#why am I so stuck on the ideas of certain people who will never be the way that they were when I actually knew them

[subbmissivesuccubus]

No secrets around here ~

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Thank you all so much for 1K followers <3 <3 <3 I am undeserving but very appreciative. I am working on Bully Part 3 but please have this one shot as a token of my love.

It's a story suggested by my patron! If you'd like to suggest prompts for me to write, please consider checking out my patreon (link in bio) <3

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Summary : Satoru and Suguru find out that their sweet, seemingly innocent girlfriend writes smutty fanfiction. They decide to make her fantasies come true while also making sure to teach her that keeping secrets from them have consequences <3

Contains : Fem reader. Established relationship. Degradation. Threesome M/M/F. Gojo and Geto being mean but with love. A bit meta.

“Dude- Suguru- SUGURU!”

“Stop yelling, Satoru.” The raven-haired man whined, rubbing a hand over his face as he was barely awake, “You better be dying if you’re calling me at 3 in the morning.”

“Oh, trust me, you’ll wanna hear what I say.”

“Get to the point.”

“Ok, so you know how every time we visit our cutie, she’s super protective of her phone?”

“…Yeah.”

“And how she immediately shuts her laptop close if we walk in?”

“…Yeah.”

“I found out why. I just sent you a link.”

Satoru hung up and Suguru groaned, looking his phone annoyance before the ding of a message received rang out. He raised an eyebrow as he read the message, the link opening upto a website called…tumblr? He was aware of the site but it never interested him enough to truly put any effort into finding out more about it. He also knew of the concept of fanfiction (thanks to a certain someone) and knew that Tumblr had a lot of creators posting their fanmade content.

But he had no idea it was…something like this.

Reader is being a brat and gets put in her place – Fem Reader X Demon Slayer men.

Where the men of One-Piece love to cum <3

Dick headcannons, a.k.a. who among the Honkai men are packing~

Suguru scoffed as he scrolled down the posts, surprised at how lewd this author was. Their writing was filthy and degenerate yet written fairly well. If he wasn’t so sleepy, Suguru was sure he could jerk off to a story or two. The comments under the posts were just as feral, people going crazy over the fanfictions, often proclaiming their desire to be with these…fictional men? He didn’t quite understand it but who was he to judge.

He paused as he read the title of a post, letting out a hum as the title hit a bit close to home.

Reader gets pounded roughly by her two boyfriends.

It was a post with thousands of notes which got Suguru curious. He clicked on the tag labelled #two boyfriends and was surprised to see several stories written by the author of the reader having two lovers and their sexual escapades together:

Reader gets both her holes stuffed with cock. Or the two boyfriends compete to see who can get her to squirt first. Reader is spanked silly and can’t sit properly for days. As punishment, the two boyfriends overstimulate the reader for hours, making her cum over and over again even as she begged them to stop.

The list went on and on and on, making the blood rush to Suguru’s cheeks at how raw and filthy and…desperate these fanfictions were.

His phone dinged, a message from Satoru which reminded the black-haired man of how he wound up here to begin with. So there are some smutty fiction online, but what does it have to do with you? He could only come up with one conclusion but…that couldn’t be it. Right?

Satoru <3 : Did you see all the two boyfriends fics?

Me : Yeah. You’re not saying that…she wrote all of this, are you?

Suguru waited with bated breath as the three dots danced on his screen, Satoru typing out the answer. You were someone who refused to even curse in daily conversation! There was no way… He choked as he got a response, Satoru simply saying:

What do you say we show our baby how much better her real boyfriends are?

~~~~~

“Boys!” you whined as Suguru and Satoru stuck close to you, one on either side, “I’m trying to cook here!” “We’re not stopping you!” Satoru said with a pout as he placed his cheek on top of your hair, “We just wanna be close to our baby. Is that so bad?” “Exactly.” Suguru purred as a hand came up to wrap around your waist, pressing himself close to you, “Is loving you such a crime?”

You rolled your eyes at their theatrics. One thing worse than having one dramatic boyfriend would be having two. Not that you were complaining, of course. How on Earth could you be upset over having the two most powerful sorcerers be your lovers? It sometimes felt like a dream- that these two had fallen in love with you and were over by your place for a domestic night of homecooked food and movies. They were more clingy than usual, a hand or lips always on your body at all times. You caught them exchanging glances with each other once in awhile but you simply ignored it. It wasn’t the first time your men had this telepathic communication going on between them. As long as they weren’t planning on pranking you, you decided to simply focus on the meal you were cooking.

“So, babe,” Satoru purred as he placed a kiss to the crown of your head, “You’re on Tumblr a lot, right?”

You scoffed, “You know I am. Why’d you ask? You finally wanna join?”

“I sure do!” he responded, “And if you had told me about all the porn that was on that website, I would have joined sooner.”

“Porn?” you repeated, confused, “What are you talking about? It doesn’t allow-”

“All of that smutty fanfiction- I was up all night reading them!”

You froze, hoping that the two of them didn’t notice. “Oh, uh, yeah there’s a lot of that.”

“And, you know, we found this…writer.” Suguru said, his voice dripping like honey as his hand ran up and down your waist, “Who writes the most…filthy things. Degradation, spankings, brat taming, not to mention threesomes between two men and a woman. Kind of similar to us, right?”

You gulped, trying to focus on your food even though your mind was running a mile. Did they know? How did they find out? You were so careful of your things! You always made sure to have an eye on your phone and laptop so how did they…

“Well, only the threesome parts.” Satoru said, “We’re not nearly as kinky as the people in those stories. We could be, of course, but we wouldn’t want to scare our baby with how…intense we can be, right?”

“Of course.” Suguru purred, leaning forward to kiss your temple, his lips soft against your skin, “Our sweet princess is so innocent and vanilla. How on Earth can we treat her like the girls in those smutty, dirty stories? We have to make love to her like the Queen she is. There’s no way our baby would like to be punished or have her pussy filled until she’s bred.”

“Exactly.” Satoru said, noting the way your breathing was quickening, smiling as he saw your ears turn red, “Unless…there’s something she’s not telling us.” You gasped as his hand trailed down your back, making you shiver before it landed on your ass. You mewled as he grabbed a cheek harshly, his fingers digging into your plush skin, both of them so close to you that you could feel their hot breath against your burning face.

“So, sweetheart.” Suguru said, a twinkle in his eye as he turned off the heat of the stove, gently taking your utensils out of your hands, “Anything you’d like to share?”

You gulped, Satoru squeezing you greedily and making it difficult for you to form sentences, “H-How did you find out?”

“Well, I might have peeked at your phone when you left it unlocked yesterday.” Satoru confessed, “I wasn’t planning on looking but when I saw the notification of someone begging you to write more of your threesome content, well, curiosity got the better of me.”

“Our baby has such naughty fantasies,” Suguru said, not giving you a chance to respond “But she kept it all to herself like a bad little girl. Why didn’t you tell us?” he leaned down to nibble at your ear, loving the cute yelp you let out, “Did you think we’d judge you?”

“I- I don’t know…” you mumbled, face so red it felt like steam was coming out your ears, “It’s…embarrassing- ah!” Suguru moved downwards and kissed your neck, his teeth digging into the sensitive patch of your skin, making you cry out loud. Satoru pouted before he let go of your ass, only to swing his hand down and give your butt a sharp slap, making you yell loudly.

“We could have been fucking you like the dirty slut you are, but instead, we held ourselves back because we didn’t want to scare you off.” Satoru growled, his hand making its way to your hair, grabbing a handful before he pulled harshly. You gasped as your head was tossed back, your boyfriends face looking down on you as his grip on your hair continued to be tight and unforgiving.

“Every time we fuck you- we’ve wanted to go wild.” Suguru confessed, his large hand slipping into your shirt, making you shiver as he touched your bare skin, “So next time, just be honest and save us the trouble, hmm?”

“You’re going to make it up to us.” Satoru said, leaning down to kiss your lips, a quick peck before he pulled away, a dark look in his eyes, “Get ready. We’re making those fantasies come true.”

~~~~~

Your hands trembled, instinctively tugging at the handcuffs that held you tight against the headboard. The cool metal dug into your skin, showing no signs of letting up. Hands handcuffed above your bed, naked as the day you were born, you were at the mercy of your two men and they made sure of that.

Suguru giggled at your cute little yelp as he increased the speed of the vibrator, his grip of the wand tightening before he pressed it down harder on your clit. You screamed around Satoru’s cock, the man’s dick shoved down your throat, making you gag. He was practically straddling your head, knees on either side of your shoulders while Suguru sat between your spread legs, their eyes greedily taking in your nakedness.

“Yeah? You like that?” Satoru asked, looking down at you with a teasing grin on his face, sweat dripping down his brow. He was naked, veins throbbing in his arms as he gripped onto the headboard tightly, rolling his hips into your face, groaning at the sensation of you trying your best to take his fat dick. “You like that vibrator on your slutty little pussy, don’t you? Hmm? Like having my cock down your throat?” he asked, pausing his thrusting for a second to fully press his cock deep inside you, laughing as he felt you gag loudly around him.

“Oh, she loves it~” Suguru purred, dick aching in his boxers (wearing nothing but his underwear) as he ground the wand vibrator against you, mercilessly attacking your clit, “Her cunt is dripping~”

“Poor baby~ You must be so pent up since we’ve been making love to you like you were a princess. Guess we have to fuck you like a whore, hmm?” Satoru asked, biting his lower lip as he started thrusting into your mouth again. His muscles tensed, tossing his head back to moan as your sweet little tongue lapped at the underside of his cock, his heavy balls pressing against your chin every time he thrust.

“Stay. Still.” Suguru said with a click of his tongue as one arm gripped onto your knee tightly, the other still torturing you with the vibrator, “Keep moving your legs like that and I’ll punish you.”

You whined, your sounds taken by Satoru’s member, your body getting overstimulated. With a fat cock down your throat and Suguru playing with your pussy, you couldn’t help but start trembling, trying to push your legs together to give yourself a break from the onslaught on your cunt- but Suguru was having none of that.

He ignored your yelp as he pulled the vibrator away, taking away your pleasure so suddenly. But you barely had time to process that as he raised his hand and brought it down on your pussy, giving it a harsh, tight slap. You screamed from the pain, the vibrations of your mouth making Satoru moan as Suguru started spanking your pussy again and again. Slap after slap rained down on your cunt, the raven-haired man holding one leg tightly by the ankle while pushing away the other with his knee, truly keeping you spread as he spanked your pussy.

Your whole body writhed from the pain, the stinging sensation of Suguru marking your puffy pussy lips red. Your hands struggled against the handcuffs even more, your torso tossing and turning, Satoru giving you some mercy as he gently pulled his cock out of your mouth.

“Sorry! Fuck- I’m sorry- I’m sorry!” you pleaded through your gasps and coughs, and crying as Suguru slapped your cunt so hard it made you dizzy for a second, “Please- no more!”.

“No more what?”

“No more spankings- P-Please! Please don’t s-spank my p-pussy!” you begged, ears turning red from the embarrassment. You heard Satoru giggle above you, the man clearly more sadistic than you ever imagined as he tugged at his member, enjoying the scene of his best friend breaking you down perfectly. Even him touching himself right in front of you was torturous, your eyes homing in on the precum dripping out of his red tip, his cock covered in your saliva.

“I thought you liked it, baby.” Suguru said, taking some mercy on you as he gently rubbed your cunt, easing some of the burn, “Your characters get their pussy’s spanked so often. Don’t you feel bad for them if it hurts so much?”

“I didn’t- I didn’t know.” You sobbed, “It hurts- fuck- but it hurts so good!”

“Fuuuck Baby!” Satoru groaned, gripping the base of his cock tightly, his face red and excited, “Almost came from that~ I love seeing you look so pathetic for us.”

You whimpered, turning your face to feel Satoru’s warmth as he gently wiped a tear away from your eye. Suguru chuckled, leaning down to place a kiss to your cunt, your skin hot against his lips. Your back arched as he ran his tongue up your pussy, the man groaning as he tasted your slick, drinking you down like a drug.

“Oh~ I want a taste of that pussy too~” Satoru purred before he changed his position. Your eyes widened as he turned around, adjusting himself so his cock was once again over your face only now, he was facing your pussy in a classic 69. “Open up, princess.” He said, smirking as he pushed his cock into your mouth just as you opened your lips, “Suck my cock while we- oh yeah- play with this pussy~”

Satoru grabbed the back of your thighs, holding onto you tightly as he dipped his head between your legs, Suguru moving out of the way so his friend could mouth at your pussy. You squealed around his cock, the man already starting to thrust as he wrapped his lips around your clit before he sucked harshly. “Mmmph- fuck yes~” he moaned, lightly picking up the pace as he once again started fucking your throat, “This pussy is so fucking tasty~”

He opened his mouth wide and started flicking his tongue on your clit, letting out a lewd sound as he tortured your sensitive bud with his tongue. Not one to sit idly by, Suguru allowed his friend to tongue your cunt while he gently slid a finger inside you.

“Look at that. My finger went in so easily, baby.” Suguru said as he gently thrust the finger in and out of you, “This isn’t enough for you, is it?”

You whined around Satoru’s cock, unable to respond. But they understood. Suguru slid a second finger inside you, the slick sound of your cunt parting for him echoing through the air lewdly. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as he curled his fingers inside you just right, pussy gushing from the sensation. Satoru was still licking at your clit, giving your bud the occasional nibble to keep you on edge.

“Oh, you like that, don’t you?” Suguru asked as he watched Satoru lick you up, his own fingers drenched, your juices dripping down, “Cock in your mouth as we play with your pussy like you’re our little toy~ Our sweet little fuck toy we can use?”

Your toes curled and your muscles tensed, opening your throat up as much as possible as Satoru mercilessly face fucked you, his balls slapping against you as he chased his pleasure. The metal of the handcuffs dug into your skin, your fingers clenching around nothing as you were driven closer and closer to your orgasm.

You were so close you could taste it, your mind descending into nothing but pleasure, the two men perfectly breaking you down into the slut they know you are. You fantasised about them as you wrote your fanfiction and for it to actually be coming true- you didn’t know how to handle it.

You were so close- so close! Your body tightened and your pussy clenched around Suguru’s fingers, the familiar sensation of an orgasm making itself known. You already knew this would be one of the strongest climaxes you’d experience and it almost scared you. But you were ready. You wanted this. You needed this. You needed them!

Your moans picked up the pace, getting louder and louder around Satoru’s cock, still obediently sucking him off as your body trembled. You were gonna cum! Cumming- cumming-

Only for them to stop.

You let out a scream as Satoru pulled his cock out of your mouth, both of them able to hear your shouts. You arched off the bed, your body trembling from the sudden absence of pleasure, your legs kicking at the mattress like a toddler as you writhed on the bed.

“Why? Why- I was so close- so close!” you sobbed, tugging at the handcuffs in a desperate attempt to touch yourself, only for it to be futile.

“Aww, poor princess.” Satoru cooed, kneeling over you still, his cock dripping your saliva back onto his face lewdly, “did you really think it would be that easy?”

“We’re going to edge you all night.” Suguru said, finally undoing his boxers before pushing it off, getting completely naked, “It’s your punishment for keeping your sluttiness a secret from us.”

You could barely muster up a protest as you were distracted by Suguru’s cock. His cock was just as beautiful as Satoru’s- long, thick and oh so delicious. He took your breath away everytime he got inside you, his skills rendering you a whining mess.

“If you try and cum without us knowing,” Suguru said, knowing your body like the back of your hand and well aware that you were close to your orgasm, “You’re going to be in a world of pain. Now come on. Beg for it.” He started teasingly slapping your pussy with his member, each strike making you twitch, “You know how to beg, right? Your characters beg so sweetly in your stories- I’m sure you can do it too~”

You gulped, mouth drooling and pussy trembling, their hard cocks right in front of you but refusing to get inside you. “P-Please.” You pleaded, feeling a rush of shame overcome you by uttering the word. “Do better than that.” Suguru said, his hand now on his member and lightly stroking it, showing you what you were missing out on. “I- Fuck- I need you! Both of you!” you said desperately. “Keep going~” Satoru purred, his tip just a hairs breath away from your lips, also close to orgasm, “what do you need?” “I need- fuck- I need your c-cocks!” you begged, tears in your eyes as you shamelessly conveyed your desires, “I need you inside me- I need you to fuck me!” “Good girl.” Suguru said, groaning as he finally- finally- started to push inside you, “And remember. No cumming.”

You tossed your head back, eyes rolling to the back of your head as Suguru started spreading you apart, inch after inch burying into your sopping cunt. It was a delicious sensation, his cock stretching you out wonderfully, his thick cock giving you a nice burn. Suguru hissed as his dick was enveloped in your tight wetness, the texture of your pussy walls hugging it perfectly. His balls clenched and he knew he wouldn’t last long- the feeling of finally being able to treat you like the kinky slut you were driving him to the edge. They don’t call him a pleasure dom for nothing.

Without even saying anything, Satoru took advantage of your open mouth to jam his dick back inside your mouth, laughing at the surprised yelp and loud gag you let out. “I’m close baby~” he moaned as he was surrounded by your addicting heat again, “Make sure you drink it all when I cum down this slutty mouth pussy~”

They both started to fuck you mercilessly at once. And all you could do was lie there and take it. Suguru made you wrap your legs against his waist, leaning into you as he started pounding your cunt, balls slapping against you each time he thrust into you. Your pussy was so wet and hot- the sensation like a drug as he pounded you, his cock slamming against your cervix with each thrust.

“Fuck- I love this fucking pussy!” he groaned, tossing his head back as he mercilessly pounded you, chasing his pleasure, “So perfect for us- so greedy and desperate- want to fucking ruin you!”

“Mmm~ I can’t wait to fuck this slutty cunt~” Satoru said between moans, fucking down on your mouth as a hand came up to spread apart your pussy lips, giving him a perfect view of Suguru fucking your hole. “Pass me the vibrator, will you?”

You yelped, knowing exactly what he had planned as Satoru got a hold of the vibrator, switched it on before he placed it against your clit. You screamed around his cock, body thrashing at the overstimulation. The toy rubbed against your clit, the speed on the highest setting, making your vision blurry as he assaulted your sensitive bud.

“Fuck- oh yeah- that’s fucking great!” Suguru moaned, the vibration of the toy giving him added pleasure as well, “she tightened around me so much- fuck- slutty little pussy!”

You were in heaven and hell. The two men were using you in such a filthy fashion, making your body tremble from the intense pleasure. Suguru was fucking you so perfectly, his cock hitting your g-spot every time he thrust into you, your pleasure heightened by Satoru playing with your clit. He’d use the toy or sometimes even lean down to lick at your clit again, his hair brushing against Suguru’s abdomen every time he thrust forward. They were both so desperate and horny for you and it was amazing.

But, every time you were close, they’d stop.

You didn’t even need to say it- your moans and your body language was enough for them to know when you were about to cum and every time, without fail, they’d ruin your orgasm. Suguru would pull out and Satoru would stop playing with your clit, opting to slap your pussy and call it a ‘bad cunt’ as he took your climax away from you. Suguru once pinched your clit so harshly you swore you blacked out. Once they thought you weren’t going to cum, they’d get back into it.

“Oh baby!” Satoru moaned, finally reaching his climax. He forgoed the toy and instead focused on fucking your face, wanting to cum, “I’m close! Yes! Yes! Oh you naughty little minx! We’re going to have so much fucking fun with you!”

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you got pounded from both ends- your jaw beyond sore. With a few more thrusts, Satoru finally came. He tossed his head back and moaned loudly, his cock lodged as deep as it could go inside you. He started to cum down your throat, giving you no choice but to drink it all up. You could feel his balls clench against you as he came, his hot seed pouring down your throat, warming you up from the inside.

“Ohhh yesss!” Satoru moaned, his body shuddering as he gently thrust his hips, milking his balls of every drop, “That’s it- oh yes~ That’s a good slut~”

You gagged around him, struggling to breathe and to drink down his cum, happy to have given him pleasure but distracted by Suguru still pounding into you. You were waiting for Satoru to get off of you and give your jaw some peace but…

He once again got his face close to your pussy, resting his elbows on the mattress and his chin on his hands as he stared like a pervert as Suguru fucking your cunt.

“Enjoying the show?” Suguru asked with a laugh, his body running a bit hotter at Satoru staring.

“Mmhmm,” Satoru said with a smile before he addressed you, “Keep cockwarming me, baby. Get me hard again so I can fuck this pussy next~”

Oh. Oh God.

“Fuck- I’m close!” Suguru groaned through gritted teeth, “And she’s close too- I can feel it!”

“Yeah?” Satoru asked, rolling his hips in a circle as he leisurely enjoyed your mouth like it was a fleshlight, “Should we let her cum? She’s been such a good girl for us.”

You whined around him, feeling like this entire night was you whining, trying your best to beg around Satoru’s cock in your mouth. You could feel him grow harder inside you, the sadist loving the fact that he made you so pathetic.

“Nah.” Suguru said, sweating as he pounded you mercilessly, “Not yet.”

“You hear that, baby?” Satoru asked, “You better not cum~”

You sobbed, tears pouring down your cheeks as they decided to continue torturing you.

“You gonna cum inside her?” Satoru asked his friend, knowing him well enough to know he was about to cum. “Fuck- I want to so fucking badly but- I don’t think she deserves it yet!”  “Awww, the poor thing. She has such a huge breeding kink too!” “I know. Fuck- I’d love to dump inside this cunt and breed her but- fuck- I still think she needs to learn her lesson! Naughty little sluts who keep things from their boyfriends gets fucking punished! Oh fuck- yes- cumming- I’m cumming!”

With a shout, once again denying you your orgasm, Suguru quickly pulled out of you with the intention of finishing on you. “Fuck- Satoru!” Suguru moaned as the white haired man suddenly grabbed his member and started jerking him off. Satoru laughed at Suguru’s moans, his hand almost a blur as he jacked off his best friend, aiming the tip right at your pussy. In a matter of seconds, Suguru let out a loud moan as he came, tossing his head back as the pleasure hit him like a truck. He trembled as ropes and ropes of cum shot out of his cock, his balls clenching with each pump as he came all over your pussy. He stained your cunt white, making you whine as all of that cum wasn’t pumped inside you.

“Oh~ Look at all that cum on this pretty pussy~” Satoru moaned, letting go of Suguru to instead pet at your pussy, his fingers rubbing the cum into your skin before he collected a bit of it on his fingers to shove inside you. You gasped, body still on edge, your mind a mess of pleasure and humiliation as Satoru stuffed his friends cum into your pussy. He took some mercy on you and pulled his cock out of your mouth, enjoying your gasps and moans as you took in deep breaths, choking on your own spit as he got off of you.

“Please!” you begged, crying and you voice hoarse, “Please- Please let me cum! I need it! I’ll do anything!”

“Shhhh, relax, princess.” Suguru cooed as he and Satoru switched places, the white haired man settling between your legs with his cock hard once more, eager to fuck your cunt. You whimpered and cried as Suguru lied down next to you, his dick still hard and ready for more as he leaned down to kiss you, a sweet moment among all the depravity.

His hand gripped a breast, squeezing your boob as he kissed you, slipping his tongue into your mouth and making your body tingle from the sensation. He finally parted just as Satoru slipped his dick inside you, smiling as he watched your eyes water and your jaw drop from the sensation.

“Don’t start crying already, baby.” Suguru said, watching as your body started to bounce up and down from Satoru’s thrusts, Satoru immediately fucking you in a fast pace, “We’ve only just begun~”

[alexa-fika]

I don't know how but I had these ideas while working out

1- Rayleigh x winged!child!reader (w)

W gets sent back in time and meets his grandpa and Roger Pirates

2- sanji x ghost!child!reader

Okay so the reader is basically Danny phantom and he doesn't die (because he's already dead yohohoho sorry) and doesn't need to eat so a story about that idk

3-law x son!reader

Okay you wrote a story about laws son being able to see dead people so he gets kidnapped by Doffy and ghost Corazon trying to reassures him until his dad rescues him

🐼💕~

Adventures in the past ( Roger Pirates x gn!child! Reader)

A/N here we gooo, Im kinda meh on this one and I ‘ll be honest I din’t even noticed that it was a winged!reader request until I was done so I had to kinda mix it in? But regardless here we goo, I can’t tell you how many times I went back and rewrote it again and again cause I kept getting stuck 😩

Reader here is Replaced by Dokucha which means reader in Japanese

Dividers by @/saradika

Dokucha groans, wriggling their way out of the barrel they had found themselves in, looking around their surroundings, shaking their wings

“Grandpa is gonna be mad that I ruffled them again,” they mutter

They squeak as a knife flies past them, digging into the wooden walls behind them

They slowly turn around, staring at the entrance of what looked to be an office of sorts, spotting two kids, a red-head with a straw hat holding a sword menacingly and a blue-haired boy with a red nose, holding an array of small knives between his fingers

The two seemed to be young but still relatively older than they were

“Um… hi”

“Who is it, Shanks, Buggy?” a voice calls behind the two young boys

“Uh…” Shanks lowers his sword, staring at the scared child in front of them

“It’s a Bird-kid!” buggy, never one to be at a loss for words, exclaims

They stare at the man for a few seconds, their eyes glancing at the familiar marks on his chin and grin, flying towards the man and crashing into him

“Grandpa!”

