#while unemployed because my literal dream job that was supposed to last at least 4 months to a year only lasted 2 months

[youremyonlyhope]

Pippin is my favorite musical of all time.

But unfortunately, I seem to fixate on it during times of my life when my brain is especially existential, anxious, depressed, etc.

The last few days, I've been thinking about Pippin a lot, reading analyses of it, listening to the music. Just generally enjoying my comfort musical.

Then I remembered that earlier this week, my therapist heard me describing how I feel unfulfilled while unemployed and doing a lot of stuff for other people or to make other people happy and not doing anything for myself, all while having a completely messed up sleep schedule. And she said "Hmm... honestly... that sounds a little like depression."

And I was like "No. No. Because I am doing things. It's not like when I've been depressed in the past." but now that I'm back to fixating on Pippin, I think she was somewhat onto something since that's usually a bad sign. Yay!

[comicteaparty]

March 28th-April 3rd, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble   chat that occurred from March 28th, 2020 to April 3rd, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

How many hours do you work on your comic per week, and how do you manager to balance that with other responsibilities?

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

heheh So we are.. cheating a bit Both me and my coworker are unemployed, and is working on hour comic, like was it a full time job. It is our passion project, and dream that we can work and live of makeing comics. In Denmark you can apply for grants from the government, but you need to have releashed a book before that is possible. We are useing the comic, to show potentional clients in the future what we can do. For now we are working on it from 09:00-17:00 ish (with a long lunch break) while applying for other kinds of grants, and also does all the things we are supposed to to get our unemplyment money, and searching for jobs, and freelance gigs, gathering the courage to start our own small company (not right now though) and yeaah time will tell

carcarchu

@Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS that doesn't sound like cheating to me? more like using the tools at your disposal to turn your passion into a viable career

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

hehe it feels a little like cheating! there are some debates about if it is okay or not, but we think that strengthening our skills is a good use of our time

eli [a winged tale]

Haha also not cheating! It’s great you’re using the time to chase the dream I’m curious what’s your breakdown for those time working on the comic? As for me, usually 1-2 hours a day with a bit more on the weekend if time permits. These days with the quarantine it’s about 2-3 h a day

DanitheCarutor

Since I'm unemployed until who knows when I've been working on my comic between 40-50 hours a week about 6 to 7 days a week... most weeks. Some days, like update day or chore day, I hardly work on the comic or don't work on it at all. Admittedly I'm not the best at balancing drawing with other responsibilities, sometimes I get so into it that I forget about daily house chores, other weeks I do the opposite and only do house chores which makes me totally behind of comic stuff. I can't seem to find a good middle ground, it always turns into completely focusing on one or the other.

eli [a winged tale]

Yeah when I get in the zone, time flies and life gets put to the wayside

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

So I have no school or work, so the webcomic has become almost a fulltime project for me

I average about 10 hours per day working on it, not counting on chores and exercise

Another thing I worry about is the possibility of carpal tunnel syndrome, which is why I've been relentless with exercise, too

I guess it's just a combination of relentless reminders and also sheer willpower that gets me to do other responsibilities haha

@eli [a winged tale] also I know that feeling

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

So since my school had to cancel, I have to be more responsible for my online course. Sometimes I give myself 2 days off each week to work more into my upcoming webcomic but I have to switch my mind for school work, online classes. Also extra time for food. I need to get back into exercise or I feel exhausted more easily. I keep a wall schedule so that I make it a routine to write what I'll do every 3 or 5 days, to keep my active brain reminded(edited)

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I spent the majority of last year (fun)employed (partially by choice, partially not! my previous job let me go rather unceremoniously... and I needed a hiatus anyway... so it worked out) so I poured a lot more hours into that chapter of Phantomarine than I usually did. I worked on it almost every day - at least for a couple of hours, but sometimes up to a full eight-hour day. That number has dipped tremendously since I’ve gone back to work, but I’m spreading the same amount of time out in a broader way. I’m trying to get a good buffer during my hiatus, so I can work and draw in a healthy balance. I don’t have crazy overtime at my current job like I did at my last one, so that’s already a comfort. I’m confident I’ll be able to hit a good stride once the comic returns in June (edited)

eli [a winged tale]

Can’t wait Lady!!

Feather J. Fern

Two part time jobs, and school killed my comic, but I been working on getting one panel done a day, which is around 30minutes to an hour if possible.

eli [a winged tale]

My routine used to be rendering on the commute but now just once in am and once pm until this limbo time is clarified

That’s awesome Feather! It’s so rewarding when everything comes together after putting effort everyday

Feather J. Fern

Once school is done in two more weeks I will be more free to do things so I hope to get maybe two panels done in a day XD

Online school, stupid quarantine

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Due to the pandemic im mostly off school and my part time job so i spend like 4-5 hours on my comic per day. Still would like try to get a page done per day but lmao digital painting is slowwww

eli [a winged tale]

What’s everyone’s tips for breaks/stretches/balance? I feel like I certainly need to revisit these to avoid burnout and continue feeling motivated!

