon. What started as just a fingertip tapping quickly turned into your whole palm slapping the leather, knowing it would get on your host’s nerves.

Sure enough, a sigh sounded from the man sitting in the chair in front of you, causing you to smirk. “Can you stop?” He asked in annoyance, though you knew he wasn’t really all that bothered.

“I’ll think about it,” you teased, Yoongi shaking his head. Pulling out your phone, you opened your messages with Taehyung, re-reading the last texts sent, the conversation mostly in blue, various texts going from cheerful “Morning sunshine!!!” to “Hey, how are you?” to “Hi” and ending with “Ok?”

The last text conversation you had, and conversation in general, was Tae asking about your date with the same girl you started seeing a few days after everyone went to karaoke. When you mentioned that it would be your fourth date in the matter of two weeks, he acted almost bitter, becoming distant before halting replies altogether. “No, that’s fine, you can date who you want. I just didn’t know you were actually into her” was the last you’d heard from him.

Still beating on the arm of the sofa, Yoongi turned around and shot you a silent glare until you looked up from your phone. “You’re being a pest.”

“Yoongles, I’m bored,” you whined, Yoongi huffing.

“You’re supposed to be listening to what’s missing,” Yoongi told you, biting back a smile as you rolled your eyes.

“If you think I can detect a single individual sound in that beat, you’re horribly mistaken,” you informed him, Yoongi chuckling at you.

Turning to press pause on the beat, he looked back to you, avoiding eye contact as he picked at the fraying around the edge of the tear in his jeans. In true Yoongi fashion, he was trying to figure out how to address the elephant in the room without having to, you know, talk. “Your best friend is in the building,” he started, you raising your eyebrows at him.

“And?” You questioned, Yoongi scoffing.

“So, you could quit bothering me and go hang out with him,” he told you.

“He told me you missed me coming by your studio,” you pointed out with a smirk, Yoongi pulling a feigned disgusted look. “Just play the beat again, I’ll try my hardest this time,” you giggled as you tried to deflect the conversation away from Taehyung. You didn’t want to talk about the man who occupied nearly all your thoughts.

“Are you just trying to avoid talking about Taehyungie?” Yoongi asked you knowingly, you scoffing.

“There’s just nothing to talk about,” you lied.

“Why do you keep looking at your phone?” He asked, nodding at the device in your hands just as you locked it.

“I’m talking to my date,” you lied again. Yoongi’s eyes widened in surprise.

“You’re dating someone?” He asked, you waving him off.

“Play the beat, Yoongles, I don’t have all day,” you told him with a smirk, Yoongi smiling.

“Don’t you though?” He teased, turning back to the computer.

“You know what, you’re nicer when our girlfriend is here,” you joked back, noting how Yoongi shook his head at the word our. “Where is she anyway?”

“She’s working,” Yoongi told you overtop the instrumental. “Like you should be, shouldn’t you?”

“I took the day off,” you said simply.

“Why?” Yoongi questioned, looking over his shoulder at you. It was sweet but also highly entertaining watching Yoongi try to get you to open up while also trying to maintain distance as he attempted to respect your boundaries, all while battling his own instinct to not dig into people’s business.

“No reason,” you dismissed. There definitely was a reason, it was just centered around one Kim Taehyung, and you weren’t talking about him. About two week ago, Taehyung had mentioned wanting to take you on a friend date, where you could go and visit museums and eat a bunch of food with a few surprises Tae wouldn’t tell you about. You obviously took the day off work, not wanting to miss out on a day dedicated to your best friend. But that was before he started blowing off your texts and calls.

Yoongi gave you a disbelieving look, you groaning. “Shush, I’m trying to produce,” you told the man. The comment earned another scoff from Yoongi, probably the twentieth one you’d heard since entering his studio an hour earlier.

Just as you both stopped talking, a knock was heard on the door, eliciting a groan from your friend. Scooting his chair away from his desk, you held your hand up to him, standing from the sofa. Without a word, Yoongi watched as you went to answer the door.

Opening it, before you even gave a greeting, you rolled your eyes and stepped away, allowing Taehyung inside. He gave Yoongi a look of surprise, pointing to you to silently ask the older man what you were doing in the building. Yoongi simply shrugged, turning back to the computer screen and bracing himself for whatever was about to take place.

“Why are you here?” Taehyung asked you in confusion, you giving him a displeased look.

“I’m hanging out with Yoongi,” you told him plainly, Taehyung’s eyebrows pulling together even more.

“Ok, but shouldn’t you be at work?” He asked you,

“I had the day off,” you said coldly, looking away from him, directing your gaze to the back of Yoongi’s head. “Remember?”

“On a Thurs-” He cut his own question off as the realization came to him. The friend date. Asshole, you thought to yourself. Stepping closer to you, you stubbornly kept your eyes pointed toward the older man. “Why didn’t you tell me you were here?” Tae asked you, Yoongi leaning back slightly to listen in on the conversation.

“Really?” You asked Taehyung, looking up at him. In retort to his shrug, you scoffed. “Why would I tell you when you’ve been blowing off my text and calls all week?”

“Because we were supposed to hang out today,” he noted, sitting down next to you on the couch, you scooting away from him and closer to the arm.  Looking at him, you glared at his wide-eyed innocent expression. How dare he have the audacity to look so adorably wholesome right now.

“You literally haven’t replied to me in three days, Tae, that’s a pretty clear sign that you don’t want to talk to me or hang out with me, especially for an entire day,” you told him angrily.

Yoongi turned to look at you both, his gaze widened slightly as he took in the scene of your angry expression in contrast to Tae’s apologetic one. “If you two are going to be in here, can you not argue? Or whatever the hell it is you two do when you disagree?” Yoongi posed to you both, you rolling your eyes and turning from Tae, Taehyung licking his lips as he looked to the side of the room.

A tense silence enveloped the studio, Yoongi’s eyes scanning between you and your best friend, your gaze set to the floor and Tae’s drifting from the wall to Yoongi.

“You still should have told me that you were here, I mean you’re at my work,” Taehyung persisted, you groaning.

“Literally why? Why would I tell you what I’m doing, where I’m doing it, and who I’m doing it with?” You asked, looking back to him to see his expression had switched from sad to angry.

“Good point,” he nodded. “You never tell me that stuff anyway.”

“Oh my god,” you let out a bitter single laugh. “Is that what this whole thing is about? Because I didn’t tell you I was going on another date?”

“It’s not that you’re going on a date, it’s that it was going to be the fourth one and I didn’t know there was a second and third,” Taehyung complained, his face getting angrier the more he opened up about his frustrations.

In perfect timing, or maybe not such perfect timing, your phone dinged. Yours and Tae’s eyes darted to the screen, seeing it was the girl you had been seeing. Yoongi watched you both intently as you unlocked the phone, observing how Taehyung’s expression dropped as he looked away, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Is that your date?” Yoongi asked, nodding to the phone. You simply nodded, Yoongi humming. “Well you gonna tell me about… him? Her? They?”

“Her. And no,” you told him, looking up and smirking at him. He scoffed just as Taehyung sighed next to you.

“Why not?” He asked challengingly. “We share a girlfriend. I think that makes your dating life my concern.”

Giggling at the comment, you nodded. “Points were made.”  

“Is it serious?” Yoongi asked, his eyebrows raised as he pried.

You moved your head side to side in debate. “Not really,” you decided. “She’s just kind of fun to hang out with, but I don’t think it’s long-term compatibility.”

“Oh fun, huh?” Yoongi asked suggestively.

You flashed him a flirty smile, raising your eyebrow quickly, Yoongi chuckling.

“Wait, fun?” Taehyung asked, suddenly interested in the conversation as he looked at you expectantly. You gave him a knowing smile, Taehyung forcing a smile onto his face as he nodded. “Get ‘em girl.” The comment felt forced, but you appreciated the effort… you suppose.

“But just fun?” Yoongi asked, you nodding with a chuckle. “How fun?”

“Yeah, how fun?” Taehyung echoed in a teasing tone next to you, bumping your shoulder with his.

You sighed, looking between the intrigued men. “Decently fun.”

“Oh,” Yoongi pulled a disinterested look. “Well that doesn’t sound very fun.”

“I’ve had more fun,” you agreed. “But, I don’t know, it passes the time,” you shrugged, wanting to get away from the conversation. In the past, Tehyung had called you out on your inclination to date people simply for entertainment, never really making deeper connections, and you weren’t keen on hearing him call you out again. Especially when the reason you never wanted to let anyone in and connect with them was because they weren’t Taehyung. What was the point of getting serious with anyone else?

“I would have had a lot more fun with you today,” you told the man next to you, lowering your face to his shoulder to poke him with your nose.

“I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you,” he apologized sincerely.

Shaking your head, you gave him a sad smile. “You don’t have to make anything up to me, just don’t ignore me anymore.”

“I won’t,” he agreed as he reached for your face, placing his palms on your cheeks and squishing the flesh together. “And I absolutely will make it up to you.”

“I’m holding you to it,” you mumbled through your forced pucker, Taehyung giggling cutely at you.

“Please do,” he said through his adorable boxy grin.

“You two are so strange,” Yoongi noted, sitting back in his chair as Tae released your face from his grasp.

“Soulmate vibes,” you grinned to Yoongi. “I’m getting a coffee, want one?” You asked the older man as you stood up. Yoongi gave you a close-mouthed smile, looking quite cute, as he nodded. “Cool, how about you, Tae?” You teased, knowing his distaste for the drink, your best friend smiling fondly at you as you exited the studio.

“So,” Yoongi started, looking toward his younger friend. Taehyung hummed in response, Yoongi turning to his computer to pause the instrumental that had been playing throughout the whole conversation that just took place. “What’s your issue with her dating?”

“I don’t have an issue with her dating,” Taehyung lied, Yoongi scoffing. They sat in silence for a moment before Taehyung sighed. “I don’t even know,” he admitted truthfully.

“It seems a lot like jealousy,” Yoongi noted bluntly.

“It is,” Taehyung admitted. “I don’t know when it happened.” Yoongi didn’t say anything, instead allowing his friend to gather his thoughts as he waited patiently. “We’ve been through so much together, and she’s been such a constant in my life. She’s always been there, without fail.”

“She’s great, Taehyung. It makes sense,” Yoongi assured him.

“We hung out after we all did karaoke,” Taehyung started, a small smile curving on his mouth. “I don’t know, it just felt different.” Yoongi watched him carefully as he spoke about you. “We’ve always flirted a little, we’re playful, but it felt like it crossed over into new territory.”

“How so?” Yoongi asked, leaning forward so his elbows were resting on his knees.

“It felt like we were pretending to be in love,” Tae said, almost as if he was admitting it to himself for the first time. “Or maybe, it felt like we stopped pretending we weren’t that night.”

“Holy shit, are you in love with her?” Yoongi asked in surprise.

“I really don’t know. I know I love her,” he thought out loud. “But it was the way she looked that night. The way she looked at me.” Yoongi’s eyebrows pulled together at the comment. “She looked like she fell in love. And having her look at me like that, I don’t know, I don’t want anyone else looking at me like that. And I don’t want her looking at anyone else that way.” The friends both sat there, avoiding eye contact as their minds attempted to comprehend everything Taehyung just said.