The boys give the man a side eye from where they stand

“Don’t look at me like that. I don’t know this kid!” he exclaims, looking down at the child who was now holding onto him and hugging him

“Kid, I think you got the wrong person…”

“No! You are Grandpa Ray!”

“How do you know my name,” he says slowly, looking at the child hugging him

“Because you’re grandpa!” They cry

“How old do you think I am, kid.” he frowns at the child clinging to him

At those words, the child pauses, taking a closer look at the man before him; it was their grandfather, that was for certain; the scar and the markings were unmistakable, not to mention the powerful aura their grandfather carried.

But the closer Dokucha looked, the more they noticed something was not okay; the silver-white long hair was now short golden yellow locks. The markings that characterized him, although there, rather than framed by his beard they, were now inked on his chin, the beard nowhere to be seen. And his face that was before marked by time was now much younger

“Um, Granpa Ray…. This joke is not funny. Why do you look so different?” They said, poking the man’s cheek, trying to find their ‘disguise.’

“Wait, wait, you actually think I’m your grandpa?” he asked in disbelief

“Who put this idea in your head?” he asked before letting out a slight chuckle

“Shanks, Buggy, is this your doing?”

“Hah? I didn’t do anything!”

“Not me either.”

Dokucha turns their head at the mention of their names, glancing down at the two teens

“Uncle Shanks? Uncle Buggy?”

The two looked a bit surprised; how did this kid know their names

“Uh, yeah,” Shanks said nervously

“How do you know who we are?”

“Umm, what year is it?”

The two exchange glances before looking back at the little kid in front of them; it was an odd question

“It’s… 1486.” the teen with the hat said

“Uh oh”

The two look at each other again a, very concerned looks on their faces

“W-what do you mean, uh oh?”

“W-Well, Grandpa Ray said it was 1522.”

Dokucha now had found themselves on Crocus's lap, the latter performing a quick examination on the latest visitor of the Oro Jackson

“I'm okay, Uncle Crocus,” they said, inching back at the cold feeling of the stethoscope

���Are you sure?” He asks, repositioning the stethoscope

“Your wings seem fine, no broken feathers or anything embedded in them, no lacerations or damaged blood vessels.”

“No fever, Heartrate is good, breathing is good, the pulse is normal.. they’re good,” he said, giving the rest of the crew his approval as he put his tools away

“Yay! I'm free!” They said hoping off and flying off

“Not so fast, Sweet thing!” laughs Roger, effortlessly picking up Dokucha

“Awe”

“So, what brought you here?” Roger said while carrying Dokucha in his arms

“A barrel did,” Dokucha responded

“You got yourself trapped in a barrel?” Cuts in Buggy

“Yeah, I couldn’t get back out because of my wings.”

Shank lets out a slight snicker at that

“Hey! It’s not funny!” Dokucha exclaims with a pout

“It’s quite funny, you got yourself trapped in a barrel,” Shanks said, snickering harder

“Haha, yeah, it’s quite funny.” Buggy joins, laughing along with Shanks

“Fight me!” They said, lunging at them

Roger lets out a belly laugh, holding back Dokucha

“There, There”

“They’re being mean, Uncle Roger!”

“I think they’ve only teased you lightly; they haven’t really been mean per se,” he responded, patting Dokucha’s arm

“Your future self sure raised a wild one, Rayleigh.”

Rayleigh rolls his eyes, walking closer to his Captain and plucking Dokucha from his lap

“Grandpa Ray!”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re back to Grandpa Ray now?”

He chuckled, patting the kid on the head

“Grandpa Ray looked so handsome when he was young,” the child exclaimed, moving Rayleigh’s head around and inspecting the younger version

“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment now and an insult in the future…”

“Don’t worry, Grandpa Ray looks handsome as he is now, too; he got to be with grandma after all,” they said, giving the man a thumbs up

Rayleigh rolls his eyes at this

“You’re something else, kid

“Now-Grandpa Ray says the same!” They chirp

playing around with his sweatband

“I'm sure he does,” he stated, putting the sweatband over their wrist

Dokucha smiles at this, glancing at the new addition and, sliding down his arms and walking to the two teenagers

They observe them for a while until a pout comes on their face

Shanks just stares at the kids as they pout

“What? Is something wrong?” he asks

“I wish I had gone back farther… I'm still shorter than Uncle Shanks and Uncle Buggy.”

Shanks chuckles a little before giving a small pat on Dokucha’s head.

“It’s alright, kid. You’ll catch up to us soon.” Shanks’s voice is kind and reassuring

Buggy just giggles at the situation

“No, I won’t; when I'm as tall as you are now, you’ll be all grown up, just like you are in my time! And then I ‘ll still be smaller.”

“Why do you wanna be tall like us anyways?” asks Shanks with a raised eyebrow.

They shrug

“to make fun of you.”

Buggy lets out a hearty laugh

“That’s the most honest reason anyone could give.”

Shanks snorts at this and lets out a laugh of his own

“I know”

“You are something,” said Shanks

“A lil brat,” says Buggy

They gasp,

“Says the red nose!”

Buggy’s eyes light up with pure rage.

“What did you say, bird-brat?” he growls

They stick their tongue out of them and running of between Rayleigh and Roger, who just observed the situation amusedly

“Are you going to let a little kid get to you, Buggy?” Rayleigh chuckles with a raised brow as he watches Buggy’s rage get the best of him

“Dokucha!” He growls

“Come and get me then!”

Buggy shoots off like a bullet, lunging for the small child

“Come here Dokucha!”

The kid laughs and giggles as Buggy tries to snag them.

Roger chuckles at this scene, watching the two

“Dokucha!”

“Dokucha!”

Dokucha looks around as Buggy’s voice soon begins to shift, becoming echoey and distant, changing into two familiar voices

“Dokucha!”

Dokusha blinked their eyes open, looking around and finding themselves in their room, Their grandfather and grandmother glancing down at them

“Good morning,” smiles Shakky, puffing out a wisp of smoke

“Geez kid, that was one heavy dream you were having,” Laughs Rayleigh

“Grandma, Grandpa?”

“Look like you’re still half-asleep. I'm going to get breakfast going,” Shakky says as she leaves the room

“What did you dream about?” asks Rayleigh, lifting the child from the bed.

“…”

“Still asleep? Hmm? Say, Dokucha, when did you get that sweatband?”

“Huh.” they look down, confused, only to look at their wrist and spot the familiar red and white wristband, a grin growing on their face as they realize what it meant

“Someone gave it to me!”

“Huh... I used to have one just like it; it brings me back.”

“Hey, Grandpa?”

“Yeah?”

“You looked really handsome when young. I can see how you got with grandma.”

“Hah?!”

Here we go thoughts? It’s not kicking your legs type but hopefully you got a chuckle, I will start working on the other one’s now 👀

Taglist:

@imaginarydreams

@amethystviolin

@h0n3y-l3m0n05

[lowkeyremi]

Hello Maya! Before I start my request, I just wanna say, I love your writing!!! I've been reading your things for a few weeks now (I'm new to tumbler) and I'm hooked!!

Anywho- I was listening to "Enchanted" by Taylor Swift and it gave me the idea of fem!reader meeting Satoru at some big event for sorcerers and falling hopelessly in love with him

heyyyyyy thank you for reading my stuff and i'm really happy you made a request, i've been hoping someone would bc i want to write ideas other than my own. i'm not huge on taylor swift so i had to listen to this song lol its pretty good :) you ask and i shall provide!! also i'm sorry if this isn't what you had in mind :')

Enchanted S. Gojo x fem!reader

wc: 1.1k

content: fluff, meeting and getting together

The night hadn't been going so well. You spilled some of your drink on your dress. That was borrowed from your friend might you add. Three guys that showed any potential interest were already with someone and their dates angrily pulled them away from you.

There are whispers about the oh so famous Satoru Gojo, and how he's finally made an appearance with his long time friend Nanami.

You've heard plenty about him, he's the famous sorcerer from Jujutsu High that has six eyes. He can solve any problem and he's said to be very hot. Honestly you're kind of a hater, you think people are gassing him up for no reason.

You've never personally met him but his description makes it hard to miss him if you see him; white hair blue eyes, but he'll likely be wearing an eye mask.

A sigh escapes your lips as you walk toward the bar for another drink, you would have invited your best friend but she's not a sorcerer and would not get it at all. "Hi, sorry for being back so soon, but could I get a strawberry margarita?" The woman behind the bar nods.

Before she can walk off though, a silky, carefree voice makes a request with your order, "Me too! Never tried strawberry margarita. Sounds pretty fruity." This day is already bad so you turn your head to see who just made it even worse-

A pretty white haired man stands by your side, piercing blue eyes peaking through sunglasses that look down right ridiculous at such a formal event. "Why are you wearing sunglasses indoors??" Is the first thing you ask, no 'Hi how are you?' or 'why are you ordering drinks on my tab?'

"Cuz I could make everyone faint with my pretty blue eyes." He smirks, confidence evident in every word.

You look confused and he finds it cute. A foreign feeling stirs in your stomach. "Just kidding. I'd waste my power if my glasses were off. Actually, I was advised not to wear them, but I didn't wanna wear my mask for this event. I have it in my pocket just in case though." He's so light and bubbly you almost forget what you were fuming about.

"You're Gojo right?" He smiles and gives a quick nod.

"And you must be 'girl with a stain on her dress', huh?" You fight the urge to roll your eyes.

"Woo that was a good one, almost made my stomach hurt from laughter." You counter sarcastically; the moodiness coming back to you.

"Haha, my bad. Anyway when we get drinks I'll find us somewhere to sit and I'll make you laugh for real." That confidence is still there. You love funny people, they're exciting to be around.

"I'm holding you to that. I need a good laugh." His smile consists of all his pearly whites and is enough to make you, or anyone around you melt.

He goes to pay for your drink, and even hands it to you. "I have to say you are way less selfish than people make you out to be."

The man in question shrugs and smirks at you, "I am very selfish about certain things, childish even. It's only the first date though so pretend you don't know about that." He waves his hand dismissively. You couldn't even care about the fact he admitted to selfishness, you're stuck up on the part where he said this is a date.

"Who said this is a date?" He notices you're trying to play it cool, but he can see right through you.

"I did. I mean if you want, we can think of it more as a blind date since it wasn't planned." Something about him doesn't rub you the wrong way or make you angry at all. He's definitely an odd ball, but he's able to make you feel something in your gut that you haven't felt in a very long time, maybe not ever, actually.

"I- what- you can't just-" You cut yourself off, lost for words, trying to comprehend what he'd just said.

He intertwines his fingers with yours. They're cold to the touch, long and slender. He does that thing where you rub your thumb across all the other fingers. On top of that he gives you that love struck gaze. You're all kinds of confused because why is someone like him trying to flirt with you??? He could literally have any other pretty sorcerer but he's walking you over to a fancy table to sit and talk.

"Ugh, you're supposed to have warm hands to contrast my cold ones." He complains, and if you weren't already stunned then you definitely were now. He's swinging his arm back in forth, with you mirroring it because he's holding your hand.

"I can't help my hands being cold, maybe you should be the one with the warm hands." He shrugs at your response. The swinging stops when you two reach a table big enough for four and pulls out your chair for you.

"I normally don't do this but you're definitely worth it." a lopsided grin covers his face.

As nice as all of this is you look around for cameras. Your mind is telling you he means no harm, but you can never be too sure.

"Okay, is this some kind of joke or show?? Where are the cameras because this can't be real." The white haired six foot something giant's face contorts into something very (ugly) funny. His face scrunches up at your words.

"I can't believe you'd suggest something like that! I'm serious, I just want to be a normal guy and have a normal encounter with someone. So, can you just pretend I'm a normal date and not Gojo Satoru?" He's telling the truth and for the first time tonight you fully relax.

"Okay, hi normal guy. What do you like to do?" You ask playfully feeling enchanted by his charismatic presence. He makes you feel a sense of freedom like you never have before.

The rest of the night the two of you goof off and talk about all kinds of things. Eventually he's being dragged out by Nanami because of how drunk he is. He'd given you his number, "Call me!!!" He whines loudly while being led to the car he arrived in.

"Okay! When I do, don't forget everything from tonight." You yell back to him.

"Like hell I will!" And he was telling the truth because about two hours later when you were winding down for bed you get a call from an unknown number. Usually you wouldn't pick up but you have a feeling that the person on the other side was none other than Gojo normal guy.

"Hello?" You don't get a response for a few seconds, your stomach drops thinking you had miscalculated...

"I miss you already, when can I see you again?" He asks sleepily.

[dulcewrites]

For You Always

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x reader (kind of lol)

Summary: you always knew Aemond had a soft spot for you, but you always just assumed it was him wanting to look out for his brother’s wife. Soon you find out that his devotion knows no bounds

Warnings: allusions of sexual assault

A/N: I was inspired by the dynamic between Alicent and Larys (and her and Criston). That dynamic is probably the most interesting to me to watch (plus when Olivia and Matthew are together in scenes it’s like a masterclass in acting. Might be my fav two actors on the show rn). I also just love the idea of Aemond being someone’s guard dog. I plan on writing things from this list. And plan on doing things with a black reader :). But I got inspired and it flowed very easily so I wanted to get it out. I am open to request as well! Please reblog, like, and follow if you enjoy 🫶🏽🫶🏽

Blog masterlist

In hindsight, confessing your sadness to Aemond after the incident was a bad idea. But in your defense, it wasn’t intentional. You found yourself crying, trying to make it back to your chambers before anyone spotted you in distress. And there he was.

Whispers was something you had grown used to since arriving in King’s Landing years ago. Whispers about your family back home, whispers about your life now… including whispers about your relationship with Aegon. Most of the time it would roll off your back. Mainly because the rumors themselves were never true. It’s easy to brush it off when there’s no validity.

It wasn’t until one day you overheard two lady’s maids speaking about your husband. Certain words stuck out. Dyana, crying, Aegon, paid off, and moon tea.

You felt sick, physically ill hearing them talk. You had always wondered what happened to Dyana; lamenting on how good she was with Elia, your daughter. When asked if he knew why she was not around anymore, all Aegon gave you was a shrug before changing the subject. But now you understand why. Deep down you knew Aegon was not a good man, but you naively hoped he had changed after the birth of your daughter. His behavior was always questionable, but this was a new low. You wish you could let this roll off your back like the rest. No use in chalking it up to a rumor; you know Aegon too well for that.

You couldn’t help the tears from falling as you turned away. The walk to your chamber felt like forever. Mind racing; you thought about poor Dyana and where she was now, who knew about this, and selfishly you thought about if people thought you knew all along. That you brushed it off because that is what is expected of a lady in your position. Smile and endure. Ignore and push through.

That people thought you were just as cruel as your husband.

It was the tears on your face that made Aemond stop in his tracks. You tried to wipe them away quickly after you spotted him but it was too late. He all but forces you to tell him why you’re in this state. It wasn’t becoming of your station to be crying in the arms of your lord husband’s brother. But there you were in your room, pouring your heart out.

Aemond had always been good to you. His generosity was not something you were expecting when you came into the family. Everyone had responded the way you predicted. Helena was sweet. Queen Alicent seemed indifferent; not exactly warm, but always there if you needed something. The sicker King Viserys grew, the less you saw him. Aegon was doting when he wanted you, awful when he didn’t. Aemond was the odd one out. Completely shocking you with the concern he shows. You had made up in your mind it stemmed from his hatred for Aegon.

That day, Aemond simply rubbed your back and told you he’d handle anything else that happened with Aegon. It must’ve been your frazzled state that led to you taking that comment as sweet rather than ominous.

Silly you.

It felt like the whispers and rumors only got worse after finding out about what happened to Dyana. By the time you had worked up the courage to confront Aegon, another indiscretion made it back to you.

It seems that your husband has an affinity for servants and ladies in waiting. If rumors are true, at least this one is consensual. The name of a servant you know helps Helaena continues to get bandied about.

You can’t help but feel embarrassment and rage flood through your body. He’s one the princes of the storied Targaryen family, a future king if things go the way certain people in the Red Keep want them to. And here he is, not only abusing his power but making a mockery of you in the process.

A part of you wonders if you should go to Alicent. You decide against it; you know how the game is played. No matter how much she may resent his behavior, he will always take precedent over you. Then you think about going to Helaena, but you hated the idea of troubling her with your mess. So there you were, at Aemond’s door with a rant on the tip of your tongue.

It was nice. Getting your feelings out to someone who shared your complicated feelings towards Aegon.

Aemond rarely responds or gives you advice. Just gave you an chance to let it all out, which is something you appreciated. You left his quarters feeling a bit lighter. As light as you could feel with the position you are in.

You spent the rest of the week trying to avoid talking to Aegon, and spend time with Elia and with Helaena.

“A flower can wilt under love, the same way it wilts under detestation.”

Helaena’s cryptic language was something you had learned to just go with. Though, you did get an eerie feeling after she said it to you with a concerned look on her kind face.

You tried to push the hurt feelings away, and almost succeeded. Until your lady in waiting came to you one night with a nervous look on her face. Reluctantly, she told you news that she had heard.

You couldn’t hold it any longer the next time you saw Aegon. When the conversation started, you were surprised to hear him speak so openly about his cheating. You had just always expected him to act like the whole castle isn’t talking about it.

“What do you mean you told her she could be your second wife,” you hiss at him, trying to keep your voice low.

He winced and looks down at his feet.

“I don’t even remember saying it myself,” he says meekly. “But she surely remembers it. Won’t let me forget it.”

You scoff, and take good look at him. You think about how your mother’s vision for you, and your own blind ambition has landed you stuck with the biggest idiot ever.

“So let me get this straight,” you walked towards him. “You spend your days drowning yourself in your cups, and disrespecting half of the women in the Red Keep. And now you tell me you’re whispering sweet nothings into her ears so she keeps stroking your ego.. amongst other things. Some couple you two make. You’re stupid enough to say that, and she’s delusional enough to believe you.”

“My lov-“ you hold up hand to stop him.

“You will fix this,” your finger hits his chest. “I can’t even stand to look at you right now.”

You leave the room in a hurry, ignoring his tries to stop you. Where you are going at this hour? You have no idea, but you can’t be in the same rom as Aegon right now. But then you get an idea… the dragon pit.

Vhagar can’t fit in pit but whenever Aemond wants to ride her, he goes there.

You feel a bit silly, going to him to whine about how awful his brother is. But when you find him walking from the pit, the words and emotions just flowed out. Honestly for someone so outwardly cold, Aemond handles you so gently.

“To do that, and right in front of you is an insult.”

You nod in agreement because it is. It shows how much he doesn’t care. How much you carry your relationship with him.

“And the most frustrating part is that I just have to live with it,” you think about Elia, and the pressure there is to have another baby, a boy. “I have to not only face Aegon, but apparently the woman who he chooses lay with. I have to hear the whispers not about him being a disgrace. But about me being so frigid that of course he’d seek warmth from another.”

You run your hands down your face.

“What has my life become?”

Aemond doesn’t reply, just gives you an inquisitive look before nodding to himself. He walks you back to the room.

“Everything will be fine. Trust me,” his tone is so certain. You want to be ask how does he know, but you guess that’s what any person says when they’re comforting someone else.

You take a deep breath. Everything will be fine.

The day felt different. You don’t know why. You went through you typical schedule, most of which revolves around caring for Elia. Despite the off feeling you couldn’t quite put a finger on, the day was reflectively uneventful… until Queen Alicent comes to visit you.

She smiles as she holds Elia.

“How are you my dear,” her voice is soft and measured. The question is simple but it makes you uneasy. If things have made it back to you, they’ve surely made it back to her.

“I’m doing well your Grace,” you put on your best face. “Just a little tired.”

She hums in response.

“That’s good to hear,” she steps closer to you, lowering her voice. “I’m glad you were able to take care of any problems that may have arose.”

You blink at her. She’s clearly talking about Aegon and the servant. You did tell Aegon to fix it, but the quickness is surprising. Plus you assumed he’d come whining to you about it after he had ended things.

“I’m glad to know you can take care of things on your own.” she continues, and your confusion grows.

Didn’t know you had it in you? Take care of things? You truly do not understand what the Queen is saying. Before you can get into it, Ser Arryk knocks saying the King needs Alicent. After she leaves, you hand Elia to your lady in waiting.

You must go to Helaena.

You find her in her chambers, embroidery hoop in hand. The bright smile she greets you with drops when yo ask about her lady in waiting.

“A flower can wilt under love, the same way it wilts under detestation.”

Her voice is somber, and you let out a deep sigh. Who is the flower? She clearly knows something but you wonder if even she can even figure it out herself. There’s no way you can go one of your girls, you’d be tipping your hand. And Aegon never seems to be around when you need him. Then it hits you.

I’ll handle it

Everything will be ok, trust me

It couldn’t be. You try to talk yourself out of the idea races into your mind as you walk to Aemond’s room. You squeeze your eyes shut as you knock on the door. The aloofness of his demeanor only makes you more anxious.

“I don’t even know how to ask this,” you give him a tight, nervous smile once he lets you in. “Or that you would even know the answer.”

He’s sitting in a chair, and tilts his head to the side. You pause for a moment. Collecting your thought; the last thing you want to do is accuse him of something.

“She’s gone,” he replied after silence passes through the room. He sounds bored of the careful dance you’re trying to play.

It’s vague. Gone could mean a lot of things. It could mean Aegon did something right for once, but then again how would Aemond know that before you. You didn’t want her to lose her job. You just wanted the record set straight, and selfishly you didn’t want people questioning your marriage.

“What did you do,” you whisper, suddenly getting worried.

“I did what Aegon will never have the courage to do,” he stands up, and starts walking towards you. “I protected you.”

“Aemond what do-“

“You don’t have to worry about her anymore,” he interrupts you. “We took care of it.”

Your stomach sinks. We took care of it. There’s only one person.. no one thing Aemond could be talking about. Aemond on his own is intimating enough

“I didn’t want her dead,” you look at him with wide eyes.

He doesn’t seem phased by your panic. In fact he gives you a smile, or at least closest thing Aemond does to a smile.

“My future queen wanted something done, so I did it,” he says it as if it’s the most obvious thing ever.

He thinks of you as his future queen, you’ve known that for a while. Everything starts and ends with you in his eyes. Any threat to you is a threat to him. You had grown to understand Aemond’s intensity, but this is a lot even for him. The look in his eye makes you know this won’t be a one time thing. That he’s going to go to these lengths whether you like it or not. Haelena’s words ring in your head.

A flower can wilt under love, the same way it wilts under detestation

[olderthannetfic]

I would never defend them - at least not the ones who actually harass people - but I do wonder if there's some antis out there who genuinely come from good intentions.

Super serious and genuinely shameful confession: I'm an ex-radfem. I went into those circles in the first place bc I liked some of Dworkin's works. And while I obviously do not recommend anyone ever get into radical feminism, I will say this: If haven’t been down that very specific rabbit hole of ideology yourself - especially in online settings - you cannot even begin to imagine how fucking INSANELY pervasive the ideas are. Even if you've been a victim of radfem hate, if you haven't been a radfem yourself, I'm truly inclined to think you have no idea what those spaces are actually like. Sorta like how if you've been a victim of fundie hate, that is awful and it fucking sucks, but if you haven't been raised fundie yourself, you really don't know what it's like to be IN those circles, just a VICTIM of those circles.

