#who told me i had changed his view of masculinity and gender as a whole

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

Shout out to the folks at work the other day that enabled/encouraged me to go on a lil infodump about being transgender and who had genuine questions and listened to my answers. Obviously it's not something queer folks should be expected to do but I love being a point of information for people! I love talking about my experiences and my understandings of philosophies that intersect with that and I think alot of cishet people are maybe uncomfortable asking blunt questions? But so long as they're posed in good faith and with willingness to think about the response, I enjoy answering those weirdly specific things. How else to we dispel the willful ignorance that places of power want to foster towards us? I refuse to he a scapegoat and am deeply grateful to the people that are receptive to experiences outside their own

[whomst-is-hex]

hi im a cis (late teenage) woman who was a transgender man for like 5 years and just recently figured out im not. throughout that whole period there was so so so much fear about how people around me would view me, and it was a very insecure time. BUT, unlike the general expectation of detrans (the asshole idea that transitioning was for trends) i'm really fucking glad i did it.

before i fully started going by he/him and Marcus, i had a couple months where i was just switching from gender to gender, sexuality to sexuality, because i just recently started comprehending queer people and was desperately searching for identity and community. i settled on the name and pronouns one day at a playground, where i told a stranger around my age my name was Marcus and i am transgender. i told my parents shortly after (i told my parents everything in that regard) and right after that i started to strip away anything remotely girlish about myself, which i kinda started doing anyway after i started to call myself a lesbian.

a few years in i started to notice that the "femininity" was around anyway. i admired my silhouette sometimes in the mirror, but quickly switched to trying to flatten my chest. i loved being masculine, i loved passing, but i really also loved my body in all of its generally-percieved-as-woman-ness. this pretty much balanced me out for the last couple years. i stopped trying desperately to pass, and started to accept myself as inherently masculine without binding or vocal exercises (and even in drag, which i still really fucking love doing)

and now we're at a few months ago, where i presented fully female for 30 days as an experiment. obviously my brain had went through SO many chemical changes, and i think just general maturity caused me to click and realize that i don't want this anymore. not to say that young trans people are immature, or that being a man is low, i just started to realize that i messed up and taught myself to fit in another box that i didn't fully want.

right now, i have ditched that box all together. but now i know that it never had to be a box to begin with. i believe that i really was a man for that period of time, even when i admired my curves and face and voice. i was looking for identity, and i found it. but now, i'm sort of a different person with different needs in life and myself. and because i had that experience of rapid change, experimentation, insecurity, and self love, i really really know how to be a woman now. and like the post i reblogged just before writing this says, being a woman doesnt have to mean much in terms of differences. in my case, it means that i am not the basic cisgender bisexual woman cutout i was terrified of becoming when i was younger. and it means im keeping marcus as my name, and my dead-name remains as my middle name.

my point with this was to catalogue my experience, but i think i really need to bring up how actual trans people experiment at all sorts of ages, and it works for them pretty damn well. i have friends who experimented just as much as i did and are way more cemented in their transgender identity than i ever was. i think its also important to say that my experience happens a lot as well. brains change, people change, and i've heard of trauma messing with identities too. point is, we have Got to stop generalizing trans and detrans people, or at least catch ourselves when we do. brains are so goddamned complicated and we dont even know everything about gender. what we do know is it changes sometimes, its unpredictable, and its across all cultures. like my dad says, the minute you figure out something about yourself, itll change. and i believe having a brain that doesnt change is no way to live

TL;DR: i was transgender, now im not, im happy, people are happy being trans or cis sometimes and thats cool as hell. dont be an asshole and stop trying to assume things about people like identity that shit sucks

[radical-brownie]

Are you friends with any TIMs or TIFs? Are they really that crazy?

Oh I’m friends with a few TIFs, and I’ve dealt with my fair share of TIMs as well

My friends aren’t very unpleasant people or else I wouldn’t be friends with them, in fact the majority of them were people I knew before they identified as transgender. So it was more like watching them slowly descend into gender madness, but they’re aware of my ideas too so if we weren’t friends from before they probably wouldn’t have stuck around. It’s something we joke about occasionally, just having rapidly different views and all. I know they’d never want to speak to me about their gender troubles considering I wouldn’t nearly give them as much validation as their other friends which although makes me feel a tiny bit sad that I can’t be for them with All of their struggles, but its better than me feeding into something which I know may be harmful to them or be a harmful mindset.

TIFs in general (including my friends) all have had either a large amount of internalized misogyny and this immediately reflects in the way they treat or perceive other women after becoming more masculine or “passing” better, or have had something happen to them (whether online or irl) which made them feel like they were never women at all, this doesn’t apply to all of them (just my personal observation)

I’m sure there are some transmascs who are just enjoying the idea of being a man and not hurting anyone (other than themselves i assume?) but yeah, the ones without dysphoria annoy me the most because its really just them running away from the idea of being a woman at all, or those “trans people can be gnc!” posts, those just get me confused on what they even want.

Some TIFs will go through a “not like other girls” phase, which trans ideology eats up like breakfast, and so they decide they’re not a girl at all, or because of the internet, majority of the girls i meet who end up being groomed, flirted with by someone they weren’t interested in, or even sexualized (irl or online doesn’t matter in this instance since it happens in both), they try to escape that they’re a target.

I don’t talk about myself much but I struggle with dysphoria a lot, and before I found radical feminism, I thought I was trans for wanting to escape all my internal thoughts of how a woman should be that were put in my head by the people around me, (being a brown muslim girl specifically didn’t help) and I thought I was somehow different for not enjoying femininity and not liking my body and not wanting to be a baby making machine (since the only women in my life seemed so content with knowing thats all they were supposed to be) but this community really opened my eyes and gave me the courage to realize that I was never different.

Now, I’ve dealt with TIMs, and they really are just as bad as they say. The first one I met was really just role playing as an anime girl whenever he spoke, he had some trauma with his dad which I assume put some ideas of toxic masculinity in his head so thats why he decided he wasn’t a man at all?? Idk i didn’t ask very well but talking to him was extremely uncomfortable. The funniest thing I remember is that he would act so “submissive” to appear more “feminine” with his little stutters in texts and this whole shy persona. And one day I dm’d him and i said “hey, you don’t have to stutter through text, its kind of annoying” (i was 12 at the time mind you, idk how old he was exactly but i think he was 16-18?) and his way of texting immediately changed. He told me to shut the fuck up, and that i had no idea what he had been through and that I shouldn’t comment on anything he does.

Which completely threw me off cause I genuinely thought this guy was supposed to be nice? I didn’t believe for one second that he was a girl with his voice even as a 12 year old on fucking discord but watching him suddenly shift like that was something I remembered later on. I do purposefully avoid TIMs since interacting with them makes my brain fry, I’ve dealt with worse but this was just one mild(?) example, the rest are just misogynistic slurs being thrown at me for speaking up, blatant racism, very defensive behaviour and so on. TIFs are TIMs biggest defenders and I genuinely don’t have any idea why, they say shit like “transmascs have more privilege than transfemmes so check yourself” its hair pulling level stupid.

Thank god I haven’t dealt with anything as crazy as what I’ve seen on radblr but once you’re aware of something you tend to see it everywhere, even in the smallest form, every time I see a trans activism post I’m immediately aware of the extremist lengths a simple instagram post is leading to. Chanting “free2pee” at an lgbt support group isn’t the quirky phrase you think it is, and even if I could answer your question with “oh no, we’re just fear mongering blah blah i love my trans friends” it still wouldn’t dismiss the many other encounters women on radblr have had, they’re in the right for sharing their experiences and boosting the experiences of other women, so my one statement alone shouldn’t exactly be something to fully go off of. You did ask Me this question so yeah I’m just speaking from experience and personal opinion.

[lesbian-vmin]

The Topic of Gender Identity - JM Focus

So. This is something that I’ve gotten asked about a few times since people became interested in my analyses. And it’s something I’ve always avoided answering because it seems to me that the topic of gender is way more touchy than the topic of sexuality.

I’m also the sort of person who doesn’t like people talking about things without some form of experience on the topic. I can talk about how I see the potential of someone being gay because I’m gay. I know what it’s like to be gay. I know what it’s like to be afraid for people to find out that you’re gay (passed that, but been there). Someone who isn’t gay and never questioned it wouldn’t have any idea what it’s like.

As someone who has struggled with gender identity myself, I’ve decided that I’ll talk about this. I’d say that I have a controversial opinion on this topic, but no matter what you say about gender identity, one person or another is going to think it’s controversial. So, really, everyone has a controversial opinion on the topic. As it is not my intention to offend anyone, I decided to share that controversial opinion. Anyway. Read on if you can handle someone talking about their opinion without getting riled up that it might be different than yours, and if you’re curious about my thoughts on the topic. If not. Move on. (BELOW THE CUT)

So. Let me start by putting in the “short story” of my gender identity, so you kind of get the idea where I’m coming from when I state my opinion on this topic. You can skip this to the part where I start talking about Jimin, but I just wanted to add this in here so you have an idea of where I’m coming from.

Currently, I identify as a cis-female lesbian, but it took me a long time to accept myself as a female. Honestly. When I was a child, I was more okay with the fact that I liked girls than the fact that I was a girl. Liking girls never felt wrong to me. Liking girls as a girl is what felt wrong. I don’t know if that makes sense, but I know how I felt.

I was what they called a “tom-boy” back in the day. I’m not sure if that term is offensive now? But I always related with the label for some reason.

My parents have a lot to do with my current view on gender identity. My mom told me when I was a little baby, my favorite color was pink. It’s currently pink. She said that once I started learning the names of colors and that they had “genders”, I took a hard turn to the color blue. I pretended that blue was my favorite color for a big part of my life, throughout high school, because I didn’t want to be associated with the “girly” things.

I also liked Hotwheels as child. I was obsessed with cars. This is something I was genuinely interested in, and not just because I wanted to distance myself from girly things. At McDonald’s they often have “boy toys” and “girl toys”. I also have one brother and two sisters. When my mom took us to McDonald’s, she’d always say she wanted “two hotwheels and two barbies”. If the checker ever said “girls and boy toys” my mom would again specify hotweels and barbies. Because she didn’t understand why they were “girl and boy toys”. As a child, I was changing her perspective on gender.

We used to go to Christmas parties when I was a kid, and Santa would always hand out presents to the kids. It always seemed they gave the boys certain toys, and the girls always got dolls or doll related things. So I started to hate going to these Christmas parties. I also question why Santa didn’t buy me the gifts I wanted. He was supposed to know what every child wanted. One year, my mom talked to the people who decided the gift buying, and they got me a giant collection of hotwheels. This Santa became my favorite.

Anyhow. I always wanted to be my dad’s son. I wanted to him to play sports with me and grill with him like he would do with my brother. When I showed more interest in those things than my brother did, he started doing them with me instead. I’d help him build things. I’d play sports with him. And we always grilled together. Until I got older and started going through the inevitable changes that every girl goes through. He stopped treating me like a son and started treating me like a daughter, and it really upset me that my dad’s whole attitude toward me would have changed like that. So I started hating being a girl even more.

Anyway, long story short (believe me, there’s a lot more to this story, but this is a Jimin focus. Not a Koala focus). I eventually came to accept that I was a girl, and actually like feminine things. But, at the same time, I actually like masculine things, too. Coming out to my family as gay really allowed me to express my gender identity more. And I think it’s funny because they often point out how I became more feminine after coming out when many females do it the opposite. I explained to them that I always wanted to be “straight” and like girls, but when I fully accepted myself as gay, I fully accepted myself as female, too.

That being said, I didn’t give in to gender norms or anything like that. I just stopped pretending to hate all feminine things for the fear of being “too much of a girl” to like girls. Pink is my favorite color, but I’ll take the whole fucking rainbow any day. I love hotwheels, and I know more about cars than most modern boys do. I know about computers, and I love math. I absolutely love playing sports (I don’t like watching them so much). I love high fantasy, and I love playing d&d with my friends. But I also love sitting down to a nice romantic movie every now and then. I play all kinds of video games from fps to dress up games, and I love the fact that I don’t have to be apologetic about any of it. I can fix my own kitchen sink and give you tips about how to get stains out of the carpet. I still hate dolls, and they are fucking creepy to me.

I can accept the term bigender for myself, but I label myself as cis-female. Because I don’t want society to tell me that “feminine” things are for girls and “masculine” things are for boys. And tell me how I need to identify because of my like or distaste for either. I don’t mind “feminine” and “masculine” labels, but I don’t think it should determine how much of a “boy” or “girl” you are. I know that people identify as trans and anywhere on the spectrum for reasons that go beyond that, and that’s fine. My story goes far beyond that as well, but that’s pretty much my main focus that brings me to this point.

So. Let’s talk about Jimin now.

IN RELATION TO JIMIN

So, I’ve had exactly one ask that wanted to know if I would refer to Jimin as “they” instead of “he” because we don’t know how he identifies, but I think that can be true for anyone. Just because JK presents himself as more masculine with the fact that he works out and is a “boy” boy, we can’t presume that he identifies as a cis-male. Even if he likes all masculine things, and there’s nothing feminine about him (which isn’t true, but even if it was), we can’t just assume that he identifies as cis-male and is totally comfortable in his 100% male role. So the fact that this seems to come up mostly in relation to Jimin kind of proves how it’s a societal “masculine” and “feminine” thing when it comes many people’s view on gender identity.