“I just wish there was somewhere she and I could go, like a pause in time, where we could exist together without all the worries and overthinking,” Taehyung spoke sadly, Yoongi’s heart aching as his younger friend processed his feelings possibly for the first time.

Yoongi opened his mouth to speak but cut himself off before he started when his passcode was entered, you stepping inside, balancing two coffees and a juice for Taehyung. Tae jumped off the couch to take one of the coffees and the juice off your hands.

“It’s quiet in here,” you noted, directing your gaze at the two men skeptically. “Were you talking about me?” You teased, looking from Yoongi to Taehyung, noting the troubled expression Taehyung wore, despite trying to hide it. You knew you and him would be just fine, it was far from your first argument and it wouldn’t be the last. But you felt there was something deeper going on that he wasn’t telling you about.

“Yeah, about what a pest you are,” Yoongi told you, breaking you out of your concerns for Tae, Taehyung forcing a smile and a low chuckle.

“Oh whatever,” you dismissed him, walking to his desk to hand him the coffee that was still in your hands before returning to your spot next to Taehyung on the sofa. “You both love me,” you noted as you took a sip of the coffee Tae had placed on the table in front of you.

Yoongi noticed the sad smile that overtook Taehyung’s face, you completely oblivious to the man’s feelings and confession from just moments ago.

“Yeah, well,” Yoongi started turning back to his computer. “That’s for sure.”

Silence overtook the room again as Yoongi clicked various buttons on his computer, you and Tae sitting shoulder to shoulder as he read the nutrition label on his juice, you trying to pretend you didn’t feel the awkwardness radiating from the man. With a sigh, you tapped his thigh with your you index finger, Taehyung’s eyes darting to meet yours, his innocent and stunning.

“Are we ok?” You whispered, Taehyung immediately nodding.

“Of course we are,” he assured you with a small smile. Though you knew the awkwardness might sit with you both for a few days, you would eventually go back to normal. You would put your feelings back into the confines of your chest and appreciate the friendship you had with the man.

“When’s your next date?” Yoongi asked you without looking at you, still focused on the song, dissected by element on the screen.

“Uh,” you stalled, looking to Taehyung as he watched you intently. “I think that whole thing has run its course actually,” you noted. Where did that come from? You hadn’t been meaning to break things off with the girl, but looking at Taehyung in that moment, you simply realized things would never progress with the girl past being a decently fun time.

Yoongi hummed, his lack of surprise evident as if all three of you were expecting the eventual demise of your fling. Taehyung rested his head against your shoulder, grabbing your hand in his. “I’m sorry,” he apologized.

“For what?” You asked.

“Lots,” he let out a single breathy laugh. “But right now, I’m sorry she didn’t work out.” You giggled at the comment.

“It’s ok,” you smiled. And it really was. You had Taehyung, and whether he was simply your best friend or by chance something more, at least he was yours. 

[wits-writing]

What’s so Funny About Vengeance, the Night, and Batman? – Two Superhero Parodies in Conversation

Back in 2016, the first trailers for Director Chris McKay’s The Lego Batman Movie hit. A spinoff of the take on the iconic hero, voiced by Will Arnett, from 2014’s The Lego Movie. Those trailers spelled out a plot covering how Batman’s life of crimefighting is turned upside down when Robin unexpectedly enters the picture. It was a funny trailer, promising another insightful comedy from the crew behind The Lego Movie. A promise it handily delivered on when it came out in February 2017 with an animated feature steeped wall-to-wall jokes for the sake of mocking Bruce Wayne’s angst filled crusade that can only come from understanding what’s made the character withstand the test of time.

But there was a thought I and others had from seeing that trailer up to watching the actual movie:

“This seems… familiar.”

Holy Musical B@man! is a 2012 fan-made stage production parody of DC Comics’ biggest cash cow. It was produced as the fifth musical from YouTube-based cult phenomenon Starkid Productions, from a book by Matt and Nick Lang, music by Nick Gage and Scott Lamp with lyrics by Gage. The story of the musical details how Robin’s unexpected entrance ends up turning Batman’s (Joe Walker) life of crimefighting upside down. Among Starkids’ fandom derived projects in their early existence, as they’ve mainly moved on to well-received original material in recent years, Holy Musical B@man! is my personal favorite. I go back to it frequently, appreciating it as a fan of both superheroes and musicals. (Especially since good material that touches on both of those isn’t exactly easy to come by. Right, Spider-Man?)

While I glibly summarized the similarities between them by oversimplifying their plots, there’s a lot in the details, both major and minor, that separates how they explore themes like solitude, friendship, love, and what superhero stories mean. It’s something I’ve wanted to dig into for a while and I found a lot in both of them I hadn’t considered before by putting them in conversation. I definitely recommend watching both of them, because of how in-depth this piece goes including discussing their endings. However, nothing I can say will replace the experience of watching them and if I had included everything I could’ve commented on in both of them, this already massive piece would easily be twice as long minimum.

Up front, I want to say this isn’t about comparing The Lego Batman Movie and Holy Musical B@man in terms of quality. Not only are they shaped for vastly different mediums with different needs/expectations, animation versus stagecraft, but they also had different resources at their disposal. Even if both are in some ways riffing on the aesthetic of the 1990s Batman movies and the Adam West TV show, Lego Batman does it with the ability to make gorgeously animated frames packed to the brim with detail while Holy Musical often leans into its low-fi aesthetic of characters miming props and sets to add extra humor. They’re also for different audiences, Lego Batman clearly for all-ages while Holy Musical has the characters cursing for emphasis on a regular basis. On top of those factors, after picking through each of these for everything worth commenting on that I could find, I can’t say which I wholly prefer thanks in part to these fundamental differences.

This piece is more about digging through the details to explore the commonalities, differences, and what makes them effective mocking love letters to one of the biggest superheroes in existence.

(Also, since I’m going to be using the word “Batman” a lot, I’ll be calling Lego Batman just “Batman” and referring to the version from Holy Musical as “B@man”, with the exception of quoted dialogue.)

[Full Piece Under the Cut]

Setting the Tone

The beginning is, in fact, a very good place to start when discussing how these parodies frame their versions of the caped crusader. Each one uses a song about lavishing their respective Batmen with praise about how they are the best superheroes ever and play over sequences of the title hero kicking wholesale ass. A key distinction comes in who’s singing each song. Holy Musical B@man’s self-titled opening number is sung from the perspective of an omniscient narrator recounting B@man’s origin and later a chorus made up of the Gotham citizenry. Meanwhile, “Who’s the (Bat) Man” from Lego Batman is a brag-tacular song written by Batman about himself, even playing diegetically for all his villains to hear as he beats them up.

Holy Musical opens on a quick recap of Batman’s origin:

“One shot, Two shots in the night and they’re gone And he’s all left alone He’s just one boy Two dead at his feet and their blood stains the street And there’s nothing, no there’s nothing he can do!”

We then get a Bat-dance break as the music goes from slow and moody to energetic to reflect Batman turning that tragedy into the driving force behind his one-man war on crime. Assured by the narrator that he’s “the baddest man that there’s ever been!” and “Now there’s nothing, no there’s nothing he can’t do!” flipping the last lyric of the first verse. For the rest of the opening scene the lyrics matter less than what’s happening to establish both this fan-parody’s version of Batman and how the people of Gotham (“he’ll never refuse ‘em”) view him.

Lego Batman skips the origin recap, and in general talks around the death of the Waynes to keep the light tone going since it’s still a kids movie about a popular toy even if there are deeper themes at play. Instead, it continues a trend The Lego Movie began for this version of the character writing music about how he’s an edgy, dark, awesome, cool guy. While that movie kept it to Batman angry-whiteboy-rapping about “Darkness! NO PARENTS!”, this one expands to more elaborate boasts in the song “Who’s the (Bat) Man” by Patrick Stump:

“In the darkest night I make the bad guys fall There’s a million heroes But I’m the best of them all!”

Batman singing this song about himself, as opposed to having it sung by others aims the crosshairs of parody squarely on the hero’s ego. His abilities make fighting his villains effortless, like this opening battle is more an opportunity to perform the song than a life-or-death struggle. Even Joker’s aware of that as he shouts, “Stop him before he starts singing!” This Batman doesn’t see himself as missing out on anything in life, even if he still feels that deep down. Being Batman is the coolest thing in the world that anyone would envy. He’s Batman, therefore everyone should envy him.

The songs aren’t only part of the equation for how these two works’ opening scenes establish their leading hero. While both songs are about Batman being cool, they’re separated by the accompanying scenes. Lego Batman keep the opening within the Joker’s perspective until Batman shows up and the action kicks in. Once it does, we’re shown a Batman at the top of his solo-hero game. Meanwhile, Holy Musical’s opening is about B@man building his reputation and by the end of the song he has all the citizens of Gotham singing his praises with the titular lyrics. Both are about being in awe of the title hero, one framed by Joker’s frustration at Batman’s ease in foiling his schemes yet again and the other about the people of Gotham growing to love their city’s hero (probably against their better judgement.)

That’s woven into the fabric of what kind of schemes Batman is foiling in each of these. Joker’s plan to bomb Gotham with the help of every supervillain in Batman’s Rogues Gallery is hilariously high stakes and the type of plan most Batman stories, even parodies, would save for the climax. Neatly exemplified by how that’s almost the exact structure of Holy Musical’s final showdown. Starting with these stakes works as an extension of this Batman’s nature as a living children’s toy and therefore the embodiment of a child’s idea of what makes Batman cool, his ability to wipe the floor with anyone that gets in his way “because he’s Batman.” It also emphasizes Joker as the only member of the Rogues Gallery that matters to Lego Batman’s story, every other Bat-villain is either a purely visual cameo or only gets a couple lines maximum.

The crime’s being stopped by B@man are more in the “Year One” gangster/organized crime category rather than anything spectacle heavy. Though said crimes are comically exaggerated:

Gangster 1: Take these here drugs, put ‘em into them there guns, and then hand ‘em out to those gamblin’ prostitutes! Gangster 2: Should we really be doing these illegal activities? In a children’s hospital for orphans?

These fit into that model of crime the Dark Knight fights in his early days and add tiny humanizing moments between the crooks (“Oh, Matches! You make me laugh like nobody else!”) in turn making the arrival of B@man and the violence he deals out a stronger punchline. Further emphasized by the hero calling out the exact physical damage he does with each hit before warning them to never do crime again saying, “Support your families like the rest of us! Be born billionaires!” Later in the song his techniques get more extreme and violence more indiscriminate, as he uses his Bat-plane to patrol and gun down whoever he sees as a criminal, including a storeowner accidentally taking a single dollar from his own register. (“God’s not up here! Only Batman!”)