I hate to throw around words like “hivemind” or “groupthink” but it is that. I went into radfem spaces thinking that I was above believing certain things that they believed but I clearly wasnt, it is so fucking toxic and that’s why i’ll never believe that “TIRF” (trans inclusionary radfem - something I tried and failed to be) can be a real thing. And then these same people have the audacity to call trans rights a cult, but you know, it's whatever.

Obviously terfs are more serious in the "real world" than antis are, but there are some parallels in the way that both groups feel about kink/porn discourse. (No, I'm not saying that antis "believe TERF ideology" or anything, but I do think in the specific context of sex stuff, there ARE alot of parallels.)

I am not defending radfems either, but I will say that I got into it because I was genuinely worried about things such as: PH and how they just steal content from sex workers, the abuse going on in the sex work industry, the phenomenon of young girls who are waiting to turn 18 so they can start an OF account, romance novels that were not marketed as dark but should've been considering they straight up romanticized abuse and rape.

I really do think that most antis are of a similar mindset -- people, typically young traumatized people (not trying to pull the neurodivergent minor card, it's just that statistically speaking, that label CAN describe most antis) who are truly worried that, like, idk, some young girl is gonna watch Twilight or read Reylo fic and think that an overly possessive bf is #goals. Again, I'm NOT trying to defend this ideology or line of thinking at all, I'm just saying that i DO think most of them really don't realize the harm that they're doing, and actually think they're doing good.

I actually kinda feel bad for them, but like my earlier comparisons, I feel bad for them in the same way I feel bad for fundies or evangelicals. I feel bad that they hold such an awful ideology while thinking they're doing good things, but I stop feeling bad once they start ACTUALLY hurting people and I'll always feel worse for the people who they harass and harm.

And like I'd never want to be a radfem again and I hate that I was one once but, between myself and your ~10k (ballpark estimate lol) followers, I think that my time spend in that belief system gave me some really good insight to cult mindsets, which was something I didn't understand before or have much sympathy towards, and I've emerged with a lot of empathy for people who ARE stuck in bad ideologies. I could've been born into a hate group. I could've been preyed on by alt-right people and sucked in that way. Instead, it was reading radblr during quarantine that got me. Before I fell into it, I just mindlessly hated everyone in that group, and now I just feel sorry for them (still without justifying any of their actions).

It's honestly a really, really, complicated thing to try to grapple with. Anyone, yes including you reading this, can be brainwashed into hate. The second you think you're too good for that, you've lost.

This was more of a vent than a discourse ask. I guess my tl;dr is: I hate antis, terfs, fundamentalists, etc, as much as the next guy, but I also recognize that some of those people truly truly do think they're on the right side of history, and some of those people have been sucked into an ideology they never would've believed otherwise if not for xyz factors. While hate groups will never deserve pity, there are some vulnerable people in hate groups who for some reason believe they're doing good, and I wish I could help all of those people.

--

Yeah, I assume many antis are perfectly sincere in their desire to protect people. They're just wrong about what will work.

[lo1k-diamonds]

Call You Mine💜 Chapter 1

PAIRING: idol!Yoongi x OC

SUMMARY: Freya despises everything soulmate-related, but one day her soulmate shows out of nowhere and turns everything upside down.

"Why didn’t you reach out to me?" Her eyes watered in response to his words and he was certain. "You knew who I was, how I was suffering." It pained him to say so, but he knew it was true. It had to be a conscious decision. And he had to know why.

A slowburn rejection soulmate story to make you fall in love with Min Yoongi (again).

WORD COUNT: 7.4k (Total: 297k)

GENRE: Rejection, Soulmate AU, s2l

RATING: Explicit

WARNINGS: angst, huge ass story that is an emotional rollercoaster, rejection (tho it has a happy ending), OC has a strong personality and flaws (all my characters do really), desperation, explicit sexual content, semipublic I guess?, riding, consensual but there's conflict, soulmate bond is inescapable and shit happens

(You can also read it on AO3, originally posted in December 2022)

A.N. I have this poll I've been meaning to do about my soulmate series and to do so, I thought I should probably introduce those stories first 😅😋Yoongi's story is the third of the Soul Palette Series (but the one that started it all). Again, it is a realistic rejection soulmate story because I wanted a story where the female character doesn't lose her backbone as soon as [insert soulmate] shows in the picture/has sex. Lots of angst and fighting until the stars align ;)

"Poetry, music, a painting, they don’t save the world. But they save the minute. And that is enough.” Matilde Campilho

What were the odds?

“Freya, are you listening to me?”

“Yeah, I am,” she answered nonchalantly, looking out through the car window.

Her mood soured with the conversation and the woman steering the wheel sighed. “Whenever the subject of soulmates gets brought up you just become…” Freya gave her an ice-cold look from the shotgun seat. That made the woman mad, “Insufferable.”

Freya smirked through her pain and looked away again. 

The woman sighed again, “We’ve been friends for almost nine years. Don’t you think I know you by now?”

Freya placed her elbow on the car door, supporting her chin on her hand. Her fingers covered her mouth strategically. She knew the lecture that was about to happen, Lidia never missed a chance to try and change her mind about this topic. She didn’t have the heart or energy to fight it anymore.

“Soulmates are each other's halves,” she started and Freya just clenched her jaw. “You were born with one, two parts of a whole.” Freya couldn’t have heard it or learned it better if she was in primary school. Sarcastic thoughts like that would flood her every time Lidia pulled that sermon on her. “Just because barely half the population finds theirs, does not mean yours isn’t out there.”

“Sure, he might be out there, but I wish to be like the other half of the population. You know, the one that was able to live happily by being with the people they chose to be with,” Freya said with a hint of victory. 

“Fair, but it doesn’t diminish the fact that their soulmates are still out there. They might have never met, but that doesn’t mean one should just ignore it or—”

“I’m not ignoring it,” Freya cut, annoyed. “I told you, I never met that person. Why would I lie!”

“I don’t know, maybe because you hate the idea of soulmates so much!” Lidia yelled back, fortunately without taking her eyes out of the traffic. Motorcycles were insane, trying to get in between the moving cars to get ahead. Freya was happy it was Lidia driving them to the venue. Lidia took a deep breath, “If something happened to him, you know you can tell me…”

Freya sighed, feeling stuck in the same loop, “I wouldn’t know, I’ve never met him.”

She hoped that would be the end of it, for now at least. Lidia seemed fixated on the idea that she was lying about her soulmate, that something tragic had happened, or that she was avoiding the person. Which didn’t make any sense according to her own rules, for fuck’s sake! Wouldn’t she be sick and whatnot if that was the case?

“Fine,” Lidia relented, as she always did when confronted with Freya's bitterness. “I would just like you to be open-minded when you do.”

Freya bit her tongue to hold back her remark and let the car fall into silence. She hated that topic and now it was stuck in her mind. She had never met that person and she never wanted to. She had no open-mindedness to offer because she would never be okay with it. And she wished she could just yell it out until it got through Lidia’s thick sand castles and baby cupids and stupid pink heartshaped butterflies: meeting your soulmate was terrible.

Sure they were supposed to be your other half, but they could literally be on the other side of the world. With different cultures and upbringings, you could be paired with a terrorist, misogynist, psychopath, the list went on. Who was it to say that person would actually fit your personality and values? Absolutely nothing, as history showed. Quite frankly, the fifty percent of the populace that never met them were the lucky ones. Never meeting them meant never experiencing withdrawals of absence. Never bending or nullifying your beliefs and values for the sake of someone else that, though unique, was probably not even the best match for you.

Because let’s face it: though science had proven its existence, who was to say the bond meant the same to everyone, or that it should be the same? For scientists, it was perceived more as an absolute physical attraction that would lead to the best procreation. That had nothing to do with love, with fated partners, or whatever else was mediatized. It all looked more like a romanticized publicity trope used to sell way more chocolates, flowers, and cards than Valentine’s Day. Or to make people feel misfitted and incomplete until they did find that person, instigating them to consume goods, programs, matchmaking events, anything that could speed that along. Why should anyone live with the unrelenting weight of not having met someone they never needed? That could ruin them, their lives? It was all terrible!

She would have known if she had met that person. Though she in general avoided physical contact, the mere presence of the other person was supposed to be enough for the both of them to know. She of course had no idea what it would feel like, soulbonds were also reported with different intensities for different people, but she was sure she’d know if that fateful moment ever occurred. Moreover, she would feel the withdrawal. Though tolerable to some, especially with medication, it would be impossible not to feel anything. She knew that’s how it would always play out: even if she avoided them and ran through the nearest exit as soon as she felt the bond, the need would hunt her, both of them, for as long as they lived. That was something she was willing to endure, though she honestly hoped she never had to. If she never met him, she’d never have to. So, she wished she never would. Simple.

Freya glanced at Lidia, who was now pulling over the security of the event and showing them her badge. Lidia couldn’t possibly understand her standpoint, and as much as they would fight about it, Freya wasn’t interested in shattering her dreams. If Lidia could one day live happily ever after with her fated mate and actually be happy, Freya would gladly support her. She just couldn’t be deluded by the idea like Lidia.

Their nine years of friendship were very precious to Freya. Though the focus on her career had led her astray from many of her friendships, Lidia always stuck by her. She was one of her dearest friends. She would always call and catch up on her, whether Freya was at a fashion runway, strike, or in a warzone. Maybe that was why Lidia was the only person she ever gave two cents to in regard to soulbonding. Everyone else was free to be their own idiot, but Lidia was her idiot. Freya didn’t want to see her get hurt. Lidia felt the exact same way, she knew that. It was the only reason they fought about it in the first place.

Lidia parked the car in the underground parking lot and Freya was forced to move. They were still by the entrance of the arena, the lights from the streets made their way to where they were. Lidia opened the trunk and Freya got her material ready. There was noise in the air and she kept trying to figure out what it was.

Lidia closed the trunk when Freya gave the nod and Freya’s blue eyes widened in shock. Beyond the entrance, behind the security barrier, there was a sea of people. People chanting, jumping, and screaming. 

Lidia was smirking at the sight, “Not your typical warzone, is it?”

Freya pulled her camera that was hanging on her chest to her face, regulating the lens to focus on them. They were mostly girls shouting, around their twenties, some if that. They had colorful banners with letters stamped on them and sticks with a ball that seemed to shine.

Click.

She looked briefly at the photo on the view screen, then up again at them. She was surprised.

“No, but similar. What could it be that makes them act like that?”

Lidia was passing her her media badge to access the event.

“Boys.”

He woke up from his nap, dazed. He kept having the same dream. He had had it for a while and in the beginning, he couldn’t remember it properly. Now, he could. No faces or characteristics, but he knew it was always the same person he dreamt of. When he told it to the others, they thought it had to be his soulmate and he had found the idea hilarious at first, that was impossible. But then, with the years, he started wondering. Was it that far-fetched that there was a connection between them if they were two pieces of the same soul? Maybe their pieces had an incredible bond and that was why he could dream of her.

Her. He couldn’t remember much, but he did remember that, which brought more weight to the possibility of her being his soulmate since soulmates were always of the opposite sex. For him, love or a partner was always about the connection, the person, not about their appearance or gender. He never felt like he had a gender preference because he would always look at personality first, but his soulmate would be female and he was okay with it. Though honestly, despite dreaming of her occasionally, he couldn’t conceive a relationship — he hadn’t had a serious one in almost ten years.

Life made it that way, and he accepted it. His career had taken off in a way he had dreamed and actually achieved. He was surrounded by amazing people, professionals, friends, and family alike. He had his fans, who supported him and allowed him to live every single one of his dreams, from making music, to not worrying about money, to being able to support his family comfortably. Did he ever wonder if loneliness was a price to pay for it all? Yes. Did he think it was? No. He wasn’t looking for a relationship, or his soulmate. They would show in due time. He was living, bit by bit, in tranquility.

He of course thought about what would happen if he met her. Seokjin and Hoseok had found theirs and they were exceedingly happy. They gave all others the hope of a lifetime of happiness and fulfillment, though none were particularly searching for it. ARMYs didn't know about their discovery, they had decided it that way. Not even necessarily because of the fans, but because of the sasaengs and paparazzi. The lack of privacy would be overwhelming and the men didn't wish to ruin their soulmates' lives.

If anyone had to choose who appeared the least interested in the whole soulmate trope it would probably be him. Yoongi was known for many things, he was aware, and the top included being snarky, lazy, and perfectionist. Some probably saw him as the most cold, obsessed with his music, a workaholic. It was somewhat true, he shrugged. Ideas were constantly in his mind and he was the happiest if he was putting them to life. That meant spending a lot of time by himself in the comfort and safety of his studio, space, and mind. It also meant he slept a lot. None of those characteristics meant he actually was cold or uninterested in finding his soulmate. Quite on the contrary, sometimes it felt it was the exact piece that was missing. He lived with it, but he wouldn't deny it or reject it if it happened. He would welcome her wholeheartedly, he had been waiting for some time now.

There was pressure to perform in front of thousands of people that night, as it was BTS’s last tour date in Europe, in Berlin. He was very tired, exhausted really, as were the others, but they were persevering. They had to, the quiet that would come after would be both a soothing balm and a curse. They had to make the best of it while they could, no matter what.

He was reflecting on that, at the backstage lounge after having slept a nap. The others were getting ready for the concert in other ways, though they were all quiet as the stress was building up. He walked out to reach the stylist's room and get his makeup done, knowing he would be the last one to do so when he felt it. He stumbled against the door awkwardly, completely taken by surprise. He looked around in shock, meeting the makeup artists’, hairdressers’, and stylists' surprised looks. 

She was there. She was there somewhere.

He was there somewhere. Freya was certain of it. She knew she would know when it happened and she knew. She was terrified, petrified in place, but she knew.

“Freya, what’s wrong?”

Lidia sounded worried and Freya blinked blankly for a second. She had fallen against the wall and was now leaning against it. People were passing in between them in that corridor in both directions, oblivious to them, most speaking a language she didn’t understand.

Freya immediately forced a smile, dismissing her question. “I’m fine, I just tripped.”

Lidia accepted it because, in the turmoil of people running around backstage, that wasn’t surprising. Little did she know what happened. Freya was nearly sweating from nervousness, her body too hot to handle the May warmth. 

How could that be, she thought, while following Lidia. She had lived in Berlin her whole life, why would it have to happen at a boy band concert? It made no sense, at all. On one hand, she had been super lucky to never stumble on him her whole life. On the other, really, a boy band concert? What if it was one of the fanboys outside?

That was her worst nightmare coming to reality. She wasn’t one to wallow in self-pity, but for fuck’s sake she almost had it. She almost lived a life in ignorance, free of fated bullcrap and withdrawal symptoms. Now she was facing her options: to run away immediately, to finish the job and hopefully never stumble on him, or to search for him. The latter wasn’t an option, and to leave without finishing the job was unprofessional. Lidia had asked her to be there to photograph that piece, the last concert date of the boy band in Europe, and she felt obligated to carry it through. They had an exclusive interview for their culture magazine and those photographs would make the fans go insane. Her professional code was above all else, she had fought tooth and nail to achieve everything she had. She vowed to never let her soulmate change her and it would certainly not start now.

Avoiding the person would probably be impossible, she considered, still following Lidia. The stadium was packed with fans and crew, there was no avoiding whoever it was. Since people kept passing through her constantly, she thought their bond must be pretty strong. Otherwise, how could it be that the sensation wasn’t fading as the person walked past her? They probably weren’t even walking past her. They were just somewhere in the vicinity.

There was no photoshoot scheduled, just the interview. When they walked into the artists' backstage lounge it was relatively quiet. There were seven, distinctively sitting in the corner of the room that had been lit and specially prepared for the occasion. Freya was surprised the artist’s crew had prepared that small arrangement for the interview, as it would usually be up to the magazine to arrange it.

She stayed by the door and grabbed her camera, pulling it to her face.

Lidia walked ahead with a gorgeous smile, “Hello everyone! Are we late? I hope you didn't wait long.”

The question was rhetorical, they were well ahead of time. Freya was immediately immersed in seeing life through her lens. She would do what she did best, soulmate pull bothering her or not.

She did not pay attention to the conversation between Lidia and the publicists, managers, and whoever else. She was certain Lidia pointed at her because she saw it through her camera.

"Just ignore her," Lidia said with a smile, glancing back at the camera. Lidia knew she liked to work in peace.

She wasn't a photographer who would take a thousand pictures to be able to choose one. She would take ten to choose five. That meant being very conscious of every angle, light, positioning, and framing. Everything had to be perfect. She had won awards for pictures she barely had to edit precisely because of her attention to detail. In warzones, she was severely limited in time and supplies, she had to make due. It wasn't the same circumstance, but her work ethic applied.

She liked seeing the crew work around them tirelessly and she wasn't shy about snapping photos of them. She was certain then that the concert was only about 20% the actual musicians. Not to diminish their work, but the show itself was not of their making. They were just starring in it.

The interview was well underway when she turned to the artists themselves. That wasn't problematic, their smile wouldn't change between the first and last question. She actually believed they'd relax more as the questions progressed, making their photos portray their true nature better.

Those thirty minutes flew truly by. She quickly scanned the photos she took through the view screen to make sure she had all seven in perfect soul-capturing moments, but she frowned. There was one that was different. He was speaking in the photo she took, he had an honest expression, and a beautiful complexion, but she didn't feel like the photo was as good as the others. He wasn't captured as well.

She raised her eyes to look at him and her heart jumped a beat. He was looking down, hands over his crossed legs. His hair was beautifully styled over his forehead, he looked almost like a doll. He sure was frozen, but she knew he was listening. His bandmate was answering a question in English and Lidia laughed, not too loud but not fakely either. That man smiled, not out of politeness, but out of understanding. Out of deeper thoughts. Something more meaningful. 

Click.

She hadn't even thought of it, she had to capture it. Her stomach was twisting, she wasn't feeling too well. Damned soulbond shenanigans. She usually did very well in crowds, but she suddenly felt claustrophobic. She slipped through the entrance door and left. She was fighting hard for what was happening so as not to ruin her day.

He was barely containing himself. He had an urge, an energy pulse that wanted to pull at him and take him somewhere. He was sitting as still as he could, respectfully listening to the interview and answering when appropriate. He felt his smile might give it away, so he kept looking down. Some of the others noticed and touched him soothingly in worry, patting his back or shoulder softly. He stayed quiet, he couldn’t tell them yet.

When the journalist left and the room emptied a bit in the last ten minutes before the final preparations, he was finally free.

"What's wrong, Yoongi?" Hoseok was worried.

"Yeah, why didn't you answer the next album question?" Namjoon’s tone wasn't of irritation, just curiosity. "It's your question."

"You were really stiff too," Jimim commented with a concerned pout. They were next to each other and Jimin had at one point patted his lower back.

"Guys, let him talk," Seokjin interfered, waving his hand in front of his face. Was he getting hot? Cause Yoongi was burning up, and sweating without the show even starting.

"Look at him, he's flustered," Taehyung commented, looking at him from real close. Yoongi scoffed and brushed him away.

"Here's water, hyung," Jungkook offered him a water bottle which he gladly took.

"Guys," his voice sounded weird even to him. Since when was it this emotional? "I feel it."

"What?"

"Are you sick?"

"Don't push yourself too hard."

"Guys!" He grabbed Taehyung by the shoulders, who was still close and personal. He would have been annoyed if the occasion was different, he really didn’t care now. "I feel it. Her. She's here somewhere tonight. I feel it right now."

Chaos ensued, with some congratulations and some worries echoing throughout the room. They barely had a minute to discuss it with their manager Sejin, the first to be informed. 

They were rushed to the level underneath the stage and the manager just smacked Yoongi’s shoulder, "Focus on the show. We'll find her after."

He was nervous now, and not about the show. His mind was processing the facts now. The person wasn't in the crew, he would have felt it before. It had to be someone who entered the venue when he felt it. That could be anyone, from fans to workers, and little could be done to slim the number down from tens of thousands to one. That thought made him despair. How would he ever find her in so many people?

"Hey," Namjoon had his hand over his shoulder. His eyes had a glint of concern, but his expression exuded confidence. "She feels you too." Yoongi nodded, taking a deep breath. "She'll probably come forward after the concert."

"She's probably an ARMY," Hoseok winked. Yoongi just shrugged, he didn't care if she was. That was the least of his concerns right now.

"Just think this is for her, for all of them," Jimin added with a light smile.

Yoongi nodded and rushed to the stage, the same as them. He gave it his all. He was exhausted, but he wasn't giving up. He knew he shocked his brothers because he had probably never shown such a performance before. He couldn't explain it. He had newfound energy, and hope. Things would be different from now on, for the best. The thought that she was listening, and seeing him perform gave him an extra incentive. He teased the public way more than usual. He rarely displayed his English skills as openly, but the circumstances told him she couldn't be Korean. Whoever she was in that crowd, he wanted to make sure she knew they could communicate. Could she even tell it was him? She was probably as lost as he was.

The pull was hard. Freya was facing the whole crowd from that spot, near the stage. She could easily take pictures of the stage, as well as the fans. She was trying to focus on her job, but something kept interrupting her. Sometimes she would feel goosebumps all over her body, though she did not know why. Maybe if that guy stopped talking on the microphone all the time, she could actually hear herself think.

She rubbed her eyes with a sigh; the show was almost ending, it would be over soon. She was particularly snappy because of the bond-induced tension, she knew that. She would be able to leave as soon as it ended, just a little while longer.

Or so she thought. The venue started emptying and Lidia insisted for them to stay. She didn't complain at first, taking pictures of the heartbroken fans when the show ended. Most of them were emotional, tears staining their faces, but they were smiling. For them, it must have been a life experience to see BTS on stage. If only Freya could have appreciated it as much. She also wanted to cry. She wanted to run away so badly.

The venue was nearly empty when a publicist showed up to call for Lidia. Apparently, there were some matters left to discuss. Lidia nudged Freya, saying how nice it was of them to let them experience the concert for free before getting back to business. Freya knew it was nice, but she just shrugged. She wanted to leave.

But she couldn't, Lidia was her ride. She could always run away either way, but it wasn't professional.

"Do you want me to come with you?" She asked, willing.

"No, it's just a meeting. Footage of the fans leaving, the empty poststage and backstage, or even the tired artists are more important. Make it count," Lidia winked before leaving. She probably didn't notice Freya’s expression, as excited as if she was sucking on a sour lemon.

She needed to calm down, she thought. She had to be professional above all else. She could not, and would not, have that stupid occurrence ruin her photojournalist reputation. Over her dead body.

She exited the designated area, aimlessly taking shots whenever she felt it was worth it. She had her bag with other lenses that she would switch occasionally. She got lost.

Yoongi was despairing. He couldn't help it. He wasn't even listening to the argument anymore. He was focused on the feeling, on the internal drum. He was panicked that it was going to disappear in a heartbeat.

"There's nothing we can do! We can't prevent the fans from leaving the venue, we can't force them to leave one by one. Not to mention that just touching the subject would immediately destroy any option of privacy for Yoongi or his soulmate." Sejin was being reasonable, everyone knew that. But one glance at Yoongi's face said it all. It was not enough. 

Namjoon kept arguing, but Yoongi turned around to face the mirror, closing his eyes. He felt someone behind him.

"Do you still feel it?" Jungkook’s kind voice asked. 

He nodded with his heart tight in his chest. He did feel it, he felt it better now, if that made sense. It was called a pull for a reason. He felt pulled, compelled to move, to go somewhere. He didn't know where, he didn't know if it worked and it was probably not safe for him to leave that room. But he felt it as though he was a compass with an arrow juggling around. No one was going to find her but him. And he absolutely couldn't lose her.

He opened his eyes and confidently walked out, not paying attention to anyone. He didn't notice his brothers calling or manager Sejin telling them to let him go. The venue was nearly empty, maybe one-fourth of the fans were still around. He still felt her, so maybe they had a chance.

He walked to the higher levels completely on a gut feeling. He hadn't even changed outfits or showered yet, he was straight out of the stage with a gray hoodie and black tight pants. He had a black headband over his hairline that kept his short dark brown hair from falling down his eyes and the sweat from dripping. None of it mattered though, he didn’t have time to look presentable, he needed to find her.