Feather J. Fern

Actually there was a cool manga artist who's tip was literally he only worked working hours. His mornings are free and since manga was his job, he worked form 12-6, giving him 2 hours to do other work he needs to get done, and takes morning walks and stuff.

Another person I know had "No working weekends" as a thing becuase they are a freelancer.

I personally have try to make sure I ahve a routine, and actually, stretch before drawing.

Streetch before, during a break, and then after, to keep that body nice and warmed up

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Health-wise there's this hing for your : every 20 minutes, look at something 20 feet away for 20 seconds. I'm not good at following this, but when I do it, it helps a lot.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Despite the current pandemic, my work-life hasn't changed much (unless you count stress getting in the way). I am currently "unemployed," but I do consider comicking my full-time job. I am also not very good at balancing work and life. Something's always gotta give. Last year, I worked at a job that basically ruined my ability to work on my comic. I worked 30-40 hours typically, ruined my sleep schedule, took work home sometimes, and was constantly exhausted. This is what resulted in my year and a half long hiatus, and it's what drove me to work like hell on my comic when I quit. Now (when I'm in the groove and not suffering from art block), I typically spend 60-70 hours on my comic and get 2-3 pages done: - 30 hours sketching (I know, ridiculous) - 5 hours filling in base colors - 20-25 hours painting - 5 hours adding text, speech bubbles, sfx, and finishing touches - 1-2 hours formatting for Webtoon I also spend some time throughout the week typing up the script, doing concept art for things coming in the future of the comic, and preparing for conventions, but I can't tell you exactly how much time.

eli [a winged tale]

Thanks for the breakdown! I’m always keen to learn from everyone and seeing how the workflow is like for different people

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

oh don't forget to do wrist stretches!

eli [a winged tale]

Ahh formatting time is always so tedious for me!

Yes wrist exercises! Any recommendations?

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

hmmm well the easiest one is literally just shaking it out

like every hour

and I also like to hold my arm out parallel, point my fingers up and using my other hand to pull the fingers back so i'm stretching the wrist

then I point the fingers down and pull on the fingers until my wrist is stretching

eli [a winged tale]

Awesome. Will be adopting those!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I'm pretty fast. 2-6 hours per page, depending on how detailed it is. Average of 3-4. I could probably do 2 pages/ week easily enough, but don't want to do more than that. I'm the kind of person who always needs to be doing a million different things. I need to leave time for my other hobbies and my paintings and my academics and extracurriculars. Otherwise I'd get burnt out doing one thing only

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

@eli [a winged tale] So since it is both me and @Q (Wayfinders: Off Course) working, we start with working on a rough each, our goal is one step (so rough, ink, color) for two pages pr day, pr person. So in a weak the goal is four finished pages a week, and then we upload 3 pages per week. So it is divided that in the morning we start at 09:00 in the morning, maybe checking mail, being practical or whatever. Then we work until 12:00 were we eat lunch, go for a long nice walk and then we go back to work between 13:00 and 14:00 ish and then work until 17:00 when we begin to prepare dinner. Then of course breaks inbetween

Q (Wayfinders: Off Course)

It’s pretty wild to be able to dedicate your entire day to comics like that

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

damn you all work fast

do you guys have any tips on how to work on a webcomic faster?

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Lol, I wish!

Still looking for those magical secrets

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@shadowhood (SunnyxRain) You know the 80-20 rule? You can get 80% of the result with 20% of the effort? My comic is very messy if you zoom in. I don't spend time making sure the linework or the coloring is perfectly clean. Also, I'm pretty fast at drawing figures. I used to practice figure drawing a lot by rushing to draw strangers irl before they moved, or by drawing a bunch of fast figures from the free figure drawing model websites online. I've also taken a figure drawing course (didn't even have to pay because it was part of my university! Even if you don't have that option you can probably find free life drawing sessions on Meetup or similar!) which really helped me streamline my process for drawing people

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Oh I see! Yes, I used to take life drawing classes too! And your response makes me feel a lot better

I tend to be a bit messy with inking, and since i'm a perfectionist a lot of my time is wasted on editing/clean up

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I've seen cronaj draw, and while I think the results look excellent, I think her method is a kind of inefficient. She draws like a printer, nearly finishing one detailed body part before moving on the the next. I think maybe if she drew in a more classical way, going from a gesture drawing to progressively more detailed, it might help her be faster and her poses more cohesive and dynamic. Maybe working on 1 or 5 min figures would help? Practicing things like this?

eli [a winged tale]

Yeah I try to do figure practices for efficiency

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I heard that there are some online life drawing vids you can follow too

but what are your experiences with online life drawing vids versus the real thing

like is there a real difference?