I’ve also had a lot of people come to my inbox and talk about how they don’t see why people question Jimin’s gender. “He’s not feminine at all.” And, let me just say that he really is, and I don’t think it would offend him for me to blatantly state that. When he first debuted, he really tried to present himself as masculine, and he wanted to be seen as a “strong/real man.” But he’s eased himself into what he’s more comfortable with, and he, himself, talks about this transformation. How he doesn’t have pretend anymore, and he can just be who he is. And that’s a wonderful thing. And him talking about it the way he does (I’d love to go back and find examples, so people share links if you have any otherwise it’s going to take me ages to source this) kind of tells me that he wants people to realize his transformation. That he is so unbothered by both his feminine and masculine traits that he isn’t bothered if people see him more one way or the other.

Let me bring up Jimin’s bigender tattoo, if you will. (x) Well, it’s not really a tattoo, and more of a drawing. It wasn’t permanent, but still. I’ve had a few people argue that it’s not the bigender symbol because of both extensions pointing straight instead of the masculine symbol being at an angle (x), but seeing as how I don’t know of any other symbol it could be, I’m going to assume that it was meant to be the bigender symbol. 

Does this tattoo mean that he identifies as bigender? I’m leaning toward yes, but I’m also going to have to say that it doesn’t confirm anything. We don’t know the reason behind the tattoo unless Jimin tells us himself, and we don’t know the reason it was altered with both extensions being aligned instead of the way the actual symbol looks (if that detail is significant in any way).

Again, I’m leaning toward a strong possibility of him identifying as bigender because BTS are pretty socially aware, and I’m sure he knows what the symbol means. There could be a list of other reasons as to why he decided to use the symbol, so we’ll never know the truth unless he tells us.

I will say that, similar to how I think TH mentioning the Christmas song to us was to see how we’d react to the idea of him singing a romantic song with a boy, I think that Jimin putting that tattoo on his arm was to raise a similar kind of topic. I think he wants people to discuss and question his gender identity. And I think anyone who has come out to their family, friends, and societies would get the same idea. Because it’s a process, and this seems like a step in the process.

I’d often talk about how I loved it when people would mistake me for a boy, and how disappointing it was when someone would be quick to correct them. I’d talk about how being a “girl” is exhausting and how I wish I could flip a switch and be a “boy”. I’d question my parents about how they’d feel if I brought a girl home. I’d use gender neutral pronouns while talking about people I was interested in. I’d question if it was weird to want to hold hands with my best female friends. And the list goes on.

The tattoo seems like a step in a process. Maybe he’s not trying to come out, but maybe he wants us to be talking about it. I don’t think we should just assume that he’s bigender because of it (the same way we shouldn’t just assume TH is gay for Christmas song talk), but I don’t think people need to be so quick to shut the idea down. Because it’s possible that he might not identify as cis-male, and to shut down a piece of evidence like a bigender drawing on his arm is to shut down a pretty strong piece of evidence. That tattoo was drawn on Jimin for a reason because it’s supposed to mean something. Until we know what that something is, there is absolutely no harm in us fans talking and wondering about his identity. As long as we don’t shove it in Jimin’s face and demand that he talks about it. Let’s wonder together. Among ourselves.

As for which pronouns to use when talking about Jimin, until he says anything official about his identity, I think “he/him” pronouns are fine. If you want to call him “they/them”, I think that’s fine, too. I won’t simply because I only like to use “they/them” if I’m intentionally trying to be neutral or if an individual specifically requests to be addressed as such, but I don’t see the harm in anyone else doing it. I think going as far as using “she/her” could be a little too much and a little too presumptive. I’m not the sort to get offended by any type of pronouns. I identify with them all, but that’s not true for everyone. And it might not be true for Jimin. So I think it’s best to stick with “he/him” or “they/them” because they’re the most gender neutral terms. 

And yeah. “He/him” is more gender neutral than “she/her”. And, even if you don’t think so, “he/him” are the terms we use to refer to biological males without knowing anything about their personal identity. I don’t think it’s “assuming he’s cis until he says otherwise.” This is just as harmful as “assuming he’s straight until he says otherwise.” Because, for me at least, “he/him” is referring to the only thing I know about his gender/sex until he confirms otherwise, and that’s the biological part of his gender/sex. It’s not me saying “Oh, I think he’s definitely cis unless he says he’s not”. Because I’m leaning more toward the “not” part of that, but the only thing I can confirm is that he is biologically male. He wouldn’t be in BTS if he wasn’t.

Bringing it back to the first point I mentioned, we can’t assume a gender identity onto any of them. Jimin brings up more questions not because of his “feminine” side, but because of that bigender symbol. But it doesn’t mean that he identifies that way, and it doesn’t mean none of the other members do.

Like I said. I was hesitant about making this post and avoided asks about this topic for a long time because people get more defensive about gender identity than sexuality, but I wanted to talk about this. Because regardless of how offended people get about this topic, I think it’s something we shouldn’t be afraid to discuss.

[imagine-loki]

Pride and Prejudice

TITLE: Pride and Prejudice CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 62 AUTHOR: wolfpawn

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki was raised on Jotunheim as Laufey’s son after the war, but an agreement was then made that he would wed Odin’s daughter so Odin could secure the alliance of Jotunheim through the marriage. Loki, in turn, was raised to be king of Jotunheim, but how he views Asgard is far different from how Odin’s daughter is raised leading to a clash of cultures as well as uncertainty between the pair of betrothed youths.     RATING: Mature   NOTES/WARNINGS: Forced Marriage, not all fun and games. My first real step back into the Loki scene in over a year.

Tags - @skulliebythesea @asimovethroughthisworld @blackcherry26-blog @we-shadowhunter2901

Loki watched as Ella stretched her back. “When do we leave?” She turned to face him as she spoke. 

“We?” “You nearly died there in the heat of their Autumn, in their Summer, you all will suffer. It is not like there is much of an argument for me staying.” 

“Ella, you are too…” She glared at him. “No.” 

“I know what I can take and I assure you, I can take this.” 

“But…” “Do you think I would risk him?” 

“Never,” Loki answered immediately. He knew she loved the child growing in her. He knew she would die before risking their son. 

“Then believe me when I say, I can take this and I am coming. So, when do we leave?” 

Seeing that nothing would make her change her mind,  Loki sighed in resignation. “The end of the week.” 

“I better begin preparing, so.” 

Loki watched her go to do so, noting how she moved with Gungnir in her grasp. It seemed entirely natural to her. 

*

“She’s coming?” Býleistr stared at Ella who was preparing something closeby. “Are you insane?” “Firstly, my mate is not named ‘She’, secondly, if Ella chooses to come, none can stop her, not even me.” Loki walked past his brother as he spoke.

“Alma is remaining. If she were my mate…”

“‘She’ as you insist on calling her, is not your mate though, is she? She is mine and I will not dictate to her such things. I voiced my concerns as to her travelling so far into pregnancy but she is healthy and feels there is no risk to the child, thus she has decided to come along. Not that it is any concern to any other than herself and indeed myself. Also, as she so validly pointed out, we would be at risk of melting in Alfheim at this stage of their year. The heat and humidity eclipse that of what we suffered in the war. Her ability with seidr alone would assist us, with Gungnir…”

“Does it not concern you that she just walks around with a weapon that could kill us all?” Býleistr eyed Gungnir warily. 

“Why would I? You need to be a competent seidr wielder to even hold it, the only seidr wielder on this whole realm is my mate who is very much only interested in helping our realm,” Loki dismissed. “She would rather slit her own throat than allow herself to be used to hurt us.” 

“What if it was her child or us, do you think she would be willing to sacrifice it for our realm?” Loki glared at his brother. “How dare you even suggest such a horrific situation. If I were to be so heartless of Alma you would want to impale me were I to breathe such words.” “I am just worried about our realm, Loki. Just like you. She is not Jotnar, she is in possession of a weapon that our father specifically stated can wipe out our people in an afternoon if she so chose to.” “Yes, we were all told of that blasted thing but Ella would never use it against us so your worries are unfounded and insulting to my mate. She is more selfless than you could ever hope to be,” Loki snarled before walking off. 

“Why is he so…?” Býleistr looked to Helbindi confused. 

“Pissy? Gee, I wonder, maybe, and is just a wild guess, but maybe our brother does not like you being so accusatory and demeaning to his mate and the dam of his offspring?” Helbindi commented sarcastically. “Why are you always so apprehensive about Ella, she has never deserved your reactions to her?” 

“She is Odin Allfather’s daughter, why am I the only one of us that sees that this is a concern? What if that child is more Aesir than Jotnar in demeanour and we end up with an Odin on our throne?” “Well, this child is more Vanir than anything else but he will be raised here, with his sire as king and as a Jotnar. According to Loki, he is Jotnar in appearance too.” “Does that not seem odd to you?” Býleistr demanded. “To be able to say such before it is even born, how do we know she is not feeding some lie to him? This idea that it is male, or looks like us? There is no way to know these things.” “The Allfather was able to tell Ella was female before she was born and made a deal with Father with regards to her?” Helbindi pointed out. 

“I would put nothing past the Allfather. Even if it...actually, that would explain a lot.” Helbindi could not fit the pieces together of what his brother was saying to see things as his brother did. “What would?” 

“Why Loki’s mate is different to how the female gender is supposed to be in Asgard. The Allfather altered how she was meant to be from male to female.”

Helbindi stared at his brother in shock, unable to say anything to counter the entirely ridiculous words he was hearing. “I honestly do not know what to say to that, I really don’t. Have you any idea how insane you sound?” He shook his head. “That is insulting, both to Ella and to all female Aesir. We have little knowledge of them.” “They do not place much value in them,” Býleistr pointed out. 

“Most realms don’t but then again, a daughter of the Allfather could only ever be a formidable being.” Helbindi looked around and saw his mate speaking with Ella nearby. “I am not speaking of this with you any further. It is insulting to your brother, his mate and your future king also.” He stated as he left. 

Býleistr did not know what to think as Helibindi walked off. He looked over at his brother as he spoke with Greta and Ella, who smiled joyfully with them, teasing Helbindi as he publicly showed affection for his mate. When it came to Ella, he always felt uncertain. He was not overly old when the war took place but one thing that remained with him was the instantaneous difference the removal of the Casket caused. He remembered the crops dying, the brightness of the realm fading all too quickly. He would never forget that. The image of the Aesir guard holding their Casket, their life source, in his hands as they marched from the realm imprinted in his mind since then. The Allfather, the supposed “Protector of the Realms” left theirs to rot, that filthy staff in his hand, ensuring none could stop him. The light beaming on the gold of Gungnir brought his attention to the staff once more. He knew Ella was not the Allfather but she was his daughter, there was no way in which she did not inherit some of her sire’s traits. When she glanced at him, he felt himself tense. Her eyes reminded him of the Allfather, the same colour, the same air, it made him feel uncomfortable. 

“‘Bind, what is bothering Býleistr?” Greta asked curiously, noting Býleistr’s peculiar look. 

“Nothing. He’s just being ‘Leist,” Helbindi stated. “Why don’t we get ready to go?” He suggested, turning to face his older brother for a moment, giving him a warning glare before urging his mate away. “Ella?” Ella eyed Býleistr for a moment longer, noting the manner in which he was looking at her as she turned to prepare to leave. 

When Loki arrived, flanked by Arden and a few others, he immediately sought Ella, using the shining gold staff to assist in seeking her out. When she saw her mate, she smiled brightly at him but something seemed slightly amiss in her eyes as she did so, “Are you alright?” Loki asked worriedly. 

“Fine,” She smiled again, showing once more something was slightly amiss. “Are we ready?” “When you are.” Loki stood back slightly. Still worried as to what was bothering her but knowing that there was little chance of her telling him with how she was acting. He had thought that they would be forced to use the Bifrost to travel between realms but Ella had scoffed at such an idea and merely told her mate that she would deal with it. He worried slightly as to what that meant but seeing her standing with Gungnir in her hand and with a simple tap of it on the ground, a gold circle began to form in front of them, becoming bigger and clearer until the centre showed the green forests of Alfheim. On seeing such, Ella stepped forward through the portal, Loki following a mere half-step behind her before the rest of the Jotnar joined them. 

Loki knew that they should be suffering the humidity that was clear to see around them but he felt as though he was still on Jotunheim. He looked to his side to see his mate smiling knowingly at him. “Thank you. I...What is wrong with Býleistr?” He looked over at his brother worriedly. “I do not think he wants me to use Gungnir on him, so I did not. That is what I gathered at least.” She walked away boredly. 

Loki walked over to Býleistr, who was gasping for air. “Your mocking of my ability to sweat is coming back to haunt you, I see?” “I…”

“What did you say of my mate to say she is not assisting you now through this heat and humidity?” 

Helibindi and Greta looked at Býleistr curiously. “Just say it, ‘Leist, or I will.” Helbindi urged. 

“I…” “He accused the Allfather of altering my gender whilst in my mother’s womb to forge a deal between our realms and that is why I am so masculine in manner, nothing, of course, to do with some women not being shrinking violets.” 

Loki was used to hearing Ella converse with him with the use of her seidr. Looking at his brother, he scoffed. “Sounds like you deserved it.” 

“How…?” 

“Did she tell me? My mate is incredibly talented at everything she does but especially with regards to her seidr. Perhaps next time you are speaking ill of her, you do not do so while glaring at her, it gives away some ill-intent.” He smirked. “Ella?” A moment later, and with a shimmer of gold encircling him, Býleistr sighed in relief as he once more. 