When he reached the higher level, he wasn't even afraid to meet fans, the thought didn’t occur to him. He just stumbled, numb. He could barely feel it anymore, it was like a pulled elastic at the end. It was still there, and so was she. Yet, for a second his chest filled with anguish and it physically hurt. He had no sense of direction anymore. Nothing made sense anymore. He was failing and it was useless, he had no idea of what to do.

People were starting to mumble around him and he was brought back to reality. He needed an escape, to hide the repressed feelings that were starting to make his chest hurt. There was a door in front of him. He entered the room, slamming the door behind him.

Freya was walking aimlessly, completely lost. There weren't that many people around and she wasn't really interested in taking pictures anymore. The moment had passed. She hoped to catch the band leaving, knowing that was the kind of shot her magazine could appreciate for the online version of the article.

The more she kept going, the more sure she became that she was going the wrong way. She was effectively ignoring her surroundings and just going. The crew was going in the opposite direction, the fangirls and security too. She tried convincing herself that was totally normal. It was totally her own will taking her somewhere in order to snap more pictures. It was not that gut-wrenching pull telling her she had to be somewhere.

She was walking down a corridor when she suddenly froze. Her body was burning up, her heart racing out of control, but her gut clearly knew that was it. No need to go further. She was deaf at that point, the bond so strong it was a deafening physical energy current around her pushing her in only one direction: the door in front of her.

Everything else was muffled and unimportant. Yet from the outside of the door, she could already feel she shouldn’t open it. The force was so strong it was numbing. Her hand hovered over the door knob and she wondered how it wasn't vibrating with the resonance of such a powerful pull. She wanted to fight it with all of her strength, and her hand trembled. It would change her life forever if she opened that door. She didn't want that to happen.

But she wasn't strong enough, it was just so much stronger than her. She succumbed to it, fatefully so. She grabbed the doorknob and tried to rationalize it. It couldn’t hurt to see him at least once, or at least to tell him she wasn't and wasn't ever going to be interested. Yeah, that's it. That was why she had to get in there. It wasn't that person's fault and she should at least tell him that.

She entered the room quickly, a small meeting room, and closed the door without turning. Inside, the pull became like a magnetic field, all around them like walls, instead of a single string. She turned slowly around and saw a man standing behind the center table, having risen from his chair, staring at her in shock. He was different than she expected, though she expected nothing. He looked tired, that was her first thought. Why was he so tired? His dark brown hair was wet with sweat and falling over his headband. His eyes were smaller than she would expect, and darker. His skin was so pale she wondered if it was porcelain; was that makeup? He was her height it would seem, though bulkier than her. That hoodie did not give much away, but he looked comfortable. She was somewhat happy he was comfortable, despite his tiredness.

Her eyes were glued to him like nothing else existed because nothing else did. She was walking slowly in his direction, completely unaware. She had heard of the trance but she never thought it would be that strong. Her body moved on its own, her mind clouded as if she was high on drugs. She was such a strong-willed person, and yet it seemed all her convictions evaporated. Her legs were jello and would only move in his direction. She argued that it was only physical, her mind was still alert. Yet they were a step away from each other when she recognized her own lie. Her mind was as interested as her body, especially because she recognized him. But from where?

They shouldn't have touched, she thought. As soon as their hands did there was no denying it. There was no reasoning that could explain what was happening, except soulmating. Her chest filled with cheer bliss while her whole body warmed up like crazy as if she was a firework ready to pop in a million colors. And it was strange to recognize the same sort of emotion in such foreign eyes, in a stranger's face. She felt endeared by that face, propelled to care for that person with the clear consciousness that she did not know him. And her heart, or should she say soul, was at peace with it. 

She struggled with that thought. First, because she thought they would instantly love each other blindly or something, and she didn’t want that to happen. Second, because it confirmed her own theories that soulbonding would erase her sense of self, her autonomy, and her individuality. She would be damned if she’d ever let any of that happen.

She knew nothing would ever feel the same or compare to him. However, knowing it in theory or feeling it in practice were very different things. Every particle of her body and soul agreed that was it, her other half, and no other person, relationship or bond would ever replace it. She looked at her hands in his and she had to close her eyes for a second to control her emotions. The urge to hug him was making her toes curl.

“What’s your name?”

Her eyes jumped to him and widened. She knew him, she heard his voice a lot tonight. She pictured him without the headband in a pretty black suit and she gasped. He was one of the guys from the band! She was completely shaken to her core; how was that possible?! Weren’t they from the other side of the world? 

Then she shook her head, but of course he was. He didn’t live in Berlin, or else they’d have met before. He only happened to come to Berlin, and she only happened to be invited to work that piece last minute. Lidia would call it fate.

“What’s your name?”

His voice gave her goosebumps. He was saying it in English, not German, but she was totally fine with it. Despite the slight demand from his voice, he was using a loving tone. A soft caress to her ears meant to not trouble her. But she was troubled, deeply. She fought to keep her mouth shut, clenching her teeth and looking away. She saw his chest heave to take in a breath before insisting on knowing her name and she panicked. She couldn’t deny him if he kept asking, her soul wouldn’t allow it. So she kissed him.

She censored herself for a millisecond before their lips touched. Kissing him went against everything she stood for. First and foremost, because she was invading his privacy, his personal space. She was attacking him, sexually assaulting him for fuck’s sake. Soulmate or not, that couldn’t be taken lightly. Second, because it was disrespectful as a whole to kiss someone without knowing if they consented. What if he had a girlfriend or was married? Third, because she wanted to keep her distance from her soulmate. They were never supposed to have met, let alone touch or kiss. She wanted to leave, run away, and never look back. No matter the pain it would cause them both. That was too selfish of her and the more they dove in, the more she would hurt him, wound him. His soul, the other part of her. He was an unlucky bastard to be fated to be her other half.

Despite the flawless logic in all of those thoughts, she couldn’t stop her lips and he didn’t seem to mind. He was surprised for a second, before supporting her waist with his hands carefully while she grabbed his head in place. For someone who wanted to run away as soon as possible, she sure was keeping him firmly in her grip.

She forced him to walk back until he was against the wall. She did so because now he had nowhere to go, she could press her body against him. She felt absolute ecstasy running through her blood. She could not stop kissing him. She could not be stopped. She vaguely thought the only way would be for him to ask it, and she doubted he ever would.

His hands stayed respectfully at her waist, frustratingly so. It was infuriating in a way how he seemed to be more in control than she was when she was the one who didn’t want this to happen. She should be outraged that they were kissing without her consent. She didn’t have the mind space to think about that though, she would reflect on being a hypocrite later.

For now, his lips tasted like heaven. She was going into all the corny tropes because they fit exactly how she felt. She was riding the wave of a rush and it was divine. She had never been high on LSD or cocaine, but she imagined it came close to that. Her tongue had no problems invading his mouth, provoking hot waves of pleasure to reverberate through her whole body. The way he just accepted it, as if giving her the full reins of it, stupidly turned her on, egged her on. He was the only one who could stop her, why didn’t he?

She fought hard to stop their makeout session and pulled away, panting uncontrollably. She was eating him alive. So much for saying ‘goodbye, let’s never see each other again’.

“You… What's your name?”

Their faces were still glued together, his arms around her. She pushed herself away and turned to the side, covering her mouth with her right hand. Somehow, pulling away from him exhausted her. She felt like even gravity was against her. She stayed like that, panting at a short but safe distance, looking at him.

After a moment of silence, he walked to a chair and sat down. The corners of his lips were raised in a small smile, he looked calm. He had all the time in the world, it seemed. Well, she didn't, she had other things to do. Like running away and never look back. Stupid soulbond was too heavy, her legs were stomped.

He pointed at the chair across from him, on the other side of the table. "Please, sit."

She wanted to scream. He was being so gentle, so condescending. Was she an idiot that couldn't keep herself away? Y- No. She wasn't a fangirl. She was a hard-working adult. An award-winning photojournalist. She was in control. Mostly. She couldn't even look away from him, that empty chair had nothing on him.

She tried calming herself down. She took her camera strip out of her neck, letting the camera sit on the table, and then she also dropped her lens bag on the floor next to it. Her breathing was stabilizing and she swallowed dryly. He was patiently waiting for her. He looked like a mythological God observing her, a mere mortal, to cope with his presence. And she had all the intentions of kneeling and begging for whatever mercy he could give.

She scoffed and pulled her copper hair back, out of her face. It was good. That soulmate thing… It was strong. She never thought it would get to that point. She knew when to admit defeat. And that was certainly, still, not the time to. 

She took a step forward, convinced that she was in control. She was going to put her hand on his shoulder and say, ‘I’m sorry it had to be me. I’m not interested. Let’s forget this ever happened.'

Her hand actually hovered over his shoulder for a moment, when her blue eyes deviated to the exposed skin of his neck. Her hand trembled while she struggled between her wills, visceral thoughts opposing one another. He must have seen her inner battle because he extended his hand and guided hers to his shoulder calmingly. It tipped the scales.

Her hormones, body, whatever it was took control. What she wanted beyond him didn’t matter, no one beyond him mattered. She felt like everything in life was secondary, a faded background, dim against his brightness. There was only one thing she wanted.

Her leg heaved to the other side of him and she sat on top of his legs. He seemed to be expecting her lips when she leaned forward to greet him. His hands went to rest carefully by her waist while hers kept by his neck. He was taking her kisses fully, meeting her passion without ever imposing. But she was hungry. She started grinding herself against him and as soon as she could feel his hard-on clearly through his pants and her shorts, she just couldn’t stop anymore.

Her mind became foggy and nothing else but their pleasure meant anything. There was something at the end of the rainbow and she wanted it. Not want, want. Like the need to breathe. He grunted and parted their lips, trying to look around, at them, at her. 

She got up with a weird sense of ease. She unbuttoned her shorts without ever dropping her eyes from him. His, however, accompanied the fabric’s descent down her naked legs. She pulled her panties down in the same motion and he seemed to understand. His expression was now serious, as she imagined hers. She wanted it, like oxygen. Like daylight. He could stop it though. One word and her world would crumble.

He extended his right hand for her to take. She took it and got closer. He meant to get up, but she stopped him. She unbuttoned his pants herself while her heart drummed in her chest. It wasn’t even about what he was going to look like or anything of the sort. She just had to feel him.

She got on his lap and immediately pulled his erection out. It was hard and shiny, extending proudly upwards. Their eyes met and no words were spoken. His hands were on her hips and she just did what she was supposed to. She sat down.

It had never felt that way before. She was never the most sexual person, but it was not supposed to feel like that. If she had a will, it vanished then. Her completeness could not be described. It was like an explosion of color, like a gust of wind, like the stars on the black pane of the universe. She was a boat looking to anchor, he was the nest she came to sleep in. 

Once the cosmic waves were done resonating in her nerves, she opened her eyes, aware. It was like seeing everything blurry and then putting on glasses. She understood. She could barely think, but she knew she understood. And looking at his eyes, she knew he did too. His arms raised around her in a tight embrace to keep her close while her hips started rolling. She felt embraced, and accepted, like a promise was being made. Their bodies were giving something to each other because that was the only way their souls could be one again. That pleasure making her skin stretch was the extent their souls would ever touch each other. That was sad in a way, making her feel anguish. Yet he kissed her chest, right over her heart, making her come to an almost full stop. He was promising. She started moving again. That promise would only be real if they committed. If their souls actually touched and joined.

She had never felt pleasure like that. She thought she would reach her orgasm very soon, but somehow there was more. Like an endless staircase to heaven. He grew impatient with kissing her shirt and forced it out. She gladly helped. His lips on her skin were everything, and she moaned through clenched teeth at the shock. His tongue darted out to feel her breasts, contouring her bra edges and sneaking in as much as he could. She was still going, jumping as low as possible so he could do it. She grew impatient and her hands reached her back to release the bra when he stopped her.

He grabbed her hands, “No, don’t stop.”

It was a catalyst, if there could be one. His hands groped her firmly everywhere while she got lost in the feeling of riding him. She was now moaning with every motion, so ready to reach him whenever he was.

He grunted from the back of his throat, “Fuck.”

She nodded approvingly and felt the instant he was ready. She forced his hands on her breasts to squeeze hard while she sat down strongly a few times, making him go so deep it nearly hurt. 

Only it was pure bliss. She closed her eyes and all she could see was golden. Golden waves with particles of light. Her body trembled in spasms, her voice muted without breath. Her body felt like it was hovering in a breeze, floating. She could feel his hands, his body, inside and out. She felt warm and safe. Home. 

It lasted maybe fifteen seconds. Then, the golden waves receded, the lights disappeared like stars in the morning sky, her body floated softly to the ground, and it was done. Her head fell over his shoulder and his hand came to rest on her hair. They were both panting. They promised, it was done. She was hugging him as tightly as she could. She was scared to open her eyes.

You can go here to keep reading [ao3] (this story is finished) 💜

[system-of-a-feather]

For realsie though, I really wish I could look at the people who are diagnosed with DID and get upset at people "making it look like a fun disorder to have" with some level of sympathy or empathy, but I really honestly think that rhetoric is really honestly destructive as a means for self soothing and one I really just can't stand personally.

Like this disorder sucks ass and the reason it happened sucks ass and recovering with it sucks ass, but I don't see that rhetoric as any better than stating that "anyone who went through that could NEVER recover or live happy".

And I get where that comes from, I do, but at a certain point in trauma processing, stabilization and recovery, things start to click that trauma is over and PTSD inherently is referencing an event that has already passed. Trauma sucks. Severe chronic trauma SUCKS, but that's the past and - while its a LOT more difficult than it is to just say - that past REALLY doesn't have to define the present even a quarter as much as trauma makes it feel.

Of course, I understand and get those who feel like DID is horrible and a hell disorder - I 10000% understand that and its a valid feeling / opinion / statement to make, but to claim that it is impossible to have fun, be happy, and make casual content and just genuinely make the best out of a shit situation; or to claim that anyone with DID would be totally dysfunctional and miserable and unable to do XYZ - it's just... really self depricating and a huge negative self fulfilling prophecy don't you think? Also not to mention a LOT of projecting?

Other people don't deserve you forcing your self loathing and pain onto them. You are allowed to hate your situation, you are allowed to hate your disorder, you are allowed to feel and think and experience your experiences however you want, but a line is drawn when it comes to displacing that hatred, those feelings, those thoughts, and those experiences onto others and demand that they should meet your standards of misery.

I apologize, but I'm not going to pretend like DID stresses me out when I'm really not stressed by it anymore because most of our regular parts are actually decently connected and coordinated with one another. I'm not scared of them and they aren't scared of me. I'm not fighting them and they aren't fighting me. We got trauma but we also got, ya know, a life going and the trauma gets less and less prevalent and intrusive as time goes on so, life's honestly pretty lit and I really love to see other systems heading in that direction.

I think everyone should aim to be happy and at peace with their disorder. I don't understand, empathize, or support the idea that someone had to meet a standard of misery to be "real".

(TW: suicidal ideation and physical abuse mention)

If I take medication that makes it so I don't scrub my hands raw and have panic attacks over having not eaten a salad "recently" thus meaning I am going to rot from the inside out and die, does that mean I am faking having OCD? If I take medication and improve my life so that I only pluck my hair once a month, is my Trichitillomania faked? If I stop having suicidal ideation, does that mean I was faking being suicidal the whole time? If I stop having bruises, does that mean I faked being beaten as a kid?

(TW cleared)

Recovery and peace should and does not ever invalidate the truth of the pain suffered and the struggle overcome. Happiness and joy can co-exist with the truth of hurt, pain and suffering.

Trying to hold the two as mutually exclusive is a huge part of why a lot of people get stuck being miserable. If misery is vital for honoring your pain as real, it is very hard to let that go and let yourself be happy again, because if you are happy, what will attest to give your pain justice? But pain, justice, misery, and happiness - they can all co-exist and honestly, that's a really important thing to learn and understand in my healing journey as it really opens up doors to letting trauma go.

Your pain doesn't define your truth.

Your truth is your truth.

It will stay true regardless of if the pain persists or leaves.

[lowkeyerror]

Her First & Her Future

Maddy Perez x Reader

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: Angst, slight substance abuse (weed), Nate Jacobs, physical assault

Summary: Y/n Jacobs and Maddy Perez had something special. It wasn't long before Nate noticed and decided he wanted what Y/n had. Though Maddy ends up with Nate it seems like she can't get Y/n off her mind.

An: Someone said a Maddy series and I am a lady of the people so buckle up. I will say I intentionally changed some of the timeline of the series to fit better, hope yall still enjoy it.

Pt. 2 Pt.3 Pt.4

Masterlist

Y/n knew Maddy more than she was supposed to. They had been friends before Maddy started dating her brother. The beginning of her relationship with Nate was the end of the friendship between the two.

It wasn't the obvious betrayal it seemed to be. There was probably something in the code of friendship about dating each other's siblings. However this was deeper.

Y/n had held Maddy through cold nights. She had consoled her whenever she was going through it with her parents. Y/n loved Maddy.

Maddy loved Y/n too. She would make sure the girl ate because she always forgot. She made Y/n smile through the tears Nate had caused her. Maddy even held Y/n through the hot summer days.

They were young lovers. They had been each other's first. Y/n was familiar with every inch of Maddy's body. She knew things about it that even the other girl didn't. Y/n knew how to get Maddy's body to sing three part harmonies with a single touch.

Nate couldn't do that, Y/n was certain. There were only two things Nate had that Y/n didn't; a penis and an ego.

His ego wasn't even real. It came from a place of insecurity. Yet he was the one that Maddy had chosen to be with. He was the one holding her now. He got to be her future whereas Y/n was stuck being her first.

It wasn't fair. Nate already had everything. He was the favorite child, the popular boy, the star quarterback. He could've had any girl, but he chose the one he'd known would hurt Y/n.

Maddy never told Y/n that she and Nate were dating. The girl found out with every other person at the school. As soon as she saw the pair walking down the hallway, she left the premises. She skipped the rest of that school day.

She began to softly spiral. Y/n didn't like hard drugs. She didn't like pills or coke or anything too dangerous. The girl did like to get high on occasion.

Seeing Nate with Maddy was unbearable unless Y/n was high. She became a regular pothead. She smoked every day, working overtime to make sure the smell didn't stick around her too much.

Her friends began taking notice. They were worried for the girl. The only one who knew about why the girl had suddenly become so dependent on cannabis was Lexi.

" Have you guys seen Y/n?"

" Not since earlier when we were all together, why?"

Lexi shook her head and continued searching for her friend. She ended up accidentally bumping into Nate on her way outside.

" Have you seen your sister?"

He shook his head," She's been ditching a lot lately. No idea where."

" Since when does Y/n ditch?" Maddy asked from beside her boyfriend.

Lexi rolled her eyes," I think you can piece it together."

She continued walking past the couple. Maddy's posture dropped for a second before Nate squeezed her hand. She held her head high and continued walking the halls.

Lexi found Y/n under the bleachers by the football field. The girl was laying flat on her back with her arms and legs stretched out.

" Jesus Christ, Y/n."

Slowly the girl's head turned to Lexi, her eyes an unnatural hue of red. " I think my heart is going to explode."

" You're missing class again."

" Who cares?"

Lexi sat on the grass next to Y/n. " I care because now I'm missing class too."

" I'm sorry." Y/n did her best to sit up, her breathing was extremely shallow.

" I hate seeing you like this." She places her hand on top of Y/n's.

Y/n looks straight ahead," I just don't want to feel anything anymore."

" Don't say that," Lexi squeezes Y/n's hand.

Y/n head hangs," It's the truth. Nothing feels good, Lexi. I'm not safe at school, I'm not safe at home, she's going to be there, with him, wherever I go."

Lexi looks at her friend, thinking of her next move very carefully. The hand that rests on Y/n's moves. It trails up the girl's arm to her face, lightly cupping her cheek.

This catches Y/n's attention. She leans into Lexi's touch, her intoxication leading her.

" You don't need her to feel good," Lexi pauses, her thumbs swiping over Y/n's bottom lip," Anyone can make you feel good."

" Lexi-"

The brunette kisses Y/n. Her lips move experimentally against her friend's. The young Howard straddles Y/n as they continue to kiss.

It's easy for Y/n to get caught up in her high state. The sensation of Lexi's warm lips on hers enough to silence the alarms going off in the back of her mind. It's not until Lexi's hips roll on Y/n, that the alarms start ringing loudly.

Y/n pulls back," What're we doing?"

Lexi's face is flushed, her chest heaves up and down," I don't know."

Her thumbs swipes at Y/n's lip again, trying to remove the trace of lipstick that she left there.

" So this is why you were looking for her."

Lexi tries to remove herself from Y/n, but the pothead locks her arms around Lexi's waist. In this state she could care less about her brother and Maddy's reaction.

" It's not really any of your business is it?" Y/n responds to the girl.

Maddy looks furious while Nate seems indifferent. The look the Latina has on her face is enough to scare Lexi, but Y/n stays unphased.

Y/n unhooks her arms from around Lexi, to get to her feet. Her vision is a little blurry and her footing isn't the best, but all that matters to her is that she is standing.

" You can barely stand," Nate points out.

" I'm fine," Y/n shoots back at him.

Nate glances at Lexi and then back at Y/n," It's fine that you're spaced out, but she's not."

Y/n scoffed," Lexi isn't like that. She wouldn't take advantage of me just because I'm not sober."

Before anyone could say anything else, Y/n is walking away from the bleachers." Let's go, Lex."

Lexi doesn't look at the couple, instead follows after Y/n.

" I'm going to take you home, there's no way you can go to class like this." Lexi takes Y/n's hand and drags her to the parking lot.

She struggles, but eventually gets Y/n into the car. The drive to Y/n's is quick and quiet. Lexi went to get out of the car but Y/n grabbed her wrist.

" Why'd you kiss me?"

" Because," she let out a sigh, " words are never enough for you."

Y/n nodded, she slowly leaned over to the driver's side of the car," It felt pretty good Lex."

Lexi took that as her sign to hop out of the car. Y/n's passenger door opened soon after. The Jacobs girl walked around the car to meet Lexi face to face.

" Y/n, you're my best friend and I love you, but I can't."

Y/n brought her chin down to rest on Lexi's shoulder," I'm sorry, I'm all fucked up."

Lexi wraps her arms around the girl," It's ok, let's just get you inside."

Lexi helped Y/n get inside and took her to her room. Y/n face planted on the bed, her body still tingling from the weed.

" You can go back to school, Lex. I'll be fine," she mumbled against her bedsheets.

" Are you sure?"

" Ya I'll be fine."

Lex looked at her friend, face down on the bed. She was hesitant to leave her in this state. This reminded her of her other friend. For a moment she was scared of addiction taking over another person she cared about.

" Y/n, be careful ok?"

The girl on the bed nodded. She felt herself drifting into a deep sleep.

Lexi looked at her one more time, before returning to school.

It had only been an hour since Lexi left when Y/n awoke to a pounding on her front door. The doorbell was ringing obsessively to accompany the banging. She was still groggy from her nap as she went to get the door.

When she opened it, she found Maddy standing on her porch.

" Nate is at school, " she tried to shut the door in Maddy's face, but the Latina wasn't having it. She pushed past Y/n and made her way into the house.

" What, trying to kick me out because your bitch is here?"

" What are you talking about? "

Maddy glares at the girl, " Lexi. Lexi Howard, my best friend's sister. You think you're funny, don't you?"

Y/n's mind begins to clear, " There's nothing going on between me and Lexi."

Maddy's hand lays on her hip," Oh really? Then what was that under the bleachers"

Y/n glared back at the girl, " Are you really doing this right now? Maddy it's none of your business. You're my brother's girlfriend. That's it. I don't care if you saw me fucking her in my room, it doesn't have shit to do with you."

" You know that's a fucking lie. I'm more than just your brother's girlfriend."

" No, you're not. You made your choice Maddy, and it wasn't me, " Y/n told her making her way back to her room.

Maddy was hot on her trail." Y/n, you know I care about you."

Y/n began to laugh," Yes, of course because everyone who cares about me fucks my brother behind my back. "

" It wasn't like that. "

" Then what was it like Madeleine," she cringed when Y/n used her full name," All I know is that we had something. Then all of a sudden we didn't because you wanted Nate."

" Y/n-"

Y/n chuckled as she sat on her bed, " I loved you. So much and... my fucking brother. Out of all the people."

Maddy doesn't know how to respond. There's nothing really she can say to fix this. " It just happened Y/n, please. I would never hurt you like this. You know me."