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

found some of my old 1 minutes

To me there's not too much difference

I've heard some people say that life drawing is either way easier or way harder though. Because of your depth perception when looking at a real person

But the bruises on my legs can attest to my horrid depth perception haha. That might be why I don't notice a difference

Actually those previous sketches might be 30 seconds? I don't remember

I would recommend you try both but right now we pretty much only have the online option haha

eli [a winged tale]

Yeah I’ve done both and I think irl creates complexity with depth and the interactions with others etc is helpful but online is my go to for flexibility

I think having a process streamlined will make things more efficient. The downside is that it might feel tedious and I do switch it up from time to time for variety

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Might feel uncomfortable but that's how you know you're improving

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

There is a TON of difference for me. I HAVE to look at a physical model in front of me.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Can't get better if you always do the same things

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

This is what my brain does.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I wonder- could drawing yourself in a mirror be a decent substitute?

If youre lucky you might also be able to ask an SO or roommate to model for you. Should probably pay them back by cooking for them or something though

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Brain: sees a real model in front of me Brain: translates 3D to 2D, result: drawing Brain: sees a photo/video of a model Brain: SHIT. That's supposed to be 3D, isn't it? Brain: Translates 2D to 3D (basically re-constructing it in my head, or attempting to re-construct) so that it can translate it back to 2D Brain: BSOD

There's some online resources out there that have "3D" photos... you know, two near-identical images side by side, so if you look at it cross-eyed, it becomes 3D?

But I can't do those because I get a headache X'D

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Just thinking about drawing from that makes me dizzy

eli [a winged tale]

Oh interesting!

Yeah maybe looking out the window to draw people would be the way to go...

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

But maybe figure drawing in VR exists?

eli [a winged tale]

Balcony figure drawings

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I live on the top floor so those are going to be some very small figures

eli [a winged tale]

For ants

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Once this coronavirus thing is over, there's lots of ways you can do gesture drawings from just random people -- bus stops, cafes, museums (I have not done this, but people who have done this report this is really good because others assume you're drawing the artworks. XD)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I've done this a lot

Sometimes I've even shown people drawing of themselves if they've turned out particularly nice

They've always taken it well

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I like drawing my professors because they use hand gestures a lot when they talk

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Airport was REALLY good for finding people stuck in one pose indefinitely

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

they alwayas laugh when I show them

eli [a winged tale]

Shadow omg I do that too

Draws classmates

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

yeah the only issue i have with drawing classmates

is that they're always doing the "i'm using my phone" pose

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Become the master of drawing people on their phones

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Maybe try drawing children on the playground?

This works better if you're a woman

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

oh thank jesus

I also like going to the zoo or the museum

or the aquarium if i'm feeling adventurous

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I am a University student so I also have some pretty interestng drawings of people asleep in weird poses

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I really need to start going to weekly figure drawing sessions once this is over (there's one here... 20 min drive... 8AM Saturdays )

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

ditto or just go to the park and draw

and @Eightfish (Puppeteer) I've had some.....weird poses from all my profs

one guy was incredibly hard to draw; he was VERY enthusiastic about showing us knife skills

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

The parks here are too spacious, to a degree where it's weird to get close enough to people

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Bring binoculars

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Don't worry ma'am I'm an artist

nothing sketchy

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

(except my sketch)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

A+ pun right there

another place to go for figure drawing

theaters

like.....opera/plays

I once tried drawing the men dancing in the Newsies musical

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Tried that once, but it took me out of the performance

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

same i was dazzled by dancing men

aaaaand then i abandoned sketching at all when they started throwing newspaper strips into the audience

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

But they were giving you free paper!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

THEY WERE

i'll take what i can get

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

@Eightfish (Puppeteer) While I agree that my method of drawing is "inefficient," I do not draw like a printer. There are videos of people drawing like a printer and it's not what I'm doing. I have done gesture drawing before, but it always looked incredibly abstract, and not quite like people, which is fine, but not what I'm going for. I treat gesture drawing like a warm-up exercise. It doesn't really do anything for my end result, but gets my drawing muscles stretched out.(edited)

eli [a winged tale]

Gesture drawings are definitely a good warmup!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Perhaps it was an inappropriate analogy. What works for me I guess wouldn't work for everyone. I was trying to offer advice because whenever you talk about how much time you spend on art and you work life balance it's commendable but also dismaying. I hope you find something that works for you in the future