A commonality between these two openings is how Commissioner Jim Gordon gets portrayed. Both are hapless goofs at their core, playing more on the portrayal of the character in the 60s TV show and 90s Burton/Schumacher movies than the serious-minded character present in comics, Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy, and other adaptations. Lauren Lopez’s portrayal in Holy Musical gets overwhelmed by everything thrown at him, eventually giving up and getting out of B@man’s way (“I’m not gonna tell Batman what to do! He’s Batman!”) Hector Elizondo’s Gordon in Lego Batman clearly reached the “stay out of Batman’s way” point a long time ago, happy to have “the guy who flips on the Bat-signal” be his sole defining trait. While the characterizations are close, their roles do end up differing. Lopez’s Gordon sticks around to have a few more comedic scenes as the play goes on, where Elizondo’s exist to set up a contrast with his daughter Barbara and her way of approaching Batman when she becomes Police Commissioner.

These opening sequences both end in similar manners as well; the citizens of Gotham lavishing praise on their respective Batmen and a confrontation between Batman and the Joker. Praise from the citizenry in Holy Musical comes on the heels of a letter from B@man read out on the news about how much they and the city of Gotham suck. They praise B@man for his angsty nature as a “dark hero” and how they “wouldn’t want him any other way!”, establishing the motif of Gotham’s citizens in Holy Musical as stand-ins for the Batman fandom. Lego Batman uses the praise of the Gotham citizens after Batman’s victory in the opening scene as a lead in to contrast their certainty that Batman must have an exciting private life with the reality we’re shown. Which makes sense since Lego-Batman’s relationship to the people of Gotham is never presented as something at stake.

Greater contrast comes in how the confrontations with the Joker are handled, Lego Batman has an argument between the hero and villain that’s intentionally coded as relationship drama, Batman saying “There is no ‘us’” when Joker declares himself Batman’s greatest enemy. The confrontation in Holy Musical gets purposefully underplayed as an offstage encounter narrated to the audience as a Vicki Vale news report. This takes Joker off the board for the rest of the play in contrast to the Batman/Joker relationship drama that forms one of Lego Batman’s key pillars. While they take different forms, the respective citizenry praise and villain confrontation parts of these openings lead directly into the number one common thematic element between these Bat-parodies: Batman’s loneliness.

One is the Darkest, Saddest, Loneliest Number

Batman as an isolated hero forms one of the core tenants of the most popular understanding of the character. Each of these parodies picks at that beyond the broody posturing. There’s no dedicated segment in this piece about how these works’ versions of the title character function bleeds into every other aspect of them, but each starts from the idea of Batman as a man-child with trouble communicating his emotions. Time’s taken to give the audience a view of where their attitudes have left them early in the story.

Both heroes show their loneliness through interactions with their respective Alfreds. Holy Musical has the stalwart butler, played by Chris Allen, try to comfort B@man by asking if he has any friends he enjoys being around. When B@man cites Lucius Fox as a friend he calls him right away, only to discover Lucius Fox is Alfred’s true identity and Alfred Pennyworth was an elaborate ruse he came up with to protect Bruce on his father’s wishes. Ironically, finding out his closest friend was living a double life causes Bruce to push Alfred away (the play keeps referring to him as Alfred after this, so that’s what I’m going to do as well.) After he’s fired he immediately comes back in a new disguise as “O’Malley the Irish Butler” (same outfit he wore before but with a Party City Leprechaun hat.) That’s unfortunately the start of a running gag in Holy Musical that ends up at the worst joke in the play, when Alfred disguises himself as “Quon Li the Chinese Butler” doing an incredibly cringeworthy “substituting L’s for R’s” bit with his voice. It’s been my least favorite bit in the play since I first saw it in 2012 and legitimately makes me hesitate at times to recommend it. Even if it’s relatively small bit and the rest holds ups.

That disclaimer out of the way, that conversation between B@man and Alfred leads into the title hero reflecting on his sadness through the musical’s I Want Song, “Dark, Sad, Lonely Knight.” The song’s split into two halves, the first Alfred reflecting on whether he played a part in Bruce’s current condition and the second B@man longing for a connection. The song does a good job balancing between the sincerity over the hero’s sadness and getting good laughs out of it:

“Think of the children Next time you gun down the mama and papa Their only mama and papa Because they probably don’t have another mama and papa!”

The “I Want” portion of the song coming in the end with the repetition of the lryics “I want to be somebody’s buddy.”

Rather than another song number, Lego Batman covers Batman’s sadness through a pair of montages and visual humor. The first comes after the opening battle, where we see Batman taking off all his costume except for the mask hanging out alone in Wayne Manor, showing how little separation he puts between identities. Compared to Holy Musical where the equivalent scene is the first we see of Bruce without the mask on, which may come down to practicality since anyone who’s worn a mask like that knows they get hot and sweaty fast. Batman is constantly made to appear small among the giant empty rooms of his estate as he eats dinner, jams on his guitar, and watches romantic movies alone.

Ralph Fienne’s Alfred coming in at the end of this sequence witnessing Batman looking at a photo of himself as a boy with his parents for the last time. Alfred outlines Batman’s fear of being part of a family again only to be met with Batman denying he has any feelings ever. Pennyworth’s role as a surrogate father gets put into greater focus here than in Holy Musical, as we get glimpses of Alfred reading a book titled “How to Deal with Your Out-of-Control Child.” Also shown in smaller scenes of Alfred dealing with Batman’s insistent terminology for his crime fighting equipment, like calling his cowl an “armored face disguise.”

Batman’s denial of his pain contrasts how B@man wallows in it. Though he’s forced to confront it a little as the Joker’s plan ends up leaving him with no crimefighting to fall back on to ignore his issues. This montage gets set to the song “One” by Harry Nilsson and details Batman, unable to express his true feelings, eventually letting them out in the form of tempter tantrums. There’s also some humor through juxtaposition as Batman walks solemnly through the streets of Gotham City, rendered black and white, as the citizens chant “No more crime!” in celebration, while flipping over cars and firing guns into the air.

A disruption to their loneliness eventually comes in the form of a sensational character find.

Robin – The Son/BFF Wonder

Between both Bat-parodies, the two Robins’ characterizations are as close as anyone’s between them. Each is nominally Dick Grayson but are ultimately more representative of the idea of Robin as the original superhero sidekick and his influence on Batman’s life. The play and movie also both make the obvious jokes about Dick’s name and the classic Robin costume’s lack of pants at different points. Dick’s origin also gets sidestepped in each version to skip ahead to the part where he starts being an influence in Batman’s life.

Robin’s introduction to the comics in Detective Comics #38 in 1940, marking the start of Batman’s literal “Year Two” as a character, predating the introduction of Joker, Catwoman, and Alfred, among others. Making him Batman’s longest lasting ally in the character’s history. His presence and acrobatics shift the tone by adding a dash of swashbuckling to Batman’s adventures, inspired by the character’s namesake Robin Hood, though both parodies take a page out of Batman Forever and associate the name with the bird for the sake of a joke. Robin is as core to Batman as his origin, but more self-serious adaptations (i.e., the mainstream cinematic ones that were happening around the times both Holy Musical and Lego Batman came out) tend to avoid the character’s inclusion. These two works being parody, therefore anything but self-serious, give themselves permission to examine why Robin matters and how different characters react to his presence. Rejection of Robin as a character and concept comes out in some form in each of these works, from Batman himself in Lego Batman and the Gotham citizens in Holy Musical.

The chain of events that lead to Dick becoming Robin in Lego Batman are a string of consequences for Batman’s self-absorption. A scene of Bruce barely listening as Dick asks for advice on getting adopted escalating to absentmindedly signing the adoption paperwork. Batman doesn’t realize he has a son until after his sadness montage. Alfred forces Batman to start interacting with Dick against his will. The broody loner wanting nothing to do with the cheery kid, played to “golly gee gosh” perfection by Michael Cera, until he sees the utility of him. Batman doesn’t even have the idea to give Robin a costume or codename because he clearly views the sidekick’s presence as a temporary measure for breaking into Superman’s fortress, made clear by how he lists “expendable” as a quality Dick needs if he wants to go on a mission.

This makes Robin the catalyst for Batman’s shifting perspective throughout Lego Batman. When Robin succeeds in his first mission, the Dark Knight is hesitant to truly compliment him and chalks up his ward’s feats to “unbelievable obeying.” Other moments have Robin’s presence poke holes in Batman’s tough guy demeanor, like the first time Batman and Robin ride in the Bat-mobile together, Robin asks where the seatbelts are and Batman growls “Life doesn’t give you seatbelts!”, only for Batman to make a sudden stop causing Robin to hit his head on the windshield and Batman genuinely apologizes. They share more genuine moments together as the film goes, like Batman suggesting they beatbox together to keeps their spirits up after they’ve been imprisoned for breaking into Arkham Asylum. Robin’s representative of Batman gradually letting people in throughout these moments.

On the exact opposite end of the spectrum, B@man needs zero extra prompting to let Robin into his life. Nick Lang’s Robin (henceforth called “Rob!n” to keep with this arbitrary naming scheme I’ve concocted) does get brought into his life by Alfred thanks to a personal ad (“‘Dog for sale’? No… ‘Orphan for sale’! Even better!”) but it’s a short path to B@man deciding to let Dick fight alongside him. The briefest hesitance on the hero’s part, “To be Batman… is to be alone”, is quelled by Rob!n saying “We could be alone… together.” Their first scene together quickly establishing the absurd sincerity exemplified by this incarnation of the Dynamic Duo. An energy carried directly into the Act 1 closing number, “The Dynamic Duet”, a joyful ode between the heroes about how they’re “Long lost brothers who found each other” sung as they beat up supervillains (and the occasional random civilian.)

That song also ties into the contrast between the Batman/Robin dynamic and the B@man/Rob!n one. While Holy Musical is portraying a brotherly/BFF bond between the two heroes, Lego Batman leans into the surrogate son angle. While both are mainly about their stories’ Batman being able to connect with others, the son angle of Lego Batman adds an additional layer of “Batman needs to take responsibility for himself and others” and a parallel to Alfred as Batman’s own surrogate father. It also adds to the queer-coding of Batman in Lego Batman as Batman’s excuse to Robin for why he can go on missions is that Bruce and he are sharing custody, Robin even calling Batman’s dual identities “dads” before he knows the truth.

In the absence of the accepting personal responsibility through fatherhood element, the conflict Rob!n brings out in Holy Musical forms between B@man and the citizens of Gotham. “Citizens as stand-ins for fandom” is at it’s clearest here as the Act 2 opener is called “Robin Sucks!” featuring the citizens singing about how… well, you read the title. Their objections to Rob!n’s existence has nothing to do with what the young hero has done or failed to do, but come from arguments purely about the aesthetic of Rob!n fighting alongside B@man. Most blatantly shown by one of the citizens wearing a Heath Ledger Joker t-shirt saying Rob!n’s presence “ruins the gritty realism of a man who fights crime dressed as a bat.” It works as the Act 2 opener by establishing that B@man and the citizens conflicting opinions on his sidekick end up driving that half of the story, exemplified in B@man’s complete confusion about why people hate Rob!n (“Robin ruined Batman? But that’s not true… Robin make Batman happy.”)

Both Robins play into the internal conflict their respective mentors are going through, but what would a superhero story, even a parody, be without some colorful characters to provide that sweet external conflict.