Loki stood in close over his brother, his lips to Býleistr’s ear. “Let this be a warning to you, Brother.” His voice was merely a growl as he spoke. “If you insult my mate again, I will not be so quick to convince her to bestow any assistance or kindness she may consider to put upon you. She, I can assure you, is entirely female but as you are not in possession of the sense to see that masculinity does not automatically equate to leadership and strength, then you open your mouth to spew these stupid statements.” He rose to full height again. “Stop acting as though you’re mortally wounded and stand straight. You are representing Jotunheim, remember.”

Býleistr looked his brother in the eye for a moment before giving a submissive nod. “Of course.” Loki turned to walk away. “And I apologise.” 

“It is not me you owe it to,” Loki pointed out. 

Býleistr looked over at Ella. He rarely if ever interacted with her. He felt there was little reason to. They did not share interests and though she spoke often with Alma, especially with regards to carrying young, he felt they had little to discuss in any manner. But knowing that she knew his words about her, he felt even more awkward. With the horrific humidty and heat no longer bothering him, he was forced to admit her abilities, when used to assist them, were incredibly useful. He looked at Angrboða, who had come with him to see her reaction to the situation. 

She merely said nothing and remained neutral faced. She had witnessed Ella’s abilities enough times to know that mocking them was foolish. She also knew the different dirty and backhanded comments said about the Aesir princess but even she did not say such things of her at the very beginning when she loathed her entirely. She did not like Ella but she could see that Ella never held anything against her for everything with Loki which shocked her at the time but she could see it was true. She felt bitter at being the only mate not currently pregnant but as Alma and Býleistr stated, two mates rarely were pregnant at the same time and when her time would come, Alma would assist her also. Since Angrboða was raised by her family of two female mates, she knew the integral role she would play for their family but it did still hurt slightly to see the Aesir mate of her former flame rotund with his child, then seeing others carrying too but she did not allow it to bother her as much as such would have not too long ago. With regards to the current situation, she knew an apology was warranted but she was less than rushing over to force her mate to issue it, as valid as such was. 

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Life Is Proud: Life Of Agony’s Mina Caputo: “I don’t like being called transgender or transsexual… I’m a beautiful human being”

Pioneering Life Of Agony singer Mina Caputo opens up about letting go of the past, spirituality, and the Pride movement during the third instalment of Kerrang!’s Life Is Proud campaign.

“You’re setting off landmines inside of me!” says Mina Caputo. We’re 35 minutes into a filmed interview which we are conducting as part of Kerrang!’s Life Is Proud campaign in celebration of Pride Month.

Our conversation thus far has embraced everything from the work of psychologist Carl Jung and his study of the dark side of the mind through to the disinformation of modern media, and on to the liberating impact of artists such as Robert Plant and Freddie Mercury.

The ​“landmines”, though, consist of a few questions about Mina’s remarkable career and her own journey to find herself. They do, indeed, trigger explosions – delivered with her customary frankness and forays into deeply emotional territory.

Mina’s story starts in Brooklyn where she was born in December 1973. At the age of one, she lost her mother to an overdose. Her father was also an addict – ​“I grew up pulling dope needles out of my dad’s arm,” she told Kerrang! last year – and when he OD’d she had to identify his body. Both moments, she says, armed her to face the real world, providing her with ​“spiritual juice” as she also began to seek solace in music.

Raised by her Italian-American grandparents in a brutally traditional atmosphere, Mina experienced a sense of gender dysphoria from a young age – something she carried with her when she formed alternative metal band, Life Of Agony, in her teens. Her sense of alienation increased as the band’s popularity grew and she continued to feel at odds with the bristling machismo, muscle-flexing and sheer violence within the East Coast scene.

“Life Of Agony were a very different band from the jump,” she says. ​“But that time taught me to protect my neck. It taught me how to be afraid of my own unique authenticity. The first five or 10 years of my career, we were abused. There were lots of comments, like I’m a gay junkie, because I looked differently and I sang differently. We were left out of scenes and we were left off bills. But I knew why: because were bad-ass and we rose to the top really, really fast. People didn’t like that. Other bands didn’t like that.”

For Mina, her quest to find herself had become a key issue which she had to address. In a conservative scene, her experimentation with her image and sense of sexual exploration came at a price.

“I started painting my fingernails and toenails with Jonathan [Davis] on a tour with Ozzy Osbourne and Korn [in 1996], and that was seen as rebellious!” she smiles. ​“And I started going onstage wearing a big women’s fur coat and getting so much shit for just being different – and for being someone unlike the scene had ever really seen. I was a trendsetter, a physical trendsetter. And being in that scene, it was horrifying.”

Things came to a head following the release of Soul Searching Sun, Life Of Agony’s third album, in 1997, when Mina finally decided her only option was to leave the band. Against all odds, LOA would reform in 2003 and continue to release a string of acclaimed albums, their story documented in the no-holds barred documentary The Sound Of Scars.

“I felt afraid, I felt like dying,” reflects Mina on the struggles she endured as she quit the band. ​“I felt like my cellular structure was continuously dying and I wasn’t alive or living, I wasn’t sharing my true self. I was definitely afraid. It took me to quit the band because I wasn’t being true to myself. I had to get away from my band, the label, everyone I worked with.”

A hugely varied solo career spanning over 10 albums and endless collaborations followed, but Mina still feels that history weighs heavily on her.

“No-one wants to let go of my past story. Every lame rock journalist starts of the article in the same way because there’s no more creative writing anymore. Everyone’s cutting and pasting. ​‘Mina Caputo – once Keith Caputo’,” she snorts.

“Everyone has to keep reintroducing the fact that I’m a freak, born anatomically a boy. No shit! I’m a different creature. I’m not trying to be a boy, or trying to fit into your dickhead masculine world! Nor am I trying to fit into the genetic female world. I don’t give a fuck! I don’t give a fuck about fitting into your marginalised soulless, fear-based spiritually bankrupt world. I’ve gone my own world, my own internal world. I’ve got my music. I’ve got small selection of friends. I’ve got my money. I’ve got my divine protection. I’ve got my studies. I’m not a stupid motherfucker! I study quantum physics! I study Hopi American prophecies! I study philosophy. I’m well-equipped for this fucking world!”

Mina’s bravery in the face of adversity remains inspirational. Experiencing the distrust of ​‘otherness’ during her childhood, she has battled against prejudice most of her adult life. And, yet, she admits that her decision to come out as transgender in 2011 was far from easy.

“It was very, very scary,” she reflects. ​“I didn’t tell a lot of people until my body started to change and I couldn’t hide it anymore. For the first year of hormone therapy, I kept it hidden.”

She is also honest enough to admit that, even a decade on, she still suffers from moments of self-doubt.

“It’s not like, ​‘I’ve arrived! I’m fucking whole!’” Mina says, triggering another explosion. ​“I battle with things every day. Some days I think about going back to living as a guy. The pressure of the world, of politics, of the garbage surrounding me – if I let it get to me, I can get sick. My immunity will collapse if I let the world fuck with my power and who I am. And it’s a good thing that I’ve been doing yoga for 30 years. I’ve been meditating for just as long. Thank the ancient gods and that I’ve downloaded the wisdom codes to give me the strength to carry on.”

Mina’s self-preservation and spirituality is evident in most of her interviews, and yet her quest has also contributed to her ongoing sense of frustration with the world she sees around her.

“I think I am a gentle and considerate human being and I believe in true equality. I want everyone to be in love with their lives and the planet itself,” she nods. ​“That’s what life is about, but there are people and organisations that try and get in the way of that so I get frustrated and angry about that.

“Society, the political paradigm, all of it – it’s one big farce, one big façade! It’s very inorganic and anti-life. I don’t care if you’re Democratic or Republican, nobody is leading with love. Nobody!” she continues. ​“Even in Britain. Your policies around trans people – and it’s the same in America – they’re trying so very fucking hard to continuously disempower the human species!”

The idea of codification is something that Mina frowns upon, so how does she view the Pride movement as a whole?

“Pride is a very ego-driven ideology and I work really hard to cut the strings of my ego,” she explains. ​“Pride means different things to different people. The LGBTQ community wants love from the outside world, but I think the LGBTQ community needs to start loving on one another. We’re never going to get respect from the rest of the world if you don’t do that. You have gay guys constantly coming down on trans girls, you’ve got trans girls coming down on trans girls, you’ve got a new fucking word every day and you can’t say this or you can’t say that.

“If Pride gives people a feeling of wholeness, then it’s a good thing. I know it makes a lot of people happy. But you’ve got to create your own circle in a sense rather than be defined by someone else’s narrative.”

Describing herself as ​“a lone wolf”, Mina concludes our conversation by pointing out her issues with the labels ascribed to individuals by society.

“I don’t like being called transgender, or transsexual, or trans-this or trans-that. I’m a beautiful human being. I’m a gender-creative child. I’m very different. I don’t subscribe to these one-dimensional ideas. My mind is too vast, my mind is like the Dao, you know? I wear my heart on my sleeve all the time and that’s what being genuine and authentic is all about,” she offers as one of her parting shots. ​“But if you’re asking me how I am? I’m full of love, full of harmony and thankfulness. What else do you want?”

[queer-as-frikc]

My coming out story is weird, it gets a lil transphobic so tw near the end tw long post too

So, pretty much throughout my time growing up through elementary school and half of middle school, i grew up in a white middle class area. I didnt know about the LGBTQ+ or anything other than what I saw, which was white people and an occasional poc. Eventually I had to move and I ended up in a super diverse area, and ended up becoming best friends with this person (they are ftm now so imma use the right pronouns but they were f when this story mostly takes place) he told me all about things I didnt know, specifically the LGBTQ+ community and that he was pan, and it was new information so just like any 13 year old learning new things, I questioned myself, I questioned if I could like the same sex or not or possibly more.

Sadly, drama happened between my best friend, his girlfriend and I, so thing got a little weird. But there was a time in winter, when he was off that relationship for more than a month and he said he'd like to date me, and I really thought about it before hand and said yeah, I couldnt tell you how happy I was to have this experience.

I told my mom that night, in a round about way cuz I was nervous, "Hey mom, what if I liked girls?" She told me she doesnt think that I do, because I always expressed feelings for guys, and when I tell her I didnt really understand what being gay was when I was younger, I didn't really know it was a possibility. She snapped at me and said, "Unless you are willing to kiss a girl and do the other stuff, you arent gay at all."

Eventually I have a sit down conversation with her, about how confusing this all was and how I wish I knew how I felt, and so on. She said she had a similar questioning phase but it never stuck so she doesnt think I am.

Like a month later I figure it out and dude that was so gratifying. I came out as bi to my mom, who just dismissed the whole thing, but I was terrified to tell my uncle (it's a long story about that, no it's not "sweet home Alabama") because he always said bi's were wh*res so yeah. I ended up telling him, and he goes, "You know my opinion on it but that doesnt mean that I'll disown you or anything." Btw the relationship (dating wise) with my best friend after he came out as ftm because he went back to his ex, it's all cool tho.

So that was that, or so I thought. It was my first year of high school, and I finally really understood the definition of pan, what was holding me back though was the trans experience, I thought because I didnt know what it was like, I couldnt be pan, even though I didnt have a preference, turns out it just means you like people no matter their gender and it like, clicked finally so yeah. I've told my family about that since but I a similar reaction: my mom said she doesnt think I am and she lectured me on my generation having so many labels and how she hated it. My uncle said he appreciated that I was pan more than me being bi which confused me but he just had a better view of pansexual than bisexual. (I explained to both of them what the difference was but idk man)

I believe it was my second year of high school when I really started to question my gender, and that was mostly because I saw a video of what gender dysphoria looks like if it's not that strong and you arent aware for ftm. So like wearing bagging clothes all the time, always wearing sports bras, and practically no other bra, feeling really good if someone accidentally calls you sir, etc. And I was like, oml it's me. But it wasnt, I didnt find that out until later tho. So, with my friend group, I find a name that seems to fit me well and ask them to address me by it and he/him pronouns, as like a test of sorts. (All of my friends are gay in some way so it was cool) In the end tho, I got a little iffy about the whole thing and wouldnt ever correct them at times or it was just off for me. I felt really bad because I thought that they might have thought that I was just trying to force myself to be more like them, but I wasnt, i still felt bad though and kinda dropped it.

I'm not sure 100% how I figured it out tho, but I remember talking to my best friend (not the same one from middle school, they were my best friend as well but they arent the same person) about the whole experience and I believe they brought up the idea of genderfulid, and I was like :0.... what that. They explain it, you go aall over the gender spectrum, some days you might feel like a boy, others you might feel like you have no gender, some days you might feel like your gender is something completely weird and different, that's just what it is. And I was like, "It fits but like, I barely feel femme at any point in time, maybe like once a year." And they tell me, that's ok and stuff as long as my gender just decides to be a completely weird and went all over the place, it counted, so I was like, "I finally figured it out!!!" And i was so happy.

Then came the time I was comfortable enough to tell my parents. I had been using the label genderfuild for over half a year already and I thought that it was what I was so it was ok to tell them. I saw how ok me being gay went, so I was nervous but not as nervous as I should have been, probably. I told my mom first, she went on a similar rant of her no liking my generations labels and such, but it went fine, I explained it, I thought I was through, I thought I was fine, apparently not. One day I'm in the shower and I hear my mom being very expressive with what ever shes talking about to my uncle, which is fine, she needs someone to vent to sometimes. When I get out though, and I can here her clearly, I hear sees complaining about what I told her recently, that I'm genderfulid, but instead of saying that, she only says I want to be a boy. (Oh no) So shes complaining to him, asking why I cant be more like her and just be a masculine girl and be fine, why do I have to fit in with the crowd of my generation to feel special, why cant I just be fine with who I am now? Etc.