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Oh god.. I sometimes work 6 hours a day. I guess thats like 30 hours a week? Crazy to think about, it's like a full job

Oooh you guys are sharing figure drawings... I swant to show some of mine

Behold

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

My figure drawing usually breaks down into like, medical anatomy study. I feel like I understand body shapes better by including the muscles & bones

carcarchu

ABS the most important figure study

Deo101 [Millennium]

ah figure drawing? I love figure drawing ^^

I do like a lot but this kinda thing is most of it

anyways as for the question at hand, I do a lot of different things for my comics weekly. My millennium pages take me 2-6 hours i would say, but I also have patreon things I need to do so I'd say i spend 10-15 hours on it a week. for my other comic, I spend about 6 hours an update, and it updates every other week. but honestly, all of my free time goes to assorted comics. If i'm not working on school work or chatting with people, I'm working on things for patreon, potential merch, or other comics I want to start sometime.

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Oooh nice poses!!’

Deo101 [Millennium]

thanks!! I have a ton of gesture/figure drawings but these ones are my most recent that I have saved to my computer i think

10 minutes im pretty sure. very good for speeding up

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Those look really nice, good values

Deo101 [Millennium]

thanks ^^ I really hate working in charcoal honestly, it kinda always winds up hurting my body somehow, but its very quick sooooooo

kayotics

My answer for the prompt question has changed a lot since I started quarantine lmao... I used to do about 10 hours of work throughout the week on my comic page (usually after work, I have an office job) but ironically it’s gotten harder while I work from home. I’ve been struggling to find time since I don’t have a separation between work and home now, and putting the boundaries up of “I’m not always available” to coworkers is difficult.

Also on figure studies: they’re a great way to practice speed. I use the concepts of figure drawings all the time.

RebelVampire

@kayotics As someone who always works from home doing remote contract work, I have to say I think this is something a lot of people underestimate about work at home life. In that it's sometimes really difficult to establish boundaries with ppl and make them understand you aren't always available and also aren't gonna work billions of hours of overtime. So I'm sorry to hear that's affecting your comic work.

Shadowmark Productions

I work anywhere from 6-8 hours a day on comic stuff. That’s an average though. Sometimes I slack and need to pull all nighters to make up for it. Yes, I am terrible at time management. They say entrepreneurs are the only people willing to work 80 hours a week for themselves so they do not have to work 40 hours a week for someone else. I guess webcomic creators are the only people willing to work 80+ hours a week so that they can... go to work for someone else afterwards

AntiBunny

4 days of procrastinating, 1 of procrastinating and hating myself, and 2 of actual comic drawing seems to make up my weekly comic making schedule. :p

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I can only imagine how stressed I would be if I forced myself to update weekly

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

This is a hard question to answer because it varies a lot depending on my energy levels. Ideally I’d spend several hours a day on comics, but realistically I draw as much as possible when I have the energy (5+ hours a day for as many days in a row as I can handle it) and then go weeks or months too tired to do comics. On average, barring any long periods of exhaustion or other interruptions from RL, I spend about 20+ hours a week making pages for my comics.

sagaholmgaard

I prefer to work on my comic for about an hour ever morning and maybe 2-3 hours in the evening, that's the ideal routine for me. Right now I sadly have a lot of schoolwork to do (writing my thesis) so i might get less than 30 minutes in the morning and then feel rlly tired in the evening so I dont get as much time then either. but oh well!

I can still work for 4-5 hours on the weekends so I manage ^^(edited)

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

The whole stay-indoors order's currently completely wrecked my pattern, but before that I did between 3-4 hours a day.

Shadowmark Productions

Can’t imagine the stress of a daily or even weekly posting schedule. Hats off.

[dansmes-yeux]

Agust D - So Far Away (Annotated by dansmesyeux)

This annotation contains a literal and interpretive translation. The literal translation is a word-for-word, 100% literal meaning translation of the lyrics. A bit of the emotive/poetic meaning of the original might be lost in this translation. The interpretive translation is a translation that tries to keep the meaning of the original Korean, while also keeping the rhyme scheme, line breaks and other poetic elements of the original Korean lyrics by translating them to English. A bit of strict literal accuracy might be lost in this translation. In order to give the full sense of the lyrics, I’ve presented both types of translations here. Reading both would be a good way to supplement both strengths and weaknesses of each type of translation.

There are also different annotations for both Korean lyrics and the literal translation lyrics.