Going Rogue

Both works have the threat comes from an army of villains assembled under a ringleader, Zach Galifianakis’s Joker in Lego Batman and Jeff Blim as Sweet Tooth in Holy Musical. Both lead the full ensemble of Batman’s classic (and not so classic) Rogues at different points. As mentioned before Joker starts Lego Batman with “assemble the Rogues, blow up Gotham” as his plan, while Sweet Tooth with his candy prop comedy becoming the ringleader of Gotham’s villains is a key turning point in Act 1 of the play. Part of this comes down to how their connections to their respective heroes and environments are framed, Sweet Tooth as a new player on the scene and Joker as Batman’s romantic foil.

Lego Batman demonstrates Batman and Joker are on “finishing each other’s sentences” levels of intimate that Batman refuses to acknowledge. Shown best in how Joker’s plan only works because he can predict exactly how Batman will act once he starts playing hard to get. When he surrenders the entire Rogues Gallery (without telling them) and himself to police custody, he describes it as him being “off the market.” He knows Batman won’t settle for things ending on these terms and tricks the hero into stealing Superman’s Phantom Zone projector so he can recruit a new, better team of villains for a take two of his masterplan from the start. Going through all this trouble to get Batman to say those three magic words; “I love hate you.” Joker as the significant other wanting his partner to finally reciprocate his feelings and commit works both as a play on how the Batman/Joker relationship often gets approached and an extension of the central theme. Batman is so closed off to interpersonal connections he can’t even properly hate his villains.

Sweet Tooth, while clearly being a riff Heath Ledger and Caesar Romero’s Jokers fused with a dash of Willy Wonka, doesn’t have that kind of connection with B@man. Though there are hints that B@man and his recently deceased Joker may have had one on that level. He laments “[Joker]’s in heaven with mom and dad. Making them laugh, I know it!” when recalling how the Clown Prince of Crime was the one person he enjoyed being around. This makes Joker’s death one of the key triggers to B@man reflecting on his solitude at the start of the play.

What Sweet Tooth provides the story is a threat to B@man’s new bond with Rob!n. Disrupting that connection forms the delicious center of the Candy King of Crime’s plan in Act 2. He holds Rob!n and Gotham’s people hostage and asks the citizens to decide via Facebook poll if the sidekick lives or dies (in reference to the infamous phone hotline vote from the comic book story A Death in the Family where readers could decide the Jason Todd Robin’s fate.)

With the rest of the villains under the leadership of the respective works’ main antagonists, there’s commentary on their perceived quality as threats. When Holy Musical has Superman talking to Green Lantern about how much B@man’s popularity frustrates him, he comes down especially hard on the Caped Crusader’s villains. Talking about how they all coast by on simple gimmicks with especially harsh attention given to Two Face’s being “the number two.” Saying they’re only famous because B@man screws up and they get to do more damage. Which he compares to his own relationship with his villains:

Superman: You ever heard of Mr. Mxyzptlk? Green Lantern: No. Superman: No, that’s right! That’s because I do my job!

Lego Batman has commentary on the other villains come from Joker, recognizing that even all together they can never beat Batman, because that’s how a Batman story goes. The other villains get portrayed as generally buffoonish, struggling to even build a couch together and described by Joker as “losers dressed in cosplay.” Tricking Batman into sending him to the Phantom Zone provides him the opportunity to gather villains from outside Batman’s mythos and outside DC Comics in general. Recruiting the likes of Sauron, King Kong, Daleks, Agent Smith from The Matrix, and the Wicked Witch of the West, among others. When I first saw and reviewed The Lego Batman Movie, this bugged me because it felt like a missed opportunity to feature lesser-known villains from other DC heroes’ Rogues Galleries. Now, considering the whole movie as meta-commentary on the status of this Batman as a children’s toy, it makes perfect sense that Joker would need to go outside of comics to break the rules of a typical Batman story and have a shot at winning.

The Rogues of Holy Musical get slightly more of a chance to shine, if only because their song “Rogues are We” is one of the catchier tracks from the play. They’re all still more cameo than character when all’s said and done, but Sweet Tooth entering the picture is about him recognizing their potential to operate as a unit, takeover Gotham, and kill B@man. The candy-pun flinging villain wants all of them together, no matter their perceived quality.

Sweet Tooth: “We need every villain in Gotham. Cool themes, lame themes, themes that don’t match their powers, even the villains that take their names from public domain stories.” (Two Face’s “broke ass” still being the exception.)

Both Joker and Sweet Tooth provide extensions of the shared theme of Batman dealing with the new connections in his life, especially with regards to Robin. However, Robin isn’t the only other ally (or potential ally) these Dark Knights have on their side.

Super Friends(?)

The internal crisis of these Caped Crusaders come as much from how they react to other heroic figures as it does from supervillainous machinations. In both cases how Batman views and is viewed by fellow heroes gets centered on a specific figure, Superman in Holy Musical and Commissioner Barbara Gordon (later Batgirl) in Lego Batman. Each serves a vastly different purpose in the larger picture of their stories and relationship to their respective Batmen. Superman reflecting B@man’s loneliness and Barbara symbolizing a new path forward for Batman’s hero work.

Superman’s role in Holy Musical runs more parallel to Lego Batman’s Joker than Barbara. Brian Holden’s performance as the Man of Tomorrow plays into a projected confidence covering anxiety that nobody likes him. Besting the Bat-plane in a race during B@man’s Key to the City ceremony establishes a one upmanship between the two heroes, like Joker’s description of his relationship with Batman at the end of Lego Batman’s opening battle. Though instead of that romantically coded relationship from Lego Batman, this relationship is more connected to childish jealousy. (But if you do want to read the former into Holy Musical B@man, neither hero has an onstage relationship with any woman and part of their eventual fight consist of spanking each other.)

B@man and Superman’s first real interaction is arguing over who’s the cooler hero until it degrades into yelling “Fuck you!” at each other. B@man storming off in the aftermath of that gets topped off by Superman suggesting he should get the Key to the City instead, citing his strength and longer tenure as a hero (“The first hero, by the way”) as justifications. This only results in the Gotham citizens turning on him for suggesting their city’s hero is anything less than the best, which serves both as a Sam Raimi Spider-Man reference (“You mess with one of us! You mess with all of us!”) and another example of the citizens as stand-ins for fandom. Superman’s veil of cocksureness comes off quickly after that and stays off for the rest of the play. Starting with his conversation with Green Lantern where a civilian comes across them, but barely acts like Superman’s there.

One of the play’s running gags is Superman calling B@man’s number and leaving messages, showing a desperation to reach out and connect with his fellow hero despite initial smugness. Even before the first phone call scene, we see Superman joining B@man to sing “I want to be somebody’s buddy” during “Dark, Sad, Lonely Knight” hinting at what’s to come. The note it consistently comes back to is that Superman’s jealousy stems from Batman’s popularity over him. This is a complete flip of what Lego Batman does with the glimpse at a Batman/Superman dynamic we see when Batman goes to the Superman’s fortress to steal the Phantom Zone projector. The rivalry dynamic there exists solely in Batman’s head, Lego-Superman quickly saying “I would crush you” when Batman suggests the idea of them fighting. Superman’s status among the other DC heroes is also night and day between these works. Where Lego-Superman’s only scene in the movie shows him hosting the Justice League Anniversary Party and explaining he “forgot” to invite Batman, Superman in Holy Musical consistently lies about having friends over (“All night long I’m busy partying with my friends at the Fortress… of Solitude.”)

Superman’s relationship to B@man in Holy Musical develops into larger antagonism thanks to lack of communication with B@man brushing off Supes’ invitations to hang out and fight bad guys (“Where were you for the Solomon Grundy thing? Ended up smaller than I thought, just a couple of cool guys. Me and… Solomon Grundy.”) His own loneliness gets put into stronger focus when he sees the news of Rob!n’s debut as a crimefighter, which makes him reflect on how he misses having Krypto the Super-Dog around. (The explanation for why he doesn’t have his dog anymore is one of my favorite jokes in the play and I won’t ruin it here.)

Where Superman’s a reflection of B@man’s loneliness, Rosario Dawson as Barbara in Lego Batman is a confrontation of Batman’s go it alone attitude. Her job in the story is to be the one poking holes in the foundation of Batman as an idea, starting with her speech at Jim Gordon’s retirement banquet and her instatement as commissioner. She has a by-the-book outlook on crimefighting with the omnicompetence to back it up, thanks to her training at “Harvard for Police.” Babs sees Batman’s current way of operating as ineffectual and wants him to be an official agent of the law. An idea that dumps a bucket of cold water on Batman’s crush he developed immediately upon seeing her, though that never fully goes away.

Her main point is that Batman “karate chopping poor people” hasn’t made Gotham better in his 80 years of operating. A contrast to Holy Musical’s Jim Gordon announcing that B@man has brought Gotham’s crime rates to an all-time low (“Still the highest in the world, but we’re working on it.”) She wants to see a Batman willing to work with other people. A hope dashed constantly dealing with his childish stubbornness as he tries to foil Joker’s schemes on his own, culminating in her arresting Batman and Robin for breaking into Arkham to send Joker to the Phantom Zone.

Barbara’s role as the one bringing grown-up attitudes and reality into Batman’s world does leave her in the role of comedic straight woman. Humor in her scenes comes from how she reacts to everyone else’s absurdity rather than anything she does to be funny. This works for the role she plays in Lego Batman, since she’s not there to have an arc the way Superman does in Holy Musical. She’s another catalyst for Batman’s to start letting people in as another character he grows to care about. Which starts after she lets the Dynamic Duo out of prison to fight Joker’s new army of Phantom Zone villains on the condition that he plays it by her rules. Leading to a stronger bond between Batman, Robin, Alfred, and her as they start working together.

The two Batmen’s relationships to other heroes, their villains, Robin, and their own solitude each culminate in their own way as their stories reach their conclusions.

Dark Knights & Dawning Realizations

As everything comes down to the final showdowns in these Bat-parodies, the two Caped Crusaders each confront their failures to be there for others and allow themselves to be vulnerable to someone they’ve been antagonizing throughout the story. Each climax has all of Gotham threatened by a bomb and the main villains’ plans coming to fruition only to come undone.

Holy Musical has Sweet Tooth’s kidnapping of Rob!n and forcing Gotham to choose themselves or the sidekick they hate sends B@man into his most exaggerated state in the entire play. It’s the classic superhero movie climax conundrum, duty as a hero versus personal attachment. Alfred, having revealed himself as the “other butlers”, even lampshades how these stories usually go only for that possibility to get shot down by Bruce:

Alfred: A true hero, Master Wayne, finds a way to choose both. B@man: You’re right, Alfred. I know what I have to do… Fuck Gotham, I’m saving Robin!

B@man’s selfishness effectively makes him the real villain of Holy Musical’s second act. Lego Batman has shades of that aspect as well, where Batman gets sent to the Phantom Zone by Joker for his repeated refusal to acknowledge their relationship. Where the AI running the interdimensional prison, Phyllis voiced by Ellie Kemper, confronts him with the way he’s treated Robin, Alfred, Barbara, and even Joker:

Phyllis: You’re not a traditional bad guy, but you’re not exactly a good guy either. You even abandoned your friends. Batman: No! I was trying to protect them! Phyllis: By pushing them away? Batman: Well… yeah. Phyllis: Are they really the ones you’re protecting?