The sad thing is, that night, I was going out shopping for pants and underwear with my uncle because I needed some and I wore men's pants already at that point, because they are more durable, and stuff so I knew it was gonna be a long ride. My mom was snippy with me that whole night, just the entire time which sucked.

When we finally left to go get clothes though, I didnt know it could get worse. My uncle lectured me about how that's just my generations fad, and how his was making tattoos and piercings ok in the work place and mine is being trans a gay and all that crap, and that I'm just trying to fit in, I'm not being myself, no matter how much I chop myself up and cut my hair and take hormones my chromosomes will never change and so I can never be an actual guy. He also said that I would bring just more attention to myself being a woman who does guy things rather than try and be one, and he thinks I'm doing this all for attention. I was mad but silent at this point, I didnt want to cause anything to happen. He ended up asking me, "So did you pick a different name?" I was surprised but I said yeah, and my friends were using it and it seemed to fit better. He asked me what it was and fear over took my body. I told him, "I'll only tell you if you dont use it against me if your mad." He says, "i cant promise that." And then gets mad because I wont tell him. Though I do, because I feel obligated since hes buying me clothes. To be even more confusing, he buys me guys underwear, and undershirts along with the predetermined pants he promised me and now I'm so confused.

But it gets even worse. When we get home, my mom freaks out on him because be bought me all that mens stuff and she said he was encouraging my behavior and stuff, he defended with it's just clothes, and yah it is. Eventually things settle down, obviously my mom isnt talking to be, but that's for the best at this point. I'm in the living room with my uncle and he just then starts harassing me with questions like, how do you know? he asks. "Well, I just feel that way, same as you." I say. But why do you wanna be a guy? he asks. "I dont wanna be a guy, it's just weird that way. Also it's not me being a guy, it me being many more than that," I say. He says that's bullsh*t. I offer to show him videos that better explain what trans is and how it's an actual sciencey thing and stuff but he said he wont take a video because he wants me to say it. And then he just goes off, saying the name I picked out shows how self centered I am because I am selfish, he kept asking me if i liked to fight, to catch and play with bugs, to be strong, to be angry all the time, and all these stereotypes for men and I just left, and went to bed. He wasnt going to listen to me, so there wasnt a point to me staying.

But, it gets worse. The morning comes and I'm awoken by the slam of my door by my uncle and the laughter of my mom. My uncle starts being really aggressive and starts cleaning my room, I only have clothes on the floor mostly so that's all it was, but he starts saying, well if you're gonna be a man, imma start training you like one, the man of the house picks up after everyone, the man of the house does everything he can to help the house run smoothly, the man of the house has to be strong, and all that stuff. (Which I thought was funny because he was "the man of the house" yet I did everything, and still do. I clean up most after him, funny huh.) And, I know what's happening and so I stay in bed, I don't want this to happen. But I literally get ripped out of my bed by my uncle and get told to stop being a little b*tch and a brat because I'm being selfish by my mom and I'm yelled at to sit in the living room and wait while my uncle cleans my room. When hes done hes starts lecturing me and being all aggressive and in my face. He keeps asking me a million questions with the tone that he didnt care so I knew he wouldn't listen. Eventually, him and my mom leave, I'm told to stay there until I get back. When they do get back, they act like everything is fine, nothing happened between them and I and it's just been so hard for me to talk to them about that since.

I'm greatful that I dont have to deal with that anymore but every time something that that is brought up with my family, I panic so much now. I'm fine and I'm safe but it was very traumatic for me. And uh, thanks for listening.

hey, thank you so much for sharing your story. this was just. so heartbreaking. noone deserves to have a person like your uncle in their life. im so sorry you had to go through all of that. i hope you’re in a much better place now <3 (also i loveeddd reading about how you figured it out) =)

again, tysm <3

[andhumanslovedstories]

Recent country songs that have made me literally gay gasp as a gay woman, in order of how much they make me want to write an essay on gender and queerness

HONORARY MENTION BUT JUST BECAUSE I THINK THIS IS TECHNICALLY AMERICANA NOT COUNTRY (but genre is fake) AND THIS SONG ISN’T RECENT (2014 and I’ve been listening to it faithfully since then) BUT I ONLY RECENTLY LEARNED IT’S A COVER AND THAT’S MADE ME RECONTEXTUALIZE IT: “Murder in the City” by Brandi Carlile, a cover of The Avett Brothers where she changed the words “make sure my sister knows I loved her/make sure my mother knows the same” to “make sure my wife knows that I love her/make sure my daughter knows the same” which fucking. fucking gets me. Especially since the first time that I heard this song, I assumed it was from a man’s point of view because of that line, and then I learned that Brandi Carlile is a lesbian and I was caught up in my foolish heteronormitivity, and then I learned it was a cover and thought oh okay I guess the song is originally from a man’s pov and it’s cool she covered, and then I learned she changed those lines to make a song that already feels deeply personal to her to explicitly include her love for a woman and the family they’ve made together. And that’s just. It’s all just a lot. 

3) “Fooled Around and Fell in Love” by Miranda Lambert featuring Maren Morris, Elle King, Ashley McBryde, Tenille Townes and Caylee Hammack, because the first time it came up on my spotify, I saw the title and was like “hey dope I like this song” and then I heard the first line was still “I must have been through about a million girls” and I realized none of the words or pronouns were getting changed and I was getting the song I’ve always wanted and deserved: a high production value, high energy, big girl group tribute to being a lesbian fuckboy who Fooled Around And, oops can you believe it, Fell in Love. 

2) “If She Ever Leaves Me” by The Highwomen, sung by Brandi Carlile who is, as mentioned, lesbian, but since I’m apparently still chugging my comp het juice, I was still trying to figure out if this song--a classic “hey buddy keep walking, she’s my girl and she’s not interested” song with an interesting element of the singer being aware the relationship might not last anyway--was gonna be explicitly queer. And then there’s the line, “That's too much cologne, she likes perfume,” and I was like OH HOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!! 

This is immediately followed by the lines “I’ve loved her in secret/I’ve loved her out loud” which is also deliciously queer in this context, with this singer and that juxtaposition, but the line that really fucking got me is my favorite of the song: “If she ever leaves, it's gonna be for a woman with more time.” This is two women in a complicated relationship. This isn’t just a “keep walking, cowboy” song, it’s a song that uses that framework to suggest a whole ass “Finishing the Hat”** relationship, and that’s so interesting to me. Like a song that isn’t just explicitly about two women in love but one that conveys very quickly a rich history between the two of them. And in a genre where the line “Kiss lots of boys, kiss lots of girls if that’s something you’re into” was revolutionary representation.

(Fun fact, “Follow Your Arrow” was partially written by Brandy Clarke, another country lesbian! Another fun fact, so is basically every other good country song. Brandy Clark, please write a big lesbian country anthem, I know it will immediately kill me on impact.) 

To quote one youtube comment, “”lesbians how we feeling??” and to answer by quoting some others, “As a closeted baby gay in the 90s, who was into country, this song would have changed my life”, “I just teared up.  So many happy tears, as a gay woman raised on country music,  this is something that's definitely been needed.  Thank you Brandi. Thank you highwomen”, “This song means more than I can say in a youtube comment”, and “Lesbians needed this song :)”

It’s me. I’m lesbians. 

**ANOTHER HONORARY MENTION EXCEPT IT ISN’T RECENT AND IT ISN’T COUNTRY SO I GUESS THIS IS JUST A MENTION, BUT I AM INTERESTED IN THIS SONG--“Finishing the Hat” by Kelli O’Hara. A very good Sondheim joint, that’s about making art, the costs of its obsessive and exclusive nature and the incomparable pleasure of putting something into the world that wasn’t there before. It’s such a traditionally male narrative that I’m thrilled to find a wonderful female cover of it. I’m not even fussed about her changing the gender from the lover who won’t wait for the artist (except that the shift from “woman” to “one man” sounds so clunky) because there’s value turning this song into a lament of the men who won’t love artistic women. But I do also wish she’d also recorded a version that kept the original gender so it would be gay. OKAY BROADWAY TANGENT OVER, BACK TO COUNTRY. 

1) “Highwomen” by The Highwomen, ft. Yola and Sheryl Crow. I can’t even express the full body chills the first time I heard this. Like repeated, multiple chills renewed at every verse of the song. This really closely parallels my experience with “Fooled Around and Fell in Love” up there, because when I started it I was like “oh dope I know what this cover will be” and then the lyrics started and I was like “OH MY GOD I DIDN’T.” In the case of “Fooled Around” it’s because I was amazed that they kept the original words. In the case of “Highwomen” I fucking transcended because they changed them. 

So I grew up on Johnny Cash, obsessed with a couple of his albums but largely with a CD I had of his greatest hits. (Ask me how many times I listened to the shoeshine boy song. Hundreds. Johnny Cash told me to get rhythm and I got it.) And my FAVORITE was “Highwayman” from the country supergroup he was in, The Highwaymen. The concept of the song is that each of the four men sing a verse about a man from the past and how he died. It’s very good. The line “They buried me in that grey tomb that knows no sound” used to scare the shit out of me. I didn’t expect to have a song that targets so specifically my fear of being buried alive in wet concrete. 

(If you haven’t heard the song, by the way, listen to this version to properly appreciate it as a piece of music. If you have, watch the fucking music video holy shit this is a work of art oh my GOD.) 

So I was predisposed to love this cover before I even heard it. But then I heard it. And they rewrote the song to be about historical women. And it’s like. There’s layers here okay. 

Neither the Highwaymen nor the Highwomen are signing about famous people. This isn’t a Great Man tour of history, it’s about dam builders and sailors and preachers and mothers and Freedom Riders and also Johnny Cash who flies a starship across the universe, as you do. 

In the 1986 version, it’s a song about the continuity of life--the repeated idea is “I am still alive, I’m still here, I come back again and again in different forms.” The highwayman is all the men in the song. He reincarnates. The song is past, present, future. The title is singular, masculine. The same soul, expressed through multiple voices, multiple lives. 

In the 2019 version, the title is plural, feminine. Highwomen. This song is about women. Each verse asserts the same motif as the 1986 version--“I may not have survived but I am still alive”--but there is no implication of reincarnation. Each woman is her own woman. This version has a final verse that the previous versions lacks. The singers harmonize. It’s not a song where one voice replaces  another, the story of this One Man progressing through time. It ends in a chorus of women saying “We are still alive.” 

We are The Highwomen Singing stories still untold We carry the sons you can only hold We are the daughters of the silent generations You sent our hearts to die alone in foreign nations They may return to us as tiny drops of rain But we will still remain

And we'll come back again and again and again And again and again We'll come back again and again and again And again and again 

Another fun fact! The first time I heard them sing “We are the daughters of the silent generations” I died! But luckily I came back again and again and again.  

This is a song about the continuity of history. It asserts that women’s historical lives matter and that they continue to matter, long after they died. This is a song about legacy as well, the legacy of nameless women who worked to protect the ones they loved and make the world better. They don’t die by chance. They are all hunted down by political violence, by racism, by misogyny, for stepping outside their prescribed roles. But, as Yola (who btw fucking CRUSHES THE VOCALS ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????? HOLY SHIT MA’AM) sings as a murdered Freedom Rider, she’d take that ride again. And at the end of the song, she joins the chorus but does not disappear into it. Her voice rises up out of crowd. And the crowd calls itself “we”. These women are united but not subsumed into being One Woman. This is about Women. 

And then, outside the song itself, there’s the history of this song about history. It’s originally by Jimmy Webb and was covered by Glenn Campbell. This cover inspired the name of the supergroup that covered it, the group with Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Waylon Jennings, and my man Johnny Cash. And it’s like holy shit! What an amazing group to collaborate! Hot damn! 

Then, it’s 2019 and here’s The Highwomen with Brandi Carlile, Natalie Hemby, Maren Morris, and Amanda Shires. The name is obviously riffing on The Highwaymen. Shires set out to form the group in direct response to the lack of female country artists on the radio and at festivals. And they name themselves after a country supergroup, and they put out this song, a song connected to massive names in country music, and they center all of this on women and womanhood and the right of women to be counted in history and to make history and to talk about the ways we have mistreated and marginalized women, in a group that started because one woman was like hey! we’re mistreating and marginalizing women! 