Korean

하고 싶은 게 없다는 게 진짜 뭣 같은데 흔한 꿈조차 없다는 게 한심한 거 알어 다 아는데  하란 대로만 하면 된다며 대학가면 다 괜찮아 1 그런 말들을 믿은 내가 병신이지 나 죽지 못해 살어

술이나 좀 줘봐 오늘은 취하고 싶으니 제발 말리지 마 뭐든 좋아 백수 새끼가 술 마시는 건 사치지만 2  취하지도 않음 버틸 수가 없어 모두가 달리는데 왜 나만 여기 있어 모두가 달리는데 왜 나만 여기 있어 모두가 달리는데 왜 나만 여기서 있지

so far away 나에게도 꿈이 있다면 날아가는 꿈이 있다면 don’t fall away 나에게도 꿈이 있다면 날아가는 꿈이 있다면

dream 그대의 창조와 삶의 끝에 함께하리 dream 그대의 자리가 어딜지라도 관대하리 dream 결국 시련의 끝에 만개하리 dream 시작은 미약할지언정 끝은 창대하리 3, 4

그래 씨발 죽지 못해서 살아 하고 싶은 게 없단 건 말야 무엇보다 괴로운데 외로운데 주변에선 하나 같이 정신차려 란 말뿐이네 화풀이해 상대는 뭐 나뿐인데 뭘 화풀이해 매일 아침에 눈 뜨는 게 숨 쉬는 게 무섭네 5

친구와 가족 조차 멀어져만 가네 시간이 흐르면 흐를수록 더 조급하네 나 혼자인 기분 나 혼자인 지금 모든 게 사라졌음 해 신기루 처럼 사라졌음 해 사라졌음 해 이젠 빌어 먹을 나조차도 사라 졌음 해 이렇게 세상에 나 버려지네 그 순간 하늘과 멀어지네 떨어지네

so far away 나에게도 꿈이 있다면 날아가는 꿈이 있다면 don’t fall away 나에게도 꿈이 있다면 날아가는 꿈이 있다면

dream 그대의 창조와 삶의 끝에 함께하리 dream 그대의 자리가 어딜지라도 관대하리 dream 결국 시련의 끝에 만개하리 dream 시작은 미약할지언정 끝은 창대하리 (x2)

그대의 창조와 삶의 끝에 함께하리 (don’t fall away) 그대의 자리가 어딜지라도 관대하리 결국 시련의 끝에 만개하리 시작은 미약할지언정 끝은 창대하리

so far away (x4)

so far away 나에게도 꿈이 있다면 날아가는 꿈이 있다면 don’t far away 나에게도 꿈이 있다면 날아가는 꿈이 있다면

so far away don’t fall away (x2)

dream 그대의 창조와 삶의 끝에 함께하리 dream 그대의 자리가 어딜지라도 관대하리 dream 결국 시련의 끝에 만개하리 dream 시작은 미약할지언정 끝은 창대하리

--

1 ‘It will all be ok when you go to college’: A common way to pacify students (esp. middle/high school) into agreeing to go on a more commonly trodden path (i.e. not music) so that they will at least go to college and not fail at life/embarrass their parents by not going to college

2 In South Korea - an extremely capitalist country - it is embarrassing to be unemployed as it means you have almost no status in society at all. Hence, Agust D is saying it is a luxury for an unemployed person (unemployed fucker/백수새끼) to be wasting money on alcohol

3 The language used in this verse is pretty archiac. Most commonly used (at least in modern times) in history dramas to emphasize that someone is being really serious with their words. (reword this later)

4 The last line of this verse is a direct reference to a bible verse - Job 8:7: ‘And though your beginning was small, your latter days will be very great.’ (ESV) It’s been changed only a little from the Korean: ‘네 시작은 미약하였으나 네 나 중은 심히 창대하리라’ (욥 8:7)

5 ‘무섭네’ (it’s scary/is frightening) is pretty much whispered - you can’t hear it that well

Literal translation

it’s really shit not to have anything to want to do (with your life) 1 I know that not to even have such a common thing as a dream is pathetic I know all that you said it would be ok as long as I just did what you told me to do it will all be ok when you go to college I who believed those words am a stupid fucker I live because I can’t die

just give me some alcohol today I want to be drunk so please don’t try to stop me anything is good although for an unemployed SOB to be drinking alcohol is a uselsess luxury

if I can’t even be drunk I can’t stand it everyone is running but why am only I here (x2) everyone is running but why am only I standing here

so far away / if I had a dream too 2 had a dream of flying (away) don’t fall away / if I had a dream too had a dream of flying (away) 3 dream / I will be with thee in thy birth and the end of thy life dream / mayest thou be treated generously wherever thy seat may be dream / mayest thou be finally after the end of tribulations be in full bloom dream / even though the beginning may be weak, mayest the end be grand 

yeah fuck I live because I can’t die you know, to not have anything I want to do is more painful than anything, lonely but around me as one they only tell me to wake up to take it out on somebody, well the other person (in this) is only me so what do you mean, take it out on somebody 4  every morning opening my eyes, breathing is scary 

even from friends and family I’m becoming farther apart the more time flows the more urgent it gets the feeling that I am alone, now, where I am alone I wish everything would disappear like a mirage wish it would disappear wish it would disappear now I wish even fucking myself would disappear like this I’m thrown away to the world in that moment I become farther from the sky I’m falling

so far away / if I had a dream too had a dream of flying (away) don’t fall away / if I had a dream too had a dream of flying (away)

dream / I will be with thee in thy birth and the end of thy life (don’t fall away) dream / mayest thou be treated generously wherever thy seat may be dream / mayest thou be finally after the end of tribulations be in full bloom dream / even though the beginning may be weak, mayest the end be grand