Batman watches what’s happening back in Gotham and sees Robin emulate his grim and gritty tendencies to save the day in his absence makes him desperately scream, “Don’t do what I would do!” It’s the universe rubbing what a jerk he’s been in his face. He’s forced to take a look at himself and make a change. B@man’s not made to do that kind of self-reflection until after he’s defeated Sweet Tooth but failed to stop the villain’s bomb. He’s ready to give up on Gotham forever and leave with Rob!n, until his sidekick pulls up Sweet Tooth’s poll and it shows the unanimous result in favor of saving the Boy Wonder. Despite everything they said at the start of Act 2, the people want to help their hero in return for all the times he helped them. All of them calling back to the Raimi Spider-Man reference from Act 1, “You mess with one of us. You mess with all of us.”

Both heroes’ chance at redemption and self-improvement comes from opening themselves up to the people they pushed out and dismissed earlier in their stories. Batman takes on the role he reduced the Commissioner down to at the beginning of the movie and flips on signals for Barbara, Alfred, and Robin to show how he’s truly prepared to work as a team, not just with his friends and family but with the villains of Gotham the Joker pushed aside as well. Teamwork makes the dream work and they’re all able to work together to get Joker’s army back into the Phantom Zone but like in Holy Musical they fail to stop the bomb threatening Gotham. Which he can only prevent from destroying the city by confessing his true feeling to Joker

Batman: If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have learned how connected I am with all of these people and you. So, if you help me save Gotham, you’ll help me save us. Joker: You just said “us?” Batman: Yeah, Batman and the Joker. So, what do you say? Joker: You had me at “shut up!”

The equivalent moment from Holy Musical comes from B@man needing to put aside his pride and encourage a disheartened Superman to save Gotham for him. This happens in the aftermath of a fight the two heroes had where Superman tried to stop B@man before he faced Sweet Tooth, B@man winning out through use of kryptonite. That fight doesn’t fit into any direct parallel with Lego Batman, but it is important context for how Superman’s feeling about B@man before Superman finally gets his long-awaited phone call from the Dark Knight. Also, the song accompanying the fight, “To Be a Man”, is one of the funniest scenes in the play. What this speech from B@man does is bring the idea of Holy Musical B@man as a commentary on fandom full circle:

B@man: I forgot what it means to be a superhero. But we’re really not that different, you and me, at our heart. I mean really all superheroes are pretty much the same… Something bad happened to us once when we were young, so we dedicated our whole lives to doing a little bit of good. That’s why we got into this crazy superhero business. Not to be the most popular, or even the most powerful. Because if that were the case, hell, you’d have the rest of us put out of a job!

This speech extends into an exchange between the heroes about how superheroes are cool, not despite anything superficially silly but because of it. Bringing it back to the “Robin Sucks!” theme that started Act 2, saying “Some people think Robin is stupid. But those people are pretentious douchebags. Because, literally, the only difference between Robin and me is our costumes.” The speech culminates in what I genuinely think is one of the best Batman lines ever written, as B@man’s final plea to Superman is “Where’s that man who’s faster than a gun?” calling back to the trauma that created Batman across all versions and what he can see in someone like Superman. So, B@man sacrificing his pride and fully trusting in another hero saves Gotham, the way Batman letting Joker know what their relationship means to him did in Lego Batman.

Each of these parodies ends by delivering a Batman willing to open himself up to a new team of heroes fighting at his side, the newly minted Bat-Family in Lego Batman and the league for justice known as the Super Friends in Holy Musical. Putting them side by side like this shows how creators don’t need the resources of a Hollywood studio to make something exactly as meaningful and how the best parodies come from love of the material no matter who’s behind them.

If you like what you’ve read here, please like/reblog or share elsewhere online, follow me on Twitter (@WC_WIT), and consider throwing some support my way at either Ko-Fi.com or Patreon.com at the extension “/witswriting”

[grailfinders]

Grailfinders #327: Izumo no Okuni

merry nobumas, everyone! sadly, this event doesn’t have any new nobus, but at least it gives us cool builds like Izumo no Okuni! first we make the puppet with some Creation Bard levels, then we fuck demons up with the puppet with some Watcher Paladin levels.

check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

next up: our good personal friend Ranmaru

EDIT: huh, okay, Izumo does use her own sword. okay then, ignore most of the negatives then. sorry about that, this is one of the perils of trying to get stuff out the second the story drops

Ancestry & Background

Okuni is a Human, but she also has a puppet- to make that, we’ll start by giving her a Mark of Making, giving her +2 Intelligence and +1 Charisma. this gives her an Artisan’s Intuition for an additional d4 added to all arcana checks and anything involving artisan’s tools, which covers both halves of your expertise! we also grab a free proficiency with woodworking tools so you can get started on building your puppet.

while you’re working, you already start off as a Spellsmith, giving you the Mending cantrip for free redos and you can cast Magic Weapon once a day, but it’s both spell-slot- and concentration-free. speaking of spells, your Spells of the Mark add some options to your spell lists- the full list of spells you can use is in the character sheet, but if you see us take a spell that isn’t on the bard list, that’s why.

you’re a shrine maiden, that’s an Acolyte, so you have proficiency in Insight and Religion as well.

Ability Scores

Charisma is your highest score, as you could probably guess from being a bard. you dance, you hit people with puppets, both of those are charisma. somehow. after that, Dexterity. it’s kind of weird dexterity doesn’t affect dancing, now that I think about it, but you’re a caster so you don’t wear plate mail. that being said we do need to make Strength higher than I’d like, but you’ll have to carry your puppet around most of the time, so it’s kind of a workout, I guess. Constitution is above average because it would suck to die before you even get a chance to use the puppet at all, so you’ll have to live for five levels without it. that means your Wisdom is lower than I’d like and we have to dump Intelligence pretty harshly. it’s far from ideal, but we only need those for skills and saves. thankfully, being a bard and a paladin both help a lot towards making up for these shortfalls, eventually.

Class Levels

1. Bard 1: starting off as a bard gives you proficiency in Dexterity, and Charisma saves, as well as three skills off the bard skill list, a.k.a. the entire skill list. we’ll use Performance to puppet our boy around, with Nature and Arcana to build him in the first place. you’ve got five levels, best of luck.

while you’re whittling, we can also bring up your Bardic Inspiration- you’ve got a couple d6s you can throw at a friend as a bonus action, and then they can use ‘em to improve an attack roll, save, or skill check in the next minute. you get those back on long rests.

also on the same time frame are your spell slots, which you use to cast Spells. Okuni’s a caster, so you can be a bit more liberal with her spell list than you are with most characters- most of the spells on the character sheet are my personal recommendations, or just ones I thought would be useful. if they’re vital for the build, I’ll bring them up here as they’re added. there aren’t any of those this level, but I do recommend picking up something like Identify- Okuni’s bio states multiple times how hip and with it she is, so she knows what’s going on a lot of the time.

2. Bard 2: second level bards are Jacks of all Trades, adding half their proficiency to any skill check they make that doesn’t add it, including your initiative check! you also learn a Song of Rest, adding a d6 to the healing your party does over short rests. standard issue, we’ve all seen it by now.

also, your bardic inspiration becomes Magical Inspiration, so now someone holding onto it can add their d6 to the damage or healing of a spell!

3. Bard 3: but I know that’s not enough uses for your inspiration, right? thankfully creation bards have another addition to it, the Mote of Potential. now when your allies use their inspiration on one of the three original effects, they get a bonus to boot! on a check, they can roll their inspiration twice and pick the higher number. on an attack roll, the die also deals whatever it rolled as damage to nearby enemies, and on a save they gain their roll in temporary hp! this practically turns your inspiration into a spell in its own right!

making your puppet also got… slightly easier, as you can now put on a Performance of Creation, creating any medium or smaller non-magical item as an action, with the only other limitation being your imagination, and your wallet. you can only create items with this feature that are worth 20 times your bard level or less- even a normal-sized puppet is worth 100g, so this hasn’t saved us too much time. it also only lasts a few hours, so you’ll still have to find a more permanent solution anyways. still, while it’s not a cure-all for our lack of puppetry, it does have a million and one uses besides! this recharges on long rests, or you can use a second level spell slot to use it again- just know that you can only have one summoned item at a time.

speaking of second level spells, Borrowed Knowledge is a great pick for Okuni, giving her proficiency in a skill of your choice for an hour, concentration free. again, she’s always in the know of the latest fads, so now you can make sure that’s true!

you also get expertise in two skills, doubling your proficiency bonus in Arcana and Performance checks. she’s good at dancing, that much is obvious- otherwise she wouldn’t be in this game.

4. Bard 4: fourth level bards get their first Ability Score Improvement, so improve that Charisma score for stronger spells and more inspiration. dancing better is a nice bonus.

if you’re really jonesing for a puppet by now, you can use something like Phantasmal Force to at least plant the idea of a puppet in someone’s head and have it hurt them that way. honestly sounds terrifying to me, even scarier than a real puppet beating me up.

5. Bard 5: fifth level bards have d8s for their inspiration now, as well as become a Font of Inspiration, recharging all spent inspiration uses on short rests as well as long ones! you also get third level spells now like Dispel Magic. demons like using magic, so you’d best spoil their fun.

6. Bard 6: sixth level bards get the Countercharm ability, and for once it’s good for the build. a lot of demons charm or frighten people, so now you can spend your action to give all your allies nearby advantage on saves against those effects. it only works for a round each time, so you’d have to spend each turn keeping the effect up- still, if you’re fighting something like Shuten-Douji, it’s a good idea to have on hand.

if you’d like to use your countercharm while also keeping the fight going, then good news! your puppet drought is over, and your cuppet runneth over thanks to an Animating Performance. as an action you can animate a large or smaller object and turn it into a Dancing Object for the next hour. you then have to use your bonus action each turn to control the puppet, but you can also give out inspiration at the same time.

you can bring out the puppet once a day, or by spending a third-level or higher spell slot.

7. Bard 7: seventh level bards get fourth level spells like Fabricate, letting you spend ten minutes to turn any kind of raw materials into processed goods- for example, a log into part of a puppet, perhaps. you can create a large or smaller object if you have enough material, though using metal shrinks down the possible puppetude to medium size. also, you need proficiency with the sorts of tools you’d have to use to make an item normally in order to make it with this spell, hence our focus on grabbing woodworking proficiency earlier and smithing later.

so yeah, during your next downtime, puppetry is just a spell away!

8. Bard 8: eighth level bards get another ASI, and we’re grabbing the Skilled feat for more proficiencies. you get the proficiency with Smith’s Tools I mentioned a second ago, as well as proficiency with Acrobatics in case your DM thinks that dexterity and dancing thing is as weird as I do, and History. you are history, after all.