I just think this is neat! I think there’s a lot here we could unpack! But this post is 100 times longer than I was planning and work starts in a bit so uh I’m gonna go get dressed and listen to The Highwomen on repeat for the next hour, “Heaven is a Honky Tonk” is another fucking bop that improves on the original, it would be dope if they’d collab with Rhiannon Giddens, okay byyyyyyyye 

[gayregis]

Do you have any thoughts on TWN using non polish actors to portray characters from polish fantasy book with dense polish culture and roots? And on how most of the cast apperereance are drastically different than in the books? Like Foltest, Renfri, Fringilla or Calanthe? (Sorry this is the correct one, i forgot to add Fringilla on my previous question.)

i feel like the witcher should not be handled by a large american company like netflix. it is clear that a lot of decisions were made to “dumb the series down” in a manner that would make it more of a pop culture phenomenon that could be used to profit off of from viewership, subscriptions, social buzz, and merchandise, instead of an opportunity to demonstrate actual artistry, storytelling, character depth, and poignant messages. the company that handles it CAN be american or another nationality besides polish, but it shouldn’t be a huge one focused on making as much money and social sharability as possible, that will ruin things. (i also feel like the witcher should not be a live-action adaptation, but this is kind of besides the point... to better gauge how i think the feel of a visual-audial witcher adaptation should look, my dream adaptation would be that of a more “adult version” (”adult” meaning in themes like war and despair) studio ghibli or laika).

in regards to casting, i feel like it’s fine to not use an all polish cast as long as they fit the character description in a way that is actually relevant to the plot. so many people in response to people of color being cast in the witcher were volalitely racist and demanded a “polish cast” - as if polish MUST = white. even though poland is not as ethically diverse as some other european countries, people of color do exist in poland, as they/we exist everywhere. if you want an “all-polish cast and production,” that’s fine to me, i don’t think it’s inherently necessary, but i think if one is doing so, that doesn’t mean that it would be wrong to cast actors of color in roles. 

i think the issue lies more with storytellng, for two reasons. one is that eastern european people involved on set seem to actually understand the witcher and what it’s about way better than any of the british cast, and by that i mean sakharov and baginski, who have demonstrated more understanding of like, the style of storytelling (not every scene needs to be jammed with action, drama, sex, gore), what the characters actually mean to each other, and the lore in general. this makes sense because i have read some articles and such before about how the witcher was and is important to its fans in poland and eastern europe because very little “slavic fantasy” ever gets exported and represented internationally, and of course sapkowski involved many cultural references in the series, so it’s recognizable to people from those regions (or are diaspora from those regions) who grew up hearing these fairytales, etc. it’s more of a meaningful callback and less of a “foreign curiosity,” if that makes sense. so for those reasons, i think it’s important to have a majority polish and/or slavic writing room/directors/etc, people behind the story and how the story is told - but that doesn’t mean the writer’s room should be all white men, though. diversity in gender, race, etc should be considered.

the other reason is that the casting for the netflix is inaccurate, but not for reasons of race. the issue with anya chalotra as yennefer isn’t that she is indian, it’s that her hair is incredibly straight and flat and not like yennefer’s curly stormy hair at all, and that her face is so soft and childlike, she doesn’t look stern and cold like yennefer at all. there are many casting issues amongst the white members of cast, such as henry cavill, who doesn’t fit the description of geralt at all because geralt looks like he’s starved constantly, and joey batey, who ... well, dandelion is supposed to be blonde and curly long-haired... but of course, these are the appearances which don’t really “matter” in regards to the story. except i think geralt’s build, as well as yennefer and ciri’s proximity in age, which makes me nauseous to think about how they only have a 6 year age difference

one physical description which does actually matter to the plot/lore is that of calanthe, pavetta, and ciri, as they are a matrelineal line, but in netflix, they don’t look related at all. i saw so many people complaining that they should have chosen a white actress for calanthe, but why is she the problem? why not cast people of color for calanthe, pavetta, and ciri altogether? they should look related and have the ashen grey hair/green eyes, but that doesn’t mean they have to be white. it’s a similar issue with yennefer and fringilla. they are supposed to look similar, and i saw many people complaining that they chose mimi who is black to be fringilla, they are just using “they need to look similar” as an excuse to hide their racism and anti-blackness, because anya is more white-passing than mimi is. from my perspective, why not then cast a black actress who looks similar to mimi as yennefer, then? “they need to look similar” again does not mean “they need to all be white or white-passing.”

we should have cast actors that both fit the descriptions of the characters in the books AND are diverse, without it being “random diversity to appeal to a diverse audience.” lauren thought she was so clever by throwing the actors of color in the roles of background characters, stereotypes, forgettable and disposable aides to the white leads, or super evil villains... i see what you did... why not center actors of color in an actually proud and leading light, with lead roles, where the casting makes sense and isn’t there for tokenization that does nothing to empower people of color? actually incorporate people of color into your artistic projects in a way that respects them and makes sense and not just so you can get more views to make more money

other divergences from canon like foltest were just piss-poor and demonstrated the lack of understanding about the messages of the story. foltest was supposed to be handsome, elegant, and as a refined a king as any, to show how those in power are actually corrupt and as prone to disgusting acts as any other human being, that foltest is not a better man than geralt because he is beautiful and sits on a throne. by making him disgusting on the outside, they totally missed the point that he is supposed to mask his disgustingness on the inside with beauty on the outside. also i feel like (maybe related) twn really made a whole joke out of foltest and his relationship to his sister because in one of the flashbacks (in the sorcerer? gala? party?) foltest is shown as a kid with his sister and his mom grabs his arm or whatever and is like “foltest stop bothering your sister” as like some kind of fucking joke... literally they made a “funny ahaha incest joke” like seriously wtf. the story of the striga in particular should be taken seriously imo because of how rawly the tragedy is depicted... this is probably why it’s one of my least favorite short stories... its so sad and also incest disgusts me horribly

for renfri i feel like she was just sooooo ... more “likable” as a character, a lot like how yennefer’s character was changed. you feel feelings of pity and curiosity towards her rather than actually being intimidated by her. renfri in the books actually made me so mad because i think she represents something like what ciri goes through across the saga, just how when you have the choice on how to respond to your abuse, you can easily become consumed with revenge, and i think renfri made me think of myself in that way so i really disliked it when they changed this terrifying raw aspect of her anguish and hunger for retrubution that made her lose her humanity into like, more of a palatable manner of killing... it really was just “girl with sword” and it was so boring. the lesser evil literally makes my stomach turn and that’s why i only read the story like once as well...

also to return to fringilla, i liked mimi and i thought she should have been cast for yennefer instead maybe.... i just was really upset at how much they changed fringilla’s character in the writing to be a “generic evil villain” when in the series she actually is kind of unique in my opinion. she is like, not allied at all with the main characters, but ends up saving both yennefer and geralt’s lives. she’s not good or bad, she’s not super loyal to the empire but she is still nilfgaardian/beauclairoise, and she just exists as a character and that’s why i actually like her in the books (asides from all of the unnecessary library nonsense). i thought mimi could have handled that complex role really well but they totally took that away from her and just made her a flat boring forgettable “evil” character that does “forbidden black magic” and is super loyal to an empire that brought her purpose because yennefer was mean to her once or smth ig... yeah ok. also i fucking hate how they had cahir of all fucking people order her around. idk how old cahir is supposed to be in netflix because he’s obviously not like 16-20 as he would be in canon during this time period, but to have him be the boss of fringilla... that is dumb as hell. i just try and think about that ever occuring with books verse cahir and fringilla and i think she would smack him off of his horse and into the mud. she’d tell assire and assire would get mawr to drag him off by his ear as he tries not to cry.  also of course i hate cahir’s casting and the fact that they showed his face. why. it ruins like every message that his character had...

oh also because i HAVE to talk about it. i hate how they tried to make jaskier more masculine/boyish with not giving joey a wig or flamboyant setting-appropriate garb, i think they are allergic to men with long hair that’s not a grime, dirt-covered mess... literally just give half of the production wigs or better wigs i swear to god ... also like this is totally for another post but i don’t think making jaskier a flirt is inherently misogynistic like he acts in the books at times. like just write the misogynistic bits out and it’s fine... flirtatiousness is not evil when it’s consensual and appreciated ... i think they just really wanted geralt to be the one that gets large amounts of p*ssy because he’s muscular or w/e and jaskier became this sort of helpless annoying barnacle on his side instead of a real character and friend to him. and to bring this point back to the main point , i think character appearance really affects their characterization: jaskier in twn has short, boyish hair with no facial hair, which makes him look kind of juvenile, jaskier in the books has curly long hair with some light facial hair, which kind of brings up ehhh what would you call it... 70s casanova energies maybe, a man that puts oils in his hair and such, male thottery...

[eazirel]

Since it’s pride month, I wrote something about my life as an effeminate man in Nigeria.

One thing Africa, to narrow the milieu, Nigeria is good at is upholding customs even though they clearly are backwards, distasteful, not toeing in line with good conscience, nor an aid to the development of its state. One moment it is discerning morality from its laws and the next using it as bases to its laws and still at that, giving mawkish backups as to what they feel morality is. And every passing day, I wonder how it quests to develop when its laws are backdated and the minds of its people thickly benighted.

Some time ago, I read a story of a very young boy who was tortured to death for being effeminate; He was killed for his love for cosmetics and make up. Amongst other things, his story entails the inhumanity of people who are fanatical and undampened towards their belief of things they do not understand.

Growing up, I was taught to be ashamed of being effeminate or associating with effeminate men, to make conscious efforts in being more manly, that being effeminate emasculates a man and it is not acceptable in the African society, as a matter of fact, that it is ungodlike and morally villainous.

People made it a responsibility to call me by the way I walk, ’boy girl, see as he dey waka like woman, you be man so? Which was not a bother in my early childhood, but not until my teenage years when people with unsolicited opinions not only identified me with being effeminate, but also asked my parents why it was so. My mother always had one particular defense, I don’t know how it came about but whenever she said it, it got them speechless and the most of them wrecking with superficial and ungenuine laughter on their faces .

‘He grew up amongst women, he never had much memory with men.’ This is something I heard year in and out. In fact, it became a defense my siblings used too when confronted about me at school and gradually, I began to see my effeminacy as a malnormal.

I made conscious efforts at altering my truest form. I began to walk as though I was to follow two imaginary parallel lines, I made sure I used less of my hands in talking, and I always tried to never get my legs too close to themselves. I dreaded glossing my lips for it might seem to appear too much to those who cared. Basically, I tried to adjust the things people were concerned about the most.

Although it was always a great relief when boys said I was gradually beginning to act like one, this in its totality was a problem. I spent the most of my time thinking and rehearsing how to be more masculine and appealing to people, which was worth far more than good grades to me. In a quest to be more manly, I prayed, fasted and waited on God for yet ungiven reasons.

The first thing I noticed in a man was how manly he was, and how I could trade all I had to at the very least to just walk as he does without having to rehearse how to. Certainly because, it was so depressing how my pairs counted me as female and all everybody did was laugh at it. I felt like a joke, nobody ever saw the problem with that, it never appeared to be derogatory or abusive. It was rather amusing, something that triggered laughter.

While at high school, about a year before my final year, the press club had a task of running school news at the school assembly every Wednesday morning. School news told students of their obligations, and keeps track on the goings on at the school. It also publicized and extoled students who did exceptional things. I had never made the school news so when I got an opportunity to, I worked very hard to getting in for the best. There was an inter class debate which held at the school and I was the first speak of my class. I read wide and made sure I came up with good arguments. I tested my speed, made sure I was articulate enough, and that my grammar was in check. My class emerged winner and I, the best speaker. I was so happy because had won and the principles comment about it was, ‘you have a mind of a reader’, which meant a whole lot, and because I was going to make it to the school news. On the Wednesday morning, the club’s correspondent who read out the school news spoke about the interclass debate which held and mentioned me as a sharer, and as though his audience needed further description of me, he added, “also known as the best male cat walker in the school”. I am an early bird who was always at the fore of the assembly ground and as soon as he said what he said, it became a parade of laughter, and from where I was standing, it was easy to point me out to anybody who never knew me before then. This kept on for weeks until the whole school had its fill.

This worked negatively on my esteem. It felt like the only place I was truly valued was in mind. Just because I was effeminate. I began to question my goals and tried hard to change what truly I wanted to be. I wanted to be a lawyer and a writer-it’s a good thing that I am both now- but for the fear of public opinion, I began to consider a profession that would have me relate with people less. And no sooner than necessary, my effeminacy was associated with weakness and the conventional impairing gender roles ascribed to women. For instance, a girl can come top of her class overly, and by test of I.Q, be much more probable to become successful in life, but not until she controverts the code, the Nigerian civilization will stand by its view on gender inequality. And this is almost so for effeminate men. In Nigerian thinking, effeminate men can only love girly things, “they can’t love football, they are natural born domestics, they are as good as women in colors, they make good event planners and make-up artist, they don’t seem to make good lawyers nor engineers, they aren’t sound enough to be politicians” and it goes on and on.

I wasn’t taken as a complete man, neither was I as a woman, it was as though I had a different category, ‘a man, but not a real one.’ And for this aggravated may quest to lock myself out to avoid defamatory confrontations from people.

People are fast at pinpointing flaws or what they think is, for the same reasons they see your worst side as the real you. There is always a comparison of whose sin is greater; looking down on other people, seeking to feel better about themselves, and at its peak, for the thought that their opinions matter in every circumstance, down to other people’s personal decisions.

Effeminate people suffer a great deal in Nigeria; ranging from Social and emotional violence, to abuse by security officers. i.e. the defunct anti-robbery squad (SARS). Before October 20th, 2020, an unforgettable day of the massacre of innocent and promising people of Nigeria at Lekki toll gate Lagos, Nigeria, just because they wanted to be heard, BBC Nigeria reported stories from effeminate Nigerian men who were detained and battered for being human. There was also another account of a man who lost his brother to the same governmental agency for being effeminate, and nobody notices this inhumanity.

A single paper cannot do justice to all the inhumanity effeminate men endure in Nigeria and I may not know enough about being effeminate, and probably never will. But one certain thing is, effeminacy is not a decision. It is not something one wakes up to make every morning. I mean, at this stage of my life, I love myself but for the sole fact that we are social beings, I would have changed every morning and maybe have my real self as an alter ego. And neither does effeminacy come from un-association with men or over-relationship with women. men are born men; masculine or effeminate. Effeminate men have the exact capabilities as other humans with same tendencies to succeed. Effeminate men are all shades of beauty, you just need a little bit of soul to see it.

©Johnson Israel2021.