" I thought I did, but I was wrong. You don't get how fucked up this is Maddy. After you're done fucking my brother, you call me. You blow up my phone because you feel guilty. You want me to sit here and take all of this disrespect, but I just can't."

Maddy has tears pricking at her eyes, but Y/n won't look at her.

" Y/n, I love you."

Y/n shut her eyes tight. " You can't possibly love me. Not after all you put me through, Maddy."

Maddy makes her way over to Y/n. She gently cups the other girl's face. Y/n keeps her eyes closed.

" Baby, please."

Y/n began to shake her head," I just can't Maddy."

Y/n placed her hand over Maddy's and removed it from her face.

It was over then. Maddy walked out of the room. Y/n's back hit the mattress and tears slid down her face.

Months pass and Y/n has a front row seat to just how toxic Nate and Maddy are for each other. Most of the time she's too high to see all of the details.

What she does notice is the obnoxious gifts that Nate is always buying for Maddy. The way the girl always wears his gifts out to school the next day. Y/n thinks of her as his barbie doll in that sense. He gets to dress her up like he wants and she gets a new wardrobe.

She keeps her distance from them, as much as she can. However, they live in a small town and she can't avoid them forever.

" No weed tonight, you promised," Lexi is quick to rip the joint out of Y/n's hand.

Y/n didn't fret, just sighed as they walked through the carnival.

" Fine, but you owe me the time of my life tonight ."

Lexi nudges Y/n's shoulder, "When have I ever let you down?"

Y/n smiles at the brunette, "Never, you're a ride or die."

The night is fun for the most part, but it takes a turn when Y/n and Lexi meet up with Cassie and the other's. The weird energy had made Y/n want to take a smoke break.

Lexi might've taken a joint, but Y/n had more than one on her. With the excuse of a bathroom break, she breaks away from the strange group.

She looks for a secluded place to smoke. That's when she sees them. Nate stalks towards Maddy, who was cowering in fear. It wasn't her business, but when Nate's hands wrapped around Maddy's throat it became her business.

With adrenaline running through her veins Y/n quickly approached the pair. Her hands quickly closed around Nate's waist and she threw the boy to the ground. He was quickly on his feet.

" What the fuck is wrong with you, Nathaniel?"

Y/n saw her brother's fists clenching by his sides. His eyes shifted over to Maddy's as he expected her to defend him.

" I don't care what she says, I know what I saw. I know the type of person you are. So go cool off Nate," Y/n's eyes never left his as she spoke.

He took one more glance at Maddy, but then stalked off. As soon as he was out of sight Y/n was quick to turn her attention to Maddy.

Y/n's eyes shot straight for the bruises forming around Maddy's neck. She wanted to be in disbelief, but she knew her brother. He'd always been violent.

" He'll keep hurting you if you let him," it was a whisper.

" I know," she says back softly.

Y/n offers her hand," Let me take you home."

Maddy shakes her head," I'm good."

Y/n takes Maddy's hand in her's, " Maddy, you're not good."

At those words, Maddy collapses in the other girl's arms. Her body shakes with sobs. Y/n holds her tightly, only now fully grasping what happened.

She keeps Maddy's hand in hers and guides her out of the secluded area. Against Maddy's previous wishes, Y/n ends up taking her home.

Maddy's house is empty when they arrive. They went straight up to her room. Maddy tries to pull herself together, wiping the tears from her eyes. Y/n fidgets as she waits for the girl to say something. The need to smoke quickly returned to her system.

" You're scratching like an addict," Maddy breaks the silence.

" I'm nervous."

" And you want to smoke."

Y/n meets the girl's eyes," Maddy is now really the time? He choked you, what would have happened if I wasn't there?"

" It doesn't matter, I'm fine."

Y/n raised her voice," That's bullshit! He put his hands on you, Maddy. That's something he could go to jail for. It's assault."

" I'm not pressing charges."

Y/n's mouth drops open," I don't know how to help you. I just don't understand what you see in him. He's just toxic."

" And you aren't? "

Y/n voice dangerously falters," What did you just say to me?"

" There's that famous Jacob's temper, I know so well."

Y/n blinks at the girl a few times. " Nate is my brother by blood, not by choice. Maybe we're more similar than I'd like to admit, but I'd never put my hands on you. I'd never gaslight you into thinking you owe me something after buying you luxury coats. I would never break your heart like he has."

" He loves me."

Y/n snorts after Maddy says that. " No, he loves having control over you. He loves that you are his possession."

" That's not true."

" I know him better than you do. It's funny I actually know both of you better than you know each other. When he breaks your heart for the last time, I want an apology."

Y/n exits with those being her last words to Maddy. What happened between Maddy and Nate was no longer her business. She tried to get through to the girl, but it was no use.

Nate had her under his spell and there was nothing Y/n could do about it. 

[beauspot]

ok so years after it came out I finally watched Tenet. and i’m confused…but it was good.

i had no idea what to expect from this movie except “ooh movie go forward and in reverse oooooo” i also knew people shitted on it a lot because the plot wasn’t super clear. through all of this I never heard the meaning of this movie. or what it was about.

Tenet (i’m assuming everyone who’s seeing this post has seen the movie but just in case) is a science fiction story about reverse entropy and a dying man who can’t let go of his control to the point he is willing to take the world out if he can’t be there. A story about destiny and fate and choice and meaning. All of that is what Tenet is about. But at its center

Tenet is a love story

Not between The Protagonist and Kat.

Between The Protagonist and Neil

Now THREE THINGS WE NEED TO ACKNOWLEDGE FIRST:

1. I am still not entirely certain of the plot but I will be rewatching this movie because I think it was fun and the people were hot.

2. Neil is not Max. I know this is a popular theory and at first I thought it made sense since Rob dyed his hair for the role specifically and we don’t learn his past, only The Protagonist’s, but Nolan said they dropped that plotline because the timeline didn’t make sense.

3. You can view The Protagonist and Neil’s relationship as a platonic one or a romantic one my point still stands.

The surface level viewing of this movie gives you the impression that nothing matters and choice is a fallacy, what’s happened happened and there’s nothing you can do about it. But looking even a fraction deeper you realize the choices of the characters directly cause the events of the movie.

Sator is forced to live around radioactive materials in Kiev because of a neglectful government, that causes his cancer. His cancer leads him to begin communicating with the future and allows the past to invert which leads him to choosing omnicide but also directly leads to Tenet being able to stop him. His abuse leads to his death. Most importantly Neil’s death leads to The Protagonist’s life being saved which leads to The Protagonist finding Neil which cultivates the greatest relationship of either of their lives.

The most tragic part about all of this is that only in the final moments of their time together do they truly have all the pieces of their relationship laid out in front of them. The majority of the time spent with one another is with one of them not knowing their history and they’re stuck in this loop.

Our Neil dies at the end of the movie but we’re following The Protagonist. He will end up in the past, Neil’s past and at the end of their story Neil will be sent back to meet The Protagonist and so on and so on forever. And you can see the exact moment The Protagonist realizes this. That he’ll know Neil but Neil won’t know him, not really. Not for years.

We can see how immediately drawn to Neil The Protagonist is. He’s an undercover agent who very likely doesn’t trust anyone he hasn’t known for a long time but this is his face during his first meeting with Neil.

WE know why Neil is being friendly and why he stares at The Protagonist the way he does but he doesn’t. Why is he so immediately comfortable with Neil?

From the moment they meet to the final battle The Protagonist is so emotionally affected by Neil’s impending death that he considers putting the world in danger to try and save his life. He doesn’t see the point in Neil dying, and when Neil tells him that it’s just “what happened” The Protagonist doesn’t see why he should care about anything at all if every decision has already been made.

Until Neil explains to him that just because their future self has already made the decision for them, just because the path is laid out, doesn’t mean what they do doesn’t matter. Neil’s life saved everything, that matters (this one lesson goes on to affect how The Protagonist forms and runs Tenet). The Protagonist understands that yet he still wants to save Neil.

But at the end, all he can do is let Neil go. Continue moving forward.

Because there is a past for Neil. And a future for them.

*just a cute gif i wanted to include of The Protagonist staring at Neil like a day after they met.(idk how long a timeframe the movie takes place over)*

[dipplinduo]

So, I'm really looking to write a Dipplinshipping series myself and I really love the depth that you go into for S&D Dipplins (and its related spinoffs, I am very up to date).

Do you have any tips for keeping up with/writing longer works? I think my idea may take at least 10 chapters, but I've never been able to finish anything but oneshots before... I admire your consistency with the quality of your work (there has not been a single miss, not a one) and I hope to be able write like you one day.

No pressure to come up with anything if you don't know what to say. Regardless of anything, I hope this message reaches you well and that you have a fantastic day!

Omg I love writing talk asks and I'm so touched that you thought to ask me this question!

I'm gonna share stuff I found helpful to keep in mind:

- Take your time with storytelling. The advantage of having more chapters is that you can reallllyyyy enjoy your pacing. One way I do this is through gradual hints and breadcrumbs that build to the major plot points. It's a fun way to develop your story over time while keeping readers interested and theorizing. And when you're not focusing on the main plot, you can focus on other aspects of the story.

- Outlines and general note pages for your fic as a whole are your best friends. They will do the work of keeping track of different story elements for you.

- Listen to your readers. Their feedback is invaluable. If you get a lot of comments about something people seem to be enjoying, this may suggest that it's part of the voice of your fic. It can help you figure out what you'd want to emphasize more down the line - whether it be through side stories or through the main plot.

- Switch up some dynamics overtime. If you find yourself feeling stuck because you feel like you're trying to write similar kinds of moments, thoughts, or dialogues, this is a sign that it's time for you to move on and shake things up. I've done this with Kieran & Juliana in S&S D after I felt I have described Kieran seeing Juliana as a witch (who he has a hard time resisting lmao) so many times.

- Flush out the roles of supporting characters. They don't need their own character arcs, and they don't need to be focal points of the story. But they can influence some events, and it can help with the movement of your fic. (E.g. I often use Drayton to instigate moments one way or another, and this suits his character given that hes relatively chaotic neutral).

- Focus on the quality of telling your story first and foremost; you do not need the permission of certain chapter "markers" to progress. You don't need to wait for Chapter 10 or 15 or whatever to have a big moment happen. If everything is set up and ready to go, just do it. This is why a big moment of S&S D happens in Chapter 9 rather than Chapter 10; there was enough in place and I felt dragging it out would've diminished the moment. No one's really gonna care that much about how things line up to a chapter number. They're gonna be happy they got a big moment, and if anything, your ability to break this norm can keep readers on their toes.

- On the opposing ends of things, know when you have enough in a chapter to stop even if you know where you're going next. If you flushed out descriptions of someone's feelings or some scenery or whatever, and you feel you have enough? It's okay to stop writing and publish. Giving yourself more time to soak on ideas can improve the way you're going to pick up where you left off. I personally don't have a hard rule around this, but I tend to cut things off at the 15-20 page mark for a chapter of S&S D.

- If you feel like you're writing a filler chapter, think of ways it can build to your overarching story. You really don't need filler chapters if you think about it - even if you want to delay going somewhere specific. So if your work could be summed up when completed, what would you want someone to say? Think of ways you can slip in gradual storytelling from multiple angles - whether it be through plot or through some of the lighter moments (that may build to the heart of the fic like found family or dorm life or whatever). This can help breathe life into any chapter update.

- Remember that by taking your time, you're actually developing the voice of your writing and of the story. My original conception of S&S D and where it's at now are wildly different, and that's because there's no rushed time table. That goes for the storyline, the characters, the plot points - everything. LMAOOO, even the beach episode content is going to be very different because I gave myself permission to delay it until I figured out the exact roles I want Paldean Squad to play! It was a better decision that will lead to better characterization (even though I'm nonetheless very grateful for people's patience).

- Write on your timetable, not anyone else's. I occasionally put due dates on myself to get me going (e.g. by teasing a chapter update), but I never promise that I'll have chapters out on a weekly basis or whatnot for anything I write - S&S D related or not. This is deliberate. Life happens and the last thing you need is to write for the sake of writing and nothing else. I feel it's the easiest way to kill your passion if it becomes stressful for you.

- Lean into what inspires you. I find a LOT of motivation through comments, reactions, asks, fanart, etc., so I make it a point to respond to every comment on AO3 and engage continuously with the community on here and whatnot. I've also been loosely inspired by art pieces that have nothing to do with my work. This is just what works for me, though. Sometimes you might be inspired by other media, or maybe by things that you've seen or experienced in your own life. Whatever it is, draw from it.

Hmmm that's what comes to mind for now. Happy to give more later if they come up, & hope this helps! Best of luck with writing YOU GOT THISSSSS 🤗💛

[kit-williams]

In all honesty you’re not even sure what kind of space marines you’re currently looking at. You distantly remember how they’re supposed to have heightened senses. It must mean they heard you walking up to the barn right? Why didn’t they try to hide? Why… why let you see them after months.. no, years! Years of being hidden?

T-those videos you’ve seen of people with space marines. They always look friendly, maybe some are intimidating but you never truly felt like those were dangerous. Yet now facing a barn full of what? 8ft? Who knows, who cares? They’re massive and dangerous.

You realise your kid’s friends aren’t as imaginary as you hoped.

So none of these names are canon for the Space Marine Husbandry warband btw but I am using the same make up.

You sit down on a crate as the barn is immaculate... well unless its the hay loft but that was Reeve and Varrin's space. You watched the space wolf just lounge on the floor talking to your son... you had worried he had linguistically regressed with what he had been saying lately but hearing him babble in their tongue back to them it made sense... but that brought the grim realization that they had been here for years.

All of them had been near your son during his most vulnerable time of life and you hadn't noticed. You had snapped at him a few times playing near that barn and only after one long vacation he started to ignore you but you made him promise to not touch anything dangerous. It turns out that's when Orn had taken the time to renovate their base of operations. You're certain that this place could take a tornado head on.

You drink the chocolate drink that Garrek had handed you as you just try to relax. Logan grins at you from the floor. "Well 'Mommy'"

"Please just do not call me that." You sigh as you roll your eyes at the shit eating grin on his face. And you give them your name. And your son, now in the hayloft declares his name as the sound of rustling hay and the hissing from the two night lords as they play.

You look up nervously but return to looking at Logan. You remember the warnings about the Night Lords about them being a chaos one and same about the Iron Warrior if you remember right but you're certain that Space Wolves are loyal? You have no idea about the war hound. "P-please leave?" You try to say confidently but it comes out much more timid and mild.

"How cute." You jump as one of the Night Lords had silently landed behind you.

Logan snarls something out and you watch the Night Lord raise his hands as he walks away. "Unfortunately Miss you are stuck with us." Orn said looking down at her without his helmet.

"Hooray!" Your boy says as the other Night Lord jumps down holding him. "Oh! OH! We can go outside and play! Reeeeeeeeeeeve! Reeeeeeeeeeeeeve let's go!" He says excitedly before switching to their language babbling happily as the one called Reeve chitters and rushes out of the barn like a bat out of hell... with the other being Varrin running out after him after a few moments.

Your heart is pounding and you stand up but the other three get you to sit back down. "We're going to be laying down some ground rules." Logan starts.

"N-now you listen here!" You shout standing up on the crate, "I don't know who you lot are and why you think you can come onto my property and just settle in! I didn't invite you or your ilk so you can just-"

She jumps as the metal barrel is just crushed by Logan as his grin is utterly feral and dark as he growls down at her. "Now." He says in his brogue, "You done? You got your little tantrum all out miss? Good. Now... sit." He says growling as you sit down. "Good. We Like yer boy." You pale again as how he says it implies that if they don't like you... they're willing to be rid of you.

The Space Marine in White and Blue armor finally speaks in a Slavic accent half putting himself between you and Logan. You watch Logan huff and fold his arms over his chest as they go back and forth. Orn just watches silently occasionally chirping out. You can hear your son laughing loudly and wildly as your eyes dart to the barn door as you worry if those laughs are actually screams.

"What do you want with my son?" You finally say.

Garrek says something before Logan speaks again, "Translating for the big guy... nothing. We're just watching over him he's our charge. But I suppose we are his... companions as you humans have taken to calling us. Or perhaps pets as your little one has explained. But don't worry about us much... just get us a few supplies... armor stuff... otherwise we can feed ourselves and will keep to ourselves. Deal?" Logan glances at Garrek as Orn nods to Garrek before Garrek seems to approve of what was said.

"Deal. So how do you know our language." You ask hopping down from the box.

"Your little boy brought us plenty of his books for us to learn and Orn and I have been teaching him... Gothic." Logan says as you walk over to the door. You see your son running around after fireflies as the two night lords just watch the insects before their skull faces turn to face her.

"Fine. Fine. I don't trust you all... but I guess I will have to learn." You say softly

"Indeed lass you will have to learn to trust us just like your son has." Logan replies

[orisquirrelking]

Hey! I was wondering are you comfortable writing for Yanderes? If so can you do some Yandere Midas?

If not thats totally understandable! Have a nice day :)

Fellow fnite liker i am gonna be real i have never consumed any yandere fiction other than yansim and that is it so. I hope i did… not butcher this lol

Uhhbskjf lets say in this universe “fortnite”/battle royale is a gameshow. The loopers dont actually die obvs but they can feel pain etc and keep their injuries afterwards. I like this hc v much so. Im using it. (I shit you not i am listening to chug jug with you as i write this SMHHH) this is not beta read we die like peely

———————————————————————————————————————————————————

As we all know, Midas is the leader of ghost, which means this man has blood on his hands, and as a former battle royale champion, Midas has killed many people and is very much prepared to go all out when it comes to you.

Midas has never actually met you. You’re a younger player,(20-25,) mostly sticking to “team rumble’s” as they’re called, before entering into the actual battle royale.

You caught the former champions eye when you won your first “real” match. You were in rough shape, but despite that, you were grinning from ear to ear, hand clutching one of the worse wounds you had sustained during your fight. There was something in your eyes, a spark that reminded Midas of himself, and he grew enamoured with the figure he saw on the screen.

It started with very specific supply drops.

Every once in a while, you would get anonymous sponsor boxes with the weapons you preferred. As a new victor, this didn’t seem out of the norm for you. You’ve been sponsored before, but the items were never this specific and on brand. You noticed your little gifts from the sky had a small insignia on them, usually on the barrel of the gun, but you never payed them mind.

You seemed to be more welcome in certain areas of the island, specifically the ones that were, or still are controlled by ghost. Not one to question good fortune, you stuck to these areas as often as you could. Eventually, you matched up the logos from your weapons to the infamous ghost, and put two and two together. Somebody higher up favoured you, that was for certain, but who?

Midas would tune into every one of your matches, sending out whatever he could to help without bringing himself to attention. You died once. The mood at ghost was soured until your next match, in which you managed to survive, barely.

He had to keep an eye on you. He put himself back into the ring. Using his training as one of the worlds largest crime leaders, he disguised himself and grabbed a sniper, keeping an eye on you through the scope, killing anybody that dared look in your direction.

You noticed, of course.

Why would a seemingly new player with that much skill only kill the contestants around you? You didn’t understand what was going on until your first duo’s match.

It was all Midas’s idea, of course. Coercing the hosts into only doing duo matches that week. He again threw his hat in the ring, so to speak, and eagerly teamed up with you.

You were starstruck. THE Midas, kingpin of ghost, former battle royale champion, teaming up with you? A beginner no less. You immediately agreed to his offer, readying yourself for the gut churning drop to the island.

You landed in a ghost dominated area. The luck you two had was insane, but that was to be expected with Midas at your side, and his lackeys at your back. You two won countless matches before the week ended and you decided to call it a day, and rest up for the rest of the month. Midas slipped you his personal number, saying it was for battle strats and if you ever wanted to team up again.

The number was… not used for that. You two spent hours texting eachother, when the golden man suddenly got serious. He asked you to meet him at one of the ghost controlled coffee fronts. He told you about sneaking into the battle royales and keeping an eye on you. He told you everything. You recoiled, as one would after finding out their hero was a stalker, told him you needed some time, and left to your home.

Midas was furious. How could you? Why would you take him for granted after all he’d done for you? He was constantly blowing up your phone. Work, break, middle of the night, there were texts upon texts from him. “I’m sorries,” “Forgive me’s,” “Why can’t you understand’s,” and more. You blocked his number. And the number after that. And all of the gimmick numbers he was using to contact you. Eventually you had opted to just drown your phone in the sink and stick to using your home and office computers for everything.

He snapped. Ignoring him was one thing. Cutting him out of your life? That, he could not stand. And so he devised a plan. Your next match. His henchmen wearing gas masks. A bottle of chloroform, and you.

When you woke up, you were dazed and confused, as one often is when they are… to put it bluntly, kidnapped. The whole room seemed to sparkle. Golden bed frame, golden silk sheets, golden door with a golden trim to match. Your heart sank. You knew exactly where you were, and you knew you were never getting out.

[mamushroomoracorn]

Why AI "Artwork" won't last in the long run and Why companies are probing themselves in the ass.

As someone who is a perusing artist and learning coder.

I will tell you why this will be like NFTs 2.0

Basically cool idea but piss poor results.

On why This will be a short term "purge"

☆彡彡 whys? ミミ☆

What to worry about ★ AI artwork is just a over glorified filter and gacha app.

Resources and how the AI process this information

Overflooding of the market /poor planning/Trends 1.0

Legal uncertainty/destroyed future relationships

Trends 2.0 and how it will dull out with from the AI process|| Then how it will go down most likely then how to protect yourself now

▂▃▄▅▆▇█▓▒░What is a AI░▒▓█▇▆▅▄▃▂

What's a AI? it is artificial intelligence that collects data/information.

Although it can "function" like any code it is not only relay on a "language" it also relays on its resources, user/code and sometimes equipment.

Otherwise the AI will not intend or reach a "limit" to what it can do.

─────────ೋღ 🍄 ღೋ─────────

Context𖠄

A lot of people know about the situation with AI but for people who don't know.

There have been multiple AI that could replicate the imagery of art—although it is debated on if it is art, I will not dive deep into it only be focusing on the AI functions.

It is in hot water for “developing” a “style” with

oversears(Non-American/US artist) art, 

dead people art, 

people who did not consent for their art to be used in this manner.

All I know it does have a “art style” due to how it works, and companies who made this is claiming profit.

What to worry about is mostly concept artists will be replaced by AI major wise in companies that require character design. 

Some jobs will not return in those areas 

In indie development or in comics not made by companies there's a huge possibly it will stay.

But basically they will be hit the hardest in payment and employment by the looks of it.

Then for commission based artists it will be temporary pain

As for the rest I am unsure but looking at the AI, it works just like a filter but the results are more randomized.

Now analyzing the “art” I notice it mess up hands and also it depends on the style it is taking from.

Realistic art doesn’t actually do people well in fact they mix a bunch of races if you taking a photo of yourself.

I learned that because my mother tried it unknowing the negatives of AI “art” and won’t be posting hers results

Even “real” ones.

“Real” ones will mix up two people into different objects, expressly if there’s two races. Which gives me the ick but not surprised on what happens.                      It will change the darker out of the 2+ into monkeys/apes.

Further explained in 2 on why this happen

 I explained in the beginning AI Needs Resources ‘ and what they are feeding on.

The AI feeds on online posted art from any country server. 

Now we identify that Online posted art is the resource. How it uses it? Takes it, Then meshes the images together to create a new one.

It will also add on to a image with the source. That’s why people can have selfies then use this like a filter.

As you know many cultures have different cultures which involves art because it relates to identity. Which often is the people and objects around you. 

People can take inspiration

AI CANNOT DO THAT, it can’t separate that idea fully because on how it works.

Programs can input/process so many colors, values and hues know where to put them. Can only process so much shapes.

They can only add or break out never truly delete + that's why there's residue on devices even after you delete.

Because that’s why they “understand” but never could be creative with concept.

That's why also the colors look so dull in certain AI, whitewashing, or the same portions  (Anime)

That it only look like a mixture of race or even mistaking color people for animals(Realist ones)

Or the fantasy is just only Eurocentric(Fantasy)

Making it stuck on the same “art style”, per AI version. Which will not be a issue for a small amount of production like commission artists but for mass production it is a different tale

The Overflooding of the market will de-value AI “art” or (filters is what they are).

⎝⎝𝕀𝕟 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕨𝕒𝕪?⎠⎠

Okay so lets start with cash value and trends because it is really important for products to thrive. 