9. Bard 9: at ninth level your song of rest grows to a d8, but more importantly you get fifth level spells. if you’re in a pinch, you can use Animate Objects instead of your usual puppetry to give your friend some backup- you can animate up to ten small objects, with bigger sizes doubling how many “objects” they count as for each size larger they are. that being said, they also use your bonus action to control, so trying to use both at once isn’t always the greatest idea. still, they make a good distraction if you need time to drag your bigger puppet out of the fight.

10. Bard 10: tenth level bards have a bigger inspiration die again, and you get another round of Expertise, this time doubling down on Religion and Nature. also, you get Magical Secrets- two spells from any spell list in the game. Legend Lore is a must for any bard, giving you the lowdown on whatever famous person or thing you’re faced with so you can dance appropriately. on the other hand Circle of Power is a must-have for combat, creating an aura around you that lasts up to ten minutes with concentration- during that time, friendly creatures (including you) have advantage on all saves against magical effects- furthermore, succeeding on that save prevents all damage instead of half if it’s that kind of save. demons like fireballs, puppets don’t. simple stuff.

11. Bard 11: with our last level of bard you get sixth level spell slots for stuff like True Seeing to see through demonic illusions and the like. though if I’m being honest we haven’t gotten too specialized yet- let’s fix that.

12. Paladin 1: moving over to paladin gives you a Divine Sense- spend an action up to five times a day to sense celestials, fiends, and undead within 60’ of you. you know the type and location, but not their identity. being able to sense demons feels pretty important for.. y’know, a demon hunter.

you can also Lay on Hands to heal an ally, you have a pool that scales with your level and it refills every long rest. worth noting, this does not work on constructs, so you’ll have to patch up your puppet the old-fashioned way.

13. Paladin 2: second level paladins get a Fighting Style, and with your Defense you get a +1 bonus to all types of armor. I know you don’t wear a lot, but I’d still call your first ascension fit light armor at minimum. also, since you’re attacking via puppet they aren’t “your” attacks, so none of them count for fighting styles.

they also don’t count for Divine Smites, which is problematic, but we’ll find a workaround soon enough. if you do end up using them though, you spend a spell slot when you hit something with a melee attack, dealing radiant damage that scales based on the slot’s level. also it deals extra damage against fiends, which is a nice bonus for a demon hunter.

speaking of spell slots you get another set of spells from being a paladin, but you’ll have to check the multiclassing rules for what slots you have when. for now you can perform Ceremonies and Detect Evil and Good, but you can swap around paladin spells every long rest, so don’t sweat over getting the perfect setup right away.

14. Paladin 3: at third level you devote yourself to defeating demons and other extraplanar monsters as a Watcher, giving you two kinds of Channel Divinity that you can use once per short rest. your Watcher’s Will gives most of your party advantage on intelligence, wisdom, and charisma saves for a minute, or you can Abjure the Extraplanar to send aberrations, celestials, elementals, fey, and fiends nearby running for up to a minute if they fail a wisdom save.

you also gain access to a pool of permanently prepared performances, like Alarm and Detect Magic. finally, your Divine Health makes you immune to disease.

15. Paladin 4: a fourth level paladin gets their own Ability Score Improvement, so power up your Charisma for stronger spells, channeled divinity, and a stronger puppet as well.

16. Paladin 5: fifth level paladins get an Extra Attack, but that only applies to you, not your puppet. on the plus side, you also get second level spells! now you can cast Magic Weapon more than once a day for your puppet. you can also See Invisibility to detect hidden demons, and use Moonbeam to expose them or other shapechangers.

17. Paladin 6: as a sixth level paladin you emit an Aura of Protection, adding your hefty charisma modifier to every save you make, as well as the saves of nearby friends. up until now you had a +0 in wisdom saves, so that’ll really come in handy!

18. Paladin 7: seventh level watchers also get the Aura of the Sentinel, adding your proficiency bonus to your and nearby allies’ initiative rolls. this technically isn’t adding the proficiency directly, so you get a 1.5x bonus!

19. Paladin 8: eighth level paladins get one last ASI, so let’s bump up your Dexterity so you’ll get hit less often, dance better, and be better with a dagger in case of emergencies.

20. Paladin 9: we finish our build by gaining access to third level paladin spells, including your subclass specialties, Counterspell and Nondetection. more importantly, you gain access to the spell Crusader’s Mantle, finally giving your puppet the chance to deal radiant damage. and so can everyone else within thirty feet of you, for that matter!

Pros & Cons

Pros:

while you don’t get counterspell until very late in the game, you’re great at using it- and dispel magic to boot. both spells use ability checks to counter magical effects, and wouldn’t you know it, bards are great at those! with a maxed out charisma modifier plus half proficiency, you have roughly a 50/50 shot of countering even a ninth level spell while only spending a third level one.

your decent dexterity plus your watcher aura makes you great at hitting first in a fight, and when you add in your puppet’s ability to speed you up and slow down enemies, and you’ll be running circles around them in no time.

while focusing your build so hard on your puppet does create some challenges, it also opens up some great adventuring opportunities. this one’s more a plus for your DM so they don’t have to start power-creeping all the magic loot- instead of getting a +1 sword, maybe you’ll get better metal for your puppet’s armor and raise its AC, or wood that conducts magic better and lets it stay animate for longer, or maybe new puppetry techniques that let your extra attack or divine smites carry over to it. basically, having a physical object you’ll be building up the whole adventure will give you and your dm new avenues to find fun in D&D.

Cons:

that last bit, of course, requires your DM to be flexible, so if you’re playing in adventurer’s league games or just have a new DM that wants to stick to the book, it’s going to cause a problem. by the time you reach level 20 the base stats for your dancing items are woefully outmatched by just about everything you could be facing, so maybe run this idea by your DM before committing to it.

we did what we could to fix up your soft stats, but the hard truth is you still only have 10 intelligence and wisdom. you get an aura of protection, sure, but not until level 17. in the meantime, you risk falling for illusions and mental games from your more otherworldly foes.

your puppet only lasts one hour, so keeping it up and running for longer periods of time will eat through your magic like nothing else. if you burn through every spell slot you have, you can keep him walking for 12 hours a day, which is nice, but that leaves you with almost no magic for anything else. basically, if you’re traveling a lot, invest in a cart. your 13 strength ass is not dragging him around the whole continent.

[tigerkirby215]

5e Samira, the Desert Rose build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Jessica 'OwleyCat' Oyhenart. Made for Riot Games.)

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Still fucking hate this champ but her theme still slaps.

The eternal joke of me putting off making a build for Samira is finally over, though ironically enough my distain for this champ has only grown overtime. Jesus fucking Christ Rito can you nerf this champ’s goddamn damage? Like nerfing her lifesteal is nice and all but it doesn’t mean shit when my dumbfuck teammates picked 4 assassins into her and I’m the only one who can CC her as a Lulu.

Ah well: Samira still definitely fills a fantasy everyone wants, being a badass with sword and gun styling on the competition. Devil May Cry? Yeah I suppose Samira would be pretty good in a campaign against Fiends.

GOALS

You want style? You've found her - Smile, Sweet, Sister, Sadistic; we’ll need to Surprise the Service with Style to Spare. Sssssssssssssssssamira.

Eyes up! - We’ll need to be everywhere at once, dashing and dancing around the battlefield so no one can lock us down.

Showtime! - When push comes to shove it’s time to speeeeeeeeeen~

RACE

Samira is human no matter what the meta might dictate, and for once in my life I actually want something particular from Variant Human. But firstly: you can increase two Ability Scores of your choice by 1: increase both Dexterity and Wisdom for sharp sight and sharper shots. You also get a skill of your choice and a language of your pleasing. For your skill take Slight of Hand for flips and other gun tricks, and for your language Infernal will be good for your Inferno Trigger.

Again: we came to Variant Human land for a Feat because two guns are better than one. The Crossbow Expert Feat will give you a variety of benefits: no need to reload (or at least the ability to ignore the Loading property), no disadvantage in melee range... But most importantly if you fire a Hand Crossbow (which will be working as our handgun in this build) you can fire it again as a Bonus Action! "Well! Look at you."

ABILITY SCORES

15; DEXTERITY - Dexterity is tied to both shooting and backflips.

14; CHARISMA - Who needs a military license when you’ve got style?

13; WISDOM - Wisdom measures how in-tune you are with the world around you, and you need heightened senses not to die doing stupid shit.

12; CONSTITUTION - Most of Samira’s sustain comes from Lifesteal but we won’t really be able to get lifesteal, so just focus on not dying really.

10; STRENGTH - It takes a lot of upper body strength to do the stuff that Samira does but Riot isn’t about to make another Illaoi.

8; INTELLIGENCE - Your primary goal is to do things as recklessly and dangerously as possible... “for the Vine” as the kids say. Vine shut down ages ago!

BACKGROUND

Samira is a mercenary. I wonder if there’s a background for that... hey look at that Mercenary Veteran in the Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide! You get proficiency in Athletics and Persuasion as well as Ground Vehicles and a gaming set of your choice. But of course the main benefit of being a mercenary is the Mercenary Life. You can easily identify other mercenaries and know bits and pieces of their lives. You can also easily find work by hanging around taverns and such until Captain Indari passes on some info to you.

(Artwork made for Riot Games)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - ROGUE 1

Starting off as a Rogue because I like skill proficiencies! Skills like Acrobatics, Perception, Insight, and Performance; you were a street performer once! You also get Expertise in two of those skills: Acrobatics and Athletics are necessary to be everywhere at once.

You can chat in Noxian military code thanks to Thieves’ Cant, but c’mon that’s not what we’re here for. We’re here for Sneak Attack! If an enemy is distracted or you have advantage you can stick a d6 where the sun don’t shine!

LEVEL 2 - ROGUE 2

Second level Rogues get Cunning Action, letting them Dash, Disengage, or Hide as a Bonus Action. Dance around the battlefield like an Olympic gymnast... does Runeterra have the Olympics?

LEVEL 3 - ROGUE 3

Third level Rogues get to choose their Roguish Archetype: to be the queen of style and also make people think you’re from Bilgewater (yeah I get it; it’s because of the eyepatch) look no further than the Swashbuckler subclass. Swashbucklers get two abilities at level 1 but honestly it’s more like three abilities: Rakish Audacity will let you add your Charisma modifier to initiative rolls so you can get into fights fast, and will also let you Sneak Attack anyone who’s beside you. I’d consider it less like you sneak attacking them and more like you slashing them with your sword. Oh and speaking of Sneak Attack? That increases to 2d6 now.

Speaking of sword slashing: Fancy Footwork is the mobile feat! Well, it makes it so that after you try to make a melee attack against an enemy you can move away without provoking opportunity attacks. It’s a little weird to run around with a sword in one hand and a gun in the other but you can easily slash at someone before backflipping away and running off to shoot them next turn!

(Artwork by @Aruneeko on Twitter)

LEVEL 4 - BARD 1

You didn’t think we’d be settling for just one class, did you? It’s time to go Bard; the masters of style! Bards get another skill proficiency at level 1 because why not be good at everything? Grab Medicine proficiency because it’s good to know how to bandage yourself up when living a dangerous lifestyle. “On my worst behavior." You also get a musical instrument and you know that I’ll always opt for good ol’ Noxian War Drums.