[phxntomx11]

Society is a Hypocrite

   ‘What does non-binary mean?’ Reading the sentence fear gripped their gut as they began to panic. One sentence and it felt like their world was beginning to crumble. To their family they presented as the sex they were born, to their close friends they were not so scared to hide who they knew they were. An individual who did not solely fit into what society deemed “male” and did not fit into what society deemed “female,” instead they existed somewhere in between. Their personality was more fluid, existing in the space of the two but without strong ties to one or the other. They were most comfortable as being the “in-between,” as being what many call non-binary.

   ‘What do you mean?’ The method was to play dumb, maybe it was just a mistake.

   ‘In your TikTok bio, it says non-binary. What does it mean?’ Now the panic was spiking and so was the feeling of lack of common sense. Their parent had just downloaded the app, of course they were gonna be a suggested friend. The scary thought of how apps could suggest them as a friend to a family member without looking one another up was pushed to the back of their mind as they tried to come up with what to say next. What to do next.

   Should they just make a new bio and pretend it never existed? That it never happened? Should they push their fear aside and explain what it meant? What felt like hours was only minutes as they weighed their options. Logically they knew that this scenario was better than what some others in their community had faced when “coming out” even with an accidental coming out.

   ‘Think of it like how everyone used to say I’m a tomboy.’ This was the best they could do with their anxiety bubbling in their stomach. ‘It's kind of like that, just a different way of saying it.’

   There was not a reply for a short time before they decided to just go for it. Rather than continue the conversation through text they were going to do their best to explain what the term meant to them through a phone call. It would be easier to discern the emotion from the other end, it would be easier to decide where their parent was with the new information.

   “Hi, sorry I thought it would just be easier to talk rather than text.” That wasn’t a lie but it certainly was not helping their anxiety any. Now they would be able to tell what their parent was going to think of them. “The way I interpret non-binary is the same as how I interpret being called a ‘tomboy.’”

   “Remember how I’ve mentioned that gender does not have to be based on sex, more so how someone feels they fit?”

   “Yeah.” Their parent’s tone was indifferent. “Does this mean you’re transgender?”

   “Not at least with how I use the term. To me, its just like I mentioned before about being a tomboy, but now the term non-binary is used.” There was a pause again as they tried to think of what to say next to avoid the rambling that was going to ensue. “Does that...does it make sense?”

   “I think I understand.” The tone was still neutral, but their anxiety was starting to ease. They knew both of their parents may not understand it completely. Their parents were still a little confused with the LGBTQ+ community with how the community had been shunned and criminalized when their parents were growing up. Nowadays it was more prevalent in news headlines, articles, and social media platforms. It was easier for people to ignore the LGBTQ+ community in the past and to sweep it under the rug.

   The conversation then changed to how their day went and how their classes were and while the anxiety was subsiding there was still that fear in the pit of their stomach. To their parents they presented in one way, it was easier to just be what their parents expected and nothing else. It avoided the awkward conversations and the possible ways their parents may look at them. They were not being truthful to themself, they knew that. But until they were ready, or thought their parents would be ready, they had deemed it best to wait. To keep their two identities separate. Their friends would know their preferred pronouns and their preferred name, whether abbreviated or a new one altogether, their parents would still just know them as the child they raised.

   They are too afraid to come out completely because they do not know how their parents would treat them. After this conversation they had changed their TikTok bio and went through their other social media to make sure the bios were blank there too. It was to sweep themself under the rug now too. To pretend it never happened and just carry on like normal. Eventually the conversation would be forgotten and the walking on eggshells would eventually end. But it wouldn’t completely. There was no saying if it would happen again and if it did how it would happen the next time. The fear had passed for the moment but the future could hold possible times again, and maybe not just to their parents but to their other family members as well.

   Not everyone was going to understand it the way they did. Some have been raised to be closed-minded in certain ways. For now they were going to be able to breath again. For now they would be more quiet when it came to certain topics, at least until the initial scare completely blew over. While they feared the outcome they were still aware of the fact that it played out much better than some other coming out stories they had heard. While it was only one parent that knew, it had been enough to scare them into thinking that this would be it. That they would either be rejected from the family or treated a different way, but the rejection did not come and the different treatment did not come either. They were fortunate.

   They were fortunate that their parent did not reject them or did not treat them differently. Some are lucky enough to have families that support one wholeheartedly. That no matter what their family would love and cherish them like a family should. That something like the way they identified would not change the way they were loved or cared for by their family. That something like gender identity would not drive a wedge between them and the people that raised them, that helped them become who they are. They were fortunate and they knew that. Not everyone would be met with what they were met with. The idea that their gender identity would make their family reject them had been driving their anxiety through the conversation. That just because they did not fit what so many deemed “normal” they could lose their family. They were lucky.

                                         --{}--

   Society is a hypocrisy. Bold words for a sentence that only has four, but think about it. From the moment someone is told the sex of their child, that identity becomes that child. From the moment the doctor identifies the sex that child is automatically viewed in a certain way. Pink for girls, dolls, dresses, small kitchen kits, princesses, and the pre-existing notion that this child will be kind and mature for their age. Blue for boys, trucks, baseballs, footballs, racecars, superheroes, and the already existing idea that this child will be into more “aggressive” things and is allowed to mature more slowly because “boys will be boys.” Society dictates that from the moment a child’s sex is revealed than their whole life could be planned out from that moment. A girl will always be referred to as a girl even when they are said to be mature for their age. A boy will be called a man the moment someone feels it necessary even if that child is still immature. Society tries to force people into boxes, but it is in the moment that an individual does not fit that society becomes a hypocrite.

   Gender is what society dictates. Gender is what society attempts to fit in little boxes with perfect bows and name tags for everyone. Gender is where society instructs that those who behave in this way are boys and those that behave in this way are girls. Growing up a girl can be called a “tomboy” because that child has personality characteristics that are deemed “masculine.” Growing up a girl can have more freedom in personality but society is at ease because it is probably just a phase that she will grow out of. Growing up a boy cannot have a doll because society deems it a “girl’s” toy, even though society also deems that this boy has children when he is older, that this boy will be responsible for another living individual but he cannot have access to the toys that may represent that future individual.

   Society lays out what it believes are personality traits for males or females, and for an individual however many boxes they have checked off dictates how society views them. This is where sex and gender are two different things. Sex is biological, and even then an argument could be made that it is still a social construct. Biologically speaking there are three main categories: male, female, and intersex. Gender is primarily a social construct, it is the small boxes that society tries to place everyone into with pretty bows and name tags. Gender can be anything. That child that is referred to as a “tomboy” can self identify as non-binary, as not fitting into a neat box because they check off traits from each category that society dictates.

   Society exists on the back of cisnormative ideals. Cisnormativity is the preconceived notion that everyone is only either male or female and that sex and gender is one. Cisnormativity dictates the idea of the binary, that there are only two options. If someone is cis then their gender identity agrees with the sex they were born. If someone is trans or not cis then their gender identity contradicts their deemed biological sex. We are human, we are not meant to fit into little boxes. Growing up we are told that we can be whatever we want, that we can be whoever we want. That growing up is when we find out who we are. But when one openly challenges and refuses to fit in a box, we no longer can be what we want to be, we can no longer be who we want to be all because we looked at what society assumed and decided we fit into something else.

   Society is a hypocrite on more than one account. Another account, the claim “it's to protect our children.” Some numbers to consider the next time you hear or say this phrase. The Trevor Project, a non-profit organization focused on preventing suicide in LGBTQ+ youth, conducts a national survey on LGBTQ+ youth every year. In 2020 the survey found that more than half of non-binary and transgender youth (52%) considered suicide and 21% had attempted suicide. The same 2020 study saw that 38% of transgender and non-binary youth experienced housing instability and of that 38%, 34% had attempted suicide.

   The topic of sex and gender comes with different opinions, understandings, and stories. Even now I probably lost a good chunk of you at the beginning of this, but if you made it this far then I hope you at least come away with a slightly more open mind. Transgender and non-binary individuals, as well as other LGBTQ+ youth, face discrimination and harassment daily. To be who they want to be, to be who they are most comfortable being, to be who they truly are can be a death sentence. We have to do better, every last one of us has to do better.

Important Information:

TrevorLifeline: 1-866-488-7386 

TrevorText: text START to 678-678 

Or go online at https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help-now/ to chat online

Reference

Paley, A. (2020). The Trevor Project National Survey 2020. The Trevor Project - Saving Young LGBTQ Lives. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2020/?section=Introduction.

[bearsfakedthemoonlanding]

Work Safety

It is very neat to feel safe at work.

[Content warning: mild transphobia, misunderstanding, and internalized transphobia. Mentions of the Supreme Court.]

Context: A little over a month ago, I moved from my hometown in the midwest to New Orleans, LA.  I knew I loved the city from past visits, but I didn’t actually know what I was getting into.  Two days into being here, I walked into a small grocery store and applied for a job.  I’ve been there now for three weeks.

There is a lesson here in allyship, and in living your truth loudly enough that other people grab your wavelength.  On my second day of training, I’d spent enough time with my coworker to figure he was safe.  He’s well over six feet tall, built like a mountain, hands big enough to grab whole sealed meats from the deli case one-handed without dropping them.  He’s also incredibly friendly, very outgoing, and he has the voice. 

When I told him my pronouns, he jumped right on it and asked if it was okay to spread the word around.  I agreed.  I was excited by his support and help here (I’d gotten that sort of support from my college roommates, but never from anyone else, and I figured they were sort of a fluke in that regard.  The kind of perks you get from found family, not from strangers). 

But the next day I notice other people making the effort, stumbling occasionally, but correcting themselves.  Which has never happened before.

And a few days later, when someone messes up and doesn’t notice, I somehow find the guts to speak up.  They say something along the lines of “SHE’ll help you out--”  and I go to help, of course, but also chime in an audible, “THEY. But yes.” 

Anytime I corrected pronouns in front of my parents, my mother would roll her eyes and go off about how I was her little girl, and I can’t expect my family to just change their view of me like that, I can’t expect them to change their language, just let it go, they’re family.  I have an otherwise good relationship with my mother, so I never pushed too hard.  Besides brief rants from my father about “the way God made us” and “there’s only two genders” and “taking it out of God’s hands” I never heard much from him, but I knew his opinions.  My grandmother would claim support, but would also corner me to whisper about how “nobody ACTUALLY wants to be a woman, you just have to pretend,” and would go off on screaming homophobic rants when she was drunk.  Never told her I was a lesbian, or bisexual, or anything.  She’ll find out I’m trans when there’s no more hiding it.

So those were the responses I was used to.  At my last job, as a nurse’s aide in an old folks home, any mention of pronouns or corrections at all were met with a chuckled, “Oh right, my bad, of course,” but my coworkers were far too busy with other things to remember beyond the conversation.  The few who did would persistently get my pronouns wrong, saying things like, “Don’t call [Name] a girl, she’s a THEY.”  As if they were a noun all to itself, a new way of being a person.  Like how they used to say “she’s a he-she” “she’s a queer” “she’s a butch” turning something into a descriptor where it doesn’t belong, making you feel a bit... odd.  Even if queer or butch or they are ways you describe yourself, when someone takes your word and frames it that way around you, you still feel off. 

But that doesn’t happen here.  Coworkers here, even supervisors, say, “Right, I’m sorry,” and correct it.  Every time.  

I wasn’t expecting the chef I worked for to give two singular fucks about my pronouns, let alone about me.  I expected a chef to be like a nurse-- busy, superior, a bit callous and with a hundred more important things to care about than what I had to say.  I just wipe the butts/chop the vegetables/scrub the dishes.  Who cares what kind of gender-freak I am while I do it, so long as I get my job done.  Who cares what they call me.  They don’t owe me anything, right? 

But he’s gone out of his way to be careful about it.  Correcting pronouns, every time, and he’s told me twice now that he’s “really trying to pay attention to it, and to let other people know too” and he “doesn’t want to slip up.”  This is a mid-forties rocker dude who wears bandanas and cargo shorts and signs along badly to the Beasty Boys.  Past experience has taught me not to trust these men.  He’s changing his mind. 

And maybe I’m feeling a little burgeoned by the Supreme Court’s decision, even though I know it’s rather arbitrary.  A friend of mine has been working in the factories back home since he finished high school, and any time words gotten out that He’s not just a butch woman, he’s been out the door by the end of the week.  If they can’t fire you for being trans, they’ll come up with another excuse. 

Regardless, I’ve been feeling brave.  Maybe it’s the testosterone.  Maybe it’s the camaraderie.  Maybe it’s my girlfriend’s support, or the Supreme Court, or the uprisings, or nine hundred miles between me and my parents--

But yesterday, when a coworker slipped up with the “he/she/they” situation for at least the fifth time that day, I laughed loudly and yelled, “She?  Just you wait till I grow a beard, then you’ll stop with this SHE business!” 

And they laughed.  And the chef added, “Yeah, or the voice drop,” because I’ve mentioned it several times before.  I’m just so excited for these new changes, excited to be put together correctly, excited for less people to fuck up about me.  And I don’t want to drive my girlfriend crazy talking about it, so I gush at my coworkers, explaining the voice drop, the facial hair (maybe), the masculinization, the fact that a lot of things will be underway at the five month mark, which is conveniently right in time for Christmas (God help us). 

What I’m saying here is that things are good, and this city is good.  I didn’t think it would make such a difference.  I spent so much time around people who thought I was some sort of defect or odd-ball or attention seeker that I started to believe them, and to be treated like a normal person?  To say something and have people listen?  To be given respect? 

I almost can’t believe it’s possible.