(x2)

I will be with thee in thy birth and the end of thy life mayest thou be treated generously wherever thy seat may be mayest thou be finally after the end of tribulations be in full bloom even though the beginning may be weak, mayest the end be grand

so far away (x4)

so far away / if I had a dream too had a dream of flying (away) don’t fall away / if I had a dream too had a dream of flying (away)

so far away / don’t fall away / so far away / don’t fall away

dream / I will be with there for thee in thy birth and the end of thy life dream / mayest thou be treated generously wherever thy seat may be dream / mayest thou be finally after the end of tribulations be in full bloom dream / even though the beginning may be weak, mayest the end be grand

--

1 ‘하고 싶은 게’ in Korean here implies something be- yond wanting something to do - it implies ‘what you want to do in the future,’ a career path

2 I wish I could translate the ‘나에게’ better, but it’s hard to find an English equivalent. This roughly means ‘to me,’ and it should roughly translate to ‘if I had a dream to me too,’ This doesn’t fully capture the beauty of the Korean word though, which is almost a possessive thing, like you have it for yourself, but it comes to you. I tried to capture that in the interpretive translation.

3 ‘날아가다’ in ‘날아가는 꿈’ doesn’t really mean ‘flying’ straight out - it means more like ‘taking wing’ or ‘flying away to there.’ Envision a bird flying across the sky (‘flying away to there’) rather than the strict motion of a bird flying (‘flying’). However, in English ‘flying away’ means something more like ‘escaping something,’ which is not the meaning of ‘날아 가다. So the translation of this phrase I compromised and put ‘away’ in parenthesis next to ‘flying’ so that both meanings of the English phrase could be implied.

4 Basically he is asking a rhetorical question of how is he supposed to follow their advice at all when the other person in this is only him

Interpretive translation

to not have anything to want to do is really shit to not even have such a common thing as a dream is pathetic I know I know all of it “it will be ok as long as you just do as you’re told,” you said, “if you go to college it will all be alright” to have believed those words, I’m a stupid fuck I live because I can’t die

just give me some alcohol today I want to get drunk so don’t try to stop me anything’s good though for an unemployed fucker to be drinking is a useless luxury if I can’t even get drunk I can’t stand it everyone’s running but why am only I here everyone’s running but why am only I here everyone’s running but why am only I standing here

so far away / if I had a dream for me also had a dream of flying don’t fall away / if I had a dream for me also had a dream of flying

dream / I will be with thee in thy birth and the end of thy life dream / mayest thou be treated generously wherever thy seat may be dream / mayest thou after the end of tribulations finally be in full bloom dream / mayest the end be grand, even though the beginning may be weak

yes, fuck, I live because I can’t die to not have anything you want to try is more than anything, painful, lonely but around me like one person, “wake up” they just say, “take it out on someone” the other person’s just me so, what’d you mean, “take it out on someone” at every morning, to open my eyes, to breathe, is frightening

even from friends and family I’m drifting away the more time flies and flies it’s more urgent the feeling I’m alone, now where I am alone wish everything disappeared wish

like a mirage it disappeared wish it disappeared now wish even fucking myself disappeared like this I’m abandoned to the earth in that moment I fall apart from the sky

I’m falling

so far away / if I had a dream for me also had a dream of flying don’t fall away / if I had a dream for me also had a dream of flying

dream / I will be with thee in thy birth and the end of thy life dream / mayest thou be treated generously wherever thy seat may be dream / mayest thou after the end of tribulations finally be in full bloom dream / mayest the end be grand, even though the beginning may be weak (x2)

I will be with thee in thy birth and the end of thy life (don’t fall away) mayest thou be treated generously wherever thy seat may be mayest thou after the end of tribulations finally be in full bloom mayest the end be grand, even though the beginning may be weak

so far away (x4)

so far away / if I had a dream for me also / had a dream of flying don’t fall away / if I had a dream for me also / had a dream of flying

so far away / don’t fall away / so far away / don’t fall away

dream / I will be with thee in thy birth and the end of thy life dream / mayest thou be treated generously wherever thy seat may be dream / mayest thou after the end of tribulations finally be in full bloom dream / mayest the end be grand, even though the beginning may be weak