Bards get Bardic Inspiration, letting them show off their awesomeness so that awesomeness radiates onto their allies to give them a d6 to attack rolls, ability checks, and saving throws. You’ve got a number of these equal to your Charisma modifier, and regain them at the end of a Long Rest. For now, at least.

And of course while you may be all guns your style makes it look like Spellcasting... because it is. Bards get 2 cantrips and 4 spells at level 1:

CANTRIPS

Prestidigitation will let you put all the visual flair you could want on your moves, and more!

If you wanna walk the walk you’ve gotta talk the talk, and Vicious Mockery will let you talk smack so hard they can’t hit back! "Keep the change; you're gonna need it."

SPELLS

Magic is usually dangerous, and danger is usually fun! Take Detect Magic to see where that danger may be!

If you need some space in a pinch Thunderwave will give yourself some peel.

Steel yourself to do something crazy with Heroism, which will also give you a bit of a shield to do so!

You are still technically working for Noxus so it would be good to Identify anything important... or valuable... For safe keeping of course!

LEVEL 5 - BARD 2

Second level Bards truly are good at everything thanks to Jack of All Trades, letting you add half your proficiency bonus to any skill you don’t have proficiency in. You probably noticed that we already have proficiency in a silly amount of skills but I’m not going to say no to MORE!

After dangerous stunts it’s good to cool off with a Song of Rest, letting you help your crew with a d6 of healing during short rests to bandage up those wounds.

And of course: more spells! Faerie Fire will let you light ‘em up to get advantage, which will make it easier to sneak attack!

LEVEL 6 - BARD 3

Third level Bards get Expertise in two more skills: Perception will help you spot danger and Medicine will help you after dealing with danger.

But of course what we’re mainly here for is your Bardic College and in order to be too cool for school go for the College of Swords. You get some Bonus Proficiencies that don’t really matter but what does matter is you can use your sword to cast spells instead of a drum! Additionally you get a choice of Fighting Style and Dueling will make your sword swings do more damage if you swing it with one hand. I guess it’s worth mentioning that while a rapier would do the most damage a scimitar is the only finesse weapon that does slashing? (Excluding whips.)

But the main feature we’re here for is Blade Flourish which despite the name does also work with your hand crossbows. When you attack your movement speed increases by 10 feet as you charge up that Daredevil Impulse. If you hit with your shot however you can make a Blade Flourish (which again works with your hand crossbows?) of your choice from the following list:

Defensive Flourish does extra damage and also increases your AC as you dodge incoming projectiles.

Slashing Flourish will let you cleave with your sword (and just your sword because it only works on nearby enemies.)

Mobile Flourish will let you chase after a fleeing foe... after pushing them. But after shoving them into danger you can use your reaction to dive right in!

You can only use one Blade Flourish per turn which will matter later. As for what will matter now? Second level spells! Enhance Ability will help you give 110%!

LEVEL 7 - BARD 4

Heeey it’s about time we got an Ability Score Improvement! Our Dexterity has been lacking and you need that to fire straight!

Word of advice: if you know you aren’t going to level 20 feel free to get 4 levels in Rogue for the sake of the ASI.

You also get another spell, and another cantrip! For your cantrip Message is always good for keeping in team chat. For leveled spells Warding Wind does let you deflect nearby projectiles so... 

LEVEL 8 - BARD 5

5th level Bards get Font of Inspiration so their Bardic Inspiration die come back on a Short Rest, which is good because said Bardic Inspiration die also increases to a d8! Oh and when I say “Bardic Inspiration” I actually mean your Blade Flourish die. "If you can't keep up don't step up. I don't have time for fools."

And now third level spells are up on the table, but they all suck so take Mirror Image from the second level instead, which was added to the Bard spell list thanks to Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything!

(Artwork by GaMu-ChAn on DeviantArt)

LEVEL 9 - RANGER 1

Three way multiclass? Don’t mind if I do! You get an extra skill proficiency by multiclassing into Ranger, because why not. Take Survival because you’re clearly damn good at it since you’re still alive.

Rangers get Deft Explorer at level 1 because Natural Explorer sucks and Tasha’s made Ranger a good class! Canny lets you learn two languages (honestly just pick your poison) and get Expertise in another skill, because lord knows we don’t have enough of those. I know we just got Survival proficiency, but it’s good to be good at not dying! (As well as finding food.)

You also get Favored Foe at first level, because Favored Enemy smells. If you shoot someone you can legally-not-Hunter’s Mark them so they take a d4 of extra damage once per turn when you shoot them. You concentrate on it like a spell and it works a lot like the Hunter’s Mark spell but you have a limited number of uses equal to your proficiency bonus, instead of using your spell slots.

LEVEL 10 - RANGER 2

Heeey more Fighting Styles! You already improved your sword swings so take Archery for +2 to ranged attack rolls to ensure that you hit your shots.

Rangers also get Spellcasting, only this spellcasting works with your Wisdom instead of your Charisma! You learn two spells from the Ranger list: Jump will let you do some hardcore parkour because the Ranger spell list sucks and I’ve got nothing else to give you, and Cure Wounds will allow Samira to have some healing... as a treat.

LEVEL 11 - RANGER 3

Third level Rangers can choose their archetype and Hunters are masters at taking down their foes. You can choose a way to take down your Hunter’s Prey. Colossus Slayer is a fairly simple affair: if you shoot (or stab) someone who’s already hurt they take an extra d8 of damage. Though you can only apply that extra d8 once per turn.

You also learn another spell: Longstrider will help you move thanks to that Daredevil Impulse. 10 feet may not seem like much but remember that you get an extra 10 feet thanks to Blade Flourish and can dash to turn 50 feet into 100 feet of movement!

Oh and I also completely forgot about Primal Awareness, which replaces Primeval Awareness. You can Speak with Animals once per day! Maybe not in character, but it helps if you have a Yuumi!

LEVEL 12 - RANGER 4

4th level Rangers get an Ability Score Improvement: time to finally cap that Dexterity score for the most precise shots and deadly cuts possible!

(Artwork by Jennifer Wuestling. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 13 - RANGER 5

Total level 13 isn’t too late to get an Extra Attack, right? Well you can shoot twice now and mix some more Flair into your combos.

You can also learn second level spells now like Aid (ty Tasha’s) to let that adrenaline kick in so you feel no pain. Primal Awareness also gives you Beast Sense for a bit of covert Psy Ops.

LEVEL 14 - RANGER 6

6th level Rangers get Roving from Deft Explorer for 5 extra feet of movement along with a climbing speed and a swimming speed! Reminder that in combination with both Longstrider and Blade Flourish that increases to a whopping 55 movement speed, which means that you can Dash as a Bonus Action to move 110 feet in a turn! "Danger runs from me." Your Favored Foe mark also increases to a d6 of damage.

LEVEL 15 - RANGER 7

7th level Hunters learn some Defensive Tactics: while perhaps not the most useful since you have Heroism and all you’ve certainly got a Steel Will, giving you advantage against being frightened. “Death isn't the scariest thing; it's a mother's rage."

You can also learn another spell: Lesser Restoration can be helpful in a pinch if someone’s trying to slow you down. Or at least if they’re trying to blind, deafen, poison, or paralyze you.

LEVEL 16 - RANGER 8

8th level of Ranger means another Ability Score Improvement: Charisma means higher initiative rolls as well as more Blade Flourishes. Simply put Wisdom can’t beat style!

Oh yeah and you also get Land’s Stride to move through non-magical difficult terrain and plants without slowing down, and for advantage against magic plants. I legit forgot this was even a thing before seeing it on the character sheet.

(Artwork by dominaART on DeviantArt)

LEVEL 17 - RANGER 9

9th level Rangers get 3rd level spells like Conjure Barrage for some bullet rain; "My kind of rain!" Basically you shoot a bunch of bullets in a big cone, because Rangers get this instead of Fireball. Honestly something like Elemental Weapon (ty Tasha’s) would probably be better but we’re still sticking to flavor.

Oh and you can Speak with Plants thanks to Primal Awareness? Honestly these extra spells don’t fit at all but Primeval Awareness sucks. I’m literally adding these extra spells to the build last second.

LEVEL 18 - RANGER 10

10th level Rangers get Tireless from Deft Explorer. As an action, you can give yourself a Shieldbow shield for 1d8 + your Wisdom modifier in Temporary Hitpoints. You can do this a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus, and regain all expended uses when you finish a long rest. Additionally: whenever you finish a short rest, your exhaustion level is decreased by 1. Because danger doesn’t wait!

You also get Nature’s Veil because even if Vanish fits Samira better it still freaking sucks. Basically you can play around with Duskblade to turn invisible as a Bonus Action until the end of your next turn. You can use this feature a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus, and you regain all expended uses when you finish a long rest.

LEVEL 19 - RANGER 11

11th level Hunters can finally spin around and hit everyone around them. Whirlwind Attack will let you make a melee attack against any enemy within 5 feet of you (with a separate attack roll for each target.) This is best used when surrounded (obviously) because unlike Samira’s ultimate in League it doesn’t do much extra damage, and you’re better off just stabbing them twice if you want DPS in a 1v1.

You also get your final spell known: take Wind Wall because you have an AoE Wind Wall and I thought it would be funny to steal directly from mister 0/10 powerspike himself. But really get whatever spell you think will be useful.

LEVEL 20 - RANGER 12

Full disclosure: feel free to go for 4 levels in Rogue if you know you aren’t going to hit level 20. I only went for Ranger level 12 because the hit die is bigger.

One last ability score improvement to top the build off: Charisma is still used for a lot of abilities, so increase that because who needs common sense when you’ve got blade flourishes!

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Came all this way to die? - You have many a way to bump up the damage. With 2d6 on a sneak attack, an extra d6 from Favored Foe, a d8 from Blade Flourishes, and a d8 from Colossus Slayer that means that on average you can do about 20 extra damage every turn. That’s definitely nothing to sneeze at!

Finally some action! - Have you ever had +12 to initiative? Would you like to? You are incredibly mobile for a girl who didn’t bring Flash (IE Misty Step) with tons of ways to increase your movement speed and the ability to Dash every turn as a Bonus Action.

This took years of practice... for everyone else - It was not my intention but wow you’re quite the little skill monkey. Two expertise skills from Rogue, another 2 from Bard, and one more from Deft Explorer. Not to mention Jack of All Trades in what few skills you aren’t proficient in to make sure you can do just about anything.

CONS

Oh... I really gotta check these more often - Your spellcasting really isn’t fantastic. We invested almost everything into Charisma but we have very few Bard spells. While I did my best to avoid Ranger spells that forced saving throws there are still some that suffer due to your relatively low Wisdom score... Oh yeah you also have 6th level spell slots but your known spells don’t go past level 3. At least that means you can buff the party with Aid!

I feel most alive when I'm walking the line - As great as your skill checks are your saving throws are quite lacking. Your Dexterity is nice but that’s about it; all your other saves range from average (+5) to bad (+0) Notably your Constitution saves are a mere +1, which means you won’t keep concentration up for long if you play recklessly.