[retrauxpunk]

thoughts on cardigan/august/betty

AKA the songs that taylor swift herself referred to as the teenage love triangle. the whole album is packed with excellent lyrics dense with meaning but this trio in particular is a great narrative and i wanna talk about it.

okay so imo there are two main ways to interpret this love triangle: 1) the standard f/m way, and 2) the sapphic way.

i’ll refer to the three people as betty, james, and august. i know august isn’t necessarily the narrator of august’s name ... but it works as a name and it’s a pretty name and i like it so there.

interpretation 1: the standard f/m/f love triangle

betty is a girl and james is a boy. this is kind of the most obvious/easy interpretation, because james is typically a boy’s name. and skateboards (‘one time i was riding on my skateboard’) and levis (‘dancing in your levis’), while not unambiguously masculine by any means, kind of hint at a boy ... if taylor was trying to make it obvious that james is a girl, she could easily be more obvious by mentioning more typically/obviously feminine things.

betty and james are a couple. it went wrong at a school dance (‘your favourite song was playing / from the far side of the gym’). james either refused to go to the dance in the first place (but somewhat changed his mind and ended up arriving partway through it), or attended but was standoffish and reluctant to dance/hang out with betty (‘i was nowhere to be found / i hate the crowds’). maybe they were already having a rough patch and that’s also why he didn’t go to the dance.

betty is upset because obviously she wants her boyfriend to attend the dance with her and spend time with her and dance and all. but james doesn’t. so she dances with another boy (‘plus, i saw you dance with him’) because she’s lonely/upset and/or just wants to have fun at the school dance.

i’m imagining this other boy to be a friend of betty’s or maybe a romantic rival of james’s. maybe to betty he’s just a friend and she’s just trying to have fun at a dance after being ditched by james, or maybe betty views him as a potential romantic prospect and in a moment of weakness after being ditched at the dance by her boyfriend james, decides to dance with this other boy to feel better about herself ... maybe as a kind of petty revenge on james. who knows.

james sees betty dancing with the other boy and gets jealous and mad, interpreting this as something akin to cheating or at least some kind of betrayal. he leaves, and on his way home august pulls up in her car.

the line ‘a figment of my worst intentions’ suggest to me pretty strongly that james’s worst intentions at this moment are something like ‘i’m angry at betty for dancing with that other guy, i should get back at her by getting with another girl as revenge!’

and in this moment of weakness, august is there inviting him to go on a drive with her ... and he does. and this turns into a summer affair, where all through the month of august he basically ghosts/ignores betty and cheats on her a whole bunch with august.

i say cheating because of the line in august that goes ‘you were never mine to lose’ ... as in, she knows james isn’t her’s because he’s in a relationship with betty. august, as the ‘other woman’, has no claim on james. because he’s betty’s, not hers.

alternate version of this is that betty and james weren’t officially a couple, but rather ... they clearly were into each other romantically but hadn’t quite made it official yet, but then the drama at the school dance happens and james fucks off and has a summer fling with august. which isn’t exactly cheating per se because betty and james weren’t together but ... they both knew they liked each other so it’s still a big betrayal when james to suddenly get with august and spend summer with her instead.

that said, ‘i knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired’ suggests cheating to me ... the thrill of it being forbidden. (though arguably not-technically-cheating-but-ditching-your-love-for-someone-new could also be a thrill, just because it’s someone new...) 

betty hears rumours of james’s cheating/betrayal from inez and either breaks up with james (if they were together officially) or essentially cuts him off (if they weren’t). james has massive regrets and shows up at betty’s party to try and win her back.

interpretation 2: the sapphic love triangle

in terms of basic storyline, this interpretation is pretty much the same as the first one, in that james and betty were together in some way, then james ditches betty at a dance, she dances with a boy, james gets mad and in a fit of spite/vengeance gets with august and has a thing with her all summer long (possibly cheating, possibly not-technically-cheating-but-still-betrayal-of-a-sort) ... so i won’t rehash it further ... BUT in this version james is a girl.

cases in favour of james being a girl: 1) taylor swift, a woman, sings the song. makes sense that the narrator is therefore also female. 2) james and inez are the names of blake lively’s daughters. seems like a hint that james is a girl, then. 3) there’s actually nothing explicitly gendered about james except for the name ... in which case see point 2). 4) riding a skateboard and wearing levi’s fits pretty well for a sapphic girl ... as does black lipstick and sweatshirts.

i think both explanations are pretty plausible and i enjoy both of them ... but the sapphic one a little more because, well, obvious reasons. it’s more interesting/original and adds some more meaning to some lyrics that wouldn’t punch as hard if it were m/f, such as ‘will you kiss me on the porch / in front of all your stupid friends?’ -- it takes on a new layer: judgemental/homophobic friends

also this tidbit doesn’t fit in neatly to this very rambly thing i just wrote but i wanna say, ‘a friend to all is a friend to none’ suggests to me that when james first got in august’s car, it was because james wanted to hang out in a platonic way (at least that’s what they tell themselves/betty) and then it turned romantic/sexual ... and it could also suggest that when betty first became aware of august, she knew/suspected that august had a thing for james but james told her ‘nah, august is just a friend, and i want to keep hanging out with her because i want to keep being friends with her’. 

anyway. just wanted to get that out there. 

these songs are excellent and the album is excellent.

[lastsonlost]

Editor’s note: The following was written by Ilan Srulovicz, the CEO and founder of Egard Watch Company, explaining why his company produced an ad to counter Gillette’s recent commercial on masculinity.

The story behind making the video is interesting. I made the ad completely alone. The voice in the video is mine and the editing is my own.

I was told by most people around me and in my company that making this video was a terrible idea and could not only hurt my brand but me personally as the CEO.

I used my personal funds on the video because I was worried about the backlash.

The main feedback was, 

“This will draw attention away from women’s issues,” 

“The political climate right now won’t support a film like this,” 

“Ask yourself why no other company is doing it,” etc.

I considered releasing it anonymously but after some thought, I realized an individual releasing the message wasn’t going to have the same impact as a company doing it. I decided to risk it and post the video

I think what put me over the top is a quote I heard that says all actions come out of either love or fear. Releasing it anonymously felt like fear. Putting my company on the line for a message I believe in felt like love.

I went with love.

I created the video for a few reasons. I believe the statistics in the video are widely ignored or dismissed. I have tried to bring light to them myself in the past and had a difficult time having them acknowledged as an issue.

The Gillette ad rubbed me the wrong way. I, like the overwhelming majority of men, am absolutely disgusted by sexual assault, rape, bullying, so why throw it in my face as if my “gender” as a whole is toxic? Using terms like “toxic masculinity” is using too broad a stroke to address specific issues — issues which I agree very much need to be addressed, especially after all the crazy stuff we’ve seen in Hollywood.

I am not against Gillette trying to start a conversation about assault, but I do have an issue with how they went about it.

Masculinity can be a beautiful thing, just like femininity. We need to start celebrating each other, NOT TEARING EACH OTHER DOWN.

NOT TEARING EACH OTHER DOWN

I also feel that suffering needs to stop being a competition. It shouldn’t be “women vs men.” There are areas where men have it terrible in society. It’s OK to look at those areas and acknowledge it, while also understanding that women have it terrible in other aspects of society. Neither one has to dismiss the other.

We are so polarized. It’s all about “taking sides.” I am guilty of it myself because it’s all we are fed all day long, but I don’t want to be a part of that anymore. None of us, no gender or race, has exclusivity on being terrible or wonderful. Individuality is the measure of a person, not the “identity” or “category” to which you belong.

I can’t blame Gillette for their ad because that message is the norm. It has become pervasive. I can even understand how they believed full well this ad was a great idea and would drive tons of sales. Maybe it will in the end with all the attention it received. We have become so obsessed with defining each other based on these factors that we no longer even communicate properly.

My belief is that if you want to “make men better,” as Gillette claims it wants to do, then the best way to do that is to show the best of us, not the worst. When I see a man risking his life running into a burning building, it makes me want to be better. When I see a father who will stand by his kids no matter what, it makes me want to be better. When I see a soldier putting everything on the line to preserve my freedom, I want to be better. That’s what a man is to me and they represent a far greater majority of men than what Gillette portrayed a man to be.

I don’t feel I want to be better when an ad starts off with “toxic masculinity” or a bunch of boys bullying each other and portraying men as caricatures of sexual deviants. I simply close off.

Call me triggered, say I “missed the point” but it was my visceral response to seeing it.

Lift me up if you want to see a change in me, don’t tear me down. These are the messages companies need to be showing and celebrating if they really care about change.

I really hope that the video I made gets to a point where it draws enough attention that larger companies start realizing there is a market in promoting positive messages for men.

I feel the same for women as well. I strongly believe that ads celebrating women and empowering women are both beautiful and necessary. It’s not just men who feel this way about what’s going on and many women have reached out to express the importance of positive messages for their kids, husbands, fathers, etc.

I wish the video I made was the norm from companies, not the exception.

Ilan Srulovicz is the CEO and founder of Egard Watch Company.

The views expressed in this opinion article are those of their author and are not necessarily either shared or endorsed by the owners of this website.

Can anybody tell me what did this guy say that was so terrifying that the Wall Street Journal felt the need to cover their ass this much?

[thatgaydemigodnerd]

A little bit of both pt 3

Tw: mentions of truscum

The final part of the series.

I wanted to post this sooner but I didn't manage to finish it untill today.

This is for week two of @fander-pride-meetup representation, although it's already in week three, I still wanted to post this.

This will have a happy ending, as it's the conclusion to the story.

Roman was non-binary.

Until they weren’t.

Or at least, that’s what they think?

Truth be told it still felt good to see themselves as feminine, but they couldn’t deny that there was an edge of masculinity in them. They were so confused as they screamed into their pillow.

Rolling onto their back and hugging their pillow they unplugged their phone from their charger and opened Google, typing 'both guy and girl' into the search bar. When that gave mainly stuff about intersex people they added gender to the end.

They scrolled though the various links, seeing some Tumblr stuff, they shuddered, they’d heard about Tumblr but they didn’t want to see any of it with their own two eyes. Their eyes found a link that seemed promising, when they clicked on it they saw a lost of words with definitions behind them, they started reading to see if there was anything.

That’s when they saw it, that word that explained it. Bigendered. Both male and female. Something just felt right about that. Roman finally felt like they knew what was going on with their gender.

Excitedly they texted Virgil

Non-binary royalty: dude I got something to tell you can I call you

Patches: Sure.

Roman smiled widely as they tapped on the call button, Virgil answered immediately.

“What’s up?”

“I figured out my gender! I think. I was thinking about how I still felt like a woman, but at the same time I also felt like a man, so I googled for both guy and girl, and I found out about bigendered. Both male and female, it just feels right.” Roman couldn’t suppress a smile as they said it.

“That’s great! I’m happy for you. Do I need to switch pronouns again?”

Roman paused, they hadn’t thought about that. He took a moment to try out different things. She thought back to when she identified as a trans woman, but then he remembered that he also never really felt bad. And he had started to miss it a little bit when they weren’t using it.

“Could you try mixing things up and using both he him and she her?” Roman asked unsure about himself.

“Sure, I’ll try to remember. I’d say the whole punching thing is still standing but I’m not sure when you’d actually punch me.”

“I’ll see about that, thanks anyways.”

Roman hang up with a smile, she really did feel good about this. She went through his contacts and tapped on Patton’s name, sending him a text.

Non-binary royalty: I think I finally figured out my gender

Non-binary royalty: I’m pretty sure I’m bigendered, both male and female

Non-binary royalty: please use both he/him and she/her for me

Roman put away his phone and laid back on her bed, waiting for Patton to respond.

Patton had done as he promised and had gotten better about the whole transgender thing. He had done research himself but had also just asked questions to Roman when he was confused about stuff. Roman had warned him about the misleading stuff posted by truscum and Patton listened, being critical of sources and what they say.

Roman checked her phone again to see Patton had responded.

Patdad: Okay kiddo :D

Roman was smiling at his phone as it buzzed from receiving a text message from Virgil, Roman quickly switched over to him.

Patches: Do you want to come over to celebrate?

Non-binary royalty: sure

Roman got up and walked over to Virgil’s place with a smile and a Happy spring in her step.

He arrived at the same time as Patton, waving at him, when Virgil opened the door.

The two walked in to see that Virgil had actually decorated the house as much as he could in fifteen minutes, there were some balloons laying on the floor or taped to the walls. There were bowls of chips and bottles of soda on the table, and Virgil had pulled out a few board games from his closet.

“You really didn���t have to put in all this effort.” Roman said as he looked around amazed.

“Sure I did, this is a great thing, also I still feel bad about how I used to treat you, so I’m making up for it.”

“At least someone is.” Roman said with a sigh.

“What do you mean kiddo?” Patton asked confused.

“It’s nice to have you two as my friends again but it just isn’t the same with Logan here, even if he is a truscum.”

“Yeah, but he can change that, you can’t change being trans, so until he decides to be better he’s out of the group.” Virgil shrugged.

“I do agree with Roman, it has been odd hanging out without Logan, maybe we should help him change so he can join us again?” Patton said hopefully.

“its hard arguing with someone who has set their mind on disagreeing with who you fundamentally are. And besides, arguing about being trans doesn’t noticeably impact him while it greatly affects me because it feels like a direct attack on me.” Roman said as she lowered his shoulders, seemingly tired from just thinking about it.

Patton put an arm around her shoulders and smiled. “We’ll be there to help you, we can back you up or take over if it’s too much for you.”

“Yeah, Logan is a man of science, if we find the proper sources he must see that he’s wrong and change his mind on the matter.” Virgil added.