For different things it will always depend on the market supply and demand. That’s why it is easier for things like (annoyingly) Food, Clothes, Water and Housing to be always on the market.’

All or Majority of products have laws on it to keep the finances state of the country stable and citizens.

Entertainment is really hard because you will have to rely on culture or adaption to change for trends.

Things like NSFW, Holidays and Country will mostly be permit Trends

Memes, Anime/Shows, and Movies will fall under fast Trends.

Also it is important to take notice their peers in a market

There’s Rivals, Providers Consumers and Platforms.

Platforms like Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook and YouTube needs to have a friendly family bases with their ad providers. While also needs respecting CC laws.

Trends will have a play: With Consumers you want a stable fanbase and a concentrated amount of new consumers on your product. 

But with art it is important to have a royal fanbase, expressly for companies like Adobe who is relent to keep users on.

Best way is to invested in education

Then also add variety to your products but it is hard with AI.

contracts protect both sides and written consent is given.

So AI artwork will have to most likely to look for artists/providers who is willing to provide their artwork but it is going to be harder now due to poor decisions of taking art without permission. (expanded on 4)

Which Majority of theses AI corps don’t have anything to really say their property against trademark brands like Disney. 

If in the future will likely sue to get rid of competition. 

Even if things does ran like adobe they could face lawsuits due to violating potential CC laws. Since some of the AI have Official artwork from other companies, trademarked properties.

(wink wink)

If Disney does go into AI you will most likely see mass suing of rivals to force their property to only be used by them for AI purposes.

Best way to evade this is to have those contracts and boundaries in user use in the first place on which AI corps lacked.

Legal issues will arise with competition in the future because not only many artists will be less incline now further to make a contract. Due to the approached theses companies made.

Then of course already lawsuits that took place for the fight on what is fair 

Example:

https://www.wired.com/2011/01/hope-image-flap/

The image print of Barack Obama ‘Hope’ poster where a lawsuit took place due to a artist taking a image a photographer made then recoloring it.

The Artist loss due to how it violates the photographer rights to a extent.

But the settlement in that both parties will profit from the image.

Now this can be easily applied to AI “art”, because the issue is how the “artist” took a resource without paying or consenting to the original party holder.

Now also looking at this in whole, there's international problems because AI corps took internationally too with their sources. Which can be more lawsuits on the way or even banning from certain areas.

Also the families of dead artists might also take legal action.

Protecting your art starts with a statement. Even if it might be “useless” it is better to have evidence they violated your clear boundaries. Do something like this of course do research.

“if you repurpose my art or redistribute it outside of my written consent under a contract. I have permission to sue you for (insert what you are own in percentages) amount of commerce. You are agreeing when you take my artwork you are violating my rights and property same if you are using AI version containing my art” Or something similar. As for the future, I feel like this will be a short trend that literally just a filter. NFTs did the exact same thing and look at them now in the dumpster.

This trend is the same as the NFTs, had the same problems It will be alright, people would still want original art work being made, expressly since the program cost money, just a filter and not for long term use in the long run.

- <3

[mymoodwriting]

Request for Anon (Yandere Cult NCT) 13.3k, yandere, drugs, needles, manipulation, stalking, harassment, psychedelics, cult mentality, mental abuse, verbal abuse, torture, kidnapping, mentions of self-harm, anxiety, home invasion

“You look like you need help.”

    This wasn’t the first time you had been approached on the streets, and you knew these types of people well enough to ignore them. Except this time around you didn’t have the energy to do it. So the nice gentleman, you think, caught onto that and now here you were.

“I’m just tired and would like to get home.”

“And who’s waiting for you there?”

“What? No one, it’s just me.”

“So you don’t have anyone.”

“Look, I just-”

“You should come with me then.”

    The gentleman took your hand and started pulling you along. You didn’t want to attract attention, and you didn’t have the strength to pull away so you begrudgingly followed. You were led into this small venue, another gentleman up on a stage talking to the crowd. There were a decent amount of seats filled, but plenty of empty spaces too. The one who brought you had you sit between him and someone else you politely greeted. You figured you were stuck here until this was over, and might have fallen asleep if the speech hadn’t actually piqued your interest.

“Connections. They make us who we are, no matter how big or small they may be. The truth is we are connected to many of the things around us. Whether that be people or objects. I ask you all to take a moment and think about those connections, and what they say about you. Perhaps you think of a dear friend, remembering the good times you’ve spent together, and those that are yet to come. Or perhaps a certain object comes to mind, like a picture framed up at home, taking you back to a moment you immortalized forever. These connections hold us up and help us go on in our lives. They might even lead us to new connections.”

    You did think of home, of a blanket you slept with every night. You’ve had it since you were a baby, able to look back at old photos and see yourself with it. To this day it meant a lot to you, probably the thing you’ve had the longest, and it was just perfect to you. It held so many memories, good and bad, and you knew it would continue to do so for many years to come. You never realized how important it was until now, and that brought a smile to your face.

“I see some smiles, but as I’m sure you can tell, not many are aware of these connections in life. Which is why I believe it’s important to surround yourself with those who do, so you can forge strong connections and maintain them. To support one another through anything and everything. That’s what my community is all about, and I invite you to join us.”

    There was a screen behind the speaker, and it had the word connection in lower case on it. As the invitation to join came up it suddenly changed, a few letters becoming uppercase. The second N, then the C, and T. Along with that new letters appeared, going down, revealing a new name. Neo Culture Technology. It sounded vaguely familiar, but you couldn’t quite pinpoint it.

“Neo Culture Technology. NCT. Is a group that understands these connections, and supports one another. I, Lee Taeyong, started this group with the idea to unite everyone. Of course, that is most likely impossible in my lifetime, but it won’t stop me from creating my small community and believing it shall grow beyond me. I thank you all for coming, please enjoy some refreshments and mingle if you have the time. The people here are eager to make new connections.”

    After a moment there was applause, and then chatter filled the room. The two gentleman on either side of you greeted each other, seeming to be friends, before speaking to you.

“Hello, I’m Kun, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Y/n, hi.”

“And how did Hendery manage to bring you here? I hear he’s usually too much.”

“I am not!”

“Well he did kinda drag me here.”

“I… sorry, I just…”

“You didn’t actually hurt me, so I’ll let it go, but I don’t recommend doing that to someone else. They might not be as nice.”

“Noted. Shall we meet some others? Or do you need to go?”

“I can stay for a moment.”

“Awesome.”

    You followed the two over to where the people had gathered, getting a drink and a quick snack. Everyone was very nice, talking about mundane things, you kinda forgot you had been dragged here against your will. Although you still had to get home and sleep, you had work in the morning.

“I should really get going, but thanks for this.”

“No problem.” Hendery smiled. “I do hope to see you again.”

“We’ll see.”

“Actually.” Another gentleman suddenly approached you. “NCT is having a weekend getaway, we’ve rented out a campsite, and we’d love for you to join us.”

“Oh, I don’t know if I can do that…”

“You can think about it. Here’s my card. I’m Doyoung by the way.”

“Ah, thank you, and nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you as well. If you change your mind, give me a call by Thursday evening so we can add you to the list.”

“Alright, thanks.”

    You made your way out of the venue, checking the time. It was late, but the whole event hadn’t been as bad as you thought. As you made your way home it lingered in your mind, even as you got ready for bed, and laid down in the sheets. The idea of forming meaningful connections was nice, but you had to get to sleep. Thankfully it came easy, and in the blink of an eye it was a new day and you had to drag yourself out of bed. You made it to the office in one piece, the day was uneventful until the afternoon.

“Working hard?”

“Always.”

“Well, how about you wind down? I’ve talked to the boss and they agreed to a company dinner tomorrow.”

“Oh, I won’t be-”

“You always skip out, you can’t be avoiding me right?”

    Jason was certainly the type who was full of himself and couldn’t understand why someone wouldn’t be interested in them. He has asked you out for coffee or dinner every now and then, and your answer was always the same. It wasn’t gonna stop him though.

“No, I just have plans already.”

“Do you now?”

“Yes.”

“Do tell. I’m curious what you do in your spare time. And don’t say it’s private, how else am I supposed to get to know you.”

“Uh… this group I’m a part of, we’re having a weekend getaway, and we leave Saturday morning, so I can’t be out late Friday night.”

“Oh, what kinda group? Can I join?”

“Not sure, it’s up to them.”

“You should-”

    You were grateful to whoever called Jason over, cutting the conversation before he kept poking at your lie. You continued with the rest of your day like normal. It wasn’t until you were home that you remembered what you said. You looked for the card Doyoung had given you, wondering if you should call. A part of you worried about getting caught in your lie, and there was no harm in going with this group of people, they all seemed friendly. So you swallowed your nerves and dialed the number.

“Hello?”

“Hi, this is y/n, I don’t know if you remember me.”

“Of course I do. Hendery brought you along, how have you been?”

“Good, good, and you?”

“Excellent. Now, is it safe to assume you’re calling about the camping trip?”

“Yes.”

“Wonderful. I’m glad to hear you’ll be joining us.”

“It sounds like fun.”

“It will be. So if you’ve got time, I just need some information from you. Any allergies, or diet restrictions we need to know about? Also let me know your address so we can have someone pick you up.”

     You gave Doyoung the necessary information, also noting his suggestions on what to bring with you, although you weren’t really comfortable with giving your address. You settle on getting picked up somewhere nearby.

“Alright. I’ll get all this sorted and have someone pick you up Saturday morning. I look forward to seeing you.”

“Me too.”

     You felt nervous again after the call, realizing what you had agreed to. Even if it was weird you had to remind yourself why you were doing this, and that it could really be fun. Everyone always said you needed to get out more, and this was one way of doing it. Once you calmed your nerves, and set a reminder for Saturday you managed to go to sleep, somewhat dreading but also relieved that tomorrow was nothing special. The day was like any other, and of course your coworkers were excited for dinner, but you weren’t going.

“How about you and me have dinner when you get back.” 

    Everyone was already closing their stations and grabbing their things, ready to eat. Although Jason came over to your desk, wanting to check in before he goes.

“You can tell me all about your trip.”

“Uh, we’ll see…”

“Have fun then.”

“You too.” 

     You stayed behind in the office for a bit, wrapping some things up before you made your way home. You bought some food on the way, getting to your place and winding down for a bit before packing up a bag and getting to bed. You made sure your alarm was set, and everything was ready. There was a bit of trouble sleeping, but you did manage to get some rest.

🖤

“Y/n! Over here.”

     Your alarm had gone off when it was supposed to, but you made the mistake of closing your eyes for a moment which was actually half an hour. You rushed out of bed and quickly gathered your things, rushing out to the meet up spot. As you arrived you heard your name and saw a familiar face. Hendery was there with a friend, the two waving you over.

“Sorry for being late, I didn’t mean to.”

“That’s alright. I’m sure some of the others are dragging as well. Come on, we can walk over to the bus.”

“Bus?”

“Yeah, Taeyong rented one out to take us all to the campsite together. He feels better having us all close.”

“I see.”

“Oh, this is Xiaojun by the way.”

“Hi, nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.”

     You all walked together a couple of blocks, enjoying the morning sun and blue skies. You talked a bit about the morning rush you all had experienced. Staying in bed and sleeping in would be nice, but the trip was exciting. Their energy slowly rubbed off on you, making you less nervous about the whole thing. When you arrived at the pickup spot, many others waved you over, smiles and joy everywhere.

“Y/n! So glad you’re joining us.” Kun gave you a polite hug. “We’re gonna have a lot of fun this weekend.” 

“I’m sure we are.”

“Let’s get you checked in.”

    Kun took you over to Taeyong, and you got a proper introduction. Your nerves suddenly came back, since he was the leader of this whole group.

“Hello…”

“It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard good things.”

“Have you?”

“Of course. I’m glad you decided to join us. If you don’t mind, could you fill this out, I just need to have your full name and number. And if your phone’s not fully charged you can ask Mark for a charger and power bank, we have cables for all types of phone. Do you have everything you need?”

“Yes, I’m all good. Thank you.”

“Alright. Everyone is almost here, so we’ll be leaving in a few minutes. I can take your bag and get it on the bus for you.”

“Thanks.”

    While Taeyong did that you filled out the form and handed it back. Once that was all done you got on the bus. Everyone was friendly and smiled at you, so you just took any empty seat you liked. That’s how you met someone new.

“Hi, I’m Jaemin.”

“Y/n.”

“Oh, pretty.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m glad we have someone new coming along with us.”

“Uh… am I the only one who’s not from your group?”

“Yeah. We invited plenty of people, but you’re the only one who came.”

“Oh…”

“Don’t be shy, I promise no one is gonna make you feel left out.”

“Agreed.” Someone peeked over from behind. “I’m Jeno by the way, nice to meet you.”

“Hello.”

“So, what do you do with your time?”

“I work in an office. It’s this insurance agency, and I work with advertising.”

“Oh, that’s pretty cool.”

“It’s just an office job really, and it pays the bills. What about you two?”

“I’m still studying.” Jeno said. “But I do a bit of modeling on the side.”

“Wow, that is really cool. You’ve certainly got the looks.”

“Oh please, I’m blushing.”

“I’m also studying.” Jaemin added. “And I have an internship with a tech company.”

“Nice. I’m glad to hear you guys are still studying.”

“It sucks at times.”

“But it’s very important.”

    The bus soon enough filled up, and Taeyong had everyone quiet down. He did a headcount, calling out names and making sure everyone who was supposed to be here was present. With that the bus started moving. You were told it was a simple two hour drive. Everyone seemed to get along with each other, obviously, you had no idea how long they had all known each other. Although you continued talking to Jaemin and Jeno, also meeting a few others along the trip. Everything was fine, although once you could see nothing but trees outside the window you got a bit anxious. 

    You were going out into the middle of nowhere, with a bunch of strangers. It really wasn’t the smartest idea. You tried not to look worried, but you were sure it might have caught on. Once you arrived Taeyong did a headcount again, telling everyone to grab their things and head up to the cabin to settle in before they grab breakfast and then start with activities. After grabbing your things Taeyong pulled you aside, letting you know that if at any point you wanted to leave, there was a car and he’d drive you back himself, no questions asked.

    Now you really felt called out, but at least you had some relief knowing there was some understanding to your situation, being the only outsider, and that you weren’t trapped or obligated to stay here. Taeyong went with you to the cabin, once again doing a headcount when everyone was there. The place wasn’t a small cabin, but seemed more like a resort. There weren’t any individual rooms, so everyone would sleep together in the main hall. You’d all be staying for one night only, so that seemed reasonable. There were lockers to put your things in, and the important facilities were pointed out. Once that was all done everyone gathered in the mess hall for some breakfast. This was truly the embarrassing part.

“Everyone, quiet down.”

    Taeyong got atop one of the tables, speaking over everyone else and getting them to be quiet. He thanked everyone for coming, especially you, and suddenly all eyes were on you. This was his way of properly introducing you to everyone, making you extremely shy. No one teased you, but everyone was very happy to say hello and get acquainted. It also made sure conversations kept going and you never felt neglected. After breakfast it seemed that you’d all be going on a little hike. The group had been here before, and enjoyed taking in the scenes of nature. They were also very excited to show you, which also kept you from getting so nervous.

    It was said to be better to split off into groups of six so no one felt excluded or alone. You got put with Taeyong, Doyoung, Jungwoo, Mark, and Yuta. They were all super friendly, and gave you a lot of attention. Being the outsider also gave them the excuse to constantly point things out to you and ramble a bit about the trees, leaves, the birds, and the ponds. They were honestly all really cute, and you actually enjoyed the little hike, getting to know them more along the way. You actually had a picnic around lunch time together, having found a nice clearing to set up on. It was a really beautiful experience, and a good way to rest. After that you returned to the cabin and regrouped with the rest.

    Everyone had stories to share, which was perfect as people were mixed around to help prepare for the night. You were helping with refreshments, finding yourself between Haechan and YangYang, squeezing oranges and trying not to make a mess. You wound up talking a lot, rambling out of nervousness and excitement, having been enjoying your day so far, and they were happy to listen. As it began to get dark the grilling and set up for dinner started, Taeyong also suggesting everyone take turns cleaning up for the night.

    You were one of the last to shower, and by the time you stepped outside the smell of food was in the air, and a few campfires were going with people roasting marshmallows. You got something to eat, finding a spot to sit, getting thanked for all your work with the refreshments. It really felt like a party now, food and laughter in the air, making it so easy to forget your troubles. Although as the sky got darker, and everyone had food in their bellies, things kinda got serious. Taeyong brought everything back to connections, how everyone here was connected, and that they were here for each other.

    You were all out in the woods alone but together, so he opened up the time to just talk about things that might be on someone’s mind. Things ranged from being nervous about school or work, about possible opportunities on the way. It got deep, some sharing their concerns about where they’re going in life, and that certainly struck a chord with you. Your silence and minor zoning out was noticed by Sicheng, who was sitting by your side. He stepped away for a moment and then returned, handing you a glass of juice and asking if you were alright. You thanked him for the drink, taking a sip.

“I’m good… just thinking…”

“Do you wanna talk to the group?”

“I don’t think I could. You all know each other, it’d be like intruding…”

“But you’re here with us, you’re one of us. And if you don’t see it like that, we are just a bunch of strangers to you, who better to unload on.”

“I suppose…”

“Go on then. Guys!” Sicheng got everyone to quiet down. “Go ahead.”

“Uh… well…”

“What’s on your mind?”

“I don’t… I don’t know…  I’m like… alright financially, but I feel like I’m not going anywhere… like I’m stuck… work is just where I go, and I just can’t find the strength or even need to socialize with the people around me… I feel like something’s wrong with me…”

“That’s hardly the case.” Taeyong spoke. “It sounds like you lack connections in your life, and that’s not entirely your fault. If those around you aren’t willing to connect, all your efforts come off in vain. There’s nothing wrong with you, it just seems those people aren’t appreciating you.”

“Which is bullshit, by the way.” Ten added. “You’re wonderful, and people should be way nicer to you.”

    Suddenly getting showered with compliments made your face burn. You had to politely ask them to stop, and that’s how the night really began to wind down. By then you were all gathered around the biggest campfire. After who knows how long Taeyong suggested that those who were tired should get to bed. A few got up and headed inside, but you stuck around for a while longer, enjoying a few more smores and watching the pretty fire. After a third yawn you retired for the night, finishing your drink and going inside. 

    You cleaned up a bit more before changing into something to sleep in and finding a place in the main hall. Plenty of sleeping bags, blankets, and pillows were stacked against the walls by the entrance, so you grabbed what you wanted and found a nice place to lay down. The exhilaration of the day was slowly fading, and exhaustion was engulfing you. This wasn’t your room or your bed, but you found it easy to fall asleep, closing your eyes and snuggling the sheets, drifting off into dreamland.

🖤

    You opened your eyes to find the morning sun on your face. It was nice, but after a moment you remembered there weren’t any windows that low in the main hall. You quickly sat up, realizing you weren’t where you had laid down to rest. Instead you were on a couch in a room you did not recognize. You looked around, trying to understand your situation, and find a way out of this place. The panic was bubbling up, but suddenly you found that you were not alone, finding a familiar face.

“Sleeping well?”

    You watched Taeyong come down the spiraling stairs, offering you a smile and then standing by the windows, looking out at the skyline.

“Where am I…”

“Somewhere safe. It’s honestly amazing you’re here. So, tell me, what made you decide to come on our trip?”

“Uh… well I thought it’d be fun… a nice weekend getaway to unwind.”

“Is that so?”

‘I just have plans already… this group I’m a part of, we’re having a weekend getaway… I can’t be out late Friday night…’

    Your disembodied voice came from out of nowhere, and it actually scared you. Although you had no idea how this was possible. You knew these words weren’t said to Taeyong or anyone in NCT, and yet here they were. Taeyong moved over to sit across from you, his demeanor giving nothing away.

“What the…”

“Did you really come out here to avoid someone?”

“What?”

“That’s quite a big move. Do they bother you that much?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“It’s important to be open with one another when forming a connection, and to support each other. If you need us, or anything, we’re here for you.”

“Uh…”

“Shall we connect?”

    Taeyong held his hand out to you, a gentle smile on his face. Nothing made sense, and yet you felt a subtle compulsion to take his hand, to accept it, his offer, regardless of what it meant. Although as you began to move closer to him, reaching out, everything faded to black.

🖤

    You felt warm all over as you began to regain consciousness. You thought to yourself the sleeping bag was just that warm, although as you opened your eyes you realized the truth. You found yourself sandwiched between Jaehyun and Johnny, practically cuddled up in their arms. You tried to wiggle your way out of their grasp, waking them up in the process, and they both immediately moved away.

“Sorry, sorry, I didn’t… shit, sorry.”

“I don’t usually move in my sleep, we’re so sorry.”

“I’m fine… are you guys okay? Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah, yeah…”

“Why are you so loud?” Jisung sat up from his place, glaring. “It’s too early.”

“Sleepy head.” Johnny teased. “Others are already up and gone.”

“Then go too, I wanna sleep some more.”

“Okay, okay, let’s go see what’s for breakfast.”

    The two others excused themselves, apologizing again. You stayed put for a while, still sleepy but also vaguely thinking about the dream you had just had. It was so weird and made no sense, but those were dreams. You got up and freshened up for the morning, going into the mess hall for some breakfast. It was a little more quiet than before as everyone was still waking up. Everyone said good morning, asking if you slept well. You did, not mentioning the weird dream, but at least you were very warm.

    Once everyone was up and had eaten, the day was really sunny, and it was perfect weather to enjoy the lake. You brought a swimsuit along, but you hadn’t realized what going for a swim meant for the others. You swear you had never been surrounded by so many shirtless men. You had to stop yourself from staring too long, and were grateful the water was keeping you cool. There were plenty of water activities to keep you busy, and everyone stuck around the dock to enjoy lunch. Some began to complain about the start of the week, but what mattered was the enjoyment of the present. After lunch you all hung around for a while longer before having to go back to the cabin and clean up. It was time to head home.

    You helped make sure the campgrounds were clean, and double checked the main cabin to make sure no one had left anything behind. Taeyong did a headcount as everyone boarded the bus, doing it again inside before you all hit the road. You found yourself staring out the window, still a little sleepy, but overall glad you had fun this weekend. By the time you arrived back in town you felt a bit sad that it was over. Taeyong counted again to make sure everyone had made it back, and thanked everyone for coming out. They grabbed their things, and said their goodbyes to the group.

“Do you want me to walk you back the way we came?” Hendery asked. “Or would you be okay going yourself?”

“Uh… I should be fine alone.”

“Nonsense.” Xiaojun chimed in. “We should walk with you, it’s only fair. Come on.”

    You honestly didn’t mind the company, sharing your favorite moments from the weekend on your way. You thanked them again for accompanying you, and wished them well on the rest of their day. You parted ways there, going to your apartment and collapsing on the couch. Now that the little trip was over you could reflect on how you had actually gone with a bunch of guys to a campsite and had a lot of fun in like two days, way more fun than the last two months. You checked your phone to see if you had missed anything, but there weren’t any notifications or unread messages, not surprising.

      You ordered some food later on and just wound down for the day with TV. As you were getting ready for bed your phone chimed, multiple times, and it was certainly confusing. When you checked you saw that you had been added to a group chat, NCT’s group chat. Some were already talking about getting together for dinner Monday, and now everyone was responding with their availability. Eventually the question was directed at you, but you only said you’d think about it. You set the chat on mute and got into bed, dreading the tomorrow, but you couldn’t stop it, so might as well get some good sleep.

🖤

“So, how was your trip?”

    You had completely forgotten how your Friday night went, so when Jason popped the question Monday morning you panicked a bit. The weekend was suddenly a jumbled mess in your mind.

“Uh… good. We did some hiking and swam out in the lake.”

“Oh, did you have smores?”

“Yup. I burned a marshmallow or two.”

“Well, how about you tell me more over dinner?”

“Another company dinner? So soon?”

“No, I was thinking just the two of us.”

“Oh… I already have plans for tonight. Sorry.”

“Your little group again?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, rain check on that dinner then.”

“Ok.”

    Jason caught you off guard with that request, and even though you didn’t intend to go to dinner with the others, that just spilled out of your mouth as a way to avoid Jason’s request. You didn’t have to go, but now that you put the idea out there you were considering it. At the end of the day Jason wished you well, and that was a good enough push to go. You were also somewhat worried Jason would follow you to make sure you weren’t lying, so you were going. You didn’t send a message ahead, and just showed up, your presence met with cheers.