Well-behaved women don't make it - There are a lot of features I took more for flavor then actual utility. For a start Hunter is a rather meh multiclass. This might be one of the times “just play a Fighter with a bow” applies as a subclass like Battlemaster would’ve likely been a better choice, and honestly going down full Swords Bard would’ve given you far more utility overall. There were benefits from Ranger levels but they were lost in the multiclassing MADness.

But you prove that modern-day killers really must hate fun; more often people can’t get style rockin' knives and guns. You don’t need no fancy magic or divine ascension to be a badass: gun ‘em down and cut through whatever remains to show that S stands for Samira and Samira alone... As long as she isn’t permabanned.

(Artwork by @Yangyexin on Twitter)

[moos-cow]

’Tis The Season For SMUT

Like what I’ve posted before, I’ll be participating in @voltage-vixen​‘s  ’Tis The Season For SMUT Challenge!

So, without further ado, my first post for the challenge:

Day 1 Prompt: Kiss me under the mistletoe

Pairing: Lancelot Kingsley / Reader Fandom: Ikemen Revolution Genre: Fluff-SMUT Word Count: 2021 Warning: Graphic

“Zero! Over here!” you yell from across the street, waving a hand overhead to the wandering Ace of Hearts. Once your eyes met, he immediately walks over to you with a couple of bags in hand.

You had volunteered to head in the decorating of the Red Army Headquarters for Christmas-- a job usually taken by Jonah due to his ‘high standards of style’ as he’d call it. But like all the other officers, the closing holidays made him busier than usual; events with the nobles happening one after the other, and meetings with the Black Army for their joint Christmas event for the citizens topped his already packed-to-the-minute daily work.

Now that December has finally kicked in, you don’t hold back in your decor shopping escapades; you’d been waiting for this day to come since Halloween anyway. So, you go from shop to shop with Zero, buying all the decorations and trinkets on your list that you'll need to dress up the Headquarters. 

“What’s this?” Zero questioned the new bag you have in hand. It was a small, light-looking, brown bag that was sealed neatly with Christmas designed tape-- a standout from the colourful paper bags you carried.

“It’s a secret!” Excitement beaming from you as you began skipping back towards headquarters, looking forward to a certain Christmas tradition you'd surprise Lancelot with. “Come on, Zero!”

-

As huge as the headquarters is, with the help of some of the soldiers and maids, it took you over two weeks to completely decorate the manor from top to bottom, and inside out. It was a winter wonderland.

“One last piece,” you spoke to yourself, clutching the little brown bag you had when you went out with Zero. Where you’d choose to hang this little decor had to be special, not only to you but also to Lancelot, so you walk around the building to scan for viable locations. “Where, oh where can I hang you…”

“Y/N,” Edgar’s chipper voice called out to you just as he left Lancelot’s office with Jonah, wondering why you were walking aimlessly around the halls with a small bag in hand. “Anything the matter?”

“Edgar! Jonah!” You spun in surprise as the two sauntered towards you, Jonah’s eyes were immediately drawn to the bag in your hands, probably thinking that Edgar has given you a part of his stash of contraband sweets.

“I’m just looking for a nice place to hang these…”

Jonah arches a brow questioningly, and Edgar’s smile unwavering, as if asking you what the contents of the bag were. Your words slip out to answer the unspoken question, “... decors.”

Jonah frowned as he held out his hand, asking you to hand the bag over. You promptly hide it behind your back; but as you shift it around you, Edgar snatches it from your grip. His grin reaches from ear to ear as he and Jonah take a peek into the bag.

“Edgar!” You reach out to take the bag back, but he holds it just a little farther back and higher away from you. He may be the shortest among the officers, but he is still a good couple of inches taller than you.

“Now, now, Y/N. Why don’t you leave the hanging of this to us, hm? Besides, you’ve done a wonderful job decorating headquarters. My, you’re even better than Jonah here!” Edgar teases and chuckles at his own statement.

“Hey!” Jonah scowls at the younger man, then pouts as he turns to you, trying to get his composure back. “Anyway, Y/N, mistletoes are poisonous. It’s better to have Edgar poisoned rather than you.”

“You hurt my feelings, Queen.” Edgar banters back, waving a hand as he turns to walk away with the bag. Jonah soon follows in suit, excusing himself from you to head to his troops’ training session.

-

Another week has passed, and the red and white manor now basked in the scarlet rays of the Christmas Eve setting sun. Up until now, there was no sign of the mistletoe Edgar took from you that time. After searching high and low, you finally shrug in defeat, resigning yourself to the idea that the little ornament would never see the light of Christmas that year.

A little mistletoe won’t ruin my Christmas! You commit yourself to that simple idea as you walk back to your room to get dressed for the evening’s party. A red and gold embellished off shoulder cocktail dress laid on your bed, with a small note and a single white rose. Your heart raced at the simple gesture-- Lancelot always knew how to make you smile.

You added a scarf to your ensemble and headed out for the common area. The delicious scents and joyful sounds filled the halls of the Red Army Headquarters. Soldiers and officers alike greeted you with smiles and laughter-- long gone was the Red Army you knew when you first arrived in Cradle.

“You look beautiful.” Lancelot greeted you the moment you arrived in the common room. 

“Who do I have to thank for then?” You wrap an arm around his waist and pull him close into a hug of sorts, chuckling into his chest. “Thank you, Lancelot.”

“Well, isn’t it Mr. and Mrs. Claus!” Kyle, clearly tipsy already, raises his voice as he saunters closer to you and Lancelot with a Christmas hat in hand. He swiftly decks it on Lancelot’s head and looks at it as if it were his prized masterpiece. “Perfect.”

To your surprise, Lancelot doesn’t dare move, nor remove the said hat; prompting you to turn to him with a slightly confused look on your face.

“The idiots made me into Santa this year,” Lancelot answered with the straightest face imaginable. You lightly cough to try to hold back your laughter; alas, your shoulders shook, giving you away to the man beside you. He was just too adorable. 

“I’m sorry, it does fit you.” you laugh and fan your face with your hand, fighting back the tears of joy threatening to fall from your eyes. “You’ll make a great Santa, Lancelot.”

A smile graced his features as the events of the night started. Overflowing food and drinks were served, music and chatter filled the air, and gifts were exchanged. You scan the room, burning the scene before you into memory-- Kyle, already on his umpteenth bottle of beer, started challenging soldiers to an arm-wrestling challenge, while Edgar and Zero stood by to watch and further insight until the whole thing goes down in flames; Jonah was receiving gifts from the soldier members of ‘Jonah's Heart Defenders’ at the other end with a fresh plate of mille-feuille before him; and, Lancelot… You strained your eyes to look for him in the busy crowd, and finally, find him alone by the Christmas tree, tinkering with one of the hung ornaments.

You saunter to him, bringing two flutes of champagne for each of you. He turns to you just as you arrive. With a clink of your flutes, you greet each other just as the grandfather clock struck 12 in the main hall.

“Merry Christmas, Lancelot.” 

“Merry Christmas, Y/N.” 

Lancelot cupped your cheek in his hand and gently pulled you close to meet your lips with his-- a soft and delicate kiss that started to heat up with every passing second.

“Ahem- King Lancelot,” Jonah interjected, prompting you to cut your quick make-out session with Lancelot. The Queen’s brows furrowed and his eyes looked away, yet his cheeks contradicted his expression as he blushed a light shade of pink, “Your speech.”

Lancelot gave Jonah a curt nod before facing back to you. You smile at him and lightly squeeze his hand, “Go get ‘em, Santa.”

His hand never left yours for the duration of the party-- through the officer’s speeches, to the farewell greetings. He only let you go as you both stopped in front of your bedroom door, twirling you in the hall and straight into his arms. 

Hands to the small of your back, Lancelot pulls you in closer for another kiss. 

“Mm- What was that for?” you look up to him, only now noticing that his eyes were red, and not their usual blue. "Hey!" 

He chuckles and points a finger up towards a floating mistletoe over your heads, the mistletoe you've been looking for the past week. 

"Oh- Why is that with you?!" Your cheeks warm up from the thought of Edgar handing the little bag to his King. 

Drat. Edgar.

You wanted to surprise Lancelot by kissing him under the mistletoe, but now, the complete opposite seemed to happen. 

"I’ve always wanted to try that." Lancelot suddenly confesses, eyes locked onto the floating mistletoe above. 

"You know you have to ask first, right?" you chuckle at his innocence.

"I suppose." he straightens up and holds you closer, tilting your head up with a finger to meet his gaze. He starts again, "Y/N, may I kiss you under this mistletoe?"

"Of course." 

You meet his lips in a fervent kiss, and when you break, Lancelot's lips travel down, leaving a wet trail to your neck as he rids the scarf off your skin. His warm hands make their way down to the curve of your sides, eliciting a sigh from you as you call his name.

"Mistletoe kisses don't always have to be on the lips, you know." He says between nips, breath blowing against your heated skin; sending shivers straight down to your core.

"Mhmm," you hum at the feeling of his fingers brushing the underside of your clothed breast, and you lightly tug at the front of his uniform before reaching up to run a hand through his blonde locks.  

Lancelot bites down and sucks onto your flesh as he pushes you flush against the door. A soft moan escapes your lips at the sudden mix of pain and pleasure;  "Lance-" 

"Yes?" he drags his sultry reply as slowly as his hand travels down to the front of your skirt, raking the clothing up until his fingers could skim across your skin. 

"We're in the hall." You shudder in his hold as the heat between your legs started to grow more intolerable, throbbing at the need for more.

"So?" he teases, bringing his lips up to your ear to nibble on your lobe while his hand continuously skims across your inner thighs, purposefully missing your clothed womanhood.

Words won't get to him, so you reply in kind-- hand skimming over his uniform before resting over the growing tent of his pants. He growls and slightly bucks his hips against your hand at the faint touch, chasing the friction his body longs for. 

He catches your grin in a hungry kiss, swallowing your moans as he presses his fingers against your clothed sex, coaxing agonizingly slow circles against the little bundle of nerves. You tremble in his grasp, panting heavily from every shock sent throughout your body.

"Lancelot," you whine, instinctively grinding against his hand. He doesn't stop, nor does he speed up. His clear blue eyes lock into yours for a moment, heavy and full of lust. 

He strains his ears to hear the approaching sound of company-- muffled footsteps and faint chatter coming from the west wing. Your eyes widen once the sound reaches your ears. 

Lancelot quickly wraps an arm around your waist and opens the door behind you, causing you to both stumble gracelessly onto the carpets of your room with a thud.

You find yourself laying on top of Lancelot, with his arm still wrapped around your waist protectively. Both of you were still caught in a daze from the last minute's incident. 

You break into a smile, then burst into a laugh; prompting the man beneath you to laugh as well. 

"So?" you spoke, trying your best to impersonate Lancelot's earlier reply despite your intense laughter.

Tears rolled freely down your cheeks from the laughter, and Lancelot wiped them with the pads of his thumbs before pulling you into another kiss.

A Merry Christmas indeed.