Roman didn’t say anything as he thought it over, he did like the idea of having their friend group be complete again.

The three of them set out on the internet to find facts and sources, gathering them all in a word document, with short summaries and links, and then set out to write out the arguments. The celebration long forgotten.

Roman was feeling very nervous as Patton knocked on Logan’s door, the last time she saw him they didn’t part on good terms.

Virgil squeezed his arm and she looked at him, seeing him smiling reassuringly at her.

Logan opened the door and straightened his tie, his eyes going over the three people in front of him.

“For what reason may the three of you be gathered in front of my door. I was under the impression that you all were refusing to talk to me.”

“And do you know why?” Virgil asked him as he stared him in the eyes.

“Well, Roman stopped associating with me after I discovered he is not actually transgender and has merely been pretending to be so for attention. And both you and Patton stopped associating with me when you started associating with Roman again.”

“Now listen here yo-“ Roman began but Virgil grabbed her shoulder and shot him a warning look.

“That is actually why we are here, we wanted to talk to you about whether or not you can be trans without dysphoria.”

Logan sighed and stepped out of the way. “Very well, come inside.”

They all say down around Logan’s dinner table, Virgil pulled out his phone in which they’d written down their arguments. Patton started off from the top of his head. “Scientists agree that there is a difference between being transgender and having gender dysphoria, with gender dysphoria being categorized as a mental disability.”

Virgil picked up next “Furthermore, there are many people who experience gender euphoria but no gender dysphoria, this still makes them transgender.”

Roman took a deep breath and began talking next, she knew that he was with friends who would help him and support her, so she laid out his heart for Logan. “It just feels so right for me to be bigendered, and yes, I don’t have dysphoria, a part of me is a man which makes it so that I don’t mind my man body, but that doesn’t take away that I am part woman as well. I am transgender, no matter what you may think.” Roman didn’t dare look at Logan, looking instead at her hands or the wall or anywhere else, hut after he finished she finally looked into Logan’s eyes. Logan didn’t say anything, he seemed deep in thought.

“My sources say differently, my aunt is transgender herself and after she came out of the closet I interviewed her on all sorts of matters, mainly about being transgender. She explained to me that there are many people who say they are transgender but in fact are not, and are only pretending so for attention. Those people do not experience gender dysphoria and thus can not be transgender. I understand now that I should not have trusted her word without doing some research myself. I will come back to all of you at a later date. You have given me a lot to think about.”

Virgil was the first to stand up, followed by Roman herself. Patton looked at Logan for a bit longer but stood up as well and walked after the other two, closing the door behind him.

“That went so much better than I could have ever imagined.” Roman said as he let out a breath he had been holding.

“Logan has always been someone who doesn’t want to be wrong, and no matter how much he hated admitting he was wrong, he will change his ideas and views if you can present good arguments.” Patton said with a smile. “He’ll be our friend again soon enough.”

Logan one day had simply showed up at Romans house when Virgil was hanging out with her, had said only sorry, and sat down to join their conversation just like that. And Roman was happy with that, he was happy that their friend group was back together again. He knew they fully supported her and loved her, and he loved them back.

The end.

Taglist:

@geronimo-scamander-spd

@cataclysm-al

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Fruits Basket 2019 Episode 19: “I’m So Sorry!”

You know, considering how apprehensive I was going into this episode since I knew what it was going to cover, I gotta give them credit for how by the end of it I actually really liked the little things they did to flesh out this part of the story, even if they only had so much time to work with.

I think this is gonna be a divisive episode for a lot of reasons, including the fact that some manga fans might not like that they toned down the comedy [relatively speaking] and fleshed out the character interactions more, but one way or another I think they did a nice job with it.

Anyway, thoughts under the cut [and spoiler warning for the whole manga]

I didn’t expect this episode to give me a whole lot to talk about [in terms of positive stuff, at least] since Ritsu’s intro arc was always kinda short and simple, but they actually made a fair amount of edits to how the whole episode played out. It’s still the same length and covers the same basic plot beats, but with a different sort of execution compared to the manga.

Specifically this adapts chapters 44 and 45 of the manga, though technically Ritsu first appears at the very end of chapter 43. And there was a fair amount of stuff that was cut or replaced in this episode, mainly the couple of scenes with Yuki and Haru that were there to follow up on what happened in chapter 43. Since that hasn’t happened yet in the anime, obviously it had to be cut. I think we’ll be seeing that whole part of the story happen near the start of season 2 at this point, since they definitely don’t seem to be planning to introduce Rin in this season. So in that sense at least this episode played out similarly to how it did in the 2001 anime [where Ritsu’s intro was in episode 23]. But there was also a lot of stuff changed outside of that, which made this more of an entirely unique version of this part of the story.

Basically most of it boils down to how they edited the whole flow of events to give Mitsuru [and her interactions with Ritsu] way more screen-time and focus, which I think was exactly what this episode needed. In the manga their interaction in this whole part is literally just contained to one page worth of dialogue at the very end, and it only vaguely sets up the idea that they might have stuff in common. And for the record, at least in the manga, that’s also basically the only time they ever interact in the story to begin with. After this I don’t think we ever see them again at all outside of one bonus comic page that, at least in the collector’s edition, is compiled at the back of the final volume along with some other bonus material. Both Mitsuru and Ritsu kinda vanish from the manga after this point, and then right near the end we suddenly get told that they’re dating and it’s all just kinda weird and unexpected.

Maybe it’s just the writer in me who likes nerding out about this kinda stuff, but I thought it was really neat how elegantly they managed to incorporate Mitsuru into how almost all of this episode, and how they used some of the scenes from the manga that they cut as inspiration for the more original scenes here. Like how the scene with Ritsu freaking out about cereal and spilling milk everywhere got replaced with him spilling coffee on Shigure’s manuscript. I also liked how instead of having a scene near the end with Tohru and Ritsu talking in private, we got to see Ritsu and Mitsuru talking about the same sorta stuff.

The other really big change, which lead to how they could more or less cut out that one scene between Tohru and Ritsu, was how they heavily fleshed out the scene with Ritsu about to jump off Shigure’s roof by basically inserting his whole talk with Tohru into it, which I think worked surprisingly well. Some manga fans might dislike how it made the scene less comedy-focused, but I think it worked well. I did think it was kinda unintentionally funny how it reminded me that Tohru keeps finding new and exciting ways to fall off, or nearly fall off, dangerously high places, lmao.

I’ve seen some people say that it felt too over the top and melodramatic in a way that made Tohru feel too much like an unrealistically perfect therapist, but honestly that’s just kinda how this part of the story always felt. Tohru’s whole conversation with Ritsu about the meaning of life and whatnot always felt like the part where Tohru’s place in the story felt the most forced. But with the amount of characters the premise of this series demands introducing, it’s commendable that most of the parts where Tohru basically serves as the Soma family therapist don’t feel this way.

It probably doesn’t help that the reboot shuffled this around in the timeline so that it’s right in the middle of two other arcs about Tohru meeting a new Soma family member. This episode coming immediately after one as good as Kisa’s episode really set it up for failure in a lot of ways, lol. But ultimately I think it was a good idea to move this where they did. It makes sense that they’re trying to rearrange things so that all of the zodiac members except for Kureno and Rin get introduced before the end of season 1, and this is the best place in the season to put this episode. I think it at least works a lot better here than it did in the 2001 anime where it happened literally right before the Kyo arc, right near the end of the season, which was just a really awkward place to put it all around.

In terms of other stuff that got changed/removed from the manga, they cut out a whole bit with Hatori getting called over to bandage Tohru’s hand after Ritsu broke a cup and she ended up getting cut, though honestly I’d kinda forgotten about that whole scene so I didn’t even notice it was gone. And along those same lines, I guess they also cut out the minor detail of Ritsu spraining his ankle on the roof and it having to also get treated by Hatori, since they had Tohru have a much more dramatic fall on the roof instead.

Like I said, basically every single scene with Mitsuru was anime-original since in the manga she only really appeared in that final scene, and even that got fleshed out a fair bit in this episode, so that we actually got to see them becoming friends, and they both had the same sorta monologue to tie everything together. Which did a way better job than the manga ever did at setting up their relationship, lol. It’s still kinda forced, but it’s not the gaping void of nothingness that it was originally.

Another thing they changed, which I didn’t even notice until I checked the manga again afterward, was that Ritsu was wearing his kimono throughout this entire episode, whereas in the manga he switches to wearing a more masculine outfit immediately after Tohru finds out that he’s a guy. It honestly felt so natural to have him just keep wearing the same outfit the whole way through that I didn’t think anything of it.

Which finally gets us to the elephant in the room, the hornet’s nest, the can of worms, the grand king of controversy, that is Ritsu’s crossdressing.

I definitely think it felt a lot better in this version of events specifically because they at least let him still wear his kimono and his feminine hairstyle even after the ““““gender reveal twist”“““ without it being some sorta issue, but ultimately the way it’s handled still feels notably dated, and I definitely think there’s gonna be a lot of entirely new fans who immediately view him as being heavily trans-coded. Since he really is.

I feel like this should be fairly self-explanatory, but just to be completely clear, this isn’t a matter of “wearing feminine clothing must mean you’re a girl”. This is more specifically about how Ritsu’s crossdressing is framed completely differently to how characters like Momiji and Ayame crossdress. They just do it explicitly because they’re carefree and self-confident and don’t care what people think about them, and it’s not a particularly major or defining part of who they are as a character. But with Ritsu, it ultimately ends up being one of his defining points as a character if only because this is basically all we ever see of him, and the story goes to pretty great lengths to detail how his motivations for cross-dressing come from an entirely different sort of place. Instead of him doing it because he’s naturally confident enough to not care about societal judgment, he does it because it’s the only thing that *makes him* feel confident in himself at all. It’s shown as being pretty much the one and only thing that alleviates his crippling self-hatred. In particular I think the flashback to him trying on one of Kagura’s dresses as a child and having a moment of realization and euphoria really feels like a distinctly Trans Experience [tm] kinda thing. Not to mention the other flashbacks to how he felt ashamed of himself because his parents were constantly apologizing to other people because of how he is, which comes across even more strongly as being specifically tied to his gender expression since at least in the anime, he’s also wearing a dress in that flashback.

It’s also worth noting that in the manga they placed a fair bit of emphasis, especially in his big talk with Tohru, about how he basically ‘wants to pull himself together and stop needing to dress like a woman’, as if it’s some sort of emotional crutch he needs to move on from, and it seems like that basically got cut out. Which is for the better, I’d say. I’ve said before in relation to Momiji that I also disliked there how [in the long run] his own crossdressing is treated as something temporary that he’ll inevitably move on from, and it stuck out even more in the manga when we also got this whole part later which even more explicitly framed cross-dressing as a ‘phase’ that someone needed to move on from. I guess in a lot of ways it really says a lot about the subtly yet meaningfully different way Ritsu’s framed in the reboot, that he just continues wearing his kimono throughout the whole episode and nobody really talks about it after Tohru finds out he’s a guy. I much prefer this more neutral framing of ‘this is just how he dresses and that’s cool’ more than ‘this is something he needs to stop doing in order to grow up’.

It all still feels a little bit outdated even in this version of the story, but I think it would have been even more noticeably outdated and uncomfortable if they had kept all of that stuff from the manga too. So I’m glad they cut it out. They did technically add an original bit near the end with Mitsuru realizing that Ritsu isn’t actually a woman, but I think that was handled perfectly well. Her reaction was basically just ‘oh I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have made assumptions like that’, and him freaking out about it was basically just treated as him getting unnecessarily apologetic for something that isn’t a problem at all. Interestingly enough, I think that little scene between them was at least vaguely inspired by that aforementioned bonus comic page about them.

It’s obvious that it’s not like the reboot’s gonna retcon it so that he’s trans now, but I much prefer this take on his crossdressing compared to the manga.

I’m kinda curious to see if they’re going to do more with him as a character after this in the reboot, since Takaya’s said before that his lack of screen-time and importance is one of her big regrets. Though it’s honestly kinda hard to think of where they could even fit him in, aside from maybe the summer vacation arc. Ultimately he kinda suffers from not really being connected to any of the other zodiac characters, which makes him the odd one out who’s difficult to insert into scenes. I think they could probably at least do something with his apparent friendship with Kagura, though, since that never really got elaborated on in the manga.

I’ve always wondered if him getting sidelined after his intro arc in the manga had anything to do with the fact that his arc was the exact point where Takaya’s hand injury caused the series to go on hiatus. It’s not like we’ll ever know one way or another, but I wonder if the fact that his introduction happened to coincide with such a stressful and draining part of her life made her want to basically ignore him as a character afterward to try and forget about all of that. But who knows.

I do have a feeling that the fact that they edited and fleshed out this episode a fair bit compared to the manga might be because Takaya wasn’t happy with what she did with this arc originally, which probably had a lot to do with her hand issues. It might have lead to her not being able to put as much care and thought into this arc in the manga as she would have liked, so she might have even given the anime staff some pointers on how she wanted it to be improved.

Anyway, that’s a lot more than I expected to say about this episode, lmao. All in all I liked it way more than I expected, and I hope they can find some sorta way to give Ritsu more screen-time than he got in the manga.

And as we basically all knew would happen, it looks like next week’s episode will be Hiro’s introduction. I’m kinda curious to see how that goes, since Hiro’s the sorta character who I think is well written for who he’s meant to be, but it doesn’t stop me from kinda hating him as a person, lmao. At least to the extent that you can hate a preteen kid for being annoying and bratty.