“Y/n! So glad you could make it.”

    You were greeted by Johnny, Ten, Jeno, Jaemin, Yuta, Xiaojun, Renjun, Shotaro, and Sungchan. Their energy rubbed off on you quickly, and you took a seat between Yuta and Shotaro. Food was already cooking, and you ordered a drink. The conversations were about the day, and how Mondays always seem to drag.

“So, you work in an office.” Jeno questioned. “Right?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“You got any office drama to share.”

“Oh well, I don’t really socialize with my coworkers.”

“But you must hear everything.” Ten said. “Right?”

“Uh…”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to share. I get it if you only focus on your work.”

“Well it’s hard not to listen in…”

“Oh, so what’s going on?”

“One of the girls in my office… she has a picture of her and her boyfriend on her desk, I believe his name is Eric. Yet I’ve heard her on a personal call in the bathroom on more than one occasion where she’s talking to someone named Maurice. The way she talks to them… sounds like a boyfriend too… so I think she’s like playing two guys.”

“Damn, that’s dangerous.” Renjun commented. “How long has that been going on?”

“Since I’ve heard, at least two months now, but it could be longer.”

“That’s crazy.”

“It explains why she’s always dressed so nice and stuff, she’s got two boys buying her things.”

“I wonder how she dates them.” Johnny questioned. “Do they alternate weekends?”

“Maybe it’s a threesome.” Shotaro said. “That’d be hot.”

“I doubt it.” You countered. “She can barely handle her assignments, I doubt she could manage two guys.”

“What about you?” Yuta asked. “You dating?”

“Me? No, I haven’t really dated.”

“Ever?”

“Yeah…”

“So you’re a virgin?” Jaemin teased. “Right?”

“Uh…”

“Jaemin, behave.” Ten hissed. “Let’s just enjoy the food and the wonderful company we have tonight.”

    Thanks to Ten the conversation shifted, some of the others sharing workplace gossip. You stepped away for a moment to use the restroom and came back, checking the time. It was getting late and you knew you needed to get home. Even though it seemed like they were going to keep going, you had to excuse yourself first. Xiaojun offered to walk you to your little drop off location, and everyone agreed, they didn’t want you walking alone at night. You couldn’t refuse, and you wouldn’t have either way.

“Have a good night, sleep well.”

“You too, night.”

    You made it back to your apartment safe and sound, happy with how the night went. You got ready for bed and crawled under the sheets, cuddling yourself. At least you ended the day on a good note, so even if you had work in the morning, it didn’t bother you as much. You closed your eyes and peacefully drifted off to sleep.

🖤

“You’re running from someone, why?”

    Your eyes shot open when you heard a familiar voice, finding yourself back in that weird living room space, Taeyong staring at the night skyline outside the window. As you sat up he turned back to you, that gentle smile from before. He sat across from you, watching you, waiting.

“What?”

‘I already have plans for tonight… sorry’

    Hearing your voice from some unknown place startled you, just like last time. You hadn’t seen Taeyong since you returned, and you said these words at work. It made no sense for him to know any of this, yet he did, and his expressions gave nothing away.

“I wouldn’t say you’re lying, but you are running away from this person… aren’t you? Jerry, is it?”

“What is this?”

“I’m just trying to help you understand.”

“Understand what?”

“Why you need us.”

“Excuse me?”

“Twice now we’ve invited you into our circle, and you’ve accepted twice, not necessarily of your own will, but as a means of escape.” Taeyong chuckled. “I might have taken offense to that, using us as your scape-goat, but you’re comfortable and open around us, have been from the start, and that’s very good.”

“I don’t…”

“But why are you running to us? Are you aware of the answer? That you know we can protect you.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about and-”

    You felt so out of control in this situation, and it was annoying you. Taeyong was stepping out of lines in ways you couldn’t even understand. You stood with the intention of leaving, doing anything besides listening to him, but as soon as you stood you collapsed, sinking back into darkness.

🖤

    You inhaled sharply as you woke up, taking in your surroundings to ground yourself in reality. You took some deep breaths, reminding yourself everything was just a meaningless dream, and the sooner you thought of other things, the sooner it’d fade away. When you looked over at the clock you saw that you were up before your alarm, and you didn’t think you’d be able to fall asleep again. Since you had some time, and your mind was still on the dream, you figured you’d do something you should have done from the beginning. You searched the web for information on NCT.

    At first you got the basic information. NCT was a gaming company focused on the development of VR and AR technology. It wasn’t a big company, and the tech wasn’t really perfected or well enough for general market consumption. That explained why the name sounded familiar, but you had to look it up to get an answer. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, until you went beyond the company information. You found some forum talking about them, specifically those gatherings and presentations they have. You weren’t the first to take interest in their words, and it seemed some approached them with an interest to know more, but it all seemed to go the same way.

    Many on the forum reported having strange dreams after getting close to NCT, and those same people from the group approaching them more often. It started off innocent, invitations to socialize and one could really get to know them, but the strange dreams persisted. Furthermore, the group themselves became more persistent in their attempts to socialize, and get to know them. It got to a point of borderline harassment, and many had to make reports, change numbers, or even move away to get them to leave them alone. None of that sounded good, nor was it something you wanted to deal with either. Although you thought maybe those things could be exaggerated, as who doesn’t lie on the internet.

    Your alarm going off was your sign to stop searching the web and get ready for work. Your thoughts lingered on NCT and what you read but you didn’t let it bother you too much. You made it to your job without issue, going about your day. It was mostly quiet until lunch time, when Jason asked you to join him. There was no excuse this time, and you honestly felt like you owed him, so you agreed, somewhat reluctantly. He was overjoyed, talking about a good place as you made your way down. Once you stepped outside you were met with an unexpected surprise.

“Y/n.”

    When you heard your name called you looked over, seeing a familiar face approach you, it was Kun. He seemed excited to see you, meanwhile you were confused how he found you.

“I’m glad I caught you before you went out. Shall we?”

“What?”

“Lunch.”

“Sorry” Jason cut in. “But y/n is having lunch with me. I think you’re outta luck”

Kun scoffed. “I believe you’re the one out of luck here. Y/n already agreed to go with me.”

    Before you could say anything, Kun grabbed you and pulled you to his side, although Jason quickly reached over to grab you too.

“Let her go.” Kun stated. “Before you cause a scene.”

“You’re the one causing a scene.”

“Y/n, it’s okay to admit you forgot about today. I understand work must keep you busy.”

“Uh…”

“Just tell him that and let’s go. I don’t want you rushing through a meal.”

    You looked between the two, not really sure what to do. You didn’t like this situation either way, and there was no way you got out of it alone. You had seconds to think, and you made the choice that would benefit you more.

“Sorry, Jason. It really must have slipped my mind. Tomorrow, lunch, for sure, I promise.”

    Jason sighed and let you go, telling you both to enjoy yourselves. You offered an apologetic smile, and suddenly Kun pressed a kiss to your cheek.

“Let’s go.”

    He grabbed your hand and pulled you along as you held your cheek, shocked by his actions. You also had no idea if anyone else saw that. Still, you followed him, going to a nice cafe and enjoying your lunch break. Kun didn’t bring up what happened outside your job, just wanting to talk about you and make you smile. Despite the situation, you did have a good time, but there was something you had to say.

“Kun.”

“Yes?”

“I’ve had a great time hanging out with you, all of you, but this is where I must part ways.”

“Huh?”

“I need to focus on other things, and I don’t really think this group is for me.”

“Ah… I see…”

“I hope you understand and can relay the message to the others.”

    You didn’t want to hear anything else, so you got up and thanked Kun for the meal. Although he grabbed your arm and held you back for a moment. His grip was gentle, but you knew he’d hold on if you tried to move. When you looked at him, he didn’t meet your eyes, simply keeping his gaze ahead.

“Don’t believe everything you read.”

    Those words sent shivers down your spine. You couldn’t articulate anything, and Kun let you go. For a moment you stood there frozen before you scurried out of the cafe. Your mind was running, thinking about what he meant, but you tried not to let it bother you. Surely anyone who looked up NCT on the web would find what you did, and your decision wasn’t all because of that. Once you were back in the office you could calm yourself down. Quickly removing yourself from that group chat without looking at any other messages.

“Are you okay?”

“Huh?” You looked up to see Jason. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You don’t look so good.”

“I guess lunch didn’t agree with me.”

“I see… I’ll do better tomorrow.”

“Huh?”

“Tomorrow, lunch together.”

“Right, right.”

“I’ll let you get back to work then.”

    The rest of the day kinda dragged, so you were grateful when it finally came to an end. You made your way home, and sighed in relief when you closed the door. You were looking forward to sleeping, kicking your shoes off and making your way inside.

“You shouldn’t believe everything you read on the internet.”

    You screamed and jumped, looking over to see someone sitting on your couch. It was Taeyong. Now you were visibly shaking, he had broken into your apartment and you had no idea what he was going to do. Somehow you regained the sense to think straight, and you turned around with the intention to run, only to bump into Johnny. He smiled down at you, gently pushing you back.

“We’re not gonna hurt you.” Johnny cooed. “We’d never do that.”

“How… why…”

“We can’t lose synchronization.” Taeyong spoke as he got up. “So this is necessary.”

    Johnny flipped you around and held you in place as Taeyong approached you. Your heart was pounding in your chest, and you desperately tried to get away, but soon enough two others approached from your sides, Jaehyun and Jungwoo, boxing you in. As Taeyong stood before you he reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a small vial and a needle. You watched as he filled the needle with an unknown substance. Jaehyun wound up grabbing your face and pulling your head to the side to expose your neck.

“Please… please don’t do this!”

“You’ll be fine.” Taeyong assured. “Promise.”

    Out of the corner of your eye you could see the needle coming closer, eventually feeling the pinch on your skin. You whimpered, but there was nothing you could do. Jaehyun let you go when it was over but Johnny kept his hold on you. Taeyong reached over and gently caressed your cheek. You were starting to feel sleepy, even though fear still gripped you right.

“Please…”

“Sh, just sleep. I’ll see you soon.”

    You couldn’t stop yourself from slipping under, drowning in the darkness with no idea when you’d see the light again.

🖤

    You gasped as you came to, your mind trying to catch you up on everything that happened. Taeyong and others broke into your apartment and attacked you, drugged you. Now you had no idea where you were, and as you took in your surroundings you became very confused. Everywhere you looked it was dark, the only light coming from all the little dots. It looked like you were staring up at a starry sky no matter which direction you faced. You slowly stood, seeing the ground was the same, and you were partially afraid you’d sink into this void, but it seemed like you were walking on air.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

    You turned around to find Taeyong, who quite literally appeared out of nowhere. He was dressed in white robes, and that’s when you realized you were dressed in a similar fashion.

“Where am I? What is this place? What did you do to me!?”

“I know you have a lot of questions, but now isn’t the time for them.”

“What?”

“Today is just for establishing a connection. We’ll have a proper induction when the time is right.”

“I…”

    Taeyong grabbed you and pulled you into his arms. He rocked you gently to the side, rubbing your back and softly humming. You started to feel something climbing up your legs. It felt warm yet cold. You pulled away enough to look down, seeing that this galaxy was rising up and swallowing you. When you tried to move, Taeyong just held you tighter.

“There’s no need to be afraid.”

“What is this!?”

“Salvation.”

    You couldn’t move your legs anymore, you felt like you were paralyzed down there. Taeyong wasn’t though, he held you and began laying you back. He was all you could see, the starry skies filling up every other inch of your vision. You held onto him, not wanting him to drop you into whatever this was, but it seemed that he intended to go down with you.

“You can close your eyes if you want.”

    Soon enough you felt that same warmth and chill against your back, your grip on Taeyong getting more desperate. It didn’t stop anything, as you felt this substance engulfing your body inch by inch. You couldn’t help but shut your eyes and hold your breath as you felt it at the back of your neck. Once you were completely under you felt like you were floating. You couldn’t feel Taeyong anymore, you seemed to be alone. Whatever this was, it was terrifying, but as you remained in this limbo, you couldn’t help this feeling of peace overtaking you. Even in this darkness, there was some form of comfort you couldn’t explain. You weren’t alone, not really, not anymore.

🖤

    You sighed softly as you woke up, laying still in shock over what had happened. You were in your bedroom, tucked in under the covers, safe and sound. You slowly got up, seeing that you had beat your alarm by a few minutes. You turned it off so it wouldn’t bother you, but you stayed in bed for a moment, staring up at the ceiling. You seemed to be okay, you didn’t feel weird or sore. Now you were wondering if everything had just been a dream, including the break in. From what you had read, and telling Kun you were done, maybe your worst fears got the best of you.

    Regardless of all that, you actually felt better. A sense of calm and peace swimming within you. It was nice to start the day in a good mood for once. You got up and got ready for work, going about your usual commute. Even the office appeared to be in a nicer light, so you felt that the day would be good. It honestly started off that way, but as the minutes ticked on, you began to feel this headache growing. You thought nothing of it, going to the breakroom to get some medicine, but it didn’t seem to help. Now you were struggling to focus, but you wanted to push through until the end of the day.

“So, are you still up for lunch?”

    As always, you kinda forgot about Jason, especially that you had agreed to lunch today. Despite your headache, you weren’t going to rain check on him again, better to get this over with, although you weren’t sure going out would be a good idea.

“Do you think we could order something and eat together in the break room? Gives us more time to enjoy our lunch break.”

“I like that idea. I’ll email you some restaurants and you let me know which one you prefer, it’s on me.”

“Oh, you don’t have to.”

“I insist.”

    Jason was kinda a nice person, and today of all days, you were seeing him differently. You always thought maybe he was trying to make a move, and not catching on that you weren’t interested, or not caring, but maybe he was just being nice, genuinely nice. No one else in the office really bothered to socialize with you outside of work inquiries. Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to make a friend. Although none of that made the headache any better. If anything you swear it was getting worse. Still, you didn’t want to ditch Jason, so you at least told yourself to have lunch, maybe some food will make you feel better, and if not, you’d head home early. 

    The two of you had the break room to yourselves at lunch time, and the food smelled delicious. As you ate you were starting to feel a bit better, thinking maybe this whole headache was because you skipped breakfast. You made idle chat with Jason, although he did a lot of the talking. Maybe you could get to know him like this, but it didn’t last long. It was probably half way through your lunch when you heard shuffling around the office. You thought someone was back early or had forgotten something when two gentlemen walked into the break room.

“Delivery.”

    Jason was confused, whereas you were annoyed. Yuta and Jungwoo were dressed up as delivery boys, having brought some food. They claimed it was for you, but you knew you hadn’t ordered anything.

“I think you guys have the wrong place.” Jason said. “I can show you out.”

“It’s for y/n.” Jungwoo smiled. “Her favorite.”

    You hated the fact that it was true, they brought food from your favorite place, and the smell let you know they picked out just the right dish. Still, their presence and all this didn’t make any sense.

“You guys need to leave.” You stated. “You got the wrong place and-”

“We don’t.” Yuta cut in. “Actually we came here for you.”

“Me?”

“Alright, you need to leave.” Jason ordered. “Or I’m calling security.”

“How’s the headache, y/n? Is it getting better?”

“Leave.” You hissed. “Now.”

“We can’t do that.”

“I am calling-”

    Jason intended to step out and get security but Yuta wound up jumping him, and getting him into a chokehold. Before you knew it your coworker was on the floor knocked out cold. You had gotten up and backed away from the scene, horrified. To add to everything, your headache had gotten severely worse, and you were having trouble thinking. You grabbed your head, struggling to figure out what to do.

“I know it’s messy.” Jungwoo said. “But Taeyong sent us to get you.”

“Go away… leave… leave me alone…”

“We can’t do that. You’re not okay right now.”

“And who’s… who’s fault is that…”

“This wasn’t supposed to happen.” Yuta added. “So let us help you.”

“No, no… stay back.”

    Of course you couldn’t do anything to stop them in your state. The fear and pain were mixing together, keeping you off balance. Before you knew it they both stood before you, tears stung your eyes, and Yuta reached up to wipe them away, holding your gaze.

“Everything’s going to be fine.”

    You felt Jungwoo gently pulling up your shirt, his hand touching your skin before you felt a pinch. You looked down just as Jungwoo pulled out the needle. An incoherent mess of words spilled out of your mouth in panic but it did nothing to stop the darkness creeping into your vision. Your legs gave out first and Yuta caught you in his arms. You could vaguely see his lips moving, but no sound made it to your ears. Instead you just closed your eyes, at least glad that the headache would stop for a while.

🖤

    When you regained consciousness you found yourself in bed once again. For a moment you thought getting up and going to work and all that was just another dream, but you opened your eyes to confirm you realized you were wrong. You weren’t in your bedroom, instead somewhere else entirely, you were in someone else’s room. You sat up looking around, well aware that wherever you were, this place was fancy. The sheets were soft and the bed was very comfortable. Although most noticeably your headache was completely gone. 

“You’re awake.”

    You were about to get out of bed when you heard a door open. Taeyong entered the room. He seemed happy to see you but you weren’t.

“Where am I?”

“My home.”

“Yours?”

“This is the Resonance Hotel, penthouse suite, my place.”

“And why am I here?”

“To rest and recover. I should apologize. What happened to you doesn’t usually occur. Although it is a good sign.”

“A brain splitting headache is not a good sign! What the hell did you do to me!”

“Formed a connection. Usually it settles on its own over a couple of days, but the headache is a result of rapid growth.”

“You’re speaking gibberish to me.”

“It’s hard to articulate, but you’ll need to stay with me for a while until things settle.”

“Why!”

“Because I am the core, and your mental stability is very important. As long as you’re by me, you’ll be fine.”

“You kidnapped me.”

“I could sense your distress and sent two of my boys to collect you.”

“Kidnap.”

“If that’s how you want to see it.”

“No, that’s what you did, and I refuse to be your captive.”

    You got out of bed and stormed past Taeyong, figuring the door to leave was down the path he came. Now that you knew you were in a hotel your surroundings made sense. When you left the bedroom you found a hallway, and you just picked a direction. You wound up in the living room, seeing some of the others playing games. They all turned to you, confused, and a few made attempts to stand, but Taeyong stopped them.

“Leave her. The elevator to the lobby is down that way.”

    Whether he lied or not, you went that way, figuring you’d find a way out yourself eventually. Taeyong didn’t follow, but one of the gamer boys did, Haechan. He didn’t say anything but his presence was creepy enough. You ignored him though, continuing your path and determined to get away from all of them. You could already feel the bits of a headache coming on, but you ignored them. When you saw the elevator you were relieved, hitting the button and stepping inside. You tried to shut the door quickly but Haechan made it in with you. He gave you a proud smirk.

“I’ll escort you.”

    You stuck to a corner, letting Haechan hit one of the only buttons he could, the down arrow. He kept his back to you, but you were still weary of the whole thing. The display only showed that the elevator was moving down, and you could feel it. Although you definitely had no idea how many floors this hotel had, and every moment that passed you felt the headache getting worse.

“Oh, you might want this.”

    Haehcan turned back and held out your phone. You felt so stupid for simply walking out without thinking about it. You took it back without a word, seeing that you were already shaking. It was getting hard to think, like before, but maybe it was just the panic from the whole situation, or feeling trapped in this little box with a stranger. You certainly felt like you couldn’t breath, sinking down to the floor, grabbing your head. Every second that passed made it worse and worse you felt your head was going to explode.

“Sta… stop… stop, stop, stop.”

    Haechan hit the stop button, and even though it didn’t fix anything, you certainly weren’t feeling any worse. You had no idea what this was, but you wanted it gone, you wanted it to stop.

“You made it pretty far, I’m impressed.”

“What’s… what’s happening…”

“The connection has to settle, and you need to be with Taeyong for that to go smoothly. You’d be in worse pain if I wasn’t here to help, even if just a little.”

    The receptionist down at the lobby called in to make sure if everything was alright. Haechan confirmed that you were both fine, and then he hit the up arrow button. You didn’t want to go back up, and even if you didn’t really understand your situation, that seemed to be your only option. The pressure in your head started to fade away, and you felt more in control of yourself, but it didn’t change your destination. You felt better by the time the elevator doors opened, seeing you were back in the penthouse.  You didn’t move though, you didn’t want to, but you couldn’t stay there either.

“Come on, let’s get you back to bed.”

    Haechan helped you to your feet, keeping his arms around you as he walked with you. Those you passed by didn’t say anything, and you wound up back in what you believed to be Taeyong’s room. He was waiting for you, sitting on the bed reading a book.

“Are you alright?”

“Asshole.”

“Some sleep should do you good.”

“How long are you going to keep me here?”

“It depends, but given how far you went just now, perhaps a day or two.”

“Excuse me!”

“It’s already pretty late. You should sleep and I’ll have something brought over later for dinner.”

    It was clear he wasn’t gonna give you any answers, so you might as well just get some rest. Taeyong wasn’t gonna move, so you laid down as far from him as possible, keeping your back to him. By now your headache was gone, so at least there was that. Although you didn’t actually want to go to sleep, you’ve had weird dreams about Taeyong before, you had no idea what would happen with him so near. So you were just quiet, more or less pretending to sleep, trying to figure out how you could get out of here.

    Later on food was brought over and Taeyong gently shook you to wake you. He didn’t seem to know you hadn’t fallen asleep as he was busy with his book. You were hungry, but you weren’t sure you could trust the food. Still, if they were going to do anything to you, they would have done it by now. So you just ate a bit, enough to get you through the night. Taeyong didn’t say anything in that regard, simply excusing himself for a moment. You thought your headache would return the moment he left the room, but you were absolutely fine. That made you realize that maybe this was all some elaborate trick.

    Something was done to you the other night, and that must have caused the headache. It didn’t get better until you were here. And on the elevator, you weren’t alone, Haechan could have done something to you as well. Perhaps if you could leave without any of them knowing, none of them could actually stop you. Since it was late now, the windows revealing the sun had gone down, you just needed to wait for everyone else to fall asleep. That was the plan, and you just needed to wait for your moment. When Taeyong returned he got ready for bed, telling you to do so as well, and you complied with that.

    Now you both were lying in bed in the dark, and you kept your back to him. All you had to do was not fall asleep. You were tired, but determined, so that helped you stay awake. Your mind would wander, trying to find anything to distract yourself with. After what felt like enough time you reached over for your phone on the nightstand, carefully checking the time, it was one in the morning. You slowly sat up, not wanting to make too much noise. When you looked over at Taeyong he seemed sound asleep, and you carefully whispered his name, checking to see if he’d wake up, but he didn’t respond.

    You continued to move cautiously as you got out of bed and made your way out of the room. Even if the place was big, any sound could wake the whole place, so you had to remain quiet. You could more or less see the way you needed to go, careful not to make the floors creak too bad as you walked around. After an eternity you made it to the elevator, hitting the button. You felt completely fine, adding to your theory that they were messing with you somehow. You stepped into the elevator and quickly closed the doors behind you, letting out a breath of relief when you started moving down.

     Slowly, but surely, the headache began to appear. It wasn’t bad like before, and you certainly felt that you had gone farther than before. This didn’t make sense, but maybe whatever they did had lingering effects. You could push through this, it wasn’t bad, and you were determined to get out. When the elevator doors opened you stumbled out, quick to lean against the nearest wall for support. You took a few steps before you needed to sit down, sliding down to the floor. You took some deep breaths, trying to focus your breathing and your thoughts. If you could get home, things would get better.

    You were grateful no one came across you like this, cause you had no idea what you would say, but you did start to feel better. In fact you could feel this headache starting to pass. It brought a smile to your face, knowing you were right. You looked at your phone to see how you’d get home from this place, when it was suddenly snatched from your hands. Your first thought was you’d have to chase after some thief, but you looked up to see Taeyong.

“I see you’re feeling better.”

    You swallowed nervously, not sure what to do in this situation. Taeyong browsed your phone for a minute before turning it off and putting it in his pocket. Of course your headache was completely gone now, but you refused to believe it was him.

“Let’s go back upstairs.”

    You scrambled to your feet with the intent to run, but Taeyong quickly caught you and put a hand over your mouth. He dragged you back over to the elevator, not letting you go until the doors closed. You tried to reach for the buttons but he held you back.