Please do not repost. Annotation and translation by dansmesyeux (dansmes-yeux @tumblr). Feel free to ask any questions in the ask box :)

[ihateshaun-blog]

I'm Nothing If I'm Not Honest

I made a Tumblr today. It's January but I've been thinking about summer in May. Is that this May or last May? Searching for direction, is it this way or that way? Another outlet to express myself. If I've got a problem, the pen can help. Writing my emotions is conducive to my mental health. The state of depression I'm in has got me pressing the pen. Don't want to jinx it, but I think I've gotten better again. Riding with the seat back so I can stretch in the Benz. My thoughts rising, what a clever ascent. Shaun's writing, the letters I sent seemed to lessen my friends. But I guess I've learned a lesson from them. Be careful who you give your all to. I gave my heart but they weren't as thoughtful. But hey, I've got more bars than law school. Fighting demons while writing entire verses of punchlines. Searching for just one sign. Mom trying to remove the darkness, she just wants to see her son shine. Depression and the pressure got me feeling like it's crunch time. I know that I've got what it takes, yet I'm unsigned. You can't rush time, I watched and learned. This food for thought will be the death of me, pots and urns. I was patiently waiting, it was not my turn. But almost everything I once loved has not returned. So now I'm hungry as hell. Time to show my mother her son can excel. And grace the cover of a double XL. I can't afford to buy a dream and I've got nothing to sell. Literally broke as a joke, my money's funny as hell. My conscience saying you should keep your love to yourself. Those people don't need you, they just wanted your help. Once they didn't need Shaun, they didn't want to see Shaun. I've been trapped behind these bars, now I'm yelling free Shaun. It's so hard to focus, I'm writing another three songs. Writing raps in freeform, can't another speak for him. Problem? Address me, Shaun. You know I never mean harm. It's my story I write, how can it ever be wrong? I wrote a 16 at 4:00, Military time. Currently brandishing my lyrical artillery in lines. I'm on a mission so sometimes I get biblical in rhymes. These verses tell a story, these words can tell it for me They're coming from the heart and it hurts They're kinda gory. The game needed life, I'm giving it blood. See my drive? I'm an organ donor, I'm giving out love. No shoulders to spare but I can give you a hug. I'm overprepared, there isn't much I didn't discuss. In an effort to stand for others, I fell victim to trust. So many people switching it sucks. So many thoughts running through my head that racing to get them written is tough. It's taking way longer to finish writing this thing than it's supposed to but my head is just in too many places. People turning their back showing me too many faces. Broken trust got me feeling like the truth isn't sacred. Depression's a feeling I'm getting used to explaining. It overtakes my writing, I don't try to do this, it's draining. But even tragedy is art, the proof's in these paintings. Nothing's the same and that sucks when you aren't choosing to change things. Too much in my head so I'll just let it out. To Whom It May Concern, I'm writing letters now. Been writing for a while, I'm getting better now. Signs of life in my smile, I keep my head up now. But no one ever sees that in my head I frown. I never said a sound. Toes, ten are down. I once had a close knit circle, they haven't been around. I guess I'm the villain now. Might seem like I'm dwelling now. But I'm in pain, writing's what keeps the swelling down. I know he'll never switch up so I'm never letting Brendon down. I'm writing trying to keep up, these rhymes tend to spin my head around. Trying to clean my tweets up, I'm followed by my professor now. Word to Lil Dicky I'm trying to be professional. I'm pretty sure I'm lost on a tangent but I can't let up now. Mind is being sped up now. Rhyming as you read the sounds. Time has really stressed me out. Trying not to stretch this out. So much pain and punchlines I cried in what you read about. Writing just to let it out. Punchlines, my pen can pound. Touch lines, tennis fouls. Serving food for thought in a lunch line, I'm fed up now. Thank God for grilled cheese, I'm trying to get my bread up now. I've been lost in my head, take a look at what the pen has found. I understand, the pressure's on my mind too. Deviate from the mean, never let em define you. Keep your head up and don't let them break you down because they'll try to. Limit extrinsic experiences' effect on what's inside you. Lyrics so poetic that you read them as a haiku. Wavy as typhoons Spitting flames but my ride cool Painting in haiku A timely 16, there's 8 up on the shot clock. Now I'm spitting flames straight up out the hotbox. This 16 is an AR Here comes another great bar If you pull the trigger it'll break your wrist, JR. Kickback, step to me. We can trade bars. But don't call it a battle, cause we ain't dealt with the same scars. You ever felt like you had the light until it became dark? Ever felt like you had to fight the pairofsights in your brain off? Ever been unemployed and still searching for a day off? To lose yourself in a moment in hopes of making the pain stop. We ain't dealt with the same scars. I fell in love with a girl like you, I've got the same heart. So many people changed up on me, it didn't change Shaun. So much stress you worked 20 hours and quit your day job. And plenty looking from outside in thinking you're way off. A couple people feel you yet even they don't know the half of it. Christmas just passed, what God gave me was this rapping gift. But I ain't have no gifts to wrap. Not much left to give in fact. But I've got these words and my heart, I can give you that. But I've gotta be careful. I know it's a handful. Cause I fell in love before. But that's over, it's cancelled. Viciously descriptive, I'll show an example. She did me dirty as the sole of her sandals. I once thought her soul was enchanted now there's no second chances. So excuse me if I'm a pensive romantic. Pictures I paint are depressingly candid. 10 toes down as I step to my canvas. To elevate my point of view from elegant stances. Shorty turned into a witch, I should've left it in Kansas. Or maybe Kansas City, I'm mired in Misery. A State of depression that's trying to kill the kid in me. But I'll do it differently. Eight nine in Tennessee. I'm in the field trying to be a Titan of industry. Let me Cook, rhyming so endlessly, lose my mind in my memories. Devil trying to finish me. Asking God to replenish me. Writing these rhymes repentantly. Trying to find what's meant for me. Ayo, here's a message B. Something you may never C. You were a special friend to me, I'ma just skip the letter D. Your switch up has got my head on E. You "love" me but don't remember me. I've been feeling down and that's effed up, you switched your enerGy. I'll skip the HtoO, won't even talk about the tears. Am I talking to "my girl?" Or am I talking to my peers? I'm just talking to the world, so I let everybody hear. Now I've learned my largest lesson. Don't think anybody cares. You left me at a time I needed everybody near. Facing feelings of abandonment, depression, and my fears. I went from feeling prophetic here to feeling pathetic here. I loved my creating writing class because my professor cared. These writtens are my therapy. You switched up and it's clear to see that you're no longer there for me. I guess it's my fault for thinking that you cared for me. Picking up the pieces to my heart, so now I use it carefully. Cause when you're not theirs anymore They're not there anymore And that makes it crystal that they do not care anymore. Told you about a couple scars, there's plenty more. This verse is the one I didn't think that I was ready for. You ever look back at a bond you shared and just be sad it's changing? But when it boils down to it, it's clear it's evaporating. When your brother crosses the stage and you aren't there for graduation. And he's starting his career, but you can't congratulate him. It's not the same, it's clear that it ain't. Ever been threatened on a mom when you shed tears at her wake? I didn't think so. So don't tell me how to handle my pain. I never canceled or changed. 10 toes down, I stand and remain. Thank The Lord that God's never got his hands full, I'm praying. I feel the demons trying to get their hands on my brain. I've been living under a dark cloud, I ran through the rain. I've been stuck in depression, but I'm nearing a change. I just write the things that I don't care to explain when someone asks what's wrong with me. Been trying to be strong for weeks. In person I say I'm fine, but truthfully in these songs I speak. Battle scars, in these lyrics I've been fighting. Rhymes so real I shiver as I write this. A week ago I was ready to give up on this life shit. So much pressure was in my head that I wanted to pull my mind out. Not suicidal but I was thinking "do I wanna die now?" So many I can't call anymore, who do I dial now? Who can really handle the thoughts that I couldn't write down? I called Maiya and cried my eyes out. And she told me to take a timeout. My eyes are dry now. She figuratively talked me off the ledge, speaking softly as she said the things I didn't know I needed to hear. That was last week, even last year. And I've been feeling better since. Loading up these weapon clips. I've got enough bars to send the messages I never sent. It's effortless, that's evident. Sentimental sentences. Shouldn't ever mention this. You're sleeping on me, that meaning has been twirled. I miss when it meant me running my fingers through your curls. Now I only speak to you when I'm speaking to the world. Now it's pretty clear I'm speaking to "my girl". At least that's what she used to be. I guess she just got used to me. She don't see what she used to see. Now that she don't need a retweet, she doesn't have a use for me. I'm just speaking truthfully, sharing my heart profusely. I gave my heart to so many people, now they're reducing me. But it's all good cause I'm bred thorough, I'm a newer breed. I'll repeat it for you to read. I'm the shit, I'm manure breed. This wordplay is child's play. Wrote this for two days, Thursday and Friday. Flow so sick that some would say it's toxic. Painted pictures of my pain, suffering as an artist. Talked about so much I don't even know what to call this. Told you everything, I'm nothing if I'm not honest. - Swaggy T http://cash.me/$ShaunGeddes