“That’s enough, stop it.”

“What the hell are you doing to me!”

    You were frustrated, scared, so completely lost you burst into tears. You had so many questions, but no answers, and everything around you just seemed impossible. You collapsed to the floor, crying into your hands. After a moment Taeyong sat down next to you, pulling you into his arms, gently rocking you and rubbing your head while he held you.

“It’s okay, let it all out, it’s okay.”

“What’s going on… please… please just tell me…”

“You don’t have to be afraid.”

“I am…”

“Sh, it’s okay, it’s okay.”

    When the elevator doors opened Taeyong tried to get you up, but you wouldn’t budge. He found your actions cute, so you both stayed put. The doors closed giving you both some privacy.

“You’re coming along nicely. You actually made it to the lobby.”

“Asshole…”

“I’m not, but why are you so mean to yourself?”

“Huh?”

“That coworker of yours, Jaymson or whatever, always hitting on you and making you uncomfortable, yet you think he deserves a chance?”

“What?”

“Or your job in general, working so hard and not getting recognized or a promotion. You’re doing so much for a company that doesn’t care for you.”

“I don’t… what are you talking about?”

“You know you deserve love, right? Actual, proper, love and care, not whatever it is you’ve been getting from those around you.”

“…”

“Even though you were shy you still came out with us, and you had a fun time too. You don’t have to feel like that once or twice every few months, it should be everyday. We’re here for you, and we can, we will, give you everything you could need. That’s what NCT is all about.”

“My… my head…”

“Most people connect on the surface, sharing memories and interests, but I have a way to make those connections much deeper, I can make them real. I’m in your head, and you’re in mine, and all the others. I suppose the simplest term would be telepathy, but it’s much bigger than that.”

“You’re in… my head… my dreams…”

“Dreams, such a beautiful canvas. There’s so much we have yet to show you.”

“Why… why me… why did you do this…”

“Because you wanted it.”

“No, no I… I didn’t… I don’t…”

“Even with just a small, temporary, connection you opened up to us, our compatibility was much higher than I’ve ever seen with anyone else. Deep down you knew what we were, what we’d give you, and you wanted it. Of course I saw you got scared, and if that grew too much we’d never be able to establish a true connection, even if you wanted it later on. I did this for you, because I know this is what you wanted, what you need.”

“You… you’re not… you’re not human…”

“Perhaps I’m not, I’m certainly greater than one.”

“But… but the headaches…”

“I’m sorry, I should have taken into consideration how well we bonded the first time. It’d surely mean you’d be far more sensitive to the connection process than others. It should settle soon enough, and then you’ll be back to normal, well, better than before.”

“Then why… why you…”

“I told you, I’m the core, the center, the beginning. Everyone connects with me first, and then I can open the door to everything else.” Taeyong kissed your head. “You really do need to rest.”

“I don’t… I don’t wanna go there… in my dreams…”

“I can do that.”

    Taeyong got you to your feet, walking with you back to the bedroom. You didn’t say much else, still processing the unbelievable nonsense he had told you, but you were also too tired to think. Taeyong tucked you in under the covers, carefully getting in himself. He gave you your space, although he stayed up to make sure you fell asleep, promising you’d sleep well. Whether you believed him or not, exhaustion was taking a hold of you, so you closed your eyes to get some much needed rest.

🖤

    In the morning you found yourself warmly wrapped up in Taeyong’s arms, seeing that he was deep in sleep. You had slept fine, no dreams at all. Although it made you feel kind of empty.

“Afternoon…”

“Huh?”

“Is it not?” Taeyong peeked an eye open. “Is it actually morning?”

“I’m used to waking up early…”

“Alright. I’ll text someone to come take you for breakfast.”

“I can’t leave?”

“Given last night, not yet.”

“Right…”

“Ya.”

“Hm?”

“After lunch you should be alright to go, I’ll have someone drive you home.”

“Okay…”

    After a moment there was a knock at the door. Doyoung peeked his head in, gesturing for you to come with him. Taeyong had already gone back to sleep, and you quietly made your exit. You joined Doyoung and the others at the breakfast table. You were still weary about the food though.

“Come on, this stuff is the best.” Shotaro said. “You have to try some.”

“Uh…”

“Trust me, open wide.”

    You almost felt like a slight compulsion to do as he said, carefully leaning over to have a bite of what he was offering. It was good, as expected, and it made your stomach growl. A few chuckled, but nothing was really said. You would be leaving anyway, so you might as well enjoy the food. Shotaro was more than happy to feed you other things, petting your head every time you had a bite from him.

“Taeyong said you should be alright to go home after lunch.” Doyoung repeated. “So what do you want to do? You can go back to bed if you want.”

“I should really call in sick from my job first.”

“And after that?” Mark questioned. “How about some games?”

“Games?”

“You know we are a gaming company. We’ve got great VR set ups here. We could play some Among Us, Mini Golf, or some single player stuff.”

“Uh…”

“It’ll be lots of fun.” Chenle assured. “Trust me.”

“Sure… we can play some games.”

“Yes!”

    After breakfast, and calling off from work, you joined the others in their game room, seeing how big it was, and how the only danger from wearing a VR set would probably be hitting each other. You let them pick the games, just mainly tagging along, but you did have fun. It was a good way to pass the time, since before you knew it, it was lunch time, and you could go home. You thought of possibly seeing Taeyong before leaving, but you didn’t want to bother him. Although you were nervous about getting into the elevator. Taeil assured you that you’d be okay, and if you weren’t feeling well you could back.

    The trip down was fine, no headaches at all. It was the same for the trip home. You made it back in one piece, thanking Taeil for the ride. Once you were back in your apartment you felt more at ease, going to your own bedroom to lay down. It really wasn’t as comfy as Taeyong’s bed though. You had a while before bed anyway so you busied yourself with chores, somewhat pondering what has become of your life. You weren’t entirely sure you could believe what Taeyong had told you last night, but you were trying to make sense of things.

    Although in the end you weren’t entirely sure you could go back to them, regardless of how much you enjoyed their company. Being drugged and kidnapped weren’t qualities you should have in friends. That also meant it was probably time you really did better for yourself, making friends and finding a good person to be with. It was certainly a long and weird journey to reach that conclusion, but it was for the best in the long run. You showered and got into bed, ready to face another, but with a whole new outlook on life.

🖤

    No one really seemed to notice your absence, but you weren’t offended by that. Work really keeps you busy, and the same could be said about them, so one is bound to miss things. Especially the quiet girl. Of course only Jason was the one to notice, and you were actually worried about what he was going to say.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Uh… yeah… sorry about lunch the other day. I didn’t mean-”

“Don’t worry about it. I get your headache was killing you and you had to head home early. I’ve been there.”

“Yeah… still sorry…”

“Well, if you’re up for it, company dinner tonight. You in?”

“Uh… yeah, actually, I’d love to go.”

“Awesome. I’ll see you then.”

    The people around you were the ones you could connect with, and it was about time you made an effort. You weren’t exactly planning to leave this job anytime soon. At the end of the day you gathered your things like everyone else, following along for dinner. You heard a few whispering among themselves, rather surprised and annoyed you’d be joining them, probably because they weren’t used to your present. You wound up at the end of the table, Jason at your side to make sure you were kept in the conversations which you appreciated. You didn’t drink, but the others did, and Jason surely did.

    He wound up with an arm around you, making all kinds of jokes, some you were sure weren’t appropriate. Still, by the end of the night it seemed everyone had a good time. It wasn’t entirely the best for you but there were moments, and the food was delicious. You all saw your boss, and then everyone began going their separate ways. You were well aware Jason was in no condition to be alone, and he did hold onto you. He began mumbling compliments and thank yous for helping him out, but you figured it’s what a friend would do.

    You helped him get a cab, making sure he’d be getting home safely before sending him off. It was pretty late out by then, later than you’ve ever been out before. At least the place was close to your job, so it was only a few extra minutes on your commute. You went over to your usual bus stop, patiently waiting. The streets were mostly empty now, but the quiet and cool air was pretty nice. You spent your time on your phone, checking the bus time and browsing socials. You didn’t pay much attention to the cars passing by, and there didn’t seem to be anyone else to join you in your wait. So you didn’t really notice the four vehicles parking nearby.

“You are unbelievable!”

    You looked up to see Sungchan storming up to you, only for Johnny to grab him and hold him back. You were quite surprised to see them here, let alone so late at night. Although it wasn’t just them who had shown up.

“Sungchan, calm down.”

“After everything, they’re just gonna leave!”

“No, no, no, that’s not going to happen. They just need some guidance.”

“What are you guys doing?” You questioned. “Did you see me while you were passing by?”

“That’s funny.” Ten chuckled. “I didn’t think you’d be friendly with us.”

“What?”

“I thought you decided we couldn’t be friends. Cause friends don’t kidnap and drug you, that’s no fun.”

“How do you…”

“I see someone still doesn’t believe me.”

    Taeyong came up from behind you, placing his hands on your shoulders, startling you. When you looked back up at him, you saw this look of disappointment on his face.

“What are you…”

“We’re connected, remember. You, me, all of us. So I know, we know, every pretty little thought that goes through your head. I believed after our lovely chat the other day you’d come to realize that we’re your friends, we’re good people, and that you don’t need anyone else.”

“I appreciate the sentiment but-”

“Clearly. I was wrong. Instead I’ve led you down a path of self-harm. You willingly went out with all those people, put up with their hurtful words and looks, the harassment from that Jaime guy as well.”

“…” 

“That’s on me for letting you go too soon, and for that I must ask forgiveness. From you, and from my brothers. You’re young and new to all this, a child lost in the world. We’re here for you y/n, in every way imaginable.”

“I’m alright.” You stood up, stepping away from Taeyong. “Really. I enjoyed my time and-”

“We all know you’re lying.” Jungwoo said. “Don’t do that to yourself.”

“You guys, have a great thing going for yourselves, but it’s not for me. I appreciate that you’ve helped me grow, and that you’re worried about me, but I’m alright.”

“You’re not.” Kun stated. “Not by a long shot.”

“Look, I am trying to be nice here, but you all showing up like this and talking to me this way. It’s borderline harassment. I want nothing to do with your group, or you guys. So leave me alone or I will get the police involved.”

“Try it.”

    You rolled your eyes and intended to walk away. At this point you might as well get a cab and get yourself home. Although some of the boys blocked your path, and when you tried to walk another way, more cut you off. They had you surrounded.

“I am calling the police!”

“Go for it.” Jaemin chuckled. “I’d love to see this pretty little girl try to use a phone.”

“What the…”

    You ignored them, trying to keep calm despite the fear creeping up. You grabbed your phone, typing in the numbers, but for some reason you couldn’t hit the call button. Your hand started shaking, a sudden headache coming on. For a moment you lost your balance and stumbled a bit, Lucas catching you before you fell, but you quickly stepped away from him.

“Don’t touch me!”

“I thought you were calling the police?”

“I… I am…”

“Our little girl wouldn’t do that.” Yuta teased. “She has no reason to.”

“I do!”

“I don’t think she knows how to use that thing anyway.”

“Wa… what?”

    You looked down at your phone, seeing it glitch. You tapped at the screen but in that state it was useless. You were desperately trying to get it to work, also pushing back this headache, and in your clumsy state you wound up dropping it. You tried to reach for it only to watch it get crushed under a boot.

“You didn’t need that.” Jaehyun said. “Did you now?”

“You son of a-”

    You lunged at Jaehyun, wanting to hit him for his actions, but he stepped back, and in your state you wound up collapsing onto all fours. You were breathing heavily, trying to regain back any sense of control, and sense of self. But it was all too difficult.

“Get… get out… of my… my… head… please…”

“We’re connected now.” Taeyong reminded. “There’s no undoing that. You, me, all of us. We’re one. We move as one. We live as one. We think as one.”

You shook your head. “Get… out… leave me… alone…”

“Why would we do that? You don’t want to be alone, do you?”

“… please…”

“I know it all seems so scary now, but we’re doing this for you.” Doyoung assured. “You don’t have to be alone, unwanted, or unloved, ever again.”

“… no… not like… this…”

“I understand you can’t see the bigger picture right now, but you will. One day. I promise.”

“It’s late.” Renjun reminded. “We should go home.”

“Agreed. We don’t want her getting sick.”

    Tears rolled down your cheeks, dripping onto the floor. You had no idea what was going on, but fear gripped you tight. You had to run, you had to fight. Perhaps that rush of adrenaline was all you needed. Someone helped you up to your feet, and you just elbowed them in the face. Maybe it was also your mild state of delusion that gave you strength, and so the small moment of confusion gave you clarity, and a chance to run. You had no idea where you were going but you just needed to find people, someone, anyone, who could help you.

“No one is going to help you!” Jisung shouted. “There’s only us!”

    You screamed and collapsed to the ground, holding your head. You felt like your brain was on fire, and there was nothing you could do to put it out. You continued screaming, letting the pain engulf you, hoping maybe your cries would be heard, and help would could.

“We said no one is going to help you.” Haechan knelt down at your side. “It’s just us out here, and in there.”

    He playfully tapped your head, and you continued to scream, your tears blurring your vision. Eventually you felt hands grab you, lifting you up and holding you there. The headache began to subside, but your throat was sore, and you felt so drained. You couldn’t escape, and there was no hope for you.

“There is hope sweetie. We’re here for you, we’ve got you.” Taeil caressed your cheek. “We’ll start over okay, a clean slate. Everything will be alright, you’ll see.”

“Liar… you’re all… liars… psychos… monsters!”

“No, no, no, we’re far from that.” Taeyong cooed. “We’re basically the definition of perfection. You’re one of us now, you belong with us, you belong to us. We’re so happy to have you cause you’re perfect, just like us. We’ll make you perfect.”

“… no… no, no, no!”

    You didn’t care that you’d scream yourself hoarse, that your thrashing would only further exhaust you. If this was it, then you were gonna go down fighting. You didn’t expect to break free, and you also didn’t expect Taeyong to grab your chin and hold you still, his eyes staring deeply at yours.

“Let me save you some trouble. Fighting will get you nowhere. We’re all one.” Taeyong pressed his head against yours. “One mind, one being. To exist as one we must have perfect synchronization, and absolutely no disruptions. You’re still new to all this and resistant, so you’re the disruption. A disruption we will fix. So it’s far better you give up and give in to us, to me. You’re not gonna win no matter what you do. Your thoughts, your will, your sense of self, are mine now. My will is rooted deep in you, and you can’t ever get me out. So you either take a deep breath and accept the bliss I will give you, or I will break you, in every sense of the word, in every way you can think of.”

“Is this… how you… treat… those… you care… about…”

“We have to be on the same page first, baby. So what’s it going to be?”

    There was nothing to think about. So you just closed your eyes and took a deep breath. You were exhausted, but an answer had to be given.  Slowly you opened your eyes, once again meeting Taeyong’s gaze.

“I hate-”

“No. No, you don’t. You’re not capable of hate, baby girl. Trust me. There is nothing but love here, from us to you, and from you to us. Okay?”

“… uh…”

“I know you’re tired but you can say it, I love you.”

“I…”

“Go on.”

“…”

“It’s okay, we’ll work on that.” Taeyong kissed your head. “Let’s get you home.”

(II)

[church-of-lilith]

I would like to see the neurodivergent Abbott character notes? 👀

hello anon! for those who don’t know, this ask is in response to this post of mine. and i am here to provide you my notes. they’re long but here’s all my musings about each of the characters and my headcanons for them in terms of neurodivergency.

please note that I am in no way qualified to be making any of these headcanons. i’m not a medical professional i’m a teenager with autism & adhd just out here calling it like I see it.

Gregory Eddie

Gregory definitely shows signs of autism, and this is probably the most popular headcanon of the whole show.

- In canon right now I don’t believe he is diagnosed or ever really thought about or explored the possibility of being neurodivergent. His father doesn’t seem like the type to ever support him getting a diagnosis in early life. Moments that stuck out to me as an autistic person to lead me to this conclusion:

- His relationship with Gritty in the season 2 premiere. The whole “I just don’t get Gritty” thing. It’s a common thing for autistic people to not understand elements of culture that are important to most people. Gregory didn’t understand the hype around Gritty, and didn’t anticipate the negative backlash he would get from his coworkers upon admitting so.

- His ongoing problems with food, most notably in the episode where pizza is discussed. He has stated in canon before that there are only certain foods he can eat because of different issues with texture/temperature/flavor. i.e. “fruit should not be hot.” his boiled chicken sandwich, only eating pure dark chocolate. while I would not make these same choices in my eating habits, I understand having the ick towards certain foods. this is an autistic trait.

- Taking things too practically. Often times autistic people struggle to understand metaphors and take them way too literally. One of the examples of this I can think of in recent times was a conversation he had with Barbara in which she encouraged him to work through his problems. She said something along the lines of “This color does not look good on you.” Referring to the way he was acting. Later, he confesses to the camera that he thought he was dressed nicely that day. Clearly misunderstanding what she was trying to say.

- Having to stay organized with absolutely everything. We see this at the beginning of season two where he attempts to plan every day of the year down to the minute in order to stay in line with teaching guidelines. This, of course, before Barbara steps in and helps him realize this is improbable. Just the way he reacts at the idea of getting off schedule is incredibly reminiscent of how some people with autism become overwhelmed at the idea of things not going the exact right way.

- Gregory also really enjoys sticking to schedules. In the fire episode he tells Janine he has the fire drill schedule memorized. And during the teacher’s conference episode his need to have a schedule in order to feel comfortable is mentioned multiple times.

- In the teacher’s conference episode Gregory and Janine have a conversation about romance and relationships. He expresses that he feels like he is the problem in all of his relationships. That he’s the ‘weird’ one, so different that no one ever wants to stay. As an autistic person this one was extremely relatable to me.

In conclusion I wait for the day his neurodivergence is properly explored in canon. Because I do believe the day will come. And so does SLR apparently because at one point she tweeted an article about Gregory being great autistic representation. And then deleted it (😭)

Janine Teagues

Janine is also autistic, and let me tell you why. It all goes back to her velcro shoes (among other things but just let me have this moment real quick).

- In one of the season 2 episodes Janine talks about never learning how to tie her shoes and still not being able to, so as a result she wears velcro shoes. This is a very common (if not universal) autistic experience. It’s also a sign of childhood neglect but that’s a conversation for another day.

- As we know, she also has a problem picking up on social cues. She doesn’t let this stop her, and often does not have the social awareness to recognize when others are uncomfortable with something she’s saying or the way she’s acting until she is explicitly told so. We see this throughout the series but one moment that stuck out to me specifically was in the episode where she goes to Melissa’s house for cooking lessons. When she first gets there she won’t stop talking about her family relationships and doesn’t understand that Melissa wants her to stop talking as she loudly grinds the blender to drown her out. Even Melissa realizes it’s a moot point after awhile and gives up.

- Keeping a proper schedule and staying organized is also very important to her, (not as severely as Gregory) but still notably enough that she would probably get upset at any major variations. During the sick day episode when Ava has to sub for her we see that she has very detailed plans, like.. binders worth of plans. And she keeps her class on a tight schedule with story time, and listening to music, etc.

- Janine has the undeniable urge to fix literally every problem that comes her way. Even if the problem isn’t hers, she is so confident that she can fix it despite anyone or anything logically telling her that hey, maybe she shouldn’t. Once she gets her mind set on something, though, she cannot let it go. She has to be in control of every situation—or at least feel like she is.

Melissa Schemmenti

Probably the next most canon neurodivergent character. Personally I headcanon her as having ADHD, and at this point she canonically has dyslexia.

- Obviously in terms of her dyslexia we have that whole episode where she helps one of her students with difficulties reading.

- The way she talks with the student’s parents about getting her tested/possibly getting a diagnosis and then is clearly upset when the parents react negatively really stuck with me. Obviously when she first realized she was neurodivergent as a kid she didn’t have the resources to figure any of that out. It makes me think that she was initially resistant to getting diagnosed as she grew older (No doctor could tell her more about herself than she could. And if it ain’t broke don’t fix it right?) But at some point when she started teaching she realized she owed it to herself and in some part to the students she would be teaching to really figure herself out.

- Melissa strikes me as someone who is very impatient and gets easily frustrated with herself. But she would never get frustrated at a student who’s struggling with reading or otherwise. She doesn’t know how to go easy on herself.

- The reason I headcanon her as having ADHD is because of the way she self stims in some scenes. One that comes to mind specifically is when she’s arguing with Gregory about pizza and rocks herself back and forth.

- In one episode Melissa also has problems hearing things. It’s not mentioned again that I can remember but the auditory processing issues can be a sign of inattentive adhd (although if anything I’d say she shows some signs of both inattentive and hyperactive)

- Melissa’s obsession with firetrucks is something I would be remiss not to mention here. It’s a delightful hyperfixation and I love her for it. Her insistence on sharing this knowledge and trying to get others to enjoy her hyperfixation also screams neurodivergence to me.

Ava Coleman

Ava definitely has hyperactive ADHD. I see this a lot in the way she talks and acts.

- One of the most common signs of hyperactive ADHD is impulsivity. I would say that she makes a lot of impulsive decisions, specifically when it comes to shopping. In early season 1 we see her spending all of the school’s extra money on a large sign, for example. She also has a LOT of clothes to the point that she has her own business selling them. She also jumps into pyramid schemes with great ease.

- Another sign of that is talking excessively (and also at greater speeds). Ava talks pretty fast at times, and is always the first one to jump into a conversation with her thoughts. She has a hard time waiting her turn in conversations.

- The way she acts with the students in the episode where Gregory sends Micah to the principal’s office makes me think that Ava can relate to being ‘the problem child’ when she was in school. Her being hyperactive (unable to sit still, talking incessantly, acting impulsively etc.) makes sense under this lens. Her teachers likely wouldn’t be able to recognize her ADHD and would label her a problem, meaning she probably spent a lot of time in the principal’s office as a child herself.

Barbara Howard

My general analysis of Barbara is that she has OCD and suffers from repressed lesbianism. Both of these are rooted in her extremely religious upbringing.

- I do believe that a lot of Barbara’s OCD comes in the form of fixating on the rightness vs wrongness of things. And that this stems from her religious upbringing. An example of this is with Tamika’s mom and her utter fixation on the woman freely using profanities. This is wrong, so the woman must be immoral, and that’s a problem. When she actually gets to know Tamika’s mom and realizes that she’s actually a pretty great person, she doesn’t know how to comprehend that until Ava puts it into perspective for her. This can apply to herself too, (not wanting to roll around in the mud with melissa or having a crisis learning she’s been in the wrong with lighting her candles on school grounds.)

- Her interest in religion and the church borders on compulsive. This is why she’s very overtly religious, (introducing herself as a woman of god to anyone who will listen etc.) From a very young age I imagine that she’s had the idea of morality and being right instilled in her, which developed into this obsession as she got older.

- Barbara also seems very comforted by following a routine. She and Melissa have had the same spots at their table for years. She goes to the same place to get her nails done every week.

Jacob Hill

I do believe that Jacob suffers from an anxiety disorder of some kind. And also possibly autism but I’m less confident about that.

- Jacob comes across as a very nervous person. I suspect that this may come from his childhood although we don’t know much about it. He strikes me as a kid who was never really heard. That he’s always had a lot to say, but always somehow faded into the background when talking to parents/family. Him joining improv would add up with this, as it would finally make him the center of attention and force people to pay attention to him after being ignored by those closest to him for so many years.

- Similarly to Janine he’s not great at picking up on social cues. He doesn’t understand that people don’t appreciate his infodumping about random topics until he is explicitly told so. We see this most highlighted in the desking episode where we meet Zach for the first time and see his methods of helping Jacob stay on track of the conversation and prevent him from straying too far off topic

- He talks fast which is also something attributed to anxiety. It would also add up if he did struggle to get all his thoughts out as a kid as I suspect. Talking fast is a habit he’s grown into as an adult, so that no one can interrupt him or talk over him. If he gets all his thoughts out he doesn’t have to worry about not being heard.

- In a recent episode he talked about having night terrors, which definitely connects back to having anxiety. (Although we don’t know now frequently he has them or if that was just a one time thing). The way he reacts to the thought of Abbott turning charter also screams chronic anxiety to me. He loses it because it’s a situation he cannot anticipate.

Mr. Johnson

“Is the single most well adjusted man I’ve ever met.”